#I am dumb. I am immature. I am too stupid to understand anything. I don’t deserve any more respect than what they give me

[cryptid-on-a-string]

why is it that the friends that are actually nice to me are the ones that I barely ever get to see ???

[solart13]

For an art request can you please draw one of your headcanons?

I’m not entirely sure if this would be considered a headcanon or not but I like the thought that Aizawa is more emotionally open around Mic and that he values him a lot.

[Long wall of text of my thoughts and opinions incoming]

Like, I understand the comedy aspect of Aizawa being somewhat of a dick towards Mic seeing as that is how their dynamic is often portrayed as in the show, i.e. Aizawa being annoyed/putting up with Mic’s shenanigans. Their relationship does get more expanded upon in the Hospital raid arc but even then, Aizawa being more of a fan-favourite because, among other things, he’s part of the main cast gets more fleshed out than Mic despite Oboro having been both of their friend. In the hospital after the raid, Aizawa shows a certain degree of dismissiveness of Mic’s feelings, which yes, I can understand may be because he didn’t want to talk about it and that was his way of coping, but remember that they are alone and it has been shown that he is often more open with his feelings and opinions when it’s just the two of them, not to mention that Mic is now his only surviving friend from back in their days at U.A. At least maybe show the audience Aizawa having some kind of emotional reaction to the fact that Midnight, a close friend of theirs, who has impacted his life a lot, ex. with sending in an application to U.A, has just died.

And like I said, I do understand and actually like the more teasing side of their relationship but what I don’t like is when it’s just Aizawa treating Mic poorly and Mic is depicted as the stupid comic relief when his character is a lot more nuanced.

As previously mentioned, however, Mic is just a side character which means the show and the creator won’t bother making him more complex than necessary (often to further Aizawa’s story) which means that the fanbase who don’t think too much about him as a character will just staple him as the comic relief (which I want to make clear is totally fine because we all have characters we focus on more than others, be it a comfort character or simply just caring for one character more than another).

What I don’t like is when it’s clear that someone favours Aizawa more than Mic in the Erasermic relationship and portrays Mic as “inferior” to Aizawa and bases his character off of his stereotypes (ex. being loud all the time and acting immature) and won’t look past that. Fortunately, I rarely stumble upon this sort of interpretation and I want to once again make it clear that it’s fine if you like one character more in a ship, my point is that I personally dislike when the other character in the relationship isn’t given at least some of that focus and is more like an accessory than anything.

For me with the Erasermic dynamic, I like when a clear balance is shown. I personally am a big fan of Mic and I like breaking his character down to its bare bones and giving him more depth than the source material does…so basically making my own headcanons about him lol. But I also like Aizawa a lot and I guess my guilty pleasure is portraying them in a healthy and equal companionship where Mic isn’t the only one who openly shows his appreciation.

So, uh, yeah. That was a lot lol. Apologies for the long wait, I had an exam a few days ago and finally had some free time to work on the request. I hope the drawing is sufficient and correlates to the wall of text above.

On another note, here’s an extra little headcanon of these two being two of the smartest characters in the show, yet not hesitating to egg each other on when it comes to dumb ideas (I drew this in like 5 seconds and barely put any effort into it lol)

[maxdibert]

Hi again!! so I was that anon that asked about Draco, but I loved reading your opinion on him :)

I think I'm slowly warming up to him as a character because he seems more realistic/complex compared to how Harry is treated like this Chosen One with unrealistic traits in the earlier books/movies. And ur right, he did certain questionable things but people forget that he was raised/fed propaganda about the Death Eaters and Voldemort's ideology, shaping his worldview and his Dad being the main giver of this propaganda. Plus, once he realizes what he did he shows guilt and reluctance, like in Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows, hinting at his internal conflict. Unlike Harry, whose heroism is idealized, Draco’s growth is more nuanced and flawed.

And idk why but Snape seems to be a better father figure, he seems to be the most likable teacher in the story— like, everyone else like everyone else like Dumbledore or McGonagall, while "great" in their own ways, feel distant or overly idealized + Dumbledore is way too cryptic. Teachers like Trelawney are sympathetic since all magic is controlled/dumbed down by a stupid Ministry. Snape's complexity, despite his flaws, makes him feel more relatable and grounded + Harry's dad did bully him.

I am developing an idea (for a larger multifandom story arc) where Draco ends up being fully sick of the whole wizard conflict, and Snape too- so they end up running away from the HP world, through a disappearing act right when Harry tries to retaliate after Dumbledore died. Now, this isn't to spite JKR or anything but an idea I came up with if Draco ended up choosing neutrality and rejecting the war's ideologies.

Anyways, I'd like to hear ur thoughts ^^

Helloooo! Good morning btw hahahah

Well, I’ve always seen Draco as a modern version of Regulus (which isn’t surprising since, after all, they’re family). Both are boys raised under a set of ideas they never questioned, but when the moment came to confront what it truly meant to put those ideas into action, they realized it involved doing things they didn’t like. This is something that happens a lot in real life and feels very realistic to me. I don’t think Draco completely let go of his own prejudices or conservative ideas, but there’s a huge difference between having problematic thoughts and actually wanting to exterminate people. A 12-year-old like Draco might spout off absolute barbarities he heard at home (like wishing Hermione would die), but he’s a 12-year-old kid who has no clue about the nonsense he’s saying. He doesn’t understand what death means or what it’s like to see someone dead. Once he experiences that years later, it horrifies him terribly.

Draco is an incredibly realistic character, and that’s why I find him likable.

Now, Harry is a much more complex issue because, in general, he’s an unrealistic character. His way of dealing with trauma—pretending everything is fine—is unrealistic. The fact that he doesn’t suffer from PTSD after living with the Dursleys is unrealistic. The way he conveniently holds grudges against certain characters but forgives Sirius overnight for attacking Ron in PoA while trying to catch Pettigrew—without even a proper apology—is also unrealistic. But in the end, it’s just Rowling deliberately and conveniently ignoring the consequences certain characters’ actions might have on Harry because it doesn’t suit her for readers to question whether those characters are morally dubious. She also doesn’t want to delve into Harry’s internal conflicts regarding them. It’s the same with Lupin being a total piece of crap to Tonks. It’s completely glossed over because Rowling wants to keep portraying him as a saintly, good guy. So, abandoning his pregnant wife gets resolved in two pages, and then we all move on as if nothing happened, lol.

I’m not sure I fully buy into Snape as a father figure, but I’m also not sure I completely reject it. I think Severus was very childish due to his traumas and the emotional immaturity they caused. This is evident in how he interacts with his students. The jabs he throws at them often reflect an adolescent mindset—he’s stuck in that stage because he couldn’t overcome a series of events. And then there’s the added layer of being “trapped” in the place where all those things happened to him. His reactions when triggered are those of a teenager who hasn’t yet learned to control himself.

His moments of camaraderie with the Slytherins clearly echo what his adolescence must have been like—encouraging the strong in his house. Except now, he’s the strong one, the one with power and authority. This creates a stark contrast and a strong dissonance with his other role, which is protecting the students—something he takes very seriously. Honestly, Dumbledore is a cynical, negligent jerk who doesn’t give a damn about his students unless they serve his future plans. McGonagall seems to have stayed out of all the plots Dumbledore and Severus had going, so we can’t really blame her. But Severus was tasked with protecting the children, and he genuinely protected them. In that sense, he might be the most responsible adult at Hogwarts, maybe even the only professor truly concerned about ensuring none of them ended up dead. However, this contrasts heavily with the way he treats them, which is hard for readers to understand if they don’t look beyond his image as a mean teacher.

What I do believe is that he cared about Draco. Just as his treatment of Harry reflected his unresolved issues with James and his guilt over what happened with Lily, I also think Severus projected onto Draco the gratitude he felt toward Lucius for probably being the first to accept him into Slytherin, opening many doors for him. In fact, I think Severus must have been quite close to the Malfoys on a personal level. Narcissa trusted him enough to ask him to make the Unbreakable Vow and to place her son’s life in his hands, knowing she would do anything for Draco. That suggests a close relationship behind the scenes.

Anyway, I don’t think Draco ever left the wizarding world. I could see him keeping a low profile, wanting to stay out of the spotlight, and focusing on managing his inheritance or pursuing activities that didn’t require him to go out much. But I don’t see him leaving the magical world entirely. He received a very specific type of education, and while his ideas about exterminating Muggle-borns likely vanished after the war, he was still an aristocrat with no reason to reject his lifestyle. I do see him adopting a much more moderate and cautious outlook, though.

Severus, on the other hand, would’ve left. Severus would’ve locked himself away in some remote place where no one would think to look, dedicating himself to his studies and potions, and telling everyone to go to hell. Severus was utterly fed up, but he didn’t have any options.

[dumbstuffuniverse]

The sunflowers are blooming across from my neighbourhood and I wish I could take you there and take a bunch of cute pictures. I should have taken you there a long time ago.

Should have, should have, should have. My mind has always been retrospective, I’ve had trauma and regret for a long time. I had hated that my very first “relationship” was being talked about and mocked in our dumb little school. People and “friends” openly mocking a 15 year old, who had just lost his dad two years earlier, for getting cheated on by his first girlfriend. There was an emptiness, trauma, and hopelessness from my father’s death that was calmed by, admittedly, a stupid teenage crush. To have that bandage be ripped off and then stabbed even more in the most public fashion fucked me up. One of my closest friends from kindergarten who would call her a whore to my face, then dated her without hesitation. Neither her, or him ever acknowledged what they did to me and apologize, good ol Christian folks they were. But kids are self-obsessed idiots, and I was no exception.

All of this made me very protective and private with my personal life. I don’t know what drew you to me. If it was just thinking I’m cute or being attracted to a broken “bad boy” or both. Either way, you got me through the most miserable time of my life. But that trauma affected me and still does to this day. When my personal life was being talked about again, I would lash out at you for it.

Then there were the emails.

My most personal and intimate conversations were distributed throughout my school, right before graduation. I wondered why people were being weird around me, I wondered why I wasn’t invited to anything during grad. You have always been the person I was the most open with, and boy was I open in those messages.

I found out what happened on my 18th birthday a month or so later. A small part of me always wondered if it was actually a hack or if you sent it to someone on purpose after I annoyed you or made you angry, and then they sent it to other people and it all spiralled from there. You had a knack for vindictiveness after all. All of that fucked me up even more.

I remember running into people from high school while I was in university and almost every time, it was brought up. Even if you did send them on purpose, you were probably very justified in your anger.

If I could go back, sure, I wouldn’t have sent those emails to you to save the embarrassment, but if I could only take back one moment from high school, it would be that one disgusting email I sent you. I don’t even remember what I wrote, but I know that it wasthe first and only time I have ever purposefully tried to hurt you. I felt personally violated, I was emotionally immature, I was angry and I took it out on you with what I do best: words.

It was horrible, and to this day, I’m so sorry Tash.

All of this formed a response that was understandable, but so disproportionate. I didn’t talk about my relationship with other people, I didn’t share pictures of us, and I put up walls around myself when it came to anyone who tried to be involved in my relationship. It worked fine with my family and friends, they didn’t really have an opinion on my personal life anyways, but it affected how I treated you and your family. It led to neglect and toxicity that bled into our relationship. A part of that probably contributed to how defensive I was that day with your family. Thinking about these things add context to what has happened, it’s given me clarity on who I am and why I did things in certain ways, and it allows me to grow from it rather than let it define me forever. The thing that pains me the most is that it’s probably too late. I know what kind of love you needed and I’m no longer afraid or embarrassed to show it, but so much damage has already been done.

The last few years, I’ve slowly killed that sad and insecure child, and have started to become the man I have always needed to be. I’m still growing though, no one should ever stop reflecting on and improving themselves. With you gone, I feel as broken as I did back in high school when all those traumatic things happened, but I won’t let myself be defined by my pain.

You were there throughout this entire journey, I’m so blessed and thankful for that. I just wish I could have grown for you quicker, and I wish you could be there to see what I’m truly capable of when I finally and completely get out of my own way.

I love you and I’m sorry you had to be hurt by this long and difficult journey I have been on. I wouldn’t have made it without you.

[erineverly]

pale blue eyes remain fixated on his face, studying his expression as a sense of dread washes over her. she can feel that familiar sensation, something akin uncomfortable tingling, brewing deep inside her belly, her heartbeat accelerating. she might be naive at times, not the most intelligent or sensible person in the room, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going on inside axl’s head. she can see question marks written all over his face, sense that he’s debating whether this whole reunion thing is worthwhile. “i thought you were playing when you asked if i was embarrassed to wash you. you know, just kind of messing with me? i didn’t realize you were serious. i wanted to act silly and play along.” and amuse him, but clearly that didn’t work out so she trails off, averting her gaze. actually, it all backfired and blew up in her face. “thanks for telling me this, axl,” she says quietly, letting his words sink in. she doesn’t blame him for feeling awkward and insecure. she shouldn’t have been teasing him about his appearance in the first place. it’s a sensitive subject for most people, but especially for someone who’d been bullied as a child. “you don’t make me feel uncomfortable, not in the slightest.” she wonders if he believes her at this point, if anything she says is registering or immediately being dismissed as lie in his head. “i think you’re the most handsome man in the world and i could spend hours just marveling at your body,” she admits, blushing faintly because it feels somewhat awkward to be voicing her most private thoughts, gushing over him in front of him, but she simply has to let him know. she doesn’t want him to keep wondering, even though part of her is almost certain he won’t believe her anyway.

“yeah, that would definitely hurt my feelings. i wouldn’t want you to say stuff like this even as a joke.” now that she’s actually thinking about it, she can’t understand what possessed her to act so immaturely in the first place, especially in a moment like this when he’s so vulnerable. “i know it won’t make you feel better but i really am sorry. it was very inconsiderate of me.” how many notes has she written promising to be more considerate? how many times has she apologized for saying something dumb and hurting his feelings? how many fights have they had over something similar? countless times, that’s the answer to all these questions and when she blushes again… it’s purely out of embarrassment. she’s twenty-five and yet she so often acts like a twelve year old. it has to change. “well, i clearly am so we might just admit that. i can be a huge asshole,” she insists, feeling like she can’t shy away from the truth or she’ll never change her ways. she wishes the ground would open up and swallow her, but she deserves to stay right where she is and feel as uncomfortable as she’s feeling. she nods her head in acknowledgement and stands up to make room for him when he tells her that he’s getting cold and wants to climb out, but once again is completely unsure what she’s supposed to do with herself. look away? and risk making him feel that she really isn’t attracted to him? keep her gaze trained on him? and make things more awkward? she doubts he wants her gawking at him now. he probably genuinely wants her out the room, maybe out his life, too. “i just —” she pauses, deciding to keep looking at him, her eyes hoping to find his as she swallows audibly. “that was a stupid, insensitive joke what i just did, but… i sometimes look away while you’re changing or try not to stare while you’re showering just because i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by staring at you. it’s that simple, axl. it’s not because i don’t find you attractive. i do. i think you’re incredibly attractive,” she sighs, wishing she knew more about intimacy and what exactly he expects of her. “i’m awkward, and i know that it’s not an excuse for making dumb jokes or looking away and hurting your feelings… but i want you to try and see this from my perspective. i sometimes want privacy and i immediately assume that so do you.” she picks up his shaving cream off the counter, mostly just to occupy her hands with something, but then turns to face him again and adds, “you need to talk to me about this more.” and try not to take everything so personally.

silently questioning it, how is he supposed to know she was playing when she’s always doing that? “oh, okay, well i didn’t know.” but then again he doesn’t really like to even play like that, not really. especially when he thinks she’s being serious and sincerely that childish. when he wrote sweet child about her, he didn’t mean he loves those childish qualities about her that she embodies. he likes that their souls connect because there is broken children inside them, but this is the part he really hates and doesn’t make sense between them because she’s too childish at times. it’s like being with someone who really is a child in the worst way. “well, i feel like your brother when you’re ew’ing me.” he states plainly, then he waits for her to leave and get upset like she usually would do. but somehow that doesn’t happen and erin stays. “yeah, it’s okay. and i’m not shutting you out, i was just telling you.” and relieved she’s being reasonable about it. “that you don’t need to stay in here if i make you feel uncomfortable because i’m naked.” she doesn’t need to stay here at all, if that’s what it is because he’s not going to make it last with someone who makes him feel as they’re siblings. something feels very weird about it. and it makes him wonder if he’s messing up, by letting her stay the night and all the promises he already made. when he could go out and attempt to date new women and see if this is how things are with other women. would they ew him too? or be like him, admiring and being in love with the way each other look. hell, when he dives off stage those women are trying to tear his pants off not keep them on. so that gets him to thinking.

“yeah what if i said i need to bleach my eyes out when you’re in the bathtub?” that’s not shit wives and husbands say to each other. that’s shit people who aren’t attracted to each other say. it’s fucking embarrassing. it definitely embarrassed him. “it’s okay.” he doesn’t feel super confident he’s that great looking, so when she does things like that he’s convinced and paranoid there’s something to be embarrassed about and makes him think he’s just that scrawny kid in school girls didn’t like then once again. “you’re not an asshole.” just apparently not attracted to him. but— he has to look at it as an easy fix or he’ll get in a rut about it. there’s parties every night in l.a., if he wants to feel like someone’s attracted to him he’ll just head to one of those places. “i’m getting cold now, so i’m gonna get out.” as a warning. now that all the water is drained and he’s still been sitting here, after feeling too uncomfortable to move. he takes the towel and spreads it out over his lap when he lets his legs relax back in front of him, so she doesn’t have to see and get her eyes burned out with anything, then stands and connects it around his waist.

[birds-over-friends]

A part 2 to love

He’s back. I swear he’s haunting me. Following my every move but to be honest I don’t think he cares enough to. Am I starting to be that crazy psycho bitch again or does he really care? I don’t know it’s hard to tell what my feelings are; everything’s a blur and you’re the cause. Blurs are all I think. All I hear. The way I feel about you is so defined yet undefined all at once. You make me lose my mind. Hate you, love you, cry, laugh. You fucked me up once I shouldn’t let you do it again but it’s so hard not to let you in. I miss you, you’re a good friend but that’s not what others say. I’m losing friends, I can feel it, all because I can’t help my feelings. Why does everyone have to be mean? I don’t want to like him as much as you guys don’t want me to but I just don’t want to lose him again. We stayed up one night, but even alone as we had a mutual on the phone, but yet I lose it every time you smile, laugh, do some stupid shit, hug me or do literally anything. You do everything and nothing all at once you’re fucking me up again, I can feel it, but what do I do? My friend got genuinely angry at me all because of you and my feelings but why is that their problem? I get they want to protect me and don’t want to see me cry over the same guy every time but they just won’t understand I can’t help the way I feel. Trust me if I could I wouldn’t like him. With his silly little mustache and his silly little personality, and his perfect eyes and god his mouth m. Oh my god his mouth. I refuse to tell anyone I know but god he looks so kissable. His lips look so soft. I want to just kiss him but I could never. He doesn’t like me. Why oh why wont he like me? He seem so nice and yet he acts the way he does. He’s funny, genuinely, and I love his voice. Oh god do I love his voice. It’s deep and warm yet not too deep it’s scary. God I wish he was gay. Why can’t you just be gay? I swear you are with the things you say but you laugh them off and say “I was kidding I’m not actually gay” and not in a bad or homophobic way but god why can’t you be? I need an ick so bad. Be racist, homophobic, transphobic something oh please have something wrong with you. The only wrong I see is that you were immature when you were younger and now you’re a little dumb. You seem to not understand what you’re doing to me. I’m the crazy psycho bitch for thinking you like me but all the signs.. is it really me? Even with this I can’t seem to shake this, whatever it is. Is it love? I don’t know. Is it lust? Definitely not. We’re going on a year and 3 months of this stupid little thing. Why oh why must I like you so much? I could write pages for hours about how I love (?) you. What am I doing wrong? Or is it what you’re doing is wrong? On the contrary, are neither of us wrong? I feel like we’re soulmates, met at the wrong time but I know you don’t feel that way. I know I shouldn’t assume but if you just knew the way he acted you’d know too. I wish I could explain it and maybe one day I will. Til’ next time, -Your lvr boy

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

hey can you do a holland!sister where holland family are going to watch cherry for the first time and tom doesn’t let her watch and they start to argue

Too Young

Tom Holland X Sister!Reader, Holland Family X Sister!Reader

Summary: You want to watch Cherry but it's rated R.

Warnings: argument, insults.

Reader's age: 11

A/n: Thank you for the request!!! I don't know much about cherry as I haven't seen it but here you go!

The holland family was getting ready to watch Tom's newest movie. The only problem was the youngest Holland. Tom had been meaning to tell you that you have to stay in your room during it. So when you came down the stairs to join your family, this didn't go over well.

"You can't watch this movie with us. I thought tom told you to stay upstairs?" Sam asked. You pouted in confusion.

"Why can't I watch?" You asked as Tom walked back into the kitchen with snacks. Tom cursed to himself remembering that he had to tell you.

"It's rated R." Paddy said. You frowned in confusion.

"Then why do you get to watch it? Your not an adult."

"That's not what rated R means Princess." Harry said.

"Y/n it's too scary for you to watch please go upstairs?" Tom asked after he sat down the snacks.

"No! Why am I the only one not allowed!" You crossed your arms. You were allowed to watch all his other movies. "It can't be that scary."

"Your too immature." Paddy stated.

"Not helping." Tom gritted to his baby brother before walking over to you. He thought for a second about how to fix this. "You have to be older to watch it."

"That's dumb! Why can't I watch it now? Paddy gets to watch it!"

"Because it's for 16 and up." Tom covered. You looked at him unsure.

"That's stupid!"

"Ooh watch the language." Tom tried to joke to cheer you up but failing as you just glared at him.

"You're not Steve Rogers."

"She got you there." Harry laughed from his spot on the couch.

"Shut up." You grumbled to your other brother.

"Hey! Don't tell you, brother, to shut up." Nikki warned you.

"Sorry." You gave a half-assed apology before returning to your argument with your oldest brother. "Please let me watch you." Changing tactics you used puppy eyes.

"Your gonna have nightmares." Tom said.

"No, I won't!" You defended. "I'll be fine." He sighed.

"You can't watch it!" He said a bit too loudly. You pouted more before storming up the stairs to your room. "Shit." He muttered.

"Mate you fucked up," Sam said chuckling at his sibling's dispense, after a glare from his parents and smack on the shoulder from his twin though he shut up.

"You have to fix that Hunny." Nikki told her oldest son.

"We'll wait for you." Dom assured. Tom nodded taking a deep breath before head g up the stairs.

You were mad at your brother, but mostly sad he never yelled at you and he wasn't letting you watch one of his movies. He was letting Paddy watch and he was only 5 years older than you. So now you sat on your bed glaring at the door. Not even 5 minutes after you got to your room did Tom come knock on the door.

"What!" You shouted quickly wiping your tears away before the door opened.

"Princess. I'm sorry for yelling at you." He apologized.

"Whatever." You grumbled turning away from him.

"Come on what can I do for you to forgive me." He asked. You smirked, perfect.

"Let me watch the movie with you guys."

"That isn't happening, darling. But tell you what after you can come down and pick any PG movie and we'll watch it together." He bargain. You thought for a second. You much rather watch this movie, with the rest of your family, but he rarely did have time to watch movies with you just him.

"Only us?" You inquired.

"Of course." He agreed sitting next to you on your bed. You thought about it again.

"Any movie I want?"

"Yep, anything. As long as it isn't rated R... We can watch it in my room so you can pick a pg-13 movie too." He whispered. It was rare you got to watch pg-13 movies unless your older brother was in them. Which was a rule you didn't understand nor did your siblings but it was whatever.

"And snacks?" You inquired one last time.

"Of course a movie night isn't complete without snacks!"

"Fine." You agreed. He smiled hugging you.

"Thank you. Please stay upstairs until after the movie."

"You got it." You said but crossed your fingers behind your back. He gave you a look.

"Hands up." You pouted putting your hands up. He smirked.

"How dare you try to to do that to me? Now promise, with your hands up."

"I won't go downstairs until the movie is over." You said pouted while he smiled.

"Thank you, Princess." He hugged you before making his way out of your room and to the living rooms where the family was waiting.

"Took you forever." Harry laughed once Tom finally made it downstairs.

"Shut up mate. I had to promise her a movie night of our own just so she'd promise not to come down." Tom sighed grabbing his drink and sitting down.

"No wonder you're her favorite." Paddy grumbled.

[dollymadness]

I have request: bakugo, tamaki, mirio reacting to reader yelling at them. Make it angsty. Pls. Hi btw. 👀

heyy muah 😽

mirio togata (x abusive reader)

"Hi, sunshine!" Mirio was late for the date. Again.

"Where were you?" You ask, with a extremely polite tone, and his eyes already loose all the light they had when he saw you.

"I'm sorry, darling, Eri wanted to play a little more and i-"

"And again you choose her over me, right? I'm starting to figure out your priorities in life." You insist on the calm, low way to say your words, and stare at him with murder eyes.

"She is a little girl... i love her as... as a daughter. H-how can you say something like that..." Mirio is starting to breakdown, starting to doubt his own feelings.

"I'm being realistic." You grab his arm and stick your nails deep on his skin. "She is not your daughter, and you'll never be able to cover the emptiness she already holds. Only a fool like you to think that she could ever see you as a father figure... All you do is be clingy and annoying around her!" Togatas eyes drops to the ground and he plays with the sleeve of his shirt to avoid the tears.

"It's ok if she does not see me like that..." He offers you a depressed smile. "All i want is to ease her pain, even if it's just a little. And i need to take care of her-"

"Of course... guess i'm just overeacting again, sorry. I don't need your attention and support as she does..." You know exactly what to say to put some guilt on his back.

"No-no, don't say that! Your feelings are important to me too, and i'm so sorry that i let you down again, i swear i won't repeat this..."

"Tsc... the same thing you said last time. And here we are, having the same discussion... you're so dumb i swear-"

"I'm sorry... let's just... enjoy our date?"

"Hah- Funny how you say that you care but try to avoid the topic at all costs."

"I'm- fuck, how could i be so unsensitive...? do it, tell me everything you are feeling. I promise i'll fix."

"Don't make promises you can't keep. The only thing that could solve this problem would be you let go of this... this... stupid child!" You stop the pressure on his arm and start gentle massaging the place. "It's between me and her. I won't take excuses this time."

"But, but..." Mirio take a moment to think of the best words choice. "Eri makes me so happy... after i lost my quirk my days has been only her... she helps me to forget too..."

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?" The tone makes him focus on you again.

"No..."

"SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You point an accusing finger to his face and straight your posture.

Before talking again, you take a good, long, amused look at how destroyed he is. A tiny smile emerges.

"I don't have time to your FUCKING VICTMISM! 'After i lost my quirk' *cry noises* THAT'S BULLSHIT. DEAL WITH IT! RECOVER ALREADY, USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!" You push him.

"You're right..." Togata feels like an idiot. Why can't he just surpass the pain? Why does he need someone to do it? He has one simple task and he keeps failing.

Useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless...

"DID I SAY THAT YOU COULD FUCKING SPEAK?" You aren't done with him yet. "WHY ARE YOU SO ANNOYING? YOU... SELFISH BITCH! Can't you think of others feelings for once? Damn..."

Mirio is taking everything you give him with a fake smile, but he can't stop the tears. You're right, you always are.

Is his fault. If only he had make to the date in time, if he was able to not always talk about himself-

"ANSWER ME NOW, UNWANTED TRASH!"

"I'm being so s-selfish..." The tears empaze his words in a way that would be painful to anyone that watched, but not for you. Tears mean that you won. "I apologize for being uncapable to solve my own problems... Please..."

"I'm done with this. Have fun babysitting Eri, because you just lost me." You proceed to walk away, but Togata runs to you.

"I can't do this alone. Don't leave me, please! I swear i'll be good, i will be always happy to you and you won't even notice my selfish problems. I promise, just please, PLEASE..." Mirio begging after all the yelling, all the bad things he heard... is the prove you needed that he is eating on the palm of your hand.

"I don't need a fucking dependent on my back!" With this, the sweet smile finally fades as he lets out a sad whimper.

"NO! I love you so much, give me just one more chance!" None of the "other times" were his fault either, but he felt as it was.

"I can't, you are destroying me, Mirio...."

"It wasn't the intention..." You turn away and he starts panicking. "I'LL DO ANYTHING, I'M BEGGING!"

"I already told you what i want you to do." You know that you're incisive and painfully killing any sign of joy he once saw.

"Sure, i-i will..." He is a crying mess, just to think that he would have to give up on his favorite person to have you.

"Amazing... Are you crying, love? Aw, don't be like that, shh... I'm sorry, i took it too far. I need to learn how to hide my feelings... shh.... It's ok." You hug him and pats his head, he doesn't stop crying. (this is not comfort and it's not a soft ending for clear reasons)

All the insults spin on his head, as he shakily curls into your chest.

Tamaki:

"Fairy... really, Tamaki?" The question floated in the air, as Amajiki only stared at his hands.

"S-she is m-my friend..."

Were she inducing him into flirt? Yes.

But did he tried to stop it? No.

You got so mad, watching your boyfriend sit there and watch as his "friend" threw herself to him.

"And because she is your friend, you think you are allowed to flirt with her?" It felt like you were dealing with a child, holding back your anger and jealousy so he don't get hurt.

"W-wasn't flirtying..."

"Oh, right. So how do you call it?"

"C-complimenting my friend..?" He makes himself as smaller as he can and waits, never staring at you.

"Are you playing dumb with me? She was obviously seducing you and you didn't move an inche!" It's so tiring how he can't stand for himself.

"I was being friendly..."

"FRIENDLY?" He flinches, starting to tremble and whisper to himself. "YOU WOULD'VE CHEATED ON ME IF I DIDN'T STOP HER!"

"N-no..." Tamaki hates screams so much.

"LIAR! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE TOO INNOCENT, IT'S SO-"

You look at Tamaki and he is sobbing, asking for forgiviness but is barely audible. It breaks your heart when he starts punching himself.

The world is all blurry to Amajikis, he hates this part of his personality so much, and you were the only one that he thought understands him, that you understood how hard it is for him, but he is trying his best.

"Tamaki?" You were calling him since you noticed that you were screaming, but he spaced out. "I'm sorry, oh my god, answer me-"

The only one he thought fully understands...

"Sorry, baby!!! Look at me, oh fuck!"

Liar? Cheater? Is this all you have to say about him? Coudn't be more caring with the words?

Is in times like this that we really get to know someone, he ponders.

"I-i-i c-can't d-do this any-anymore..." He then runs for his life.

Amajiki told Mirio and Nejire about everything, and aa the protectors they are, both helped him to avoid you as the month passed.

Came to the point that Tamaki alone didn't look at you anymore, your face alone make him feel anxious.

and that was when you knew that the lovebirds feel apart.

Bakugo

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Katsuki was raging, for the third time this week.

"Angel, i would like it better if we sit here and talk..."

"Who cares about what you think?" He is stubborn, you can tell after 2 years of dating.

"Katsuki, stop being immature for a minute." You aren't on the mood to take his drama today, and he doesn't notice that he is crossing a line.

"What about YOU stop being A WHORE, SHITTY PERSON!"

Katsuki is mad at you for posting a pic with your guy bestfriend. His jealousy is getting out of hand, the photo has none romantic appealing.

"You better apologize now." You're firm with him, not backing up even when the little explosions start on his hands.

"I am the one to apologize? Fuck no."

"I literally did nothing wrong and you are screaming, of course you are going to apologize!"

"NOTHING WRONG?" Bakugo walks away so he won't hurt you. "YOU AND THAT LOSER POSTING PHOTOS TOGHETER WAS WHAT? A NIGHTMARE?" he replys to you and proceeds to spit.

"You're... disgusting, you know that?"

"SHUT UP! I'm very dissapointed with-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" You suddenly stand for yourself, gaining confidence out of nowhere.

Katsuki is silent. He just heavy breaths and stare at you with seems like fear.

"I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK TO WHAT YOU THINK!" You yell and he is taken aback by your response, closing his eyes and trying to take more air.

"I HATE YOU! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE, IT'S USELESS!" You start taking your things to walk away. "I won't insist into a failed relationship anymore."

He can't move.

All those years, he was the one pointing fingers at you, he was the one accusing.

And he doesn't know what to do now.

Katsuki is still upset, and his pride says to stay right where he is and pray for you to come back.

But he is not cold hearted as it seems, he wants you more than anything. Maybe he should give up only this time

Or maybe not.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No.

YES

NO!!!

YES!!!!!!

By the time he is able to decide, you are already out of his sigh, out of the shopping you guys had agreed to met in, and you are out of your rational state.

Katsuki was not able to find you that day.

Katsuki was not able to fix it.

End </3

[feysandfeels]

I gathered you read the chapter... how are we feeling, any thoughts you might want to share?

There I was, writing on my journal after a decent day at work when this fucking bomb exploded quite literally on my lap. But fear not I am here and we shall discuss until we can make fucking sense of it.  Should I even warn you of the length of this post, or are we all on the same “Luisa can’t synthesise for shit” boat now?

I. Azriel

I will start by saying that this does not make me hate Azriel or stop caring for him and wanting what’s best for him. I still do very much love him. This however does not mean I applaud or get behind how he expressed himself during this specially chapter. For me it was quite disturbing to see how he saw Elain merely as a sexual partner and thought that that translated into love. If he had made the distinction between being physically attracted to her and being in love with her, then I don’t think we would all be feeling like we are. Because it is fair to be sexually attracted to someone but not necessarily in love with them.

From what we saw I think we can gather that Azriel knows Mor is not into him and in his grief from all those years being in love he wants something immediate and there. On top of that he sees his brothers settled and feels like he is owed from the cauldron, so of course he starts seeing Elain as the perfect “solution” to his pain. Now, of course Elain (and no one for that matter) should be seen a solution to anything really. Much less he should jump on that boat and already think of her as his. Az, my sweet, possessiveness is not love. 

When I first read the chapter something stood out for me, he said he’s envious of his brothers and the emotional stability they both have, the fact that they were both chosen by the ones they love. We know Az loved Mor with all his heart and although she loves him too, it was not corresponded on the same energy since she is well bisexual homoromantic. He, so far, does not feel chosen in that same sense, which only feeds his insecurity of being unworthy.

In his envy he oversimplified things, he saw what both Rhys and Cassian now have and did the simple most stupid math ever: he went Rhys+Feyre = love, Cass+Nesta = love... hummm then If I’m single and Elain is single then it must mean Az+ Elain = love. (Sugar I love you but that is dumb as fuck). This has the same energy of when you are in high school and you let your friends convince you that you are actually into someone when you are really not, but then you buy into it and start believing in it yourself. In this case he was the one who created that push and convinced himself that it was the right thing.

I think so far we can gather a few things of the place Az is at right now: he is feeling extremely lonely, extremely envious and extremely sad. I do not think this excuses his behavior at fucking all, but at least we know where he is coming from. He is clearly mistaking sexual attraction and possessiveness as love. But I do think it all stems from this turbulent place he is at emotionally, not because he is a bad person. 

I do not thing he is a bad person for thinking of Elain as he does, because I truly think this is a set up for the growth he will experience. Is it a good look? honey no. But is it a realistic one? I dare say it is. As I said when I read this I got full on high school bull shit vibes, I thought “ohh I’ve seen this film before and I have lived it”. He is being immature and there is no denying. Which was only confirmed with him regifting that necklace... sugar... that was a dick move, very fucking dickish move -specially since it was alluded that they might have feelings for each other–. My man needs to do some emotional growth because yikes. 

II. The Narrative

Now, I have said before that for me, Sarah’s strength lies not so much on her world building or the originality of her works (which is not to say that her worlds suck or her narratives are not interesting and offer something new), but it lies more on her characters. To me she has always excelled at creating characters that do exemplify the range of humanity in its good, its bad, and all that’s in between. Even you can look at stuff that your fave did and go “yeah not cool at fucking all”. At least I know I can and I adore almost every character in this series. I love characters not because they are perfect but because I can either relate to them or because they allow me to understand and experience points of view that are alien to my own experience. Sarah has never made characters black and white. Your faves will make mistakes. Feyre has, Rhysand has, Cassian has, Nesta has, Elain has, Lucien has, Mor has and Az has. 

What make her books interesting from this perspective is that she says “characters development does not equal character growth”. Take Chaol for example –if you haven’t read ToG do yourself a favor and read it– his character arc is one of the most interesting and best fulfilled ones in that series because we saw him at his lowest, when we couldn’t empathize exactly and he was being an ass, and then we saw him question his problematic behavior and move past it. Character development means just that: that the character move from point a to point b. It doesn’t mean he will be better by the end, but it means movement. Character growth does mean he will hopefully get  to a place where they are “good”.

I think she knows exactly what she is doing with Az and with this teaser. Need I remind you of the chaos the bonus chapter in ACOFAS left this fandom in for a solid two years. This got our emotions high and got us one way or another expecting to see where this will all lead. I don’t think any of us were expecting this chapter when it was announced that Az would get a pov. 

III. Conclusion

To conclude I just want to reiterate that I don’t support how he’s is behaving. I think I am accepting how he is behaving. Acceptance however does not meant that I am behind it, it means that I accept it and I am willing to stick around to see him grow out of this and realize why this is all so wrong (because well you know I can’t actively engage with him since he is... you know... fictional). I have had moments like this with some of my closest friends irl with whom we’ve had talks about previous behavior and have had the “be fucking better” talk, which is something that Rhys essentially said (GOD BLESS YOU BOO), and is also a sentiment most of us shared, even Feyre, when Rhys forced Mor to face both of her abusers and then didn’t consult her when selling Velaris off to her dad. And to me that is part of what friendship means, it means being there through the growth.  

Everyone has their own limits of what they can understand of a character/person. If this is your own then it’s fine, no harm no foul. If this is what makes you jump ship from Elriel (that’s their ship name right?) then hey all good, I’m sorry for your loss.  

I am not an Azriel hater, nor I think I will ever be. At least not from the information I have right now. I do still love him and as I have said before I want to see him happy and with a healthy amount of self confidence (and no Azriel saying you could easily kill Lucien is not the healthy self confidence I am talking about). So if anything I am interested in the arc his character will face, we just caught him at a moral low –which to me still has a solid chance of growth–.

I hope this offer some light or whatever. And remember take it easy, it’s okay to feel things deeply but don’t quit in the middle of the war, we still have his book coming up and I am 100% that will enlighten us more. 

ANYWAYS, LONG LIVE ELUCIEN BITCHES.

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[lizacstuff]

I'm sure others will ask this but what are you thoughts on the episode of SCK?? I love your in-depth analysis lol. I personally loved it!!! Also can I just say that the edser/hanker chemistry is off the charts lol. If this was the first episode I watched ever, without subtitles, their scenes would be a giant neon sign that says "THESE CHARACTERS ARE MADLY IN LOVE!!!". Eda was beyond cute/in love/adorable in this episode with serkan, girl has got it bad and I wish she didn't have her stupid grandmother and these insecurities in the way ahhh. I really love the Ayfer/Aydan duo, they're fun when they're together and Ayfer wasn't annoying like the last few EPs. Also, Balca can go choke lol, I'm so glad Serkan didn't fall for her trap for him to stay over!! He was like nah come to the party (my girl is waiting!!!). Was serkan about to tell Eda that he had to stop by her house? He seemed really nervous. ANYWAYS, I love EdSer and am going to go watch their scenes 1000x before next week 😭🥰

Thank you! I love Edser too!!!!  Like you, I enjoyed this episode, though it was despite some of the narrative issues (that I posted about here.) There were good, meaty Edser scenes, which is why I watch this show. Once again I'll start with the non-Eda/Serkan thoughts and then get to the feelsy stuff at the end.

Babaanne's introduction did not disappoint. The actress has the right energy for the role. I guess we now know why Eda has been adamant about cutting her out of her life, Babaanne is next level controlling and vindictive. We'll have to see how she develops and what her endgame motives are. Does she want her revenge more than she wants her granddaughter and daughter in her life? Or does she think if she wins and arranges everything including an advantageous marriage for Eda, Eda will eventually go along and decide it's awesome and reconciliation will come about that way? *evil laugh* She doesn’t know her granddaughter at all if she thinks that’s a possibility. 

(more under the cut)

I enjoyed her non-Balca scenes, especially when she was going toe-to-toe with Eda. That scene in Serkan's old upstairs office was intense, both actresses really brought it and kudos to Eda staying true to her defiant character. No one pushes her around. Prepare yourselves to see her waver a bit, I'm sure it's quite jarring to see your loved one in jail and know that he's there because of you, but she'll get to the point of fighting beside him. I have no doubt.

It was nice to see Ayfer protecting Aydan and Seyfi, it made for some great comedy and it was a good change after all of Ayfer's annoying, unrelenting negativity in general and about the Bolats. We'll see what happens between the two now that they appear to be vying for Chef Alexander's attention. Nesilhan just cracks me up when she's portraying Aydan play acting, the stilted voice she takes on is always hilarious to me, like when Ayfer was introducing "Aisun" to Serkan.  As we move forward, though, I want to see some badass Aydan. She  was introduced to us as a force of nature, so I hope we see that woman, a woman who will go to the mat for her son and Eda, emerge at some point. No hiding from Babaanne long term. Everyone needs to gear up to fight!

Peril and Engin got married! Their scene at home was really well done and gave me a bit better insight into them and why they might work. The only thing I was disappointed about here was that Serkan was not their witness. He counts them as some of his only friends and they didn't call him? Come on, show!  They could have easily structured the ep to have him get the call while there was chaos at his loft that morning and it would have been the perfect excuse for him to grab Eda and head to the wedding leaving the moms and Babaane to Chef Alexander.  It wouldn't have changed anything about the episode because Eda still could have gone to do her thing after the wedding and everything else would have been the same, except it all would have had a bit more heart. Missed opportunity there. 

I've decided that Ferit is a catch. At the beginning of the show he was just so naïve, that he seemed foolish, but he's really turned into a sweet, upstanding man. You hold on to him, Ceren. The irony in his relationship with Serkan is just outstanding to me, because ALL of this started because Serkan was willing to upend his own life (and Selin, Ferit and Eda's) will the sole goal of keeping Ferit out of his business, and now here we are 24 episodes later, Selin is long gone, Eda is the love of his life, and Ferit has turned into a solid, trust-worthy business partner and friend who is putting Babaanne in her place on the first day. Love to see it. 

Balca, that snake just gets more unhinged as we go along. Good GAWD. WTF is wrong with her? Her eventual comeuppance better be big. I'm really to the point that I can't enjoy any scene that she's in, it's just too maddening, because neither Serkan nor Eda are taking her seriously enough. Which I realize they don't know what we know, but dang I hope Serkan is finally connecting the dots because her behavior is not normal. As Eda says, who gives a gift like that to their boss? Who calls their new boss instead of the police when there's an intruder in the house?  By now he should be able to figure out she's manipulating him.  

Also how was she not daunted when she called and Eda was there?  What did she think would happen when he came to get the gift when he had Eda to get home to? On top of everything else she's shameless and delusional.  As for the gift, that was creepy AF. Did she seriously think that her boss, who she's known a week, would be romanced by that?  Or any man for that matter? Did Selin give her the impression he was so arrogant that this would be the perfect thing for him? As much as I want less of her on screen, I would like to know the thought process behind that embarrassing monstrosity. Because it was not a savvy move. But the good news is that no one was more creeped out by it than Serkan Bolat. It seemed to really unsettle him, which it should. It was nice to see Eda getting over her jealousy, perhaps that came with her decision to try and move forward. Before she was in this state of flux, deep-down wanting Serkan to be hers, but not being able to admit that and feeling an outside threat during that confusion. 

I saw some criticism of Eda because she was openly mocking and dismissive of Balca. However, while I agree her behavior was a tad immature at times... Balca was totally asking for it.  She's been at the company for mere days and her weird, manipulative, obsessive behavior is totally inappropriate. Also if she didn't take a hint from Eda opening mocking her, Eda picking out her gift from Serkan, Serkan deferring queries about his NYE plans to Eda, Eda being at his house when Balca called, I think we can safely say that Balca in unaffected by any of Eda's behavior, thus Eda isn't hurting anyone. While Balca is over here, claws out, trying to start a war. Balca is the villain here, not Eda for recognizing and making fun of it.

Despite the emotional inconsistencies between Eda and Serkan in this episode, during one scene they were hot, the next, one or the other was cold without rhyme or reason, there were many great conversations. I really enjoyed their conference room scenes in particular. Serkan confident and calming her down, Eda being enraged by Babaanne, but listening to him and letting him calm her down. 

His little Eda Bolat coffee cup gag was priceless, he did succeed in both diverting her and flirting with her in one suave move. Also a nice bit of foreshadowing there, which there was a lot of this episode. Not just this and the bouquet catch, but also every single one of their domestic scenes. 

As I said in this post, the rewrite, or whatever happened this episode, did cause some pretty big emotional inconsistencies from scene to scene. I know most people loved the scenes when Eda went to find Serkan, but it was a little whiplashy for me.  We go from Serkan being calm and collected and happily flirting with her about being Eda Bolat at the office, to a short time later him being moody and standoffish with her at his house? It's understandable that he would be upset at her suggestion that she leave the company, but I would think the man that broke her heart for her own good, would understand why she might think of  leaving in order to get rid of someone who is threatening him! 

It just felt like a weird time for him to hit his threshold with her, especially since this was when they were supposed to be heading to Paris (huge writing fail that there was no "Oh I guess we have to postpone Paris" throwaway line).  However, perhaps that was accelerated for him in the face of a real threat?  Like if it was just another day he's fine with her waffling and their little contract game, but he feels in his bones that this is go time and he needs to find out if she's ready for what's coming?  (Look at me finding reasons for the inconsistencies as I answer this ask, lmao).

Then the shaving scene was interesting. She starts by saying "Leaving was a dumb idea, I'm still here, I'll be by your side," which YAY and seems to me to be a huge step forward for her.... but then he doesn't feel it. Why exactly, didn't he feel it?  So then she transitions to the biggest head scratcher of the episode for me, and I really hope it's a translation fail. She basically references the movie they saw and says,  "If I could erase all memories of you, I would." Um... what? Is she really saying to him she wishes they never met? I sure hope there was some modifier in there, like "bad" memories only or something. It seemed way harsh and inconsistent with their feelings for one another. However, once he starts talking about being a machine before meeting her and his heart being too heavy without her, the dialogue is pretty great. He really bares his soul and she reciprocates with intimacy.  The second half of this scene is absolutely lovely. 

The visit to Aydan's house was interesting.  At some point I'm gonna need Aydan and especially Ayfer to step up when it comes to Babaanne.  Ayfer ran scared the whole episode and it's just not fair of her to leave the burden on Eda. Hopefully, she'll get there. There was a reason Babaanne told Eda not to tell Ayfer about the threats, and threatened harm to Serkan and family if she did so. I'm guessing Ayfer may be better equipped to deal with her mother than was suggested in this episode. The conversation about Eda running from her grandmother as a child and losing the bracelet was very affecting and well done, and thankfully Serkan was out of his sulky mood and in full-on supportive boyfriend mode. Phew, good to have you back, Serkan.

That throne Babaanne brought in was something else. Worth a good laugh. However, I feel like it highlights a few cracks we've already started to see in Babaanne's scary façade. First, there's the one I just talked about, with Babaanne not wanting Ayfer to know what she's up to, so we now know who might be successful in opposing her or might know things that could shut her down.. her daughter. Then this ridiculous throne move had to be her way of unsettling everyone, but as we see that fails with Serkan. He's pretty unflappable when it comes to her nonsense antics. 

Then Babaanne singles out Balca as her ally, which on one hand, it was astute of her to figure out who was the outsider, ripe for the picking, but she straight up choose the wack job, who let's face it, is not going to be all that competent of a foot soldier for her, because she has no allies and she's not in anyone's confidence. Plus she made that critical error with the present being so off-putting to Serkan. Balca might be able to cause problems, but she can’t get Serkan to transfer his affection for Eda onto her, so her usefulness here is limited. Babanne needed to try and fool someone like Melo, Ferit or Leyla. Prey on the nice ones who might try to be accommodating just so everyone gets along. 

Anyway, I loved the Edser scenes in the office, he brought her lemon water! My heart.  And I loved the meeting with the inner circle. Serkan has a plan! Of course our boy does, he wouldn't be Serkan Bolat if he didn't. It's always fun to see how much they all trust him to lead them through these tough times. He will once again emerge victorious. It just may take some time on this one

Note Blaca wasn't invited to that meeting, someone already can sense she can't be trusted. In the meeting later with Babaanne, I loved how Eda was sitting next to Serkan at the head of the table, totally squared off against her grandmother. That blocking was not by accident. It showed them facing her. On the same side. Together. United. That's what we call foreshadowing and that's how they're ultimately going to defeat her. Together. 

It's interesting to me that earlier in the day when Eda tells him maybe she should leave the company he gets upset, but when she shows up at his house and straight up says they can't be together, he's completely calm and is his normal confident self, talking her into staying the night with his usual ease. I'm thinking her manic rambling about him getting tired of her and her grandmother separating them was just too obvious of an emotional spiral after an exhausting day (that lasted 47 years and multiple wardrobe changes) so he didn't take any of it to heart.

As for the reason she needed a place to stay, WTF is Ayfer doing letting Babaanne stay in their home??  Kick her out for the love of God. I don't mind, since it gave us this fabulous sleepover, but come on woman, at one time you were strong enough to remove your niece from her which could not have been easy, where is your backbone now? Find it. Fast. 

LOVED LOVED LOVED every second of domestic Edser. How cute are they? Serkan wheeling her dinosaur suitcase was so adorable. And how cute is it that he bought hot chocolate for her? And THEN, THEN when they went to look at the stars? My heart melted clean out of my chest when he said, "I'm already looking at the most beautiful star."  Remember in 13 when he asked her, "How are you real?" and she basically told him to be careful or she'd get spoiled and expect that kind of romance all the time? Well apparently the romantic robot has an endless capacity to generate heart-stopping one-liners so she really needn't have worried. 

Eda's phone call with the girls was another whiplash moment for me. So wait... all episode her trepidation has been around her grandmother interfering or Serkan getting tired of her, but now she's back to wondering if he can change? Ne? And she isn't articulating what she wants him to change, or talking to him about change at all, only asking her friends if they think it's possible?? The change thing made perfect sense to me in eps 20-22, because she was coming off of his lie that broke her heart, but now I can't figure out what she wants from him. I think this is another casualty of whatever writing changes happened in this episode. I really hope the writers pull it together and figure out what the character's headspace is and stick with it. It's one thing to yo-yo from episode to episode, but to yo-yo scene to scene is too much. 

I know that they're trying to create suspense for whether she would meet him to ring in the New Year, and start fresh, but there are much more elegant ways to do this than constant retread conversations that don't make sense in context with the scenes that came before. Honestly, this episode had a LOT of wonderful scenes and humor and heartfelt moments, but it also felt like a franken-episode,  like if different writers were assigned different scenes and then they assembled the episode without going back to smooth out the tone and emotions.

That leads us to Serkan discovering Eda in the bath. What do we think was going through his mind there? lmao. He looked exceptionally pleased and he did the jokey flirty thing, taking a mental picture, but then when she comes downstairs in her jammies, he has gone into stone-cold work robot mode. I suppose the best I can guess is that he knew she was confused, he knew he had convinced her to stay under the guise it would be platonic and the "last time." 

He's always been a gentleman with her. So perhaps he felt compelled, for her sake, to keep it in that place, but seeing her in the bath send him into overdrive and the only thing he could do is throw himself into work to make sure the situation didn't go any further before she was fully ready? That's my best attempt at explaining it.  Still she was flirting hardcore with him when she came downstairs, it feels like that was the moment he's been waiting for since episode 19, and he let it sail by.  Ah well, at some point soon both their engines will be revving at the same time and we’ll finally get to the sexy times. 

The next morning was 100% adorable. Serkan Bolat serving breakfast in bed. I swoon!  What a sweetheart, because I'm pretty certain that Serkan does NOT like crumbs in his bed so this was a big gesture. And you could see how much she appreciated it, despite teasing him about the portion size. Eda, that breakfast would have been just fine by me, but if the girl has a big appetite, so be it.

Also, Edacim, it would be a lot easier to buy your "confusion" if you hadn't brought him a heartfelt gift that would have taken a good while, like weeks, to procure and then sketched in it for him!!!!  She had to have been planning that for some time.  Anyway, a very sweet gift and one of those moments where actions speak louder than words. We all want to hear Eda say the words "I Love You," but she just said it very loudly here in the form of this gift. Even if she wasn't fully aware she was saying it. It's obvious where her heart is, she just has to give herself permission to follow it.

This ep also brought the funny when half the cast of characters barged in on Edser’s little love nest. Good for both Eda and Serkan for refusing to be a part of the subterfuge for Babaanne. I'm hopeful we're going into a secret relationship/engagement storyline, but at this point I like that neither were cowing to her. Eda is an adult and it's nobody's business but her own where she stays the night! 

It cracks me up that Eda and Serkan were discombobulated by the intrusion, had the silent #married conversation, and headed upstairs together. Mostly because they are the two in the dark, what are they going to figure out by going upstairs alone? What they really needed was to talk to any of the other people to find out what in the hell was happening. Not that I blame them for wanting to escape that scene together. However, what was beautiful was their connection in these scenes. They were functioning as partners, as each other's person, as the one each turns to when they need support (or escape).  And that's really saying something since they were in a room full of the people they're both closest too.

Finally, I'm glad they spoiled the final scene in the fragman, because I would have been too stressed watching Balca's psychotic efforts in keeping Serkan away from the party, and Eda, if I hadn't known he would make it.  As it was, it  was too much to watch. They've done absolutely nothing to make her even a little sympathetic. I feel zero empathy for her, I don't understand why she's willing to take these risks. No man is worth it, girl! Especially not a man you just decided you wanted because of his initials!  The character needs to serve her purpose and go. Soon.

As for Serkan making it in time, THANK GOODNESS. I don't think Eda could have handled being stood up again. Even taking her call was a mistake. That's why we have voicemail, Serkan. And clearly he should have called the police on his way. I sincerely hope that he finds out the break-in was a fake and that's what makes him realize what level of crazy he's dealing with. I assume, because he didn't know what else to do, he left Balca in his home and that's what he wanted to tell Eda right before the police arrived. I shudder to think what damage she might do there alone. Installing a hidden mic or camera for Babaanne? Going through his things? Planting more items. Ew. If that spec is right the place will need to be fumigated.  

Serkan's gift was, of course, perfection. Talk about love in gift form, and did you notice that one of the charms was an "E" and one was an "S"? A sweet, heart-felt detail and a nice little nod to which initials really matter on this show.  Interestingly, after a full episode of inner turmoil, once Serkan arrived, Eda seemed to be all-in. She was bubbly and happy to see him and definitely acting like he was her date. And then the hug! Finally! They've obviously been physically close in recent post-break up episodes, for example elevator, pottery, dancing, skating, but what a relief to finally have this pure, intentional display of affection from her to him. Also a cheek kiss! This show, I swear it makes me grateful for the most chaste of moments.

As I said in another ask, I think the, "Will you be my girlfriend?" was in Serkan's head. We didn't see him say it, she didn't respond and the audio was hollow like it was a thought or memory or dream. However, what I can't answer is why we heard that. Why put it in there? We know he wants them to get back together, so that line doesn't inform the audience of anything they don't already know. So maybe proposal foreshadowing?  On the other hand, there is the line earlier in the episode that was voice over added after the fact (when Edser are in the small conf room and Serkan says he’s going home) so maybe they added the audio after the scene for some reason? I don’t know with this episode anything is possible. 

Then, of course, Babaanne ruins their moment with her evil plan. Next episode will she be sitting on her throne stroking a hairless cat Because it feel like Babaanne may like a bit of evil aura to surround her. Anyway, next stop... jail! I'm honestly excited to see how the next ep plays out. We're going to go through some things, so prepare your soul, but I honestly think we may end the ep in a better place. (new cliffhanger notwithstanding) We shall see. 

[godsofhumanity]

GODHUNTER by AMY SUMIDA | REVIEW

okiee this was recommended to me by @inkleaves ^-^ uhmm so i have a LOT to say about this book. spoilers under cut.

OVERVIEW: “Godhunter” is the epithet given to a young woman named Vervain who uses witchcraft and magic to go around committing deicide in order to save humanity from gods who drain their energy to gain immortality and other godly attributes. However, when Vervain is recruited by the Norse god Thor, she finds herself in an alliance with the people she originally considered her enemies, as they work together to save the world from the maliciousness of the Aztec god, Huitzilopochtli.

RATING: 2/10. i’m giving it a low rating because it doesn’t really have too much to do with mythology, but i did like its general portrayal of most deities even though this book was insanely cringey and dumb.. now, even though under the cut, i’ve kinda bashed the book quite a bit, i still have to admit that i’d be lying if i said i didn’t have fun reading it. i stayed up to 1 AM trying to finish it because i had to find out what the protag’s next stupid decision would be,, all in all, if you like trash/cringe fiction- this is for you.

WARNING: even though this book is a YA novel, I’d say there’s a definite emphasis on the adult part of “young adult”... Certain scenes and themes are inappropriate for minors.

AVAILABLE ON: pdf link here ^-^ ((i think it downloads immediately if you click))

THINGS I LIKED:

the book is cringe.

great diversity in terms of the god cast. i learned about some new deities that i was previously unfamiliar with, so that was cool

Brahma (Hindu deity) wears a Gucci belt as part of his attire ^-^

whatever Estsanatlehi and Tsohanoai (Native American deities) had going on.... they were really cute and wholesome

THOR-HORUS BROTP AGENDA!!!!!!!! everyone who follows me already knows how keen i am about this idea of all the war deities hanging out together (fite club), and this novel served up exactly that. disappointing that Huitzilopochtli wasn’t a part of it, but i am settling for Thor and Horus’ several centuries old friendship.

Horus’ falcon tattoo detail.. i LOVE the idea of the gods having their sacred animals tattooed,, it’s so awesome!!!

Pan... i liked the way he still had his little horns, and he was kinda chaotic and fun.

in general, the descriptions of the gods were so pleasant and so cool.. i really liked the way that pretty much all the gods were beautiful,, this is very much in line with my own idea of how the gods look, and i think it makes sense, because they’re meant to be charismatic, compelling beings- beings that you worship, beings that you praise- why would they be anything but beautiful? and even if they were considered ugly by other gods, that’s only in comparison to other deities.. from a human perspective,, i just can’t see how any mortal could consider a god to be anything less than perfection,, idk

in particular- i really enjoyed the descriptions of Huitzilopochtli in his debut. i know he’s a piece of shit in the novel, but i LOVED the way he was described with his war-frenzy being triggered by blood, and the way, as god of the sun, his body almost glows, and heats up as though you’re looking into the sun itself, and the only way he can cool it down is by bathing in blood... WOWOWOWOW it’s just such a neat and fantastic visual description. his physical appearance really paid tribute to Huitzilopochtli’s original domain and attributes.

i also liked the linking between Huitzilopochtli being the Father of Vampires.. links between Aztec culture and vampirism is a trope that i didn’t originally suspect, but have become exposed to quite a bit as of late,, and i think that it’s quite a clever little plot. i liked that Huitzilopochtli also debunks superstitions about the sun, garlic, crosses, holy water etc.

Huitzilopochtli as the villain. the man makes a BRILLIANT villain- his motives are very clear and also, i thought, justified, albeit unoriginal. his presence is quite terrifying, and the reader does worry for Vervain’s safety whenever she’s with him- which is good! this means that he fills out his role as a villain well. tbh,, i did love Huitzilopochtli from the moment of his debut, but he got knocked out of my books during a certain temple scene and i have some thoughts about that in the next section.

when Vervain wakes up after the temple dream with Huitzilo, and she relaxes because it was just a dream, but then she looks into the mirror and sees bite marks on her neck!!! CHILLS! now THAT was good writing- it was unexpected, and served well to navigate into the next part of the plot.

Odin and Huitzilopochtli holding a ted talk on “how to create panic and discord among the humans”, and the gods having to bring certain meals depending on what the first letter of their names were.

Vervain’s pop-culture references, and her weaponry- especially the gloves that have blades in them that get released when she swings her hand downwards. very cool, i want them.

casual appearances from Vladimir Putin (yes, i said Vladimir Putin)... i couldn’t stop laughing when i read that Huitzilo was trying to kill Putin’s daughter to instigate a war...... asdhshajdhasdjfhjdhf insane

also i know Vervain was trying to mock Huitzilo when she nicknamed him “Blue”,, but like.. that’s a really cute name and it wasn’t even insulting.. yeah, that one backfired on you Vervain... if anything, that just made it seem like she actually had affections for him and i feel like probably in part is the reason why he felt encouraged to pursue her.

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE/THINGS THAT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE AND/OR CONFUSED ME:

the book is cringe.

it reads like a 15 year old’s fantasy AU where she’s a humble young woman, unextraordinary- yet somehow, she is the muse of every man’s desire. handsome, ripped gods who never wear clothes are laying themselves down at her feet,, and she is just overwhelmed by the choices before her; and all the while, she has to balance a complicated love life with her duty to save the world (since she’s the only one who can).

Vervain as a protagonist. idk how old she’s meant to be, but since the book is in first-person, and the reader is exposed to her innermost thoughts,, i’ve gotta say- she’s incredibly immature. as a protagonist, i just feel like she’s rude, pretentious, snobby.. she has no idea what “respect�� even means. in every scene, she’s either fighting someone, or lusting after them (when Teharon told her off for having lascivious thoughts about him, and she simply responded with “well stop being so sexy then” i wanted to die.... WHAT is wrong with her)

i hate the way she looks down on the gods- even if you didn’t worship them, or even believed in their existence, surely you wouldn’t have the gall to lecture Hades and Persephone on how to be a good couple (especially when your advice is shit). surely you wouldn’t have the gall to say to Thor what Vervain says to him on pg 227, 4th line from the bottom, that i will not repeat here. Vervain is just too self-absorbed. i don’t hate her, but i definitely think her character is a bit,,, iffy.

relating to Vervain as the protagonist- everything just seems to happen to her.. and i know that she’s the protag, and things are meant to happen to her, but it all happens to her one after the other in succession, no breaks. it’s so easy for her... oh? Huitzilopochtli is going to kill Putin’s daughter? no worries, Vervain can read Huitzilopochtli’s thoughts! oh? the gods have never been able to transform more than half their body into their animal form? no worries, Vervain is so powerful she can force a god to change against their will! oh? Vervain is being attacked by blood-thirsty wolves? no worries, she saved the life of one werewolf and now he’s indebted to her and will literally kill himself in order to protect her! everything is easy, and nothing is a problem.

the way every male deity ever sees Vervain once and immediately wants to take her to bed. why was that a necessary aspect of her character? and also, why are the gods portrayed as such lustful beings?? it really wasn’t necessary.

Horus throwing a fit about how December 25 is his birthday and that it was stolen from him by Jesus... to quote:

“No big deal?” Horus puffed up. “I was called the Lamb of God. I had twelve apostles, and my myths spoke of my crucifixion and consequent resurrection in three days. His stories were my stories first!”

it’s fine that Horus is angry about his birthday which was i think, historically celebrated around this date- but the rest of it isn’t even true???? Horus didn’t have 12 apostles, i’m pretty sure he was also not called “Lamb of God”, and he wasn’t crucified!!! aghhhh even Thor says “It’s been so long that even you don’t remember things accurately.”

anyways.. my beef with this is the way it’s phrased so as to imply that “oh christianity just stole everything from the pagans” when this is so incredibly false and sounds like something an ill-informed person would say. you can read more about christianity, paganism and christmas here

kinda related to the previous point- the jokes about Jesus’ skin colour. i quote:

“... when Christ first became a god, he looked Jewish because those were the people he chose to align himself with. However, the Jews didn’t want him, and when Christianity spread, the white people wanted Jesus to look more like them. With the change in belief, Christ’s appearance changed. ... We used to tease him about how he looked whiter every time we saw him... Kind of like Michael Jackson...”

what the FUCK??????? seems like Sumida doesn’t understand that various ethnic groups illustrate Jesus as appearing as the local people do. Yes, obviously in a Western country, Jesus is going to look European, he’s going to look white. If you go to Japan, you will see Jesus and the rest of the gang looking pretty fucking Japanese. the point of this is NOT to erase Jesus’ Jewish ethnicity, and it is certainly not because of something like “the Jews didn’t want him”- it is because it is a way for followers to better relate to the Divine. including Christ in this story isn’t the problem- i’ve seen others do it very well. the problem is how uneducated her writing comes across.

all the gods have human jobs so that they can earn money and stuff,, which is fine- Thor, for example, owns a line of boats, which makes sense. but Pan? his job is making p*rn. now even though it’s true that everyone associates Pan with sexuality and stuff,,, this isn’t his primary role, and making Pan out to be just a playboy who has his mind in the gutter 24/7 i think is a bit of a mockery. Pan is, first and foremost, a god of the Wild. why Sumida elected to make him a p*rn manufacturer and not a wildlife conservationist is beyond me... i���m not even pagan, and i thought this creative decision was distasteful and stupid, especially because his character is actually quite light-hearted and cool.

the temple scene with Huitzilopochtli and Vervain. as i said previously, i really really liked Huitzilo’s character. he made an excellent villain. but this part?? i understand why it was done, but i HATED that it had to happen... not just because it was horrible for Vervain, but Huitzilo seemed so powerful and godly right up to that point- after which he seemed pretty pathetic- going back after Vervain after she’s rejected him countless times. she is JUST a mortal!!! c’mon Huitzilo, give it up!!! you are degrading yourself at the expense of achieving one mortal’s “love”.. the fact that he had to hypnotise her to get what he wanted AND had to achieve it through her dreams (when’s she can’t protect herself) was sooooo pathetic and disgraceful.. IMO, he committed the worst sin any person could ever commit and i just... AGHHHHHHHHH SMH WHY?!

speaking of morons- Thor. Thor just comes across to me as extremely possessive, and over-protective,, and idk how Vervain was NOT creeped out by the fact that Thor had literally been stalking her for two years before she even met him. wtf? god or not- that’s creepy. actually, i think it’s creepier because he is a god. 

Sif. i am still waiting for good media representation of thunder god Thor and his beautiful golden-haired wife Sif- i want them to be HAPPY, and i want them to be in love the way they should be! 

Persephone. i like the idea of Persephone being sweet-tempered, and kind- but in this book, she’s such a wimp??????? she totally just lets Vervain be rude to her, a goddess who’s name means “Bringer of Destruction”. also- her relationship with Hades seems toxic.. i mean,, he like tracks her? she starts stuttering when she talks to him, and gets nervous when people so much as mention his name. not to mention the fact that Persephone says that when she does go back to him, all he demands from her is a certain horizontal dance so much so that she is “sore” (<- quoting from the book here) every time she returns??????? WHAT IS HAPPENING?????????? and no one even questions it. Vervain doesn’t even question it! instead she suggests that Persephone MOVES IN with Hades permanently???? and that Hades should just start verbally saying how much he loves Persephone instead of “showing” her how much he “loves” her.....??? there are SO many issues with this.. i can’t even- *screams*

the Aphrodite-is-madly-in-love-with-Huitzilopochtli side plot. it could have been really good, but then it ends so abruptly,,, i mean.. why’d Aphrodite get done so dirty like that? Also summary of Hephaestus’ first and final scenes:

Hephaestus, entering the room: Right, what’s all this then? Vervain: Your wife is cheating on you (again) Hephaestus: Aight, i’m out *leaves and never comes back for the rest of the book*

what the HECK was the ending with Trevor?? i hate Vervain so much i can’t... okay first of all- WHY did Trevor decide to have a wolf-marriage with Vervain?? he kept on going on about how she’s so beautiful, and kind, and caring... NO SHE ISN’T TREVOR!!! i’m so mad that he would pledge himself for all eternity to this girl who doesn’t even like him in that way!!! you played yourself son

also- Thor accepts the fact that Trevor is going to have to be close by to Vervain because the terms of the marriage state that Trevor will literally die without her touch, which is VERY GENEROUS of Thor... but Vervain?? ooooh i HATE her.. she has the audacity to look at Trevor with her lecherous eyes thinking about lustful things IN THOR’S OWN BED!!!!! and then she thinks to herself “oh whoops i shouldn’t be thinking that”- yeah you’re darn right you shouldn’t be thinking that!!!! whatttt is wrong with her............. 

also- where tf did Huitzilo go??? he just gave up on trying to instigate a war and vanished?? the plot was so unresolved?????? AGH!

[sambergscott]

your son is going to love you

Summary: Peralta dads are cursed, destined to have terrible relationships with their sons. When Jake finds out *he's* going to have a son, he spirals. Amy helps.

goes without saying that if you haven’t watched 7x10 yet maybe don’t read this

She wakes up at 2am needing to pee.

She’s been waking up needing to pee a lot lately.

It’s like their baby has no respect for her sleeping pattern, perfectly honed over the years to maximise productivity, while still fitting in the full 8 hours of sleep needed a day. Their baby doesn’t care about the 8 hour recommendation, he laughs in the face of scientists. With the bad back and heart burn and constant kick, kick, kicking of her bladder, she’s averaging 4.7. She thought babies didn’t start keeping you up all night until they were born but, oh, how wrong she was.

She pats her husband to wake him up and come keep her company. If she’s awake because of their baby, then damn it, he’s going to be awake, too. But he’s not there, leaving her hand awkwardly patting a bare mattress.

“Jake?” She murmurs groggily, sitting up and switching on her bedside lamp. She’s half-expecting him to be sitting in the armchair playing Mario Party on his Switch (he has become a little bit addicted in the last few months and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s found him trying to beat Wario in the early hours of the morning) or have left a note beside her bed that he had a lead on a case and needed to go in with a scribbled ‘love you’ underneath and a lopsided heart. The armchair is empty, but there’s a light on down the hall and since there’s no way she forgot to turn it off before bed (she triple checks), she figures that it must be Jake.

Forgetting the whole reason why she woke up in the first place, she grabs Jake’s hoodie from the floor for warmth and pads into their living-kitchen-dining area. It’s the open plan-ness that made her fall in love with the apartment upon first visit and submit all her paperwork as soon as she was out the door. It’s the open plan-ness that would make the Property Brothers proud and the dumb people who go on that show foam at the mouth with jealousy. It’s the open plan-ness that allows her to see her husband straight away, snacking on the unfinished party food.

(Apparently people don’t feel like eating after a man cuts his thumb off and spurts blood everywhere. Who’d have thought?)

There’s a weird, pensive look on his face that draws her towards him.

“You OK, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he responds. He pops a tomato from the salad bowl in his mouth, then another, then another.

She narrows her eyes. He never eats tomatoes unless they’re in ketchup or on top of a famous Sal’s pizza. Something is wrong.

She thinks back on their day, mentally rewinding the events from waking up to the morning briefing to their private sex reveal in the break room and finding out they’re having a boy (the empty cake box and blue frosting around Scully’s mouth was very surprising indeed). They were both floating on Cloud 9 all afternoon, came home and Zoomed the entire family, falling asleep on the couch around 9.30pm because pregnancy is exhausting.

Nothing particularly awful stands out.

Unless...

“Are you thinking about your Grandpa?”

He’d been so excited to see him again, so excited to reunite Walter Peralta  with Roger, The Admiral with the Captain. To be honest, Amy was less than impressed. He’d been nice enough to her, asked her about her job, about the baby, small talked about the weather. But he never asked her about Jake, probed about the 20 odd years of his grandson’s life that he’d missed out on. Which is frustrating because she has a lot of embarrassing stories ready to tell and a whole photo album of Jake on her phone. He couldn’t care less about Roger or Jake, storming out of the sex reveal party after calling his son a screw up and turning off his phone so they couldn’t get in contact with him. He’s a selfish dick and her husband deserves better. Still, he won’t be thinking about what a monster Walter turned out to be, he’ll be finding ways to blame himself that yet another father walked out of his life again.

He nods silently and she leads him to the couch.

“Talk to me, Jake.”

He releases a shaky breath. “The Peralta’s are cursed.”

“With devastatingly handsome good looks?” She half-jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Because, hello, her husband is hot; she constantly overhears other women in the precinct talking about his glow up and it would be impossible to ignore the female attention he gets in bars and even just walking down the street before he scratches his face to show off his wedding band and wraps one arm proudly around his wife’s shoulders. She’s seen the pictures of a young Roger Peralta, too, and with that charm smile... she gets it.

“Thank you,” he smiles briefly, “but no. Peralta dads are cursed with terrible relationships with their sons.”

“That’s not going to be you,” she says without hesitation, without a shred of doubt.

“How do you know?” He launches into a scathing personal indictment that leaves his cheeks stinging with tears. “I’m immature, obsessed with my work, messy, always late. My dad was never around when I was a kid. I don’t even know what dads do with their sons! And what if it’s in my genes? To be a crappy dad, abandon my kid like a dozen Peralta fathers before me. Your parents still don’t think I’m good enough. You didn’t even like me at first. It only makes sense that our baby would hate me, too.”

“Woah, babe. Slow down. Let’s unpack that one at a time.” She wipes away his tears with his hoodie sleeve and squeezes his hand. “First of all, you are way more mature now than you used to be. We bought a family friendly Sedan. You read parenting books. You were eating fruit, like, two minutes ago.”

“Tomatoes are fruits?”

“What? Yes, how do you not - not the point.” She shakes her head. “And so what, you enjoy your job. That’s a good thing, Jake! Do you understand how rare that is? You’re doing the thing you love while providing a decent income for our family. And besides, I’m way more obsessed than you. I have FOMOW, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love our kid more than anything. And as for the messy, late thing, if I can look past it because of how much I love you, so will our son.”

“Love you, too,” he mumbles.

“Now onto your point about not knowing what dads do, that is a straight up lie and we both know it, Peralta. You’re always hanging out with Charles and Nikolaj and Lord Knows Terry doesn’t shut up about all the activities he does with his girls.”

“I know what they do when I’m around, but what do you do when it’s 5am and they won’t go back to sleep?” He frets. “At what age do you introduce them to Die Hard? In Cry Hard With A Vengeance,” he quotes the parenting book she originally bought him as a joke but has kind of become his Torah, “Bruce Willis says right away, but what if he’s not ready to understand the complex plots? What if he prefers Timothy Olyphant to William Atherton? Oh my God, what if our son doesn’t think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”

He’s spiralling and it’s a good job he’s with the only person who can truly calm him down.

“I think Bruce Willis is just trying to promote his franchise and that we’ll be watching more Paw Patrol than Die Hard for the next few years, babe, but I’m sure when he is old enough, he will love the movies as much as you.”

“Right,” he agrees, “you’re totally right. Action thrillers aren’t very baby friendly. I’ll just watch it on mute with subtitles.”

She laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners. She loves him so much. Which segways them nicely onto his final two points.

“My parents do love you. Sure, they’re critical, but that’s just the way they are. They’re the same way to all of us. My mom complains to everyone she meets about how I can’t cook, how Tony hasn’t settled down and made her any beautiful grandbabies yet, even Perfect David faces her wrath when he goes a week without phoning her. If the worst thing my mom has to say about you is that you’re below average in height, you’re doing OK. And as for me apparently not liking you at first, I did like you.”

He furrows his brow. “But you said you found me annoying and difficult to be around.”

“Yet I didn’t ask to switch desks, continued working cases with you and went to Shaw’s whenever I was invited.” She stares at him pointedly. “If I really found you difficult to be around, I wouldn’t have stayed. I thought you were cute and funny and good at your job and yeah, you were annoying too, but,” she shrugs, “it never put me off.”

“So what you’re saying is that you had a crush on me first,” he grins.

“No. You obviously had a crush on me back then, too. What I’m saying is that I love you, our son loves you and you’re going to be a great dad.”

He blushes, ducking his head. “My dad said the same thing. About our son loving me.”

“He’s right,” she replies. “I feel him kick every time you get home from work, every time you sing to Taylor Swift in the car, every time I mention your name. Why didn’t you believe him?”

“I don’t know, still nervous about the curse, I guess.” He twists his wedding band on his finger.

Amy bites her lip. “Are you not excited about us having a boy?”

She has to ask. His excitement looked genuine in the break room, but it’s no secret that he was hoping for a girl. A mini-Amy, he said. While she’s always been more accustomed to boys considering the Santiago’s have, like, a million of them, Jake couldn’t get over the image of a little girl in dresses and doing ballet and with long, dark hair that he eventually learns to braid.

“Of course I am,” he’s quick to assure her. “Stupid excited. Never been more excited for anything. Not even the Ninja Turtles reboot. But still... nervous.” He rubs his hand over his face, muffling his voice. “Everyone is assuming what kind of dad I’m going to be. Whether I’m going to be good at it or not. To be fair, the only person who doubted me is that murderer I arrested last week, obviously not my biggest fan. Everyone else is convinced I can do it. What if I can’t? What if I’m genetically wired to be a bad dad? What if I disappoint you and our baby and Charles who has been dreaming about this forever?”

“Jake,” she softens her voice, pulling his hand away from his face, “the fact you are so worried about being a bad dad proves that you will not be one. Nor could you ever disappoint us.”

“But you’re my wife. You have to say that.”

“I would never have married you and become your wife if I thought you were the kind of person who could abandon your kid,” she promises him. “You have been perfect so far, dealing with all the vitamins and over-scheduled sex and washing my clothes when I sweat through them and holding my hair back when I’m being sick. You’ve been to every doctor’s appointment, read every binder, bought me every weird food craving. You hang out with the bump every night, talking and singing to it. I know you’re going to be a great dad, Jake, because you already are one.”

She kisses him and it’s soft and tender and filled with love, only interrupted by the kick, kick, kicking of their son.

“Hey,” Jake says in his best authoritative dad voice/John McClane dealing with German terrorists voice (he’s been practising in front of the mirror following Bruce’s advice), pointing a warning finger at the bump. “I’m going to kiss your mom as much as I want, Peralta. I loved her first.”

Amy giggles, stroking her fingers through Jake’s unruly curls. His bedhead is always wild and it’s maybe her favourite thing in the entire world. She silently sends a message of her own to their son to inherit his dad’s hair. And eyes. And handsome smile.

He kicks again as if to say ‘OK, mom’.

And then she really needs to pee.

[nightowlfandom]

Noctis Lucis Caelum X Reader- At Eachother’s Throats

REQUESTS OPEN!

No announcements today.

Contains- Implied smut

Leggo!

...

“Isn’t there anything to do around here?”

“No.” you mumbled for the sixth time in an hour. “Could you be anymore of a pain!”

“Ugh. Of all nights, they had me stuck here with you!” he scoffed.

“I’m not too happy about this either! I did this as a favor to Ignis!” you rolled your eyes.

“Only because you’ll do anything he says! He has you wrapped around his finger.” Noctis spat.

“That is so not true!” you rebutted. “I am my own person and no one, especially not Ignis can convince me to do ANYTHING.” you bit back the urge to snap your fingers. 

“Oh really. Is that why you’re stuck here, on a Saturday night. Babysitting me. Instead of having a social life. Oh wait, you don’t have one if you’re here with me.” Noctis burst out laughing.

“UGH!” You stood up and stomped off into the kitchen. “You’re a real jerk!”

“So they tell me” Noctis waved you off. You shakily poured yourself a glass of water and downed the whole thing.

To say you and Noctis didn’t agree was an understatement. You two hated each other. Ever since you had the honor of meeting the block-head himself. He was a huge thorn in your side and you wanted to slap him square in the face. He was annoying, immature, a complete asshole and it made you wanna-

“Yo Y/N!”

“What now!?” You walked around the corner, crossing your arms. “What could you possibly want this time?” you sat back down.

“Geez, why are you so snappy today?” Noctis raised an eyebrow. 

“Hm, Let me think. I’m stuck with you of all people!”

“Like I said, You’ll do anything Ignis says.” Noctis said lowly. “At the snap of his fingers you come a-running.”

“Are you jealous?” you cocked your head to the side. “Maybe if you weren’t so asinine you get my attention.”

“Hm, and why would I want that?” Noctis seethed. “Not like you could do much for me.”

“You have no idea what I can do.” you glowered. 

“I’m pretty sure I have a slight idea, if you act the way you do in battle in real life, it isn’t much.” he yawned. 

“You know what? You have been a pain in my ass since I first met you!” you snarled. “Ever since I met you, you’ve just been an annoying little brat!”

‘Oh really?! and You have been annoying the shit out of me since day one! Getting on my damn case all the time!” he snapped. “How the others like you so much I will never understand!”

Okay...that hurt your feelings a little.

“What is your problem!? All you do is insult me every chance you get! Why do you hate me so much!?” you snapped. “I demand you tell me!”

Noctis rolled his eyes, looking away from you, which caused you to slowly rise to your feet.

“Tell me.” you said lowly, glaring at him. He was in YOUR apartment, the least he could do was respect you. Even a little.

“Tell. Me....” you said again, this time clenching your fists. You were growing more and more upset by the second. Noctis still didn’t answer. Little coward couldn’t even look at you. He stood up, turning his back towards you.

“TELL ME!” you finally screamed, stomping your foot on the ground. You had enough. ”You know what...forget it. Just forget it.” You shook your head. “You aren’t even worth it.”

Before you could make another move, Noctis whipped around, grabbing you by the arm and yanked you towards him. You rammed into his hard chest with a semi-loud thud. 

“You wanna know why I hate you?” he whispered darkly. His breath was heaving with what you could only assume was rage. He suddenly pushed you against the nearest wall. You could feel your feet barely lift the ground as he sandwiched you between himself and the hard surface. “I hate you because of how crazy you make me feel.”

“Wait w-what?” your breath hitched. What was he trying to say?! “Noctis?...What are you talking about?”

“Y/N....You’re such an idiot.” He laughed, a smirk crossing his lips. “Do I have to spell it out?”

“I think so?” you stammered. “What has gotten into you?!” 

Your head was spinning, and not just from being dizzy from being moved to suddenly. What had gotten into this man!?

“Y/N....don’t act like you don’t know what you’ve been doing to me.” he said lowly. “You can’t pretend anymore.”

“Pretend what?” you asked. “What did I ever do to you?” you whimpered.

“You don’t think I don’t notice you staring at me with those wanting eyes of yours?” he began. “How you always try to make me jealous by getting close to Gladio?” he continued. “You remember that? How you always get into play fights with Prompto or how you flirt with Ignis right in front my face!”

“It’s called being friendly.” you replied, still unsure of what was happening. “I’m just being nice.”

“Oh Y/N. Stupid, Silly, innocent Y/N. They certainly don’t take it as being friendly.” he shook his head. “You think you’re being subtle bending down to ‘pick something up’, right in front of me? Or did you forget that day when we all went swimming and you just have to wear the most revealing swimsuit your owned...and I’ve seen all of them before, don’t try to play dumb.”

“N-Noctis have you lost your mind?!” you went wide eyed. “Where’s this all coming from?!”

“Months and months of teasing me and thinking I wouldn’t notice.” he replied. “I even got myself into trouble on tonight of all nights just to be near you and you still aren’t aware.” he chuckled. “You really are an innocent little girl.”

“Am not!” you snapped. “All you do is glare at me every chance you get!”

“I’ve been trying to stop myself from grabbing you and throwing you onto the first hard surface I saw. I was close, so close to doing just that. “ he chuckled. “A few nights ago when you helped Ignis in the kitchen and you just had to ask him to guide you. You couldn’t see the face he made when he came up behind you. It made me want to push him off just so I could give you the most obscene kiss of your life just so he and the others would know to back off.” he growled. “You’re mine. Mine. Got it?”

Woah, okay wait woah! Where was this all coming from?

You felt yourself grow light headed, so much so that you held onto Noctis’s sleeve to stay upright. “Noctis...I-”

“No...shut up for a second.” was the last thing Noctis said before crashing his hot mouth over yours. His touch was possessive in a way... 

You found yourself whimpering under his touch. His hand held a fist full of your hair while his other arm had found under your shirt, trailing shapes onto your skin. Your legs were definitely about to give out now.

“Y/N.” Noctis snarled. “You don’t know how badly I wanted to do that.” he smirked at your expression. “Oh...look. Nothing to say to me now?” he asked in a babyish voice. “I can’t tell if you want me just as bad or if you’re just frozen.” he chuckled, burying his face into your neck. 

“Noctis.” you whimpered, you had no idea what came over you next, but you were leaning into his touch more and more. You were positive he could hear your heart pounding in your chest. “Is this a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Noctis mumbled as he trailed opened mouth kisses down your jawline. 

“T-technically I’m supposed to be watching you.” you stammered. “Ignis wouldn’t be very happy to see us like this-”

“I don’t give a shit about what would make him happy. “ he cut you off. “And don’t worry, you’ll be watching way more in a second.” he replied. “Now stop being a stick in the mud and kiss me again.”

Again, before you could reply Noctis hooked his arms around both of your legs and hoisted you up. On instinct you wrapped your legs around his torso to keep from falling. Noctis kissed you again, this time more possessive than the last. Your arms hooked around his neck. You were trembling under his touch. You tangled your hands in his hair, making a mess of his raven-colored locks. 

“Y/N.” he chuckled. “Do you want me to take you right here? Right now? Or would you prefer your bedroom?”

Oh shit! This was happening now?!

“Hm...you’re taking to long to answer...so how bout this” Noctis sighed. 

In a sudden movement, you felt your surroundings whizz by at a high speed. One second you were against the wall right next to the kitchen and the next you were being thrown onto your couch in the living room. You were surrounded in a blue light. 

“WOAH!” you were surprised. “Did you just warp-strike me here?!” you looked up at him like he was crazy.

“I sure did.” he winked, crawling over you. He pinned your hands above your head. “I bet the guys would be so jealous. Seeing me on top of you. Making you moan and whimper for me. Only I’ll get to see this side of you, while they’re left to wonder.” he laughed . 

“You’re stalling...if you’re so tough then do something already.” you found yourself saying. “Talk is cheap if you can’t back yourself up.” you said. 

In a sudden movement, Noctis had grabbed the hem of your shirt and tore it completely up the front. 

“How’s this for backing myself up?” he laughed, pinning your arms above your head. 

.....

You could feel the sun’s rays hit your bare skin as it peaked through the blinds of your window. You slowly opened your eyes, letting out a loud yawn. You could feel the rise and fall of a body beneath you.

The feeling caused you to look up. Noctis was still sleeping, snoring quietly. His arms were wrapped around your bare body. Oh yeah...you guys...

“Right.” you whispered. “Noctis.” you whispered. “Noctis, wake up.” 

“No.” he grumbled. “You can sleep a little longer.” he tightened his grip on you.

“Noctis come on.” you yawned again, trying to wiggle. “The others will be here any second. We have a lot to do today.” 

“They won’t be here until maybe around 11:00.” he waved you off. You looked over at the clock. 9:30. “Let’s just sleep a little longer. We certainly had a long night.” he laughed. You took the time to look down at Noctis’s body. His arms and torso were covered in scratch marks. 

“I didn’t do that, did I?” you went wide eyed.

“Yeah.” he chuckled. “You should see my back.” he opened his bright blue eyes to stare at you. “But I’ve marked you down enough myself.” he bit his lip. You followed where he was looking. On your shoulder was a very prominent bruise. 

“Wait a second!” You jumped up and ran to the bathroom. “Holy shit!” you stared at your chest. Noctis had managed to scratch and bite his name into your skin. “NOCTIS I’M GONNA-”

“Oh calm down.” he chuckled, following you. He wrapped his arms around your waist. “I think it’s hot.”

“I’ll never be able to wear half the shirts I own again.” you ran a hand through your hair.

“Well, it will show others who you belong to if you do.” he planted a kiss on your shoulder. “I like it.”

“Of course you do, you moron.” you shrugged him off and walked past him. “Now where’s my pants- HEY!”

“Oh no you don’t.” Noctis picked you up. “We’re sleeping in and that’s final.”

“Can’t we do that wearing clothes?!” you whined as you landed on the couch again.

“Nope!” Noctis replied. 

“Asshole.” you grabbed the couch blanket, covering your body with it. “Go away!”

“Oh no you don’t Y/N!” he grabbed the ends of the blanket. “Don’t hide from me now!”

“No! Never!” you laughed. Noctis had managed to yank the blanket off you and straddle you. “Tell me who you belong to!” he began tickling your sides.

“No!” you refused. “I’ll never tell!”

“Then I’ll just have to keep going!” he yelled. 

“Okay okay okay! You! i belong to you!”

“Say my name!”

“Noctis! I belong to Noctis!” you laughed. “Please no more!” 

“Damn right you do.” he smirked before leaning down to kiss your lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, returning his affections. 

 “Now, shut up and go to sleep. Be my pillow for a while.” he said tiredly, pressing one last tired kiss on your lips before nestling his head in the crook of your shoulder.

...

“Y/N? Noctis?!” 

Ignis, Prompto and Gladio knocked on the door. 

“Are they not home?” Prompto asked.

“No, Y/N’s car is in the driveway, they have to be here.” Gladio shook his head. “Doesn’t she keep an extra key in one of the flower pots?”

“I believe so.” Ignis nodded. “If I’m not mistaken, it’s behind the cactus.” 

“Got it.” Gladio found the spare house key. 

To say the three were taken aback was an understatement. Of all the sights they could have walked in on, they certainly didn’t expect to see you both, completely naked asleep on the couch. Noctis had his head buried in your chest, his arms wrapped protectively around your body. You were absentmindedly playing with the ends of his hair, using a pillow to prop your head up, also asleep.

“Holy shit.” Gladio whispered.

“What do we have here?!” Prompto whistled, scaring you both awake. 

“G-guys!” you were taken aback. 

“What the- haven’t you guys ever heard of knocking!?” Noctis snapped, pulling the covers over you both. He glared at his friends, they had better keep their eyes on the floor.

“We did knock, but apparently we were interrupting something.” Gladio smirked. 

“YOU THINK?!” You both yelled in unison. 

“Y/N, when I asked you to watch over Noctis, this is sure not what I meant.” You could see that snide smirk appear on Ignis’s face. “It appears you two had fun.”

Well, this is embarrassing.

“Jealous?” Noctis huffed. 

“Of course we are.” Prompto laughed, even though his tone was laced with envy. “Damn looks like you guys made a mess in here.” 

“We’ll be out in like five minutes could you guys just give us a minute?” you sighed.

“Take all the time you need.” Ignis chuckled.

...

“Don’t say a word.” You pointed a warning finger at Ignis. You tightened your belt around your waist. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“My lips are sealed.” Ignis replied, even though he still wore that damn smirk. Little asshole. 

“Looks like Noctis finally had the guts to do something.” Gladio looked you up and down. “You chose him out of all of us?”

“Are you jealous you didn’t get to Y/N first?” Noctis rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around you. “Because it sounds like it.”

“Damn, Noct. Y/N really did some damage on you.” Prompto laughed. 

“Hm,, that doesn’t automatically means the damaged was reciprocated.” Ignis added, causing the other two to laugh.

“Oh really.” you unzipped your jacket and opened it, revealing just how much ‘damage’ Noctis had done. You had word a bikini under your jacket since you planned to go swimming.

“HOLY-” Prompt covered his mouth. 

“Damn.” Ignis breathed.

Gladio was just speechless.

“....That’s what I thought.” you zipped your jacket back up, sending a wink at the boys. “Now, don’t we have a lot to do today, pick your jaws up off the floor, you’ll catch flies that way.” you turned around.

“Daaaammmnnn.” they all chorused. 

“Yep, and she’s mine boys.” Noctis smirked, following after you. The three watched as Noctis turned you around, tightening his arms around your waist and planting a messy kiss on your lips.

You left the other three starstruck men behind, high key beating themselves up for not getting to you first...

(Hiiii!! I wrote this in a day...like it or not ima do more anyways!

Seeya!!!!)

[missblissy]

Rebirth (Chapter Six)

Alastor X Human!Reader ((Reincarnation!AU))

Prologue || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six

((THE TAG LIST IS CURRENTLY DOWN UNTIL I CAN FIX IT!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN! I PROMISE TO HAVE THE TAGGED LIST BACK UP FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER)) ((HERE IS THE SONG THAT ALASTOR SINGS))

“You want to summon... A demon? You do know that goes against literally everything I stand by?” Sage stared at you with narrow eyes. She didn’t seem too pleased that you had asked. 

And you weren’t too pleased that three years of friendship turned out to be a twisted lie, “I don’t think I know anything about you,” You said with a little to much attitude, “I thought you were a chemist that traveled a lot for work. Turns out my best friend is actually a magical witch that kills demons for a living!”

Sage knew she had hurt you, you could see it on her face. You expected her to snap back like she normally would. But she showed complete control, she took a breath in and then out, “I am under an oath to not to share this information with anyone outside my bloodline. I’ve have broken that one and only rule twice. For Van, and for you. I’m supposed to kill you now,” Her words were so cold you almost thought she would. Sage did nothing but give you a stern look. You felt like a child under that gaze, she was only four years older than, but she had the energy of 100-year-old pagan, “I’d rather die for it than let either of you be harmed in any way shape or form. Sharing this information with you has put our lives at risk. So long as you play dumb when you need to, everything will hopefully be fine, but I can’t promise that. So you can see why I kept this from you for so long. I hope you understand it wasn’t to lie or deceive you. It was to protect you. But now the only way for me to protect you is to tell you everything you need to know.”

You suddenly felt immature and bratty. She was right. You were blind to the bigger picture and you felt a little dumb, “I’m sorry,” You said, “I just felt... I don’t know. All of this is so crazy. I feel like the who universe is lying to me and you were apart of that. I know your intentions were in the right place,”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you. There was a mutual understanding and you both silently agreed to move on, “Why do you want to summon a demon? I need to know your reasoning before I share this information with you.”

You could understand her concerns, “Well, what if I were to learn how to summon Alastor? Maybe for a trap?” You told her with a warry voice.

“Well, I wouldn’t doubt it if he had this place tapped in any way. He’s probably listening to us right now. I doubt he’d dare to step out though.”

“Why?” You were curious to see why she was so confident.

“Because I can kill him. And he knows that. He’s too proud and important to let something like that happen. Because if I kill him, Eon will die too. I have a divine weapon that my father passed down to me and his father before him. The Morning Sword, the same sword Lucifer lifted towards God in his rebellion and the same sword he lost when he fell from grace.”

Holy shit. You had to see this sword, “Where is?” You asked, “Can I see?”

Sage smirked slightly, her blue eyes sparkled a little. She nodded, “Sure,” With a quick wave of her hand, a sword started to manifest before your eyes. It was made of silver and gold, with its own source of blue light leaking between the designs. It fell quickly into Sage’s hand and she swiftly turned it and placed it before you. The blade rested in her open palms, “This sword destroys any soul it comes in contact with,”

“Why isn’t it hurting you then?” You asked, not sure if you wanted to touch it or not.

“Souls are protected deep within our bodies,” Sage explained. 

You reached out and placed a finger on the glowing blade. A little zap of electricity pricked your finger. You were just about to take the sword in your own hands when a little buzz went off. Sage pulled out her phone, gave it one look, then sighed heavily.

“I have to go,” She said while the sword fizzled out of existence. She opened her mouth to explain but you cut her off.

“I understand. Demon stuff.”

Sage’s smile was small but wholesome, “Everything you need is in this bag,” You had almost forgotten that it was sitting next to you, “I’ll text you, okay?” She quickly got up to her feet and soon she was at the door, “Let Van know if you need anything too. I’ll see you late, (Y/n),”

You waved at your friend and watched her go. You were alone again and you felt a chill. You remembered what Sage said, about Alastor having this place tapped. 

You wanted to see him, and you hated admitting that to yourself. The book had answered some questions. Things like who you were when you were a demon. You were called The Crybaby Demon, and you were the Gate Keeper of Hell. You married Alastor seven or eight years after meeting him. Eon technically owned your soul but since you were reincarnated, he lost his power over it. And even how you met and fell in love with Alastor. 

It was hard to see him as the same demon who was trying to trick you into going to hell. It was more like... someone desperately trying to get back to their life. Or afterlife in this case. 

You stood up from the couch. You looked around slowly then felt stupid as you called out, “Alastor...?” Nothing happened. Maybe he really left for good?

Suddenly Buck came out from hiding. He slowly walked from your bedroom and his tiger eyes watched your every move. That's when you remembered that... Buck had something to do with all of this.

You felt silly as you reached your hand out. Buck rubbed his cheek against your fingers and purred loudly, “Can you bring Alastor here?” You asked quietly.

And that’s when you felt it. That energy that caused your hairs to rise. The soft stale static fizzled in and out of your ear. He was here. What happened to that big screaming portal? Or could he hide that from your eyes too? You looked around and followed the waves as they pulsed from where ever Alastor was hiding. You faced the windows between your kitchen and living room. 

You saw the curtains flutter slightly, then you saw a shadow flash across the floor, “Alastor?” You called out with a weak voice. You weren’t sure where he went.

As you started to take a few steps back, you felt a cold chill on the back of your neck, “You called~?” His voice was loud and muffled at the same time. He spoke through that filter, that old microphone voice. You spun around and saw Alastor grinning at you, “Hello, my darling dear.”

You were frozen for a second. You almost forgot that he was a demon. A murderer. And if you could remember correctly... a cannibal. You gulped, then spoke weakly, “Hi,” You started, “I... I wanted to see you,” As you admitted that you saw Alastor’s smile grow, “I’ve been reading the book you left. And... I want to know more about who I was. Parts of the book won’t appear for me- even with my blood! They just stay blank,” 

Alastor chuckled then began to walk in a circle around you, “I’m aware,” He grinned loosely, “I can’t get all the pages to show for me, either, so I can’t help you there,”

“I thought it wouldn’t work for you?” Didn’t the book say it was cursed or something so Alastor couldn’t read it?

“I found a way in. But the book only shows me what it wants me to see, the same for you, darling, what did it show you?” 

That didn’t make sense... The book only showed you passages about Alastor. If it showed him something different than what he saw... “It only showed me things about you,” 

Something sparkled in his eyes and he took a step towards you. Leaning down into your sights, “What could you ever want to know about me?” His eyes were wide and wild as they flashed an emotion in them that you could barely pick out. 

Your heart raced and you felt a little frightened, “You... were my husband?”

“I was,” He hummed lowly.

“You loved me?” You had to hear him say it. You didn’t know why, but you just had to.

“I did,” Alastor took a step away from you, a smaller smile on his face, “I still do,” You felt something twitch in your chest. Something old and unknown to your mind yet familiar to your soul, “And I know you don’t love me,” Alastor when on, “But I want to change that!” He rocked on his heels then snapped his finger. Suddenly he wasn’t a demon anymore. He was a human, a young man in casual attire, “If you’ll let me, that is, my dear. I want a chance at being in your life again. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy,”

He peered at you through his round glasses. A natural smile rested on his face. He held a hand out towards you. A part of you wanted to take his hand in yours and see what would happen. Another part tould you to run. He was still a demon. Weren’t they supposed to trick you with pretty words?

You shook that thought away because you knew Alastor loved you. The book showed you that he loved your soul more than anything in this world. When you looked up at Alastor’s face, you could even see a small flash of pleading in his eyes. You lifted your hand and barely graced your fingers on his. 

As soon as your skin touched his, Alastor grabbed your hand quickly and pulled you to him. You were brought close to his embrace. Warmth radiated off his body and soon you were swept away into a magical place. Music started to play, you realized it came from Alastor. 

Alastor was dressed in a dark deep crimson red suit and matching bowtie. His glasses were gone and you were dressed in matching a long and elegant dress, the same shade of red as Alastor’s suit. He hummed lowly then you watched him sing. His voice was staticky again as if he was singing on an old radio show, “Alooooone~.... At the edge of a universe humming a tuunnee..... For merely dreaming we were snow...Mhmmm..” He leaned in close and you felt something spark in your heart and travel to your cheeks. Alastor was face to face with you, only inches away, “A siren sooouunds!!! Like the goddess who promises endless apologies of paradise... And only she can make it riiight~” He gave you this look, still inching closer, he sucked in a breath and sang on “So things are different tonight!”

Pianos and music leaked from an unknown source, Alastor pulled you through a portal that you didn’t even see open and suddenly as an orchestra of music played you found yourself in a city you had never seen before, “We’ll go toogeetheerr... In flight!” 

It was as if you were in a magical movie. Stars began to fly around you as you realized you were in a graveyard in a hot and muggy city. Alone. With Alastor. He sung away every problem and worry that came to your troubled mind. His voice was so hypnotic and beautiful. It was like you were under a spell as he grabbed your hand in his and began to dance with you. You watched little ghosts appear from behind gravestones that rose above the ground. Gaves were stacked into each other, with statues and cross decorating them. Little ghosts of all kinds fluttered around as little sparkly stars flustered to life.

“It's Now & Never!” He began to sing again, a smile on Alastor’s face, “A reverie endeavor... awaits somnambulant directives to take the helm!” Suddenly the two of you spun so quickly that everything faded into a blur, “Believe me, darling! !The stars were made for falling!” And like that all the little stars he made began to fall, “Like melting obelisks as tall as another realm~!”

You were still in the graveyard, mesmerized the galaxies that started to form out of seemingly nothing. Music still played and Alastor was dancing some kind of tango with you. A smile grew on your face, you couldn’t stop it. You didn’t know he could be so whimsical and magical. He even started to sing in French (or that’s what you thought) and you had no idea what he was saying but it made your heart race in your chest. 

Suddenly he was singing in English again, “It feels like flying~!” You saw his demonic face flash for only a second, “But maybe we're dyyiiing~! A cosmic confluence of Pyramids hologrammed!! She knows you heard her, staging music murder in line before the show began to be where I am!”

The music changed it’s beat and once again Alastor was leading you through the graveyard. Trees grew all over, most of them were weeping willows. Fireflies began to come out of hiding and they were soon spinning into a swarm, obviously, it was Alastor’s doing. The fireflies shot up into the sky and blew up like fireworks. You could hear the voice of a woman softly singing in the background of the music as jingle bells chimed away. You could barely even understand what the voice was singing. Alastor’s voice drifted into the background but his mouth never opened beside the flash of a toothy grin here and there.

As the music slowed down, Alastor had brought you to a large weeping willow tree that protected a gazebo under its long viny branches. It sounded like you could hear the ocean but you knew it was just a trick.

Alastor quickly brought you close to him, close enough that your chests were touching, his arm snaked around your waist while the other held your hand up in the air. He started to waltz with you, looking down with dark brown eyes and a loving smile on his face, “You look quite divine tonight~!” The fireflies were back, flickering away as they spun around the both of you as you waltzed together, “Here among these vibrant lights! Pure delights surround us as we sail! Signed, yours truly, the whale! Joy mirage's kingdom come...No one left at stake~! Now that existence is on the wake, let's see what we can make!” 

The two of you slowed down, only swaying now. You barely even forgot that Alastor wasn’t a human, he was a stranger to you. But the way it felt to have your hand in his was totally intoxicating. There was a wave of energy that flowed from him and straight into your heart. 

Is this what love felt like? To have someone love you unconditionally and for all of eternity? You couldn’t tell and you weren’t sure if you were ready to know. You just couldn’t stop that little smile on your face as you looked up at him. Alastor was only humming a tune now while giving you the softest smile you had ever seen on his face. 

You had no idea, but this was everything Alastor had been waiting for. A moment like this was priceless, it was almost like he had you back for real this time. He knew not to rush this though, he knew that he had to do this right if he was to ever get you to come back to him.

The fireflies started to fly away save for a few dozen that flickered away under the gazebo roof. Alastor’s body against yours was warm and beating with a pulse of life. His radio heart swelled with love and you could have sworn that he was more human than demon.  

You looked up to him with questions in your eyes, “Where are we?” You finally asked. 

Soft music was still playing, you could hear it coming from Alastor’s body. He hummed and gave you a little spin then brought you back to him, “New Orleans,” He said quietly as if this wasn’t freaking huge.

You gave him a look, a raised brow, “Didn’t you say you were from here?” 

He nodded his head, “I’m actually buried a few rows over,” Why was he so casual about this?

You nearly shook your head as you took a double-take on what he said, “Wait.. like... your body?” He nodded his head again and that soft smile was still on his face, “Can... Can we see?”

The two of you were standing still now. Alastor let go of your hand only to snake his arm under yours, linking you together by the elbow, “Sure, I don’t see why not,” His voice was low and sounded like the purr of a cat... or demon. 

You walked with him, still linked by the arm. This graveyard was so beautiful. It was filled with old statues with patches of moss and dirt scattered across them. It was dark and the sun had set but it’s enchanting colors still scattered across the sky. It made a painting of blues and pinks and purples. You could smell the heavy scent of roses drifting in the wind. 

As you neared a tomb at the end of a road, Alastor slowly came to a stop. The headstone was destroyed on top of the grave liner, shattered and broken into rubble. It even looked like someone cracked open the concert vault and had stolen the bones inside.  The second grave next to it was also broken apart and vandalized. You looked at him with worried eyes but he didn’t seem fazed. 

“I-... I’m sorry,” You started to mumble.

Alastor quickly waved his free hand back and forth, ushering your to stop your worrying, “I’ve already killed the fools who desecrated mine and my mother’s graves. Worry not, my little doe, it’s what one gets for being a serial killer,”

You had almost forgotten about that. It was hard to imagine that Alastor was an infamous serial killer, cannibal and radio show host. 

Lucky for you, google existed and you had done a little research on Alastor. You looked at him as you brought a finger to your chin, “It was.. La-...Lafloor?” You tried to remember what that damn google search said.

Alastor chuckled and suddenly his voice took this deep, southern creole accent, “Alastor Narcisse LaFleur,” It sounded like he was speaking a totally different language, but it was his name. He gazed down at you fondly, amused at your lack of understanding, “I was a radio show host most of my adult life while murdering 51 people in the course of seven years,” He spoke fondly of his life, a look of pride on his face, “However one day I got a tip from a dear old friend that my cover was blown. I ran from the police,” He started to chuckle, “They almost got me, but I got pretty far and POW!,” Then he pretended to shoot himself in the head with a smile, “I did it before they could.” 

What a cruel and ironic way to go. Life had a funny sense of humor. You could not understand why you felt so bad for him. You reached out and dared to touch his arm, but you stopped just short. He had noticed your advancement and gave you a look, “Do not feel sorry for me, my dear, I’m already dead!” At least he made you chuckle, “Please, I’d love to leave this place and take you somewhere nice.”

The idea didn’t sound half bad, “Sure!” You wanted to see where this would go. You couldn’t stop craving the attention he gave you. Something wild and unknown to you called out to be by Alastor’s side and you gave into that call. Perhaps it had something to do with your soul, you guessed, maybe it was because your soul knew Alastor better than you did. That gut feeling you normally ignored grew larger and more apparent. 

You were curious to see what Alastor had instore, you were still linked with him by the arm as the two of your quietly strode out of the graveyard. You couldn’t stop the smile that crawled into your face as you happily gave into the magic and wonder that was Alastor. What else could he possibly have in store? Well, you’d just have to wait and see~

[bittervitter]

ang0mang0′s “copycat” claims

I didn’t want to have to make another post about this, but since people on sonicfan799 / thatAnge / @ang0mang0′s Tumblr profile are getting riled up about this ridiculous drama that should have died ages ago, I figured I’d defend myself. Some people who are trying to support me have been saying incorrect things too, so I also wanted to clear that up. This crap has been going on for months, everyone is sick of it by now. Instead of being brief like I did for other social medias, I’ll be as detailed as possible this time.

[1] “she’s copying/imitating/heavily referencing from my art style!!!”

Like people have said a million times, no I’m not. And nor is anyone else. Just because someone draws the Sonic characters in a similar style to you does not automatically mean they took, copied or “stole” those ideas from you. You don’t own the concept of buff, fluffy bodies or chubby muzzles. COINCIDENCE, as much as you hopelessly deny it, is very much a possible thing- even in crazy situations such as this. There are several other artists who have similar art styles by mere coincidence. IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. As examples, these Instagram artists have similar styles: @ azulytoons and @ indigonite0 / @ magenta_mel and @ zer0finix / @ himemikal and @ natirix. NONE of these artists are “stealing” or referencing from each other- they just have similar art styles, and that is perfectly okay! They draw completely different things with completely different mindsets. The world does not revolve around you, ang0. Not everyone knows who you are, so some people who use the same traits that we do don’t even know we exist.

Also, to anyone unaware, an art STYLE is not merely how one chooses to portray a character. An art STYLE is also what brushes you use, how you sketch, how you line, how you colour, how you shade, how you choose to portray certain objects or ideas- basically your entire fucking understanding of how something’s supposed to look and how you LIKE it to look. It’s not just “chubby faces, poofy curly hair, buff bodies”. It’s everything in a piece AND that.

[2] “she’s tracing my art/ redrawing my ideas!”

Literally no. People have constantly asked you to provide evidence and you refused to. All you did was scream “but it’s so obvious, just look at it!” or “are you dumb? use your eyes!” and several other insults. If you want to prove a point or make someone see something, GIVE. EVIDENCE. The only person who actually provided “proof” was pin_kpeach, your ever so loyal whiteknight, but her “proof” only backfired and proved that the both of you are extremely delusional. In the drawings of ours that she layered over each other, next to NONE of the lines lined up. It looked like a clustered mess of scrap, and the reason for that is because IT WASN’T TRACED. In the one or two drawings where ONE. SINGLE. PIECE. actually lined up was entirely zoomed in to make it seem as though the whole thing was traced. No, honey, that’s not how you provide proof. That’s how you pull a muscle by reaching so desperately to lie about me. The rest of the drawings in those pictures didn’t line up at all, and one- or I believe both- needed to be titled to line them up in the first place. You could say that some people trace things and resize or rotate them, but if I were as dumb as you persist to say, then I wouldn’t have done something like that. Either way, one aspect of a drawing lining up is a common thing for people who have similar styles because- well, I just said it. THEY HAVE SIMILAR STYLES. If they draw something the same way, well fucking duh, it’ll match someone else’s drawing almost exactly sometimes.

[3] “she’s too petty and too much of a liar to credit me! saying the art isn’t hers will hurt her oversized ego!”

Ahaha no. The only one here with an inflated ego is you, ang0. You call me the egotistical one yet you act as though your life is falling apart just because someone else draws like you on the internet. Stop acting like a special snowflake, you are not the only one on this planet with an art style of that nature. I don’t credit you because crediting you makes no damn sense. Why should I credit someone who’s had absolutely no impact on my work whatsoever? What in the hell did you do for my drawings that makes you deserve so much credit? Did you sketch it? No. Did you line it? Nope. Did you colour or shade it? Not a chance. Just because I came up with a design for the characters that happens to look like yours does not mean I owe you jack shit. You cannot. own. a style. Get over it.

[4] “she worsened my depression and is the reason I can’t draw anymore! I have no motivation when there’s some idiot copycat stealing all my art!”

I don’t want to sound like that kind of person, but you worsened your own depression. You painted this false picture in your head and continue to hang onto that belief like your life depends on it. I haven’t done ANYthing to you. You came to ME with these stupid claims back when my art looked LESS like yours, before I even knew who you were. You’re making yourself feel horrible because you, for some paranormal reason, refuse to believe that you’re not the only one with that kind of style. This is why people call you childish, you’re like a whiny baby that can’t accept another child having a toy similar to yours. I can’t even decide whether I should say “grow up” because you’re older than me- not to mention you’re an ADULT.

[5]”she constantly sends her whiteknights to attack me, harass me and send me threatening messages!”

I’ve said several times to my followers NOT to harass you or your followers or anyone against me in this mess at all. I do not send anyone after you. People say things to you out of their own free will and with their own words. I can’t magically know when this happens, why they decide to and I especially can’t control anyone. I’m sorry that my friend Koro sent you all those DMs and horrible messages wishing a lot of very bad things onto you and your family- I asked her several times before and after not to do that, but I didn’t have a clue she did it until after the fact. Either way, don’t go around assuming that I put people up to this or I intentionally ask people to do these things to you. Why in the hell would I do that? What good does that do? All I wanted to do was talk things out but at this point, you don’t even take me seriously, so I can’t even try anymore. The few times we did talk you refuse to see my point of view and just see me as a liar. What the hell am I supposed to do then?

[6]”all vio does is lie, she’s so fake all the time, lying for her petty ego”

I’m not even sure how to respond to this but I thought I might as well bring it up. No matter what I do or say, ang0 sees me as nothing but some retarded liar that can’t help but lie their way around everything, even though I’ve been nothing but genuine all this time. It’s why I can’t even communicate with her anymore, because “shut up, stop lying you copycat” is all I get in response basically.

[7] her insane hypocrisy

Ange and pin_kpeach have said numerous times that I’m rude or insult her, and there have been times where I’ve been mean out of anger, but I know for a fact I apologized for it in DMs. Ange apologized too. I don’t remember ever insulting her after that, but ang0 doesn’t ever stop ridiculing and insulting me with almost every comment she makes on the drama. If she really was sorry, she wouldn’t have done it again, but I guess she said “fuck it” and just continued anyway. Pin_kpeach likes to say I’M the hypocrite for saying Ange is harassing me yet being rude to her a couple times, yet they do they exact same thing, but even worse?? I try my best to be as civil as possible, but ang0 and pink don’t waste a second calling me and my supporters all sorts of colourful names just because they don’t agree with her claims. In fact, here’s a list of every single thing ang0’s ever called me:

retarded, retard, stupid, idiot, dumb, low IQ, mentally ill, crazy, talentless, skill-less, copycat, art thief, (dumb) cow, fuckhole, asshole, bitch, wanna-be artist, unreasonable, clown, fake, liar, hypocrite, delusional, dick, stalker, bittershitter, dumbass, immature

There’s probably more than that, but that’s as much as I can remember. Not hard to forget when she repeats them almost all the time.

[8] gatekeeping ideas

Ange and pink act as if two people drawing a character in the same outfit automatically equals “du bist kopying mein style!!”. I can’t even begin to imagine the mental gymnastics you need to do in order to believe a thought process like that is logical. She thinks that anyone who draws Amy in a dress with a white under-skirt or white ruffles underneath is nothing but a copied idea from her. She thinks that me drawing Amy in a green tank top, blue backwards cap and blue sports shorts is copying her drawing of Amy in a green unidentifiable top (you could only see her back, she didn’t seem to have straps) and blue sports shorts with a slightly different design is automatically copied from her. The poses, shading, angle and idea behind the drawing were COMPLETELY different- but nonono, “this is stolen because the outfit is the same!” They also use the excuse of the whole chubby faces, curly hair, blah blah blah- see point [1] as to why that’s BS.

[9] her perception of my followers/supporters

Aside from Koro, I don’t know if anyone has seriously threatened or harassed her. Her followers comment on my posts, my followers only comment when she brings up the drama or whines about it. She insults my supporters when they don’t agree with her and act like they’re a bunch of immature brats who are wrong while she’s the high and mighty mature one seeing through non-existent lies. I’m used to her making fun of me, but I’m sick and tired of her insulting people who have nothing to do with the drama just because they don’t agree with her. Like, seriously? You call everyone immature and stupid yet you’re the one insulting people non-stop just because they realize how ridiculous and childish you’re acting. That’s why “childish” has become a popular adjective for you, ang0. BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING CHILDISH. CONSTANTLY. You get pissy, insult others and put people down but whine and cry the next minute because you constantly like to play the victim. Speaking of which...

[10] the victim card

I have absolutely no idea what ang0 goes through in real life, but there is no excuse for how she’s behaved during this drama AT ALL. Ange constantly defames her own artwork, calling it shit, calling it every bad name in the book, but doesn’t hesitate for a minute to gatekeep her style as if it was the best thing in the world. She says it’s because she “worked her ass off” and doesn’t want people just stealing her hard work. Okay, but you do realize that other people put just as much work into their own art, no matter if it looks like yours or not, right? She demands that people change their style to stop looking like hers, acting as if that can be done in a matter of minutes, because people having similar styles makes her uncomfortable. Well, surprise motherfucker- welcome to the internet. No one is original and everyone is original at the same time. People are bound to come up with similar ideas and you’re just going to have to deal with it. But despite the similarities, people are still original in their own right. If you believe that people can change a style so easily, why not just change your OWN style? Because you worked your ass off? Well, THEY WORKED THEIR ASS OFF TOO. So don’t act like you’re the only one who’s put effort into their craft. Art is hard, and that applies to EVERYONE- even professionals.

You blame me and other “copycats” for all your problems, blaming us for worsening your depression, ruining your passion for art- when you’re the only one who does this to yourself. Yes, there have been genuine art thieves in your life, and people who have stolen your art- but what I’m talking about are the people like me who DON’T steal your art or are merely inspired by you. People who say “you should be happy they’re inspired!” aren’t saying “you should be happy they’re copying!”. They’re saying that you should be glad that your work is so inspiring that people create their own unique ideas based off your own. Inspiration doesn’t require credit unless they’re purposefully taking a massive part of the original. But being inspired by a hair style or even a pose isn’t stealing. It’s inspiration, that’s it. I’m not inspired by you at all, but I can at least appreciate your art- even if you think I’m just being fake.

[11] ang0mang0′s history and why this shit doesn’t even make sense

Ange has said publicly and to me in detail about how she’s been accused of the same “art style theft” in the past. From what I’ve gathered or heard, people used to accuse her of copying a popular artist called myly14 who’s Sonic art is pretty much everywhere. Whether it be in edits, MVs or whatever else.  Looking at her old art when she went under the name sonicfan799, her art does look similar to myly’s, but ang0 insisted that she didn’t copy myly and didn’t even know who she was. She legit said “it’s not my fault my art looks like someone else’s”, so basically- it was coincidence. She said she changed her art style because she “isn’t an asshole and didn’t want to make the other artist uncomfortable”, even though art style theft isn’t a thing and no one needs to be forced out of a style just because someone else already draws that way. I have no idea what myly’s stance on that situation was, but the fact that it happened just proves how stupid her current claims are.

Ange says that her style is “too complex” to be coincidentally similar to someone else’s, even though the fact that it’s happened 30 times (according to her) just proves that no, ang0, no it fucking isn’t. Your style isn’t complicated at all. Detailed sure, but no style is too complicated to be similar to another’s. Being complex doesn’t make something any less likely to be identical to another complex style.If you didn’t copy myly14 in the past, what right do you have to accuse me of the same damn thing? If I really am copying you, then you have to admit to copying myly, because you can’t just lie about your past and then shit on me for doing the same thing. So it’s either you stop this nonsense or you drag this drama down with you to your grave and admit you copied myly14.

Another thing, myly14 didn’t even have a “simple” style. The fact that her art was almost instantly recognizable and popular meant that she had a signature style that stood out. Yes, she used a lot of the original Sonic style’s anatomy, but her stylization of said anatomy, her shading and the way she composed her pieces gave her a signature style. The most stylized thing I could see was how she drew muzzles, and guess who drew muzzles in a similar way as well? You did. People saw how your way of drawing faces and some parts of the body and thought it looked liked myly’s. The similarities in your anatomy, and not your shading or colouring, was what made people think you copied her. That exact same thing is happening between me and you. My shading, colouring and composition is entirely different from yours, but some parts of the anatomy are similar.

If you really didn’t copy myly14, you have absolutely no. fucking. excuse. to accuse me of the EXACT. SAME. SHIT. that happened to you.

You never needed or deserved to be pressured out of your old style just because people thought it looked similar to someone else’s, and that’s why I refuse to change my style now. Because it isn’t. fucking. fair. To ANYONE.

[12] how I feel (this is copied over from my DeviantART)

At this point I've grown used to what she has to say, but it still hurts. She thinks that I'm some kind of cartoon villain maniacally laughing behind a computer screen every time I post something because she's so deep into her belief that I really copy everything she draws and that nothing I've never posted has any true effort put into it. She genuinely believes she owns all my art and that I devote my entire gallery into recreating her image or some crazy shit like that. It sounds really dumb, but from what I've read from her poorly constructed comments and rants, that's basically what she believes.

She thinks I don't care at all about how all this affects her or anyone at all, but I do. It doesn't just hurt me in the sense that she makes me feel awful with all her insults, but I just feel so bad for her. I feel guilty in the sense that I couldn't do anything at all to help her, not that "shes prolly feeling guilty and made that april fools joke to let out some guilt!!". (If you don’t know, on April Fools Day, I changed my Instagram bio to say “clown” and call myself “the ultimate copycat” as a joke.) That was a really stupid reaction from her by the way... who the hell comes up with that? Now that she's going away for a month, I feel even worse because all I wanted to do was try to make her come to her senses and end this mess. I thought I could talk some sense into her- that didn't work. Her delusions are so strong, she's like a brick wall. I thought I could ignore the drama- that didn't work. She "clowns" and talks about it so annoyingly often. Not to mention people do things on their own to stir shit up. I thought I could support her regardless and maybe try making her feel better about her art- that didn't work. She thinks I'm fake and that everything I say is a lie. Because of me, she probably doesn't believe other people too- and that makes me feel even more terrible.

No matter what I do, I'm automatically the villain and she's the tortured, helpless artist that everyone is against because "everyone is dumb, supporting a copycat" and she's just "used to it, because she's dealt with so much shit already!". It's so ridiculous. If she would just try to actually better herself or the situation, she wouldn't feel so horrible all the time. Like... for god's sake, she relied on a video game to make her happy- that's not healthy, and just like I suspected, it didn't fucking work.

more of how I feel

Because of ang0, I just feel like garbage. My self esteem and confidence in my art was already low. Thanks to her, I don’t feel original (or as original) anymore- and I’m afraid to show many of my new or old ideas because she or her whiteknight pin_kpeach may spring out and say “copycat! stolen! you’re not original!” and a plethora of other insults. I can barely sketch or draw Sonic content without panicking and feeling worthless because all I have is her words and her opinions stuck in my head. She blames me for her demotivation and shit like that when she’s done the same thing to me. She thinks I don’t care about her or her art, when I do, but when I say that, she calls me fake. In reality, ang0 couldn’t give a damn about me and I’m pretty sure she’d be happy if I were dead. She has said before that she doesn’t care if I killed myself soo... there’s that. Anyway lemme not drag my feelings out too long, I just thought I’d say it to anyone willing to listen since her immediate response would’ve been “fake, liar” etc, etc. I really don’t want anyone to feel bad for me or anything like that, I just want people to listen and understand. That’s all.

a final note

I’m really thankful- like, REALLY thankful- for everyone who’s been on my side throughout this. I don’t like picking sides, and I’d hate to make people do so, but there doesn’t seem to be any in between to this at all. It’s either you believe I’m copying her or you don’t.  Most people don’t- thank goodness for that- but some do. And there’s nothing I can do about it. At this point, whatever man.

Please please PLEASE do not harass ang0. Don’t threaten her, don’t insult her, don’t do anything rash or fucking illegal. It’s all fair game if you want to POLITELY SPEAK to her, or try to start a discussion, but please don’t do anything stupid. And especially don’t do things in my name. If you want to debate with me or her, do research first- don’t just jump to conclusions or make assumptions.If you want nothing to do with this drama, then simply don’t say anything- just be aware of what’s going on, that’s all I ask. So nobody gets the wrong idea on either side.

Sorry for this being so long, I think I’m done for now.

Thank you if you read the whole thing.

[9.4.2020]