#But nooo...that would require working hard

[cosmic-kiwi]

I've been saying for a while that DEI to me just feels like the new form of tokenism -- instead of the "token black friend" it's the:

"token-race-or-gender-swapped-main-character-in-a-one-off-trash-remake-that-will-be-promptly-forgotten-about-as-soon-as-the-hype-dies-down-and-everyone-goes-back-to-imagining-the-character-in-their-original-form"

or the "token Diverse™ Mary Sue/Gary Stu" who has no actual character traits beyond their diversity, has no flaws, and undergoes no development

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

So I'm an area director at a summer camp, but yesterday my boss called me and asked if I'd be down to be the director of two areas and I said yes without thinking about the consequences. So now I'm the director of two areas? That means two groups of staff to train and lead, two sets of lesson plans, two areas to teach at and make the schedule for and make the lesson plans for, two physical areas to set up. They're right next to each other, but this is going to be fucking insane

[anonprotagging]

man there’s like.   almost nothing better than closing a dense 400-page textbook for the last time and knowing you’ll never have to open it for a grade again. the relief is staggering

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

I’m literally going feral over ur fierce deity fics I’ve been dehydrated for so long and these are like a tall glass of water

Could I pretty please with a cherry on top request a Fierce Deity x reader where Like theyre Just hanging out together and fierce is just really gently putting flowers in the readers hair and they’re watching the sunset together and fierce just thinks the reader is really pretty while they’re yapping about their day

THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE IF YOU DO DECIDE TO DO THIS BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO <333

CONSIDER IT WRITTEN. Fierce Deity is literally my weakness, so I'm ecstatic more people love him!

Braided Daisies

Pairing: Fierce Deity x Reader

Warning(s): Tooth-rotting fluff and philosophical discussions that probably shouldn't be read before one's morning coffee.

Masterlist

There was a clearing a mile's walk from your house. It was small and quiet, filled to the brim with tall, swaying grass. In early spring, a myriad of flowers bloomed among the vegetation, as if sprinkled by the gods themselves. But its best feature was by far its proximity to a staggering, craggy cliff, and the accompanying view that followed for anyone lucky enough to stumble upon it.

"—And THEN I told him I don't make the rules around here, but nooo," you ranted to the Fierce Deity from your sprawled position on the grass. You had originally intended to come here alone, but it seemed you had an adventurer in your midst. That, and the fact that it was becoming increasingly hard to refute him when he looked at you with such... care? Want? You weren't quite sure, but from the looks the other boys would shoot him, you assumed it was deep. "—of course I look rich enough to be the owner... in my work uniform!"

"That is... unfortunate," mused the deity, looking almost offended. When his gaze turned menacing, you realized you probably shouldn't have shared your troubles with a literal guard dog of a god. "If you require assistance—"

"Nope, nope, nope," you waved your hands frantically. "I am not dealing with you mauling someone."

The put-off expression on his face would have made you cackle if you hadn't known his offer was very much real. "Shame."

Shame?!

"I'll stop baking if you kill someone," you leveraged, holding back the urge to laugh when his expression turned to one of abject horror, then what you could only assume was his version of a pouty face. "Don't look at me like that, I will do it."

There was silence as you held his gaze, setting your jaw in what you hoped was a stern expression. Miraculously, Fierce was the first to break eye contact, leaning back on his arms with a deep sigh. "You are brave," he said, and there was something soft in his tone that you couldn't place for the life of you. "Have you always been this way?"

It was such a him question, yet you had to stop and process why in the world the Fierce Deity wanted to know something so mundane about you, a mere mortal. It couldn't have been genuine curiosity... but there was no other explanation. "I... maybe? It depends on your definition of bravery, I guess."

"And what is yours?" He was getting closer, practically casting a shadow over you. A callused hand drew forward, capturing a strand of your hair, rubbing softly, and the notion that he was feeling your hair threw you for the greatest loop of your life.

"Bravery is..." you trailed off, averting your eyes. What was bravery? To say one had bravery meant they had a strong character... some could even say a heroic one, but it felt too simple an answer to give to such a being, especially when he gazed down at you with a warmth you hadn't felt in a long time. Not even the burning tangerine of the horizon—smattered with flashes of gold and honeysuckle— could ignite your skin in the way his eyes could. "...immediate."

Impossibly, the deity leaned closer, tone expectant. "Immediate?"

Fuck, he was practically on top of you. "I-It's not like courage, because that comes slow and is more moral based, but..." you gulped. "I guess bravery is what happens in the moment, as in the choices you make when there's no time to make them."

"I see," rumbled Fierce as he withdrew, resuming his cross-legged position next to you. As if on instinct, you raised yourself onto your elbows and huffed.

"Why do you even want to know?" you questioned, emboldened by the falling sun. "You're a god and I'm just... human. I'm sure there's a million more interesting things out there."

"You speak as though my curiosity is an insult," intoned the deity, gaze fixed on the bleeding horizon. "I can assure you, it is not."

And that was all there was to it, really. You knew the topic had died as soon as he fell silent, though it didn't mean you were giving up just yet. You reached out, picked a nearby daisy, and offered it to him. "Can you braid?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said you wanted to discover," you defended lightly, even though there was no need to. "Hair braiding is easy when you get the hang of it, but it's a lot easier to learn using someone else's hair."

A beat passed, and you thought for sure he was going to reject the idea. That is, until his hand twitched up to take the flower, examining it with keen eyes. You took it as an invitation to scoot closer—already parting your hair in preparation—until your legs brushed his own and your chests were nary two feet apart. "Okay," you relinquished the flower and put the head at the top of the braid. "You're going to want to cover it with one section like so, then keep braiding like you normally would without letting the stem fall, capiche?" You held up the half finished braid for inspection, eventually pulling it apart and offering him the flow. "Now you try!"

There was determination in the Fierce Deity's eyes as he relinquished the flower and did as instructed: laying the head at the top of the brain and incorporating it with every cross and pull. His touch was so gentle you could have mistaken it for the wind pulling your hair, and you wondered it he feared anything harder than featherlight pressure would shatter you, though that was most certainly not the case. Before you knew it, he had reached the bottom of the strands, and was merely holding it as to not fall apart. You took that as a cue to snap a hair tie on that sucker and shoot him a happy grin. "It looks great, awesome job!"

But the Fierce Deity remained silent, simply gazing at you with eyes softer than silk before rising to his feet. You tilted your head in confusion, about to ask where he was going, when he bent down, plucked another daisy from the earth, and plopped down behind you. "What are you—"

A heavy hand laid itself on your shoulder, applying gentle, firm pressure as the deity's voice rumbled in your ear. "Be still, I am only using the skills you have shown me."

And, without preamble, he sectioned your hair like a pro and began to braid while you sort of just sat there, questioning everything that had lead up to this point. He was so close that you could feel the press of his muscled abdomen against your very unmuscled back, and it was doing unspeakable things to the beating organ in your chest. A sort of choked gasp left your lips when he reached down to capture your wrist before pulling a hair tie from it, but you forced yourself into silence—he seemed to enjoy it, so who were you to deny him—?

"Have I upset you?" Came Fierce's voice, clear as day. His actions with your hair halted, and you nearly morned the loss of his body heat when he pulled away.

"I— what?" How in the world could he have upset you? There was simply no way.

"You are quiet," answered the deity, as if it made perfect sense. "I ask again: have I upset you?"

"No?" You could hardly comprehend how he came to such a conclusion, but you would do everything in your power to rectify whatever misunderstanding he was living under. "How does that have anything to do with me being upset?"

"You talk when you are happy," and he noticed?? Did he think you were upset because you weren't rambling?

"Well, yes," dear lord, he was too precious. "But I can be happy in silence, too."

"Ah," you felt a wave of relief when his hands fell on the braid again, lifting it for what you could only guess was inspection. "I had assumed you disliked quiet."

"Funny, because I thought the same."

"Then it appears we both assumed wrong," stated the deity, and you couldn't have agreed more.

The fading light was filled with laugher as you regaled him with more stories from work, throwing in a few embarrassing childhood ones when things became dry. During this, Fierce fitted two more braids into your hair, each with a different flower. You could hardly wait to look in the mirror when you arrived home, an idea that seemed less and less pleasant as your conversation dragged on.

When the sun was all but a speck in a sea of navy, you reluctantly started the trek back, noting how insignificant the darkness seemed when you had Fierce by your side, expression attentive as he listened to you talk about nothing in particular. It puzzled you how he seemed to hang off of every word, but you assumed it was merely loneliness. Had it been lighter outside, or your attention sharper, you would have noticed the crimson flush painting his cheeks a deeper red than the very horizon.

The plot got away from me a bit, but I still think it turned out great. Hope y'all enjoyed!

[shiongenkai]

TD Captain Swap

I have crafted a captain swap so hilarious to me I need to talk about it so here's the stupidest thing ever.

Frostheim: Yuri

Vagastrom: Jin

Jabberwock: Ed

Sinostra: Alan

Hotarubi: Taiga

Obscuary: Haru

Mortkranken: Subaru

My insane ramblings below the cut.

My basic premise is that one day Darkwick is like. In order to promote harmony across the houses and establish rapport with one another we will be assigning captains to a new house for the next month. And then they do that. And it all falls apart immediately.

Frostheim

Yuri voice ill never go back. And then Darkwick is like okay you're too biased against them go make up!! And Yuri seethes so hard something in his body pops.

First off, nooo way he gets along with Tohma or feels comfortable in Jin's room. Secondly, Kaito? Kaito. Literally no way that guy won't scream every other day. It's not even that he dislikes Yuri, it's just that the rumors are too Big for Kaito not to freak out every single time. And Luca of course will not help this concern ever, and will ask for Yuri's history and why he seems so familiar with Frostheim stuff, and Yuri will have to decide how far morals can carry him.

Somehow someway everyone in this scenario comes out appreciating Jin just like. A smidge more. His Frostheim runs as smoothly as Yuri's Frostheim but there's something slightly more dignified about it.

Vagastrom

I really just need a Jin Leo bitch off. Leo trying to get info from Jin except he soundproofed his room again, Jin not giving a shit about what the two of them do which makes it considerably less fun despite neither Sho nor Leo being willing to admit that, Jin using his stigma when MC is around to force Leo to do things. It's technically functional, like Vagastrom doesn't fall to chaos after Jin asserts his dominance on day one, but it's like. Everyone misses Alan so bad. So bad. Sho and Leo would never admit it to his face but they prefer their captain over Jin even if most things haven't really changed.

Also I think the only reasons Jin would leave his room is if Leo was bothering him too much and even then it would take a bit. I think Sho's life wouldn't be changed a whole lot but he'd miss the sparring and also find Jin's philosophy like.... not strange or bad but too different???? Like yeah it's annoying to spar every day but it's also fun. That's his enrichment...

Jabberwock

This is what inspired it all. The exact sequence of events was that I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if Ed was in Jabberwock since it's usually pretty sunny and it requires a lot of work? And then I thought, and also Towa is there. And then I remembered Towa hates Ed and I laughed so hard I cried trying to envision Ed announcing that he's replacing Haru for the time being and Towa trying to electrocute him.

Ren and Ed would also be funny because as long as Ed leaves Ren alone I'm sure he'd be fine. And doubly so if he draws Towa's attention away from him. But I can't tell if after that it'd be funnier if Ren gets annoyed because Ed is actually high maintenance and if Towa isn't doing it then Ren definitely has to. And he'd hate that. OR Ed has seen all his movies and knows all his games and keeps trying to talk to him about it but in a way that pisses him off about it and he's like mad about that. Either way I can't imagine anyone in this house is happy about this arrangement and it's killing me to imagine.

Sinostra

You'll have to stick with me for this one because it's a very specific dynamic in my mind that I'm not very good at articulating but basically. Romeo is at first glad Taiga can't mess things up anymore (even though deep down he misses him) and glad Alan is capable of scaring people straight just by Looking but then Alan is like hey this operation isn't very honorable. It's a low blow to threaten and intimidate and cheat. And then they butt heads about it endlessly.

Which is why Ritsu has to come in and be the equalizer but Alan can't take him seriously because he's like you're way too skinny you have no muscle what is your diet what's your trianing like. Spar with me. And Ritsu, embarrassed and offended, is like ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IM WORKING ON IT. And Alan genuinely offers to help but Ritsu is too used to Taiga and lowkey assumes Alan is making fun of him. And Alan is sincere. So he keeps going.

Hotarubi

PLEASEEEE PICTURE IT. THINK ABOUT IT. Think about the Haku Taiga prologue dynamic and make that daily life. Now add in the fact that Hotarubi is meant to be traditional Japanese themes with grace and tranquility and then imagine Taiga is there and try to tell me that's not the funniest shit ever.

And then add in Zenji. We already know Taiga can see or sense more than others so I would bet everything he could probably sense Zenji in some way, which he honestly probably wouldn't care about but I think he'd care a lot about the doll or the biwa. Basically I think he'd try to eat it. I think he'd try to eat something and it would be chaos and hilarious and please just imagine the three of them together. Please. Please. Please.

Obscuary

House Simulator. This is the only truly fully functioning house with no problems outside of Lyca complaining about noise and annoyances and so on so forth. And that is because Rui and Haru are so used to doing like 100% of the work all the time that they both try to do it and end up finishing all the work in half the time since they've split it and now they randomly have free time??? And it's so strange??

Haru helps with breakfast and cleaning and taking care of the animals and chores and so forth and Rui helps with Peekaboo and relieving Haru's exhaustion and it's basically such a functioning pair that it's almost scary. Like Lyca is scared. But also Haru smells bad and is too high energy and LOUDDD so he's in his rebellious teenage phase atm.

Only downside is that Haru has too much bar access and has to be cut off but it's a small price to pay for a house that isn't up in flames by day one. Unfortunately it can't last bc Haru would miss his animals and Rui would feel too worried about hurting Haru so when they swap back both have made peace with it. And Lyca will still kick rocks they couldn't have Subaru.

Mortkranken

I think Subaru would become a legend very quickly but not because he's this secret medical genius but because he seems to have this uncanny ability to guess things. And the secret is that he is using his stigma fully on accident and seeing what they were up to and then Jiro is figuring it out from there. And he keeps trying to give Jiro credit but nobody will listen.

He's also squeamish. Like he can't handle blood so when Jiro is like 'Move that to the other table please' Subaru is happy to and moves this weird lump under a sheet and the sheet falls off and its a severed arm and Subaru faints. and Jiro laughs for a second before putting Subaru on the table and making sure he's like actually okay. And they are both very patient with one another and very cordial. But it's so so awkward. And Subaru honest to god does not know how to take care of Jiro and is constantly having to ask Yuri how to do things except Yuri is always occupied by Frostheim so Subaru has to follow Jiro's instructions and they are both praying Every Day.

And that's also why they're both happy when its over. Not because it was bad or they dislike each other but bc they're both glad Yuri will come back and it won't be Does Jiro Die Today Roulette. and then Subaru goes to Haku and grabs his shoulders and is likep lease do not start dying ill cry right in front of you forever. and Haku just nods slowly.

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Part 3 Here

Part IV

Thickfreakness

“Who is the bloke with the tats?”

Pots and pans were banging together in the background. Feyre was ‘cooking’. Every Sunday they had lunch at one of their homes–dad’s Soho mansion, Nesta’s Notting Hill flat, Elain’s Russell Square Georgian manor, or Feyre’s bohemian Camden loft. 

“Okay, I want to make salmon en croute,” Feyre announced boldly and Elain’s heart fell at the words.

Her younger sister wasn’t what one would call a ‘cook’. And she knew that about herself. Yet it never stopped her from experimenting–wildly–in the kitchen. 

“Fey, that might be somewhat ambitious,” Elain cautioned her.

“Why? How hard can it be?”

“Perhaps it’s not difficult, but it is somewhat time consuming and requires a decent amount of prep. Why don’t you go with something easier, like Shepherd's Pie? Or a nice fish pie?”

“Nooo, it’s so boring,” Feyre moaned loudly. Elain chose not to remind her that salmon en croute and fish pie were basically the same thing in essence. 

“Okay, well, if you want to venture the en croute route, then good luck!”

“But what if I don’t do it right and it all falls apart?” Feyre whined.

“That’s why you should do something simpler. And no, Fey, I am not going to cook Sunday lunch in case you fail,” Elain warned.

“Ugh, Ela-aaaii–nnn,”

“No. Make fish pie. That’s it.”

“Don’t try to weasel out of the question! Who is the guy with the tats holding Piggy?”

“It’s Piglet. Not Piggy.”

“And?”

“He is a client,” Elain said calmly. 

“What kind of client?!” Feyre pressed excitedly. “You usually don’t have clients with tattoos! And that arm!” she gushed. “What does he do? Tell me! Come on! Is he hot? He is hot, isn’t he? An arm like that is attached to a hot man. And Piggy sleeping like that on him. Aww. Aww. Aww. Piggy never likes anyone–I don’t even think he likes me! I pet him and he looks like he is suffering. But the sexy arm bloke–Piggy is sleeping on that arm like a baby. Do you know the story about the scars? I bet it’s something incredible! Like he was saving a baby from a burning house. Or maybe he flipped a car over to pull a granny out of a burning vehicle,”

“You seriously need to calm down,” Elain interrupted her. “I am growing concerned for you. And for my sanity.”

“I demand you tell me!”

“He is an athlete,” Elain relented just a bit. 

“I knew it! A footballer? A rugby player? What is he?”

“A sumo wrestler,” Elain teased, only to throw her sister into a complete tizzy.

“I hate you! Can you set me up with him?”

“No,” Elain said immediately. 

“Why not? What’s wrong with me?” Feyre demanded.

“You aren’t his type,” Elain cut her off. This conversation irritated her. She didn’t want to think of her sister and Azriel Night. Just no. Azriel was a headache, but he was her headache.

“What is he looking for? What is he like?”

Elain exhaled, thinking about the question.

“He…well, he is the most annoying and impossible man I’ve ever encountered. He is by far my worst client, and I’ve dealt with some doozies,” she complained loudly and passionately. “He is so rude and, and…he is just no good.”

“No good?” Feyre repeated. “That’s what you managed to come up with? No good?”

“He is no good. He is not articulate. I asked him what woman appeals to him and he says ‘pretty’. He isn’t taking this seriously at all. He is probably wasting my time, but I have no choice but to work with him. He signed the contract–which I had hoped he wouldn't. And now I am stuck with him. 

“Anyway. I am going to find him the best possible match–someone he wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ to and then he’ll be out of my hair! Forever. And he also made comments about my body!”

“What kind of comments?”

“Said I had nice breasts.”

“Oh, that’s the worst! When a man tells you that you are beautiful and have a nice rack,” Feyre fake-sympathised with Elain. “That is tough.”

“Gah. Quiet. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

There was more clatter in the background and finally, after a string of curses, Feyre said,

“You are certain you want to find him the best match possible?”

“Of course!” Elain cried. “I take pride in my work.”

“Oh I know. Only I’ve never heard you talk about any client at length and neither did you ever get so passionate about how much you hate them.”

“It’s because I do hate him!” Elain insisted, before relenting and correcting herself. “Well, I don’t hate him. Why would I hate him? I am just exasperated with him. His whole persona is…just ugh,” 

“Is he a yob?”

“No. Nothing like that,” Elain disagreed. “He isn’t walking around in a tracksuit with a shaved head. He dresses nicely. He is definitely not…”

“What?”

“Well, he thinks that I am posh,”

“You are posh!” Feyre laughed. “We are pretty darn posh, Elain. Daddy is a Knight, remember?” Elain sighed and murmured, “how can we forget?”

“And then the Duke of Velaris,”

“We are not discussing that.”

“Well, then you are posh to him, especially if he is a boy from the East End.  And I reckon he isn’t posh to you?”

“He is from the East End. There are traces of Cockney in his speech. And it doesn’t matter…I don’t care about any of that. Professionally speaking, I don’t make distinctions based on someone’s origins or class.”

“Nevertheless, he doesn’t sound like your normal client,” Feyre said.

“He isn’t. He is difficult and everything with him is a challenge.”

“Well have you considered that maybe in the end, the reward will be great?”

Elain chuckled and said, “I am not sure what constitutes ‘great reward’ in this situation. Pawning him off to some poor unsuspecting woman who doesn’t know what she is getting herself into?”

“The women you work with usually can handle a complicated man,” Feyre reminded her. “They are man eaters.”

Elain sighed. 

“Give my love to Piggy,” Feyre chirped. “I’ll see you on Sunday!”

“Good luck with en croute. And it’s Piglet. You know, you are like Az-,” she stopped abruptly, catching herself right before she blurted out a client’s name. 

“Pardon?”

“Nothing. You are just like my new impossible client. He refuses to call Piglet by his name!”

Feyre laughed at that. “What does he call him?”

“Pinky. It’s not Piggy or Pinky. It’s Piglet!”

“I actually like Pinky! I think it’s a good alternative.”

“Ugh, maybe I will set you two up. You fit right up.”

“Ooohh yeah! I am ready when you are.”

Elain snorted at her ludicrous sister and threw “bye, you nincompoop!”

“There is an old lady dying somewhere inside of you!” Feyre yelled back.

Elain leaned back in her armchair. It’s been a long night. A long week. 

Feyre was right. Elain was an old lady. It was Thursday night and she wasn’t at the pub or a bar. She wasn’t hanging out with her girlfriends. She was alone, in her office.

She ran her finger over the phone’s screen, bringing it to life. Clicked on the Photos. And clicked on the one that she kept staring at for the past two days. Azriel Night, his expression softer than usual, looking down at Piglet in his arms. 

She had cropped the top of it obviously, before posting it on IG. It was only Piglet in the circle of muscular, tattooed arms. She titled it simply ‘Making New Friends’ #puglyfe #Pigletthepug and the photo received 368K likes, and over 55K comments, mostly about whose arms these were and who was Piglet’s ‘new friend’. 

She should’ve deleted the photo from her phone.

She should have. There was absolutely no reason to keep it. It served its purpose, it was all the rage on Piglet’s page and there was no further use for it. Her finger had hovered over the delete button for two days now, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it. Why? Because Piglet looked so good and comfy? That had to be the reason.

She was definitely going to delete it tomorrow.

-

It was Friday night, and Elain was ready for some pampering. At least this was her excuse for not going out on a Friday night yet again. But she had a busy week and she was owed a little time to herself. 

It was half past eight, and she just sunk into her favourite armchair in her bedroom with her e-reader. Piglet was on the bed, with her phone propped for him, dog videos playing with the sound low. Whenever he liked what he saw, he emitted a satisfied growl, which resembled a cackle. Therefore, even though she was immersed in her book, his angry growl got her attention, because it was followed by the distinctive ping of FaceTime.

Who the hell was FaceTiming her at this time? Also, she rarely video chatted with anyone anyway. 

She stretched, almost falling out of the chair, but managed to grab the phone, almost getting her finger bit by her disgruntled dog. 

“Hell-...o,” her voice died as she was faced with none other than Azriel Night. 

He looked like he was in bed, his face sharp and as handsome as ever, but not as tense as what she was used to. The man’s appearance was both his blessing and his curse. He was outrageously good looking, his face both elegant and perfect, but also typically inscrutable and emotionless. He was not a good person to read facial cues off, and that made it difficult for Elain to understand whether he was serious or not, pleased or displeased, happy or angry or sad. 

“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

Find me a find

Match me a match!”

Azriel sang to her. 

Her mouth was hanging open.

His voice was…nice. Husky. Sexy. And he sang well, which literally made no sense whatsoever. But he did?

“A girl’s night in, I see?” he asked, smirking. “And here I thought you’d be hitting the clubs. Bumping and grinding,”

“No one says ‘bumping and grinding’ anymore,” Elain told him. 

“Yeah, I know. But I just brought it back and made it cool again,” he announced nonchalantly.

“What are you doing?” she demanded. “Why are you ringing me on a Friday evening? How did you even get this number?”

“Ms. Archeron, you gave me the number,” he reminded her. 

“No I didn’t!”

“No, you most certainly did.”

Thinking back to the last time he was at her office, Elain recalled what had transpired and cringed inwardly. She couldn't believe that she gave him her personal number!! She never did this. She always, always gave her clients her business number and never picked up on the weekends.

“Fine,” she admitted her oversight. “I gave you the number. Why are you ringing me?”

Azriel made himself comfortable against the pillow, and it stuck Elain just how intimate this was–both of them on camera, in their respective bedrooms, late at night. This was highly, highly irregular.

“Couple of reasons really,” he said casually. “Firstly, I know my schedule for next week and therefore, I wanted to book your time,”

“You make it sound like I am a hooker,” she winced, wrinkling her nose.

“Naw. You’d make the worst hooker in history,” he chuckled and Elain gasped at the audacity of her words. “Maybe as a matchmaker you are managing, but as a hooker,” he tsked. “No chance.”

“And why is that?”

“You challenging me on that, Ms, Archeron?”

“Simply curious.”

“Easy. You like things done your way–obsessively. You are a control freak,”

“Oh, back to insults I see,”

“I ain’t insulting you, matchmaker. Just stating facts. And a hooker’s job is to do the things that the client tells her to do. So there is that.”

“Oh, phew. I am not terribly broken up because according to Mr. Night I won’t make a successful prostitute.

“Besides this odd conversation, anything else?”

He thought for a moment and then grinned, exposing his perfect teeth. He looked so handsome when he smiled it was unfair. Unfair to all men.

“Guess what I am doing?” he teased.

“Lounging about, by the looks of it,” Elain shrugged. She feigned indifference, but Azriel could see through it–she was curious.

“Take a guess,” he encouraged her. “Come on. Humour me!”

Elain bubbled her lips and finally said,

“Probably eating or drinking something.”

“Yes!” he nodded and then reached and showed her two biscuits.

“Are those the same ones?” she gasped.

“Sure are!” he winked at her and then stuffed both in his mouth. Chewing with comical energy, he chomped and said, “nom, nom, nom’.

At that, Elain burst into laughter, like she couldn’t help herself.

“You are mad!” she cried. “I can’t believe you are still eating these!”

“Why? they are really good,” he insisted. “Delectable. And I think you might have to bake some more for our next meeting.”

“Or is that so?”

“It is so.”

“I suppose I should,” she conceded. “I can’t believe that you just pulled a ‘nom, nom’...So you wouldn’t have to drag them with you all over the country.”

Azriel paused, looking at him, slightly perplexed.

“Do you know where I am?” he asked at last.

Elain thought for a second, then simply told him, “Manchester”.

His face dropped and he glared at her in shock.

After a long pause, where she enjoyed his surprise and confusion, he finally asked, “How do you know?”

“Arsenal is playing Manchester United tomorrow–in Manchester. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

“Wait. Are you telling me that you like football?”

“Is it really so far-fetched that I might?” she inquired, relishing in her victory. 

“Wait a minute,” he even sat up in his bed, staring at the phone. “Wait. What is your team?” he demanded roughly. “And if you say Chelsea…Well, I don’t know what I’d do, but it would be something bad!”

She laughed. 

“You are mental.”

He didn’t react to the insult, other than asking roughly,

“What. Club. Ms. Archeron?”

“Tottenham, if you must know. With Arsenal not far behind. You ought to know that the Duke of Velaris,”

“Oh yeah, Granny Elain’s hot piece on the side,” Azriel chuckled, “what’d he do?”

“Being a military man,” Elain said, ignoring his quip, “he helped in the formation of Arsenal with the armoury workers. Better that they played ball than got drunk on gin.”

“So I am indirectly connected to your Duke? Captaining his team?”

“It’s not his team, and he isn’t my Duke, but he did love my gran.”

Azriel considered it and then murmured, “the plot thickens, doesn’t it? So, my stats that you rattled out the first day? You knew who I was? All that info?”

“Of course,” she shrugged. “I mean, the height and the weight I got from the roster. But I knew your background and who you were.”

“Well, well,” he complained, “that doesn’t seem fair at all.”

“What doesn’t?”

“That you know all these things about me, and I know very little about you.”

“That’s not unfair,” Elain argued. “That’s normal. I need to know things about you, but you don’t need to know anything about me.”

“I beg to differ. Like, I don’t even know what your success rate is? In your matchmaking? Maybe you're piss poor awful? I doubt it, but what if,”

“I am not piss poor awful, Mr. Night. I am very successful.” With some pride in her voice, she added,  “I’ve worked with 88 couples. You are my 89th client. Out of the 88, I’ve had, so far, 81 marriages.”

“Shiiit,” Azriel whistled.

“3 couples did not work out, unfortunately. The rest are still dating. I am quite good at what I do, Mr. Night. I’ll find you a fine wife.”

“Ughehhh,” he breathed.

“What?”

“Wednesday afternoon, are you free?” he asked instead.

“Why? Is that when you are available?”

“Yes. But I’d like to take you out,”

“Mr. Night,” she started immediately, but he interrupted her,

“Not a date, Ms. Archeron. Calm the fuck down. You ain’t my type,”

“About 5 days ago, you literally said that you wanted your wife to look and act like me. Make up your mind, Mr. Night.”

Azriel laughed.

“You got me there. But really, I am not asking you on a date or anything preposterous like that. Just wanna get out of the office. I have just the place.”

“Just the place…”

“Yeah, I am betting my bollocks that you’ll love it!”

“Keep your bollocks. Let me see,” she looked up her calendar on her phone and said, “I can do 3 pm, if that works for you.”

“Perfect! I’ll pick you up.”

“What shall I wear?” she inquired, now very interested in where he was planning to take her.

“Clothes. Pearls. Your usual posh shit.”

“Posh shit. Got it.”

He continued, “Now, the other reason I rang,”

“Which is?”

“Would like to say ‘hello’ to my mate Pinky.”

“No one by that name here,” Elain said firmly.

“Aww, don’t be like that. Lemmie talk to the wee lad! I bet he missed me.”

“I doubt it.”

“What was he doing when I rang?”

“Watching videos,” Elain told him reluctantly.

“His doggie videos?”

“That’s what he likes.”

“He also likes me. So let us have a chat.”

With a dramatic sigh, she brought the phone closer to Piglet’s face and heard Azriel exclaim,

“Hey big lad! How are you doing?”

Hearing Azriel’s voice made Piglet actually raise his head and his tail wiggled.

“I missed you. Do you have a pretty bow on?” Azriel continued, her voice all sing-songy and cooey. Elain dipped the phone a bit and Azriel saw Piglet’s bow, which was a chequered tartan today. 

“Ohhh, you are handsome!”

Bark. Piglet barked in agreement.

“I had a client from Scotland today,” Elain explained. “He loved the bow.”

“Scotsman also needs a wife?” Azriel asked.

“That’s why people come to me. They either need a husband or a wife.”

“Did Pinky like him?”

Elain looked back at the phone and told him, “He doesn’t really like anyone,”

“He likes me!” Azriel protested.

“Only.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Piglet doesn’t really trust humans. I think he knows that the previous family didn’t want him because of his leg and that when he was hurt, they abandoned him. And after that…well, I don’t know if he understands the concept of death, but I feel like he knew that they didn’t want him alive anymore. That they left him behind and would never come back for him. 

“So he doesn’t really care about humans. He tolerates them, but he only loves me. And the only other person he ever responded to willingly, is…”

“Who?”

“You.”

Azriel didn’t say anything to that.

Elain stroked the dog’s back gently, looking down at him, seemingly having forgotten that Azriel was still on the phone.

“Put him on, will you,” he requested again.

She jerked out of her thoughts and then put the phone in front of the pug.

“You be good,” Azriel ordered him gently. “Take care of Ellie, alright? Remember, lad, you are the man of the house. I trust you to protect our girl when I am not there.”

Bark-bark.

“That’s right. You get me. Miss you, mate. Put Ellie back on the phone.”

Elain just gawked back, unable to form any words. What the HELL was that?

Ellie?

Protect?

OUR GIRL?

What in the world?

“We are kindred spirits, Pink and I,” Azriel decided. “He sees me. And I get him.”

“What?” she breathed, still trying to wrap her mind around everything that she just heard.

“I know about abandonment too…and Pinky recognises that,” Azriel said easily. “You know, when I was 8 years old, my father lost a game of cards. He didn’t have the money to pay, so he offered me, as a consolation prize. The men who played with him–well, they decided that it would be fun to light my hands on fire and see how long it would take for them to burn. And burn they did. When someone finally heard my screams, they rang the emergency services.

“My father and my step-mother never came to see me in the hospital, before I was moved to a foster home. So like I said, I know about abandonment.”

Elain was so shocked, she gasped in horror, staring back at him.

“He knows what it’s like not to be needed,” Azriel added softly and then winked at her. “Enjoy your beauty treatments, matchmaker. I’ll see you on Wednesday. Also, you better root for us tomorrow. G’night.”

With that, he clicked off, leaving Elain bewildered and emotionally destroyed.

-

He would never, ever, ever admit this to anyone, including himself, but Azriel Night was slightly intimidated by Elain Archeron.

She didn't exactly threaten him physically, but psychologically, there was something about her that made him…nervous. Unsure of himself. And he wasn’t a very confident man to begin with. Elain had noticed his self-esteem issues almost instantly–one of the very few people who did–and that made hiding himself from her even more complicated. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly about her, but she made him want to be better. Present the best version of himself. He still yearned to be himself in front of her, because as strange as that was, she seemed to accept him. But he wanted to be someone she enjoyed dealing with. She was judgy, but she didn’t judge him. He annoyed her because he didn’t take her and her work seriously–which he didn’t–but despite their head-butting, Azriel wanted her to like him…Oh Jesus. He sounded like an emotional teenage girl at a sleepover even to himself. 

Why?

She was a pearl-wearing weirdo who had more complexes than she had cardigans. Why did he care what she thought about him? Why?

But he did.

So before he picked up the phone and FaceTimed her, he actually did some push ups. He knew that she had one soft spot–her dog–and he was fully prepared to use Pinky to his advantage. He had the biscuits all prepared, ready to spring them up on her at any moment. But he sure didn’t expect to be talking football and finding out about that side of her. And then getting excited about that…like an emotional teenage girl at a sleepover. Nevertheless, he had all these topics prepared in advance, so he could have a smooth conversation with her…and what he didn’t expect to do was to fuck it all up and tell her about how he got his hands burnt. Absolutely unnecessary. Totally inappropriate. He should’ve stopped when things were funny and light, and when she looked surprised and frazzled and adorable (his favourite look on her). But he went ahead and destroyed it all like a damn sledge hammer. What was wrong with him? Everything. That was the simplest answer. Everything.

He sat in his boxers on the bed, his head buried in his hands. 

It rained outside and he wasn’t looking forward to the game tomorrow, because the weather promised to be abysmally bad and he’d have to run for 90 minutes in the pouring rain. Oh joy. 

Therefore, when his phone rang, Azriel jumped, startled.

It was FaceTime.

He had her under ‘Cute Matchmaker’ in his phone, and she was calling him now. Not even ten minutes after they hung up.

He exhaled and pressed the button.

Before he could say anything, make a joke, or tease, he was faced with Elain’s tear-covered face, her huge, cartoonishly enormous round eyes wet and brimming over with tears. She’d removed all her little beauty patches that she had clearly forgotten about when they were speaking before. Now, it was just her pale, beautiful and grief-stricken face.

“Why did you tell me?” she sobbed. 

He was taken aback and was at a loss for words. He watched her wipe her eyes with her first, but tears just flowed out of her eyes in little rivulets.

“How…how,” she hiccuped, “could they…why? How could they…you were eight…”

She choked back a sob and all Azriel wanted to do was beg her to stop crying, explain that it was over twenty years ago and that it was the past, but he also knew that it would cheapen the emotion of her reaction.

“It’s not human, to do something like that,” she wept. “To take a little boy and maim him like that…Why?”

“People do cruel things all the time,” Azriel’s voice was hollow. 

“But…but…” she gulped in the air, snot and tears mixing together on her face.

“I am sorry,” Azriel said sincerely. “This wasn’t my intention. I didn’t mean to upset you,”

“I can’t believe that something so awful happens in our world,” Elain admitted naively, “it’s incomprehensible.”

Worse things happened in this world, and Azriel had seen many of them, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure whether Elain Archeron, matchmaker to the rich and powerful, the little delicate pearl-wearing oddity was very adept at living in the real world. She existed on a different plane: enigmatic and sincere in her nature, maybe a little too innocent, but that’s kind of what attracted Azriel to her. Why, despite finding her difficult and mystifying at times, puzzling and irritating he relished in her uniqueness.

“Bad things happen,” he only concluded with general vagueness about his statement. 

“I can’t accept that,”

Azriel wanted to argue, tell her that she was being glib, that it wasn’t a matter of her acceptance and that she needed to accept that some people were born in shit, lived in shit and died in shit. That children were abused and that often, parents were the ones who abused them. He wanted to tell her to get her head out of her arse and face the world in all its ugliness.

But he didn’t say any of that.

He made Elain cry, and it made him feel like a massive arsehole for some reason. Instead of laying harsh truths on her, he wanted to protect and shield her from those very truths. This was a girl who rescued three legged pugs from certain death and then put bows on them. 

“Will you stop crying?” he asked gently.

“No, I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about it. About you. About how horrible it was.”

She sniffled and trembled, and he watched her and Pinky as he rubbed his head against her arm, trying to comfort her. The dog whimpered sadly, not understanding why she was so upset. 

Azriel thought frantically, trying to find a way out of this mess, until something popped into his head. Something that he and Cassian used to do when they were in the group home, to make themselves feel better about their lives.

“Can I make it all better?” he requested quietly.

She looked at him, blinking over her tears.

“How?” she wiped her face again.

“You’ll have to trust me.”

“Ha!”

“Don’t argue with me, woman,” he ordered sternly. “Get your arse in bed, and under the blanket.”

She glared at him suspiciously, not understanding what he wanted. 

Prodding her over the phone wasn’t exactly easy, but he nodded and said, “Come on, lass. Don’t be stubborn. Under the sheets you go.”

The phone wobbled and jolted, but he knew that she followed his directive and in the next moment, she was holding the phone to her face.

“Turn on your side,” he instructed.

She dared to roll her eyes at him, but did as he told her.

“Now what? How is this making me feel better?”

“Ms. Archeron, be quiet for one sec and quit making a fuss. Trust the fucking process.”

“Remember how we discussed language?” she cocked a brow at him.

“Remember how we discussed not being annoying and bossy all the time?”

“We never discussed that.”

“We are discussing it now.”

“Is this sexting? Is this what we are doing?” she suddenly popped her head up from the pillow and stared at him in horror.

Azriel attempted to smother a laugh, though it came out as a loud snort. 

“Do you have any idea what sexting is?”

“Yes, talking sex stuff on the phone. And if this is your idea of making it all better, this is a hard pass. I am not sexting with you.”

“No sexting. You are not my type,” he reminded her.

She only scoffed in indignation at his words.

He quickly added,

“Unless you really want to do some sexting with me. I am quite good at it,”

“No doubt,”

“Good at dirty talk. I’ll understand. No judgement. If the ginger bloke isn’t hitting all the spots–which I am guessing he isn’t since you are home alone with your dog on a Friday night–then I can help out…relieve some tension. No strings attached.”

“You are obsessed with the ‘ginger bloke’ as you call him,” Elain pointed out. 

“More like fascinated with what man would date you?”

She winced at his words and he immediately realised that he didn’t say the right thing. Not at all.

“So in your mind, I am so undateable that only the most odd and deranged man would grace me with his merciful presence?” she whispered and a sad tear rolled down her cheek.

“I am sorry! That’s not what I meant,” he pleaded at once. “I didn’t say it right…”

“No you didn’t,” she concluded. “I am sorry, Mr. Night, but I am tired and upset and your idea of making me feel better isn’t working. Good night.”

“No, no,” he exclaimed quickly, attempting to salvage the situation. “Please. Just stay on the line for a second. I didn’t mean it like that. I just want to know who you chose to be your boyfriend? What does he have that no one else’s got to make you fall for him? Is all. That’s all I meant.”

“You are brutish and aggressive and rude,” she told him, sniffling.

“I know,” he confirmed.

“You are supposed to argue!”

“Why argue if it’s the truth? Now. Close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes?”

“Yes.”

Elain closed her eyes. 

“Think about it, but not too long. And then describe your ideal day,” he urged quietly.

“I don’t know what my ideal day is,” she argued softly. 

“Well, create it for me. Create it in your mind. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be with?”

She thought, her brow furrowing and a cute little line appearing between her brows.

At last, she told him, “In London. I want to be in London,”  her eyes were still closed. “I want to wake up and it’s quiet, but I know that I am in the city. I don’t linger for too long, but I do take the longest shower, with like…10 shower heads!”

Azriel smiled at that, but didn’t comment, not wanting to break the spell of the moment.

“And then I dress in something very comfortable–joggers maybe, or a nice tracksuit. Soft and loose. And then, I would go downstairs and there would be breakfast. A full English–fry bread and beans and black pudding. The whole deal. And I would eat it all. All the sausages and all the eggs. And I’d drink all the tea too. And once I am done eating, the door would open and in would come Piglet, and behind him, my husband. And he would…”

She stopped talking.

Azriel waited.

There was more to her dream than just devouring a full English. There was something that she was apprehensive about sharing, but wanted him to know. 

Azriel knew people–he could read them fairly easily, and Elain wasn’t exactly complicated. But he was the captain of his team, and he had to operate and adjust all the time throughout the game, reading his teammates’ moods and needs. 

So as he waited for Elain to say more, he already suspected what it would be. 

“He’d be pushing a pram,” she whispered, voice barely audible. “With our children in it.”

“He is good, this husband of yours,” Azriel commented simply. “Makes you breakfast. Takes the dog out. Minds the children.”

“He loves me. And I love him,” she murmured.

“What’s he look like?”

“He is tall.”

“Anything else?”

“No. He is tall.”

“How many children?” 

“Four. I mean, two when I think about it. But eventually, four. Why do you want to know?”

“Four is a good number,” he approved. “What else? Tell me more.”

“I think I’d like to go to Portobello Road Market and get lost in the crowds and find fun things there to buy.”

Not what he expected, but alright. He leaned towards a fancier store. Not fucking Portobello Road Market. 

“Piglet loves it there,” she added. “He loves crowds. And then we can stop by my sister Nesta’s house and have lunch. Or no…no, no,” she shook her head vigorously. “I want something else!”

“Okay, what do you want?”

“I want to go to Greenwich, to the park. I love that park and the observatory. And the views,”

“You’d be looking at where I live,” he smiled.

“What? Where do you live?”

“Canary Wharf.”

“Ohhh,” she whistled softly. “Fancy! You are a footballer, I guess it makes sense. It’s either that, or Primrose Hill or a big pile in Surrey or something,”

“You are right.” Azriel was amused. But she wasn’t wrong.

“So, we’ve gone all the way from Bloomsbury, to Notting Hill, to Greenwich…Where to now? After the park? What did you do at the park by the way?”

“Played with Piglet. With my husband.”

“Uh-uh. And?”

“And then we need to go to a pub because I’d be tired.”

“Legit.”

“Get a couple of drinks…”

“So your ideal day is travelling around London and eating?”

“Basically yes. I love eating so much,” she admitted dreamily. “Afterwards, I want to have tea somewhere too. At a nice place. Maybe at the Goring.”

“Are you still wearing your tracksuit? And hauling around your dog and kids?” Azriel teased, and she stuck her tongue at him, in a very unlady-like gesture, and un-Elain-like reaction. 

“You are messing up my dream day!”

“Sorry. Just trying to picture you in your very comfy joggers at the Goring. What else then? Where are we finishing this day? A swanky restaurant? A bar?”

Decisively, she said, “no! We’d go to my favourite place.”

“I am waiting here with bated breath, Ms. Archeron. What is your favourite place?”

“G Kelly, Mr. Night. I get a meat pie with small liquor and mash and apple crumble with custard.”

“What the fuck do you know about G Kelly?” he gaped at her through the screen. 

“You are so rude. I like what I like, Mr. Night. Leave me alone. And my husband will love it too!”

“I mean, I love the place, but come on,”

“What does it have to do with you?”

“Aren’t you marrying me? I am tall. I can make babies. I’ll take Pinky out.”

“You are unhinged,” he said flatly. 

“Tell me that you are at least considering it?”

“Marrying you? Hardly.”

“Don’t you want your own bit o’rough?”

“You are not a bit o’rough, Mr. Night. You are a multi-millionaire who lives in Canary Wharf. As I said before, you need to get out of your own head. You are adored by millions and you play for one of the best teams in the world. Yes, you grew up rough, but that’s all behind you,”

“Is it?”

“It is. I grew up as a normal child and I was exposed to many different people and places. I am not as posh as you think.”

“I’ll take your word for it. You feeling better, Ms. Archeron?”

She considered it and then nodded, “I am. Thank you. This was surprising, but it did the trick.”

“I know. Well, sleep well then. I expect you to watch the game tomorrow and root for us. And for me.”

“Oh, is that an order?”

“Yeah, it kind of is. We’ll be discussing it on Wednesday. Don’t get in trouble meanwhile.”

“Oh, I’ll do my best,” she promised, hiding her smile.

“‘Night, big lad,” Azriel called out loudly. “You be good too.”

Piglet was already asleep. 

-

The more you know…

[archivalofsins]

Goes and plays Reverse 1999 due to a friend becomes obsessed with X after being like why the fuck are you here go away. The evolution

Why are you here?! I wasn't pulling for you!

Oooo Rube Goldberg machines go brrr-

Wait is this guy just Shidou and Mikoto fused???

Why is he just Mikoto?!

Spoilers for Reverse 1999, I guess.

X: You hate the wealth gap and how it incentivises giving those who have more and those that don't less. You hate it so much I can kill this guy for price gouging medicine, right? What do you mean I killed someone, Vertin? Lol, nooo that was a tragic accident unless you're claiming your friend was an accomplice to murder?

Damn it's Mikoto again! I can't keep fallen for this character type.

Jackalope was right,

"No unique features about him. So, I don't have much to comment on. He's kinda like mass-produced goods."

Friend sends me storyboard me-

CHEEKY TEENAGER

His years at the orphanage taught X one truth: If you want something, you must take the initiative. Whenever he invents something new, there's always some unfortunate individual who ends up his test subject. He knew his appearance, along with just the right amount of cockiness, was something nobody could resist.

No one's going to want to help or work with someone who can't communicate properly or doesn't look the part.

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?

Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want, though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone, too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words, do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

THE PERFECT CRIME

In order to protect what matters most to you, it's hard to avoid doing something questionable. With convoluted and bewildering methods, along with a plethora of clues, under the intricate workings of the Goldberg machine, these chilling cases often go unresolved.

The full statement alludes to all the murders this guy has committed, which is more than the one shown. The focus on "protecting what matters most to you" is a self-explanatory connection between these two. At least, I believe it is.

Friend sent me this as I was messaging them live reaction reading his story,

Pandora Wilson: Let's talk about something else. There was an accident at an orphanage a few years ago, and I heard you were present.

X: Oh? If you want to discuss topics that have nothing to do with the interview, you have to test this Bubble Gum Spraying Alarm Clock in exchange, okay?

Pandora Wilson: The deceased appeared to have been killed by a loose shingle from the roof. The angle, wind speed, and power it had was incredibly precise.

X: Oh, such is life. It's filled with coincidences and accidents.

X: Don't be sad. Now, let's try this Mini Priest Bouncer and pray for him, shall we?

Pandora Wilson: Please excuse me.

ENCHANTING ARCANE GENIUS

Enchanting items with precision is no small task, but it's simple enough for X. The unknown gift of his bloodline gives him the ability to 'see' the points on each item that require arcane treatment. With some minor tweaking, machines can create endless possibilities in his hands.

Does editing and repair work that takes a keen eye. Also despises being asked to do more work or work outside of his comfort zone.

Has cool horror outfit,

That has nothing to do with the other stuff. Well, it can if one considers Mikoto's relation to horror. But I just find all the horror references in reverse neat.

How I sleep and feel after the character committing murder for morally grey reasons is held accountable and isn't treated like the world's specialist boy who just needs a nice warm blankie and love and affection to heal-

"Reach out for a comfortable chair- Rejoice and throw your arms in the air! 'Cause it's a good life, so why y'all trippin'? The good life's slippin' away."

But the murders-

Me (sometimes admittedly): Whelp-

Especially with the guy X kills who is price gouging medicine all while knowing the world is ending in a few hours anyway due to the storm. Something he is seeking shelter from. Fuck that guy specifically. Dude literally was like how can I make sick people's life worse and myself richer before everything ends.

So, yeah fuck him.

Someone not me who displays anger in healthy ways probably. These characters don't need to be good but it's would be nice if they were just a little justified to soothe my own ego. I don't want to like characters in fiction who are completely irredeemable. Everyone has their reasons and struggles fiction is meant to teach us how to empathize with the experiences of others and put ourselves in their shoes.

No one deserves to die but mistakes happen and maybe this is just that.

X's character showcases the immense amount of detail and planning that needs to go into even the simplest action. Using the complicated machinations of Rube Goldberg machine as a visual illustration of that process and all the parts needed for it to occur. Comparing that machine to people (individuals) and the way the world functions as a whole.

Playing on the old question if someone makes a machine that is set to kill someone completely at random and someone else trips it not the person who created it is it still murder. Some variations of this have the person who made it set it off as well but at a completely random time with no awareness of who it will hit. In my opinion this is an attempt of calling into question intent.

So the answer changes based on if the individual knows the outcome of the event or not. If someone knows the machine is going to kill someone and triggers it they had the intent to kill. If someone accidentally triggers it and is unaware of the function of the machine that's an accident not murder.

This is the same question X's Anecdote in Reverse 1999 poses. By having the unwitting participant in X's Goldberg machine be Sonetto. This leads to Vertin not informing the foundation of X's crime because the trigger of it would be Sonetto,

Making her into an accomplice in the scenario despite her lack of knowledge of it. This is logic Milgram fans should be very familiar with. It's the same logic used to pole vault over the concept of any of the prisoners being murderers. It's the logic on full display when one says the prisoners were just involved in someone's death not directly responsible for it.

It's guilt by causality. Guilt from just being a part of the chain reaction. It's like Futa said at the start of the series-

"Everyone else was having fun weren't they? What about them? Why is it just me?!"

Just because they happened to be there or know the victim they are just as responsible for their victimization? Simply due to their involvement in the situation at all. They weren't better partners, their communication was lacking, they choose to deceive or omit-

They are murderers because they did what any normal person does in a week.

They are murderers because like Sonetto they were there. Like Sonetto they existed in,

"My life started in a wrong spot."

Not because they choose to kill anyone. Not because they set up the machine. No because they were the fulcrum. Because them stumbling across it led to it activating. They could have never known what online comment what online comment would be a person's last straw, how much bullying one person can take, or the significance of what they've been robbing people of.

Hell, maybe they don't remember doing it at all.

These are all ways that the prisoners' distance themselves from their actions and the audience distances them from said actions. Because if the machine is long enough everyone's fine with giving a shrug and saying,

"It’s not my fault-"

I didn't make it that way after all. That's just how the world is- It's just how God made it.

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish." - "I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish."

You see,

"It can’t be helped.”

Those are the rules after all.

"After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already." - "Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting."

The ways that the prisoners and the audience attempt to distance their selves from the actions they took- Does it still make sense when compared to Sonetto's situation?

Would she be a murderer by that same logic. Would X not be considered a murderer because everyone dies eventually anyhow?

Is it fair to call someone a killer for doing an every day thing like picking up penny off the ground just because someone else set up a machine to shot a gun off in a crowded area if someone picked that penny up?

A person cannot account for what they don't know. They can learn better for the future most definitely. Yet, this is why to me at least saying the prisoners were just involved in someone's death not directly responsible for it due to the choices they made is not murder. The intent matters. The desired outcome matters.

X is shown to understand this. Not only understand it but know how to make it so his machines won't harm anyone. In the same Anecdote he makes a marble shooter for a few kids that no matter where you aim it the marble goes back to the same spot. Taking into consideration that children if given such a thing would immediately use it to hurt other children.

The amount of effort and forethought that goes into these things for them to become persistent patterns of behavior is inconceivable. Can someone cause someone else's death accidentally? Yes, things like this can happen accidentally in many ways. Do any of the things in Milgram look like accidents?

Absolutely not. Is it fun to think about them being accidents or out of their direct control for angst reasons? Yeah, absolutely. However, most of them allude to repeating the same thing over and over. After a point a choice is a choice.

How many times can someone do the same thing before one considers it may be by design instead of error? But have I considered their troubles and experiences? Yes, but that's not my main concern when it comes to Milgram. Sometimes I am just too busy experiencing the catharsis of bad people getting what they deserve as good people fall prey to the question,

"What matters most doing the right thing or maintaining your moral purity?"

All because a lot of times in life those two things won't align. Just to find out neither it's all what the individual puts stake in themselves.

In order to protect what matters most to you, it's hard to avoid doing something questionable.

Sometimes I can recognize the victim and the perpetrator are the same person that neither title negates the other. Because it's nice to keep it simple but it isn't realistic.

What's a persons morals in the face of the chaos that is reality. What is order in the disordered? Can a society that functions off the exploitation of it's weakest individuals be considered orderly?

Is that sort of machine worth replicating or should it be dismantled from the inside out?

Is it fine to,

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!"

Or

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?"

At the end of the day this big machine and the constructs built around it won't stop the inevitable. Be it today or several hundred years from now the machine is going to go off.

Outside of all that sometimes... I just like to go-

"Ooooo Rube Goldberg machine goes brr-"

Because it isn't about the outcome. It's not about being right or efficient to me. It's about the process and what I can learn through it. Everything that may impede me doing that regardless of how reasonable can just go in the fireplace,

Well I'm going to go cook and try to catch up on Tsumigram now.

[ktzart]

#1 for each different section in that character ask game, if you like? For whichever character(s) you're feeling lately!

Appearance 1: What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

the amt of time i had to spend trying to figure out which of my characters (if any) are particularly pleased with their physical forms. anyway

RIDDICK likes his mouth. the whole thing. lips, fangs, dimples, little forked tongue.

Objects 1: Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

SADIE canonically always wears a little necklace with a bat shaped pendant that turns into her badass sword (bc she is frequently thrust into situations where a sword is unexpectedly required)

Food and Drink 1: What flavor would your character say their personality is?

if you got ANNA drunk i think she would ruminate on this topic for probably a solid hour ("guava? anise? hot laptop? jasmine? ozone? pickled ginger? nail polish? maraschino cherry? aluminum foil? neoprene? midori?") before finally landing on "you just opened a bag of sour patch kids that you left inside a hot car for a day and theyve all melted into one horrible mass"

Weather and Nature 1: What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

WORMWOOD gets caught in the rain and changes absolutely nothing about their behavior. if theyre walking somewhere they continue walking, wetly. honestly theyre extremely into the tactile sensation of the water droplets beating against their skin and dont pay much attention to the fact that theyre going to get hypothermia and die

Company and Solitude 1: Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

SADIE low key extremely wants to be babied when shes sick. she'll be oh nooo i feel so bad how youre doing all this stuff :(( and it's incredibly convincing but secretly she likes to be a fucking lump of germs and get waited upon

Mind Body Soul 1: What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

if you're jax, you find KHRIS' unconscious tendency to take off and wipe his glasses when he's annoyed incredibly, ridiculously, just stupidly attractive

Hobbies and Activities 1: What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

like logically ANNA should like to play video games but as i katz cannot be fucked to know things about video games then you all can decide for her i guess. something esoteric and convoluted. especially games that allow for great perversity and sadism on the part of the player. requires the player to keep a lot of plates spinning at once and work with problem solving in the face of unpredictable events. visuals would surprisingly matter very very little to her i think actually she might prefer heavily/entirely text-based games

erin likes to play psychological games with another married woman

and dagmar sure has been placing a lot of bets lately. the divorce was very hard on her you understand.

[leffee]

LPs Most protective to least?

You have nooo idea how hard this actually is. I usually have some outline, at least know where few of them would be, but here I am so lost. I let this question rest in my inbox hoping I would get some idea but nooope. So, I propose a different plan, I will give you my thoughts about this on each of them, and then maybe I'll try to make a list from most to least, but I can't promise anything. Just know that for now they are in random order.

Pepper - she's truly a book definition of "I, and only I, can bully them," because no matter what she says, she never means that in a hateful way of course, it's just in her nature to tease and bully her friends a little, it's an amicable gesture really. But if someone else does that with an ill intent, she's absolutely ready to throw hands. She won't straight up say she's doing that because she "loves them oh so much", but the difference in her when someone is being mean to her friend/s is very much visible and palpable. She's genuinely ready to get at them in whatever way: just straight-up physical fightining, offending them verbally, even just subtly but continuously bothering them just to annoy and simply disturb their existence.

Penny - it goes without saying that she cares about her friends a lot, thus is technically very protective. But at the same time she needs to be pushed far to act on it. So for example, unlike Pepper it's not that she will act upon hearing small or mildly rude comment targeted at someone she cares about. Or rather, she will act less extremely. She will try to de-escalate the situation and calm everyone down, if that doesn't work she might simply take them away from the situation. In short: very protective, but it doesn't show that much because she doesn't like conflict, but in extreme situations can and will use everything she has to protect. Oh, but she mostly shows her protectiveness by standing in front of whoever she's protecting, shielding them physically.

Russell - ok, so he's actually pretty protective of "his group". While they're just a simple group of friends, he is their leader, he does feel attached and responsible for their well-being as well as anyone else he cares about. At the same time though, sometimes they really need some reason or different perspective hammered into them. So, it's not that he will just mindlessly get protective for any reason, he will think about it first. If he does decide to act, he will use his words. If the person is just straight up mean, not having any good reason for attacking his friends, he will intelectually offend them. Like, he will talk so cleverly about why they're just an asshole, attacking his friends like that, that hopefully they will get so discouraged they'll walk away.

Minka - absolute gremlin behavior and absolutely can be protective in any way it is required. Even if she were to be intimidated at first, if that someone were to go after the people she cares about, all that fear is thrown aside and she will go straight to confront them. Something like, "Listen here you little shit." but not in those exact words, just this sort of behavior. Really protective actually, some of the things she would ignore if they were adressed at her, if targeted towards her friends, she will get upset on their behalf and take action. She needs a little push perhaps, but if it's received that protectiveness shines through.

Win a cent (get it, because-because Vincent sounds kinda like this, yeah, anyway) - super protective but doesn't always want to show that he cares just this much, but he absolutely does. Like Minka, offenses being directed at his friends make him act more than if they were directed at him. He will wait for a while to see if the situation de-escalates naturally (unless he's already in a vile mood, then he won't even wait), maybe he'll hiss at the person (because-because lizards hiss, you know?) but if it doesn't slow down he's in. However, sometimes he does act when nobody's looking (he knows for example, that if he acts too much or too often if Sunil's the one who needs protection, Sunil might be grateful but also feel bad in the end because it undermines his autonomy a bit). So he will wait until everyone's parted ways and come back to whoever was being an asshole and let them know what he thinks about them and is ready to fight. If that's not possible, he can always harass them by texts or calls. They want to get to the people he cares about? Well, then they need to go through him first.

Zoe - she will only really act if the situation is serious, but at the same time, she's not a pushover and doesn't want to see those she cares about be ones either. So, if the situation repeats too often for her liking she will step in as well. However, her protectiveness is especially present when she hears some comments that she's too good for her friends, because she's "too cool for them" and that she should find people from her own league to hang out with. Yeah, that used to happen sometimes and oh, she would get angry. Because they just don't understand, being herself she had to keep appearances, which included saying that she and someone are super-duper friends when it was only for show. Her actual friends might not be "the coolest or most popular" but at least they actually like her for real her, not because they want to rub off ofn her popularity.

Sunil - okay, he gets protective but when he does he's usually just brimming with smaller or bigger anger quietly, though you might get an eye roll or a sarcastic comment from him. However, he also has his height to his advantage and if the situation is serious he will happily use it if possible, because of course not everyone he'd like to confront is shorter than he is. He does use it mostly if he knows the person doesn't know him at all, so they don't have any sort of image of him in their head. For this moment he will pair his height and deep voice with tough, stoic act which is pretty effective really. But yeah, he's not exactly confrontational, so that doesn't happen that often. Plus, Vinnie's often with him and Vinnie's basically like his guard dog lol.

Well, now that I'm done and read it through I uhhhh, still don't know 🙃Like, what do I judge, how protective they act on the outside or how protective they actually feel on the inside? But as you can see they are all pretty protective. If I really had to make a list, like with a gun to the head, I think from most to least it would go like this: Vinnie, Penny, Pepper, Minka, Russell, Zoe, Sunil; but know that I'm not 100% sure about any of those placements.

[siena-sevenwits]

Earlier this evening I posted about feeling daunted about reading more of my online friends' writing because I'm daunted by my own high standards for showing appreciation and commenting. I think this is a good instinct to foster (taking care to show the author my enjoyment generously,) but I also think it's stupid that I'm letting it become a barrier to reading the works at all. I know it's just fine to say, "This is great," or just like/reblog, but sometimes that's still hard to do. So I've been brainstorming happy medium approaches, and I thought I might share them in case someone in the same boat needs similar mental permission.

---

Shout-outs! What if I made myself a little premade list of things that I often love in fiction, that I could use as reference for this kind of comment:

(Heartfelt opening sentence about one particular highlight - but one sentence only.) This chapter also deserves an especial shoutout for the (worldbuilding/character exploration/beautiful prose/clever twist/worthy ideas etc - pick one or two things from the premade list, but no pressure to elaborate on them.) (If relevant, copy-paste a quote from the text directly followed by some punctuation, an emoji, or a one-word response that expresses how I feel about the quote.)

Will it be abundantly clear to the author that I'm using a format, especially once I comment on their work more than once? Of course, but as an author myself I'd like to think that I wouldn't mind someone using a format at all, as long as they're saying a kind thing! I like that this format only requires me to write one complete sentence, insert a pre-selected phrase or two, and do a little paste job. And if I feel up to more, it's easy to throw the "more" in! Would I eventually get tired of this format? Probably, but it's okay to use temporary solutions and come up with new ones when they wear out.

---

Address a few words directly to the character who interested me most in the passage.

"NOOO, Kiro! this goes against everything you said you were aiming for! You are going to regret this, good sir!"

I already do this kind of comment a lot as part of longer comments, but if I have to go for a shorter comment, this is the kind of remark that can pack a punch with an author - they're so drawn in they have to speak directly to the character.

----

Address the author directly and tell them exactly what they are/what they did in creating this passage.

"@contedalmaviva, you are an evil genius."

"@figaroilbarbiere, you just poured me a hot cup of earl grey tea and warmed my heart by posting this story."

To me these feel easier, yet less generic than just saying, "Wow! I like this!"

Thanks @isfjmel-phleg for the encouraging words. @telthor, I hear you - there's a lovely side and downside to it, isn't there? It is a bit silly to feel daunted by this kind of thing, isn't it?

[secndlife]

pairing: soonyoung x female reader

genre: fluff with a very small hint of angst

summary: {the and} is more than a general interview. it’s an experience that creates a little more space for a lot more openness, honesty and vulnerability - no judgement. 

word count: 4k

warnings: none

a/n: this piece is based on the skin deep’s video series under the same name. you can check all {the and} videos here. the writing format is inspired by @by-moonflower​‘s exes confront each other series. and yes, this is also the mmf couple. i’ve missed them so! 

you: how come you got us into another one of these things?

soonyoung: it’s because we’re charismatic

soonyoung: i mean, i am charismatic

you: oh okay, so you can go ahead and do this alone, right?

producer:

soonyoung: 

you:

soonyoung: okay

you:

soonyoung: nooo, babe! don’t walk away, i’m joking!

you:

soonyoung: 

you: i can’t stand you

soonyoung: you looooove me

you: do we have to introduce ourselves?

soonyoung: i came prepared

soonyoung: where do i look? here?

producer: actually—

soonyoung: hi everyone! i’m soonyoung

producer: you don’t actually—

soonyoung: but you can call me

producer: you don’t—

soonyoung: tiger

producer:

you: oh god

producer: 

you:

soonyoung: how was it? was that good?

producer: oh. you, uh, you don’t actually have to introduce yourself.

soonyoung: i don’t?

producer: nope. we’ll put the information on the screen, so you can just jump right into the questions

you:

soonyoung:

soonyoung: ohhhhhh. right.

you: i won’t even—

soonyoung: please don’t.

soonyoung: so the goal is to be vulnerable, right?

producer: yeah

producer: just to have open and honest conversations based on the questions

soonyoung: should be easy

soonyoung: at least for me

you: why are you looking at me like that?

soonyoung: why do you think?

you: look.

you: i know i can be kind of emotionally constipated sometimes?

you: but i’ll do this right

soonyoung: hm.

you: promise

soonyoung: okay

you:

soonyoung: good girl

you: why would you say that?

soonyoung: you’ll start this one, right?

you: 

soonyoung: why are you sighing? i started the other one

you: stop talking about the other one while we’re here, that’s unprofessional

you: i’m sorry

producer: it’s okay!

you: you’re the worst

soonyoung: don’t say that

you: stop pouting

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: fine.

you: anyway.

you: oh! that’s a good question.

you: how do you describe our relationship to others?

soonyoung: it is a good one

you: right?

soonyoung: right

you: so

soonyoung: i mean, to be honest i barely have to describe it. everyone knows you and also us as a couple at this point so

you: it’s been a while

soonyoung: yeah!

you: how would you describe it to someone that doesn’t know us, though? to the producers, or viewers, for example

soonyoung: oh. hmmmm

soonyoung: i’d say it’s the best relationship i’ve ever been in

you: awwww

soonyoung: it’s the truth. 

soonyoung: i’d also say we’re not like, super similar. but it works great

you: it does

soonyoung: also that i annoy you a lot

you: you do

soonyoung: you like it though

you: hm.

soonyoung: and that it’s healthy and loving and mature

soonyoung: and fun!

soonyoung: oh! and that you’re basically the love of my life

you: basically?

you: don’t laugh! i’m sad!

soonyoung: noooooo i’m sorry! i’ll give you a kiss, come here

you: 

soonyoung: i’m kidding!

soonyoung: you are the love of my life

you: hm

soonyoung: love you

you:

soonyoung: c’mon, say it back

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

you: love you too

soonyoung: now without rolling your eyes

soonyoung: i’m excited

you: when are you not excited?

soonyoung: when i have to do laundry

you: true

soonyoung: okay, the question is

soonyoung: if you could go back to our first date, what advice would you give yourself regarding being with me?

you: oh. wow. okay

you: this is kinda hard though

soonyoung: so no comments?

you: of course i have comments, just gimme a minute 

soonyoung:

you: maybe that being with you requires energy? so to just, be prepared for that?

soonyoung:

you: don’t make that face! let me finish

soonyoung:

you: you’re super energetic, and you can get a little crazy, but—

soonyoung: i don’t like where this is going

you: shush! 

soonyoung:

you: you can get crazy, but it’s a good crazy. like, the type of crazy that gives me butterflies and makes me wanna be around you all the time, even when i’m tired

soonyoung: hm.

you: before you, i was, i don’t know, maybe a little too much of a homebody. i needed movement

you: you push me outside my comfort zone and that requires energy, but it’s one of my favorite things about us

you: about you

soonyoung: good save

you: shut up

you: my turn

soonyoung: yes, it is

you: oh. this will be nice

you: if you could relive one moment from our relationship forever, what would it be and why?

soonyoung: hmmmm

you: don’t you dare say—

soonyoung: all of them

you: noooooo

soonyoung: it’s the truth!

you: shut up!

you: you can’t do that. pick one

soonyoung: i can’t do it

you: you have to

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: urgh. let me think

you: yeah, think. but it has to be a good one

soonyoung: of course it’s gonna be a good one

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: oh! i know it!

you: what is it?

soonyoung: when we were at krys’ party, and you accidentally called me your boyfriend even though we weren’t official yet

you: uh? that?

soonyoung: don’t talk about it like that. it’s a good moment

you: i was mortified when i realized it

soonyoung: i know

you: why that though? we have so many other memories for you to choose from

soonyoung: i’m the one that had to choose so.

you: okay, but why?

soonyoung: because that was when i realized i loved you

you:

soonyoung: like, i kinda knew it? but that day it really hit me. it wasn’t like ‘oh i like you’. it was a full-on ‘i love you and i love you so damn much and i don’t ever wanna be away from you’ type of thing

you:

soonyoung: wait, why do you look like you’re about to cry? babeeeeee

you: because i didn’t know that and that was really cute

soonyoung: i thought you knew

you: i didn’t

soonyoung: like it was just this weird but so fucking good type of feeling and i’ve never felt exactly like that again, so i would like to relive it

you:

soonyoung: awwww! babeeeeeee! you’re crying crying

you: i forgot to put on waterproof mascara, fuck

soonyoung: i’ll get you a tissue

you: it’s okay, i’m fine. we’re fine. everything’s fine

soonyoung: you’re so cute when you’re crying

you: soonyoung

soonyoung: what?

soonyoung: you good?

you: yeah, i’m fine

soonyoung: okay. love you

you: love you too

soonyoung: let me get a card

soonyoung: oh, i love this one!

you: 

soonyoung: when do i make you laugh the most?

you: oh

you: okay, i’m gonna be cheesy because i know you love it and because it’s actually the truth

soonyoung: are you gonna say ‘all the time’?

you: all the time

soonyoung: i knew it

you: like you’re one of the funniest people i’ve ever met and i’m never not laughing when i’m with you

you: even when you’re not trying to be you’re funny and that is one of my favorite things about you, really

soonyoung: i really am super funny

you: you are

soonyoung: nice!

soonyoung: high-five!

you: card time

soonyoung: yup!

you: oh. i think it’s getting kinda deeper now

soonyoung: let’s fucking go!

soonyoung: stop rolling your eyes at me

you: so.

you: if you could give me anything in the world, what would it be and why?

soonyoung: okay, yeah, deeper

soonyoung: it’s not difficult, though

you: okay?

soonyoung: i’d give you confidence

you: you’re gonna make me cry again

soonyoung: well then get a tissue

soonyoung: you’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met, and it kinda breaks my heart to see you doubting yourself in whatever way

you:

soonyoung: you’re so so so beautiful and hardworking and smart and caring and sometimes i think you don’t see that and i just. i wish you could see yourself with my eyes and all that cheesy talk

you:

soonyoung: here, take a tissue

you:

soonyoung: like, i love you more than anything and i’m always happy to reassure you, but i really wish i could give you the confidence that would make you see yourself like the sexy badass you are

soonyoung: see, i made you laugh

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: wanna say something?

you: yeah, i. uh. i. 

soonyoung: it’s okay, take a deep breath

you: urgh. okay

soonyoung: okay

you: this is such a sensitive topic

soonyoung: i’m sorry

you: it’s not your fault, don’t worry

soonyoung:

you: okay

you: i just want to say that you’ve already helped me so much with this. like, i think you have no actual idea

you: i still have a long way to go, but you’re the biggest reason i’ve made progress on that. because, fuck, the things you make me feel. soo, really

you: i think i can spend hours talking about it and i wouldn’t be able to properly express it, you know?

soonyoung: i’m glad i was able to help, babe

you: i just want you to know that i really appreciate you and the effort you put into making me feel loved and worthy and beautiful and just. yeah. all that

soonyoung: happy to do it

you: i love you

soonyoung: love you too

soonyoung: need another tissue? you kinda look like a panda

you: great

you: moving on

soonyoung: moving on

you: you look so cute today

soonyoung:

you: like so cute

soonyoung: i know but.

soonyoung: what’s with the sudden compliment?

you: am i not allowed to compliment you?

you: awww, you’re blushing

soonyoung: shut up!

you: so cute

soonyoung: stop talking

you: cute

soonyoung: the question!

you:

soonyoung: what have you learned from me?

soonyoung: i’m actually curious

you: you are?

soonyoung: yeah, so go on

you: right

you: i’ve learned a lot to be honest

soonyoung: hm

you: but today, i think i’ll say i’ve definitely learned how to take things easier

soonyoung: interesting

you: you’re just. lighter? and brighter in general 

soonyoung: yeah, i don’t have something up my ass all the time

you: soonyoung.

you: stop smiling

soonyoung: i’m sorry. please continue

you:

you: having you around showed me how some things don’t have to be too serious and that it’s okay to let go of control

you: like when we have to get serious you get serious, so i think you have a good balance on things, and you’ve taught me that as well 

soonyoung: i’m awesome, huh?

you: you are

soonyoung: knew it

soonyoung: how many questions do we have left? 

you: this one and three more

soonyoung: hmkay

you: oh god.

you: i already know you’re gonna whine. and a lot

soonyoung: bring it

you: how do you think our lives would be different if we never met?

soonyoung: nope. no. not answering

you: it’s just a question

soonyoung: i don’t care. i don’t like to think about it

you: babe

soonyoung: like in my head us not meeting would never be a possibility

you:

soonyoung: doki would date josh anyway, and then we would meet one way or another so

you: what if i had never met doki?

soonyoung: can you stop?

you: it’s not me! it’s the question!

soonyoung: no

you: you have to

soonyoung: 

you:

soonyoung:

you: babe.

soonyoung: okay, fine! if we had never met, i would just be sad and single

you: you would not be single

soonyoung: i would because if it’s not you then i’m not dating anyone

you: you would not know me though 

soonyoung: 

you: come on, get serious

soonyoung: i don’t want to

you:

soonyoung: fine.

you:

soonyoung: i just honestly think i’d be sad. and less mature

soonyoung: you made me grow a lot so

you: right

soonyoung: i also think i probably wouldn’t perform. you’re the main reason i started going for that besides choreography 

you: that would’ve been awful because you were literally born for that

soonyoung:

you: i remember when i first saw you on a stage. god. that was just. wow

you: that would’ve been my relive moment

you: i get chills just thinking about it

soonyoung: stop it, i get shy

you: cute

you: my star boyfriend that in another universe maybe would not be my boyfriend because we wouldn’t have met

soonyoung: babe!

soonyoung: now i’m sad thinking about it. happy?

you: you’re so dramatic

soonyoung: am not

soonyoung: also

you: what?

soonyoung: i should talk about you too, no? 

you: what do you mean?

soonyoung: it says ‘our lives’, right?

you: uhhh. yeah. yeah, ‘our lives’

soonyoung: so i think i should also talk about how your life would be if we haven’t met

you: oh! okay. go on

soonyoung: you would not be single

you: why do you think that?

soonyoung: because you’re a fucking catch

soonyoung: like you have a great personality and you’re also super sexy so i just know you wouldn’t be single

you: you have to remember i was very constipated before you showed up

soonyoung: right

you: you kinda broke the spell and made me date again so

soonyoung: you’re making my ego grow a little

you: is it not big enough already?

soonyoung:

soonyoung: as i said, i don’t think you’d be single

soonyoung: but i do think you’d be dating some sort of douchebag 

you: please explain

soonyoung: just. someone that fights a lot? and that is even more of a guarded person compared to you. and that is too collected

you: like my ex?

soonyoung: like your ex

you: right

soonyoung: not him because i know you wouldn’t get back together even if i wasn’t in the picture

you: i wouldn’t

soonyoung: but someone kinda like him

you: okay. i’ll take that

you: anything else?

soonyoung: you’d probably work waaaay more than you should. i keep you in check about that

soonyoung: i’d also like to think you wouldn’t be this fun

soonyoung: or happy

you: so i would be sad?

soonyoung: you could be happy. just not… too happy? 

you: i probably wouldn’t

you: i wouldn’t be with you so

soonyoung: that’s the spirit

you: take a card

soonyoung: okay

you: okay

soonyoung: oh. even deeper

you: right

soonyoung: what do you think i need from you and do you provide it?

you: oh. oh. so we’re going that deep

soonyoung: apparently we are

you: wow, this question sucks

soonyoung: you don’t have to answer

you: shush, of course i will

soonyoung:

you: i think you need support and reassurance and indulgence 

soonyoung: agreed

you: support wise, i think we’re covered

soonyoung: we are

you: reassurance. yeah. uh.

you: i think on your end it’s different from the level of reassurance i need. yours is more linked to trust issues rather than other internal stuff? and to your past relationships

soonyoung: yup, true

you: and honestly speaking, i do think i’ve failed to provide you with enough reassurance at some point

you: i think i should’ve toned down the banter earlier and just made sure you knew how much i love and appreciate you in a way that would reassure you instead of making you feel self-conscious and insecure about us 

soonyoung: well

soonyoung: i do enjoy our banter. i’ve always enjoyed it. but yeah, i get what you’re saying

you: yeah. i love our banter too, i just think it didn’t help to keep it that often for so long

soonyoung: yeah

you: when we had that talk about it some time ago, i felt genuinely bad because i didn’t really want for you to feel like i don’t love you. like, ever

soonyoung: i know

you: so after that i realized i had to shape the way i show my affection a bit differently so it fits your needs better 

you: and so you can also get what you need from our relationship

soonyoung: that’s very mature of you

you: thanks, soo

you: like, i know it must’ve sucked for you, so i’m sorry

soonyoung: we’re good

you: hmkay. good

you: and as for indulgence. same, i think?

you: you can be a bit out of control while i’m more on the other side of the spectrum, so at some point i was super afraid i was being a bitch and just not letting you be yourself

soonyoung: babeeee! you’re not a bitch

you: i think this was also something i’ve learned from you, like i said earlier. how to let go of control and all that. so then i realized i have to get more on board with your things too, even if they’re a bit too much for me sometimes

soonyoung: my honest thoughts?

you: yes

soonyoung: i never really paid attention to that, especially as honestly everything always felt great

soonyoung: but then it hit me together with the whole reassurance thing. because in my head it was kinda the same? it had to do with who i am and sometimes i just wondered if who i am was someone you didn’t like anymore

you: right

soonyoung: like if you weren’t really engaging and indulging me then in my head that was a sign that maybe you didn’t love me, and then it was a domino effect

soonyoung: when i randomly hugged you and you rolled your eyes at first and called me needy, and only after that you smiled, i started to think  like ‘damn, did her feelings change or something?’

soonyoung: i knew it wasn’t that, but it was just a bunch of bad and weird feelings piling up

you: i know

you: i’m really sorry

soonyoung: it’s okay, we’re over that

you: i think i got too comfortable considering we had been together for a while and also because i just always assumed you knew what exactly was my point with the banter and all that

soonyoung: i mean, rationally i did know

soonyoung: but it started to make me feel weird and it made me think back on my past relationships

you: mm-hmm

you: in the end i guess it goes back to adjusting the way i show things and doing it in a way that fits you as well

soonyoung: i agree

soonyoung: and i appreciate that you adjusted 

you: happy to do it

soonyoung: we’re like grown-ups, aren’t we? talking things out and being vulnerable

you: we totally are

soonyoung:

you: see, i’m indulging. i got better

soonyoung: you still haven’t tried the tiger costume though

you: soonyoung!

you: we’re almost done

soonyoung: almost

you: aw, this will be cute

you: when were you the most in love with me?

soonyoung: why am i the only one being forced to choose specific moments among like, years of relationship? that’s not fair

you: it’s not that hard, babe

soonyoung: of course it is. not to brag, but we’re awesome and there’s just so much to choose from

you: we have a pretty solid relationship, don’t we?

soonyoung: we do and that’s why i can’t choose

you: soonyoung…

soonyoung: fine! 

soonyoung: but know this isn’t the only one because first of all we still have a lot ahead of us

you: yup

soonyoung: and also because there were a lot of other moments we’ve experienced and that i was very much in love with you, okay?

you: yeah, love

soonyoung: for the effect of this video, i’ll say our first new year’s together

you: really?

soonyoung: yeah. you know i really like japan and being there with you at that moment was pretty awesome

you: it was a good one

soonyoung: like i remember right before midnight we were all set and just waiting, and it was cold and, i don’t know, the way you looked when the fireworks started to pop and the way you looked at me that day

soonyoung: my heart tingled

soonyoung: and i remember you telling me i make you feel really loved so vividly and that just hit different

you: wow. i. i didn’t expect that

soonyoung: i can be profound

you: that was a really good choice

you: you’ve mentioned this trip multiple times so i kinda knew it was a thing for you but not to this extent, i guess

soonyoung: now you know

you: now i know

soonyoung: last one, babe

you: last one!

soonyoung: how you feeling?

you: pretty good? this was really nice

you: how about you?

soonyoung: same, i enjoyed it

you: good

soonyoung: good

you: okay, so ask it

soonyoung: oh. okay. okay.

soonyoung: i guess we’re ending with a bang

you: good bang?

soonyoung: deep bang

you: i mean that’s the purpose so i guess it makes sense

soonyoung: okay then. here it goes

soonyoung: if this were to be our last conversation, what’s something you’d never want me to forget?

you:

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

you: wow.

soonyoung: right?

you: i get teary-eyed just thinking about it, what the fuck

soonyoung: you’re so sensitive today. like out of the ordinary sensitive

you: leave me alone

soonyoung: are you about to get your period?

you: babe!

soonyoung: sorry

soonyoung: moving on

you: right

you: oof

you: honestly, i’d just want you to know that i really truly love you? 

you: sometimes i think love doesn’t really capture everything, but that’s the word we have so

you: and also how thankful i am to share my life with someone like you

soonyoung: babyyyy! don’t cryyyy

you: oof. okay. i can do this without crying

you: okay so

you: you’ve given me so much like. you made me feel so many things i thought i’d never get to feel in this lifetime

you: you make me feel so loved, and you’re such a beautiful person and i’ll always be grateful for you choosing to spend your life by my side

you: maybe i can’t do this without crying

soonyoung: you shouldn’t cry. you’ll get all puffy and won’t like it even though i’ll think you look super pretty

you: shush! i’m trying to be cute and just a loving cheesy girlfriend

soonyoung: sorry, please proceed

you: anyway

you: i’m really glad i got to answer this because i want to take every chance i get to remind you how important you are and how much i love you

you: you’re it for me and i’m just really happy i found you

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung:

soonyoung: wow

soonyoung: i’m kinda speechless, not gonna lie

you: then just get me a tissue while you process it

soonyoung: here you go

you: thanks

soonyoung:

you:

soonyoung: i just. i really love you

you: i know

soonyoung: i think you’ve said it all and i’m just happy to have you 

you: i’m not a property

soonyoung: don’t ruin this! you know what i mean!

you: sorry, i just had to

soonyoung: anyway

soonyoung: i just know you’re the person i’ll always love like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime type of thing and i’m happy you’re the one that represents that to me

you: now i won’t stop crying

soonyoung: i’m sorryyyy! stand up and give me a hug

you:

soonyoung:

you: i love you

soonyoung: love you too

you:

soonyoung:

you: wow, so we’ll really end it like this? 

soonyoung: i mean

you: what if people think we’re those disgustingly in love couples? 

soonyoung: we kinda are

you: don’t say that to me

soonyoung: you’ve become what you despise

you: nooooooo!!!

you: is that true? are we one of those couples?

producer:

you: 

producer: we’re not supposed to interact or affect the interview

you:

soonyoung: bullshit, he just doesn’t want to make you feel bad

you: oh my god, i can’t believe this

you: do you think people will comment like, vomit emojis?

soonyoung: that’s definitely a possibility

soonyoung: seungkwan will probably say something like ‘you two are disgusting, i hope you get well soon’

you: and a heart emoji

soonyoung: and a heart emoji

soonyoung: and then he’ll say you look cute

soonyoung: as he should

you: wait.

you: how many times did we way ‘i love you’?

soonyoung: dunno?

soonyoung: but probably more than you’d like. at least on tape

you: oh god.

a/n: so!!!! the other day mmf turned 1 and that made me miss them a whole lot. so the other day i sat down and wrote another “interview” type of thing with by favorite couple. mmf 2 is still a thought, i’m just a bit stuck on that but ! one day ! who knows ! anyway! tbh this format is super entertaining to me so i hope you guys will like it too hehe this one shows a different side of them, something more vulnerable etc! hehe! as usual, my askbox is always open for anything. so yeah!! enjoy this babes mwah

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

reader taking care of sick feral boys

pairings: irl feral boys x reader (separate)  warnings: sickness, mentions of throwing up but no grossly detailed descriptions of anything 

note: i'm sick. this is 100% me projecting bc i miss my mom and want her to take care of me. it's fine. enjoy.

Dream

Dream rarely gets sick, so when he does, he always insists that he's fine even after throwing up or running a high fever

"I don't get sick, Y/n."

"You have a 101°F (38°C) fever..."

"I've had worse."

he’s stubborn so you have to be a little stubborn back when he tries to work while super sick

you have to basically drag him to bed to rest which is difficult because he's a giant and his tight grip on his chair is not easy to pry off (but you don’t try very hard because you don’t want to force him)

he doesn't listen to you until his fourth of fifth time running to the bathroom to throw up, leaning over the toilet bowl, exhaustion clearly written all over his face. he's so tired and sore.

"sure you're not sick?"

"maybe a little" he mumbles

you frown but help him clean up, brushing his teeth for him while he sits on the floor leaning against the tub before helping him up and into bed

as soon as he falls on the soft comforter, he almost falls asleep but you make him take some medicine first

“what would you do without me?” you tease

“probably get more work done,” he teases back but smiles gratefully at your care before laying back down and getting some much needed rest

George

George is suuuuper quiet when he’s sick

refuses to get out of bed

at first you think he just wants an excuse to sleep all day, which you're fine with because he deserves a break

but he usually begs you to lay down with him on his lazy days so when you walk in to make sure he’s eaten food that day and he doesn’t whine about you not being in bed with him, you know something is up

all he does is roll over, take a single bite of food, and roll back over, you realize he's definitely sick

“you feeling okay?” 

“no,” he hums distantly. “think i’m sick”

“what kind of sick? i’ll get you some medicine” 

he drowsily tells you his symptoms while you sit on the edge of the bed, feeling his forehead gently, and come back with a remedy

he pouts and takes a while to swallow the medicine, face turning sour as he swallows but hands you the cup when he’s done and you hand him some water 

doesn’t really like cuddling when he’s sick because he’s super hot but also because he doesn’t want to get you sick 

so you just kinda let him do his thing, which is just sleeping until he feels better, but check up on his every hour or so to make sure he’s not getting worse 

tired sick gog :[

Sapnap

definition of “mom I threw up” meme

acts like a baby but still follows you around everywhere, refusing to stay in bed

he would literally whine about throwing up and being on his deathbed while still on your heel

so his words definitely don’t match his actions

but he’s cute so you let him get away with it 

he tries to do stuff and hang out with you still but he also acts like a big baby so you try to make him sleep

"Y/nnn I'm so siiiccckkk"

"Then go rest, bud"

"Nooo that's boring"

you have to use incentives to get him to lay down for a while, like promising to play games with him on stream after he gets better or making him food

“you’re so nice to me :]” 

“yeah whatever” 

Karl

super quiet and just likes cuddling when he’s sick

not afraid to ask for help if he needs it, but still feels bad

"do we have any crackers?" he asks softly

"no, but I can go out and get some if you want,” you offer, pushing his slightly damp hair out of his face

"yes please.. and ginger ale?” 

“sure thing. you have to let go of me though”

“okay :( make sure it’s the good kind, not the off-brand one. please.”

when you get back with his treats, he’s fast asleep

you wake him up gently so he can take some medicine and eat a little but then let him rest after

he asks you to cuddle with him but understands if you don’t want to get sick, “but I’m pretty sure cuddling is scientifically proven to cure colds?”

“is that so?”

“mhm. we can always test it out though”

but obviously you stay because how can you turn down the chance to rest in Karl’s arms? also if you’re beside him, you’ll know if he needs anything

he’s super warm though so he doesn’t stay wrapped around you for long and instead just puts his legs on you

Quackity

similar to dream in the way that he just kinda ignores that he’s sick 

even if it’s painfully obvious 

but he jokes about it more 

“Y/n, I just threw my guts up” *laughs* 

“?????”

“oh don’t worry, I’m good, just thought I’d tell you” *gets on his pc to plan videos*

you have to lightly force him to stop working and just lay down but it doesn’t take much convincing for him to agree

cracks jokes constantly even when he’s incredibly sick

you put a hand on his forehead and say "you're so hot” 

and he just smiles and says "so are you" between his coughing fit

you: 😐 him: 😁.......🤮

but he appreciates how much you care so he tones down the jokes if you’re actually concerned for him 

but if you’re only mildly worried, he makes fun of everything 

but also hugs you a lot bc if you’re not going to let him work, then you’re required to cuddle with him. he doesn’t make the rules.

[mageofseven]

Part two of this Anon's ask! Part one with the Brothers can be found here.

Diavolo:

The prince was trying to balance the pen on top of his nose. He had been in his office for hours as he went through paperwork and the man was losing his focus.

Beep.

Yes! A distraction! The demon let his pen fall to the desk as he picked up his phone.

'Ddddd I love you 🥰'

The prince grinned.

'I love you too, my Queen! 😘' He texted back then added. 'What are you up to?'

'Wiiinne.'

Ah so that explains it. They're drinking the wine he got them for their birthday.

'Aw. You opened it without me. Aren't you naughty?'

'😔'

'What's that face for, my dear?'

'Youre t9o busyy to spend tim e wth me 😢'

The prince frowned and rose from his desk.

'Where are you? I'm coming now.'

'Ou r room.'

The prince left the room and headed down the hall to his bedroom. He stepped inside and saw his Queen sitting on the couch by the fire place, wine glass and bottle on the low table in front of them. They were sitting with their knees to their chest and staring into the fire.

Diavolo approached the couch and sat next to them.

"I'm sorry, my dear." He said softly, pulling them into his embrace. "I know I've been working a lot lately."

"It's fine..." They mumbled.

"My Queen, you're not being honest with me." He told them, pushing some hair out of their eyes and behind their ear.

"It's just...lonely." They admitted softly. "I know I have my friends to spend time with, but it's not the same. I miss you."

The prince leaned in and kissed their forehead.

"I'm truly sorry, MC." The demon apologized. "I've been putting some extra work on my plate so Lucifer will allow himself more sleep. I know it must have been a hard couple weeks for you though."

The man did this occasionally. He knew how his friend was and knew that simply asking him to sleep more wasn't enough. Even if it was extra stressful for the prince, he wanted to do what he could for his friend so he didn't have to always worry for Lucifer's health.

"No... no, I know it's harder for you; you're the one doing the work." The human laid their head on their boyfriend's chest and closed their eyes.

"I'll be fine so no worrying about me." He kissed them on the top of their head. "How about we go out to eat Friday night? I should have my work done by then."

"Okay." The human yawned.

Diavolo smiled at them.

"Okay, time to sleep. Up you go." The man stood up and carried them towards the bed, covering them up, and giving them one last kiss on the head. "Good night, my Queen."

The demon listened as his love's breath slowed as they fell asleep before he turned and left the room. As much as he wanted to lay with his human and hold them close, he now had a new purpose to his work. After all, now he had to make sure the majority of his work was done before Friday. For his Queen's sake.

Barbatos:

Barbatos was in the kitchen, making a snack for his lord and his sweet human. Lord Diavolo had invited them over for a drink so the two had been sitting outside in the garden, watching the sunset while they had some wine. The butler had no qualms with this; he knew that both his love and his master were trustworthy. That and it was part of his job to come and go so he could spend time with them as well, even if he himself was not joining in on the drinking.

The butler took the finished dish back to the garden, only to discover the table to be vacant now. Raising an eyebrow, the man sat the dish on the table.

"Perfect timing!" The prince was suddenly behind him. "Barbatos, help me find MC!"

The smaller demon raised an eyebrow.

"Is my dear alright, milord?"

"Oh yes." Diavolo grinned. "We are simply playing a human game. Hide and Seek, as they call it."

A children's game? The butler remembered his human telling him about different activities they did as a child and that was one of them.

"I see." Barbatos nodded. "I shall help you then."

He and his master split up, searching the different rooms in the castle. The demon was suddenly concerned for MC; there were a lot of rooms in this castle that are dangerous for the average demon to enter and far more than deadly for a human like them.

He started checking the rooms he most dearly wished that his love would steer clear of.

Ding.

The butler pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket. It was them.

'Barbie cmoe hide wtih me~'

Ah. Perfect timing.

'As you wish, my dear. Where are you?'

'Nnnope. You gtta say you lvoe me fust.'

The demon cracked a smile, a genuine one. Oh that human. I suppose the alcohol is making them a bit bold.

'I love you, my dear. Now tell me where I can find you?'

'Awwwwaww. I love yu t9o 😘'

His smile grew a bit more.

'This is awfully cute, my dear, but I still need to know your whereabouts.'

'The balroon~'

The ballroom? What an odd choice.

'I'm on my way, dear.'

The butler made his way to the ballroom and found his love laying on the floor in the center of the room.

"Do you require any help getting up?" He asked the human, who giggled in response.

"Nooo. Just lay down with me."

"I'm afraid I cannot--"

The human sat up and started tugging on his hand. They were really cute in this state.

"As you wish, my love." And so he laid on the floor next to them. "Now, may I ask why you chose this room to hide from my lord? There's nowhere to conceal yourself here."

MC grinned.

"That's point. He wouldn't think to look for me here."

"Ah, I see." The butler nodded. "You did well, my dear."

They giggled and snuggled up to his chest.

The two laid like that there for a while, enjoying the closeness. Eventually, the echo of the doors opening made it to their ears and they looked over to find Diavolo entering the ballroom.

"My, you two look like you are enjoying yourselves." He grinned.

"My lord--" He went to get up, but was halted by Diavolo's lifted hand.

"No, relax. Please enjoy the rest of the evening however you wish."

Barbatos let his master's words hang in the air for a moment before responding.

"Alright. Thank you, milord."

Solomon:

Asmodeus invited the sorcerer over for some drinks. In all honesty, he had planned on declining since he was close to a break through in his current magical project and didn't want to break away from it. However, the demon had let him know that MC agreed to join him and Solomon had to admit, he was curious about how that would work out. He had never actually seen his little Minx drink before.

This should be interesting, he thought to himself before telling Asmo that he'd be there later that night. When the time came, the three of them were sitting in Asmo's room, drinking and chatting together. The three laid together in a comfy pile on the bed. The sorcerer had to admit, it was a fun night. Asmo got a little handsy, but nothing that the couple wasn't comfortable with; the Avatar of Lust knew their boundaries after all.

At one point, MC had left to go grab something from their room. Fifteen minutes had gone by however and they still hadn't returned. Excusing himself from Asmo, the man went to MC's room to look for them, but it was empty. Strange. He took out his phone.

'MC, where have you gone to?'

A couple moments later, he got a reply.

'Seccret'

'Ah so you're hiding then.' He texted back, smiling. 'I see you're feeling playful.'

The man started searching the house, even knocking on Leviathan's door to ask if he's seen you. When he came up empty handed, the human man could only frown.

He took out his phone again.

'Little Minx, please tell me where you're hiding.'

'Nno'

He pursed his lips as he read that.

'Is something wrong?'

He didn't get a reply for a few minutes. When it did come, the man froze at the words.

'Soli, do yuo love mme?'

The man took a minute to respond.

'What brought this on?'

Nothing. He texted them again.

'MC, please talk to me.'

'I lvoe you, btu yuo makke me sadd 😔'

Something in the sorcerer deflated when he read those words. It took him a while to move past them, but when he did, he was ready to take action.

'Let's talk about this face to face. Where are you?'

'My romm'

Their room? Did they sneak back in there while he was preoccupied? Regardless, he headed back in the direction of MC's room and peeked back inside. This time, he saw light shining through their closet door. Solomon raised an eyebrow at this, but approached the closet.

"MC, will you please leave the closet?" He asked, but recieved no reply, causing him to sigh and quietly open the door.

He found them sitting on the floor, phone in hand, but face hidden in their arms. Solomon paused, not sure about the best course of action here. He eventually kneeled down in front of them and started stroking their hair.

"MC, talk to me." He said softly.

The other human sniffled.

"I was having fun." They told him. "I was having fun with you guys and enjoying myself, but then suddenly I wasn't and bad thoughts rushed in and I couldn't handle it."

"You should of told me earlier." Solomon scooted closer to them and pulled them in for a hug. "I'm right here for you. There's no need to hide away in a dark closet."

"But... I don't wanna be a burden to you." They lifted their head to look up at their boyfriend.

"Relying on me doesn't make you a burden; it shows that I am doing my job right as a boyfriend." He looked into the distance. "Though I suppose if you think such things than I haven't been doing my job properly."

"No! I didn't mean--"

The sorcerer brought his lips to hers, silencing their protests. When they broke away, he looked down into their eyes.

"You asked me earlier if I loved you... the truth is, I am not a man who finds honesty to be an easy thing, especially when it comes to my feelings. However... I cannot deny how much I care for you. I may not say it enough during our time together, but just know that I truly love and cherish you, even in moments when it seems like all I want is to get a rise out of you. Please know this."

MC started wiping their eyes.

"Do... do you mean that?"

"Yes, little Minx." He smiled down at them. "Now please try to remember this for tomorrow. It was difficult for me to admit this one time; I'd rather not have to repeat myself."

The two sat in the closet for a little longer, the boyfriend's embrace slowly wearing away at all of MC's insecurities.

Simeon:

It was at Mammon's birthday party. The brothers had really gone all out for the second brother and though some people were surprised at this, the angel was not. As complicated as the brothers and their relationships to one another are, he knew that they each cared deeply about the others, with Mammon included, of course.

The party was still at House of Lamentation, but they provided so many food and drink options and invited many people; himself and his fellow Purgatory residents (though he made Luke go home after a while when some of the guests were being...a bit much), some work friends of Mammon's from his modeling agency, and some other demons from RAD that the angel vaguely knew.

At first, Simeon hadn't planned on staying long, but Solomon insisted that he should use this as an opportunity to have fun then whispered that the angel just might get some secret alone time with his little Lamb if he were to wait till others had drank enough to forget their absence. Solomon was the only one who knew about him and MC's relationship.

Angel and human relationships are seen as taboo in the Celestial realm. It always has been, but his Father has been a lot stricter with the Rule since the incident with Lilith. This is why he tried so desperately to keep the human at arms length.... it was all in vain though. He loved MC dearly and his little Lamb loved him back. He felt like there was no going back once he knew this. Still, they had to be careful, had to keep it all a secret from others. The two never meant for Solomon to find out, but the angel had to admit, it was almost inevitable. His human friend was commonly with him and he was a very observant man. Simeon wasn't fully sure if he was trustworthy or not, but he gave the man credit for keeping the secret this long.

So there the angel was, standing on the side lines of the the Avatar of Greed's birthday party, only occasionally chatting with others who came up to him, and watched those around them drink into oblivion.

Bing.

The man pulled his phone out of his pocket.

'I LVOE you swet angellly mn 🥰'

Simeon raised his eyebrows. It seems that his Feather has been drinking with the others. Simeon himself was not a drinker. It's not a Celestial rule for angels or anything; he just simply is not a fan of alcohol and rarely partakes in it. Because of this, the angel never stopped to think whether it was the same for MC or not.

'I love you too, my little Lamb. Where are you right now?'

'T he roff.'

His eyes widened.

'The roof, my Feather?'

'Yeess'

The angel quickly (but as inconspicuously as he could) headed towards the front door. Once he was outside, he transformed and flew above House of Lamentation, scanning its roof. He found his human laying on the segment of roof above their room.

He flew down next to them.

"My Lamb, I don't believe this is a safe place for you, especially if you've been drinking."

"I'm fine..." MC merely shook their headed. "I do this all the time."

The angel pursed his lips, but didn't say anything as they patted the space next to them. Getting the hint, he sat down next to them and stretched a wing out to cover them and hopefully shield them from the wind a bit.

"The stars look really pretty in the Devildom, don't they?" The human said softly, staring up at the night sky. "The stars are so much more colorful here than in the Human realm."

The angel followed their gaze and nodded.

"Yes, it's a beautiful sight." He agreed, staring up at the deep specs of color.

Strangely enough, each star was a dark shade of the colors associated with the Brothers. Or maybe it wasn't so strange? The Devildom has always had Avatars of the Seven Great Sins, long before the seven brothers were even born. He remembered learning that in his Devildom History class during his first year at RAD though they never mentioned anything about them having connections to the stars.

"Though... I wish I could show you the night sky of the Celestial realm some day." He added.

"I mean... can you?" They asked, not breaking their line of sight from the sky.

Simeon frowned.

"No... I don't think it'd be worth the risk." The angel answered reluctantly. "I'd rather you not be any near the Celestial realm ever again."

Before the two were dating, MC and Solomon once visited himself and Luke up in the Celestial realm and had a meal. His Lamb had only gotten to see a small glimpse of the beauty that is his home. There's so much more that he wished to show them however and now... he likely never will. He feared the gaze of Michael falling upon them, of the older angel seeing them and figuring out their relationship. Michael cared about him, but just like he supported the death of Lilith for her human endeavors, surely he would also support whatever punishment their Father would choose for him and maybe MC?

"Oh..." MC lowered their head. "Well, what's it like then? The Celestial night sky?"

Simeon paused a minute, letting himself collect his words.

"It's... here in the Devildom, the days give just enough light to navigate the world, but the night is as dark as the void." He began. "In the Celestial realm, everything is bright and uplifting during the day and the nights don't so much get dark, but rather, the light gets dimmer, more gentle, and the pastel stars are seen through the clouds above."

"You get to live in a world like that?" They turned their head to meet his eyes. "It sounds so beautiful. We have nothing like that in the human world. Do you have any moons though?"

"No, just the stars and the sun our Father made for us." He answered. "The Devildom moons seem so big and foreboding to me however. I don't know if we are missing out much in that regard."

"The moon in my realm isn't like these three though." His Feather gestured to the orbs in the sky. "Ours is not as big and... I guess you could say it provides a gentle light for night time. I think it's because it reflects some of our sun's rays, but I can't remember for sure."

"It must be quite the sight, my Lamb." The angel gave them a soft smile.

"Could... could you come see it with me?"

His smile fell.

"I'm... I'm not sure." He admitted. "I don't think I could come up a secure enough excuse to ask for such clearance."

The human didn't say a thing, just pushed their knees up to their chest. Simeon used his wing to push them close to him and brought his hand to their chin. He had them face him before leaning in and giving them a gentle kiss.

"I love you... but this is all we'll ever get, isn't it?" They asked softly.

Simeon rested his chin on top of their head and stroked their hair.

"I love you too, my little Lamb." He told them. "And I... I do not what the future holds for us, but I will give my all to make it a happy one."

~

Masterlist

[mrs-bartowski]

Genuinely fuck capitalism because if it wasn't for these fuckin networks we could just gather the fandoms and each chip in a few bucks and get the actors to act out whatever the fuck we want because you know they fuckin would. Super popular fic throughout the fandom? Get in character babes it's AU time! Super cute headcanon about a character trait you identify with? Your fave would love to take a few minutes to give you that rep! Super funny incorrect quotes you're dying to hear and see acted out? Dude that takes like 30 seconds and brings a smile to everyone's face why the fuck not?!

I mean you're really tryna tell me that Katie wouldn't convince Mel to fuck her on screen for us given the chance and the money????? 👀👀 probably just the chance tbh

Face facts or perish.

But nooo the rights and the contracts and the MONEY. And I'm not talking about shit that would step on the creators' toes or disrespect their hard work or anything like that. I'm just talking about how fucking incredible it would be to have visual content curated by us that isn't plagued by any of the network's bad decisions or writers' bad...everything. And even better, content that the rest of the fandom - who might not share your particular interests - would only have access to if they actively sought it out.

Doesn't mean there won't be trolls obviously, but imagine a world where there is canon beyond the limitations of network television; but a kind of canon where other people are in no way required to accept it, even if they happen to have seen it, because it's understood that the creators aren't responsible for that content and it's meant for people who want to enjoy that content specifically.

And it doesn't have to be anything fancy or any shit like that, most of that type of content would probably be like Cameos, but if you did want to go all out? Why the fuck not? If you can come up with the money needed to make a whole ass movie - no matter what the quality - that's literally just your faves being a big, dumb, happy family, why don't you deserve to see that kind of simple, pure content?

Do y'all have any fucking clue what I would pay (not that I have money, but ya know on some alternate earth where I'm rich and this is a thing and the world's problems aren't so drastic that I feel guilty for dropping mad money on this type of shit) to see the Legends just fuckin around on the Waverider for 2 hours pulling pranks and playin games and just doin shit that makes them happy? Or the Flash Family (meaning Team Flash and the Forces) having a fuckin game night at Star Labs except it's literally the entire building set up to be an interactive game or some shit? Billions. Trillions. Any amount of money in the world if no one else needed it because I love them and I love seeing them happy because it makes me happy.

And what the fuck is wrong with that? Absolutely nothing, that's what. And thats the kind of shit we should be able to spend our money on instead of literally every second of our lives for a solid 90% of the world's population being reduced to plain old survival. But what's wrong with wanting to live in a world where I can spend my money on actually making myself happy in a way that national/international networks never can?

Because networks don't greenlight that shit. Investors don't pay for that shit. And why should they? That's not everyone's cup of tea and they'd probably be wasting their money because the overall ratings might be horrible and that is perfectly fucking fine. But if I can afford it why can't I see the content I wanna see as long as the people who can give it to me consent to it?

I mean, fuck, one of my favorite episodes of television ever in existence is and without a shred of a doubt will always be the first Euphoria christmas episode (Trouble Don't Last Always). One full hour of Rue sitting at a table talking to Ali about life and love and addiction and all the real shit that you wish people would talk about more often. And the only reason they chose to do such intimate episodes for the two specials although I haven't seen the second one yet because I literally just found out it was a thing was because we're in a fucking global pandemic and they wanted the least people at risk possible.

But I'd give an unreasonable number of things to see that kind of content from all the shows I love. And I guarantee that, for the most part, the actors in most of the shows we truly invest ourselves in are doing this for the fans and many would probably even do the small shit for free if they could.

So, yeah. Fuck this dystopia we all live in and it's inability to satisfy my innate human need for literally any amount of truly self-satisfying content.

[rainina03]

Almost

Pairing: EruHan, slight LeviHan

Summary: Hange asks Erwin a simple question that requires a not so simple answer.

"But Erwin, have you ever fall in love again? You know... after this Marie?"

"Huh?" Erwin cock his eyebrow, actually surprised by Hange’s unexpected question.

"What? Is it a weird question?"

"Well, coming from you, It is. I don’t know you are interested in this kind of topic." He chuckled but eventually back to reviewing the document Hange had handed to him.

"What? Why? I'm still a human, you know, and a woman too. Of course, I'm interested."

"I still don't see the reason why you ask that kind of question, Hange."

"Aww, come on, I bet everyone wants to know if there's someone who manages to steal our commander's heart. You know you're kind of popular with women, right?"

"So, you plan to sell my secret to them?"

"What? Nooo…” Hange cries, “I just want to know. I swear your secret will be safe with me."

Erwin gives Hange a doubtful look, doesn’t even try to pretend that he believes her. Hange grinned when she saw Erwin’s expression. "Well, now I think about it, maybe I will tell Levi. But you know him. At least your secret will be safe with him."

Erwin shakes his head, doesn’t even need to think before answering Hange’s question. "Unfortunately, there's none. I don't think I ever feel that kind of feeling after... you know. Her."

"I see. It looks like our commander is not just handsome but also hard to get. I bet this Marie is an amazing person.”

"She is," Erwin answered with a smile, recalling Marie in his head. Hange makes an ‘O’ shape with her mouth but doesn’t say anything. Only silence filling the room until Erwin handed her the document he finished reviewed. "Done. I have signed the application. Based on this summary of deduction, please continue to proceed as the fourth squad. The result will become a reference for the next battle strategy.”

Hanji accepted the returned documents, "I'll leave then, see you later.” Hange says before turning her back to leave Erwin’s room. She’s already opening the door when she hears Erwin’s voice.

"But..."

Hange turns her head to face Erwin, her eyes shine with the thought that Erwin will give her another answer to her question. "But?"

There’s a long silence before Erwin finally shakes his head and answer Hange. “Nothing, you can leave now.” Hange pouted a little, not satisfied with his answer, but she eventually left Erwin’s office, leaving him alone.

-

Erwin let a small sigh, relieved that he finally managed to finish reviewing all of the reports from his subordinates. He put his pen down, suddenly remembered the conversation he had with Hange earlier. Erwin already forgot the conversation the time Hange left his office. He was too preoccupied with his never-ending works. But now, when he doesn't have anything to do, he begins to recall the conversation. Hange is always an unpredictable person, but he must admit that he never expects that kind of question from Hange. He didn't know that hange was interested in that kind of conversation.

He didn’t lie when he said he never fell in love with anyone after Marie. Erwin knew he never experienced the same feeling, the feeling that only exists for Marie. But when he looked at Hange the time he gave her his answer, he remembered something.

He remembers the time when Hange was always by his side, talks his ear off about everything she found interesting. Or when she was always looking for him first every time they get back from an expedition. He also remembers all the time he spent looking out for Hange, wanting to make sure that she would be safe even if he knew Hange was not weak.

But then, he remembers the time when Levi came along. He's the one who brought him here, but he can't help but felt uncomfortable when Hange began to get close to Levi. Closer than they've ever been. He feels neglected, but why? It's not like all of Hange's attention was supposed to be his. And, of course, Hange herself is not his. But thinking about it now, he feels like deep down, he knew the reason for that uncomfortable feeling, he always knew. But he kept brushing it off, not wanting those feelings to reach his mind. So he can pretend that feeling never exists.

But there's a time when he can't just simply brush his feeling off. He remembers the time where they go to a bar with Levi and his squad. He remembers how he couldn’t tear his eyes off Hange's hand that rested on the counter. He remembers the feeling of wanting to hold her hand, wanting to feel her hand with his. He can't remember how his hand ended up holding hers. The only time he realized it, is when he saw Levi's gaze on their joined hands. But he remembers how right it feels to have her hand in his. And he remembers he doesn't let Hange's hand go even if he can feel Levi's gaze that wanting to burn his hand.

He also remembers how bright and expressive Hange's eyes are. It's always shining but in different ways. It shines when she's happy and when she's excited, but it also shines when she's sad or tired. But somehow, he can tell her emotion by only looking at her eyes.

He stared at the door, recalling the way Hange's eyes shine at him when she thought he would give her another answer. But of course, he can't give her that answer. He doesn’t want to let his secret to be known by anyone, especially by her. But still. knowing he's all alone in this room now and knowing no one can hear him. He whispers something under his breath, with a small voice that is hard to hear even by himself.

"But, Hange... I almost love you."

Notes:

Based on that one smartpass AU where Hange found Erwin's old letter for Marie, except he actually tells Hange about Marie. And also inspired by that one official art where Erwin held Hange's hand. This is my first English fic. And this is my first writing after years. So I'm sorry for the side effect that caused by this fic:')

[the-fiction-witch]

HoneyPie P1

TV SHOW: THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY X READER RATING: SMUT

I smiled as I peacefully slept, the light not yet coming though the little windows at the top of the apartment walls, the apartment quiet and dark but the slight clack of the chess clock on the dining table ticking away still and the drip of the shower head. The covers were warm and cosy from the sweet nights' sleep that had passed but I still refused to open my eyes or move away from the covers. 

I heard the fast and loud bleeping of the stupid alarm clock on the night stand beside the bed, I groaned pulling the overs over my head trying to escape from the noise. It suddenly stopped making me smile more trying to get cosy again as an arm wrapped around my waist and a head nuzzled into my shoulder, Pressing a tickly kiss to my bare skin 

"morning" He yawns 

"No..." I whine 

"You have to wake up,"

"No I don't"

"Yes you do, you have an appointment remember?"

".... I don't wanna"

"honey-"

"Benny...." I whine "don't make me get up I'm sleepy" 

He sighed and rolled me over to lay on my back 

"Noooooooo! Benny!" I whine 

"You have to get up" 

"Nooo! I wanna sleep!" 

"Must we do this every morning?" He sighs resting his chin on his arm 

"Sleep" I said pulling the covers up just over my nose 

"This is childish"

"You're childish"

"Get out of bed"

"No"

"Honeypie get out of bed"

"Make me"

"You set the alarm, it's your doctors appointment, get out of bed." 

"No, doctor can come to me"

"They don't do that y/n. they haven't done that for like twenty years" he laughs "come on, the quicker you get up and get there the quicker you can get home?"

"Lies, they'll be running late. there always running late"

"Get out of bed, I need coffee"

"How does you needing coffee require me to be out of bed?"

"You make my coffee?"

"Make your own coffee, you are an adult"

"Fine" He sighs climbing over me to get out of bed slipping his jeans on over his small boxers shorts, and grabbing his robe from the half open door slipping it over his shoulders, putting a hand through his hair as he sighed "You have until I make a cup of coffee, to get that adorable butt out of bed, Or so help me I am dragging you out of bed, dressing you and dragging you down that doctors office myself"

"Screw you Benny" I complained putting my middle finger up at him 

"Yeah fuck you too" He laughs doing it back to me 

"Benny!" I whine as he was about to leave but I grabbed his arm forcing him back to sit on the bed with me 

"Yeah?"

"You still love me?" I asked 

He chucked a little to himself leaning down and giving my lips a sweet soft kiss stroking my cheek with his thumb as he pulled away "Of course I love you" He smiled "My sweet little honeypie" he cooes rubbing the tip of his nose on my own "Out of bed," He orders getting up and going into the apartment to make his coffee.

"It's not my doctors appointment" I argued 

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't! I'm only half the problem"

"It's not a problem,"

"I still think your the problem"

"I know you do"

"I work perfectly fine, I am regular and reliable, my whole system works perfectly fine, you are the chaos element"

"Except for that time you didn't have a period for three months for... like no reason"

"One time"

"You were convinced you were pregnant"

"I didn't bleed for three months I think that's a fair assumption" 

"It was"

"You are the element that comes in a fucks my perfect schedule up I think its you"

"I am fine"

"How do you know? You've never got anyone pregnant in your life. Maybe your dick doesn't work" 

"We both know it works Honeypie" he winked leaning on the doorframe with his coffee 

"Yeah but does the thing it's meant to do"

".... Well that's why we are going to the doctor" 

"To see if you're dick works"

"Are you going to get out of bed?" He asks resting his coffee cup on his chest 

"No" I whine bundling myself up in the covers 

"Honeypie" He sighed "get out of bed, you have to go to the doctor, and you know you want a shower"

"Nooooo Benny" I whined 

".... How about I come wake you up?" He smirked 

"Maybe" I smiled poking my eyes out the covers 

He smirked and put his coffee down on the side and sat on the bed with me and gave my head a kiss "maybe? Maybe it's a loser's word now does my little wifey want me to eat her out this morning or not?" He smirked 

"Not your wife, and yes please" I giggled

"Yet" he winked slipping his robe off throwing it over the bed post pulling the covers away from me even if I whined as he did he pushed up my nightie to expose me to him and the cold air, "why do you have to look so beautiful" he groans pressing kisses up my inner thigh from my knee all the way up until this warm lips met my lace crotchless panties that I had worn the night before when we went to bed, just in case we were going to be, having a little fun as we usually did. He ran his tongue around my outer lips intentionally ticking me a little with his facial hair in the little ways he knew to draw blood and attention to that area before he had even started, he gently licked his lips before pressing gently and soft kisses to my the very sensitive tip of my clit in the exact perfect place he knew so well. He would move away slightly with each kiss having to pucker his lips to give each kiss, I tried to tighten my legs around his head from the little tickling giggle pleasure bubbles, but that only made him pull away smirking at me devilishly. He grabbed my thighs hard and pushed them as apart as they would go burring his head between my legs making out hard with my clit and pussy often using his tounge to fuck me 

"Uughhh uuuuhhhhh Benny!" I gasped grabbing his hair twisting my fingers in the curls and waves

"Ummmm you taste so good in the morning" he groans between kisses "you're always so wet in the morning honey? Been dreaming about me all night?" He cooes 

"Maybe" I giggled petting his hair but grabbing hard as he began to suck between the hot and heavy kisses "ughh! Benny!"

"Fuck I love eating you out honey!" He groaned slightly moaning into the kisses I knew I was close and so did he but as I shuddered and gasped his name in pleasure my orgasum building he stopped sitting up which immediately made me angry and desperate "fuck it come here" he smirked undoing his jeans quicker then I think I had ever seen before pushing his shorts down enough to expose his nor rock hard cock, I didn't even get chance to move in any way before he pushed hilt deep inside me his hands either side of my waist in the bed "uuuuhhhhh!" He moans his eyes rolling back "fuck honey! You feel So good!" His groans started his lustful thrusts, rapidly moving inside me, pinning me against the bed with his movements, my legs still as far apart as possible as he didn't allow me to move them at all. 

"Uughhh uuuuhh Benny! Please!" I moaned grabbing his shoulders hard 

"Are you gonna cum honey?"

"Yes!" I screamed

"Uummmm cum for me honey! Make that sexy pussy squirt around my cock, so I can bury my cum inside your pussy" he growled in my ear somehow getting faster, his insane thrusting sent me to another world as it usually did, clawing down his back like a cat as I hit my orgasum meer milliseconds into my own he hit his collapsing on me kissing my lips in desperation as I hit my wall riding the wave of exploding pleasure, his hips going like crazy, bucking and jerking in odd angels riding out his own filling me as deep as he could.

As soon as the initial crash was over he pulled back and sat his head on my breasts over my nightie of course, gasping for breath as we both gathered our compositor "fuck… I love you" he says between gasps 

"I love you too" I smiled petting his hair "just uhh easy there tiger. You got a little crazy there at the end"

"Can you blame me? I'm taking viagra like there fucking smarties" 

"I know, you never used to talk like that in sex"

"I used to think it. Just not say it"

"Maybe we did finally do it this time?"

"I hope so," he says, "your gonna make a great mummy y/n"

"Umm your gonna be a good daddy Benny" I smiled giving him a hug 

"I love you honey pie"

"Some you too benny" I smiled 

"Now, butt out of bed. Before I carry you to the doctors office even if you are in your nightie" he warns pulling out and starting to get dressed for the day

"Fine! But I get to nap when we get home?"

"Alright" he sighed 

"Yay!" I giggled getting my stuff for the day and going for a shower. 

I smiled as I finished getting dressed, jumping on Benny's back as he sorted the table "whoa! Hello!" He laughs as I almost tipped him over 

"Hi" I smiled 

"Are you ready to go?" He asks giving me a cuddle too 

"I guess so"

"Come on, any longer we'll be late"

"One little snuggle before we go? Please Benny"

"...Alright" He smirked flipping us around so I was against the table I gave him a kiss and turned over to lean on the table pressing my butt against his hips he grabbed my hips rubbing them with his thumbs grinding gently on me, he undid his jeans and I pulled up my dress "just a quickie, or we be in trouble with the doctor" he says tugging my panties down 

"There always late we'll be fine" I laughed

"I know" he laughs pushing inside me deeper then earlier as he always was able to hit me much deeper when I'm bent over "uhhhhh fuck!" He groans quickly starting to move 

"Ughhh! Oohh Benny!" I groaned grabbing the table feeling my body move with his rapid Intense pounding "more more please!" 

"Umm don't tempt me honey" he groans "trust me, if we had time I would be" he nods getting faster rubbing on my clit with his fingers 

"Uuuuhhhhh uughhh uuhh uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh Benny!" I screamed my voice echoing off our basement apartments walls as I hit my orgasum riding it out mercilously as benny didn't even slow, not even his rubbing his pounding overwhelming me already 

"UUUH uuughhhhh!" He groans going as deep inside me as he could as he came almost collapsing on me "okay…. Are we going to this fucking doctors appointment or not?" He complained

I giggled as I sat in the car wrapped up in my dress and fluffy cardigan, as Benny drove. "Hi" 

"Hi?" He laughs "hey how about after the doctor's appointment we go get some food?"

"Like?"

"Like, pizza? Or Chinese food? Or… ice cream?"

"Ice cream" 

"Okay, doctors office, then ice cream"

"We're gonna get yelled at"

"Yep, but that's why we need to feel better ice cream" he says as we arrive and parked up "you ready?"

"I think so," I said "Benny? What if they do say something's wrong with us? What if… we can't have a baby?"

"Aww y/n, honeypie you can't think like that. We just need to try harder"

"But what if we can't?"

"Then… there's always adoption. Or we can just get a dog? Or a cat? Or a fish?" He suggested

"I can't love and hugs a fish Benny,"

"No but we can have sex as loud as we want without worrying about waking a fish" 

"I love you" I smiled hugging him tightly

"Love you too" he says hugging he back and kissing my head "come on, let's get yelled at" 

I sat patiently waiting, sat on the little chair in the office, trying desperately to not look at any of the scary posters on the walls. Fiddling with my nails as I sat listening to the clock ticking on the wall behind me 

“It’s going to be fine.” Benny reassured taking my hand bringing it to his lips to give it a kiss just as the door opened so we quickly separated as the doctor came around the corner and sat at his desk with some paperwork

“Good morning” He says 

“Good morning” I nodded 

“Well, good news? Or bad News?”

“Uhhh good news, Please” “There is nothing, Medical anyway wrong with either of you. No issues at all though our tests” He explained and I sighed in relief at least something wasn’t wrong with us “Infact, your higher than average Mr Watts”

“Ohh, cool” He smirked a little to himself making me slightly roll my eyes 

“And the bad news?”

“Well, You’re not pregnant, just got your test though from this morning. Your still not pregnant”

I sighed trying not to cry, “So what’s going on?”

“Honestly from a medical standpoint, I have no idea.” He shrugs “May I ask you both some questions?”

“Of course” I nodded 

“How much on average are you having sex?” He asks 

I looked to benny hoping he was keeping track because I sure as hell wasn’t 

“Uuuuuuhhh.. On a bad day twice. And On a good day… four or five times?” Benny explained 

“And that’s full male ejcauate sex?” 

“...Yes” I nodded trying not to giggle 

“You should be aiming for six, to nine” He says “Four on the low side”

I giggled a little to myself looking to benny’s panicked face,

“Six? To nine times a day?”

“Yes, Absolutely” he nodded “Not using any forms of protection still?” He asked

“No” Benny answered “I literally set fire to our condoms when I knew we were actually trying”

“Eating right? Exercise? No alcohol or smoking?” 

“Yes” I nodded “No smoking or alcohol for weeks now, exercise everyday” 

“Taking your medications?”

“Always” I nodded 

“Every damn day” Benny sighed 

“How many times have you had sex today?” 

“Today as in since we got up or today as in the last twenty four hours?” Benny asked him

“Since you got up today?” 

“Twice.”

“What positions did you do?”

“... Missionary, and… ohh what's the other one called?” I asked

“I don’t know what it's called. She was bent over our dining table so” Benny explained 

“Are you doing other positions?”

“Yes, all of them well. All the basic ones none of the like crazy someones standing on there head and someone else has like a leg in the air”

“Yeah we are not that flexible”

“Also we are boring white people, so… our sex isn’t spicy”

“I recommend reverse cowgirl”

“Is that better for getting pregnant?” I asked

“No, its more fun” He shrugs “If your going to be having sex nine times a day I recomend varitey or you’ll get bored, I would also suggest buying some lube, and hopefully next I see you you’ll be pregnant” He says 

I sighed sitting in the car reading though the little pamphlets and magazines they gave us at the doctors

“I said there wasn’t anything wrong with me”

“Yeah yeah, just because you're excited you have a higher sperm count then average benny” “I’m not allowed to be happy I’m above average?” 

“You can be happy it's just don’t make like a fuss over it benny”

“You wanna go get ice cream now?” he asks

“I would like ice cream” I smiled nuzzling on his shoulder “Then we should get home, we’re behind on our sex quota for the day”

“I know we are, We’ll snuggle after ice cream honeypie” He smirked, kissing my head.