#Bruce Wayne is a serial adopter

[mx-heinous]

Bruce Wayne is hella suspicious

Like, outside of being a billionaire, he just feels too well-adjusted, you know? With that kind of backstory, it would've been natural for him to be a rogue, but somehow, he isn't. People have looked into the guy's past to try and find dirt on him and... nothing. There's nothing. He does a lot for Gotham, but what's the motive? He's rich rich. Why would he care if he wasn't hiding something? Didn't he also completely disappear for a couple of years? What was he doing? Also, it's Gotham, the place where your postman could secretly be a serial killer. Everyone's a little off here, but not him. Why?

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I think it’d be really funny to play with timelines just enough so that Jason, after dying and undying or whatever, comes back to Gotham only to see not only Batman having gained like four more kids, but at least half the justice league have a bunch more kids as well.

Batman’s adoption problem isn’t just genetic, it’s contagious and there are so many time travel/dimension shenanigans to work through here, as well as an unsettling number of secret bio kids, and Jason is one more “wait, where did they come from” away from tearing out his hair so he finally decides the rest of his plan can wait. He needs answers.

He’s not going to go ask Batman for anything, obviously, so someone else will have to do. There are many great potential options here, but my pick? Hal Jordan.

Just Jason going to Hal because Batman would never look for him there and Hal wondering how he went from discovering Gotham’s Red Hood in his kitchen to explaining the family structures of the entire Justice League to Batman’s not-so-dead son.

[yourlocal-edgelord]

Batfam as things me and my friends say

—————————

Bruce: I adopted you, just suck it up and admit it

Steph: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT YOUR CHILD

—————————

Tim: this is like the worst possible time for me to enter academic burnout

Duke: omg u 2????

—————————

Jason: what do you mean you dont like to read

Steph: its a waste of time, what am i gonna get after reading a book, its useless

Jason: DISHONOR, DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR COW, DISHONOR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY

Steph: ok :P

————————

Bruces calendar having the dates wrong

Tim: Check what generation your calendar is from

Steph: Gen alpha ❤️

————————

Dick: GUYS I DID THAT PINTEREST TREND AND I GOT RAINBOW DASH FOR CARTOON CHARACTER, THIS IS THE ACHIEVEMENT OF THE CENTURY

————————

Tim: They say Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezey - I Say Difficult Difficult Lemon Difficult

next

[aen-ren2]

HP X DC

An AU where young weak wizard Bruce Wayne (Battinson) ended up adopting Tom Riddle after receiving a prophecy about the future dark lord. He may or may not fucked up.

This come from how people keep saying that Bruce adopted all his kids to stop them from becoming evil, and I guess Bruce's adoption habits wouldn't recognize the boundaries of world differences and such.

Bruce is not good at magic, but he's a master at beating people up with his bare hands. He used his wand just to stick it up into bad people asses! (Tom secretly think it's cool)

Bruce, standing awkwardly, staring at Tom, whispering: .... Do you want to be adopted by me?

Tom, noticing at how rich Bruce looked like with his fancy suit, etc: ... Is that even a question?

.

Random Hogwarts student: You're adopted by Bruce Wayne? Isn't he—

Tom: Continue the sentence and drown in hell

.

Bruce, feeling guilty: I'm sorry I can't teach you much about magic... I never good at it

Tom, who's mastered every spells perfectly: Actually, I'm the one asking whether you want to be taught by me or not

Bruce, ignoring him: I can teach you combat if you want to

Tom:

Tom: Sure

Bruce is always sensitive about magic, maybe there's something more about him to look up. Tom might be hate helping other people than Bruce. But at least it's still better than nothing, right?

... Right?

(ignore the bad English)

[serialadoptersbracket]

Round 3, Match 1: Bruce Wayne vs. Pascal

Submitted kids:

Bruce Wayne: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian and Athanasia al Ghul, Cassandra Cain, Jarro, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Terry and Matthew McGinnis, Helena Wayne, Harper and Cullen Row, Duke Thomas (Arguments promised)

Pascal: Village children

Propaganda under the cut!

Bruce Wayne:

1. “Man can't deal with empty nest syndrome and cannot look past an orphan child without adopting them. He takes in Dick when Dick is 12 (he eventually does adopt Dick after Dick is already an adult), after being one of many people to witness Dick's parents die. After Dick went off to do his own thing he met Jason who was living on the streets after his Mom died. After Jason died, Tim shoved his way into Bruce's life saying that Bruce needed a partner in crime solving after Jason's death (Tim still had parents who were alive at this point, they did eventually die and was taken in by Bruce). Cassandra's circumstances I'm not fully clear on but she was raised by her bio dad to be a living weapon and she ran away (from my understanding at least) and Bruce took her in. Duke was taken in after his parents were hospitalized due to a Joker attack and were/are unlikely to recover. Bruce also mentors other children heroes including Barbara Gordon and Stephanie Brown, both are close to his kids and are sometimes seen as under his wing as well, but neither see him as a parent.”

Link to the rest here!

Pascal:

“not putting all of his lore here be of the pg-13 rule but he's this robot who is the sweetest guy imaginable, he is pretty smart cares a lot for his kids (again, cant get TOO into that but he is v/ protective of them) and also is a pacifist who rlly just peace between the androids & machines even tho thats pretty fucking difficult (he even is an ally to the android resistance and trades w/ them frequently!)

from his unit data (because im Bad at describing things lol):

‘A pacifist machine lifeform that despises conflict and strives endlessly for peace with humanity.

This unit possesses incredible intelligence, as well as a deep interest in the history of both humans and machines.’”

[horsechestnut]

It's nice that Bruce is adopting Tim and being all supportive with him, but could he maybe spare two seconds to figure out why the hell Cass has decided to become a serial killer?

[vroomian]

Oh my god Yrz/Bruce Wayne!!!

Okay it starts with Yrz being reborn in Gotham still poor as dirt, but realizing that It’s Gotham, Yrz does what he does best: grind. He learns to fight and hack and launches a Very Very Successful author career (mostly by ripping of hits from his past life, because morals are for suckers. What like jkr is gonna cross dimensions and sue him for making Harry Potter not antisememetic and white as fuck and including more LGBTQIA characters? (Get fucked Joanne :)))

(Also Yrz probably does some magic research because he just finds that shit cool)

By the time he’s seventeen Yrz is well on his way to being a multi millionaire with a strangle hold on popular culture (like he’d stick to just books ha ha. Yrz Has No Chill) just from mining his past life lol. That means being invited to Rich Person Parties, and inevitably meeting Bruce Wayne face to face.

And what face it is!

Bruce Wayne is canonicaly hot as hell and Yrz has never minded a fling. The two of them have a occasional sex thing (Bruce Wayne: am I not….completely straight????) (Yrz has no idea he’s caused a sexuality crisis in Batman of all people lol). I’m thinking that Bruce is like 7-10 years older than Yrz here because that’s funnier to me personally. This fling goes on for years, until Bruce adopts his first child and somehow Yrz gets tangled up in that mess.

And then the Feelings start catching up!!!

[emma-d-klutz]

Child in a homemade Robin costume: Batman, train me as your next Robin! Batman: No. Child: Please! Batman: Go home. Child: You’ve taken in loads of other apprentices. Why not me?  Batman: I only take on a child if I believe they will continue throwing themselves into danger whether they’re with me or not. Batman: [looms over them]  a҉𝔯e҉ y҉𝔬u҉ s҉𝔞y҉𝔦n҉𝔤 𝔦 𝔠a҉𝔫’҉𝔱 𝔰t҉𝔬p҉ y҉𝔬u҉? Child: ...Yes. Batman: Ok. [puts child on his shoulders] Your training starts tomorrow. Harley Quinn: D: MotherFUCKER, THAT’S HOW YOU GET KIDS????

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

Bruce crying because of these kids’ sad story

Bruce immediately taking them home and checking on them every 5 minutes!!! This man has serious baby fever, like, tell me he wouldn’t have kept them hadn’t they had a relative.

Also, “not wayward children” lol. Better get used to it, Alfred.

[taxi-cab-to-slowtown]

Batfanon fandom it’s your time…

"you know you are only supposed to have 1 apprentice maybe 2 not 15." said the wizard council member "well until people stop leaving surprisingly powerful orphans at my doorstep I'll be taking care of my 17 apprentices." The council member snapped their wand "WHERE DID YOU GET 3 MORE!"

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce: No.

Damian: Father-

Bruce: NO.

Damian: His name is Steven.

Bruce: Absolutely not!

Damian: We weaponize fear, father. Steven will strike fear into the hearts of Gotham's criminals.

Bruce: You cannot ride a moose into battle!

Damian, astride Steven the Moose: He only lets me ride him. We will not need to worry about Steven turning traitor.

Bruce: Moose are not domesticated animals, Damian, you can't keep it.

Damian: Todd isn't domesticated either and you kept him.

Jason: Damn straight I’m not.

Bruce, sighing: Jason, you’re not helping.

Jason: And you expected otherwise?

Tim, walking in: Is that a moose?

Bruce: *sighs*

Tim: Huh. What’s its name?

Damian: Steven.

Tim: Cool.

[yourlocal-edgelord]

If u send me or if i find a bruce wayne rp account and imma hit that man up begging him to adopt me

gunna send him my whole ass resume

[queeniewithabeanie]

The Polyglot

Dpxdc Prompt #8

Turns out when you become the Ghost King you get a few extra powers to go along with it. One of these powers was to not only understand, but speak every language in the multiverse.

Almost all ghosts stuck to ghost speak, which was easily understandable by all the denizens of the realms, but when you're the king apparently you also have to deal with relations to nations that lack the ability to speak the mother tongue of ghosts.

When Danny's sudden language aptitude presented itself it lead to a lot of problems. Mainly that he couldn't tell what language he was speaking in, and often swapped which one every other word.

The only language that he could speak no problem right after gaining his new power was ghost speak, which was great for talking to denizens! Not so great for talking to Sam, Tucker, and Jazz. Despite their liminality Danny's closest friends couldn't hear all the frequencies that were used in ghost speak.

Soon after discovering his problem Danny started going nonverbal, not wanting to expose himself to his fellow Amitians, or Ancients-forbid his parents.

Luckily Jazz had a solution for him! ASL

ASL was easy for Danny with his newfound ability and he didn't have to worry about constantly switching around his language mid-sentence. The movements grounded him, and he could tell immediately if he was switching to another language that didn't require a voice. Jazz had learned it in high school, wanting to be able to provide therapy to those who had more trouble hearing along with everyone else.

Sam and Tucker didn't really have prior experience with ASL, but they sure were motivated to learn. By the time they got fluent, Danny mostly had control over his polyglot ability (and started speaking again because of it), but he often forgot what language he was speaking in when he was distracted or stressed.

It was nice to be able to speak with his friends even when they couldn't understand a word coming out of his mouth.

Then Jazz, Sam, and Tucker (along with his parents) died in an explosion at Nasty Burger and he was swept into the foster care system. He got picked up by some serial adopter (what was with billionaires and wanting Danny as their son?) who lived in Gotham named Bruce Wayne.

After everyone living person Danny loved had died he was prone to being a lot more stressed which meant his languages were acting up. There was no reason for normal Danny Fenton, 17-year-old-boy to know and use 20 different languages in one conversation so he reverted to the one language he couldn't mess up.

ASL.

at least that's what he told himself

he wasn't going nonverbal

he wasn't

Hopefully his new "family" knew it (they did), would be accepting of him not speaking (they would), and most importantly didn't have a creepy basement (danny had no idea what he was getting into)!

turns out knowing every language in the world and beyond wasn't too strange for the family he was joining

now he just had to explain after 6 months why he was suddenly fine speaking around them

couldn't be too hard, right?

[jayphoenic]

For some reason, I thought this was a Batman post

Someone: "This kid is a villain"

Batman: "..."

Someone: "They've hurt people"

Batman: "..."

Someone: "They have absolutely no parental-"

Batman (to the kid): "Please sign here" (shows adoption papers)

Someone: "......"

Homeless people are people too!

[serialadoptersbracket]

Round 2, Match 51: The Bat vs. The Cat

Submitted kids:

Bruce Wayne: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian and Athanasia al Ghul, Cassandra Cain, Jarro, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Terry and Matthew McGinnis, Helena Wayne, Harper and Cullen Row, Duke Thomas (Mod note: I’m told people are gonna fight in my notes over this. Be civil about it, but I do have my popcorn. Don’t disappoint me.)

Thomas O’Malley: Berlioz, Marie and Toulouse

Propaganda under the cut!

Bruce Wayne:

1. “I have a strong feeling Batman has already been submitted before and for good reason. That man sees an unattended child and is like "is anyone gonna adopt that?" and not wait for an answer”

2. “He has so many kids I only included the ones that I probably missed a few. There's a running gag that if he met a child crime fighter he would just adopt them on the spot. He's such a serial adopter that DC made a whole webcomic about it called Wayne family adventures. At one point he missed his daughter's ballet recital so he rented out the area so she could still show him how well she did”

3. “Dude blinks and like 10 children appear, orphaned, at his doorstep. Fixes his trauma about his dead parents by being an alive parent. Over and over and over again. I mentioned a few of his kids from different timelines and universes but thats just like. 3 of the most well known ones its doesn't come close to covering the hundreds of different Batgirls and Robins hes taken under his wings throughout the multiverse. In the beginning the adoptions were spaced every 24 weeks. Then 12 then 6 then every 2 weeks. The last one was in a week. In 4 days we could be seeing an adoption every 8 hours, until theyre coming every 4 minutes. We should witness a double adoption in seven days.”

4. “Genuinely could not tell you if I got them all. I feel like I'm missing six.”

(Mod note: Full propaganda list coming soon!)

Thomas O’Malley:

“That cat was immediately all about the family of the lady cat he fell for. Well, he was slightly put off at first but he adapted quickly and was all about keeping them safe.

He was Disneys first canonical stepfather!”

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]

“I’m having a child.”

Danny stared at Batman.

“…Uh, congrats?”

Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”

Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”

Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.

“I mean- I have parents!”

“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”

Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”

“They’re still… alive?”

“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.

“I see.”

“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”

Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.

“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.

“Of course. Tell me everything.”

The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.

Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.

——

“Hey, Tim?”

Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”

“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”

Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”

Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”

“You… want to confront Batman.”

“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”

“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.

“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.

“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”

Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”

Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”

“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”

“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”

“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.

“Jason regularly showers, though?!”

“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”

“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”

“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”

“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”

“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”

“Danny, what the fuck?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”

“Hey!”

“Soul-stinky nerd man!”

——

“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.

“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”

“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”

“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.

“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”

“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.

“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.

“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.

“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.

“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.