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sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year ago

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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

#Round 5 #Glenn Close #Glenn Close DnDads #Moonshine Cybin #Amber Gris #Not Another D&D Podcast #Bahumia #The Adventure Zone #TAZ Ethersea #Dungeons & Daddies #Dungeons and Daddies

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thenightling · 2 years ago

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My favorite bard characters

The new Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves movie and The Witcher has popularized the fantasy character class of bard. A bard, in fantasy settings and historically, was usually a storyteller, or a minstrel who would tell stories in song. In fantasy settings they are usually minstrels. In Nordic culture a skald was the term for a storyteller (usually a highly creative and very prized slave).

Here is a top ten list of my favorite fictional bards.

13. Bonus: Loki: I'll start with number 11. Bonus: Loki. There is a viking skald in Loki: Agent of Asgard that is revealed to be Loki in disguise. So Marvel's Loki goes on this list. Loki is believed in by Asatru people so this entry is specifically in regard to Marvel's Loki. He also gained the title "God of Stories."

12. Morpheus AKA Dream of The Endless AKA The Sandman. Morpheus is The Lord of Dreams in Roman mythology and in Neil Gaiman's the Sandman . In The Sandman he is also known as The Prince of Stories.

11. Lucien The Librarian and Cain and Abel from The Sandman by Neil Gaiman. Lucien was changed to Lucienne for The Sandman Netflix series but they're pretty much the same character. Lucien is the keeper of the largest library in the multiverse and was also the host of the horror anthology comics Tales of Ghost Castle. I'm sort of cheating a little here by mentioning Lucien and Cain and Abel since they're not actually bards but I love horror hosts. Cain, Abel, Lucien, Eve (Raven Woman), Destiny (Destiny of The Endless), The Hecate (The Three Witches), and The Mad Mod Witch (The Fashion Thing) all started as horror hosts for DC's horror anthology comics. I'm reserving this spot for Lucien, Cain, and Abel. Hosts of Tales of Ghost Castle (which only ran for three issues), The House of Mystery (DC's oldest comic), and The House of Secrets (Spin-off of The House of Mystery and comic where we first get introduced to the concept of Swamp Thing).

Before Neil Gaiman used these characters in The Sandman they told scary stories in DC's horror anthology comics which were DC's answer to EC's Horror anthology comics which brings us to... 10. The Crypt Keeper, Vault Keeper, and Old Witch. The Crypt Keeper hosted the Horror anthology comics Tales from the Crypt. The Vault keeper hosted Vault of Horror. And the Old Witch also told scary stories for EC comics. The Crypt Keeper hosted HBO's Tales From the Crypt TV series as well as Tales from the Cryptkeeper animated series. Season 2 of Tales from the Cryptkeeper was co-hosted by The Cryptkeeper, Vault Keeper, and Old Witch. They also collaborated as hosts for the joke book called Jokes from the Crypt. Again, I admit I am sort of cheating here by listing horror anthology hosts instead of actual bard characters so this is the last Horror anthology hosts for the list.

9. Peter Vincent in the 1985 film Fright Night, the 1988 film Fright Night: Part 2 and the Fright Night comic books. In Fright Night Peter Vincent is a has-been horror movie actor who now hosts a late night TV show where he shows his old movies.

Peter Vincent meets a teenage boy whose neighbor turns out to be a real vampire and Peter overcomes his own cowardice to become the hero he always pretended to be. Though Peter Vincent was originally just a stage name the character eventually embraces it to become a hero and protector of the innocent.

In the comic books Peter Vincent continued to host his late night horror movie TV series while working in secret to help Charley thwart the forces of evil. I consider Peter Vincent to be a contemporary bard character.

I would put Peter further on the list at number 3 perhaps but I left him at number 9 because he is an unconventional addition to this list.

8. Evyn AKA Shadow from the novel The King's Shadow.

Evyn wanted to be a bard but was mutilated in a brutal attack His tongue was cut out and he was left mute. His own uncle sold him into slavery. But thanks to fate's benign intervention Evyn was able to learn to read and write so he was able to become a storyteller as a scribe and eventually became an adopted son of the king.

7. Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess. Gabrielle was Xena's travel companion and very likely love interest (Lucy Lawless, the actress who played Xena) believed they were practically married in the end. Xena: warrior Princess was the spin-off of Hercules the Legendary Journeys. I have often described The Witcher as being a gender inverted Xena: Warrior Princess. Gabrielle was a novice bard who wanted to write about Xena's adventures and to eventually go on those adventures, herself.

Just as I sort of perfer Jaskier with longer hair, I actually liked when Gabrielle's hair was cut short later on in Xena.

6. Essi Daven. I'm a little confused to if Priscilla (Callonetta) from the Witcher video games and Essi Daven from The Witcher novels are supposed to be the same character or not. Essi was from The Witcher novels. I suspect they are the same character but I've seen arguments that they are different enough that they count as separate characters. But I have also seen people try to claim that Jaskier and Dandelion are different enough to count as different characters as well and Jaskier definitely is Dandelion. Dandelion was just what he was called in the English translations of the novels and in the English language video games. Essi is a woman bard from The Witcher who was very much in love with Geralt though Dandelion (Jaskier) had feelings for her. Sadly she eventually died of smallpox. The burden of living in a medieval-esque society.

Dandelion was in love with her.

5. Priscilla AKA Callonetta is a woman bard from The Witcher video games. A rival and romantic interest to Dandelion (Jaskier). Possibly the same character as Essi Daven but some Witcher fans have argued that they are not the same character so I am listing them separately.

4. Edgin. Edgin is a character from Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among thieves. In fact he is the main protagonist. He is a "Harper" that has fallen from grace. A Harper is a spy that poses as a bard to gain info and to stop criminals. So he is a bard but he used his status as a bard to work as a spy, hence the term "Harper." Later he got a little greedy and it cost him dearly but he and his band of misfits set out on a quest to set things right.

3. Fflewddur Fflam. I hate the character's name but love the character. The version in the Disney film The Black Cauldron is very different from the book character, including being much older, but I still found him to be an enjoyable character. He is a classic bard with a bit of a mysterious past.

In the books he's actually a king of a small kingdom but prefers life as a wandering bard. It makes him sound a bit like a role playing game character.

2. The Storyteller. This character's name is not actually given but he was a mysterious (possibly not entirely human) traveling storyteller, with a talking dog that appeared every week on Jim Henson's The Storyteller. He was portrayed by John Hurt and the dog was voiced by Brian Henson (Son of Jim Henson). There was a spin-off called The Storyteller: Greek Myths. John Hurt's portrayal of The Storyteller may have been why he was chosen to voice Morpheus AKA Dream of The Endless AKA The Sandman for a scrapped episode of Batman The Animated series.

Currently Neil Gaiman is involved with a revival of The Storyteller in development by the Henson company where he hopes to explore The Storyteller's own mysterious backstory.

1. Jaskier (Translates from Polish to Buttercup) / Dandelion. Jaskier is the bard companion of Geralt of Rivia AKA The Witcher (Monster Hunter) from The Witcher novels, short stories, comics, Netflix series, and video games. In the English language versions of The Witcher novels and The Witcher video games he was known as Dandelion. But in The Witcher Netflix series and in the original Polish he was known as Jaskier which directly translates to Buttercup.

Whatever you call him, Jaskier is a great character. He is the companion of Geralt of Rivia in The Witcher and he is also his own well-developed character. By season 2 Jaskier had evolved from the slightly-conceited rock musician-esque bard into a compassionate freedom fighter who smuggled people to safety.

I absolutely love Joey Batey's portrayal of Jaskier as well as his incredible singing voice as the character.

And though there has been some criticism over his look in season 2, I actually think he looks better with longer hair.

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diversifyyourliterature · 1 year ago

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Carmen Maria Machado

From her website:

"Carmen Maria Machado is the author of the bestselling memoir In the Dream House, the graphic novel The Low, Low Woods, and the award-winning short story collection Her Body and Other Parties. She has been a finalist for the National Book Award and the winner of the Bard Fiction Prize, the Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Fiction, the Lambda Literary Award for LGBTQ Nonfiction, the Brooklyn Public Library Literature Prize, the Shirley Jackson Award, and the National Book Critics Circle's John Leonard Prize. In 2018, the New York Times listed Her Body and Other Parties as a member of "The New Vanguard," one of "15 remarkable books by women that are shaping the way we read and write fiction in the 21st century.""

The first piece I read of Carmen Maria Machado was "The Husband Stitch" from her collection Her Body and Other Parties. It was beautiful, and it was heartbreaking. Machado has a way with words that leaves you transfixed and makes you feel seen.

Her website -which is gorgeous and a delight to explore- has links to her published works and where to buy them, but also many different online pieces that you can explore and read. I'm almost finished with her list of short stories now (I just finished "The Old Women Who Were Skinned" and oh my goddddd y'all I got chills!) and highly recommend them!

Her writings range from horror to fantasy, to magical realism, and do explore darker topics, so I recommend just approaching with that in mind as you explore her works.

#carmen maria machado #The Husband Stitch #author rec #booklr #queer authors #queer stories

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ask-de-writer · 1 year ago

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I would like to thank Delightfully

EAGER BINGE READER

@furislupus for READING and LIKING

My whole MASTER STORY INDEX SECTION,

finishing off the MLP Fan Fiction

He dove into the Deep End of my

HOSTED TALES section

DR. MORDENHEIM’S TRAVELS

De Writer’s Equestria Ch. 1 to 8 of 8

Written by @mordenheim

A Once and Future Thing

What is Time to an Immortal

WIND WHISPER SOULBLADE

THE GHOST WHO GUIDES

How Wind Met Penny

Written by @wind-the-mama-cat

Empty Land by @myhorrorpony

Persony – Unlocking the True You – Prologue

Persony - Unlocking the True you

Chapters 1 to 3 of 3 written by @asksweetpaw

Economy Wizard for Hire!

Parts 1 - 4 by comradeskies-deactivated2014110

Hunter's Prize by @nayomihataki

Fallen Peril by Penumbra Bard

Deeper Than the Sea by @askknickknack

ANYTHING BUT TREATS by spoopyponiesrock

It's Time for Uncle Ancient Wisdom

by @ask-the-chan-family

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otherpplnation · 3 months ago

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935. Francine Prose

Francine Prose is the author of the memoir 1974: A Personal History, available from Harper.

Prose is the author of twenty-two works of fiction including the highly acclaimed The Vixen; Mister Monkey; the New York Times bestseller Lovers at the Chameleon Club, Paris 1932; A Changed Man, which won the Dayton Literary Peace Prize; and Blue Angel, which was a finalist for the National Book Award. Her works of nonfiction include the highly praised Anne Frank: The Book, The Life, The Afterlife, and the New York Times bestseller Reading Like a Writer, which has become a classic. The recipient of numerous grants and honors, including a Guggenheim and a Fulbright, a Director's Fellow at the Center for Scholars and Writers at the New York Public Library, Prose is a former president of PEN American Center, and a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters and the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. She is a Distinguished Writer in Residence at Bard College.

***

Otherppl with Brad Listi is a weekly podcast featuring in-depth interviews with today's leading writers.

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knarsisus · 1 year ago

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The Nation Presents: Can We Talk About Palestine?3PMPT/6PMET | Thursday, December 14

Join us on December 14th for a panel about Palestine, free speech, and censorship. Panelists Viet Thanh Nguyen, Mohammed el-Kurd, Radhika Sainath and Nathan Thrall will discuss free speech and censorship in a conversation moderated by D. D. Guttenplan and hosted by Katrina vanden Heuvel.

The legitimate parameters of debate on the Middle East have drawn far narrower amid bannings, cancellations, firings, violent rhetoric, and even prosecutions of those standing against the horrors in Gaza. Students have been doxxed and lost jobs for expressing pro-Palestinian viewpoints, writers and journalists have been banned from speaking. Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Viet Thanh Nguyen had a major New York City appearance canceled after he signed an open letter calling for a ceasefire in Gaza. At the same time, anti-semitic incidents have skyrocketed and many Jewish students report heightened fear and harassment. How to respond? How can we preserve freedom of speech and debate on issues where feelings run very high and people feel their identities are under attack?

This virtual discussion will include ample time for audience questions and comments. The event is free of charge, registration is required.

Viet Thanh Nguyen’s novel The Sympathizer is a New York Times best seller and won many awards including the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His other books include Nothing Ever Dies: Vietnam and the Memory of War��(a finalist for the National Book Award in nonfiction and the National Book Critics Circle Award in General Nonfiction), Race and Resistance: Literature and Politics in Asian America, The Refugees, and The Committed. Nguyen has received fellowships from the Guggenheim and MacArthur Foundations, among others. The Sympathizer is being adapted into a forthcoming TV series for HBO directed by Park Chan-wook.

Mohammed El-Kurd is the Palestine Correspondent for The Nation. In 2021, He was named as one of the 100 most influential people in the world by TIME Magazine. He is best known for his role as a co-founder of the #SaveSheikhJarrah movement. His work has been featured in numerous international outlets and he has appeared repeatedly as a commentator on major TV networks. His first published essay as Palestine correspondent, "A Night with Palestine's Defenders of the Mountain," was shortlisted for the 2022 One World Media Print Award. RIFQA, his debut collection of poetry, was published by Haymarket Books in October 2021. He is the recipient of awards including the Arab American Civil Council’s “Truth in Media” Award (2022) and the Cultural Freedom Fellowship from the Lannan Foundation (2023).

Radhika Sainath is a senior staff attorney at Palestine Legal, where she oversees the organization’s casework on free speech, censorship and academic freedom. Together with the Center for Constitutional Rights, she brought a landmark lawsuit against Fordham University after it refused to grant club status to Students for Justice in Palestine. Sainath is a frequent commentator on media outlets including MSNBC, Democracy Now!, Al Jazeera English, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post, Jezebel, Politico, the Village Voice and more. Her writing has appeared in The Nation, Jacobin and Literary Hub.

Nathan Thrall is the author of The Only Language They Understand: Forcing Compromise in Israel and Palestine. His essays, reviews, and reported features have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The Guardian, the London Review of Books, and The New York Review of Books, and have been translated into more than a dozen languages. He spent a decade at the International Crisis Group, where he was director of the Arab-Israeli Project, and has taught at Bard College.

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qudachuk · 2 years ago

Link

The 1599 author on the difference between historians and novelists, looking at Shakespeare differently and hitchhiking to the Edinburgh festival to immerse himself in the bard’s work• James Shapiro wins Baillie Gifford anniversary prize with ‘extraordinary’ Shakespeare...

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ebbartels · 5 years ago

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Non-Fiction by Non-Men: Carmen Maria Machado

For the full interview, see it on Fiction Advocate. Published on November 12, 2019.

—

Carmen Maria Machado is the author of the memoir In the Dream House and the short story collection Her Body and Other Parties, which was a finalist for the National Book Award and the winner of the Bard Fiction Prize, the Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Fiction, the Brooklyn Public Library Literature Prize,…

View On WordPress

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sepublic · 4 years ago

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Amity’s ‘role’ in Luz’s fantasy

So recently I had an epiphany thanks to @lost-gatesofhell, about Luz and her initial interest in Amity. I have to wonder if at first, Luz was partially interested in befriending Amity because it’d be like Azura befriending HER rival... In the sense that she’s trying to live out her fantasies, without considering that Amity is her own person and not a ‘prize’ to be won. I hate to compare Luz like this... but it could’ve been like how Warden Wrath was drawn to the ‘allure’, the IDEA of Eda as someone who was ‘hard to get’, a prize to be won... Of course in Luz’s case, she’s a lot less patronizing and objectifying of Amity, as seen when she respects the girl’s boundaries as soon as they’re set.

Still, there’s this idea that while Luz is working on it, she hasn’t totally overcome her penchant for applying fantasy to real life and projecting her little adventures over what’s actually happening, for the sake of living them out... Obviously she learned her lesson in Episode 2, but like anyone else she’s not perfect and still liable to making the same mistakes from time to time, even if they’re a lot less frequent. Particularly, Luz learned not to expect the Boiling Isles to specifically cater to her fantasies, and to recognize situations for what they actually were. If Luz wanted a ‘magical destiny’ or adventure or anything like that, she’d have to work for it to happen, as Eda suggested.

Of course, while Luz learned not to be entitled nor to expect life to just hand over her fantasies to her, there’s still this expectation and willingness to use Amity to fulfill that enemies to lovers friends trope, under the idea that at least Luz is ‘working’ for it. Luz knew then that things wouldn’t automatically be how she wanted them to be, and that she had to recognize this; But she’s still willing to make them fit her idealized fantasy regardless... Again tying back to what Eda said about having to ‘make your own destiny’, but there’s also the issue of boundaries and limits to be set, especially when actual people are involved.

Sometimes, you just can’t live out your fantasy, period… Nor can you expect reality to change into it, even if you DO put in the work to alter it accordingly. Even if it is possible, is it ethical and worth the effort to steamroll over the autonomy of others, and see them only as tropes and roles to fulfill in your story? Not as people with their own stories? Maybe it’s pointless to try to make up for this by occasionally ‘fulfilling your part’ in another person’s story, because nobody should have to deal with that sort of expectation at all, period! Even if it’s consensual on behalf of both parties, it’s still pretty sus... And it ties into the ideas of the Coven System, of Witches having to fulfill a certain role, be it as the Bard, or the Oracle, or the Illusionist... That you have to stick to a particular trope, that there’s no mixing parts or being creative with this!

Everybody has to be quickly and readily defined by a specific role they can neatly fit into, as ordained by Belos; There’s no room for growing beyond that, save for special people like those who fit into the Emperor’s Coven, the kind who are worthy of being ‘main characters’ in a sense, and thus allowed to be fleshed-out and ‘unique’! Everybody else, though- They’re a side-character, an NPC. It’s like those jokes of friend groups consisting of ‘the smart one’, the ‘funny one’, ‘the jock’, etc., but taken to a dark and far too literal extreme. There’s no room for someone to be the funny one AND a jock, that guy’s already a jock, don’t encroach on other people’s roles, you’ll get distracted from the specific function you have to fulfill!

(There isn’t anything wrong with doing this in writing of course, especially since one is handling fictional characters and not real people; But from an in-universe perspective, these characters ARE actual people to one another. After all, in real life one wouldn’t define someone as JUST a chef, they also have other aspects and interests to their life that aren’t solely related to food! It’s like the revelation that teachers have lives outside of school, or how that person you know on the internet probably has a job unrelated to whatever interest they’re talking about. People aren’t JUST the jobs they do, and it’s unreasonable to expect them to dedicate their entire existence to fulfilling that role. People should have breaks and be allowed to pursue different interests, maybe even leave their ‘job’ if it’s no longer for them. So YES Karen, this person’s job IS to help customers, but that doesn’t mean their entire worth and meaning as a person solely revolves around this, nor should this person be expected to help customers 24/7 when their shift has already ended anyway.)

But back to the subject... Luckily, Luz’s issue with molding reality into her fantasy is confronted and further resolved by Wing it like Witches. And even if Luz was projecting her stories onto Amity a bit in order to live out a ‘rivals to friends’ fantasy... It’s worth noting that Luz was also legit interested in Amity as a friend, too! Not to mention Luz is VERY concerned about earning Amity’s approval in Adventures in the Elements... Maybe part of Luz’s motive is not wanting to mess up with an ‘elusive’ friendship, or that’s what Luz tells herself... But more than likely, it’s indicative of a crush that Luz isn’t aware of. Sadly, this girl hasn’t had enough social interaction to differentiate between plantonic friendship desires and being romantically attracted to an actual peer VS a fictional character!

Which is yet another reason why I love Lost in Language, it’s that Luz was interested in the idea of befriending Amity, of a rival turned friend, rather than just Amity herself... And maybe Amity overheard this when Luz mentioned “First I befriend the siblings, then Amity!” and that contributed to her tomato face of anger- Having the painful barriers she’d erected as a trauma response and the loneliness that came from that being trivialized isn’t great. Amity didn’t appreciate being objectified like that, solely for the emotional barriers she’d set up for a reason. It’s one thing to want to be Amity’s friend the way Boscha and others did- But is Luz really interested in Amity, or just in the idea of her? Is this love conditional on Amity’s social status, which Amity is told is both inherent to her as a Blight, and yet something she has to constantly earn and maintain? Especially the idea of ‘winning’ Amity, that’d be particularly patronizing… But very quickly, Luz remembers that Amity is her own separate individual, who doesn’t exist to fulfill her fantasies.

Luz appreciates Amity as she really is (perhaps not coincidentally after getting insight into the girl’s true personality through her diary entries), which leads to Luz working to protect Amity’s boundaries by keeping her diary from Emira and Edric! There’s the idea of getting to know and appreciate Amity for who she really is, and Luz working to let the girl embrace that part of herself both internally and externally as well... Which again ties back into the idea of projecting the idea/image of fantasies onto someone/something, VS accepting what/who they actually are, and thus appreciating them even more as a result!

Amity, of course, realizes that Luz is genuine and actually wants to know about the person she really is... And she’s baffled. While she was no doubt offended by Luz possibly seeing her more as a trope to fulfill than an actual person, it probably wouldn’t have been anything new to Amity; The idea of others seeing her as a means to an end, given how her own parents and Lilith did the same! Disappointing, but not surprising...

But now it IS surprising, because Luz wants to know about Amity- And she’s not used to good things in life, alas? And how to respond? She’s well familiar with the process of rejecting people, but when it comes to accepting someone- What does she do then? And this plays into Amity’s insecurities and confusion about Luz and how she feels, not wanting to lose a friend, not wanting to hurt them, not wanting to ruin things if Luz wants her only as a friend... Not sure if Luz really means it or not because she’s still insecure, and OF COURSE the idea of a crush, and wondering what Luz could see in someone like her?!

Amity at least better understood Luz’s motives back when she assumed it was just to fulfill her Azura fantasies, because Amity was familiar with those and her own desire for them. But now that Luz has given up on that... Why does she continue to be so interested in Amity, of all people? And even if Luz was still living out her fantasies, what more could Amity accomplish anyway, now that she’s a friend to Luz; Why does Luz continue to express interest in Amity, and be willing to do so much for the girl? Luz already got her Rivals-to-Friends trope in Amity, but she continues to hang out with the girl of her own volition and unconditionally help her; And Amity is possibly freaking out on what Luz’s motives are, even though she at least knows the girl isn’t a bully and means well!

Mostly, I think Amity KNOWS that Luz is interested in being a genuine friend... But she’s still overwhelmed by the idea of someone being romantically interested in her, or at least more interested in Amity as a friend compared to others; Because the girl underestimates her own worth too much, she doesn’t see herself as worth getting to know if she doesn’t specifically accomplish a purpose! Odalia and Alador conditioned Amity to evaluate others based on their usefulness, or else be useful to others... So Amity is wondering what about her is so specifically appealing to Luz, especially when Luz has disregarded all of Amity’s other traits that make her ‘worthwhile’, such as her intelligence, social status, knowledge on magic, etc. The only thing left about Amity, to appreciate... Are the things that define her as individual, not as a Blight or a Top Student! And it’s unimaginable, or at least surreal to the girl, for Luz to be interested in that...

Amity only knows friendship in terms of being ‘useful’ to someone else... Emira and Edric were genuinely interested in Amity as a person, but she’s probably dismissed this as a given since they’re family members, not to mention Ed and Em have admittedly done their part in making Amity doubt how much she means to them. So what does Amity do, when Luz expects nothing of her? No doubt Amity feels like she’s a ‘parasite’, that she’s leeching off of Luz’s good nature and not giving back enough... Maybe she’ll feel like she has compensate for their friendship and justify it, only for Luz to make it clear to Amity that just being with the girl, and seeing her be happy, is all she’ll ever need! And it’ll amaze Amity, and mean so much to her, to realize that she’s inherently worthwhile, and that she doesn’t need to ‘prove’ herself to others in order to be lovable...

TL;DR Luz was initially trying to live out a ‘rivals to friends’ story, but learned not to objectify Amity like this... And when confronted with a growing crush on the Blight girl, Luz possibly assumed she was just relapsing into old habits. But inevitably, Luz is becoming more and more aware of how much she just genuinely likes Amity as a person, no strings attached, that the girl is irreplaceable to her. And when Amity recognizes that there’s no big secret to why she means so much to Luz, other than just being herself, that Luz’s love isn’t dependent on superficial traits that could easily be replicated by someone else, that Amity is irreplaceable to Luz... It’ll do wonders for her crippled self-esteem, as she learns that she doesn’t need to impress people in order to be loved. Amity, as she already is, without having to make any efforts to improve herself, is already worth loving both in the platonic and romantic sense!

As for Luz, well- She didn’t get the fantasy she expected... But she still got to live out a different one. Amity really IS this girl’s fantasy, and this time, I mean it in the best way possible!

#the owl house #owl house #lumity #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house amity #amity blight #speculation

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ultraclairedg · 3 years ago

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Weaponised Magical Musical Instruments

Imagine you are a warrior, out on the battlefield, in full armour ready for the fight. You draw your great sword and prepare to let out a terrifying roar of defiance when unexpectedly you hear the sounds of a flute being played. A flute! You think, what the hell? Why are you hearing flute music on the battlefield? The music gets louder and louder and suddenly you are on the ground, writhing in pain, holding your head in your hands while your bowels evacuate involuntarily. All your comrades around you are in the same condition. Battle over!

Music is powerful. It has the ability to make you feel happy, sad, joyful, melancholic, amorous or terpsichorean. Musical instruments, whether magical or not, play a huge role in all forms of fantasy and science fiction but they are not often thought of as weapons in their own right. But, there are many examples. Below are just a few that I’ve come across from various sources.

Possibly the oldest, and one of the most fantastical examples of the use of a musical instrument as a weapon of mass destruction comes from the Bible. In the Old Testament book of Joshua, the Israelites use their rams’ horn “trumpets” to bring down the walls of Jericho, after which the only creatures left alive, including horses, donkeys, cattle and sheep, were the spy/prostitute Rahab and her family. As there is absolutely no archaeological evidence that this ever happened, we should certainly call it a work of fantasy and put it as our first example.

Another of the oldest and most famous examples of the use of a magical instrument is the flute used by the Pied Piper of Hamelin to entice the rats and then the children away from the town. While this is not a weapon in the traditional sense it is certainly a powerful instrument of control and is interesting in that the player seems to have the ability to decide who/what is affected by it. First only the rats follow the music until they drown themselves in the Weser River. Then the children are affected but not the adults. In one account the adults are said to be in church because it was a holy day but as most children know if you are a member of a religious family there is no way adults will let you stay at home by yourself on a holy day. This all supposedly happened in the year 1284 – a pretty exact date for something that is clearly fictional so it could be assumed that something quite awful did happen to the children of Hamelin around this time, plague possibly as it is carried by rats, and the Pied Piper represents death. What is interesting is that there is a street in Hamelin called Bungelosenstrasse or “Street with no drums”. It is believed to be the street where the children were last seen and dancing or playing music is still not allowed on this street even today.

Science fiction/fantasy books often feature music being used in some form, though not usually as a weapon. One of these is “The Crystal Singer” (1982) by Anne McCaffrey. In this book, the planet Ballybran is the only place where special crystals can be mined which are used in a variety of technologies and are therefore very valuable. To mine these crystals, the miners use the perfect pitch of their voices, so it is clear that some kind of sonic frequency comes into play. It wouldn’t be a far-fetched idea to use these perfect voices, amplified to a great degree, as weapons, much like a very high note breaking a glass.

Another more recent book in which music played a very central role is “Ready Player Two” by Ernest Cline. If you’ve read the book or seen the movie “Ready Player One”, you’ll know that the main character, Wade Watts, plays a virtual reality game to win a massive prize. I don’t want to go into details here in case anyone doesn’t know it and would like to read the book or see the movie at some point. “Ready Player Two” picks up Wade’s story, and, like “Ready Player One” he has to use a variety of virtual tools in his virtual world to continue playing the game. Prince’s music (the artist formerly known as) plays a central role in the story and one of the tools that Wade has to pick up happens to be one of Prince’s famous guitars, which is used as a weapon in an arena battle. I have to admit I’ve never been a huge fan of Prince so the fact that events concerning his life and work are so central to the plot meant that I wasn’t as engaged with this book as Prince fans would be.

Another genre where using musical instruments as weapons is a major feature is Chinese wuxia. Never heard of it? Well, if you’ve ever seen “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” or “Hero”, you’ve seen wuxia. Wuxia (loosely translated as martial hero) is a genre of traditional Chinese film, series and manga where the central character is a martial arts expert who follows a code of ethics to right wrongs and deal justice. Wuxia includes the use of fantastical kung fu techniques such as flying and levitation and also the use of the flute and the guqin and guzheng (traditional Chinese zithers, although the guqin is most often used as it is smaller and easier to carry than the larger guzheng) to overcome enemies. One of the most popular Chinese drama series from 2016 was “Love O2O”. This series used an interesting mix of live action and anime as the characters played the very popular RPG game “A Chinese Ghost Story” – a real game that can also be played by players outside China is you are so inclined. At the end of the clip below, you can see the main character using his guqin as a weapon.

(youtube clip fan made connecting real game with Love020 series)

While “Love 020” shows a Chinese MMORPG, there are a number of other RPG games that allow the player to multi-skill up to Bard class, a character that uses magical music and instruments. If you want to find out which ones, just do a Google search. Here’s a link to one I haven’t played but as the Mabinogi is so close to my heart (See previous posts) I’m posting it here.

Think that all this is too fantastical to have any bearing on real life? Think again! The LRAD (Long Range Acoustic Device) has been described as a “sound cannon” and “sonic weapon”. It is used for crowd control in the US and is extremely dangerous for human health. Depending on the length of exposure and decibels used, LRADs can, at the least, cause tinnitus, at worst, vomiting and blood and/or mucus from the ears with lasting effects on hearing. LRADs were first used by a US police department in Pittsburgh in 2009 to control protests during the G20 summit held there that year. Since then, a number of US police departments have used LRADs for crowd control.

So, once again, what some people have dismissed as pure fantasy has become reality. Gotta love that about sci fi and fantasy.

Linguistic Phun

Terpsichorean – pertaining to dance. From the name of the Ancient Greek Muse of Dance, Terpsichore, who also invented the harp and education.

(I do not own the rights to the images shown in this post or the Youtube content.)

#Magical Musical Instruments #Jericho #Hamelin #LoveO2O #Ready Player Two #LRAD #Sonic Weapons

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sexiestpodcastcharacter · 1 year ago

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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Finals

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

vote Glenn I am asking with the biggest saddest eyes possible 🥺🥺🥺 he is so sexy it's pathetic and also so pathetic it's sexy, no I can not possibly adequately elaborate just trust me

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Gable (Campaign: Skyjacks):

7ft tall silver-haired thembo of a fallen angel. was the literal sword of god until they killed him! reasons slightly unclear but probably sure to forbidden queer love! super caring for their friends. has one friend they have known for hundreds of years who they HATE but are bound to by the red string of fate. their sword is a part of them, they can sheathe it into a tattoo. they start out indistinct at the edges but as they have continued on through the campaign they have become more and more distinct. they became a flaming engine of justice to kill their friends shitheaded older brother who was following him. they have learned enough necromancy to allow other fallen angels to die, even though they typically cannot. they fly giant birds in to battle.

7ft tall beefcake wielding a sword as tall as they are. vengeful sweetheart

Imagine now: a fallen angel with beautiful gray hair and very big muscles. Now imagine them with a 9 ft sword. Now imagine them as a helmsperson of a pirate ship in a flowy deep-v pirate shirt. Now imagine they're dumb as a fucking rock. And finally, imagine that they killed god. Here, you have made Gable Skyjacks: sexiest podcast character of all time.

7ft tall nonbinary/genderfluid thembo fallen angel sky pirate who wields a buster sword. silvergrey hair with black/gold streaks as they regain feathers/memories of before their fall. back is covered in tattoos that hide the scars of their shredded off wings. killed God. toxic exes with lucifer. they are the keeper of several giant war birds who occasionally crave human flesh. they enjoy getting rowdy/smoking rope with their boys. they collect rocks that they think are neat. When anyone admits they are attracted to them, Gable trips over their words and absolutely swaglessly ends up sounding stupider and sexier by the end of the conversation; the will they/won't they and teasing they dish out to these (un?)lucky few is palpable. Sometimes the buster sword is on fire. They are immortal, they are cringe, they are trying to atone because they believe they are the reason the world is ruined.

Okay so aside from all of the above (giant with a matching giant flaming sword, killed god, extreme dumbass), here's some more propaganda for Gable the Godkiller.

They've escaped death multiple times with their partner in... crime? Like literally they were about to be executed in the most brutal way possible and just. Escaped and killed all their captors in the snowy wastelands.

They are the helmsperson of the Uhuru and take this job very seriously and definitely haven't left it to Bowser (you know, like from Mario) multiple times. Can steer that flying ship in horrible weather and still make it to port safely.

Healed an entire fucking hospital by cutting their hair for someone they had the hots for who was also in the hospital. Imagine being on that level of myth making in some random port city because of a hair cut.

Giant bird caretaker and also took the giant birds out on their friend's bachelor party (this was like. his Xth polyamorous marriage at this point btw) and had a fucking blast getting high on some rope and fucking around. They've also flown these birds into combat and looked cool as hell doing it (see: killing their friend's shithead of an older brother in a joust).

Had a relationship with Lucifer the Morning Star before they fell as an angel and killed God. Literally the reason the stars fell was their love for each other. The world would not look the same without Gable and they are, at the very least indirectly responsible for the creation of the Church of the Slain God and everything it represents (fantasy Catholicism).

And also yeah they are regularly tripping over themself and saying very silly things. 10/10 character we love Liz Anderson and Gable in this house

I am seeing people say that this Nicky fellow is basically trans! That's very cool! Gable is actually trans. Pronouns they/them/any presentation whatever they feel like.

Gable held a bachelor party for a BFF where the attendees hunted from their sky birds, wore dresses, and still managed to keep their eyeliner on point!

Gable killed God because he wouldn't let them be queer. They should rightfully crush anyone in their path.

We are finally going up against a character I know. I can confidently say all sexy moments with Gable are much sexier than TAZ's largely off-screen romances. Mod Note: This was written during the poll versus Killian Fangbattle.

But seriously. Listen to Gable's most recent introduction. Unparalleled sexy thembo introduction! Context: The Captain's Council is at a magical tattoo/piercing parlor (which has a lengthy form and disclosure process), trying to stay below the radar, and the Captain and Jonnit are pretending to be father/son to keep up the ruse. And to let Jonnit get a tattoo, since he's technically sort of underage. Bonus: Gable's decision at the tattoo/piercing parlor and noping out of Orimar and Jonnit's acting. (You should check out the full episode! Episode 197 starts a new arc and a good point to step into the series!)

Nicky Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

One armed half-demon man with a sword (also a Dedicated, Involved, Loving Father). (Specifically campaign 2, where he is an adult)

Transmasc bisexual (or at least so widely accepted as such it's basically canon) dilf half-demon let's start with the basics

And by half-demon I mean the literal prince of Hell

But also simultaneously is Saint Nicolas get you a man who can do both specifically this man

Missing an arm cause his ex-friends tragically betrayed him and shot it off but he doesn't need two arms to show you a good time wink wink ;)

The betrayal in question forced him to be seperated from his also hot milf voice actress wife and their son which is sad but in like a way that makes him sexier

Uses his one hand to wield a flaming katana that he used to rescue his son from the FBI

Protects his family with his life very literally which is hot as hell

Big himbo energy couldn't come up with a good plan if he used 100% of his brain

When he does fail at things it's pretty cute honestly

Definitely played a variety of musical instruments before the whole arm thing happened! Maybe he still does idk he's a sexy mystery

2 in 1 deal! This man was born from the merging of two timelines! Kinda sick!!! Also two dads = twice the daddy issues

You'd think the whole being forcibly split from his family thing would mean he isn't very close with his son but nope! His son adores him! They get along great!!!

His mom is simultaneously alive and dead

His mom bagged fucking two different dudes (one of whom FOUND HER DEAD in a different timeline, both of which are demons)

HIS MOMS NAME IS MORGAN FREEMAN, HIS DAD’S NAME IS GLENN CLOSE, AND HIS OTHER DAD’S NAME IS JODIE FOSTER, AND HIS GREAT SOMETHING GRANDFATHER’S NAME IS MERYL STREEP

HIS SONS NAME IS TAYLOR SWIFT

Lifelong pot smoker 👍 (plus drug flower user!!)

CANONICALLY BOTH A POLO WEARER (and yes, has all the stereotypes of that attached with it — a nerd, which is hot) AND A LEATHER JACKET WEARER (which also has all the stereotypes attached with it — a rebel dude person, which is also hot) [<- all widely accepted as canon by the fandom even as he’s older]

A part of the SECOND BIGGEST ship of season two, (Nark) despite the two characters only having one-two canon interactions (one of which JUST happened last episode)

Man’s a himbo what’s hotter than that

So many fucking names. You try to tag him in anything and he takes up half the space. That’s probably hot. For someone out there

This was already mentioned but so very very trans. Like. It’s basically canon

Rock and roll(er)

Joined a group of thieves called the watermice when he was like 13

for a few minutes had a guitar called the Battle Axe of Hatred

definitely had an frienimies with benefits relationship with his childhood friend Lark (sorry ppl that don’t ship nark lol) (it’s canon after ep 44 hah)

Nicky also acts like his sons Pokémon! Taylor tells his dad to do things, and Nicky does it without thinking about anything else he could do!

I feel like the audio of the entire Nick-breaking-into-the-FBI scene should be propaganda, but I'm copying select bits from the transcript:

Anthony: Yeah, it kind of echoes up through the vent, like the beginning of Metal Gear Solid. You hear a voice that strikes you as ever so slightly familiar, Taylor. Saying— ??: [a deep voice] [echoing in the vent] Where is he? Anthony: You hear— Will: Uh-oh, he’s hot. Anthony: —a bunch of shouting voices. [giggles] Beth: Uh-oh! Anthony: You hear a bunch of shouting voices and people shouting for him to get down on the ground to turn off his flame. To fucking get his hands behind his back. You hear this rhythmic stepping forward— because his footsteps don't sound like anybody else's because it's almost like… y’know when you toss a little bit of water onto a really hot pan and it just sizzles like that? It's like every footstep he's taking, you can hear that— Freddie: Cool Anthony: — and you can feel some of that heat coming up in this vent, even though you can't see him at this point. And he goes— ??: [echoing] Where. Is. My. Boy? Anthony: You hear the FBI agent—the FBI in quotation marks agent—in the back going like— Agent: [echoing] He's safe for now. If you want to go ahead and make sure that he stays that way, you feel free to go ahead and step inside the suite that we've prepared for you, my boy. Anthony: And you hear the hot guy voice saying— [chuckles] The Hot Guy: [echoing] I don't think that's going to happen.

...

[a powerful rush of air builds] Anthony: You hear— [gunfire, and the air rush culminates in a burst of flame; from underneath the fire, metal music starts playing] Anthony: —plumes of flame exploding. [a person’s pained shout, gunfire and bursts of flame continue] Anthony: You can feel the heat radiating through this metal vent and it's actually beginning to hurt and burn your hands.

...

Anthony: And you hear blood— [sizzling] Anthony: —hitting the fucking ground and you hear sizzling and things boiling and burning. Taylor: That could just be coffee! That could just be coffee. Link, let's go. Anthony: And you are getting closer and closer to the elevator. And you hear that same hot voice say— The Hot Guy: [echoing] Where the hell is Taylor?

Gable and Nicky Together:

We are on a joint ticket now! This is a truly unbeatable combo. Not even god can nerf it because Gable killed him. Vote for us. Nicky Close will watch your stuff and play with your cats while Gable gives you the night of your life.

Gable and Nicky can literally be yuor angle or ur bevil.

Art of Gable and Nicky from @slightlyhopefulromantic.

#Round 6 #Glenn Close #Glenn Close DnDads #Gable #Gable Skyjacks #Nicky Close #Campaign #Campaign Podcast #Campaign: Skyjacks #Skyjacks #Dungeons & Daddies #Dungeons and Daddies

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collegeeducationnewsllcusa · 3 years ago

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Bard College’s Award-Winning Literary Magazine Conjunctions Celebrates the Launch of Its Fortieth Anniversary Issue with an Online Reading Hosted by Elliott Bay Book Company on July 7

Left to right: Fred D’Aguiar, Ann Lauterbach, Sofia Samatar, Samuel R. Delany and Bradford Morrow

July 7th, writer and professor of literature at Bard College Bradford Morrow, Founding editor of Conjunctions, is hosting an online reading night to celebrate the launch of the fortieth anniversary edition of Conjunctions, Bard College’s acclaimed literary magazine. Morrow is featured on Conjunctions: 76, the fortieth anniversary edition Fred D’Aguiar, Samuel R. Delany, Ann Lauterbach, and Sofia Samatar. The livestream event, presented by Conjunctions and the Elliott Bay Book Company, will take place on Wednesday, July 7th at 8 p.m. For reservations please click here.

ABOUT THE PROBLEM

Conjunctions: 76, Fortieth Anniversary Issue was published by Bard College in Spring 2021 and celebrates its 40th anniversary with new and previously unpublished work by Ben Okri, Karen Russell, Peter Cole, Ann Lauterbach, Lydia Davis, Samuel R. Delany, Akil Kumarasamy, John Ashbery, Joyce Carol Oates, Sofia Samatar, Richard Powers, Shane McCrae, Rachel Blau DuPlessis, William H. Gass, Can Xue, Jessica Campbell, Fred D’Aguiar, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Carole Maso, Julia Alvarez, Genya Turovskaya, Mark Irwin , Jayne Anne Phillips, Sanjena Sathian, Peter Orner, Rosmarie Waldrop, Colin Channer, Isabella Hammad, Lance Olsen, Diane Williams, Laird Hunt, Laynie Browne, Wendy Xu, JoAnna Novak, Megan Kakimoto, Quincy Troupe, Tomaž Šalamun, Julia Elliott and Robert Coover with a foreword by Rick Moody.

ABOUT THE PARTICIPANTS

Fred D’AguiarHis books include the novel Children of Paradise, the poetry collection Letters to America, and the upcoming memoir Year of Plagues.

In 2016, Samuel R. Delany was inducted into the New York State Writers Hall of Fame. His books include the Return to Neveryon series; an autobiography, The Motion of Light in Water; and the paired essays Times Square Red, Times Square Blue.

Anna Lauterbach‘s tenth collection of poems, Spell, was published by Penguin. She is the David and Ruth Schwab Professor of Languages and Literature at Bard College and has been the co-editor of Conjunctions since 1984.

Sofia Samatar is the author of four books, most recently Monster Portraits. Her fiction has won multiple awards, including the World Fantasy Award. Her memoir, The White Mosque, is published by Catapult Books.

Bradford Morrow is the author of ten fiction books and founding editor of Conjunctions. He has received a Guggenheim Fiction Fellowship, an Oscar for Literature from the American Academy of Arts and Letters, and the PEN / Nora Magid Award for excellence in publishing a literary magazine.

# The Washington Post says, “Conjunctions provides a setting for some of the most exciting and sophisticated writers working right now.”

Edited by Bradford Morrow and published twice a year by Bard College, Conjunctions showcases innovative fiction, poetry and creative non-fiction by emerging voices and contemporary masters. For nearly four decades, Conjunctions has challenged accepted forms and styles, with an equal emphasis on groundbreaking experimentation and rigorous execution. In 2020, Conjunctions received the prestigious Whiting Literary Magazine Prize. The judges stated: “Each issue of Conjunctions is a curatorial invention that continues the modernist project of dense, economic writing, formal innovation and openness to history and the world.” The magazine was named “Top Literary Magazine 2019” by Reedsy and was a finalist for the ASME Award for Fiction 2018, 2019 and 2021 and the CLMP Firecracker Award 2018 for General Excellence. In addition, contributions to current issues were selected for The Best American Short Stories 2021, The Best American Essays (2018, 2019), The Pushcart Prize XLIV: Best of the Small Presses, Best American Experimental Writing 2020, Best Small Fictions 2019, and the best Dark Fantasy & Horror of the year: 2019.

Further information on the current edition can be found at http://www.conjunctions.com/print/archive/conjunctions76. To order a copy, go to annandaleonline.org/conjunctions, call the Conjunctions office at 845-758-7054, email [email protected], or write to Conjunctions, Bard College, PO Box 5000, Annandale-on-Hudson, NY 12504-5000. Visit the Conjunctions website at connections.com.

[Note to editors: To obtain review copies, please call Mark Primoff at 845-758-7412 or e-mail [email protected]]

# # #

(6.22.21)

Date of publication: 23/06/2021

source https://collegeeducationnewsllc.com/bard-colleges-award-winning-literary-magazine-conjunctions-celebrates-the-launch-of-its-fortieth-anniversary-issue-with-an-online-reading-hosted-by-elliott-bay-book-company-on-july-7/

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rebeccaheyman · 4 years ago

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Review: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

Hamnet / Maggie O’Farrell / PRH Audio / aBook narr. Ell Potter / historical fiction /Winner, Women’s Prize for Fiction / Nominated, National Book Critics Circle Award for Fiction

HAMNET is an extraordinary novel that asks and explores how the death of Shakespeare’s 11-year-old son might have shaped the Bard’s career and, of course, the play that bears a version of his son’s name. O’Farrell’s focus is Shakespeare’s wife Agnes (known to the world as Anne Hathaway), about whom the historical record knows little. But HAMNET imagines her as a woman whose instincts are shaped by signs from the natural world, and whose connection to her own womanhood imbued her with great power.

O’Farrell’s writing is pristine and rich, lush and gratifying. For days, I have been replaying the passages that trace a single flea—and the Plague it carries—across the world. Through O’Farrell’s lens, everything is interesting: the movement of apples shelved for storage; the creation of herbal remedies; the contents of an abandoned desk. The third-person narration is agile but intimate, pulling us in close enough to feel a mother’s physical experience of grief without losing sight of the way that grief also shaped one of the greatest plays in all history.

Ell Potter’s narration was… simply beyond. A virtuoso performance that demonstrates not only vocal facility but deep compassion, subtlety, and nuance.

This is a great book to gift! Our family is peopled by ardent readers, and I’m always looking for a book to share that will satisfy a wide range of interests and personalities. HAMNET is right up there with MIGRATIONS for me—a perfect book to give again and again.

#hamnet #amreading #book review #audiobooks #fiction #maggie o'farrell #ell potter

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hello-robin-goodfellow · 4 years ago

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Top Five Favorite Books

TAGGED BY: @hmmm-what-am-i-doing

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The other famous novel by Victor Hugo. Written in 1831, Notre-Dame de Paris, known in English as The Hunchback of Notre Dame, is a rich, meandering tale that addresses messy relationships, fate, and the future of architecture in 1482. The English title is a misnomer, since the protagonist of the story is Esmeralda, the original title being a metaphor on the cathedral who serves as the central location of the novel, and Esmeralda herself (though one could argue the cathedral is itself a character). Victor Hugo strongly protested against the English title, as it turns the focus from the cathedral onto the characters.

The hunchback is Quasimodo, the deaf, one-eyed, hunchbacked, monstrously ugly bell-ringer of Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris. Abandoned outside the church at the age of four, he was taken in out of kindness by the Archdeacon of Josas, Claude Frollo, who raised him in the church and introduced him to the bells. When the hitherto chaste Frollo sees the romani girl Esmeralda dancing in the street one day, he finds himself stricken with lust, and doesn't know how to deal with it. So, sure as Love Makes You Evil, he grabs Quasimodo (for muscle) and tries to kidnap her. The attempt is foiled by Phoebus, Captain of the Archers. It is spectacularly not foiled by lovable slacker-poet Pierre Gringoire, who gets knocked out trying to save the girl.Later that night, however, Esmeralda temporarily marries the poet, to save his life from her friends at the Court of Miracles. That doesn't mean she's going to let her new "husband" touch her, mind you, or that she's going to give up her dreams of marrying Phoebus. Phoebus likes the look of her, himself, and although he's already engaged to his teenage cousin Fleur-de-Lys, he's not opposed to a bit on the side. Esmeralda's small kindness to Quasimodo when he is in the stocks for the kidnapping attempt (Frollo having let him take the fall) makes her an angel in Quasimodo's mind, and he is henceforth devoted to her. This eventually, and painfully, puts him in conflict with Frollo, whose combination of lust and loathing for Esmeralda makes him increasingly unstable. Amidst the drama and tragedy resulting from everybody's fatal obsessions, Hugo includes leisurely chapters on the architecture of Paris and the expected impact of the newly-developed printing press.

Frankenstein

Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus, usually abbreviated to Frankstein is a novel by Mary Shelley. It was originally published in 1818. It had a 1823 reprint without Shelley's involvement and a third edition in 1831, this time with significant edits from the author. Frankenstein is considered an Ur-Example of Science Fiction and inarguably has vast historical significance.

The novel tells of Dr. Victor Frankenstein who unlocks the secrets to Creating Life. He uses this knowledge to create an artificial man, larger and stronger than most mortals, by means which he chooses not to describe. While he is initially triumphant with his success, a few moments of observing the flailing and moaning patchwork being leaves Victor disgusted by and fearful of his creation. Realizing the ramifications of his success, he is horrified. He abandons the Creature and flees to his family's estate. In his absence, the Creature is forced to come to grips with suddenly finding itself alive and alone without explanation or guidance. He learns about humanity by watching a family cottage from afar, but is again driven off when he attempts to offer his friendship- one of many bad run-ins with humanity which leave the monster bitter and cynical. Eventually, the Creature comes to resent his creator, whom he views as his father, for abandoning the Creature to a life of torment, and decides to come home to seek vengeance against Frankenstein...

The subtitle, The Modern Prometheus, compares Victor Frankenstein to the Greek titan Prometheus, who brought the secret of fire from Mount Olympus to mortal men, reflecting on Frankenstein's spiritual would-be theft of the secret to creating life — but like Prometheus, Frankenstein also came to regret his transgression.note Many would say that Frankenstein was the ultimate warning of Science Is Bad, though similar stories were common throughout the industrial revolution and it is not even clear whether the act of creating the Monster was bad in itself, if the world wasn't ready for it, or Frankenstein was just a horrible and abusive parent.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

One Hundred Years of Solitude is a 1967 novel that won Gabriel García Márquez the Nobel Prize for Literature. It's become a staple of Spanish-speaking high school curricula everywhere. Arguably one of the most important pieces of literature written in the 20th century, or to put in context, almost as important as Don Quixote to Spanish speaking literature. Famous, among other things, for using every conceivable trope one could ever hope to fit in 28.8 oz of paper.

The book follows the story of the Buendía family and the town they create, Macondo, from its foundation to its end. Of course, it is told in a non-linear fashion with every generation having the same few names, as well as the same basic attributes (except for a pair of twins whose names are thought to have been accidentally switched at some point). Alongside the story of the Buendía family, there are an abundance of vignettes recounting both the everyday and the supernatural occurrences that shape the lives of the inhabitants of Macondo. The themes range widely, incorporating legendary figures (such as the Wandering Jew), historical events (Sir Francis Drake’s bombing of Rioacha, the Massacre of the Banana growers), and short stories about the love of two minor characters who never get to interfere with the main action. Believe it or not the story takes place in a time span of a hundred years.

Netflix has announced that it will be adapting the story into a television series.

The Arabian Nights

The Arabian Nights, correctly known as The Tales of One Thousand and One Nights (Farsi Hezār-o yek šab, Arabic Kitāb 'alf layla wa-layla), is a massive collection of Fairy Tales drawn from sources as far apart as the Middle East, North Africa, India, and, to an extent, even China and Greece. It has for centuries shaped the European view of the [relative to Europe] "(Near) East" or "Orient", even though only some of the stories are widely known. In fact, early Arabic-language versions only contain about 300 nights. The 701 others were added later; most of the additions were by Arab writers, but European translators added some other folktales they'd collected in their editions. Some of these additions were based on other Arabian sources, but others, including Aladdin and Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, were stolen by Antoine Galland (the French translator) from Syrian Maronite writer Hanna Diyab, who recounted those tales to Galland and based them on various aspects of his own life. Diyab's autobiography was found in 1993 and greatly expanded our understanding of these stories.

The Framing Device for the story cycle is the tale of King Shahryar and Shahrazad. The King's first wife had cheated on him, so he had her executed. Then, feeling that no woman could be trusted, he hit upon a plan only a powerful and insane tyrant could pull off: He'd marry a woman, spend the night with her, and then, in the morning, send her off to the royal Wazir (chancellor) to be executed. No woman would ever betray him again! After a great many wives were executed in this manner (Richard Burton's translation says the King did this for three years, which would be about 1,100 wives), the Wazir was running out of marriage prospects to present to the King. Then the Wazir's daughter, Shahrazad, came to him with a plan. Since her plan involved marrying the King, the Wazir objected in the strongest manner possible, but nothing would deter the girl, and finally he brought her to the King.

Come the wedding night, once he started putting the moves on her, she feigned becoming upset, and pleaded to see her younger sister one last time. The King acquiesced, and allowed Shahrazad's sister Dunyazad to stay in the room with them until dawn. Even while they consummated the marriage. Awkward. After that and the three of them went to sleep, the sisters woke up at midnight. Just as planned, Dunyazad asked Shahrazad to tell her a story, but by the morning she was not finished, and ended the story on a Cliffhanger. The awoken King was so hooked on the story that he postponed the execution for one night, in order to hear the rest. But after Scheherazade ended that story, it was still the middle of the night, and she started up another story, again ending on a cliffhanger in the morning. The nightly routine continued. Some of the stories were simple, some complex and multi-layered; sometimes a character in one story would begin to tell a second story, and sometimes the story was never actually ended because Scheherazade had gone on two or three layers and never returned to wrap up. Or sometimes she claimed she didn't know the ending, but had another tale that was even more intriguing than the unfinished one. But all of the stories were so compelling that the King could never bear to order her execution without hearing the ending. So Shahrazad kept up the stories for three years — in the meantime bearing Shahryar three sons — and finally, after 1,001 nights, she said that she had told all of her tales and was ready to die. But the King had fallen in love with her, and had been calmed by her entrancing stories. He declared that no woman in the kingdom was as wise as Shahrazad, and he made her his queen for keeps this time, and they lived Happily Ever After.

Unlike many legends which deal primarily with the deeds of the nobility (who after all were the ones who could afford to have a bard as a permanent resident at their palaces), Arabian Nights has the fascinating twist that it covers people from myriads of occupations in a highly-complex society.

The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana

A novel by Umberto Eco.

Yambo Bodoni has a problem. After suffering a stroke, he lost his episodic memory. Now he can't remember his name, family, or any aspects of his life. Thanks to a lifetime of work as an antiquarian book dealer in Milan, however, he can recall anything he's ever read. In order to rediscover his lost past, Yambo heads to his childhood hometown of Solara. As he pores through old newspapers, comics, and magazines, Yambo - and the reader - get glimpses into the often tragic and bittersweet reality of a boy coming of age in Italy during World War II.

#hmmm-what-am-i-doing #ask game #tag game #top five ask

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otherpplnation · 7 months ago

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Alexandra Kleeman on Los Angeles, Filmmaking, Boredom, Adaptation, Todd Haynes, Writing, Idealism, Cynicism, Hamlet, Climate Change, and Public Breakdowns

In today's flashback, an outtake from Episode 732, my conversation with author Alexandra Kleeman. The episode first aired on October 13, 2021.

Kleeman is the author of the novel Something New Under the Sun (Hogarth Press). Her other books include the story collection Intimations and the debutnovel You Too Can Have a Body Like Mine, which was a New York Times Editor's Choice. Her fiction has been published in The New Yorker, The Paris Review, Zoetrope, Conjunctions, and Guernica, among other publications, and her other writing has appeared in Harper's, The New York Times Magazine, Vogue, Tin House, n+1, and The Guardian. Her work has received fellowships and support from Bread Loaf, the Djerassi Resident Artists Program, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and the Headlands Center for the Arts. She is the winner of the Berlin Prize and the Bard Fiction Prize, and was a Rome Prize Literature Fellow at the American Academy in Rome. She lives in Staten Island and teaches at the New School.

***

Otherppl with Brad Listi is a weekly literary podcast featuring in-depth interviews with today's leading writers.

Available where podcasts are available: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, etc.

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kaistome · 5 years ago

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Magic Weapons: More Than Just A ‘+1 Longsword’

So often as DMs we hand our players a +1 or +2 magic weapon and move on. To the player this weapon now only has a purely numerical and mechanical value. It does not feel special or unique. In most fiction when a character receives a magic weapon, its is given a sense of weight or the weapon has some sort of unique quality that has nothing to do with its capabilities as a weapon.

This should be true of the weapons your players receive as well. This item may be their trusted weapon for several levels. It should feel iconic or special in some way. Even if at the end of the day from a pure numbers perspective its just a ‘+1 Longsword.’

Perhaps the weapon has a history. And it was handed down through a family for generations. The weapon could be clasped in the hands of long dead hero, or king, completely untarnished by time. There could be a local legend about it, such as a noble warrior losing it in a cave in a battle with a giant beast.. Or it struck the killing blow against a foul villain in times past, thus earning a reputation.

Another way to make the weapon feel special is to give it a name. This alone can be the difference between just a pretty good sword and the chosen weapon of a hero. These names could be related to the deeds that were mentioned previously. Named by the hero who wielded it, the smith who forged it, or the common folk who knew of the deeds it was involved in.

Example “Using a quick spell, the wizard remarks about the swords magical qualities. The bard rolls for History getting an 18. Through his travels, he's heard of a blade that matches this ones description. Long ago, it was wielded by the hero Felia Redmane. She and her party faced off against an evil warlord named Volgaz, who had terrorized the land. It was near dawn, when Felia and Volgaz crossed swords. They exchanged blow after blow, and Volgaz eventually knocked her to the ground. On the horizon, the sun began to slowly rise and as Volgaz raised his sword for the killing blow, Felia did the same to defend. Her blade had an unnatural gleam, catching the first rays of sunlight. Blinded, Volgaz staggered back, allowing Felia to rush in, and thrust the blade into Volgaz's heart. He was defeated, and the land was saved. Because of the tale, the people of the land gave the blade a name.

Dawn's Hope”

The story of the blade does not have to be as epic as this one. It could have a humble origin. Enchanted by a local hedgewizard, and wielded by a farmer. Who used it to fight off and scare away a group of bandits, and thus became a local town hero. The story could even be silly. Forged by one of the greatest smiths in the land for the crown prince. It was a masterwork, worthy of great praise. However, on his first journey with the sword, the prince accidentally dropped the weapon into a lake, where it sank to the bottom, never to be seen again.

As mentioned above, many magic weapons in fiction have some of unnatural quality about them, that makes them special. Beyond just hitting things good. Listed on the table below are a list of minor magical qualities a weapon can have. You can choose them randomly or cherry-pick a few to fit your purposes. Some of these qualities could also apply to other magic items to give them more flavor, and uniqueness.

Weapon Quality table 1. Blood, grime and dirt slide off of the weapon, and it always stays perfectly clean. 2. The weapon does not cast a shadow 3. It is faintly warm, tingly or cold to the touch. 4. Runes, filigree or other arcane symbols are inscribed on the weapon. 5. The weapon glows a certain color when a type of creature is near. 6. The weapon responds to a particular school of magic, vibrating or resonating when that particular magic is near. 7. The weapon has a faint visible aura around it. 8. The weapons handle or blade is set with a precious gemstone that pulses with magical light 9. The weapon creates a contrail of light when you swing it. The light may even have certain patterns inside of it. Like flowers, stars, or snowflakes. 10. While you hold the weapon, your eyes faintly glow. 11. The story of a hero who wielded the weapon is engraved upon it in some way. 12. The weapon has a certain murderous intent. When you touch it, you can sense it wants to be drawn and used.

On the more mechanical side of things. Here is a selection of tags and enchantments that you can mix, match, and apply to magic weapons. Much like the first table, some of these qualities could be applied to other magic items. (A note on ranged weapons. Most of these qualities listed below can be applied to a bow, crossbow or the like. Its magic enchanting any projectile shot from it with the enchantment)

New Magic Weapon Tags

Frostforged(Any weapon): This weapon was crafted using ancient techniques of frost giant smiths. It is frigidly cold to the touch, ice and frost sometimes collecting on its surface. As a bonus action, you can speak the weapon's command word, and cause it to be completely consumed in an aura of frost. While the aura of frost is active, you have resistance to fire damage and the weapon deals an extra 2d6 Cold damage on hit. The cold aura lasts until you use another bonus action to dismiss it.

Thunderfury(Any weapon):This weapons was forged to have a powerful resonate quality. As a bonus action, you can speak the weapons command word, and make it resonate with powerful sonic vibrations. While it resonates, you cannot be magically deafened or silenced, and the weapon deals an extra 2d6 thunder damage on hit. The sonic resonance, lasts until you use another bonus action to dismiss it.

Stormblessed (Any weapon):This weapon was created using well kept storm giant techniques. It makes anyone who touches it faintly tingle, hair standing on end. As a bonus action, you can speak the weapon's command word, and make it crackle with lightning. While it is surrounded with lightning, it deals an extra 2d6 lighting damage on hit. In addition, as an action, you can make a ranged weapon attack with the weapon, firing a bolt of lightning from it. The bolt has a range of 30/60 ft, and deals 2d6 lighting damage on hit. The lightning aura lasts until you use another bonus action to dismiss it.

Mithral(Any metal weapon or armor):Mithral is a silvery white metal that is lighter than steel, but as hard as dragon scales. It is extremely rare, and highly prized for its qualities. Weapons and armor forged from mithral weigh half as much as their other metal counterparts. Mithral weapons have the finesse quality even if they are heavy, or two handed. Heavy armor made from mithral is considered medium armor for the purpose of proficiency and stealth disadvantages.

Lucky(Any weapon): This weapon has been blessed by fate, and it passes on this blessing to its wielder. This weapon comes in 3 different tiers Rare, Very Rare, and Legendary. A Rare lucky weapon has the following qualities. Once per long rest, whenever you miss with this weapon, you can reroll the attack roll, taking the new result. A Very Rare lucky weapon can use this ability twice per long rest. A Legendary lucky weapon can use this ability 3 times per long rest. And in addition, its wielder has advantage on Death saving throws.

Shadowborne (Any weapon): This weapon was forged in one of the dark places of the world. Perhaps by Shadar Kai, or smiths of the Underdark. While in dim light, or darkness it deals an extra 3d4 Necrotic damage. And while you wield it, you have darkvision out to 60ft. If you already have darkvision, its range increases by 20ft

Heartseeker (Any weapon that deals piercing): This weapon faintly pulses and has a sublte bloodlust that you can sense as you hold it. This weapon crits on a natural roll of 18,19 and 20. If you crit with this weapon, you automatically pierce the heart of the creature, if it has a heart. If the creature cannot survive without its heart it dies instantly, if it can, or does not have a heart to begin with, it takes 6d6 Necrotic damage that cannot be resisted. The GM may also rule that the creature is too big for you to pierce its heart. In which case it takes the previously mentioned damage.

Keen(Any weapon that deals slashing damage): This blade is unnaturally sharp, and never loses its edge. It crits on a natural 19, or 20.

Sundering(Any weapon that deals bludgeoning damage): This weapon breaks through armored foes, shattering their defenses. If you roll a Crit against a target with this weapon, and they are wearing armor, or have natural armor, you reduce their AC by 2. This effect can stack and reduce a target's AC by a maxium of 6.

Armor Piercing (Any weapon that deals piercing):This weapon is made specifically to deal with armored foes. It ignores 1 point of AC on any target with armor or natural armor.

Cleaving(Any weapon that deals slashing or bludgeoning):If you hit with this weapon, you can make a second attack roll with the same action against another target within 5ft of the original. On hit, you deal half the damage you dealt to the original target.

Bane:This weapon deals double damage against a creature of a particular type. (Fiend, Dragon, Undead etc.)

Aetherium(Any weapon that is made of metal): Aetherium is a very rare and expensive alloy. Made from a composite of several metals and quenched in liquid magical energy. Any weapon or armor forged form Aetherium naturally has a +1 to hit and damage. Weapons constructed of Aetherium have the ability to deal extra damage to ethereal beings, or creatures made of made of magical energy. Such as ghosts, elementals and the like. Such creatures take 2d6 extra damage of the weapons damage type from this weapon. Armor made from Aetherium grants wearer protection from magic, granting them advantage on all spell saving throws. And immunity to any spell that is 2nd level or lower.

Gleaming(Any weapon that is made of metal): This weapon sparkles and glitters with an unnatural sheen. Once per encounter, if you are in bright, or dim light, you can use a bonus action to reflect the light around you into a creatures eyes who is within 5 feet of you. They must make a Con save against a DC equal to 8+ attack modifier+proficiency. Becoming blinded until the end of their next turn.

Vampiric(any weapon):Whenever you deal damage with this weapon, you gain temporary hit points equal to your damage modifier.

Brutal(Any weapon with the two handed, or heavy quality):Whenever you deal damage with this weapon, you may add your Strength modifier to the damage roll twice instead of once.

Hellforged(Any weapon):A weapon forged in the fires of the 9 hells of Baator. It has an unholy aura and hungers for conflict. Any creature that is Chaotic, or Good aligned takes 3d6 extra damage of the chosen damage type. Fire, Cold, Lightning or Necrotic(this damage type is chosen upon its forging and cannot be resisted)

Giantslayer(Any weapon):A weapon forged to kill giant beasts and humanoids. Any creature that is Large or bigger takes double damage from this weapon. You have advantage on all attack rolls made against such creatures.

Ominous(Any weapon): This weapons gives off an aura that gives nearby creatures a sense of unease. While you carry this weapon, you have advantage on all Intimidation checks.

Feyblessed(Any weapon):This weapon was forged by fey magic and touched by their blessing. While you wield this weapon, you have advantage on saving throws against being charmed. And on any Perception or Investigation checks to see through illusions.

Venomous(Any weapon): This weapon drips with deadly venom. Weapons of this type are a favorite of Assassins. On hit, this weapon deals 3d4 poison damage. If the venomous weapon is of a higher quality or potency it deals 4d4 instead of 3d4 poison damage. And it has the following benefits. Its poison damage cannot be resisted. Any creature who takes damage from this weapon, who is not immune to poison and is below 50 hit points must make a DC 16 Constitution saving throw. Dying instantly on a failed save.

New Magic Weapons

Blink Dagger, uncommon, Weapon, This finely crafted dagger is perfectly balanced and is set with a shimmering sapphire. As a bonus action, you can speak the Dagger's command word. As long is the dagger is within 1 mile of you and is on the same plane of existence, it appears in your hand with a small burst of blue sparks. It is otherwise a normal dagger.

Tsukikage, Legendary,Weapon,Requires attunement

“This blade was said to have been forged in the Astral Plane by the legendary smith Murasame. It was their life's greatest work, and the sword is known throughout the multiverse. Its blade shimmers with an ever shifting pattern of the Astral Plane, never losing its sharpness.”

This weapon is considered a +3 Masterwork, Keen Vorpal Longsword. In addition to dealing its normal damage die, it also deals 1d8 force damage on hit. The sword also holds powerful illusion magic and can cut through the fabric of planes. Up to a number times per day, it can allow you to cast the following spells

3 times/day:Blur,Mirror Image 2 times/day: Dimension Door 1 time/ day: Plane Shift

Glint And Glimmer, Very Rare, Weapon, Requires attunement

“A pair of finely crafted shortswords. Many generations ago, a meteorite fell toward the earth, streaking across the sky like a shimmering ball of light. As it crashed, the meteorite was split into two halves. An elven smith, by the name of Arandel happened upon the crater. He was struck by the beauty of the glittering ore inside of the rock. Upon smelting, he forged the ore on one of the highest mountain tops. Where his workshop was bathed by the first rays of the sun each morning. Seeming to be blessed by the gods of light and the sun, the blades were soon complete.”

These paired +2 Shortswords are made of an iridescent gold metal. Though they are two weapons, they only require 1 attunement slot to attune to both.

Whenever you hit a creature with one of these shortswords, it explodes with a burst of light, dealing 2d6 radiant damage in addition to its normal damage. As an action on your turn, you can cross the swords together, to create a burst of blinding sunlight in a 30ft sphere around you. All hostile creatures that can see you, and are within the sphere must make a Constitution saving throw against a DC equal to 8+attack modifier+ your proficiency. On a failed save, the creature takes 3d6 radiant damage, and is blinded until the end of its next turn. If the creature succeeds, it takes half damage and is not blinded. This ability can be used up to 3 times per long rest.

Thunderchime, Rare, Weapon, Requires attunement

“In the hills to the north, a clan of hill dwarves was beset by a Wyvern. All the warriors who were sent out to slay it, were injured or worse, slain by the ferocious beast. Seeking to put an end to this, a humble dwarven smith, named Trista Gildsong, put all of her blood sweat and tears into the crafting of this weapon. When the last hammer blow came, the weapon let out a powerful chime, like the tolling of bell. It was a sign, foretelling of Trista's victory against the beast the next morn.”

This +1 Morningstar is made of a silvery shining metal. It has a powerful resonate quality, like that of a bell.

Whenever you hit a creature with this weapon it takes an additional 1d8 Thunder damage. The weapon can also be struck on a solid surface to create a powerful wave of sound in a 10ft radius. All creatures in the radius must make a DC 14 Constitution saving throw, becoming deafened for the next minute on a failure.

Heart Piercer, Very Rare, Weapon, Requires attunement

“Long ago, a lone woman returned to her home, to find it ransacked. Her family devoured by a giant beast. With anger and vengeance in her heart she tracked down the creature that had done this. Her arrows and spear however, could not pierce its thick hide, and so she sought the help of a Ranger conclave. She learned their ways, seeking to become the ultimate hunter. Upon the completion of her training she poured all of her anger, malice and hunger for vengeance into the creation of a bow. A bow that would finally slay the beast who took her family from her.”

This finely crafted Ominous Long Bow is made of dark red oak. The face of a roaring beast, made of inlayed gold, decorates its surface. Its ominous aura is a ferocious killing intent, and a thirst for blood.

All arrows fired from this bow have a +2 to hit and damage have the Heartseeker quality, and are considered magical. A contrail of red energy follows in the arrows wake and transforms into the face of a hungry beast. Seeking to devour its prey.

Trollbane, Very Rare, Requires attunement

“This masterwork greatsword, was forged by an azer smith on the plane of fire. Through happenstance, it eventually found itself in the hands of a dragonborn paladin. He took the blade with him on many adventures not fully knowing the blades true power. One day, the paladin found himself against a monstrous Troll king. The two battled in a titanic struggle. In one final desperate move, the paladin shouted a curse in ancient draconic tongue and struck. The blade responded, igniting in flames, the runes upon its blade shimmering red. The troll king faltered and the paladin cleft him in twain, his body burning to ash. And thus, it earned its name”

This +1 Masterwork,Bane(giant),flametongue greatsword is set with a ruby upon its pommel. The weapon's guard is the mouth of a dragon like beast, the blade extending from its mouth like a giant tongue. When the sword's command phrase is spoken 'Chikok wux wer wlekjr' (Curse you to the Nine) it ignites in flames and crimson runes glow along its surface.

Winterfall, Legendary, Requires attunement

“On the coldest night of winters, in the highest mountains of the north, this weapon was forged. An ancient frost giant named Hildr was reaching the end of her days. She knew she did not have long. And so she sought to create her last great work. With the finest steel, she began to work. Her forge burned with magical flames that were as cold as true fire was hot. Within that forge, she crafted a hammer. Pouring her heart, and soul into its creation. Through the night, she worked and worked. Never stopping. It was morning when the last hammer blow fell, then looking upon her work, she smiled. Her life then left her, granting the weapon its name with her dying breath.”

This +3 Sundering, Frostforged maul, is marked with its name, in ancient giant runes. The runes glow the deepest blue in the dark, and the weapon is always cold to the touch. When its command word is spoken, its strikes are infused with the blessings of the frost giants. Its blows striking like an avalanche and its touch as cold as the deepest winter.

Tongue Of Dendar, Legendary, Requires attunement

“Long before men walked the earth, Yuan ti ruled. In that time before man and the other races we know today, Dendar, the night serpent blessed one of his greatest priests with a powerful gift. A weapon that held a fraction of his essence. It seemed to move as if it were alive, slithering and writhing. Eager to strike at any who would dare speak ill of the night serpent.”

This +2 , Venomous, Ominous, whip deals 1d8 slashing damage instead of 1d4. Its length is coated in thick dark scales, several curved blades jutting along it. And tipped with one final blade. While you are attuned to this weapon, your mind is plagued by horrifying nightmares when you dream. Each time you have a nightmare, you must make a DC 16 Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, you suffer one level of exhaustion. This exhaustion cannot be removed until you succeed on the saving throw. Even when you are awake, you can occasionally hear it whisper to you faintly.

Also while attuned to this weapon, you can speak with snakes at will as if by the Speak with animals spell. You can also cast the following spells a certain number of times per day.

5 time/day Dissonant Whispers 4 times/day Darkness 3 times/day Fear 2 times/day Blight 1 times/day Cloudkill

Albion, Very Rare,Requires attunement

“Long ago, there was a silver unicorn, who protected one of the many groves of the feywild. She was considered a queen among the unicorns, respected and revered. One day, a portal to the shadowfell encroached upon the grove and a nightwalker strode into the grove. With all her strength, she battled the beast and was victorious. However, her wounds were fatal, and she began to pass on. With her dying breath, she poured the last of her magic into her horn, and separated it from her body. The horn was later found by a group of Fey nobles who used the horn, to forge a powerful weapon that would be used to defend the feywilds. In memory of the Unicorn queen, Albion.”

This +2 Masterwork, Lucky, Armor piercing, Feyblessed rapier's blade is made from the spiraling horn of a unicorn. The horn glitters faintly in the light like silver dust. Its guard and basket hilt are composed of iron wood, weaved into a complex, delicate pattern. This weapon has a subtle will of its own, and will not willingly harm Fey creatures. Any attack made against Fey with this weapon has disadvantage.

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