#Anyway I might be done being annoying
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I wanna. Draw
#Chatterbomb#Gonna be cringe. I want to draw human bill#I got inspired by redemption arc stuff and I think it would be funny if part of his rehabilitation was being human on earth#But like. He has to do good things#A begrudging angel or something#But still like. Bill#Also I think more people should give him a girl form. As a former girl and current owner of female parts I think heād like how painful it i#Maybe heād be trans masc for more pain (binding and bottom growth)#I get why for narrative reasons he gets āacceptedā into the mystery shack but. I donāt think theyād be that forgiving#Also. Thatās a grown ass man. Heād throw tantrums but he would not be tucked into bed or helped down off of a shelf#If he DID work at the mystery shack the axolotl wouldāve had to be there and basically beg them to help rehabilitate him#Iād say melody should get to beat him up but heād probably like it and she didnāt deserve that#Anyway I might be done being annoying#For now
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I wanted to make some kilt hose for the Highland Games but could only manage a single ho š
Guess I could hop.
#actually checked the weather and itās going to be in the ninties so no wool socks for me#pretty pictures come after the socks are both done#wouldnāt have been able to wear them anyway though because Iāve just remembered my plaid skirt is in the darning hoop#knitblr#knit socks#knit kilt hose#kilt hose#Highland Schottische Kilt Hose#Nancy bush#I have very thick calves and ankles and the cuff is too tight. thinking I might rip it out and reknit it on 3 mms#i remember being 8 and my friend telling me how gross it was someone she knew had ākanklesā. didnāt know what they were but thought it was#stupid to care what your ankles look like. promptly gave me a complex about them and I ended up having ākanklesā anyway#it is stupid to care what your ankles look like although itās annoying not to fit knit sock patterns š
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ive been playing the sims with the isat cast. also have the wicked whims mod so theres freaky awesome gay sex happening like 40% of the time. these sims want to FUCKK
#venustxt#the dynamics that are happening are great honestly. im doing sloopis but loop has the jealous trait which means i cant make them poly#i have to turn off cheating-related-jealousy for it to work. which i did. after isafrin flirted in front of loop. so that was an awkward ni#ht. i canonized it as they had a conversation about it. after i was done being annoyed that the jealous trait works the way it does#also sloop AND isaloop fucked before isafrin. even tho isafrin were an official couple first.#AND loop got pregnant. and then immediately got an abortion and announced the pregnancy by basically saying guess what im NOT pregnant anym#re. which ended up making both them and siffrin depressed as hell for a couple days bc of Complex Feelings#im having fun#anyways im gonna try to get siffrin pregnant. might post images because i know that would be a hit with the folks here
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š®āšØ
[sorry for the hardcore tag rants, y'all]
#more than a little exhausted by certain things#no stability anywhere in life#not in work or family or even friends#would settle for literally just one single shred of continuity and reliance#one single piece of my life I can count on to be there for me and reliable and safe#just a shred of something or someone being there for me in the long run#work has proven garbage#family is so fucking volatile it might as well be an unhandled explosive#and the very few threads of friendship I've found and thought were worth the time and effort to strengthen have just#left me abandoned or floundering doing either all the work to be left behind or what I can to be uncounted for#either nothing or not enough and not counted for in the long run#because apparently my friendship is just as forgettable or easily disregarded as every other part of me#or at least that's how it definitely fuckin feels#and I'm So Spooked when it comes to making friends!#I'm scared to connect with people who actually seem genuinely interested in getting to know me and talk to me!#and that sucks bc I want to get to know them but everyone else seemed interested at first too and then a few months later!#they're just as hard to get in touch with as everyone else who turns away!#I don't want to annoy anyone or be too much anymore#I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt like a big giant fucking baby!#i know it's mostly on me and managing shit but it still just. sucks ASS.#I don't wanr to be scared to make friends because people abandon me#I don't want to run people off#I want to be better and have better because I know I deserve it#sorry for ranting I'm just. incredibly jacked up about some more recent stuff bc it brought up long term stuff#i am not immune to hating myself bc of bad friends#anyway yeah sorry i am done grambling#grant grumbles#grambling is my new grant grumbles extra#also to you amazing guys who are so full of love (myccc and hack!!!!!) ily tons and you bring me life#i am trying to be just as cool and worthy as you both!!!! please don't ever leave me! you keep me going even if I don't show it well!!!
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n e ways. high
#or at least getting there. angry that my bf can never put my fucking pen back where it belongs so i had to take an edible instead#like. im so done w being annoyed or mad at him genuinely i am. i wish i wasnt such an angry person#but also like. grow the fuck up and realise you are Also an adult human being. to err is to be human but fucking Come ON.#anyway. who wants to come kiss me sloppy style.#might watch saw again maybe saw 3d idk i havent decided yet. tho i think i want to see hoffman so. :)#talk tag
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#finally wrote the doctor and asked for an appointment! yippie!#because genuinely. this is getting way too annoying#and i am so so kaputt#i hate the shame about bodies and bodily functions that's ingrained in our brains because bro!!! it's your body and its functions!#it's normal and nothing to be ashamed of!!#that being said it took me nearly a week to work up the courage lol#and i also thought that it might go away#in any case the first step is done#sigh#f talks#just realized the grammar is nor grammaring in my first tag#anyway that's how you recognise a german
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you know whats more annoying than dems calling vance and trump weird is all the condescending posts justifying it actually. like im a bit annoyed about "weird" being used this way but also like man if it fucking works i guess
but do i have to keep seeing daily posts exhaustively justifying how normie midwesterners use weird different or whatever the fuck man just shut up and call them weird then, stop justifying it to me
#toy txt post#i see the value in pointing out to somehow apolitical ppl that these guys are weird in the sense of being invasive controlling racist#creeps with unhinged fucking priorities. i also see the harm in conflating it with 'weird'. i see the value in using it against them#especially since it seems to be? sticking? and i hope most ppl are capable of recognizing that the dems are not using it to mean harmlessl#harmlessly strange or queer or whatever but to mean a fucking creepy asshole with bad motives and priorities#even if the right tries so so so so hard to conflate that meaning with queerness#i also dread the idea that they might start fucking trying to reclaim weird but i dont know if they will. i dont know if theyll redefine it#to work for them. if they can overcome the way they associate it with queerness and neurodivergence. but i do kinda dread a future where#they try to reclaim it like they did with the 'deplorables' shit. regardless of that: the most annoying in all this is everyone writing#fucking thinkpieces about it actually. and the condescending tone of NO YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH THIS#THATS annoying. also:#the dems are going to have to pivot from this at some point anyway. its going to get Stale if nothing else.#i also think calling it cyberbullying is just. not even accurate anyway?#idk. but ik so done reading everyones Takes on it like goddddddd#i also have mixed feelings about the couchfucker misinfo but not as much#mostly like. in terms of misinfo it really doesnt feel worse than the ted cruz zodiac killer thing#except maybe more believable? but also lower stakes lmao#idk. just. sure man#fucking keep fash out of power#fix shit#make it better#the justification makes it worse almost. like cos it means you know my fucking issue with it. just shut the fuck up and call them weird and#ill grit my teeth and assume youre living a sheltered normie life and dont know the joys of weird and thats why youre using it like that#whatever man
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this isn't meant to like. make you give your opinion on Discourseā¢ļø or anything I just wanted to ask, but I keep seeing people upset about taylor dating mr. 1975 and I can't figure out if it's bc he's a terrible person or just a greasy alcoholic ššš do you know what's up with that guy??? like on one hand I like not knowing things about celebs and I should keep it that way. but also
i, unfortunately, do know what's up with that guy and it's that he's said something problematic about every faction of society at least once. for me i have some weird, reluctant fondness for him because he is just a train wreck and he's such a twat all the time that at least it's nondiscriminating, and i also like that when he sings about mental illness it's bc he's actually BEEN THERE and been publicly a mess bc of it and been addicted to drugs and acted like a dick, and he ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, but also at no point am i gonna jump on the 'he's an amazing person' parade bc generally he is just a sleazy idiot. it is weird watching people suddenly dragging up every single thing he's ever said to be like 'look! this is why he's bad for our tay tay!' when the running joke with matty healy is that he's just a prick. like u dont need to expose his moral fibre. u can just say he's a prick. and also as funny as the jokes are she's still a grown woman who's been around the block a few times when it comes to dating. i think she will be okay maybe
#idk that's just what i think though. like he's been cancelled more times than he has songs and yet a lot of us are still here#and he acknowledges it like there's a running gag at his live shows where he goes to say a very explosive sentence and then he gets cut off#by the band with a random song it's so funny. like he'll go 'i just think that immigrants- *LOUD GUITAR*' & i think that's a part of it too#is that a lot of people don't get that sometimes he's being ironic? he takes it too far and these days he's annoying#but idk ive seen certain instances where im like. that went over so many people's heads#idk i just dont think he's Evil and Malicious i think he's just a prick. like people can just be pricks even if they're super famous. wild#he's so fucking pretentious but he got famous for being REAL and his music has helped a lot of people because of how real it was#like i made a post a while ago about his song 'give yourself a try' and how the concept of it is literally#'life is a little bit shit to be quite honest with you and you WILL get fucked over by it and fuck yourself over but you're here anyway#so you might as well give it a go' like???? so many mental health ballads are like 'the world is So Beautiful and So Are You'#but matty healy ALWAYS has gone actually it isnt and you arent. whatever though#and i just really like that#ask#also big disclaimer that i dont have an encyclopedic knowledge of all the dumb shit matty healy has said ive just been listening#to the band for a while and have picked shit up along the way. if it turns out he's done some actually reprehensible shit that ive missed#then that's literally bc i do not actively run in 1975 circles and do not intend to ever start <3 so dont yell at me LMAO
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I know I like, just said this, but Scott and Hailey's relationship is a weak point in this show. They don't really have... chemistry, which is pretty important to have with this "buddy love" story they're going for.
BUT I am a huge sucker for stories where two best friends fall in love with each other, so I will watch it until it ends or gets cancelled... Even though Scott and Hailey don't rlly have any chemistry most of the time.
#i seriously don't think the writers are going for a ''Scott is the villain sending chaos bots back in time bc he hates Hailey'' twist#But... I won't hate it if it happens tbh...#Anyways this show could be better if it just gave both of them tighter characterizations like svtfoe did with Star and Marco#and... like... oh idk... not characterize Scott as an annoying dumbass...#also... maybe... get rid of Beta... or at the very least have him be a minor supporting character#here's hoping Kristine returns from the war... but i think girlie is done for#AC is fun though#ppl are saying the writers might be going for an AC/Hailey twist... but its more likely that AC being okay with the idea of kissing Hailey#despite seeing her as a rival is implying AC bothers Hailey so much because he likes her - like its not an actual piece of foreshadowing.#it's moreso giving context to why AC is such a wee little bastard towards Hailey#ANYWAYS.
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trying to think of a reversed IA/Hunter AU where they switch roles in the story but it's not...exactly working. food for thought, though
#ooc#for starters eight would be the same#and then cipher hunter would still annoy and follow him around trying to bug him to death#i do think there's some merit to be had in a more villainous eight but his motives would be less caring who he's working for#and more trying to get the codex for reasons unknown#as the kind of free agent who you can never tell is on whose side#i do like the idea that he's not interested in controlling hunter as much as their vanilla roles#but he pushes him into playing his piece by being an enforcer and an enemy#and then there's his relationship with ardun kothe. ardun who mostly knows him as a serious type who needs to let go of the past#instead of keeper being his rock he shares whatever guilt ardun has from being with him from the start#the woes of being SIS cause him to take action on his own#and in some way ardun *knows* but trusts him to do the right thing#and the final choice when all is said and done is eight extending a hand to hunter and being like give the codex to me. i'll keep it safe#from *everything* and that's the sort of trust he asks of the only other who might understand him#very intriguing if you see this as a replacement AU where he takes hunter's role instead as well#would a cipher trust another ex cipher.#anyways. i really need more kothe content
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Canāt wait for my drivers license to arrive so I can be driving legally again for the first time in 1.5 years!
#for legal reasons this is a joke#SO THIS IS WHATS UP#as a youngin#a young adult one might say#I was starting to learn that some systems are bullshit when Iād previously been a pretty big rule-follower#my mom showing me how to navigate the healthcare system a bit/showing me how student loans legit have practices to confuse and fuck us over#also im really bad at getting things in on time (this is an important fact)#so when I see that my drivers license is abt to expire. Iām like āOup gotta get that done!ā then promptly forget abt it#next time I remember itās 3 months expired.#I check the date and realize that wait! in a year imma be turning 21 and just one yr after that Real IDās will become mandatory (im p sure)#so I decide to push off renewing my license! I think that the whole process will b annoying asf bc Iāve only dealt with the DMV in-person#and it SUCKED and took forever. Iām thinking that if I renew my drivers license right on/after my 21st birthday I can knock out two birds#with one stone: I can get it as a Real ID and I can get an updated picture thatās flipped sideways so getting age-checked is faster#little do i know: itās v much illegal to be driving around with an expired license!#I drive around for a year (over a year? I donāt remember when I first realized it was expired) j having fun#then one month b4 my 21st birthday I get into an abroad study thing and have to get my passport. which I realize is also expired. and#realize that to renew my passport I have to have a valid drivers license. At this point I also realize how fucked I could be if I get pulled#over with my expired license. so I check out the process for DL renewal and rejoice! itās online!#AND THANK FUCK I CHECKED THEN. bc if I had waited LITERALLY two more days I would not have been able to renew online and wouldāve had to go#in-person. and there were no in-person appointments until after my 21st. and I learned in this process abt the fines my state applies when u#renew a DL late and ALSO that u have to entirely retake the test/redo all the paperwork shit if itās expired for too long. I wouldāve had to#retake the test n everything if Iād gone past my bday. I was also in another state for college. idk how incoherent these ramblings are but#basically I wouldāve been Ultra Fucked. anyways! got that figured out#renewed the DL and had it sent to my home. then da house floods and crime goes up in the neighborhood and my DL ends up either being lost#Or tossed (with other flood-damaged things) or stolen.#I donāt realize this for 4 months bc I am silly. also in college out-of-state. also other reasons.#finally got around to calling DMV and telling them that my DL never arrivedā¦ 6 months after I renewed it!#and they were v sweet and are resending me my DL for free. so in the next few weeks I shall finally b driving legally again#!!!! the end#mypost
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i dont think the inhumans show was actually the Main Issue in the inhumans getting buried tbh. because theres like,,, a good handful of characters who get either mediocre or shitty live action adaptations and afaik absolutely none of the rest of them were completely removed from the adaptations going forward AND basically completely written out of the comics for nearly a decade.
the show WAS the final nail in the coffin that turned them into The Joke that they r now, but i believe that the actual cause of Death was IVX. i geniunely believe with my whole heart that if they just did not make IVX that doti would not have been made and they would have only been made less active in the comics
#i think it made many people very angry! and the terrigen being deadly is just an annoying retcon!!#they should have gone some other route w the terrigen cloud or just straight up not done it at all#even if it WASNT deadly to anyone i could see. you know. the rest of the world being very nervous about the weird gas the floating city ppl#just released! and/or the fact that its actually dangerous to the inhumans THEMSELVES bc multiple exposures to terrigen is bad#pitting them up against the xmen was just actually the WORST decision they could have made#its the one comic i actively avoid reading and kind of dread actually getting to it bc i dont want to skip it FOREVER. but also eughhhhhh#ivx was the top of the rollercoaster. and the rollercoaster actually just kept going down into the face of a mountain#thats my thoughts anyways#inhumans#oh god i didnt censor out any of the tags. this might breach containment
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die āļø ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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#sorry to every recent follower who's seen my nonsense thus far#anyways this time its going in the tags so. vent warning#mfw i will never fit in with any circle im in and dont match their energy in the right way#i like what they like but not in the right way#dont communicate in the right way. dont interact in the right way#dont enjoy certain things they all seem to like#incapable of doing anything right. incapable of connecting to anybody. one such reason why i need to be taken out back and shot#end my pitiful life now because i will never fucking be able to interact with other people normally#i am convinced there is nothing that can be done about it#i need to be put out of my misery#i cant reach out cant talk to them cant ask to be included. ill annoy them. then i wont have anyone in my circle at all.#sure i might seem fun but im only good in small doses. no one would want to be around me too long.#i get boring. i get annoying. my jokes all fall flat#im only good when im being as likeable and funny and entertaining as i can be#i dont belong in any conversation. if i talk im just an interruption. if i talk about what im up to then im just being annoying#annoying people get blocked right? its only a matter of time till they figure out you're one of those.#im not fun to be around its just that simple. thats why no one wants to talk to me. no one seeks me out. not that i blame them#why would they i havent given anyone a reason to#i might as well not be here. its just like school was. i dont exist to anybody. there is plexiglass between me and the world#ok i need to stop now#its my fault anyways
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okay Iām going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now
#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy#SO. Iām gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal#I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things#tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time#and tomorrow Iām setting my alarm for 7:30#Iām going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now#will also mean hopefully Iām less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare#this week. and itās only Tuesday what the fuck#also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February#and Iām setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once Iām ther#and that worked for exams AND thereās just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine#just have to actually do it#like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon#otherwise there wonāt be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline#so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time#I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work Iāll have enough time#Iām okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together#now pls. get your shit together <3#luke.txt
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#Chinese takeout has no business being this good#And Iāve missed using chopsticks while away! Next year I might bring a pair with me.#anyway Iāve done nothing but sleep and drink water and eat and read for the past two days and I still feel gross. Being sick sucks.#However I have a safe home and a dad who keeps checking in and taking care of me and lots of people praying so I truly cannot complain#resting annoys me but itās necessary and Iām accepting that slowly#it feels like thereās so much going on but my body just hit the pause button and so I suppose itās good in a way#praying for all of you dears!#zaki spiels
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