#But I think we're talking about different types of comments here

[emilykaldwen]

A long time ago I stopped reading and reviewing your work because you started making these kind of comment posts. I want to keysmash and share my excitement at your work but it began to feel like walking on eggshells so I stopped. You are not just about leaving nasty comments, you explicitly censor anything negatively toned even if it's not about your story. Like if I say in passing I don't like Otto in general you take that as an attack on your story.

Your whole attitude in general is very defensive on here. If people don't somehow align with your personal ethos, you respond aggressively, no matter what it is or if it's not aimed at you. You're extremely critical too and overreact. Your friends are very similar to you. When they express opinions, it becomes just an exercise in gatekeeping or dictating to the fandom. Your post there is a perfect example of telling people what to do because anything else doesn't suit you. Maybe you don't want criticism etc but I welcome feedback of all kinds and review it accordingly. I've learned a lot from critical comments. I know it's not for everyone but that's the point, everyone is different. You want everyone to be like you and follow your rules. You're a tin hat dictator.

This was written because people were going into a fellow author's comments and all they were doing was tearing down the character journeys. That's not constructive criticism, that's just being shitty.

I'm sorry that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me, I welcome keysmashing and excitement, but genuinely, I'm not here to read unsolicited criticism (which IS different from feedback) about something I'm doing in my free time. And that's okay. And it's okay if you're explicitly welcoming concrit. But my concrit is curated through my beta readers. If I wanted constructive crit, I would explicitly ask for that.

When it comes to crit, at the end of the day, I don't know you (general you). You don't know me! and we don't have the trust of that kind of talk, and only my beta circle knows the kind of story that I'm trying to tell.

Like I said, it's totally fine if you are someone who is looking for/welcoming that. All my post was saying, as I said up top: this post was in direct response to people being assholes with nothing constructive and hurting people who have worked hard on their stories. It upset me, and I'm allowed to be upset, because it's like people don't understand there's someone on the other side of the screen.

When you leave a comment about wanting x character to die and you hate them and complain about choices the author is making, consistently, across chapters, I feel like we should all agree that that's shitty behavior. It's being mean for the sake of being loud. It's going into someone's inbox and telling them all this effort you put in is all for nothing because I personally don't like it.

And honestly, I've been in this space long enough where I'm just tired of it. This is supposed to be a fun hobby for people: it's why I always say 'if you don't know what kind of comment to leave, just say thanks! or leave a heart emoji'. And yeah, I get upset in my friend's comments because I'm on the other side listening to her cry because every single comment she's getting is wanting characters to die or complaining about plot points. THAT is what this is about. And I think anyone would feel that for a friend who has been working so hard on something that they're excited and passionate about.

Because when someone leaves a comment talking about what they hate/dislike about the story and that's it, with nothing about 'hey I really like this character portrayal or plot', that sucks. That's demotivating. And I'm seeing it happen across the board and driving writers away. This is why people stop writing.

Fic authors, we aren't publishing books. This isn't up for review USA Today. It's on tumblr, or wattpad, or AO3.

There is 100% a difference between well thought out feedback, and just being inconsiderate and unkind in someone's comments and going shocked pikachu when an author says 'I'm sorry you don't like it, but don't do that'. That's all I'm saying.

I'm not defensive about myself, I'm upset and angry on behalf of what I see happening to my friends, and what I see across fandoms as a whole. I'm glad you've found commenters helpful, but I think we're talking about different types of comments.

[wickworks]

Lancer Tactics dialogue layout crisis of faith

(from this month's backer update)

Every so often, I'll run into something in development that eats away at me until it pushes me to a crisis of faith and I have a breakdown, burn down a bunch of work, and build something better from the ashes. These are moments of transformation and we're almost always able to come out the other side with something much better than what we started with.

This all sounds very dramatic until you take a step back and see the issue in question is just, like, the layout of a menu. But if medieval priests were able to have schisms over angels on pins I can have strong feelings about graphic design, dammit!

This month's episode revolved around how we're doing character dialogue. For reference the plan was to do a standard 4-slot visual-novel talking heads layout. I call it a 4-slot because there's usually four positions that characters can stand; two on the left, two on the right:

I had it ingame, and it was working. But... something felt off. Do you see the difference between every one of the above examples and this?

It's all about perspective, baby.

Answer: all the character art in those examples are drawn at a slight angle so they can be flipped back and forth to be made like they're looking at each other.

Trying to do this with the perspective we chose early — straight on — makes for a chorus line of weirdos who are looking directly into your soul as they ostensibly chat with each other. Credulity is strained; the illusion of these puppets interacting in the same space is paper-thin.

(I was skeptical of choosing this perspective for this reason, but we ultimately went with it to make the customizable assets in the portrait maker easier to fit together)

We tried a bunch of different layouts, but they all at least one of these problems:

they'd stare into your soul while ostensibly directing comments elsewhere.

they felt like text messages; this would be fine if that's what we were going for, but we wanted something that could represent face-to-face conversations. (Tactical Breach Wizards was able to pull this style off because they had little 3D dioramas to go along with it)

or, most damning of all, they felt like zoom calls.

So, my heart aflutter and spirit in want, I spent a day doing a research dive into various dialogue layouts (bless the Game UI Database!) to see if any other games had managed to pull this character art perspective off. I ended up with this massive non-chronological taxonomic tree:

(fullsize here)

The type of layout that particularly caught my eye was this style where each character had their own little box. These layouts borrow a concept from comic books called "closure" where the space and time between characters are left blank. Freed from the constraints of trying to simulate a single space, these layouts allow the reader to fill in the blanks with something that feels more true-to-life than anything we'd be able to render ourselves.

I was especially impressed with the dynamism of Tales of Symphonia and The World Ends With You; rather than sticking to single slots they would animate the entire panels moving around to indicate motion an relative position of characters.

So we threw out the old code and copied them. Here's what we've come up with:

We'll be able to have portraits interact, like smacking each other (I felt like a kid hitting two action figures together, lol)

We can also apply effects like princess-leia-holograms and full-screen "lighting" effects like warning banners:

Carpenter and I came up with a number of arrangements that the portraits can smoothly transition between:

I've also implemented support for choices during a dialogue, potentially leading to branching paths.

Overall, I feel SO much better about this system than our initial designs. It might feel a little more cartoony, but I think we're making a cartoony game so that's not a problem.

Whew. We bit a lot off to chew with this project. I feel like I just made a second visual novel game engine inside of the first. Fingers crossed that it all ends up worth it.

[https-milo]

ILYILYILY YOUR MEGUMI INSTA POST WAS BEAUTIFUL I NOW NEEEEDDDDD A YUUJI ONE 🙏🙏🙏🙏

YUJI FANGIRLS RISE UP!!! indie I LUV YOU TOO!!

DATING YUJI ITADORI INSTAGRAM!

details!

instagram posts w/ comments while dating Yuji Itadori!

a/n OBVIOUSLY these are just pictures off of pinterest, reader can be however you imagine!

a/n Americanizing this one because my homecoming is next week and I think Yuji would be such a good hoco date

a/n Yuji plays football and track/cross country((idk the difference, sue me)) (GO WITH IT.)

a/n modern!no curses!AU

m. list

aoi.todo replied to your story: the friendzone is a terrible place for my brother. luvfromy/n: huh!?! No way! Yuji doesn't like me like that there's no way!! We're just super best friends! aoi.todo: oh I see. aoi.todo: Say, Y/n, whats your type? luvfromy/n: uhhh well... selfless, enthusiastic, and incredibly kind people. someone who's like the sun aoi.todo reacted "👍" to this message

yuujithetiger replied to your story: No need to thank me for hanging out with my favorite person :DD luvfromy/n: :D Being with you is my favorite part of my day yuujithetiger: same here!!

yuujithetiger · 9w

430 likes Liked by megumi.fushi, barabara, and luvfromy/n

yuujithetiger She was the first to run on the field after I got a PR!! :DD I luv my best friend!

luvfromy/n I luv you too!! I'm so proud and happy for you! yuujithetiger luvfromy/n THANK YOU!!! i think I did better because you were cheering for me... just saying! luvfromy/n yuujithetiger well I'm glad I could help then! :DD

barabara nice job loser

aoi.todo THATS MY BROTHER!! choso.kamo aoi.todo 🤨🤨🤨

luvfromy/n · 6w

1.2k likes Liked by yuujithetiger, barabara, choso.kamo, megumi.fushi, and togetalks

luvfromy/n two weeks before homecoming! Had to cheer yuji on at his practice <3

yuujithetiger i always perform better when you're in the stands luvfromy/n yuujithetiger guess I'll just have to keep coming 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ yuujithetiger luvfromy/n guess you do :/// (:DDDDDD)

barabara tell your man to put a shirt on 🤮🤮 luvfromy/n barabara HUH? MEAND YUJI ARENT DATING!?!?!??! barabara luvfromy/n oh! that's interesting...

okkatsuyuta its like hes a machine when you're cheering for him! please keep coming to our games and practices!! luvfromy/n okkatsuyuta wouldn't wanna be anywhere else! I'll always be cheering for Yuji!

luvfromy/n · 6w

1.4k likes Liked by yuujithetiger, megumi.fushi, aoi.todo, barabara, and choso.kamo

luvfromy/n I almost CRIED! I'VE LITERALLY WAITED FOR THIS FOR SO LONG!!!

yuujithetiger MY HEART WAS POUNDING SHOWING IT TO YOU. I'M SO GLAD YOU SAID YES luvfromy/n yuujithetiger WHY WOULDNT I???? yuujithetiger luvfromy/n I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE FRIENDZONE! luvfromy/n yuujithetiger I THOUGHT *I* WAS IN THE FRIENDZONE!!

megumi.fushi finally barabara megumi.fushi literally. choso.kamo barabara listening to him talk about her nonstop was giving me a headache 😭😭

aoi.todo THATS MY BROTHER.

yuujithetiger · 5w

510 likes Liked by megumi.fushi, barabara, choso.kamo, aoi.todo, and togetalks

yuujithetiger the most beautiful girl in the world <3

luvfromy/n the most handsome boy in the world <3 yuujithetiger luvfromy/n homecoming was so fun! It felt like a dream being with you luvfromy/n yuujithetiger NO REAL! I was so nervous the whole time!! but being with you made it better (as it always does) yuujithetiger luvfromy/n I'm glad I could make you feel not so nervous :D luvfromy/n yuujithetiger you really are the sun <3

© https-milo. please do not repost, steal, copy, or modify my works!

Thank you so much for reading <3

[marsprincess889]

Ok so I'm back to bringing you guys' attention to what's going on in my country.

I don't have the heart to tell it all in detail. In truth we're all so familiar with it that talking about it seems comical. But to keep you up to date, there have been massive protests in Tbilisi, Georgia since late November.

On 26th of October of this year, the Georgian Dream party falsifies yet another election and on the 26th of november elects themselves as the ruling party again, despite EU, most of the other nations and all the other parties recognizing the elections as illegitimate. Recently they chose their new president, who was basically the only option. The photo of the literal bulletin from the parliament leaked.

People demand another election, a fair one. Peaceful protests soon turned into police beating up the protestors, even teens and women. They're still using water cannons mixed with pepper spray, in December btw. You can look up the videos, even on here.

The main thing that is painful to me and my generation in all of this is the fact that this is a completely new, modern and different version of the same damn fight. Right now I'm thinking of young men and even women and others who were severely beaten up, about people struggling to make ends meet who have their loved ones in such situations, young people trying to build their future who see less and less hope every day in their homeland but are desparately trying to hold on to the last tiny bit of it, maybe even goimg to protests in that state. Today I heard two girls around my age talking. "We gotta get out of here right?..." "yeah... but who are we leaving it to?" "The country?..."

Being free and sovereign in your homeland should not be an uphill battle or a luxury.

We have been fighting against Russian influence for centuries. For those who don't know, even when the repression isn't obvious, they still attack bit by bit(killing or kidnapping our citizens near the occupated borders??????), often with an old and tried tactic: trying to erase our culture and history, and with it our spirit and identity. And with all the other horrors, this is a huge insult.

My heart sinks everytime I read a random comment on a map or other type of video saying "Georgia is not Europe", "but Georgia is Asia". Not that there's anything wrong with Asia, but those statements mean something different and much deeper than an average foreigner suspects. Georgia never ever was "not Europe" to me. This isn't even about joining EU immediately as much as it is about us voicing our own wishes, opinions and truth as the vast majority of our country.

One thing I want to say to people who are far away from this is this: please do not fall for propaganda. And by that I mean Russian propaganda. If you just try to keep it clean while posting about us or checking sources while reading about us and calling out misinformation, it is going to mean a lot.

I tried to not write about this cause let's be honest, what can I do here?

I hope this will do at least something.

I do have followers so, I'm also asking them🤍🤍🤍 even those who just know me from astrology. Please consider reading and reblogging. 🤍🤍

reblogging(esp with tags) is still support.

Edit, additional info that you should probably know: Georgian Dream is a pro-russian government, they just banned wearing masks and goggles(those protect you from pepper spray by the way). If you walk by the parliament in Tbilisi your eyes and skin will almost definitely start to "burn" and you'll most likely start coughing.

There have been phone numbers calling and cursing at/insulting/threatening citizens, even pre-teens, believe it or not. And since the government passed "the russian law" earlier this year, we are most likely being tracked😐

Here is my post from this spring, written in an angry and tired state.

[blueberry-pride]

hi, can i ask for a part two for this with Floyd,Azul,Riddle,Malleus and Ruggie please?

If u accept request rn?

Don't Deny It Babe~ Part 2

warnings: semi-proof read Berry: I didn't think that the previous post would gain a 2nd part so thank you for the chance! as always, enjoy! <3

"W-wait, are you sure?" Riddle would have a brief mental pause. He'd then have that cute pouty expression when he's embarrassed thus furthering your point. *cue his blush*

Riddle would be a bashful and stuttering mess especially if he's present or within earshot of you talking about his 'cute' qualities to others. He has a reputation of being the strict dorm leader after all!

There would be times that you'd find this young gent to be quiet and a lil timid as you continue to ramble on cuz slowly overtime he'd like this approachable view that you see in him.

Eventually, He'd slowly accept your image of him but I'd imagine you would catch him puffing up his chest as he tries to make himself more refined in the mirror. (Why do I lowkey see him getting "manly" advice from Trey and Cater?) Antics aside, he'd get all warm and fuzzy thinking about your comments, putting a very soft smile to his face whenever he thinks about it <3

If there's anyone who doubts your views, He'd simply watch you debate or argue from afar cuz he enjoys seeing you be so passionate even if the topic is about him. If the others laugh or starts making fun of either you or him tho ...just remember, he IS watching *looks to Ace*

"Uh...what?" Ruggie's ears flattened at the comment. "You think I'm CUTE?" he spoke with wide eyes. I feel like this wouldn't be the first time this hyena was called that compliment. Most likely his grandma. Meemaw Bucchi: *pinches his cheeks* awww you look so cute all dressed up in that uniform!

He'd be the type to ask you the why's, when's, and how's or just whatever type of reasoning you've had to decided out of all descriptions, you chose 'cute' for a guy like him. I see him also being the type to check himself out in front of mirror but in a very confused state.

He'd at first don't want ANY of the Savanaclaw guys hear about this. (he might as well be chopped meat if Leona ever got a word of this) So the moment he'd sense that you're about to go in one your tangents about him, he'd start messing with ya like tickling or hell even spinning you around just to whisk the two of you away from curious eyes and ears.

But I supposed overtime, this hyena beastman would be curious enough to try and use his this 'cute' side to soften people up for opportunities. (Outside of campus most likely) Of course he'd first test it out on you and often times you'd let him cuz after all, who couldn't say no to such a face?

But here's the thing, you're definitely not safe from HIM calling you cute and all~ Imagine he'd playfully steal your pen or something after class and as you try to grab for it he'd give a fleeting peck on the cheek. "Oh would you look at that." He chuckled. "Guess we're both the cute ones now eh (Y/N)~?" goodluck

"eh...HEH?" He stammered. He tries a little too hard to regain his composure afterwards but you'd know that your comments shot through to his classy exterior. Now you're left with a blushing and babbling octo-man.

Similar to Ruggie, our boi also has a lot of questions but the key difference is that he deals with them...internally. You, along with the rest of Octavinelle and even Jamil would notice his scrunched up face at random points throughout the day. A million and one questions running through his mind on why you'd think of him like that.

It was already too late for him because he already overheard you talking about this with the leech twins. He might as well evaporate at that point. You know the gif of the dog smiling while the room is on fire and saying 'This is fine'? That's our boi Azul right there

It takes a while for him to open up to the idea. He takes baby steps by also teasing you and showing you his perceived 'cute' side to you in private just to entertain you and see his precious pearl smile.

Overtime, he'd enjoy it and thinks it's also the best thing ever to rub it in people's face as you talk their ear off especially Jamil. "My precious pearl that is (Y/N) lovingly proclaims that I am the cute one, so that is now law."

"Hmm...You mean" Floyd tilt his head to the side. "Koebi-chan thinks I'm...cute?" He mostly says this out loud to confirm it to himself. After a few seconds he smiles gleefully towards you. Get ready for a wild ride (Y/N)!

Every time he thinks about it or you'd say it again. He'd chuckle and spin you around like as if there weren't any other people around. THAT'S how happy he is. His classmates and the rest of his dorm would find it a lil terrifying seeing this man just humming, kicking his feet in glee during class or in the lounge repeating the words "They think I'm cute~ my Koebi-chan thinks I'm cute~"

I could see him sometimes using this as an excuse to skip his shift at the lounge. Poor Azul cutting his lifespan in half every time he heard Floyd utter the words "Because Koebi-chan said so, wouldn't want to ruin a cute face like mine from all the stress. Maybe you should try it sometime Azul~"

You guys probably already see this one coming but he would be the scary shadow looming over you as you explain your side that your boyfriend is in indeed the cute one out of the two of y'all. 'You dare say otherwise to my (Y/N)?'

Threats aside, I know that Floyd genuinely does love it when you call him cute. I also know that he's clever enough that people would find him scary due to his height and his personality so he lowkey gets all soft when it comes to you, acting all bashfully as he hugs with all the adoration he has for you <3

"Could you please repeat what you've just told me?" He'd ask. "You find me...cute, Child of Man?" Genuinely surprised and has the shooketh or cute dumb-founded expression we all know and love.

This dark Fae overall finds it amusing, chuckles to himself from thinking about it from time to time. The memory of you semi-debating to him, that he, one of the most strongest and formiddable mages in Twisted Wonderland, is adorable.

Diasomnia or just the entirety of NRC is often concerned and question about your state of mind but then you'd shoo them off or rather, they 'unexpectedly have a change of heart and mind' and totally not from the dark aura with horns behind you.

He likes watching you debate about it especially if its his family in Diasomnia (looking at you Sebek) He thinks that when you're like this, he finds it sweet and endearing to defend your case about your judgement of him.

As the mischievous Fae that he often is, I see him doing small tests for you, showing off terrifying magical shi like shaking the ground beneath you, skies littered with thunder and lightning or hell surrounding you in a circle of green flames all to see if you still call him cute afterwards. (GG Night Raven College )

[empyrean-thrones]

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

-XADEN-

Dain Aetos is dancing on my last fucking nerve. Between the petty comments he's been making all afternoon and what I'm sure he thinks are menacing glares, I'm ready to lean over and introduce his face to the Montserrat briefing table.

But Violence wouldn't like that, and as satisfying as it would be to hear his nose crunch against the polished wood, I'm not about to do anything that could end this little training session early and jeopardize Imogen's mission, should her squad realize she isn't actually vomiting in the infirmary.

Not that the healer will remember her ever being there, thanks to Imogen's handy little signet. If she's on schedule, she'll be on her way back from delivering the drop I brought with me. The thought makes me reinforce my shields just in case Dain acts on the threat in his eyes. I'm not letting that fucker's hands anywhere near me.

"So all we do is wait for something to happen?" Ridoc Gamlyn asks - by Dunne, did he just put his dirty-ass boots on the briefing table?

"Yes," the older Sorrengail sister answers from the head of the table to mu left, then gestures with her right hand, knocking Gamlyn, on his ass with lesser magic. "And keep your feet off the table."

The taller of the riders stationed here chuckles and updates the battle behind Violet's sister, but his face falls quickly, his eyes narrowing with suspicion when he catches me watching him. I scratch my neck at the top of my collar, right over my relic, and hold his gaze until he drops it.

Shit like that is why I keep my inconvenient feelings about Violet to my damned self, no matter how good she looks today or how delectable she smells sitting next to me, like some kind of citrus that makes me want to bury my face in the side of her neck and see just how pink I can get her cheeks to flush. No, if I did that, every rider in this room would look at her differently, and not in a good way. Leave it to me to fall for the one woman on the Continent I can never fucking have.

Still, I'd put myself right between her and Liam, ignoring his knowing little smirk, when I took the chair closest to Violet. There's nothing going on there, but he can back the fuck up when I'm around.

"Consider this your Battle Brief," Mira Sorrengail lectures as Gamlyn scurries back into his chair at the foot of the table. "This morning was about a quarter of the patrol we'd regularly fly , so normally we'd just be getting back about now and reporting our findings to the commander. But for the sake of killing time, since we're in this room as the reaction flight for this afternoon, let's pretend we'd come across a newly fortified enemy outpost crossing our border" - she pivots to the map and marks a nearby location with a red flag - "here."

Aetos is too busy glaring at me to look, so I settle back into my seat and do what I do best - stare straight back.

"We're supposed to pretend it just popped up overnight?" There's a little snark in Emery Barnes's tone, but I keep my attention on making Dain as uncomfortable as possible just for fun.

"For the sake of argument, this-year," Mira retorts.

Dain's hands curl into fists on the tabletop, and a corner of my mouth rises. He's pathetically easy to rile.

"I like this game," the shorter of the lieutenants stationed here comments from Mira's side.

"What would our objective be? Mira asks. "Aetos?"

Dain startles and jerks his focus to the map. I   win . "What type of fortifications are there? Are we talking haphazard wooden structure ? Or something more substantial?"

At least he asks good questions.

"Like they had time to build a fortress overnight." Ridoc  quips. "It has to be wooden, right?"

"You are all so fucking literal." Mira rubs at her forehead like we're a headache she can't kick. "Fine, let's say they occupied a keep that's already established. Stone and all." Which means there would be civilians or possibly prisoners inside. Wide-scale dragon fire is out. Fine. Liam scouts out their defenses, then I drench the place in shadow for our assault.

Half of us dismount while the other half take out the gryphons  in the air, and I move in darkness below to free the prisoners with Emery directs controlled blasts of fire by air: wielding, using Quinn as a scout.

My mind runs through three other battle strategies, the stutters in a fourth as I glance in Violet's direction and catch her lips pursing in concentration. Gods, that mouth . I dream about that mouth. Fantasize about that mouth. That kiss burned into my memory like a relic, taunting me with what will never happen again, with what I never should have tasted in the first place.

Mira and Quinn start arguing about the scenario's parameters, and I force my attention back to briefing .

"How many of you have been called out as third-years?" Mira folds her arms.

Emery raises his hand, and I lif t a couple of fingers.

Violet's eyebrows rise, but she stays quiet, just like she has been all afternoon. I crack open my shields just enough to sense that wispy silver bond that's been steadily growing between the two of us - the one she hasn't noticed yet.

" I told you, it's been known to happen between the riders of bonded pairs. " Sagely reminds me, annoyance sharpening her tone.

" And has Tairn  told her? " I ask, to which she doesn't bother replying.

Dain turns a shade that reminds me of a tomato. "That's not correct. We're never called into service until graduation."

I bite back a laugh and offer him a sarcastic thumbs-up.

"Yeah, all right." Emery huffs a laugh. "Just wait until next year. I can't count how many times we're the ones sitting in these very rooms in the midland forts because their riders have been called to the front for an emergency."

Atos pales.

If he knew half of what's actually happening beyond the borders, he'd probably pass out.

"Now that's settled... "Mira sets a six-inch model of a stone kept in the center of the table.

"Catch," she warns before throwing each of us a wooden replica of a dragon.

"Yours are better," I whisper under my breath to Liam.

"I know." He grins, running his thumb over the chunky wings of the figure.

"Pretend Messina and Exal don't exist back there, and we're the only squad available to take back that keep," Mira orders. "Think of the power in this room. Think of what each individual rider brings to the table and how you'd use those powers in unison to conquer your objective."

"But they don't teach that first-years," Liam says like he hasn't been taught battle strategy since we were kids. Lewellen made sure of it once he took guardianship of us after the execution.

Mira's gaze drops to the rebellion relic on Liam's wrist, and I lift my chin. They'd better get used to being in rooms like this, because we're here to stay. At least until we can get Aretia's forge up and running.

Violet clears her throat, and Mira's gaze shifts to her little sister, her eyes flaring before focusing back on Liam.

My chest tightens annoyingly. Whatever look Violet shot her sister, it was obviously in our defense, and damn if that doesn't hit me straight between the ribs.

"They might not teach you this battle strategy as first-years because you're all busy trying to stay on your dragons. You had your first taste of strategy during the Squad Battle, and it's almost May, which means final War-Games should be beginning, right?"

"Two weeks," Dain informs her like  he needs to remind everyone he's still at the table.

"Good timing then. Not all of you will survive the games if you're not prepared." Mira's gaze lingers on Violet long enough to prick my temper. Of all the people in this room, Mira should know how capable Violet is. "This kind of thinking will give your squad - your entire wing - an advantage, since I guarantee your ringleader is already assessing every rider for their own abilities."

I roll the dragon figurine over my knuckles and keep my mouth shut, since I'm not supposed to be here.

"So let's do this." Mira back up and I glance around the table, curiosity settling my attention on Aetos. "Who is in command? And let's pretend that I don't have three years seniority on even the highest-ranked of you."

"Then I'm in command." Aetos sits up stiffly, like someone's called formation.

To my credit, I don't laugh.

"Our wingleader  is here." Liam points in my direction. "I would say that puts him in command."

The spy silver bond solidifies, an emotion - pride - dancing down the pathway even though Violet doesn't move a muscle. Holy shit, we really are connected. This could be -

" Dangerous? Reckless? An unaffordable distraction? " Sagely snaps, and I swear I hear her teeth clash.

" Fun ." There's no denying the bond between us when it's shining at me like a fucking mage light. "We can pretend I'm not here, just for the sake of the exercise." I put my figurine on the table and settle in my chair, then wrap my arm around the back of Violet's seat and enjoy the sight of Dain grinding his teeth, "Give Aetos here the position we all know he craves." His jaw flexes, and I leave my arm planted like a battle marker. The command, he  can have.

I'm mildly curious to see what he does with it. But that's the only  position I'm ceding to the spoiled whiner.

"Don't be a dick," Violet whispers.

" You haven't seen me start to be a dick. " I send the words down the bond.

Her head whips toward mine, her lips parting as she openly gawks at me.

It worked . My heart stumbles, and I bite back a laugh. I was wrong. This isn't just fun , it's instantly vital to my existence. I turn towards her letting a corner of my mouth rise, and look straight into those hypnotic hazel eyes. " You're staring. It's going to get awkward in about thirty seconds if you don't stop. "

"How?" She spits out the whisper like an accusation.

" The same way you talk to Sgaeyl. We're all gloriously, annoyingly linked. This is just one of the perks. Though I'm starting to wish I'd tried it sooner. The look on your face is priceless. " I wink and turn my attention back to the seething pot of jealousy boiling over across the table.

"You're. The. Wingleader." Rain chokes on the words and I can't help but wonder if he's submitting to my rank or accusing me of inappropriate behavior with a subordinate.

Not that I give a fuck either way. If it were safe for Violet, I'd be ecstatically guilty of inappropriate behavior. Wickedly inappropriate. In my bed. In hers. On a table in the Archives, in the bathing chamber and every room with a door to lock so no one else can see what's mine. I'd be so decadently inappropriate that her voice would turn hoarse from screaming my name every single day.

But though she'd be the best thing that ever happened to me, l'd  be the worst thing that ever happened to her. The truth of it sinks like a stone in my stomach.

"I'm not even supposed to be here." I shrug. "But if it makes you feel better, for the purpose of War Games, you'd be getting your orders from your section leader, Garrick Travis, which he'd get from me. You'd be carrying out your maneuvers as a squad for the good of the wing, so pretend I'm another member of your squad and use me as you wish, Aetos." I withdraw my hold on Violet's chair and cross my arms.

"Why are you even here?" Dain whines. "No offense sir, but we weren't exactly expecting senior leadership on this trip."

" Yes, why are you here? " Sgaeyl doesn't disguise the mockery in her tone.

"You're more than aware that Sgaeyl  and Tairn  are mated." My voice stays respectfully level, " It was your idea to bring the daggers. " I'm careful to only speak down Sgaeyl's bond.

" It seemed a prudent course of action, considering your insufferable intolerance to being separated from the general's daughter. " She hugs.

"Three days?" Dain fires back, leaning in. "You couldn't make it three  days?"

" Insufferable? That's a bit far. "

" Where's Violet now? " She mocks. ““ What is she doing? Is she thinking of me? Is she missing me? Is she getting closer to Aetos? Does she dream about that kiss? How many days until Violet's- ””

" Point fucking taken. " She's going to be unbearable on the flight home.

"It has nothing to do with him." Violet slams her dragon figurine on the table. " That's  up to Tairn  and Gayle."

And there she goes again, defending me. Fuck. I love this woman.

" You never considered that it was you I couldn't stay away from? " I ask her. She jabs the point of her elbow into my biceps and I fight the upward curve of my mouth. I love that she isn't scared of me. That she'll call me out in a way no one else besides Sgaeyl does.

Everything she does - even blatantly elbowing me in front of her squad - turns me on. I'm fucked on every level known to man when it comes to Violet Sorrengail. "Now, now, you'll give our little communication secret away if you can't keep from being so....violent. "

"Of course you rush to defend him." Dain whines yet again. "Though how you can forget that this guy wants  to kill you six months ago is beyond me."

He's not lying, but that was when I hated the idea of her, before I knew her - loved her.

Violet stiffens. "I cannot believe you went there."

The hurt in her tone sets my teeth on edge. "Good job remaining professional Aetos." I scratch the relic on my neck to remind him exactly who the fuck I am. "Really shows those leadership qualities to their best advantage."

A rider stationed here whistles. "Do you boys just want to whip it out and measure? It would be faster?"

Liam stifles what's obviously a laugh, and I shoot him a sideways look.

" Enough! " The table vibrates as Mira slams her hands onto the surface.

"Oh, come on, Sorrengail," the shorter rider on her left whines jokingly, and both Sorrengails glance his way.

"I mean...the older Sorrengail. This is the best entertainment we've had in ages." Violet shakes her head, clearing having had enough. "Mira has the ability to extend the shield if the wards are down, so the first thing I would do is send her to scout the area with Teine. We need to know if we're dealing with infantry or gryphon riders."

Excellent point. I hadn't considered Mira in my own calculations.

"Good." Mira sets her dragon close to the castle. "Now let's assume there are gryphons ."

" Speaking of gryphons , ”  I say to Sgaeyl , " Any news from Glane? "

" Still out of range. " she replies.

Sending Imogen an hour south, toward the Draevick border, was a calculated risk given I hadn't much time to get a message to Syrena and her drift, but rendezvousing there was a far better choice than risking her being caught by Cygnus fliers. Cygnus fliers would take the daggers and then kill Imogen to make a point. Stubborn assholes.

"You want to do your job?" Violet's smile practically drips venomous sugar as she turns it on Dain. "I mean, how you can forget you're the squad leader is beyond me."

Fucking love  her.

His knuckles whiten around his figurine. "Quinn, can you astral project from the back of your dragon?"

"Yes," she answers.

"Then I would have you project into the fortress to check for signs of weakness." Dain says.

"And have you report   back.  Same with Liam. We'd use your farsight to see if you can locate where the gryphon riders are and if there are any traps."

"Good. The weaknesses are the wooden gate," Mira adds as the two cadets move their figurines, "and Navarrian citizens they have captive in the dungeons."

"So much for blasting the whole place." Ridos mutters.

"You're an air wielder, right?" Dain asks Emery. "So you can shape your dragon's flames, lead them through the occupied parts of the keep without killing civilians."

"Yes," Emerys answers with a nod. "But l'd  have to be in the keep."

"Then you'll have to get into the keep." Mira's shoulders rise and fall in a shrug.

Emery's eyes flare. "You want me to leave my dragon and go on foot?"

"Why do you think we get all that hand-to-hand training? Or are you going to leave all those innocent people to die?" Mira flicks her wrist and Emery's dragon goes flying into the air. Mira catches it, then sets it in the center of the model. "The real question is, how do we get you close enough without getting you killed? Since I'm guessing others will be busy fighting off the gryphons  that launch once the fireworks start."

"What's your signet Aetos?" Quinn asks.

"Above your pay grade," Dain answers.

Does he actually think that? Or is he so brainwashed by Daddy that he doesn't see they're going to use him as a weapon against other riders?

He looks at every cadet except me, then sighs. "Any ideas?"

Violet shakes her head then says, "Sure." She snatches my dragon and pushes it at the keep, flaring her hand so the figurine levitates above the model. I shouldn't be impressed - it's just lesser magic - but damn she's sexy when she takes charge. "You stop ignoring that you have an incredibly powerful shadow wielder at your disposal and ask him to black out the area so no one sees you land."

Spot-on.

"She's not wrong." Mira bites the words out.

"You can do that?" Aetos slowly looks in my direction.

"Are you seriously asking?" I reach for Sgaeyl's power and it pours into my veins.

"Just wasn't sure you could cover an area that-"

I lift my palms just enough to clear the table and summon the cooling softness of the shadows. They stream out from under the table and blanket the room in less than a heartbeat, devouring all traces of light.

Panic skitters down the silver bond.

" Relax. It's just me. " I crook a finger, and a strand of shadow solidifies along Violet's cheek.

"Fuck me," a rider to the left says.

"I can surround this entire outpost, but I think that might freak some people out." I close my hands, and the shadows jolt back to their natural shade, letting light pour in through the windows. Damn that was fun. It was even worth the threat assessment I'm getting from Mira. Violet tenses like she spotted it too. " I hope you didn't get any ideas while we were in the dark there. "

She lifts her middle finger without even looking my way, and a laugh works past my lips as Mira leads us through the rest of the exercise.

"Good job," Mira finally says, checking the time. "Aetos, Riorson and Sorrengail, I want to see you in the hallway. The rest of you are dismissed."

This should be fun.

She leads the way, then shuts the door behind us once we're in the staircase and throws a blue wave of energy over the doorway. It's an interesting use of power, when I'm more than capable of constructing a powerless one for the sake of privacy.

"Sound shield," Dain smiles. "Nice."

What a suck-up.

"Shut up." Mira pivots a few steps above me, one above Violet and shoves a finger in Aetos's face. "I don't know what bug has crawled up your ass, Dain Aetos, but have you forgotten that you're a squad leader? That you have a very real chance of becoming a wingleader next year?"

Gods help every cadet if  that  happens.

Violet retreats a step in my direction and my brow furrows. Sibling dynamics are something I'll never understand.

"Mira -" Aetos begins.

"Lieutenant Sorrengail," Mira interrupts. "You're blowing it, Dain. I know how badly you want his job next year." She swings that finger toward me. "Don't forget that we've grown up about ten feet apart. And you are blowing it, because what? You're pissed that Violet bonded his dragon's mate?"

Harsh, but I respect her candor.

"He is the worst possible thing for her!" Dain raises his voice.

Huh. Guess we actually agree on something.

"Oh I'm not arguing that." Mira invades his space. "But there's nothing anyone can do about the choice of dragons. They don't bother with the opinions of mere humans, do they? But whatever is going on between the two of you" - her finger flies between Violet and Aetos - is fucking up your squad. If I can see it after four days with you, then they sure as hell can tell.

And if I'd known that you were going to be such a hard-ass with zero flexibility for the things she can't control, I never would have told her to find you after crossing the parapet. You two have been best friends since you were five years old Figure  your shit out." That last part is directed at both of them.

Dain stiffens, then looks Violet's way and nods, which she returns.

An irrational, ugly feeling sours my stomach. They have the kind of history that lingers, the kind that has me really contemplating the word 'jealousy'.

" Glane approaches from the south, " Sgaeyl tells me. " They were successful. "

" Thank you. " Now to get Imogen to the infirmary, and no one will realize she'd ever been missing.

"Good, now get back in there." Mira nods towards the door, and Dain departs heading through the shield. "And as for you." She descends two stars and narrows her eyes on me.

"Is this what she can expect next year?"

"Aetos being an asshole?" I keep my hands off my weapons. Killing Mira might appease the burning need for revenge I've learned to live with, but it's not worth upsetting Violet or dealing with the older Sorrengail sibling either. "Probably."

Mira glares at me, and the resemblance to her mother is uncanny. "Mated dragons typically bond riders in the same year for a reason. You cannot expect your assigned wing or her instructors to let you both fly off every three days."

"Wasn't my choice." I shrug. Lying is easy, except when it comes to Violet. I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

"What are we supposed to do? Tell the giant, flame-throwing dragons how it's going to be?" Violet questions?

"Yes!" Mira shouts, facing her sister. "Because you can't live this way Violet. You'll be the one who ends up missing the training you need, because he's the more powerful of the two of you right now. But if you don't get to focus on your training, then that's how it will always be. You won't ever become who Train can push you to be. Is that what you're after, Riorson?"

My gut twists with anger, and power rushes through me. Fuck it, Violet would get over her sister's death eventually.

"Mira." Violet whispers and shakes her head. "You're wrong about him."

Only in some ways . The beating organ behind my ribs soothes the anger, and my power recedes.

"Listen to me." Mira grabs Violet's shoulders. "He might wield shadows, Violet, but give him his way and you'll become one."

And the power races back in, shadows pulsing at the edges of the stairwell. I'm the one pushing Violet instead of babying her. If Aetos had his way, she'd be smothered in cream

"That won't happen," Violet vows.

"It will if he has anything to say about it." Mira pins a look on me that I don't appreciate.

"Killing someone isn't the only way to destroy them. Keeping you from reaching your potential seems like a great path to the retribution he swore against our mother. Think long and hard. How well do you even know him?"

Violet's swift intake of breath slices like a knife to my side.

"That's what I thought." Mira's expression softens, and I wait to see if she's going to take the Dain route. "Do you even know why he hates our mother so much? Why the kids like him are put on the para-"

Oh, fuck no, she isn't ready to hear half  of what their mother did to me.

"I'm right here." I step up to Violet's side. "In case you didn't notice."

"You're kind of hard to miss," Mira counters.

"You're not listening." I hold her accusing stare and lower my voice. "I. Am. Here. Train didn't drag her back to Basmath. He didn't break through her shields and pour his emotions into her. He didn't demand she fly across the fucking kingdom. Your sister is still right here. I am the one who left my positing and my executive officer in charge of my wing. She's not missing out on  shit ." The truth of the words stings. I might be accomplishing a very risky run, but Style is right. We're here because I couldn't concentrate for shit knowing Violet was this close to the border. I chose Violet over my wing.

"And next year? When you're a brand-new lieutenant? What shit is she going to miss out on then?" Mira asks.

Yeah, fuck if I know. At this rate, they'll have to station me at  Sgiath if I can't get my shit under control and get over -

" Love isn't something you get over, " Sgaeyl reminds me. " Why do you think I flew you all the way out here? "

" To mock me while cavorting with your mate. "

" I didn't say it was without its perks. "

"We'll figure it out," Violet grabs Mira's hand. "Miram he's taken every spare minute he has to train me on the mat for challenges or take me flying in hopes I'll finally figure out how to keep my damned seat without Train holding me in place. He's -"

Mira flinches. "You can't keep your seat?"

Oh shit.

"No." Violet's voice drops to a whisper.

"How the hell can you not ?" Mira's jaw drops.

Fuck. What are the rules when it comes to interfering with sisters? Am I supposed to step in? Let Violet handle it? Lewellen let Liam and me beat the shit out of each other when we fought, but I'm not sure that's the right approach here. I'm also not about to infantilize Violet when her sister is doing a damned good job of it herself.

"Because I'm not you!" Violet shouts.

Mira jolts backwards. "But you...you look so much stronger now."

"My joints and muscles are stronger, because Imogen makes me lift these horrible weights, but that doesn't... fix me." Violet's shoulder drop, and shadows pulse at the edge of the

The color fades from Mira's face. "No. I didn't mean it like that. Vi. You're not anything that needs to be fixed. I just didn't know you couldn't hold your seat. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing you can do about it." Violet's smile is anything but happy. "There's nothing anyone can do about the way I'm made."

The way she's made? She's fucking perfect . Everything about her is what makes her...

Violet.

When the silence grows awkward, my power ebbs. "She's getting better." I tell Mira, just to get her off Violet's back. "The first few weeks were... disastrous."

"Hey, he caught me before I hit the ground." Violet shoots me a not helpful  look.

"Barely," I admit, then rip my gaze from Violet to face down her sister. "You don't have to trust me -"

"Good, because I don't," she says. "All of that power in the hands of someone with your history is bad enough, but to know your dragons are so tangled up that you can't be more than three days away from Violet is unacceptable in every possible way I can think -" She freezes, her eyes going unfocused.

Unnatural quiet falls, and unease ripples down my spine at the lack of the steady, quiet hum of background noise that always accompanies proximity to stored power. My stomach clenches. The wards are down.

" Drift incoming from the east! " Sharyl snarls.

" Let me guess. They're not friendly? " My gaze shoots to the top of the steps. I can have Violet on the ramparts in thirty seconds or less.

" Definitely not! "

"Fuck! The wards are down." Mira grabs Violet into a hug. "You have to go."

"We can help!" Violet's voice pitches toward panic.

" Is this us? " Wards will only fall this quickly if the power supply is compromised....or stolen.

" No. "

Which means we have enemies within the keep already.

"You can't." Mira's voice cuts like steel. "And if Tairn is using his power to keep you seated, he's diminished as well. You have to go. Get out of here. If you love me, Violet, you'll go so I don't have to worry about you, too."

" Western rampart. " Violet needs to be airborne now.

" Where do you think we're already headed? " Sgaeyl  snaps. " And you'd better be there with her ”

The squad races out of the briefing rooms and hurries down the steps as Mira releases Violet and pins me with a look that's equal parts order and desperation. "Get her out of here."

My head rears back. Did she just tell me to go with her? Fuck that.

"Let's go!" Aetos yells. "Now!"

"Even if you don't trust me, I'm the best weapon you have," I remind Mira in a less-than-amiable tone.

"If what you say is true, then you're the best weapon she  has. The other half of the squad will be here in moments, and Teine thinks we have about twenty minutes until the gryphons  arrive." Her expression shifts to a quick but blatant plea before turning to her sister. "You have to get to safety, Violet. I love you. Don't die. I'd hate to be an only child."

" I can get Violet out and track down whoever brought down the wards- "

" If you stay, so will she, " Sgaeyl growls. " And need I remind you what happens to us all if she's killed while you're off proving your acumen? "

Fuck. Every instinct but one demands I fight, but it's that lone, sharply insistent slice of intuition screaming to keep Violet safe above all else that quickly conquers every other impulse. I breathe in sharply, exhaling pure frustration, mentally shifting to a new plan as I whip my arm around Violet's waist and pull her against my side.

She flat-out fights  me as Mira sprints up the stairs to the roof.

"No!" Violet throws her body weight against my grip, but I hold her. "Mira! What if you get hurt? Tarin's speed could be the only thing that saves you. At least let us stay."

Mira pivots at the doorway to face us. "You want me to trust you, Riorson? Get her the fuck out of here and find a way for her to keep her seat. We both know she's dead if she doesn't."

I nod, then shift my grip on Violet's waist, locking my elbow around the delicate curve, and haul her ass down the stairs.

"Mira!" Violet takes her nails along my forearm. "I love you!" she screams over her shoulder.

Her cry rips into my very soul, but I'm not risking her life, even for her sister. Shadows race ahead of use pouring over the steps. If anyone is coming up this direction I'll know before they so much as see  us.

" Close yet? " I ask Sgaeyl as we turn the curve into the barracks' hall.

" Not quite. Glane has rerouted as well. "

Good. Gives us enough time for me to get my pack. If anyone finds the alloy-hilted dagger I keep stored there, I'm fucked.

"Can I trust you to get your own pack?" I ask Violet, setting her on her feet, "Or am I going to have to carry you out of here with whatever you brought?"

"I'll get it myself." She pushes at me, and I release my grip.

Two seconds later, she slams the door to the room she shares with Matthias in my face, and I head into mine just down the hall, finding Liam standing with his arms folded in the center of my room, his pack strapped to his back.

"Was it us?" He says. It's more accusation   than question .

"No." I shove what few belongings I brought into my pack.

"Was it us?" He shouts this time, standing in my way when I turn for the door, like he could actually stop me from leaving if he wanted to.

"No." I repeat, looking him straight in the eye. "I already asked Sgaeyl; we have no operations in the area -"

"Except what Imogen pulled off today," he retorts, his hands clenching.

My jaw flexes. "This wasn't us, Liam. You know I'd never risk civilian casualties by taking down an entire outpost . Imogen carried two dozen  daggers across the border, but even that amount of power wouldn't be enough to affect an outage like this." I sheathe my swords in the scabbards sewn into my pack, then swing it onto my back.

Liam's shoulders dip. "This isn't on us."

"No." I shake my head, then clasp his shoulder. "Get to the roof. We need to mount." He nods, "I'll get Vi -"

"I've got her." I drop my hand and walk past him, swinging open the door to the hallway.

"She's not exactly in favor of leaving. Now, go."

We split at the hallway, and Violet keeps me waiting less than a minute before barrelling through her door carrying two packs and avoiding my gaze as she marches towards the door that leads to the courtyard.

I catch her elbow and spin her to face the correct direction. "Nope. It's too dangerous to leave the fortress walls. We're going up." I hook my arm around her waist before she can even think about fighting me, then carry her to the crowded stairwell before setting her down. "Climb."

"This is bullshit!" Her cheeks flush as she narrows her eyes on me, members of her squad pushing past. "Train could help them!"

And she could die in the process. My resolve hardens to stone. "Your sister is right. You have to make it out, so we're leaving. Now fucking climb." Or so help me Dunne, I will throw her over my damned shoulder right in front of everyone.

"Dain." Her gaze swings to the squad leader just ahead of us like he's of fucking use right now.

He takes Matthia's  pack from Violet. "For once, Riorson and I agree. It's not just you we have to get out Violet. Think of every other first-year. Are you going to sentence an entire untrained squad to death?" He starts climbing and, lucky for me, Violet follows. "Because I'll make it. And we all fucking know Riorson will. But what about Rhiannon? Ridoc? Sawyer?

You want their deaths in your hands?"

Is it just me or is he already out of breath as we climb through the third floor and out onto the roof?

Emery mounts ahead of us on the annoyingly narrow rampart. The design is great for preventing fliers from doing the same, but it's not doing us any favor at the moment.

"Ridoc and Quinn are already in the air." Liam announces watching Emery launch on his

Brown Clubtail.

I sport Deigh next to Cath, hovering with shallow beats of their wings.

"You're next!" I order Liam, and thankfully for our time's sake, Dain agrees, which means I don't have to kill him.

Chunks of masonry tumble to the bailey as Deigh lands, and Liam wastes no time, taking the rampart at a run just like we'd practiced hundreds of times in Lewellen.

"You next Aetos." My gaze takes the sky for any sign of Train.

" Coming behind you, " the surly behemoth deigns to speak to me. " She's not going to like the method. "

"Vi-" Aetos has the nerve to object.

"That's an order." Just because I loathe the simpering daddy's boy doesn't mean I  want  to be responsible for the death of a younger cadet. Plus, I can't afford Aetos senior making my life hell. "I've got her. Go."

"Go." Violet pleads.

Aetos turns my way and offers me his best impression of a threatening glare. "I'm trusting you to get her out."

I don't have time for this bullshit. "There's a lot of that going around today," I snap . "Now get on your dragon so I can get her on hers."

He heads down the rampart towards Cath, but he's nowhere as fast as Liam.

" What method isn't she going to like? " I ask Tarin, choosing the pathway that excludes Violet the same way he had.

" I'm going to have to... " He pauses, and I note Violet scanning the sky above us. " Scoop her up. It won't be her most dignified moment. "

Oh she's going to love  that.

"I can't do this." Violet twists in my grip, turning those hazel eyes on me. "The others are gone. Call it the favour  you owe me, I don't care. We can stay. I can't just leave her here. It's wrong, and it's something she'd never do to me. I have to stay for her. I just have to."

Fuck. I get it. I really do. Liam and Bodhi are the closest things I have to siblings and I wouldn't leave with their lives on the line either. But this isn't Liam. Or Bodhi. It's her . And we aren't at Basquiat. That approaching threat - and whoever is responsible for compromising the power supply for the adds  - will kill her if given the chance, and that's not something I'll ever let happen.

But damn, her courage has me tripping over my feelings for her.

" Approaching, " Sgaeyl informs me.

" Not fast enough. "

Violet isn't going to leave of her own accord: I can see it in her eyes, feel it in the tense lines of her back. I drop my shields, and her emotions hurtle down the bond. Determination. Fear-

She's going to bolt.

And there's only one way to stop her. I lift my hands from her waist to the velvet-soft skin of her cheeks, memorizing every color in her eyes as I cup the back of her neck, preparing to commit what she'll think is an unforgivable sin.

I kiss  her. It's hard and raw, wild and desperate, and the way she opens for me, kissing me back with abandon, nearly takes me out at the knees. Gods. I'll never get enough of this woman. Her mind. Her tenacity. Her mouth.

I kiss her like this might be the last time she'll let me. Like this is an alternate reality and there's a chance she could love me back.

I kiss her like she's mine .

It's a stolen moment - it can never be anything more - but it's ours.

Wingbeats approach, and I ignore them, stroking my tongue against hers again and again, keeping my hands at the nape of her neck by sheer force of will, denying the urge to explore every curve, every hollow of her tight body. I've never wanted anyone the way I want her, never craved a woman's laugh as much as her touch or needed her trust more than my next breath. Only Violet.

I tear my mouth away, the steady pulse of wings undeniable as Train and Sgaeyl approach.

Wind gusts, catching the loosened strands of her hair as I lean my forehead against hers.

"Leave for me , Violet,"

She stiffens, accusation  filling her eyes as quickly that  I know she's figured out that I just used our attraction to distract her. "I will hate you for this."

Ouch.

"Yeah." I nod, accepting the consequences of my actions. "I can live with that." I can live with anything as long as she's still breathing, so I drop my hands to her arms and force them out at her sides. "Arms up. Hold tight."

"Fuck. You." She hisses out the words a shadow falls over us, and I hit the floor, catching myself with my hands as a black claw fills the space I just occupied, hooking Violet's arms and snatching her into the sky.

"She'll never forgive me," I tell Sharyl as she lands on the narrow perch ahead of me. "Especially if something happens to her sister."

She tilts her head, staring at me with typical impatience as I launch my feet and sprint down the rampart towards her. We're airborne in seconds, her wings pummeling the air before I even reach the seat. "If she can't forgive you for the least of your transgressions, then she doesn't deserve you."

"I don't think she'll see it that way." I get a good grip on her scales and settle in for the flight.

"Then you'd better start praying to your gods that her sister survives."

[tlbodine]

Tips for Talking to Conservative Friends & Family

In the wake of the election, with the holidays around the corner, some of you may be wondering how to deal with friends, family members, coworkers, etc. who voted for Trump and/or who espouse his policies.

This guide is by no means meant to be authoritative and won't work in every circumstance. I accept no responsibility for what happens if you use any scripts and it goes horribly awry. But I did want to share some of my personal experience in this vein, as someone with a great deal of conservative people in my life whom I generally love and respect and would like to maintain a civil relationship with (and, hopefully, bring them back to center if not my side). I've had decent luck with these strategies in the past.

First: Only engage if it is safe to do so.

Do not get into political discussions that might endanger your job, your living situation, your access to care, or your physical and emotional safety. However, do engage if you are able to do so safely and your doing so might help someone in a more vulnerable position. What the fuck is privilege for if not using it to protect people?

Second: Identify your goal.

Do you want to de-escalate a situation so someone can get out of immediate danger? Do you want to establish a boundary? Or do you want to actually attempt to convert someone over to your side? Each goal has different tactics. Be realistic with yourself about what you're going to accomplish. If you do not have a close relationship with the person, you are extremely unlikely to change their mind about anything, and it's frankly not worth the effort. Let someone who is close to them do that work. De-escalate, set a boundary if possible, and gtfo.

But if you do have a close relationship -- if this person generally likes and respects you -- then you might have a shot at challenging their views.

We're going to assume a scenario where you're dealing with people you know and who you can generally count on not to be immediately aggressive. Somebody else will be better-equipped to talk about strategies for dealing with protests and people on the street etc.

De-Escalation & Setting Boundaries

This is your first line of defense against family members acting shitty. If someone tries to start a debate, makes an off-color joke or comment, or is otherwise behaving inappropriately, try:

Let's not talk about this over dinner.

I don't think this is appropriate conversation right now.

That's an awful thing to say.

I don't understand that joke, can you explain why it's funny?

I'm sorry, I won't listen to any more of this (leave the room)

That's not okay.

What you want to do here is make an appeal to correct standards of behavior. You want them to feel ashamed for acting out of line. In order to make this work, it is essential that you:

Remain calm and keep an even, light-but-firm tone of voice. It needs to be clear that you're not joking around, but you also cannot sound upset. (Yes, this is really hard. I'm sorry.) Practice your very best "I'm not angry, just disappointed" tone for maximum effect. If you can manage it, eye contact and a neutral or even slightly concerned or sad expression will make it even better.

Avoid insulting or attacking them. Do not say things like, "Stop being an asshole" or "I can't believe you're acting like this" no matter how much you want to. Do not say "That's racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic." These types of replies, no matter how accurate, will make them defensive, and defensive people shut down and stop listening. If you come off as angry, that gives THEM permission to be angry right back. But if you come off as the normal one, them getting angry makes them look like a dick.

Do not laugh. Avoid the urge to chuckle nervously or joke it off. It WILL feel uncomfortable. It WILL be awkward as fuck. That's the point. They are misbehaving by violating a standard of appropriate behavior, and you are setting down a boundary. The awkwardness will fade and, frankly, they'll often start behaving better pretty much immediately.

Follow through on your consequences. If you say, "Dad, if you continue to bring up Trump, I will not call you anymore," you have to stick to it. Holding firm to your boundaries is HARD AS FUCK but if you don't do it then all you do is teach them that they can wear you down. Think of it like training a dog. Consistency is key.

You're not going to change anybody's closely-held beliefs with this strategy, but you WILL make a case for what is allowable around you. If you model this behavior, and encourage and embolden other people you know to do the same, you might be surprised. A lot of times, people's inappropriate behavior is a boundary-testing mechanism -- they tell the racist joke because they want to see if they can get away with it -- and if you shut them down, they often just...stop. Or at least retreat into their little hole to talk to fellow gremlins instead of you.

Challenging Views, Changing Minds

Okay. You actually want to engage them in conversation. You want to challenge their views and help them change their opinion. How do you do that?

Again, it's essential that you remain calm. If you can't have this discussion without getting heated, it's not the time to have the discussion. If they start to get heated, be prepared to de-escalate and walk away: "I cannot continue this conversation with you right now. Let's talk again some other time when we've cooled off."

But if you can keep calm, here is what actually works (sometimes):

Listen to them. No, really. Hear them out.

Help them feel heard by empathizing with them. Repeat back your understanding of what they said and how that must feel.

Remind them that for other people, THEY are feeling xyz emotion, too.

Ask them questions. Instead of telling them they're wrong, ask questions that will lead them to draw that conclusion themselves.

Make appeals to emotion rather than starting with facts and logic. You'll know what kind of emotion to draw on because you've been listening to them and empathizing. Hint: almost always, bigotry (at the personal level) is rooted in fear.

If this is going well, THEN you can start citing some sources, statistics, and facts.

Invite them to share THEIR sources with you.

Thank them for doing such a good job at being calm and discussing this with you, reaffirm your close relationship, and encourage them to come talk to you about this at any time. It's very possible that you are the only person they might feel safe bringing this stuff up to now and you want to keep that channel of communication open.

Very often (not always, or often), conservative-leaning individuals are people who lack the education or knowledge that left-leaning people do. They may be accustomed to being insulted, yelled at, and made to feel stupid. They are conditioned to believe that folks on the left are smug, holier-than-thou, stuck-up assholes. Whatever you can do to poke a hole in that perception will simultaneously make it easier to talk to them AND cause them to question that rhetoric the next time they encounter it.

This tactic won't always work. It probably won't work at all the first conversation. It's something you'll have to chip away at over time. But sometimes, it's worth it.

And if it's not? Well. As they say.

[trainsinanime]

So much of the talk about fanfic comments is bound up in ideas of rules and exchange and trades and so on. Lots of talk about how nobody comments anymore, but also just as lots of talk about receiving the wrong types of comments. I can sort of see why someone, especially someone who speaks English as a second language, might be intimidated by it. But at the core of it, it's really quite simple: Do you like that a fanfic exists? Does it make you happy? You can make the creator happy by leaving a comment that tells them so!

Every other consideration is kind of secondary and arguably misses the point entirely. For example there's the talk about people setting up private discord servers to discuss fanfic, and is that a good thing or a bad thing and do fans deserve spaces to discuss things away from their creators and… look, that's all too complicated. You do whatever you want. But if you love a fanfic, telling its author that you do will make them happy. And as elementary-school as it sounds, we all want to be happy together here in this world.

Can you comment on old fics? Yes. A multitude of polls have proven that there is no fanfic author ever who had a problem with that, and most of them don't even understand the question. Is that a thing on Instagram or something where leaving comments on old works hurts the algorithm or something? No clue. I only use Instagram to get ads for model trains. Over here in the fanfic world, the rule stands: If you like a work, any work, no matter how old or weird or how much the author apologises for it in the notes, if you let them know you like it, you'll make them happy.

Does it intimidate you? Do you think that surely this author of this great fic that rewired your brain already knows how good they are, and your little comment will seem insulting next to it? No, don't worry. Telling them that you like it will still make them happy.

What to comment? Fashions and opinions have changed on this over the years I've been in fandom, and today the general rule is to not include anything negative at all, neither about the work nor "I hate this fandom/pairing/trope except this time" and so on. Telling people to please update soon is right out. But at the end of the day, it's actually quite simple: Tell people that you liked their fic. If you can think of anything specific you like, mention that, if not, that's okay too.

(An aside: I also think fanfic writers could stand with being a bit more tolerant at times. Someone telling you they like your fic in not quite perfect terms is still someone telling you they like your fic.)

There are also people talking about how lack of comments will drive authors out of fandoms or fanfic writing in general, and how more comments may motivate them to write more. To tell you the truth, it's not quite as easy as that, fanfic writers stop writing for all sorts of reasons and many new ones start writing every day. I am not the biggest fan of talking about this in economic terms at all. We're a community. We'd like to make each other happy (which may take different forms depending on what sort of fanfic it is). A happy fanfic writer is its own reward.

The key here is: Don't overthink it. Don't think of reasons why you have to comment, don't think of reasons why you shouldn't be required to. Think about whether the author of the fic that you enjoyed would like to hear that you did so. The answer is always yes.

[rottmnt-residuum]

Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)

*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*

hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.

april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.

raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?

leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).

donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.

(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)

mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace

[sweetmariihs2]

Someone in the STF fandom is spreading lies and harassing me ‼️this will be a long post

TW: harassment, c*dfia/cedfia, self harm and suicide. I think the self harm and suicide mentions are fake, but it still can trigger someone so let me put this here.

I'm sorry for writing mistakes, my mind is faster than my typing

I'm going to divide this by titles and topics because this situation is huge.

Some time ago i had a discussion about cedric's age with a blog that didn't had anything in it, not a pfp or other posts, which makes me think that it's a backup blog for someone who wants to send free hate and don't be held responsible for this

The person was very rude and got really upset because I used good arguments about the topic, and they kept reblogging and fighting every single time, I was already tired of it. Then in the last reblog I said "please stop, i'm going to block you" with hopes that this person would understand how rude they were being, but then they accused me of harassment????

This is the person and that's the post i'm talking about:

At first it was a light discussion about Cedric the sorcerer's age, but then the person started to get really rude out of nowhere. I think they didn't liked me because I used good arguments and that made them stressed, I don't know. I went with it because internet fights are common and didn't liked the way I was being treated by them. Everyone in the STF fandom here on tumblr is very nice and polite

I recorded it because there's no way I'm taking so many screenshots. You can pause to read if you want. This situation is so stupid

And that's it, after they said that I blocked them.

They started saying something about harassment, no one said anything about that. The ending really pisses me off because I spent all the dozens of reblogs showing canon arguments, but ok, this is irrelevant right now. I just know that I told them to stop interacting with me and literally let me be (they were doing this for almost like 2 hours? And never gave up on fighting, everytime I said something they kept on fighting)

I don't know, I think I had hopes that they would magically understand what they were doing. But yeah, of course they didn't, and I blocked them. A friend of mine said I should have blocked them from the beggining without even saying anything, she was right 😐

This person have other posts raging about Cedric's age, they can never forget about this discussion, oh my god. The arguments they used will be later mentioned in this post.

TRIXIESTUFFS/CLOVEREARS

Remember that theory I had about this being a backup blog? While they were blocked, I found some blogs in the fandom that had the same arguments as them and were discussing about this again with different people. One day I was scrolling through Cedric posts as always and then in the comments of other blog, I don't really remember which, there was this person in the comments discussing about cedric's age and using the same arguments, specially the "when they were children cedric looked a lot younger than roland, he still had baby cheeks". This person also has the same arguments, typing patterns, never gives up on arguing, just like @agentswibble and I really believe that we're talking about the same person here. That's the blog: @cloverears

The name is cloverears but they also can be called TrixieStuffs. Remember that name

There is also another blog who interacted with me saying that posts about sofia being cedric's daughter figure were weird, and in their profile they had a post saying that they should marry eachother as companions in life in a "non c*dfia way". I actually thought at that time that this was the same person again, but I can't proof that, so I'll leave that out. That post about them marrying eachother and then saying that they don't support c*dfia was weird.

Last minuted edit: I decided to add them later to the post because they also had weird behaviors and spoke about the video in a post I'll talk about later

CEDRIC BEING IN HIS 20'S VIDEO AND CEDFIAENTHUSIAST

I also have a theory about other blog that might or might not be real, and I feel like it would be immoral if I brought that up... but I really need to tell you guys everything I have related to this person or this situation, and I can't cut this off from the post. Months after arguing with @agentswibble I decided to organize all my thoughts and make a proper, calmer post about Cedric's age. I DIDN'T WANT TO DIG UP ANYTHING, I SWEAR, I just wanted to make a more organized post about a topic that I know is recurrent in the fandom. You can find it by searching for "age" or other keywords in my blog, it's not relevant so I won't put it here. But for making that blog, I remember that there was a video on YouTube talking about Cedric's age and saying that he's a rookie in the role of royal sorcerer, and that he's in his 20's. I watched it when I entered the fandom at january 2024. I searched for that video and added the link to my post, so that anyone who's reading can see the arguments about his age being 20something, and later on in the post I would give arguments about him being 40. Normal usual discussion post, respectful, no fights, just me and myself talking about a character age.

But I noticed that every time I saw someone denying Cedric's age being 40 they were C*dfia fans, and I saw that happening 3 times. Went to that famous video on youtube again out of curiosity and... the person who made it is called CedfiaEnthusiast. When I made the post, I remembered the video but I haven't actually rewatched it until the moment I ended writing my arguments and finally, to answer any arguments they used in the video, watched it again. Found out thay they used the same arguments as those people from before "Cedric still had baby cheeks when Roland looked like a whole teenager", these words, always. Started to wonder if they are the same person and searched a bit more to be sure.

I thought I had done a huge discovery, but then I remembered seeing something about this Nick name on tumblr, and I found a blog. Their actual name was changed from CedfiaEnthusiast to @sorcerers-secrets . That is the blog. They write c*dfia fanfiction, honestly I'm not even talking about the shipp here, won't talk about it for long, focus on the blogs. CedfiaEnthusiast is their name on Ao3.

Edit: they only write c*dfia, and I found an oneshot that includes 🍇. Yeah not very nice find

Right now I went to their youtube channel and found this:

And that's another discovery: these short videos are ALL videos made by an account here on tumblr that ONLY posts this. CedfiaEnthusiast on youtube might be just reposting? Yes, but posting each one of these memes (and they're not even funny) makes me believe that they made them. Because CedfiaEnthusiast uses tumblr, they are used with this website and it wouldn't be hard to constantly be here finding/making new posts etc. Their connection to tumblr is very real at this point. And by using the same personal opinion/kinda nonsense argument of "cedric having baby cheeks and roland looking like a whole teenager" (he didn't, in fact his head is so big that he looks like baby fr) makes me believe that it's the same person because there's no way more than one person actually believe that.

Edit: I searched for them. The person who makes them is @cedfiaenthusiast1 . How funny

In the youtube "cedric being 20" video, they also used the same arguments as @agentswibble !! About saying that "just because Craig Gerber said something it doesn't mean that it's canon, and if he said Cedric is something something Dragon ball z and something you would believe him" . Saying that we believe everything he says because he's the writer even when he says stuff that doesn't make sense. But I would like to point out this here. This argument.

Clear as daylight. I firmly believe that they are related. (And just like I said... cedric being 20 is still/once again a c*dfia argument as always, the person who made the video is a c*dfia shipper and looks like the person who's been arguing with me for ages about this stupid age thing is the same person again)

CEDRICTHEWISE ALSO BEING BOTHERED BY THIS PERSON +CEDDY3000

You know, some time ago Disney Jr posted a meme saying that Cedric is 41, and I took a screenshot and posted it because I got genuinely happy that those c*dfia shippers got debunked (but I didn't said anything about that part) and because I was right the whole time. Who never, alright?

@cedricthewise reblogged my post like this. Please don't involve them in this situation, I just wanted to show that there are other people saying the same thing.

In that same post, remember I said that I thought that a blog who posted "cedric and sofia should marry in a non c*dfia way"? So, they also showed up in that post talking about "a great video that talks about Cedric's age on youtube" and denying and denying cedric's age. Very, very weird.

@cedricthewise also posted some of Craig Gerber telling canon stuff to the fans just because it's nice to know about that stuff, and this wasn't related to this situation at all. But then @cloverears appeared out of nowhere and started....

I remember very vividly of them using the "cedric baby cheeks roland teenager" argument but I couldn't find it. I DO REMEMBER IT. I remember that they appeared in one of my posts arguing, but then I deleted those fighting comments after believing that this was the same person as agentswibble. Maybe that's where they used the "cedric baby cheeks" argument. I can't find it and I believe it's deleted, and I don't have any screenshots either :/

I have a looooong chat with a friend that had been lasting months now, and I sent her stuff about this case some time ago. Today I spoke about it again and asked if she had any screenshots, and she said she would search for me. We will have to wait :/

RECENTLY UNBLOCKED PEOPLE, TRIXIE AND ANTICEDFIAWEEK

Some days ago, I don't know if it was yesterday or before, I was cleaning and organizing my blog. I found the "blocked blogs" part and after reading all the names and not even recognizing most of them I unblocked everyone. Maybe not the smartest decision? Probably... but my line of thought was "well I don't even remember these people anymore, none of the reasons I blocked them are relevant then. Guess I'll take them from here. Idk what they did but I'm sure I won't even see them/interact with them anymore and honestly? What if those people changed they opinion about whatever reason I blocked them? I was blocked by an artist I really like for a long time and I never had even interacted with them, now they just unblocked me for no reason and I feel so much better. Maybe someone there feels like that too?" (I swear i'm just so dumb, i don't know if that's innocence or stupidity)

Well, turns out that this person already started doing it's things again. There is a blog that most of you probably know, @anticedfiaweek . I know this blog since it appeared in the fandom but apart from talking sometimes, usually saying just hi or have a good day, we don't know eachother much. Today they sent me tons of screenshots, and that's the reason I'm making this whole post. I'm sorry for the huge amount of images. These were taken by @anticedfiaweek , that's the whole conversation they had

They're talking about a 9 year old called trixie who aparently hurts herself and tried to "delete" herself because of anti c*dfia posts. Trixie is @cloverears actual name and I believed them to be the same person as @agentswibble since months ago. I have no idea of what is happening, I don't know why they are mad at me, I don't harass anyone and barely even fight on tumblr, I don't like fights, specially about cartoon stuff, who wastes time on this??? Cartoons and Internet discussions are made to have fun.

And you know what's funny? Agentswibble saying that they don't shipp c*dfia. Ha. Okay.

At the same time @agentswibble messaged me the same stuff.

ENDING THE POST

Since the beggining I saw agentswibble blog and found it weird that it was empty, I always thought they had more than one account. Seems like I was right :/

I made this post to tell the fandom about what's happening. I haven't done anything to anyone and someone is spreading lies out there saying that I harass people. After I started understanding everything I felt like I needed to organize my thoughts and show them. All these profiles are related and I believe that they're owned by the same person, I will block all of them again and never unblock them - ever. I won't say that you should do the same, you can do whatever you think it's better, just... keep everything I said in mind :/

[vulpixisananimal]

"So. . ."

(You were lying down on a couch. You were doing woodcarving; it was theraputic. Mirabelle had just come over from cleaning up and sat at the other end of the couch.)

"Hello Mirabelle, got any questions for your friendly star~"

(She tittered at that.) "Hehe, maybe a few. Even if it, might not matter much."

"Talking is still nice, ask away."

"Well. . ." (She thought for a second.) "Well are you, doing ok?"

"???" (That took you by surprise. You were expecting something about how the loops worked, or where they came from.) ". . . I'm, well I'm doing great! We've only been doing this for a few loops and that's practicaly No time at all~"

"W-well, I suppose, but I meant more in general."

(You paused carving.) "Hmm?"

"Well, Siffrin said you showed up soon after we beat the King. And, well, I was wondering, has it been alright? I-I mean, sharing a body with Sif and all. A-and like, since we didn't know you were around did we do something that made you-"

"Oh hush Mirabelle." (You twirl your dagger casually.) "It was a lovely time in Bambouche, really! The beach was just so nice, it was a good way to meet Nille too! No need to explain the whole being a star thing~"

"I guess so. . ."

"I will say, as much as I like Stardust," (You lower your tone to a dramatic one.) "Sharing a head with them is agony sometimes."

(She giggles again.) "Is it really that hard? Or. ."

"It's complicated. So, so complicated." (You thougt for a moment.) "Talking to eachother is like. . . Almost like someone else is having thoughts in your own head. And you have thoughts back. It can be hard to tell whos thoughts are whos, but you can 'talk' very fast."

"Because you're just thinking to eachother?"

"In a way~" (You tap your chin with your knife.) "It's hard to explain, but I might to better a better job next time, tee hee~"

(Another giggle.) "It makes some sense, I think."

"From what I've read it's a very complex disorder." (Odiles voice. You turn, she was finding a place to sit down.) "Each person experiences it differently too."

"Complex doesn't even start to describe it. . ." (You decide to just put away your carving.) "Headaches are almost constant."

"With how Siffrin thinks? Well I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"Oh the burdens we must bare."

"What burdens are we bareing today?" (It was Isabeau walking in now.)

"The big furry types of course~"

"Ha! Haha!"

"Well you two have something in common."

"Tee hee~"

(You sat up and made room or Isabeau on the couch. He sat down and talked.) "Bonnie and Nille are just putting some leftovers away." (He looked over at Mirabelle.) "You're sure there's no bruising? Bonnie still has a headache."

(. . .)

"I'm positive, I double and tripple checked."

(For the love of Stars will you just tell me what I missed already?!? CLEARLY something happened you're not telling me.)

(I will not tell you.)

(You are infuriating.)

"Kid probably just needs a lie down." (Isa comments.)

"Once this is over we all do." (You say, you still felt exhausted from all this time craft. Will you at least tell me when we're out of this blinding loop?)

(I can agree to that.)

"Speaking of such. Would you mind if we try talking to Stardust now?" (Odile asked.)

(You nod.) "If ever there was a time for it~"

". . . So how do we do this?" (Asked Mirabelle.)

"Well, first I'll get Siffrin back here. It might get a bit confusing for us but don't worry about that~" (You thought for a moment.) "Although, Isabeau, if that mind craft is still afflicting Siffrin, could you try making sure he doesn't do anything stupid?"

"Uh, alright! I think I can do that."

"I'd like to ask Siffrin the questions if that's alright." (Odile had gotten up from her seat and walked over.)

"Of course, and Mirabelle if you could. . ."

"Morale support?" (She suggested.)

"Morale support!"

"Perfect, moral support it is."

(Alright. . . Siffrin. . .)

(You breath in, and out. Stardust, where just where are you Stardust. You were forced out quite abruptly, but you could come back with. . . The thoughts of Isabeau? No no, something bad maybe? Probaly not. What about his favorite foods? Oh well they did love that Pan Au Chocolate-)

(Huh?)

(You feel a bit dizzy. There you are Stardust~)

(Loop? What happened. I was forced out of front by Mal du Pays, I didn't remember much afterwards. You're here because they want to ask you a few questions. Yes? Why though?)

(They're worried about you. Something happened. So if you don't mind. . .)

(You blink a few times, you had a mild headache but it cleared fast.) "Uh. . ."

"Siffrin?" (Huh? Or Mirabelle was at your side. Isabeau and Odile too.)

(You rub your head.) "Hi uh. . . What happened?"

(Mirabelle glanced over to Odile, who started talking.) "Are you feeling alright, Siffrin?"

"Dazed, headache, confused. Did something happen??"

"I'm getting to that." (Odile continued.) "Do you remember what happened?"

"Uhm. . . I was talking to Ramos? Yeah, yeah Ramos came over to see Isabeau."

(You glance between the three of them. Loop what's going on?)

(Mental check in, Stardust.)

"And what did you talk about."

"It was. . . Right! We were chatting about our adventures, how we met Isabeau, and uh. . ."

(You glance at Isa as Odile continues.) "What else?"

"Well, well, they were curious if Isabeau mentioned them at all." (Why was it so hard to remember?)

"And you said. . ."

(You smiled.) "I said 'of course he did!'"

(. . .Stars.)

(Huh? Did you say something wrong? They all looked worried. Isabeau spoke up.) "Are. . . Are you sure Sif?"

"Positive, right?" (You think hard.) "Because. . . Because you talked about them helping you for the Defenders exams?"

(Isabeau looked. . . Sad? What was going on?!?)

"That, didn't happen, Siffrin." (Odile said.) "I'm, sorry but that's not true."

"Huh?!?"

(You could feel your breathing quicken. What do they mean??? Ramos was, was Isabeaus best friend, right? Hadn't you been excited to see them?!? That's why you came here in the first place right???)

(You have a headache. What was going on?!? No, no Ramos was your friend right?)

"Siffrin?" (You turn to Isabeau, he was holding out a hand. You grab it and squeeze. He doesn't even flinch.) "It's. . . Well, just take a breath first, ok? With me? Just like you showed us, right?"

(Right, right, just breathe. In. . . . and Out. . .)

(Feeling better, Stardust?)

(No, yes, maybe. Just. I'm just confused.) "Alright, alright, please tell me what happened, please."

"Siffrin, well, Ramos isn't really, a good person right now, I think." (You turn to Mirabelle as she continues.) "They, well, Loop told us that they've been effecting people with Mind Craft. You included."

(??????????)

(It's a craft type that effects ones memories, ones mind. Your perception of Ramos has been altered, Stardust.)

(Odile talking now.) "It should be reversable, but from what I know it might be more difficult as it may be powered by a wish. If that's the case it could. . ."

"It would just take a while!" (Mira jumps in.) "But! The good news is Loop isn't effected?"

(Your breathing is getting heavy again. What? But, Ramos was a big figure in Isabeaus life, right? There where all those stories! Like, like.)

(You cannot remember.)

(It's a trick, Stardust~ A nasty one at that.)

(You lean into Isabeau, you feel lightheaded.) "A-are you sure? I, I mean. . ." (It. . . It was really hard to believe. You had this feeling, this instinct, that Ramos was a friend, the best, the. . .)

"Sorry Sif." (Isa gently put a hand on your head. You didnt flinch.) "We'll get this figured out, ok?"

". . . Promise?"

"I promise!"

"Of course I promise!" (Mirabelle chimed in.)

"I don't want to see what happens when your memory gets worse. I promise we'll figure it out." (Odile adds.)

(You nod. And sigh.) ". . . Thank you."

(Your head hurts. Loop, can you, can you please just deal with this?)

(Of course Stardust~ It might be better since-)

(Because Ramos might still be able to effect me. Yeah. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.)

(You breathe in, and out. And in the future, you can take over in a pinch if needed, ok?)

(Same back to you. stars, even for Mal too. Just in case.)

(Thank you.)

(. . . . .)

[You got the Memory of Switching! When equipped, this will make it easier for you to switch out with your headmates, even durring battle!]

(You pause a second before moving. Isabeau is comfortable, he's got a hand on your head. No need to pull away immediatly.)

(Is now really the time?)

(Hush you. Stardust's gone now, let me have this.)

(You took one more second before getting up and stretching.) "Well! That was quite enlightening~"

"Loop?"

"Yes yes, Stardust decided to go for now, didn't trust themself to act rational."

"Aww. . ." (Isabeau awkwardly rubbed his side.) "I can't imagine how he must be feeling."

"Now where have I heared that before." (Odile adds, going back to her own seat.)

"We miss anything?" (It was Nille, she and Bonnie where walking in.)

"Just checked in on Siffrin." (Odile sighs.) "Unfortunatly, the mind craft stuck."

"Crab" (Nille sat down on the ground.)

"Stupid Crabbing mind crab" (Bonnie stormed over to a chair and sat down.)

"Language."

(You laugh.) "You'll never get Bonbon to stop swearing at this rate."

"Oh I will!" (She replied, rolling her eyes.)

"Nuh uh!" (Bonnie stuck out their tongue.)

"Yuh huh!"

"Nuh uh!!!"

"Yuh huh or you a stupid face."

"YOU'RE a stupid face!"

"Gasp!! Bonnie! How could you! Your own Sister!"

(You fail to hold in your laughter.)

(Why couldn't ever day be this simple.)

[whereserpentswalk]

It’s fascinating that you think trans people’s names come to them like wands in Harry Potter, you can’t just culturally appropriate bc you’re trans

Ok, this is about comments I made like a year ago on a comedy bit. While I stand by my feelings that the bit was bad and transphobic, my reasons why are a lot diffrent.

When I first wrote the comments my arguments were very thermian. I treated the story the comic was telling as if it was real and objective. Which feels right for most people, because stand up comedy is often presented like conversation, where we do treat stories like that as real things. But that's not how comedy works, comedians don't tell stories the way we do in conversation, they're creatives, the stories they tell are basically fictional, the art form might look like real conversations but it's not.

Comedians want to make you laugh, and sometimes want to send a message or make you think about things in a new way, but they have no reason to want to portray events accurately. They might be basing some things off of real experiences, but that's true for everyone, Tolkien might have chosen to explore his experience in world war one in lord of things, that doesn't mean we have to argue about orcs as if they're real entities when we're talking about if those books were racist.

So let's actually look at the skit, and analyze its outlook on trans people keeping in mind its a story that a cis man is telling, and not actual events: So the summery of the skit is that a white trans man comes out to his to his family, and he picked a name you'd expect a black person to have. He has older black relatives (who are implied to fully accept him, which would make him possibly the only trans person on earth with a fully accepting family) who refuse to use this name, and instead call him "the boy". The sketch ends with the comedian saying he should pick a name like Kevin, because even if he's trans he's not interesting (keep your thoughts on that last one).

Now, ignoring how this would play out in real life, what does this as a peice of fiction say about trans people:

First off: it's creating a plausible but unlikely situation where the woke thing to do is to not respect a trans person's identity. A lot of political humor exists to call ideas into question with hypotheticals, and the idea being questioned here is the idea that trans people's identities deserve respect.

Second off: it's creating a situation where a trans person is entitled and arogent for wanting his identity respected. In the fiction this trans person is that. But it's promoting the idea that they are in real life. Transphobes will show you a lot of spooky examples of trans identities that are unreasonable to respect, but that's not useally ever what it's like in real life. (An otherkin robotgirl isn't going to demand you communicate with her through beeps and boops, she probably just wants you not to laugh at her.)

Third off: it's pitting minorities agaisnt eachother. Conservatives love this, but it's super common when people try to convince progressives to a specific group from their advocacy. It shows us a world where trans rights and poc rights are at odds with eachother, in the real world they aren't, in the real world they're part of one larger struggle and diminishing one is diminishing the other. A lot of people do this with different identities, lgb types do it with gayness, terfs do it with womanhood, class reductionists do it with class, trscum do it between trans people. But it doesn't help one oppressed group when you shit on a diffrent oppressed group in their name. It's white conservatives who love it the most when trans people and poc at pit agaisnt eachother, and it's trans poc who suffer the most.

Fourth off: it's feeds into a very old myth amoung queerphobic progressives, which is the idea that queer people are privileged people looking to pose as the marginalized to get special rights. This is a myth we really have to get over, because its been internalized by a lot of people, and we get these hunts for fake minorities. This is why the "you're not interesting" line sticks out to me. Most trans people don't give themselves appropriative names, but trans people as a group constantly get accused of trying to steal other people's struggles. This is a myth that preys on the fact that white skined white colar queer people are more visible, and its one that is based on treating that disparity in visibility as a fact. We have to cut this out, nobody fakes minority status to get privileges because minorities aren't privileged. It's not true for queer people, even the queer people other queer people hate like bi people and ace people. It's not true about mentally ill and ND people, or converts to non Christian religions, or East Asian people, or anyone who gets accused of this. Stop it dearly.

Fifth off: this entire sketch is based in the idea that families can accept their trans kids, but only conditionally, only if they prove themselves to be doing it for the right reasons, and they please their family's whims. This is a transphobic idea, it's a transphobic idea most neolibs hold. Comedy bits are a lot like story books (no shade at either) where a problem is presented at the beginning, and a solution at the end, that the audience is expected to take for their own problems. And the solution here is a form of transphobia, the idea that trans people aren't owned acceptance, they need to earn it. I've seen a lot of trans people tormented by their families over that idea. And when a person of color goes and stage and wraps that idea in racial justice, it's young trans poc who get hurt by it the most.

Sixth off: not a huge point, but I feel like a cis black man, of all cis people, should be the most likely to understand that calling a trans man a boy is dehumanizing and insulting. I guess this goes to show he's not interested in thinking about how trans people's struggles are like his, he stands alongside a lot of marginalized trans people there.

Finally I kind of don't know how to end this. This is long. Really long. I don't know whose going to read this, because its a lot. Hopefully you got a bit of media literacy from reading all of this. Early on in my tumblr career, when I had just moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan, I had read an essay by @wifelinkmtg about a concept called the ditch. The idea was we often argue about media wrong, talking about things in hyper literal cannon obsessed terms, and that was the ditch, the ditch we dig for ourselves when we ignore things like themes and audience experiences. Hopefully this series of words dug less of a ditch than my words did a year ago. Sorry I don't have the actual sketch on hand. Mabye I'm wrong, but if someone wants to prove me wrong I'd rather they do it outside of a ditch. Mabye the ask wasn't even about that post. Mabye I'm tired. Maybe you should be tired too.

Sorry for the long post. Media literacy matters. Black trans lives matter. Goodbye, enjoy your night well.

[scoobydooisadetective]

Tenoch's interview at the Vagos de la Vida Real Podcast

Hi! sorry this took so long, I'm a bit rusty. Sorry for any grammar mistakes too. If you find difficulties understanding anything or if you have any correction, let me know.

Bold is the interviewer, normal is Tenoch and italics are comments made by me (mostly explaining things or when I don’t understand what they’re saying)

We already have some followers here in this radio experimentation laboratory called "Vagos de la vida real", produced by La Universidad Autónoma de San Luis. And to start talking, I'd like to ask you something that has to do with your past, with your dreams, with nostalgia, I think. Let's see what you tell us: What does Ecatepec represent in your life?

Well, it’s the place where I was raised. I grew up on the border, right there, a few blocks away in between Ecatepec and Coacalco, and to me, apart from being the place where I grew up, it’s the place that gave me identity. Between the contrasts of things that I saw at home, what you see on the street, what you see at school, I think that at the end of the day the place where I grew up was very privileged because I was able to understand many dynamics and see many points of view and understand many types of lives and experiences based on the place where I grew up.

Back then, going from Mexico City to Ecatepec or from Ecatepec to the city was the equivalent to a trip outside the city, let’s say, it’s like going to Cuernavaca, to Querétaro, you know? It was literally like going to a city in a different state. The metropolitan area had not swallowed that part of the state of Mexico, so it was… Very particular, because I recall that when I have talked with friends that were raised outside the city, let’s say Jalisco or places like that, we have similar experiences about living “outside” the city, in another state and at the same time, this other identity that’s a lot more urban. In my case, it was formed towards my teenage years as a result of the closeness and “distance” between Ecatepunk (another way of calling Ecatepec that Tenoch uses)  and Mexico City.

That's right. Hey, right now we're going to talk about Ecatepunk, the term was among the questions I had (Tenoch laughs). Do you remember your friends from there?

Yeah, yeah!

What was everyday life like? Tell us about your friends, what did they do? Did they play in the street? Were they naughty nuisances? What was everyday life like when you were in middle school there in Ecatepec? Because you went to middle school in Ecatepec, right?

Yes, they're sons of a gun (the host laughs and I don't get to hear what Tenoch says properly, but he mentions something about being naughty or doing naughty things). Some were worse than others, you know, there's a bit of everything, from really quiet dudes, the majority of them are hard-working people, with their families and so on, but there were always the miscreants (he says malandrillos, idk how to translate it but basically reckless kids, 'bad' guys, etc, just in case this word is weird) and I just so happened to befriend them. I always had the... (Tenoch laughs and doesn’t finish the sentence). I was a very easy going kid, imagine that my first drop of alcohol... Well, I had tasted something, but I drank my first real drink when I was 21, 22 years old. I was finishing college when I had my first drink. Actually, I was really easy going and the majority of my friends were, let's say, a little more adventurous in life than me. And so I was friends with the bad guys and also the guys that were top in class, so I could move in all aspects, let's say, in all the areas that a public middle school could offer. I went to the Moisés Saenz middle school and when I was a little boy, that was the most posh school in the area, but by the time I started middle school there, it was a step before juvenile prison because everyone was a son of a gun, but the truth is I had a great time, it was fun and I still have many friends from middle school.

That's important, yes, yes. Hey, something that comes to mind about what you're talking about is, how did you and your friends saw Mexico City? You already told us it was like a trip to another city, but how did you guys see it? How did you imagine that urban monster that was growing? Did you ever realize that it was going to absorb you? You didn't realize? What was the imagery of those who lived there?

Well, you truly don't realize it. For starters, it was like a mythical place, it was a distant place, the big city. At the end of the day, it is the country's capital, so when you're a young what interests you is, or in my case, were the raves, the rock shows, going to bars and so on, but we didn't have enough money or the age... 14 years old, where the hell were they going to let us in? So that was like the dream of the city, the city, the city and suddenly, it began to become too urbanized there and when I started college... I mean, in high school I already acquired a little clearer awareness of the immensity of the city and the complexity of it. At the end of the day, I lived in a microcosm. When I was a child, there were, I don't know, four or five subdivisions and I lived in one of them. There were five or six villages that ended up being absorbed by the urban sprawl and now are interior villages and everything else was for plots. Then little by little it became urbanized, the city swallowed it up.

When I started my degree in the UNAM was when I really got to experience Mexico City, I was visiting it on a daily basis. I studied in Aragón, but the majority of my activities post-school where in Acatlán, because I played american football with los Pumas de Acatlán and the other part of my activities were in Mexico City, in Channel 22, where I did my social service, in ABC radio that's in the press building by the Hidalgo subway station, where I also did internships and eventually I did some work as a reporter and journalistic notes in the radio, I went on air and read news. Anyway, it was a whole adventure to discover... While I was growing, let's say... It's very funny, because while I was growing, my horizons were growing too. In terms of the city, the 'chilango' identity, that I personally love, I'm not a chilango supremacist, even though I make a lots of jokes about it, but the truth is I'm not. The bottom line is that something beautiful about Mexico City is that people from everywhere live in the city and Mexico City wouldn't be so cool if only us chilangos lived in it, because it's a really, really boring city. All the diversity, the food, the ambiance, the places, the people... I mean 25 millions of souls are 25 millions of different worlds, so there's a bit of everything for everyone and the truth is that I can brag that I have been able to live, well the precise term of the word is cosmopolitan, the cosmopolitan life of Mexico City, because we're a country that measures half of Europe. So, when we talk about cosmopolitanism, just with the inner immigration in the country is already half of Europe, that's how cosmopolitan Mexico City can be. So, truly, I've had a great time. Now I live in chilangolandia, I have become a chilango completely.

Full time

And I enjoy it a lot. Full time, truly. And I enjoy it a lot, I mean, we also have to keep the distances and proportions. I live in a central area of the city, in a middle class area, so obviously services such as transportation and security are greater, so it offers me a much more comfortable life in the city than to other people.

Hey, would you let us go back to your story?

Let's go, let's go. Yes.

In 91', before you went to college, one of the most complicated decades for this country began. In 94' the Zapatista war blows up, they kill Colosio, there's a series of complications that arose and are part of who we are today. I'd like for you to tell us if you remember how did you see it, if you were already in high school... How did you see everything that was happening? Or you didn't see it? It's something I've asked every guest we've had here in Vagos and the answers have been very diverse, from people that never knew, to people who participated, that went to protests. How was your experience with the '90s?

No, I was very... My parents politicized me since I was little. I went to my first march when I was 7 years old, which was the march in '88 ... (I don't understand what the march was for because they speak at the same time but I managed to hear something about something that they did to someone named Cardenas I think). So yeah, actually, I made things uncomfortable in the classroom since middle school, because when they started to talk about history, I'd bring up my facts like 'no, but wait, Porfirio Diaz did this and that' and they were like 'shut up, asshole' or I would go with my friends to chat and I'd start saying things like Mexico is a great nation and they have to respect us and they were like 'shut up, dude'. Eventually, the majority of my classmates ended up working in political parties and the only one who didn't work with political parties was me. It's like those people that tell you 'you're an atheist because you haven't read about religion' and you say 'no, because I've read about religion I'm an atheist', that happened to me. Since I was a kid my dad politicized me and well, yes, we saw all the events that were happening in the country, and well, I didn't only see them and was aware of them, my dad would talk to me about them and well when the... When the zapatista army arrived at Mexico City, I was there in the Zócalo with my family to receive them. I remember I learned a very important lesson there, I was telling my dad 'I think that Mexico isn't a racist country, but rather a classist country' and my dad told me 'go out to the street and yell 'indio' (indio it's used as a derogatory term in Mexico, meaning someone who's ignorant or uncivilized. Even though the original meaning is being descended from indigenous people) at any person and you'll see how it goes'.

That's right.

'If that is not racism, I don't know what is', and I was like 'oh, fuck'. I was around 13 or 14 years old at that time and since then I began to have a lot of awareness. I thank my dad for that, because regardless of the ideological or political positions that one might have, having awareness and being politicized in life allows you to make better conditions-- decisions, sorry.

Yeah, that's right.

I could say that a good part of the decisions I've taken in my career are based a lot on what I read in the newspapers and especially in the international news.

You have been telling us about your father. Would you like to tell us who your father is? About him?

Yeah, well, look, to me, my heroes in life are my parents. My mom and my dad, they're my fucking heroes, the two of them. My mom lost her mom when she was 11 or 12 years old and my dad lost his dad when he was 5 or 6 years old. So, the fact that my mom didn't have a mom and my dad didn't have a dad meant that no one ruined them (they laugh at this joke, and Tenoch adds something else but he's laughing so I can't manage to grasp what he's saying, though he says something about 'bad examples at home').

They both have worked their whole lives. My mom was raised in what was back then the Iztapalapa village, and it was just that, a village. There were only a few streets that had lights. My dad was from the Colonia Obrera, so it’s funny now that I mention it to you, because my dad was from the Colonia Obrera, a very urban area in Mexico City and my mom was from Iztapalapa, a village, a very rural area in Mexico City and the place where I grew up was a mix between the urban and the rural, right? Because there were many lots there, and at the same time there were a lot of subdivisions, Mexico City, well, the state was starting to split.

My dad was a kid that worked since he was 5 years old as a shoemaker assistant and he was a laborer since he was 13 years old. And being a laborer and having 2 or 3 children, I don’t remember if my sister who was born before me had already been borned, but my dad being a laborer and everything ended up in night-time studies at the polytechnic university (not sure if this or trade school is a better translation but I think you can grasp the idea) and he graduated as an engineer and won a scholarship to study in Germany for a year and a half.

Well I never!

Well, yes. Back then, when going to college actually meant social mobility. And my mom was raised by her aunt, she studied a technical career, starts to work and meets my dad, they get married and made the decision that my mom would stay at home taking care of the kids and my dad was going to work, because back then, before people judge without knowing and understanding, and as the wise says ‘there’s no text without context’. The context about the period when my parents were young, the 60-70s, is that one person, with one salary could sustain a family of 6 or 7 members. In our case, we were six: four siblings, including me, my dad and my mom. So, with my dad’s salary as a teacher, because first he was a teacher at a technical school… With my dad being a teacher, he could sustain us, the whole family. And my mom, by her own decision, wanted to stay home, which I thank a lot because without my mom's effort of taking care of us, of being at home, having always the clothes clean for us and warm food, a mommy that would hug us and pamper us, and when we got sick she would send us to school anyway, she didn't give a fuck, but when we got back from it she would receive us with a hot soup and kisses. And my siblings got hit (he says ‘les ponía su chingazo’, I don’t think it means he hit them violently or anything, it’s probably more like a telling off? just putting this here because slang and intentions are hard to translate at times) because they earned them, those fuckers, but without that mommy, we wouldn't had made it. So that's why I say that both of them have given me great examples. My mom, by staying at home, my dad, by going to work and with all that life experience accumulated, from the two of them, their lives, everything they went through since childhood, their loss of mom and dad, well, they raised us... We're four, the four of us went to college, we're professionals, we are good people, so the clear thing is that without my parents, without my mother and without my father we would not be what we are and that is why I will always be eternally grateful to my parents. And I hope that one day I can give that same example and that same support to my two little girls that I adore, these two little girls are my raison d'être (I looked this up, but basically they’re his reason to exist), they are my solid rock. Someone told me “I’m glad your daughter, the eldest in this case, was born, because otherwise you would have gone crazy, she’s your anchor to reality”, then the little one came along also at a very important time in my life and these two brought good luck to me when they were born. The truth is that these two kids are now what my parents showed me we were for them.

Hey, so I have a question. I read in an interview somewhere that you said that in Ecatepec the microphones were turned off and it was not easy to get out of there. Did you realize this in middle school? Or when you went to high school? Or did you rationalize it when you were already in college?

I realized when I was in college, because you know what? When I was in middle school and high school to me it was normal, I was just another kid from the suburbs and that was it. I lived my life, I went to political rallies and things like that with my parents, but beyond that, well, no.

And your classmates? What were their dreams about their future? Or they didn’t dream of the future?

Well, besides having a good life, earning a good salary and having a house, the truth is that I don’t remember us having any other kind of talks about the future. I think that is something that happens when you’re young, which I think is very healthy too. But also, when you live in less fortunate contexts you’re not thinking so much about the future, because you’re worried about the present and how to overcome things.

Here and now.

For the here and now. I think not all of my classmates, but most of us thought about the future in terms of what career we wanted to pursue and things like that, but there was also a significant part of my classmates who didn’t even question such things, they didn’t have the sense of urgency about the future, really. Beyond buying a house and having a good job, there wasn’t any sort of talks or points of views and I think it has to do with age. 

When I started to study my career, when I was accepted at the UNAM in ‘99, just when the 99 strike was happening, the climate was extremely politicized and I appreciate it a lot because it made us question other things. I personally did have the belief that Mexico had to change, that there would have to be a revolution. I thought that at that moment, like a lot of young people and people who came before me, actually, my dad is from the ‘68 generation, several of his classmates lost their lives… Well, they didn’t lose them, they were killed, they died in the movement in ‘68. I did think that the revolution had to be armed, but that didn’t mean that the political fight should be left aside. Anyways, when I started college, I started to understand a lot of things and I realized that college was giving me a lot, a college that was sustained with the taxes of a society, well, it was a college that was giving the less fortunate sons of the revolution… It was giving us a future, right?

Hey, we're running out of time for this segment, we're going to continue talking about this later and I'd like to take this opportunity to tell our listeners, you've heard who's here with us. With studies in communication and journalism at the FES Aragón of the UANAM, from a very young age he dedicated himself to acting and the quality of his work has led him to participate in more than fifty films, more than twelve Mexican, European and North American series. Nominated for the Ariel on five occasions and recognized in one of them as best actor and recognized as best supporting actor in the 54th version of the awards granted by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, in the United States. Author of the book Orgullo Prieto, published in Editorial Grijalbo.

Tenoch huerta, I thank you with all my heart that you have opened a space in your agenda, an agenda that has a lot of work, that has many commitments and yet you still agreed to come and talk with us in this space. I'm going to play a song that closes this segment and I will continue talking with Tenoch Huerta in the next segment.

–

We’re back with Vagos de la Vida Real

We're back here, thank you for continuing with us in this radio experimentation laboratory called Vagos de la Vida Real. I take this opportunity to thank Gabriela Hernandez, our university radio director, who allows and supports this project in its second season. I thank you for your calls to the booth. Thank you for the messages we receive in our social networks, remember we have an Instagram for Vagos de la Vida Real if you want to write to us and there, we’ll say who’s going to be the next guests who will come to this program. Today, we have a top-level guest, Tenoch Huerta. Let’s continue talking with you, Tenoch.

I’d like, because of everything you said about Ecatepunk and all of that, to give a little more context: Ecatepec has always been considered as one of the municipalities with the biggest rate of violence, insecurity and femicides. Meaning, the zone where you grew up was very rough, then you moved to Coacalco and went to college. Something I’d like you to do is take us to the memory of your first day of college. I understand, if you want to tell us about that, that when your high school classmates applied for the exam, you were the only one admitted to college.

Yeah, yes, precisely. In the whole high school, I was the only one, which, now that I say it outloud, instead of speaking well of me, speaks badly of the school.

Indeed.

But well, that’s how it was. I was admitted to college. I took the test because my school wasn’t incorporated to the UNAM, it was rather incorporated to another system, so I had to take the test. I was admitted to journalism and I remember the first day I was very nervous. My first day of class was in extramuros, which was really funny because I felt a lot of affinity for the movement and its postures, from which I had some idea, but when I entered I could soak up much more about what was going on thanks to the flier distribution. The people in the general strike board would do it constantly and well, I started to read and soak up the ideas and overall, what the college was looking for at that moment, that topic seemed more important and attractive to me. I was never part of the strike board because I didn’t feel comfortable. Anyone could enter, right? You just went to the assembly and that was it, you were involved. I remember going to a few of them, and later on I went to another and no, it wasn’t something that moved me, but the things they talked about and the reason we were fighting mattered to me. So, yeah, I truly had a great time, but that first day I was very nervous, it was like the first day in kinder, middle school and high school, all of them together and multiplied for ten. So, that’s how the first day of class in my career felt, but the truth is I had a great time, I made great friends and the majority of my classmates are people that in one way or another, I still keep contact with. 

Also, it was very gratifying that the first college strike in the XXI century was in Mexico, and it also was a victorious one, because a lot of the things we were seeking, regardless of the phobias or philias of each person, well, the college is still public, free, secular and it still is and continues to have the status of the best college in Mexico. So, with all the love and respect that public and autonomous universities throughout the country deserve and also the private ones, well I come from a public school so evidently, my heart beats a bit more to the left. So, school, public education to me… If there’s something you have to bet on… Betting on the future is betting on education, but not education in an abstract way, but rather on a humanist education with a deep social commitment, which, at the end of the day, I ended up absorbing to a greater extent at the UNAM. Once I started having a bigger status in the film industry, I understood that my position is not only to enjoy the success, but also distribute the jar of honey. Start to distribute that jar and most importantly, well, take over the hives so we can start producing honey for everyone, that’s the idea I’ve always had in life, I know it sounds chairo (Chairo is a pejorative word that is used in Mexican politics to discriminate, disqualify or relegate militants or sympathizers of left-wing causes) and it’ll probably scare a lot of good consciences, but what can I say? Without social justice there’s no future.

No, that’s really poetic. That’s how it is, that’s how it is. Hey, something that comes up that I want to imagine, but I want you to tell us, how did a kid that enters college, what, were you like 18 years old?

Yeah

How do you make it coincide? How do you reconcile the college where you were going to study communication, journalism… But also you were already involved in acting for a bit, for a few years, and a while ago you told me you played american football in college. Which one do you want to start telling us about first? Football, acting, what came first?

I played American football since I was 5 years old.

Oh, since you were a kid!

Yeah, since I was 5 years old until I was 21 years old.

Wow!

Here and there I didn’t play two or three seasons for different reasons, but I played. I played every year my season of american football. I played in a lot of teams, the last team I played with was at the UNAM, with the Pumas de Ataclán. After that, I dislocated my shoulder and I couldn’t do anything and my dad… I had taken acting workshops when I was 17 just as a hobby, because I was really happy doing nothing on the couch in my living room, waiting for it to be 11:45 to watch Golden (they both laugh because golden was a channel where they would show adult movies around that hour). No, no, it’s not true. It’s a joke, but if you want to, it’s not a joke.

But it happened at the time, yes.

So, I was really happy doing nothing in life and suddenly, my dad said ‘go and do something with your life’ and he almost dragged me to take those acting workshops. I liked them a lot, but it was just a hobby and when I was in college, as I was telling you, I played my last season, I dislocated my shoulder and my dad told me ‘Why don’t you take the workshops again?’ So I went back to the workshops, a little bit for curiosity and a little bit for having something to do.

Hey, before you tell us about the workshops and acting, what position did you play in american football?

I played as everything, but like my natural position, I figured it out the last 3 or 4 years that I played and it was the defense. For those who don’t know a lot of american football, the front line is the defensive and in that line, in the edges, there’s a pair of players that are the defensive ends and basically and elementally you dedicate to run into the coreback and beat the crap out of him so the dude would see you come and would be scared and wouldn’t be able to play at ease. So, basically, you’re a beater.

And it’s a complex position to play. I also played american football and the line is tough.

It’s tough (Tenoch goes on to mention something about receiving kicks I think, but the host speaks over him and I don’t understand).

And even more here, the american football played in universities is tougher than in the United States, what we see on TV. Here, the hits hurt in a different way.

Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. I played equipped when I was five, imagine it. The atom ant. We looked like little martians with the helmets that would make us lean to the side, but we start to bump into each other since we’re little, you can imagine… (Tenoch adds something but the host talks over him).

Now, tell us about the workshops. You repeated workshops.

Well, since I couldn’t play anymore, I started to take acting workshops and well, more than see these acting workshops as a way of living, I rather took it seriously because I liked it. So I dedicated it all my time and energy to my texts, monologues, to prepare, to give it a spin over and over again, because I truly liked it, I never had aspirations or anything, I simply liked it and it was something I was doing because all my time, energy and abilities were poured into accomplishing the job. Later on, a therapist told me that I’m obsessive and that obsession makes you not be able to let go until it comes out perfectly. It will never be perfect, so you never let it go. So, that obsession or profile made me always try harder. I was bad, I was terrible as an actor, really bad, but since I didn’t give up and I always kept going and I thank american football for that…

The discipline

One time, they blew the skin off one of my fingers while playing, and you could see the bone. I was 10 years old, I went out of the field and told the doctor ‘put a bandage on me’ and he put a gauze on and adhesive tape on my finger and I went back to play, even though they had torn off my skin, because that’s how it is, I don’t understand life in any other way. So they put the gauze and in you go. That’s why I get so angry when I watch soccer players, they tell them ‘good day’ and they tumble around four hundred times and they cry, and throw themselves and drag their feet and cry tears in front of the camera. I say, ‘dude, these people should be acting, they should be in soap operas and not in soccer’. And I know good soccer players who are actors and should be on the field, dude, but oh well.

So, there’s this thing about holding onto pain, not giving in without moving forward, continuing to fight until the referee whistles the end of the match, it’s what took me to eventually go from the worst actor in my workshop to the worst actor on set, but I was a professional! I wasn’t a student anymore, I was a professional actor. A very bad one, but I was there fighting, battling and that leads you to question yourself, and demand yourself and put the ‘this doesn’t end until it ends’ always in front of you, and you can’t take it for granted until it’s perfect, so that’s how I’ve always tried to do my job. I obviously have to measure myself, because there were times when I didn’t sleep or would hurt my body because I overtrained or demanded too much of myself. So, my therapist told me ‘yes, dude, but calm down a bit, it’s not a vow (he says ‘tampoco es manda’ so I guess he’s talking about when people ask a favor from a deity and then they pay it back by sacrificing their physical integrity at times) either’. 

But I think that American football gave me a fighting spirit, a sense of camaraderie, of teamwork, of strategy and of what you can't do… A player on his own is no one in a match, it’s always teamwork. I mean, you’re a team, a group and in that group, there are many individualities, but at the end of the day, they align towards the same objective and it allows you to achieve something. So I think all of that shaped me, not only on a professional level, but also on a personal level and it ended up making me the actor that I am now.

I finished my degree, I worked for a while, and suddenly, they called me to make a movie professionally, beyond those little calls here and there I took because I was simply bored and looking for something to do and earn some money, no, it was in a professional way. Deficit by Gael García Bernal was my first professional film, and although I had already done things before, it was my first professional film for real. And since then I have not worked on anything else, I haven’t earned a living from anything that is not acting. I’ve lived well, I’ve had seasons of skinny cows, fat cows and seasons where there even aren’t cows (cows are used to talk about money, like, época de vacas flacas is equal to lean years. I kept it because otherwise it didn’t make sense and I don’t know if there’s like a proper translation for this saying, but basically he’s saying he has struggled, has seen a lot of money and sometimes nothing at all). But I keep going, and overall, I think it has allowed me to find myself, to question a lot of things about life that eventually make us grow and now gives me the chance to offer a life, the best life I can, to my daughters. Someone told me something very nice recently: our ceilings will always be the floors of our children, so I want to elevate my ceilings a lot, so my daughters can have firm, solid floors, but they’ll have to build their own buildings. I’m not building anything for these damn kids! (He laughs).

Hey, let’s see if you allow me to go back to Ecatepec but in another sense. I read somewhere, in some interview you gave about the movie where you star as a cop and before you starred in it, you went to enroll in the police academy in Ecatepec, but without saying you were an actor. Tell us about that, because at the end of the day you returned to your land in some way.

Well, yeah, when we were preparing the movie, by the way, I had the script like a year and a half before, well, when the time to prepare the character arrived the director… I wasn’t giving what it needed. Actually, when I finished reading the script, I was about to tell the director that I couldn’t do that, that he needed an actor with more life experience, meaning, an older actor or with more training, because I had only taken workshops, I didn’t study acting as a career. So I was about to quit when he sent me the script and I read it, I was going to see him to tell him “you know what, dude? This story deserves someone who’s more prepared than me or has more life experience’ and when I arrived, he tells me ‘before you tell me anything, before you even speak, I would like to tell you that there’s no other actor in Mexico that can do this, only you. Now, what did you want to tell me?’ and I was like ‘When do we start, dude?’ 

So, the truth is I wasn’t enough, so the director suggested… And at the end of the day it was an agreement, but he said ‘dude, what if you take a few trips to the police academy?’ So I went to the police academy in Mexico City and they told me that no. I said well, I’m going to sign up as a cadet, and they told me that I couldn’t do that either because, I think I can say it openly, I don’t have a military service card, so I couldn’t sign up. And I was like ‘damn it’ and then, my mom knew people in the municipality of Coacalco, from Ecatepunk, and my mom told me ‘go there, they’ll receive you’, so right there my mom did production work, that’s how cool my mom is. So I arrived at the academy and the production intervened, obviously, and the agreements that had to be signed were signed, because I was going to train as a police officer, but since I wasn’t going to sign up, because if I did sign up, like with paperwork and so on, well, after I finished the training I would have had to serve in the police for at least six months. So, we reached an agreement with both the academy authorities and the municipal authorities, which was that I would train there an in exchange, we were going to talk about what was happening, which meant the process, about the Ecatepec police, to whom, to be honest, despite everything, at least what I could see is that a lot of the people that are in the police academy and in the Ecatepec police are people that wants to do things right, good people, honest people. At least that’s what I discovered from my experience. Obviously, every person might have a different one, but I met really good people, with good intentions and well, I graduated. I was going everyday, I was treated just like any other cadet.

In fact, no one knew I was an actor, except for the directors. Only the two of them knew that I was an actor, and well, obviously the municipal president, but apart from them no one else knew. And well, I finished my cadet training and thanks to all that experience I was able to play a role that ended up winning an Ariel and we also were part of the official selection of the Cannes Film Festival, we were in the main competition and we had a great chance of winning, but that was the year when everything happened with Florence Cassez (Not sure if I picked up the name right, but if it’s the right person, she is “a French woman convicted in Mexico of belonging to the kidnapping gang Los Zodíacos (The Zodiacs). She received a 60-year sentence for the crimes of kidnapping, organized crime, and illegal possession of firearms”.). And so there was a lot of…

The camera lens was turned the other way

Yes. I don’t want to say that that’s why… I don’t want to say that that’s why we didn’t win the Cannes Film Festival, but it did have an influence because there was a lot of general animosity towards us.

Tenoch Huerta, we reach the end of the program, the end of this episode. I want you to briefly answer me this last question. That little boy that wore his american football uniform, that little boy that went to college, where you explained that it was like arriving to kinder but 10 times worse, the one that started acting and has conquered international stages, how does he see the future? Where is Tenoch Huerta headed now?

I think that everytime I’m… It’s funny because I think that while my path goes further inward, the further inward I go, ironically, my career is taking me further outward, it’s taking me further in geographical terms, obviously in work terms too, but also in emotional terms. It’s taking me inwards, towards my heart, towards my spirit, towards my mind, towards love. The love I have at home, the love I have from my daughters, even the love from my puppies that were just barking, you know? I think that the further inwards I go, the more the world expands. It’s very funny, they say that universals become universal because they talk about the local, so I think that universalizing ourselves implies, or its first condition is being really honest with an introspective look to see the more human, because in the most intimate and in the most human, it's what we all connect on.

Tenoch, I wish you to continue winning on stages, to continue receiving interesting projects, to continue growing. I thank you for accompanying us until the end of this episode and I ask you to recommend a song to close.

Goodness! There’s a song that was considered the best song of the year and probably of the time, of the decade, it’s called “Oye Mujer” by Raymix. By the way, this dude, if I’m remembering it right, worked in a NASA project, experimenting with sounds and so on, so this dude takes part of the sounds he used the most, he’s an engineer, so he uses his knowledge to design this song that to me seems so beautiful, it’s one of my favorite songs because it’s so pretty and it gives me so much peace and it makes me… It’s funny because he uses sounds from NASA and truly, if you hear it, this song does take you to the stars, no matter how cliché of a romantic gentleman that might sound.

I thank you again, I send you a hug. And I’ll wait for you (the listener) in the next episode.

***

To be honest, I'm a bit dissapointed he didn't speak about future projects, but I understand he might not be able to or doesn't want to just yet. It was fun to know more things about his background, though. It's good to hear him again ❤️‍🩹

(Also he said PUPPIES as in more than one?? I'm DECEASED)

@teeunderscorebee @artintel001 @cutelatinagirl @observers-journal @talokanda-forever @cantstayawaycani @too-many-atoms @neoboha @aolechan @chaoticcatbunny

(sorry if I didn't tag you, as I said I'm rusty and can't remember more usernames rn lol or you speak spanish so this isn't useful to you <3)

[something-tofightfor]

On Deck Part 4: Starting Line-Up

Pairing: Jack Daniels x Female Reader Baseball AU

Word Count: 10,185

Rating: M - language, some mentions of past sexual situations, pining (but is it mutual?)

Summary: In the days following Jack's first visit to your place, you're forced to think through just about every possible future scenario. And when he makes an offer you're not expecting, you start to believe that there might be just a little more to it than sex for him.

Author’s notes: 

I absolutely love this chapter. If you skip ahead to the end, there's a picture included to describe the type of view Reader has. I know not everyone is familiar with baseball stadiums and the opportunities they offer for seating, but I also don't want to ruin it too early.

This chapter ALSO features Jack wearing the uniform in this artwork - and is the entire reason this AU was started.

(On Deck universe masterlist for all the extras!)

While there are a lot of baseball references within this story, you only need to know the basics to enjoy it and understand what's going on - we're not getting overly technical here.

As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out.

The starting line-up is the official list of players who participate from the beginning of the game onward. This may change throughout the season, as players leave due to or return from an injury. Starters are usually the team's best players at their respective positions, and as a result, being a starter often comes with notoriety A spot in the starting line-up is hard-earned. 

You didn’t hear from Jack the following day, but you didn’t expect to. 

Not because you thought he’d used you, but because you knew how busy he’d be between driving to meet with the team in Louisville and then heading back to The Cavalry and playing in that night’s game. 

All day, though, you thought about him - and about the previous day… and night.

Your experience with Jack was different than those you’d read about online, or heard about at games. He’d treated you as an equal, giving you a legitimate explanation as to why he did and didn’t do or want certain things in bed. He hadn’t flaunted his status or reputation throughout the night, and his interaction with the girl at the ice cream parlor proved that Jack was focused on giving kids a good experience when they met him no matter where he was. It’s not just when he’s in uniform. 

You opted to work instead of taking the day off like you’d planned, and he was on your mind as you did so. The memory of his voice rasping in your ear and the feeling of his mouth on your bare skin sent shivers through you while you were poring over spreadsheets and drafting emails, and it made the day go much faster. By the time you were done for the night, you were almost vibrating, the truth of what had happened settling in. 

You’d slept with Jack Daniels. 

You’d met him for something he’d clarified wasn’t a date, and invited him back to your place without a second thought. He’d been nothing but kind to you, and you hadn’t felt that he thought less of you for being so forward. There was a small part of you that wondered if he thought you were easy. But he’s known for being a flirt. He’s been with a lot of people throughout his career, and … 

There was no way to know for sure what was going to happen until you heard from Jack again. You’d need to see how he acted the next time you spoke before you could assume anything - though with Jack, you figured it wasn’t safe to assume at all. 

You wanted to tell Erin what had happened. You wanted her to know everything, because in reality, it was thanks to Caleb that you were even in the position to meet Jack in the first place. But it felt wrong to talk about the not-date, and even more wrong to kiss and tell… so you held off.

And when you woke up on Tuesday morning to a text message from Jack, you were glad that you’d kept quiet. 

Check my Instagram. 

Before even sitting up, you did, groaning at the sight of his newest picture - a promotional shot for that weekend’s games, featuring a close up of his nickname on the back of a bright yellow jersey, the tip of his black bat’s barrel visible where it rested on his shoulder.

When do I get to see the whole thing? 

You double tapped the picture after replying, and didn’t expect a response. But Jack started typing back immediately, his message a completely unexpected one. 

Friday, if you come to the game. 

“Is that an invitation?” Blinking at your phone, you chewed on your lower lip. It seemed like it. It seemed like Jack was making good on his promise that you’d see each other again because he wanted to. But this time, it wasn’t to meet for ice cream. Instead, it was a personal invitation to his first game back with The Statesman. 

This weekend has been sold out for weeks, Jack. I’ll need to find a ticket, but I’ll see what I can do. 

You didn’t have a chance to open a search for tickets before your phone was ringing, Jack’s name on the screen. What the fuck? Why is he calling me? Taking a few seconds to compose yourself, you took a deep breath before answering. “Hello?” 

“‘Morning, sunshine.” He laughed and then scoffed. “That was real cheesy, right?”

“A little.” But you were laughing, too. “You’re up early.” 

“Have to stay on schedule during the season.” He paused and cleared his throat. “And I’ve got some packing to do before I come back to Louisville.” So he’s cleared. “I’ll be back for Friday night for sure.” 

“That’s great, Jack.” You rubbed at your eye with one hand. “Bet you’re happy.”

“I am. I miss my bed.” You didn’t know how to answer him, but he spoke again before the silence stretched for too long. “And about a ticket … I can get you in on Friday.” What? “Actually…” He trailed off, and a few seconds later, Jack sighed. “Do you think your friend and her brother would want to come with you?”

“I can see. I’m not sure. It’s a Friday night, so she’s probably going to be with her boyfriend, but -”

“Invite him too.” Jack said your name. “Give me a couple hours, and I’ll let you know for sure, but four of you shouldn’t be a problem.” 

“You don’t have to do that, Jack.” Sitting up straight, you held your phone tightly with one hand. “It’s -”

“I know.” You could tell that he was smiling, and when Jack spoke again, you heard the laughter in his voice. “I want to.” You didn’t argue, lifting your free hand and biting down on one knuckle. I want you to, too. “I know you’ve gotta work today, but can I call you back later? I need to make sure I’ve got tickets, and -”

“Of course. I’ve got a meeting at 11:30, but aside from that, I’ll be able to answer all day.” 

You hung up soon after that, Jack telling you to have a good morning and you repeating the same back to him. But you didn’t get out of bed right away, instead lowering your phone and staring at the ceiling in shock. What the fuck did I get myself into? 

— 

He called back a little after 1 PM, his cheerful voice loud in your ear. “Tickets are yours. All you’ll have to do is go to Will Call and give ‘em your name and they’ll be able to help you.” 

“Four of them?” He confirmed. “Thank you, Jack. I wasn’t… I didn’t think you’d…” 

“Well I did. And you’re welcome. I hardly ever ask for anything, and the ticket lady the players talk to loves me, so this was easy.” But the confirmation that you had tickets raised an issue for you - and it required you to explain it to Jack. 

“Erin’s going to ask how I got them.” Leaning back in your chair, you stared up at the ceiling. “And I don’t want to lie to her.” 

“So don’t.” His tone was matter of fact, Jack’s next words shocking you. “Tell her I got them for you.” But that will bring up what happened the other day. “Didn’t you tell her you were goin’ out with me last weekend?”

“No. I didn’t tell anyone.” He was silent in response, which surprised you a little. Why is that a shock to him? Did he really think I’d tell people? “That’s not my style, Jack.” 

“I appreciate that, darlin’.” It made you smile again, especially with the way his voice dropped as he spoke the word. “But you tell her whatever you need to. You don’t need to keep me a secret.” 

“I don’t think I need to tell her everything to offer her tickets to a game, but I’ll keep that in mind.” He laughed at you, the sound turning into a groan - and you savored the sound of it, biting your lip before you continued. “I’ll let you know for sure after I talk to her, but I’ll definitely be there on Friday even if they’re not.” 

“Good. That’s real good.” Jack cleared his throat. “I’m gettin’ ready to go to the stadium now, so if I don’t answer, that’s why.” He doesn’t need to explain himself to me. I don’t… why is he doing this? “Talk to you soon?”

“Sure.” Your smile widened, and when the two of you hung up a few seconds later, you tossed your phone down onto your desk. Shit. 

Things were escalating quickly, thanks to Jack taking the initiative - and it stunned you. He hadn’t mentioned seeing you again, though, which gave you pause. But he’s going to be busy before Friday, and then he’s got games all weekend, so there might not be time. Maybe that’s why he didn’t suggest it.

A quick check of the schedule told you that the team was leaving for a short road trip on Sunday afternoon, which meant that he’d be on the go almost immediately. So it makes sense. I’ll just see him from the seats. 

It was somewhat disappointing, there was no way around it. But the fact that he’d invited you in the first place cheered you up enough that you reached for your phone again, opening your messages with Erin. 

Hey, got something to ask you. Call me when you’re done with work? 

— 

Her phone call came just after 5 that day, Erin’s greeting friendly but curious before she jumped right in. “You usually don’t ask to ask me things. Why today?” 

“What are you doing Friday?” Tilting your head back, you closed your eyes and enjoyed the heat of the sun on your face. “Friday night, I mean. After work?” 

“Troy and I were going to go to dinner, but that’s about it.” Perfect. “Why? What are you doing on Friday?” 

“Do you want to go to the Statesman game?” You paused, opening your eyes and looking out at your yard. “You and Troy and Caleb?” She was quiet for a few seconds and you were too, waiting. “I’ve got four tickets, and -”

“Isn’t it Players Weekend? I thought it was sold out. Caleb’s been talking about it for like a month.” 

“It is. And yeah, it’s sold out. But I was offered tickets. Free tickets.” 

“From where?” There it is. “Did they reach out because they saw your post about Caleb and Jack?” You thought of Jack’s words - of him telling you to tell Erin, of his assurances that it was alright for you to talk about knowing him. I’m still not going to tell her everything, but … 

“No. It wasn’t the team, Erin. It was Jack.” You heard her intake of breath, but before she could say anything, you continued. “He messaged me after he saw it the other day, and we ended up going out on Sunday night for -”

“You what?!” She screeched the words in your ear and then laughed. “Shut the fuck up.” 

“We went and got ice cream. He was up here to work out with the team and to take pictures for next weekend, and had no plans, so…” 

“So you went out with him. Fuck me, that’s wild. I told you making that post was worth it. So you went out on a date and then he offered you tickets for another game? Why four? Why not just -”

“I’m not sure.” Standing, you stepped out onto the grass, the blades of it cool against your feet. “But he called me this morning and suggested it. He specifically mentioned you and Caleb, but I have no idea where the tickets are, so I can’t promise anything.” 

“He called you? He must like you.” She laughed, the sound turning into a hum. “What else happened Sunday aside from the ice cream?” She was teasing you - and there was no concrete reason for you to answer her, but you did anyway. 

“He came back here for a little while.” Curling your toes, you let out a long sigh. “He didn’t stay the night, though. So -”

“Good for you.” She said your name, waiting until you were quiet to say anything else. “And now he’s offering you tickets. You definitely made an impression.” Your mind wandered back to the time you’d spent with him - to the way his mouth felt as it met yours and the way his hands skated over your skin as they explored your body. He definitely left an impression on me. “I don’t think we should tell Caleb where the tickets are coming from, because he’ll never let you hear the end of it.” She hummed, the woman clearly thinking on her end of the line. “But we’ll go on Friday. It sounds fun.”

“We can take one car. I’ll pick you up.” Walking back to your patio, you paused at the edge of it. “And … Erin? Maybe don’t tell Troy either. Jack said that I could tell you that they’re from him, but I don’t … I don’t know what’s going on, so -”

“My lips are sealed.” She laughed again. “I do have one question, though.” I can already tell this is going to be a doozy. “What’s he like? He handsy? Does he talk a lot? How does he kiss?”

“He’s … thorough.” Your cheeks heated as you spoke, your fingers curling around your phone. Very thorough. “And I would very much like to kiss him again.” A lot. Erin snorted at your reply, muttering the words I knew it under her breath. “He’s nice, Erin. Confident and a little cocky, but not insufferable about it. A little girl interrupted us while we were eating, and he didn’t get mad. He took a couple minutes to talk to her about baseball, and it was just …a relief, I guess? I don’t know. I’m glad he’s not an asshole.” 

“I am too. That would be really disappointing.” It would. “But I’m going to drive home now. Work kicked my ass today, and I need to eat.” She let you know that she’d get ahold of you after she talked to Troy and Caleb, and then you hung up, deciding to go back inside so that you could start dinner, too. 

While you cooked, you sent a message to Jack, giving him an update. You kept it simple, giving yourself no time to overthink your words. 

Erin’s in. Looks like it’ll be all four of us Friday. 

You figured he wouldn’t reply, but your phone vibrated a few minutes later with his answer. 

Real happy to hear that. It’s gonna be a good game. 

You thought that was it, but moments later another message came through - and there was a picture attached to it. Second to last time I’m putting on this uniform.

It was slightly blurry and off-center, but it was of Jack. He was dressed in his uniform and missing his hat, the grin on his face wide. You looked closer, seeing that he was standing in front of his locker, and realized that he’d likely taken the photo only moments before sending it. That means it was for me, and… “Shit.” 

If he’d sent you a photo, that meant he was probably waiting for a reply. You didn’t keep him waiting, sending back a winking emoji along with the text: Looking good, Jack - DAMN. But I think I prefer your other uniform. 

It was just flirty enough to let him know you appreciated it, and not over the top the point he’d think you were being clingy. But after a few minutes, you saw that the message had been delivered - and unread … which meant he’d see it after the game. And that means I have a few hours to relax. 

But you didn’t relax. Instead, you ate dinner on the couch and tried not to think too hard about the Friday night game. 

— 

You were a few minutes early to Erin’s on Friday, and Caleb was already waiting in the front yard when you pulled up. 

You heard him yelling for Erin and Troy, even with the windows shut. By the time he was reaching for the door handle, you were laughing, head tilted down and one palm flat against your forehead. “Hey, Caleb. Let me guess… you’re excited.” 

“Of course I am.” He settled into the back seat, buckling in. “Aren’t you? Won’t be as cool as what happened the last game, but my mom gave me money to buy a new jersey.” Well, for me, it’s even more cool, but you don’t know that.

“Oh yeah?” You caught his eye in the rearview mirror, grinning. “Whose are you gonna get?” The look on his face was answer enough, just like you’d assumed. “Jack, then. Hopefully they have one in your size.” 

Erin and Troy approached the car, the woman letting him pass her so that he could sit in the back with Caleb while she took her place next to you. But it was him that spoke first, greeting you and reaching forward to squeeze your shoulder before he was fully situated. “Thank you for driving. And thanks for the tickets.” 

“Yeah, thank you!” Caleb joined in, nodding enthusiastically. “Mom also said we’re supposed to -”

“My mother,” Erin interjected, reaching for the volume knob to twist the radio’s sound lower. “She said we’re supposed to buy you dinner tonight, as a thank you.” 

“It’s not necessary.” Heading down the street, you shrugged. “It’s not like I paid for these tickets, so if we split parking, it’s even.” 

“Still.” She elbowed you. “We’re going to buy you dinner and maybe a drink or two.” I might need those.

The four of you made small talk on the drive downtown, though the closer you got to the stadium, the quieter you got while they kept things going. Why am I nervous? It’s not like I’m going to run into him. 

But there was a chance you’d see him, and that Jack would see you. It seemed inevitable that Caleb would want to go back down closer to the field in an attempt to meet the man a second time. And if that happened, you couldn’t just hang back with Erin, letting Troy sit with the boy. No. I’d have to go, otherwise it looks like I’m avoiding him after he did something nice for us today. 

You were early enough that there was still available parking in the attached garage, and before you could do anything about it, Troy stuck his hand out the window, debit card held firmly between his fingers. 

Erin laughed about it as you pulled away to park, but all you managed was a tiny smile and quiet thank you before slipping into a space. Here goes nothing. 

The four of you joined the slow trickle of other fans heading toward the elevators. After getting on, Caleb inserted himself between Erin and Troy while you leaned against the far wall, chewing on your lower lip. 

“We have to go to Will Call first.” You looked at the preteen, raising a brow. “We can’t just run to get in line like last time.” 

He grumbled back that he knew, and you laughed, your mood lightening considerably. And as your group exited the elevator and turned toward where the ticketing windows were, you stayed that way. Troy offered to wait with Caleb so you weren’t all crowding the line, and you agreed, thankful for a few minutes of time alone with your friend. 

“He’s going to want to go and meet the players.” She spoke quietly, leaning closer to you. “What happens when you see -”

“Nothing.” You shrugged, taking a breath. “Or, nothing weird, I hope. He seems like the kind of guy that wouldn’t make a big deal of what happened.” 

“What about you?” You stepped forward, only a few people between you and the windows. “Can you be cool about it?”

“I’d hope so.” You looked over at her, grinning. “It wasn’t awkward when he left, so I think I did pretty well there.” She didn’t say anything else until it was your turn, Erin stepping forward with you and waiting to see what you’d say. “Hi. I’m supposed to have some tickets waiting for me. I think I’m on a list?” 

The man behind the glass nodded. “I’ll need to see your ID.” Reaching into your bag, you pulled your wallet out and then handed the thin card over, sliding it through the opening. He took it and started typing, his eyes on the computer screen in front of him. “Oh.” He hummed, tipping his head to the side, and then reached for the phone beside the device. “Hey, we need to send someone from SL down to ticketing to pick up a group.” 

You glanced over at Erin, confused, but her expression was the same as yours. SL? What’s that? Turning your head, you looked over at Caleb and Troy, the little boy seated on a stone wall while he looked up to talk to the man. Why do we need to be picked up? The sound of your name got your attention, and you looked back at the window, sucking in a breath. “Yeah? Sorry. I -”

“If you and your group will step off to the side by the door,” he pointed, still smiling. “Someone will be down in a few minutes to escort you in.” He slid your ID back to you. “Have a good night.” You thanked him, somewhat dazed, and turned toward the door, Erin close behind you. 

“We didn’t get tickets? What happens now? What did -” 

“Fuck if I know, Erin. I have no idea what’s going on.” She waved her brother and fiance over, the two of them meeting you moments later. 

“What’s going on? Where are the tickets?” Troy looked between you, frowning. “Do we need to -”

“Someone’s coming to get us.” You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your shorts. “I know nothing else.” Jack had seemed certain that he had tickets available for you, so you weren’t worried about getting into the stadium, but as to whatever else happened, you were clueless. Maybe it’s one of the lower sections. Maybe it’s the club section and we need wristbands or something. 

No one had anything else to say, and by the time the door opened a minute or so later, you were even more confused. But the woman - who introduced herself as Mary - put you at ease. “Welcome to Players Weekend.” She opened the door fully, greeting you by name. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to your seats for the game.” Sneaking a look at your friends after you thanked her, you caught Erin’s eye, the woman’s gleaming with intrigue. “It’s a little busy tonight, so make sure you stay close.” 

You did - following Mary as she led you down a short hallway and then through another set of doors and onto the lower concourse. You felt better one you were inside with the crowd, the thought that since you were in the stadium, that was all that mattered crossing your mind. 

But your thoughts blanked as she led the four of you toward a third set of doors and used a badge hanging from her belt to unlock them. “Where are we going?” Caleb broke the silence, the boy pushing forward to stand next to you. “I’ve never been in here before.” 

“This is the entrance to the dugout suites.” Mary looked down at him, her smile gentle. “Not many people have been in them before.” The dugout suites? Freezing at her words, your mouth dropped open. Jack, what did you do? “Come on. Yours is one of the cozier ones, but it’s one of my personal favorites.” A fucking suite? 

You walked down another hallway, the space curving to follow the shape of the stadium, and you realized that you were heading toward the Statesman’s dugout. Your head whipped to the side and you saw that Troy had put that together, too, his eyes wide and his grin threatening to split his face. “A suite? Right by where the players are?” Caleb was next to Mary, the boy’s voice loud. “Why are we -” 

“I don’t know.” She stopped in front of a door that had the words CHAMPAGNE LOUNGE engraved onto a golden plaque next to the team’s logo before reaching for the keycard again “But I do know that you’re going to have an amazing time.” She swiped the card and the light turned green. “Go ahead. Open the door.” Caleb looked back at you and you nodded, lips pressed together in a thin line. 

He opened the door and cautiously peeked inside, but as soon as he saw something, he darted in, leaving the rest of you standing in the hallway. Erin called after him, rushing forward and following him inside, but Mary only laughed, pushing the door all the way open and gesturing for you to follow. 

“The view is incredible, I don’t blame him for being excited.” 

She wasn’t lying. The entire back wall of the suite was windows so that the field stretched out in front of you, a cluster of seats on a small porch visible through the tinted glass. Caleb was busy pulling the door open to get to where they were, but you stopped just inside of the room, shaking your head. “This is too much, I just …” 

“My advice?” Mary looked at you, raising her eyebrow. “Enjoy it.” I will, but… “This is the Champagne Lounge.” 

“As in the team owner?” Troy stepped forward, arms crossed. “That Champagne?”

“Yes.” Mary nodded, giving you a wink. “He chose the decor, so that’s not on us, but …” You really looked around for the first time and had to bite back a laugh at the way it was decorated. I mean it makes sense, but … 

Everything was rustic and warm, the countertops and table surfaces made from gleaming wood. The floor looked a little rougher and worn, and you saw a few small area rugs scattered throughout the space, which made it more inviting. “You have a full menu available to you.” She moved toward the counter, picking up a small binder. “There are snacks and drinks along the back wall,” she pointed with one hand, flipping the pages open. “Left fridge is water and soda. The other is filled with beer, and there are a couple bottles of the Statesman/Whiskey collaboration for you to use.” He shield the binder up. “But if you want other kinds of mixed drinks, they’re all in here and you can order them to be delivered. Same with the food options.”

“How much -”

“Everything is complimentary.” Her smile was soft. “You’ll have an attendant that will come and check on you once I’ve let them know you’re in here, and they’ll be available whenever you need them through the tablet on the counter. But anything in this menu is fair game.” 

It made your head spin. You’d assumed that you’d have tickets somewhere decent - maybe in the lower level - but hadn’t ever even dreamed that Jack would get you a suite, much less Champ’s suite. 

“There’s also something for you in that box over there.” Mary gestured toward a white, rectangular box that was sitting on a small side table. What the hell is that? “There’s a bathroom back here,” she pointed at the side wall, and then put her hand on her hip. “The door does lock if you go out into the hallway, so once all of you leave the suite, you can’t get back in.” 

“Ok.” You nodded, blinking slowly. “It’s taking me a little while to catch up. This is … I wasn’t expecting these seats, and …” She laughed, asking if there was anything else you needed, and when you said no, she turned away and headed for the door, letting you know that someone else would be in a few minutes later. 

And once she was gone, you finally exhaled, covering your face with both hands. “You must have done something right. This is fucking insane!” Erin put her hands on your shoulders, saying your name. “How did -”

“I don’t know.” Biting your lip, you shook your head rapidly. “I have no fucking idea, this is …” 

“Are you guys coming out here?” Caleb poked his head in, his eyes bulging. “You can see the whole place. We’re right next to the dugout. I can see the steps where the players walk out onto the field!” Troy took a few steps forward and Erin followed, looking back at you. 

“Give me a second.” You could tell she was worried, but she still went, leaving you alone in the interior of the suite. After spinning slowly around to take everything in, you reached for your phone, fingers shaking as you opened your text with Jack. The last message was from him, sent hours earlier - and telling you to enjoy the game. 

You didn’t know what to think. You wanted to let him know you were grateful, but didn’t trust your voice not to waver in a voice message. So you settled for raising the device and taking a selfie, the suite and field visible behind you. 

This is too much, Jack. But thank you. I don’t even know what else to say. 

He was likely getting ready in the locker room - and you didn’t know if he’d even see the message before taking the field. But he’ll see it later. And he’ll see what time I sent it. You were just getting ready to put your phone away and join your friends when a message popped up on the screen. 

You’re welcome. But where’s your jersey? 

“What jersey?” You hadn’t ever told him that you owned one, but when your eyes flicked over to the white box again, your stomach dropped. He didn’t. Leaving your phone on the counter, you approached the box, dimly aware of the sounds of your friends talking through the open door. Using both hands, you lifted the lid, swearing as the contents came into view. “Jesus, Jack. What the fuck.” 

There was a note sitting atop the bright yellow fabric, and with unsteady hands you reached for it, heart pounding while you read the words. 

(Note text: Couldn’t start the game dirty. Thought you might want this though. JD)

You lifted it out of the box, holding it up in front of you. Immediately, your eyes were drawn to a black smudge on one shoulder, and you laughed as you realized what it was from. He’s worn this. 

It was the jersey he’d worn in the promo shots, and the smudge was from the bat where it had rested on his shoulder. And I get to keep it? 

Before you could second guess yourself, you pulled the jersey on over the clothing you wore, leaving it unbuttoned. Shivering at the thought that the last person to have worn it was him, you leaned back over and grabbed your phone before heading outside. 

Erin’s eyes widened at the sight of you, and Troy also looked surprised, but after a swift shake of the head from your friend, he stayed quiet. Please do. I don’t want to talk about this right now. 

Caleb was standing on one of the seats, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the ledge in front of him. Instead of saying anything to your friends, you focused on him, calling out his name. “We got a pretty good view, hmm?”

“Yeah. The on deck circle is right there. Theres a net in the way, but it doesn’t matter. We’ll get to watch everyone while they wait to hit.” What? You crossed the small space and stood next to him, also resting your elbows on the ledge. “Do you think I can take pictures of the batters?”

“I don’t see why not.” You eyed the ground in front of you, the Statesman logo almost mocking you. It’s so close. He’s going to be right there before he bats. “Just make sure the flash is off. I feel like it would be pretty distracting otherwise.” He agreed with you, nodding. 

“Hey, take a picture of us.” Erin leaned forward, holding her phone out. “We’ll send it to my mom.” You did as she asked, taking a few of the three of them standing in front of the netting. It was only then that Caleb saw what you were wearing, the boy asking you question after question that you answered with partial truths. 

You didn’t want to lie to him, but knew Erin was right; telling Caleb that you and Jack were in contact wasn’t a good idea. Not yet. Not until I know more about what this is. But seeing your jersey brought up the fact that if you couldn’t get back into the suite after leaving, there was no way for Caleb to get his. 

He was disappointed until the suite attendant appeared a few minutes later to take your food order - and then asked if there was anything else she could do for you. “Is there any way he could go and buy a jersey? We didn’t know we’d be in a suite, so we didn’t stop on the way, and he’s -”

“Of course.” She looked down at Caleb, grinning. “I can take you, or one of the adults here can come with us.” She pointed. “There’s a team shop right above where we are.”

‘I’ll go with you, buddy.” Troy stepped forward, reaching out to ruffle Caleb’s hair. “Might want to get one of my own.” He looked over at you and winked, and it took everything in you not to groan. Smooth, Troy. 

They left you and Erin moments later, and as soon as the door shut behind them, she whirled to face you, her eyes wide. 

“We’re in the owner’s suite. He gave you the fucking jersey he wore to do promo shots for this weekend.” She scoffed, raising her voice. “Fuck, that’s probably the first Statesman uniform he’s had on since he got hurt, and now it’s yours.” She paused, gesturing toward the field. “You must have been amazing in bed, because -”

“Erin.” Holding both hands up, you shook your head. “I’m just as confused as you are. He said he wanted to see me again, but when he asked about tickets for this weekend, he didn’t mention anything after, just… this.” You used one hand to indicate the suite you were in. “And by this I mean tickets. I had no idea it was going to be a suite. It’s too much.” 

“Maybe he’s hoping for a really nice ‘thank you’ blowj-”

“I don’t think so.” You cut her off, sinking into one of the chairs and crossing your arms. “I asked if I could the other night, and he said no, because we didn’t know each other well enough. And I don’t think that’s changed.” 

You didn’t want to admit that the same thought had crossed your mind - that Jack was being so generous because he expected something in return. But he didn’t hesitate to ask for things in bed. If it happens again, he’d just tell me what he wanted so that I could either say yes or no. 

“You’re joking.” She sat next to you, crossing her legs and leaning closer. I’m not. “Did … did you even have sex? Because if you didn’t, and he’s doing this? Then -”

“We did.” It was a relief to admit it, even though you hated the idea of spreading personal details. “And it was good, Erin. Like, really fucking good. But there’s no way it was this good, especially for him. You’ve seen the same things online that I have about him. No one’s ever … people would talk about him doing this for them. And no one has.”

“So maybe they lied.” She shrugged. “Maybe they said he wasn’t attentive or interested in more than one night because it was their way of dealing with the fact that he never called them again.” She bit her lip. “Maybe it was them wanting to get the last word in and make it harder for him to do the same in the future.” She reached out, taking your hand and squeezing it. “And maybe the ones that he did this stuff for, if he has in the past? Maybe they respected him enough to keep it quiet.” 

She’s probably right. You swallowed hard, turning your head to look through the netting and at the field. For everyone that had said something negative about their experience with Jack online, there had to be others with good experiences that had kept their mouths shut. And I’m one of those. “What would I do without you?” Squeezing her hand before you let go, you stood again and went back inside of the suite, Erin following closely. “Want a drink? We can open these bottles of Statesman, according to Mary.” 

She did - and by the time Caleb, Troy and the attendant came back a little while later, the two of you were laughing over your drinks, a few of the bags of snacks open on the table between you. Both guys had bought jerseys - Caleb’s was a smaller version of yours, while Troy was wearing one of the Statesman home blues, Jack’s last name and number on the back. 

The food arrived shortly after, and once each of you had made a plate, you headed back outside to sit in the seats and watch the on-field activity, Caleb narrating around mouthfuls of chicken tenders and french fries. 

You relaxed the longer you sat with your friends, and by the time the players started to come onto the field for warm-ups, you’d talked yourself into a state of calm. 

Sort of. 

You were fine until Jack took the field, a chorus of cheers coming from further down the third base line - the same as it had been when you and Caleb had seen him the previous week. Erin shot you a look but you ignored it, instead watching as he began his stretches, the same dark-haired woman supervising each movement. 

He looked good, and even though it had only been a little over a week since you’d seen him play, you could tell that he was stronger, too. “He looks better, right Caleb?” You nudged the boy, smiling at him. “Less hesitation when he -”

“He’s really stretching out those calves, hmm?” Erin cleared her throat. “He’s very flexible.” You glared at her and she wrinkled her nose and winked, but didn’t say anything else, even as Troy snorted into his drink. She’s not wrong, though. 

“Sorry we won’t get to meet the players today, kiddo.” Leaning forward, you propped your elbow up on the ledge in front of you before resting your chin on your hand. “I know how much you wanted to do that.”

“Are you kidding?” He turned to look at you, rolling his eyes. “This is way better. We get to see everyone up close.” You agreed - and so did Troy, and for the next few minutes, the four of you watched the players in silence, though your attention was specifically on Jack and his trainer. 

When he stepped out of view to talk to fans in the stands, you decided to go back inside and make yourself a second drink - the last one you were planning on having, since you had to drive home. Once it was mixed you lifted the cup to your lips, your other hand on the bottle. Just enjoy tonight. It doesn’t have to be more than this. You swiped your thumb slowly over where his signature was etched into the glass and took a deep breath before turning to head back outside. 

But when you reached the door, you paused, sucking in a breath at the sight of Jack crouched down in front of the netting and talking to Caleb, Erin and Troy. He must have caught your movement in his peripheral, because he looked up and nodded, his grin widening. “There she is.” 

“Hello, Whiskey.” You raised your glass, giving him a genuine smile, even as your heart pounded. “Welcome back to Louisville.” 

“It’s good to be here.” His lips twitched, one hand lifting to pull his hat off before he repositioned it on his head, never breaking eye contact. “You got the good seats tonight.” 

“We do. The good liquor, too.” That got a laugh out of him, Jack rising to his feet and straightening his shoulders as you brought the drink to your lips. 

“Enjoy yourselves. I’ve gotta get goin’.” He turned away and paused, putting a hand on his hip before he spun back to face all of you. What are you going to say, Jack? “Nice jersey, by the way.” You nearly choked on the liquid in your mouth at his words, and if Jack’s quiet laugh was any indication, he was very aware of it. You jackass. 

You caught his wink and then he did disappear, heading down the stairs and into the dugout. Ok, that could have gone worse. It could have gone better, too, but at least you hadn’t made a fool of yourself in front of him - which was the important thing.

The sound of Caleb talking about how Jack remembered him faded as you went back inside, setting your drink down on the counter and then gripping the edge of it, head lowered. The hard part’s over. He saw me and he knows I’m here, and he saw me in the - 

“He likes you.” Troy was right behind you, and even though you jumped at the sound of his voice, you recovered quickly, spinning to look at him. What? “He walked over and immediately said hi to Caleb, but he looked around and he seemed disappointed. And then you came outside and his mood changed.” Troy’s smile widened, and he stuck his tongue into his cheek briefly before saying anything else. “And if he looked for you, that means he knew you were going to be here, and -”

Shit. Is it that obvious? “I’m not going to confirm or deny a goddamn thing.”

“You just did.” Troy laughed, reaching out with one hand to squeeze your arm. “Good for you, though. He seems like fun.” You have no idea. “We should go back out there. The game’s going to start.” 

Wordlessly, you followed Troy back out and into the seating area - just as the request to rise for the National Anthem blared out through the loudspeakers.

— 

By the sixth inning, you weren’t worried about what was going on between you and Jack anymore. Instead, you were upset, because The Statesman were losing. 

It was no fault of Jack’s, though - he’d gotten a single and walked in his two at bats, the crowd giving him a standing ovation each time he headed to home plate. He’d also made a few really good plays at third - one of them throwing out someone at home as the other team tried to bunt in a run. 

The rest of the team was the problem, with errors made in the outfield, a dropped ball by the shortstop and three really bad pitches that had resulted in six total runs scored. There was still time for a comeback, and even though chances were growing slimmer by the minute, a three run deficit wasn’t too much to overcome. 

When Jack took his place in the on-deck circle, there were two men on and only one out. You stayed in the position that you’d been in for most of the game - arms crossed and elbows resting on the wall in front of you, leaning as close to the action as you could get. 

Watching him up close was special, and you’d snapped a few pictures in his earlier at bats of him bending over and adding the weights to the bat before he swung, as well as of him with it perched on his shoulder and in motion. It wasn’t just Jack that you photographed, but you paid more attention to him than the others. 

You were so close that you could hear the players grunting and groaning as they took their practice swings, as well as some of the things they yelled back to the other players in the dugout and on the field, and Jack was vocal. It didn’t surprise you after the time you’d spent with him, but if you’d said that the way he was on-field and with his teammates and the ump crew wasn’t a turn on, it would have been a lie. 

Because if the fans got into the game, Jack was on another level. 

He paused in his swings to watch the at bat in front of him, and after one particularly bad call, you heard his disdain for the ump - the man’s shout of “That wasn’t a damn strike even in a little league game!” clearly audible, as was the way he ducked his head toward the ground and kicked the dirt in a side-to-side motion with one cleat while he repeated the word “bullshit” under his breath. 

During a visit to the mound by the catcher, Jack looked over at where you were, locking eyes with you and rolling his, mouthing the word “bullshit” again. You laughed in return, mouthing the words I know, before shaking your head. It was easier than you’d thought it would be to interact with him, and part of you wondered if it was because it was pointed but not personal, and that he wasn’t hiding his actions.

The entire stadium groaned when the batter popped out and the runners couldn’t advance, but those groans turned into cheers when Jack’s walk up music started, and your breath caught in your throat again when he looked over at your suite before he headed to the plate, smirking and giving you a quick wink. 

“He changed his song!” Erin leaned over, elbowing you a few times. “This is my favorite one!” It was yours, too - and you’d always thought that it was a little inappropriate for an MLB stadium filled with kids - but that day, you didn’t care. 

He strutted toward the batter’s box as Pony blared through the speakers, and you didn’t look away for a second. And neither did any of the other women in this stadium if those cheers are anything to go by. 

He stepped into the box and then got ready, kicking at the dirt and using one hand to tug on the front of his jersey, making sure that the chain he wore was resting flush against his chest, and not on top of the material. He took a few practice swings and then tapped the bat against the plate, releasing a breath and nodding before settling the lumber back on his shoulder. 

“C’mon Jack!” You yelled the words and smacked your palm on the wall a few times, shaking your head. “Bring ‘em home!” Erin laughed next to you, but she also cheered, and then Caleb joined in, the three of you going silent just before the pitcher set and threw. 

It was a ball - so far inside that it almost hit Jack, but he stayed in place, cocking his head to the side as he lifted the bat and took another swing before settling it back in place. 

The crowd was loud - roaring out his name when Jack swung at the next pitch and made contact. The noise increased until it hooked foul, everyone wincing and groaning. He didn’t even run, though. He knew it wasn’t fair. Jack adjusted his gloves and then stepped back into the box, getting situated just in time for another pitch - that one ball two. 

“A single scores one.” Troy reached up, linking his fingers through the netting as he leaned closer. “A double will score both, and -” Jack swung and missed, and you lowered your head, swearing. Fuck. “Come on Daniels!” Troy let go of the fence and clapped his hands. “Just wait for your pitch!” 

He didn’t swing the next time and as the count ran full, the atmosphere in the stadium changed considerably. If no one scores here, the game’s over. It was a nervous energy that coursed through you, but when you looked back at Jack, you saw that he was still calm, his grip on the bat handle loose as he stepped out of the batter’s box and looked around the stadium. 

“He’s going to strike out.” Troy sat back, shaking his head. “This pitcher’s been too good today.” 

“No, he’s not.” Caleb scowled at the man, phone in hand. “He’s going to get a hit.” He jumped up and down a few times. “He has to.” 

“Whatever happens, it needs to happen now because I feel sick to my stomach.” You mumbled the words, lowering your head and groaning. “Come on, Jack.” You wet your lips and looked back at him, watching as he rocked back and forth, awaiting the pitch. 

You knew as soon as he swung that bat that he’d make contact - and when, moments later, the crack of the connection reached your ears, you knew it was gone. And so did Jack, the man keeping his eye on the ball as he headed to first, and then throwing both hands up into the air and cheering as he rounded the base.

“Fuck yeah, Jack!” You jumped up and down and then turned to hug Erin, the woman squealing in your ear before she let go and reached for Troy, who was shaking Caleb back and forth in celebration, the boy yelling in excitement. 

You focused back on the field - where the two men that had been on base were waiting at home plate for Jack. When he rounded 3rd, you cheered louder, clapping your hands and yelling out his name. There was little chance that he could hear you over the others in the stadium, and when he got to home and stomped on the base, the other two engulfing him in celebration and knocking his hat off, you wished that you’d had your camera out - and had gotten the moment on video. 

The three of them headed back in your direction, Jack at the center of the group, and even though it was fast, you didn’t miss his glance at your suite, or the tiny nod and smirk he gave you when you grinned up at him, biting down on the inside of your lip. Oh, shit. 

“That was awesome!” Caleb’s voice broke the moment, and when you looked over, you saw that he was following the three men with his phone. “And I got it all on video!” He lowered the device and then beamed up at you and his sister. “If I send it to you, will you post it?”

“That’s a long video to post, buddy.” Troy settled back into his seat, scrubbing a hand over his face as the next batter swung and missed. “But it’s really cool that you got it all.” He looked sad but agreed, and when Caleb looked at you again, you raised a brow. 

“You can still send it to me if you want, though. I’d love to watch it.” And to see if he got that smirk in there, because… damn. 

He told you he would once you were out of the stadium, and then Caleb tucked his phone away and returned his attention to the field, where the batter had just struck out, ending the inning. But they’re tied now, and that’s all that matters.  

For the next two and a half innings, neither team scored, which meant that it all came down to the bottom of the ninth. Jack was due to bat third, which meant you’d get to see him once more that night. And that might be it for a while. 

You’d taken advantage of the suite during the game, getting more to eat and drink, ordering ice cream sundaes that were delivered by your attendant, and watching a few at bats on the TV mounted to one wall instead of live in front of you. It was an experience that you’d never forget, and you’d heard your friends say the same throughout the night. 

Neither Erin or Troy had said anything about Jack’s wink or the nod, but you knew that they’d seen both. She wouldn’t spill your secrets to him, but you knew he’d likely ask, and part of you wondered what would happen if things continued between you and Jack, even on just a friendly basis. I’d have to tell them then.

The attendant told you that both bottles of Statesman were yours to take, and so between the 8th and 9th innings, you’d packed them up into the provided boxes and then tucked them into a bag that she’d left for you, along with the partially eaten candy and popcorn - figuring that they were just going to toss it anyway if you left it behind. 

And when the Statesman came up to bat for the final time, you rushed back out into the seats, standing between Erin and the left wall of the suite and drumming your fingers nervously against the concrete. 

That time, Jack paid no attention to the crowds while he waited to hit, instead crossing his legs at the ankle and leaning against the end of his bat, eyes on his teammate. “Just get on base.” You whispered the words, looking toward home. “Give Jack a chance.” 

The game meant very little in the grand scheme of things. 

The Statesman weren’t close to leading in the standings, and it would have taken a lot to get them to a contending position for the playoffs. But you still wanted them to win, if for no other reason than to top off Jack’s return. He did his part, though. He tied it up. 

And the man at the plate did his part, too, knocking a single between second and third, which meant that Jack got to the plate with one on and nobody out, his walk up song back to the one he’d used for his first two at bats. 

Caleb was nearly vibrating with excitement, his phone out and aimed at Jack once more - and you decided to do the same. Fuck it, you thought, pressing the record button. I’m just a fan right now. He took the first pitch - a called strike - and you watched him shake his head in disagreement, though he didn’t argue for too long. 

The second pitch slipped from the pitcher’s hand and veered downward, and even though Jack moved quickly, he couldn’t get out of the way. It hit the ankle guard he wore and bounced away, and for a few horrifying seconds, you worried that his return to the team would be short lived. 

The entire stadium booed, but the sound turned to a cheer when Jack bent over and pulled the protection off, tossing it to the side along with his batting helmet, and jogged to first. His trainer was close behind, the woman’s arms crossed over her chest as she assessed his condition and finally gave him the go-ahead to stay in. 

The game continued once she’d jogged back across the field and into the dugout, and you - along with thousands of others - watched anxiously, waiting. 

You didn’t have long to wait. On the third pitch of the at bat, he blooped a hit into shallow right, the ball hitting the ground and then skipping through the legs of the outfielder. 

The entire stadium roared, and the four of you did, too, cheering and clapping as the winning run crossed the plate. Erin wrapped you in her arms in celebration, but you kept your eyes on the field. I don’t want to miss this. Jack didn’t even finish rounding the bases and instead cut across the infield and headed for home, both arms out in front of him as he clapped and cheered. 

He’d lost his hat again as he hurried in, and by the time he was hugging his teammate, all of them jumping up and down, his hair had curled over his forehead - one lock hanging between his eyes. He got swallowed up in the crowd of people and you turned away, pulling free from Erin’s hold. 

“Hell yeah!” Troy pumped his fist in the air. “What a win.” It took a few seconds, but all of you managed to calm down and look back at the field, watching as the teams did their congratulatory handshakes and then broke for the dugouts and locker rooms. 

Jack got pulled for an interview, but you could barely see it, and so the four of you began to pack up, heading back inside after one final look at the field. The attendant was back, and she asked if you wanted a group photo before you left - something that Caleb agreed to for all of you. 

But once those were taken on all four phones, you had no reason to stay in the suite. She led you back down the hallway and to the main concourse, thanking you for coming and telling you to have a safe drive home before saying goodbye.

It was strange to be around so many people again after having no crowd to deal with for the entire night, but the mood was cheerful, and that hadn’t changed after walking back to the car and putting everything you carried into the trunk. 

You hoped you wouldn’t have to sit in traffic for very long. Because you’d gotten to the game so early and were on one of the lower garage floors, you got your wish. Only ten minutes later, you were out of the garage and on your way home. Caleb and Troy were having an intense conversation in the back seat, and Erin was leaning against her window, head propped up on one hand. 

“That was really cool.” You nodded, keeping your eyes on the road. “Make sure you thank the person that got those tickets for us.” You knew what she was doing - but refused to take the bait. “Or I can, if -”

“I’ll text when I get home.” You narrowed your eyes and looked over at her. “I promise.” You heard Troy snort in the back seat, but Erin thankfully didn’t say anything else. 

Caleb was the first one out of the car as soon as you parked, the boy yelling a ‘thank you’ at you before he sprinted toward the front door, bursting to tell his parents about the game. Troy and Erin hung back, and you were surprised to hear him speak first, after leaning forward to slot himself between the seats. 

“That was really fucking cool. Please, make sure you tell Jack that we appreciated tonight.” You assured him you would, and when Erin reached over to squeeze your knee, you cleared your throat. 

“Thank both of you for being … discreet.” Shrugging, you gripped the wheel with both hands. “I don’t want to make too much of -” You were cut off when your phone rang, and thanks to the fact that it was connected to your car via Bluetooth, they were both able to see exactly who was calling: Jack. “Not a word from either of you.” 

Erin laughed, but as you reached for the screen to answer the phone, she opened the door and got out, Troy not far behind. Your finger hovered for a second and then you answered, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. “Hey, Jack.” 

“I’m not interruptin’, am I?” 

“No, I just dropped everyone off, and I’m getting ready to go home.” Backing out of the driveway, you turned in the direction of your place. “What are -”

“Come over.” You sucked in a breath, looking away from the road and toward the display. What? “I mean, if you’re not busy, and want to, you can come over tonight. You should come over.”

“I don’t know where you live.” You glanced down, realizing that you were still wearing your clothes from the game. “And I need to go home and change, I’m -”

“You still wearin’ my jersey?” Confirming that you were, you were relieved to hear his groan, Jack’s continued words spoken in a much softer tone than he’d been using before. “Then you definitely don’t need to go home. I’d sure like to see you in that without a net between us.” 

You stopped at a light, pressing your fingertips to your mouth and thinking. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to spend more time with him. And if he’d called you immediately after arriving home from a walk off win, he obviously wanted to spend more time with you, too. Fuck it. Why not? 

“Alright, Jack. Send me your address and I’ll be there soon.” 

—

Sample dugout suite view:

Alternate Players Weekend photo (thank you @stealyourblorbos):

[tenderlady]

hi love!! out of curiosity, i didn't know about the lindsay ellis video, how bad is it?

hey, friend!

so, the video itself is here:

in the interest of full disclosure, i haven't actually seen it, so i really can't comment on the quality. my beef is not with lindsay ellis or the work that she's doing--as far as youtubers go, i think she's actually one of the better ones. this video might actually be good! but i haven't watched it, so i, frankly, don't know. my beef is much more with the video essay as a form and what it's doing rather than with lindsay ellis, or this video, specifically.

i'm guessing you're asking because of my tags on this post, which articulates a lot of my issues with the video essay industrial complex lmao, which gets at a lot of my discomfort with them. i used to watch video essays (a lot!), and a lot of my friends still do. like a lot of people, when i got out of grad school, i found i wasn't reading as much anymore, but i still wanted to be stimulated intellectually, and video essays were a good way to do that. but eventually i realized that i wasn't actually Learning Anything lol.

as ismatu gwendolyn says in her piece, "short-form video entertains more than it sticks." this was the place i was finding myself getting into when i was watching video essays a lot, and also the place i see my friends getting into. they are video (and arguably this isn't really short-form since it's over an hour long but i digress), but i find that most people i know don't actually Watch Them the way that you would watch a movie or, say, a lecture in a college class. instead they listen to them as you would listen to a podcast or an audiobook, which is to say While Doing Other Things. some of this is definitely because of the way our current economy is structured (a lot of the people listening to video essays are very busy, i.e., in university or working in a professional desk-type job, or have minimal downtime when not doing those things and have to double dip with their free time, so like things they can use to multi-task), and that is something i totally understand. but if we're looking at these as pedagogical objects (teaching tools from people who are trying to impart knowledge in some kind of way) they're actually not very effective. i respect folks like philosophy tube or contrapoints who include reading lists with their videos, but how many people are actually turning to these original sources? another of gwendolyn's points that i absolutely agree with is that you are engaging with a work in a totally different way by reading it. you have to give a written text your full attention, which is why the backbone of education is still Reading. this full attention forces you to have a deeper engagement with a text than you would while listening to it ambiently, or even just watching it. i get that there are people who can't do this for various reasons, but if actually sitting down with the texts a video essayist is talking about is available to you, you will find a totally different experience, even if those texts are just beatlebooks lol. (additionally, primary video texts--like interview footage of the beatles and yoko--are also hugely informative and different from the interpretive work i'm assuming is happening in lindsay's video)

i actually watched a good chunk of contrapoints' most recent video on desire but ended up dipping around the middle because she brought up anne carson and i realized i could just be reading anne carson lmao. i told a friend about this and he looked at me like i had sprouted an extra head and said "i never really thought about doing that. you're probably the only person i know who's ever done that." i get that like, 5 nerds in usamerica are hardly a representative sample, but that is the kind of behavior i see with video essays: people using them to fill a void of silence while they work/study/play video games/fold laundry rather than engaging with the material critically and learning in a concerted way.

the entertainment aspect is also something that bugs me, but i am a joyless hag, so that may just be me. i have a similar issue with john oliver. folks like oliver and the video essayists are definitely making complex issues more accessible to people who may be unfamiliar, but i don't know if they actually do much in the way of using that opened door to get people anywhere. there's also the issue of video essays being monetized. this isn't to say that Theory(TM) Isn't Monetized (they are published in journals and books, which you often have to buy), but that monetization isn't embedded into the work itself the way it is with video essays. nothing kills the vibe for me like talking about the great works of a philosopher and getting jumpscared by an ad for rocketmortgage or nordvpn halfway through.

like i said: i've watched video essays from time to time. i still do! but sometime in the last like.....4 or 5 years i realized that there were other things i could be doing with my One Wild & Precious Life.

to bring it back to the lindsay ellis video: i had a bunch of irl's (including a fucking ex that i don't talk to anymore!!!!!) send it to me, and i'm sure lindsay does a good job, but i kind of doubt she's going to tell me anything i don't already know lmao. one thing i love about the beatles fandom on here is that (for the most part) we aren't afraid to actually do Real Research Ourselves. the girlies are reading primary sources!!!! i just feel like the lindsay ellis beatle video is Not For Me, but feel free to prove me wrong!

[intimacyequalsdeath]

Bubz's Slasher Fictober Day 9 : (Peach Cobbler) Autumnal Equinox

Day 9 and the start of week 2 is here! I hope you all enjoyed week 1! For week two we're going to be doing something a bit different, each week 2 fic will be seasonal themed head cannons with m3-4 slashers in each post, I hope you all enjoy what I've cooked up for this week!

Notes: Minors DNI, Canon typical anything to do with the character, movie or game.

Support Me: KO-FI

Slashers when the first nips of the cold autumnal air start nipping at their noses...

Billy Loomis:

~Billy I think really likes colder weather. It get's sort of chilly in Woodsboro I'd imagine and when the first gusts of that fresh crisp air blow in he's sorta in his element.

~Billy is totally the type that would strip off his jacket if he even had the inkling you were even somewhat cold. You will not be cold on his watch.

~Due to Ghostface and horror movies, I just think Halloween and Autumn in general would make Billy giddy with sinister joy.

~If you know about Ghostface then prepare to have a lot of alone time While Billy and Stu are off terrorizing the town.

~If you don't know about Ghostface then Billy will have a lot of inexplicable disappearances and nights where he shows up to apologize at your window at 3am.

~But if it's taking you to a pumpkin patch where Stu crashes it by smashing a pumpkin or a cute little hayride date Billy will always make it up to you with seasonal fun.

Thomas Hewitt:

~Tommy...I'm not too sure Tommy even knows what Autumn is fully.

~Hear me out, Texas doesn't usually get cold or at least as cold as some places, plus with how thick this boy is I doubt he even notices the change in seasons.

~You'll have to bring it up to him, comment on it being October or the ever so faint nip in the air and Tommy is all over it, You're into autumn festivities ? So is Tommy.

~I'm sure Tommy will wrangle up some pumpkins (Steal) from some farmer who has more then he knows what to do with anyway. Drayton will also of course bitch about the mess, but for once Tommy doesn't care, the smile on your face is worth Drayton bitching.

~The house probably won't be decorated a lot, if at all. But down in the basement in a secret spot Drayton would never look is a festive little corner where your carved pumpkins sit.

~Despite the lack of cold weather, Tommy will try to make the most out of autumn if you really want him too. He doesn't have a clue why people dress up in masks for special occasions when he wears one all year round but if you're happy, he's happy.

Michael Myers:

~I mean....He's like the unofficial reason for the season.

~I'd like to think Michael has an inner biological clock that sort of, wakes him up in a way when the air starts to chill for the year. So even before the air is fully cold he knows it's coming.

~Michael doesn't really do Halloween activities, well unless you count killing people as a Halloween activity. If you wanna do festive things that's fine with him but he is the embodiment of Halloween itself he doesn't need to carve pumpkins.

~You probably won't see Michael unless you go out and look for him, If he really trusts you you'll know the spots he frequents so look there if your really inclined.

~The closest you'll get to doing an actual date night with Michael during the season in by watching the news report on all the new Myers victims while he sits next to you on the couch.

~Maybe you can even help him by marking a map of all the people who pissed you off throughout the year....Michael just wants to talk.