#BUT AH WELL LIFE GOES ON
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@kurtsascot replied to your post â@kurtsascot replied to your post âQuestion for fic...â:
okayyyy⊠hmmm. i think regardless whether its revealed entirely what rachels beef is, its good to include. in real life, we dont always know why people dislike us- i think its okay if it isnt expandedâŠ.also!! you can only reveal part of the reason if youd like, like only whatever rachel is willing to admit to herself by the end of the pieceđ
âYeah exactly! That's what I am aiming for. Rachel and Santana (and other characters, like Quinn, and Denise, and the Andersons, and etc. etc. etc.) have a life!
Like it's up in the air. It might come back, but I don't actively plan on it. But yeah, I do like my lil extended universe. Sigh. There are so many of my fics where I have a lot of thots about that don't end up in the story since it's just a lot of extended stuff. There's a lot of Quinn/Denise and stuff about past Blaine/Quinn that will not be included either. (Damn, do I write another Quinn/Denise thing?)
But yeah, I think I'll keep it in and if it never gets mentioned again, then it depends on whether someone asks about it, I guess.
Ugh, I just always have so much to say about the universes of my stories. You gotta remember that I wrote Ljubim te and Je tik pred vami without knowing that Ljubili se would join the club, so when I wrote the connection between Quinn, Santana, Rachel and Brittany I didn't think it'd come back. It was just something to mention so I could sort of flesh out Quinn's gay past at high school. So this is me now, trying to see what stuff can work and how things might come together:
#kurtsascot#replies#i often wondered whether i should even write ljubili se#cause ljubim te had such a great ending#like sometimes i make sequels and wonder if i should've but i also really like them so?????#but i am very VERY hard to myself by not coming up with a river fic sequel for example even though i also have more to say for that as well#i think the main reason i decided to write ljubili se anyway is because i think i have enough to make a full sequel#but as i mentioned before in a sss/ww i didn't write ljubim te with a sequel in mind so i am suddenly confronted by the fact#that i left out things that are kinda needed as a bridge between the stories#like ya know blaine's family or kurt's friends and quinn and blaine's social circle#anyway i think it works cause kurt and blaine truly do treat their time at ljubljana as some sort of different world#where home world didn't matter#cause that's what i did when i was there#BUT AH WELL LIFE GOES ON
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interesting that some ppl think that osha going dark side was too fast or didn't make sense when i thought it was pretty clear she was heading that direction from episode one đ
#ah well#holly talks bs#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#yes she had a lot of faith in the jedi and what they represent#but her whole hang up is that she Failed at Being A Jedi#specifically because she can't let go of her anger and grief and fear they show and talk about this several times#even in ep3 young osha is afraid and also yearning for more out of her life#she attaches that yearning to the jedi obvs because they immediately represent freedom and adventure to her#and then she fails at jedi'ing because that's not what being a jedi is about and also she can't control her emotions only repress#and then the catalyst for allllll that breaking open is sol's betrayal and realising that all her resentment and anger at mae was misplaced#and then she goes with qimir because he is freedom that's the thesis statement of his character so far#and that's the thing she's always truly wanted and this is the first time since she was eight she's able to fully self actualise#and excercise her agency fully#because even tho she DID want to be a jedi sol and co ultimately prevented her for actually making that choice!#just my thoughts i thought the throughline of her character (and mae's!) was pretty well laid out and then realised in the finale imo
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if i wrote a comprehensive analysis of reading into otto's character from a queer lens (with extensive text citations) would you read it bc ive thought way too much about this for the sake of my silly anime fanfiction okay. i know too much about this topic now and i gotta let the energy out <33
#my thesis is that otto is so into subaru and all the animators keep shipping ottosuba (says the rz ottosuba shipper blog) and then#tappei goes â....huh did i just write otto being gay for subaru bc fans keep asking if ottos gay for subaru. huh. ........maaaybeâ#the other part of my thesis is that otto is transphobic towards subaru-as-natsumi despite subaru being his crush for Reasons and that#otto cant be normal about relationships bc of *insert psychological analysis about his life*#theres just sooooo sooooo much subtext from ottos end that i just gotta ok i gotta. i gotta. when. when i got time. i prommys </3 if no one#else will i will <3#i started posting my more polished analysis stuff on rz reddit a little while ago but i think if i posted an otto queer subtext analysis id#speedrun myself into getting banned LJDFLJD oh well. very worth it.#listen today i got commplimented by my writing professor for having great writing and analysis and inside i was thinking#ah yes bc i write#anime meta in my free time LDSFJ but im flattered i just let the adhd take over!!!!#and once again if youre someone whos sent me an ask that i havent answered yet ill get to it eventually HAH <3#suffaru post
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Hello! Just popping in to say sorry about the delay in RimWorld posts! The next few pages are taking forever to draw, but I promise I'm working on them!
A lot happened in my game all at once, so there's a lot to draw, lol. In the meantime, enjoy these doodles of Magic Man I did while I was at work!
I was trying to draw Magic Man's tail because I don't think I draw it very much and it is pretty cool.
Every time I remember that Magic Man's given name is "Louis" I crack up laughing. He doesn't look like a Louis, but I suppose maybe I'm just too used to "Magic Man", which is an arguably weirder name.
Finally, as a special treat (and as an apology for taking so long with updates), here are the very, very, very first designs for Vasso, Laursen, and Bella that I ever drew! This was drawn while I was waiting for the results of the "Eldritch Cult VS Mechanitor" poll, so there is a special guest appearance from the Mechanitor we'll meet once this current run is over. It's probably considered a spoiler, so I'll pop it under here:
Don't mind the scribbling; this was a very early draft as I tried to work out what I wanted the characters to be like.
Bella used to be so small T.T
#rimworld#gracie plays#The Children of Ecthuctu#The As-Of-Yet Unnamed Mechanitor Run#art of my rimworld colonists but not in the context of rimworld#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#I draw far more than I should at work#But I don't think I'd be able to keep a level head if I wasn't constantly doodling on something#My hands would get so figety and my brain would get itchy#I love drawing <3#Louis is not a very âdragonâ name#no wonder he goes by Magic Man#sorry again about the delay#I'm working on the next pages I promise#I did not expect them to take so long to draw lmao#ah well#such is life#enjoy the intermission doodles at least!#have a fabulous day!! xoxo
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#anyway! whoâs up crying about Yichan and Eun Gyeol?#me i am đ§đ»ââïž#the father-son love that was fated to happen in any timeline and even if Yichan was a literal 19 year old child got to me all right#LIKE!!! the CONNECTION#Cheong-ah was always going to fall in love with Yichan and he was always going to fall in love with her and they were always going to have#their beloved sons and that love is immutable and unerasable and would always happen even if altering the timeline meant that it would#happen vice versa#like eun gyeol is the result of yichan and cheong-ahâs connection but then!!! he goes back#and yichan and cheong-ah have a connection BECAUSE of eun gyeol#and and and#eun gyeol is like dadâŠ.. momâŠâŠ Iâm going to personally make sure your lives shine because you made my life shine#and then itâs like#he does what they raised him to do so well that he essentially becomes their adoptive parent for one glorious summer#Yichan saying âitâs like youâre the dad I never hadâ#BUT BECAUSE YICHAN IS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT EUN GYEOL WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A DAD#and the first word eun gyeol ever says to cheong-ah (that she understands) is âmomâ#and thatâs the word she remembers from her own mom#they took that from her#they took away her mom they took away her connection to the world#but eun gyeol gives that back to her#BECAUSE SHEâS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HIM THAT#they taught him how to love and then he went back and saw how much they needed love as kids and he taught it back to them#and he returns to his time and the love is there tenfold#GODDDDD#twinkling watermelon#elly's posts
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Ep 4 :)
#I LIKE Dostoyevsky. I like how mysterious and unreadable he is. What is his goal!!!! Why does he do what he does!!!!!!! He's very cool#I think knowing his ability now REALLY adds to his character. Him being so smart so manipulative so disruptive in the way heâ#seemingly kills people on touch! Only added to this impression of him being âdemonâ and âinhumanâ#But now that we know his ability you realize... That's all his doing; no ability.#His ability in a way does help humanize him by reaffirming that except for the moment he diesâ he's got no superpower at all!!!#It's just him.#And yet at the same time also solves the exact opposite role of dehumanizing him because if it's not his ability that makes him like *that*#then he's even different than other ability users!!! Thenâ if not an ability userâ if not a non ability user: what is //he//?#It's all SO compelling!!! Also makes for an extremely insightful narrative parallel with Dazai#Not an ability user not a non ability user. Not good not evil. (I feel like Dostoyevsky does exceed the definitions of good and evil asâ#much as Dazai does. If he causes evilâ yet does so with the intention of bringing salvation to humansâ is he really *simply* evil?)#Both have these borderline superpowers that make them extraordinary beings (we can call it super intelligenceâ but it goes from controlling#their own heartbit to everything else) but are unrelated to their respective abilities! Once again making them neither this or that#I find Karma's words at the end to be extremely insightful.âAce was evil for sureâ but this man isn't even evil.#He's a being from the beyond. A being that exceeds human limits.â Like!!! That's all that there is to it!!!!!!#Back to this chapter / episode. There's some themes / worldvies once again I don't agree with but narrative wise I think it's extraordinary#I feel like after the Guild arc the writing really matured a lot and this is a kind of preview of what the doa arc is going to be like#(aka very very well written especially if compared to the previous arcs)#The plot twists of this episode are all so unpredictable and exciting!!! I think it's remarkably witty how it takes advantages of previousâ#clichĂ©s - villains always revealing details about their own ability in a way that is quite baffling - to actually surprise the audience.#It's so effective. How skillfully unpredictable Dostoyevsky is to the point you can never guess what he will do next!!!#Him killing Karma is... Idk so so soooooooo interesting. I could talk about this forever but I'm being very dispersive in the rable andâ#running out of tags. The whole episode you're sorta rooting for Dostoyevsky. He's very cool and comes out charming in the way he keepsâ#surprising the audience. He looks bothered by Ace's disregard of other people's lives and that makes him sympathetic too.#But then he kills Karma out of nowhere and it's an âAh! You fell for his lies tooâ remember he's nothing but evil. He cares just as little#about life as Ace doesâ. And then??? Karma in his last words is himself so generous in his words to Dostoyevsky. It's baffling.#And it almost feels like thenarrative is once again turning around and telling you you should root for Dostoyevsky.#It's endlessly fascinating.#I have more to say about the worldviews I don't share and the art style Dostoyevsky was portrayed with this episode (love it!!)#But alas ran out of tags
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mannnn all the best postal artists keep deactivating :(
#i respect their decision of course it just sucks to see em go#but ah well#life goes on#hope you're not tired of me tho cause i'm not deactivating any time soon lol#maka mumbles
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iâm coping with jokes because iâm a silly guy at heart and i donât like to let this kinda shit get to me but iâll be honest gang iâm going thru a lot right now and this is not helping my mental state!
#itâs mostly just like. âgoing thru itâ by proxy which is the worst way#my sister is having a rough time and iâm worried for her. same with my bf. and some other close friends. and also work is stressful#ah well. life goes on!
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there comes a bit of a loss of your soul when your favorite mug breaks. i dont know how to explain it
#i watched my moms fav mug fell to the floor and shatter#and it was a mug i gifted to her#im not sad no but i do feel some sort of loss#ah well. life goes on!!
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You that video you have reblogged about the arm prosthetics has my boy Guts on the thumbnail (the one with the big ass sword) and uhhh fuck that's a spoiler
oops lmaooo
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another billions analysis thing is like so yeah while it's like "hmm let's think about power" but then doesn't really do that, what's there to offset that is "but let's think about what these people with billions(tm) are doing because of their like personal feelings & lives & whatever" and the personal feelings are the thrilling journey of s1 men following the compass of their ego & the way their personal lives matter at all beyond this is about their Relationships. except the relationships are also actually about the power billions isn't really thinking about because the ones billions focuses on involve this Fealty where one person does whatever and the other is just stuck with it. sure they might air some unhappiness sometimes, but if it's not punished or ignored from the start anyway, it'll still end up so inconsequential that it's as though it never happened. and what's left to offset the way that can't mean anything if you again take it for granted that of course people are just locked into such relationships & best they can do is fix it from the inside or embrace it as is? is "do you think this character is a winner among losers & you want to see them pwn everyone & do whatever they want forever" & if you like all the media the creators do like
#or you can watch the show wrong but where billions was never planning to allow taylor to Disrupt these crucial dynamics#sure they can kind of break with axe but never with wendy!#who can also kind of break with axe & chuck but also not really at all! worst Cost for anyone: divorce. & even then it's not that bad#it's like whenever things just conclude with a reverent nod to like Nuclear Family subsection Fealty To Parent or To Cishet Spouse#like where invoking that serves as a resolution to all the shit going on throughout the actual plot / themes of the material#oh well thank god we have the nuclear family. wendy's on emergency call for her kids & sometimes she will pat their head as they silently#disappear out of frame but that's all we need to be so glad for her she has her nightmare family dinners forever#does taylor have Okay I Guess weekly friend dinners? who cares.#and i mean from there which relationships matter are also just determined by which ones the show cares about in particular#same as which it believes is obviously an Epic Man. or a girlboss. which is primarily wendy sorry! as the wife who will epic divorce you#winston billions#kind of putting a damper on thinking about how Feelings & Personal Motivations play into things#when once again it's precluded by the power dynamics of characters who get to do whatever they want no consequence ever#just going through motions like oh no wendy feels she was in the wrong in s4? no consequence by the end of it & that just Goes Away#how does anything have anything to do with wendy's motivations in s7#the real shining example of how really nothing holds up upon any earnest consideration is everything going on with axe & wendy#those relevant Motivations and it's like okay so wendy should want axe dead right? Wrong. it's peak beautiful romance time now#and anytime there's a more actually balanced relationship where nobody just does whatever they want no consequence?#billions is only interested if a s1 epic winner is involved & even then it'll only get so much material simply as fun little bonus flair#all that stuff about chuck's dad always being around to ruin his life? well he'll just keep doing that forever i guess#and this isn't some ''oh no'' moment like ah the parent always means well! and what's the child gonna do? escape this? lol
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you would think it is great to be at my parents where they constantly offer to cook/get food for me, but in reality what happens is that at 12pm my dad comes and says "hey, can i pick you up a sandwich? im about to head out"
and so I say "sure!"
but then next thing i know it's 3PM and my dad texts me "be home soon with spaghetti and meatballs"
it is now 3:50pm. he is not home. unsure what the FUCK he's getting up to
#i wasnt relying on this because i know this is how it goes#but it's generally extremely fucking frustrating because it means i live my life around them waiting for something that 50/50 doesnt have#a chance of showing up within 3 threes#and you would say 'well how about you just say no?'#ah well fine reader#when i say no#and i make my own feed#........theyll show up with something anyway#and now i have to deal with the horrific scenario of like having some food i never asked for#often that is inexplicably something ive never eaten before#which i fucking HATE on 0 warning#or see the doe eyes of them so sad like 'wow.... our daughter doesn't like when we get her food....'#and unsurprisingly this extends to other things#that just have a constant low level anxious hum#because i never know when i ask for something if ill actually get it (or get it on time)#or that when i DONT ask for something that something else will show up anyway
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sucks i was like "i gotta get off social media because its making me want to k my own s" right before the preview panel at magiccon chicago and i wanna see posts about the new stuff!!!!! my life is so hard
#anime life#but ALSO being on here is still making me want to k my own s!!!!!!#it really just feeds into the worst parts of my mental illness where i constantly feel like im being watched#i feel like everyone is watching me and judging me and everything i do reaffirms to them that they were right to hate me#and then whenever i come back i see everyone else still having fun and it makes me feel like. oh nobody notices when im gone anyway#they're probably happier because they don't have to deal with me bringing them down#that's not true!!! i assume anyway. because that's pure silly sauce#but ah well. so it goes#fandoms willl carry on without me and my absence will not be overly noticed and that is simply the way of things#time to go back to reading the mtg story and watching game grumps
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today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)
I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).
first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.
when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!
#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour#and just. it's exhausting#it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over#her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong#thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she#will still excuse their behaviour#it just makes me sad man.#buuut#like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no#one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah#that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop#talking about it and we change topics.#like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's#always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*)#so it feels pretty shitty!#like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show.#or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just#live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again#idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I#do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's#different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about#themselves all the time than not talking at all)#okay I'm gonna shut up now#and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad.#I just needed to vent I guess#okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear#personal
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made another homosexuality-induced financial decision
#shrimp thoughts#they were right about âin summer don't trust how you feel about life after 9pm but make it 4pm in winterâ they really WERE RIGHT#except in this case it goes both for Life Thoughts and Financial Decisions AND today i got e-mails about bills too. đ#ah well.
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going on artstation is always kind of weird because i see at all this insanely good art and end up oscillating between "man, i'm never gonna get that good..." and "i'm going to get that good even if it kills me."
#it's weird lmao#like it's a mix of feeling inspired and intimidated#like... I wanna draw like that! i want to have that good a command of composition and color and lighting and so on#in some ways it encourages me to buckle down and keep working#in others it's like.. how am i supposed to ever measure up to this? why can't i ever seem to get there?#i mean a lot of it is that getting better at art takes time and so of course the ''hrrrgh need feedback NOW'' brain wiring gets all mad#ah well#life goes on one way or the other#rambles
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