#Best experience ever today
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2day I got a complaint by someone in a ptv shirt in Target :3 (I'm in a black parade shirt)
THE WERE SO COOL I WAS SO HAPPY
#Emo#OMG THEY LOOKED SO COOL#THEIR HAIR WAS SO FLUFFY AAAHHH#And by a hot topic employee#Best experience ever today
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jeanette lee, a brooklyn-born pool player nicknamed the “black widow” for her tendency to wear all black outfits and “lure [her] opponents to the table and eat them alive.” some of my favorite photos of her :)
her vogue article here. sports illustrated article here.
photo creds: 1 - drew endicott via vogue. 2. 3. 4.
#jeanette lee#fashion#90s fashion#00s fashion#pool#billards#women’s professional billards association#just look up her name on flickr and it’s a gold mine of the coolest person you’ve ever seen#these are from the 90s-00s but mind you she remains super cool today!!#hall of famer mind you!!#the SI article touches on her experience with cancer right now#she’s such an interesting person wishing the best for her for sure#00s#90s#web finds
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Aradia August Day 13: Pale
#Hi sorry I got distracted by an idea for a game#I've been looking into indie game jobs and the best experience is having already worked on or made games so I got to thinking about what I#would make if I had to do a solo project and it kinda spiraled from there#and now I have to draw three Aradias today#this Sollux is inspired by hamsterlover38's absolutely pathetic little Sollux they draw#this is also probably the only arasol you'll ever get out of me so enjoy it#aradiaaugust#aradia megido#sollux captor#arasol#hs#homestuck#my art
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Dear Soybean.
I have been watching you awhile now. Not in a creepy way, but in a way where you watch a lizard cross your path on a forest hike. I come on Tumblr this night and I find my dash full, absolutely overflowing, like a water pipe that's about to burst, with Naruto posts.
I have never seen Naruto.
As politely as possible, I must inquire, What the fuck?
Listen. You have to watch Naruto. YOU NEED to watch Naruto. It's not good but it takes over your mind like a disease. It inflicts a madness that erupts every once in a while. Last nights 100 reblog spam was a failing to contain it as it took over me again. You can never unbecome a Naruto fan. I'm rewatching the land of waves arc as i type this
#I fucking hate naruto but it drives me insane ive never been able to stop caring about it since i watched it#One of the best experiences i ever had watching a show. Also shippuden was one of the worst shows i ever watched#Thanks for the ask!! Gave me a good laugh upon waking up#ask#soybean screams#I got a print of Itachi Uchiha playing the sims 2 the other day and im gonna buy a picture frame for it today because its now one of my-#-most important possessions
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Idk if you check this blog anymore...
weheheheheheheh, dead blog dead blog dead bloooog *dances around in your inbox*
piplicious monastery adventures
#asks#ive been heavily limiting my social media time . and only drawing for myself . this whole time. and its so awesome its my best decision#ever#10/10 esp in comparison to the modern fandom experience#i only logged in today due to the International Holiday i wont come back here anymore
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btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST
#this month has been so crazy#being an adult is constantly switching from bone deep exhaustion to fully packed calendars for social things#and i love the social things don't get me wrong but like#i need time to rot#i need time to stare out the window and daydream#and i have had the bEST scenarios come up in my head just before i fall asleep#(aka the main way i get any of my writing outlined lol)#but i have barely even opened my laptop in the past two weeks#never mind written anything down#anyway what i am trying to say is that i think this 'forced' break kind of got my muse going again#i am thinking of all the things and i even wanted to write a little bit for biker!Paz again which#let me tell you#has not happened in a LONG LONG time#also also#sarah made me the PRETTIEST BESTEST AWESOMEST friendship bracelets for calm and the one#and obv i am now thinking again of that other bodyguard!paz idea i had going in my brain that one time#cause i kind of forgot about The One???#but also did i ever tell you guys about the modern calmer au i was thinking of?#bc i had a weird/uncomfy rideshare experience recently#and nothing happened and i was never unsafe at any point#but boy oh boy do i think this would fit in that au#anyway#i know there are some asks in my inbox that i never got to so maybe i'll get to it today!#may rambles
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suddenly remembering the time (2017 or 2018 iirc) i went to an anime convention cosplaying as Grell Sutcliffe from Black Butler and proceeded to get misgendered by nearly everyone at the con. for the record, for those unaware, Grell is canonically a trans woman; in-story characters constantly misgender her, but these characters are very obviously being mean, and at every opportunity she asserts her gender.
(the same con i saw people persistently misgendering someone in a cosplay of Diamond from Land of the Lustrous, a series where the majority of the characters canonically go by they/them in official English translations)
what i'm saying is the late 2010s were a hellish time to be a trans person in cosplay, especially as a character who isn't a traditionally "passing" character (or, in the latter case, as one who doesn't go by he or she).
#kuroshitsuji#houseki no kuni#i regret doing that cosplay when i was early in transition#people's reactions gave me far more dysphoria than i ever expected#also i spent way too much money on a new vest for that cosplay because the one i had initially was way too small to fit me#anyway i haven't done that cosplay since and probably will never do it again; that experience ruined it for me#i was so happy with the cosplay initially too--it actually was one of my best ones i've ever done#has anyone else cosplayed as Grell? if so please tell me your experience.#i wonder if the same thing would happen if i did that cosplay again today. probably would :/
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,
#I miss her so much#dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy#we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach#this has always been our dynamic#she’s just not the initiator type#which was fine at first#but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return#so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it#anyway she graduated college today#and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other#but something abt it just kinda hit me today#a part of me wishes she had reached out#but maybe this is for the best#I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time#the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship#I’ve always had a hard time letting people go#a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time#it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice#or part of their larger group#I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times#but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her#personal#rambles#vent#it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning#but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two#and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends#idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig
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i get out of my classes feeling like life is worth living and music is everything i swear
#especially today it was so good 😭#we had a singer come in and we built a song for her to sing#and she was so good and i learned so much abt songwriting#and singing too and production (but that’s a given)#and then getting out of class and getting to talk with my classmate abt it#all the way to the bus station is so 🫶#i needed experiences like this so bad#i feel like i am learning a lot and having different experiences#when it comes to socializing and it’s so cool that#music led me to these people and these experiences#and idk i am very grateful 🥹 especially today#it was probably the best class i’ve ever attended#tris.txt
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"Abandon all hope all yee who enter"
#so I was watching a video essay today ...#omochao as virgil is probably the best idea ive ever had in my life#I guess this would also be a sonic AU where sonic experiences the horrors#funny how I solve my own problems#cool sonic archive#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth au#sth fandom#sonic fanart#sonic au#sonics inferno au
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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she's finally done! yippee
#bobtalk#my art#<-once again...Technically#figura mod for minecraft btw. the shader is sildur's vibrant#well. most of the work was done Forever ago i just decided today to 1. port her to a newer version of the mod#(which was a bit of a pain because they changed A Lot about how things work. had me losing it a little but i DID IT!)#and 2. fix up her textures a tad...im still not the best skin maker but well. i think its good enough...!#(lots of details got lost (see: her mask) but i didnt want to go above minecraft's texture resolution lol)#the model is pretty vanilla. i just added a toggleable mask and her ponytail and coat tails NEITHER OF WHICH CLIP!!#i think i liveblogged doing that a bit forever ago? but that was hard work <- very little experience <- but that's part of the fun#anyway. i made her even though she's not my Favorite (i do love her tho) bc i thought she'd be a good starting point with her#extra stuff i'd have to work with#also she should theoretically work fine in multiplayer (for the mask change n stuff i set up the pings) but i cant. really. test it. so..lo#might put her up for download at some point. someone might get some use out of her...? shrug#next...i wanna make akc.....hehe ^_^#...mask might be hard for that one.#(if i was ever gonna revisit this model id consider adding a hair down toggle but i think im done with her for the time being lol)
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never doubt the power of the OBX Gender Euphoria Hoodie of Swagness: it doesn't eliminate the sensory issues i've got from the tape on the electrodes but it sure does make me feel less like i want to tear every inch of skin off 10/10 can recommend.
#i put it on and like 8 of the 7 different issues i was having were eliminated immediately#shhh don't look at the numbers it's fine don't worry about it#i'm actively going through an Anxiety Event so bad it made me take a knee when we got home which is yknow unusual#and considering i'm hooked up to a heart monitor today i really kind of need to not be having abnormal heart events actually#i mean i can but like i'm not like... i want it to be indicative of my Usual Daily Activities and i'm just not very active most days#because of the horrors mostly#i'm just not sure if i need to mark every time i'm Super Aware of my heartbeat or not because i don't know if i'm just always too aware#and it's just doing Normal Heart Things or if i'm having a thing and going ''oh yeah that's a normal heart thing i'm sure of it''#because i don't know the difference! this is very fun (: (smiely face flown upside down to show distress)#if the tape didn't itch so fuckin' bad i would probably forget i was wearing the thing#but alas my own personal hell where my skin is So Sensitive To This One Thing In Particular and it's in all the most sensitive places#for the first time ever though someone actually gave me advice on how to fix it#which is to wash the residual stickies off and then put on anti-itch cream like!!!!#if it works i'm gonna be so ecstatic cause i fuckin' cannot stand that sometimes the bandaid rash is worse than the initial thing#that i put the bandaid on for#anywa stay salty obx hoodie of gender is the best hoodie and i am so glad i spent tourist money for it#well worth the expense for what i'm getting out of the experience
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spn poetry month - day 1 - falling: butterfly effect
very brief Cas Poem to kick off the month!
@spnpoetryrenaissance
#spnpoetryrenaissance#spn poetry#did i forget to put the title on there before i took a screenshot? yeah. its too late now#this is not my best work ever btw i have decided i am going to Experiment this month. go crazy with it#just noticed the fucked up formatting bro why does the em dash look like this. jesus. full of problems today sorry y'all.#hopefully tm i will be full of Solutions#day 1
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a girl walks home alone at night pandalily au when send tweet
#watched this for class today#in THEATRES#i was genuinely fucking hysterical afterwards#genuinely!!!!!! one of the best films ive ever seen#cant remember the last time i had a film experience like this :’))))))))
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