#??? ive never rlly had to trigger warn before so??

[babymochigyu]

Trigger warning for my nightmare(dont read if like abusing n stuff is trigerring)

Anyways so basically we were puttinf up a celebration for my sis or smth but not on that acual day n stuff…

Then ok cos before this irl hes doing all the self pitying n shit n i fuess ir rlly affexted m n ended up in my dream

End up i dreamt that i was riding some small kid bike n shit n then the police asked me stop one sight

They demand like 150 sgd n shit if not idk what they would do so end up in my dream i had to borrow frm someone

End up they accepted the money

Before this in the dream the guy joined their gang of sorts n. He was saying that he wanted to leave n he thiught he could just leave but he couldnt

Ends up in my dream cos he said the ppl in his bunk was bullying n shit n saw him cry

In my nightmare i had a rough idea of how he looked like n he was sobbing n crying so bad asking me to save him and i physically couldnt do anything he was crying so hard bcos the bullies were asking him to battle someone until they died(irl he brought up like suicidal stuff)

So everything that happened in the morning jn translated into my fucking nightmare fuck im so like

??? That scared me ngl the part where i sudd ssw him crying n on the floor so much tears ive never seen someone cry that much n he was begging me to help him n stuff bcos he had to fight someone till they died so that he could leave the gang is just crazy

It was so bad cos the dad was just like just trying to shove down paper down his throat too fucking insane

[clairenvk]

hey what’s up how tf do you deal with intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation or whatever the hell it’s called without bothering anyone around you or going insane

[ilysmxiao]

your title is gone now, childe. | childe x reader

ok this is rlly shitty bc ive nvr written for childe before. the reason why i did was bc there was a yt vid (which the link is here) and a lot of ppl were writing ab it,, so i decided to join in on it and my friend rlly liked it lol. so im posting this here . this is super shitty tho, cus i rushed it. childe is probably occ so b warned. anyways i might start writing genshin fics, so yea. pls pls pls check the warnings bc this is triggering,, gn prns used !! i wrote this listening to i bet on losing dogs on repeat lmao summary : the love of your life remains as your enemy, even as you both grow closer and share memories you would never share with another person. although you truly loved him, he had what you didn’t. in our lives, we do what we can to achieve what we want, even if it ruins what we already had. we must pay the price if we sought to get what we wish. warnings : character death, gore/blood, knife stuff, possible manipulation?? jus overall sad shit. please dont read this if ur triggered by those things !! 

at first, it had felt like a game - a childish one, in which both had fought for the title they held so dear. a number was just so in many eyes, but in their own, it held much more meaning. to be a harbringer, you must prove your strength. to achieve such title, it wasn't considered dirty to cheat, as it all was just part of the game. as time went on, though, it all had lost it's meaning, though one continued to fight - whether that was to prove he earned his title, and did not want to lose the superiority that it granted him, or for other selfish reasonings that even his inner thoughts refused to accept. due to his own lack of true understanding of the powers others held to make himself seem all the greater, childe went into the war blindly; yet, at the same time, too aware, so much so that his concentration on his weak spots created a new one entirely that was left open. it was not paranoia that put him in this spot, but his own selfish reasons he had yet to entirely understand. a cough escaped the males lips, blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth. it was then, did he realize he underestimated his lovers strength, their willpower, and the lack of true love they held for them. even with a knife against their neck, they would not back down, and it was far too late to realize such. whether [y/n] truly loved him or not, whether they used him for the title that granted them so much power in liyue, he could not tell if what angered him was the lies he had been given or the very fact he so gradually fell straight into them. in the end, all that mattered was who won, but he was unsure if the battle he sought was one he truly wished for. although he was a merciless harbringer, one with no care for the likes of someone like [y/n], he still had a right to love. not only so, but at the end of the day, [y/n] promised him that if all else corroded around the two, they would always be there. childe refused to listen to the soft spoken echoes of the loving words [y/n] used to tell him. he refused to watch the sweet memories of the two playing with teucer, bringing back the toys [y/n] taught him how to make for the pure fact that the poor kid would not find out the truth - or when they would lay in bed together, speaking of the many stories they had experienced in their lifetimes that made them who they were now. but when all is said and done, what all of that was true? did any of it mean anything, if the ones people truly loved hurt them in a way that was unforgivable? when they took away the one thing that meant so much to them? when all is taken, what do they become; what happens then? "oh, oh, my little baby," his lovers lips cooed, their hand softly grazing the others chin. "what have you become?" a soldier that blindly ran into war, fighting against a force he could never put his finger on. the title of a harbringer was an important one, though, how important it was to another was never going to be the same as the other. childe lacked to realize such, stuck in a bubble of his own selfishness and his love for the other - he never cared to realize how much it might have meant to the other. he never sought to realize the power that being even related to one it gave them, or the trip that it would put them on. childes eyes gazed up at his lover, soon shooting away to the empty space beside them. upon looking into those blue eyes of his, one could see the color began to dull and the ambitions he once held began to fade. "i should have been more cautious of you, i would have never expected you to be the one to steal this from me." although he said it in a tone that could show the way he laughed at his own faults, [y/n] knew very well that he had officially been stripped of what power he had held. "you underestimate me, childe. did the acts of other teach you nothing? even the ones you love betray you, a war can not have two winners." a small, hoarse chuckle left his lips; a burning sensation growing in his abdomen. the blood continued to poor out of his side, in which, caught his attention - his eyes glanced at the wound at his side, then back at his lover. he knew his time was up, as the thoughts of his loved ones and the risks he had managed to pull through with scattered his mind - was it worth it, leaving his loved ones behind, his younger brother who had meant as much to him as he did to teucer, in the end? "i hope that..," [y/n] paused for a moment, a small sigh leaving their lips. "in the next life, we meet again, and that you are sure not to let your guard down." the gaze that casted upon childes body soon wavered, turning into almost a sad one, perhaps even a disappointed one - in that moment, when their gaze met each others, they both realized what this both costed them both. it was clear that [y/n] still loved him, and always have loved him, and that was the breaking point for the both of them. one refused to show it, the other was uncaring of what he had let the other see. what is left after life is what truly matters, and although you may not like how it ended, at least something stuck with you until the end. right? "i-i'd like to believe that, [y/n]," childe muttered shakily, his brows very slightly furrowing. "you truly can not trust those closest to you." although the males lover already knew what they had done, what it had costed them - the one person he had chosen to love, the last words to leave childes lips was what had made him fully understand what he had done and the pain was one he knew that he never truly would be able to get away from. "well, we will see, won't we?" there was a pause, silence soon flooding the air. childe knew his time was coming, he accepted it, and it nearly mortified him to know things had to end the way it was going to. "y-yeah, we will.," few words left childes lips, and another blade plunged into his stomach. another groan left his lips, his face coiling slightly in pain. if you were to look hard enough, you could almost see the tears that soon began to prick the males eyes. "i love you, ajax." soon, [y/n] wrapped their body against their dying lover, and childe attempted to do the same. "i-i.., love.. you, too." those were the final words that childe spoke, his body soon going limp in his lovers arms. the words he spoke still lingered, echoing in the bristling sounds of leaves swaying in the wind - nothing more, nothing less. to become a harbinger, there were no rules - you just had to prove you were worthy of such a title, no matter what it costed, no matter how you cheated the rest. life does not come with special privilege's, no one will let you surpass them willingly, you have to fool them into believing you cant, and only then will you be able to reach what you sought for.

[thetriggeredhappy]

um hello hi big fan. I found the tf2 fandom this year amid the bot crisis, big hyperfixated on it, had some bad experiences playing. then i was like, ok well fanfic is a thing. and your fic was legit the first one i read (running blind). I hekin LOVED IT!!! the representation and characterization is SO GOOD!!! i was nervous about "curing" scout's blindness for obvious reasons but you handled it so well! and also your medic writing is probably the most on character ive ever read. also the way you explore scout's and snipers baggage/ptsd in the sequel is AMAZING!! you write it really well and as someone who has had panic attacks before, and has triggers, you write them perfectly. it's enough to really make you feel with the character but not enough to make sensitive people like me not be able to read. TYSM!!! (side note: as someone who also values internet privacy i get it, and it's nice to hear someone else sharing similar sentiments)

[image ID: previous anon here. um also wanted to add that your characterization of pyro is some of my fav. as someone who is nonbinary i really appreicate you respecting their identity. also side note, i personally headcanon that any written dialogue for pyro is pyro using sign language and your writing of him never contradicts that? so thanks! also tysm for keeping me in the fandom and sustaining my hyperfixation. you are legit awesome. keep up the good work and don't get burned out!]

imagine just like a flood of heart emojis. just a flotilla. a convoy even

i rlly appreciate when people tell me they riffed with the way i write, like, representation for mental health or gender or other assorted quirks and visibility sorts of things, especially since so often i’m like actively doing that stuff?? pyro using some form of sign language (sometimes more outright like in some one-shot stuff i’ve written, and i think that’s how i wrote them in RWYS?) is one i like a lot, and writing about trauma in general is something i take pretty seriously—hence me always trying to do content and trigger warnings on stuff that might have the potential to freak people out. and yeah, it’s tf2, the game where bodies explode when they die sometimes, but there’s a difference between cartoon violence and talking about trauma, yeah?

tryin my best to fend off that burnout, mostly i just take a lot of breaks and switch between projects (fan and otherwise) and that does well for me. hopefully one of these days i’ll actually start writing taking shots more instead of being uhhhh a fuckin baby abt it. either way you’re a champion anon and i appreciate you!!

[i-amthenugget]

long ass vent or something so read @ ur own risk

So we venting because I gotta type all this shit out so that I can get over it or something u know? Ok so. Vent undercut!

I had this friend who I never rlly felt like I could state my opinion with. They're rlly opinionated and a few times if I had an opinion they didn't agree with they would just not talk to me for like a day or two. We were in this group chat, and I'd be active in the group chat and I'd see them reading my texts and never responding despite them being one of the people who responded pretty normally most of the time. Obviously people can just be busy sometimes but it happened a lot after they disagreed with me and I feel like most of the time they were just ghosting me. So basically I agreed with them on a lot of things I didn't rlly agree on, and I'd put a lot of thought into some texts because some times I just didn't know what kind of things might make them ghost me. It honestly made me feel like shit a lot of the time and I never brought it up because what if they just ghosted me? And they're friends with a lot of my friends so I'm thinking "wow what if this makes them hate me, and then our friends decide they'd choose them over me, etc." and I didn't want to lose all my friends! Especially when we're all in college and don't see each other as much. Admittedly I should not have to worry that my friends will choose someone over me. But I'm anxious about it so I'm preparing for the worst. So I stay quiet about these things.

But a month or maybe a month and half ago, my mother volunteers me to babysit some kids. And I'm in the group chat like "I don't like kids why would I get volunteered for this, don't get me wrong I wouldn't be an asshole to kids but I'd like to avoid them." To which they disagree with me. Obviously they think it's pretty shitty of me to not like kids. I've gotten this a lot and I'm over it. I'm like. I'm not an asshole to kids. I think they're annoying and don't like looking after them and don't want any kids. But I know it's not they're fault their kids! I'm not gonna be rude to kids just because they're kids. But I still don't like them! I say this in the group chat but this friend ain't rlly having it so they don't talk to me for the day or whatever and I'm still going about my business like I normally would. But the time passes and I'm like. Nah fuck it. I'm sick of being ghosted. So in retaliation, I ghost them. I was like if ur gonna ghost me all the time I will simply ghost u back! And at the time I was upset with another friend in the group chat so I left the group chat. I didn't talk to the original friend at all, though I easily expressed my feelings to the other one and every thing was fine with them.

After a week this friend comes and dms me and apologizes for disagreeing with me about kids. This isn't the main reason I'm not talking to them, but they're actually apologizing and that's wild. As I said before they're rlly opinionated so I feel like they wouldn't often apologize for having different opinions. So I go back to the group chat and everything's fine for like a day.

But then they're just not responding to anything for awhile. I'm thinking. Well I didn't do anything wrong.... must be a personal problem? They're posting on their Snapchat story that they're crying a ton and so I dm them I'm like. "Hey idk how to show u I rlly do care about u other than saying I think u should talk to someone." I'm rlly trying to help! But they snap at me in response! They're like "what makes you think I'm not talking to people" and I'm really trying to be more open with them so I let them know, I say I feel like they aren't usually the kind of person to talk about what's bothering them and they tell me they are talking to people and I'm like. Ok then. Sorry for trying u know??? And then they go back to not saying anything.

A few days pass and they go in the group chat accusing me and another friend of vaguing about them on twitter. They had posted something about kpop fans never shutting up on their tumblr, and around that time I had posted on twitter saying that I never shut up about things way before I got into kpop. I had posted this because my dad was complaining about it and I was sick of it. But someone sent them an anon on tumblr saying that that's just how all fandoms are, and they thought I was the anon! So they stalked me on twitter (they never followed me so they wouldn't have seen my post otherwise) and concluded that I must've seen their tumblr post, sent them an anon, and then vagued about it on twitter. I don't follow them on tumblr so I didn't even see the post until they brought it up in the group chat.

But still they're accusing me of this. I tell them I wasn't vaguing about them, it was in fact about my family, etc. they're saying it's too much of a coincidence. But I didn't vague! So what am I gonna do?? I'm not gonna apologize because I blatantly didn't do anything? Not to mention they brought it up in the group chat. There were two other people in that group chat that had nothing to do with the whole situation, but this friend decided it was "their right to know the whole story" like. What? But they have nothing to do with it? But ok.

Anyway my other friend admits that she was vaguing, and they have their own argument, and then the original friend says we all need to change.

Like. I still never did anything wrong and I simply don't see how I need to change? So I say I have nothing to change and everything ends there and it's like. Ok awkward ig. But things eventually continue as normal in the group chat, except they seem to refuse to say almost anything to me.

A week passed and I'm like. I'm sick of this fr and I text them like "anyway do u hate me now??" And they're like "I don't hate u but I need some space and we both need to work hard but u said u don't need to change so it'll be awhile before we can become friends again" (ofc I am paraphrasing this all so take that how u will). I'm like. Wym I need to change? I didn't do anything wrong??? Ur the one who accused me of vaguing when I didn't??? Ur the one who ghosted all the time??? They're like "how was I supposed to know you weren't vaguing about me?" And "I was saying we all need to change so that we can all be more honest with each other and open with each other" like. Any time I wasn't honest with you I was just agreeing with you so that you wouldn't ghost me but okay I'm definitely one of the people at fault for not being able to trust each other. I STILL don't know what they mean "we need to be more open and honest with each other" like? Any other time I was open and honest with them??? But also they're like "you ghosted me for a week because we argued about kids" and then they accused me of saying they weren't important enough for me to think about! Okay I NEVER did that?? And I have a friend who agreed they don't remember me ever saying that. The most I might've said is "not everything's about you" harsh perhaps but! Not what they claimed I said. Not to mention I didn't ghost you for a week because of kids I ghosted you because I was sick of you ghosting me! But ok! Anyway they go on to say that "if we can't figure this out without fighting then we shouldn't be friends" Pretty much all I've done is defend myself against ur accusations and say I don't need to change because I don't. But like ok! I'm like. I never said you weren't important and I'm justified in my ghosting! They did that shit and just had everything go back to normal so many times I think I can be mad once okay. Im rlly like. U know what I've been a good friend??? And I don't think I need to change and this is ur loss. They're rlly like "I didn't say u weren't allowed to get mad but ur getting on my case for ghosting when u just did the exact same thing" like yeah me doing it once in retaliation to ALL the times you did it is definitely equal to u doing it over any disagreement..... ok! They were like "I've swallowed my pride and apologized" and I'm like. Honestly? U've hardly apologized u've been a shitty friend and I'm glad u think u need to change because u rlly fuckin do and I hope ur able to do that for ur friends in the future! So we ain't friends anymore and I'm not in that group chat!

But rlly y'all?? They're behavior was lowkey reminding me of this bitch of a toxic ass friend I had for a bit and due to the aftermath of that friendship I tried to kill myself so like?

But again the problem here is like. We still have mutual friends and I would never expect them to choose between us two or anything but. They've known each other a lot longer and I've never had friends for a long time due to having to move around a lot as a kid and stuff and I'm just sick of losing friends and being lonely y'all,

But I stood up for myself for once! jokes on me I stand up for myself one (1) time and everything goes to shit huh.

Anyway is this rant considering vaguing??? Smh they blocked me so I doubt they'd see it but. It's not vague enough to be vaguing and even if it was who cares I feel like I'm allowed to vent about it by now. On no I told all two followers about this, how terrible of me. 

 Perhaps im bitter,,, I'm going through it rn y'all