#Best of buddies who have absolutely no problem talking shit to one another

[solardee]

UTEV Drabble - Brand New Star

The day had been chaotic, even by Sans’ standards. It wasn’t everyday that your small town got treated to a fight between two inter-dimensional… deities? Spirits? Whatever they were, they looked like skeleton monsters, albeit very strange ones. The taller of the two, an angelic skeleton of some sort, had briefly introduced himself as Dawn before heralding off to do battle with his brother(?) in the distance.

A battle between positivity and negativity is what it was called. How strange. Of course, those two hadn’t been the only two that had come through. There had been a collection of other skeletons that looked eerily similar to him! Even if they seemed to take his lazy brother’s approach to clothing (he hoped they didn’t also leave socks lying around, what a nightmare!) they still looked and spoke just like him.

The same could not be said for the short paint covered skeleton standing beside him spouting exposition.

“So yeah! In a nutshell, that’s how the Multiverse works. Technically you don’t have a creator overseeing your AU since your world isn’t original, but that’s why I’m here and-” “LOOK,” Sans said as patiently as he could, cutting off the confusing tirade he had honestly tuned out about twenty minutes ago, “AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE THE EXPLANATION, THAT’S NOT REALLY ANSWERING MY QUESTION HERE.”

He fiddled with the first aid kit in his hands as he spoke, hoping he didn’t come off as rude, “I NEED TO FIND THOSE PEOPLE THAT WENT OFF WITH YOUR FRIEND, HIS NAME WAS DAWN RIGHT? EVERYONE ELSE IS HEALED, BUT THEY STILL HAVEN’T COME BACK.”

“Oh, right!” the painted skeleton who still had not yet introduced himself shouted, before he laughed, “They’re not coming back, so don’t worry about them!”

Sans blinked, “THEY’RE NOT? WHY NOT? WHERE HAVE THEY GONE?”

“Oh, Dawn’s taking care of them, that’s all. Something about their intentions- Oooooh, is that a echo flower variation?” the skeleton veered from the topic, despite Sans’ flustered attempts to keep their attention.

“WAIT -! OH STARS THEY’RE GONE…” Sans sighed to himself. What a day this was, and now he had even more questions!

He had been warned, when helping the strange skeleton named Dawn evacuate people, that his main goal was to keep 'Dusk' from harming people or kidnapping them. The people who had vanished had been some of the first ones he’d evacuated, not having been anywhere near the strange goopy skeleton and his posse of doppelgangers. Sure, Sans hadn’t appreciated when they had shoved him in the way of a dangerous blast in an attempt to use him as a shield while escaping, but Dawn had gotten in the way before he was harmed so he figured he shouldn’t complain.

That being said… it was odd. Dawn had moved faster than he did at any other point of the fight at that moment. It had been a significant speed change. Even stranger still… None of the injuries he had treated had come from the opposition. He had expected to find knife wounds or patches of that strange blackened substance, but the majority of the wounds he treated were purely environmental. Otherwise, it was mostly burn wounds…

Sans shook his head, something just wasn’t lining up.

“Well well well, don’t you look lost in thought!” a voice came from right behind him, causing Sans to jump almost comidically off the ground.

“Whoa now, don’t fall!” the voice continued, a gloved hand on his shoulder steadying him enough to turn around and face the other, “goodness, you’re not too shell shocked are you? I know that blast was rough but I didn’t think it had reached you…” Dawn hummed as he checked Sans over, seemingly looking for wounds with that star-like gaze.

“WHERE ARE THE TWO MONSTERS THAT WERE WITH YOU?” Sans asked immediately, ignoring the other’s concern and brushing the hand off of his shoulder, “YOUR FRIEND SAID YOU TOOK THEM.”

“Ah? Two monsters? Sorry, I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Dawn shrugged his shoulders a bit too casually, hand now on his hip bone, “You shouldn’t listen to Acrylic too much anyways, they don't always have the best perception of things-”

“I KNOW SOMETHING HAD TO HAVE BEEN DONE, THEY WERE THE FIRST ONES I GOT OUT OF THE CROSSFIRE! WHERE ARE THEY? I HAVEN’T TREATED THEM YET," Sans interrupted. It was rude, he knew! But he was nothing if not a dedicated healer, and he wouldn’t be distracted with idle chit chat.

Dawn gave him a look up and down, eyes boring into his soul, “Hmm. Observant, aren’t you?” the winged skeleton answered with a smirk, “They don’t need any treatment anymore, don’t worry about them.”

“WHAT? THAT ISN’T HOW THIS WORKS, ANYONE WHO IS IN THAT FIGHT NEEDS AT LEAST A PHYSICAL CHECK UP, WHO KNOWS IF THERE’S SOMETHING UNDERLYING INJURY THAT WASN’T NOTICED WITH ALL THE ADRENALIN-”

“I said don’t worry about them,” Dawn cut him off, smile still fixed upon his face but now far too sharp and predatory, “focus on your other patients.”

Sans hesitated a moment, staring up at this clearly very powerful creature. Sans had never been a good fighter, working his best to be Snowdin’s go to healer for the Royal Guard rather than joining the group himself (speaking of which, both strange entities had looked surprised at that notion, he’d have to ask why-). Even if he wasn’t stuck with a single hit point of health, it was clear Dawn could crush him in a heartbeat if he so wanted. In fact, he could’ve crushed all of those strange doppelgangers too now that he thought about it...

Sans crossed his arms in front of him, back straight as he glared up at Dawn’s towering figure, “NOT A CHANCE! I WOULDN’T HAVE SO MANY PATIENTS IF YOU HADN’T BEEN SO RECKLESS WITH YOUR FIRE ANYWAYS,” he scolded, hoping he came across as more confident than he felt.

“Are you accusing me of something?” sweet malice was dripping from his words like honey, barely hidden behind the other’s uncanny smile.

“WELL I DIDN’T TREAT ANY WOUNDS FROM THAT BROTHER OF YOURS IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE ASKING!” Sans reiterated, jutting his chin out as he tried not to falter at the dangerous heat radiating from Dawn, “IN FACT, I DIDN’T NOTICE HIM DOING ANYTHING WRONG OF THE SORT!”

Dawn froze at his the mention of his brother, and Sans wasn’t sure if that was really a good thing or not. The angelic skeleton took a step closer to him, circling him like a bird of prey as he looked Sans up and down. The manic grin on his face widened a tad.

“Is that so~?” Dawn practically purred.

“YES, IT IS SO! NOW TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON, BECAUSE I’M NOT PUTTING ANYONE IN DANGER FOR YOU!”

“Ooooh, I like you!”

“I- WHAT?”

“Yes, you’ll do nicely I think, plenty observant, good healing capabilities, a good amount of patience and bravery, though those aren’t in your soul traits-” “WAIT HOLD ON- WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT!? I STILL NEED THOSE TWO- HEY-!!! HEY PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!!!!” Sans didn’t even have time to react before Dawn scooped him up over his shoulder, medical bag abandoned on the ground behind him.

“Dusk is going to be so excited~! Come along then, you’re mine now~” Dawn sing-songed as he opened up a portal, a place he didn’t recognize at all.

“WAIT- WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME- I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS!! PAPYRUS!” Sans shouted as he struggled, kicking at the skeleton to no avail as he was dragged through the portal like a sack of potatoes.

The portal snapped shut, leaving Sans to stare out over… a surprisingly idyllic countryside. He didn’t have any time to process the change in scenery before Dawn slipped him off his shoulder and back onto the ground, facing-

“Another one? Dawn, we talked about this,” the goopy skeleton Sans had been helping evacuate people from drawled on monotonously in front of him. No longer was he shrouded in black, or even as goopy as Sans remembered.

“I found us a new healer! He’ll do great I’m su-”

“I’M SORRY YOU WANT ME TO BE WHAT?”

In the future, Star would suppose there are worse ways to be introduced to your best friend and his brother. He certainly got a great clinic office out of it.

[physalian]

Another 5 Character Types the World Needs More of (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

I did not expect these two posts to continue getting notes. So. Here’s some that didn’t make the cut and a few new ones.

1. Character who is immune to everyone else’s bullshit

This can either be funny or a breath of fresh air. I’m talking your drama cast of 15 all losing their minds over “he said/she said” and fixating on so many ridiculous and arbitrary problems… meanwhile Chuck over here is skinned with teflon and completely immune to tropes like manufactured miscommunication or drama, who’s juuust shy of being genre savvy to Get Shit Done like this is their second time around the block and they are not happy to be back.

The first one to pop into my head is Soundwave from TFP. He has no voice actor for 99% of the show and doesn’t have a face and is only the focus character for like, 2 episodes, but whenever he’s on screen you can just see “I’m surrounded by idiots” playing on repeat in his head. This con is brutally efficient, never messes up, and is never wrong and while everyone else is caught up on ladder-climbing and revenge quests, Soundwave is over here vibing and keeping the whole cause together.

2. The Femme Fatale, but a man

This is not sexy suave abusive asshole hero you’re supposed to root for, who’s a male power fantasy. This is literally the exact same trope, but a man. Meaning, he gets the same revealing uniform, the same “I’m letting you think you’re in charge but really I’m pulling all the strings”. Crucially, he’s straight, because most of them are gay-coded (because the man being in the submissive, ‘girly role’ is horrifying, he must be gay). This dude weaponizes toxic masculinity, making the villains extremely uncomfortable and throwing the villain’s own power fantasy back in their face.

This dude unabashedly flirts with his captors just to get in their heads, removes all concepts of personal space, and makes straight villains seriously question their sexuality. He has social engineering down to a science. I’m sure there’s one that exists, but every one I can think of is already queer-coded and that’s not good enough. So just. Black Widow. But a man.

3. Mary Sue/ Gary Stu who becomes the villain

Since these characters are the product of insecurity and lack of self-awareness… the example for this trope is Titan from Megamind. This character is absolutely the hero of their own story, practically perfect in every way. They think they’re the best at everything without trying, flawless in features and personality, and everybody loves them. And genuinely, they are just that good.

So good, that they live long enough to become the villain. Obviously people who write Mary Sues with full sincerity have no idea that anything’s wrong or problematic, but a genuine Mary Sue whose perfection is their greatest flaw without them even realizing it would be an interesting villain because I’m getting sick and tired of “sympathetic” villains who are really starting to feel like excuses for abusers to be abusive because they were smacked around as a kid.

4. Paragon who is wrong, but also right?

Apparently I’m in a Transformers mood today. There’s an episode where the Autobots’ medic/second in command does the whole “desperate scientist tests their invention on themselves with horrible results” trope and he gains the strength and speed he otherwise hasn’t had in like, eons, and starts kicking ass and taking names (and committing war crimes) to the point where his team is like “uh, buddy, slow down a bit, you’re starting to act like a Decepticon”.

The best part of that episode is where Ratchet (medic) completely unloads on Optimus about how he’s too soft, about how he’s had a million chances to end the war and murder Megatron (which is true) and yet Optimus lets the window pass again and again still hoping for Megatron’s redemption… while in the process, countless Autobots keep dying, collateral keeps happening, all because Optimus is stubborn and won’t just get it over with.

We know Ratchet is right, because throughout the next season, Optimus is a bit more… shall we say, ruthless, in trying to legitimately end the war, Megatron’s redemption be damned. But that episode ends with Ratchet nearly dying when trying to kill Megatron himself, and understanding that the Autobots are Autobots for a reason, because they’re “good,” and sinking to the enemy’s level won’t be a good foundation for a peaceful post-war survival of their species. Point being, sometimes being a Paragon is an incredibly selfish virtue.

5. Parents who know what’s up

So, while I am a firm supporter in the dead parent cliché because parents are super inconvenient sometimes, when it’s not that kind of story and the parents are a big part of the plot… while also being idiots (like Disney and Nickelodeon sitcoms circa 2008), just to make the kids sound smarter, it’s just been done to death. Everything you could think of, your parents probably did when they were your age so having competent parents in the plot as a well-meaning obstacle that continues to surprise the hero is pretty rare in stuff like YA. Usually it’s “I must lie to them to keep them safe” meanwhile Sally Jackson is over here murdering her husband with Medusa’s severed head.

They don’t have to join the hero team, but parents painted as bumbling idiots is a disservice to the mischievous teenagers they used to be. Or just the parent who really does know the kid better than they do, like when kids anxiously come out and the parent is like “honey I knew since you were 3 let’s go get ice cream”. I didn't watch Glee but that one dad who was like "son all you wanted was a pair of sensible shoes, I knew." So yeah. Smart parents. More please.

[revalition]

OCT 13 - SUGGESTION Charm men and women. Play the puppet-master.

snake suggestion my beloved. that will very likely not be the last of you see of him haha. making the most of my weird skill dreams

lots of great quotes under the quote! and valuable insights! (not actually valuable, but shh) would recommend looking through them more than usual though!

suggestion quotes! I had a complete disinterest in this guy tbh, I was rather distracted by the other, arguably better, purple skills in my high PSY playthrough and then I had super low PSY my second and barely heard from him. So it was a lot of fun finding these cause I hadn't seen lots of it yet!

fun suggestion facts from my spreadsheet as well

- he says 'please' to you one time and 'sorry' to you zero times! he might encourage you to do both plenty but is a reasonably unapologetic skill himself (though does resort to self-deprecation several times)

- he has a perfectly average swear score of 5 (I have everyone's swear scores! right now they're only based off of shit and fuck though. so there's room for improvement)

- Says "I" and "we" a perfectly even number of times (not counting quoting others) which I count to deduce if the skill is self centered or not lmao

- refers to kim as "kim" once and lieutenant 20 times! he is respectful of kim!

anyway!

absolutely no way these weren't going in here. confirmed the most useless, compromised skill of all!! (please fire him) also the only guy to give volition a nickname <333 but please dont ever talk about him like that again suggestion

failing this suggestion check over and over! suggestion noooo... resorting to begging at the end. *puh-leeeeeze* 😭

another gorgeous suggestion fail! what a guy

who let this stupid skill into harry's head?

not the two separated words 'bad ass' hghh. this isn't even the only time!!! he writes it as bad-ass *once*. and! he's the one who tells you not to make fun of garte for saying it as two words

suggestion's actually really observant! and has lots of insights into kim!

like he makes sure you know when you did something that lowered kim's opinion of you :) thanks buddy

this is extremely important. I can *hear* his voice cracking on the sorry cop when I read it.

I got called out for being a sorry cop *so* early into my first playthrough. and it was absolutely personal. and I was like wow, I hate this guy already, what's his problem? :)))

(the sorry cop dialogue didn't come up at all my second playthrough haha)

what better idea than to use the expression on evrart? two local idiots advising you :)

it's hilarious to me that succeeding this check against Klaasje at the beginning of the game results in suggestion just telling you not to do it. it's that bad of an idea. it could never succeed.

holding this suggestion failure very gently. I don't remember Suggestion being named Social Anxiety???

ty suggestion, you tell him

sad suggestion :( nooo sweetie you're not. well. maybe a little.

hghkj capitalist suggestion!!

that's what you get for not listening!!

not a screenshot cause I ran out of space but just shoving this in here

+2 Authority: Nothing to lose

+2 Suggestion: I always liked you the best

these are the research bonuses from finger on the eject button. who is he referring to?? :,( you as in harry? you as in authority? a more vague 'you'?

as always, I have to include the super sad dream quotes. poor guy. it's not your fault.

this is so funny. good try suggestion... good try

he's hilarious

look at my two idiots :) <3 look at them.

my delight upon getting this in my first (high PSY) playthrough! we got kim to wear the jacket!

small suggestion win

why does he talk like that??

why? why? shhhh

hating him. throwing suggestion at the wall.

this stupid skilllll

he's an idiot.

volition, with his head in his hands, every time suggestion opens his mouth

thought this was interesting. is suggestion able to infer things from shiver's visions? the way the skills interact with shivers fascinates me endlessly. especially since at one point one of them asks if you've asked the wind for advice before - can they not hear her?? I haven't dug into the shivers dialogue enough yet. next week...

he has so much insight into how to talk to people! gotta put at least one example of him being useful in here...

look at them. they are like oil and water. authority calls him a groveling sycophant so. deserved.

(also merriam webster defines a sycophant as "a servile self-seeking flatterer" and I love that.)

((and servile means "having or showing an excessive willingness to serve or please others" because I had to look that one up too))

is suggestion just a people pleaser under it all? :( why I gotta empathize with even the worst of these guys. echem too, there's *so* much good intention buried under layers and layers of bad coping mechanisms and personality issues and internalized misogyny and self doubt. And those things twist what could be really good advice on communicating and connecting with other people into something manipulative and ugly.

........

.............

(reluctantly picks him up and holds him gently) it's okay. you can heal too someday.

also! there are ZERO suggestion passive fails :( the only other skill with none is H/E coordination (who has like, a quarter the amount of passives sugg has). but it's okay, he gets lots of active fails to make up for it I guess.

that's it for suggestion. I went in here expecting to make a compilation of idiot suggestion quotes (and mostly did) and ended up being endeared by him instead. oops. that's the problem with all these guys, they're *so* strongly shaped by Harry's thoughts and feelings and experiences. Someone else's Suggestion skill might barely be slimy at all. would it still be named Suggestion then?

(mildly related but I don't have a Suggestion in my own system, at least afaik. Which isn't saying a lot because I thought there were only 6 skills in here a week and a half ago and that was. not at all right. so. but it only makes me wonder about him more!!)

[loveabledirtbag]

1.03 - brigade

what a chill opening. we learn carmy owns a coat, AND a hat? not just a white shirt and black pants. that’s what we call character growth, gang.

it’s amazing how in episode one we see the back of mikey’s head, in episode three we hear him say “let it rip, buddy”, and when he is finally revealed later on in the season i had NO idea it was gonna be who it was (more on that later). and now every rewatch when i hear him talk, or we see the back of his head i go “how could i not realize who the actor was playing mikey before it was revealed?”

i had NO idea that was molly ringwald at al-anon for the longest time. but i saw her name in the credits and had to think hard about who it could be! it was honestly like, “well….the only character who even remotely looks kinda like her would be the woman who spoke at the al-anon meeting, but there’s no way….right???” and then i googled it. yeah. that’s molly ringwald! this show does cameos so well. joel mchale last episode, now molly ringwald. so good.

i think it’s really good writing that when carmy attends al-anon for the first time, molly ringwald (i’m sure her character has a name, but i don’t know what it is) talks about “keeping my side of the street clean”, and that inspires carmy to implement it in his own “life”, his life being the shop. however, he doesn’t have the skills, the practice, the knowledge or anything to know how to implement “keeping you side of the street clean”. so he does the best he can with what he has: kitchen systems. which to him means implementing a french brigade. i also love that in the long run doing that DOES actually help the shop, but at the end of this episode we’re kinda shown that it’s a totally shitshow flop.

“remove myself from any situation that is, or could become, toxic”…well, someone’s never worked in the service industry. and i think that’s probably the point? because to me that’s the bigger point being made in her speech, but carmy’s whole life right now is the restaurant, and the restaurant is a toxic situation, and carmy can’t remove himself from his whole life. so he chooses to focus on keeping his side of the street clean instead.

the hard cut to “remove myself from anything toxic” to what is, arguably, the most tense scene of the whole show until episode seven, is very well done. and so poignant. we go from “remove yourself from anything toxic” to jumping RIGHT INTO an extremely toxic situation: richie and sydney screaming at each other, a line out the door, people not doing their job right, the whole works.

also, i don’t want to anger any sydney stans. but i think it’s strange how many people i’ve seen saying that sydney is always perfect, and carmy is always an angry monster. because here is sydney just absolutely making the situation worse by meeting richie at his asshole level. he’s yelling at her, and she’s yelling right back. she’s actively NOT helping. in fact, carmy is the one trying to mediate, and trying to calm everyone down. i’m not trying to shit on sydney! i love sydney. but i’m pointing out that this show is very good at making everyone human. everyone is nuanced. everyone is at fault at one time or another and no one is perfect. im also not defending carmy for every instance. he makes mistakes. REPEATEDLY. but he doesn’t only make mistakes. here is a scene where carmy is trying to do it right, and sydney is at fault. obviously i haven’t even mentioned richie, but that’s because of course richie is at fault. it’s richie. the louder richie is is equal to how wrong he is in any given moment.

the man with the sysco hats orders 2 dogs with everything on them, and richie says “$5.25”…i mean, i know a dog isn’t the most expensive thing in the world, but damn. it’s not exactly a mystery why they were having money problems…i looked up a chicago style hot dog place near me and one dog is $6.25

oh damn, carmy at home, and he’s wearing a black t-shirt! so much character growth! we’re learning carmy owns other clothes!

i think it’s strange in the scene where we see carmy not able to sleep, and so he goes into the restaurant early. because manny, angel, and marcus are already there, but marcus asks “what are you doing here so early?”. that’s not necessarily the most weird thing in the world, bakers are usually the first in at a place, because dough and baking in general takes a lot of time. manny and angel could also be there early to wash dishes. typically dish washers work the hardest in a kitchen. but it is strange because this early into the shift how many dishes are there for them to do? if it’s only marcus getting his prep ready, i don’t think the shop needs to be paying for two dishwashers to wash the few dishes marcus would be making. keep in mind that the beef also only has two dishwashers when they are going through a wild and hectic dinner rush. i find it more believable that they’d need two dishwashers for a dinner rush (professional dishwashers are some of the most skilled dish cleaners you’ll ever meet. they’ll clean shit so fucking fast it’ll blow your mind) more than i believe they need two dishwashers right away in the morning when it’s just marcus prepping dough for sandwich bread. but that’s not even the weird part! marcus wonders why carmy is there early, but then sydney just happens to also be there. she’s just getting in, but she’s at the shop too and no one thinks its weird she’s there so early. and then just a few minutes later ebra is also there. if so many cooks are at the beef right away in the morning, why is it weird that carmy is there? we already know carmy is obsessed with the place and spends all his time there. and he’s also the one who is supposed to be directing everyone in their cooking, as well as helping with prep and cooking himself. so why is it strange that he’s there so early? i assume it is just the writers trying to let us the audience know that he couldn’t sleep?

i do love the sort of inspirational talk carmy and marcus have. where carmy is trying not to be triggered by thoughts of his past restaurant while looking at all the dishes he used to make, as he tells marcus stories, and as marcus is being inspired by them.

not that i’m the most knowledgeable person on cooking and kitchens, my time has been pretty limited, but TWELVE PEOPLE??? i’ve never heard of a dish that takes twelve people to make. by my best estimates with carmy explaining how to make the dish he only mentions maybe 6 people: the two chefs cooking down the plum wine. the person(s) cooking the plum consommé. which carmy says takes hours, so let’s just say it takes two shifts which means two chefs. the chef making the compressed plums. and then maybe a different chef who takes the consommé and makes it into the gelée. idk how you take six chefs and make that into twelve, but DAMN

carmy talks about these compressed plums cut into perfect squares, but there’s no square plums in the picture. which is so confusing to me. i’ve thought about this forever. i hate how much time this has taken up in my life. the plums are circular in the picture, but carmy says squares. why didn’t they write it differently? they had to have had the reference photo for the dish, right?

i like to think that the chef who cracked the plum gelée was luca from copenhagen. but as carmy tells the story we’re only getting flashbacks to his shop in new york, and we don’t have any evidence that luca worked with carmy in new york.

i’m glad that the show addressed being a woman in the kitchen. i know that being a woman in the service industry is getting better, BUT there’s still so much work and progress that needs to be made. obviously. and so we have two women in the beefs kitchen and one has learned how to be as tough as nails (tina) and the other has proved herself with talent, and is insistent that she doesn’t need any help with anything (syd).

it’s also poignant, because sydney is tiny and marcus is a giant with a golden retriever soul, and he just wants to help without even thinking of the fact that sydney is a woman. that’s obviously not an excuse, but i really believe marcus is just puppy-dogging his way forward and is just like “can i help? that thing is three feet above your head, but it’s at my eye line so i can grab it!” and sydney struggling with all her might is like “nah! i got it!” even though she clearly doesn’t got it.

the continuation of the tomato mystery!!! mikey was buying tiny little cans? even though the bigger cans are cheaper per ounce? whatta mysteryyyyyyyyyy????? (more on that later)

the short back and forth between carmy and ebra *chefs kiss*! again, ebra is criminally underused! even more so in season two (more on THAT later). but “english carmen!” “the more i understand about michael, the less i understand. rest in peace, young man” “who cares? we don’t use tomatoes anyway”. there’s nothing abundantly funny in the lines, but ebra’s delivery is just PERFECT

the conversation between carmy and sydney, specifically the conversation continually being interrupted, is just spot on. i don’t think i had a single meeting or important conversation with someone when i worked service industry that wasn’t continually interrupted by a million things. seriously, gang….management in service industry is just a fucking lot.

i think carmy’s idea makes a lot of sense, and also has some context to it. even in episode one carmy says he wants to start defining roles in the shop. i get sydney’s hesitancy because of her history in restaurants, and carmy does a bad job explaining his reasoning behind it. but if you’re dealing with a chaotic shit show, isn’t part of the answer introducing some order?

THAT BEING SAID: the moment sydney agrees to running the kitchen in this new system and carmy says let’s go is SO SHITTY. it might be one of the worst things carmy does in the whole show. reordering an entire restaurants workflow, when some of the staff have been there for DECADES, and putting the responsibility on the newest hire, and then telling her the moment she agrees that it’s gonna happen that instant and she’s going to be running the meeting where is being announced...it’s stupidity to the utmost extreme. i know carmy isn’t trying to be shitty, but FUCK dude. that is SHITTY.

“yo, carm the phone ringing” ….no shit marcus. it’s been ringing all morning, in carmy’s office. where carmy just came from. again, it’s probably a writers technique to show us that the phone ringing is something that we should have on our mind, because this shows sound design is very intentional, and it’s possible we could subconsciously think that the phone ringing is only meant to add to the chaotic sounds of the shop. but when thought of practically…carmy can probably hear the phone marcus.

once again, carmy talking about harnessing their gifts, organizing the special thing the whole team has. in my opinion he is coming from a place of respect, and love for these people (many of whom he has known for years) and wants to give them a chance that life has denied them because he knows they can rise to the occasion if given the chance. but i can also see where people could argue carmy is white-savioring, or “my fair lady”-ing, or some other toxic thing. but i do think carmy is going about this with the right intentions, and not as “i’m better than these peasants, they need my help”

what a weak pun by richie. escoffier/scoffi-gay. weak. i mean, yea, also homophobic and offensive. but what a crime to name puns. come on richie.

i wonder if it means anything that as richie makes the joke, the camera is on angel and he looks sort of annoyed and displeased at richie. we’re two seasons in without knowing much about angel, it could just be a camera cut to make the scene more interesting and dynamic, but for some reason angel is looking at richie and he doesn’t look happy

“i was in a brigade once” “what happened?” “many people died” GOD, EBRA! so funny! but also, fuck, that’s tragic dude! but then carmy’s “…o-okay, this is gonna be different”. is delivered so well. just the air of “i didn’t think i’d have to be telling people that a french cooking brigade would be different than a somalian army brigade…”

“like hierarchy!” “more like a regular chill-archy…” syd is so awkward, and this is one of those scenes where you close your eyes and groan because you wish she was anything but awkward. the writing, the acting. god, so good!

“i’m the sous, right? which means i just follow orders even if it leads to tension, and chaos and resentment and ultimately doesn’t work. but yeah, that’s what i do.” is SO GOOD. if any good person has ever been in a management position before, they KNOW that’s the eternal power struggle between owners and staff. and is also why i think the service industry desperately needs to unionize. because far, far, far too often managers have to voice something from ownership that fucks over the staff because part of their job is just to do as they are told, much like how staffs job is to follow orders from management. and it sucks! and if a good person is not careful, they follow orders and ignore their conscious and walk right off a cliff and suddenly they’re in a viral video talking to camera’s about how their staff deserve to work minimum wage without being allowed bathroom breaks for 12 hour shifts and how child labor laws are ruining this country, all because they’re just doing what the owners are saying and they forget that they’re in charge of actual human beings.

“chef de partie?” “yes” “…i accept!” GOD EBRA!!! i would die for ebra.

i love with the camerawork that from richies face we know something isn’t quite on the level with niko. we don’t know what (yet) but his face says “damnit niko, why are you calling? don’t mess this up for me and get me in trouble.” that’s added to by the subtle “i’ll hit him” from richie. he means “i’ll hit him back” as in “i’ll get back in touch with him and talk” but by cutting out the “back” it sounds a little more threatening: “i’ll hit him”, “i’ll punch him, because he’s gonna get me in trouble.”

also, it’s so beautiful and sad that carmy can’t see richie’s face. because he says that it felt like mikey was alive for a second. and richie looks like “i know exactly what you mean” but richie also looks like he’s saying “i can’t deal with that right now; because i’m barely holding on myself, so i can’t carry you too.” so richie says “no thanks” and carmy is just left to believe richie doesn’t care about him. just more assholery from richie. but we the audience know, oh, richie is broken.

i think the show does a decent job of showing anxiety and panic this season. BUT i think they go above and beyond in season two. the ringing and grabbing his heart is good, but season two really helps channel the anxiety

peep the crisp white sneakers on carmy’s feet as he walks into the church for al-anon. i know jeremy allen white is a sneaker boy, and i wonder if those shoes are just jeremy’s, or if they also wanted to give carmy some sick sneaks to go along with his denim love

quick peep at syd’s japanese knife. much like carmy’s japenese knives. i don’t know if anyone reading this knows about different countries knife philosophies and how their knives are designed to suit that philosophy (maybe philosophy is too strong a word…), but it’s interesting that carmy and sydney share a similar knife

ah, hiding in the walk-in because you need a moment to yourself to stop yourself from crying. i miss it and also don’t miss it. you know? maybe that’s ptsd? the scene is all the better because syd goes into the walk-in talking to the team with the most empty cadence a person can have. she’s saying what she’s supposed to be saying but she doesn’t believe a word of it herself. which also means the team doesn’t believe a word she says

ok. there’s very few good things to say about tina up to this point, which is probably why i haven’t talked about her much. but the fact that she clearly has so much beef with syd, but still she goes into shop-mom mode the moment sydney gets a cut. i just love it. every shop has a shop-mom and every shop needs a shop mom. tina is one of my favorite characters, of all time, and her journey is so well done this season.

and of course sydney doesn’t help anything by getting defensive and once again trying to prove how good and tough she is, instead of just accepting the care and help she needs.

and….of coooourse tina goes from trying to help sydney to then immediately turning the heat up on her stock and sabotaging her. because tina might be the shop mom, but sydney is annoying her, and trying to change everything, and so shop mom goes mama bear on her and fucks with her.

sloppiest “assumed” drug deal ever between richie and niko. like they’re looking around and trying not to get caught and somehow they miss that carmy is RIGHT THERE

here again with syd’s burnt stock, carmy is a little bit of an asshole. obviously we think he’s being more of an asshole than he is, because we know sydney is having a hard time being the sous in the shop with everyone against her, but carmy doesn’t. to carmy, he put the only highly skilled chef in charge while he left, and he gets back and no one is doing what they should AND sydney is (seemingly) making rookie mistakes which she should know better than to make. so he does get a little angry at her, and even from his prospective he could have been less intense, BUT from his view it’s like “how did you mess this up? this is cooking 101”.

again too, when sydney’s trying to explain that tina should be on onions, but tina’s on lemons and carmy just wants her to say “yes, chef” and do the onions…i have mixed feelings on. because, once again, we the audience know that carmy is being an asshole and not helping sydney’s already shitty day. but carmy doesn’t know about sydney’s shitty day (which is also his fault), and to his credit sydney trying to explain that she has tried to get tina to what she’s been told and tina isn’t listening sounds a lot more like whining than explaining. there are times and places, and right after being scolded for burning your stock is not the time to try and explain that the real problem is actually not you, but tina. is carmy ultimately way in the wrong? yeah! but he’s asking syd to say “yes” and in the moment she should have just said “yes”. your bosses makes mistakes, and when they’re telling you something, it’s not the best time to show that they’re wrong and you’re right. sometimes you just gotta say yes, and hate them in your head. and if they’re a good boss (like carmy is) you then go and talk to them when things are calmer. they have that moment later in the episode when things are calmer.

i’m not trying to say that people just have to put up with angry shit from their bosses…but in a moment of stress, ESPECIALLY when you’re in the service industry, sometimes you just gotta nod your head, take whatever they say, and curse them in your head. because in a heated and hectic moment in a shop, you’re not gonna convince them of the nuanced issues going on. that has to come later when things calm down and they have a clear head.

knowing that the hands that are prepping the food are actually syd’s and carmy’s hands (i know the actors have names, i’m sticking with syd and carmy) never ceases to amaze me. especially in the scene where syd preps the onions, because you can really tell she got skilled at it. with carmy they cut back and forth and so they can make us think he’s moving faster than he is, but they had a long shot of sydney just cutting, and she was zooming through. (the gif below is carmy because i was struggling to find a gif of syd cutting)

i always wanna know why the suqaar isn’t good? like, it’s so bad that sydney is near revolted. because ebra says it with such pride and confidence, carmy seems excited by it. but then when sydney tries it she’s so disgusted. was it actually that bad? or was sydney just in such a bad place that nothing could taste good?

those lowboys are SO gross. i have nothing else to say, really. just real bad.

it’s rather unprofessional that when “someone” took sydney’s onions she bursts out of the kitchen to the front of house, WHILE richie is hanging out and talking to a customer, to yell at him asking where her onions are. richie is working. obviously hanging out with customers might not seem much like working, but that’s front of house (FOH) shit right there. and to yell in front of a customer (which she and richie have been doing a lot in this episode) is just unprofessional from someone trained in the way of fine dining.

the small detail of syd having her overwhelmingly bad day, and when she goes into carmy’s office he’s just sitting there, and then the first thing he says is “we should be outsourcing bread”, which was 1) in her 30 page packet last episode, and 2) talked about just a few hours ago in the team meeting carmy skipped out on. it would be beyond frustrating. and we know that carmy is actually working, like, the guy stays late to hand scrub the floor, so he’s really working. but it just looks like he’s chilling while syd is running around, and that doesn’t help her boiling rage and panic.

the most painful thing is the world is sydney yelling at marcus about him offering to help her with something again, to the point that her hand is shaking and her eyes are bulging…and then he leaves and she dumps it all over herself. i’ve never been a woman in a male dominated workspace, but i have been someone who really wants to prove themself, and to then have it blow up in my face, especially if it LITERALLY blows up in my face like it does to syd, and the added shame of knowing you wasted a bunch of money (veal fat isn’t free), is stay-awake-at-night-reliving-that-moment kind of painful.

but, it’s also so sweet, and so relatable of marcus to come in after hearing the spill, to sydney standing there covered in her own mistake, and to wordlessly leave and come back with towels and help her. everyone in the world needs a marcus.

that first inkling of seeing HUGE payments to KBL electric! my brain was just like “oh shit, mikey was laundering HARD”

i love the scene where marcus tells syd that family dinner is ready, when syd walks out of frame we stay for just a moment on tina. tina cleaning her station. because to me i think it’s easy to assume, well, she obviously has to clean her station at some point while working, so it’s now. but after having a few back and forth moments with syd in the episode, where syd specifically asked her to clean up, i think it means something that tina is finally cleaning up. and knowing the arc she goes through in the next episode, i think this is like a seed being planted showing us that even tina is slowly being changed by the new system that carmy and syd are implementing in the beef.

i know that this is like the tiniest detail, that has also been talked about SO MUCH by people in the restaurant industry. but carmy drinking out of a plastic container hits to good every time i see it. i’m 29, i haven’t worked in food-food in like 8 years, and i still love using those containers as water glasses. THEY HOLD SO MUCH, plus you get them for free if you order pho from my favorite restaurant (and most restaurants where you’re ordering soup to go) so it’s like an added treat with my pho.

i do think it’s important that carmy can tell something is wrong with syd. only because he’s been so single minded for three whole episodes. missing cues from the people around him about the pain they’re in. i know there’s a lot of discourse on here about if the relationship between syd and carm is moving towards romantic, or showing the depths of a truly deep and trusting friendship/business partnership, either way i don’t care if the writing and performances are good. but it’s important to note that this is the first time carmy has looked outside of himself/the restaurant at someone else and noticed them for real. he went to find syd, and upon seeing her body language asked her what was wrong. obviously, most of what was wrong is because of him, but he still tried to make it better and showed that he’s the kind of boss who actually cares and is trying to create the best working environment for his staff as possible. he’s just human and struggles at doing it.

i’ve read a few people say it’s shitty that carmy admits to being harder on sydney than everyone else in the shop, but i really don’t think so. no one else has gone to school for cooking. no one else but syd can comprehend most of what carmy says or even understand his vision for the place. syd has been at the beef for a few days/weeks/maybe a month or so? and she’s now the number two over people who have been there for decades. so i don’t think it’s outrageous that carmy holds sydney to a higher standard. or is more upset when she sinks to richie’s level to yell at him, or when she isn’t able to properly make a stock. once again, i’m not trying to excuse carmy’s bad behavior, but my first day in a kitchen i was treated with baby gloves, but when i was a supervisor, and in charge of training people in, i would never hear the end if i messed up something simple. because i knew better, and carmy knows that sydney knows better.

i think it’s worth noting that sydney says “i think this place could be so different than the other places we’ve been at.” she says “we’ve been at”. not “i’ve been at.” she’s assuming, and assuming correctly, that carmy has also been in some terrible kitchens. and she’s assuming, and assuming correctly, that carmy is also really tired of it

i think it’s probably only really tv magic that we’re in episode three and sydney feels comfortable to tell carmy that she wants to partner with him in making the beef better, but that he also has to listen to her ideas. that’s a lot of trust in the emotional maturity and headspace of a boss that you haven’t really had any previous emotional connection with. like we haven’t really seen her and carmy connect or have a mutual understanding of the other. we haven’t seen him give syd a reason to think that he wants her to partner with him in improving the beef, or that he’s all that interested in listening to her ideas. HOWEVER this scene works because we know carmy so well already, and we know syd really well, and their chemistry sells it. so she basically says she wants to talk freely with her boss and be heard and listened to and instead of him shutting her down like 90% of bosses would do, he says “you’re absolutely right, and i agree.”

and for her leap of faith, we see carmy open up to her! carmy opened up! he’s trying to work through his gunk! it’s so good!

FUCK BRUNCH

ok. i love brunch. but i hated working brunch. it’s the worst shift in the world.

the scene where carmy comes out of the beef on a break, cigarette hanging from his lip, his hair a particular kind of wild, to listen to sugar’s voicemail…that is the vibe and look i have wanted to replicate from the moment i saw him, and i have no idea how to show the person who cuts my hair because the look is just “sweat and grease” and that’s a hard ask in a salon chair.

i like the flow of learning its michael’s birthday, with us returning to the beach with carmy. because it makes the fact that carmy heard mikey say “let it rip, dude” more powerful. carmy is thinking of mikey on his birthday, carmy’s been thinking of mikey all day, and it’s been nagging at him and weighing on him and everything he has said and done has been because today hurts worse than most other days have.

the question then becomes: timeline-wise, is carmy at the beach the same scene that started the show? we know that only a day has passed, did carmy wake up and go to the beach, and then after work go to the beach again? i’m sure someone with more attention to detail could tell me if the sun is in the same position in both scenes, or if the sun is on the opposite side of the sky in one from the other. but it mirrors the opening so much that it kinda feels like we opened on either the beginning of the day, or the end of the day, and now we’re closing on that same visit to the beach, to remind us of that trip and to put the day into a greater context with mikey’s birthday. if i had to bet, i would bet that both scenes happen at sunrise, because we have a shot of the shop while the dinner rush is happening and it’s dark outside. like past sunset dark. we know they close late, like 10/11pm late. which is far after sunset. so if carmy is walking outside while there is a sliver of light, it’s probably sunrise.

UFFDA, i love this episode. i feel like it slowed way down (except for that one scene during a lunch rush), and amped up both the emotional ante, and the comedy. the next episode to me is like a mid-season finale, because it wraps up some major themes and storylines and opens up some new ones, but we’ll talk more about that in episode four!

Season One: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 |

[googledetective]

Hello there! So as all you drdt fans may know, the creator of drdt dropped a characters playlist where each song correlates with another character. Well, of course, as a natural fangan fan, me and a few buddies on discord have been analyzing the shit out of these songs and I want to present our findings here.

There are a few tracks I won’t be covering (2,13,15&16) because I have no idea who they belong to, and a track (5) I’m not 100% sure on that’s the person they go to, but I’ll give a little context behind my guess. Feel free to debate any of this in the comments. I also got English translations for the songs that are not in English so I’ll be basing my theories off those English translations and if anyone wants them, dm me.

Without further ado, here we go!

(Yes there are going to be DRDT spoilers)

Track 1 (Jotaro’s theme) - Xander

I feel like this has literally been universally agreed on by the fandom, as it just generally describes his fiery personality and the fact he “broke down” when he attempted to kill Teruko. Right after, there are lyrics that say “what’s going on here” and I feel like this could refer to right after Xander stabbed her and he was wondering why he would do that in the first place. I’m not totally convinced on this one but I know most are so I think I’ll stick with the popular opinion :)

Track 3 (RUNAWAY) - Charles

This song definitely symbolizes Charles’s character development that he’s been going through. In the first verse it’s talking about his life beforehand and that he met someone who kind of freed him from his existence (who would be Whit). Then it kinda talks about seeing yourself and changing around bits and pieces of himself. What stood out to me is “redirecting my perfection somewhere else.” In the beginning he acted like he was perfect and above everyone, but as the series progresses he’s using his perfection complex to go and help the group. Last but not least, I think the chorus is kind of talking about his trauma and restrictions and that he needs to let them go, and Whit was like that divine intervention to help him face forward and push through his problems rather than just be stuck in fear. I know a lot of people will disagree and say his track is track 5, but since I don’t see any ships with him canonically confirmed (or any ships at all confirmed) I feel a lot of doubt toward putting anyone on track 5 just because we don’t know about who likes who or anything yet.

Track 4 (Cartoons) - Rose

I honestly think that everyone is onboard with the fact that this is Rose. I mean it talks a lot a about art, and the fact she expresses a lot of what she feels through art. Her art is connected to her visions and emotions, as seen through the seen with her and Teruko where she painted Teruko’s death since she couldn’t stop seeing it. Rose is also bad at communication, and the song talks a lot about communicating through art, and she does that as many others do. This one was probably one of the more self explanatory ones but I wanted to write about it anyway!

Track 6 (A Mistaken Belief of Love) - Eden

Again I feel this is a bit of a stretch, but I’ll try to explain my reasoning as best as I can. Throughout the series we’ve seen a pattern with Eden, as she goes and tries her we best to befriend someone and they end up disliking her. This song is about a sweet person who realizes someone doesn’t love them anymore, but keeps persisting for love from them. This is what Eden has been doing throughout the series, an example would be Teruko. Eden has bent over backwards to try and be nice to her and gain her trust, and despite Teruko telling her to leave and treating Eden like absolute dog shit, Eden stays even though her heart is broken and keeps trying. I love Eden :(

Track 7 (Spring Storm) - David

I just want to clarify before I start this one that I used an unofficial English translation of the song, since it was the only English translation I could find. The same applies to tracks 11 & 13.

This song is clearly about someone who is angry with the world and acts like an asshole because of that anger. That’s essentially what David is doing since ep11 of ch2, is he’s putting on an act and suddenly calling out people for hypocrisy and purposefully hurting their feelings. It’s implied this isn’t the true David Chiem either, and in the song it hints at this person just wants to be accepted and loved, but they can’t reach that because everything is always letting them down. That’s coincidentally my take on David’s backstory (for now) and it would make a lot of sense if this is his song-

Track 8 (YES MAN) - Teruko

It was very easy to find a translation of this song, and once you even see the first line of these lyrics it SCREAMS Teruko. The song is about doubting everyone around you, and mocking the world because of it which is literally ch2 Teruko in a nutshell. The “Undead!” chorus likely references the fact that Teruko can’t die and didn’t die after Xander’s murder attempt. The only part that’s making me doubt that this is Teruko’s song is that “Your heart is all I ever need”, which could allude to the fact she really liked Xander but I’m not super sure.

Track 9 - Min

This song is so Min. It’s literally about school and the pressure it puts on you, and Min is the ultimate student. Through the years it wears you down, and Min barely even smiled throughout the series unless she wasn’t focusing on studying. There was mentions about marks (grades) and habitual things, like Min’s huge focus on her grades and the fact she studies constantly. The lyrics are just so Min. It is literally Min. This is one of the one I’m most confident on. I love Min!

Track 10 (Drawing Pins) - Nico

I thought about this a bit, but I saw another theory on tumblr that agreed that this is Nico’s song and explained it more wonderfully than I did. This person is @huesofvioletandpurple and I recommend checking their theories out!

In a nutshell the person in this song feels like they don’t belong and they don’t know what they did to hurt someone’s feelings. This alludes to the fact Nico is a theyboss (nonbinary) person and was ridiculed for their identity, and the second part to when they pissed of Ace and Ace kept antagonizing them.

Track 11 - Hu

(TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION)

I got English lyrics for this! It took a while but pls dm me if you’d like them! To sum the song up, it’s about a person who is suicidal but is still trying to persist and be as good of a person as they can possibly be. With most of the secrets out, I’m on the side that the three attempts secret is Hu’s since I can’t see any of the other ones being hers. When the secrets come out, it will be likely that this song correlates to the person who has the three attempts secret. This is really just a very unsure theory, but with the way it describes the person just wants to help and be good in the song I can really only think that this is Hu’s song.

Track 12 (Tip Toes) - Arturo

The song is about thinking about leaving their bad past behind to accomplish their dreams. This song screams Arturo especially after his secret came out. He had to leave and he didn’t know his sister would do that. He’s probably fighting an internal war against himself with logic (that it isn’t his fault) and emotion (that it was his fault) and that is a huge point shown later in the song. I feel once we get more of his backstory or more Arturo screen time this will further prove that this is his song. This is the song and character pairing that I’m most confident in.

Track 14 (Spitfire) - Ace

Last but not least, we’ve got Ace Markey for Spitfire. This might be the most self explanatory one. The lyrics are basically “I spit fire” and “if I was in WW2 they’d call me spitfire” which probably alludes to Ace’s anger problems and the fact he can’t stop running his mouth and yelling at people when he’s angry. That’s it, that’s the theory.

Thank y’all for reading this and I’m sorry it ran long and I didn’t have great explanations, but if you are interested there are way better theories people have on here than what I wrote 😭

And if you haven’t and you’re interested please please please listen to the songs! If you need any English lyrics to any of the songs please dm me and I’ll send them over! Thanks everyone!

[hypnified]

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀(I misunderstood the assignment 🥲💙)

@t3mpest98

Lore for possibly all my ocs I don't know, there's a lot. Some are headcanons because yes

Barks- most of the time he chooses not to sleep, he's too busy thinking of lives he could've possibly saved but couldn't. It eats him alive. Barks actually has a stutter, but he's really good at keeping it hidden he'd prefer if you didn't mention it, he's kinda insecure about it.

Erix- oh yes the flirt. Erix has a bullet in a necklace given by Skunker the first time they met, the other clone jokingly said "Next time you annoy me this is gonna go in your forehead" and Erix kept it just to annoy him, fun fact this is when Barks immediately decided he disliked Skunker. On the first meeting.

Storm- a literal menace to society. Falls on his feet frequently, like buddy you good? Constantly pranks the commanders like his life depends on it, if he misses a day he claims he'll get organ failure or some shit, Irais is ten seconds away from throwing him literally he's not even joking.

Skunker- oh yes, Mr. I threatened Erix and now his batchmate wants to murder me but I also want to murder him. Yes, he actually hates Barks it's not a joke, Crimson drags him away all the time.

Irais- oh yes the closed off commander whipee. Officially apart of the "I lost an eye club." His whole batch has problems, they are problematic but won't admit it. Irais jokes that his whole batch are failures, insert plasma throwing something at Irais here. If storm pranks him again he's gonna flip.

Dipper- has only been pranked by storm once, he's super likable. Very ori'vod coded. Drags Irais away like a lil kitten. Loves space, him and Bear talk about space together.

Lazarus- oh look it's another asshole, well he wasn't always an asshole but trauma loves him. Blames himself for the death of his batchmates, feels guilty for what happened to Phoenix.

Phoenix- feels guilty for what happened to his batchmates, definitely feels like he failed. His death is a well kept secret. Actually growls, no one knows why. Phoenix is, morbidly, a medic- and he himself has died for a few minutes before Laz restarted his heart.

Frey- looks up to all of the commanders, he has a favourite okay but yeah I'm not gonna mention who. "Crimson you can't bite them, Pluto stop climbing on everyone." Tired.

Pluto- climbs on whoever he can, mainly the 104th specifically. Did this Laz once and uh he got punched in the face- Laz didn't mean to do that but uh it happened

Crimson- has no self control, it's a problem. Does everything Frey tells him not to do.

Bear- BABY BABY BABY BOY. severe abandonment issues, terrified of being alone, hates saying goodbyes. Clings onto others, good luck getting him off of you :) tired, barely sleeps. "Glowstick if you do that again I'm going to personally revoke your glowstick privileges." "Bear is normal" have you seen his batchmates? Has daily breakdowns, sir are you okay? Comforts everyone, puts everyone first but he never takes care of himself. Actually kinda shy, glowstick is trying to get him to come out of his shell. A nervous wreck. Has a love hate relationship because of his batchmate Teddy, usually Joystick calls their name right another another "Teddy Bear come here!" They hate this.

Glowstick- actually eats glowsticks, got dared to eat one by Vixen don't worry he's fine and has done this before. Loves scaring Bear, probably the reason Bear barely sleeps. Rumour has it if you try hard enough he might glow in the dark, give it a try.

Joystick- the other unhinged feral guy. joystick is a pilot, and a very wild one at that, so they call him that because of the way he handles the throttle. He is the less unhinged out of glowstick and obviously himself still unhinged though. Absolutely feral.

Ginger- will fight you on the fact that he's the best cook.

Dainty- keeps Ryder in check or is supposed to.

Ryder- honestly what the fuck is he doing? Nobody knows

Unknown- does anyone really like him? Tragedy complains he's too negative.

Tragedy- unknown complains he's too tragic. He's the opposite of Peace kinda, likes conflict/is okay with conflict, talkative ish you get the idea.

Peace- Bear's little shadow and would do anything to help him, was abandoned by his batchmates no matter how many times Ryder denies it, Unknown claims he chose to leave this was not the case. Conflict makes him uncomfortable, barely speaks. Bear learnt sign language to help him. Constantly shakes. He's scared okay?

Beau- nothing to say here

Plasma- the asshole, the beloved. Has a dark sense of humour, it's kinda fucked up. "Fuck around and find out." Is such a tease. You're always safe with him. Throws rocks and anything at Irais. Once screamed in Mist's ears to see what would happen, Mist fucking decked him on the spot.

Fuze- the baby, he likes nature okay? Um what else, I don't know. Squish. He's also a corrie. Could tell you random facts about anything, August and Muffin fall asleep to this. I wanna put Fuze in my pocket, he's just a guy. He enjoys learning new things. He once got his hands on fireworks, glowstick helped.

August- I don't know what I'm doing with him but he's a guy.

Teddy- him and Bear matching names kinda happened, actually the opposite of Bear though. No more on him yet.

Lavender- thinks glowstick and joystick are insane, but where's the lie?

Muffin- I think people will like him when I introduce him in my big oc post

Mist- I don't wanna say anything until my big oc post

Slush- he baby

Bubbles- he best boy

[bronanlynch]

so dgs2 sure is a video game huh. anyway here are my lawyer file clerk rankings (this one is more unhinged than usual I’m so sorry I played most of dgs2-5 in one day and I think my brain kind of melted)

ryutaro: I do generally have a ‘no working for teenagers’ rule in these but honestly ryutaro does seem to be the best boss of any of the teenage lawyers, and at least knows what it’s like as the person doing the admin stuff and therefore wouldn’t be too annoyingly demanding abt it. 6/10, would generally prefer as a coworker rather than a boss

auchi: sure seems like he’s going through some stuff and taking it out on everyone around him which would make him unpleasant as an employer. also I would not be able to keep up the polite conversation where every single day he expects me to tell him how much his hair has grown back and every day I have to pretend that it’s grown at all. 2/10, no thanks

ryunosuke: last time I said that because he has susato he wouldn’t necessarily need another file clerk but reforming the entire japanese legal system would create a lot of paperwork so I am now fully on board with working for him. he meets so many of my standards: he consults his notes in court which means he needs his files done correctly, he’s polite to the people he works with, he believes in truth and justice and making the world a better place, and his cases are always absolutely fucking wild so the documents I’d be filing would be interesting to read. also, if he’s doing for mikotoba, with his government connections, presumably he has access to some decent government funding which probably means decent benefits for me. 10/10, I am emailing him my resume as we speak

van zieks (with masked apprentice): I’ve got to be honest with you, if I show up to my first day of work and my boss is like “so this is your coworker, he’s not allowed to talk to anyone and he has to wear that mask at all times, it’s not punishment” I am going to think that I’ve just accidentally joined a cult, and I will immediately be turning around and asking the non-existent hr department to assign me to literally any other prosecutor. no, learning that it’s my boss’s boss’s idea would not make me feel any better. might be convinced to stay if I see my new coworker uncork a wine bottle with a sword because seriously how is he doing that. .5/10, for sheer morbid curiosity

van zieks (post-game): so obviously there are still a few drawbacks here but honestly, on the whole, after he goes through his character development, I think he’d be a pretty decent option. partially this is because of what kazuma says about how when he’s especially picky abt something he just does it himself, which I appreciate in a boss, because it means he would rather do something himself than expect me to do something impossible and then yell at me for failing to live up to his expectations. (yes kazuma was talking abt van zieks organizing his wine collection for that bit, but shh I’m extrapolating) anyway, it would be hypocritical to dock points for him being a neurotic perfectionist so there’s that too. I do also appreciate how much he hates rich people who get away with shit because they’re rich. me too, buddy. like I’m still fundamentally opposed to carceral justice systems and think that while putting rich people in jail for their crimes may appear to present a short-term solution (and I suppose if I had to choose, it is preferable to putting poor people in jail for crimes that they’re driven to by unjust societal pressures & are more likely to receive harsher punishments for) it will not provide a long-term answer to the overarching problem of uh. having an aristocracy let alone a monarchy. but. there are worse people to work for. 6.5/10, would prefer not to be affiliated with the british government but

stronghart: including him because he was previously a prosecutor and tbh even setting aside the blackmail and the murder conspiracies, he just seems like an absolute fucking nightmare to deal with. if I asked my boss a simple question abt information I needed in order to do my job and he responded by telling me exactly how much time down to the second that he was going to let me speak for or exactly how late to his next meeting he is, I would lose my fucking mind. also, he constantly has people doing shit that is just simply not their fucking job. why was van zieks preparing the meeting room for the forensics conference! I hate people who think they’re too good for that sort of work but it is quite literally not his fucking job. 0/10, please I can give myself enough time anxiety without a boss doing it for me

klint van zieks: now. listen. please see my rating of byrne faraday for my known weakness for prosecutors who do vigilante shit bc they know that the courts are rigged and will never convict the wealthy & powerful. I’m including him for completeness’s sake but I fully do not think I can be objective here because unfortunately I cannot blame him for thinking that the british aristocracy is an evil institution (see above). anyway. Idk. everyone who worked with/for him seemed to respect him a lot so like, I’ll believe that he was a pretty ok boss. 5/10, loses points on principle for being a british aristocrat himself, sorry :/ (and also lack of data)

kazuma (post-game): I love him, is the thing. I am even less capable of being objective abt kazuma than I am abt anyone else. he is literally just the perfect man. he’s competent, he’s rude to people who deserve it but he doesn’t seem like he’d go out of his way to be rude to like, innocent minimum wage employees, and he seems reasonably organized without being overly demanding abt it. I think my one caveat here is that I’m honestly not sure how long he lasts as a prosecutor for the british government before realizing that no, the system is still bad and wealthy/titled people still can cause harm without facing consequences, and that’s the point where he either quits his job or decides that maybe murder is the answer after all, and neither of those are great for long-term job security as his employee. to be clear, I support him fully in either endeavor. 10/10, my roommate was right I’m glad I left him room to improve his score

(previous games here: aa1 | aa2 | aa3 | aa4 | aai | dgs1 )

[the-astromeners-bakery]

Things that have been said in the only in Gotham universe (with context): Hecate and Carol addition

Hecate first:

Hecate: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

(When discussing their friends polyamorous relationship)

Hecate: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

(When talking about men)

Hecate: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

(Even Harley was surprised at all the shit Hecate went through)

Hecate: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Hecate lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

(…never… ever leave Hecate alone at a collage party.. they will somehow always eat a spiked brownie)

Hecate: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

(After scaring their collage roommate one too many times)

Hecate, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?

(Hecate when they learned that their parents were still alive)

Hecate: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

(Hecate after being bullied one two many times)

Hecate: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

(Hecate when final exams come around/they have a lot of business orders)

Hecate: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

(This is just Hecates mood)

Carol version:

(Most of these can be described with drunk Carol, so any quotes with a ** means Carol was drunk when she said it)

Carol: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

(**)

Carol: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

(Carol.. had a bad day at work)

Carol: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

(Carol you’re not supposed to say this shit in therapy-)

Carol: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*

Carol: Oh my god, is this expired?

Carol: *Takes another sip of milk*

(**)

Carol: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Carol: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

(Carol… has many grudges)

Carol: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

(**)

Carol: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Carol: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Carol: Orange.

(**)

Carol: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

(Carol in therapy yet again)

Carol: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

(**)

Carol: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Carol: cuLt leader.

Carol: God hates me personally.

Carol: cowBoy hat.

Carol: *sniffles* Trying my best.

(**)

Now I implore you to do this with your own Only in Gotham OCs (Bonus points if Hecate, Carol, Kam, or Daxter are mentioned)

[sunlightandsuffering]

Briefly coming off hiatus to make fun of rogers because fuck then and their cell service oligopoly !

Armin expects a lot of things on his Friday afternoon, he expects to hangout with his girlfriend for dinner later that night, maybe see his best friend Eren for a few hours at the gym, if only he would text back. Maybe catch up and spend some quality time with his grandpa, he expects a lot of things for the weekend.

What he does not expect is his best friend showing up at his door at 3 pm Friday afternoon absolutely sobbing at his doorstep.

“Armin we broke up.”

“What?”

He’s never seen eren cry before but boy is his bestie an ugly crier.

“I don’t know how it happened but we must have broken up Mikasa hasn’t messaged me since yesterday afternoon, SHE GHOSTED ME ARMIN!”

“Eren I don’t think-“

Armin is cut off by yet another round of sobs and all he can do is pat his best friends back comfortingly, “it’ll be okay buddy.”

Eren sniffles, “it won’t, it’ll never be okay, how will I live without her, I’m going to die!”

“Eren are you sure?” Armin tries to talk sense into his best friend because really Eren and Mikasa are about the only love he truly believes in. Their relationship is the only reason he really believes in love at all, so really Mikasa ghosting him randomly on a friday doesn’t make a lot of sense.

“You’re right Armin, I have to get her back! I need to leave right now I have to go see her!!”

Armin never has the chance to tell his dumb best friend about the nation wide cell service outage, and Eren is too heartbroken to realize he is not in fact being ignored he simply has no cell service.

Armin considers attempting to fix the problem, finding his friend, talking sense into him, but really he’s already left in his car and although Armin has cell service, he knows for a fact Eren doesn’t and neither does Mikasa.

Oh well, not his problem, they’ll figure it out.

He goes back inside to make his grandpa tea thinking that’s the end of it.

That is not in fact the end of it and an hour later Mikasa turns up at his door hysterical.

“Armin where is Eren have you seen him, I can’t get ahold of him and when I went to his house his mom said he ran away earlier in hysterics?? Is he okay? Did he come here at all?"

"Mikasa," Armin greets as she finishes talking, out of breath with the stress of losing her boyfriend. "Just take a breath." "I can't! I lost my boyfriend!"

"Relax, I saw him an hour ago." "Oh really," Mikasa breathes an obvious sigh of release, perking up considerably from her previously stressed countenance, "Is he okay?" Armin winces as he realizes the bad news he's going to have to deliver, "Umm not exactly, he thinks you broke up with him." Mikasa's voice is shrill, grating as she responds, "What!?"

Armin scratches his head nervously as the very volatile Mikasa Ackerman stares him down murderously.

"Yeah, umm he kind of just left after, he was going to find you to win you back."

Mikasa is aghast at his terrible explanation, "And you let him out alone??"

It's the tone she uses when she's very explicitly upset and one he only usually hears when she berates Eren for doing something particularly stupid, he never thought he'd be on the receiving end of it.

"Yes," Armin mumbles and she looks horrified, you'd think he'd lost her child in the supermarket or something.

"With the debit machines out??"

"Mikasa this is civilization not the apocalypse just relax, I know there's no cell service or wifi but he'll be fine."

"I don’t like him all alone Armin you know he’s fragile! What if someone tries to take him?"

“Mikasa, it’s Eren, he's a fully capable human being you know.”

“Exactly!" She snaps, "It’s Eren!”

“Shit,” Armin whispers, she’s totally right now that he thinks about who knows what chaos his best friend is up to thinking his girlfriend dumped him. Especially when there's no cell service or wifi in a lot of places and his debit card currently won't work.

“Damn it okay, let’s take your car.” 

They find Eren lying on Mikasa’s front lawn staring up at the sky muttering to himself, “The world is a cruel place.”

“Is he okay?”

“I told you how he gets Armin!” 

His friends are nuts.

[nightowlfandom]

Yandere! Hawks (Keigo Takami) - Scratches and Bruises

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Alright I’ll do it...I’LL WRITE HAWKS SMUT....but I won’t like it.

Okay people so This is gonna have talks of death, abuse, yandere shit.

Leggo!

...

“What’s a pretty girl like you do sad for?”

You looked up from your phone to find a man practically leaning over the restaurant table. You could smell the alcohol from miles away and the way he was moving wasn’t helping his case either. You were instantly put off by him. Correction: You were disgusted by him.

“What’s a ugly man like you so bold for?” you smiled sweetly as the venom dripped off your words. “I’m really not interested.” you looked back down at your phone. You were just about to get a new high score on your favorite phone game and this asshole was ruining your chances. Your character almost died twice since he began bothering you. It was really starting to get on your nerves. If you didn’t unlock that new skin, you might kill someone.

“Oh come on.” he slurred. “Can a guy just compliment such a pretty lady?”

“Not when he looks like fucking Voldemort.” you replied just as quickly as he ended his sentence. “You’re kind of bothering me right now.” you pressed pause on your game and looked up again. “I’ll ask again. What do you want, seriously?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a guy at one of the booths, staring over at you. It didn’t feel creepy, but it was enough to capture your attention. 

“I wanted to-”

“What do you want?” you cut him off again. “We’re wasting time here.” you threw your phone on the table. “Save me the headache and save your ego...” you crossed your arms. you faked a smile. “Goodbye.”

“You bit-”

“Is there a problem?” 

A new person walked up to you two. The same guy who you had noticed before stopped in front of your table. He had sandy brown hair, and very sharp looking eyes. You swore you’ve seen him somewhere. You weren’t too sure.

“Nothing buddy, just about to show this bitch who she’s talking to-”

You crossed your arms and shifted around in your seat. “I mean I don’t need to be shown anything.” you shrugged.

“Oh are you?” he laughed. “Well I hate to break it to you but I’ll have to intervene” the stranger laughed out loud. 

“What do you mean-”

The drunk was instantly floored as this stranger grabbed his by the neck and slammed his face against the table not even an inch away from your phone. The drunk landed on the floor with a thud, moaning in pain. You weren’t even sure if he was registering the pain he was in or the fact that he had gotten his ass handed to him in the first place. All that you knew was that he was being peeled off the floor and escorted (more like thrown out.).

“You’re welcome, lady.” the guy didn’t take another look at you before be took a step forward. 

“I didn’t need your help.” you snatched your phone off the desk. “I can take care of myself.” you rolled your eyes. “And I wasn’t gonna thank you, either.” you stood up. “I’m definitely not going to now.”

The man slowly turned around, revealing his face clearly. “Oh really?” 

He was attractive, no doubt about it. His tight black muscle tee with baggy jeans and boots...damn he was a looker. Yet you weren’t like most MC’s...it would take a bit more than that for him to have any impact on you.

“Really.” you repeated. You put a hand on your hip. “Now if you’ll excuse me...I’m off to find another table to sit at.”

The man who ‘saved’ you didn’t take his eyes off you all night. Even when your friends came and joined you. 

“Hey Y/N, is that Keigo Takami looking at you?”

“I think it is!” another friend piped.

“Who?” you stared at her as you lowered your drink. “Who is Keigo Takami?”

“Y’know...Hawks.” she whispered. “I heard they call him that when he served time...” 

“He’s a literally crazy person. He’s an absolute menace! He’s a former hero...”

“Can imagine why...he beat the shit out of this guy who tried to hit on me.”

“Him?! I haven’t heard of him ever doing that for anyone before.” your other friend widened her eyes. “Y/N, I’ve heard of his past relationships...they didn’t end well. They all ended up missing...or in therapy.”

“I can take care of myself.” you shrugged. “I’m sure whatever Hawks has for me, I can take.”

“Don’t say that so freely, Girl. I heard he has a lot of screws loose.” your friend put a hand on your shoulder. “Like a lot.”

“Well whatever Mr. Man has in store for me, I’ll be prepared. It can’t be that bad, right?” your confidence dispersed a little bit. You looked behind you back at Keigo who had been cracking open a can of beer. He looked a little to interested in his own world to see you staring. 

“Y/N...Y/N!” your friend snapped her fingers in your face. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah!” You focused back on your friends, feeling your emotions sort of switch. 

From the corner of the room, Keigo’s eyes followed you. He took his bottom lip between his teeth as he studied you. Never in his life had he ever seen a girl like you before. He had never been so...fascinated either. Something inside him snapped, he had to get to know you.

He had to.

...

“Is there a reason  you’re following me?”

On a trip to the supermarket, you couldn’t help but voice your opinions. Keigo was hiding in behind a display of cans whilst you stared at the cheese. Hmmm Cheddar or American? Maybe Havarti! Hmm Pepperjack? Why were there too many types of cheeses?! Too many options!

“You have a very keen eye.” he revealed himself. “I like that.” he began walking along side down down the aisle. “Try this one, it’s the best on burgers.” he grabbed a package of Pepperjack cheese and tossed it in the cart.

“I’m just very aware.” you replied boredly. “It comes with the territory.” you opted to ignore him trying to shop for you. 

“Of being a hero?” 

His words made you freeze. You hadn’t been a hero in years, let along thought about it. It had been so long...

“I hung up my cape years ago.” you rebutted. Your tried to keep your voice steady, but he could tell his words affected you. It made you wonder how he even knew that.

“I can say the same.” he winked. “Only I traded the cape for...other things.”

“I can tell...Hawks.” you grumbled in reply. “That’s what they used to call you right?”

Keigo knew you were challenging him. Part of him was angry, others not so much. He was interested to say the least. No one dared call him that anymore. Hell, no one lived long enough to even finish such a sentence. What made you so different? You had guts...he liked that.

“Yeah...that part of my life is over now.” he began following you down the aisle. “What about you? Why’d you give up hero work?”

“That’s not something I want to discuss with a stranger in the middle of the store.” 

“I get it...how’s 7:00 sound?”

“Pardon me?” You and your cart skid to a stop. “What did you just say to me?”

“I’ll meet you at the bar we met around 7! Don’t be late, and tell the bartender Takami Keigo is gonna be waitin’ for ya.” he winked. “Don’t leave me waiting princess...”

“I don’t even know you!” you were taken aback. “You don’t even know my name...”

Keigo’s face twisted into a smirk. He took a step towards you. You flattened yourself against the aisle wall as he trapped you against the cereal. “So tell me...What’s your name?”

“Huh?!”

“For a hero...you’re pretty dense.” he chuckled, nearing his face closer. “I asked your name, Hun.” he winked. “Won’t you tell me?”

“Y/N.” you replied breathlessly. “My name is Y/N.” Why did you tell him that, you had no clue. Idiot!

“Okay then Y/N.” he neared his face towards yours. “7:00 tonight...okay?”

“Uh huh.” you nodded. 

“Wonderful, I’ll see you tonight, princess.”

... 

You sat at the bar stool, spinning around lazily. You called all of your friends, your parents, hell even your grandparents. You didn’t tell them the details, but you told them if you didn’t message them back by 9:00 AM the next morning, call you just in case.

“What can I get you?” the barkeep walked up, wearing a kind smile on his face. You suddenly remembered that Keigo had told you, and you didn’t trust it one bit. “Can I get a water please?” 

“Coming right up, young lady.” the older man kindly looked at you. “Anything for the former Number 1 hero!”

You giggled bashfully. “Please, that was years ago.” you shook your head. “I appreciate it though.” you smiled. Hero work, the bane of your existence. Your past buddies and partners had all begged you not to leave, but with the amount of scars and suffering you endured, you had no choice.

You wouldn’t put yourself through that again, not for anyone. 

“Here you are miss.” the glass was set in front of you. 

“Thanks.” you put your hand over the top of the glass. Now that it was in yoru hand, you could move accordingly. “I was also supposed to meet someone here?...Told me to tell you to expect me...Keigo Takami?”

The barkeep’s face fell, fear striking his features. “O-oh! You’re Mr. Takami’s company for the night! I’m supposed to escort you to his special booth.”

“Special booth?” you repeated.

“Y-yes, please follow me!” he urged. “Only VIPs are allowed back here, but he rented out the entire back area just for you!”

You felt your senses go off, fight or flight mode. Now or never. You reached in your purse. Knife, check. Mace, check....Gun...check.

The kind barkeep took you to a back area. It looked like the main dining area, only a lot more high end. Slow jazz music was playing in the background and the lights were low. He was right, there was no one here...except one person.

He dawned a brown leather jacket, black skinny jeans and those all to familiar boots. He tapped his fingers against the table as he stared down at his phone.

“Mr. Takami. She’s here.”

Keigo looked up with that shit-eating smirk. “Thank you Hideo, leave us.”

The barkeep stalked off leaving you alone. You suddenly felt out of place. You looked around, taking note of the city beaming outside the windows. 

“Beautiful isn’t it?” 

You looked back over at Keigo again, almost surprised. “Yeah, it is.” you nodded.

He motioned next to him. “You wanna sit down or are you gonna stand there staring at me? I don’t bite.” he winked.

Silently, you sat down, still keeping your distance from the man. You were about a good two feet away from him. You weren’t too keen on getting any closer.

“I’m surprised you came. I thought you’d find a way to get out of this.”

“I am too, but I figured I’d entertain this idea...just for tonight.” you shrugged. “Don’t try anything, got it?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Keigo cracked a genuine smile. You looked stunning and he wanted to tell you that. He wouldn’t admit it, but he knew about you when you were going by your hero alias. He recognized the way you walked, the way you spoke. You could have killed that freak who hit on you if you wanted to. However you didn’t. He was curious about that.

“Why did you ask me out?” you raised an eyebrow before he could get a word out.

“I’ll let you know in a minute.” he winked. “I’m more interested in you.”

“Like what?” you raised an eyebrow. “How interesting can I be?”

Keigo didn’t want to say he did extensive research on you and couldn’t find shit. It drove him crazy. It was making him go quite literally insane. He was more that interested. He was invested. When he didn’t answer, you sighed.

“You tell me first.” you crossed your arms. “I know your reputation proceeds you.” you raised a brow.

“Princess, that’s not how this works.” he tried to sound as if he was joking. “I ask the questions here.”

“Well it is today.” you shrugged. “Either we have an even exchange or you’re out of luck.” you shrugged. “You decide.”

Keigo stared blankly at you. You were a tough nut, that was for sure. Plus you sure as hell weren’t afraid of death. That must have meant you had no idea what he was capable of. Then again, it must have been your Hero Side taking a stance.

After what felt like a minute, he sighed in defeat. “...A friend of mine was killed by a hero.” he confessed. “You ever hear of someone called The Bronze Monk?”

“That name sounds familiar?” you raised an eyebrow. “He’s another hero, right? He can turn his fists into bronze.” You tried to recall.

“Mhm...He killed my friend.” Keigo clenched his fist. “I did 6 years because of him....”

“I don’t understand.” you raised an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with you?”

“This was while you were dominating the game I guess, so I don’t blame you for not knowing.” he shrugged and he slapped a hand on the table. “HIDEO! TWO BEERS.”

“So I’m confused. I heard The Bronze Monk died mysteriously...he fell from over 500 stories...”you paused. You took to time to noticed that Keigo has aired out his wings this time around. You didn’t even noticed he HAD wings. “It was all over the-...wait a second...You never said who your friend was.”

“She was a- she was a villain.” Keigo sighed. “She was like a sister to me and I was tryna get her to stop being so dumb...turn over a new leave and she was doing so well! Shit, but...one day she dumbly got into a fight with that asshole and I watched my friend die right there.” Keigo hitched his words slightly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” you said sadly, regretting opening your big mouth. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No...it’s fine. I guess in order to move on I gotta talk about it right?” he sat up straight as the barkeep came back with two mugs and quickly stalked back off. “I was so blinded by my own anger. What type of hero would go out of their way to punish someone trying to make amends....” he seethed. “I flew him up to the tallest building in the city and dropped him...I only got off on good behavior...”

It finally all made sense, to you at least. You let what he said marinate and sit well...it felt surreal.

“So.” Keigo grabbed his glass and took a huge gulp. “I’ve said my peace. You’re turn.”

You stared at this guy for what felt like ages. Something told you that this guy couldn’t be trusted. All the alarms were going off at the same time...but for some reason-

“My parents wanted me to be a hero.” you said. “My quirk is hereditary, so it’s passed from person to person.” you shrugged. “I loved saving people, helping people...then-” you paused. “I saw how corrupt, and hateful, and disgusting these so-called heroes were...I lost someone important to me too.”

Keigo raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested. You took a swig of beer, trying to gather your thoughts. 

Keigo took note of the way you were fiddling with your left hand. Your thumb grazed over your ringer finger as if something was missing...something important.

“Who was the guy?” Keigo asked, snapping you out of your trance. He had a gut feeling he already knew, but he wanted to hear it from your mouth.

“...H-he was um...we dated since high school.” you shrugged. “We were a team, him and I.” you smiled at the memory. “When he turned his back on the hero world, they turned their back on him too.”

“Meaning?”

“They sold him out.” you choked. “They left him for dead and told me he would be okay. I should have gone back for him but they held me back, they told me there were other people that needed my help.”

“What happened when you learned the truth?” Keigo asked. He only knew that a poor hero lost his life, he didn’t know that the only other survivor just so happened to be his future wife.

“I had to choose...my friends and my morals or being a hero. If anyone knows just how two faced and conniving these people are, it’s me.” you shuddered. “I’ve met traitors, and killers disguised as good guys. At one point I couldn’t take it anymore and I gave up! Forget being number 1, forget status, forget everything...Being a hero...lost me everything.”

“Hm. Thank you for sharing that with me, Princess.” he replied. “It must have been hard to do...it’s nice to know you trust me so much.”

“It was only fair, I guess.” you boredly drank. “It not that big a deal.” you stared down at your fingers. “It was years ago, I’ve moved on.”

Keigo took note of how your mood faltered. He couldn’t have that.

“Hey, look at me?”

“Hm?” you looked up from your glass.

“I’m sure where ever your fiancé is, whatever he’s up to. He doesn’t blame you.” he put a hand over yours. “He wouldn’t hate you for moving on either.”

“He wouldn’t?” you narrowed your eyes. “How do you know?”

Keigo couldn’t answer, he just wanted to say something, anything, to put a smile on your face. It was like a second nature in such a short time. He wanted to be your hero. “It’s just a hunch...you shouldn’t be afraid to move on...sometimes all you need is a push out the nest.” he winked as his wings twitched behind his back.

“Bird humor? Really?” you scoffed.

“It’s what I do, princess.”

...

After the heavy and depressing, you don’t think you laughed that hard in years. 

“Wait hold on.” you stopped laughing. “Pause for a minute! You, with those big ass wings got your ass handed to you by some chump named ‘The weather man?’” you were crying from laughing so hard.

“He could control the wind!” he defended, also laughing. “You shoulda seen it!”

“Well maybe you need to exercise your quirk more.” you crossed your arms.

“As if you’re the master of your own.” he playfully rolled his eyes.

“As a matter of fact, I am!” you raised an eyebrow. “Shall I demonstrate?” you scooted out the booth and stood up. “Don’t blink or you might miss it.”

Keigo leaned back in his seat, now very interested in what you were about to display for him. He watched your eyes narrow in focus as you held your hands out in front of your face. Slowly, a very tiny tornado formed in your hands, small and handheld. This mini tornado was soon replaced by a tree sprouting out of the top. You waved your hand around and miraculously summoned rain out of your palm. 

“Okay Y/N, focus.” you mumbled. Suddenly, out of everything, a flame erupted from the center of your hand. 

He watched in awe, he had never heard of anyone with a quirk like this one before. With another flick of the hand, everything you had summoned disappeared. “Ta-da!”

“That was amazing.” he commented as your sat down. “What was that??”

“I come from a long line of ‘benders’. Funny name, I know.” you giggled. “I can bend another element...spirit. I can only do it when I’m really happy though.”

“Why didn’t you try that one?”

“...I said I can only do it when I’m happy.” you smiled sadly. It didn’t take long for Keigo to catch on. 

“Oh.” he raised a brow. “Sorry, I-”

“It’s alright.” you shook your head. “Ever since...he died...I’ve never been able to do it.” you shrugged. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to.”

“I’d love to witness that.” Keigo laced his fingers within yours, making your face heat up. “I bet it’s beautiful.”

“...S-shush.” you scoffed, looking away bashfully.

Suddenly the song changed, a slow jazz song began playing. A slow beat, with soft drums and what you could describe as a romantic saxophone.

“Dance with me.” he held out his hand. 

You smiled, rolling your eyes playfully as you took his hand and stood up. He guided you to the middle of the floor. he pulled you flush against his chest. The slow music seemed to drown out the hustle of the city noise outside. He hummed thoughtfully, singing to the tune for you. 

“You never told me.” you mused as you two moved in sync.

“Told you what, princess?”

“Why did you ask me out?”

“Truth be told, something drew me to you.”

“Like what?” you innocently stared. “What about me could possibly interest you?”

“Out of everything you’ve told me, everything really.” he bit his lip. “You’re amazing, everything about you.”

“You aren’t so bad yourself, Keigo.” you shyly replied. You turned around and rested your back against his chest. He rested his head in the divot of your shoulder. He wrapped his arms around your waist, guiding you along to the music. 

He was right, he wouldn’t leave you, not now. Not ever. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it, princess.”

“If I admitted I was wrong about you, would you hold it against me?”

Keigo nearly froze. A shock was sent up his spine as the words left your lips. “You shouldn’t say things like that, princess.”

“How come?” you turned around to face him. 

“I want to-” he bit his lip. A gentle hand rested on the base of your neck, his thumb caressing your throat. He laid a kiss on your lips, passion dripping off of every peck. His tongue slipped through the small gap as he moaned against your mouth. You whimpered and shivered feeling his tongue dominate your mouth. He responded with sounds of his own. Shaky breathes and low groans.

You responded to his touch, allowing his hands to travel under your shirt. “Keigo.” you whimpered. Your feverishly ran your hands through his hair, practically gluing your bodies together. You felt his fingertips creep under shirt, dancing across your skin. “W-we can’t do this here.”

“You’re totally right.” he didn’t cease, instead opting to kiss down your neck. “So...my place or yours.”

You felt yourself lose all sense of direction. “Y-yours.”

“You’ve just opened up Pandora’s Box, princess.”

...

You fell back on his bed, crawling backwards. He rid himself of that jacket and his shirt, leaving him to flex his muscles, his wings, and everything. You stared up, trembling in anticipation. 

Your friends would probably kill you, but you didn’t particularly care. You hugged yourself, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. 

Keigo loved it. It meant you still had innocence flowing in your veins, not for long. He would toy with your brain. He would bend you to his will and drive you insane with lust. You would be the perfect sidekick for him. He stalked over to you, biting his lip. 

“Look at you.” he mused. “You’re so cute.” he giggled. He rested a knee at the edge of the bed, beginning to crawl towards you. 

You noticed his wings were spread wide, covering over you two like a shield.

“C-can I?”

“Go ahead Princess.” he smiled knowingly. He had the look as if he knew something you didn’t. You reached a trembling hand to gently brush his beautiful feathers. A low groan erupted from his throat.

“Oh my gosh! Am I hurting you?” you almost withdrew your hand back.

“Don’t stop...please.” he growled lowly. 

It was only then you realized, this was turning him on. You ran your hands through his feathers. They were soft, shiny even. 

“Enough!” he grabbed your hand and pinned it above your head. “Look at you, princess. All ready for me.” he laughed. “I wonder how wet I can make that pussy for me.” he used his other hand to fumble with the button of your jeans.

You trembled under his touch, feeling your pants slide down your legs. You were completely drowned in your own lust. A fire was prominent in your chest. You were shaking under his fingertips. 

“Enjoy this, princess.” he winked before crawling down. He lifted your shirt up and planted little kisses along your stomach. He grabbed the hem of your panties with his teeth and pulled them down. 

You were squirming in anticipation, waiting. 

“You smell so...so-” he didn’t finish his sentence because he had drove his tongue up your slit. A gasp escaped your lungs. Absentmindedly, you had grabbed a fist full of his hair. 

“Fuuuh~” you couldn’t speak. You weren’t even sure he’d be able to hear your over the sound of your wetness. You could feel your water dribble down your thighs. 

“Wrapped your legs around my head.” he growled, digging his nails into your thighs. “Grind that pussy against my tongue, princess.” 

You thrashed against his mouth, feeling warmth gather in the pit of your stomach. “Keigo!”

He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked harshly, making you cry out even louder. 

Keigo felt himself lose touch with everything, he was only focused on you in the moment. Fuck, was he hard too. Hearing your moans. Shit, he couldn’t wait to bury himself into you. 

“Baby, do you hear that?” he looked up at you as he promptly replaced his tongue with his fingers. “Listen.” he pumped his fingers into you. “You sound so fucking cute” he groaned, mimicking your soft whimpers. “It feels good, yeah?”

You couldn’t speak, so you just nodded. 

Suddenly, he yanked his fingers out of you. His head fell forward to rest on your pubic bone. He sounded as if he came just now even if it was you getting all the pleasure. 

Like a predator stalking after it’s prey he meet your eyes. He wore a sadistic grin with his bottom lip taken between his teeth. He sat up, fumbling with his belt buckle. 

“You ready for me, princess?”

“Yes, p-please?” you whimpered. 

Fuck, you couldn’t do that to him. He had a mind to tear you apart where you lay. Your jaw went slack as his cock was released from its restraints. Would that even- Inside you?! 

You felt it brush against you, slightly. You met his eyes and froze there. He was staring down at you. He looked absolutely feral. You could barely look away as he slid himself inside your throbbing hole. He painfully slowly rolled his hips into you. He twitched inside as he bucked his hips into you. 

“Look at how good we fit together. That’s right.” he managed through clenched teeth. “My cock was meant to be here. I was meant to fuck you.” he snarled. 

You tightened around his length as he thrust harder. “You’re so fucking beautiful, princess.” His jaw dropped again. “Say my name, please?”

“K-keigo.” you obeyed. You felt a warmth in your chest as well as your core. It was like a fire was being ignited in the pit of your soul. “I’m gonna-”

“Fuck! Don’t finish that sentence.” he snarled. “You don’t wanna know what I’m gonna do as a result.”

In a swift motion, you were suddenly staring down at Keigo. He had a death grip on your legs as he was now thrusting upwards. You had your hands on his chest in an attempt to support yourself.

“I think I like you more when you’re riding me.” he bit his lip. “You look so fucking sexy. Those moans, that body, your pretty fucking pussy-”

“Keigo, please! I can’t it anymore.”

“Oh yeah, you gonna cum? You wanna cum for me, baby?” he spoke in a babyish voice. “You wanna cum all over Papa Bird’s cock? Do it, do it for me...ARGH FUCK!”

You felt his warmth inside you at the exact same time you had came. He was shaking under you, rolling his hips upwards to relieve the friction he had caused. 

Keigo stared in amazement at a bright light erupted from your chest, a small bird in the shape of smoke began flying around the room.

“That would be spirit.” you laughed tiredly, watching the quirk you had thought died reactivate out of nowhere. 

“I hope you know...you can never leave me now.” Keigo sat up to lay kisses on your neck. “You’re mine now.”

(AND DONE! This was Hawks debut on the blog so lets all give hem a huge hello!)

[oh-boy-me]

Can I please see MC beating the brothers at something they would normally excel at? Thank you, and have a great day or night! 💚

Hello look I’m finally getting back to old requests!  Surprise, 💚 anon!

Also, I chose specific things for MC to beat them at, because it made it easier to formulate thoughts.

--

Lucifer: Chess

Hmm.  This is.  He doesn’t like this.

He’s the demon of pride.  He’s supposed to be--no, he is--the best at everything.  Diavolo and Barbatos are the only ones allowed to hold a candle to him.

“Congratulations, MC,” he says out loud.  “It was a fluke.  I let them win.  There’s no way they actually beat me,” he says to himself.  He tries to hide his bad mood, but it’s pretty noticeable that he’s seething in his seat.

He needs to reclaim his throne, and they better not even think about letting him win or they’ll just make things worse.  Is this a healthy way to handle defeat?  Absolutely not.  But a hit to his pride is a hit to his pride, and he doesn’t take those as well as he’d like you to think.

The only way for MC to remedy this quickly is to point out that he taught them these skills.

Honestly the fact that it was chess specifically doesn’t really matter.  Lucifer is only fine with being second best at something if it’s luck-based (like Candy Land), or if he REALLY doesn’t care about it (like Candy Land).

Just kidding.  He will destroy them at Candy Land if it’s the last thing he does.

Mammon: Card Games

I tried to keep things related to their sins out of this, because being beaten at your sin would probably make you question your identity.  But with Mammon most of his hobbies seem to tie into his sin in some way, so I think this is our best option.

Anyway, Mammon isn’t happy about this by any means, but it’s also not going to ruin his day like it’d ruin Lucifer’s.

Like, he’ll grumble about it.  And complain.  Loudly.  He might even spam the group chat complaining about it while MC is still right next to him shuffling cards, and then Asmo will say “lol” and Lucifer will accuse him of something unrelated and that’ll make him grumble more.

And MC might have to step in somehow to get him to stop pouting.

If they were playing for money, he’s gonna keep demanding rematches until either he wins or something forces them to stop.

Unlike Lucifer, Mammon will be fine with them letting him win.

But once again, that’s for the money, not really for his pride.  He’s kind of used to losing at the things he’s good at.

Leviathan: Video Games

Hmm this is he doesn’t like this #2

Levi’s kind of built his identity around the things that he’s good at and the things he likes, so for MC to come in and upset that makes him, well, upset.

The first time sucks.  Like Lucifer, he sits there stewing in his frustration.  Unlike Lucifer, he doesn’t bother trying to hide it.  He might even tear up, which definitely pulls on the heartstrings but he shouldn’t be such a sore loser.

The closer MC is with him, the less upset he’ll be over time, though.  Because it changes from “this fucking normie came in and ruined everything” to “ahhhh dammit my friend beat me”.

Also, he’ll only get moody if MC beats him at a game he’s currently invested in.  He’s not gonna be surprised if he’s a little rusty at Street Fighter II now, but ex-father have mercy on anyone who beat him at a DBFZ when it first came out.

He’ll only legitimately try to kill them if they beat his Ruri-chan platformer speedrun time.

Satan: Grades

Satan thinks it’s great!!  He highly values being smart, but he doesn’t think it’s threatening for someone else to be smart too (except Lucifer).

If anything, he’s glad to know MC is someone he can reliably study and compare answers with.  Most of his study buddies end up being impromptu tutoring pupils, and he’d really like to just study for once.

Maybe it's surprising that the avatar of wrath isn’t angry, but like, he seriously doesn’t see this as something to be angry about.

Of course, he’s still literally the sorest loser in the three realms.  Never play games with him.  But this wasn’t a competition, and I can’t exactly say he excels at anything that would be considered a competition.  So yeah, MC manages to escape his wrath through a loophole in the ask.

Is he mad that he didn’t get full marks?  Of course.  But he’s mad at the teacher, not MC.  Unless MC tries to rub it in his face, because that’s just rude.

Asmodeus: Design

I was gonna do like a popularity contest, but we’ve seen him go through one in canon and that’s not gonna really add anything new.

So!  Let’s say he and MC’s designs were both candidates for something, and MC’s ended up being chosen.

Hmm this is he doesn’t like this #3

The problem is that while design has nothing to with his sin, and therefore his base identity, he sure seems to think it does.  Asmo thinks his entire personality is the things he’s good at.

He’s simultaneously the easiest and hardest to deal with out of those who are legitimately upset.  The easiest because while he’ll pout a bit, he’s going to properly congratulate them and it’s hard to tell that he’s upset when he’s giving them so many compliments and talking about how he’s gonna buy one of everything.

The hardest because he’s actually really passive aggressive about it.  For a WHILE.

He’ll also definitely try to steal their ideas for the future, or seduce whoever’s in charge of making the final selection.  It doesn’t matter if he got chosen legitimately or not, what matters is that he gets chosen period.

The best thing MC can do in this situation is get him to understand he wouldn’t actually be happy with a shallow victory like that.

Beelzebub: Sports

Another one who is very excited to have an equal!

Sports need more than one player, after all, and it gets really boring if your opponent is no match for you.

He’ll start to consider MC his friendly rival.  He asks them what their training regimen is and what diet they’ve adopted, so they can compare it with his own (scaled down to be equivalent).  Basically he gets information from them like Asmo does, but unlike Asmo Beel gets it by asking and shares the benefits with MC.

If there’s a sport that neither of them have tried before, he’d love to see how they do one-on-one as complete novices.  He’ll do his best to be mindful of his brute strength advantage if it’s a sport where that would matter.

The only thing he could be upset about MC beating him in is those restaurant challenges where you finish a massive dish within a time limit.  But even then, it’s not because he’s upset he lost.  He’s more concerned about their health, because if MC beat him at that holy shit.

Belphegor

He doesn’t care.

This took so long to come out because I couldn’t think of something MC would beat him at that he would care about.

Like

Slept longer than him??  He’s not gonna throw a fit about that.

And it’s not like he goes into things expecting to win; he barely wants to do things at all.

So yeah the answer for Belphie is it doesn’t matter what you beat him at, he won’t lose sleep over it.

Lmao sloth pun

Masterlist

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part I

Summary: When Will asks him to pick Michael up from school, Spencer may or may not develop a schoolboy crush on the kindergarten teacher.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: none

Word count: 2.5k

a/n: Here she is! I’m not sure exactly what it is about Spencer Reid x teacher!reader, but it is my most requested fic topic, and I am happy to oblige! This is the first in a multi-part series. Weird is Good also takes place in this verse. Any teacher!reader requests will be folded into this verse as well, so feel free to continue sending me those!

Series Masterlist

Click here for the story mentioned, read by everybody’s fave Michelle Obama.

———

“A strong geographical profile is one of the most important pieces of the overall behavioral profile; it significantly narrows the area the team has to cover, allows for law enforcement teams to prioritize and maximize limited resources, and helps focus the investigation in conjunction with the other elements of the profile. And that wraps our section on building geographical profiles!” Spencer smiled at the faces in front of him, gesturing to the board. “The information we covered today will make up a significant portion of your midterm, so make sure to review it before next week. See you all next Thursday!”

As his students began packing up their things, Spencer’s phone rang from inside his bag. When he retrieved the phone and saw Will’s name on the caller ID, his brow furrowed in concern. “Will— everything ok?”

“Hey, yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” he assured him. “I’m sorry to ask, but JJ’s on a case, and my partner and I just finished our last call clear on the other side of the city. Henry’s got soccer practice, but Michael’s gotta be picked up in about— well, shit, right about now. Would you mind picking him up and bringing him ‘round to the house?”

Spencer looped the strap of his bag over his shoulder and started up the aisle out of the lecture hall. “Yeah, of course! It’s over by the Naval Observatory, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. If you pull ‘round the parking lot, they usually come out the side door. His teacher’s real sweet, Ms. Y/L/N. I’ll let her know you’re picking him up.”

“Okay, sounds good.” Spencer pushed open the door and made his way down the hall.

“You’re the best,” Will drawled. “I’ll only be about half an hour.”

…

When Spencer pulled the baby blue Volvo into the parking lot of the school, he saw Michael and Ms. Y/L/N sitting on the steps of school. Their heads were so close they were almost touching, looking down at a book laying across their laps. Her legs were stretched out straight and she pointed down to the page, saying something that made Michael throw his little head back in a laugh that floated in through the open window of the car. Spencer grinned at the familiar sound as he pulled around the carpool loop.

When he recovered from the giggles, Michael caught sight of the car and waved his hand excitedly at Spencer. Ms. Y/L/N looked up and gave a wave as well, albeit a little less vigorous. She closed the book and turned her torso slightly to unzip Michael’s backpack and drop the book into it.

Spencer put the car in park, stepped out, and walked around the car to meet the two of them. Michael was already up and running, throwing himself at Spencer’s legs and hugging them tightly. He leaned down to return the hug. “Hey, buddy! How was school?”

“It was amazing,” Michael gushed, pulling out of the hug to gesture wildly. “We learned how to write the zzz sound, and now we know all the sounds! Oh, and then we used blocks in math, and that was so fun, because Ms. Y/L/N let us build with them when we were done counting. Oh, and then we learned about frogs, and they are so cool. Did you know that frogs have night vision? Oh, and Ms. Y/L/N said I could borrow my favorite book from the classroom library! She read it to me already while we were waiting for you, but maybe you could read it to me, too? I can read some of the words but not all of them yet, so I still need some help.”

Spencer smiled widely at him. “Wow, that does sound like an amazing day. I did know that about frogs, actually! And of course, I’d love to read with you.”

“The book’s called Giraffe Problems, and it’s about this giraffe named Edward who doesn’t like his neck.” Michael looked at Ms. Y/L/N. “What’s the turtle’s name again?”

“Cyrus,” Ms. Y/L/N reminded him.

“Right, Cyrus.” He looked at Spencer. “See, that one is tricky because c’s don’t usually make the sss sound, but sometimes they do. Ms. Y/L/N’s teaching me about it, even though she said it’s kinda hard for kindergarten.”

“Because you’ve got a big, powerful brain, right?” she said, tapping her temple and winking at Michael. “I’m Ms. Y/L/N, by the way. You must be the infamous uncle Spencer. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Then she smiled at him and his big, powerful brain melted inside of his skull.

Michael continued talking, and Spencer briefly wondered if this is how people felt when he rambled. Michael lost his attention immediately, because all he could do was stare at Ms. Y/L/N. Her eyes glinted with humor as he chattered on. She followed his expressive motions with well-timed nods and mhmms, a skill she’d no doubt honed through years of indulging kindergarten babbling. She met Spencer’s eyes every so often, only a slight eyebrow raise indicating her amusement. Her hair had been tied back, but soft pieces had come loose throughout the day, falling into her face and around her shoulders. Up close, he could see that the print of her collared a-line dress was hundreds of green frogs. On her feet were a pair of beat up, low top converse, and Spencer thought he could physically feel the crush branding the chambers of his heart. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Michael’s hand tugging on his pant leg, and he looked down to see him looking up expectantly.

“Sorry, what?” Spencer asked him.

“I said,” Michael repeated with a sigh, “can we look up the author and see if he has any other books?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Of course, buddy.”

“Jory John has lots of amazing books,” Ms. Y/L/N confirmed. “You’ll love the series he wrote with Pete Oswald.” She smiled at the pair of them before checking her watch. “I’ve gotta go pack up, but I’ll see you tomorrow, Michael.” She winked at Spencer, and he almost swallowed his tongue. “It was nice meeting you, uncle Spencer.” She waved again and then turned up the stairs to disappear into the building.

Spencer let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding, and then turned to Michael. “Well. All right, are you ready to go home?”

…

They were settled into the car and halfway home before Michael finally needed to take a breath. Spencer capitalized on the break in conversation.

“So, Ms. Y/L/N seems pretty cool,” Spencer hedged.

“Yeah, she’s the best,” Michael confirmed with a nod. “On Fridays she lets us put on the smocks and paint. And she has really good story voices. Oh, and she also has these really cool blocks that stick together—magnet blocks. And when I fell off the jungle gym and got a big scrape, she gave me a Paw Patrol bandaid! And she gives great hugs.”

“Good story voices, huh?” Spencer met Michael’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Better than mine?”

Michael tilted his head in deep thought. “Hmmmm. It’s pretty close. Your wizard voice is good, but she does accents.”

Spencer blew out a dramatic breath. “Guess I’m going to have to up my game.”

“You’re gonna have to practice a lot, because Ms. Y/L/N reads to us every day.” Michael raised his eyebrows in a challenge.

“Hey!” Spencer looked incredulous. “I read every day, too!”

“Yeah, but do you read with story voices every day?” Michael clarified.

Spencer sighed. “Well, I guess not.”

“It’s okay, uncle Spencer,” Michael soothed. “You can’t be the best at everything.”

“So they are better than mine?”

Michael pressed his lips together, and Spencer almost laughed at how much he looked like JJ. “... maybe.”

…

A trail of shoes and school supplies led to the couch, where Spencer and Michael sat shoulder to shoulder. They were on their second read of Giraffe Problems. Spencer took a long, dramatic breath before launching into Cyrus’ banana speech, and Michael burst into a fit of giggles. With his best theatrical voice, Spencer read down the page. “Yet, day after day, I’ve felt like such a fool as I stretched my neck toward those greedy branches, only to be limited by my own physical shortcomings.” He flipped the page and changed his tone. “You… want a banana from a tree?” He looked at Michael and said, quickly and in a low voice, “That’s what I said, yes.” Michael wheezed out another laugh.

Spencer finished the story, Michael mouthing the words along with him. When they reached the last page, Spencer softly closed the book and propped his feet up on the coffee table. “That’s a pretty great story.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed. “Ms. Y/L/N said she likes it because it reminds us that we gotta love ourselves and our bodies for how they are.”

Spencer nodded. “Absolutely. We’re all different, and that’s what makes us special.”

“Yeah. I just really like when he’s wearing all the scarves.” Michael burst into another fit of laughter, and Spencer couldn’t help but laugh with him.

The front door opened, and Will was smiling as he stepped over the threshold. “I could hear y’all laughing all the way down the sidewalk.”

“Daddy!” Michael jumped up from the couch, and Will bent to scoop him up, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Hey, kiddo. Sorry I couldn’t pick you up. It sure sounds like you and uncle Spencer had fun, though.” He shot Spencer a wide smile.

“We read Giraffe Problems. Can we read it again later?” Michael asked.

“Sure thing. We can read it before bedtime.” Will set him down, furrowing his brow. “Wait, Giraffe Problems? Is that a new one?”

Michael shook his head. “Ms. Y/L/N let me borrow it from the library. I have to give it back in two weeks.”

“Man, Michael, you really lucked out, huh?” Will posited. “Ms. Y/L/N is so good to you.”

“Jeez, everybody’s saying that today,” Michael sighed. “Yes, Ms. Y/L/N is amazing, we all know this.”

“All right, sass monster. I didn’t know uncle Spencer thought she was amazing, too.” Will grinned. “We gotta go pick up Henry in a few minutes. I’ll get you a snack, and you can pick up your things?” He gestured to the mess of shoes and school supplies in the foyer.

Spencer smiled sheepishly. “That’s probably my fault. We were just so excited to read the book.”

“Ah yeah, I know how he gets.” Will crossed to the kitchen. “A one track mind, that one. Thanks again for picking him up today.”

Spencer stood from the couch and followed, hands stuffed in his pockets. “It’s no problem at all! I can do it any time.”

“Well, I don’t want to bother y—”

“It’s not a bother!” Spencer schooled his voice back into a normal register at Will’s raised eyebrow. “It—It’s not a bother at all. I, um— I have a lot of free time when I’m on sabbatical. Especially since I’m only teaching one course this semester. Plus, I love seeing the boys.”

“I’ll remember that.” Will smiled. “So… Ms. Y/L/N’s amazing, huh?”

Spencer just knew that his cheeks were as red as the apple Will was cutting up. He tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Yeah, she was— she was really nice.”

“She’s not bad looking, either,” Will supplied. When Spencer’s mouth fell open, Will continued, “What? JJ thinks so, too. Don’t tell me you didn’t even look, because I know that’s a lie.”

Spencer sputtered, “I— well, I—”

“Daddy, can we get an ice-cream on the way home?” Michael interrupted, completely unfazed.

Will laughed. “Saved by the bell, uncle Spencer. Yeah, buddy, we can get ice-cream.”

…

“It’s not weird to look her up. I just want to know more about the person who’s educating my godson,” Spencer tried to reassure himself as he pulled up the school’s website. He scrolled to find the teacher pages, a little smile crossing his face when he saw Ms. Y/L/N’s picture— white ruffled shirt, red bow, and black hat. A perfect tribute to Mary Poppins.

He dropped his smile. “She barely said five sentences to you, and you didn’t say anything back.” His eyes wandered over the links on the side, landing on the About Me section. “But she did say she’d heard a lot about you, so it’s only fair that you get to know a little about her.” Against his better judgment, he clicked the page link. A photo of Ms. Y/L/N— grinning and holding a very distraught-looking black cat— popped up on the screen, and Spencer laughed aloud.

I grew up on a farm outside of Fayetteville, NC before moving to Boston to complete my undergraduate degree. I moved to DC to earn my Master’s in Early Childhood Education, and I have been teaching here for 8 years! I love working with young learners, because children grow so much in their foundational years. Watching a child have a lightbulb moment is one of my greatest joys. When I'm not in the classroom, I love to read, travel, play scrabble, and spend time with my cat Roald (pronounced Roo-all)!

Spencer scrolled through the pictures of Ms. Y/L/N and her students. There were pictures in their “smocks,” which Spencer discovered were really just old t-shirts. There was one of her in the middle of some very animated story telling, and another of a field trip to the zoo. In each one, the smiles beamed out through the computer screen in a digital portrait of unbridled joy, contagious even over the waves of the internet. Smiling to himself, he clicked on the tab labeled Teaching Philosophy.

I believe that every child is an extraordinary and essential piece of our classroom puzzle. In order to nurture the unique individuality of each of my students, I work hard to make our classroom a safe, positive, and supportive community where students are given the space to express themselves. Our classroom culture is also one of kindness and creativity, where each individual is valued and celebrated for who they are!

Spencer swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat as he thought back on his own school career. While his teachers had always appreciated his intelligence, he honestly couldn’t recall a moment where he had felt valued for just… being himself. The majority of his time in school had been spent unsuccessfully fending off bullies, completing other students’ homework, or being gawked at like some sort of alien. He was grateful that Michael would hopefully never go through anything like what he’d experienced; at least not while Ms. Y/L/N was around.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he leaned back in the desk chair to pull it out. He swiped it open to read the incoming text.

JJ: So......... you like Ms. Y/L/N, huh? 😉😉😉

Spencer: What?! Did Will tell you that? I didn’t say that.

JJ: Some things you don’t have to say out loud, Spence.

———

Tags: @spacedikut

[thefanficmonster]

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it. 

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went? 

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him. 

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[tiredofsilence]

A rant about Buddie from a narrative standpoint that nobody asked for

TLDR: from a narrative standpoint it would not make a lot of sense to not have Buddie become canon if you look at both their current storylines and any possible future storylines. Also if they were a straight pairing wouldn’t be doubting it in the first place.

As much as we like to talk about fictional characters as people with feelings who make decisions, the reality is that them and the things they experience are written by people, and those people usually plan out these storylines to make them interesting for the viewer. I am in no way an expert in any of this, but I have seen a lot of tv series and even more romantic storylines so I have a vague idea of how most of these storylines play out.

I just want to start off by saying that from a narrative standpoint I really don’t see this going anywhere other than a relationship. Nothing else would really make sense. To illustrate this properly I’m going to divide this rant into two sections: their current storylines and future storylines if/when their relationship becomes canon

Their current storylines

Both Buck and Eddie are on a sort of a journey of self-discovery this season. Buck’s is about his identity; who he is and how he fits into the world. Eddie’s is more about starting a new chapter and moving on from his past.

These storylines seem like they run parallel to each other, but they’re actually quite intertwined. A large part of Buck’s identity is his relationship with Eddie and Christopher and the family dynamic that they have created. Similarly, Eddie has found a great support in Buck, and he is a big part in the new chapter that he is entering in his life, and someone he can lean on to help him move on from this past. Both of their storylines can not come to a satisfying and logical conclusion without the other person being a big part of it, simply because that’s how their dynamic has already been established and it wouldn’t make sense for that to change. The only change I see is them actually becoming better at communicating and getting even closer.

To add onto that, if either of them were to get girlfriends (cause if Buddie doesn’t happen the SOs will be female lbr) the relationship they form with those girlfriends would have to exist alongside the relationship they have with each other. Because they are incredibly close and it wouldn’t make sense for either of them to loosen their friendship because we’ve already seen that if they are away from each other even a little too long they both lose their damn minds. So just imagine having a boyfriend that basically co-parents his best friend’s kid and spends most of his time at that best friend’s house or them at his house. It would just be a super weird dynamic, and wouldn’t make any sense from a narrative perspective.

I could go on about this for much longer time but I’ll move on to the second part: future storylines

Simply put, Buddie would be an absolute goldmine for storylines if they were to get into a relationship. There is simply just a lot of potential there and I’ll highlight some of them.

The most obvious one is, of course, their sexualities. There’s already a lot of potential there, for themselves but also for the people around them.

Then there’s the idea of a relationship within the same fire department. How do they separate their personal lives from their professional lives. Maybe they keep their relationship a secret for a while because they’re worried about one of them having to go to another department. Also there’s the fact that they would basically spend all day every day with each other, and how they keep their relationships with other people and make sure they have time for themselves.

Christopher has a lot of potential as well. Buck having to go from just Buck to actually being a parent and having to discipline him and take care of him. And Eddie having to come to terms with the idea of there being another parent in the picture, and basically just them having to figure out how they operate as a family.

There’s also their families/the people around them. Maybe Eddie’s family don’t trust Buck to co-parent Christoper. And, similarly, maybe the people around Buck believe that he’s not responsible enough to be a parent. Or maybe there’s some spicy homophobia.

Then of course there’s the relationship itself. Buck and Eddie both have a shit ton of baggage. They have trauma, abandonment issues, familial problems and a whole lot of other stuff. Them finding how they can work as a couple and dealing with all their problems together would probably bring a lot of angst but also a lot of fluff.

If you’ve made it this far kudos to you. I have plenty of more to say but I think this gets my point across pretty well. I feel like they’d have to make many weird twists and turns narratively for any other outcome to make sense. And of we’re all honest with ourselves if one of them was female it would be 100% certain that they end up together. But since queerbaiting sadly still exists we can never know for sure.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

[thatharringrovehoe]

Some more Mob AU stuff cuZ I love it.

- Nancy and Steve never dated, but they have had sex. Once. Nancy wanted her first time to be with someone she trusted and Steve is her BEST FRIEND. She trusts Steve more than anyone. And it's. Not great. Because look. Steve and Nancy have alot in common. To much. They each like to be in control. They're both 100% Tops with a capital T. So when they have sex, even though Nancy is nervous, it ends up being almost a fight. Constantly trying to flip the other over, lots of biting and teeth and frustration because neither of them will submit. Afterwards they put on mud masks and get high and agree that while they love each other there is no way they're ever going to be like that.

- Steve notices the way Jonathan goes all glassy eyed when Nancy walks into the room. How his breath hitches whenever she gets mean. Cuz she is. She's not a bad person, but she's definitely a spoiled brat in a different way than Steve. Because while Steve is starved of love and affection, Nancy has been drowning in it since birth. She's haughty and petulant and will not stop for anything to get what she wants. And Steve is worried at first. Jonathan is a good spymaster and an even better friend so he's reluctant to feed him to the lioness that is Nancy Wheeler.

- He doesn't worry later when he watches Nancy go absolutely gooey with affection the first time Jonathan kisses her in the hallway. How she leads him around like a lost puppy by his camera strap to do what Steve suspects is fucking filthy things to him in the photo development room. Because he knows what Nancy likes. Knows that while Steve kills with kindness Nancy Wheeler is all bite and no bark. Likes to make the pleasure sting. And judging by the way Jonathan practically drools when she rakes her manicured nails down his chest over his shirt while they make out leaning against Jonathan's car after school, he 100% is down to be destroyed by Nancy *the princess* Wheeler.

- Jonathan is still a creep. The only difference here is that he's NEVER crossed Steve. Because when the Harrington kid came up to him in 8th grade and asked if he'd heard any interesting rumors Jonathan thought it was a joke. Just another shot at that weird Byers kid. Had half a mind to tell him to go fuck himself. But right as Tommy curled the beginnings of a mean smirk, Steve shut him down without even looking at him. Just held up his hand. Down boy. And Jonathan thought "You know what? Fuck it." Because if he was lying then he was just like everyone else anyway. But if he was telling the truth. Well. He wasn't above bribery. Told Steve everything he knew. Earned himself a seat in King Steve's court. Used the shadows that always used to swallow him up as a cloak. Held himself with a little more confidence because the monarch of Hawkins may have everyone's secrets. But Jonathan spun the web.

- Billy and Jonathan actually get along really well. They get high and talk about music whenever they're not otherwise occupied getting fucking wrecked by their spoiled rich kid Tops. Billy is low key concerned for Jonathan because damn. Wheeler is fucking savage. Like they'll be passing the joint back and forth and Jonathan will start getting almost to detailed the longer they smoke. Billy did not need to know Nancy Wheeler pegs her boyfriend with a dildo that big okay?

- Carole and Tommy are actually married. Like legally. As soon as Carole turned sixteen Tommy BEGGED Steve to pull some strings. To forge some documents. Cuz Tommy LOVED Carole. She was it. And Tommy could be one nasty piece of work but he would die for this girl no hesitation. And Steve is a sucker for that romantic shit. Set them up with a trip to Italy where a lot of Steve's mother's family lives. Because his grandfather respects a man who's ready to commit to his woman like that. And Steve is his grandmother's favorite. They have a ceremony in a little Church at the heart of the village. Tommy did not fucking cry when he saw Carole in her dress okay? It was just dusty in that old church, shut up.

- Nancy and Carole HATE each other. But in a very wasp-ish kinda way. Will hang out and have 'spa days, just us girls' but would choke each other out given the slightest opportunity. Tommy thinks it's hot. He will never tell Carole this.

- Dustin is obsessed with the fact that Nancy and Steve are kind of mirrored? Just two dominant rich kids that fell in love with emotionally stunted boys that were abused by their fathers? They both have dark brunet hair and big brown eyes? Their boyfriends are blonde? Steve are you listening? Steve!

- Steve gets really bad nightmares. Like wake up mid panic attack bad. And he's usually really good at hiding it from Billy. Is careful not to sleep to deeply around him. But one night after some fucking incredible sex Steve just passes the fuck out cuddling. The next thing he knows he's being shaken awake by a terrified Billy Hargrove. Because Steve had been screamin and shakin and cryin out and Billy was ready to burn down this hick town looking for whoever hurt Steve like this. Was gunna bury them in the Hawkins woods and piss on their grave. And that's when Steve tells him everything about the upside down. Introduces him to El to prove it.

- Speaking of, El doesn't spend a year all alone in a fucking cabin. Because Steve knows everyone's secrets and he likes having people in his pocket. And as much as Hopper dislikes Steve Harrington he can't say no when the king of Hawkins offers Jim perfectly forged paperwork for his 'daughter' El. So El goes to school and spends time learning how to be an actual child while Steve Harrington yanks on the leash of the chief of police whenever he wants.

- Billy is SOFT okay? He's just never been allowed to show it. Had been painted with bruises for just existing so God forbid his father let him show a human emotion. But after a year in Hawkins with Steve he lets his shoulders drop just a little. Will twine his fingers with his boyfriend's during movie night at the Byers. Brings Steve breakfast in bed. The first time he weaves a daisy crown for him Steve almost fucking weeps he's so touched.

- Steve is fucking possessive. Like. Intensely jealous. And at first this was a problem because Billy could not understand why all the girls in Hawkins treated him with kid gloves? They didn't just disregard any playful flirting, they full on didn't acknowledge it. He didn't really get longing stares as he walked through the halls anymore. No more tittering teenage girls blushing over him when he had gym outside. And he's not interested in women but it's nice to be noticed okay? Especially when he puts in so much effort. It starts to make him self conscious. Like, is he just unattractive? Second guesses himself to the point that he stops wearing his shirts unbuttoned and starts to get a little obsessive over working out. It's when Billy starts skipping meals that Steve notices. Sees Billy's lip wobble a little when he asks Steve if he's actually attracted to him or if he's just being nice. And Steve has to explain that he just... Doesn't share well. At all. That when Andrew Brady showed up to school last month with a fat lip and a limp it was because Steve had heard him talking with his buddies behind the general store about how he wanted to bend Billy over his Camaro and make him scream.

- And Billy is just. Shook. Gets all warm and fuzzy because no one hase ever loved him this much. Never wanted Billy this much. Wanted Billy to stay. Can feel tears willing up behind his lashes because the most amazing boy he's ever met is so over the moon for Billy that he's willing to draw blood on his behalf. Kisses Steve so hard they both forget to breath. Feels safe and loved, because he belongs to Steve Harrington. However he still flirts with people on the daily though cuz he's a little shit. And hey if it means his jealous boyfriend rails him so good he forgets his own goddamn name then that's just a bonus.