#April Fools Fanfiction

[secret-fiction]

Sonic Boom: Those Who're Made Fools

As April Fools day is upon them, Sonic the Hedgehog and his friends must content with a series of pranks that go a little farther than they would like.

Below is a oneshot Sonic Boom Fanfiction that I started and finished today, April fools day 2024. I have not time to edit because my scope for this got out of hand, so I'll share it now as to release it within Apr 1st my time. I'll release an edited version later this week. _________________________

While Sonic the Hedgehog would usually be sleeping in, the cool breeze blowing through his hut and swaying the hammock he lay on beckoned him awake. He declined this request to wake up at a normal time and curled up further. However his body began to shiver and his mind was dragged into enough consciousness to realize that the cool breeze was actually a freezing wind. His eyes shot open, seeing a light flurry of snowflakes blowing over him, already building up drifts in his beachside hut.

“What the f-, flakes? Snow??” said Sonic as he wobbled while standing up.

The warm light of sunrise was peering through his windows and the island outside looked as tropical as it should. The culprit, Sonic deduced, was likely the large yellow painted machine that looked like a window air-conditioner if it were on an industrial scale. 

A letter lifted off of the pile of mail he kept strewn on the ground and into his face. It was the invitation to Amy’s birthday event this evening. Thus, it was also April Fools day.

“Either Tails actually got his sleep schedule in check just to get me first, or I need to have a chat with him about staying up all night again,” said Sonic aloud, ears turning to listen for any unseen listener. 

The wind then picked up, and the snow flurries began to sting as they struck him. In fact it was more of a semi-frozen rain now. Everything in Sonic’s hut was quickly being coated with bits of water and ice which then turned into a slick layer over everything. He grumbled and shivered, then dashed to his door to find the off switch. The machine however blocked the entire doorway, and there were no controls on the side facing Sonic.

“Aw what the heck?!” Sonic tried to push the machine out of his door but found his feet slipping on the frozen and wet floor. “TAILS! I don’t wanna break your new toy here, but I will!”

Sonic heard no response aside from the torrent of wind and freezing rain, which grew strong enough to send him slipping onto his face and sliding away to the far wall. He grumbled, stood up, and placed his feet on the wall. With one strong kick he spin-dashed into the machine, sending pieces of it flying as it fell out of his doorframe. 

“Brrr, jeez,” said Sonic as he stood up and looked around, seeing no sign of Tails, “don’t tell me he already ran off to prepare another prank. This one was already a bit much… Guess I’ll have to teach him a lesson on restraint…”

With resolve filling his eyes, Sonic the Hedgehog took off running across the beach in a blur. The machine was left behind on his front porch, a problem for later perhaps.

A potential problem for Sonic immediately descended from a hidden perch in the trees of the jungle to the machine. They fluttered with insectoid wings and had a green colour to match the jungle canopy. They landed atop Tails’ machine, and yanked a kunai dagger out of the machine's control panel before returning heading for their next target.

____________

The drone of power tools echoed throughout Tails’ workshop as usual while he assembled a new gadget. Progress was going good by his insane standards of pacing, so he took a step back to look over the device. Lifting the goggles off of his eyes, which bore a giddiness bright enough to almost hide his dark eyebags. This projector he was modifying would surely be perfect for setting the mood at Amy’s event this evening. All he needed to do now was program a remote for ease of use, something he was learning other cared about when using technology, and then-

A swinging sound from his mail chute on the door pulled Tails’ attention away. Could it be Sonic’s counter attack already? He chuckled to himself, picturing Sonic popping out of a pile of harmless snow with a dumbfounded look on his face. Upon approach however he saw that it was clearly from Amy. It bore fancy calligraphy for the address and her custom rose wax seal which was slightly cracked, likely from its journey. 

“Oh, she must be excited,” muttered Tails to himself before biting the letter to open it with his teeth. 

Tails immediately regretted his lazy choice of letter opening when a pink cloud of a gas blasted from the letter and filled the workshop, and his mouth. The taste of floral air freshener made him gag and spit. Then the overwhelming smell filled his nose. It should smell pleasant, but the flower scent was so overwhelming and suffocating that Tails had to cover his snout. He then scrambled for the nearest window. 

“What The FLYING FFff-!” Tails gritted his teeth and compressed his fit into a soft growl. 

One by one Tails swung each window open. Then he opened the garage door of the hangar portion of the workshop. That didn’t dilute the air freshener smell fast enough so he turned on every industrial fan he could. Soon he resorted to his emergency eye and face wash station, shoving a pile of boxes that surrounded it out of the way. The torrent of water on his face face made his eyes stop stinging so bad and got most of the taste out of his mouth. But his nose was still completely overwhelmed. 

“I can’t work like this!! Why should I work like this?!” said Tails as he shook the water off of his head. 

The ring of his doorbell drew Tails’ irritated red eyes to the door. Opening it revealed a fast food bag of which he couldn’t smell at all sitting on his welcomemat. This was definitely another prank, and the fact that he was hungry now that he thought about him annoyed him more. So he leaned forward and kicked the bag away before turning to slam his door shut.

“Hey woah!” said Sonic, jumped down from atop the workshop roof, “what’s up? Not hungry?”

Tails glared at Sonic, and glanced at the bucket of ice and snow in Sonic grasp.

“Okay to be fair you really-” Sonic coughed and waved a hand in front of his muzzle, “wow bud isn’t that a bit much air freshener? It’s kinda distracting.” 

“Yes! And I guess Amy thinks that’s funny, since evidently you had a much more lazy prank in mind,” said Tails.

“Amy?” said Sonic, “She usually doesn’t take time for anything more elaborate than what you can buy at the joke store.”

“Yeah, except when she asks for help with her party tonight.” Tails walked to his work table and plugged his nose with tissue paper before pushing the projector project aside. “Let’s see how she likes my help now, heheheh…”

“Tails you’re getting a bit maniacal,” said Sonic, “seriously, don’t go overboard again. It just smells a bit too nice in here.”

“You don’t mess with someone's sense of smell and get off easy,” said Tails.

“Okay, well, can I ask your opinion on something first?” said Sonic

Tails turned to face Sonic, only to get a bit of half melted snow in his face. 

“I’ll ask for your help fixing my house later!” said Sonic before dropping the bucket and dashing away.

Tails grumbled, wiped the snow off his face, then grabbed any errant material he had lying around to build his revenge on Amy. After a moment or two he started thinking about what Sonic had said.

“...Fix his house? What?” 

In his state of sensory overload and anger, Tails failed to notice a figure move from the jungle canopy outside a nearby window. It stood tall, then began leaping between trees toward the village.

____________

The hum of Amy Rose’s voice trailed through her house as she happily prepared for the rest of the day. Her daily twenty-four step quill-styling routine was now ready, she was dressed, and every surface of the room was covered in decorations and snacks to be assorted. Sure she always had a bit of anxiety about the fact her birthday falls on the first of April, the day of fools fooling other fools. But that worry was now barely present after living the last couple years dealing with attacks from Dr. Eggman at any random time. 

Working out a block of time in her schedule to deal with an inevitable attack or crisis meant Amy had all the time she needed to still have a fun birthday. She smiled to herself while looking over a stack of colourful papers she had printed, it was hard to suppress her enthusiasm at having her friends over tonight. Truly the real power of one's birthday was the leverage it put everyone else to try your favorite forms of entertainment.

“Alright, let’s get this next part right,” said Amy to herself as she organized the papers, character sheets. “This is my one chance this year to convince the other that this’ll be fun. And this time I’m right.”

Amy’s smile faltered slightly as she remembered her failure to convince Sonic and the others that playing out her favorite musicals was fun. Really she should’ve known that’d be too much. This time though, a simple role playing game, she can get them to agree to do this more often.

A knock on her door made Amy jump and gasp with a smile. She waved her hands a bit to lower her giddiness, taking a deep breath. Then she skipped over to the door.

Greeting her outside was a basket with a bow on it, sitting just past her welcomemat. Amy’s heart skipped a beat, but she quickly recognized Knuckles’ handwriting. “Hope you like these colourful rocks!” It wasn’t a romantic gesture from Sonic, but still nice. With a sigh and a soft smile she stepped forward to see what varieties of polished stones Knuckles had-

Her boot fell through her welcomemat, and Amy stumbled into the hole the had been hidden just under it. It was a short fall, but she landed on her face and splattered some liquid all over herself. It took a few seconds of sitting still to process what just happened.

“What the F-Ow…” said Amy, as she stood up, eyes stinging from the oily fluid coating her. “What is this stuff?”

The smell, and once her vision cleared, the black colouration showed Amy that this was actually just oil. Used oil, most likely motor oil, from a motor, filled with gunk, that was now in her quills… and her whole dress.

“Are, You, SERIOUS?!” shouted Amy, “isn’t this a bit much!?” 

Amy sighed, but tried not to let this ruin her mood. It was meant as harmless fun, even if it was ruining her morning. It wasn't usual for Knuckles to be that deceptive though, even though signs pointed to him being involved with how good he is at digging. Perhaps Tails put him up to this, considering the use of engine oil. But why would he? This is usually a thing between him and Sonic.

After a moment to glower, Amy decided to climb out of the small hole. The dirty motor oil made this tricky however, as she fell back in several times. By the time she heard the swishing of Tails’ tails mid flight, and a nefarious chuckle, she had worked through her patience.

“TAILS! Get down here this instant!!” 

Amy heard a gasp, then the patter of footsteps. Tails leaned over the hole and looked at her with a strange squint. She in turn gave him the most stern look she could.

“This is really obnoxious, especially for you!” said Amy.

“Yeah, like you don’t know a thing about obnoxious pranks,” said Tails, glancing away from Amy’s eye contact.

“There’s Motor Oil In My Quills Tails!!” said Amy.

Tails leaned out of Amy’s sight, she heard him put something down on her deck, before he leaned back over the hole. “Who put a hole full over motor oil here anyway?”

“...It wasn’t you?” 

“No! This is lazy, and just mean!” said Tails as she gestured energetically, “I’d at least be way more creative for something this mean! Or just less mean if I don’t have time to be creative.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult your… prowess with pranking methods,” said Amy, “Please get me out of here.”

“Oh yeah, sure.”

With ease, Tails lifted Amy out of the hole and dropped her on the deck before landing himself. She pretended not to notice him immediately kicking a really haphazardly thrown together looking device out of sight. 

“Uh, Amy,” said Tails as he rubbed the back of his head, not noticing the oil stain he was leaving there from his glove, “do you happen to know anything about the perfume filling my workshop.”

“What? What happened?” said Amy.

Tails made eye contact with Amy, a look of anger quickly fading to regret. “I-I’m sorry, someone else must’ve put that perfume bomb in my mailbox then.”

“...Probably Eggman, right?”

“He… He’s not good at all at being that sneaky though…” Tails squinted as he looked at the hole, “And this does look like it was dug by claws, natural or those glove things people can get. And I guess Knuckles can be sneaky sometimes?”

“Okay but how would he do this without your help?” said Amy.

“...I dunno, could’ve gone to a mechanic,” said Tails, “But this is something he’d try to do to Sonic for April fools, not you.”

Just overhead, as Amy & Tails started talking about their problems, a sneaky individual leapt and flew away from the top of a palm tree. 

_________________

It was much easier for Knuckles to find specific rocks when they were in the ground. The polished stones he’d put in a gift basket for Amy evaded him in a way most minerals couldn’t. He’d been forced into retracing his steps to the best of his ability, now out on the jungle trails just outside of the Village. However all he could find was litter and Sticks’ traps.

“Oh come one gift basket, where’d you go?!” said Knuckles aloud, “I need you to be a good friend to Amy!”

The gift basket didn’t answer, only the rustling leaves did. Of course Knuckles could quickly gather some neat looking plants, but it wouldn’t have the same meaning to it. He slapped himself on the head trying to remember where he could’ve left the basket. After the week he spent picking out the perfect colourful stones it sickened him to just lose that gift. 

Searching the edges of the trail closely, Knuckles came across a tree with a nook inside it. The colours inside excited him for a moment, until he realized that it was only foraged fruit and not his basket of rocks. His stomach grumbled now, and the smell and look of the berries there enticed him. Then when he noticed a doodle carved in the bark next to the nook in the tree, depicting a simple Sticks the Badger giving a thumbs up, he smiled.

“Oh! Awesome! I really gotta thank Sticks for these snack stocks she leaves out.” said Knuckles

As Knuckles stepped close enough to reach into the nook of this tree, something snagged on his leg. He instinctively kicked, and felt something wrap tight around his leg and pull him upward. He gave a yell as the complex and well hidden snare trap hung him upside down from the top of the tree, several feet out of reach of the collection of berries. 

“Ah dang! I set off one of Sticks’ traps again…” said Knuckles as he folded his arms. “Wait, why was there a trap there, when there was a friendly and welcoming sign?! That’s like, the opposite of making sense!”

Knuckles grumbled to himself. If it took Sticks too long to find him then he’d have less time to find his gift basket. Then even less time to beat Sonic & Tails in the April Fools prank war.

“Wait, I think I know what’s going on…. Sticks is trying to make me an April Fool!” said Knuckles, slapping his face in shock. “Oh man I’ve never had to deal with a prank battle involving her before.”

“Knuckles! What’re you doing up there!” shouted the voice of Amy Rose.

“Amy?!” Knuckles looked down to see Amy with several paper towels in her hands and a bag over her shoulder. “Thank goodness you’re here! Sticks got me in a prank-snare thing! Who knows what she’ll do next!”

Amy’s eyes widened, then squinted. “Knuckles, Stick doesn’t do April Fools day!”

“Oh wait, really?”

“No, she stays in her burrow all day, remember?” 

Knuckles thought about that. He did begin to recall Sticks’ distaste for the idea of April Fools day the first time it was ‘explained’ to her. That was one crappy day, Sonic only barely survived. 

“Oh yeah!” Knuckles leaned up and grabbed the robe tied to his legs, then ripped it apart with his raw strength. He landed on his feet next to Amy and sighed in relief. “I was worried I’d have to stay up there all day. Good thing this rope doesn’t actually belong to Sticks.”

“Hey, I had a question for you,” said Amy.

“Oh yeah, I was gonna ask you about the oily smell but I can wait,” said Knuckles.

“...Yeah you didn’t dig that pit in front of my house then.”

“A pit?” 

“Yeah, sorry, I thought you tried and succeeded to prank me.”

“Oh wow! If I were you I’dve like, punched me in the snoz,” said Knuckles as he looked over just how messed up Amy’s quills were, “man, I’m glad you’re  so reasonable Amy, it’s nice knowing you have faith in the rest of us.”

“Heheh, yeah,” said Amy, tucking the bag over her shoulder behind herself. The spice-laden cupcakes inside will have to wait before burning someone's mouth up.

Seeing where Amy and Knuckles’ conversation was going, the hidden figure in the canopy fluttered away. Only one more member left to find. 

_____________

No amount of fresh air from outside could alleviate the tension in Sticks the Badger’s nerves. She’d just managed to will herself out the door of her burrow, knowing that the number of traps and practical alarms she’d placed around would warn of any intrusion. None of the others were going to mess with her this year, she knew that, they assured her and she trusted them. She desperately wanted to just trust them. 

“C’mon, you promised Amy you’d go to her party…” Sticks muttered, glaring down at her boots. 

The sound of a bell jingle made her ear twitch and her body stand even more tense than before. She glanced over, seeing no sign of anyone there. That upset her more than anything she could’ve seen prowling toward her burrow. Her teeth clenched together hard enough to become sore again.

Sticks looked in the direction of the other makeshift alarms, and more broadly the edges of the jungle near her burrow. To her relief and wraith, someone was here and it wasn’t only her. That camouflaged figure staying perfectly still in the trees evidently didn’t realize to what extent Sticks had memorized the area around her living space.

Being sure to not look to close in the direction of the figure, Sticks started walking into the jungle. The peripheral view she had gave her enough information about the size and shape of this stalking figure that she was confident about what to listen for. After only a few steps she heard the sound of it sticking to a new tree, a light thud very subtle but distinct from the tropical woodpeckers. 

“Heh, see, It’s not any of your friends,” Sticks muttered, trying then to steady her breath.

Based on the pace of when the figure hopped between trees, Stick knew exactly which snare to pass under. With a hand on her boomerang she listened as she walked. In short order, the figure fell into the trap as Sticks heard the snare suddenly tighten above her. She turned on her heel and threw the boomerang, letting herself snarl just a bit. 

The sight of a scarf and large insectoid wings is all Sticks could see of the figure through a cloud of blue glitter as they were pulled away into the air. Sticks heard a snap from her rope, and saw the figure dodge the boomerang and duck behind a tree. Then the boomerang came back and knocked the figure down, triggering a chain reaction among Sticks’ traps.

Nets and leaves went flying throughout the air as several trees sprung loose from the ropes of the traps. Sticks dived behind a safe tree and tried to watch the figure, but they managed to escape her sight and each trap they triggered. Eventually she heard the drone of their large wings as they disappeared into the jungle. The only sign they left behind was a spot of blue glitter on every tree they’d touched. 

“Sticks!” shouted Knuckles, “What was all that?! Are you alright”

“I’ve only heard legends, but if my guess is right… some sort of Ninja,” said Sticks.

Knuckles gasped, “a Ninja?! AWESOME!”

“Wait you’ve heard of ‘em?” said Sticks, “The rest of you hardly ever know what I’m talking about.”

“Well when you watch enough tv you learn what a Ninja is,” said Knuckles.

“TV? Darn, I should’ve known…” said Sticks as she walked out to find her boomerang, “wait, why’re you out here?”

“Oh yeah, Amy wanted me to find you. We have a problem.”

_________________

“Hoh Hoh Hoh!” laughed Dr. Eggman as he sat in his room of many monitors. On the largest screen the unfortunate situations of Sonic and his friends played out on loop. His assistants, Orbot and Cubot, waited patiently for him to get his fill of laughs in. As did the green Preying Mantis Ninja standing with their arms behind their back. 

“Look at his face as he slips on his face!” said Dr Eggman, hitting his control panel and laughing, “he’s helpless against a bit of wind and freezing rain! I gotta remember that!”

“Uh boss,” said Orbot, “now that we’ve played these recordings on loop 20 times, perhaps we ought to worry about what Sonic and the others are going to do to retaliate?”

“Oh yeah, what did you build for Sonic to blow up today boss?” said Cubot.

“I didn’t build anything for today,” said Dr. Eggman.

“But eeh… that means they’re gonna break something else,” said Cubot.

“No you nincomputer!” Dr. Eggman stood up from his fancy swiveling chair, “they don’t even know who’s responsible for the appropriation of their pranks! It’s genius you see!”

“But sir, who else would antagonize them like that other than you?” said Orbat.

“Why this mischievous freelancer of course!” said Dr. Eggman, putting one of his hand on the Mantis’ shoulder and giving them a friendly shake.

“I did in fact sabotage their joy today,” said The Mantis, standing stiff and waiting for Dr. Eggman to release them.

“Yes you did! And you got four out five of them! That's four stars out of five in my book! I knew I wouldn’t regret hiring you out of that catalog.”

“Oh yeah, you were like ‘I better not regret this!’” said Cubot, taking up an Eggman-like pose.

Dr. Eggman glared at Cubot, then coughed and turned to look down at the Mantis. “Your contract said I’ve got your services for the whole day, yes?”

“I am standing here for that reason, yes,” said the Mantis.

“Good, now let’s show them who’s really responsible for their misfortune! I’ll even let you partake in gloating with me!” said Dr. Eggman.

“I do not have ‘gloat’ in my skillset. Thus I would perform poorly at that task,” said the Mantis.

“...I can teach you a bit about it on the way.”

___________________

“Alright team, if we’re going to have fun during my birthday, and Sonic & Tails are gonna have a fair ‘battle of annoyance,’ we gotta deal with that person who's trying to ruin our day!” said Amy Rose to the rest of Team Sonic. They had assembled at the Teams agreed DPZ, De-Prankified Zone, the Meh Burger dining lot. 

“Who, other than Eggman, would go to these lengths anyway?” said Tails, “that’s what’s really bothering me. Have we done anything to someone recently?”

“Well there’s people who get ‘parasocially angry’,” said Sonic with finger quotes. “Could be literally anyone who doesn’t vibe with our brand of swagger and has no life of their own.”

“Ninja’s are notoriously without a life,” said Knuckles. 

“And good at blending in…” said Sticks, turning and eyeing a family sitting at a nearby table with suspicion.

“That I have seen,” said Sonic.

“Oh yeah, did you manage to hire-” started Amy, before the attention-demanding voice of Dr. Eggman rudely interrupted her. 

“MUAHAHAHAH!” bellowed Dr. Eggman from his flying eggmobile. His threatening presence caused the other patrons of meh burger to steadily flee, after only gathering their food, napkins, and food packets. “Have you had misfortune today Sonic?”

“Are you going to have some misfortune?” said Sonic, leaning forward but staying seated.

“Not today, Hedgehog! For you see, I have the upper hand.”

Some patrons scooted by the teams table as Tails said “Have you actually built a badnik we haven’t seen before, or are you just trying to hype up Mega again?”

“Grr, I don’t use that one that often!” said Dr. Eggman

“Uh, yeah, you kinda do,” said Sonic.

“It’s frankly embarrassing how often you pull out the same badniks on us,” said Amy, “the people of this village can’t even be bothered to put energy into fleeing from you anymore, that’s how stale you’ve gotten.”

“Yeah, and you use the same robots all the time!” said Knuckles.

“Yeah, okay, so maybe I can’t churn out new super badniks at an insane rate, but I’ve got standards for my health! I’m not gonna crunch my schedule if you lot won’t even respect what I build!”

Sonic turned and stared at Tails for a moment, who took a bit to notice. “What?”

Sonic titled his head and raised an eyebrow.

“What??”

“Does Egghead actually have a better sense of self care than you these days?” said Sonic.

Tails folded his arms and looked away from Sonic. 

“If you all could be bothered to pay attention for more than a second!” shouted Dr. Eggman, “You might notice-”

The crash of a soda cup hitting the ground drew everyone’s attention to Sticks. She’d turned round and snarled as she tightly gripped the wrist of the Mantis Ninja, who appeared to have been attempting to tie a small wire to Sticks’ leg. 

“Well, colour me impressed,” said Dr. Eggman with a widening grin.

Sonic recognized the smile and immediately dashed toward Dr. Eggman. Then Eggman pressed a button, and something tightened on Sonic’s leg. He fell onto his face then saw that a thin wire tied to his leg led to a small round black badnik with the shape of a spider. Three more wires protruding from this badnik were tied to Tails, Amy, and Knuckles, who were all sent to the floor by the momentum of Sonic’s dash. 

“Ow FUCK!” shouted Tails.

“Tails what the F-! You can’t say that!” said Sonic.

“Actually,” said Knuckles as he pushed the dining table off of himself, “I’m with Tails, this fucking hurts.”

“I’ve had enough of Eggman’s shit today too,” said Amy.

“Goddammit, could you guys at least try to keep the Team PG?” said Sonic.

“It’s no use anyway,” Said Sticks, still grippin the Mantis, “It’s not like we’re getting fucking renewed anytime soon.”

“...What?” said the Mantis, with the second emotion to appear on their face being sheer bafflement. 

Sticks responded by punching the Mantis in the face. The force allowed them to pull out of her grasp and dart away, diving behind the counter to the despair of the service worker there. Still Sticks gave chase, throwing her boomerang. 

The Mantis responded with a flying kunai that struck Sticks’ boomerang and changed its trajectory. Truly Ninja’s are as dangerous as Sticks worried, as she found it hard to follow the boomerangs flight path. She only saw it just before it was about to strike her in the face.

Then a second kunai hit the boomerang, deflecting it away from Sticks. Everyone looked over to see a floating hand. Actually, it was attached to a  well blended figure, whose colours changed from that of the background to purple. 

“Chaotix agency, Espio,” said Espio the Chameleon.

“Oh he’s good,” said Amy, “how much money did Vector want?”

“Not too much,” said Sonic as he stood up and struggled against the wires of the spider badnik, “they said if we were actually dealing with another Ninja we’d get a discount.”

“That… doesn’t make sense,” said Tails.

“The honor of testing my skills against another trained in these arts,” said Espio as he stepped closer to the Mantis, “is worth a quarter of my boss’ revenue.”

The Mantis nodded, “so be it.”

“What is even happening anymore?” said Dr. Eggman, “this was supposed to be when you all cower at the genius of my Tripping-bot in conjunction with my competent hiring judgment!”

“Well Egghead, you’re not the only one who gets the ‘spies and assassins’ catalog,” said Sonic.

“That’s it,” said Sticks, “two Ninja’s is too much for me to worry about! I’ve got something more important to be doing!”

Sticks the Badger proceeded to leave… without her friends even. Sonic and the others exchanged a glance and shrug. 

“Alright, no more delaying! Ninja, attack!” shouted Dr. Eggman.

“Go get em Espio!” said Sonic.

The two Ninja’s locked eyes, raised their kunai, and charged at each other. Just before an intense clash of blades, both Espio and the Mantis dodged toward different directions, hiding behind different tables. 

Meanwhile Knuckles managed to get a footing against tension of the wire from the Spider Badnik. Seeing this, Dr. Eggman attacked team Sonic with the base missiles and laser on his eggmobile. 

Two epic battles played out over the next few minutes. One where Team Sonic steadily overcame the problem of being tied together. At Amy’s suggestion, Knuckles took the lead of which direction they would all move, and even threw the other within range of Eggman. Via taunting Tails tricked eggman into blasting the cord tying him to the others, and started flying interference. 

Eventually Tails lured Dr. Eggman close enough to the ground for Sonic, Amy, and Knuckles to time a jump together and all land on Dr Eggman's vehicle. Just in time too, as he had finally grabbed ahold of Tails and was about to throw hands. From there all four of the team beat up Dr. Eggman and his eggmobile until he finally admitted defeat, which took an impressive amount of blows to make him do. 

All the while the two Ninja’s engaged in the most intense battle of their lives up till now. The Mantis used their flight advantage to duck behind elevated positions and look for Espio. However Espio knew this and compensated with his camouflage and speed. From the perspective of everyone else and each other however, they both remained completely out of sight. Some customers even started returning to the meh burger, unaware of the intense battle going on between tables and booths.

“...Are either of them still here?” asked Amy.

“ I literally can’t tell,” said Sonic.

“Well one of those ninja knives just appeared in my shoe, and I’m sure it wasn’t there before,” said Knuckles.

“They must be so fast!” said Tails.

“And sneaky,” said Sonic.

…

“This is so boring,” said Sonic as he sat down in a chair.

“Yep,”

“I’m afraid so,”

“Maybe I could build a Ninja tracker?” said Tails. 

“If this fight takes that long, I think we’re better off-” Sonic leaned back in his chair as he talked, and to everyone's surprise tripped the Mantis Ninja who stumbled out into the open.

The Mantis immediately opened their wings to take flight, but were stopped as Espio charge out of nowhere horn first into their torso. The two Ninjas tumbled to the ground with the sounds of struggle. Once everyone managed to realize what was happening Espio had his kunai at the Mantis’ neck.

“Damn,” said the Mantis.

“Yep,” said Espio.

The two stood up and dusted themselves off. Espio quickly went to retrieve his scattered ninja weapons while the Mantis adjusted their scarf. 

“Apologies Doctorate Eggman,” said the Mantis, “I was bested in the duel. Here is an adjusted invoice. Call my number if you have questions.”

“Right…” said Dr. Eggman.

Sonic and the others went over to Espio to congratulate him. Though the chameleon kept a stoic pose, Amy at least could tell he seemed to appreciate the praise.

“For the discount,” said Epsio and he pulled a pocket register out and started typing into it, “please write down all the thoughts you had about my performance for my boss to see.”

“Yeah I’ll tell vector you did a good job,” said Sonic.

“How will you be paying?”

“I have a card,” said Amy.

“But it’s your birthday!” said Knuckles.

“Yeah, we can cover it, right Sonic?” said Tails.

“Uh… yeah, I’ll just… hafta to buy a smaller gift for Amy,” said Sonic.

“D’aw,” Amy smiled warmly at Sonic, that comment fully recovered her mood from earlier, despite the battle damage to her dress and quills. “Don’t worry Sonic, having more money for later is a perfect birthday gift.”

“Oh, yeah, sure thing Ames,” said Sonic.

______________

While his mood was a bit soured, Dr Eggman took some pleasure in knowing he at least inconvenienced Sonic and his friends today. That was worth something. Now he just needed to figure out how best to word that to Orbot and Cubot as to make it sound like he didn’t lose. 

That train of thought was halted when Dr. Eggman got within view of his lair. Smoke poured out of several portions of the structures, and loose wires threw sparks all over the place. Several of his defensive badniks were flying and walking circles around the base in full alert, but it was clear they had no idea where the culprit of this mess was. Dr. Eggman grumbled and flew in closer to evaluate the damage.

“No who had time to do this?!” Eggman said to the badniks. 

From behind a rock, Orbot and Cubot peeked out and pointed to the top of the base, Orbot saying “she did…”

“Wha-” Dr. Eggman was cut off by Sticks the Badger landing on his Eggmobile and driving an obsidian shortsword into its control panel. He screamed in genuine terror as they crashed to the ground.

Dr. Eggman felt himself tumbling until he lay flat on his back, then Stick jumped onto his chest and bared her teeth, putting a hand on his collar. 

“I have WAY too much to worry about, without dealing with this damned ‘Fools Holiday!’”

“Wait, I-” muttered Dr. Eggman.

“Shut up!”

Dr. Eggman shut up.

“When I hafta to worry just that much more, it actually hurts! And I’m not willing to spare you that pain!” Sticks took a few heavy breaths and made sure Eggman was looking her in the eyes. “Now, are you EVER, going to make me hafta to worry about an ‘April Fools’ again?!”

“Well… when you ask so nicely…”

Stick growled like a wild badger.

“No no of course not! Jeez! I’ll leave you alone if you leave me alone!” said Dr. Eggman. 

Sticks’ posture immediately softened and she released Dr. Eggman's collar. She let out a sigh and said “thanks,” before stepping off of Eggman’s chest and lying on the ground.

“Uh… don't mention it,” said Dr. Eggman.

“Yeah, of course… Sorry I hafta be so mean…” 

“I'm going… to go inside, and hide.”

Sticks gave him a thumbs up and continued to just lie on the ground in front of his base's door.

[vixstarria]

'Erotic misadventures'

Hello, I wrote this for an April Fools challenge, and now it is your problem.

Challenge terms: The challenge is simple - write something spicy that uses the worst possible terms for body parts, sex acts, and so on!

AO3 link

So I've always had this headcanon that Tav and Astarion perform readings of really bad erotica for the group at camp. This is a depiction of one such evening.

All origin characters.

18+, humor, banter. Is this actually smut? I don't know. I hope not.

Content warnings: ...Yes.

Approx. 1,800 words

It was, without a shadow of a doubt, the best piece of fiction they’d ever come across.

Meticulously handwritten in a tidy script, the text filled a sizeable journal. “Her Highness’s Erotic Misadventures” read the title. “Thank you for beta reading, Harpy Quinn”, it said at the bottom of the title page, whatever that meant. 

Despite both of them having a professional interest in lewd literature, neither Astarion nor Tav had ever come across this piece before - they doubted it had ever been published. They doubted it could ever be published, for that matter. However, it must have gone through many hands privately - on flipping through the journal it was discovered that the end contained a multitude of little gushing reviews in other people’s writing.

The author must have been one strange individual, with even weirder friends. How embarrassing.

The gang had called it a day and were gathered around the campfire. Astarion and Tav had been taking turns reading from the manuscript, to their companions’ amusement (and, in Gale’s case, vexation).

Despite being seasoned experts in the genre, Wyll and Shadowheart were visibly perturbed (albeit also intrigued) by the piece. Karlach hung on to every word, and even Lae’zel had stopped tending to her weapons to listen to the strange tale spun by the anonymous author. Volo, whose unwarranted presence continued to be tolerated, although no one could quite pinpoint why, was silent, furiously scribbling notes in his own journal. And as for Gale, well…

“This is deplorable,” said Gale, weary disappointment and disdain in his voice. “The only reason I am still here is because none of you can be trusted with the pot.”

 Astarion ignored him and continued to pace around the fire, reading aloud from the journal.

As the title suggested, the story depicted a series of obscene misfortunes which had befallen a hapless princess and her loyal knight. After several chapters of delving into the princess’s tragic and salacious backstory in (frankly bewildering) detail, the narrative had at last moved forward to a scene in which the princess’s knight came to her rescue after she had been kidnapped and taken away to a cave by a dragon. The knight faced the said dragon (who had then taken a dragonborn form for some reason) and its two harpy henchwomen.

“‘Its weak spot is its bussy’, the princess cried out from the cave,” read Astarion. “What in the hells is a ‘bussy’..?” he asked, lifting his head to seek counsel from his companions. 

Everyone around the fire just shook their heads, equally perplexed. 

“Hmm… Well, it seems our hero doesn’t know that word either...” Astarion continued reading.

“‘Puzzled, the paladin took a shot in the dark, cramming her manhood-’ Wait, what? I could have sworn...” Astarion shuffled through the pages. “…Oh she’s got both sets. How convenient… Anyway. …‘Cramming her manhood into the dragonborn’s meatgrinder’.” Astarion frowned again, sitting down next to Karlach.  

“Is the ‘meatgrinder’ the dragonborn’s mouth, or..?” asked Shadowheart.  

“I… think so? There’s not many contextual clues here, it just says that the ‘meatgrinder swirled around her pork sword, stunning her and nearly making her forsake her oath of propriety’.” 

“Well keep going, we’ll figure it out,” Karlach said, impatiently.

“The two harpies swarmed the stunned paladin. A hand deftly shed the paladin’s breastplate, exposing her pearls, whilst another grabbed her by the neck, clawed fingers shredding the remnants of her clothing, as two hands groped and teased her milkbags. She felt a hand creep up the back of her thigh while another hand pulled on her hair, as another crept to her moistening oyster-” Astarion stopped, with an exasperated sigh. “How many hands do these bloody things have?! I’m losing focus.” 

“And the mention of pearls…” Wyll said, thoughtfully. “It’s peculiar, you would think a pearl would be inside the… never mind”.  

 “Shadowheart, could you and Tav assist us with a visual, perchance,” asked Astarion. “I can’t be the only one who can’t keep track.”

“Perhaps I could also be of assis-” started Wyll.  

“Perhaps you could sit right back down,” Astarion warned with a glower. “I'll step in if needed. Where was I..? Ah yes, the err… the milkbags. So there’s definitely two hands there.”  

Both Tav and Shadowheart giggled as Shadowheart stood to join Tav by the fire and reached around Tav to lightly place her hands over the other woman’s breasts.

“Nice,” said Karlach. 

“The harpy pinched her pearls, and pulled her into a deep, ravishing kiss,” Astarion read, looking up expectantly at Tav and Shadowheart.

“Uh… That is not in the book, soldier,” said Karlach, reading over Astarion’s shoulder.  

“Spoilsport,” muttered Astarion. “I was just trying to set the mood before moving forward - the author’s pace is almost too relentless even for me. But fine.” 

Astarion cleared his throat and continued. 

“Then one of the harpies used her hands to pry open the paladin’s clam.” He looked up again. “Well come on, Shadowheart, pry open Tav’s clam.” 

Shadowheart simply laughed and returned to her spot across the fire. 

“If you’re not sure how - we could show you later tonight, if you like,” Astarion called out after her. 

“I’m sure I could give you some pointers on dealing with clams, Astarion,” retorted Shadowheart. 

“Is that so..?” he purred. “Interesting… What about you, Karlach, are you adept with clams?” 

“You know I haven’t had any clams in a decade, fangs!” Karlach groaned. “But before that… They used to just fling themselves at me, already opened, yeah.” 

“Fascinating. Lae’zel?” 

“There are a number of women who have survived bedding me,” the githyanki responded, deadpan. 

“I am… in equal parts concerned and aroused at the thought,” Astarion mulled over her words. 

“I wish anyone could survive bedding me,” grumbled Karlach. 

“There there, darling…” Astarion reached out to carefully pat her on a horn. “Now we all know Gale doesn’t know the first thing about clams…” 

“I’ll have you know, in my ethereal relations with my goddess, our connection was so profound that not only have I experienced her ‘clam’, I have interconnected with it on such a sublime and intimate level, been woven so deeply into it to myself have become part of the clam.” 

Gale’s outburst failed to have the effect he had desired, as the group struggled to contain themselves, wheezing and huffing for air. 

“Thank you, Gale, I don’t believe I’ll be able to get that image out of my mind anytime soon,” Astarion continued, trying to maintain his composure. “Wyll..? How fare you with prying clams open?” 

“Well…” The warlock began, with a smile. “I find, that the best way to go about it is to allow the clam to open of its own accord, from heat. From it getting sufficiently… steamy, if I may. I would never simply invade one with my blade.” 

Astarion was about to say something but just chortled instead. 

“Wyll, you rapscallion, every time I think I have you figured out-” 

“What happens next with the harpies?” Came an impatient call from Lae’zel. 

“Yes, give me that, you’re taking too long,” said Tav, snatching the journal back from Astarion. She continued to pace around the fire as she recited: 

“The dragonborn stood before the browbeaten paladin, reveling in her anguish. Even had the harpies not had a firm grasp on the paladin and her unmentionables, she would not have known how to approach the dragonborn – the loathsome creature was covered in impenetrable scales. Its mouth sported rows upon rows of sharp teeth – the only reason it allowed the paladin’s mutton machete out unscathed must have been because it had worse yet torments in mind for it.

The creature turned its back on the paladin, to roar tauntingly at the princess somewhere in the cave. 

‘Behold, as I turn your valiant saviour into naught but a pathetic cumdumpster!’

As it turned its back, the paladin glimpsed a narrow, pink orifice beneath its tail.” 

Karlach and Wyll gasped in unison.  

“The bussy!” Lae’zel hissed in a hushed whisper. 

“The paladin drew on the last of her divine power to throw the harpies off, smiting them unconscious, and plunged her hand into the dragonborn’s puckered hole.” 

“I am going to be sick,” moaned Gale. 

“The dragonborn cackled and flexed their beef ring, tightening its grasp on the paladin’s hand. The paladin reeled in horror, as the dragonborn’s poop chute seemed to suck the paladin’s hand further in, like fleshy quicksand, whilst threatening to snap her wrist.”

A tear of anguish slid down Gale’s cheek.

“It cannot be! Was the bussy a trap?!” came an outcry from Lae’zel.

“No! It could not end this way. Her entire life and all her training had been preparing her for this,” Tav read. “What in the hells, really?” she muttered, before continuing. “In that moment, she knew that the only way out - was through. The paladin took a deep breath and PLUNGED her arm deeper into the dragonborn’s vile cavity,” Tav exclaimed, throwing her own fist in the the air, to the sound of Astarion’s uncontrollable giggling and everyone else’s gasps.

“The dragonborn yelped and tried to expel the paladin’s arm from their pulsating dirtbox, to no avail. The paladin was now elbow deep in the mud dungeon. The two continued to wrestle, the paladin’s arm pumping deeper and deeper into the dragonborn’s dank portal.”

“I fear I may need to tap out soon,” warned Wyll.

“Weakling!” Lae’zel and Shadowheart said in unison, before glaring at one another.

No one, including Karlach herself, could tell whether she was laughing or crying.

“At last, the dragonborn seemed to accept its fate, quivering and taking the paladin’s arm nearly shoulder-deep. The creature grunted and groaned, before stilling, only to unleash an earth-shaking roar, finally forcefully expunging the paladin’s arm in a spray of gooey, milky spunk, as it collapsed on the ground, convulsing, clearly too incapacitated to be of any further threat.”

“Supper is ready,” wept Gale. 

“Shall I take over while you eat?” Astarion asked, to Gale’s immediate renewed protestation.

“That’s alright, I think we should take some mercy on Gale and pause here for the day,” said Tav. “Although let me peek ahead, perhaps it’s tame enough.” She took the journal and flipped forward a few pages. “Oh my…” came a surprised murmur from Tav. “You’ll never guess what happens to the princess and her knight… This may be a problem if we want to continue to visualise this masterpiece properly.” 

“Oh? Dare I ask..?” Astarion was giddy with anticipation. 

“Well… There are now… Five… Six… No, seven! Seven dwarves, who have appeared in the cave.” 

“Goodness gracious,” lamented Astarion. “We will never keep track of all the body parts… Perhaps if Withers steps in to help..? Would you prefer to be the princess or the knight, darling? You can choose, I’ll take the other role.” 

“I am going to use that journal for kindling tomorrow,” said Gale. 

“NO!” came a collective shout from the rest of the group. 

~~~~~

Sorry about the psychic damage, come check out my other work if you dare.

~~~~~

Tagging the usual plus some people who I think might also be doing / were interested in this:

@littleenglishfangirl @something-pithy @darlingxdragon @tallymonster @tragedybunny @spunky-89 @acourtofpenandpaper @yoonshope @lariatbunny @whiskeyskin @spacebarbarianweird @brabblesblog @littlejuicebox @icybluepenguin @snowfolly @pursuitseternal @comatosebunny09 @kittenintheden @bardic-inspo @tavyliasin

[pursuitseternal]

“Seek Me:” naughty Hide and Seek for you and your Vampire Lord in “The Rogue You Were”

Ascended Astarion x F!Reader | E | 3.4 K of predator/prey, hide and seek double smut

Summary: To fight the impending ennui of politics, you play a game, just a simple hunt, a sort of dark and perverted hide and seek. Winner claims the spoils, and the spoils are always… delicious.

CW: predator/prey dynamics, perverted hide and seek, slight exhibitionism (twice), rough sex, possessive sex, double cream pie, (surprise) carriage sex

Ao3 link | Astarion fic Masterlist

Chapter 11… Seek Me

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

Shadows stretch across the palace halls, bending and misshaping anything familiar. That creeping memory of sneaking in here years ago to stop the Rite that made you and your love what you are still niggles in your thoughts and nightmares sometimes.

Times like this, you wonder why Astarion insisted on living in such a place of past torment. Even though the decor was brighter and the crimsons more vibrant, it didn’t matter in the dark.

All looked the same cloaked in shadows and covered in night.

Your undead heart pounds, it's slow and hard as your breasts rise and fall rapidly with your breaths. Why… why did you agree to let him go first? Some little game to break the ennui. A simple game of hide and seek. But you should have known, hiding and seeking was more than that in an ancient ancestral, vampiric palace.

And it was always more than that with Astarion, your love, your sire, your husband.

You keep your eyes open for his glowing red gaze… your ears train the ground for his near silent step… he’s far more practiced at all being a vampire entails. He can hold his breath, slow his heart, move like death incarnate.

Your only advantage is that you know the palace better. All these days spent overseeing renovations as he attended council meetings and travels, you had more than a few tricks up your sleeve. As long as he didn’t catch you first.

Darting onto the balcony, you keep to the shadows and hug the wall. If you can just make it inside the hall, you’re sure he won’t find you for quite some time.

After all, it’s just a little game to play while your guests are still departing, admiring your new palace. It’s only a matter of time now before you both need to leave for some grand soirée, another of many evenings wrapped up in tedium and the boring banter of politics and power. This game is to spice up the evening ahead. And instead, it just makes your heart race.

Winner or loser, you know you’re just going to end up split on his cock, gasping and pleasured wherever you are. Wherever it is he finds you.

You just hope it’s not within earshot of these nobles…these poor, pathetic souls who wander to look at your splendorous home. You hear their voices from down below, lightening your step to go unnoticed. Muffled noises grow closer. Hands shaking, you know that hidden door is here… behind this panel, your hands skim over the ornate wallpaper, searching with fumbling touch for the switch. Noises grow louder, and suddenly you’re aware of the milling crowd on the other side of the railing. They can just catch you from the corners of their judgemental eyes, their ears just within reach enough to hear you if you were to make enough noise…

You wonder if they can also hear those footsteps approaching. Astarion. Hunting you down, seeking you in your fun and twisted game.

Trembling, ragged breaths come from your mouth as you finally hear the click of the hidden switch, the panel shifting in the wall to reveal total and utter darkness. You smile, relieved….

Until two glowing crimson eyes open to look down on you from within. Quicker than breath, he’s turned you around, dagger to your throat and arms pinning you against his chest as he laughs so quietly in your ear. “Shhhh, not a sound… my treasure.” He grinds his prominent erection on the curve of your ass through your thin silken gown. “Not if you want those Patriars and Council members to hear how much of a slut you are for your lover…”

You swallow the sound that longs to break from your throat. His hand, the one that isn’t skating the blade of his dagger tantalizingly over your neck, skates up your thigh, rucking up your skirts to reveal your bare legs and curves. Just the way he likes you.

“You want that, want to show off how much I crave you, don’t you…?” you hiss the question, pulling at his arm enough to free you, but he only retaliates with a smile on his lips.

Clutching you all the harder, he spins you both into the wall to press you into that elegant wallpaper. That dagger blade is stowed away, replaced by his hand at your neck. His laugh is laced with pure devilry—he lives for this. That hand returns to hiking up your skirt until you feel nothing but the fine, supple leather of his trousers grinding against your ass. “You question if I’d like the powerful men of this city to know that its Hero against the Netherbrain whimpers for me almost every hour of the day?” You feel his hands quickly, dexterously unlace those leathers. That thick, hot head of his cock teases against your ass, slipping beneath your thighs as he spreads you wider with his knee. “You wonder if I’m proud that my beloved longs for me always, and I for her?”

You stifle your groan against the rich and ribbed texture of the wallpaper. That cock head teasing into your entrance just enough to make you shake, to make you press against the wall harder to lift your hips more for him. A low growl shakes against your sensitive ear as he approves, that cock teasing inside you just a little bit more. “Tell me, my treasure, how hard did you try to hide from me? That couldn’t have really been your best…” he taunts you, both with that hot and blunted head in your folds and his words in your ear. “Once I’m finished claiming my victory this round, you’ll just have to try again you know…”

Shivering, you nod, your cheek rubbing that expensive paper, its lush colors too bright to have your face shoved against it. “Oh no, I was barely trying, my love,” you lie just to taunt him all the same. “I just wanted you to claim your victory, worried you’d take too long for how badly I need you.”

“Such pleasing words from my lust-driven consort,” he chuckles, quiet enough for your ear alone. “Such a slut, just for me, is that it?” he rasps as he shoves himself deep into you at last, fangs sinking into your neck all at once. “What kind of lover would I be to deny you that?”

He sucks harder at your neck, hips pistoning against your rear deliberately and smoothly. You physically bite your tongue and cheek to keep from moaning, the hard won prize of this game going to both of you, that desire flooding your bond. Thighs shaking, you know you won’t last much longer, not with the thrill of being just out of eyesight from the dozen or so guests that still mill around. “I look forward to you trying to beat me again,” he growls in your ear, words staggered and stuttered with his thrusts. “But we better finish this round before anyone suspects the Vampire Lord and his Consort of being so madly in love they can’t keep their hands or sexes off each other, hmm?”

A small whine escapes your self-imposed gag on your lips, and it makes him laugh low and dangerously in his throat. “What a good little consort,” he nips at your ear. “Just can’t help yourself. So clever to get caught…” he groans. With that thickening inside you, that gravel in his voice, you know he’s growing close.

The thought alone makes you come undone, back arching, your fangs breaking your own lip’s flesh. It takes every ounce of self-restraint to keep yourself from mewling and screaming as you burst in heat. And all the while, he’s groaning and rasping in your right ear. Shivers run down your back as he grunts harder in that sensitive spot against your neck. Erratic, hard thrusts jab deep inside you, his cock twitching as it pulses and fills you.

“That scent will make it harder for you to hide this time, you know my treasure,” he emphasizes with a deep breath right against your neck. “Your blood, my cum, your arousal… You’re such a mess, marked so well. There’s nowhere inside this palace I won’t be able to track you down, you know…”

You smirk, spinning in his arms to rest your back against the wall. “We’ll see about that…” you tease, breathless and overconfident. He just smirks, that edge of arousal and intrigue darkening the deep crimson of his narrowing eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll do your best, my darling little vampling,” he kisses your lips longingly, a little playful nip at the end, the mingling of iron on your tongues from your blood. He breaks away, eyes wide, frightening as he wraps his hand around your throat, your skin still slick from blood. “We have half an hour before we must depart for the evening, my pet. You had better not delay us, you know.”

“You wish me to let you win in that time so we remain… punctual?” you tease.

“I’m just stating the obvious,” he shakes his head very slowly as he smirks wide enough to bare his fangs, “I won’t be pleased if I have to leave without you just because you decided to be clever.”

“I… am… clever,” you taunt, tapping him on his nose with each insolent word.

Astarion pulls his hand away from your throat, eyes glinting, breath still. “Then I’ll let you get a head start, my clever girl…” he leans his fanged face into yours, “so you had better run.”

You stumble away, thighs slick as he watches you break out into the evening on the balcony again. He just laughs, your scent too strong in his nose. Voices from below call up to him, those guests wishing to impart a few more good wishes to their host before their departure for the next gathering. Astarion shoves his cock back in his trousers, perfecting his appearance before leering down at the nobles form over that thick railing. Those mortals so literally far beneath him. “A fair evening to you,” he calls with a flourish. “My lady and I will see you at the festivities anon. A few matters of home to wrap up before the evening, I’m afraid.”

He sniffs the air, the stink of these guests cloud his senses. Striding down the stairs, he tries to pick up your scent, but there are just too many bodies, too much stale wine and general stink. Once the door is shut to the palace, once he is truly alone, he tears through room after room, searching and sniffing. His mind tugs against yours. “Where are you… darling….?” he growls down your bond, but you know better than to answer. “Trying so hard to be clever, is that it?”

He sneers to himself as he sweeps silently through bedchambers and ballrooms and galleries. He presses against the walls at cracks and hidden doors to scent you within the tunnels. The clock starts to chime, and Astarion hisses in frustration. He hears the carriage rumbling outside the main doors.

“On the gods, darling,” he hisses outloud and down their bond. “If you don’t come out right now, I will be sorely disappointed.” He huffs, grabbing his gloves and cane perched neatly in the foyer. He pauses for a moment, tilting his pointed ear to listen to his palace, scanning his domain for her. “You think you’ve won?” he snips, irritated and irked as he starts out the door towards the waiting coach. It’s black paint trimmed with gold shines in the torchlight as night falls. “I assure, my darling, if you don’t come this moment to the coach for the evening’s gathering…”

He lets the threat hang in the air. Not even a tremor of a laugh from her end of their bond. Teeth grinding, he launches from the door into the gathering dark of night. He opens the carriage door with a shout for the driver to make haste. Before the door has even shut behind him, his team of raven black mares is off through the Upper City.

Astarion flops down on the elegantly cushioned seat of his coach. His cane in his hands nearly breaks in the strength of his angered grip. “How dare she…” he hisses into the dark as the carriage bumps and sways over the streets. That little window lets the wind whistle in. Usually he enjoys the breeze on his face, but now, tonight, it annoys the hells out of it. He slams it shut

Suddenly, without that breeze, a scent reaches his nose. Blood… arousal…

“Oh… my love…” your voice tickles his mind.

The couch sways around a corner, something shuffling near his feet. A hand shoots up to grab the hem of his jacket, yanking him towards the floor.

“Darling…” he purrs down at you as your eyes lock into his, your fangs must be glinting in the dim light in the carriage.

“I win,” you gloat, your body pinned beneath him on the floor of your carriage. His legs are already spreading yours, hands already roughly pulling your skirts up to your waist, yet you feel like the victor. The prey finally catches the predator in her neat little trap.

“Clever little consort, setting her snare so neatly for me to wind up between your legs…” he rasps, his body bumping and swaying against you in time with the movements of your coach. But then he begins to add a few more deliberate thrusts of his clothed and hardened cock against your already used and soaking folds. “What is the prize you wish to claim, my treasure?”

“You know my favorite prize,” you purr, catching the edge of his pointed ear in your mouth for a suck, one that deafens him for the moment from the rumble of your coach. A moan slips out from his lips far louder than would be dignified.

His ear slips from your mouth as he turns his head, a snarl in Astarion’s throat as he catches your chin. “Then it is everything you shall receive…” he growls, “when I decide to finally give it to you…” he teases you darkly, those hips grinding against your folds mercilessly. He’s heavy on your core, the bumping and jostling of the carriage stealing your breath as he sometimes times his thrusts with the unpredictable up-down. It only makes him laugh harder and capture your lips in his when he squashes you so completely.

“Maybe if you had just played the game properly, you wouldn’t be feeling so trapped like the little prey you are for me, my little treat…” he nips into your neck, just a small bite. Enough to draw blood by the mouthful for him to feast on.

“I did play, and I won,” you chuckle low in your throat, reaching between our hips to blatantly touch myself. “Maybe it’s time you paid respects to the victor this round?” You tease him, acerbic and haughty as he hears your fingers toying through your own slick.

Astarion gives that low and wicked laugh, relishing your defiant spirit. “I don’t think you want anything respectful done with you…. Do you my treasure?” He can’t stiffle a groan as he teases his own cock head through your sopping seam. Over the rattling of your wooden coach cobblestones, you hear the wet sounds of him playing inside you. It sends shivers down your spine and makes you bite your lips enough to draw your own blood to paint your lips scarlet.

You groan, the carriage lurches around a corner making you both roll to the side. A wicked laugh in your throat, you take full advantage of the surprise. Momentum swings you around, until you are the one on top, in a second, a little rise of your hips, and you sink his cock deep inside you.

Astarion bares his fangs and hisses at the sudden warmth and wet that sucks him in, his head now bouncing on the floor. You ride him mercilessly. “Such a good prize you are…” you tease him, gripping his chin to make him look at you. “Nothing like having the Vampire Ascendant at my mercy for once,” you flaunt your victory.

“You think yourself so clever and….” he starts, but you press a finger against his mouth before sticking two of them inside his mouth as you shush him.

“Hush,” you smirk, glowing in your moment of power. You swirl your fingers around his mouth, grazing over his wet and sucking tongue, pricking your skin on his razor-fangs. “Just let your clever Consort have this victory once,” you smile, pouting down at him a bit as you pull your fingers from his salivating lips.

“Very well, my darling,” he growls, “but at least you could let your loving Ascendant lord sit up so his head isn’t addled by the roads.”

You snicker, “Of course. We wouldn’t want to have your mind any more befuddled by my glorious win.” Your smirk is feral and arrogant. You ease off of him, watching with a knowing and careful eye as he slides himself up to rest against the door of the carriage.

He tosses his head, your bodies still joined perfectly, the coach still rocking with that extra, insatiable friction that moves your sexes on their own. He smirks as you ride over a massive bump, one that fairly throws you into the air to slide down his cock with more force than you can give. You gasp as it makes you land squarely on him, cock head slamming your cervix.

The grin on his face grows delightfully sadistic as it twists those sharp features. You see his ears twitching as he listens closely to the rumbles of the coach, smirk winding higher as he lifts you up in time with the coach to slam you back down as it falls….

You grit your teeth and scream through them with a smile as he fills you, sharp and suddenly. “Get riding, my clever treasure,” he chuckles as he pulls you in for a kiss, “or these roads and I will do it for you.”

You give him a glare, more amorous than angry, your mouth slack as you buck your hips with abandon. You bite your lip as you move, the vibrations of the coach send you barreling towards your bliss so quickly. Hard and fast, your hands grip into the stitching of his jacket, his breath hot at the base of your neck. His gaze burns your skin, watching the way your breasts jiggle and move right before his eyes as you are thrown around, at the mercy of the coach’s movements.

He groans, the pressure so great inside you both, you feel it searing between you and crashing down your mental bond. With one breath, you clench around him, his hands grip into your waist to keep you steady as he tries to snap his hips. It bursts inside you, the pressure and pleasure erupting through your core as you reach your peaks as one. He places a breathless kiss on the soft skin of your bosom. “I do so love when you win too, my perfect prey and equal hunter…” he pants against your flesh. “I’ll gladly let you claim your victory from me…” his left brow arches rakishly and teasing, “but only when you’ve earned it, my darling…”

“Hmmm,” you hum, irritated and yet shivering in pleasure. “Just admit, I’m just as good…”

Suddenly the carriage rumbles to a stop, and you lock eyes with Astarion. Voices approach from behind the door, and your two sets of crimson eyes flare wide a moment before the door pulls open behind him.

He grunts as he spills backward, unceremoniously dangling out the door. His head hangs over the edge of the coach, his fanged smile wide and grinning as he stares into the crow upside down, while your hands grabbing furiously at your skirts to hide your sexes still throbbing and intertwined. He laughs that low and rumbling giggle, quite the sight as other guests pause to stare at the Vampire Ascendant indulging within his own private coach. “Well,” he chortles, sitting up to give a bit of privacy as you slide off his lap, “there isn’t any use hiding our love any longer…” Astarion nips at your neck playfully as he refastesns his trousers. “If they sought a glimpse into the loving depravities of the Ascendant and his consort, they certainly found it.”

You giggle, the rush of being so on display racing through your nerves. Carefully you follow him out of the coach, both of you straightening your clothes as if nothing happened. “And you wanted to play your games thinking tonight would be boring,” you rasp into his ear.

He stops in the middle of the grave path and pulls you hard into him, his kiss all lips and fangs and tongue down your throat. Hiding nothing of your passion from the spectators. “Nothing is boring when I’m with you.”

[pandorasfavorite]

The Silent Love

AN: After 5,000 words I managed to write you guys something a little longer for fun.

The large beaming lights in the center of the ring felt so natural to you. From the young age of 6, the dream of being a wrestler was branded on your heart. And now that you are standing in the middle of the ring with spotlights on you and thousands of people cheering you on. Your dream actually felt completely real, that this is what you were destined to do with your life. No one could stop you from getting what you wanted out of life. Though you couldn’t deny the level of intensity your job brought….Every Friday thru Monday you get ready for work. Sometimes you weren't needed but the new storyline was hot and you just so happen got thrown in the middle of it. Rey Mysterio’s son turned heel and the whole WWE community was astonished at the change. Especially since Dominik was so loyal…and so dedicated to his father's work. As crazy as that was, it didn’t matter to you in the slightest. Dominik Mysterio and his father had nothing to do with you; none of that did.

You were brand new to WWE with no enemies, till Rhea Ripley changed the course of your career. After many matches (and wins), you seemed unstoppable; but you knew better than to let the success get to your head. What played to your advantage was your wrestling persona. You spoke no words, and when push came to shove you still stayed silent. The world has yet to know how you sound when you speak, and they would be waiting a long time. This silent streak was intimidating and many believed you could one day pose a match to Rhea Ripley (the current woman’s champion). You were astonished at the whispers. If anything you admired Rhea and how well she retained her title, yet she wasn’t as happy to be associated with you.

So you couldn’t help but be surprised at her intent to fight you next Friday just to show no one can top her. Partial fear coursed through you at the thought of fighting a champion only a few months into your career. Rhea was beyond adamant and a force to be reckoned with; she wasn’t a person you wanted problems with. Although she did do some things you opposed to. Thursday night was the worst, and Friday morning was no better. You felt terrified to put it simply. This match was going to be huge, Dominik Mysterio was still a fresh member in the Judgement Day meaning he was going to be glued to Rhea’s side. You had no one to back you up; just you, yourself, and the silence you accompanied. 

Now you stood in the middle of the ring, trying to act confident; though you really wanted to curl up and hide. She came out of the threshold with Dominik right beside her, you should’ve been looking at her but you couldn't look away from the man beside her. He was obviously out of practice and was adorning a frown that didn’t really suit his face. He was just a step behind Rhea and she was already starting her speech on how no one could take her place. Yet your eyes followed him the whole time and that only pissed her off worse, “Look at me!” she yelled at you now that she was standing right in front of you in the ring. You pulled your gaze away from him but not without difficulty.

You looked at her and managed to hold eye contact. “Do you have something to say?”, she laughed and got in your face. You said nothing and let your eyes flicker behind her, back to Dominik who was watching with no expression. You felt paralyzed when you had been pushed back, Rhea had picked you up and tossed you onto the floor like a bag of flour. On the floor you squeeze your eyes shut and roll over to avoid her hits, you knew this would hurt; but not like this. You are picked up again and draped over the post of the ring to be pushed off of, your cold and clammy hands only make getting your grip on things worse. Your body smacks on the ring again and you swear your head is ringing from the chorus of cheers. You lay flat on your back only to open your eyes to see Rhea standing above you grinning like a maniac. She kicks your side and you fold into yourself with a hiss of pain. She turns around and starts hyping herself up and pointing towards her belt.

With all the strength in your body, you rose up with one hand around the center of your stomach. When Rhea turned around you backhanded her across the face with all the strength you could muster. A sour expression sunk onto her face and before you knew it she performed her finisher on you. You knew that the chances of winning were below 1%, but at least you got a hit in. She pinned you and you laid there waiting for it to be over, though as you lay on the ground you turned your head to meet Dominik’s eyes again. He swallowed hard and looked away, fixing his composure. Then that was it, they left and you went right after them. You wanted to be alone after such a humiliating match you didn’t even want to do in the first place. You wanted to sit with your thoughts that kept revolving around the guy that you hardly knew.

You turned the corner about to go into the dressing room when you crashed into something hard. You looked up with an apologetic expression only for it to drop instantly when you saw it was Dominik. He shifts awkwardly on his feet as if he is nervous to speak, though he apologizes to Rhea, “I’m sorry she shouldn’t have done that”. You had said nothing and only looked at him with wide eyes. This was the last thing you imagined would happen. You nodded at him and smiled slightly to show that you were grateful for his apology. You were still clutching your stomach, but the pain was ignored in his presence. Though Dominik noticed, he frowned and stared, “Can I walk you to the infirmary?”. He said in a concerned voice but it was also laced with guilt. Surely he didn’t think this was his fault? You wanted to deny the offer and just deal with the pain on your own. But the more attention that was drawn to the ache only made it more painful. You sigh and nod, letting him lead the way.

You both walked side by side with no more words exchanged. And when you made it to the room Dominik rubbed his neck nervously, “Well this is it”. You nodded and looked at him all the same. He clears his throat and looks away from your piercing gaze; yet for some reason, his heart pumps faster. He turns to walk away but before leaving you completely he waved goodbye. You had to do the same. From that point on Dominik had to fight the thoughts of you out of his brain. It was like those small interactions were consuming his mind and making it hard for him to function. He hasn’t even heard you speak yet you already managed to get a hold of him. 

A week passed and your next match wasn’t until Monday. You were excited for more reasons than one. Firstly, you felt fully revived and ready to show off some of the new moves that you came up with. Secondly, Rhea hasn’t released any more statements and your fanbase has only grown since the match. And thirdly, everyone was going to be in for a surprise. You intended to be one of the most creepiest wrestlers out there.

Meaning your silence was going to be a magnet of fear if anything. Your eerily music rang through the stadium and all the lights completely shut off so you could roll out from under the ring and stand in the middle. The lights flickered and after a loud screech, they turned back on to show you in the middle. You were dressed in black attire with dark makeup that only emphasized the horror-type look. You heard whistles and cheers at the sight of you, honestly, it felt like floating in many ways.

You didn’t give a single fuck about who you matched today; you knew with confidence the win was yours. So when Baliey stepped out and rolled into the ring you looked at her with wide creepy eyes ( as the commenters put it). You let Baliey go on her stupid rant while you thought of the best way to shut her up. The match started with punches flying, if Baliey hit you she got a punch right back and so forth. You managed to get an upper hand by kicking her feet from under her. Bailey landed harshly on her back. You picked her up as high as you could and put her on your shoulders. She held onto the top of your head with absolute fear at the fall ahead of her. Just as you were about to drop her another loud blast of music startles you. You were still holding Baliey up when you saw two silhouettes walk out of the opening.

 But you continuously reminded yourself to stay focused and ignore the new people. Their interruption was not close to worthy enough for a loss on your part. Instead of dripping Bailey, you summersault with her on your shoulders. She slams onto the ring and ends up behind her, holding her legs over her head to pin her. Bailey squirms and kicks out on two. You stand up and survey the area for Rhea, you knew it was her just by the music that blasted through the stadium. She was standing at the side of the ring with Dominik to the side of her. You wrinkled your nose in disgust at the pair together. All the respect you had for her was lost.

Then again you looked straight through Dominik, his eyes widened when Baliey came running up behind you. You hold back a smirk at his unintentional warning, and you spin around just in time to punch her across the jaw. She steps back holding the side of her face with a shocked expression. You walk up to her and grab her by the shoulders to bring her stomach down on your knee. She groans loudly and exhales a hard breath, you throw her to the side to lay her down on her back. You pin her and after 3 lengthy counts, the win was yours. Rhea claps slowly and sarcastically to bring your attention to her. You glare unkindly and roll your eyes when she picks up a microphone.

 Again Dominik watches like a little puppy following their owner. You did what Rhea hated most, you ignored her and slid out of the ring to begin walking backstage. Only to come to an instant halt at Dominik’s hesitant voice. “It’s not what you think”, he says but it is drowned out by all the yells and boo’s thrown his way. Dominik looks side to side with annoyance. “Listen-”, he tries again but gets the same response to the same effect. He throws his hands up and just gives the mic back to Rhea, you are tempted to turn around and ignore her once again but Dominik’s pleading look roots you to the ground. She takes the mic but it seems as if it is hard for her to say what is necessary, “Join the Judgement Day” she finally rattles off. You scoff instantaneously.

The next few weeks are to the same effect. Rhea and Dominik interrupt your matches to convince you to join the group. They are hoping to wear down your resolve to the best of their ability. Eventually,,,, Damian and Finn also come out to pester you and in truth,,,, it is getting hard for you to hold your tongue. After another tiring day of constant interruption and nagging from the group, you manage to get away and inside of your dressing room. The moment you plop down onto the couch for a moment of rest, there is a knock on the door.

You groan as loud as possible so the person can hear how much they are inconveniencing you. You sat and hoped they would go away after the clear noise of annoyance. But another soft knock comes from the other side of the door. You take a steady breath and propel yourself off the couch to open the door. Yet you were surprised to see Dominik and Dominik alone on the other side of the door. He bites the inside of his cheek but leans on the doorframe as if he is not nervous. He motions inside, “Can I come in?”, you sigh and nod pushing the door open for him.

For some odd reason you felt drawn to him, and after weeks of looking at him and hearing him (or attempting to) plead for you to join, you kind of developed a small crush on him. Dominik walked in and lingered in the middle of the room, switching from foot to foot while he waited for you to close the door. You closed it shut and spun around to look at him, a small laugh fell from your lips at his awkward composure. Dominik’s heart instantly started to race and he recognized his chest getting warm at the sound.

You sit on the couch and pat the spot beside you. He blows out a nervous breath but takes a seat beside you anyway, he fiddles with his hands before rushing out what he came to ask you. “Have you thought about joining?”. You slightly shake your head but in all honesty that was all you thought about these past few weeks. You wouldn’t mind being closer to Dominik, and he would love that as well. But one thing kept you from making the decision. He rubs his face in mild disappointment, “Why not?” it almost sounded like a whine.

You pull your lips to the side, not wanting to share the true reason because Dominik surely wouldn’t appreciate it. You shrug and look at him in the most neutral way you could, though he knew. He always knew. “It’s Rhea right?”, he sighs and scratches his eyebrow. Your eyes fly open and you look panicked at being caught, you shake your head no in an attempt to deny it. Dominik clicks his tongue, “I know it is, Hermosa”. Did he just call you beautiful??? The name made your heart race faster than what is considered healthy.

You blush and drop your head to avoid his understanding eyes. Noticeably Dominik has changed since that first night you saw him, he has gotten more influence in his group. He is less nervous to be around you and more confident in himself. So maybe that's why he took your hands in his, you raised your head to look at him in confusion. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her that night. But she will never hurt you or humiliate you like that again. I swear”, he says with serenity and positivity.

Dominik was convinced that Rhea would cause you no harm anymore. You close your eyes to process; you knew that if you looked at Dominik too long you’d have to say yes. Time and time again you told yourself no. No this wasn’t going to work out and no he wasn’t worth the trouble. Things change though. And Dominik holding your hands and consoling you was a change that helped you make up your mind. You open your eyes and give him a short and small nod. Dominik beams with dilated pupils at your acceptance. He lost control of his body which made him pull you directly into his arms.

 He wraps his arms around you and both of you share a similar feeling of embarrassment. Dominik pulls back and he looks mortified at what he had done. He pops up off the couch and mutter something along the lines of “I have to go tell everyone” and then he slips out of the room casually. Yet you could hear him running down the hallway. The long day was eventful and you just signed part of your career away because you were beginning to love a man. “Fuck”, you finally say and bury your head into your hands.

The next time you seen Dominik was in the Judgment Day dressing room, conveniently enough your name was also written on the door. You walked in with your head held high and confidence spilling from your body. You had been prepared for the worst which was ridicule and rude behavior. Yet you heard laughter. It was Dominik and Damian while Finn and Rhea sat with smiles on their face at the exchange. Rhea’s expression hardened when she turned to look at you, you gave her the same hard look and crossed your arms defensively.

Dominik noticed the tension and stopped laughing at the exchange. He rushed over to you and held you by the arm. He coughs to bring the attention to himself, “15 minutes till guys” was all he said before Finn cheered. Finn pops up off the couch and walks over to Damian to smack him on the shoulder, “The Judgment Day rules, right Damian?”. Damian responds with a simple, “Yea” and puts an arm around his friend. Rhea stands up and walks over to you and Dominik, you are noticeably tense under Dominik’s hand.

Dominik felt the nervous energy radiating off of you. He’s not sure why he does it but he finds his arm slipping around you shoulders. The tension in your face goes away in relief at the feeling of protection from him. “Ready then?”, Rhea asks you while quirking her eyebrow. You nod a bit apprehensively. “Still not talking?”, she asks with a smirk. You raise your eyes playfully, trying to be nice. She gives you a small smile back and pats you on the shoulder. Dominik lights up at the pleasant reaction and he can hardly stand still with excitement. You smile to yourself, just maybe you could get used to this. 

A month passes and things are only getting better, you still haven't spoken a word to anyone. But Judgement Day doesn’t seem to mind. They have found themselves accommodating to your silence, therefore they only ask questions that are yes and no. You appreciate their effort, but your silence was a choice of protection for yourself in a way. When you completely trusted someone you would speak to them, and the time came for that to happen.

 But Dominik would be first to hear, he deserved that much. Monday night 20 minutes before his match you pulled him into a closet, away from listening ears. He looks down at you; his hands almost reach out to hold your arms in comfort. You are currently working up the courage to speak by looking into his eyes; they were always so deep with emotion. “Everything okay Hermosa?”, he asks; though his eyes drop down to your lips frequently.

“Yes”, you whisper but it sounded more like a croak from how long it has been. Dominik’s jaw went slack and his shoulders dropped in awe. He couldn’t believe his ears, so much so he rubbed one of them to make sure he was hearing right. “W-what?”, he wants you to speak again, so so badly it hurts. You bite your lips; holding back from laughing at his insane and surprised expression. “Dominik”, you say. He shakes a sharp intake of breath and steps back; only to step forward right back into his previous spot.

He points at your lips and he looks astonished, “You just talked- I mean really spoke”. He shakes his head in disbelief and runs a hand down his face. You nod; the corners of your mouth going up. You knew he would react strongly but this was just perfect. He looks crazed to keep hearing you, and his hands finally find the sides of your arms; “Well don’t stop now! Your voice is so- I don’t even know how to put this… angelic”. He is shaking in excitement, you laugh and touch his chest with one of your hands.

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest as well. “When we go back out you have to pretend like nothing was said”, you remind him because surely he wanted to tell all of his friends. He opens his mouth without speaking and exhales heavily. “You're talking”, he pushes out… he has never felt this way before. The emotions he was going through right now were crushing in the best way. He wanted to kiss you and listen to you talk for days/ maybe even months. He never wants to see you nod again, he just wants to hear the soft sound of your voice. He was so struck, and so happy he had to pull you into his chest and wrap his arms around you in a hug.

 You hide your blush and smile into his chest, you suppose you could give him time to calm down and process. After a few more minutes he lets go and asks for you, “Ready?”. “Are you?”, you giggle and push him a bit. He stares for a moment, “You're killing me” he puts his forehead on your shoulder. You touch his hair and you tap his head, motioning with your head towards the door. “Okay I’m ready”, he mutters but makes no move for the handle. You nod and Dominik swallows hard at the denial of another word.

You both step out into the hallway and begin walking towards the group. They all turn around and sigh breathes of relief. “Where have you guys been?”, Rhea says in a strict voice. “Sorry, we got held up by the camera crew. Finn shrugs and looks away but Rhea and Damian aren’t as easily as convinced. They will ignore it for another day…they guess. 

Yet another week passes and Dominik has taken advantage of his privilege of hearing you speak. More often than not he would find time in the hectic day to hear your sickly sweet voice. But today, he could get very few words out of you. It was Wrestlemania and you had a surprise match. Meaning the type of match and who it was with was completely and utterly sheltered from you. You were anticipating the worst as always, but at the end of the day, you were going to make the most of it. Now your match was 8 minutes away and Dominik quickly pulled you into a janitor's closet, “Good luck” he rushed out as if he was nervous for you.

You look up at him from your lashes, “Thank you, see you after?”, you affirmed. “Yeah”, he said like he was breathless. You quirked your brow at him in confusion but time was running out, and a strike of confidence hit you. You rose up to kiss his cheek and you left the closet with a minute to spare.

 Your music blasted and the arena went dark as always, only to flicker when you finally made it to center stage. You stood in the middle with your arms raised in the air and a sinister creepy smile plastered directly on your face. You circled the ring only to come to a complete stop when the music played. Your face dropped and you already felt the tears of betrayal burn your eyes; it was Rhea’s music. She came out alone with her title thrown over her shoulders and you felt no fear.

You felt sick to your stomach, the man you loved had to have known. They all knew and none of them told you a word. You start blinking quickly to wish away the tears, yet the moment Rhea towered over you with a victorious smile. A tear happened to roll down your cheek for the world to see. You whipped it away harshly and gritted your teeth at her quick look of pity. The match started and you grabbed her by the shoulders and punched her across the face 3 times. All your pain and sorrow flowed out of you the entire match. Each kick and push was with hatred for what she did to you.

Worst of all, as you lay flat on the floor with blinding tears; all you could think of was Dominik. You were back in the same position as the first time, thinking of him as you lost. Every piercing pain in your body was nothing compared to how your heartfelt. And when Rhea’s arm was raised into the air, you rolled out of the ring and moved as quickly as you could muster to the dressing room. You pushed the door open so hard it rattled the hinges but you weren’t intending to confront anyone. You wanted to grab your things and get the fuck out of there.

You had been expecting all the boys to be in the room but it was just Dominik. His face was crestfallen and he stood up as soon as you walked in. You spared him no look, your hands fumbled with every article of clothing you had in the room. And you walked right past him to grab all your makeup. You had no use leaving it there anymore; there’s no way you’d be back. Finally, you turned to Dominik with your bags in hand and just stared at him with a quivering lip. You wanted him to see how bad it hurt. He can barely look at you, “I couldn’t tell you”. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit is what screamed in your head.

Your eyes were empty and your silence made him finally look at you. Tears are flowing down your face uncontrollably and Dominik looks just as wounded as he feels. He knew he fucked up, but there may be no coming back from this. “I’m sorry”, he whispers what he can get out. Your hands shake at the apology. You wanted to smack him, you wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, you wanted to scream until your throat burned and you collapsed. He only got closer to you, 3 steps away to be exact.

Your throat burned in disgust, his eyes filled with tears much like yours. “You don’t know how sorry I am, what can I do?”, he was on the verge of sinking to his knees and pleading at your feet. His knees felt weak and he cursed himself for not telling you like he was going to days before. You shake your head at him; no words would be enough. His breathing has gotten fast and your silence is hitting him hard, “Say something. Fuck just say something” he pleads. You swallow hard, “What do you want me to say, Dominik?”. His glossy eyes widen when you take a step closer to him with fury deep in your eyes.

“You want me to tell you about how you broke my fucking heart?”, you take another step towards him. “Or how you betrayed me? The ONLY person I trust?”, you take the final third step towards him and you push him back harshly. Dominik clutches his chest because it feels like his heart is shattered. He fucked up, he fucked up, he fucked up. You're leaving and he can’t stop you, he can’t get you back… he ruined his life. “I tried to tell you-”, he croaked and moved towards you again. He held your arms carefully just like he used to, only to be pushed back roughly again, “Don’t touch me!”. He sinks to his knees and begs you to stay, “I need you please, please, please don’t leave me”.

Your breath caught in your throat and your lip quivered again, your face was flushed with tears and your throat felt tight. “Tell me why”, you demand him and harshly wipe the tears again. He looks down shamefully. “Tell me”, you grit out. He stands up on shaky legs and breathes carefully, “It was a contract when you first joined. This was planned since the beginning. But things changed, you changed me Hermosa”.

You scoffed and clenched your fists. You grab your bags off the floor and turn around to leave with a broken heart. “I LOVE YOU! Is that what you wanted to hear?!?! I love you” he yelled in hysteria after you. You sucked in a shaky breath at his confession; because after it all you loved him so much more. You turned your head to look at his crestfallen face, “Not enough” you replied. He clenched his hands and a lonely tear rolled down his face, “Hate me”. Your body stood still in awe, “What?” you gasped out.

He took another prodding step, “Hate me but don’t leave it like this. Don’t leave us like this”. “You’re my everything” his voice cracked with his last notion of hope. Your voice shook and so did your body; one thing was for sure you loved him. You couldn’t let go no matter how much it hurt, “I need time”. He nodded instantly, he would give you anything now that he lost everything.

Your lips pressed together and a new wave of tears rolled down your cheeks, “I love you and I need you but not like this” you sniffle. “I love you”, he says back in one breath though his hands were shaking to stop your tears. Part of you knew you’d come back to him in time but for now, you leave the room and shut the door. “I love you”, you hear from behind the closed door; you turn around. 

[dpfantasyzine]

Here is the link to the Free PDF

Order information is on the last page of the pdf~

[pansysgothgf]

AU where Maddie gets like. Genuinely upset because she doesn’t want to have a different last name from Chim and Jee, but the idea of not sharing a name with Buck (who for all intents and purposes is her first baby) and she ends up breaking down sobbing and apologizing to Chimney. Chim, after consoling his fiancée, just goes “oh, that’s okay! Jee and I will change our last name to Buckley :)”

Maddie just blinks. “You’d do that for me?”

Chim just shrugs. “You and Buck are my family, and I love you both. Other than Albert, I really don’t have any family who are Hans, so yeah! We can be Buckleys, I think that would be nice :)”

Buck cries when they tell him.

(Later, when Buck and Eddie are engaged and the name topic comes up, Eddie offers to change his name to Buckley, too. They almost end up doing it, but Bobby is the one to say no. “I can’t have three Buckleys on the same shift, it’ll get confusing for the other houses during big calls.

Eddie and Buck end up hyphenating instead.)

[tavyliasin]

Open FanFic Event! April Foolishness - LINK UPDATED

Welcome to a brand new open Baldur's Gate 3 challenge for writers who are over 18! The link has been updated and should now work, sorry!

The challenge is simple - write something spicy that uses the worst possible terms for body parts, sex acts, and so on!

This could be short scenarios, dialogue only pieces, short fics, long fics - whatever strikes your fancy! You are welcome to submit as many pieces as you'd like and to have fun with it.

Your works can be purely comedy based, or they could try to make something genuinely spicy and erotic but still using terrible terms at least once.

Have fun with it! If anyone would like to help me concoct a list or random generator of terrible smut words, please do get in touch by email, Twitter, Tumblr, or Discord~

ALL WORKS SUBMITTED WILL BE HIDDEN UNTIL 1st APRIL!

Please make sure everything is tagged appropriately with any CWs~ More Details Follow!

Examples of Awkward Words And Phrases for Smut

You might want to use modern euphemisms and slang, or you could find it more fun to dig back into historical terms. This article, for example, has a lot of modern slang for "penis" which would be wonderfully dreadful in any smut-writing: Thought Catalogue - Words for Penis This one, whilst I'm not fond of the gendered headings for genitalia types, has some interesting mixes of historical terms: Slate - Historical Terms for Genitalia Unfortunately, the linked source of the terms and timeline of them in this article is no longer available

If you have any lists and examples to help, please send them to me! Even better, if you'd like to help by making a randomiser that people could use to give them terms and phrases from a list we input that would be incredible~ Please get in touch!

More Details

Honestly as I type this I'm a little tired so I'll come back and add to the post at a later date if needed, and add in Q&As if anyone has anything to ask about the event!

Deadline - 1st April 2024, to release everything on April Fool's Day

Suggested tag #BG3AprilFoolishness

(If anyone else is using that, my apologies, I'll edit something else)

[a-strange-inkling]

The Demons We’re Made Of

No Upside Down / Trauma AU

(heavy subject matter, please read tags over carefully, reader discretion is strongly advised)

Chapter Preview:

She carefully raised a hand, her unsteady fingertips whispering over the dark chasm under his eye, feeling the heat of the pain still radiating there. 

Eddie didn’t move, didn’t even wince at her touch, eyes open and staring straight into her.

“I just didn’t want him—any of them to hurt you.” she confessed, pulling away, her fingers falling to hook limply onto the fabric of his jean vest. A weak, desperate tether to keep her from drifting away from him again.

Chapter Seven is now live.

[rwac96]

G-Clone Project: Gojera/Godzerra (April Fools)

Subject # 4: Humanoid Kaiju/G-Cell endowed atomic mutant/ "Kaiju Girl"

(image by Witchking00)

HEIGHT: 80 Meters

LENGTH: 180 Meters

MASS: 50,000 Metric Tons

Based on a project suggestion by roboticist Dr. Hideo Shida, creator of the 'RoboMusume' anti-Kaiju weapon during his last days before his passing. In the aftermath of Godzilla's (II) rampage throughout Tokyo, not only the city was doused in radiation but the Monster King left behind samples of its body. "G-Cells", christened by Dr. Genichiro Shiragami, are a rare and dangerous commodity sought after by multiple governments, organizations, and special interest groups all over the world. After witnessing footage of Godzilla's battles against other Kaiju such as Biollante, Ghidorah, and Spacegodzilla; Shida suggested a Kaiju-sized humanoid made from bioengineering. The UNGCC Council was hesitant, remembering the doctor's unorthodox "Bride of Godzilla" mech, how it violated Japan's anti-nuclear weapons policy, and the near-disaster that would've destabilized both the Earth and Hollow Earth if it weren't for RoboMusume's peculiar self-sacrifice. To bring legitimacy to his idea, Shida explained that the subject would have the might and power of Godzilla, but with the mind of a human being.

Miki Segusa spoke up about her concerns over this idea since she advocated for Godzilla to be left in peace ever since he adopted a juvenile Godzillasaurus and the plans of Mechagodzilla, MOGUERA, and Project T failed. Not to mention this was three months after Spacegodzilla's attempted conquest of Earth, a Kaiju-sized human being made those of the G-Countermeasures council uneasy. But Shida replied the possibility of this supposed soldier being an ideal improvement over Mechagodzilla as a defender of Japan and a deterrent to Godzilla. Days after this meeting, select bioengineering scientists began with the 'G-Cell Project', moving their resources to France.

By 1996, Shida had passed away due to old age, and it seemed UNGCC was on the verge of pulling the project's funding. That was until the Baas Island explosion and Godzilla's emergence as "Burning Godzilla", a nuclear meltdown that would've destroyed the world. The G-Cell team found themselves free of oversight during the crisis, as the appearance of Destoroyah heightened the danger. But, the crisis has passed with Destoroyah's rampage stopped and G-Force minimizing the damage as Godzilla perished. But, his leftover radiation transferred to the supposedly deceased Godzilla Junior revitalizing him and maturing him into a new Godzilla (III). With the future uncertain, a breakthrough was made with the G-Cells, the project was renamed the 'G-Clone Project'.

The New Godzilla lacked its father's hostility to humans but, the UNGCC wasn't going to take any chances, as they heard reports of another Godzilla battling an extraterrestrial known as the 'Gryphon' in the United States, unaware that it was what Monarch classified as 'Titanus Gojira'. Then, the monster known as 'Zilla' escaped its holding cell in France and rampaged in 1998, causing complications for every government involved. Many questions surrounded the Kaiju's appearance, as the French contingent of the project had gone rogue. Fearing that their pet project, 'Gojera', would be discovered, they ejected a large egg onto an island that had leftover nuclear radiation from atomic bomb tests in the 1950s. The egg laid dormant for months, until it hatched, revealing an abnormally large infant girl...with dorsal spines eerily similar to Godzilla. The infant fed on the radiation, having an accelerant growth similar to Godzilla (III) until she reached maturity in 2003.

Unfortunately, like Zilla, Gojera, or as Westerners would refer to Subject #4 as 'Godzerra', escaped containment and made landfall upon the coast of Japan, much to the surprise of everyone involved in the battle and witnessed it. Though she slightly resembled a human being, she had the ferocity and aggressive demeanor of any Godzilla, what made it worse was the young woman's genuine malice and enjoyment of the destruction she wrought. It was evident that communication with Godzerra would be unwise, as she seemed to revel in violence. Luckily, the UNGCC had created another anti-Godzilla weapon, launching Kiryu against the Kaiju Girl. Though it turned the tides in humanity's favor, it was clear that something about the mech set her off. As things seemed to be in G-Force's favor, Godzerra bellowed a defiant roar, making Kiryu pause. Seeing the mech's eyes turn from orange to red, she looked down at the gathered soldiers with an eerie smile, as if she knew what would happen next and turned back to the sea.

"Reap what you sow."

-A scientist translated from the Shobijin when Godzerra 'spoke'.

In horrifying reality, Kiryu was built around the skeleton of the 1954 Godzilla that attacked Japan and was killed by the Oxygen Destroyer. Some blamed a technical malfunction, others claimed that the Kaiju Girl's roar influenced the mech, and the Shobijin claimed that the spirit of Godzilla (I) lived within the bones. Overall, the latest anti-Godzilla weapon ironically caused more harm than Godzerra. After Kiryu ran out of power and was escorted back to G-Force, the UNGCC faced intense backlash internationally. Dr. Ishiro Serizawa of Monarch demanded answers, for both the explanation revolving around Kiryu's existence and Godzerra, the latter being verily outside of the Natural Order Monarch had studied for years. Many bioengineer scientists and researchers were questioned, as they could face jail time. Unfortunately, Godzerra resurfaced in Tokyo Bay, demolishing G-Force forces. As the Kaiju Girl marched closer and closer to the city center, the UNGCC Council and the Prime Minister had no choice but to launch Kiryu, believing whatever caused its malfunction was fixed.

The latest Mechagodzilla encountered the Kaiju Girl, resulting in an intense battle, appearing equally matched. Despite Godzerra's mixture of brute strength and human-like strategy, Kiryu gained the upper hand, wounding the atomic mutant with the Absolute Zero Cannon. While it failed to kill Godzerra, Kiryu did expel her, meaning humanity finally had a sure means of fighting back against any Kaiju. But, one year after the battle, Mothra returned to Earth, the Shobijin warning that the first Godzilla's bones must return to the sea for it was blasphemous to use them as a weapon. Takaaki Aso, former G-Force commander and the Prime Minister at the time, stated that too many resources had been sunk to scrap the project now. But, the Shobijin ensured that Mothra would defeat the atomic clone, despite Aso's doubts and remembering the 1992 battle against Godzilla (II) that claimed Battra's life. Soon, Godzerra returned to Tokyo, heading for Kiryu's hangar but was intercepted by Mothra. But, due to her time in space, the divine moth had reached old age; making her outmatched against the Kaiju Girl.

Unwilling to let Mothra fight alone, the G-Countermeasures Council ordered Kiryu's deployment; while Miki Segusa used her telepathy to contact Godzilla (III), fearing the situation's escalation. Despite being outnumbered, Godzerra proved to be a match for both the mech and the moth. Until Godzilla's arrival, who was curious about this being before engaging in combat. Despite the Monster King's strength and power, the Kaiju Girl lived up to G-Clone's original aspiration of creating a being to best their primary foe. Before she would kill the King of The Monsters, Mothra used the last of her strength to take the Atomic Breath for Junior, being set ablaze and exploding. Enraged at his 'sister's' callous reaction to the Guardian Kaiju's death, the saurian gained a second wind and the battle turned in his favor.

As the battle dragged on due to Godzilla's determination to avenge Mothra, G-Force units with Kiryu Mechanic Yoshito Chujo charged into the battlefield to repair the mech. With repairs completed, the Mechagodzilla joined Junior in the fight, turning an even battle to the favor of Earth's Defenders. But, Godzerra, revealing with cruelty, unleashed her own Atomic Pulse, unleashing Spiral Blasts upon Godzilla. Hearing the current Monster King's pained cries, the first King of the Monsters' spirit awakened within Kiryu, blasting the Kaiju Girl away. Unwilling to see such carnage between members of his species, despite the mutant's unnatural origins, Kiryu grabbed Godzerra and flew out to sea, sinking the two monsters in the Japan Trench.

The battle was finished but was declared a hollow, pyrrhic victory, with Tokyo in ruins once more, Mothra dead and Godzilla barely returning to the sea before collapsing due to his injuries, going into a healing hibernation. Finally seeing his grudge against Godzilla as folly, Aso ordered the Kiryu project to be officially scrapped and funding to G-Force cut in half. Since then, the UNGCC and G-Force are now a shadow of their glory days in the '90s and 2000s. However, the G-Clone Project secretly holds the DNA of multiple monsters, including Godzilla, to create more clones in case other Kaiju emerge. As for Godzerra, it took years for her to break Kiryu's grip, re-emerging in 2016, months after the rampage of 'Shin'. Godzerra had taken up residence on the mysterious 'Monster Island', isolating herself from the other Kaiju. Declaring the rather empty title of 'Queen of the Mutants'.

[sarahowritesostucky]

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Steve x ofc x Bucky; Steve x Bucky

Word Count: 1422

Tags: Dom/sub, bdsm au, dom Bucky, sub reader, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, gay sex'n'stuff, straight sex'n'stuff, Steve being a literal Golden Retriever, mental health issues, dub-con, forced submission, referenced childhood abuse and resultant mental health issues, bakery au, m/f/m, gentle domination, total power exchange

Summary: The stigma and shame of being a submissive has kept Mary unfulfilled and in the closet her whole life, until an inciting incident leads to Bucky and Steve taking her in and giving her everything she was always too afraid to ask for.

Now that the 1st is over for anybody unlucky enough to stumble across this: it's an April Fool's chapter- not real.

11. Cheesecake

Two days later, Steve decides to take a late afternoon nap. He wakes from a very deep sleep to the sunlight gone from beyond the widows, and before he can even groan over however the hell long he’s slept, the sound of Bucky and Mary arguing—loudly—reaches his ears.

“Well I don’t care what she said! This is insane! You’re not going!”

“You can’t stop me!”

“You bet your ass I can!”

Steve groans and turns over in the bed. He’s so sick and tired of this. Having Mary stay at their place was a good idea, in theory, but it hasn’t worked out at all the way either he or Bucky were hoping. All it’s done is make all three of them miserable, and put a strain on his and Bucky’s marriage. Getting up, he decides to put his foot down. They can’t keep doing this.

Steve goes out to the living room, where Mary is dressed in a shocking amount of nothing, and what she is wearing all seems to be red latex. “Mare?” he says groggily. 

Bucky whirls around. “Did you know about this?”

“I told you he doesn’t.”

“Know about what?” Steve asks grumpily. 

“Well it wouldn’t be the first secret you’ve kept for her behind my back.”

Steve lowers the hand that’s been rubbing his eyes. Uh oh. Bucky is half naked, he notices, with his joggers and sneakers on and nothing else. Steve figures he must’ve been heading for the shower, as the arm is off, too. 

Over by the door, Mary is shrugging on her coat. “I’ll see you guys later. Have a nice life."

“Hey! Don’t you open that door.”

When she opens it, Steve is surprised to see none other than Thor standing in the hallway. 

“Is that … the Pro?” he asks, confusedly. Behind Thor’s mass are two other people, a girl and a man, also decked out in bold and scant sub wear. Oh, Steve thinks. That’s the girl who Mary made friends with at the CDP the other week. What was her name again? Daryl, Deena, Diane ...

“Darcy!” Bucky growls, pointing at her. “What the fuck did you talk her into?!”

“She doesn’t need you,” Darcy says bravely (or as bravely as she can from behind Thor’s massive body). “She’s gonna come live with us and be our sister-wife.”

“Your what?!”

“Don’t worry, fellows!” Thor booms with a smile. “My harem is a lovely place to live. I promise I’ll take excellent care of her!”  He ignores Bucky’s furious expression and shoots Steve a thumbs up gesture. “Perhaps we’ll see you at the social!”

“Mary,” Bucky warns, but Mary’s already grabbed her purse and gone out the door. She waggles her fingers at them and says she'll send 'someone neutral' by for her stuff. “Don't worry about me,” she says. "I finally figured out what I really need."

The door shuts behind her, and Bucky and Steve just stand there for a while, processing what just happened.

“... what just happened?” Steve asks.

Bucky goes and throws himself onto the couch, looking totally stunned. “Mary decided that she’s going to get her custody transferred to Thor so she can live with Darcy and her boyfriend whatshisface at their house."

Steve’s heartrate picks up. “But … the custody order,” he says.

“Yeah.” Bucky glares across the room at Steve. “Apparently she went to Linda and told her we refused sex, so Linda signed off on it. A judge gave her a new ruling yesterday.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. That’s where she was all day, not at work.”

Steve gasps, in disbelief. “Well … there’s gotta be something we can do?!” He flings his arm at the door where Mary just left. “Where the hell was he taking her, anyway?”

“A social.” Bucky’s expression loses some of its bite, and he shakes his head. “Maybe this is for the best,” he mumbles. “She wasn’t getting what she needs here. We can’t force her to want us. And she obviously doesn’t.” He shakes his head, sighing. “It would’ve ended like this, anyway. So maybe she just saved us a lot of awkward conversations.”

Steve huffs, frustrated by that. “How could she not want us?” he complains, gesturing down his own body where he stands and then Bucky’s. “We’re way out of her league! She should’ve been jumping for joy that we wanted to be with—”

“Yeah well obviously there were mitigating factors,” Bucky snaps, looking bitterly down at the left side of his body where the arm isn’t. “So she finally went and did something right for herself. Good on her.”

Steve can’t believe what he’s hearing. He puts his hands on his hips, pissed at Bucky’s defeatist attitude. “So you’re not even gonna go after her?”

Bucky shakes his head. “What’s the point? We didn’t have a future with her. At least this way she’ll get what she needs … with someone she wants it from.”

Steve scoffs, angry, but then he deflates some. “Well fuck.”

Bucky nods. “Fuck indeed.” 

Steve’s shoulders slump, and his focus shifts to making sure that Bucky’s okay. “Hey,” he nudges gently, going over to the couch. “What do you need, babe?”

Bucky gives him a sad but fond smile and holds his arm out along the back of the couch in indication. “Just you, Sweetheart. C’mere.”

Steve sinks down to snuggle up beside him, and the two of them talk quietly for a while about what the hell they’re going to do now. Now that the heat of the moment's worn off, they both can concede that there's no better person to take care of Mary than Thor. And this way, she'll have a best friend in Darcy as well. Not all relationships are meant to last, but that doesn't make them not meaningful.

And as for the two of them? Well ...

“You know you’re all I need,” Bucky says quietly to him later, once they’re in bed, in the dark, hands clasped between them and cum drying on their bellies. “Always were.”

Steve rolls over and gives him a tender kiss. “Me too, Buck. Me too.”

They don’t discover the farewell cheesecake in the fridge until the next morning, when both of them have already made love again and showered and resolved to look on the bright side about how they at least accomplished one thing: and that’s that they definitely saved Mary’s life and helped her go from a very bad place, to where she needs to be.

“Oh man,” Steve groans when he opens the fridge and sees them sitting there. “I’m gonna miss this, though.” He pulls out the two plates of cheesecake to show Bucky. “She really got to know our tastes, huh?” One of the slices is blueberry, the other is Dulce. Bucky smiles fondly and nods. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “Yeah she did.” 

They sit together and eat their respective slices at the breakfast bar, feeling much better about the outcome of things than they did yesterday. “I’m happy for her,” Bucky finally decides, because he is. “And we’ll always be able to keep in touch. So that’s good.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “It’s good.” They share a warm smile of affection and briefly clasp hands. Steve raises his eyebrows at Bucky’s metal arm. “Do you really need that if we're just goin' to the farmer’s market?” 

Bucky chuckles and shakes his head. “Naw. You're right.” He comes around the breakfast bar and offers his left side to Steve with a loving smile. “Why don’t you help me take it off?” 

Steve does, and he knows that they’re going to be alright.

Epilogue: 

Mary forms a relationship with Thor and falls in love with him. Darcy and Ian are just her friends, and they all wind up living together in one house, in a polyamorous relationship.

Mary texts Steve and Bucky starting a few days after her departure, apologizing for how she left, but that she knows it was for the best. All three of them maintain contact through texting and the occasional event at the CDP, and they all forgive each other and form an incredible friendship (so much so that sometimes even Thor gets jealous!)

Bucky and Steve entertain the idea of dating around for a potential third, but they eventually decide that they’re it for each other, and Bucky just uses the Pro subs at the CDP from time to time. 

All in all, they’re happy, and it’s very gratifying to know that they helped Mary get her life turned around. She even winds up opening her own little micro bakery not too far from their place, so Steve and Bucky can continue enjoying the delicious desserts she makes. 

Mary, Darcy, and Thor have an informal poly wedding ceremony (which Bucky and Steve happily attend), opting against a traditional marriage that would only recognize one of them, and within two years, both Mary and Darcy are expecting!

Bucky and Steve enthusiastically agree to be the baby’s godparents. The experience convinces them to pursue adoption themselves.

And after the Christening, everyone gathers at the CDP for a wonderful celebration … with loads of cheesecake.

Please don't hate me for this ending! I really think it's in the characters best interests and a more realistic ending for all three of them.

... And it's April 1st though, so ...

This wasn't a real chapter. And it's basically the only harmless prank I can play on anyone today, so. There you have it. Happy April Fool's day! (and 🤞🏻please don't unsubscribe in anger 😅)

And in case you're not a fan of pranks: well I'm writing the next (real) chapter today and (should be) able to post either tonight or tomorrow night, so don't fume too much! 🥰

[chaosgremlinmunson]

April fools?...🫣😳

Minors dni, smutty funny content ahead, 18+ only please!

Eddie had a plan. He was sure it was going to either be hilarious or he was about to die by either Robin Buckley or Steve Harrington’s hand by the end of the day, but he had a plan. First thing was first though, he had to get Chrissy on board, and that, he was sure, was about to be a challenge. However, as luck would have it she also thought it was a great idea. Well, she thought he was hiding the eggs in the appropriate room, but hey, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt right? Right? Ok, so maybe his platonic soulmate might also kill him, but no one could ever say Eddie Munson didn't commit to the bit.

He strolled into melvads on Friday morning grabbing bags of cheap plastic eggs, and snickered when he saw glitter as well, thought why not and tossed it in his cart as well. When he approached the counter the teenage cashier just looked at him for a moment, rolled her eyes and rang him up. He bought a couple disposable cameras as well, and headed back to his van making his way to his and Chrissy's apartment. When he came in she was sitting in the armchair, near her leg was a couple bags from their favorite fetish shop out in Indy and she grinned at him.

“You think Robin will finally get the clue I'm into her after her Easter gift?” She twirled her hair around a finger, and reached into her own bag laying out a baby blue corset and pointed to his bag, “don't worry I got the things you wrote down for yours.”

Eddie laughed, coming to sit beside her kissing her temple, “I think if anything, she's definitely going to have some thoughts after this.”

((smut under the cut))

They made a night of it going full on fashion show, boudoir shoot. Eddie trusted Chrissy for the more exposed photos, he wrapped himself in nothing but a sunshine yellow ribbon, accentuating every curve, and giving a full view to the thick swollen present he wanted Steve to have most of all.

The photos were developed that weekend, a friend owing him a favor, asking no questions, and Eddie got set to stuff the eggs. Half with photos, the other half glitter bombs. He waited for Tuesday when they'd have their weekly movie night, the one night they all collectively had a scheduled day off and came to Steve's and while Steve showered he got busy hiding the eggs around the house. He had practiced acting innocent when he was anything but, so no one was any the wiser when they all gathered. Robin found the first egg as she and Chrissy went to sit on the loveseat.

Robin looked at the egg confused for a moment before opening it, falling sideways while screeching and throwing the egg at Eddie's head. Steve came rushing over, leaned down to pick up the egg and his face went crimson seeing Eddie in a leather harness and assless chaps. He gulped and looked up at Eddie, and walked back to the kitchen to grab their drinks and then screeched himself, finding another egg Eddie had hidden.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” He said running out and handing the egg straight to Chrissy, refusing eye contact. She looked down to see the photo she's taken riding her toy in the corset, her face going red in embarrassment before standing up and tackling Eddie straight to the floor.

“Edward Nathaniel Kristof Munson! You said they would be hidden in their rooms and only Robin would see me, and that I would win my Birdy! You lied, you, dramatic, overgrown, wet cat! I'm burning your leather chaps, and your new yellow sparkle plug!” Chrissy had him pinned her hands gripping his hair not realizing the absolute bombshell she just dropped as Eddie yelped.

“Chris! Chrissy-bee, love of my life, queen of the world, most beautiful and wonderful best friend of mine, I did it for April fools! She still got to see! And at least this way you know she's going to see it!” He was wiggling under her trying to get away.

“I'm going to put bleach in your shampoo, I'm going to replace all your records with pop music! I'm going to tell Steve about the scrapbook!” She was screeching at him, her tiny frame hid how strong she really was and Eddie was starting to regret this idea. Then he realized, shit, they're still in the living room. All of this was said in front of both of their crushes. Dear God in heaven he did not think this through, at all. Chrissy seemed to come to a conclusion at the same time as Eddie did because they just made eye contact and both stared eyes wide before standing up slowly looking at the floorboards. Disaster gays, that's what they were. Jesus H Christ, Eddie just wanted to disappear and pretend this hadn't happened at all, but clearly now it was way too late. Steve grabbed his hand and his eyes went wide again as he led him into his room away from Robin and Chrissy, he pushed Eddie onto the bed and climbed into his lap pulling Eddie's chin up to look him in the eye.

“You couldn't just tell me the normal way huh? Had to be as dramatic as possible, had to be a little riot and get the blood pumping?” Steve emphasized the last bit by rolling hips down into Eddie's lap as he gasped, “I should make you wait for it. I should punish you for being such a bad boy and showing off. No one but me should have seen you that way.” He nipped Eddie's neck whispering into his skin, “As a matter of fact, I am. Robin is going to yours with Chris, and you Eddie, are going to go around this apartment and get every. Single. Egg. And you're going to open each one so that your photos end up only for my eyes, and Chrissy's will be set in Robin's room. Then you're going to clean my mess you make. And if you do a good enough job I might just let you have a treat.” He licked up the side of Eddie's face who shuddered and nodded, his hands gripping Steve's hips.

Steve slid off his lap and watched Eddie, an eyebrow raised in expectation before Eddie moved to start gathering everything. He opened every one over the trash, that way glitter didn't get anywhere and separated the photos like Steve asked. He rushed around cleaning the house, leaving everything as immaculate and clean as Steve typically had it and stood in the living room his hands clasped behind his back as Steve made his way through the house checking everything was done to his standard. When he came back to where Eddie stood he looked him over for a moment.

“On your knees.” He commanded and Eddie fell straight to his knees, thankful for the plush carpeting under his legs. His mouth was already watering as he looked up at Steve waiting for his next command, “open your mouth and stick out your tongue.”

Eddie rushed to comply and Steve placed his fingers into Eddie's mouth who immediately sucked them in as Steve inhaled shakily still keeping control, he reached other hand up to Eddie's mouth and brushed his fingers over his cheek.

“Was this what you needed? Something to shut you up, make you sink? Fall apart slowly?” He growled, he moved his hands up to Eddie's hair tugging at the strands before pulling him up to his feet and crashing their lips together. “Strip.”

Eddie hurriedly pulled his shirt off, he tripped over his pants but still rushed to get undressed and stood before Steve again who came up in front of him before making his way slowly around Eddie appraising him.

“You're doing so good for me. Such a good boy when you want to be, hmm?” He ran a hand up Eddie's thigh cupping his ass before smacking it once, “This what I need to do for you? Tell you what to do?” Eddie's eyes were fluttering and he was leaking down onto the carpet.

“I can be good for you, only for you. Please, Steve, please.” Eddie panted his hips quivering trying not to rut against the air.

“Do you think you've earned it?” He leaned into Eddie's space whispering in his ear tugging his hair again, “Do you think you deserve me to touch your pretty little cock yet?” Eddie whimpered, he knew he wasn't small but Steve being mean was making his skin light up in the most delicious ways.

“Please, I can earn it. I can be so good for you Stevie. Please, please, just tell me what to do.” Eddie whined.

“Bend over.” Eddie bent over the back of the couch where Steve had led him. “Use this, and open yourself up for me. Don't come until I say you've earned it. Be my good girl.”

Eddie keened high in his throat and got to work opening himself up in front of him, he arched his back and after a few moments was shaking, Steve pulled his hand away to look at his progress and put two of his own thicker longer fingers inside of him. Eddie screamed his name, his head whipping back and arching into the touch.

“So you can be good.” He said moving his fingers in and out quickly, just as he felt him clamping down close to release he stopped, all Eddie heard was the zipper of his light blue jeans and the schlick, schlick, noises of his pumping himself before he buried himself to the hilt bringing Eddie up against his chest, he placed a hand over his throat not squeezing, just resting and bite the junction just under his ear, “Ride me like a good girl Eds. Show me how badly you want it.”

Eddie groaned rolling his hips back against Steve as he felt him all around him, “fuck Stevie, I love you, fuck I love you.”

“I know Eds, I love you too. Now ride my cock like the whore you tried to be in your little photo shoot.” He squeezed his neck softly sucking his earlobe into his mouth rolling to meet his thrusts.

“Steve please, I'm so close, can I come please. Please, sir, please, please, please.” He begged, Steve growled and bit his neck, before slamming into him harder.

“Come on my cock, don't touch yourself.” He panted his rhythm getting sloppy but harder.

Eddie cried out clamping down hard on him, come painting across the back of the couch over the quilt Eddie had bought him for his birthday recently and Steve wasn't far behind.

As they came down Steve still holding Eddie in his arms as he softened he kissed over Eddie's neck, “You're still a little shit. But God, do I love you.” Steve breathed in between kisses, “I want you to be mine. Officially.” He said turning Eddie to face him.

“Stevie, I've been yours for longer than you've known.” He leaned and kissed his lips, “Happy Easter baby.”

[fanfic-the-wish-your-heart-makes]

What Gotham Fox Characters Are Like on April Fool's Day (Part 3: Oswald) 👻🤡💜😂

Oswald Cobblepot is so done with this. What a stupid holiday! "If people want to betray me, they should at least do so on another day! It's predictable, amateurs!"

To him, April Fool's day just means an insane amount of chaos. People destroying vehicles and warehouses, adolescents thinking they'll get away with sneaking into abandoned places to put graffiti all over the walls of buildings he has plans for: it's a mess!

Good thing that you're here to comfort him, to tell him that his crime is much more organized and smart than the small unexpected things happening all over the city.

Please don't prank him with anything mean, maybe best not at all. He's sensitive when it comes to loved ones lying to him, and he doesn't want to seem stupid in your eyes because of some stupid prank!

It's best to just lend him the support he needs. "You're doing amazing, Oswald, and remember: tomorrow the small criminals won't have the same opportunity of the police being distracted." "Thank you, my love. Why don't my clients get it like you do? It's as if they couldn't possibly see that this day's business is like on no other day." "I know, my love, I know. Just remember: if everything gets too much, we can spend the rest of the day together." "No! That would be unwise! I-I need to be present for at least four more meetings, it's nothin-" "Shh, I know, it's nothing personal. Maybe tomorrow then, hm, how does that sound?" "Wonderful, dove."

[kingethera]

Rule #34 by Fish in a Birdcage is going to spawn so many fanfic titles

[bunny-is-cute]

Meet the Newest Morningstar!

This is Osian Morningstar! He’s the younger brother of Charlie Morningstar

He’s the son of Lucifer and Alastor!

He has fawn/deer features and is the cutest little baby in all of Hell!

Art done by the amazing J1nxdo3sStuff on Twitter. Their Tumblr is also @iwillstealyourfamilycutely

[bellagrimfox]

BURNT CRUST AS FUCK

Yes, you read that title correctly. I have been putting off writing for almost a month, but I think it's finally time (and it's finally in google docs version). For those who are underrage or unfamiliar with the intenret, this story is going to be legendary for being the most brutal and disturbing pizza story ever written. It will give you nightmares, and will ruin Peppino Spaghetti forever. Enjoy🙂

Art was done by my lovely friend @somecartoonisttalkshere and expect the fic to be done sometime in April.

[shapeshiftinterest]

This Is Not The Princess You’re Looking For: bowser x luigi

one of bowser’s lines based on THIS

wanted a story where luigi’s in a dress but not as princess peach, kind of like in THIS doodle i drew

bowser comes to kidnap peach

she’s not here at the moment but why not talk to her cute brunet friend with the super short hair and pretty green dress?

story under the read more

This Is Not The Princess You’re Looking For (also on ao3)

‘There’s-a no way this is-a actually happening,’ Luigi thought to himself, dumbfounded. He watched Bowser flex an arm while continuing his exaggerated story about fighting Mario.

Mamma Mia this was happening.

A few minutes ago Luigi had been waiting for Peach in the Tea Room; she’d mentioned needing more time to prepare their snacks and Mario took the car because he forgot something at their house. Bowser had broken into the castle and landed right in front of Luigi.

It was a good thing the plumber was wearing one of his dresses today; it didn’t take long for the king to notice someone else was in the room after seeing a distinct lack of Peach. No, the real surprise came when said Koopa King, destroyer of castles, kidnapper of princesses, fighter of plumbers, looked the dress clad brother up and down...

...and started flirting with him.

Luigi was thankful he was wearing a mask because of a cold or Bowser would have noticed his jaw dropping. And the mustache, he guessed. Regardless, he could only mumble out that he was a foreign guest from far away when Bowser asked who he was.

‘Of course everyone knows who I am,’ he’d bragged, proudly puffing out his chest and thumping it with an equally large hand. Opening an eye to look down at the other, Bowser tilted his head to the side. He leaned down to take a white gloved hand in his and smirked, sharp teeth on display. ‘I’m a little upset Peachy girl never mentioned having such a cute friend though.’

A;LSKDFJ;ASD

Luigi coughed, choking on his own spit. Wow. Woooooow. He wasn’t sure if he was cringing or impressed; maybe both if he was being honest.

The green plumber waved the king’s concerned looks, stating that he just had a cold.

‘I could kiss you to make you feel better?’

That just started another, shorter coughing fit with Luigi rejecting the offer on the grounds that he didn’t want the king to catch his cold. Surprisingly, Bowser didn’t look like he was coming onto him with the suggestion. ‘Maybe it’s-a his solution whenever his kids were sick,‘ Luigi thought in between coughs.

‘Ahem, how do you know the princess again?’ Hopefully asking about Peach would be enough to buy some time before Mario came back.

Bowser lit up and immediately started talking about his (glorified) perspective of their adventures. He had to admit, it was interesting seeing them from a different point of view. Even if that point of view was peppered with a few cheesy pick up lines and saucy winks.

Speaking of...

Comfortable now that he knew Bowser wouldn’t try and incinerate him, Luigi yawned, stretching in his seat. He could hear the king’s speech falter before picking back up. Hmmm.

Focusing his attention back on the koopa, the green plumber adjusted his skirts and placed his elbow on the tea table, hand in cheek. He leaned forward towards the king and watched the taller man fumble his words when they made eye contact. Heh, he should probably stop before Bowser caught on.

“I hate to cut this short, Your Majesty, but I guess I’ll be going home now. Peach must’ve forgotten to tell me she was busy today.”

Luigi stood up and patted the imaginary dust off his skirts. “It was nice ‘meeting’ you though,” he said, smiling behind his mask.

“You can just call me ‘Bowser’ y’know. I could give you a ride home, easy peasy,” the king offered.

“Ha ha, no thank you. It wouldn’t do to go with a stranger now would it?” He winked. “I can just wait for my ride.”

Bowser blushed. “Right, right,” he coughed, awkwardly. Welp, if Peach wasn’t even here, he didn’t need to be either. Even if he wanted to keep talking to her friend in the pretty green dress. “Here’s my number, if you ever wanna be more than strangers.” Clawed hands pressed a business card with Bowser’s insignia on the front into his own and in a moment the king was gone, the sound of his clown car puttering off into the distance.

Luigi let out a breath. Oof, trying not to let his accent out was hard when you had a cold.

“Treats are ready~!” Peach sang out, gliding into the tea room; cart full of different pastries and teas pushed by Mario followed.

“Hey-a, bro! Did we-a miss anything?”

Luigi laughed and started telling them what happened.

BONUS:

bowser tells kamek what happened and kamek responds the way commander peepers did at the end of The Date from wander over yonder

hater: /talks about disguised sylvia and wander/

peepers, deadpan: you mean sylvia and wander in dresses

hater: ... WHAT?!?