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stervrucht · 4 months ago

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Proximity - Part 8

● Part 1 ● Previous ● Next ● AO3 ●

cw: sexual content

“They think I’m doing drugs.”

Steve's voice sounds soft and distorted by the electric sound of the telephone.

It’s late at night. Eddie should be sleeping already if he wants to get anywhere near the recommended hours of sleep. Tomorrow is another early morning; a day filled with heavy lifting. Only Steve can’t call unless his parents are asleep and he hasn’t been over in a few days because his dad wants him home for the nights.

Now Eddie knows why.

“Drugs?” Eddie echoes.

“My neighbor, Mrs. Sanders, saw you at the house a couple of times. Guess she told my parents about some weird dude’s nightly visits.”

Eddie tightens his grip on the phone. It bothers him—bothers him a lot—but he doesn’t want to let Steve know. It’s one of the few moments they have during the week and he won’t let the words poison him. Instead, he does his best to make his voice sound light.

“You picking a fight, Harrington?” Eddie quips. On the other side of the line, Steve chuckles and Eddie feels the tension melt away.

“Depends.”

“Depends?”

“On what I get when I inevitably win.”

Eddie is grinning into the phone. Grinning so broadly it hurts his cheeks. He thinks that maybe he kinda loves Steve. Just a little.

“You are very confident for a guy who is known to lose fights.”

On the other side, he hears Steve let out a soft gasp. “That little traitor.”

Eddie laughs. “Trust me, Dustin sings your praises like a fucking bard.”

“He better or it will be back to biking for him.”

For a moment it’s quiet on the other line and Eddie had almost forgotten why Steve called him in the first place.

“So I guess there’s no more sleepovers, huh?”

“Eh, depends. I’ve gotten pretty good at sneaking out over the years.”

“Just gotta make sure we get you back in time, right, Cinderella?”

“Or I let down my long, long hair and sneak you in.”

Well, that just sounds like music to his ears. The thought of breaking the rules with Steve sends a pleasant shiver down his spine.

“Surprisingly fitting for someone known as ‘the hair’.”

Steve laughs and even through the phone’s distortion, the sounds fills him with delight.

“You should get some rest. Don’t want you in zombie-mode tomorrow,” Steve says, then follows up in a far more gentle tone, “Good night, Eddie.”

“Rest well, princess .” Eddie hears Steve snort and then the beep on the other line indicates Steve has hung up. Eddie places the phone back in its socket on the wall and looks around the trailer.

Tomorrow he’ll be tired as shit, but hearing Steve’s voice was worth it. He walks back to his room, still smiling to himself as he lets himself fall back on his bed. The objects on Steve’s shelf sit unmoved and Eddie sighs as he moves to turn the lights off.

Just as things were looking up, Steve’s dad had to come in and ruin it.

Eddie’s bed isn’t particularly large, but all by himself it feels bigger than ever. He rolls over to his chest and pulls his pillow close.

When he buries his face in it, it still smells like Steve.

It’s Friday, nearly 11 PM when Eddie drives up to Family Video. It’s raining and the puddles outside shine red with the reflected neon light of the store sign. His guitar lies in its case in the back—coming back from another rehearsal—and he’s a little high on the excitement of the night; a little drunk on Gareth’s unyielding optimism.

The electric shrieking of a guitar dies down from his radio as Eddie kills the engine, and suddenly the van is cast into silence. When he jumps out of the van, his boots land heavily into a puddle and he feels water soak his socks.

Gross.

Eddie pushes his way through the doors and is greeted by the familiar jingle. Robin looks up from behind the counter while she’s helping a customer. It’s one of the few people still lingering in the store this close to closing time.

She gives him a little nod and Eddie makes his way into the store. He mulls about, browsing some of the new arrivals while he waits for Robin to finish up. Once the customer has left, he wanders over to the counter and throws himself on top of it with outstretched arms.

“Robin,” he wines. “Why do they make you work on movie night.”

Robin opens the register and pulls the drawer out. The jingle of coins hitting plastic sounds loud amidst the quiet of the empty store.

“Technically, every night here is movie night,” Robin says.

Eddie groans in response. “You know what I mean.”

“I take it you’re here for your boyfriend?”

Eddie cringes.

“He’s not my—” the words die on Eddie’s tongue, killed by Robin’s piercing stare, “Just…don’t say that to his face…lest you wish the king’s wrath befalls you,” he finishes dramatically.

“I think the king,” Robin pauses and looks towards the backroom, “Could use some exposure therapy.”

She clicks her tongue, eying the store entrance. “Will you get the sign? I’ll go get him for you.”

Eddie turns towards the door and flips the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’. Behind him, he hears a ruckus stirring until Steve’s voice transitions from muffled complaints to perfectly clear objections.

Eddie turns around just in time to see the door close behind Steve’s back.

“For fuck’s sake, Rob, I was working on that.” Steve sighs before looking up and when his eyes meet Eddie’s a shy smile appears on his face.

“Hey, stranger.” Eddie smiles at him.

The last few days have been hard. He didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so quickly—to have the feeling be so immediate. And yet, he finds Steve’s absence in every corner of his house — the untouched shelf, the extra toothbrush in his bathroom.

The single mug of coffee he makes in the mornings these days.

Eddie hadn’t realized how gradually their lives had intertwined over the past few months. It happened so seamlessly that Steve’s presence had become the default and his absence a deviation.

Steve smiles back but doesn’t say anything. Instead, Eddie watches as Steve disappears behind the counter, only to pop back up with an arm full of VHS cases.

“Here,” he says as he shoves a pile in Eddie’s direction, “Help me put them away.”

Eddie takes it, almost drops it in the process, and stares at Steve. “I have a feeling you’re abusing your powers here.”

“I know nothing of these powers you speak of.” Steve shoots him a cheeky smile and walks to one of the shelves.

They stock the shelves in silence and Eddie thinks it may be the highlight of his day, as stupid as that sounds.

He is working for free after all.

Behind him, Eddie hears Steve’s soft breathing over the hum of TL light, backed by the quiet patter of rain against glass, and the sound of plastic cases being put back into place. Squatted between the shelves they’re hidden from the street and Eddie thinks he might risk it, with the store being closed and Robin tallying the register in the back. His heart is beating fast with anticipation, and it feels forbidden, part of it, because this isn’t the privacy of their homes.

Eddie lets himself fall back onto the floor, making a soft thud as he shoves himself into the shelf, beside Steve. He’s close enough that his thigh is touching the rubber of Steve’s sole.

Eddie leans his head back against the shelf as he watches Steve work. “You’re doing that wrong.” Steve looks over and gives Eddie a questioning look. And that’s when Eddie moves. He tugs Steve gently by the back of his neck, pulling him closer until he can kiss him. Pulls until he feels Steve transition from rigid surprise into soft acceptance as his lips move in response.

It’s gentle and unhurried, and in this moment Eddie thinks Steve may love him too.

“Oh my god.”

Eddie pulls away as if burned, only to see Robin towering over them at the side of the shelves. Steve’s cheeks are flushed as he focuses on restocking once again, pretending that nothing happened.

She smiles, a little bit too happy—a little bit too cheeky. “Hurry up, yeah? I want to go home.” And then, before she turns around to leave. “I’m watching you, Munson.”

Eddie can feel the glee radiate off her and when he catches her gaze from behind the counter.

She looks almost proud.

It feels like the stuff of movies, Eddie thinks as he stands beneath Steve’s window.

Eddie parked his van a couple of streets away, just outside the fancy part of the neighborhood to avoid having the cops called on him. It took him a good five minutes to reach the Harrington Residence by foot, but when he got there, Steve’s window was open, just as they discussed on the phone.

It’s late. The light of day is only an indigo echo against the blackness of the night sky. Steve worked late and Eddie started early. And that seems to be the way things are these days.

He hates how their schedules conflict now. It makes him ache for the days when free time seemed abundant; when he could hang out at Family Video during the day while Robin and Steve worked.

The urge to run away is increasingly hard to suppress and he wonders what Steve would say. If he’d join him in his madness.

Eddie looks at the gentle pouring of light from Steve’s room.

It feels kinda thrilling — a little dumb too — to be sneaking into someone’s room at twenty-one. On the bright side, that’s one high school cliché he can cross off the list, even if it’s a little late.

Eddie grabs the drainpipe and gives it an experimental shake. It seems sturdy enough. And it’s one thing that Eddie is actually good at—climbing.

He may not be the best at basketball, but he can run just fine and he can climb, and roll, and jump. Back in high school, whenever he was dealing at the occasional house party, he had his fair share of close calls when running from the cops. Some of which definitely included a little climbing every now and then.

Eddie hoists himself up on the drainpipe and is pleasantly surprised by the ease with which he does so. Seems like construction work, despite being generally horrible, has some perks after all. It doesn’t hurt that Steve seems to like the added definition Eddie has gained.

Once he pulls himself onto the roof, he can walk the last part to Steve’s window. He takes care, walking slowly and placing his feet thoughtfully so as not to create a sound. He cringes when he hears the room creak under his boot, waits a second to gauge a reaction, and when none comes, continues.

When he reaches the window he finds Steve lounging on his bed, messing around with a sketchbook in his lap. He’s wearing sweatpants and a simple T-shirt and seems deeply focused as he draws illuminated in the warm hue of a lamp on his desk.

Eddie stares a moment, watching the tranquility on Steve’s face, and feels a fondness settle in his heart.

“I’m kinda missing that hair you promised,” Eddie says as he rests his head on crossed arms on the window sill. Steve jumps up, visibly surprised, and quickly makes his way over to the window.

“Tone down on the volume. My parents are at the end of the hall,” Steve whispers as he shoves the window open a little further.

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie slips his legs through and quietly — as quietly as he can manage — lands with his heavy boots on the carpeted floor of Steve’s room.

Steve cringes at the sound and looks towards his bedroom door. Eddie follows his gaze.

“I don’t suppose you can lock that?”

“My parents don’t believe in privacy. It comes with some trauma, believe me.”

Eddie raises an amused eyebrow. “Daddy caught you choking the chicken, slapping the ol’ salami, stroking the one-eyed sn—”

Steve slaps a hand over Eddie’s mouth, his eyes wide. “Oh my god, will you stop it,” he hisses.

Eddie just laughs and licks a wet stripe over the inside of Steve’s hand. Steve pulls his hand away, grimacing.

“Dude.” Steve rubs his hand on his sweatpants. “But no, it was my mom. More than once, unfortunately. I’m pretty sure she’s equally traumatized.”

“But not enough to get you a lock.”

“Apparently not.”

Eddie feels something brewing in his gut. An irrepressible need for some mischief; to tease Steve a little.

“It’s kinda exciting too right? The possibility of being caught?” Eddie takes a step towards Steve, walking him back until the back of his calves hits the bed.

Steve’s eyes widen slightly, a flush creeping up his neck. “Really? That’s your takeaway?”

“What? Like this isn’t a booty call?” Eddie pushes Steve back until he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, then moves the straddle him, placing himself heavy on Steve’s thighs. His hand finds the curve of Steve’s neck, thumbing at his jawbone and ghosting his lips there.

Steve rests his hands on Eddie’s hips, fingers playing absent-mindedly with the hem of his shirt. He looks back to the door again, brows furrowed as he seems to think.

“We have to be quiet,” he whispers finally, turning his head back to Eddie. His lips are so close that Eddie can almost taste the words; feels them prickle on his skin with heat and intention.

“Then you better be quiet.” Steve opens his mouth to protest, but it’s reduced to a quiet groan as Eddie softly moves his lips over Steve’s.

He pulls back abruptly and Steve whines in response. “Hold on, I got you something.”

Steve eyes him curiously while Eddie digs through his pocket. When he feels his fingers hit soft plastic, he wraps his hand around it and pulls it out. He holds it out in front of Steve’s face and smiles broadly.

“A joint?” Steve looks at the baggy with a frown.

“I can’t stand having you falsely accused.”

“And your solution is to have me rightly accused?”

“Exactly!”

Steve slaps a hand over Eddie’s mouth, making a shushing sound. This time, Eddie pulls it away gently and holds the hand, intertwining their fingers. He leans in, speaking his words against Steve’s lips.

“What do you say?”

“I say,” Steve breathes, “You’re every bit the bad influence Mrs. Sanders thinks you are.”

Eddie leans forward, briefly capturing Steve’s lip before pulling back. Steve chases them and Eddie feels a flutter in his chest at the movement. “Let’s get on the roof. This stuff kinda reeks.”

Eddie steps away from Steve, pulling him up to his feet by their intertwined hands, and guides him to the window. Eddie climbs through first, followed by Steve whose exit is smooth and quick, painted by experience, and Eddie wonders how often Steve has sneaked out and why. It’s probably girls, and it stirs something ugly in his gut.

Jealousy , he thinks.

Eddie isn’t stupid, he’s heard the rumors. He knows Steve has been around and it makes him a little insecure. He doesn’t mind it, not really. He’s hardly set on that purity bullshit. It’s just that Eddie hasn’t had much experience.

Eddie sits down on the roof and waits for Steve to join him. He puts the joint between his lips and strikes his zippo — one, two, three times — to light it. He takes a few short drags to let it truly catch and when it does finally inhales fully before handing the joint to Steve.

The scent drifts around them, up into the cloudless sky. Before them the pool glows blue and the trees outside the garden are little more than black smudges against the midnight sky.

“It’s been some time since I’ve done this,” Steve says as he shifts a little closer to Eddie’s side. They’re as close as they can get, side to side, and Eddie slides his arm behind Steve to try and keep him a little warmer in the night’s chill.

Steve takes a tentative pull, and breathes it in, not too deep, before releasing the smoke from his lips with his head tilted towards the sky.

They sit in silence and smoke until the joint is halfway gone. Eddie stubs it, saves it for later, as he leans back as well. It’s a clear night and stars dot the sky more brightly than he’s ever appreciated in Hawkins.

“When did you know you liked me?” Steve asks from his side. His voice sounds a little slow.

“Bold of you to assume I do.” Eddie stares straight ahead, keeping his face as neutral as he can manage.

“Oh, shut up.”

Steve playfully slaps at his arm and Eddie breaks, a grin growing on his face. “Fine, guess I will—shut up that is.”

“No, tell me,” Steve whines.

And Eddie feels like he can’t refuse Steve anything. He’d probably set the world on fire for this guy if only to keep him warm.

“Alright, alright,” he relents, “It was probably somewhere after you started dating that girl.”

Eddie doesn’t know why but he feels himself grow nervous. His hands are itching for something to do and he briefly considers lighting the joint again. It’s too soon. Instead, he twists at his rings — the skull one on his ring finger — with his thumb as he waits for Steve’s response.

“What? Jennifer?” Steve frowns.

“Right. That’s the one.”

For a moment, Steve is silent. Eddie can hear his lips move as if he’s silently speaking to himself, and then he does.

“Can I tell you something? Promise not to laugh.”

“Cross my heart.” Eddie lays a hand over his chest.

“I think I only started dating her because I was confused.”

Steve’s voice sounds fragile and from the corner of his eyes, Eddie can see Steve looking at him—gauging his reaction. But that can’t be right, because Steve always seems so confident. So unapologetically affectionate and intimate that it makes Eddie’s head spin. Now Steve looks vulnerable.

“Confused?” Eddie echoes.

Steve is playing with the hem of his shirt. Folding it over and back again between his fingers.

“About my feelings….for you.” Steve looks away. He’s blushing. Eddie is making him blush .

It’s the first time it really hits him, that maybe he affects Steve just as much as Steve does him. That maybe all that time he anguished over Steve’s confusing behavior, Steve actually was confused himself.

That maybe there was little to rationalize.

“Pray the gay away, huh?” Eddie feels the words slip his mouth, and they feel more mean than he intended them to.

“I’m not—” Steve cuts himself off, “Anyway, yeah, that’s why it didn’t work out. She caught on pretty quickly that something wasn’t right.”

It stings because he knows what Steve was going to say. And perhaps he just needs more time, who can say? Eddie tries not to show the hurt on his face. Instead, he focuses on whatever Steve is willing to give him. And it’s a lot, isn’t it? More than he ever expected. More than he dared to dream.

“You tried to get her back anyway?”

“I don’t know. I was a mess. I just wanted to get out; wanted you there with me I guess.” Steve still isn’t looking at him; still fidgeting with his shirt.

“You know, that night I thought you were going to kiss me.” Eddie lets out a nervous chuckle.

Steve is silent for a moment.

“I thought so too,” he admits. It surprises Eddie—Steve’s frankness. Back then, he figured he had gotten it all wrong. That it only looked that way. Never did he dream it might actually be—

“You’re a confusing guy, you know that?” he tells Steve.

“Like you aren’t.” Steve sends him a little smile to soften his words and Eddie can’t help but smile back.

They really are a bunch of idiots.

“Look, since we’re on the honesty train here, I’ll tell you something too.” Eddie starts. He fidgets with his ring, fixing his gaze back on the pool. He imagines its depths and from up here on the roof, it looks nearly bottomless — a blue void, or a portal to another realm.

“In the beginning, I was just— fucking around with you I guess? Testing your limits, pushing your buttons. Trying to get a rise out of the great King Steve. You were a total buzz kill by the way.”

Steve frowns. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is,” Eddie turns to face Steve—really face him as he shifts his arm from behind Steve, moving it lower to steady himself. Steve looks back, brown eyes searching his face. “I was getting close to you, like, physically close, only to push you away. But you, Mr. Harrington, are impossible to spook. And at some point, I began to like it. The way you would stand so close to me; touch me so casually. I guess I’ve never really had that. Never allowed anyone to. You totally broke me.”

“In a good way?” Steve eyes him questioningly, his gaze a little troubled.

“Definitely a good way. Like a piñata. Cracked me open and I’m full of candy.” Eddie lets himself fall back on the roof with spread arms behind his head.

“You are so weird,” Steve chuckles, then continues, “I bet you taste like candy too.”

Steve leans over then, capturing Eddie’s lips without hesitation. A small, more sensible part of his brain tells him that it’s kinda fucking dangerous to get frisky on a roof, even if it isn’t that sloped. But Steve’s tongue is like a dagger and Eddie’s sensibilities susceptible to piercing damage.

He allows himself to be pushed back; to have Steve press his weight into Eddie while he works his mouth. Steve cradles his jaw and wills his lips to part. Steve’s tongue slides hot against his own and Eddie lets out a small desperate sound as Steve’s other hand makes its way down until he finds the hem of his shirt. He moves over his skin, fingers leaving behind a trail of electricity as they feel and explore.

It’s overwhelming, maybe more so than before.

Eddie digs his hands in the back of Steve’s shirt, pulling the fabric taut until there is no more give. He aches for Steve, aches for his touch—everywhere.

Steve breaks the kiss, moving his lips down until they find the crook of Eddie’s neck, and kisses him there. Sucks and bites in a way that gives him goosebumps all over.

“Do you think Mrs. Sanders is watching?” Eddie breathes in Steve’s ear.

“So what if she is?” Steve rolls his hips and it sends a shockwave through Eddie. Makes him tingle all the way from his head to his toes.

“Then we better give her a sho—” Eddie’s words are interrupted by another roll of Steve’s hips and he feels himself gasp, fingers digging harder into Steve’s back, pulling at the fabric until Steve’s back is exposed to the world.

He needs to feel Steve. Needs to be skin to skin as he pulls at Steve’s shirt—pulls it over his head until it comes off and Steve is looking down on him. But Eddie’s clothes aren’t that easy. He swears at himself. At his stupid choice of wardrobe—shirt and jacket over jacket.

“Let’s go inside, yeah?” Eddie feels slightly out of breath. Steve nods.

Eddie removes his jacket and shirt with a haste he has never known in his life. Removes his pants for good measure, just like Steve, until they’re both naked.

When Steve pushes him back on his bed, it feels familiar against his back. He is reminded of the first time he slept here, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Only now the ceiling is concealed by Steve’s hovering form. And instead of nervous awkwardness, he feels a sense of giddy anticipation when Steve’s lips find his.

He doesn’t try to think of the lockless door. Doesn’t try to, but somehow finds a renewed sense of danger and excitement in the idea.

He moves with Steve, parts his legs, and allows Steve to settle between them. To set a rhythm as he moves above him. And it feels good—so good—the slide of Steve’s dick against his own. Steve moves from his lips, down to the column of his throat, and then keeps moving, placing small kisses and sucking at the skin of Eddie’s chest without losing his rhythm.

Down—down.

Eddie’s heart is hammering in his chest with every kiss, every lick, and he doesn’t expect it when he feels a hand wrap itself around his dick.

When he moves his head to look down, he sees Steve’s mouth ghosting over his cock. The sight alone nearly tips him over and that’s all the warning he gets before Steve runs his tongue, base to lip over the length of it.

It’s so intense, so overwhelming that Eddie throws his head back into Steve’s pillow and he bite his knuckle to still the sounds begging to escape him.

Steve takes it as encouragement, taking him in as far as he can, guided by his hand, and Eddie loses all sensible thought. It’s just him and Steve and the overwhelming sensation of Steve working him, sucking him in like he’s made for it. He whispers Steve’s name like a chant. Tries to keep his voice down as he moans softly in tune with Steve’s movements. His hands grip uselessly at the bedding as he moves with it, feels his hips dying to buck under the sensation, only to be kept down by Steve’s insistent hand.

He’s good at it, so good. And it doesn’t take long for Eddie to feel that familiar heat bubble in his gut.

“Steve,” he whispers uselessly, his hand moving towards Steve’s hair, burying it there. “Steve I’m close,” he crooks out.

Steve pulls back then, lips pink and plump from the abuse. He moves his thighs underneath Eddie’s until their cocks line up and then grabs hold of them together, leaning forwards on one hand next to Eddie’s head and kisses him again.

And it’s too much—too much when Steve’s hand starts moving. When Eddie can taste himself on Steve’s tongue that licks itself into his mouth. It’s all it takes. Eddie drags his nails over Steve’s back, and Steve groans into his mouth as Eddie feels his hot release fall between them on his stomach. Pleasure is ripping through him—ripping him apart as Steve works him through it — swallowing every sob, every whimper. It doesn’t take long for Steve to get there too and he buries his sounds in Eddie’s neck as he adds to the mess on his stomach.

Steve lets himself fall next to Eddie, catching his breath for a moment before leaning over again, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, then below his eye, and finally, his lips, lingering there for a sweet moment before getting up and fetching some tissues.

Steve makes a show of cleaning him up. Does so gently and quietly, before moving back into the bed next to Eddie, one leg draped over his body as he buries his face into his pillow.

They lie there for a moment, and Eddie feels exhaustion overcome him.

“Steve,” Eddie whispers. Steve lets out a soft groan in return. Eddie turns to his side and tries again. “Steve.”

This time Steve turns his head with eyes still closed. “Hm?”

“I think I should go,” he whispers into Steve’s hair. Steve groans again, and it sounds like objection.

“Stay,” Steve whines softly. And Eddie wishes he could as he pries himself away. As much as he would love to, it wouldn’t be wise. Nothing about tonight was wise—as much as it was fun.

They shouldn’t tempt fate.

Steve remains unmoved on the bed, opening a lazy eye as he watches Eddie dress. Once Eddie is fully dressed, he leans over to Steve, placing another kiss into his hair.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he says before climbing his way out of the window. Steve doesn’t respond, and Eddie smiles to himself as he softly closes it behind him.

---

● Part 1 ● Previous ● Next ● AO3 ●

#steddie #steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #pov eddie munson #steddie fic #mutual pining #my fics #proximity_fic #ster writes steddie

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empressofthesunwriter · 1 year ago

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The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 9: There is always more than one way

The handsome Elf King and his two followers, his right-hand men and Bard Jimmy, lead me inside the house and we are now sitting face to face on the dining table.

Well me and the king.

His followers flank him on each side.

I took off my blond Link wig.

I don’t see any more reason to hide behind it if they already know my true gender.

Also, I want that the Elf King sees ME not my cosplay.

I have a feeling, he likes what he sees, without sounding arrogant. He looked interested in my brunette bob cut.

Maybe he has a thing for brunettes?

I really hope so.

Damn, I’m so nervous.

This is so different than with Kenny.

Why does red hair make me crazy? Why?

“Lady N.K., before I tell you why I wanted to speak to you let me introduce myself and my loyal ranger.”, starts the Elf King. “I’m Kyle and he is Stan. Jimmy, you already know.”

Kyle…

His name is Kyle.

It fits him so much.

I gulp and pray I don’t stutter.

“Pleased to meet you, King Kyle and Ranger Stan, as you know I’m mage N.K.”

Yeah, I didn’t stutter!

“Nice to meet you too dude, erm my lady.”, greets me, Stan. “I was curious to know who gave my man such beatings. You really look as tough as they said.”

I laugh and wave it away.

“You honor with your words, noble Ranger.”

“Now that pleasantries are out of the way, I would really like to talk to you Lady N.K.”, says King Kyle, his green eyes seem to look into my soul.

I feel…naked.

Vulnerable.

Not a lot of people made me ever feel this way.

Kyle is really something special.

Damn…I will probably really do whatever he says just to get in his good graces and hopefully snatch him up!

Why I’m such a thirsty hoe?

Why?

My hormones are bitches!

“I’m listing, your highness.”, I manage to get out my lips.

“I want to be truthful to you, so you know you can trust my words.”, he begins. “Bard Jimmy reported to us yesterday that the new mage of Kupa Keep is a girl and that Wizard Fatass doesn’t know it. But Stan and I wanted to see you for ourselves. We are quite surprised that you are indeed a girl.”

“Yeah, Leo, erm, Butters told me the girls of South Park don’t really play games with you. But I’m not a native from here.”, I remind him.

He nods.

“Indeed, you are different.”, he continues. “You are a powerful warrior as Stan already said. It’s a waste of your potential to be on Wizard Fatass’s side.”

Okay, I dig it that Kyle thinks I’m a powerful warrior, but also….

“You make me sound like a weapon.”, I point out. “A weapon you want to defeat Cartman with.”

Stan and Jimmy share a look, while Kyle’s beautiful eyes light up.

Damn, so hot!

“You aren’t only strong in body, but you possess a sharp mind. You could be so much more than be Cartman pawn.”

“I’m no one’s pawn. The human recruited me first and I made friends with them. I feel offended been called Fatass Pawn. He can suck my non-existed dick!”, I make myself clear.

“And yet you do what he says.”, counters Kyle. “We tracked a Twitter raven who says you are currently trying to recruit the goths for the Wizard and he told you sure that we have the Stick, he is lying!”

I frown.

How he words it…I don’t like it.

“Cartman is the one you should be fighting against. He's hiding the Stick -- which is cheating -- and acting all betrayed and sad to get you to recruit more people for him.”, adds Ranger Stan.

I look at the quiet Jimmy, who simply nods.

“King Kyle be frank with me, what do you want from me?”

“Lady N.K., do the right thing and recruit the Goth kids for US. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the Stick back once and for all.”

I let out a loud huff, cross my arms and sit back on my chair.

“Why should I? You could be lying. I hate Cartman, but I made friends in Kupa Keep.”, I respond. “Princess Kenny and Paladin Butters are most dear to me. Why should I risk their friendship for YOU? Do you have something to offer me which would be worth it?”

Hey, I try to be not that easy.

Also, it’s true.

I have Kenny and Leo and the other guys who are my friends.

Kyle may be hotter than the sun, but I don’t know him or his people. They were since I started the RPG the enemy.

“You really rather stay at Cartman’s side, even if he is a huge lying asshole, just for the Princess and the Paladin?!”, shouts Ranger Stan shocked.

He wants to add more, but Kyle raises a hand.

“Stan enough!”

“But-“

“No, she makes good points. Till now we were only enemies to her, you wouldn’t trust her either.”

The ranger frowns but nods at his king’s words.

Now the king turns back to me. Again his green eyes seem to look into me. I feel how I turn red and start to sweat.

Can he please stop that?!

I can’t think clearly when he looks at me like that.

Without looking away from me he says: “Stan, Jimmy, leave us. I want to talk to Lady N.K. alone.”

….Did I hear right?!

Alone.

The hot elf king wants to be alone with me?!

OH. MY. LORD!

My head is immediately in the gutter, while Stan and Jimmy leave us.

Still, with his brilliant eyes on me, King Kyle stands up from his sit and walks over to mine.

I’m a statue.

I can’t move.

My breath is heavy.

Now he stands before me.

Like this, me sitting he standing, Kyle is taller.

I look up at him with wide eyes.

“I have noted the way you look at me.”, he murmurs.

Softly he twirls a lock of my brown hair around his finger and something like a dying whale sounds comes out of my lips.

This makes him smirk….and yep my panties just dropped down the floor.

It should be illegal to have such an effect on people!

“Lady N.K., what I can offer you is simple.”

“W-What?”, I croak out.

“Me and my kingdom. Be my queen.”

HOLY. SHIT!

I gasp for air, and that’s when the king plants a short but hot kiss on my mouth. His tongue teasingly stroking mine.

And I’m done.

He got me.

I wrap my arms around his neck, not letting him get away and we kiss hot and wild.

I don’t know how he managed, and it turns me on even more, but he wraps his arms around my waist and places me on the table.

King Kyle lays with his full weight on me.

I feel anything.

Oh, this is heaven!

I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands stroke his beautiful red hair, while he kissed down my throat to my-

“Lady N.K. are you all right?”, brings me the voice of King Kyle back from my lust-filled daydream.

I don’t know if I should feel glad or disappointed.

It was going so well!

Goddammit, always at the best parts!

I can feel how hot my cheeks are while other parts of me are…well you can imagine.

Stupid hormones…

“Erm, yes, I’m okay, your highness.”, I answer him and fuck does my voice sound squeaky.

It’s embarrassing.

Kyle, who is still sitting innocently on his chair, raises an elegant eyebrow.

How he doesn’t believe it is formally written on his face.

“If you say so.”, at least he decides to let it drop it. He crosses his fingers with each other and leans on them. “Lady N.K. I know I ask you something impossible. You formed bonds in Kupa Keep, even with Wizard Fatass there.”

I nod in agreement.

“You have every right to distrust us, even if we really don’t have the Stick. Why should we reach out to you if we already have the Stick? I’m not power-hungry like Cartman.”, he explains. “If I had the Stick I would be perfectly content with it to help my people. Cartman on the other hand always wants more. He is a glutton in all things.”

I frown, but I can’t really detect a lie in all this. From what I expired myself from Cartman it would fit him.

“I want that you think for a second about what will happen when Cartman finds out you are a girl. He will banish you from time and space without even thinking that he let go of the best warrior we ever had here in Zaron and Larnion just because you are a girl. He wouldn’t care, but I would.”

“We are closing in on what you will offer to me if I join you, aren’t we?”, it’s not really a question.

King Kyle nods and stands up.

He crosses his hands behind his back, facing me.

“If you join the Eleven Kingdom, if you bring the Goth to us, if you swerve your loyalty to me, I promise you, that you can freely be yourself. No more hiding your true nature and I could protect you from Cartman banishment since you would belong to my people.”

Uff, that’s not a bad offer.

…Okay, if he would have offered me what I dreamed up, I wouldn’t even think about it. Being a queen to such a hot king would be amazing, but sadly the reality is another.

“I would lie if I say I wasn’t tempted.”, I admin truthful. “It sucks to be called Douchebag and hide that I’m a girl. I can’t stand Cartman and I really, really want to punch his stupid fat face in, but…I have friends in Kupa Keep as I said. I can’t betray them for my selfish desires.”

“Then you are a way better person than we all.”, he gives me a small smile.

Adorable!

Also, boy, I’m not that good. If you had pushed the right buttons I would have become a traitor.

Deep down I’m a selfish, power-hungry, thirsty hoe.

Maybe that’s why Kenny and I get along so well together.

She would have known what I wanted to be on her side.

Sign.

I stand up from my sit and bow before King Kyle.

“It was an honor to meet you, your Highness. If we had met earlier I would have stayed on your side for sure. But I belong to Kupa Keep, my loyalties lay there. I will find a way to handle King Cheesy Pops.”

The red-haired boy signs, but nods.

“I understand Lady N.K., I really wish you would reconsider, but I couldn’t betray my bonds either.”, he says. “But if you change your mind, we will take you in with open arms.”

“Thank you, your highness. I should go now.”

With that, I put my wig back on.

Time to return to reality.

Kyle steps beside me and escorts me the short way to the entrance door.

He opens the door for me.

“Mage N.K., even if we are on different sides, be assured that I and my people won’t tell your true gender to anyone. Your secret is safe with us.”

Thankful I smile.

“This means a lot, King Kyle. May your reign be long.”

“Thank you, I wish you the best with Fatass. It will not be simple.”

I step out of the door. With a last smile to the handsome Elf King, I leave the Eleven Kingdom.

I should join up again with Princess Kenny.

I should return to Kupa Keep.

I shouldn’t just answer the worrying text messages of my princess and my little brother.

But after what happened at the Eleven Kingdom I need time to think.

I’m happy that I didn’t listen to my hormones, who wanted to take a bit out of Kyle, yet I’m also sad.

Aargh, it’s a mess.

I like Kenny.

I truly do.

And she likes me too.

I should be happy with my decision to stay in Kupa Keep, sadly I just can’t.

Even with Kenny, even with all my friends, I can’t be truly myself because the head honcho aka. Cartman is a dick and hates girls and would kick me out without a second thought.

Now there is Kyle, my absolute dream boy, a noble King who would take me in, let me be who I am, and protected me, but I can’t also join him, because I don’t wanna betray my princess and little brother and I want more from Kyle then he wants to give me.

Again, aargh!

So, no, I can’t return to Kupa Keep till I can find a solution to this chaos that will make me happy.

It’s time to call the cavalry.

“Hey sis, I’m on my way to the cinema, what’s up?”

“Tam, can we meet at the park? I need someone neutral with a problem I have.”

“Uff, what a mess. Your life is complicated.”, concludes Tammy, after I told her the whole story.

We are sitting on a park bench in the playground of South Park. It could be nice to catch the sunray together and just talk about normal things, but I needed to tell Tammy my RPG-Life problems.

It was funny, how she had to take a look at me twice, seeing me in my Link cosplay, sadly the talking that followed was not.

Now I lay with my head on her shoulder, while she has wrapped an arm around me in comfort.

I feel defeated.

I feel hopeless.

I just don’t know what do to.

“Do you have any idea how I can fix this mess?”, I formally beg her.

She hums thoughtfully and strokes my hair. Aah, that’s a nice feeling. Something that I need right now.

“Well, the problem is clear, it’s Eric Cartman.”

“No shit, sis.”

“What about…if he wasn’t in the picture anymore?”

Couries I turn my head so that I can look up in her eyes. She has a mischievous light in them.

“What do you mean by that?”

Then Tammy tells me her plan.

And I can just applaud her.

“Oh hamburgers, I don’t know if we can do this N.K., like Eric will be so angry!”

Leo is scarred as I tell him the plan, me and Tammy came up, while Princess Kenny seems excited.

“I say we do it!”, shouts Princess Kenny full energy. “This will be the sweetest revenge on the fatass for all the shit he pulled in all these years!”

“But, but, he will be so angry at us!”

“Technically, we never said that it wasn’t allowed, so he can’t do anything.”

I nod in agreement at Princess Kenny’s words.

“My princess, do you think we can get the others on board?”

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head over it, beautiful, that’s the easiest part!”

To say that the elven and their King are surprised to see me again in their Kingdom is an understatement.

Maybe it’s because I brought for this part Tammy along aka. she insisted on coming with me.

“Lady N.K.”, finds King Kyle his words again. “I didn’t expect you back…and in company.”

Tammy and I bow before him.

“King Kyle, this is Tammy, my best friend, and a damn good fighter.”

“We came here because we have planned something, which you surely will approve, your highness.”, flawless add Tammy like she does RPGs for ages.

“…I’m listing.”

With a huge smile, I make my way to the Goth kids.

Turns out Tammy’s father smokes, so she “borrowed” a pack of cig, and like Kenny said the hobo before U-Store-It sold Goth clothes, which I wear now.

The plan for Cartman is set in motion.

We only need the Goth kids and all will be ready!

This will be a piece of cake.

Words that I would soon regret.

#southparkfanfiction #southpark #new kid sp #dovahkiin #stick of truth #SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 #douchbag #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #k2 #polyamarous

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iamthewanderingbard · 2 years ago

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Do your Oc's have any traditions that they celebrate during the holidays?

Heyoooooo!!!

Another @jameshoppy OC question! Tysm, dude! I always love answering these!

Okay, so! OC traditions!

Lyric, being a pony, travels back to her hometown of Faroefield to celebrate Hearth’s Warming Eve with her family! Her family consisting of her mother and father, her sister and brother-in-law, her niece and nephew, and some found family she’s bonded with along the way. They all like to gather together and catch up with one another while also singing carols and exchanging stories. With Lyric being asked to put on a performance at least once, of course. She is a wandering bard after all!

For Ginger, I don’t recall if witches in the Magic World celebrate Christmas or not. It’s been a while since I’ve read Sugar Sugar Rune. But regardless, her mentor Cappuccino (who is also a witch) has spent years in the Human World herself and has picked up on some of the traditions, such as decorating. And oh boy, does Cappuccino love to decorate! So with Ginger residing in the Human World for much of her story and with Cappuccino as a mentor and having human friends, she’d probably at the very least pick up on the traditions of decorating and gift giving as well if she did not in fact have these traditions in the Magic World! Either way, I could see Ginger celebrating a quiet, cozy Christmas at home (whether that be with her parents in the Magic World or with Cappuccino and their familiars Mocha and Marshmallow in the Human World), sitting by the fire, sipping cocoa, and exchanging gifts with the ones she loves.

Now Rose is very close to her family, and she has a HUGE family! At least on her mother’s side. Her father’s side is smaller and more scattered. But regardless! Her mother’s family always orchestrates a HUGE gathering for Christmas and she and the others attend! Along with any friends that are brought along, significant others, people that have simply been adopted as family, and what-have-you. It’s chaotic and cozy and Rose wouldn’t have it any other way. On a smaller scale, though, she’d also have a quieter celebration at home with her mom and step-dad. (Her dad was a pilot in the Great War and died during his service when she was young.) And with her step-dad being a minister and Rose not being religious at all, they would probably get into some fun debates. And I legitimately mean fun. She and Roy have an amazing relationship and she often thinks of him as her dad just as he often thinks of her as his daughter.

And lastly, Tina! Now Tina also celebrates Christmas, but like Rose she isn’t religious at all. She’s more in it for the fun. Especially since my friend @neoninkstains helped me decide that December 25 is also her birthday! So LOTS of lines and quips from her with her being a bit of a smartass and being such a huge flirt. XD So while I’m not entirely sure how Tina would celebrate — if it would be something loud and flamboyant or if it would be more quiet for her — she at the very least would have a few drinks. Probably celebrate with those she’s close to. Perhaps even Rose would find time to celebrate with her, since they did date at one time and are (usually) still quite close.

Also an honorable mention for New Year’s Eve with Tina and Rose! These two are such party fiends that they would ABSOLUTELY let loose and celebrate! They would definitely find a good party to attend and do so, perhaps accompanying each other if they don’t have dates of their own, and definitely drinking a lot and having fun socializing to ring in the new year.

And there you go! I hope all these ramblings made some modicum of sense. XD And as always, tysm for your question!!! I absolutely LOVED answering this one!

#character talk #character chatter #oc question #MLP OC Lyric #Lyric the Bard #Ginger Épice #Rose Deschamps #Tina Dehavilland #Bard replies #jameshoppy

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bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher · 4 years ago

Note

Hi love!

Can I please beg for Tangled Geraskier?

Rapunzel Jask. You know I’m a sucker for angst so including the scene where he cuts her hair would slay me 💖💖💖💖💖

TYILYYYYY

Hello, Stina dear! Sorry this took me actual months to write, but it broke me out of my writer’s block and for that I am eternally grateful.

I chose several pieces of the Tangled narrative to write Geralt and Jaskier into... enjoy!

2k-ish words (please leave me comments I’m so tired my dudes)

tw: blood, injury, major character (near) death, if you’ve seen Tangled you’ve seen this

---

“So,” Jaskier smiles playfully up at the thief sitting beside him. “Roger Eric, huh?”

Geralt rolls his eyes but Jaskier catches the flush that settles high on his companion’s cheekbones. “It was… It’s a long and boring story about a lot of sad little children that I’m sure you don’t want to hear on such a lovely evening.”

Jaskier scoots closer, until the sides of their arms are pressed too tightly together for even a slip of paper to slide between, and leans his weight against the thief. He bats his thick eyelashes and pouts his lip in a way that always seems to work with his Father. “C’mon, Geralt, please won’t you tell me? Just one little story? I told you about my magical hair, after all.”

“Hmm,” the thief glares dawn at the doe-eyed blonde for a moment before nervously clearing his throat. “Fine. I… I got the name Geralt of Rivia from a collection of short stories that I used to read the other boys at the orphanage in Kaedwen; they were all about this knight who was loyal and brave and courageous despite his hideous appearance. He was rejected by princesses and noble women but was beloved by the people. Having been born with white hair… well, a lot of the folks that came looking for children thought I was under a spell or curse so…. I wasn’t their first choice for adoption.”

“You and Geralt were a lot alike, then. Different. Special… Kind.”

“I wouldn’t say I was spe-”

Jaskier’s hand darts forward and his long, slender musician’s fingers grasp Geralt by the wrist. The fledgling bard clings onto his escort tightly, his large blue eyes suddenly brimming up with tears. “Don’t you dare say you aren’t special, Geralt Roger Eric whatever your surname really is. I’ll never forgive you if you spew such nonsense where my delicate ears can hear it.”

Geralt swallows thickly and glances away. Jaskier always looks so sweet and sincere; the features on his boyish face flicker in and out of focus as patterns of light thrown by their small campfire play across his pale skin. His gaze is intense, focused on Geralt and Geralt alone. The thief panics and asks: “What is it, Jaskier? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You saved me, you know. You saved me from those men back there at the inn, you saved me from being trapped in the tower all my life, you saved me from getting lost in the forest, you… you’re a good person, Geralt. Don’t let the world or the Captain of the Guard or anyone else change your mind, do you understand me? You are-” Jaskier’s hands scrabble frantically to grasp Geralt’s, as if the white-haired man might disappear entirely if Jaskier so much as loosens his grip “- you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me since I’ve been locked in that foul, awful tower!”

“Well I…” Geralt clears his throat again. He stands slowly, disentangling his hangs from Jaskier’s as he takes a slow step back. And then another. “I should go get more firewood.”

Despite the uneasiness in their parting, Jaskier smiles after him.

The momentary spell cast by their closeness is only broken when Jaskier hears a familiar voice from just behind him: “Well, I thought he’d never leave!”

The blonde jumps up from his seat and spins on his heel to face the black-cloaked wizard. “Father? How… How did you find me?”

Stregobor wraps his arms around Jaskier’s shoulders and squeezes so tightly that it feels more like a threat than an embrace. “It was easy, I simply followed the sound of absolute betrayal.”

Jaskier flinches and tries to pull away but cannot yet escape.

“I just brought you this,” his Father continues. He finally releases Jaskier and hands his son the worn leather satchel he’d found hidden in his tower. “If this Geralt creature really is the man you think him to be -and don’t deny it, little flower, I can read your thoughts- give this back to him and see how long he stays.”

“Father, I-”

“Goodbye, my child. See you soon, I’m sure. Just remember that Father knows best!”

And in a swirl of black smoke and confusion, Stregobor disappears.

---

“Why do you look so scared?” Geralt asks. He slows the small gondola he’s rented to a stop, turning it slightly more to the side so that they have a better vantage point to see the lanterns spread over the harbor from the city. Jaskier sighs deeply and shakes a stray flower petal away from his eyes, the enormous golden braid shifting ever-so-slightly against his shoulders.

“I’ve been looking out a window for eighteen years,” he says softly. Nervously. “What if… What if it’s not what I expected? I’m terrified to see what it all looks like up close because what if it doesn’t meet my expectations? What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?”

“It will be,” Geralt replies without thinking.

“And what if it is?” Jaskier queries, voice growing frantic. “What if it’s even more spectacular than I could have ever hoped? Then my dream will have been fulfilled and I’ll just… go back to the tower again.”

“You’ll just have to find a new dream, I guess,” Geralt offers. When Jaskier settles down into the boat a bit more comfortably and smiles shyly back at him, the thief knows he’s hit the right mark for once. Behind Geralt, the first lantern lights up the sky. Jaskier gasps and points, eyes wide and sparkling with excitement; Geralt is utterly enchanted by his easy beauty. The thief digs two paper lanterns out from beneath his seat and offers one to Jaskier, giddy when he grins even more excitedly than before. “I got this for you… I hope you like it.”

“Oh, I love it! And I have something for you, too.” Jaskier turns and pulls something from behind him. The bardling hands Geralt his very own satchel, which the thief briefly accepts and then drops to the floor without a second thought. The anxious blonde musician beams over at him more gloriously than the midday sun and then turns away, blushing a sweet shade of pink. “I should have given it to you earlier, but I was so scared… and now I’m not! I’m not scared anymore!”

“Good,” Geralt smiles back. He’s elated. It feels as if his heart is glowing twice as brightly as any of the lanterns floating past and around them. “That’s very good.”

I know what my dream is now, Jaskier. Now that you’re here by my side I never want to see you frown again. You don’t deserve to be hidden away in a tower where your art is stifled… even if you don’t want to love me back in that way, I’ll still protect you. I want to see how you see the world, Jaskier. I lo-

“Geralt! Look! That one has runes painted on it, what does it say!?”

---

Geralt pulls his daggers from his belt but before he can stab them into the craigy stone wall and begin his ascent, the familiar tresses of Jaskier’s long golden hair topple down to reach him. Thank fuck, he’s still alive.

“Jaskier! I thought I’d never see you again!” he calls as he grabs hold of the thick blonde strands.

The thief climbs quickly, his arms and legs nearly cramping with the effort to hurry back to Jaskier. As he hauls himself through the large window and into the tower proper, however, he’s met with a confusing and unsettling sight: Jaskier stands across the room, a cloth gag pulled tightly between his teeth, his hands manacled together behind him. A short length of spare chain attached to the manacles keeps the frightened, struggling blonde tethered against one of the building’s thick support beams. Someone had knocked down a mirror or vase during the previous fighting; shards of pottery and silver lie scattered across the floor, working as a weak barrier to keep Geralt away from the bound man. Jaskier screams out in warning as their eyes meet: “Ghmphh!”

If Jaskier is being held captive then who let his hair do-

Before Geralt can finish fully forming his question, a bright flash of pain arcs out from his side and sends him toppling to his knees. A wet, sticky heat begins to spread from a spot beneath his ribs and when he presses his hand against his shirt it comes way red.

Oh. Oh, no...

He hears Stregobor’s voice addressing the sobbing blonde, “Now look what you’ve done, Jaskier.”

Geralt collapses to his knees and then falls to his side, curling up in the fetal position and clutching at the wound as if that will be any help at all. He knows he’s doomed, but there must be some way for him to help Jaskier… to save his… his love.

“Don’t worry, little flower, our secret will die with your little thief, here, and then we’ll be safe again. Just the two of us.”

Jaskier keens loudly and the sharp, desperate sound of it makes something deep in Geralt’s heart ache. The younger man pulls and yanks against the chains that hold him in place, his bare feet slipping against the polished floor as he tries and fails to reach the wounded Geralt.

Stregobor yanks at the lead, pulling Jaskier back harshly by the arms. The young musician’s shoulders burn with the strain of it but Jaskier pulls forward anyway, uncaring. He must save Geralt, he must. The wizard tugs him back again, more roughly, and the jarring movement loosens his gag. He spits it from his mouth and cries out: “Stregobor! Strego- Father, listen to me!”

The wizard pauses, his interest piqued by Jaskier’s use of the word Father given the circumstances. “Yes, child?”

“Father,” Jaskier pants, turning to look at the man who’d held him captive for eighteen years. The man who kidnapped him from his cradle and forced him to grow up without the love of his real parents. The man who had, mere moments ago, stabbed the love of Jaskier’s life with the full intention of killing him. “I want you to know that I won’t stop fighting you. Every moment of every day for the rest of my life will be spent trying to get away from you. I will scream and kick and struggle and yell and you will have to keep me caged away as a bird or a mouse to make me stay by your side unless-” Jaskier pauses to take a breath, his shoulders sagging as his gaze drops submissively to the floor between them “-unless you let me save this man. Let me save Geralt’s life and I will follow you all around the Continent without a single word of complaint. I will never attempt to run away or hide from you, not once. Everything will go back to being exactly like it was before, Father, I swear on his life.”

Stregobor considers for a moment.

He nods.

“Alright, then. Let’s be quick about it, little flower.”

He removes the shackles from Jaskier and clamps them tightly around Geralt’s wrists instead, securing him to the bannister at the foot of the stairs. To keep him from following us, he remarks offhandedly.

Jaskier pads his way across the floor as quickly as he can in his bare feet and falls to the ground at Geralt’s side. He pulls the wounded thief against his side to steady him and gathers two heavy handfuls of his own long hair. “I’m so sorry! Everything is going to be okay now, Geralt, I swear it.”

Geralt shoves his hands away weakly, “No, Jaskier.”

“You have to trust me, Geralt, I-”

“I c-can’t let you d-do this,” Geralt grunts, teeth gritted against the pain.

Jaskier stares down at him, tears already gathering at the corners of his sky-blue eyes. His voice trembles when he whispers, “And I can’t let you die. I won’t let you die.”

“But if you do th-this then you-” Geralt coughs and Jaskier wipes a trickle of blood away from the corner of the thief’s mouth “-you will die.”

“Shh,” Jaskier quiets him, dropping one fistfull of blonde tresses to cup Geralt’s face instead. “Everything will be alright.”

Geralt smiles sadly up at Jaskier, his decision already having been made. He lets the back of his knuckles ghost across the musician’s peach-soft cheek. Jaskier’s eyes flutter shut for a moment and then open again, curious. “Jaskier, I…”

The thief uses the last of his strength to push up into a sitting position. The hand on Jaskier’s face slides back and gathers his hair at the back of his neck. Geralt’s other hand comes up, a shard of glass gripped tightly in his fist, and slices through the long blonde strands. He watches as Jaskier’s hair turns from radiant gold to chestnut brown. Geralt falls back with a short, sharp sound of agony, his vision already fading around the edges. The shard of mirror, dagger-sharp around the edges, clatters to the ground beside Jaskier.

“No!” Stregobor screams, gathering up an armful of Jaskier’s still-blonde hair. The golden hue is already fading, shifting to match the short brown hair still fluffed around his head. The lost prince watches with wide, horrified eyes as the wizard trips over a loose floorboard and goes careening out the open window.

More worrying than his kidnapper’s death, however, is the man lying in his arms, breathing shallowly. Jaskier gathers Geralt close, tucking the thief’s head against his neck and wrapping his arms around the older man’s broad shoulders. “No, no, no, no, Geralt. Stay with me, okay? Stay with me, right here.”

He grabbed at Geralt’s hand, holding it against the top of his head as he sang desperately. “Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine, make the clock reverse, bring back was once was mi-”

“Jaskier!” Geralt says, pulling his hand down to cup the prince’s face. He can feel his limbs growing cold and numb, distant from him and out of his control. “You… You were my new dream.”

Jaskier sobs, clinging to Geralt with all he’s worth. “And you were mine.”

Geralt manages to smile up into those beautiful blue eyes one last time. And then the world goes dark and his hand falls to the floor, limp.

---

Jaskier buries his face in the crook of Geralt’s neck and screams. He throws back his head and howls like a wounded animal, his heart shattering to pieces within the confines of his chest cavity. Then he quiets himself down, adjusts Geralt’s body on his lap, and finishes the song the way he’s been taught to do: “Heal what has been hurt, change the Fates’ design, save what has been lost… bring back what once was mine.”

A single tear falls from his eye and lands on Geralt’s cheek. A cheek that will never blush again, never turn up in a smile, never-

A faint yellow glow catches Jaskier’s vision, just from the corner of his eye. He turns his head to look at Geralt’s wound and gasps: the outline of a golden flower covers his abdomen, glowing so brightly that Jaskier must hide his eyes and turn away to keep from being blinded. When the glow fades enough that can safely look back again, Geralt’s wound is gone and the blood that was once staining his jerkin has disappeared.

He leans over the white-haired thief with bated breath, waiting for a movement or a breath or something… anything.

After a long moment, two honey-hazel eyes blink open. Geralt inhales quietly and then asks, with the sweetest smile Jaskier has ever seen in all his eighteen years of life, “Did I ever tell you I had a thing for brunettes?”

Jaskier squeals with glee and throws himself into Geralt’s waiting arms, pressing their eager mouths together for the first kiss of their Happily Ever After.

#geraskier #geraskier tangled au #rapunzel jaskier #flynn ryder geralt #geraskier fluff #geraskier getting together #bouncey's endless au collection #protective geralt #soft geralt #geralt whump #tangled #blood mention #blood tw #injury tw #death but only for a minute #tangled au #goob prompt fills

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cactusnymph · 4 years ago

Text

Prompt fill #4 for @dimension20alphabet:

Dares

“Hey Fig”, Fabian hears the Genasi girl—Romilda? Rowina? Ronalda?—say after their latest Bard class on Tuesday. He’s breathing heavily after finishing his latest dance routine and he’s not actively listening to their conversation, but Fig stopped beside him to ask if he wanted to try dancing to one of her new compositions.

“I wanted to ask if you could—uh. Maybe give me the crystal number of your friend?”

Fabian grins down at his battle sheet, trying to remember if Romilda—or whatever her name was—is pretty and whether or not he wants Fig to give her his number.

“Which one?”, Fig asks, which is honestly ridiculous. He is easily the most attractive one—

“Umm... Riz?”

Fabian stops folding his battle sheet and blinks before straightening his back to turn his head. Rowina is twirling a very pretty, blue curl around her index finger. She’s very attractive and Fabian is not sure he heard correctly.

“Oh, sorry. He’s not available”, Fig says with an apologetic smile and Fabian feels his stomach knot into something very unpleasant. Which makes sense, because first of all, The Ball always insists on him and Fabian being best friends. If Riz has a girlfriend, why wouldn’t Fabian know about it?

Second, Fabian is offended because it’s completely preposterous that The Ball is supposed to be in a relationship while Fabian is not. That’s just absurd.

Sure, The Ball is endearing and smart and funny and loyal. But he’s The Ball. Tiny, skinny, nerdy, socially awkward.

“Oh... Oh, sorry, I didn’t know”, Ronalda says and seems very embarrassed before she turns around and rushes out of the classroom. Fig watches her leave and shakes her head before pulling a cigarette out of her backpack to put it behind her ear.

“Since when is The Ball not available? And why the fuck would a girl like that want his number?”, Fabian asks Fig the second they step out of the classroom to head to the cafeteria.

“Well, I just know that Riz just wouldn’t be interested in someone like that. And also, what the fuck Fabian, why are you being such a dick?”

Fabian wants to know what Fig means by ‘someone like that’. He also wants to ask further questions but he’s sure that it might sound weird to get so defensive about something like this. It’s not like he’s actually interested in The Ball’s love life. Or who he’s potentially kissing. Because that would be weird.

Plus, Fabian could get all the kisses that he wants. He just so happens to concentrate on his dancing right now. And if the whole thing with Aelwyn turned out to be a disaster, then that has nothing to do with him or what a great catch he is. That was simply because they weren’t actually as compatible as they originally thought.

“I’m not being a dick, I’m just saying that it seems wild that someone would want The Ball’s number instead of mine!”

Fig rolls her eyes at him.

“She’s not the first one to ask, you know. Riz has gotten pretty popular after the whole Goldenrod thing at prom”, she says and looks at him with raised eyebrows. Fabian snorts disbelievingly.

Sure, The Ball has changed a lot since they first met. And since, after their Spring Break, he stopped wearing his weird hat maybe Fabian would even go as far as to call him kind of handsome. If he thought about guys like that.

Which he doesn’t.

But the thought that all of a sudden people want to date The Ball is just ridiculous.

“Oh yeah?”, Fabian asks and snorts a little louder than was maybe necessary. “And who else is interested in The Ball?”

Fig narrows her eyes at Fabian and raises her hand before she starts listing names.

“Theo from Barbarian class. Kat from clerics. Ragh said that Riz is cute just yesterday. And Gorgug keeps getting questions about Riz from the Bloodrush team.”

She looks at him as if she’s expecting a very specific reaction from him. Fabian’s first thought is that he somehow feels like he should run every single guy on the team into the ground who asked Gorgug about Riz.

Then he wonders why people never ask him about The Ball.

Then he wonders if The Ball likes guys or girls. If Fabian remembers correctly Baron was a guy, but he was also a nightmare came to life and doesn’t count. Probably.

Then Fabian gets annoyed again because he feels like he doesn’t know all these things.

And then he thinks that maybe Ragh should stay in his lane.

He tries to imagine Ragh and The Ball on a date together, getting their kisses in with each other and it’s ludicrous, completely insane, but his skin feels way too tight for his body all of a sudden and there’s a rush of heat in his abdomen that has nothing to do with dance practice.

“You okay, dude?”, Fig wants to know as she carries her tray over to a table where Kristen, Adaine and Gorgug are already sitting.

“What? Yeah. Sure. Whatever”, he snaps, sits down next to Gorgug and starts poking at the atrocity on his plate that is supposed to be lasagna but looks weirdly like something that might come alive and attack him at any moment.

“What’s gotten his panties twisted?”, Kristen wants to know after one look at him.

“He’s pissed because people want to date Riz”, Fig says and Fabian considers grabbing a handful lasagna and throwing it at Fig.

“Why would you be pissed about that?”, Gorgug asks, confused. There is a beat of silence that makes Fabian raise his head just in time to realize that Adaine has cast Message to tell Gorgug something telepathically.

Gorgug makes a face that shows way too much understanding for Fabian’s tastes because there is really nothing to understand about this whole situation. This is ridiculous. His friends are being ridiculous. And the idea of The Ball being popular is—

“Hey guys”, a voice says and The Ball slides into the seat next to Fig.

Did The Ball always have so many freckles? And hair that looks way too soft to be legal?

Fabian stares at him.

Riz stares back.

“What?”, he asks.

“Nothing”, Fabian snaps and starts eating his lasagna. It tastes just as terrible as it looks. It’s hard to ignore the pointed looks that Gorgug, Fig, Adaine and Kristen exchange meaningful looks with each other.

“Anyway”, Fig says, ignoring Fabian and turning to the others. “Theo is throwing a party this weekend, do you guys wanna go?”

“Sure”, Kristen says.

“Is it one of those parties where people drink way too much and then throw up all over the house?”, Adaine asks.

Fig shrugs.

“I don’t know. Theo is pretty chill and his parents aren’t home, but I guess it would be cool if we just. You know. Stayed in our group and chilled with some beer or whatever. And he said we don’t have to bring our own booze because I gave him one of our records for free.”

“Sure. Yeah. We can like. Hang. Who knows, maybe I’ll even drink a whole beer this time”, The Ball says in the same voice he tends to use when he says the words ‘hooking up’.

“No hard drugs though”, Gorgug says with a look at Fabian.

“Hey! That wasn’t my idea! That dude just came up and kissed me straight on the mouth!”

“Wait, you kissed a dude?”, Kristen wants to know.

Fabian glares at her.

“I didn’t kiss a dude. He kissed me, okay? It was during our boys’ night and I was very high afterwards.”

“Must have been one hell of a kiss”, Kristen says with a smirk. Fabian is ready to throw his tray through the cafeteria but he doesn’t get the chance because at this point a dude he’s never seen before steps up to their table.

“Hey Riz. You coming on Saturday? I invited Fig and you guys over to my party.”

The Ball smiles awkwardly and scratches the back of his head.

“Uh—yeah. I’ll be there, I guess.”

“Sweet. See you then!”

Fabian stares at the guy who is at least as tall as him, fucking jacked—probably because he’s in a damn barbarian class, and he has a damn eyebrow piercing. What a tool.

Kristen wiggles her eyebrows at Riz and he has the nerve to blush darkgreen.

“Stop it!”

“Soo... Theo, huh?”, Kristen says.

“Kristen”, Riz says and buries his face in his hands. Fabian wonders if Theo is the person who Fig was talking about when she said that The Ball is not available. And not interested in people like Romilda. He wouldn’t be, of course, if he’s into guys.

Guys like Theo.

The Ball is interested in guys. And Fabian didn’t know.

“Fabian, bro, you alright, dude? You seem a little on edge”, Ragh says on Friday while they’re out on the field throwing some balls—the irony doesn’t escape him.

“Did you know that The Ball is into guys?”, Fabian asks before he manages to stop himself. Ragh throws the ball to him and Fabian catches it without issue before throwing it right back at Ragh, maybe a little harder than the ones before.

“I mean, kinda? I don’t think Riz knows what he’s really into. Especially because he’s super freaked out about the whole sex thing, you know. But I guess he’s not not into guys. More into guys than girls. Why? That bother you?”

Fabian isn’t sure how to explain to a gay guy that he’s offended about The Ball being into dudes without sounding like the worst homophobe. It’s not that he minds. He’s just pissed because he didn’t know. Because they’re supposed to be best friends—and okay, maybe The Ball was always very insistent on that and Fabian never actually confirmed it. But if Fabian is The Ball’s best friend, shouldn’t Fabian know about this?

Doesn’t The Ball trust him?

“I mean. No. Obviously not. I don’t give a shit”, Fabian says and watches as Ragh raises his eyebrows at him.

“Dude, remember how we talked about feelings and letting them out and like, being truthful about our emotions and stuff?”

Fabian does remember, but he refuses to acknowledge it.

“Fig said that you think The Ball is cute”, Fabian says instead and Ragh shrugs, the ball still firm in his hands

“I mean, yeah. He’s cute. He’s smart and super fucking badass. He has dimples when he smiles. Pretty adorable, if you ask me.”

Fabian feels a rush of anger again and he doesn’t know where it’s coming from. Whoever invented emotions should be hunted down for sport and shot.

“Well, I suppose, if you’re into stuff like that”, Fabian says. Ragh throws the ball at him, also a little harder than before.

“Yeah, stuff like that. Like guys, dude”, he says.

“Yeah. Like that. I wouldn’t know”, Fabian answers.

Ragh opens his mouth to say something but he seems to decide against it and shakes his head.

“Whatever, man. You’ll get there eventually”, Ragh says and Fabian has no idea what the fuck that is supposed to mean, but the next ball he throws flies wide.

Theo’s house is way smaller and less impressive than Fabian’s house—which is to be expected, but he still feels smug about it when the Bad Kids arrive at a red brick building with a garden full of sunflowers and a trampoline in the backyard that multiple people have already started using.

Loud music, laughter and voices spill out of the open windows and onto the street as Fig pushes the small garden gate open and saunters up to the front door to ring the bell.

“Damn, bro, you look sleek as fuck”, Ragh says to Fabian and hits him on the back with one his giants hands. Fabian manages not to stumble and grins. Ragh doesn’t have to know that Fabian took way longer than usual to get dressed because he is ready to get his kisses in tonight.

He doesn’t care about Theo or about the fact that The Ball secretly likes guys. He can like whoever he wants and it’s of no concern to Fabian. For all he knows The Ball can kiss half Elmville and Fabian wouldn’t care one single bit about it.

He keeps telling himself that as he follows the others into the house where people are already scattered in different rooms, many of them already drunk. There is a beerpong table set up in the living room where all other furniture has been pushed aside.

“Hey guys”, Theo says as soon as he spots them and Fabian refuses to notice the way he grins down at The Ball as if they were good friends. Which they are not. Since Riz already has a best friend and, in fact, an entire group of good friends, who are all here right now and of which Theo is definitely not a part.

Now that Fabian stands in front of him he can see that Theo is in fact taller than him, half elven, half orc with light green skin and pointy ears, dark hair and wearing a black muscle shirt which Fabian finds endlessly offensive.

“The guys were just talking about playing some old fashioned party games, do you guys wanna join?”, Theo asks and grabs some bottles of beer from a nearby table to hand them to Kristen, Riz and Gorgug. Fabian considers if it would be appropriate to deck Theo in the face because he didn’t offer Fabian a beer as well.

“I’ve never really played any party games. What kind of games?”, Adaine wants to know. She’s holding Boggy with a look of mild concern on her face.

“Oh, you know. Spin the bottle, truth or dare, that sort of stuff. Should be fun. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”, Theo proclaims and he throws an arm around Gorgug and waves all of them over to what seems to be a dining room that has been filled with a ton of pillows for people to sit on.

Fabian doesn’t really know any of the people sitting here—Fig and Gorgug on the other hand know some of them from Barbarian classes. It turns out that Theo also participates in Druid classes, which Fabians finds weird.

But he doesn’t have time to think too much about how much Theo sucks for various different reasons, because Ragh hollers excitedly, flings himself down on one of the pillows and pulls Fabian down with him.

“Fuck yeah, dude. This rules! Here, have a beer!”

Fabian has never played truth or dare before and he’s not particularly sure if he enjoys it. Adaine seems very on edge and picks truth every time, Fig on the other hand is delighted about giving people dares and picking dares herself. Kristen still has a hard time holding her liquor and insists on daring people to kiss each other. Then she starts crying because she misses Tracker.

Riz is biting his nails as he watches people play and sips on the one beer he’s had since the beginning. Fabian doesn’t actually want to look at him for more than a few seconds, but The Ball is sitting directly next to Theo who is sprawled on one of his dumb pillows and seems to have the time of his life watching two of his buddies stick their tongues down each other’s throats.

Someone dares Ragh to do a prank call on the vice principal and Ragh apologizes to Fig before he dials Gilear’s number to tell him that he won the lottery.

“Fabian, bro! I feel like I should make you kiss someone”, Ragh shouts after he’s done and throws an arm around Fabian’s shoulder. Fabian laughs and considers all the girls sitting in the circle to figure out which one he’d like to kiss the most.

“Make him kiss Riz”, Kristen calls and Fabian is confused for a second until what she said sinks in.

“Kiss Riz! Kiss Riz! Kiss Riz!”

Fabian’s eyes find The Ball’s face.

His big, yellow eyes have grown impossibly wide and he stopped biting on his nails only to start chewing on his bottom lip in a way that looks dangerous with those sharp teeth.

This is absurd. Fabian would never kiss The Ball.

“What?”, he says with a half laugh. “No!”

Fabian feels like this must be some kind of joke. He elbows Ragh in the ribs and says “Don’t be ridiculous.” and it takes him a few seconds to realize that the group of people around him has fallen silent.

“Riz?”, Adaine says quietly.

“I’ll be—uh. In the bathroom. Where the toilet is. To pee”, Riz stammers before fleeing out of the room as if the Nightmare King was chasing after him.

#fantasy high #fabriz #dimension 20 #d20alphabet21 #fanfiction #mi writes #i didnt proof read bc it's too late and also we die like men or whatever xD #fabian seacaster #fabian aramais seacaster #riz gukgak #i'll write part two as my prompt for tomorrow!

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king-finnigan · 4 years ago

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Hello! For the trope mashup could you do 2. Royal Au and 47. Blind date?

again, you didn’t send a ship so i’m just gonna assume you want it to be geraskier

okay so

jaskier is the prince of kerack

he hears his parents have arranged a marriage with someone from another royal family to join their kingdoms or whatever

Nah.jpg

jaskier runs away cause Fuck That and ends up as a travelling bard in rivia, on the run from his kingdom’s soldiers as they desperately try to bring him back so he can marry

he meets this hot dude and is like Haha Nice

hot dude (whose name turns out to be geralt) hates him at first but jaskier is nothing if not persistent and eventually, geralt accepts his presence begrudgingly

as soon as they enter the town, geralt goes to the town’s square to sell the watches he works on every night (geralt’s a watch maker now cause i said so)

jaskier, on the other hand, goes straight to the notice boards to pull down all the “wanted” posters with his name and face on it

oh there’s a town where some kerack soldiers are staying? haha let’s not go there, actually, geralt, i heard it’s an awful town where time doesn’t matter, they’re not gonna buy your watches. ANYWAYS there’s a better town ten miles away, let’s go there

eventually, though, when geralt’s at the market, some kerack soldiers find jaskier playing at the local tavern and forcefully take him home

he didn’t even get to say goodbye to geralt

back at the palace, he gets a royal berating and is forced back into his role as the crown prince as the castle prepares for the wedding

the day is finally there, the other royal family arrives and the palace is brimming with energy and excitement

jaskier is pushed into a fancy doublet and he’s dragged to the throne room and to his betrothed

the large doors open and the room is filled t the brink with people, a sea of colour against the bleak grey stones

and, at the end of the aisle, looking at him with familiar, amber eyes (though more shocked than jaskier’s ever seen them before)

is geralt

(send me two tropes from this list and a ship and i’ll tell you how i’d combine it in a fic!)

#audience with the king #ask game #Anonymous

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writerofthecourt · 4 years ago

Text

playing d&d with the seijoh third years

warning: some swearing

a/n: inspired by this video here. i’ve never actually played d&d, so i apologize if i got any of the mechanics wrong

the character sheets

[y/n] - the dm (dungeon master)

you were given this job because you were the one most familiar with d&d

much regrets

oikawa - elf!bard

that one player that always wants to flirt with the tavern wenches

probably has some tragic backstory about how he was the prince next in line to rule his kingdom, only to run away from home in order to escape the expectations of his parents or something

iwaizumi - dragonborn!barbarian

he just wanted to make his character look like godzilla

that one player that is actively trying to follow the main storyline while everyone else fucks around

matsukawa - tiefling!rogue

that one dude that plays as the sexy femme fatale character

has an ongoing joke with oikawa that oikawa’s going to marry him by the end of the campaign

doesn’t think that oikawa is good enough to ask for his hand in marriage

(if he had stayed a prince, though)

hanamaki - dwarf!wizard

chaotic

absolutely chaotic

he and oikawa together are just dumb and dumber

the scenario

“you arrive at the abandoned ruins. the smell of mildew permeates through the air as you approach a mossy wall engraved with mystic symbols. turning the corner, you spot the figure of a man. his cape billows in the wind and he-”

“i cast magic missile!” “bro…” “i agree with hanamaki. this suspicious dude needs to die” “mattsun, no! what if he’s friendly?”

it was a lazy sunday afternoon, and everyone had agreed to gather at iwaizumi’s house to play a session of d&d

being the most familiar with the game, you were given the job of dm, something that you were now starting to regret

hanamaki was too bloodthirsty, matsukawa kept trying (and failing) to seduce everyone, and oikawa almost flipped over the table once during an encounter with a travelling merchant because he kept failing his persuasion checks

(some bard he was supposed to be…)

iwaizumi was honestly the only one keeping you sane at this point. at least somebody was showing interest in the elaborate and creative story elements that you were trying to incorporate

“…do you really want to kill him?” “yes” “*sigh* fine, make a stealth check since he doesn’t see you” “you are going to get us killed!” “don’t worry, iwaizumi. we’ll be fineee”

you boredly watch as hanamaki furrows his eyebrows in concentration and rolls his die

“an eight” “we’re screwed” “don’t jinx it, iwa-chan!”

rolling your own die from behind the screen, you stare dead into hanamaki’s eyes as narrate what happens next

“before you are able to cast your spell, the man notices your presence and turns around to menacingly chuckle at your group. ‘so, you’ve figured me out, huh? well, i’ll never let you have the crystal!’ pulling down the hood of his cape, gundir the travelling merchant reveals himself and prepares to attack. roll for initiative”

the table erupts into groans, while oikawa gasps in shock

“gundir, nooooooo” “calm down, trashykawa. it’s just gundir” “but iwa-chan! gundir was our friend, and now we have to kill him?? why is fate so cruel?!” “…anyways”

after everyone rolls for initiative, matsukawa is the first one to go

“what if i charm him with my womanly wiles?” “do you think that’s how women actually talk?” “ummmmm, no?” “no wonder you’re single” “ouch, [y/n]-chan. ouch”

after many more arguments and shenanigans, the battle comes to an end. it goes relatively well, all things considering

“now, oikawa, you’re on your last saving throw. if you don’t get higher than a ten, i’m afraid that your character’s going to die and you’ll have to make a new one” “b-but [y/n]-chan, i haven’t even married mattsun yet!” “good. you don’t deserve me. i’m too good for you”

praying under his breath, oikawa rolls his die as everyone around the table watches in anticipation

…he rolls a two

letting out a yelp of panic, oikawa flips the table over and scatters the papers everywhere

“shittykawa!!!” “iwa-chan, i’m sorry! i panicked—ack!”

you, matsukawa, and hanamaki stare at each other as you all silently agree to never play d&d ever again…at least not with oikawa

in conclusion: damn you, gundir

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #seijoh #aoba johsai #dungeons and dragons #d&d

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kineticallyanywhere · 4 years ago

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I'd love to hear those fusion thots :eyes: the pacific rim ones were V good

If you’ve been around this house for a hot minute you might know that fusion aus are My Entire Jam Garden so you might imagine I’ve already put some thought into this and you would imagine right. The following was brainstormed in consort with @aryashi my second brain.

The basis for this au is that fusion is possible in the forgotten realms and is just a thing people there can do. This also applies to sudden interdimensional travelers.

tl;dr I wrote basically a one-shot’s worth of words down there but in short fusion is rad but also there's an unexpected amount of drama. which is basically a summary of the podcast but replace "fusion" with "fatherhood"

(preface: fusion is not a sex metaphor, just like pacific rim. Platonic fusion is normal. Familial fusion is normal. Okay, continue.)

First inter-dad fusion: “I silence his dumb ass with a kiss” except its “I silence his dumb ass by accidentally fusing our bodies and consiousnesses into a single being w h o o p s”

I like to name fusions as something other than their romantic ship name so let’s call him… o h yeah we named all of Henry’s fusions after animals. So this guy is Hare (like Darryl). Hare is pretty stable from the outside, but their internal dialogues clash really hard so they're incredibly slow to make decisions.

Internally, Henry feels like he's crossed Darryls boundaries. They have to hold it, but he lets Darryl take the wheel and all similar mistakes are made. They make it through the thing with the Lance before unfusing. Darryl has no idea what that was and already has a lot of intimacy issues, so he’s not particularly inclined to try that again for funsies. Henry is curious, but there’s a buried part of him that’s making him deeply unsettled by the whole experience. He can barely have a straight thought about it, much less articulate the feeling, so he doesn’t try. He lets it go.

First sons fusion: When the Lord of Chaos throws back his robe, yelling “Dad! !” it’s a GIANT Lark&Sparrow. They’re like trying to fuse two rubies together, you just get a bigger ruby. This changes a bit later, when the twins start to diverge from each other vis a vis Love Wolfism, but basically the Lord of Chaos is an Oak Twin the size of their dad. But still looks 12. It probably actually takes the Love Wolf speech from Henry and their divergent reactions to get them to unfuse.

Second inter-dad fusion: That other time Henry and Darryl smooched while high on drug flowers. It was very unpleasant, they don’t talk about it, they don’t try that again for a while.

They get a book on fusions from the Library that reads almost like a birds and the bees talk and there is minor culture-shock panicking about whether fusion is Like That, but something in Henry is telling him “No. It’s not Like That.” He doesn’t really know why he’s so solid in that belief. He understands that fusion is unique and powerful and a wonderful thing, but something about doing it is just… getting under his skin.

Third inter-dad fusion: Glenn and Ron. I’m not even sure the exact context or anything. Maybe they were just vibin’. All I really know is that I imagine these two occasionally fuse for the weirdest things, like

Fourth inter-dad fusion: also Glon, fishing magic items out of a giant toilet. They needed to be taller.

Glon is… gosh, what the heck is Glon. Performative out the ass, for sure. Down for basically anything. Allowed to wear bootie shorts.

Back up a hot minute though, because first dad-son fusion: almost happens on the Tower of Terry. It comes so close. They’re in that hug, and Ron thinks maybe if they fuse, the magic won’t take TJ. Or even if it takes them both, that’s better than TJ getting taken alone. They don’t have to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you, son” out loud, but before it really takes, Terry gets ripped away. Because Willy can’t have that, can he?

Fifth inter-dad fusion: is Glon again, but the circumstances are way different because Ron just saw the mummy of his wife and Glenn is trying to help him breeze past it and it works until it doesn’t and they fall apart with Ron a crying mess.

Sixth inter-dad fusion buckle up because we’ve reached Ravenloft. Before dad-fusion 6, Henry gets caught in his dad’s claws. He feels something very familiar and rejects it with everything he has, and escapes to grab Glenn. Then he gets hit by Calm Emotions, Glenn reaches up, trying not to fall, and Henry is already super chill about everything all of a sudden, so when Glenn tries to fuse out of panic, Henry goes for it.

Gila—Henry and Glenn—can do actual bard magic. They’re like Opal, in that a single moment of disconnect is enough to snap them apart and finding that disconnect is not difficult. But when the situation is saving their kids and telling their asshole dads to get lost, that’s plenty enough connection to cast an actual magic-ass thunderwave with a guitar and maybe a bit more.

(Barry didn’t like that.)

So another fun thing about adding this factor to cannon is that this lets the dads have glimpses inside each other’s heads. So certain conversations could change a little bit. For example, in the van while they’re driving away from the Ravenloft fight and Henry’s explaining a few things.

Henry: I don't have a lot of memories from that time in my life— Glenn: Not a lot? Try "not any.” Henry: Glenn— Glenn: Dude, none of my business, but your brain was weird. Henry: Glenn. Glenn: Like did the government get to you when you showed up on earth or— Henry: Glenn what the fff—rick are you even saying just shut up Darryl: …

Darryl had noticed, too, but Glenn has other fusion experience to compare with. Henry could catch glimpses and imprints and trains of thought which ground in different points of Darryl/Glenn’s entire life, and Glenn and Ron can do that equally with each other. But a bunch of things for Henry, if you try to backtrack to where the decision comes from it just. Stops. Especially with using magic, which Glenn got to do. And Henry’s thoughts on fusion end dead hard.

(filtering all of this through Freddie’s headcanon that Glenn always figured Henry was from Faerun but was just wildly wrong about all the details is so much fun)

This is the part in the fic series where there’s a one-shot about Henry having a panic attack just outside of the camp at night, and the most he can explain is just that something about seeing his dad again set him off.

And then we get to a lighter turn for first dad-son fusion but for realsies this time: Ron Stampler nat 20s to hug his son and then also is the son. And that dad. And dads are supposed to be inside to do a ritual for a demon cow.

RJ is the sweetest dude. Also if you don’t sit on him he will wander off and do the most extreme version of the first thing that comes to his mind for a problem solution or release from boredom. And he will not tell you about it in advance, so seriously. Sit on him.

So they stand there for a second like "yes... Yes. Yes... Okay. Im... I'm the dad. But I'm the kid? But im. The dad. And all the other dads are also the kid so... Dad... Trumps kid status. And I'm the dad... Cool." and they go in to help with the demon cow.

The kids are flipping out outside.

Henry spots them and drops the cage, almost like he’s Garnet and just spotted Stevonnie. While all the other dad’s are freaking out/fawning/curious, Glenn lifts their glasses and theres four eyes and he drops the glasses and never mentions this again.

Rj: hi um. I'm a dad.... Yeah. So I'm here tooooooo frickin kill a demon cow let's do this Rj: got the good dad vibes comin out of my butt

For realsies though Terry should be outside, so they unfuse for the cow thing and the bbq but then Dennis happens.

Second dad-son fusion: Dennis: are you sure you've got this? Ron: i can do it TJ: he can DO it dad GIVE ME YOUR HAND

RJ’s an arcane trickster and it’s real cool and Dennis looks so jealous ha ha ha and also they separate after the fight and suddenly Terry’s unsettled and needs to talk to Ron for a second because “Hey Dad is Dennis not real????????”

Third dad-son fusion: is way less eventful, but who the heck can say no to more reasons to cry about the Wilsons at the tail end of the Supper Bowl arc?

Fusion is not a replacement for talking, but it is a bit smoother in communicating emotions. It doesn’t happen until the end of their talk, when Darryl’s got his arm around Grant. I don’t think either of them are super attached to this whole fusion thing, (If Grant is, it certainly wasn’t his dad he’d been thinking about trying it with. Maybe one of the other kids… “maybe Terry.”) so they may not even pick a name. Henry certainly cries at least twice as hard, but when they want to just get something to eat and maybe just hang out for a while, nobody pushes.

I think the most important part of this is that it gives Grant a kind of… emotional break. Lets him feel something nice again— like he does in the show, too, but in a way that’s a bit more stable while it lasts. Like the feeling when you’re a kid on a long car ride with your parents, one that ends in getting home late and you’ve fallen asleep and they carry you out of the car.

Good things for Grant Wilson for til forever.

Somewhere in that arc, though, Glenn approaches Henry by themselves. Glenn’s not really a feelings guy, but whatever’s going on in Henry’s head is a problem. It’s a one-up the o-dads have on them, and they can’t afford that right now.

Glenn: so you like... Really don't hardly remember being a kid? Henry: Glenn, I don't want to talk about it Glenn: I bet your dad's gonna wanna talk about it Henry: well... i don't care what he wants Glenn:... You seriously don't know how you got to earth? Henry: [exasperated] the frick are you-- I got to earth like anyone else, Glenn. You know where babies come from, right? Glenn: of course i fucking know where babies come from. A mommy and a daddy love each other very much and then their kid runs away so hard he skips dimensions Henry: wh-- wait you-- do you think I'm an alien? Glenn: obviously Henry: Glenn that's-- [sighs, rubs his face] Glenn this isn't the kind of time for your conspiracies Glenn: hey as far as I'm concerned, a man who sleeps with an axe under his pillow is a fool every night but one. and you shoot poison from your hands and shape shift into bears

Which adds nicely to the slide of heading to Oakveil next

Henry: y'know what. When we leave here, we can get my kids next. Glenn: your interdimensional kids Henry: to prove to you you're being crazy. Again. Glenn: De Nial is a river man, and we left it back on earth

And one more dialogue bite, because…

Glenn: claim your powers latched onto you from this world all you want. But that language you and your dad spoke, didn't come out of the air, it came out of the door in your head

...fusion means the other dads get to learn about the metaphorical brain door.

This brings us into the most recent arc, heading into Oakveil. He and Ron sneak in, and Beary tells Henry he’s home, and pieces start to click together. Henry’s from this world, so he understands why he’s had such a particular view on fusion and that basic cultural understanding. That it’s considered normal. And that it’s even normal for a kid’s first fusion to be with their parent. Their parent who loves them and knows them wants to see them grow.

Bear Ry’Oak is not that.

First O-dad fusion: Henry’s first fusion was with his dad.

I think the worst thing is that, when fused with his dad, Hen doesn't feel like he's not himself. one of the interesting things about the Oaks is that they're kind of all slight alterations on the same traits. Like as gross as it feels to admit, Beary is just Henry but with the condescension turned up to a billion and his high horse is basically an elephant and no self-awareness or care for how others might have different perspectives from him

But Beary is still so overwhelming to Henry that it just flattens pretty much anything that makes Henry, Henry. Specifically the parts that Barry dislikes. like Henry's anger. To directly quote Aryashi: “Beary thinks using fusion for combat is barbaric. obviously fusion is for Conflict Resolution. Fuse with Beary so he can sort out your disagreement with him!”

(and then bathe in bleach)

So Beary finds them in Oakveil and Henry starts panicking and he tries to Handle Henry like he did when Henry was a kid, fusing with him to stomp down on his feelings to cut a panic attack or outburst off at the pass. If Henry's in no place to fight back it usually works, but if Ron's there--literally pressed against Henry's back--to see the fusion coming, maybe he reaches for a fusion, too, and lets Henry's instincts choose which pull to follow, and Henry's instincts choose Ron.

Seventh inter-dad fusion: Wren is suddenly there before Beary can even start his attempt to coach Henry through breathing (his half-effort to help Henry and be able to say that he tried freakin hate him) and is sitting on the ground and the disgusted look Beary gets seeing this. (Fusing with an outsider is something he considers so beneath his son.)

Beary:... Ah. Ronald. Wren, existing, suddenly, and mostly being Ron's processing power as Henry's mental wheels try to slow down to match Ron's pace (cultivated through a childhood of dealing with Willy) rather than amp them both up: uhm... It's just Ron, actually Beary: would you mind... (there's other people around so he can't say "decontaminating") liberating my son. (as if ignoring the role his son had in choosing this fusion over his) Wren: Henry is uh... (me? Not me? Yes me, not up for this, we should go somewhere else that usually works fine, we can just leave and find the others and that'll be fine) he's good. We're good, we're gonna... (looking at the other people who look like Henry and the "not amping each other up” thing is working less and less) Wren: bye

And then they just stand up and fast-walk away

Wren is either chill af and rolling with every punch or the living equivalent of a coke bottle that you popped a whole roll of mentos in and then closed immediately. At this moment, it’s very much the coke bottle side. Beary lets them go because he knows Henry will be back, and they make it just outside of town to where the others have just shown up before they fall apart.

Ron: We found the door! Darryl: what door? Ron: the one in Henry's head! And all the dads know what he's talking about Glenn: did you open it? Henry: no Ron: a little bit Henry(probably now starting that panic attack): the anchors in there Ron: his dad came out of it Darryl: his dad???????? Henry, vulnerability, Oak: I AM FEELING VERY VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW AND I HATE IT [chorus of mumbled sorrys] Ron: oh also Oakvale is Henry's home Darryl: WHAT Glenn: Uh hey anyone gonna pick up the phone cause I FUCKIN CALLED IT Henry: That's not my home! My home is with Mercedes back on Earth! Glenn: Yeah, this is just where you were born. Henry: Glenn I swear to God-- Glenn: Dude lay off, I was agreeing with you! Home's where the heart meds are and all that jazz Darryl: Wait, you have heart meds? At home? When was the last time you took your heart meds? Glenn: Uhh... not since I came here? It's fiiiiiine. Never felt better! Ron: Not to interrupt but Henry's on the ground breathing funny. Glenn, are you sure you don't have any heart meds? Henry: being hugged by both of his sons in a simultaneous way that is not their normal simultaneous way (i.e. the Lord of Chaos way): WHY ARE MY SONS TALLER THAN ME Glenn: I'm more surprised that they're hugging you Lord of Chaos: to assert dominance! Any moment now, we will turn this hug into a suplex!

And that basically brings us to now? I want a Triple Oak Fusion (the King of Chaos) but with how the fight with Beary went I’m not sure where it’ll go. OH YEAH.

Autumn stopped fusing with Hen even when he was a kid because she couldn’t stand to see how much her son craved the approval of that evil man who stole her life away. And whether or not Henry ever fuses with anyone ever again after finding out he’s got Eldritch in him has gotta be up in the air.

And at this point I could easily be convinced that the next inter-dad fusion is Darryl and Glenn, those beautiful idiots. They could be… Denn. Glarryl? We’ll workshop it.

#jakalboy #dndads #aus #fusion aus #dungeons and daddies #me talking #my writing

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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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March 9, 2021: Orpheus (1950) (Part One)

Greek mythology was my first mythological love.

And yes, that is ironically a very cliché thing to say about Greek mythology, since it’s by FAR the most popular and well-known mythology in the Western world, but...what can I say, I’m a sucker for the classics.

When I was 6, my mom got me a copy of the Odyssey, followed by D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths, and that book was my SHIIIIIIIIIIT. From the Titanomachy to the Trojan War, from Decaulion to Daedalus, from the Lernaean Hydra to Ladon, and from Zeus to Dionysus (my second favorite Olympian), I LOVE Greek mythology.

There have been countless adaptations of these stories over the last century of so, some better and more faithful than others. We got Blood of Zeus (which I...genuinely dislike) on Netflix last year, Lore Olympus is a fantastic webcomic and modernized retelling of the universe of stories in general (fuck Apollo, that’s all I have to say), Hercules by Disney is fun (though extraordinarily inaccurate), and who doesn’t like some Percy Jackson (the books, not the movies)?

Today’s entry won’t be the first of the Greek mythology stories this month; after all, it’s DEFINITELY fantasy, so there were going to be a few entries in here. Some will come pretty close to each other later this month, but for this one, we’re jumping forward 10 years from The Thief of Bagdad to 1950. Let’s get back to France, shall we?

Famous for his adaptation of Beauty and the Beast is Jean Cocteau, legendary French surrealist filmmaker. His stylings definitely capture a sort of practical magic, compounded with clever angles and fascinating visual and practical effects. It’s evident with the classic fairy tale, which I would’ve done this month had I not already seen it. So, instead, we’ll be looking at the middle film in a trilogy known as Cocteau’s Orphic trilogy. This is, apparently, the most important one. And that makes sense, since it’s focused upon...

Is Hadestown good? I’m real tempted to find a way to watch it, and it sounds like it’s just up my alley. I’ll probably check it out one of these days.

Orpheus was (maybe) the son of Calliope, the muse of poetry, and Apollo, god of music. Maybe. Parentage differs based on the retelling. No matter the parents, he was renowned for his charm and grace, as well as his voice and music. He was loved by animals, nymphs, and maidens alike. He was invited to be the Bard of Jason’s DnD group (AKA the Argonauts), and used Bardic Performance to inspire his comrades (and also helped them overcome the sirens by singing EVEN LOUDER).

But the one whom he loved most was his wife, Eurydice. Unfortunately, a satyr (AKA horny horned half-goat man) chased her right into a viper’s nest, where she was bitten and died. Orpheus was CRUSHED, and his song was so depressing that even the gods cried. They said, “Dude, go to the Underworld, get back your lady from Hades, please!” And he did.

Hades, the old romantic that he secretly is, agrees to let Eurydice’s soul, on one condition. That he doesn’t look back at her as she follows him out. Orpheus agrees, but the man can’t stop himself from looking back to make sure that she’s there. And she was...and then she wasn’t. So, our sad boi fucked up, and then...well, it’s spotty.

See, some people say that he stopped worshipping Dionysus (his previous patron), and the wine boi’s female followers tore Orpheus to pieces as punishment. Some say that these same women got a liiiiiiiiiittle too into the Bacchanalia (think orgies, but religious and violent), and ripped him apart in a frenzy. And some say that he only took male lover from then on, and women tore him to pieces for not paying attention to them (also, possible homophobia). You know, it varies. Still, we can agree on the ripped apart by women thing. His head could still sing, and as the women threw his body parts into a river, it sang a song so beautiful that the rocks and branches in the river refused to strike it. His instrument of choice, a lyre, was eventually interred amongst the stars as the constellation Lyra.

The story of a pained artist searching for a lost love and losing her is all over the goddamn place, with the crazy-ass Moulin Rouge being a solid example of it.

But OK, let’s finally begin Orpheus, or Orphée to be more accurate. Gonna be a weird ride, I guarantee it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The story starts with a recap of the original myth, and notes that it doesn’t need to be limited by time and place. This sort of story, after all, could happen anywhere and at any time. And in this case, that time and place are 1950s-era France, where we quickly meet famous poet Orpheus (Jean Marais).

At a café, he meets a friend, the Editor (Henri Crémieux), where they speak on Orpheus’ fame, which is not well-liked in a cafe frequented by poets. Also arriving there is a young drunken poet, Jacques Cégeste (Édouard Dermit), who is accompanied by his patron, known only as...the Princess (María Casares). Come on, guys, can we give our female characters names, please?

Anyway, Jacques quickly gets into a drunken brawl with other patrons, which leads to the arrival of the police at the café. They forcefully arrest him, but before they can, he’s hit by a couple of motorcycles, and potentially killed. The police bring Jacques back to the Princess’ car, with the help of her driver Heurtebise (François Périer). For unknown reasons, she summons Orpheus to help them. He agrees, and goes with them to the hospital.

Or he would be, if they were going there. Instead, as they drive off, Orpheus discovers that Jacques is dead already. They aren’t going to the hospital. Instead, they head to a mysterious mansion, as ominous and oblique poetry plays on the radio. They’re soon accompanied by the men on the motorcycles that killed Jacques, who work for the Princess. The plot fuckin’ THICKENS.

Back at her mansion, they bring the body of Jacques upstairs, much to the confusion of Orpheus, whom the Princess keeps calling stupid whenever he asks questions. However, he’s not proving her wrong, as she immediately convinces him that she’s actually dreaming at the moment. Although...maybe he is?

She sits in front of a mirror, which breaks...somehow. Frustrated, she commands Orpheus to wait there for her to return, as she goes to check on Jacques and her men. Like me, Orpheus is confused. This gets worse for me, though, as the Princess goes to the other room and tells the dead Jacques to get up. AND HE DOES. Well, Jacques’ a zombie, I guess. He identifies the Princess as “his Death”, which she agrees to. She tells him to hold on to her coat, and then...

...I got questions. I GOT QUESTIONS HERE.

They go through the mirror, and the Princess’ henchmen follow, just as Orpheus walks in. He also has questions, and he tries to go through the mirror, to no avail. Completely confused at this point, he passes out against the mirror, alone in the mansion. And then...he’s outside.

Yeah, he’s just outside now, and waiting there is Heurtebise, the chauffeur! Orpheus is freakin’ out, and Heurtebise has no answers for him, but has been told to take him back to town once he...arrived. OK. Still questions.

In town, the disappearance of Orpheus is being discussed by a police inspector, his wife Eurydice (Marie Déa), and her friend Aglaonice (Juliette Gréco). Aglaonice doesn’t seem to like Orpheus very much, as she’s trying to convince Eurydice that he’s cheating on her. And that’s hard to argue, since he was last seen with the Princess. However, just as there’s about to be a scandal reported by a spontaneously appearing journalist, Heurtebise and Orpheus arrive home.

After a rough encounter with the journalist, he arrives home to a relieved Eurydice, and an enraged Aglaonice, whom Orpheus also dislikes heavily. He’s apparently forbidden her from entering his house, and tells her off. The Inspector leaves too, and asks Orpheus to come to his office to discuss the matter of the missing Jacques.

Eurydice reminds Orpheus that Aglaonice is dangerous, as she runs...the League of Women. Well...I think we know what role Aglaonice is going to play by the end of this. Her and her League of Bacchanalian Women, get me? Yikes. Anyway, the conversation turns into an argument, when the EXTREMELY ornery Orpheus basically just storms off, being a DICK to his poor wife. And when he goes upstairs to his room, he actually sneaks out of the window.

Meanwhile, Heurtebise comes into the house to offer an alibi to the pained Eurydice. While she doesn’t quite believe it, the two share some time together and seem to bond. However, when he smells gas from the stove, Heurtebise lets it slip that he committed suicide by using a gas stove. He covers it up before Eurydice notices the slip-up, but...OK. So, “the Princess” is death. Going by the traditional Greek myth, she’s some form of psychopomp, and the world beyond the mirror is the Underworld, I can only assume. OK...I can dig it.

Orpheus, meanwhile, is at the car, listening to the strange radio poetry and writing it down. The, uh, “Princess” is busy as well. Like a ghost, she walks into the household and watches Orpheus as he sleeps. A narration refers to her as Orpheus’ death. Funny, I’m pretty sure that’s going to be Aglaonice’s role.

Two days later, Orpheus is increasingly obsessed with the poetry from the mysterious radio and its odd messages. While Eurydice seems to mock this obsession, Orpheus also seems to be far too enraptured in it. But, interestingly, the messages seem to be coming from nowhere known. However, it’s all beginning to affect their marriage greatly.

On the phone, the Inspector comes calling, and Eurydice asks Heurtebise to answer the phone. He does so, and soon after, we see the phone float into place, as if placed there by a ghost. That’s confirmed as Heurtebise phases to the outside from nothing, where he meets Orpheus and informs him of the message. The two decide to head to the Inspector in his car, rather than the mysterious talking car.

While Orpheus goes through town, looking for the Princess rather than the Inspector, there’s something that I wanted to mention here. Call it an interpretation. Apparently, Heurtebise is often considered an angel by critics and interpreters. However, I’m gonna suggest that he’s actually supposed to be a representation of Hermes, the messenger god and a psychopomp who escorted souls to the Underworld. Not sure about the Princess yet, but Cocteau apparently never meant for her to be portrayed as actual death. Interesting.

Meanwhile, at the Inspector’s office, both Aglaonice and Orpheus’ poet friends (supposedly) are accusing Orpheus of being involved in Jacques’ disappearance. The Inspector turns them away, just as Heurtebise and Orpheus reconvene in town. While Orpheus didn’t find the Princess, Heurtebise says that she came by, saying that he could stay with the married couple for now.

Speaking of the Princess, we see her at night, staring over Orpheus. And her eyes are...strange. They seem artificial, and it bothers the EVER-LOVING SHIT out of me. And the whole affair isn’t helping Eurydice either, as she’s tired of Orpheus’ obsession with the car, and is planning on going to Aglaonice for advice. Heurtebise tries to stop her from doing so, but she insists. But when she goes...the motorcyclists come for her. And she’s dead. As proven when the Princess arrives through the mirror.

Alongside her comes Jacques, acting as the Princess’ servant. She notes to him that their work isn’t easy, and couldn’t be done if she were dressed in the way the humans portray her. So, she is seemingly Death, or at least an aspect of Death. Obviously, as we’re talking about the Greek story, we can assume that she’s meant to be Hades in particular. But, we’ll see. It’s also confirmed, by the way, that the mysterious messages are indeed Jacques’ poetry, recited by him on the radio waves from beyond the grave. Neat.

Heurtebise is clearly upset with what’s just happened to Eurydice. He asks if the Princess actually had orders to kill Eurydice. She avoids the question, and guesses correctly that Heurtebise has fallen in love with Eurydice. He confirms this, and counters with the fact that the Princess has seemingly fallen in love with ORPHEUS. The plot fucking THICKENS.

Good place to pause, I think. Halfway mark and all. See you in Part Two!

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faithylilac · 3 years ago

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The party party part 4

Cj and Carter were sitting by a tree, a bit away from the rest of their group. Carter was quietly saying “Nyah” over and over, rocking themselves back and forth. Poor CJ didn’t know what to do to calm them down. “Carter, sorry if this seems rude. What would you do if we stumble upon some very evil dude with a stupid mustache and a cat?” The goddess asked her nymph friend. Carter stopped sobbing and look at her with a straight face, “cry.”

But unbeknownst to them, the large group was coming up from behind them. “Hey Carter, look at this looser!” Dax appeared with a knocked out monk in A baby carrier on his back. Carter starts screaming and climbs up the tree. “Crap, did the paper bag fall of?” The god ask, trying to look behind him. “I got it.” Cj stomps at the ground and a giant tulip appears. She snips off the bulb and shoves it down on the cat boy monk’s head. “Ok Carter, scary Nyah Nyah boy is gone now!” Cj shouted from the base of the tree. Carter then jumped down from the tree and looked completely fine and not as if he was crying for twenty minutes.

Carter seemed to have calmed down completely, even though all they did was shove a flower on a passed out cat boy. Faithy, Echo, and the two new guest finally caught up with everyone and Faithy was hyped. “Cj, Carter! You gotta meet Jo and Ash! They’re gonna show us how to get to the nearest village.” Faithy announced, but ummmmm she forgot something.

“Yeah, I’m Jo, that’s Ash.” The taller one intruded herself and stuck her hand out for Carter to shake it. Carter screamed in her face and ran back up the tree. “CARTER! YOU WILL COME DOWN AND APOLOGIZE!” Faithy screamed at him, just causing him to screech uncontrollably. Faithy turned to Ash and Jo and smiled sweetly. “I’m sorry for his behavior, and I’m sorry for mine.” Without a moment to question what she said, she pulls out her mace and starts hacking at the tree.

Ash and Jo looked over to the other party members, out of fear? Eh, mainly confusion. But judging by their expressions, this was a normal Tuesday. They look back the priestess and she’s gotten through most of tree and kicks it down. Carter was in fact screaming the whole time, but it got louder as the tree fell with him in it. It made a loud clash and the two conscious cat people reconsider their life choices.

“Faithy, you could have just asked me to come down.” Carter said as he got up unscathed. “Sorry, my bad dude.” Faithy replied as she dust herself off.

“Now apologize to our new friends.” Carter apparently forgot they were there and start screaming yet again. But he was screaming so much his throat ran dry and started choking on his own saliva and passed out. Yes that’s how that works— I DON’T CARE WHAT GOOGLE SAYS.

“Dax, do we have another baby carrier?” Echo asked. “Yeah, but I’m already carrying Mr Ed Sheeran jr.” Dax shook about and the monk’s limbs just flopped around. “Dang, I would carry Carter, but my shoes don’t have the support for it.”

“I mean, can’t you just leave him on that conveniently placed pole right there?” Cj spoke up while pointing at a weird pole sticking out of the ground. They all nodded, and Dax went to stick the monk on the pole.

“Anyway, sorry about Carter. They’re highly afraid of cats for some reason. We haven’t unlocked that part of his backstory yet.” Faithy explained to their new friends. They just nod, not sure what to do. They’re just afraid because they’re gonna be stuck with these lunatics for a while.

After a few hours, they all arrive at a town. With hope in her eyes, Faithy looks for an inn, hoping to skip a tavern this time around, as that normally gets the group into trouble. Behold! The first thing she lays her eyes on is a sign that says, “completely empty inn that’s super cheep that can house your family of 7!” Hopefully no crazy bald man screams about family while they’re there.

“Ok. So, I need a room for my precious family of seven. How can I acquire such a luxury?” The priestess asked the innkeeper. Of course it was the inn keeper, it would be really awkward if that was a random guest...... Dax was doing that on the other side of the room. He was very surprised when Faithy was able to acquire a room and he wasn’t.

They all pile into the room which had 7 beds, which is weird cause you’d think the parents would share one— but good for this inn for making accommodations for single parents. “Ok. What do we do now? Carter is passed out and you’ve banned us from going to the pub.” Cj asked, it was pretty much on everyone’s minds. Faithy eyes went wide, she forgot to actually explain crucial details.

“OKAY! Echo, please wake up Carter and we’ll get this party started.” Echo got up and went over to bed Dax threw him down on and leaned over him. Echo looked rather princely today, maybe it was going to wake it’s love with true love’s kiss? No, cause kissing unconscious people without their consent is weird and creepy and not romantic so don’t do it. “Carter wake up, there are seals.” The nymph immediately shot up and nearly smacked echo in the head with his own.

“Ok, I was lied to. Echo I can’t believe you... actually I can, I just don’t like this current situation.” Carter replied. Echo quickly scooped him up in it’s arms and carried the nymph over to the others. “Dang, Carter coming in style. But alas, no one wishes to carry me!” Dax said dramatically. The blue boy and the goth wizard just roll their eyes and sit down.

“OKAY! So I’ve been lacking in the leader department as of late so.... after this meeting, someone else is getting the leader stick.” Faithy announced. Of course that kinda confused half the people there, man imagine almost doubling your group in a day. “Anyway. I’ll let Jo and Ash explained who they are, then Cj, and I guess it would be polite if the people that have been together for more than a day explain ourselves.” She explained. Everyone seemed chill with that arrangement.

Jo stood up, with her cloak still on. “Hi, so my name is Jo— some people call me Jojo, kinda bizarre if you just add on to my name to make a nickname... anyway...” she then pulled out a map. “Ash is traveling musician and I’m his protection. Anyway, he is going to preform for the sacred protector of Bees up north.” Jo explained while outlining their rout on the map.

“Apparently she’s getting married or something.” Ash cut in and Jo nodded. “Anyway, your leader realized you will be heading north for a while and decided traveling in a big group would be beneficial for everyone.” The bard explained.

“Perfect! Anyway, Cj, your turn. A lot happened since we met, I don’t think we remember much of what you told us.” Faithy said, trying to move things along.

A big weight fell off Cj’s chest. She knew she said things about herself that she’s shouldn’t have, it was a relief on her part. “Well, I have a good relationship with plant life. They will help me out when I call on them or when I don’t... the plants tend to sense when I’m in distress.” She explained as she conjured a vine to come closer that was peaking from the window.

“But I also ran a flower shop that I inherited from— my grandmother... yes her... well she was like a grandmother to me.” Cj quickly shut down, feeling as if she had said too much.

“Anyway, I know everyone is dying to know about me! Hi I’m Echo, I’m super hot I know. I kinda just tuned into lizards. I tried the bug thing, I hated it and went back to lizards cause they’re super cool and swaggy.” Echo said dramatically. “And don’t feel like you have to stay with one kind of magic! What do you need themes for? That’s super mega lame— it’s pretty sussy baka moment.”

Ahhhhh Echo, never failed to speak it’s mind. It’s an inspiration to us all, making people wanting to be their true selves— NO IM NOT PROJECTING... Echo is just an honest person that will tell you when it is adventuring out with others instead of being like “oh yeah, I got to go to sleep”

“I’m Carter, I’m blue, I like seals.” Carter got straight to the point I guess. “Also if someone looks rich, they won’t be much longer. Hehe knifes.”

Faithy just blinks at him slowly. She sighs, just grateful he isn’t screaming at the cat people.

“Hey mortals, I’m Dax, I’m also God. Right now I can sense the nararator wants to make a stupid joke, but they know I would kill them if they did.” Dax piped in. Wait a diddly darn minute, why would I want to make the joke “Dax the—“

“I would tell the tale of how I stumbled across my current favorite mortals, but it’s just not as fun when there aren’t any drunk people around.” Dax took a lean back in the chair that just randomly appeared and started dozing off.

“Hi, I’m Faithy.” The priestess simply ignored her friend and went on. “I was left at the temple as a baby, very generic I know. Anyway, someone left what I thought was a delicious lasagna in my office, so I decided to chow down. What I didn’t know was that was the sacred offering of one the most important nights of the year.... anyway I’m on the run from a whole religion....” she sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest.

At one point I wasn’t sure I was gonna get this far with this story, But here I am! Who do you think the new leader should be? Idk, I haven’t thought that far ahead.

Masterlist

#friendfiction #the party party #original story #cottage core goddess might fight chaos god???#family of seven #found family #cat boys #cat girl #blue boy is terrified of hot people I guess #oh and is scared of Ed sheeran I guess

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empressofthesunwriter · 1 year ago

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The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Welcome to the semi-last and longest chapter!

We will have a little epilog after that and then start with book two”

I hope you will enjoy it.

Chapter 16: Let’s fighting Love!

The Dark Fortress of Clyde looms in the background as King Kyle and I stand before our people and alias.

This…this is the Endgame.

We all feel it in the air.

Dramatically wind makes our clothes and hair sway as King Kyle speaks: “Today, we are not elves and humans! Today... we fight as ONE!”

“Years later from now on, children will talk and sing about our heroic effort to defeat the Dark Lord Clyde!”, I add. “Let us besiege the army of darkness with the courage of amazons! Let us delve into their dungeon with swords and sorcery!”

“Let us charge our shields and use photon torpedos to vaporize the Klingons!”

A record scratches formally.

I just blink at Kevin Stoley, the one I found the IPad of his dad by the church, returning it to him.

I’m not sure what to say.

For once in a lifetime Cartman interference is welcome. He standing beside Leo, facepalming.

“Kevin, god dammit. Every fucking time, Kevin. God fucking dammit, seriously.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay.”, I get my bearings back and wave. “Armies of justice and light! PREPARE! Are you ready?!”

I hear loud yeses and agreeing shouts.

“Then... let's kick Clyde’s ass!”

Like an unstoppable tidal wave, we storm the front door of Clyde’s home, while his dad stands beside it, staring at us in confusion.

We enter the garden and the epic battle begins!

It was early on decided that me, King Kyle, Princess Kenny, Lady Tammy, Paladin Leo, Bard Jimmy, and Wizard Fatass would take care of Clyde.

Ranger Stan of course too, but for the moment he helped the Pirates, led by Maplebeard, who is a cute Canadian kid and King Kyle’s brother, get us inside the fortress from outside, while we storm it from the inside.

We battle, we solve riddles, and we climb the tower higher and higher.

Craig awaits us with three Nazi Zombie cows, but we can take away two.

The thief and his cow were nothing.

Ranger Stan joins us now and we continue on.

Clyde has to be in the next room!

But surprise, surprise waiting for us is…

“Dad? What the hell are you doing here?”, asks Stan Mr. Marsh.

“Oh! It's my favorite kid!”, yells Mr. Marsh and kneels down before me. Dude…that’s so not okay to say this when your son is standing right there! “Listen, I found out what they were doing at the women's clinic! They were looking for a candidate to put a snuke into! They're going to nuke ALL OF SOUTH PARK!”

“A snuke?”, repeats King Kyle shocked.

We all feel this too.

That’s so not good at all.

“You boys and girls don't understand. They've put the snuke HERE.”

Even better!

“Who did?”

“Whomever these people are CLAIMING to be Taco Bell! We should've known. We should have known Taco Bell is far too compassionate and caring to be so secretive. The quality of their character, like the quality of their food, should have never come into question.”

“Dad, where is the woman with the snuke?”

“They didn't put it in a woman.”

Mr. Marsh leads us to the person.

It’s Mr. Slave!

He is bonded on a pillar without pants, but thank god his tank top cowers his privates.

Another trauma I don’t need.

“All I remember was that there were these big government guys, and they wrestled me to the floor at my house! And then I remember thinking, well this is fun, but wait, is that a thermonuclear device?”, tells us Mr. Slave what happened to him. “I had some drinks so putting a thermonuclear device up my ass wasn't COMPLETELY out of the question... oh Jesus Christ, how long do I have?!”

“We don't know, Mr. Slave, but it could be a matter of MINUTES.”, answer him, Mr. Marsh.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Pull it out!”

Mr. Slave turns his behind in our direction.

What the fuck?!

It’s not like we can just pull it out of the ass!

But this shows how stupid Cartman actually is because he tries.

TRIES, in big letters, since Kyle slaps his hand away.

“No! We can't just pull it out! Snukes have triggers on them! We have to abort it -- from inside.”

“Oh COME ON! Who knows how to do abortions AND can get really really small?”, counters Fatass.

…I don’t like where this is going.

All beside Tammy have now a thinking face going on, asking who could do this, while we two girls argue non-verbal.

Tammy really wants me to get small, climb in Mr. Slaves’ ass and abort the snuke.

I make clear I don’t wanna do this fucked up shit and if this is so important, she can do it.

It goes like this for a few seconds, till Tammy makes at me the best puppy dog eyes and puckers her lips at me.

…I’m a thirsty hoe…if she really will give me a kiss…oh god…I’m actually doing it!

Gritting my teeth I step forward but grip Tammy by the hand and before she can make it clear that she doesn’t want to join me, I shrink us both.

“Oh, look! The girls are all small.”, points out Mr. Slave.

“Wow, this kid is just FULL of surprises! Quick! Get up there and disarm the snuke! Hurry!”

“No need to tell us twice, Mr. Marsh!”, I call back and formally drag Tammy with me.

“Oh, be careful girls. I might have also put some bats up there the other night.”, warns Mr. Slave.

Tammy gives up and faces her destiny.

She knows without me she can’t grow big again, so she is stuck anyway.

So…yeah we enter a man’s body through his asshole.

Ladies and gentlemen we didn’t reach the Fucked-Up-Meter, we completely obliterated it!

“I hate you so much right now!”, growls Tammy at me.

“Hey, you wanted me to go up this ass! Do you really think I would go alone? Someone has to suffer with me.”, I simply say.

“Fucking shit! Let’s get this over with!”, angry she follows the anal channel? Is it called so? “Next time you take one of your boy toys.”

“They didn’t promise me a kiss.”

I follow after her.

“I regret that too.”

We don’t go far since…a frog with a crown stops us?

What?

What does Mr. Slave put in his ass?

“New Kid and follower, you must find a way out of this place or you will surely die.”, tells us this Frog King. “The way behind you is blocked by the large sphincter. Make haste to the large intestine! All will be made clear to you then!”

Geez, thanks for that information you strange thingy.

Tammy and I side-eye each other and then shrug our shoulders.

Whatever let’s go.

As we make our way through Mr. Slaves’ ass I could swerve someone is singing a song for me about this adventure.

Maybe I have gone gaga.

After what I experienced these days and now this, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Also, Mr. Slave has a lot of things up his ass.

Like a creepy hand puppet with a Zylinder, corn, and even his own phone.

I don’t have words for all this literary shit.

We kill some Nazi Zombie Bacteria, because of course, why shouldn’t he have this up his ass also, free the bat Mr. Slave warned us, as we encounter another spectral being.

It’s a bird.

“I am the Sparrow Prince.”

A sparrow.

Sure, why not?

I already lost all hope in humanity.

“Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place. Now you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward. I know I don't really sound that angry, but trust me, I am.”

Of course, we need to battle it.

OF COURSE!

The battle is tough I won’t lie, but Tammy and I are unstoppable together.

We defeat the Sparrow Prince.

“You have proven yourself in combat, young anal plaything. You may journey forth. Find the snuke's trigger and save the outside world. Fare thee met and fare thee well.”

And…he is gone.

Tammy rubs her forehead.

“I will need lots of therapy after this whole shit.”

“Yeah, I was planning an making an appointment next week, wanna come with me?”

Sick of all this we continue on.

Okay, I admit it’s a bit of a surprise finding soldiers guarding Mr. Slaves’ asshole.

“Armed guards? What are they doing here?”, wonders the Frog King.

He and the Sparrow Prince appeared at our sides.

“Whoever seeks to blow up the city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them.”

“You must get past them, New Kid. Go fuck ‘em up.”

“No need to tell me twice.”

Did I really talk with the two spectral beings?

God, when is this finally over?

Tammy and I defeat the soldiers and finally there is the fucking snuke!

We are so close to ending this!

A new spectral being appears before us.

It’s some kind of fish. Since he lives in a gay man, does it make it a gay fish?

“Hello, New Kid. I... am Catatafish.”

Catatafish of the stomach's cove.

There is again the singing!

“The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you. I have tried to solve its riddle, but I have been unable to disarm it.”

Catatafish riddle will soon be told.

“There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost.”

“Ready to abort this thing?”, ask me, Tammy.

“Let’s get this bread!”

One good thing, aborting the snuke is not as creepy, sick, and disgusting as the other one I did today.

As thank you for the successful abortion Mr. Slave sneezes me and Tammy out of his body.

Well, the mouth is better than the way we came in at least. The three spectral beings who live in Mr. Slaves’ ass appear again, thank me and gift me a crown.

I wait till they vanish to throw it away.

I don’t wanna know where it was and I want to forget all this ever happened.

I make Tammy and myself grow big again.

“Great job!”, praises Mr. Marsh. “You disarmed the snuke. South Park is saved.”

We, girls, give a tired thumbs up.

“Yes. Now let's finish this, bitch. Let's beat Clyde once and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!”

“Cartman I warn you, my tolerance is really low right now. If you don’t want that I fucking kill you, stop insulting me!”

This shuts him up or maybe my crazy death serious look and our group moves forward to finally face Clyde.

We enter his dark throne room.

Clyde is standing beside a container with the Nazi Zombie goo.

“Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!”

“Clyde! Back away from that stuff!”, warns Stan.

“Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!”

“Stop! Clyde!”, plead King Kyle. “You have no idea what that stuff is!”

“Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site.”

“Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce.”, informs Stan.

“Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?”

“It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?”, tells him Cartman.

“Actually, since about a year ago.”, answer him King Kyle, like Fatass asked this really and it wasn’t a rhetorical question.

Me and Tammy roll our eyes as the boys talk about this green sauce of Taco Bell and Clyde being all triumphal since he thinks it’s really this green Taco Bell sauce and not the alien goo.

“Oh my god, can you all stop!”, I shout, losing my nervs. “I crawled up a gay man’s asshole to abort a fucking snuke! I just wanna take a long bad and go to bed and try to forget all this shit. Clyde as the current queen of Kupa Keep give me the fucking Stick of Truth back or I will come over and kick you so hard in the balls that you will talk the rest of your life in a high-pitched voice!”

All the boys make a face at my threat, while Tammy nods in agreement.

“And I will kick too, when she is done!”, she promises.

Clyde is battling for a second with himself, you can clearly see it, but having the Stick of Truth gives him balls.

“You can try, but I have a little surprise for you!”

He lets the green goo flow into a coffin.

…Okay, why didn’t I see it before?

The person who lies in the coffin punches a hole through it and sits up.

It’s a…Nazi-Zombie Chef who sings: “I'm gonna make love to you womannnn...”

All my friends scream, while I just have a WTF-Face.

While we fight him, my friends tell me that he was once the Chef of Elementary School and a good friend of theirs.

Makes me sad for them, that they have to fight their friend.

In the end, Clyde is not happy with Chef’s performance as Nazi Zombie and fucking lits him on fire!

Since I don’t have another choice I send a Dragenshout at him, putting him to rest again.

Now Clyde knows he is fucked and tries to escape, but Fatass blocks him.

“Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!”, growls Fatass.

“Um, okay, um, you know what, I'm not playing anymore.”, whines Clyde.

Hah, in the end, he is a little pussy.

“You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that I banish thee. I banish thee...from SPACE AND TIME!”

With that Cartman Sparta kicks Clyde away. He flies off the balcony to the ground below.

Fuck yes, it’s over!

Finally!

“We did it dude!”, shouts Stan happy.

King Kyle turns to me and takes my hands in his.

I blush like a tomato. Doesn’t help that Tammy wiggles her eyebrows at me.

“Dark Magician Queen N.K., your long journey ends here. For all your deeds, and all your time put into this, we all agreed-“

“-Hesitantly-“, calls Cartman in between with a deadpan look, but doesn’t stop it what is happening right now.

“-We all agreed that you shall be the ruler of us all! From now on you will be Dark Magician Empress N.K., the rightful ruler over Zaron and Larnion. Over humans and elves!”

I gasp shocked, while all applaud me, beside Cartman, who just rolls his eyes, but I don’t care.

I don’t care!

They made me Empress, ruler of all the kingdoms!

I can’t.

I look at Tammy and she nods.

Now I know why she said I should bring this along with me…

“Give us a sec!”, tells Tammy, the boys.

We hide together behind a pillar.

Tammy helps me to take off my Dark Magician Girl Cosplay and put on another one.

In my new cosplay I step back to the boys.

All gasp in wonder and I smile prettily.

“Neo Queen Serenity!”, claps Princess Kenny excitedly. “Even with her silver hair!”

Oh god, does this mean, Kenny is a Sailor Moon Fan?! Cool!

I curtesy before my people.

“I will be the best Empress to you and all residents of Zaron and Larnion.”, I promise.

“Quickly, now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can do –“

King Kyle can’t even finish his sentence as helicopters appear. From every corner soldiers come…even Eye-Patch-Grandpa is with them!

“We've got her, we've got the Dragonborn.”, shouts Eye-Patch-Grandpa.

Erm…what?

I have suddenly a bad feeling in my stomach.

“The Dragonborn?”, repeats Fatass confused. “What the -- who, what?”

“You can’t run away this time Dragonborn!”, declares Eye-Patch-Grandpa and picks up the Stick of Truth!

“He has the Stick of Truth!”, yells Fatass.

King Kyle turns to me.

“How does this guy know you, Dark Magician Empress N.K.?”

I…I can’t answer him…I’m shaking…I feel like throwing up!

“N.K.?”, whispers Tammy worried, and takes one of my cold hands in hers.

“Dark Magician Empress N.K.? Is THAT what you told them your name was? Why didn't you tell them your REAL name – CODENAME: DOVAHKIIN!”

I…I breath heavy…I’m so…so scarred…flashes are before my eyes…flashes of this man…of these man hunting me!

Even Kyle sees now that I’m ready to freak out and takes my other hand in his.

“N.K., what’s wrong?”

I just grip Tammy and Kyle’s hands tight. I can’t speak! I’m so terrified.

“You don't remember, do you?”, asks Eye-Patch-Grandpa. Well, not really. “How we tried to find you?”

“Look, that Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron!”, makes Stan clear to him. “Give it back!”

“Fighters of Zaron? Boys and girls what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed on Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico...”

“Oh, god.”, groans Wizard Fatass.

“Oh, brother, spare us.”, begs Stan annoyed.

“Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency.”

“Can we skip this? Like, hit the skip button or something?”, wonders Cartman.

“Oh, you don't want to skip this.”

“Yes, we do.”

“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is...until eleven years ago a certain child was born.”

“Yawn yawn yawn.”

“A child who had an unnatural power inside her. I had been ordered by the President to turn her into an even more powerful weapo, than she already was. So we experimented on her and were successful. The ultimate weapon! But thanks to her parents she slipped through our hands.”

“The government wants the N.K. for her farts?”, say’s Kyle in disbelieve.

“That's dumb.”, adds Stan.

“Her farts? No. Her amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. The day she was born she already had 10 million followers on Facebook. Before she was 5 years old she had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gifts for your country.”

“Is he really still talking?”, asks Cartman done with everything.

“Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?”

“…What about my Magical Girl form?”, I finally found my voice again and…I remember…slowly but surely… ”Is this the result of the experiments you did on me?”

“Ah yes, they are. We wanted you to have extra powers to protect you from any kind of harm. Your social media powers are too valuable to be lost by your early death, so we genetically modified you. It was a success, but instand of using it for your country, you use them to get away from us. You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across. And yet all you seem to really care about... is this.”

Eye-Patch-Grandpa holds the Stick of Truth high above his head.

“It must be very important. What does it do?”

Cartman rolls his eyes.

“Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass.”

“Yeah, stupid.”, adds Stan.

“Controls the... but then... I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could.”, laughs Eye-Patch-Grandpa. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAA! I control the universe! Get back. BACK I SAY! ALL OF YOU! I can do anything. ANYTHING I WANT! AHAHAHA!”

Oh my god, he get’s naked!

I throw up a bit in my mouth.

“I no longer need YOU, Dovahkiin... I control the UNIVERSE!”

He runs away and we after him.

Clueless he waves the Stick of Truth around.

“Er ... damn thing! How does it work? Show me how it works!”, Eye-Patch-Grandpa demands.

“Yeah, right.”, scoffs Stan.

“Dovahkiin, why should we be on opposite sides? Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule... and you can have THIS all to yourself, FOREVER.”, he tries to butter me up. “I can offer you all! Just get me safely out of here, you can rule with this once again.”

“After all you did to me and my family? Hunting us down from one end of the USA to the another?”, I scream and point at him. “You think I would rule with you?! News flash asshole, you can suck my dick and I will stay with my friends!”

All my friends let out agreeing sounds.

Suddenly Princess Kenny steps forward.

Huh?

“Dude, where're you going?”, asks Kyle what we all think.

Princess Kenny just calmly walks up to Eye-Patch-Grandpa and…takes the Stick of Truth from him?!

She lets out an evil laugh.

We all gasp shocked.

“Princess Kenny!”, shouts Wizard Fatass.

“Top Ten most shocking anime betrayals of all time!”, I can’t help but say this.

I’m just…what?

Why?

“At least one of you has some sense.”, says Eye-Patch-Grandpa smugly.

“You'd sell us all out?”, ask King Kyle in a rhetorical fashion.

“But why, Princess Kenny?”, wants Stan to know, like we all.

Suddenly motherfucking Morgan Freeman appears and explains: “Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves. You see when humans and elves lived together in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar - the first one to possess the Stick of Truth. They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved was killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited... and plotted... all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is the true heir to the Stick of Truth.”

“Wow, that's pretty cool.”, admins Cartman.

“Just one thing, Morgan Freeman.”, turns King Kyle to the famous actor. “How come every time something convoluted needs explaining you show up?”

“Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle.”

And there is the freckle he talked about.

Princess Kenny looks at me and holds a hand out.

“Beautiful N.K., join me. We will rule together over Zaron and Larnion as it should be. As powerful queens! Be my wife!”

All gasp, while my mouth meets the floor and I blush crimson red.

If this is not a declaration of love, then I don’t know what else could be.

“H-Hold on!”, intercedes King Kyle and stands before me. He goes down on one knee, taking my hand. “Don’t listen to Princess Kenny! Stay with us! Stay with me! I actually wanted to ask you this in private but…please would you give me your hand in marriage? I know you are already Empress, but nothing would honor me more than be your husband.”

Even more shocked gasps and I turn so red it needs a new name.

“Damn girl, two proposes in one day, you are a legend.”, whisper-shouts Tammy at me with a proud smile.

I send her a look, before I look from Kyle to Kenny and back from Kenny to Kyle.

Oh dammit, what should I do?

They both made clear they want me!

…There is only one way.

I take my hand back from Kyle and step closer to Tammy.

I shake my head.

“I can’t be neither be your queen Kenny or your wife Kyle.”, I begin and look at the floor. Tammy wraps an arm around my shoulders. “And…not why because I don’t like you…the true is…I like you both equally and that’s not fair to either of you…”

After my confession it’s still for a few seconds before Fatass has to say what he thinks: “Thirsty hoe.”

I just look and point at him.

“You got me there.”

Princess Kenny sends me a sad look but doesn’t use the Stick of Truth to command that I shall be on her side. She just turns and runs away from us.

“Princess Kenny, come back here!”, shouts Fatass after her.

We all run after her and Eye-Patch-Grandpa. We conor them on a high platform.

This feels like the true final boss fight.

“Give us the Stick, Princess Kenny. You don't want to go down like this, brah.”, warns Wizard Fatass her.

Our traitor’s Princess just mumbled something we don’t understand and I shit you not we all see an anime opening starring her.

Okay, first Leo with his anime dude power, and now this?!

Where can I learn this shit?

More time to think I don’t have since we all need to kick Princess Kenny’s ass.

Together we beat her easily.

“It's all over, Princess Kenny. The thirsty hoe is too powerful for you.”

“I swerve to god Cartman, you may be right, but stop it, or I kick you in the balls!”

But Princess Kenny is not done with us. Even Stan and Kyle begging her not to do it doesn’t stop her to drink the alien goo turning her into…

“Aaagh! Nazi zombie Princess Kenny!”, screams Fatass.

“Fuck!”, adds King Kyle.

With an angry shout, the Princess storms us.

I don’t know how long we fight.

We kill her, only for her to come back again!

It doesn’t stop!

“She doesn't stay dead! We can't beat her!”, cries Stan.

“Dude, we're fucked! There's no way!”, agrees King Kyle with him.

“There is one way. We're gonna have to break the Gentlemen's Code.”, tells Cartman.

….Oh hell no! I will not do this! Forget it!

Before anyone can do or say something I step forward.

“N.K?”, calls questionly Tammy.

“Let me handle this…there is another way…”

“Oh really and what one Douchebag?!”

“THIS!”, I shout.

I let the energy flow through my whole being transforming me in my Magical Girl form. This time even with music and end pose!

I flick one of my long pink pigtails, pointing at Princess Kenny, while the others, besides Tammy, are in awe.

“Let’s see who is the better anime princess, my lady!”

We both face off against each other.

My golden light attacks hit her strong and fast. They are the perfect weapon against her Nazi-Zombieness.

Again she falls, but before she can revive herself again, I call for my Magical Girl Wand.

It’s actually the Katana I could finally buy from Jimbo, but in my hands, it transforms into a sword-like wand.

“Holy Light Sword Cut Healing Session!”, I shout my attack.

It hits Princess Kenny!

All geta swarmed over in a brilliant white light. The light heals all the Nazi Zombies and restores all that is broken/destroyed.

Who needs Miraculous Ladybug?

I can with my wand attack and heal in one!

As the sun raises above South Park all is good again….

I’m detransformed, back in my Neo Queen Serenity Cosplay, and hold into Tammy’s arm.

I’m tired and outpowered by this whole fucking night we have lived.

We are with Cartman, Ranger Stan, and King Kyle at Stark Ponds.

The sun’s rays reflected beautifully on the water’s surface.

“You guys sure about this?”, asks us, Kyle.

“There's no other way.”, tells him Cartman.

“It drove our friend to madness and nearly killed us all.”, reminds us, Stan.

I sign.

“Do it Grand Wizard let this be the end of the Stick of Truth.”

I’m surprised Fatass listens to me, he really doesn’t can’t argue with me over that, now can he, and throws the Stick of Truth into the deeps of Stark Ponds.

To be never seen and used again.

This is for the best.

We stand in silence for a few seconds till Cartman asks: “So what do you guys wanna play now?”

“How about Dinosaur Hunters?”, suggests Stan.

“Or Pharaohs and Mummies!”, is Kyle’s idea.

“Let's ask Douchebag!”, surprisingly Cartman says. “What do you wanna play next, bitch?”

Tammy and I stare at them, then at each other, and then back to them.

“…..I think I will go to bed. I’m tired as fuck. Wanna sleepover Tammy?”

“Yes, thank you. Let’s take a bath before we go to bed. I need to wash away this fucking night.”

I nod in agreement and we girls turn to walk away.

With my back to them, I wave at the three boys.

“Bye Kyle and Stan and screw you Cartman!”

I can hear how Cartman says: “Wow. What a dick.”

“To you not to us.”

“Yeah, the Empress likes me and has admitted to having a crush on the king.”

“Screw you guys, I’m going home!”

We, girls, look at each other and shake our heads.

Boys!

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itmighthavebeenintentional · 5 years ago

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ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Supernatural Stories

Shackled After nearly ten years, Sam Winchester calls Miriam Bard to collect on a life debt. Unfortunately for Miriam, Sam leaves out a few important details.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Miriam Bard (original female character), Sam Winchester, Castiel Rating: EXPLICIT. 18+ONLY. PLEASE READ/HEED WARNINGS. Warning: Warnings change each chapter, please check every time. Ch 1 Warnings: Implied loss of family, grieving, depression, cursing, Demon!Dean, Sam’s tendency to leave out vital details for folks helping him to save Dean (read: Sam’s tendency to be a Winchester)

...

Walk Me Home Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground. Inspired by P!nk’s “Walk Me Home.” A birthday present for the incomparable @thoughtslikeaminefield.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Dr. Kimberly Harper (original female character), Mysterious Big Bad, mention of Garth Fitzgerald, John Winchester/Teenage Dean/young Teenage Sam (flashbacks) Rating: Mature.. 18+ONLY. PLEASE READ WARNINGS. Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning. ...

Dear Mr. Fantasy Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes. Inspired by Traffic’s “Dear Mr. Fantasy” and the header image; prompt given by @thoughtslikeaminefield. @cabin-fever-bang prompt fill.

Characters: Dean Winchester, AU Dean Winchester, original female character, Sam Winchester; mentions of Castiel, Chuck, AU John Winchester, AU Sam Winchester, and AU Danny Elkins Rating: Teen Warnings: SEASON 15 SPOILERS, bit of angst. ...

To My Soul You’ve taken to walking when insomnia strikes. Dean and Sam have their own means of dealing with their occasional insomnia. Every now and then, your paths cross. Inspired by Van Morrison’s “And It Stoned Me”. Image by @there-must-be-a-lock

Characters: Reader, Sam Winchester, mentions of Dean Winchester Rating: Most anyone. Warnings: Some loneliness. This story is very soft, there’s not much to warn about. ...

Detours on the Road So Far - OR - Why Sam and Dean Need Actual Adult Supervision Shenanigans. Lots of them. Probably some pie. THIS IS CRACK FIC.

Characters: Our main dudes. Some friends, frenemies, and various other entities. Rating: Range from Teen to Adult, changes each chapter. WARNINGS CHANGE WITH EACH CHAPTER. READ/HEED WARNINGS FOR EACH CHAPTER. ADULT THEMES THROUGHOUT, SOME ADULTIER THAN OTHERS. ...

The Rose “She’s fifty today, and in Dean’s opinion, there’s never been anyone more beautiful.” An alternate Dean reflects on the life he’s led. Sequel to “Dear Mr. Fantasy.”

Characters: An Alternate universe Dean (no, not that one), his wife (original female character or female reader, depending on how hard you stare at it), mentions of Sam, John, vague reference to Chuck. Rating: Most anybody can read this one. Warnings: SEASON 15 SPOILERS, bit of angst. Honestly, it’s pretty sweet. ...

Crossword Clues and Coffee A chance encounter in Lebanon’s finest (read: only) diner leads Dean to find the one thing he never knew his life was missing.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Esther (original female character), Sam Winchester, Castiel Rating: Most anyone. Maybe a smattering of language. Warnings: Tiny bit of language? Angst. LOTS of sass. Honestly, it’s a lot of fluff. No romance. ...

I’m Ready “I can’t...I can’t take my forever if you’re not in it.” A Destiel story, eventually. Picks up right where the show left off. Not technically a fix-it, as I didn’t change anything, but I promise it gets better.

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel. Many Original Characters, Appearances by John Winchester, May Winchester, Bobby, Jody, Donna, Charlie, Kevin, and a few other name drops you’ll appreciate Rating: Teen Warnings: Cursing, mentions of (canon) child abuse and neglect, mentions of past trauma, working through trauma, denial, bit of pining ...

We’ve Got Tonight “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.” Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”

Characters: Andy (Original Female Character), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Crowley Rating: Mature Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.

...

Marvel/MCU Stories

Breathe With Me “The magnitudes of the rocks and trees and streams are so delicately harmonized, they are mostly hidden.” John Muir

Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, original gender neutral character (reader) Relationship(s): Established poly relationship. Rating: Teen, but probably not even that Warnings: This is meant to be a comfort fic, rather than a triggery, angsty one. Anxiety attacks, stress, someone with a news-watching trigger, but otherwise the story is people finding ways to cope/deal with their triggers and supporting others who are doing the same. ...

After Midnight She calls him one last time, determined to put an end to their tryst. Loki feels differently. Written for @fvckingavengers Quarantine Challenge, prompt #32: “After Midnight” by Dorothy. Be gentle, this is my first posted Loki story. Beautiful header by @there-must-be-a-lock ; thank you so much, friend!

Characters: Loki, unnamed female character/reader Relationships: Loki/unnamed female character/reader Rating: Mature. 18+ONLY. Warnings: sexual content, Loki being persuasive

...

How Long The call comes sometime after midnight, pulling you instantly alert from your deep sleep. Your phone is set to “Do Not Disturb,” and only one number is programmed as an exception.

Characters: Reader, Steve Rogers (Nomad Steve Rogers, Nomad Captain America) Relationship(s): reader x Steve Rogers Rating: MATURE. 18+ ONLY.

...

Shadows and Pills Some people come away from the Battle of New York with scars and broken bones. Some come away with nightmares and years of therapy ahead of them. Some don’t come away at all. Alexa comes away with a shadow.

Characters: Alexa (original female character), Dark/Evil Loki Rating: Explicit. 18+ONLY Warnings: RAPE, Torture, Abuse, Self Harm, Negative Images of Psychological Services/Mental Health Professionals, Hallucinations, Stalking, Supernatural Horror, Prescription Drug Use and Eventual Abuse, Mental Illness, PTSD, Flashbacks of Violence, Flashbacks of Tragedy, Starving Oneself, Isolation, Physical and Mental Exhaustion, Denial, Self Neglect, Gaslighting, Mental Spiraling, Mental and Emotional Abuse ...

Real Person Fic

Binging “The last thing he wants you to think is that you’re simply a convenience, someone he just keeps on the hook for when he’s got time.” Inspired by Mr. Stan’s infamous Men’s Health photo shoot, as well as his “Cheat Day” video.

Rating: M, 18+ONLY Warnings: Language (heh), smut, fluff, excessive use of breakfast foods. Characters: Sebastian Stan, Reader/Unnamed Original Character Word Count: 2.4k ...

Every Now and Then “It’s a simple case of not enough versus taking what you can get. Sometimes she sees him for a day or two, then not again for almost half a year.” Relationships are hard. When one person is a world-wide superstar and both people are idiots, they get that much harder. They both take what they can get, but eventually that may not be enough.

Characters: Tom Hiddleston, Reader Insert/Unnamed Original Female Character Rating: Mature, 18+ONLY Warnings: Two large dollops of smut, a half-cup of angst divided, several pinches of language, dash of loneliness, and a good sprinkle of lack of communication. Fold ingredients together gently, bake at 200c fan for 20 minutes, then serve piping hot from the oven.

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lynndoublelegacy · 4 years ago

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just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well.

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death.

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #d&d #d&d 5e #dnd meme #i would like to apologize to Vail and Zohros #they deserved better than to be briefly mentioned but their campaigns are also on hiatus #so they're not overly relevant rn #vail is the paladin/bloodhunter #zohros is the triton #he's a rogue

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squidprinceofwinterfell · 4 years ago

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Stick of Truth Commentary

Intro

Intro cut scene is a nice touch! The animation is nice, and it adds story and stakes to the game the boys are playing. Reminds me of “Lord of the Rings.”

I like how the boys see the stick as a golden staff, but it’s literally just…a stick.

Create your character

Fighter, Mage, Thief, Jew – which is the best and why?

Intro to New Kid and family

Dialogue between parents creates an ominous backstory. Who is looking for New Kid and why?

New Kid is a mute weirdo and I love it.

The first quest (making friends) reminds me of “The Sandlot.”

The shitting feature is awesome.

New Kid meets Butters and is brought to KKK

What exactly is the power of diabetes?

Chekov’s Clyde!

It’s cute how cool everyone is with Princess Kenny.

I like that every player is called Douchebag, but I wish every player didn’t have to play as a boy.

Elves attack

Funny how Cartman’s alarm is just Butters yelling “Alarm!”

Cartman has pretty good commentary when New Kid is fighting. I actually miss that later on.

How did the elves snag the stick? Either Clyde is a bad watchdog or Kyle is super strategic. I choose both.

New Kid must find Token, Tweek, and Craig

Token

I never knew Token was so rich that he had security! It’s probably to keep Cartman out.

I love that Token’s property is calling Dark Meadows.

Token: “The elves took the stick again?” Haha!

Tweek

Tweek is the only employee at Tweek Bros.? That’s called child labor!

I love that Mrs. McCormick thinks the meth heads in her garage are just nice renters. Is she being paid in meth?

Why would a 10-year-old boy be an undercover cop? Only in South Park.

Tweek was totally named after the word “tweeker.”

Craig

Craig is in detention for (of course) flipping off the principal. Is Principal Victoria still principal at this point?

Craig’s alias is Feldspar the Thief? I refuse to believe this isn’t a reference to Malcolm in the Middle.

On the “thief” option at the beginning, Cartman says he’s never seen a white thief before, yet Craig is a thief. Hmm…

“Heeeere they come…I’ll be outta here in ten minutes.” Smug, snarky Craig is the best Craig.

I like that Mackey seems to know he’s in a video game (by referencing the boss fight). It’s very Deadpool.

The Bard

The Inn of the Giggling Donkey is just Jimmy’s house. His living room is convincing as a bar/lounge/hangout.

Twitter = carrier raven

“There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow / She didn’t talk much, but boy did she swallow / I had a nice lance that she sat upon / The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.” I love Jimmy’s songs!

Butters: “No hurry, Douchebag. The princess is just being raped.” OMG

An elf was jumping on the bed to simulate raping Princess Kenny? The boys are really committed to this game.

Cartman: “Good job, Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.” Kenny flashing his man boobs is the best distraction tactic.

The Brown Note is Jimmy’s best attack.

“Welcome to the KKK!”

Alien abduction

Cartman’s fart lessons finally come in handy! New Kid’s ass is too strong to be probed.

I love that alien abduction is viewed as just another annoying part of living in South Park.

The guy from the recordings is the hobo hidden onboard, right?

The Nazi zombie hobo is the game’s first instance of the Nazi zombie plot. It tells us that the aliens are responsible for this when the ship crash lands to Earth and green goo gets in the sewer.

New Kid crashed an entire spaceship. He’s kind of a badass. And he gets to keep the alien probe!

The big bad government is involved now to deal with “another UFO crash.” How often does this happen??

Only South Park would try to pass off a UFO as construction of a Taco Bell. And only South Park citizens would believe it.

Recruitment (pt. 1)

All New Kid has to do to get the goth kids to join is put on black clothes. I’m glad to see they still have low standards.

New Kid finally meets Stan and Kyle! I’ve been waiting for this.

According to Kyle, Cartman lied about the stick being stolen and is hiding it. According to Cartman, Kyle is lying because New Kid can’t retrieve the stick if Kyle claims he doesn’t have it. It’s a game of “he said, she said” but I’m inclined to believe Kyle. This is Cartman we’re talking about…

PTA meeting

I’m disappointed no one yelled “Rabble, rabble!” at the PTA meeting.

Is no one else alarmed that Randy lured a young boy into the bathroom alone?

“That’s all you’ve got is a sign? At least crap on a desk or something!” Mr. Garrison is speaking highly of Cartman, I see.

She-Ogre

“Give me back my iPhone, DEMON!” This is an accurate depiction of a brother-sister relationship.

It’s adorable that Stan uses Sparky in battle.

Taco Bell

I love that the big bad government agents are such bad liars that they killed a guy asking about encharidos.

“Goddamn it! I’m so tired of Nazi zombies. It’s so…overused!” Haha!

I’m surprised the adults actually took the bombing threat seriously and weren’t bummed about no Taco Bell.

Recruitment (pt. 2)

The final goth test is DDR?? That’s so conformist.

Once you win the goth kids over, you can recruit them to either Cartman’s side or Kyle’s. I always pick Kyle’s side when I play this. I’ve been itching to betray Cartman since this game started!

South Park Elementary

The huge battle scene takes place at the school because it’s where Cartman supposedly hid the stick. South Park Elementary is busted and makes a great setting for a battle scene. More “Lord of the Rings” vibes!

New Kid’s farts help Kyle’s side get the upper hand. Take that, Cartman!

Another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: New Kid’s battle against Butters is more impactful because he was New Kid’s first friend. If it was a face off against Stan, it wouldn’t be as emotional.

The final battle gives New Kid one last chance to pick a side. Like Stan says, “I can’t believe this is even a choice.” Kyle vs Cartman is like Chanel vs Walmart.

Yet another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: Cartman’s farting fire at the end of this fight is one of the best scenes of the whole game.

Clyde

I love the twist where neither Kyle nor Cartman was lying. Clyde really punked the fuck out of everyone.

Kyle is the only one to acknowledge he’s aware of the green goo and how dangerous it is.

Stan: “Clyde, but why?” Cartman: “I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he’s all pissed off.” Haha!

Clyde’s fortress is so badass. I can see the appeal of the dark side.

How the hell does Clyde have control over the Nazi zombies??

I love that Clyde’s power move is keeping his friends out past their bedtimes. The stakes are higher now, but this reminds us this is still a kid’s game…or it started as one.

Underpants gnomes

Gnomes: “The kid is awake! What do we do?” “Oh, fuck, I guess we gotta kill him!” Me problem solving.

Since when do underpants gnomes have warlocks?? I thought they were all failed businessmen.

For some reason, high pitched gnome voices yelling “Oh, fuck!” is really funny to me.

New Kid fighting underneath his giant parents mid-coitus is another iconic fight scene. How many times must New Kid dodge his dad’s ballsack?? The kid is hardcore.

The girls

Kyle convinces everyone to team up against Clyde. I’m continually impressed by Kyle because of his leadership, intellect (he spent all night researching), and open mind (he doesn’t balk at teaming up with the humans or inviting girls to play). I’m totally Team Kyle, if you haven’t noticed.

I love that the girls blindfold New Kid when they bring him to their lair. That’s some Mafia shit.

Annie: “He…doesn’t really talk.” Bebe: “That’s hot!” ME

Sunshine, sparkle, glitter…I wanna talk like this all the time.

Heidi Turner was the two-faced bitch! That’s very Mrs. Cartman of her.

Abortion clinic

New Kid’s abortion doctor is named Dr. Poonlover because of course he is

The big bad government is doing Plan B at the abortion clinic. Clever joke!

Where did Randy get that blonde wig from?? The men in South Park cross-dress so much.

Khloe Kardashian’s aborted fetus as a Nazi zombie is also a legendary fight.

Canada

New Kid didn’t get that his photographer was a pedophile even when he was almost butt naked?? Also, who was that guy who jumps out from behind the boxes?

The layout of Canada is clearly a parody of Pokemon games, right? Either way, I love it. The shitty jpeg videogame look is very Canada.

“They’re like wolves, but they’re dire.”

Getting trained by Terrance and Phillip makes all this back and forth bullshit worth it.

Clyde’s fortress

Of course Cartman butts in when Kyle’s trying to give an inspirational speech. What an attention hog!

It’s funny to me how easily Craig switched to Clyde’s side. Loyalty much??

“I really found myself relating to Clyde’s views about darkness and enslaving the world.” Jesus, Craig!

Cartman’s negative reaction to electricity is a callback to the chip put in his head in Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

“It’s my favorite kid!” WOW, RANDY

“Who could it be?” I love how long New Kid lets them all wonder before he steps up.

Stan: “Dude, that’s not Taco Bell sauce.” Clyde: “Then why’d I find it at the Taco Bell?” A+ logic

How dare you, Clyde! Let Chef rest in peace!

Government interruption

“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok…” Vampires exist in this universe??

I love that the boys don’t care about the big bad government’s scheme.

So New Kid’s special power is making friends on social media! I should’ve known.

Princess Kenny’s betrayal

Princess Kenny planned to steal the stick all along! This game is full of betrayals.

Kenny makes a pretty cute anime princess. Nazi zombie? Not so much.

Princess Kenny is a badass final boss. And I never saw it coming!

I’m glad the “never fart on someone’s balls” joke meant something in the end. I can see why it was banned – it’s super deadly!

End

The boys unite to save friendship and love…by chucking a stick into a lake.

New Kid stole Cartman’s catchphrase!

Why did Al Gore appear so ominously at the end?? What are you gonna do to the kids, Al Gore??

#south park #the stick of truth #podcasa bonita

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jq37 · 5 years ago

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 12

Fig And Ayda Sitting in a Spiky Infernal Nightmare Tree

Welcome back to Fantasy High, where Brennan and Emily are giving the gays everything they want but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For now, the Bad Kids have just arrived in Arborly which is this ancient, twisty, mysterious forest town with buildings kind of built into the trees in such a way that makes it hard to tell it’s a town at first glance. Anyway, they get to Hollyhill--the family home of Fig’s gnome business-friend--Grover Tillythatch--which is basically this very dope hollowed out tree. At the edge of the forest (maybe a 30 min walk away), there is a place where the trees grow and twist together into an 80 foot high wall, barbed with razor sharp briars and super ominous looking. Très Sleeping Beauty.

They unlock the gate but then realize they have to do something with the Hangvan. Gorgug thinks there’s a way to, with his Artificer skills, give the Van the availability to shrink, but that’ll be a whole project for later. What we have to deal with now though is the fact that Gilear is caught up in the wheel well of the Van, apple stuck in his mouth like a roast pig. Through a series of insane and very Gilear events (not a teleportation mishap like I initially thought), he ended up stuck there and has been since they woke up. He fully missed Hilariel and this is the first anyone noticed he was missing.The kids help Gilear out and give him a little makeover, courtesy of Adaine’s jacket--very needed because he 100% pissed his pants while jammed up (and way too soon after getting stuck).

Kristen knows that the temple she read about is extremely close to where they are. Adaine does a quick Locate Creature and can tell the elf from her Scry isn’t within the 1000 foot range. Plus, the forest they’re in just looks different.

Anyway, once they’re in Ragh starts grabbing food. Sandra-Lynn gives Gilear a massage because that dude needs some TLC. Tracker is sticking with Kristen and in a weird headspace over the Galakaya info. And, turns out Ayda didn’t just stay in Leviathan. She teleported with them to see them off so she’s around too. The gang does a little investigation of the house where Riz finds out Grover is abusing his company expense account and Adaine pings a crazy amount of infernal energy from the spooky briar wall. Adaine also senses a strong but old (300 year-ish) aura of druidic magic in Arborly--from the reclamation efforts that took Arborly back from being behind the wall that separates Sylvere from the outside. It’s really the only progress that’s been made and it seems like it took a lot out of whoever did it. One more thing: There is a real gnomish energy around town (similar to the vibe at Gorgug’s place), even though Arborly is supposed to be very wood elf heavy.

Throughout all I’ve been describing, there have been rumblings of maybe throwing a party and Fig invites Ayda who enthusiastically accepts. The adults go to bed in the Van for safety (Sandra-Lynn puts the Hangman in charge while they’re gone) and the teens do what teens do when they have no adult supervision: They wild out. But not in a Golden Gardens “Let’s get tattoos and do drugs” kinda way. In a real, teenager kind of way. In an “I’m making crab nachos because my parents never let me,” kind of way. But that “they” doesn’t include Fig because she is doing the other thing teens do when they have no adult supervision: Sneaking out. Specifically to look at the briar wall. She can hear these faint whispers coming from the wall and Emily manages to get jump scared in a D&D game by Ayda who is suddenly standing next to Fig, having followed her because the party got overwhelming.

They have a talk which I can and will describe but that needs to be seen in full to really appreciate the intimacy and tenderness but also fumbling awkwardness that’s happening. So while the rest of the Bad Kids are drinking and doing crab-stands and pretending to be shrimp (go with it) Fig tells Ayda that she sometimes does stuff like pretend to be other people and indulge in loud nonsense to cover up negative thoughts, like the ones that come from your dad being shoved in a gem and then getting kidnapped. Ayda can’t understand the disguising as a coping mechanism: “If I were you I wouldn’t want to be anyone else because you are very exceptional.” She then offers to give Fig a better look at the wall and, when Fig accepts, she turns them both invisible and flies them to it.

Fig, upon watching Ayda do that very dope thing says that there’s no reason for Ayda to think she’s special when she can do cool stuff like that. Ayda, as we already know, thinks Fig is super dope too, both in abilities and personality. Ayda analyzes the briar wall and finds out mostly stuff we already knew--it keeps people from getting in or out, including through magical means like Dimension Door and it’s keyed to powerful devils. When she reaches for the thorns, they grow out to stab her and she flinches back before they can. When Fig does the same, the thorns don’t grow out. And, when she does a less intense Burning Hands, a charred handprint is left behind and the heat and energy travels somewhere else. The aura the wall is giving out doesn’t seem to bother her as much as it probably would someone else. Ayda finds it very cool, as she’s found everything Fig has done. They dip back into heart to heart mode and Ayda reveals something that we already knew from Brennan on the Discord: Ayda is technically about 150 years old due to her Phoenix cycling and she’s been working on building the Compass Points Library across her lifetimes, aided by notes left to herself by her previous incarnations. Fig asks why she would do that instead of just reinventing herself and Ayda says she doesn’t have a lot of self confidence and doesn’t want to make mistakes. Fig throws up in anticipation of saying something sincere, says she thinks Ayda is perfect the way she is, and then--as she is wont to do--skateboards away (successfully and 80 feet down the briar wall with a 22 acrobatics check).

Ayda flies down, compliments her on the sick trick then asks her to sign a binding contract that says she has info that she will give Fig but Fig can’t make any assumptions based on it or judge her. (The cast at this point is losing their minds and has been for the past couple of minutes.) Fig signs it and then Ayda gives her the information which is as follows: “At any waking moment outside of combat that you and I have been together, if you had tried to kiss me on the mouth, it would have been received favorably.” Fig drafts a contract (as a lawyer I’m using that term extremely loosely) that says that if Ayda makes fun of her, Fig will give her a wet willy. Ayda says that it’s more of a threat than a contract and Fig abruptly kisses her and then skateboards away and hides. Ayda doesn’t really have a good frame of reference for how this is supposed to go and Fig is throwing out all sorts of mixed signals but Fig comes out from hiding and apologizes and says that she’s having trouble being vulnerable since she hasn’t really done this as herself before. Ayda asks if they can go again because she thinks she can do better. Ally and Lou howl and cheer and bless the Union. Murph is clapping. Siobhan and Zac are full gone. Fig says that she only wanted to have a party so Ayda would stay longer. Ayda says she only stayed to hang out with Fig. Ayda says this is the best moment of her current life. Fig says she’s going for best, period--past incarnations included. They make out some more until Ayda has to go. Ayda says she needs to go so she can research the Planeshift spell for Fig (for free!). She doesn’t even care about shrinking down the library. Before she leaves, Ayda pulls out one of her feathers and says that if Fig holds it up and says her name, she’ll hear it and be able to come and help. Fig does the same with one of her ear-cuffs but it’s more of a gesture than an actual magical effect (though the cuff is bloody and mark my words, this is exactly the kind of goof that becomes plot relevant later). Fig comes back to the insanity the house has dissolved to and goes to use the hot tub.

No comment.

They all eventually go outside to sleep on a mattress, by the Van to get the protection of the Hallow spell. It’s a little glossed over but we learn when Fabian gives Riz Bardic Inspiration to remember to sleep outside that he’s taken a level of bard! In the morning (by which I mean afternoon), they all wake up to see Sandra-Lynn and Gilear speaking to, like, 40 wood-elf rangers. They’re mainly talking to an intense lady who seems to have a pretty high rank and this older looking fox. Fig steps up to speak for the group since they’re there on her invite and the elven woman is instantly wary of her horns, plus the Hangman is right there. She clearly doesn’t trust the infernal. With Guidance from Kristen, she gets a 27 Persuasion which tells her this lady (whose name we learn is Mira) will never like her BUT that’s OK because she’s not in charge. The fox actually outranks her.

Fig shakes hands with the fox whose name is Nuathra and who is very charmed. The Bad Kids follow suit with the politeness and Nuathra is won over. He fends off Mira’s suspicions and is so chill that Fig decides (after consulting with Adaine) to just tell him they’re going into the nightmare forest. That gets bows pulled on them and Adaine steps in and identifies herself as the elven Oracle and says that they have to do it for prophecy reasons. The elves start whispering and Nuathra, who believes she is who she says she is, asks if she knows about any other high elves who look like her slinking around. Adaine says that yeah, she does, but she’s not working with them. Kristen tries to cut in and it makes Mira super aggro--seems like she doesn’t like beings that are devil adjacent or humans either. She also makes a dismissive comment aimed at high elves in response to Adaine’s statement about morality being complex.

Nuathra tells her to cool her jets and says that things are kinda tense because for the past few months, a high elven woman (Adaine’s mom) showed up, took a room at the Owl and Harp (a gnomish tavern), and hired a local wood elf drunkard named Killian. She kept to herself mostly but did do some business at the local gnomish Tinkerer’s Hall (possibly for spell components). Two nights ago, another high (extremely gassy) elven woman showed up and then they vanished (figuratively) with Killian.

When Tinkerer’s Hall is mentioned, Gorgug cuts in to get more info on that. Nuathra says that there is a gnomish population in Arborly because the Druid who gave their life to reclaim Arborly (Crafty Rootdrinker) was a gnome so now gnomes kind of have protected status. Nuathra starts tearing up a little and we later find out (via Gorgug’s intuition) that Nuathra was their Awakened animal companion (Awakened means you give a plant or animal average human intelligence and the ability to speak a language). Nuathra asks why they want to go into the forest and Gorgug says it’s because the Nightmare King might be coming back. After being horrified to learn that the NK’s crown wasn’t in magical Fort Knox and instead was just in some dude’s desk, Nuathra says that all the town’s resources are at their disposal. He points out the three obvious places to check out: (1) the tavern, (2) the tinkerer’s hall, and (3) a shrine which is a possible entrance to the forest of the NK (the Shrine of Thorns which is just on the edge of the forest--mostly still in the forest--and dedicated to a mysterious goddess).

Adaine asks about the dude in her vision and realizes quickly it’s not Killian. Then, following a comment Fig makes about honesty being the right move and spurred by their out of character knowledge, start poking at Fig for an answer to what’s different about her today. Riz rolls a 28 Investigate and Fig burns 2 luck points and a guidance to beat it with like a 31. Wild. Then they split up like this:

Gorgug, Ragh, and Fabian (with the Hangman) go to the tinkerer’s hall.

Adaine and Riz go to the tavern.

Kristen, Tracker and Fig go to the shrine (ferried by Sandra-Lynn who wants to then scout around on Baxter).

Gilear makes lunch.

But before they leave, Adaine Scrys on her mom and sees her, Aelwen, and Killian with a gem embedded in his open and bloody chest (clearly a puppet after the ritual that almost claimed RIz) traveling through a forest so twisted it looks like it’s underground. Adaine clocks some curse scarring on her mom and on a 15 arcana check wonders if the curse her mom got broken by Garthy was actually the Crown’s curse or maybe something the Falinel put on it for security (which could mean that the Curse on the crown is actually the goddess’s sanctum mentioned last ep). Almost immediately, Aelwen dispels the Scry and it ends. Adaine on a 25 Insight realizes that Aelwen didn’t actually sense the Scry. It was like someone told her it was happening and then she reacted to that. Adaine thinks Kalina might be around.

On a nat 20 Perception check, Kristen sees Kalina’s eyes in the shadows. Riz--and the rest of the group--can’t see her, but she steps out of the shadows. Kalina starts slinging death threats--at the group and Tracker specifically--and Kristen does her classic Kristen thing of staring down a life or death situation with an insane casualness. Kalina says the only reason the gang is still alive is because they haven’t gotten directly in the way of her and what she wants yet. What does she want? Kristen asks. For them to stay out of the f-ing forest. Kalina vanishes. Kristen immediately loses all bravado and makes her friends dog pile her for comfort which they happily do.

Kristen gives an arguably Inspiring Speech to give everyone 16 temp HP. Riz on a 28 Investigation roll notices that the grass where Kalina was standing isn’t bent. (The background music goes *BWANG* like Brennan planned it). Riz thinks Kalina wasn’t physically there. In fact, she might not have ever been physically there. He remembers that, in the photo, Pok’s sleeve isn’t bent where Kalina is touching him and people who can’t see Kalina don’t see the wrinkled sleeve they way they would if she was just invisible. And she’s not holding a glass in the photo. She’s holding up her hand and pretending she’s holding one. She might not exist physically at all. He thinks that the thing Aelwen and Arianwyn are doing is to give her corporeal form. They also put together than even if Kalina is somehow in their heads, she can’t really by *in* their heads because she keeps asking questions she would know the answers to already if she could read their minds. Kristen wants to chain up Tracker in the Van to keep her safe from Kalina but Tracker puts the kibosh on that with a quickness (revealing things we kinda already knew about their sex life in the process).

Anyway, let’s split up!

Tinkerer’s Hall

The Owlbear group and the Hangman kinda freak out the gnomes who think they’re being mugged or something but Gorgug wins them over with his gnomish last name and cool Solesian gadgets. They find out Killian needed wax to make candles and some basic spell components.

Tavern

The two Bad Kids possibly least equipped to go to the bar go there and try to get access to Adaine’s mom’s room. They pay Arianwyn’s tab (she left abruptly without paying) and bribe the bartender with an amount of money that will for sure get them put on a watchlist, sweating bullets the entire time, but eventually make it up there to the top suite.

The room is blood spattered, full of candle wax and arcane symbols, and there’s an image Adaine knows her mom drew of a robed, skeletal figure, wearing a crown, etched into the wall. Yikes.

Shrine

Sandra-Lynn drops off the girls. Tracker casts a light spell and then has to step out. It’s like a vampire at the doorway of a church thing. Kristen sees a religious symbol on the wall and an ancient depiction of a woman in a dark robe and cape, holding a book and a broomstick, next to a small dwelling, black cat on her shoulder.

Fig sees a charred handprint on the briars in the shrine and recognizes it as her own. She casts Burning Hands on her handprint that’s here for some reason and the fire catches and spreads. Brennan has a lot of fun making fire sound effects. A fiery doorway opens and a woman in armor, with horns and skeletal wings (plus flayed skin under the armor from what they can see--except for her face which is intact and beautiful) walks out and asks for Fig. When Fig identifies herself, the woman says she’s Vraz the Mean from the Nine Hells and Fig has been served. As in legally. As in a subpoena.

Wild.

Detention

Fig for Using up Two Luck Points Pre-Excursion Into a Doom Forest to Conceal a Crush

I adore both Fig generally and Fig in this episode specifically but, truly, what a waste of Luck points at the cusp what possibly could be such a dire moment. And she won’t get those back before a long rest. This storyline is going so slowly. I’ve written (as I’m writing this sentence) 48k words worth of Report Cards and it’s been like what? A week? Less than that? She might not get those back for a while.

Now do I wish she’d made a different decision? Absolutely not. Emily, as always, is ride or die for the roleplay and I both love and respect it.

But I can high-key see this biting her in the ass.

Honor Roll

Kristen for Holding her Own Against Kalina

I think this marks K-girl’s first appearance on the Honor Roll and in my opinion (mine being the only one that matters I guess since I have no oversight and am Czar of this arbitrary award) she really earned it. First that clutch perception nat 20 to spot her and then having to hold the entire conversation by herself with no backup because she was the only one who could see her. I think this was actually a really good time for her to use her wild downplaying attitude and she was able to keep Kalina occupied for long enough for Riz to gather some of the most interesting pieces of info about Kalina yet. Very clutch.

Random Thoughts

For a closer look into character/location descriptions from this episode, you can check out @jamiebluewind‘s posts here and here.

“Has your girl ever not delivered?”/”Yes.”/”Multiple times.”/”I mean, it’s always entertaining when you don’t.”

Lou and Siobhan Re the Hangan: “Can it turn into a Gundam?”/”Is it a transformer?”

Shoutout to Brennan for heading off flying Van shenanigans at the pass. That would have been an Immediate Problem.

“I have never touched my Dad’s butt, nor do I want to.”

Brennan breaking himself during his first Gilear line of the ep. I wonder if he goes into any Gilear sentence knowing where he’s going, or if it’s all freeform improvisational jazz.

I think it’s really interesting that Fig fully loves Gilear but also still calls him Gilear and not Dad. Not deep meta point or anything. I just think it’s an interesting quirk of the character.

Fig fully intending to eat an obvious death mushroom and every other party member at the same time slapping it out of her hands.

I think I’ve mentioned on several occasions that I’m not really a shipper. Which isn’t to say I don’t enjoy romantic relationships in media. It’s just that it’s usually pretty clear which relationship the narrative is setting up so I really don’t get the point in basically campaigning for something that’s clearly going to happen (in which case, just enjoy the progression) or campaigning for something that’s clearly not going to happen and then being disappointed. But I gotta say, this Fig and Ayda has been a ride, I think largely because there was really no way to see this was coming when Ayda was introduced. Like, Tracker for instance was clearly introduced with Kristen in mind, down to being the Moon Cleric to her former Sun Cleric. Not only was Ayda not set up as a romanceable NPC, she very easily could have been skipped as even an option for befriending at all. She didn’t really make herself super available for it and it wasn’t even Fig who struck up a friendship with her initially. It was Adaine. And then Adaine got kidnapped which pushed the two resident Adaine stans together and, what do you know? Sparks (and not just from Ayda’s hair). The organic-ness of the relationship really added something that makes it really interesting and special.

Also, lol that Fig finally found an age appropriate relationship but she’s also technically 150.

“I’m not gonna mend your piss pants.”

For Adaine, the peak of luxury is access to fluffy robes which, mood.

OK, just to explicitly state my current pet theory that I alluded to last week, it seems pretty darn likely that Kalina is the familiar of the Mystery goddess. I said that cats are the most iconic witch’s familiar and, this ep, we saw the goddess depicted with a black cat. Plus, Brennan casually but very specifically noted that Kalina isn’t a big-cat. She’s like the tabaxi version of a house cat. And we learned that Kalina seems to be intangible which takes away one thing that was a little off for me--it seemed more like she was spreading a virus but the fact that she is intangible and just visible to people who are “infected” makes it seem more like she herself is the virus. AND, we were introduced to the concept of an Awakened, Sentient animal companion this episode which would be a great thing to do if you’re setting up the fact that this witch goddess turned her cat into a full sentient being and then a tabaxi and then a virus.

Lol at Tracker giving Sandra-Lynn a Shovel Talk re: Jawbone.

Riz, upon being questioned by Kristen where he got the photo of her for the “Casual” conspiracy wall he’s making: Look, you take pictures you hang them.

I want the Bad Kids to keep the motto of, “Spring Break!” year round. I want them to use it forever. I want them to be in their 30s--well out of school--and run into a deadly situation in the middle of Winter yelling, “I believe in you! Spring Break!” while very, very confused bystanders watch them. That’s really what friendship is about. Confusing the hell out of strangers with your in-jokes.

Between last week of Fantasy High and this week of CritRole, I think a lot of people just learned what the Hallow spell is.

“Just by being here we’re stealing. I’m like Robin Hood.”

Hangman: No rules!/Adaine: Some rules!

Guys I was SO concerned that Fig was gonna pull a Fabian and do something Concerning without any party support. So happy she decided to just get her kisses in instead. And then at the end of the ep when the two most chaotic party members were given a hell door that it 1000% seemed like they were gonna jump through but were ust handed legal paperwork instead.

Figs comment about one of the best parts of friendship being getting to be a “chorus of nonsense” together without regard for what’s being said is so real.

I love the D&D gag of the party members who are not at an intense moment interjecting with whatever nonsense they’re doing.

Everyone holding their collective breaths and then breaking as Emily succumbs to the urge to Touch a Thing. “You simply must.”

Ayda thinks “Choke on grapes, bitch,” is an excellent threat, and I agree.

Who cares for Ayda when she’s a newborn? Or is she reborn old enough to take care of herself? Also, update: Aguefort even worse dad than initially thought.

Fig skateboarding away and dropping invisibility so Ayda can see and then later kissing her and Ayda going full visible are such cinematic moments. Well, the second one is at least. The first is just extremely funny.

“I’m not gonna kiss the shrimp, Kristen. It’s dead, and we killed it.”

“I desperately and only want you to stay. And the only thing I want to do more than stay is do something for you” Why does Brennan keep dropping these raw ass lines casually in his high school D&D game?

“Can I get a help action from the jets of the hot tub?”

One little moment I loved from this ep was Mira being confused by the concept of a rock star and Adaine translating that she’s a bard/troubadour. I also just love the word troubadour. We shouldn’t have ever stopped using it.

“That makes me nervous. Everything makes me nervous. Sure, why not.” Mood.

Mira also makes a comment about how diverse the group is that did *not* sound like a positive or even neutral statement and, listen, I’m getting Daybreak vibes my dudes.

Very funny every time we’re reminded that the reason the Bad Kids are doing this is because it’s a school project.

Interesting character detail that Adaine started off talking about Aelwen and Arianwyn with distancing language but eventually slipped back into just calling them her mom and sister.

A note in case it’s relevant later: Nuathra said that Crafty--his druid companion--was not a fan of cleric stuff, thought it was nonsense, and tried to avoid it at all costs.

Fabian re Nuathra: What did the fox say?

Kristen asks Kalina’s name and she says, “You can call me Kalina,” which is subtly different than, “My name is Kalina,” which is probably just a turn of phrase and not plot relevant but I’ve been reading a lot of Fae stuff recently and a hyper-aware of weasel-out wording right now.

“You good?”/”Now that I’m being pressed into the grass by all my friends? Yes.”

Adaine to Riz’s earlier encounter with Kalina: That was all you? You did all that damage to yourself?

I love Fig’s outrage at Adaine joking that she uses Detect Thoughts. The idea of, “We kill people and break into places and Catfish adult men but we DO NOT Detect Thoughts on each other that is the LINE.”

Kristen giving herself a sexy roleplay promotions from Officer up to Colonel was killing me. That whole thing was such a good bit and Ally and Brennan were on the same page immediately.

Can’t wait to see the demonic (or is that devilish?) legal system so I can tell y’all how accurate it is and use something I learned in law school for once in my life. (Note: I am a lawyer, but you’d be surprised how unhelpful law school is to actually being a lawyer).

Wonder what that subpoena was for. Maybe something involving Gorthalax or the wall? I’m trying to think of what they’d have jurisdiction over. She said the dude she works under is on the Sloth level of hell.

Siobhan mentioned she has good Portent rolls right now which is comforting to hear. Lol, imagine if she had also decided to go full teenager this episode and use them to ferret out Fig’s crush.

I need you to know that, in this same week (all within 48 hours of each other), between CritRole, Naddpod, The Good Place finale, I was really just drowning in content and emotions.

The only crit of the ep is a nat 20 from Kristen.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

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