#BUT make sure you go to a practitioner who knows what they are doing!

[rose-lily-hale]

not to be a country folk on main but.... when in doubt slap some raw potato on it!

i have and abscess on my stomach an very time my shorts move its hell. i've tried antibiotic ointment and drawing salve and acetaminophen and NOTHING

my bff was like oh just put some potato on in it!

and i'm like 🤔why didn't i think of that??? (but i'm so wrapped up in school work now i forgot the very existence and cold and hot compresses 👀)

anyway grated a potato up and as soon as the juices touched my skin it was sweet relief

(also helps on cuts and scrapes) :)

[dailyadventureprompts]

So, from a worldbuilding perspective, wizards have schools, right? It's an easy 1:1 to go from the idea of people who gets their magic from study to the cultural touchstone of academia, and that helps us figure out what institutions and cultural norms are like in our setting.

Correspondingly, clerics have temples, place where their connection to the divine was fostered among a community of fatihful who share their devotion if not their magical gifts. If you were in a d&d world and needed someone with cleric skills, you'd head toward a temple.

But what do Sorcerers have? They're usually presented as one off oddballs or magical oddities but if power exists it's a logical consequence of worldbuilding that there's going to be institutions dedicated to preserving and refining that power.

I'm going to argue that Sorcerers have dynasties, an extended family who share the collective potential for inheriting the magical gift of their powerful ancestor(s). Dynasties would likely be closely tied to the reigning power structure, extended privileges and patronage the same way that noble families are in exchange for their marital support. If you were a ruler in a d&d world, having Battlecasters on hand to shore up your powerbase is just as important as having cavalry and footmen, so you want to make sure the people who are capable of passing down their magical gift are having kids so that their heirs can support your heirs.

This puts a sorcerous dynasty in an interesting position depending on how people in your world think that magic is inherited. Is the gift recessive? Do you breed for it or follow your heart? Are you having too few children or too many? How does that factor into material inheritance? What do you do with all the children who don't show signs of being able to do magic? What if the gift skips a generation or two one of THEIR children show signs of sorcery? Can you let them marry into other families knowing you might be giving away some of your power? Could you use that as a political bargaining chip? How do you handle bastards? What's your stance on monogomy? How do you handle fertility issues? Is the magic waning over time or is it just diluted or are none of your heirs just not living up to your potential? Is there some unadvised ritual or alchemy or dark pact you can make to restore greatness to your line or awaken dormant potential? Does intermarriage with other magical practitioners of different disciplines strengthen or weaken the chance of inheritance? Is there a way to bend politics in your favour to ensure you get this infusion of new blood? Is that baseborn adventurer with the sorcerous gifts a threat to your power or a potential spouse for your firstborn?

All these are brilliant adventureseeds that I don't think I've seen explored all that often. There's only a specific type of player and a specific type of adventure that are concerned with court politics/brigerton style affairs of the nobility, but making those nobles into spell-slinging-sorcerers make them FAR more relevant characters for the background of an adventure.

[januaryembrs]

MY BABY, HERE ON EARTH | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [BONUS]

Description: the NINE months of pregnancy

Word count: 10.9k

warnings: pregnancy duh, babies, giving birth, c-section, ummm body fluids? lots of emotions, nausea & sickness, talks of weight gain and stretch marks.

authors note: y'all... there you have it. I will be back to finish their story but until then this is my goodbye piece until I have finished my hiatus to write my own book and start uni (again). I can't wait to take these two (three) on the final lap they deserve but for now.. I hope you enjoy pookies being pookies.

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MONTH ONE. The one where she finds out.

She hadn’t meant to find out when she did. It had been just a routine implant swap that she’d had twice already in the last six years. 

“Any blood clotting, any pain at all?” The nurse asked, jotting down a few notes on her form as she sat back on the bed and waiting for the numbing cream to take hold. 

She shook her head. “It’s weird as hell to feel and when I think about it too long it freaks me out, but no, no pain,” She said and the nurse chuckled, nudging her glasses up her nose.

“And finally, is there any chance that you’re pregnant?” She asked, no doubt having rehearsed the same script about thirty times that day alone.

Bugsy gave her a flat smile, “Small chance, but I guess that’s what this is for, huh?” 

The nurse looked at her then, as if mulling over the words before she said something, “Small chance?”

“I mean, nothing is a hundred percent effective,” Bugsy tried to weasel her way out of the awkward conversation, because she had absolutely no intention of letting the nurse know her and Spencer had been at it like bunnies since the Hotch had forced them to take medical leave. Who knew having so much time on her hands with her very handsome boyfriend would have that effect? 

The nurse pursed her lips, and already the woman felt like she’d said too much. 

“Alright, we’re going to do a routine test, just need a quick urine sample,” Bugsy felt her cheeks heat, though she was in no position to argue. Her discomfort must have been more obvious than she thought, however, as the nurse went on to explain, “If I give you this implant and there’s a fertilised egg, it can lead to ectopic pregnancy, in which case you’ll need surgery. Trust me, honey, peeing in a cup is your easy option,” 

She gave the practitioner a small nod, wondering if she needed to message Spencer to say she’d be running a little late. She knew he was likely doing the sudoku in the waiting room magazine, since he’d refused to let her come alone. And even though she’d told him she would be fine on her own, he’d seen through it, had even offered to get her ice cream on the way home for putting on a brave face. 

And yet her face was nothing short of horror struck not even half an hour later when the nurse showed her the stick with empathetic eyes. 

“Congratulations,” The woman said cautiously, a fake smile plastered on her face as the girl stared at her, utterly gobsmacked. 

“But, I thought…” Bugsy stammered, running a finger over where the nurse had removed her implant, “But I had everything ready, I never let it get late, I did what I was supposed to,” 

“You said it yourself, honey, nothing is a hundred percent effective besides abstinence-” 

“That’s just what parents say to make sure their kids aren’t banging every Tom, Dick and Harry out there!” Bugsy was near screeching, the worry in her tone clear as a bell and her chest hot with panic. 

Pregnant. She was pregnant, there was no way she could be…

Except there was exactly a way she could be, seeing as she struggled even on a dry spell to keep her hands off Spencer longer than a few days at a time. And he was just as bad.

The nurse huffed, rifling through her drawers for a handful of pamphlets. She passed them to Bugsy whose mouth was still bobbing with more expletives she held herself back from saying, and it wasn’t until she saw the happy couple on the front of the first one, holding a very swollen and round bump that she thought she might be sick. 

Comical timing, she hissed at herself. 

“There are always options, sweetheart. Abortion is legal in Virginia, if that is what you decide, however there is always information and support that we recommend looking into before you make a solid decision,” Her response was professional even though her expression was compassionate, and Bugsy knew she must have looked scared because that was exactly how she felt and she had little to no room to hide it. 

Abortion? Is that what she wanted? Except it wasn’t just about what she wanted, it was what Spencer wanted too. Even if he would argue against that being the case in a heartbeat, even if he would tell her she had every right to be the only one to make a decision, no matter what he thought. But maybe it wasn’t so much about needing his opinion for that reason, and more it was because she had absolutely no clue what to do and Spencer was always good at making sense of the things she didn’t know how to deal with. 

She nodded silently, her mouth dry as sandpaper as she took the leaflets and stuffed them in the bottom of her purse where she hoped Spencer wouldn’t go looking. 

She barely remembered standing on liquid legs, barely remembered the way her chest felt tight and her head spun as she thought of the fact her body had a baby growing inside it. 

No, it wasn’t a baby. Not yet. It was likely the size of a grain of sand, miniscule. That wasn’t a baby, that was nothing. 

But it would be. Eventually. It would be hers and Spencer’s baby.

And she wanted to tell him, wanted to tell him the second she saw him there in the waiting room, his head shooting up the second the door opened and she left looking a little ill and shaken. 

“All done? Everything go as normal?”  He preened, standing immediately as she neared him, his hand immediately weaving around her shoulder to pull her close by. Gently, ofcourse, because she had a big, fat bandage where her implant should have been. 

“Y-yeah,” She stammered, hoping he didn’t hear the shake in her throat. Yet she knew immediately that he did. Because he leaned in to give her a delicate kiss to her forehead not even a moment later, “C-can we go straight home, I’m not feeling ice cream anymore,” 

He looked worried, as anyone who knew her would because Bugsy turning down free pudding was a blaring red siren in his eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” He said, stroking a gentle hand over the side of her head and leading her where he’d parked the car. 

And it was that worry, the same cloud that hung over him for months with Scratch and his mom and the Dirty Dozen and everything else that was put onto his shoulder that made her shut her mouth right then and there. He didn’t need one other thing to contend with, not when he was already carrying the weight of the world. 

And so she wouldn’t tell him. Not yet at least.

MONTH TWO. The one with the scan.

“Spence, would you stop worrying, I’m sure everything will be fine,” She urged in the gentlest tone she could muster. Yet she was a hypocrite, because she felt her hands shaking as she sat in the chair, trying to adjust her sleeves for something to do and Spencer stopped his leg from bouncing. 

Looking over at her, he sighed, holding out a large palm and weaving her fingers in between his and she flicked a look over at him, her own eyes nervous. 

“I’m sorry,” He gave her a guilty smile, “If it helps, it’s half excitement too,”

And she smiled then, shaking her head as he squeezed her hand gently. 

“Me too,” She confessed, looking down at her stomach that didn’t seem all too different than usual. She’d felt a few symptoms up until this point, a bit of nausea but that was nothing she couldn’t handle, headaches here and there. But it wasn’t anything exactly life changing that she’d expected when she’d always thought of pregnancy. 

If anything, none of it felt real quite just yet. Having only been a few weeks since she’d told Spencer, they’d spent the majority of the time searching for houses and appointments and gynaecologists and neonatal care, and whenever they were free, they were trying to get used to the idea of the two of them as parents.

“Did you know they’re around half an inch long by now,” Spencer said, his hazel eyes falling to where her shirt hid her stomach that had yet to change no matter how many times he stared at it, “About a third of that is made up of their head,”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” She shrugged, stroking her thumb along the edge of his pinky finger, “It’s your kid, they’re going to have biggest brain out there,” 

He snickered, lifting her hand to press a kiss to the back of it softly, “If they have even half your brains, we’re going to be raising the next Galileo,” 

“Mr and Mrs Reid,” Their heads shot up at the midwife, Bugsy fumbling for words to correct him as the two of them stood up to greet him with bashful smiles. She didn’t need to look at Spencer’s face to know he’d gone bright red. 

“It’s uh, Prentiss-Reid,” Spencer spluttered as they entered and the nurse looked again at his chart with wide eyes, his cheeks a little pink himself and he ushered the two of them into his office with a smile. 

“So it is, I do apologise,” He said earnestly, holding a hand out to gesture Bugsy to sit on the reclining bed, “I hate to stereotype, but usually when dad books the appointments, its because their wives are already doing a hundred other things,” 

“It’s okay, it happens,” She said with an awkward chuckle, avoiding Spencer’s eyes because they still hadn’t had that talk. Even though she knew her mother would frown at her grandchild being born a bastard, she didn’t care much for Elizabeth’s opinion. It wasn’t like marriages had ever led to good things for her mother anyway. 

She hopped up onto the examination cot, her heart quivering just the slightest in worry because the smell of bleach and rubber made the whole thing real. Until then, having a grain of rice growing inside her seemed like a fever dream since she’d only had a handful of side effects, throwing up could have easily been passed off as bad chicken, the head aches could have just been her eyes straining from using her computer too much. 

“Okay, everything feels okay, Mom? Nothing concerning at all?” And then the midwife said things like that, mom, and the part of her that almost forgot she was pregnant came to a screeching halt. 

She’d be a mom. Someone would call her mom. The thought of it made her suck in a breath.

“Uh, no.” She cleared her throat and felt Spencer grab her hand, “Morning sickness is kicking my ass, but nothing worrying,”

The nurse chuckled, and she felt Spencer rubbing his thumb over the back of her palm, his eyes burning into the side of her head. 

“Well, if it’s alright, I need you to lift your shirt up a little so we can have a see what’s going on,” He said with a kind smile, and she realised then he’d slipped latex gloves over his hands, and brandished a bottle of gel. 

She nodded absently, doing as he said and lifting her shirt to sit under her breasts, drawing the hem of her skirt down so he had a space to apply. And the second he did she sucked in breath through her nose, the cold of the air conditioning chilling her to her marrow, and she tried telling herself that’s why her hands were shaking. 

She felt Spencer’s fingers curve through her hair, and she reminded herself to breathe, looking over at him with nervous eyes she hoped he didn’t see straight through. But judging by the way he scooted the chair forward and gave her an encouraging smile, she guessed he’d seen the flicker of doubt in an instant. 

“It’s okay, it’s going to be fine,” He murmured, his own fear buried deep somewhere she couldn’t see anymore the second she had been the one to look to him for help. She knew she wanted this, knew she’d always dreamed of Spencer and her having their happily ever after. She knew whenever she’d let herself think of a little boy with chocolate curls and hazel eyes that she wanted all of that and more. 

But it was all so… real. Like seeing a movie come to life, and she was starring centre stage. Her body wasn’t a disposable shell that held thirty plus years of stupid mistakes and regrets and tattoos she’d decided she hated now. Her body had a whole other human inside it. 

The midwife clicked the machine on, the transducer wand ready in his hand as he gently put it on her lower stomach, barely a few centimetres from her panties, and she wondered why they showed the wand roaming over the woman’s belly button on tv shows since that was entirely wrong and not nearly as embarrassing. She let out a shaky breath, and Spencer stroked her head again, forcing her to give him an unsure look, like she was trying to calm herself for his sake but couldn’t.

His eyes were anxious though he squeezed her again with a smile and she saw it immediately, like he too was trying to be brave for her. 

She had never loved him so much. 

“Apologies for the shock, I know the gel can be a little cold,” The nurse said with a grin, and it was only then she realised the screen had lit up with a black and white image, one she’d seen a thousand times when she’d studied neonatal procedures for her degree. 

She knew that was her womb lining, and that was the amniotic fluid and that right there-

Bugsy froze, and judging by the way Spencer’s hand tightened around her own, he had too. She felt her mouth drop with a laugh of shock, and she sat up slightly to take a closer look at the monitor. 

“And there is baby,” The midwife said, his expression warming as he watched Spencer’s stand up to lean over the bed, not once letting go of the woman’s hand, the two of them utterly enraptured in the screen, “Probably about the size of a raspberry,”

And Bugsy laughed, her eyes lined with tears as she looked up at Spencer’s equally wetted hues. He was grinning from ear to ear when he looked down at her, and it wasn’t long before he brought his lips to her forehead, his nose and throat burning with a held cry. 

“Do you hear that? A whole raspberry already?” She said, her voice wobbling and he giggled, sitting back in his seat and rubbing his cheeks with his sleeve. “I am good at this cooking thing, might as well call me an easy bake oven,”

Spencer shook his head with another chuckle, his eyes trailing back to the little blob on the screen that looked more like a toy alien than anything else, and held her hand between both of his like he was in prayer. 

Because Spencer never believed in anything sacred and divine until he met Bugsy.

MONTH THREE. The one where they tell everyone.

“What are you doing?” Bugsy jumped out of her skin as JJ all but materialised behind her. She looked over her shoulder guiltily, her hand still half way through pouring out her mug of coffee Derek had handed her before he left to get lunch. 

She turned to see the blonde with her own steaming mug of decaf in her hands. She’d been taking the lack of caffeine much better this time around since having a second baby to breastfeed, considering she was nothing short of evil when she’d had Henry, which had been Spencer’s words not Bugsy’s. And it wasn’t as if the woman could blame her. She was grouchy when she didn’t get her regular dose even before being pregnancy, Derek had once gotten a kick to the shin when he’d disturbed her on a day she’d been too busy to grab one on her way to the office. 

She was a fiend for the bitter god. And everyone knew it. Which was exactly why JJ’s eyebrows were all but raised into her hairline seeing the girl who would usually be in the stages of withdrawal by now tipping the drink away. 

“Uh, the milk tasted funky,” She excused, though the way JJ narrowed her eyes at the poor excuse told her it hadn’t passed by a mile. 

“Right, the milk that Hotch picked up this morning?” JJ pursed her lips, sliding her own mug onto the side and jutting her hip. 

And as if he were summoned, Hotch sidled up to the kitchenette, Rossi and Tara hot on his heels as they flicked through some paperwork, and his head shot up the minute he heard his name. 

His eyes trailed to where the girl flipped her mug upside on the drying rack, and his brow furrowed. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked, and she huffed in response, wiping her hands on her jeans. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” She grumbled, shaking her head, “I don’t know what you’re all so wound up about, it’s not like I’m dying, I just don’t feel like coffee today-”

“Oh my god,” Penelope gasped where she crept behind Hotch with her very favourite octopus mug in tow, one that was nearly thrown to the floor when she heard the words pour from the girl’s mouth, “Are you sick? Like in the body or in the head? Rossi, check her pulse, I’m going to get a thermometer-”

“Pen, I’m fine,” She said unconvincingly and she tried to skirt past the group that seemed to have her surrounded. Seeing Spencer pulling up the rear in search of lunch she felt herself sigh in relief, because he would think of a much better excuse than she ever could. 

She had barely been able to keep her mouth shut for the months they had been secretly dating, and had relished in the peace it brought her when everyone knew. But the midwife had said it was common to keep things under wraps at least until the first trimester was over. Apparently the million of questions that were sure to be heading their way would cause her unnecessary stress, though she’d argue having to sneak to the sink every morning and dispose of a delicious looking coffee was torture enough. 

“What’s up?” Spencer asked as she ducked towards him, his hand consciously wrapping around her waist, and she huffed again, looking to him with a silent plea.

“They’re profiling me,” Bugsy said, and he felt his gut knot because he should have known it wouldn’t be long before they caught on. It was their job to pick apart out of the ordinary behaviour, and Bugsy going teetotal on caffeine was definitely something of a head turner.

“I told you that diet would cause a stir,” He joked, hoping they bought his pathetic attempt of an excuse, as he gave her side a gentle squeeze, and hoped that he could lead her back to her desk like she was a lost little lamb being prowled upon by nosy wolves that rarely took no for an answer. 

And it almost worked, almost, until JJ snapped her fingers and pointed at his wandering hand. 

“See that, that is the fourth time you’ve been all touchy and weird this week,” The blonde surprised, her brows furrowing, “Bugsy hates PDA, usually by now she would have whacked you over the head and called you a perv,”

Bugsy smashed her lips together because she couldn’t exactly disagree with her. That’s exactly what she usually did. Usually would tell Spencer to stop being so horny in a place of work even if she felt her cheeks heat at the delicate grabs of her stomach fat. 

But whether it was the little bean now around the size of a small lemon that had made her mellow and affectionate, or whether the lack of caffeine really was making her feel vulnerable, she wasn’t sure. And the whole thing was only made worse by Hotch’s eyes burning into the side of her, and she felt the trail of his gaze head straight for her stomach. 

“Come to think of it, I only saw you with a lime and soda at Savannah’s birthday last week,” Rossi pointed out, wagging his finger in her direction, his brown hues widening in thought, “When Penelope asked if you wanted tequila you said-”

“I’m all tequila-ed out,” Penelope chimed in with the same frown, “But that can’t be, when have you ever been tequila-ed out, that’s like impossible, even that night we had to help Spencer get you in the shower because you’d thrown up everywhere you were demanding more,”

She felt her cheeks heat thinking about her twenty ninth birthday, or atleast the parts of it she could remember of it before the rest of the gaps were filled with black spaces of time that she guessed had been robbed from her by the shots she piled on. 

“Maybe I just didn’t feel like tequila, can a girl not live in the moment?” She tried to rebuttal, only Penelope gave her a blank look that told her to try again because the Bugsy she knew would slap her for saying something so dumb. She opened her mouth to correct her again, but Hotch beat her to it. 

“You know Hayley got really affectionate a couple months into being pregnant,” The man said, his eyes swirling with something proud and warm when he saw Bugsy’s head flick to him like she’d been caught red handed, which they had. “Though, if you ask me I think she was just a little sorry for herself that I took the coffee away,”

There was a beat of silence, and the room held its breath. Even Tara, who had only known them the best part of a few months raised her hand to her mouth in shock, and Bugsy shot a look at Spencer in utter defeat. 

“We tried,” She said with her shoulders shrugging, and it was then that the office was filled with a piercing scream that turned a fair few heads and the infamous octopus mug was thrown clear across the kitchen floor, one of his tentacles snapping clean off. 

“OH MY GOD, IT’S TRUE? YOU’RE PREGNANT?” Penelope wailed like a banshee, and Bugsy couldn’t help but break into a smile, nodding at the woman who screeched again and yanked her in for a tight hug, “Oh my god, there's going to be three of you, three geniuses, three little einsteins that I want to smush together and kiss all over-” 

“Garcia, I think she needs air if she’s going to make another little genius,” Rossi said, and the tech analyst pulled away aghast, cupping Bugsy’s face that was still grinning ear to ear with a chuckle.

“Oh my god, I didn’t hurt you did I? Or the baby- Oh my god there’s a baby in there!” 

Hotch wrapped a rare yet tender arm around Spencer’s shoulder, giving him a little pat and a “Congratulations” while Rossi smiled knowingly between the couple and JJ had her turn smothering Bugsy in a tearful hug. 

And by the time Derek had walked into the office with his everything bagel hanging between his teeth and a tea in his hands, his onyx hues fell to Penelope, JJ and Bugsy exchanging weepy words while Tara handed them tissues with her own sparkling eyes.

“What fresh hell did I miss?”

MONTH FOUR. The one where she starts looking different.

She huffed, her fingers gripping the edge of her jeans and yanking them up her thighs as far as they would go. She felt like everything had shrunk in the wash, or like she was trying on a doll’s wardrobe. Surely she hadn’t gained that much weight in just a few months, but then again she’d been all but living off chocolate pudding cups since the Bean decided it wanted sugar, sugar and more sugar. 

She grunted in annoyance, her arms and back aching where she was leaning over to pull at the infernal things. She barely had a second to pout childishly, before kind hands were wrapping around her stomach and a mouth kissed at her neck tenderly. 

“What’s wrong? Talk to me,” His voice was honey sweet, thick and goopy with love overflowing as he pulled her to his chest, his hand caressed the bump that seemed to be getting in the way of her and her favourite jeans. Spencer knew she tried to ignore the symptoms that almost every woman felt during pregnancy, he knew she compared herself to how JJ had handled both pregnancies gracefully and looked better than ever even as a mother of two. He knew she hated complaining because she didn’t want him to think she was miserable carrying their kid, but god was she getting sick of her clothes pinching her in.

“I’m getting fatter,” Bugsy grumbled, her eyes darting to the vivid lines that had deepened into the crease of her hips within a few weeks and she winced, “I’m not even halfway, how does this kid want to eat pudding all the time?” 

Spencer frowned, shaking his head slightly because he refrained from telling her what a silly statement it was, knowing it would only make her feel worse, and instead pressed delicate kisses to her jaw, squeezing her closer. He’d noticed the stretch marks, just as he’d noticed her face and hips gathering weight a bit more than usual, and was just grateful there was even more Bugsy to love. 

“You’re eating for two, you’re literally growing a whole life inside of you. I think that is more than enough grounds to eat whatever you want,” He murmured, biting the inside of his cheek when she sighed as though she didn’t believe him, “Honey, clothes are replaceable. What your body’s trying to do is create a little bubble around you and this little pudding fiend so you can feed them when they’re out here,” 

Bugsy knew he was right. She’d spent well over a hundred hours researching hormone levels and how pregnant bodies are changing all hours of the day to accommodate the foetus, she knew it was normal for things to look different. Had it been on anyone else she wouldn’t have batted an eye. But it didn’t make the sting of seeing her body morph into one she didn’t recognise any less harsh.

“I know,” She hummed somewhat defeated, turning in his arms to press her face in his neck, “I just didn’t expect it to happen so fast is all,”

Spencer smiled warmly, because every day he thought she had gotten impossibly prettier. He hadn’t believed in ‘pregnancy glow’, in fact he’d chalked it down to some sort of innate scientific survival tactic that associated a vulnerable woman with looking angelic, at least not until he’d woken up to see her stomach protruding from her pyjama top in a clear curve shape and he thought her face looked like she should be in some Monet painting, dozing in a field like a wide eyed doe. 

“I know, it’s a lot for anyone to go through. But you know I’m so grateful for you,” Spencer said, and he felt her smile without even seeing it. Her fingers wove into his hair at the nape of his neck, kissing a trail up his chest because he suspected she looked somewhat embarrassed. “Besides, I’m not complaining. It means I get to do this,” 

She felt two large hands grab at the fat of her bum cheeks and she squeaked in surprise, even though she heard him laugh in her ear at her reaction. That had been another thing she’d noticed, and how could she not. Penelope said just the other day that she was ‘baking a bun in the oven and cake in the trunk’ with a little wink, and she’d had to excuse herself quickly for lack of a response. 

And Spencer wasn’t lying. He wasn’t complaining with any of it, not by a long shot. 

MONTH FIVE.  The one with the mood swings.

“So you guys really don’t want to know the sex?” JJ asked, sipping on her tea as she chatted with Bugsy who was balancing biscuits on top of her now protruding stomach. It was as if overnight the baby had stretched out enough to make themselves a damn penthouse suite in Bugsy’s tummy. 

“We want it to be a surprise, either way we’re going to love the little bean, even if they do keep kicking my bladder at four am,” She said, balancing the tenth cookie on the tower she’d made, reaching over carefully for another one, “I swear if the bean kicks my cookie tower I’m giving them a hideous name,”

“It’s good to feel the baby kicking at this stage, it helps develop their joints and bones so they’re stronger when they’re born.” Spencer inputted helpfully as he slid a fresh mug of decaf tea over to her desk.

“Next time the baby kicks your uterus walls, Spence, gimme a shout and we’ll discuss how great it is,” Bugsy said with a small smile and he paused, looking at JJ as if he was caught in a trap, suddenly well aware of his mistake. 

“Point taken,” He conceded quietly, and JJ chuckled because she’d seen Will just as hesitant to piss her off in both of her pregnancies. And she knew Bugsy would never hold it against him, that Spencer’s head just ran away from him sometimes. 

She halted her little game and carefully leaned over to draw the mug to her lips, too impatient to wait for it to cool down fully and she barely spotted Derek swooping around the corner of the desk.

“Good morning, Mommies and Daddy Genius,” He greeted in that chirpy tone, his hand snatching up the top cookie and scarfing it down before she could protest. 

Bugsy shared her snacks all the time, it was a no brainer that they took a bite here and there out of each other's goodies before they could get a smack to the wrist. And Derek had certainly noticed a few of his Rolos missing the last time he bought a pack, and a particularly cheerful Bugsy smirking at him over her desk. 

It wasn’t a huge deal, and yet Bugsy sat up in a gasp, and the entire biscuit tower fell to a crumbling mess on the floor. 

“Well done, princess, Hotch is going to-” Derek stopped mid sentence when he saw her sniffle, and his eyes widened at the sight of her eyes glistening with tears, “Bugsy- are you okay-”

“My cookies! Derek!” She whined pitifully, and she buried her face in her hands, “My cookies, I was so going to eat the shit out of those, they were gonna be so good, Derek,” 

Morgan looked gobsmacked, his head whipping between the woman leaning against the desk with an understanding smile and Spencer who was already rubbing her shoulders with his lips smashed together, trying not to laugh. 

“Honey, it’s okay, he didn’t mean to,” Her partner tried to coo, though he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the way Derek scrambled to draw out his wallet. 

“I’ll get you more, Bug, I swear, they sell them by the deli down the street, right?” He asked, jittering in his bones because he’d never made her cry before. He worried or a moment Hotch might just put him on sabbatical leave for such an offense. Emily would probably fly to Virginia just to cave his skull in, “I’m sorry, I’ll go get more, I’ll even get you strawberry milk-”

“Chocolate milk,” She wailed, and JJ slid a box of tissues over to the pitiful girl with a silent snicker. She remembered all too well the feeling of unexplained emotion crashing over her, and she didn’t doubt that the tough faced Bugsy would be back to normal any moment soon.

“Chocolate milk, got it,” Derek said, with a nod, and he all but darted for the elevators, in a hurry Spencer somewhat suspected was down to the fact he feared for his life if Penelope got a whiff of what happened.

Bugsy sniffled for a moment, drawing a tissue out the box and dabbing her eyes sullenly, her feelings slightly worse for wear even if she had a small inkling of doubt that she was really so torn up about the cookies as her body made it seem. 

But she had been thinking about them all morning; made herself promise she would only eat them once she got the stack fifteen high at least. 

“Are you okay, baby?” Spencer asked, his gaze empathetic as she snuffled her sobs into the palm of her hands. He wasn’t too worried, even if he hated seeing her cry just as much as anyone else did. And it wasn’t that he didn’t take her seriously. But when she’d been crying just that morning because her shower gel spilled on the floor and tipped almost all the way out, or even when she’d stepped on a snail walking into the building and smushed it into the ground, effectively killing it, he seemed to be getting used to her mood swings. 

She sniffed woefully, “I was really looking forward to those, and now I think I was too mean to Derek and…” Her eyes glistened with fresh tears, and the sight of it made Spencer sigh, leaning forward to kiss the side of her head because it must be difficult being so out of your usual self for nine months. 

“And what?” He prompted softly. Only she burst out crying again, reaching forward to drag him into a hug that told him she was feeling extra sorry for herself.

He wouldn’t blame her. Would sit through every weep and sob and tantrum if it meant he got to show her even more times over that he loved her endlessly. 

However he did have to hold in the giggle when she wailed; “I think I really do want strawberry milk,” 

MONTH SIX. The one with the false labour. 

She had been in Hotch’s office when she felt it. 

Embarrassingly so, her first thought was trapped gas. She’d gotten a lot of that considering the baby had decided it craved spice, and had been planning to excuse herself when it felt like her whole abdomen seized as if she’d been hit with a particularly nasty period cramp. 

Her hand flew to her stomach where she sat with Hotch reviewing her latest reports, the same quarterly check the whole team was mandated to have with their boss since Cruz became section chief. Hotch didn’t miss a beat, the folder in his hand hitting the desk in an instant as he tensed, looking at her with caution. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, and she held her breath for a moment. Spencer was out with Rossi giving a lecture in Washington DC, JJ had the day off for her mom’s birthday, Penelope and Morgan were taking Tara to lunch to show her a few more of their regular spots. It was just them and Anderson in the office for the next few hours, possibly the worst time out of any to have an empty floor. 

“Yeah- I just, woah,” Her stomach gave another lurch of a painful twist and her hand slapped on the table to keep herself steady. She breathed through the pain, because she’d had much worse only that wasn’t what was making her heart race. It was fear. Because she wasn’t due for another twelve weeks at least, and while she’d heard of baby’s being born as premature as six months, she knew premy babies suffered major complications later on, let alone the stress their body goes under during the actual birth. 

Bean, as the team had affectionately named the baby since the couple had firmly decided they didn’t want to know the sex, was about the size of red cabbage, tiny in the scheme of things even though it felt like just a few minutes ago they were a grain of rice. 

“Okay, it’s okay, stay calm,” Hotch said in a smooth voice, gentle yet reassuring as he rounded his desk in a flash and put his hand on her shoulder, “Do you feel like you need to use the toilet? Any back ache or irritability?” 

Bugsy breathed out through her nose as her lungs jittered with nerves, “N-no, I don’t need the bathroom, why would that matter?” 

Aaron stroked a large kind hand down her spine, watching her face scrunch in pain for a second time, and he slowly began directing her towards the door, taking small steps so she wasn’t rushing. “Needing to use the bathroom is an early sign of labour, it’s your body's way of helping expand your pelvis to accommodate the head. Any back ache or frustration at all?” 

He didn’t care that he’d had to repeat himself, not even when he was usually so against it, because he could feel the own unease rising in his throat like bile even if he tried to keep his face as neutral as possible. 

He would be damned if he let her see how worried he was, and so he swallowed heavily, holding his other hand out for her to take when they approached the stairs. Anderson was on his feet in seconds when he saw his unit chief leading the woman with a tightly concealed frown, fumbling around for his phone. 

“Agent Prentiss?” He exclaimed, darting around the mess of chairs and paper and desks to approach them, “Would you like me to call Dr Reid? An ambulance, perhaps?” 

“She's alright, I’m driving her to the ER, thank you Anderson,” Aaron responded politely, his hand still resting on her back, and the agent nodded, digging around for his keys. 

“I can drive, if you’d like to ride in the back with her,” Grant offered with worried eyes as Bugsy’s face crumpled in agony again, and Hotch’s head whipped to her, and his composure crumbled for a moment. 

“Bugsy, hey, it’s okay, we’re gonna be okay, honey,” He cooed, and Anderson was quick to open the glass doors, “Did you pack a bag at all-”

“No, Spencer told me I should but I said it was too early, why is that man always right,” She grumbled, her footsteps weary and jittery as the three of them got into the elevator. 

Hotch fought a smile, trying to remember everything he’d memorised before Hailey had Jack. The 5-1-1 rule blared through his head, and he glanced at his watch for a fraction of a second, and he wondered for a moment if he was going to have to write off a company vehicle for the fact his youngest agent gave birth in the back seat. 

“I’m afraid that’s just how Reid operates,” Hotch said, pulling his phone out to dial the man in question and let him know where they were headed, “It’s probably nothing, Hailey was getting cramps all the time once she reached her third trimester, but we’ll get you checked out to be safe,” 

“Really?” She looked at him with pitiful eyes and he nodded with a tight smile, committing to his illusion of calmness even if he swore he hadn’t felt so scared in months. 

Because it wasn’t just Bugsy anymore, it was Bugsy and her baby. Her and Reid’s baby. The two people who deserved their happy ending more so than anyone else he knew. 

And he felt her hand slip into his then as she accepted his answer, in fact she didn’t let go the entire time she waited on Spencer and Aaron was in no rush to leave her side. Even when she lay back on the table and had the midwife checking everything over, he stayed by her head (no doubt to avoid a very awkward conversation), stroked her hair when she fretted through a few more cramps, even when Spencer burst in through the door with Morgan at his heels looking like the two of them had just ran a marathon.

“Is everything okay- what’s wrong- do you need fluids- do you need ice-” Spencer rushed on his odd breath, his chest puffing with inhales, and he pretended he wasn’t seeing stars floating across his vision. 

“I’m assuming by your reaction you’re dad,” The nurse said, pulling off the blue gloves and dropping her mask from her mouth.

“Yes, he is, he’s dad,” Morgan filled in for him as Spencer all but fell back against the wall, because he really should have drank something other than soda and coffee this morning. He was close to swaying on his feet when he stepped over to his girlfriend, and she took his hand in the her own, or atleast the one that wasn’t occupied by Hotch’s tight hold. 

“Don’t worry, everything is alright with mom and baby,” She said, noting down a few things on her chart and the four of them took an audible sigh of relief, “Braxton Hicks contractions are very common in your final trimester, it probably felt like a lot because your baby is moving to into the anterior position ready for birth,” 

Bugsy’s head flopped back against the pillow in comfort and she forced herself to take a few deep breaths, willing her heart rate to go back to normal. Braxton Hicks, she should have known. Her head had been fuzzy the past few weeks as it was, but she supposed the moment she’d thought there might be something wrong with the Bean, all of her logic had flown out the window. 

But at least she’d had Hotch to keep her level headed, and-

“Oh my god, Anderson,” She jolted up, her legs stuck in the stirrups the midwife had place her into while she examined everything, “We need to tell Anderson, the poor guy was so worried,”

Hotch chose not to tell her he’d seen Anderson go as white as a ghost the second she’d turned her back, and instead patted her leg as Spencer went to speak to the midwife a little more, no doubt picking apart every single symptom she’d presented in that huge, worried head of his. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Anderson is fine, honey,” He said earnestly, and she looked at him like a kicked puppy, entirely sorry for the panic she’d caused, “Let’s just get you your underwear back, huh?”

MONTH SEVEN. The one where they decorate the nursery.

“What about Elias,” 

“Veto,”

Bugsy pulled a shunned expression as she carefully rolled the wallpaper up the wall. 

“Mason? Niko, stop,” She proposed, one hand on the wall while using the other to push the nosey feline away from the wet paste she’d been brushing on the wall. 

He sat politely at her chide, blinking at her with those big eyes as he watched her work with a twitching tail, almost entertained at the woman who had ballooned up in just a few weeks struggling to do a relatively easy task. 

“Hmm, Mason can go on the bench,” Spencer responded where he was sitting at the other end of the wall doing the same thing only much faster, though she’d argue it was a little easier since he wasn't carrying a large coconut strapped to his stomach.

They’d left the apartment just two weeks ago. Derek had been the one to help them cart their small amount of furniture into the modest house on the outskirts of West Springfield. It was large by Spencer’s standards, even if Bugsy had seen what grandeur looked like in her own childhood homes, but it didn’t matter. Because walls and floors and fancy grand pianos had never bought her love. Yet the first evening they’d spent in their new home they had slept on a mattress on the floor, the list of things to do the following day rattling around their heads. But they had a home. They had the picket fence with the nice school down the road and the bus stop within eyesight of the kitchen where their kid would one day walk to their door with a book bag and glasses like Spencer’s. 

She had never felt like she belonged somewhere until she had a home with him. 

“What about Ada for a girl?” Spencer called over his shoulder, where he had almost caught up to where she was still working on the small patch of wall. The paper was proving frustrating for her swollen fingers, considering the entire thing, when put together, made up a mural of little woodland creatures amidst a forest and left zero room for error, “Named after Ada Lovelace, the woman who pioneered computers,”

Considering it for a moment, she nodded, “That’s pretty. Ada makes top ten,” 

Flipping the last part up to stick against the thick glue, she ran her hands over the seams to be sure it aligned perfectly with the rest of the picture. Satisfied when it matched and a little fox stared down at her, she smiled, tilting her head up where Spencer was standing over her, watching her concentrate. 

“All done!” She chirped, and he bent down to give her a kiss to her puckered lips, sliding a hand beneath her arm to help her up. 

“Looks perfect, you’re really carrying the team honey,” He mused as she got to her feet with a little whine, wrapping her arms around his middle in a proud hug. 

“I know, what would you ever do without me?” 

He laughed, looking at her with an adoring gaze.

The light cracked through the open window, laying over her face delicately. The house was still bare, still in need of carpets and a good dusting, still had leaky pipes and ants in the pantry. Yes, they had a pantry now. But it was a start. It was a home. 

“I say we leave the cradle for another day, baby is calling for frozen grapes again,” She said, rubbing a hand over her protruding belly button and he smiled. Spencer could have sworn he was the luckiest guy in the world when he called her his friend. He thought maybe he should have bought a lottery ticket the same day she told him she loved him. The day she became his girlfriend he thinks he may have died and the past three years have been purely a dream. 

But watching the breeze kiss her cheeks and stroke her hair, watching her eyes rove over the room that would keep their baby safe and warm in just a few weeks, even seeing her smile at him like he had handed her the whole universe in a box when she was the one growing a whole human inside her; Spencer felt like his life was so much better than he ever hoped it would be. 

“Frozen grapes, coming right up,” He said, slipping his fingers in between his to help her down the winding staircase which had been a winner for her immediately. It’s like we have a castle, Spence. “You or the baby could ask for a whole damn ox and I’d give it to you.”

She laughed, holding onto the bannister as they headed downstairs to the kitchen that was in dire need of fresh paint. 

“What if I said baby wants a holiday to Cancun and another cat,” 

“I’d say baby is onto something there,” Spencer said, sweeping her from the final step and giving her a wet kiss to her head, “But first, grapes.”

MONTH EIGHT. The one where she gets cranky.

“Oh my god,” She groaned as she threw herself into her wheely chair, her button up shirt barely accommodating her stomach that was well and truly ready to pop.  

Derek Morgan loved her, he truly loved her like she was one of his sisters, dare say he had loved her since that day he’d carried her out of the church she was held hostage in by Cyrus. He had seen her at her rock bottom, had seen her graduate with flying colours, had even put his job on the line for her; covered her back from a stupid mistake at a bar when she popped a little molly on government pay. 

Derek loved her. He did. But the moment he saw her slump into her chair, her face scrunched up in frustration, he was collecting his mug of coffee and all but bolting for the door and heading straight for Penelope’s lair. 

“Back pain again?” JJ asked, flitting past a very frantic Morgan and heading towards Rossi’s office with a stack of papers in her arms. Bugsy let out something close to a growl in return, and JJ took it as a yes.

“I swear I have been pregnant for years,” She huffed, barely reaching over to where her keyboard sat at her desk. Tara nudged it forward for her to grab, because it seemed like she was on her breaking point enough as it was, and received a brief nod of thanks “I can’t remember a time when my back didn’t hurt, or my boobs were aching or my head wasn’t all fuzzy and weird and- OH for the love of god SWITCH ON YOU PIECE OF SHIT,” 

JJ’s brows raised as the keyboard mouse went flying off the side of her desk in protest, rolling straight past where Hotch and Spencer were strolling through the office, her boyfriend carrying the biggest Strawberry Milkshake he could find on this side of town. 

If Hotch wanted to say anything about her damaging property, he thought it smarter to keep his mouth shut as she swivelled to face the two of them, her expression already irritated by the worried stare they shot her way. 

“What?” She said with a bite, and Spencer raised his hands in surrender, which left her gaze to slide to Hotch. 

And Hotch loved her too, loved her more than he would ever admit. But he swore he the second her eyes clamped on his, Aaron Hotchner considered an exorcism might be necessary. 

“What, what are you staring at me for?” She snapped, throwing her hands out like a bratty teenager, and Hotch cleared his throat before he spoke, something embarrassingly close to fear shaking his vocal chords.

“Have you given any more thought to maternity leave, yet?” He asked and her eye twitched, and it was as if he saw the stapler was next on her list of things to send flying off the table, preferably straight at his head. “I would be more than happy to pull some strings so you take longer off after the baby is born, maybe even Spencer could start his paternity early-”

“What?” She said for a third time, like she was a broken record. And she knew she was being unfair, perhaps even cruelly so. But she would make it up to them later, when she was in a better frame of mind. Her underwear rode up and pinched where her uterus had begun to drop, her trousers itched for whatever reason, her face was hot from just walking from the elevator to her chair and that was just since she’d entered the office. She hadn’t got much energy for showers anymore and so washing her hair became some ugly affair where Spencer got in with her and did it for her, only last time he put a little too much product on and got the suds in her eyes and they had spent twenty minutes rinsing her face, naked and dripping wet, over the sink. She felt awful, awful for how she was being so irrationally rude, but it was like every inch of her being was uncomfortable. And there was still another month to go.

“Good god, man, don’t poke the bear,” Tara hummed as she passed, taking her own half full mug to the kitchen to escape whatever was rumbling in that hot head of hers. 

Hotch swallowed heavily, noticing how Spencer stayed deadly quiet no doubt because he’d learned his lesson in trying to force Bugsy into doing something when she was like this, “I’m saying I think it would be good for you to take some time off, you’ve both worked hard enough as it is and with the baby being so close, it would be good to take it easy for a few weeks-” 

She pressed her lips together, because she knew he was probably trying to help, probably trying to be considerate, and yet the heat of annoyance bubbled up inside her all the same like a kettle on the precipice of boiling.

“If you want the big scary pregnant lady out of your way just spit it out, Hotch,” She snapped, scowling at him in a way he remembered Hailey doing when he so much as sneezed too loud.

And he couldn’t find it in him to be mad at her. Because anyone with eyes saw she was uncomfortable, he knew if she was anything like his own ex-wife then she wouldn’t be sleeping nearly as much as she should, that more than likely their kid would be already kicking with long, scrawny legs to get out and show the world what they were made of. 

Hotch was saved from the firing line when his guess was proved almost immediately, and she groaned with a hand to her abdomen. 

“Spencer, would you tell your kid they’re not a linebacker and that my kidneys aren’t the damn ball,” She complained, and her partner flashed her a brave smile, leaning over her to rub where she was caressing her battered organs. 

“Actually, right about here will be your spleen since the baby has pushed everything around at this stage-” And with that Hotch darted towards his office because Bugsy looked ready to clip someone around the ear, and he didn’t have the heart to write her up for it.

Although for the sanctity of his team, he rushed her documents through the same afternoon and gave her an extra four weeks pay in lieu of a truce. 

MONTH NINE. The one with the birth.

It had been fourteen hours already when the doctor mentioned the word caesarean. 

“Caesarean? We never planned for a C-section,” Bugsy’s eyes widened where she was intermittently sucking down gas and air, Spencer patting her forehead down with an ice wet cloth. 

But then again she supposed she had never planned to go into labour when getting the laundry off the washing line while Spence painted the porch. 

He looked at her with nervous hazel hues where her face sparkled with sweat and water, her hand squeezing him tightly as another contraction hit. 

“I’m afraid we have few options left, Miss Prentiss,” The midwife said, a woman around her age that was already masked up after prodding around her cervix for a few hours, “Fourteen hours is rough on anyone and we’re not seeing any movement past your pelvis. Any longer and you or your baby might be at risk,”

And it was the truth, but it was a harsh one, and tears sprung to her eyes hearing those last few words. She had never had any delusions it would be easy giving birth, it was revered as the most painful thing anyone could go through, but she had assumed on a hope and a prayer that things would go smoothly. 

“I know it’s scary,” Spencer found his voice after a second, their hands clasped tightly together because there was more chance of snow in hell than there was he was letting her do this alone, “But, baby, you’re doing so well, and you’re almost there,” He said in a watery sweet tone, dabbing at her brow once more and the two of them exchanged a teary look, “It’s going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, they’re going to numb you for the whole thing and when it’s over we’re going to have our baby, huh?” 

She smiled ruefully because he was trying desperately to cheer her up, even though it sounded like he was reassuring himself just as much as he was her.

And she nodded, because she knew he was right, and more than anything she wanted their baby to be safe, even if it meant having her insides scooped out like she was some russian nesting doll. 

“O-okay, yeah, c-can Spencer stay with me?” She asked nervously, and the midwife smiled, pressing a button to call for the anesthesiologist.

“Ofcourse, honey. Just try to relax, we’re going to arrange an epidural for you,” She said in a voice that told Bugsy she’d practised staying calm in an emergency a thousand times. 

Bugsy breathed through her nose, feeling Spencer swoop in to wipe the lone few tears dribbling down her cheeks. 

“It’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay,” He said, his voice bustling with nerves and she wanted to tell him the same, wanted to tell him she loved him more than ever for trying to put a brave face on for her sake. But she couldn’t, so she nodded frantically, leaning her forehead against his cheek and taking a few more deep breaths. 

–

“You’re doing great, honey, you’re being so brave,” Spencer reassured in his biggest voice, his hand carding over the side of her hot face gently. There was blood, there was so much blood, and the sound of her monitor was the only sound that was constant and not at all worrying with its steady heart beat. 

The midwives were flitting around the room, the lead obstetrician making careful incisions and handing various things Spencer didn’t want to see over to his co-workers. Because he loved their baby already, couldn’t wait to meet the mini him he’d been dreaming about since he was a boy himself, but Bugsy needed him first. She was his everything, his whole life, his whole universe fading between clear consciousness and a slightly loopy gaze as she relaxed on the table. 

“Is it over? Are they here, are they okay?” She slurred, looking over at him where his hair was covered in a blue scrub cap, his entire body wrapped in protective uniform to minimise the risk of infection on her body. 

He cradled her face again, shaking his head, “Not yet honey, you’re doing so good, it’s nearly over,” Spencer said, pressing his brow against hers because he had a mask over his mouth and couldn’t kiss her properly, “I love you so much, I swear I’ll try every day of my life to repay you,” 

“You’re being mushy, you’re freaking me out,” She joked as if she was her regular self, because the midwives had all warned him that the sedatives would take the edge off her nerves. And he chuckled, even if he was worrying enough for the two of them, sniffling behind the stuffy mask he had to keep on until she was in recovery. 

“I’m sorry, baby, I just want you to be okay,” Spencer said earnestly, and he pressed a kiss to her head anyway even if she wouldn’t feel it with his mask, “I’m gonna get you so many milkshakes when this is-”

There was a wail behind the curtain they had draped over her stomach, and both their breaths stopped in their chests. 

“Is that…” Bugsy started, her eyes wide and alert even if seconds ago she had been almost drunk, “Is that it- is that them?”

And another scream resounded around the room as if to answer her. 

Spencer swore he had never felt tears well in his eyes so fast until one of the midwives brought a wriggling, wrinkly bundle around the curtain, and within seconds he felt his cheeks sodden with tears. 

“Oh my god,” He said his smile reaching his eyes as the little creature was put on Bugsy’s chest, and it was only then he realised she was weeping too and he resumed his position stroking her head, “It’s a-”

“It’s a girl! Spencer, we have a girl!” Bugsy’s grin went from ear to ear, her eyes round and adoring at the ugly, scrunched face still screaming at them, her eyes closed and her skin covered in a white goop, “Oh my god, she’s so beautiful,” 

“I told you she’d take after you,” Spencer said, not minding the nurses sewing Bugsy up as they stared at their little girl, Bugsy’s arms holding her body weight delicately though she didn’t quite know what she was doing. 

Spencer was quick to remove the mask once they cleared him to, and the second he was freed he pushed his lips to his girlfriend’s, their mouths equally as salty and sodden as one another with the way their cheeks washed with tears. Pulling away, he looked at her in the eyes, the same eyes he’d always loved, the same eyes he’d know in any life, in any world, in any fog, and their smiles were damn near blinding. 

“I love you so much, I swear I’m going to make it up to you, anything you want,” Spencer said, kissing her again, his hand resting over hers where she held their baby girl on her bare chest. 

She didn’t have the heart to tell him she already had everything she’d ever wanted right there with her. 

“I love you so much more, Spencer,” She said quietly, the two of them pulling away when the little girl squealed again and they chuckled, quickly rushing to calm her cries as they looked at her as if they had yet to realise she was real and she was theirs, “Oh my god Spencer, you’re a daddy,”

“Bugsy, you’re a mommy,” He said with raised brows and she gasped, giggling with glee as her free hand flew to grab his face and pull him in to kiss her again, “We’re a mommy and daddy,” 

The two of them burst out laughing even though overjoyed tears lined their eyes again, and Spencer trailed a large finger down her chubby cheek softly, her skin shrivelled and pruney like she’d been submerged in a bath for too long. 

“Spencer, she’s perfect,” She said after a moment, her breath completely stolen when she took her in, the small head completely covered in dark hair, which she had already suspected would be there from the amount of times she found herself itching at her stomach. Her tiny fists waved in the air as her sobs subsided, beginning to warm up to the skin on Bugsy’s chest, and Spencer audibly choked in a cry of his own when her eyelids slowly blinked open and revealed forest hues damn near identical to his own. He pushed his temple to Bugsy’s again as she carefully swayed her from side to side.

“I’m never going to let anything hurt you,” He murmured, his breath warm on her collarbone and his baby girl stared back at him like she understood, even though he knew that was pretty much  impossible, “Either of you,” 

Bugsy sniffled with a wobbly smile, her hands shaking as she held her daughter up, “Do you want to hold her?” 

Spencer looked ready to wail all over again, not that she would ever hold it against him. The two of them had been weeping all day, and their kid was a real tear jerker to look at with her thick lashes and wide eyes. 

He was quick to pop open his shirt, holding his hands out nervously as she placed the baby in his arms, his fingers supporting under her head the whole time he brought her to his chest. 

Bugsy smiled, the midwife checking in with her for a moment before they were ready to wheel her into the other room to rest up, while Spencer looked entirely enamoured with the little bundle in his arms. 

He was a dad. He had made this beautiful, perfect little girl with the woman he loved more than anything in the world, and somehow she had given him even more reasons to feel so lucky. 

“Hello, you,” He said through bleary eyes, smiling through a chuckle when he saw just how tiny she looked in his arms, and he had never seen anything look so fragile, “I’m going to try be the best dad you could ever have, okay? I’m gonna be there for all the lame parties, and the sleepovers and the big games and every single time you need help on your homework, I’m gonna be right there with you.” 

“What name are we putting on the chart?” The midwife asked as Bugsy watched Spencer murmur to the sweet face that looked up at him in wonder, “Or is it just Baby Girl Prentiss for the moment?” 

“It’s Reid,” Bugsy said with a smile, as Spencer poured even more of his gentle heart out in promises she knew he would keep until the day he died. And she knew without checking with him the name they chose weeks ago was perfect; the one they’d decided on just a few days after the nursery was finished and she had yet another bowl of frozen grapes to chow down on while they admired their work. 

One for his mother, one for Emily. 

“Ana Emilia Reid,”

–

taglists:

TROUBLE 

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[strange-aeons]

I need vulture culture practitioners in Ontario!!!

As some of you guys know, I’m currently in school for documentary film. A large portion of that involves actually making my first film (ahhhh) under supervision from my mentor. I’ve decided that film is going to be about vulture culture.

I’m still in the early research & development stages at the moment! Planning for shooting to take place in spring/summer 2024.

I’m looking for participants who would be willing to do interviews, show me their collections, their workspaces (yes, i want to smell the maceration soup), and take me along on any vulture activities.

If you’re interested, send me an email at strangeaeonsbusiness@gmail.com with a little about yourself, any social media links, photos of your work. Make sure to let me know what city in Ontario you’re located in!!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Long Snake Moan 3

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Loki

Summary: your boss gives you a task you’re not prepared for.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You sit at your lonesome perch, hidden behind the large floating screen. Your job can be isolating. People only speak with you to get to Tony and even then, they’re just as often too intimidated to approach you. You only really have any sort of mutual acquaintance with your boss and he just tells you what to do.

You expect the footsteps that approach to pass you by as you always do. Instead, a shadow appears on the other side of your extended monitor arm. You look up as green eyes glare down at you from above the frame of the screen. You sit up as you stare at Loki.

“Stark. Now.” He demands.

Your eyes skitter over to your boss’ door then back to the angry man, er, god? In front of you.

“I’ll see if he’s available, sir.” You go to open your teams and he pulls your screen so it’s above you.

“I am not asking if he’s available. I mean to speak to that mewling quim and I would do so at once,” he demands, squeezing your monitor so splotches appear below his fingertips.

“Sure,

You stand and step around the desk. He moves with you, slithering like a snake. He’s too close. You go to Tony’s door and knock. He got in late last night. You know because you had to bring a burger and shake to his house. The fabulous life of Tony Stark’s assistant.

You wait but don’t get an answer. You tap again and peek back over your shoulder, “I don’t think--”

“Enough.” He presses against your lower back and reaches around you. He twists the handle and urges you inside ahead of him. Tony’s at his desk smirking at his phone. He looks up in surprised chagrin.

“Woah, what the hell--”

“There you are.” Loki greets with sinister delight. He nudges you to the side but you can’t escape the office. You just stand there dumbly as he blocks the door. “So, I am to be ejected from this rock.”

“Ah, yeah, sorry about that boss,” Tony drops his phone and leans back in his chair. “Something about a criminal record. Not exactly what I would call an invasion of a city but we don’t need to go into semantics.”

“Mm, you think you’re clever. Well, I do believe you’ve forgotten who I am.” Loki stands straight, birdlike as he glowers down his long nose. “I’ve become rather acquainted with your mortal legislation. Rather antiquated but simple enough to understand.”

“Sure, and what loophole did you find, oh, might prince?” Tony challenges.

Loki snickers. It's a noise that electrifies your scalp. You don’t like that.

“Upon my understanding, and I did consult with one of your Midgardian law practitioners, I have it that I am eligible for residence upon the grounds of marriage.”

It’s Tony turn to laugh. He cackles in glee and rolls forward, leaning his elbows on his desk with interest. “Marriage? And who the hell is deluded enough to marry you?”

Loki tilts his head and smirks. His eyes stick to Tony for just a moment then crawl around the office and land on you. You frown.

“It is rather cruel to make her tell me. I'm certain she begged you not to make her but we all know the sort of creature you are.” Loki sneers and unbuttons his jacket, reaching beneath. “The very same reason why you would be entirely unaware why she shouldn't like to hurt me.”

He unfolds the paper as he strides to Tony's desk. You watch, paralysed and perplexed. Your chest thumps. What is going on?

He spreads the document under his fingers and stands straight with a triumphant smirk. Tony slides the paper closer and clicks his tongue. His eyes skim the print and his mouth falls open. He looks at you.

“What?” You gulp.

“Married. To him. You? And him?” Tony wags his finger back and forth between you and Loki.

“Married?” You squeak.

“Oh do be certain to call city hall to confirm. You will see the signatures are legitimate, as well as the stamp and registration number,” Loki boasts. “We did expect your uncouth reaction so we did keep it under lock and key until we were certain. These dire circumstances however, have forced us into the light,” he lifts his chin, “isn't that right, darling?”

“Mr. Stark,” you cross the office and try to see the paper. It can't be real. A marriage license. With your name on it. Next to his. “I swear–”

“You know what?” Tony claps his hands then slams them on the desk. He pushes himself to his feet. “I don't have the time for all this stuff. It's weird. Look, sweetheart, call me a car. As long as you do your job, I can't be bothered. Got my own shit, you know?” He glances between the two ot you again.”Very strange.”

He struts around the desk and past Loki. The taller god steps in front of him, raising and open palm.

“Ah, one more thing. She isn't your sweetheart so lets keep that to a minimum,” he pats Tony's chest and hums.

“If you've had your snaky self near it, trust me, I'm good.” Tony knocks his arm away and continues out the door.

You stare after your boss only to find your eyes drawn by the pair watching you. You make a strangled noise and throw your hands up. “Married?!”

“A wonderful ceremony. Small. But romantic,” he purrs. “I've always been rather fond of tricks and you mortals make them so much easier.”

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hello! You have a problem. You were cursed by a witch to only be able to communicate in second person. This is annoying, but manageable. However, the curse turned out a bit strong, and anyone who tries to talk to you will ALSO only be able to communicate in second person while communicating with you.

You will be honest, you kind of totally deserved the curse. You were rude to the witch on your date and acted VERY self-centered and didn't ask her about herself, very bad etiquette, etcetera. You're honestly fine with just riding the curse out at least for a while longer, it's a good reminder that you aren't perfect and growth is a constant process.

But you're pretty sure that the extra-strength whammy is probably very disconcerting for anyone you're trying to talk to, especially if they're not expecting it, and it's making your job as a call center tech support advisor VERY confusing for everyone involved. And you'd just text the witch to go, hey, you understand that curses are meant to be inconvenient and this is all part of the lesson and whatnot, but you don't think it's fair to strangers who need help with their iPhones, so could you maybe adjust that a bit? But he blocked you on Grindr and you don't know how to get in contact with him elsewise, so you're making a hail mary by trying to call into TNN.

You're pretty sure you don't actually need advice but you'd appreciate it if maybe you could get the word out that if anyone knows a witch in Southpoole with a rocking body, GREAT tongue, bit of a lisp, and mottled brown scales, PLEASE have him contact you about this and also you're sorry--no, sorry, YOU'RE sorry--agh, whatever, you get what you mean.

You can certainly see how- Ah. Yes, you see the problem. You had been somewhat optimistic the curse might not extend to this more removed form of communication, but it seems you were mistaken.

You can certainly get the word out on your platforms – if any of your other followers recognise the individual in question based on that rather… enthusiastic description, please do encourage them to get in touch with the author of this letter at their earliest convenience.

.You say you're willing to ride out the curse until its natural end. That is entirely up to you, of course. However, you would like to note that mild to moderate curses can often be lifted by other practitioners without too much trouble.

If the curse grows overly wearisome or hasn't lifted by itself in, say, two months time, you recommend seeking out a local practitioner and having the curse ended that way. As always, do make sure any practitioner you hire for such work has a proper license, and steer clear of anyone making overblown claims about their abilities.

Finally, while you are generally of the opinion that curses are a rather tasteless way of handling interpersonal conflicts, you must allow, they can be rather effective.

You hope you have learnt your lesson as well as you claim, and that you will be more considerate in the future – or at the very least, save your rudeness for dates who can't call on dark powers to inflict weird suffering upon you in retaliation.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[chaithetics]

Sticky Notes and Explorations

Pairing: Nathan Bateman x fem (afab) reader (reader has vaginismus) Word count: 4.8K Dividers by @saradika-graphics Warning: 18+ MDNI, smut, Nathan being Nathan-ish lol? Reader has vaginismus some paragraphs about that and mentions of dilators and pelvic physio. There are no other physical descriptions of reader other than afab body parts. Run on sentences, sorry! A/N: This is my first time writing Nathan so bear with me and be kind please, he's making me unwell 😭 brain fog is still bad post-surgery so if it's extra bad I'm sorry! Most of this wasn't proof read... Sorry! Really started to hate it after 2K words and almost deleted it whoops. Thank you to @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction for letting me talk about the Nathan thoughts Comments and reblogs are appreciated and encouraged 🫶 Please validate me.

Nathan’s brow furrowed and his face shifted into a scowl as he noticed a pale orange sticky note on an empty section of the wall, it was excluded from his mural of notes. It caught his attention,

disgustingly so, just as you knew it would. Physio, back in the afternoon :) was scrawled out in bright pink ink in your handwriting, it was a nauseating combination, he already felt a headache coming on and it had nothing to do with the beer he’d drunk last night. He’d still start another detox today, may as well he thought. 

It perplexed him why you’d gone in the first place and not because he didn’t take your health seriously, he did of course, just in his own unique Nathan way. It was more that Nathan just couldn’t understand why you’d want to leave the compound, he could have any medical practitioner, the best of the best, flown out to his estate to treat you. No waiting rooms with randos or sick people, wait times, bad radio music and ads to uncomfortably sit through. He could have any practitioner flown out and starting treatment or an examination at the snap of his fingers. 

You’d told Nathan several times now that despite how much he loved staying in the isolated compound, it was nice to leave sometimes and well… see people. It wasn’t something he could see the appeal in and it would be another conversation you’d have when you come back. 

Nathan wouldn’t say it but he also felt moodier as you’d elusively left bed without him knowing and he didn’t get a kiss. Well, he did, technically. After seeing your note he sat at his desk and watched the security footage, you’d kissed his forehead before he left which sure, might’ve been a sweet thought but he didn’t count it as you hadn’t woken him up, a real goodbye would’ve been thoughtful he mutters to himself. But you both know, he would’ve grumbled into the pillow if you’d woken him up but he still liked those moments, Nathan was just a brat who liked to act moody no matter what. 

It’s sprawling acres of luscious greenery below on the helicopter flight back, it always is but it still never ceases to amaze you when you see it. Nathan’s estate was large, the compound was isolated into its own bubble which was annoying at times you couldn’t fault him for choosing somewhere so rich in greens and tall trees to hide away in. 

It’s quiet when you finally go inside, minus the usual programmed notes that fill the air. The glass maze of the compound is filled with natural light, it makes the space feel warmer. When you could imagine it would easily feel unwelcoming and cold to anyone else who could walk these floors. 

Nathan tilts his head as he rounds a corner to stand in front of you as you walk in. 

“How did you sleep?” You take your shoes off as you ask. 

“Fine enough.” He then pinches the bridge of her nose. “You didn’t wake me.” 

It’s a statement but it almost feels like a question, you look away from your shoes to look at him and see his big brown eyes that make you smile and almost a pout on his lips. You offer him a small smile and nod as you walk more into the scientific home. 

 “You know, I can get someone to come here and do the appointments right?” 

“Yes, I know.” You smile softly and let out a small sigh, it’s a conversation you have each week, his lack of awareness is borderline amusing. “But I like her, she’s great.” 

“I don’t know if you realise this…” He tilts his head and waves his hands sarcastically as if he’s going to reveal something life changing. “But I can pay her to come out here, there’s a functioning helicopter, you’re familiar with it.” 

“I don’t know if you realise this,” you chuckle at the bluntness of his words and try to speak with the exact same sarcastic tone as his. “But sometimes, it can be nice to leave the compound…” You bite your lip playfully as you take your coat off. 

“Well, now I know you’re sick, really sick and obviously misdiagnosed. You’re seeing the wrong experts.” There’s a tone of slight disgust in his voice, he speaks as if the idea of leaving his scientific oasis shrouded by greenery and water is the most insane and upsetting thing he’s ever heard. You roll your eyes and sit down on the sofa, putting your bag down. 

“What is that?” He points his finger and waves it as he looks at the box peeking out of your bag.  

“They’re uh, dilators.” You say as you look up at him while he stands by you. 

“Why did you buy them? I could’ve made them, let me look.” 

“Not you or anyone in your team is a pelvic physiotherapist or gynaecologist.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they also don’t know your vagina like I do.” Nathan rolls his eyes and scoffs, he almost seems insulted, which shouldn’t surprise you but it does.

A dry chuckle escapes you at his words, they’re so crude and blunt. Your eyebrows raise as you look up at him, comfortably sinking more into the soft sofa as his large hands pick up your bag and pull out the box with the dilators in them. 

It was your third time having one of those appointments, but it was something you’d struggled with for many years. You didn’t even realise it was a ‘problem’ for so long. It was somewhat normalised to not even look at a tampon for a few years after your first period, so it wasn’t really something you immediately discovered. Your periods weren’t fun but who had fun periods, right? Only people in pad commercials. 

It took a few years, you were happy to ignore tampons during the first few menstruating years. But after that you opened that first box of tampons, studying the instructions and small educational illustrations on the folded up paper, you’d had no luck. It made you feel weird and gave you a sense of shame you couldn’t speak about so you didn’t. You spent years quietly using pads and almost feeling like you were missing out on something. 

In college, a period had come early and you asked your roommate if she had anything on her, she’d casually given you a tampon and you felt your abdomen become uncomfortable and your pelvic floor apprehensively tighten. You’d moved into that awkward position over the toilet that was supposed to relax you and make it easier but not to your surprise, you’d had no luck. It hurt and felt awful, your body had tensed up more and the more deep breaths you took, the more you seemed to clamp up. 

It wasn’t an issue with the tampon, something you’d tried to tell yourself for years. You felt ashamed and embarrassed in this, the first thought that entered your head was no, it’s something wrong with you. One that persisted for longer than you’d like to admit. 

“This silicone isn’t good enough,” Nathan’s words bring you back to the present and your eyebrows twitch at his words, his eyes are squinted as he reads the box and holds a dilator in his hand, of course he went for the biggest one. 

“But it’s the one with the physio recommended, it was the ‘higher-end’ option-” You say feeling confused and almost frustrated at what was either Nathan being Nathan or another failure of women’s healthcare. 

“Yeah, but your vagina deserves better than silicone that you buy from a doctor’s office-” 

“Physio-” “You just proved my point even more.” His voice drips with arrogance and you sigh leaning into the sofa even more, it might just swallow you in a minute which wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience. 

“You’re so romantic,” you tease and he nods. “Yeah, yeah I am.” He sits down on the sofa next to you, 

It all kind of surprises you honestly, it still does but he really surprised you at the start. Dating has always made you extremely anxious because vaginismus threw a big spanner in the works. When you were diagnosed after years of silent struggling and worrying, it wasn’t quite the relief you’d imagine a diagnosis would be. It made dating feel more stressful, that something needed to be disclosed and there wasn’t a large time window of appropriate timing. 

Even as an adult, it still felt like something that was difficult to talk about and with each date it had been a scary thing as it felt like it would be a dealbreaker for most people. You had assumed Nathan Bateman would be in that boat, the first impression he left definitely wasn’t a “That’s cool, we’ll take it slow!” vibe. He’d surprised you though, the stigma you’d felt about it for as long as you started to think of it was a problem just didn’t exist with him. 

When you didn’t believe his surprising response he’d reassured you it was an opportunity to explore other things if you wanted and he’d said he could look at a list of options for healthcare you’d never even heard of. Surprisingly there wasn’t any pressure, but you’d eventually made the choice to start with pelvic physiotherapy. That was still scary but it seemed like a good practical first step. A much better and realer step than taking deep breaths or drinking wine like you’d been told by some doctors before. 

Nathan tilts his head, you pinch his nose as you watch his face, like clockwork his nose screws up, scrunching his face. 

“That’s not as cute as you think it is.” He says tilting his head away. 

“Sure.” 

“I’m serious, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t stabbed me in the back thinking you’d get away with it because of your cute privilege.” He teases you, feigning complete seriousness. 

You chuckle and shake your head slightly. Nathan moves closer to press a soft kiss to your forehead. 

“I’m going to do some work, don’t conspire against me. I’m not in the mood for AI or Caesar and Brutus role playing today, it’s not what my hardware’s going for today.” He says as he gets up, he gives your hand a slight squeeze, he rubs his forehead and leaves the room, casually exiting with “I’ll be good, I promise.” 

It’s later in the afternoon now, some sunlight is trickling through the gaps in the leaves and branches of the trees outside and it comes through with the open nature of the compound’s design. You’re sitting down listening to an audiobook with your headphones on tapping away at your keyboard as your eyes focus on the screen in front of you, missing Nathan’s entrance. 

He walks in, tapping your shoulder behind you, it startles you and you jump on the couch. You whip your head around to look over your shoulder and give him a glare before taking a deep breath and trying to lower your heart rate. 

The headphones are quickly pulled off of you and he places them down on the coffee table as he makes his way around the sofa to then stand in front of you. He’s holding something in his hand, it’s almost a pale blue, you have no idea what it is. 

“Ready for something cool?” He asks softly with a small smile. “Mmm?” You hum out, looking up at him as you close your laptop screen. 

“This,” he holds the blue thing in his hands in front of you, it has some loose straps at the bottom and it looks to have different ridges and textures on it. “What is it?” 

“Well the perverts call it a grinder, honey,” he says softly but his eyes are burning smugly as he starts to quirk his mouth up into a shit eating grin. 

You feel your eyes widen as you look up from the grinder to Nathan and your cheeks start to heat up. “You’re a pervert…” 

“Tomato, Tomato.” He shrugs. “But sure. I was thinking and looking over some stuff-”

“Yeah, but no matter what you say I still feel like you get your information from medical papers AND Reddit.” You interrupt. 

“Don’t put me down like that, especially when you’re interrupting me.” He pouts mockingly. “But look at it, no penetration, isn’t that fucking perfect?” 

You look at it and feel your cheeks heat up the longer you do. 

“When they say ‘he loved her to the point of invention’, I don’t think this is what they mean…” You shy;y whisper as you look at it, intentionally not meeting his eyes. It’s an odd shape and has different textures and ridges all over it. 

“I like that, that’s very… well, poetic.” He says almost thoughtfully as his beautiful brown eyes focus on you.  

“I didn’t say-” “I know it’s a quote from elsewhere.” He cuts you off smugly and sighs dramatically. He’s still proud of his intelligence and capabilities. He’s a god amongst men after all. 

“Let’s give it a go my little test bunny,” he tilts his head and teases. “That’s not funny.” You say as you finally look up at him and meet his eyes, they quickly become a little bit kinder and less smug. 

Nathan chuckles and sits down, he starts to tug at and adjust his sweatpants as he sits down. He carefully straps the grinder onto his thigh and then turns his attention to you. He smirks and raises his dark eyebrows. 

“Come on, saddle up cowgirl, your uh sexual chariot awaits.” He says smugly and pats his thigh. 

“What?” Your cheeks burn up even more at his words, if someone touched them now they’d think you have a fever. You physically feel your eyes widen in both shock and a feeling of embarrassment at his words. 

You’d grinded on him before, his strong thighs sure. It was something Nathan had no problem with, he loved it when you’d use his body like that for your pleasure. It was something he didn’t just love but also encouraged. It had also always been something much more comfortable and less painful than penetration. 

“It vibrates and we’ve had several conversations about vibrations helping to desensitise and I read-” 

“Did you read it on reddit?” You ask. 

“Don’t deflect.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Only I’m allowed that tactic here.” 

Nathan puts his thumb and index finger on your chin and tilts your face so you’re looking into his pretty puppy dog eyes. He can be annoying at times but they turn you into mush. “We don’t have to.” He whispers and rubs your chin gently. “And if we do… We can go as slow as you want, we can stop whenever you want, stop if it ever gets close to almost hurting or feeling uncomfortable. You’ll uh dictate, call the shots like a sexy little compound dictator.”

“You were saying something so unusually sweet and then that happened.” You chuckle softly. He still has his fingers on your chin, he tilts your head more and then brings his face closer and kisses you. 

Nathan’s lips are soft and pillowy, they perfectly meld against yours in a soft kiss that he slowly deepens. You place your hands on his shoulders as his tongue gently presses into your mouth, heat courses through his body as you open your mouth for him and he feels your tongue. 

His hand moves to the back of your neck, it’s warm and firm. He moans into your mouth and your cheeks heat up, you smile against his lips as you two continue to kiss. You feel Nathan's hands move to the waist of your dress, his fingers run over the soft fabric before they travel further down. 

You groan against his lips and breath in shakily as his fingers reach the hem of the fabric and his hands start to slowly push the material up to around your waist. Nathan gently manoeuvres you to straddle his thigh. 

“I want you to feel good…” He whispers in a low tone, he opens his eyes and blinks slowly, he looks at you and you feel butterflies squirm in your stomach at the look of his chocolate eyes half-lidded from pleasure and need. 

He slips a hand down between your legs and runs his thumb over your vulva, he watches your face before lightly running it through your folds. You let out a soft moan at that and then a louder one as his digit explores more of you externally. He’s watching your face and body as his fingers feel you become wet, you can’t help but let out a string of more moans as his fingers continue to light you up perfectly. Nathan’s in complete awe of how good you look and watching each microexpression to make sure it’s all pleasure and not a single look of pain. 

Blinking slowly, you nod as you rub your hands gently over his shoulders for a moment and nod, you let him fully manoeuvre you onto his thick thigh as he presses the skirt of the dress up more and lowers you down onto the grinder. 

Your brow furrows a little and your cheeks heat up as you can feel the ridges against your folds, you place your hands on his shoulder and chest to help support yourself against him as you lean to the left a little and start to rub slowly. 

A small gasp escapes as you feel pleasure start to build, it doesn’t hurt with it just being external but there’s something about the slight incline designed there and the ridges that made that feel so good. More good than you would’ve thought. 

“How’s that?” He whispers, watching in awe as you start to slowly move.

You gasp and nod, letting out a small moan. “Mm, yeah… It doesn’t-it doesn’t hurt…” 

“Good…” he nods and moans, he leans back on the sofa slightly and looks up at you as you keep moving slowly, getting used to the new toy and how it makes your whole body feel. 

Nathan places one of his large hands onto your hips, he feels your skin and caresses it softly, letting his hand trail down to your hip where he rubs small circles onto you. You can feel your cheeks heating up at this, it’s a different feeling and new. 

“Do you want to try the vibrator now?” He whispers. 

You bite your lip and nod. “Yes… Yes, I really do Nathan…” You whisper breathlessly, feeling your body flutter in anticipation. Your head falls back and you let out a moan as you feel the vibrations start to buzz against your clitoris and folds. It’s not too much pressure, it’s a great level to start at and you’re appreciative of that because it feels amazing, you can feel yourself becoming wetter and the ball of release waiting to unwind now. 

You rock your hips slowly as it buzzes through, you’re testing the waters and lightly scratching his head as you do so. You take a shaky breath as you feel the different textures, the slight raises, ridges and as the vibrations travel through your body and hit your core. 

Nathan lets out a groan at the feeling of your nails against his scalp and closes his eyes. His hands rub your hips gently, guiding you and you press your head against his shoulder, starting to moan slightly as the sensitive nerves come to life with the heat of pleasure. Your forehead burrows into him more as you feel Nathan adjust it to slightly increase the intensity of the vibrations, you let out a whine at the feeling. It tingles deliciously and you bite your lip. 

He’s watching your expressions, making sure it never gets too much. He’s done this for your enjoyment, he wants you to feel good and for this not to put too much pressure or stress on you and possibly cause a pelvic floor flare up. 

Nathan feels your hot breath tickle against his shoulder as you moan and muffle, the feeling of that, of knowing that he’s responsible for this, for giving you this kind of pleasure and getting to bask in it makes his cock throb as he watches you and listens to your musical moans. 

He puts his hand to your cheek and tilts your head away from his shoulder, he loves feeling your moans as well as hearing them but now he needs to feel your lips. He tilts your head closer to meet his mouth and your lips collide in a messy, frenzy kiss. 

Both of you are consumed with pleasure and passion and it shows in the meeting of your lips, your tongues delve into each other's mouths in a frenzied dance. You moan against his mouth as you keep moving against the grinder and it feels so good, you’ve never felt anything like it before and the combination of that with Nathan’s lips is the hottest thing ever. 

He keeps deepening the kiss, Nathan is head over heels and seeks contact however he can get it, he loves having you like this and feeling your tongue against his, your breath mixing into you both panting as one in each other’s embrace. 

It’s the stuff of dreams. His dreams. His wet dreams. 

You both continue to kiss and then Nathan pulls away slightly. “How does it feel, baby?” He whispers and you feel the breath of his words tickle your kiss swollen lips. 

“Good… So good, Nate…” You whisper between moans as you keep rocking your hips. 

“Does it hurt?” He asks in a low gravelly voice as he blinks slowly while watching you, you shake your head in response. 

“Not at all.” 

Nathan nods. “Good.” 

Nathan keeps one hand on your hip as the other hand then reaches down to free himself. He looks up at you with his big brown eyes and grips his length. It’s already aching, it never takes long for him to get worked up. Nathan gives himself a slow pump, you feel a shiver in your spine as your body tingles in anticipation and you watch with bated breath as he does. 

“Spit.” 

It’s a soft command that you follow, you blink slowly and tilt your head down just over his tip and spit down onto the head of his angry cock. It twitches as you do, he lets out a loud moan, feeling incredibly turned on at both the sight and feeling of that. 

His eyes closed for a moment, his thick, dark lashes fanning against his cheeks as he tilted his head and his groans, squeezing his now lubricated cock with his hand. He starts to pump himself now and you let out a moan watching, you can’t tear your eyes away and it’s an erotic feast for your eyes as you keep grinding against the toy, feeling yourself getting closer and closer to your peak. 

Those charming, big brown eyes open again, they’re half-lidded as he looks at you, watching you. His breathing is slow and heavy as he keeps pumping himself, the sounds coming from you both are filthy and heavy in the air. 

You reach a hand down to lightly tug at his tip just as he likes, Nathan lets out a loud moan at that, bucking his hips a little for more friction with your gentle, soft hands. You moan and bite your lip at his response, you start to pump him as well and he moans watching you, his hand moving to his base and heavy balls as he keeps watching the pretty sight on his lap. 

It doesn’t take long at all for him to get there, his length is throbbing and on the verge of being perfectly milked by your hands and he’s loving the feeling of you on him. On his dick with your hands, on his leg, rubbing yourself to climax. He knows you’re getting close and that’s making him close. 

After a couple of minutes of pumping him, he can’t hold back anymore. He needs release and his cock is already leaking pre come, lubricating him even more by coating all over his length with your spit. He thrusts his hips up and whines out loudly, Nathan pants and cries. “Fuck… baby… Fuck…” He whines as he comes all over your hand and his toned stomach. 

He pants heavily, his face looking flustered and he looks up at you with heavy eyes and you smile, feeling your cheeks burning up. It’s all so hot and his release has just turned you on even more. You know you’re on the verge too and you’re glad because there’s not really any pain so far. 

“I think I’m getting…” You pant out. 

“Close? Not too much?” He asks softly as he has one hand on himself and the other on your hip, gently helping you rock yourself on top of him. 

“Mm, close. It’s good.” You moan and rock your hips more, trying to get a bit more of the ridges near the top to rub against your clitoris, you know that’s what will push you over the edge with these vibrations. 

You keep rocking as the vibrations make you sing with moans and you squeeze his shoulders and look at him with wide eyes before shutting them tightly in pleasure. 

You shake slightly in his lap as your release builds up to the peak and the waves of pleasure crash over you and your body feels hot as you come and release. You cry out and moan as you orgasm on the grinder and his thigh. He stops the vibrations knowing that overstimulation and post-orgasm can make vaginismus hurt more and flare up. You’re still gripping onto his shoulders and you pant, trying to recover your breath. 

He caresses your cheek as you both pant and he presses a gentle kiss to your lips and rubs your back. “Feeling okay? You did so good, you really did baby.” 

You nod and rest your head against his chest as you feel his heart hammer away like a loud drum, you’re not sure who has the higher heart rate as you move off of the grinder and cuddle him. 

**********************

It had been a week since the first grinder experiment on the couch, it was later in the evening. You were just getting into bed, having come from a nice long bath to try and help relax your pelvic floor and soothe some of the discomfort you’d had that day. 

“There.” Nathan throws something onto the bed. 

“Hmm? What is it?” You look over at him, not paying much attention to the objects. 

“It’s the better dilators.” He says matter of factly in the most casual way possible. 

You raise your eyebrows, trying to suppress a chuckle but it comes out within seconds. You look at them curiously with a smile. 

“This is more of what I was expecting for your gynaecological experiments than a grinder, but knowing you, I should’ve expected the grinder first.” You say and pick up one of the new dilators. 

“I think they have to go through some kind of review process technically?” You ask looking over at him. 

“You didn’t have that concern for the grinder.” He responds smugly with a devilish grin and you feel your cheeks heat up. “But don’t worry, that’s why it took so long, all those stupid doctors with ill-judged priorities. I had a physio in New York, Stockholm, and three gynaecologists approved it. Good enough for you?” He tilts his chin down and raises his eyebrows. 

“Four would’ve been ideal, but I’ll take it.” You say with a chuckle but still sigh dramatically as you look at the dilators which just makes him shake his head and sit down on the bed. They’re lighter, the material does feel a bit nicer but there wasn’t really anything wrong with the material of the first ones you’d brought. You do notice that they’re a bit smaller which makes you smile, even the smallest in the other pack still felt quite big and had given you anxiety. This feels more reassuring, something you know would’ve been why Nathan made this design choice. 

“The sizes?” You whisper. 

“Yeah, I thought smaller would be more manageable and easier for easing in.” He says casually and then explains the design and material choices as you nod along, touched by the unique gesture. 

“That’s kind of sweet, thank you, you weirdo.” You smile and kiss his cheek. Nathan unusually so, doesn’t say anything but he smiles enjoying the feeling of your soft lips against his. He wouldn’t freely admit it to anyone but it makes it all worth it to him. 

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Some things I’ve noticed on my second viewing of “Five Nights at Freddy’s” (2023)

(Some of these are obvious, don’t @ me, I’m autistic and I had work the day I first watched the film so my brain was all over the place)

Once again, SPOILERS ARE UNDER THE CUT, PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU ARE AVOIDING SPOILERS!!!!

On my first viewing I thought that showing the security guard at the very start loosening the bolts of the chair straps was a fake out to make us believe he’d escape, but actually he loosened the bolts which is how Mike was able to escape later on

Just want to say that the opening credits are fucking cool and I love them so much

In my previous post about things in the FNAF movie, I incorrectly said there was no Golden Freddy - Golden Freddy is in fact in the film, he’s the one who goes to the house/kills Aunt Jane/is in the taxi

Following on from the above point, I said last time that I thought the cupcake was the fifth ghost child but I actually think it’s Golden Freddy to be honest - the blonde girl was obviously Chica, the boy with the bunny ears was Bonnie, the ginger boy was Foxy, and then there was the blonde boy and another boy with a top hat on. I originally thought that the blonde boy who wore the brown shirt was Freddy because he seemed like the leader, but now I’m wondering if the boy with the top hat was Freddy and the leader boy was in fact Golden Freddy (given his blonde hair)? I’m interested to hear what everyone else thinks

This is obvious but the doctor foreshadowed the ending because she told Mike that drawings are powerful tools for children to express things and understand things, and that’s exactly how Abby communicated to the gang at the end that Afton was responsible for their deaths

^side note but as an early years practitioner at a nursery/for preschool children, it’s actually true that pictures are used to help children learn things even before they can read, write or talk. I don’t know, it just interested me to be like “oh yeah that’s true!!”

There was not that much focus on Mike’s dad, like he was seen so briefly compared to his mom, which makes me wonder if there’s something to it that might be revealed in a future film. Like maybe his “dad” isn’t his dad or something? Because in the game canon, William is his father, so… I don’t know. I also saw someone else point out that in the training video Mike watched, there was a man working on the animatronics who maybe looked like the actor playing Mike’s dad, so maybe his dad worked there with the animatronics?

The film appears to be set in 2000; I’m 90% sure the security cam of Mike in the careers office showed the date as being in 2000, but if someone else can clarify or confirm the exact date then that would be great. It would make sense though because Garret presumably went missing around the same time as the ghost kids (in the 80s), so the film being set in the present day (meaning Mike would be in his 50s) would make zero sense. Also the mobile phones/computers all seem like they come from the early 2000s

Someone on Twitter pointed out that one of Abby’s drawings on her wall appeared to be a red airplane, which could just be an indication/foreshadowing of her knowledge of Garret’s disappearance (his toy airplane) but also someone else said it could have been 9/11 which….?!?! If this film is set in 2000, then that’s FUCKED

(I think it’s either a random drawing or to do with Garret’s toy tbh but the idea of her having foresight of 9/11 is fucking horrifying)

I’m still not totally sure which animatronic the gang were going to force Abby into, like it’s one with spring locks and at first I thought it might be Circus Baby but it doesn’t really look like her. It looks almost like a marionette or something? And I mean, yeah, it could be that they changed the design a bit but they literally stayed faithful to the designs of all the animatronics in the series so… you know.

Desperate to know if Matthew Lillard is aware of the fact that his DILF status has been multiplied by one hundred after this film like can someone check in on him and see if he’s alright? 💀 the FNAF girlies fans are frankly RABID about Afton

On that note, I wonder if Josh Hutcherson or Matthew Lillard have ever played any FNAF games, like were they fans before being cast or…? I really wish we could have content of them talking about the film or promoting it, but Hollywood refuses to pay their actors fairly so 🤷‍♀️

Listen, I ADORE both Josh and Matthew anyway but in this film I feel like Matthew especially stood out??? Maybe it’s just the character he’s playing but he ATE this role up (so did Josh but still)

I feel like the springlock scene was actually more terrifying upon a second viewing like at my first one I was like “that’s not as bad as I imagined” but this time I was like “holy shit he’s in agony” like his screams were PAINFUL to listen to

Speaking of painful to listen to, Freddy gave this really guttural and pained roar/scream at one point during the ending and it really made my heart hurt, it’s like the child inside of him was reliving the memory of their murder or something??? I can’t describe it but it was such an intense moment

I honest to god feel like I enjoyed it more on a second viewing and I don’t know why??? Maybe it’s just because the other people in my cinema weren’t laughing every five minutes but still.

I now have the urge to rewatch ALL of Markiplier’s playthroughs of ALL the FNAF games so… yep!

Once again begging for people to talk about FNAF because I’m not the most knowledgable on the series but I do enjoy it!

[windvexer]

What counts as a spell? Is intent all you need or do you have to do something before to get it all juicy and stuff.

Hi Anon! What a fun question, because there is no answer except this CAN OF WORMS you just opened.

There is no consensus anywhere as to what constitutes a "spell."

There is even LESS consensus as to what makes a spell go.

Intent is a good starting place. It is probably where you should start for all acts of practical magic.

But I find that in it's common form, the idea of intent + willpower = magic has been diluted past the point of utility for most people.

Like if we're talking about "intent is everything" I'm reminded most closely of Chaos Magic. But Chaos Magic is not a school of "just set your intent and you've worked magic!". It's a very rigorously developed system.

In Hine's Condensed Chaos, he lists the third Core Principal of Chaos magic as technical excellence, and I quote:

One of the early misconceptions about Chaos Magic was that it gave practitioners carte blanche to do whatever they liked, and so become sloppy (or worse, soggy) in their attitudes to self-assessment, analysis, etc. Not so. The Chaos approach has always advocated rigorous self-assessment and analysis, emphasized practice at what techniques you're experimenting with until you get the results you desire. Learning to 'do' magic requires that you develop a set of skills and abilities and if you're going to get involved in all this weird stuff, why not do it to the best of your ability?

Later in the book, Hine likens "magical powers" to the concept of achievements, and goes on to say:

Something which is an achievement is the result of practice, discipline, and patience.

Shortly after:

Chaos Magic is not about discarding all rules and restraints, but the process of discovering the most effective guidelines and disciplines which enable you to effect change in the world.

(In above quotes, all emphasis my own)

But these ideas get taken - and I'll give a big nod to the LOA which is just the worst kind of brainrot for encouraging the "intent is all that matters" mindset - and the ideas get diluted so much that people are literally out here saying, "so all those people who spend years studying magic in order to get results are buffoons? All I have to do is imagine what I want and it will be delivered to me? All humans since the start of history just have to decide they want something and it will happen in a miraculous manner?"

(Not you, Anon. I'm just in a mood)

In my mind, yes - something beyond intent must occur in order to make spells go.

But what?

Anon, have you ever heard that dumb belief floating around that all herbs in a spell can be replaced by rosemary, and all stones in a spell can be replaced by clear quartz, and these two things are "universal substitutes"?

I am 95% sure that this nonsense was based on two very popular dictionaries Cunningham wrote in the 80s, the Encyclopedia of Crystal, Gem & Metal Magic, and Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs.

In the very long entry for Clear Quartz:

Quartz crystal is used as a power amplifier during magic. It is worn or placed on the altar for this purpose.

And from Rosemary:

Rosemary is generally used as a substitute for frankincense.

And I believe that someone somewhere got the idea that since clear quartz amplifies all other powers, it therefore somehow magically Ditto-copies all other powers, and like a shapeshifter somehow becomes something it is not nor ever was.

And, you know. What's the difference between subbing out frankincense and blackthorn between friends?

These beliefs have become so popular that sometimes when unscrupulous blogs rip off entire Cunningham encyclopedia entries and paste them into tumblr posts (without credit), THEY INCLUDE THE EXTRA MADE-UP BIT ABOUT ROSEMARY BEING A UNIVERSAL SUBSTITUTE.

Anon, your question is "is it just intent or do we need other stuff to make it go," but sadly,

IMO common beliefs about the stuff that makes spells go have also been diluted past the point of utility for most people.

Because if I sat here and said, "hey Anon, it's not just intent, you also have to use correspondences ^-^/" then the very first thing you are likely to run into is absolute nonsense about correspondences. IMO, effective utilization of correspondences is a skillset based in research, theory, and technique.

Or if I said, "you also have to raise energy! 👍", this may be mistaken to mean, "set intent but also visualize white light inside of a candle," because the concept of raising energy and visualizing has been (IMO) diluted past the point of utility for most people. I believe that effective utilization of energy work is a song composed of many notes and chords, several of which you must practice before you can utilize it.

And to complicate all of this, which non-diluted things in which combinations you need to make the spell go depends on what paradigm you operate off of, because while there are approximately one billion ways to do magic that works, my currently very dim worldview is that most people who are talking about magic are doing magic that doesn't work,

and in my opinion the actual basis and reasoning, like the rationality behind the magical systems is really important. Because you need that shit to understand what it is within that system that makes the spell go.

And you need to understand what makes the spell go to make the system fit into your life without breaking it, and in order to troubleshoot problems without making things crumble further.

Because when people don't understand the basis and reasoning you end up with "rosemary is a universal substitute" and "imagining white light makes the spell go."

There are a few circumstances where you can totally strip technique from theory and be successful, but there are also a hell of a lot of people out here feeling shit about their practice because their spells never seem to work.

So.

I really just recommend choosing what school of magic you would like to learn about and participate in, and reading an introductory book on it.

This is because it is the job of introductory books to explain the principles and theories behind a system of magic, and most importantly, what makes the magic go, and a step-by-step primer on what you, the practitioner, are supposed to do to make that kind of magic go.

Despite above rambles I'm really not a Chaote, so I can't recommend a strong primer. As far as I'm aware, Liber Null & Psychonaut by Peter J. Carroll is a core text.

For Traditional Witchcraft, try The Crooked Path by Kelden.

For something more Wiccan, I can't recall having anything bad to say about Psychic Witch by Mat Auryn.

If either of these things are too Witchcrafty for you, try Six Ways by Aidan Wachter, which is still witchcraft, but it hits different.

For a general primer on helping your spells go, try Elements of Spellcrafting by Jason Miller.

[mclalan]

Corp Zomphis, 2020s Design Speculation

I want to talk about Corp Memphis again— that corporate style of gangly, dead-eyed characters trapped in a neoliberal purgatory, posed between pot plants and spreadsheets.

I don't need to go too far into describing it. Heaven knows there are already so many takes on it that you're probably sick of hearing about it. However, I think a succinct description of it can be found at the end of that Wired magazine article from a few years back:

Wired: Corporate Memphis: The Tech Industry’s Favourite New Art Style

"But, despite all this, it may not be worth lamenting the immense reach of Corporate Memphis or the design possibilities we’ve been deprived of because of it. The style is, after all, simply a reflection of big tech, and how it has constructed a world with users on one side and executives on the other.

A more interesting and visually rich digital space would mean more than coming up with a new illustration style—it would require a change in how the tech economy is run. Until then, Corporate Memphis is likely to stick around, bendy arms and all."

This touches on why Corporate Memphis looks the way it does: it's a reflection of the material reality it's made in and the economic conditions it serves.

To work in a design job today often involves being a "multi-practitioner"— corp speak for a jack of all trades. You might have multiple platforms to manage, need to create a mix of media (motion graphics, branding, illustrations, etc.), and produce multiple pieces of content, all for some pointless product consumed by placated consumers.

And that’s all in a day's work, to be repeated the next. It's gruelling, unforgiving, mind-numbing work—especially if you take pride in what you do. Life doesn't become easier, but it does become bearable if the medium you're working in isn't fighting against you. A style that can work across platforms, can be easy enough for anyone in the department to use, but versatile enough to allow effort when there's time and money. It's homogeneous to the point where the messy, qualitative complications of art direction don't come into play. You can download a vector stock or make it in-house with relative ease and speed, and it looks good enough. The consumer, despite being fatigued by it all, seems to find it good enough. And that's what marks the style really: it's "good enough." It's a style linked to speed and practicality in the face of intense demand and pressure, low industry wages, accessible skills for entry levels, and high corporate barriers as everything's locked within Adobe's infrastructure.

But its strength as this homogeneous vector glob style, with its lack of any real individual identity, is also its biggest weakness. Although I'm sure some designers might enjoy working in this style, it's not really a style designed for creative individual expression. It's called "corporate" for a reason. If you want something different, you might be tempted to try freelancing...

Outside the corporate design department, you might think you're finally free to create in your own style, no longer having to work in that dreaded Corporate Memphis one anymore. But it’s hard enough to work in your own individual style under the best of circumstances. That's because the whole economy is based on the same structures of endless content production for algorithmically optimised consumption that allowed Corp Memphis to thrive, so you're still facing familiar obstacles—creating vast amounts of content, quickly, for wide and insatiable consumer audiences. So, in a way, we have this algorithm-enforced market of content, favouring those who have optimised their style to be better seen by it. It's no wonder Corporate Memphis has endured past its welcome.

However, despite all that, illustrators and artists still plod on. They end up making stuff, somehow navigating these systems— either playing them like a fiddle, outright rejecting them, or going accelerationist about it, like with something such as Corecore. Self-expression can take many forms, and that potential untapped capital value is tantalisingly mouthwatering to corporate capitalists.

Corp Memphis is optimised to a fault. It's too polished, too automated, and fits too well with the well-oiled design apparatus. Thus, it's developed a semiotics to reflect this—it's cheap and it's perceived as cheap. That's why an art director (typically) won’t just stick some Corp Memphis imagine on an album cover or use it to illustrate a particular lifestyle magazine. It wouldn't suit it, it's signalling the wrong stuff. Culture, art, ideas, aesthetics are reflected in work created by practitioners with an artistic vision, or that taps into what's going on in the present. And this is reflected in their art style, something Corp Memphis can't easily do, if at all.

That's why there's still a kind of fringe freelance industry with a speciality in design identity, otherwise known in the industry as "creatives", albeit small and closely gatekept by the likes of legacy institutions such as Goldsmiths and corporate industry leaders like The HudsonBec Group. If a corporation needs design to be spiced up with some kind of creative identity, it'll turn to these agencies or freelancers from this background rather than use Corp Memphis.

But the sad thing is how a corporation doesn't have total control over the process and thus can't control the value and pricing since they have to deal with hiring these pesky freelancers. But how does a corporation even know who to hire? With moodboards, of course! It’s easier to hire someone in-house with "good taste," who can simply curate hot practitioners to hire, like a dragon collecting .png gems. Although a corporation will try to get the best deal it can, these pesky freelancers can potentially negotiate a price for themselves, especially if they’re some big shot who holds a lot of cultural capital.

But another benefit of a moodboard is that it can be converted into a design guide. Simply share the sorts of designers and illustrators that a corporation dreams of hiring but with a cheaper designer, and ask if they can copy the desired style for less. Failing that, they can just outright steal the style anyway. If the creator is small enough, who cares?

But the value and cultural capital that corporations must seek outside their infrastructure, the very thing Corp Memphis cannot do, comes at the price of what Corp Memphis can do. Freelancers are annoying to corporations. They’re inconsistent, outside their remit, and expensive—since any level of lost capital is an expense. And worse of all, they don’t own them. Work made in-house in a corporation is completely theirs to be used forever, however they see fit. A freelance gig is limited to the contract, and typically you have to keep paying for different uses, or pay a lot if it’s expected to be used for something big.

How dare these skilled workers... sorry, freelancers, leverage themselves. If only we, the corporation, could control and treat the work of freelanced art direction like we do Corporate Memphis. Well, maybe we can—with AI.

AI is a whole can of worms of its own. But I will outline how AI shares a lot with Corp Memphis in terms of mechanics, but it's not "good enough" like Corp Memphis is in terms of its aesthetics.

Let's put it like this, if Corp Memphis is above a stock image, which is above clip art, which is above a farting Elsa asset-flip mobile game, then AI-generated images are below that, sharing the same disdainful semiotics of a YouTube thumbnail. AI renders are synonymous with trash, with viewers combing over images seeking out any sniff of AI to decry it. This is, of course, unfortunate for corporations, because AI is wonderfully cheap and efficient to produce. The problem with even "the best" AI is that it still reeks of AI, because it's trained on relatively limited data sets that are the wrong semiotics that corporations typically use and that their consumers are typically familiar with. It's not consistent with typical standards and trends. But even the AI art styles synonymous with AI are really that of unfortunate ArtStation artists whose work has been stolen, scraped, and trained into these models. But none of it is directed, follows trends, or should I say, reflects trends favoured by brands.

Design industry standard work is also bolstered by their industry standing. Their "credibility" sets them apart from, as Mark Zuckerberg puts it, the worthless creators and publishers who ‘overestimate their value’. Sure Zuckerberg might say design is worthless, but let's not forget that Facebook Alegria, the design language developed for Facebook by the mega studio Buck Design in 2017, pretty much started Corp Memphis! I don't know how much that would have cost Zuck, but given how huge Buck is, I don't know, close to $1 million if I had to speculate. So what Zuck is actually saying is you are worthless, without your titles and industry standing, and are ripe for the scrapping.

I still think it would appear crass to the wider public if someone as tactless as Zuck were to steal wholesale from something like It’s Nice That's list of featured artists, due to the "prestigious" tutelage and culture capital of such trendy practitioners. Good luck if you're on your own though.

There's also the issue of copyright. I've no idea how litigious David Rudnick is, maybe he wouldn't even mind, but perhaps it would be legally safer to just hire a copycat of him rather than train an AI on his work. There's no shortage of copycats of him after all, and they'd probably do a better job than AI anyway.

No, a corporation if it wants to avoid all this mess will instead use AI this way:

Step One: Moodboardism

Directed by their little Pinterest moodboards and Instagram saves, a corporation will find the next latest and strongest trend that they want to utilise, be it Y2K or whatever's current on the human ant colony-as-algorithm site, Carri Institute's aesthetics.

Step Two: The Sellout

Hire an on trend freelancer with a large sack of money marked with a dollar sign to do a year's worth of graphic content in a particular on trend style. This is all then fed into their in-house AI database model.

Step Three: Rise and Grind

It's then handed over to the in-house sweatshop graphic designers as the latest toolset that they have to use. They're now tasked with grinding out prompts in this trendy style with the consistency, efficiency, and speed once only achievable with Corp Memphis.

So congratulations, now we have AI that isn't generic Facebook shrimp Jesus trash; it'll be its own unique trash. And sure, perhaps some AI artefacts might come through, but that's what the in-house graphic designers are for— to Photoshop those fingers. The corp no longer needs to put up with some meddlesome expensive freelance art director, as the AI model is consistent enough that someone in-house can direct it, just like Corporate Memphis. And even then, if it still comes across as AI-ish, the hope is that for the general public, it's "good enough", just like Corp... You get the idea.

And this is possible because a freelancers' perceived autonomous strength as corporate mercenaries is also their biggest weakness. They think they can dance with the devil and win, making essentially veneers for capitalists, never once thinking the corporations will one day come to extract capital from them too. Corporate Memphis is never going to die; it's going to mutate into a corporate zombie... Corp Zomphis?

Why bother hiring individual skilled freelancers to do a job in a specific style when you have a year's worth of art, seeded by one of them, to prompt out your own "unique" designs in their style. It's more efficient and cheaper to approach design as a egragore hungry for its next feed, rather than pay for a single illustration. But you'll just have to trust me when I say that I'm not making this up; annual hires to train their own ai is genuinely what big corporation are doing.

But what about the industry, are they just gonna let it happen? I don't know. But I think freelancers don't typically see themselves as a working class, but instead as individualistic, competitive even, little businesses. This is why I think corps will be able to steamroll over freelance designers and illustrators with AI driven Corp Zomphis, because there's no solidarity amongst designers and illustrators, unlike US animators with their union and perception of themsleves as workers. If one freelancer rejects that devil deal to make the annual quantity of prompt feed for a corp, then the next hire will. I remember even hearing the AoI stressing how it wasn't a union, as if union was a dirty word. Instead its existence is to help one interface with their corporate client overlord. Well, soon enough that interfacing will be about betraying your industry freelance brethren to a corporate egragore, basically turning everything into a potential Corporate Memphis reskin. If Corporate Memphis is the design logic of the economy of the 2010s, then I wouldn't be surprised to see people nostalgic for it in the future, if the speculative 2020s model I've described turns out to be true.

[therealcocoshady]

Kinktober - Day 7 - Medical Play

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

A/N : Not sure what's gotten into me lately but I've been on a roll and managed to finish some WIPs I had for Kinktober 👀. The prompt for this one is "medical play". I hope you enjoy it 🙂. I kind of kept this one short and sweet !

If you liked it and want to support a struggling student, you can buy me a cup of coffee. ☕️

CW : fear of hospitals - mention of overdose - trauma - medical play - a little angst

Marshall sat hunched over on the couch in the home studio, eyes locked on his phone screen, jaw clenched. The email had come in that morning—an official note from his management team. The insurance company was insisting on a full medical examination before his upcoming tour. Mandatory. His health records were clean, but that wasn’t good enough for them. They didn’t care that he’d managed to survive in an industry that chewed people up and spat them out. All they saw was a fifty-year-old man who had nearly died from an overdose years ago, and who, in their eyes, might not make it through another tour without some kind of medical assurance.

But they didn’t know what he saw. They didn’t know how, for years, hospitals had haunted his dreams. How that one night back in 2007 still lurked in his mind, the smell of disinfectant and the sound of frantic voices crashing back into his head whenever he thought of doctors or medical equipment. He could still feel the cold sweat on his skin, the sharp pain in his chest as his body started to shut down, the blurred vision as his pulse weakened. He had looked in the mirror, seen the pale reflection staring back at him, and thought, This is it. I’m dying.Even now, a shudder ran through him, his breathing shallow. He could still hear the faint beeping of the machines, the sensation of being utterly powerless as his life slipped through his fingers. It didn’t matter that he’d been sober for years—his mind never let him forget how close he had come to losing everything. He slammed his phone down harder than he intended, the sharp noise echoing in the quiet room. His hands balled into fists, his heart racing. The thought of walking into another doctor's office, of lying on some sterile exam table under the harsh lights—it made his skin crawl. The same paralyzing fear flooded him, that same suffocating helplessness. No way. He wasn’t going through that again.

The sound of the front door opening and closing pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. You had just come home from work. You worked as a nurse practitioner, calm and collected as always, your blue scrubs a stark contrast to the tension simmering in his veins. You walked over, eyes softening as soon as you saw him. “What’s up?” You asked gently, taking a seat beside him. You could read him like a book, and right now, the strain was written all over his face. Marshall exhaled sharply through his nose. “It’s this damn insurance thing,” he muttered, his voice low and rough. “They want me to go through a full medical check-up before the tour. Like I’m some broken old man. They’re scared I’m gonna… I dunno, drop dead on stage or something.” You frowned, your brows knitting together with concern. “I’m sure they’re just being cautious. You’ve got a lot of history… they just want to make sure you’re okay.”. “I am okay,” he shot back, the edge in his voice sharper than he intended. “They’re acting like I’m fragile. I’m not.” You didn’t say anything right away, just gave him that understanding look of yours. You knew what had happened to him—what that fateful night in 2007 had done to him, not just physically but mentally. You knew how hard it was for him to even think about hospitals, let alone step foot in one. “It’s not about being fragile, Marshall. They just want to make sure you’re healthy,” you said softly. “And honestly… so do I.”

He clenched his jaw, looking away. “I don’t need a bunch of doctors poking at me, babe. You know what that’s like for me”. Your hand found his, squeezing gently. “I know.” You paused, choosing your words carefully. “But it’s been a long time since you’ve seen anyone. And you’re not the same guy you were back then. You’ve come a long way.” Marshall swallowed hard, his throat tightening. Yeah, he’d come a long way—but that didn’t erase the fear. It didn’t stop the memories from crashing in, the beeping machines, the sterile smell of antiseptic that still made his stomach turn. The feeling of being trapped, unable to control what was happening to his own body. He had spent so long running from that fear, burying it deep down, that the thought of willingly going into that environment again—of handing himself over to doctors who would look at him like he was just a body to fix—made his heart race with anxiety. “I can’t do it,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t go back in there. I don’t want to feel like that again”.  Your face softened even more. You knew the depth of his trauma, the invisible scars that no one else saw. You leaned in closer, resting your hand on his leg. “Okay. I get it. I know it’s hard. But we can do this… together. You don’t have to go in alone”.  Marshall’s gaze flicked toward you, the hint of desperation in his eyes. “What if… What if I just don’t go? I’ll figure it out. Cancel the damn insurance. I don’t need them.” You shook your head slowly. “You know that’s not an option, babe. This is about your health, your future. But I think there’s a way to make it easier.” He raised an eyebrow, confused. “What do you mean?”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “What if I help you get used to it? At home. No doctors, no hospitals. Just me and you.” You let your hand glide up his arm, your touch soothing as you leaned in closer. “I’ve got some of the equipment at home… I could check your vitals here, no pressure. It doesn’t have to be so clinical. We can make it… more comfortable.” Marshall blinked, the tension in his chest still tight, but your suggestion was throwing him off balance. “You… what? You’re gonna play doctor or something?” Your smile grew, the warmth of your teasing tone cutting through his anxiety like a balm. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He snorted, shaking his head slightly. “You’re crazy.”. “Maybe,” you admitted, standing up and holding out your hand. “But you trust me, right?”. Marshall hesitated for a moment, the fear still gnawing at him, but your hand was steady, your eyes filled with nothing but love and reassurance. He slowly took your hand, letting you guide him into your shared bedroom.

You grabbed a few things from your work bag—a stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, and a small pulse oximeter. The sight of the equipment made his heart thump harder again, the memories flashing for a split second. But you were there, with your soft, knowing smile pulling him back to the present. “Sit down,” you said, pushing him gently onto the edge of the bed. He did as you asked, the tension in his chest still there, but lessening with every second you were close to him. You stood in front of him, your scrubs hugging your curves just enough to remind him of how lucky he was. You let the stethoscope dangle from your neck as you leaned down, your hands resting on his shoulders. “I’m going to listen to your heart,” you said, your voice low, almost a purr. “But I think we both know it’s already racing.”. Marshall’s breath hitched as you slipped the cool diaphragm of the stethoscope under his shirt, your hand pressed softly to his chest. Your touch was careful, but the slow way you leaned in, lips just brushing his ear, sent a shiver down his spine. “Deep breath, baby,” you whispered, your voice sultry as the stethoscope rested just over his heart.

He inhaled deeply, trying to focus, but the sensation of you being so close, your lips grazing his neck, had his pulse pounding for a whole different reason. You pulled back slightly, a teasing smirk playing on your lips as you moved the stethoscope lower, fingers sliding across his skin with deliberate slowness. “You sound a little tense,” you murmured. “Want me to fix that?”. Marshall exhaled shakily, his hands instinctively reaching for your hips. “You’re not playing fair.”. “I never said I would,” you teased, pulling the stethoscope away and moving on to the blood pressure cuff. You knelt in front of him, wrapping it around his arm, the sensation of your fingers tightening it around his bicep sparking something hot between them, as did the vision of you on your knees. The cuff tightened, the pressure building as the sound of his pulse filled the air. Your eyes locked on his, your expression shifting from playful to something more intimate. You leaned closer, your lips brushing the skin just below his jawline as the cuff deflated slowly, the soft hiss filling the room. “You know,” you whispered, your breath warm against his neck. “This is just the beginning. I’m not done with you yet.” Marshall swallowed hard, his pulse racing, his body betraying him in the best way possible. “Yeah? What else you got?”.  You let the blood pressure cuff drop, climbing onto his lap, thighs straddling him as you looped your arms around his neck. “Well,” you purred, your fingers trailing down his chest, “I haven’t checked your temperature yet.”. Marshall chuckled low, the tension between the two of you thick and electric. “Pretty sure it’s rising”.  Your lips brushed his ear, your breath hot and deliberate as your hips pressed into his. “Good. I like it when you’re hot.” His hands gripped your waist, pulling you closer as you leaned in, your lips inches apart. “Think you could check the rest of me while you’re at it?” Your smile was wicked as you pressed your body against his, your lips finally claiming his in a slow, heated kiss. You pulled back just enough to whisper against his mouth. “Don’t worry, Mr. Mathers. I’m going to give you a full exam”. Marshall smirked, the anxiety from earlier completely drowned out by the heat between the two of you. “Now this I can handle.”

[phoenixyfriend]

Time for some tracts:

"How do we create jobs?" You raise the minimum wage, because if people don't need to work three jobs to make rent, those other two jobs will mysteriously open up.

"How do we support small businesses?" You raise the minimum wage, staggered to the biggest corporations first.

"How do we reduce homelessness?" You raise the minimum wage.

"How do we make sure raising the minimum wage doesn't negatively impact prices or--?"

Prices are already rising faster than wages are, this is playing catch up.

Put a cap on CEO salaries and bonuses, they can't earn more than 100 times more than their lowest paid workers. Current US ratio is 342, which is insane. (This list is mostly about the US.)

Hit corporations first, give small businesses time to adjust. McDonald's and Walmart can afford to raise wages to $20/hr before anyone else does, they have that income.

Drop the weekly hours required for insurance from thirty to fifteen. This will disincentivize employers having everyone work 29hrs a week, partly because working only 14hrs a week is a great way to have undertrained, underpracticed staff. Full time employment becomes the new rule.

Legalize salary transparency for all positions; NYC's new law is a good start.

Legislation that prevents companies from selling at American prices while paying American wages abroad. Did you know that McDonald's costs as much or more in Serbia, where the minimum wage is about $2/hr? Did you know that a lot of foreign products, like makeup, are a solid 20% more expensive? Did you know that Starbucks prices are equivalent? Did you know that these companies charge American prices while paying their employees local wages? At a more extreme example, luxury goods made in sweatshops are something we all know are a problem, from Apple iPhones to Forever 21 blouses, often involving child labor too. So a requirement to match the cost-to-wage ratio (either drop your prices or raise your wages when producing or selling abroad) would be great.

Not directly a minimum wage thing but still important:

Enact fees and caps on rent and housing. A good plan would probably be to have it in direct ratio to mortgage (or estimated building value, if it's already paid off), property tax, and estimated fees. This isn't going to work everywhere, since housing prices themselves are insanely high, but hey--people will be able to afford those difficult rent costs if they're earning more.

Trustbusting monopolies and megacorps like Amazon, Disney, Walmart, Google, Verizon, etc.

Tax the rich. I know this is incredibly basic but tax the fucking rich, please.

Fund the IRS to full power again. They are a skeleton crew that cannot audit the megarich due to lack of manpower, and that's where most of the taxes are being evaded.

Universal healthcare. This is so basic but oh my god we need universal healthcare. You can still have private practitioners and individual insurance! But a national healthcare system means people aren't going to die for a weird mole.

More government-funded college grants. One of the great issues in the US is the lack of healthcare workers. This has many elements, and while burnout is a big one, the massive financial costs of medical school and training are a major barrier to entry. While there are many industries where this is true, the medical field is one of the most impacted, and one of the most necessary to the success of a society. Lowering those financial barriers can only help the healthcare crisis by providing more medical professionals who are less prone to burnout because they don't need to work as many hours.

And even if those grants aren't total, guess what! That higher minimum wage we were talking about is a great way to ensure students have less debt coming out the other side if they're working their way through college.

------------------

Linda P requested something either really interesting or really silly and this is... definitely more of a tract on a topic of interest (the minimum wage and other ways business and government are both being impeded by corporate greed) than on a topic of Silly. Hope it's still good!

[trans-rite]

2024 Trans Ancestor Rite: Opening Divination

Hello hello, we are glad to be with you again this year, for what we are pretty sure is our eleventh year of ritually honoring the transgender dead in conjunction with the Trans Day of Remembrance. Welcome, new practitioners, and welcome back to those who have joined us before. Thank you for being here.

We are co-organizing our local trans community's TDOR observance (two separate events) this year, which has diverted some attention from setting up this blog and getting the word out online. However, we have consulted our ancestral helping spirits about participating in the ritual again this year, and want to share those results with you all.

Marsha P Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, and Leslie Feinberg have all consented again to participating as ancestral helping spirits in the ritual. They can be honored and called on as such. When we asked what offerings they would like this year, Sylvia again requested candy (we have been giving sesame candies), lube, and poppers on the altar. Comrade Feinberg requested "creativity in repair," which we took to mean mending bridges within our local trans community, which has been experiencing some internal strife. Marsha's only request was "joy."

Asked what changes they would like us to make in the ritual format, all said that the new format is working, and the only suggestion came from Comrade Feinberg who told us to add "banishing fear" to the altar. Interpret that as you will.

Sylvia struck a somber tone during our divination, indicating that "success [is] critical" this year. When we asked for clarification, she responded "near dark" and "future unknown." Dark times are coming, and holding one another with these sorts of rituals becomes ever more important.

We asked about adding additional helping spirits to the ritual, and Sylvia told us the timing was wrong - we should incorporate new ancestors during the joyful period of the year, rather than putting them to work right away. We will be looking to call on more ancestors next June in order to bring them in both to receive honor and to help tend the line, so more on that to come in the spring.

Our helping spirit Agdistis, whom your two mods work with as a transgender ancestor, will be involved in our own observance again this year, but not in the public event. We want to minimize their contact on folks who are not skilled spirit workers when emotions are already going to be running so high. We plan to incorporate an element into the altar at the two public events which can absorb pain, sadness, fear, and other difficult ambient emotions from the spaces, which we can then offer to Agdistis separately to help our community metabolize them effectively. If you work with Agdistis, let us know your plans for incorporating them this year.

As we suggested last November, please feel free to incorporate local important transgender and gender nonconforming figures who have served caretaking or leadership roles in life and consent after death to hold the ancestral line in your own ritual. Your mods are based in the greater New York City region and thus work with ancestors localized there - but there is no reason you need to restrict your ritual to working with ancestral helping spirits from far away. Do some divination to find out what well and bright transgender ancestors may be available to serve as helping spirits in the place you call home.

Thank you all for your diligence, for your attention, for your participation, for your solidarity, and for your hard work over these many years. Whether you are joining us for the first time or have been with us from the beginning, we thank you and look forward to working together to bring peace and light to our beloved recent dead. May their memories be a blessing.

Post in the #troe2024 tag and we'll share your altar photos on the blog. Comrade Feinberg signed off with the word "courage," which is what we will leave you with here.

-- Mod Alder

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Dirty Work 4

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: Itcha gurl, back at it again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The doctor checks the chart then glances at the machine with your father’s vitals. Today, you’re father’s awake. He has been for a few days but today he’s alert. You know because he told you the jello was disgusting. Those are the first and only words he’s said to you in more than two weeks.

“You’re very lucky to have a daughter who knows what she’s doing,” Dr. Shearer remarks.

Your father grumbles, scowling as he doesn’t offer much else to the doctor.

“You must be happy to have her around,” Shearer continues, “it is time to start considering your discharge. You’re stable, breathing on your own again, your heartbeat is within a normal range.” You watch your father as he stares past the doctor. It’s as if he refuses to acknowledge that this is real. “You’ll have a few new meds to add to your day but with normal check-ups I think we can be optimistic.”

A grunt. You fold your hands and stand up, “thank you, doctor. Erm, could someone explain the new medicines to me?”

“Yes, of course. That’ll be in the discharge paperwork but I’ll have a Nurse Practitioner come to discuss with both of you,” he assures, “and some resources on quitting. The cigarettes can’t continue.”

“I’ll smoke if I goddamn want,” your dad snarls, breaking his shield of indifference.

The doctor gives him a sharp look but doesn’t argue, “I’m only here to diagnose and give me treatment suggestions. But you keep smoking, sir, and next time, you won’t make it to the hospital.”

“Good,” your dad sneers defiantly.

The doctor nods and his mouth seals grimly. He turns back to you, “let us know if you need anything else. We have some support groups and resources, I’ll make sure that info is also sent off with you.”

“Thanks so much, Doctor,” you squeeze your hands tighter. You want to apologise for your father but you know he’ll only get worse if you do.

“It’s alright,” Shearer says as if reading your mind, “these things are stressful. For everyone. Couple more days and he’ll be free to go.”

You try to smile but your cheeks can only tremble. The doctor leaves you with your father and you peek over at him. He grimaces at the ceiling.

“That’s good news, dad,” you say as you near the foot of his bed.

“Is it? You shoulda left me to die,” he barks.

You flinch, not once, twice. A chirp in your pocket further jars you as it shrilly erupts in the buzzing silence. You reach into the pocket of your hoodie and clutch your flip phone as it bings even louder. The little digital display shows the agency’s number.

“Sorry,” you apologise and flip it open, turning away to scurry out and answer, “hello?”

You hold your breath. Why are they calling? You didn’t have a job today and you only really get emails regarding clients. It must be very serious.

“It’s Clara,” your boss begins in her terse way. “Have you seen my email?”

She sighs, “you should be checking daily. Got a job today. You want it?”

You blink. This is the first time you’ve been asked to come in for an extra shift. You could use the money desperately. When your dad is discharged, he’ll be sent off with another invoice.

“Yes,” you accept without hesitation, “I’ll take it.”

“Great. Check your email. Details are there,” she sniffs.

“Alright, tha-nks,” your voice cracks as she hangs up in the middle of your last word. She must be busy, surely more busy than you, the lowest rung on the ladder she has to keep from falling over.

You close the phone and put it back in your pocket. You shuffle back into the room and find your father with his eyes closed. The machine continues to beep in time with his pulse.

“I gotta work,” you say, “that was my boss–”

“Then leave me alone,” he snaps without opening his eyes, “can’t you see I’m tryna sleep?”

“Sorry, I–”

“Go and don’t come back,” he growls, “I don’t need you crowding this shit hole.”

“Um, dad, I–”

He coughs and hacks and waves you off, swallowing thickly, “I said go.”

You dip your head down. You can’t imagine being in his position. Stuck in a hospital bed on the other side of near-death. You might not be very nice yourself.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I don’t care,” he turns his head and wiggles his shoulders as he tries to get comfortable.

You swallow down the hurt. You didn’t expect him to thank you for what you did. Not for anything. That’s just what you do for someone you love. Yet, you hoped he might have woken up a little bit nicer than before.

“Love you, Dad,” you murmur.

He grumbles. That’s all you get. You suck in a breath and hold it in, trying to keep from crumbling long enough to get out of that room.

🧹

At first, you’re not certain the information in the email is correct. You’re to return to Mr. Laufeyson’s house for the second time that week, but it’s a Friday night. In your days at the hospital, the calendar lines skewed between the alarms you kept in your phone for sanity. The return to reality is just as disjointing as the descent away from it.

You go home and change into your typical cleaning attire. All black. Plain. Clothes meant for getting dirty. Not that any of your wardrobe is particularly spectacular.

You grab your kit and your water bottle and rush out to catch the bus. You’re not used to being on transit near-dark. The prospect of getting home comes to mind as you cling to a pole amidst the crowded vehicle. It makes you nervous but you’re certain it will be okay. Mr. Laufeyson lives in a nice neighbourhood.

You get off the bus and bring your phone out. As you approach the house, it is lively with bodies milling in and out. You let yourself through the gate and peer over at the two cube vans near the front entrance. A white jacket, pristine uniforms, you can only assume they are some sort of catering company. The type you’ve seen on TV in those reality shows with women drinking wine.

You watch them for a moment. They are orderly and determined. What’s more, they work together in perfect harmony, words passing quietly and easily, trays moving smoothly between hands and set onto carts. It’s a shining contrast to your dim and lonely work.

You make yourself turn away and continue around the back of the house. You stop short of the rear corner and a gasp bubbles up. You watch a hummingbird buzzing over the bed of flowers. It’s so small and green and cute. You wince as it flits up towards the window, your cheeks bulbing to the smile as your gaze follows it. 

In a moment, it wings away, shyly retreating from your admiration. Your eyes fall to the window as you sense a shift on the other side. Just between the edges of the half-drawn drapes you meet a pair of green eyes over a long and cynical nose. Your smile dissolves as you recognise Mr. Laufeyson and his stony observation. You touch your fingertips to your mouth in self-reproach and tuck your chin down, turning back onto the path.

You go to the back door but it’s already unlocked. You let the handle go and linger outside. You noticed the email is shorter than usual. This isn’t your typical rote with Mr. Laufeyson.

‘Cleaner to be at standby for guests and cook…’

You glance down the paragraph. You’re to stay until after the ‘event’ so that you may tidy up. Your curiosity sparks but quickly fizzles. It’s best not to be too concerned. Just focus on what you need to do.

You let yourself in but forego the shoe covers and gloves as specified in the email. You hang your hoodie in the closet along with your kit. As you hook the strap of your water bottle over your head, a glimmer passes down the end of the hall and the lighting shifts. You look up as Mr. Laufeyson approaches.

He always dresses finely but he looks particularly put together. His hair is tidy and neat and he wears a velvet jacket in a deep shade of violet over a black collared shirt and matching trousers. His tie is narrow and blends into the fabric of his shirt. He keeps his hands behind him as he holds his chin up.

“I trust you understand your assignment,” he prompts as he stops a foot away, cornering you in the back hallway.

You nod. He tilts his head but his veneer does not break.

“Not that,” he points to the water bottle, “you may ask one of the cook’s assistants for a glass should you require it, but be rid of that ugly thing.”

“Oh–” you gulp back your voice and bow your head again. 

You untangle the trap from your torso and open the closet, tucking it away with your sweater and bag. You shut the door and find him closer than before, his hand on the door frame as he looms over you. His other wanders down the trim of his jacket.

“You are to keep yourself unseen. You tend to messes and that’s it. The rules remain. Are we understood?” He asks.

You look at him and nod. He sighs and stands straight, a deep breath rising in his chest. 

“You may answer aloud so I know we are clear,” he says.

“I understand, Mr. Laufeyson,” you eke out.

“Mmm,” his gaze lingers on you in unreadable consideration. Dressed in plain cotton, you feel wholly insignificant before him. “Go on, you will keep your vigil in the kitchen. They would require most of your assistance.” He backs away and buttons the front of his jacket, “you will not disturb my guests. Not a look, not a word.”

You know your turn to talk is over. You merely nod and he seems pleased by your deference. Not openly, he shows a hint of a smile nor does he praise you. But he is not unhappy and you know that is a feat.

🧹

The cook’s name is Corissa. She has spiraled red hair and pretty gold-green eyes. As you enter, she introduces herself and asks your name.

“I’m just here to clean,” you explain. “So if you need me–”

“Oh, hon, no need ta be shy,” she says in her wolfish voice, “we’re all in this togetha.”

You smile and stand against the wall, waiting to be told what to do next. She gives you a lingering glance but doesn’t comment. You see a question woven in her brow. She begins her work, directing her assistants at saucepan and cutting board alike, all while falling into a raucous rapport.

“Theo say ‘ma, did ya have ta tell that story?’” She cackles midway through a tale you lost track of, her hands moving expertly at her work, “and I say, ‘the gal deserves ta know, ‘specially if ya mean to burden her’.”

You bite into your lower lip. It’s like there’s an invisible wall in front of you. It’s been there your whole life. That one that separates you from others. You’re always on the outside watching. Just like in the schoolyard when the girls wouldn’t let you play with them. Or when your dad has his buddies over and told you to ‘piss off to your room’.

The first course is served on sleek black trays. As you watch the servers carry them out, Corissa calls your name. She makes you lurch in surprise as you’d be convinced you blend right into the plaster.

“Come have a taste,” she insists, “this one’s a bit mussed up.”

“Um, er, it’s okay, I’m not hungry–”

“Bah, come on, have some. I hate ta toss it in the bin.”

You don’t want to argue. That would be rude. So you come forward and accept the crumbly pastry with an ugly tear in the top, the filling bulging out.

“Lobster croquette,” she explains, “you’re not allergic, are ya?”

You shake your head and thank her as you back up to the wall again. You cup your hand under the misshapen ball as you bite into it. You could hum at the taste. It’s delicious and rich and savoury. You’ve never had anything like it. You’ve never even tasted lobster before.

“You like it?” She asks as you swallow your mouthful. You nod. “Quiet one, you.” She points at you.

You don’t answer. What can you say? You are quiet. You finish the croquette and go to dust the crumbs off your hand over the bin. You slide your foot off the pedal and let the lid drop. You take the cloth from your waistband and near the counter, going to work at tidying up the remnants of her work.

“Eh, look at you, busy little bee,” she chuckles, “I was gettin’ ta tha.”

“My job,” you insist.

“Maid,” a snap of the fingers draws your head up as Corissa sprinkles seasoning into a new pan.

Mr. Laufeyson offers only a curled finger. Your eyes round and cross to him, tucking the cloth into your pants again. He’s already striding away as you get to the door. You trail him, uncertain at what he needs. 

He leads you to the dining room, the garble of voices and clinking of glasses preceding your arrival. He enters ahead of you and claims the seat at the head of the table. The serves pass you with empty trays and you gape around in confusion.

“Oh my, look at me,” a woman giggles as she uses a cloth napkin to pat along her collarbone. Thin straps cling to her delicate shoulders as her skin glistens beneath the golden chain strung around her throat, “making a scene already.”

You see the wine glass on its side and hear the contents dripping onto the floor. You put your head down and hurry over. The dinner guests laugh and are quickly onto their next topic, about some coast they plan to vacation at once the summer comes. You try not to eavesdrop as you sop up the puddle of wine on the table and get down to wipe clean the floor.

As you do, you feel a tickle on the back of your neck. You don’t let it stop you. It must be an accident. You’re so cramped between the woman’s seat and the next that you must be in the way. The fingertips remain and brush more firmly as you hear a low, gritty exhale. 

You ball up the damped cloth and stand, daring a glance at the man as he draws his hand back into his lap. His broad shoulders make the back of the tall chair seem small and his blonde hair is twisted into a low tight bun. He guffaws loudly at the table, seemingly unfazed by his own wandering touch. It must’ve been an accident.

You back up and peer towards the head of the table. Laufeyson’s eyes are slits as he stares in your direction. Surely, he’s not watching you. You’re supposed to be unseen. Get out of there.

You retreat quickly, the din thundering louder and louder at your back, rumbling behind you into the hall. You wring the cloth, now stained and stinking of wine. You hope you didn’t upset Mr. Laufeyson, you only did as you were told.

[buckrecs]

Single Mom!Reader

masterlist | req masterlist 

bucky with kids🥺

ONESHOT

Feel Like Baking Love by @wehaveabucky-archive

you forget the most important part of your kids birthday party; the cake. but thankfully, a local patissier is more than willing to help you in your hour of need

Marley by @leascorner

Eventually, Bucky gave his deepest secrets away and you let him know yours. Her name was Marley.

Can I call you dad? by @winvterstan

You and Bucky have been dating for eight months. One day your four years old daughter has an interesting request for Bucky.

Who’s That? by @imagineaworlds

A Bucky x single mom reader and the reader brings him to dinner.

good morning by @buckybarnesdiaries

after a mission in Europe, you come back to the Avengers Compound, being received by a lovely surprise.

Playdate by @becca-e-barnes

You’re a single parent to an outgoing little boy called Oliver. On the first day of school he makes a new friend, Thomas Barnes. Both Thomas and his dad Bucky come over for dinner.

incandescent glow by @allyouneedisbuck

bucky barnes has a knack for finding warmth. his job as a firefighter. steve and nat and their unwavering warmth and kindness. you, and your daughter, and the sunshine filled smiles and laughs. he’s just trying to figure out how to tell you he wants it all with you.

Operation Get Mr Bucky and Momma Together by @golden-barnes

Bucky doesn't play favorites but Amaya is definitely his favorite, especially because her mom is hot.. Cue a 6-year-old trying to get Bucky to be her dad. (Teacher!Bucky)

goodnight kiss by @alisonsfics

bucky stays over at your place because he’s having work done on his apartment. he gets to hang out with you and your son.

What’s on your back? by @itsbuckysworld

“Show me what’s behind your back.”

Catch Me If You Can by @buckyalpine

Maybe he isn’t so bad.

Disney Princesses and Dog Tags by @buckyalpine

My Mom Thinks You’re Hot by @bluehourbucky

your son tries to set you up with an avenger in a grocery store

apartment 4d by @sunmoonandeddie

There’s nothing Bucky loves more than the widow down the hall and her son.

family additions by @ezm-imagines

reader's daughter calls bucky dad for the first time.

SERIES

The Slip Up by @justkending

After a last hurrah to graduating college with a future to be a family practitioner, a little slip up happens… Seven years down the road, just when things just now seem to be going smoothly, Y/N approaches that slip up from all those years ago. She’s not looking for anything right now. She is just where she wants to be in life. It seems the universe has a different idea though. One called James Barnes.

Yours, Mine, Ours by @coffeecatsandcandles

Bucky Barnes has been raising his girls, Rebecca and Winnie, for the last two years. He'd lost all hope of falling in love again until he met you, a pediatrician with two children of your own- Elliot and Willow. He falls in love and he falls hard, but the challenges of being single parents still weigh on you both at times. Luckily, you'll always have each other.

Redcove Harvest by @iwillbeinmynest

Farmhand!AU and SingleMom!Reader

The Lucky One by @avengerofyourheart

As a single mom with a jerk of an ex-husband, you’re doing your best to run the family business all on your own when your mother hires a mysterious man with a troubled past to help out. He just might be what you need in your life, but will his secrets bring you together or tear you apart?

Grant | 2| 3 by @coffeecatsandcandles

Bucky finds out you have a son from a previous relationship.

Love At First Grade by @buckysimp101

When father and first grade teacher Bucky Barnes ends up with Avery L/N in his class, the daughter of the “ruthless” CEO of L/N Enterprises, he's in for a surprise that's sure to change his life.

Part of a Family | 2 by @onceuponastory

After Y/N is abandoned by her boyfriend, the father of her 8 month old son, her best friend Bucky comes to the rescue. The same Bucky who’s been in love with Y/N ever since he met her.

Blue is for Ben by @writerlyhabits

Bucky has a meet-cute with you as you're waiting for the elevator in his building, and he's instantly captivated by you.. and your son. What lies in store for the super soldier as he falls head over heels for the single mom who lives just down the hall? Or finds himself wanting to hear about four-year-old Ben's day at school…

My Little Hero by @bucky-bear-barnes

Bucky stumbled upon a sweet young girl defending his honor. And finding out that her mom is the lovely single mom he always kind of liked.

From Left Field | 2 | 3 by @ofstarsandvibranium

chubby Bucky falling for a mother.

The Road Goes Ever On and On by @rocketrhap3000

Life as a single mother of a three year old certainly has its struggles. But when a sweet stranger makes his way into you and your little boy’s life, a one of a kind connection sparks.

[blue-sterling0357]

hi. may i request headcanons of ciel, sebastian and grell reacting to the fem reader being an umbra witch (like bayonetta)?

(this request was kind of hard, but I really enjoyed writing it!!! Apologies for any mistakes in the request, I'm not familiar with Umbra witches)

Ciel, Sebastian, Grell X Umbra witch! S/O

Ciel PhantomHive

❈ Ciel learned about you being a witch when he started dating you, now he was sure you'd help and he was right, you'd help Sebastian and the other servants around!

❈ Ciel knew you were magical, but just not how magical and strong you were. You and him would have like shooting practice, Sebastian mostly had you both do that, you were surprisingly very experienced with guns, okay that a was an understatement you were astronomical...

❈ Until he found out you were a Umbra witch which kill angels, demons as well....Sebastian was definitely worried if you were here to break his contract, but you told him you weren't and he was normal again, he is quite interested at what you do as a Umbra Witch.

❈ Ciel once saw your shadow when he was sleeping and instead of your own, the shadow was of a very huge and horrendous demon, he asked you about it but you dismissed saying, it was nothing and that the late night shines could have something to do that and Ciel believed that until he learnt about your abilities.

❈ Ciel and Sebastian take you on most of their cases, like during the Jack the Ripper, you fought with Grell very easily using your four guns, two in your hands and other two on your heels that you fire using your telekinetic powers. And Grell got enamoured with you, she enjoyed annoying you and Sebastian...

❈ And when you were fighting with Angela, you let out a huge demoness from your hair, for the first time not only Ciel but Sebastian was frightened a bit and Sebastian in his true demon form and you with your infernal demoness paired up together to kill Angela.

❈ After the fight, Ciel and Sebastian learned about you as a Umbra Witch. You were now more comfortable to dress up to your style more around them, which showed your rank in your clan. Sebastian also learned how you use your hair to create your clothing using magic and how you carry four guns at all time..He is proud of you, a bit...

❈ Ciel learned how Umbra Witches gain power, you told him and Sebastian how you make a pact with a Infernal demoness to sponsor you and allow you to improve you. And you showed him an example by sparring with Sebastian summoning the demoness's fists and feet for attacking the butler. And this is how Ciel learned how your shadow is portrayed by a demon's silhouette.

❈ Ciel started reading books about Umbra witches and learnt about them from you as well, he learned how Umbra witches were witches who are powerful practitioners of a form of magic known as Dark Arts, revolving around the usage of Spirit Energy, an evocation of beings from Inferno, and optionally forming contracted with specific Contracted Demons to perform special techniques.

❈ Ciel also learnt how other than your sponsor demon, you summon more demons from Inferno by using different mediums like using your hair or chanting a spell...Sebastian is kinda jealous at how strong you are and always wants to fight you now...

❈ Ciel notices how you always go missing sometimes and later on learnt how Umbra Witches travel from the normal world to the Purgatorio dimension, which allows them to travel without being by normal humans in the human world and how you can fight beings that are usually invisible to humans, but visible to creatures such as angels. And this is the only reason why Sebastian knows where you even when you aren't anywhere in the manor...

❈ You would help servants around as well, once Mey-rin and you were washing dishes while you were talking with Ciel and she accidently dropped one of the most expensive and prettiest china tea-cup, and you grabbed it with your super fast reflexes, it was around 4 feet above the ground that's how fast you were...Now Ciel did scold Mey-rin a bit, but he is always curious about these perks of yours...

Sebastian Michaelis

❈ Sebastian knew about you being a strong witch from the beginning, he felt an extremely strong aura from you and he could feel demons stronger than him around you, which made him worry if someone was having an eye on his lover...

❈ Sebastian had often see you in formal, body-fitting outfits and always thought you looked pretty and amazing in them, though he was curious as to why you were in such formal clothing, until you told him it's to show your rank in your clan, the he understood and would often keep your outfits clean and fresh..

❈ He asked you about it and you explained how you were an Umbra witch, he remember meeting one of them and learning about them, he knew you kill angels and some demons as well, but he didn't know how and so he was curious about everything you do..

❈ Sebastian had always noticed your shadow not being you but of a huge demon and he figured it's because of your power which had something to do with demons, cause he always felt demons around you even when there weren't any... or he always thought it was his real form behind you but he noticed it looked different than his demon form.

❈ During the luxury liner Campania, while Elizabeth was fighting with the undead, you were fighting with Undertaker and Rian Stoker, Sebastian was keeping an eye on you because demon things and he saw you letting out a HUGE ASS DEMONESS from your hair which literal killed all the people in one sec and since grim reapers probably can't harm them, another plus point of being a umbra witch!!!

❈ You would often tell him how you all needed a infernal demoness to sponsor you and how you could summon their feet and fists to attack something, protect something and basically control them and he got really excited and so you both spend the next three to five hours sparing and him being defeated with stars in his eyes..

❈ If he is allowed to touch one of the four guns, he is going to use it and decorate it according to your aesthetic of your outfit, subtly, of-course, which shows your rank in the clan, you weren't nervous to dress like you wanted around him, he also has gun practices with you and Ciel at times for entertainment..

❈ He learnt about you being able to travel from normal world to Purgatorio world without being detected by humans and so he would also ask if you if you okay with it to also to teleport him with you as well, cause he's clingy like that.. :>

❈ Sebastian is a demon who is naturally a dark creature cap which commit sins all the time, and so it was natural that he chose someone as you to be his significant other, an Umbra witch who are practitioner of dark arts, involving around spirits energy, demons and being able to perform special techniques due to being sponsored by a demoness...

❈ Your super fast reflexes also help you find what tricks sebastian has up his sleeve at times, maybe the tricks he's about to play, maybe the pranks, maybe a hit, or maybe a kiss, depends in all honesty...

❈ Overall you both are a generally dark, cute and demonic couple who'd people are tad bit creeped out and scared off...

Grell Sutcliffe

❈ You met her during the Jack the Ripper case and she was more than happy when Ciel asked you and Sebastian to teach him to be a good butler, she is more than obsessed with you than him tho, curiosity probably!

❈ When she saw you, she did feel the aura of a demon, but not those types like Sebastian, but different, more feminine, maybe more smokey, she doesn't know how to describe it and neither do I! So, she was a bit vary around in the beginning of you both dating, then she became normal afterwards when you explained the different demons....

❈ She noticed your shadow too, she's not that dumb, she is always confused as to why there is a demon in your shadow when you're a human, unless you're a demon? But no, you explained to her that it's because as a umbra witch, that you have a infernal demoness sponsor you, and that's the reason your shadow is a demon instead of a human!

❈ During the book of atlantic, she saw you fight the undead as you let out a demon form your hair and summoned the infernal demoness's fists and feet to attack them in less time as the ship was sinking, she definitely found it very hot! And of-course she clinged to you after the fight..

❈ She wants to learn everything even though her work stops her from spending her whole day with you and learning about your life as a umbra witch no worries she'll learn about you in any way she deems fit!

❈ Oh and she's either in love with your outfit or finds it a bit intimidating, she'll try to match with you as you explain how your outfits show your rank in the clan and she nods as she learns more and she glams up your outfits just a BIT so that your outfits look better but at the same time, your outfit stays the same shows your rank in your clan!!

❈ You know how she has that chin saw, if you give her one of your four guns, she will give her chainsaw but please be careful with it as it is basically her baby, and it is very important to her...

❈ She is very much in love with the witch aesthetic and so it may seem fitting that she is dating you, an umbra witch, a practitioner of dark arts, spirits energy, demons and other things, she also started reading about Umbra witch, which is a tad bit hard considering there isn't much literature talking about your guys presence in the past, she does learnt that you can kill angels and on occasion demons, so there's that!

❈ she wouldn't be able to find you often and when she asked Ciel, he said he never saw you around, unless she talked with Bassy about it! Then she learnt that you can travel from human world to Purgatorio world without being detected by humans and so due to her curiosity, she would ask you to take her with you!!

❈ So there's that, a grim reaper with an Umbra witch, both desperately in love with each other and being simps for each other's aesthetic... <3