#Anon i do have thoughts i just think this is funnier

[cooking-with-hailstones]

I assume you’ve heard about the Zelda movie?

[aroaceleovaldez]

I'll complain about this until the end of time, but I cannot stand the characterization of nico listening to emo music. please give this kid some metal to listen to, if you wanna keep the silly level of darkness that people try giving him with emo music let him listen to some pretentious black metal or something, but there's no way in hell nico would listen to fucking fall out boy

I respect you anon but I am so sorry, I am the exact opposite.

I love the idea of Nico listening to normie emo music cause it's just easiest to find and he's technologically challenged and also he almost definitely got into it because Thalia handed him her ipod one time when he was 10 to get him to shut up for 5 minutes and he ended up binging MCR's entire discography. Also, he's too nice to be pretentious about anything and he's a huge nerd. All that + Rick saying Nico likes technopop, Nico definitely has like a solid couple hundred plays of Rolling Girl on his probably stolen ipod and if you hit shuffle it's a weird combo of emo hits of the early 2010s, Porter Robinson and Mika, and anime OP jumpscares. If circumstances were slightly different he'd be a scene kid.

[samuelsdean]

The Dangers of Tennis Skirts

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: “you know, reid,” you said, “guys ask girls out on a date before they bury their faces into their thighs.”

genre: fluff

word count: 817

author's notes: this is my first ever blurb! i wrote this to practice writing blurbs & writing this was so fun. also, i hope anon doesn’t mind that i wrote this with a fem!reader in mind & reader noticing spencer getting flustered. i just think it would be a lot funnier that way. thank you for this cute request, anon! i got to practice writing blurbs and it's about shy!spencer? a win for me! i hope you'll love this ♡

“REID, YOU OKAY?” Morgan asked the younger male.

Despite his blatant intelligence and many talents, Spencer Reid is just a man. And just like any hot-blooded guy out there who is interested in exploring the curves and dips of a woman’s body, Spencer can’t help but have his IQ slashed down to sixty, or whatever it was Emily said before. And unfortunately for him, hiding the effect of seeing you in a short, white tennis skirt for the first time is not one of Spencer’s talents.

“Yep,” Spencer said, popping the p as he tried to stop his ogling—cue the word, stop—but failed magnanimously, eyes wide, pulse racing, and mouth gaping. 

Morgan frowned at the doctor's weird behavior. Usually, when asked how he is, Spencer would go on tangents that would be relevant to the conversation at hand. A single Yep! would not suffice for the boy genius.

Something is going on with him, Morgan thought. 

Worried but still weirded out by Spencer, Morgan followed his line of sight and guffawed at what he found. You just entered the bullpen in a fluffy beige sweater, a white tennis skirt, and with your hair tied with a white ribbon. 

"Oh, pretty boy," Morgan exclaimed between chuckles. "You are hopeless!" 

"Who's hopeless?" Garcia, who just sat on one of the chairs available, interjected. 

Morgan continued chuckling and motioned to Spencer, whose eyes were about to fall out of their sockets, and then pointed at you just entering the area. Garcia gasped in happiness. She always thought you and boy genius would make the perfect couple. 

And like Spencer, Garcia has many talents. One of which is playing Cupid.

Making the most out of Spencer’s inattentiveness—busy staring at you—Garcia made quick work of calling you over to talk about your cute outfit.

“Hey, Y/N!” Garcia blurted out. “I love LOVE your outfit. We all do.”

She made sure to gesture at Morgan and definitely at Spencer. “Right, boy genius?”

This interrupted Spencer in reverie and unfortunately for him, he’s not the most subtle when he’s back from being lost in thought.

“Are you okay, Reid?” You asked, none the wiser at the obvious display of Spencer getting distracted by your outfit, specifically, your skirt.

Spencer’s eyes widened at your concern. Frightened you’d find out the reason he was dazed was because of you, he instantly stood up from his seat, failing to notice that an electric cord was stuck beneath the chair. And with his quick scrambling, coupled with the fact that his reflexes are akin to that of a toddler just learning to walk, Spencer ended up falling face-first into the floor.

At his clumsiness, Morgan snickered loudly, earning him a slap from Garcia with a matching, “You are not helping at all!” And a glare from you to which he raised his arms in defeat. You held your palm out for Spencer to reach, who was busy trying to dust off his pants, not noticing it was you helping him up until he looked up. 

Aside from talents, Spencer was blessed with the gift of hard luck. And unfortunately for him, it seemed his hard luck always tripled in front of a pretty girl—you. Because instead of looking into your eyes when he looked up, his eyes landed on the plush softness of your thighs, which you haven’t failed to notice.

Spencer never wanted to dig a hole and jump in it so badly before today.

You were already giggling, cheeks reddening at the thought of your effect on the genius. Imagine reducing a cute guy with an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory to a clumsy mess on the floor. Quite flattering, especially if he happened to be the guy you have been crushing on for quite some time now. Not that he knew that, of course. But a girl has gotta take her chances, right? And what better way to tease the hell out of your crush than when he was face-first into your thighs?

“You know, Reid,” You said coolly, “Guys ask girls out on a date before they bury their faces into their thighs.”

Spencer’s eyes bulged out even more while Morgan was belly laughing at this point, Garcia right behind him, giggling in delight. 

“I-I uh,” Spencer began to ramble, trying to come up with a tangent that could get him out of this mess, failing to remember that just like him, you were gifted with many talents as well. And that is making the most out of an unfortunate—not unfortunate, your crush is face first on your thighs!—situation.

“Sorry, Spence,” You chortled, ruffling his hair. “You’re not getting out of this one. We are going out after this case.”

This got Morgan falling out of his chair in laughter, Garcia giggling along, and Spencer’s pinkened cheeks resembling an actual tomato with their redness.

[caramelarchive]

🍪anon here! i had a little thought and it goes, L being jealous of misa having her hair brushed by reader and he acts as if it doesn't bother him but he hints at wanting his hair brushed (it was funnier in my head, my cats do this and I thought of L and Misa)

Little Kitten ╾ L, Misa

sigh. 🍪 anon you are my favourite. I have moved to my main @lawlietscaramels please follow there for new content!

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

"Y/N-chan!"

The high pitched voice is clearly Misa's. It's a nice voice, good for singing, but if you listened to it too long you'd go mad.

Misa stops in front of you, holding out a hairbrush with a smile. She tilts her head to the side. "Will you brush my hair for me?"

You hesitate for a moment then smile, picking the hairbrush out of her hands. "Sure." Misa squeals in delight and starts taking her hair out of its little ponytails, sitting down in a chair and turning her back to you. She swings her feet a little as you begin brushing through her hair.

It's quite pretty, blonde and shining gold in the light. Once you've gotten the few knots out, your free hand comes to stroke through her hair. Misa sighs.

"Thanks, pretty!" she declares, turning her head enough that one of her eyes can meet yours. "So, you know, Y/N, I was with Light yesterday and..." Misa blabbers on, her arms waving all around. You're sure she's annoying the Task Force, but nobody comments on it. So you just listen to the girl's triumphs and woes, continuing to gently brush through her hair.

About twenty minutes pass before you notice L sulking at his desk.

"Hold on, Misa," you instruct, pausing her part way through a tale about a grumpy waitress. She leans her head back, eyes catching the flourescent lights, and pouts a little. You give her a pat on the head and look back over at the head detective. "L, are we distracting you?"

"No," he says stiffly, glancing at you for only a moment before his dark gaze moves to the hairbrush, Misa, and back to his computer.

"..Alright, then."

The detective stuffs a chocolate in his mouth and seems to pout.

Misa laughs. "I think Ryuzaki wants his hair brushed, Y/N." There's a mumbled "do not" from L's direction. You shake your head and resume running your fingers and brush through Misa's hair.

"He'll have to come ask me."

Another 20 or so minutes pass. It's more peaceful this time, Misa only making the occasional comment as the sound of tapping at keyboards and rustling through files fills the room. Her hair is very soft, and your task quickly becomes more meditative than anything. You're getting really into it when there's a small nudge at your leg.

L's standing beside you, his shoulders hunched and head tilted down so he can stare right into your eyes, his hand outstretched to poke at your pants. As you watch, he slowly lowers himself into that 40% froggy sit of his, and looks up with big, bush baby eyes that ask "why don't you like me?" as he lets his head fall onto your leg.

Misa laughs again, and prudently prances off, going to annoy Light. L stays crouched at your feet.

He's too cute...

You sigh but don't protest. Couldn't if you wanted. "Alright then, Ryuzaki, on the chair."

His mouth doesn't bother quirking up into a smile, but his eyes seem to brighten as he straightens up and crouches back down, this time in the chair in front of you. L keeps turning his head to look at you, jumping when he sees you looking back, and turning his head away again. You put a hand on his shoulder and he's caught between freezing and falling out of the chair.

"Be still," you scold gently, and begin brushing his hair. It's much knottier than Misa's, and you're a little scared to guess when he last ran his own comb through it, but it seems clean enough.

Once you've tugged the knots out, it's quite nice, actually.

You start humming a little, your hand reaching up to stroke through the dark, raven-feather hair sticking up all over his head. L lets out a mix of a sigh and an "oh!" and his entire body shudders. You laugh.

He leans back slowly, bending his head so he can look up at you. You give him a little tap on the chin, then the forehead and smile. L's eyes close as your fingers massage into his scalp, the hairbrush neatening and smoothing out his hair.

His lips tilt into a smile too, eyes opening just a slit to stare sleepily into yours.

"Thank you, Y/N."

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜

[7ndipity]

False Pretenses

fwb!Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Just how fair does the ‘benefits’ aspect between Friends with Benefits actually extend? Based on this meme.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: crack to fluff, suggestive moments and ending, swearing, Jk has side by side washer/dryer units cause it’s funnier, reader’s referred to as ‘Ma’am’, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Sorry it took me soo long to get to, I hope you’ll still like it tho! (I’ll also be posting a couple more pieces with this pairing in the next couple weeks, so keep your eyes peeled if you liked this)

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

It was the type of text you had gotten more than used to receiving from him over the past few months, smirking down at your phone as you waited for the elevator in his building.

“Need you so bad rn. Come over?❤”

The heart was a new addition, he must be feeling particularly needy today, you thought to yourself as the elevator doors finally opened.

Since the two of you had established this new part of your friendship, it was rare for you to go more than four or five days without receiving some variation of the same short message from him.

You were still slightly surprised by his text, seeing as you had only been over the night before, but you weren’t complaining by any means. Though you may have enjoyed pretending that Jungkook was the needier one in your arrangement, if you were completely honest, you were just as affected by him, finding yourself missing him on the nights you didn’t spend together.

When he opened the door, you noticed he looked a little more disheveled than usual, his hair sticking up all over the place, as if he’d been running his hands through it, a habit you knew he did when he was stressed.

“You got here fast.” He noted, letting you into the apartment.

“Well, your text made it sound kinda urgent, didn’t want to leave you waiting too long.” You said, wandering through into the living room, slowing to a stop as you caught sight of the chaotic state of the space, cleaning supplies and laundry scattered around, furniture moved all out of place.

“What happened in here?” You asked, turning back to Jungkook, who was now avoiding your eyes. “Koo?”

“I lied, I didn’t want sex.” He said guiltily, looking up at you. “I need you to help me clean.”

“I-, what?” You blinked at him, unsure if you heard him correctly.

He slumped back against the counter, looking stressed as he ran his hand through his hair again. ”My parents decided to surprise me by announcing they’re coming to visit tomorrow, but I’ve done nothing but sleep since I got home from tour last week, so the house is a fucking mess and everything’s a disaster and I need help, please.” He pleaded, staring at you.

You immediately began pulling your coat back on, turning back towards the door. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Y/n, please!” He quickly followed after you, catching your sleeve. “I’ll do anything you want! I’ll buy you dinner, I’ll rub your back, I’ll even let you pick what we watch for a month!”

You paused, turning to look back at him with a raised brow. “Even if I want to re-watch ‘Our Beloved Summer’ for a third time?”

He bit lip, trying to fight back a pained grimace before nodding slowly. “Whatever you want.”

You stared at him for a long moment.

“Fine.” You said reluctantly, caving as you saw the genuine desperation in his eyes. You could never say no to him.

“Thank you!” He sang, catching you in a tight hug and spinning you around in a circle. “I promise I’ll make it up to you!”

“Yeah, whatever,” You grumbled as he set you back on your feet. “Where do we start?”

“Laundry room?” He offered. “It’s mostly done, I just need to vacuum behind the machines.”

Do you really think your mom’s gonna look back there?” You raised a brow, following him down the hall.

“She’s very thorough.” He said seriously.

“Fair enough.” You shrugged. “I don’t quite see why I’m necessary for this part though?”

“I was afraid if I tried to clean back there by myself, I’d slip and get stuck or die.”

“So you want me to slip and die behind your washer instead?” You shot him an accusatory look.

“No! I’ll hold onto you and keep you safe,” He smiled reassuringly. “You know, like the buddy system.”

“I thought the buddy system was for camping so you didn’t get lost or eaten by bears?”

“It’s a multi-purpose system!” He said, his earlier agitation starting to flare up again at your teasing. “Are you gonna help me or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it, pass me the vacuum.” You relented, boosting yourself up on top of the dryer.

He held onto your hips to keep you balanced as you cleaned, his mind beginning to wander as he stared at your ass, his fingers starting to slowly knead your flesh absent-mindedly.

“Koo.” You warned, shooting him a quick look.

“Right, sorry.” He snapped back to attention, ceasing his movements and focusing back on the task at hand.

You finished up quickly, passing the vacuum attachment back to him and letting him help you down.

“Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” You answered, looking around expectantly. “What’s next?”

The apartment wasn’t nearly as bad of a mess as he claimed it to be, but it still took both of you several hours of work to get everything back in order, finishing off with laundry and changing all the bedding.

“Why are these sticky?!” You asked, mildly horrified as you helped him strip the sheets off his bed.

“Relax, it’s just caramel sauce.” He said.

You looked up at him confused. “We didn’t use-?”

“No no, that was just me,” He explained quickly. “I had ice cream last night.”

“Without me?!” You said, clutching your chest in feign hurt, making him roll his eyes as he let out a huff of laughter.

“I’ll add that to the list of things I need to make up for, okay?” He said.

“Eh, it’s better than where my mind went.” You said, only half joking as you grabbed the fresh sheets from him and turned back to the bed. “Almost thought you were fucking around behind my back for a second there.”

Facing away from him, you missed the way his expression suddenly turned serious as he looked at you. “I would never.”

It was strange, despite the supposedly ‘casual’ nature of your arrangement, you both found yourselves making little comments like that, words and exchanges that sounded a lot more like things said between a committed couple, rather than just two friends helping each other out till you found something more serious.

“Alright, I think that’s everything.” You said, snapping him out of his thoughts. You had finished making up the bed, even turning down the covers for him.

“Thank you, y/n.” He said gratefully. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Probably called Hobi.” You smirked, making him snort.

“Now, you promised me food, and if you lie to me twice in the same day, I’m dumping your ass.” You said, earning another laugh from him.

“Alright, whatever you want, just like I said.” He said, leaning down to give you a quick kiss.

“Although, if you wanted, I could make up for my false pretenses from earlier in a different way?” He offered, eyes darkening slightly as his hands drifted over your hips

You lightly shoved his hands away. “Not a chance, Loverboy, I’m way too tired now. You’ll have to try and ‘make it up to me’ some other time.”

“How about tomorrow?” He said, eyes twinkling mischievously, looping his arms around your waist instead to keep you close.

“I thought your parents were coming over tomorrow?” You reminded, raising a brow at him.

“You could come over after.” He suggested. “Hell, you could even come to dinner with us, my parents like getting to meet my friends.”

“Friends?” You looked up at him skeptically.

“Yeah, what?” He laughed, squeezing you lightly.

“Do you let your other friends suck your di-?”

“They don’t need to know the details of our relationship!” He said quickly, his face flushing slightly, making you snicker. “You’re still my friend, one of my best friends actually.” He added, in a soft tone.

The way he said it made your heart twist in a weird way, though you didn’t quite understand why.

“So?” He asked, staring down at you hopefully. “Will you come?”

You chewed your lip, considering. It felt like a really big commitment to meet his family, regardless of what your relationship was, but you tell it would mean a lot to him if you said yes.

“I’ll think about it.” You said finally.

He beamed.

“Thank you!” He said, leaning in to kiss you again, his lips lingering longer this time, tracing over yours lightly, making you shiver.

You pressed closer to him, hooking your arms around his neck as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss, letting your tongue delve into his mouth as his hands grip on your waist tightened.

When you pulled back for air, his pupils were blown wide, eyes almost black as he stared down at you, breathing heavily.

“Take your shirt off.” You ordered, your breaths equally unsteady.

“But I thought you said-?”

“I changed my mind.” You cut him off, tugging at the fabric impatiently. “Shirt off, now.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn

[lestappenforever]

Hi, I have an interesting - well, I hope it's interesting - theory to the whole lestappen unfollowing gate. I want to start by saying that I've thought about this for years, and I think I have enough evidence to support it, but I'm not 100% certain.

Anyway, the fact is, the whole unfollowing gate isn't true. Hold on, let me explain: I believe that Charles didn't just unfollow Max that day in June 2019, but actually blocked him. We know Charles followed Max for years before Austria, but it's still unclear whether Max followed Charles back or not—some say yes, others say no. The thing is: there isn't a single like from Charles on any of Max's posts before Austria, which is very VERY strange. Now, this is just a theory, and I don't know how true it is, it's possible that Charles never liked any of Max's posts despite following him, but knowing how active he was on social media during that period, it seems unlikely, to be honest. ALSO one interesting thing about Instagram is that likes and comments disappear if you block someone. So, that's it, my mind did 2+2 and this is what I think. Probably this is me reaching, but, yeah I think it kinda makes sense, no?

That's all, I hope I haven't bored you, and that my crazy idea makes sense—probably not, but it was fun to write this message!

Anon, this absolutely does make sense, although it is also very possible that Charles just never liked any of Max's post before Austria 2019.

Either way, if Charles not only unfollowed Max, but also went so far as to block him, and then unblocked him later, that's just makes it all the more hilarious to me.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is nothing funnier to me than grown-ass men acting like children. And they do it so well, too.

[chaostroberry1]

Hi, Could I request a platonic yandere story (or headcanons, whatever works best for you) for Adam's ror family? The reader is human and they decided to adopt her. I haven't seen much for this family and I really need more. Please and thank you very much 💗

Hello anon!! This is one lovely request. I'd love to ^

RoR!platonic!human!family × daughter reader

- I can say that there are many ways that they could have found you, but what I think would be so much funnier is that if Cain and Abel found you abandoned somewhere.

- maybe they were out adventuring until they heard baby noises, little crying. I have a feeling that Cain and his big brother instincts told him to go check it out. And boom, they find you, wrapped around very thin cloth, shivering.

- Cain told Abel to watch you so that he could get Adam. And off he went running. Abel really pitied you despite his age, what a poor thing you were. you were very small and in need of protection.

- once they got Adam to see you, he picked you up gently, cradling you around his arms while instructing the boys to get some leaves and tree branches, to make you a nest.

- he stared into your small little eyes, as eve came rushing, hearing the cries of a baby.

- They adored you so much, you were so weak. They needed to protect you no matter the cost.

- when you started growing older, the two siblings would take you out with them to watch them hunt or scavenger hunt for berries and other tasty fruit.

- your big brothers were so sweet, and very nice. You got scared because of a squirrel once, and they scared it off. Making you giggle happily.

- Eve would make you all desserts, or make you wear pretty clothing. Of course they wouldn't just have you wearing things like them, that means there would be people staring at your body. That's disgusting.

- instead, they give you a dress, and a flower crown. Like a mini princess, you were so cute. their cute little baby girl was growing up. (You were actually still five years old)

- anytime you went missing, everyone would go insane, like you were only out for a walk and eve is already rushing towards you and crying out your name, before squeezing you into the tightest hug ever, barely letting you breathe.

- Adam would scold you, before telling you to go eat berries cus he thought he was too harsh.

- Cain and Abel would cry too, blabbering nonsense like "my baby sister...Whaaa!!! We thought you were dead!!!"

- okay maybe that was too dramatic.

- what if you had a crush? Well. They don't like that. Eve would tell you to consider, and tell you all the littlest details on stuff that she found 'odd' about the person. Like how they dress, or their hair, the way they walk, a bald spot on their head- just basically anything to make you dislike them.

- Adam tho, protective father switch on. Mf is literally pouty about the fact that you had a crush on someone, saying that you were too young, and that you were still his little girl.

- Cain would go chasing the person away while holding a twig, like an angry dog. While Abel would cry to you like "why would you wanna leave us...we're your familyyy..."

- bro.

- but, you've gotten used to them. They love you very much and are only doing things like this for you because they love you.

- might as well just take it, right?

[o-sachi]

─── Sachi's Selfship Event ✦

Heya, here's my event for my 500 followers milestone. It's been fun writing my silly thoughts and sharing it on this blog. Thanks for all the support y'all have given me. But, as I've mentioned in my last post, I'll start writing on a different blog.

eermmm... update?

✦ The Event ───

Basically, you tell me about your selfship and I give you a set of headcanons based on the SFW alphabet (see content under the cut for the alphabet). For moots and followers that I recognize, I’ll do 10 letters. For everyone else, 8 letters. And for anons, 6 letters.

For fandoms, please keep it within Blue Lock, Wind Breaker, Mashle, and Kaiju no. 8!

✦ Instructions ───

Send me an ask containing the following: your chosen character, your chosen letters, your likes & dislikes, love languages (receiving and giving), hobbies, interests, basic description of your appearance, picrews, random facts, some of your own lore about your selfship, etc. —literally everything that can help me write a more accurate set of headcanons

* Since some people might not be comfortable sharing their info, I’ll keep the asks in my inbox and tag you on your post instead. But if you’re on anon, I have no choice but to answer the ask.

✦ Rules ───

1. Do not rush me with your request. If you’ve sent me an ask, I’ve definitely read it.

2. Only one selfship per person!

3. Do not include any nsfw information in the ask that you will send me.

Note: Depending on the amount of asks I get, I might not be able to fulfill all of them. Of course, moots and followers take priority!

Fulfilled Letters !

✉️: Letter for Lumi ✉️: Letter for Candy ✉️: Letter for Amy ✉️: Letter for Rye

✉️: Letter for Maru ✉️: Letter for Chiya ✉️: Letter for Miro✉️: Letter for Jei

✉️: Letter for Mari ✉️: Letter for Luvlyycy

Check under the cut for the letters you can choose from ~

These are just general descriptions for each letter, but based on the info you'll give me, I can delve into it deeper and provide stuff beyond what is written here.

A - Affection How do they show their affection for you? Do they get bouts of cuteness aggression?

B - Best Quality What they think is/are your best quality/ies and why

C - Comfort How do they comfort you when you're sad and down?

D - Dates What kind of dates do you two like to go on? How frequent?

E - Early Relationship How did you two get together? What was it like when you were just first starting out?

F - Fights What do you usually fight over? Do you quarrel often? How do things get resolved? Who says sorry first?

G - Gifts Their favorite gift that they got from you or a gift they've given to you. Do they like receiving gifts? If so, what kinds?

H - Hugs Are they a hugger? What kinds of hugs do they prefer? What about cuddling?

I - Intimacy What makes you feel connected at a deeper level? What kind of romance do you have?

J - Jealousy How jealous are they? How do they deal with it?

K - Kisses How do they kiss you? Do they like kissing?

L - Laughter What are your inside jokes? What do you usually laugh about together? Who's funnier?

M - Memories What is your most cherished memory together?

N - Nicknames Do they like nicknames? If so, what do they like to be called or what do they call you?

O - Other People What do other people think about your relationship? (Family, friends, co-workers, etc.)

P - Patience How patient are they? Who's the more patient one between the two of you? What happens if they lose their patience?

Q - Quirks What are some quirks you adopted from each other? Or what are the quirks that only come out when you're together?

R - Rituals What are some things in your routines that you like to do together? Is it common or unusual? How frequent is it? Is it a daily, weekly, or annual thing?

S - Support How do they show their support for your hobbies and interests? How involved are they?

T - Time Apart How do you spend your time apart? Who caves first? Who handles it better?

U - Uniqueness What sets you apart from other couples?

V - Values What are your shared values?

W - Wildcard Random headcanon about your relationship

X - XOXO What are the little things that they do for you? Do you notice them or maybe they go unnoticed?

Y - Yin & Yang How do you complement each other? How do you make them a better person? Or how do you make them happier? Are you two opposites or are you more similar to each other?

Z - Zrandom (sorry ran out of ideas, forgive me) Pick a theme or any topic and I'll make a headcanon for it :)

Again, for moots and followers that I recognize, I’ll do 10 letters. For everyone else, 8 letters. And for anons, 6 letters.

[meiliarotten]

could you do demo, sniper, heavy and medic with virgin reader?? I have a hc that medic has a big ass corruption kink and the idea of deflowering someone turns him on oh so much. And other mercs are just find readers shyness cute and trying not to hurt you but make you feel good!

Virgin Reader Headcanons (Demo, Heavy, Medic, Sniper)

🔞Minors DNI🔞

The Masterlist

💥 Demoman 💥

Demo definitely finds your shyness cute as hell, and he’ll let you know it too

He loves watching the way you go red from his gentle teasing

I think this would actually be his way of making you feel more at ease, playfully teasing and poking fun at some of the more awkward aspects of sex and first times

He would talk you through the experience, always making sure you're aware and okay with what he’s doing

He’ll probably make you come at least once before the “main event,” either fingering you or going down on you to help you loosen up a bit.

Definitely let him know that you’re enjoying what he’s doing! Feedback, people!

Not only does he enjoy it (*cough* praise kink *cough*) but it also lets him learn exactly what you like

🥊 Heavy 🥊

Caution is this man’s middle name when it comes to this scenario

Heavy “Caution” Weapons Guy. (This was funnier at 3:00 AM)

I am a massive dick Heavy truther, so obviously that factors in here

Not only are you gonna be having sex for the first time but you’re gonna be tackling that

Lube is a must, of course, and this man is about to become the king of foreplay

Lots of communication, and not just verbal, either. Heavy would be super attentive to your body language, taking note of any tension or signs of pain

Once you’re comfortable though, he starts to relax, probably letting you ride him so that you can control the pace while he lays back, admiring you

He is also the king of aftercare. You’re definitely gonna be sore afterwards, but he’ll make sure you feel thoroughly pampered

🏥 Medic 🏥

I feel like Medic, while he’s definitely aware of the delicacies that come with a person’s virginity, would absolutely treat the encounter like an experiment

How do you react to this kind of stimuli? What sensations do you most enjoy? Do you like pain?

Basically this guy’s head is full of questions and hypotheses

Which, to be honest, is how most first times go. It’s all about trial and error.

However, anon, I see your headcanon, and it has given me thoughts!

I think the initial “deflowering” would be a more calculated and gentle encounter

Afterwards though, Medic would definitely try to slowly introduce you to kinkier things- Exhibitionism, impact play, collars, the list goes on!

And of course, he treats all of this like an experiment too, studying you closely throughout every scene, watching your sexuality change and grow

You are a precious little specimen to him

🦘 Sniper 🦘

Foreplay will instantly become a priority

Even if you would prefer to simply jump right in, Sniper would insist on the importance of it

It’s almost like he has a checklist in his head- makeouts, leading to caressing, leading to groping, leading to… etc etc.

It couldn’t possibly be because he’s touch starved, of course not (/s)

While I don’t think he places much stock in “virginity,” he will respect those who do

As such, he’ll put in the effort to make sure your first time is a good experience

He takes this task seriously, but will occasionally find humor in it, especially if you’re the first to laugh

And of course, aftercare and cuddles are a necessity.

[featherandferns]

rumours : where are they now?

jj maybank x grumpy!fem!reader

content warnings: mentions of sex and drugs

word count: 1.2k.

read rumours | Thank you so so much for 1000 followers!!! Since starting this blog in May of 2023, I have written so many characters and storylines. I get so many lovely anon messages telling me about their favourite universes and wondering what happens next after my fics have ended. So, I thought to celebrate 1000 followers, I’d indulge. Here’s the (current) where are they now for all of my fics so far…

There was a rumour that you didn’t like Sarah Cameron. 

“Did you know Sarah’s scared of you?”

You frown and turn your head to face JJ. Your feet are sprawled out on his lap and one of his hands is occupied by rubbing the sole of your foot absentmindedly over your sock. His other is fidgeting with his lighter, a small tick you’d picked up on a while ago, and one that was somehow both adorable and sexy. 

“What?” you chuckle. 

“Yeah, she’s full on fucking scared of you.”

“That’s stupid,” you grumble. His finger slips to a ticklish spot and you flinch. He apologies and the two of you continue. 

“I think that she thinks that you don’t like her,” JJ explains. 

“I don’t like most people,” you shrug. “She shouldn’t take it personally.”

“You like me though,” JJ says. You frown at him, pretending to contemplate it, and JJ squishes that same ticklish spot to make you crack. Squealing, you try to wriggle out of his hold but his other hand abandons the lighter, latching around your lower leg and keeping you in place. 

“Get off me, freak,” you giggle, trying to sound vindictive. 

JJ laughs quietly as he pulls you towards him. You know what he’s after and he won’t let up until you indulge. Sighing, as if it’s some great burden, you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek. He’s quick though. JJ turns his head and presses his lips to yours, kissing you with such fever that it makes you laugh. It only gets funnier with how you feel him twitch under his sweatpants, against your feet. 

“You’re such a guy,” you light-heartedly berate. 

“Damn straight,” JJ grins boyishly. “Your guy.”

“Unfortunately,” you grin, kissing him again. Then, feeling the need to clarify, “I do like Sarah, by the way. She doesn’t need to be scared of me.”

JJ reconnects your lips, giving the slightest of nods. Breaking apart, you lean to retrieve the television remote from the coffee table. 

“Which one’s this one?” JJ asks. 

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” you reply, clicking on the title and pressing play. 

The two of you get situated, comfortable on JJ’s couch (his dad out somewhere, giving you both some peace). JJ rolls a joint as the opening credits start. He’d traded in smoking cigarettes for smoking joints, and whilst you still didn’t love it, it was a lesser of two evils. 

As a way for JJ to make it up to you, he’d agreed to watch all the movies he claimed he liked when he was first trying to score you. That education journey turned into weekly movie nights, with JJ pretending to be tortured every time despite obviously enjoying each one you showed him. He liked the Clint Eastwood ones especially, which did not surprise you in the slightest. The ones with the cowboys and the gunfights and the plots that are as loosely tied together as a pasta necklace. 

It was hard to trust him again. Harder still to believe him. You hated that it was that way and hoped that with time it would pass. There didn’t feel as though there was a wall up between the two of you, but you did feel as though you still held yourself back just slightly. You couldn’t help it. You were careful to let people in as it was and after being made a fool of once, you were in no hurry to relive it again. Especially now, when your feelings had only grown for him. It’s so annoying how easy it is to love JJ Maybank. What an asshole. 

“I am proud of the earrings. Heirlooms, you know. Been in the family for ages.”

“You’d never know it - they look just like new!”

“Oh…quite. You might be interested in my tiara. I always carry it with me - afraid to leave it in the state room.”

“And you’re not afraid to show it to Lorelia?” 

“Now stop, she won’t know you’re teasing.”

You glance over to JJ to check he’s enjoying it. As much as you liked to pretend to give him hell for what he did, you didn’t want to subject him to something he didn’t care for. He always said he liked to read the things you would write and produce on your gifted typewriter (arguably the most important and valuable thing in your bedroom). You’d taken to making short movies and films, signing up for a video class at school, and he insisted on watching every picture. It wasn’t all one sided though: you’d join him to surf and fish and had tried to get him to teach you how to skate. He’d introduced you to his friends and you liked them - especially Sarah Cameron. You just weren’t particularly good at being approachable. You didn’t do the hugging and gossiping thing with your friends. Instead, you preferred to sit and observe and listen, and pass judgement only from time to time. 

When you look at JJ, you’re surprised to find his gaze already set on you. Quietly laughing, you furrow your brows as if to silently ask ‘what is it?’ You can see the effect of the weed already setting in by his demeanour. 

“What’d I do to get you?” JJ asks. 

“You were paid by a guy to take me out,” is your deadpan response. 

He rolls his eyes and tosses his head back. “Come on, man!”

“I’m kidding!” you giggle, poking his chest with your foot. “You were cursed in a past lifetime, is what I meant to say.”

“Hell of a curse,” JJ grins, seemingly to himself. 

“I’ll say,” is your snorting response. “Do you like the movie?”

The two of you glance back to the screen as if prompted by your question. Marilyn Monroe, beautiful blonde hair almost shining through the old saturated screen, sits pretty in a purple sweater. The tiara has just been planted on her head, sparkling every which way with every tiny diamond. 

“You’d look good in that,” JJ mumbles. 

“The tiara?”

“Yup.”

“Aw. You too, babes.”

“I’m serious,” JJ chuckles. The two of you turn your attention gladly back on one another. “Marilyn Monroe ain’t got a thing on you.”

“Maybe if I give you fifty bucks you’ll think different,” you can’t help but joke. JJ tosses his head back with another award winning groan. 

“Dude! Seriously? I'm tryn'a be romantic here.” 

Feeling slightly bad - worried your borderline cruel sense of humour might be too much - you practically crawl into his lap. Your fingers stroke lovingly at his jaw, coaxing his face to meet yours. Smiling, you lean forward and tenderly press your lips onto his: a delightful feeling of arousal and peacefulness stirring inside you when you do. Breaking apart, you whisper against his mouth: 

“No regrets, screw-boy.”

He kisses you again. Then, swift as a kite, he balances his joint between his lips like some sort of red-neck before hooking his hands under your ass, picking you up and tossing you onto your back on the sofa. Your giggles are soon silenced by his lips on yours once more. As the movie fades into the background, attention now elsewhere, you get the feeling that you were the best fifty bucks JJ Maybank ever earnt and ever spent. 

[the-little-ewok]

The Little Spoon

Poe Dameron x G/N Reader

Rating: M

Wordcount : 1600 (ish)

Warnings : Fluff, mentions of getting caught during sex/heavy petting, rife with teasing innuendos, soft softness, spooning, brief mentions of food, Poe being an adorable menace.

Prompt / Summary : Burying your face in their neck, listening to their heartbeat, spooning at night. / After a difficult day you and Poe try something new in the bedroom.

A/N : Anon who sent me the prompts - i dont know if fluffy was what you really wanted but… i kinda went pretty fluffy cute with this. If you were hoping more for a NSFW request please send me an ask and i’ll do an alt fic for you :)

If you enjoy this fic please don't just hit the like button. Hit the reblog button and tell me your thoughts! Support your content creators with reblogs!

-------

"Stop!" You half whine, half laugh, burying your face in Poe's neck.

"I don't know if he'll ever be able to talk to you again without blushing!" Poe laughs, clearly finding the fact his newest squad member walking in on you both in a, well, compromising, position, hilariously funny, and your embarrassment even funnier.

Since then poor Leru had been unable to look at you without his cheeks lighting up red, and losing all ability to speak.

"Take it as a compliment it affected him so much," Poe shrugs, taking the whole situation in his stride, as usual. "You can't change what happened, and besides you can't hide out here forever."

'Here' was the grassy bank outside the, what now seemed all too small, base entrance. You had escaped out into the humid night air as soon as your shift was over, convinced everyone you encountered knew the story and was staring at you.

Of course, they already knew that you and Poe were close, but perhaps not quite how close. There had never really been time, during the middle of a war, to consider what you were. And now you were together, both of you wanted to enjoy it without too much fuss. At least while you settled into a new routine, and Poe to his new role as General. So really, getting carried away in what should have stayed an empty office, after Poe had returned from a long mission, was not the best of plans.

But oh, he had been so distractingly hot. The way he'd smiled, his eyes flickering up and down your body, the way he'd pulled you tight against his chest, the way his lips had brushed against your skin.

It was hard to regret what happened. But you did regret getting caught.

"I can stay here as long as I like," you challenge his statement, folding your arms.

"I could just order you back inside," he shrugs with a sigh, making out it would be a huge inconvenience for him to do that.

"You wouldn't dare!" You twist to glare at him in challenge, as Poe leans back to look at you, a serious expression creasing his brow. He slowly raises one eyebrow, before he finally gives in, bursting into laughter.

"No, you're right. I like continuing to live without a vibroblade in my chest, so I guess orders are off the table!" He pulls you back into his arms, holding you tight against him.

"How about I very politely request you come back inside? We can grab some food and get an early night?"

"I don't want to go to the canteen,” you mumble, picking at a loose thread on your trousers, unable to remove the idea that everyone would be judging you.

"You know, I don't think anyone else knows? And even if they did, firstly, it's not like they saw anything personally, just second hand, and secondly, if anyone says a damn word I'll have their ass hauled in front of me faster than they can blink!" Poe states passionately.

"That's sweet. But we agreed on no special treatment."

"Not special. I'd do that for anyone talking inappropriately about anyone. You get absolutely no special treatment. I've never given you any special treatment." Taking your chin he tilts your face towards him before he places a soft kiss against your lips.

"Hmm, so you offer that to everyone, do you?"

"Well, everyone is a little broad. More like a select group. You, Finn, Rey, Snap, BB, that really cute medic we met in Yavin," he shrugs with a teasing smile as you roll your eyes. “Now stop overthinking.”

Poe was right, you were over thinking, and as annoying as his teasing could be, you know it comes from a good place in his heart. He simply wants you to see that it's not all bad. Nothing you could do now would change anything that already happened. All you could do was, as Poe does, make the best of the situation.

Still, the embarrassment gnaws a little at your thoughts, though quieter, still there for now.

"Can we eat in your room?"

"Only if we are naked," Poe grins, making you dissolve into laughter.

"Stop that, right now!" You warn through giggles.

"I've been away for almost a month! I've been storing it all up. You are in for a lonnnnnng night, baby," he winks, and for a moment, you`re laughing so hard you forget anything had gone wrong at all today.

~

"I'm sorry," Poe offers later that night, his fingers trailing up and down your back as you lay in his bed, curled up against his side, his heartbeat drumming in your ear as you lean your head on his chest, half asleep.

You hum in question, wondering what he's talking about.

"Earlier. It was my fault we got caught like that. I should have waited. I was just excited to see you and being impulsive. I’ll try and keep my hands to myself for a little longer next time.”

You lean up on your elbow to look at him, frowning in confusion and feeling the tendrils of guilt in your own belly that he feels he's somehow to blame. The last thing you wanted was for Poe to feel he couldn't be his usual, affectionate self.

"There's nothing you need to apologise for. We were both willing participants. I was excited to see you too. You’ve no idea how much I missed you."

Poe's hand slides around the back of your neck, pulling you down to him as he mumbles, "I missed you too, baby," against your mouth before he kisses you.

When he finally lets you go, you have to take a moment, feeling a little giddy, whether with love or lack of oxygen, you aren't sure.

"Anyway, I like you being impulsive," you assure him with a soft smile.

"Then I rescind my apology," Poe chuckles as you snuggle back down against his side, trying to get comfy again.

Except now you have a problem. No matter where you place yourself, you can't quite get comfy enough to fall asleep. Something just feels wrong.

You let out a noise of annoyance, sitting up.

"Turn over," you instruct, laughing as Poe raises a questioning eyebrow, his lips upturning in a familiar grin.

"Is this going a sex thing? Because you know I can stay awake a little longer. I'm sure I can help tire you o-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter," You laugh, cutting him off and pressing your hands against his arm, trying to manually roll him over, onto his side.

"So it's not a sex thing? I'm disappointed," Poe sighs over dramatically, ignoring your pathetic attempts to move him.

"I want to cuddle you!" You explain with an exasperated sigh.

"Oh, that's what we are calling it these days? Okay, well, we can 'cuddle' as much as you like," he grins, eyes crinkling with amusement as he makes air quotes at you. You make a show of dramatically rolling your eyes in response.

"No, Poe! I mean I want to hold you!"

"Hold which bit?" He wiggles his eyebrows as you try and bite back your laughter. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, telling yourself you are grateful he's home and he just needs to get this out of his system.

When you open them again you fix him with a stern look.

"Alright, alright!" Poe holds his hands up in surrender, clearly deciding he might be pushing too far now. "You want me to be the little spoon?" He asks, obviously having known exactly what you wanted from the first time you asked.

"I want you to be the little spoon." You nod in confirmation. Poe's expression softens from teasing into something that makes your chest ache with love. It's as though the seriousness of the last few years of war drop away, and the boy Poe used to be, stares at you with hopeless adoration.

"I like that idea better," he says simply, before he rolls over with his back to face you. "But I'm still open to the sex thing." He adds, making you snort as you try to contain your laughter, knowing it will only encourage him.

Once Poe is settled, you curl up behind him, wrapping an arm over his chest, tucking your legs in behind his, cuddling up close to him as you press your face between his shoulder blades.

"Don't think I've ever been the little spoon before. I like it," Poe sighs contentedly, his hands resting over yours wrapped around his chest, holding you in place.

You smile and press a soft kiss to his back, "I like it too."

A near silence settles over you both, the only sound in the room your steady breathing as you hold each other. You can feel your eyes finally starting to drift shut, but you also know Poe is not asleep yet, as his fingers continue to gently caress your arm, almost distractedly.

“What are you thinking, Flyboy?” You mumble sleepily against his skin, not wanting to fall asleep if he has something on his mind.

"I was just wondering," he mumbles quietly, “if you think Leru is thinking about us right now?"

"Go to sleep!" You sigh against his back, feeling him shake with barely contained laughter.

"I definitely think he enjoyed it a little bit."

"Sleep!" You hiss, refusing to play into his teasing again.

There's a moment of silence, one in which you think that he's given up with the teasing and finally decided to get some rest. That is until -

"Do you think he wants to join us sometime?"

"POE!"

You can't help but smile as his laughter fills the room. Insufferable, infuriating, pain in the ass. You had missed him, so very much.

--------------

Please support this by reblogging if you enjoyed it! I live for comments on your thoughts and remember the only way to keep writers writing, is to reblog their work and tell them what you think of it!

[honeycreammilkshake]

If that leak is real Gege may really want a sequel that has Sukuna but NOT yuji lmao, sorry Gege, I LOVE Sukuna but Sukuna without Yuji doesn't sound good, he is a good character but the rest of the cast is.....I still don't get why it was so hard to understand the huge appeal Sukuna/Yuji duo had.

Same with Yuji without Sukuna, standard safe ending with a trio safe ending, sorry I don't like those anymore

100% with you, anon. even if you don't ship sukuita, you can't deny sukuna and yuuji had one of the most fascinating relationships between a protagonist and an antagonist.

they both hate each other so deeply, but everything between them has always been much more personal than when they're fighting others. and sukuna definitely gives yuuji special treatment. he uses kozou almost exclusively for yuuji (and the one time i believe he doesn't, he's still referring to megumi as the "other" brat) to the point where it's almost like a pet name.

and what is so interesting about this is that sukuna so dismissively calls megumi "brat," in a way that i feel is trying to disassociate yuuji from the word.

there's a reason why i think of this as the sukuita divorce era and that is mostly because of how sukuna keeps claiming to not need yuuji any more, always trying to sideline yuuji in favor of others, but he also can't seem to stop obsessing over yuuji and making everything about the guy he supposedly finds boring and worthless. sukuna goes out of his way to praise/compliment others during their fights, so that everyone but yuuji (who he only ever admires in his private thoughts) seems to get some kind of in-depth commentary on their abilities, while sukuna merely insults yuuji (rather weakly, too). it's even funnier when sukuna unironically can't stop making everything about the brat even when yuuji isn't there, because when sukuna's fighting maki he still manages to frame his admiration of her skill in a way that insults yuuji, despite the fact the boy isn't even there so why does it have any relevance at all??

not only that, but sukuna loves to torment yuuji, dragging his cruel taunting out in a way he doesn't do with others. he deliberately changes back to let yuuji see the devastation of shibuya, because sukuna understands how much the needless death of strangers and innocents impacts yuuji.

and he also makes a big deal of how little he thinks of yuuji, how unthreatening and boring the brat supposedly is to him shortly after possessing megumi's body.

what's really interesting here is how, despite a chance to kill yuuji, sukuna still doesn't. in fact, he's had multiple chances to get rid of yuuji but still he keeps the brat around. maybe he finds yuuji a more worthwhile opponent after all. maybe he even wants yuuji to remain alive till the end of it all, if only to see the brat suffer through the breaking of all his ideals.

there's also the matter of how sukuna can't keep his hands off of yuuji, almost as if he misses the closeness he had when yuuji was his vessel. it's far more intimate and physical than it needs to be.

this panel in particular really showcases sukuna's overall feelings toward yuuji. he's cradling the back of yuuji's neck, almost tenderly, as he pounds his fists relentlessly on the side of yuuji's head.

yuuji drives sukuna to such violent reactions because sukuna's on the defensive with him. they both get under each other's skin and ignite a hate far more consuming than others bring out in them.

and the way yuuji also fights sukuna is so unnecessarily up-close and physical as well.

the raw emotion of yuuji beating into sukuna, his crazy side really showing in how rough and unmerciful he is right now.

sukuna draws out the worst in yuuji just as much as sukuna arguably drew out the best in him, too. if it wasn't for swallowing that cursed finger and becoming the vessel of the king of curses, yuuji wouldn't have started down this path of working so hard to save other people's lives. as he himself said, he'd never before considered putting his own strength and talents to use helping others, and never before had he considered he might be the only person capable of doing so, but seeing how sukuna caused so much devastation and death drove yuuji into becoming a fighting force for good.

and just like sukuna brings out so many overwhelmingly strong feelings in yuuji, the boy does the same to him as well. sukuna is at turns extremely aggravated and enraged because of yuuji, and surprisingly pleased because of him as well.

sukuna can keep talking big about how uninteresting and inferior yuuji is yet the moment yuuji comes into view, sukuna is all psyched up for their fight....

he even looks excited and pleased to fight with yuuji again even though he claims to have no interest in the brat .... not fooling anyone sukuna ( -. -)

sukuna also can't seem to stand yuuji looking down on him with "pity" which sparks a much more violent reaction than he had with other people when they suggested sukuna was lonely and unfulfilled with his life, or even tried to "force" sukuna into thinking like them.

i think my biggest disappointment with this series overall is how gege chose to focus so much less on these two and their dynamic. i hated it when yuuji kept getting relegated to the sides over and over, and i also didn't like it when sukuna kept having rather pointless fights with everyone but yuuji.

the fact that yuuji suddenly wanted to offer sukuna mercy and even connect with him despite hating and despising his very being before was also such an unexpected twist that i would have loved gege to expand on and give a little more context and feeling behind.

i think, with a relationship as fascinating and complex as theirs, focusing more on it would have only made jjk even greater. but sadly, gege chose not to do that. and i feel like that why a lot of the recent chapters have been rather disappointing.

thank you so much for your ask, anon! sorry for the rant i came back with.

[thisismeracing]

His protector | CL16

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!comedian!reader (she/her)

Word count: 0.4k

Genre: regular imagine + smau (overall fluff)

Warnings: not proofread; mentions of Ferrari's disastrous strategy; fluff;

Summary: Yn is a comedian, who happens to date the f1 driver Charles Leclerc and who loves to joke around about how horrendous Ferrari is, but beware: she is the only one who can laugh at her boyfriend’s disastrous races. No one pokes fun at Charles in front of her, especially not on live TV.

A/n: This request has been sitting in my inbox forever because I'm a freaking perfectionist who loved the idea but wanted to get it to be perfect. It's my first time mixing social media au and regular images, I don't know if I'll be doing it again, but I hope you guys like it! Anon who requested: thank you sm for being so patient and kind with your request, it means a lot. I hope it's a bit like you imagined it to be. Every piece I write here it’s a new experience, so your feedback, comments, and asks are more than welcome. *mwah* 🤍

A/n2: A huge shoutout to Leri ( @elitebarzal ) for helping me with this (she was the one who sent me the jokes and helped me with the story's structure). ILY, Le!

A/n3: None of these jokes are originally mine, they're all from the internet, just like all the pictures used are from Pinterest. The writing, however, is all me, and I do not consent for it to be published anywhere else!

Based on this request.

see my masterlist | check here if you want to be on my new taglist

you can support my writing by liking, reblogging, and leaving a comment

“Why did Charles Leclerc take up gardening?” Yn asks eyes focused on the main camera in the studio, ready to deliver her joke. Anthony, Yn’s colleague, and part of the Saturday Night Live cast, was already trying to hold back his laughter when she added, “Because he wanted to be in "pole" position at least once this season.” 

The crowd hollered in laughter, and Anthony almost couldn’t hold his own back.

“This one got me, I gotta give it to you that this is way funnier than whatever I had for tonight,” he bantered.

“It’s a live show for a reason, right?” she winked and turned back to the camera. 

Yn was dating Charles for over a year now, and he was a constant topic of her jokes, the audience, and fans were used to her always roasting him, but everyone knew it to be just part of their relationship. Yn being sassy and playful as she was would make fun of whoever she was close enough to know her jokes wouldn’t come off as offensive. 

Charles loved that side of her. It was nice to have someone who would cry with you but also make you laugh and take the hardships of life with a degree of lightness. 

It was race week, Yn was in the paddock and it wasn’t uncommon for some channels to call upon her for a quick interview about her thoughts on the race. She usually wouldn’t mind, she would be polite as usual, answer their questions, sometimes even tell a joke or two and then follow her path back to Charles if he was free to have her around. 

This time, however, this interview seemed to stress her more than to amuse her. 

“We all know he can do better-”

“Can he?!” Yn asked, brows furrowing a challenging look on her face. “With Ferrari’s current strategy, I don’t think he can.” 

“Well, most people seem to think he could, and I tend to believe that maybe that’s right. It’s not always the team’s fault.” 

“Eric, have you tried driving a formula one car?” 

The reporter gaped, taken aback by Yn’s question, before answering, “Well, no, I’m a journalist.”

“If you’re so sure he could do better, then maybe you should go there and try driving the car. See which position you get,” she kept her instance, lips pursed in a tight line. 

The reporter chuckled, trying to light the situation, but Yn didn’t, and everyone watching the live interview saw the tension in the air. Everyone got the message: nobody downplays her boyfriend in front of her. There’s a line between making fun when it’s known Charles is comfortable and openly talking about how he could do better in a sports program. 

taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @formulakay3 @mishaandthebrits @crimeshowjunkie @iloveyou3000morgan @saintlewis @fdl305 @chaoticevilbakugo @carojasmin2204 @wondergirl101ks @smiithys

[askchilchuck]

Hey, how can I help you?

(Please read below before interacting)

Hi! My name is Sophie! This blog has gotten enough traction that I feel the need to lay some ground rules for it.

1) This blog is intended to be PG13 so I don’t have to exclude younger fans from participating. I will not be answering anything that wouldn’t fly in canon, or is adjacent to it. Anything explicitly sexual, or can be construed that way will not be answered. This decision was made a couple months in, so do be advised there is some more suggestive content on the earlier posts on this blog. If you don't want to see that kind of content, stick to the newer posts.

2) Nothing related to suicide please. I tried playing it off the first time but between myself and some people around me, even the “KYS 🥰🥰🥰” jokes really aren’t funny, especially recently. Asks including it will not be answered.

3) No firearms. Related to rule 2.

4) Please no spammy asks. I’m honestly not sure how to answer them, and they clog up both the blog itself and the main tags.

5) No political asks. I understand how terrifying the results of the US election are, but I really need this place to be a break from all that. For my sake and yours. We both need spaces where we can recharge from this. Chilchuck doesn’t know what’s going on anyway, he deserves to live in ignorance from it. I love you.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to bully him, but these things cross a line for me. Thank you for understanding.

If you’re an RP blog, you’re more than welcome to interact! Even if you’re not a Dunmeshi blog! I don’t always have the time to do reblog chains, though, so please don’t feel bad if I miss you there. It’s easiest for me if you submit RP as an ask when the box is open. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. If you’re 18+ and interested, I also do private RP on my Discord, linked on my Dunmeshi side blog.

IN LIGHT OF DUPLICATE CHARACTERS:

I think that’s awesome and also really funny. I encourage it. We’ve already got a loose MCU/multiverse plot line going on so we can totally make it work, too. Hell yeah. Hilarious. Love that. /gen

Blog lore:

This blog takes place loosely post canon. I try to avoid spoilers, but little things here and there are inevitable. Chilchuck has made up with his wife and they’re currently working on their relationship. Chilchuck is also in therapy. This is for a few reasons.

1) I don’t think he’d actually answer any of these if he wasn’t.

2) He doesn’t talk about it a lot, but it was one of his wife’s conditions before giving the relationship another go.

3) He just. Should be in general and I have control of it so it’s happening lol

My Chil is bi, but in the middle-aged “everyone’s had gay thoughts before” kinda way, cause I think it’s funnier that way. He also gets high from time-to-time now that he’s not dungeneering anymore.

Folks kept turning him into different things/animals, so goldstar/⭐️ anon gave him an amulet to put a stop to that. "Marcus" also altered the spell on the amulet to encompass all transformations, since inanimate objects weren't initially included.

Squeaker also used a device to prevent any crab transformations specifically from occurring, as well as ejecting all crabs within a 20 mile radius.

There’s also a cult stalking him for some reason. (This is an ongoing problem. They haven't hurt anyone, and they seem to only be targeting Chilchuck.)

The TVA (Marvel) is loosely involved as well as previously mentioned. Squeak fixed it (or so she thought. There's now a DMCU situation going on.)

Also, Chil’s knowledge of the blog/Tumblr varies depending on what would be funnier, but generally he’s aware of the internet. He only uses his phone to answer your asks, though. He has no idea how to do anything else and has no desire to. This means he doesn’t fact check people or knows anything about the greater internet experience. No one knows how he got the phone, or how it’s holding a charge. Don’t worry about it.

ADDENDUM:

Chilchuck has recently started googling slang, and anything else that might be confusing or annoying to him. However, he hates the search feature and trying to find answers on individual websites, and will take the AI generated answers without question.

I myself don’t talk in the main posts, unless it’s tagged #ooc. Otherwise, I’ll always talk in the tags if I’ve got something to say. Or replies. Or DMs. Main post is the only place I’m in character unless specified otherwise.

Emoji anons:

•⭐️/goldstar anon

•🦉/owl anon

•👻/ghost anon

•♡/heart anon

•🐭/mouse anon

•🍬/candy anon

•🥣/bowl (cereal?) anon

•🐻🏀/bear basket ball anon

•🃏/joker anon

•🟣/Gojo Satoru

•🪻

•🐦‍⬛

No other heart variants have been claimed. Also, heads up to all emoji anons, I’m going to start using just one tag for your asks going forward to make tagging easier! So I’ll just be using the emoji variant from here 💖

If you want to hang out with me in a less censored environment, I also run @chilfucked and @askchilchucknsfw which are 18+ only. I will ban all minors who so much as breathe on those blogs. I’m not joking.

I also reserve the right to update these rules as time goes on, so please check them again before submitting when the ask box is open again. Thank you!

[moonlit-imagines]

Preferences: Karaoke with the Avengers

Avengers x reader

warnings:

a/n: this was on a gif imagine list but i really thought this would be funnier teehee. also. um. all these gifs being mainly from that one scene of AOU is sending me

prompt: anon 🥀: “imagine karaoke night with the avengers”

Bruce would need a LOT of courage to go up and sing for a crowd, but he’d gladly do a duet if you were the lead. “Hang on wait, you start.” He’d tell you, awkwardly holding the microphone and standing slightly behind you. You’d laugh and start the song off, waiting for him to get comfortable before you started dancing around with him. The crowd went wild.

Avid karaoke spectator. Loves to watch, loves to laugh, claps as hard as he can anyways. Nat gets him to sing every once in a while—something really serious that brings the crowd to tears. You always record and save it for a rainy day. “Y/N, delete that. That doesn’t leave this room.”

Nat loves karaoke! She’ll sing solo, duets, group songs, any genre, you name it! But if you sing with her, you better do it right and you better do it on key. “Y/N, you’re going too high.” She’ll warn. “I told you I couldn’t hit these notes!” You’ll tell her, insisting on the other song you picked. It was all fine in the end, though, so long as you bought her a drink.

Sam can SING. Let him do his thing, he’s amazing, everyone can’t wait for him to get on stage. He has to swat the ladies away. At least, that’s what he claims. He’s not too much of a spotlight sharer, and he always asks you to hold the camera. You get the right angles. “That’s it, remember to zoom in at the end so I can do my wink, okay? We’re gonna post that.” Genuinely enjoys karaoke and loves the hype.

Steve will sing something old, everyone will pretend to fall asleep and he’ll call them mean. You always clap for him, and he’s even invited you up to sing some golden oldies, which shocks most people when you play his counterpart so well. It’s the closest he can get to an appropriate setting where he can dance the way he did when he was younger, and you always entertain it because it lifts his spirits.

Thor only knows one song, perpetually complains that there are no Asgardian songs on the playlist. His one song is something really silly like Maroon 5 or Imagine Dragons, but he sings it well. He refuses to learn any other songs, one will do just fine. And the more he drinks, the more times he goes up in one night and sings that same song. You’d think it’d be exhausting but its actually really funny. “Another!”

Tony Stark goes one of two ways—vintage dad rock (Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, etc.) or early Y2K pop (Britney Spears, Lady Gaga). Either way, you’re in for a show. “Y/N, what am I singing tonight?” He asks your preference, but no matter what you say, he’ll do the opposite.

Wanda is a showtunes girl, she loves to live in that fantasy—even if it’s only for three and a half minutes. Any musical, you name it, she’ll do it. These require some backup vocals and maybe a partner here and there. Be careful, because she’ll just pick someone and they have no choice but to sing with. “Wanda wait! I don’t know the words!” You protest with her hand in yours as she drags you up to the stage. “You know how to read, silly!”

BONUS: Vision is the karaoke machine 🎤

taglist: @locke-writes // @captainshazamerica // @summersimmerus // @prettysbliss // @simp-legend // @wild-rose-35 // @nekoannie-chan // @beth-gallagher22 // @mymelodymia // @deanzboyfriend // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 //

[derangedfujoshi]

hope this doesnt come off as rude or anything, im not trying to sound condescending, but the reason people dont like the christian anime loli girl thing is because she has a missionary rosary and its pretty racist. both the act of being a missionary in itself and also the color meaning on the beads. you can look it up if youd like. i dont want to tell you what to do or anything, because it is a cute design, so i understand where youre coming from, i just wanted you to be aware of what was going on just in case. have a good day :)

Damn anon I was writing a long, thoroughly thought reply to this with all the implications of being an italian non cis lesbian living in the same fucking city as the Pope but Tumblr ate it and I have no intention on rewriting it so you'll get the short version instead, sorry :(

The short version is that I don't give a shit because I'm an italian adult who's not constantly online and so I point and laugh at the ridiculous attempt of the Vatican to appeal to the youth, not by reforming the institution of the church but by creating a fucking ANIME GIRL MASCOT! It's ridiculous and pointless and to add another delicious layer to this absurd cake the designer previously collabed with a sex toy brand and did a Pride collection which made some people reeeeaaally mad within the church which only made the situation even FUNNIER! You can't make this shit up.

"but she's a missionary did you know that was bad" no fucking SHIT Sherlock, I studied history in school plus I hate the church as an institution but Luce is 1) not real so she hasn't "done" anything and 2) absolutely not that serious.

My dude we've been lewding her and her friends since the SECOND they released her, why do you think? Because we're pulling the middle finger at the church in a hotter and funnier way than whining online. Maybe do that instead and you'll feel better. That or block her tag ig but if some stupid ass anime loli mascot upsets you "because of racism" maybe you should sit down and re-evaluate what really counts as a problem to be mad at :)