#But im TOO AFRAID TO SAY THEM
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Having both a rarepair you want to talk about AND bad social anxiety is actually a lesser known, rarely discussed, tenth circle of hell
#Skollwalker moment#I have SO MANY THOUGHTS#But im TOO AFRAID TO SAY THEM#But they’re my favorites..#Ughhfjfjgh blows up my brain#I want a refund on that thing#Rarepair struggles#skollwalker#do i tag the characters too.#Guess ive gotta if i want more people to join me on this ship#Anakin Skywalker#Baylan Skoll#Queues this and RUNS
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im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website
#kai.txt#negativity tw#(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them)#we make gifs and nobody reblogs them#when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds#'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op'#reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something#that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place#we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does#to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting#and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces#go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets#that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases#or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place#but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces#they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either#they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters#im just so fucking tired of the disrespect#and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site#we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.
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"no..." she quickly interjected, "that isn't what i meant. i meant i-" i was just trying to say, i'm scared to lose you. but the words get caught in her throat when this sudden announcement he's leaving bombards her out of nowhere and causes bambi eyes to go wide. like a deer caught in headlights, all that she registers from that is he's going far away from here. "what? you're leavin'? here?" it was a shock, because of the way they'd grown up together. they always said their calling was their love for horses and all l.ucy g.ray has ever known b.illy b.onney as this cute little cowboy since the first second she saw him. even though, they both had expressed love for performing arts. it just didn't seem like everything was right in the world if billy was anything other than dedicated to his love for horses and being on their farms. like her. they had talked about it so many times, she just didn't expect this giant twist to erupt out of nowhere. "i mean... that's... that's wonderful. i'm proud and real happy for you." she always knew he was exceptionally smart and this is an amazing opportunity, she wasn't selfish. but they were like peanut butter and jelly, inseparable, attached at the hip. she wasn't grasping how she was just going to not have him around anymore. "if that's where you're goin'... why did you do that anyway?" kiss her. wasn't that just cruel? what if she hadn't had fear of ruining their bond and acted on what her heart really wanted to do? what then? he was just going to abandon her?
continued.
#are we going to mix this verse in with our hs verse we had too? or🤔#if so- this could just be the events AFTER hs has ended for them#so it could be easier to keep up with?? but also ! its ok if u would like to do a whole separate verse for that too !! just suggesting-#things and also wondering myself what u had in mind !#dont be afraid to say no bc im good with either <3#also i love how these are the words that she'll never get out until she sees him again omg :))) pain. weeping. throwing up !!#lucygraysboy
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Obsessed with what America and England have going on in HetaOni. America's like "I keep having to watch my dad die from overusing his magic in past timelines and not knowing how to stop it is killing me inside but I'm not going to talk to him about it" and England's like "I can't seem to hold a conversation with my son without insulting him but I won't hesitate to use my dying breath to ensure I can protect him from beyond the grave"
#good morning i still have hetaoni on the brain#that scene where it looks like america's going to die but turns out past loop england used the last of his strength to cast a shield on him#(+italy and germany) before sending them back to the present.... godddd#and then current loop england goes and takes on the monster america was worried about and succeeds. at the cost of going blind.#one of the very things america was afraid would happen!! he was so relieved when england survived the fight before finding that out too!!!#i don't know if this is coherent im just. they care about each other so much even though they won't say it and 😭😭😭 it makes me ill#sigh. rotating both them and hetaoni in my mind at the same time makes me so. waaughh#(also obligatory disclaimer that hetaoni doesn't label their relationship in any way them being father and son is just canon in my brain)#hetalia#hetaoni#hws america#hws england#tea dad n coffee son#personal#i have an old hetaoni wip fic that i think i intended to do more with but was mostly just about america and england as far as i got...#i can't remember the rest of my plans for it so maybe i'll shift the focus to them and try to get it finished sometime
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[WARNING! TLKOF CHAPTER SPOILERS AHEAD] 🚨
okay we all know ash was hardcore simping for dru but what about dru just outright being mesmerised by everything ash does??????
"no human was that beautiful" EXCUSE ME??? WHIPPED MUCH???? LIKE?????
she said “hmm his mouth looks super soft i kinda (really) wanna kiss him right now wow so strange”
something about her saying his name had me feeling some typa way like they’re soulmates please
and then as soon as he touches her, she drops her torch, like she’s a loser with a capital L :’)
i absolutely adore that ash’s eyes are green like he must look so beautiful and the resemblance to what sebastian’s could’ve looked like without demon blood is just so :( and dru clearly loves the colour! when she was being sent away she was like “ooooo! eyes! so green! wowzie! 😯” and i don’t blame her + when she said his touch was warm i just about died
conclusion -> morgenthorn are in love, they just don’t know it yet (and im their biggest fan) <3
#[SPOILERS HERE TOO]#and not to mention her just looking at him and analysing#like his clothes and his voice (“cold music”) <- LIKE WHO SAYS THAT?????#and when she finds out he’s a prince and has magic she’s like “surprise after surprise” like she is MESMERISED im telling u#she like likes him#and not to mention!#shes like i should be afraid of him but also im not???#like i love that.#just dru not giving a damn and already sensing ash is cool#god im obsessed with them and this scene hold me jesus#also kinda wanna make a post like this analising ash’s behaviour bc he is clearly down bad😭#seasons of shadowhunters#dru blackthorn#ash morgenstern#dru x ash#morgenthorn#tlkof spoilers#the last king of faerie#tlkof#the wicked powers#twp#tsc
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#re: the trick tweet#i think we should actually discuss the issues of consent in solavellan more#because it’s so fucked up and juicy and dramatic#i think most solavellans are very defensive because of all the nastiness online which i understand#but it makes us unwilling/unable to discuss in-world issues with the relationship like the age gap power differential and lack of consent#BUT ITS SOOOOO INTERESTING#and it’s really well written and handled adeptly by the writers which makes it even more juicy because SOLAS HIMSELF IS AWARE#OF HOW UNETHICAL IT IS#he literally says “it wouldn’t be right#AND HES RIGHT!!#i think it’s so compelling#it’s such a good exploration of the ethics of desire#but i am afraid to be louder about this because i fear people will interpret it as criticism of the ship#as if im a hater when i clearly love them??#like the writers know it’s fucked up#solas knows it’s fucked up#ITS OKAY FOR US TO ADMIT ITS FUCKED UP TOO#like this is an M rated game made by adults for adults#it’s okay to enjoy a fucked up relationship especially when the narrative acknowledges the ethical issues!!#anyway….. maybe ill share my thoughts on this one day#but idk if tumblr can handle the nuance required lmao
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10/10 is Lon'qu Day so here we go, a 10 out of 10 family.
#fe awakening#lonqu#nowi#nah#i really like a couple of their supports with others but i am just so weak for them#that i normally have to get them married#its the only nah support with her dad that im not really upset with bc#with lonqu being afraid of women but not terrified of nowi and just being like fine whatever we can play house#its way less weird to hear the guy scared of women tell his daughter that her mom has always looked young AND TRAIL OFF#in the support chain like any other guy saying well your mom looked young is really weird to me#but it makes more sense to me that hes at more ease around her than others even though she can just#turn into a dragon like ... no one seems too put off by it but its such a funny combo of not being scared of her#despite the female or dragon aspect#idk man i just think its really funny to watch him correct nowi on how to play house ok
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thinking about the fionna and cake finale and. i've been seeing people upset or annoyed that betty & simon's story focused on how simon had to learn to recognize that what they had was unbalanced and not necessarily fair, because they wanted betty to also realize that she placed too much of her self worth in simon, and they wanted her to learn to live for herself.
i think these people forgot about the episode in adventure time that does this. mainly because, at the end of the episode, it seems like she didn't learn anything at all.
In s10e11, "Temple of Mars," Finn, Jermaine, and Betty have to go through a mind maze to find Jake--and many parts of the maze are relevant to Betty's obsession with Simon/Ice King.
The second room of the "maze" has a chalkboard with a long and complicated equation on it. Betty tries to solve it, thinking it will help, while an Ice Thing messes up the equation as she tries to solve it, preventing her from doing so. It's meant to represent how trying to "solve" the crown's curse is leading nowhere, and that Betty is trying for a hopeless cause.
The last room is the most important to Betty's story, though--it's a window into her past, where she realizes that she needed to take more time for herself. She needed to focus on her, instead of dropping everything for Simon. She makes this realization and changes things for the hypothetical, maze room version of Betty--but naturally, this can't change the past. She's made her choices, and she has to live with that.
I think at the end of the episode, when she takes the "wrong" message away from all of this--she dedicates herself to trying even harder to "fix" Simon--it's mostly because she's scared to accept that she... not wasted, but lost so much of her life because she was so focused on what Simon wanted, or what she thought that Simon needed. She's also still under the effect of the Magic Man hat, so she's still affected by the sadness/madness of that, which likely twisted her view of the situation as well.
But then in the AT finale, she makes her choice to leave Simon. She does it through wishing for his safety, sure, but she still makes the choice to leave him. And in Fionna and Cake, what we see of her--or what's left of her, because we don't know how she's changed, really--is something bigger than what she was before. GOLBetty seems to have realized her own part in the unbalancing of the relationship between them. But that's not what Fionna and Cake is about--it's about Simon, and how he has to move on. Betty has already moved on by the time we see her again. She's showing Simon that, and she's showing him that he has to move on, too. But it's her choice. She could have stayed with him, but...
She takes the bus to the airport. And she takes it without him.
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#adventure time analysis#fionna and cake analysis#idk. thinking thoughts.#they're so important 2 me. they are so in love#they had to MOVE ON and they have to LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER and they have to do whats right for themselves and im so normal abt it i swear#and betty made that realization earlier than simon did but she was too afraid to admit it until now#and she was right!!! and simon recognized that!!! and he let her go!!! and she wanted to go!!!! im so. augh.#also hot take but some ppl saying they wanted betty to “realize that she was also at fault” are just taking the whole situation as like#“uwu simon didnt do anything WRONG betty never TOLD HIM how was he supposed to know it was happening so really its HER FAULT” like girl no#they are both at fault. she shouldve done something but he shouldve noticed#augh. im unwell about them. anyways
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well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.
also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever
(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )
#so. i get why people are against children transitioning i really do. and i have my own nuanced complicated feelings about it#but honestly. im beginning to believe id be more well-adjusted by now even if just a bit if i had started larping as male by 15.#would it fix all of my problems? no. but it would make a lot of things in my life much smoother and easier.#but i was sooo deep into raddie/gc shit that i had this fucking. complex about not wanting to troon because its ~cheating~#and 'omg all the butches are leaving!!1 butch flight i cant be one of them!!!1'#'i MUST be a good example for all the young girls!!!1' a weird sort of almost martyr-like complex if you will.#but as i get older im like... honestly man fuuuuccckkkkk this.#barely anybody expects straight or even bi women to abstain from dating men forever For the Good of Womankind#its not seen as Expected but rather Exceptional and Wow Amazing if you do.#and anyone who Expects it is seen as a ~crazy extremist~#meanwhile lesbians and especially HSTS are almost fucking Expected to sacrifice themselves for the ~greater good~#and ngl other lesbiams perpetuate this shit too.#oh you CANT transition even if you feel it'll make your life easier because because because#[arguments that would really only apply to OSA females transitioning]#[strawman] [misinterpreted stats] [unverified reddit posts]#and if all else fails 'think of how the very act of doing so will HURT ALL OF WOMANKIND'#no fucking wonder dysphoric lesbians develop an fucking insane martyr complex and start to treat hrt/transitioning like its fucking crack#'ill give into the temptation if i see a happy trans person ohh nooo so nobody should be allowed to troon'#like thats not fucking normal! you realize thats NOT FUCKING NORMAL right?#youre acting like a deranged christian who is so afraid of sinning by wrongthink#and disclaimer no. i dont inherently hate being female or a lesbian but with the way i am physically and mentally#i would have/have had a Much easier time integrating into society as a ~man~. just because of how i am physically and mentally.#now i wont say internalized homophobia/etc. NEVER has anything to do with transition or etc. but im gonna be real#for HSTS (which are extremely rare in the first place) thats often only a very small part of it at most.#its often more about making our lives easier and integrating better without having to completely remold our entire personalities.#thats the reality.#would we not transition if society have patriarchy/gender roles/sexism? perhaps. i wont deny that possibility.#the fact of the matter is however#that it wont be happening any time soon. so we just want our lives to be easier.#'oh but youre lying to yourself' not necessarily. i dont have a ~gender identity~ and im well aware of myself and my situation.
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Which Link has the most stuffed animals? Do the others know about them?
I wanna say Wild or Legend, for different reasons.
I feel like Wild likes to have sleepovers with Riju, and they sleep on her piles of sand seal plushies, so he starts his own collection to rival hers for when she visits his house. I also like the idea that he learns to make them, and gifts Riju a hand made sand seal plush. He unabashedly loves plushies and soft things - he didn't get a lot of them as a soldier before the calamity.
Legend hoards things, and I doubt that habit stops at magical items. I sadly don't know much about him, but I'd like to think his bedroom is absolutely full of soft things, and he has a pile of emotionally significant soft toys at the foot of his bed. He generally keeps people out of his room and doesn't speak about them, but when Ravio finds out about the stuffed animals, he makes a stuffed rabbit for him.
Special mentions to:
Hyrule, who I am certain would adore stuffed animals if he came by them in his era. Wild definitely made him a sand seal plush as well.
And Sky, who likely has one or two particularly well loved stuffed animals in his room in skyloft, which he sleeps with every night. Sun gave them to him to protect him from his nightmares/prophetic dreams.
#linked universe#my loz hcs#asks#breanna#omg i love your writing!!!! and your art!!!!! you're so cool!#ahem.. anyways#i dont actually know much about the links beyond fanon im afraid#i think wind and time probably have substantial collections as well#and between them the colours probably have a lot of stuffed animals too#this is mostly red fault. the others cant say no to his puppy eyes and keep buying him more
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Is the Scoundrel not afraid of Fingerking possession?
okay see that's the thing. to be afraid would require that they actively think about it as a thing that could potentially happen to them in the first place. and the thing is that they, uh, well,
they don't.
#when thinking about the scoundrel's reaction to things one perceive the world from the eyes of an egotistical bat#who thinks building statues of itself is not only a great idea but the greatest idea in the universe#and who once licked a coin from off the ground because they thought their own judgement was infallible#they think 1) the fingerkings wouldn't DARE possess them (because they are perfect and magnificent and glorious)#and 2) they're too smart to get tricked by some weird noodles that dont even exist to begin with#tldr; no. no they arent afraid. they arent afraid because they literally think they're built different and it'd never happen to them#they're the guy who'd watch midsommar and go But I Simply Wouldn't Do That. Im Smarter Than That. without getting the point of the movie#ask#fallen london#what im saying is they really should get their body snatched one of these days#it'd be humbling. and lord knows they need said humbling#scoundrelventures
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UUUUGHGGHGHGHGH,,,,
#One my friend says that's what I look like when I talk about my hyperfixation.#They said I sounded like a maniac in one moment :[#I'll have to ask my other friends if I'm not boring them with my yapping-#-where I'm running from one detail to another trying to explain to them what I'm into#and also ask how I look when I talk about them.#And sorry about this post I'll make some normal art soon. I promise!!#I don't really hyperfix often. I can only remember the fnaf times that didn't leave me for years and now I fine....#...ok that fandom still haunts me and I can't stop watching what happens there.... but AHEM#And I never thought I'd hyperfix on anything again.#I thought I was finally free.#but now something's gone very wrong I don't know if it's normal. maybe I need help#I'm afraid it'll get to the point where I'll start telling my dad about it because it's going to be really weird.#now its funny to me because I thought I was only gonna post art on tumblr but ehehehEHEHEHAEHHASHAHFAHHAS#I think I'm getting off topic SO BYE.#.... and also there are TOO many tags IM SORRY#folli's though#< - yeah this tag can be here#shitpost#digital art#doodle#ms paint#art#hyperfixation
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Actually, let me do a poll like one of those internet famous people that build their accounts doing dress ups
*please share your thoughts!!!
**make up folks please explain if you pick this lol
#teach says#danceposting#i know red and green are complementary colors but im afraid it would be too much#if i dont wear red what else can i wear tho#hate pink lipsticks i feel like a clown in them :/#i never wear bright red anyway its always a bit on the darker side#the one i currently have is the brightest ive ever owned and its still not the classic red so
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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i dont wanna say who tho i imagine its easy to guess just bc i would feel kinda bad but when i was at someone’s table yesterday the chick who was there like helping run it was talking abt how she had overheard a bunch of like grown ass, old enough to be his mother women making really blatantly down bad comments abt him while they were in his line and man… mind you it was literally his first con AND his actual mom was there w him what the hell 😭
#like brother i am not quite 4 years older than him? i think????#im 23 next month and he is 19 rn idk his bday tho#and even i wouldnt be saying that shit right THERE in front of his entire table which included his MOTHER#there were literally (2) 15ish yr old girls behind me all giggly abt how they were like#gonna act nonchalant so hed like them#what kinda slasher 4 richie (iykyk) shit u gotta be on to be a grown woman openly fiending for a boy whos like#an age appropriate + very close in age crush to some random hs girls#i felt so bad tho like ppl need to stop being weird#between this and the dudes who were harassing mikey over deweys death at the last spookala#rat clenches fist of rage STOP harassing these ppl!!! ESP at their first ever con yall want them to NEVER COME BACK???#but he was so nice too and clearly so nervous 😭#do not make that sweet boy afraid to step foot in a convention center ever again#r yall thirsty ass facebook moms OUT OF UR MIND?#ceci speaks
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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