#August.. I have feelings about you too...
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Made With Love
It takes one bite for Eddie to suspect he's done something wrong. A second bite confirms it. He's fucked up somehow and cannot for the life of him remember what it was.
Did he miss an important date of some sort? It couldn't have been their anniversary because that's August 13th (Eddie's new favorite day of the year, for obvious reasons). He absolutely didn't miss Steve's birthday. Not with how long he and Robin had spent planning the damn thing. (Eddie is never throwing another surprise party in his life; the stress of secret keeping was too much to bear.)
... Did he miss Robin's birthday?
No. That can't be. Steve would never let him miss that.
It could be one of the Party's birthdays, but Eddie doesn't think that's a transgression that would warrant this.
This, of course, being his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"What, your peanut butter's gone bad?"
Eddie lifts his eyes from the proof of Steve's anger at him to his coworker, Charlie, sitting across the table from him in the closet that Thatcher claims is the break room. "No. It's much worse than that, I'm afraid."
"Well, don't keep me in suspense," Charlie deadpans.
"This sandwich wasn't made with love," Eddie whines, looking back at the sandwich with as much sorrow as he can muster. He sets the sandwich down on the baggy he had pulled it out of so that he can frown down at it without having to touch the offending creation.
"Ah shit," Charlie says, voice filled with empathy. This is why he's Eddie's favorite coworker. He gets it. Possibly because he's the only person who's tasted the difference for himself, back when Eddie'd just started at Thatcher Tires. "What'd'ya do?"
"I don't know!" Eddie wails. "Everything was fine when I left this morning, or I thought it was anyway."
"Ain't your misses pretty good at lettin' you know you done fucked up?" Charlie, like the best coworker that he is, looks surprised that Eddie doesn't know what he's done. He's right, too. Steve is the goddamn king of petty, and Eddie has never struggled to know when Steve's mad at him. The struggle usually comes from Eddie refusing to be in the wrong.
(That's not to say that Eddie is always in the wrong. He's not. Sure, a good percent of their arguments Eddie is the one at fault and he's mature enough to admit so once the argument is over, but it's not always his fault.)
Anyway, the point is, regardless of who's at fault, Steve is angry at him about something and for the first time in months Eddie doesn't know what for. They'd promised each other, after their first very big fight that almost ended in a breakup and was over a misunderstanding, that they would tell each other why they're mad or upset or feeling some type of way. So for Eddie to not know...
He thinks he might have fucked up big time.
"I know!" Eddie cries, shoving the sandwich away from him to make room to drop his forehead onto the table, then turns to smoosh his cheek against the table so he can look at Charlie. "Charlie. Charlie what do I do?"
Charlie blows out a long breath, thinking, before he gives a decisive nod and says, "you gotta beg forgiveness."
Eddie knows Charlie's right. He doesn't know what he did but he's going to beg forgiveness anyway.
Which is how he now finds himself in the small floral section of the grocery store looking over the sad, wilted bouquets after work. His arms are already full with Steve's favorite ice cream, candies, an over-priced little blue teddy bear that's holding an 'It's A Boy!' card that Eddie plans to rip off, and a blank card with a painting of sunflowers on it that he plans to wax poetry about Steve inside.
The final part of his groveling is, of course, the flowers. It's the wrong season for sunflowers, so Eddie was going to settle for roses. It's just that these roses are all sad looking. They don't really scream 'I Love You More Than Anything Else In The World, Please Forgive Me For What I've Done' though.
Let it never be said that Eddie doesn't know how to beg forgiveness.
He ends up picking the least wilted looking bouquet, one with white and yellow flowers he can't name.
The cashier is an older lady who takes quick catalogue of his items and asks, "is it your anniversary, darling? Or, oh!" She picks up the blue bear and Eddie feels his ear heating with embarrassment as she coos, "are you expecting? How exciting!"
"Err, no, not, uh, no. It's just blue is hi-her favorite color, so I was planning to just cut off the little card," Eddie stutters out the lie. Blue isn't Steve's favorite color but Eddie's used to making up many little lies when talking to strangers. Being hate-crimed is not a passion of Eddie's. "I, uh, messed up. And I don't know what I did, but I'm going to make it right."
The lady smiles at him and gives him a firm nod as she scans the items. "Smart boy. I'm sure she'll forgive you."
Eddie gives her a smile he hopes isn't as tight-lipped as it feels on his face.
Back in the safety of his van, Eddie roots around until he finds a pen and gets to writing all the things he loves about Steve in the card and all the things he hopes they'll get to have in the future. Nothing they haven't spoken about before, but it still makes Eddie a little emotional writing it all down.
Once he's done writing, he pulls his pocket knife out and cuts off the 'It's A Boy' card from the bear, crumpling it up and tossing it in the back of the van to be forgotten. He shoves the sunflower card in it's place. His card is a bit wider than the previous one here so it stays in place, albeit precariously. He'll be careful handing it over to Steve.
He knows that Steve is at home already. Steve's always home first because he's off work at four compared to Eddie getting off work around five.
Well. Closer to five-thirty today with his stop at the grocery store. He really hopes that whatever has Steve mad at him isn't time related. Being late home without calling might earn him no favors if it's a time-based blunder.
Steve is in the kitchen, back to the door since he's facing the stove, as Eddie expected he might be. Which means that Eddie doesn't get to lay out all his Items of Forgiveness across the counter like he had hoped but that's okay. If the love of his life has chosen to forgive him, he knows Steve will be just as overjoyed to rifling through a bag of goodies as he would to pick them off the counter.
"Hi sweetheart," Eddie says, words oozing with adoration and sweetness.
"Hi baby," Steve's tone matches Eddie's, like an instinct to match Eddie's energy has written itself into Steve's DNA. And it might have. Eddie knows the reverse is true.
Steve turns from the stove, then, and his face lights up with delight and surprise. "What's all this?"
"Your favorite things, because I love you," Eddie says, raising his arms a bit. The grocery bag is looped over his wrist with flowers in one hand and the bear in the other.
Steve looks positively smitten.
Eddie is nailing this apology that isn't an apology. And let it be known; he cannot say he's sorry. It'll ruin everything. Because Steve, his wonderful, beautiful, kind and loving Stevie, will cock one perfect little caterpillar eyebrow and ask if Eddie knows what he's apologizing for, and Eddie will have to say he doesn't know and that isn't something he's willing to do. Especially not when it's looking like whatever Steve was mad about has completely slipped Steve's mind, too.
"I got your favorite ice cream, too, so we might want to get that into the freezer," Eddie says, passing the bear and card to Steve and shimmying around him to get to the freezer.
He lays the flowers on the counter and sets to emptying the bag. Ice cream in the freezer and goodies on the counter, while Steve reads the card silently behind him.
He knows he's successfully made up for whatever it was he had done, because Steve crowds him against the fridge shortly after setting the card down and turning the stove burner off, kissing him breathless.
Eddie even gets desert before dinner, with Steve all but dragging him to their bedroom.
-
The reddit post that inspired this -
#steddie#my fic#Steve's not even mad or upset. He was running a bit late and asked Robin to make Eddie's sandwich for him while he finished getting ready.#Robin just grabbed the wrong jelly not even knowing it was the wrong one.#but yes... steve does do the thing the lady in the reddit story does
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so... this is the deleted original ending to the first chapter of seven minutes in heaven. made centuries ago. enjoy!!
(it sorta starts in the middle of the closet scene, so here goes nothing)
WARNINGS: SMUT! SMUT! ROMAN BEING AN ASSHOLE! mind control powers being used for BAD bad bad BAD things!! implied mind control during sex so is it dub-con?, dark!Roman, not-so-happy-ending
word count: 1,811
a/n: there was a reason this version was scrapped... it felt too dark and not fun and urgh i'm simply posting this as an ancient artifact lol. it might suck as i wrote this back in august, but oh well!!!
(Roman is NOT a feminist in this one, so... irony<333 generalizing cunt)
"And I reckon this is your first time playing?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, no longer meeting his gaze. I couldn't look at him, not right not, not when we were this close and alone.
"So..." Roman ran his fingers through his hair, the usual smirk returning. "You know what usually happens in here, or...?"
I rolled my eyes; "I'm not an idiot,"
"I know," Roman's voice got lower, breathier, and he took a step closer. There wasn't much room for more steps, actually— it was getting rather cramped up at this point. "But if there's anything you've wanted to try out, now's the time."
My breath hitched, hoping the thumping of my heart wasn't audible to him.
It was almost as though Roman could sense how nervous I was; he bent down a little, getting on my level before he whispered; "I won't tell Letha,"
Feeling his hot breath against my skin, how dangerously close he was, was almost too much for me. The way he said it made me even more conscious of what was happening; I hadn't even told Letha how crazy I was about Roman, and I knew she'd be against it.
However... I was being served my biggest dream on a platter. Maybe if I got this bit over with, my feelings would subside and go back to being purely hateful again?
I mustered up the courage, letting out a shaky breath before I opened my mouth to speak; "Could you maybe... kiss me?" My words came out barely louder than a whisper. "I've just had a really shitty night."
Roman's expression remained unchanged. "I'm sorry to hear that,"
"... No, you're not,"
"Okay, you might be right," He let out a soft laugh against my lips, and my eyes quickly darted down to his hands to check if he wasn't holding a needle or no. That was when I knew my anxiety was through the roof. "So... you want a kiss? That's all?"
This was too nerve-wracking. I kept imagining that he would say no, that he would reject me somehow and make me the only girl at school he wouldn't want to do anything with— that would definitely make me hate him even more. In a flash moment of weakness (which I later blamed the alcohol for), I sighed; "Just... could you? Or am I asking for too much?"
Something about Roman's expression changed— he seemed to realize what it was that I was actually asking of him. Not to make out, not to drown in one another, but the simplest of all things romance; affection. Something gentle, something sweet, just to check if he had a sliver of anything resembling that in his system.
"You like me, don't you?" Roman whispered, nudging his nose against mine, eyes rounding out as he heard my breath hitch at the simple gesture. "This is what all of this has been about?"
I closed my eyes, revelling in the feeling. It was the smallest thing, yet it was a comfort in the midst of the conversation. "All of what?"
"Your anger," Roman let out a sigh, connecting our foreheads, closing his eyes as well. "You can't stand that you like me, can you?"
For some reason, I felt the urge to cry overcome me— I spent a few seconds pressing down the stream of tears that threatened to surface. Having someone say it out loud felt like a desperately needed release. "It's been a nightmare,"
Roman stilled, eventually letting out a hum which sent a shiver down my spine. "You know nothing about nightmares," he breathed against my lips. "If I tell Letha we fucked in here, you'll be living through your worst one."
I shouldn't have been so shocked— I should've expected this. I should've known that Roman would spin this around on me. I definitely knew he wouldn't reciprocate, but this? What was it, revenge?
"I could make your every waking moment a living hell," he continued, his cold hands suddenly travelling up my body, gripping my waist with a grip I was afraid would bruise. "Letha would take my side, of course... Who else do you have but her, hm?"
I wanted to break out into tears, now grabbing at his hands. Almost panicked, I tried to get him off of me, but to no avail. "I'll leave you alone," I pleaded, finding his eyes.
"Nah, that's not what I want," I could see the sadistic satisfaction overcome him— I saw how he broke out into a wide grin at the sight of my glossy eyes. "How about we make a deal?"
Making a deal with the devil reincarnated? Very smart move, on my part. Fucking genius. "Okay?"
Roman hummed, his harsh grip around my waist releasing, allowing me to finally suck in a heave of air. Catching me off guard, he suddenly pressed his lips against my forehead with the softest touch I had ever felt— was he trying to throw me off course?
"Start being nice..." Roman murmured, his now hands drawing soothing circles onto my back. "And I will reward you."
I let out a shaky breath; I was thankful that the agreement didn't involve any needles. "... That's all?"
"That's all," Roman echoed, pulling away to watch my expression. "You and your mouth have been making my life hell, do you know that? So if you can calm the fuck down, we could both get what we want. How does that sounds?"
I wasn't completely sold. "And what is it that you think I want?"
Roman's eyes darkened; he knew he had won. "Me,"
Oh, how I hated him. I hated him, and I knew I always would. But as his lips ghosted over mine, seconds away from touching, I didn't stand a chance anymore when the following words sounded past his plush lips; "I have a feeling I might have to put you in your place a little, hm? Maybe you'd even want that? Because honestly, I know girls like you... You fight until your last breath, then you're completely in denial, and then you'll fall apart the minute you get what you've always wanted,"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this... me?
"And you've always wanted to be one of my girls, haven't you?" Roman leaned down, pressing a deadly soft kiss against my cheek which nearly took my breath away; I could feel him smirk against my skin. "Or maybe... the only one?"
At this point, I felt so broken down that I gave in to a nod.
Roman's hand slowly ghosted up my body until his fingers gently wrapped around my neck, holding me in place, almost as though he feared I would run; "I can arrange that, y'know?"
This conversation had unlocked a deep, dark part of me that I didn't know I had— like this, completely at his mercy, I had a feeling I was made to be his. Brainwashed. That I was put on this earth to find him and be with him, and that we were destined to be together. It made me feel so weak and pathetic that my lower lip eventually gave in to a quiver, feeling a sob build.
Roman let go of my neck, stroking his fingers through my hair. "Shh, no need for that... You're fine, you're okay. It's just me."
Just me. Just Roman. He who that had haunted my dreams for months, the only one I could think of when I got myself off, and the one I had been longing for from afar for so long that it turned into burning hate.
Roman must've felt like he was done torturing me, finally meeting my lips with the most gentle kiss I had ever shared. This was all I had ever wanted— he was right. My heart beat hard in my chest as I let myself melt against his dangerously soft lips.
I wanted to be his, no matter the cost. No matter what happened or what I had to sacrifice.
I loved Roman Godfrey.
... and I was sure of it now.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
Yes— This was right.
Of course.
I loved him.
I loved him, I loved him, God, how I loved him. With every fibre of my being, I loved him.
I loved the feeling of his body against mine, corrupting my mind until I was nothing but mindless. A small part of me also loved that it was our little secret, and ours only.
Letha didn't have a clue, of course— I had kept my act up quite well when I was around her. I had kept it up around everyone else as well, but the anger that was ravaging through my system, the hate that was burning me up from inside was currently being mended by one thing and one thing only;
"A-Aah—"
My fingers tangled into Roman's hair, feeling his bruising grip around my hips tighten as he fucked me into my mattress. I let out a small cry, feeling my legs starting to go numb after how long they had been thrown over his broad shoulders. Deep down, I didn't care— nothing could put out the angry fire in my soul like Roman did. Nothing was a better remedy than feeling his cock inside me, no matter what, when, or where.
I let out a gasp as Roman shifted, pulling me into his lap with ease. I couldn't feel my legs now, and I had a sense that he knew— he barely had to put any strength into moving me around, especially with how he was towering over me in general.
I let out a gasp as he sunk me down on his length, and I gripped his shoulders with a short squeak for support. Heavy breaths escaped my parted lips as I clung to him, whimpering at the feeling of his thick cock stroking my insides.
Roman seemed beyond content, gazing up at me with half-lidded eyes. He revelled in the sight of how ruined I was before he attached his soft lips to my collarbone to bring forth a hickey, humming. That was the one place we both knew Letha wouldn't see it, after all.
It was impossible not to submit to the devil reincarnated when sex could feel this good with him. It didn't matter that I had practically sold my soul for this, because every second, every stroke of his cock, was worth it.
"You're heaven," he murmured, lifting my hips and pushing himself further into me, taking more control. "You feel so... shit, this is heaven—"
Ironic.
And just as I felt my climax approaching, flashes of thoughts I had suppressed came crashing forward. No matter how nice all of this felt, I couldn't help but wonder how I had even agreed to any of this in the first place. But it wasn't like he had mind control powers, right? It wasn't like this was some sadistic ploy to seek revenge against all the times I had been a complete and utter bitch to him.
No— it couldn't be. Don't be ridiculous.
... Right?
#roman godfrey#hemlock grove#bill skarsgård#fanfiction#oneshot#roman godfrey x reader#bill skarsgard#fanfic#x reader#let's just say i'm happy i stuck w the original ending lol#i wrote this in the back of a car during a roadtrip and i felt angsty#that is so funny actually
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i've had constant aus and self-insert stories spinning around in my head for the past two months that i've been back into spn for, but i wasn't planning on doing anything more with them until i was browsing the fanart tags and discovered so many cool artists on here have been making spn ocs? it just never occurred to me that there would be any, let alone multiple, and to especially see ones being queer and trans made me really happy to see. so i took one of the too many different plots i'd been rotating in my head and made a little character out of it.
august north. he was killed by a demon when he was 26. his body was experimented on with the intent of creating an alternate long lasting vessel for lucifer. but a small amount of lucifer's grace bonded to august's body, reviving him as something not human, but not an angel. he meets the winchesters during season 4 of the show. he has some powers due to the archangel grace in him (healing factor, telekinesis) but it is not to the level of an archangel's power, possibly similar to regular angel's power or a bit less. he is a suitable alternate vessel for lucifer, if he were to say yes lucifer wouldn't burn through him like he does with nick. if lucifer's grace were to be removed from august's body then august would die, it is keeping him alive. the scar on his chest is from where lucifer's grace entered his body.
because of the whole 'boy with the devil's grace label' he ends up bonding a lot with sam, the two of them both being tied to lucifer through no choice of their own, and them both experiencing distrust and disgust from others because of this.
i really don't want any comments telling me that's not how angel grace works, i just liked the idea and it's my self-indulgent au. and august is entirely here for me to ship with lucifer so if that idea or lucifer in general makes you uncomfortable please just scroll on and don't judge me. i can't help falling back in love with this terrible archangel. i actually made a couple shrines on my website for sam and lucifer and boy i ended up writing way more about why i like them than i thought i would. the tldr is that i find things to relate to with lucifer in terms of the whole being cast out, family issues, being the black sheep of the family etc. and i find him fascinating, especially season 5 lucifer.
i'm not 100% sure on the storyline for august and lucifer, but lucifer does want to seek august out, partially because he's disgusted at a human having any of his grace, and partially because since sam is so hesitant to say yes it's nice for him to have this other option. i can imagine him visiting august in his dreams like he did with sam, trying to convince/manipulate him into saying yes, august not being bothered by his presence and instead feels drawn to him and ends up spending these dreams asking lucifer questions, and while lucifer is still trying to manipulate august into saying yes... he is lonely and this dead-alive human-angel boy is looking at him without disgust, isn't flinching when he touches him and he hasn't had anyone react like this to him in a long time and while he won't admit it a part of him is visiting august so often because out of all these hairless apes, this one isn't awful.
wow i wrote so much more than i meant too, oops. i guess that's good though, been a long while since i had an oc ramble this long.
[ID: a digital sketch page of my supernatural oc 'august north'. there's a half-body and full body drawing, with text around them. some of the text on the image i've already repeated in the text under the post but the rest reads: august north, supernatural oc, the boy with the devil's grace, pronouns: he/him, gender: trans man, height: 5'8", orientation: omnisexual, demisexual, demiromantic, nationality: english, occupation: hunter. august has pale brown curly hair that comes down to his collarbone in length, with a grey streak at the front right. he has two little braids going in front of each ear. in the half-body he's wearing a black coat, black long-sleeved shirt, a red bandana tied around his neck, white feather dangling earrings. in teh fullbody he's wearing black pants, black boots with spats over the top that look like little corsets, red with gold ribbon to lace them over the boots, a shirt button up that's unbuttoned and opened revealing the star shaped scar in between his pectorals from where lucifer's grace entered his body. he has two moles on his face, one under the outer corner of his right eye, one above the left side of his lip. his eyes are a blue-ish grey.]
#supernatural oc#spn oc#myart#mine#supernatural ocs#spn ocs#fandom ocs#fandom oc#supernatural#spn#did i ever make a tag for my ocs? i cant remmeber#oh! i did#my ocs#aa all the most recent things in it are others drawing my ocs for artfight#i have neglected my own oc tag#artists on tumblr#spn fanart#supernatural fanart
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Do you have any Erisol fanfic recommendations?
i can scrounge up a few!
come as you are by theressomanyusernames - humanstuck + college au, slowburn (46k, 2018, T)
theres a couple other erisol fanfics by this same author that i enjoy going back to as well, but this is the one that i can look at and go, "oh, yeah, no yeah, this writer had influences in how my headcanons evolved" lmfao. if your local legal drinking age is also +18, you can kind of let your eyes glaze over the underage drinking tag LOL
drafts by roundandtalented - humanstuck, established relationship (1.3k, 2015, G)
this one is just really a cute concept as a whole; i like going back to this to just get stupidly feet kick-y about the text drafts shown lmao. sollux isn't as entirely emotionally constipated as i like to read him being, but i can deal with it for a sappy fic like this <3
(don't) come home by halsey - humanstuck + college au (1k, 2020, T)
i keep coming back to this one because i happen to scroll past and go "oh yeah that one, that's fun and quick to read, ill look at it again" and then lowkey wish it was part of a multi-chapter fic lol
needed by roundandtalented - post-game + post-sprite, pale romance (2.6k, 2015, G)
one of the more prominent erisol fics that i think of when i think about pale depictions of them! simply fun when eridan is depicted as very caring lol
inconsequential august by avisceration - humanstuck (6.5k, 2013, T)
okay. if you've been reading up to this point going "well goddamn it cooper, i wanted awesome mature compelling fics that read like homestuck proper" idk man go read a urgaylol erisol fic. i skip sex scenes in erisol fics in particular so i dont know what you expect from me lmao. anyways. if you feel compelled to read something where eridan and sollux are repressed crass teen assholes who mention something sexful for the bit every other minute, i sometimes go back to this one to chuckle about the "grade-A dicks" joke
dreaming in binary by blacksparrow - no sgrub session au, helmsman sollux (51k, 2013, T)
its been about three years since ive read this one tbh! its probably for the better, its absolutely one of those fics i could binge in one day and get the bingereader's fatigue after, considering how good i remember it being. one thing i remember is REALLY being compelled by sollux's internalized ableism he expresses in particular in this fic. ill have to read it in full again sometime! i know a couple other people have been recommending it lately too lol
besides those, suppose i could also suggest looking through my own erisol fics of various qualities from the past four years if you havent looked already, i don't necessarily have any in particular i'd point out over the rest these days lmao
#tmos opens mail#erisol#tbh i need to write more erisol fics. the 13 i've posted make me feel like ive gained artistic growth since then lol#+ im slowly getting more comfortable using topics that might actually warrant a soft mature rating. mostly mental health wise lmao#anyways. hope you find one you like in this list anon! and hopefully i havent somehow rec'd several fics you've already read LOL
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Just finished e1 and they are most definitely That couple (pda). And I can't imagine it'll get any less with them not being able to meet each other outside of school now 😅
#yr s3 spoilers#I hope people have that filtered. I think that's the one I've seen used most?#I am feeling many emotions#But this was easy to comment on lol#Oh Sara#Oh Simon#Oh wille#Oh felice#August.. I have feelings about you too...#But still don't like him#All the others I want to give a hug like they need it#Yr s3e1#yr thoughts#sayingthing
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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If half alive has 1000 fans I am one of them. If half alive has 1 fan, I am that fan
#text#august rambles#this is brought to you by seeing someone's review for them. and saying they didn't like the ep because it was standard#and that now not yet was better but had a bunch of poor songs. some of them bad#they even said still feel wasn't good because it was appealing too much to 'teen angst'#anyway i couldn't read the rest i had to leave#it was too painful i like the music too much we viewed it from different standpoints ack#i see a lot of people saying half alive is knock off twenty one pilots and like i see what they're saying. they are similar but#why does that mean its a knock off. what if they are just similar. half alive is clearly doing they're own thing. they're not copying them#maybe. that is just what that band is good at doing! the same as twenty one pilots. just cuz twenty one pilots came first doesn't mean#they own the scene. (you can argue they're better at they're music but if you're gonna do that make sure you're comparing the early stuff)#anyway rant about this because. i really like half alive and just dsbkncjnvb you don't need to be a fan#you don't need to think they're awesome. you can have an opinion outside of mine#but please be nice. and remember. it's Your opinion it's not Truth. if you don't like the song. you don't like it#if you think the repetition is boring. its not for you. if the 'angst' is stupid. its not for you. if the song doesn't hold weight.#it's not for you. the artist wrote this. and worked with other people to publish it#clearly they cared and other people saw worth in it. and like!! the fact that they're not big name also means they Can't get away with like#stupid filler stuff. they don't have enough of a name they gotta impress#idk i care too much. i see things like this and im just. ugh. it feels pretentious#half alive
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Things To Make August (the Month of Existential Dread) Bearable
Pray. A lot.
Plan little summer adventures.
Write a fun little retelling (and hopefully finish it).
Read an Elizabeth Goudge book (Book 3 of the Elliot trilogy seems right, because Book 2 is coming to mind a lot as an appropriate summer book).
Remember that sunflowers exist. Find lots of them.
#random thought of the day#i had considered canceling august#just denying its existence and pretending it's july ii#because the whole month always feels like living beneath a guillotine blade that's about to drop#a downhill from summer and a dread of autumn and nothing actually good in and of itself#except for maybe sunsets when the melancholy at least feels a little right#but i've decided to embrace it and maybe find a better atmosphere for it#(yes i do have a specific retelling in mind)#(if you've been following the writing blog you know which one it is)#(but i'm not naming it because saying it aloud puts too much pressure on it)#(and this is supposed to be a pressure-free fun project)#(plus i recognize that i've not yet reached the one week mark)#(where i lose interest in most fun new projects)#(so i acknowledge the likelihood that in like 2-3 days i'll no longer want to write it)#(but for now i hold onto hope and think it has just the right vibe to make august something better)
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don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (i miss you, miss you)
#cyberpunk 2077#v cyberpunk#male v#cyberpunk 2077 fanart#LOOK AT MY V BOY!#makes the hit 2003 song 'i miss you' by blink-182 about silverv . to me. in my mind#anyways i went temperance :) everyone say hi to v/iris (he/they/whatever)#it was gonna have johnny there too but he got scrapped early......turned into a portrait instead#would you believe i havent finished art since august? bc i was feeling it . i did this differently than ive EVER before#i might upload the process later bc its so. why did i do that#rook.jpeg
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i am freeeeeeeee [collapses into a pile of dust]
#the last hour went okay bc we were just playing a card game and doing gifts/cards phew#also i found out theyre celebrating my bday on... august 25th? hewwo?? they didn't tell me until now 😭😭#my sister will be back at uni in sept and my parents are leaving on a trip the first day of sept so i'll be alone again for it fsdjkl#which. mixed feelings about that. i won't have to be afraid of them interacting w me but also :'( a little sad to be home alone for it#for the third year in a row fsjdkl#OH WELL. i should just be grateful tbh fdsjkl#the one thing i'm very sad about though is i can't go upstairs anymore bc the new security system has motion detectors#last year i watched jerma on the TV up there and sat on the comfy chairs... it was so fun fdsjkl. can't do that this year though AUGH#alas!!! i will somehow make it fun anyways maybe i will just ask if i can use the oven so i can make myself a cake again this year#SORRY FOR PERSONAL POSTING SO MUCH TONIGHT BTW. its been rough this evening fsdjkl but im going to go draw now :3#dandy.cmd#vent //#ALSO CONGRATS TO ME FOR BEING RLY QUIET AND AGREEABLE AND NOT ADDING ANYTHING NEW TO CONVOS HURRAY#finally i have gone back to highschool me thank GOD i've gotten too comfortable having opinions around them since i graduated fdsjkl#being around people (in the workplace and going to a counselor) who treat you like a Real Human Person will do that! wow!#abuse cw
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Zack's Basic Info
As seems to be a recent theme with me, I really struggled coming up with faceclaims for Zack. I think Chosen Jacobs (first pic) is the one that feels the most right in my head, but I could see the others (Miles Brown, Noah Gray-Cabey and Jaden Smith) all working well in their own ways too. No one else seemed to be able to get that mischievous grin of his right lol.
Name: Zackary Ghalen Davis - his mom named him Ghalen, meaning calm in Ghanaian, because he was such an easy, quiet baby. But then he learned how to speak and she's never had a moment of peace since.
Nicknames: He pretty much solely goes by Zack. He'll occasionally get a (very cringeworthy) 'Zacky boy' from his dad, and, in the very few interactions he's had with Ethan, he's had 'Zack-attack'. But 99.9% of the time it's just Zack.
Age: 14
Date of Birth: 30th of November
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Birthstone: Topaz
Nationality: American, Ghanaian and Greek
Sexuality: Straight
Birthplace: St Anthony's Hospital, St Petersburg, Florida
Current Residence: Pelican Drive South, St Petersburg, Florida
Occupation: Middle school student and a newspaper delivery boy
Talents/Skills: Karate, basketball, having insanely good aim (not used for many things thus far in life other than crushing at paper football games in class), never failing to make his friends (especially Bentley) laugh, packing away ungodly amounts of food (his portions are HUGE if he has any control over it), and knowing many, many random facts, mostly about dinosaurs
Birth Order: Middle of 3
Siblings: Jordin Nicole Davis (17) and Angelo Cameron Davis (9)
Parents: Jamal Dimitri Davis and Effia Morowa Davis
Signature:
Height: 5' 10'' when he's fully grown, but 5' 4'' for now.
Race: African American
Eye Colour: Dark brown
Hair Colour: Dark brown
Glasses or Contact Lenses: Neither
Distinguishing Features: He's almost always got some sort of pen ink on his hands where he's scribbled something down he needed to remember, a weird little squishy lump of skin from where his stitches didn't heal properly after he fell off a skate ramp and took a gnarly chunk out of his knee, and a slightly chipped front tooth from that very same incident.
Mannerisms: Compulsively needs to fill silences with senseless ramblings, unbelievably loud snoring, cracks his knuckles at every available opportunity, and almost always stands with his hands in his pockets.
Health: He’s lactose-intolerant but he does not give a fuckkkkkk lmao - if anything, it just encourages him to eat more dairy. But besides that, nothing really, he's pretty healthy. His mom wouldn't hesitate to (lovingly) diagnose him as a lazy-ass though - and she'd probably pull him up on his terrible posture whilst she’s at it.
Hobbies: Skateboarding, karate, picking arguments with Kona, binge watching horror movies, eating through entire family size bags of chips in one sitting, collecting random stickers (which he covers like 90% of his belongings with), and wasting all his allowance at the arcade.
Greatest Flaw (in their opinion): How argumentative he is. He has very strong opinions and is super strong-willed, which can be a good thing, but can also make things really difficult when he runs into someone who disagrees with him. He can take it really personally and get really fired up, even if it's not that big of a deal, just because it's hard to process other people's views. Sometimes he doesn't even care what it is he's arguing about; sometimes he just likes playing devil's advocate because he likes to debate with people. His mom always pulls him up on it though, because sometimes his enthusiasm for challenging others can come across as rude, which is never usually his intention.
Best Quality (in their opinion): His passion. Even though it can land him in trouble sometimes, and brings out his biggest flaw, he is proud of how much he dedicates himself to the things he believes in. He never half-asses things he cares about, he'll put his all into it no matter what. And that extends to his relationships too - he'll stick by his friends through anything, and will defend them until he's blue in the face if he has to. He can be perceived as lazy because of how laidback he seems, and can be lazy when he wants to, but if he wants to do something, whether that's for himself, or for someone he cares about, he won't be able to focus on anything else until it's done.
Biggest Fear: Dying. One of his cousins died in their teens and the shockwave of grief it sent through his whole family really freaked him out. He wasn't necessarily super close with the guy, but he'd spent a fair amount of time with him at family gatherings growing up, so the abruptness of his death really shook him up and changed his whole perspective on life. He very much adopted that 'needs to live life to the fullest' mindset, which is probably why he can come across as a little overbearing and intense sometimes. And he can act rather impulsively, but he'd rather that be the case than living with regrets if that looming cloud of grief were to come and swallow him whole again.
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor
Favourite Ice Cream Flavour: Rocky Road
Favourite Colour: Red
Favourite Number: 3 - one of the many reasons as to why the triceratops is his favourite dinosaur
Favourite Movies: Nightmare on Elm Street, The Karate Kid, or The War of The Worlds (yes, he and August geek out over it together, and yes, it's adorable)
Favourite Songs: You Should Be Dancing by the Bee Gees, School's Out by Alice Cooper, It's My Life by Bon Jovi, and One Love by Bob Marley
A place they want to visit: Egypt, he's got a real fascination with the Great Pyramids so he'd love to be able to see them in real life.
#ngl I felt a little apprehensive going into this#because i have ideas of zack and august as secondary characters#but i haven't thought about them in detail like i would with my more primary characters#but doing this for them was sooooo much fun!#and i feel like i have a much clearer idea of who they are in my head now - which is always a good thing lol#and - like with when i did ethan's - i feel like i've developed a whole new attachment to them too#my sweet dorky boys 🥲#hopefully this was able to give you a bit more of an insight into their characters though!
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Omg why do they look like that <3
#they’re in video game form!!! in fuckin December dude that’s soon#Irene’s slutty little sit on top of a random rock formation <3#should I be mad that Dimaria is canonically in the wrong outfit here or should I just move on#should I tag anything#I’m mostly shouting into the void#spriggan 12#that’ll do#the pose that larcade is doing feels so out of place and I’m kind of obsessed#serena convinced him to do that for sure#everything about this image… it’s so perfect#in like the weirdest worst way it’s so perfect#i guess I have to play this video game. i feel obligated#even though I think you have to beat up all of the 12…#omg do you think Irene could kill me 😳#anyway. might delete this later. just needed to share#wait one more thing did Invel’s hair get DARKER?? might just be the lighting but that poor man#wait one more OTHER thing August is wrong too!! weird#he’s not in his power up mode
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Oh well thanks mom that totally made my mood better. /sarc
#i know i started this school shit back in august and im only on lesson 2 for most of my shit. i know im going to fail everything next year.#you dont have to bring it up every single fucking day. i know im not doing anything about it. but i want you to know that it makes me spira#every time i open the laptop. it feels like im barely even alive sometimes#the internet is my only safe space where i can talk about everything going on. i cant believe i dont feel safe to talk about everything#ive self diagnosed myself with to my own parents. i cant keep fucking doing this anymore i just want to feel normal#not so silly sillytalking#tw vent#vent#sorry for the rant in the tags#i just dont feel too well about stuff right now. sorry#edit: it probably sounds like im being over dramatic. whoops.
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so Apparently a game i was running on my computer (without a cooler thing for a good minute there, because i guess i thought i was invulnerable to heat) may or may not have burnt out some parts of my machine. and it's been a couple months since i've played it bc it just stopped working one day and i just had to accept that lmao- but anyway i'm booting the game up again today, Surely this will go differently :3
#just me hi#so Apparently my 'computer has a specific problem with overheating and burning out the processor parts. and it's getting updated in the#middle of august'#well dude that would have been fantastic to know 5 months ago when i was running a game i don't even have enough vram to play !! ljfvsfj#rip boopbedoop i had no idea you were suffering so hard fghsfh <//3#but also. i have been pining. open my app. lfjshfv#//also man it's Cold in here#well. okay maybe not Cold but i'm chilly ! ! i'm chilly man lol#but what if i get too hot in a little bit...#the considerations we must deal with hfsh#//oh yea anyway if the game (de2tiny 2. idk why i just keep calling it 'the game' like i'm trapped in a simulation Lmao) doesn't work i'm#prolly gonna catch up on omn1scient.r.v :3#yee !!#and then maybe doodle some more bl.s chapter stuff.. who knows !! :>#//oh i definitely want to make rootbeer floats today for Sure#last tuesday was national rootbeer flat day.. we've missed a momentous occasion guys#there is next year !! maybe i'll catch it then :D#yyeeea.. i should put down a reminder.. hfsh#/i left for 5 minutes rn Uh#why can i not use my calendar without linking to microsoft and then feeling lightly threatened when they ask to link w/ my gmail and say#'we'll be allowed to wipe your Email and your Drive and your Notes and we're Downloading Your Birthday'#girl help they want to steal my birthday#anyway i'm not doing that. no rootbeet float remidners for me then#wait.. i frogot about scheduled posts#i'm gonna go do that !! next year... >:3#//alright so going to go about my things.. toobles ~+~
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#biggest mental health flop year in fucking forever. aghh.#whatever. gonna pack my suitcase tomorrow and get ready for my flight on monday#really hoping I can get sucked into the holiday and pull myself out of this state#at least I may have found a new flatmate#and as for a job....hopefully I can find a new contract position by the end of August 🙏#i spend so much of my life trying to keep myself level and there are just too many things up in the air for me to completely relax#like genuinely i have barely thought about blorbos sneezing all day. how fucked up is THAT#i'll be fine though! bad feelings are temporary etc etc ✨️#i really hope you guys are having a better time than me rn 🥲💕#nttalks
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Dude ur cosplays are genuinely so good 😭. I don't think I could cosplay anyone from RGG because I look too fem for it, but you're killing it!
AW thanks fam that means a lot :']] tbh if you really want to cosplay a character, you should go for it! even if you dont plan to go anywhere or do anything crazy, even just putting on the outfits is pretty fun :]
#snap chats#tbh ive never been super happy about doing cosplays cause i always felt like my face and whatnot never fit the charas i wanted to cosplay#though for me i just accepted that My Face And My Body is My Face And My Body and i didnt want those to stop me from cosplayin#cause it is fun to just dress up as a chara- its esp fun goin to cons and gettin recognized. once in a blue moon VLKAEVCJAELK#im too dicked to put make up on too but its so worth it .. it really does help if you feel your face isnt facing yk what i mean#like fuck man ig they were onto somethign with making make up#tbh whenever i feel awkward bout cosplaying i remind myself its just for fun and im not trying to do anything professional#i also remember this one jp girl who cosplayed mr satan from db and like. it was astounding to say the least#yk just tellin myself You Can Do What You Want Dont Worry About This Or That. easier said than done i know JVLKJVKLA#BUT baby steps. all of this said and done i cant wait to actually properly show my daigo and mine cosplays aka include my face#i have to make a silly post around convention time cause i still dont know who to go as so ima need audience input ig💀💀#see now i wanna test wear my daigo stuff again ..#i dont think ill go to animenyc as aoki but idk if ill go as chairman either and if i do do i want to grow my hair out for that ?#my hair's already almost at that point but. //shrug// i have until the end of august LOL#anyways. enough cosplay prattle from me LAKJLVKAJ i enjoy it too much <- take note of the ninety rgg outfits in my closet
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