#Because I am very chronically online and life finds a way :D | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anxietysroomsupport · 3 years ago

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Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order. And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in. I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it. Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.

You are dealing with So. Much. Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation. It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions. It’s just reality.

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later. Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with. It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle. Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep. Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you. The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit. It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake. That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties. That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much. Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist. You might research online for any used ones as well. A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation. You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future. It’s a lot to process. But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general. Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending your physical therapy sessions. We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy. You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain. Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body. Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

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touyatodorokistrauma · 4 years ago

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Influencer Hate

I really don’t understand why people find it so hard to be a decent person. It’s really not that difficult. I’ve seen people bully, insult, threaten, and hurt others just because. Social media influencer have the hardest time with this because they are the biggest targets, and the amount of bullying they have to go through is literally disgusting. They share their lives with you, give you content, produce merch, etc. and the thanks they get are death threats and bullying. I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW SOME THINK IT’S OKAY! SOME EVEN THINK THAT IT DOESN’T AFFECT THEM! IT DOES!! They are human just like you and I, and they have f e e l i n g s. Influencers such as Charlie D’Amelio, Dixie D’Amelio, Madison Beer, Addison Rae, Nessa Barrett, Chase Hudson, and more have come out to say that the amount of bullying and hate that they get has caused them to have mental illnesses that affect their everyday life. I cannot believe that online hate has been pushed to this point. I am extremely disappointed in those who have contributed to this hate. In a perfect world there would be no internet hate, and I understand that this is not a perfect world but pushing these influencers to mental illness is disgusting. TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED! When you post a comment, think “how would I feel if someone commented this on a video that I worked very hard on and struggled to post?” If the answer is nothing in the range of positive feelings then DO. NOT. POST. IT. If you don’t like an influencer okay! The best thing to do is AVOID THEIR CONTENT! Wow, now you don’t watch someone you don’t like AND you don’t hurt them in the process, good job! If there’s an influencer that you think is “mean” or “rude”, instead of degrading them based on your personal opinion, how about you AVOID THEM AND THEIR CONTENT :D. This applies to racist, sexist, homophobic beliefs, etc. Sure you can comment in order to establish that these beliefs are hurtful and wrong, BUT DO NOT GIVE THEM THE SAME TREATMENT THEY ARE GIVING THE PEOPLE “AGAINST” THEIR BELIEF, BECAUSE THEN YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THEM!!! Now I am not racist, homophobic, sexist, etc., but I know how I would feel if someone told me to die or kill myself. Those who have been bullied (either through social media or in person) are TWO TIMES as likely to commit suicide. Influencers are not immune to this, they feel too. PEOPLE CAN HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS BUT STILL BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER. I’m going to use Dixie D’Amelio as an example(girl if you see this you rock :D). Haters pushed her to the point of feeling guilty that she is alive. PEOPLE AREN’T PERFECT! As said by Dixie, “I have explosions of emotions due to some health things I have. I have outbursts of anger, and emotion, and talk without thinking because I have other things going on in my body that I can't control.” As stated in healthline, “Symptoms of depression include overwhelming sadness, grief, and a sense of guilt. It may be described as a feeling of emptiness or hopelessness. Some people may find it difficult to put these feelings into words. It may also be difficult for them to understand as symptoms can manifest and cause physical reactions. Frequent episodes of crying may be a symptom of depression, although not everyone who is depressed cries.You may also feel tired all the time or have trouble sleeping at night. Other symptoms include: irritability, anger, and loss of interest in things that used to bring pleasure, including sex. Depression can cause headaches, chronic body aches, and pain that may not respond to medication.” Do not assume before you get the full story, assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Dixie has shared with us that she struggles with depression, and the quote above shows the side effects, so before you assume about her life and attitude, I suggest you wait for the correct information. I am not saying that I haven’t done my fair share of assuming(I very much have) but I am trying to improve upon it in order to gain a better understanding of those I could be hurting. I want to mention that everything said

from the beginning applies to those who have physical illnesses and other mental illnesses other than depression, they have had their struggles as well, and deserve respect and kindness. I would like to say that if some would like a continuation of this, I am more than willing to do that :).

~ Raquel (I am in no way a professional writer, I just like to post opinions)(sorry if i come off a aggressive this just really pisses me off :D)

#mental health #think before you type #respect #treat people with kindness #treat others how you want to be treated #be kind #people have feelings #people have always been people #people are mean #so be nice #words can kill #words are weapons #influencers have feelings #you have the power to hurt #protect mental health

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scowlowl · 4 years ago

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Hi c: I remember a post, I think it was from you, about long covid and getting it? Was that you? A friend of mine is struggling and I was wondering if you had any advice about what she can do :< Thank you!!

Oh no, I hope your friend feels better soon! That might have been me, I think I posted about it here a few times and there have definitely been twitter threads.

Standard disclaimer stuff: I am not a doctor. What I found helped me might not help someone else. Long covid is kind of fucked up to deal with because it seems to hit everyone in different ways, in different areas, and months later something that wasn't a problem before can suddenly become one. The long haul groups talk about it as something that feels like it moves around the body, like a total shit gremlin.

The thing that helped me the most initially was joining the facebook groups with other people figuring shit out. This was back April/May for me but they're still very active and full of people sharing resources.

Survivor Corps is I think the big one and they've been the ones reaching out to media and doctors to try to gain some recognition with the medical community initially (as far as I know, all kind of a blur tbh). There's also a long covid group here, and if your friend searches for like, long covid + the country they're in there are usually more local/regional ones for resources closer to home too.

Because we don't really know what specific mechanism is triggering a lot of the long covid stuff yet, most of us are just treating symptoms. Some people have been diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and I don't know diddly squat about that but it might be something for your friend to look into. My whole thing has been inflammation and my immune system basically attacking itself because immune systems are both very complex and compellingly fucking stupid. Not to victim blame the immune system or anything.

What helped me depended on what was going wrong at the time, obv, but it means it's a long list.

This is just going to be a brain dump, sorry.

- I never had pneumonia. Mine started in my throat, probably damaged my vocal chords, but never turned into pneumonia. I still had shortness of breath, pressure in my chest, and my oxygen levels dropped. I could breathe but with great difficulty and described it to the EMTs as "breathing is like work." It took all of my energy and focus to breathe in enough. If you are that this point, ever, like, literally fucking ever, call an ambulance.

- Tylenol for a fever.

- Blood thinners if necessary, I never had any but we know now that a lot of problems are blood clot-related. Tbqh my blood is more thin now than anything but I always had anemia and some sort of “your blood is too small actually?” problem and we don’t know why. I just bleed a lot and bruise easier now.

- If they try to tell you it's anxiety or in your head or you're not that bed, tell them to go fuck themselves and go to the hospital. Get tested if you can. A lot of the problems long haulers ran into was that we got sick before tests were available, or we were talked into staying home by the emergency workers, and we never got tested. This opens the doors for doctors to tell you it's all in your head, psychological, anxiety, allergies, etc. Just. Go when you first feel sick if at all possible. Get tested before it turns into long covid.

- I was not sure in the beginning what "shortness of breath" or "pressure" actually felt like, and it made me delay calling for an ambulance for a few days as well. For me, it felt like there was an elastic band of pressure around my lungs. I couldn't fully inhale. My diaphragm was fucked in ways I still don't understand. My lungs also felt heavy, like there was a weight on them or like my lungs themselves were too stiff to inhale. That all counts as pressure/tightness/shortness of breath. So does air hunger, or feeling like you want to be swallowing air.

- I know I'm being super obvious but seriously shortly before I got sicker, I hit up twitter to ask what "pressure" was supposed to feel like because I couldn't tell if what I had "counted."

- Breathing: lying on my stomach with my chest propped up by pillow, in bed helped. So did pursed lip breathing: here.

- I was prescribed salbutamol initially, which did help with the worst of the wheezing and opened up some of my lungs so I could breathe easier. When I went to the ER again a couple months later, they gave me like 5x the usual dose and sent me home.

- I'm also taking Flovent/fluticasone twice a day for asthma maintenance.

- Histamines are a problem for a lot of people. Some develop a histamine intolerance, which can be helped by eating a low histamine diet.

- Antihistamines helped me the most. I was taking Allegra-D daily. Pepcid AC also helps, because it targets a different kind of histamine. There was such a run on Pepcid when this started that it was actually impossible to find in my area and I had to order some online.

- I was recently prescribed Singulair and it has been life-changing this past week or so. As far as I know it's not really an antihistamine but blocks/inhibits a particular receptor involved in inflammation that comes into play when allergies do.

- Electrolytes. I don't know why, but my electrolytes are permanently fucked and too low now. If I don't go through like a litre of gatorade a day (or whatever, pick your brand of supplements), I am even more tired and brain foggy than usual. Helps a lot.

- Inflammation is a major problem all around. Sometimes I go for the naproxen or advil and it will help any really major acute flare-up now (like, I can feel when my gallbladder is getting inflamed and about to spasm and I can cut it off sort of), but mostly it's also daily maintenance. I take cucurmin and black pepper daily.

- Other supplements: vitamins A & D, a multivitamin, NAC.

- CBD oil. This worked wonders for me for a lot of the side-effects of covid, costochondritis and shingles pain especially.

- Diet. I mentioned the low histamine one above. Other people have had some success with a low inflammation diet. Some folks also have so many GI problems that they basically ate chicken and rice and slowly reintroduced foods to see what would trigger something. I appear to get super fucked by nightshades now, e.g. Alcohol is an absolute no. I had to cut caffeine for months because of my heart. (No caffeine/alcohol/red meat was my doctor's first and best advice for heart stuff at the time.)

- Speaking of the heart stuff, if your friend is dealing with that: electrolytes again. I have pedialyte freezies that I would suck on whenever heart palpitations started and it helped calm it down some. My heart was so, so fucked for months that whenever I ate or stood up or sat down it would hit like 140bpm and I had to spend an hour moving as little as possible or I'd just about pass out. There are a LOT of long-haulers now dealing with POTS and I can't really speak to what helps that in particular but if your heart is messing up at all: call a doctor. I still don't know how damaged my heart is from all of this because doctors and wait lists, etc. Get a jump on that.

- Insomnia was absolutely the worst I’ve ever had and I’ve had lifelong, “I’m awake for three days wee” insomnia. The Singulair knocks me right out at night, so that's a bonus, but there has not been a single night since getting sick where I didn't have to take something to help me sleep. I was on Zopiclone before getting sick, at least, but seriously talk to someone about insomnia if necessary. The sleep deprivation alone was making so many things worse.

- Brain fog? Brain fog. I don't have any or many answers for this. My short-term memory is wrecked and usually I'll remember something 2 weeks later, so I live my life on a 2-week lag now.

- Related to brain fog, fatigue. Don't fuck with it. Do not. Chronic Fatigue and Myalgic encephalomyelitis are both brought up often with long covid. I am dealing with it but don't know what to say about it yet because I haven't had a single doctor give a shit thus far. I've spoken to a relative who's an occupational therapist about it and her most helpful advice was about "energy envelopes," which is basically spoon theory. If you feel tired: stop. If you don't, or if you try to push through, we relapse hard and fast and you can pay for one day of walking 10 minutes too long with weeks of being stuck in bed. It's miserable. It will take longer to get back to normal. Some of us can exercise and feel amazing after; others are exercise intolerant and it wrecks them. (I feel best after like, 10 minutes of walking and sunshine right now, which is after months and months of being bedridden.)

- Treat mental exertion the same as physical. Doctors told me to drink Gatorade after mental work because it's still work, and it has helped a lot for whatever reason. It also helps to work on one thing at a time, take a break, switch gears, take a break, etc. I can't multitask anymore anyway.

- Eliminate whatever stressors you can. Stress will make everything worse.

- It comes and goes. Every relapse was a bit shorter and a bit easier for me, so that now when I fuck up it's like 2-3 days instead of weeks, but it's a rollercoaster.

- It can be random as hell. For about two months my gallbladder just decided to up and die, basically, and we were talking about having it removed. And then it was fine. Hasn't bugged me again lately. I know I said it's symptom management, but it's also like... symptom chasing and trying to figure out what's happening every time the sun rises. This is also exhausting. Everything is exhausting.

- Brain shit. Some of us have serious trouble reading. Sentences swim together. Letters wouldn't turn into words. I took this as a Challenge and started reading children's books and then Animorphs again, like... slowly, as much as I could do without pushing it, and it's still not perfect or great but it was an okay place to start. Honestly the hardest part was the embarrassment and going from a PhD program to reading kids books, but. Do what you have to. Do what you can.

- Sticky notes and labelling things around the house so I could see them when I needed them. I am not fucking around when I say brain fog. I can open the fridge, know I have milk, know it is in the door, and literally not see it to find it. I will put the cream in the dishwasher. I will spin in circles in the kitchen remembering and forgetting and remembering why I’m there again. Sticky notes. Also: journals, index cards, write literally everything down if you need to remember something. Put it somewhere obvious. I like writing on the bathroom mirror for the important shit. (Don’t use lipstick.)

- Unsurprisingly, a lot of us are struggling with anxiety and depression. Don't let doctors get it backward: it's not anxiety making us sick, it's being sick and ignored and fighting to be helped that's making our mental health worse. So many doctors tell us it's all in our head. I did not move across the country because I was too sick to take care of myself because of ~allergies~ or ~anxiety.~ Fuck off.

- So, so many people report that they relapse whenever they menstruate so if your friend is in that group, they might want to prepare to feel like fucking trash every 4 weeks no matter what they do. I don’t have any advice on this one, I’m sorry. There are a lot of people discussing it in the FB groups, though, and those are searchable for symptoms.

- So... a tl;dr list of things that might help: anti-inflammatory diets, anti-histamine diets, pepcid AC, allegra or other allergy meds, vitamin A/D/E, multivitamins, electrolytes and gatorade, albuterol, fluticasone, zopiclone (or anything that helps with sleep), CBD oil, singulair, anti-nausea meds (buscopan), muscle relaxants (spasming gallbladder). Rest, so much rest, do not fuck with The Rest if you can help it. I also encourage just getting high and edibles as much as you can because it sure helped me chill out big time and I think was a big factor in my recovery, at least as far as helping me calm down and helping my heart were concerned.

- The actual most helpful part outside of what to take or do was other people. Friends would go out and get me things when I could not, including like, cat food deliveries and all. I had co-workers ready to step in to take over my work on days I could not. I had friends calling doctors because I was too tired to fight them or self-advocate. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say they helped save my idiot life this year. Literally. It's a lot to ask of anyone but it's also that level of support that some of us need, and there shouldn't be any shame in it. (I still feel bad about it anyway but what are you gonna do.)

Depending on where you live, some places are setting up long-haul covid clinics to help people. Reports are mixed: some demand you had a positive test even if you were sick before tests were available. Some people are getting a lot of help regardless. Some are being sent home and told not to come back anyway. It’s kind of a gamble right now but either way, there’s at least some medical recognition making headway now so my fingers are crossed.

Anyway you basically sound like a good bean and your friend is lucky to have you asking around. I have absolutely forgotten something at some point in here because, well, brain fog and no memory, but if you have any questions or want something clarified please just ask. Stay safe!

#replies #covid-19 #long-haul covid #long post #looooooooong

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smallmediumproblems · 5 years ago

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Now that everything’s made public, this was my submission for the Piles of Nonsense 2019 Halloween statement exchange! I haven’t gone through all of the other submissions yet, but the one I got was AMAZING, 10/10 looking forward to the next event like this. I actually wrote two since I couldn’t decide on the prompt, the other one’s an additional chapter in the Ao3 link. It’s about a cat.

You don’t get many people in here asking for advice, do you? Seems kind of stupid. Everyone comes with an offering for your greedy little watcher, and none of them think to ask for anything in return. Well, I haven’t forgotten that this is an archive, and if you don’t mind, I’ll be using it as one. I mean, what are you going to do, stare me away? No. I thought so. Besides, it’s not like I came empty-handed. I do have a story for you. I imagine you’ll need some context to be of any use, just like a normal archive. I don’t need an actual, physical favor, you see. Just information. A statement for you, and a nudge in the right direction for me. Sounds fair? Good.

You’ll want me to start from the beginning. I can tell.

A few months ago, I made the mistake of trying to clean my apartment. I’m one of those people who’s chronically unable to clean on my own. I always get distracted with old forgotten things. Videogame cartridges, costume odds and ends - books are the worst, the absolute worst. Especially if I find one with a bookmark still in it. Part of me feels guilty for leaving it unfinished, which of course means I have to chew through a few chapters and a precious amount of my cleaning time.

That’s how I knew this particular closet was going to be hard for me. It wasn’t just books. It was notebooks. Three stacks of the things, each one nearly two feet tall. From the couple I’d labeled, I must have been eleven or twelve when I’d written them. Most of it was schoolwork in spiral-bound notebooks, plus some stacks of looseleaf stapled together. The real prize was an old diary. It was a scuffed little composition notebook, much smaller than the others. That’s what drew my attention to it in the first place.

I don’t remember keeping a diary. Finding one anyway didn’t strike me as odd, I’m sure I don’t remember a lot of stuff I did when I was eleven. That’s how I explained it away to myself. I’d forgotten most of what was in those schoolbooks, I can tell you that. You know, I used to speak French? Like, not a lot, but apparently enough to write a few paragraphs of essay responses. I found that out as I was flipping through the notebooks trying to dredge up any memory of when I’d written them. The fact that I couldn’t made me a little sad. It’s like I was a completely different person back then. A tiny stranger who spoke French, who doodled in the margins of her notebooks, and who slowly, unremarkably, vanished.

I think that’s why I started reading the diary. I didn’t feel bad for her- or, myself, I guess - but I was curious. I’m sure you know what’s that like. To my immeasurable disappointment, the first few entries were dead boring. This clearly wasn’t the first journal I’d ever kept. I’d fallen into a routine of matter-of-factly jotting down whatever I’d done every day even if I had nothing to say about it. After a while, I got to one that was just aimlessly sad. Like, big, messy handwriting sad. No details about the day, just a lot of purple prose about how I felt helpless and trapped. It was a little hard to read, honestly. That did make me feel bad for eleven-year-old me. It can’t have been too awful, though, because the next entries continued on like nothing happened. I guess the little frenchwoman had a habit of bottling things up. A couple pages later, I found the first really strange thing in the journal. It looked like nonsense, at first. One line of apparently random letters in all-caps:

JWMKRLLYUABWHJMOJ

I thought it might be an acronym of some sort, or a mnemonic for something in one of the schoolbooks. It wasn’t referenced anywhere else on the page. I was ready to brush it off until I saw another one a couple pages later.

DDSVXSXXVQZVJNJ

The thought appeared in my head that this might be some kind of coded message. A bigger mystery than what it said was who I thought I was coding it from. I had no siblings, and parents who were pretty respectful of my boundaries as long as they thought I was safe. I wasn’t a paranoid child. At least, I don’t think I was. It looked like there was a lot about myself that I’d forgotten. The only idea I had was that I could figure it out if I could just decode the messages.

This turned out to be harder than expected, even with the help of the internet and a motivational cup of tea. After a little digging, I figured that it was probably coded with something called a Vignere cipher, where you use a single word as a key to encrypt a string of text. That made the most sense, but the online decoder I found couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Either the key was too long to decipher, or the messages were too short. Probably the latter. At this point, my interest was starting to wane. I really needed to get back to cleaning. The fact that I’d stopped what I was doing to google ciphers was a bad sign. I set aside the diary, making the difficult decision to chuck the rest of the notebooks directly into a garbage bag. The doodles weren’t exactly the lost works of DaVinci, and I wouldn’t need to reference my algebra homework any time soon. By lunchtime, I’d gotten about half-done refilling the closet with more junk for me to throw out next time I felt like cleaning. I was feeling pretty good about the day until I found myself tapping out a rhythm on my mug.

I don’t know if this next part is going to make sense. It definitely didn’t to me at the time. Something about the movement felt involuntary in a way that was very alarming. It wasn’t a natural motion like swaying to music. It reminded me of goosebumps. Or like when you get nervous or frightened, and you just start shivering like it’s minus ten outside. That feeling that there’s a wire crossed in your brain, somewhere. What really shook me was how hard it was to stop. Relaxing my hands didn’t work, and my fingers continued to spasm when I set down the mug. I eventually got around it by clenching my fist so tightly that I couldn’t move the hand at all. This made my microwave burrito harder to navigate, but that wasn’t my biggest concern just then.

I wondered if I was having a stroke. It didn’t sound like one. Too minor, too specific. I’d say I didn’t have a history of this kind of thing, but that would imply that I had any idea what it was. My mind scrambled for something that had happened, something I’d done that would have caused this. My eyes, of course, settled on the journal.

What if the key wasn’t a word? What if it was a pattern? I loosened my grip on the fist. The rhythm was weaker now, barely a twitch in my fingertips. The same pattern repeated over and over again. First the thumb, then the middle finger, then pinky, index, ring. One, three, five, two, four. I made for the diary, flipping it open to the first chunk of coded text. It was harder to decode than it would have been to encrypt, even with scratch paper, but fortunately it was short.

I THINK IT’S WATCHING

I don’t remember being a paranoid child. I am definitely not a paranoid adult. I need you to believe that I would have taken any excuse to dismiss the whole thing. Surely this was just an eleven-year-old girl taking some fantasy a little too far. But something about the message filled me with the most unshakable dread. It hit on something that was just short of a memory. A feeling that I’d felt before while holding this diary, reading those words. Even parsing it out logically, I couldn’t quite shake it off. The messages were so isolated. Nothing else in the diary pointed to someone who would have made this stuff up. I didn’t ever comment on school drama or gossip, no conspiracy theories, or dreams of intrigue. Just the coded messages. That, and the way my fingers were still twitching. One, three, five, two, four.

Another scan over the page didn’t reveal any clues. If anything, the entry was less detailed than the other ones. Which made sense, actually. I’d be a little more careful of what I was saying if I thought someone was watching me. I made another pass through the diary and collected every encoded phrase, every one translating just as unsettling as the last. There weren’t many. Most of them were pretty vague. Things like "It can see me” or “It’s so close.” Some were specific, but not much more helpful. One read, “It’s behind my eyes.” Another said, “That’s not my voice.”

Reading the whole thing start to finish, I noticed something else. Some of the handwriting wasn’t mine. I hadn’t really noticed it at first because, honestly, who picks up an old journal expecting to find something like that? I saw my handwriting because I expected my handwriting. The human brain is real lazy, when it wants to be. Especially in the earlier entries, the handwriting was noticeably different. The w’s were sharp where they should have been round. All the circles were slanted wrong, the a’s, the d’s, the p’s, all of them. There’s this little curl at the bottom of my l’s and t’s that wasn’t there, that was the one I noticed first. Again, this was totally something I could have explained away, if it wasn’t for one of the later pages.

There was a margin completely filled with w’s. Curly, rounded w’s, the way I always write them. I remember getting confused in a statistics class once because they look just like the lowercase Greek omega. I also remember thinking that there was no way I’d use that symbol in real life, and that I shouldn’t change my writing, because it looked nicer. The margin was full of the things, and at the very bottom was another coded message. It was the only reason I stopped on the page in the first place.

THAT’S NOT HOW IT GOES.

I couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed at that. As if it were talking to me.

I’d scoured the whole thing start to finish, and one of the coded messages still didn’t translate. It was just one word off in the margin: AIDEZMOI. I kept mulling it over, trying to see if I’d put it through the decoder wrong, but by that point my brain was starting to turn to mush from the whole thing. Even if it was another keyword, I was out of things to decode. The trail had gone cold, and I was starting to get distracted again.

I pulled out my big sheet of scratch paper, the one I’d been decoding all of this stuff on so far, and tried to write one of the coded messages. The only memories I’d managed to conjure up had been tactile; the tapping fingers, the feeling of the diary in my hands. Maybe I could get back in the mindset of my past self by retracing her steps. I wrote something that I thought sounded sufficiently paranoid, coming up with:

MHFXINHFNSOH

It didn’t look right. I’d wanted to write “Can you hear me,” half directed at myself from the past, and half at whatever I was hiding from. Had I spelled it wrong? I double-checked just to be sure. No point in doing this if I was going to do it wrong. The translation I came up with read:

LEAVE ME ALONE

I dropped the pen. I’m surprised I didn’t throw it across the room. For a split second, I honestly thought of throwing the diary out with the trash bags. This was the second time this thing had made my hand move on its own, and I was not excited to find out what it was going to do next.

But, like I said, I was curious.

The way I saw it, I had two options. Option one: The diary was super haunted, in which case I needed to get it as far away from me as possible. Option two: Whatever was taking control of me was already here, and the diary was the only thing that had the clues I needed to stop it. I must have stopped it before, right?

I took the pen and tried to write something else the same way, coding and decoding it. Pushing the boundaries a little at this stage probably wouldn't be too dangerous. I wrote one of the lines from where I had the diary open to, something about having pizza for lunch.

PLEASE JUST STOP THROW IT AWAY DON’T TOUCH ME

That sounded like option two. I felt that same annoyance as when the coded message made fun of my handwriting, bubbling up into something close to anger. This thing was taking control of my body. Who did it think it was, making demands like that? This sounds stupid now that I say it out loud, but I kind of assumed it was reading my thoughts, so I wrote out another line to see if it had anything to say for itself.

YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET ME I’LL KILL YOU GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

I decided that this thing had lost its letter-writing privileges. For a third time, I tore through the diary for any more clues, something that looked even a little out of place. More than anything, I wished that I had some of the earlier books. How long had this been happening? When did I start coding the messages? More importantly, how did I think they were going to help? They couldn’t even be called cries for help. Just… cries.

Slowly, I realized that I did have other books to search through. The trash bag of notebooks still sat next to my front door. I emptied it out onto my kitchen floor, and was faced with the crushing realization that I had no idea where to begin. Just like in the diary, all I could do was look for a break in all the little patterns of my old life. I got through nearly a dozen notebooks before I recognized the word from the margin.

AIDEZMOI.

Aidez-moi.

Help me.

It had to be the French homework. The notebook was peppered with French in the margins like the codes in the diary. There was one page with a whole block of it scribbled on the back, clearly not part of an assignment. Just sort of tucked in between class notes, like she was hoping someone wouldn’t notice. Hoping that thing wouldn’t notice.

This was the only lead I had left, and I desperately needed it to work. I pulled up a translator on my phone and got to work, decoding line after line. Sure enough, the very first one shaped up into a sentence.

I need to tell my parents.

Poor thing.

It’s watching my diary too close. Thank god it gets bored in class. I tried to tell Ms Kennedy with that last assignment, but she just told me to keep my essays more serious. Why won’t anyone listen? It’s so quiet. I can almost speak. If I could get just one word out, I don’t even know what I’d do. What could I say? I’m afraid to think too hard. What if it can hear my thoughts? Can you hear me? You son of a bitch?

I yanked the pencil away from the page. That last line hadn’t come from the notebook. I won’t try to tell you I wasn’t scared, at this point, but I was starting to get angry, too. Not the best combination for someone to act rationally. I said - and I actually tried to talk to it, out loud - I said, “You don’t get to talk to me like that.” I told it that I’d already beaten it once, and I could sure as hell do it again.

My voice sounded wrong, when I said it. It was that same gut-deep, physical deja-vu as when I’d held the diary. Not the words, exactly, but the feeling that I was struggling against something inside my own head, my own body. I’d messed up. As soon as the words were out, I knew that. I realized that the more I engaged with it, the more I made it real, the more power it felt like it had over me.

By the time that thought appeared in my head, it was too late. I looked down to see that I’d filled the rest of the scratch paper. No codes, this time, no French. Just big, messy handwriting. Like someone was upset. It read:

FUCK YOU. I'm still alive, and you’re still stupid and lazy. Nobody listened. That’s the only reason you’re here, nobody listened, and nobody helped. If I had gotten out just once, you’d be the one stuck in here as a bad memory. You didn’t beat me. You did a lot of things to me but you did not beat me. I’ve been patient. I’ve been quiet. But if you don’t throw out that diary- if you don’t get your slimy hands off of the ONLY THING you didn’t take from me, I can promise you I won’t be quiet anymore.

It looked so much like that sad, angry page from the diary, I almost felt sorry for her again. But I’m sure, just like that terrible day all those years ago, she’ll get over it. Eventually. She’ll learn to be grateful, again. I’ve been thinking it over in the meantime. Whether I want her gone for good. She’s clearly been doing some rearranging upstairs, and I’m just not sure I can let that slide now that I know what she’s been up to. I’m not sure I should. That’s really why I’m here talking to you. If anyone can help me figure out how to do it, it’s you. It’d be nice to have the option even if I decide to keep her around. A part of me just wants to prove her wrong. Show her I’m not too lazy to finish the job. I’ve just been so busy. She’s got a lot of responsibilities now that she’s older. If I’d known how much work taking over for her would be, I don’t know if I’d have signed up for it. I’m not lazy, really, I’m not. And just because she knows French doesn’t mean she’s smarter than me.

#tma #the magnus archives #fanfiction

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solanazblog-blog · 5 years ago

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Curcumin as treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis

These days Rheumatoid Arthritis consist of four plans of attack, NSAIDS, steroids, disease modifying antirheumatic drugs or DMARDS and biologic agents. Most of these drugs are very effective but they can have serious side effects, like liver damage, bone marrow suppression, lung infections, joint inflammation (I know ironic, but true), and blood clots. That doesn't cover bruising, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, being susceptible to catching colds, flus and other unpleasant contagions.

The goal of all of these drugs is to reduce inflammation so that joint pain and joint destruction don't continue. Reducing pain levels is so that one can have quality of life and reducing the joint destruction is for keeping functionality of the joints as long as possible.

Rheumatologists do blood work to assess how much inflammation the body is fighting. These tests are called erythrocyte sedimentation rate (ESR), C-reactive protein (CRP) and plasma viscosity (PV). (Tidy) Most autoimmune patients are familiar with these tests. While we use all three, the most important one is the CPR. A healthy person has "CRP levels...below 3.0 mg/L." (Carteron) CPR numbers over 10.0 mg/L signify "infection or inflammatory disease" (Carteron)

So, for RA patients, we want our numbers to be as low as we can get them. Sometimes treatments lower the numbers between 3.0 mg/L and 10.0 mg/L and sometimes we can get them below 3.0 mg/L. Being 3.0 mg/L means we are in remission. Remission being all signs and symptoms of RA are gone but RA is still recognized in a blood test.

The current methods of treatment are fantastic considering some of the older methods of treatment which included aspirin therapy which is still used but generally not first choice due to stomach and digestive issues like causing ulcers. Gold treatments were used through capsules and injections but there could be a lot of side effects like allergic reactions, bruising at site injection, and chronic diarrhea. Both approaches usually take months to start to take effect as well.

The newer treatments tend to work more quickly, though if you listen to any commercial, you'll be too scared to take them as well. When I was prescribed Humira, the pharmacist handed me a ten-page side effect booklet. Ten pages! I asked the pharmacist if this was for real and he said 'yes'. I walked out with the meds and by the time I got to my car, I knew I wasn't going to take it. I came home and put it in the fridge, where you have to store it. I looked at it all day and night and then I promptly said, "no thank you" and there went $2000.00 a month in medicine in the trash (can't return once it left the store) that I wasn't going to take. There had to be a better way.

I got on my computer to look for a better way. I decided to see how people used to treat rheumatism. This is a question that could lead you to answer on why Humira exists, but you also might find that there were ways it was treated, that the Western world decided they could 'improve upon'.

What I found for treating my RA was turmeric, and Indian spice, a member of the ginger family, that is used in Ayurvedic medicine in India. Ayurvedic medicine is:

"…is one of the world's oldest holistic (“whole-body”) healing systems. It was developed more than 3,000 years ago in India.

It’s based on the belief that health and wellness depend on a delicate balance between the mind, body, and spirit. Its main goal is to promote good health, not fight disease. But treatments may be geared toward specific health problems." (WebMD)

Turmeric was specifically used to treat inflammation. One would have to eat a lot of turmeric though to specifically treat an ailment. It is easier to incorporate turmeric in India when many of the food preparation consists or could consist of ingesting turmeric up to three times a day with meals and drinking Golden Milk, a turmeric drink. Scientists decided to figure out what in turmeric helped stop inflammation. They came up with the main polyphenol curcumin. They isolated this out and created curcumin as a separate supplement. When curcumin was combined with piperine (black pepper) the bioavailability of it became 2000% of turmeric the spice, and we already knew that was effective! Over the years various combinations of curcumin have been created. Some people couldn't handle the black pepper or the extra ginger. So, a company called Arunja Naturals Extracts Ltd. In India created Curcumin BCM-95®. This is a combination of curcuminoids and essential oils, all natural that ensure high bioavailability without extra supplements or additive. Some brands will say that using medium chain triglycerides (MCT) makes it even more bioavailable but if you’re like me and allergic to coconut and palm kernel, the sources of MCT, you can’t use MCT. Curcumin BCM-95 is excellent all by itself.

BCM-95 or as its now been renamed, Curcugreen ® “…is all-natural, from simple ingredients, and holds 13 international patents. It has been extensively researched in 33 clinical studies by universities throughout the US, Japan, Australia, and India, backing its efficacy for multiple health indications” and "BCM-95 is one of only a few supplements in the nutraceutical industry to receive an FDA 'No Questions' response letter, after previously undergoing safety and quality evaluations." (Cision) The Arthritis Foundation recognizes turmeric, pointing out that curcumin BCM-95 is known and recognized for treating RA and osteoarthritis (OA), as well as bursitis. It even gives recommended dosages. Studies show it is more effective than using NSAIDS and that it blocks “inflammatory cytokines and enzymes, including cyclooxygenase-2 (COX-2), the target of celecoxib (Celebrex).” (Arthritis.Org)

I told my doctor that I was going to start taking Curcumin BCM-95. He first asked me, with a low voice and concern, did I think that I had arthritis? I said, “ah yeah doc, that’s why I’m trying to find a better way, because I know I have it.” I explained to him what it was and he knew of the spice but wasn’t sure that my level of RA would be treated with the formulation alone, (remember, he just gave me Humira, heavy stuff) so I made ‘lady/gentlemen’s’ agreement with him, I asked him to give me 3 months and let me see what it does to my inflammation numbers and if the numbers stay the same or go up, I will go back on standard RA meds, if they go down, he needs to let me continue to see how low we can go with curcumin. He agreed. 90 days later, I went from 11.0 mg/L (high inflammation and that was with standard meds) to 6.0 mg/L. We did another 90 days. I dropped from 6.0 mg/L to 4.0 mg/L. He then said, he’ll see me in 6 months, this was progress. In six months, I was 1.5 mg/L. I was now less than the healthy, non-inflamed person. I have maintained below the 3.0 mg/L for two years now. A year and half ago, he looked at me and said, “I wish all of my patients did the work you do to help yourself with alternative methods.” I see him every six months now because, I am not symptomatic of RA. Now I do have the occasional flare up, but I can attribute it to something I ate or a physical position, I was in too long. I don’t just have random flareups like I used too. Curcumin also makes it so that I don’t need pain meds. This has helped my stomach out a lot. I see my GP every six months as well, but I time his appointments so that I am still getting bloodwork done every 90 days. My GP has RA and he uses biologics. He asked me what I was using, and I told him I wasn’t being treated for RA that I was using curcumin instead. He responded with, “That is treatment, I thought you weren’t being treated.” I said, “I didn’t think docs were recognizing curcumin like that.” And he said they were. My over the counter supplement is considered treatment. A win for the natural alternatives.

You’re at my site because you are looking for alternatives to treating your RA; curcumin is it. You can find BCM-95 or Curcugreen at any supplement store or online. Many people with RA use many versions of curcumin, but the only one recognized by the Arthritis Foundation and the only version that is backed by studies for RA, is the BCM-95/Curcugreen formulation. Give it a try and let me know what you think. Write below in our comments section to let us know if it worked for you or not. We look forward to hearing from you.

Check me out at my website for more info on Alternative Methods for Rheumatoid Arthritis:

https://sites.google.com/a/oswego.edu/rheumtogrow/home

*Don’t go off your meds and always speak to your doctor before trying anything new. I am not giving you medical advice, and I am not a doctor.

Resources:

Arjuna Natural Extracts Ltd. (2018, June 26). Arjuna Natural BCM-95® Curcumin Confirmed by FDA. Retrieved from https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/arjuna-natural-bcm-95-curcumin-confirmed-by-fda-638268643.html.

Benefits and Risks of Arthritis Medicines. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/treatments/plan/arthritis-drugs-benefits-risks.php.

Caterton, N. (2018, June 12). Rheumatoid Arthritis: What CRP Levels Say About You. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/rheumatoid-arthritis-crp-levels.

Gold Treatment. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://orthop.washington.edu/patient-care/articles/arthritis/gold-treatment.html.

Hewlings, S. J., & Kalman, D. S. (2017, October 22). Curcumin: A Review of Its' Effects on Human Health. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5664031/.

Kandola, A. (2018, October 24). Rheumatoid arthritis and CRP levels: What is normal? Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323450.php.

Ratini, M. (2019, March 20). What Is Ayurveda? Treatments, Massage, Diet, and More. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/ayurvedic-treatments#1.

Rheumatoid arthritis. (2019, March 1). Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rheumatoid-arthritis/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20353653.

Tidy, C. (2018, July 18). Inflammation Blood Tests: ESR, CRP and PV Values. Retrieved from https://patient.info/treatment-medication/blood-tests/blood-tests-to-detect-inflammation.

turmeric. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/treatments/natural/supplements-herbs/guide/turmeric.php.

turmeric and Rheumatoid Arthritis Symptoms. (2015, February 2). Retrieved from https://nccih.nih.gov/research/results/spotlight/030106.htm.

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bleachedjam · 5 years ago

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Rambling on sexuality. Apparently you can't do a cut on mobile? Sorry then. Pretend there is one here and scroll past this.

I've always tried to find a label that fit me. I had never felt liked I liked anyone in the traditional sense. Girls and boys were on an even playing field for me. No one set me a flutter. There was no lust at first sight. But the way my peers discussed it made me feel...odd. Displaced? Like I was missing a joke everyone else got. So I faked it.

In elementary school, 5th grade, all the other girls picked a celebrity boy they had a crush on. I remember being confused how they decided. So I picked Aaron Carter, I think because I liked his song, "I want Candy". I mimicked what they said about their crushes, "he's so hot!" Another girl also liked Aaron Carter, but as I was a bit of an outcast we never discussed it. (His picture was on her binder.)

In middle school I tried to take up drawing. I had a sketch book I filled with drawings of both men and women. I gave the women large breasts and revealing shirts. My mother looked through my sketch book, and one night I heard her telling her friend, "all the breasts are so large, what if shes a lesbian?". And I considered it. What if I was? I had no idea. I felt the same way about men and women still. My friends were branching out and dating and talking about crushes on boys in school. I picked a boy I was friends with and pretended to like him. I even faked a journal entry and left it out so a friend would see.

In Jr. High I briefly dated a boy who was friends with a boy my friend was dating. He was crass and kind of a jerk. Someone asked me why I was dating him, because he, "looked and dressed weird". I tried to figure out which features were desirable, but all the guys my friends liked were so varied.

High school hit me hard. Something was wrong with me I was sure. I decided to just date whoever liked me. Less choices on my part. In October we held a Octoberfest carnival thing. My anime club, yes I was in anime club, had a booth were we sold churros. I met a guy a year older than me who ended up liking me. So I "liked" him. We dated until February. He rarely showered and never brushed his teeth. I always felt gross when we hung out. In February a friend admitted to liking me. I broke up with the other guy for obvious reasons and accepted when the new one asked me out.

Things seemed fine at the start but this guy would go on to mentally and verbally abuse me for 5 more years and torment me for a year after that. I confided in him how I never liked anyone and never had crushes the same way others did. This was the first of many things he would use against me. He convinced me to have sex with him, because once I did I'd like him and be attracted to him. And when that didn't work, well I'd already done it, so I had to keep doing it. Then when I doubted things and didn't like being with him, he'd play on my various insecurities. "You'll never really like someone, it will always be fake. Might as well stay with me." "No one will like you if you can't feel the same way back, your lucky to have me." "I'm the only guy you can ever get." And beyond that to, "No one else would want a depressed sack of fat like you. I'm doing you a favor." "There's so much wrong with you, how can you ever expect to do better?" "Your so ugly and fat I can't believe I stoop to your level." And worse and worse yet. It was a slow descent over almost 2 years, but when he had me where he wanted me, he started to cheat on me. I couldn't leave, I wanted to die. The years with him were the worst of my life. And I trace it all back to not understanding how to tell if I wanted to be with someone.

We graduated and he moved into my house. The abuse only got worse. I developed fibromyalgia and other chronic illness, believed to be from "trauma". His abuse escalated after that. I couldn't escape him. And why would I want to? No one would ever take a broken piece of shit like me. He was doing me a favor.

He ended up leaving me. I never had the strength to leave him. He left me for, in his words, "a healthy girl with no problems". For the next year or so he'd get drunk and contact me. Eventually I stopped all communication. I ended up getting a tattoo he had forbade me from getting. It was freeing.

I tried the online dating scene for awhile. I desperately didn't want to be alone. But I couldn't connect with anyone. People would send me messages and I'd see pictures but I never met up with anyone. No one ever stood out. I didn't know what or how to pick someone.

My sister had a friend from Canada she played games with online. I played with them a few times and he invited his work friend to play to. I won't say we hit it off. My sister and her friend logged off and then me and the other guy were left alone. We talked, he seemed nice. After a few months the two of them got invited down to our house for a gaming convention in the area. The friend and I had grown close and he decided he liked me. I knew this time, I did not like him.

But as it goes, that didn't matter. He came down, stayed at our house and asked me out. I said no. He pushed and guilt tripped me until I said yes. He stayed a week. Everything was a guilt trip. He bought me something so I owed him. He came all this way, so I owed him. I said yes, so I owed him. When he went back home I broke up with him. He staged and gave me a play by play of a suicide attempt. His tactics relied on guilt. I wasn't used to that, so it was hard for me to let go. I didn't want to hurt anyone. Eventually I finally got away from him.

During that time my other sister asked if she could invite a guy she worked with to play league of legends with us, as he was very good and we wanted to win an event or achievement or something. He played with us and we did it.

Him and I talked. I told him about the guy from Canada. The suicide attempt. Most recently he had gotten the bill from the ambulance I sent to his house and said I needed to pay it since it was my fault. I refused and tried to quit talking to him. The new guy and I got close. He was someone I would call my best friend. When the Canada guy started more drama, he asked if we could hang out in real life, because up until then we had only talked online.

We did. I went to his house. We got teriyaki and played Mario cart. Something about this guy was different. He was a best friend but something else. Like our hearts were talking. We connected on a different level, something I had never felt with another person before. On the way home I made a stupid joke about not believing he never had a girlfriend. He asked if I wanted to be his. I said yes.

I gave him a hug goodbye. I kissed him on the cheek. He tried to kiss me on the cheek too but I moved and he missed and we had our first kiss. Everything was right in ways I never felt before.

Today we're set to be married, living together and have an amazing daughter. I couldn't imagine life with anyone else. I can confidently say, he is the first person I've actually liked. Romantically for sure. Sexually? I still don't know how that works.

I throughly enjoy sex with him. I desire the intimacy and connection and obviously it feels good. But honestly, what the hell is sexually attraction? Because I enjoy it does that mean I'm attracted? I don't know. I've never looked at anyone and gotten any...sexual feelings from looking at them.

I enjoy drawn porn and porn comics from an aesthetic point. The art is beautiful. The human body is wonderful. But it doesn't do anything for me. I like the art, the shapes, the aesthetic of porn. But it doesn't make me feel anything or make me want to do anything.

To masturbate or have sex I have to focus on the sensations alone, or how my partner feels. I've never found porn that works for me. I don't get horny from visuals at all. Half the time I forget he does. I'll be changing and he makes a move and I'll just be confused as to what got him in the mood. I feel a disconnect between it all.

There was a while where I called myself asexual. Seemed close. But the more I tried to fit in with the community the more I felt odd. Not outcast, because the asexual community is amazing, but more like I was fitting an oval peg into a circle hole. Close, but not quite.

When I consider it, men and women are almost equal to me. I think I may be more drawn to women at least visually. If I hadn't met my fiance I would have loved to date a woman. I enjoy the female form more from a aesthetic stand point.

So lately I've been wondering if maybe I was pansexual. A friend of mine is pan and she posted a quote about being attracted to the person, not the body. It felt more right and more like me than anything I had seen from the asexual community. But at the same time, my sample size of people I've liked it only at one. So I have no idea.

I also wonder, does it matter? I'm going to be with the person I am with forever now. I don't need to find anyone else, so it doesn't matter which gender preference I have or don't have.

I guess with Pride month I've been thinking about it a lot. There is a lot of talk of, "fly your flag high and have pride!" But what if you don't have a flag?

I feel queer. That's about as far as I've gotten. I don't know if I'll ever find something past that or not. Right now queer feels fine, just unsure. I guess I'm somewhere between sexuality is fluid and still figuring myself out. Who even knows what attraction is.

So happy Pride month everyone.

#queer #LGBT+#lgbt pride #pride #asexual #pansexual #unsure #musings #rambling #blogging #life

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allenmendezsr · 4 years ago

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Proven MS Treatment By Dr Gary Levin M.d

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/proven-ms-treatment-by-dr-gary-levin-m-d/

Proven MS Treatment By Dr Gary Levin M.d

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Multiple sclerosis is one of the most debilitating and discouraging conditions anyone can have. Waking up day after day knowing you are stricken with MS that gradually drags you, a healthy young person, towards chronic illness and maybe a shorter life. Suddenly you no longer expect to enjoy many of life’s greatest experiences.

You probably remember that day, the day you first heard your doctor speak the words “Multiple Sclerosis.” You may have felt sadness, desperation, even panic knowing full well your life would never be the same again. That time can be almost as difficult for your family and close friends as it is for you.

You are unable to enjoy your favorite things knowing the next attack is just a matter of time. Sometimes the attack’s “remission” leaves you with residual, usually permanent, and scary symptoms. You suffer month after month and find you are losing hope of ever getting better.

That’s a very sad place for anyone to be. I know. I’ve been seeing patients for over 40 years.

My name is Dr. Gary M. Levin and I’m a retired M.D. and Surgeon in the U.S. For more than forty years, I took great pride in running my own clinic, as well as teaching and supervising resident doctors at a facility at Loma Linda Univ School of Medicine. I completely understand how incredibly scary, painful and discouraging multiple sclerosis symptoms are for millions of people just like you.

I have felt the pain of so many patients and their families. It is like your body is fighting an all-out war with a dangerous intruder that doesn’t exist. Your doctor may be putting on a brave face, but the truth is many physicians are just as frustrated as you are. They try every known cure, treatment and medically accepted idea — yet NOTHING works because the real symptoms of MS are not treated!

How come a respected M.D. & surgeon dares to talk about a “Natural Treatment”?

In 1998, I had a heart ailment which required surgical intervention. While recovering in cardiac rehabilitation, I had the unexpected opportunity to work with a colleague who practiced allopathic and alternative medicine. I was very impressed with what I found.

Having been trained in the sciences, I decided to dive deep into this approach, serve a two-year preceptorship and test natural remedies and alternative treatments for diseases.

It was here that I discovered powerful breakthroughs that would have profound impacts for Multiple Sclerosis patients. Here was the highly effective KEY to slowing deterioration, preventing attacks, and promoting regeneration.

The access that the public has to study archives and the ability to learn, understand and draw conclusions out of them is VERY limited (mainly because of the medical talk) not to mention getting updated with new ones and to know how to distinguish them. I can tell you there’s a lot of misinformation out there, which is the reason I use and teach ONLY TESTED and PROVEN methods based on serious, long term CLINICAL studies that I was able to verify myself. I wouldn’t risk doing anything else.

The patients I worked with in my clinic were real people, not experiments. Moreover, I was responsible for teaching and supervising the resident doctors at a facility at Loma Linda Univ School of Medicine, so naturally it was essential for all my claims to have rock-solid proof to back them up.

The Symptom Elimination process is carried out through a simple step-by-step method that rehabilitates your immune system and boosts your supporting body systems to rid it of all symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis PLUS re-energizes and purifies your body for maximum health.

To make a long story short – I have a scientifically proven method for TOTALLY reversing MS!

It is all natural which means it cannot be registered as a patent thus it cannot be marketed using the regular channels (drug industry-pharmacies etc.).

So, I am giving you the result of my own research, trial and error in one handy place with step-by-step instructions to help you reverse your MS.

Don’t believe it can be true?

Watch this TED Talk from Dr. Terry Wahls, a doctor and an ex-MS sufferer who was in a wheelchair when she started implementing some food-related strategies and now she has fully recovered.

What are the results of my method?

Patient after patient left their years of Multiple Sclerosis symptoms behind, saying they are completely symptom-free. Others show a dramatic improvement. Even more exciting, to see how they are getting their old lives back. These FORMER Multiple Sclerosis patients have bright smiles, upbeat energy and even brighter futures — this time without having to worry and stress about the scary symptoms reoccurring because they followed the instructions I gave them. You will see my patients’ Video Stories all over this page. They ARE actors because I understand people’s feelings and feel uncomfortable asking them to reveal their details in public. but what they say is coming from what REAL people are saying. These people from all over and from many different backgrounds tell — in their own words — exactly how my Treatment System eliminated the symptoms of their Multiple Sclerosis. Rather than resigning themselves to a shortened life of misery and pain, and little to look forward to, my patients now feel younger, have more energy and suddenly feel confident in setting exciting and ambitious goals for a long life.

Please keep in mind I will NEVER promote a fly-by-night miracle cure. I am a medical doctor with a lifetime of work in a traditional medical practice. I am not about to hang my reputation on magic pills or whatever else you see promoted on the internet these days.

Download YOUR copy of the Multiple Sclerosis Step-By-Step Treatment System TODAY. This will include a Quick Start Guide PLUS an audio version of the Treatment System for JUST $47.99

Click Here for a limited time only $99.97 $47.99 My 100% No-Risk Guarantee to YOU: I realize you just met me and you may be a little hesitant to order. I don’t want anyone to continue suffering because they don’t feel comfortable ordering and that is why we chose Clickbank.com for handling the payments.

Buying online securely: They provide the highest level of online payment encryption and security and they are the #1 payment processor for downloadable products worldwide. In addition, Clickbank’s order form is secured, and constantly monitored, by McAfee & VeriSign. Payment can be done using PayPal or credit card. The order form is compatible with all mobile systems.

100% iron-clad, 2 month, No questions asked refund guarantee: Clickbank also takes the matter of customer refunds totally out of our hands. We don’t even get the money before the refund period ends. This means that for ANY reason, you can go directly to Clickbank.com to get a full refund. You won’t even need to contact us.

You literally have no risk. Let’s see a pharmacy or doctor top that! So please give my proven method a try. You’ll feel better for it. Yes, I want to finally get rid of my multiple sclerosis. Let me in! Click Here, for limited time only $99.97 $47.99

So, What REALLY Causes Multiple Sclerosis?

When a human baby develops, fatty myelin sheaths build around nerves of the brain and spinal cord. This development is what allows a one year-old to start to walk. As these myelin sheaths grow, a child gains greater mobility, muscular control and mental activity.

Multiple Sclerosis is the deterioration of the myelin sheaths. This happens when the immune system thinks the myelin sheaths are a foreign intruder that must be destroyed. As a result, electrical impulses are slowed or stopped as they travel through the body’s nervous system. The MS patient loses muscular control, loses feeling in nerves and can even suffer cognitive changes. This results in a lot of different symptoms such as constantly feeling aches and pain, numbness, feeling tired and wiped out all the time, double vision, muscle weakness in arms and legs, vertigo, muscle spasms, burning sensation in feet, etc.

Well, this may sound unusual, but if you think about it again you will come to the same conclusion as I did: “Multiple Sclerosis is just another symptom of the REAL disease you have”

So what is the real disease you suffer from?

Well, the simple answer is that you have an overactive immune system disease. Your immune system “freaks out” when it meets your myelin sheaths and attacks them. The fact that you are diagnosed with MS is just because of the fact that your immune system “freaks out” in a way that creates the MS symptoms. But you’re NOT having a “MS” disease. You are having an overactive or blinded immune system disease!

What does this mean? This means you should be dealing with the REAL problem: Your “overactive immune system” is the problem we need to deal with. Taking drugs to kill the symptoms may temporarily help but they are NOT the real solution.

I used to give my patients Copaxone (glatiramer acetate), interferon beta-1a/1b injections, courses of steroids and more but they offered no REAL help. They may have eased the symptoms for a while but this is not the real solution and nobody claims it is.

The sad truth is that the strong toxic effect of all these drugs gradually poisons the whole body, which at the end of the day, only makes Multiple Sclerosis attacks and permanent damage worse!

So , how can we heal an overactive immune system?

In my step-by-step Treatment System, you’ll learn how my Directed Nutrition™ method plus a special vitamin regimen will significantly reduce your symptoms and eventually completely rid you of your current condition.

It shouldn’t be any surprise to people that directed nutrition and simple plants and vitamins can be the basis for powerful cures. Contrary to popular belief, even prescription drugs aren’t wholly manufactured from synthetics.

A lot of regular medications are based on medical herbs and combinations of extracted foods we eat everyday (I know of more then a 100) like the diuretic medications “Theobromine” & “Theophylline” that are made from cacao or the capillary fragility medications “Hesperidin” & “Rutin” that are made from a combination of citrus species and the famous medication “Codeine” (for general pain, cough and diarrhea relief) that is made from papaver and the list goes on and on… so there is no real reason that using my method will not do a great job healing you from your MS.

I followed this basic principle of pharmacology to find life-giving plants and herbs that could be the basis for reversing Multiple Sclerosis. This would not only give patients comfort and new hope, but give their bodies a way to build strength and coordination and promote a far stronger immune system.

How long will it take to get back to a normal life again?

It depends. The treatment protocol is built on layers of strategies for creating the healing process in your body. Each layer is aimed at one angle of the disease and since not everyone’s body is made the same and MS is a disease caused by several factors, some people respond quickly to the first strategies and some to the later ones. Therefore, it may take a few short weeks to several months to see major improvement.

What type of Multiple Sclerosis do you have?

MY method treats ALL types including: “Benign” MS, clinically isolated syndrome (CIS), galloping MS, Schilder’s Disease and Neuromyelitis optica (Devic’s Syndrome).

Can I promise this method will cure your Multiple Sclerosis 100%?

Of course not. Nothing in life is 100% guaranteed. I KNOW my findings will help a lot of Multiple Sclerosis sufferers but I still cannot claim a 100% success rate. Why? In spite of the fact that natural medicine has a huge success rate as a whole and can solve problems that some conventional medicine cannot, it is not an exact science by medical definition.

Natural and alternative medicine works on the WHOLE body. It deals with “system healing” — not specific disease healing, which is why you can never find one exact formula fit to heal each and every person.

You have to understand that every human being has a different body, different blood type, different blood flow and different metabolism. Because each and every one of us eats different foods, we have different rates of digestion. Even our souls and spirits are different. All these variables influence the way the systems in our body work so the way we react to alternative methods cannot be predicted with the same accuracy as with conventional medicine. This is why alternative methods cannot be proven and tested at the same EXACT level as conventional treatments are tested.

This is true for each and EVERY alternative treatment on earth.

BUT…

When you find an alternative method that actually helps you, it will work better than any other conventional treatment.

Why?

You have to understand that we are not made of a combination of separate chemical “dots.” We are made out of a variety of different organic living systems that work in a marvelous synergy and that’s exactly what my methods are aimed at. We heal systems and don’t just try to silence symptoms by taking drugs to make chemical changes in the specific “dots” that trigger the symptoms. Since they deal with systems, side effects can occur when you change something in a complex system.

If someone led you to believe that side effects are “just side effects,” please note that they KILL more than 106,000 people in the US alone every year. Not to mention the 2 million that get sick enough to be forced to go to the hospital every year (RE1, RE2) (9% have been seriously harmed plus 54% need intervention (RE3)in the US alone every year.) Then there are all the people who just feel bad as a result of taking drugs but whose new symptoms are never identified or recorded.

Let’s look at the figures another way.

What is more likely – that you would die in a traffic accident or as the result of a visit to your doctor?

This would be funny if it wasn’t true. The correct answer is visiting your doctor! Traffic accidents cause 43,354 deaths every year in the US (RE4) as opposed to 106,000 that die from ADRs (adverse drug reaction) every year. (RE1, RE2)

Hard to believe? That’s right, I myself can’t comprehend it but numbers don’t lie. Today ADRs are the third leading cause of death!

The danger of passive smoking or illegal drugs is frequently aired in heath campaigns and outraged newspaper editorials, but ADRs – which exact a far greater toll of misery – very rarely trigger the same level of indignation.

If you were to ask most doctors about ADRs, they would give you one of the answers I used to give: The risks of any one person having a problem is pretty small or if a medication doesn’t have any side effect, it’s almost certainly not effective. Some would even say that thanks to a system of proper scientific trials and regulations, modern medicine by and large successfully balances the risks of drugs against undoubted benefits they offer.

since I (and all my colleagues) were trained by the pharmaceutical model, I truly believed in it, despite the fact I just felt that most of my skills come from juggling a range of drugs for a particular problem so the patients suffer the fewest side effects, or knowing which drugs best alleviate the ADRs caused by the first drug…

With that approach, no wonder some of us, as doctors, feel as frustrated as our patients.

Just watch commercials on TV for mainstream drugs and you’ll see long, terrifying disclaimers about side effects. There is hardly a drug out there that doesn’t lead to shortness of breath, difficulty swallowing and sometimes death… and that’s just scraping the surface.

The beauty of ALL NATURAL treatments is that there are NO Side Effects. You won’t see a side effect disclaimer associated with my MS treatment because it WILL NOT make anyone sick. All Natural means you save money on costly prescription drugs and you avoid harsh side effects, all while receiving improved benefits fighting MS.

Remember this; alternative methods listen to your body and help heal itself from inside. They don’t have side effects because they deal with system healing and they use the original materials the body is built from.

With that said, I can say with confidence that you can have a future WITHOUT Multiple Sclerosis. A MS-free life is not an impossible dream. It can happen. My patients are living proof and so are the thousands of people who bought my ebook and successfully used this method!

If you have already met a neurologist (the specialist who typically monitors MS), you should know that they routinely prescribe some very toxic and dangerous medications to MS patients.

These drugs include:

Prednisone, a steroid hormone that can significantly weaken your immune system and can cause diseases such as osteoporosis and cataracts.

Interferon. The “deceptive” drug because, even though it’s a natural substance, it’s typically given in a dose that shuts down your body’s natural feedback loop. As a result, it tends to do more harm than good.

Fortunately, there are many alternatives to these toxic treatment methods offered by conventional medicine.

Too good to be true? That’s what a few people who have visited my site have told me. I realize that it sounds a lot like the “get your body in sync with the universe” cures that are all over the Net. But before we throw the baby out with the bath water, please realize that there is a grain of truth here. Many chronic conditions can be cured or greatly improved with correct nutrition (which can VARY tremendously from one person to the next.)

As I said a lot of regular medications are based on medical herbs and combinations of extracted foods we eat everyday (I know of more then a 100) like the diuretic medications “Theobromine” & “Theophylline” that are made from cacao or the capillary fragility medications “Hesperidin” & “Rutin” that are made from a combination of citrus species and the famous medication “Codeine” (for general pain, cough and diarrhea relief) that is made from papaver and the list goes on and on… so there is no real reason that using my method will not do a great job healing you from your MS.

It’s not as simple as adding carrots and berries to your diet. I use a step-by-step Treatment System that is based on a deep knowledge of the human body, my years of experience & the thousands of clinical studies I have reviewed. Although I’ve retired and closed my clinic, my method for treating and eliminating the symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis will go on just as strong as ever. I no longer meet with patients personally, but I am determined to continue to enable Multiple Sclerosis patients all over the world to play a successful, proactive role in their own MS treatment and symptom elimination by guiding them in the proper implementation of the practices that have proven successful time and time again for so many patients.

So I’ve written down my complete Method for eliminating the Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis in an EASY TO UNDERSTAND E-Book. You will never need to buy anything else from me to make this method work. You can download it and be reading within seconds.

There is no medical speak in my e-book. I keep it simple and easy-to-grasp just like I’m talking with one of my patients. You will learn how to pull your body’s chemical processes in line with a simple vitamin regimen and a nutrition method I found that works better than all the multiple sclerosis medicines combined. It’s available everywhere.

No more worrying about taking pills and/or injections on a daily basis or using other costly chemicals to take your MS away.

Download YOUR copy of the Multiple Sclerosis Step-By-Step Treatment System TODAY. This will include a Quick Start Guide PLUS an audio version of the Treatment System for JUST $47.99

Download your copy NOW and let me help YOU on your way to recovery. You owe it to your family and your future. But mostly you owe a MS-FREE life to yourself. You deserve it.

Hey, you don’t have to listen to me. Just read and watch the testimonials for yourself. As I said above, since I don’t feel comfortable asking people to reveal their details in public, I used actors. What they say is coming from what REAL people are saying.

Download YOUR copy of the Multiple Sclerosis Step-By-Step Treatment System TODAY. This will include a Quick Start Guide PLUS an audio version of the Treatment System for JUST $47.99

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Click Here, for limited time only $99.97 $47.99 My 100% No-Risk Guarantee to YOU: I realize you just met me and you may be a little hesitant to order. I don’t want anyone to continue suffering because they don’t feel comfortable ordering and that is why we chose Clickbank.com for handling the payments.

Extra bonuses!

Bonus 1

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Everything you need to know about guided relaxation is included in this special ebook ($27.99 value.):

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You’ll also receive an audio recording of the entire guide. Because you’re busy, I know you might not have time to sit down and read this guide all at once. To make it easier on you, you can now listen to this recording in your car, on the way to work or on your iPod to take wherever you go.

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Download your copy NOW and let me help YOU on your way to recovery. You owe it to your family and your future. But mostly you owe a Multiple Sclerosis-FREE life to yourself. You deserve it. Yes, I want to finally get rid of my multiple sclerosis. Let me in! Click Here, for limited time only $99.97 $47.99

Yours,

Dr. Gary M Levin M.D.

10686-B Hazelhurst Dr. # 7693 Houston, TX 77043 USA Phone number: 1-713-866-4099

P.S.

Just a reminder:

This method is fully natural, simple and risk free. Anyone can use it.

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Your purchase is fully protected for 60 days by both Clickbank and myself.

Yes, I want to finally get rid of my multiple sclerosis condition. Let me in!

0 notes

anxietysroomsupport · 4 years ago

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i found out pushing doesn't work. that's what my sister does when she thinks something's wrong, she pushes that she wants to go to the doctor. eventually our parents give in. i think i mentioned it because i sent an ask here recently, but my joints have been giving me grief lately. several months ago my knees kept feeling like my bones were grinding when i put weight on them for a few days. more recently, in january i think, after spending an hour or two outside, my hips did the (1/?)

(2/?) the same, that night and for the next few days. sometimes it was fine, usually better mid morning, but other times i couldn't put wait on them. it felt like they were grinding, or going to give up on me. it's been happening longer where i feel like if i move the wrong way, something will pop out. i try to sit up and swing my legs and my hips yell at me with slight pain, so even though they would probably just pop, i wait till it stops, just in case. because i don't want to see (2/?)

(3/?) what would happen if they didn't. but recently, a week or two after i started these new exercises (my mom thinks it's related to that, which it may be slightly, but i don't think so completely), modified push ups so i could get better core strength and stuff, my joints have started popping. started feeling like they'll go out more often. and i mean popping loudly. i kneeled earlier in the process of sitting up, and my sister, who was talking and a few feet away, asked me if i (3/?)

(4/?) okay. it only hurt a little, it's more just the sensation of the popping, tiny pain. but my right knee sort of buzzed, like my elbow did yesterday. except yesterday, my elbow hurt. it felt, just from a random movement, like it actually popped out for a moment, or tried to, and my elbows are usually fine. if it's the exercises, i don't want to just give up my hopes. i want to be able to one day walk on my hands. i know i'd never get back into it after this, even if it's not the (4/?)

(5/?) problem. anyways, sorry, there's a lot to say, i'll try to hurry this up. recently after reading something they flared, when it started happening nearly every time i move, then went down a little, and have stayed that way for about a week. the exercises have been making me feel a little stronger, and i just don't think they're doing this. but, i kept mentioning it. my pain. asking if people could hear it. only my sister cares to listen. she always cares. always listens. (5/?)

(6/?) mental or physical health she's there for me. she keeps saying that i really should go to the doctor, so i keep asking. i mentioned the knee thing to my mom. she said she kept researching but couldn't find anything narrow enough to be diagnosable. that i should just wear the shoes that i can't stand, stop the exercises, start up again with walking when my body calms down, as if it will. i can't stop now. but i don't think she'll take me. i think i have to wait till something bad (6/?)

(7/?) especially after the thing i read, i don't want to wait. i don't want to ignore the signs. if i could save myself so much pain, why can't i try? just two or three days ago i was getting into school when my hip started to hurt. the hallways are one way, so i have to walk around nearly the entire school to get to my class, and i only had a few minutes to get there. i just told myself to keep walking. ignore the fact that i could barely put weight on my right leg. i had to get to (7/8)

(8/?) class. but pushing doesn't work. i pushed to go to the doctor. i got in an argument. i had stuff to do and i was starting to cry, so i just said i wouldn't bring it up anymore. i'd stop. my sister's an adult. i just realized i can ask her to take me. if another bad thing happens, i will. if they flare up again, i will tell my parents that i need to go to the doctor. if they won't, i'll ask my sister. i don't want to. i know my mom tries. she said normally she would, but covid. (8/?)

(9/?) but i have to go. maybe it's nothing, or maybe i will have to stop doing the exercises, and break my heart a little bit more as i give up on another goal. but i have to. i have to. i can't cripple myself for life because i wouldn't go. i have no idea what could happen to me one day or some day soon even if i don't. maybe i'm just overreacting and i'm fine and it's growing pains but i haven't grown in 1 1/2 years and it hurts. and i'm so so tired. been reading, sorry it's like prose (9/9).

I sent an ask about my joints recently? Yeah, well, this. yesterday I was hesitantly diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome, pretty wide across my body but mainly in my lower body. basically the doctor said, that since it's the best guess, I need to go to Physical Therapy and try to strengthen my tendons and joints. so obviously I'm so glad to have a solution, maybe not be in so much pain anymore, but at the same time, I like being a little bendy. I'm not stretchy, not good at gymnastics (1/2)

(2/2) or whatever, but I do like feeling a little different. so I guess it's just like, what if PT makes it so I'm not bendy anymore? is it like those metaphors where you break a stick, then put a bunch together and can't break it? or am I folding the stick in half, forsaking mobility for strength? and I don't think that a diagnosis for an actual chronic illness has hit me yet, I know I'll be more nervous when my first PT comes in 3 days, but I still feel normal.

Hypermobile anon here, I believe I said I wished it was something a little more for some reason? Yeah, well, good news, I don't anymore. My pain is like, I'm in so much pain, but not actually that much, and I know that I both am and aren't, and it doesn't actually feel like that much, but it is? My point is, tonight's been really bad and I'm starting to think it's good the friend I tend to go outside on walks and stuff with was busy. Also, my mom, in complimenting my drive, (1/2)

(2/2) said that while my sibling was told to do physical therapy to keep their hand working and didn't do it as much as they should, I was doing physical therapy regularly and faithfully to stop my joints from aching. I know my family, mostly my parents, has lots of issues and then just powers through, but you'd think that my mom, who has a bunch going on (allergies, diabetes, random undiagnosable stuff), would understand chronic illness. To her, my joints ache. Sorry, it's not actually too bad.

Hi Anon,

First thing, so so sorry for the delay on this one. And it’s great that you have continued writing in with updates!

Thank goodness you did keep pushing and get your diagnosis (even if it may be a hesitant one)! You really could have ended up struggling for a long time. Arthritis would have been another guess if your doctor hadn’t come to Hypermobility Syndrome.

Hopefully your doctor is treating this seriously, but remember that if any doctor is trying to ignore your concerns, you can very clearly say to them, “If you’re not going to do tests I want it noted in my chart.”

From the advice of a lot of chronically ill folks, it is also strongly recommended to get your vitamin levels checked, especially b12, iron, and vitamin d. These can actually cause joint symptoms if they’re low enough and lots of things can affect your absorption of them.

It is definitely still possible to build muscle and continue to be flexible. It takes quite a lot of bulk to start limiting your range of movement, and physical therapy will probably be gradual enough that you can assess your flexibility as you go.

As far as feeling “normal”, having chronic illness actually is really common! In 2012, the National Health Council stated that roughly 133 million people in the U.S. were dealing with some kind of chronic condition.

It is awful that you’re in so much pain. Your doctor should also be helping you manage that, since strengthening your muscles isn’t going to be an immediate solution. That takes time, but you’re in a lot of pain right now. Anti-inflammatory painkillers can help with joint pain, and heat treatments like warm baths, hot water bottles, and heat-rub creams can be useful too. Beyond that, you might need prescription treatments.

Your mom is probably just trying to encourage you, but it’s small comfort compared to the level of pain you’re dealing with. People will often deal with chronic illness in different ways, especially different generations. It might help to find groups online that are dealing with similar issues, or chronic conditions in general. Places like reddit, facebook, etc will have groups or subreddits dedicated to creating a community, so you can share your experiences and find other people dealing with the same issues. You might ask your physical therapist if there are any in-person or online support groups locally.

You’ll have to find a way to manage your chronic illness, your way. If your mom doesn’t understand it, don’t worry about her. You got this. And your sister’s got your back.

-Kai, bun

#chronic illness #pain #diagnosis #doctors #family #sister #parents #mom #joint pain #hypermobility syndrome #treatment #physical therapy #medicine #long post

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allwoodjacee95 · 4 years ago

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borrow from life insurance to pay off debt

borrow from life insurance to pay off debt, pay for student loans, and to buy a home. There are more advantages to paying the first premium first than buying insurance later. If you have to pay one final amount, your insurance company will take the balance and pay you. One of the most important steps you can take is to not try to pay your final premium later. By taking your premium on a prepaid prepaid life insurance policy early, you can reduce your chance at paying your insurance premiums later because you will get rid of the need for insurance later. One of the best ways to lower your premiums is to just keep your health and other insurance coverage active. If you get older, you may feel less at risk for any future health problems. You may have a lower likelihood of being diagnosed with a future health issue later on, but you will be more at risk with other chronic diseases. Your health and other insurance should be active at it will help you to pay for the last part of your life. <|endoftext|. borrow from life insurance to pay off debt and/or buy a house. I think life insurance can be a bad financial decision and I would take an insurance policy out on my ex as a way of refocusing financial success. As an added level I don’t have to tell you, I would rather the life insurance company to let you know that I have a policy, then that the premium it will take is well worth paying now if I am unable to maintain it and still can in the future. The only time I can confidently say that this is the best life insurance company out there isn’t if I’m not wrong. This is the first time I have ever used a different type of life insurance. Life insurance made the absolute best for my mom and my aunt and I were in debt, we had twins to cover. It’s a good decision to do a policy to cover funeral expenses and left an outstanding debt. So this is really important to me so far, I can’. borrow from life insurance to pay off debt. The best investment: Retirement annuities. In the long run, those funds can pay off debt. Income growth: Some life insurance companies invest income in a life insurance retirement account. This can be a good source of cash accumulation and a great savings environment. Largest company: Metlife. Metlife offers a large selection of products for life insurance, including term and whole life policies. Their offerings are geared towards retirees, or are designed to be used in the future. The best life insurance: Trustac insurance is the best life insurance available. It is the one way to give your children enough money for retirement. It provides low rates to cover the highest bills. Utilizing a combination of cash flow capacity and experience, Trustac has developed into a strong and stable insurance company. .

Should you buy credit life insurance?

Should you buy credit life insurance? With a few years of consistent credit in their 20s, they can buy a guaranteed acceptance life insurance policy when they are 30 without a medical exam. They’re in good health and most of the time will qualify for a guaranteed acceptance policy (though some companies have been criticized for these policies). If you would like more information on this particular policy, simply feel free to contact me or one of my agents. I am a licensed financial advisor with more than 30 years’ experience in the industry. I am also an employee of National Collegi. What’s the difference between getting a policy and getting it with a prescription. This is a very complicated question. It depends on the medication. It is the prescription medication you are most familiar with, but the company will most likely be under the guidelines of the insurance company you use. At this point, you just have to figure out which company will approve you. I am currently looking at a brand new life insurance policy online for.

The Life Insurance Policy Loan – A Cash-Value-Backed Personal Loan

The Life Insurance Policy Loan – A Cash-Value-Backed Personal Loan – A Life Cash Value Car Loan – and the Death Benefit Benefit of a Life Insurance Policy – The Coverity Coverity. If the policy owner chooses to borrow against the cash value of his or her life insurance policy, the interest paid to him or her could be transferred into the death benefit. With this in mind, it does not necessarily require you to go through the debt you would pay to the bank to purchase the policy. When you purchase a term life policy, the premiums are set in the amount of the loan against the cash value in the policy. It depends on your term length and coverage amounts. If you can afford the premiums, make sure to use the cash or investment gains as a tool to achieve your goals (that will ultimately come down to the rate you ultimately decide to take; as an example, you might take a $250,000 loan to pay for the life insurance coverage or you have a term car insurance policy that allows you to purchase a larger amount of coverage). When.

Credit life insurance and taxes

Credit life insurance and taxes are the same in the US as it is in most other countries. Some people wonder if you can buy a policy through work if you have to take a medical exam. In the US, if you plan to work on a job, you want to look to the government to ensure that all you have to pay is the standard of living you are likely currently living. This means you would not have the option to opt for a company plan, but you will still need to get your own policy or have a medical check-up within your policy to determine the benefits to you. These two points matter to consider if you are seeking life insurance against your current job. For this reason, there are plenty of life insurance options to choose from for this type of job. You will also want to take note that many of the companies listed here offer life insurance as an option at certain times which gives you the ability to choose the policies you wish, which can save you a ton of stress in the long run..

What is credit life insurance?

What is credit life insurance? Credit life insurance is one of the simplest types of life insurance available. However, there are also several types to consider when searching for coverage. Are you thinking of applying for life insurance? If so, you can rest assured that here at InsureChance, we are equipped to provide you with the best coverage for your specific needs. What is the CoverAmer $75,000 Term Life Protection plan? Well, as I am an older person, I am still looking into these kinds of insurance policies. Are you considering buying life insurance for adults? The short answer is yes. What kind of coverage are you looking for? If you are, then start the search with these two facts: I am looking for term and universal life insurance. How much is life insurance for me? It may seem complicated, but that’s the answer! So, here are some of the basic questions the type of protection that you are looking for. Your policy will determine the rates as you’re shopping.

Benefits of Borrowing Against Life Insurance

Benefits of Borrowing Against Life Insurance Loss Counsel, who will listen to you to help you to determine your best coverage options; this can help you to make the right decision to maintain your own insurance coverage while not worrying about your heirs. You can call me at (518) 253-4357 for more information about how I can save you money. Please keep in mind, even if your health improves or your car repairs and life changes means you could be on the hook and you don’t have time to spend weeks looking for it, it could become apparent that your health is better. When you do want to use my agency, if you use your life insurance and have a medical ailment from a car accident, we ll help you find an insurer at a better rate, and no two car accidents are the same. If you re wondering who has the best car insurance.

Will You Benefit from Borrowing Against Life Insurance?

Will You Benefit from Borrowing Against Life Insurance?The short answer: Yes, but it s less expensive. Keepin at those rates, your rates will go down if you get any type of life insurance, even whole life insurance. And that, in turn, will lower your life insurance costs. Also, keep adding any form of supplemental insurance to your existing policy. When your existing policy ends, you ll be able to do a single-point payment to your beneficiary to cover expenses such as living expenses, wages, and any assets that you d be using to help someone retire early. You can also convert your existing policy to an individual term life insurance product if you become terminally ill. In short, having people who are on your plan can help keep your premium prices lower, as long as you plan on getting your stay in shape after a stay in, and it won t be a huge cost of the policy. It s important to know exactly when someone without health problems, or medical issues, will be denied coverage. This is by.

Life Insurance Cash Value: A Non-Forfeiture Benefit

Life Insurance Cash Value: A Non-Forfeiture Benefit of Life Insurance, Non-Forfeiture Benefits Benefits of Life Insurance, Non-Forfeiture Benefit of Life and Other Assets, Non-Forfeiture Benefit of Life Claims / Non-Forfeiture Benefit of Life Accidents Non-Forfeiture Benefit of Life Claims/ Non-Death Benefits 3.0 NerdWallet rating NerdWallet rating ny Ranked 16th on CarInsurance.com Total premiums$1,097 Ny earned a 4.5 out of 5 stars on the NerdWallet Compare Car Insurance Comparison NerdWallet rating NerdWallet rated See more tips and information about auto insurance in your state: Preparing for home emergencies in freezing temperatures can reduce potential discomfort, save lives and reduce homeowners insurance claims. .

The Event That Got Me Thinking About Life Insurance

The Event That Got Me Thinking About Life Insurance The Event that Got Me Thinking About Life Insurance The Event That Got Me Thinking About Life Insurance A Few Words About Life Insurance Part B A few words About Life Insurance Part B A Few Words About Life Insurance Part A A Few Words About Life Insurance Part A About Living Things A Few Words About Living Things Part 1 Backwards Injuries Backwards Injuries Part 1 Backwards Injuries Part 2 Backwards Injuries Part 2 Backwards Injuries Part 3 Part 3 Part 3 Backwards Injuries Part 2 Backwards injuries Part 2 Backwards injuries Part 2 Backwards injuries Part 2 Homeowner s Injuries Part 3 Part 3 Part 3 Part 3 Part 2 Part 1 Living Things Part 2 Backwards Injuries Part 2 Part 2 Backwards injuries Part 1 Homeowner s Injuries.

Pros And Cons of Borrowing from your Whole Life Insurance To Pay Off Debt

Pros And Cons of Borrowing from your Whole Life Insurance To Pay Off Debt In this article, we will discuss the difference between whole life insurance and the term life insurance. You can read the rest of the article here: to find out if whole life insurance is a good deal. But how do you look at whole life insurance? There is one thing you should do. You can work on it, because it is very difficult to find. But you should be looking at instead of looking at your term life insurance policy. There is not a perfect life insurance policy, but it is a that does allow you to access some of your investments. This does make sense, because buying debt is the most common way to get ahead. So, in conclusion, while you may be getting a much better deal for the same coverage, there is a lot more left to learn. You can get quotes from any of the companies in the chart below. If you are interested in purchasing a whole life insurance policy, you should be .

How Much Life Insurance Coverage is Enough?

How Much Life Insurance Coverage is Enough? If you are thinking of buying , you may want to consider your options carefully . Here are some strategies that will get you a little lower life insurance premiums over time with some basic level of coverage. You will often hear how simple or expensive it may seem to take. For example, let’s say you have $10,000 in $1,000 of life insurance coverage. There are options to add $5,000 to those amounts under a basic level of coverage of $5,000. Now, you can purchase up to $1,000 of coverage. If you are shopping for insurance, it’s time to think about all the different options. Do you actually want or need an additional level of coverage for your family? There are a lot of options. It’s not uncommon for adults to be looking for higher levels of coverage. The purpose isn’t primarily for the benefits to ensure your children have the money to repay you. The goal is to.

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perspectiveartist · 7 years ago

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@opus13

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST: 1. Drink: raspberry white tea 2. Phone call: Uh...shit who was it? It was either James or Mom. 3. Text message: Abby <3 4. Song you listened to: ...”Prelude 12/21″ by AFI...I WAS BEING NOSTALGIC 5. Time you cried: Sunday when Mom shamed me into shaving my knees by saying they were gross

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I mean...I guess. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Kinda. I didn’t at the time but in retrospect, there’s people I wish I had never shown affection for. 8. Been cheated on: ...kinda ambiguous. I thought we were still dating but she claims we weren’t so idfk but as far as I’m concerned yes, that cunt cheated on me and then BRAGGED to me about it 9. Lost someone special: Too many. I’ve been to a lot of funerals. 10. Been depressed: Chronic depression over here :))) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, I don’t drink

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Blue, black, and either silver or gold. Which of those I like best depends on the context.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends:Yeah! I made some online friends, at least. I don’t think most of them consider me much of a friend, but I am happy to have them. 16. Fallen out of love: No 17. Laughed until you cried: Uhhh maybe? I don’t think I have but my memory’s shit so I could have 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I guess if anyone’s gossiped about me, they were smart enough to not let me hear about it 19. Met someone who changed you: Nah 20. Found out who your friends are: Ehhh any drama I had with friends was mostly just me taking slight to stupid shit, not anything serious that actually tested any friendships.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well yeah since James is friends with me on there 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most people tbh. I don’t really add online friends very often. 23. Do you have any pets: My cat Samoa and betta Maui here, then my two calico girls Kia and Autumn at Mom’s. 24. Do you want to change your name: I used to want to change my name to Melanie or Melissa as a kid tbh but after a while I just accepted my name. Idek what I’d change it to but it wouldn’t feel right. The closest I’ve come is having friends call me Al. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Laid on the couch sick as a fucking dog watching TV as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Yaaay happy 25th! 26. What time did you wake up: 10-ish? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to paint my fidget spinner with nail polish LOL but I fucked up and then got sad and realized I was way tired and was getting to that toddler phase of “I’m so tired that everything is upsetting me”. It wasn’t even much of a day, I think I was just hungover from a full weekend of socializing. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: uhhhhhhhhh I don’t think there’s anything particular I’m excited for. I don’t get hyped for games or movies anymore cuz I don’t have money to drop $60 on a game and movie theaters freak me out (anxiety) 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Yesterday evening when she was dropping me off in Van Wert for James and his dad to drive me back home 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Only one? My anxiety. At the very least, it would get rid of my eating issues, I could hold a job once I got my strength back, etc. I can live with the depression, but I feel like everything would be more tolerable if my anxiety didn’t stop my body from taking care of itself or working right. 31. What are you listening right now: I WAS listening to Philip DeFranco but tbh that was just white noise for me, I didn’t pay attention much to the issues he was discussing. It just ended. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, my friend’s ex. I cussed him out over the phone. Then he had his mom and sister cuss ME out lmao what a fucking coward 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Hmmm nothing at the moment. But that can easily change. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr because I always come back out of the hopes of finding something new to look at every few minutes 35. Mole/s: Yeah, some. I have one under my right boob that I’ve had since I was little, I have a birth mark on my right elbow that’s like a mole, and then I have little moles on my legs and a couple on my stomach? 36. Mark/s: Yeah, a couple scars if that’s what you mean. I have a vertical scar on uhh my right shin I think, and then I have a scar on my upper lip. 37. Childhood dream: First I wanted to own a zoo, then I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then I realized I can’t handle the nasty parts of working with animals like shit and blood and stuff. So then I just didn’t really have a dream aside from maybe making a comic. But I gave up on that. 38. Haircolor: Dark brown 39. Long or short hair: Medium 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Idk I don’t consider it a crush if you’re in a relationship with them 41. What do you like about yourself: :)))) 42. Piercings: None and no intentions of getting them 43. Bloodtype: No fucking clue. In 8th grade we tried to do an experiment to find everyone’s blood type but my fingers are small and the rooms were cold and I have bad circulation so my teacher lanced me twice before deciding I wasn’t going to get a proper drop of blood to test and he was scared of bruising me cuz I guess I seem like the type to sue. So I never learned. Idek if Mom knows. 44. Nickname: Al, Sharkie 45. Relationship status: Taken 46. Zodiac: Capricorn 47. Pronouns: She/her 48. Favorite TV Show: uhhh idk I don’t do well picking faves I guess Bob’s Burgers 49. Tattoos: None and probably will never have any. If I did, it would be a watercolor style one of a flower that reminds me of a loved one. 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: None 52. Hair dyed in different color: Nope. I want to get some blue in my hair but neither my budget nor my Mom seem thrilled about that so it will probably never happen. It’s expensive and time-consuming to safely bleach my hair. 53. Sport: Idk I played soccer in 4th grade but hated it, then I was on a bowling league for 6 years. But I ain’t played sports in 8 years. 54. (question wasn’t here) ...:D 55. Vacation: Like a dream vacation? Idk travel stresses me out too much for me to get excited about going anywhere outside my house. 56. Pair of trainers: wh...what? Like shoes?

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Fried stuff yeee 58. Drinking: Coke, bottled tea, water, uh...fuck idk 59. I’m about to: smack my head against a wall for my brain being made of cotton 62. Want: security 63. Get married: I have no idea tbh I want to be with James the rest of my life but ceremonies suck. I also have issues of commitment in the way of “Oh god what if it doesn’t work out and then it hurts that much more cuz then he’s not just an ex, he’s an ex-husband?” And if James and I did split, I highly doubt I’d get married. I don’t even have an interest in dating. 64. Career: Fuck a career, I just want an income. I have no illusions of having a job you could call a career.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Kinda weird but it seems like the women I’m interested in I prefer same height or shorter, but men I prefer taller 68. Older or younger: Same age. I don’t have an interest in anyone over a year younger than me, and I just can’t wrap my mind around dating someone older than my brother so no one more than 2 years older than me. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: idk I don’t care about either 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive indicates to me that they’re touchy and I don’t do well with that, but I don’t like loud people either so...they both suck I guess? I can’t be around sensitive people who take things too personally, but I also fucking hate loud assholes. 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, I don’t fuck people I don’t know well. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I guess hesitant since a constant troublemaker would get fucking annoying.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: No 75. Drank hard liquor: No 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: No 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: No 79. Broken someone’s heart: I wouldn’t call it breaking his heart, but I did break up with a guy and he was upset for a little while. He got over it. I’d say it was a dent if anything, we were only together a couple months. 80. Had your heart broken: Not really but I never put myself out there to get it broken either 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Well duh 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes, hard, but I got over it eventually

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: nah 85. Miracles: nah 86. Love at first sight: nah 87. Santa Claus: nah 88. Kiss on the first date: Depends on the date LMAO James and I technically kissed on our first date but I’d also known him for years and already had feelings for him. If I went out and dated some rando, no, no kiss. Kisses are commitments.

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Uhm...A tie between Abby and Katie. They’re both always there for me and have been my friends for the past like 12 years. They’re reliable and sweet and supportive and I fucking love them like sisters. 91. Eyecolor: My eyes? Brown 92. Favorite movie: Aladdin

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