#And your sense of self worth has been tied to being better

[social-media-shy]

I love this moment in ep 6 when Pat says, "thank you for saving Pa." It is such a turning point in their relationship. Until then, Pat has carried the guilt of not acting on that day near the river, and of Pran's transfer. He has constantly been trying to make it up to Pran, feeling like he owes him. And he has done a ton of stuff for Pran, but it has never felt monumental enough compared to the stuff Pran has done or gone through.

For Pat this was the moment he let go of all of that. And in a way Pran truly became one of his own, rather than an "other" he owes or has to make up stuff to. Recognising that all he ever needed to do was thank Pran. That there was nothing to feel inadequate or responsible for.

And while he told Pran that he thought about things from his perspective and Pran was put in the same position as him, so he could never hate him for any of it. Pat also finally gave himself that same consideration, empathy and kindness. Such a healing moment from the shit Pat's dad put him through. I love him. Iove them.

[ukiyowi]

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐈

Note: These are my observations if it doesn't resonate scroll xx

Masterlist || Tip 🍯

𐂲 I've recently noticed, whatever sign your mars is in and whichever body part that sign rules, can often result in getting accidentally hurt or random in that part. (Example, Mars in gemini = getting hurt on arms/hands, in Capricorn = scalp/knees/teeth, in Aries = head/sometimes cheekbones, etc)

𐂲 One thing I've noticed about Virgo risings is how much they underestimate themselves, they also usually have trouble with anxiety and overthinking

𐂲 Mystic rectangles give a lot of balance to a person but it can also come with multiple internal hardships and conflicts (in forms of insomnia or mental illnesses) and they often need external help to reach their full potential

𐂲 Pluto - Neptune hard aspects especially squares bring into consideration the back and forth between transformation versus illusion, what I mean by that is they have trouble distinguishing patterns in their cycles and may think they're imagining changes rather than believing that it's real (I hope this makes sense I've been trying to word it for the past 5 mins)

𐂲 I know we talk a lot about Leo Risings having great hair but imo Pisces rising have such luscious hair, like they have sm volume and shine to them?? They also look like a waterfall, just flowing, it's so pretty <//3

𐂲 Saturn in 4th/5th/11th house can overshare on the internet about everything going on with their lives

𐂲 Pluto in 6th house feel powerful only when they're working, so they never stop and even when they feel burnt out, they feel their sense of self and self worth is only tied to what they can give, therefore they may face guilt when they try to rest.

𐂲 This is simply a personal observation/theory but I have noticed that people who have a lot of degrees that are higher in number like 20+ often feel more comfortable with people older than them especially if those degrees sit in Pluto or Saturn

𐂲 I've noticed Aries mercuries also have very heavy footsteps, you can hear the thump 😭

𐂲 12th house Pluto are their own best friend and worst enemy, they may enable bad habits for others and justify the same for themselves, HOWEVER once the natives know how to harness the power of Pluto and understand it better, they can be really influential because a lot of people may be subconsciously attracted to the power they possess.

𐂲 Can we talk about Leo risings and how good their self concept is? Like... Please teach me tysm

𐂲 LIBRA PLACEMENTS IN GENERAL HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME WITH HEALTHY BOUNDARIES I'LL CRY- I have a friend with Libra venus and she can never say no to someone especially if she starts liking them :// and it's so hard to see ppl just take advantage of her, I also have friends and relatives with Libra in the big 3 and not only are they complete givers, they also have such a hard time taking, they feel guilty.

✓✓✓ Going to be mean to some of my placements/aspects now

𐂲 Venus conjunct Mars are so fucking clingy but ALSO so flighty🤨🤨choose ??? Do you want to be in this relationship (platonic/romantic) or do you not, stop being so hot and cold (it may help if I tell you both of these are in gemini for me)

𐂲 Chiron - moon placements have mommy issues or wounds related to their mothers/maternal figures in their lives

𐂲 Jupiter virgos can be such doormats at times, just because you want to help people doesn't mean you keep emptying your cup to fill others'.

𐂲 Mercury in 1st have their self worth TIED to their intelligence, like stop flaunting your knowledge, low-key looks insecure.

𐂲 Jupiter opposition Uranus has such rebel without a cause energy, what are you going to "rebel" against now, please sit down for a second

𐂲 Mars Square Ascendant, people with this aspect are always ready to fight, feel like everything is a personal attack, and are terrible at being alone

✓✓✓ Back to your regularly scheduled programme

𐂲 Something I've wanted to say to each stellium I've met so far:

𐂲 Aries: You have a lot of life in you, hand some over🤲🤲🤲, seriously though you guys look at everything with such wonder and curiosity, you're also kinda impatient but that's fine with me :")

𐂲 Sagittarius: You're so cool, I want to be like you, introspective, self aware, your humour is a little concerning at times but you teach me so much all the time, you're the guide I've always wished for

𐂲 Leo: You're a born entertainer and at times I can be a bit envious because of how bright you shine, leaving me in the shadows, but I love you and your love for life regardless, you're a star

𐂲 Gemini: You are so stealthy in everything you do, sometimes you slip through the cracks, a trickster (affectionate), I love how you can be mischievous one second and completely serious the next

𐂲 2nd house: You're just so understanding and make me feel like home, it's like you are home personified, very warm and comforting, also so abundant in everything it's crazy

𐂲 8th house: Stop making me talk about my feelings I'll cry >:(( no but seriously, you guys have something about you that just makes people face what they're avoiding, and you are so good at empathising with them.

[caplanbuckybarnes]

Knight of the Night C.1 (Knight!Bucky)

Summary: King Steve Rogers sends you on a long quest to find Bucky’s whereabouts when he has not returned back to the castle after a long few weeks.

Word Count: 850

Warnings: N/A, just setting up the plot, i suppose??

Read on Ao3!

--

“You understand what the consequences of this quest, correct?” The King, Steve Rogers informed you as he walked over to you.

“Of course, your highness.” you nodded, never letting go of his gaze.

“I want you to prove yourself, Y/N,” he reasoned, eyeing you with great concern. “You’ve proven your worth to me many months ago. But my knighthood believe that I’ve gone mad by taking you on board.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” you bored your eyes into the sword that he placed on the round table in front of him. You were being ordered to travel to a far away land in order to search for Steve’s second in hand, James Barnes.

Being a female, you had to prove yourself to men many times growing up. Your father had taught you how to hold a sword the proper way. He trained you up until King Steve had taken you under his wing last year. Steven had always seen the best in you. He knew what you had been capable of, your talent was nothing to question. 

Steven knew you were ability to slay a dragon with a hand tied behind your back. You were strong willed and determined. You had to be in order to protect your own legacy and self-worth. The other warriors assumed you were childish and unworthy of their time. Steven knew better. He had asked you to join him at his High Table and you took the honor with pride and joy.

Steve trusted you. So here you sat in front of him, being informed of this newest quest that he only trusted you with, no one else. You knew this quest would be lengthy and dangerous. You were sent to slay a dragon. You were sent to rescue James Barnes after the man failed to return from his journey. Steve assumed him dead and sent you to retrieve his absent body.

“You shall leave at dusk,” he announced, squeezing your shoulder. “You will not return until James is with you. Do you understand me?”

You nodded. “Of course, sir. You have permission oto slay me alive shall I fail to return home with him by my side.” Your heart pounded in excitement as you reached for the weapon and standing at your fullest height. “Give me five days; five days to retrieve him and return to the castle. Shall I fail at this quest, you’ll know where to find my body, I presume? You know of my wishes shall I perish in this quest?”

“I’m aware.” He bowed his head and raised a hand towards the door, silently granting your leave. You returned the bow before waltzing out of the grandiose room, your heart beating rapidly in your chest.

*********

Walking through the castle, you’d met with another knight, Bruce Banner. You’d stop to conversate for a short moment, explaining to him the quest that was assigned to you. He was surprised by the notion, nearly teasing you as he started to open his mouth. “I hope for your safe return, Y/N.”

“He trusts that I will.” You spoke i na slick tone. You knew none of the other knights would congratulate you on this journey; they’d merely scoff and turn their heads in jealousy and envy. You took pride in those reactions. 

“He’s gone mad,” Bruce shook his head. “What was he thinking asking a woman with such a powerful quest?”

You straighten your spine before ignoring him and marching along through the castle, ignoring the snickers and taunts from the other knights of the round table. You smiled at several maids before you stepped out onto the castle grounds. You sniffed at the air, feeling exuberant and calm as the scents of flowers and trees came to your sense. 

The gardens were always a favorite part of the castle for you, ever since you had stepped up to this place. It always reminded you of home. You were nearly at the gates of the castle’s entrance when you heard a voice calling your name.

“Knight Y/N!”

You turned around and smiled politely at the long blond haired man as he approached you, carrying a few items in his hands. “Odinson.” You greeted. “What are you doing outside of the kitchens?”

“I was informed this morning of your journey and the king had asked me to make several dishes for your journey.” He explained, handing over the basket with plates inside of them. “I thought I had missed you, my apologies. He didn’t wish for you to go on your journey with an empty stomach.”

You smiled softly at the man before taking the basket from his hands. “Thank you, Odinson.” You bowed before clutching the basket with your hand and watching as he turned around and marched back to the castle.

--

(this is your friendly reminder to please reblog if you enjoyed!)

(PART TWO)

[callsign-rogueone]

not alone - r.g.

Ridoc Gamlyn x reader part three of Ridoc and Sweetheart’s story. words: 1.8k 🏷: Iron Flame spoilers in a vague sense, reader experiencing the joys of RSC, implications of torture but it’s not shown, mild panic attack / anxiety spiral / self-deprecating thoughts, bring tissues maybe, “happy” ending, Ridoc (and Sawyer) to the rescue! I am so stuck on the first-date scene that I just skipped it for now but it will happen eventually, I promise!!

This has to be a dream. It feels like something out of an adventure novel — waking up in a literal dungeon, chained to the wall. 

“Rhith?”

You wait a few seconds, but she doesn’t respond. Oh, gods, what if she… no, she’s okay. She has to be okay, because you’re okay. Maybe she’s asleep or off hunting or something.

But she’s never not responded to you before. She’s always replied, always been there to assuage your worries and remind you that it’ll be okay, just breathe. 

Breathe. Deep breaths, think about the butterflies… You look up, seeing no trace of them, no flutter of blue wings in the dim mage light of the room that you can’t seem to brighten, either.

You try it again, picturing them more clearly, thinking about the patterns on their wings and the colors… Nothing.

Something is definitely wrong. 

Why can’t you make a simple illusion? Is your signet broken? Is that why you’re down here? Is this some kind of reconditioning? A punishment? Or are you here to be executed for being defective?

“Rhith?” you try again, still working to steady your breathing, but every second that passes without a response only tightens the knot around your heart.

There’s no use. She’s not going to respond, because she’s given up on you, finally realized she’d chosen poorly, that you aren’t fit to be a rider after all, and decided to do away with you before the next Threshing, where she could choose a better rider, one who doesn’t need constant reassurance and hand-holding like a child.

The door swings open, a uniformed infantry officer stepping inside, here to decide your fate. He’s fully armed, a short blade in his hand, ready to carve into your skin or to pierce your heart, put you out of your misery — to thin the herd, to separate the wheat from the chaff. 

“I’m sorry,” you plead, as if that will change her mind. “I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll try harder, I’ll prove to you that I can handle it, just please don’t give up on me, don’t leave me here to die, please…”

He scoffs at you. “Crying already? This is going to be easier than I thought.”

You can’t dry your tears with your hands tied behind your back, so you settle for blinking them away and willing them to stop — you need to be strong if you want to get out of this room alive and see your brother and sister and the rest of your family again.

Family. That’s it — to convince them you’re worth it, you need to be someone else, someone who is worth it, like your brothers. 

You’re going to get through this. You’re going to endure whatever they put you through like Garrick would, and do it all with a straight face like Xaden, and be brave like Liam and smart like Brennan, and then Rhith will take you back, and everything will be okay again; you just need to stay strong.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ridoc can’t find you at breakfast— you aren’t sitting with Bodhi and Imogen and the other marked ones like you always do. Maybe you’re sleeping in, he decides. The thought is a small comfort to him, but he can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He hadn’t seen you all weekend, but that much is normal — he’d spent Saturday afternoon with his friends at the tavern in town, and you aren’t the going-out type; you’d rather curl up with a book to distract yourself from the rest of the world and it’s cruelty.

You hadn’t answered your door when he’d come to extend you the invitation, but he’d just assumed you were elsewhere. And your relationship is new, anyway, new enough that the word relationship probably isn’t the best to describe what the two of you have — you’ve been on two dates. You aren’t going to be spending every hour of your spare time together. 

But you aren’t at morning formation either, and as he settles into his usual seat at Battle Brief, you’re still nowhere to be found. There’s no denying it now; this isn’t a series of coincidences, this is a pattern, and something is definitely wrong.

Second squad seems to all realize what’s happening at once.

“I’m sure she’s okay,” Sawyer tries, but Ridoc seems unconvinced, bouncing his leg under the table nervously. His eyes snap toward the door as it creaks open, one person walking through.

You make it up to the back of the lecture hall, settling into the open chair beside Ridoc, your usual spot these days.

Everyone’s eyes widen at the cuts and bruises across your arms and face, knowing there’s likely even more covered by your clothes.

“Are you okay?” Violet asks in a whisper, knowing it’s a stupid question, but wanting to say something anyway.

You nod, chewing your lip. “I’m fine, but I can’t feel Rhith. I don’t know what happened.”

You’ve been trying all morning, had tried all night when they’d finally left you to sleep… you haven’t heard anything from her in two full days, but the infantry officer had let you go free, so you must have passed whatever test they’d given you, decided you were worthy of being a rider after all.

Guilt flickers in Ridoc’s chest - he should have told you, given you some kind of warning. “They did the same thing to us last week. It was something in the water. It’ll wear off soon, I promise.” He holds a hand out, a small icicle forming in his palm that he wraps in a piece of soft fabric. “Here.”

You take it from him, holding it to the killer bruise forming on your jaw from where the officer’s fist had nearly broken it. “Thank you.”

You’re exhausted. You’d barely had enough time to shower before class started, and you’re pretty sure you’re concussed; it’s hard to think, and everything is too bright in here, too loud…

You turn your gaze back to the professor, but don’t take any notes, don’t make any move to take a pen and paper from your bag, letting your eyes fall shut as Devera continues her analysis. It goes in one ear, out the other, but you know none of it is true anyway, or if it is, it’s only half the story.

The ice is starting to melt against the warmth of your skin, dripping down your wrist. He takes it back, letting it disappear into thin air and pocketing the wet handkerchief silently, resting an arm on the back of your chair and pressing a soft kiss to your bruised temple.

You blink awake at the sound of everyone getting up to leave — you must have gotten almost an hour of sleep. It’s taken some of the edge off, but your entire body still aches as you rise from your seat.

“Aotrom says she’s on the flight field,” Ridoc says, shouldering your bag before you can protest. “Do you wanna go see her?”

You just nod in response, your jaw still aching too much to speak. You make the walk up in silence, your heart clenching when you see Rhith standing there, waiting for you.

The comforting voice is finally back in your head. “Hello, sweet one.”

“Hi,” you say aloud, voice wavering. 

She lowers her head to you, letting you stroke a hand over the dark green scales of her nose. “I would never want to replace you, sweet one. You are just as strong and just as valuable as your brothers, and I chose you for a reason.”

You realize that she’d heard it all, your desperate pleas for her to spare your life, the promises that you’d be better, thinking she’d abandoned you…

“I’m sorry for thinking that, I just… my signet stopped working, and I couldn’t hear you…” you’re going to cry just thinking about it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she soothes. “Try it again.” 

You take a breath and close your eyes, picturing a butterfly. When you open them, you can see one floating through the gentle afternoon breeze. You add another, just to be sure that it wasn’t a fluke, and another… three of them now, content to flutter around in front of you.

Ridoc is still watching you, silent. The look of relief on your face breaks his heart.

He realizes that by separating you from Rhith, they’d taken away your only friend in that room. He’d had Rhiannon and Violet and Sawyer by his side the whole time, but you’d been entirely alone; no marked ones, nobody from your squad — you’re the only second-year left. They’d taken your best coping mechanism as well, your ability to self-soothe with your gentle projections. 

Rhith looks up at Ridoc, who stands a respectful distance away, your bookbag slung over his shoulder. “She says thank you,” you relay for her, “for taking care of me.”

Ridoc smiles. “Always, sweetheart. Now let's get you to the healers, hm?”

He holds out a hand, and you hesitate a moment before you take it, intertwining your fingers loosely. His skin is warm against yours, soft, gentle, safe. When you make it down the hill and across the bridge to the infirmary, you almost don’t want to let go.

You stay as close to Ridoc as you can for the rest of the day. He treats you incredibly carefully, even after you’ve been mended back to normal, the cuts healed and bruises faded completely.

You’re grateful to wake up in your own bed the next morning, silently getting ready for the day and falling into your place at morning formation.

“Atken,” Dain calls, gesturing for you to come see him. “You’re being transferred.”

What? Why? Your heart races, but you follow him silently, stopping in front of a different squad, in Fourth Wing.

“I think you already know most of your squadmates,” he prompts.

You take a good look at them — nearly all of your friends; Imogen and Sloane and Violet, and now Ridoc and his friends too. You might cry. “Thank you,” you say quietly.

“Don’t thank me, thank those two. They made quite the argument for transferring you.” He nods toward Ridoc and Sawyer — they both smile at you, Ridoc grinning from ear to ear, Sawyer looking rather bashful.

“So you won’t have to be alone anymore,” Ridoc answers before you can ask. 

You fall into the formation beside him, reaching over to hook your pinky around his in a tiny show of appreciation. “Thank you.”

He smiles at you, warm and bright, keeping your fingers interlocked through the morning roll and announcements.

Maybe your second year won’t be so bad anymore.

[galsinspace]

Replaying Inquisiton really made me notice (again) how the companions are written with such an incredibly noticeable difference in care. Man I hope they did a better job in Veilguard. And it's such a stark contrast from Origins!

I'll just post my comparative ramblings bc I'm on a train and have nothing better to do

In my opinion, one of the best things about Origins is the closeness you develop with your companions. You're with them through massive, formative changes in their lives, you find out about their childhood traumas and the people they've grown up to be, and as a player you make huge decisions that shape their future. By the end I felt so close to these characters. Looking at the main companions:

Alistair? We find out all about his longing for family, for love, his desire not to be defined by his blood and be able to live a normal life. You're both saddled with the responsibility to save the world together, and you do. Depending on the choices you make, he may have the love he longs for, and he may have to be king, you shape his life in a huge way.

Leliana? She literally seeks you out because she's received visions and is on a god-given mission. You literally shape the kind of person she becomes, whether she hardens or softens her heart.

Zevran? This is the most important period in his life. His flight from the Crows, his suicidal intent and then sudden wish to stay alive after all, finding new things to live for, remembering his mother, you save his life in more ways than one.

Morrigan? Literally the first time she's left her abusive mother's side and it's travelling with you. She finds her own ways to live, you give her the jewellery her mother wouldn't allow her, you help her confront her mother and free herself from her. You might literally be the father of her child.

Sten? Also suicidal, and you help him regain his self worth and sense of meaning in life. And you change him. He comes from a society with rigid rules and you help him see other ways of life. If you play as a woman, he's literally confused in the beginning that you're a fighter, and then as you gain his affection he acknowledges and respects you as who you are. He's not romanceable and probably changes the least out if the companions, but still goes through this monumental change of perspective about there being other valid ways of life. Sten should have been romanceable lbr

Oghren? It's super unfortunate how comic relief he is BECAUSE his story is so intense. The woman he loves disappeared! He's an alcoholic! He's so tied into the MAIN QUEST! He's tragic! You're with him through this massive thing he goes through and it really sucks that he can't really... change. You can't really help him. But even so, the events of the game are monumental to his life.

The Secret Companion is self-explanatory. You completely re-shape his life.

And in comparison, the companions in Inquisition are just WILDLY hit or miss. Some of them you become incredibly close to, others are just kinda there. Oh we're saving the world together? Just another day at the office babey. You don't really get to know them that deeply, you don't get to change their views, they're just there and you work together and then they go on their way. I'm of course talking mainly about Vivienne and Sera.

It's insane to me that Vivienne is this incredibly complex character who is the way she is because she grew up traumatized in an oppressive environment and you never get to talk to her about this. It's hidden in a few comments Cole may or may not drop if you travel with both of them. Her polished demeanor and ever-present smile? Learned in the Circle to demonstrate to templars that she was good, obedient, and non-possessed. Her materialism? When she met the duke, the thought in her head was I will never go hungry again.

Vivienne is TRAGIC. She's a deeply traumatized woman who has lived all her life in a system that did not grant her basic security, and she was strong and smart enough to gather power in the only ways she was allowed to. And you can't even talk to her about this. Her personal quest is some weird red herring bullshit meant to make you question whether she's a villain, comparing her to the evil queen from Snow White, and then it's just... her boyfriend dying. You can't change anything. You can barely talk to her about this relationship - it must have been a mix of love and practicality, a connection that gave her both tenderness and influence, the only power she was allowed to have. And it IS an injustice that she could never have married him! But you can't talk to her about this. Can't influence her viewpoint at all. All this complexity is hidden in subtext, and Vivienne does not change as a person at all.

Vivienne is outwardly cold towards Cole, dismissive, pragmatic, cruel. If Cole becomes more human, he points out to her that she secretly worried about him and is glad he's safe. She denies it. This is the only complexity she's allowed to show, hidden in random banter most players will never hear.

Why are we not allowed to be close to Vivienne? Why can't we talk to her? Explore who she is? Why does it feel like it literally does not matter whether we touch her life at all?

I've seen people claim that the fandom neglects Vivienne unfairly, but this was the WRITERS. They neglected Vivienne. They made it impossible to be close to her, they hid her complexity while just having her be straight-up rude for most of the game. This was a huge failure on the part of the writers. I've heard that her main writer said on twitter (DA writers should not be allowed to tweet) that he just didn't like her and that makes me so mad. Fucking video game writers...

And Sera. Oh, Sera.

She's annoying. Her jokes are painfully unfunny. It's super hard to get her to like you. Whenever you talk to her, the first option is to kick her out of the Inquisition. Why on EARTH did they write her this way?

Her personal quest is nothing. You go meet some guy, kill him, over. What does this MEAN??? What does this mean for Sera's character?? It's so fully useless, you learn nothing new, you don't get closer to Sera, who the fuck wrote this and why was this published.

And just like with Vivienne, you barely get to talk to Sera. She runs around with a huge case of internalized elf racism and you never get to talk about it. She literally won't put on armour marked as "elves only", what's up with that girl? She openly looks down on elves to the point of being annoyed to even talk to an elf Inquisitor, why can we never talk to her about this?

She's supposed to be from Denerim. Is she from the Alienage? The close-knit community Tabris is from? Does she know Tabris? She might literally know the Hero of Ferelden and it's never a topic of conversation. She would have been like, a young teenager at the time when the Alienage was suffering a plague and elves were being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Was this not a formative experience for her? Was she not there? Did she not live in the Alienage? Well all of Denerim became a war zone during the Blight, was that not a notable event in her life????

Why do we not get to explore anything that makes her the dismissive, flighty person she is?

Playing in German, there is fascinating ambiguity in the graveyard of your companion's fears that you find in the Fade - Sera's greatest fear is "nothing". In German, the word for the Fade is "the Nothing". I thought it made so much sense that that would be her greatest fear! She's afraid of anything involving magic and spirits, and it adds a nice metaphorical level to her rejection of anything elven: elves are supposed to be inherently connected to the Fade, but she's afraid of the Fade! Comments she makes seem to imply that she has a suppressed sensitivity to spirits, but either Solas or Cole suggesting that that might be the case clearly terrifies her.

Well, imagine my disappointment when I found out that in the original English, her fear is just "nothing". Which is bullshit too, Sera is clearly afraid of of anything Fade-related. I guess it might be some idea of how she's afraid of quiet and non-existence, but like... what a missed opportunity. What a dumb thing to be her greatest fear. What a missed opportunity.

And just like Vivienne, it doesn't feel like you really impact her life at all. Sera just comes and goes, she does her own thing, and she never unpacks any of her issues. Why was she written this way? Why did they think this would be a compelling companion experience? And for fuck's sake, who thought she was funny?

This rant is already way too long and I'm almost off the train so I won't write a full comparison to the Inquisition companions who were done well, but like, it's obvious. For some of them you touch their lives intimately, you shape their worlds, you actually feel close to them by the end of the game. How the fuck did this game get shipped with Vivi and Sera like that.

It's been 10 years and I hope the developers learned from their mistakes, if they noticed them in between sucking their own dicks on twitter.

[conditioned-to-obey]

Sir, gotta share with someone and was hoping it'd be okay to share this with you. I went to my first lesson at a dungeon about bdsm, and learned I really like receiving impact play, specifically floggers, paddles, and spanking on my bottom. Didn't know that before today, also curious to get tied up, never been tied before and the dungeon has a specific rigger that does stuff for newbies to bdsm.

That sounds wonderful, doll. New experiences and exploration in a safe controlled environment where you feel comfortable is worth it's weight in gold. I will always remember my first times in that regard as well. Not only doing, but being tied up as well.

Rope, Shibari, and bondage can invoke such a unique sense of calm and quiet of the mind. It's truly a beautiful art. The process of tying and maneuvering some one into various vulnerable positions and through different variations. It can be incredibly fun and intimate.

Good job being open to trying new things. Learning ones self better can only work to enhance your understanding of your own pleasure, body and safe limits.

[glitterguts13]

Do you have any favourite of hcs (any kind) of aventurine?

Oh, I have so much to say about Aventurine it's not even funny, so here comes a jumbled mix of thoughts.

TW: topics of slavery, self-harm, sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Please read with caution!

Aventurine struggles with genuine physical and emotional intimacy. Having been used, abused, and tortured all this life, mentally, sexually, and physically, he's grown to learn that people are to be kept at arm's length the whole time.

Because of this, Aventurine became very hyper-sexual to deal with the trauma. To him, if he starts it and stays in control, he can't be hurt. This isn't true at all, but it's the only way he knows how to handle people who start getting touchy with him because saying 'no' never worked in the past.

If someone does manage to break down his walls and form a genuine emotional bond with him...he really doesn't know what to do. He showers his partners with gifts and money, is extremely sex driven, and doesn't have any consideration for his own well-being. He's so worried about losing them, that he gives too much.

Aventurine doesn't know how to ask for things he wants. In the sense, he doesn't know how to say "Please, just hold my hand." or "Will you brush my hair?" These simple little acts of love that he desperately craves, but can't ask for because he's worried he's being needy.

For fucks sake just hold this man and remind him that his worth isn't tied to his wealth or his body.

The hand that trembles, hold it tightly and press it to your lips. He'll fall to pieces.

Aventurine is torn between desperately wanting a family and being terrified of having one. He wants a partner, children, and a home to come back to that's filled with love, warmth, and laughter...but he knows how quickly he could lose it, and just how big a target is painted on his back. It keeps him up at night, debating back and forth on if he should pursue his desire or leave it to rot like the rest of his dreams.

Topaz is the closest thing to a 'friend' he has inside of the IPC. While they're hardly besties, she's at least someone he can relax around and share a few drinks with. She's not given him any reason to distrust her, but I don't think he would ever fully rely on her either.

Has played his fair share of Russian Roulette, and leaves disappointed each time he wins.

Also, are we all just going to ignore that little tidbit where they mention he was strapped to an electric chair?? I can't even begin to imagine how that fucked him up both mentally and physically.

That being said, Aventurine has a lot of self-harm and pain-seeking tendencies. I won't go into details, but when he gets low, his mind begins to spiral and he has to find something to snap him out of it or else it just gets worse and worse until he's ready to make sure that gun is fully loaded.

He's grown better about it over the years, but he will never fully be able to heal and recover. Especially not as long as he's in the hands of the IPC. Ratio is the only one who catches wind of Aventurine's self-harming tendencies, but he doesn't have a clue on how to help him, so he keeps quiet.

The brand on his neck is a source of contention. He has the money to have it removed and covered up. He hates to see it, but in the same breath, he's almost afraid to lose it. If he does, will he lose sight of his past? Where he came from? He isn't ashamed of his past, but he also doesn't like the very clear reminder of it either. Jade makes passion comments on it often, and it makes his stomach twist everytime.

Donates obscene amounts of money to children in need. He will never let a child suffer, and while he clearly can't dismantle the entire fucked up system set in place, he's bought the contracts of many child slaves and freed them anonymously. He wants to save them all, but it just isn't possible, and it's one more thing that keeps him awake at night.

[ingravinoveritas]

Have you seen AL's latest insta story? sure, it would even be cute... if she didn't set a trend of subtly (not so subtly) commenting on his looks.

also idk if you hadn't seen this one from November 16th:

(yes it looks like his handwriting) random thoughts:

"I think he likes me" tee-hee? Much need for validation?

gurl, going without a phone for a week? seriously? how? why?

... How did you even post, if you're phoneless? or did you wait to have one, to stage this pic?

maybe it's me, but sharing such an intimate note seems *just a bit* in bad taste.

Am I being too petty? Maybe. Whatever.

(Finally getting around to answering more Asks, so thank you all for being so patient!) @artificial-indulgence No, I don't think you are being petty at all. I'm really very tired of Anna's posts as of late, and all of the above is certainly no exception.

I think it's worth noting that she posted that picture with Bernard (and all of the pictures from her Insta story) in a separate post, because apparently she didn't get enough attention, and the picture of Michael and David was dead last in the post. Which seems fitting, given that the caption on the post was a "A weekend of vanity and insanity" and the first few pictures were of her, suggesting that she was using the picture of Michael and David to get more traction for her own pictures.

This ties into your comment, @longingtolinger-blog, because she did indeed post that story calling herself a "vain twat" just earlier in the same day as the story with the pic of Michael and David:

And I had the same thought, that it seemed as if she was trying to be self-deprecating, but it just...didn't land? It came across as awkward, mostly because vanity/being vain isn't really something to brag about. Do we all have moments of being vain? Of course. But Anna seems to be making it part of her personality, and it's just...not cute. Also, in the same way as Michael calling David his lover, you generally don't refer to yourself as a "vain twat" if you don't want people to think that you're a vain twat.

That said, I did see AL's Insta story from the 16th, and nearly three weeks later, it still doesn't make sense. As you said, how did she post this without a phone? Or, as we could infer, does this mean she got that note sometime earlier in the week, and waited at least several days just to stage this picture? Also, with two little kids around, how does it make sense for her to not even have a backup phone? We could certainly assume that she did, but the story above would suggest otherwise, since Michael had to email her (which is, for the record, about the least romantic correspondence imaginable). Let's also remember that on the 16th, Michael was still in the middle of being virulently attacked on Twitter after the events of October 30th, and Anna had plenty of opportunities to defend him. To say something like, "Michael's a great guy, he does a lot of charity work, he doesn't deserve to be attacked like this." Instead, it was all about her and what she gets from him. In fact, the week prior to the 16th, she posted another Insta story of flowers that he supposedly sent her, with that song "My Love Mine All Mine" in the story, thereby doubling down on bragging about him getting her things while saying nothing about him as an actual person.

Going back to the first story above, we know that Michael has previously been affectionately compared to the Tennants' dog Bernard (and David to their other dog, Myrtle). But as you said, given AL's history of making snarky comments about Michael's appearance, it feels a lot less affectionate and a lot more unkind coming from her. What surprised me about her Insta story the most, however, was how not surprising it was, as that story is actually not the first time Anna has "joked" about leaving Michael. And given that that seems to be an enjoyed pastime of hers, it almost seems like they would both be happier and better off if she actually did leave him.

It somehow becomes worse when we see this exchange, which took place on Twitter yesterday:

(Maybe she should get a refund, since she seems pretty unsatisfied with what she's got...)

Again, I would have no problem saying that this was just teasing or ribbing or whatever if it weren't for literally everything else in this post, plus what I've also talked about on my blog previously. But complaining about Michael like this publicly makes her come across as so damn rude and ungrateful. Contrast this with David "complaining" about Michael and it only makes the difference even more stark: That with David, there's a mutual respect and affection and reciprocation, which we do not at all ever see Michael do with her. And I can't help but think that if their relationship is as great as she would like everyone to believe, she wouldn't be on Twitter going back and forth with fans just to get that validation, as you mentioned.

Those are pretty much my thoughts on AL's posts/stories from the last month. It's interesting to me that more people seem to be noticing the weirdness of all this, and I appreciate both of you writing in. And as always, glad to hear from my followers about what you all think...

[rageagainstmymachine]

Kinktober 2023 | Edward Richtofen/ F! Reader | Fic 8

Self Pleasure

Words: 3,454

Tags: Masturbation, assisted masturbation, cum drinking

The fight was rough today. Being in the freezing alps of Austria did nothing to help your skills, and the food situation was keeping you on edge. You've been surviving on some deer meat Dempsey was able to kill, but the meat was running low, and so rations have been smaller and more spread out for a few days now. You were hungry.

The thought of what would y'all do if worse comes to worst has crossed your mind, you won't lie, you've thought about who would be tastiest to eat. It was a fleeting thought, you promise, and you really haven't given it much thought...

but it would probably be Nikolai. Big man means more meat. Tender meat too, if it’s grilled like a brisket. But, he would be harder to kill, he would give you a good fight. They all would, they're soldiers... except Edward. He's not a soldier. Not as much meat there but Dempsey and Nikolai could overpower him... Now would he be tasty?

"Dempsey, if you had to eat someone-"

"Probably you." The marine answered before you could get the entire question out.

You crossed your arms, giving him a baffled look. "Me? Why me?"

"You're weak as hell compared to the rest of us. Easy kill." Dempsey said, smirking at your annoyed face.

You huffed and readjusted your crossed arms, looking away from him. "I'm not that weak." You're not mad that he's thought about it, because you have too. You're just annoyed that he has the audacity to not lie to your face.

"You wouldn't get as much meat from me than you would from Nikolai." You argued, trying to save yourself in this scenario. "Wouldn't the fight be worth it if it meant more meat?"

"Yeah but I could take you down in a heartbeat. I wouldn't want to risk getting tired out."

"I'm not THAT weak!"

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

"What if we team up and eat Edward?" You say, looking over at your lover, who is currently looking through the window of the castle, staring off into the distance. "I'm sure he would forgive me."

Dempsey didn't even have to think before he furiously shook his head, a grimace finding his face. "Hell no! His meat is probably cursed or something. With all the voodoo that follows him I wouldn't be surprised." He said, before giving a look over to the scientist, eyebrows still furrowed. "I'm afraid if I even consume a bite of him I would turn into him."

"That's ridiculous." You laughed. "He's not contagious."

"We don't know that!" He pointed at you, narrowing his eyes.

"Fine. We're eating Nikolai then."

Just as you finalized it, the main doors slammed open, getting your attention. Speak of the devil. The Russian had been gone for a few hours, and you had wondered what he had been up to, but now it seemed that he was back, and was carrying something.

"We shall feast!" He yelled, happily. He was holding a large deer carcass across both shoulders, as well as two rabbits and a whole chicken tied to his belt. It only made sense that the man who grew up in these conditions would have a better time finding food in the snowy mountains than the rest of you, and with Nikolai's skills, the amount of food that the deer and the rabbits would provide should keep you fed for a good while.

Dempsey turned to you, a pointed glare on his face. "This is why we are eating you and not Nikolai. He's actually useful." Dempsey got up and walked with Nikolai outside, no doubt to help skin the animals. You happily jumped up to get the cooking supplies ready.

You were whistling a tune as you got the firepit ready, going outside to get firewood wasn't pleasant with the nipping cold but at this point you couldn't care less. You were going to get a filling hot meal! You shuffled in, carrying a few pieces of firewood, chastising yourself that you couldn't carry more at a time. Damn, maybe you were as weak as Dempsey said...

"Here let me take these." Edward offered, taking the pile from your arms and walking them to the firepit. He waved at you to stay there while he went outside to get more wood, able to carry much more than you. In the meantime you got the pot and filled it with snow, intending to boil it down to sterilized water to make the stew with. You only had a few cans left of vegetables, but this was better than nothing, and the meat would be the real star of this show.

As you waited for the water to boil, Edward came back in with another armful of firewood, stacking them into a pile by the pit. "I think that's enough, yes?" He asked, hands on his hips as he looked at the wood.

"Looks like it." You smile, watching as the small flames devoured more and more wood under the pot. "I'm really glad Nikolai was able to come in clutch like this. I was getting so delirious from hunger I was contemplating how you would taste."

Edward gave a light chuckle, shaking his head in amusement. "I would be offended if I didn't have the same thought about you."

You looked at him, feigning hurt. "So everyone's first cannibalistic choice is me? Unbelievable..." You mutter, hiding your smile by becoming too interested in the slowly melting snow. "I now know to keep an eye on you and Dempsey if we start running out of food again."

"Mein liebe, it was only a fleeting thought, truly the better meal would be Nikolai." Edward reasoned, smiling as you shook your head. He then cocked his eye at you, thinking more of what you just said. "Dempsey thought about eating you?"

"I mean, he wasn't foaming at the mouth about it, but I did ask who he would eat if it came to it... tried to get him on my side to agree we eat you but, no dice." You explained, chuckling at the end.

"oh ja? I assumed he would jump at the chance to kill me. Why am I not the first choice?"

"He's scared that your meat is cursed and he'll turn into you." You say, laughing.

Edward rolls his eyes, a smirk on his face. "Gut, let him think that if it keeps me safe from his grubby little fingers." He grimaced. Edward grabbed one can from the table and grabbed his pocket knife, using the can opener on it. "How come Dempsey und Takeo are safe from being eaten? You didn't mention eating either of them."

"Dempsey because one bite of him would probably clog all of my arteries and Takeo because I'm afraid the emperor himself will show up and... I don't know, make me atone for my sins or something." You say idly, stirring the half melted snow to hurry along the process. "Also I am not going to fuck around and find out with a samurai." You added, making a gesture with your free hand, as if swinging a sword. 

"Well lucky our gut und gracious Nikolai has fetched us some food. So we should not have to worry about it, ja?" Edward says. "Also I cannot stand to see Takeo silently starve another day. I respect him, aber... there is truly something wrong with that man. I have not heard him complain once. Es ist unnerving."

Edward was really one to talk, he would definitely be crowed man with most wrong with him if there was a vote. But, you couldn't deny the point he was making, the Japanese man had yet to show any sign of distress from the lack of food. You have seen him take the smallest portions without a word, and eat them silently, no sign of any emotion. Still, it was funny to hear Richtofen call someone else unnerving.

Soon enough, Nikolai and Dempsey were back with a pile of skinned and cleaned meat, as well as some organs that were also edible. Nikolai was visibly happy that some of the innards could be cooked and eaten too. With all the meat and organs, the stew would be plentiful.

The meat, innards and giblets were soon in the pot, and later on the vegetables. You used the last of the seasoning you have been hoarding on this meal, determined to truly feast like Nikolai exclaimed. It was unfortunate that you didn't have fresh coffee grounds, though. After much debating, Dempsey settling on using the already used grounds once more because it was better than nothing. It made weak coffee, but at least you could faintly tell you were drinking coffee.

It wasn't long after when the food was finished, and the group was gathered around the fire, each having a bowl in their hands and a spoon in the other. None of you had any manners as you wolfed down the warm, delicious meat, savoring every bite. You had never tasted anything so amazing in your life, it was truly heavenly. Even Takeo ate with less decorum than normal, the delicious meat must have taken over his senses.

After you were done eating, the bowls were left to the side as the group lounged by the fire, stomachs full and bodies warmed by the flames. You were laying against Edward's shoulder, the German's arm resting over yours, and his hand playing with the hem of your sleeve. One by one, the group started to retire to the rooms and nooks they've claimed, leaving you alone to clean up. You didn't mind, it gave you time to relax alone. Edward had tried to coax you to bed, but you told him to go ahead without you.

You felt tired and accomplished once everything was cleaned, and all the food was put away. You had placed the remaining meat outside so it would be preserved and kept. Dempsey would probably make jerky out of most of it tomorrow. You were humming a tune, looking at the stars as you made your way back inside, the warmth of the castle welcoming you as you closed the door.

You walked through the hallways, looking up at the paintings and artifacts that were on display. It was a shame that most of it was damaged, Richtofen had told you a lot of this castle and how he had been there before when he was a less important scientist. Now the paintings were ripped, the furniture was ruined and the entire place cold and barren, a stark difference from what he had described.

You made your way to the room Richtofen had claimed, a room he had mentioned belonged to Samantha many years ago. He had wished to be in the room he once stayed in, but with the damage the walls have suffered and the zero privacy, he had deemed the room unfit to sleep in. He had worked on fixing makeshift doors in the open doorways, and at this moment you were grateful for his craving for privacy. You felt the same way.

You opened the door as quietly as you could, hoping not to disturb your lover. The room was dark, the only light coming from a burning candle on the desk opposite from the bed. Edward was laying already - you could barely make him out, but it was him. He was on his back; small, curious noises escaped him as something rhythmically moved under the cover of darkness. You couldn't help but smirk, closing the door behind you, the click of the handle making the German jump slightly. He quickly snapped his eyes over to you, pulling the blanket over his lap. It was obvious he was doing exactly what you thought he was doing.

"And you didn't even wait for me?" You ask, crossing your arms. The alarm was still painted on his face, morphing into embarrassment.

"Scheiße..." Richtofen muttered, turning his head away from you. " I didn't know how long you were going to take."

Edward's face was flushed, you could tell even in the low light. His grip on the blanket tightened, as if he wanted to pull it off of himself but was fighting the urge, while his other hand was under the blanket, and you were willing to bet a lot that it was wrapped around his cock. He was breathing hard, and he looked so pretty in this light. He seemed to squirm in your silence, finding the need to fill it himself.

"I've been so stressed lately, so... tense. Haven't had any... release in days because of the food situation. Didn't want to use more energy than necessary..." He admitted, the grip on the blanket relaxing.

You hummed, taking a step forward, a smile forming on your face. "You must be really pent up then. What were you thinking about?"

Richtofen licked his lips, turning his head back to you, his eyes meeting yours. "Du. Always you." He said, his voice almost sounding needy.

You found you way over to the bed, crawling onto the soft mattress next to him, placing a hand on his clothed chest. "Is that so?"

Edward nodded, his hand still under the covers, unmoving.

You leaned down and placed a kiss to his lips, his body instinctively moving closer to you. You could feel the tension in his shoulders as you trailed a hand over them, your hand going to the back of his neck, keeping him in place as you deepened the kiss, his tongue finding yours. You pulled back and he followed, a whine leaving him.

"Why don't you give me a little show?" You whispered, your breath tickling his ear.

Edward groaned at the suggestion. A suggestion in which you knew drove him wild. Little bits and pieces of his desires would come to light each time you made love to him, you had figured he had some exhibitionist traits, but this is what confirmed it. He wanted to be watched, and you would indulge him.

He slowly lifted the covers off of himself, revealing his erection. His pants were shoved down just to his mid thighs, His button up twisted to the side as evidence of his hurried actions. He was gripping his cock, the tip flushed red, precum glistening from the candle light. You bit your lip, looking back up to meet his eyes, his expression lustful. You could see it much better now that your eyes have adjusted to the low light.

Edward slowly moved his hand up his shaft, his fingers squeezing lightly, a quiet gasp escaping him. He was slow, dragging out the motions, his hips bucking every now and then, wanting more. His eyes stayed on you, not once breaking contact.

You placed a hand on his thigh, running it up his leg, your hand wrapping around his, guiding it along his cock. You squeezed tighter, adjusting his grip. Edward was biting his lip, small moans escaping him with every stroke. He let you control his actions, his hand all but limp as you basically used it as a toy to stroke him with. He was beautiful like this, and he was yours.

You stroked him a few more times like this, teasing him with his own hand. His calloused fingers weren’t the same as your smooth ones, but you controlling him was almost as good. Almost.

"Show me how you like to be touched." You whisper, letting your hand fall away. "How do you please yourself when I'm not around?"

Richtofen swallowed a groan, his hips rocking as his hand worked his cock. He twisted his wrist each time he got to the head, his thumb pressing against his slit. His breathing was ragged, and his body was writhing, his legs trembling. His free hand fisted the sheets, gripping them tight.

"You fuck yourself so well, herr doctor" You cooed, kissing the side of his neck, biting his collarbone, the skin not hidden by his collar. He was making such lovely sounds, and the noises he was making were making you ache between your legs. "Now tell me what you fantasize about." You demand, wanting to know and see every little detail.

"Ich..." He breathed, his voice shaky and low. He was getting close, and you couldn't have that.

"Stop." You demanded, taking his wrist and pulling his hand off of his cock. Edward made a pitiful whine, his hips bucking in search of any friction, but finding none. You could see his eyes were glassy and half lidded, his pupils blown wide, a pleading look on his face. "Use your other hand." You instructed, letting go of the limb.

He looked at his left hand timidly, he was unpracticed with that hand, his right being his go-to. "But..." He started, his fingers flexing as if he were thinking about what he could possibly do.

"It's either that hand, or no hands at all." You warned. "I won't repeat myself again, Richtofen."

Edward nodded, moving his left hand to his cock, his fingers curling around the base, slowly dragging it up. It felt wrong, uncoordinated. He let his fingers tease the tip, a shiver running through his body, his legs twitching. He could only imagine how awkward he looked. It's like he couldn't get a good grip. It was infuriating- exactly what you wanted.

"You look frustrated." You commented, watching as his movements were jerky and unsure. He could hear the teasing tone in your voice.

"Scheiße, it feels wrong." He admitted, his cock twitching against his fingers, his hips bucking.

"You poor thing. Fine. I'll help." Your hand once again wrap around his, helping him pump his shaft. With your help it was much more pleasurable, the rhythm was set, his hips rolling with it. He was letting out a moan each time the head of his cock was rubbed.

"Does that feel good?" You whisper in his ear, moving your hand from his to solely focus on the tip. Your thumb stroked fast, tight circles against his frenulum, the action making him cry out and his back arch. You loved hearing the noises he was making. He was so desperate. The only words he could get out were strings of German curses and your name. He was close, you could tell.

"Are you going to cum? Are you going to spill over my hand, make a mess of yourself?" You ask, feeling the throb of his cock.

Edward couldn't speak, he was panting, his voice too strained, his mind hazy. He was too fucked out. He could only nod, his legs shaking as he thrust his hips up, wanting more. His left hand worked the base of his shaft, with messier strokes than you've seen thus far. He was a complete wreck, and he looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Then cum for me." You say, moving down his body, "Let me eat you right up." You wrapped your mouth around the tip of his cock, sucking on it, your tongue teasing the slit, flicking over the sensitive flesh.

That was all it took. With a strangled cry, Edward's body went rigid, his hips bucking upwards into the warmth of your mouth, the muscles in his legs spasming as he came, his cum spilling over your tongue. You moaned, taking everything he gave you. His hips were bucking as his orgasm ran its course, the hand on his cock pumping himself through his release. He filled your mouth, and you swallowed every drop, not spilling a single thing.

Edward's body went slack against the mattress, his breathing hard and shallow, his eyes fluttering closed. He was completely exhausted, and you could tell. He was covered in sweat, his hair disheveled and stuck to his forehead. The German was a sight for sore eyes, and you couldn't help but kiss him. He kissed back, his arms weakly wrapping around you, his lips lazily moving against yours. It was slow, and full of passion.

You pulled back, looking down at him, his eyes slowly opening, a lazy smile on his face.

"I'm so glad I got to feast today." You tell him, the double meaning hanging in the air.

“I couldn’t let my frauchen go hungry.” He murmured. His breathing was slow and even, any and all stress leaving his body. He weakly pulled you to his chest, kissing the top of your head. "Lieb' dich." He mumbled, already falling asleep.

"I love you too." You whispered back, knowing he probably didn't hear you. The candle burned out, the room was now bathed in darkness, the only sound was the howling wind outside.

You were happy.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

hey reid, hope you don't mind if i come for some advice, i love your blog and it has motivated me to pursue my academic goals.

i'm currently in my first semester of my graduate program and while i like my peers, professors and everything i can't help but feel crushingly depressed and alone lol. i'm managing grad work fine (i think) but my advisor will check in on how i'm doing overall and i don't think i can really say i've mentally been in a bad place if it's even relevant to bring up. i don't want it to get to the point of it affecting my work, though i don't want to be dishonest.

Okay, so the good news and the bad news is that what you're experiencing is a totally normal part of grad school. Everyone goes through this to a certain degree. You've just moved to a new place and started a massively imposing endeavor—it makes sense that you're lonely and depressed. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.

Also, you said it yourself: you're in your first semester of your graduate program! Nobody is expecting you to have done anything monumental yet. Walk before you try to run. If you can go to a conference and apply for some funding by the end of the year, I would call that a win.

I bet you're probably used to being in the top of your undergraduate classes, and now in grad school you're thrown in with a bunch of other people who were also overachievers. It's intimidating. There's the temptation to look around at your peers and feel inadequate. Do not let yourself do this. That way, madness lies. I guarantee you that everyone else around you is feeling a similar panic about what they haven't done.

I would actually encourage you to talk with your advisor. You don't have to open up about your feelings. Instead, frame it around what you hope to accomplish, and check to see if they think that's reasonable. Last year around this time (when I was in my first semester) I sat down my advisor and we sketched out a rough two year plan. That included what classes I was going to take each semester, how I would spend my time in the summer, and opportunities I wanted to go after. If that kind of structure might help you, definitely do something similar.

Now here's my one piece of absolutely critical advice: you must find something that affirms your sense of self your outside of school. For me, it's volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters. One of my friends takes dance classes. Another does community organizing. Cooking. Roller derby. Anything that you can enjoy. The benefits to these sorts of activities are twofold.

First, they give you something to feel good about even when you're struggling academically. If your whole life is tied up in one thing, it can feel like the end of the world when you hit a rough patch. Spread your eggs out into other baskets. This is a form of self care.

Second, these activities introduce you to other people. A big part of making friends is just showing up at the same place as other people, and continuing to spend time with them. Grad school makes that difficult, but I promise you, your life will be so much better if you carve out some time for yourself.

Doing things with other students is also good! I took a bunch of my cohort to hockey games last year, and I'm planning on doing the same thing again. It can be a craft night, or a potluck—whatever you want. Build up some camaraderie! You don't have to be best friends with your fellow students, but it helps to have a friendly face around the department.

The thing about grad school is that you gotta spark your own joy, otherwise it'll eat you alive. Pull your nose back from the grindstone, take a breath, and do something to remind yourself that the world is beautiful and life is worth living.

-Reid

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

I think my biggest complaint about the series, Fionna and Cake, was that up till episode 8, they were doing a pretty good job of laying out all the pieces, but then!

it just completely misses one of the problems it does a pretty good job of laying out. it points out that Simon is inattentive - blind. But Simon's not blind because he doesn't care! Simon's blind because he cares too much - he's quick to jump to conclusions - he's trapped in his own head! no crown required

ive said it before and ill say it again: he romanticizes his past so he makes his present look hopeless, he cant talk to Marcy because he just believes that his troubles aren't worth her attention - he's unable to see past his own opinions to like maybe think, Marcy loves him and would love to help him, that his opinion of being a burden is not in fact a shared opinion - its not a fact, period

it's not a matter of "think of Marcy" as in do it for her sake, it's a matter of "think of Marcy" as in would she really say that or are you putting words in her mouth - like simon, maybe your mental image of Marcy's a little OOC, bud

it shares a root with Simon thinking everything is great with Betty when it wasnt, Simon thinking everything is awful when it doesnt have to be

Which never gets addressed! By pointing out his blindness, we only got to one half of the problem!

The series just never ties up what it started

Here's Winter King, where Simon gets a good look of himself from the outside view, and see how his myopic perspective can be taken to dreadful extremes

And then, we see the love story from Simon's perspective and we notice Fionna pointing out all of Simon's blindspots

and then! He just... He never connects the dots. that maybe hes a little... self absorbed and his self loathing is masquerading as sense and logic when its not! its just self loathing! Even worse, he never even starts to, and it doesnt get included in the big spoonfeeding at the end of the series!!

which just reveals bigger faults within the story!!

Like, never giving Simon space to reflect explodes in the audience's faces when the story has to infodump at the last second!

that reveals that they should have started simon's journey to realization earlier especially when thr narrative already put the pieces there! Now its so obviois that any time he could have been spent spinning his little mental wheel, he spent trying to survive his road trip across the multiverse

it did his character disservice because by pushing all of his ability to reflect in a single episode, and spamming the exposition, it made simon look real stupid, and moreover never explores the issue fully!

everything casper and nova said could have been said earlier and better and not in the form of a kid's story, because by simplifying the issue - or dumbing it down - then the issue's nuances and complexities get lost in translation

yeah, thats very easy to misinterpret actually!!! especially when casper and nova doesnt even cover the whole problem!! (and look i get it, some audiences need it to be spelled out but really, a children's choose your own adventure??? that was the narrative tool to use here??)

[illegiblewords]

Discussing the sex lives of wizards in the name of psychology under the cut! BG3, warning for discussion of suicide and mental health issues.

Man, analysis of Gale’s sex scene keeps getting waved under my nose with the notion that if you don’t go with Weave you’ve done something wrong. I addressed it already but like.

1) One of the popular arguments is that Gale is magic, magic is Gale, you might as well forbid an artist from painting. One could argue that particular mentality is a huge part of why Gale having issues. I said it before but like—speaking from having been there IRL with writing and editing. As a creative, you don’t lose your entire medium if you take time to focus on acknowledging your self-worth and those who love you without the medium. It’s actually insanely important to be able to do that imo. Not making the first sexual encounter be through magic doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen or is an inferior thing generally. I think emphasizing it as a first encounter and not a last one is a huge deal. It’s also a big step beyond what Gale expects for himself at that point.

The reality Gale had resigned himself to, that he was terrified of, involved obeying Mystra even if she ordered him to kill himself. Her love and his worth are conditional upon how well he can please her. Gale’s ‘comfort zone’ of performing acts of service specifically to retain worth is actively harmful to him and is part of what he was conditioned to accept through abuse. Even in Act III he can struggle with the idea that he is not defined by Mystra’s expectations of him. Like Shadowheart, stepping into choices beyond the will of his goddess is almost unfathomable. It’s still really important to recognize there are other possibilities.

2) There’s a dev note about Gale bowing to the player’s preference if the player opts for non-magical sex. I want to pose for your consideration as a comparison—is it better to farm Astarion’s approval by staying in his comfort zone/sense of the familiar (cruelty, violence) when those things are maladaptive? It comes out a lot through the game that an overwhelming amount of his behavior ties to coping mechanisms that helped him survive with Cazador, but it’s extremely unhealthy outside of that scenario.

All of the companions have trauma caused by abuse. All of them have some measure of mental health issues at work tied to that. And the thing with mental illness linked to trauma is, that person’s brain is doing the best it can to protect them from threats. When the threat is no longer present and they have room to seek health + stability, those coping mechanisms may become a hindrance instead. For Gale, he’s struggled with severe isolation and self-esteem problems to the point that he’s convinced that without magic or unique acts of service he shouldn’t be alive. Mystra has reinforced this. I pose the threat to him (by his perception) has been worthlessness and abandonment. His defense became to make himself irreplaceably valuable through his abilities so he has a concrete defense against those threats. Gale is still learning to adapt to healthy relationships that aren’t with Mystra, where he isn’t being framed as expendable.

Another thing I want to raise for consideration is that there’s a pattern common to people preparing to kill themselves. This involves wrapping up unfinished business, giving away belongings, basically saying good-bye. Gale starts the ‘last night’ scene with that exact intent and mindset. He is planning to die. A player insisting against suicide is not wronging Gale. A player interacting with Gale outside his trauma to offer a different, more stable lifeline than ‘worth through abilities and offerings’ is not doing him a disservice.

Change and recovery can both be fucking scary. You literally have to challenge the way you look at the world, yourself, and other people. For a while you lose all sense of how to judge in that new context. There’s no guarantee the attempt to change will pay off. The idea of trying and failing is scary as hell under those circumstances too because it risks finding hope only for it to be destroyed again. That hurts more than if you've already given up and are braced for further harm.

It’s still important to try though. Living in despair is pretty horrific. I’ll go a step further too to say feeding someone’s mental illness can be a form of abuse. I don’t think taking the Weave-sex option is abusive, but there is some risk of encouraging harmful complexes for Gale depending on interpretation.

The player seeing Gale’s tower, his books, Waterdeep—those are still beautiful things. But he presents them when and how he does because he’s planning to kill himself. I’d argue Gale offers to give as much as he knows how, as well as he knows how, specifically because he’s planning to kill himself. He wants to give the best of himself and his life to his love before he dies. He wants that to mean something to his love. Insisting that suicide is not on the table and that the sex scene is a first time rather than a last is still alien territory for Gale because of how much his sense of possibility has been narrowed. It also involves a radically different perception of relationships for Gale if they aren’t rooted in magic. Of course he’s nervous. What if his partner changes their mind? What if they’re disappointed? What if he says or does the wrong thing? What if he’s clumsy? What if he doesn’t make the encounter everything he wants to say and do only to kill himself after all? What if Gale Dekarios (not Gale of Waterdeep) slips from the world unmourned? What if his only legacy is how he died?

But again, Gale’s partner can insist this isn’t a last encounter. It’s a first. He doesn’t have to do everything right now. He doesn’t have to be running out of time the way he’s believed for over a year.

And by-the-by, sometimes partners do try new things together. Sometimes that involves trepidation. Being nervous isn’t mutually exclusive with consent or even having a good time. Sometimes having existing habits and mentalities challenged can result in growth, improved well-being, and finding new stuff to enjoy. Just gotta be mindful.

Again, Gale’s coping mechanism against the threat of abandonment is acquiring value in what he can uniquely give others. I would argue that for the physical sex scene in particular, there’s an opportunity to give to him instead. This would likely be somewhat beyond his experience and comfort zone given he was expected to impress his goddess through offerings before. Gale has a real fear of being deemed replaceable and discarded if he has nothing unique to provide. Positioned as someone being offered to is foreign for him. And doing it on mundane terms, not as the wizard of Waterdeep but as just Gale—that’s also foreign. Doesn’t make it a bad thing though. Imo it really is a good first step.

3) I’ve seen people get pissed about how the game can imply Gale isn’t great at physical sex. Between the books he reads and his relationship with Mystra, I’m going to suggest it’s possible Mystra was solely dealing with Gale on her terms, in the Weave, non-physically. And I’m also going to suggest that Gale has wanted to do more physically but felt like it was a dirty, ungrateful, mortal thing to want from his goddess. Would explain why he’s not as confident there. The fact that he has a book full of physical sex acts only to leave bodies behind just adds to my suspicion that while he knows he’s very good at Weave-sex, there’s a lot he never got to explore with Mystra regardless of his own interest.

I also really, really think it’s okay if Gale is less experienced with physical sex. No one is born knowing everything. Being able to engage in a safe way (so partner not being an ass about it lol), try new things, and become more familiar through practice could be sweet. No pressure, his partner wants to share this with him. Guy’s clearly a fast and enthusiastic learner anyway. 😉

I’d like to think Gale gets to deal with weird body sounds or moving inelegantly only to find it’s okay to laugh about that stuff. There’s less pressure. He can do things like boop his partner’s nose or make them reach to kiss him. Sex doesn’t always have to be some immaculate, serious affair. It isn’t his last chance. He isn’t being abandoned. He’s personally valued in this relationship.

Characters can have clumsy but heartfelt sex. Characters can have clumsy but charged fight scenes too. Areas of imperfection are part of being alive and there’s room to examine that in storytelling. Not everything needs to be expertly choreographed.

As one last thing, like… the sense I’m getting between discussions is that there’s some conversion contest stuff going on. Trying to put down one sex scene to justify the other schtick. Maybe I fueled that accidentally, dunno. I think some of it probably comes down to different interpretations of characters between fans. For my interpretation, I don’t think Weave-sex would work thematically. Another person’s interpretation might be a different story altogether.

Part of what makes Baldur’s Gate 3 cool imo is how varied the stories that come out of it can be. Which is to say nothing for fans bringing different spins. I might not go with God-Gale and see that iteration as tragic/unheathy. Somebody else might think it’s poetic justice since Mystra is a former mortal who ascended to godhood herself, and God-Gale realizes he is no less worthy than her. There is mutability here imo and I hope this can clarify I really do mean it on varied reads.

[41eb-yuu]

Gazes from Afar

I met a man with whom I have grown to appreciate

Heart bursted in a symphony from a song he initiates

A rhythm turning havoc inside the ensemble of my brain

Yet I only wish to watch through the broken glass stain.

No longer do I wish to chase after the butterflies

Let my stomach acid burn them and kill what electrifies

No longer do I wish to let anything spark within me

I only wish to stay away and be in my own company

No longer shall I swoon and giggle with delight

It is time to shut down any happiness found in his sight.

No future is promised and I shall not take any risk

For the creation of a sand castle can fall in a brisk.

There is no point in pursuing a man of high honor

Lest I let my heart once more fall victim and be a goner

For I've been here before and wish to be a fool no more

Tis better to be longing than to leave my heart sore.

Perhaps it is best to leave everything to the imagination

Of what could be and simply feed into the delusion

One might be happier living life with an empty heart

Rather than let love consume me from the start.

But even through it all the pain and suffering in love

I know I am not a perfect candidate to be someone's dove

My flaws and broken dreams outweigh the best things

Forever chained to the ground by the cupid with wings.

A bundle of anxious attachments with an overactive mind

Consumed in my own thoughts that I simply go blind.

I lose sight of good memories of the past and present

Leaving a self pitying selfish jerk to live in resentment

Insecurities shine through a broken kintusgi pot

Dusted with gold, it shall never be thrown out to rot

Yet there is no worth in dressing up my shortcomings

For there is not enough glue and gold to hide my unbecoming.

I wish upon no one to be vowed to the person I've become.

For in a world full of someones, I only wish to be no one.

I am beaten and broken, nothing left of me but a crumb.

And to the darkness I stare as I slowly succumb.

I've accepted my peace to be seen as someone unloveable.

So I keep my walls up and be perceived as unapproachable.

For no one could ever love the worst parts of me

Other than the person who has lived every memory.

And yet the tug of my heart has only gotten stronger

The butterflies in my stomach have only gotten plentier

You smile my way and I am left to be defenseless

And my brain can only scramble to make sense of the messes.

Your gaze has consumed my soul like a wild fire ablaze

Eyes, whether soft or with furrowed brows, I am amazed.

For the loudest sound around me is the silence you entice

Paired with the quickened pace from my heartbeat's race.

Talent through your veins, your hands a source of magic and wonder

Your rough calloused fingers dance along the strings of your guitar.

Inciting the most gentle of melodies, a show in mastery of your art.

And with such proficiency, you managed to tug at the strings of my heart.

Your being; a person of kindness and hope that is beyond compare.

Albeit mischevious with a hypnotic grin and jokes to spare.

Raised with the morals of God through the hands of your mother.

And growing to be your greatest version: a man of high honor.

Your humanity has no competition, and that goes without question.

Your smile, your gaze; a sight to be amazed with no further discussion.

Your soul is pure in a day and age where this characteristic is quite rare.

Perhaps in due time, I can be worthy of you, but for now: I do, adore.

[godduh]

Dennis Reynolds - Character Analysis as the Fragmenting Self

Please read this disclaimer / introduction post first

Word Count: 1,134 Read Time: 5 minutes

Next on Kohut’s list is the Fragmenting self, which I believe can be best viewed through Dennis. Kohut describes how the act of “fragmenting” is one everyone experiences; after a long period of low self-esteem or exhaustion, it’s likely for anyone to become discoordinated and think negatively about themselves. The difference between the average person and a fragmented individual is that it takes much less to fragment them. For example, we can empathise with the fact that being told by someone close to you that your face looks fat could hurt your feelings, but in Dennis we see him take this hit very personally, taking extreme measures to seek validation and empathy by starving himself to make his face appear thinner.

It’s important to note that while a fragmenting individual will fragment over a small thing, they may only act out emotionally to garner empathy; however, we see over and over how Dennis’ self-worth and self-esteem is heavily tied to his appearance & what those around him think of him, and when he finds he is not perceived as beautifully or as perfectly as he perceives himself, he fragments to a disproportionate extreme.

Kohut goes on to describe how if a fragmented individual is rejected or rebuffed in some way, no matter how minor, they may feel a deep loss of the sense of continuity they feel within themselves. We see how Dennis starts to question his integrity and behaviour when he receives low ratings after his dates in “The Gang Group Dates” (S10E02). He repeatedly tries to justify the low rating, projecting the reasoning onto everyone but himself whilst actively ignoring his terrible behaviour that is garnering the rating, until he sees his own past behaviour of rating his dates reflected in Dee. This brings him to completely question his behaviour and morals and he destroys his sex tapes, which have been a staple for his character for at least 6 seasons at this point in the show, and attempts to garner empathy and validation from a source he knows will give it to him when he asks, regardless of how much he dislikes her: the Waitress.

Upon finding the Waitress empathetic but unable to help, he decides the only way to regain control is to act as if approval no longer means anything to him, but when he finds that Dee, Frank, Mac and Charlie have all also failed in their romantic exploits he regains his footing as he is able to feel like he is above all of their missteps and that he is, once again, better than all of them. Until, of course, Frank reveals he has a 0-star rating, the small, insignificant thing that caused Dennis to fragment in the first place, which causes him to have one final fragmentation (or in this case, breakdown).

Kohut finally denotes that a fragmented individual is likely to have hypochondriacal ideologies about their body; specifically the kind that appear when fragmenting and suddenly disappear when some form of empathy is shown. We see almost the exact opposite behaviour from Dennis; he is completely disillusioned with his health, making completely drastic and unrealistic decisions to keep himself “healthy”. He tells Mac he no longer eats lunch and sometimes not breakfast just to keep himself looking young, and also mentions being incredibly tense all the time as a mechanism that helps his body stay fit. He is completely shocked when the doctor reveals his plethora of health issues, but instead of trying to garner empathy from Mac as Kohut describes, they ultimately decide to eat Chimichangas and buy crack. This is an example of Dennis thinking that by simply believing what he is doing is healthy, it is. He has control, and is, in his eyes, healthier than Mac, meaning he is better than him.

We also see how Dennis begins to behave when he is actually unwell. We are given three examples of Dennis being unwell; in “The Gang Gets Quarantined” (S09E07) we see Dennis actively denying his illness until he seemingly cannot ignore it anymore. We also see him get COVID during the Ireland episodes, but specifically in “The Gang’s Still in Ireland” (S15E06) we see how not only does Dennis vehemently deny his illness, he also begins to lash out at Dee, going as far as attempting to murder her. While we should take this with a grain of salt due to Dennis’ delusional state, we can still see how his first instinct is to push Dee away rather than attempt to garner empathy from her.

We also see him get sick when Mac is poisoning Dennis in “The Gang Chokes” (S14E03), where this behaviour is repeated again. Dennis continues to insist he is healthy and refuses a large amount of the help Mac offers him throughout the episode, however we see a small difference in that Dennis allows himself to be perceived as weak when it directly benefits him; we see him allowing Mac to carry him out of the basketball court, make “protein shakes” for him, and rely on him for information he is completely capable of knowing, such as his own allergies and whether there is to be pollen in the air that particular day. He continues to demean Mac as to not allow Mac to think he has any control over Dennis, and berates him for being so reliant on him despite the fact that he continues to rely on Mac as he gets sicker (by Mac’s hand). I believe Dennis’ lack of hypochondriacal behaviour is likely his need to be in control trumping his urge to gain empathy however possible. It’s interesting to note that Dennis is only shown attempting to gain empathy and help for his illness from Mac; this could easily be a commentary on Dennis and Mac’s codependent behaviour that is repeatedly pointed out throughout the show, further affirmed by his completely opposing behaviour towards Dee in the same circumstance.

While it seems hypocritical to describe Dennis as fragmenting when he shows completing opposing behaviour in his view of his body, we only really see this behaviour in any of the gang in “Charlie Gets C*****d” (S02E01), where we see every member of the gang fake some form of disability for personal gain; while Charlie is the only member who isn’t faking his injury, he still continues to attempt to use it to gain the attention of the women at the strip club, and also tries to increase his sympathetic attention by pretending to also be an army veteran. The concept of fragmenting itself I believe is best illustrated by Dennis’ incredibly fragile self image and need to be perceived as strong, beautiful, desirable and in control by everyone he meets and knows, and his reactions to having this view of himself rebuffed.

Find the other character analyses below:

Charlie - The Understimulated Self Mac - The Overstimulated Self Dee - The Overburdened Self

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Philia 2 for Neira and June

Storge 3 for Noya and Liam

Storge 5 for Kala

(I hope your weekend is going well! c:)

[ask game]

Weekend's been busy but not bad (sans the heat lol), hope yours went well too! :]

Philia 2: Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

Neira: To her surprise, she's better at it than she thought! Jowan was practically Neira's only friend in the Circle for various reasons, and after being conscripted is the first time that she forges connections with such a wide array of people. She is a good listener and respects boundaries and is doing her best to learn, though she does have a sort of. quiet stubbornness when it comes to getting through to people. The part she struggles with is the "i am allowed to gain something in turn" part of friendship, but what are friends for if not for forcibly teaching her this

June: She's... really not great at it, and shies away from even trying for a long time because she is very aware of this fact. June has trouble emphasising with people if she can't directly relate to them in some way, and often isn't good at communicating what she needs, both things that, you know, are important for friendships. The thought of having to Learn how to do it, and worse, the possibility of being rejected regardless is fucking intimidating. So for her finding friends is basically done via vibe check; either they get on from the get-go, or not at all.

She gets better at it though! Throughout Inquisition and after she puts a lot of effort into actually forging and maintaining proper friendships, and hey, it works! :)

Storge 3: How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

Noya: Her parents managed to leave her with a pretty good sense of self-worth, all things considered. Noya used to look up to her mother a lot, so when people told her that she was just like her it made her proud, even if it wasn't always said as a compliment. It did sometimes leave her feeling like she couldn't live up to the image she'd built of Adaia in her head, and things got even more muddled after she died. Eventually it circled back around to giving her confidence though. Cyrion surely played a big part in this, his support did a lot for her self-image. As for approval.. it wasn't exactly for approval and more for the sake of making him happy, but she did agree to the wedding for Cyrion's sake.

Liam: Ahahahah. Well. Intentional or not, both his parents' but especially Leandra's way of raising the kids has strongly tied his sense of self-worth to his ability to care for his loved ones. He is already protective by nature, and living as a family with apostates naturally meant they had to be careful, so protecting the family and his siblings has always been a high priority. Leandra starting to put increased responsibility and blame on him after Malcom's passing obviously didn't help. What would he sacrifice for it? A Lot <3

Storge 5: Is your OC able to love without necessarily needing or expecting reciprocation or reward? Or are all their relationships to some extent transactional? Have they ever loved another person unconditionally, whether a child or another adult?

Kala: Ohh this is an interesting one. For a very long time she believed that everything in life is, in some way, transactional. Nothing is for free. However i would also say that she loved Rica unconditionally. She would have argued that it was still transactional; they were both instrumental to each others' survival, after all. And she would have said that the reason she did not expect anything from Rica in return was because she owed her anyway.

It takes her a long time after getting out of Orzammar to come to appreciate love for its own sake, but at the same time comes to the conclusion that love is never unconditional. She believes that love doesn't form without prior conditions and will not last without them either, even if they are indirect or subconscious.

[larrikin-is-a-himbo]

Thoughts on rewatch of the Batman 2022

"Ave Maria" faintly playing in the background in the beginning. Hadn't noticed that before.

Gotta look fabulous before going to beat the life out of criminals.

This movie does a perfect job of separating Batman and Bruce Wayne. How different those two people are, despite being the same person.

Another aspect I love is that this is the very beginning stages of Batman's journey. He's not the "perfect, no mistakes, flawless detective work" Batman that most movies portray. He's learning, making mistakes, still needs to improve his skills and craft. And since it's the first years and he hasn't been established as an asset to the Gotham PD yet, the officers, rightfully so, *do not* like him which makes a lot of sense than letting him run amok. (Not that that gets any better with time but you feel the difference in how they take Batman's presence.)

"The city's eating itself. Maybe it's beyond saving. But I have to try." SEE that is how you characterise Bruce, hope and endurance in the face of despair.

The narrative parallel between the death of the mayor and his son finding the body, and young Bruce watching his parents being murdered. Oh, it's so good, I'm gonna eat my hand.

Bruce saying he doesn't care what happens to his family's business and all the work they've done, equating his worth to what he does as a vigilante just goes to show how much the trauma and mental anguish has taken over his life, and now the severe depression, suicidal tendencies, even subconsciously just looking for an excuse to not live hits too close to home.

Robert Pattinson's back 😳 (I am a whore, leave me alone)

Batman fucking up the twins will never not be funny.

You've gotta be honest, our edgelord's entrance into Penguin's lair is nothing short of iconic.

I love this version of Penguin so much, he's the right amount of menacing and goofy.

THE FIRST MEETING OF BATCAT. Love-at-first-sight if I've ever seen it.

I fucking LOVE seeing Catwoman in action.

If I don't meet my S/O with us having a 1v1 and them manhandling me, what even is the point of it all.

Selina and Bruce's socio-economic background play such a big role in their reasons and aspirations to be heroes (or vigilantes). Glad this movie doesn't gloss over that.

Batsy is such a bastard in his early days. Selina should deck him.

He has so much to learn and grow, not just as Batman, but as a person. Yes, this is about him sending Selina as a spy.

Bruce Wayne looking like he's having the worst time of his life when he's in public. I love this socially repulsive man with all my heart.

Bruce seeing his child self in the mayor's son, but now with new responsibility of solving this mystery, just wow. A lot of movies, at least the live-action ones, tend to not prioritise portraying Bruce's childhood or the trauma he experienced with the gruesome murder of his parents, because at his core that's what led him down this path, it's just as, if not more, important, to him being the saviour, the knight of Gotham.

Him getting jealous thinking that's Selina with Falcone. Somebody's in love.

Riddler and his stupid love letters. Get a life.

Batman, you idiot, why would you stand with your face right infront for the bomb.

The police station scene is so funny. Poor Jim is losing it. "Great, now I got you on assaulting an officer." "You got me on assaulting three." Bad bitch energy.

"We gotta get you out of here buddy." "🥺" Gay behaviour.

OOOOOH. THE ESCAPE SCENE. Can't wait to see Batsy hit the ground and eat shit. THERE IT IS.

The fucking chase scene. Hell yeah. Emo Batman has some of the best entrances and chases in this movie. It's actually fun to watch and isn't cringe. What a refreshing change.

"Good cop, batshit cop." Jim shoving the pictures of the mutilated face into Penguin's face. I can't breathe.

Jim and Bats interrogating Penguin. Penguin roasting the fuck out of them. "No habla espanol, fellas?" "Shut up!" FUCKING HILARIOUS. Them leaving his tied up, and him waddling while cursing. THAT'S how you do comedy without breaking the tone of the movie, especially for dark superhero movies.

I know Alfred doesn't die but godsdammit I hate seeing him hurt.

Bruce lashing out because he feels betrayed but also reeling from getting flashbacks to his father's death while seeing Alfred in that bed, my boy was in the worst emotional state. I forgive him for being a little bitch to his dad (Alfred).

The heart to heart between Bruce and Alfred is such a tender and love-full moment. I needed that :,)

Selina should have just killed Kenzie before Bats came around. I support women's rights, but more importantly I support women's right to murder.

Carmine Falcone is such a sleazebag character. He gives me the creeps.

I love Jim Gordon. No particular scene inspired that statement, I just love him.

THE SECOND BEST HALLWAY FIGHT SCENE IN THE WORLD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I want it injected in my veins.

When Falcone is arrested and Penguin speaks against Carmine, I love that scene because it's a subtle indication to the end of the movie, where we see Penguin will now take over the criminal underworld of Gotham. The mighty Falcon has been taken down, the city is drowned. What better opportunity for a flightless bird to takeover?

Riddler with his dumb ass jokes and reddit lives. What a clown. He's dangerous but I can't take him seriously.

Batman appears and he just [starts screaming] peak teenage boy behaviour. Cringe lord. Be better.

Starting the movie with "I am darkness", contemplating if Gotham can even be saved, and ending it with Batman lighting the way, leading Gotham out of the destruction. GODS. Him coming to the realisation that Gotham, and by extension himself, need hope and change, not clinging to the past, not vengeance. That is so poetic.

In regards to BatCat, the last meeting really signifies their love story. He loves her, he truly does, and maybe in this version of the story they end up together despite all the, but Gotham will always be his priority. She wants him to live, not just exist, but live, but Bruce gave up on that idea long ago.

"The Bat and the Cat, its got a nice ring to it. [Pause] Who am I kidding? You're already spoken for." OK, Mr. Matt Reeves, why don't you just shoot me between the eyes?