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[aen-ren2]

If the batkids watched Bruce's life from beginning to present, it would be hilarious to see how his paranoia looks like he knew the future.

Alfred: Master Bruce, why would you need to be able to write with both hands?

Kid Bruce, one month before he breaks his right arm: I won't be able to do anything if I lose my dominant hand. And what if it happens :(

A few years later:

Some master in a specific field: Why would you want to learn how to communicate through whistling? You'll never need it.

Young adult Bruce, a few years before this skill saved his life somehow: You can't know that. What if I need to know how to do it, but I never learned how. I won't risk it.

And the batkids watch themselves asking him why he knows some niche knowledge and then saying: No, that's stupid, why would I wanna learn that? Keep your paranoia to yourself.

A short time later, that niche knowledge saved everybody's live while the batkid wasn't looking.

Is this hilarious to anybody else? No? Ok, I'll go now.

listen, if you think everything is gonna happen to you eventually some of it will

i just like to think of the smug look on Bruce's face when one of his skills comes in handy while Alfred is looking at the mountain of skills gone unused like "Ah yes, sir, even a broken clock and all that"

[aen-ren2]

Imagine pissing off Superman so badly that he and Batman completely switch the tone of their respect visual motifs. Superman’s light and sun becomes blinding, burning, to the point that Batman’s endless night becomes safe and welcoming. You hide in Gotham because you think it’ll ward off even the Last Son of Krypton, because even the worst of a cursed city’s shadows are better than Superman’s full fury.

[aen-ren2]

Bruce being a pretty face that he is, would of course gain lots of attention. Besides having tons and loads of money and having a surname known in the entirety of Gotham.

Every event and gala that he'd casually walk in, there's already maybe 2-3 people hovering over him, trying to swoon him over and seduce him.

maybe about 2 meters away, 4 people are already eyeing him. Seeing how they'd win him over, how they would capture their prey.

Meanwhile at the manor, the Wayne kids are the ones who have to deal with the bombardment that these suitors are doing towards their father.

Dick: Okay so some weird mf just sent a whole ass bouquet in front of the manor's gates...

Jason: Yeah lemme guess is it carnations?

Dick: no, it's peonies.

Jason: Oh okay, so that's fron that one CEO from the outskirts of Gotham.

Dick: Wait you got them all memorized?

Tim: well I mean yeah, some of us here even got some bet going on from how long will it take for each and everyone of then to stop sending shit.

Duke: no kidding tho, some fucker decided to drove a whole ass drone with it carrying a package and before it could even reach the boundary of the manor, i exploded it to pieces.

Steph: one time I thought i was gonna be cornered while i was going home, but then turns out it wss one of them suitors, asking me to give Bruce his gifts. I just nodded, he went away then I threw the whole thing to the trash bin.

Cass: A car stopped in front of me on my way home and it even gave me a lift. Then before I could got off of the car, the guy beside me asked if I could give Bruce the perfume he has sent for him. I gave it to the homeless man.

Dick: Why would you, a trained assissin and a vigilante would just randomly accept an offer from a stranger????

Cass: my legs are tired from walking.

Dick: ??????EVEN CHILDREN KNEW BETTER THAN ACCEPTING A STRANGER'S OFFER?

_________________________

Meanwhile

Damian whispering while observing the surroundings: You got the thing?

Clark: Yeah got it here. (Hands over Krypto)

Damian, trying not to coo on the spot: okay. So, all I need to do is convince Father,right? Saturday night, at the daily planet tower, 10 pm sharp?

Clark: Yep! And could you hand him over this? (Hands over a little gift)

Damian: you need an added payment.

Clark: fine, 2 week visits to the farm, with free access to every animals.

Damian: deal. I'll make sure Father won't be able to resist this. Pleasure doing business with you.

[aen-ren2]

by @Summer_Chill14

[aen-ren2]

Bruce, who has a problem expressing emotions because he was teased for them in school as the "crazy Wayne kid"

Bruce, who used to clutch Alfred at night and wet himself due to his nightmares.

Bruce, who got flashbacks till his mid-twenties everytime he walked down an alley.

Bruce, who would hug a weeping Dick Grayson and stay with him until the night terrors were over, humming a soft lullaby that Bruce's mother sang for him

Bruce, who hardened his mouth and his life to keep the anger in check after Jason, because he knew if he didn't every criminal would pay.

Bruce, who sees Damian chopping up shrubbery and thinks "I was far worse as a child inside, it's a good thing he's letting it out"

Bruce, who can't walk by a homeless child in the street without calling his special Wayne Foundation liaison (who he keeps on speed dial) and asking her to find "one more spot"

Bruce, who sees Selina petting kittens and robbing the rich and thinks "if I could have had a life with her, that would have been nice"

Bruce, who looks at Cass' x-rays and sees her knit bones and swears to god he will break the bones of whoever's responsible for her upbringing

Bruce, who gives Tim projects that he himself can do faster because he sees attention-starved Tim trying to please him

Bruce, who looks at Clark smiling and thinks of what he can buy for his birthday to make him smile just like that.

Bruce to his parents in their graves after not being able to catch a criminal: I'm sorry. I've failed you. I'll try harder.

People who don't know Bruce: why is that man so unfeeling.

Bad DC writers: idk just that way i guess

[aen-ren2]

Injustice really gave me some of my favorite evil!superman tropes; all of the good things about Clark are shifted slightly and become, frankly, terrifying.

He can sense Bruce’s heartbeat from anywhere on Earth. He can track Bruce and his allies down in an instant and burn them to ash with his eyes. He’s intelligent and driven, skills from his time as a journalist.

What was once comforting — knowing Clark was always listening and able to come to your side in an instant — is now your undoing.

[aen-ren2]

Battinson and Batfleck in one room would just be silence and judgemental stares

Batfleck:

Battinson:

Both of them, at the same time mentally: so he’s me but worse

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actually now that I’m thinking about it, Bruce showing up to the Watchtower last minute in one of Nightwing’s domino masks because he can’t wear the cowl for some reason and everyone (bizarrely) assumes that the new, handsome (if slightly older) vigilante must be a New Bat and maybe even a partner of Nightwing’s and Bruce isn’t correcting them because he’s trying to avoid drawing attention to his face/voice/mannerisms outside of the cowl (or maybe he’s injured enough he can’t talk too) and they start talking to him about Batman until Clark shows up and is like wait a minute…why do I know that heartbeat who IS this Nightwing lookalike…is so funny to me

[aen-ren2]

Battinson and Batfleck in one room would just be silence and judgemental stares

Batfleck:

Battinson:

Both of them, at the same time mentally: so he’s me but worse

[aen-ren2]

not being a Bruce multishipper feels like an insult to the huge whore that this man has built his entire adult life upon being… like wdym you can only see him w one person…? Does the name “Brucie” mean nothing to you?? Has he not proven himself to be an absolute flaming bisexual???? Hold on I… I need to sit down..

[aen-ren2]

batman has gotta be one of my favorite heroes only because he’ll go through the most borderline traumatic series of events possible where he may or may not have proved an afterlife existed just to drive away in his stupid fucking batcar with his stupid fucking bat ears peeking out

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Batman (Bruce Wayne) - Icons

Don't repost, that's not cool.

Like or Reblog if u Save.

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I need Batman and Bruce to get magically split into different people and not know they're the same person. They DESPISE each other (self-loathing woooo) but have NO idea why. Just a very intense gut-feeling. Borderline about to throw up just looking at the other's face

[Middle of an argument]

Batman: YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN SHOT IN THAT ALLEY!!!

Bruce: WELL, YOU SHOULD RUN A BIRD CEMETARY!!!

---------------------

Batman: I vow to save every single life I possibly can

Batman: Except for Wayne's. You can have at 'im

Bruce, currently being hostaged: Oh, fuck you

This is hilarious and I don’t want to take away from it by being angsty, but now I’m thinking of a situation where they’re split in half and think they’re separate people but something just doesn’t add up.

Bruce Wayne knows how to move in ways he shouldn’t. Batman keeps thinking of things only Bruce Wayne would know or care about (his kids, his butler, etc) and they both slowly come to the realization that the split wasn’t a split. There is no Batman without Bruce Wayne, and vice versa.

Trying to cleave one from the other is simply impossible, and the two halves hate each other not because their whole self hated themself, but because they are both pretending that they don’t need the other. That the other half doesn’t exist. And that harms them in either direction; Bruce Wayne needs Batman, and Batman needs Bruce Wayne. One isn’t better than the other. Greater than the other.

[aen-ren2]

My DCU batman design

Profiles

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If Bruce has been on a long non sleep binge and finally falls into bed, there is around a 95% he’ll say yes to anything

It has to be between three to ten minutes since Bruce fell asleep, or else it’s a lost cause

Jason wakes Bruce up at the 4 minute mark and the man is incredibly groggy. Bruce doesn’t understand a single thing his son is saying but he hears the word “money” and just throws his card at him with a grunt before going back to sleep.

At the 6 minute mark it’s Duke and Damian for some reason. Something something something, Bruce genuinely doesn’t give a fuck right now. He nods his head and shoos them away. The chance he’ll regret nodding is very hard, but he can figure that out after he sleeps.

At the 8 minute mark it’s Dick followed very closely by Cass. Dick takes something from his drawer and possibly his phone, Bruce doesn’t care. He’s pretty sure Cass steals his car keys but she also gives him a kiss on the forehead and gives him another blanket before jumping out of his window

Unfortunately, at the 16 minute mark Clark tries to wake him up. He couldn’t reach the man by phone and his heartbeat was slower than it usually was the past few days. He just wanted to check that his best friend was okay.

The moment Bruce awoke he forgot who he was and he became one with New Jersey. He cursed Clark out so fast and so aggressively that for half a second Clark believed that he was summoning a demon to kill him.

Alfred came in to save the poor man and got Bruce back to sleep, tucking him in securely. Clark brings Bruce a basket is edible arrangements cause the man loves his fruits.

[aen-ren2]

“He would not fucking say that” is a Schrodinger’s phrase when it comes to Batman. There is probably Batman run where he would say that. There is also probably a run where Batman would kill the other Batman for saying that.

[aen-ren2]

Batman having low self esteem is actually kind of funny in an absurdist level, like what do you MEAN you're the richest most disputable bachelor of the entire Gotham and part of the United States for actually more than twenty years, you raised pretty much more or less two functioning adults you trained eight competent fighters, you're best friend with SUPER MAN and WONDER WOMAN. You're one of the leaders of the fucking justice league, you got literally aliens and people in power from the government shutting their mouths to listen to you, you're so good at training people that your oldest also is able to do the same and your two youngest, you saved the world more times the world can count, you save the city every single fucking day, you bagged Talia Al Ghul and Catwoman and fumbled imensiously, you have no wrinkles, no one knows your age, you're 6'0, blue eyes, rich, cis het (allegedly) and yet you still come home and say to your self you're not enough ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?