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tiredmamaissy · 6 months ago

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Ralak te Sepawn ieyk’itan: Special Episode VI

Labor of Love - Part III

Masterlist ; Rut/Heat/Knotting Info

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Hyperlinks are attached to specific paragraphs that when clicked on will lead you to its illustration by Ralak's insanely talented creator @zestys-stuff. Thank you so much for allowing me to play around with your characters!

Characters: Metkayina!Ralak (25) x Sully!Omaticaya!Reader (20) featuring Metkayina!Zu’té (29)

Warnings: zero smut, explicit childbirth, water birth, difficult labour, contractions, amniotic fluid, breastfeeding, family fluff, expletives, this is a bit angsty but there’s a happy ending

Word Count: 7.3k

Requested: Yes || No

Author’s Note: the following depicts a very detailed, difficult, and medically inaccurate birth. This is graphic. I am quite literally going to simulate a birthing experience in your pov and I strongly suggest opting out now if anything pregnancy or birth related could make you uncomfortable. Finally, this is most definitely not medical advice, nor should this be used as a reference for what to expect during birth. This is a fanfiction about blue aliens, after all. With that being said, let’s welcome Ralak into fatherhood!! Enjoy 😊

Synopsis: Things were moving too fast until they weren't moving fast enough. The time has come and you're starting to doubt your capabilities. But thankfully your mate is here to guide you through this.

<- Previous

“Okay, Toto. Just do it. Go in there.” Zu’té sounds breathless as he speaks to himself, turning around to face the door. He hears your whimper and his jaw tightens. “Shit. Okay. Right.” Just as he raises his hand to pull back the curtain, he hears a winded voice. “Brother.”

Zu’té spins around to face the voice of an angel—Ralak.

“Oh, thank Eywa. Thank you great mother. Thank you.” Zu’té chants in relief despites being one of the least spiritual persons someone can meet. He knew deep down that Eywa answered his call.

Zu’té makes eye contact with the dishevelled and worn out giant. His attention is immediately drawn to the lengthy gash on his shoulder that seems to have been stitched up in a haste.

“Ay’ana.” Ralak growls when he sees him staring.

The colour drains from Zu’té ‘s face, but before he can respond, Ralak’s ears perk up when they hear what seems to be a low whimpering. It sounds as if you're straining and struggling to breathe. His eyes dart behind Zu’té and then quickly snap back to his brother, filled with panic.

Zu’té just barely shakes his head, urging himself to focus on the most important thing right now.

“Your mate is in labour, tak.”

Ralak’s eyes widen at the confirmation. He knew it. He felt it back inland.

Without another passing second, Ralak pushes past Zu’té and enters his marui. You hear the faint flap of the door and try to shift yourself in order to keep some level of decency.

“I said to leave.” You’re breathless, gripping relentlessly onto the wooden stilt.

Ralak’s frozen in place, taking in the sight of you labouring by yourself. One that no matter how painful, is a sight he has always longed to see. A sense of pride fills his chest, his mate is showing such great strength that it’s admirable. Bringing life to his child is something he will eternally be grateful for.

But then he sees your fingernails. How they've gone dull from all your gripping and scraping, and his sense of pride quickly mixes with shame. Shame that he has left you alone in this.

Your laboured breathing is audible, practically wheezing as you struggle to breathe through the last lap of this contraction. You keep holding your breath and it’s more than evident from the red tinge in your face. Breathing is no longer the thing that you’re most focused on anymore, it’s the pressure between your legs.

He doesn't want to startle you but he can’t just watch you suffer any longer. He approaches you cautiously, examining you in attempts to discern how far into your labour you are.

You're glazed in a layer of sweat, glimmering in the faint light of the first sliver of sun. Your shoulders rise and fall rapidly as you pant faster than a viperwolf pup, and your belly is low and firm as it tightens from the contraction.

Ears laid flat to your skull and brows tightened, you curl over and clutch your stomach. He releases his clenched jaw and lessens the distance between the two of you. He gently places his hands on your lower back, pressing into you with the ball of his palm.

The warmth alone provides a bit of relief for you, allowing you to momentarily catch your breath.

“Zu’té.” You hiss under your breath, surprised he’s even come in, much less laid a hand on you.

You let go of the marui stilt to swat away his hand with a loud smack. The reminder of you labouring in the presence of another man that isn’t him makes him wince.

“Muntxate [wife].” Ralak husks quietly, using his thumbs to rub circles into your back. Your ears lift from your skull and perk up when you realise it’s your mate, back home from the excursion.

Tears overflow and spill down your cheeks. Tears of pain. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of relief.

“Ralak.” You let out a nasally sob, unable to look at him just yet due to the contraction still rippling through you. You speak between your moans, voice cracking.

“You’re back. You’re here. It’s happening, lak. He’s coming. And I—I thought you’d miss it. I thought you weren’t coming back. I thought… I thought—”

“Alright, alright. I am right here with you, tanhì. Mawey, mawey [calm, calm].” He hums steadily, already reaching behind him for his kuru. “How long have you been in labour?”

“D-Don’t know.” Your breath catches in your throat and your knees begin to tremble. “Too l-long.”

Ralak’s heart throbs in his chest at the thought of you enduring this on your own for that long. The contraction is finally subsiding, and you're eager to find relief in your mate. You exhale shakily and grip his wrist as you try to straighten your spine.

“Easy.” Ralak is quick to help you to your feet, holding you by your hip and arm. “Can you stand?”

You nod your head as you slump back into him regardless. “It’s happening, ‘lak.” You wheeze, resting your head on his chest. Despite the slight sting, Ralak smiles, joyful to know his son will soon be born.

“It is, my tanhì.” Ralak hums, swaying side to side with you against his body as he brings his glowing tendrils towards the end of your braid. He’s spent but he knows the exhaustion he feels is nothing in comparison to yours. “I am so sorry I have left you alone in this.”

“‘ts not your fault, my love.” You murmur, lulling your head against his chest. “...not your fault.”

Though your contraction has passed, the pressure in your pelvis has a steady, constant groan vibrating in your throat. It’s a feeling that won’t let up, and the further you progress the more intense it gets. It feels like your body’s at its limit, unable to accommodate your babe any longer.

“Mmmn—tsaheylu, please.” Your plea is drawn out and low, unaware that he’s already one step ahead of you.

When he makes the bond, the pressure is instantly lightened but is quickly replaced with a sharp pain in your shoulder and back. He sucks in a sharp breath and grimaces from the sudden pain and pressure that flows into him.

You gasp and clutch your left shoulder, whipping your head around to look behind you. Immediately, you catch sight of his wound.

Fresh blood spurts out between the ragged stitches and globbed over herbal concoction, dribbling down his chest and back in thin streams.

“Shit.” You curse, ripping your queue away from him, abruptly severing the bond—causing the pressure to come back tenfold. “Fuck—you’re injured.”

“I am fine.” Ralak insists, reaching for your kuru again.

“Tsaheylu will infect it.” You insist, keeping your kuru away from him.

“Ke tare [it doesn’t matter].” He says sharply, catching his tone and softening it. “Allow me, please.”

Ralak reaches for your kuru again, eager to make it up to you—to take the pain for whatever time you have left. But you shake your head firmly.

The fact that making tsaheylu caused it to rupture and bleed, a gash that size will surely worsen with the influence of your labour. Ralak respects your wish, although he’s in disagreement with it. He’d never make the bond without your consent and he feels as if he’s already missed too much of your labour to continue the argument.

“…what happened?” You ask shakily, terrified to know the answer. “Wh-What did they do to you?” You feel yourself begin to tear up.

Seeing him so hurt always made your heart heavy.

Your question catches him off guard, bringing him back to the moment he saw his own karyu. He swallows, having trouble keeping his calm and figuring out what to say. He has no intention of keeping it from you, but truthfully it isn’t the right time to speak of such matters. Not when you’re nearing the peak of the birth of your firstborn.

“Not now. You are labouring.” Ralak says sternly yet gently, reshifting his focus and concern back to you.

And if it weren’t for the unbearable heavy sensation in between your legs you would’ve protested. You nod lazily as your breath hitches repeatedly, your hand finding its way to the lowest part of your abdomen to press into it. Your lengthy groans start up again, you can feel your entire body begin to tense up.

“Another? So soon?” Ralak’s voice falters, concern now evident in his tone. He steadies himself behind you, pressing his hands into your lower back once more.

“Pressure. ‘ts too much.” You pant, leaning forward and using your free hand on the marui stilt for support.

“Pressure?” Ralak tries his best to understand what you mean. Thinking that he’s pressing too hard into your back, he eases up and apologises. You shake your head and quickly replace your hand onto the lowest part of your abdomen with his.

“Pressure!” You yelp the word like a plea for help, hoping he’ll get it without you needing to explain. Talking is becoming more difficult with each passing contraction. When he does finally understand, his eyes widen and brow bones jump.

“Ah—he is moving down, tanhì.” Ralak tries to speak calmly, sliding his other hand over your stomach. His fingers smooth over your skin, taking in its heat and supple texture. He then feels it tighten even more, contracting right under the pads of his digits.

“Tewti [whoa].”

It’s the first he’s ever felt a contraction, despite being a mandated witness to numerous first breath rituals in the clan. He begins counting under his breath, trying to gauge your progression by determining how long they’re lasting. But before he can get into the double digits your low grumble turns into a high pitched cry.

Ralaks ears immediately go flat, hearing a cry like that rip from your throat makes his heart tighten in his chest. He shuffles closer to you upon realising that you're curling over from the pain. Moving quickly, he supports your body weight with one hand to your belly and another over your chest.

“Ralak!” You cry out, “Please! Do something!”

With that, Ralak’s hands slip back down to your lower abdomen, cupping your belly and gently pull upward. This always helped if the baby was sitting too low, relieving some of the heaviness and pressure on your bladder.

Instantaneously, the pressure relieves. Your cry dissipates into a loud sigh, your downturned lips flipping up into a small smile of relief.

“Thank you—” Pop. “—ugh” Gush.

You’re silent, but your face screws into a grimace as the pain rushes back in with a vengeance. You look down in a painful daze, feeling the trickle of liquid down your thighs and legs. Through blurred vision, you watch as a pool forms at your feet, as well as Ralaks.

“Shit.” Ralak mutters under his breath, recognizing what’s just happened.

His head whips around to the sound of the flap of the marui door. He looks behind him, met with the panicked, bulging eyes of Zu’té, who’s staring intently at the scene unfolding before him. He's just worked up enough courage to enter the room.

Zu’té finally makes eye contact with Ralak, and Ralak nudges his chin in the direction of the village, mouthing—‘Get a healer’. Zu’té nods and takes off at full tilt.

“…fuck‘m sorry. My waters...” You mumble, fingers digging into his arms in attempts to keep you standing, to no avail.

Your knees buckle beneath you, and you lose all ability to keep yourself on your feet. Ralak supports you, moving down with you rather than trying to keep you standing. He slowly and gently lowers you to the floor, away from the growing puddle.

“What for? Your water breaking? No need to be.” Ralak chuckles breathily, trying to make it obvious that it’s no big deal—he’s unbothered by it.

“Me-messed you up.” You grunt, breath straining as you lean all your weight back into him.

“You did no such thing.” He reassures you through a quick breath, adjusting you into a more comfortable position.

You lay on top of him, shifting onto your side and off the sharp throb in your lower back. You clutch his bicep with one hand and keep the other snug under your bump.

He’s more so in an awkward position than not, his back now against the base of the bed and his right leg propped up to keep you from rolling back. He has no issue staying put in this position if it means some sort of relief for you.

But your groans only deepen, lengthening and ending with small grunts.

“You alright, mama?” He checks in on you through a whisper, knowing that things move quickly once the water breaks.

You nod your head, trying to be strong, but he can see right through it. And you know it. You sputter out a sob and shake your head, finally admitting the truth—finally facing reality.

“I know, I know, tìyawn. Almost there.”

Even without tsaheylu, he is able to tell how long you have left just based on your sounds and body language. With each little grunt he notices that your face shifts to a brighter shade of pink.

He takes note of your tail, and how it’s now tightly coiled, tucked to the base of your tailbone—out the way. Your shoulders are bowed and your stomach sits low, hard as a rock.

“Oh!—Eywa, ple-ase.” You mumble a plea, eyes squeezing shut when you come to the height of your contraction. “Mmm’fuck—fuck.”

“A little longer.” He places a firm, comforting kiss on the temple of your head. “It will soon be over.”

You feel Ralak’s hand firmly patting your lower back, attempting to put the fire out. But now the pressure’s released, the pain is only more intense—spreading and morphing into a new feeling altogether.

“Ralak—Ralak!” You panic, your head rolling side to side as you strive against this new sensation.

“Right here with you.” He hums, pressing hard into your lower back with the ball of his palm. “What do you need?”

You begin frantically tugging at your soaked loincloth, trying your hardest to get it off of you. Ralak quickly takes over, untethering the knot and slipping it off you.

“Need to—aahaa! I think he’s—haah—he’s—he’s coming!” You yell, unable to fight the new feeling. An urge you’ve never felt before. The urge to push. “Ralak—I’m scared!”

“Listen to your body.” Your mate encourages you with a steady and calm voice.

His gaze snaps down to witness your leg rising into the air and your hand hooking under the back of your knee. His hand cups over yours, helping you support the weight of your suspended leg.

Ralak manoeuvres himself in a way that allows him to support you and see what’s happening. He gently tugs your leg back a little further, having a proper look. He can see just how swollen and tender the flesh between your legs is—ripe and ready. It’s time.

“Muntxate [wife]. Bear down if you need to.”

“I—I—urgh!” You cry out, finally giving into the urge to push, allowing your body to bear down in the way it’s been trying to. Holding your breath, you tuck your chin to your chest and sink your fingernails into Ralak’s bicep, pushing as best as you can in this position.

“Good, good. Good push, tanhì.” His voice is hushed but steady as he watches in awe as your body flourishes. “Syeha si [breathe].”

As the urge subsides, you release your breath and gasp for air a few times. If he’s really coming, you don’t want it to be here. You had both discussed doing this in the comfort of your own lake. The lake in the cave, where your relationship with him had blossomed to begin with.

“Not here.” You say out of breath, legs shaking terribly.

Ralak leans in closer to you, listening carefully to decipher your murmurs. You keep your eyes closed shut, unable to open them anyway. They feel as heavy as you do, weighed down with exhaustion and agony.

But as you feel your stomach tighten and the urge rush back in, you realise that time lessening. “Water—get me in the water, please!”

Ralak hesitates, scanning your body to see if moving you in this state is the right thing to do. He watches as you tense up in agony as you contract, and quickly the realisation dawns upon him, too. At this rate, the babe will be here at any moment.

And if your wishes are to give birth in the water, now is the time to fulfil them.

Ralak scoops you up into his firm clutch, rises to his feet, and rushes out the door. Taking his time down the steps, your grip around his neck tightens just as a groan rumbles in your chest. Your legs squirm in his grasp as they try to snap open.

“Hurry! He’s coming!” You grunt, burying your face into the crease of his peck, biting down to fight the feeling.

Ralak glances down at you a few times, brows gathered from the worry that plagues his heart. He’s holding you tight, so as not to let the wiggle of your body loosen his grip.

“Here.” He huffs out, nearing the entrance of the cave.

Immediately immersing himself hip-deep into the water, he moves hastily, submerging you as he makes his way over to the ledge and helps you into position.

The ledge makes a smaller, more shallow pool in the lake, perfect for you to sit in with your back supported by the bank.

Water is up to your chest, slushing and splashing against your neck as you desperately readjust yourself to get comfortable. Your head is perched on the bank of the lake, hands spread across to hold onto the rocky surface. Your toes grip the floor, rooting yourself to the ground to keep you stable, knees bobbing at the water's surface.

“Fuck! Ralak!” You cry out, feeling your body act on its own accord.

Ralak is already in front of you, one hand on your bump as the other slips between your thighs to feel your progression. All while he’s looking down at you with nothing but concern etched into his features, unsure of what more he can do for you without tsaheylu.

He witnesses your face turn red as you hold your breath again, using as much force as you can to push him out.

Ralaks hand moves from your bump to cup your cheek, his fingernails raking away the streaks of sweaty hair plastered to your face and tucking them behind your ear.

“Syeha si, tanhì [breathe].” He reminds you gently, exaggerating a breathing pattern you had rehearsed a few weeks ago, and you try to match his rhythm.

But you’re stuttering and sobbing, unable to establish a pattern and push at the same time. Your back is on fire and it feels as if the baby isn’t moving any further down.

The contraction finally ends with a loud wheeze and your head slumps back into the rocky bank. You shake your head as you struggle to open your heavy lidded eyes.

Your vision is blurry and spotty. You glance down in a haze and lock eyes for a moment with the worried giant before you, and then you feel yet another contraction wash over you. They are on top of one another—back to back—with little to no break between them.

“Fuck. Please. Please. Plea—” You weep weakly, eyes slamming shut as your chin makes contact with your chest, cutting off your pleas with a lengthy, guttural grunt. You push with what you have left, giving yourself a throbbing headache as a result.

“Pushing so, so well.” Ralak praises you with a hushed voice, feeling something press against his fingers.

As you strain, you feel the delirium set in. The panic of not knowing if you’re capable of doing this. Every inch of you more than ached, yet some parts of you have even gone numb from how long this has been going on.

You can barely get a proper breath in much less breathe the way you should when you’re pushing. You feel like your body may give out at any moment.

“Keep going, y/n.” He encourages you, seeing your exhaustion and feeling you stop.

“Ralak…lak.” You let out a sob and try to relax your body, but end up collapsing back into the rocky surface again. “‘m tired, lak.” You mumble shakily between laboured pants, “...want him out.”

“I hear you.” Ralak tries to reassure you, now supporting both your trembling legs as they threaten to give out. “He will soon be out, tanhì. But you have to keep going.”

“No—oh, no, no.” You cry, tensing up from another agonising contraction. You didn’t think they could get any more painful. “No more. No more, please.”

“Come now, big push for me.” Ralak instructs softly, repositioning himself to help deliver his son.

“Ugh—!” You scream, giving all you have left into this push. Beads of sweat roll down your temples at a concerning speed, and your face shifts to an even more vibrant shade of red. “Please! Please get him out of me!”

“He’s coming out, tìyawn. Keep pushing, almost there. Almost there.” Ralaks voice is low and laced with panic, despite his greatest efforts to keep calm and collected.

This cycle repeats for some time, instilling worry into both you and Ralak. You’re having a difficult time, and it’s taxing on your body to keep this going.

Truthfully he can tell that you’re really struggling, and he’s getting a little more worried as time passes. But then he feels the baby press against his fingers and hope fills him once more.

“That’s it. Push just like that, y/n.”

“Fuck—” And just as last time, you collapse back into the bank, depleted with nothing left to give. You begin to think that maybe everything you’ve been hearing was right.

Maybe you can’t do this.

“I…I can’t.” You sputter defeated, letting your legs go limp either side of you.

“Mawey [calm]. You can. Your body is made for this.” He reaffirms for not only you but also himself, he’s too afraid to lose you. No, he can’t lose you, too. He’s experienced too much loss.

“’s not comin’.” You shake your head lethargically, feeling faint. “He’s stuck.”

Hearing that makes his heart sink. Ronal’s words echo in his mind, putting him in a frantic state. He quickly composes himself, probing the tender flesh to help stretch it out. He feels something slimy and silken, and his ears perk up.

He’s right there. So close.

“He’s not. I feel him, he is right there.” Ralak tries to keep calm for you, attempting to reassure you as he quickly thinks about the next best move.

Zu’té isn’t back with the healer and there's not much else he can do. He looks down at you, taking in just how uncomfortable you look as he tries to imagine just how much pain you’re in. With a position like this, no wonder your back hurts. His eyes widen.

No wonder your progression has stalled.

“Move with me. Easy.” Ralak croons, carefully tucking his arm under your back to sit you up slowly. He throws your limp arms around his neck, and brings you to your knees and then your feet—supporting your weight as you get there.

“Lak, Lak!” You grimace and whimper as you try to work with your mate—your body is already so sore and weak that any movement is torturous.

“Need to get you off your back.” Ralak huffs, holding you in position until you’ve adjusted. You hold on to him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as you settle into a squat. “A few more pushes, mama.”

“Haa—no, no.” You squeal in desperation, feeling his head descend even further down now that gravity has come into play.

Then your belly stiffens.

You bite the flesh of your cheek until you taste blood and bury your face into the dip of his collarbone—refusing the urge to push. But the instinct overrides you completely, leaving you in a panicked and delirious state.

“Take h-him out! Make the cut!”

“No, no cut. No cut.” Ralak utters a throaty whisper, pushing down into your lower back. “Bear down, muntxate [wife].”

“Ple—ase.” Your broken plea comes out as a low grunt as you shake your head frantically, driving your dulled nails into your mate. “It hurts, it hurts!”

“I know, ma’ y/n. But you must bear down, please.” His voice trembles, filled with worry, but his words are firm—non-negotiable. You continue to shake your head, fighting with what you have left, your laboured breathing deepening as you run out of strength to resist.

Ralak’s worry quickly turns into pure panic. Panic that you’ve really given up. Panic that you really may not make it out of this. That…he’ll lose you. He knows what he must do, despite it being against your wishes.

He gives your kuru a quick stroke, his way of warning you. It sends a shiver through you, but the pain is so excruciating that you can’t resist this, too.

Ralak quickly makes tsaheylu, bringing a brief moment of pure, instant relief, just enough to bring you out of your delirium. His wound reopens, burning and weeping. But not even that could prepare him for your pain.

It feels like each vertebrae in his spine instantaneously shifts out of place. It is excruciating. And strange—that urge to push. He can feel it too. It’s like an itch deep under your skin. Irresistible and uncontrollable.

“Push!” Ralak groans loudly, prompting you to bear down with whatever strength you can muster up.

You scream at the top of your lungs, achieving a frequency and volume so high it can be heard from the village. Ralak’s fingers quickly probe the tenderness between your legs to check your progress once more. Finally, he feels the baby’s head begin to emerge.

“Perfect push, tanhì. Keep going, keep going.” Now he’s winded, flustered and speaking breathily.

Your scream is cut off by your vulgar tongue, “Fuck! Fuck—it burns!” You cry out, feeling a bolt of white hot fire split you in two, making you jerk back. “It’s burning!” You sob, trying to wiggle away from the flame.

“He’s crowning. His head, shit—” He huffs, realising that the babe is coming too quickly, not giving you enough time to adjust, “Stop pushing.” His fingers probe the taut skin in attempts to prevent you from possibly tearing, “Breathe him out. Just as we practised.”

Your fingers dig even deeper into him as your head snaps up to shoot him a deadly glare. Wasn’t he just demanding that you push? To ‘listen to your body’?

You take deep, intentional breaths, eyes flicking down to search the cloudy water as you try your hardest to resist. He can feel your frustration through tshayelu, he can hear your thoughts.

“Syeha si, syeha si [Breathe, breathe]. Let yourself adjust. Let your body push for you.” Ralak tries to explain, using the bond to his advantage and setting a steady breathing pattern.

‘I can’t do it.’ You think to him, unsure if you’re even doing it right.

“You can. You are. Just like that.” Ralak works with you, probing the tender skin once more as he feels the head emerge. “A little longer.”

But yet, you feel yourself giving in.

“Can't. Help. It.” You whimper, your breath stuttering as it catches in your throat. Tears roll relentlessly down your cheeks. You need him out.

Now.

You drop to your knees and tuck your chin to your chest. “Haah!” Your breath finally releases, and a guttural, lengthy grunt follows after.

Ralak feels you push — hard. He readies himself, steadying his stance as he traces his fingers around the circumference of his unborn’s head to help guide him out.

He is, too, looking down into the murky water, trying his best to see what’s going on. All he can do is rely on his sense of touch and the feeling through the bond to help him.

“Ngh—ugh!” You feel a pop between your legs and the pressure minutely releases.

Just then Ralak feels the rest of your baby’s head emerge. He can feel the curls of his silken hair, and how they’re laid flat to his skull. Ralak nearly breaks down right there, but fights the array of emotions bombarding him all at once to recenter his focus back on you.

“His head is out.” He croaks, supporting the babe's head with the palm of his hand. “Hair like yours.”

Ralak gently unlatches your grip on his shoulder and guides your hand under the water and towards his. Aside from wanting you to feel what he’s feeling, he’s hoping that this will give you the strength to keep going.

You feel the sliminess first, and then the soft, velvety texture of your son's head. You weep, slumping your head into Ralak's chest as you focus on gathering as much energy during the small break from the contractions.

It’s incredible to know that your body created this life.

“Oh god…it’s him.” You barely whisper.

“You are so strong, you know that? Mighty.” Ralak hums, cupping the back of your head with his hand. You lift your head to look at him and he rests his forehead against yours, searching your eyes with his. “One more push for me, okay?”

You nod your head, bottom lip curled over to touch your chin. His hand slips from your neck to your cheek, his thumb wiping away one tear of a thousand. The tightening of your stomach has you tensing up, gripping onto him for support. You groan and moan until the contraction reaches its peak, where you begin to grunt and push against the budding pressure.

He steadies himself once more, quickly slipping his hand off your cheek back into the water. He holds your son's head with one hand, and hooks the fingers of his other hand under his son's left shoulder. It pops out with the help of his gentle tug, and you bear down even harder.

“A little more.” He encourages you, waiting patiently to feel his son's right shoulder emerge. He feels the bridge of his shoulder and Ralak jumps into action, carefully guiding his son's shoulder out. “Perfect, there it is.” Ralak mumbles quickly, hyperfocused on ensuring a safe delivery.

You whimper when the burning sensation comes back, shoving your forehead into his chest. It’s hard to breathe. Every fibre in your being has you wanting to hold your breath for more leverage to get him out. Your noises fade to little choked muffles, quick and uneven.

“Breathe.” Ralak chokes out, feeling your burning lungs through tsaheylu. He immediately establishes a somewhat steady breathing pattern for you to sync into.

“Pwah!” You let out a shaky, harsh breath of air, panting as you try to sync with him. “Urgh—ah!” you groan as you push, surprised by how long this torturous contraction is lasting.

“Please get him out of me, please, please.” You whisper into his chest.

“Shoulders are out, tanhì” Ralak huffs next to your ear, tenderly rubbing his cheek against your temple.

“Catch him, Lak.” You wheeze, your legs shaking uncontrollably from carrying your weight for such a long time. He wants so badly to do the rest for you, now really sensing your weariness through the bond. But he couldn’t, all he could do was support you through every second of this.

“I have him, muntxate [wife].” He whispers, lips pressed to your ear. “Last push.”

A hoarse, empty cry evades your trembling lips as you bear down a final time. Suddenly the pressure releases entirely, and you feel your son slip out of you and into Ralaks hands. You let out a loud moan of relief, immediately pulling away from Ralak’s chest to look down into the water.

“He’s out. He’s here, tanhì. You did it, mama. You did it.” Ralaks cracked voice is full of relief. “He—he is so small.”

You fall back onto your behind, breaking tsaheylu with your mate. Your eyes search for your newborn but you can’t make anything out of the murkiness of the water.

You look up to witness tears fill Ralak’s eyes for the first time as he holds the baby underneath the water. Your back hits the rocky bank of the lake in solace knowing your son is in safe hands.

Then Ralak grits his teeth and lets go.

“Lak. Ralak.” Your panicked, hoarse voice calls for him, but you’re too weak to get up. “Ho-Hold him, Ralak.”

Ralak looks like he’s fighting his own instinct to scoop up his young and cradle him in his chest. And that’s because he is. It’s taking everything in him not to do just that, but he knows that this is the way. The right way.

“Mawey [calm]. First breath.” Ralak gently reminds you of the Metkayina ritual. He knows he must do this, especially in the absence of the Tsahik. “Let him swim.”

You watch intently as the water slowly clears, revealing the wiggle of your newborn's body. “Help him.” You plead with trembling lungs, having a hard time watching this unfold.

Ralak stays close to his newborn, ready to jump into action in an instant. But the babe rises to the top all on his own—swimming directly from the womb. You burst into tears, chest swelling with pride and every emotion under the moon.

Nonetheless, Ralak taps his bum softly, his other hand hovering underneath his son's feet in the case he needs to intervene. This is the first moment where your son has made you both proud.

Your son breaks the water with his face, chubby cheeks and puckered lips. You hear the sound of his little, first breath — pwah. His eyes open as he looks around, catching sight of his father scooping him into his arms.

“You did it, my little one.” Ralak whispers with a crack in his voice, shifting his gaze over to you. “You did it. I’m so proud of you.” He repeats in absolute shock and awe, and this time you know he’s talking to you, too.

Ralak holds his son close to his chest and away from his weeping wound, using his body heat to keep him warm as he makes his way over to you. The babe wails when he catches your scent, squirming in his fathers arms as if he were trying to get to you on his own terms.

“She is right here, son.” He whispers, bouncing him a bit as he places him in your arms, helping you hold him for the first time. “Hold his head.”

Your arms feel like jelly and they won’t stop shaking, but you’re eager to hold your newborn. Ralak tucks himself closely at your side, keeping a precautionary hand under your arm. Immediately, he calms, gurgling and cooing as he listens to the familiar and comforting thump of your heart. It’s all he’s heard in the past ten months.

Teary eyed, you look down through blurred vision, taking in the sight of your son. Every feature. Every stripe. Every freckle. His dark turquoise skin, golden eyes, pointed pink ears. A tail like his father, but five fingered, like his mother. He is the perfect mix, the perfect balance.

“You’re perfect.” You whisper, admiring his little coos and floppy, soft ears that lay flat against him. His head turns towards your bosom, puckered lips brushing against your top in search of your nipple. “Hungry? Hm?” You hum shakily.

Ralak is quick to help you, helping you position him just right. Your son shakes his head as he tries to latch for the first time, and both you and Ralak watch quietly with wobbly smiles plastered on your faces.

With two fingers, Ralak presses down onto your breast, angling your nipple in a way that makes it easier for you and him. You can’t help the grimace on your face when he does latch and suckle, but it quickly turns into a smile as you watch him feed for the first time.

“Rak’äni.” Ralak proudly announces the name of his first born son.

You look up at him, witnessing a tear or two roll down his cheek. You’d never seen this giant cry like this before. The past two days have been too much.

“Rak’äni.” You repeat with a smile, Ralaks eyes finally meeting yours. He leans in and meets your lips with his, kissing you tenderly. He lingers there forehead to forehead as he pulls away, allowing himself to be vulnerable—to soak in his emotions.

“I love you. I see you, y/n. For life. And beyond.” Ralak sheds a few more tears as he speaks the words.

“Nìt’iluke [neverendingly; forever].” You say wearily, heavy lidded eyes struggling to stay open.

Snap.

Ralak hears the sound of a branch breaking underneath the weight of a person's foot. Ralak looks behind him, hand under the water clutching the dagger on his hip, ready to protect his family. He sees the silhouette of a woman standing at the opening of the cave, basket on her hip as the last rays of sun shine through her.

The first eclipse is starting.

Is that how long this has gone on for?

His heart skips a beat as his eyes narrow to see who it is…to see if it’s how he suspects it may be. Did she really follow us?

He then sees a taller figure emerge behind her, then another, and another…and another. And soon he counts seven heads in total and it dawns on him.

It’s your family—and his.

“We have visitors, little one.” Ralak coos quietly at his baby, his thumb just barely gliding over his cheek. “Are you alright, mama?” His voice sounds muffled and distant, as if he were at the other side of the lake. “The healer is here.”

“Tired...Hurts.” You mumble, letting your eyes fall shut.

You feel Ralak’s gentle touch as he tucks himself behind you, supporting you with his body. His arm is under yours, keeping the babe safely above water as he feeds. You can fully relax your body now, sinking into your mate’s pillowy chest.

“Rest.” Ralak whispers. “I have you.”

“You won’t believe, brother. The tshahik is also in labour. And I couldn’t find you…I heard y/n scream and—oh…” Zu’té lowers his voice to a whisper, catching sight of the freshly born babe in your arms. “Tak. He’s here.” His voice falters even more as he nears his blood.

His only family outside of Ralak. He’s awestruck, taking in all the different features of a new kind as he feeds. The babe's skin resembles the depth of his mother, but the tone of his father. Stripes like an omaticaya. Tail like a Metkayina. Five-fingered.

Truthfully, the length of his stare has Ralak feeling a little uneasy and a bit protective.

“Toto.” Ralak hasn’t called him that in years, “Meet your nephew—Rak’äni.”

“Rak’äni.” Zu’té repeats through a whisper, keeping his distance from the babe. “Fyole [beyond perfection].”

Ralak relaxes, smiling proudly. “He is.”

Zu’té fumbles with a small satchel on his hip, taking something out of it in a haste. He hands Ralak something small, something delicate. It's weaved to perfection, with colours of the sunset.

"For him." Zu’té says in a hushed voice, unfolding the garment to show his brother. It's a hat, an entirely new concept to the Metkayina. Ralak looks at him, a little confused, eyes bouncing between the strangely shaped item and his brother. "For the child's head."

Ralak smiles, his furrowed brows relaxing when he understands. Zu’té raises his brows and gently nudges it closer to the babe in your arms. Ralak nods, watching as Zu’té slips it on his head as gently as he can.

"Toto, that is very kind—"

"Don't flatter yourself." Zu’té cuts his brother short, pulling back to see the finished result of his hard work. It fits perfectly. "I had plenty of time."

Zu’té steps back, giving you two some space.

A sudden splash of the water makes Ralak jolt in his skin, but he calms down once he realises that it’s the healer situating herself next to you so she can tend to you. He isn’t all here right now, either.

“You did well, sa’nu.” You recognize her voice and strain to open your eyes, vaguely seeing her features.

She was at all your lessons with Ronal. The only one who didn’t look at you like some sort of alien. The only one who treated you with respect.

“All on your own. You need to be strong for a little while longer, alright? This may hurt.”

She begins gently massaging your abdomen under the water—a step that is empirical for healing. You clench your jaw and squeeze your eyes shut, shoving your head back into Ralak, who is visibly trying to withhold his look of displeasure.

“I get that look quite a bit. It’ll be over soon, sempu.”

You look down with foggy vision and see the hat on your baby's head. Immediately, you know who made it. You turn your head, looking directly at Zu’té and smile, mouthing 'thank you'. Zu’té returns the smile with a slight nod, remaining silent.

A high-pitched, excited voice has both you and Ralak turning your heads to see your little sister.

“Woah! Mama, look!” Tuk exclaims, tugging Neytiri by the hand to get a closer look.

“Shh, Tuk. He is asleep.” Neytiri hushes her youngest, nuzzling her into her side. The others stay quiet as they approach, crouching down at the bank of the lake to look at their new family member.

“I am so proud of you, my daughter. He looks like you.” Neytiri whispers, raking her fingers through your knotted hair.

You exhale a shaky breath and smile weakly, leaning into your mothers comforting touch.

Jake looks down at the suckling babe in your arm, eyes burning as they gloss over with tears. “You did it, babygirl.”

Hearing your fathers words after so many years of feeling like a failure, you can’t help the sob you sputter out.

“D-Daddy.” You cry shakily, breath hitching. “It was s-so h-hard.”

“I know, baby. I know. But you did it. ” He coos at his own baby, rubbing your shoulder as he looks over to Ralak. “You both did.” He smiles with his son-in-law, cupping the back of his head with his other hand.

Neteyam and Lo’ak wait patiently at the back, not wanting to crowd you. Neteyam is particularly worried for you, he’s been beating himself up for not checking on you when he knew deep in his gut that he should have.

Lo’ak is… nervous, despite his big talk about being the best uncle. Your parents pull back, allowing some space for you, Ralak and the healer.

“Guys.” You sniffle, craning your neck to look at them. “C-Come see your nephew.”

They approach cautiously and kneel down next to you and Ralak. Neteyam smiles, golden eyes quivering as he takes in his features.

“It’s uncle teytey.” Neteyam takes his nephew's tiny hand, his thumb grazing over his five fingers. Then Neteyam looks at you, his expression going from bright to glum. “I’m sorry I didn’t check on you.”

You shake your head and smile, barely keeping your eyes open. “Don’t be.”

“Y/n. I—” To your surprise, Lo’ak is speechless. “He is beautiful.”

“Thank you, uncle Lo’ Lo’.” You smile with another sniffle, using that god-damned nickname he wouldn’t let up on.

Lo'ak returns the smile, hearing it fall from your quivering lips makes his heart full. You finally lean back against Ralak's chest, allowing your eyes to close, heavy and swollen from all your shed tears of joy and pain.

You feel the healer’s hands leave your stomach and make their way to your chest where she ensures the babe has latched properly. “Perfect latch. You are a natural, y/n.”

You smile wobbly at her words, feeling extra proud of yourself.

“I will leave the medicines here, ensure she takes them on time.” She’s speaking to Ralak, who is also in a daze, gazing down at his son. “I will come and check on her tonight. Until then, she needs to rest. No heavy lifting.”

Ralak finally averts his attention to the healer, a smile on his lips as he nods. He’d never let you lift a finger, anyways.

“Ralak, your wound is open.” Neytiri speaks with concern in her voice.

The healer looks down to see his mangled laceration. “Eywa…Now, this will hurt.” Her eyes go wide and she immediately gets her things to sew him back up. Neteyam and Lo’ak look at the bleeding gash with wide eyes. Jake grimaces.

“D-Does that hurt?” Tuk asks shyly, peeking out from behind Neytiri to see.

Ralak shakes his head with a smile, too overjoyed with the safe delivery of his first born son to even notice anymore.

“No pain. Only happiness.” Ralak says softly, accent heavy on his tongue as he looks back down at his now stirring babe.

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alesardesign · 7 months ago

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Not so gentle reminder that Alec said this in City of Ashes while he was going to rescue Jace because he thought that since he was gay he wouldn’t deserve to be buried there like other shadowhunters. He probably thought he was going to be buried somewhere at an intersection. Excuse me while I go cry.

#cassandra clare #shadowhunters #tmi #twp #malec #malec book #alec lightwood #alexander gideon lightwood #lgbtq #pride month #consul #city of bones #city of ashes #silent city #angst #im cryin

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pedrospatch · 8 months ago

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a safe haven l ten

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: After a long night, Joel and Ellie take you home.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. (TW) THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF AN INJURY SUSTAINED FROM AN ACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, PREGNANCY, CONVERSATIONS SURROUNDING PREGNANCY LOSS . PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. Ellie and reader are very close to each other, Joel deals with feelings of guilt, Joel and Maria make nice, Joel gives reader a bath and washes her hair, food consumption (i am just gonna apologize to my lactose intolerant folks right now, trust me i must pretend with you), both reader and Joel have some big feelings, reader mentions her deceased father, angst, soft and domestic Joel, fluff.

word count: 5k

a/n: i have not updated this series since october. :l i feel a a mixed bag of emotions updating after all this time, but most of all, i am grateful to know there are a couple of people out there who are still invested in this story. to anyone who has been waiting: truly, it means the world that you have shown me patience, support, and kindness. believe me, i am going to be seeing this story to the end, and it is all thanks to those who continue to show this lil story of mine a whole lotta love. special shoutout to the loveliest human @mrsmando who made me this beautiful mooodboard every single time i got stuck during this chapter, i looked at it and it gave me the boost of inspiration i needed. thank you mimi <33 this chapter is fairly tame, the next chapter is already in the works, and there are a couple of time jumps coming. overall, we are down to the last handful of chapters. let’s finish this story and give these two the ending they deserve, shall we?

“What the hell is taking Tommy so fucking long?” Ellie whines. She’s sprawled out on the couch with her head in your lap, and her arm draped over her eyes. Her feet are hanging, dangling over the edge of the couch at an odd angle after you’d warned her not to get muck from her sneakers on the linen fabric. Despite Joel insisting over and over that she head on back to the house, she had stubbornly refused, not wanting to leave your side. “It’s been over two hours! He’s taking fucking forever, man. What’s the fucking hold up?”

Joel bites back a sigh, masking his own impatience. Or at least, he tries. He’s grown just as restless as the kid, if not more. Much like Ellie, he’s desperate. He’s itching to take you home already, almost too anxious to watch you take that first step over his threshold, and into your new life with him and with Ellie. He aches, aches, to get you settled into the place where you would be spending the remainder of your days with one another, where you would be safe, and loved in the way you deserved to be loved—the place where he would cherish and adore you until his final breath.

“Don’t know,” he answers, his voice sounding rougher, more gruff than usual. Reaching up, he scrubs his hand down the side of his face, adding tiredly, “He might be a while longer, kiddo. It could be another hour, could be more. Like I already told you, s’probably best if you just go on and head back to the house without us, alright?”

“No. I’m not walking out that fucking door unless she’s with me.” She pauses and pulls her arm away from her face for a moment, just long enough to throw a teeny glare his way. “Unless you’re both with me. The three of us go home together, or it’s no fucking deal. Got it?”

He shakes his head in utter exasperation.

“Ellie, we’ll be right here down the fuckin’ road—”

Her hand shoots out and she flips him off.

Just when he’s about to chastise her, he stops himself, clamping his mouth shut. It’s pointless.

Kid’s too goddamn hard headed for her own good, and Joel knows he’s just wasting his breath with her.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” you reassure them both, weaving your fingers through her hair to scratch at her scalp in an effort to soothe her. “Right, Joel?”

He meets your exhausted, worn down gaze from where he’s standing across the room, and his heart lurches in his chest. As the guilt begins creeping in, he’s forced to look away. He can’t imagine the living hell you had been through over the last twenty four hours alone. And the worst part about it was the realization that last night, while he was fast asleep in bed just a couple of houses up the road, that fucking bastard had his belt wrapped around your throat.

Joel feels sick to his fucking stomach all over again.

Horrifying, vividly real images of you helplessly trapped underneath Luke scratching and clawing at the leather around your neck with trembling fingers, struggling to breathe oxygen into your burning lungs as he tugged it tighter and tighter through the buckle flash in his mind, a gruesome nightmare turned into reality.

Exactly how far had Luke taken it?

Until you had grown too weak to keep fighting?

Until you almost lost complete consciousness?

Until he noticed the life threatening to leave your eyes?

Is that when he had finally stopped pulling on the belt?

Joel shudders, a bitter taste climbing up his throat as it sinks in. He could have lost you—and his unborn child.

This shouldn’t have happened.

He shouldn’t have let you walk away that night.

This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t let you walk away from him that night.

“Joel,” you say his name, quiet and weary.

His head snaps back in your direction and he glances at you, almost missing the subtle shake of your head. It is a silent warning telling him not to go there, though you know by the tight clench of his jaw it’s too late for that.

Joel makes the futile attempt to hide it, but he sees it written all over your face—you know what he’s thinking because you know him like the back of your own hand, and you just know he’s placing all of the blame for what happened to you on his own shoulders.

But can you honestly fault him for that?

How can you expect him not to feel like he is somehow responsible for this? Just how the hell is he supposed to make himself believe he hadn’t failed you?

Joel promised—he had fucking promised you—that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. He had sworn to keep you safe, made a vow to protect you from Luke, but here you are, your soft, delicate flesh marred with the painful evidence of yet another one of his failures.

And it was all because he had let you walk away on that fucking night.

He should have done something.

Even if it meant running the risk of you never speaking to him again—even if you never forgave him, spent the rest of your life angry and hating him for going against your wishes. He should have something.

“Joel—”

“Be right back,” he mutters, lightly shaking his head.

Shoving away from the doorframe he’s leaning against, Joel pivots on the heel of his boot and starts down the hallway. He walks into the kitchen where he finds Maria standing at the counter, tapping her fingers against the smooth, laminated oakwood as she waits for the coffee she’d offered him a few minutes ago to finish brewing. She’d offered to whip up a quick supper, but food was the last thing on everyone’s mind.

“Tommy’s been gone for a couple hours now. Girls are startin’ to get real tired of just sittin’ around waitin’ for him to come back,” he tells her, exhaling the sigh he’d held back in the living room. “What do you think could be keepin’ him so long?”

With her back still to him, Maria reminds him, “Well, he did mention he was going to round up the council and get them together for an emergency meeting.” She lets out a sigh that matches his own—it’s been a long night for her, too. When the last drop of dark roast drips into the glass pot, she carefully takes the pot by the plastic handle and pours the steaming coffee into a speckled, white and blue ceramic mug. “Do you take it with milk and sugar?”

“No thanks, that’s alright,” he declines as politely as he can.

“I also have cinnamon if you’d like?”

“Plain black’s just fine.” He gives her a nod of gratitude when she hands it to him. “Thank you. And I don’t just mean the coffee, but for, uh—for bandagin’ up my hand for me, too.” He clocks the brief look of surprise on her face and almost laughs. He doesn’t blame her for being taken aback, because truth be told, so is he. Since he’d met Maria, he had known she didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. There was something of a mutual understanding between them, a silent agreement they had made to keep each other at arm’s length, to only interact when it was absolutely necessary.

Never did he think he would be standing in her kitchen, thanking her for patching up his hand, and for making him a cup of coffee out of the kindness of her heart.

His brother wouldn’t believe it.

“Don’t mention it.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she leans back against the counter. “How’s it feel, by the way?”

“S’fine,” he replies, shrugging. “Nothin’ I can’t handle.”

There’s a momentary silence. A taste of tension lingers over their heads, and he knows at one point or another, he’s going to have to address the affair, the very reason everything had unfolded in such a terrible manner.

Guess now’s as good a time as fuckin’ any, he thinks to himself with an inward sigh.

Joel lightly clears his throat. “Listen, since we’ve got a minute alone, just the two of us, I was wonderin’ if, uh—if we could talk ‘bout somethin’? If that’s alright?”

“Of course.” Maria gives him the floor.

“I know that she—” Pausing, he shuffles from the heel of one boot to the other, his ears burning hot. He had known it wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have, but he underestimated just how uncomfortable it would be, regardless of what she already knew. “I know she told you and Tommy all ‘bout us, and ‘bout our relationship. See, the thing is, the first time I saw her—”

Again, Joel stops, the burning sensation now radiating, spreading from his ears to his face and down his neck, flushing his skin a deep, deep shade of pink. Unable to meet his sister in law’s gaze, he glances down into his mug, as if he will somehow find the right words to say somewhere in the depths of his coffee.

“It was never my intention, y’know,” he finally says after a minute. “Goin’ after a married woman. I swear, I never meant to fall for her. I just fuckin’ did. I think I might’ve fallen for her long before I even met her,” he confesses. He feels himself darken to a shade of maroon under her curious stare. “And somehow, for reasons I ain’t all too sure I’ll ever understand, she fell for me too.”

Maria raises an eyebrow at him. “Look, I’m not judging you, Joel,” she assures him, shaking her head. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not judging her, either.”

He looks up at her, blurting out, “You’re not?”

She moves her hands to cradle her swollen middle. “Do I wish you two had handled everything differently?” she answers her own query with a nod of her head. “Oh, I’m sure we all do. But I’ve known her for a long time now. I know the kind of woman she is. And I’m starting to see the kind of man you are.”

“And what kinda man is that, Maria?”

He waits without the slightest clue as to what she could possibly say.

“Since you came back to Jackson, I’ve chosen to keep my distance from you—but make no mistake, I’ve been watching you like a hawk since day one. Waiting for any signs of trouble. Waiting for you to fuck up. Waiting for you to give me a good reason to throw your ass out of this community because I didn’t trust you. Not after all the things I was told about you.”

He snorts. “You goin’ somewhere with this?”

“You are not who I thought you were,” Maria admits, smiling wryly. “I’ve gotten to see a different side of you. You pull your weight around here by doing your job and doing it well. You stay out of trouble—for the most part. And more importantly, I have seen the way that you’ve stepped up to be a father figure to Ellie. It takes a good man to do that, Joel.”

“Think that’s the nicest fuckin’ thing you’ve ever said to me,” he muses, setting his mug down on the counter. “I stepped up because I love her. I love them both. Those two, they’re the best parts of me. They’re the reasons I keep goin’ and now I’ve got another reason on the way.”

Maria smiles, but it vanishes as quickly as it appears.

Catching her hesitance, Joel asks, “What? What is it?”

“What comes next is not going to be easy,” she warns him, lowering her voice. Even with the living room a fair distance from the kitchen, she doesn’t want to run the risk of you overhearing her. “For as hard as we’re going to try to contain the fire, it will spread, and everyone in this town will find out about everything—including the affair. People are going to talk, and believe me, they’re going to have a whole lot to say about it, Joel.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at her.

“Think I can handle some fuckin’ gossip, Maria.”

“I know you can. But I’m not sure if she can,” Maria tells him, quietly. “It worries me. She’s been through a lot in just one night alone. I don’t want her stressing anymore than she already has. She is in a very delicate stage of her pregnancy right now, Joel. If she’s not careful, she could have a miscarriage. She had one about two years ago when her father became sick—” Observing his lack of a reaction, she realizes, “You knew that already.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. He knows where she’s going with this. “I did. She told me ‘bout it.”

“It makes her chances of having another one higher—”

Joel doesn’t even allow himself to think of it happening to you again. “I get it,” he interjects, trying not to sound too curt. “I’ll make sure she takes it real easy, alright?”

Lifting a hand off her belly, she reaches out and takes a hold of his forearm, gripping it tightly.

“Promise me something, Joel. Promise me that you’ll look after her,” Maria pleads him, gently. “Please. After everything she’s been through—I need you to promise me that she’s going to be in good hands with you.”

He nods. Without thinking, he places his hand over hers in an unexpected token of affection and reassurance. “You have my word, Maria. I’ll take good care of her.”

She gives his arm a grateful squeeze, then glances over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. “It’s getting pretty late. We don’t know how much longer Tommy’s going to be with the council. Why don’t we just go ahead and call it a night?” she suggests. “We can all get together first thing in the morning at your place to talk about it.”

“Yeah, good idea,” he agrees. “She really needs to rest.”

Maria gives his arm another squeeze.

“Go on then, Joel. Take your girls home.”

“Finally!” Ellie exclaims with a dramatic flail of her arms as she shoves through the front door.

“Alright, kiddo. Get your behind upstairs and into the shower,” Joel instructs her, flipping on the lights in the foyer. “Y’smell like fuckin’ horse shit.”

She lifts the collar of her shirt to her nose, takes a whiff, and makes a face. “Yeah, I won’t argue with you there,” she mutters. She toes off her dirty sneakers and leaves them beside the door before dashing up the staircase, taking two steps at a time.

He shouts after her, “And don’t use up all the hot—”

“Yeah, yeah, I fucking know the rules, dude!”

Moments later, you both hear the shower going.

“Little shit,” he grumbles.

You exhale an amused huff through your nose.

Joel withdraws his arm from around your shoulders and reaches for your hand, lacing your fingers together. “C’mon, darlin’.” He guides you up the stairs and down the hallway into his bedroom where he switches on the light before proceeding to lead you over to his dresser. “I’ve got a bunch of shirts in this top drawer here,” he says. Dropping your hand, he pulls it open for you and gestures to it with a jut of his chin as he takes a step backwards, moving out of the way. “Go ahead and pick one to sleep in tonight. Want you to be comfortable, so help yourself to whichever one you want, sweet girl.”

Nodding, you begin to rummage through the drawer, unaware of the moment he slips away. You reach for a t-shirt, but then a plaid green flannel catches your eye. You pluck it from the drawer, running your fingers over the soft, warm fabric. “Is it alright if I wear—?” You turn around, stopping mid sentence when you realize he’s no longer standing behind you. Puzzled, you follow the sound of running water into the bathroom where you find him kneeling beside the tub. “Joel? What are you doing?”

“Runnin’ you a bath.”

You notice the bloodied bandage beside him on the tile floor. “Joel, are you serious?” you scold him. “Maria just patched your hand up for you.”

“S’okay, peach. I can rewrap it when we’re done.” Joel sticks his injured hand under the faucet to check the temperature, the cold water soothing his cuts. Once it turns warm, then hot, he pulls out his hand, waiting for the tub to fill halfway before shutting the faucet off and rising to his feet. “C’mere, sweetheart.” He rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his forearms, then beckons for you with both of his hands. “Let’s get you washed up.”

You remain standing by the door. “Joel, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know.”

“I’m capable of washing myself—”

“Yeah, I know that too,” he says, chuckling. “S’only fair, darlin’. Don’t you think?”

That’s when it hits you—how this moment is mirroring that night you had cleaned Joel up after you and Ellie had brought him home from the clinic with an injured shoulder. He allowed you to take care of him, and now, he was looking to do the same for you. And all you had to do was let him.

“But your hand—”

“Will be just fine,” Joel persists, stubbornly. “It’s nothin’ but a few cuts and scrapes. C’mon—or else I’m gonna march right over there and get you myself, peach.”

Knowing Joel, you certainly wouldn’t put it past him to throw you over his should and carry you to the bathtub.

“Fine,” you relent with a small sigh of defeat.

Setting his shirt down on the sink, you slowly walk over towards him and whirl around, letting him help you out of your knitted cardigan. You finish undressing yourself, inhaling a deep breath as you muster up the courage to turn back around and face him—when you finally do, it feels like a punch to the gut to see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes, the subtle tremble of his bottom lip. You don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror to know it looks about a hundred times worse when you’re not wearing clothes.

Keeping your arms down at your sides, you fight every urge to cover yourself up. You’ve never felt so fucking vulnerable.

Clearing his throat, Joel holds out his hand. “C’mere.”

You accept it, and he helps you into the tub.

“How’s the water? S’not too hot, is it?”

You shake your head and he leans forward, kissing your temple so sweetly, your eyes flutter closed.

He washes your hair first, then takes a clean washcloth, lathering it up with a bar of milk and honey soap—the same soap he would smell on your skin all those nights. Admittedly, Joel preferred castile soap, but switched it when he found himself missing you during those weeks you were apart from him, when he needed the comfort of your scent. He is gentle with you, so gentle, as if he’s afraid you’ll shatter into pieces in his hands.

As he lightly drags the washcloth up your back and around your neck, you stiffen, prompting him to freeze too. “Fuck. Baby, did I hurt you?” he asks, and you hear the slight panic in his tone.

“No,” you say quickly, desperately trying to swallow the lump rising in your throat. “No, you didn’t hurt me. It’s just—” Every overwhelming emotion slams into you all at once, and you can’t seem to figure out which one to feel first. Humiliation? Fear? Relief?

The water sloshes around you as you pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, giving yourself permission to feel them all. Bowing your head, you begin to sob quietly, hoping that Ellie, who is just down the hallway, won’t hear you crying again.

Joel says nothing. Washcloth still clutched in his hand, he leans forward over the edge of the tub and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close, or at least, as close as the barrier between the two of you will allow him.

“Joel,” you choke, trying to push him off. “Stop it. Your clothes, they’re getting all wet.”

“Hush. Don’t fuckin’ care ‘bout my clothes,” he croaks, and for a second, you swear he’s about to cry too. But he doesn’t. He holds himself strong. Tugging you closer against his chest, he buries his nose into your soaking wet hair, whispering his reassurance. “You’re okay, baby. You’re safe, my sweet girl. I’ve got you, alright?”

He pulls back slightly, dipping his hand into the water, placing it on your lower belly.

You look down, your eyes glazing over his bruised and battered knuckles. Proof that Joel Miller really would do anything for you.

“I know you do,” you say, softly. “I know you’ve got me, Joel.”

A while later, you’re dried, dressed, and composed. You follow Joel out of the bathroom and back into his room, where he has you take a seat on the bed. Noticing you had missed a button on his flannel shirt, he does it for you. He plants a kiss on the top of your head and says, “Give me a minute while I change.”

He peels off his wet clothes, being careful so as not to further agitate his sore, injured hand. After changing into a pair of gray sweatpants and an old, faded black t-shirt, he turns around only to find you’re sitting in bed underneath the covers.

“Sorry,” you apologize with a nervous chuckle as you rest your back against the headboard. “It just looked so warm and cozy—and it smells like you. I couldn’t resist making myself comfortable.”

Joel pads over to the side of the bed. He leans over, planting one hand on either side of you as he dips his head and brushes his lips against yours. “Ain’t got no reason to apologize, baby,” he assures you in a gentle murmur. “This is your bed now too, peach. This is your room. This is your home. Alright?”

Home.

You’re home.

He touches the tip of his nose to yours, and then draws himself back up to full height. “There’s somethin’ that I’ve gotta take care of downstairs, peach. I won’t be too long,” he promises.

It’s almost midnight. Joel goes about the kitchen and he prepares you the quickest meal that he can think of. He plates the sandwich he’d thrown together and pours a glass of cow’s milk—he’s always sure to keep a pint of it in the refrigerator to make the kid her oatmeal in the mornings.

He heads back upstairs, only to find that while he had been gone, Ellie had joined you, making herself a little too comfortable on his side of the bed. He stands there at the door, watching the two of you.

“Hey, so is it true babies can hear stuff while they’re in there?” Ellie questions you, curiously.

“Mhm,” you reply with a nod. “They can hear music, for example. Voices—”

“Voices?” She smushes her face into your stomach and he hears a muffled, “Hey, dude!”

You giggle. “Ellie, I think it’s still a little too early.”

“When do you think it’ll be able to hear me?”

“I’m not too sure. In a few months, maybe?”

Ellie lifts her head, humming. “You know, I bet there’s baby books in the library,” she tells you as she sits up. “I’ll have Dina help me look for one tommor—oh shit.” She stares at you with wide eyes. “Dina! How are you going to tell her and Talia about Luke?”

Joel grimaces. He hadn’t thought of that, either.

“I—I’m not too sure.”

“You have to fucking tell them. Dina has to know about him. She has to know what a piece of shit he is, and so does Talia.”

Sensing your discomfort, Joel steps into the bedroom and intervenes before she can say another word. “Ellie, get to bed. S’late.”

“But—”

“Don’t make me tell you again,” he warns her, sternly.

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine.” She climbs off the bed and on her way out, she eyes the plate in his hand. “That chicken?”

“Turkey. And it ain’t for you, it’s for her. So scram, kid.”

“Couldn’t have made me one while you were at it, old man?”

“Ellie, if you don’t get outta here right now—”

“Alright!” Ellie holds her hands up. “I’m leaving. Jesus.”

She disappears, closing the door behind her.

“Pain in my ass,” Joel mumbles, shaking his head as he walks over and carefully perches himself beside you. He hands you the plate. “Here, darlin’.”

“Joel, I appreciate this, but I’m really not very hungry.”

“Maybe not, but y’gotta eat,” he insists. “Baby needs it.”

Thankfully, you accept it without further protest.

“I’ll have Ellie get your things tomorrow,” Joel states as you’re eating. “Maria can go along with her since she knows the house. They’ll get your clothes and whatever else you might need outta there.”

“My father’s belongings.” You accidentally talk through a mouthful of turkey and bread. Swallowing, you tell him, “I have some boxes of his stuff in the basement. But they’re way too heavy for either of them to carry.”

“I’ll take care of that for you.” He reaches up, wiping a breadcrumb from the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “I can ask Tommy to give me a hand. Don’t you worry, peach. We won’t leave your dad’s things behind, I swear it.”

Relieved, you shoot him a grateful look, then polish off the last few bites of your sandwich.

“Here,” he says, offering you the glass of milk. “Figured it’s good for you, and good for the baby. Y’know, since it’s got calcium and…stuff.” He shrugs sheepishly, no clue as to what he’s talking about. “Vitamins, right?”

Nodding, you grab the glass and take a reluctant sip.

“You hate milk,” Joel realizes, raising an eyebrow.

“I do,” you admit with a laugh. “But you’re right. It’s good for both me and the baby, so cheers.” And with that, you somehow force the entire glass down.

He sets the dishes aside on the nightstand, figuring he can take them downstairs first thing in the morning.

Without bothering to rebandage his hand like he’d told you he would, Joel turns off the lights and climbs into bed with you. “All those nights wishin’ I could bring you home,” he muses as you curl into his side. “Wantin’ nothin’ more than to hold you in my arms in this bed. In our bed.” His arm slips around your shoulders, a laugh rumbling through his chest. “Almost doesn’t feel real, darlin’.”

Tilting your head, you nuzzle your nose into the scruff of his beard, prompting him to laugh again. Then, he remembers his conversation with Maria, and his smile fades from his face, his lips pursing together.

You catch the sudden shift in his demeanor.

“Joel? What’s the matter?”

“M’fine, baby. It’s just—” He hesitates. “From this point forward, I need you to let me handle things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you gettin’ all stressed out, alright? I don’t want to run the risk of you—” He’s unsure of how to say it.

“Of me losing the baby,” you finish for him, quietly.

Joel winces, knowing he was wandering into sensitive territory. “Yeah. I—I really don’t want that to happen.” He pauses. “Maria mentioned to me you’re in a delicate stage. When do you reckon you’ll stop—how long until you don’t gotta worry ‘bout it?”

“After twelve weeks, my risk isn’t as high. If I make it to the second trimester in six weeks, then my chances of having another miscarriage are lower.”

Though you speak calmly, he clocks your anxiousness.

You’re worried, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t fucking worried out of his mind too.

Being a father at his age wasn’t ideal, but he wanted this child. It was part of him, and more importantly, it was a part of you.

Joel squeezes your shoulders. “I only ask ‘cause I was thinkin’ that, y’know, once we get to that point, maybe I can go ahead and start buildin’ the baby’s crib.”

“You’re going to build the crib?”

He nods. “And the highchair too. I can even make you a diaper changin’ table if y’want one.”

“Joel.” You can’t help but chuckle. “Our worlds were just turned completely upside down. You just found out that I’m pregnant, and you’re already thinking about building furniture? Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

“Hey, those things take a whole ‘lotta time,” he says in defense of himself. “Besides, winter’s right around the corner and I don’t wanna be out in the garage freezin’ my fuckin’ ass off. If I can get a head start now, I can have them all done in the spring by the time the baby comes.”

You fall silent.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m really scared of losing it,” you confess. “When I first took that pregnancy test, I wanted nothing more for it to be negative. Now, I’m terrified I won’t make it past my first trimester again. I really don’t want to lose it. I want this baby, Joel.”

He turns his head, meeting your eyes in the silver light shining through the lace curtains over his window. “S’why you’ve gotta let me handle things, darlin’. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“C’mere, my sweet girl.” Joel presses his lips to yours, murmuring against them, “I love you.”

His declaration comes with natural ease.

And so does yours.

“I love you too, Joel.”

#fic: a safe haven #fic: ash #tw dv #tw domestic violence #tw pregnancy #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller series #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #the last of us fanfiction

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amimuu · 1 day ago

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Something’s not quite right 🤔….

(Ft @oneofthosenightbees ‘s Narinder)

Guess who’s back, back again :3 (yes it’s me I bring new VTA after a thousand years)

Managed to participate in the Bluesky cotl lambswap event 😎

I was paired up with a super cool artist—it was so fun drawing their Narinder rdjndndndndndnnd—thank you for letting me borrow him!

Yes, Chime could easily drop kick him but they are in ✨panic mode✨ so for now they’ll just run until they feel safe enough to try anything else sjndnejsje

Wanted to give the other Narinder an effect of “he doesn’t belong here” so I glitched him all over and didn’t put the little blur effect on him :]

I’m so glad I was able to take part in this event :DDDD!!! Hopefully more VTA art is coming after this��until then, Amimuu out!

#cult of the lamb #vows to ash au #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #narilamb #cotl #cotl au #the sillies being silly #also—comedy and fluff?!?!#with no angst?!?!?#impossible..how did this happen??!?

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vyviiennestar · 8 days ago

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Pretty Little Heart | 🫀 Simon's pretty girl, has a pretty little heart || © vyviiennestar — all posts that are copied, edited, modified, used without credit/permission will be reported, & blocked.

WANRNINGS ⚠ ; 18+ — smut, praise kink, fluff, after care, implied pinv, small breeding kink, pet names ; baby girl, good girl, sweet girl, pretty girl | second person pov | sorry if it seems cringy.

'Baby!! I found a kitty :( she's hurt'

'If it's okay, I went to get some kitty foods, & toys. Until we can find her a home :('

He checked his phone, and let out a small breathy sigh, that was also a small 'awee...' — His thumbs went over the screen as he typed a reply.

'That's okay, sweet girl. I just wish you talked to me about it first.'

'I'm sorry :( I couldn't leave her.'

'It's okay, baby girl. We'll talk about it more when I come home, okay, pretty baby?'

'Yes, Si.'

'Look at her, so sleepy, and small :('

You hand him a picture of the small kitty on the swells of your chest. The dress you put on this morning, the pretty dark red colour matched your [coloured] eyes, and hair. God, you're so pretty. His pretty sweet girl, with your sweet little heart. He wasn't gonna call you innocent, & pure, because he knew you weren't. But his eyes fell back on the sleeping kitty.

'She is, sweet girl. You look sleepy, too. You should rest, baby girl. I'll be home soon, yeah?'

'Yeah, okie... night night.'

He chuckled, it was only twelve, at noon. But, even when you were ready to nap you said that.

A few hours later — He came home, saw you on the couch, napping with the small kitty. Your pretty dark red dress only stopped at your knees, but it must've rode up—Because, it stopped at your mid thigh. He gently scooped up the kitty off your breasts, and place her on the kitty bed by the couch.

You started stirring, "Si..." you mumbled sleepily. "Yes, sweet girl?" He let out as your eyes fluttered open. "Mmm, miss you..." he smiled at his sweet girl's soft, sleepy words.

"I missed you, baby." He rested his big warm hand on your thigh, and you curled into his touch. His rubbed gently rubbed your thigh. Humming softly as he smiled gently at you. "Still sleepy, baby?" His hand slipped under the rest of your dresses skirt, but stopped on your hip, just in case you didn't want to do anything.

"Mhm..." you hummed, before continuing, "But, I missed you..." you whispered sleepily, "Yeah? How much, baby?"

You sat up, and now his hand was on your lap, you were a bit shy to ask this since he got home from a stressful day, and you were still so sleepy, "Can... you touch me...?" You spoke softly.

You were laid down in bed, his hips rutting against yours as you whined, mewled, and moaned. "God, sweet girl." He kissed your neck, down to the spot on your chest where the kitty was laying a few moments ago—"Does my sweet girl have a sweet little heart? Helping the baby kitty, did the kitty need your help?" He groaned softly in your ear as he whispered those words.

"Mhm, k-kitty needed m-my help—" you whined, he was so gentle. God, he wanted to bust in you, then and there. Fill you with his seed, swell you with his babies. Make you a mama—Seeimg you care for that little kitty, he need you to be a mom.

"Fuck, baby. Oh, baby." He moaned, and groaned. "Gonna make you a mama." His words made you gasp and shudder, a small moan slipped past your lips, "Yeah? You like that idea? Let's see how you deal with the kitty. And, maybe, I'll give you a baby if you do good."

"Pl-please—" God, your moaning. Your pleading moans. It was hard to not bust. He needed to bust. But, he took your needs first, his hips moved faster. "Ah—Haaa...!"

He felt you slowly tighten around him. You were so close. He knew it, by your body language, by your moans, and whimpers, by your grasp on his hands.

"That's it baby, 'old onta me. I got ya, baby, just a bit more, yeah?"

"Mhm—! Y-yeah, l-litt'le m-more—!" You echoed back. You whined as your back slowly started to arched. "Oh, S-Si—!" Your last few moans were loud, yet soft.

He groaned, gently kissing your forehead.

He rested you back in bed after he gave you a warm bath, and into your new pj's he bought you the other day, and coaxed you into a peaceful sleep.

He got up, and went to feed the tiny kitty.

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marf244 · 9 months ago

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Ash never got to give her brother his birthday card

#angst with a happy desmond as compensation #assassins creed #desmond miles #assassins creed oc #oc: ash #ocs #fanart #my art #modern day gang #ac fanart

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vendettasfanfictioning · 1 year ago

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oh my fucking god dean had to carry cas' body to get him onto the pyre he had to carry all of cas' dead weight while the grief still clung to his shoulders he wrapped up cas' body himself and when sam mentions the meadow, he says it's where dean spread the ashes, excluding him and jack because dean wouldn't have let anyone else handle cas so dean had to be the one to carry cas from the house table to the pyre they all lost something in cas, a friend, a protector, a father, but dean lost half of his soul that night oh i am unwell and unstable with these thoughts—

#another detail that's logical and off screen but completely hit me punched me in the gut and kicked my knees in #what the fuck #dean. had to carry the corpse of his best friend. his soul mate. the love of his life. to to to burn him #and he and he made sure to spread cas' ashes somewhere he knew cas would like #WHAT THE FU #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #jack kline #widower arc #s13 widower arc #destiel #deancas #ANGST

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dawnthefox24 · 8 months ago

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*MW Pharah sighs softly sitting down and closes her eyes for a moment as she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly* MW Pharah: Deep breaths Fareeha....Deep breaths... MW Ashe: Well that's a weird way to meditated MW Pharah: *jumps a bit* Jesus! MW Ashe: Wrong name but you didn't answer my question. MW Pharah:*looks at her and sighs*It's about Cole MW Ashe: Cassidy? Why Cassidy? MW Pharah:*looks away* I'm worried for him...he risked life for me and Genji...Mainly he might get- MW Ashe:*cuts her off* He doesn't get caught, he bullshits his way out of anything. But I know what you mean... MW Pharah: If My mother and Angela find out he... MW Ashe: They won't.... MW Pharah:....Was he always like this? MW Ashe: What do you mean? MW Pharah: Cole...Was he always you know...Like that? MW Ashe:*Looks at her sadly* H-he was... MW Pharah:...What's your story with Cole... MW Ashe:...I...When we met he was special.... MW Pharah:*connecting the dots* No way!! You guys were a thing!? MW Ashe:*turns bright red and bops her on the head* Hush!! Maybe I don't know! MW Pharah:*laughs a bit* Okay, okay. MW Ashe: We were partners in crime, Cole was something...But something happened. MW Pharah: He told me something like that... MW Ashe: I guess he told you it was me? MW Pharah: Uh not really he told me that I should never let my guard down, since he doesn't want me to be doubled crossed, injured, played and betrayed.... MW Ashe:*looks down knowing what Cole was referencing about* MW Pharah: I think he still care's though...I trust you and Reyes... MW Ashe:*laughs softly* Even though we betrayed him? MW Pharah:*sighs softly* You know...He's hurting MW Ashe:...Yeah after ruining his life and everything...I shouldn't have trusted my parents.... MW Pharah: What they did was a cheap shot...That's something that my...mother would do you know.... MW Ashe: ...Still I though giving him a chance would do good but instead it did the opposite of what was suppose to happen and now....I contributed to his anger and hatred and lack of trust in others... MW Pharah:...Reyes feels the same too... MW Ashe:*sighs softly* I worry for him too...Every day Fareeha more than you think.... MW Pharah:*smiles softly and placed her hand on her shoulder* Hey like you said he doesn't get caught... MW Ashe:*smiled softly and chuckled a bit* Yeah your right... MW Pharah:*smiled softly and sighs* I think he's okay MW Ashe:*smiles sadly* I hope so...

#mirrorwatch #mirrorverse #pharah overwatch #pharah #overwatch ashe #ashe overwatch #overwatch elizabeth caledonia ashe #elizabeth caledonia ashe #slight cashe #cashe #ashe angst #pharah angst #mirrorwatch angst #overwatch fareeha amari #fareeha amari

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illyrianbitch · 11 months ago

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Beneath the Ashes of Our Broken Oaths — Part Three

Pairing: Morrigan's Sister!Reader x Azriel

Summary: After abandoning the refuge of Velaris, you, Morrigan’s twin sister, returned to the forsaken Hewn City fueled by a vision for a better future. Now, your estranged family seeks your help when rumors of rebellion spread at a time of utmost inconvenience. Torn between your anger and a desire to protect the good, you begrudgingly agree and are forced to face memories of a past life and the unsettling presence of Azriel– the first man you ever loved.

Warnings: depictions of physical injuries, alcohol use, mention of drugs, Rhysand being a condescending prick, reader being shady

Word Count: 5.5k

← Part Two

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Your nose was broken.

This you were sure of. So was your right leg. And your arm.

Your father was a thorough, thorough man.

There was a nauseating metallic taste in your mouth, a darkening in your vision. You couldn't see much. Eyes too fat, too swollen. Your mouth wasn't any better. Busted, bruised. You couldn't make out the silhouette in front of you--- but you smelled her.

"You shouldn't be here," Evadne said. "Why did you come back?"

You felt her hands on you, tender and soft, examining you, assessing the best way to help. Her hands were warm against your cold skin.

“For you,” you whispered. Your voice is ragged, broken. You weren't sure how you managed to speak. You continued. “I couldn't leave you.”

A heavy sigh. Her arms wrapped around you. A flickering sense of pain spreading throughout your body. You slumped against her.

"That heart of yours will get you killed," she murmured softly.

A cough. Liquid trickled from your lips. The taste of iron flooded your mouth. Blood. You leaned against her, heartbeat in your ears.

“Then I’m already dead.”

“Gods, you look like hell.”

You groaned, slowly lifting yourself up from your sprawled-out position on the worn leather couch. As you blinked away the remnants of sleep, your eyes struggled to adjust to the harsh glow of the day, slowly leaking in through the opened windows— Evadne’s work, you assumed. They were closed last you remembered.

Lifting your hand to shield your eyes, your gaze settled on your best friend who stood over you with her arms crossed over her chest, brows furrowed as she stared down at you.

“Did you sleep on your couch all night?”

Your eyes shuttered as you let your hand fall back down, a deep sense of exhaustion settling heavily upon you. “Maybe,” you said, your voice hoarse. “Yes.”

With a gentle shuffle, Evadne made her way around the piece of furniture, her footsteps muffled against the worn carpet. She tapped lightly at your legs, silently urging you to make room as she settled herself beside you. You complied, maneuvering yourself into an upright position as she took her place at your side.

Her brows furrowed, gaze sweeping over your disheveled appearance. She leaned in, soon pulling away with her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Did you drink a whole damn bar?”

It had only been a few days since Rhysand and Azriel visited you, a few days since you’d practically sold them out to your father. You couldn’t sleep, your mind plagued by visions of your family — of Azriel. At first, you welcomed them, embracing them as a refuge from your normal nightmares. But soon, those new images became worse, more volatile, more painful. You let out a sigh, slowly turning your head to look at Evadne.

“I had no mirthroot left.”

“Y/n.” She widened her eyes. “I just gave you that. It’s supposed to last you weeks.”

“Well, I’ve been under a lot of stress recently,” you retorted. Your tone was sharper than you intended, the stress of your situation festering into a reactionary annoyance. She let out a small sigh and a sense of guilt chewed at you for your flippant response. You deflated.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “I’m just on edge. I don’t mean to snap at you.”

Evadne shook her head gently. There was a moment of silence as she looked you over.

"How do we live in a city of decay and you're still the most depressing thing I've seen today?"

There was a glint of amusement in her dark brown eyes.

“Bite me,” you shot back, managing a weak smile in spite of yourself. The corners of your lips twitched upwards as you looked at her. A second passed. You both let out a small laugh.

Evadne had this effect on you, the ability to make you feel like you were in your body again, like your anger wasn’t consuming you the way you always felt it was. Headstrong, funny, kind… she was all the things you wanted to be – all the things your sister was, once upon a time.

Her smile softened into a smaller, more gentle expression. "Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, her voice filled with a genuine care that made you want to cry— out of desperation, if anything. Out of a longing to be freed of the worries that now plagued you.

You shook your head. You didn’t have to look in a mirror to see what Evadne was worried about, to know why her eyes kept carefully scanning your face. The impact of everything, the lack of sleep, the stress, the alcohol, the mirthroot, it was all no doubt evident in every line etched into your face, in your sluggish movements.

“It’s all falling apart.”

“No,” she replied. “We planned for some complications.”

You let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and empty in the quiet of the room. “Yeah, complications, not my nosy cousin and an even nosier spymaster,” you grumbled bitterly.

Evadne fixed you with a pointed look. “So we’re refusing to even say names now?”

You shot her a glare, annoyance boiling up inside you. The feeling quickly simmered when you met her gaze, patient and unwavering. It had gotten worse recently, your ability to keep your emotions in check. It was all the stress, all of this faith being put in you. It was smothering you. But you couldn’t admit it– after all, you’d brought it on yourself. Eventually, you let out a weary sigh, feeling the fight drain out of you as you slumped against the worn cushions of the couch.

"Fine," you muttered, the resignation evident in your voice. "We didn’t plan for Rhysand and Azriel."

Evadne mirrored you, falling back further into the couch. “Maybe it's time,” she said with a simple shrug.

You frowned, looking at her with knitted brows. “Time for what?”

“To confront that past of yours.”

Your reaction was instant, your body shooting upright, pointed and stiff. You rose from the couch, taking a moment to gather your thoughts.

“No,” you said sternly, turning around to look down at her. There was a deep sense of anger churning in your stomach, a sense of betrayal that had been unearthed from the depths of your being—you didn’t want to dwell on it, didn’t want to go deep diving into the black hole that was your family history.

Evadne didn’t back down, though, blinking slowly. She met your gaze with a calm resolve, eyebrows lifted ever so slightly as if she had anticipated your reaction, as if she viewed it as nothing more than a momentary outburst– a child throwing a tantrum. “Y/n,” she began.

“No,” You said again, your voice firm and resolute. “There's nothing I need to confront," you threw the word back at her emphasizing it with a shake of your head. "Don't treat me like I'm some child."

Evadne let out a heavy sigh, a sense of frustration rolling through her body as her shoulders sagged. She shook her head slightly. "Y/n," she began, "I'm not treating you like some child."

With a fluid motion, she rose from her seat, her movements graceful, purposeful. Meeting your gaze, she continued, "I've never seen you so rattled." She paused for a moment. "And you've dealt with a lot worse than two pretty boys."

You stood there, unmoving, lips pressed together into a thin line, your eyes fixed on the worn floorboards beneath your feet. With a subtle tilt of her head, Evadne attempted to catch your lowered gaze, her own expression still soft, still determined.

"This anger," she began, as you lifted your eyes to meet hers. She furrowed her brows, a flicker of sadness passing through her eyes, she continued, her voice barely above a whisper. "Your anger, it is killing you."

With a small exhale, you shook your head, a tightness in your jaw evident as you clenched your teeth. "No," you asserted, the word resonating with a sense of defiance. "It's fueling me." Your eyes bore into hers.

Evadne didn’t move, didn’t look away. Instead, she simply tilted her head, reaching forward to grab your hands in hers. The crease in her eyebrows deepened. “It is still killing you all the same.”

You stilled, your face falling at her words. She was right. She usually was. You’d spent so long harboring your grudges, holding onto them at night like they were warm bodies, like they were things that could comfort you, fill the holes of the people they used to be. But the grudges only made you bitter, made you angry— and you were the only person that felt that anger. Not them. Never them.

You looked down, your gaze falling to where her hands gently held yours. It was then you caught a glimpse of her arms under the long sleeves of her dress, wrists decorated with a plethora of gold bangles. You tilted your head, taking in the glimmering sheen of the metals. Evadne loved her jewelry— loved her gold. It made her feel like a queen, she had told you once, reminded her of her worth. But she was always very careful about parading such shiny things around. Shiny things were noticed in a city of gloom. Shiny things got you hurt.

You pulled her hands up to eye level, a fast and swift motion that had her letting out a small gasp, your name falling from her lips in protest. You ignored it, fingers pulling up her sleeve, pushing the bangles up her arm.

A surge of icy rage flooded through you, coursing through your veins like a bitter chill. The feeling mingled with a fiery anger that simmered in your stomach, a volatile concoction that left you breathless, left you seeing red. Clenching your jaw tightly, you lifted your gaze to meet Evadne's.

“I’ll kill him.”

She looked at you for a moment, holding your intense gaze. Her eyes then flickered down and she gently pulled her hands away from you. She observed them for a moment, the dark bruises that marred her delicate wrists, stark against the golden hue of her skin. Then, she carefully slid her bracelets to their original position, pulling down her sleeves to cover any evidence of her hurt.

“No,” she said calmly, “But I will, one day. Like we’ve planned.”

"Evadne..."

You looked at her, taking in the beauty of her features, illuminated by the soft glow filtering through the windows. She was beautiful, so beautiful. And she was trapped here, in this city of filth, of ruin. You imagined a different future for her, a future where she lived in a place full of life— a place in the Day Court, perhaps, filled with sunshine and fresh air. A life where she could wear jewelry for the sake of their beauty, where she could be treated like a queen. A life that she deserved. Another wave of rage hit you. Evadne noticed, instantly leaning in to catch your eyesight.

"Y/n, It’s okay," Her voice was calm, collected. She reached out, her hand resting gently on your arm. "You keep your family busy. I’ll stick with the plan."

You nodded your head slowly, taking a deep breath as the fiery storm of rage slowly subsided within you. "Okay, I can do that," you said, "Are you sure?"

You searched Evadne's eyes for any sign of doubt. But all you found was an unwavering resolve, a fierce determination mirrored in her gaze. She smiled, a small laugh escaping her lips. “Yes, I’m sure. We just need to buy time.”

Your fingers trembled slightly as you anxiously ran a hand through your hair, your head still nodding at her words. You made your way across the room to where your liquor collection sat, the bottles gleaming in the light.

“How many do you think we have for tonight?” You asked, throwing the question over your shoulder. You heard her let out a small breath, footsteps following as she walked towards you.

"Not a lot,” she admitted. “Less than half.”

You let out a sigh, the tension in your muscles releasing slightly as you poured yourself a drink. The amber liquid flowed smoothly into the glass.

“They’re scared. Rhysand visiting is enough to unnerve them, but visiting you?”

“I know.” You felt a sense of guilt nag at you, tightening your stomach. You grabbed the crystal class in your hands turning to face Evadne. She glanced at you, then at your glass, and frowned.

“Are you sure you’re okay for tonight?” you asked her, your gaze momentarily falling down to where she held her hands together.

She met your eyes with a flat look. "Of course I am,” she responded. “I always am.”

You wanted to press further, to ask what else her golden dress was concealing, what else he had done to her, but you held your tongue, storing away your anger for when it would be useful, for when it could be power.

There was a thickness in your throat that wouldn’t move. Instead of replying, you lifted your brows at her, pulling your cup to your lips. Evadne moved before you could blink, grabbing the cup from your hands.

“What the hell?” You asked with a pinched expression. She merely stared at you, head tilted, eyes narrowed.

“They need a leader tonight, not a drunk," she asserted, her gaze steady upon you.

You met her eyes with a tightening of your jaw, a subtle crease forming between your brows. "Fine," you muttered, begrudgingly.

Without hesitation, Evadne downed the cup’s contents before placing it back in your hands. "Pull yourself together," she said firmly, her voice leaving no room for argument. You kept her gaze for a moment, and then her eyes were softening, her lips curving upwards, corners of her mouth lifting in a tender yet somber expression.

“They are not worth you falling apart."

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

It was dark when you returned home, your cloak hanging heavily on your shoulders. Your limbs protested with every step, heavy and achy, beads of sweat along your brow. Tonight had given you a release, a time to channel all your energy into something useful. But even then, there were too many things to think about, too many new factors to take into account. It exhausted you— your mind had never been so active, so anxious. You let out a defeated sigh as you opened the door.

You paused in the doorway, your heart stiffening at the sight of him, all fatigue momentarily forgotten. You were too caught up in your thoughts, too distracted to notice the other presence in your home, the other scent that filled it.

Rhysand’s gaze fixed expectantly on you, sitting in a chair that faced the entrance of your home. There was an eerily calm sense to him, an unnerving comfort in his body language. If you didn’t know him, if you weren’t aware of your relationship, you could've mistaken him for a man in the comfort of his own home, sitting at his own table.

You looked at him for a moment, taking in his appearance— a picture of regal confidence, a relaxed posture that was still commanding, still poised. He was alone tonight, no figures hidden in darkness, no smooth slithering of shadows. Azriel wasn’t with him. There was a squeeze in your stomach.

"Do you ever knock?" you spat, your voice sharp with irritation as you closed the door behind you with a forceful thud.

He remained unphased by your display of frustration, watching as you moved across the room, settling to lean against the backside of your couch. You crossed your arms, glaring at him.

"I did," he replied, his voice smooth and unruffled. "You weren't home."

With a sharp exhale, you scoffed, the sound laced with annoyance. Every second spent facing him filled you with an itching irritation, an anger that seeped through your skin. Deep in the back of your mind, an aching appeared– a tiny part of you that longed for his company, that craved for some resolution. You shoved it away, breaking it apart into pieces.

"So what? You just let yourself in?"

"Yes," he replied, his tone nonchalant. "I didn't want to wait outside. It's dangerous. You should really find a new place to live."

The condensation in his tone flowed out smoothly, a habit that almost appeared like second nature. His casual demeanor only fueled your irritation, each word he spoke like a taunt– pompous, arrogant, asshole. You tightened your arms together.

"Did you have a reason for coming here, Rhysand?" you snarled, the words punctuated by a simmering rage. There was a clear disdain in your voice, pointed and sharp. "Or do you just find pleasure in being an arrogant prick?"

Rhysand's facade of confidence faltered for a moment, a flicker of vulnerability crossing his features before he composed himself once more. His shoulders sagged slightly, a movement so small you almost missed it. The air of authority around him diminished— as if he was transitioning from High Lord to something else, something smaller. He blinked, and then he let out a sigh.

"You're right. I'm so-" he began, but then stopped abruptly. You felt a prickling sensation crawl up your spine. There was a brief pause as Rhysand scanned you, his eyes falling from your head to your toes as he took in your appearance– sweat-dampened leathers, a cloak draped haphazardly over your shoulders. Your heart thudded anxiously in your chest. Rhys met your gaze once more, his brows furrowed now– in confusion, curiosity, or suspicion, you couldn’t tell. It unnerved you.

"Where were you?" he asked.

You felt a surge of defensiveness rise within you.

"I wasn't aware I needed to report my extracurricular activities to High Lords who break into homes," you shot back, the words dripping with sarcasm. You took a moment to break away from your outer layer, quickly throwing the cloth on the couch behind you.

Rhysand remained rooted in his seat, his posture stiffening before he eased back into the chair with a sigh. His movements were deliberate, calculated, betraying a sense of resignation beneath his surface. As he spoke, his hand gestured towards you.

"Is this really how it's going to be, Y/n?" he questioned, his voice laced with a hint of exasperation. "We don’t have to be uncivilized."

Your initial shock dissolved into a burst of incredulous laughter, your mouth falling open in disbelief. "You storm into my home uninvited– twice may I add," you emphasized, your voice rising slightly, "and then call me uncivil when I refuse to drop everything for you?"

Rhysand's tone shifted, his eyes narrowing. "Oh, please, Y/n," he said, "I didn't ask you to drop everything. I asked you to hear me out and you wouldn’t even do that."

His audacity cut into you like sharp knives. You almost winced at his tone; so condescending, so arrogant. It was hard to look at him, to attempt to find the boy that you used to know. Rhysand, your cousin Rhysand, would have hated the prick standing in front of you– would have despised his superiority complex. The thought made you sad— but only for a moment. It quickly faded.

"Has being a High Lord truly given you such a lack of class?" you challenged, your voice rising with indignation. You didn’t bother to hide your contempt, didn’t bother to collect yourself. "How dare you think I owe you anything, even the time of day?"

Rhysand met your gaze, violet eyes burning into yours. They were darker now than they were years ago, more fury in them. More broken.

"We are family, Y/n. I would think it's the least you owe me."

You recoiled at his words, a bitterness rising in your throat like bile. You’d spent so many of your days reminding yourself that your family didn’t care, spent so many nights wishing that they did. Here, sitting in front of you, was proof that the former was correct. You were only their 'family' when it was convenient for them— and you hadn't been convenient for centuries.

"There you go, using that word again like it should mean something.”

You were clenching your jaw so hard you could have sworn it was going to break, that a tooth would snap– that you would snap. Rhysand didn’t back down.

"It should," he insisted, his voice steady.

"It doesn't."

Your voice was cold and unyielding, to a point where Rhysand felt a wave of discomfort come over him. His jaw ticked and he let out a deep sigh, his chin falling slightly. There was a clear frustration in his body as he leaned forward, resting his elbow on the table and bringing a hand to his face. His fingers settled under his chin while the other hovered near his lips as he shook his head. A moment passed as you watched him, and then he turned to look at you again, his hand falling flat on the table.

"I don’t understand you, Y/n,” he said, “I just- I don’t understand.”

Because you’ve never made an effort to. The exhaustion on his face, the frustration that you could see– even smell, it made your stomach sink. The anger in your body felt like something else, like sadness, like grief. Maybe Evadne overestimated you, maybe you couldn’t handle being around your family. If being around Rhysand made you this emotional, you didn’t want to think about what it would be like to face all of them, to report to them.

"It shouldn't take you over 500 years to understand that people don't owe you anything," you stated, pushing yourself off the couch. You walked towards the front door of your home, reaching it as you spoke, "Get out of my home."

Rhysand's voice faltered, his expression softening with a touch of desperation. "Wait, Y/n, wait,” he said as he stood up.

There was a tinge of desperation in his voice, something you were sure he didn’t realize was showing. Maybe you recognized it because, once upon a time, you had known him– truly known him. Perhaps it was the lingering effects of that familial bond. Or, maybe, Rhysand was faltering in your presence because for the first time, he wasn’t being feared.

If Rhys was struggling to keep a calm facade, there was something deeply wrong going on — something with you, or something outside of this city. You thought back to his words from before, I'm dealing with a larger threat that has me on the defense. You furrowed your brows, eyes settling on him with a scrutinous gaze.

"Why do you need my help so bad?"

Rhysand hesitated for a moment before responding, his words measured. "I told you. There are rumors about an u—"

"An uprising. Yes, I remember," you interjected, cutting him off.

Rhysand's brows furrowed, his patience wearing thin as he searched your face for any hint of relenting. He found none. “Then why are you asking me?”

You met his gaze head-on. "Because there are always rumors here," you repeated, emphasizing each word with a pointed stare. "And every time, you, and now Feyre, swoop in to quash them with a well-timed visit, a show of power. So forgive me if I find it curious that this time, you're suddenly in need of my assistance."

A flicker of frustration crossed Rhysand's features, his jaw clenching briefly before he regained his composure. "Our methods may have been effective in the past," he conceded, "but this situation requires a more delicate touch."

There was no evidence of regret in his tone, no acknowledgement of the fear-mongering that he used with his people. You weren’t sure why you expected it, why you looked for it. Of course Rhysand wouldn’t show signs of guilt regarding his treatment of Hewn City. Why would he? He didn’t feel guilty, at all.

You raised an eyebrow skeptically. "And what exactly makes this situation so different?"

Rhysand's expression tightened at your insistence, his eyes darting away momentarily before meeting yours once more. "Nothing you have to concern yourself with," he hedged, his tone cautious.

There it was again, the sense of audacity he held, the superiority he wore like a cloak. There was something in his tone, in the way he spoke to you, that made you feel small, foolish. You hated it.

You narrowed your eyes, a sense of frustration bubbling within you. "If I'm going to stick my neck out for you, and potentially betray my people, I need to know why.”

Rhysand's discomfort flashed across his features. His lips parted, emitting a breathy laugh tinged with disbelief. "Your people," he repeated, a hint of mockery lacing his tone, as if the very idea amused him.

"Yes. My people.”

Rhysand's jaw tightened visibly. Finally, with a resigned sigh, he relented. "Koschei.”

You blinked.

Koschei, Koschei.

You recognized the name, memories of childhood tales flooding your mind. Koschei was a name thrown around, starring in stories whispered by mothers to keep their children in line, to warn them of the consequences of misbehaving. But you knew better– all adults did. Koschei wasn’t a real threat, he was somewhere far, somewhere unreachable.

However, the look on Rhysand's face told a different story—a story of genuine fear, of a threat far more tangible than mere folklore. The mighty High Lord of the Night Court was worried, on edge. It filled you with a sense of dread that momentarily wiped away any sadness, any anger. "Koschei?" you repeated, the name feeling heavy on your tongue

"He is taking steps to free himself," Rhysand said, "I'm working to ensure that doesn't happen."

You eyed him cautiously, scanning him for any sign of deceit. You found none. He took your silence as an invitation to keep talking, to explain further.

"That means I do not have time to sift around this city and find the origins of these rumors– to waste time discerning if they are legitimate.”

You paused for a moment, your mind racing now. Perhaps this was a stroke of luck. Koschei's looming threat could align perfectly with what you needed. You needed Rhysand distracted, needed him vulnerable enough for your father— needed your father to be vulnerable enough for you. Surely, Koschei wouldn’t be a lingering threat. Rhysand was right, it wasn’t something you needed to concern yourself with. Keep them busy, Evadne had said.

"Isn't this Azriel's specialty?" you asked, "The feared Spymaster?"

A tick in Rhysand’s jaw.

"Azriel's reach is limited," he explained. "These rumors may be quiet, but they are there."

He needed someone who wouldn’t call attention. Someone who knew how to work this city. Someone like you.

”Where is your guard dog, anyway?”

The words slipped out of your mouth before you had a chance to catch them. Rhysand stiffened at the question. He bit down the anger that formed in his throat.

”I thought it would be best to come alone.” He shifted on his feet. "In truth, my intentions were to come and offer an apology," he confessed, his voice carrying a weight you hadn't anticipated. Meeting his gaze, you found a flicker of vulnerability in the violet of his eyes, a softening in his features.

You weren’t sure if you should feel angry or touched. It certainly seemed like Rhysand expected the latter, his brows slightly furrowed, awaiting your response. But, instead, your reaction was disbelief, almost scoffing at his attempt at reconciliation. His intrusion into your home, his condescending demeanor, all of it burned into your skin. "Certainly didn't feel like one," you remarked, a bitterness lacing your words.

"I know,” he admitted, pushing his hands into his pockets. “I shouldn’t have approached the situation in the manner that I did. I apologize.”

His voice was genuine, filled with remorse— its presence was fainter that you would have hoped for, but it was there. Noticeable. While you appreciated the gesture, and your heart held onto the regret he showed, you said nothing in response, not wanting to give him the clear forgiveness he was hoping for.

“So, I’m coming to you again, properly. We need your help.” A pause. “I need your help.”

You sighed, running your tongue along your teeth. "Fine,” you relented, “What do I have to do?"

Rhysand visibly relaxed, a wave of relief washing over him. Then, he straightened his posture, dusting off his shoulders before he began walking towards you, towards the door. "Azriel will come to you. You both can work from there.”

The name made your stomach drop, and your eyes widened in response, brows furrowing.

"Azriel?"

Rhysand paused mid-stride, his gaze locking with yours. "Yes," he said, his eyebrows raising ever so slightly. "You said it yourself, this is his territory."

The crease between your brows deepened as you frowned.

"And you said he was unable to work with it. That's why you need me.”

Rhys narrowed his eyes, scanning over your face before letting out a small breath.

"We do need you,” he replied, “To work alongside Azriel."

Your stomach clenched further. To work alongside Azriel. Azriel, Azriel, Azriel.

“You didn’t say anything about working with Azriel.”

Rhysands eyebrows fell as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Will that be a problem?”

Anger simmered beneath your skin. Rhysand's insistence on involving Azriel was a direct affront to your capabilities, a direct showing of distrust. You knew, logically, that you weren’t allowed to be so angry– he shouldn’t trust you. But the reality of it, a clear reminder of how far you’d drifted, hurt in a way you couldn’t ignore.

“Yes,” you responded, your voice firm, “I don’t need someone watching over me.”

He let out a deep sigh, his face scrunching in with annoyance.

“That is not wha-”

“Oh, please,” you replied, “It’s definitely part of it. You don’t trust me.”

Rhysand didn’t reply, didn’t even acknowledge your words. Instead he simply shrugged. The nonchalance of his movement only added fuel to the fire, and you clenched your jaw to suppress the rising frustration.

"Azriel is our court’s Spymaster. He knows what needs to be done," he stated dismissively.

A surge of frustration rose within you. The room felt stifling, suffocating. You could keep them busy, could work with Rhysand distracted, with him worried about Koschei. But having Azriel around, a looming presence, someone overseeing you, would make things more complicated. And it was Azriel. Even the thought of it made you feel sick, nausea forming from the mix of emotions in your chest.

Silence enveloped the room like a heavy fog. You remained still– jaw clenched, eyes still on Rhysand as he walked past you, hand reaching for the door. He stopped, falling still in his place. Then, he looked at you. The expression on his face wasn’t one you were familiar with– it seemed like one he used to wear when you knew him, a softer version of himself. Kind.

"I'm sorry about Caladan.”

It hit you like a punch to the gut. You weren’t sure what hit you harder, the apology, laced with a deep sincerity you hadn’t expected, or Caladan’s name– on Rhys’ lips, of all people. You hadn’t heard his name in so long; Evadne was always so careful. It was a pain you thought you had grown accustomed to, buried beneath layers of duty and obligation. But it was resurfacing, rising with a raw intensity that left your chest tight.

For a fleeting moment, you felt the urge to lash out, to reject Rhysand’s words and the sympathy they carried. But beneath the anger and resentment, there was a small flicker of something else— of gratitude. With a heavy heart, you met Rhysand's gaze. You couldn't move, couldn't speak.

"I meant to give you my condolences when I first came." Rhysand’s voice was soft. “I know he was special to you. I should have reached out when I heard."

Green eyes. “This is good, Y/n,” he smiled at you, a dimpled, soft smile. “It’s all coming together.”

You blinked the image away. After a beat of silence, you nodded slowly. "Thank you," you murmured. The anger was still there, the bitterness towards Rhysand, towards your family. But you accepted his words, letting them ease some of the sizzling resentment.

Rhysand bowed his head in acknowledgment. With one final glance, he turned and left.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

a/n: guys i promise after this azzy will be in every chapter. now we begin the angsty forced proximity trope that i LOVEEE 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(i’m prewriting chapters rn so lemme know if there’s anything you’d love to see👀👀 always open to ideas)

taglist:

@kalulakunundrum @janebirkln @thelov3lybookworm @secretlyhers @nightcourt-daydreaming @sidthedollface2 @gorlillaglue25 @abysshaven @historygeekqueen @acourtofbatboydreams @justdreamstars @darling006 @inloveallthetime @dr4g0ngirl @makeagoodnamethen @kht1998 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @rhysandorian @llovelydove @minnieoo @cassianswh0reeee @anuttellaa @hnyclover @sfhsgrad-blog @carlandonorri-s @gingerblood @inesven @emptyporsche @itsswritten @tele86

#azriel #azriel fanfiction #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel fanfic #azriel fic #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel angst #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotarfandom #beneath the ashes of our broken oaths #baobo #about baobo

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kyoukamybeloved · 1 year ago

Text

quotes and lyrics that make me think of asheiji:

I was in pain putting this together

creds:

Herakles - Euripides// art by @ana--pudim// Seventy years of sleep - Nikka Ursula// art by @edamammy// writing prompts for the broken-hearted - Eden Robinson// the Great War - Taylor Swift// ivy - Taylor Swift// autumn - Patty Dickson Pieczka// art by @bigansa// good light - Andrea Gibson// Euripides - Anne Carson// art by @ana--pudim// peace - Taylor Swift// sweet nothing - Taylor Swift// the fear - Clementine Von Radics// art by @shira47a// king the colour of space/tower of molasses & marrow// art by @ginkohs// love letter from Zelda Fitzgerald// banana fish// Eurydice - Sarah Ruhl// banana fish

#hope you enjoy the angst #banana fish #asheiji #ash lynx #eiji okumura #izzie posts #banana fish manga #ash and eiji #web weaving #asheiji angst #banana fish ash #banana fish eiji #banana fish edit #banana fish anime #banana fish art

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nctsplug02 · 1 year ago

Note

Recently I been thinking about romantic sensual sex with Johnny but it lasts like the whole night. Different positions, cuddles, cream pies UGHHHHHHHH I WANT THIS MANNB 😭😭😩😩😩

How About Now? J.suh

GENRE: friends with benefits, fluff, smut, slight angst!

WARNINGS: body shaming, accusations, harassment, name-calling (sexually and abusively), crying, flirting, kissing, protected and unprotected sex, creampie, anal, doggy style, spooning, missionary, riding, backwards cowgirl, breast play, oral sex (both F and M receiving), and cum-eating!

it’s five in the morning, you leave for work in five hours.

you can’t sleep, especially with your close friends dick balls deep in your cunt.

tonight was not planned, johnny your FWB wasn’t supposed to be over, but he was so needy and impatient.

without asking, he sneaks over and climbs up the balcony, knocking on your door and watching as you sit up in a hurry.

“he did not!” johnny could hear your whisper on the other side as you climb out of bed and unlock the doors for him.

the man explains that he couldn’t wait until friday to see you which explains why you’re folded in half with your knees to your chest and with johnny pounding his cock in you.

“j—johnny, ‘s getting k—kinda hard to breathe.” you gasp out quietly. “just a little longer, baby. i’m almost there, alright?”

you shut your eyes and bite your lip, ignoring the tightening in your chest and focusing on his tip kissing your g-spot with passion and quickness.

a whimper slips from your throat and blends in with the creaks coming from the springs of your old bed.

you re-open your eyes and look up at johnnys when he slows his pace. “w—what, w—why?” johnny sits up a bit but barely moves an inch. “let’s keep it down, alright, baby?”

before you can protest about his hypocritical saying, he picks up his pace, again causing you to fall silent.

your nails dig into johnnys biceps as your orgasm sneaks closer. johnnys thrusts become sloppy— both from the condom and his climax reaching.

“‘m so close, baby.” johnny growls as he rests his forehead on yours. “cum with me, please?” johnny whines, “when you’re asking like that? no way am i passing on that, baby.”

within seconds, you reach your orgasm with johnny. johnny bites hard on his bottom lip and swears he tastes the slightest hint of blood.

“gah— fuck!” johnny tries to ignore the overwhelming feeling of your walls tightening around his dick. “fuck, fuck, fuck.” johnny sighs and uses the rest of his energy to push himself back so that he’s sitting in his heels.

you whine and sit up when feeling the sudden emptiness. “again, again, please?” johnny frowns and reaches forward, cupping your left cheek with his right hand and rubbing your cheekbone. “i’d love to, baby. but, i gotta get’cha cleaned up and then you have to go to sleep for work.”

you tut in annoyance when receiving an answer you didn’t want. “fine— but, i want you to hold me until i fall asleep then you can.. leave.”

“i can do that, baby. but, let’s get you cleaned up first, yeah?” you nod and sigh when feeling johnny pull his hand away.

“should we take a quick shower?” johnny asks, slipping off the bed and grabbing a towel nearby and wiping the sweat off his forehead. “i’m gonna sound disgusting but no, i just wanna be wiped down and then i wanna be in your arms.”

johnny laughs a little and reaches down, pulling off the condom and tying it securely before tossing it in the small trash by your desk.

johnny walks over to you with the same towel he’d used to wipe his sweat and cleans you up. “you’re so pretty, y/n.” johnny says as he wipes away your sweat and looks down at you.

your face heats up and you quickly bite back a smile.

“okay,” johnny throws the towel back onto the office chair and lays next to you. “c’mere, baby.” he says as he’s taking you in his arms.

“you have work in a few hours, go to bed, okay?” johnny says, kissing your temple and rubbing your arm. “i’ll be here when you wake up and get ready for work.”

you tsk and roll your eyes. “what? what was that about?” you shake your head and shrug. “c’mon, y/n. what is it, baby?”

you sigh and toss a leg over his lap. “we really can’t go another round?” you ignore johnnys question and concern.

but johnny doesn’t mind and instead lets out a giggle and shakes his head. “no, we can’t. you have work and i need you going in fully rested not.. with wobbly legs.”

you bite your lip and run your hand over his abs, slowly moving your down to his barely soft cock.

“oh,” you look up at johnny who lays with a grin on his face. “how about now?” johnny sits the two of you up and flips you on your stomach so your ass hangs in the air.

you gasp and jerk forward when feeling a sharp spank land on your right ass cheek. “you asked for it, baby.”

a giggle comes from you as you listen to johnny dig in your nightstand for another condom.

you wake up feeling overheated.

you groan and push off the thick blanket, rubbing your eyes and then sitting up.

in a rush, you grab the blanket and cover yourself, the cold air blows against your nipples causing your whole body to have chicken skin.

you look to your side and tap your phone, seeing it’s fully charged, you unplug the thing and check the time; 7:21AM.

you groan and look on the other side of you and when your eyes come into focus, you notice the empty bedside.

of course he didn’t stay, why would he? he’s just a fuck buddy, you’re sure he has other people to fuck rather than holding you to sleep.

oh, how pathetic you sounded last night when begging him to hold you to sleep and when begging for another round.

just how greedy could you get?

it was only supposed to be a one night stand but you and johnny kept running into each other— whether it was at parties, work places, café’s, etc— the two of you always suspiciously bumped into each other and ended in one another’s bed.

you shake away the thoughts and you climb out of bed, instantly wrapping your arms around your body and grabbing the white t-shirt that was hanging on the back of your office chair.

after slipping the shirt on, you grab a clean pantie from your underwear dresser and you slip that on as well.

you grab your phone off the bed and you while scratching your head, you walk towards your door and you let yourself out.

the house was silent.

you pass a room and a sudden, “thomas!” has you coming to a halt. you hear a giggle coming from one of your roommates room and then a soft moan.

ah, yes, your roommate of seven months and her boyfriend who doesn’t live in your house but does.

and yes, your house. you own a five bedroom house at the age of twenty-two, and how some may ask— your parents passed away in a car accident when you were in your junior year of college and left you with everything. you can’t pay for a five bedroom house on your own so you rent out rooms for people and it works fine.

you shake your head and sigh, moving your feet once again. as you head down to the kitchen, you grab all your hair and tie it into a high ponytail.

“oh, coffees already made?” you say to yourself with a head tilt. “great, saves me time.” you grin and grab a mug, pouring yourself a cup and sitting on the counter as you sip away.

you’re too zoned out to even hear the heavy footsteps coming into the kitchen. “oh shit, morning, y/n.” you look up at see your roommates boyfriend standing half naked with a smirk.

“oh,” you rest your mug on your thigh and clear your throat. “morning to you too, hwin.”

“mmm, coffee. can i have a cup?” you pick up your mug and shrug. “go for it, it was brewing here when i got down.”

hwin lets out a small laugh and grabs a mug, pouring himself a cup and then sitting across from you.

“so, you work today?” you make short eye contact with him and nod. “nice, maybe i’ll stop by for lunch with tera.” you take a quick look at him when feeling an uncomfortable stare and notice his eyes are staring directly at your breasts.

you work as a waitress at the restaurant in the city. you work ten long hours at a restaurant called, “sun and moon chefs.”

you look down at your breasts and notice your nipples are hard as pebbles and stabbing through your shirt. you clear your throat and use your arm to cover them.

hwin looks up and then clears his throat as well, he brings his mug to his lips and take a long chug. “so, y/n.. have you—?”

hwin is interrupted when his girlfriend— your roommate walks in the kitchen. “babe, are you—? oh, y/n.. hwin.. you two..?”

you hold up your mug and give her a warm smile. “would you like a cup?” her eye twitches and she licks her lips, she inhales sharply and then proceeds to nod with a smile. “s—sure, why not?”

“alright, i can make you a cup.” you set your mug down and you hop off the counter.

your hand goes for a mug but then an even larger hand grabs yours. “that’s alright, y/n. i’ll do it,” you look up to see hwin hovering over you with a smile, his eyes creased into moons. “i am the boyfriend after all.”

you yank your hand away while maintaining eye contact and then you nod. “yeah, sure. not a problem.”

you turn and grab your mug from the counter. “i’m gonna be in the living room.” you say quietly as you slip past tera who’s jaw is dropped and eye is twitching.

before you can unlock the top lock, the door swings open and you’re met with hwin and tera. “oh, hey y/n. you’re home early!”

you look at tera who’s smile seems to fade. “yeah,” you look back at hwin who smiles big. “they let me off early.”

it was only 7PM.

“that’s great! well, i’m heading home now. good to see you before i left and i hope you had a great night.” you look at tera again who looks to the side with her arms crossed and an annoyed look on her face.

“yeah, thanks, hope you had a great night as well.” tera grabs his arm and rests her cheek against his bicep. “oh, we did.” she says with a smirk. “didn’t we, babe?” hwin looks down at tera and nods.

“okay, well.. i gotta shower before it’s too late.” you skip past tera and hwin who bids you a goodnight.

you go upstairs and take a long shower, soaking in the hot water until there was none left.

KNOCK KNOCK!

you lift your head from your phone and look at the door. “y/n,” it’s tera. “can we talk?” you climb out of bed and open your door. “hi,” she presses her lips together and walks past you.

you look back to see tera climbing on your bed and making herself comfortable. “okay,” you mumble under your breath and shut your door.

“so, what did you want to talk about?” you ask and sit in front of her. “it’s about hwin.” you nod, “oh, sure, sure.”

“and you.” your eyebrow pinch together.

“oh, me?” you point yourself and tera nods.

she sighs and shakes her head. “i.. you know me, y/n. i can get insecure and.. protective.” you nod with a hum, telling her to continue.

“i really don’t know how to say this, y/n..” she shakes her head, again and rolls her eyes. “i’m sorry,” she looks at you and you see tears rolling down her cheeks.

“oh— oh, uhh,” you jump out of your bed and you grab the tissues sitting on your desk. “here.” you hand her the box and she thanks you, taking it and then blowing her nose into one.

when she recovers, she pulls out another tissue for just in case. “i’m sorry, i’m just so emotional. gah, this is embarrassing.”

you hesitate but put a hand on her shoulder. “it’s fine, tera. you can tell me whatever.”

she smiles and nods. “i want you to stop dressing so slutty.” your eyebrows raise in shock. “i’m sorry?” tera laughs and shakes her head. “no, i’m sorry. i mean provocative.”

“i.. what?!”

“it’s just.. before hwin and i began dating, he had this huge crush on you and when we were friends, he’d constantly talk about you. he’d talk about how good you look and how sweet you are and.. he would just never ever shut up. but, finally he.. he just turned around and asked me out. i just thought.. finally, a guy i like is giving me a chance.”

you stare back at her with slightly wide eyes and with your mouth hung ajar. you jerk when she begins wailing.

“i.. wow, i never knew that, tera. but, how do i dress provocatively?” tera wipes her tears and sighs. “earlier this morning when we had coffee, we left and went back to my room and he asked if he could.. fuck my tits. it was so random and when i asked why, he openly admitted that he was turned on by your breasts.”

“tera, i was in a t-shirt.” she grabs your arms and shakes her head. “y/n, you don’t get it. you weren’t wearing a bra. you were openly showing him your breasts.”

you yank your arms away and you stare at you. “tera, no. no, i was not. yeah, i admit to being bra-less but i’m in my own home, am i not allowed to wear what makes me comfortable?”

tera tightens her jaw and her eye twitches, her hold on your arm getting tighter. “how would you feel if i walked naked around the house while johnny was here?”

the mention of johnnys name has her heart dropping to your ass.

“why.. why specifically johnny?”

tera scoffs, “don’t fucking play stupid, y/n. i heard you guys earlier this morning— fucking like rabbits. i see the way you two look at each other whenever we’re out. don’t you think i hear you sneaking out and him sneaking in?”

you shake your head and lick your lips. “what? did i catch you in something that i wasn’t supposed to know about?” she taunts you with a head tilt. “is miss y/n and mister johnny suh in a secret relationship?”

“no,” you deny and shake your head. “me and johnny aren’t in a relationship.” she laughs a little. “so what are you two?”

“we’re just friends. that’s all.” she scoffs and pushes her hair back. “friends that sneak around and fuck behind everyone’s backs.”

“look, we were on the topic of hwin and.. me? this is my house and i will wear whatever makes me comfortable.” you walk over to your door and you yank it open. “if hwin can’t keep his hormones under control, it isn’t my fault. i’m not going to change the way i dress just because your boyfriend can’t keep his dick in his pants. and, if that is all then i’d like you to leave my room.”

tera takes a few seconds and stands, stomping out the room with huffs and her arms crossed.

you shut your door and run your hands down your face. your body jumps when hearing tera slam her door. you shake your head in annoyance and you climb back on your beg, grabbing the box of tissue and tossing it on your nightstand.

PING!

you grab your phone and see a message from johnny.

Monster Dick: be over in ten, baby.

the nickname has you smiling like a geek.

PING!

Monster Dick: just grabbing some snacks and i’ll be on my way. send me a list of the snacks you want and i’ll pick them up.

You: i don’t know

You: me and tera just got in an argument

Monster Dick: what happened, baby?

PING!

you look at the text notification and it’s from your roommate, Anna.

Anna Banana: hey, wat happened? i heard yelling? are u and tera ok?”

You: yeah, just miscommunication.

and that’s the last you hear from anna, so you go back to the conversation with johnny.

You: don’t think can link up tonight, the air is very uneasy right now ;(

Monster Dick: uhhh nope, i’m already on my way to your place. gonna be outside in two minutes.

You: WHAT

you wait a bit and then realize.

You: so no snacks?

Monster Dick: fine, send me your list.

Monster Dick: no list within a minute then no snacks.

You: THATS NOT ENOUGH TIME

Monster Dick: clocks ticking, baby ;)

You: YOURE A DICK

wind blows towards you as you yank open the front door. “this is new.. not really but it is.” you shrug and ask what. “coming in through the front door while your roommates are home.”

he walks in with the bag of snacks and slips off his shoes, reaching down to grab them until you stop him. “just leave them. it’s fine.”

johnny looks up at you with suspicious eyes. “what happened?” he asks with a hint of suspicion. “i’ll tell you once we’re in my room and eating the snacks.” you snatch the bag from him and dig your hand in the candy filled bag.

“mmm, i’ve been craving for sweets for so long.” you dig through the bag while walking up the stairs. “yeah, a thanks would be appreciated but y’know.. i know how greedy you are.”

you stop and glare back at him over your shoulder. “kidding, you’re so cute when you’re angry.” you turn back around and continue your way up the stairs with johnnys hands on your hips.

“you’re mean,” you pull out the pack of vanilla wafers and frown. “and thank you.” you mumble. “hm, what was that?” johnny teases as he pushes open your bedroom door. “i said thank you.” you say a bit louder for him to hear.

johnny giggles in success at getting you irritated. “and what for?” you huff and johnny shuts you door, locking it as well. “y’know what for,” you set the bag of candies in your bed. “for getting me all the candy i wanted.”

you turn with a wafer in your mouth, slowly munching it down. johnny licks his lips and smirks, leaning down and taking a bite on the other end.

you shove him and whine. “this one’s for me!” you shove the leftover into your mouth. “here,” you hold the wafer tray to him. “take your own.”

johnny giggles and shakes his head. he grabs one and holds it out for you. with your lips pressed together, you then open your mouth and take the wafer from johnny.

“hm, you’re cute.” this time you hold the wafer but johnny still manages to steal the other end from you but this time biting your finger.

“ooowww! my fwinger!” you yell muffle-ly and smack him as he backs away with his hands out and a muffled laugh.

“i’m sorry,” johnny says as he swallows the vanilla wafer. “here, let me give it a kissy.” you cringe and johnny notices. “don’t make that face!” johnny puckers his lips and you shake your head with a whine.

“my finger doesn’t need a kiss!” you argue.

“yes, it does!” johnny argues back and it goes back and forth until he’s tackling you on the bed while kissing your neck.

you giggle and push on johnnys chest but he doesn’t budge, he’s so much bigger than you.

“how ‘bout now, baby.” you shake your head and squeal and johnny nibbles on your sensitive spot. “uh-huh, and how about now?”

somehow, you manage to bite him which loosens him and allows you to flip him over so that you’re on top. “ah-ha.” you slam a palm on johnnys chest and he groans.

“alright.. you win.” johnny pants and chuckles that his chest rumbles. “c’mere, baby.” johnny yanks you on his chest with his arm and pins you down.

“you’re a jerk!” johnny spanks you and when you attempt to sit up, johnnys arm weighs you down. “i just wanna eat my snacks and my ice cream before it melts.”

johnny huffs and releases you. “thank you.” you reach and grab the controller on the end of your bed, as you sit back up on johnnys ribs, you fix your hair.

“what do you wanna watch?” you ask johnny as you wait for the TV to turn on. “mm, you pick.” you tut and find netflix. “just pick one, babe.” johnny giggles at the nickname and sighs. “i refuse, because if i do then you’re just gonna say no.”

“no, i won’t!” you go to the search button. “yes, you will. you always do.” you glare at him and he smiles. “fine, likes watch.. money heist—?”

“no, we’re watching Mulan.” you type in mulan and johnny scoffs. “i told you so.” you smack his chest and he groans, again. “stop doing that, ya’meanie!”

“whatever.” you hop off his ribs and sit against your headboard. “babe,” johnny lifts his head and looks at you. “come.” you pat to the open spot next to you.

johnny quickly sits up and crawls next to you. “did you—?” you shush johnny when the movie starts. “this is the best part, johnny.”

johnny side eyes you and reaches the ice cream in the bag. “ah, dang. forgot spoons, that’s what i forgot to text you to get before i got here.” he waits for a response but doesn’t get one, you’re too interested in the movie.

“yes, baby. i’ll get the spoons, yeah, you’re welcome.” johnny talks to himself and climbs past you. “woah!” johnny looks behind him and sees you still focused on the movie.

you’d attempted to shove him because he was in the way but failed.

johnny leaves downstairs to the kitchen and when he rounds the corner that goes to the kitchen, he sees tera.

she’s in a red silk robe with her breasts slightly showing and her orange hair is curled and pushed to the side.

“johnny,” johnny pauses and then stands up straight. “i knew i heard you somewhere around the house.”

“tera, hi.” johnny looks away from tera and looks for the drawer that holds the utensils.

“so, you here for y/n?” johnny looks up from one of the drawer and then looks at tera. “maybe, maybe not.” she snorts. “please, you aren’t here for me and you aren’t here for anna, she’s with thomas.”

johnny clears his throat and nods. “right. uh, yeah. we’re just watching a movie and.. gossiping.” excitement fills johnny when he finds the drawer with spoons.

“you mean netflix and chilling?” she scoffs. “maybe, maybe not.” tera sighs and looks at her nails. “just letting you know just in case you didn’t, hwin and y/n are seeing each other and.. it’s getting pretty serious.”

“i thought you’re with hwin, no?” tera turns pink and quickly brushed it off. “not anymore at least, not after he chose y/n over me. but with the two morning quickies they had today.. i’d say it’s serious.”

johnny looks at tera and tera smirks when feeling his eyes on her. “first in the kitchen and then.. oh, boy, in the shower.”

johnny slams the drawer shut and leaves the kitchen, going back upstairs and slamming your door shut when reaching your room.

“wha— what the fuck, johnny. i’m trying to watch mulan, c’mon, you’re gonna miss the best part!” you giggle and gesture johnny to come on the bed while your eyes are focused on the movie.

“yeah, uh,” johnny sets the spoons on your bed and rubs his nape. “i think i’m gonna head out?” you tear your eyes away from the TV. “right now? we’ve barely started the movie and we haven’t even ate all the snacks.”

johnny shrugs and rubs his temple. “yeah, i—i don’t know. i think it’s best if i go.”

“but we haven’t even talked about the argument tera and i had. c’mere, let’s talk about it.” you grab his hand and guide him on the bed. “sure.” he mumbles.

you go on a while rant about how tera was trying to get you to start wearing bras around the house and how hwin is a creep and can’t control his dick, all while being in johnnys arms.

“you gonna stay the night with me?” you ask in the now pitch black room.

the movie had finished and the snacks were halfway done.

“should i?” you snuggle your face more inside his chest and nod. “mhm,” you hum and inhale his scent. “i wanna wake up with you next to me, again.”

johnnys heart can’t help but ache at your adorable ramble.

“you smell good, y’know that, right?” johnny softly laughs. “mhm, it’s the cologne that you got me for christmas last year. i wear it everyday.”

you inhale and sigh. “it smells so good.”

“you smell good too, y/n.” you giggle. “thanks, it’s the strawberry shortcake perfume from bath&body works. you picked it out for me, remember?” johnny nods with soft hums.

after silence, you’re fighting your heavy eye lids. “y’know,” you hum, waking yourself back up. “i bumped into tera earlier.”

your eyebrows pinch. “when?”

“when i went to go get us spoons for the ice cream.” johnny grabs a small handful of your hair and begins twirling is between his fingers.

“what’d she say?” you mumble.

“i know it’s not true.. i think,” he adds and sighs. “but, she told me that you and hwin are.. seeing each other.” you laugh and smack johnnys back. “you’re stupid if you believe that. i’m already seeing you and you’re enough for me.”

johnnys heart warms up and he hugs you thigher. “you gonna do anything ‘bout it?”

“you bet your ass i’m gonna do something about it. i have a plan. and don’t worry, i won’t do anything that’ll make you kill someone.”

johnny sneers, “i would never. i wouldn’t even touch a fly.”

“liar!” you smack his back and he winces. “okay, sorry.” he whines and digs his chin into the top of your head. “just go to bed now, alright?” you nod.

johnny giggles when hearing snores come from you and then allows sleep to take over him.

johnny was actually there when you woke up, it’d been so long since you’ve found him sleeping next to you. the last time was last month when tera and anna were at their boyfriends places leaving the house to you and johnny.

“morning, ugly. do you want breakfast?” johnny sighs and pulls you into his bare chest. “yes, but can we order in instead?”

“who said we were cooking? of course we’re ordering in, too lazy to wash all the dishes after.” johnny chuckles and sighs, pulling a centimeter away from you.

“order in bed?” you groan and shake your head. “i’ve gotta get up, hate my morning breath. oh, and i still have your toothbrush.” johnny winces, “you didn’t throw that thing away?”

you place your hands on johnnys chest and push yourself away from him, sitting up and looking down at him. “c’mon, let’s go get ready for the day.”

johnny tuts and sits up with you, a fat pout sitting on his lips as he rubs his eyes.

“can we go to the mall today?” you ask once you and johnny are walking to the small bathroom connected to your room. “sure, is there an occasion? sale going on? need something from there? or just for fun?”

you grab your toothbrush, “just for fun.” you wet your toothbrush and johnny grabs his. “need to clear my mind by spending money.” you apply toothpaste on your bristles and then johnnys.

“iz it becah tera?” johnny looks at you through the mirror. “mwaybe,” you shrug and look back at him through the mirror.

you spit into the sink and continue brushing your teeth again. johnny follows seconds after and spits into the sink then continues brushing his teeth.

“can we just get food from the mall?” johnny asks after washing out his mouth and dries his face. “i guess,” you wipe your face clean. “delivery fees are expensive anyway.”

you exit and johnny follows like he’s lost.

“uhh, i think i have a few pair of clothes that’ll fit you.” you go to your closet and search for clothes that’ll fit johnny.

“mm, here,” you hold a plain black t-shirt behind you as you continue searching through the bucket with one hand. “urhh, i have these sweats? i don’t know if they’ll fit.” you stand and johnny holds the t-shirt and sweats with a confused and jealous face.

“what?” johnny looks down at the clothes in his hands and then back up at you with his top lip curled. “they’re my dads! i don’t fuck around like you, suh.”

johnny stays silent and you huff. “well, i’ll let you change in private.” you try and slip past johnny but he blocks your way. “it’s nothing you haven’t seen, y/n.” your cheeks heat up.

“and i don’t fuck around anymore.” you bite your lip, embarrassed for even saying that. “stopped messin’ around after our third hookup.” you tilt your head and sigh.

“just get changed, ‘kay?” you whisper.

johnnys eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips. “wanna help me?” he asks after kissing you. “i..” you clear your throat and step back. “sure.”

johnny throws the shirt and sweats at you. he grabs the ends of his shirt, pulls it up and over his head and lets it fall on the floor.

his nipples harden and he flexes, his abs deepening and biceps growing bigger. “ah, there we go.” you hold out the shirt and johnny takes it, finding the opening and slipping it on.

“did you.. need underwear?” johnny stops mid way when pulling down the shirt into place. “huh?” you giggle a little when his voice slightly cracks. “i mean, i still have your boxers that you gave me from when i came over to your place for the first time.”

johnny rubs his nape and awkwardly laughs. “yeeaah, sorry again, babe. didn’t mean to shred your underwear.” you laugh and shake your head. “it’s fine. but it will be missed, that went with this cute bra that i really liked.”

johnny shakes his head and pushes down the other black sweats he had on. “oh,” you gasp when his underwear is yanked down as well. “i just..” johnny tries to explain and groans. “the memory me.. shredding up your panties just.. came back to me anddddd.. yeah.”

you laugh and stare at his hard on.

“just..” you turn and shake your head while trying to control your laughter. “let me find the boxer, i think i put it.. hm, i don’t know.” you search through the box and mumble to yourself as you try to regain memory of where you last put it.

“if i can’t find it, you’re stuck with the ones you’re wearing now or my panties.” you say and laugh at the last line.

you gasp when being pushed forward, your hand falls forward and catches you from hitting the wall. “johnny—! what are you—!” you attempt to stand but your clothes hanging above you leave you seeing darkness.

johnnys bulge pressed against your clothed pussy, he pulls up your grey t-shirt and massages your ass. “johnny,” you whine as johnny rubs your pussy through your panties.

“just want a little taste, baby.” johnny grinds himself against you and drops himself onto his knees. “ay, johnny!” you yelp when feeling a harsh smack land on your ass.

you moan when feeling johnny kiss your ass cheek and then bite down on the flesh.

johnny slips his thumbs under the waistband of your panties and tugs the thin fabric down your thighs. “aww,” johnny groans at the sight of your dripping cunt. “my baby’s drippin’.” johnny chuckles teasingly.

you gasp and allow your knees to fall weak when feeling johnny lick your slit. “oh, so sweet.” johnny growls and dips his head for more.

you moan and push your ass back, wanting more than just johnny lapping up your juice. “ssshit,” you gasp shakily.

“oh, good god.” you cry out when feeling the tip of johnnys tongue licking your clit.

“stand up for me, baby.” johnny mumbles against your pussy and holds you up. “c—can’t, ‘m gonna cum, johnny.” you whine and grab johnnys hand that held you up.

johnny shakes his head and moans. his tongue enters you causing you to levitate onto your toes. the box barely holds you up, it shakes with your hand.

johnny grabs your thigh and digs his nails into them as they tremble from the overwhelming pleasure.

“john— i’m cumming, god, i’m gonna cum.” you squeal at your announcement.

your press your thighs together as your orgasm comes over you. your knees beg to go weak but johnny holds them stable as he still laps up your juice.

johnny pulls away and lets go of your legs causing you to fall in the box. instead of helping, johnny laughs at you and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“johnny,” you whine and attempt your push yourself out the box but your weak trembling arms do no justice. “help me, please.” you say with weak giggles.

johnny helps you up after minutes of laughing and pointing at you. “you’re a dick.” you kick him but he dodges it.

“hey!” johnny yells and covers his dick for safety.

you look at his cock to see him still hard. “did you want some help?” you can’t seem to tear your eyes from his hard on.

“if you’re offering, i’m so not passing on that.” your lips twitch into a grin as you lower yourself on your knees and crawl closer to his dick.

you grab him by his base and gulp, the precum leaking like crazy. you give kitten licks to tip, then you tilt his cock to the side and you lube up his cock.

johnny hisses and tosses his head back with his jaw clenched. you gulp, wetting your throat and then taking johnny in fully.

or at least you attempt to.

johnny’s a tad too big for you. it takes time for you to actually take him whole.

“look at me, baby.” johnny says while softly patting your head. you look up at johnny with your pouty lips wrapped around his cock.

“fuck,” johnny hisses when seeing how innocent and doe-full your eyes are. “so pure and innocent.” he mumbles and groans when feeling the tip of your tongue swirl around his head.

johnny exhales shakily and pushes your head so that your nose is inches away from his abdomen. you moan and scrunch your nose as you attempt to breathe without pulling away.

but you fail.

you pull away and gasp for air. “i’m sorry, i always forget that i’m too big for you.” your eyes filled with tears as you shake your head and wipe your drool covered mouth.

“it’s okay, i’ll get used to it.” you look up at him again and his face his swarmed with guilt. “i always do.” you give a reassuring smile.

you grab him by the base just like before and you gulp, preparing yourself for johnnys thickness and his length.

you press a kiss on his tip and you take him slowly. you stick your tongue out as you bob your head down his cock. your eyes squeeze shut and tears slip past your eyes when feeling his tip reach the back of your throat.

johnny gasps when feeling your throat tighten around him.

“just breathe through your nose, y/n. you can do this.” the voice in your head encourages you.

you bob your head and suck in your cheeks. you tilt your head side to side as you swallow johnny and take him down your throat.

johnny wipes the tears that slip down your cheeks and grins.

“you’re doing great, baby.” johnny whispers.

johnnys knees buckle when you finally reach his abdomen. his barely shaved pubes tickle your nose causing you to pull away.

“oh, fuck!” johnny groans and instantly your eyes fall shut when feeling johnny shoot ribbons on your face.

you stick your tongue out last minute and johnny slaps his dick on your tongue. “fuck, you did so good for me, y/n.” you giggle and suck on his tip one last time.

johnny grabs the old shirt he was just wearing moments ago and uses it to wipe your face clean. “so, breakfast?” he asks while tossing the shirt into your dirty basket.

“yes, who’s driving?” johnny helps you up and pulls up your panties. “me, of course. don’t want my passenger princess driving for me.” johnny leans down, grabs your hips and kisses you.

“okay,” you sing and walk past him and out your closet. “you aren’t even dressed, no?” you pause and walk backwards. “i forgot.” you shake your finger and your head.

“oh, and you’re stuck with your old underwear or my panties. take your pick.” johnnys tongue pokes his cheek as you look for clothes for yourself.

“drive safe, dummy.” you say to johnny through the open car window. “i will, dum-dumb.”

you turn and enter the house with the crazy amount of bags hanging on your arms.

“oh, sh, sh, she’s home.” you hear someone shush another person when you shut the door. you set the bags on the bottom of the stair steps and you go into the kitchen.

“oh, hey guys.” you see tera, anna, hwin and thomas all standing by and sitting on the counter. “well, if it isn’t the attention seeker and boyfriend stealer.” tera says and then giggles with anna.

you clench your jaw and open the fridge. “that’s really cute, tera.” you grab four cans of coca cola and turn. “is it? i’m just telling the truth, y/n.” tera is a lot closer to you, seems she’d walked closer.

“sure, tera, sure.” you turn from her and you leave upstairs with all your bags.

you shut your door and you set everything by your desk, including the drinks which sit on your desk.

“you gonna do anything ‘bout it?” johnnys voice from last night rings through your head.

“what am i gonna do about this?” you ask yourself and think for a minute.

you sit up and undress yourself, digging through your victoria secret bag and pulling out the newest set you’d just bought hours ago.

you change into the new set and you go downstairs. you tip your head into the kitchen to see them all still there, joking around and laughing.

you push your breasts up and you pull your panties so they’re clinging onto your hips. you ruffle your hair and you walk into the kitchen.

“..it’s because there are subs in the sea—? what the hell.” you don’t turn your head when hearing multiple gasps.

“mm, anyone else want some orange juice?” you stand from the fridge with a carton of orange juice in hand. “what are you wearing, you slut!” tera yells as you open the carton and chug the juice.

you screw the cap back on and you do a slow twirl. “me? oh, geez. this isn’t provocative enough, is it? should i wear a t-shirt without a bra on?”

hwin and thomas snicker but stop when being silently scolded by anna.

“put some clothes on! ugh, you’re acting like a whore, right now!” tera screams at you. “oh, does me being comfortable in my own home make you feel uncomfortable?” tera’s’ eyes twitch as she clenches her jaw and hands.

“do you know how insecure you’re making me right now?!” your eyebrows pinch together.

“you’re the worst roommate ever!” you frown and cross your arms. “that sucks for you! you’re free leave if me being comfortable in my own home bothers you.” you smile and it only makes her more irritated.

tera cries out loudly and runs out the kitchen with her hands over her face.

“woah, real jerk move, y/n. you know how insecure she is and you’re just making her more self conscious than she needs to be.” anna says walking up the you with thomas following behind, holding her waist as if she was going to lunge at you.

“you’re can leave too. i don’t need to hear thomas and tera having sex while you’re showering.” you look at anna and then gasp. “oops, that just slipped out.” you shrug and slowly, thomas slips his hands off anna’s waist.

anna turns to thomas and slaps him across the face. “you’ve been sleeping with my roommate behind my back?!” thomas shakes his head and stammers over his words.

“baby, i promise—?!” anna yanks his ear and pulls him outside while bitching at him.

“ah, peace and quiet. oh, hwin.. forgot about you. be a dear and go help your girlfriend pack her stuff.” you turn and as you’re about to leave, you see johnny walking inside with a bag of food.

he’s looking behind him as he enters the house. “geez, what happened to them.” johnny scoffs and then looks up to see you half naked.

“hi,” you smile and hold up your hand. “wow, what a pleasant surprise.” johnny smirks and walks up towards you.

johnny grabs your hips and squeeze your ass. “all for me, huh?” you bite your lip and nod with a head tilt. “always.”

johnny looks behind you and sees hwin coming out the kitchen. johnnys huge hand blocks the view of your ass as his stare sharpens.

“c’mon, let’s go upstairs.” johnny turns you around and then blocks the view of your chest while ushering you upstairs.

you giggle as johnny kicks your door shut and locks it. “jealous, are you?” johnny sets the bag of food on your desk and grabs your waist. “why wouldn’t i be? there’s something staring at what’s mine.”

“so, i’m yours all of a sudden?” johnny picks you up and carries you to the bed. “you’ve always been mine, baby.”

johnny spreads your legs and kisses you on your lips. your hand goes to johnnys cheek as you kiss him back, johnny lifts your knee to his waist and grinds his bulge against your pussy.

“you’re so hard, johnny.” you moan in between the kiss. “i’m always hard for you, y/n.” johnny pulls away and rubs your thighs.

johnny pushes your panties aside and teases your slit. “fuck, you’re so wet for me.” you moan as his fingers enter you slowly.

“let’s get you nice and stretched out for me.” johnny thrusts his fingers into your cunt and bites his bottom lip.

“c’mon, johnny.” you whine impatiently. “nuh-uh, the last time you made me skip foreplay, you were in pain because of the stretch.” you giggle and shake your head. “i was just eager and being greedy.”

johnny presses a kiss on your clit and continues to thrust his fingers inside of you.

a door being slammed causes you to sit up. “was that..?” you nod and meet eyes with johnny and suddenly the two of you burst into a fit of laughter.

“she seems pissed, what happened?” johnny removes his fingers from you and undressed himself. “ugh,” you scoff and sit up. “long story short, we argued and i told her to leave if my comfortability of me dressing up how ever i wanted to while being in my own home made her uncomfortable.”

“so, she left?” he jerks himself off and grabs your thighs, yanking you closer. “apparently,” you grab him by the nape and you yank his head down so that your noses are inches apart. “now, shut up and fuck me.”

johnny reaches for the nightstand and opens the dresser, he digs for a condom and finds two foil wrappers.

“enough for two rounds, baby.” johnny holds up the two foils between his fingers. “let’s use them wisely.” he winks with a smirk.

“ooorrr,” you sing. “we can go raw after we finish using these two.” you snatch the foils and mock his smirk.

“fffuck, baby!” johnny growls and climbs over you. “i’m so hard right now and that just made me even harder.” you giggle and tear one of the foils open.

johnny captures your lips and cups your face while you slide the condom on his hard cock. you press a hand on johnnys chest when he grabs your thighs, positioning you for missionary.

“let’s do our second go to position.” johnny nods and flips you so that you’re on your stomach. “your ass looks so good, babe.” you moan and wince when johnny lands a spank on your ass.

johnny yanks your hips up and kneads your ass, massaging the red handprint on your ass cheek. “‘m sorry, was i too rough?” you shake your head with your bottom lip caught between your teeth.

“you’re so perfect.” johnny whispers and pulls your panties to the side. “so fucking perfect.” strings of your wetness pulls with your panties causing johnny to fall weak.

you fall to your chest and on your cheek when johnny pushes into you. your body tightens and strains when getting used to johnnys length and thickness.

“relax, baby.” you shake your head and bite back moans that threatened to spill. “c—can’t, you’re too big.” a thrust has your moans spilling from you like crazy. “oh, geez, babe. i didn’t know i felt that good.”

you stretch forward and push your hips back. “you always feel good.. always.” you sigh and relax.

“slow first, please.” johnny smooths his hand down your back and hums. “i know, baby. just let me know when you wanna change the speed.” you nod while softly humming to yourself.

johnny starts off slow, his hips rocking at a stable pace wile grunting and groaning and listening to your cute whimpers and moans.

johnnys hands massage your waist and hips while whispering to you about how you’re an amazing person and how you’re doing great for him.

you bounce your hips back to match johnnys little thrusts. johnny smiles at your hips fighting back and the sight of your ass bouncing back.

it takes you a few minutes to notice that johnny had stopped his thrusts and left you alone to do the work.

“nuh-uh,” johnny pulls your hips when you stop. “keep it goin’, baby. i’m so close.” you bite your lip, the thought of johnny cumming so easily to slow vanilla sex got you off.

“i love when you cum so easily.. especially during vanilla sex.” johnny yanks on your hair. “hm, you do?” you nod and shake your hips side to side.

johnny keeps a firm grip on your hair as you bounce your hips back. johnnys thrusts grew sloppy and his grip on your hair grew tighter, his breath was slipping.

a thought comes to johnnys mind and he smirks. he licks his thumb and rims your ass. “john!” you gasp, jerking in a shock response.

you and johnny have only done anal several times and the feeling always caught you off guard.

“it’s okay, baby.“ johnnys jaw drops at the tightness around his cock and around the tip of his thumb.

you struggle to move your hips, mind focusing on johnnys thumb up your ass. johnny frees your scalp and grabs your hips, yanking them towards him and moaning out loud as he cums into the rubber.

“geez,” johnny removed his finger. “my dick is so easily manipulated.” you laugh while johnny removes and ties the used rubber.

“c’mere, let’s do the position that we always do when we’re lazy.” you tug him next to you and you lay down, not listening to his laughing, “what?”

johnny watches as you lay on your side and push out your ass. “babe,” you look back and hum. “can i fuck your ass?”

you bite your tongue. “m—my ass?” you sit up and see johnny with a worried and hopeful face. “sure, we can try it again. but, promise me you’ll stop when i tell you to.”

“baby, i’ll obey to anything you say. you wanna spend all my money, go right ahead.” johnny chuckles.

“let me peg you.”

“that, i will not obey to.” you and him laugh.

you bite your lip, “the lube is in my bathroom. under the sink, behind the conditioner bottle.” johnny hops off the bed and runs to the bathroom, quickly coming back with the bottle of lube in hand.

“are your nervous?” you ask johnny while ripping open the foil. “nervous?” you nod and sink with the bed as johnny climbs on.

“sex without a condom.” you remind him. “right, i mean, we can always wait until we get more.” johnny reminds you.

you slide the condom on johnny and look up at him. “are you clean?” he nods, “healthy as a horse.” he smiles brightly.

johnny gives the bottle a slight shake and pops the cap, tilting it and rubbing some lube on his cock. “are you clean?” you nod, “very.”

“i’m on birth control but, i still want you to pull out.” johnny nods firmly. “i’ll pull out, baby.”

you and johnny lay on your sides and with the lubed condom, johnny slides into you. slowly working his way into you.

your hand on his hips, slowly guiding him in. “you’re so tight, baby.” johnny hisses, his cock twitching in your back entrance.

“put some more lube, it’s.. kind of hurting.” johnny complies and adds more lube to your ass and his cock.

“it just the stretch, baby. i’m sorry.” he presses a kiss on your shoulder and rubs your hips.

johnny does shallow thrusts, your ass tightening around his tip. johnny is more vocal with this hole and with this position, he moans and groans more loudly.

“i’m okay now,” johnny hums in questioning. “you can move faster.” excitement shoots through johnny once again.

johnny runs his hands up to your breasts and tweaks your nipples. johnny lifts your leg as he slowly pounds into you, too scared to go faster.

“fuck, you’re so tight, baby.” johnny moans and reaches below your hips. johnny rubs your clit and cries out at the tightening of your ass.

without warning, johnny realizes his load into the condom.

johnny pants and groans while he realizes his second load of the night. “fuck me,” johnny sighs. “that was good.” he huffs and puffs while slowly pulling out of you.

johnny only recovers for a minute before you’re up and pouncing on him. “giddy up, tiger. i wanna ride you.” you sit up on your knees and you hold up johnnys cock, pinching the tip of the rubber and pulling it off.

you toss the untied rubber and then you sink yourself on the barely harden thing.

“oh, shit.” johnny sighs and your nails dig into johnnys chest. “wow, this feels so amazing.” you shut your eyes and exhale slowly.

you throw the rubber on your nightstand and begin to ride johnny who holds your hips and guides you to ride him.

“you feel so much better without a condom.” johnny laughs.

the only time you and johnny went raw was when you both were drunk and when it was just the tip. even when drunk, johnny was careful enough to pull out just in time, pulling out and cumming down your back.

“why does your cock feel so much bigger without a condom?”

johnny chuckles, “i got so much harder when you climbed on me and ripped off the condom like it was nothing.”

you bounce your hips down and johnny picks them up, letting you drop yourself at whatever pace, whether it was slow or fast.

you pull your hands away from johnnys chest and you run your hands up your body. you moan when johnny grabs your breast and circles your nipple with the pad of his thumb.

you shove his hand away from you and you slide your hands from his abs to his neck. “you feel so good, babe.” you sigh and rocks your hips.

alternatively fastening your pace when johnny spanks you several times.

you grumble when johnnys cock slips out of you when you accidentally lift your hips a bit too high.

johnny picks up his cock and allows you to sink yourself down. “yes,” you whine and reposition your legs for better comfort.

“fuck me, y/n. fuck me.” johnny grits and helps you bounce on his cock.

“you feel too good— i’m gonna cum.” johnny groans and squeezes your hips with a face of discomfort. “shit, i’m cumming!”

you hop off johnnys dick and you grab him by the base, jerking him and sticking out your tongue while his dick twitches as he nears.

your eyes pinch shut when feeling johnny shoot his cum on your face. your face is painted in white ribbons.

you wipe your face with your fingers and lick them clean with giggles while being stared down by johnny. “fuck, you’re so sexy.” johnny groans and chuckles.

johnny only shuts his eyes for a minute before you’re climbing on him once again. “again?” johnny half whines.

“one more round, baby.” you say looking back at him while positioning yourself. “okay, before you.. get started— lemme sit up, i’m gettin’ kind of lightheaded.”

you throw yourself to the side and allow johnny to sit up against your headboard.

johnny picks you up and sits you on his lap. his face met with your ass and sadly, your face is met with his feet.

“let’s get you a pedi tomorrow.” you suggest and johnny agrees with no questions.

“aw shit,” johnny smirks as he realizes the position. “seems i’ve gotta cowgirl in bed. it’s about’ta get wild in here.”

you giggle and johnny holds up his cock for you, grabbing your ass and lowering you on the thing.

you roll your hips and moan as johnnys cock hits you differently. you gasp and johnny pushes you foward.

johnnys hands play with your ass while he drags your ass back.

johnny grunts and groans in pleasure while watching how beautifully your cunt swallows up his dick.

your moans turn lazy as johnny manipulates your hips to move with however he wanted them to. johnny runs a hand down your arch and then spanks you with a growl.

“i’m cumming, johnny.. my pussy..” you laugh and shake your head.

johnny rubs your clit and within minutes, you’re moaning and creaming all over his dick.

johnny soon follows with his dick snuggled between your ass and his tip spurting out white substances on your cheeks and back.

your body slips forward and your body goes flat. “my pretty baby.” johnny giggles.

you gasp and your feet fly up when feeling johnny suck on you ass cheeks. his cheeks hallowed as he suck blood to the surface of your skin. his tongue laps up the white substances.

johnny falls next to you and softly laughs.

“johnny?” the man hums and throws his hands above his head. “can we shower?” he chuckles and turns on his side, collecting you and kissing your jaw. “we can shower.” he confirms.

“carry me?” johnny clicks his tongue and whines a bit. “carry youuu?” he extends.

you smack his chest. “i’m tireddd.” you pout your lips and rub the spot on his chest where you smacked moments ago.

“you can walk, can’t you?”

you scoot back and then kick him off the bed. “oh look, you’re up! how about now?” johnny laughs while on the ground. “you’re such a pain in the ass, you know that?”

you sit up and reach your arms out while johnny stumbles back on his feet. “c’monnnn, lets go shower!” you squeal when johnny grabs you by the waist and throws you over his shoulder.

“we’re going for another round in the shower, i hope you know that.” johnny says while carrying you to the bathroom.

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