#Binge eating disorder is real and common

[tobeabatman]

The most common eating disorder

Obviously a trigger warning for eating disorder discussion:

The most common eating disorder, I ask. Anorexia, you think. Maybe even bulimia.

This is the question that even my biology teacher didn’t answer correctly a year back. And I get it: our society is very loud about anorexia and its dangers. Sometimes even (shamefully so) jealous of them.

But for this eating disorder, you’ve probably laughed at its patients on TV. Why wouldn’t you?

The eating disorder I’m talking about is (not obvious to many) binge eating disorder (or BED), of course. It’s the leading eating disorder, by almost 50%.

It’a bulimia’s sister: the shameful disorder we don’t even consider a disorder. The disorder, where you binge but don’t compensate. The eating disorder that was (incorrectly) named as the fat person’s eating disorder in my school health textbook.

And as you may or may not have guessed, I have binge eating disorder. And I’m also fat (no shame with that). Which means that for years I just thought that binging was a personal fault, maybe even a sugar “addiction” (side note: not all researchers agree that you can get addicted to food or sugar in addiction’s literal sense).

Because binging is associated with ”morbid obesity” in television shows such as My 600 lb Life (without the show ever discussing binge eating disorder, or treating it in participants that exhibit symptoms) people have a very prominent lack of knowledge on binge eating disorder. I know someone who laughed at a My 600lb Life (out of fatphobia and moral superiority) participant, even though they likely had binge eating disorder, (and laughing at people just because they’re fat, is pretty fucking disgusting. This ignorance towards binge eating disorder results in the lack of treatment for patients with binge eating disorder. I have had binge eating disorder pretty much my whole life. My parents recognized that my eating habits were abnormal before I even started school, yet they started restricting me instead of doing research or taking me to a health professional. (And that’s another thing with eating disorders: people think that they start at teenagehood. But they can start at any point of life. Disordered eating can be prominent in babies too. My eating disorder started because my parents had a particular way of teaching me and my siblings to eat: by threatening (which has lately been researched to cause binging in small kids).)

Later my school nurse (throughout ages 7-12), instead of clocking that I had binge eating disorder, asked me to monitor my weight for a month (I was slightly overweight, nothing concerning). I’m glad my mom prevented me from doing it, because monitoring my weight at 10 years old would have just added a new problematic aspect to my eating disorder (yay! /s). The last things I wanna clear up:

Not all fat people have BED.

Thin people can also have BED.

People with eating disorders are most likely to be fat, not thin.

Although not all fat people have BED, a lot of BED patients are fat (not all, though).

BED is the most common eating disorder, making up about half of all eating disorder cases.

BED is often ignored as just a quirk fat people have. This leads to:

A) Fat people not getting diagnosed as we feel like binging is our own fault and something that we are just doomed with (as society expects us to binge).

B) Thin people not getting diagnosed, as thin people aren’t socially expected to have problems with binging food (because it’s associated with fatness). Binging food is also socially more accepted when done by thin people, so people will not take a thin person’s binging as an actual problem (because at least they’re not fat).

7. Don’t assume that someone with any eating disorder, but especially fat people with binge eating disorder or bulimia, want to lose weight. I don’t want to be skinny: fat people are a marginalized identity, and I’m not going to lose weight just because the world bullies me if I don’t. (Read Unshrinking by Kate Manne).

8. This is not medical advice. This is a post that’s meant to make people aware of binge eating disorder’s existence. I’m not a medical professional, and everything in this post is my opinion as someone who’s both fat and has BED. You guys can always correct me if I talk out of my ass, as well.

I also hope that the physical effects of binge eating disorder get researched more. We know that anorexia might cause osteoporosis and bulimia might cause harm to teeth enamel. Meanwhile the only information like this we get for binge eating disorder is that people with BED will get type 2 diabetes because we are fat (which is a questionable piece of information to begin with. How do we know type 2 diabetes is the cause of fatness, and not the other way? And diabetes is not caused by binge eating: there’s just a correlation between binging, being fat, and type 2 diabetes. And not all people with BED are fat anyway).

I probably forgot something. Oh well.

[mamabearwonders]

Mom Friend Gentle ED Validation Reminders 🌳

🦄Binge ≠ failed ana

🦄It's natural for weight to fluctuate (go between up & down)

🦄Don't count your vitamins medication as calories. It helps you function and better your quality of life.

🦄There's no shame in not counting creamer, gum, tea, seasonings etc. calories against you to save your mental sanity.

🦄There's no look to a sickness - it's valid even if you don't feel like your inside matches your outside

🦄If you want to get sicker to prove you're sick - then that's proof in itself since folks who don't have disordered eating don't usually want to get sick

🦄Fats & sugars sound scary, but they're not "bad"

🦄There is no bad food not even fast food or candy

🦄If you can't fight a craving no matter what other alternative foods you eat, try not to beat yourself up too much. The body is usually craving serotonin from those foods that it's not receiving so it will keep craving it it's a human thing.

🦄The disorder already makes folks feels not good enough. If you broke a fast, it doesn't make you not good enough anymore.

🦄You still have an ED if you can't or don't want to work out. Plenty of folks have invisible or visible disabilities and it's just not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay.

🦄You still have an ED if you don't fast. Some folks can't because of low blood sugar. Even if you don't, it's okay.

🦄You still have an ED if it developed later in life.

🦄You still have an ED even if you think it's not bad enough - that's a big part of EDs not feeling valid enough to say you have it

🦄You still have an ED if you don't fast.

🦄You still have ana even if you have a higher BMI or higher calorie limit

🦄ARFID, orthrorexia & BED are very real EDs and don't deserve invalidation

🦄Folks with bulimia deserve just as much support and shouldn't be shunned since some folks don't find it "aesthetic enough" 😒

🦄Brain fog & memory loss are very common with EDs. Don't be too hard on yourself if you forget things or schoolwork is harder for you

🦄 Everyone's an individual. It's okay if you have a higher calorie limit than someone else. EDs are painful for everyone and pain shouldn't be a competition, but sadly that's what EDs make some folks think

🦄You're not unlovable because of your ED💛

🦄You're not unlovable because of your ED💚

🦄You're not unlovable because of your ED🩵

🦄You're not unlovable because of your ED🩷

[damagedcoda6669]

hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3

ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p

there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^

u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!

1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.

2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.

this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.

3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.

u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.

4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(

5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.

i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.

6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)

intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks

7: chronic feelings of emptiness.

this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.

8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

angy

(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)

9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!

personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!

self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3

bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!

[cryinginthefkncorner]

So I’m in ED recovery and also fat, and have been reading “The Diet Myth” by Paul Campos.

In the beginning of the book he talks about how Americans have an “Anorexic World Lenses” that they are seeing the concepts of health and wellness through, mainly thanks in part to the diet industry and pharmaceutical lobbying groups that are filled with what he refers to as “anti-fat warriors.”

And reading about his anorexic world lenses theory makes a lot of things make sense. especially when it comes to fat people recovering from restrictive eating disorders.

These anti-fat warriors will scream about how people who are fat during or after recovery just “swapped one ED for another” (implying that a person is now binge eating to the point of having BED instead of restricting to the point of AAN).

While this can be the case for some, If the person who is recovering is working with a care team they most likely are not binging. It’s just a 8” to 10” plate, filled with carbs, protein, and fruit or veg with little white space on a plate (common way to portion food to make sure a meal is actually a meal in ED recovery) is so foreign to them, that they think a normal meal constitutes “over eating”.

They personally don’t eat that much (because they bought into the bogus, manipulated science and stats from the weight loss industry hook, line, and sinker) because they don’t want to be “fat and die young” (<- a myth with little scientific backing btw) so a fat person eating a normal amount of obviously bingeing, and needs to stop.

And they’ll scream this perception at fat people in recovery, because how dare they start learning to accept size differences, how dare they accept their body no matter how it turns out! Why aren’t they buying into the big pharma propaganda!?! Why aren’t they destroying their livers and GI tracts with Ozempic and metformin for a few pounds of weight loss?! Why aren’t they following the script?!

It’s a typical freak out akin to what I felt when I saw the number on the scale increase by half a pound when I was deep in my eating disorder.

The anorexic world lenses is very real, it’s what causes us to label an average hight woman at a typical weight “ob*se”, it’s the system that labels people like George Clooney and Dwayne “the rock” Johnson as “ob*se”.

It’s the system used by our government to justify torturing fat people with drugs they don’t need for minimal weight loss so they can determine who is the compliant fat and who is the “bad” fat who has seen through the BS.

Anyway, I highly recommend the book as of right now, and if wanted I will post more as I read more.

[samd1o1]

Crowley's BPD Traits And Why They Are Important;

We all know our beloved ineffable husbands are neurodivergent icons. Despite not being human they both act like neurodivergent humans would (and do).

Today I thought we would take a look specifically at Crowley and his BPD traits and what they mean.

(Also before we start; a trigger warning for talks and mentions of suicide, depression, mood swings, drinking, and trauma).

First what is BPD? BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder.

"A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships." -Mayo Clinic

BPD is a disorder caused by trauma. Trauma is of course different for every individual. So while some demons may seem perfectly content with the fall from Heaven, others may have been significantly traumatized. And I believe this is where Crowley falls (pun very intended).

So we covered how Crowley could have developed BPD, but let's talk about their traits.

The DSM-5 lists 9 Criteria for BPD, of which at least 5 are required for diagnosis. We will be covering each one and how (or how they don't) apply to Crowley.

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

As we know BPD is caused by trauma, but more specifically it can be trauma that deals with abandonment. Say God casting you down to Hell for simply asking questions?

This can lead to the person with BPD going through frantic efforts to avoid abandonment happening ever again.

We can see this most in Crowley when she argues with Aziraphale. Can you count how many times Crowley tries to run away with Aziraphale so that he doesn't leave him during an argument? It's three. They have done this three times (and that's just the on screen ones, who knows whats happened in 6,000 years!).

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Now this one is harder to see in Crowley because this trait of BPD (and many others) comes out most in romantic partners. And Crowley has only ever had one apple in his eye, Aziraphale. But even just with their relationship with Aziraphale we can see this.

While Crowley never directs his anger at Aziraphale we can definitely see how much the angel affects him. Their arguments that can lead to them not talking for decades, Crowley literally exploding with lighting because of his anger.

An example I find most interesting is Crowley's entire perception of Aziraphale changing when he sees Aziraphale let the people in the flood die. And this perception is only fixed in the Job minisode when Aziraphale does the right thing again. All it takes is one incident for Crowley to change her mind.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

I think this is most obvious in the opening to season 2 where Crowley is questioning the meaning of life and more importantly his role as a demon.

But this isn't the only demon related identity disturbance Crowley faces. A common identity disturbance for those with BPD is believing that they are evil. This is caused by trauma but is also not helped by the stigma Cluster B disorders face.

Crowley believes he must be evil because he is a demon. He lies because he is a demon. Just like someone with BPD may believe they are evil for their disorder or are manipulative because of it. But in reality that may not be the whole truth. You can still be a good person despite being a demon, despite having a disorder.

4. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Do... Do I need to explain this one?

Crowley is an alcoholic. He casually drinks but will also drink anytime a slight inconvenience pops up.

Crowley is also known for going "too fast". He is almost always speeding in the Bentley.

5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

This is one of the ones that is harder to apply to Crowley simply because she is a demon, not a human. It is much harder for him to kill himself. And while this trait must be recurrent I still think it's important to bring up the Holy Water incident.

Crowley tells Aziraphale the holy water is just for insurance, but Aziraphale knows Crowley better than that and was right to assume it could probably be for a suicide pill. (Even if it did come in handy as insurance later). But the fact Aziraphale assumes that I believe is telling.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

We see a few different times where Crowley's mood shifts into extremes.

We already discussed the lighting incident. I think another big show of their anger is how he treats his plants in season 1. While yes it is them recreating their trauma with God (Metatron?) and being thrown out of Heaven, that anger comes from somewhere.

Jim short for James, long for Gabriel also sparks this anger in Crowley to the point of threatening his life and telling him to jump out of a window.

Crowley's depression is seen on the biggest spotlight when talking about the fall. Their sentiments about not meaning to fall, that she only ever asked questions.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Unfortunately I can't speak on this one purely because I do not live in Crowley's head. I do not recall it ever being something mentioned or showed. That doesn't mean it can't happen to her of course, but let's stick with the facts.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

As you can see BPD deals with anger a lot. so I will once again bring up some points we've already made. With the lighting incident, and good old Jimmy-boy.

I also just wanted to mention we know Crowley appears a bit angry at most times as well as Muriel describes him as "the grumpy one". Just thought it was a fun, helpful detail.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

This one is also a bit hard because again I am not in Crowley's head but also she does in fact have plenty to worry about that is real.

But Crowley does still show paranoid ideation. His distrust of others, disorganized thoughts (talking about ducks and the end of the world at the same time), feeling threatened, thinking he's being spied on (the ducks have ears).

Lots of ducks.

Now some may think diagnosing/headcanoning a character with specific mental illnesses is silly, and maybe it is! But I still believe it's important. Why?

Well for starters; representation is always important. Seeing someone similar to you on screen you can relate to and find joy and comfort in. Or maybe they're just raising awareness. Or just showing that hey, these people exist.

But I also wanted to touch on the stigma of BPD and other Cluster B disorders.

I touched on it briefly in an earlier point but BPD is heavily stigmatized. Many people treat the disorder as evil and manipulative. That the people with it don't deserve love or kindness. Which is of course simply not true.

Most of the characters coded with BPD today are antagonists and/or villains. Think Jinx from Arcane or Spinel from Steven Universe. These characters are amazingly written and performed and I do love them dearly. And there is nothing wrong with them, but it is nice to even the playing field. To have a character with traits of BPD who is fundamentally good and does the right thing. They are a protagonist of their story and even a hero!

And that is why I think Crowley is good representation of BPD (even if it was not intended that way).

And here's hoping to season 3 so our demon (and angel) get a happy ending!

[katboykirby]

Autistic Beel is very real to me personally, as an autistic person (special interest, not very expressionate, etc). I also very much agree with the Satan and Levi headcanons too.

Oh this is interesting because I don't think I've heard about an autistic! Beel HC before? Usually (in my experience anyway) it's autistic! Levi and very very occasionally autistic! Satan

Now, full disclosure that I'm not autistic myself, so any information I'm familiar with comes from research + the experiences of my irl partner, who got his autism diagnosis as an adult. (I do have ADHD and I know that there's some relation/overlap there, but I'd still trust the words and experiences of actual autistic people over my own)

And I can definitely see some aspects of autism in Beel! Like you said, he doesn't tend to show much of any particularly strong emotions, at least not openly or on the surface - he tends to keep a fairly flat expression (and his usual frown could be interpreted as the classic neurodivergent "resting bitch face" aha) and his voice clips reflect this as well - he's definitely not as affective as say, Mammon or Asmo! Beel is a lot more quiet than his brothers, on average. He's not really very emotive or expressive outside of specific or extreme situations. Although, I don't tend to go for the romantic options with him or read his personal Devilgram stories all that often (since I'm a Satanfucker) but I'm aware that he's usually more emotive in romantic moments with MC, or when things get tense/dramatic with his family.

Speaking of which, something that we do occasionally see is Beel losing his temper and becoming very angry - to the point that he loses control of himself and goes on rampages. The most significant examples of this in the main story would be Lessons 4 and 5 of the original game, when he flies into a rage over some custard and ends up destroying half of MC's room; and the whole plotline in Nightbringer revolving around Beel's rampage at the royal castle that almost resulted in Diavolo having to lock him up because of how much destruction he caused. I know that "autism rage" is pretty negatively stereotyped (unfairly so, in my opinion) but anger is definitely a real struggle for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders

The whole food thing is definitely interesting in this context as well (and I assume this is what you meant by "special interest?" Lmk if I'm wrong) because Beel is the complete opposite of the common autism stereotypes when it comes to food! We often see the idea of autistic individuals having a very limited scope of foods that they actually enjoy, because things like texture, flavour, and sensation are all very different and experienced in a different way than neurotypicals. Autistic individuals are stereotyped as "picky eaters" because it's common for them to have very specific "safe foods" and/or not enjoy very many exotic or strong flavours. Beel definitely does not have a problem with this, lmao. And we know that his love/obsession with all foods isn't something that came about just when he was made the Avatar of Gluttony, since he was a big food lover as an angel as well (though his eating habits, admittedly, weren't as extreme back then.) Interestingly, a lot of research shows that people with autism are more likely to struggle with binge eating disorder, which has some intriguing implications for Beelzebub 👀

It's entirely possible that exercise & working out and/or sports like Fangol could be special interests for him as well! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that Beel has mentioned or alluded to feeling restless if he doesn't get at least one workout in every day, like he doesn't feel that his day is "complete" if he hasn't done his exercise routines. This could suggest that he experiences the common autism symptoms around adherence to routines and inflexibility when it comes to changing up his usual habits and activities 🤔

This reply has actually become pretty long, so I'll just stop myself here before I get carried away even further 😅

Overall, I think that there's definitely merit to autistic! Beel HCs, and I'm sure that people who are actually autistic and/or are big fans of Beel himself (and who would have read far more of his in-game content than I have, like his Devilgrams) would be able to go into even more detail than I have!

[crazy-pages]

This Stuff Sinks In Deep

So I was talking to my mother the other day.

She's a therapist, one of her specialties is eating disorders. She's been doing this since literally before eating disorder certifications were a thing with the APA. She got into it because she had anorexia herself and was helped by therapy. And I think maybe she's developed orthorexia in spite of overcoming that, as age has started to affect her body. She's considered to be one of the best eating disorder therapists in my hometown, a city with one of the highest per capita concentration of psychologists in the US and also one of thinnest, which is relevant here.

Well when we were talking, she mentioned anorexia's BMI criteria. (And yeah she knows BMI is an absurdity of a metric, but she was not questioning the concept of anorexia having a fat-related criteria.)

So I laughed and said, "Hah, the best criteria for anorexia, the criteria which makes the majority of anorexia 'atypical'."

And this is where things get sad.

Because I'm up to date on 'atypical' anorexia research. How the majority of anorexics actually do not meet the BMI criteria and are therefore considered 'atypical', but nevertheless experience the same behavioral symptoms, thought patterns, health consequences (including the cardiovascular and bone stuff that sticks with you), morbidity correlations, mortality rates, etc. I'm even familiar with the research of someone living in the area near my mother, on how atypical anorexics have worse outcomes actually, because of massively delayed treatment (on the order of years). Because, you know. I'm a research scientist and I grew up cutting my teeth on my mom's psych research journals. And I listen to Maintenance Phase which is how I learned about the researcher near her (hey sometimes pop culture science is how you find sources). And you know. It's my mom's thing and she's important to me. Of course I still keep up with this stuff.

And my mom said, "What?"

"You know. 'Atypical' anorexia? The majority of actual anorexia cases? People who meet every other criteria but just don't reach the supposed BMI threshold? Have the same symptoms? 'Atypical' anorexia? Why what do you call it?" (I assumed she had some less nonsense term for it than 'atypical' anorexia, so atypical anorexia didn't immediately register for her.)

"What?"

"The ... the diagnosis? Atypical anorexia? Same exact diagnostic criteria and presentation as anorexia nervosa except for the BMI criteria? Same health outcomes? Sufferers experience additional difficulties seeking treatment?" (She's my mom, she was just having a brain fart about the term. I learned everything I know about anorexia from her. Right?)

"Uh, are you talking about one of those new agey disorders people sometimes throw around, that's not in the DSM 5? Those aren't necessarily reliable you know. I think you're thinking of binge eating."

"What?! Mom, no, no no no. Atypical anorexia nervosa. Same symptoms, but the person has a higher minimum weight before the body stops losing mass. Or you know, shuts down and dies."

"Sweetie I don't think that's a real thing. That's not in the DSM, at the very least."

"?!?!?!?!" (Maybe she's right, there's sometimes bias against the inclusion of disorders which bring focus to systemic medical malpractice.)

*ten seconds of internet search later*

"Uhhh, no mom. It's right there. In the DSM 5 for 11 years now. Atypical anorexia nervosa. More people have it than 'typical' anorexia nervosa. It's the most common presentation of the disease you specialize in?" (at this point my voice was getting kind of thin and reedy)

And my mom just. Had no idea. Didn't really want to hear it either. I pulled sources. Got her to pull up the DSM definition for herself. But she stayed wedded to the idea that anorexia is defined by weight and that someone with an eating disorder who didn't hit the anorexic threshold (or wasn't on their way there) must be something other than anorexic. They must be periodically binging, or that it was a way to describe temporary disordered dieting or-

My mom's helped a lot of people with anorexia over the years.

After that call I ended up staring at the ceiling and wondering how many people with it she's hurt, because she thought they couldn't have anorexia. How many of her own clients might be in the population sample of that local researcher who investigated the harms done to 'atypical' anorexics by a medical system that refuses to recognize their symptoms.

There's the obvious and brutal story here, about how deep fatphobia goes in medicine, even among those who heal its consequences. But also...

To my friends? If we're ever talking and you realize I'm stuck in mental rut like this, fixated on some old conception of something, just ... I dunno. Say "red light". That'll be the signal for me to shut the fuck up and treat whatever you're about to say really seriously, with the assumption I have gone terribly astray.

[queerforscience]

Summary: Unmasking Autism by Devon Price has a lot of good insights, but in my opinion could use more nuance about the harms experienced by early diagnosed autistics and autistics who can't mask.

I've been listening to the audiobook of Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. There's a lot of really good information in it and a lot that's really relatable as a late diagnosed, trans, fairly high masking autistic and I have a few criticisms of it:

It seems that Dr. Price falls into the common "grass is greener" pitfall. The book is focused on the harms of masking and the way that oppression forces many marginalized people to mask. It also discusses the way that this causes many marginalized people to not be recognized as autistic, which robs us of a valuable tool for understanding ourselves and our struggles. I felt that the way these very really harms were discussed sometimes minimized the also very real harms that come with being diagnosed as autistic as a child, especially for marginalized people. These discussions also didn't acknowledge the fact that some autistics cannot mask and experience specific harms because of that.

Similarly, I felt there were some missed chances to emphasize the internalized ableism component of the urge to distance ourselves from the label autism. This was framed in a discussion about how certain stereotypes about autism can make it more difficult to recognize and identify with autism within ourselves, but many of those stereotypes, like "the nonverbal toddler in bulky noise cancelling headphones at the grocery store, do represent some very real autistics who are also valuable human beings. This was addressed some later in the book than when this criticism first arose for me, but I think it's something that should have been more emphasized throughout. Similarly, there could have been more emphasis that people who do fit certain other labels also deserve to be treated better when when discussing the stigma that comes with some misdiagnoses autistic people commonly receive, such as personality disorders.

At least as far as I've gotten, there's a fair amount of discussion of eating disorders among autistic people, but this discussion has been strictly about restrictive eating disorders and primarily anorexia. It's fine to focus on that, but if you claim to be discussing eating disorders generally you also need to talk about bingeing. ARFID should also be included, especially if you're talking about autistics!

There's a lot of discussion about maladaptive drug use and substance use disorders among autistic people, but so far I feel there's been a lack of recognition that drug use can be adaptive as well.

So far, I think I would overall recommend the book. However, I do also worry about what people reading it without also having heard the perspectives of high support needs and/or low masking autistics may take away from it. Similarly, I also think people reading it should be sure to seek out the perspectives of people who do identify with BPD, NPD, schizophrenia, and other highly stigmatized disorders that autistic people are sometimes labelled with.

[kateac12]

Headcanon: Alois has Borderline Personality Disorder

It's no secret that Alois has some unstable behavior. He's mean to a lot of people, and that's why a lot of the audience doesn't like him. But he's more of a tragic character more than anything else. He lost his parents and his brother at a young age. He was forced to be a sex object for the much older Earl Trancy, and the only way he could get out of that was to pretend to be Trancy's son. Here's the DSM's diagnostic criteria for BPD: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5. - He does everything to keep Claude from leaving him, and it's clear that if Claude were gone, he'd be devastated.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. - His relationships with Claude, Sebastian, and Ciel.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. - While this has never been explicitly stated, it would be surprising if Alois didn't question his identity. He's adopted a new name, and becomes a wealthy nobleman when he was originally raised as a commoner).

Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5. - He treats his servants badly, even Claude at times, he throws money out the window just to spite his uncle, and he doesn't hesitate to make enemies of other people (Ciel).

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. - Alois threatens to throw himself off a tower just to get Claude's attention.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). - Pretty much his whole attitude. Despite his seemingly cheerful personality, he's quick to anger.

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). - He gouges Hannah's eye.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. - In his first scene, when Alois is trying to get Claude's attention. Claude reciprocates, but is cold. Alois laughs before lying down in his bed, and his expression goes blank.

[jac-jay]

tbh the "fat anorexics get ignored" thing always drives me crazy because like... there is a REASON that a 35lb 5'6 girl missing a meal is an immediate emergency while a 350lb 5'6 girl missing a meal is literally not. it's real "all lives matter" energy, to pretend that all scenarios are identical for all people no matter what the context or details. a supermorbidly obese girl does have an e.d. and does need therapy, but the only potential emergency is whether or not she has a heart attack or breaks her knee joints.

It's irritating because anorexia is real, and one of the ways to diagnose it is the sufferer being underweight or experiencing extreme weight loss due to the disorder.

Tess Holiday eating a 10 item meal from McDonald's on Facebook Live is not an anorexic person. She's mocking restrictive eating disorders. She is showcasing signs of a binge eating disorder and calling it the opposite to the public. So now the "social justice" minded people wanna call you a fatphobe for saying basic common sense shit like "that 400lb person is not starving to death, actually. If s/he skips that bag of Lay's potato chips s/he'll be okay." Like it's somehow evil to think that people eating themselves to death is actual self-harm.

[sidewalkchemistry]

The Fine Line Between Self-Love & Punitive Discipline (Finding Food Freedom ☺️) | Holistic Leveling Up!

I wanted to take a moment today to talk about the modern scene of nutrition. Increasingly within it, a common theme is condemning abstinence, or restriction, in efforts to be in direct opposition to diet culture. Unfortunately, many nutritionists haven't yet realized how food freedom comes about - i.e. through distancing oneself from addictive & overprocessed "food stuffs" by your own self-loving choice to choose nourishment instead. It opens up your tastebuds and develops cravings for real whole foods. Thus, food becomes orgasmic & nourishing at once...It literally feels like you've been missing out your whole life on feeling so hydrated, satiated, and energized. The felt sense of connection and gratitude for Earth's bounty usually leaves little to no room for a troubled relationship with food (with the proper transitionary system especially).

Rejecting fast foods, refined sugars, junk food snacks, table salts, oils, animal products (which are inherently hormone-ridden), and other food formulations which create addictive habits can first look like a knuckle-gripping self-disciplinary method. Many get wary that it will cause or worsen disordered relationships with food. Rarely is an eye batted at the nutritionist who encourages eating junk foods and fast foods on a regular basis for a "balanced" mindset. The paradox is that animals who get a taste of these foods lose all sense of balance with food. Disordered relationships with food are only a reality because of non-real foods. There is nothing wrong with facing the reality that there are such things as unhealthy foods. Unhealthy food cravings and binges are only done on less-than-ideal foods. Such foods should never be seen as something-I-may-never-ever-have-again or a food-I-can-no-longer-eat. That will mess you up psychologically and increase the craving tenfold! Plus, it won't be interpreted by the body as a loving act to ignore those cravings. It will feel like punishment. Mindset shifts are necessary in healing one's relationship with food because some of what we considered foods alter our normal psychology. Instead, it's much healthier to think in terms of these-are-the-foods-that-are-perfect-for-me. By that, I mean, that many of the foods which we all know shouldn't be eaten on a regular basis cause us to act within the realm of our "lower selves," as you could say. They increase our impatience, anxiety, temper...they throw us out of balance (nothing is wrong with recognizing any morsel of impatience, anxiety, or anger within you. The issue is when it begins to unconsciously rule you). But yes, this is how we make self-loving choices at all. This is real discipline. You notice that a certain action will be much more worthwhile. And so, you choose it. And you delight in the journey that action takes you along. And that becomes your new normal. ~~~~ FOOD FREEDOM AFFIRMATIONS "I nourish myself on ripe, juicy fruits, satisfying greens, and warm herbal teas." "Junk foods are not suited for someone like me." "I treat myself with a rich rainbow of colors everyday." "I easily express the fullness of myself when I'm running on high quality fuel." ~~~~~ Transitioning to this stage (swapping your self-injurious habits for soul-nourishing ones) doesn't happen overnight, however. I have described a bit about how to progressively upgrade towards a more mindful and healing experience with your food. Some things can include: eating leafy greens or drinking a herbal tea (preferably unsweetened, strongly steeped, and a bitter herb) alongside the food you wish to let go of; wise usage of colon hydrotherapy (I recommend lemon & distilled water enemas in particular); eating fruit as your first meal of the day; eating at least 1 lb of leafy greens daily; finding healthier swaps; filling your feeds with inspiring accounts filled only with displays of real foods; preparing your meals at home (this is one of the most pivotal moves you can make!); having a green juice/smoothie daily; start with your favorite produce then branch out and try more; learning to select fresh, ripe fruits; healing mindset shifts & affirmations; trying & creating staple recipes that suit you on every level; etc!

[fqirycollective]

Effects of Trauma Pt. 1

What is trauma?

Trauma is any experience that poses a threat to someone's physical or emotional safety. We often have certain things we think about when we think of what trauma is (eg: physical/sexual abuse, war), but it can also be other types of abuse, high-crime environments, oppression, bullying, etc. Anything that can make a person feel unsafe can be trauma, although not all those experiences will make someone develop PTSD. Two people who go through the same thing may have different reactions, such as one develops PTSD whereas one doesn't.

Fight, Flight, Fawn, or Freeze?

These are the four trauma responses that are noted in people. Fight and flight are the most commonly known, as they present in other circumstances as well (like in anxiety). They come from the brain's natural desire to survive, causing chemicals in the brain to release (adrenaline is one of them) and pushing you into survival mode. In the fight version of survival mode, you'll try to fight back against the situation (think if you're confronted by a lion, in the fight response, you would try to fight it). Flight is the response where you try to run away from the situation (think running from the lion). Fawn is kind of like trying to appease to the situation, like appeasing to abusers to avoid further abuse. Freeze is when your body/mind freezes, not doing anything to try and prevent it but instead protecting yourself more internally. You can experience multiple of these, and it's likely it'll change based on the situation.

Response Examples

Fight response examples would include: anger outbursts, insulting/mocking/taunting/shaming, becoming aggressive, easily reactive, always feels as though you're threatened, feeling shameful after outbursts, and/or "talking back" to authority figures

Flight response examples would include: chronic rushing or "always going", feeling uncomfortable even when still, energy spent managing things around you, fear of commitment/abruptly ending relationships, easily feeling trapped, making plans to avoid downtime, throwing yourself into work/achievement, being distracted, and/or often presenting as anxiety/panic attacks

Fawn response examples would include: avoiding conflict, going along with others' beliefs (even if not your own), dissociation, letting others make decisions, fearing saying "no", overly polite/agreeable, hyperawareness of others' needs and emotions while betraying your own, and/or relying on others to solve problems

Freeze response examples would include: feeling completely numb, shutdown, complete avoidance, hiding out from the world, procrastination, inability to make even small decisions, endless social media scrolling/binge watching, and/or confusion over what's real and imagined

Disorders caused by trauma

Trauma itself isn't a disorder, but it leads to many. The most commonly known one is PTSD, but there are many more. Depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, substance abuse disorders, somatoform and somatization disorders, eating disorders, psychosis, Acute Stress Disorder, adjustment disorders, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder, personality disorders, dissociative disorders, etc. are all linked to trauma, although not all are only caused by trauma.

Trauma's Effect Years Later

Trauma impacts the ability to identify, regulate, and express emotions and can have a significant impact on the individual's core identity. This is because during those events, the brain doesn't know how to feel. Obviously it feels scared and in need for survival, but there's also hope to survive, anger that it happens, sadness, etc. With all those conflicting emotions at once, the brain gets overwhelmed. This is why dissociation is so common in trauma survivors. We and many other people have noticed that we tend to dissociate more when we're safe, which didn't make sense for the longest time. However, we finally put it together. During trauma, the brain becomes used to being in the high-stress state, so used to it in fact that it sometimes finds the non-stressful things even more stressful. Your brain wants to stick with what it knows, so it feels the peace and safety is a threat.

[dorianbrightmusic]

Somewhat Quick Guidelines for How Not to be Triggering to ED-Havers

i'll do a more elaborate version of this some other time, but i have just consumed way too much youtube and i need to get some very mixed feelings out of my system

(tw for some discussion of EDs and the areas these render most sensitive)

Don't equate 'eating disorder' with 'anorexia nervosa'

The most common eating disorders are Binge-Eating Disorder and OSFED – according to Santomauro et al. (2021) and Yasmina and Keski-Rahkonen (2022), OSFED is more common than BED, so yeah. OSFED includes many, many categories in and of itself, including: subthreshold bulimia, subthreshold BED, atypical anorexia, purging disorder, and night eating syndrome. Orthorexia isn't recognised in the DSM-5-TR, but should be. I could not tell you what the most common form of OSFED is – I'd always thought it was atypical anorexia, but some studies I can find on a general population point more to purging disorder, subthreshold BN, subthreshold BED, (see Stice, Marti, & Rohde (2013), while this more recent study in a less reputable journal by Hay et al. (2023) places atypical AN as the most common OSFED. Either way, full-threshold AN is comparatively very, very rare.

Most eating disorders are not becoming emaciated + growing lanugo. If you did become emaciated and grow lanugo, then I'm proud of you for surviving your ED every day, because they are the absolute worst illnesses. However, you are also in a substantial minority. That doesn't make you any less valid—all it means is that EDs aren't necessarily traditional anorexia.

I'll get onto the main difference between atypical and non-atypical AN in a minute, but for now, let's say that even if atypical AN is horrifyingly common, most EDs aren't anorexia of any kind. Most EDs are one of the other kinds. And while good AN rep is great and rare, using 'eating disorder' to mean 'anorexia' is incredibly dismissive of the immense and debilitating of eating disordered behaviour out there. It's limited in the same way as using 'neurodivergent' to just mean 'autism + ADHD' – just as neurodivergence is much, much broader than Au/DHD (and this isn't to detract from the validity of Au/DHD folks), EDs are much, much broader than anorexia, and using 'eating disorder' as a synonym for 'thin and restrictive' is an extremely limited definition.

Moreover, many ED-havers go to immense, immense efforts to downplay their symptoms. The common refrain you'll hear in ED recovery is 'but I'm not sick enough to need help' – and the more narrow the operational definition of ED, the more people are made to feel they aren't sufficiently ill to have a real problem. EDs thrive in secrecy. They are often silent, and they are lethal. By using 'eating disorder' as a euphemism for 'anorexia', we give power to each of these illnesses by letting them remain silent, too macabre and mysterious to acknowledge.

Be specific. Do not talk about someone having 'an eating disorder'. Do not use it as a smokescreen behind which to hide nervousness. Say the exact disorder, or, if unsure, use an adjective: a restrictive eating disorder, an ED with purging, an ED with bingeing, etc.

2. 'Eating disordered' does not mean thin

This goes for all EDs, and especially for anorexia. Argh.

Bulimia is often overweight, and can be any weight. BED can be any weight. ARFID can be any weight. Pica, rumination disorder, night-eating syndrome, and orthorexia can be any weight. Moreover, a thin person with an ED may not have AN—they might have ARFID, BED, BN, or so many more.

And most importantly, most anorexics are not underweight. There exists a diagnostic distinction between AN and so-called atypical AN, wherein the sole difference is that atypical anorexics are not underweight. That's it. That's the one difference.

It's also a completely BS distinction, since ED psychopathology is as bad/worse in atypical AN, and atypical AN recovery rates are marginally worse. The two are the same illness. How thin you are does not necessarily correlate with how restrictive you are, and every use of 'anorexic' as a synonym for 'thin' is indicative of a total misunderstanding of the complexity of this disorder.

Have courage. Give me obese characters with BN and AN, normal-weight characters with BED, characters of all weights with ARFID. Please: I'm outright begging at this point.

3. Sensationalising weight makes us feel, unsurprisingly, fairly awful

Writing eating-disordered characters by focussing on their weight is an excellent way to sensationalise the illness and implant a horrible feeling in audience mouths. If I google search images for anorexia, I will see ribs and spines everywhere. If I google search images for bulimia, I will see extremely thin young women eating pizza or crouched beside toilets. If I google search images for binge-eating disorder, there's no end to the pizza.

There is no definitive size eating-disordered folks are. But the more we see EDs represented in extremes of thinness and fatness—think To the Bone or The Whale—the more we, as a society, convey the message that by not fitting a size mould, people aren't sick enough to have a problem. And that perpetuates the cycle of hiding disordered behaviours and getting thinner.

Making a show of how thin or fat certain characters are is a great way to make people with EDs feel embarrassed either by their similarity to the thin/fat people depicted ('wow, I am disgusting') or by their lack of similarity ('I was never anywhere near that thin. God, I couldn't even succeed at being a failure'). So, please don't emphasise specific emaciated or larger body parts as explicitly indicative of an eating disorder.

4. Please keep the numbers out of this

I don't have the perspective to speak from the POV of those with other disorders, but I can say this much: Anorexia is a very analytical illness—will I be small enough to fit in this space, hold this, do this? —and seeing someone else's minimum weight is an excellent way to make someone feel as if they are a failure for being less thin. This is especially problematic given that 'xxkg lady' is a headline that sells like wildfire in a world where most anorexics aren't thin. I love Hank Green and his work, but the CrashCourse video on eating disorders is an excellent example of how not to handle talking about weight: explicit height/weight numbers are mentioned for the hypothetical sick woman, emphasising the role of emaciation in the illness. It's a bit sensationalist and very triggering.

This is also one of the things Heartstopper (the comic – I haven't watched the show) does right. Though it's not perfect, Charlie's weight is never given a number, and while he's shown to be unhealthily thin, we never get an explicit close-up of any bones or the like. It's other physical symptoms, like fainting and constant coldness, that make it clear that he's seriously, seriously ill. And that took immense, immense tact. Also the fact that later on, after diagnosis, he's explicitly said to have anorexia, rather than the smokescreen of 'an ED', and that he still struggles after he starts recovery... those are all very respectful ways of writing ED-having characters. Alice Oseman, I tip my hat to you.

I'd recommend against mentioning numbers of calories in anything (guess who once scrolled through an ED blog, found out the number of calories in a normal breakfast food, and then was promptly very scared of eating such), or about mentioning explicit amounts of food. Moreover, if you're going to depict a character eating, please do it carefully.

If you want to mention any numbers when writing eating-disordered characters: mention blood pressure, temperature or rate of weight loss/gain (I don't think it's awful to say 'lost/gained this much in this much time), but keep the discourse around rate of any weight change as neutral as possible. If I say I weighed xyz kilograms at my sickest, that doesn't do justice to the illness. If I say my temperature was about 35 degrees and my blood pressure was 59/40, it does, but it's not exactly something that can be made competitive as easily.

5. Don't sensationalise amounts

See above. We don't need to know the explicit number of slices of pizza/bags of xyz/bars of abc that a character consumed during a binge, nor how little a character with a restrictive ED had for breakfast. There is an immense amount of horror that can be engendered through implication. One exception—showing that a character can remember the exact number of whatever food they consumed (so long as this isn't being done in kcal/kj) is an excellent way to show disordered eating behaviour! e.g. I generally count how many water crackers I eat in a snack and have strict (low) limits on how many I'm allowed per day. This is proof AN doesn't go away too quickly.

6. Don't sensationalise weight, generally

This goes out to every time i've seen neuroleptics bashed for having the side-effect of weight gain, but without it being then explained that there are a host of many, many other side effects, most of which are much worse than weight gain.

This goes out to every time I walked out of the ED clinic and saw the Jenny Craig ads across the road.

This goes out to every time I see losing weight promoted as a panacea for every single health condition, including those that cause weight gain.

Showing weight gain in an overly negative light or isolating it when it's one of many, many other things in a category is just tasteless. Please, don't do this.

7. Don't sensationalise kinds of food

Some binge-eaters will never touch pizza or chocolate in a binge. Some anorexics friggin' love chocolate. Don't assume a diagnosis necessarily means one will have or lack a sweet tooth.

8. Setting up ground for comparisons is... worrisome

We probably don't want to know the specifics of someone's diet, clothing size, or any of the like. When handling EDs, please don't focus on the specifics of what someone consumes or how large/small they are.

9. Don't assume EDs are character traits

BN and AN are correlated with perfectionism and harm avoidance, amongst other things, but EDs aren't personality traits. Bingeing is not sloppiness. Restriction is not vanity. Please don't assume these behaviours are indicative of what's in the soul.

10. Please don't focus on white, young, otherwise-neurotypical women

People of all ethnicities, ages, genders, and neurotypes can have eating disorders, natch. There is no single way to look or be eating-disordered.

11. Please don't assume we get better immediately

When you live with an ED, you live with a voice in the back of your head that is constantly vying to hit the self-destruct button. And it isolates you and mimics your own voice, and after a time, it becomes extremely difficult to tell it from your own thoughts. It's being taken over and possessed, semi-conscious, from the inside. It's living in a trance and being made a puppet. It is learned helplessness. It is sewn into the fabric of your thought, your speech, your values. Even before you are acutely sick, you live with it inside you. Learning to survive an ED is learning to live with it beside you—becoming less helpless to the behaviour, but no less aware of the thought for a very long time. Recovery is possible, but it's most certainly not linear, and most certainly a long, long process.

Recovery is not merely the cessation of the behaviour, or weight restoration. It's a disservice to ED-havers to say you can easily get to a point of never having ED thoughts ever again. So know that we are living with our illnesses every day, but that even so, we can move on. Grant us the grace to let us admit we won't always be well, and guide us nevertheless to believing in our own ability to recover.

[muu-kun]

Muu’s Mental Health Master Documents: The Clustered Conditions (2/3)

Disclaimer: Triggering material does apply. Proceed at your own caution. (Present topics include mentions of suic*dal thoughts, self harm, and sexual abuse / assault)

i. Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to regulate their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others. 

▸ Risks factors for developing the disorder (which can occur in adolescence AND early adulthood) include:

Childhood events that dealt with emotional, physical, sexual abuse (which alone make up as much as 70% of being present in the upbringings of those diagnosed with this condition)

Loss (home or family members)

Neglect

Abandonment

Bullying.

General family history

Brain structure / Functionality

In Muu's case, the seed for BPD was planted in early childhood by predominantly unintentional instances of neglect, yet it didn't truly blossom into becoming a problematic aspect of his social relationships until wounds reopened during his first-- and then only emotionally neglectful-- romantic relationship.

▸ Symptoms of BPD**:

Tendency to see things in the extreme / black and white. All good or all bad. This one was the clearest indicator of it to Muu while his psychiatrist and himself were discussing the possibility of him fitting the criteria for diagnosis. He VERY consistently struggles with gray area thoughts. Moral scrupulosity has not aided him any in being able to retrain his brain into being able to process such to say the least.

Efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment, such as plunging headfirst into relationships—or ending them just as quickly. It’s common for people with BPD to feel uncomfortable being alone. When people with BPD feel that they’re being abandoned or neglected, they feel intense fear or anger. They might track their loved ones’ whereabouts or stop them from leaving. Or they might push people away before getting too close to avoid rejection.

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones. People with BPD find it challenging to keep healthy personal relationships because they tend to change their views of others abruptly and dramatically. They can go from idealizing others to devaluing them quickly and vice versa. Their friendships, marriages and relationships with family members are often chaotic and unstable.

A distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self. People with BPD often have a distorted or unclear self-image and often feel guilty or ashamed and see themselves as “bad.” They may also abruptly and dramatically change their self-image, shown by suddenly changing their goals, opinions, careers or friends. They also tend to sabotage their own progress. For instance, they may fail a test on purpose, ruin relationships or get fired from a job.

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating. Please note: If these behaviors happen mostly during times of elevated mood or energy, they may be symptoms of a mood disorder and not borderline personality disorder.

Repeated self-harm or suicidal behavior: People with BPD may cut, burn or injure themselves (self-harm) or threaten to do so. They may also have suicidal thoughts. These self-destructive acts are usually triggered by rejection, possible abandonment or disappointment in a caregiver or lover.

Intense and highly variable moods. People with BPD may experience sudden changes in how they feel about others, themselves and the world around them. Irrational emotions — including uncontrollable anger, fear, anxiety, hatred, sadness and love — change frequently and suddenly. These swings usually only last a few hours and rarely more than a few days.

Chronic feelings of emptiness. Many people with BPD feel sad, bored, unfulfilled or “empty.” Feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common, too

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger. People with BPD have difficulty controlling their anger and often become intensely angry. They may express their anger with biting sarcasm, bitterness or angry tirades. These episodes are often followed by shame and guilt.

Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside one’s body, or feelings of unreality.

Temporary paranoid thoughts: Dissociative episodes, paranoid thoughts and sometimes hallucinations may be triggered by extreme stress, usually fear of abandonment. These symptoms are temporary and usually not severe enough to be considered a separate disorder.

**Not everyone with borderline personality disorder may experience all of these symptoms. The severity, frequency, and duration of these symptoms depend on the person and their illness. Most of the time, BPD symptoms gradually decrease with age. With the right treatment, many people with BPD learn to manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life.

ii. Avoidant Personality Disorder

People with avoidant personality disorder have chronic feelings of inadequacy and are highly sensitive to being negatively judged by others. Though they would like to interact with others, they tend to avoid social interaction due to the intense fear of being rejected by others. Those with the condition have a lifelong pattern of extreme shyness. Essentially, the primary characteristics of this disorder are being very sensitive to critique, feeling inadequate or 'less than,' and avoiding social situations.

With this one, I would say Muu presented signs of APD / AVPD in childhood as it was comorbid with early indicators of OCD by the manner in which he was so semi-verbal outside of the home that he only spoke in two word increments until he acquired with certainty that he was safe to communicate beyond that. From there, I would say he significantly began to part from it in late adolescence when he really got out of his shell and advocated for himself against the negativity present at the time. When he began to be heavily abused and bullied by his adult peers as they moved onto the next stage of life together, this one very much came back 100x more magnified. Like with BPD, he could find himself overcoming this one with the right management techniques and by genuinely applying methods instructed to him by his therapy team. There is a free spirited soul tucked deep behind all the walls he's curated in the hopes of showing to people they can be kind to him now.

▸ Most common fears presented in those with AVPD:

Rejection

Disapproval

Embarrassment

Criticism

Getting to know new people

Intimate relationships

Ridicule

▸ Causes and Risk Factors:

The cause of APD and other personality disorders is unknown. Researchers think genetic and environmental factors might play a role. Those with the disorder often report past experiences of parental or peer rejection, which can impact a person’s self-esteem and sense of worth.

Having another mental health condition like depression or anxiety

A family history of depression, anxiety, or personality disorders

Childhood abuse, trauma, or neglect

Trauma including suffering an extreme incident of ridicule or rejection in childhood

Genetics, trauma, or a physical illness that alter your appearance beyond societal norms

▸ Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptoms and Signs:

Overly sensitive and easily hurt by criticism or disapproval.

Have few, if any, close friends and are reluctant to become involved with others unless certain of being liked.

Experience extreme anxiety (nervousness) and fear in social settings and relationships, leading them to avoid activities or jobs that involve being with others.

Tend to be shy, awkward, and self-conscious in social situations due to a fear of doing something wrong or being embarrassed.

Tend to exaggerate potential problems.

Seldom try anything new or take chances due to fear of being ridiculed or humiliated

Have a poor self-image, seeing themselves as inadequate and inferior. Thinking one is inferior to others, unappealing, and inept

Avoid work activities that involve contact with others. This is due to fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.

Hold back in relationships because they’re afraid they’ll be ridiculed or humiliated

A tendency to hide, either in baggy, nondescript clothing or by staying in the background in social situations

Becoming preoccupied with being rejected, laughed at, or shamed in social or work situations

A fear of rejection that prohibits meeting new people or making new friends, even if one would like to.

iii. Agoraphobia

Defined as: The extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one's own home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult. It causes people to avoid places and situations that might cause them to feel: trapped, helpless, panicked, embarrassed, or scared.

▸ Can develop as a complication of panic disorder, but it is NOT required. Psychological (or genetic) factors can also increase the risk of developing agoraphobia. Those include:

A traumatic childhood experience, such as the death of a parent or being sexually abused. Or a history of physical or sexual abuse just in general.

Experiencing a stressful event, such as bereavement, divorce, or losing your job

A previous history of mental illnesses, such as depression, anorexia nervosa or bulimia

Alcohol misuse or drug misuse

Being in an unhappy relationship, or in a relationship where your partner is very controlling

Depression

Other phobias, such as claustrophobia and social phobia

Having another type of anxiety disorder, such as generalized anxiety disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder

Family history of agoraphobia

▸ Underlying fears that are most common with agoraphobia when it is NOT linked to a panic disorder:

Being a victim of violent crime or a terrorist attack if you leave your house

Becoming infected by a serious illness if you visit crowded places

Doing something by accident that will result in you embarrassing or humiliating yourself in front of others

In Muu's case with agoraphobia, the first and third are the most applicable at honing in on where his is derived from. For him, he is so consumed by fear of being abused again, and in a manner where he will have maybe caused it by acting in a shameful, or enraging manner, that he finds leaving his home VERY difficult. There are few spaces he feels safe in outside of it. Those include the homes of his closest friends, the studio he works at, and a few other buildings that bring him a familiar sense of nostalgia to be in that he can handle his time spent in it fairly well. Grocery stores are also not a triggering location for him, so completing errands once he steps inside of one has never been difficult for him. It is mainly.. everywhere else that triggers his inclination for agoraphobia, because all of his abusers are still out there. No one ever came to be held accountable, or was punished by any means. There never came to fruition any kind of indication that what they did was wrong until years later, and even then that can be muddled down to a fruitless endeavor as just as quickly as he rose to chant it to the heavens, they called back a clear reminder that many still consider what happened to him was his own fault. To him, he finds it easier to avoid abuse than to wonder how it is that he can verify in his social interactions with peers that he is not deserving of abuse, because, again, he lacks the ability to think in a manner that isn't black and white when it comes to the subject. In his mind, people are either worth abusing, or they aren't. And only those of the latter are allowed the ability to not only advocate for themselves, but to also be comforted and supported throughout the course of doing so.

▸ Signs of Agoraphobia

Being afraid of leaving their home for extended periods of time.

Being afraid of being alone in the social situation.

Being afraid of losing control in a public place.

Being afraid of being in places where it would be difficult to escape, such as a car or elevator.

Being detached or estranged from others.

Being anxious or agitated.

Being afraid of using public transportation.

Being afraid of being in an open space.

Being afraid of being in an enclosed space, such as a movie theater, meeting room or small store.

Being afraid of standing in a line or being in a crowd.

Being afraid of being out of their home alone.

▸ Symptoms of Agoraphobia that MAY be experienced (those that are most commonly encountered by Muu personally are highlighted):

Chest pain or rapid heart rate.

Fear or a shaky feeling.

Hyperventilation or trouble breathing.

Lightheadedness or dizziness.

Sudden chills or flushing (red, hot face).

Excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis).

Upset stomach.

Fun fact: ALL of these conditions listed in this particular cluster can be GREATLY improved upon through cognitive behavior therapy (otherwise known as CBT). Which coincidently is the type of therapy Muu's sessions are specialized in. There is a heavy possibility that he could find that all of these conditions may no longer hinder him as heavily as they do presently should he keep up with the strategies given to him on living a full and proactive life. That is of course easier said than done for someone with such deeply rooted self esteem issues, BUT to say he may NEVER return to having a sense of self that mirrors his state of being when he most true to himself is incorrect The opportunities are there; he just has to own them through consistent, self driven attempts at improvement.

[sitronsangbody]

NB: this has less to do with fatness and more to do with food, but I wanna talk about it nonetheless.

A lot of people seem to be saying "eating disorders" when they really just mean anorexia (or sometimes anorexia and bulimia). Binge eating disorder is the most common and by far the least discussed. I'm not entirely sure why that is.

In any case, I think it's often unhelpful to talk as though all eating disorders are basically the same. Yes, it always comes down to healing your relationship with food, but that can mean some very different things.

If you've been dieting forever, if you've been starving yourself and cutting out foods, healing means learning to listen to your hunger cues and eating without obsessing. It means letting go of a compulsive need for control. It means working to rid yourself of shame and guilt when it comes to food. To truly learn to trust that you are allowed to eat when you want to eat.

I've struggled with bingeing behaviors. Sometimes I slide into a compulsive, addictive relationship with food that takes away from my quality of life and my actual enjoyment of food. Working that out means getting rid of obsession and shame, yes, and listening to the body's cues - but what I struggle with mainly is noticing when I'm full, and unpacking anxieties related to that. Rather than let go of the need for control, I need to take back some control, and not be driven by compulsions. I was also recently diagnosed with IBS, so the way I eat has a considerable impact on my day-to-day life in ways that have nothing to do with my weight.

And that is hard to talk about in fat activist spaces. Sometimes people take food positivity to mean "starving yourself is the only way to have a fraught relationship with food". So many people outside the community think that healing binge eating disorder means losing weight, and that view seeps into the community as well. A lot of people hear "I struggle with overeating" as "I need to be thinner", when that's absolutely not the point.

I'm not done thinking about this stuff, so I don't really have a conclusion besides... idk, your baggage is valid. Binge eating disorder is real, and healing from it is not fatphobic.

[baugobanks]

Research for a new book

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often exhibit a range of behaviors that are driven by their intense emotional instability, fear of abandonment, and impulsivity. Here are some of the most common behaviors associated with BPD:

1. **Unstable Relationships**:

- **Idealization and Devaluation**: People with BPD may rapidly shift between idealizing and devaluing their partners or friends, leading to highly unstable relationships[3][4][5].

- **Fear of Abandonment**: A pervasive fear of real or imagined abandonment can lead to frantic efforts to avoid being alone, including clingy behavior or sudden endings of relationships[1][3][5].

2. **Emotional Instability**:

- **Mood Swings**: Intense mood swings that can last from a few hours to a few days, including feelings of irritability, anxiety, and chronic emptiness[1][3][5].

- **Anger Issues**: Inappropriate bouts of intense anger and difficulty controlling anger, which can lead to verbal or physical outbursts[1][4][5].

3. **Impulsivity**:

- **Risky Behaviors**: Engaging in impulsive and often dangerous behaviors such as reckless driving, substance abuse, binge eating, or unprotected sex[2][3][4].

- **Self-Harming Behavior**: Self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts, or threats, often as a way to cope with emotional pain or to avoid feelings of abandonment[1][3][4].

4. **Unstable Self-Image**:

- **Rapid Changes in Goals and Values**: An unstable sense of self can lead to quick changes in goals, careers, and personal values[2][4][5].

- **Dissociative Thoughts**: Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself or observing oneself from outside one’s body[3][4].

5. **Black-and-White Thinking**:

- **Extreme Evaluations**: Viewing things in extremes, such as all good or all bad, which can lead to unstable relationships and emotional turmoil[2][3][5].

6. **Chronic Feelings of Emptiness**:

- **Boredom and Emptiness**: Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, which can drive impulsive behaviors in search of excitement or emotional fulfillment[1][4][5].

7. **Manipulative and Controlling Behavior**:

- **Desperate Acts**: Engaging in desperate acts to avoid abandonment, such as manipulation, lashing out, or self-destructive behaviors[2][3][5].

These behaviors are indicative of the complex and challenging nature of BPD, highlighting the need for comprehensive treatment and support to manage symptoms effectively.

Sources

[1] Borderline Personality Disorder: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9762-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd

[2] How Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Behavior https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder/how-bpd-affects-behavior/

[3] Borderline Personality Disorder - National Institute of Mental Health https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder

[4] The Four Types of Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.optimumperformanceinstitute.com/bpd-treatment/bpd-symptoms-examined/

[5] Borderline personality disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237

[6] Everything You Need To Know About Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/bpd

[7] Abnormal Behavior | Definition, Criteria & Examples - Lesson | Study.com https://study.com/learn/lesson/abnormal-behavior-examples-criteria.html

[8] The Breakup Cycle in Borderline Personality Disorder: Understanding and Navigating | Grouport Journal https://www.grouporttherapy.com/blog/borderline-personality-disorder-breakup-cycle