#And making people think they need $100 airpods

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

On sale right now for $2.99. I love my monoprice earbuds, they're the only ones i buy unless I'm caught out and facing a trip home in silence.

You can get Usb-c converters for <10 on Amazon. (monoprice is sold out of theirs rn but also in that price range).

Headphones in public are not optional.

We failed as a society when everyone stopped wearing headphones.

[flwrkisses]

boyfriend! jake.

just writing as inspo comes, all enha boys will get a bf headcannon post eventually— remember that likes, comments, and reblogs help me sm and tell me that you'd like to see more of my content!

genre: fluff. boyfriend au. established relationship.

warnings: slight mention of arguments. kissing & skinship.

❀˖° heeseung jay jake sunghoon sunoo jungwon ni-ki ..

- he's literally the dictionary's definition of "golden retriever boyfriend." you can look it up on google and he comes up fr.

- jake is so sweet and respectful when it comes to taking you out on your first dates and asking you to be his partner.

- he probably takes you on a casual date, somewhere you both feel comfortable like a picnic at the park, or riding bikes through the city, or maybe even an aquarium date.

- truly, he would wait a couple months into the relationship to admit how nervous he was first asking you out. and how he prepared himself for rejection.

- this man doesn't fall in love easily, however when he does finally realize he's in love he falls hard. he's so passionate about everything he's doing that it is only natural for him to be passionate about you.

- getting him away from you is hard, if you guys could be attached at the hip he would do it in a heartbeat he loves physical affection and is so extremely needy of your embrace. he's just so cutely clingy.

- he always remembers to text you "good morning" and "good night." and send you little cute texts throughout the day about how much he misses you.

- kinda like a real dog he would get pouty and whiny when denied your affection or feels like he's having withdrawals of your presence.

- he talks about you a lot, so much so that the enhypen members probably know more about you than you know about yourself.

- expect full princess treatment, he's opening every door for you, getting you things you show interest in, giving you his jacket regardless of his own needs and carrying you on his back if your shoes hurt your feet.

- you are so much to him, and regardless of the time that has past he's still so love sick and shocked that you happened to choose him out of all people to date.

- pda isnt too big of an issue with him, he likes holding your hand and maybe giving your cheeks or lips some quick pecks but he is mindful of other people as well. he knows not everyone likes to see a couple making out in public.

- his love language is definitely acts of service and quality time. he would do anything for you without question.

- with the enha boys, he takes the teases they throw at him because in his head he scored and they're just jealous.

- he obviously makes layla sniff test you, you passed it... obviously. and now he calls you her mom.

- if you didn't already know, he's extremely possessive and gets jealous easily. so, he will scream if someone comes too close to you.

- this man will pout if he hasn't heard from you all day. the second you call he's all smiles after annoying his members all day with his love sick whines.

- he thinks about you a lot, so he randomly shows up at your place with gifts and excuses the gifts as "this reminded me of you." or "this kinda looks like you."

- one thing he secretly likes is matching items, like phone cases, jewelry, or shoes. nothing too cheesy though, probably would get you something small like matching key chains or airpod cases.

- it's evident that he's a little clueless and gullible sometimes, so he believes everything you say 100%. you could probably prank him into thinking he's been showering wrong his whole life. he would literally go with it.

- unfortunately, as brave and tough as he wants to be for the love of his life (you) he's a little bit of a scardy cat so- expect to be the one protecting him from the dark, scary movies and bugs.

- he would die to take you camping and beg you every summer to let him take you out to camp until you finally agree and he gets so happy. he's finally able to show off his tent building and fishing skills.

- sometimes he might pull you into hiking dates, to explore the green landscapes and mountains. or have you ride ATV's or 4 wheelers with him for the thrill of it.

- although his life is extremely fast paced, he is so extremely patient with you. regardless of the situation he's never going to rush you or push you to make a decision.

- he makes playlist for you all the time, some of them with songs that make him think about you and others with songs he feels you might like. he takes pride in making and naming them. he hopes you listen to them all the time.

- fights are extremely rare with jake considering in his eyes you can hardly ever do wrong. he's a talker and would definitely want to talk out anything that might bother him.

- if you ever need him, regardless of the reason he would drop everything he's doing to be at your side. especially if you're out with friends and need a safe sober person to drive you home. he's the first one there for you.

- expect him to send you tiktoks of animals being cute and a text following it saying "babe this is literally us."

- saying "i love you" came naturally to him. he definitely said it first because he probably let it slip out without thinking. he probably doesnt even notice he said it until you point it out.

- "okay bye babe, i'll see you tonight. love you!— what's wrong why are you freaking out? was it something i said?... I SAID WHAT? no i didnt! ... did i? maybe i did... oh my god! damnit! i didnt want the first time to be that way!"

- he's so dramatic, he would literally pretend to pass out or die if you refuse a kiss.

- his one flaw... he's a little messy so you might have to clean up after him. however... he notices how you like to keep things and would actively work towards putting things where they go instead of just throwing things around.

- he also sometimes helps make meals with you. he's genuinely interested in cooking and thinks cooking together is a good way to spend time together. he makes the rice perfectly every time.

- of you go on his phone his photo gallery is filled with just pictures of you, and selfies you've taken of both of you together. pictures of you guys cuddling, kissing, making funny faces. it's all in there.

- probably has your contact name in his phone as "loml💗".

- he's genuinely convinced you guys will get married one day and have kids, and live in a nice house with a big yard and a dog.

- in his notes app he has saved a list of places you like eating at and your usual order for the place and randomly surpise you with food. even if he's on tour he'd order food to be delivered to you while in a different time zone.

- sometimes he worries about you eating or if you're drinking enough water. so he asks you all the time if you ate or if you've been sleeping well.

- he wears the things you get him all the time, it's so normal to him. and when he looks in the mirror and realizes he's wearing a necklace you got him he feels like he's carrying your love with him.

- jake really is just a love sick puppy boy who would drop anything and everything for you. he's so unbelievably in love it's so sweet.

hope you all enjoy! - happy to be writing again <3 !

masterlist. — requests are open!

- pls note that i have not yet made a masterlist for my enha writing. (i'm sorry engenes, it's coming soon!)

©flwrkisses ; please do not copy, translate, repost and/or reuse my work without my permission.

[jackiekashian]

no one reads these anymore right? Maybe i should post on wordpress…

I won’t be with Maria outside Pittsburgh tonite.

You know when you want to be mad at yourself even though it doesn’t matter and it becomes some sort of theater?

This week in scattered thought and action… not complete: I flew to Columbus Ohio and in the cab from the airport I left my airpod holder/charger and the portable brick charger attached. i got a new airpod holder charger but not a brick bc i have a backup.

I was flying to minneapolis the next day and misplaced my wallet to the tune of six witnesses and 90 minutes of scramble and me remembering witnesses to bad behavior, while technically, could be turned into an audience of my tragic death scene… they didn’t buy a ticket. So i was pretty good (tho not perfect… i was a little teary eyed and so mad at myself)… i thought i was rewarded for my patience by finding my wallet.

I go to Minneapolis and get to the airport early. So early I use up the charge on my other brick charger so plug it in. I missed the flight to Pittsburgh bc I left the charger and WENT BACK FOR IT. It’s not a fellow Marine… it’s a $100 charger. But I asked the people to call the gate and ran for it but the door was closed. So I missed the flight. And i had a small temper tantrum and cried and - it wasn’t the worst - like it wouldn’t go viral. But it was embarrassing and there was no way to get there on time for the show. So the agent has to find a new opener for Maria. My luggage is going to Pittsburgh. And I’m flying back to LA.

I am now trying to parse why I still want to hate myself for forgetting so many things this week. I want to still be mad at myself and have people be mad. Maria gave me extra money. I think - I HOPE it was the bump from last night’s show and not just sick pay:) but I’m not good at not accepting money. So I’ve taken it. I know Maria gets it. She has missed and forgotten things. But I’m just so mad and scared it’s the end of my brain working. But it’s also - A. OVER… just keep swimming Dory. And B. So many moving parts and not sleeping a lot. So chill kashian.

And I’m still in a skyclub. I’ve told the story to too many Delta reps and can’t face telling it to every friend and family member. To each person asking “so you couldn’t get another flight and make the show.” “There wasn’t another early flight?” I probably would have taken it. “The plane was there but they wouldn’t let you on?” I probably would have gotten on it. “So your luggage is on the flight to Pittsburgh? You checked it at Minneapolis?” That’s how checked luggage works.

“You knew the flight was boarding and Minneapolis gates are really far, why didn’t you just abandon the charger? The charger costs $100 - you would have got to hang with your friend, watch her work on her set, work on your new jokes and make more than $100?” And then I want to get defensive and explain tired and I already lost one… And I KNOW the questions aren’t there to make me feel worse - just people thinking out loud to get the problem and either fix it or offer ideas of how not to do it in the future. Hell, that last has not even been said to me… that’s the Parole Board Committee meeting that’s being held in my head right now. And you’ve just read the minutes. Sigh.

No sympathy is required, just venting and others might need to hear my brain and know they aren’t alone.

[jinx-blackout-84]

My highschool quote book:

----

"Violence is never the answer.... unless it is" (said with a mischievous look)

----

"I won't give you a 100 on assignment you didn't do"

"Not even for my birthday?"

".....it's not your birthday"

----

"I'm going to lick your shoulder" -girl 1

"DO NOT LICK MY SHOULDER" -girl 2

"Then cover it up, whore." -girl 1

-----

"Here's the thing, if someone licks your shoulder because you don't have it covered, that's on you," - math teacher

----

"Okay but the submissionn didn't work and the document got deleted. I did the assignment, I swear!"

"What was the passage you had to read with the questions about, then?"

".....I prefer not to answer"

"Yeah. Sit down."

----

"You guys are great. Not because youre a good class, I hate this class, but because you all turned in your presentations, and I didn't expect any of you to do it." -English teacher

----

"Hey so the presentation was supposed to be between 3-5 minutes. Yours was 23 seconds." -English teacher

".......well you can't say I wasn't efficient!"

----

"Are those drugs or tictacs? If theyre adderall I want one"

"Tictacs."

(At least 6 dissapointed sighs)

----

(For refrence they are both straight guys)

"Stop using my phone to take pictures of guy 1, I don't even know him." -Me

"But he's so hottttt....." -guy 2

----

"Can I touch your nipples?" -guy 2

"Not in public, babe" -guy 1

----

"So I was walking past the makeout hallway"

Guy 2, excitedly, "THERES A MAKEOUT HALLWAY??? TEACHER ME AND GUY 1 NEED TO GO ON A BATHROOM BREAK"

"You need to not fail my class. Do your notes."

----

"Guy 2, can you stay over tonight?" -guy 1

"OoOoH do you want to kiss me????"-Guy 2

"No I want to play video games." - guy 1

----

"So basically we are making a petition so me and guy 5 can be cheerleaders" -guy 4

"so I'll see you in a skirt?" -guy 6

"yes." -guy 4

"Can I sign this more than once?" -guy 6

(They did not get to be cheerleaders)

----

"Okay, so you know the the college fair is today-" -math teacher

(Girl raises hand)

"Can I sleep on the floor instead of attending?" -girl 3

"Are you referring to actual college or just the college fair?" -math teacher

"Both. You never answered my question" -girl 3

"You may not sleep through the college fair." -math teacher

"This is why the school system is failing." -girl 3

----

"Penis exploding machine"

----

"Project emo"

----

"Is it a vape?" -English teacher

"...Its a highlighter" -4 people say at once (it was a pink highlighter)

----

"Google search how to kill your entire family?"

----

"I feel like the second someone becomes famous they are immediately imbued with the urge to touch children" -Me

----

"I wouldn't kill you guys, that's too much work." -English teacher

----

"Am I watching a drug deal happen right now? What is happening?" -English teacher

"No I just give him money because he's my friend"

----

"Pov: the girlies go on a road trip to cannibalize politicians" - Me

----

"I wasnt looking at your boobs because they're sexy, im staring at them because I'm a fucking idiot" - Me

----

"As a proud part of the gay." - Me

----

"Everybody's parents die at some point, you dont have to be so sad about it" -Me

----

"Are you having a boy or an abortion?"

----

"I wont make you touch Jeremy's vagina, Guy 7, you don't like those" -Me

(Jeremy is an airpod case. His vagina is the charging port. Guy 7 is gay)

----

"Save that for your discord boy" - Me

----

"if your nipples are purple, you're not a virgin" - Me

----

"I do not condone racism" -Guy 7

----

"I encourage realistic thinking, not positive, but realistic" - English teacher

----

"School is about doing things you don't like" -English teacher

----

"shit down" -English teacher

----

"Karate in the English room is a no" -Me

 ----

"He dance battled too hard, the cops went after him" -Guy 7

----

"I think, had he not insisted upon gyrating at people, the cops may not have been involved" -Me

----

"Note to self: the cops do not appreciate being thrust at or run from" -Me

----

"you cant have too many grandpas, don't get greedy, guy 7" -Me

---- 

"I hate this ruler..."(Darkly) "I have to snap it in half"

[osaemu]

17 for the ask game?

u didnt say for who so im gonna do it for everyone hehe !

17. ideal way to spend time with one another?

dazai — lazy days at home bc we can just . . . do nothing. neither of us ever wanna do somethin if we don't have to , so days where we can don't have people to meet and places to be are perfect ! we just order in food , talk about nothing and nap on the couch together <3

chuuya — after a long day at work , chuuya likes to take me out for a nice evening walk. we talk about our day , and after everything that needs to be said is said , it's just comfortable silence where we just enjoy each other's company. bonus points if we're sharin airpods !

gojo — going to the beach ! we both looove swimmin out into the ocean and relaxing in the waves , and so whenever we can we just spend the day on the sand. he's really fun to go to the beach with bc this guy will literally do anything. wanna build a sand castle? sure! jump over waves? okay! take a nap under the umbrella? he's already gettin a blanket !

geto — okay this is rly random but we just like to go to the mall together. he's actually really fun to go to the mall with bc 1. he actually knows what looks good / doesn't look good and 2. we can both walk around and judge people to our heart's content <3

childe — this is also really random but i think i'd really enjoy going to the zoo with childe. something about him just makes me 100% sure that going to the zoo with him would be super fun ! or an aquarium tbh. whatever it is , it just feels right. i don't have anythin else to say lol it's just my instinct . . .

[obwjam]

heyy girlie (gender neutral) I’ve become way too invested into ur OC Petra and their story .. Just wanted to share some HC’s i thought of over fangirling over them <3

• Petra picks up Spanish from Miguel (Can’t decide if they learn on their own or Miguel takes the time to teach them)

• Possibly sleeps in web sometimes? or web hammock??

• Their suit also has some kind of sugar glider style fabric stretching out from under the arms that help them glide/get around. (appearing as needed)

• ^^ I’d like to think they wouldn’t use it all that much, but every once in a while they just whip it casually and everyone’s like “so they can just fly?” (Material’s sum similar to that whole cape thing Miguel had on at Gwen’a earth)

• They’re extremely in tuned with their spidey sense. Helping them stay ahead from accidental/intentional mishaps from bigger ppl. (Maybe did training/meditation to develop it over the yrs?? Karate kid type beat) Also has really good intuition in general.

• (To go with that ^^) Some individuals who become close with Petra find that their spider senses become instinctively more aware of them and keeps them from accidental mishaps.

(From here on is basically Petra and the gang bc yes to interactions with them )

• Petra becoming part of the “Team Miles” gang >> (Them practically kidnapping Petra into one of their own and making sure they feel included and etc >>>

• Like, they’re 100% in the groupchat

• The gang send all the “short friend” tiktoks in there (They pretend to be annoyed by this)

• Sleepovers >>>>>>

• Petra would melt Rio’s heart.

• Imagine the gang having dinner at Miles’s and Petra’s already pulling out their own tupperware from home. (not wanting to create a fuss or any awkwardness) and Rio just sets down a saucer in front of them with just the tiniest of tamelas all tied up perfectly and it’s just <3 (and you KNOW Rio’s sending her back home with leftovers)

• Spiderbyte has at least once or twice adjusted her avatar to be their size for Petra’s comfort. (Petra said they were fine but Margo insisted.) ((I’d like to think she’s one of their 1st close friends outside of Miguel and Jess))

• Petra offers to add bluetooth to miles suit after overhearing him complain how uncomfy airpods are under his mask. Under the condition that he shares his playlist with them.

• They falls in love Earth 1610’s (Miles’s earth) music. (I feel like this is how they hit it off??)

• Also Miles and Petra bonding over being “different” in their own ways >>>

(I could literally go on and on but i’ll just stop right here for now lol. Love this character and the backstory you’ve created. Looking forward to anything you decide to put out with them. Take care <3)

I’M… IM LITERALLY IN AWE OF THESE OMGGGGGGG I WANT TO WRITE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THESE AND I WANT TO EXPAND ON THEM OK

im literally obsessed with miles and petra bonding in that way. miles is just so nice and is like the fun-loving brother petra never had, and they both just have such a string desire to help people

miles does not look down on petra in any way. like he’s so chill they think there’s a catch but there isn’t. he’s just miles

miles is honestly in awe of petra and thinks they are SO COOL but will never admit it (gwen can tell right away)

spider byte making petra their own phone and petra is like bruh. what the hell is this thing and where has it been all my life

the “omg how are you so small” meme gets sent every day

petra is obsessed with the !! react on imessage

already loving how accepting miles’ parents would be of them in the perfect world where they know everything like. rio is SO motherly to them

petra would LOVE miles’ music so much omg. they would be a “always training to a specific playlist” typea bitch

the suit thing is SO good because i had the same thought. just making crazy jumps and gliding around

they have this weird relationship w miguel bc he saved them so they have a soft spot for each other but the way miguel sees miles is of course questionable…… so they’re in a weird middle ground

peter b. would be a menace to them of course. sort of like a love/hate relationship but they will never admit they like each other

petra picks up spanish from miguel and them and miles speak it to each other to practice 🥹

tiny people having superior senses is like my favorite trope that i use with every time so it’s a no-brainer here, they know shit like a few seconds before the others sense it

miguel is so protective over them it’s insane. they pretend it bothers them but deep down they rely on that security

[inconsideratekidney]

11/20/24

goooooood mornin',

i am feeling good today in general. i've been feeling better ever since i got dressed. i put pants on that i haven't worn in like 3 weeks and reached into my pocket and found my airpods! i am very happy. they are charging up now and i am so ready to go back to wireless listening.... the wired ones were good and all, reliable and didn't need to be charged, but man i missed not having a wire in the way of literally everything i do. the microphone on the wired ones is 100% better tho.... i was struggling to sign while wearing them connected to my laptop, but the mic was just so much better than my airpods. oh shwell. i need new headphones, i should've asked for christmas, but i said i didn't want anything like usual. i want a new laptop and a new pair of headphones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

should i buy the sims 3? genuine question... i hear it's the best of the series for its open world concept, its general relationships, family, and the wants are actually context based and not random. the sims 4 is lovely and is by far the most aesthetic or pleasing to look at version of sims and of worlds. the building is also the best out of all 4. i like my sims 4, so i think i will obviously keep it, but will always be curious about playing the older versions, especially when so many ppl think its the best one *shrug*.

also the fact that the sims 2 has turn-ons and turn-offs is absolutely hilarious to me. so funny. and like star signs... im dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

how is that mighty fine air of ours. it's so airy and full of air. honestly i always forget it exists, it really does just sit there. i love the air. it's so mysterious and gets loud all of a sudden and then dissipates. so cool. i guess that's more the wind, but i love both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's been 6 months since my uncle passed and 3 years since my friend from hs took his life.....times are weird. i don't feel much about it, which feels wrong, only because it was my uncle and i was closest with him. i guess i just don't like to think about things that make me upset! crazy... i was thinking about it tho during class yesterday. i totally blanked out and stared into the computer screen in front of me for about 3 minutes. that was weird...

i'm nervous to go home for thanksgiving. so many things happening..... hopefully my family is happy, but i know it'll be weird without my uncle. very weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my uncle was 56 years old, wasn't married before passing, and never had any kids. he had a lovely girlfriend, so many friends and loved ones, and had many pets in his life. he was always a class clown, in school and after graduating when working as a teacher. everyone who knew him loved him. he was loud and opinionated and loved to make jokes and get people laughing. he was fun to be around because he always wanted to do something, he goofed around and would occasionally make fun of you...but you still enjoyed it...most of the time. he loved people with all of his heart and wanted the best for anyone and everyone around him.

his heart may have been the very thing that worked very hard in his life, maybe too hard. along with all of the fun times being the life of the party, he drank and smoke heavily throughout his life. he had heart problems that he didn't tell anyone about. he would work hard and do things for others, but silently suffer through them. we wouldn't have known that he was suffering as much as he did if he didn't want to burden us and bring attention to himself. in some ways, you could still argue it was a bit selfish how we all care for each other and he didn't let us know, so now we have to deal with the outcome of it. there are many perspectives, but this one is one of the harshest and realest. i won't go into the harshest one, because it's something i don't like to condemn him of, and he doesn't deserve that right now.

whatever actually happened specifically, we don't know, so there's also no reason to beat ourselves up over not knowing. i know my family struggles with that... anyway, i miss him and hope to see him in heaven one day. may God rest his soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i don't mean to be so depressing, but it's my real life and i feel like it's important to talk about. i will be there for my loved ones and make sure to pay attention to people even when they piss me off. i hope everyone is doing alright and that i don't miss too many signs of depression or the like in any of my friends and close ones. i know my family's depressed rn so *shrug*.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i may end it here for lack of anything better or more to say lol. i wish to get on a more tuesday tuesday tuesday schedule, but life happens and i forgert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hope everyone has a lovely day and see you all next time on the inconsideratekidney show...

i hated that..

ok bye :p

kD ⭐

[shadowpeachyuri]

I'm wheezing and pounding my fist on the floor, airpods in all six of his ears my ribs ow, hahahaha. how do you come up with this stuff, who is MAKING that stuff, "average celestial monkey listens to 100 spotify songs a day, Macaque is an outlier who should not have been counted" I don't think he even knows what spotify or airpods are lol. Do you think he cries to his ShadowPeach divorce playlist every night/j no seriously, if we give him a music box he can play his villain theme for the drama. What theatre kid doesn't have some sick beats to go along with their show? Shadow Play, but if it was a broadway musical /j. I came here to talk about how deliciously evil it is how much these two affect each other yet never say it to their faces because they're too busy rolling over like quarreling lion cubs but now I think I will slapping your posts with a tumblr hall of fame sticker you are SO funny omg. I love your energy. So much inspo to be found here. But also on that: (Mac yelling that SWK always drags people into his messes and SWK repeating those same words to MK as an apology and saying he needs to stop doing that?? Ugh, you two are SO impacted by that fight. Yet you will sooner punch in the face of person whose words you've internalized. The words that cause you guilt. Punch generallyyy isn't the first instinct of the average person towards the source there.) I like how different their responses are tho. It might be harder to notice with SWK because he isn't having trauma flashes like Mac, but it is there in his present day characteristics. They are 50% on the same page when that fight is referenced, but 50% I think comes from what happened when they were apart. Like if the journey failed, if flower fruit burned, and what killed Mac bc if it wasn't SWK I REALLY want to know where he thought Mac was all this time and what he was doing. That "are you ever going to get tired of living in my shadow? + "always did have a sidekick kind of vibe" + "on brand to have a worse version of everyone else's powers." is very, not SWK if he accidentally killed his bud. in fact, it almost doesn't feel like the kind of response post-Monk fight either. This kind of animosity is REALLY strange between them. I wonder how much is forced habit bc SWK kept Saying Things he didn't fully mean bc of emotion in the fight if that "I really wanted that peach" meant anything, and how much is fueled by the Hypothetical Some Other Not-Quite-Imposter Adjacent Crime Mac might have done towards him.

macaque doesn’t know what spotify is or how to use a smartphone but at the same time i do firmly believe he would listen to cheesy pop stuff.

ALSO YEAH THE PARALLELS. THE THEMES MAN. THE ECHOES

[annieintheaair]

I waited all my life just to fall for someone like you

Lewis Capaldi released a new album yesterday (Broken By Desire To Be Heavenly Sent). I've always felt that music finds you when you need it the most. Whether you're having the best day or the worst day, a song comes on and it completely moves you. It speaks to the deepest part of your soul and somehow, the things you felt like you didn't understand before, suddenly make sense. That's how I felt listening to his new album today. It started playing on Spotify as an album recommended to me so after a couple of songs, I put in my AirPods, grabbed my dogs, and went for a walk.

Am I cured of all of the pain and sadness I've been feeling? Absolutely not. But do I feel like I'm not alone? 100%. Listening to a song, or an entire album, that just speaks to you, makes you realize that you're not alone in all of this. The things that you're going through, others have gone through before. They survived to sing about it.

It has been some time since I've written here. A lot has happened in my life since then. Eight months ago, I moved to a new house an hour away from where I lived for the last 8+ years. I felt like maybe I needed a change of scenery or something. It was almost a blessing that my landlord sold my townhouse, forcing me to move out. I honestly started thinking I'd probably just stay there forever because it was all so perfect. Even so, it seemed like so much hurt and sadness had been absorbed into those walls. I loved that house; I loved that neighborhood, and I really loved my life. Even though the house held me during a time when I experienced so many losses, somehow I was the happiest I had ever been. Eight months later, I'm still asking myself how and why I did that to myself. I needed a change but I didn't need to abandon my entire life.

Don't get me wrong, I now live in a beautiful house, but I'm the loneliest I've ever been. Where you are doesn't matter nearly as much as the people you're surrounded by. It's about people, not places.

My last entry here was in May of 2022. Three months later, Dan passed away, which is likely why I couldn't come back and write again. I spent months going to therapy, every week thinking I'd walk in there and talk to my therapist about how I was feeling but instead, I felt like I was at a loss for words. Up until this August when it was a whole year since he passed, I couldn't talk about it. I found other unimportant things to talk about every week and walked out of therapy still feeling so weighed down by everything.

Part of me felt wrong for feeling sad when Dan texted me the day before he died and I ignored it. He called me many times that week and I didn't pick up the phone. I felt such guilt when I shut him out, thinking maybe he would just go away. Deep down, I knew I didn't want him to go away. He was one of my oldest friends and people who knew me the best. He always called me out whenever I said things I didn't mean or when I was sad and lied and said I was happy. It takes a long time to get to know someone on that level and after 15 years, he knew me better than anyone and somehow still loved me anyway. He never missed the chance to tell me that he loved me and my biggest comfort after he died was knowing that at least I knew how he felt before it was too late.

Losing Dan came with a lot of lessons. It brought out the part of me that I had tucked away after middle school. I always believed in telling people how you felt but life as a teenager told me not to do that. I related sharing your feelings with losing people. For fear that telling the truth would send them away, I kept it all inside. When Dan passed away, I realized that you should never lose those opportunities. If sharing how you feel is going to chase them away then they're not someone worth keeping anyway. The people who care about you and care about your heart, those are the ones who will stay. You'll never scare them away with honesty.

Our relationship was never perfect. It was far from perfect, but one thing that was perfect was that we never gave up on each other. On my last night in Rhode Island before moving out of my apartment, as the snow came down outside, I think deep down I knew that was really going to be the end of us as we were. While I cried, he told me that we were so lucky to have found what we did at such a young age because some people wait their whole lives for what we had. After he passed away, I told myself that I didn't even want to date for a while and if I ended up alone for the rest of my life, it was okay because I had found love at one point in my life.

The thing is, life is hard, and having people to go through life with you makes all the difference. You can't time travel to the past to fix your mistakes or say what you wanted to say. All you can do is live in the now. You should never let a day go by without letting people know how you feel because someday, it just may be too late.

Unfortunately, when people are present, sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things about them, and once they're gone, we realize all of the good that we lost. When you're mad, you see the worst, and soon, it's too late once you start comparing the positives with the negatives. Always try to see the good things and always turn those feelings deep in your heart into words.

xoxo

Annie

[shoppingshoppingshoppingshopping]

What It Wasn’t That It Isn’t - New Album!

Listen/purchase: What It Wasn't That It Isn't by Local Teen

Aye yo!

New album!

So these tunes were started late 2018 early 2019. It took maybe 6 months to shape them into what they are now. Actually, lemme go check on that. I looked at the file dates and it looks like I started shaping these in early Feb 2023 so that's about 4-5 months. I have probably 100+ songs to shape up and finish so at this rate it's going to take me 4-5 years to where I am releasing songs I wrote within the past 6 months. I am getting better at making songwriting and production choices that make the process faster but change is glacial. Like I finally figured out that I need to carve out 100-150hz for the bass to be heard on the bluetooth speaker I use to check my mixes on. Usually that means I can hear it in my airpods which are not known for decent bass. Anyway, Let's move on. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD last year so if it's obvious to you that tangents can take me away from my original point then good for you for figuring it out wayyy before I did.

ok first song:

Living in a fantasy: This one goes hand in hand with another song on the album. I won't say which but they both have the same chords. I came up with a chord structure I love and tried it maybe 8 different ways. I kept working on each version until I ended up with 2 completely different sounding songs. I didn't make a conscious choice to make them different. I just kept following what it sounded like and seeing what my subconscious wanted to add to these songs. Even now when I hear them they do not sound like to my ears at all. The lesson here (and I am saying this to myself) is that you can completely steal from someone else and still make it your own. So don’t worry that someone else will notice. It’s not a ripoff if it’s coming from your nondecision making place.

I love the drums on this. That beat comes so naturally to me that I can play it reasonably in time with very very few edits to the drums. Unlike other beats where there’s a lot of chopping up to make it sound like a decent drummer is on the track. (I’m not a good drummer but boy do I love playing drums).

I spent a lot of time shaping these words to make sense. I usually hear a line in my head then lay it down and listen back. Often my first choices are so cringe. Like “will you be cool when I put up a fight” was originally “will you be cool or put up a fight” and that sounded super rapey. Then when I switched it to the narrator's point of view that was way more interesting since it’s a dude saying it. This song also was way longer. Keith tells me my songs are often too long so I chopped it down before I even sent it to him.

Also, I fucking HATE when dogs jump on me. That had just happened twice that week when I sang the line “keep that goddamn dog away from me”. It should have been cathartic but instead it's just kind of bringing me back to that awful powerless, unsafe feeling (I’m avoiding saying “Trauma” here because I dislike the overuse of the term in pop culture but this is the term my therapist uses and I think devalues its meaning). I often explore the bad feelings I have in my music. But I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make things feel better when they come up. But it’s better in that it’s out there and I can accept who I am a little more. And that’s a big chunk of what making music brings me is closer to self acceptance. I make what I make and I need to feel happy that I can make stuff and not feel bad that I can’t make stuff that appeals to more people or meets the standards I want to hit.

At the end of the song is a clip of my baby girl that I recorded as a drop for the how neal feel podcast which I sprinkled in I think one more time on the record.

2 tengo miedo - means “I’m scared” in spanish. And I do hate when people say “I’m not going to lie”. I get that it’s supposed to sound like they are being honest but really what I hear is “I usually lie but in this rare case I will tell the truth”. Also “tengo miedo” is more fun to sing than “im scared”. It’s hard to put some english (billiards term! And a pun!) on those syllables.

This song was not intentionally meant to sound like someone else’s song but by the time I was almost done I realized I kind of came really close to a famous indie rock song. I’m not gonna say which one. You’ll have to figure it out.

My baby girl sings on this one. In the last chorus she’s layered in with me.

Keith says I did a reggie and the full effect thing with the synths at the end. I dig some of the reggie ideas, never liked the sound. I was going for that Rentals/Blue Album B-side/I just threw out the love of my dreams kind of vibe. That’s how you do synths over fuzzy gtrs. The cars did it well too. Most every punk and indie band of the late 90s early 00s did it badly.

3 I dont care what theyve got on me: I recall this song coming together really quickly. Hearing all the parts as soon as the chords came out of fingers. The drums sound a little like samples to me but I swear they’re real. I have no idea how I got that snare sound. I must have tuned it in a unique way and changed mic placement. It’s all there on the track if you solo it.

I dunno why but writing about fraud and crime comes so easily sometimes. I love love love crime movies. Probably since Goodfellas had a huge impact on me as yoot.

Big homey Dov sent a voice recording to our whatsapp group and it’s at the end of this song cuz it made me laugh and I wanted to give you lay-down-in-the-dark headphone listeners some ear candy to discover.

4: I was watching a movie depicting an extremely stressful and lonely situation and it hit me: This is what my inner childhood body feels like. Alone, lost, no one to help, no one to protect me, no one I can trust. “There’s no hope, no love, no safety, no belonging.” Those lyrics just came out. There was no need to think about it. It was all there. In the pre-chorus I am saying “Coño” which if you google will say It’s used as a vulgar term for vagina. That is not how I know it or use it (or like it). I use it in the Miami way which you say when a bad situation presents itself. Kinda like, “son of a bitch” or “ain’t that a bitch” or “damn, bro!”. When I lived in Miami it would often get shortened to just “...ño” which, to you non speakers, you say with an extra Y sound on it like in “onion” so it’s more like “conyo” with a lot of accent on the “ny” the worse the situation is like a smashed big toe or shat pants or dropping your cortado on your brand new car seat covers.

5: round 3 with beth - I’m already running out of steam here writing these liner notes but I think I recorded the guitars and they felt like something I had done before so I chopped them up and came up with a new chord structure and rhythm. I then played them back over the new idea and layered them up. I’m about 60% sure of this but don’t feel like opening up the ableton session to see what really happened cuz as the saying goes “art is a lie that tells the truth”. I heard that quote this week and I like it.

6: pay me in guitars - I usually write music before melody and lyrics. This title came to me when I had to pick a file name to save what I had recorded. It’s a good title. I am saying “crack” the way Kurt does in Lithium with that weird A sound “Crayck”. That’s a nice lil nod to my teenage man crush.

The end was so hard to mix correctly. It was initially a crazy wall of sound that to me sounded awesome. I could hear all the melodic ideas in there. But when I took a break from it and came back weeks later it was just too much noise noise noise. So I cut most of that out and played up one of the 20 guitars I layered because I came up with some jazzy chords that sounded awesome. I don’t know what they are called but I know I’ve seen them used in Radiohead guitar tabs. You basically take the high octave and flatten by a half step. They’re sad and dissonant and sound best on not super distorted guitars

7: walts got a hernia - I think I stole these chords from a song my friend keith wrote. I realized they were a staple of pop punk and don’t think I’ve ever used them before. Also, for one brief moment there’s a riff in there that might be the same as maybe one of the biggest pop punk songs of all time. I only realized this way after the fact. Funny how the songs you love sneak their bits and bobs into the songs you make. I recorded all the guitars in one go. I had the session up on my computer (I usually have a song open at all times so that when I have to work I can indulge my ADHD and hit record and see if anything comes to me).

Story: IIRC Walt came over to hang out and made me touch his gorgeous man abs to see if the weird thing he was feeling was a hernia. After he left I went to the basement studio to probably check work email and instead hit record. All these words and vocals and melodies came out with zero forethought in one straight take…. As my favorite rappers say “off the dome”. And I can hear the difference in the melody and lyrics. It’s got spaces and fills and call backs I have never used consciously before.

I tried rerecording the vocals a few times but nothing ever came close to the natural laid back delivery I had the first time. I realized that what I had was actually cool. So it stayed and I made it work with some clever edits you can’t hear.

8 yesenia - I was listening/watching so much of the bodega boys when I wrote this. I was picturing Mero’s sassy Yesenia character and my desires to court the gorgeous and stop-your-clownin’ Dominican woman I imagined.

OK I’m all out of energy. I’ve been writing for an hour straight. The rest of the songs are all stuff I wrote for the How Neal Feel podcast. Why aren’t they all on their own release? Well I spent 2 fucking weeks prepping probably 80 fucking songs on 6 different albums (where I created unique artwork for each) I wrote for podcasts/commercials/shows that happen to be 30 seconds long or less.

So why didn’t they get released?

And now we get to modern tech platforms ruining art.

First: if a track isn’t 30 seconds or longer and you can’t get paid for a stream.

Second, they will not allow an album where the average song length is less than 60 seconds. So at the end of this record it had to go. I get why they have to do that but still. Fuck them. How about instead of a blanket policy you allow some carve outs for people not trying to scam the system by uploading 30 seconds of noise with the same song titles as other artists? I mean clearly this can be fixed if humans are incharge and not algos.

They would say, “there isn’t a single streaming platform that has ever turned a profit. Do you know the cost it would take to hire and train that many people?”.

I say fair point.

But then let me counter with: that’s cuz y’all made a shitty deal with the major labels when you set such low streaming rates that now kinda fucks all artists except the top 1%.

The whole system is screwed up and I get the economic realities the companies have to deal with. Hopefully AI can help automate some of this and a feller like me who makes music every day with an addiction like dedication can make a modest living from his art one day. “From my lips to gods ears” as my dad likes to say.

I honestly dream about waking up and having a solid 6-8 hours every day to make music in between bouts of building stuff, painting stuff, playing games and what not. And enough to live near a warm ocean with waves. I think I’d really like surfing. That would be just the greatest. So share this with people that might like it. The more listeners I get the more music I can put out and maybe one day this can be my full time job.

Jah Bless.

Credits: R and E sang on stuff. Dov makes an appearance. Keith gave me feedback. Trevor too. I played, recorded, mixed and did everything else.

[surveysand]

forty-two.

1) If you had to make a six hour cross-country journey, would you rather take the train, fly or drive? How come? fly. it's the fastest and safest option.

2) How long do your earphones tend to last before the connection goes and you have to replace them? quite a few hours. airpods have a decent battery life.

3) If you could dye your hair any colour in the world, assuming it would look perfect with your colouring, what would you pick and why? in reality, i would never die my hair, but if i absolutely had to, i'd do it a super light shade of brown because it's different enough but still closest to my current hair color.

4) Are you a fan of musicals? If you are, what ones have you seen live and which ones would you like to see? i like them, but not too much into them to know what i would want to see next. i've seen aladdin and hamilton.

5) If money was no object, and you could go on a two-week vacation with one other person, who would you take, where would you go and what would you get upto? i would take my partner and we'd go to iceland. one of my dreams is to see the northern lights and both my partner and i have talked about how iceland is one of our dream travel destinations. i would love to see the nature there.

6) Are you someone who needs to have time alone? yes.

7) What’s your opinion on couples who do literally everything together? Are you like that, or is that like one of your worst nightmares? as much as i love spending time with my partner, i definitely need time alone to decompress. i don't have an issue if other couples do it, but both him and i could not do everything in life together, 100% of the time, though we'd prefer it in most instances.

8) Have you ever had to give up something you were addicted to? Did you actually succeed? no.

9) Does your favourite food vary depending on your mood or on the time of year or anything? not really.

10) Do you know anyone whose views/opinions are the complete opposite of yours? Do you find it hard to get on with them as a result, or can you generally ignore it and find something else to talk about? yes, there are many people who really do believe in the antithesis of absolutely everything i do. because i hold my beliefs so closely to me and how much i believe that your views are a direct reflection of your beliefs about others, it's incredibly hard for me to get along well with people like that. i can be cordial, but my image of them will always be tainted by their opinions.

11) Have you ever had to work (or study) with someone that you really didn’t get along with? How did you deal with it (ignoring them, being nice, etc.)? yes, i think that's a part of existing as a human, lol. you do what you do and, if any serious problems arise, you work out the differences or bring in a mediator of sorts.

12) Have you ever had any problems with your wisdom teeth, or have they been taken out already? they came in a few months ago and it was some of the worst pain i've ever been in. thankfully, i don't think i need them taken out as they don't bother me anymore.

13) Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? sight.

14) Do you ever listen to CDs anymore? i collect them, but don't listen to them.

15) What’s your favourite type of fast food? Is it something you eat a lot or do you try and limit it? chicken nuggets. i eat it when i'm in the position to, i don't necessarily limit it.

16) Do you find your mood changes when you’re hungry or tired? Does eating or sleeping automatically cure your of a bad mood? yes, i become very irritable when i'm hungry or tired. eating will fix my mood immediately, but sleeping when i'm tired doesn't always make me feel better.

17) When you see cute animals, do you just wanna pick them up and cuddle them or fuss them? cuddle them.

18) What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? Did you make up with that person or did you end up losing them over it? when i got into a fight with one of my best friends in eighth grade over some stupid middle school drama. we made up, though, and she's still one of my best friends to this day.

19) Do you find yourself using people as footrests and pillows if you’re sat next to them? no.

20) Have you ever gotten really bad travel sickness? Has this put you off travelling or going by certain modes of transport in case it happens again? no.

21) What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? sex work is work. i absolutely think it should be legal and regulated because there is no way it will ever be eradicated. because of that, as many regulations as possible need to be implemented in order to keep workers safe and have places they can report crimes against them without fear they will be criminalized as well.

22) If it was a case of prostitution or being evicted from your home, which option would you pick (assuming you’d tried everything else to make money first)? get evicted. my parents would allow me to move back home if needed and other family members would take me in as well.

23) What would go into your ideal sandwich? Do you eat that often or is a treat for you? turkey, provolone, mayo, lettuce, and onion on wheat. when i have the ingredients, it's an everyday meal for me.

24) In general do you prefer modern art or more traditional art? Or do you really not care? i love both a lot.

25) If you want (or don’t want) kids, is this something you’ve always known or have you changed your mind as you’ve grown up? i've gone back and forth throughout my life. i'm pretty sure i want them at some point, but there were quite a few years when i was really against it. however, i've always had a love for kids since i was a little girl.

26) Do you believe “once a criminal, always a criminal” or do you think that people can really change and become better? i believe many people can be rehabilitated.

27) Have you ever read a quote or a poem and really connected with it yes.

28) What’s something that really puts you off a person (bad hygiene, whatever)? Are you willing to look past that in order to get to know them properly? their views on kids. even if someone doesn't want kids (as i was at one point in my life), the weird and unnecessary vitriol some people have for kids is so concerning. i would not be able to be in community with someone who held such vile views towards an already vulnerable group.

29) Are you into piercings and tattoos? If not, do you judge people who are, and vice versa? yes, i have several of both.

30) What’s your opinion on places like Seaworld? Do you think keeping whales and dolphins in such small enclosures is cruel or a necessary evil? i hate them. any such establishments need to be closed permanently. there are well-educated rehabilitation establishments that are able to conserve and educate people on sea life and seaworld/other organizations that operate under this guise but really only using them for entertainment is absurdity and cruelty.

[dzpenumbra]

4/2/23

I got lost in time watching an RP stream again. Night got away from me. I spent pretty much the entire day working on the desire path project in Blender. It's actually coming along pretty nicely. I think it's going to end up looking very close to how I was envisioning, and there's a LOT of room to customize the animations. I was thinking of having the paths themselves independently randomly flicker, like they're electric. I'm curious to see how it looks with 100 of them. I got about 30 done today.

The big standout of the day was... I went for a walk up to the pharmacy. It was about 70 degrees out. I put on my hoodie and my sunglasses and popped in my AirPods and walked the full mile uphill the entire way up to the pharmacy to find... it... closed. I have no idea why. Is April Fool's Day a fucking holiday now? Am I in fucking Bizarro Universe or something? The website said it was open until 8 and the pharmacy was open until 6, I got there around 5:30. And the whole place was closed and the parking lot was empty, and I was sweating and my shins were killing me. It was really frustrating.

When I was walking up... I came across some people that were... yeah. I mean... I don't know how to put this lightly as a person who has lived in a more rural area for like 20 years. People who made me feel... unsafe. And... in my reflection on it... I don't know if I'm just not being fair? But it was pretty overwhelming today. One guy was like... twitching as he walked, I'm guessing either tweaking or a neurological issue or something. I felt bad, I didn't want to judge. But I averted eye contact and kept a bit of a distance. I just felt like... like I was not in a good neighborhood, and I could get mugged. Again, maybe it's the AirPods that make me feel that way. I know the electric board did.

Maybe it's being alone? I think that's honestly probably a really big factor. But I did have an interesting moment, where I really felt a bit silly... I walked past two teenage girls that were just strolling down the sidewalk past me. And I was just like... these two girls are completely fine walking down here, and I'm freaking out that I'm going to get jumped on this sidewalk of a main fucking road.

And then I had a mirror-moment internally, where I was like... I'm walking up the street, with my hands in my hoodie pockets, wearing all black with sunglasses on, mid-30's male with a full beard. Am I not also one of the sketchy ones? XD Like... would I sketch out those girls?

After finding out the pharmacy was closed - some guy driving into the parking lot yelled to me to let me know, which was chill - I sat on some rocks to recover my leg strength. There was a highschool age girl alone on a bench nearby. And I was going through that whole reflection thing. Am I weirding her out being here? How is she so calm and cool with this, doesn't this feel unsafe for her?

It's hard to think of how I'm going to be functional alone in a city environment with this factor the way it is. It explains a lot.

So I might need to like... remind myself... I'm a bearded man wearing sunglasses and all black and a metal band t-shirt. And there's two teenage girls like a block ahead of me. We're on a busy main road in the middle of the day on a weekend. Why am I convinced I am the one getting robbed in this scenario?

It was at the point where I didn't want to walk on the side of the road that a convenience store was on over in that direction, because it looked like a kinda... rougher neighborhood convenience store.

So, to give myself a little slack here, let's open this up a bit. If something were to happen to me... no one would know and no one would care, really. I would take the L, give them what they want, probably my phone and headphones. I'd lose all my pictures, because apple wanted to get some extra cash out of me to store it digitally, and I didn't shell it out. The headphones, I care a bit less about. They're very nice, very helpful, very useful and practical, but not essential. And yeah, maybe my debit card or something. I'd go right home, go into crisis management with my card, and message my therapist on Betterhelp. And... that's probably it. I'd probably just order a new phone, take the loss and just... live without a phone for a few days. Which... is not the end of the world, I really don't use it a lot and the screen is cracked. And then... I'm good.

And that's the worst case scenario. Why the hell am I going to let that ruin a nice day? Why am I going to let that consume me?

Maybe it's just part of my... losing streak. I'm really just... looking around to see where the next loss is going to come from. Is it going to be my computer shitting the bed? Is my neighbor going to burst a pipe or something and water is going to leak through my ceiling and fuck up my shit? Am I going to find out that this twitching left eye for like 3-4 weeks straight wasn't stress and sleep deprivation, but actually a brain tumor? Am I going to finally get a date on one of the two apps that I literally never get matches on, and that person is going to be another manipulative trauma case that just unloads all their shit on me because I'm super supportive and nice and I listen, drain me dry and then peace out? Or worse, stay?

I'm not worried about something bad happening, I'm convinced something bad is going to happen and I'm just trying to identify what and where. And it's really hard to like... live a calm, peaceful, happy life like that.

Meanwhile, I see happy people walking on the street without a care in the world. This shit is all normal to them. They don't feel the fear like I do. It's really frustrating.

And the crazy part? I'm the least fearful one in my family. The most adventurous, the most risk-taking. And I can barely walk a mile up the road without going into survival mode.

Welp. I've been through a lot. I've seen a lot of dark shit, you know? And once that shit starts to get... real... It gets bigger. At least for me. I think it's just part of being fully emotionally in-touch. Like... I should be afraid of criminals and people who radiate bad vibes. I should be cautious. But it's so fucking visceral. That polyvagal element, you know? Maybe it's partly because of social isolation? Naw, honestly, I remember riding the subway in NYC back in... 2009? 2010? My ex and I went to the MoMA together - we went on a trip together, just the two of us, we went to where I grew up and then visited NYC proper, we saw the Tim Burton exhibit that was in the MoMA at the time. I was super overwhelmed any time we were in big groups of people. I remember being in the subway and it was just like... like that dream I had with the tigers climbing all over me, smothering me, trying to play. I have no idea how people can just... calmly be in that environment. The only times I have ever been even close was when I was on heavy doses of benzos and antidepressants. And then guess what happened? Ended up hanging out with predators and not giving a shit. Big surprise...

I don't know how to balance this, honestly. I miss nature. I feel so much more comfortable being around birds of prey and deer and foxes and snapping turtles than around fucking people.

Ugh, I'm not going to figure this out tonight. It's just upsetting, and it's something I'm just going to have to deal with regularly. And I guess today was just an especially difficult day.

Oh, and to top it off... I saw another No Skateboarding ($150 fine) sign... And it was right in the middle of the park where I was skating all winter. So... putting two-and-two together... Cops saw me skating there all winter, did not do a thing about it. Snowskates are not skateboards. But, technically, they could make a case that I was breaking the law there. If they wanted to. But they didn't. So... I think that's worth keeping in mind? My initial reaction was "oh for fuck's sake..." but my secondary reaction was, "well, I skated all winter there and no one said a damn thing, they had plenty of opportunities..." So yeah, just being real with myself here, I think the cops have bigger concerns than some guy in his mid-30's jumping around on a weird snowboard thing in the park by himself.

But... I want to round this out with good vibes, as always. I got out and got fresh air. It was a nice day. The view walking back down the hill was very pretty, seeing the river and all the old historic buildings and everything. I got a lot of exercise. I got a lot of work done on my desire path project, it's going to look way cooler than it did before so the extra work is paying off. And I made another pretty kickass chicken fried rice tonight, so that was nice.

[lovesickheize]

darkness and emptyness ⭑ ⸱៰ ͘ ࣭⸰ 𖥔

nakamoto yuta x gn!reader

who would have thought you'd find an equally messed up soul lying at the beach on a cold january night just like you? well apparently you did~

▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔༺ ᨦ♡ᨩ༻▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔ྀ̥̊͝ཾ▔

wc: 934

tw!: this fic touches a lot of sensitive topics and can be very straight forward. mentions of su1cide and mental illnesses like anxiety and e4ting dis0rders are frequent and the mental instability of the 2 main characters (yuta and the reader) is the main topic. i wrote this fic in an attempt to escape from my own darkness and emptyness since yuta is the only idol i genuinely feel comfortable with and personally i think he is the only idol that would never judge someone about anything, so i view him as a comfort idol. this is purely fictional.

an: this playlist includes all the songs that match my aesthetic and make me feel safe. it also matches 100% this fic~ please listen to it while reading this if you want to immerse yourself in the concept and honestly my mental illness lol.

⊱ ─────────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ───────── ⊰

when all else fails, you still have that isolated beach in the middle of nowhere and a spotify premium account.

you were lying on the cold sand, airpods in, ignoring the piercing breeze of the dark mid january night. life was falling apart. something that you'd call a habit, a daily occurrence, at this point. but this time, it was really falling apart. not even your favourite zero coke could make you feel a bit better. not even the cigarette between your reddened by the cold lips. it was terrible. you would cry if there were any tears left in your body. but those ran out months ago. your dry skin and your dehydrated body couldn't even produce new tears. your physical health was falling apart along with your mental health. and your life.

so there you were. recognizing an escape in the isolated beach you found a couple of months ago. "your spot" as you called it. your safe place. away from your family, your non existent friends, school, life. away from everything and nothing, an escape from your misery. your thoughts, your overthinking tendencies, anything that made you even more miserable than you already were. they couldn't reach you there. it was your safe place.

your airpods were playing your favourite songs. no, not the depressing ones people liked to listen to when sad. you couldn't understand those people. you liked the dark slow songs, the ones that could match your misery's aesthetic.

your eyelashes were heavy, unlike your empty soul. you couldn't even feel sad. you closed your tired eyes, dark circles not visible under the faded light. the moon was covered by clouds and the stars weren't enough. you found comfort in the silence of that specific night. it felt as if the universe was trying to stand by your side through another one of those eternal nights of no tomorrow.

suddenly you felt a presence next to you. not caring enough to see what was happening, you just took another puff of your semi finished cigarrete. the person next to you didn't move at all, you almost forgot they were there until you heard a voice.

you opened your eyes, acknowledging a man's figure next to yours. < i thought you'd need this > he repeated, offering you a can of some drink. you checked the refreshment, noticing it's your favourite zero coke. < much appreciated > you said, flashing a tiny smile to the man in front of you.

you both sat on the sand, facing the calm water of the sea, while drinking your cola. a couple of moments of silence passed, until the man broke the peace and quiet. < life's treating you like a bitch too, isn't it? >

you turned your head towards him. < you too? > you asked him. you'd lie if you said he didn't look as terrible as you did. messy hair, dark undereye circles, wrinkled tshirt... same vibes. you looked at each other for a moment and laughed. you were both at a dead end with life.

< do you come here often? > you were now facing the slight waves again. they were so subtle, you'd swear they were just shy. < only when my thoughts totally fuck me up > he replied. there was a hint of tiredness in his voice. < i thought this was just a me thing to be honest > you sarcastically added.

< what about you? > he continued, curious as to why you seemed so messed up. < they want to put me in a psychiatric hospital since as they say 'i am not willing to try to get better' > you replied half hearted. you had never opened up to anyone unforced. the nameless man in front of you was probably not the one you should talk to about such stuff, but it somehow felt like he was someone that would understand you to the bone.

< oh. > was all he said before he let the silence take over for some moments. < home feeds my overthinking tendencies and my anxiety. every day feels repetitive and as if there's no purpose in anything i do or try to achieve > he added emotionlessly. he definitely felt the same emptyness as you. it was obvious you were on the same page.

< how did you know i like zero coke? >

< i've actually seen you here before. it was on christmas eve, you had at least 5 empty cans by your side. >

you laughed miserably once again. < eating disorder? > he asked. < yeah. and a lot of other ones, but this is the main one to be frank >

he looked at you with the same empty look. you did so as well. < thank you for getting me that coke by the way. the zero calorie one. i really appreciated it. > you told him, a bit of gratefulness in your tone. he could tell you were genuine.

he smiled at you. a tired smile, but still a smile.

< i'm yuta >

< i'm y/n >

and seconds later one of his hands was cupping your cheek, lips softly sucking yours. you kissed him back, eager for something to feel, eager for a moment of love, even of you didn't exactly know the person that was offering the feeling you were so desperately in need of. it felt genuine, just like your words.

his other hand was caressing your back, making you feel warm under the cold winter breeze.

kissing an equally messed up soul on this january night when your life fell apart so abruptly would be your last memory. bittersweet, isn't it?

[whysojiminimnida]

jk in bed with jm "you're mine", then he changes room and go in tae's bed saying "you're mine". what a boyfriend (of?....i don't know, he has 2 boyfriends at this point)

Now there's a fanfiction for ya, anon. DISCLAIMER THIS IS AN ALL-ASK ANSWER AND IS NOT SPECIFIC TO THIS ANON OKAY OKAY ANYWAY HERE WE GOOOOO

Now personally I stan a poly king, I don't know your A/S/L (that's Old People Internet for age/sex/location) but as legal adults of as-yet-undetermined but definitely not 100% straight orientation, I'd say GET OFF THEIR DICKS AND LET PEOPLE LIVE.

FFS anon. You out here thinking Tae and Jimin wouldn't be getting it on if they wanted to? They absolutely would IF, and it's a really big IF, Tae was even into guys or Jimin was even interested like that.

But at no time before or since "get out of your imagination, it's not good there" has Taehyung EVER said he was into either of them like that. And if it was one of them it wouldn't be Kook. I MEAN SOULMATES OR WHATEVER Tae has to be all cool with everyone else but with Jimin he can let his derp face fly and let the pretty man steal his hat--

Meanwhile Jungkook will toy with y'all because YOU WANT HIM TO SO BADLY YOU SAY THAT SHIT IN HIS INSTAGRAM AND ON WEVERSE FFS you kids left boundaries back there in 2016 well before some of y'all knew what a tumblr even WAS. Oh sure. He jokes he giggles he flirts because IT IS HIS JOB and make no mistake HE IS AT WORK answering your asses, WFH is a thing, but sometimes he has enough because y'all literally cannot simply WATCH A VLIVE AND READ A ROOM.

At this point if you're NOT picking up what the Jeon-Parks are throwing down EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM then I honestly have to assume you are a virgin, stupid, or so repressed you can't see daylight. It's more than obvious to literally anyone who gets laid on the regular, goes outdoors and has friends. And it's beyond incomprehensible if you still don't get it. Honestly it's Theatre of the Absurd. Jungkook has to truly believe you're joking. HE HAS THE SUN (or perhaps a sunflower) TATTOOED ON HIS ARM WHERE A TIGER USED TO BE FFS. Like

do wish that Hangul made an all-caps version BUT IT DOESN'T AND WHY NOT I WANT TO KNOW but I digress. He did say this. Again. Fourth time in a row kids. And you don't think he gets fifty million Tae questions every time he goes live? He does. He only answers them when there has been a Meeting about Keeping It On The Low While The Exemptions Are Still In Legislation. Y'all think I'm kidding. I am not kidding. That happened.

Meeting or not, though, Jungkook is the man to tell you. Jimin is HIS. Not his, not heh-heh-that's-cute his, not we bffs casual his, HIS. Loudly. Dude bout yelled the airpods out my ears. And then goes on to play a little, flirt a little, give the fans what they want but eventually he has had enough. I mean y'all might not have noticed but THE VIDEO ENDED ON HIS TELLING PEOPLE OFF like damn, sir. We understand you are an adult. We got it. You're GROWN OKAY.

... And some of this fandom needs to get out of these men's assholes before they can't even get a proper colonoscopy because there's too many raging solo stans up in there telling a guy how to live. .

[p0ssywhippedcream]

HI HELLO ITS 🐝

Okok but making a Spotify playlist for Saichael of hidden gems and then telling him to wear the germanium ring next time you meet so the two of you can just enjoy some good tunes over some coffee jelly somewhere peaceful in comfortable silence, sharing your airpods. He’s actually experiencing surprise, but in the good sense- a luxury for someone with his powers. He’s not getting spooked by friends, not crashing into people, just the *good* kind of surprised that comes with hearing one good song after the next for the first time. You have…pretty good taste in music. He might ask for your Spotify password just to listen without ads.

(And then probably fuck up your algorithm after listening to the same artist over and over again LMAO just get him a membership gift card at this point)

Here’s your root beer float, bumblebee! 🍺🍨Love you sweetcheeks <3

You would 100% be thinking “don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it” while telling him to wear the ring the next time you guys hang out.

Saiki’s a little shocked by your determination to not think but he’s more invested in what’ll happen to be worried, he trusts you anyway. So the next day when you pop by his house with a giant back pack worsening your posture and a even bigger smile, he does get a little worried.

You take him to a nice park, it’s green everywhere and there’s a beautiful lake in front of both of you as you plop down on the grass. Then you begin pulling things out of your bag, many things.

It’s like watching 30 clowns come out of a teeny tiny clown car and just wondering “what the actual fuck” and since Saiki is subjected to needing to wonder, he happens to wonder that.

You lay out a blanket, two flashlights, a picnic basket you somehow fit into the bag, a portable charger, two water bottles, two pairs of headphones and you end up dumping a lot of crumbs out in your attempt to get the candy that had been staggered around the bag out.

You make sure both of you are sitting comfortably on the blanket as you begin pulling out snacks from the picnic basket. You place his favorites, coffee jelly, in front of him with your signature grin and then you scoot a little closer. You’re not quite touching but your thighs are within a few centimeters of each other, a very intimate predicament in Saiki’s opinion.

Then you turn to him and say, “I made something for you.”

And he says, “Where is it?”

And you pick up your headphones and inch ever closer to him, slowly opening them to give him a chance to say no. Your hot breath is on his face as you seat them on his skull, making sure they’re nice and comfortable before picking up your phone and handing it to him.

On your screen is a Spotify Playlist titled “Love with You” and following the title are many obscure songs he’d never seen before. He doesn’t know who the Front Bottoms are or who Martha Reeves is either but he clicks shuffle because what’s the worse that can happen.

…then Gary’s Song comes on and he lifts his head up to look at you with an unimpressed expression. You burst out laughing and he hears you over the SpongeBob song as you tell him it’s a joke song and the other songs are actually good.

So he continues listening and watches as you lay down next to him and eye the sun dipping in the sky. He hears music he’d never heard before, great song after amazing song after okay song and it’s incredible. He hadn’t really paid mind to your music taste before now but since he has a sample of it right in front of him, he has to and it’s really not that bad. Kind of sad and melancholic and a little bit concerning but also romantic in a way only music can capture, and you’ve found the music that captures it.

It’s also wildly romantic because even if it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, you took time out of your day to pack lunch, make a playlist, find a location and you fucking thought of him in your free time. You’d think him hearing peoples thoughts all the time would get old but he hardly ever hears a single selfless thought directed towards his happiness, it felt really nice.

And you looked really nice too, waving your flashlight up and down and making hand gestures in front of the light as you waited for him to be done.

Then he realizes the entire time, he’s been at peace. Nobody appearing out of nowhere or having a crisis that needs him to solve it or disrupting his moment all to himself. He wonders how you did it but doesn’t really care, he’s in even more awe of you though, you somehow found a way to keep his greatest nuisances away for a night.

And when he finally takes the headphones off and you look up at him, he sees a future in your eyes. He sees his biggest cause of joy. He sees love in your eyes and it’s directed at him and he doesn’t even need to hear your thoughts to know how much you’d do for him. He sees you willing to sacrifice the world for him in that moment that he makes eye contact with you.

It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. He should lay down next to you and say something about how kind you are.

He does, he lays down and looks up at the barely-there stars and wants to say something, anything to tell you how grateful he is for your kindness but nothing comes out. So he holds your hand instead, he laces his fingers into yours and feels your heartbeat. You feel like goodness.

All he can say is, “Thank you.”

And when you say, “Anytime.” He knows you mean it.

He remembers your account name in his mind and decides to go through your other playlists later, but for now, with a song of yours running laps in his head, he’ll enjoy the few minutes he gets to himself with you.

[call-me-aesthetic]

If Twisted Wonderland was an American Public School

WARNING: There are some slight sensitive topics that are featured in here! Reader discretion is advised!

Part 2 can be found here

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts:

- That one preppy girl who takes all honors and AP classes 😑

- Wants everyone to know that he’s becoming a doctor one day for his strict parents or he’ll dishonor the family

- Reminds the teacher about homework, knowing well that he’ll get slander for it

- Complains about how he got a 90 on his test or a B on his report card, a try hard much?

- Wears a cardigan with thicc but cute glasses since he’s one of those people with can’t see shit on the board so he has to move to the front of the class

Ace Trappola:

- The SoundCloud rapper, that’s it

- “Wanna listen to my mixtape? It’s pretty fire, my guy.” 😩🔥

- You will not miss him BLASTING out some song on his Bluetooth speaker, that shit be echoing through the hallways

- Tells you to stop what you’re doing only for him to either sing horribly or do a backflip, thinking that he’s so cool

- Wears a Supreme jacket with AirPods and waves on his head

Deuce Spade:

- Assuming that he’s still a delinquent, he’s that kid with the most fucked up school record

- Not much of a bully but will still talk shit to your face without caring, might even throw stuff at you during a lesson and you would be the one getting in trouble instead of him 🗿

- If he ever gets mad, it would be overdramatic like kicking the desks, punching the lockers, or walking out of the classroom unannounced and everyone would look at each other wondering wtf happened

- Covers the entire desks with drawings of skulls and those “s” if you know what I mean

- Wears Champion hoodies, wants you to know that he’s broke and rich at the same time

Trey Clover:

- The guy that’s not really popular but everyone knows him since he’s in all their classes

- Most people might have a crush on him because he’s REALLY nice 😳👉👈

- Gives off “older brother” vibes based on the way he looks and acts, like offering you a ride home if you beg ask nicely

- Secretly bakes creme brulee but doesn’t want to mess with the flow so he sticks to the status quo

- Wears the school’s hoodie just because he thinks it looks good on him, and the fact that he doesn’t know what else to wear

Cater Diamond:

- Hot Cheetos girl 🥵

- Has a whole buffet of food in his backpack and will not hesitate to eat them during a lesson, no sharing either sorry

- Excuses himself to the bathroom or full on skips class just to film a Tiktok

- Has about 100 followers on Instagram Magicam and brags about how he’s famous

- Wears a Thrasher hoodie with large hoop earrings and his hair in a bun

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar:

- The kid who flunked their freshman year that also sort of vibes with new classmates

- Always gets mistaken as a teacher by people since he looks and sounds old

- Knows the lessons but still fails them anyways, didn’t really give a damn either 🙄

- Captain of every sports club you can think of, never actually plays but has a lot of knowledge on them

- Wears the school’s letterman from years ago since it used to be his brother’s and that he’s too lazy to buy a new one

Ruggie Bucchi:

- That one kid who NEVER has money for the book fair or any other school event

- Always has to ask his classmates for some cash

- If he somehow does, then he’s one of those kids who buys Diary of the Wimpy Kid or the World Record books

- If he’s feeling cheap, he’ll buy the “cool stuff” like the chocolate scented calculator or fruit snacks 😭

- Wears oversized hoodies and basketball shorts that are clearly hand-me-downs

Jack Howl:

- That one athletic kid who’s both scary good and competitive when it comes to school games like football or soccer

- Literally the best player on his team and without him, they’re trash as hell 💀

- Tries his absolute best to support his teammates without yelling at them for how dumb they are

- “KICK THE FUCKING BALL! DO YOUR LEGS EVEN WORK?!”

- Wears the school’s jersey just to show off his “school spirit”

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto:

- The kid who sell snacks for “charity” but everyone knows he’s keeping the money to himself

- If you don’t have cash or try to negotiate with him, the only thing he’ll do is raise the price up

- “What do you mean you don’t have ten bucks? I can see it in your pocket.”

- Just bring nothing with you, he’ll doing anything to steal your stuff 🤭

- Wears a collar shirt with a tie and khakis that have pockets to keep his glasses and money in

Jade Leech:

- The kid who puts on a goody two shoes facade but is actually a stoner

- Only does “safe” drugs like vape but occasionally smokes weed, mostly in the bathroom or behind the school 🌬

- Can play it off and hide the scent when he’s high, teachers never suspect anything from him

- No one really cares to stop him unless he gets caught or something idk

- Wears clothing that either makes him look like a businessman or a junky, there’s nothing in between

Floyd Leech:

- The kid that’s plays basketball or volleyball just because he’s hella tall, and is actually good at the sports but doesn’t put much effort into them

- Always stays behind after gym, even though the teacher tries to make him leave for his next class 😬

- “I swear after this one shot, I’ll go to class.” *He never made that shot*

- Will jump you no matter who or where you are, and will get angry if you step on his new shoes

- Wears the jersey of any famous team with the latest pair of Jordan sneakers

Scarabia

Kalim Al Asim:

- VSCO girl at best, don’t lie to me now 🤡

- The only words he knows are “And I oop– sksksk.” and “Save the turtles.”

- Walks during a track meet while everyone else is running and sweating hard, the teacher doesn’t care either

- Doesn’t really do anything in gym but talks to his classmates and stands near the water fountain to refill his Hydro flask

- Wears tie dye shirts with cute scrunchies

Jamil Viper:

- That one quiet kid who everybody thinks is a serial killer but he’s actually not, I swear

- He just wants school to be over and spend the rest of his summer relaxing 😔

- Although he shouldn’t abuse his “power,” he‘ll move his hands in his pockets or backpack to make it look like he’s about to pull a weapon out.

- “Chill, I’m just grabbing a pencil.” *Everyone in the class started crying*

- Wears dark colored hoodies that intimidates people but are actually comfy

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit:

- The baddie popular girl 😌💅✨

- Arrives to school late with a Starbucks in hand from his local Target

- Fixes himself every 5 seconds like reapplying his lipgloss or spraying Bath and Body Works cherry blossom perfume

- Uses acrylic nails and long hair extensions as weapons during a cat fight

- Wears a crop top with ripped jeans and those clout sunglasses

Rook Hunt:

- That creepy guy in the hallways who tries to get your attention, even if you don’t know him

- Scares people when he says, “Ayo, where my hug at?” 🥶💯

- Uses at least 10 cans of Axe body spray a week after gym class, which stinks up the locker rooms

- Waves at you if he passes your class, even walking into the room just to say hi

- Wears literally anything but always include a hat

Epel Felmier:

- The artist girl who just wants to be alone 🧑‍🎨

- Purposely draws in front of you but pretends like you’re not looking

- If you complement him, he’ll just brush it off and proceeds to diss himself

- “Thanks but I’m not THAT good at drawing, teehee.” *Insert Radio Rebel face*

- Wears a hoodie or a cardigan with big pockets to put his art supplies in

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud:

- I don’t even need to tell you who he is, y’all already know ahaha 🥴

- Sneaks a whole PlayStation in his backpack so he can play with it during lunch

- Is on his phone 24/7 even in class to the point where teachers don’t care anymore

- Tries to get people into anime but only to little success

- Wears a shirt of any anime character or that damn ahegao hoodie, girl bye

Ortho Shroud:

- The nerdy kid who’s known for destroying others at many games

- Plays classics like D&D, Yugioh, Pokémon, the whole shabang

- Daily Beyblade battles during recess with everyone surrounding him, the menacing aura radiates off of him

- Will steal your things if you lose to him but gives it back a week later cuz he’s sweet 🥰

- Wears light up Sketchers shoes and those Minecraft shirts you find at Old Navy

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia:

- The theatre kid who also goes to band practice, change my mind 👁👄👁

- Takes his role seriously when it comes to school plays and concerts, even if he gets casted as a damn tree or doesn’t go solo

- Remembers the songs and their lyrics to any musical you name, a really good singer at that too

- Plays almost every instrument, you definitely know this since you can hear him down the hallways during a test

- Wears a white button up shirt, black pants with fancy dress shoes, and top it all off with a fricking Rolex watch

Lilia Vanrouge:

- The weird guy who pranks people and vandalizes school property in every way possible

- If you ever get a textbook with a message that tells you to go to a certain page only for you to found a picture of a dick, yeah that was him 😒

- When using a Chromebook, he’ll leave a tab open on YouTube so when the next person uses it, pray that your ears will still work by tomorrow

- During lunch, he is a literal DEMON that mixes milk with chicken nuggets together and having the audacity to eat it too

- Wears an oversized raincoat or a windbreaker but idk wtf kind of things he has hiding underneath

Silver:

- That guy in class who consumes Monster energy drinks and falls asleep 99% of the time but somehow manages to pass the class 🤷

- Whenever he’s awake, he’ll talk to the teachers since he’s basically friends with them for some reason

- Writes his name out of boredom on any desk you sit on but in different places, sometimes around the corners or the sides

- Has a sixth sense because he’ll wake up if you try to draw on his face and if you did get something on him, it’s on sight

- Wears those colorful hoodies that zips all the way up to cover his face with a matching backpack, it’s pretty cool ngl

Sebek Zigvolt:

- That kid who literally knows everything about historical wars and will show it off during class

- Also has knowledge on weaponry, which has people questioning him but he’s just very dedicated on serving his country and people

- Knows how to fight and defend himself from a bitch since he spent his summer at a military boot camp, put respect on my man’s name 😤

- Honestly a great partner for a group project, actually does the given work but not the whole thing for you

- Wears anything that has camo pattern and chunky combat boots

I only made this because me and my friends were talking about our school memories so yeah. This is based from my experience so they might not be exactly accurate. Might even be a part two if you want.