#And the kids just feel bad that thier dad went through that

[awesomedurraworld]

okayokay, you have raised such an important point and i thank you for that 😌

I came up with new things for this fic and i might have figured out Riza a little?? But here is what i have

My idea had Ed and Al finding Roy alone by themselves without the team’s help, my very original idea ( that i came up with last June) had the boys traveling when the colonel got kidnapped, and when they got back they were like, “ where is our commander father??” the team was like, “ meh boss we don't know,” so Ed and Al were like that is fishy, so they look around and after few month or weeks they find Roy And keep him in their apartment ( notice, apartment and not dorm, so finding Roy Was kept a secret so no on would know that they have him)

When i stumbled across this note couple of nights ago, i had more time thinking it over and i posted my idea yesterday and gotten more ideas for it.

So here is what i have so far

Roy has Riza as his bodyguard ( everyone on his team is his guard in a way if you think about it) + Roy is a very strong fighter if he needed to be, ( he is his team’s guard btw. He protects them.) so it got me thinking, who was strong enough to kidnap the strong feared Roy Mustang?

Someone who knew how he thinks and acts. someone who knew his weaknesses, someone who saw him daily and knew him well. Who other than his men themselves??

BEAR WITH ME THESE ARE ALL JUST HALF COOKED IDEAS.

Riza would never betray him like that, and i know she would have ran herself to the ground trying to find him, so i just kept brainstorming how to keep the original idea of Ed and Al rescuing Roy while not having Riza with them. And it got me down to these points.

Hawkeye could be undercover and under radar and didn't know Roy was even kidnapped until she went back to central and knew and got mad with the team and somehow the boys let her knew about Roy’s whereabouts

Riza never joined the military and married Roy but died so Roy has that dead wife trauma. Which can add more whump to the story but idk

My least favorite one, but what if Riza is the one who took him down and delivered him to his captures? Not that she wanted but maybe they held some sort of blackmail over her? Maybe get grandpa, the Elrics or maybe she is in a relationship with Roy so that could have ended badly?

i am still not sure what i should do with Riza, since i just know she loves Roy sm, and it just doesn't make sense for her to hurt him at all.

The newer idea for this plot also has the Elrics taking Roy back to Resembool to thier granny since she is a doctor/ has a medical knowledge, and she might be able to help them care for Roy the first few weeks. Maybe they just stay there as long as Roy needs until he is ready to go back to public and face the military and expose them? .

I am just thinking some sort of family drama between Roy And the team since they are his found family, and how they betrayed him and stuff, and have Ed and Al being protective of Roy And attacking the men. ( this is not based on actual life experience of course not! Haha.. Hah… ha)

There is of course lots of truma i want to give Roy 😈 his childhood, teenhood, the war and kidnapping and Woah so many so many. Maybe involve his mother? Aka chris mustang and i know she is his aunt butttttt i love making her his mother or adopted mother, maybe she could be there too??

Also if we went with Riza being under cover and not knowing her beloved man was hurt she could probably go to resembool later on and just help Ed and Al taking care of Roy?

This is kinda what i have so far! Later on ( aka right before i sleep ) i am sure i will get more ideas hehe. Roy Mustang is one of my favorite characters to whump Oh my god

Gonna be real, but i cannot stop thinking about recovery fics and how beautiful they are. They are amazing, the way we see the character gets better always just makes me feel so inspired, the way that they learn to get over- or get around- the thing that hurt them. The way that they learn to be alive and living. How to love themselves and embrace what happened to them.

As much as i love these types of fics, i only wrote like, two maybe? With this idea (I love and have written torture more than recovery) . And it got me thinking… why not write a whole recovery fic?

It is no secret that i love parental Roy and Riza to the Elrics, and how they take him after he was being hurt and help him recover and be better and feel better.

BUT

But.

I am proposing another idea. Same child parent dynamic. Roy And the Elrics. Here is what i am thinking:

Evil Millirty hating how good and you Mustang is and they know he is a threat + them setting up to kidnap him by evil gang or something + team Mustang for some reason not being that loyal in finding him + Elrics stop their red stone research and to find their missing dad CO+ THEM SAVING THIER ADULT + FAMILY DRAMA AND PROTECTIVE SONS™️= my new fic idea

Which has traumatized Roy who is trying his best not being so traumatized but in the middle of it all, the Elrics discover How badly hurt thier adult is!

WHO IS WITH ME!!?

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

Okay, so all in all, this Lego game is actually pretty fun and cute in how it presents the key scenes from the films, but I just want to say that the "Snape's Memory" level was probably the most uncomfortable level of any game I've ever played, and let me tell you a thing or two about how the sort of games I've played over the years aren't always cutesy animal mascots or funny little platformers.

This level has you in the shoes of young James, Sirius and Remus as you chase down a clearly scared young Severus Snape through the halls as he hides in lockers, behind items and finally in a tree that you will then conjure a pair of shears to cut down the branch he's sitting on as he reads a book. Then you duel him and it initiates a cutscene of which, after attempting to defend himself, James blasts him with a charm that leaves him standing in his shirt and little green Lego underpants, trying to cover himself before the memory ends with a zoom out to present day Lego Snape's lip wobbling before he points Lego Harry out the door in a much more subdued manner than how the movie presents it and far more tame than how it went down in the books.

As you can see here, I hesitated in my footage as I was realizing in real time that I was supposed to terrorize young Snape. 🥺

Now, of course, Snape wouldn't exactly be my favorite character of the series, as I grew up reading the books and can easily point out all the reasons why you really shouldn't take his redemption arc as perfect... But I wouldn't say he's my least favorite as he's certainly a very interesting character and the movie portrayal was absolutely a fantastic adjustment ((thanks to my brother, YEARS ago, I have a little Snape figurine that's kind of cute and modeled after the movie version, and I unironically love the little piece of plastic)).

((a lengthier post under the jump here, in which I ramble about the complex morality of said character, remind y'all that he was also a bully, and also other tangents that'll let y'all really know that I probably haven't told you guys just how much this series was a key memory of my childhood))

There's his good moments that were definitely planted early on to make re-visits to the series a nice refresh now that you know the intent of his actions, but, as I like to say: "Hey, didn't he literally throw a glass jar in the general direction of Harry's head once, just days after the whole thing about Harry unintentionally invading his memories? Like, this 36 year old man lobbed a glass jar at a 15 year old kid's face because he's still holding a grudge over this kid's dead dad. Yeah, that's book exclusive, but it still happens."*

But, that said, Snape's childhood was rough and this part was a bit rough to play through with that context, I suppose at least the Lego form of it omitting being hung upside down by the ankle and getting his mouth flooded with soap to the point he was choking was wise on thier part-

Oh, wait, didn't he also call his one good friend a slur after she attempted to help him, because she kind of smirked a bit at seeing his underwear?

Dang, everyone sucks here. This whole event reads like a Reddit AITA post, ngl. My favorite character was Remus, and arguably, while he didn't actively participate in the bullying, he still acknowledged years after the fact that being a bystander was just as bad, so even my favorite character is in the wrong and can't be excused.

But, hey, if everyone was perfect, then stories would be boring because there's no conflict or flaws, and that's sort of needed anyway in order to show growth or downward spirals.

* Really, anything that Snape did in relation to literally bullying children he's supposed to be teaching is just gross. Remember that Neville's boggart takes the form of Snape, when everyone else is afraid of things like spiders or snakes or Voldemort. Neville didn't feel safe around his own teacher, how messed up is that? Snape got bullied as a kid and turned around to be the bully, and even WORSE, joined a supremacy club, and only tried to back out when it affected him personally. He did not break the cycle. Casual reminder that Snape was 100% willing to let James and Harry die in exchange for Lily, and only revised that idea after Dumbledore called him out on being such a sick slimeball.

Simply put, Snape was an incel, and I think we shouldn't forget that. And that's fine, that's his character, it makes his choice to sacrifice himself for the greater good a little more satisfying, but we should not forget that this whole story was mostly his fault to begin with. Alternately, if the Sorting Hat had placed him anywhere else, it might have improved his chances of bettering himself, or if his parents weren't such awful people to him, but at the end of the day, he made the choices he made and he had to deal with it.

Why am I even typing all this, it should be pretty obvious that I don't support his actions despite him being in my list of favored characters of the book, like, he's just interesting in the sense that I grew up with the books as they were coming out, so there was all these years of build up for me to flit between "Ew, Snape." and "Oh, Snape?" and "Aww, Snaaaape..." and "Wow, Snape!", so it was literally information I picked up between ages 11-17, much like the main characters of the books, tbh.

My favorite Snape moment in the books? Book 3, when we find out, thanks to the Time Turner, that he wasted no time in tending to the kids and Sirius after finding them unconscious, so he conjured up stretchers to take them back to the school, when like, it's established that as far as he knows, no one is around to observe this and he doesn't take the opportunity to rough up Sirius a bit, so him choosing to do things the right way while not being observed is an interesting side of his character that isn't remarked on enough.

Favorite Snape moment in the movies?

This. "Prisoner of Azkaban" was the only Harry Potter movie I saw in theaters because my mom's coworkers convinced her to take me right after her shift at work when I was spending the day with her on a day off from school and had dragged along my copy of "Order of the Phoenix" to read quietly, and next to Book 5, Book 3 was my next favorite in the series and this adaptation was my favorite despite the major changes, and the changes to Snape's involvement to the plot was honestly welcoming because Snape throwing his arms back to defend the kids from Lupin as a werewolf, without hesitation, is such a good layer to add to him.

Favorite Snape moment in the Lego Games?

Hard toss up between the fist pump at getting his dream job, the shaky wand before being forced to kill Dumbledore, the refusing to celebrate thing even though they slapped a hat on him, the nod to Harry after revealing that he was the Half-Blood Prince, the fact that Lego Snape's "death" was prompted by scarfing down the last cookie, or that they had to extra his tears by shoving an onion in his face ((I don't even think he dies in this version of events, he just cries and falls over)). Lego Snape is the saddest looking piece of plastic I've ever seen. He falls in that category I have for Lego Joker, which is: "The actions of the source material character doesn't carry over into Lego form, so they can be judged based on thier actions as Lego, therefore I can call them cute in the sense that they're goofy action figures."

Just a but disappointed that we didn't get Snape's completely unhinged shrieking fit at Harry and Hermione after Sirius and Buckbeak escape, and he's ((rightfully)) 100% convinced they had something to do with it, but doesn't have the proof other than he just knows. The all caps words on the book pages while he's just screaming about Harry somehow escaping the hospital wing to do this because it's the sort of thing he knows Harry would do, while Dumbledore and Fudge are just exchanging glances and Harry keeping a straight face during this is just sublime.

I mean, as far as Snape knew, he was about to finally get revenge on the man he thought was responsible for the death of his closest friend/crush, her husband and about 12 other people, and presumably said individual was out to get the last remaining bit of Lily's legacy that survives, so naturally Snape was like "Oh, joy, I not only get to end this once and for all, but I'm gonna be seen as a hero for saving these kids and maybe I'll get that validation I've only dreamed of, tee hee~" only for it to get snatched away in a few minutes, and he knows full well that Harry has already thwarted no less than three attempts on his life so far and the kid totally has the nerve to do stupid brave things all the time, I don't blame him for thinking that Harry was the one who let Sirius escape, and he's totally right but can't prove it, lol.

Kind of wonder what Snape must have thought when he found out that Sirius was in the Order, too? Can you imagine how awkward that probably was when Snape walked into 12 Grimmauld Place, and sees this guy and the mysteriously disappeared hippogriff in there, two years later? I bet Snape's brain gears went into overdrive and was like "I freaking KNEW it." and probably threw his hands in the air once he was brought up to speed on the situation by Dumbledore.

[sincelastsession]

Had a decent time doing the birthday dinner with Lucy and Travis. My neighbors kids have taken to stalking me from both balconies, thier mother videos me cleaning outside. I heard them talking about my car today confirming with one another it's the old silver Honda fit.

My parents are acting weird and paranoid about me getting a camera. They think it will get knocked down with a broom by the neighbors. Then I got bitched out that it better be under 200 when I originally said I'd buy it they insisted. I don't know what to think. If my neighbors can have a camera and the Office and the apartment management company said "Yeah do that if it makes you feel safer and gives proof"

No one us like actually happy I am around though. Like was very nice to everyone today and people were cruel. Even my mom was nasty to me.

She also offered me a dog that Esteban brought home. I told her when I moved I could take it as a foster or I could bring it to the foster ppl at CAABR.

She got furious when I tried to explain that the dog would likely get a home or go on transport to a no kill.

He told her he inherited the dog from this old lady.

Literally none of that is true unless he is scamming other women.

I'd really like to catch his abusive ass in a big lie and expose him.

But my mom know he almost broke my hand and put a fucking cigarette out on my sister that I didn't find out about till 2-3yrs ago.

I do want him to suffer and pay for what he does and did.

My mom says my dad is worse but he never beat her or threatened her or had her likely on drugs. She always has the coke nail and has even spoken about coke nails when she worked in the OR when I was a child...but now acts stupid about it. However I caught her a while back just getting mad because she does know and she is probably hooked on something he's giving her. Her teeth look like meth mouth. Teeth don't naturally turn brown Joshua. I researched it.

I will probably never bring it up to her but it's something that aggravates me and she has lied to me about so many things and the things that she has lied to me about are so fucking outlandish that if I were to tell anybody then they would be like oh my God what the fuck because everything I tell anybody about my crazy ass family everybody's like that sounds like Jerry sprigger and I'm like yeah yeah it does I feel like I was raised in that type of environment and I have been dealing with this shit forever and I would like it to stop

Like I just need to put up a fucking camera and everybody's telling me about all these bad things that could possibly happen if I put the camera up but then I've been told by the office the courtesy officer and my apartment management company to go ahead and get a camera

So I don't know what to do about that

I mean I planned on getting one anyway

And no I don't want a weird little Chihuahua dog right now that my mom's piece of shit garage sleeping cobbler alcoholic abusive boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is I don't want a dog that he brought to me I don't care what he's done for me in the past my mom always holds this over my head and says that when I wasn't home and my mom cleaned my black disgusting toilet and bathroom well it was getting clogged with wood roaches that were getting inside from under the door and all the clutter and shit in the garage as where all those roaches live and So it was a source of water and also I don't know if their bathroom only got soft water but my bathroom got hard water so there was a lot of rust staying too and honestly I mean that happened over 10 years ago probably So I don't know why she uses that as a defense for him that he cleaned my toilet I didn't ask anybody to come over and clean for me ever he and my mom went and tried to clean my room and my bathroom and it's like I could have done that when I got home from wherever I was and them shaming me about it is disgusting and I don't care how disgusting my bathroom was I was going through a horrible depression and various other abuses And I was not doing well and I had all these diagnosis that were not real and I was on medications That were making me sick and I needed to get out of the city and I went to visit my friend Mike in abbeyville

And then I came home to chaos and it was awful and then I had to live in that chaos and then my bed broke and I just needed a new mattress even if it was cbecause I could buy a pillow top or something and my dad made me sleep on the pull out sofa until the cat's claws popped the mattress and then I was still made to sleep on top of that which hurt really bad in the living room and then I asked if I could sleep in my sister's bed since it was the only mattress and room available not filled with things that I could possibly inhabit And this went on for years because he just wouldn't get me a fucking Mattress and when I moved out he still hadn't gotten me one and so the batress I have now is 1 that Bonnie just left for me because it belonged to somebody before her so I don't even wanted to be honest but it's the only 1 I have other than my guest Room 1 which needs patting and stuff that I can't afford right now

I really don't understand why my mom wanting to give me an overweight two-year-old Yappy little Chihuahua thing was a good idea like why did she think that was a great idea that her and Esteban get me a tiny dog and won't me to keep it

I mean I regret not just being like oh my God thank you yes

Like I could kick myself for that 1

And then I could just take the dog and tell them that it doesn't get along with the cats and I took it to the pound already and it's in the foster program and then they couldn't do shit about it unless they went and paid $200 to adopt it again

And what else I am tired of my neighbors playing games with me like that's what they're doing now like they're outside sitting on the steps being fucking assholes and I can hear them and they're saying should about me and I'm not paranoid that's what they're doing and it's really irritating and I don't know why people need to bully

Understand and I would like to understand what sort of satisfaction they get from that because even if I think app the most evil plan or whatever goes beyond just a prank I mean I could think of a million different nasty fucked up things to do and it would work but would I do that and no because I'm not fucked up and they had like that to act on anything of that nature to get back at people unless they have hurt me or my animals or my family or my brain snaps and I finally have enough I don't know

I don't know I just feel threatened by all these people and I know that they're just insecure and ratchet.

I'm still really pissed off and aggravated that I had to talk someone down from killing themselves and like yeah I helped them but boo I fucking hate this this has been like a large majority of my life of people coming to me and being suicidal and me having to convince them not to do that

And as much as sometimes I would like to embrace the let them standpoint I prefer not to see people pass away and I'm tired of funerals

And sometimes I would like to just say fuck it and not care like that would be refreshing

I've seen a few trailers available that are outside of Baton Rouge and it would probably be a long drive to get Anywhere Especially in the Kind of Car I Have on Gravel Living in A trailer park but it sounds more peaceful than the city at this point and I'm not sure what to do but my parents don't want me living in a trailer or trailer park or a ghetto in word house because they are both incredibly racist even though they say they aren't and With me it's not racism I'm sure I have micro aggressions but I really don't care that these people are black honestly they could be white trash or some other skin tone I reallyDon't care I just want them to quit being awful and leave me the fuck alone.

And then now my parents are just trying to scare me about putting a camera up and I'm like why when you guys said that you would help me is it now a big deal like if we put the camera up it might get knocked down oh my God and it has me worried and I'm like what the fuck

I don't know if we can just do like standing appointments every week for Thursdays at 2 PM?

I would really like to see if my insurance would approve 2 visits a week and I think if I call my caseworker and ask her you know what should you be asking that won't have me put in some sort of stupid outpatient program because like I've had therapist who have seen me twice a week and I did not require an outpatient program and so my insurance might not require that I know some insurance is may But I'm not sure

Wish I was someone's favorite person but I know I'm not currently.

I mean yeah I have a partner and I know he loves me and cares about me but it's just like I get so many guys blowing up my messages and none of them really want to have a real conversation they just want to go on a date and fuck. It's just all about sex and what I can offer with my body and it's awful. And I am I guess going to make men wait. But I got told that if I continued to do that then I was going to end up all alone and you know I don't like to be alone and I don't want to be alone when I'm older and I don't want to marry somebody that I'm not attracted to And I don't just mean looks.

I mean I'm gonna be 38 soon and most of my friends have kids and jobs and are traveling other countries and comparison as a thief of joy but they're having a hell of a lot better time than me and I'm embarrassed honestly every time they ask me how I'm doing and I don't know how to reply because all I want to do is tell them the truth and I have to give some stupid little short oh I'm doing fine I'm doing wonderful so I'm just bullshit response but I'm not doing it okay I'm having a fucking terrible time.

And right now I can hear people being loud as fuck outside it's like 11:40 PM

All my supposed to like relax and watch TV or do anything when people are being so loud that it could be heard over that and why are none of my neighbors calling about this other than my neighbor Darlene

Because I know that there's lots of people that live in the apartments surrounding the pool but maybe they just don't know that they can contact the office

I don't know quite understanding that and I cannot wait to live in a house of my own or just somewhere fucking quiet away from everyone

The world is loud and violent and I keep getting hurt and I would rather just step away from it and live somewhere where I feel at peace

And it's either I wait for a long time and I might possibly get a house to live in or my parents die or my parents do help me find a place to live to rent and hopefully SSI goes up because I don't know if I will ever be able to do financial stability because lake in that department I don't overspend I don't think on just whims

Like I don't buy anything that's not useful or doesn't have a purpose

But like I just want my own home I want to work from home I want to have a partner that has their own job and I want to be fun actually stable or financially stable enough to live comfortably and I don't need the world's best fancy plays but this is just too stressful and I need something that's peaceful and I'm exhausted trying to keep up with everyone

I mean it's really weird being born of a family that is divided into 2 classes very poor and very well off and then watching my family who is bad with money my mom and my dad make poor financial choices and then watching both families be like fucking embarrassed and then everybody does not want to talk to them and hates them and everybody has kind of just forgotten about me or they don't want anything to do with me because I think I'm like my parents And I don't no how to do the mass in the taxes and regular banking and all I've ever known is like how the credit union works at least a little bit I don't even know all of that

And I just bright now I feel like I don't have any more room in my brain for like any information like I would love to be able to learn things and store it and bring it out when I need it but I haven't been able to do that and it's really frustrating like I just want to learn how to do new things and do them and it seems so easy for everyone else and why is it difficult for me

I've done plenty of things by myself but the things that I don't know how to do that I need assistance with so I can visually learn is really frustrating because like you know you want a person there with you while you're trying not to like fucking electrocute yourself Or not fuck up your wallpaper or whatever the case you know just home improvement things that no one ever taught me financial things no 1 ever taught me and you know I've been to outpatient facilities where they wanted to teach people who were mostly down syndrome and had other neurological problems you know all these things and how to do them pulled me out of that group because they didn't even think I was autistic they were just like you're way too smart and they couldn't find a group to put me in and they finally settled on 1 group and it was fucking terrible I had a girl get obsessed with me and another guy and I got pulled into that nightmare fuel

I had to block her on everything it was insane

It is really frustrating for it to be a Sunday And to hear my neighbor's screaming on the balcony like everybody wants to go to bed right now

[mercurygray]

@shoshiwrites really just handed me 'single dad falls in love with his daughter's ballet teacher' and then didn't think I would do anything with it.

He wasn't really sure what you wore to the ballet.

It wasn't really a ballet, at least in the formal sense, just a technical rehearsal for the local company, but for six year olds there really wasn't a difference, so out came a collared shirt and a sweater, and a party dress for the six year old, and the sparkly mary-janes that Annie had bought because 'everyone ought to have a pair.'

Emily had been so happy when they'd learned they were having a daughter - bought the little pink shoes, and the hairbows, and the Angelina Ballerina book even though everyone had reminded her it would be a long time before the baby was old enough for books with sentences. It was a foregone conclusion that Olivia would be signed up for ballet classes when she was old enough - even if Emily wasn't there to bring her when the day finally came.

Your mom would be so much better at this, Dick thought to himself, realizing, with a pang, that Olivia's braids were crooked or her hair tie was falling out or her leotard was on backwards.

He didn't like being bad at things, particularly when being bad meant all the other moms gave him pitying looks and sweet smiles and told him how wonderful it was that he was trying so hard.

(He told Harry and Kitty about this, once - Kitty laughed over her rosé and told him it wasn't just pity.)

They were out in force today, the mothers, all dolled up for thier afternoon mother-daughter dates - and, here he was, in cashmere and khakis, feeling out of place. (And again, the smiles - god save him from the smiles.)

They'd gone to lunch, beforehand, at thier favorite Italian restaurant. Olivia had played at being very grown-up, and had asked for a candle because, she said, very seriously, that 'they were on a date.' The hostess had taken them very seriously and had not only brought the candle but tirumisu for dessert. Dick remembered wiping whipped cream off Emily's nose and tried not to cry.

She was always going to have options. They'd decided that early. She was going to have dolls and trucks and dinosaurs and wear whatever colors she wanted and they would sign her up for soccer and for dance and she could keep whichever one she liked better. And Olivia just kept loving everything. Just like your mom, Dick would think to himself.

"Do you remember what your teacher said about best behavior today?" Dick asked, the flowers in his lap crinkling in their plastic.

Olivia nodded. "She said we should be really quiet, and we shouldn't clap until the very end, when the music ends. And she can't wave to us, but she can meet us afterwards. And we have to sit still through the whole thing, even though she has a solo."

Dick nodded. "You did a very good job of listening to Miss Joan."

Olivia preened, pleased to be good at following rules. (If anyone doubts you're my kid, there it is.) The lights dimmed, and a voice from above reminded everyone to take their seats, and Olivia bounced a few times in her chair before Dick laid a hand on her arm and reminded her that ballerinas were always very good at being still.

Kitty had helped him find the studio - one of the other teachers at her school had a roommate who worked there and had the fives and sixes classes, and was said to be really good. A real ballerina, Olivia had said, on the first day of class, practically skipping out of the studio. "We got to see pictures of her in her tutu and everything!"

A real ballerina, indeed - attached to the local company, teaching classes on the side to make a little extra cash, and more than happy to provide a little outing for her students when it came time for the annual fundraising performance. She was kind like that, Miss Joan. As teachers went he counted himself lucky that Olivia had a nice role model to put up alongside Annie and Kitty and Emily's sisters - women who went out and did things, like Emily did.

The lights went down, and the six year olds quieted, and the music started, and Dick took a deep breath and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. The whole performance was a series of vignettes from different dancers - an ensemble piece from Coppelia, a more modern thing in blacks and blues and moody lighting - and Miss Joan's solo, of course.

Ballet, where the women were always princesses and the dresses always sparkled - at least in the version you gave to six year olds, usually just The Nutcracker and maybe Swan Lake, if you didn't actually tell them the whole story. What is Miss Joan dancing today? Juliet, was the reply. She's from a play by Shakespin - Shookspea - Shakespeare. She has a really pretty blue dress, but she's not a princess so she doesn't get a tiara.

Listen, the tiara was important stuff, when you were six.

But then the music started, and she came out onstage, and he was…overcome.

There wasn't anything particularly sexy about how one showed up to ballet class - just black leotards and leg warmers and slip-on shoes, and a smile that wouldn't quit. But to see her onstage in glitter and gossamer, capering and smiling like a girl at her first party, shy and unaware of her own charm was…something else. And it wasn't just…the line of her leg, or the length of her back, but…something else, something just out of reach. Where's Romeo, Dick wondered. Can we hold him offstage so Juliet never dies?

But then the music ended, and the dream did too, and Dick found himself clapping as loudly as the rest of them, the flowers in his lap falling to the floor. (He remembered where he was, and picked them up again - Miss Joan didn't deserve crushed flowers.)

The girls were a giggling, electric mess after the performance, romping around the lobby trying to do pirouettes they'd never been taught to do and humming along nonsensically to music they couldn't quite remember. Dick stood back from the group of moms and scrolled through his phone, glancing up every now and again to make sure no one had started to climb a chandelier.

The dancing gave way to a circle, which gave way to a game of Red Rover, and finally - finally! the woman of the hour appeared, and the children flocked to her like magnets, bouncing and shouting and all talking at once. Dick hung back, waiting until everyone else had had a turn before calling his daughter's name so she could come and stand by him.

"Did you forget something?" Dick asked, gesturing with the flowers. Olivia clapped her hands and grabbed the bouquet, presenting it to Miss Joan with a flourish.

"Oh, thank you, Olivia. These are lovely."

"Daddy helped me pick them out. He said girls always like roses."

Dick felt himself blush, never wanting to be outside a conversation more - or away from someone's gaze. "Well, he's not wrong," Joan said with a smile that was clearly meant for the both of them. "Thank you for bringing her. I'm sure Saturdays are very busy."

"We went on a date!" Olivia announced proudly.

"Were you going to tell Miss Joan something else?" Dick asked pointedly, feeling himself blush again under the mortifying idea that it had been three years since he'd been on anything resembling a date. Olivia looked at him like he'd asked her to speak in Greek. He mouthed "her dress" in a stage whisper until she realized what he meant.

"I think your dress is really pretty!"

Her smile could have lit up the stage. "I think your dress is really pretty, too, Olivia," she said. "We should take a picture, and your dad can send it to me."

He took several, Joan striking a pose that Olivia could copy, his daughter positively radiant with delight. "Please do send them," she said, reviewing them on his phone. "Let me give you my number."

Her number! You sly dog! He could almost hear Lewis crowing somewhere. Focus, Dick. Focus. She's Olivia's teacher. I'm sure there's something unethical here.

[im-totally-not-an-alien]

Final Fantasy 7 prompts # 73

1. Puppet! Cloud drops out from a random vortex after his master was defeated. Where did he land?

On Sephiroths office desk in Shinra tower of course. Sephiroth poked him with his pen a few times before Cloud woke up.

"Master!" The blond exclaimed as he wrapped the larger man in a hug. Of course. Of freaking course, thats when Genesis barged in with a stack of paperwork tucked under his arm, (not even bothering to knock mind you!) "Ugh, Seph, you are not going to believe-" the redclad figure stopped in his tracks.

"...this isn't what is looks like."

Genesis wiggled his eyebrows suggestivly, "Sure it isn't." And he was back out in the hall without another word. The soft click the door gave seemed much too loud in the silence and only seemed to add to Sephiroths humiliation.

Thus began Cloud following around his "Master" wherever he went while Sephiroth and the SOLDIERS/Turks did everything in their power to stop him, only to fail hilariously or get beaten up by the (comparatively) petite blond for thier efforts

2. The Holy Trinity encounter Winged! Cloud from the future or a parallel dimention or something and instead of viewing him as a monster they think he's an actual angel and treat him accordingly.

3. Cloud had just finished burying a dead chocobo (may she rest in peace) he had found when he heard a twig snap from behind him.

He reached for Tsurugis handle only to pause when he saw a bright yellow ball of plumage peek out from behind a tree. The blond let out a small laugh. That was by far the fluffiest chick he had ever seen, hells, it was a perfect circle/

Cloud reached down and picked up the baby, "Hello there, are you lost?"

"Kweh!" The little circle cried out and Cloud was quickly surrounded by three other chicks, all wild and overly fluffy. He absently wondered if this was a new breed while they preceeded to peck at him with little effect. He just scooped them up and drove them to Bills place after a ruddementry search of the nearby area.

That was the end of it.

Until he woke up the next morning with three of the chicks sleeping on top of him. The blond was baffled and got up to search for the fourth, only to find it perched on Denzels head, shifting its balance as to not fall whenever Denzel began nodding off, threatening to fall asleep and plant his face in his breakfast.

If Cloud took a picture-or a dozen-no one would have to know

4. A mysterious ailment has been effecting all the creatures Hojo created using Jenovas cells causing them to run amok. With Cloud missing and AVALANCHE busy dealing with rampaging monsters, Denzel and Marlene sneak off to search for the missing blond, but will they find him in time? Or will Cloud be in the same state as the others?

5. Reno found Cloud at a mall in some nowhere town dressed as a girl. He was originally planning to use this as blackmail material before Cloud came out to him as trans.

Now Reno goes out with him and helps him keep his cover...while disguised of course. Wouldn't want anyone to recognize him and- by extention- Cloud.

Besides, if anyone did recognize them, Cloud had full permission to blame Reno and let him take the fall for it.

6. The SOLDIERS apparently had a "Chocobo protection squad" when Cloud was a trooper. He had no idea why Reeve had insisted he read this annoyingly thick file on it until he realized half way through the first page that it was about him

He was the "precious cutie chocobo that must be protected from the evils of the world"

Cloud wanted to burn it on principle...but was too curious to stop reading. Apparently most of the members were still alive and it seems he owes them a great deal, so maybe he should take Teef and the kids to visit some of them. Maybe bring gift baskets...

7. Cloud cursed as he stepped on the edge of his cloak, sending him tumbling down from the path and deeper into the cavern.

Cloud picked himself up from the ground, grateful his goggles kept any of the dirt and debris from entering his eyes.

He heard something from behind him and whirled around to slash at them with his dagger...except there was no one there.

Poink

Oh no. He looked down at the little creatures, wearing cloaks much like his own, only brown instead of the worn black fabric the professor gave them. The blond looked down sadly at the number tattooed on the back of his hand.

Guess I won't be going to the Reunion after all. Shame. Mother had said Zack would be there as a guest and he really wanted to see him again.

Poink!

One of the little creatures- Tonberry- mother supplied - was clutching the edge of his cloak and attempting to lead him somewhere.

Did...did this creature think himself one of them?!

Aka Numbered! Cloud! gets adopted by Tonberrys

8. Hojo waking up strapped to one of his own tables with Cloud and Sephiroth standing over him, grinning like mad men.

9. Au where Sephiroth escaped as a child and fled into the wild and was eventually taken in by the "dead" professor Gast and his wife Iflana

He was "never found" by the Turks and eventually grew up to be a bad ass vigilante.

Cloud shared a similar fate but kept running instead of being taken in, eventually becoming a vagabond until the fateful day when their paths crossed and the pull of Reunion drew them together

10. Enraged blue eyes locked on to the blond. It may have been nearly a thousand years since Shinra fell, but he would know that man anywhere.

Not just anyone could have destroyed a corporate entity as powerful as Shinra and in the span of a single month no less! But he didn't care much about that, oh no.

He cared about the fact that this lovely creature killed him and his fellow firsts and then had the audacity to just disappear into the sands of time, stripping materia of its power and somehow causing Gaias mako to sink deep beneath the soil, never to be seen by mere mortals again. After it did, monsters began appearing less and less frequently, until they stopped appearing at all.

With Shinra so thoroughly destroyed and no other sustainable power available, information and records deteriorated, leaving Shinras history spotty at best and non existent at worse (probably didn'thelp that records seemed to conveniently disappear). Now Shinra, monsters and magic are all considered fairytales from a bygone era.

He and the others occasionally visit the lake that was once the city of Midgar to light candles in honor of all they had lost. Like hell he was going to let the blond escape again. Genesis opened his phone and made a call, "Seph, I found him."

11. Cloud meeting Female Sephiroth. Shes rather impressed that he's completely unaffected by the boob window. It had been the death of many men before him, that was for certain.

Too bad he wants to kill her, she has a feeling she would have liked having him around. Maybe she'd introduce him to Angel's puppy? She had the peculiar ability to befriend everyone she met

12. Time traveler Sephiroth saves time traveler Cloud from the labs with Genesis and Angeal.

Cloud is wondering why Sephiroth saved him and what he's planning.

Meanwhile, Gen and Geal are freaking out and asking annoyingly sane questions, like "Who is this guy?", "Why do you seem to know him so well?", and my personal favorite "Why is there a man being held captive in the labs?!"

13. Lab Experiment Cloud au where teenager Cloud barrels into Sephiroth in the middle of escaping the tower and asks if Sephiroth is his dad.

Sephiroth stops functioning and he just stands there frozen in a full battle stance while Genesis fights and subsequently captures the teenager, who he then promptly kidnaps.

*later*

Sephiroth bursts into the labs and confronts Hojo, asking if he was a father.

Hojo laughs and says "Of course you are! Do you have any idea how many creatures I've spawned with your DNA?"

Cue Sephs mental breakdown and Genesis's rampage on behalf of his friend.

Angeal does his part by babysitting with some office secretaries

Aka: the trinity raising a broody teen

14. Post OG Nebilheim is super duper haunted and Yuffie is NOT okay with that.

Cloud is even less okay and they talk about it while sitting on the roof of Clouds abandoned house...well, the fake one anyway

15. Everyone gets therapy but its from the perspective of a therapist who is %1000 done with Hojo

Bonus: This is actually questions posed by a friend and it helped spawn number 10.

What would Shinra do if Mako where to suddenly disappear? How would that even happen?

Bonus Bonus: What would be the quickest/ most brutal way to take down Shinra and/or SOLDIER? How would the Firsts feel about being completely owned by a stranger who appeared out of nowhere? (This was also my thinking about 10)

Announcement: Due to lack of interest, list #75 will be the final one. Thank you for reading my ideas. It made me super happy!

[originalwinnercheesecake]

First Impressions and predictions based on the coven Leaders

After a full first season their fame adorning the banners and walls, who they are being hailed, yet they themselves being kept in the shadows we now get first looks (and throughout 2a will meet) the emperors top dogs: The coven leaders. I will not lie as a group... these guys dissappoint me. Making the majority of them very human in appearance for me is a big no. Compare this group to the many colorful and fantastical creatures that are shown teaching at hexside and the hexside teachers are far more creative, unique, and fun. Maybe the artists decided to make the coven leaders look more like normal people so the audience would have an easier time understanding their expressions and body language. Maybe the more humanoid whitches are a higher class and have a easier time climbing higher than the more beast and demon like residence.? We will have to wait and see. 

Seperate this group into individuals (like how we will hopefully meet them) and most of them become far more interesting, So below lets take a look at each coven leader individually, where the artists may have taken inspriation, and what  What kind of characters they could maybe turn out to be.

The Beast keeping coven Leader: One of the only two that are not humanoids. What type of animal is he? At first I was sure he was a hedgehog, but maybe he could also be like a chipmunk or a squirrel. I get the feeling he might be partially inspired by Sonic from Sega. I was really into Sonic back in middle school. I liked the cartoons and read through the archie’s old comic series. But I kinda out grew him since then. I know from helping to take care of kids though that he is still popular with the younger generation. That’s kinda how I thin the Beast Keeping Coven leader will be: less interesting for older viewers, but a real fun charcter for kids.

The Healing coven leader: Now this guy looks like fun villain all around. Is some kind of witch docotor? a Dark Priest? The size the purple Grin, he looks like the phantom boss from those horror films where you get trapped in nightmares. Tell me he has scary theme song music and talks in a very high pitched voice. I’ve heard some people wonder if he could be Selena (oracle girl from hexside)’s dad. I don’t thinks so, the macaroni crescent shape n his head looks more like a fancy cowl than part of his actual head. Also him having a daughter in Luz’s class could be used as a reason for him to change sides, I want this guy to stay as a villian/antagonist. We all know that with this size group some will stay with the emperor and some will defect to Luz’s side (possibility a couple will die, we haven’t seen yet just how dark Dana is willing to go). Personally my view with redemption arcs and if a character “deserves them” is it depends on what it will do for the story/character afterwards? IF redeeming them opens more doors for the characters and directions the story can take, do it. IF it closes doors leave them as they are. I absolutely hate when clever and well written bad guys get “redeemed” in to boring, plot useless, weebs. The only reason I could see having this guy change sides is for him to “cure” Eda and Lilith’s curse, and I would much rather see the two of them gain control over their forms than be “cured” of them.

The Illusion coven leader: Another fun looking antagonist. My third favorite of these nine. If the healer guy is horror movie based. This guy is Disney based all around. Looks like one of those Vegas suave showmen styled character. Love it. I guarantee you he does not actually look that young or slicked back, but is using illusion magic to make himself more pretty. Not sure if he will stay with the emperor or not. Illusion is Gus’s track and I could see Dana having the leaders of Luz’s friends tracks be the ones to stand by them. If so I am fine with that (in the case of the abomination leader I will beg for it). Gaining the respect of someone as high up as a coven leader could be really great for Gus’s character. Just as long as I get plenty of laughs from Gus and this guy both along the way.

The Potion coven leader: My second favorite and in my opinion the most creative idea of the whole bunch. A mosquito that works in potions! Does he suck them up with his nose and carry them in.. whatever it is mosquitos store blood in. Also he looks angry. Like everyone else is either amused or board. This guy is fed up and ready to do something about it. Not sure if it is the Emperor, the other leaders, or the owl gang he is mad at, but it should be a worthwhile show down.

The Abomination coven leader: Yes this is my favorite design. Yes it is because he is such a beautiful man. Would never have expected someone who creates mucks (the pokemon) with legs would be so fine. Its more than that though. He looks the most kind. Their is no malice or guise in his smile and his green eyes are bright and relaxed. I wondered what the purpose of the Abomination track was and why it had “more opportunity” all last season. Well slight spoilers if you haven’t seen episode 2x02 it is the industrialist field. When you learn about Industrialization usually the idea is that it is done to help the human race reach its full potential, and it is up to each individual to decide what to do with that potential. Whether you call that the passion of a creative mind or the carelessness of a fool would also be up to you. But I really don’t want this guy to be all bad. If for no other reason that more spoilers for episode 2 * with the interest/caution the emperor is showing the blights I expect this guy to show up to their house, probably meet Amity, and we really do not need another not so nice adult in her life. She has had enough.

The Oracle coven leader: What is this? He’s got nails/caws at the ends of dread thingys like Kikimore, so is this her father? Does he have anything to do with her being in the Emporor’s coven? But this is my least favorite. Like what was the inspiration behind this guy? With so many legendary oracles in mythology and we get this guy who mostly looks saggy, washed out, tierd, and just Blah. Hope thier is more to him, but here is one who I am not holding my breath for an episode on.

The Plant coven leader: based on her banner I was expecting something like the Swamp Giant from ALTA. Instead they went in the direction of a very traditional witch desgine: An old women with a wrinkled face and really messy hair, who probably lives alone in the woods, with maybe the exception of a cat, and dances around a fire at night. Okay. She is definitely going to become an ally of the owl gang. This is the only female of the group,and it is neither in Dana’s message nor would it be popular with her target audience to make a villain or even an antagonist out of a women who managed to climb the later into a male dominated success level. I am actually looking forward to seeing her, because it will probably be in a Willow based episode, and after 2x02 (which I personally feel should not have been a luminaty episode but rather a Willow and Amity one finishing up their reconciliation arc), Willow deserves an episode with potential centered around her. An episode where she goes against the Plant track Leader would be that. This witches Grin isn’t exactly friendly, but its more mischievous than wicked. She gives off vibes as one of those people who like to test the mains, and if you pass her tests than you earn her respect. I have no doubt Willow could win at her little games, and doing so would be a huge boost the confidence she has spent the show building.

The Construction coven leader: Oh joy here’s the other one I am unimpressed with. Unlike with the Oracle guy I know where they got his design. To everyone saying that we first saw him at the convention, your not backing far enough up. If you have ever seen any cartoon ever where the main character wanders past or onto a construction sight you have seen this man. Every trio of workers sitting on a iron frame eating from a lunchbox. Every pig that makes a catcall at a disgusted women. Every exhausted worker who watches as your slapstick mains chase each other past at quitting time... they all looked EXACTLY like this guy. This is really the character leading the track Dana herself has said she would pick to join? They could have done a Golem made of brick an stone that resembles a palace. They could have done some kind of humanoid ant with super strength. They could have done a wizard with shapes and mathematics on his robe who carried a scroll everywhere that he compulsively scribbled blueprints onto. But instead we get Mr. Generic here.

The Bard coven Leader: This is R, Eda’s old friend from her hexside days. Did I save R for last because of this connection? Partially. I am also unsure what R’s pronouns are. To me R looks physically male. I have seen other posters use “she” when posting about R. One person posted that Dana had confirmed R uses “they” and if so awesome, I would really like to see that tweet. What ever R’s pronouns though their appearance in the show will be tied with Eda, er past, and what she had to give up in order to live free. I look forward to this new insight onto her character

[dragonherder2030]

So I watched Raya and the Last Dragon-

I honestly was very disappointed with the movie as a whole. I LOVE dragons and main movies and media just doesn’t have much of them that I have seen. So when I saw that Disney was making a movie about and staring a dragon character, I got very excited. I had loved the design for Sisu when she was just a concept art

She was much more colorful and had a very different face, a more regional face. She is definitely more water dragony compared to the actual final draft design. And she is just overall prettier in my opinion.

Spoilers under this point

Another thing is the continuity and main logic of the movie. In the beginning of the movie it is practically about 15 minutes of exposition. It tells that apparently all the dragons are water dragons, every single one since they all look the same, but that there were multiple dragons in the past. These evil creatures made of human greed or whatever started attacking humans, and well I guess other things but the humans primarily. When attacked, they pass through the human and either take or freeze their spirit or something I don’t remember exactly, but the person becomes stone. So the dragons being the most powerful creatures in the world, they tried to fight the things. The dragons were also turned to stone, all but one, The Mighty Sisu. In the exposition it says that she compiled all her magic into the orb, and used it to destroy the things and turn everyone back from stone. Except the dragons. Do they ever explain why it didn’t turn the dragons back to alive? No it does not, it absolutely does not, but ho boy there is SO much more. Later in the exposition, the dragon gem gets broken into 5 pieces, one for each of the tribes. And they each possess a piece of the gem now. So, when the gem gets broken, all the evil creatures from the very beginning just, come back! This is never explained- nothing is ever explained in this movie it was just made for the funnies I GUESS. This movie feels like a really bad book adaption HONESTLY. And at the end of the movie when everyone comes back because it’s a kids movie, it’s just AHHGH everyone is happy now all the dragons come back and everything is dandy. But why didn’t the dragons come back in the beginning? The whole moral of the movie is “Trust good”. Seriously that’s it. And when they put the dragon gem back together at the end everyone is like “oh wow we need to trust each other and that’s how the magic will WoRk”. But explained earlier when we hear Sisu’s whole backstory is that when SHE did the magic fix she trusted her siblings the most that she had in that moment, SO TELL ME WHY DIDN’T IT WORK!!?? It makes no sense to me at least maybe I’m just missing something. But it annoys me so much, nothing makes sense in this movie. Another theory I have is that there were 3 writers. Each assigned to a seperate story arc, one to the beginning exposition thing, one to the middle main part, and one to the climax and final bits of the movie. The thing is, the writers only vaguely know what the past ones did XD.

The next problem I have is with the actual magic and formulation of dragons, as well as what the heck is up with the dragon gem. But don’t worry, I have at least 2 more problems with this movie. So as Sisu gets more and more of the dragon gem shards, she gains new powers. But do you know why? Because APPARENTLY when the gem broke into the 5 pieces, the magic of her individual siblings who gave their magic to the gem was separated perfectly. Ok that may not make much sense. But when we see Sisu’s backstory it shows that her oldest brother made the gem, then each sibling except Sisu put their special magic into the gem. So then, when it broke, the individual gem pieces only had the 1 type of magic in them? Excuse me what? That doesn’t make sense, if I make a cake, then I won’t cut it up and get only egg from one slice, then a bunch of sugar from another slice. It’s just- really bad and they could have fixed it by just- not having the siblings at all. They so easily could have been written out of the story, instead Sisu could have no magic when she is brought back, which she practically has none, her “magic” is that she is a strong swimmer. But then as she gets the pieces she gains back parts of her original magic, that would have been more indering then the siblings. Now the second part of this is the actual powers. Ok, which sounds like more of a power, being able to glow, or being able to fly around by walking on raindrops. The second one right? Well, ThEY aRe BoTh COsIdeReD MaGIc iN tHiS UniVErSe. All the powers that Raya aquires from the dragon gem pieces is being able to do the glow, being able to shape shift into a human, and being able to walk on the rain. Now, that isn’t even the part I’m the most mad about. At the end of the movie when all the dragons come back, THEY ALL CAN WALK ON THE RAIN. LIKE WHAT!? I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE OLDER BROTHER’S MAGIC TYPE! Do you get what I mean by this movie having no continuity? At the end of the movie, Sisu was killed by evil cat lady, and all the dragons come back walking on the rain and just- resurrect her. Ok, I guess that could be explained away as all the magic beings being magical, but I still don’t like how easily they did it. Yet another thing is that Sisu can make a bunch of magical smoke, well not magical but it’s really shimmery and thick, that’s not explained, she just can do it.

Let’s talk about the relationships in this movie. I hate them. No ones characters are developed on or improved except for maybe cat lady- I need to find her name somewhere, but except for Namarii is her name, her and Raya. Namarii’s big stitch is, I don’t even know just not being the most evil person? Either that or the same trust thing, which would mean that her and Raya have the same character arc. Raya in the beginning of the movie is explained to be the daughter of the chef of clan Heart, one of the most prosperous out of the 5 clans. They at the start of the movie had the dragon gem, and the father guy, he invited every other clan over to have a big feast or whatever. So when they get there, young Namarii, all this is happening when Raya is like, 9 I think, but Namarii and Raya become friends over fangirling for Sisu. Namarii has a necklace of Sisu that she gives to Raya. And side note, they act as though Sisu isn’t the SAVIOR OF THIER LANDS, but she’s some really good singer. Well I guess they have to connect to all those youngsters out there with an obsession and that rElATaBlE moment when you fInD AnOTheR oF tHiEr kInD. That just triggered me. But since Namarii is such a big fan of Sisu, Raya, after being shown to be VERY offensive about the idea of the other tribes coming, just decides to show Namarii the dragon gem! But uh oh, twist, Namarii is actually bad oh noooo and everyone comes up and starts to fight over the dragon gem. Then it shatters and the evil things come back. So Raya and her dad are trying to escape, her dad had been injured from fighting an arrow to the leg, but the things are repelled by water. So what does the dad do? He yeets the child into a river(they are on a bridge at this point) after having a minute long conversation with her. Like, could he not just tip himself off to? But hey we have to give them characters angsty backstorys amiright? It’s just so stupid the character motives. So like, Idk 12 years pass by or something since Raya is an adult now. She actually has a pretty emotional prayer type thing to Sisu when she is trying to resurrect her to save the world. This movie has a few ups that I will put at the end. So let’s talk about Sisu now, ho boy, she is the “oh everything will be fixed with hugs and kisses”. You know what this is, this is the same exact dynamic that Poppy and Branch went through during Trolls movie! The exact same dynamic! HECK Disney couldn’t even get original personalities. Sisu blindly trusting everything gets them into wacky situations and causes some conflict between Raya and Sisu but BARELY ANY. And Sisu just seems like- really innocent, she’s oblivious all the time. She’s this ancient beast and she just has the most generic personality and I loath it. Namanii is actually someone I liked. She seemed like the most real character until the very end, just, the blindly “oh everything is alright now and I’m fine with everyone now trauma doesn’t exist”. Also on that point, apparently trauma doesn’t exist in this world, because Sisu lost every single one of her siblings, and just, doesn’t show any sign of grieving or remorse she just doesn’t give a thought to them. Except for the backstory bit but she just doesn’t seem to care. Also just a side note, none of those side characters are developed at all and just there for practically comic relief. The whole resolution of the movie is them putting the gem together and then all “hugging” each other and wow look at that it worked. *inhales* and then when Sisu comes back, she has the most emotionally dead response to Raya, none of the character reuniting is good. You know, if you have seen storks, that near end montage where all the babies are brought to the people? Yeah, that was 100% better then the resolutions of Raya and the Last Dragon. One scene that ticked me off so much was when that ninja baby was reunited with her parents, the mom, oh my gosh, she looked as if she had just found an old purse she misplaced. She did not look- ah I can’t even put it into words just look up the clip to get it.

That’s all that I have to say about the movie, I probably have more somewhere but honestly I couldn’t put it into words. Now, you know, I have to give this movie a few good opinions. The movie looked amazing, great character design(except for the dragons I dispose them) and everything looks gorgeous. As well as the animal design, I wish I could have seen more animals honestly they all looked really interesting and unique.

Sorry this post was so long I just wanted to put my opinions out there.

[crazyforhorror]

Babysitting! Dally X child! Reader

A/N: So one of my best friends ( @horror-madness25 ) helped me with this idea and I thought it would be to see what would happen if I wrote Dally to have to babysit a kiddo reader! So here we go!

~ Dally Pov~

"Dally, you hate kids. Why are you babysitting?" You may be asking...Well, let me tell you how I got into this mess.

My sister has to work a super long shift and her sitter called out last minuet. Dad's not in the picture....Her only option for her kid, Y/N was me. That leads me to the current situation.

" Y/N please, stop screaming!" I exclaim to the screaming four year old.

"Unkew awwy!!!! Wu mean!" * Y/N yelled back to me. I had told them that they had to nap amd were not aloud to color on the walls, apparently that pissed the kid off. I rub my face with my hands and groan, "look, you are clearly tired, Y/N. Please stop fighting it and take your nap!"

I have no clue how my sister does this all the time! She is crazy! There was a knock at the door that even Y/N paused thier tantrum for. I answer the door to see Two-Bit looking at me in shock.

"D-Dall....do you have a.... a kid?" Two gasps out.

"No, that crazy four year old is my sister's kid, Y/N and I am having problems.... They wont stop screaming their lungs out and will NOT take their scheduled nap." My hands find my face again as Two Bit makes his way over to little Y/N, crouching and smiling at them.

"we are going on a feild trip with uncle Dally and uncle Two Bit ok?" Two then picks the kid up and puts them on his hip, me grabbing their bags and sippy cup before we leave to head to the Curtis house hold.

The looks of surprise when I have Y/N's stuff and Two carrying them made me almost chuckle. "Its my sister's kid not mine or Two Bit's." I tell a very concerned looking Darry, who in turn sighs in relief. Y/N had at some point fallen asleep with thier head on Two Bit's shoulder and holding his Mickey Mouse shirt in their chubby toddler hand. I was just glad the four year old loose cannon was asleep. Annnnd I lied, they just woke up fussing again.

"What's wrong little darlin'?" Soda asks as he takes Y/N from Two, who went and got a beer and sat with Steve.

"Tummy huwt." little Y/N says with flushed cheeks. **

SodaPop digs through the diaper bag one handed while holding Y/N and finds some medicine while Ponyboy rushes to the stove and makes some chicken noodle soup for the kid. I feel kind of bad beause I am so horrible with kids and had no clue they were feeling sick. Darry told me not to beat myself up over it, having seen the look of shame cross my face and told me to go hold them. I sat on the couch and took Y/N from Soda, sticking the little toddler onto my lap and cuddling them to my chest. They played with my necklace as they sniffled with their little nose. I kiss Y/N on the top of the head and make a note to tell my sister that her child was in fact not feeling too well. Once they were fed the soup and medicine, Two put them between his legs on the floor and watched Mickey Mouse, Y/N was very happy and clapped as the animated mouse came across the small television screen.

Before I knew it, the nigh was over, Y/N was asleep cuddled into my arms on one couch and the guys were spread out asleep too. My sister knew if I wasn't at my place I was here, so she was probobly on her way over to pick up Y/N and I found myself starting to not mind the little rascal's company...Just don't tell anyone.

Key:

*Uncle Dally, you're mean

** Tummy hurts

A/N: This was my first time writing for the Outsiders, I hope You liked it!

[ducknotinarow]

Musical Scholar for Buddy and Richard

| musical scholar

Why buddy get two? because he is an adorable loaf of garlic bread uwu You will be okay - lol you also made mention of this song for Richard to sing to Buddy since I know you haven't seen the show imma give context. This song is sung when the daughter has a nightmare that she can't find her dad anywhere and it scares her. Which I'm sure is something the poor baby maye worry about when it comes to their past.

It always feels so quiet in the dark It always feels so stark How silence grows under the moon And its always gone so soon I used to think that I was bold I used to think love was for fun Now all my stories have been told except for one - I would say this is a nice start to the song because nighttime is ofc dark and its easy for a kid to get scared when it's dark and have nightmares. And With buddys past Im sure waking in the dark after getting scared wouldn't help them any. So it be like claiming them and reassuring them that it's okay its just dark out speaking of the night sky since Buddy likes looking at the stars. the second bit well Richard has lived quite a life and been through some things many of his stories have been told and things he once thought have been shown differently. But he still has a story being told now being a family,and more so being a father to buddy.-

As the stars start to align I hope you take it as a sign that you'll be okay Everything will be okay And if the Seven Hells collapse Although the day will be my last You will be okay When I'm gone you'll be okay -Tracking back to Bailey telling Buddy about his (good) grandparents becoming stars, this would be Richard alluding to the same story that Buddy always has family watching over him, even when things are bad or seem bad Buddy isn't alone and never will be. Buddy will be okay though because even when not right there Richard will still be there for Buddy, or his other family members as well ;3; looking out for him and all.

The day that you arrived the sun went black An artificial night You came and stole away the light And put it in your eyes How could I possibly suspect That you eclipsed the midnight sun I thought that I knew all the moves But then you pulled me back to one -This is for the surprise Buddy was when coming into their life, Buddy became another light in Richard's own life and had put the eagle though many unexpected things he never saw happening to him. How much he cares and worries over buddy, Buddy may be unexpected but he has also become the welcome unexpected surprise that Richard couldn't see having as his son. Buddy may be an AI but that doesn't even factor because what makes Buddy Buddy is past the artificial -

Basically Buddy was a surprise, in Richard's story but he loves them so much ;3; even if Buddy cant find Richard when scared Richard will be there and he wants Buddy to know hell always be okay because they have a lot of love always with them even when they aren't with Buddy at the time. I'm also giving you this song though uwu because I had two in mind and I think this would also be cute for Richard to sing to Buddy You are my sunshine I know this is a love song buuuut I know many who sing it to their kids as well uwu The other night, dear As I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you, in my arms When I awoke, dear I was mistaken So I hung my head and I cried -Richard would be very sad if Buddy wasn't around, he doesn't fully know (atm maybe?) what Buddy went through in the past but he never wants Buddy to feel he would be wanted in their new life-

You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You'll never know, dear How much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away -Buddy is like a little sunshine ball of feathers ;3; esp since they love yellow so much. Buddy is the dumbs sunshine and they found them so they are thiers now they would be very sad if anyone or thing tried to take the baby away ;3; Richard said it before he couldn't see himself with out Buddy in his life now -

I'll always love you And make you happy And nothing else could come between But if you leave me to allow another You'll have shattered all of my dreams -Buddy never has to worry about lose their place because Buddy is irreplaceable ;3; but and i;ve said it on discord Richard will need some time to get used to letting go as Buddy grows but he would worry that may mean losing Buddy in a way ;3; this is just general parent worrying. Richard wouldn't wanna push his baby away he's just worried and protective of the baby-

[tohruhondaismydaughter]

I've just discovered there's people who hate Kakeru. Not dislike or don't get the hype about him but genuinely seem to hate him. Now obviously personal preferences are a thing but I seriously don't get where this hate could be coming from because with

1. Akito- phyically assaults people (including kids), held a teenager hostage for daiting & trying to take a box of her's that Akito already knew was empty & also stabbed someone after they tried to help her & left them to potentially die

2. Shigure- regularly makes perverted "jokes" about people who are underage (including the 16 year old girl who lives with him & cleans/cooks for him + he's family) & admits to manipulating everyone around him for he's own selfish goal regardless of how it could hurt others & that he dosn't really care about being kind even to the people he supposedly loves + he likes messing with people he knows are already terribly anxious & he also won in the end while never having to actually sacrifice anything important to him or really learn anything of value

3. Ayame- abounded he's brother to abuse till he was almost 30 & says various inappropriate things in front of & towards High Schoolers

4. Kagura- pretended to love someone 3 years younger then her who she saw as beneath her in a violent (though it was obviously in out-dated slap stick) way until she was like 18 & then slaps Tohru so hard she becomes uncounsious

5. Kureno- enabler of Akito despite no longer being supernaturally bound to her & knowingly fell for a High Schooler

6. Hatori- enabler of Akito & erasers people's memories when told to regardless of how he knows it'll hurt others

7. Katsuya- knowingly married (& later impregnated) isolated & homeless 15 year old Kyoko when he was in he's 20's after meeting her as a teacher in her middle school

8. Ren- everything about her

9. Kyo's sperm donor- everything about him

10. Momiji's parents- how they handled the situation

11. Machi's mum- raised her daughter like a robot, replaced her, insulted her entire personality, acussed her of attempted murder with bassically zero evidence, kicked her out of her home, cut her off from her sibling & only ocasnially calls to insult her leading to her developing a rather unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with her damaged mental health

12. Machi & Kakeru's dad- cheated on his wife, made he's kids fight over thier inheritance before getting another child & then treating the first two like they no longer exsisted

13. Kakeru's mum- took years to realise that she shouldn't use her child to get money/power from an affair

14. Haru- got a little too insistent about phyical affection from someone who he knows is super emotinally scarred (I still love him though just don't think certain scenes with Rin were handeld as delicately as they probably should have been) & can get rather harsh to random people when he goes dark (the worse case of this being when he grabbed Tohru's arm)

15. Rin's parents- belong in hell

16. The Sohma maids (especially the old one)- are part of the reason Akito became as messed up as she did + just straight up seem to not view kids or the zodiac as human beings with thier own feelings or rights

17. Uo's mum- straight up abounded her young daughter after getting into a new relationship

18. Yuki & Ayame's mum- narsastic, dismissive, controlling, litrually sold one of her kids to thier abuser in exchange for wealth/status, never apologised or even acknowledged what she had done

19. Akira- pursued a relationship pretty much out of pure lonleyness, went along with the suppression of Akito's biological gender, didn't do enough to protect Akito from he's wife's abuse (though in he's defense he was incredible sickly), last few things he told he's child before dying was that he was glad he had her as proof of he's relationship with Ren (AKA the person that had made it clear to Akito that she hated her guts) & that she was special due to being god & her bond with the zodiac was her birth right & would always be there (leading Akito to obviously feeling possessive & intilted over the zodiac & base her entire identity on her position as their god)

20. Kyoko- neglected infant Tohru for months due to her depression after Katuya's death & was even planning on killing herself to be with him again before finally coming to her senses (I love her & I tottally get why she did what she did but if it weren't for gramps little Tohru would have been in one hell of bad situation)

21. The Yuki Fan Club- just thier entire attitude towards Yuki & any girl that interacts with him (I get that it's obviously a delibretly over the top anime gag but irl the way they behave would be seriously disturbing & I'm pretty sure might even be illegal now what with all the photos taken of Yuki without he's knowledge)

22. The former school president- he's creepy fravriotisim towards Yuki (& later he's son) & he's flat out harrasing of anyone wearing the school uniform in a none tradishinal way or anyone with an unusual hair colour (despite him bassically admitting that the school officials had already said that Momiji, Haru & Kyo's appearances were ok)

23. Kimi- I like her & she's obviously iconic but honestly the way she treats Machi kind of borders on bullying sometimes for me

24. Hiro- he's a child & I like him but when we first met him you can't deny he was being a grade A shit to Tohru, Kisa & everyone else (& he fucks up again with Tohru during the beach arc)

25. Rin- love her so much but the first time she met Tohru she did try to kick her in the head while in her horse form which you know isn't great & she was rather antagonistic towards Yuki for no real vaild reason

26. Kyo- using Yuki as a scape goat he's entire life even when he knew none of the terrible things that had happened to him were actually he's fault, hurting Tohru in he's true form (I get that he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it still wasn't good) & rejecting Tohru after everything they had been through in the way that he did (again he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it's still an incredibly low blow & I think he knew that as he tragically wanted to hurt her, similar to what he did in the true form scene, badly enough that she would finally choose to give up on him)

27. The entire zodiac (outside of Kagura & maybe Momiji)- it is revealed that the zodiac are supernaturally inclined to look down on the cat & that they know about Kyo's tragic fate yet do not plan on trying to stop it from happening as he's suffering is thier one true reprieve in the curse as no matter what happens to them they will never be as "low down" as the cat yet once the curse finally breaks for everybody almost nobody even thinks to apologises to Kyo for how he was made to be an outsider since birth

28. Naohito- decides to hate Yuki out of jelousy because he has feelings for Motoko (who clearly has feelings for Yuki) despite Yuki showing no romantic feelings for Motoko & barley sharing any kind of connection with her at all which is obviously not fair as just because you happen to be liked by someone who is liked by someone else dosn't mean you should have to except being seen as a bad person (especially as in Yuki's case he never tried to encourage Motoko's obsession with him & in fact barley notices her exsistance as they aren't in any of the same social circles & she follows the ridiculous club rule of not speaking to him without another fan club member present)

29. Yuki- rather judgmental over how others choose to present themselves in regards to gender norms

30. Momiji- I love him but he did try to take advange of Tohru not knowing how old he really was to bath with her & did actually mange to use this fact to sleep along side her one night before she found out how old he actually was (now obviously Momiji is a wonderfully kind person & clearly would never actually do anything to hurt Tohru but let's be real if someone did that to you irl you'd be pretty creeped out & understandably have a hard time trusting them again)

31. Yuki & Ayame's father- has always been complety missing from he's kids lives (& even seemingly he's wive's) despite being mentioned to be still alive & well enough to work

32. Uo's dad- getting dumped for someone else must suck especially when your left with a young child & I know he did eventually clean up he's act but there's no changing the fact that he's years as an alcholic messed up Uo really bad & could have led to her death if Kyoko hadn't stepped in

33. Kazuma- I know he had good intentions & I love him but there's no denying that he did ignore Kyo's right to free will when he removed he's bracelet & though the plan ended up making he's life better if it had gone wrong in any way then Kyo had pretty much admitted (at least to himself) in S2E9 that he would have probably killed himself that night which would have clearly destroyed Tohru

34. Kyo's mum - she was obviously treated terribly by her husband & I do feel sorry for her but her way of dealing with the situation really damaged Kyo

Your really telling me that the character you have the most issues with is a boy who said a few horrible things to the MC when he was 15 in service of someone he loved who was in pain, got told by said loved one that what he'd said was wrong, felt bad about it, befriended a lonley teen that was close to the MC, quickly grew to genuinely care about them & made them come out of thier shell, wanted to help he's half sister but knew he wasn't really the right person for the job, realised that he's new friend was, encouraged the friend & he's sister's growing connection, learned how good of a person the MC has been to he's new friend, admits to he's friend that he'd been horrible to the MC in the past but just dosn't know how to go about rectifying it (especially as she dosn't seem to remember him), introduces he's friend to he's GF (further expanding the friend's positive social circle), finally bumps into MC alone & is shocked to find out that she dose now in fact remember him & even appoliges to him + thanks him for bringing her friend out of thier shell before he comes to he's senses & assures her that she has nothing to apologise for & then visits her in the hospital when she gets injured & even goes shopping for a gift to give her beforehand (even if he dosn't end up getting her something that actually fits her personality because well duh he dosn't really know anything about her).

Out of every questionably moral thing in the series this is really the hill you wanna die on?

I just honestly can't understand it. Sure he's not perfect but then no one in the series is. That's kind of the entire point of the story, that anyone can do things that hurt people but that it's what you choose to do going forward (even if it takes you a long time) that's important & Kakeru, eventually, chose to try to do the right thing. He tried to understand Yuki even though the guy didn't seem to like him at all, he chose to check up on Machi even though she seemingly hadn't made any sign of wanting to deepen thier sibling bond, he chose to finally talk to Tohru instead of continuing the ruse that he'd never spoken to her before, he chose to come clean about what happened to Yuki despite the potential of ending their friendship (& you can't tell me once he'd realised how much Yuki cared for Tohru the very real possibility that Yuki might hate him if he found out what he'd said to her wouldn't worry him at all) & he chose to visit Tohru in the hospital instead of just wishing Yuki luck or hoping Kormaki would go so he could avoid feeling uncomfortable.

You don't have to love him or even like him but I really don't think he deserves this amount of hate (especially incomparsion to some of the other characters I've listed).

[harveybwabbit92]

Ghost stories my dad has told me.

The first he was a teenager, I’m not sure of his age because, he told me this story a long time ago. But I digress, He a teenager and he had just decided he didn’t want to live with my grandma, 

so my Dad and two of his friend get jobs and rent a small house owned by another friend’s uncle. They move in things are going fine, for the first few months ....

Then creepy shit started happening, the lights would burn out even if the bulbs were just replaced, they would notice cold spots and hear movement like scraping on the floor upstairs assumed was mice or a squirrel chilling in the floorboards,and this stray cat My dad and co. had adopted it suddenly wanted nothing to do with the upstairs area, like it would look up at my dad’s room and growl.

It kind of came to a head one night when my dad, I won’t lie he did what most teenagers did in the 70s he smoked hash and decided that he couldn’t sleep and thought a joint would help relax him; so, he grabbed a box he kept under his bed, took one he made earlier and was going light up.

But he couldn’t get his lighter going so he kept flicking; his room is pitch black mind you. And while his doing this he keeps noticing a few times when the lighter would briefly stay on for a split second he would see something in his peripheral he couldn’t make it out at first then he noticed it was getting closer.... 

(He described it as that scene in the first conjuring film, where the mom trying to see who’s in the basement and the hands appear behind her head and clap.)

After what seemed like forever he finally gets his stupid lighter going, and sees a kid wearing brown pants and a stripe t-shirt standing next to his bed at least he think it was a kid, from his description he could make out the blue and yellow stripes on the shirt but as he look to see a face, he saw from the neck up the kid’s skin turned jet black and looked like morphsuit, it was same story with his arms they look normal at the bicep but turned black at the elbow.

Dad thought at first it was one of his friends screwing with him, He started laughing at first even telling them it was good prank, how long did it take them to do that? the kid didn’t respond which creeped my dad out more, finally the thing starts moving it’s hand up twowards my dad’s shoulder but before it could do anything my dad told them to.

Knock it off! 

He tried to shove them away, only for his hand to go right through thier body whatever it was vanished as soon as my dad’s hand made contact, needless to say to say he scared shitless he sprung from the bed and turned his lights on and saw no one.

the next day he moved out of that room and into the garage refusing to step foot in his old room. He kept it lock and put a crucifix on the door to keep whatever it was in that room trapped,

His friends thought he was nuts and picked on him for a while. then the friend’s uncle died and the uncle’s wife kicked them out so her son and his family could move in, last My dad heard. they moved out after three months because their kids kept freaking out about a monster in their play room wearing a striped shirt.

Story 2: The old woman in the hall. [takes place in 1989.]

So, at this point my Dad around 25 he’s dating my mom whose pregnant with my middle older half-sister. he, my mom, and oldest half-sister who was about 3-4 when this took place. they had moved into this fairly new apartment complex that was built next to a cemetery and due to the size of the building the graveyard had to be partially relocated and expanded to across the road.

Things are calm he’s settling into the dad role for my sister and has decent job working construction. But in the back of his mind he can’t shake the feeling that somethings hinky about the building, doors would open after he’d close them, lights would die, he would hear the faucets turning on and when he went to check to see who was using the sink no one would be there. 

It started to freak my dad out, especially when he started thinking back to the striped shirt incident, then he berated himself for thinking about that, he kept telling himself, that he fell asleep after a bad trip and it was all in his head.

Then one night he woke up at like 3AM for no reason, so he’s laying there in bed staring at the ceiling, when he hears what sounds like footsteps in the hall coming from the bathroom. His immediate thought was “oh [Mom’s name] got up to pee, she woke me up by accident...” he sighs then looked over to my mom’s side of the bed only to see her sleeping next to him like a log.

So my dad is basically shitting bricks wondering “who the hell is in my house?!?” Not wanting my mom to freak out, Dad slowly sits up and and was about to get off the bed when he heard the footsteps coming down the hall toward their room.

Imagine my dad’s shock when instead of some burglar standing in his sights like a deer in the lights, he sees this thin almost emaciated old woman in a lavender nightgown staring back at him almost glaring, Of course my dad thinks he’s dreaming! He going to blink a few times; wake up for real, and there will no one stand there! He does just that and the old woman did not go away, she was still there glaring at him before calmly turning and shambling away out of view.

As soon as she left his sight, My dad quietly got up went out into the hall checked the bathroom, everything was dry, even though he heard the faucets going, he checks my sister’s room she sleeping without a care in the world, he the checks the living room/Kitchen nothing, checks the doors: locked.

then he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, something was watching him from outside, he goes over to balcony unlocks the sliding door; lit a cigarette and just looked out into cemetery, that’s how my mom found him two hours later and three smokes in... 

He asks her if anything weird was going on with this apartment before he moved in. She tries to humor him by saying that he’s the weirdest thing going on. until she noticed my dad’s hands were shaking how freaked out he looked, He told her what happened, she called bullshit, then three days later she’s calling my dad at work in panic telling him about seeing an old lady in the living room!

[Mom’s story as told from my dad]  

Mom was doing laundry while keeping an eye on my sister via a mirror she had angled toward to living room making sure she was still watching TV and coloring, then my mom turned away because she dropped something, and when she looked back towards the living room. 

She saw this thin old woman sitting on the couch behind my sister giving my mom the Kubrick stare, Mom freaks get up while yelling at this woman, only to find my sister watching reruns of the Care bears looking at mom like she’s lost her marbles, mom looks back at the mirror there’s nothing there she checks the whole apartment and nothing, then called my dad.

Who then asked for a description? It was same thin woman in the lavender nightgown! then he asked what was the first thing she felt after making sure the apartment was safe? she described the same sense of dread the feeling of being watched and sure enough she was sitting outside on the balcony staring at the cemetery while she was telling my dad this.

They moved out a few weeks later after they caught my sister trying to unlock the balcony door “because the lady wanted to show her something.”  the apartment was basically vacant after that, people would stay for like 3-5 months tops than move, so the manager just gave up turned it into a storage room.

[captiancap]

Man-eater

(this is more of a Prolouge I guess? know I said part 2 of I notice you was going to happen but ive also been wanting to shed some light on this particular boy so here you go pls forgive. TW: Arachnophobia)

Being a security guard means you've seen some odd things. It paid well and you didn't actually have to use the taser as much as you first thought, so you kept doing it. You got recommended to different places but never to far from home.

But seeing weird things was pretty normal. People making out in places they shouldn't be, people doing drugs in places they shouldn't be, people just generally being in places they shouldn't be. One time you actually managed to stop what you think was an attempted kidnapping in a warehouse.

That warehouse has always given you strange vibes even before that incident. It seems to attract all the weirdos, which made some sense because the guy who owned it was a big weirdo too.

Or well... Actually that's false. He wasn't a weirdo. A bit quiet, okay, very quiet, and an odd sense of fashion but he was always polite. Greeting you when you happened to cross paths and occasionally thanking you for keeping watch as well as you do.

You never bothered to ask his name. Why would you? Besides he was easy enough to point out to anyone who wanted to know for themselves.

He's a big guy. Very big. Towering over even your tallest coworkers at a good 7 feet tall at least. And as impolite as this may sound, he was fat, definitely. Dad bod on point, as the kids say. Lots of pitch black hair all over his body covering extremely pale skin , messy and unkept. But you could tell he was strong.

He has to be what with him constantly carrying large containers to and from the warehouse. You've offered to help a few times but he's always brushed you off. Simply saying it wasn't a problem for him.

Alright, whatever Mr. Strong Man.

That was all you really knew about him. He was polite, big, quiet, and could probably bench press two of you. It's not like you chatted with him everyday, infact he only came around about 3 times a month.

It's silly really but after awhile, around summer, you developed a bit of a crush on this mysterious man. You contemplated asking him out, if only just to get to know him more, but didn't want to seem like a creep. In all honesty it was probably very hard to creep him out.

One hot day while he was taking a break from un-loading a few of the usual large containers, you decided to make a move. If it could even be considered that. No dinner or movie offer but you did ask his name.

He turned his head to face in your direction, the dark hair covering his eyes swayed slightly. It felt like he was analyzing you. Like a highschooler analyzed a frog just before cutting it open to get to the real stuff. You waverd, thinking that maybe 'prosuing' him wasn't such a good idea.

"Mastiff." He replied. Russian accent thick, but not incomprehensible. You chuckled nervously and introduced yourself. "I already knew your name" He says. You ask him how that is, a bit confused.

He pauses, then smiles, the slightest twitch of the lips. He points to his own chest and says "Name tag."

You mentally face-palm so hard you get dizzy for a second. Laughing it off once again you apologize for being an idiot. The feeling of being picked apart by his eyes leaves and you two actually have a decent conversation till he finishes packing things away.

You've never seen him smile that much before.

You've made a habit of talking to him when you get the chance. He doesn't seem to mind and is actually very good at conversation. You find out he's a writer and that some of the containers hold large amounts of books he has already read. Not all of the containers though.

He shows up more often, almost once a week. It actually catches you off gaurd when he's the one to ask you for a date. Of course the little crush hadn't gone away but you forgot about actively going after him in favor of enjoying conversation. You agree and he asks when you would be free.

You set up a time and date and for a while its all you think about. You two were going to see some old movie at a drive in who's whole thing was 'the movies are crap but hey free fireworks!'. Mastiff said he went there once as a child and it had scared the Jesus out of him, not the movie, but the fireworks. It sounded exciting.

On that night you tried to dress nice but not over dress. The line between which was very blurred that evening. Mastiff had picked you up at the park a few blocks from where you lived. His car was black, much like everything else he seemed to own.

He looked very nice, or that might be the fact that's you've only seen him in dirty jeans and T-shirts. He had on a simple undershirt and cardigan as well as some actually clean jeans. All of which were, of course, black. Maybe it was a goth thing. He could definitely be a goth.

The conversation as always was enjoyable and relaxed. You learned that he had many siblings, the exact number never specified, and two fathers. Of course he inquired about your family and you told him what you were comfortable with for the time and place.

You arrived after another half hour and parked in the nearly deserted lot. A few kids were running around waiting for the movie to start. Mastiff sets up the blankets on the trunk and you take a seat.

You pat the space next to you but he shakes his head. He says he needed to stretch his legs for a bit. 15 minutes later he's still standing. You scoot across the trunk to be closer to him.

Halfway through the movie you start to hear him mumble when certain things happen. You try to hear what exactly he's saying but it's rough and forgien. Russian probably.

The movie ends and people start to move around and set up fireworks. Mastiff goes to the back seat, bringing back a pack of rainbow sparklers.

"I didn't want to bring anything too illegal." He jokes. He takes a lighter out of his pocket and hands you the sparkler just as the colors start to change. Funny, you didn't take him for a smoker.

You two go through the whole pack while watching people who did bring more illegal items shoot them off into the sky. You look over and see the colorful lights illuminate Mastiff's profile. He should wear color more often, it's nice on him.

He drops you off at your apartment building after it's well into the night. You attempt to give him a small kiss on the cheek but he's so damn tall. He notices your attempt and instead of just bending down to make it easier for you, he lifts you up by the waist and places a soft kiss on your jaw.

You're a bit surprised, flustered, as he sets you down gently. He smiles, "I had fun tonight, when would you be available again?" You stutter out that you would be getting a day off next week, which you have yet to actually ask for. "Perfect. May I see your phone?"

You hand him your phone and he puts his number in. "Call me with the details when you have them alright?" You agree and take your phone back. You say you're goodbyes, he drives off and you head into your apartment.

You scream into your pillow with excitement. Why are you like this? You're an adult, you've had tons of kisses. No one has ever lifted you as easily as he did before but that wasn't so bad.

You spend a few minutes debating if you should text him tonight. No, no, can't be to clingy, plus he's probably driving still. Can't endanger a possible future boyfriend.

Sleep doesn't come easy that night but when it finally does it isn't pleasent. You have a nightmare, a very vivid one. You're actually in Mastiff's warehouse, peeking around with a flashlight. You look at one of the larger containers in the room. You remember this container, Mastiff had said that it held something that used to belong to his father. Something scuttles across the floor.

You whip around and shine your light across the room. Empty. It's just you there. You turn back to the box and everything in your body is telling you to leave it alone and walk away. But you don't listen.

You un-latch the sides and open it.

Suddenly you are hit with the horrid smell of rotten, burned meat. You watch as millions of spiders crawl out of the container and cover the floor. They crawl up your legs and bite you mercilessly. You're forzen as the spiderlings make thier way up your arms and to your face. They dig at your eyes and crawl into your ears and nose. You suffocate.

You jolt from your sleep and make a loud gasping sound. You'll never take air for granted ever again. You lay there for a few minutes, the sun barely peeking in from your window, still feeling frozen but thankful for the lack of billions of legs and tiny teeth scampering across your body.

The horrifying dream began to fade as you started your morning routine. Your shift didn't start till later in the day so you had a few hours to kill. Once again you debated texting Mastiff but decided against it.

You made food and checked all your social media while lounging on the couch. When that got boring you called your boss to actually ask for the day off next week. She agreed rather easily, though the comment about how you've been looking stressed lately wasn't very appreciated. You felt fine.

You did. You swear.

Work was the same as usual. Mastiff didn't show up which was also normal. You found yourself glancing at his warehouse more than usual. You weren't permitted to enter anyone's personal storage but you kept inching closer to it's entrace without knowing.

You stopped yourself before you could open the door.

Next week rolled around and you had finally gathered the courage to text Mastiff. You learned he preffered to call, that's cool, you like listening to him. He told you he was a bit concerned that he scared you off after you not contacting him for a few days. You reassure him that you are in no way scared off and that you were just, once again, being an idiot.

You two arranged to meet at a nice local cafe that Thursday. Once again the line between dressed appropriately and over dressed was unclear to you, but you managed. You walked in and immediatly you saw him. Gosh he sticks out like a sore thumb in a place like this.

Black, as always, is the preferred hue. But he looked good and comfortable so you suppose that's what matters. You walked over and sat across from him. He smiled at you, which still felt odd to see.

"You look nice, what's the occasion?" He asked. You joked with him saying that you had a date with a really cute guy and wanted to make a good impression. He chuckled, "I'm sure he already thinks you're great."

You blushed.

It was a nice brunch. Excellent conversation as always. You didn't bring up the dream but you did tell him about that one secret hobby you're embarrassed to tell most people about. He thought it was charming. You blushed alot that day.

You noticed he didn't eat much yet still paid for everything. You told him you felt a bit guilty about that but he brushed it off.

"It's no problem. Really." He would tell you. You weren't so sure about that but he shut you up real fast with another gentle kiss. You swore that he would be the death of you and he laughed.

That's how it went for a long time. Dates happened more frequently, you learned more about him but not enough for him to lose that mysterious air that drew you too him in the first place. You shared embarrassing stories, him admitting that before taking it seriously that he used to write for smut magazines, and you confessed that incident in school where it was totally you who did it but you just kept your mouth shut and someone else got blamed.

You got close. Not -let's move in together and have babies- close, but close enough that you've spent a few nights at his house and vice versa. It was one of those Saturday mornings in his kitchen that he officially asked you to go steady with him.

It didn't take much convincing for you to say yes. You really liked Mastiff, and from the sounds of it he really liked you. Being able to call him your boyfriend was like iceing on the cake. And you called him that alot.

'Boyfriend' often took the place of his name in conversations. It annoyed him a little but you were having fun so he let you get away with it. He had his fair share of nicknames for you as well, some of the Russian ones weren't all that appropriate but he wouldn't tell you which ones.

It was comfortable. Very comfortable. For awhile. He hid it well, but not forever. It actually surprised you that he told you of his own accord more than what he told you.

He realized one night while eating that if he wanted to be serious with you that he needed to confess something. You got the call and headed over to his house right after your shift ended.

He didn't look... Guilty. He looked calm and stoic, like when you first met him. You took a seat at the dinning table and asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. He just leaned over the table and kissed you. That's when it hit.

A strong taste of iorn. Of blood. You reel back and see the small stream of red coming from his mouth. Of course you freak out and start asking if he's hurt. He shakes his head and tries to explain but as he opens his mouth you see long, bulbous blood stained fangs.

And you're frozen again. You're standing frozen in your boyfriend of 8 months kitchen, watching as he tries to explain that he isn't human all the while small streams of blood run down his jaw.

That's the first time you see him get close to crying. He doesn't actually but he gets close. His voice wavers and his hands shake only slightly. But he gets through it. He gets through his confession of being... Something you can't remember... And waits for your response.

You run.

What were you supposed to do? Stay? Hug him and tell him it's okay and you still love him? He most likely just ate someone.

You can't go back home so you stay with a friend for a few days. You're still in shock for the most part and she's kind enough not to ask questions. It's on the 4th day of this hiding out plan that he contacts you. It's a simple text just saying 'Please'. Your heart hurts a little when you read it.

You know he prefers to call, to hear your voice.

You type back 'what'.

You and him talk but it's mostly him trying to explain again. He asks to meet up, somewhere public so you can be comfortable, and you stare at the screen of your phone.

You take a deep breath, then write out your reply.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Rant...on depression and toxic relationships

Ok so no one said anything or did anything in particular that made me want to rant, rather this is something that's been on my mind for a while and I sort of needed to vent especially after these last crappy 3 years.

So just a lot of background in 2017 my younger brother died in an accident. Everyone handles grief differently, I didn't handle mine at all. I arranged his funeral and picked his headstone and casket, I finished my last semester of college and got my degree, and helped start a scholarship in his memory, I became the speaker and awarder of another scholarship in his memory started by a non-profit, I started some masters classes over the summer online, got ready to move from a small rural idahoan town to Portland, Oregon, and supported my siblings as they grieved. My mom and grandparents (paternal) took it the hardest and I made sure I was there for them as much as possible.

Once I moved aand started school, while i loved the independence i had and I fell in love with the city, I struggled hard. It started off great and I was doing so well the first semester, then I was having trouble sleeping. I was staying up later and later until it got to the point were I wasnt sleeping at all. I would get the urge to pace around and do quick strides across the room and then hop back in bed. Then I lost my appetite, just wasnt hungry, then i lost my ability to tell when i was full or not. I wasnt hungry but i knew i had to eat so i would eat but just keep eating until i realized that i probably should stop after eating an entire pizza by myself or a whole Costco cheesecake (what the hell I wasnt even hungry?!?!). Then I started having anxiety problems, i would try to read for class or right a paper and my mind couldnt focus or think I couldnt write or remember the sentence I just reread four times. I'd get so angry and upset with myself that I would stay to throw up. And I couldn't stop. It got so bad that so much as looking at a book or opening my laptop would have me running to the bathroom. That's when I started isolating myself from the friend as i made there. I couldnt go out because I need to do school work (which never got done) and I would just spend the day crying in front of my laptop frustrated with myself and vomiting non stop. Then I became apathetic. I went from this organized strong focused lady who could finish college plan a funeral and make time to talk and care for her family and brother's grieving friends, to this lonely pathetic sick crybaby who didnt even want to talk on the phone with her grandma (how I saw myself at the time). I didnt want to go to class which I was loving at first. Then I actually started missing classes because I couldnt even get out of bed. But I wanted to I would spend hour in bed internally yelling at myself to get up, but it felt like the rest of me didnt want to listen and I started to hate myself for it. Then the suicidal ideations began. It was so subtle and harmless at first. I didnt want to talk to people but staying at home wasnt enough because they can come find me or call or whatever. But no one can interrupts you in the shower. So I started taking long showers. It was only once a day. Then it became twice a day. Then three. Showers turned into baths(which I hated as a until then) and pretty soon I was spending the whole day in the bathroom thinking about how much I just wanted to disappear. Just wanting to be left alone in the tub and never come out again. I didnt it think it was bad, but when I told my friend (who was seriously concerned at my avoidance of her and missing classes) she did think it was bad. I started going to a counselor and eventually started taking medication for sleep and depression (which was later switched to medication for PTSD). I finished the year and did well thanks to the support of my cohort and professors. Then my cousin died and I came back home to take care of my family. I took the year off. And in this year my aunt died, another cousin and this three sons were in a terrible accident which killed three of them and left one with permanent brain damage, and my mother left.

My mother leaving is kind of a big one because this isnt the first time. I just want to say that I love my mother and she has never physically or verbally abused me. But she is toxic as hell. She never grew up. Eloped at 18 to get out of an abusive household, had me at 19 and then my brother at 20, then my father died, she took care of us with the help of my grandparents for a while, then she took off for California with some guy and left me and my brother until her parents made her come back. Then she had my other brother. She was good for a couple of years and then had an affair and took off with some one for a couple of months, she came back. Then she had my sister, miscarried 2 times, and eventually had my baby brother (now 7). And she was mostly doing good, of course I was a co-parent, i took thier schooling and safety more seriously than my mom. If it wasnt for my grandparents, my brother and I wouldnt have had childhoods. He was my partner co-parent, but at my dads parents he was just my brother and best friend. My mom loves us but she is selfish. So I always tried to be selfless, but I also tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because she always comes back. She never apologizes or acknowledges what she had done she just comes back. It never bothered me before I just thought "well this is how she is and I mean she loves me and comes back, she isnt abusive so I cant complain".

Well she left in March and while my other brother and I had been through this and were just kind of indifferent to it. My sister was devastated and my little brother and his routine were messed up. My step dad was an angry mess and so I took care of them all and tried to be the adult (I mean I am an adult right?). I informed him of his rights and options such as divorce. He said he wanted to and I said I could help him with the papers. But I mean I figured she'd come back and i told my sister this over and over again. But honestly i was starting to become less indifferent as I watched what this was doing to her 16yr old psyche and how much it was hurting my brother especially because he didnt seem to understand what was going on.

She came back the beginning of this month after two weeks of coming back to the home to try to take her stuff, fighting with my stepdad, trying to take my little brother (not my sister which also hurt her feelings) and then stealing money from my brother.

And the thing is yall, I was ready and willing to just accept that and just do what we always do and pretend that it didnt happen even though for the first time (I was angry about it because of how much my siblings were hurting). But the thing is, my mother wont talk to me or look me in the eye. She came back and I tried to say high and give her a hug and she just avoided me. Which I was like ok fine you are in a mood let me know when that is over. Then my brother got into an accident (not fatal or serious thank God). She could have called me to let me know, to asked me to pick up the kids, to let me calmly inform them. She did not. She called my sister in a panic to tell her that my brother was in a bad accident (it wasn't) and they were looking for him and for her to find a ride home with a friend. This of course sent my sister into a panic attack she didnt know what to do or even if anyone had picked up our little brother. So she did what all of my siblings do when they are scared, in danger, or completely unaware of what they should do: She called me.

I calmed her down I told her to get on the bus and I'd stay on the phone with her. I had my grandma call the police department to see if they knew of the accident and could give information that would help me locate my brother (they couldnt) and had her call the school to see if anyone had picked up my brother (my stepdad had). I stayed on the phone with her as my grandpa drove me to the house to go get her because I didnt want her to be alone.

When I got there my mom and step dad had just arrived with my brother's (my brother had a panic attack at the wheel and went off the road into a field. No one was harmed but the policeman on duty saw it and my brother was taken to the nearest hospital because he hadn't calmed down and was having trouble breathing (he also has asthma). I get there check on him and my other siblings, we have a group hug (corny, but after losing our brother in a car accident previosly, we all were freaked and needed one). And my stepdad came up to me and thanked me for coming down to check on everyone. My mom rushed inside. I followed and she started putting pot and pans on the stove and didnt look at me. I said hi. She didn't turn around but said hey. I started to tell her what she should have my brother take for his nerves (old wives tale stuff but like in my mind it works so I am going to suggest it ok). Never looks at me. Or acknowledges what I am saying. Some I tell my stepdad. Look my siblings over one last time and head back to my grandparents house. On the way back I realize that she had no intention of calling me. She thought my brother had been in a bad accident, and she was not going to call me. I am the one who had to come tell her about my brother passing away. I left my grandparents crying and screaming (calling a bunch of people to go over there and be with them of course) to tell my mom about it before she heard it somewhere else. And she wasnt going to tell me that my brother was possibly hurt or worse. She rather let my teenage sister panic and try to find a way home by herself than to call me.

That hurt, but I was willing to let that go. I never speak ill of my mom to my siblings or to anyone in general. After everything I still couldnt because she is my mom and she came back and I know she loves me.

The she had my sister call me a couple of days ago to tell me she was dropping of my brother because he didnt have school and she was going to a job interview. Didnt tell me how long I'd be watching him (I asked and my sister said she didnt know). So I just figured I'd ask my mom when she dropped him off. I was waiting at the door for him and she practically made him tuck and role out of the car. She never got out never looked at me and my poor baby didnt have his shoes on the right feet or tied. I Had plans, canceled them because I didnt know how long he'd be staying (wasnt long). And she had my sister call (while she was in school) to tell me that she was outside when she came to pick him up. My brother was upset because he (while she was gone) became accustomed to being dropped off and left with me the whole day or weekend. So it was a fight to get his shoes on and him out the door. Again never looked me. I smiled and waved tried to get her attention. Nope. She didn't even get out of the car to open the door for him. He managed to get it just as I was about to go over and help.

I texted her happy mother's day. Nothing. I tried calling her to say it. No answer. Called my siblings to have them tell her I said it in case she didnt see the text. Nada.

I dont know what I did. What I do know is that I dont deserve to be treated this way. I never did. And that is actually super hard to admit because when we think of abusive and toxic, I wouldnt immediately think of my mother because even though she does things that hurt us, refuses to acknowledge it, expects us to take care of her and respect her time when she doesnt have any consideration for our time and property, she is my mother who loves me. She is the same mother who took us to pizza hut on Saturdays, to the pool and water park during the summer, who bought us Christmas presents, and who we have had good times with.

But she is toxic. she is emotionally manipulative and inconsiderate. I've made excuses and even blamed myself. Maybe I wasn't trying to communicated enough, maybe I made her feel unloved, maybe I am being sensitive since my history with depression and all that stuff. Maybe I am just misreading. Because it has to me, because she loves me so I must be at fault if she isnt talking to me.

But honestly, I am tired of blaming me. I am tired of being the adult in this relationship. I already have my personal issues. My future is pretty unclear as I try to decide if I want to go back to school (my grandparents are pressuring me just to get a job and stick around idaho), or if I still even want my Master's or If I want to do something else completely. Except for when I am watching TV or with my siblings and dog I am pretty much unhappy and confused all the time.

This year was supposed to be about self-care and healing. Not drama. I am just done.

I dont know what to expect into the coming year (in academic years not the year beginning in January) but I am done with self hate and I am done with toxic relationships. I probably cant take another year off without at least finding a job. But I don't think I am ready to go back to school (I miss it so much though), this break has felt more like work even with the fun tumblr convos.

Honestly thanks to the Charmed and Fallen Hero Fandoms because without y'all I dont know how I would have made it through all this. Also thank God for Hacy fanfiction because I needed good reading material in hospital waiting rooms, and in my moments alone to keep me from over contemplating on people who dont deserve it.

[spooky-bear15]

Bendy's and Angry Mama

Purple, Red and their elites came back from an old invader camp they used to train in when they we're just small young smeets in training. They wanted to show Benjamin what they went through when they we're young. That's when Purples phone rang, taking it out seeing Bendy's number pop up with his adorable picture with it.

"Oh hey, it's Bendy, probably wondering where we're at, well I'll just call back and say we're all fine." Purple answered his phone having a guilty look on his face, "Hey hon, when are you going to get here," Purple opened the face view camera to see Bendy's face, full of angr and disgust, Purples reaction changed quickly to a scared shock. "We've been waiting for you for at least an hou- (gasps)"

Purple looked off his phone to notice Bendy was right in front of him, having his hands on his hips, still giving that angry stare.

Purple pretended the whole Irken camp didn't happen, Benjamin didn't see it, nothing. "Beeeennnddy, hey sweetie, didn't think you we're going to be home so quickly......uhhh, um, did you see anything nice out around town? ehhhh..." Purple had a guilty smile on his face, hoping Bendy didn't see what was going all over social media.

"Give me our son Purple, now!" Bendy still had the same angry look to his face, not even changing it to a smile. Purple gave a smile trying to slid the trouble off with Red and their elites with bringing Benjamin to the invaders trading camp.

"We we're just going out for a nice dinner with uncle Red here and a few of our elites honey. Nothing to bad."

Bendy cutted Purple off with load yell of anger,

"Don't pretend that didn't happen Purple, I know you did with Benjamin!"

Benjamin gave a small squeak and was jumping up and down. Trying to make his mom smile at the least of it.

"Mommy, I flew! Like daddy and uncle Red!"

Bendy didn't loose his contact with Purples guilty eyes and grin, having a cold, stern voice.

"I saw." Bendy held up his phone, with a video pulled up of Benjamin flying through the air with a fake pak on, falling through the air, along with Purple throwing him way up high, as Red looked down from below. "When in the right world did you think it was good to do that?"

Purpule could tell Bendy wasn't happy. He frowned and dropped his antennas down, feeling ashamed.

Red took a breath in and patted his brothers shoulder.

"Good luck with the devil brother. That's you're problem." Red backed up as Purple gave a sad, shooked look, having no clue what his husband was going to do next. Benjamin looked up at his dad then to his mom.

"Is mommy mad daddy?"

Bendy spoke with a low angry tone still giving a angry gleam.

"Yes he is."

Purple spoke up with a shaky tone in his voice.

"Bendy look, I'm sor-"

Bendy stopped him from going any further. Benjamin watched as his parents argue thier different sides of the story.

"Why would take our son to that place?! You know it's dangerous!"

"But honey, listen to me, what if our son really needs a pak at one point, or he goes into the camp when he's older? Ya never know!"

Bendy raised his voice even loader, causing Boris and Alice to come out to see what was the argument.

"You know it's a horrible place to show our son a way to grow up Purple! He doesn't need a pak! He's perfectly fine!"

Benjamin felt tears coming down his face when hearing his parents fight. Soon his small cries ended the fight between his parents.

"You know what Purple, I don't think Benjamin should be hanging around with you for the rest of the weeks until you go on you're next long work trip! He should be in school, learning, and coming to the workshop with me to watch him in the afternoons. I'm done!" Bendy grabbed a big beach hat and placed it onto of his head and gave a small one to Benjamin, placing it on his.

"Come on sweetheart, lets go mommy's work. I think you've had enough of you're fathers plans for the night."

Both of them walked passed the irken rulers and their elites. Holding Benjamin's hand as they both walked to the workshop. Boris and Alice were speechless, both looking at each other. They felt bad for their friend, and couldn't really do anything about it. They went back inside the giant house where Purple and Bendy lived to talk with Purple once he went inside.

But Purple wasn't done, he started running after Bendy and Benjamin, but they we're to far ahead.

"Bendy wait! BENDY!" Purple shouted, but he slowly stopped and sighed heavily. Red patted his brothers shoulder, trying to make him feel better.

"That's what happens, you married a devil, and now have many arguments. You're probably never going to see his again. Welp, come back to Irk when ready to." Red walked the same trail as Bendy and Benjamin we're, heading back to his ship.

Purple couldn't believe it, his husband and kid just left. But he knew it wasn't that easy just to lose the two people he loved that quickly. So Purple picked himself up and continued running, trying to catch up with his husband and smeet quickly as he could.

I wanted to do this quick screen from Hotel Transylvania 2, the seen where Dracula comes back with Denis and Mavis seem quite angry, thought I could recreate that scene. And I'm proud it!

Hope Ya like the scene remake guys!

[00sheven]

real horror show.

my last post got me thinking of the old days. since I dont really have anything new to talk about, ill talk about this. you'll get posts like this from time to time. it's just random shit that crosses my mind during the day, or night when I'm suffering a mind full of racing thoughts taking me in 30 directions at once.

once upon a time.

going back to my past. at this point it seems like a millions years ago. I closed this chapter in my mid 20's

I was angry and I had no conscience and I was strung out. I started at an early age. I was barely in my double didgets when I committed my first burglary. I did it alone.

my friends and I in gulfport used to sneak out in the middle of the night. we used to rob a candy truck up the street from where I lived. at the end of one summer we were so burned out on candy we threw trash bags of it away. one of my friends and I robbed a houses while the people in it were asleep. we almost got caught.

there used to be a lady that lived up the street. she was married. she used to let us come over to her house and feel her up. her husband came home once and my friend and I had to hide in the closet.

I got drunk and smoked my first joint with those guys.

by the time I was in my mid teens I was hanging out with older people doing any kind of dope I could find.

me and my friends in anahiem were breaking into cars and stealing bikes to get money for drugs. at this point I pretty much stopped going to school.

one night I was walking across the park going to meet my friends when I was confronted by two guys who were really angry at me.

one was yelling at me and the other was standing off to the side. out of the blue he hit me in the face with something. I found out later they were nunchucks. when I regained consciousness there was some girl yelling at them.

turns out a week or so before that my friends and I were under the influence of pcp and some of the older tougher guys started shit with them. I didnt remember because I was lit. but they remembered me.

I was sent to live with my dad in Washington. my mom had enough of me so I moved from anahiem. I was going to be put in "a private school" (placement) for a year while my dad went out to sea. I was supposed to live with him in Jacksonville florida when he got back. he died in transit while we were visiting relatives in kansas for the hollidays.

after about a month my mom picked me up and we went to texas where this school was. I was 16 at the time.

the goose's age.

I was there under a year. I escaped with a friend and hitchhiked to California.

chino

my mom had remarried and moved to chino while I was in Washington and texas.

I moved in with them in the summer of 85.

I didnt live there long. I moved in with a friend and lived in his closet. i used to get high with most of my friends parents. we didnt have to go to school.

I started hanging with the local punks.

I joined a local gang and started going to shows and parties. lots of fights lots of violence.

I remember going to a back yard party in hacienda heights. it was a set up. I got jumped by at least 10 dudes. my friend almost had his throat cut. it was the first time I was shot at.

most of the key members of that gang (middle class kids) graduated high school and went off to college.

a couple of the guys and I went to college too.

we joined another gang from L.A., one that had been around. one that has a reputation. it was the real thing. I did that for about a year or so and decided to get out. I was dealing with being broke and homeless. plus a few months after I got out I had some drama with them. it bums me out to think about it.

after that I took a step back. my chino friends were serious enough. there was a lot of drugs and girls and drugs and parties and drugs... well you get the picture.

I was probably 23 or 24 now.

I had played guitar since I was in my early teens.

a friend offered me a job playing bass in thier band.

a couple of years after that my sister had moved in with my mom with my neice who was maybe 2 or 3 at that time. everyone worked so they needed some to watch her during the day.

it got me off the street.

it was a wild ride, I had to at the very least live 5 to 6 lifetimes in that time period.

of course this is the barest of minimums as far as cliff notes go.

I look on it with mixed emotions. sometimes I'm proud of it.

i look back on those days with a longing. I had power, money, sometimes. most of the time I didn't need it. my family took care of me.

I feel that way when on the rare occasion I speak to some of them. it's kind of like one of those psycho conversations you hear in mob movies when they are talking about horrific shit and laughing and reminiscing like it was an old football game.

did I hurt people. yes.

sometimes I just cringe thinking about it.

at the very least I know what I'm capable of doing. good and bad.

I know my darkside very well.

I am not my past.

I am not that person.

but it made me who I am today.

and I accept it.

I think it made me a better person because I have a unique understanding of poverty, violence' self medication, anger.

dont judge. you weren't in my shoes. you didnt have to live through it. well I take that back there are a couple of you that read this that were there.

I'm not trying to glorify it.

the only reason I'm posting it is because it illustrates some of my background so you as a reader can get to know me better.

isn't that the point.

its record of my time.

here's a song that reminds me of those days.

Running away, something better ahead

But you gotta think fast before it's too late

Just one cut around your head

Just one minute and you'll call me dead

You better watch out for the razors in the night

You better leave out the razors in the night

Backstreet boys wear boots and braces

Razor blades and angry faces

Too much tension, too much fear

What the hell are we doing here

Murder is the biggest prize in sport

Cause violence is the only game you've been taught

A pool of warm blood is your prize

Or a cold blade across your eyes.

if you would like a taste of the 80's as far as the L.A. punk scene went (which was riddled with gang violence) check out this book. keep in mind we all knew each other back in those days ( and if you didn't know the person personally you knew at least 10 if their friends) when it was for real.

one of my favorite jokes is "I was punk rock when it was called HEY FAGGOT.

believe me it was not the popular choice when I got into it. you were hated, and beaten up. now it's just a phase kids through. a fashion trend. it is everything that was despised when it started.

I wasn't in LMP either.

41020

a clockwork orange bedroom scene beethoven

blitz razors in the night

discos out murders in trailer.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all getting tortured too..I lost it. I couldn't handle it

I got germ x on a cotton round and started washing my face.

I got more body parts to literally scrub

After my grandpa died of cancer -- well. Denise killed him but they said it was the cancer...

I took a shower and scrubbed my body every day. I got a new toothbrush weekly.

I used a scouring pad from the kitchen and I didn't ever turn the cold water knob but just a tiny stream.

The water was all the way on full blast hot.

I scoured my skin off.

My Uncle Dad took me to the hospital when he finally came home from the ship. It finally docked.

Doctor asked had I burned myself. "No I just took shower and it just didn't feel clean.. It never feels clean"

"How hot is the shower?"

"Oh will the way hot. I turn the cold on slightly about midway to do the final rinse"

"How long do you shower for and how many times do you perform a "rinse"?"

"Well the shower stays on... I'd say 3 - 4 times when it's all the way hot then at least twice, so about 6.. Sometimes 10.. 12... 45 one day"

I heard my uncle dad sob from the corner. I looked st him perplexed. Cause I was doing right. I was keeping the germs off me.

"I just gotta stay clean dad" as he raised his head he sucked in air through his nose. And i saw a man in misery and guilt

"I'm so sorry sorry i thought you could handle the cancer. I thought you'd be okay and i just had ti fo to work but she...."

"I can handle the cancer dad. I just gotta stay clean and keep the germs off of me"

"What kind of products do you use. SOS pads... Denise doesn't buy a lot of Shampoo so i try to keep,that for my hair... So I'll use dish soap or sometimes even laundry. Bleach is good but she doesn't buy that one slot either. I don't like the amoniea. The smell bothers me but I had to use it 3 or 4 times because I didn't have anything else but that was when i found the SOS pads under the sink. Lo and behold they have soap in them already. So, i quiet using extra except when i wash my face with them. Soften the skin up a little bit more than so I don't get wrinkles"

I looked dead into his eyes and told something I didn't tell any other adult about what i did. I told my friends... But not in a way that it was me. "You know someone i heard of was...." Not I did this. But someone did.

My dad according to my DNA4U although there's,a story about that...

He was in the corner crying the whole time I was talking. "No she needs help. I need help for her."

The doctor said they had received a phone call he thought it was from the FBI. But he looked at his notepad and said "Nope the CIA."

"I just have to keep the germs off me tell them that. They need to, too"

"I'm calling them Billy don't you worry"

"Yeah" he said into the phone "i got a situation here. I'm gonna need you to come in and take her. ... Mental ward"

Son of a bitch. I attacked him. I wasn't crazy. I needed to be germ free.

I grabbed the phone "WHAT I NEED IS TO BE CLEAN AND YOU DO TOO GODDAM THE WHOLE WORLD"

And i beat that poor doctor in the head and back wirh that phone until it fell apart and nothing was left.

"And that's how I kill germs" I told his dead body.

Mental institution?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? THE GERM INFESTATIONS I WOULD DIE IMMEDIATELY JUST BREATHING THE AIR!!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! GOD FUCKING NO!!!

My dad just sat there as i beat the doctor to death m his eyes and jaw open as wide as can be.

"You understand right? I'm not here to hurt you but This place it's so dirty but i came here with you. Because i trust you to keep me safe. But he wouldn't. Not. The dirtiest place in the world he would send me to and i just can't have that. I'll push the panic button to get you some help that you need"

It was right by the door. So these big ass mother fucking dudes came me in started grabbing me to hold me down and strap me to the bed. Big mother fuckers HUGE. Body builders and shit. "ARE YOU GERM FREE!! DONT GET A HOLD OF ME!! LET ME GO. GODDAMINIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I killed all 3. "Now i gotta wash my hands and arms. They fucking touched my face and every thing. Stuck thier fingers in my mouth and all. I need to,start with bleach. Can you get me some?"

My dad was in shock.

"Maybe later. I'll ask you again when your nervous system calms down" I washed my face and elbows.

It was 1992 Christmas was a few weeks away. My lie age I was 12. My real age I was only 8.

Finally the CIA came in "are you here to help or force me to wash my hands again?"

He put his arms up as he walked by me and sat next to my dad "well i know Gaberiel and Calvin can help. Gaberial goes to school with her and he said she looks alright but seems to be in a trance like state most of the time. But they will know what to do. Do not worry. Sabrina you cannot keep killing doctors like that"

"I'm not going!! The backwoods motel where they put the strange and i tell you none of them know how to,wash their hands!!"

"You look like a witch!!"

"At least im a clean one fuck y'all shit"

This whole team of huge CIA dudes... They all washed their hands no less than 3 minutes up their elbows for an additional two while I watched.

This big one said "she's not alright you know that. I never washed my hands this much in my life"

I warned him i would kill him if he didn't get off the team "oh no it's refreshing I don't have a problem. My face too here i come"

When he lifted his face he saw mine. "There's nothing wrong with me sir. This world is unclean"

"That's that transelike state. Her voice gets hollow and the carries. Did she kill the others like that Bill?"

"No I didn't. He made me upset while i waited for th3 help I supposed to be needing. Like no one knows,l they can poison me any second"

I knew but i didn't know Denise injected medicine into my grandpa's vein.

I COULDN'T handle this guy at the sink. He wanted to teach me like he could do it better. Like i had something wrong with me. And he didnt like it"

"Out. Just get the fuck out of here. I'll give you a chance to live."

I ended up killing the whole line of people but this one little yellow Asian man.

He was surrounded by dead bodies. 5. They took the 3 guard nurses and the doctor out already.

"Do i wash my hands now? Is it my turn?"

"SIR!!" i said pissed off. I looked around me. My poor dad "well what do you think about your surroundings?"

"You look good. Able to kill real easily. Looks like I need some more training. But I'm just here to wash my hands as i was told to"

He told me the times he needed to wash.

"Well no one else is in line so I suppose that yes it's your turn now"

I laid down on the little check up table bed and fell to sleep. I was exhausted. Killed 9 people. Because they were aliens. And i would let someone live. 3 people in total. Out of 12..

It could be a good day after all, as long as i didn't go to Baywood Inn Acres.. I'd been there before. I escaped and let all the mental patients out. Well maybe if i went I could do that again I thought as I drifted off to sleep. I could still do it. I'd killed 9 today in just seconds.. I could let the rest escape.

Snoop put me on time restrictions. I bit him. I kicked him. I punched him in the stomach. He would walk in with a shield from SWAT to tell me to stop washing at the sink.

It was all scuffed up and I had to clean it. Germs get in them scratches and cracks...

Before he knew it it was all soaped up and If he exposed, his face he would get soaped too. Bar of soap.

Oh boy he was pissed off at me. "You need to kill the right people!!" Him and Alex Laughlin both said

"Then let me use the soap for as long as I want to"

I was a horrror show star. Like a doll. Like poltergeist. There's that doll that turns it's head all creepy. My eyes be glassy I walked around like I was dead.

I was. I was so dead inside. I KNEW my grandpa would die for no fucking reason. I knew and there wss nothing I could do to save that Old man!!!!

And i KNEW i was going get cancer, too!!!

Just wash it all off. Wash it down the drain.,that is I what i would say.

This video to some. But I used to do that.

2 years later I did get cancer in my throat just like I knew I would. I wrote about it.

So I handle death a lot better. Losing one. Germs.

If I know a person doesn't wash their hands and their hands are warm. I freak the fuck out.

"Don't fucking touch me" and I get filled with violent rage.

Some people think it's cool to make fun of me. A violent assassin. To this date with my bare hands no magic included in the last 35 years I've killed 22,489,601,427 people.

So y'all need to learn to wash your mother fucking hands. 35 seconds i recommend.

CDC says it's good in 20... Don't underestimate the power of germs. Scrub faster and go for long term use of that soap you just squirted on you. Go up to the elbows!

Eventually I got okay. To be okay I had to kill people. 862 thousand.

All aliens in stolen bodies. Then i was okay again.

But until then i would sleep walk to the sink wash,me up then hit the streets in a trance.

So they got a kid to live with me... Anton. From Queer Eye... Him...

"No what are you gonna do? He's got germs on him and he's our only kid!" Alex would bark at me.

"Then you kill him" i would tell him. He never did.

So i posted a video earlier. Poor child. "Wash your hands" "wash your hands!" In the video I shared that he shared. Poor child, "Now you gotta wash both hands although only one is dirty. The other might get jealous. Up to your elbows if you want to but definitely up to your wrists"

He played in the dirt a lot. If he didn't Snoop would pour it on him. "Now what are you gonna do?!?"

I smelled him make sure the cat didn't piss on it

Man Snoop did a hard fight. "Its fucking dirt snoop shut the fuck up!!:

I let that boy teach me about dirt. Is it clean? Does it feel fresh? Or smell bad?"

I let him choose whether to wash or not.

Somethings he HAD to wash after touching "raw meat" we had a list of things that could harm us if it was left on our hands.

I had to wash after uncooked hot dogs. Had to. Kid goddam creeped me out because he didn't

I'd just look at him like he was a leeper to give me leprosy from an uncooked hot dog.

"CHILL OUT!!!"

"Uh anuh he touched a raw hot dog and he didn't wash. Uncooked meat!! Its on there check the goddam list in a hurry" he was like a monster under my bed.

"It says raw meats baby."

"Uncooked is raw"

That little boy. Sweet precious angel he is. He said "i didn't agree because i wanted to go out side and play but now I see i take the hot dog containments into the dirt if I don't wash. So i would like to wash please"

I earned a kiss from Alex who was going by Gaberiel. At the time.

It shocked me with surprise. I did something right for the first time in weeks i wasn't yelled at by an adult. I put my head down on the arm of the chair and wept and wailed and cried.

I spent so much time fighting with who was supposed to be my friends. That it made me calm and feel normal. Ever since that day my grandpa died. I had so much built in my chest like a wall. Filled my body so.

Snoop finally understood under all that muscle mass and need to assassinate... I was still there.

"Lets go get some ice cream it's on the list for,being,human and you get sprinkles for crying."

"Lets go ma then I wanna play in the dirt.

I wasn't sure i could leave the house. I felt really wobbly... To go outside and not kill... It was dangerous. I tried to go back in like 14 times. But Alex kept stopping me. Or snoop or the baby Antony.

"Took us 15 minutes to go get us a dam treat,jist from the door to the car. When we go killing shes flying down the steps and first one to the car. Ain't no one gonna know what's wrong with her! Ain't no one!"

"I do! You just need to wash your hands! Wash Your hands!!" I had a sweet little boy next to me... I looked out the window of that white Cadillac and I sure did hope i could figure out how to,keep the world safe. They played and teased and made,him laugh.,all every one,in the car laughing with joy.

I just wanted to open the car door, jump out and die.

Later I finally told. Some movie reminded me of my grandpa... The only one I ever had. The one that allowed me to kill Denise. A prison guard.

"He died from something out side of him. Not inside out side. I can't handle it. It went down his arm.. Pink. It was something pink"

Snoop on his knees. "What was it poision?"

"Watch. Into here down this way to his pinkie then back up and then down around his heart and through his legs and up the other side and to his brain then he could smell the medicine cold cough syrup. And she kept doing it until the full bottle was,in,his body. It didn't work tho. The next day and the next. 3 more,days than,that. Then he was,dead. 2 bottles each day. Of cold medicine to kill tiny germs"

Alex's face,was,in terrified horror. Snoop still as a statue.

"Where do they live at?" Asked snoop.

"Texas. Redway lane"

"That is where you live at".

"That is what i am telling you. And i was in Texas and i didn't go to Arizona"

Snoop began to throw up in his hand and,ran,from the room.

Alex and Anthony looked at me all "why did you have to tell the truth?!"

"I'm trying to watch the movie here!!" Said Anthony "and tomorrow I wanna play in dirt"

"That's ok baby That's what you can do with Uncle Snoop. We'll be quiet now so you can watch the movie."

If you don't get germs on you. You don't get sick. Then you don't get murdered.

Stay Clean.

Corona. I'm telling you. It ain't no different.

Except I was told something worse than eating Vicks Vapo Rub would happen to me from Denise.

I had to kill 981,602,375 people like Denise until I felt satisfied the world was safer.

Until I could breathe again.

I felt my grandpa die. I was with him. I felt his whole body. When his left lung collapsed...

And he was begging "no Denise don't do it. It won't make me better. No Denise I don't want none. Dont put it in my IV. I don't have no cough or cold. I have cancer and I'm going to beat it"

And that Old man died. And I tried so hard. To keep his body alive. Just stay with him.

And his body was so riddled with cancer. He couldn't take being filled with the thick cough syrup.

After a million kills. Grandpa said I could stop the world would get better then. "If I do two more grandpa then it would get allot better"

We killed 6 million predators. By hand. We picked them from prisons.

Death Row and life sentences. They could die early if they wanted. They understood they would die. They signed contracts. And we filled them in gas chambers. And filled the air with a non toxic cough syrup smelling gas that made them relax. Laughing gas. Then we used rat poision gas. Until they died. We had some other gases too. I didnt care.

We did right by our promise and they choked end coughed choked on a white foam frothing from,their mouths. And,died.. And we watched them through a little window with gas masks on our faces.

"You know you could used a little more nitrous" would say Alex

"Only half choke to death. Most of them lay down peacefully to die."

Oddly white men were more often to fight Than the black man.

"Either the black men are innocent or they know,what to do in a poison situation"

One man. Black. Should been,dead. But he was crawling around checking on,the others. In pain he was.

I ran,from the control booth. Dodging people trying to stop me. I swung open the door against policy. Grabbed him up under his shoulders "why did you sign the paper if you didn't have any thing to do with the crime?$?!" I yelled through my gas mask

"All these are all dead i want to,know why I'm not!!: he was crying he was scared. "I didn't sign the paper because i wanted the hell out. I knew if i died I would go to Heaven!: he was sobbing. In a gas chamber. Filled with poison.

Alex held up a gas mask in,the Window I pointed my head towards my direction.

And I held the black man while he was on his knees in a room full of gas. Alex put the gas mask to protect from,gas on his face.

"Lets go you got to get out. You only have half a,mask"

"I can't"

"You got to,get out now"

He chose his fate. No one else. He would tell me when he was ready to live and i would hold him on his knees until he did. I just stared into Alex's eyes. While he said over and over "you got to, get out" like in case i forgot.

"I wanna get out! Can you help me??" I reached down and grabbed him by his waist. Hoisted him up to my hip and carried him out like a toddler. A nice grown man.

This poor man was a mess.

No one mentioned i was covered in cyanide. For 3 hours until when my skin began to itch "you need,to shower"

"When you finally get covered in killer germs you don't care Because you found someone more important, more desperate. Someone more in a bad situation.,then you don't even notice"

"You trained me not to. Could I at least get an SOS pads for my bath?"

Every one wore a gas mask around me. Even the kid. For three days Anthony did.

"Snoop said you can't go in his car covered in,gas,like,that so we got a rental car"

"You gonna drive in that gas mask?"

"Yeah. Sounds fun. We have to roll down the Windows for you to breathe. I know downtown LA but... And also we got you w hotel. You are covered in cyanide!! No on wants you home. But i do"

I think... It was the first time in my life any one ever gave me a bath while wearing a gas mask.

We had to,change,3 hotel rooms. So i wouldn't pollute the place up.

"See? You yelled at me and you're all jist as bad,and,won't even let,me,see my kid"

"Yeah well you trained us to be extra careful. More cautious than sorry"

Gaberiel. Alex Laughlin slept in bed next to me. In a gas,mask.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep. Thinkin about that man and my grandpa.

And I'd look down at the man next,to me. Pased out. Looking like an innocent kid himself.

I adored him. I felt so much love that a person would be in,danger for me. I shook his gas,mask gently

"What you woke me up what do you want? It was on purpose, too"

"Do you think that man knowed i cared? That I might love someone other than myself?"

"We treat you as though you are selfish because you sre using self harm and you don't understand it. No one is supposed to gargle with bleach? What If you swallowed it?"

"It burns my nostrils any way"

"That's not the point but baby doll. You could kill yourself and we wouldn't have you no more. That is,the point.,that is why we called you selfish. Your addiction to cleanliness could,kill you snd no one,wants that to happen. But look what you do. Go,in a gas,chamber FULL of gas with only a half mask on. You're lucky you don't go blind. But look st it this way. We pushed too hard and in the wrong way and you did drink bleach on purpose in desperation to be clean. It was undiluted, too. I know. I watched you. And you Didjt say anything. Just smiled and said "i feel" i wanted to,slap you then for not listening. But when you pushed me back so you could leave,tje room through the door i was blocking. You didnt act like nothing happened. You felt like nothing happened. And I realized we were doing something wrong then two,weeks later you tell us why it was so,important to be kept clean and germs off of you. And i wanted to die for the way snoop and I had been mistreating you. And that is why I started the gas chambers of criminals to honor Yoir grandpa for working at the prison to keep,them in line. End,it for your grandpa and avenge his death with revenge. It would be what healed you both. And next time call the police when someone is being poisoned."

"She did it when i,was asleep. I would fall asleep all kinds of times of days to be with him. I promised when i was a young kid that i wouldn't let him die alone. Not by her. And when i woke up I was too groggy to remember what was going on. I thought it was a dream a bad one i hoped it wasn't real but it was and i can't get over this feeling this fear.. That had me at constant companion"

"What does that mean my love?"

"Evil. My grandpa said"

So y'all in,this world of 2020

Keep,calm.

It is,gonna be okay.