#And that whole scene where we see them quick fire back and forth... Holy shit; it was brilliant.

[saturnsorbits]

This piece is a shock of brilliance. Encased in only a short flight of words, this story offers us brilliant characterisation, intrigue and a wonderful sense of adventure. Not only does this piece stretch out in the world of Treasure Planet, proving to be a perfect ode to a childhood classic, but it makes the world it's own and gives us a story that it won't be easy to forget.

Reader is a whole tonic. She's brilliant and intelligent, commanding respect with a definitive and interesting background that drives the plot at every turn. By using her point of view to narrate the story, we get a distinctive voice and one that proves to be infinitely interesting, offering to us intriguing snippets as we dip into her thought process, such as: 'right now you need quantity over quality. All they need to know is that your trip is a research expedition of sorts, and nothing more.' It is through this and the bubble of Reader's brilliant personality that we find ourselves dragged in and perched on the edges of our seats just waiting too see what this story has for us to unfold.

It is through this internal monologue that we also meet with Dabi. Reader's first thoughts of the man ('Of course he pulls a stunt like this'), set up their relationship perfectly and hint at the underlying nature of their past – which unravels, slowly as we learn about their history together and the paths they have already tread. This is only bolstered when we finally get to see these two people interact. The relationship between these two is phenomenal and every single inch of their dialogue is pure genius. I really couldn't get enough of these two, they're both quick and witty, meeting each other at every turn and it is so much fun to see them interact. We start with a simple interaction, as Reader scolds her new ship cook: 'What did I say about smoking on my ship? Especially over the food', which is responded to with a pointedly mocking 'yes, Captain.' (Side Note: The entirety of that first conversation, where BTP manages to balance these witty retorts with exposition that not only proves to be paramount for the plot, but moves us further towards understanding these two characters both as individuals and as a paired unit – it is some of the most carefully crafted, brilliant and fun dialogue I have read and it's easy to love every second of it.)

Hawks is also a wonderful addition, toing the line between his relaxed and playful persona, while also falling back on a very serious and proper position as we watch him fall into rank with Reader. I love anytime BTP writes him and here is no different.

Then, after the beautiful climax that is the smut scene in which we get more of that perfect dynamic between Reader and Dabi, we get that wonderful little twist. This is such a fucking brilliant little plot detail and does absolute wonders for Reader's characters – when I say I fell in love with her the moment we discovered she's a sneak, I mean it. That reveal that is as simple as Reader's 'you don't think I'd bring the real map to those negotiations, do you?' is perfect. All the pieces slide together, the shift in power that it brings to the previous scene and how this then reflects on both Dabi and Reader's character is incredible. Honestly, such a fucking good plot point!

And, of course... After Reader's genuis comes to fruition – we meet again with Dabi, who this time looks different. There's a wonderful sense of irony seeing him wearing the same uniform he chastised Reader for, by his closing words imply a sense of something more... A future between these two who are already obviously made for each other – after all she is 'the only one who can handle [him].'

Bargaining (18+)

Dabi x F!Reader

Treasure Planet AU Word Count: 5433

!!: sex, tiny bit of knife and blood

A/N: This is a part of @thegetoufather��s Into the Movieverse Collab!

Worn bricks, grimy from centuries of use, are covered with people. Some, down on their luck, looking to work their way from one port to the next. Others call this part of town home. Red brick buildings with wooden upper stories - storefronts with the family who owns them living up above. Sailors in smart uniforms walk off their ships and towards the bustle of the city beyond the edge of the docks. Passengers disembark various ships, some have servants toting their luggage, others carry nothing more than the bags on their backs.

From your perch on the TSS Legacy you observe the comings and goings. Your own ship, second hand twice over, has seen better days. But the wood and brass still gleam in the sunlight. Your own crew is a sight for sore eyes, but you were short on time to muster together enough people to fly off before midday. Favors were called in, and now you have a functioning ship and crew albeit with questionable reputations.

Right now you need quantity over quality. All they need to know is that your trip is a research expedition of sorts, and nothing more.

A swath of green catches your attention. A green haired boy and an older blond man stop in the middle of the flow of foot traffic and look around. No one stops down there if they can help it with all the bustle and smells, so they must be your patrons.

Descending from the poop deck to the captain’s quarters quickly, you find your First Officer leaning against your door with a coat draped over his arm. Windblown blond hair free of its pompous uniform regulation hat stands on end. He’d need to take care of that before addressing the crew.

“Mr. Hawks,” you nod and pull on the dark blue overcoat he holds out to you. Your first officer smirks, knowing how much you dislike the formalities and hierarchies in the sailing world. “Do you have something to say?”

Golden eyes crinkle in amusement. “Not at all, Captain.”

“Then put your hat on.” You straighten your clothes and march towards the main deck. “We’ve got company.”

You watch the new duo board your ship and look around with awe. “Ah, Captain.” The older man holds out his hand, “I’m Professor Toshinori, and this is young Midoriya. Thank you for making it so we can leave as soon as possible.”

“Not a problem,” you nod. Behind him, the dock cranes load on the last of the provisions and your crew works on storing the boxes. “Once the final safety check is made, we’ll be off. I understand we’re heading towards the Beta Quadrant?”

“Ah, yes,” the man nods and starts fishing around in his pockets. “Young Midoriya foun-”

“Mr. Toshinori,” you interject and hold up a hand. The man stops digging through his pockets and stares at you. “I implore you to wait until we’ve had a chance to talk in my ready room. My Number One will take you there now. As for Midoriya,” you round on the young man at his side, “I’ll show him to his assignment.”

“Assignment?” both guests ask in unison.

“Yes,” you reply curtly, “We have no need for idle hands on this ship, and my cook could use an extra person. Nothing too dangerous of course.” Without waiting, you turn away from the group and head towards the kitchens. Quick footsteps falling in place behind you send a smile ghosting over your lips. This power is new to you: you walk and people follow. You give an order and it’s followed without hesitation. 

Descending the rickety steps to the galley, you make a mental note to check it out when the journey is over. Perhaps after this gig is over, you’ll be able to buy a whole new ship and a reliable crew.

Thick smoke hangs around the kitchen and pours out into the dining area. Of course he pulls a stunt like this. Kicking in the door, you glare at your cook.

Tattoos wind up the arms and neck of a man with jet black hair. He hefts crates of food onto metal counters, the glow of a cigarette illuminating his face. Somehow the space is organized, but to you it looks like chaos.

“What did I say about smoking on my ship?” you hiss. Turquoise eyes cut over to you. The end of the cigarette glows brightly once more before a pile of ash falls off the end. And over a boiling pot on the stove. “Especially over the food?”

Locking eyes with you, the man takes one last drag and stubs it out on the counter. A stream of smoke cascades down a stained apron. “Yes, Captain.”

Clearing your throat, you paste a smile on your face. For as much pain as your cook has caused you, anticipation of seeing his face when he hears the news of his additional tasks will make it all the better for a moment. “Dabi, this is Midoriya,” you gesture to the green haired man behind you. “He’ll be under your care for the journey.”

Dabi’s eyebrow twitches. One hand ghosts over a pocket on his apron, no doubt where his cigarettes are. “And now I’m playing babysitter?”

“He’ll be helping with the cooking and cleaning,” you say. Strolling around the kitchen, you note the pile of pots, pans, and knives already sitting dirty in the sink. “As I recall, you make quite a mess wherever you go.” You shoot him a knowing look. 

It takes a minute, but he sighs before finally responding. “Whatever you say, Captain.”

“Midoriya,” you turn to your guest and try to give him a genuine smile. “We’ll be taking off soon, I suggest making your way up top. It’s quite a different experience than traveling by shuttle to and from the planet.” Green eyes widen in delight and he scampers off. You were like that once too; fresh off the shuttle and full of excitement for adventures to come.

Silence descends in the kitchen once Midoriya is gone. You could leave too. You should. There’s a whole ship that needs your attention, not to mention a professor you need to talk to.

But you lean against a metal counter and cross your arms. “You’re here.”

Dabi goes back to unpacking the crates in front of him. “I am.”

“Didn’t think you’d show.”

“Is there anything else you need, Captain?” So much hatred packed into your title.

“How long are you going to hold that grudge against me?” you hiss.

“I’m just a lowly cook aboard your ship,” he sneers.

Stalking over to him, you put your arm on top of the crate to grab his attention. “I gave you a chance to come with me.”

Dabi looks at you through long lashes. “Permission to speak freely?” It doesn’t matter what you say, he’ll let you know what’s on his mind – insubordination be damned.

“Granted.”

Dabi wipes his hands on the off-white apron and gestures to you. “Look at you. You wear their uniform. You sail under their flag. You decided to bow and lick the boots that stomped on us.”

You lean in, channeling as much of a haughty captain as you can. “And If I tell you to lick my boot?”

“Whatever you want,” he grits out, “Captain.”

Straightening up, you hold your head high. If he thinks that you abandoned your previous life, might as well give him what he wants. “Keep an eye on the boy,” you order. “The professor’s son will stay out of trouble.”

Dabi mockingly salutes you as you leave the kitchen. “Aye.” 

Will he be a thorn in your side the whole journey? Undoubtedly. But will your history together affect how you deal with him? … Only time will tell.

The heavy wood door to your ready room opens soundlessly. The professor and your First Officer are seated at a round table off to the side. They stand as you enter and wait for you to begin the secretive meeting.

“I’ve put the boy to work in the kitchen. He’ll be out of the way there,” you say matter-of-factly and shed your heavy coat. “Now, Professor, tell me about this map of yours.”

The whole reason for this hurried trip; a historian running after a fabled treasure. As long as they pay, you’ll take them to whatever godforsaken planet they want. It makes a quick buck for you and keeps you out of reach of the solar navy fleet for that much longer.

“Midoriya found it,” the lanky man says. He pulls out a gold ball and places it on your desk. Intrigued, you pick it up and fidget with it. The various lines and indentations on the surface whirl beneath your fingertips. Somehow, this small orb will lead you to the treasure, and a handsome cut for both you and the crew once it’s been returned and appraised. “It details the lost treasure of Abaddon. We know for certain it’s on Regula but its final resting place is still somewhere in here. Midoriya can show you how to open it.”

Still spinning the many planes of the supposed map, you address your First Officer. “Mr. Hawks, you have a keen eye. Once we set sail, see what you can decipher with the boy’s help.” 

“Aye, Captain,” Hawks nods. Turning to the professor, he gestures to the door. “I’ll show you to your quarters now.”

You’re left alone with the puzzle. Would this amount to anything this time around? How many times had you returned to port with a dejected fortune seeker. Your pockets would be lined no matter what.

Staring at the oil painting of space hanging across from your desk you run your fingers along the frame before pulling it back. To the untrained eye, it just looks like a normal, unfaded wall behind it, but pushing slightly, you pop off a wooden panel. A small lock box sits in a hidden alcove. Taking the box out, you feel along the seam of the alcove until your finger hits a divot. Another hidden door pops open, and you tuck the orb in there.

The door to your ready room opens again, and Hawks walks in exhaling deeply.

“I’ve tasked you with a lot,” you say and replace the small lock box in the hidden cabinet. “But I have one more job for you.”

“And what’s that, Captain?” Hawks asks tiredly. He hangs his hat on a peg on the wall. Running a hand through his hair, he checks his reflection for his signature ‘effortless disheveled look’ as he likes to call it. 

“What did I say about calling my Captain when it’s just the two of us,” you scowl. He shoots you a cheeky grin but says nothing. “Keep an eye on the boy and the cook. I’m hoping they can keep each other busy enough to stay out of trouble.”

All playfulness leaves his face. He resembles the older men in the service rather than the charming gentleman he can be during his personal leave; stoic, face weathered from years of sailing close to suns. “Is he…?”

You close the faux paneling with a satisfying click. Gears whir gently while the locking mechanism sets up again. “After our last fiasco, we have a full crew thanks to Dabi. But that doesn’t mean their loyalty is with me.”

Hawks nods. “As you wish.”

Is there anything he wouldn’t do for you? You could probably tell him you want the solar sails dyed green and he’d make it happen. “Where would I be without you?” you laugh gently.

“Stuck on a rock somewhere with no ship and no promotion.”

Your favorite part of sailing changes every time you leave port. Sometimes it’s watching the solar sails unfurl and reflect the light before takeoff. Other times it’s the momentary weightlessness before the antigravity system kicks in. More often than not it’s flying alongside the migratory space life and watching them play with the stars.

This trip proves no different. Immediately, you’re joined by a pod of gormaganders – a formerly endangered ‘space whale’ that sails the stars with its multitude of fins. They sail silently alongside the ship, no doubt following a stream of particles ejected from dying suns. Their bodies are twice as long as your ship, but these gentle giants mean no harm. 

You travel amongst them for three days before departing from their pod and head deeper into space. There’s a solemn silence as you and the crew watch them depart. They were your travel companions, but now you’re on your own. The inky black space around the ship seems that much more terrifying. 

Even though there’s no physical markers signifying where the Alpha Quadrant stops and the Beta Quadrant starts, there’s a feeling aboard the ship that stirs unease within you. The crew is antsy knowing the destination is upon them. Hawks has everyone double checking their work as a way to burn off excess energy, but it doesn’t put you at ease. 

If there is one thing you can count on during your trip, it’s that Midoriya keeps Dabi on his toes with his natural curiosity. More often than not your chef tries to hand off cleaning tasks only to have the young man talk his ear off or stray from the task at hand. It gives you a small surge of satisfaction to watch Dabi tamp down his irritation with the boy and chase him all over the ship.

It takes another week and a half before Regula is visible to the naked eye. The closer you get, the more enthralled your guests are; the Professor spends most of his time scribbling in notebooks while studying the planet through a looking glass. Midoriya spends what little free time he has on the deck staring out into space and avoiding your cook’s grating call. You feel a modicum of pity for the men. There are faster ships out there, ones that don’t sail on and store solar energy. Ships that could’ve arrived at the planet at three times the speed you did. But that costs money and they don’t accept payments of maybe-promises of treasure at the end.

The semi-barren rock doesn’t look like much – the only thing going for it, if it is in fact a treasure trove, is that there’s no visible signs of sentient life. Part of the planet is covered in greenery while the rest is a muddy gray, as if someone started terraforming it to be hospitable, but quickly gave up.

Accompanied by two of your crew that you managed to hold on to when your ship docked after your last mission, the Professor and Midoriya headed down to the planet’s surface. For anyone outside of the need-to-know circle, it’s a research trip to investigate claims that there was once life on the planet.

Not the worst cover story you’ve come up with.

Everything seems to settle. There’s plenty for the crew to do now with offloading gear and survey equipment. And for a moment, you think everything might go off without a hitch.

And then on the third day, you find yourself and all your belongings floating towards the ceiling. Spheres of liquid hang in the air, their empty cups floating beside them. Pens. Papers. Books. Everything. Clinging to the table bolted to the floor of your ready room, you grab your communicator out of your pocket.

“Engineering, what's going on?!” you shout into it. When there’s no reply you try again. “Engineering, do you read me?” Still nothing. Shit. You’ve got to fix this, and fast. Pulling yourself over to your desk, you take out a pair of gravity boots – heavy duty shoe covers that will stick to any surface. Hopefully Hawks has already raised the alarm and the rest of the crew has tethered themselves before going after supplies floating away.

Making your way down the corridor adjacent to your quarters, you take a back entrance to engineering. You clang your way across the metal flooring, your shoes the only thing keeping you from flying into the ceiling – or worse. Your keys attempt to float off as you flip through the lot of them to find the one that’ll give you access to all the wires and systems hidden behind a metal door. Once inside, you throw open a panel and see a couple jacks hanging freely. Frowning, you plug them back in. It takes a moment for the systems to reboot, but the unsettling weightlessness in your body is replaced with an overall unease. 

Those wires shouldn’t have been able to wiggle free, and there are redundant systems in place to prevent a total meltdown of the ship’s core life support functions.

Something thin, cold, and metal presses against the back of your neck.

“Funny thing, that boy,” a rough voice says. Heavy footsteps come from behind the open door. Dabi. “See he talks. A lot. And he talked about how his dad walked out on him and his mom. Only met the professor a few short weeks ago.” You lean back and feel the object at your neck bit into your skin. 

Okay. A knife. Not a gun. A knife is easier to deal with. It won’t accidentally go off. 

Dabi keeps talking. “At first I wanted to strangle him with how much he talked, but then he started spillin’ secrets. I know about the map an’ I know about the treasure.” He presses the knife deeper into your skin. A trickle of warm liquid runs down the back of your neck. “Hand it over.”

“It’s in my ready room,” you try to subtly lean away. “You and me. No one else.”

A throaty chuckle fills the room. “I don’t think so, Captain. One of my men will come with us. Just in case.”

“Have it your way.” There’s no need to provoke him at this point.

The flat side of the blade taps the side of your neck. Time to go. Slipping your feet out of the heavy, and now unnecessary, shoes, you and Dabi ascend towards the deck.

The only way you could describe the scene up top is chaos. Utter chaos. The crew – let’s face it, at this point they’re no longer your crew – are rambunctious, laughing and hollering like kids playing in a schoolyard. Red dust and smoke hang in the air, no doubt from a flare going off. Some notice you being led at knife point and cheer. Others are too caught up in the revelry to notice their surroundings. The few men loyal to you are tied to the main mast, struggling to be free of their confines. Another set of footsteps falls in line with you and Dabi. 

You open the door to your ready room and find Hawks already there. His stance is wide, ready to give or take a hit. Judging by the blood hidden on his red coat and the bruises littering his cheek and jaw, he’s given and gotten plenty of action. 

You give a small twitch of your head to get him to back down. Not yet.

Dabi heads to the table where you and Hawks would normally eat meals and navigate. With a nod, he gestures for you to sit with him. Reluctantly, you do.

“C’mon, Captain,” Dabi drawls, “Is it really necessary to have your underling here?” He dismissively gestures to your right-hand man who bristles. You watch the corner of his lip curl up in satisfaction, his tattoos following the movement and contorting with him.

“And I suppose you need your man?” you relax in your chair and cross your arms. “Get rid of yours and mine will leave too.” Without hesitation, Dabi jerks his head. Funny. He was so insistent that he have someone else here with him. The silent man at his side heads to the door without protest.

Hawks looks over at you. Holding his golden gaze, you nod. “But,” you say as he turns on his heels. “I don’t want bloodshed on deck. It’s a pain to get out of the wood.” Your gaze drifts over to Dabi who rolls his eyes but nods. His man at the door acknowledges him and walks out. Hawks follows after.

“Now it’s just us,” you smile at Dabi. It’s not a sweet smile, it’s the smile a predator gives its prey when it’s cornered. “You were loyal, so what happened?” Syrupy sweet mockery drips off your words.

Dabi leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “You didn’t think large enough.” A tattooed finger taps his temple.

“And you’re ‘large enough’?” you scoff.

“You wound me, Captain,” Dabi holds his hand against his chest – where a heart would be if he had one. “You used to be one of us, selling out to the highest bidder, and now look at you. Captain. With your self-righteous dogs who trip over their own feet to follow your every word.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘loyalty’, something you know nothing about.”

“I’m loyal to money.” Dabi leans back in his chair and spreads his arms. Some stupid attempt to get you to believe that he’s vulnerable and in fact telling the truth.

You were once one of them. Someone who pushed a bucket and a mop around cleaning up after people who made your life miserable. Always ready to abandon ship at port in search of the next great adventure. And then you had to go and grow a heart, saving some higher up who repaid you handsomely with a career – a future where you didn’t have to pinch pennies and shovel shit.

And you took it. Built a name for yourself. Got your own ship, your own crew. Sort of.

“And you think that mutiny will get you money?” you raise an eyebrow.

Eyes bluer than the stars you sail darken. “I know that map will set me up well.” Dabi sneers. “Never need to answer to anyone again.” He stands abruptly and stomps over to you. Intimidation. You wouldn’t have your post if a man stomping his feet sent fear through your body.

Your eyelashes flutter as you take stock of him. “Why Dabi,” you purr, “Did you think I’d be quaking in my boots and just give you the map?” He looms over you and bends at the waist. A soft whisper has the hair on the back of your neck standing at attention.

“I can offer you something… more.” A hand trails down your side, ghosting over your breast before settling on top of your thigh.

“You think that finger fucking me will get me to hand it over?” Cute. You aren’t the young deckhand enamored with the mysterious pirate anymore.

“I’ll do more than finger fuck you,” he purrs. “I’ll have you begging for me, and if I can do that, the map is mine.” Interesting. It’s an unorthodox approach for sure, and it’s not like he would be successful. “C’mon, Captain,” he coos, his thumb casually stroking the apex of your thighs. “What d’ya say? A little friendly wager?”

“There’s nothing friendly about this.” You uncross your arms and wrap them around his neck. Your lips are on his, sealing the deal. Teasing the edge of his lips with your tongue, he obliges you and deepens the kiss. Quickly, you become a tangle of bodies. He lifts you, and with your legs around his waist, you soon find the smooth wood of your desk at your back.

Hot lips trail down your neck, stopping occasionally to leave a bold nip. You arch into him and give him all the access he could want. Teeth graze your skin and he latches on. You pull him closer. A small part of you wants a small souvenir of this moment – something you can look back on and gloat about.

Dabi’s fingers make quick work of your trousers. Warm hands save you from the cold surface, and your thighs find themselves wrapped around his head.

Dabi’s explosive and quick, diving in without hesitation. Your fingers tangle in his hair both to push him away and pull him closer; it’s too much and not enough all at once. It’s clear he knows what he’s doing, and with every swipe of his tongue against your clit, you’re seeing stars not charted on your maps.

Wanton moans fill the room, and you’re thankful that your First Officer is above deck with the rest of your crew. 

“D-” you start and quickly shut your mouth. I’ll have you begging for me. He’s going to go after you with all he’s got, and as much as you want to moan his name, he might see that as a victory. A warm piercing nudges your sensitive folds, but you keep tight lipped. 

You nearly cry out as cold replaces the warm face you were wrapped around.

Dabi smirks and fiddles with his belt. The large brass buckle gleaming in the low light of your ready room. “Tongue not enough for ya?”

“If I was looking to be eaten out, I could go into any port and be helped,” you pant. “If that’s all you’ve got-”

“Not even close,” he chuckles. Metal collides with the floor and you look up from your spot on your desk. Dabi gives his cock a couple of tugs before running the head through a concoction of your slick and his spit. More piercings rub against your sensitive flesh. Just how many had he gotten since he’d last seen you?

“About time,” you smirk.

“Aw,” Dabi says with mock sympathy, “Is this what you’ve been waiting for?” He prods at your entrance but doesn’t push beyond that.

“If you’re going to fuck me, then I expec-” A gasp steals the rest of your thought. Dabi pushes into you but keeps it at just the tip. Your lower lip runs between your teeth. He stretches you just right with enough pain to mingle with the pleasure. You won’t admit it out loud, but it’s been a while since you’ve had company.

“You were saying?”

“I saw those shiny new piercings,” you huff, “Am I going to be your only conquest that doesn’t get to feel them??”

Dabi’s hips rock slowly, the movement bringing him closer to you. You greedily swallow him deeper with every movement. The piercings slide inside of you, adding a slight pressure inside that you wouldn’t normally experience. If you could, you’d have him lazily fuck into you for an hour just to feel it.

Dabi chuckles above you. “I get a new piercing for every ship I rob.” Another short, teasing thrust has your wrapping your legs around his waist. You want him all. Now. “Can’t wait to get another when I’m done here.”

He finally bottoms out, his cock filling you completely. You squeeze around his length. A sharp hiss fills the room. Dabi’s nails grab your thighs, leaving halfmoon indents. You wiggle your hips and watch him hang onto a thread of composure.

“Fuckin’ brat.” Dabi’s eyes smolder with lust. He hooks his hands underneath your knees and presses them back against your chest as far as they’ll go.

“Look at you.” He gives a shallow thrust and grins. “So fuckin’ greedy. So needy. You’re so fuckin’ wet for me.”

Dabi must not’ve liked the huff of annoyance you made. He gives a sharp thrust, the head of his cock kissing the tip of your cervix. Your knees find their way to his shoulders and he sets a harsh pace. And while his words may be crude, he makes up for it in other ways – namely his thumb circling your clit.

You can feel it building deep inside you; it starts with the tingling in your fingers, the random bolts of electricity ricocheting around your body. Your breath becomes more ragged, heat rises to your cheeks. It builds – a small warmth that turns into a roaring fire, energy that begs for a way out.

“Dabi,” you moan breathlessly. Your words are borderline begging. “I-I’m gonna, I’m-”

“Do it,” Dabi growls, his hips pistoning against yours. “Come for me. Come on my cock.” Your cries fill the room and soon you’re chanting Dabi’s name. A prayer perhaps that this won’t end. 

But with a final thrust, you can feel the throbbing inside your cunt. Dabi stills, flush against you, his head tilted skyward — caught in his own bliss. In all the time you’ve known him, you’ve never seen him this at peace. You relax on your desk, knowing what comes next. 

Emptiness. 

Dabi pulls out and his warm touch turns into strings of cum, chilled as it touches the air, seeping out of you. And the fucker won’t even help clean up. 

“Well, Captain,” Dabi drawls and tucks himself back in his pants, “it’s been fun, but a deal’s a deal.”

Tattooed fingers wrap around a gold orb beside you on your desk. You could stop him — wrap your fingers around him and counter negotiate. Perhaps return the favor and bring him to his knees while you suck him off? Maybe switch spots and ride him until he sees the stars you navigate. 

But in your post climax haze, you can’t move. You can barely think straight. 

“Dabi…” You try to catch your breath. 

Dabi adjusts his belt buckle with a smirk. “At ease, Captain.”

The door clicks shut and you’re alone again. You stay supine on your desk until the raucous cheer dies down. They’re gone.

Smoothing your hair back, you find your pants and straighten your outfit. You’ve had your clothes on for all of five seconds when the door bursts open. 

“Captain!” Hawks shouts. 

“Mr. Hawks,” you reply curtly and stride over to the mirror.

“That bastard left with half the crew and the escape pods.” Hawks relays. “What offer could he have made-”

“Nothing,” you check out your appearance and your first mate in the reflection. Only a small bruise peaks above your collar. Nothing you can’t hide. “Untie the men on the main mast and prepare to take off. We leave once the Professor and Midoriya are back.”

“Captain?” Confusion pushes Hawks’ brows together. 

“He’s on a fool’s errand.” You brush past him and head topside. Hawks follows closely behind you. “He’ll find nothing but disappointment and an angry crew that’ll destroy him the first chance they get.” You smirk at the thought. What’s the old saying? There’s no honor among thieves? “I saw the remnants of your flair. With enough luck we’ll be long gone by then.”

When your First Officer doesn’t respond, you lean in close and whisper in his ear. “You don’t think I’d bring the real map to those negotiations, do you?”

– Two Months Later –

You slam your tankard down on the worn table. Roaring laughter around you fuels your theatrics as you recount your harrowing escape from a dubious crew. 

“And then,” You pick a coin up off the table and perform the oldest magic trick in the book and make the coin disappear and reappear from behind the ear of your first officer who bemusedly listens to your tall tale. “With a bit of sleight of hand, I managed to talk him down and save the map.”

Hawks stifles his laughter and takes a long drink. Eventually you had to tell him what happened – as if the stench of sex in your ready room didn’t give you away. But he lets you have your moment among colleagues.

The next captain at the table starts his story of encountering pirates in another quadrant and all attention falls from you.

“Sleight of hand, eh?” a voice says behind you. Turning, you see the last man you ever expected to see in port again. Somehow, Dabi stands in the middle of the tavern in a freshly pressed blue overcoat. A single stripe on his shoulder denotes his rank. A badge of honor for some, a mark of shame for those who spend their whole lives trying to outrun and undermine it.

“Dabi,” you coo, “I never thought I’d see your ugly mug again.”

“What can I say, I’m not easy to get rid of.”

“And the new uniform,” you say, sliding a hand down the lapel of his coat to rest on his chest.  

“The downfall of my… rescue negotiations.”

“And in the end you gave in like the rest of us,” you laugh knowing all too well that a life serving and sailing the stars is better than being grounded on a floating rock rotting in a prison. “What’re your orders?”

“I’m to report to the Captain of the TSS Legacy.” Turquoise eyes flick to you. “Something about her being the only one that can handle me.”

[showtoonzfan]

Now that the episode is out officially, here’s my rant review of Oops!

PROS:

- Fizz and Ozzie were adorable and I honestly love them. Despite the sex jokes, you can tell they love each other for who they are OUTSIDE of sex. While I did wish we would have seen more, (like how Ozzie took him in and fell in love) they’re still adorable to watch. They’re the better version of Stolitz, can the show be about them instead?

- Brandon’s voice acting holy shit, he really knows how to sound like he’s in tears or is broken. As much as I hate the character and feel no sympathy, he displayed genuine and broken emotion very well.

- Alex Brightman Alex Brightman

Okay that’s it. Moving on to the Cons. Bear with me, it’s a lot and I go back and forth a bit. 😭

CONS:

So for a quick short summary, this episode:

- Once again puts more focus on the filler plot rather than actually focusing on the relationships between the characters, so all we're left with is a 10 second clip of Fizz being burned while the rest of the episode is surrounded on sex jokes/petty bickering and Stolas and Ozzie sitting around.

- Completely erases what made Blitz and Fizz's dynamic interesting in the first place because it retcons it with a dumb miscommunication trope about how Fizz actually wanted to see Blitz and Blitz tried reaching out to him. Not only does this feel like a cheap attempt to make Blitz out to be sweet/sympathetic and NOT the one in the wrong so Fizz can suck up to him, but this also makes no sense within the narrative.

- Has Fizz forgive Blitz despite him being the last person anyone would think would forgive him. (So honestly ruins Fizz himself because it turned him into a soft boy who's forgiving compared to the asshole he was in Ozzie's) All because Viv would sell her whole soul before she even remotely considers painting characters like Blitz and Stolas out to be the one's in the wrong.

- Takes Stolas out of the hospital completely, erasing all the drama/tension Western Energy had and proves that that episode was utterly pointless.

- Turns Striker from an interesting complex villain to a Saturday morning cartoon goon.

- Proves to us that Crimson is just a flat tool and gives us more prove that the world building rules Viv set up in season 1 legit don't matter.

-Ruins Blitz/Barbie's feud now because now you're making Barbie look like the one in the wrong since the fire was an accident. God forbid a female characters emotions in this show are justified.

But if you want my more in depth rants, it’s under the cut! (There’s a lot so bear with me lol)

- As usual WAAY too many sex jokes and swearing. It gets annoying and repetitive at times and some of them distract from the main plot. There’s a long and I mean LONNG dragged out joke of Fizz talking about Ozzie’s dick, then later saying he’s hard when Striker has a gun to his head, as well as Blitz making a joke about him and Fizz making out once they hug. Again, Viv can’t be serious for 2 seconds without an unfunny shitty gag. I genuinely wonder if Hazbin is ganna be like this, where a character is in a life threatening situation or a deep dark serious scene happens only for the next scene to be sex related.

- This is one of those “shit happens because the plot demands it” and it shows. Crimson and Striker COINCIDENTLY meet up with each other, and Fizz and Blitz just so HAPPEN to be in the same exact area they are. Viv wonders why we call her shit a fanfic and this is what we mean, when she creates wild wacky plots and focuses more on THAT rather than the actual character writing. This entire episode hinges on a useless poorly last minute planned kidnapping plot that didn’t need to happen. Also way to once again make the characters idiots so the plot can happen, cause Fizz KNOWS Ozzie worries for him and that the Greed Ring is dangerous, yet purposefully puts the spotlight on him.

- Stolas did NOT need to be in this episode. The plot completely ignores the fact that he was in the hospital the last time we saw him, and he’s only here for Stolitz banter. You’d think that a character admitting they have feelings for someone would be a big deal but he just flat out says it and it’s so underwhelming and feels half assed with no weight to it. Fan comics have made more dedication to this than Viv has. We're supposed to believe him too despite the show failing to actually SHOW us this. Same for Blitz ranting about how “nice” Stolas has been to him, laughing at his jokes and liking his posts…hey Viv, can we actually SEE that on screen so it’s more believable? Or are you only determined to show them sexually flirting? 😑

- Once again Viv felt the need to shove a B plot into this episode and this one sucks because it’s just two characters sitting and doing fucking nothing. It felt like Viv had no idea what to do with Stolas and Ozzie, and I refuse to believe that Ozzie just sat there knowing Fizz was in danger. If anything he would have said “fuck the paperwork” and went to save Fizz himself. Way to show that gif of Ozzie getting mad as a sneak peak to get fans excited, only to see that Ozzie spends the rest of the episode sitting in a dark room LMAO what a let down.

- Ozzie is weirdly chill and cool with Stolas and it’s something I don’t get. While he did say that Stolas had the real “spirit of Lust” in S1E7, it still gave you the impression that he was also more poking fun at Stolas rather than respecting him. The whole point of House of Asmodeous was that Ozzie outs him and publicly embarrassed him. Stolas literally was intimidated just by Asmodeous’s mere name, and hid his face around him. It seemed like Stolas certainly didn’t want someone like Ozzie to know about his private life especially since they’re both part of the Ars Goetia. Now here Ozzie is just cool with him and it feels like a missed opportunity for their dynamic.

- Stolas confessing his feelings about Blitz also makes…no sense narrative wise. I thought the whole point of The Circus and the ending to Western Energy was that he was realizing that Blitz didn’t like him that way and was finally waking up. I thought that’s why he was doing this whole crystal deal in the first place, so he can let Blitz go, yet the show keeps flip flopping and insisting that these two love each other and are good for each other. It’s really making you realize how this season and the previous stuff set up is becoming nonsense because the writers retcon EVERY damn episode. Also….why the hell is Stolas telling Ozzie his feelings for Blitz? Out of all people, why is it Ozzie, the person who outed Stolas and embarrassed him. Why is Stolas even respectful of Ozzie? He has no reason to, and he’s not under the impression that he’s dating Fizz either. I get that he needs the crystal but mentioning his love for Blitz makes no sense.

- Striker and Crimson teaming up to kidnap Blitz and Fizz was such an ass puller last minute decision. It feels overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time, more because it feels like Viv has no idea what to do with these two villain characters other than give them something evil to do to start the plot. Also…why…are they working together? It feels so random.

- Striker’s character especially is all over the place. First he’s working for Stella, then he’s painted as the best assassin in hell, and now he’s…looking for more work I guess and working for Crimson? Why? Does this guy even have a motive anymore? It feels like his character is just dangling around until Viv wants to use him for another wattpad kidnap plot and it ESPECIALLY shows when Striker escapes for the THIRD fucking time. Can this character/storyline actually GO somewhere or are you just going to keep introducing him and have him run away. 🤦🏽‍♀️

— How did Crimson not know who Striker is despite him being labeled as “the most popular assassin in hell”, and how the hell does Crimson know Ozzie and know all the information about him being in a relationship with Fizz?? Oh right because we needed the plot to happen somehow. Still, even if Crimson did know that Ozzie was the "weakest" and loved Fizz, (which….what about Beezlebub?)) he still should have known he was playing with fire. I get that he's supposed to be evil and intimidating but how could he have predicted that Ozzie would actually stand down and fill out the paperwork? He could have immediately came there and killed Crimson for all he knew. It's just distracting how..not planned this shit was.

- Fuck this episode for calling Striker a supremacist. It makes no sense?? Viv is trying SO hard to villainize him despite him being the one in the right and it pisses me off. He has every right to be mad at the upper class, he’s part of the lower class that we’re said Hell takes advantage of, but god forbid we call out Rich and powerful Stolas because that would mean he’s a b-bad person and we can’t have that complex morality! This is so not a “eat the rich” story and it shows bc Vivzie is rich as hell. Striker as a character deserves so much better man. Congrats writers, you had an interesting character and motive set up for him, now he’s nothing but a silly goon that you might as well kill off already cause you clearly don’t care about him. Crimson meanwhile is just a piece of paper, a boring plot device I could give less of a shit about. I thought his motive was to go after Moxxie, now he’s just doing fuck whatever because this show desperately wants a bad guy for their filler fanfic plots.

- We get more world building issues, Ozzie and Fizz are so determined to hide their relationship for obvious reasons, but then at the end of the episode just say “fuck it, no one would dare tell anyway”. So now they’re being open about their relationship and lmao I told y’all the newspaper scene of Ozzie being called out for being a hypocrite wouldn’t go anywhere. Even if Ozzie did threaten his workers to not tell, they can’t be so sure that someone wouldn’t see or snitch, it’s kinda a retcon too cause they were pretty lovey dovey in Ozzie’s. Still, it makes the characters look dumb and it makes the rules Viv set up for Hell once again not mean anything.

- We finally get to see Fizz’s backstory in action and it’s executed in the most underwhelming way possible. It’s literally a fucking 10 second clip of what went down, and rather than experiencing the event for ourselves, it’s in flashback mode but with Fizz’s voice talking over it. That’s it. I’ve seen fan comics/fanart that built this shit up better than Viv did, that actually took the slow time and dedication it needed, and here it feels like such an afterthought, like Viv could care less. Maybe if this actually was a character driven show like Viv claims, Stolas, Striker, and Crimson would be taken out of the picture and then that would leave us with PLENTY time to actually explore and develop Blitz/Fizz, bc most of this episode is just them pettily bickering and Stolas and Ozzie sitting around. But nah, we gatta have our fanfic kidnapping plot. Same goes for the reveal of Blitzo’s mom dying in the same fire. Glad to know that she got the same treatment Moxxie’s mom did, where we don’t even know her and yet we’re supposed to feel moved and care about her death. You nailed that one Viv. 👍

- I predicted that this episode would victimize Blitz and have the fire incident be an accident, (because Viv is a pussy writer and can’t make her characters actually do bad things like god forbid) but I never thought they’d actually have the balls to have Fizz forgive Blitz immediately in the same episode and pull the “actually turns out that horrible thing you did to me helped me in a way”- trope. Biggest flaw of the episode, fuck you Viv. I was actually going to applaud Blitz for taking accountability, but then the dialogue reminds you that an abuser wrote this, and he shifts his apology to “okay but I lost something too see so it’s not all about you” as if he’s fucking dismissing Fizz’s trauma and making it about himself. “I love flawed characters” my fucking ass. I would have smacked a bitch if I was Fizz because Blitzo loosing his mother in the fire too isn’t an excuse?? Fizz lost his fucking ARMS AND LEGS, and at the end of the day Blitzo STILL KNEW HE WAS HELPLESS IN THE FIRE BUT LEFT HIM BEHIND. He could have gotten help and came back, but didn’t. If this were a good show Fizz would have threw that apology back in Blitzo’s face and said “I don’t care if it was an accident or not, you still left me there and then proceeded to loathe me for years”. This is why Helluva will never be Bojack cause at least characters in that show who got treated horribly by him knew when to say “no, fuck you.”

- The episode retcons again, this time they make it out to be that Blitz TRIED contacting Fizz the years they were apart but no one would let him see him. Then they say that Fizz actually WANTED to see Blitz but assumed he didn’t want to, so their entire feud was solely because of miscommunication?? Number one, show don’t fucking tell omg. And number two, that makes ZERO sense. Blitz talked badly about Fizz in Loo Loo Land, and when they finally reunited in Ozzie’s, it was clear they fucking loathed each other. You got the impression that Blitz was petty and jealous just because Fizz was more popular, and Fizz not only loathed him for the accident, but liked to rub in his face about how much of a big shot he was. They literally do that in this episode too, so the episode is literally contradicting itself. Blitz and Fizz had multiple chances to meet up with each other, you can’t just say “oh they couldn’t because no one would let them”- So which is it? Did they hate each other because of bad blood, petty drama, or that they thought the other didn’t want to see them? Pick ONE Viv and stick to it, but she never does. Their feud was interesting and now you ruined it just to have some sweet happy ending. “Adult mature show” my ass lol.

-Bottom line is Fizz shouldn’t have forgave Blitz so easily, or forgave him period. I find it funny how he says “it’s hard to just forgive you” and then he literally does lol. I feel so bad for Fizz fans, him and Blitz’s feud was honestly interesting, so to see all of this go down in a half-assed piss poor way as if this was Care Bears is….wow. The fan interpretations had more thought and care put into this storyline but what else is new lol.

- I’m really tired of these shitty annoying songs. If you’re going to get Broadway actors, please put effort into your songwriting and actually have them sing something good, not something that’s literally nonsense. This Fizz song sounds like it took less than a minute to write and Sam Haft was just thinking of anything he could think of at the top of his head. Also Why the fuck are Striker and Crimson just STANDING there while Fizz sings. They look like idiots, just SHOOT them omg. If this were a funny show, Fizz would have started his first note and Crimson just rolls his eyes and pulls his gun out.

- Fizz and Ozzie kill the lawyer but not…Crimson? Despite Fizz knowing what ring he’s in and even Ozzie knowing what he looks like? Same for Blitz, he doesn’t try to make sure Striker is dead. I get that the plot demands for these two to still be around, but there’s a way to keep them alive without making the main characters look like fucking idiots. Also Stolas just leaves without doing or contributing anything to the plot yay.

- Fizz: “Let him have it, you could say he’s earned it”— Uhm….Nope. Blitz did NOT earn shit. He didn’t even earn Fizz’s forgiveness. Last time I checked, the moment Blitz cried and said it was an accident, Fizz forgave him, knowing he didn’t mean it. What effort did Blitz do to “earn” that as well as the crystal? Because he saved Fizz and didn’t leave him behind for the SECOND time near the end?? Cause if so than the bar is extremely low. That’s the bare minimum, just because Blitz cried and felt bad about it doesn’t mean he should be let off the hook Viv. I hate this so much, what a shitty conclusion, it feels forced just so Blitz can have the crystal and just so the writers can once again paint him as the one in the right. It’s almost insulting that they make it seem like Fizz was in the wrong for assuming Blitz starting the fire too, same for Barbie.

God what a shitty day it is to be a Fizz fan, I’m sorry. The episode did NOT do him justice. Fizzarolli deserved better than that half assed gaslighting apology for someone who lost their arms and legs man, and I’m tired of the show letting every character suck up to Blitz and Stolas for their horrible treatment just because they feel bad. Not only that but the episode (as most recent HB episodes) was a huge time waster. Everyone was really hoping for an in depth walkthrough of his character/backstory but again, when he’s not with Ozzie, the rest/most of his screen time is dedicated to him being helpless and pointlessly arguing with Blitz, plus a long dragged out nonsense song that didn’t need to happen. It felt like SO much time was wasted when we could have used the runtime we have to dive deeper and see more, like….again it would have been nice to see Fizz’s life AFTER the accident and how he became well known as well as how he fell in love with Ozzie, but his backstory is briefly scratched upon in a single scene and that’s it, all because Viv wanted this filler plot and wanted to dedicate more time to THAT rather than actual character expansion/development, something we could have got had you took out Stolas and Ozzie’s B plot and Striker and Crimson.

Viv is so on her way to murder/ruin every character that isn’t Blitz and Stolas and I won’t be here to watch further. I’ll check out the Mammon music video thing but that’s it man, this show is going off the rails, Adding Fizz to the character adoption list!

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Loving your work! If I may request a thing, we got Lisa, we got Vlad, can we get an Alucard too???? Have an amazing day!

Ask: Loving your work! If I may request a thing, we got Lisa, we got Vlad, can we get an Alucard too???? Have an amazing day! 

Ask: could you please continue modern reader with lisa and maibe some alucard x reader in there as well

A/N: I keep re-reading the first two parts just because they make me so happy thinking about what might’ve been. Of course, now that I know Lisa and Vlad end up together and are okay- I feel less awful rewatching S1. (That’s a lie, I have to skip that scene every time! 😭)

Fire Cannot Kill A Dragon (Part 3) 

In a flash, you, the good doctor, and the literal fucking Dracula appeared on the stone steps of what you assumed must’ve been their castle home. 

‘Holy fucking shit, this place is fucking huge!’ You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Standing before you was a colossal grotesque-looking castle. Extra towers and additions were maddeningly constructed, stemming from random points. The entire thing looked a holy mess of brick and mortar- a shrine to all that was powerful and wicked. You shuddered just thinking about the kind of beings who must have walked the halls of a structure so largely horrifying.  

Straining your neck back to get a good look, you found yourself wobbling out of the teleportation group hug you were just sandwiched in. 

“Are you alright?” The good doctor, Lisa, asked. 

You guffawed. “Am I, alright? Me?” You looked back and forth between her and the massive castle. Shaking your head in utter disbelief, you answered, “Oh yeah, I’m just peachy. Never better.” 

Dracula paid your sarcasm no mind, clearly having more important things to tend to. Gently, he scooped up his wife before walking towards the immense entrance doors. Much to your continued amazement, the giant doors swung open automatically, as if by a motion sensor, but you knew that couldn't be right. This was like medieval times, they wouldn't have fucking motion sensors and automatic doors just yet. 

You scurried after the two of them, being forced to take extra quick steps to keep up with Dracula’s rather large gait. 

If the outside of the castle was noteworthy, then the inside was incredible. A giant red velvet throne sat in the middle of a central grand staircase. A lavish red carpet with gold trim and marble stone floor work was illuminated with what looked very similar to electric lights. In fact, despite the spectacular architecture, the whole place seemed relatively modern. But that was another impossibility, right? 

“Wow,” you spun around, dazed. “When you said, castle, you weren’t kidding.” 

“I told you,” Lisa answered, calling from somewhere behind her husband’s broad back. 

“So, now what?” You asked, following the two of them up the grand steps. 

“Now you can wait here.” Dracula’s powerful voice reverberated around the otherwise empty throne room. 

Lisa placed a hand on her husband’s chest. “Vlad! She’s injured as well, she needs to come with us.” 

You could hear the broad man grumble but argue nothing further. 

Following the two of them, you walked for what seemed like ages before arriving in a brightly lit laboratory. Once inside the room, you could see there were wooden benches and tables covered in glass vials of varying shapes and sizes and open books strewn across every other available surface. You had no clue what the vials contained, but everything seemed important. And nestled in the farthest corner of the room was a series of cots. 

The giant man that was Dracula appeared to levitate as he wove through the crowded tables before arriving at the nearest cot and placing his wife on the bed. Once she was settled, Lisa gestured for you to come and join her. 

Hesitantly, you walked over to where she was seated, grimacing at an up-close view of her blistering feet. “I uh, know you said you're a doctor, but those look pretty bad.” 

Lisa crossed her left leg, lifting her foot up to get a proper view. She hissed, glancing up at your horrified expression. “They’ll look worse in a couple of days,” she said, before turning her attention to Vlad. 

“My love.” Dracula bent over to kiss his wife on the head, before returning to his imposing full height. “I swear to you, I will do whatever is necessary to make you well. You will not know this pain for long. Whatever you wish for, I will get.” 

Lisa smiled, reaching for his hand. “Always so dramatic.” She said, pressing her soft lips to his clawed fingers. “I can heal this by human medicine alone. I’ve treated patients with worse burns before.” 

“Yes,” Vlad agreed, “But this time is different.” 

Lisa raised her left brow. “Oh? And how is that?” 

“Those stupid, little, puerile human lives were of no consequence- not to me, not to the world. But you…” Dracula stopped mid-sentence, once again dropping down to his wife’s height. “The rest of the world could burn, rot away like the selfish, useless beings they are, and none of it would matter, as long as you were safe in my arms.” 

Lisa pulled her husband’s large hand close to her cheek. “Please,” she begged, “Don’t let this undo all your hard work. I know, somewhere, deep down, you know it’s only because they don’t know any better. You can’t punish them for that. At least for now, please iubirea mea.” 

For what must’ve been the tenth time in the last half-hour, you stood there silently, feeling like the awkward third man out. You spent a moment picking at your fingers before taking in a breath and bravely cutting through the silence.

“So what exactly do you need?” Your words seemed to bring both parties' focus back to the present. 

“I’ll need some honey, my jar of willow bark as well as my willow tincture,” Lisa started. “A cut of aloe vera, and fresh goat's milk. Oh, and the good bandages- the fine linen ones from Egypt. And Vlad, take (Y/N) with you.” 

“Oh no,” you raised your hands in protest. “I don't want to get in the way of anybody or anything. I mean, you probably know the castle like the back of your hand- after all, you are Dracula,” you gestured to the giant vampire before you. “And I’d just get lost, so I should probably just stay here with you,” you finished, speaking to Lisa. 

“On the contrary,” Lisa countered, “I think it’s a perfect opportunity for the two of you to get to know each other. After all, if what my husband said about you is true, I can’t think of anyone better qualified to find you a way home.” 

‘She’s kinda got a point,’ you tilted your head to the side and shrugged your shoulders. “Okay, fine. I guess I’ll just go with your husband then. Dracula, I mean Vlad, uh, I mean Mr. Doctor Tepes.” 

Lisa pursed her lips to stifle her laugh while her husband rolled his eyes. 

“But if he eats me,” you whispered to Lisa before following Vlad out of the room, “It’s all your fault.” 

“Are you coming, silly little human?” Dracula’s contemning voice called expectantly from the hall. 

Speed-walking, you catch up to him just as he begins to ascend yet another staircase. 

“It’s uh (Y/N),” you said, not expecting much of a reaction. 

Dracula paused, causing you to crash right into his enormous rock-solid vampire back. 

‘Shit!’ You lept backward, holding your now smushed nose. ‘Was the guy made of fucking metal or something?’ 

“On second thought,” your voice sounded super nasally, “‘Silly little human’ is fine by me.” 

Dracula turned to face you, slowly, menacingly. At least that's how it felt to you. You supposed there wasn’t much he could do to not appear menacing, even if he tried. 

“Fine then, (Y/N),” he started. 

You shuddered at the sound of your own name. 

“Be useful and fetch the goat’s milk. Go back down the way we came. On the first floor instead of going right, go left. There’s a kitchen off the main hall. A little past that, there’s a door to the outside where two Bezoar goats are tied.” 

You nodded furiously, determined not to spite the supernatural man any further before speed walking to the staircase. 

A few moments later you were once again back on what Dracula referred to as ‘the first floor’, even if that made zero sense to you because as you recalled, you went up like two-and-a-half stairs just to get there in the first place, but whatever. You shrugged your shoulders.  

Traversing down the rather long hallway on your quest for the kitchen, you found yourself wondering if sticking around in this time period might be so bad after all. I mean to be fair, you weren't in some godforsaken village, surrounded by peasants covered in shit and burlap, no! You were in a literal frickin’ castle with the actual frickin’ Dracula as your host. 

‘Things could be worse,’ you reminded yourself. ‘I mean- hey!’ Coming upon the kitchen, you nearly jumped for joy. “Finally!” 

You slowed your pace, and kept walking, on the lookout for that exit Dracula mentioned. You found the dramatic door discreetly nestled in an equally elegant wall. You were impressed. It was becoming more and more clear to you that vampires certainly had an eye for the dramatic. 

Pushing through the heavy door, you were pleasantly surprised to find yourself standing on a tidied veranda where two goats stood happily munching on a bale of hay. 

‘Well, that’s convenient.’ You walked over to where the goats were tied. “Um, hi,” you waved. 

The goats said nothing. Not that you expected them to say anything, but maybe, at least, make some sort of goat noise in response. 

You tapped one on the back. “Excuse me, can I go get some milk, is that okay?” 

The goat continued munching. 

“Alright,” you slowly bent over, picking up one of the empty metal buckets that had been put off to the side. “So, I’m just gonna grab this guy here. And just come on down here.” You slowly kneeled next to one of the goats, peeking under them. You frowned, not exactly confident in your knowledge of goat anatomy. 

Taking a calming breath, you cast your apprehensions aside. Lisa was counting on you. And you really didn't want to give Dracula any more reason to hate you.

‘Okay, just find an udder and squeeze.’ 

Was that right? You had no idea. 

The goats didn’t seem to mind what you were doing however, so you continued on until you had gotten what you hoped was enough for whatever the doctor had in mind. 

“Alright then,” you stood, taking care to pat both of the goats. “Um, good job, er, thank you?” 

Again, the goats gave your presence no response. They merely stood there, continuing to much on their hay. 

Huffing, you and the bucket made your way back inside. ‘Don’t know why I fucking bother.’ 

Back inside the castle, you began the arduous trek back up to the laboratory. 

You were across from the laboratory entrance when you caught something white out of the corner of your eye. You assumed it was yet another grand tapestry you had missed on your initial walk-up, so you turned to get a better look, not expecting much. 

Boy, were you wrong. 

‘Holy fucking shit, that’s a wolf!’ 

A rather large and beastly-looking white wolf stood not ten feet from both you and the laboratory door. Its amber eyes regarded you with a glint of somewhat hostile curiosity. Not that it mattered to you. You were already so the hell outta there. 

Making a mad dash for it, you sprinted into the laboratory and slammed the doors shut behind you. The resounding noise called both Lisa's and Dracula’s attention over to you immediately. 

“Okay, so no one panic, but there is a wild animal in the hallway.” 

A very concerned Lisa and a very unamused Vlad shared a look. 

“You brought the goat with you?” She asked. “I doubt those were my husband’s instructions but that’s certainly not a reason to panic.” 

Overall, Dracula paid your outburst no mind. He merely went back to sorting supplies on the cot next to his wife. 

“Not a goat!” You whispered harshly. 

Lisa rolled her head to the side in sudden realization. Her worried expression melted away into a knowing smile. “Adrian,” she said to Vlad. 

“Mhm,” Dracula nodded, handing his wife a cleaning cloth. “The boy did always know how to make an entrance.” 

Lisa smirked, playfully poking her husband. “He gets that from you.” 

You put your head in your hands, frustratedly pulling the skin down as you ran your hands down your face. “Hold on, hold on… Let me get this straight. You,” you pointed to Lisa, “Are a doctor and you’re married to Dracula, aka you.” You then pointed at him. “And you said you had a son-” 

“Adrian,” Lisa interrupted. 

“Right, right. Adrian, who,” you pointed at the still closed door, “Is a werewolf?!” 

Dracula shook his head, disappointedly. “He’s half vampire, not half werewolf.” He handed his wife a small glass vial, invariably turning his attention back to her. “I thought you said she was rather clever for a human.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Look, all I know is that behind this door is a giant scary…” You swung open the lab door to demonstrate your point, only to come face to face with the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen.

Squeaking in shock, you slammed the door shut once again. 

“Could you please,” Dracula hissed out, “Stop slamming the door?” 

Inwardly you cringed. “Sorry,” you apologized sheepishly. 

“Excuse me,” a suave voice spoke from behind the door. “But do you not wish for me to enter?” 

“Adrian, darling! Of course, you can enter,” Lisa called to her son from where she lay resting on the cot. “(Y/N)’s just a little frightened that’s all.” 

You backed up, opening the door and allowing the actual freaking Adonis-looking figure before you to enter. 

God was he gorgeous. Like an elf, but in real life. He was tall and slender, but you could see the strength of his muscles from the strip of bare cleavage, left exposed by his loose white shirt and open black coat. His hair was the color of sunshine, so similar to his Mother’s. And his slender eyes reminded you of Dracula’s small but strong piercing ones. 

Walking past you, the stranger, well this Adrian, paid you little mind. Much like the goats and his Father, he didn’t even acknowledge you or say hello. 

‘Seriously?,’ you thought, ‘Is there something wrong with the men in this family?’ 

“Mother…” This Adrian fellow fell to his knees at the foot of Lisa’s cot. You watched his upper body begin to shake with sobs. 

Once again, you stood there awkwardly, silently watching the emotional scene unfold before you. 

As his son and wife continued their embrace, Dracula walked over to collect the bucket from you. 

“I uh, hope that’s enough.” You said. 

The great vampire nodded. “It will suffice for now.” He then headed over to a nearby table, where a stack of fresh linen bandages waited. A long-clawed finger beckoned you over. “Here,” he handed you several bandages, “Soak these in there.” 

“Uh, sure.” You started methodically adding dry bandages to the bucket, soaking them, and wringing them out so that they were saturated but wouldn’t drip. Every couple of bandages or so, you stopped to check up on the other two in the room. 

By the time you had finished dipping the bandages, the crying seemed to be over. 

‘Thank god.’ 

Once you finished, Dracula brought most of the linens back over to his wife. 

“Adrian,” Lisa wiped away the remainder of her tears with a sleeve of her Speakers robe. “Could you help (Y/N), while your Father continues helping me? She’s been burned too.” 

“Oh no,” you shook your head in protest. “I’m fine really.” But with the thought now in your head, it was impossible to ignore the growing pain in your feet. “Ow, shit.” Defeated, you grimaced, the reality of your wounds finally starting to sink in. 

Moving slowly, you removed your robe before taking a seat on the edge of one of the tables. Without the heavy fabric on the way you were able to cross your leg and bring your foot up, you frowned at the sight and smell of melted pleather. ‘Ugh. Well, that’s attractive.’

“Allow me,” slender hands appeared before you and began unlacing your boots. 

You looked up to find the impossibly gorgeous Adrian Tepes standings before you, now sans coat, seemingly ready to get down to the business of helping you. 

“Actually, there’s a zipper.” You said, turning your foot the other way to unzip your boot. “The laces are just for show.” 

Adrian nodded. “Fascinating.” 

“Yeah, I’m guessing those don’t show up until later.” 

Curious, Adrian looked over at his father. 

Dracula just shook his head. “(Y/N) claims to be from the future.” 

Adrian turned back to you, regarding you more skeptically. 

“The future or an alternate universe,” you supplied. “Not really sure which one yet.” 

“Future or not, you should allow me to remove those boots. There’s a good chance they’ve melded to your skin.” 

“What? No way,” you shook your head and proceeded to rip your boot off. Immediately, you felt a searing pain rip across the bottom of your foot. 

“Motherfucker!” You yelled, the pain so sudden and unexpected, you no longer cared about impressing your current company. 

Adrian, grabbed a sharp blade from the collection of items on the table next to you, seemingly indifferent to your new choice of language. “Told you.” 

“Wait, wait, wait! That doesn’t mean you have to cut my foot off.” You began scooching away from him. 

“This is to cut your other shoe off.” 

“Oh.” You stopped trying to escape. “Well, that makes more sense.” 

“Hmm,” Adrian hummed, getting started on carefully cutting away your other boot. “Your burns are less severe than my Mother’s, but they will still need cleaning and treatment.” 

You sucked in a deep breath as a particularly painful piece of the boot came off your skin. “Okay,” you managed to gasp out. “That’s fine.” 

“I want to thank you,” he continued. “For saving my Mother’s life.” 

“Oh, it was nothing,” you shrugged off his gratitude. “Really, I just did what any good person would’ve done.” 

“You did more,” Adrian took one of your hands in his. “Much more. Possibly more than you’ll ever know,” he glanced over at his Father. “The world owes you a great debt.” 

You half-laughed. “Oh, I don’t know about that.” 

“Perhaps. But at the very least, I, we, owe you a debt.” 

“A debt sounds like too much…” You argued. 

“Well,” Adrian thought for a moment, “How about a favor?” 

You nodded, slowly, coming around to the idea. “I could accept a favor.” 

“It’s a deal then,” Adrian held his hand outstretched for you to shake. 

You shook his hand before clicking your tongue and raising one of your burnt feet. “Do you think I could use that favor to try and keep my feet from turning necrotic and falling off?” 

The glamorous man that was Adrian grinned. “I should think so.” 

You smiled right back at him. “Then I would like that, I think.” 

He nodded, reaching for a dry bandage. “I think I’d, I mean we, would like that too.” 

┈

A/N: Do you notice how each installation in this series gets about 1k longer??? There should be a word for that. Also, kind of thinking up part 4, like maybe Adrian’s still worried about his dad’s plans because Dracula invites his generals to the castle so Adrian and (Y/N) set out to find a hunter & a scholar just in case they need to save Wallachia??? Not sure. Let me know. 

Translations: iubirea mea = my love 

Recipe for Lisa’s Burn Treatment: Honey (found in eastern Europe), tannins from Weeping Willow bark & tea (also found in eastern Europe), Aloe Vera (from Oman in northeastern Africa, which is southwest of Romania, and a port of trade as it’s by the Persian Gulf), and milk-soaked bandages made of fine linen (from Egypt). Remember- the castle’s a giant traveling machine. Sources for this Mostly Historically Accurate Burn Treatments (which is probably still horribly inaccurate but oh well): [x], [x], [x]

[thefallennightmare]

Vas Prizrak-Sixteen

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader. Slight Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2108

Warnings: swearing, some smut if I’m feeling frisky, tiny bits of fluff, and a whole lot of angst.

Summary:  Bucky and Reader’s life in Wakanda had been everything they ever wanted. But when they are told about the fight that was on it’s way to them, they fear that life would be dusted away for good.

A/N: This is a pretty long chapter so I had to write the final fight scene in two part! Also, I’ve been tossing the idea around that once this series is complete of writing some one shots every once in awhile showing how reader and Bucky have adjusted and what not post endgame life. 

TAGS: @mggpleasedontlookhere @grey-force-jedi @austynparksandpizza @lovelyladymayyy​ 

“Bucky?” I questioned for what felt the fifth time. 

Even if he was standing in front of me, in his flesh form, I still could believe or trust what I was seeing. I had been seeing him in my dreams, hearing his voice in my head, for so long. What made this time any different? 

What made it different, was when he stepped towards me and laced our fingers together. The coolness of his vibranium fingers brought so much life and light back into the darkness that had been my soul for the last five years. 

“It’s really you?” 

Bucky lifted my hand to his cheek, a silent way of telling me that he was in fact here. The hairs of his beard had tickled my palm while my fingers danced with the ends of his hair. The five years in the snap hadn’t changed him one bit, still looking devilishly handsome since our last morning together in Wakanda. 

I, however, had changed so much. I could see in the way his eyes drank in my appearance that he had so many questions. 

My body tingled with goosebumps, desire pooling deep within my core, and it clicked that I felt what Bucky had been feeling. So with silence between us, I slowly stood on my toes to reach his plump lips, smacking together with unforgotten ease. Bucky’s hands snaked around my waist, pulling me so close, heat radiating off of him. When my fingers sprawled on his chest, I could feel the warmth immediately. 

His tongue found its way into my mouth, exploring every crevice and dancing with my own. Bucky lifted me with ease, his vibranium arm underneath my ass, and when I locked my legs around him that was when we decided to pull away. Our foreheads rested against each other. 

“You’re back,” I sobbed, tears falling down my cheeks onto his face. 

He nodded, brushing away the tears. 

“I’m back, doll.” 

I kissed him again, slightly hungrier than the last one, wanting to savor his taste to memory. 

“Buck?” 

We both turned our heads towards Steve, who looked dumbfounded that it had worked. Our plan had worked. 

Reluctantly, I dropped to my feet allowing Bucky to give Steve a quick hug. 

“I hate to cut all of our reunions short but we’ve got a huge fight ahead of us.” 

Sam’s voice crackled in our coms 

“Believe it or not, I missed you too Sam,” I smirked. 

“What’s up, Marshmallow. New hair?” 

I realized that my hair was still flaming around my head. Ignoring Sam’s comment, I gave Bucky my full attention once again. The smile that played on his face brought immediate guilt, however, when I saw Steve standing behind Bucky. 

“Bucky, I-.” 

Steve stepped between us, knowing what I was going to confess. 

“Later.” 

Suddenly, Thanos’ army screamed with the want to fight and kill, bringing me back to the reality that lay in front of us. So as I laced fingers with Bucky, I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“We have a lot of things to catch up on when this is all over.” 

Bucky nodded, swinging his gun from his back. 

“You and me, doll. Till the end.” He promised. 

Steve looked at us with a stern gaze, silently asking if we were ready and we both nodded with our answer. Before I called forth the fire, I slipped the mask back over my face which earned a questioning eyebrow raise from Bucky. 

“Is that mine?” He asked. 

“Uh, yeah. I went through a dark time after you disappeared,” I admitted with a slight shrug. 

“And that?” Bucky motioned to the ink on my left arm. 

“Do we have to do this now?” I semi whined. “We’re about to fight for our lives.” 

He held up his hands in surrender but mentioned that we would be having a discussion later. 

The fire spread fast to my fingers, hair still ablaze with flames, and with a final wink towards Bucky, I flew straight up in the air hovering next to Sam. 

“Seriously?” His eyes were wide with confusion. 

I merely shrugged and looked below towards our army, new and old members, with a proud smile. When Steve had mentioned the plan to me weeks ago, I thought he was crazy. There was no way we would be able to get everyone back from the snap but we did it. He promised that he would bring Bucky back home to me and he delivered on that promise. Which is why I owed him the greatest debt I ever owed to anyone. 

Steve called forth Mjolnir with a deep yell. “AVENGERS! Assemble!”

Sam and I flew together towards one of those flying monsters, with one hand still helping me fly I used the other one to send a large fireball towards it. It landed directly into its face but did nothing to phase it. 

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “Sam you’re on your own. I’m going to need both hands for this one.” 

With both feet planted firmly on the ground now, I spread out both hands towards the herd of aliens that came sprinting my way. Shot after shot of flames incinerated them before they even had the chance to touch me. 

Sensing danger, I looked towards Bucky and noticed that one of the large aliens was inches away from him, ready to attack. 

“Bucky!” 

I flew over to him and as I landed in front of him, I placed a large fire wall around us to protect us. The alien had run right into it, falling to the dirt in a pile of ash. 

“That’s new,” Bucky smirked. 

“You haven’t seen anything, yet.” I gave him a quick peck. 

Turning my back to him, I noticed a small fire burning next to us. I shook out whatever nerves I had and decided now would be the best time to try this out. I had read about fire manipulation but was too scared to try it out. 

Letting out a deep breath, I focused all of my energy on the small fire and with the guidance of my fingers, they danced along with the flames as I guided it towards an alien that had started running towards us. 

With a few seconds of peace, I noticed Bucky trying to blow a strand of hair out of his face and chuckled. Quickly running my fingers through his hair, I tied half of it up in a bun so he could see. 

“You’re always looking out for me,” he said. 

I hadn’t had a chance to say anything back, something attacking me from behind. Falling hard to the ground, alien nails clawed their way into my back causing a banshee scream to fall from my lips. 

“Y/N!” 

Snarling teeth snapped at my face, trying to take a chunk of my flesh. I saw a glimmer of metal out of the corner of my eye, noticing Bucky had thrown me a knife. With fast reflexes, I snatched it up and stabbed it into the aliens head. 

“Ugly mother fuckers,” I cursed after throwing the dead body off of me. 

Bucky gently helped me to my feet and winced when he saw the wound on my stomach. I immediately reassured him that I was fine. 

“It’s an old one. I cauterized it earlier to stop the bleeding,” I said while pushing his hand away. 

“CAP! What do you want me to do with the gauntlet?”

Clint's worried voice sounded through our coms. 

“We need to get them back to where they came from,” I said into mine. 

“We can’t. Thanos destroys the quantum tunnel.” Tony’s informed us.

I cursed and looked over towards Bucky. “We’re fucked.” 

“No we’re not. We’ve got another time machine,” Scott reminded us. 

The sound of a corny horn tune played throughout the battlefield and Bucky gave me a confused glance. I merely shrugged in response. 

“Anyone see an ugly brown van out there?” Steve asked. 

Bucky nodded behind me. “Y/N and I see it. You’re not going to like where it’s parked.” 

We noticed that it was parked directly in the middle of Thanos’ army so we knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task keeping Scott safe while he tried to get the van working. 

Bucky and I continued to fight side by side, not missing a beat. I blasted fire ball after fireball to countless aliens, keeping them from getting close to us. 

The sky above cracked with missiles falling from Thanos’ ship, raining down towards us. Clapping my hands, a fire shield erupted from them and I held it up towards the missiles, protecting Bucky and I from them. They exploded once they touched the shield. 

“Y/N! I could use some help over on this end!” Steve’s voice demanded through the coms. 

Looking towards his voice, I saw that he had started to get run over by a group of aliens. Guiding a large fire that burned an old part of the Avengers compound to the aliens, Steve gave me a nod of thanks when they all burned at his feet. 

“Marshmallow! You’ve got a second?” 

Hearing Sam’s voice, I gave Bucky my attention for a second asking if he would be fine. He gave me a simple answer by raising his gun, killing an alien that had snuck up on me from behind. 

Suddenly I was flying through the air over towards Sam. “Whatcha need?” 

“The van is about to get over run with a hoard of them,” he nodded below us. 

“I’ve got something in mind but I’ve never done it before,” I admitted. 

“Do it,” Sam yelled. 

Nodding, I spun my hands in a circle, over and over again, using the already burning flames to create a large tornado; a fire tornado. Using all of my focus, I guided it towards the horde of aliens that were seconds away from attacking the van. They screeched as they spun in the flames, turning to ash. 

“Holy shit that was cool,” I muttered. 

I knew that they were endless possibilities of what I could do with my powers, I never knew exactly what I could do. 

Suddenly the missiles from Thanos’ ship had changed their trajectory, shooting at something in the atmosphere. Sam and I looked at each other as we both flew closer to what it was shooting at. 

Carol Danvers appeared, flying herself into the airship, causing it to crumble within. Once it had fallen into the waters below, I descended down and came to a stop next to Steve. 

“We need to help Carol deliver the gauntlet to Scott,” He said. 

I looked around at the battle scene and had an idea but I was unsure if it would actually work. I had read about it years ago and the last time I tried it, I ended up leveling an old abandoned city in Russia. 

“I might have a way but I’m not sure if it will work.”

I filled him in on my plan and was surprised when he didn’t give me a crazed look. He believed that I could do it. 

“You need to focus, clear your mind and focus on that,” Steve assured me. 

Sucking in my bottom lip, I slowly nodded agreeing that I would try to do it. 

“Hey guys,” I started to speak into my com, “I have a way to stop all of the aliens and the large worm things. But I want to apologize beforehand in case I burn any of you to death.” 

“Excuse me?” Sam spoke. 

“The last time I did this it didn’t end well,” I defended. 

“Doll, do it. We’ll be fine.” 

Bucky’s voice calmed the last nerves I had left and with a quick nod to Steve, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My hands raised to my sides, all of my focus and thoughts on bringing the flames from Hell below to the surface. The ground shook violently below my boots and letting out a long breath, my eyes snapped open with darkness encasing my pupils and I floated in the air. Flames bursted their way through the ground, setting Thanos’ army ablaze almost immediately and guiding the largest of the flames to the worms in the sky, they burned to black ash; raining down around all of us. 

I couldn’t relish in the moment that I had finally pulled it off correctly because my body had felt weak, my unconscious taking over. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I started falling from the sky, body limp. 

“Y/N!” Bucky bellowed. 

[breakingbadfics]

Thought Experiment Part 3

Do it again, my way.  

So this one gives me a degree of creative libery because I’m adhering to a simple premise of “give rey a girlfriend and eventually get to the point where they can beat the tar out of kylo ren.” 

There is no “rogue sith” outlier in my version of this story and so my version of “The Sith Resurgence” wouldn’t even be named that. but I’ll continue to refer to it as “my version” simple for ease of use. 

The story begins With Han Solo, Chewbacca, and a girl. they’re in a piece of shit ship that they’ve been using while they hunt down the millenium falcon. 

This girl is simply refered to as “Kara” 

The story of episode 7 plays out as it had in the movie. up until Rey and Finn meet Han and Chewie, this is the reveal of Kara proper and the eventual reveal that Kara is in fact running with Han and Chewie because her father Luke Skywalker entrusted her to them. 

Yeah we’re going there. Mara Jade is canon in this version of the story, She and Luke had a baby. The eventual reveal being that Kara was increcibly young and hadn’t begun any force training when things went south with Ben Solo, and Mara Jade died protecting her child as a building collapsed in on her. 

Racked with guilt over failing Ben Solo, and Leia. Luke chooses to go into seclusion, and (while a bit fucked up) chooses to hand Kara over to his sister and brother in law knowing that they’ll lead her right and it’s really the only thing he can think of that would even start to make up for screwing up with Ben.

Kara Skywalker takes heavily off Han having spent a large chunk of her life with him, she’s exceptionally care free, an exceptional shot when given the chance but has the kind of take no shit attitude from Leia. She’s been living under the assumption her real father died in an accident she’s too young to remember, but is suddenly shocked with surprise to find that not only is he not dead but the primary goal of the Resistance is to find her dad so she leaps at the chance to join Rey and Finn 

Kara is also the first to get the crush on Rey, and Kara tends to be a more grounding empathetic kind of source for Rey who would over the sort be more angry with things. 

We also don’t mince words here, Kara’s gay, Rey has never had a relationship with anyone long enough to realy know what she likes, but she likes Kara. and they’re in a relationship somewhere between the ending of 7 and 8. Kara is the one who declares her feelings and Rey wants to try. 

The Majority of the events of Episode 7 playout as normal but keep the aspects that foreshadow the forcebond. Then on top of that  this version of the story we’re going to make Kylo Ren a threat. regularly showing off just how often he’s willing to make examples of everyone around him to the point that the scene where he force chokes a dude after he proceeds to carry him by the throat out into the front to display his death to a bunch of other first order officers to make a show of it. if you are going to have Kylo Ren be a piece of shit scum of the galaxy bad guy, you make him do the bad guy shit. 

Han Solo Dies and now it’s compounded. This is a man who’s now a father figure to two young women; Rey and Kara, and with the latter being much more closely tied to him, witnessing the death of the man who raised her being a galvanizing event that makes he have zero empathy for her cousin. 

The events of episode 7 end in roughly the same fashion with that leg of the story ending with Kara and Rey staying with the resistance until Finn is no longer in a coma. 

Episode 8 begins with Rey and Kara participating in the easrly space battle and the bombing run at the start...well I’m split between it doesn’t happen at all, or it’s happening with out a hitch. So I guess for the sake of things they remain more or less the same. 

Meanwhile Finn comes out of his coma, Rey and Kara grab him and they shoot off to find Luke Skywalker. 

Meanwhile Poe ends up getting tagged up with Rose. Rose having a lot of words to say to poe and a lot of things to guilt him for. He is in effect responsible for her sister dying and she’s basically going to stay stuck on him, during this event they both decide to go find the master code cracker on canto bight. 

We get to Ahch-to. 

Theres a lot of emotion. Anger, sadness, screaming. This is the reuniting of a father and daughter. the daughter having trhought her whole life her was dead. There ids a lot to go over 

assume a couple of chapters are devoted to explaining everything from luke to kara, and rey, and everything involving Ben Solo. 

This is also the formal introduction of the force bond. The Force Bond serves the same literary purpose and ultimately creates the same kind of back and forth that Rey and Kylo Ren are able to speak to one another, but not physically interact. While still antagonistic it does allow them to have a slightly better angle at “Seeing each others point” but it’s made very understood that Rey has zero romantic desires towards Ben Solo, that said, it’s also a little less likely that Ben Solo is going to die. 

Canto Bight goes like this Rose and Poe go looking for the master code cracker, and...get both. The Benicio Del Toro, and the weird sauve dude. the fake cracker and the real one present two sides of neutrality. during interactions Poe and Rose find out that The true master code cracker has accepted jobs from both the resistance and the first order on more than one occasion, never once informing one or the other of how he refuses to stick to one side and boldly showing pride in how he’s taking advantage of both sides, the del toro cracker is...what you saw  in the movie, the guy pushing the whole “the only smart move is to not bother trying to get involved, and when you do get out as quick as you can”  Rose and Poe hate both of them equally, and they both die before episode 8 is over. 

Episode 8 ends similiar to the movie but with some changes minor and major. it’s both Kara and Rey that help the resistance escape from the first order, both of them doing the clearing rocks with the force thing. This is effectively the moment they cement theirselves as a couple. 

and second Luke doesn’t die. There’s no overlying reason. I just don’t think Luke has to die. 

Well there’s one. sometime around chapter 30 of the sith resurgence there’s a discussion had with the protagonists where there’s mention of who knows how many force sensitives are actually in the resistance and have never known it, and this is brought up as a cool “maybe we can do something with that” which is very hastily dashed away because the only person capable of teaching the force is Aliana and Leia dislikes her, so the idea is tabled. 

So in my hypothetical Luke doesn’t die and basically goes on to start training Finn, Rey, Kara, and a handful of students pulled from both in the ranks of the resistance. it’s recognized that he himself is fallible and that he should not be seen as the be all-end all of the jedi philosophy, only someone who gets the ball rolling

Episode 9 shows that Kylo Ren assumes what he believes to be his true nature and rises to the ranks of Sith lord, submerging himself in the teachings of all kinds of sith lord holocrons. Though it’s slow, arduous, and difficult when every once in a while he’s pulled back when Rey talks to him as Ben. 

Rey and Ben’s relationship should be understood as complicated, but when I say complicated, I mean there’s a strained notion of listening to each other but taking a heaping of salt along with it. Rey does not take shit at all, she recognizes that Kylo Ren’s identity is a security blanket designed to make him look strong. through the times they see and talk to each other using the force bond she very frequently talks over him and through him, she doesn’t call him kylo ren, she doesn’t accept him as Kylo Ren.  Rey is effectively in charge when they talk. However sooner or later something cracks and Ben becomes human...kinda. Rey does not consider Ben her friend, nor does she feel put upon to try and redeem him. 

More that Rey realises Ben might not be totally in control of his actions

The events of this version of episode 9 are much more personal. more contained. it’s obvious that the first order are going to lose, but everyone is waiting to basically find out what they’ll do as their last ditch effort. 

The plan? a last ditch effort to take out corruscant, destroy the entire galactic republic by way of eliminating the entire governing body. 

How are they going to do it? The Death Star. Kinda. 

So the first order very quietly start scavenging and eventually found themselves pulling the debris and other things off the Second Death Star, They rebuild the Super Laser, it can only fire once, and there’s a 50% chance that the things will explode, cuasing unknowably large amounts of collateral damage. 

Hux has checked out mentally. Phasma is quietly planning a coup because holy shit the supreme leader is suicidal. 

And he is suicidal by the way. 

Ben Solo is possessed. By what? The ghost of Snoke. It’s a very gray area but Snoke, like any abusive parent figure wants to live vicariously through their child, and in being killed by Ben at the end of episode 8 allowed him to do so very literally. 

because lets go all the way in with how blunt this metaphor for being manipulated into hate groups can be 

The stories final battle is effectively setting over corruscant, a complete mess of an affair with the planet doing what it can to evacuate, the fully ammassed Republic and Resistance forces fighting against a first order with nothing to lose and have fully embraced their existence as a suicide cult. 

Ben Solo, and Snoke fight each other mentally, while fighting Rey and Kara. There are Knights of Ren, who are fully aware of the situation with Kylo Ren, so there’s this huge fight where our three story focuses are fighting each other, while also occasionally fighting the villains henchmen, who are also occasionally trying to beat the shit out of Ben when he wrestles control of his body. 

Kylo Ren is killed. Snokes spirit dies. Rey stabs him through the stomach, and pull it out through his side. 

Ben Solo lives. 

In the end Kara is the one who chooses to use the Force healing tactic to heal Ben Solo. citing simply that he has no reason to not live, be that turning himself over to the authorities, trying to rework himself. The simple point is he has to attone in some way, and that isn’t by dying. 

The story ends with Rey and Kara celebrating, the republic and the resistance celebrate victory. 

The end. 

I’ve been working on this for days and it feels rushed here and there and I ‘m trying to not sweat to much detail on somehting dumb like this. 

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Birds of Prey“

*in best Roman Sionis impression*  WHOOO!

Figured I might as well FINALLY watch it.  On with the show!

*silently jams to the opening logos*

This animated intro is great.

*snorts at the little animation of how an egg gets fertilized*

Why is this animated Joker a different (and actually better) character design than what we got in Suicide Squad?  Were we robbed of Letoker in full Joker suited glory?  I think we were.

“Behind every successful man is a badass broad.”  *points at screen in agreement*

I love Harley’s freaking rainbow apartment

The hyena!

This movie has the same amount of color saturation as “Pulp Fiction”

Freaking Bernie the Beaver is holding her tissues!  We stan supportive friends!

*gasp* Cass!

This guy [Roman’s driver] looks an awful lot like Jon Hamm and that is never gonna go away

“It’s not a party without a little drama!”  I love Ewan McGregor

*snorts in hilarity when Harley turns to address the audience about how much she doesn’t like Roman in front of Roman*

“Do give the Joker my [Roman] best.”  Uhhh....

*jams the crap out to “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat*

*laughs at Harley drunkenly giving relationship advice to a female bust in the club*

“Some people have the Eiffel Tower.  Or Olive Garden.”  Can we please hear the stories about Gotham’s Olive Garden?

Oh that shot [of Harley walking away from the Ace Chemicals explosion] is great

[Four Minutes Ago]  *snorts in hilarity*

So far I actually really like Rosie Perez as Montoya.

Huntress!

*Huntress kills the mob people in the flashback*  That was awesome.  And the way Montoya steps back and forth to investigate the body is great.

“Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.”  And oop.

God, seeing Ewan as Black Mask is really gonna throw me off but man this is gonna be a great performance.

*jaw drops in horror when Zsasz removes someone’s FACE*

JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT RATED “R” HUH?!?

“Is that a snot bubble?”  Shit!

OHHHHH THAT SHOT OF ROMAN WITH THE MASK ON!!!  AAAAAAHHHH!!

The SATURATION IN THIS MOVIE

Also the soundtrack and aesthetic in this movie is very... “Suicide Squad”-esque

Man that sandwich looks good

*jaw drops when Harley accidentally throws her sandwich into the road*

Also they de-saturated everything again hahaha

Oh my gosh that guy [”Happy”] is HUGE

[GRIEVANCE:  COSMETIC VANDALISM]  Yeah, that sounds about right

“Par-ley??”  *snorts*

Her [Montoya’s] shirt....

Also why is she wearing that shirt at work?

This movie is giving me huge Tarantino vibes

Why does the actor that plays Montoya’s boss looks familiar?

Oh!  He’s Rufus in “Supernatural.”  Bobby’s kinda buddy!

“Ms. Montoya, we do have a dress code.”  There we go.

They are really just going back and forth in the timeline to cover everything, aren’t they?

Harley’s using nonlethal rounds?

The action set pieces in this movie so far are awesome.

*says “Run, piggy, run!” along with Harley*

Of course Dinah is singing “This Is A Man’s World”

Also I’ve seen like a 20 second Twitter compilation of Roman saying the f-bomb and it’s glorious

“We could make our own family.”  Oh snap.

WAIT THAT’S THE GUY WHOSE FACE ZSASZ REMOVED!

Does... Roman... like Dinah?  Like... that?  Or is this manipulation?

*chuckles when drunk Harley slides up next to Dinah at the bar*

*gets very uncomfortable at a guy trying to take advantage of a drunk Harley*

C’mon Dinah...

What’s the song playing here [when Dinah’s beating up the guys in the alley]?

Uh whatcha doing in the corner there, Zsasz?

“Oh sooongbirrddd?”  Noo...

Did I just see a street sign that said “ANUS”?

So is Cass faking a broken wrist or does she actually have a broken wrist?

So far my favorite characters are Montoya and Dinah.  Not gonna lie.

*has to muffle laughter when Roman does the mmkay hand sign* 

“I mean, I like crossbows!”  *giggles*

Holy shit, Zsasz is jealous of Dinah.

“Look at his little ears, the little haircut...”  *insane giggling*

ZSASZ IS DYING IN THE BACK I LOVE THIS SONG

Dinah is clearly rethinking some life decisions while looking at that statue of Roman

*jams out to “Sway with Me” by GALAXRA*

*Cass robs Zsasz of the diamond*  WHOOP!

*winces when Roman does acupuncture*

“SHE’s a chILDDD!!”  *laughs*

ZSASZ

Ho shit that shot of Roman on top of the stairs looking down at Harley

“VOTED FOR BERNIE” HAHAHA

*Harley completely derails Roman’s villain monologue*  THIS IS AMAZING

HE [Roman] GOT A BOWL OF POPCORN

*Zsasz licks Harley’s cheek*  EEUUUGGGHHH!!

Did that goon just pull a tampon out of Harley’s pocket?

I’M SORRY CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PICTURE OF NUDE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT?

*gasps when Roman backhands Harley across the face*

OH HERE WE GO

HOLY SHIT THIS IS GREAT

ROMAN IN THE STRIPED SUIT

THE CHOREOGRAPHY

WHY WAS IT SO SHORT I LOVED IT

Where is this cover at on the official soundtrack?!?

“I’ll give you ‘til midnight.”  Hold on, hold on, what’s the timeline for this movie?

Harley’s just booking it in the background

Aaaand we’re back at the beginning!

Aaand there’s Harley!

Wait there’s about an hour left and we just now got to Harley meeting Cass?

CONFETTIIIII!!

Is she just using paint bombs on all the guards?

Harley, trying to enter the cells:  I AM PRESSING.  EVERY BUTTON.  I CAN FIND.

Why would they put Cass in the cell block with all the adults?

OH HALSEY!  COME THROUGH!

*Harley slides across the floor to knock a guy down*  OHHHH!!!

Daniel Pemberton’s orchestral score for this movie is reminding me an awful lot of “Into the Spiderverse”

Is that Katana’s sword?!?  How the hell did it get there?!?

WAIT SHE’S GONNA HUFF THE COCAINE?!?

Jesus, now THIS is Harley’s fighting style!  Holy crap!

*gasps when Harley gets kicked back and knocks off a car door off its hinges*

*jaw drops*  SHE JUST SET THAT DUDE’S BEARD ON FIRE

How does everyone seem to know where Harley is?

*Smash cut to Harley buying laxative for Dinah in the store*  Hahahahahaha!

“I do not care that you’re [Cass] a kid.”  Yeah, Harley, didn’t you uh... assist in the murder of Jason Todd in this universe?  Hmmm???

Wait so how long ago have Harley and the Joker been together?

Doc calls Harley “lotus flower”!

Those are the nuns from the school in the beginning!

She is actually... talking to the beaver

“[Joker] Sounds like a dick.”  I mean, yeah.

Also I just realized that Harley drew an actual dick in the Joker drawing’s mouth

HUNTRESS!

OH NOW WE’RE GETTING INTRODUCED TO HELENA!

*eyes widen in shock at the Bertenelli massacre*

*chuckles at the smash cut to Helena practicing in the mirror*

*Roman sees someone laughing in the club*  Oh no.

“Get on the table.”  Uh.

Oh no what is he doing?

“DANCE, ERICA!”  Ohh.  Shit.

“Take your dress off.”  *jaw drops in horror*

God, I cannot watch this.  Holy-

*has to avert eyes*

*Roman stops Dinah from leaving*  NO.

“You soothe me, little bird.”  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

OK, I can take a breather now.  Ohhhh my God...

They’re [Harley and Cass] really just having a girl’s night

BRUCE, NOOOOO!!!

“No one knew we were here except-”  DOC SOLD THEM OUT!

“This next bit ain’t very pretty.”  Oh boy.

“I [Roman] own this town.  You have my protection.”  Mmmmm... no?

Whoa this super dramatic cover of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”

OH HE’S [Zsasz] GONNA SEE THE TEXT SHE [Dinah] SENT [to Montoya]!

*Roman starts to break down*  Oh.  Shit.

OH THIS MUSIC

*Roman puts the mask on*  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OH THIS IS GREAT

Also of course Joker and Harley had a hideout in Amusement Mile

*winces when Montoya punches Harley right in the boob*

*Harley kicks Montoya out the window*  Oh she dead

*gasps*  Zsasz!

Man that sideways shot of him is terrifying!

OH FRICK NO

JESUS I DON’T LIKE THIS

So is it implied that Zsasz only kills women or what?  I thought he was an equal opportunity killer?

“That’s why he [Roman] needs me [Zsasz] to look after him.”  Dude.

...did they just kill Zsasz?

Everyone except Harley is pointing guns at each other and all I’m thinking of is that scene from “The Office”

*snorts in hilarity for Harley clapping for Helena completing her kill list*

Oh Roman just brought a whole freaking army

OHHHH HE’S GOT THE MASK

Oh this music *chef’s kiss*

Oh my God is Roman gonna find Zsasz’s body?

Oh that crane shot out of the lair and back outside?  That’s some good shit.  Cathy Yan, I see you.

“I [Helena] DON’T HAVE RAGE ISSUES!”  DINAH’S FACE!

*Helena pounces on a goon in the slide down and kills him*  Geez that’s awesome

This whole set is great

*Helena gives Cass her old toy truck*  THIS MAKES ME SAD

Yeah when did Harley have time to put on her skates?

Some dude just gets shanked then leaps back up

That fight scene just went by real quick

*gasps when Roman shoots Montoya*

*jaw drops when Dinah does the Canary Cry*

*Harley gets sideswiped by one of Roman’s goons*  Yeah no there’s like half a rib cage gone

*Harley works on overtaking one of Roman’s goons’ car*  CRAZY TOWN BEEP BEEP!

*Harley backflips onto the top of Roman’s car*  OHHHH!

Founders Pier... geez that looks great

Wait are those all Roman’s goons just lining the dock or are those just statues?

Oh they’re all statues.  That’s creepy.

“exCUUSEE me?!?”  *snorts in hilarity*

*jaw drops when Cass tucks a grenade in Roman’s coat and activates it*

*still shocked when he FREAKING EXPLODES*

I’M SORRY THEY JUST KILLED OFF BLACK MASK

*Cass finally goes to the bathroom*  Finally!

“Does she always [Montoya] talk like the cop in a bad 80s movie?”  *laughs*

Guys Helena is great

*laughs when Helena laughs at the fact that Harley stole Dinah’s car*

“They call themselves the Birds of Prey.”  Yay!  Lemme see them again!

Harley’s jacket has a bedazzled vagina on the back of it

Look at Cass with her jacket and sunglasses!

“Yeah, I made the kid my apprentice.”  Yeah, that’s not gonna last long.

[thaumaturtles]

Begin ANGELQUEST

The other day, I was doing some.......

...... studying.......

When I came across an advertisement. This isn’t at all an unusual experience; I’ve been on the internet for a decade and change and I’ve come to accept that ads are a part of the experience. This was an ad I’d seen many times before, too. I’m so accustomed to seeing it that my eyes often skip right over it. However, I’ve been reading a lot of articles about Enlightenment, lately, and I’ve been trying to put that into practice in my everyday life. I’ve been attempting, to varying degrees of success, to become more aware of myself and my environment, to probe onward into my mind’s own blind spots. In short, I’m trying to blitz my chakras. (Don’t worry, am Indian, can reclaim.)

And so, for perhaps the first time, I took a moment to truly see the ad in front of me. To stop and smell the dogshit hiding behind the roses. And, goodness, was it a sight to behold. Ladies, gentlemen, and all who fall betwixt, I present to you, THIS:

Take a moment, if necessary, to take it all in.

Have you collected yourself? Good. You’re holding up the rest of the class.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to let this pass without mental comment on more than one occasion. How did I look at this image, think “angel reading? yeah, sure, that’s a thing that exists” and then shuffle along? The only explanation I can muster is Divine intervention, which would ironically lend this product some legitimacy. I need to understand. What does Angel Reading mean? How could such a process be personalized, and, furthermore, how could it take place over the Internet? Who is this “Celeste”? What is she after? Why does she look vaguely disappointed in me? Can she see my soul? What is an “Angelic Medium”?????

Clearly, if I want answers, I’m going to have to dive in. I place my Crocodile Dundee hat on my head with no small measure of trepidation, though I must confess a moiety of excitement deep within. As I hike up my Adventurin’ Shorts and stuff a few hundred metres of rope into my backpack, I consider the long road ahead. And then, with my cosplay explorer’s outfit put on to my approval, I sit down at my computer. I’m really not sure why I felt the need to do all that when I’m just gonna be here at home.

I steel my will, and I click.

This loading screen appears, and I’d like to mention that the URL for this page is perhaps longer than any URL I’ve ever seen before in my 16 years.

Okay, let’s just take a moment to get our bearings here and-

HOLY MACKEREL, THERE’S A COUNTDOWN!

And only twenty-seven minutes left! Sakes alive, I clicked this link just in time! Imagine If I’d wasted more time farting around and dressing up like Indiana Jones!

Although, weirdly enough, whenever I refresh the page, the timer restarts, and it always restarts at 27 minutes and 50ish seconds, which is a random-enough number to seem legitimate.

Hmm. Odd.

I wonder if maybe the countdown isn’t actually real and is just there to pressure you into typing your info more quickly so you don’t notice how fishy this whole opera-

OH MY GOD ONLY 26 MINUTES!!!!!!!

OK, gotta think quickly here. Gosh, they’re asking some personal questions right off the bat, but I can’t let them know it’s me; they might recognize me from tumblr. If this sting operation’s gonna go forth I gotta lie my ass off. My name? Uh, uh.. My name is Dyl-Dy- Uhhhh, shit, okay, it’s Dylan-NO, Dylllllllll...... Delilah? Delilah. Like from the Bible. Yeah, that’s fitting, especially since I’m swindling these fools. Soon, Celeste, your hair will be mine.

They’re asking for my date of birth, which I’m hesitant to put because my 16th birthday party was kind of a big deal and Celeste might’ve heard about it, in which case she’ll know it’s me AND things will be super awkward cause I didn’t invite her to the party.

I put 4/13/1969 obviously

They’re also asking for my e-mail address, which I can’t give out because it has my full name, address, and social security number in it, so let’s just pull this ripcord real quick and parachute out of this nightmare zone, and over to a quick, free, secure e-mail client. That is, protonmail.com, which is not my usual e-mail server and will thus throw Celeste’s goons even farther off my trail

Wow, that was a surprisingly quick and painless process! I might just have to use protonmail in the future

So anyway here’s my info, sent in right under the wire, with a mere 24.3 minutes left! God that was close. Picture that classic scene in Indiana Jones where he slides under the door and then reaches back in to get his hat, only it’s an out-of-shape teen and also the door hasn’t even started closing yet.

I went with my actual country because, c’mon, there’re a lot of people in Jamaica. Statistically speaking, how likely is it they’d find me through that?

You know I didn’t. You know I fucking didn’t. Why are you asking.

Also, here’s a quick rundown of what Celeste is actually offering in case anyone was curious. It does somewhat tickle me that she claims she’ll “get to work immediately” as soon as anyone clicks the link and subscribes, as though the process isn’t completely automated. It evokes a clear image of Celeste, in full angelic garb, sitting at a computer screen and answering calls while also typing into three discrete keyboards simultaneously.

The idea that she could personally take the order of every individual who clicks this ad betrays either a complete lack of confidence in the desirability of her product, or an incredible amount of confidence in her own ability to multitask.

Who is “she”? Celeste? That doesn’t make much sense in the context here. Peter’s Guardian Angel? But earlier Celeste made it sound like all angels use he/him! Also, what does “bring her back” mean if it’s the angel? Can angels leave and later be found again? I feel like if you find your guardian angel once, that should be it forever, but apparently they can leave and you have to ensnare them again?????

Hooray! A link from an unknown source to an unknown destination! I sure can’t wait to click it all day long!

The things I do in the name of science, I swear to God Celeste.

It took a minute but here it is. Sidenote: I rather enjoy the irony of an inbox which consists of three e-mails about encryption and ways to curate a safe internet experience, and one which is an automated link from a bullshit ad for a product that doesn’t exist. There’s a subtle poetry to this image. I almost want to frame it, and then sell it for an exorbitant amount of money.

Here’s the e-mail, folx. If ever you needed proof that this was a scam, look no further.

Who on this good green earth would think beginning such a missive with, “Thank you for your trust,” would be a good way to garner MORE goodwill? When I go to my local grocer and I purchase a party-sized bag of Tostitos to eat by myself over the course of a day and a half because I’m in control of my body, goddammit, the bag doesn’t say, “Thank you for believing in us! We promise we won’t give you dysentery!

Like, what the fuck? “Thank you for your trust.” Your product should be able to stand on its own two feet and proudly proclaim, “I’m gonna give you a fucking angel reading or die trying!”

That initial line has honestly made me more scared than ever for this process. I’m confident I’m going to click that link and it’s going to auto-download a terabyte of obscure Norwegian pornography to my hard drive. I did just update my computer this morning, however, and all my data are backed up, so I feel somewhat more secure than I might otherwise.

Did I really just say “data are”? I know it’s grammatically correct and all, but it’s still jarring to hear. Messes with my mental flow. And wouldn’t the proper, descriptivist thing to do be to use “data is” to avoid confusion? Using “data are” feels clunky, is more difficult to say, and makes me look a bit snobbish. I’d delete it but that would require hitting the backspace button on my computer and I’m frankly quite lazy about that sort of thing. What was I talking about again? Oh, right. I have to click the link.

 Again with the “thank you for your trust” bullshit! Whatever, I’m going to let it pass. They’re clearly going for a friendly, approachable persona here, even if they’re doing it in the most threatening, ass-backwards way possible.

This next email took a seemingly endless eight minutes to arrive, during which time I meditated, raised a bonsai tree to adulthood, watched Marley & Me, grappled with intense feelings of loneliness, and worked on some of my homework.

Or maybe I just played games on my phone. You decide!

Okay, not quite what “hereby” means, but sure. It’s a common mistake, likely exacerbated by the presence of the word “here” within “hereby.” Sort of a “wherefore does not mean where” situation I suppose.

Anyway, I’m submitting to the mortifying ordeal of clicking the link yet again.

Christ get a load of this shit. How fitting that the Angelic stone for someone born on 4/13 would be Jade. My archangel is Megatron apparently??? His info claims he’s some sort of scribe. My major planet is Neptune, and my secondary planet is.... the sun? Is anyone going to tell Celeste what stars are or do I have to do everything myself around here? I do like that ram up in the top left though. I’m naming you Ram Elliot.

Now for the pièce de résistance. Meet Mahasiah. Mahasiah is not my guardian angel; Mahasiah is the guardian angel for anyone born between April 10th-14th. My guardian angel is Yerathel, apparently. A few things I learned while researching this: both Mahasia and Yerathel have “feminine energies” (???) and both have Fire as their associated classical element. Also, Yerathel rules over Intelligence, which is one thing I actually somewhat like about myself. This is actually kind of neat to learn about!

I mean come on. That’s pretty fuckin cool. His name means “He Who Punishes Evildoers” which is beyond epic, and his associated gem is Smoky Quartz, aka the only Steven Universe character.

You know, maybe this whole Angel Reading business isn’t a scam after all. Maybe it’s a perfectly safe process and I’ll be totally fine, what am I worrying about? At the very least, it couldn’t hurt to explore her site a bit more..... for research’s sake.

yeah baby tell me more

h-

certainly, miss celeste, anything for you

wait, aren’t I already in a relationshi-

JAZZERCISING JUNIPERS BATMAN THERE’S ONLY 28 MINUTES LEFT

holy shit! I want accurate readings!

Oh god oh no okay i’ll do whatever you want celeste please don’t leave me i need my tarots

THEY KNOW ABOUT ME ALREADY OMG

Well, okay, even in my currently addled state I can still see that “Duo-Telepathy” is complete bullshi-

OH WELL IF AMANDA GAVE THEM THREE WHOLE STARS I HAVE TO TRUST IT

Amazingly, my info was pre-filled in. Almost like this site is linked to Celeste’s in some way, or perhaps even run by the same group of scammeUPSTANDING CITIZENS IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

Ooh, another e-transmission from my good friend Celeste! Oh, how I’ve missed her! And apparently large and surprising discoveries have been made concerning me! She’s presenting me a Guide? I sure hope I’ll be able to open it, hassle-free, with no additional purchases/information required!

OHOHOHOHO

bro i’m shitting my drawers rn

I have no fucking clue what that means but you said FREE so i’m in!

oh my god there’s still so much left. just shut the fuck up and take my money you fools

AW TITS YEAH

....i think

Okay, I know the original thing said FREE and I should be “mad” or watever, but look at that bargain! that’s more than half off! It might as well be free! I’d be stupid NOT to buy it!

I’ve invented a lot of secondary information for Delilah. The phone number is merely (559) YOU-SUCK, as a subtle way of establishing the power dynamic at play here. I’m sure Celeste will appreciate it.

Hmmmmm.............. It would seem my method of “just input numbers randomly” won’t work here. Such a shame. Credit card fraud used to be so easy. I’ll have to put that on the backburner, though, because look what just appeared in my inbox!

You can see where this is going.

I’ll take my leave now, this post is getting long enough as is, but I do feel it’s important to note that doing a quick bit of research shows that Celeste & co. are famous for emotional manipulation, as well as getting people addicted to their products and forcing a sort of dependency upon them. It’s important to do your research, and remember basic internet safety tips like don’t click popups or check if a site is legit before downloading from them. It’s incredibly easy to get trapped down this sort of rabbit hole, where you wind up buying more and more of their products like you’re stockpiling for the Rapture. Not me, though, I’m obviously fine and can quit anytime I like. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try a bunch of credit card numbers until one works.

[masterserris]

FUNERAL FOR A MAGICIAN     Pt. 11 Who Will Know

Grave robbers!

There shall be hell to pay for robbing his grave; disturbing his rest and peace. The magician’s fury explodes forth now!  But how?! No one will like the answer.

Characters: Neo Mysterio (Quentin Beck), Doc Ock (Otto Octavius), Spider-Man (Peter Parker), Alexandria Beck (Alex), Maria Beck, Sandman (Flint Marko), Chameleon

THE WARNINGS APPLY TO THIS CHAPTER.

Warnings: Explicit gore and death, violence, mentions of past abuse, mental illness, physical illness, cancer

^These warnings are here for the story as a whole. If you get invested by reading a less graphic chapter, then be prepared for the warnings above in other parts!!

“If I die in this world, who will know something of me? 

I am lost, no-one knows, there’s no trace of my yearning.

But I must carry on, nothing worse can befall. 

All my fears, all my tears, tell my heart, there’s a hole. 

I wear a void, not even hope. A downward slope, is all I see.

As long as breath comes from my mouth, I may yet stand the slightest chance. 

A shaft of light is all I need to cease the darkness killing me.”

-“Who Will Know” Shin Godzilla, 2016

That dismal day of the funeral was relatively uneventful, even though the remaining members of the sinister six had attended alongside their hated enemy. The Avengers perhaps wished to apprehend them, however Otto was once more several steps ahead of them. A quick teleportation device was all that was needed to evade their would-be captors after the service was over. 

However gaudy it was, Beck had finally gotten that statue of himself he joked about having once he became famous. Was it in poor taste? Perhaps, perhaps not. Alexandria Beck paid no mind to it. All she could do at the service was stare at the ground where her brother laid six feet under, feeling only the hallow void that often lingered in their family like a curse. 

Maria Beck was quiet. She was a well mannered child; she did not really get what was going on. The last two Becks left immediately after the funeral. There was nothing in New York they could ever want or stay for. Not anymore. 

                                               -----------------------

A week has passed since he was buried. Otto was always the mistrustful type. Something to do with consistent bullying and betrayals throughout his life. That being said, was it so unheard of to keep cameras around the grave site of your recently deceased friend? For Otto, it wasn’t. 

The alarm was raised and Octavius was roused from a rather unhappy slumber. Chameleon was already up. Someone had dared to disturb Beck’s rest? There would be hell to pay indeed. Wasting no time, the pair of them left immediately to confront the grave robbers.

                                               ----------------------

It had recently rained, loosening up the soil. The group in question were known body thieves. They often targeted mutants for their DNA. 

Graverobber 1: “Hhhff... they buried this guy... really well...! The soil is packed.”

Graverobber 2: “Should we haul off the statue, too? It has bronze and gold plating. Could be worth a good amount once it’s stripped down.”

Graverobber 3: “We could, but I’d rather get the body more than anything. Do you know how much we could sell the Slayer of a Herald of Galactus for? I also heard they guy had undergone a super soldier serum prototype procedure. We could sell part of him to Hydra for sure. Maybe just his arm.”

Grave robber 2: “The armor is one of a kind. AIM wants the teleporter and quantum matter displacer for 500 million dollars.”

Graverobber 1: “Holy shit, I know you said millions but daaamn... hffff almost there.... I can see part of the coffin... I hope it won’t smell too bad...”

Graverobber 3: “Well, it’s been about a week, so I wouldn’t expect anything exactly good...”

Otto: “...You imbeciles...”

The grave robbers whirled around at the sudden voice, but before they could react, a pair of Octavius’s metal arms had constricted one of them, threatening to snap his neck. The other two pulled out their guns, ready to shoot, when Chameleon lunged out of hiding, tackling and pinning one of them to the ground, his knife against his neck.

The last robber was afraid, and in his panic, called through a radio for reinforcements as Otto swung an arm at him, knocking the fool to the ground. 

Otto was about to land a killing blow when Spider-Man leaped into action, landing a web on the robber and pulling him out of the way as the metal tentacle slammed into the ground where the body snatcher had been half a second before. The robber was far from free, however for he soon found himself wrapped up and immobilized by Spider-Man’s webs. 

Otto: “Spider-Man... We have trash that needs to be cleaned up.”

Spider-Man: “Yeah, but I’m not lettin’ you kill them either Doctopus. I’m taking them to the police.”

Chameleon: “They deserve far worse, Spider. These... this SCUM has robbed probably hundreds of graves... Imagine all the stolen bodies they have desecrated! If you turn them in, I have no doubt in my mind that their friends and clients would break them out once more to tear up more of the dead.”

Spider-Man: “Okay, Chammy, I’m gonna need you to calm down. I’m just as much against grave robbing as any other wall crawler, but creating more dead people isn’t the answer! Let him go and I’ll handle this!”

Otto: “Your track record of ‘handling things’ is mediocre at best. Turning them in will solve nothing. Only direct action will!”

With that, Otto began to crush his ensnared victim. Peter lunged at the pair, attempting to save the idiot who had incurred the wrath of the sinister six. In doing so, some of the excavation equipment fell into the grave, busting open the coffin. The smell wafting out was.... far from pleasant. This made Otto fly more into a rage, whipping his arm to slam Peter right in the chest, knocking the wind completely out of him.

The robber pinned by Chameleon took the opportunity to try and tase the super villain. Chameleon was agile enough to dodge the nearly point-blank attack, but lost his grip on his victim. The thief quickly got to his feet as three more of his friends hurried onto the scene, guns pointed at the two sinister six members and Spider-Man.

Being surrounded and having no real options, the trio stood down as the grave robbers unwebbed their friend. 

Grave robber 4: “Well. It’s not everyday that we get to cart away an extra three bodies, boys!”

Otto: “Do not assume that you can kill us so easily. You will leave here with nothing. Not even your own lives, you vermin.”

As if almost on cue, bright green mist began to slowly fog around the graveyard.

Spider-Man: “...you doin’ this, Ock?”

Otto: “..No... I’m not...”

The robbers seemed perturbed by the sudden fog, however they kept their aim straight, ready to shoot.

That was until a plume of thick green smoke roiled out of the open grave. Everyone recoiled as the sound of cracking mahogany and scrape of metal could be heard below. 

Beck lurched and pulled himself out of his own tomb, raggedly wheezing. He was covered in dirt, mud, and his own blood. His armor was still as torn open as it was on the day he died, his helmet busted open.

The sight of him made everyone’s heart stop. His face was withered and had an expression of enraged confusion. His chest gaped open, his ribs exposed to the night air as his rotting innards hung dangling from what little flesh still held them together. 

Beck staggered to his feet, barely keeping his balance as air hissed in and out of his dilapidated mouth and his torn lungs. He stared at the crowd for a moment, trying to take in his surroundings, he blinked at the sight of Otto and Chameleon, lurching slowly toward them.

Beck: “Otto...? Chameleon...? where.. szztt.. am I...?”

His mouth did not move, but his voice came out all the same. It was distorted and sounded... like it was coming from the speaker within his helmet.

Spider-Man: “Quentin..? What’s...how...? You need to stop moving, you’re coming apart!”

At Parker’s indication, Beck took a better look at himself. Stammering and stuttering at the sight of his own torn carcass. The horror on his face made it all so much worse.

Beck: “HHzztt... h-how... Otto, h-help me.. wh-what..s.. happening?”

Realization at the situation sent an abysmally cold chill down Octavius’s metal spine.

Otto: “...The neutral net,” He breathed. “The neutral net I made for you to control your robots.... It must have... copied your mind into it’s processor... Your body is being animated... by the nano machines in your blood that helped link your suit to your body and repair damaged tissues... Quentin... You... died.”

Mysterio was quiet for a minute, clearly trying to process everything.

Beck: “.....r-right.... Terrax.... I.. was stabbed... I... I’m dead... I was alright with it too... It wasn’t so bad.... I was... shzzt... peace...”

He looked back at his grave, dirt, mud, and tools spread everywhere. His statue stood resolute, with all the authority of fate itself, standing by to judge the wicked on this night.

Beck turned back towards them.

Neo Mysterio: “I was... Alright with it. I was. At. Peace.” 

He gritted his teeth, rage in his mechanical voice. With his dead eyes he glared at the tormentors who would rob him of his rest. His claws came out with an audible “shink!”

Grave robber 2: “H-hey..! S-sorry man! We.. uh. We are just t-tryin’ to make a livin’ in this world, ya know?? We didn’t mean it!! We’ll go! ‘c-cmon guys..! Let’s scram!”

Grave robber 5: “Hell no, he died once, he’ll die again, just shoot the bugger and let’s go!”

A few of them shot at Quentin, the bullets either bouncing harmlessly off of his carbonadium shell or tearing into an already festering corpse.

Beck: “YOU ROBBED ME OF THE LAST THING I HAD IN THIS WORLD! YOU ROBBED ME OF MY PEACE!!”

He marched forward, bullets pounding against him relentlessly as he continued unperturbed by the deadly barrage. Spider-Man, Chameleon, and Octavius dared not get caught in the line of fire, rather they took cover from the spray of bullets scattering across the graveyard.

Relentless, now that was a fun word. He was going to take absolute revenge here and now. Relentless was how he was going to tear them limb from limb and make them feel every bit of agony his soul felt right now.

Beck: “I WAS FINALLY HAPPY. I WAS FINALLY CONTENT WITH MYSELF. I WAS FINALLY OKAY WITH LETTING IT ALL GO. FOR SO MANY DAMN YEARS I HATED EVERYTHING I DID AND EVERYTHING I HAD BECOME. I HAD FINALLY DONE SOMETHING I AND OTHERS WERE TRULY PROUD OF. 

I PAID FOR MY SINS WITH MY DAMN LIFE AND YOU COME HERE OUT OF GREED TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME?! HOW ABOUT I TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM YOU!!!”

Spider-Man: “Beck! STOP!!”

He was a second from tearing his claws into one of their faces when he was dragged out of his atomic rage. Spider-Man yanked the robber out of Quentin’s hands and flung two web bombs at the rest of them, securely immobilizing them to the ground.

Otto: “Quentin! Enough! Enough. You don’t have to keep fighting, it’s.. it’s over.”

Beck paused for a second. The anger still boiled within him. He was a victim, it wasn’t right that he could not take matters into his own hands. It wasn’t fair! 

....Maybe Doc was right, of course. Killing these bastards was their goal, but would it solve anything? Would it make anything better? No. It really wouldn’t. It would only drive them deeper into the hate that had already consumed them.

Beck let his hands fall to his sides. Spider-Man took that has his queue to get out of there and alert the police.

                                                 -------------------------

With the arrival of the cops, the three reunited members of the sinister six had to leave. At the base, they were met with Sandman staring at them in disbelief. His friend was back from the dead! However zombie-like he appeared, Flint was a kind soul and could not stop himself from welcoming back Mysterio with a hug.

Quentin remained rather silent. He didn’t know how to take anything anymore. He felt as hollow as he physically was. He.. was dead. He was gone. He had been unwillingly dragged back into suffering. A cloud of depression clung to Beck as Otto worked on a way to reverse the bodily decay and fix Quentin. 

Fix Quentin. How can you “fix” a dead man? How can you undo such a traumatic thing as dying? It was certainly interesting once his brain was reanimated. The human brain dies in about five minutes after circulation has been cut off. Beck had been dead for over a week. 

His brain had to be completely regrown, along with most of his innards, slowly through the use of nano machines and intense stem cell cloning therapy that Otto had just delved into. The absolute cutting edge of health care. It could not actually bring back the dead, however. The copy of Beck’s brain patterns were pivotal in restoring his best friend. 

Having his mind transferred back into his body was a melting mix of sensations. All of his nerves felt on fire. He was back. His armor and body fixed, the sinister six were whole once more. 

They tried to get things back to a sense of normalcy. It had been a rough month. Overall, things were back to how they were, but Beck felt differently.

He felt... different. He did not know how to put it, and Otto could tell it was bugging him. Was he alive? He had truly died. Was he just a copy and the real Mysterio was long gone? At this point, it was schrodinger’s magician. 

                                             ----------------------------

The news had caught wind of the incident, and the Daily Bugle published a story from an anonymous tip that proved Beck was back from the grave. Photographs and video to boot, thanks to Parker.  Quentin was enraged at Spider-Man for filming and photographing his dead body in such a back handed manner. There would be consequences for this disgrace. The news of his ressurrection also sent a chill through the super villain community, and gave the sinister six a new found respect. 

Not even death could stop them. 

Not that it meant anything to Beck. He was listless. They were going to continue with Octavius’s plan like before, but his heart was not nearly as into it as before, at least at first. He owed his friend his life twice over now. He was not about to let Otto down, no matter what happened.

Beck was heartened to hear his sister’s cancer had regressed. The operation date to remove the tumor was already set.

[countlessimagines]

No Happy Endings [ Peter Parker x Reader ]

Summary: Feelings aren’t always shared.

Warnings: why is everything I write sad

MASTERLIST LINK

-

It was the day. The day you would do it. The day you would tell Peter how you really felt.

The two of you had been through thick and thin together. From both discovering your powers, Vulture, Thanos, loved ones’ deaths - every moment was shared together.

Your friendship with him was something else. Sleepovers, movie marathons, eating out at your favorite restaurants, roller blading - many fun and exciting memories.

But it was only a friendship...

Peter often gave hints that he wanted it to be something else, but you pushed it aside, thinking you were just being crazy for even considering he would like you.

But something had changed inside you. A sudden burst of confidence swarmed through you, and the next thing you knew, you were at his front door. You knocked hastily, instantly feeling the rush of adrenaline die down.

Peter had opened the door with an odd face, “Oh, (Y/N)! Hi, um, I didn’t know you’d be coming over.”

He looked flustered. His hair was a mess and his lips were a little swollen.

“I would’ve called but I needed to tell you something,” you said breathlessly, a little tired from running so far.

“Well, I have company over...”

You peered over his shoulder, and your eyes landed on Michelle, or MJ, who waved awkwardly at you from the couch.

You sank backwards, “Oh,” then it clicked. “I - I’ll just go then.”

“What did you want to tell me?” Peter asked you quickly before you could escape.

“It’s nothing,” you said, already on your way.

The doors to the elevator opened and you were in there in an instant, tears falling down your cheeks.

-

You didn’t show up to school the next day. Peter worried, texted you a few times and called. He never got a reply back.

So, he and MJ decided to go to your house. Probably not the best idea.

Peter knocked on the door, his other hand holding a bag filled with your favorite food.

Your mother answered it and smiled happily when she saw who it was.

From your window, you could see down onto the front steps. Your heart burned when you saw it was Peter and MJ. Usually it was only Peter who would come to check up on you.

Your mother had told the two that you didn’t want to see anyone because you weren’t feeling good.

So they left with even more confusion. You had healing properties along with your other powers.

-

Later on that night, Peter suited up in his spidey outfit and swung to your window. He knocked three times, stopped, then knocked again. The secret knock you two came up with for emergencies.

The curtains opened slowly, and Peter took in your appearance.

Your hair as messy, eyes bloodshot and puffy, and pjs.

He smiled sadly as you lifted the window open, “Yes, Peter?”

“I wanted to check up on you.”

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, then sat down on your unmade bed. “Anything else?”

He slowly made his way in, “What did you want to tell me the other night?” He stood before you after he took off his mask.

“It’s not that important.”

“Obviously it is.”

You sighed, frustrated, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.”

“That’s the problem, Peter!” You said, a violent hand running through your hair. “I don’t want to be just friends.”

“What?” He said, beyond shocked by your sudden proclamation.

“I’ve liked you for so long... Hell, I’ve loved you for so long.”

Peter let out a shaky breath, “Now you tell me!”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve liked you back for so long... But you kept pushing me away! I thought you only saw me as your friend, so I moved on.”

You stared at him in shock, not knowing what to say.

He angrily looked towards the ground, “We shared that one kiss...”

“Peter,” you said, your face burning, “we both thought we were going to die. It was a spur of the moment. Thanos killed us. And when we were in the soul world... We just sort of broke off with whatever we had.”

“We were all trying to get out of the place,” Peter spoke quietly, which usually meant he was upset.

“I know, but after it all, we pretended like the kiss never happened. So, I thought it was just because you thought we would never get the chance again.”

He didn’t say a word, just held his mask in his hands shakily.

A minute passed before he suddenly came forward and grabbed your cheeks, smashing his lips to yours.

It was harsh, but also loving at the same time. But it didn’t feel right.

You pushed him away, “Peter, no. You’re obviously with MJ.”

His face twisted into unknown emotions, “But - I can break it off with her.”

“That’s not right, Peter. If I was in her place, I would be pissed,” You said and your heart thumped violently.

“(Y/N), we’ve had a connection for so long, though,” Peter said, placing his hands on your cheeks once more. “We’ve been through so much.”

“Maybe that’s why we shouldn’t be together.”

“What? Didn’t you just want to be with me? To confess your love?”

“Yes, I know but... We’ve had so much history it might affect us. And what good would it be if it gets out that Spider-Man and Lady FireMaker are dating? Because we would be screwed if one of us gets captured.”

“We can make the risk, though.”

“We already make enough risks as is with being Avengers. From our families, friends, personal lives,” You shook your head and moved his hands away from your face.

Both of your phones buzzed, so you grabbed for yours on the bed while Peter put his mask back on. The two of you had become very on task with alerts, that way danger could be easily stomped out.

“It’s Stephen, he says there’s trouble not far from here,” you explained while Peter began to look at the news through videos and photos.

“Men with high tech equipment are raining hell on the park,” He responded then made the reports go away so he could look at you properly. “We can talk about this whole dating thing afterwards. Maybe there’ll be a happy ending to this.”

“Peter, no - we genuinely can’t. I was an idiot for thinking we could. I didn’t contemplate the outcomes where it could be dangerous,” You spoke to him as you put your bracelets on, necklace, then shoes. You pressed a button on the right bracelet which activated the rest of the suit. Tony had built it for you before he died to help you control your fire powers.

The red and black suit soon fit around your body just the way you liked, and you hurried to put your mask on, “Let’s go, Spider-Man.”

-

It was a rough fight.

The men who had the weapons obviously knew how to use them to their full extent and destroyed a lot of property.

Peter was currently trying to shoot web grenades at them then taser webs, but kept coming out unsuccessful.

You, on the other hand, fought fire with fire as one kept trying to overpower you.

Through the com, Peter yelled, “Hey! Make them shoot and look up so I can hit them from below.”

You couldn’t decide the best way to do that exactly, so you pushed off the ground, the fire lifted you momentarily, the guns and eyes following. Peter then was able to do his plan of attack. However, as you descended downwards, you didn’t realize that one still was able to shoot one last time.

The powerful shot knocked you down instantly, and Peter watched in slow motion as you slammed onto the ground.

He ran towards you with full force, bringing you into his arms, “(Y/N)?”

You weren’t breathing.

Peter’s breathing was going crazy - he couldn’t catch his breath.

“No, no, this isn’t right,” he whispered, but the blow to your stomach left a nasty wound and your head was bleeding terribly. “(Y/N)? Please answer me.”

He had hope, but it was slowly dying as the seconds passed, “You’re okay, right?”

Peter held you tighter.

“No, please don’t leave me,” he whispered and rocked himself and you back and forth. “I still had so much to tell you, (Y/N).”

He heard something in front of him. It was was Stephen walking out of a portal. He stopped and took in the scene in front of him, “Peter? What happened?”

“She... she got knocked down... Holy shit, how could I? She fell and I didn’t catch her. This is my fault... She hit her head and now...”

Peter was stumbling over his words now, and Stephen was quick to be by his side, “Peter, breath.”

“I can’t,” Peter strained and lowered his head. “This is all my fault.”

And he knew, in this moment, there were no happy endings.

[deanmiles13]

BLUE CHEER (JUST A LITTLE BIT)

My time working with Blue Cheer.

“Bridging the Digital Divide”                                                                            That’s what I’ve heard it called and much like Evel Knievel, I love to try and bridge that divide. If we have the technology to “Reach out and touch someone” like AT&T said, then we surely must honor the convenience and follow through with furthering a connection, if it calls for it. 

Old friends, fellow collectors of Rock and/or Wrestling Icons.They’re all out there to be tapped. Its happened for me....many times! 

Here is one such instance where I got off my butt and let my fingers do the walking.

It all began with that show we all know and love, Antiques Roadshow.

The segment had a poster collector, so that had my ear as I continued to read in bed. I love paper and posters and books. Always have since I was a kid and started “collecting” KISS posters. Then my mother threw these all out one winter and I’ve never been the same. I hold onto everything. NEATLY…

But I digress….

A fellow was going through some posters he had on this particular segment and he had some San Francisco Psychedelic posters. That was interesting, BUT the one that caught my ear/eye was a Blue Cheer poster from Tastee-Freez. I was blown away. 

THE POSTER THAT STARTED THE WHOLE GYPSY BALL ROLLING....

First of all I LOVE BLUE CHEER and the juxtaposition of BC and Ice Cream was too much. I had to have it. I ran to my Mac G3 and dialed up that modem as fast as it would dial. Early daze… Then I proceeded to Google BC and see what they were up to these days. We all watched that killer Closet Classic on MTV of Summer Time Blues and that is where I fell in love with them.

I sought out the records later in life, but here I was in the 2000’s? and where were they? I found a website and it had a contact for North American management for the band. I just threw out a quick email stating that I was a fan, owned a T-shirt printing company and was more than willing to help out if the EVER needed it.

The NEXT morning, I had an email from Rosalyn, the woman handling them here in the States. See, BC had relocated to Koln Germany and were doing just fine over there and in Japan. They never really stopped. She was so excited that I had reached out. She said the band loves it when their 1%’ers (BC fans) reach out to them, and especially if they offer help. I immediately got together with a friend I had at the White Eagle named Thomas. He was a super chill guy and struggling artist. He had a knack for retro 60’s looking stuff and he was up to the task.

He cranked out a 1% design and a logo and some other stuff. We printed up a variety of sample t-shirts and started the process of sending them to the band via Rosalyn in L.A. 

This part got to be a bit tedious so she eventually just gave me Dickie Petersons’ mailing address in Koln. We had a procedure for getting them to him and for getting his feedback (pun intended). In all the back and forth with Rosalyn, she mentioned that “I’m just gonna have to have Dickie give you a call some time! Don’t forget to ask him about the 3 legged dog and the boat!”

I was pretty sure that she was just building me up and stringing me along…

...but she sent me an 8x10 of Dickie and a letter out of the blue. 

She also warned me to ignore ex-guitarist Randy Holden. Dickie was and is BC, and no one else represents them. Got it!

THEN, one day at work, I had a call on my old flip phone and the number was a dazzling display of digits. I was like “Who and what the hell could this be?!?!” I answered it and the voice on the other line asked “Dean Miles?” 

Uh… yeah! “This is Dickie Peterson of Blue Cheer!”

Holy crap, it was him and I could tell just from his voice. I was stunned but played it cool as a cucumber. Man, if I told you we talked for over an hour and a half, you probably wouldn’t believe me. But we got on like a house on fire. He was so casual and just comfortable with me, that I just kinda did an interview. Of course, I had all sorts of questions outside of the t-shirt we were working on. I don’t really recall the story of the dog and the boat, but he did bring it up without my asking. 

I feel okay talking about some of these things because he has passed and so has pretty much anyone he was talking about. He mentioned his addiction issues and how he regretted letting that waste a bunch of his time and money. He said Janis Joplin turned him onto the junk. They were all at practice and she wanted some alone time with her boyfriend Paul (BC drummer). The band had work to do so Dickie objected. She said “Shut up Dickie, and just try this.” He said that was the beginning of the end. 

I’m not trying to dish dirt, or re write Rock & Roll history with any of this. Just to share my story. That’s all.

I asked him if he liked “Stoner Rock” and he replied that he was more of a blues guy. Which is totally true. I let him know that tons of bands out there worshipped at the Marshall altar of Blue Cheer. He seemed to like that.

I just have bits of stuff that I remember because it flowed so effortlessly. He was a real cool cat. I picked up the phone at the shop and talked for a bit, closed up, drove home (talking still), got home, walked in and mouthed to Darcy 

“IM ON THE PHONE WITH DICKIE PETERSON!!! and we continued to talk. 

By the end of our talk, he offered to put us up in Koln at their rehearsal spot. He gave me his phone number and address. I mean, Damn!!! Old School!!!

One of the coolest things I wanted to impart on you from our phone call was the 1%er thing. I asked him about that and the “Biker” connection, and he proceeded to tell me this story…

“You know, we were playing a gig way back in the day and it was a biker rally. Shit broke out and so did the guns. We dove under our truck that we brought all the gear in. Man, when the dust settled and we got back out from under there, we had holes and shit shot in our brand new amps. I was pissed and started to stomp around asking who was in charge here. Well, the biggest, baddest looking cat steps forward. I stood my ground and politely explained we had just bought the amps and we can’t work if we don’t have gear. He looks at me and says ‘How much do think they cost to replace?’ I gave him a figure and without hesitation he starts peeling hundreds off a money roll from his pocket. He says ‘Is that fair?’ I said ‘more than fair’. He just went back to hashing it out with the other club president that they had just gotten into it with. We loaded up and got the hell outta there. Let me tell you one thing though, a lot of people call those dudes outlaws and whatnot, but I’ll tell you the only people who stole from me were in 3-piece suits. Those outlaws were righteous when I needed them. The only OUTLAWS I know wear 3 piece suits.”

WORD!!!

Another cool thing that happened with this was I shop at a local record store called Vinyl Resting Place. Toby, the owner, has a bulletin board up and at the top is an OLD Blue Cheer picture of them playing outside to like 20 people behind some apartments. I would always just stare at this picture and wonder about the scene that day.

Well, the whole t-shirt thing was happening so I explained it to Toby and asked if I could borrow the picture for an hour. I wanted to go home, scan it and share it with the band. He had no problem with this. I sent it to Dickie and he couldn’t recall anything. He just remarked at the hair cuts and busted sticks on the ground. I was hoping they would get a kick out of it and circulate it on the site or something. No dice….

Fast forward to 2007 and BC is touring the States. I immediately start in on the promoter here in Portland and Rosalyn for a back up. My band at the time (Legend of Dutch Savage) has GOT to play this one. We actually secured an opening slot and couldn’t have been happier.

The ads hit the paper and our name is there. It’s really happening. I can thank Dickie for the call and meet him in person. Maybe even secure the t-shirt for the tour?!?!

I knew I shouldn’t expect too much….

The shirt thing was a no-go because they already had that in the works. Rosalyn was in L.A. and could get them done dirt cheap. 

Okay, cool… We still got the gig.

NOPE…. some friends had just started a band named Red Fang and they were invited to play the show. At first we all were on the show, but somewhere along the line Dutch Savage got bumped from the bill. Probably so it was just 2 openers. 

Hell of a bill…

Meanwhile, I was crushed. I have opened for tons of great bands but that’s about the only success I’ve enjoyed in my 35+ years as a working musician. Records, tours and the usual bull that a band goes through is all well & good, but when you get a slot playing on the same stage on the same night as your musical heroes, it just makes it all worth it.

I’ve played shows with Roky Erickson, Hawkwind, Dead Moon, Steel Pole Bath Tub, White Stripes and on & on.

  I was bummed beyond belief and just refused to deal with the whole night. I didn’t go to the show, didn’t go meet Dickie and didn’t drag my drums out on stage. I just sat home and moped. The scene was moving on, and no matter how tight we had it nailed for that show, we still got the shaft. No biggie. Dusted myself off and kept moving. Aint no cure…

I don’t really have many regrets in life but not going down to Dante’s that night is one of them.

I should have gotten over my self-entitled ego and just went down there. I will never forgive myself for blowing off the opportunity to meet the guy who took time to call ME to chat and just be a cool dude. I’m sorry Dickie!!! I know you had to leave this earth not too long after this gig, but the music lives on my brother. Always has/Always will. 

Like a true bluesman.

FROM WIKIPEDIA: 

On October 12, 2009, Peterson died in Germany after the development and spread of prostate cancer. After Peterson's death, longtime Blue Cheer guitarist Andrew MacDonald wrote on the group's website that "Blue Cheer is done. Out of respect for Dickie, Blue Cheer (will) never become a viable touring band again.". Under ten years later, in January 2019, drummer Paul Whaley died of heart failure.

[sun-descending]

One after another...

@flaxinmalache @intoxication-wra

Jhulen had apparently moved into Flaxin's quarters for the time being, and at the moment he had made himself comfortable in a chair near the windows, a pipe in one hand and a sheaf of reports in the other, reading glasses balanced on his nose as he frowned over what scant details they had on the attacks on their operations.

Hopefully he didn't mind some interruption to his task, because it was about then that there was a sound in the outer chambers. The sound of the door sliding and of Flaxin's coat missing its mark yet again. He hadn't the time for that, however. The mage held, in his hand, a small arcane orb not unlike his own crystalline reports but clearly not his own. He held it within a fist of silk that shimmered with protective qualities, keeping it aloft as he went for the desk, pushing things aside to pull over a setting to place it in. "I would like for you to look at this with me." He hates to tell the priest this, but he must or he'll know soon enough. "I've become quite adept at making messes...I haven't viewed it yet but I suspect it has to do with our recently departed." Not the crew in the harbor. He wouldn't look so dour and dire if it were that.

Well. Unless something new had come to light in his examinations.

The priest glanced up a split second before Flaxin actually appeared, alerted to his arrival more by the ripple of unfamiliar magics than any actual sound from the mage. He blinked, watching the orb more than its holder until the younger elf actually spoke to him, and then blinked again. "...Light's tits, we're still not free of that?" The comment didn't seem to be aimed at anyone in particular as the priest pulled off his glasses and set them on the table, along with the papers. The pipe stayed in his hand, though, as he moved to join Flaxin at the desk. "I assume this has something to do with the noise upstairs just now?"

With his eye rolling upwards, the mage nods, lifting a hand to hesitantly rest upon the mystical cache. "Yes. The Magister seems to have surfaced again, insinuating that we should clean whatever this is for him." He scrunches his nose, "But it also seemed to have shaken him...It's worth a look I would say." He breathes in slowly with his eye upon its swirling depths as his ears flick just a bit. "Perhaps it's nothing."

Nothing doesn't sling itself halfway around the world for special delivery. Jhulen pulled a comforting arm around Flaxin's waist. "We're never that lucky," he drawled with a sigh as he eyed the orb. "...Alright, fire this thing up, then. We may as well get this over with."

At this point, Flax wasn't even sure luck was a thing that existed. Shit just zeroed in on them naturally and went right for the soft spots. Ah, such was the life. He manages a crooked, Malache smirk that was as dry as the sea was wet and steeled himself with a soft chuckle to match. "Right." The mage breathed out through his nose once more slowly and closed his eye to draw forth whatever unknown they dared to look upon now. The flare of the crystal came with ease and, once awakened to his touch, was quick to provide as well. Whether they liked it or not.

The priest's expression grew blacker and blacker the more the horrid vision played out for them, his grip on the bowl of his pipe tightening until his knuckles were white and the wood seemed like it must crack under the pressure. Sparks and shocks of holy energy crackled along his skin and created tiny lightning bolt-shaped cracks along the floor under his feet, as his magic threatened to explode in a dazzling display of fury.

"Rakarth..." The name was a low, vicious hiss, and that was all it took to know its owner was a dead man.

Well. Technically Rakarth very much was dead, but that wasn't the problem Flaxin was seeing here. That would probably be made more apparent in later moments, however. The scene they had just witnessed wasn't properly described as heinous and it sickened even this unrepentant soul. He'd come away from the sight in a backwards stumble, the weight of it all hitting him at once. To be honest, he hadn't yet had time to form any real opinion of it with his thoughts racing his pulse, his hands trembling, and his face. He slowly took the heat of the fever right before Jhulen's eyes as he turned away to try and pour himself a drink, but he went nowhere, planted to the spot and lost in his own quarters for just a moment's haze. He hadn't looked horrified, he'd just looked so very, very overwhelmed.

The scene began to replay itself, having received no input from its watchers, and Jhulen was quick to swipe his hand over it, ending the images before he just snatched the wretched thing up and hurled it at a wall. "...Isn't that death knight Xin's man?" he asked in that same low, dangerous voice; Shaihel hovered just beneath the surface. But Jhulen refused to give in to him or his own rage, instead staring at the arcane orb until he managed to center himself again, using his fury as an anchor point and hardening it to ice, rather than letting it burn out of control. One of them had to maintain. "Something caught him off guard. Did you see that?"

He turned to look at Flaxin, only to see him paralyzed, and swore quietly. "Flaxin. Flax! I need you here, love." Turning away from the orb, the priest moved to the liquor cabinet and poured a generous portion of something stiff, expensive, and potent into a tumbler that was then shoved in Flaxin's hand. "Drink," he ordered.

The mage heard him, because Jhulen could see his ear twitch to the sound of his voice but his moving lips made no sound and his eye didn't even blink. Not for a good while. He might've been holding his breath, but he doesn't look like he could have cared to notice either way. Oh...I see. I see. If anything was running through his head at all, it was lost to fog. He took the drink as if he hadn't even seen it. His whole body felt like it was both numbed and alight with electricity and his knees, well he shouldn't have tried to walk perhaps because his knee bends and he just goes right down with his head spinning. The glass slips free of his finger's of course and he blinks, struggling to focus as the air around him seems to just rush into his ears.

Reaching without thinking, Jhulen snatching the glass from the air with only a few drops lost, and even he would have been impressed with himself if he had been paying attention. The tumbler slid onto the side table as in one smooth motion the priest deposited it and grabbed Flaxin instead, supporting the smaller elf so he didn't end up on the floor. "Woah now-- Easy, starlight. Breathe. Look at me-- no, look at me." One hand gently fisted in the hair on the back of the mage's head so he would be forced to meet Jhulen's eyes. A song -- Flaxin's song -- wove through the air between them and into the mage's psyche, felt but not heard, trying to calm his nerves and chase off the fog.

Somehow, in all of this, Flax managed to catch hold of the man holding him up, though his legs felt like steamed asparagus and they functioned about as well for the purpose of holding him. He was there still, struggling with himself and the effort to remain conscious and aware, gaze not quite on point as he tried to dumbly follow the words' demands. They sounded so soft and...Funny, though. Like yelling down a tube. He mumbled something back but it was lost in the shuffle and the slur. The song would help, of course, but Jhulen was going to have to get him to a seat and give him some time.

Yes, this is bad news. It may or may not be a problem. Eventually he'll slow to his senses and realize that. Right now is not looking, to the priest, to be that time however. One can hope.

Immediately Jhulen began to compartmentalize. He they could deal with this new crisis-- Light's tits could they just stop coming for five fucking minutes?-- later, and so his emotions relative to it were shut away. He gathered Flaxin up in his arms bridal style and carried him over to the bed, where the priest could sit with the mage in his lap, holding and supporting him in the same motion while the latter worked through this. He continued to sing as long as was needed to bring the mage back around, letting that be the only sound in the room beyond the creak of wood and the wind.

[dememarquette]

Ashwater Visit

"I have never once in my life heard of toll booths on inter-planar travel being a thing."

Believe me- I would be the first to know. It just sounds like an innovation of forth. The guy running it shrugged his shoulders, his club-like fingers guarding the button that'd permit me through. A formality, I'm positive. The thick, cracked magicked wall didn't exactly have a drawbridge he'd be the gatekeeper of. We existed in a dark expanse, outside of the imagination as much as the underside of a map. "'ey, that's how it goes. This place is a hot spot." He said, bored. "What do you expect?" I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. This moment had been fruition for months. One that had brought me to the ends of the earth, down below, and back again. Dead end after dead end, false lead after false lead. But finally- FINALLY- I had finally caught onto a fleeting hint of Adria's wherabouts and raced to the appropriate address, only to be re-routed to this guy like a call made in the 80's. He went on. "Nice suburbs, good neighborhood, diverse people- you ain' close to being the only one trying to get through right now." "Yeah yeah yeah, I read the brochure." His comment made me vaguely aware of other people in the mystical plane we both occupied, but obviously they were behind me in line. "But why is it hot right now? It's- it's not Limbo is it?" Recent events would make it probable. But no. He looks at me like I'm stupid. Then- lost, with a smidgen of pity wedged in there for sarcastic effect. "Where have you been?" "Busy." I snap, short. "You know what, I don't care where it is- just let me pay." (If Adria saw the receipt, I'd never live it down.) - - - Ashwater 4 PM, Tuesday They both flinched when her transponder beeped. Business calls. He folded his hand. 'Damn.' He had a good draw, too. Although they were just playing for lunch- he was looking forward to it. Recently, this is how they lived. It was a process of sitting around, killing time while waiting for an inevitable call that something weird was going on, coupled with orders to investigate. Around the third or forth month of this, the priest decided to cut time by sticking close. It got him to the scene ASAP, and he was prepped to deal with the bizarre antics that'd become their evening before the cameras were rolling. (Although he wouldn't admit it out loud- the extra benefit of running into chaos with the cops instead was that they were a lot more enjoyable than his personal film crew anyways.) Both listened up close as the pager crackled to life: "Reports of smoke near Ashwater Elementary. Suspected arson. Repeat: Ashwater Elementary, suspected arson." "A fire?" Demetrius gaped, light brightening his eyes like Christmas morning. "Just a fire?" Okay so a fire outside the schoolhouse was kind of bad. Children-on-fire bad. Possibly dangerous- who knows, but with how batshit things have been lately, it was so refreshing to hear of a normal case of arson. Just imagine it- vandalism, car theft, or public disturbance! He could cry! "Don't sound too excited," Adria said, buckling in her pistol. "You never know what it could actually be." He spun around to launch himself out of the chair he had long since claimed in their office. Interest in the cards was abandoned when Adria set down her royal family. "LALALA- I didn't hear that~" This was his free pass to go do whatever the Hell he wanted. A day off while the cops are taking care of NORMAL emergencies. Julia couldn't say anything! "You'll have to tell me about it later. Have fun, officer!" She grunted from the back of her throat. - - - I stepped out. Flames from my entrance lit on the decrepit, decayed grey wood with an ease that suggested even the termites started to look for better options. This entire building was a dump. Boarded windows, busted glass, and a wallpaper I could swear I've seen in those hotels you rent by the hour. ...Which makes sense, considering the amount of beds in here for no apparent purpose. SHIT. They're about to catch too- no! I try to stomp out the flames before it gets that far. One quick round of Dance Dance Revolution, and they're pretty fizzled but the black smog is everywhere. I'd open a window but none of them seem to be in order. Even the door is boarded up from the outside. An outdated precaution- I barely had to ram into it before the wood splintered into pieces. I stumbled out of the shack, hacking the ash out of my lungs. Cutesy neighborhood, he said. 'WHERE?!' I'm in the middle of the goddamn woods! Several other warehouses surround me, but they look like they're suffering the same fate. Locked up, vandalized, and abandoned. I can't help but to notice the atrocious grammar on the Latin graffiti- a sin in of itself. All enclosed by a fence that I began to follow. It was the best lead I had, anyways. The further along I went, the more transversed the path began to appear. Then- there, through the trees. The first signs of recent civilization. It happens to be a huge, American flag waving in the air. I stop in my tracks, completely deadpan. She's been hiding in the states? UGH. Don't tell me I had to pay a fucking toll when I could have taken Uber! "FREEZE!" My nerves jolt. Stunned- familiar as ever, as if it was my conscious itself barking at me. I pivot around on my heel, graced with a face that's only been popping up in unforgiving Facebook Memories. Adria. Alive as ever. The outfit is 'interesting,' but excusable as I hadn't been able to take her shopping in awhile for reasons her tombstone could elaborate on. My heart flushed, energized. I can't fucking believe it- after all this time. "A-Adria..?!" I was sort of expecting a cliche. Her to run into my arms, or us to embrace. She'd be crying like the huge sap she is, and I'd be rolling my eyes. She'd apologize for being a professional Waldo, and I'd make a sarcastic quip about not being able to get rid of me. I take another step towards her to initiate this detailed scenario that had been brewing in my head for months and she draws a gun like it was second nature. I skid to a halt. THAT was new. "Whoa now..." I raise my hands. "Since when do you pack heat?" "How do you know my name?!" "What-?" I sputter. "What do you mean 'how do I know your name..?! You haven't been gone for THAT long." I let the Hellish color, and appropriate appendages drain from my skin. She takes a step back, somehow looking more horrified by my fleshy appearance than my demon one. Judging from her age, I know reincarnation was out the window. Heaven mind-wipe was my second guess, but that too is disqualified when I notice the recognition sparks in her eyes. ...And when she cocks the pistol. "I'm prepared for this, buddy!" She said. "Salt rounds, and holy water! Don't assume just because you're wearing his face I won't shoot! It might be incentive!" I twitch in disbelief. That threat- I can't decide whether I whether I want to cry or laugh. I'm going to go with both. HAA. "Did- did they seriously demote you from power to mall-cop?!" "I'm not a mall-cop!" She says, switching out the shells for the appropriate ones. "Where did you come from? Did Abbadon send you?" I blinked, caught offguard. A whole new wave of offense washes over me. I show up in person and the first person she asks me about is another demon?! Wh- "Abbadon? Like- Luci's VP? Why does he matter- hey, I thought you'd be happy to see ME. Like I didn't just spend months jumping through investigations and hoops, and magical bullshit looking for you!" "Yeah, I'm real charmed. HANDS UP." I shook my head, mind swimming. This- this was interesting. I don't quite understand what's going on, but the comfort of her just being here was enough. If but temporarily. If there's anything I know about Adria, it's that she'll stick to her guns. If I don't want a headache, I should play along. "Yup. You got me." I sigh, whimsically offering out my hands. "You better have a cutesy cruiser car too or I'll be very disappointed." "I'll be sure to give you a tour." She shoves me toward it, not letting her gun lose aim of me once. I'm unfazed. "Tell me one thing- it doesn't have one of those tacky guardian angel car charms, does it?" "No." She lies. I quirk a brow. "My mom gave it to me! Ugh, just get in!" - - - I'm escorted into the station on my best behavior. There's another man in the room- a sheriff, my guess- who looks equal parts amused and skeptical by her special guest. "You're arresting Demetrius?" "This isn't Demetrius. He's just using his face like some kind of freak." She corrects, politely. "But he knows something." "Don't I always?" I grin. This Dave guy looks between the two of us, then back at her in an 'Are you sure?' sort of manner. See- even he knows what's up. Adria huffs, no time for sass. I smile fondly- I missed that face on her. "I should get the real Demetrius down here. Started the fire for sure- he looked like a certified demon when I saw him. Horns and all." Annnd there it went. 'Real Demetrius'? I winced, confused but slowly catching onto my current predicament. It was easy enough to put two and two together. "I wouldn't do that." I sighed, plainatively. "I'll talk. Anything you want to know. How about that?" Her eyes narrowed- though clearly listening. "But! You have to answer some questions for me! Deal?" I offered my hand through the bars, fingers waggling. "What do you want? Abby's autograph?" "Where did you come from?" She cut to the chase. "Uh- France. You were-...uh." There? "Yeah France." "A French demon?" She asks, speculatively as she marked it as some sort of note. Weird- but okay. "Sure, we'll go with that. My turn. How do we know eachother?" "We don't." I roll my eyes. "How do you know 'Demetrius'?" "Everyone here knows him. Television Evangelist turning Ashwater into reality TV. You couldn't have picked a worse disguise." I slow-blink. What a fantastic idea. "Why are you in Ashwater?" "Uh- to find you. Didn't I make that obvious?" "No." She paces closer. "I mean why are you here? Why are all of you coming here?" "It's a hot spot-" "I know that-" She interrupts, rude. "But why?" "Someone is overcharging their questions." I say, sing-song. "But it beats me. This place is too podunk, but it ended up on our radar somehow- HEY my turn." "Fine." "How long have you been here?" "Why do you want to know that?" She crosses her arms, defensive. "Ah ah ah- more questions, not part of our game. How long?" She sighs. "In Ashwater?" "If that's where we are. Yeah." "Since I was born." She says. I urged her to go on. Numbers. She cracks; "Twenty eight years, okay?" The edge of my lip twitched into a small frown. Twenty-eight years? Significantly short of eight hundred or so. This isn't the same world after all. The revelation turns my mood more somber. I'm not one for environmental awareness either, but the last thing I'd want to do is fuck us up in a different universe as well. Wherever this is- wherever we are right now- we're clearly together. I comb my hair back as I figure out how this changes things. Her brows arch too, as though she is arguing with herself. I know that face- she wants to say something. It's just hard to imagine what. "Why do you look like Demetrius?" I don't think that was it, but it's as far as we'll go. I rested against the bars, warm smile still on my face. "Can we avoid that one, please? I've only got one more for you, anyways." It's a long-shot, but worth a try regardless. "If you weren't here, where would you be? If you could be anywhere, that is." She tenses like a wall suddenly slammed down. "I don't know." "You don't know-?" "I like it here. Why would I go anywhere else?" I can smell Adria in denial from a mile away. Even her chief, partner, or whatever looked up from his desk with mild concern. I feel as if I'm overstaying my welcome. "Right. Alright- thanks. That's good enough for me, I guess. But do you mind if I leave you with some food for thought?" If she had an objection, she didn't voice it. "What?" "I'm going to get straight to it. I don't know how different things are here. Frankly- I like my world too much to care, but I want you to know something. You- you or some version of you- is the best thing to happen to me. And I say that selfishly. Very selfishly- you...you gave a shit about me. It's something that never made any sense to me, that you didn't have to do, but you still did. Even if I was more trouble than I was worth. And clearly-...it was enough to make me a better person. I just wish you were less of a pain in the ass to find, and if you pull this same stunt here, I can tell you I won't be happy." "Excuse me?" "Don't worry about it." I wave it off. "You don't know. And if we're lucky, you'll never have to know either. But when it all boils down to it- you did your job. Way back when, and then again before you left. I understand that's how it had to be, but I can't express how much I wish you hadn't. How I wish-..." I shrug. It'd be just like me to damn the world to have her back. 'Priorities,' my Adria would say. This one stared at me clueless. That's okay. To top it all off, I thought I might throw this in, because it's been seriously weirding me out- "Also- he prefers to be called Deme." Poof. And I was gone. Exit could have been flashier but I'm impatient to get back to the drawing board. If I was disappointed, it was only in theory. That brief visit, however bizarre, was just the sort of morale boost that I didn't know I needed. I'm getting close, Adria. You better be ready.

[isabellwhittell-blog]

amateur girls with hairy pussies - What You Can Do About Atkingdom/hairy.

She was already topless from our escapade in my car earlier and looked extremely seductive wearing nothing but her tight black pants. Each part is written to be able to stand alone, but this is Part Three: I took Jess by the hand and led her into the bathroom that adjoined my bedroom. Link to part one, link to part two. Sliding the glass door to the shower open, I reached in and turned it on. Thus far I had given her breasts plenty of attention, but I had not done the same for her rear end. She had a round, extremely firm ass, and I felt like I needed to see more of it. I unbuttoned the front of her pants, then slid my hands to her hips and slowly spun her around to face away from me. I then grabbed some fresh towels from under the cabinet before returning my attention to my guest. Immediately her rear came into full exposed view and my hands instantly gravitated to it. When they were fully exposed I threw her pants down the rest of the way to the ground, then ran my hands back up the sides of her legs to her panties. I hooked two fingers of each hand underneath and pulled down quickly. My cock twitched, awoken by the sudden nakedness in front of me. I felt like it was time to amend that. "Oooh," she whispered. I squeezed, softly at first. With the cascade of water from the shower running in the background, I dropped down to a crouch in front of her. I let go, then rubbed my hands new hairy pics in circles and returned to my feet. Jess stopped atk hairy shots me when I went to remove my boxers and removed them herself. As she did so, her breasts pushed up against my chest, and my dick fully came to life. The water was fantastic and I quickly ducked my head beneath the stream, tilting my head back closing my eyes momentarily. I threw my shirt over my head and my pants quickly followed, joining my shirt in a heap on the floor next to us. She poured some into her hands and rubbed the soap into her shoulders and chest. "I see he’s back to play now," she said as she took it in her right hand. I took a small step forward attempting to close the gap between us. Because my cock was now fully erect this presented a bit of an issue, but I just angled it down slightly and it came to rest between her thighs. She was now completely naked and I was completely clothed, something wasn’t right here. Pulling down on the belt loops on either side, I exposed her pink panties underneath little by little. " "Please do," she said, handing me the soap. I poured a moderate amount into my own hand and rubbed my hands together distributing it evenly. There was now complete contact between us: the fronts of my thighs were touching the backs of hers, my stomach and chest were flat against her back, and my lips found their way to her ear. She turned towards the shower and stepped in; with my cock still in her hand she pulled me towards her. When I reopened them Jess was facing away from me and had picked up the soap bottle. "Don’t stop that," she said quietly. She didn’t have to tell me twice. I kept rubbing in smaller and smaller circles until I was rubbing just her nipples, at which point I squeezed and rolled them between my thumb and forefinger. I started at her neck, then worked my way down to her shoulders, finally ending up at her chest and breasts. It still astounded me how round and full her tits were. This girl was beautiful, but they were her best feature by far. I was enjoying myself quite a bit, and I am sure could tell due to the evidence of my hard twitching cock between her thighs. They were larger than my hands, so to cover them in soap I rubbed in circles around them. Due to the water of the shower, both my cock and her legs were slick so I was sliding between them creating wonderful feelings. My cock twitched up slightly and the head came into contact with her clit which caused her to draw a sharp intake of breath. Now, as she moved forward and backward, my length was rubbing against her clit the whole way, and I could tell she was enjoying this. I repeated this again, then squeezed her whole breasts, or at least as much as I could hold. She then started rocking back and forth slightly. Jess moved her feet closer together, squeezing my cock tighter between her thighs. She stopped for a brief moment before continuing much quicker. I licked her upper ear and then spoke into it "I think you should let me do that. Her ass was firmly planted up against my hips. I pushed her back away then kept repeating this. I picked up the pace, and her breathing quickened. My cock head stuck out an inch in front of her. I went faster still, and the sound of her ass clapping against me was louder than the water raining down on us. I stopped dead with her ass against me. I pulled her all the way in towards me. Each time my cock length changed direction against her clit she sharply drew in a breath. I lowered my hands from her tits down to her hips and held her firmly in place. I repeated this a few more times, stopping and restarting, keeping her on the edge of cumming for as long as possible. I knew she would protest, but I held her firmly in place. She pushed my hands off her hips with force, then squeezed her knees as tightly as she could together and ground her clit hard against my cock back and forth for a dozen or so energetic strokes. As her orgasm mounted her knees started quivering, she leaned forward and put a hand on the shower wall to steady herself. Just when her breathing started to slow, I resumed thrusting between her thighs and it went right back to the faster pace. "Not yet," I whispered into her ear. She grabbed her breast in her other hand and squeezed, hard. Her fast breathing was becoming ragged; I could tell she was getting closer to orgasm but I wanted to tease her a little. I turned the water off and reached my hand out the shower door and grabbed the towels from the counter. I handed her one and quickly dried myself off and stepped out of the shower. You were really going hard there for a minute" I agreed. I took her hand in mine leading her into my bedroom and towards the bed, which she immediately sat down on in front of me. I was still standing up facing her, and my fully erect dick was right in front of her face. I tried to stop once more, but this time she would have none of that. "Well hello there," she said to it as she gave it a light kiss on the tip. "Holy shit that was a good one," she said under her breath to me as I held her in a close embrace. "Are you ready for more? She rode out the orgasm which lasted another twenty or thirty strokes, then turned around and collapsed into my arms. I nibbled her earlobe and received a moan in response. If you cherished this posting and you would like to get extra details regarding nude hairy pussy pictures kindly pay a visit to our internet site. Her on all fours in front of me may be the sexiest scene I have witnessed in my life. "It looks like you want a little bit of this," I answered, lining up my cock with her opening and pressing just the head into her. In response she turned around, and got on her knees at the edge of the bed, her ass lined up perfectly before me. "I don’t want a bit of it, I want the whole thing! "Well you’re wrong," she said. "What does it look like? I took a moment for us both to adjust to the sudden tightness, then started thrusting in and out of her at a steady pace, each time bottoming out inside her. She took the base of my shaft in her hand and started caressing it, moving up and down the shaft in slow stroking motions. " she teased, wiggling her ass a little as she asked. Her tits were swaying down beneath her creating the most hypnotizing sight, her nipples just barely touching the sheets of the bed. As I squeezed she moaned softly, so I squeezed harder. Her breaths were becoming sharper and her pussy was becoming wetter. I made to reach down and grab them but the positioning was awkward, so I stood back up and grabbed both sides of her ass in my hands instead. I must have caught her off guard, because the sudden tightness on my cock was almost too much for me. The area where my hand had hit her soft skin had turned slightly red. She pushed harder against me with each thrust. " On the last word she slammed her body against mine, backing up as far as she could and taking my full length inside her all at once. I let go of her ass with my right hand and spanked it, earning a high pitched yelp followed by a long moan. When free hairy nude women she released me a couple seconds later I resumed fucking her. I fired about six pulses then collapsed onto the bed next to her completely exhausted and drained. "I am too… just… a bit… ahhh…. With each thrust she was pushing back against me, doing more than half the work, she wanted this just as badly as I did. " Her pace suddenly changed from quick rough thrusts to long slow ones right as I finally let go and released my cum deep into her. "I’m gonna cum soon," I warned her. She was picking up the pace, going faster and faster with each thrust back towards me, and I was not going to be able to hold on much longer. We both fell asleep almost immediately in each other’s arms.