#Anyway sorry for the rant I’m just having a terrible fucking day rn

[cryptid-on-a-string]

why is it that the friends that are actually nice to me are the ones that I barely ever get to see ???

[genxnarumi]

Ok little MH vent bc I don’t want to burden my friends with this rn lol but I’m on the verge of breaking down [pls skip if ur not doing well]

Every week I trust myself less & I keep putting off going to the drs for a referral because I moved and don’t know my new doctors and that’s scary but. It’s getting to a point that I really don’t have any control over myself anymore (again) n it’s like. How long am I going to do this to myself. Yeah meeting new doctors is scary but is risking my life worth it? Is being stubborn more important than ripping the bandaid off?

I’ve been so impulsive and self destructive, I engage in such risky behaviour again and it’s getting scary. I’m scared to tell my friends (save for one, love u girl) because on the outside I look like I have my shit together and also. I’m nearly 30. Can I get my shit together now???? I’m especially scared to tell my family bc they always end up scolding me for not asking for help. And they’re right. But. I also don’t want to get scolded. I scold myself 24/7 trust me I know

The worst is the paranoia and delusions have gotten so much worse too. I’m fucking scared everyone sees what I’m doing all the time. That someone is reading my messages and looking through my phone. Literally nobody would care to do that. But I’m so scared every day. I’m hearing things that I think might not be there… and sometimes I think something’s happened when it hasn’t, like there’s no evidence of it and I’m the only one who remembers. My nightmares are also terrible and gory again and this morning I literally didn’t understand how in the world my brain even came up with something so vile. N I can’t eat either. I’ve had like maybe 1 bowl of soup over the course of two days.

I’m scared ??? Friday night/morning nearly went awry and. If it wasn’t for my friend idk if I’d be here now. What was I thinking. Very ironic considering I always say I want to pass away but when push comes to shove, I want to live. I’m so scared of myself really just need to suck it up and make an appointment already because who knows if they even have help available right this instant. And I need to be back on meds….. I did ok for less than a year but clearly, right now, I don’t have a handle on myself at all. The cats deserve better, my friends deserve better, hell even my mutuals on any app whatsoever deserve better 😭 I am NOT at my best right now I’m kind of a bad person or at the very least questionable and. I just feel guilty

I need someone to kick my ass and make it hurt I want to be stable please someone make me normal and worthy </3

Anyways. Sorry. Rant over. I’m going to try to make an appointment tomorrow

[extratragic]

sorry i just saw a tweet & i need to rant (idk if it’s really a rant?) a bit

so this! yes!!!! there is a reason why the only people i’ve hung out with the last month are the girls i work with!

my two friends from high school go out almost every single night, stay out until 2/3 am, drink, go out to eat, etc. and they used to get so mad at me (tbh i think they still get annoyed) when i tell them that i need to work so i can’t go out. i can’t go out at 9 bc we will be out until 2 and i have to work the next day, most of the time in the morning. and they don’t just go out to see each other. they go out to drink. a lot.

and the thing that gets me is that they both are terrible at keeping jobs and i physically cannot understand how they both can afford to do this all the time??? but then i remember that both of their parents have money. they can fall back on them. they’re not rich, but they sure as shit have more money than my family does, and they just??? don’t even want to acknowledge that it’s true???

and i also blame my job very much because i am pretty much doing a managers job for not near enough pay. but because i am a people pleaser and hate confrontation, i’m still going it

i am getting much better at not going above & beyond tho cause fuck them

anyway i could go on and on about how much money i need to have and need to save rn but can’t because i am not getting paid enough and i’m too anxious to start a new job and i need friends who appreciate my time and literally me just being with them rather than trying to pressure me into drinking every single time i see them

[sunsinrinn]

Secrets Part 5.

Bakugo x reader, Bakugo x Uraraka, Kirishima x Reader

Fluff- ish, language, little angst

Word Count: 1,401

Idea: Y/n has a secret to share with bakugo not expecting a secret from him. She leaves heart broken and attempts to move on. But how will she move on if her secret can no longer be hidden? She fakes a relationship hoping its enough to not expose the true origin of the secret. (This is a terrible summary but I cant say much without spoiling future parts. 🙃)

“I feel scared but excited” Kirishima says nervously, “I am ready to be the best dad our baby could ever have”

Izuku and Shoto smile at his enthusiasm and nod, “I’m glad Y/n has you.. also now that I think about it. Does Bakugo now about the two of you?”

You nod, “Yeah.. He found out that day I twisted my ankle... Let’s just say he was furious”

They look at each other before Shoto speaking up, “So what are you both going to do with the rumor going around?”

You bite your lip as Kirishima answers, “Both of us are going to make a joint statement to clarify and take down the rumors.” You nod in agreement.

“I just wish I fucking knew who gave them the anonymous tip.” You say thinking of who could knowingly try to stain your reputation. It wouldn’t be Bakugo, right?

During that silence you check your phone and see that you have different notifications from your friends. You read over some and laugh at Kaminari’s string of incoherent texts,

“Kiri, did you also receive a fuck load of messages from our friends?”

He looks confused but checks his phone and notices that, he did in fact have a lot of messages and they kept coming.

“This anonymous bitch really left us in a pickle, I cant even relax in peace because someone decided to start a rumor, that by the way, is the opposite of what happened. To make things worse Ground Zero’s bitch ass didn’t even comment making me and Kiri look bad-”

“What do you mean its the opposite of what happened?” Izuku interrupts your rant.

‘Well shet.’

“Yeah soooo... um... He was the one that cheated on me... I caught him the day I was going to- to the store. I found him at his house with- with some skank and I stayed with Kirishima until I moved out which coincidentally was right beside him and you, Izuku.”

Shoto and Izuku look shocked and feel anger towards Bakugo. They both wonder why the hell he would cheat on someone as kind and loving as you.

“But I don’t care... I have Kiri now” you smile and look over at Kirishima who smiles and blushes.

“Well,,, Y/N sorry for bursting in here, we just wanted to know from you instead of believing the news.” Shoto says softly as he begins to walk towards the door.

“That’s fine shoto.” You pause before continuing, “Have fun boning. But dont be to fucking loud!” Izuku blushes and stutters but Shoto rolls his eyes and grabs Izuku practically dragging him out because Izuku stopped working You and Kirishima laugh as you see them leave.

“Well, that was something.” You nod and try and muffle a yawn.

“Y/N, lets go to sleep. We have an early day tomorrow as we will have to deal with the press and the announcement.”

You nod in agreements and walk to your bedroom to get ready for bed.

When you’re done Kirishima walks in to say good night but you pat the empty side of your bed, inviting him to sleep with you. He smiles and lays down beside you and instantly is tangled in between your limbs.

You awake the next day to find yourself alone, confused, you get up and and look for Kirishima. You find him all dressed up in his hero outfit and smile.

“Sorry Kiri but looks like you’re going to be the only one wearing a hero suit. There will be no way I will fit into my hero outfit. Not with this belly” You watch him laugh and reach out for your belly. He pulls you closer and puts his face right on your belly “I can’t wait until your born- uh... what are we going to call the baby?” He pulls away and looks at you.

“I- I don’t know... Do you have any suggestions?”

He shakes his head, “We should start thinking of some names”

You nod and lean down to kiss his forehead. “Let me go change into something and we can head out to your agency so we can get this announcement over with.” You lull away and change into a an outfit that accentuates your belly making it obvious. ‘No need to hide it anymore’ you think and walk out to find Kirishima had made a breakfast for both of you. You sit beside him and eat in a comfortable silence.

As it nears time for you to go you both rush to get everything and head out the door.

You both walk to his agency, where there is a crowd of paparazzi waiting and a Podium in front of them which you guess is for the both of you. Once they spot you they begin to bombard both of you with questions but you ignore them as you make your way up. You feel nervous but calm down when Kirishima holds your hand.

You both stand side by side behind the podium and the paparazzi begin quieting down so they can hear you speak.

You stand there silent making them wait in suspense because you’re feeling like a little shit rn. You take a deep breath and speak.

“As you all may know, we are having to stand here in front of you all because the news, got an anonymous tip. That tip was false. I never did cheat on Ground Zero with his best friend. Ground Zero and I were split long before Red Riot and I got together. Red Riot helped me heal and we fell in love. Yes, I will always love Ground Zero, but there was” You pause, “One thing he did that hurt me so much. I Hope to maybe forgive him in the future, but for now? Forgiveness is off the tables for Ground Zero.”

You look at Kirishima and he squeezes your hand giving you a proud grin.

You let the press and paps take in the informations before continuing, “I will confirm that the news only got half of the information right. I am pregnant. And yes I will be taking an indefinite leave in hero work. I will return when I find the right time after my- mine and Kirishima’s baby is born. I hope this clears shit up because I am so tired of-“ Your cut off by Kirishima. You back away from the podium and take a seat as he speaks

“Yes thank you for being here and I hope Y/n here was able to clear things up.” He turns his back to the podium and walks over to you. As you see him walk over to you you stand up and walk along side him to enter the building.

You ignore the press and pap as they shout out questions and make your way up to Kirishima’s office. You sit in his chair as he enters and pouts,

“Babe- you’re in my seat”

You make him feel guilty with your words, “oh...okay then,,, I’ll just stand here... pregnant.... without a seat.” You look at him and watch him stutter out, “OH MY GOD y/n, I’m so sorry baby no- no don’t get up. Stay seated. I forgot you were pregnant.” You laugh at him and speak, “Kiri how the hell can you forget I’m growing huge as the days go by? Anyways I have to go now, Mina wants to meet up to talk about the baby shower” You get up and kiss him goodbye, “I’ll see you soon kiri-babe”

“See you soon babe”

You walk out and head to the cafe you’re supposed to meet up with mina. When you arrive you see her waving at you excitedly.

“Y/N!” You smile at her and walk towards her. Before you can even sit down she begins talking about the baby shower and how it will take place during mid day. She had everything ready to go. How she planned it in less than 24 hours is shocking. But hey, its mina we are talking about. She tells you the day it will be on, which is a week from today. She even made a virtual invitation and a group chat for the invited. You thank her so many times and all she does is say

“If you want to show your gratitude, just make me the god mother of your baby!”

You chuckle nervously, ‘Oh crap-‘

SERIES MASTERLIST — Part 6

A/N- ANOTHER CHAPTER!!! I Hope you guys enjoys this! Also what should the baby’s name be? Im thinking of something gender neutral that works for both genders:)

If you’d like to be tagged in future parts or future works dont hesitate to dm, ask, or comment! I hope you guys had a lovely day today! Also if you asked to be tagged and I didnt tag you send me a dm so I can fix it :) also any tags in italics and bold, I couldn’t tag you :/ I’m sorry </3

Secrets taglist: @hero-ink-pillar , @silentw-lkr , @ushiwakatrash , @purple-rabanito , @chaelysian , @puppycat714 , @fake-id-69, @adaydreaminganon , @jessie9008

[sinisterhandsoap]

TURNS OUT MY ABUSIVE BROTHER IS MOVING IN WITH MY FAMILY IN OREGON

WOPPDY FREAKING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you would think i’d be happy about the whole occasion considering that every time even his name is mentioned I want to vomit. (tho one wouldn’t assume that because I bring him up often because I tend to hyper-fixate on my trauma). so an extra thousand miles (give or take) between us should be good right??  Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want my dear Oregon cousins who are in the know about what happened, in the presence of a master manipulator desperate to string a story if that means he can leach off their resources for as long as he can. HE ALREADY FUCKING DID THAT WITH MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN LA. MY MOM TOLD HER WHAT HE FUCKING DID, YET SHE TOOK HIS FUCKING SIDE. She even told me that she “completely understands the situation” and “what I need to do now to move forward is forgive him” SCREW YOU TO HELL AND BACK.   

wanna know what the worst part is?? those cousains up in oragon my be the only people who I could talk to who ACTULLY FUCKING GET IT. cuz it turns out, something similar happened in their family accept that time the brother actually went to fucking jail and actually took responsiblity for what he did. but for god knows what reason, they decided to take my brother in. who knows what he’ll tell them. I never really got the chance. 

MY ONE FUCKING CHANCE TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO GETS IT ... GONE 

FUCK HIM 

FUCK MY CURSED ASSED FAMILY HISTORY 

AND FUCK ME

IM SO FUCKING PISSED AND SAD AND LOST RIGHT NOW I WANT TO STAB SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF

and of course theres that thought again “oh SinisterHandsoap, you’re just over reacting to all of this calm the FUCK down and write the essay you’ve been procrastinating on for the past 5 days.” WELL FUCK YOU TOO BRAIN BC MAYBE I AM BUT I’M SURE AS HELL HOLDING BACK THE BEST I CAN FROM MAKING A BUNCH OF DUMB DESIONS RN. 

Lately for me the lines between predator and victim have been getting blurry. it’s all just fucked. My brother is a fucked up person who got fucked up from one thing or another. He just ended up fucking me up too. Now i’m fucked up and I don’t know how the fuck to deal with it. I’m a fucked up person just trying to live my life and I’m so fucking scared I’ll become him without even relizing it. I’ve already hurt a partner in the past on accident (and he was a dick bag). I literally think I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt my current partner, who BTW, is the first partner in my life to actually reciprocate my feelings both romantically and physically. IF I EVER HURT HER, SHOOT ME PLEASE.

anyway here's a new drawing I did of morass (made sure to give him extra ass)

sorry for the rant I just needed to vent. I don't really expect anyone to read this so if you just did, I am terribly sorry and goodbye.

[lowkeysebastianstan]

the day that bucky died

well, for me anyway, i see he’s alive and well with a lot of you, and as i did post-endgame, i envy you terribly.

i guess i still held out a small hope that the series could still awaken a spark in me, but after this i’m just... done. i mean first of all the ‘big’ trailer, which i thought was a trailer only for that series but then turned out to be for all three, but also... i don’t care? sure he looks like sebastian and only sebastian, which doesn’t help, but mostly, i just don’t care. if that character crashes and burns within the first five minutes of that thing, i’d just be, ‘eh’. i don’t know him, and worse, i don’t want to. 

the ending *shudders* comes back to me again, the way sam looks at bucky and bucky nods him along, a scene that says so much, not about the characters, but how little the creators cared about them, about us. sam getting the shield? excellent. sam being the one greeting steve after he returns? sure, he looks to bucky and he nods him on, but it’s just so??? this is sam. who knew exactly how much bucky meant to steve *lmao*, sam who witnessed steve’s reaction, his “heartbreak”, when steve realised bucky was alive and that he’d, unwillingly, sure, but still, left him to be tortured, to be used, to be broken, and the agony he went through. sam, who saw steves determination to reunite with bucky, to find him, saw how he scoured the earth for bucky because sam scoured it with him. sam, who saw how much bucky meant to steve *lmao*, saw the strength of that relationship, the deep bond of love, and recognised it because he shared the same with steve... he just went, eh surely this first meeting, the first words, should be about the succession of the mantle, about cap, not about steve, not about bucky, not about sam... yeah, i think that’s the scene that makes this whole concept fall completely flat. 

and ooohhh, finally they get to evolve their relationship, we get to see them become friends. but, we won’t? we don’t get to see any of that. that already happened, it happened off screen, it happened before aiw (unless they had a serious bonding session in the soul realm or tony’s fulneral was put off for a few months, it must have all happened post cacw/pre-aiw when the russos said steve spent some time in wakanda) they weren’t worthy or important enough for us to enjoy just a tiny bit of that, only let us have to fill in some serious blanks. they were even better friends than with steve i guess, bc they didn’t even stand with him, but then again, steve didn’t even mourn any of them in the five years so i guess that tracks. 

which is why i guess the first scene was about the shield, they both moved on from steve, or he moved on from them, they weren’t happy steve was back, i guess the shield was the last thing they needed closure on, and y’know, that was also a convo deemed not worthy of a few minutes screen time.

so what will they do? my guess? they’ll let sam have his time in the sun. in a television release. they’ll let him have an arc and a, hopefully, meaningful story. that also revolves around bucky, seems that they keep dangling the cheese in front of sebastian, but only there. bc when the big-budget hoopla comes back into town, when anthony mackie gets to be captain fucking america, they’ll just breeze past all that, bc they can, after all he got his time, he got his story, and now he can just be there as a token of their diversity, and goddamnit mackie deserves so.much.more. like... his story gets told alongside, and with as much importance as, other lesser characters, and a dead villain? 

and a dead driod i guess, im not minimising wanda’s pain, but c’mon, vision is fucking dead. and loki? idek, yes, i love tom, i love loki, but he died, a lot of time and lingering shots were spent on that, and idec that he was ‘redeemed’ he spent most of his screentime on the mcu fucking things up and killing people, sorry, i hated a lot abt aiw and endgame, but his exit was a few things they did right. but it tracks i guess, bc as m&m has repeatedly said, bucky is a villain too, i guess being tortured 3/4ths of your existence is just eh. 

SAM IS CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA AND HE DESERVES BETTER!

idk, it’s like with every beat marvel just keeps hammering the nail in deeper, takes any and all meaning out of these characters, they’ve already sucked them dry by showing us how little they mean, they’re not important, they’re not worthy, they don’t give a rat’s ass about them, they don’t care. and then they expect us to. 

i guess i’ll never stop caring though, i care enough that the loss of these fictional assholes break my heart, that the thought about bucky and what he’s meant to me makes me cry. rn actually. the loss of steve was peanuts in comparison, someplace along the end of the line sam came to mean so much more, bc atleast he stayed. and yeah, sam is amazing, he’s probably the best of them all, but bucky? i don’t think i’ve identified with a character so much. no other character has ever touched me the way bucky has, and i hate that they did this. to us, but i’m so selfish that, mostly just to me. 

okay. rant over for now, but knowing me there with be more bc rn i feel better letting it out (i’ve stopped crying and entertain a very soothing pure rage rn) but that will fluctuate in the next weeks and months i guess.

oh, and i still love bucky of old, to a lesser degree, but, and even if i avoid endgame like the plague i might still post, even make a set, bc both sebastian and mackie look hot af, they’re just not bucky and sam. i’m always down for some leather sebastian (even if since my vegetarian switch i’d prefer it was faux but what can you do. i’m cheap i guess.)

hope y’all are having an excellent day

[sojuu]

i woke up crying.

it was such a weird dream but i can’t help but believe that any dream i’m experiencing is truly reality and i end up facing it with the entirety of my existence, not a part of me knowing or even considering the fact that it’s all in my head. i hate it so much. i woke up crying and as it slowly sunk in that i was really just dreaming, i felt such a huge wave of relief like i used up the last of my shitty luck and somehow escaped into an alternate reality. anyone would think i had just dreamed of someone dying or something exceptionally terrible. but it wasn’t anything like that. just heartbreak. so familiar, yet it hurt, stung, and burned like the first time.

it’s been happening for a few days now and it’s something i’ve experienced before. i think somehow it’s a coping mechanism for my brain, which is always ( why do you do this ) thinking of the worst possible scenario for my heart and is trying to run through these enactments of heartbreak in the worst possible manner like some sick therapy or training that would somehow harden my heart and prepare me for the worst...or the inevitable. i’m not sure. i can’t say it’s ever worked though. i am still as vulnerable and fragile and prone to break down.

______________________________

in my first relationship, as i was saying goodbye to him before getting ready to return home from school before my summer internship, i asked him if this was a break or a break-up. his answer?

“whatever makes it easier.”

he looked sad but smiled anyway, the most gentlest i’d ever seen him throughout the entirety of our relationship, which was, in short, abusive. i ran to my friends’ apartment across the street and cried into their arms. they supported me and we watched moana to help me feel a bit better. i returned to my apartment later with puffy eyes, my heart a bit lightened. but i could slowly feel it sinking back into this bottomless sadness as i realized i wouldn’t see them for a bit. i felt alone and helpless, not knowing how i would deal with this emotional burden. i wanted it gone but i didn’t know how to get rid of it. i’m impatient. “it gets better with time” i didn’t want to hear it.

i went off to my summer internship in a new city. travelling and living alone in a new city is incredibly exciting but nerve-wracking. but i can’t deny that it helped to focus on something other than my broken heart. i arrived a bit earlier to move in and settle down, giving me some time to explore at my leisure. my room was small but the bed was set right up against the window, giving me tons of sunlight and an alright view of the city. i would watch the sun rise from the window many times as i either failed to sleep or woke up crying. for months.

_______________________________

it was the same feeling as back then. i had dreams that i thought were real until i woke up and saw the sun of a new city flood the room and greet me, assuring me it wasn’t real. except...it eventually did become real. i dreamed that he left me for another girl, someone i knew and was acquainted with. they were always close friends but it never bothered me because, well, i liked her too. and i trusted him. or wanted to believe i could. towards the end of the year though, i had suspected something was up because he told me to leave him alone so he could focus on his finals and applying to grad school. so i did, because your future and your career are important. i stopped messaging him and didn’t talk to him or see him for a week. the next time i did see him, he was watching netflix and laughing with her. i was furious. am i the crazy girlfriend? he hadn’t talked to me at all that week and yet, here i found him enjoying himself with someone else. ( wow typing this out, i really do sound like the crazy girlfriend lol. but dam, he was so shitty to me i ain’t about to discredit myself and give him anything rn. sorry but 2017 and 2018 me were wasted on u. i deserved better u misogynistic asshole with anger management issues who can’t even take care of yourself. i didn’t deserve being told to break up with you from your mom, being told racist things, how she didn’t like koreans coupled with him telling me his mom just wanted him to have a nice chinese girlfriend. fuck you. o shit i just got so angry so fast lmao. repressed much lol )

they eventually started dating the following school year. he had apparently sought after her throughout the summer and when the new semester began. and to think he had the audacity to ask me to be friends again after ghosting me the entire

different story. different time.

i can’t say my dreams were realistic in the slightest. they were over-dramatic and honestly would never play out in real life like they do in my head. but nevertheless, i had my heart broken tons of times that summer just from my own imagination. and just now, too.

he’s my second one. we’re in a bit of a weird spot but basically, we’re chillin. we did actually date for like a month at the beginning of the school year but...things happened. he’s been working the same job and living in this city for years and i’m about to graduate. basically, if we end up in the same city, we’ll start dating again. but if not, it’s over.

i’ve been feeling really shaky about all this because i hate not knowing exactly where i stand in his life and where he stands in mine. we’re not dating but we’re not just friends, either. and i truly thought i could have a future with this guy. i still do, to some degree. but i feel like it’s too early to be thinking about stuff like that. i gotta graduate and get a job first lol. and i guess you could say the easiest solution to all this is to just find jobs in the same cities, which is basically what we’re doing right now. but i’m kinda having a mental breakdown about my career, what i actually want to do, my chance of even getting a job with all this shit happening, etc...

wow the more i write the more ridiculous i sound to myself. i think since it’s been like an hour since i woke up, my sad feelings have like dissipated or something lmao. idk. i feel better but also like...disappointed in myself? i think i just need a therapist to be honest. i thought i was over all the shit that happened in my previous relationship but clearly not. my brain is sabotaging itself with this weird dreaming heartbreak training again because that’s just the shitty way it works. but that doesn’t mean those two people in my life are the same. am i exhibiting the same behavior because i see similarities between them or because i just don’t know any other way to cope? because they are definitely very different people. it’s just...they both broke my trust. i guess that’s one similarity. did it involve other people? yeah. another similarity. hmm, maybe i’m not that crazy after all. i always feel like i overthink and overreact. and i do. i honestly do and i can acknowledge that. but typing this out, i can see why my brain would return to the same coping mechanism.

i should just end it. if i’m having thoughts about him like this, if my trust in him isn’t what it used to be, then maybe this just ain’t it...is what i’ve been thinking at the back of my head for a while. but am i giving up on something that could be? relationships are hard to make work, even good ones. they require trust and work both ways, i know that. communication, understanding, sympathy, vulnerability...all those things and even more. and yet, i can’t really ask for any of that right now since we’re not even at that point. we’re not dating. we’re just chillin. friends with benefits? maybe. but there are definitely strings attached since we, uh, did actually date at some point. idk. i can still see a future with this guy but maybe not now maybe in like...a few years? when i figure out a better way of handling myself? when i get a therapist? when the rest of my life is a bit more figured out? when this virus isn’t wrecking my motivation, mental state, grades, productivity, etc.?

idk man

i just wanted to write down what i dreamed but it ended up being a rant anyway.

i dreamed that he showed me a song. it was kinda like a love song? and we sang it together. and then he told me was gonna sing it to another girl and had all these things prepared to confess to her. i was confused. i thought we were dating. i thought we were together? was this a different timeline? we had a hangout place. it was shaped like a huge glass bottle but twisted towards the top. i cried and ran into the glass bottle building and up the twirling staircase and sang the song. he followed me and gave me a hug while i was crying. there’s an abandoned shopping cart outside of the building. i don’t know why. he goes back downstairs and leaves. i am devastated and crying and singing the song. and then i wake up.

i don’t even remember what the song sounded like.

i feel more normal now. i really need to take a shit tho.

[pinksausageduo]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K+

IM SCREAMING WTF YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING genuinely can’t believe i have more than 1000 of you actually liking my blog to the point of following me??!!! I have really bad updates LIKE REALLY BAD like for 2 and half months i’ve been on tumblr i’ve probably only been posting for 1 month and a bit. AND THE FACT YOU STILL ALL LIKE MY WRITINGS AND FOLLOW ME IS CRAZY!! i seriously mean it when i absolutely adore each and everyone of you following my blog like i love you guys so so much. and please don’t be afraid to ever talk to me whether it’s on anon or message whether it’s about how annoying your life is, ranting, my writing, advice, questions, literally anything. i just love you guys sooooo much like wow i never even expected more than 100 followers like i’m mind blown.

so since it is a milestone and usually most blogs do something, i did prepare a present for my followers and another one for my mutuals because i love you all.

FOR MY FOLLOWERS: A NEW SERIES!!!!!

i know i have still my enemies to lovers series that i need to complete and i will do that but there will be a new series and YOU GUYS GET TO CHOOSE which one I write first either;

Heirs 

located in an expensive private school, wanna one is known as the Heirs. they’re all extremely rich, good looking, talented and basically the kings of the school. each guy will have a girl that catches their eye, those girls will be you! from the quick witted and sassy scholarship student to the extremely rich ice princess who no one wants to even approach to the shy sweet nobody, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the heirs??

Bodyguards

wanna one is a team of bodyguards assigned to people who need protection. over the years each and every one of them finds themselves falling for someone on the job. but falling in love isn’t part of the job or is it? they’ll fall for you! from the president’s daughter to another intelligence agency’s spy to even a princess, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the bodyguards??

HOW TO CHOOSE

message me by kkt or tumblr

comment below

reblog with which one

choose in poll : https://goo.gl/forms/G4GrlZEfOPL30jnP2

CHOOSING WILL CLOSE IN AROUND 2 WEEKS ON 11/11/17 

please vote!!! i’ll love you all forever if you do!!!! 

FOR MY MUTUALS/PEOPLE I ADMIRE & FOLLOW: FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS/DESCRIPTION

WANT TO GIVE OUT A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY MUTUALS AS WELL AND IT’LL BE KINDA A FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS (it’ll be long asf (like REALLY long) so i’ll put it under keep reading) this will be in all three person sorry :( 

EVERYONG: i love y'all sm we all so so crazy and we occasionally talk about writing but eh it’s really just a mess but making our gc was one of the best decisions i made on tumblr AND IM SO SORRY if i don’t have you down below but i’m giving you all my love and appreciation rn here!!! BUT JUST LOVE YOU ALL!!

FIRST OF ALL SHOUTOUT TO DIAMOND @woojiniee FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO START THIS BLOG I WOULDN’T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU. lol it’s weird how my blog started from helping you w your english homework on harry potter lmao. i genuinely love you so so much and i admire you, your works and your blog and just thank you for everything!

ALSO A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO JAS @perkwoojin!!!! MY ABSOLUTE LOVE AND MY BEST FRIEND!! jas you’ve been here for me whether it’s irl problems or tumblr problems and you’ve never judged me for anything i’ve done. you are so so so special to me and i just love you soooo much i genuinely can’t imagine not meeting you on tumblr. we hit it off right from the start and we’ve only gotten closer. while the time difference may be annoying we still talk often and just thank you so much for always being there for me, love you loads!!!

MY SENPAIS (the people who inspired me to write and start this blog, i would literally check your blog for updates everyday before starting this blog) :

@imagineproduce101 genuinely think carina is the queen of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom, she’s blessed us with so many fics on such a regular basis i’ve never talked to you personally and you probs have no idea who i am but just want to say thank you so much for inspiring me to write, your fics always made me feel so soft and fluffy i wanted to make other people feel that way so thank you!!! 

fic recs: rivals (pleaseee do pt 2), what are you waiting for, let me love you, banana milk love, red bull, new beginnings, all of mafia aus, all of hp aus, all of vampire aus 

@woojiniee i’ve already mentioned diamond^ but gonna mention her again cause she is one of my senpais LITERALLY SOOOO GOOD WRITING LIKE WTH PLEASE LET ME LIVE she’s less busy now so IM WAITING FOR UPDATES GIRLL but seriously check out all of her fics will not be disappointed

fic recs: alpaca boy saves the day, crushing on you, jaehwan soulmate au, dating a park at a park

@wanna-request-one​ such great paragraph writings mine will never live up to theirs writing is so amazing just so great if you want detailed long writing the best blog to go to all of them are AMAZING WRITERS congrats on 1.8K!!

fic recs: seongwoo soulmate, seongwoo brother’s best friend, jaehwan college, I HATE YOU IM YOUNGMIN (literally so in love w this fic)

@wanna-one-scenarios amazing writer!!! so so so niceeee she’s starting college rn so v busy i miss youuu we never get to chat but its okayyy BUT LIKE SHIT WRITING IS SOOOO ON POINT LIKE WTH just go through her whole master list won’t regret it

fic recs: DANIEL PRINCE AU!!! (like if y’all haven’t read this missing out on sm), jongyun father au, sewoon enemies to lovers au

@wannaonestars love reading her writing such great bullet points and really good ideas ALSO SO JEALOUS that like short bullet points BUT CAN MAKE ME FEEL SO FLUFF like that is a skill ppl 

fic recs: all of boyfriend series (like so fluff) ESPECIALLY SEONGWOO’S, jihoon soulmate, minhyun office au

@jsioos (was heochannies) MEIKE IS SO PRETTY AND NICE AND AN AMAZING WRITER LIKE WHAT HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLESSED has such a diverse range of works from scenarios to mtls to reactions so genuinely impressed with her blog like goals

fic recs: all of boyfriend series FOR EVERY SINGLE GROUP like she’s amazing at those, and movie night with seongwoo

@ukulelewrites ALSO LONG ASS FICS AMAZING BLOG seriously such amazing writing love so many fics of hers DESERVES MORE ATTENTION AND FOLLOWERS and super sweet as well 

fic recs: cherry picker’s club, a fanta-sea, homerun and ephiany (it’s nct ten BUT SUCH AN AMAZING FIC NEED TO PUT IT ON HERE)

@kanggdaniell STEPH IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO NICE AND RLY BUSY AS WELL but amazing writer just love her writing so much she isn’t as active as before but still should definitely check out master list cause so many amazing scenarios

fic recs: TSUNDERE (FUCK FUCK READ IT RN BEST SERIES FOR ME ON TUMBLR WOOJIN STANS COLLECT YOUR BOI), always in my heart, all of breakup scenarios, all of bad boy scenarios

ANOTHER SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO IRIS AKA @alliwannado-w1 LITERALLY RELATES W ALL MY WRITING PROBLEMS ON A PERSONAL LEVEL IS THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HER WORKS, BLOG AND FOLLOWERS I LOVE HER WRITING AND ADMIRE HOW DEDICATED SHE IS TO POST SO REGULARLY just i rly should stop writing in caps but like just genuinely she is the princess of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom and she’s just so so amazing and all her writings are always so much fun to read like i love her so much but like no offence iris but you’re fucking crazy in the best way possible like to have so many wips like GIRL YOU NEED A BREAK 

fic recs: FUCKBOY SERIES (iris got all her fame from here lol jk), daniel werewolf au, jihoon soulmate au, jihoon vampire au, woojin youtuber au, woojin policeman au, jinyoung barista au, sewoon soulmate au, youngmin youtuber au gonna stop there cause i’ll be listing her whole master list soon ;)

AMAZING WRITERS (just to give heads up have liked these recommended fics on another private account so if you like look at the likes and i’m not there that’s the reason):

@daehwifi​​ GENUINELY LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH AND THEY’RE BOTH RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED and hella sweet like cutest married couple ik TIFFY thank youuu for always making me smile and MAE for being the sweetest angel but YOUR WRITING IS ALSO HELLA GOOD like great bullet point fics and regular updates 

fic recs: bandaid guanlin scenario, movies ongniel scenario, skype calls jinyoung scenario 

@deepdickdaniel​​ ARIANE EVERYONG GC MOTHER (aurora’s dad now) and the ultimate HOE for daniel but got guys chasing after her constantly SMH and all our gc is beautiful because of your genes ANYWAYS you’re also a good ass writer and if anyone wants bomb ass daniel fics FOLLOW ARIANES BLOG YALL

fic recs: doormat, all her soulmate aus especially taste, hiking w daniel

@dong-hyucks​ oKAY so jade has only like one fic on wanna one BUT SHE’S SUPER TALENTED AND SHE DOES SO MANY GROUPS like mutlifandom ASF AND I LOVE HER ALOT 

fic recs: daniel soulmate au, na jaemin spy au, i’m with you taeyong

@donghyxns​​​ IF YALL WANT MXM SCENARIOS/CONTENT THIS SHIT IS RIGHT HERE also has a lot of wanna one scenarios but maddie is the biggest donghyun fan ik and super sweet even though we haven’t talked much!

fic recs: royalty au donghyun, actually all the royalty aus,  TIC TOK WOOJIN SOULMATE AU, youngmin as your boyfriend

@ennergetics​​ RAE my favourite drunk aunt ever like super funny and nice and talking about bts is always great with you RAE YOU ALSO LIKE AN AMAZING WRITER and make me feel all sorts of stuff when i read your works

edit: fuck me im so sorry rae lmao idk if it was the fact i wrote this at 3am or I'm terrible speller originally or it was auto correct IDEK BUT ILYSM DONT HATE MEEEEE

fic recs: bad first dates, prince aus, woojin college/barista au

@fromwannaone​​ ANNIE A COMPLETE UTTER SWEETHEART WITH WRITING SKILLS which put me to shame and fic ideas are always sooo good too just fuck meeeee i love youuu and your writing 

fic recs: ALL HER SCHOOL SERIES which is like all members basically sooo, on rainy days, sweet like candy

@hiyawoojin​​ RISSAAAA MY BABY MY PRECIOUSSSS I WANT TO PROTECT YOU AND HUG YOU AND LOVE YOU FOREVER but genuinely rissa is the sweetest person ik on tumblr and her sweetness is as equal to her writing BUT SINCE SHE’S A NEWBIE EVERYONE GIVE HER LOVE

fic recs: ALL OF THEM since there’s about 4 but i like the woojin and the minhyun in particular hehehe

@hwinkinghwi​​ XUAN WE BONDED INSTANTLY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH and we talk about the weirdest things but it’s still heaps of fun and xuan has short sweet bullet point fics which will warm your heart

fic series: both baejin fics: chicken first cuddles later, florist jinyoung, baker woojin, ___ as your boyfriend (all of them)

@jeonjeonggukks​​ I LOVE ALEX SM SERIOUSLY SO SO SO FUNNY LIKE WTH and sooooo easy to slander BUT SHE IS MY MOTHER (well one of them) AND I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH AND SHE’S ALSO AN AMAZING ASS WRITER so y’all should read her writings

fic recs: shipped jonghyun scenario, our necklaces sungwoon soulmate au, why her why him woojin

@jihoonslattee​​ AHHH WE JUST STARTED TALKING CHI BUT I ALREADY LOVE YOU AND JUST WOW YOUR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE WISH I COULD BE YOU AND HAS SOOOO MANY FICS DONE LIKE IM SO IMPRESSED wow i did that in all caps but like JIHOON STANS WHO WANT JIHOON FICS like chi’s blog like 100% recommend also does reactions SO CHECK HER OUT 

fic recs: jihoon prince au (this was sooo good), daniel CEO both parts, seongwoo boyfriend au, jihoon soulmate au

@mongniel​​ AURORA OUR SALTY ASS MOTHER/FATHER who leaves us regularly and is a daniel seongwoo stan (she says so at least) BUT LIKE GOTTA APPRECIATE HER ABILITY TO MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH SHIT WITH HER ANGST also if y'all love angst daniel fics AURORA’S BLOG IS THE ONE FOR YOU

fic recs: BROKEN RECORD (heart BREAKING), no chance no way, in his dreams, no answer

@peachiejihoonie​​ SAYS IN DESCRIPTION SHE’S BAD AT WRITING BUT THAT’S RIDICULOUS her writing is sooooo good like not too many fics up BUT ALL OF THEM ARE AMAZING like what??

fic recs: demigod series, daniel fuckboy 

@perkwoojin​​ IVE ALREADY MENTIONED JAS CAUSE SHES MY ONE ETERNAL LOVE but genuinely wtf so talented I AM SHOOK she does EVERYTHING like gifs, reactions, scenarios AND SHE HAS TWO OTHER BLOGS for the boyz and stray kids fans CHECK THOSE BLOGS OUT TOO

fic recs: basically everything but in particular wanna one as prom dates, wanna one reacting to you how to solve a rubix cube, and all her series which include: boyfriend, fallen angel, AND check out woojin badboy pt 1 & 2 and now ive literally listed her whole master list whoopss

@playfuldisaster​​ CHRISTINE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART LIKE WOW genuinely like an angel AND I LOVE TALKING TO HER but she also has so many works up! WHICH NEED MORE ATTENTION cause they’re so good

fic recs: and i’m here seongwoo, attention baejin, my boy lollipop baejin, sorry kang daniel

@producedwannaone​​ SO UNDERRATED LIKE WHAT HOW EVERYONE WAKE UP also honey I NEED A MASTERLIST like need to stalk your blog easily yooo but seriously such a great writer and a sweetheart x 

fic recs: wanna one seeing their donsaeng in their t shirt, naps with guanlin

@starrywinters​​ SHEENA YOU HAVE SHARED MY PAIN OF HAVING SEONGWOO AS A BIAS WRECKER but like other than that you mean so so much to me you are positively brilliant in every single way AND DON’T TELL YOURSELF OTHERWISE seriously AND IT INCLUDES YOUR WRITING SKILLS 

fic recs: cute bandaids, minhyun college au, 7 minutes in heaven jihoon, hugs woojin, guanlin soulmate/vampire au

@wannabeone​​ just dammnnnn girl your writing is SO GOOD LIKE WHAT?? always makes me feel all nice inside just love reading your works fic recs: all of best friend lovers (like you will not be disappointed), kissing cuddling hugging wanna one

@wannamoon​​ JUJU IK YOU’RE ON HIATUS AND YOU HAVEN’T REPLIED TO MY MESSAGES CRI but i miss your baejin fangirl squealing and your posts which will be filled with sadness cause it’s you lmao BUT COME BACK SOON I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU but juju has such a good mix of fluff and angst fics and super unique and heart warming ideas

fic recs: crumble both parts guanlin, ALL HER LIFE AUS LIKE FUCK SUCH GOOD FLUFF, halcyon seongwoo, jihoon soulmate au

@wannaonescenarios​ SERIOUSLY SUCH GREAT SHORT FLUFF WRITINGS LIKE WHAT HOW I WISH and has a long ass masterlist WHICH IS AMAZING TO GO THROUGH just like go right now to her blog amazing writings IS AVAILABLE

fic recs: SOULMATE AU SERIES, dating series, college series (even tho it’s only youngmin), daniel cat cafe owner 

@wannasoftimagine​​ OMG SUCH AMAZING FICS BUT DOES ANYONE KNOW PHI WENT?? like she hasn’t updated in 2 weeks? or replied to messages? like does anyone know?? but if she’s on an hiatus without mentioning well idrk but phi’s works make me feel so so soft like super duper fluffy and always read them for a cheer up 

fic recs: ALL SOULMATE SERIES, classmate woojin, boyfriend woojin, and all of wanna one _____

@wannasseu​​ CYN CYN OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE CYN IS THE QUEEN OF ANGST if anyone says otherwise FITE ME drown in my tears whenever i read one of her angsts WHICH IS LIKE ALL THE TIME ugh cyn what are you doing to me BUT CONTRARY TO THE ANGSTY FICS SHE WRITES cyn is such a FLUFFY person 

fic recs: ALL HER EX BOYFRIEND SERIES especially seongwoo’s (i ranted to cyn for a straight hour about that fic lol), custard kisses, arranged marriage 

@wannatales​​ GREAT SHORT FLUFFS THAT YALL WANNA READ RECOMMENDING FOR STANS OF MAKNAE LINE since writings are only maknae line works always makes me feel all fluffy and gooey insideeee

fic recs: JACKET GUANLIN (fuck such a cute scenarios can’t deal), fool woojin, milk jihoon

@wannawrite​​ SO MANY FICS FOR SO MANY FANDOMS but like the wanna one master list IS HELLA LONG haven’t ever talked to admin N BUT I LOVE YOUUUUU LAETITA DATITA RISEEEE (is that how to spell it i can’t even remember) BUT ANYWAYS soooooo good fics like always love reading them just genuinely great writings 100% of the time

fic recs: FLOWER BOY SERIES LIKE YESSS, vamp series, i latte you very much minhyun, bffs to bf daniel, colourless soulmate au woojin, this isn’t part of the plot guanlin

@wanna-17​​ CATH OMG MY OLDER FUTURE TWIN IDEK i love you so so much and chatting you is always fun BUT you have so many mtls like wow I'm mind blown BUT YOUR FICS ARE ALSO SUPER GOOD 

fic recs: wanna one first meeting series, and any of the mtls you want to know about

@whatabrightplace​​ AHHH TINA PLEASE PLEASE WRITE FOR WANNA ONE YOUR WRITING IS ALREADY AMAZING AND DON’T BE SCARED JUST TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH wow I'm being rly dramatic but idc i want to see you produce wanna one writing content (did you see what i did there ;) ) ANYWAYS i also wanted to tell you i love youuuu

fic recs: HER RECENT DANIEL SCENARIO FUCK stars + you for our precious mother ariane and basically everything on her masterlist even tho it isn’t wanna one or pd101

@101scenes​​ JUST CUTE ASF SCENARIOS (at least the ones i’ve read) got me squealing and SOFT like such great writing 

fic recs: LATTE ART daniel scenario, guanlin soulmate au, ceo jihoon

TEXT BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re texts and it’s harder to choose specific ones):

@laignlin​​ LILY I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU MORE LIKE TIME DIFFERENCE AND SCHOOL SUCKS but our chats are always the best and it’s always hella nice talking to you BUT YOU’RE ALSO A GREAT WRITER AND AMAZING TEXT MAKER so i ended up putting you in text author lol also IM STILL YOUR PROM DATE but everyone just read through all of lily’s texts and scenarios cause they’re all on point asf

@pwjins​ I GENUINELY ADORE ALLISON BUT SHE HATES ME AND WE HAVE THIS BITCH FEUD THING GOING ON BUT WHATEVER I LOVE HER ALOT AND IK YOU GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME AND NEED A BREAK BUT LIKE I’M HERE FOR YOU TUMBLR HERE’S FOR YOU but i love allison’s texts they always make me smile and laugh and like my heart literally warms SHE ALSO WRITES occasionally so check those out and i don’t have any in particular but like the gc texts are always good and the CHANGING THE NAME LIKE LMAO that’s also amazing just check it all out BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALLISON 

@texts101 YOUR TEXTS ARE SOOOO GOOD JUST THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR MAKING THEM like they never disappoint I LOVE the best friend, boyfriend, gc and name switch texts the most BUT LITERALLY ALL OF YOUR TEXTS ARE AMAZING and ik you taking a hiatus now SO PLEASE TAKE A GOOD REST AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL and don’t stress at all cause all your followers will still be here and ready for your return

@w1talks ANGELA IK YOU DO SCENARIOS AND TEXTS but the scenario list was getting WAYYY TOO LONG to put you there anyways I LOVE YOUR TEXTS AND YOUR SCENARIOS your writing is amazing but your texts are also great LIKE MULTI TALENTED MUCH and I ABSOLUTELY ADORED wanna one finding you went on a date with jinyoung BUT I ALSO ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUUU

INCORRECT QUOTES BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re quotes and there are hundreds):

@incorrect-produce101-quotes​ SUPER DUPER FUNNY and like totally could imagine your quotes being said by the guys and love how there’s a lot of the pd101 guys as welll 

@incorrect-wanna-one-quotes​ you were one of the first blogs i followed and your quotes NEVER fail to make me at least smile like i have properly cracked up laughing on multiple occasions because of your quotes and i just feel like my day becomes a little brighter when i see you on my dash

TALENTED ASF GIF MAKERS:

@daewi​ just really nice and cute gifs which are soooo aesthetically pleasing together also all your reblogs are just great AND I ADORE YOUR HS YEARBOOK AWARD THEMES 

@defsouldanik​ LITERALLY IM IN SUCH AWE OF YOU LIKE THE GIFS YOU MAKE IS ALWAYS LIKE THE MOMENTS I WANT GIFFED?? and like all your got7 content makes me happy as well and just THE QUALITY IS SOOO GOOD AS WELL

@kimsjaehwan​ ONE OF MY ULT FAV GIF MAKERS always gifs are so nice and the gifs are always hella good quality just always makes me smile when i see them 

@kngniel​ YOU WANT BASICALLY PERFECT GIFS OF DANIEL HERE IS THE BLOG FOR YOU genuinely so many gifs you’ve made of him smiling and just MAKES ME FEEL SOFTTT 

@ongeuigeon​ SUCH AMAZING GIFS WTF like the gifs in a set always match perfectly with each other in every way AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ADD YOUR OWN LITTLE COMMENTS IN it always make the gif that much better 

@parkswoojin REALLY NICE GIFS and like you regularly make new ones so thank youuu for that and just really nice quality AND IN GENERAL A GREAT GIF BLOG TO FOLLOW

@park-woojin​ I LOVE YOU JUST FOR EXISTING AND MAKING WOOJIN GIFS LIKE all of your gifs are so nice and clean and great ass quality AND SINCE ITS WOOJIN i always smile my ass off whenever i see any of your gifs 

@rosybaejin AMAZING ASS GIFS LIKE WOWOOWOWOWOW mind fucking blown y'all AND also in general amazing blog to follow great baejin content

@sungwhoon really pretty high quality edits and gifs AND LIKE THE COLOURS ALWAYS LOOK AMAZING just so nice to look at your gifs

@woojinnies WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU IN THIS FANDOM genuinely believe you are a staple piece of creating gifs in this fandom YOUVE MADE SOOOO MANY AND THEY’RE ALL SOOO GOOD like you have A GIFT just thank youuuu for making your gifs 

OTHER GREAT BLOGS:

@boo-jinyoung​​​ summer you’re an amazing ass dancer like woah and totally a baejin stan even tho you deny it CONSTANTLY and you are a  complete sweetheart everyone follow for HELLA GOOD jinyoung and guanlin content 

@crystalkpop​ I LOVE YOUUU THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR BEING ONE OF MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND LIKING/COMMENTING MY WORKS JUST I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH

@dearlydaehwi AMAZING DAEHWI CONTENT LIKE DAMN like i love seeing the smol soft bean and you DELIVER like all daehwi stand should follow you just daehwi overload in the absolute best way possible

@extraongdinary LITERALLY PROVIDES ALL THE SEONGWOO CONTENT I NEED and reblogs good ass content SO HAPPY ASF leah ily even tho we’ve never talked you just ultra great 

@fywannaone​ JUST THANK THE LORDS FOR YOU best updates such great pictures literally don’t need to follow any other blogs cause like SO FAST just constantly blessing me with wanna one content SO THANK YOU 

@ricepot-jisung​ I KNOW YOURE A WRITER BUT I HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO READ YOUR WORKS which i bet are amazing AND TBH JUST FOLLOWED YOU BECAUSE YOU REPOSTED GOOD ASS CONTENT AND SEEMED SUPER NICE AND PERSONAL POSTS WERE RELATABLE ASF (whoops wrote all that in caps) 

@soft-baejin BRI we’ve barely talked since i’m never on the gc but you’re super duper sweet and nice and also have a really nice blog and you reblog really good jinyoung content and great content in general 

@wooh00jin SUPER SWEET and adores woojin great ships and i bet you have so many flooding in when ships are open cause you put so much detail into them and GREAT WOOJIN CONTENT  

@asongofmagicandtime | @sewnho | @lai-panlin | thank you for always being nice to me on the gc and I'm sad its not as active as before but all three of you are SUCH SWEETHEARTS and have GREAT ASS CONTENT on your blogs

MY FAVOURITE MUTUALS/CLOSE FRIENDS (which have not been mentioned above or i just felt like putting you here lmao):

@danielsoftgf​ DIAN YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME NO MORE SENDING GIFS OF KOOKIE TAE N WOOJIN LIKE YOU RLY WANNA KILL ME but you so so soft for daniel it’s sweet but also so easy to exploit hehehe but i can see seongwoo just around the corner ;) but genuinely love your blog it’s so so so nice and chatting with you is the best I LOVE YOUUUU

@hyuckland​ OKAY IK WE JUST STARTED TALKING TINA AND I HAVEN’T GOT THE CHANCE TO STALK YOUR BLOG YET so i can’t really properly comment on anything BUT ONE THING I CAN is that you’re an absolute sweetheart and you made me feel SO MUCH BETTER with your messages BUT IK WE’RE GONNA BECOME HELLA CLOSE 

@jaehwansspookywife LUCY LUCY LUCY you are the funniest person ever you are so nice and sweet and hilarious and conversations never get boring w you we don’t talk THAT often but when we do i always genuinely enjoy it love youuuuu ALSO OBSESSED W JAEHWAN DON’T LET HER i don’t think he’s cute FOOL YOU

@kpopsincejune07​ JEN I LOVE YOU you were one of my first fans and you’ve been a huge supporter ever since AND WE BECAME CLOSER and talk when our stupid time zones all us lol and please don’t stress about work and take care of yourself also thank you for always reposting great fics BUT IM WAITING ON YOURSSS PLEASE PLEASE POST YOUR FIC i am waiting till this day for it ily

@ongsecngwoo​ GINNY MY LOVEEEEE i always love talking with you our conversations are always good and hella fun even tho we end up replying hours/days after EH ITS TIMEZONES but also i love your blog it’s so pretty AND THE CONTENT YOU REBLOG just yes yes yes also DONT STRESS ABOUT SCHOOL TOO MUCH AND YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF but also you haven’t replied to my messages in ages so i hope everything’s okay?? i just love you loads :)))

@parkkwoojin ace we don’t talk as much as before but I STILL CARE AND LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH you’re soon easy to slander but since i promised to be sweet i’m being sweet hehehe BUT GENUINELY YOU POST BOMB ASS GIFS AND ALWAYS IMPRESSED BY THEM and your gifs of woojin OOFT MY HEART DIESSSS just thank you for existing

@porkjeojang SUMMER OMG SUMMER YOU ARE SUCH A SOFT SWEETHEART WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH but you can also be one HELL OF A BITCH sometimes ya know?? also she says she’s loyal to jihoon but IVE SEEN HER EYEING DANIEL UP but she super multi talented making pixels, gifs, mood boards and writing scenarios LIKE TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS but i love you so much and without you my dashboard wouldn’t be complete

@spooky-jihoon NAIA IK WE AIN’T THAT CLOSE BUT YOU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST MUTUALS I TALKED TO sooo i put you here hope you don’t mind I MISS YOU A LOT you’re a literal angel AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED JIHOON FAN I KNOW like jihoon content right here ppl right here and ik you won’t see this after your hiatus BUT I LOVE YOUU 

@wannabl​ okay hana we haven’t talked in fucking ages cause i felt like you just didn’t really want to chat ya know? especially cause you’re so so busy w irl stuff but like i do really really miss you and i’ve actually sent a few anons saying that i do miss you and wanting to see how you’ll react never got a reply :( but genuinely in awe of how easily you make friends and that you have so many different types of works and i’m so glad you have so many people that recognise that like your anons (and i’m sorry if i was too overly jokingly bitchy) and everyone just go through her master list or just check out her blog cause genuinely such a funny person and has amazing content on there

@wanna-one MERVE you’re my sister/protecter from all things bad (like makeout scenes lmao) but even though you “hate” daniel you have your sweet ASF moments about him you basically confess you love everything about him AND SO MUCH DANIEL CONTENT ON YOUR BLUG BUT you’re always tired and stressed and i wish you were decently okay and happy but remember you’re so sweet ridiculously smart AND i still need to see a photo of you anyways i love you sooooo much and so does daniel ;)

@woojinstinygf OMG KITTY YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED WOOJIN FAN IK (sorry all those woojin stans out there but like kitty takes it to ANOTHER LEVEL) i always love chatting w you and you always make feel so soft and happy ANYONE WANTS WOOJIN CONTENT OR SWEET WORDS OR ANYTHING ABOUT WOOJIN OR STRAY KIDS LMAO FOLLOW N MESSAGE KITTY (not actually her irl name but she tells ppl to call her that soooo ya)

IM SORRY IF I MISSED YOU PLEASE PLEASE MESSAGE ME SO I CAN ADD YOU ONTO THE LIST 

I LOVE YOU ALL BUT AGAIN VOTE!!!! MAGU MAGUUUUUU!!!!

[elusianknight]

Real talk tho my depression slouch last year was honestly because of EoE at least partly.

I'm involved in FB groups and I remember a post by a guy who was a singer and he couldn't continue his career because of his EoE. And that fucked me up.

I have a very mild case of Eosinophilic Esophagitis. By very mild I mean I still cough up food, it gets stuck in my throat, can't swallow things, burp up liquids when I drink them, always have to swallow things many times to get it down. I had 80 eosinophils per section (can't think of the word right now) ... and 15 or more is when you have it.

I call it mild because there are worse symptoms. Throwing up (of which I have a phobia), and food impaction (food getting stuck to the point of cutting off airway(?), not exactly choking because it gets stuck in the esophagus, but it can tear the esophagus and can be horrible if you have liquids too... have I mentioned that most people who have EoE who have food impactions try making themselves puke as the first solution of food impaction?)

I also have acid reflux as a symptom, which can damage the vocal cords apparently.

Like, not to be dramatic, but I seriously don't know what I'd do with myself if I couldn't sing anymore. That outcome would clearly be worse to me than.... basically anything else. If it's between not making myself worse by going on a dairy free diet, or potentially LOSING MY ABILITY TO DO WHAT I LOVE, I don't know why my dumb ass can't just make the decision to diet accordingly. But it's so hard and depressing... partly because I'm in college and the food here is terrible and I live on cereal and yogurt rn. I spent last year living on oatmeal, salad and French fries, the same shit every day, and it sucked. But most people have more than one trigger and have to go off much much more than just one thing. Most people find out they have EoE because they literally throw up everything they try to eat.

I'm scared of getting worse but I'm mad at myself for being a little bitch about doing what I need to do to try and fix it.

I don't feel sorry for myself much; with as many problems as I have, that's just no way to live. But when I'm suddenly reminded that I'm not like everyone else, those things pile up fast and can be overwhelming at times. :/

Only kind of related, but today I almost got mowed down by someone on a bike while walking to my exam. I either wasn't paying attention to where I was going, didn't see him cuz he was on my bad side, didn't realize he was close since it was dark and I have no depth perception anyway....... I'm thinking it was all of the above. But when he flew past me, missing me by.... well it seemed like he was close but my half blind ass didn't fucking know, I flinched REALLY abruptly and got mad because I couldn't stop thinking about how dumb I must've looked. And every time I don't see people on my bad side while I'm walking (aka always) it sucks because people must think I'm rude when I bump into them or don't move out of the way of something very obviously approaching me (that someone who could see on the right side would clearly see). I can never explain myself to these strangers and it sucks. A little heartwarming part of that tho, Sarah will tell me if something's coming on my right if we're together (or just straight up moves me out of the way) because she Knows and im just gonna throw it out there that I uh love my friends 10/10. People who are considerate of ur disabilities and issues without treating you like a child / being rude???? They exist but they're rare. I'm friends with unicorns.

Anyway not sure where this was going but if anyone feels like reading me rant incoherently about my issues in a lengthy, disorganized mess of text, it's your lucky day.

[judeesill]

on the whole buria situation

i didn’t want to say anything because i didn’t want to fan the fire but shes been posting screenshots with my full name and the posts about it are getting some (albeit limited) traction so i feel like i have to at least state my side of things

like most of you, i am very committed to resisting racism and abuse particularly in our feminist circles so i’m really hurt by these incredibly false allegations. i want to present my side of the story because i feel like it’s not fair of buria to say such inflammatory things about me and my friends without any evidence and i think the fact that allegedly radical women are willing to share them is incredibly suspect, given how much our community talks about the cultish callout culture of liberal feminism. i realise that if these allegations were true it would be deeply fucked up, but i maintain that what happened is not exactly what buria has said. i also do admit that i as a white women am certainly still in the process of unlearning racism and acknowledging my white privilege but racism was absolutely not a factor in anything that transpired on my end. i was acting out of concern for a friend (the much-maligned max mason) who is a survivor of abuse and trauma and who has very much been misrepresented in this situation, and who, like me, is nearly a decade younger than buria.

i’m going to tell this story in vaguely chronological order because that’s the only way i know how. i also don’t have access to screencaps rn but i can summarize them to the best of my ability here and will provide them upon request

buria and i met a few months ago at an irl radfem happy hour in nyc, we talked for a bit and got along fairly well and were thereafter connected on social media

a few weekends ago, a friend of ours organised a protest at the 2017 left forum against the cancellation of a gender critical panel. i was working the left forum and had a lot of people i knew there that i didn’t want to know i was involved, so i avoided being seen with them and instead went inside to find a reporter that had mentioned wanting to talk to them. buria has since made this an example of my racism because i was avoiding women of color, but i would have avoided them regardless of race because i was worried for my personal and professional safety. i know there were some reservations about my micromanaging that action because i drafted the statement we gave out and kind of ran logistics, and i admit i was being kind of bossy but it was 100% bout wanting the action to go well and (i admit, selfishly) wanting to preserve my reputation. i feel like that’s not relevant to this situation, but she’s brought it up so i’m going to clarify.

anyway, a few days later buria became the mod of an nyc lesbian group that the other woman at lf–let’s call her A–was also involved in and they got in an argument bc buria immediately blocked a woman who posted something about bdsm/seeking a sub, and the A said she should have asked the other mods. this spurred her to accuse A (a radical feminist lesbian woc) of being a pedophile apologist/rape apologist/etc.

Buria then messaged Max, a mutual friend of both A and myself, to complain. this is where things get hairy. Max used to be briefly employed as a pro-domme, and from what i can tell she wasn’t involved in sex but just like. whipping dudes. either way that was a short time a long time ago and she is now very much against the kink community, and is a radical feminist. max told buria this, mostly to be like, “full disclosure, i used to be involved in this and think it’s fair to let you know, and also i have experience here, i know what these people are like, i can step in and talk to these women”

this upset buria, who then started harassing max about her involvement and saying that she was a rape apologist, violent, etc. she accusingly asked why max had been involved, apparently ignoring the effects of socialized femininity and grooming, and started harassing her for having been involved because apparently that means she’s inherently an abuser and not to be trusted. mind you, i know max quite well and i know she has a lot of regret over this and as i stated above, is an anti-bdsm radical feminist. buria just wasn’t hearing it. she was relentless and at one point max was fed up and was like “i hope this [attacking me] is cathartic for you” and buria took this as mocking. yeah, it was a little sarcastic, but buria was ruthless and horrible to max.

at this point she messaged me in a ploy to accrue some sympathy because she knows max and i are friends. i take accusations of abuse and violence very seriously, so i started off willing to listen to buria and confront max if need be, but it became clear i wasn’t getting the whole story. i told buria i would deal with it later because i was at work and didn’t have time to reach out to max. finally i realised something wasn’t sitting well with me because i know max is not an abuser in the way buria as describing so i talked to her and heard about all the ways buria had been harassing and triggering her. she texted and fb messaged and found other ways to attack max, and i was like. this is not cool

at this point, i started to ignore buria because i didn’t want to further engage. at one point like the next day she messaged me that was on some “lyndie england guantanamo style shit” which pissed me off because it’s so false and disingenuous and really shitty of her to compare what max has been thru and has in fact been a victim of to something that horrible? so i was a little snarky and asked “literally how” then unfriended her. 

then she posted a long rant calling max a rapist in our irl radfem group, and when people were like whoa hey this is a big accusation can you explain what’s going on she turned on everyone in the comments. people tried to reach out to her and she turned on them too. the last straw was when she began to harass an 18yo friend of mine who really doesn’t need any more shit to deal with, especially not from a woman over ten years older than her. she also found my email address through my university and sent me harassing, accusatory emails, and as you’ve seen, has been posting my name and the names of other women to tumblr.

i’m not trying to call her crazy or irrational because i realise she is a mentally ill trauma survivor but that does not excuse her terrible behaviour. apparently she has done this to other women in the past in various radfem circles on tumblr and facebook, and this time it’s really unfortunate that it’s happening in real life. not to play the “i’m an innocent teenager” card but like. in this case i’m literally innocent and literally a teenager and i am incredibly uncomfortable with the smear campaign she has been waging against my friends and i out of a personal vendetta (won’t get into the details but i feel like this is literally a revenge fantasy for her given some past stuff w her and max). she’s turned on me because i’m an easy target because i indulged her for so long and she knows she can call me racist and ableist and an abuser or whatever and have people side with her and like? that’s fine i am white and neurotypical and definitely not a perfect person but she’s also doing this to women of color and trauma survivors and mentally ill women so i really just can’t sit by while she pulls this shit and so-called radical feminists indulge her bullshit

anyway. sorry for this long stupid personal essay please message me if u have any other concerns i guess i just want this to be over !!!!!

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[artlessictoan]

How I’d do Naruto Next Gen

okok I’ve been wanting to do something more in depth and organised than my usual ranting about how everything is terrible now, so here we go! (though lbr this is just my usual ranting but 10x longer)

for the sake of brevity ha and my own piece of mind I’m not gonna go into how unnecessarily hetro the ending was and how everyone should’ve been gay and hey not every couple absolutely had to get married and/or have kids and also nart should’ve gotten the opportunity to realise that becoming hokage wasn’t necessary to achieve his real goal of becoming someone loved and accepted by others and he deserved so much better tbh and why isn’t sak just running the whole show and why isn’t there more sand sibs, bc let’s face it none of that was ever gonna happen, so these ideas are mostly built with the premise that all the canon couples stay canon and all the kids are still around and the product of those ships and the big plot things that happened (like nart becoming hokage and the like) stay roughly the same

forewarning bc else someone’s bound to say something; if you enjoy the next gen stuff? not a problem! that’s great, people enjoying stuff is a good thing! I wish I could enjoy more stuff, bc enjoying things is far more fun than not enjoying things! everyone has a different taste though and for me – and a lot of other people – the way that the next gen has turned out has been a disappointment, this post is for those people, so we can talk about why we think it’s failed and what we would’ve like to see instead, if you don’t feel that way about it.. well just scroll on past this post and keep enjoying the things you enjoy! have an absolute blast, you’ve earned it!

under the cut bc I am apparently incapable of keeping my rambling concise, there’s 2000 words of only vaguely coherent thoughts and tangents, so maybe get yourself a cuppa and a snack before trudging through it (some of this I’ve said in other posts before but w/e)

---

first off lets change some of the kids’ personalities, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with any of them, but like….. 90% are carbon copies of one of their parents (and mostly their dads but I won’t get into that issue rn) which is ridiculous, bc personality traits aren’t genetic?? like my mum is super chill and sensible and my dad is short-tempered, but I’m an anxious mess and my bro is an anti-social control freak.. we didn’t get any of that from either of our parents

while it’s certainly true that you might be influenced by them (me and mum share a lot of interests and tastes), it’s not a hard and fast rule and I don’t find it realistic that EVERY kid takes after their parents, though I probably wouldn’t have such a problem with it if they were more a mix of both parents than just their dads, so here’s some potential alterations:

Boruto. good fucking lord, no, we did not need a clone of Naruto heading another series, if we wanted to see a rambunctious scamp who gets into trouble but loves his friends a whole lot and has a knack for giving inspirational speeches, then there’s already a whole 700 chap manga for that! one with a far more likable and interesting rambunctious scamp tbqh. so how about we make a few alterations, maybe instead of taking after Nart, Bolt takes a bit more after Hinata? a little quiet and a bit of a pushover, but someone who’ll quickly stick up for a friend and has an ease of communication that’s a bit more Nart? not shy so much as laidback and composed, maybe he isn’t all that interested in being a ninja too, like he’s quite skilled but is a pacifist and would much rather get a civilian job as idk a baker or gardener or something

Shikadai. only a few minor changes here bc I really do like the kid as he is, I’d just like to see him using Tema’s abilities too (and maybe also being just a bit more snarky and unyielding like his mum)

Inojin. I’m kinda torn on this one, bc I do like that he’s a lot like Sai (at least in the anime, he seems to have a pretty different personality from what little we’ve seen of him in the manga???), but I think it’d be pretty interesting if he was just not like either of his parents, maybe if he was very quiet and subdued, but also the mastermind behind all the kid’s pranks, has a mischievous streak that often shocks people, but his friends always love hanging out with him bc of it. also why doesn’t he have Ino’s powers? let’s give him Ino’s powers too

Sand Kids 2.0. ok so at this point we haven’t seen nearly enough of them to say much either way but I have negative faith in kishi and ike so I’ll just say that I want them all to be Gaara’s adopted kids (since it’s still unclear if it’s just Shinki or all of ‘em atm) and I want them to be exactly like this shameless plug for me and @spellfire01‘s versions of them which are the best fucking versions and I will protect my children with my life

now some changes to the original cast (this is where I’m gonna get proper bitter, prepare yourselves):

OH NARUTO MY POOR CHILD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU I’ve already talked about this but let me just reiterate in as eloquent a way as I can; Naruto would never become a neglectful father. N e v e r. not after the childhood he went through, no matter how much work he had to do as kage, don’t dare fucking try and tell me that Naruto – "It's almost unbearable, isn't it… the pain of being all alone. I know that feeling; I've been there, in that dark and lonely place, but now there are others, other people who mean a lot to me. I care more about them than I do myself, and I won't let anyone hurt them… They rescued me from my loneliness" – Uzumaki would EVER neglect his kids. just fucking don’t. in this version Nart is a doting and involved dad (perhaps a little too much, to the point that his kids find him kinda exhausting and have to ask him to leave them alone sometimes) who sends his clones to work at the office while he hangs out with his family.. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t already do that

let all the girls out of their houses to do some ninja work for the love of god

poor put-upon Shino-sensei is alright.. but we’ve already had that with Iruka, I’d honestly much rather see the Cool Sensei who keeps all the kids in line without even doing much of anything and has a knack for inspiring them and always has a line of students trailing after him asking to hear more of his awesome ninja stories and everyone always trying to show off when he’s around, bc Shino is literally The Best

have Sauce and Saku be divorcees. seriously, are even the people who ship them happy with how their relationship has turned out? they barely see each other and apparently it’s been that way since chap 699, so why not just have them split up? it really wouldn’t change much, just say that, at some point after Sarada was born, they realised that they were both gay incompatible personality-wise and they were both so busy with their individual work that there wasn’t much of a relationship to lose. not only would this be good for both their characters (there’s no reason they couldn’t still be good friends) and just more sensible all-round, but it would also be a nice way to show that not every childhood romance/first love works out and that’s perfectly fine and normal and they can still live happy, full lives afterwards!

speaking of Sauce, let him spend at least a little bit of time interacting with his friends and family in Konoha, even if he’s still mostly travelling around on important missions he should at least be taking every opportunity to visit his daughter when he’s in the area, seriously, c’mon

Temari got done so dirty in that one episode.. here’re some much better words than I could ever muster but generally I’d want her to be less the ‘scary, overbearing, harsh’ mother and more the ‘strict but cool and sneaky’ mother, like she’d honestly be the type to use reverse psychology and gentle manipulation, she’d make her boy do some seemingly meaningless task that somehow makes him have an epiphany and come back to her when he’s done like “I know what I did wrong now and I’m sorry” than just shout at him and refuse to make dinner (also I just really like to hc that she’s a terrible cook so it’s Shikamaru who does all the cooking anyway)

it’d be really great to see Hina either being the new clan head or at least otherwise involved in Hyuuga clan politics, so we could actually see how she’s working to destroy that whole slavery thing they’ve got going, rather than that plotline just being dropped somewhere around the end of the chunin exam arc and never picked up again (I mean I assume that it’s all supposed to be fixed by now, but that’s not the kinda thing that should happen entirely off-screen) and so we can see her life revolving around something other than Nart and her kids, she’s remarkably capable and had so much potential but she’s been denied every opportunity to really exist as her own character by the writers

Kiba…… what the hell is going on with Kiba? where is he? what is he doing? how’s he feeling these days? is he supposed to be married to that nameless cat lady we saw for a single panel? these are things we shall never know I guess. tbh what I’d really LOVE to see would be Kiba-sensei, just imagine him and Shino both being teachers who work in completely opposite ways, Shino is the quiet, inspiring, lowkey scary one and Kiba is the gigantic fucking dork one who cheers his students on way too loud and makes the classes super fun and joins in the kids games, him and Shino have a class rivalry and Kiba is constantly roping students into joining his attempts to prank Shino (they’ve never once succeeded but oNE DAY)

Ino should be the next head of Konoha’s intelligence division, I will fight kishi on this one

why the actual fuck is oroch still happily living it up in his penthouse lab?? kill the fucker. or at the very least imprison the fucker. just say that Mitsuki was an old project of his that somehow kept developing in his absence, or was a product of research carried out by some lackeys’ years after he’s gone, anything that means I don’t have to accept that everyone has apparently forgiven him for everything and knows that he’s still experimenting on kids but just don’t care

and on that last note: Justice for Yamato 2k17

right now let’s get onto the actual plot/story for this very self-pandering au

make Sarada the main char. while I can see why they would choose to go with Boruto, honestly Salad’s more interesting a character and! A Girl!! Main Character!!!! I NEED IT!!!!!! focus on her goal to be hokage and her struggles with her parents and follow up on that ‘restoring the Uchiha’ plot thread that just.. dropped right off the map somewhere between 699 and 700, her reconciling what her clan was with what she wants to make it

get rid of that weird demon-sensing eye thing that’s going on. and the demon thing in general. and also that jarring post-apocalypse future thing they’re building up. I didn’t slog through over a decade of kishi’s bullshit just so my kids didn’t get to live long, happy lives. make the plot just slice-of-life fluff, nothing more dangerous than a bully, just some kids trying to be awesome ninja in a world that doesn’t really need ninja anymore bc peace and all that

waaay more of Chocho, Himawari and Inojin (at least enough so they all get equal billing)

show how the ninja world has grown and developed since the end of the original series (not just technologically), what do ninja do now that there aren’t any wars and international relationships are at an all-time high? have missions completely gone from being combat and intel based to more about construction and assistance? are ninja numbers actually dropping, favouring civilian jobs in these more peaceful times? how well are people – ninja or not – adjusting to these changes? is learning ninja techniques still encouraged but in a way that’s more about culture and traditions than actual use in combat (in the same way that swordplay today is mostly practiced for performance, fun and sport, rather than out of any real-life practicality)? there are so many interesting things to explore that you don’t even need to be adding in new threats to keep the series entertaining

I’ve said this before, but I think it’d be really cool and cute if after the end of the war and with some drastic changes to the ninja world’s politics, this next gen is less about becoming ninja, than realising that they’ll never be ninja (at least not in the way that their parents were) and how they react to that. maybe they’re frustrated because they hear so many cool stories about the grand battles of the previous generation and they want to be able to do those things too damnit! so the kids are just going around trying to be super-awesome ninja in a world that doesn’t really need ninja anymore, picking fights and trying to make their boring d-rank missions seem more important and dangerous than they really are, maybe at some point they learn a bit more about how hard and traumatising that life was for their parents and why the world had to change, until they eventually decide that if the role of a ninja has to change, then together they’re gonna discover what that new role will be, what will being a ninja really mean in this new, peaceful world?

and, a final ending note: fuck ike’s sickening treatment of Sarada with regards to her sexualised presentation and the disgusting reveal that someone taught Boruto (a young child!) the sexy jutsu. Let The Kids Be Kids 2k17

[myheartisbro-ken]

Wow. Your answer to that ask was amazing. 😊💙🌷 you for teaching me so journalism lingo! I definitely agree with you that there's an imbalance this season with Kara Danvers 👓 (so her as a civilian) and Supergirl. I feel like we've seen more of Maggie doing her the job than Kara, which is kind of sad. I know Supergirl is also her passion/duty, but I miss reporter! Kara or seeing her do more normal things. Anyway, great insight. Hmm, I would love to fight Merlin because I'm currently-- 💙(pt 1)

–watching Merlin from the start and my dislike of him is prominent. *Sighs* Morgana deserved so much better. He has magic though…So idk if I’d survive that. It’d probably be easiest to end the rich, pretentious, outdated Frointer guy. I’ll go with him to live, but would prefer Merlin. Um, what kind of pizza do you like? I make homemade pizza (the crust too) sometimes. I prefer to bake. Do you ship Lucy with Mina? I don’t and think Mina was too harsh to her, so I won’t ship it. –(Pt 2/3)💙🐢

Lucy Westenra deserved so much better. This also applies to Mina in my opinion, which is likely the minority. I still respect those who ship them ofcourse…I just don’t. I miss Lena Luthor. Oh, I’m going to go watch 2.17 bc I haven’t yet; it’s still int he recorder thingy. I hope you have a resplendent day/night. 💙🌷😊 (I feel like a monster leaving unused characters…Hmm. Here’s a riddle: What creature walks on 4 legs in the morning , 2 in the afternoon, and 3 in the evening?). 🐱 (Pt 3/3)

Hi! I saw your message a while ago, but I was getting home and my grandmother was watching this reality show (Big Brother Brazil), where this guy had been emotionally abusing his show girlfriend, and today they kicked him out, after a judge’s verdict. I’m still very shaken from the situation and the girl’s reaction, and it made me think of what’s happening on Supergirl rn. I was not looking for an association or anything, but it was impossible not to. The difference here being in one it was real life happening and in Supergirl they chose to write that. The guy was cute sometimes (apparently, some people even ‘shipped’ them) he hugged and kissed her and kissed her feet and everything and told her he’d always take care of her, but they fought all the time, he was very aggressive with everyone, mostly his girlfriend, he humiliated her, he guilt-tripped her, he diminished her feelings. Honestly, everything I saw about these two could be a direct parallel to so many scenes in supergirl including the girl’s reaction to him leaving. That was the most heartbreaking of all; when told she was being abused and they had to take him away from the show, the girl cried, said it shouldn’t be happening, he didn’t mean to hurt her, he was just stressed. She blamed herself, said that this was only happening because of her, because he was there so she wasn’t left alone, and if he hadn’t stayed because of her nothing of this would be happening to him. She said that she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to jeopardize him, and that she told herself she would just let him do anything he wanted without saying anything because she didn’t want to fight anymore. I watched a clip of one of their fights, which was the one that caused the justice/law to be involved, and it’s absolutely terrifying, he didn’t let her break up with him, she called him out on his actions and he talked over at her, didn’t let her talk, he yelled in her face, he backed her into a corner with his finger in her face pressing her against the wall whilst yelling with his face touching hers. But even if I hadn’t seen the video, just the girl’s reaction to him being sent away and them saying it was because of how he was treating her, just that was enough to see how much he fucked this poor girls mind. She felt for him, she was concerned about what was going to happen to him, and that he was going to blame her for pressing charges (which she didn’t), she felt guilty for him being punished because she felt like she put him in that position…

I’m not saying I wasn’t concerned about this direction of the show before, or that you can only feel sympathy after experiencing things in some way or another. But I’m just really really shaken about this, seeing all of this made me even more scared for what they are doing on Supergirl.

One thing that really struck me was another girl on the rs, who said that we get mad when we see this happening to others but we let things happen to us because we’re so used to taking in our own shit that we don’t even notice when something big is happening to us. This poor young girl got so used to taking in the shit he had been throwing her, so used to the things he did to her and she liked him so much, that she hasn’t accepted that it happened to her, even with the bruises and everyone telling her, the show’s host telling her, she still didn’t believe or accept that she was a victim, that he was wrong, she continued to excuse him because ‘it wasn’t his fault, he was angry and stressed, he wasn’t going to really hurt me’.

I’m sorry, I needed to let this out (that’s not even half of it, but oh well). I was done talking about Supergirl’s fuck ups, but this just got to me (and honestly, it should have affected everyone who watched it, people excusing him or making jokes about this situation or even saying this is all a scene and she’ll win the show and the money and then all will be okay and she won’t even be sad [my stepfather actually said this], those people are disgusting)

On a lighter note, I will answer you know. Sorry for the rant.

Merlin is a douche and Morgana deserved better. I don’t even care if I’d win, I just want to fight him. Rich pretentious dudes scare me, I went to private school, rich boys terrify me to no end, like major anxiety attack at seeing one of my old classmates in my uni, so I wouldn’t be able to fight the frontier guy, I think, I haven’t seen it yet, only the first episode, so maybe my answer will change.

I like all types of pizza, all of them. PIZZA! But I don’t like red meat, onions, mushrooms, peas, corn or garlic. My favorite is chicken as plain as it is, but I’ll try a lot of things too. And I sometimes eat the crust but not when I’m in a restaurant because it’s just smarter to not eat the crust so you can try more flavors.  🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 🍕 I’ve always wanted to make pizza, I like baking and cooking, so I really want to try it, it’s so cool that you do it.

I did not ship Lucy and Mina, I think Mina was too unfair and harsh to Lucy and her reaction was really gross (in my opinion) and it made me very very angry, including the Jonathan situation later on (in which she blamed Lucy, the victim) and telling it to Alexander, and then his reaction was really really disgusting and made me so angry for a very long time, so much that his words still stay with me “ If you insist on acting like a monster, I’m going to make you one.” One could interpret here that being a lesbian, being manipulated and being treated like shit by a jealous and angry man (who was very aggressive on top of that) is ‘acting like a monster’, because that’s what happened to her and she felt ashamed and she tried to talk to Mina and Mina didn’t let her and told her to leave. In this situation Mina was horrible; though in others she was also mistreated, so she also did deserve better, better than Johnathan and better than ‘her soulmate’ the stalker, Alexander. But I can totally see why people ship them, I did too, but the reactions were too harsh for me to look past for a ship.

2x17 was terrible and I’m only still watching this because of Lena, otherwise, I would have already lost all the interest in this that was my favorite show.

I had a very crazy day, and I would totally talk about it if this wasn’t already huge, so I’ll just say I had a boring seminar and a huge convo/discussion about How I Met Your Mother, it was awesome. 

Now for the riddle, it’s a person. In the morning = baby, ‘walks’ on four legs; in the afternoon = child/teen/adult, walks on two legs; and in the evening = old age, adds a cane. 😁😎

Hope you have a stupendous day/night 💚🌼😊

[i-amthenugget]

long ass vent or something so read @ ur own risk

So we venting because I gotta type all this shit out so that I can get over it or something u know? Ok so. Vent undercut!

I had this friend who I never rlly felt like I could state my opinion with. They're rlly opinionated and a few times if I had an opinion they didn't agree with they would just not talk to me for like a day or two. We were in this group chat, and I'd be active in the group chat and I'd see them reading my texts and never responding despite them being one of the people who responded pretty normally most of the time. Obviously people can just be busy sometimes but it happened a lot after they disagreed with me and I feel like most of the time they were just ghosting me. So basically I agreed with them on a lot of things I didn't rlly agree on, and I'd put a lot of thought into some texts because some times I just didn't know what kind of things might make them ghost me. It honestly made me feel like shit a lot of the time and I never brought it up because what if they just ghosted me? And they're friends with a lot of my friends so I'm thinking "wow what if this makes them hate me, and then our friends decide they'd choose them over me, etc." and I didn't want to lose all my friends! Especially when we're all in college and don't see each other as much. Admittedly I should not have to worry that my friends will choose someone over me. But I'm anxious about it so I'm preparing for the worst. So I stay quiet about these things.

But a month or maybe a month and half ago, my mother volunteers me to babysit some kids. And I'm in the group chat like "I don't like kids why would I get volunteered for this, don't get me wrong I wouldn't be an asshole to kids but I'd like to avoid them." To which they disagree with me. Obviously they think it's pretty shitty of me to not like kids. I've gotten this a lot and I'm over it. I'm like. I'm not an asshole to kids. I think they're annoying and don't like looking after them and don't want any kids. But I know it's not they're fault their kids! I'm not gonna be rude to kids just because they're kids. But I still don't like them! I say this in the group chat but this friend ain't rlly having it so they don't talk to me for the day or whatever and I'm still going about my business like I normally would. But the time passes and I'm like. Nah fuck it. I'm sick of being ghosted. So in retaliation, I ghost them. I was like if ur gonna ghost me all the time I will simply ghost u back! And at the time I was upset with another friend in the group chat so I left the group chat. I didn't talk to the original friend at all, though I easily expressed my feelings to the other one and every thing was fine with them.

After a week this friend comes and dms me and apologizes for disagreeing with me about kids. This isn't the main reason I'm not talking to them, but they're actually apologizing and that's wild. As I said before they're rlly opinionated so I feel like they wouldn't often apologize for having different opinions. So I go back to the group chat and everything's fine for like a day.

But then they're just not responding to anything for awhile. I'm thinking. Well I didn't do anything wrong.... must be a personal problem? They're posting on their Snapchat story that they're crying a ton and so I dm them I'm like. "Hey idk how to show u I rlly do care about u other than saying I think u should talk to someone." I'm rlly trying to help! But they snap at me in response! They're like "what makes you think I'm not talking to people" and I'm really trying to be more open with them so I let them know, I say I feel like they aren't usually the kind of person to talk about what's bothering them and they tell me they are talking to people and I'm like. Ok then. Sorry for trying u know??? And then they go back to not saying anything.

A few days pass and they go in the group chat accusing me and another friend of vaguing about them on twitter. They had posted something about kpop fans never shutting up on their tumblr, and around that time I had posted on twitter saying that I never shut up about things way before I got into kpop. I had posted this because my dad was complaining about it and I was sick of it. But someone sent them an anon on tumblr saying that that's just how all fandoms are, and they thought I was the anon! So they stalked me on twitter (they never followed me so they wouldn't have seen my post otherwise) and concluded that I must've seen their tumblr post, sent them an anon, and then vagued about it on twitter. I don't follow them on tumblr so I didn't even see the post until they brought it up in the group chat.

But still they're accusing me of this. I tell them I wasn't vaguing about them, it was in fact about my family, etc. they're saying it's too much of a coincidence. But I didn't vague! So what am I gonna do?? I'm not gonna apologize because I blatantly didn't do anything? Not to mention they brought it up in the group chat. There were two other people in that group chat that had nothing to do with the whole situation, but this friend decided it was "their right to know the whole story" like. What? But they have nothing to do with it? But ok.

Anyway my other friend admits that she was vaguing, and they have their own argument, and then the original friend says we all need to change.

Like. I still never did anything wrong and I simply don't see how I need to change? So I say I have nothing to change and everything ends there and it's like. Ok awkward ig. But things eventually continue as normal in the group chat, except they seem to refuse to say almost anything to me.

A week passed and I'm like. I'm sick of this fr and I text them like "anyway do u hate me now??" And they're like "I don't hate u but I need some space and we both need to work hard but u said u don't need to change so it'll be awhile before we can become friends again" (ofc I am paraphrasing this all so take that how u will). I'm like. Wym I need to change? I didn't do anything wrong??? Ur the one who accused me of vaguing when I didn't??? Ur the one who ghosted all the time??? They're like "how was I supposed to know you weren't vaguing about me?" And "I was saying we all need to change so that we can all be more honest with each other and open with each other" like. Any time I wasn't honest with you I was just agreeing with you so that you wouldn't ghost me but okay I'm definitely one of the people at fault for not being able to trust each other. I STILL don't know what they mean "we need to be more open and honest with each other" like? Any other time I was open and honest with them??? But also they're like "you ghosted me for a week because we argued about kids" and then they accused me of saying they weren't important enough for me to think about! Okay I NEVER did that?? And I have a friend who agreed they don't remember me ever saying that. The most I might've said is "not everything's about you" harsh perhaps but! Not what they claimed I said. Not to mention I didn't ghost you for a week because of kids I ghosted you because I was sick of you ghosting me! But ok! Anyway they go on to say that "if we can't figure this out without fighting then we shouldn't be friends" Pretty much all I've done is defend myself against ur accusations and say I don't need to change because I don't. But like ok! I'm like. I never said you weren't important and I'm justified in my ghosting! They did that shit and just had everything go back to normal so many times I think I can be mad once okay. Im rlly like. U know what I've been a good friend??? And I don't think I need to change and this is ur loss. They're rlly like "I didn't say u weren't allowed to get mad but ur getting on my case for ghosting when u just did the exact same thing" like yeah me doing it once in retaliation to ALL the times you did it is definitely equal to u doing it over any disagreement..... ok! They were like "I've swallowed my pride and apologized" and I'm like. Honestly? U've hardly apologized u've been a shitty friend and I'm glad u think u need to change because u rlly fuckin do and I hope ur able to do that for ur friends in the future! So we ain't friends anymore and I'm not in that group chat!

But rlly y'all?? They're behavior was lowkey reminding me of this bitch of a toxic ass friend I had for a bit and due to the aftermath of that friendship I tried to kill myself so like?

But again the problem here is like. We still have mutual friends and I would never expect them to choose between us two or anything but. They've known each other a lot longer and I've never had friends for a long time due to having to move around a lot as a kid and stuff and I'm just sick of losing friends and being lonely y'all,

But I stood up for myself for once! jokes on me I stand up for myself one (1) time and everything goes to shit huh.

Anyway is this rant considering vaguing??? Smh they blocked me so I doubt they'd see it but. It's not vague enough to be vaguing and even if it was who cares I feel like I'm allowed to vent about it by now. On no I told all two followers about this, how terrible of me. 

 Perhaps im bitter,,, I'm going through it rn y'all

[sinisterhandsoap]

I posted 905 times in 2021

88 posts created (10%)

817 posts reblogged (90%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 9.3 posts.

I added 24 tags in 2021

#tank girl - 3 posts

#dragons - 3 posts

#lesbian - 3 posts

#dragon - 3 posts

#vine - 2 posts

#dyslexic - 2 posts

#born of mud - 2 posts

#infinity train - 2 posts

#angsty - 2 posts

#self love - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 71 characters

#im sorry this just made me think of steven universe to much to not post

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

TURNS OUT MY ABUSIVE BROTHER IS MOVING IN WITH MY FAMILY IN OREGON

WOPPDY FREAKING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

you would think i’d be happy about the whole occasion considering that every time even his name is mentioned I want to vomit. (tho one wouldn’t assume that because I bring him up often because I tend to hyper-fixate on my trauma). so an extra thousand miles (give or take) between us should be good right??  Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want my dear Oregon cousins who are in the know about what happened, in the presence of a master manipulator desperate to string a story if that means he can leach off their resources for as long as he can. HE ALREADY FUCKING DID THAT WITH MY AUNT WHO LIVES IN LA. MY MOM TOLD HER WHAT HE FUCKING DID, YET SHE TOOK HIS FUCKING SIDE. She even told me that she “completely understands the situation” and “what I need to do now to move forward is forgive him” SCREW YOU TO HELL AND BACK.   

wanna know what the worst part is?? those cousains up in oragon my be the only people who I could talk to who ACTULLY FUCKING GET IT. cuz it turns out, something similar happened in their family accept that time the brother actually went to fucking jail and actually took responsiblity for what he did. but for god knows what reason, they decided to take my brother in. who knows what he’ll tell them. I never really got the chance. 

MY ONE FUCKING CHANCE TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO GETS IT ... GONE 

FUCK HIM 

FUCK MY CURSED ASSED FAMILY HISTORY 

AND FUCK ME

IM SO FUCKING PISSED AND SAD AND LOST RIGHT NOW I WANT TO STAB SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF

and of course theres that thought again “oh SinisterHandsoap, you’re just over reacting to all of this calm the FUCK down and write the essay you’ve been procrastinating on for the past 5 days.” WELL FUCK YOU TOO BRAIN BC MAYBE I AM BUT I’M SURE AS HELL HOLDING BACK THE BEST I CAN FROM MAKING A BUNCH OF DUMB DESIONS RN. 

Lately for me the lines between predator and victim have been getting blurry. it’s all just fucked. My brother is a fucked up person who got fucked up from one thing or another. He just ended up fucking me up too. Now i’m fucked up and I don’t know how the fuck to deal with it. I’m a fucked up person just trying to live my life and I’m so fucking scared I’ll become him without even relizing it. I’ve already hurt a partner in the past on accident (and he was a dick bag). I literally think I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt my current partner, who BTW, is the first partner in my life to actually reciprocate my feelings both romantically and physically. IF I EVER HURT HER, SHOOT ME PLEASE.

anyway here's a new drawing I did of morass (made sure to give him extra ass)

sorry for the rant I just needed to vent. I don't really expect anyone to read this so if you just did, I am terribly sorry and goodbye.

5 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 05:46:40 GMT

#4

To the person I decided I was racing whilist biking to school today, your good son, but I have one thing you don’t: an ignorance to traffic laws.

6 notes • Posted 2021-10-04 16:47:20 GMT

#3

i need a hug 

6 notes • Posted 2021-12-07 19:13:22 GMT

#2

@tyrianblizzard

22 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 04:08:39 GMT

#1

the witches from craig of the creek are lesbian icons

what could one want more in life but to be an edgy dumb teen, working minimum wage, and being gay with your gf

44 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 04:18:14 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[iradiata]

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sorry. just, ignore this long rant. i wasn’t sure if i was going to post this but tonight isn’t the best and just a bunch of other thoughts and feelings and i really need to get something out rn. i’m feeling kind of lonely is all. also going to try to stay up for 24h (and yes my insomnia kept me up for 24+hours a few days ago but this time it’s deliberate for a reason)

i haven't felt this bad in a hot minute (and i mean a really hot minute) and i’ve felt bad fleetingly and it would come for a day or two and then go and then come back maybe a week or two later for another day or two but it’s the season that’s making it stay so long and be so bad and it’s frustrating for multiple reasons. the one that’s kind of bugging me tonight, among many, is my desire/aversion to social interaction. despite my social anxiety, sometime i really really wan to talk with my friends (or people who i consider friends but they could possibly consider me acquaintances or that annoying girl that keeps trying to talk to them). around the new year i kind of pull back from my relationships and it’s around this time of year when i finally want to pick them up again but i haven’t talked to people in months and idk if they still remember me or want to talk to me anymore but yeah. anyway. the problem, while i would love to talk to them again (my desire right there) this is also the time of the year where i think i’m at my worst (mentally maybe? emotionally? idk, whatever it is that i am rn) and if i talk  to them then i have to be alright and i’m sick of having to be alright because i have to be alright when i babysit and when i see people in real life because i don’t want them to see this mass of ugly blackness that i am inside and i don’t want my dad to worry that i’m becoming like my mom even though i think i might be halfway there but i don’t think i could ever take that last step and i just want to be not alright but i can’t when i talk to my friends or people because i feel like i’m being a) dramatic and over- exaggerating or b) a narcissist and selfish and being all “woe is me” and i just hate being this fuck-up because i can’t even be a fuck-up cause if i admitted to being a fuck-up and being an ugly disgusting mass of terrible on the inside no one would believe me and again i would be dramatic and just, i can’t deal with it and why does socializing have to be so hard? why can’t i just send my friends a simple “hey” and have a smooth conversation result from that? why do i have to be not alright and second guess every message i send (i even second guess my greetings cause should i say “hey” or “hi” or “hello” and should i capitalize and what punctuation do i use? are emojis a must?) and read into every message they send (usually i feel like they’ve become fed up with me and no longer want to talk to me but don’t know how to say it).  i never used to feel like this. where did that girl go? i want her back. so i’m sorry to all my friends out there who’ve ever had to deal with me and my current maybe friends (i honestly don’t know if they consider me a friend or just some annoying girl that keeps talking to them) for being gone so long. social media gets exhausting for me sometimes (especially around winter) and i feel this way during spring and just. sorry.