#i might upload the process later bc its so. why did i do that

[acoolmetalfire]

don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head (i miss you, miss you)

[michelemoutons]

and at last, the post that maybe three people maximum have been waiting for...

em's comfort retro rally videos: a masterlist!

in a much-needed return to this blog's roots, and as an antidote to all motorsport- and life-related chaos, i now present to you: the first edition of em's favorite retro rally videos!

general disclaimer/info: these videos mainly come from the group B era of the world rally championship (wrc), which generally speaking was in the '80s. i am only human, so expect a lot of bias toward my personal favorites...which will become very apparent as you read this list hehe. also i'm not even gonna pretend to be an expert on this or anything. a lot of these are literally just based on Vibes

table of contents

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

mainly coverage for television, recorded on VHS and uploaded to YouTube by some truly incredible people

ii. honorable mentions

not rally coverage, but retro rally videos nevertheless

often documentaries, mini-doc features, interviews

for all videos, i have indicated the language (most are in english fyi); if any links fail or videos disappear, send me an ask or DM and i'll remove the culprit/find an alternative link.

and now, onward!

(TW for occasional flash photography in many of the night sequences of the videos, as well as a gif included in this post)

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

in which my bias toward audi sport, mouton/pons, mikkola, toivonen, and vatanen are put on blast for all to see 🥴 i am not an expert in anything i am just very good at research and a whore for aud—[SNIPED]. for the sake of brevity, i narrowed my favorites down to 5. maybe another time i will share all the rest!

also, a general note about the commentary: sometimes, the commentary around michèle and fabrizia can get... weird. keep in mind, they were the most prominent female team partnership around that time, and the first to nearly clinch a wrc wdc, and to modern ears, the commentators really didn't know how to act around them. personally, it wasn't horrible for me, i just ignored the weirder bits, but i understand if others might find it off-putting. also for the sake of your sanity don't read the comments.

5. Rally of the 1000 Lakes, 1984 | finland

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/alén/toivonen (full final results)

comments: this was definitely a rally for most of audi sport's drivers to forget: bar stig blomqvist, who came quite close to the podium finishers with a 4:14:01 to henri toivonen's 4:12:57! both hannu mikkola and michèle mouton had to retire from the race, which may lead you to wonder: why does this rank among my favorites? well, it's always fun to watch group b rally cars sailing through the air against picturesque scenery, and this video also contains an intriguing (at least for me!) look at the scrutineering process, with drivers at their most casual.

owie :( they were fine though!

4. Lombard RAC Rally, 1981 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/vatanen/blomqvist (full final results)

comments: hannu winning by 11 whole minutes even after rolling his car in the middle of the forest is actual legend behavior! anyway this was michèle's first wrc outing in britain, and even though she and fabrizia had to retire, they still did quite well, consistently running high in the leaderboards after the first few stages. and that's considering the fact that michèle had a bad cold for much of the rally and had to ask fabrizia to drive the car to service park for her at one point bc she was so tired. which fabrizia did... with a pencil in her mouth. lot of big names in one video—also, jean todt makes an appearance as a co-driver!

shamelessly poached off of one of my text post edits

3. Marlboro Safari Rally, 1983 | kenya

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/mikkola/mouton (full final results)

comments: ok can i just say how stunning the video presentation is?? the opening sequence is just!!! the shots of the wildlife! the sprinting giraffes! wow! anyway the visual of drivers in deck chairs just tickles me for no reason, and michèle please tell me what you ask for at the hairdresser's and also where you got that orange blouse (this is obviously not just specific to this rally, she always eats and leaves no crumbs). this was michèle's first entry and only finish in kenya (and of course it was a podium mwah). it was also her last wrc entry in the A1 quattro, as she switched to the A2 for the rest of her program in the '83 season. also this is one of my favorite podium pictures ever.

lksdjffnnkd there's almost too much to unpack... fabrizia somehow surviving in high waist jeans in a hot car... michèle's do-it-yourself shorts... this podium picture was the subject of a very frantic video chat conversation between myself and a friend at 2am a few months ago

2. Rallye de Portugal, 1982 | portugal

links: short recap (eng) | overall coverage 1, stuck in the middle of two other rallies. timestamps in descrip. (eng) | overall coverage 2, very vibey with cool music (ita... also peep walter röhrl speaking italian)

podium: mouton/eklund/wittmann (full final results)

comments: GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AAAA! michèle's first podium of '82 being a win? this rally being the one where there's footage of her going shopping with fabrizia afterward? (more on that later) them winning by 13 whole minutes? and that's not even considering THEE most poetic victory ceremony of all time! in fact let me talk about that bc the racing and the win aside, that's why it's so high up on my list! literally poetic cinema! it's night, they're standing on top of the car and floodlit and surrounded by cheering crowds but they may as well be the only ones there in their own little world, laughing at each other and barely even having to look to each other when they're raising their hands—like god! shut up! we get it you're besties 😭

i_just_think_theyre_neat.png

and now... last but certainly never least...

1. Lombard RAC Rally, 1982 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/mouton/toivonen (full final results)

comments: firstly, if you were to ask me about my dream podium, this would be it. hands down, across all series of motorsport, my comfort podium would be hannu, michèle, and henri in any order. (there's such a cute picture of them from this rally on pinterest, standing in order on a staircase. henri is not looking at the camera because he is laughing at something michèle is saying and it's such a Vibe but i cannot find it wah). the battle for second between michèle and henri ran down to literally the last stage, and their times are separated by seconds, which is just wild to me. the context of this rally deserves another post, which i honestly don’t have the energy to make rn, but just take my word for it that it threatens to destroy me if i think about it too hard! anyway this is just such an awesome rally and i’ve watched this video so many times haha

i love this rally so much that i actually had a character in a story i was writing attend the ceremony captured in this picture as a small child and made it a formative moment in her life. no, there is nothing wrong with me.

ii. honorable mentions

(is it obvious who my faves are? yikes)

'Group B - Avec Michele Mouton' (eng) - taken from a longer feature presentation about group b, a segment specifically about michèle. a friend once described its vibes as ‘a synth wave edit of an 80s anime set in a cyberpunk world about racing’

'1983 Audi Sport National Rally with Michele Mouton' (eng) - in which michèle takes journalist sue baker as a co-driver for a spin in an A1 and a rally win. fun behind-the-scenes video

'Intervista a Fabrizia Pons, la Regina delle Note' 1, 2, 3 (ita) - very thorough interview which is mostly fabrizia telling all sorts of stories, including the very entertaining story of how she found out she was going to be michèle’s co-driver. also what a badass title

'2008 Otago International Classic Rally' (eng) - THE BESTIES REUNITE THE BESTIES REUNITE!!! michèle and fabrizia reunite for a rally that fabrizia convinced michèle to join, they suffer some problems but there are plenty of wholesome bestie moments to be had

'Michele Mouton hurls Group B Audi Quattro up Goodwood hill' (eng) - i mean, self explanatory. the sound of the chirping tires? asmr could never. very short watch if you want a quick pick-me-up

'1990 Louise Aitken-Walker feature' (eng) - a video featuring a female rally driver from scotland and her point-scoring run at the rallye monte -carlo. i am convinced that louise was john finnemore’s inspiration or at least an influence for the character of linda fairbairn. no my hat is not made of tin foil what are you talking about

hannu rocketing around michigan back in 2017 (eng)

hannu flying around goodwood in 2015 (eng)

sometimes i listen to fabrizia's recent onboards (yes, she's still at it!) and this one is one of my favorites, from 2016 (ita)

[fizzypunks]

Bad Timing

fandom: My Hero Academia/ Boku No Hero Academia word count: 5k rating: T (cannon description of violence) summary: Shouta has to handle the aftermath of the Nomu attack, and Hizashi has very bad (or good) timing

ship: earsermic

AO3

note: best viewed on Archive bc it keeps the formatting like itallics!

___

The day was finally at its end – the sun set in slats across the teachers lounge, and it was 3:55, when most people were leaving or gathering their lives up in a rush to get home. They’d all already left, urgently trying to beat traffic and make their way to whatever Friday plans they had in store.

 Aizawa didn’t have Friday plans – instead of unceremoniously rushing to get home for the weekend, or go drinking to relieve stress, he was instead sitting on the couch. He didn’t have lessons or binders around him, having freed one hand to take out his phone and flip through his lessons that Hizashi kindly spent the time uploading for him.

 The screen was bright and blaring and bled color into color into color – it was hard to look at for too long, but it was the only compromise he could make with his body when it came to improvised lesson plans. He’d type it up, with his one hand, a letter at a time, while his body healed enough for him to do better.

  This is what it is, no use complaining. Just get it done.

 The ache in his eyes he could deal with – he’d be disappointed in himself if he wasn’t used to it at his age, and he’d made peace with the eye strain and pain and dryness and anything else that was unpleasant about his quirk. His body, however, was a new story. It ached in a way he never experienced in his life, deep to the bone and then, maybe, even deeper – not a movement existed that didn’t somehow remind him of his body, his mortality, and it’s still a wonder he even survived.

 He stopped asking questions like  how  a long time ago, though, and he didn’t dare start now. All it did was drive him into crazy circles of  what ifs , dead ending in worse case scenarios that were a half inch away from coming to be…

 This new burn, this new hurt – it conjured with it the same image – or maybe it was muscle memory – of painful blood splatter in his eyesight. With it came a reel of other horrifics images and feelings and sensations that might have been if… 

  It doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant...

 When he told his class that it didn’t matter that he was teaching, he meant it. It wasn’t what he wanted, but since when did he ever get what he wanted? It’s hero work, and educational duties don’t take a break just because he  broke  ; they never permitted a break because he  wanted  and  wished.  

 He broke. Plain, simple – no explanation necessary. That’s a world he’s unfortunate enough to live in, so he grits his teeth and bears it.

It’s all Shouta can do. Bear it, heal as best he can, move on – think about it less and less until it’s just another frame on the wall of memories that like to bug him at night, those few rare ones that let him rest and dream.

  Bear it. It didn’t kill you, so bear it.

 Still, in the middle of the day, after teaching and improvising and making himself stand upright like he didn’t want to bury himself in sheets, it was a  weird  sensation. Living through something that almost took his life in the most violent, frightening way possible, all for his kids. He didn’t think this time around, with the mending and the processing and the eventual moving on, would feel so…

 Off? Like a buzz on his skin, like time was shifted just a second ahead and he was playing catch up. He didn’t know the right words, couldn’t even explain to himself the things that he was feeling. He finally settled calling it  weird.  Whatever that meant.

 He’d dealt with trauma before, too – but this breed of unease was new, even to him and his seasoned career.

 The room was silent, but it felt louder than ever, and his screen had timed out when he realized he’d been staring dryly into it without doing anything.

 He refreshed the screen with his thumb, lights bright and vivid again like a train at the end of a tunnel.

 He’s stopped regretting his choices, he’s stopped wallowing because after two or three close calls with death, it gets a bit old – but god does he want to wallow  now . Now that his body was broken and every movement felt like shattered glass in a windshield, disturbed with every movement but, at least, mercilessly, held together by…

  What?

 Sheer force of will – he was certain that’s what it was. It wasn’t desire or hope, it wasn’t any positive or cheerful motto – he had time for those later, for now…

 He groaned, the weight of his eyes and body finally coaxing a response from him that wasn’t dead. Responses that were complete opposites from that which he always told his peers when they stopped him in the halls or at the end of lectures.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “It doesn’t matter, now if you wouldn’t mind, I have a class to teach.”

 It’s placating, it’s time-buying – other heroes know the drill, so they don’t argue with him too much – they just insist, and hope, that he listens enough to at least  rest . He always wanted to sleep, right? He had that stupid sleep disorder that always begs for him to rest his head for just a moment, so why not indulge it now?

 He blinked against it – he really did need to sleep, but the screen in his shaking fingers showed that he had plans to finalize, and a fresh round of essay to grade that  needed  to be graded by the next day.

  So  much was behind as is – the last essay, the last score for ethics lecture to be dealt out, a new plan for the upcoming week that adjusts for his kids and the stress they just underwent – no, hero work doesn’t forgive very much, and Aizawa would never tell them that he was giving them a break, but he was going to do exactly that and take off a few quizzes to lighten the load…

 Shouta leaned back against the sofa, and it wasn’t too soft and without structure, that it actually  did  do some good for him. He tilted his head back, too, and felt brief relief in the way his head didn’t feel like lobbing off like a hammer to the side of a statue’s temple.

 He sighed, and leaned into it, the slightest bit of relief he was able to find.

 The one think he was grateful for was that today was better than the beginning of the week. He had a long way to go, but thankfully some of the bandages could be taken off yesterday and today was his first day of being able to fully see – his face was freed, his shoulders lightened and only wrapped with a few white wraps – but it was still a struggle with his arms, his hands – the most damaged parts of his body that were trudging along…

  This is unbearable .

 But he will bear it. 

 But, right now, he will not bear it well. Like he broke under the hand of the Nomu, he was breaking again now and nothing was capable of stopping that.

 He took in a deep breath, and held it just because it felt good to feel so full. He held it and waited.

  This is going to be interesting.

 His breath was waning, it’s time slowly slipping by, expiring.

  This is going to hurt.

 His lungs were wrapped around empty air.

  Bad .

 He still didn’t let go, even when it ached. He didn’t know if he wanted to, but the red-blackness of his eyelids and the sting in him was a comfortable pain he knew he could release, if he wanted.

 Then, finally, he did want, and he let go, shoulders slumping with a harsh exhale.

 He opened his eyes to a slit, and saw the sun spots on the ceiling had grown longer. Golden, mingling, patient – he’d stared at them so many times before, grown bored of them between grading and impatience, but now they were a comfort.

 Familiar monotony and boredom. It seems that being bored was not always a bad thing, after all.

 Early in his career, this might have killed his spirit. His spirit, however, was put back together so many times, and damaged so cruelly and spitefully, that he at least felt some sort of partial happiness knowing it wasn’t possible to batter his spirit any more. It was impossible.

 It’s reached its limit years ago, what’s a new bruise on top of the rest?

 A sound like shuffling, quiet but distinct, came from behind him – clothes rustling, a distinct stiff sound, all quietly entering from behind; and it was intentional movement, Shouta knew.

 His instincts never dulled, even under mountains of bandages. “Hizashi. What are you still doing here?”

 His laugh – the one he would never admit to loving so deeply– was soft behind him, closer this time. “Gee, how’d ya know it was  me ?”

 Shouta wished he could shrug, and instead returned his eyes back to their resting state and closed them lightly. “ Gee  , how’d you learn to be quiet? Or, at least,  try  to be.”

 Soft brushing, padding of feet, the ridiculous squeak of leather – Hizashi walked around the couch and when Shouta felt the dip in the seat beside him, a little too close to him, he chuckled. “It’s hard to be, man – you know I’m stuck with my costume! On the clock, I’m Present Mic!”

 “I was talking about your mouth, but sure – that too.”

 Another laugh came, and it was just as warm and full and bright. Shouta guarded his expression at the sound, because it was too pleasant and he hurt too much to not indulge the pleasant things whenever they  did come. 

 But Mic isn’t Hizashi, and he’s more quiet now, between the two of them. Like he was in hours after sparring through out their friendships and careers, like lazy drawls in the morning when they passed each other, one waking up and one going to bed after a patrol. Quiet and in tune, in a way so few really understood.

 That was the part of Hizashi that no one really gets to see – the way he knew silence and patience that would put his hero and radio personality at odds if the public really got to see it. He was calm and reserved and knew which silences and calms to lean into, which ones to sit with, which ones were the  important  ones...

 He knew it right now, which was why he wasn’t on the limits of his own energy, like a battery fed into itself – a never ending feed that could go forever, Shouta thought time and time again. And his comfort in his quirk made it all too easy to emote and exaggerate and be  too  much for Shouta at times.

 Fragile times, like when his mind was barely glued to the body that was just as fractured and splintering around the edges as his spirit.

 “My, you think so lowly of me, Shouta.”

 “Just being logical. You’re louder more often than not, after all,” he said, and they both knew it was a joking lie. It’s the closest Shouta gets to a joke, anyways.

 The silence returned, and Shouta felt the burning questions in the warm body beside him – too close and yet, not really close enough – within arms length, but not within arms...

 But Hizashi is never one for mincing words or running from questions. “How you doing, Shou?”

 Shouta grunted. “Fine.”

 “No, no, no, no – I’ve heard you say that all week and, well, it’s crazy to think you’d be okay! I want to know  how you’re doing. ”

 “Hizashi, do me a favor. Be polite and just take the answer.”

 “No,” and the response was so fast, and sounded so bratty, Shouta was tempted to open his eyes and tilt his head to the right – to see if he was as close as he thought he was, if his hair was falling, if he’d taken off his orange tints and was looking at him with those stupid pup eyes.

 He didn’t, though.

 “What do you want me to say?” He finally said, quietly – maybe Hizashi wouldn’t hear him if he spoke quietly enough. “Obviously, I’m not fine.”

 “I know that, and –”

 “And it doesn’t matter. So, with that in mind,” and he did open his eyes this time – they stung fresh again, and he blinked, and he turned his head just slightly enough to change his eyes' direction. They stayed fixed in the ceiling, on the honey the sun was spilling, and he said, “I’m fine.”

 “Come on, Shou... “

 “It’s just…”

 Hizashi sighed. “Could you… at least  try  to take time off or stop studies or  something ? I can’t stand – “ and here he goes, he was too emotional –

  So annoying.

 His voice always shook when he was sad, when he was pretending like he wasn’t going to cry.

  So sweet.

 “ – I can’t stand  this. ”

  You and me both.

 It never really did any good to cut off Hizashi, and Shouta hates doing it any way. So he didn’t even attempt it. He knew he needed to say what he was saying, to be heard and unburden himself of the fears living in him. He didn’t really have the chance before, and it wasn’t fair to take it from him now. Shouta didn’t have the energy to deny him any of that, anyway, so his eyes shifted to the crease in the ceiling, the border between it and the wall, and just listened.

 “Shouta, you were almost killed – it’s… it’s so bad, this time – I’ve patched you up so many times and there wasn’t anything I could have ever done about  this , and I want you to stop trying to ignore it. You don’t have to be a hero all the time.”

 Shouta couldn’t help the scoff, and it stopped Hizashi for just a moment.  “Of course I do.”

 He was so bitter, he could taste it like the lingering flavor of cold coffee.

 “You literally don’t –”

 “Hizashi… I don’t have the energy for this.”

 “That’s my  point , Shouta! You can’t –”

 “Can’t do my job? Give me a better argument next time, Hizashi.”

 For whatever reason, that was enough to shut him up. Shouta didn’t want to, but his headache was too strong and his friend’s concern was too soft and he was just a broken vase – hairline cracks that got too big too fast and now shattered at the foundation – unable to hold onto any of it let any of it fill him, so why even try to touch it?

 Hizashi does a lot of things loudly, even when he tries not to – it’s a side effect of being the Voice Hero, a natural course of events that would, rationally, lead him to be a vocal and expressive person. He’s sniffling and trying to stop it, trying to reel himself in, and Shouta sighs again, because the Voice Hero shouldn’t be trying to reel himself in at all.

 This isn’t what he wanted.

 He truthfully didn’t want to be in this position at all, but he’d remembered that he never wanted to spend his time  wishing  , so he didn’t wish – he couldn’t  fix  that, or the way Hizashi was hurting for him. But, he could fix…

 Whatever this was.

 “Hizashi.”

 The sniffling stopped for a second, enough for it to be masked in a, “... what, Shouta?”

 “Thank you.”

 “Hmmph.”

  Pouting?

 “Don’t  do that.”

 “Hmmph!”

 Pure annoyance drove him to open his eyes, and tilt his head, and level his eyes against his best friend because pouting was so fucking stupid. His eyes widened, though, when he finally met Hizashi’s gaze for the first time that day.

 The first thing was that he wasn’t fully in his costume. His speakers were missing, and his hair was fallen to his shoulders in gell-stiff half-mast, finally succumbing to gravity in a way Shouta was certain was due to a hair brush and messily tucked into a hair tie. His tinted glasses were gone, leaving nothing between their eyes as they locked.

  He’d hung up his hero costume for the day, and maybe it made sense that he wasn’t talking like Present Mic any more – not as loud, not as joking, just intentions and and heart.

 He was half way between the two – between persona and  him,  and he looked so soft…

 But his eyes, his eyes that stare so deeply and knew Shouta so intimately over the years their lives had been intertwined – they were wet and silently overflowing, and Shouta was certain the embarrassment of crying was what was so freely tinting his cheeks. It was a brush of pink over pale, high cheekbones, under crescent eyes that leaked streaks down to his jaw, his chin.

 He, however, still had the mind to pout – not that Shouta had anything to say, not with the sudden, brand new pain of his heart aching at seeing his friend like this.

 Shouta’s eyes softened, his annoyance gone like dye down a river.

 Hizashi, however, wasn’t a coward, and held his gaze because he wanted Shouta to know what he was doing to him. 

 And all in the glowing sunlight…

  Stop...

 “Hizashi…”

 “Don’t you dare! Don’t try to stop me or tell me I’m wrong or that I’m crying too much or  whatever .”

 “I wouldn’t dare,” he said, because he had the mind to say something and that was the brilliant thing he thought of. His shame was hot and fast and his eyes shifted to the side, just off from Hizashi in the best possible way he could manage to face the other. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

 “Well, congrats, because I feel bad.”

 Shouta knitted his brow in anger. “You’re an idiot.”

  Don’t make me feel worse.

 “What th–”

  You always make me feel worse.

 “If you’re spending all your tears on me, then yeah. You are.”

  Because you’re so good.

 Hizashi was crying and clearly upset – anyone could see that – and yet he still decided to furrow his eyebrows and look confused and stupefied all at once. “ Wind it back a few seconds for me, Shou.”

 Shouta raised an eyebrow.

 “Say that again,” he prompted, shifting to face Shouta even more completely. He leaned forward on his knees, on his elbows as he wiped away the tears.

 “I said you’re an idiot.”

 “You’re my best friend.”

  Friend .

 “And?”

 “Not even  you  believe yourself, do you? I’ve seen you cry for me, too.”

 Shouta turned his eyes down. That’s  different  . That’s more than he can ever really explain, and what’s even more, it’s more than he wants to explain. Those words turn into sentences that turn into feelings that  can’t  be taken back, and he’ll never make the mistake of falling down that slope. So he looked away, anything to feel less guilty and like shit, and shook his head.

 Maybe some honesty wouldn’t hurt. “What would you have me do, then? I don’t have options.”

 Hizashi saw him dodge the question, the scenario he’d painted – he scooted closer and Shouta felt too alive with envy, wishing there were no barriers, be them white casts and mental blocks, that kept him from bridging the last of that tiny gap. 

 “I’d have you sleep. I’d have you stay home. I’d have you trust that the faculty, your peers, your  friends , could handle you being out for a bit.”

  The logic is there…

 Still… “No, I need to stay here. My students are back, and I owe them –”

 “It would be a week. You’d have your casts off in a  week –”

 “Who told you that? If Recovery Girl –”

 “It’s common knowledge, Shou, I just  guessed  . But that’s not the point – the point is that I’m  right .”

 Where does this conversation end? He doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t want to open himself up again, and he doesn’t want Hizashi to be crying like this. Crying, because of him.

 He sighs again. “It’s…”

 He clears his throat again. “It’s easier this way. For me.”

 Hizashi had already been close, but now he was right beside him, the knee he was folded over now just against his leg. Personal space had never really been a thing for him, and now proved to be no different. His big watery eyes stayed trained on his calculated, intentionally flat ones.

 He’s also always been good at picking apart his words to find the realities beneath them. “Distractions, right?”

 Shouta didn’t want to admit to it, but he nodded anyway, eyes falling until they settled on Hizashi’s clavicle. His exposed, open clavicle, and he yearns even more to be able to be closer than this. Take comfort in closeness that was 16 years in the making, but never really actualized. Never, really, fully  realized , either...

 “Yeah… distractions.”

 “Say, if I wanted to come over and make dinner and show you baby animal photos, would you let me?”

 Shouta blinked, and Hizashi smiled – he looked too pretty, glowing from his tears, and Shouta hates thinking that.

 “Don–”

 “They’re baby  foxes .”

 Shouta looked down, and grew pink – it’s pathetic how easily he could be bought, and he wasn’t ever really going to say no to time with his best friend. Even now, he’s always finding himself saying  yes  to the colorful, often too-loud man.

 Hizashi seemed to realize that he’d won, the way his eyebrows stopped dipping, stopped taking such a sad shape. “At least let me do this, Shou – if you’re gonna bring your mummy self into school and yell at kids and threaten expulsion, then let me make stir fry and udon for you.”

 Shouta smiled, small, hesitant, but not quite of his own intention; finally breaking – in a different way than he’s used to. “Fine. Just to be clear, it’s only because I want food.”

 “ Suuure , that’s the reason.”

 And before he could say anything back, Hizashi did that thing that makes his heart weak – the thing he always does when he’s leaning in like this, and it’s too emotional for his own comfort zone, and things are charged with a restless, aching energy. He reached out his left hand and rested it over Shouta’s open one. His phone was already falling from his bruised fingers, so he pushed it down to his lap and held onto the half of his hand that was exposed.

 He wants to ask why he does it sometimes, but doesn’t think that now is the time to ask it. Time, place, his broken body, everything was wrong – so he just let himself enjoy the affection, while he can bask in it with legitimate cause.

 Then Hizashi had to ruin it. He grinned, a little too proud. “Nervous?”

 Shouta tensed, and his body yelled at the pressure in his arms, in his torso. “Excuse me?”

 Hizashi laughed a bit, and he was a little flush – from the crying. “You’re a  biiiiiit pink. Like, blushing. Like, actually, you’re very –”

 “Shut up.”

 “You act like any teensy-tiny bit of affection is like poison, Shou – it’s  okay  if you–”

 “I take it back, actually, you can’t come over.”

 “Awwww, come on, I just –”

 “I mean it, I’ll order from the corner market.”

 “Now that you told me how you’ve been feeding yourself, I’m  definitely  coming over. God, I swear, you should know how to take care of yourself by now, it’s like you hate trying to –”

 “Hizashi –”

 He stood, really fast, smiling dumb and bright as he stood infront of Shouta. “Now come on! Up! Let’s go to your apartment!”

 He offered a hand, but Shouta shook his head. “I can get up fine –”

 Hizashi leaned forward, and it was an awkward placement, the way he was balanced, but he took the phone from his lap and tucked it into his pocket before his hand rested just on the side of Shouta’s shoulder. He urged with his eyes as much as with the slight tug at his waist. “Come on!”

 Shouta looked down and nodded, a feeling of warmth overcoming him yet again. He heard moreso than saw Hizashi smile, felt him beaming at him at letting him help him up, and then the hand on his shoulder shifted, to the spot of his ribs just above the bandaging.

 “Can I pull here?”

 “Yeah…”

 And he did and it really fucking hurt, little splinters under his skin all over again. He pulled air sharply between his teeth, and let Hizashi hook his elbow around him to stop the recoil.

 “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

 “It’s –” Deep breath, relax eyes –  bear it . “It’s fine.”

 It’s not fine, but it’s bearable, so he releases some of the tension he know is sewn into his arms. He opens his eyes, and Hizashi is so close it’s almost startling. His arm still was around him, under his arm, like a brace. Warm, pleasant pressure, pleasant heat...

 “I’m fine,” he breathes again, because for once, Hizashi doesn’t have anything to say. He just stares.

 “Hey… um…”

 “Hizashi…?”

 When Hizashi spoke it was quiet, in a way that betrayed his confident words. “Shou… this is not good timing, but…”

 This time it was Shouta’s turn for his voice to stop working, and he didn’t have anything to say – all too aware of the soft sound of breathing between them, the way his eyes were overwhelming like never before. 

 He had nothing to counter him or force him back or make him leave. He just waited, eyes at half mast because that was the only way he could handle Hizashi looking at him like  that . Like he always did, with care and adoration, and it just made him sick.

 “I almost lost you, and I don’t want to regret not kissing you any more… for years, Shouta,  years .”

 Shouta deserved a medal for surviving the whiplash of their conversation, from the joking to the serious to the trivial to the  important…  he couldn’t move much, but he wasn’t sure if that was his body or his anxious nerves speaking, so he just looked down at his lips.

 “Tell me it’s okay,” Hizashi said, close but far enough for comfort. Far enough for  respect  , for hurting and aching Shouta to say yes or no and only then either bridge the gap or depart. His hand was delicate on his side and his finger tips were light, brushing,  too much. “Tell me if you want…”

 The timing was so awful – Shouta just wanted to move, to take him in right there, to stop him from talking and pull him into himself so harshly and violently that they might become one. Close was never close enough…

 “I…”

 Hizashi’s free hand came up to his cheek, holding him there gently. His thumb brushed under his scar, over the hot skin that he was certain was an embarrassing shade of pink…

  Don’t fuck with me.

 “Tell me, Shou…”

 He was wiping away a tear, and Shou crumbled at the touch. “Y– yes.”

 A sharp breath, then again, louder, stronger, “ Yes. Yes, Hizashi–”

 Hizashi wasted no time, and pressed himself closer, and Shouta wasn’t surprised to taste salt on his lips because he’d spent too much time crying, too. 

 “I’m – not going to change –” Shouta said between breath and kiss, shaking from the anger of just wanting to  hold Hizashi and being un able to. “I’m – still a hero – I’m still –”

 – Kiss –

 “ –  still going to work, and – get hurt – and –”

 Hizashi retreated, lips hovering for just a moment. “I know, I know –”

 Shouta’s breath is heavy, laden with desires and 15 year old feelings and guilt, and doesn’t know where this is supposed to go. He’ll hurt Hizashi like this, he just knows he will – is it wise to let him do this, knowing what, inevitably, is going to happen. He huffs out his nose, trying to find a way to be delicate.

 He’s  never  known how to be delicate, and he just wishes that right now, he could somehow discover the secrets to not breaking his friend’s hearts. “I’m – is this a good idea?”

 “Of course –”

 “No, I mean it – is it  rational , when I’m just – just –”

 Hizashi’s hands are at work again, one holding him up, one wiping away tears from a scar. 

 “I’ll hurt you – I’ll hurt you and it’s inevitable and I can’t –”

 “ Shouta ,” and his voice was loud, and commanding, and energized – his quirk at its lowest state. 

 It worked though – Shouta had no idea how worked up he’d become, how his weaknesses were seeping through like never before; he was broken in so many ways right now and they were all on display, so humiliatingly on display, that he couldn’t even keep himself calm.

 Hizashi kissed him again, slower this time because he, shockingly, knew how to slow down. How to be rational when others weren’t. 

 His lips moved to the side of his mouth, then to his cheek, to his ear – “How long, Shouta?”

 “What – do you mean?”

 “It’s been fifteen years for me… fifteen years. I was in school looking at you. I was at graduation, looking at you. I shared our first apartment, and was looking at you. I’ve been teaching – and I’ve been looking at you…”

  How romantic…

 “How long has it been?” He said.

 It was too good to be true. It was too sad to be true. They’d put this off for so long, and it took a violent, bloody incident to bring Hizashi to him like this. He’d had his chances too, but he’d always shied away from them because it wasn’t fair.

 He’d die a hero one day, and Hizashi didn’t deserve  that .

 Shouta leaned into the feeling of Hizashi’s lips against his cheek, his ear, and told him what he’d never spoken out loud before. “I… fifteen years. Fifteen years, Hizashi…”

 “ God,”  and he’s crying now. 

 Shouta doesn’t want to admit to the few stray tears decorating his eyelashes like spiders on webs, so he doesn’t – he just leans into the soft, awkward embrace from his best friend, and lets him cry because they’ve both been idiots.

 The sunlight was long against the walls, and the halls of U.A were quiet, and Shouta, for all the breaking he’s done, has finally found a way to put some of the pieces back together.

[queenofallwitches]

Venus trine MC, my MC lies in Saturn and Saturn is in 9th house Aquarius.

Saturn Return, and my Soul Journey into 12th house Sun conjunct Mercury (in Aries) bound by the 12th house Shadow Secrets. Jupiter is Leo and Mars is softened by my conjunct cancer moon, both in my 3rd house. The kicker is Chiron simultaneously sitting over in my wounded goddess divine feminine Luna moon compelling me to build a home, a base and a clan of like minded souls. cancer and Chiron sit together and Chiron is akin to the wounded healer. I have a complex but alchemical natal make up and its been 6 years of accepting the square and oppositions in difficult places to come to terms to work with my natal astrology in a way I can become creatively involved in.

23/3/20 initiated the formal induction of my Saturn return as saturn transited to Aquarius for the first time since 92/93.

It’s a taste of the full saturnine swing coming up after the December 21st astrology grand conjunction. Saturn will be in Aquarius up to July. before moving briefly back before that grand Conjunction with Pluto/Jupiter later in 21/12/2020. (activity period from 14 April 2020 until mid-July 2020) Venus trine MC

Yeah on a tangent but one day I will be thankful this was forged. I am will using my moonchild manifesto to track the astrology and transits for my own wounded healer journey. I don’t have the consistency of a computer to hoard things as I did before the big brother fascism came full formed this year and cannot freely trust anything can be stored. I will be putting things online purely to keep a record of what may soon be lost, unable to be accessed.

Plus I’m burning my journals after I take the photos of them and upload them for a ritualistic purpose.

It’s part of this creative alchemy and trauma soul retrival quest I’ve found myself on. I note this as my Saturn is returning home for my FIRST Saturn return. I have been formally initiated for the infamous, enigmatic Saturn return that marks the passage from “adolescence into adulthood”. (Funnily last time I heard a university lecture on neuroscience, the latest research noted recent findings that the brain of a fully, functional prefrontal cortex in adult brains don’t become fully formed until age 28-30. This first sparked excitement and also uncertainty about the privilege cast to the “teenage myth”. As kids brains are still developing when things like getting a driving cars, choosing a life career, alcohol privilege and making other major life changes at those critical developmental stages are still as risky when a 12-16 year old does it. So now psychology and neuroscience knows that the adult higher order thinking that marks the turn of a mature and civil adult come in the late 20s. Not the teens. So until after 25 a brain cannot be fully assessing its choices due to underdeveloped prefrontal higher order thought processes This was fascinating in the social science side of things where we look into social constructs of society and how teenager was a made up archetype for a post war period. I remember being in my early 20s at the time and my life was no longer a race as it had been made to be prior.the schools of the latest brain neuroscience confirm my impulsive nature could change before age 30. I was hopeful. Maybe I wasn’t a gifted genius who was highly sensitive and afflicted with the contrasting “ADHD or Attention Deficit Primaily Inattentive” which could only be “treated” (as far as I had experienced), via heavy duty schedule 8 drugs. The kind of medication that calmed me down but other people wound beg me to have. Meaning in the past people in my life around me were constantly trying to turn into their party high by taking advantage of my disdain for psychostimulants. But my love and need for money back in that time. Fuck fake friends I say. Taking advantage or dysregulated prefrontal cortex with or without all my labels was still, after all, a risky business, when it comes to juggling psychopharmacology and a myriad of labels that resulted in other medicines given to me that may or may not be accurate. No brain scan or confirmation has been given that my brain is anything aside from ADHD. So my academic quest in childhood was confounded due to this.I learnt a lot about my childhood and growing up with a long list of multiple mental illness diagnosis, and the medical pharmacology given to me for those things; was beyond measurable.

But my neurochemistry was tweaked ineffably by both psychiatric pills pushed on me from age 9 and for things I may not even need. The end result of what my social science teacher termed “social constructs akin to mental illness medical model DSM labels”. My self pursuit of understanding my own brain was a hard thing to understand in the sense that prior to hearing about this from the side of academic and professional training, I had spend 12 years in expensive and possibly more damaging than beneficial treatment for “mental illnesses”. My life was a focal point for the goal I set to help women with the “borderline stigma” after I had fixed my own borderline.

Clinical psychologist was my end game until I found the trauma truth sweeping me into a existential soul contusion merged with trauma after trauma therapy went into flooding memory. Academic research and the psychology and counseling journals I spent my spare time fine combing. For answers. For my why and how. By the time I found any sense of this it became a painful limbo of dancing with my demons, coping destructively and limbo between the underworld and the reality I found my body and mind entwined in.

Now it’s even more synonymous to my own Saturn return journey and how the Saturn return is the mark of adulthood. This can be a speculative musing I make now on celestial astrology and how it aligns to our inner psychological makeup. (The Jupiter return is age 12, puberty ; and the other inner planets all mark significant development milestones in growing up. I’ll go into that more in later blogs).

Astrology is a map of the soul, psychology makeup, can be so deep too. How does it measure up to statistics? Sun sign horoscope is nothing versus the natal chart and how it corresponds to planetary magick and Kabbalah. I have been seperate in my magick and academic work but it was always my will to merge these at one stage I could research it. But now the sands of time are shifting, and Aquarius Saturn is calling for novel innovation I never could convey due to academic being seperate as spiritual, magickal practice is something I was careful to keep silence on when working with clients, peers and mentors, forget telling my psychologists or doctors who wound dismiss any test as “bipolar mania”. I remember once I read “the difference between the mystic and the mad man is the mystic knows who NOT TO TELL.

Now it’s my time to informally but officially start logging my journey into my own healing, soul mapping, I call it cognitive alchemy, gnostic psychology, soul psychology, metagnosis.. I’ve had many a name for the potential inspiration from my true will calling. But I can now forget about the archaic bonds from the academic world I was schooled to excel in by confirming. I am also a high iq gifted kid and having been labelled gifted but “adhd” simultaneously while having traumatic events left right and center is a mix of confusion for me. Teachers classed adhd as a learning disability, my in attention confused with inability to listen to simple tasks. This meant my mind never adapted to that school conditioning but my education was still installed due to the private school system somehow making my alters succeed without effort. Most of my spare time as a kid that wasn’t dissociative was reading books. By me processing my own literature in my spare time, I knew so much random stuff but hid it in order to seem dumb bc that was accepted. But in private in encyclopaedias and non fictional library quests I’d devour books. for my 10 maximum haul of borrowing books. This was a routine my mum and I went to do each week but my reading speed was beyond anything known, as I read and synthesised up to 10 books mostly in one day, from age 6 onwards.

I also stole books and hid my reading habits at school due to a deep shame of not being liked due to reading being for losers without friends, as girls bullied me over my gifted weird quirks. I was pretty but saw my self as ugly for trauma will deprive the mind of seeing it’s own true perception. I was never understood how my looks became a thing used against me by girls who were jealous until I learnt about this myself. I recently accepted and remembered this all after 3 years of integrated healing. I was doing this all on my own. the spiritual and metaphysical work is my primary tool that was keeping me here. Actually saving my suicide program from self destruct after the March 2017 incident I shall not talk about now. But I’m here now, alive, kicking, Saturn here to shove my shadow to consciousness without prompt and this change can bring me into a 30 year blueprint of setting things right.

Now in order to build a solid and functional framework and foundational life. I have a litany of secrets I need to get off my chest. I think to share my growth, my thoughts and my experiences for my own liberation of my deep dark secrets finally free to be released into the public domain.

I have no choice but to share this.

I do this co consciously as a part of my integrative process.

Maybe One day it might be a guide for someone who was as alone as I feel doing all of this self work without support. Maybe it will fade into the cyber void forever. Maybe I’ll use this as a tool to help clients in the future. Whatever this is means nothing but what the process of alchemy can do to forge my liberation from soul loss and traumatic dissociative trauma.

As a therapist I always wanted to avoid what I went through growing up. Now more so. I never want another lost dissociative mental health client who was also stuck between professional and academic pursuits being my “purpose” and having to sacrifice career and my study and research to sit in my shadow to see the shit.

In order to break the shit therapist mould I list journey through my own shit first. This meant I needed to be away from all therapy both as a client and practitioner and student for awhile. I’ve been off since the end of 2017 and now it’s clear it was neeed, how do I heal without healing my own shit first? Am I not the finest example of how bad therapists can get away with their bullshit and be paid for it but never really know who they are. I’m never doing that. I never was about that. So due to therapeutic negligence. I am finding my gift was the lesson. Those a shitty therapist who are a dime a dozen were the anti mentors I saw too often: but my purpose was to be a therapist. But a therapist who did things the way I never had.

Never did I want another to go into the heavy weight of shame from the secrets of sexual wounds, childhood schemas, mixed up and messed up conditioning made to seem functional to outsiders. But that was all alters. Now it was a spiritual journey as magick and my mystical path entwines to save my soul. The self awakening, trauma revelations, merging with the dark night of soul, and the shadow work. Plus everything else coming out is not a journey I can say is or was at all easy, I suffer more now as a co conscious intergrating my trauma. I feel it all without the dissociative switch to save me from witnessing all the shit. Now I see my entire life and it’s fucked up raw and grim reality and I have to do something because I survived it this far? Again I never suicided or stopped into self destruction when I knew my own inner child’s wounds were no longer blacked out but burning bright longing for love. Symptoms for survival and the survival was part of the dissociative switching making my outside self seem so functional, but never seen. It’s not something they needed to drug me for, but it’s another thing I have to address now. My symptoms they drugged with medications that were mind altering and powerful for anyone let alone a developing child’s brain, were suppressed by many meds. Who knows where that ends and the damage via trauma and other things begin? It’s a mess of some thing I was never aware of but always trying to silence due to the need for people to accept me. But that was many mes all living a life that appeased many people, but not for me. Here we are.

[skepsys]

tell us more about your two lovely OCs please! how did they meet? how did their ship start? :eyes:

oOOOHGFGGGGG BOYYY Okay well ive only had them for about a week or so? two weeks? not very long so some things are still prettyyyyy loose/vague, despite HOW MUCH time ive been putting into them LOL but there’s some pretty solid building blocks regardless so Here We Go

to clarify ahead of time in case i havent already somewhere, SAINT is the robot with the toothy mask and Maverick is the guy with the white jacket

READMORE CAUSE HOLY FUCK THIS GOT LONG

ill be honest, they start off trying to kill and generally being pretty nasty to each other....! they’re both assassin/hitman/mercenary types so theres naturally a lot of rivalry there over who gets the real good jobs and stuff, but it’s made pretty personal right off the bat because Maverick is very smug and annoying and from the second he meets SAINT he makes sure to make it ABUNDANTLY clear that he’s better than him.  Maverick’s been in the game a lot longer than SAINT; the first time SAINT ever takes a job, he shows up to crash it and steal this Super Secret technology he had been sent to grab (which he was going to do ANYWAYS bc it was tech related to human augmentation, which he’s a Big Fan of, but SAINT getting there first presented him an opportunity to be an aggravating show-off, which of course he couldn’t resist...).  underneath the snarky flair with which he one-ups and outmaneuvers SAINT in this first encounter there’s a pretty serious threat to step off his turf Or Else, which as i said sparks a pretty bitter, intense rivalry

they spend a Good Long While beating the shit out of each other, like its ON SIGHT every time, Maverick has the upper hand for the first while, considering that while SAINT is COMPETENT, having been developed for combat, the fact still remains that he’s technically not a robot, but an AI whos spent a lot longer living in a computer than running around out in the world.  he eventually gets the hang of it though, and learns to see through a lot of Maverick’s feints and tricks.  they get pretty into it, SAINT has torn off one of Maverick’s (entirely mechanical and therefore fixable) arms in a rage because hes SUCH an insufferable dickhead, Maverick has trapped SAINT in a gigantic gas explosion... its kind of a miracle that the two of them make it out the other side alive every time??

it starts turning around when in the middle of one of their dumb scraps they get grabbed by some shaaaaaaadyyyyyy paramilitary group that i havent Super developed yet, but they turn out to be the Main Villains of the story so yknow theyre important.  the two of them are of interest because Maverick’s got absurdly advanced augments and implants, like “shouldnt really exist” advanced, while SAINT is a cutting-edge combat AI riding around in a unique, high-tech body.  the intention is theyll both be picked apart to be reverse-engineered, but not too long after getting caught and detained, Maverick manages to break himself out, bc being a slippery little weasel is kind of his thing

he then DELIBERATELY goes out of his way to track down SAINT and get HIM out too, in his words because “even though SAINT’s a pain in the ass, he doesn’t really deserve to be straight-up tortured”.  unfortunately he can only find SAINT’s AI, and not his body, and given that he’s got precious little time to figure out what to do, the two of them pretty much settle on getting SAINT’s AI out of the facility and then coming back later for his body.  unfortunately AGAIN they’re both idiots and think uploading a fully fledged combat AI suite to cerebral implants that are only really suited for enhancing reflexes and split-second decision making is a good, reasonable idea

long, painful story short, in the time it takes to escape and get to safety, Maverick’s brain almost practically melts from the strain, nearly killing both him AND SAINT in the process.  luckily with the help of a guy named Harlan, a genius bioengineer and Maverick’s ex they manage to get SAINT out and into a server he can live on for the interim

they do eventually get SAINT’s proper body back after a time where he has to live between a server and a shoddy temporary replacement body (which he is very angry about the entire time) but i havent Exactly figured it out since that has GOT to be very difficult and probably more than a 1.5 man job.  the two of them actually manage to have some actual normal conversations during this time but its kinda awkward and stilted.  theres a fair amount of realizing like “oh huh this dude is just A Normal Guy with like, thoughts and interests and stuff not relating at all to wanting me dead” on both sides

after this point they still butt heads fairly often but its toned WAY down; SAINT especially is kinda like “Hm.” because why on earth would this dude go so far out of his way to nearly die just to save someone who his only interactions with have been filled with vitriol and violence...? (spoiler its cuz Maverick is generally actually a pretty good and selfless guy underneath all the smugness and attitude)

eventually they start teaming up instead of constantly smacking each others’ wrists at every turn, around when the story starts really picking up and said aforementioned Shady Paramilitary Group starts becoming a proper real threat and theyre joined by a whole cast of other characters that i havent drawn yet (Harlan, as well as Leta, an AI programmer who worked on an early iteration of what eventually became SAINT, Jamie, Maverick’s older sister who’s a mechanic/pilot, Eleven, super-hacker extraordinaire, to name a few)

their progression from “kind of awkward friends” to “boyfriends, actually” isnt sth they rlly think about directly, its literally.  theyre both so goddamn STUPID it takes another character pointing out how theyve gone from “he’s fine, we work together pretty well i guess” to “id literally willingly die for this guy at the drop of a hat and also oh yeah i let him have access to some of my tech functions so we can keep better track of and support each other during operations better” for them to be like “wait oh shit oh fuck i might be in love”

THAT GOT SO GODDAMN LONG I LOVE THESE DIPSHITS SO MUCH IM CONSTANTLY BLOWING UP MY OC TWITTER W SHIT ABT THEM....IM TRULY LOST IN THE SAUCE ON THIS ONE... 

[uniformbravo]

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

ha

haha

hoooo oo  o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

[earlgreytea68]

Maybe it's bc I'm from a country whose gov wiretapped innocent people they saw as their enemies but I can't believe people PAY MONEY to get spied on so they what? Don't have to press a button?! I'm not angry or anything just absolutely baffled at how many people ACTIVELY choose this dystopian nightmare shit. Things are bad enough already so I just wonder how both those things (anger about fb&owning alexa) fit together. Not attacking you, just genuinely wondering about the thought process (1/2)

Valid question! Here’s my thought process:

First, the Facebook thing is actually less about the collection and sale of my data than...a really, really long tortured relationship with Facebook that needs to end now. Not that I agree with the collection and sale of my data! Because I don’t! But you should know my long history, because I think it explains my thought process. 

I registered for Facebook early, when you still had to have an edu email address. I thought I had it locked down, private, friends-only. Then, a few years later, my boss walks into my office and closes my door and gives me a talking-to about “inappropriate Facebook posts.” To be clear, I was never a person, like, posting topless photos on Facebook or something, nor was I complaining about my boss really. It was more like, “Ugh, I have to work all weekend, sorry I can’t go to this party!” And she was like, “THAT IS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION THAT YOU WORKED ALL WEEKEND.” And I was like, ...how are you even seeing my Facebook, you’re not my friend? So (a) I was spooked, because when your boss yells at you because of Facebook, it’s terrifying, and (b) I was completely bewildered that she could even see my Facebook. Upon investigation, it turned out that at the time (and this was a decade ago), if you put down where you work, EVERYONE who also put that place down could see your Facebook, even if they weren’t your friend and your Facebook was friends-only. (I think Facebook has changed that policy now.)

So, terrified, I deleted my Facebook. But this was back when not having a Facebook caused this whole public outcry thing and my friends freaked out and so I gave in and re-started a Facebook, posting very little because I was terrified. But I still used it. Until I got depressed and started therapy. My therapist told me to keep a stress journal, where I wrote down whenever I felt a spike of stress, and going on Facebook consistently showed up in the journal as a source of stress. So, upon my therapist’s suggestion, I stopped going on Facebook. I still kept it instead of deleting it because I didn’t want people to freak out the way they did the first time, but I stopped using it. 

Fast-forward many years, and in January of this year, I tried to open a Facebook for the psuedonym I use for novels. Facebook immediately flagged me as suspicious and asked me to prove I was me by uploading a photo. And I was kind of like, ....Why do you need my photo? What’s that going to prove? All I can assume is that, of course, they have a database of what we all look like. How they know I’m not just grabbing  a random photo of the person I’m trying to impersonate off the internet is another question entirely. But I was like, Fine, whatever, I don’t feel like fighting with you, Facebook, so I gave up on having a pseudonym page. 

And then I started thinking: Why did I still have a Facebook? I never go on Facebook. All the stuff had happened with the election, so it wasn’t like people would freak out anymore if I deleted it, they’d totally get it. And I kind of no longer wanted to give Facebook bragging rights about how many users it has by counting me when I don’t actually use it. And Zuckerberg’s attitude seemed to be that if you didn’t like Facebook, you shouldn’t use Facebook. I COMPLETELY disagree with this sentiment on his part because I think it completely ignores how many people can’t opt out of Facebook at this point, but luckily, I can opt out of Facebook. 

...Or so I thought. 

Except that I requested deletion of my Facebook, and they confirmed deletion and said I was scheduled for deletion within two weeks, and then...just never deleted my Facebook. Which I only know because they keep sending me emails about me being tagged and people sending me messages (even though I also keep requesting to be unsubscribed from those emails). (And also my friends still on Facebook confirm for me that I’m still on there.) I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to get in touch with Facebook but...you can’t. It’s impossible. Try not being on Facebook and finding ANY contact information for Facebook other than a paper mailing address. If you find the contact info, please let me know!!! They have zero available email addresses, they don’t respond to their Twitter, and the phone number that circulates online is a dangerous scam stealing your social security numbers (which Facebook knows and warns you about but still doesn’t provide you with any way to contact them). 

So my anger with Facebook isn’t just about gathering and selling my data, it’s the culmination of years of mistrust and knowing it’s not healthy for me in general and then BEING DENIED MY RIGHT TO DELETE IT AND BEING RENDERED COMPLETELY POWERLESS. Like, the longer this has gone on, and the longer I have realized that there is literally nothing I can do to get Facebook to delete my account, the angrier and angrier I have gotten. 

So. That’s Facebook. As for the Alexa, well. You’re right. It sits in my house and is probably recording everything that happens in the house. Which is...basically nothing. I’m only home a few waking hours a day because I work full-time. I travel most weekends, so I’m not there on the weekends. I live alone, so I don’t talk much in my house. I have people over maybe two or three times a year, and then I can unplug the Alexa and stick it out in the garage and I feel relatively okay about that???? I might be kidding myself there, but, if worse comes to worst, I can throw the Alexa out entirely, and I think I’m okay. So I feel mostly in control of Alexa and its eavesdropping on me. 

I worry more about the fact that I’m supporting Amazon in the first place, since I disagree with most of Amazon’s policies. I feel really guilty about that and do want to extract myself from the Amazon dependency I developed. My only shopping option in my town was Wal-Mart, and at the time when I moved there a few years ago I thought it was better to support Amazon than Wal-Mart. Now I’m not so sure about that (although I guess the lesson I’ve been learning is that there is no company I really want to give my money to). 

I also worry more about the fact that I have a smartphone than an Alexa. I was very, very late to adopt a smartphone--years and years after everyone else had them--because I was very wary of them. I’m used to them now, but I don’t like how much information the smartphone has on me. I’ve given up a little bit, because I just...did. But the information the Alexa has is tiny compared to how much my phone has. And we all know that we have our suspicions that the phones are listening to us the whole time. And I *do* talk on the phone. I don’t talk much in my house, but my phone is the device I use to talk on (I talk a lot while walking around the neighborhood, waiting between classes at work, etc.). So the phone is getting every conversation I have, not the Alexa. 

All that said: I don’t know that I can completely disconnect now. I shouldn’t have a smartphone, or a Twitter, or a Tumblr, but I decided that at a certain point what I’m really going to strive to do is be conscious about this technology and work to shape it in better ways. Is this naive and idealistic of me? Yes. Undoubtedly. I have nothing I can say to defend myself on that point. I absolutely should just unplug...but that’s difficult to do, and I do feel like (as the EU is trying here) there are ways to make this technology less dangerous. 

Anyway. That’s my thought process. I think we all make the decisions we feel fit what we’ve considered. I don’t care much for Facebook, so it’s easy for me to disconnect (well, it would be if Facebook would let me, which is part of my major Facebook problem). I find Alexa useful and because I don’t do much around it and it’s connected to less stuff than my cell phone to begin with, it doesn’t bother me as much, and I feel like I can change my mind and get rid of it fairly easily. Of course, I could be wrong about that. I always thought I could delete my Facebook at any time, too.  

Everyone might get done reading this and think, Wow, EGT is an absurd human being who makes zero sense. That is a completely true statement. 

[bangtan-insfired]

This Magic Moment | Taehyung

Pairing: reader x hufflepuff taehyung | Hogwarts AU

Genre: fluff

Summary: When your date to the Yule ball goes terribly wrong, Taehyung is there to save the night.

A/N: So after much editing & rewriting, I finally deemed this decent enough to be uploaded. I feel like I might it again later, but I hope you all enjoy! Let me know if you want another Hufflepuff Taehyung AU bc I have an idea for a continuation of this...

Word Count: 5K

A whirl of gold zoomed past your ear and in an instant, all your senses were on full alert and your fingers gripped your broom tighter as you flew straight after it. You had just spotted the snitch and judging by how Hufflepuff’s seeker was still surveying the area, you figured he hadn’t spotted it yet. You willed your broom to go faster, whirling past your teammates who sensed what you were doing.

You were so close to the snitch. If you just reached out your hand for it—

“OH! IT LOOKS LIKE [Y/N] HAS SPOTTED THE SNITCH!”

Cheers erupted from the crowd decked in silver and green, their cheering growing louder and louder within the minute as they caught onto you. A smile was making its way on your face because you did it—you captured the snitch—but it didn’t fully reach your eyes as a bludger hit you right in the arm, making you lose your balance.

You let out a gasp, struggling to get a good grip on your broom as you held on to it for dear life with one hand while you clutched the snitch close to you with the other. What the—

You didn’t even have time to fully react to another bludger that was sent your way but luckily Jimin—your teammate—did and he zoomed right past you, raising his bat and successfully hitting the bludger away from you and back toward the Hufflepuff beater who had tried to send it your way.

“IF YOU’RE HAVING QUIDDITCH PROBLEMS, I FEEL BAD FOR YOU, SON. [Y/N] HAS NINETY-NINE PROBLEMS BUT A SNITCH AIN’T ONE!” Namjoon’s—the Quidditch commentator—voice roared through the stadium as you held up your hand in proof, fingers clasped around the small golden snitch.

“SLYTHERIN TAKES THE WIN!”

At the official announcement, all of the Slytherins cheered even louder—if that was possible since they were already loud—and stomped on the bleachers, even though you were still hanging off your broom and in dire need of some help.

“Easy there, champ.”

You felt an arm wrap around your waist and pull you up, allowing you to safely get back onto your broom and save you from what would be a devastating fall.  The last time you fell off your broom you ended up with more than one broken bone and the healing process was a huge pain.

You turned your head, sending a grateful smile to your savior to find Taehyung—the cute beater for the Hufflepuff team and a good friend of yours—on his broom next to you.

“Thanks.” You managed to breathe out, a bit flustered at having him so close to you.

“Sorry about Lay, he shouldn’t have thrown that bludger at you when you already captured the snitch.”

“S’okay, he was just defending his team.” You shrugged off his concern and then grinned at him, regaining your confidence. “Slytherin still prevailed and crushed you all… the usual, you know.”

“Why you—“

“Last one to the ground is a rotten egg!”

Taehyung watched in disbelief as you turned your broom and flew away. “I literally just saved you from breaking your arm and this is how you repay me? By rubbing in the fact that my team lost!” He exclaimed as he landed right after you, rolling his eyes at your smug attitude.

“Sore loser.” You teased as you stuck out your tongue.

“More like sore winner,” he huffed as he hopped off his broom and dashed toward you. You were too late to make a run for it and let out a squeal as his hands poked at your sides. “Just wait ‘til next game. I’ll send a bludger your way so hard that it’ll surely—“

“Yeah, yeah.” Jimin interrupted as he approached the two of you with a smug smirk, making the both of you stop in your antics to look at him.  “You won’t be able to hit her on my watch, Kim.”

“And where were you when I was on the verge of falling to my death?” You raised an eyebrow at Jimin.

“Oh yeah,” Jimin smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Sorry about that.”

“You’re lucky I saved her or else Slytherin wouldn’t have it’s seeker and it’d make me win by default next time…can’t have that, can we? I plan to win fair and square next time.” Taehyung spoke and when you turned to look at him, you recognized what the wide grin on his face meant.

“We’ll see.” You replied, the corners of your lips tugging upwards to mirror Taehyung’s grin.

That’s how most of your Quidditch games against Hufflepuff ended and how your friendship with Taehyung began. The winner would always engage in playful banter until the loser promised to outdo the other next time.

Unfortunately, there wouldn’t be a next time.

“No more Quidditch?” Taehyung mumbled in disbelief as his eyes read over the flyers posted all over the bleachers. They were hard to miss.

You peered your head over his shoulder, reading the flyer yourself. The two of you had returned from Hogsmeade and not having anything else to do, decided to head to the Quidditch field to test out Taehyung’s newest version of the nimbus broom but by the looks of it, your plan was canceled. No Quidditch meant no Quidditch practice and no Quidditch practice meant there’s no reason be on the field, even if it was to just mess around on your brooms.

You frowned. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“Maybe we can finally go exploring in the Forbidden forest. Rumor has it Hagrid’s brother lives there and I want to meet him.”

“Oh, sure.” You sarcastically replied. “I’ve always wanted to die at the hands or should I say legs of Aragog’s grandchildren.”

“We won’t get killed,” Taehyung told you as he remembered his last encounter with those terrifying spiders. “I’m still alive.”

“Remind me why I am your friend?”

Taehyung let out a snort. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Touché.”

The day after the flyers had been posted, Headmistress McGonagall finally addressed the topic of the Triwizard Tournament and just as expected, the Quidditch field was now off limits since it would be used to prepare for the upcoming tournament. Although you were a bit upset about the whole ordeal, the more McGonagall spoke about it, the more excited you began to grow over it.

“Students! Remember that tomorrow the Durmstrang and Beauxbaton students will arrive.” Headmistress McGonagall spoke, gathering everyone’s attention as she stood from her seat at the dining hall. “I expect everyone to be on their best behavior. Please.”

You swore she looked at Taehyung and six of his others friends when she said that. In a not so discreet manner, might you add. You couldn’t help but laugh as a few students looked their way, following McGonagall’s gaze. They didn’t look surprised.

The next few days were a blur of excitement. The Durmstrang and Beauxbaton students had finally arrived and everyone was eager to befriend them. Soon came the night to enter your names into the goblet of fire and just about everyone who was eligible wrote in their names (yourself included.) You were all surprised but definitely not disappointed when Gryffindor’s heartthrob, Kim Seokjin was chosen as Hogwarts’s champion.

Before you all knew it, the first task for the champions was completed, leaving everyone to anticipate the Yule Ball and now the biggest talk was on who would be asking who to the ball. Some already had a special someone in mind.

Unfortunately for Taehyung, he didn’t have a clue on who to ask.

“Why don’t you ask the cute Gryffindor girl from potions? She’s really sweet.” Jimin suggested as he rummaged through a box of purple ribbons.

“No, no, no.” Birdie, Jimin’s girlfriend and Taehyung’s best friend, shook her head. Her gaze was on the check-list full of things she had to do to prepare for Yule Ball (since she had volunteered herself and both Jimin and Taehyung to help with the preparations) but Taehyung knew she wasn’t talking about the words hastily scribbled onto the scroll.

“That cute Gryffindor girl from potions just got asked out by some Ravenclaw boy.” Birdie explained to the two confused boys with a wide smile on her face. “It was the cutest thing ever!”

Jimin made a face at her. “I thought I was the cutest thing ever.”

Birdie laughed and swooped down to press a brief kiss on Jimin’s cheek. “Second to you, of course.”

“Volunteer with us for the Yule ball, they said.” Taehyung retorted, watching as Jimin and Birdie were being disgustingly cute. “It’ll be fun, they said.”

Jimin looked up at Taehyung. “Why don’t you ask [Y/N]?”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? We’re just friends.” Taehyung frowned deep in thought.

“We,” Birdie pointed at herself and then at Jimin,”were just friends.”

“But we’re different.”

Birdie narrowed her eyes at Taehyung, humming in disbelief because she’s been there, done that. Meanwhile, Jimin gave out a chuckle because he knew Taehyung very well—enough to know when he is interested in a girl and the way he treated you was no different than the way Taehyung treated all his friends.

“Okay,” Birdie sighed as she gave up on pressing Taehyung about it further. Taehyung was a genuine loving person and so were you. She could easily be misinterpreting the situation.

“Even if you’re just friends, it’s okay to ask her. There’s nothing wrong with asking a friend to be your date to the ball.”

Taehyung nodded as he thought about it. “You’re right.” He replied.

“Now that, that’s settled,” Birdie grinned, clapping her hands together excitedly as she looked to both Taehyung and Jimin. “Why don’t we make McGonagall proud for once and help make this the best Yule Ball in Hogwarts’s history?”

Even though Birdie had reassured him many more times, Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to ask you. He was hesitant about it since your relationship was strictly platonic and he didn’t want to change that or make things awkward between the two of you. What if you thought more of it? What if it put a strain onto your friendship? Taehyung didn’t want to go alone to the Yule Ball but he was worried that by asking you, he’d be risking your friendship.

His eyes lit up as soon as he spotted you walking in the hallway. He was on his way to the Ravenclaw common room to show Jungkook a muggle game on his computer. You were on your way to the library and since it was on his way to Jungkook, he decided to walk with you.

You beamed up at him and noticing that you were more happy than usual, he couldn’t help but question it and the answer he received was definitely not what he was anticipating. It was like a slap to his face and before he could stop himself from saying something stupid, he opened his mouth.

“You have a date?”

“I’m offended.” You replied as you turned to glare at Taehyung. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

Taehyung shook his head, quickening his pace to match yours. “I didn’t mean it like that…I just—I just thought you weren’t particularly interested in anyone.”

“I’m not.” You confessed, the nerves finally getting the best of you as you broke out into a smile. “But Kihyun asked me out—“

“The boy who sits behind us in transfiguration?” Taehyung interrupted and you nodded, not catching the way his lips had curved into a frown.

“Yes! The really cute one!” You replied, not being able to hide how shy yet excited you were about it.

Taehyung had never seen you so interested in someone so he found it a bit odd but heartwarming and for a moment, he worried if Kihyun was a good guy for you. He was known for being quite the charmer. But rumors could just be rumors and he didn’t want to rain on your parade so he managed a small smile as you spoke.

“He was really sweet and seems like a nice guy so I thought why not give it a chance, you know?” You said with a shrug of your shoulders. “It’s not like anyone else would ask me out.”

Taehyung let out a hum and you came to a stop, leaning against the wall to turn your full attention to him. The two of you were right outside the library. “Who are you going with?” You curiously asked, not even bothering to ask if he had a date…because this was Kim Taehyung you were talking to. He surely scored a date already.

Taehyung looked away briefly, his mind racing. Who am I going with? He asked himself in panic. When he turned back to you, he didn’t know why he felt so nervous. He could’ve easily told you he didn’t have a date but his nerves got the best of him and he blurted out the first name he could think of, which was consequently the person he was going to meet up with in a few.

“Jungkook.”

“Jungkook?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled in a lame attempt to save himself from this awkward situation. He wanted to get out of it as soon as possible. “He didn’t have a date either so I thought we should go together as friends. Speaking of Jungkook, I promised I’d meet him at the Ravenclaw dorms at six o’ clock and I’m running five minutes late. Got to go! Bye!”

It was as if Taehyung apparated since he was out of sight before you could even say goodbye. You glanced at the watch on your wrist in bewilderment. “But it’s barely five-thirty…”

“I can’t believe you’re my date to the Yule Ball.”

“I can’t believe I agreed to it.”

Taehyung let out a snort as he turned to look at the younger boy, bumping his shoulder purposely against Jungkook’s. “Care to dance?” He teased as he hooked out his arm.

Jungkook scrunched up his nose, remembering the mandatory awkward dance lesson he had with his head of house. “As if,” Jungkook huffed, distancing himself from Taehyung. “I’m going to go stuff my face at the dessert bar before Jin-Hyung gets to it. I’ll meet up with you later.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes. The whole reason why he wanted a date was so that he wouldn’t be alone. But this was Jungkook so he really shouldn’t be surprised. He decided to walk around the great hall, greeting classmates here and there until he finally made it to the table where Jimin, Birdie and his other friends sat at with their dates.

“He ditched you already, didn’t he?” Jimin said to him as soon as Taehyung was in hearing distance. When Taehyung nodded his head, Jimin shook his head, not looking the least bit surprised. “That boy, I swear.”

Birdie smiled sympathetically at him, pulling a chair from another table and gesturing for him to sit there. “We did a good job, didn’t we?” She said, referring to the Yule Ball decoration.

“Good? I’d say wonderful more like it!” Another voice chimed in and the three of them turned to see an impressed McGonagall. “My faith in you three is restored.” She added in a teasing manner before nodding her head and leaving.

Taehyung took a look around the room himself to fully appreciate all the hard work he put into it and McGonagall was right. They did do a wonderful job at decorating. The great dining hall had been transformed into a winter wonderland on Christmas Eve.

Chandeliers made of icicles hung from the ceilings. Snow slowly fell from them, glistening like a million of tiny crystals and disappearing as soon as it made contact with the students or the floor that Taehyung charmed to look like a frozen lake. Hints of purple and midnight blue were used to add a nice touch of color on the tables and miniature frosted evergreen trees were used as centerpieces that were decorated with all kinds of sweets.

Jimin gaped after her in disbelief. “Did she just compliment us?”

“It’s a feeling I can definitely get used to.” Birdie replied.

“Don’t.” Taehyung warned and when the two of them turned to look at him, he wore a sloppy grin on his face. One they recognized all too well and often led to the three of them getting scolded by McGonagall in detention.

“I thought we already discussed this. We are not getting a niffler as a pet! Do I need to remind you of the last time we—“

Taehyung feigned innocence, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he scanned the great dining hall. “Do you hear that?”

“I hear nothing.” Jimin deadpanned and Taehyung fought the urge to roll his eyes at the oblivious boy.

“I think [Y/N] is calling my name so I’m going to go. Okay? Bye!” Taehyung exclaimed, eager to run away before Birdie could continue on what he was sure was going to turn into a pointless lecture, considering she always ended up joining in on his adventures, no matter how opposed she was to them.

Plus, it was also an excuse to go look for you. He found it a bit odd that you haven’t texted him that you were there. The Yule Ball was all you talked about for the past few days and he was eager to hear your thoughts on the decorations since he had kept it a secret from you. His reasoning was that he wanted you to be surprised just like all the other students would surely be.

A smile slowly etched onto his face, his eyes lighting up as he finally spotted you.

You stood by the entrance, wearing a deep red tulle gown that complemented your figure and made him stop and stare. He was used to seeing you in casual clothes or your Quidditch uniform so seeing you so dressed up with your hair and makeup done nicely, was different. Not necessarily a good or bad different. If you’d ask him, he’d tell you, you look beautiful all the time, even when you claimed you were having a bad hair day.

Turning your head, your eyes met his across the room and that’s when Taehyung noticed that there was something off about you. Not wasting anymore time, he approached you, offering his famous rectangle smile.

“I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Should I be offended?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow. Although there was a hint of sass in your voice, your lips quirked to which he only replied with a small laugh.

Your eyes left him briefly to scan around the area. “Where’s your date?”

“Dessert bar.”

Having a sense of direction, you peered over his shoulder, eyes widening when you spotted Jungkook and you now understood why they called him the Golden Maknae. “Holy cow! How many cauldron cakes can he fit into his mouth?”

Curious to see the sight for himself, he turned around and followed your gaze just in time to see Jungkook shove a fourth cauldron cake into his mouth, egged on by Jin—who had a surprising amount of five in his mouth already. “What can I say? He’s competitive.”

“Yeah.” You laughed. “Not surprised, considering he’s your best friend.”

“Whatever.” Taehyung playfully rolled his eyes at you, his smile faltering when he noticed something—or should he say, someone missing. “So where’s your date?”

Your smile fell, making Taehyung regret his question and a feeling of dread hit him at your crestfallen expression. He hated seeing your eyes lose the spark they always had and the way your lips would curve into a small frown.

“He’s dancing with some Beauxbaton girl.”

Taehyung looked to where you had nodded at, easily spotting Kihyun with a brunette. His lips curled up into a disapproving sneer when he saw the two of them making out on the dance floor. “Be right back, I’m going to go curse him. I think the jelly-legs curse should work, right?”

Before Taehyung could pull out his wand and march toward them, your hand reached out for his wrist to stop him. “That’s not very Hufflepuff of you.”

He was somewhat relieved to see a ghost of a smile on your face when he turned to look back at you.

“Anyway, I think I should head back to my dorm.”

Now, it was Taehyung’s turn to stop you and he hooked his arm through yours to keep you close. He was not going to let you go anywhere, especially not when he knew how much you were looking forward to this night. He wasn’t going to let an inconsiderate jerk ruin that for you.

“I think we should stop Jungkook from going into a dessert coma, eat the rest of the sweets, and get some butterbeer to cheer you up.” Taehyung suggested. “What do you say?”

The spark in your eyes returned at his suggestion. “I say lead the way.”

Just as Taehyung had said, your first stop was at the dessert bar where he stopped Jungkook and Jin from shoving any more sweets into their mouths only to challenge them to see who could drink the most glasses of butterbeer in a minute. You grinned as Hoseok’s timer went off, slamming down your fourth empty glass onto the table. Jungkook and Jin let out a groan in defeat as they put their glasses down, which were still half filled. Taehyung, on the other hand, showed good sportsmanship and gave you a high-five.

“That’s my girl.” He grinned back at you and you weren’t sure if you were blushing due to his words or the fact that you had just chugged down four glasses of butterbeer under a minute.

You didn’t have time to dwell on it too much since Jimin grabbed Jungkook’s hand, ushering him to the dance floor where Jimin’s girlfriend and her friends were. Not wanting to be the only one dragged along, Jungkook grasped Taehyung’s hand and Taehyung was quick to grab your hand, pulling you along as well before you could escape.

“I don’t know how to dance!” You cried in protest, knowing it was a lie.

“I don’t care!”

“Well, it was worth a shot.” You mumbled to yourself as you let Taehyung lead you to the dance floor.

**

The whole incident with Kihyun was long forgotten thanks to Taehyung. What you thought was going to be a bad night turned into an incredibly fun night as you had hoped for. Taehyung made sure the smile on your face never faded away, especially as you two danced along with his friends to the upbeat music. You had formed a circle, taking turns as to who would be in the middle for a “solo.” You couldn’t stop laughing when Seokjin decided to do his famous traffic dance and the other guys joined in on it.

When the song you were dancing to ended and a slower song started, you planned to follow Jungkook and your friends off the dance floor but was held back by a hand grasping yours. It intertwined itself with your fingers and knowing who it was, you slowly lifted your gaze to meet with Taehyung’s and nothing could prepare you for the way he was looking at you. You swore your heart stopped beating for a moment…

“May I have this dance?”

“If you stop giving me that sultry look, I’d be more than happy, too.” You replied, allowing him to guide you back onto the dance floor as the performer began to sing.

“This magic moment...”

Taehyung dropped his façade, returning back to his usual self as he gave you a goofy look. “What sultry look?”

“You’re unbelievable.” You laughed—a bit relieved and slightly disappointed he was only messing around with you.

He pulled you in closer, resting his freehand on the small of your back and you rested yours on his shoulder. He leaned in toward you briefly as if he hadn’t heard you, catching you off guard and making your body tense up.

“Unbelievably handsome? Thank you.”

Your body relaxed and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding as you glared at him. “You’re lucky it’s true.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Did you just lowkey call me handsome?”

Instead of replying to his already answered question, you glanced down at the floor and was quick to change the subject. “You know, the floor reminds me of home. Every time winter comes and the lake by my house freezes—“

“You get your ice skating shoes and skate the day away.” Taehyung finished for you and when you turned to look at him surprised that he knew that, he smiled. “Birdie told me when you were feeling homesick one day and I figured since you’re not going home for the holidays, I’d bring some of it to you…even if it’s just a tiny detail.”

You felt your heart swell at the revelation of his sweet gesture and being at a loss of words, you hugged him close, never wanting to let him go. You didn’t know what came over you. You felt so warm, so happy and so content with dancing with him that the only thing you could think of was showing him how you felt through an action rather than words.

“You’re unbelievable, Kim Taehyung.”

The two of you continued to slow dance and you rested your head against his chest, finding comfort in the beating of his heart that was beginning to speed up.  

“Unbelievably amazing? Thank you.”

You looked up to send him another glare for complimenting himself once again but as you did so, you realized that he had been staring down at you all this time. His honey brown eyes seemed to smile at you, the gold flecks in them glistening. This was the first time you were so close to him that wasn’t in the middle of a competitive Quidditch match.

“You’re really beautiful.”

Taehyung spoke whatever he had in mind—which was both a blessing and a curse—and judging by the way his eyes had widened at his own words, you realized he had even caught himself off guard.

“Is that what you meant to tell me earlier?” You teased, despite the fact that you were freaking out on the inside as he spun you around to keep you from seeing the blush rising to his cheeks.

Taehyung had called you beautiful many times before so you didn’t know why this time affected you so much but there was no denying that it did. If only he wasn’t too busy hiding his own flustered cheeks, he’d realize that you were blushing, too…as a result of the butterflies in your stomach awakening—a strong feeling you hadn’t felt in a while.

“Everything I want, I have. Whenever I hold you tight.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, pulling you close to him once again, his eyes never leaving yours and that’s when he felt it.

That familiar tugging on his heartstring that made him feel strange and vulnerable but sweet and comforting at the same time. He thought back to all the times the two of you hung out, sharing joy and laughter or sometimes sharing sorrow and stress and in that moment, he realized just how dear your presence was to him.

Slowly pushing one of your loose curls behind your ear, he smiled down at you genuinely. He wanted to continue to be with you and as you smiled back up at him, the feeling grew even more intense and he began to wonder how your lips would feel against his…

Holy shit.

Now he understood why he had felt so upset over Kihyun asking you out...His hands began to feel clammy and he loosened his grip on your hand only for you to tighten your own grip on his, keeping him from making an escape and making his emotions run high.

“[Y/N]…”

“Yes…” You managed to choke out, not sure whether you meant that as a question or comfirmation.

Taehyung took it as the latter. He leaned forward slowly and hesitantly and you could only stare up at him until his eyes closed and his lips were pressed against yours. They felt so soft, so warm against yours. You couldn’t believe that you were kissing your best friend...and you were more than okay with it.

It almost didn’t register in your mind and you were too late to fully react to it since he pulled away. His eyes searched yours for any hint of disgust and he opened his mouth ready to apologize but was cut off when you let go of his hand to cup his face and bring his lips to yours again but this time with more force.

“This magic moment…while your lips are close to mine.”

All of his worries seemed so ridiculous in that moment and he allowed himself to melt into the kiss, savoring the sweet taste of your lips as he pulled you in closer—chest to chest and heart to heart.

"Holy shit," he whispered, pulling away as the song was coming to an end. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“Same.” You agreed breathlessly as the two of you stared at each other with wide eyes, your dancing coming to a stop.

“Will last forever, forever till the end of time.”

The next day, you and Taehyung were walking together when you spotted Kihyun and the pretty Beauxbaton girl from last night down the hall. By the looks of it, things didn’t seem to be going well for them as they were last night.  The Beauxbaton glared at a distressed Kihyun. “You sure had a lot to say to me last night but now you don’t even want to talk to me?”

Kihyun opened his mouth as if he were to speak but no sound came out. This seemed to only anger the girl even more as she roughly pushed him aside and stormed off.

“What’s up with him?” You couldn’t help but wonder out loud.

“He must be tongue-tied after all the false promises he makes.” Taehyung replied nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders, urging for the two of you to continue walking.

“Kim Taehyung…” You trailed off as you caught sight of the slight quirk of his lips. You couldn’t believe that he was capable of doing such a thing. Shoot, this sounded like something you’d do. 

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Unbelievably the best boyfriend? Thank you!”

[survivedeathvalley]

EPISODE 1 - “TIME FOR SOME BRO AND TELL” - GIRUGA MESH

I am so excited to be competing! Everyone seems like such nice people and I can't wait to play in the challenges and do my very best!

Mattie is such a Basic Bitch(TM) and it's killing me. Like I'm not that great of an actress, I am a superb liar but I am a shitty actress. Why? because humor is the only thing that keeps me from going insane and I made Mattie such a basic bitch that she can't use any of my "quirks" or fun thoughts and theories. And now Mattie just mentioned death by dehydration, motherfucker! I am so going to be first boot it's not even funny. UwU

I just wanna talk about my feelings about being on the neutral tribe... I do consider myself on the Chaotic Neutral/Chaotic Good side of things. The chaos comes from my crazy emotions. I'm a Pisces so I'm sensitive and emotional. Also I'm actually kinda happy about being on a tribe of 6 people. I NATURALLY gravitate towards Bianca. I know who Paul is cause he slipped up in the tribe chat. So I feel good :)

OK SO i said i was retired but i adore logan and i wanna see what i can do without my baggage of the past that fukt me in ts all stars so phew. the people on my team seem chill, idk why but for some reason i get the feeling that theyre younger than me which doesnt make sense since im only 20 but anyway. I know that i type very specially and use phrases a lot so its gonna be hard to stop doing that bc if any of these people know me at all its gonna be a dead giveaway! 

So I've spent all day at Disney World today and I finally get back to the hotel and come online to speak to my tribe.  No one has talked to me one on one yet so... yeah,  no idea.  I said in the main chat I just got off work and I checked online to see Chick-fil-a's hours to make sure my story checked out too. :* We'll see what happens, on to figuring out this challenge!

First off: When I read this... Confess your sins, your dirty-dirty bad bads, your evil twisted thoughts here. It made me think of the dialogue in a bad porno. http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lthhgjZ1xY1qg39ewo1_500.gif Second off: I do quite enjoy the concept of this alias season. I like the idea of going into the game as a fresh face with a fresh personality and playing along with other people that I don't have any idea of. It kind of rekindles the fun that I have when I get to play in seasons with newbies. http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/excited-baby.gif Then, of course, I remember that these are not newbies so some of that fire loses a little oxygen. https://media.giphy.com/media/BmMU3LOfNMMeI/giphy.gif But, I'll try to convince myself that we're all playing for the first time. 

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So far I've noticed a few things about my tribemates. I don't think anything can be applied specifically to the individual given that I haven't really reached a stage to call people out... but, some of them are hung up on the fact that this a catfish season. When messaging them they tell me that it's awkward and when I tell them that the dog in my profile picture is my dog Donut they ask if it is "for real". I'm trying to play up this characters of Jenny for them because I thought that was the goal and I need these people to get on board. https://media.giphy.com/media/KGHtHISczyhHO/giphy.gif

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Wow, that last bit probably makes me come off as quite the rude person. Yikes! I need to get over myself a little. I get that easing ones self into a new situation can be challenging... sooo I'll give them a shot while continuing to respond to any and all questions and comments as Jenny would. http://replygif.net/i/440.gif

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So far I think my favorite people are Tanner, Kai, and Adelaide. I'd like to think I'd enjoy Wash as well but they went to bed shortly after starting communication with me. I don't think (so far as I know and god I hope not) that anyone has come up with a plan to ally yet so I'm just going to continue chatting to get my feelers in those waters. http://media1.giphy.com/media/BqHng2hpjOUdW/giphy.gif

Hopefully Jenny will appear charming enough to begin allying with these people. She needs some throats to slit later down the road and can only start to burn the bridges once she's built them - unfortunately!

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Alright, so I wanted to show my excitement at this game because I've played a real-life version called Tsuro with my friends where you are dragons and I'm hugely board game obsessed... but that's nowhere in Jenny's character and I don't feel like making any content about her up unless I absolutely have to! https://uberflip.cdntwrk.com/files/aHViPTIxOCZjbWQ9aXRlbWVkaXRvcmltYWdlJmZpbGVuYW1lPWl0ZW1lZGl0b3JpbWFnZV81NmQ4NDkzNzFjM2I0LmdpZiZ2ZXJzaW9uPTAwMDAmc2lnPTIxMTE0OTVlM2I1Y2M2NWVlYjMzOTE3OTcyMDExZmI0 Also, I was being truthful when I said the challenge is hard... like, I guess I'm having some difficulties processing the path or something because I keep crashing absurdly early. I'm hoping that by tomorrow when others have played it they will be able to talk me through getting a decent score so our tribe doesn't have to go and I won't have to face the possibility of being first boot (which is likely).

Ok! So basically, Kat just asked me for an alliance??? It's legit night one like chill, but obviously I ain't gunna turn down an ally so i'll play along. I was like "OMG YAHHH I NEVER HAVE ALLIES ON SURVIVOR ORGS" hopefully that makes her think im like a 100% on board... in realist im like 40% on board. It's SHADee as FUCK to try and propose an alliance so early... Also, Giruga (or whatever) is legit annoying as fuck. I think ever sentence he has said thus far has the word "bro" in it? Like can you not be annoying as fuck for no reason... I get it is an alias season, but they dont give you no free pass to be as obnoxious as possible. Praying we win this challenge... hopefully get first because I could totally use a reward with possibility of an advantage in the game. GIMME THAT IDOL. If we do happen to lose I cant wait for the ugly bro culture of Giruga to be the first boot this season deserves.

Honestly I love my tribe and everyone seem so nice  Not knowing who people really are is kinda crazy but I'll get use to it. 

That challenge was crazy and I'm glad it's almost over with. 

I'm bored so I'm just gonna... make another confessional. What does this alias twist mean to me? I wanna be able to make the most of it and be able to play the game I'm never capable of playing as my real self. As who am actually am I suck at seperating emotion and strategy so I'm gonna try to be as emotionless as possible, which I actually think will be easy considering idk who anyone is....... except 2 people perhaps. Anyway time to flop at this challenge xoxox give me a good edit please

i'm typing like gabby bc i don't wanna get out of practice. why is it that the only person that talks to me is misty? bianca i c that u're on and you don't respond to me you're the first person im gonna target. i swear i've sent a 'hey' message to every1 on my tribe and the only one that responded was MISTY.  then marco or whatever his name is hasn't even accepted my friend request yet... i see how it is.

Later...

I mean I figured we didn't do fantastic but losing by over half.... sucks.  a lot.  Misty and uh.... someone else just called Marco out for not accepting anyones friend request... maybe that means we can vote him out this round to ensure I stay. :) 

https://youtu.be/NSE7BsDWti0

https://youtu.be/mn4vdHFOM88

I forgot we were the Titus tribe but then I realized we got 2nd so I am very proud of my tribe! We did it yay!

So we just got 2nd and are immune this week I'm so happy. Whoever gets voted out will be crazy bc no one wants to be first boot but the weakest should go!

So, not only does Kat approach me as an alliance, but i just got approached by William and Layla, too? Damn I cant believe im winning this game :))) Anyway, supposedly Kat and William are ORG newbies? Not sure if that is a lie, but that doesnt shrink their targets by any means... Also thank the fucking survivor gods this Bro bitch aint on our tribe for the next 20 hours!!!! I hope he burns in the Devil's butthole along with his meninst culture.

So UMMMM I'm gonna just spearhead this plan to get Marco out cause he hasn't spoken... at all. I'm not afraid to take control of my tribe at this point cause the inacts gotta go. Mattie/Gabby are both pretty active so I wanna work with them. Bianca's my goddess so I wanna work with her too. It sucks she got removed or else I would've formed a majority with them. Rn I'm telling everyone "If you watch out for me I'll do the same for you blah blah blah" and making deals w/ everyone because that's how I play! Let's hope it works out xoxoxo

okay, i've been trying to be a super sleuth to figure out these identities...  I really think that Misty is really Nic.  Misty is from Georgia and Nic is from Georgia, and I think they are from around the same area.  Nic knows that I am from Georgia and now he knows that Gabby is from Georgia too so I hope he doesn't put it together, I think that I'm typing differently enough and I lowkey think he believes that whoever is behind Gabby really works at chick fil a because I've been doing my homework. I'm not sure who Mattie is yet, but I'm having a hard time NOT mentioning how much I love Glee because then I think people would obviously know who I am- or they would think that I'm Ashley Sarah, but Mattie was talking about Scream Queens and I desperately wanted to say I LOVE LEA MICHELE but I kept my cool. I lowkey think that Mattie might be Pippa though, they remind me of each other.   Everyone else....?  I still have no idea. 

Not much has happened so far. I've talked to a few people but nothing has really moved forward. I was happy to go to the devil's hole, although I didn't end up finding anything. I'm glad I got a chance to meet people from the other tribes though. It was interesting to find out that they have people who haven't even spoken in tribe chat yet? That's crazy. Also it's fun to try to guess who's who. I mean, it's possible I don't even already know the people on my tribe, but it's still fun to try to figure out who they could be. I haven't really gotten there yet. Although I wonder if Alex Raine is a bit new to the community because he's a comp beast, yet he's showing it and making it obvious and making himself a target. I don't know, he seems cool and we've talked a bit, but come merge that could be tricky for him. In terms of alliances, there aren't any yet that I'm really aware of, but Jenny and Alex are the only ones I've talked to that much and I'd be happy to work with them, despite being a little nervous that Alex is a target. He's nice and hopefully his social game is as good as his physical.

aaaaa  i got 378 score   aaaa

Bye I'm going home today...  I'm shook at how fast this game started and I saw in the tribe chat that people were complaining that I hadn't added anyone yet but I didn't get any contact requests from any of them either hm!! Anyway unless I can pull myself out of the dirt somehow I'm totally screwed right now... im an easy target bc I was not here the first day and easy targets are always just easy to vote out the first week rip...

Nothing really. I haven't acted on my plans of being an aggressive player this season, so maybe I'll adapt and get a new strategy going later. Good luck to me

Right now I feel like a mess because I keep forgetting to check skype and missing important stuff. But right now the general consensus according to Misty is to vote out Marco because he literally does not exist and hasn't added any of us. I love a good first round flop. I feel like if I start showing my fabulous personality I could have a good shot at surviving if we go to tribal again, however people might be weary of me now that I've gone to the Devil's Hole, even though I got nothing. Rob wouldn't even let me keep the rock. :'(

I can't believe I'm pippa 

these bitches are so bland and boring BYE

Why did I make Kat so happy and grammatically correct all the time I'm so used to keyboard smashing like jsjsjahajak. I literally cringe every time I add an exclamation point like pls... settle down... I regret this so much nnnn. Anyways- The people I'm closest to rn are Dianna and William because we have an alliance. I'm also good with Giruga, but that's probably because he's such a talkative person-- and so is Dianna. It's really important for me to show my worth to these people so they don't target me because social players run the early premerge. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that so far. I'm also playing it off like this is my first time playing an org, which will make me seem less threatening. I don't really know if that'll play off since we're all catfish, but I figure the more utr I am right now the better. 

Well, I can't get into my Paul account so I'm probably being voted out. Peace ✌️ 

EP 1 EDGIC

http://prntscr.com/f4zaus