#Ashes to ashes series

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Contemporary,

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Content Warning: Suicide, Suicide attempt, Suicidal thoughts, Alcoholism, Alcohol, Sexual content, Death of parent, Rape, Fatphobia

Summary: Think Mary, Kat, and Lillia have nothing left to lose? Think again. The fiery conclusion to the Burn for Burn trilogy from New York Times bestselling author of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (soon to be a major motion picture!), Jenny Han, and New York Times bestselling author of The List , Siobhan Vivian.

They only meant to right the wrongs. It was about getting even . Burn for burn.

But the fire they lit kept raging…Reeve ended up hurt, then Rennie ended up dead.

Everything will turn to ash if they don’t stop what they started. But now that Mary knows the truth about what happened to her, will she want to?

Secrets drew Lillia, Kat, and Mary together. The truth might tear them apart.

*Opinions*

This is one of the first series I bought once I got back into reading and had adult money to purchase it, and it is even longer since I read the first novel. There is a dopamine hit from that something that any book lovers understand. As the final book in a trilogy, this novel wraps up a lot of the storylines, but I felt as if it wrapped up too quickly. Especially when the second novel was over 500 pages. Obviously, this review is going to be full of spoilers. 

Ashes to Ashes follows the events after the tragic New Year's Eve that ends with Rennie being killed by Mary. Mary, now realizes that she is dead and a vengeful spirit that can do serious harm to others. She sets her eyes on Kat and Lillia, who she feels betrayed her by befriending and dating Reeve before deciding that Reeve needs to die. As Kat and Lillia attempt to pay attention to their senior year spring break and prom, Mary continues to torment them. When Mary realizes that Reeve needs to kill himself, she reveals herself to Lillia and makes her break up with Reeve, who she has fallen in love with. Now that Lillia and Kat are aware that Mary is a spirit they have to race to try and bind her before she hurts someone else. However, Mary wants revenge to cross over and she will have it one way or another. 

I think that this is a satisfying conclusion to the series, but I wanted more from it, especially at the very end of the novel. Kat, Lillia, and Reeve went through so much trauma and did so many things that deeply impacted their future, but it is all glossed over. On one hand, I understand that this was a story about the three girls, and with Mary gone, the story has to end. However, I would have gotten more about Reeve following the footsteps of his brother, Kat changing her plans and going to NYU, and Lillia and Alex finally being together. Now, I did appreciate that Lillia and Alex went all the way through college before starting a relationship, but after all the back and forth I would have liked to see them happy a little longer. Again, the romance was not the point of the story, but it was a big part of it. 

One thing that bothered me about this book is the way that sex has been treated throughout the three books, but it became very clear in this novel. Lillia, my poor girl, decides to have sex with the boy she loves and literally has to break up with him the same night. I do appreciate that Han and Vivian did not make her regret having sex with Reeve, but it really wasn’t necessary, especially after she was raped at the beginning of the very first book. I am glad that Lillia went on a healing journey to feel comfortable having sex, it is important for young women to see that, but she suffers so much in these novels that I feel like she could have just broken up with Reeve without the sex. Especially because the reason she used to break up with him was finding out about Mary, it had nothing to do with sex. They didn’t need to do that to my girl. 

I think that the way Mary is written descending into madness was really well done. Everything she does makes sense, especially when you put yourself into a teenager's shoes. Mary is abandoned by her family, realizes that she is dead, and then sees her two friends betraying her and breaking their pact. I never warmed up to Reeve, but the way she tortured him was so unsettling, especially as she was attempting to get him to attempt suicide. The fact that she was so far gone that it didn’t matter that Reeve did feel bad about killing her, she needed to make him hurt. I would have liked a little more time with her realization that no one was to blame for her killing herself besides herself, and it was done a little more elegantly, but I enjoyed that Mary saved her friends in the end. 

Kat’s plotline was the weakest one in this novel, mostly focused on attempting to get accepted into college. It makes sense for the spell they do at the end of the novel, but she is really just there to move the plot along. There is some character growth with Kat realizing that she doesn’t have to be so mean, though it was never addressed that she had to shut herself off because Rennie made everyone shun her. Also, I would have liked it if they addressed the fact that Kat and Alex hooked up a little more, even if they shifted into a friendship role. 

Lillia is my favorite character and I just wanted to protect her because she goes through the ringer in this series. At the beginning of the pact, she has the smallest to gain in messing with Alex and yet she is made to pretend to fall in love with Reeve, then actually falls in love with him, and then has to break up with him to keep everyone alive. She also loses her best friend, who is not a good person and I did not care that she died, because of this pact. I have already talked about the sex of it all, but I just wanted her to be left alone for a couple of chapters. 

Speaking of Rennie, I still felt as if her death was only used for a plot progression and because they had no idea what to do with her anymore. I wish it would have Mary to hurt someone she hadn’t meant to, that she had become the same as Reeve. There was so much that could have been done with Rennie and I felt like they wanted to get her out of the way to focus on Reeve and Lillia. I wish more would have been done with Lillia’s and Nadia’s relationship since it was such a motivating factor in the first novel. 

I know that it sounds like I hated this novel, but I was stressed for a good part of the reading of this novel. I was satisfied with this novel, but personally want more from the characters which is interesting since this is a character-driven novel. I think this is a well-written YA novel and has teenage characters that act like teenagers. I would recommend but for higher YA readers. 3.5 stars. 

[galedekarios]

Gale: A natural impulse to try and shield one’s loved ones from danger, especially when you feel a moral compunction to run head-first towards it.

[i-only-see-daylight]

Aelin: If I died-

Rowan, sharpening his knives: Death will not get you out of this relationship.

[drachis917]

Okay fellas I know we're all super hyped from Grian's announcement. Them all recording something next week that's gonna be wild sounds awesome, but I feel the need to remind people:

If the new videos are not Life Series related, we should not get mad and complain in their comments.

Yes, I fully acknowledge that we'll probably be a bit disappointed if it isn't that after all the hints, but the creators are allowed to do what they want. It's their content, and we shouldn't be demanding things from them. If you can't be supportive, at least be respectful.

[acourtofquestions]

“If you were to ask me what Throne of Glass is about…

I’d say it’s about the epic journey of a teenage assassin in a corrupt kingdom.

But if you were to ask me on a deeper level, I’d say…

It’s about how small acts of kindness can change the outcome of the world.

Money to a barmaid, waiting an extra minute to shoot, a warning in a competition, a cloak in a cold dungeon, a message on a wall, sharing your lavender soap.”

[pedrospatch]

a safe haven l ten

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: After a long night, Joel and Ellie take you home.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. (TW) THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF AN INJURY SUSTAINED FROM AN ACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, PREGNANCY, CONVERSATIONS SURROUNDING PREGNANCY LOSS . PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. Ellie and reader are very close to each other, Joel deals with feelings of guilt, Joel and Maria make nice, Joel gives reader a bath and washes her hair, food consumption (i am just gonna apologize to my lactose intolerant folks right now, trust me i must pretend with you), both reader and Joel have some big feelings, reader mentions her deceased father, angst, soft and domestic Joel, fluff.

word count: 5k

a/n: i have not updated this series since october. :l i feel a a mixed bag of emotions updating after all this time, but most of all, i am grateful to know there are a couple of people out there who are still invested in this story. to anyone who has been waiting: truly, it means the world that you have shown me patience, support, and kindness. believe me, i am going to be seeing this story to the end, and it is all thanks to those who continue to show this lil story of mine a whole lotta love. special shoutout to the loveliest human @mrsmando who made me this beautiful mooodboard every single time i got stuck during this chapter, i looked at it and it gave me the boost of inspiration i needed. thank you mimi <33 this chapter is fairly tame, the next chapter is already in the works, and there are a couple of time jumps coming. overall, we are down to the last handful of chapters. let’s finish this story and give these two the ending they deserve, shall we?

“What the hell is taking Tommy so fucking long?” Ellie whines. She’s sprawled out on the couch with her head in your lap, and her arm draped over her eyes. Her feet are hanging, dangling over the edge of the couch at an odd angle after you’d warned her not to get muck from her sneakers on the linen fabric. Despite Joel insisting over and over that she head on back to the house, she had stubbornly refused, not wanting to leave your side. “It’s been over two hours! He’s taking fucking forever, man. What’s the fucking hold up?”

Joel bites back a sigh, masking his own impatience. Or at least, he tries. He’s grown just as restless as the kid, if not more. Much like Ellie, he’s desperate. He’s itching to take you home already, almost too anxious to watch you take that first step over his threshold, and into your new life with him and with Ellie. He aches, aches, to get you settled into the place where you would be spending the remainder of your days with one another, where you would be safe, and loved in the way you deserved to be loved—the place where he would cherish and adore you until his final breath.

“Don’t know,” he answers, his voice sounding rougher, more gruff than usual. Reaching up, he scrubs his hand down the side of his face, adding tiredly, “He might be a while longer, kiddo. It could be another hour, could be more. Like I already told you, s’probably best if you just go on and head back to the house without us, alright?”

“No. I’m not walking out that fucking door unless she’s with me.” She pauses and pulls her arm away from her face for a moment, just long enough to throw a teeny glare his way. “Unless you’re both with me. The three of us go home together, or it’s no fucking deal. Got it?”

He shakes his head in utter exasperation.

“Ellie, we’ll be right here down the fuckin’ road—”

Her hand shoots out and she flips him off.

Just when he’s about to chastise her, he stops himself, clamping his mouth shut. It’s pointless.

Kid’s too goddamn hard headed for her own good, and Joel knows he’s just wasting his breath with her.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” you reassure them both, weaving your fingers through her hair to scratch at her scalp in an effort to soothe her. “Right, Joel?”

He meets your exhausted, worn down gaze from where he’s standing across the room, and his heart lurches in his chest. As the guilt begins creeping in, he’s forced to look away. He can’t imagine the living hell you had been through over the last twenty four hours alone. And the worst part about it was the realization that last night, while he was fast asleep in bed just a couple of houses up the road, that fucking bastard had his belt wrapped around your throat.

Joel feels sick to his fucking stomach all over again.

Horrifying, vividly real images of you helplessly trapped underneath Luke scratching and clawing at the leather around your neck with trembling fingers, struggling to breathe oxygen into your burning lungs as he tugged it tighter and tighter through the buckle flash in his mind, a gruesome nightmare turned into reality.

Exactly how far had Luke taken it?

Until you had grown too weak to keep fighting?

Until you almost lost complete consciousness?

Until he noticed the life threatening to leave your eyes?

Is that when he had finally stopped pulling on the belt?

Joel shudders, a bitter taste climbing up his throat as it sinks in. He could have lost you—and his unborn child.

This shouldn’t have happened.

He shouldn’t have let you walk away that night.

This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t let you walk away from him that night.

“Joel,” you say his name, quiet and weary.

His head snaps back in your direction and he glances at you, almost missing the subtle shake of your head. It is a silent warning telling him not to go there, though you know by the tight clench of his jaw it’s too late for that.

Joel makes the futile attempt to hide it, but he sees it written all over your face—you know what he’s thinking because you know him like the back of your own hand, and you just know he’s placing all of the blame for what happened to you on his own shoulders.

But can you honestly fault him for that?

How can you expect him not to feel like he is somehow responsible for this? Just how the hell is he supposed to make himself believe he hadn’t failed you?

Joel promised—he had fucking promised you—that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. He had sworn to keep you safe, made a vow to protect you from Luke, but here you are, your soft, delicate flesh marred with the painful evidence of yet another one of his failures.

And it was all because he had let you walk away on that fucking night.

He should have done something.

Even if it meant running the risk of you never speaking to him again—even if you never forgave him, spent the rest of your life angry and hating him for going against your wishes. He should have something.

“Joel—”

“Be right back,” he mutters, lightly shaking his head.

Shoving away from the doorframe he’s leaning against, Joel pivots on the heel of his boot and starts down the hallway. He walks into the kitchen where he finds Maria standing at the counter, tapping her fingers against the smooth, laminated oakwood as she waits for the coffee she’d offered him a few minutes ago to finish brewing. She’d offered to whip up a quick supper, but food was the last thing on everyone’s mind.

���Tommy’s been gone for a couple hours now. Girls are startin’ to get real tired of just sittin’ around waitin’ for him to come back,” he tells her, exhaling the sigh he’d held back in the living room. “What do you think could be keepin’ him so long?”

With her back still to him, Maria reminds him, “Well, he did mention he was going to round up the council and get them together for an emergency meeting.” She lets out a sigh that matches his own—it’s been a long night for her, too. When the last drop of dark roast drips into the glass pot, she carefully takes the pot by the plastic handle and pours the steaming coffee into a speckled, white and blue ceramic mug. “Do you take it with milk and sugar?”

“No thanks, that’s alright,” he declines as politely as he can.

“I also have cinnamon if you’d like?”

“Plain black’s just fine.” He gives her a nod of gratitude when she hands it to him. “Thank you. And I don’t just mean the coffee, but for, uh—for bandagin’ up my hand for me, too.” He clocks the brief look of surprise on her face and almost laughs. He doesn’t blame her for being taken aback, because truth be told, so is he. Since he’d met Maria, he had known she didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. There was something of a mutual understanding between them, a silent agreement they had made to keep each other at arm’s length, to only interact when it was absolutely necessary.

Never did he think he would be standing in her kitchen, thanking her for patching up his hand, and for making him a cup of coffee out of the kindness of her heart.

His brother wouldn’t believe it.

“Don’t mention it.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she leans back against the counter. “How’s it feel, by the way?”

“S’fine,” he replies, shrugging. “Nothin’ I can’t handle.”

There’s a momentary silence. A taste of tension lingers over their heads, and he knows at one point or another, he’s going to have to address the affair, the very reason everything had unfolded in such a terrible manner.

Guess now’s as good a time as fuckin’ any, he thinks to himself with an inward sigh.

Joel lightly clears his throat. “Listen, since we’ve got a minute alone, just the two of us, I was wonderin’ if, uh—if we could talk ‘bout somethin’? If that’s alright?”

“Of course.” Maria gives him the floor.

“I know that she—” Pausing, he shuffles from the heel of one boot to the other, his ears burning hot. He had known it wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have, but he underestimated just how uncomfortable it would be, regardless of what she already knew. “I know she told you and Tommy all ‘bout us, and ‘bout our relationship. See, the thing is, the first time I saw her—”

Again, Joel stops, the burning sensation now radiating, spreading from his ears to his face and down his neck, flushing his skin a deep, deep shade of pink. Unable to meet his sister in law’s gaze, he glances down into his mug, as if he will somehow find the right words to say somewhere in the depths of his coffee.

“It was never my intention, y’know,” he finally says after a minute. “Goin’ after a married woman. I swear, I never meant to fall for her. I just fuckin’ did. I think I might’ve fallen for her long before I even met her,” he confesses. He feels himself darken to a shade of maroon under her curious stare. “And somehow, for reasons I ain’t all too sure I’ll ever understand, she fell for me too.”

Maria raises an eyebrow at him. “Look, I’m not judging you, Joel,” she assures him, shaking her head. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not judging her, either.”

He looks up at her, blurting out, “You’re not?”

She moves her hands to cradle her swollen middle. “Do I wish you two had handled everything differently?” she answers her own query with a nod of her head. “Oh, I’m sure we all do. But I’ve known her for a long time now. I know the kind of woman she is. And I’m starting to see the kind of man you are.”

“And what kinda man is that, Maria?”

He waits without the slightest clue as to what she could possibly say.

“Since you came back to Jackson, I’ve chosen to keep my distance from you—but make no mistake, I’ve been watching you like a hawk since day one. Waiting for any signs of trouble. Waiting for you to fuck up. Waiting for you to give me a good reason to throw your ass out of this community because I didn’t trust you. Not after all the things I was told about you.”

He snorts. “You goin’ somewhere with this?”

“You are not who I thought you were,” Maria admits, smiling wryly. “I’ve gotten to see a different side of you. You pull your weight around here by doing your job and doing it well. You stay out of trouble—for the most part. And more importantly, I have seen the way that you’ve stepped up to be a father figure to Ellie. It takes a good man to do that, Joel.”

“Think that’s the nicest fuckin’ thing you’ve ever said to me,” he muses, setting his mug down on the counter. “I stepped up because I love her. I love them both. Those two, they’re the best parts of me. They’re the reasons I keep goin’ and now I’ve got another reason on the way.”

Maria smiles, but it vanishes as quickly as it appears.

Catching her hesitance, Joel asks, “What? What is it?”

“What comes next is not going to be easy,” she warns him, lowering her voice. Even with the living room a fair distance from the kitchen, she doesn’t want to run the risk of you overhearing her. “For as hard as we’re going to try to contain the fire, it will spread, and everyone in this town will find out about everything—including the affair. People are going to talk, and believe me, they’re going to have a whole lot to say about it, Joel.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at her.

“Think I can handle some fuckin’ gossip, Maria.”

“I know you can. But I’m not sure if she can,” Maria tells him, quietly. “It worries me. She’s been through a lot in just one night alone. I don’t want her stressing anymore than she already has. She is in a very delicate stage of her pregnancy right now, Joel. If she’s not careful, she could have a miscarriage. She had one about two years ago when her father became sick—” Observing his lack of a reaction, she realizes, “You knew that already.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. He knows where she’s going with this. “I did. She told me ‘bout it.”

“It makes her chances of having another one higher—”

Joel doesn’t even allow himself to think of it happening to you again. “I get it,” he interjects, trying not to sound too curt. “I’ll make sure she takes it real easy, alright?”

Lifting a hand off her belly, she reaches out and takes a hold of his forearm, gripping it tightly.

“Promise me something, Joel. Promise me that you’ll look after her,” Maria pleads him, gently. “Please. After everything she’s been through—I need you to promise me that she’s going to be in good hands with you.”

He nods. Without thinking, he places his hand over hers in an unexpected token of affection and reassurance. “You have my word, Maria. I’ll take good care of her.”

She gives his arm a grateful squeeze, then glances over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. “It’s getting pretty late. We don’t know how much longer Tommy’s going to be with the council. Why don’t we just go ahead and call it a night?” she suggests. “We can all get together first thing in the morning at your place to talk about it.”

“Yeah, good idea,” he agrees. “She really needs to rest.”

Maria gives his arm another squeeze. 

“Go on then, Joel. Take your girls home.”

“Finally!” Ellie exclaims with a dramatic flail of her arms as she shoves through the front door.

“Alright, kiddo. Get your behind upstairs and into the shower,” Joel instructs her, flipping on the lights in the foyer. “Y’smell like fuckin’ horse shit.”

She lifts the collar of her shirt to her nose, takes a whiff, and makes a face. “Yeah, I won’t argue with you there,” she mutters. She toes off her dirty sneakers and leaves them beside the door before dashing up the staircase, taking two steps at a time.

He shouts after her, “And don’t use up all the hot—”

“Yeah, yeah, I fucking know the rules, dude!”

Moments later, you both hear the shower going.

“Little shit,” he grumbles.

You exhale an amused huff through your nose.

Joel withdraws his arm from around your shoulders and reaches for your hand, lacing your fingers together. “C’mon, darlin’.” He guides you up the stairs and down the hallway into his bedroom where he switches on the light before proceeding to lead you over to his dresser. “I’ve got a bunch of shirts in this top drawer here,” he says. Dropping your hand, he pulls it open for you and gestures to it with a jut of his chin as he takes a step backwards, moving out of the way. “Go ahead and pick one to sleep in tonight. Want you to be comfortable, so help yourself to whichever one you want, sweet girl.”

Nodding, you begin to rummage through the drawer, unaware of the moment he slips away. You reach for a t-shirt, but then a plaid green flannel catches your eye. You pluck it from the drawer, running your fingers over the soft, warm fabric. “Is it alright if I wear—?” You turn around, stopping mid sentence when you realize he’s no longer standing behind you. Puzzled, you follow the sound of running water into the bathroom where you find him kneeling beside the tub. “Joel? What are you doing?”

“Runnin’ you a bath.”

You notice the bloodied bandage beside him on the tile floor. “Joel, are you serious?” you scold him. “Maria just patched your hand up for you.”

“S’okay, peach. I can rewrap it when we’re done.” Joel sticks his injured hand under the faucet to check the temperature, the cold water soothing his cuts. Once it turns warm, then hot, he pulls out his hand, waiting for the tub to fill halfway before shutting the faucet off and rising to his feet. “C’mere, sweetheart.” He rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his forearms, then beckons for you with both of his hands. “Let’s get you washed up.”

You remain standing by the door. “Joel, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know.”

“I’m capable of washing myself—”

“Yeah, I know that too,” he says, chuckling. “S’only fair, darlin’. Don’t you think?”

That’s when it hits you—how this moment is mirroring that night you had cleaned Joel up after you and Ellie had brought him home from the clinic with an injured shoulder. He allowed you to take care of him, and now, he was looking to do the same for you. And all you had to do was let him.

“But your hand—”

“Will be just fine,” Joel persists, stubbornly. “It’s nothin’ but a few cuts and scrapes. C’mon—or else I’m gonna march right over there and get you myself, peach.”

Knowing Joel, you certainly wouldn’t put it past him to throw you over his should and carry you to the bathtub.

“Fine,” you relent with a small sigh of defeat.

Setting his shirt down on the sink, you slowly walk over towards him and whirl around, letting him help you out of your knitted cardigan. You finish undressing yourself, inhaling a deep breath as you muster up the courage to turn back around and face him—when you finally do, it feels like a punch to the gut to see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes, the subtle tremble of his bottom lip. You don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror to know it looks about a hundred times worse when you’re not wearing clothes.

Keeping your arms down at your sides, you fight every urge to cover yourself up. You’ve never felt so fucking vulnerable.

Clearing his throat, Joel holds out his hand. “C’mere.”

You accept it, and he helps you into the tub.

“How’s the water? S’not too hot, is it?”

You shake your head and he leans forward, kissing your temple so sweetly, your eyes flutter closed.

He washes your hair first, then takes a clean washcloth, lathering it up with a bar of milk and honey soap—the same soap he would smell on your skin all those nights. Admittedly, Joel preferred castile soap, but switched it when he found himself missing you during those weeks you were apart from him, when he needed the comfort of your scent. He is gentle with you, so gentle, as if he’s afraid you’ll shatter into pieces in his hands.

As he lightly drags the washcloth up your back and around your neck, you stiffen, prompting him to freeze too. “Fuck. Baby, did I hurt you?” he asks, and you hear the slight panic in his tone.

“No,” you say quickly, desperately trying to swallow the lump rising in your throat. “No, you didn’t hurt me. It’s just—” Every overwhelming emotion slams into you all at once, and you can’t seem to figure out which one to feel first. Humiliation? Fear? Relief?

The water sloshes around you as you pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, giving yourself permission to feel them all. Bowing your head, you begin to sob quietly, hoping that Ellie, who is just down the hallway, won’t hear you crying again.

Joel says nothing. Washcloth still clutched in his hand, he leans forward over the edge of the tub and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close, or at least, as close as the barrier between the two of you will allow him.

“Joel,” you choke, trying to push him off. “Stop it. Your clothes, they’re getting all wet.”

“Hush. Don’t fuckin’ care ‘bout my clothes,” he croaks, and for a second, you swear he’s about to cry too. But he doesn’t. He holds himself strong. Tugging you closer against his chest, he buries his nose into your soaking wet hair, whispering his reassurance. “You’re okay, baby. You’re safe, my sweet girl. I’ve got you, alright?”

He pulls back slightly, dipping his hand into the water, placing it on your lower belly.

You look down, your eyes glazing over his bruised and battered knuckles. Proof that Joel Miller really would do anything for you.

“I know you do,” you say, softly. “I know you’ve got me, Joel.”

A while later, you’re dried, dressed, and composed. You follow Joel out of the bathroom and back into his room, where he has you take a seat on the bed. Noticing you had missed a button on his flannel shirt, he does it for you. He plants a kiss on the top of your head and says, “Give me a minute while I change.”

He peels off his wet clothes, being careful so as not to further agitate his sore, injured hand. After changing into a pair of gray sweatpants and an old, faded black t-shirt, he turns around only to find you’re sitting in bed underneath the covers.

“Sorry,” you apologize with a nervous chuckle as you rest your back against the headboard. “It just looked so warm and cozy—and it smells like you. I couldn’t resist making myself comfortable.”

Joel pads over to the side of the bed. He leans over, planting one hand on either side of you as he dips his head and brushes his lips against yours. “Ain’t got no reason to apologize, baby,” he assures you in a gentle murmur. “This is your bed now too, peach. This is your room. This is your home. Alright?”

Home.

You’re home.

He touches the tip of his nose to yours, and then draws himself back up to full height. “There’s somethin’ that I’ve gotta take care of downstairs, peach. I won’t be too long,” he promises.

It’s almost midnight. Joel goes about the kitchen and he prepares you the quickest meal that he can think of. He plates the sandwich he’d thrown together and pours a glass of cow’s milk—he’s always sure to keep a pint of it in the refrigerator to make the kid her oatmeal in the mornings.

He heads back upstairs, only to find that while he had been gone, Ellie had joined you, making herself a little too comfortable on his side of the bed. He stands there at the door, watching the two of you.

“Hey, so is it true babies can hear stuff while they’re in there?” Ellie questions you, curiously.

“Mhm,” you reply with a nod. “They can hear music, for example. Voices—”

“Voices?” She smushes her face into your stomach and he hears a muffled, “Hey, dude!”

You giggle. “Ellie, I think it’s still a little too early.”

“When do you think it’ll be able to hear me?”

“I’m not too sure. In a few months, maybe?”

Ellie lifts her head, humming. “You know, I bet there’s baby books in the library,” she tells you as she sits up. “I’ll have Dina help me look for one tommor—oh shit.” She stares at you with wide eyes. “Dina! How are you going to tell her and Talia about Luke?”

Joel grimaces. He hadn’t thought of that, either.

“I—I’m not too sure.”

“You have to fucking tell them. Dina has to know about him. She has to know what a piece of shit he is, and so does Talia.”

Sensing your discomfort, Joel steps into the bedroom and intervenes before she can say another word. “Ellie, get to bed. S’late.”

“But—”

“Don’t make me tell you again,” he warns her, sternly.

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine.” She climbs off the bed and on her way out, she eyes the plate in his hand. “That chicken?”

“Turkey. And it ain’t for you, it’s for her. So scram, kid.”

“Couldn’t have made me one while you were at it, old man?”

“Ellie, if you don’t get outta here right now—”

“Alright!” Ellie holds her hands up. “I’m leaving. Jesus.”

She disappears, closing the door behind her.

“Pain in my ass,” Joel mumbles, shaking his head as he walks over and carefully perches himself beside you. He hands you the plate. “Here, darlin’.”

“Joel, I appreciate this, but I’m really not very hungry.”

“Maybe not, but y’gotta eat,” he insists. “Baby needs it.”

Thankfully, you accept it without further protest.

“I’ll have Ellie get your things tomorrow,” Joel states as you’re eating. “Maria can go along with her since she knows the house. They’ll get your clothes and whatever else you might need outta there.”

“My father’s belongings.” You accidentally talk through a mouthful of turkey and bread. Swallowing, you tell him, “I have some boxes of his stuff in the basement. But they’re way too heavy for either of them to carry.”

“I’ll take care of that for you.” He reaches up, wiping a breadcrumb from the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “I can ask Tommy to give me a hand. Don’t you worry, peach. We won’t leave your dad’s things behind, I swear it.”

Relieved, you shoot him a grateful look, then polish off the last few bites of your sandwich.

“Here,” he says, offering you the glass of milk. “Figured it’s good for you, and good for the baby. Y’know, since it’s got calcium and…stuff.” He shrugs sheepishly, no clue as to what he’s talking about. “Vitamins, right?”

Nodding, you grab the glass and take a reluctant sip.

“You hate milk,” Joel realizes, raising an eyebrow.

“I do,” you admit with a laugh. “But you’re right. It’s good for both me and the baby, so cheers.” And with that, you somehow force the entire glass down.

He sets the dishes aside on the nightstand, figuring he can take them downstairs first thing in the morning.

Without bothering to rebandage his hand like he’d told you he would, Joel turns off the lights and climbs into bed with you. “All those nights wishin’ I could bring you home,” he muses as you curl into his side. “Wantin’ nothin’ more than to hold you in my arms in this bed. In our bed.” His arm slips around your shoulders, a laugh rumbling through his chest. “Almost doesn’t feel real, darlin’.”

Tilting your head, you nuzzle your nose into the scruff of his beard, prompting him to laugh again. Then, he remembers his conversation with Maria, and his smile fades from his face, his lips pursing together.

You catch the sudden shift in his demeanor.

“Joel? What’s the matter?”

“M’fine, baby. It’s just—” He hesitates. “From this point forward, I need you to let me handle things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you gettin’ all stressed out, alright? I don’t want to run the risk of you—” He’s unsure of how to say it.

“Of me losing the baby,” you finish for him, quietly.

Joel winces, knowing he was wandering into sensitive territory. “Yeah. I—I really don’t want that to happen.” He pauses. “Maria mentioned to me you’re in a delicate stage. When do you reckon you’ll stop—how long until you don’t gotta worry ‘bout it?”

“After twelve weeks, my risk isn’t as high. If I make it to the second trimester in six weeks, then my chances of having another miscarriage are lower.”

Though you speak calmly, he clocks your anxiousness.

You’re worried, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t fucking worried out of his mind too.

Being a father at his age wasn’t ideal, but he wanted this child. It was part of him, and more importantly, it was a part of you.

Joel squeezes your shoulders. “I only ask ‘cause I was thinkin’ that, y’know, once we get to that point, maybe I can go ahead and start buildin’ the baby’s crib.”

“You’re going to build the crib?”

He nods. “And the highchair too. I can even make you a diaper changin’ table if y’want one.”

“Joel.” You can’t help but chuckle. “Our worlds were just turned completely upside down. You just found out that I’m pregnant, and you’re already thinking about building furniture? Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

“Hey, those things take a whole ‘lotta time,” he says in defense of himself. “Besides, winter’s right around the corner and I don’t wanna be out in the garage freezin’ my fuckin’ ass off. If I can get a head start now, I can have them all done in the spring by the time the baby comes.”

You fall silent.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m really scared of losing it,” you confess. “When I first took that pregnancy test, I wanted nothing more for it to be negative. Now, I’m terrified I won’t make it past my first trimester again. I really don’t want to lose it. I want this baby, Joel.”

He turns his head, meeting your eyes in the silver light shining through the lace curtains over his window. “S’why you’ve gotta let me handle things, darlin’. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“C’mere, my sweet girl.” Joel presses his lips to yours, murmuring against them, “I love you.”

His declaration comes with natural ease.

And so does yours.

“I love you too, Joel.”

[sailor-tri]

This one's for the Lana Skye lovers

(+Alternative crop and background color)

All her joy and whimsy gone...

[jekyll-everything]

This is a project I did at school, I mainly based it off of themes of identity (feat: my cat Oreo)

[mysterylilycheeta]

Aelin: Hey Rowan, can you help me with this zipper?

Rowan: Sure thing, fireheart

Aelin:

Aelin: Up, Rowan

Rowan: Right of course

[vertigoartgore]

Jubilee (and what's left of a defeated sentinel) commission by artist Ben Harvey (2024).

[artbyblastweave]

Now one thing I find really stylistically interesting about Batman Beyond, is that a lot of the mechanisms by which the supervillians do their thing come part-and-parcel with the cyberpunk setting, rather than being an aberration resulting purely from the superheroic genre elements. This is the future of a quote-unquote "present-day" DCU, meaning that they've superficially addressed the question of why all the cutting-edge supertech used in the cape scene never seems to see mass adoption by the civilian sector- forty years later, it has. This means that It's never hard to grok where any given villain is getting the resources necessary to execute their gimmick; these people are flashy by our standards, but they live in a world where everyone has access to flying cars and antigravity drones. Half these people are doing the cyberpunk equivalent of going killdozer with repurposed industrial equipment, or kludging together something with off-the-shelf stuff from radio shack, or mounting a machine gun on a technical truck, and literally in the middle of typing this sentence I started the episode where there's mass-market off-the-shelf animal gene-splicing that would have been a whole-ass individualized origin story in the time of Batman: The Animated Series. Even one-off mutants like Inque and Blight are well-understood within the context of the setting, to the extent of Inque being able to make a knockoff of herself on the go.

This is dystopic. Beyond the genre-typical surface-level megacorp domination of society it's dystopic. On the meta-level it's the same dynamic as Superman: The Animated Series, where the reason there's a sudden uptick in weird costumed crime concurrent with the protagonist's debut is purely Doylistic- the hero needs punching bags. But within the logic of the setting, there's nothing special about Willy Watt's decision to go full Carrie using a hijacked construction robot besides the fact that he had somewhat easier access to the thing than the average school-shooter. Spellbinder being able to put together functional illusion-and-mind-control tech on a high-school counselor's salary- when his entire complaint is that he isn't being paid enough- implies that the main barrier to anyone else pulling the same brainwashing stunt is that nobody else thought to. Shriek's sound suit might be more a more roundabout demolition tool than dynamite, but it's still powerful enough to bring down buildings and he created it as a fly-by-night contractor. The consumer tech base is evolved to the point that regardless of when Batman shows up, shit like this should literally never not be happening- they're past an inflection point. I remember Syndrome from The Incredibles having some kind of line about this

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Contemporary,

Rating: 4 out of 5

Content Warning: Death, Suicide, Child death, Bullying, Alcohol, Toxic friendship, Eating disorder, Car accident, Fatphobia 

Summary: ONCE A FIRE IS LIT, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS LET IT BURN.

Lillia, Kat, and Mary had the perfect plan: work together in secret to take down the people who wronged them. But after the disastrous events of the homecoming dance, they realize they may have gone too far. Well, Lillia and Kat do, but not Mary. She wants more. There is something not quite right about Mary, and if she can't figure out what it is, someone will get hurt even worse than Reeve. Reeve, who hurt her so many years ago. Reeve, who still needs to pay for what he did.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, burn for a burn. A broken heart for a broken heart. The girls agree to one last act of revenge: make Reeve fall in love with Lillia, and then she will crush him. It's the only way he'll learn.

*Opinions*

The second installment of the Burn for Burn series was much longer than the other two novels in the trilogy, but the amount of emotion and events that Vivian and Han pack into these pages make it worth the longer read. It is difficult to talk about this novel, especially with how it ends, without mentioning major spoilers so if you are okay with minor spoilers but not major plot twists, please go and find another review. 

Fire with Fire begins only days after the events of Burn for Burn, with everyone returning to school after the disastrous Homecoming dance that left Reeve with a broken leg and his hopes of a scholarship to college dashed. While the revenge plot that Mary, Kat, and Lillia had cooked up worked beautifully, the group doesn’t feel great that their revenge came to pass. Lillia is being iced out of her group by her best friend Rennie, who is devoted to Reeve’s return to form in hopes of getting back onto the football field. Reeve has become even more moody and upset, focused on his training and nothing else. Luckily, Alex is still there for Lillia, but that comes with its own complications. Kat has shifted her focus to college applications and attempting to put everything that happened behind her, which puts her in contact with Alex and the school counselor again. However, she finds that she enjoys her time with Lillia and Mary and starts to try to open herself up emotionally again. Mary is not doing well and feels as if her revenge has not been enacted. When she overhears Lillia yelling at Reeve, she realizes that he has feelings for her friend. Another revenge plot is hatched, to have Reeve fall for Lillia and then have her break his heart the same way that he broke Mary’s. However, nothing is that easy, especially matters of the heart. When the threat of what they did at homecoming is at risk of being exposed and secrets of the past rearing their heads, will the group be able to make it to New Year's in one piece and with their hearts unbroken? 

To say that things heat up in this novel is a bit ironic given the ending, but a fitting description. Both Han and Vivian do a good job of writing teenagers the way that they exist in the world. The characters in this book are messy and emotional, the way that teenagers are. Kat, Mary, and Lillia are all trying to do the right thing for each other, but they also have their own desires and wants that war within them. There really isn’t a strong plot within this novel, it is just the group attempting to get Reeve to fall in love with Lillia and then the fallout when she does crush his heart. However, there are no dull moments in this novel because the girls are not narrowed down to the revenge plot. Kat is dealing with the repercussions of her mother’s death, even five years later, and the life she had before her fallout with Rennie. Lillia is dealing with the expectations of her family, her relationship with her sister, her deteriorating relationship with Rennie, her relationship with Alex, and seeing more to Reeve than the exterior he puts up. The only character that is focused down to a pinpoint is Mary, but there is a reason for that in the narrative. 

The end of this novel was absolutely wild and makes it so I am very confused about how this series is going to wrap up. There was foreshadowing in the first book that something was happening with Mary, so I figured that she was a witch of some sort, especially with everyone saying that about her aunt. What I was not expecting was to find out that she was already dead and just a vengeful spirit that Kat and Lillia were able to see for some reason. It is still unclear why the other two girls can see her, I am assuming that will be revealed in Ashes to Ashes. However, the slip in Mary in this novel from a quiet girl who really wants revenge to kind of the antagonist of the novel was fascinating and well done. The reader knows Mary and feels for her, so it isn’t until the final pages of the novel that you can no longer support her need for closure as it has morphed in such a dangerous way. I think it’s an interesting theme to explore in YA, especially for a teenager who was forced to suicide by bullying. 

The character I felt the worst for was Lillia, who is constantly being pushed to do most of the heavy lifting in the revenge plots because she is in the friend group of the individuals being targeted. I think she was written beautifully in the tug between wanting to help her friends but also her heart being melted by someone that she sees in pain, someone she has known most of her life. In my head, I am screaming for her to just be with Alex because he is the smart choice, but that is not how the heart works, especially as a teenager. I do not like Reeve, but I even got the flutters and the insecurity that pops up when you start liking someone new. I just want her to be happy. 

Kat was kind of pushed to the back burner in this novel in terms of character development and plot movement. She is forced to look at her life and deal with her mother’s death a bit more, but that again seems to be pushed into the background. However, her softening toward Rennie before the end of the novel opens her up to a lot of growth in the third book in the series. I like that she is rough around the edges, desperately grasping for things to make her happy, but is slowly starting to think about more than just getting off Jar Island. 

Now for the ending…Rennie’s death feels more like the authors wrote themselves into a corner instead of something that made a lot of sense. Again, I am hoping that things will become clearer in the third installment, but to have Mary burst into flames and kill Rennie when she was just trying to help her felt really out of character. It felt like the authors were like “well, Rennie knows about the Homecoming events, what can we do to stop her from exposing the group” and couldn’t come up with anything other than killing her off. Don’t get me wrong, I did not like Rennie’s character, though she is also written well in her unlikability. The death just seemed like a necessity of the plot rather than something that had a real impact narratively. 

Overall, I am enjoying this series a lot more than I expected as a 32-year-old reading a YA series. I think that this is a good series to give to high school-age teenagers because it addresses issues without being preachy. You see what happened to Mary due to bullying, but also what revenge and pettiness can lead to. This is a 4 star read and let’s see how the series finishes out. 

[n64retro]

[i-only-see-daylight]

Aelin: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

Lorcan: I almost died. 

Aelin: That... was my favorite memory.

[gabrielleragusi]

Wanderlust Window Collectible

12 windows into different fantasy worlds, designed in 2023 for the Bookish Box

Instagram  - ArtStation - Website - Inprnt - Etsy - TikTok

[elvhendis]

Fenrys Moonbeam

(requested by somebody on instagram 😊)