#Brian is the man on the computer

[all-lars-bars]

God damnit, I'm turning Timothy Wright from Marble Hornets into Spider-Man

[pondslime]

Brian Van Holt as Sergeant Ray Dunbar

BASIC (2003) dir. John McTiernan

[bucket-of-mold]

So I am reading through the mechs fiction, and I read Archive Footage, and now I'm thinking about the difference between Ivy's brain and Brian's brain. Based on the way they talk and act, their brains obviously work very differently. Ivy usually talks in statistics and her fiction shows that she stores memory as data, more like a usual computer would. She shows that dilemma of trying to keep messy human thought inside of a binary computer. Brian on the other hand seems to speak more like someone normally would, and I haven't seen anything about his brain working in a similar way to Ivy's (I haven't read all the fiction yet tho so i might be missing something). He does have the morality switch though, which is something Ivy doesn't have. It makes me wonder about how their mechanisms were made for them to both have such different experiences with having a mechanical brain. Maybe because Brian is mostly mechanical, his brain integrates more smoothly with the rest of him, while Ivy's is more stark of a contrast? Or maybe Brian's was an attempt to have a computer brain be more outwardly human, which caused the bi-product of a morality switch that Ivy didn't need? There is much to think about and this is not even scratching the surface of my thoughts on how the mechanisms function, or how Brian and Ivy work in general.

[loveinhawkins]

i’ve recently become aware of this starcourt mall commercial & i’m dying at the thought of Eddie seeing it, bored out of his mind, until Steve appears on screen with that stupid sailor’s hat and the world’s most awkward, “Ahoy!”, and, oh, Eddie’s grin is evil.

“Why did you tape over Dallas?” Wayne asks that night.

“Wayne,” Eddie says solemnly, “I needed to record the best moment of my life.”

Of course, Steve finds the tape later, because the universe likes to laugh at Eddie, apparently.

Spring Break of ‘86 is a few weeks away—thanks to one distracted moment, Eddie unknowingly puts the wrong tape in the case before returning a rental to Family Video, then speeding off to band practice.

Steve doesn’t notice the mixup until a few hours later, when he routinely opens the VHS cases to check that the tapes have been rewound. When he sees the tape devoid of any movie sticker, he can’t resist watching it; his shift is dragging by.

He gets 20 minutes into Dallas before it cuts off, and the commercial plays.

His jaw drops, and he groans in embarrassment, but he’s laughing when he calls for Robin in the back room, and then they’re watching it together, cracking up. They both remember filming it, remember looking at each other and swearing to never speak of it again, but they’d never actually seen it, and well… it is pretty funny.

Steve gets an evil grin of his own when he sees that the rental account is in Eddie’s name.

When he calls, he gets Mr. Munson on the phone, and because Steve can also be a meddling little shit when the conditions are right, he makes up some story about the store having new forms, that he just needs Eddie to sign one quickly.

The next day, Eddie strolls in, and Steve looks him right in the eye.

“Ahoy, Munson,” he says, deadpan.

Eddie freezes in place. He briefly considers turning around and walking into traffic.

“Harrington,” he says stiffly.

“Hey, man,” Steve says, relentlessly chipper, “so we’re kinda down on one copy of—” He glances over to the computer. “—Life of Brian, and up one copy of, uh…” He lifts Eddie’s tape off the counter, smirks. “I guess, half of Dallas.”

Eddie stalks over. “It was… for school,” he blurts out unconvincingly. “Recording Hawkins history. Nothing personal, King Steve.”

Steve lets the venom in the nickname bounce off him. “Starcourt was pretty, uh, historic,” he says mildly, fighting another smirk.

“Whatever,” Eddie snaps, losing what little patience he has left—despite all of his performances to the contrary, the thought of people laughing at him still makes his skin crawl. “Let me get out of your massive hair, Harrington, and I’ll bring your fucking video back.”

Steve raises one hand, palm out. “Woah, chill,” he says, and as Eddie’s nostrils flare, he feels a little twinge of guilt; he didn’t actually mean for all of this to come across as mean-spirited or anything. “Sorry, man. I’m not trying to be a dick, I swear.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Could’ve fooled me.” But he looks a little calmer, raises an eyebrow. Well?

“Here,” Steve says, handing over the tape, and he doesn’t react when Eddie snatches it back. “Oh, and I extended the rental on your movie.” He shrugs. “Saves you a double trip, y’know?”

“Thanks,” Eddie says, after a pause.

“No biggie.” And when Eddie makes to leave, Steve calls, “Hey, Munson?”

Eddie turns at the door, no longer quite as cagey. “What?”

Steve shrugs again. “Thanks for the mixup, I guess?”

“You’re kidding,” Eddie says flatly.

“No, I mean it, dude. Like, once I got over the, well, embarrassment of, um, everything, it was actually kinda… nice to see it.” He nods to Robin in one of the aisles, guiding a customer over to a movie. “Me and Robin, we—it was nice to have something about Starcourt that we could laugh at.”

Eddie considers him. “Were you in the fire?”

Steve smiles, and if Eddie didn’t know any better, he’d say there’s more than straightforward sadness on his face. “Yeah, got caught up in it.”

Eddie slowly, thoughtfully, opens the door but doesn’t leave, leans against it. He looks Steve up and down. “Damn shame you don’t have a hat in your get-up here, Harrington.”

Steve mock scowls, ruffles his hair. “I’m not suffering through that again.”

Eddie finds himself smiling without meaning to. “You poor thing. I guess once is enough.”

And Steve rolls his eyes this time. “Yeah, yeah, once. You’ve goddamn immortalised it, Munson.”

Eddie snorts. “Oh, but I had to,” he says, tucking the tape under his arm, “for posterity. In a hundred years, there’ll be sonnets written about your sailor outfit, Steve Harrington.”

And, whoops, that wasn’t planned, Eddie thinks. Laying it on a bit thick there.

Steve laughs, but not at him; Eddie can tell now. “Go enjoy your Saturday, Munson.”

Eddie gives a lazy salute. “Ahoy.”

And as Eddie leaves, he spots a note on the counter, next to the usual Be kind, rewind reminders. It’s handwritten, with a cartoony winking face: And check what’s inside!

[sheawritesstuff]

Redacted Things I Think About Often

✩ I know Caelum is probably about the size of a short adult person, but I like imagining him tiny enough to carry around in one of those cat dome backpacks so he can go on adventures with Freelancer and Gavin without them worrying about him causing trouble

✩ What if the yandere caller is a stealth and that’s how he got in the house with all the doors still locked??

✩ Huxley during bulking season and Damien’s reaction to said bulk

✩If Asher and David weren’t getting married at the same time, Ash would absolutely come out in a wedding dress to prank David before his and Angel’s wedding

✩ Darlin and Smartass calling their partners “Old Man[affectionate]”

✩ Hush said he’s been reading about humans. Is he just popping into the public library and doing his research there? Is he going online? Does he even know how to use a computer??

✩ Guy staying up late after he gets off work to get some writing done

✩ Several characters have mentioned “Jesus Christ” -more in an expletive way, but it’s still his name- so Christianity is a canon part of the universe. Do you think there’s a version of the bible that explains how empowered people got their powers? Is Jesus a vampire?? Or a shade?? Or a secret third thing??

✩ Brian - he deserved better

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (1)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby! MC

Plot: Through some mysterious and very miraculous events, a young woman finds herself literally stuck with a character from her current video game obsession. You can guess it already. It's an isekai type fanfic. Except in this case Astarion is stuck in our modern world.  I was gonna call the MC Tav, but since the actual game character Tav is mentioned I just named her Winnie. 

Content Warnings: Death….sorta, An asshole of a stepdad, MC uses She/Her pronouns, eventual smut and sexual content in future parts. Characters may be Ooc, grammar/spelling mistakes are possible. MC has very low self esteem. Depressed MC.

Chapter One: You are here!

Chapter Two: Here!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Argh I knew something would go wrong with this game!” The female huffed, staring down at her computer. Her eyes scanned over the error message titled ‘Character not found.’ She gritted her teeth in frustration. “God forbid I try mods….” 

The young woman groaned, shutting her laptop and falling back onto the bed. Apparently after finally installing a cheat mod onto Baldur's Gate 3 the game decided to retaliate and locked her out of her save files. She couldn't even create a new character either! The same ‘Character not found’ message seemed to pop up no matter what she did. The girl’s name was Winnie, a college student in her early twenties who was still living at home. Not too long ago Winnie had gotten the game upon release. She'd played it several times since then and even yet was still able to find some hidden secrets she didn't notice the first time. Honestly this game had really helped with her current state. Life had just been dull and miserable. All her friends had moved on and had their own lives now and she really wasn't the best at making new ones. 

She had a dull boring job, did online writing classes and also had to put up with the asshole her mother married. This game had been a godsend for her these past few months. It gave her an escape. A way to be someone else, at least for a little while anyway. 

Not to mention live out her somewhat cringey teenage girl fantasy of dating a walking red flag of a vampire. In this game she felt important. Like she was some badass heroine who was ready to take on any foe.  Not the shy, scared, awkward woman who she saw in the mirror.

Her cat Maddie broke Winnie from her thoughts as she hopped up onto the bed and crawled onto the young woman's chest. Winnie ran her hand over the cat's thick fluffy black fur.  Maddie gave a small mew before purring noisily and gently kneading her claws into Winnie’s chest.

Winnie sighed, scratching the sides of Maddie's face as she was soothed by the feline’s pur. 

“WINNIE! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!” A gruff male voice shouted from the other room, causing Maddie to jump and scramble off of Winnie and hide under the bed. 

The brunette haired girl sighed and got up, walking out of the room and cautiously stepping down the hall. 

“Yes, Brian?” Winnie spoke up as she entered the kitchen.  She looked over to see her stepfather stumbling about. Brian was a rather large man with short dark hair and beard. He was well….very unpleasant.

“Where are the goddamn car keys?” He growled out. 

“Dunno, I don't drive.” Winnie said calmly as she leaned up against the wall, “mom probably put them somewhere. Check the coffee table by the recliner.” 

Brian stomped off, a tiny tan fluff of a dog following after him.  He grabbed the keys before walking back into the kitchen. 

“I'm going to the store. Keep that stupid cat of yours in your room! It keeps shitting all over the carpet!” 

“I've told you over and over. Maddie only goes in the litter box. It's your dog that keeps making a mess in the house because you don't take him outside when he needs to go.” Winnie rolled her eyes.

“Don't fucking talk back to me! You're lucky your mother lets you stay here, if it was up to me you'd have been kicked out of here a long time ago.”  Brain snapped, making Winnie flinch a little at his tone.  “Now make sure the trash is taken out before I get back.” He said before stomping out the front door and slamming it behind him.  Winnie flinched once again at the loud sound before letting out a sigh and pulling the trash out of the can despite the fact that she distinctly remembered her mother telling Brian to take it out this morning. 

Winnie took out the trash before coming back inside heading back to her room. Her eyes scanned over her laptop as Maddie crawled out from under the bed.  She walked back over and opened the device, logging herself on before attempting to open her game back up.

[Character not found.]

Winnie groaned before filling out a bug report and then putting her computer up. She needed to get ready and go to work anyway. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~

A few days had passed and nothing seemed to work. Winnie had disabled and deleted all the mods, sent in about a dozen but reports and still nothing. The only thing left she could try now was uninstalling the game and then reinstalling it. 

Winnie sat on the bed waiting patiently for the game to download though she knew it would at least take an hour. She pulled out her cellphone, noticing a text from her mother. The message was informing Winnie that Brian and her mom wouldn't be home until late tonight. At least this meant she'd have plenty of peace and quiet in the meantime. The young woman spread out on her bed, stretching her limbs before slowly closing her eyes, resting lazily.

Time passed as she slowly dozed off…Eventually she was awoken by the sound of beeping? It was some strange noise that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She quickly looked over to her laptop and her eyes widened as she noticed it seemed to be going crazy. Blinking and beeping.

“What the fuck!?” She exclaimed, grasping her computer and frantically clicking the mousepad. 

Then the screen went black before seemingly returning to the home screen. However, everything on the computer was gone save for one shortcut. Baldur's Gate 3.

The game’s shortcut sat in the very center of the computer, practically screaming at Winnie to click on it. She clicked it and the game opened up. 

Everything seemed to go as normal up until the title screen.  Winnie’s eyes widened in shock as she noticed all of the menu options were gone aside from (New Game).  She raised an eyebrow before clicking on the only option available and waiting as the opening cinematic played. Everything continued as it usually did. Winnie created her Tav, a human druid with an urchin background, then proceeded to hop into the game. 

Winnie did a bit of a speed run, moving through the Nautiloid as quickly as she could. She recruited Us, Lae'zel and freed Shadowheart before reaching the helm and crashing the ship.

Upon reaching the ravaged beach was when things began to get strange. 

The game buffered and blinked a bit, skipping the scene where Tav would check themselves out followed by some voiced narration. Tav was kinda just there on the beach. 

“Oh God. The game is glitching….” Winnie whined. She sighed in annoyance before clicking on the ground where she wanted Tav to walk. Winnie REALLY did not feel like uninstalling the game and waiting another hour to try again so she decided she'd play for as long as the game would allow.  Winnie had Tav wander over towards where Shadowheart would normally be laying after crash, only to find an empty space where the half elf should be.  Winnie groaned assuming it was another glitch before continuing on along the beach. While most things were there like the dead bodies and the intellect devourer enemies, Winnie did not see any sign of Shadowheart at all. Not even near the ruins where she'd be if she wasn't rescued by the player.  Winnie decided to quickly go and look for the other characters, sneaking her way past the little brain creatures and moving down the path where Astarion, the elven rogue companion, would be waiting to ambush the player.  He was Winnie’s favorite. She had a soft spot for sassy morally grey characters with tragic backstories. And he was also secretly a vampire to boot which just added to the appeal.  Winnie had her Tav approach the area before she let out a sigh of relief seeing as the vampiric elf was in his starting area shouting for help like normal. At least the game wasn't completely broken.

“Hurry I've got one of those brain things cornered.” Astarion’s dialogue began as soon as Tav got close enough to interact with him.  “There in the grass, you can kill it can't you? Like you killed the others?” 

“Uh….I kinda actually didn't kill any of them…Heheh.” Winnie chuckled before dragging her mouse over the dialogue choices.

1. [Easily, stand back.]

2. Kill it yourself. You seem capable.

3. Leave

Winnie clicked on choice 1 before her Tav walked over to check the tall grass for the intellect devourer that was actually non-existent. 

Instead a wild boar leapt from the grass and made Tav jump in surprise, giving Astarion the perfect opportunity to strike. He pinned the druid to the ground, pressing a dagger to her neck.

“Shhh…Shhh….Not a sound…Not if you want to keep that darling neck of yours.” The vampire practically purred out.  Winnie blushed, a shiver going down her spine. There was a reason she always found herself choosing the elven vampire as her character’s love interest. Initially when she first got the game she felt he came off as a pompous prick (which he is) but damn he was so fucking seductive. It drove Winnie absolutely mad. Not to mention it helped given he had sweet delicious character development later on in his story and actually could be kind of a sweetheart… To the player at least.  

The romance in this game had to be Winnie’s favorite aspect of it. She was very romantically inexperienced to say the least and this just added to what made the game her perfect escape from reality. It made her feel like someone actually liked her. Winnie prepared to select the next dialogue choice when suddenly she noticed they had changed. 

1. [……….]

2. ………..

3. ……….

4. ……….

She looked up and saw a smirk form on Astarion's lips, his eyes appeared as if he was staring back at Winnie from through the screen. Before she could speak Astarion slit Tav's throat and let them drop onto the ground.

“What. The. Fuck.” The brunette haired female went pale as she stared at her computer screen. Astarion sighed in what sounded like relief?

“Finally, we've done that old song and dance so many times! The novelty has completely worn off.” He stretched out his arms, before wiping his dagger on the ground. “It feels so invigorating to try something new, wouldn't you agree?” 

“Uhh…..What's going on?” Winnie asked aloud. She was shaking a bit in both confusion and a little fear.  Her character was kinda just laying on the ground dead…and Astarion was talking….to her!?

“Oh dear, it seems I've gone and frightened you. Ahaha!” Astarion chuckled before appearing to move closer to the screen, even going so far to place his hand on it…

“Hello darling…”

[aroorchid-slenderwoman]

Just saw a post on Instagram about how it's a good thing most YouTubers that are popular aren't villains and that gave me ideas so here's what I've got

Hero group:

Milo Rossi - debunker and government hater,

Pirate software - military hacker and group leader,

Brian David Gilbert - collector of knowledge and spell caster/vampire

Main antagonistic villain group:

Name: the Paradox Association

PBS space time - violates physical laws,

stand up maths - violates mathematical laws,

Veritasium - spell caster and leader of the group,

3b1b - actually a sentient computer program,

Vsauce - joker of the group,

Hank green - lex Luthor of the group

Villains of the week:

Usually summoned by the Paradox association

McNally - rouge thief marksman,

Nilered - mad chemist,

Rainbolt - assassin who stalks social medias,

Jerma - riddler or some form of lizard person,

Combo class - mathematically perfect arsonist,

Alan becker - has electrokinesis and stick figure minions,

Wintergatan - musical mad man and inventor of clockwork beings,

Action lab - bombs,

Honorable mentions for people I was too tired to come up with powers for but would be villains:

Sabine hossenfelder,

Douglas Douglas,

Numberphile,

Probably some of those Minecraft YouTubers but I don't watch any

Tally hall

[smytherines]

Was I hallucinating due to the antibiotics, or during tinlightenment was there a thing were Curt Mega suggested that Owen like uploaded his consciousness to Chimera's computer system and could still be "alive" out there? I swear to god I remember this so vividly, because I think Brian Rosenthal joked that Owen lives on a floppy disc?

Anyways bless that man for being the #1 curtwen fan

(Edited to be clear: TCB immediately shot the idea down & joked about the limited storage space on 60s computers)

[yesterdays-xkcd]

The Planck length is another thousand or two pixels below the comic.

Depth [Explained]

Transcript

Title: Sizes Accurate on a vertical log scale.

[Series of images of characters doing various things. The things they are doing are listed in left to right order.] Cueball and Megan playing in a ball pen Megan using witchcraft to ban vista "Out, Vista!" Ponytail and Megan play Rock Band A couple is having sex under the cover in bed.

[Below this series of images, an image of a man on the computer.] Cueball is on a computer and the image expands as it goes down. Here are the labels from left to right, up to down: CD DVD Case North Bridge PS/2 Mouse (rodent) RAM CPU Socket Pin 32,767 Angels Dancing (one more and they'd roll over and become 32,768 Devils), Rice, Torrent (a bug), CPU, upcoming segfault dust mite hair OVUM Data (a pixel on Rick Astley's shoulder), rust mite, fork(); Peter Norton fighting a bacteriophage memory carbon nanotubes space elevator a line of silicon (Si), Electron Cloud, a man made out of arrows saying "sup?" silicon nucleus IPod femto Brian Greene knitting furiously [next to his knitting needles there is text saying ''clink, clink'']

[rabbitblackx]

Hello, can i request a headcanon with Slenderman, Eyeless Jack, Toby, and Jeff The Killer reacting to a reader who is a famous horror writer that's writting books based off of them? And how they interact with them?

Reader writes novels based off Creepypastas

Includes: Slender Man, Toby Rogers, Eyeless Jack and Jeff The Killer

Slender Man💖

The more people knew about Slender Man, the more he could feed off their fear. He was a sickness that infected anyone that got two close. It affected Tim, Toby, Brian,,, you. When he found out you were writing a novel based off him, it was nothing more than a delight, really. Poor little you. You had no idea what you were doing. It also reminded Slender why he kept you alive for so long. You were his little messenger. He loved you because you were to spread the word. You were to unknowingly spread his sickness across the whole world.

Toby Rogers💖

Toby felt honoured that you were writing a novel based off him. He gained somewhat of a schoolboy crush on you after you told him. He sat on your bed as you typed away, randomly blurting out things about himself. Toby peered over your shoulder, his messy hair tickling your cheek as he babbled on. He soon came to the idea of making your story into a graphic novel. You humoured this idea and suggested he be the artist. Toby pulled himself away from you and dashed out of the room, coming back with his own notebook and various pencils. He laid on his belly on your floor, sketching away panels and scenes about himself. He was quite fond of you, and changed the script a little to include your pretty self in his comic too.

Eyeless Jack💖

Jack entered your room to check up on you, only to find you absent. He was about to look for you elsewhere within the large manor, but something caught his eyeless gaze. Your computer was still lit up, with some of your writing displayed on the screen. Jack enjoyed your writing, and couldn’t help but have a peek at the draft. He didn’t believe it when he realised you were writing a novel based off him. Jack kept reading your work, invested in the way you so beautifully wrote him. He sometimes forgot he even had one, but his heart seriously skipped a beat. His tender moment was cut short though, when you noisily bursted through the door. You gasped, squealing in embarrassment when you realised he was reading your story about him. Jack told you he loved it, and couldn’t wait to read the final product. You were relieved he was cool with it, and wrapped your arms around him while telling him how beautiful he was.

Jeff The Killer💖

Oh, you were writing a novel based off him? Well, duh! Of course you were! Expect a lot of constructive criticism. Jeff was in your room annoying you all hours of the night, reading your writing over your shoulder. He told you what he should do next, and what he should say. Most of the time his lines were very corny or silly, making you giggle. He laid on your bed next to you as you typed away on your laptop. Jeff could tell you were focused so he made meaningless smalltalk, fiddling with his knife. He poked the side of your thigh with it a few times, trying to get a reaction out of you. You passively told him to stop, shoving your laptop towards him to read your most recent paragraph on him. Jeff surprisingly really liked it. He thought your writing was so badass.

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

My reactions to episode 5 of season 2 of Criminal Minds Evolution

Didn't do one last week bc i didn't have time, plus it was just a weird episode. but people have told me they're excited for me to watch this one, so let's go!

i think this is penelope and voit's first time seeing each other face to face???

Voit's little nursery rhyme taunt i am CRYING laughing

Voit taunting the SHIT out of Rossi

"Somewhere in Iowa" has me rolling

Ooh so this is the beginning of the conspiracy theory. The FBI "assassinating" people

Side note: do they never change their badge pictures?? rossi's hair still has color in his

"Get out" Rossi????

Voit sitting at Reid's desk is funny bc Zach Gilford auditioned for Reid way back when

GARVEZ STANDING BESIDE EACH OTHERRRRRR. love collecting Garvez CRUMBSSSS

Luke she is standing slightly in front of you. you are not staring at her side you're staring at her ass. I see you.

"You can't bluff for a minute? You've been bluffing you're not Sicarius for a month" Tara i LOVE you

Someone: *mentions computer stuff* Luke: *looks at Penelope* Me: yeahhhh he knows his gf can do anything

"I'll come with just to make sure you [elias] behave" Luke i am sure that is the ONLY reason

"an online bulletin board where people post their not-so-secretly racist opinions?" Luke i love you

Voit: *touches Pen's things* Luke: Hands off, asshole YES MAN PROTECT YOUR GIRLLLLL

"What's up with you two? Because there's a vibe." AH HA HA HA HA!! I saw a mini spoiler that Voit picked up on them but I imagined he would be calling Luke out on it privately to taunt him I DIDN'T THINK HE'S ASK THEM BOTH TO THEIR FACE WHAT ALL THAT TENSION WAS

this is no longer garvez crumbs this is garvez ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Penelope why don't you have an answer? Why don't you have an answer, Penelope?

Couples who insult an inmates smell together stay together 🥰

"subtitle to Mary Shelley's frankenstein" the secret agenda to CME: make Luke super knowledgeable about classic literature. my "luke was an english major" headcanon is just proved more and more right

"Dr. Lews" look at least he's respectful of her title. i feel like ppl forget she's a doctor

Penelope holding up a handkerchief to her nose 😂

"Neglected to ask me that" luke was right, everyone IS a comedian

"You son of a bitch" I love how they are just having Luke call him every name in the book

Luke recognizing morse code like the little army boy he is 🥰

"what the fuck is north star?" that's an episode name, isn't it? does anyone remember what episode it is going to be?

Emily and Rossi plotting to let Voit try to escape so they can shoot him. Okay????

oooh that sounded SO scripted and forced and awkward 😭

"can you do that without fingerprints?" EMILY WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST ASK TYLER???

"Same deductive work as the BAU just... faster" 😂😂😂

"Wheels up" i was GAGGED when i saw that in the preview

Tyler found brian!!

Voit just taunting them all like a child has me cackling

Omg he knows about Greencia. If he tries to use it to blackmail them/her Luke is going to rip his head off

"Maybe not that crazy" AKA he noticed Garvez so he's not surprised she'd be messing around with ppl involved in her work

"That's enough" Luke is like "A. don't talk about her that way. B. i don't want to hear about this."

"Why is that enough, Luke?" STOP IT RIGHT NOW I'M CACKLING

"Do us all a favor and shut the fuck up" YESSSSSS JJ

"Tynelope is a thing and that drives Luke crazy." oh my GOD. there is so much here. Ig i can't say Greencia anymore it's Tynelope? and also Voit calling Luke out for being jealous in front of everyone????

Luke looking away from Penelope. BUT PENELOPE LOOKING OVER AT LUKE.

"I haven't thought about you at all" I mean i know it's a lie but it's funny

"Useful idiot" emily i love you

okay why tf is brian suddenly pretending not to know what Gold Star is

Luke back to his undercover rootsssss

ohhhhh this is gonna be the bomb we saw in the trailer isn't it (if it is then i am gonna get SO MANY DAMN FIC IDEAS from this ep)

yepppppp bomb!!

Forget Garvez, clearly the real ship this show is pushing is Luke x Bomb

Every time Penelope says "Luke" I get giddy

Penelope (slighly panicky) walking her bf through the bomb situation so he doesn't die

Penelope calling him "Luke" but Luke calling her "Garcia" is SO personal to me

Penelope that is a VERY happy smile (just tell that man you love him)

@lklvz you get gratuitous Luke saying "fuck" content and i hope it makes you smile

HAHA DAVE PUNCHING VOIT IN THE FACE

oh damn it all to hell, damien

"Teresa is in trouble" the FUCK?

tyler knows teresa??? or Penelope is teresa?

Luke following Penelope haha that's not a surprise

"I don't want to be alone tonight" FUCK YOU, REBECCA

NOOOOO TARA NOOOOO DON'T GO BACK TO HER

More emily smoking!!

EMILY CRYING AND ROSSI HOLDING HER 😭😭

guys that was SO GOOD

one of the best eps so far

[crushedsweets]

im literally dying (i have covid again) which has inspired me to ask:: which creeps do u think r the most dramatic when they r ill

- 🌙

omg. . OK. I GOT THIS. also pls feel better n take care of urself. most- BEN (ghost virus or some shit idk) Jeff Dina/Judge angels Nina Brian Sally Liu Jack Jane Lulu Ann Sadie Kate Natalie Tim Toby -least short explanations under the cut. ill organize it by overreaction, normal reaction, and underreaction.

overreacts: BEN, Jeff, Dina, Nina. i'm just gonna say ben can get computer viruses that just create nausea and feelings of fatigue, but he'd be so annoying about it. "ohhh...the ache, you wouldn't get it..this is worse for ghosts... no other ghost gets sick, but im different, and it hurtsss..ohhhh..... ahhhggh..." Jeff's also dramatic but more like he's lazy and will tell people to do things for him bc "im sick" and then cough and sneeze hella fucking loud to prove it. dina and nina are similar to jeff, they're both whining and laying in bed asking people to get stuff, but they're not gonna be begging or demanding.. mostly. reacts normally: Brian, Sally, Liu, Jack, Jane, Lulu, Ann idk how to describe this. they literally just rest, take their medicine, etc. brian would probably bitch about it more, sally would refuse medicine(when she was alive), but i wouldn't say any are that dramatic. underreacts: Sadie, Kate, Toby, Natalie, Tim Sadie(when she was alive) and Kate just have zero care for themselves. Sadie will take a painkiller and move on, and Kate would like. rest in the mines on a dirty mattress toby dragged over. drink some water, but cope otherwise. natalie got sick all the fucking time as a kid, all the time cuz her home was filthy and she was always eating fuckin dirt, but now her immune system is really strong so she doesnt feel too sick all the time. she was raised to 'man up' about it. same with tim, thinks he shouldnt 'act like a pussy' even if its awful pain. he'll cough a lung out and then b like "ok work time" LOL . Toby doesn't usually realize when he's sick, cuz he can't feel the fevers or stomach/headaches, but if he does notice..he still doesnt care. he'll like, go to sleep in boxers+shirtless to avoid overheating since he can't sweat either, but he doesnt really do much otherwise

[going-dead]

Horses not Unicorns

Prompt by @eyesofcrows : in some hospitals, CPR is done to a patient despite them being declared dead on arrival. This is a courtesy to the family. The doctor doesn't expect the scream when they lay down the defibrillator paddles on the boy's chest.

Dr. Cecelia Martinez had worked as an ED doctor for longer than some of the nurses under her had even been alive. She saw more gruesome scenes in one week than most people would in their entire lives if they were lucky. She would even say she’d seen it all if she wanted to be stupid and jinx herself.

She took one of the coffees out of the cup carrier in her hands and placed it in front of Lily, the nurse on shift with her. “Your cream with a dash of coffee.” 

“Thanks Martinez. And stop ragging on me about how much cream I put in my coffee, it tastes good.” Lily nodded her head not taking her eyes off of the computer screen in front of her. She was finishing up the chart notes for the last patient who’d came in and reviewing the work of their med student.. 

“Anything for you. Lord knows I wouldn’t last a week without you here. But never, it’s an affront to caffeine. I didn’t consume gallons of the stuff back in school, or on these night shifts just for you blaspheming it like you do. Look at it, it’s lighter than a person dying of blood loss.” Dr. Martinez took the other cup out of the holder and handed it to the medical student shadowing her for the next few weeks, Brian. 

Or well he was supposed to. Not many of the students just starting their rotations make it long in the emergency department, especially if it was one of their first rotations, even less come back to work there when they graduate. The kid only started the night before so she hadn’t had much of a time to get a grasp on what he was made of. 

“Thank you Dr. Martinez.” Brian gave her a small smile as she took a seat. “Can I ask a question?”

“That’s why you’re here isn’t it? And drop the title stuff, if you won’t call me Cecelia you can at least call me Martinez.” She looked Brian up and down, he was either restless or nervous, or perhaps both , with how he tapped his finger and his leg hadn’t stopped moving up and down.

“Uh okay. It’s just I was wondering, we’ve hardly seen any patients come in. Is it always this slow?” Brian asked.

“God damn it Brian!” Lily shouted, startling the poor med student.

“What? Did I do something wrong when charting?” His eyes widened. 

Dr. Martinez wouldn’t deny it had been…less than busy. It was already four in the morning and the most interesting thing they had seen that night was someone coming in for back pain because they pulled a muscle. A quick lidocaine patch and he was on his way. Of course now that Brian had challenged fate, there was very little chance the night would continue on with such ease. “You spoke words never to be spoken in a hospital setting. The forbidden ‘s’ word.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think medical professionals would be so superstitious.”

“Not superstition if it’s true.” Lily huffed, she had already downed her coffee in preparation. Dr. Martinez quickly followed suit. 

Almost on cue one of the triage nurses burst through the doors as the intercom spoke out overhead. “Code blue, pediatric male, ED waiting room.”

Dr. Martinez swore jumping up from her seat. “Lily get the crash room prepared and get peds down here. Brian with me.” She followed the triage nurse into the waiting room not giving the student time to catch up with her. 

Who the patient was, was obvious. Even if there wasn’t a nurse actively transferring him into a gurney. He was the only person under the age of thirty in the waiting room. 

Dr. Martinez turned to the man hovering near the child. “You dad?”

The man shook his head. “Teacher, William Lancer, we’re on a school trip one of the students noticed he wasn’t breathing in his sleep, and well-can you help him.” 

“We’ll do the best we can. Do you know of any health conditions, allergies, medications?” She questioned.

William Lancer shook his head. “No. Danny’s perfectly healthy for a kid his age, despite being on the smaller side.”

He was correct about him being on the smaller side of his age group, looking at him, she would’ve said he was fifteen at most, not seventeen. Dr. Martinez followed the nurses to the crash room. They had already started to put the leads of the AED onto the patient when she walked in. 

The likelihood of the kid making it was slim to none. Even if he did the effect of his brain not having oxygen for so long. She was aware of that. If he hadn’t been breathing since he was found and then the whole trip to the hospital…Well it was her job to at least try. 

Brian was just standing and staring at the body infront of them as Dr. Martinez started an IV line letting the nurses start to bag the patient and the others finished up with the AED preparations. “Brian get moving or get out of the way.”

“He’s just a kid.” He stared.

“No pulse, Starting compressions!” A nurse called out.

Brian flinched at the sound of ribs breaking under the strain of chest compressions. “Someone get the student out of here.” She yelled.

That snapped him out of his stupor. “No I can do this, what do you want me to do?”

“Take over the bagging.” She instructed, it was probably one of the simpler tasks she could give him, as long as he didn’t pop the patients' lung. 

She heard the AED speak up, still no pulse, still no, shockable rhythm. “Administering epinephrine.” 

They continued like that for five more minutes, staff switching out doing compressions or bagging. Passing medications. But they all knew the chances.

Or they thought they did.

“We got a new reading!” Lily shouted.

Dr. Martinez looked over at the EKG reading. “He’s in V-fib, get the AED ready to shock.” 

The staff waited on bated breath as they let the AED examine the patient’s heart rhythm. “Shock advised. Charging. Stand clear. Press the flashing button to deliver shock.”

“Clear?” Dr. Martinez made eye contact with each person standing around the patient. A chorus of clears rang out in response. 

“Clear!” Dr. Martinez did a final call before she pressed the button to deliver the shock.

Cardiac arrests were not an uncommon sight in the emergency department. She’d see plenty more by the time she hit retirement. But it was usually older people, people who’d lived at least a somewhat long life. No matter how many times a child or even a young adult came into the ED like this it was hard on everyone involved. She always tried longer on kids. Despite knowing the very slim chance of them being revived. The chances were practically zero here. She mourned the fact that this was Brian’s first cardiac arrest with them. There was no chance any reasonable person would stay after this.

It wasn’t her first to wouldn’t be her last, but just like the others and the ones to come Cecelia Martinez knew she would never forget his face.

Especially since he did something frankly impossible for someone who had just received CPR and an electric shock. He sat up and screamed.

It was only years of experience that Dr. Martinez was able to dodge the kick sent her way. Brian was not so lucky getting clocked in the face with a fist. 

“Hey, hey, hey. You need to lay down. You’re in the hospital, your teacher says you stopped breathing and you went into cardiac arrest. Can you tell me your name, do you remember where you were last? Or the date?” Dr. Martinez asked placing herself directly into the teenager's line of sight. 

He placed a hand on his chest and took a slow deep breath. Something that had to be incredibly painful with broken ribs. “Huh, I-yeah. Danny Fenton. I was in my hotel room. It’s March 27th. Did you electrocute me?”

No obvious damage to neurological function. He got the date wrong but only by four hours, it was the 28th now. “Yes Danny, we did have to shock you. We’re going to have to run quite a few tests to make sure everything is working okay now.” And to see how he was even talking.

“Oh, no I’m okay.” Danny looked back where Brian was holding his shoulder where he was punched, and winced. “Shit, sorry dude are you alright?”

“How about you all go chart, or help Brian get ice or something for his shoulder. Lily let his teacher know he’s joined us back in the land of the living.” Dr. Martinez not so kindly giving them all the hint to get out.

Danny tried to hide a laugh in a cough. An interesting reaction for someone who had briefly died. “Young man I don’t think you realize what you just went through. I understand you are most likely in shock but you need to understand the gravity of the situation. Healthy kids do not just suddenly stop breathing, and we need to understand why.”

“It’s not a big deal, I promise. I just have sleep apnea.” Danny explained.

“Your heart stopped.” Dr. Martinez deadpanned. 

“It’s a very serious condition.” Danny nodded his head like he was agreeing with her. 

There was a knock on the door, opening just a moment after. Lily brining in Danny’s teacher. “War and Peace, Danny are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“No he is not” Dr. Martinez said at the same time. “We had to perform CPR. We’ll have to do tests to make sure everything has resumed functioning as normal as they can, as well as an x-ray to assess the damage to his ribs.” 

“Of course. I have gotten in contact with his older sister and she is on the way, she should be here in a few hours. His parents are currently unavailable.” William Lancer explained.

“Jazz is coming?” Danny groaned. The most negative emotion he had displayed since he’d gotten here. “And hours? As in multiple? I don’t want to be here that long.”

“You’ll be here a few days minimum for observation.” Dr. Martinez said.

The boy flopped back onto the gurney with much more aggressiveness than he should have with what he just went through. “I don’t like hospitals.”

Dr. Martinez sighed. “Not may people do, doctors can be intimidating sometimes. White coat syndrome isn’t abnormal.”

Danny wrinkled his nose. “I don’t care about doctors. It’s too loud here, there’s too much death.” 

It was quiet in the room, she wasn’t sure what he was talking about. 

“I can leave the sooner I get those tests done right?” He asked.

“As long as everything is normal.” Dr. Martinez nodded. They wouldn’t be, they couldn’t be. 

“As long as it’s all normal.” Danny repeated “Alright let’s get started.”

Dr. Martinez was reading the x-ray and other test results when Danny’s older sister arrived. She double-checked the results and viewed the images dozens of times. 

Barring the traces of epinephrine still in his system, all the tests were completely normal. His ribs weren’t even broken. 

But that wasn’t possible. She heard the bones break. 

The best course of action she supposed was to talk to Danny and his sister. She made her way to the room they moved him to. She seemed to enter the middle of a conversation. 

“I swear when I get my hands on him. He traps me in the middle of a dream and then I’m waking up thinking I’m dying again. And now they’re trying to keep me here for no reason!” 

“I mean, technically in their eyes you did die. It’s a valid concern.”

“Still don’t see why it’s such a big deal though, I’m fine.”

“Normal people don’t recover that fast Danny. It of course would raise some questions.”

“How was I supposed to know how quick people recover from dying?”

“Common sense, I’d assume.” “Ugh. When do mom and dad get back?”

“Few days, you’re still stuck with me until then. Lucky for you in this situation. They’d have a lot more questions.”

Dr. Martinez opened the door fully making her presence known. “You must be Jazz. I’m Danny’s doctor, Dr. Martinez.” 

“Nice to meet you Dr. Martinez. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” Jazz smiled shaking her hand.

“Well he certainly gave us quite the fright. It’s not often people come back from a cardiac arrest punching.” More like they never did.

“Well he’s always liked to exceed expectations.” Jazz nodded..“Do you have the discharge paperwork?”

“Discharge?” Danny’s teacher had said Jazz was one of the most responsible people he knew despite her younger age. And she wanted to discharge her brother? “Miss Fenton discharging him so soon-”

“Is well within my rights as his temporary legal guardian while our parents are unavailable.”

Dr. Martinez refrained from sighing. “And where exactly are your parents?”

“Out of the country at the moment.” Danny supplied. “Work trip.”

“I see. Regardless I can’t just let you leave just hours after you went into cardiac arrest.”

“Did my tests come back wrong?” He asked.

‘No, your tests came back completely normal.” 

“Then I don’t see why I can't leave?”

“That is exactly why you can’t leave. We don’t even know what caused this.” She would rather have him stay voluntarily than try to chance getting a court order.

“I do know though.”

“You know?” Dr. Martinez found that hard to believe. “Why would that be?”

“Ghosts.”

“Ghosts?”

“That’s what I said.” Danny nodded.

Court order it was. “I’m going to step out and talk to your teacher. Please remain here.”

She stepped out the door. Finding William Lancer was not difficult, he was in the chair right outside the door. “Sir, may I ask you a question?”

He stood up. “Yes of course. Is everything alright?”

“Unusually enough, yes. But it has more to do with something Danny mentioned about the reason for his episode.” She rubbed at her temple. “He said it was because of and I quote ‘ghosts’.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. So you see why it wouldn’t be a good idea to let him leave.”

 “I thought they wouldn’t be a problem so far from Amity Park.”

“What?”

“We didn’t bring any anti-ghost equipment for that reason. Obviously that was a major oversight on me and the rest of the schools staff on this trip.”

She was starting to think perhaps school was a code word for cult. Or maybe wherever they were from had some serious chemical leaks going on. “Could you please just talk to the two of them and try to convince them not to leave? I do not think it would be a good idea to let him go so soon.”

“Oh definitely. Even if it is ghosts that’s not something we can let go without making sure he is okay.” He nodded and went to open the door.

“Great Gatsby, not again.” William Lancer sighed as he entered the room.

“What? What is it?” Dr. Martinez asked pushing past him. Had Danny collapsed? 

Danny had not collapsed, in fact Danny was no longer in the room. No one was. 

But she had been standing next to the door the entire time. There was no way they could have left without her noticing. “Where did they go?”

“Back home, probably. Or well on their way there, I’d assume.” 

“But how did they leave, we were standing infront of the door.”

He just gave a tired shrug. “It’s not the first time he’s disappeared with no feasible way to. Happens more and more by the year I swear. He wasn’t nearly this bad at fourteen. Still a handful, just a different way. But if he’s feeling well enough to sneak out there's not much I can do.” 

“Do you think that their behavior is possibly linked to their parents?” They had mentioned that their parents were out of the country on a business trip. Perhaps they were taught to mistrust hospital staff by their parents out of fear of social workers.

“The whole family is strange, their parents are scientists to put simply. But not in the way you’re thinking. They’re just strange in a city full of strange people and strange things. If that is all, I do need to return to the rest of my students. Have a good night, or well a good morning I suppose.” He gave her a smile before walking off.

Dr. Martinez walked back towards her office thoughts cluttered. Ghosts, a perfectly healthy teenage boy’s heart stopping. The way he acted it was less that the shock reset his heart rhythm and more like it simply surprised him enough that his functions resumed their normal activities. His ribs broke, then they weren’t. He had no side effects from being shocked, let alone from going so long with no oxygen going to his brain. No one who knew him seemed to think the things going on were weird. Simply another day. 

Brian was sitting in the extra chair in her office. He looked up at the sound of her entering. “How’s the patient?”

“Gone.” 

“Gone? How?”

“Not sure, actually.” Dr. Martinez had seen almost everything as an ED doctor. Whatever just happened was a brand-new experience. “And it seems like I’m not paid nearly enough to figure it out. After today, I don’t blame you if you want to end your rotation early.”

“No! I want to stay.” Brian stood up.

“Really? Why?” Cardiac arrests weren’t easy on new students, kids were even worse.

“I’ve never seen or even heard about someone being this healthy and aware after CPR. It’s fascinating.  I want to see more things like that that challenges our understanding of medicine.” Brian said as he pointed the notes he was writing down in her face.

 Cecilia laughed. “You remember the phrase horses not zebras?”

Brian nodded his head. “Yeah of course. This was a zebra, right?”

Dr. Martinez shook her head. Once she finished charting she was going to forget about all of this, preferably with a strong drink when she got home. Too many unanswered questions and unexplainable events. Hell maybe it was ghosts.  “You’re never going to see something like this again. This was a god-damn unicorn.”

[felicitysmoaksx]

Some Kind of Haunted, Some Kind of Haunted.

“Okay Jubal,” Brian Lang folded his arms, looking at the assistant special agent in charge of the New York field office, “Why does my brother think the bureau took his girlfriend?” Instead of answering him, the other man turned to look at the blonde by Lang’s side. “What’s your interest in this Hailey?” “Sarah Reese is a friend, as is Connor, his brother.” They hadn’t let his twin brother go any farther than the glass wall you met before you entered the bullpen. But they had allowed her to continue in step with Lang. The woman mirrored Brian’s stance. “I had the contact so I thought I’d tag along as backup. So I called in a favor from O.A. Although I’m wondering why he sent his partner instead of coming himself.” “Because he’s not here. He’s searching for Sarah.” Jubal sighed before he bent over a computer. They heard him type, and then he flipped the screen so they could see an inactive agent file. Sarah Reese’s inactive agent file.  “She was one of ours a long long time ago. Deputy Director Estrellas actually recruited her straight out of high school.” Jubal Valentine told them. He stroked his chin and added, “Before she left the bureau to go to medical school, she was one of our most talented agents. We reinstated her to full credentials because an old case was being linked to a new overseas one.”  “Reese is always an overachiever. Of course, she’d be an agent and then decide to go to medical school and become a doctor.” Hailey’s tone was fond, if a little exasperated before she broke off and shook her head. Her arms were folded tighter around her. Like her arms were a shield and she was tightening them up to defend against blows that were about to come. Lang glanced up to see his face, worried and desperate for any kind of answers.  “She’s missing?” He questioned the older man quietly. When Jubal nodded, Brian’s grim expression deepened. This was just getting better and better, “For how long?” “At least twenty-four, working on forty-eight. The fly team from Budapest and O.A. is working on finding her.”   “What kind of case would pull her back in? She’s been inactive for over six years.” the police detective asked, shaking her head. “One of those cases that leaves you haunted when you think about it,” a new voice answered quietly. Lang looked up and saw a thin man with a sweater vest striding in and standing beside Jubal.  “Only in Sarah’s case. She thought this case was safely behind bars till they weren’t.” He added before he introduced himself, “Spencer Reid. BAU fly team unit. Sarah was a part of my unit and my partner for her last few years in the field.”

Or an excerpt from the One Chicago x Criminal Minds x CBS FBI International crossover moodboard that's lowkey been in my head for a while.

If you want to ask me about this universe or look at the playlist

[agendabymooner]

odds || pg10 fic

“I’m never giving up against all odds.”

pierre gasly x ofc (88rising!singer!ofc)

EXTENSION TO NEWSFLASH (SEQUEL OF) AND LOWKEY (PREQUEL OF)

Summary: Her songs told a story about how her courtship with Pierre Gasly went and ended in a happy note. OR their timing wasn't always right— that was what she thought as she continued to think that their situationship’s downfall would happen sooner or later. 

Content warning: Based on Niki’s EP, wanna take this downtown. No specific date is used for the release of her music. Use of explicit language, situationship scenarios, miscommunication, OFC being set up, Pierre being a dry texter, only uses a partner’s name (nothing too personal- just a passing comment), a bit angst but has a happy ending (?), indented texts are lyrics

Note: I’m not sure if my taglist would like to read this but I’m adding them into the list just in case :)) enjoy xx

a - n masterlist

o - z masterlist

if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out

This has got to be a joke. The universe fuckin’ hates my guts.  Remindin’ me ‘U’ and ‘I’ don’t spell ‘us.’

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Heeeey!!! My brain is soooo fried today and Brian decided to fuck up my computer. Now I’m just here doing nothing but hope that my dear tech works in the next hour. Sent at 10:21 PM

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): How r u??? I hope you’re not training too hard and you’re hydrating :) Sent at 10:25 PM

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Good morning, Ens. Have 2 train sadly ttyl ;) Sent at 8:31 AM

Well wasn’t that fucking sad, Ensley huffed out quietly to herself as she wished to throw her phone against the wall. They’ve been in what… two dates?

Well, two in-person dates and three unofficial FaceTime dates with shitty takeouts in front of them. Not that she counted; she could have sworn she did not like him that much. 

She wasn’t sure who she was lying to more, though. But just as she continued to deny that she hadn’t looked at her phone every thirty seconds, she was feeling more pathetic. 

What was it about men and why did she continue to give them all a chance? All they do was fuck it up and Ensley was going insane at the thought that the cycle of being with the shittiest men ever wasn’t broken. 

“All I know is suddenly without you, the bed feels too big… That’s good. Good job Henny.”

“Trying to find where your head is but I’m losing myself in the process— no wait, tryna,” she muttered to herself before scratching out the first word of her chorus. 

She thought that songwriting was a way to distract herself from the Pierre fiasco. Everyone said so, as well. They thought that if she kept her head straight she’d be able to think of inspiration and clearly they were right. 

Her friends, Brian and Joji, were laughing at the fact that the said inspiration was the same person they tried to distract her from. 

Pierre Gasly. The man who continued to travel as the Formula One season went on while Ensley remained in Los Angeles. Pierre was the man that the Indonesian woman had been thinking about day after day, his charming personality filling that empty space in her head after he asked if she’d be more than willing to take their relationship to the next level. 

He did warn her about his busy schedule, which Ensley was grateful for. What he hadn’t told her, though, was that he’d eventually drive her insane because of the lack of texts he’d send as time went on— all thanks to his schedule. 

The first month of their situationship was great. He managed to call her and asked if she had supper or whatever meal it was she had to eat in her time zone. He’d often eat his food just as she’d munch on whatever she had that day— sharing conversations while they took a break from whatever the fuck they were doing. 

Hell, Ensley also managed to take the international railways to Rome to meet with him. They were getting along so well that she cuddled with him in his bed twice. 

But in the second month? Fuck, she wasn’t sure anymore. Perhaps it was because it’s the last month of the racing season and everybody’s scrambling to make their way up to the World Driver’s Championship rankings— that included the Frenchman. 

She could understand how busy it is for Pierre and she did what she could to not hover around him. But she was missing him terribly— him and his sex jokes and his never ending storytelling. What could she do? Nothing. She didn’t have any form of label but a situationship with him. 

“You come see me only when I ask first. When you kiss me— do you wish it were her?” 

“—That’s bullshit,” Brian exclaimed as he stood by the oven of Ensley’s open kitchen. Ensley glared at him, and her friend (Brian’s girlfriend) Vanntey smacked him lightly as a warning. Brian gave his girlfriend a questioning look and stated, “Boy Baguette didn’t even kiss her yet! Henny, don’t put that in if this song is about Pierre. That’s just full on delusional.”

“Who says it’s about him?” Vanntey asked with a scoff before telling Ensley, “Henny— your song, not Brian’s. Do whatever the hell you want.”

“At least someone’s sensible enough,” Ensley murmured before turning back to her notepad. Her Twitter notification, one that she intentionally left opened, made a noise as she glanced down at the “related tweet” notification. The post and the responses that came with it were… baffling to say the least.

We share different postal codes Maybe that’s why I never got the memo; She’s the real deal, and I was just a pretty demo.

ensleygaslysoz: y’all— pierre’s ex was at the paddock today 😭😭

peargaslit: nooooo~ YOU CANNOT SAY THAT!!! IM ROOTING FOR HIM AND HENNY!!! 

misskikagasly: ok but they were cute as hell b4 tho 🫠 no h8 to ensley but kika was the shit and i think they should get back together

Ensley’s shoulders slumped at the comments. God’s timing was always wrong, and she’s never hated anything more than the fact that she was actually besotted and in love with Pierre Gasly.

And chances are that he was just waffling about taking their relationship to another level. Men lied to Ensley endlessly, and if she didn’t know any better— she would’ve fallen harder than she did with him. 

And yet my world remains the whole of you to this day. Doesn’t matter what my location says. I’m always tryna get to you.

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Are you going to be in London sometime soon? I will be back in Milan and I’d like to stay in with you :) Text me when you get this Sent at 12:31 AM

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Can’t. Sorry— Still in the process of producing an EP :) looking forward to chatting soon Sent at 12:32 AM

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Likewise. Sent at 2:01 AM

When I'm there, you're not You're here, I'm caught up with my job And your clingy ex comes back a lot Then she leaves and you shoot your shot  But there's someone new I've got

The 88rising studio was where she stayed most of the time now. With the record label releasing an album with their artists, Ensley’s time was taken up by her work as she continued to produce four songs with them. 

That and her own EP took up her entire schedule, thus furthering her communication line with the Alpine driver. 

So much for a good situationship. 

“You wrote this song, Hen,” Isaac — one of the songwriters — told her with a shrug, “he lives in Milan, right? Instead of, I mean, Manhattan’s nice, why don’t you put, Milan is nice?” 

“They have good sunsets in NY,” she murmured quietly. “Look— let’s not talk about him. He’s got his business— this is mine.”

“Your EP so far shows that you’re writing about him,” Isaac replied. “By the way, you’ve got one more to write if you want to have four tracks.” 

“Eventually,” Ensley responded with a wave, her shoulders sagging before her sight moved from the screen of her laptop to the door that swung open. 

Brian walked in with a shit-eating grin, he was followed by Jackson Wang who carried, Ensley could’ve sworn, the biggest bouquet that could’ve ever existed. And just as Jackson walked towards her with a huge smile, her eyes scanned the set and the white card that contrasted with it. 

Dahlias and daisies. She never even mentioned it to anyone before.

Then she remembered a conversation she had about flower markets. She loved Los Angeles, but she couldn’t help but swoon over those Pinterest boards full of flower markets in Italy. 

She tried to romanticize her life in the UK before, but when she flew out to Milan once to see the beauty of it? Nothing could compare to Italy. She remembered telling Pierre that— how she’d kill to have the prettiest flowers in her flat that came straight from the market. 

“What kind of flowers do you like, then?” Pierre asked, amused at the sight of her swooning as she continued to squeal at the photo. 

“If I were to get my photos taken like this? Ugh,” Ensley grinned from ear to ear, “daisies? There’s just something about daisies that makes me think of I dunno… summer? I love the sun— I’m sure you can understand that. You live in Milan.”

“I do.”

“And what else? Huh… Dahlia!” Ensley exclaimed. “It’s just a nice name, no?” 

“I agree,” Pierre said thoughtfully before repeating the word, “dahlia, dahlia, dahlia… It’s a pretty name, indeed.” 

À la plus jolie fille, was intricately written on the envelope as her stomach fluttered at the name. He always called her that for whatever reason, and she eventually learned why. 

“Pretty girl,” Ensley translated the writing as she thanked Jackson, holding the bouquet before placing it down on the table. Her hand eventually grabbed onto the card and pulled out the letter. She didn’t care about her friends as they watched her expectantly. 

Her eyes remained on the letter. 

“My Collette,

This is not bought to make up for my absence, but to remind you that you are as cherished as the bright flowers in this bouquet. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, ma jolie fille.

While I cannot speak to you, I’ll continue to think about you.

XO,

Your Linguini.”

“Your— your Linguini?!” Jackson gasped from behind her, making her turn around as she watched Brian wheeze in laughter. 

The glare that she gave the two left Jackson to shut his mouth and Brian to continue his teasing. Regardless of what the singer just watched, Jackson shook himself out of his thoughts and asked, “Are you gonna text him?” 

But she already did. Long before Jackson could even comment. 

Her eyes scanned on the text message she sent Pierre, knowing full well that he wouldn’t text back a minute or so later.

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): They’re the prettiest. Thank you, Remy ❤️ Sent at 3:21 PM.

'Cause I know you've got somebody My friends say I could have anybody now that I'm somebody But I don't care if I'm nobody to you, oh

She sighed, not knowing if it was out of contention or sadness. All she was getting from him so far was mixed messages, with him having his ex in the paddock and sending the flowers.

He seemed to be happy to be around his ex, and she was still nobody to him but some person he wasn’t really in a relationship with. 

Maybe she should try to shift her attention away from him. Maybe she wouldn’t think a lot about him that way. 

And that was what she did. She stayed in London for a week or so after her other single with 88rising, La La Lost You, was released. She hung out with Will Lenney and his mates. 

She found herself sitting between Harry Lewis (or Wroetoshaw for those he didn’t know well) and Becky James. Harry was newly single and everyone tried to set him up with anyone with a pair of boobs; Ensley was sadly the newest target of their interest. 

But between the two of them, Ensley and Harry’s “not so friendly” interactions were nothing but banters. They wouldn’t hesitate to tell each other that they’d kiss each other on the mouth but they wouldn’t dare let their jokes go as far as touching each other with a ten-foot pole.

Regardless, everyone tried to root for them and getting too drunk meant trouble. Everyone saw what they wanted to see, immediately pulling their phones out to make a post or more about the two as Ensley and Harry cuddled up in the booth. 

“Why do you let the bloody idiot win, Ens?” Harry whined against the ear of the singer, ranting about Pierre as the Guernsey man continued, “I saw the tweets you know? You’re as much of a somebody as he is— don’t let the bloody cunt ruin your life.” 

“Too late, Harold,” Ensley slurred, sipping on her third sangria of the night. She and Harry didn’t even notice Becky nor their other friend Callum recording their interaction in the background, for the two of them were busy bitching to each other. “He’s ruined me- as in ruined me the moment I went to the bloody Grand Prix in Singapore. In a good way though!” 

“Ruin you in a good way,” Harry scoffed, his hand rubbing her back for comfort as he continued, “You’re writing about him. Your fuckin’ EP is all about him— it’s only reserved for those bastards who broke your heart obviously he’s one of them!” 

“No, they’re really not,” Ensley snorted, “my songs are not all about heartbreak nor friends with benefits I fall in love with.”

“Then name one song about loving then.” 

I know it's pathetic but I couldn't care less I'd wait until the stars uncross and say yes I'll always try to get you

Silence.

Harry’s drunken state continued to be a factor in his calling out as he raised a brow, “See? You’re a bad fucking liar, Ensley. You love him and you’re yearning— I can see it on your bloody face. So now you’re writing about how much he’s letting you down.”

She pouted in annoyance and slumped against his chest. Pierre didn’t even know how much she yearned for him. At the wrong time, while you’re at it. But she didn’t care. 

It’s been nearly a week since they last spoke, and their messages consist of nothing but dry responses and simple check-ins. Was it to ensure that the hope for a successful relationship remains intact or to actually make sure that they still had each other to talk to and that they hadn’t gone and talked to other people? Ensley wasn’t sure. 

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): What are we? Like… really?

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Whatever you would like us to be. And hello too?

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Hi. And really? We kept on saying that we’d be making plans but they never happened. It’s like I dunno. We’re avoiding each other because we’re always busy. 

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): I know I have to make the effort to come by sometimes, but then… How would you even the odds? I really don’t make an excuse when it comes to heading to London just to take the railways and see you.

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): I’m not even mad. I’m just saying that my time and heart are yours should they be available. Break my heart as much as you’d like but try to even out these odds— without girls trying to waste your time and mine.

The next day she had woken up with an infuriating headache. Thanks to the sangrias she had and Sambuca shots she was handed, she wasn’t able to get in touch with Pierre as early as she could.

She could, however, strangle Will and the rest of their group for posting those cutesy pictures of herself and Harry while the pair were chatting shit about whatever. Everyone now thought that they were seeing each other. 

“WroetoSoleil? Harry, I'm begging you to bag her already!!!” Said one tweet. 

“This is a sign that the friends-to-lovers trope is real.” 

“Pierre, where you at? Ensley’s being won over by W2S now!” 

“I still have some faith in Pierre and Ensley, tbh.” 

And to be honest, Ensley was still faithful to the two of them too. It’s only a matter of time before she begins to shift to someone else if neither of them makes a move. 

Well… she already made hers. It was his game to play now.

She tried to get on with her day after getting too drunk with her friend’s mates. Her flat in London was surprisingly less than dusty despite being untouched for a while. She supposed that’s what happened when she allowed Will and the other lots to occupy her place whilst she lived in LA. 

Then her attention diverted to her notes, writing down lyrics as she sipped on her homemade tea. 

She hadn’t even realized that she had Pierre muted — out of annoyance — until her phone began to go off. She peered down only to see an unknown number FaceTiming her. 

But it said Monaco at the bottom of the number. She could assume that…

“W- oi! Hello!” 

Never in my damn favour I don’t want you for later Never was much of a waiter.

She was right. It was Lando and a certain Monegasque. This number was Charles Leclerc’s and she was subjected to some bullshit that they were up to. 

“I’m ending the call—“

“Wait- no! Henny, don’t! We have to talk,” Charles started. They weren’t even close yet he called her Henny. Whatever he was trying to say, he was desperate to get it out before she could end her call. 

She sat her phone on the coffee table and crossed her arms, watching the two men scramble as they both sat down.

“We heard about what happened with you and Pierre,” Lando started. “Like how you two haven’t spoken properly and all that…?”

Ensley stared back at them, making the two sigh. They wouldn’t be able to get something out of her and so Charles went on, “He saw that picture and video of you and that guy… What's his name— Harry? Yeah, he saw it and he’s basically just… pouting and all that.”

“Long story short, there’s a lot of miscommunication going on between the two of you,” Lando cut off the Monegasque. “I know you’d never date Harry and we all know that Pierre’s not seeing his ex. The two of you right now are misunderstanding each other— just talk, please. Both of you are sulking and we’re all sick of you two being lovesick and shit.”

“It’s not that easy, you bastard,” Ensley swore, flipping off Lando as she grumbled, “Every time I’m available, he isn’t. Whenever I’m not, he’s coming around asking me to travel to Italy as if I have the money to travel with. I’m not as well off as you guys— and clearly, he isn’t making the same effort as me!” 

“How? He’s sent you a lot of flowers,” Charles pointed out. Ensley smothered her face in the cushion and screamed before she turned back to look at her screen with a grim smile.

“You’ve obviously no concept of making an effort without using a material, and it shows,” Ensley snarked.

“It’s just… he’s never asked me if he can stay over in my flat in London before,” she sighed, “it’s always me who has to adjust. I do appreciate it but at the same time… what about me? What if I can’t make it there and he’s still available? Will it stay like that? Just me hoping for some miracle that he’d come by? It’s just… I don’t know. It’s just tiring having to work hard only to end up with nada.” 

Lando and Charles shared a worried look. Clearly, they didn’t understand her side of the story until now. It wasn’t as if she was painted as a bad person— they genuinely didn’t know how she and Pierre spoke and how the duo treated each other. 

“I’m just so ready to say, ‘Yes, be my boyfriend like I’m begging’ but he’s not there all the time for me to answer it!” Ensley exclaimed in frustration, crossing her arms in annoyance as she slumped against the couch. 

“French boy—“

“I’m Monegasque—“

“Monaco boy, tell your best friend that he’s a piece of shit for making me feel like this—“ Ensley said. “God I just want to see him but at the same time I don’t—!”

“Why?”

“Because I know he wouldn’t even these odds no matter how much he wants to,” Ensley chuckled humourlessly. “I don’t even know if he wants to.”

But I’d wait on you to drink you in

Lando almost glanced in front of them, only nodding along at Ensley’s rants. Meanwhile, Charles stared at Pierre with a raised brow. 

The Frenchman sighed silently. 

He really didn’t want to mess this chance up, but it was too bad some things didn’t like to go in his favour.

Even the odds, indeed.

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Hello mon amour, are you still in London? Sent at 8:21 AM.

To Pesky Pierre: Yes… why? Sent at 8:22 AM.

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Are you off to somewhere else today? Sent at 8:22 AM.

To Pesky Pierre (Respectful): I— why are you being so cryptic? But no, I’m just staying in. 8:23 AM.

From Pesky Pierre (Respectful): Okay. See you in half an hour :)

When I'm there you should, I don't know, like, call up your boss Probably take the day off Maybe we could change the odds!

Ensley Zara Soleil was never the one for surprises. She loathed them so bad. 

But if surprises came in the form of an Alpine driver often then she was willing to welcome it with open arms. Pierre Gasly stood in front of her flat with a bouquet of dahlias and daisies in hand, his smile brightening her day immediately as Ensley smiled like a fool. 

She’s never felt this great over a man for a long time.

“I’m here to even the odds,” Pierre told her with a grin before it fell into a serious expression as he said, “I’m really sorry if I haven’t tried to do it before. I was the one who pursued you first and I should’ve tried harder—“

“Shh…”

“Pardon?” Pierre gave Ensley a puzzled look. 

And rather than telling to shush once more, Ensley gave him a wide grin and took the bouquet from his hand. The confused look remained on Pierre’s face for a brief moment as she inhaled the scent of the flowers. 

“You’re here now, P,” Ensley told him. “I was wondering what you meant by your text but I’ve been expecting you… for a good while.”

Pierre’s confusion was replaced by a wide smile, pushing his shoulders back as he said, “So… where can I start?” 

Ensley smiled and stepped aside, allowing him to enter her flat as she said, “Come in and have a cuppa. We’ve got a lot of things to catch-up on.” 

Don't care how long it takes,  My heart is yours to break I'm never giving up against all odds

fin.

♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen @happy-nico

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (3)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby MC

Content/Warnings: Sexual humor, suggestive content, animal death, blood, slight angst, no Brian yay!, Winnie freaking out again, fluff,

Quick summary: Winnie gets Star out of the house after being cooped up since his arrival. Vampire hijinks ensue.

Chapter Two: Go Back

Chapter Three: Stay here.

Chapter Four: Lets fucking goooo!

Check out this silly recreation of the chapter in The Sims I did.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Hiding a secret pet from your parents was stressful enough, but hiding a whole grown ass man in your room would likely be a thousand times as nerve wracking.  Especially with a step douche who had a habit of barging into the room. Luckily for Winnie, her stepfather was never a quiet man, always stomping along the floor in thick combat boots. And her current stowaway was very perceptive. That still didn't cover all her issues. Winnie had searched all over Nexus Mods for that damn cheat mod she downloaded but could not find it again. It was as if the creator deleted it just after Astarion got out. To make matters worse the vampire was likely starting to get hungry. He'd been gazing at her more and more longingly each day since his escape from the computer. She'd need a way for feeding her guest which didn't involve anyone getting sucked flat like a caprisun. Of course she thought about offering him her own blood, but the idea honestly made her uneasy. In fantasy it was very appealing, having an extremely attractive and alluring man suck on your neck, what's not to like? There was the whole sharp teeth tearing into your flesh aspect, but in fantasy there was no pain, no need to worry about death. Just sweet sweet blissful fantasy. But that was not the case now.  In reality if Astarion were to sink his fangs into her neck he wouldn't need to drink all her blood to kill her. She'd probably bleed out from her jugular being punctured alone. 

Winnie stared over at him as he peeked out the window. Night had fallen and he didn't need to worry about the sun. At least not for a while. 

Winnie sighed, “I have no idea how I'm going to feed you if I'm honest.” 

“Since you're so keen on protecting our dear friend Brian I suppose that leaves me with having to go out and hunt for my next meal, well unless you'd be generous enough to offer me your lovely neck.” 

“I don't think that's a good idea, but I guess my arm might be okay…” Winnie lifted up her arm to look at it. 

“You love to take the fun out of things don’t you? But alright, I'm not about to turn down a willing meal.” Astarion's pupils practically dilated at the sight of the veins on Winnie’s arm. His mouth watering at the thought of her warm blood coating his throat and he couldn't help but lick his lips.

“Hold on! I didn't mean right this second!” Winnie hid her arm behind her back, her cheeks turning red at the hungry look he was giving her. 

“Such a tease.” Astarion huffed and crossed his arms.

“I had some things planned for tonight and I can't do them if my head is spinning from blood loss.”  Winnie said before searching through her closet.

She pulled out a large duffle bag and began to unzip it. Inside were some hoodies and other clothing. Grey and black T-shirts, some jeans and a pair of sneakers. “Here, these were my brother's, they’ll probably fit you.” Winnie said before tossing the bag onto the bed.

Astarion made a disgusted sound.

“These are so tasteless and drab!” 

“We’ll get you something more suitable to your tastes later. For now you need to be able to blend in.” Winnie explained. Astarion muttered something under his breath before he started removing his purple doublet and exposing his pale muscular chest. He was so perfect, so flawless. Winnie’s brain honestly turned off for a moment as the elf then proceeded to slide down his pants. Her eyes nearly entranced by a certain large shape in his drawers, her face turning bright red. 

“My eyes are up here, darling.~”Astarion purred, voice husky and soft. 

“A-Ah sorry! I should….” Winnie sputtered before scrambling off into the connecting bathroom. Astarion chuckled a bit, watching the flustered female dash out of the room. He couldn't help but find her rather adorable.  Winnie stood in the bathroom for a few moments, heart pounding as she pressed her back against the door. 

Oh God, why didn't I walk out sooner!?

“You can come out now, my dear.” Eventually Astarion's voice broke her from her thoughts. The human girl let out an exasperated sigh before opening the door and heading back in. The clothes were a little tight around his body, making his muscles quite visible through the light gray tee.  Winnie quickly grabbed a black hoodie and handed it to him. “Here, put this on.” She said, watching him slide the jacket on. Winnie zipped it up for him before leaning up on her tiptoes and  pulling the hood over his head.

“Hey! My hair!” He whined.

“I'll fix it for you later. Right now I don't want anyone gawking over your ears.”

“Why would anyone be doing that?” 

“Ah, right. You see, in this world there are no elves, no magic, no vampires….Just humans really.” Winnie rubbed the back of her head. 

“Really? Gods, how dull. Not that I mind being the only vampire around. That actually sounds rather delightful.” Astarion smirked a bit. 

“Please don't get in any world domination ideas. Just because there aren't any vampires doesn't mean there aren't people who can tear you a new one.” Winnie sighed before peeking out the door into the hall. “Okay, they're asleep. Now come on.” Winnie said quietly.

“Where are we going?” Astarion whispered, slowly following Winnie as they tiptoed out of the house. 

“We're heading out to town. It's probably a good idea for you to get acquainted with the area just in  case something bad happens.” Winnie explained, “plus I feel bad about keeping you locked up in my room for days.” She then took out her cellphone and shook it, causing the flashlight to turn on.

“I thought you said, you didn't have magic here.” 

“We don't. This my fanged friend is technology. It’s a machine mostly for talking to people far away, but also does a bunch of other stuff.” Winnie used her phone to navigate in the dark as they began walking down across her driveway. Winnie’s neighborhood was quiet, each of the houses were fairly spaced out with plenty of trees and brush littering the terrain.  Parked in the yard near her family’s cars was a purple motorcycle. 

“Oh, and this is my trusty steed! Or well it's basically my personal source of transportation. Think of it like a horse but made of metal. To make it even better this won't decide to turn around and bite you!” Winnie said with a smile.

“As wonderful as that sounds. I'm not quite sure about climbing onto some strange metal contraption.” 

“Well…If you'd rather walk….” Winnie said in a sing-songy tone, putting her phone into her pocket.

“Nevermind! Let's go!” 

Winnie climbed on the bike, her hands gripping the handles as she glanced over at Astarion. He looked the vehicle over curiously, nearly jumping up in the air when the girl turned on the engine. 

“Come on!” Winnie said.  Hesitantly he climbed on and immediately clung to Winnie, arms wrapped around her plush waist. 

“Oh, this is rather intimate.~” Astarion took the opportunity to nuzzle his face into her neck, growing a bit more comfortable as he held onto her soft form. Winnie immediately turned bright red, a shiver going down her spine.  She didn't really think this through did she? 

Focus! Do not let the incredibly sexy vampire elf hugging your back cause you to have a crash! 

We are not dying because of horniniess goddamnit!

Winnie mentally scolded herself as she drove off. Not that she disliked his attentions, mind you. She was just very easily flustered, never having been in any kind of romantic relationship, physical or otherwise.  Astarion sighed into her neck, The smell of lavender and cherry blossoms mixed with the delectable scent of her blood was absolutely heavenly.  It took all he had to resist the urge to sink his fangs into her neck and gorge himself on her blood.

Winnie kept her eyes on the road, the headlights of her motorcycle illuminated the street as they zoomed down it.  There weren't too many cars on the road so Winnie could be thankful for that. 

They rode away from the suburbs where Winnie’s home resided, eventually until coming towards a small shop just outside of the city. A large sign that read ‘CornerStore’ sat atop the building and illuminated the parking lot.

“This is where I work.” Winnie said as she turned into the parking lot. She parked up front in her usual spot before turning off the engine and hopping off. 

“Well this seems like a cozy little shop.” Astarion said, getting off. “What exactly could you precure here?” 

“Mostly snacks. Some hygiene products and other things. Just stuff you need around your home really.” Winnie said, leaning up on her toes to fix his hoodie before leading him inside. 

Winnie looked around the shop, thinking about anything she could get which would be useful for her new guest to have in the future. She couldn't get too much however. She only had so much room in the little trunk she had on her motorcycle. 

Bandages would be a good idea, shampoo…. Though he'd likely complain if it was some kind of cheap smelling stuff….

Astarion looked over Winnie as she scanned around the store. His tongue flicked over his fangs as he couldn't help but stare at her jugular. The gnawing pain in his stomach was crying out, demanding to be sated. He backed up as Winnie became engrossed in the products that decorated the shelves. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a small creature outside the shop. Almost cat-like, but with a longer snout, a ringed tail and tiny black hands.  The creature appeared to be picking around in the trash outside. Not his first choice, but it had to at least be better than a rat.

Winnie kept looking through some hygiene products, wondering what her fanged friend would need when suddenly she heard what sounded like an angry raccoon. She quickly whipped her head around, heart nearly stopping when she noticed Astarion was gone. 

Quickly she rushed outside and glanced over to see a dead raccoon fall to the ground. Astarion stood over it, blood dripping down his chin. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Winnie whisper-shouted. 

“I was hungry…” Astarion shrugged, looking at her with round innocent eyes, mouth still covered in blood. Winnie grimaced, kicking the dead raccoon off to the side and out of sight before grabbing hold of Astarion and dragging him off. She pulled him into the store before making a beeline for the bathroom. She dragged him inside and slammed the door. 

The young woman pinched the bride of her nose, on the verge of tearing her hair out.  

“Please…Just please….Can you not do any vampire shit out where people can see you!?” Winnie said.

“No one was even around to see me. Sweetie, you worry far too much.” Astarion said, making a sassy hand gesture. Winnie crossed her arms and huffed, her eyebrow twitching.  She turned before grabbing some paper towels and wetting them. 

“You have to understand.” Winnie said calmly, “if people find out you're a vampire they'll probably try to kill you or worse cut you open and try to find out what makes you tick. Just please be careful.” She wiped the blood off his face before crumbling up the towels and burying them in the bottom of the trashcan. Astarion crossed his arms and stepped closer to her.

“I am a master of stealth, my dear. And if you expect me to just wait about for my next meal while you flaunt around that delicious neck of yours, I might not be able to control myself for long.” He said, running a clawed finger over her jugular making her shiver. His voice was playful, a bit flirty even, but the warning was still very clear. If she kept him waiting for too long he might not even be able to think before taking a bite out of her. 

“I promise I'll figure out a way to feed you, just give me time…Please.” 

“Oh alright, but only because you're so sweet.” He tapped her nose playfully. “And that little snack should keep me sated for now, ahaha.” 

Winnie washed her hands before leaving the bathroom to continue looking around for some supplies. Astarion followed after her, red eyes inspecting the isles with interest. Some of the objects looked familiar, but somehow still foreign.

A couple of times he'd ask Winnie what something was, and she'd do her best to explain, but sometimes it was difficult. Especially with some technological items that Winnie herself wasn't even completely educated on. 

She picked up a few things she deemed would be useful for hosting her guest, bandages, hygienic stuff and a burner phone. Winnie was about to go pay for the items when she froze, eyes widening in fear. Shit. Becca was working tonight. 

“Darling, are you alright?” The vampire’s voice was gentle. Astarion noticed Winnie’s fear and placed a hand on her shoulder before looking over to what had her tense. At the cash register was a tall skinny woman with long red hair, round red glasses and a face full of freckles. There was a black visor around her neck with a name tag attached along with several different round pins, most notable ones being a colorful pin with a pattern of pink and blue with a purple line in between and a second pin with what looked like a mind flayer on it. She wore a casual blue dress and didn't look the least but intimidating so Astarion was rather puzzled as to what had Winnie's heart pounding so wildly.

Becca was probably the closest thing Winnie had to a friend these days, considering practically all her peers from high school had ran off to start their own lives (the fucking plebs) and the two were able to bond a bit over a common interest in video games. See where this is going? Becca was a gamer. A rather devoted gamer who was always quick to snatch up any of the hot new triple A releases.  Winnie turned back to look at Astarion before quietly whispering, “when we go up to the counter do not say a word, okay?”

“Why?” Astarion asked.

“I'll explain it later, just stay quiet please.” She said before the two walked up to the register. Becca glanced up from the magazine she was looking over and smiled. Astarion held the small of Winnie’s back and stayed close to her. He was still not sure why Winnie was so frightened of this very simple looking woman. Though looks could be deceiving. She could be some kind of shapeshifter in disguise! 

“Winnie! I didn't think you'd be stopping by tonight.” Becca said in a cheerful tone. 

“Hey Becca!” Winnie greeted in a tone as perky as she could muster. “I…Just needed to pick up a few things I was running low on.” She said handing over the items. Becca’s blue eyes looked over Winnie’s face as she scanned the supplies.

She noticed her nervousness, but didn't seem too concerned. Winnie was known to get anxious quite easily. But then she noticed the male standing next to her and hummed. Becca noticed the white curls peeking out from under the hoodie he wore and took a long look at his very pretty face. He seemed very familiar, but she couldn't for the life of herself figure out why. 

“Winnie,” She spoke up in a playful tone, “is this your boyfriend? He is cute.” Becca teased with a wink. Astarion couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

“A-Ah! N-No! We're just friends!” Winnie said, getting very embarrassed. Astarion suddenly snapped his head towards her, a bit shocked at her words.

WHAT?!

Winnie ignored him the questioning looks he was giving her. She leaned over towards Becca. “I'm just helping him out. He's really really shy….” Winnie muttered to her. Astarion stood there arms crossed as he glared at Winnie slightly, eyebrow twitching.

“Oh, okay.” Becca responded, scanning and bagging up Winnie’s things. “That'll be 29.50.” 

Winnie paid for the supplies before walking out, Astarion stomping after her. She put the bags into the trunk of her motorcycle before she finally acknowledged his glaring.

“What?” She asked.

“Just friends? After everything we've been through, you and I are just friends?!” Astarion almost hissed out, but his tone sounded far more hurt than angry. 

“We literally just met a few days ago.” Winnie said, a bit confused. She backed up a bit, flinching at his tone.

“I wasn't lying when I said I fell in love with you over and over! I..I…Did something happen? Do you not like me anymore?” His voice sounded a bit hoarse. Winnie’s heart shattered as she noticed he looked like he was on the verge of tears. 

“Astarion…” She said softly before approaching him. “I do like you. I like you a lot, but you don't really know me ... .The person in the game, the brave strong beautiful adventurer. That's not me.” 

Astarion huffed, trying to blink away the glassiness of his eyes. 

“I fell in love with the sweet person who saved me, nothing else matters!” He took her hands in his. “Please…I want to be with you…” 

“Honey, you don't even know my birthday.” Winnie said with a sad smile. “And I….I'm really not sure. I know everything was probably quite real for you, but to me it was like I was just a spectator. Someone enjoying a good story. Hell I've never even kissed anyone in real life so the idea of jumping into a serious relationship out of nowhere is honestly terrifying…” Winnie said and looked off to the side. The silver haired male took a moment to regain his composure, wiping one of his eyes.

Winnie thought for a moment before looking back at him and gently squeezed his hands.

“Look, I don't have a lot of experience in this, but maybe we could start over? I could court you, maybe?” 

“Oh….Y-Yes…Yes that would make me very…happy…” The vampire blinked away his tears before mustering up a smile. Winnie released his hands, before hesitantly moving in closer. She thought about going in for a hug before she noticed him lean closer, lips puckered. 

Quickly she stopped his mouth with her index finger. 

“I'm…Not ready for that just yet…” She said with a sad smile as he pulled back. 

“Of course, apologies…I misunderstood.” He said feeling a bit embarrassed. Winnie quickly decided to just pull close for a hug before anything else happened. Astarion relaxed a bit, taking comfort in her embrace, and quickly wrapping his arms around her. It was difficult. His relationship had now practically been set back to stage one. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

After Astarion had calmed down and the two of them left the Corner Store. Winnie decided to keep her word about beginning a courtship with her flamboyantly fanged friend.  The night was still young and a date was the perfect excuse for Winnie to stop somewhere to look for something edible to sate her own hunger. Unfortunately there was little the pale elf could enjoy at such establishments, but Winnie did have one idea. 

Astarion looked over Winnie’s shoulder, his eyes widened in awe at the bright lights of the city. It was rather beautiful, making the night much more pleasant and allowing him to see so much more color than he usually would at this time.

Winnie eventually stopped, bringing the motorcycle to a halt as they arrived at a large pleasant smelling building. The air was filled with the scent of meat and other savory dishes. 

Winnie got off the bike before quickly adjusting the hood on Astarion's head, making sure his ears were not visible.  Winnie then took her vampiric companion inside before ordering a table for the two.  She sat across from him in a booth, looking down at her hands shyly. 

“I know it might be hard to believe with my charms and devastatingly good looks, but I've actually never been on a date before, not a real one anyway.” Astarion chuckled a bit.

“What about before you were turned? Surely you'd have been on a date then?” Winnie frowned.

“Perhaps, but I can't exactly remember much from before. It might as well not have happened.” He sighed, looking off as a waitress walked towards the table. She was rather beautiful, long blonde hair, blue eyes, a waspy waist and thick curves in all the right places. 

“What can I get you both?”  She asked. 

“Oh, something full bodied and red.”  Astarion said and looked back at Winnie. 

“Red wine and a pinjacolada please.” Winnie said as she glanced up at the waitress, eyes staring enviously at her nearly perfect bodice. 

“Ah and some fried chicken fingers, and um….Can you get maybe get us an extremely rare steak?” Winnie asked feeling a bit clumsy and embarrassed about how her last line was worded. 

“An extremely rare steak?” The waiter looked at Winnie like she had grown a second head. 

“I don't know if we're allowed to-”

“Be a dear, and fetch me something as bloody as possible won't you beautiful?” Astarion turned towards the waitress, his tone dripping with charm, his ruby red eyes almost hypnotic as he gave her a flirtatious wink.

The waitress’s face turned bright red. 

“Y-Yes! Yes of course!” She sputtered, a giddy grin spreading across her face. Winnie felt a twinge a jealousy shoot through her. She understood why he did that, but it didn't make it feel any better. The pudgy female took out her cellphone as Astarion began to ramble on about something. Something about how dull all of the people here seemed, and how abhorrent their attires were.

Winnie began looking on Tumblr, noticing a notification about TheRespectfulBard posting a new BG3 fanfiction. Though something else caught Winnie's eye as she skimmed through the Bard’s blog.  Apparently the bard was also looking for a mod that had been recently removed from the Nexus Mod page. However the modification they were looking for happened to be a mod that added a few new overpowered attacks to the game. Winnie quickly looked through the comments and reblogs to find someone saying the mod was made by a user named ShadowMommy69. 

Oh God…….It was made by a simp…..

“Winnie? Winnie? Are you even listening to me!?” Astarion spoke up, sounding a bit annoyed.

“Ah! Sorry…I got a bit distracted….” Winnie hearted TheRespectfulBard’s post before putting her phone in her pocket. 

“Honestly darling if you can't pay attention I might have to find a way to punish you.~” He teased, his hand reaching over to hold hers from across the table.

“Oh shut up.” Winnie rolled her eyes with a grin, her cheeks burning up. Astarion was just eating up all of Winnie’s overly flustered reactions. They were honestly all too cute. He looked at her with soft round eyes, wanting nothing more to plant kisses all over her pudgy little face. 

“I've got your order!” The waitress from before brought in their food and drinks. Her hips swayed as she strutted over and set them down on the table. Blue eyes roamed over Astarion’s face and body, though he didn't seem particularly interested. The smell of blood from the meat hit him like a truck, making his mouth water. Winnie immediately began to nibble on her chicken, but her eyes were glued on that woman. 

“I hope you both enjoy…. Especially you.~” The blonde said, seductively running a finger over Astarion's chest, making him stiffen.

“Um lady he doesn't like to be touch-” Winnie tried to object, though her mouse like voice was completely ignored.

“I'm getting off at ten just so you know.” She winked at him before wandering off. Winnie glared at her strutting form.

“Creepy bitch…” She muttered under her breath. That skank was so not getting a tip. Astarion cleared his throat before dusting off the front of his jacket, acting as if the waitress had got him dirty.  

“Well, now that that's over. I think I have something to attend to.” His looked down at the streak which was practically dripping with blood. 

Winnie bit her lip. She wouldn't lie. This was a bit gross. 

Winnie grabbed her drink, slowly sucking it down as she attempted to ignore the vampire in front of her, cutting up the steak and sucking the blood off. She couldn't imagine what was probably going through the head of any on lookers.

“Oh my God he is so fucking hot.” Winnie’s ears perked up at the waitress’s voice as she gossiped with her friends.

“Who's girl with him? Think they're together?” 

“Fuck no! Have you seen her? Probably his sister or something.” 

Winnie rolled her eyes and glanced back at her food. She didn't really feel very hungry anymore. She looked down at her stomach. The round, plumpness of it made her feel so disgusting. It wouldn't be long before Astarion realized he had more options. Better looking options.

“Are you alright my sweet?” Astarion's concerned voice brought her gaze back up. 

“I'm fine I guess…A bit tired if I'm honest…” She said tapping her fingernails to the table. 

“Well then, perhaps we should get you home so you can get your beauty rest hm? Not that you need it of course! You're already the most beautiful person here.” The elf said sweetly.  

“Yeah, let's go.” Winnie nodded, the two left their table and Winnie payed for the food at the register. She side eyes the waitress from before who was still gossiping with her friends. Winnie turned ready to head out the doors before she was suddenly snatched up by Astarion.

“I just want you to know once we get home. I am going to make you scream my name.” He said, his husky voice purposely raised loud enough for everyone to hear.  Winnie immediately buried her embarrassed face into his neck. Despite being ready to faint she also couldn't help but let out a series of giggles at his bluntness.

The waitress from before looked over with a shocked and frankly pissed expression. The vampire smirked slightly before tugging Winnie outside.

It was around eleven o'clock when they arrived back home. Winnie got off her bike with a yawn before looking over at Astarion who's hood had once again fallen off due to the motorcycle ride. 

Since they were home though, she saw no point in fixing it again.  

“I think that was an absolutely delightful first date, my love.” Astarion said as the two walked over towards the front door. “Don't you agree?” 

“Shit.” Winnie stopped in her tracks.

“Oh come on! It wasn't that bad! Actually I don't think it was bad at all!” Astarion crossed his arms with a scoff.

“No! Shit!” She pointed at the front door which was cracked open about two feet. 

“Oh, oh dear.” The vampire exclaimed before his companion rushed inside. He quickly followed after her as she zoomed into her bedroom. 

“Maddie!? Maddie!” She called looking under the bed and in her closet before checking the bathoom. Astarion went into the bedroom and inhaled, trying to pinpoint the scent of the sweet little kitten’s blood. Was it nearby? However, his red orbs suddenly shot open at the echo of barking coming from outside. 

“Maddie!” Winnie cried in fear. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Note from The ChaoticDruid: Been so hyped to get this chapter out! We have a lead on who caused Astarion to suddenly become sentient and it looks like a Shadowheart lover lol. A Shadowheart simp if you will! Also I know a lot of people would probably think Winnie's crazy for not wanting to jump right into a serious romance with Astarion, but I just feel like there are some things we'd love to fantasize about, but might not be too sure about in real life. Besides the girl is very romantically awkward. If anyone has any ideas on how to hide Astarion's ears better I'm open to suggestions, oh and PLEASE tell me what you think of the chapter! I love hearing all the comments about stuff, really makes my day.

Also fuck, Maddie's in danger! Somebody do something!

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain , @iamsexytrash , @tiedyedghoulette , @hp-art-studio , @gaymistakeboi @the-disaster-in-waiting