#BUT a lot of ppl really do love this book so i would say give it a chance!! you may love it
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Thank you @mayurisstalker for the tag 💜💜💜 i tried and i hope its a good intro to me?
Origin of Username:
Tbh it’s legit I fell in love w/ Kenpachi while my bf rewatched Bleach and god damn i fell hard for that man. I’m kinda nb so partner felt right in comparison especially cuz i use partner in real life cuz it feels more mutual and equal of a standing in most
OTP/Fave Ships:
Kenmayu- do i even need reason???
ShunUki- once again, god damn
TodoBaku- don’t even ask me i love both of them and just want to have that throuple w them
KiriBaku- they’re so freakin cute together
Fave Color:
Rainbow- i legit love just all colors and shades, if i had to narrow narrow to what i’d wear, forest or sage green, black, all purple shades
Song Stuck in my Head:
It was literally released a couple hours ago but GBAD by Jackson Wang (i love all of his music and just him as a person, he’s just so fuckin real and i vibe) also python by got7
Weird Habit/Trait:
Probably got a few but i normally have to triple check doors if they’re locked (ive gotten better) but like i used to lock bathroom door the moment i walked in and same with bedroom door when i had one. Doors unlocked were not good to me as i grew up obsessed w true crime. I also make really strange connections to things, like there can be completely unrelated topics like idk fuckin silk and horses or something and my brain will make connections until the two are easily related??? Idk if that makes sense
Hobbies:
Art, reading, listening to a lot of music, currently learning mandarin, sewing (just started), cooking/baking depending what the people (my bf and coworkers) request
If I Could Get Any Job What Would It Be:
Researcher/historian/professor- i have a degree in history (ik im a dweeb) with a focus area of Asia, but i like topics that often get overlooked so like language usage in history, lgbtqia+ in eastern culture and the effects of colonization, tattoo history, art/music history, death practices, fashion history, etc.
Something I’m Good At:
Research, listening/advice, random facts, makeup, and apparently making people laugh with my neutral face cuz it just seems funny ig????
Something You Hate:
Hearing people chew/swallow irks the hell out of me, bad tattoos (like legit poorly done, not hygenic and just things that ppl don’t know and choose without understanding particular meaning or even what it is), and passive aggressive or disrespectful adults
Something You Forget:
My appointments cuz i have health issues and i always forget until they call me as a reminder
Your Love Language:
I’m a gifter/acts of service person, tbh i’d probably do anything for most people bc its just who i am, but i love words of affirmation esp bc my imposter syndrome is really bad as well as my anxiety and depression esp as of late
Favorite Movies/Shows:
Oof…. Bleach, Bnha, forensic files, family guy (great bg noise for me), say yes to the dress atlanta (guilty ples), kotaro lives alone, sakamoto days, golden girls
Orphan????, akeelah and the bee, the book club movies, step up, runaway jury
Tbh its really hard for me to get thru shows and movies but getting better
Favorite Food:
Mussels and white clam sauce pasta, also wonton soup
Favorite Animal: bats/cats
What Were You Like as a Child:
Quiet, didn’t really talk to anyone or have friends. Spent childhood in basement since i wasn’t allowed outside, so the garfield game disc for computer was all i had and purble palace. I was v disrespectful to my parents cuz i didnt know fully that i wasnt supposed to call them by their actual name instead of mom and dad since i only ever heard their first names used
Favorite Subject in School:
Math, science, history (all of each)
Least Favorite Subject:
English cuz the teachers didn’t like how i wrote but none of them tried to give me advice
What’s Your Best Character Trait:
I will do just about anything for anyone, say the word and i’ll help or do whatever it is
What’s Your Worst Character Trait:
Kinda a doormat cuz of my best trait getting better though at establishing boundaries, but im also a bit abrasive
If You Could Change Any Detail of Your Life Right Now, What Would It Be:
My job, i work in retail but my new store manager sucks as a person and treats us sales associates like weve never done anything in our life and is just blatantly disrespectful to my coworkers and myself and i dont like it, also if you have seen my main, yk i got called useless during a job interview this week so that too
If You Could Travel Back In Time, Who Would You Like to Meet:
Kind of an odd one but maybe my great grandmother/great grandfather since my family doesn’t fully know where they’re from and her nickname is my middle name
No Pressure Tags:
Ummmm @hypnotixstorm , @alice-raynor , really anyone who may want to!!!!!!
Get to know mutuals ^-^ tagged by @bankaizen (thank you for the tag ❤️)
I'm sorry, it's so long!! I'm putting it behind the read more for easier reading.
What’s the origin of your username? It's a song by Armand Van Helden! He's one of my favourite DJs haha.
OTP(s) + shipname: TUna LMAO (Tidus/Yuna) from FFX, Fanille (Fang/Vanille from FFXIII), Touya/Yukito from CCS, GinRan and Unohana/Isane from Bleach. Yakuza: Daigo/Mine. Also a big fan of Canon Character/OCs!!!
Favourite colour: Turquoise/teal - most of my fountain pen inks are in that colour range lol
Song stuck in my head: The Macrodata Refinement Dance Party mixed by ODESZA
Weirdest habit/trait: If I'm at a restaurant, I fold my used napkins neatly to be disposed of.
Hobbies: I have a lot! Aside from writing, there are:
(junk) journaling, which in turn, lead me to my stationery and fountain pen hobbies
playing the piano (been playing since I was 5)
swimming (was a competitive swimmer for most of my child and teenage years)
I garden in the spring/summertime
I also love to cook and have done dinner parties for my friends (but I don't enjoy baking)
I'm also into photography
I wish I had more time in the day for it, but I also try to do some language learning!
If you could have any job you wish what would you have? A food/travel writer/reviewer!
Something you’re good at: I've been told I'm good at giving advice and listening to people. Personally I'm very good at directions! There have been a few times where I've been stopped on the street and helped people navigate their way around.
Something you hate: Oranges :(, I can't stand the colour, the smell and the taste.
Something you forget: Hmmm not sure! I guess phone numbers. I only remember the numbers of my immediate family...
Your love language: Gift giving! I love getting people gifts and try hard to get something meaningful and/or practical. I'll try to remember little details about my friends and find something along the lines of that. I also love receiving gifts lol.
Favourite movies/shows: Ahhh so many! For animanga: Bleach, Samurai Champloo, xxxHOLiC, Sailor Moon, JJBA Diamond is Unbreakable. For movies: Spirited Away, Sorry to Bother You, Drive, Kill Bill Vol 2, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, The Fall. Shows: Hannibal, Regular Show, 30 Rock, Prison Playbook (k-drama), Hotel del Luna (k-drama), Racket Boys (k-drama).
Favourite food: Too many... I think I could eat soup dumplings/xiaolongbao by the bucket loads. Or Sri Lankan crab curry mmmm. I also can't say no to chocolate cake 🫣
Favourite animal: bears!!! I know they could kill me, but why are they friend-shaped :(
What were you like as a child? I was an easygoing child and VERY curious. I would wake up in the middle of the night to do "science" experiments. Like one time I woke up around 3am and I dug up the front yard to find "cool rocks" 💀 or buy mentos from the local convenience store, wait for everyone to go to bed, then sneak into the kitchen and put the mentos in my parents 2L coke bottle to see it explode LMAO.
Favourite subject in school: i've been in school for too long: french & geography -> science -> physics -> biology -> advanced health economics for low and middle-income countries & biostatistics
Least favourite subject: Wood working... to avoid a fail, I asked the guy who had a crush on me to help me with my final project 🫣 I also hated organic chemistry in undergrad.
What’s your best character trait: I've been told I'm very caring and calming to be around! I had a friend describe me as a "human version of a spa" 💀
What’s your worst character trait? I cut people out of my life very easily. I think I should be more forgiving, but I just... can't get passed whatever slight was made to me/loved ones. I'm trying to be understanding and compassionate, but I also don't want you near me ever again lol.
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? I hope trump and his administration dies. In my immediate life? I'd like a higher salary.
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? It is definitely a tie between Johann Sebastian Bach and Muzio Clementi!! They are my favourite composers. My piano exam repertoire for the Baroque and Classical periods were from their piano repertoire. I have so much fun playing them and would love to learn their thought processes.
I tag: @soprawrites @villainsrtasty @nail-art-no-jutsu @muzansfangs @snuggetfish @if-dreams-do-come-true and any others who want to do this too (also feel free to ignore if you don't wanna do this, no obligation at all!!)
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Is house of leaves not good😭 just ordered that shit a few days ago
OMG i was just coming on here to update.
im 402 pages in. loving it at times and hating it at times. generally i find it to kind of be exhausting and a slog. to me it isn't really scary at all, but it is very sad. that being said ! ! ! it covers a lot of rly fascinating themes that resonate with me so i am sticking it out!!!
#thotbox#thotmail#library cherub#i am not a fan of the writing at all to be honest!!!!#BUT a lot of ppl really do love this book so i would say give it a chance!! you may love it
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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hi again! so I've been meaning to send a request, but before i go about it I wish to say it's completely okay if you're not inspired by this, or if you simply don't want to write it, i would hate myself if I made you overwhelmed or smth. love you anyways 💕 so for the request: reader who's autistic. she's not very talkative nor socially active, never had a boyfriend, has one or two friends, yet somehow rafe notices her and finds her endearing. she's okay being herself with her friends, like she's funny, kind and passionate about her interests (like geek stuff, fantasy books, animals and such). she has zero flirting experience and is always dismissive towards rafe bc she doesn't think someone could like her romantically, and she's always suspicious of people bc they've wronged her in the past (in my experience as an autistic person i tend to believe everything ppl say and am kinda naive, so ppl played me or said unrealistic things and I believed them, which then is a reason for laughter, now I'm always suspicious to ppl's intentions). I'm giving you creative freedom with this, just wanted an autistic reader for once :) if you feel like writing it but need to know more abt autism, you can just post question and I'll answer in your asks, if that's okay. Just a reminder again before I go: feel free to decline this request, I know it might not be something cool to write and that's okay ☺️ love you lots, thank you for your time!
i tried my best, hope you like it 🫶🏼 and if you don't lmk so i can do better!! this was really fun since it's a compeltely new topic of inspiration. kinda left an "open" ending bc i couldn't make my mind up lmao. thank you for the resquest and sorry it took me a while to finally do it 🫂
got dreams but i can't make myself believe them - r.c
paring: rafe x autistic!reader word count: 6.9k



The party was a mistake. You knew it the moment you walked in, the thumping music and crush of people making your skin crawl. Your friends had been relentless, insisting that you needed to “get out more” and “live a little,” despite your repeated attempts to explain that “getting out” meant something different to you.
But somehow, you’d caved, and now you were standing awkwardly in the corner of a stranger’s living room, clutching your book like it was a life vest. You needed to stop letting them drag you everywhere.
It was the typical college party scene, at least the one's you'd heard or read about before. Red solo cups everywhere, groups of people huddled on couches or pressed together on the so called dance floor, and a few already-drunk guys yelling loudly in the kitchen.
This was supposed to be fun?
“Just stay for an hour,” they said. “If it’s really that bad, you can leave.”
Right. Except an hour felt like an eternity when you were trapped in a sensory nightmare. You took a deep breath, scanning the crowded room. There were people everywhere—laughing, dancing, chattering loudly in clumps—and the noise was a constant, overwhelming buzz in your ears.
This was definitely a mistake.
So, you did what you always did in these situations: you found a place to hide. After walking through the drunk college students, you eventually ended up on quiet nook near the back of the house. It was a small room, probably some sort of den or study. Blessedly, it was empty. With a sigh of relief, you settled into an oversized armchair, opened your book, and let the world outside your pages melt away.
Time slipped by as you read, the noise of the party changing into a distant hum. You were so engrossed that you didn’t even notice when someone stumbled into the room until a loud crash jolted you out of your fictional word. He nearly tripped over his own feet, catching himself at the last second with a slurred, “Shit.”
You looked up to find a guy standing unsteadily in the doorway, blinking blearily at you. He was tall, with tousled hair and a loose, easy grin that spoke of far too many drinks. His eyes were a striking blue even in the low light, and it took you a second to place him.
Rafe Cameron.
Oh, God. You knew him—well, of him, at least. He was in your sociology class, always sitting a few rows behind you with his gaggle of equally charming friends. He’d never spoken to you before, though, and you’d never had a reason to pay him much attention.
Until now.
Then his face split into a lazy grin, and he swaggered—no, stumbled—into the room, somehow managing to make even that look effortless.
“Heyyy,” he drawled, leaning heavily against the arm of the chair across from you. “It’s… it’s you.”
You blinked at him. “Me?”
“Yeah,” he slurred, squinting like he was trying to see you clearly. “T-The girl from my class. The quiet one.”
Your stomach did a weird flip, part confusion, part disbelief. “Okay?”
“Yeah.” He nodded sagely, as if you’d just confirmed some great truth. “You’re the uh, the smart one. With the books.” He gestured vaguely at the one in your hands. “Always sittin’ up front, all… all cute n'shit.”
Your cheeks burned. Was he seriously calling you cute? No. He was drunk—really drunk. He probably didn’t even know what he was saying.
“Do you need help?” you asked cautiously. “You look—”
“I’m fine,” he cut you off, straightening up as if to prove it, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the way he swayed on his feet. “Needed to get away from those idiots out there. Too many people.”
You almost laughed. Rafe Cameron, overwhelmed by people? The guy who was always surrounded by friends, girls practically draped over him like accessories? But he looked sincere—well, as sincere as a drunk person could look.
“Why don’t you sit down?” you suggested, gesturing to the empty chair. “You, um, might fall over if you don’t.”
“Pfft, I’m not gonna—” He paused mid-sentence, wobbling precariously. Then, as if he’d just made the smartest decision of his life, he plopped down in the chair, sprawling out like he owned the place.
“See? Told ya m'fine,” he said, flashing you a lopsided grin.
You couldn’t help but snort. “Right.”
He looked at you then, really looked at you, his gaze roaming over your face “What’re you doin’ here?” he asked abruptly.
You glanced at your book, then back at him. "Reading?”
“No, I mean… here,” he insisted, gesturing vaguely around the room. “At this shitty party.”
You shrugged, feeling awkward. “My friends dragged me. I didn’t really want to come.”
Rafe’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and for a moment, he looked almost sober. “Yeah, same.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
He smirked, a flash of the cocky, arrogant guy you’d seen in class. “Yeah, well… they’re fucking assholes, but they’re my assholes, y'know?”
You didn’t, but you nodded anyway. “Sure.”
“So, what’s that book about?”
You hesitated. “Um… it’s a fantasy novel.”
“Fantasy, huh?” He tilted his head, eyeing the cover. “Like wizards and dragons n'shit?”
“Sort of,” you admitted. “It’s about a girl who finds out she has magic and goes on a quest to—”
“Save the world?” he finished with a mock-solemn expression.
“...Yeah,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “But it’s more complicated than that.”
“Bet it is,” he murmured, his gaze still fixed on you. “You’re really into that stuff, huh?”
You shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. Why?”
He shrugged, his smirk softening into something that almost looked like genuine interest. “You looked happy, talkin’ about it.”
Your heart did another weird little flip, and you frowned, pushing the feeling down. He was drunk. This didn’t mean anything. He probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning.
But then, his eyes drifted shut, his head lolling back against the chair. Within seconds, he was snoring. You sat there, stunned.
What the hell had just happened?
Three days later, you were sitting in your usual spot in the lecture hall, flipping through your notes. Class was about to start, and the room was filling up with the usual pre-lecture chatter. You were just getting settled when someone slid into the seat beside you.
You glanced up, expecting one of your friends. But it wasn’t.
It was Rafe.
“Hey, friend,” he said casually, like you hadn’t left him passed out at a party a few nights ago.
You stared at him, completely disoriented. “Hi?”
He grinned, leaning back in his chair like this was completely normal. “Didn’t think I’d forget about you, huh?”
Your eyes narrowed. “I… yeah, actually.”
Rafe’s grin widened, and he leaned in closer, “See, that’s where you’re wrong, princess,” he murmured. “I remember everything.”
Did he just give you a nickname?
Your stomach dropped. “What?”
“Yeah.” He crossed his arms, looking entirely too smug. “You, sitting there all cute with your book, talking about magic and shit. Thought I was too drunk to remember, huh?”
“I—” You stared at him, completely off balance. “Why are you here?”
“Because I want to be,” he said simply. “Got a problem with that?”
You blinked, caught off guard. “No?”
“Good.” He flashed you a grin, all cocky charm. “So, you gonna tell me more about that book, or what?”
You gaped at him. “You actually want to hear about it?”
“Why not?” he shot back, raising an eyebrow. “It made you smile.”
And for some reason, that simple statement knocked the breath out of you.
“Okay,” you said, still unsure if this was some kind of elaborate prank.
But Rafe just leaned back in his seat, eyes fixed on you like you were the most fascinating thing in the world.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I think I’ll stick around.”
The next few classes were…weird, to say the least. Ever since Rafe decided you were his new "friend," he’d taken to sitting beside you every lecture, plopping down in the empty seat as if he’d been there all along. It was confusing. Most of the time, he’d breeze in at the last possible minute, sauntering up to your row without so much as a greeting and settling into the chair with that infuriatingly self-assured smirk.
You were already seated, your notebook open and your pen poised to start taking notes when he dropped into the seat beside you with his usual nonchalance. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, casting you a sidelong look as if daring you to acknowledge him first.
“Hi,” you said quietly, eyes flicking back to the front of the room.
“Hey, princess,” he replied, voice low and teasing.
You kept your gaze firmly on your notebook. You’d quickly learned that the best way to deal with him was to pretend his presence didn’t affect you—no matter how much his proximity messed with you.
He’d spent the last three classes nudging your foot under the desk, passing snide comments under his breath, or leaning over just close enough to murmur sarcastic observations about whatever the professor was droning on about. And today was no different.
The lecture started, Professor Callahan launching into her usual detailed overview of sociological theory. You tried to focus, pen flying across your notebook as you jotted down her points.
“Is she always this boring?” he whispered, leaning in slightly so his arm brushed against yours.
You stiffened, eyes fixed on your notes. “If you listened, it wouldn’t be so boring.”
He snorted. “Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna waste my time listening to her go on about… what is it today? Class structure?”
“Yes,” you hissed, refusing to look at him. “And if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to—”
“You’re going to what?” he challenged, his grin audible in his voice.
You snapped your mouth shut, trying to ignore the way his leg brushed against yours under the desk. He was doing it on purpose—nudging your knee every so often, shifting just a little closer until the faint scent of his cologne surrounded you. It was infuriating. And yet, when you glanced sideways at him, he was looking at you with that maddening, lazy grin that made your heart stutter.
“Just pay attention,” you mumbled, cheeks warm.
“Why would I do that when I have such a pretty view right here?”
Your head whipped around, eyes wide. “What?”
But Rafe just smirked, his gaze drifting lazily up and down your face before flicking back to the front of the room as if he hadn’t just made your brain short-circuit.
“Relax, princess. Just messin' with you.”
You swallowed, trying to refocus on the lecture. His attention was like a physical thing—intense and all-consuming. It made you uneasy.
Determined not to give him the satisfaction, you forced yourself to look at the professor, tuning out the heat of Rafe’s gaze. Professor Callahan was in the middle of explaining something about social hierarchies when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence.
“Mr. Cameron.”
The entire class fell silent.
You looked up, eyes widening in surprise as Professor Callahan fixed Rafe with a stern look. “I’m aware that I’m not as pretty as your classmate,” she said dryly, gesturing toward you, “but I would appreciate it if you could pay attention for at least ten minutes.”
A ripple of snickers spread through the room, and your cheeks flamed scarlet. Rafe, however, didn’t even blink, he was completely unruffled and offered the professor a lazy, arrogant smile. “Sorry, Professor. Just got a little distracted.”
Your stomach dropped. He was staring at you, unabashedly.
The professor raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure.” Her tone was dry, unimpressed. “Would you mind keeping your distractions to yourself until after class?”
Another murmur of laughter swept through the room, and you shrank in your seat, mortified. His smirk widened, but he leaned back in his chair, raising his hands in mock surrender.
“Of course, ma’am,” he drawled. “No more distractions.”
Professor Callahan gave him a pointed look, then turned back to the board, resuming her lecture. You sat there, face burning, refusing to look anywhere near Rafe, but you could feel his eyes on you.
“Guess I got you in trouble, huh?” he whispered, leaning closer.
You grit your teeth, still staring resolutely at the front of the room. “Stop talking.”
“Can’t help it,” he murmured, his voice teasing. “You’re way more interesting than this shit.”
“Rafe, I swear—”
“Okay, okay, I’ll behave,” he said lightly, sitting back. But he didn’t take his eyes off you. You could feel him lingering, warm and intent, and you wanted to scream. How was he so calm? So unaffected, like getting called out by the professor was just a minor inconvenience?
You hated every second of it.
“Rafe,” you hissed under your breath, finally daring to glance at him. “Will you just—”
“What?” He leaned in again, eyes bright with mischief. “You want me to go back to ignoring you?”
“Stop staring.”
He hummed thoughtfully. “Can’t promise that, princess.”
Your heart hammered, and you squeezed your pen so tightly it nearly snapped. “Why are you even here?”
He shrugged, his expression turning oddly serious. “I like sitting next to you.”
Rafe Cameron—the arrogant, cocky asshole you’d written off as nothing more than a nuisance—had just chosen to stay by your side.
As soon as class ended, you gathered your things in record time, heart still thumping wildly. The room buzzed with students shuffling out, but you kept your head down, hoping to slip away unnoticed.
Maybe if you were quick enough, you could escape before he decided to make good on his new, annoying habit of sticking to you like glue. But, of course, he was nothing if not persistent.
You’d barely slung your bag over your shoulder when he appeared at your side, his tall frame looming over you as he fell into step like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Heading to lunch?” he asked, all casual charm, as if he hadn’t just spent the entire class making you the center of unwanted attention.
“Yes?” You tried not to sound as thrown as you felt, but the way he looked at you—with that infuriatingly lazy grin—told you he could see right through you.
“Cool. I’m starving.” He said it like it was an invitation, like he was entitled to follow you, and before you could muster up a half-hearted protest, he was already steering you through the crowded hallway.
“Wait, what are you doing?” you demanded, glancing around in panic. People were staring, eyes widening as they took in the sight of Rafe Cameron, of all people, trailing after you. Whispers flitted through the air, curious and disbelieving, and you shrank under the scrutiny, feeling painfully exposed.
“Uh, going to lunch with you?” He made it sound so obvious, his voice lilting with amusement.
“I didn’t invite you!” You glanced at him, trying to tamp down the fluttery, nervous feeling his presence always seemed to stir up. “What if I’m eating with someone else?”
He shrugged. “Then I’ll eat with them too.”
You gawked at him. “What?”
But Rafe just flashed you that cocky, confident grin. “Relax. It’s just lunch.”
Just lunch, he said, like this wasn’t completely absurd.
You narrowed your eyes, debating whether to make a break for it, but he was already steering you toward the main quad, his hand ghosting the small of your back in a way that made your skin tingle.
Your heart hammered as the familiar outdoor seating area came into view. Your friends were already there, sitting at your usual table—a small group of two girls and a guy, all talking animatedly. You hadn’t even sat down yet, and they still managed to look up as one, their expressions morphing from curious to shocked when they caught sight of you—and Rafe—heading straight toward them.
“Uh, hey,” you greeted awkwardly as you approached. They just stared, mouths agape.
Emily was the first to recover. “What the—since when do you two know each other?” she asked, eyes darting between you and Rafe like she was seeing some kind of glitch in the matrix.
“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Max, the guy in your small circle, chimed in, his gaze flicking to Rafe warily. “Is this, like… a project thing?”
“No, it’s not—” you started, but Rafe cut you off with a breezy smile.
“Can’t believe y’all kept her to yourselves this whole time,” he drawled, pulling out the chair beside yours and plopping down like he’d done it a thousand times before. “Thought you’d have the decency to introduce me to the most interesting girl on campus.”
Your friends gaped, eyes wide with shock. You could practically see their brains short-circuiting. Meanwhile, you were fighting the urge to smack him upside the head.
“Please shut up,” you muttered under your breath, cheeks burning.
But he just smirked, his gaze sliding over your stunned friends with lazy amusement. “What?” he said innocently. “It’s true.”
“What the hell is happening right now?” Emily demanded, still staring at you like you’d grown a second head. “You—you and Rafe Cameron?”
You sighed, already regretting every life choice that had led you to this moment. “There is no ‘me and Rafe Cameron.’ He just—he’s being annoying.”
“Annoying?” he repeated, feigning offense. “C’mon. I thought we were past that.”
“We are not past anything,” you snapped, shooting him a glare. But that only seemed to amuse him more.
“Okay, back up,” Max interjected, brow furrowed in confusion. “How do you guys even know each other?”
“Uh, sociology class?” you offered weakly, as if that explained anything. “He’s been sitting next to me.”
“Sitting next to you?” Emily repeated slowly, like she was trying to process a particularly difficult equation. “And now you’re… eating lunch together?”
“It’s not—” You looked helplessly at Rafe, who was watching the exchange with that insufferable smirk. “I didn’t ask him to.”
He looked completely unfazed by the mess he’d caused. “What can I say? I like the company.”
“Since when?” Emily shot back, clearly unconvinced.
Rafe shrugged, “Since she started talking to me.”
Your friends fell silent, eyes wide and suspicious as they turned to you, searching for answers. But you just sat there, feeling utterly, hopelessly lost. What were you supposed to say? That Rafe Cameron had decided, out of nowhere, to insert himself into your life? That he was following you to lunch like this was some sort of normal occurrence?
“Look,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “It’s really not a big deal. He’s just—”
“Rafe Cameron is never ‘just’ anything,” Emily interrupted, folding her arms as she fixed Rafe with a suspicious look. “So what are you up to?"
“Nothing,” Rafe said easily, his smile all sharp edges. “Like I said, I’m just getting to know her.”
“Getting to know her,” Max echoed, clearly skeptical.
“Yeah.” Rafe’s eyes never left yours, his eyes gleaming with something that made your pulse flutter. “What’s so weird about that?”
Your friends exchanged looks. You didn’t blame them. This was weird. More than weird. You’d never been the kind of girl to attract attention—especially not from someone like Rafe. Popular, arrogant, and completely out of your league in every possible way. And yet, here he was, acting like sitting with you at lunch was the most natural thing in the world.
“So,” He said suddenly, turning his attention back to the group, “Are you gonna sit here gaping all day, or are we gonna eat?”
Emily blinked, snapping out of her daze. “Uh, yeah, we’re… we’re eating.”
“Good.” Rafe turned to you, eyebrow raised. “You eating, princess?”
You stared at him, “I—yes?”
“Cool. Want me to grab you something?”
You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re offering to get me lunch?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I am. Now, what do you want?”
“I—” You swallowed, glancing at your friends, who were watching the exchange like it was some sort of bizarre performance. “Um, a sandwich?”
“Got it.” Rafe pushed to his feet, his smile smug. “Be right back.”
And then, to your utter disbelief, he sauntered off toward the food line, leaving you and your friends staring after him.
“What,” Max said slowly, “the hell just happened?”
You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I have no idea.”
The awkward lunch with Rafe didn’t end as badly as you expected.
Your friends had spent the entire time shooting you confused, bewildered looks, while he seemed to thrive under their scrutiny, lounging beside you like he belonged. He didn’t flirt—thank God—but he didn’t exactly tone down his usual cocky self either. By the end of it, he’d somehow managed to charm your friends just enough to leave them confused rather than outright hostile. Still, after that lunch, you’d expected him to lose interest, to move on to his usual crowd and forget all about his bizarre little experiment. But of course, he wasn’t known for playing by the rules.
You learned that the hard way two days later.
It was late afternoon, and you were holed up in the campus library, buried under a mountain of textbooks and notes for an upcoming exam. The library was your sanctuary—quiet, calm, and blissfully free of distractions. At least, until Rafe sauntered in. You didn’t notice him at first, too absorbed in your notes. The library was busy, students murmuring as they worked, the rustle of pages and the faint clack of keyboards filling the air. You were hunched over a particularly dense passage in your sociology textbook when you felt it—
You stiffened, glancing up cautiously, and there he was.
He leaned against the bookshelf a few feet away, his eyes fixed on you with a lazy, assessing look. He didn’t move, just watched you, his lips quirking in that infuriating smirk when your eyes met.
“What are you doing here?” you hissed, glancing around nervously. No one seemed to be paying attention, but you still felt like the entire room was suddenly staring.
“Studying,” he said, straight-faced.
“Since when do you study in the library?”
“Since now,” he said easily, pushing off the bookshelf and strolling over to your table. He pulled out the chair across from you, dropping into it like he had every right to be there. “What? Can’t a guy broaden his horizons?”
You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re joking.”
“Not today, princess.” He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand as he peered at your open book. “So, what’re we learning?”
“We are not learning anything,” you muttered, eyes narrowing. “I’m studying. You are… I don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Keeping you company,” he said simply. “You looked lonely.”
Your mouth fell open. “Lonely?”
“Yeah.” He tilted his head, his gaze sweeping over your face. “All holed up in here with your books. Thought I’d help.”
What was he even talking about? This was insane. He didn’t just hang out in the library, especially not to “keep someone company.” He was the kind of guy who spent his free time at parties, or on the field, or wherever people like him thrived. And yet, here he was, sitting across from you in the library like this was normal.
“Rafe,” you said slowly, “you don’t even know what I’m studying.”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It does if you’re trying to help,” you shot back, frustration seeping into your voice. “You’re—what are you even—”
“Okay, okay,” he interrupted, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Calm down. Just trying to see what’s got you all riled up.”
You bit back a groan, rubbing your temples. This was absurd. You didn’t need—didn’t want—his attention.
“Fine,” you muttered, turning your textbook around so he could see the page. “I’m going over Durkheim’s theory of social integration.”
Rafe leaned in, squinting at the page. “Durkheim, huh?”
“Yes,” you said, a little impatiently. “He believed that society functions through a collective conscience—shared beliefs and values that bind people together.”
“Sounds boring as hell,” Rafe said bluntly.
“It’s not boring,” you retorted before you could stop yourself. “It’s actually really interesting—he argued that a lack of social integration could lead to anomie, a state of normlessness that causes people to feel disconnected and isolated.”
Rafe stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. At least it felt that way to you.
“What?” you demanded, suddenly self-conscious. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
He shrugged, a strange, thoughtful smile tugging at his lips. “Just… you get really into this stuff, don’t you?”
Your cheeks flushed. “It’s sociology. It’s important.”
“Yeah, but…” He shook his head, “It’s kinda cute.”
You blinked, your brain short-circuiting. “Cute?”
“Yeah.” He leaned back, crossing his arms as he regarded you with a casual, easy confidence that made your heart flutter. “You get all intense when you talk about it. Like, you actually care.”
“I—I do care,” you stammered, “It’s my major.”
“I know,” he murmured. “I like that about you.”
What—what was that supposed to mean? Why was he looking at you like that, like he actually meant it?
Before you could even begin to untangle your thoughts, a shadow fell over the table, and you glanced up to see another student standing there—a tall, lanky guy with dark hair and glasses. He looked vaguely familiar, probably from one of your classes.
“Uh, hey,” the guy said awkwardly, glancing between you and Rafe. “Are—are you using this seat?”
Rafe’s expression changed instantly, “Yeah,” he said flatly. “We are.”
The guy blinked, taken aback. “Oh, uh, sorry, I just—”
“You just can find another table,” Rafe cut in, “We’re a little busy here.��
You gaped at him, mortified. “Rafe, stop.”
But he didn’t even glance at you. He just kept staring down the poor guy, his posture tense and unyielding until, with a muttered apology, the student backed off, scurrying away like he’d just had a close encounter with a predator.
“What the hell was that?” you hissed as soon as the guy was out of earshot. “He just wanted to sit down!”
“Yeah, and we’re studying,” Rafe said dismissively. “No room for distractions.”
“We’re not studying anything!” you shot back, resisting the urge to smack him. “You’re just sitting here, being—being weird.”
“Not weird,” he corrected, leaning in again. “Protective.”
You froze, your mouth going dry. “Protective?”
“Yeah.” His eyes were dark, intense, locking onto yours. “Can’t have just anyone bothering you, can I?”
After the bizarre encounter in the library, you were convinced Rafe would drop this whole… whatever it was. Surely, following you to lunch and then “protecting” you in the library was enough.
So when you found yourself at another party two nights later—dragged along by Emily despite your vehement protests—you knew it was only a matter of time before he found you. Because somehow, no matter where you went, Rafe had made it his mission to seek you out.
“Come on, you need to have some fun,” Emily had insisted, half-pulling, half-dragging you through the front door of one of the fraternity houses on campus. The music was already blaring, the heavy bass vibrating through your body. People were packed in the main room, laughing, talking, drinking, the buzz of chatter filling the air.
“This isn’t my idea of fun,” you muttered, hugging your arms around yourself as you tried to avoid brushing against the partygoers. It wasn’t that you disliked parties, exactly—it was just that the noise, the sheer volume of people could get overwhelming quickly.
“Just stay for an hour,” Emily pleaded. “Please? I swear it’ll be more fun than you think. We can dance, have a few drinks—”
“I don’t dance,” you cut in flatly, giving her a pointed look.
“Okay, fine, I’ll dance, and you… can hang out and people-watch,” she amended, undeterred. “Besides, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone.”
You gave her a withering stare. “Yeah, because I’m such a social butterfly.”
You sighed, resigned to your fate, and began making your way through the press of bodies. After a few minutes you managed to find a relatively quiet corner in the back, near the stairs, and gratefully leaned against the wall. Maybe if you stayed out of sight long enough, Emily would give up on trying to get you to socialize and let you leave early. It was a long shot, but you could hope.
You hadn’t been there long when you felt it—the now-familiar prickling sensation of someone’s gaze lingering on you. Sure enough, when you glanced up, there he was.
Rafe, in all his infuriating glory, leaning against the wall a few feet away, his eyes locked on you with that lazy focus that made your heart stutter. He looked unfairly good, dressed in a dark button-up that clung to his frame in all the right ways, his hair tousled just enough to look effortlessly cool. And, as usual, he was watching you like you were the only person in the room.
You narrowed your eyes at him, your stomach twisting in irritation and something else. “Are you stalking me now?” you demanded, crossing your arms as you glared at him.
Rafe’s lips curved into a slow, teasing smile. “Would it be so bad if I was?”
“Yes,” you said flatly. “It would be very bad.”
He chuckled, the sound low, sending an unwelcome shiver down your spine. “Relax, princess. I just saw you standing here all alone and thought I’d come say hi.”
“Hi,” you muttered, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now you can leave.”
But he didn’t budge. Instead, he straightened, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between you in a few long strides until he was standing directly in front of you, his presence overwhelming.
You tried to step back, but the wall blocked your escape.
“Actually, I was thinking we could, I don’t know, hang out for a bit?” he suggested, tilting his head as he regarded you with a faux-innocent smile.
“Why?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.
Rafe blinked, seemingly taken aback by the question. “Why?”
“Yes,” you insisted, frustration bubbling up inside you. “Why do you keep… doing this? Showing up, sitting with me, following me to lunch, acting like—like we’re friends or something. What is your deal, Cameron?”
Slowly he reached up, bracing one hand on the wall beside your head, leaning in so close you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.
“My deal,” he murmured, his voice low and smooth, “is that I like you.”
No. No, no, no.
That couldn’t be right. People didn't just like you. They tolerated you, maybe, or found you useful sometimes, but they didn't like you. Not like that. Not in the way he was implying. You felt panic rising in your chest, like a wave that was too big to stop. You couldn’t stop it.
“You’re lying,” you said shakily, shaking your head in disbelief. “You’re just—this is some kind of game, isn’t it? Some—some bet, or—”
Rafe’s expression tightened, his jaw clenching. “It’s not a game,” he ground out, his eyes flashing. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
You swallowed hard, your chest aching. No, this couldn’t be happening. This didn’t make sense.
“I don’t believe you,” you shook your head stubbornly.
His eyes narrowed, “No?”
“No,” you repeated, crossing your arms defiantly. “You’re just… you. You can’t just decide you like me out of nowhere.”
“I didn’t decide,” he murmured, “It just happened.”
Your breath hitched, your heart racing. Why was he doing this to you? Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?
“I—” You broke off, struggling to find words, but before you could answer, a loud voice interrupted.
“Yo, Rafe! There you are, man!”
You both jerked back, startled, and you glanced over to see one of Rafe’s friends—Topper, if you remembered correctly—stumbling over, a wide grin plastered across his face.
“What are you doing back here?” Topper slurred, his gaze sliding to you. He blinked, “Who’s this?”
Rafe stepped in front of you slightly, his posture tense and protective. “Doesn’t matter,” he said curtly, “Go find someone else to bother.”
Topper blinked, taken aback. “Whoa, man, chill. I was just—”
“Go,” Rafe repeated, his tone brooking no argument.
Topper stared at him for a long moment, then slowly backed off, muttering under his breath as he disappeared into the crowd. As soon as he was gone, Rafe turned back to you, his eyes softening again.
“Sorry about that,” he murmured, “Didn’t mean to—”
“Why did you do that?” you cut in, your heart still pounding.
Rafe frowned. “Do what?”
“Get rid of him,” you said, shaking your head in confusion. “He was your friend. Why would you—”
Maybe you’d misread him. Maybe he didn’t actually mean any of what he said. He was probably just bored, looking for some amusement—another toy to play with for a little while.
“I wanted to talk to you. Not him.”
You blinked, bewildered. “But he’s your friend.”
He gave a half-hearted shrug. “So? Doesn’t mean I want him interrupting us.”
Us. Like there was an “us.” Like there could ever be an “us.”
You shook your head, trying to clear the fog of confusion. “But I don’t understand,” you mumbled. “I don’t get it. You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” he said quietly, his eyes holding yours in a way that made it hard to breathe. “More than you think.”
You frowned. It was impossible to shake the nagging feeling that he was just… playing with you. That this was all some sick joke and at any moment, the punchline would hit, and you’d be the idiot.
“You’re just messing with me,” you muttered, taking a small step back to put some space between you. “You’re bored or something.”
“I’m not bored,” he said firmly, stepping forward to close the gap you’d just created. “I told you, I wouldn’t do that.”
“I didn’t ask for any of this. You’ve been following me around, showing up where I am, saying all these things like—like we’re something, but we’re not.”
Rafe stepped closer, his eyes narrowing as he looked at you, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What are you talking about? You really think I’m just messing around?”
“Yes!” you practically shouted, throwing your hands up. “Yes, I do! Why else would you be doing this? You’re Rafe Cameron, for god’s sake. You don’t even like me. This is just some twisted game to you, isn’t it?”
You stared at him, trying to read his face, trying to find any hint of dishonesty, any sign that this was all an act. But all you saw was that same intensity, that same focus, like you were the only person who mattered.
Your chest tightened, panic grazing at you. This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. People didn’t just… like you. They didn’t seek you out at parties or show up in libraries to talk about sociology. Guys like Rafe didn’t choose people like you. There had to be some ulterior motive.
“You show up out of nowhere, act like I’m some project, some… someone who needs your protection—why, Rafe? Because I don’t fit into your world? Because I’m some joke to you and your friends?”
“That’s not it,” He growled, his voice defensive. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know what I’m talking about?” you scoffed, shaking your head. “You haven’t been honest about anything. You haven’t given me a reason to believe any of this.”
“You think I’m lying?
You moved your head again, harder this time. “That doesn’t make sense. You’re—you’re saying things that don’t make sense. I don’t understand.”
He took a slow, poising breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "What doesn't make sense to you?"
"All of this," you replied, your voice quivering with frustration, "You, acting like you—like you actually care. Like you see me. People don’t just do that, not for someone like me. I don’t—" You cut yourself off, not sure how to finish the sentence, your thoughts spiraling.
It wasn’t just that you couldn’t believe him; it was that you didn’t know how to believe him. Your experiences had taught you to be wary, to always look for the catch, because there always was one.
Always.
Rafe's brows drawn together in something that almost looked like concern. "Someone like you?" he repeated, "What does that even mean?"
You swallowed, feeling your insecurities gripping down on your chest. "It means I’m not… like you. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t get things right all the time. People don’t notice me, and when they do, it’s usually because I’ve done something wrong, or because they want something from me. That’s just how it is."
He shook his head slowly. "That’s not how I see you."
You opened your mouth to argue, to say something—anything—to dismiss what he was saying, to protect yourself from the disappointment that was sure to come. But Rafe didn’t give you the chance.
"You think I’m messing with you because you’re not like everyone else? Is that it? You think I’m playing some kind of game because you don’t fit into some stupid idea of who’s supposed to matter?"
You wanted to pull away, to recoil into the safety of your doubts, but something in his voice, in the way he was looking at you, made you stop.
"I’m not going to pretend like I know everything about you," Rafe continued, no less serious. "But I know enough to know that I’m not bored. I don’t care if you don’t fit in with my world, or whatever you think that means. I like that you’re passionate about the things you care about. I like that you don’t put up with anyone’s shit—not even mine." A small, almost self-deprecating smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I’ve spent enough time around fake people to know the difference."
You weren’t used to this—this kind of sincerity. It felt too real. And part of you still wanted to push it away, to reject it before it had a chance to hurt you. But another part of you—a much smaller, quieter part—was whispering that maybe he meant it.
"Why me?"
"Because you're you," he said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
For a long, breathless moment, the two of you just stood there, the noise of the party fading into the background. Your mind was still processing everything, but there was something in the way he was looking at you, something that made you feel—just for a second—like maybe you could trust this.
You shook your head, "I’m not… I’m not good at this," you admitted, your voice uncertain. "At understanding what people mean, or knowing if they’re being serious or not. I don’t know how to read you."
Rafe’s eyes softened even more at your confession, and he took a deep breath, like he was trying to figure out how to make you believe him. "I get that," he said quietly. "And I’m not always great at this either. But I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not about this."
You wanted to believe him. More than anything, you wanted to believe him. But there was still that tiny voice of doubt in the back of your mind, reminding you of all the times you’d been wrong before, of all the times you’d trusted someone only to be let down.
You hesitated, your throat tight. "I don’t know if I can."
He didn’t push, didn’t demand anything from you. Instead, he just nodded slowly.
"That’s okay. You don’t have to believe me right now. But I’ll be here when you’re ready."
And with that, he stepped back, giving you the space you so desperately needed. He didn’t try to force anything, didn’t press for more. Instead, he just gave you a small, almost hopeful smile and turned, disappearing back into the crowd.
And as you stood there, your heart still pummeling into your ribs, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d been wrong about him after all.
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Rabbit
Rabbit I'm begging you to do stalker headcanons with Mh or EMH guys (you don't gotta ofc! But w o ah)
🐟
AAAA IM SO HAPPY U LIKED THEM !!!! I WAS RLLY HAPPY W HOW THE TOBY ONES CAME OUT :)))) also,,,, watch me hit u w ALL the guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (nsfw can come later if u wish fishy, i skipped it cus this is alr a super long post BFJSJFNJS) (also i got to use my rainbow dividers i have saved up cus there's so many ppl YAYYYYYYY)
[📹⛓️💥🚬👁️☠️🐇]
Stalker!Brian Thomas / Hoodie / Tim Wright / Masky / Evan Myers / HABIT x gn!reader headcanons :)

Brian ;
ok we know Brian likes to record
so expect there to be at least one camera on you a majority of the time
sometimes he'll leave it in a tree or placed just right behind a fence post, zoomed in on your bedroom window so he can document you and your routine even when he's busy
he's so thoughtful 😸😸😸
definitely the type to perfectly curate a "meet-cute" for the both of you, writing down the coffee place you stop off at on mondays for a pick-me-up, the stores you go to that have your favorite brand of something, he calculates his every action with you long before it's happened.
he knows what he's doing is wrong, but unlike Toby, he's not exactly ashamed of it. if anything he likes the added excitement that you could still find him out
this is one of the times him and Hoodie kind of blur together a little bit, both in morals and actions
Brian is fully willing to do whatever it takes to keep eyes on you and to keep you under his thumb and his alone; it doesn't matter who gets in his way
Hoodie ;
also a big fan of recording, but tends to get much more risky with it
likes the feeling that you might catch a little camera that's nestled in between some trinkets and books or a pile of blankets you keep on your couch
he is a creepy creeper . he wants to watch EVERYTHING
gets his feelings hurt when you close your curtains cus you feel eyes on you (you're right, but still :(()
it takes a lot to deter him from doing everything in his power to keep watch over you
he's not even sure of his own motives, really. sure, he wants to keep you safe and make sure no one else is watching you, but most of the time he's just there to watch.
you're like a doll to him, something to entertain him.
Masky ;
this isn't even part of this i just wanna say the vibe for stalker Masky (and just him in general tbh) for me feels a lot like the intro to My Meds Aren't Working by Dystopia . very slow, calculating, stuck in your own head but still zeroed in on one thing
and it's you ofc !!!!
i think Masky is one of the more scarier guys to have stalking you on this lineup honestly. hot? yes absolutely. terrifying to see constantly out of the corner of your eye, sitting at the bus stop outside your job, standing in the parking lot of the gas station by your apartment complex and staring up into your window? YES VERY
he's haunting. he doesn't go up to you, will go completely brick wall at you if you try to come up to him, and you can never tell what emotion is going on behind his eyes. the few times you've walked closer to him, likely on the street in the earlier stages, he looked hungry. like he was waiting and watching for your guard to be down to do something.
if he knows you'll be out, he'll get into your house to steal some of your clothes- likely your underwear (creepy crawler) and a sleep shirt
you will never see him without the mask on. point blank. not to smoke, eat, anything. he is not human or himself when he's around you; he needs to absorb everything about you.
i don't think of him to be the type to film you, would rather be there in person 24/7. it feels more personal to him.
Tim ;
one of the few guys that feels guilt about what he's doing- he knows how scary it is to feel watched all the time. how awful it is to find out you were right.
he’s embarrassed of himself; he’s prided himself on being stoic and independent for so long that this sudden urge to love you and watch you and know you gives him waves of shame
watches from afar, would definitely try and avoid letting himself get too close to you in person. he’s ashamed of it, but he can’t help himself- he needs you, even if at a distance.
steals clothes you’ve slept in so he can try and satiate his yearning to be close to you without actually needing to be so vulnerable, with you or anyone
his near dependency on you reminds me of It Will Come Back by Hozier, his obsession is fed by breadcrumbs from the few in-person up close encounters he’s had with you. smiles when he comes into where you work, nervous little waves when you catch him looking at you at the store, soft 'excuse me!'s when you pass by him
you drive him up a wall (lovingly)
Evan ;
Evan feels guilty, but for the ‘wrong’ reasons
i say ‘wrong’ because he’s more concerned with you inevitable introduction to the whole Habit mess, not with the morals of stalking and obsessing over you
despite his guilt, he can’t get enough of you. his persistence rivals Brian's; it’s almost immediate that he tries to get you with him
latches onto you for fear of you leaving- honestly less of a stalker and more on the obsessive side. not good at keeping his hands to himself.
you might be one of the only cases where he tries to bargain and/or work with Habit, in an attempt to keep you safe or keep you near him out of desperation if you're not listening to him when he tries to convince you to stay with him essentially 25/8
touchy obsessive little critter . give him what he wants before he goes sicko mode (being 10 feet away from you at all times)
Habit ;
does not hide himself AT ALL
will actively be letting you know he's watching
seeing him behind you in mirrors, rabbit motifs everywhere, a random blood splatter in plain sight that no one else seems to see.
he watches, he knows, and he learns
what things make you the most paranoid, all the ways he can slowly introduce himself in a more. friendly light to get you to trust him. to love him.
he's what's best for you, whether you like it or not. it just might take some time for you to get there
ironically for him, think 'The Best Is Yet To Come' by Frank Sinatra. it's just a matter of time before things get so much better. for the both of you, of course!
#guys can you tell i love me some creepy crawler masky#🐟#brian thomas x reader#hoodie x reader#tim wright x reader#masky x reader#evan myers x reader#habit emh x reader#emh habit x reader#marble hornets x reader#everymanhybrid x reader#rabbit writings
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THE LETHAL FACE CARD…?????
Anyway I think ppl liked the last one so I have some Shoto x female reader headcanons for u :D
The slightly nsfw ones are aged up headcanons so minors DNI !!!
SWEET/CUTE
- Gives the best comfort hugs. He’s warm on his left side as well so it just adds to it. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, he’s there.
- Loves giving you forehead kisses and pecks that go up from your collarbone to your jawline. He’d leave sweet marks on your neck sometimes. But he’d do it affectionately, you know?
- Isn’t good at cooking but if you’re ever on your period and you’re craving something, he’s go out and get it for you. (Might threaten Katsuki or Sato into making it but that’s a last resort) He would also reassure you constantly that he doesn’t mind and understands that periods are completely normal. He also uses his left hand as a heating pad for your belly if you ever get cramps <3
- He’s very accommodating. He’ll sleep on whichever side of the bed that you like, watch whatever shows or movies you want with you, play any video game you choose and read every single book recommendation you give him. He’ll adjust to whatever you prefer and doesn’t mind letting you choose most of the time.
- Not very affectionate through words. It actually takes him a really long time to say “I love you.” But it’s so obvious that he loves you just from everything he does for you. His love languages are acts or service and giving gifts !! He has your favorite things memorized.
- Very laid back and chill so he doesn’t get jealous most of the time. But he draws the line if someone touches you.
- He actually gives you a lot of attitude (that’s just who he is) but knows when to stop. If you have a bad day you won’t hear a single teasing word from him until you’re feeling better.
- Talking about bad days, he always makes them better. You could be exhausted and stressed out after a long day and Shoto would get you one of your favorite snacks and watch whatever show you want with you to make you feel better. Or he’d just hold you until you fall asleep.
- During winter, you sleep on his left and during summer you sleep on his right.
- Loves to see you in his clothes because they look so huge on you and he finds it adorable.
ANGSTY/SAD
- Sometimes he has days where a trauma response will take over and he wouldn’t like it when people touch him. It lasts a few days and only happens when he gets stressed out or his PTSD reacts badly to something. But even if he doesn’t want to be touched, your presence comforts him more than anything.
- When he has nightmares, he’ll wrap his arms around you from behind and stay awake for the rest of the night. You’re the only thing that keeps him grounded during that time.
- Whenever you both argue, he’s terrified that he’ll do something. Even though he would never do anything like his father did. He’s scared that he’ll end up that way and ends up avoiding you sometimes because of that thought. But some communication and a few hugs can always solve the issue <3
SLIGHTLY NSFW (Aged up Shoto and I’m keeping it short because idk how to write stuff like this.)
- Covers you in hickeys. Absolutely loves seeing you marked up after a long night.
- Clever with his fingers.
- Very few words are spoken, but he gets things done for sure.
- The best aftercare in the world.
- Doesn’t have the highest drive, but it goes up when he starts. (Ifykwim)
- Will make sure to absolutely wreck you every single time <33
THAT WAS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE I NEED TO IMPROVE AT THIS 😭😭😭
Anyways hope u liked -3-
#bnha shoto todoroki#shoto todoroki#bnha#mha#my hero academia#simping#anime#shoto todoroki headcanons#todoroki shoto angst#mha headcanons#headcanons#anime headcanons#shoto todoroki x reader
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Leona & ADD
I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!
Anyway, Leona and ADD.
I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).
He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.
Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.
I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.
I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.
She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.
Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers
book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.
"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.
"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.
Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...
Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...
TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.
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My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)
Book Crowley:
- absolute disaster
- lonely boy
- grumpiest
- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet
- a bit dumb sometimes ngl
- very tired
- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE
- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon
- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG
- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)
Radio Crowley:
- flirty
- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"
- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7
- 0 patience this man is a BOMB
- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE
- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent
- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG
- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED
- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)
- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues
- not called dear yet poor soul </3
TV Crowley:
- SILLY
- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭
- red hair
- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS
- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event
- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk
- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE
- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE
- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him
- the most brave tho
- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss
- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time
- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible
- got called dear but at what cost??????????????
Book Aziraphale:
- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead
- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach
- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch
- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore
- he's very nerdy
- he's the calmest of them all
- really chill
- everyone is so mean to him for no reason
- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes
- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven
- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve
- he called Crowley dear once and then implode
Radio Aziraphale:
- full of himself
- bastard
- the most closed and oblivious of them all
- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)
- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent
- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)
- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public
- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side
- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit
- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone
- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door
- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves
- overall he is polite
- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that
- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around
- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode
TV Aziraphale:
- bitchiest
- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale
- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY
- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together
- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time
- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing
- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad
- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all
- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale
- he's the only one with almost white hair
- he got kissed but at what cost
- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb
- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3
- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is
- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"
- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way
#good omens#good omens 2#aziracrow#crowley#Aziraphale#radio omens#good omens radio#good omens book#thats my opinion#more like some thoughts i have been collecting since im hearing radio omens#not really accurate#does this count as character study????#lol I think not#maybe i have a preference for radio Aziraphale i wrote so much more about him and ended up erasing it all bc it made me look insane#shit its 2 am I'm so sleepy
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How do the gods feel about Percy being an 'It Girl'? Idk, every time I think of her, i just imagine all the popular girls from high school 😭
omg i gotta talk about this in detail forgive me 😂😂
you know those tiktok stories ppl post about their glow ups? like they'd show pics of them when they were kids or in middle school, to how they look now in high school/collage/working adult????
THAT'S PERCY!!!!!
percy canonically was seen as a loser in the earlier books. she was constantly shuffled around boarding schools, which are EXPENSIVE btw, and in my fic the explanation for that is that these schools willingly took percy in with free tuition/lowered tuition because of how HORRIBLE her record is, and they wanted to take her in in hopes they could "improve" her and make their school look better cuz "hey we took this criminal poor child in and we made her a stellar student! we're so much better than the other schools, so give us donations and send ur kids to us because we actually work!" and that obviously just... never happened lol 💀
BUT ANYWAY, those schools are expensive and usually filled with wealthy kids from wealthy families, and they can CLEARLY tell percy isn't one of them. maybe because she's always wearing the same shoes, or she can't afford to get another uniform so she's always got the same crummy one with rips or stains they couldn't get out or "hey i saw percy and her mom walking to the laundromat, they're so poor they don't even have their own washing and drying machine haha!", or "guys i saw percy working at the macy's parade! hahaha, she's so poor she's gotta work during summer break!", etc.
like EVERYONE always knew her as that kid with no money and no dad who's always committing crimes ("hey isn't that jackson girl a terrorist?!"), she's a loser with barely any friends, and the friends she DOES make are losers too (grover and tyson were always looked down on, and in my fic she attends the di angelo's school, and they were looked down on too).
so imagine seeing that kid grow up into her teens and then get hit with the biggest glow up you've ever seen (cuz her face claim's adriana lima) 😂😂😂😂 i think her life started getting better around the time she she started attending goode high (a regular high school, not for elites like her previous school, so no one there knows her aside from her "crimes" on tv). and it's not just the glow up too, she's also a little more outgoing and confident in herself, more comfortable in her skin, etc. she's got a glow up inside AND outside. like imagine strolling around ur school and a girl who looks like a victoria's secret super model just walks by and she NOTICES you and just waves and says "oh hi! 👋😄"
percy has always been seen as a poor loser, but then high school happened and BAM she's now suddenly the most popular girl in school 🥺 she probably has a lot of mortal friends too. so not only is she popular in the demigod/godly world, but also popular in the mortal world (her high school, i mean lol). she's on the swim team, she's the ✨it girl✨ she probably got a ton of juniors or seniors trying to ask her out to prom/homecoming and shit despite being a freshman/sophomore 😂 and because she's got so many friends from school, she most DEFINITELY spent a lot of her free time hanging out with them, like just shopping in new york, going to skate parks, walking around the city, etc. (and with her demigod friends too ofc if they're in new york at the time). her insta, tiktok, and twitter's probably FULL of pics/vids of her just hanging out and being social 😂 she's the girl that's everywhere but home, always out and doing shit 😭
okay okay, i rambled too much im sorry, i just really love talking about percy being an ✨it girl✨ everywhere she goes
but anyways... the yanderes...... WOULD FUCKING HATE IT 😂
poseidon and beelzebub are the biggest introverts EVER. the thought of going out and touching grass would actually give them psychic damage 😂
poseidon's so lucky he was never in sally's position because he wouldn't be able to handle it. his daughter is everywhere BUT HOME 😭😭😭 like pls go home already child, stop hanging out with people, what do you mean you're at a SLEEPOVER RIGHT NOW? NO, COME HOME. do you even know the ppl you're talking to? YOU JUST MET THEM???? DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS, IDC IF THEY'RE COMPLIMENTING UR OUTFIT 😭😭😭 poor percy, in ror verse her life of excitement's gone, no going around hanging out with friends and doing random shit, she's got an overbearing dad now 😭
beelzebub's screaming, crying, throwing up, dramatically sliding his back down the door and everything 😭 going to midgard with percy was already hard enough for him, he literally had to handcuff her because she just WOULDN'T. STAY. STILL. and everyone kept staring at her and everything (remember when he read the mind of that one taxi cab driver and he lost his shit 😂). percy ALWAYS wants to go outside and he can't fucking take that shit, but he loves her so he takes her out anyway and it kills him every time 😭😭 BECAUSE EVERYONE ALWAYS WANTS TO TALK TO HER, AND SHE NEVER DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT like sweetie..... stranger danger 😭
hades would be crying internally like "pls.... stay home.... just stay home pls 😭". he's glad his niece is so well-liked, she deserves to be adored by everyone!!! but maybe... maybe this is just a lil too much popularity... 😭 he'd burst into tears from the sight of her social media accounts alone, she's always out and about and rarely home, always with different ppl. it's so shocking to him cuz he's more comfortable hanging out with ppl he's close to like family and stuff, what do you mean percy's got different friend groups and she's always hanging out with them, what do you mean she's in hundreds of group chats in various texting apps, what do you mean seniors were asking her out to dances, STAY AWAY *HISSSSSS*
APOLLO WOULD BE SO HYPOCRITICAL 😂 he is ALSO a very popular god who's very extroverted and outgoing but holy shit would he meet his match in percy and he starts to see the downsides to such popularity 😂 he's soooooo glad that all of percy's old friends are universes away, but if that starts happening again in THIS universe he'd be on his hands and knees begging her to stay home and stop hanging out with ppl 😭 he now understands why poseidon kept her in the palace, cuz once she's out, she's going EVERYWHERE and meeting EVERYONE and nothing's gonna send her back home unless they drag her 😂
anubis is extroverted af so he definitely understands!!!!!!! jk. he'd be fine with it for the first few 24 hours, then everyone starts to become a threat to him because they keep stealing percy's attention. he'd be like "can't you stay home 🥺 pretty please 🥺🥺🥺 kebechet and i miss you so much 🥺🥺🥺 ur rarely home nowadays 🥺🥺🥺" and he and kebi would work together to guilt her into spending more time with them, and it would work 💀💀💀
loki would make the fatal mistake of taking her around valhalla and meeting other gods and shit, and then immediately regret it once he realizes that he's got a super sociable ✨it girl✨ in his hands who easily befriends everyone she meets 💀 he'd probably try to horde her in the palace, but that doesn't work cuz now she's helping servants out with the cooking and cleaning, having tea parties with odin, petting huginn and muninn, doing thor's hair, hanging out with the valkyries, etc. into the basement she goes, i guess! 😭😭😭
cú chulainn 1000% also understands what it's like to be popular. i'm pretty sure all of ireland knew him; ladies loved the dude and men feared and hated his ass cuz he either killed someone they cared about or fucked their wives and daughters 💀 so yes he definitely understands, but karma strikes him and it strikes him BADLY because percy is absolutely gonna be 100000000% more popular than him. like, he takes her out and looks away from her for ONE SECOND, and she's suddenly got 61341 friends already, half of which are probably in love with her or some shit 😭 hell, she'd probably unknowingly steal the hearts of the girls who crushed on him and all those dudes who hated his ass? yeah now they forgot about him cuz "wow who's the pretty girl next to him?? 😳😳" he'd be so stressed fr, he can't take her ANYWHERE cuz they all WANT HER. deserved karma if you ask me 💀
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hi
i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.
basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.
thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.
lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.
#nondualism#consciousness#advaita vedanta#awareness#advaita#non duality#law of assumption#manifestation#manifesting#neville goddard
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— minerva mcgonagall moodboard + headcanons









— summary bc minerva ROCKS i love her (also outing myself as a mcgonagall x pomfrey shipper LMFAOOO) — a/n i said i was jus gonna do hcs 🫣 but i couldn't help but do a moodboard — taglist @picklerab23 @lovelorngirl @that-random-poseidon-child @nuncscioquidsitamor-13 (sorry if any of you didn't want to be tagged, i just tagged ppl who seemed interested 😓)
HEADCANONS UNDER CUT
ᥫ᭡. her father fought in ww2, and both she and her mother took care of him when he was back, as he struggled with ptsd
ᥫ᭡. she loved growing up in a muggle village, partly bc she felt special and smart, but also bc it made her have a closer relationship with her father
ᥫ᭡. when she got to hogwarts, the sorting hat took a long time to put her in a house, before she swore at it in her head and it screeched “GRYFFINDOR”
ᥫ᭡. sidenote: minnie def uses muggle swear words ik my girl is not saying "merlin's saggy ballsack" at every inconvenience
ᥫ᭡. she became popular pretty quickly, but she only had one real friend — poppy pomfrey
ᥫ᭡. they went EVERYWHERE together
ᥫ᭡. they were the big sisters of gryffindor house, even of hogwarts in general
ᥫ᭡. minnie got top grades in all her classes, so the only thing that offered a challenge to her was quidditch
ᥫ᭡. she'd read about in some books, but she had never played it before, so she tried out her second year, but failed to get in
ᥫ᭡. but over the summer she practiced, and got in her third year
ᥫ᭡. a lot of people were cruel to her, since she was a girl, which kept getting in her head and worsened her performance
ᥫ᭡. on one match, the bullying got so bad she didn't show her face the whole rest of weekend — even though they ended up winning
ᥫ᭡. poppy found out why and she hexed the bullies, giving them really bad nosebleeds
ᥫ᭡. minnie got back to playing quidditch, and was better than ever
ᥫ᭡. sidenote: everytime minnie got hurt in a match, she'd get taken care of by poppy (who volunteered at the hospital wing) and asjsksja so hurt comfort 😭 i love them
ᥫ᭡. in her fourth year, she dated a fellow chaser for a few months, but she was never really invested
ᥫ᭡. meanwhile, she couldn't help but feel a little jealous when poppy got in a relationship herself
ᥫ᭡. she broke up with her boyfriend on a hogsmeade weekend and he got mad and tried to hit her but she hexed him and left him rolling around in the snow in pain
ᥫ᭡. (because of this, she got called to the headmaster's office, and was put in detention, tho she negotiated it to only be once rather than a whole week)
ᥫ᭡. because of her experience taking care of her father, she was one of the most compassionate students, and eventually teachers, towards the younger ones who struggled with mental health
ᥫ᭡. she and poppy, already popular for their beauty and personalities, became known for their genuine kindness
ᥫ᭡. she and poppy became prefects at the same time, furthering their reputation as the gryffindor mothers
ᥫ᭡. she passed her o.w.l.s with flying colors, etc. etc.
ᥫ᭡. she spent the whole summer before her sixth year with poppy, eating ice cream, taking the train to edinburgh to go to the museums and “experience some culture”
ᥫ᭡. they def “practiced kissing” on each other, even though they'd both already had their first kisses
ᥫ᭡. the next year, minnie worked on becoming an animagus, under the supervision of dumbledore
ᥫ᭡. she became an animagus in a little over seven months, due to a few failed attempts, but!!! she got their in the end bc of course she did she's mcgonagall
ᥫ᭡. from that point forward she was constantly turning into her cat form, bc she loved yowling at her fellow students when they pissed her off
ᥫ᭡. of course she had to keep the fact that she was an animagus a secret, even tho she did it legally
ᥫ᭡. sixth and seventh year she got a lot of awards for transfiguration, but now she was starting to worry about where she would go in her career
ᥫ᭡. most of her teachers insisted she take up a teaching position at hogwarts but she was like “no😭😭 i hate kids”
ᥫ᭡. after graduation, she got a job at a magazine in london, where she had a column about transfiguration. she interviewed famous people, talked about how transfiguration and other forms of magic can be mixed, etc.
ᥫ᭡. but she wasn't happy
ᥫ᭡. at this point, she was penpals w poppy, who was working back at hogwarts
ᥫ᭡. poppy filled her in on the drama, and when minnie found out dumbledore was leaving his position as transfiguration professor to be headmaster, she rushed to apply
ᥫ᭡. obviously, she was given the job
— now for some headcanons from when she was a professor !
ᥫ᭡. one time minnie got in a fight with another animal in her animagus form and she showed up to class the next day with nicks in her ear and a limp
ᥫ᭡. causing a school-wide rumor that she was secretly in a gang (she doesn't deny it)
ᥫ᭡. minnie in animagus form always accompanied remus on the full moon, to make sure he never hurt himself too badly
ᥫ᭡. mcgonagall def picked favorites, but they had to earn it. some of her notable favorites: molly weasley, bill weasley, regulus black, remus lupin, andromeda black, mary macdonald, hermione granger, luna lovegood, neville longbottom, harry potter, fred & george weasley, and lee jordan (the quidditch commentator)
that's all i can think of right now, feel free to add on! <3
#ceri talks ₊˚ෆ#ramblinandwritin ੈ♡₊˚#minerva mcgonagall#professor mcgonagall#minnie mcgonagall#hp marauders#marauders era#marauders#harry potter series#harry potter#harry potter hc#harry potter headcanon#marauders hc#marauders headcanon#hp headcanon#hp#hogwarts#pre marauders era
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Um. Random oc time? Idk lol (different ocs, from a new story I’m working on for fun) (it’s not a very serious one so far, but knowing me I’ll probably end up making it super dark lmfao)
These three guys are the sorta like… minor villains from a silly little superhero-ish story that I’m writing. They’re basically just three dumbass friends who fuck around and cause problems for the protagonists lol. They work for the actual villain (and their like, organization/kingdom), but they themselves aren’t like, bad ppl or anything. Anyways, I’m definitely not done the story, but I wanted to sketch out my design concepts for these guys so far bc I love their characters lol :3

Rosemary is the first one, she’s sorta the leader, but I wouldn’t say she’s the braincell of the group or anything. One time (one time) she mentioned to her two best friends that she was sorta insecure about having white hair and so they tried to dye their hair white as well. She told them she could have just dyed her hair, but did think the gesture was sweet (even if she had to fix it for them because they fucked it up rlly bad lol). She likes wearing unnatural-ish makeup (like pink mascara or drawing like yellow stars on her cheeks with eyeliner etc), and she gives herself fancy hairstyles when she isn’t out fighting or anything. She swears a lot, and is definitely the loudest (that’s probably why she’s the leader actually). She’s the tech person in the trio as well. (She doesn’t have any powers, she’s just rlly book smart.)
Kami is the guy in the middle, he’s pretty scrawny and his powers include teleporting and going invisible, so he’s not really built for fighting but he is really good at running away and hiding. He’s also pretty useful as a spy. Kami has a lazy eye that is also blind, they’re super insecure about the lazy eye and would definitely cry if anyone made fun of it lmao. He sees out of that little screen thing, which also hides the lazy eye. The design isn’t final, and I still have to work more on the science part of it (blagh) but for now just pretend that it magically works (it’s implanted in his head (sorta like a cochlear implant?) by the optical lobe, but that’s all I have so far. Maybe I’ll actually try and make it semi-realistic, or maybe we can all just use our imaginations bc it looks cool). Anyways Kami is a silly little guy, and his friends like him a lot so don’t be mean to him or you will be killed. If you startle them, they will just teleport away on instinct. Rosemary likes to do that to bully him lol. (Also Rosemary is the one who made is eye thingy btw)
Quinn is the last member of the trio, he’s sorta the muscle of the group, even though he is the shortest. The goggles do literally nothing, he wears them because he thinks they look cool. He can also sorta do fire magic related stuff (like firebending? I guess?) but he hates red and orange so I draw him wearing blue lol. He’s trans, and also my mandatory guy-with-a-mullet (there has to be one in every story I write idk I don’t make the rules). Anyways yeah, he’s kinda just a guy. He likes martial arts, and works out a lot. Also a fan of painting and drawing, although he gets a little embarrassed about that lol. His friends support his passions tho.
Anyways, these are the three musketeers of my silly little story (and major comic relief). They’re very lovable if not slightly morally questionable. They love each other very much, and enjoy partaking in evil schemes as a friendgroup.
#Lemme know what y’all think of them lol#Mushroom oc post#Or if any of you are smart and can give me ideas on how to make Kami’s eye thing work plz hmu lmfao#And yeah there are also protagonists / heroes but like#Who cares about good guys I want to talk about the dumbass villain henchmen besties /silly
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I’m going to vent. Sit tight for an artist’s reflection on the acotar fandom!
I was going to use tumblr to strictly post art (at least on my end) and engage with the wonderful ppl here as well. Except what I’ve been seeing as of late is a lot of abuse (across platforms) and it’s very jarring. As an artist, I understand to make the most of your experience in a toxic fandom is to say nothing and do nothing that bothers those a bit **too** passionate about their opinions. I get it, I’m used to being content fodder from other fandoms. So I am not new to this.
But this fandom is *so* toxic that I immediately understood why artists choose to stay neutral or entirely avoid making art for this fandom at all. I have several art friends interested in the books but won’t touch the fandom with a ten foot pole from what they’ve seen. What I’ve personally witnessed the past few months is genuinely disgusting. The only reason I’m here after being FLAMED on twitter is because 1) I began posting BECAUSE people were so kind and encouraging and I don’t want to leave them and the possibility of befriending others 2) I was fully prepared to be dragged for the smallest offense.
I didn’t want to believe people would be downright atrocious to me for Elain, being starborn, holding the sword that reflects her (as I’ve stated when I paralleled quotes) but that’s what they were: awful. And what I got in turn was: why are you victimizing yourself this is what other artists deal with! Ok?? And!? Why is it appropriate AT ALL. Why is it fine for you to do that? I don’t care what anyone ships, why do you feel entitled to comment nastiness under someone’s art. To directly be in their mentions mocking the concept and the way it looks or how you hate the character. It brings me and others joy.. why are you being ruthless? For a fictional character??
It’s too much. And you know, this is my first fandom experience where the shipping is so extreme. I would’ve loved multi shipping as I’ve done it in other fandoms, I really don’t care for what sort of crack ships people make up (though I have my limitations, I think everyone does. “Notp”.) But you know what I DON’T DO as an adult? Ridicule artists for their work. They are providing content FOR FREE. And if they aren’t, they are gifting you with their expertise and talent. You are scaring people away.
I was afraid of joining and just stayed on the sidelines for months just enjoying arts in peace. I only gave in because I showed some friends some of my sketches and they ADORED it. And pleaded that I post. So I did, and I found many others really wanted me to continue posting. So I do. Were it not for the toxicity, I would’ve drawn all types of ships because I’m genuinely someone that does not care about the ship and if it’s canon or endgame or not, if I like the characters and the vibe- cool. Draw it. That’s the beauty of fanart.
But people are acting diabolically UNHINGED over it. And treating artists like they’re players and they’re revoking sponsorships. Fandom should not be a competition. That is exhaustive and tiring. I shouldn’t have to be fearful of the engagements on my posts. I don’t even have 500 followers yet on ANY of my platforms. And still, I am treated like filth. I need people to reflect on their behavior, recognize if they don’t like something ignore it or block it or what have you and be at peace. Stop giving into negativity and using artists as some pawn- they have feelings TOO! And you really turn them off to a character or a ship or a fandom in general with the way you act.
I have my comments off where I can keep them off because I simply don’t want 1) people arguing in my comments and 2) comments that are generally unhelpful or just shaming me for what I post. But twitter I really can’t help what happens. And tumblr too there’s some limits I can take and a filtering system I can take advantage of but even here people lack etiquette. I don’t understand where people get off acting like mean girls over things people made.
This is the most extreme, unhealthy fandom I have ever been in and I’m really not all shocked when I hear an artist quit and doesn’t want to partake. This is not a competition of who has it worse. Stop bullying artists because they don’t make content that pleases you. Just drop it. I can’t believe I am being called TOXIC for defending myself and my art. And I know who these people are, I know exactly the type of content they themselves post and it’s COMEDY to be telling ME I’m toxic for standing up for myself.
Most artists leave or go silent. That’s what you want, right? Or to antagonize them to the point they really lose patience with you. This is me losing patience: a call to being better. Be the change you seek. It’s funny I have people going at me and in their bio it says “ spread kindness not hate” Pardon??
Seriously, I would’ve liked to explore any theory and a variety of arts despite my preferences but the way people act with what I DO put out, I’m just sour. I don’t even want to expand beyond the two characters I really like because I have a headache already with the “you don’t really care about-“ takes that I’ve seen other artists get when they expand what they draw in this fandom.
It shouldn’t offend you that an artist has a preference and wants to share the things that they found intriguing or makes them happy. And if it does, cry about it in private at minimum. Stop dumping your grief onto the artists. That’s all. Maybe then you will see a resurgence of artists that do content for free (and frequently) or a return of artists who left.
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OOH WAIT been meaning to ask this bc I know ppl have lots of varying opinions on the matter:
Batgirl: Convergence
How do we feel about it, Re: Steph?
It's been a long time since I most recently reread it so I can't really summon too many thoughts on it- I remember doubting that Steph would've quit being a vigilante in the dome, even if I liked her nursing career, I liked her roommates dynamic with Cass, and I liked a couple of Steph's jokes and bits (yelling at killer moth that he's wasting her time, singing "We Are The Champions" when she knocked out catman). I also remember loving how Steph was drawn but that's just cause I'm way biased towards Rick Leonardi's art.
Would love to hear your take on it though, bc I've heard people say they love how it depicts Steph, or they hate how it depicts Steph, or they're indifferent, etc etc. curious for your thoughts
Okay I won’t lie I hadn’t read Convergence Batgirl before receiving this ask, because I didn’t know about Convergence Batgirl. I’m not going to get into it bc no one cares but the way I started reading comics was a little stupid insane, so I’ve read a LOT but there is a chance any book which wasn’t published in an ongoing or which I couldn’t find out about by reading ongoings I just might not having heard of.
All this to say: glad to know about it now! Thank you for asking me about it! I’ve read it twice now but my review and opinions might change with time and as I think about it more. Also this is really really fucking long, hope you don’t mind.
I had a pretty similar take to you abt Steph’s nursing career. I really liked Steph being a nurse, it felt like a good choice for Steph. But I also had similar and pretty major gripe with it: I just can’t see Steph giving up Batgirl to be a nurse unless it’s an evolution of her character. We all know Steph is stubborn as fuck and I can’t see her abandoning the mantle of Batgirl with anything less than an absolute decisiveness about how she could best help people. It would never be a backing down, as Convergence seems to portray it as. I just can’t see Steph quitting being Batgirl the way she does in Convergence, because of nebulous reasons which never really get explained, and especially given her Batgirl 2009 progression.
I was a fan of the moment Steph mentions her pregnancy. Steph mentions her pregnancy/her baby two times I can think of in the entire time between the aftermath of her giving birth and the new 52: when she talks to Cass on the rooftop and when is dying at the end of War Games. Two is not a lot of times. Would more mentions make the arc somehow better written? No. Would it benefit Steph’s character? Maybe, maybe not. Do I think it says something that DC has the balls to do a horribly executed teen pregnancy arc but not the balls to meaningfully acknowledge that choice again as consequential to Steph’s character? Yeah.
I think especially given how much time has passed for Steph and how much she’s grown as a character, her thinking about her pregnancy and especially how it’s shown as something that she uses to help her help people, is pretty well executed and intriguing to me. Again especially so because we get so little reflection about the pregnancy from Steph normally.
One little nitpick about it though. Steph reassures the pregnant teenager she’s aiding with birth that the amount of pain as she pushes is ‘normal’ and reassures her that Steph gets it. The dialogue doesn’t make as much sense if Steph had a c-section, which she did. It’s not like the biggest issue, just something small. (I’m like the Cinemasins of stephanie brown aren’t I? Damn.)
I was also very curious about the gendering of the baby, it’s something Steph does during War Games as well, referring to the baby as a girl despite specifically choosing when she gave birth not to know the gender of her baby. Even her dream sequence in Robin #65 is very very careful with language, the baby never is gendered. Once I feel like I can chalk up to author error, but if it’s occurred twice now I feel comfortable assigning an in-world explanation for this. I’m thinking it’s projection, just how Steph sees her baby and thinks about ‘her’. The dream sequence and her own twisty way she combined her own childhood with her baby’s potential one and plain old intuition combine and cause Steph to start thinking of her baby as a baby girl post pregnancy. She isn’t trying to think about it. She actually spend a good deal of time trying not to think about her baby, especially at first, about its eye color or where it’s sleeping at night or its gender. But inevitably thinking about her baby as a girl just trickles into her brain, until she doesn’t think twice about it and she refers to her baby as a girl even in the rare conversation, even while knowing she made that choice to not really ever know. (Okay tangent over)
Steph as an animal lover is interesting to me, as an extension of her defender of voiceless / victims shtick I think it works for her, but on the other hand it makes me think of the panel where she kicks this evil goose and then I laugh. I genuinely can’t think of any other notable moments of Steph and an animal interacting, besides the evil goose and the other brainwashed animals in the Robin 80 Page Giant. But sure, Steph as an animal lover is cute. No gripes with that. I like the description of her eyes as cow-like, that was fun to me.

Unfortunately Cass’s characterization felt off to me. I liked that they lived together, that was cute, but Cass didn’t really seem like herself. I don’t think she made a single expression the whole book. Also they gave her blue eyes which is crazy to me.
I did find it really funny when Steph jokingly refers to Cass as honey. I thought it might’ve been a Future State esque situation again where DC lets them be a (plausibly deniable) couple ONLY in alternate universes to the main continuity. Obvs not how it ended up playing out in Convergence, but still funny to me.
I wasn’t a fan of how much Steph devalues her own skill. I felt like a solid chunk of Steph’s internal narration was downplaying her abilities and doubting herself. It’s in character, don’t get me wrong, specifically in any pre batgirl2009 story. But it felt super out of place in a story which takes place after Batgirl 2009 has occurred. Because bg2009 serves as such a huge self confidence and self worth glow up for Steph, it felt like a huge step back for her. It’s one thing if it was just about her being out of practice, but it went beyond that. I can also see Steph having periods of lower self esteem and regression to old feelings about her self worth, but it feels like we’re missing an inciting incident for that. I would say her quitting Batgirl is the obvious answer, but the issue is I don’t think Convergence does a good enough job justifying that choice either, so I feel like I need an emotional inciting incident to explain Steph’s choice to quit Batgirl as well.
I thought it was a strange choice to say that Steph and Tim became a couple In the nebulous post bg2009 but pre-convergence-Dome period of time. I like the terms they were in Red Robin and Batgirl (2009) with the slightly sour but playful banter of exes who know eachother too well. This portrayal felt much less grounded in their history. The romantic throughline also came out of left field to me, given we didn’t find out that Steph and Tim had even gotten back together only to have broken up again until the second issue.
I will say I love the way Kwitney brings the realistic toll a crime fighting lifestyle would have taken on Steph and Tim into the story. It rarely gets explored, and I love when scars or long term injuries get acknowledged. Also kind of a sweet scene despite it all.
On the topic of Steph and Tim in Convergence Batgirl, I really liked this panel.

Something about this really speaks to me. I have to think on how it works w Steph’s character more, but I really do like this for her. And also the ref to Tim and Steph’s first date w the swing set is cute.
The thing with Convergence: Batgirl is that it’s asking a question about Stephanie Brown. By making her the champion for Gotham, and constantly comparing her to those better suited for the role, the comic pushes this question over and over again; Why is Steph ‘special’? Why her?




It’s a specific question abt why she would be chosen to be the champion, but it’s also a more general one which investigates the nature of Steph as a character. It’s a question she’s been leveled a lot as she’s been alternatively valued or devalued over time.
Kwitney comes to one main answer: Steph is good because Steph is resourceful and unpredictable. It’s Steph’s creativity and willingness to talk things out and pursue nonviolent solutions which allows her to best killer moth, (did the dome turn him back to a normal guy you think? Pretty sure he was still a Huge Moth Monster last we saw him) subdue the stampeding crowd of Gothamites, and convince Catman to surrender in order to win the challenge.
While this answer works, I don’t think it’s quite right. In fact, I think Batgirl Convergence accidentally refutes and reverses the real thing that makes Stephanie Brown ‘special’: her indomitable perseverance and will.
Steph gives up Batgirl, which is not portrayed as a choice to evolve into a role she feels she could help more people as, but as a kind of ‘giving up’ that ultimately turned out for the best.
Steph seems to give in to Tim, at first expressing anger over being dumped by being ghosted, because Tim no longer wanted to date her when she wasn’t Batgirl, and then seemingly giving in to his desire to rekindle their relationship without even discussing the situation again or expressing her feelings of betrayal. Those feelings aren’t resolved, they are abandoned.
And Steph wins as a champion, the genesis for Convergence’s investigation into what makes her a worthy vigilante, by convincing Catman to give up, stating that if he didn’t, she would. Does she actually give up in the fight? No. But the language of ‘giving up’ as Steph’s only path to victory in a game about what makes her valuable is so intriguing to me.
For the record, I don’t think Stephanie in Convergence Batgirl is constantly quitting, or somehow not stubborn. She perseveres, yes, but I do think there is a strong irony in these big story beats in Convergence revolving around Steph doing the very opposite: giving up.
And while Steph is certainly resourceful, and certainly unpredictable, her strongest point to me will always be the fact that she never does give up, no matter what the odds, no matter what she’s told. So in that way, I do think Convergence Batgirl fails. It asks this question about what makes Steph a worthy vigilante and then refutes the best answer entirely. Because of that, to me, it fails to explain what makes Steph special, it fails to answer the key question it asks to a standard I’d agree with.
Side note, I don’t know why Steph can never get writers who have written for her before. I find that unfortunate. That being said, I do think Kwitney did a solid job of understanding Steph’s character. Not perfect, but to me it’s clear she tried to ground Stephanie in her past.
I feel I might be more critical if I didn’t have new52 Steph Brown to stack it up against. At least this is a pre flashpoint story where I know her history as a character is pretty much intact. This world, even if elements are different, feels familiar.
Overall, it was a nice read despite its flaws. I think it messes up some important things about Steph’s character, but it also gets quite a few things right. My opinion might change with more time though. Thanks again for the ask, I’m curious as to what you think if you wanna weigh in!
#sorry this was wayyy too long#answered asks#stephanie brown meta#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#convergence batgirl
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the more i think abt it the more i realize how insane the parallels between jean & jeremy are despite their seemingly very different circumstances. and one specific thing that i can’t get off my mind is how complicated their feelings are when it comes to their abusers. we’ve all seen the love-hate attitude of jean towards the ravens. how he still cared about them and grieved their death. how he tried to save zane after what the bastard had done. how he had suffered so much yet did not really put the blame on any of the ravens. that’s how jean is. that’s bc he has a good heart and a loving soul, even if it destroys him.
then we have jeremy and his shitty family. i’ve seen ppl questioning the way that he deals with the wilshires, like why he lets them treat him like trash and why he doesn’t just leave esp when warren wants him kicked out already. tbh i get a bit frustrated whenever i see something like that bc jeremy’s situation is clearly complicated. aside from the fact that mathilda keeps all his documents, i don’t think jeremy himself hates his family enough to leave them. sure they mistreat him and make his life miserable, but to him they’re still family. and with the noah incident, it makes things worse. he cannot leave bc the guilt is eating him alive, bc he’s still trying to atone for his mistakes, bc he believes that it was him who ruined everything. and more importantly, jeremy, like jean, has lots of love in his heart. maybe ppl would call it atonement or redemption, but I genuinely believe that jeremy is good. I think he loves his family, like c’mon this is the guy who kept the knox surname bc he wanted to hold on what was once a family. and now it’s falling apart but i don’t think he would give up on that unless something really big happens.
ppl need to understand that there’s no black and white when it comes to human feelings. we as outsiders can see these assholes as just assholes. but jean cannot bc these are the ones who used to live with him, who used to be in close proximity to him, who suffered with him in one way or another. there would be love and affection and some twisted sense of empathy. jeremy cannot bc that’s his family and blood is a powerful thing that ties ppl together even when they’re not good at being family as they should be. of course he wouldn’t just leave them.
Ppl are saying what about how Jeremy handles the wilshires 😭😭😭
Truly I think it all comes down to ppl wanting a savior character for Jean. Because how are you going to get mad at a guy for being mistreated by his family 😭 how is that his fault 😭
Also, You’re 100% correct. There are SO many parallels between Jeremy and Jean from the way they handle emotions to the way they see their abusers. Now, Jean’s situation is a little different because the ravens weren’t his blood related family, but he was still devastated when they sent him those insults and his destroyed things. It still hurt him to hear the things they said about him. (Hell, he even said losing Riko felt like loss and he wanted that man dead ) . He loved them, and he hated them, and it still took two books for him to decide that he would put Jeremy cat and Laila over them all.
But (and I do not mean this in a bad way) 1.) i think Jeremy is softer than Jean and 2.) that’s Jeremy’s blood related family. He already watched it split in half twice, once when his parents got divorced, and then again when Noah died (and he blames himself for it!!!). We see over and over that he cares what they have to say, even tho they hurt him. (Just like Jean with the ravens!!!) He reads Joshua’s text even tho he knows it’s going to be mean, he refuses the implication that his mother will never trust him again, he drops everything he’s doing the minute his father calls him.
[we also know that he’s like , desperate to be loved!!!! And love is supposed to come from ur family first!!!! His lover picked a car over him, his family blames him for a death that wasn’t his fault. He is grasping at any shreds of love he can get, no matter how small. Of course he wouldn’t leave the one group of ppl bound to him by blood. He is desperately seeking their approval!!! ]
Also , (and now maybe I’m wrong) but I think the redemption thing is coming from that scene where Jean asks why Jeremy’s so dedicated to being kind, and Jeremy says , “redemption, perhaps”. And I know Leo says “you tried it their way for four years” and Jeremy said something about the violent way his Highschool team played was exhausting, but he does not give me the impression that he’s a bad/ malicious guy . Even still. Even after all this. I genuinely think he’s just got a very low opinion of himself, and thinks he’s a worse person than he actually is and is responsible for way more than is actually his fault .
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Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.
So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:
"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."
(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)
To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.
And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?
At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.
This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.
The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.
(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol
BUT
I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"
Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#james somerton#hbomberguy#vampire chronicles#iwtv spoilers#the vampire lestat#youtube#anne rice#queer media
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