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Farewell, Aqua

I had never watched Aqua but I thought that, given how rarely I get to watch Hololive performances, I should watch her graduation concert but it was actually more of an emotional affair than I expected it to be.

The production value was incredible- I was impressed they managed to set up a whole stage, with a floor reflection and different lighting/background. Even the effects like the doors for all the JP members to walk in and out of was amazing. It was a gorgeous stage.

But of course, the highlight was the singing. I'm not particularly a fan of Aqua's voice type, but I still enjoyed it nonetheless. I had long lost interest in idols since my younger years, but for a moment I remembered how much fun it was to watch someone perform so enthusiastically and skillfully. That must not have been an easy performance, stamina-wise.

The non-singing segments were touching as well. I don't understand Japanese but I could see how heartfelt each segment was. I got the sense that there was a lot to reflect on over the years and how much growth she experienced.

What got me in the end was Aqua singing Aqua-iro Palette, as she cried but also kept singing. It really sent home just how meaningful this performance and her time in Hololive was for her. Learning that it was her dream to be an idol and that came true was very touching- I once had that dream myself till reality set in, but it still inspires me to do something that I want to do. I think for a blissful hour I got to take a break from life and be in the moment, which is very rare and I am immensely grateful to Aqua for.

I don't really have much to say, but it was a wonderful performance. I wish her the best in all her endeavors.

(Apologies for the bad photos, I took them right from my phone haha so the UI bar is there, but I don't care to crop them out.)

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I'm debating taking some time away from the vtuber community...not that I'm really involved but it's been a huge source of pain for me lately. So I don't really want to watch streams as much as I used to or buy so much merch if I can help it.

It's just really tiring seeing casual misogyny and lack of accountability all the time. Vtuber fans are by and large immature, in my opinion, and I cannot trust them to act like adults about anything. And it sucks to see the talents perpetuate misogynistic behavior because it's somehow normalized when it really shouldn't be. Not to mention how many fans are bigots/discriminate against minorities.

So I feel like I should take a step back. I still have some Hololive merch I want to buy but I'm heavily reconsidering it to be honest.

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As an aside, yes I do have a couple of PVC binders. I have one I ordered from the Hololive shop that I contemplated using as a notebook, but frankly it has not lost its chemical smell, so I'm averse to using it, but I may until I find a suitable substitute cover. I use the other one for general notetaking, but I will likely try to move my papers out of it as well. I also have the Suisei anniversary itabag coming in that does have a PVC window, but whatever I put in there, I likely will keep in there forever, haha. It's just Suisei pins so it's not a huge loss, though I intend to use the bag whenever I can.

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We Need to Stop Buying PVC Figures

Prompted by the NieR: Automata figures I just saw were put up for preorder- much to my chagrin I saw that they're made of PVC, or polyvinyl chloride. I'd order 2B's if not for that sole factor. More below the cut.

I'm no scientist but my understanding is that PVC is generally toxic, at least in its gas form. Obviously you are NOT inhaling life-threatening amounts of vinyl chloride with the figure in a room, at least not at the amounts you would in production, but I think it's worth keeping in mind. I've heard of figures leaching chemicals and becoming sticky when in storage, so it's in your best interest to air them out, but definitely do so in a well ventilated room. You can read the toxicology profile here for yourself and judge the risk- again, it is for vinyl chloride and not exactly PVC, but it's still worth reading. However, I would like to highlight that Page 21 states that "In the past, vinyl chloride was detected in various foods and bottled drinking water samples as a result of migration from PVC food wrappings and containers (Benfenati et al. 1991; Gilbert et al. 1980)." I don't think it's unlikely that the same happens with PVC figures, just at a less frequent rate since I doubt one will touch their PVC figures every single day.

I was wondering if anyone else had the same concerns so I looked it up on Reddit and was dismayed to find most people were dismissive about people who the same concerns. I'm not unfamiliar with this sentiment when I've expressed my worries about microplastics or Covid, but it's really disheartening to see any kind of concern about something that is potentially detrimental to your health as being irrational due to the apparent futility about worrying about it. One could say the same about lead paint back in the day with how pervasive it was, even though there is now effort to get rid of it and it is not longer accepted in paint. I think it's worth considering that because PVC is so widely used, we should actually be arguing for reducing its use because of the issues it can cause. I don't think it's fair to ourselves or our children to not think more critically about what we let into our bodies, especially as a lot of us do not have the means to afford adequate healthcare.

But I think the more gloomy part of reading those Reddit posts was an utter lack of concern for the workers processing the PVC to make the figures. I'm unfamiliar with Japanese labor standards- they could be better than ours (and less aversion to PPE, I'm sure) but I also wouldn't put it above them to cut corners here and there. The health effects of exposure, listed below, are incredibly concerning. Most consumers may not be exposed to high enough levels to be worried, but I don't think the same can be said of workers.

It's depressing people even lack the imagination to consider better circumstances, especially for those in manufacturing, who are exposed to the highest risks. We don't need these figures, rubber charms, etc.. They're not a necessity at all.

Anyhow, here's also the general CDC page about it, if you wanted to read more. Thanks for reading, and consume responsibly.

EDIT: Making this edit as of 8/5/24- I got a couple more figures in the mail and scrutinized their boxes only to realize that they do in fact use PVC! So I am going to try to steer clear of Nendoroids and Pop Up Parades from now on. I have a lot of figures on preorder that I can't cancel so I unfortunately have to bite that bullet but lesson learned.

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It's not really a bad thing but I wish we got to know 2B better outside of her relation to 9S. I might need to read more closely, but I was thinking about how 2B felt about the war and the androids' relationship with the machines. From the outside, she doesn't seem antagonistic towards them and is generally dismissive towards them, and dispatches them as necessary. We also know that she hated to kill 9S every time and that it pained her to do so, and she wanted him to continue living after her death. She is willing to help others, and is more kind that she lets on. But 2B ever envision a life for herself outside of YoRHa? Did she get along with her teammates, or was it just strictly business for her? She goes to great lengths to conceal her emotions (though not perfectly), so we know that she actually does feel and think a lot of things, but I still feel like we aren't really privy to that because she dies before the major events of the game (which, in my opinion, is route C). Did she ever want to leave YoRHA, or did she not because it would make her a fugitive and be hunted down relentlessly? If she was kept in the dark about the fact that humanity is Not actually on the moon, then what did she believe she was doing the job for? Was she simply told "Execute 9S" with no further explanation, and did she do it out of duty or necessity? I definitely need to pay more attention when I come back to route C because I would like to know more. It's just that sometimes I feel like, even after putting 60 hours into the game, 2B feels elusive to me, more than 9S and A2 are.

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After having to self destruct from taking on an enemy higher than my current level just so I could escape, I feel like being able to explode your pants off and run around in a leotard is not the horny think you can make it out to be. I mean, after making 2B run around in her leotard, I was initially blasé about it until I realized 9S' shorts also blew up, and then I thought, "Oh they're just running around in their underwear now." I'm not doing that again. I'm sorry I blew up your skirt 2B.

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A question I ask myself when playing through Automata is that I wonder why they had you go through the game as 2B, then as 9S, and then continue the story.

The basic idea would be that you see events in a new light, with the additional of cutscenes that explain the motivations behind what the machines do. They could have done that in the 2B route, so why add it later on? Perhaps it might be to challenge your original perception of events as they occur- I know that when I did the Simone boss fight, I wasn't sure why she did what she did. I assumed that she was just vain, but in the second playthrough, we understand it was borne out of affection for a particular machine, and an understanding that what was thought to be beauty by humankind was not truly the case. So perhaps we are meant to be humbled, as the player. 2B and 9S say to themselves that there is no reasoning behind what the machines do, but we increasingly learn that is not the case, and that they make conscious choices (in contrast to our protagonists, who are led on by the narrative).

But that idea is generally disproven in the initial playthrough anyway, when meeting Pascal and fighting Eve at the end- we understand they have reasons for what they do. So I think the second playthrough is meant to offer something else besides a different playstyle. One thought is that it mimics the process that 2B and 9S go through, whereby they continuously "reincarnate," so to speak, into new bodies, and the feeling that regardless of what they do, they are going to die. But not only that, but that eventually 2B will have to kill 9S again, or that 9S will have to die in some fashion, only to die again later on, over and over. We live through 2B's tedium, where she meets someone she already knows very well, and go throughs the motions of being acquainted with each other and experiencing the same things, only to lose it all again- to restart from scratch, so to speak.

I think it also just has the same effect as playing a game again for the second time- you know what to expect, but some things also make more sense. The things 2B says become more pertinent the more you know about the world and her experiences, and it makes the story much more compelling. I wasn't sure what to make of 2B when I first played her route- I saw that she tried to hide a lot under her cool exterior, but I wasn't sure for what reasons until later on. But if anything, I think it is somewhat of a pity that a lot of what we learn about 2B is not from herself but from other characters- she is as much of a mystery to us as she is to everyone else until later on. In that way, 2B feels like less of a main character in comparison to 9S an A2. Her story ends after she dies, while 9S and A2, who have more or less been around since the start, get to develop their stories a bit more.

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I should have written down my thoughts but I was actually floored by the Ro-shi/Ko-shi boss fight in route C. You'd think it would be disorienting to be alternating between two different boss fights and playstyles, and it was in a way (mostly because I lost track of my surroundings). I think it actually sets up A2 and 9S as narrative foils, or rather, continues the pattern, and is a neat way of converging their routes. I was already alternating between 9S and A2 (as opposed to playing as each character all the way through before going to the other), but I thought this was incredibly creative. It's not exactly a fight I enjoyed itself, as I usually find this type of boss difficult to fight but that's a personal lack of skill speaking haha.

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First Impressions of NieR: Automata

it's a really good game. I enjoyed it so much I finished the game (routes A-B-C) and went back into doing it all over again. More thoughts below the cut.

In drafting this I realize that it's actually very hard to put all my individual thoughts together, so I'll try to summarize things as best I can, and maybe elaborate on individual points separately later on.

The gameplay is great- not a unique statement but I think it's the first game I've played where they combined different styles the way they do. I was initially very confused at the beginning when you start out playing a Galaga-like shooter but, having not played that game for literal decades, it was a nice callback to my younger years. I also appreciate the top down/side scrolling platforming sections- it was particularly impressive when you get to the later portion of the factory section, where the scale REALLY stands out. It does make it difficult sometimes, such as the fight with Simone, but generally it's very fun and a nice change of pace between moving in a 3D space versus only two axes. The hacking minigames did get quite tiring but I also found myself missing them when playing as 2B again.

In regards to the story itself, I think it warrants a separate post, but they really do force feed you the themes and ideas, haha. It's not necessarily a bad thing, though- today's media literacy is rather poor, and sometimes it really takes spelling things out to make it click and even then, not everyone will bite. But I generally do enjoy narratives that ask what the meaning of life is and how you define what that life is for yourself, and take your own agency for yourself. I wish that 2B had a chance to decide that for herself, but I'm okay with it being explored through other characters. There's probably a lot to say too about how we look at our differences and how that is a choice that we can make, and also how we are vulnerable to biases (I think they actually focus on this a lot!).

In terms of design, it's pretty solid all around. I liked the variety of environments (though I found it unrealistic to have a castle next to a city, but I won't be nitpicky). They're not as detailed or flashy as current games, such as Stellar Blade or Lies of P, but I don't think they need to be either. The character design is great too- I don't really care for the fanservice-y designs, but I would say that they are rather shockingly...not that sexual. Obviously you can stare at 2B's ass but the gameplay really doesn't make it easy to do so (if anything, they cover it very well). A2's near-nudity hardly felt sexualized because it makes sense- for an android that's deserted YorHa, there's no way for her to return to her old garb, and in the grand scheme of things, it's more important she survives than get more pants. It's evident by how her long her hair is as well when we first see her- totally overgrown and unstyled, and while it might be an inconvenience, she simply doesn't care enough to cut it until she is given 2B's memories. I'm sure that, given her contact with the Resistence Camp, she could have obtained new clothes, but I would understand if she thought it unnecessary (since they'll likely get ruined in combat anyway).

And lastly, the music is very good. I can't say too much about it because I'm not knowledgeable about music myself, but it's very well done. I appreciate they even make 8-bit versions of the current bgm when you do a hacking minigame. I'd say it's fairly standard sound design for most games, but I still appreciate it.

I'll elaborate some more later on but I just wanted to get these thoughts down. Thanks for reading!

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The way I drafted 3 posts alone today...they won't see the light of day for a while though, haha.

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Plans for the blog

So I wanted to write about a number of things, so I'm going to list them below.

MOVIES:

None yet!

GAMES:

-Lies of P

-Dead Cells

-Monster Hunter World

-Needy Girl Overdose

-Subarashiki Hibi

-Little Busters

-Ginka

-Control

-Neon White

-The House in Fata Morgana

-Granblue Fantasy Relink (maybe Versus)

-Nier Automata

-Mahoyo

-Aquarium

ON AN ONGOING BASIS:

Granblue Fantasy

Arknights

Blue Archive (if I pick it up)

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Hi, if I followed you, pay it no mind- tumblr required me to do it. Apologies if I do end up unfollowing! I want to try to keep my dashboard here relatively clean if I can.