thevoidthatismyheart

[thevoidthatismyheart]

I wrote a story about us

But you flipped the script.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

Am I prepared to do it now?

No.

Can I do it later after training?

Yes. Definitely.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

As much as I'm glad I did, is as much I wish I didn't.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

And I don't know whether to blame me, you, or the messed up timings that never work.

Perhaps the problems and the war that arose the minute we started to go after each other.

Or the moment you told me the problem was just you, and I didn't know you actually just know yourself enough.

We have so much potential even though eventually we'd go down.

But we never even got to test our potential.

Many times I'm not even sure you ever wanted to.

All i know is that you definitely could also tell I'm worth the long term.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

I started developing rosacea because of you, I just wish the rosacea was requited.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

Why?

[thevoidthatismyheart]

how empty of me to be so full of you

[thevoidthatismyheart]

[thevoidthatismyheart]

I thought we had it, didn't we?

[thevoidthatismyheart]

The more time passes by, the more I realize I don't want anyone but you.

The more I'm over you the more I crave you.

The less I want you, the more I crave you.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

The thing is, if we fell in love we could actually get married, we would work, we'd be miserable after a while but I can see it happen and I know you did too from the beginning. We are both the type to never marry but apart from the small differences that would make us miserable later on, we could still happily get married and I hate that I can't see that happen ever with anyone else.

Too bad our timings never matched.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

I knew it wouldn't last, but I was still gonna go for it anyways.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

The only regret I have is that after all of that, I still can't say we dated.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

[thevoidthatismyheart]

I was a gifted child. Until I wasn't. I was the golden girl. Until I couldn't burn anymore.

My parents expected me to build wings of gold and fly further than anyone could ever try. I don't blame them, having a child to raise is like sculpting a clay pot, you can shape it the way you like, paint it the colour you fancy. To raise a child is to play God. To raise a child is to be God.

But to be a child is to fall, to make mistakes, to fail. The thing about being too bright at an early age means you burn out by the time you're 16 and suddenly the world around you becomes more gray and terribly, terribly lonely. The fire is never warm enough, nothing is ever enough. And one day you find yourself begging to a godless sky, begging for a new spark.

I was a gifted child once. I was the golden girl. And one day, I burned out.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[thevoidthatismyheart]

“The war will end. The leaders will shake hands. The old woman will keep waiting for her martyred son. That girl will wait for her beloved husband. And those children will wait for their heroic father. I don’t know who sold our homeland. But I saw who paid the price.”

— Mahmoud Darwish; Palestinian poet.

[thevoidthatismyheart]

There are moments of intense vulnerability, moments when the missing you is so intense it takes my breath away, moments when only being wrapped in your arms will make it ok.

e.v.e.