#Another being an Aspect of Life
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There was a day, a day where there was nothing that needed to be done, nobody to meet, not meetings to schedule, nothing to fight.
A rare, rare day for one Kevin the cat.
As the second in command of his Familia, who the Head delegates most of his responsibilities due to not wanting to do that at all, it is unusual that he no longer has much to do anymore.
With a pretty efficient system in place for each and every division to have an executive and their own second in commands who will soon take their place. It leaves Kevin with not as much to do anymore nowadays, most things being taken care of by other cats.
A meeting between the Familia Heads wouldn't be for the next few moons, and there isn't anyone around for him to fight.
So what does he do, exactly?
Snuggle up to gramps of course!
===
Danny doesn't mind Kevin invading his personal bed and personal space, as he has done it quite often and will most likely continue to do so for the rest of his immortal life most likely.
It seemed to be a pretty slow day, if his observations served anything. Nothing significant was happening, and the overall vibe was calm and slow.
A good day, a rare day, seeing the normal chaos that usually occupied this warehouse. Perhaps asking Selina to buy the surrounding ones proved effective.
Either way, it was a nice day.
Laying down, doing nothing except watching Tv and not really fighting the sleep when it came. He was drowsy, about to close his eyes and fall into a dream.
Then everything disappeared.
He snapped to awareness very quickly, feeling the familiar weight of magic in the air and what was most definitely the pull of summoning. Which is weird, because not many would summon him, most go for the King, which is Pariah Dark, and not the Prince, which is him.
Oh well, whoever summoned him is most likely some teens or adults who had nothing better to do than get together and try to summon paranormal entities and demons or such and such. He would take some of their food for summoning him, and be on his way.
Or at least that was what he thought.
Apparently, he was summoned by a genuine cult this time. He would take teens and adults with nothing better to do, as well as that one time he was summoned by wizards and got turned into a cat over being summoned by genuine cultists any day.
It's just, not for him really.
They did, however, do their research. Very powerful wards that was built to keep whatever was summoned in, that whenever he tapped on actually hurt him.
Drawn with the extract of blood blossoms for ghostly beings from the infinite realms.
A red mist flowed around the room, one that made Danny's lungs felt as if they were on fire and withering all at once.
A mist made from Blood Blossoms.
To top it all off, there were multiple Blood Blossoms scattered throughout the place, most of which were around the circle that summoned him. It felt like someone brought a hammer to his skull and kept pounding, his muscles felt taut and like jelly all at once, barely keeping him standing on his own paws as his eyes stung from the mist around the room and from the Blood Blossoms themselves.
Whoever this was, they knew their stuff, and whoever this was, decided that going overboard was far better than underboard.
He thinks he heard one of them speak, but he couldn't quite make out whatever was said from the ringing of his ears. Eventually, he had to fall, his eyes struggling to be kept open.
He should turn back into a living cat, get out of his ghost form. But he couldn't, the willpower necessary to do so slipping out of his grasp and instead being replaced by pain, pain, and even more pain. Even the very magic in the air was against him, whatever intent those who summoned him imprinted upon it was made to specifically weigh him down, as if gravity itself were his enemy, to go against him at every turn.
Weaken him.
If he could, he would laugh, but he's in far too much pain to do so. In all of his 150 years of existence, he never expected to encounter something like this. Something this strong.
He wondered, if in all of Pariah Dark's infinite power, if he would be able to stand up to something like this. Perhaps he would, infinite power would let him be able to stand up to something like.
Infinite power, while weakened, is still infinite.
But he, Danny, Prince of the Infinite Realms, did not have infinite power. With his title came a recognition of his raw power, of his ability, and given him political power almost unmatched as he was one of the few that reigned over infinity.
But that was mostly it, perhaps a bit of boost to his power, and maybe a distinct signature due to his newfound status. But not much else.
And is this what it granted him? An end, where he was stripped away from comfort, from his home, from his Familia, where each and every breath he took burned and withered. Where his limbs failed him, where his own power was useless due to his willpower being drained by overwhelming agony.
He would not die, no. For he is incapable of death.
Yet that makes it even worse.
Would he spend an eternity like this? Trapped with nothing but overwhelming pain for company, becoming intimate with it as it raked its hands through his fur, under his skin, between each strand of muscle and piercing his brain?
He doesn't know, and that scares him.
===
The Justice League, with help from a few members of Justice League Dark, appeared to prevent the summoning of the Ghost King, known as a tyrant who enslaves worlds and a being of infinite power.
What they found, however, was not the Ghost King. But instead, magicians surrounding a circle in a room of red mist, in the middle of the circle a passed out, glowing white cat floating via magic.
They saw it as preparation to summon the Ghost King, perhaps the cat was a sacrifice? Regardless, they went in, and fought. Eventually gaining the upper hand due to have far more powerful members than just magical practitioners.
The cat, without aid from magic, fell to the floor, and Zatanna was quick to dispel the summoning in case it was in the process of calling forth Pariah Dark from beyond the veil. They took the cat back with them, for surely it had some kind of importance if they were using it for their summoning.
Later on, Constantine would choke as he recognized the significance of the cat, a signature quite similar to that of the King of the infinite, yet different.
They weren't just offering any old cat to the Ghost King, no, they were offering him his Prince, and if the look of how they handled it was any indication, it was planned to use said Prince as a bargaining to get the King into their servitude of some sort.
===
Meanwhile, back at the Familia.
All hell has broken loose, what semblance of order there was broke, the head was gone, missing. Not even the second in command, who was with him the longest, had a clue where or what happened to him.
He was there one second, gone the next.
Not many stays calm about it, the ones who do mostly trying to calm down the kittens after the panic of so many other grown, adult cats.
Kevin, the second in command and de-facto leader whenever the Head isn't involved. Panicking does not help any of the other cats feel assured.
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#Danny got summoned and overwhelmed with blood blossoms#Just so he could be used as a bargaining chip to get the ghost king in the service of cultists#I won't lie#I kinda wanted it to be Kevin who saved him somehow but didn't really have anything#I was playing around with a few idea tbh#With Kevin being an Aspect of Death#Another being an Aspect of Life#One of them was even an Aspect of Apocalypse#Specifically where he was the embodiment of Calamity lmao#But since you're reading this I didn't go through with it lmao#So I suppose Kevin is still just a normal immortal cat#XD
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency â Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how thatâs affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, Iâve talked about how whatâs shown and omitted tells us about a character, and weâve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, itâs not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a characterâs in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, letâs quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isnât strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesnât like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesnât lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one characterâs preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events â which is what makes Wei Wuxianâs influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and thatâs not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: weâve established that times such as Wei Wuxianâs time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege arenât shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But thatâs not the only special thing about them. Theyâre also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either canât remember, or doesnât like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxianâs treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesnât focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, itâs respecting not only a character detail â which would be cool by itself â but also an active decision. One that shapes the story itâs made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxianâs agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldnât like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, theyâre only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadnât woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didnât let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, â⌠Donât⌠Donât be angryâŚâ Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, âI am not angry.â Wei WuXian, â⌠Oh.â Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, âIâll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!â Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling onâŚ
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, âGo back to Gusu with me.â Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, âGo back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?â He immediately seemed to realize, âOh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. Youâre his proudest disciple, so of course youâre the same as him, haha. I refuse.â Chapter 62, EXR translation
âŚthe painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, âThis leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (âŚ)â (âŚ) âWei WuXian, I wonât ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely wonât remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!â (âŚ) âIn the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!â âMy shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!â Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxianâs own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sectâs remnants and him. (âŚ) Wei WuXian, âNow itâs time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. Itâs like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said theyâd kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?â Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translationÂ
Once again, Wei Wuxianâs own thoughts relate to the flashbacks weâve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, theyâre also events which Wei Wuxianâs own choices and actions shaped â which he has this to say about:
âThe things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You wonât forget them, and theyâll stay even longer in my mind!â Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by othersâ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer⌠which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat weâll soon discuss). But itâs still important to note â especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldnât seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when theyâre relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasnât good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place â returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more â it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)⌠but thereâs another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxianâs present thoughts donât lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events arenât something Wei Wuxian wouldnât focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, theyâre free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if heâs not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxianâs decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, itâs in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still arenât shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but Iâd like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said Iâd talk about the Golden Core transfer â though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything weâre shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxianâs agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a characterâs dialogue!
And to clarify â I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didnât want to write about Wei Wuxianâs time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxianâs death). That doesnât prevent it from also being intentional â MXTXâs intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and thereâs nothing disproving it â but thereâs no proof for either option, so I wonât pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like Iâm overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether itâs intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it â so, regardless, itâs something Iâll explore. Because taking this into account⌠We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we arenât just shown it in the text, we arenât even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story theyâre in, but Wei Wuxianâs agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! Thatâs how weâre shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, weâve covered how important Wei Wuxianâs agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isnât important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. Weâve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him â out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxianâs life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or othersâ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, weâve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way â it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
Itâs quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative â that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil â and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own â that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) â to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
--
*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think itâs such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!Â
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#itâs for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didnât want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because⌠poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course heâd sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something itâs a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much â and heâs also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasnât aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS itâs unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but thatâs the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy â all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy thatâs happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead heâs the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesnât mean heâs not impacted by tragedy or trauma â he is! but itâs not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesnât le#itâs also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone whoâs more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case itâ#i watched that part recently (iâm getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#ééçĽĺ¸#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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Thinking about Elizabeth Woodville as a gothic heroine is making me go insane. She entered the story by overturning existing social structures, provoking both ire and fascination. She married into a dynasty doomed to eat itself alive. She was repeatedly associated with the supernatural, both in terms of love and death. Her life was shaped entirely by uncanny repetitions - two marriages, two widowhoods, two depositions, two flights to sanctuary, two ultimate reclamations, all paralleling and ricocheting off each other. Her plight after 1483 exposed the true rot at the heart of the monarchy - the trappings of royalty pulled away to reveal nothing, a never-ending cycle of betrayal and war, the price of power being the (literal) blood of children. She lived past the end of her family name, she lived past the end of her myth. She ended her life in a deeply anomalous position, half-in and half-out of royal society. She was both a haunting tragedy and the ultimate survivor who was finally free.
#elizabeth woodville#nobody was doing it like her#I wanted to add more things (eg: propaganda casting her as a transgressive figure and a threat to established orders; the way we'll never#truly Know her as she's been constantly rewritten across history) but ofc neither are unique to her or any other historical woman#my post#wars of the roses#don't reblog these tags but - the thing about Elizabeth is that she kept winning and losing at the same time#She rose higher and fell harder (in 1483-85) than anyone else in the late 15th century#From 1461 she was never ever at lasting peace - her widowhood and the crisis of 1469-71 and the actual terrible nightmare of 1483-85 and#Simnel's rebellion against her family and the fact that her birth family kept dying with her#and then she herself died right around the time yet another Pretender was stirring and threatening her children. That's...A Lot.#Imho Elizabeth was THE adaptor of the Wars of the Roses - she repeatedly found herself in highly anomalous and#unprecedented situations and just had to survive and adjust every single time#But that's just...never talked about when it comes to her#There are so many aspects of her life that are potentially fascinating yet completely unexplored in scholarship or media:#Her official appointment in royal councils; her position as the first Englishwoman post the Norman Conquest to be crowned queen#and what that actually MEANT for her; an actual examination of the propaganda against her; how she both foreshadowed and set a precedent#for Henry VIII's english queens; etc#There hasn't even been a proper reassessment of her role in 1483-85 TILL DATE despite it being one of the most wildly contested#periods in medieval England#lol I guess that's what drew me to Elizabeth in the first place - there's a fundamental lack of interest or acknowledgement in what was#actually happening with her and how it may have affected her. There's SO MUCH we can talk about but historians have repeatedly#stuck to the basics - and even then not well#I guess I have more things to write about on this blog then ((assuming I ever ever find the energy)#also to be clear while the Yorkists did 'eat themselves alive' they also Won - the crisis of 1483-85 was an internal conflict within#the dynasty that was not related to the events that ended in 1471 (which resulted in Edward IV's victory)#Henry Tudor was a figurehead for Edwardian Yorkists who specifically raised him as a claimant and were the ones who supported him#specifically as the husband of Elizabeth of York (swearing him as king only after he publicly swore to marry her)#Richard's defeat at Bosworth had *nothing* to do with 'York VS Lancaster' - it was the victory of one Yorkist faction against another#But yes the traditional line of succession was broken by Richard's betrayal and the male dynastic line was ultimately extinguished.
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-đ
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical âboyâ clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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are the songs on your playlist mostly for specific seasons/eras/moments or are they mostly more general songs for the overall character? what are your favorites and why?
in the spirit of recent events these are the songs I put on after every stream to really feel everything that happens
#old me is 10x harder thanks to what just happened#used to listen this thinking about me killing pangi but oh my god#you can connect all of these to whatever princezam moments you want to me they apply to like every aspect of the character#I'd say these are like the strongest songs in the playlist everything else is sort of just here to keep the mood similar#there's also a few more songs that only really hit when I was in like season 4 lore mode or just certain eras of lifesteal#examples being like sorry not sorry by tyler the creator for end of season 4#lowkey another life by pink pantheress is another banger but doesn't fit too well with the stuff i linked above lol#also two of those songs were given to me by bacon i know he wants credit
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I'M HERE AGAIN HELLOO HIIIIII :D
question about vandermorgan cuz I'm curious....
do you have any headcanons and how do you see their relationship?
They say a picture is worth a thousand words
#DVL and AMs relationship being a toxic feedback loop built on DVLs dependence on AM and AM seeing DVLs validation as something he needs#it's completely ripe for abuse. AM feels devalued by DVL but consistently puts him and his wants above all else and DVL takes and takes#because he needs his followers and sycophants and dreamers and sons and daughters and lovers and soldiers to make him more than what he is.#He thrived on AMs blind loyalty because it allowed him to indulge his own vain ideal of a rebellious leader championing his idea of freedom#and america and a mans own right to live his life however he pleased when he had someone else willing to die behind it.#I know it's touchy for some but the father/son aspect of their relationship regardless of it serving as another form of control reward and#punishment can't be ignored or minimised. DVL was a patriarchal figure not just to AM but the gang which impacted how they both tried to#define their relationship. It's boring to brush it away to sanitise their dynamic when taken to a romantic/sexual context. GET FREUDIAN NOW#They're like kitten daddy is going to kill himself if he doesnt get his tahiti money đĽşđĽşđĽş If you loved me you'd get me a mango farmđĽşđĽş#Well that's the gist of it... and regarding your other ask: Nah I'm a native English speaker. I don't post art terribly often but thanks! I#want to redraw that old drawing at some point. Idk about good vibes but I'm pretty horizontal if were talking abusive cowboys.#asks#vandermorgan
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2023 reads
The Deep Sky
scifi mystery thriller
on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere
when theyâre halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course
the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources
flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother
questions the ethics of ârestartingâ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth
#the deep sky#yume kitasei#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i really loved this!!!!!#very intense but also a lot of interesting character introspection#love the virtual reality AI aspect!!!! though I do feel like. in the end I was expecting it to go way further with it?#(basically like instead of seeing the inside of the ship all the time they can 'be' in forests or aquariums or whatever)#no romance#(thereâs side lesbians; and one flashback scene where she briefly wonders about kissing a random person; that's it)#emotional core about her mother and brother and best friend !!#i like that it gets into the flaws of 'humanity's last hope on another planet' bc like. yeah in real life things....don't work like that...#why is there zero acknowledgement that the concept of every one of them being expected to give birth being extremely fucked up?#like obviously everyone on board is there because they agreed with that but thereâs not a single flashback of#when they found out that information; or mention of someone questioning it...#(for example a character mentions that they hid their mental health/use of a therapy animal bc they wouldn't have been let in and the -#eugenics around that is iffy to say the least)#but to me. pregnancy is horrifying and nobody questioning that was weird.#also thereâs supposedly 80 people on board but we get to know less than 10 of them which felt a bit strange at points#Also! I love the cover. I canât find the designer (the book info only credits the internal lllustrator..)#also: bird facts!
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MK1 Story Mode:
Shang Tsung: Here on behalf of a dissatisfied customer? If it's revenge you want, have at it. If it's restitution... there's nothing left.
Shang Tsung: A living? It is barely survival.
Liu Kang: I gave the sorcerers meaningless lives... They should have never gained power, let alone joined forces.
Shang Tsung vs Liu Kang intro dialogue:
Shang Tsung: Your plan to punish me has failed. Liu Kang: I wished to reform you, not punish you.
#mortal kombat#shang tsung#liu kang#i'm still thinking about it#how actually driving person into miserable state when young shang tsung would not even try to protect himself when stranger approaches him#thinking it is another person to beat him down and being so so done with it#is a way to reform anyone#and why shao khan get a place of power (thanks to dad who resufes accept a sickly children of his)#to command an army and all in the service of outworld#while shang tsung did not get any second chance to bond with community and having a good life or be serving earthrealm#i'm truly interested in this aspect of game#and sure liu kang is still a human first and the god secondly so there is a place for personal bias#but what was supposed to reform shang tsung?#i don't really blame liu kang but don't blame shang tsung for jumping on the first ocassion to get out of his miserable life either
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Persephone captain marvel au. Hear me out.
Associated with duality, reincarnation, resurrection, childhood innocence (and it getting ripped away by adults), and her 'counterpart' Kore, which is her in her returning aspect of spring, youthfulness, new life... Come on. Is that not the closest thing to Billy you've ever seen in ancient Greece? Where he gets his powers?
It all starts with Teth Adam, and his devastation at the death of his son. He finds the old paths, breaks them open, and storms down into the underworld to demand him back. His is not a new story.
But where Persephone might ordinarily be inclined to ease her husband's scorn, give the troubled mourner a chance, she is speaking to the champion of magic, the world's mightiest mortal. The chance of success is too high. The challenge would not be enough. The death was too high profile and would risk too many attempting to follow in his footsteps. The man is too unstable, too powerful, too close to the heart of magic for it to be safe - for any of him - to grant his wish and risk his false hope.
They deny him.
Enraged, implacable, Teth Adam lashes out. The battle is long and drawn out, neither side tiring even as both weaken, but Persephone, in either form, is not one of war, and she is felled as her curses shatter, her furies tossed aside like dolls. The sound of Hades' scream as Adam's surprise leaves him open flattens the rubble of their throne room.
The wounded champion escapes, hounded by cerberus and skeletons instead of his son's shade, as her husband crashes to his knees beside her. She has not a mortal soul, and thus will be going where even Death cannot reach.
But Adam killed the goddess of reincarnation, and Billy has odd dreams. He's pretty sure he needs to ease up on the stress. He's restless in winter and distracted in summer, he can sleep outside in howling storms as long as he's tucked snug in the boughs of a tree, he's had the luck of never tasting a rotten fruit. Sometimes it feels like there's ghosts in his hideouts and the kids at school try and bribe him to curse their enemies.
When he chosen to be Captain Marvel the wizard chokes on his own speech when the smoke clears. They stare at each other.
"Well," says Persephone, "that was unexpected. Hullo."
"Hello," the wizard replies, "I was under the impression..."
"I don't think the laws of interference quite apply until I'm immortal again," he says.
The wizard's relief is palpable. It's understandable, he looks ready to keel over from old age. "Can I ask...?" he gestures at the new body. It takes a second to understand.
"Oh, I'm a boy now. For a while."
And that's that.
Until green lantern is killed in battle.
#Billy as Kore - spring youth maiden flowers#And the captain as persephone - death curses ghosts reincarnation. â¨royaltyâ¨#I especially like that it works with whatever interpretation of cap/Billy you have!#Aspects of the same person. Billy having a limited recollection of his past life and minimal powers compared to cap's fully grown self#Also the idea of big burly sunshine strength cap being in truth the Soul of a young innocent maiden kidnapped from her family would#Infuriate in universe alpha males. Brings me life.#Billy/Kore: innocent cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure#Cap/persephone: gaslight gatekeep girlboss#Cap would keep his death powers under wraps and NEVER curse. Unless it's Adam or darksied or something. Then a simple 'gtfo' works#Not that he ever keeps it simple. Everyone on comms has their ears SCALDED. They're all in shock. Cap stops just short of another 10 plague#Cap (looking at gls body): aw my husband's gonna be so mad at me *rolls up sleeves*#Gender queer Billy vibes ftw#I'd say bigender or gender fluid. Bigender needs more rep.#Wonder woman is shooketh but glad. Her uncle has Not been a happy bunny.#Idk just isn't it cool???#shazam#billy batson#captain marvel#dc captain marvel#dc comics#justice league#wizard shazam#rock of eternity#greek myth au#Kinda#persephone#Kore#black adam#<< man boutta get a whooping from his precious victim who got the ultimate power up
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Sometimes I think of Amy Pond, who grew up being called mad by those who wielded the word as a tool of exclusion and shame â
Amy Pond, who though forced into the hands of four psychiatrists, still clung to that which they called madness until those systems which elevate psychosocial conformity above humanity stripped it from her â
Amy Pond, whose imaginary friend reappeared for a single hour after twelve years and reignited that faith before disappearing for two more years â
Amy Pond, who spent those those two years under the same implicit threat ingrained in her through psychiatric violence, and thus began to believe the man who stopped the invasion was âjust a madman with a box,â only for him to agree, and to also call her âmad, impossible Amy Pond,â reframing madness as non-negative for the first time in her life â
Amy Pond, who ignored the disembodied voice of her imaginary friend even as she ran away with him for real, who still lived each day with the traumatic internalization of deviancy dictated upon her by the psychiatric-industrial complex that shaped her from childhood â
Amy Pond, who wouldn't acknowledge the Doctor's voice, such that it took an Angel in her eye that was literally killing her to ensure she couldn't reality check herself â
Amy Pond, who stood before a room which muttered about âthe psychiatrists we brought her to,â and though afraid, escaped their rigid parameters of acceptable existence.
#I like seeing it as indicating she began hearing his voice when he was gone for all those years! why else wouldn't she say anything?#actually psychotic Amy agenda#Amy Pond#eleventh doctor#reclaimed language#oh look its another antipsychiatry themed doctor who post#sumn abt in Fairies At The Bottom Of The Garden audio AND Imaginary Enemies comic we see Amelia bein called slurs against psychotic people#(shes called psycho in both)#like!!! and SO MUCH OF AMYS STORY is about her claiming her agency in ways that previous companions weren't allowed to-#companions whose status as a Wife was a signifier of an to end of their value individually- 'this is no place for a married woman' etc#in some cases Wife-ness forced upon them *as* a denial of agency 'I spent all that time trying to find you I'm not going back now!' etc#whereas Amys story deconstructs that; Amys âChoiceâ is an illusion- Amy being a Wife doesn't demote her agency as an companion#anyways I love that aspect of reclaimed agency for Amy but ALSO#âmadnessâ as an expression of agency against systems of oppression is SO relevant. the mind defends itself and the alternative isnt better#the oppressive system in this case being ableist structures and the psychiatric system ITSELF which is a whole other layer#the moral being that even if the Doctor WAS a delusion? he'd still be a needed coping mechanism for a child who says âppl always leaveâ#and instead of examining her feelings of abandonment they insist 'aLiENs DoNt ExIsT' as seen in the 'sTaRs DoNt ExIsT' psychiatrist in TBB#they don't care that she's in PAIN- why would they?- they just care that she's 'abnormal' and therefore not deserving of humanity#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#I mean technically this is about Amy but I once (twice) used that tag on the post about the Master. its the spirit of it!#and Amy Pond + her Raggedy Doctor as âmadâ people is very *chefs kiss*#((you know what im putting the tag on my last Amy post :D ))#Mels experienced this very differently and I'll make a post about her at some point- I just wanna make sure my points are got across better#sumn abt Amelia's âcrazyâ was Mels' âdelinquency.â Amy treated as if she doesn't know her own life while Mels treated as threatening#sumn abt adultification of Black girls while Amy is infantilized#Amy Pond who could rewrite reality in a reborn universe because she grew up with a Crack in her wall that no one believed was special â#ableism#saneism#unreality#because I mean Amy's stand against psychiatric dehumanization was to REWRITE THE UNIVERSE with her Crack powers
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life really is so dull and colorless without having someone to pour affection into and then also receive it from them..
#i need compliments and gushing and being soft and sweet and loving and like#idk... idc abt how ppl are like omg just love yourself uwuwu#no thats not enough for me. i need all of that with another person as well..#but whatever. every aspect of my life is miserable so it doesnt really matter the absence of it just aches
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thinking about archivists again. below the cut: obscene amounts of brainrot in the form of a long-winded relationship study and oddly specific references to canon that may or may not be accurate
im trying to come up with some sort of au for them (writer's block and creative burnout is a BITCH it's okay though we stay silly) and there's just something about how qphil and qcellbit don't (or didn't) really wind up in each other's circles often. sure they were friendly with each other in passing, and they definitely had some nice little interactions earlier on: cellbit briefly interviewing phil on one of his first days on the island over a cup of coffee and solidifying phil's view of cellbit as the Dedicated Investigator; phil asking cellbit to babysit chayanne and tallulah while he's away on a trip and cellbit being more than happy to; phil briefly checking in with cellbit --- who was in the process of tumbling into his regret arc, cutting off ties with loved ones and making himself a martyr --- and asking if he was okay when phil spotted him hanging alone in the back of the group; chatting about the upcoming wedding and phil advising cellbit that he and roier should probably introduce some sort of dress code (lmao); cellbit watching phil and missa meet up for the first time in months on the way to the federation's people-freezers and all of the pieces rapidly falling into place (the name of phil's waystone, phil's skull backpack, phil's elusive "husband," ohhhhhhh...). they've always been in each other's peripheral, but never directly involved in each other's personal lives.
until the happy pills.
see the thing about archivists is that they're not drawn together by a pre-existing friendship; they're more friendly acquaintances at this point, perhaps almost-friends, though they're certainly not close. but then forever's life is under threat, and god, they both love forever immensely. with direct help from bad and indirect help from others (qpac you LEGEND), they're eventually able to formulate a plan that successfully drag forever out from under the haze of drugs, pull him to the surface. they sit next to each other as they sit at the bedside of their mutual friend, watch him breathing, and try to breathe themselves.
and from that moment on it's solidified: they know they can depend on each other, when shit hits the fan. they have their respective strengths, and they balance out each other nicely. i wish i had gotten more of a chance to watch their dynamic during purgatory 1 (unfortunately i have a life sadge) but from what i saw, they turned out to be some pretty good co-leaders, and an interesting dynamic at that: phil acting more as a support role (moral support, resource support, combat support, ALL the support) and stepping up into a leader-like role when needed, but ultimately letting cellbit take the helm a lot of the time since he's a strategist with more practice managing large groups of people (i wont get into it here, and i want to watch more vods so i can more properly analyze them but HOUGHH i have THOUGHTS!! SO MANY!!!)
what im trying to get at is that they were initially in the peripheral in each others lives but were eventually drawn together out of necessity, due to circumstances. the mutual respect followed, which was then followed by trust, and then collaboration, and then friendship. i've also made this post talking about their dynamic, how they both understand each other's need to focus on the here and now and understand that they don't need to know every little thing about each other to still trust each other. and this is so integral to their relationship. it's what makes archivists archivists.
so now all that's left for me to do is try to come up with some sort of au i can chuck them in, incorporating this idea of "friendship of necessity" as a core feature of the plot. i have scattered ideas but none are particularly appealing or solid enough. i will try though!! if u have any suggestions/thoughts/ideas feel free to leave a comment or say in tags (pspsppsps come brainrot with meeee)
#qsmp philza#qsmp cellbit#archivists#dont mind me im just rambling#im specifically trying to come up with an au because i feel like a lot of my creative burnout recently has to do with the fact that ive-#-been stressing about my fics being canon-compliant and up-to-date with and accurate to the Lore as well as my characters being in-characte#-with a deep understanding of each character's lore when that is!! really hard to do!! considering how many characters there are and how-#-many hours of vods there are and the fact i still need to do Life things sometimes.#so writing an au allows me to be more flexible with the characterization (while still incorporating the integral aspects of the characters)#-AND i dont have to worry about being 100% up to date with the lore if the fic literally takes place another world!!#currently the main problem is COMING UP with the au lol#anyway that's enough out of me i love these guys im going CRAZY#also i should mention this post is NOT proofread lol
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Random Togami Headcanon 13
TL;DR - Byakuya's bettered himself but he still has a long road of healing. Also, heads up. This one's not happy like most of the others. Gets a bit hopeful at the end but there's still a lot of sad topics here. Viewer discretion is advised. Now that he feels more empathy for others and possesses some capability for putting himself in another's shoes, thoughts he used to have about the lower class make him feel... off. Perhaps guilt or discomfort with himself. It doesn't help though looking at his classmates every school day and being reminded of the mindset he was raised with. It especially doesn't help when he looks at Makoto who helped him. Makoto being the commoner of all commoner's also hurts. He appreciates what Makoto's done to help him but it unintentionally stabs him hard within his chest that he needed someone's help to get to this point and the someone being a commoner he once wrote off. Next, with this empathy, the heir feels better with his life and happiness but fundamentally worse. It's as if he deteriorated though, logically, he knows it's not the case. He knows that the illogical side of his brain covers itself in the hides of reason and rationale. Essentially, Byakuya ends up having a grueling struggle with dealing with these emotions that, for the majority of his life, he buried and repressed. Emotions that both make him feel more fulfilled in life but that tear him apart inside. Bouts where he feels either extremely content with how he's turned out or that dread and despair that he's slipping back into his old ways. In fact, at times, it becomes overwhelming for him to handle which he especially hates. Being overwhelmed is yet another thing he once viewed as a weakness and, to some extent, he still does. Sometimes, to cope, jokes to himself on whether existing itself is something he feels is a weakness. However, though he has a lot of emotions and thoughts that upset him now as a bettered person, one big thing that pains him is that he has the capability and the intelligence to notice all of this. It's the acknowledgment that stings. The heir notices that he has a problem, that he probably needs help, maybe even therapy, but then he spirals more because of that realization. Why should HE need HELP for these problems of his?! He's an independent person! He should logically be able to handle this himself. He's always handled his problems on his own! Why should he now need someone or just a support system of people to aid in his path of healing? He feels gross for that support system being the classmates who he once adamantly despised with such vitriol. With the added empathy, he also feels shame as he doesn't want to hurt any more people in his life now. He has the hindsight to know this now. He questions himself. Is the situation he's in even that big of a deal and should he keep searching for answers on the "why" and "how"? Is it worth it? Comparisons to the peasants he used to once adamantly demonize also do not escape him. He feels worse because, while he's breaking at the seams, countless of other commoners have similar thoughts too. He's not unique and a bit of that stings his lingering superiority. Then, there is the fact that Byakuya feels even worse about this BECAUSE commoners can handle stuff like this and yet, he keeps saying that he can't due to his mental spirals. Either that or the older thoughts of hating commoners bites back by making him feel like he's "acting like one". He knows by this point that he's actively tearing himself down and that he needs to escape this cycle of mental abuse. He feels shame in himself though. He feels humiliated. Pathetic. Overly emotional in ways he's never felt before. He still has that hope though. The hope that he can get through his. The heir's already delt with so much whether canon, non-despair, or an au of some kind. He's continued on despite it all. And, though long ago, he would have pushed some of this hope off for it being too optimistic, he's grown to care less about that sort of thought anymore. Byakuya can do this.
#danganronpa#danganronpa headcanons#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#togami headcanon series#text sector#basically he's in a state where he knows he can get better but it takes a toll on him at times cus he's hard on himself#knowing that it's okay to rely on others and reaching out is hard just in general and it's def the case for him cus he usually relies on hi#he has to basically get out of a mindset he's had all his life which is a difficult thing to do because it can take so many years#which is why it pains him cus he kinda wishes the could just get it fixed right away but he knows it's impossible#hope this wasn't too vent-y and it's okay if one cannot get through all of this as it's quite a lot to handle#i find this aspect of his character interesting though#one can question how he'd handle this change of his over time and if it takes a toll in some regards due to this being different for him#he's been wired with a certain way of thinking both in terms of viewing the lower class badly and trying to be as smart as he can#also does not help that he's still young but has acted like he's an adult his whole life or at least the expectation of what adults are#loosening up from that stress and pressure he has on himself both due to the environment he was born in and his own standards is hard#he hates it being âhardâ though#he's the togami heir so having things be âdifficultâ for him âisn't supposed to happenâ#also stings cus he thinks so highly of himself and what he's meant to achieve or what he's expected to achieve#just another one of my interpretations of his character though#i could/would have added more but there's a word limit i think??? might have missed stuff i wanted to talk about too#there's a lot to say and dive into and it's especially the case for me cus i care a lot about his character and analyzing him the best i ca#if i found a way to write more without it saying that it can't save my draft i would not have so many of these tags T-T#dunno if it's cus i use my computer to type these or if it's just the site or if i'd have to pay for something???#not sure ;-;
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction referencesâ#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me đđđ#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#ânot only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))â we even got a bad amv ending at thatâ#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep đđđđđđđđđ Seriously this is just another bug instance of#âme and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is likeâ#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being openâ#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuyaâ#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think âyou're completely missing on the unbalance of power thatâ#creates these dynamics of lack of trustâ but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shiraseâ I don't see why he would ever fearâ#his betrayal. Likewiseâ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towardsâ#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the storyâ#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here đ
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again đ#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so đ¤ˇââď¸#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job đ#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning đđđđđđđ#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned âď¸)
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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.
Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.
#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them#but in beholding the entire story and the whole contextâ especially with the flashbacks in mindâ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji isâ#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was#Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was#And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way#That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him#We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left#And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through#and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered#And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt#at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act#But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived#So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something#Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)â or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking#about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport#And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojoâ they in a way contradict each other#The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them#They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him#They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him#The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care#and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past#Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Makiâ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojoâ his acts and antics#And this whole thingâ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings#about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy#OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment#as if it held no weightâ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over itâ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid#And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one#asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy#yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss
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