#And it's also all the people weve gathered since then

[gods-fear-what-cant-be-controled]

Found family is when my heart touches yours and they melt together really well. When we're close but haven't talked in a while but can pick it back up with ease. When you know what's in my heart and I know what's in yours. It's as gentle and small as a joke about how we're so family coded and as intense as everything shared and not shared between two people. Found family is when I look at you and smile and laugh and feel at ease for a little bit and decide I want to stick around. Found family is when I hold my heart out to you and you break off a little peice and carry it around with you no matter what happens or what happens between us. Found family is when our hearts touch and meld together really well

[nanistar]

may i ask why you hate mapleshade? like is it more of a fandom thing/author thing or do you just not like her character? sorry if thats a weird question lol

i think the idea behind her character is cool but the erins are the erins and they fucked it up imo. also the way the fandom treats any discussion about her and other characters in her book is so annoying i cannot stand going into the mapleshade tag on tumblr

which is a shame cause like i said, i really like the concept of her character and i feel like it had alot of potentional

not a weird question, i get it. i gotta start by saying i have no ill will against people who like mapleshade or even like the points i'm about to say. btw! sorry this is long i got really into it

starting chronologically (according to canon, not publication)(publication order is: all ivypool darkforest books (2011 and prev) crookeds promise (2011), great battle (last hope 2012, she permadies here) and maples vengeance (2015)

i actually really liked mapleshade's vengeance, all things considered. it comes last in the mapleshade storyline according to publication date, and up until then we really didn't know much about her, and i believe this is where she gets a personality other than "random DF lady" and "rude ghost villain". the erins are not good writers by any means, but i felt that mapleshade's internal monologue and the way she saw the world was genuinely pretty decent. they portrayed her as obsessive and manipulative and as an unreliable narrator. it was one of the first books i read upon returning to the fandom in 2018 and it was a thrill to read, because i hadn't been spoiled on it.

the erins have a habit of writing surprise/accidental pregnancies as plot points, which has the implication of like… flings/one night stands. it's best not to think about it. it's pretty obvious upfront that appledusk is not as in to her as she is in to him, but she doesn't see it. she talks about him in her narrations as a sweet and loving man and talks about their family and future together, but when we the readers finally see him, he's calloused and doesn't really care about her. i think she even sees him with reedshine at a gathering and gets mad before she thinks "oh he's just doing that so no one gets suspicious" (not quoting or anything, i havent read the novel since 2018) girl. their relationship was obviously just a fling to him, but to her they were in love. i liked the way this was written as opposed to all the other times in warriors weve seen a man have a hissy fit because a girl rejected him. (ashfur is the glaring example but also crowfeather, brambleclaw) her denial and refusal to accept what she was seeing (that she was the side piece) was the interesting part.

she has her children and then ravenwing spills the beans. why on earth would he do that? why would it benefit the clan or anyone? from a logistical standpoint, thunderclan lost 3 potential new warriors and mapleshade never implied she was going to riverclan. anyway, he didn't even have proof. he just assumed. i think he rightfully got what was coming for him, since if he would have kept his mouth shut, 7 cats including himself wouldn't have died. sorry mini rant i don't like him. anyway we know the rest of the story. kits die, maple kills ravenwing for telling her secret, she kills frecklewish for not helping (no, she couldn't have jumped in to save the kits without probably dying herself but she COULD have stood up for maple in thunderclan, and she was upstream so she could have yelled out and warned maple of the flood but im NOT getting into that and i dont care) and then she goes to kill reedshine but kills appledusk instead. did he deserve it? he was kinda a dick but mapleshade was like stalker-obsessed with him (i think she uses the phrase "my appledusk" in her narration but i might be wrong) after what was ostensibly a one night stand. perchpaw wounds mapleshade to the point where once she flees the scene, she dies of blood loss. cool

the story of a mothers love (and a mother's loss) is an age-old tale. in a franchise where all female characters are doomed to become boring cookie-cutter mothers, this loss and violent rage was awesome.

everyone told me to read crookedstar's promise, because it was the best super edition. i.. do not agree with that. tbh i thought it was long and boring and went nowhere. crookedstar suffered many tragedies in his life, and he lost everyone he loved, and then the book suddenly ends with him going "im ok (:" and dying. (i was reading a pdf and not a physical copy so it was VERY abrupt for me. i legit sat there like.. so that's it? i read 500+ pages for that?) i can't really blame mapleshade for this (since shes not real) but it does factor in. her idea of revenge against appledusk was to torture an injured baby? who then grew up and had no idea who the fuck appledusk was? why not raise him and give him the love he craved so that when the time came, he would be more likely to do her bidding?? her motives here make no sense. not super important. anyway.

and then she's seen occasionally in the dark forest and she tries to drown ivypaw for no reason once. idk she was obviously just a background character in these scenes (since they came first) but the fans saw a female in the dark forest and were like. thank god a woman. can you blame them. then the erins built her up from that.

anyway mapleshade has this generations long story of manipulating younger cats, and a POV book where she's obviously obsessive, controlling, stalkerish and chooses brutally uncommon violence as a way to get back at those who wrong her. (she unburies ravenwing's body so crows can eat it, and she uses adders to kill frecklewish, despite the fact the snakes could easily go for her.) she puts HERSELF in danger to do these things because she's impulsive, she justifies all her actions to herself by saying its revenge for her children and in the end, she pushes the last remnants of the kittens she thinks she's fighting for away. this is a cool story about a woman who's pushed to the edge and takes everyone down with her. for ONCE its not a man with deadwifepain.

and what does the fandom do

they girlbossify her. they fight over if she's in the wrong or not (she is. she killed people.) they take everything about her that made her compelling and turn her into "grr my husband cheated on me and me kids are dead. sad." she gets turned into the most basic, boring, cookie cutter "evil" lady. she kills people for fun and not because she had a reason to or a goal (in her mind). she suffers the most tragic kind of loss that there is and gets no time to grieve before she is run out of her home, and her reaction to this is pure RAGE, and the fandom turns her into this boring, slay QUEEN!!! (not the pregnant cat kind), always been evil, always been hardcore, ~So CrAzY~, "my eyeliner is sharp to stab men" girlboss. where's the nuance. where's the passion!!? she's a miserable, impulsive, manipulating failure. she blames others for her mistakes and bad judgment and punishes others for her shortfallings. she can't be vulnerable and broken, she can only cry because dead kids and then kill evil husband and evil husbands wife. she's even sometimes portrayed as like "boss" of the dark forest, wrangling all the men. barf.

so to answer your question, it's the general fandom* portrayal that i hate, but i honestly wouldn't trust the erins with her at this point. (the erins are influenced by their fans, for example (old person voice) back in my day, firestar and scourge being brothers was just a fan theory.) i'm glad they permakilled her in the great battle so they cant bring her back to ruin anything. actually thinking about her to write this out and reflect on why i don't like her made me sympathize for her. i like text mapleshade with a little bit of fanon sprinkled in for flavor.

and hey. usually when the fandom adopts a character, they're right. the fandom likes to get really in to random bg/side characters and give them lives they would never have in canon. but sadly (or not, depending on your opinion), when those get popular and breach containment, they spread everywhere and suddenly people think this IS canon. look at how many of us thought that brambleclaw killed hawkfrost directly after he killed hollyleaf, because that was the easy way to portray the great battle in MAPs, only to have someone point out, years after this has become the common sequence of events, that brambleclaw actually hunts him down, brings him back to camp, and then murders him POW style!!!

*btw. im in no way saying that all mapleshade-based projects or aus or whatever are bad, even if she is sexy girlboss in them. some of my favorite maps portray her like that.

anyway. TLDR:

everyone say "i'm sorry mapleshade"

[dangopango00]

ELIO INSANE PERSON RAMBLINGS AFTER DISSECTING SEEING THE LEAK

Pt. 1 because I have more to say somehow erm.

Theres basically no content for him but hes sosooo cuteeeeee

Context: In my head he is a fly he has compound eyes like the fly loswr he is

CW: Leaks maybe spoilers??

[ Design/Symbolism (IMG A)

OK FIRST OBSERVE FLY EYES; Theyre compound and have millions of ‘bubbles’ in them. So in my head on elio would represent the different “bubble universes” or rather the millions of possibilities that although generally the same, slightly differ with different choices and outcomes

ELIO IS ALSO AKSHUALLY THE FLY ON THE WALL that phrase represents him really well considering although hes the leader hes the one in the limelight the least out of everyone and just gathers info while making plans. Flies are also considered filthy and sly and bottom feeders n pests and as a stellaron hunter he gets the same treatment as well

[ Function (IMG B)

But besides the appearance the actual function: This is pretty good symbolism for what he sees bc not only does he see a wider range of possibilities than the average person but he can also notice even the slightest movements which is ofc the slightest changes in a scenario that makes the outcome completely different and about flies being able to see things at a quicker pace; I heard that when u swat at a fly they see it in like slow motion and this is pretty symbolic of elio since he sees FARRR into the future wayyy before its even close to coming to fruition

[ Theories (IMG C)

A silly lil hc theory i have bc of this fact and because his alias is “Destiny’s Slave” is that he cant rlly control seeing the future much kind of like a premonition..????? Idk but i like to play with how herta calls all the stellaron hunters lunatics and him a maniac bc like. Its a little true. Theyre all a lil bit cray cray from what weve seen but theres method to their madness so im like hm well elio must have his quirks SO seeing the future so often without wanting to has him a little bit (crazy person hand gesture) so i imagine its a little overwhelming when he suddenly gets a “premonition” like when he suddenly sees the future its a bunch of scattered possibilities filling his mind but when he focuses on it they can converge to create a “perfect reality” where everything goes the best way possible

Also theres so many different “paths” the future holds like it could be the future for that day or the fate of the world or even the fate of the universe so i imagine he was either made/given this power specifically to puppeteer this specific outcome or “story” but its a little draining to think of the big picture constantly or think about things the bigger they are which is why he makes scripts day by day or week by week (????)

I also think he gets like reminders kinda like little flashes into some specific aspects that although he has seen hasnt really focused on or been able to think of bc theyr pretty far ahead and his head is already full so it being so overwhelming, just slipped his mind to kind of create a whole “chain of events” URGGHHH THIS IS SO HARD I CANT TELL IF HES OMNIPOTENT OR LEARNING ALONG THE WAY

I also found it interesting that he told kafka that she and stelle would “change each other” it heavily suggests that maybe he can force the thought of specific scenarios OR MAYBE in his “perfect reality” he has an already decided script which he doesnt deviate from so he already knows what to say. Otherwise how would he know how vague or how exact to be about what he tells people

In the alt ending in the credits hes listed as screenplay director and the screenplay directors are the ones pulling the strings yeah but as another character in the story or “movie” that means he knows exactly what his part is too and is therefore another puppet to be controlled OU LET ME COOK 👩‍🍳🍔🔥

[magnoliamyrrh]

this is a stupid question but i've been wanting to get one of those traditional croatian tattoos on one of my arms for years even if i'm not croatian nor a christian. on my other arm i want a traditional romanian embroidery pattern (bc i'm actually romanian). what's holding me back is that i don't wanna offend anyone since i'm not from one of the east euro countries that practiced that tradition (afaik we've never had that here). anyways do you think it'd be a bad idea or not lmao

good question bc ive been contemplating the same thing for years fjdjdj. so

tattooing is something we had in the region; the dacians used to tattoo, including their faces, and so did the thracians, who the dacians may or may not come from. so its not a foreign practice to us by any means - i think you can definitely get tatoos of romanian motifs without it being any sort of problem, its something ive wanted to do too for a long time. as far as those croatian tattoos go, from what ive been able to find online, they werent practiced exclusively among catholic and croatian women, rather they were more widespread around the people of croatia/bosnia/yugoslavia etc. its unclear from what i can find if the origin is celtic or slavic, but either way, both of those cultures have certainly had an impact on ours as well historically.

among christian balkan, in this case particularly croatian, women these tattoos, and their survival in practice, was directly related to trying to keep the ottomans from kidnapping women and girls and forcibly converting them to islam - something which was a struggle in romania as well; this is why some of the tattoos have christian symbols, to remind the girls and women of their faith. and i do think its important to read up on this history and part of it, even though this wasnt their only and sole use and presence, and to take it into consideration. from what i gather, for many croatian women there tattoos are a point of pride, but also come from a painful history.

now. ive said before lol that i dont think cultural appropriation exists in the balkans and i think its kind of stupid for it to. in this particular context too, there is no power dynamic, as far as i know from history romania and croatia havent had a history of conflicts, in fact we have a history of pacts.;;; in the balkans we have all throughout history migrated, mixed, intermarriage, adopted each others cultures, traditions, religions, practices, etc. weve been doing this for thousands of years. personally, i think this is one of the beautiful things about the balkans; and im a pan-balkanist so im all about trying to get everyone in the balkans together and getting rid of the idea that were all separate neat little distinct ppl; we have a lot more in common than we have in difference. the idea of pure cultures or clear cut cultures around here is just unrealistic, its not based in history, and also, talking abt cultural appropriation in the balkans just sounds like woke nationalism

im not croatian neither catholic so, u know, my opinion only goes so far but. i reckon if it comes from a place of respect and understanding its not that big of an issue - hell you can probably go to croatia and get them done. if you live in romania i severly doubt anyone will give a shit, if you live in the west i severly doubt anyone will give a shit bc the westerners tend to know next to nothing about our cultures and they rarely can tell us apart anyway. i dont think its a particularly bad idea 🤷‍♀️

[savethepinecones]

visited some family yesterday here are some highlights

- apparently my mom didnt tell anyone i was coming??

- most of the people there were my most conservative relatives

- one of my uncles said something about me and he paused for a second and i could see him trying to decide what pronouns to use lol (he ended up misgendering me. hes usually supportive but he also doesnt want to get involved in The Discourse that would happen if it were addressed directly which like. i totally get. tbh not upset about this)

- the last time i saw my grandpa i kicked him out of his exwifes house because he showed up while we were cleaning it out after her funeral and was trying to poke around all her stuff. theyd been divorced for 40 years and he just. showed up?

- my mom didnt tell him i was gonna be there

- he disappeared after like an hour or two and was gone for like five hours. no one knew where hed gone or why hed left. the gathering was at his house

- hes got a huge yard and got my 13 year old cousin to mow the whole thing. cousin was excited because he got to use a riding lawn mower

- cousin took a break and forgot to put the blade down when he went back. everyone (minus gpa) was sitting on the porch talking. uncles tried to call to him that the blade wasnt down but he couldnt hear. a couple minutes later he figured it out and looked so defeated. literally put his head in his hands for a minute lmao

- super conservative uncle started using my preferred name!! got my number to send me some pictures hed taken and even double checked how to spell it. i consider this a huge win

- we played croquet and yall im actually pretty good at it????

- conservative uncle invited me to do some sightseeing with his family since my mom didnt want to go

- one of his kids kept talking to me. weve only met a couple times so i wasnt expecting this. this has happened a couple times lately with some cousins and every time im so surprised like wtf this child thinks im cool?? but apparently im popular with my cousins. no idea how that happened lol

- after my grandpa got back he referred to me as a young lady every time he acknowledge me. hes a passive aggressive fucker but i was at his house so i think i came out on top here

- conservative uncle deadnamed me and then corrected himself immediately. my grandpa then corrected him with my deadname

- after we left i mentioned the stuff hed said and my mom dismissed it as me being paranoid but when she heard he corrected my uncle she was like "oh yeah he was being shitty then" like yeah i knew that was gonna happen before we even got there idk why youre surprised but okay

- cool uncle had left before grandpa got back so my mom called him after we left to update him and complained about how my grandpa treated me. apparently my uncle said something about him being like that because of his generation. my mom replied that my stepdad is in the same generation and is great about my pronouns etc so its not because of that. proud of my mom for pointing that out

-conservative uncle and i actually get along aside from the whole him ignoring my pronouns thing?? not like we were talking about politics or anything but like i wasnt expecting the small talk to be so chill yaknow?

- i got v sunburned which is ridiculous because i was sitting in the shade all day

- oh also i got to meet cool uncles baby and he smiled at me yayy

- all in all it went way better than i thought it would!

[wishbowl]

i feel like this was important to share

I know i should write because i feel really productive about the future as of late and i know burn out is probably going to be just around the corner if i dont keep writing. So heres me doing that.

Its officially the day after my birthday [the real one] and i feel like there should be something i have to say for it but i really got nothing.

Instead lets talk about boys. So ive been going out to social gatherings [this is so fucking formal i dont know how to stop myself from sounding this way] and because of that ive been meeting people and people also include boys which is basically half the people ive been meeting. Because of this ive also added a few boys into my finsta just because thats secretly but not so secretly also my main. 

I dont know if i have a crush on this one guy or if he just looks good but weve been friends sorta in high school just because our people kinda overlapped but honestly back then i didnt like him as much but as hes gotten older he has also matured in a way where his annoying personality stayed while he became less of a cunt. 

And theres this other guy who ive ran into and i literally couldnt make eye contact with the entire time and one spoke two sentences since i was so flabbergasted. See the last time weve met which was a few months back, i had told his sister [who is my friend] that i had a crush on him in high school. And the thing is while that is true i also never really got over those feelings and when i told her she said her mum had thought that the entire time but she told her i was a lesbian so just on that alone i feel like she definitely told her mum which means he definitely knows and that thought alone was what kept me stupidly glitching the entire night.

Oh and theres this new guy who is actually not a new guy it just also fucking suprisingly happens to be a boy i had a crush on in high school but he was a few years older and he was way too cool. But hey if anything little me had great taste in my taste since all of these guys only seemed to have gotten better over time lol. I feel like he is dating someone or he definitely was but that was again in high school which was a million years ago. I wanted to get his socials but he had gone somewhere and i couldnt be fucked waiting. But lest we meet again eyesspose.

I feel like i should have clarified all of those guys that were previously mentioned i do not want a relationship with lmao IF FUTURE ME THOUGHT THAT GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER  SUCK MY HEAD.

Now do i want to fuck them? The second one is out of the question but i guess that still counts as an overall yes. But do i think they would be a good fuck? Yes, yes i do… Which is maybe why they should just stay in my thoughts since then i can live in that fantasy and not let the real thing ruin that image. That would be annoying for me and my vibrator to have to regroup while i find a new person to replace. 

I will say the first guy, i do gotta watch out for him because with the right things he could totally have me falling for him. Which is insane and dangerous. DANGEROUS.

But i did not realise simply leaving the house could do that to someone. You meet new people and remeet old people. Peopling can be hard but it can be a great look book to look back on right after if you play your cards just right. And by that i definitely mean be on drugs the entire time so you are god and everyone is like in love with you.

Speaking of I am currently on drugs but is weed a drug, its like, is a square really a rectangle?

xoxo

[shhh-no-ones-home]

party planning committee marcus moreno x reader

+++++++++

this is a story in four parts, youll see what i mean when you read it but i wasnt exactly sure how i wanted to do this at first and thats just sort of what i landed on. but i think it kind of works.

He asks for your help to plan missy's birthday party since he still really has no idea how to do the whole girl party thing

Song: island in the sun by weezer

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

i moved to knock on the door when i heard a loud crashing sound, startling me. i knocked quickly and loudly after that, waiting for a moment before opening the door.

"marcus?!"

i yelled, looking around the living room.

"missy?"

i asked, stepping further into the house. when i made it to the kitchen i sighed in relief, my hand going to my chest as i saw marcus stood over the sink with a mixing bowl in his hand, a few other stainless steel appliances strewn about.

"marcus?"

i asked lightly and he jumped, looking to me and breathing deeply.

"jesus y/n, you scared me."

he said shaking his head. i walked closer to the counter.

"i knocked but i heard a loud noise and got worried. im just glad to see youre not hurt."

i stated, turning one of the bowls upright. he shook his head.

"well my pride is a little hurt but im glad youre looking out for me."

he said, looking from me to the paper sat on the counter. i furrowed my brows, looking over the island to see what it was. i laughed when i realized he was trying to make a cake.

"marcus what are you doing?"

i asked, picking it up and shaking the flower off of it. he sent me a bashful smile.

"well, i was trying to make a cake for missy's birthday but i guess that ship sailed a while ago."

he said, looking around to the mess he had worked so hard on. i shook my head, waving my hand in the air and everything picking itself back upright, the empty bowls stacking together and the powders on the counter making their way into a pile.

"here, let me help."

°°°°°°°°°

"Okay, now that the cake is done, what else did you need help with?"

I asked, wiping my hands on the kitchen towel and looking to him expectantly. He sighed.

"All of it actually."

He said, shaking his head and walking to the table. I raised a brow and followed him.

"Marcus you make it sound like you've never had a birthday party for missy before."

I said with a laugh and he sent me a look, turning his datapad on.

"I know but I never did any of this, it was always her mom. And last year be both just agreed on no party, just take time to be together instead."

I nodded as I sat beside him.

"I know how much you both miss her, hell I find myself missing her sometimes too. She really was the best part of the team, even without powers."

I lamented, looking to my hands now folded in front of me on the table.

"I just wish things were easier."

He said and I nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure they'll get there, one day at a time. But you gotta work at it, like today. You've already successfully made a cake."

I pointed out and he laughed.

"Yeah, and without your help that probably would've ended very badly."

I laughed too, shaking my head.

"Baking really isn't for everyone."

I said and he side nodded, opening a planning sheet in his tablet.

"You can say that again."

He mumbled, turning it to show me.

"This is what I have so far, and everything she wanted."

He said and I nodded, reading through it.

"This is her twelfth birthday, and she's finally made more friends, thanks to the heroics program. I just want this to be a special one for her."

He said and I sent him a small smile.

"So, did she give you this invite list, or did you make it yourself?"

I asked and he looked at me funny.

"Both?"

He asked and I laughed a little bit.

"Okay, that's good, I guess. Cause it's her party so you want to make sure you're inviting people she likes to talk to and hang out with."

He nodded in understanding.

"Right. I did run it by her but i sent the cards out already, time wasnt really on my side for this one."

He said bashfully and I nodded once.

"thats Okay, it looks like you at least have a theme done. That's good. List of essentials. Oh okay. now let's look at what you have planned."

I scrolled down and stopped, sending him a look. So far he just had 'sleepover?' he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

"A sleepover?"

I asked and he shrugged, slouching a little defeated.

"Yeah I don't know. It just seemed like a good idea. She used to have them all the time. But again, I never really did any of that stuff."

I nodded, tapping the screen and deleting his idea.

"Here, how about this: a pool party. I know you're a master of the grill, you could invite all the heroic kids and their parents over and have a barbeque. The kids can swim. It'll be a good time."

I suggested and he nodded, a wide smile on his face.

"That actually sounds like a really good idea y/n."

He said and I sent him a knowing smile.

"we can run that by missy too, just to make sure, we only have a few days after all and we need time to notify the guests that weve changed things."

°°°°°°°°°

when the big day finally came i was awoken from my spot on the couch to missy jumping down the stairs excitedly, a wide smile across her face as she dug in the fridge for something for breakfast. i had spent the night to help marcus decorate and was definitely regretting staying up as late as we did.

"morning."

she said in a chipper tone and i offered her a smile as i sat up.

"morning."

i said a little groggy, looking back over to the stairs as marcus trudged down them too, a tired look on his face.

"morning."

he groaned, going straight to the coffee pot and pouring a cup. i laughed a little at him as i stood up, stretching out.

"ready to get cooking?"

i asked, pulling my sweater on. i hadnt expected to sleep over so i was still in the clothes i had worn over. he just sent me a look, missy eating at the table now and nodding quickly.

"why did we make this thing for one oclock again?"

he asked playfully and missy sent him a look.

"youre the one who agreed to the pool party."

she pointed out and he made an 'o' shape with his mouth, making missy and i both laugh as i joined her at the table.

"alright, let me go get dressed and then we will start cooking."

°°°°°°°°°

when the party was finally over and everything was cleaned up i looked to marcus, drying the last of the dishes and putting them away quietly.

"what ya thinking about?"

i asked, leaning into the island and watching him intently. he frowned at me for a second.

"do you think she really had fun today?"

he said, looking over to the couch. after all the guests had left missy had showered and changed, and after having aloe applied generously to her sunburnt face, fell into a deep sleep sitting on the couch. i smiled, remembering what she had said to me earlier when she came in to get a drink.

"well considering she thanked earlier for making her birthday a special one for both of you im gonna go with yes."

i said, him finally smiling back at me as he put the last dish away.

"she really said that?"

he asked and i nodded.

"it was mentioned."

he sent me a look.

"she had said that not only was she having fun, but she was just happy to see you enjoying yourself again too. all the heroics laughing and having a good time next to their kids also having a good time; you really made a difference today."

he shook his head.

"okay, and what about you?"

i raised a brow.

"what about me?"

"did you have a good time today?"

he asked pointedly and i sighed out a laugh.

"yes Marcus, i had a very good time today."

i confirmed and he nodded once.

"good, because i would feel so bad if you hadnt. youve helped me so much here lately, i think you deserve it the most out of all of us."

i shook my head at him amused.

"thanks, but i doubt that."

he swallowed hard, furrowing his brows.

"no no don't say that, you work twice as hard as the rest of us. i just wish you could see that."

i looked to the ceiling for a moment before standing up and stretching.

"well if thats true then i think i deserve some sleep. though it has been fun, it has been one long day."

he nodded once.

"want to stay the night again? you can sleep upstairs in my room tonight if you want, i think missy has kind of taken over your spot."

he said with a laugh.

"i probably shouldnt, i need to get home, i gotta get my mail water my plants, all that jazz."

he watched me with a light gaze as i gathered up my things.

"well, im glad you could come over. and if you want to come back tomorrow for lunch-"

"id love that marcus."

i said and he smiled at me, a small blush visibly rising to his face.

"its a date?"

he asked, walking to the door with me. i thought for a second and nodded.

"yeah, its a date."

i said, his smile getting wider as i stepped outside.

"ill text you what time ill be over."

"ill be waiting."

[abrakophile]

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE. 

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING  (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP. 

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

[nureyevv]

The Thief and The Secretary (...and the detective)

Juno Steel didn’t need to say he loved Rita. Sure, she got on his nerves from time to time but... she was also the most reliable person in his life. That had to mean something.

And Peter Nureyev? Well they’d finally patched things up, and yea, the situation still wasn’t perfect, but they were healing. Even just as a friend, it was intoxicating to have that eccentric, one of a kind man back in his life.

Those were two unwavering truths in a galaxy of uncertainty, but the reality of the first two statements did nothing to make the third fact any less prevalent.

Peter and Rita together? Seems good on paper, but in reality they produce a level of chaos previously unknown to man kind. In short, it was a lot.

So despite what Buddy and Vespa and Jet and... well all of them who said he was being to sensitive! He knew it was more than that.

Yea, maybe he was a bit put out when Rita turned to Peter instead of him to ramble about her shows. Yea, maybe he missed being Nureyev’s go to in a pinch— his partner in crime. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be rational. The two were a force to be reckoned with and he could prove it.

It started out innocent enough. Peter would paint Rita’s nails and do her make up. Rita would doodle on his arms with pens during mission briefings. And, of course, anything they did together seemed completely adorable— honestly the two could have robbed a person stupid and they wouldn’t even know. They’d be too caught up in how Nureyev stood two feet taller than Rita and she’d still found a way to snatch his glasses from his face.

The dynamic was simply too powerful and too unstable.

The thing about Rita was, no matter how level headed a person was, it was hard to say no to her. Even when Juno managed to be blunt with her it still felt like there might have been a bit of a yes in there. The thing about Nureyev was, despite his cool analytical demeanor, the man had a little crazy genius in him waiting to be let out.

They also both had a fondness for drama

This combination was nothing less than devastating.

Two weeks on the ship together and Rita had found that it was impossible to make enough popcorn for everyone on the ship with their microwave. Not enough space for that many bags. Now, if it were Juno he would have just taken turns. Sure it would have taken longer, but there was the same end result

Rita though... Rita wasn’t that patient. But she was also very smart. Smart enough to known the ships energy production system reached about the same temperature as the microwave, and smart enough to know how to get six bags of popcorn there.

And Nureyev? Well Nureyev was just slippery enough to get those bags where they needed to be.

Long story short, the ship had smelled of popcorn for weeks— not to mention Nureyev had nearly lost his eyebrows on the trip back down when one of the bags caugh aflame.

Juno liked those eyebrows, too.

For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out how two certified geniuses could get into so much trouble. And figuring things out was quite literally his job.

They talked about him too. Nothing bad he supposed, but it was still... frustrating.

Like- like he’ll be minding his own business and Nureyev will mention his pocket toothpaste, unprovoked

It’s none of his business if Juno liked to have emergency access to toiletries? It was sanitary!

And besides, Nureyev had pockets full of junk from the outer rim to the sun and back. He had no room to judge!

Oh, and, of course, there was the peter and Rita movie nights

Rita had just about every show in existence downloaded onto her comms long before they left mars, but the biggest screen on the ship was in the public sitting area just off from the kitchen.

Ever since the two of them had started hanging around each other it seemed like they were always watching something new. With Rita, it made sense. She’d been addicted to shows as long as he’d known her. Peter, though? Juno couldn’t see the appeal of watching a bunch of reruns for a master thief.

It didn’t matter— it was harmless in comparison to their popcorn related highjinks— and yet... well it was a lot of things.

Juno hadn’t got a good nights sleep in a couple days. THEIA was long gone, as was the misfigured shape as Miasma just before she was the victim of an unknowing suicide. He’d been moving on from all that, slowly but surely. In sleep, however, it was difficult to be in control of his mind.

When he closed his eyes he still heard voices sometimes, not exactly like when the Martian pill had still be in his head, but more of an echo of searching through others minds. He saw the face of Yasmin Swift and heard Ramses’s drawl. Bad dreams, that was all they were. He was never actually back in that blood sucking chair, but in the moment before he woke it sure felt like he was.

He was used to the nightmares— their intensity would fade and fluctuate in the months to come. He could handle that. For now he couldn’t help being a bit irritable. Lack of sleep always seemed to do that to him.

So sleep deprived asshole Juno was at the wheel when he stubbled across Nureyev and Rita having one of their usual movie nights a few days after they passed Saturn. Rita’s hair was in two tight braids, platted with Peter’s expert precision. Curlers were scattered across Nureyev’s own head, leaving Juno amazed that his hair was long enough to even hold them. They both sported green face masks that looked like just another skin care tip he didn’t know the first thing about. The biggest difference between the two was that Rita’s mask had pink salmon snack dust near the mouth.

“Y’ want wan?” Rita asked Peter, mouth stuffed full with crackers. Peter’s response came in the shape of a pained smile— one that said he’d fallen into that trap once and wouldn’t go back. He just had to find a way to put it nicely.

“I’m going to have to pass, unfortunately. I’d hate to deprive you your treat.”

Rita seemed to consider this and nod in agreement. “That’s a very good point, Mistah Petah”

By all means Juno could have just kept walking. The exchange was, admittedly, very sweet. With all his complaining, he had to say he was happy to see them both enjoying themselves. But then he caught sight of their film of choice.

Andromeda, the original. He knew the story well.

That was the last straw— Juno knew just about everyone in the galaxy had scene andromeda, but it felt... personal. Like they were watching his life story unfold on screen. It made his skin crawl, and, suddenly, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to know how this pair had gotten so close so fast. Some of the most impactful people in his life were gathered in that room. He had a right to know how it’s come to be.

“Alright. Fine. I’ll bite. Someone explain to me what’s going on here,” he snapped, harsher than he’d expected.

Peter raised an eyebrow at him. “Just passing the time, detective.”

“That’s not what I— I mean when did this even happen?” He asked, gesturing vaguely at the two of them. How did I miss it his mind added, silently.

“It’s a small ship, Mistah Steel, we were bound to cross pathes eventually,” said Rita with significantly less snacks in her mouth. They looked at him with that look they both shared— the one that said, even though he was being an asshole, even though they’d make him apologize later, they were more worried about him for the time being. How could two people so incredibly different look at him the exact same way?

“Juno... are you alright?” Asked Nureyev when he didn’t answer. He wanted to be angry, to let himself fester in the self pity of being left out. But then again, it seemed almost natural now.

Of course— of course these two would get along. After all, if they could put up with him, they could probably put up with just about anyone.

If Juno was being honest, they were two stellar picks anyway

He let out a groan and collapsed onto the empty space on the couch right in between them. “I can’t understand what I’ve done to make you encourage her like this. I can’t stand this show.”

“Boss, weve been over this— just cause your taste is the absolute worst and you hate everything universally loved doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way!”

Juno gave her an unconvinced look.

Nureyev chimed in: “actually, I have to agree with Miss Rita, I quite enjoy this— oh what was it called again?”

“Andromeda” answered Juno and Rita in unison.

“Ah, yes, Andromeda. We didn’t have anything like this in the outer rim.”

This seemed to catch Rita’s attention, her extensive movie knowledge kicking in. “Andromeda was a galaxy wide success, though. Surely you must have heard of it?”

There was a pause.

Juno knew Nureyev had never been in one place long enough to keep up with pop culture, and if he did stick around he wouldn’t have had the kind of spending money on him to see a movie. After that, he and Mag had been too busy trying to save the world to bother with things like that.

Rita, of course, hadn’t seen that side of Peter Nureyev. Juno thought he’d save him the trouble of explaining. “Rita the outer rim was ravaged by war. I doubt things work the same way they do on mars.”

This answer was enough to satisfy Rita. Nureyev, with a grateful half smile, nodded in agreement. “It’s a nice change of pace. I’m fond of this Andromeda, though. I can understand why she became to popular.”

Juno rolled his eyes while Nureyev continued. “Actually, now that I think of it, she reminds me a bit of you, detective.”

Rita snorted from beside him, finding the comparison immensely funny after all of Juno’s comments. She then descended into coughing, evidently having choked on one of her salmon crackers.

Juno... well he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He’d always seen Sarah Steel in Andromeda— in all of North Star’s shows, really— but ever since he had his eye removed things had been different. Not exactly better. Knowing what he did now wasn’t easy, but it also left a lot less room for being bitter over twenty year old mistakes.

And now that Peter pointed it out, he thought he could recognize a bit of his brother in Andromeda, too. They said to write what you know, and Sarah had known her boys, at least back then.

He glanced at Nureyev to his right and Rita to his left. A few months ago, thinking about the old days would have sent him spiraling into a whole abyss of Things He Didn’t Want To Think About. But now? He felt strangely ok.

“You know... it has been a while since I’ve seen it. Maybe I’ll stick around.”

Rita nearly spontaneously combusted at that sentence. Peter smiled softly in that knowing way. “You know, I believe I have an extra face mask, too, if that sounds alright.”

Juno thought that sounded pretty good.

[chocojjk]

Eggs

summary: badboy! changbin if you squint 

words: 7k

warnings: one mention of death by illness

a/n: this took way too long cause i got so lazy lmfao, slide into my inbox with prompts cause idk what to write after this 

not edited per usual, im lazy :(((

you and changbin lived in different worlds

changbin has always been the schools most notorious bad boy

along with his group, 3racha

he was the typical bad boy -- gets into fights, wears leather, barely shows up to class, etc.

after watching countless of rom-coms, you and i, reader, should know that bad boys like to keep to themselves

and they won't bother you unless you cross their territory, not at all different from changbin

someone bullies one of his friends???

you might as well run now , because he will be coming for your ass

he catches you talking shit?

you should probably say goodbye to your mouth and have a doctors appointment ready

the point im trying to make is that seo changbin does not take shit from anyone

which doesn't really matter at this point because everyone has learned to fear him

on the other hand, you're, what they say is a “good girl”

too caught up with your books and your grades, in the library 24/7, worrying too much about the future you envision

you stayed away from drama as much as possible, happy with the 2-3 friends that you have  

and,,,

well,,,

you probably saw this coming,, but just in case you didnt, ill say it

your two different worlds are about to collide

---------------

youve been searching for a little over 20 minutes to where he could be when you finally spotted him at the table all way in the back of the library

you let out the deepest sigh, you shouldve figured he would choose that table jfc

‘he really is sticking to his reputation’ you think to yourself as you made your way over to him

“hi, im y/n, i'm your tutor,” you say, giving him a soft smile

changbin doesn't even bother to reply to you as he got up and left

you were left standing there like,,,

what the fuck just happened ??

before you finally snapped out of your confused trance and chased after him

catching up to him you grab his arm, putting a complete halt to his movement

and suddenly the library was even quieter than it should be

every single eye in the room focused on the interaction that lies in front of them

the notorious bad boy and the goody two shoes,,, how incredibly cliche

he looks at you, his eyes dark and unreadable

the expression on his face was emotionless yet it felt like he was crushing you under his stare

finally noticing that your hand was still gripped around his arm, you quickly let go, letting out a small “ehem”

the tension in the air was thick, it felt like someone just put a dark cloud above your head and you couldn’t blow it away

god damn this was awkward

not even the good awkward where you can laugh about it later, this is the kind of awkward situation that hits you in the middle of the night and suddenly you're just cringing at every bad thing you have done in the past

“uhm, im suppose to tutor you,” you try to say confidently as soon as you found your voice, but really it was barely above a whisper

“maybe show up on time,” he says, his voice as dark and as strong as his aura

and with one final look at you, he walked out of there

you didnt bother anymore, you knew you were at fault

‘we’ll try again tomorrow,’ you think to yourself before your best friend, hyunjin walked up to you, pulling you outside the library  

“dude are you okay?”

“uhmm, why wouldn’t i be?”

“i just saw you talking to changbin”

“ok and ?”

“he’s bad news y/n,” your best friend says, warning you

“ i dont really have a choice hyunjin” you reply

you think back to 3 days ago when you were called to the principal's office

not gonna lie, you were shaking in your boots,, only bad kids get randomly sent to the principal's office

as you entered the room, Mrs. Seo was already waiting for you behind her desk

“hi ms. l/n, i dont think weve formally met,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand

“ its nice to meet you”

“ please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” she continued, pointing to the seat right in front of her

sensing your nervousness she quickly added a, “don't worry, you're not in trouble”

phew

your brain was starting to hurt from trying to rack what you must have done wrong to be seated in the big office

“ why am i here then if you don't mind me asking?”

“ ah yes, i need you to tutor my son”

,,,,,

oh

(◎_◎;)

,,,

“umm, why me?”

“you're top 1 in the class, is there anyone better than you to do it?”

well,,, she wasn't wrong

you mentally pat yourself at the back for this, happy that your efforts were being noticed

“don't worry ms. l/n, if you succeed, i’ll make sure you get into any college that you desire “

‘pshhhh, im top 1 ms seo, i can do that on my own’ you think to yourself 

“....and fully paid for.”

well, shit , how can you say no to that offer

its literally free education right in your fingertips  

what's the catch??

“ you can do that?” you ask

“ of course. i know very important people. so what do you say?”

and after a few minutes of contemplating within yourself, you finally agreed

“ also, while you're at it, i want you to change my son's reputation.”

and there it is

“ i'm sorry?” you reply,, maybe you just misheard the fact that she literally asked you to change her son

“ i don't just want you to tutor him in english, i want you to make him a better person.”

“how do you expect me to do that?”

“be his friend. teach him the ways of life, i'm not always gonna be around to get him out of trouble. You're a smart girl ms. l/n you'll figure it out.”

without giving you a final say, she ushered you out of there but not before she added

“ one last thing ms. l/n, dont tell anyone about this.”

the way she said it was so scary, and its like a spell was casted on you and you could only utter out an

“ of course mam”

i guess from her standpoint, she made sense

“ i just dont understand why Mrs. Seo chose you out of all the people”

“ we’ve already gon over this hyunjin”

“ yeah yeah, its cause youre the smartest of the class-”

hyunjin continues to talk however you’ve tuned him out as your eyes went to focus on changbin, himself

greeting the rest of his friends, an actual smile on his face, much different from the changbin you encountered a couple minutes ago

he gets up on his motorcycle and was about ready to put his helmet on when he felt someone staring at him ( i told yall, tYpiCAl bad boy )

he whips his head around in quick search for the culprit

and for the second time that day, you found yourself looking in the dark brown eyes of the the one and only, seo changbin

his smile quickly disappearing once he found your eyes

putting on his helmet whilst still maintaining the eye contact, he quickly drove away and you can't help but continue to just watch his figure retreat to the size of a dot until he was completely away from your line of vision

the next day - friday

you were in the library, seated in the table changbin used the day before

unlike yesterday, you were there dummy early

exactly 30 minutes before the actual tutoring session

he wasn't going to get away this time

finally , the chair across from you gets occupied, a backpack loudly flopping its way unto the table

he doesn't say a word,

he doesn't even look at you

he just sits there, staring at the table between you guys

“uhm, i think we got on the wrong foot yesterday, im y/n”

you say, a wide smile on your face, trying to change the atmosphere

he scoffs at this

‘omyfuckinggod who does he think he is’

‘im gonna fucking murder this kid’

‘his mom was right when he said he needed to change’

as much as you wanted to just punch him in the face, you plastered a small smile on your face instead

“should we start?” you continue

“i guess”

for the next hour, you learn that changbin doesn’t even need tutoring

he was definitely smarter than he lead on

he knew the answer to every single question you asked and didnt even seem like he was trying 

“uhmm, changbin can i ask you something?”

he just nods at you, urging you to go on

“are you failing your class on purpose?”

and with that he stands up, giving you a small smirk, “i think this session is over,”

“i-okay- i-i’ll see you on monday!” you say even though he was already a good 5 feet away from you  

-----------

as you laid in your bed that night, you wondered why the boy chose to fail his class

but no matter what scenario you could think of, you just cant understand it

is this what privileged people do ?

they know that they can get away with anything so they dont even try ?

‘aish, why am i thinking about him,’

‘y/n stop it’

‘ahhhhh’

you tried forcing yourself to sleep, to completely shut off all thoughts

but damn that stupid smirk on his face just keeps reappearing

and with that you slapped your pillow unto your face, not at all excited for the days to come

saturday night - 9 pm

to be honest, you weren't the type to go out on a saturday night

however you stayed in bed the whole day binging your netflix shows that you completely forgot to run your errands

so now you're here, at the local supermarket, buying your weekly groceries

you may be asking why can't your parents just do it?

well,,,

you only live with your mom, and she was very busy running the night shift at the hospital + picking up extra shifts

so she's really never home 

and when she is, she crashes right to sleep, exhausted from work

so ever since two years ago, when you turned 16, this has been the life that you were used to

you weren't complaining of course, she was only working to provide for you and your future

the least you could do is help around the house

after a good 7 minutes, you finally gathered everything that you needed

eggs, check

bread, check

peanut butter, check

a bag of hot cheetos,,,, check check and check

you nodded, proud of yourself for finishing it so fast and made your way to your car until a loud crash stops you from doing so

the next thing you know, you were being dragged into the alleyway

“1!!!!1111! I- get off of me,” you say thrashing and kicking, trying to get away

‘oh god, im gonna die tonight,’

‘if there is a god out there,, pls,,, not tonight’

‘i haven't finished my netflix series yet,, plssss’

however your thoughts were cut short when your captor whispered, “shhh, its changbin”

changbin??

chaNgbIN???

chANGBIN???

he finally turns you around, making you face him

“play along if you don't want to get hurt,”

and in one quick motion, his lips were on yours,,,

seo changbin was kissing you

your eyes open, stunned at what was happening

and then you noticed it...5 men walking around the area

and hoping that you've watched the right dramas, you pieced together what you think is happening

leading you to closing your eyes and kissing him back

which honestly caught changbin off guard, “good girls” dont react this way???

but he’d never let you know that, as he pulled you closer to him,

his arms snaking  around your waist

your hands going around his neck, the grocery bag being forgotten

yall were full on making out now

too caught up with each other’s taste to even notice the 5 guys leaving

(((im really bad at writing these kinds of scenes jfc, this sounds awkward as hell pls just picture it)))

until finally after like 23823 years, you pulled away, trying to catch your breath

damn, that kiss was good

probably the best one you’ve ever had

what????

just cause you're a goody-two-shoes doesn't mean you haven't been kissed before okay,,, were not going THAT cliche

he slowly lets go of you, his eyes darting to the grocery bag on the ground

“your eggs are broken,” he says

“m-my eggs?”, you reply, still on cloud nine,

following his gaze, you snapped out of your daze

“oh, r-right, my eggs,” you say softly, a frown making its way upon your face

changbin grabs your hand, pulling you towards the grocery store

“what are you doing?”

as usual, he doesn’t reply

honestly, you should be used to this by now

he dashes around the supermarket

you were right behind him, trying to keep up with his fast paced speed

finally, he gets to his location, the egg aisle

“which one do you want?”

“what?”

“eggs, which one?” he replies

“uhm, you don't have to, i can ju-”

“i'm not doing this for you,” he replies, cutting you off

you looked at him , not knowing what he meant

‘if he wasn't doing it for me then who the fuck is he buying these eggs for, i don't see anyone else here’

sensing your dumbness he grabbed a carton of the most expensive eggs and made his way to the cashier, pulling you along  

and you don't know why, or what has gotten into you, but all you could do was watch and follow

“here. were even now.” he says, before walking away, leaving you in front of the grocery store, holding a carton of eggs

monday

and now we’re back to the start of the week

which means another week of tutoring

as you waited for changbin to show up at the usual spot, you can’t help but think back to two nights ago

the feeling of his lips against yours all a distant memory yet at the same time, one that you could still remember clearly

“hey,” changbin says, breaking you out of your thoughts

“hi?” you reply, confused as to why he even greeted you in the first place

you guys do the usual, read a couple of flash cards, learn new words blah blah blah and all that boring crap that you learn in a high school English class

at one point you guys find yourself just sat in silence, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s been on your mind since Saturday night

“so who were those guys?”

“doesn’t concern you”

“uhm, the fact that you had your tongue down my mouth says otherwise,”

changbin was shocked, he wasn’t used to people responding to him the way you just did

don’t you know who he is???

he gives you one of his signature smirks, regaining his composure

“you liked my tongue being down your throat,” he says teasingly

o_O

＜(。_。)＞

excuse me what

is he flirting with you ??

what’s happening ??

“who said I did?” you say mimicking his tone, not allowing yourself to back down of this conversation

after Saturday night you told yourself that you were never going to just watch and follow

if you didn’t want the damn egg, you should’ve said something, you were so disappointed in yourself

you had your own brain, you can make your own decisions

besides you were here to be in control over him, not the other way around

“oh cmon, you’re really gonna try to refute it??” he says, the stupid smirk still evident on his stupid face

god, how you wish you could just smack it off

with your mouth

wait, who said that???

“you enjoyed it just as much as I did,” you say, knowing that if you answer then he would stop

and you were right, he completely shut his mouth and let the silence envelop you once again

“they were kids from another school,”

you look up at him, shocked that he actually answered

“why were they looking for you?”

“I may have keyed their car,” he says chuckling

“Because?”

“Isn’t that enough questions y/n?”

y/n

that was the first time he’s ever said your name

and you weren’t gonna lie, you liked how it sounded

“sorry”

“it’s fine”

“i don’t want to question it but why are you being so nice?”

“you helped me out without questioning me which means you trust me. im just returning the favor.”

“so, what im hearing is , you trust me?”

<(￣︶￣)>

“don’t make me have to say it out loud”

trust

you don’t know how you did it so quickly,

maybe the gods are at your side, but you finally got thE seo changbin to trust you

2  weeks later

you’ve been tutoring changbin just the same

same time

same table

same library

however, so much has changed

mostly the dynamic of your guys’ relationship

it was like he was a totally different person

like I said before, changbin was smart

but in these last couple of days, you realized just how smart he actually was,

he can honestly probably give you a run for your money

and because of this, your past tutoring sessions have ended up with you guys just laughing and joking around

weird, right ?

changbin and laughing ?

who would’ve thought ??

even onlookers were surprised

and everytime changbin laughed at one of your guys’ silly antics, you swear you can hear a pin drop

the whole room just becomes silent

at first, it bothered you how people were just listening in to your conversation, obviously judging the scene

but as the days went by and it seemed that changbin could care less, you started not caring either

and if you were being completely honest, you looked forward to spending time with him

when changbin was with you, it was just you and changbin, nothing else

he somehow manages to make you forget about reality

“lets ditch tutoring sessions today,” he says as soon as he took the seat next to you

“changbin, no”

“c’mon y/n, live a little”

“excuse you! I do have a life!”

“making out with your homework and watching Netflix shows 24/7 is not a life”

“okAy, now you’re just being mean,” you say, pouting at him

“im not being mean, I’m being honest,”

“yeAH and?? no one asked for your honesty,”

changbin laughs at this

lately he found himself laughing more

and for once, he didn’t mind it

you were doing something to him

and he liked it

“cmon, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says, packing up your things

you sigh in defeat

you know that once changbin sets his mind to something, there's no changing it

so here you are, standing in front of an abandoned music building

“uhhhh, what are we doing here?”

“have you ever trespassed before?” he replies, a smug smile on his face

“nu-uh nope, no way in hell changbin!” you say, your attempt to stop this from happening

however, changbin was already making his way towards the door, completely breaking the lock

aannnndd

he was inside  

“c’mon y/n,” he says reaching out his hand to yours

even though all you need to do is take two steps forward and you're officially a criminal

you were scared shitless

what happens if you get caught omg

almost like he was reading your mind, he quickly says, “y/n, ive been here over a million times and ive never gotten caught,”

“i dont know changbin”

“hm, thats too bad, i wanted to share a secret with you,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice before he stepped out of the building and made his way towards his motorcycle

but of course,,,

you being a nosy bitch

“wait,”

“yes?”

“lets go inside”

you guys enter the building, the rooms getting darker and darker the deeper you go (this building is huge okAY)

if you weren't shitting your pants before, you definitely are now 

an abandoned building???

and its dark???

youve seen this in every scary movie out there

it never goes well

“uhm changbin,” you whisper, as you guys continue to walk

“hm”

“i-um can i hold your hand? im scared and - actually you know what its fine its dumb you dont hav-”

but before you can even finish your sentence, his hand were already laced around yours, providing you the comfort and security that you were looking for

you shut your mouth after that, just letting changbin lead the way

passing by so many rooms, each one looking the same as the other, it was starting to feel like a maze

however , changbin seemed to know exactly where to go

‘I guess he has been here over a million times’ you thought to yourself

“were here,” he says, opening the door and letting go of your hands as he reached out for the lights

not gonna lie, you were missing the way his hand felt around yours but thats not the time to think about that

“a music room?” you asked, clearly puzzled

“yeah, you might not know this about me but i can spit barsss,” he says, letting out chuckle

“eyE”

“you dont believe me huh”

“absolutely not”

“ok, watch this”

and with that he entered the recording booth, of course not after he pressed a bunch of buttons

honestly , you have no idea what he’s doing

but as soon as he put the headphones on

*cue any 3racha song because im too indecisive to choose one*

he was,,

indeed,,,

spitting bars

you could not believe your ears

who the fuck is this

you stood there, stunned at the fact the he was rapping about real shit and not something stupid and meaningless (rip wow, she is meaNinGFUL to me okAY)

after he finished rapping, the room was absolute silent

changbin felt dumb, he thought you were gonna praise him but there you were not uttering a single word,

he need you to say something ,anything,, hell, you can even laugh

he’d prefer anything over the silence  

he’s literally the ‘i just showed u my dick pls respond’ meme but its like ‘i showed u my talent pls validate me’

avoiding to make eye contact with you, he walks out of the recording booth

sitting on the couch against the wall, he finally breaks the silence

“so yeah, thats a song my friends and i wrote, its stupid-”

“its not stupid.” you say quickly

“oh?”

“since when where you into this?” you ask, curiosity filling your eyes, taking the seat right next to him

“what do you mean? music?? everyone’s into music y/n” changbin retorts, not wanting to go into detail

“hhhh, you know what i mean changbin,”

changbin doesnt know why

but he wanted to share this side of him with you

maybe because you were the first person that he has ever allowed himself to be close with

or maybe it was because you stuck around him for this long, no one, besides chan and jisung were able to do that

whatever it was, he wants to keep you by his side

he figured that showing you his true self would do just that

so after having a battle with his inner thoughts, he finally says

“my dad was really into this stuff, he taught me everything i know,” changbin beamed

“oh! thats really cool, do you still make music with him?” you say, genuinely interested, youve never really heard about his dad before

“uhmm, hes not really around for me to do that,”

aaaannd,,, thats why,, god reader smh

“oh, im sorry,” you say softly, mentally slapping yourself

“no its okay, you didnt know….he passed away when i was 11”

“what happened?,,,, y-you dont have to tell me if you dont want to,” you quickly added

“I want to,” changbin says, reassuring you

“he just,,, he just died in his sleep, apparently it was a stroke,” sighing, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back his tears

“you must miss him,” you say, your voice still soft

for the first time since youve met changbin, he resembled a piece of glass

so fragile

he was giving you a piece of him, letting you see clearly a part of who he was

and all you wanna do is make sure that you won’t break that piece

“he built this studio...wanted to start his own music company,” he continued as you sat there just listening to him

“my mom hates it though, she stopped funding this place as soon as she can,”

oh

the mention of his mom suddenly brought you back to the deal that you have made 2 weeks ago

and god, you felt guilty

you were here, trying to change him, when nothing should be changed

sure seo changbin had a bad reputation but he is not bad

he’s just protective is all

to be honest, he was one of the kindest, gentlest soul you have met

“i promised myself that i would continue our dream, for him and me, but mostly for him,”

“i-is that why youre failing your classes?” you ask, everything finally piecing together

“huh?”

“you dont care about school because you already know what you want to do...where you want to be”

“hm, you truly are a smart girl y/n,” he says before nodding and flashing you a smile

those words

so similar to the ones his mom has given you

but this time you weren't in the mood to pat yourself in the back

because shit, this is thE dumbest thing you've ever done in your life

after hearing this, you made up your mind, you werent gonna partake in this deal anymore

if you were really as smart as everyone says, you can get into the school you want without any problem

sure it won't be free, but your mom aint working her ass off during her nightly shifts for nothing

and so, right when you go to school tomorrow, you were determined to end it

you’d still tutor changbin, you just won't accept any of the perks that came along with it

“thank you for sharing this with me,” you say genuinely, a smile creeping unto your face

“thank you for caring enough to listen,” changbin replies, his smile getting wider

and then it hits you,

“wait, so you mean to tell me that this is YOUR studio all along??”

and at this changbin lets out the loudest laugh

and you can't help but mirror his actions

1 week later

oof, that time jump, i thought you were gonna end it the next day reader

welp,,

you work hard, but somehow satan, aka the author, works harder

Mrs. Seo had to leave for two weeks, attending board meetings around the country, and whatever principals do,,, i'm too lazy to research what they actually do  

╥﹏╥

and so you spent another week, with seo changbin by your side

one week down, another to go

and when that day comes, you can finally freely hang out with him without all the guilt eating you up

this week you guys even hung out outside of the library

you’ve been with him so much, even your friends have started to notice it

“y/n, are you coming with us to the movies,” felix asks

“oh,, umm sorry guys, i cant,”

“who else are you gonna be with? i thought we were your only friends,” minho pointed out, a pout on his face  

“with changbin of course,” hyunjin hissed, obviously upset that you have been pushing them to the side  

“ i can hang out with anyone that i want,” you argued, really not having any of his attitude 

“ you shouldnt hang out with people like him,” hyunjin retorted

you scoffed, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean blink once if youre being held captive” hyunjin joked, as the rest of the table snickered

however, you didn't find it funny,

who were they to talk about changbin like that??

they didnt even know him

and so you stood up, leaving all your friends calling out for you

-------------

walking to the table, you flopped down on your chair, slamming your backpack on the floor

“what's got you in such a bad mood?” changbin asks

“nothing,” you huffed, getting your materials out of your backpack

you didn't want to tell changbin that your best friends think hes the devil himself and didn't want you around him

meanwhile , changbin was annoyed

it seems like he's shared so much with you since the music room yet he still barely knows anything about you

he wondered that maybe you didn't want to be in his life the way he wanted to be in yours

but fuck it, he’s just gonna spend the time he has with you enjoying it rather than filling his mind with negative thoughts

but damn, you're frown was really bothering him

“y/n,” he says, calling out to you

no response

“y/n,” he continues, poking you on the elbow

still no response

“y/n”

You sigh, looking up at him, an emotionless expression on your face, you responded with a strong, “what.”

*insert changbin doing aegyo*

and with that , you lost it

you were an absolute madman

you never expected that the one and only seo changbin

notorious badboy

would ever do aegyo

all because you had a stupid frown on yourself

you laughed so loud

changbin doing the same as soon as your melodic laugh hit his ears

which resulted to you guys being kicked out of the library

-------------

“ i cant believe you got me kicked out of my favorite place,” you say, seated in a booth inside the ice cream parlor near your guys’ school

another one of changbins ideas

“ hey its not my fault you laugh like a hyena!” he says smiling before you threw a curled up paper tissue at his face

a couple of seconds later, after your laughter has died down

“ so, you want to tell me now why you were in such a sour mood?”

you knew that if you werent gonna tell him now that would still end up finding out about it from someone else

and so you came clean

“ its just my friends,,,, they dont think youre a good influence, wants me to stop hanging out with you” you say

“ oh,”

“ but dont worry!, i didnt listen to them, i actually told them off,” you confessed

“ why didnt you listen to them? theyve been your friends longer than youve known me?” he asks

“ because they dont know you” you reply, “and im sure if they did, they would also be friends with you”

as much as he appreciated the way you stood up for him, he didnt want you going through all that trouble 

‘god, what did he even do to deserve an angel like you,’ changbin thinks to himself 

“ don't tell them off next time,” he grunted

“ wh-what?”

“ everything they say about me is true”

“ changbin, no its not”

“ honestly y/n it doesnt bother me so dont let it bother you”

“ why doesnt it bother you?” you ask, wanting to know the reason

“ because its high school. after this, literally no one would care anymore. and then real life starts, people move on and worry about bigger things, things that actually matter more than the status quo. let them say what they say.”

and just like every other time, changbin has left you stunned

the arrival of Ms. Seo - tuesday 

a week has passed since the ice cream parlor

and Ms. Seo was back in town

this was it

the day you finally put a halt to it

and you were beyond ready

you haven't seen changbin all day

you figured that since his mom was back then he was also back to avoiding the school like it was a plague

you entered Ms. Seos room, determined

“Ms. Seo -”

She puts a hand up to her lips, signaling you to be quiet

‘bitch omygod i literally cant keep doing this any longer,’

‘its already been over a month’

so you ignored her warning

“im not doing this deal anymore. I’ll still tutor changbin but I won’t change him,,,, and you can keep your stupid money,” you let out, releasing all the bottled up emotions

“is that all,”she replies

“yes”

“then you may leave”

what???

it was that easy????

you thought she was gonna stop you, force you to hold your end of the bargain

if you knew it would’ve been this easy then you wouldn’t have worried over it so much

but you don’t know a lot of things

and you certainly didnt know that changbin was on the other line

later that day

you’re seated in the library

usual place, usual time, waiting for the one and only seo changbin, yet he never showed

you didn’t think much of it

‘maybe he just forgot’ you tell yourself

the next day - wednesday

here you were again, waiting for him

still nothing

you try and think of reasons why he wouldn’t show up two days in a row and can really only think of one - maybe his mom told him that he didn’t need tutoring anymore?

but surely, he would tell you

right ???

sure you guys started off on the wrong foot but you were friends now

at least you thought so

you decided to just give him the benefit of the doubt

‘maybe he’s just busy’

2 days later - friday

you’ve tried everything you can do to get a hold of changbin

all your calls went straight to voicemail

texts were left on delivered

you didn’t even see him around school anymore

it was like your worlds never collided and he was never a part of yours

you were starting to get worried, what if he got himself into trouble

“look who decided to show her face,” hyunjin comments as you took the seat next to him

ever since the day you guys had your argument, you have never been able to talk to him about it

“im not in the mood,” you reply,

hyunjin sensing that you were exhausted,

“hey,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“y/n please, we’ve been friends for over 3 years, you don’t need to lie to me”

“aren’t you mad at me?”

“no. im upset that you’ve been pushing us to the side for your little boy toy but im not mad,” he says giving you a soft smile

hhhhh, it was times like these you remember why he was your best friend

hyunjin was just so thoughtful, so caring

you return the smile he gave you as you pulled him in for a tight hug

“I’m sorry hyunjin”

“it’s okay, im sorry too, now tell me what’s wrong?”

“it’s just changbin-“

“I swear to god, if he even laid a finger on you he’s a dead man”

“no!” you say quickly putting an end to his assumption

“so what happened?” he asks, eyebrows going up in sheer curiosity

and then you told him

you told him about the deal with Ms. seo

about how your relationship with changbin changed along the way

how you ended the deal

and now we’re back to changbin and ignoring you

“damn, well have you tried actually going to him?”

“i wouldnt even know where -”

and then it hits you

the abandoned music building

“hyunjin, youre a genius!!!,” you say excitedly

“thanks, we been knew”

“ i have to go ill explain later, bye!!” you say, dashing out of there as fast as you could and made your way to the abandoned building

taking the bus there gave you time to reflect on everything that has happened this past couple month

how much your life has changed since changbin entered it

he pushed you to take risks, to live out of your comfort zone, to not care about other people’s opinions

he made you feel free

and most importantly, he made you happy

the good girl has fallen for the bad boy, i told yall this was gonna be cliche right?

continuing on

just as you  expected, the door was open

the dark didnt even bother you anymore, the only thing in your mind was changbin

oh,, where could he be??

could you ever find your way into this maze of a building and retrace the steps that he took when he was by your side?

as you got deeper and deeper into the building, you feel yourself start to get lost

‘fuck i already saw this door’

‘omg y/n did you really just walk in a circle’

and then you hear it

music, singing

your nightingale

you walk faster, desperate to get to the voice

and here you are now, face to face with the one and only, seo changbin

he stops singing as soon as he saw you walk in

“hey,” you whisper out yet he continued to just stand there, not uttering a single word

“your voice is really pretty, i didnt know you could sing!-”

“what do you want?” his voice, dark and firm just like the day you first met him

This caught you off guard

Did you do something wrong?

“Did i do something wrong?” you say, not aware that you have said your thoughts out loud

changbin chuckles but it was so uninviting, like he was taunting you

“ please, drop the act”

?????

“what?” you reply, completely confused

“ you dont like me ”

“ changbin, what?”

“ you're just like everyone else”

“ changbin i really dont understand pl-”

“ i shouldn't have trusted you.”

“ what?!??, no changbin, you can trust me! just tell me whats wrong!”

all the while, you guys were still talking with a glass between the two of you

ironic, since you felt like a wall has been planted around changbin and you cant reach him  

“ you think i should change”

“ no”

“ what do you mean no? I heard you y/n! I heard what you told my mom, i heard about the stupid deal, the stupid money!”

(⊙…⊙,)

“ changbin, let me explain”

“ i know im known as the bad boy y/n, but you… youre even worse than me”

“ changbin.”

“ youre a monster”

and with hearing those words, the tears that you have been so desperately trying to keep just bursted out like a waterfall

changbin too, has let out his tears

and all we got now are two broken people who can clearly see each other yet are still on opposite sides of the glass

“ you're just like everyone out there that you have resented, you judged me by other people’s words, i thought- i thought that i can finally found someone i could open up to but you never even gave me chance from the beginning”

you let him talk without interrupting him

you deserved the ache you were feeling in your heart

everything he said was true

and with that he breaks down, straight to the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees

and all you could do was watch, until you couldn't take it anymore

you finally entered the recording booth , taking a seat on the floor right next to him, mimicking his broken figure

“im sorry”

silence

you looked up at the ceiling as you sighed

he deserves an explanation

“ yes, i took the deal, but that's because i thought i needed it changbin. I may be smart, but financially my family isn't doing well. my mom already works extra shifts but it still won't be enough. my dad isnt even in the picture, i dont know where the hell he is”

and with this, changbins head slowly perks up, looking at you with his glass-like eyes, as you continued to stare at the ceiling

you were finally opening up to him

just like how he has been doing

“ i took the deal because, you’re right, i judged you, i was stupid and i never expected us to actually be friends, clearly i was wrong. you have taught me so much. you have pushed me into doing things i never thought i could do. you made me see the world in a different way.”

he’s still just listening to you when you finally took your eyes away from the ceiling and faced him

“ i understand if you dont want to see me anymore but i cant leave you knowing that i never got to say this,” you continue, afraid of the results that were about to come

“ what else are you hiding from me?” he says, but this time, he says it softly, the furious changbin that you have encountered just minutes ago was completely gone

“ i think im in love with you,” you say, quickly looking down, embarrassed at your confession

“ y/n look at me,”

“ i dont want to”

“ why?”

“ i know you're gonna break my heart”

“ you broke mine first,” and with that he lifted your chin up, making you look him straight into his eyes before kissing you

this kiss was different from your first one

it was slow but passionate, filled with all of the unsaid words between the two of you

your guys lips both slightly chapped from all the crying

yet his lips still felt like the softest pair against yours

pulling away, changbin leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed

yours were open though, taking the sight all in before you pulled away, wiping away his left over tears

“ god, were a mess,” he finally says out loud, before he pulled you in a tight hug 

“ im sorry,” you say again

“ i’ll forgive you if you promise to continue tutoring me?”

“ what ?”

“ continue the deal, get the money���

“ changbin, i really don't want to do that”

“ i know you dont. but we have to finesse my mom somehow,” he says, bursting into a smile, clearly joking

…

..

“eYE,,, i cannot believe you right now! You can't be serious!”

“ but i am. go back into her office tell her you’ll continue it and get the money for your education.”

“changbin! stop joking! I already feel bad about it!”

“Okay fine i just like it when you tutor me okay, its kinda sexy” he says

playfully slapping him, you guys laugh, the tension in the air finally gone

“ you know if you didnt buy me those eggs, we wouldnt be here by now,” you say, a small smile on your face

“ hmm, and why?”

“ because those eggs were the first time i realized that the most notorious bad boy, the one and only Seo Changbin, can also be soft,”

“ do not use my name and soft in the same sentence ever again,”

“ what are you gonna do about it?” you reply, taunting him

and so

he pulled you into another kiss

and another

and another

until a series of laughter coming from the both of you interrupted it

“im glad i bought you those eggs”

hhhhhhh this ending is so rushed and so bad i just didnt wanna leave it unfinished 

ALSO IM SEEING STRAY KIDS BITCHES!!!!!,,,,,, MY SEAT HELLA FAR BUTS ITS OKAY BECAUSE ILL STILL BE THERE ╭(′▽`)╭(′▽`)╯

[thevmontgomery]

Montgomery Family Values

After Rocky’s vigil, Vanessa comes home to gather a few things and is unfortunately met with a Montgomery sibling meeting.

included: @montgomery-malachai triggers: homophobia, rocky’s death, slut shaming, 

Vanessa: There were few situations Vanessa ever felt like she didn't have any control, there was only ever one that she's ever truly felt powerless: when it was her and her brothers. Vanessa had only came home to get a few things knowing that their father would be out, but caught her eldest brother Nate staring back at her with disappointment in his eyes as she was instructed to follow him to the dining room table, Kai already sitting there. She hadn't been home since she ran away and Vanessa knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to face her family. Her family that changed the locks on her, her family that took her son from him took every piece of existence of the boy out of the house, the family that made her feel like she didn't exist the majority of her life. Vanessa sat down across from Kai, not bothering to make eye contact.

kai: Kai hardly had a relationship with his eldest sibling, even when they were younger, he had always been closer to Vanessa. Something about Nate being able to bring out the almost submissive puppy in Kai, always breaking the hard exterior he built up as their conversation went. He had been sitting in the living room, his brothers eyes on him when they heard Vanessa pull up. Kai getting sent to sit at the dining table, popping one of his /sales/ in his mouth, dry swallowing it as he sat down. Hoping to feel something other than sobriety in this impromptu family meeting. His head glanced up as he heard the clicking of his sisters heels, rolling his eyes as she avoided eye contact with him. A part of him not shocked that she had left him with the two people he had hated most in the world, but a part of him still hurt by it.

Nate: "Sit," Nate instructed, sitting at the head of family seat. Looking over his siblings all he could feel was disgust and disappointment. "Have you two learned nothing?" he started. "All you two have done since I enlisted was cause Hell in this house. Mother would be turning in her grave if she knew how you two have become? A fucking useless teen mom and a drug dealing fairy. You two are going to wisen up and you're going to wisen up now!" his voice thundered. Nate turned his gaze to Vanessa, "And what do you have you have to say for yourself? Do you know the mess father and I have to clean up because you and those god awful Bells? Do you want to be one of their gang sluts for the rest of your life? You already fucked up your life getting pregnant and now you're going to let them ruin your life some more? You're going to pack up all your shit wherever you are and come home /tonight/. Not tomorrow, not when father is gone, /tonight/. And you..." he paused turning to Kai. "Fort Union Academy will be expecting you to move in this weekend."

kai: shook his head as Nate brought up their mother, no one in the house understanding Kai, especially after the accident. Talking or thinking about his mom was hard, let alone the thought that he wasnt what she would have wanted of him. He knew deep down that his mom would be disappointed in who he was, but he enjoyed himself, he loved himself. /most of the time/. His eyes glaring daggers at Nate as he addressed Vanessa. Knowing she went in on herself day in and day out, and now with rocky being gone he knew it had gotten worse. "dont act like you give a fuck," He spoke, for once getting bold with his brother. Instant regret washing through him as he turned to him, his brow raising, "youre funny if you think im getting shipped away like some fucking amazon return," he knew at that point he already sealed his deal, and he shouldnt have kept talking, but he had.

Vanessa: Even though Vanessa in her brain was the more mature one out of the three, she was also the most weak willed out of them and easily persuaded when it came to her family. She already felt so alone in the house that she would do anything to make her family happy with her again. Nate's words were hitting Vanessa like knives and she became that sad little forgotten girl once again. Tears started forming in Vanessa's eyes. Maybe if she had been a little nicer, a little prettier, a little smarter, a little more like her parents wanted, Rocky might still be here. If only she would have been enough all of this wouldn't have happened. "I... I get it, Nathanial," she said weakly, curling into herself. He was right. She was ruining everyone around her and letting other people ruin her. Before she could say anything else, she looked to Kai, shaking her head to stop him. Vanessa knew how cruel Nate was to Kai. She gave him a look of warning, hoping he'd stop talking. She'd take the beating if it meant Kai would be safe.

Nate: head snapped once he heard Kai's reply. "I don't give a fuck about some fag who is dead set on being a disappointment for the rest of his life. I'm concerned about our slut of a sister who killed our brother. Or did you forget?" He stood up, palms pressed against the table and eyes of fury. He took a deep breath, pretending to add some softness to his faith. "She's useless, beyond help according to father, but you.

Nate: head snapped once he heard Kai's reply. "I don't give a fuck about some fag who is dead set on being a disappointment for the rest of his life. I'm concerned about our slut of a sister who killed our brother. Or did you forget?" He stood up, palms pressed against the table and eyes of fury. He took a deep breath, pretending to add some softness to his faith. "She's useless, beyond help according to father, but for whatever reason he thinks you can be fixed. A year at military school should /straighten/ you out in one way or another. It's not up for discussion. When father comes home your hair will be black again and you both will be grateful that he is continuing to let you live in his house. Do I make myself clear?"

kai: "No all you give a fuck about is impressing the image of a man who has never been a father to anyone but you," he spoke sharply, his whole body telling him to stand down. That his brother wasnt going to take kindly to his words, but the fire he felt in his skin from hearing him talk about vanessa, he couldnt stay quiet. "Shes amazing. If you took a fucking second to look past what father has warped into that peanut brain, you wouldve seen the person she really is. Shes not a slut, shes not an idiot, shes not useless. Shes fucking family!" Kai spoke, standing from his spot, "Everything she has ever done has been to make father happy, to make you happy. And for what?! To be forced to live a lie her whole life? She didnt kill our NEPHEW. She didnt go to that appointment knowing that Vince fucking Bell would bring his gang ties with him. You dont get to sit here and lecture us when you arent even fucking around to see anything happening anyway!" He rolled his eyes, catching the way he spoke the word straight, "Yes because a year with only men around is really gonna make me only want woman. Smart plan on that one homie,"

Vanessa: "I didn't kill my son!" Vanessa finally spoke up, the pain clear in her voice. "You think I purposely got my son killed! I wish it was fucking me! I wish every fucking day that I was the one who died and I know you all wish it too! You wished it when Mama died and now you're all wishing it with Rocky gone," she continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. All she wanted right now was to drown herself in vodka but she couldn't right now with Nate of all people here and Kai catching onto her habits. Vanessa fell into herself, slowly breaking down for the first time in a long time. It was like everything came flashing before her. She knew her family hated her, knew her family didn't nor ever loved her, and it was all just resurfacing. She looked up for a second, puffy eyes immediately going to Kai and mouthing "stop". If Nate was already dropping the F word to Kai, it would only escalate from there.

Nate: "It should have been you," he spoke sternly, not bothering to even look at Vanessa. His full attention on Kai. He shoved Kai in his chest forcefully putting him back in his chair. "Don't get loud with me, Malachai. You think because it's just you here now you're the man of the house? He died because your sister didn't know who the fucking father of Rocky was. If she hadn't been whoring around there wouldn't have been an appointment. You let her go to that appointment alone. You're just as much to blame as those fucking Bells. This is your last straw, Malachai, last fucking chance. You want to learn what it's really like to be alone? You wanna get sent away too? Don't push me."

kai: "Like it shouldve been me when mom died? Bet you loved telling an 11 year old that everyday for months," He spoke bitterly, a groan falling from his lips as he was shoved back into the chair. His head snapping up to meet his gaze. His words sinking in and knowing there was plenty of truth to them. "I shouldve gone youre right," He spoke, "But you know who else couldve? You. You know who couldve stopped Vince being involved from the gun? You." Shaking his head, "Im already alone Nathaniel. This place is simply room and board at this rate. We arent a family, weve never been a family. father and yourself have made damn sure of that,"

Vanessa: heard the garage door opening and looked to her brother with desperate eyes. Thankfully, Nate walked out to the front to meet up with their father who no doubtly wouldn't even bother even saying hello to any of them now that his precious son was here. Vanessa waited a moment til their brother was far enough, "You're not... you're not a you know what," Vanessa whispered, not even daring to call him the F word. She hated the way Nate spoke and treated Kai. Kai always got the worst of Nate's anger especially since the youngest came out; usually Vanessa was there to defend him but in this moment she was being beaten down so bad she couldn't think straight. "I'm glad it wasn't you," she added.

kai: 's eyes shifted to their sister, his eyes soft at the look on her face. he could see how affected she was by nates words, the fire in kai only growing. shaking his head as she spoke, "he cant say anything I didnt say to myself for years. I know the stigma around bi men, as shitty as it fucking is," He shrugged, "Everything he said about you isnt true V. You arent useless or an idiot, youre an amazing human. Im glad youre my sister," He spoke, a smile gracing his lips as she spoke, "Im sorry you lost your son V, neither one of you shouldve been lost that day," He spoke softly, himself and V being the closest to Rocky, it hit home hearing Nate talk about him. As if he had a relationship with him.

Vanessa: "But you're not, I'm not going to let them send you away. I'll take whatever daddy has to throw. I won't let you be alone," Vanessa spoke. She got up from her seat, moving to sit in the one next to Kai. "I love you, little brother," Vanessa spoke, putting her head on his shoulder. The conversation was all too much, but everything Nate was saying was true. She believed every last word. She was useless. She was a slut. She was all of it and worsy. "It should have been me," she mumbled.

kai: "I like what I like, no one can get mad at me over that. Not logically, i aint doing harm," He shrugged, " We're never alone. As long as we got eachother we'll be ok," He spoke, resting his head on top of hers for a moment. "I love you too big sister," He knew her gears were turning, knew every word nate spoke was on repeat in both their brains. "It should've been me too," He spoke softly

Vanessa: "No harm, though, you could have better taste in men," Vanessa teased. "You think things would be different if Mama was still here? Or that she'd turn on us too?" she asked weakly. She knew her mother loved them, know deep down in her heart that Malachai and Vanessa whom she always joked were her precious little twins considering how similar they looked (way before the blonde locks and the shaved pink hair), but she also knew that her family wasn't perfect. That her father's heart was cold long before their mother's death. Would he have turned their mother cold too. "At least if it was both of us, we'd be with Mama..."

kaii: "as though you got any room to talk on that front," he teased, rolling his eyes jokingly. His smile falling as he thought of his mothers, the words of his brother ringing between his ears. "I think Mama wouldve looked out for us," He spoke softly. His connection with his mom strong from the jump, he was a premie baby. So he needed the extra love at the beginning, and not much has changed in his relationships since. But himself and the two females of the house were practically attached at the hip, having inside jokes and comments, little memories that no one else could recall. Their mom being the reason people never knew if the two siblings were twins or not. Their family was a mess, no doubt about it. Anyone looking in could see that they werent a family, but merely people coexisting in a home that became a house the day their mother lost her life. And thats what finally caused Kais tough exterior to break. All the memories and thoughts of his mom came rushing back, the ones he had pushed aside since that day in the car. Tears flowing but his face never changing from its stoic expression, a part of him scared that his father or brother would walk through the door. Calling him a fairy and other terms because he was showing emotion. "I miss her so fucking much.."

Vanessa: "the men i date are the best of their groups thank you very much," vanessa replied, sticking her tongue out. she took a deep breath, noticing how silent her brother had become. she shouldn't have brought up their mother. it was a sensitive topic for vanessa, but she wasn't there when their mother died. she wasn't the one who had to watch them pull her lifeless body out the car. vanessa turned to kai, right away seeing his tear stained face. she quickly used her shirt sleeve to wipe away his tears, ears listening closely for footsteps. the last thing they needed was either of the elder montgomery men coming in and seeing kai in tears. it was already world war 2 in their house, things didn't need to be worst. "I miss her too, but I need you to be strong for me right now? Okay, KK? I wouldn't ask this if I didn't think you could do it. Daddy can't see you like this. Just go to my room and lock yourself in there for the night, they won't bother you if they think it's me in there. I'll stay out here and deal with Daddy."

kaii: He allowed her to wipe his tears, tilting his head back as he caught his breath. He knew better than to be showing emotion, given that the two people he feared the most were beyond the door. But everything had become to much for him, every decision made in his life flashing through his mind. A gut feeling telling him she wouldnt be proud of him, and that hurt more than anything could say to him. He nodded to her words, "I know I know," He spoke quickly, rubbing his eyes slightly, "After all this I will. Im not leaving you with them alone,"

Vanessa: "Go." Vanessa said more forcefully. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Vanessa knew all too well how their father was towards Kai. She never protected him from it, just hid in her room and pretended to be interested in whatever Nate was talking about in order to have someone to keep her from fully freaking out. "Whatever they do to me isn't going to hurt me as what they do to you. Go."

kaii: "No," He spoke with a headshake, "we're in this together V, from now on. You and me," He spoke with as much force as her, "We cant protect one another if one of us is just running off," He spoke, not meaning the double meaning behind his words, and not realizing till they were already out of his mouth, "We need to be united, it has to work,"

Vanessa: "United."

[targsdaenerys]

what im leaning towards is going to happen

This is my best case scenerio, please dont take my word for it nor tell me im being too hopeful. I literally have zero hope left. but its a much worse way to cope, so why not do it and destroy myself even more? (im also not providing any sources since this is all kind of just what ive gathered in the past few days. sorry if you need the sources; ill do my best to find them if you send me an ask.)

Ep 5:

Tyrion gets paranoid of Dany because of the Sansa’s words. she goes back to the red keep with more of a plan, but Cersei, Tyrion, and maybe Varys/Sansa conspire against her. Cersei uses wildfire to burn KL and frames Dany with it to Jon. Jon is pushed to do something and kills her. Drogon takes her away.

Ep 6: 

Jon realizes the mistake and the trial for Tyrion happens. he's not there because he is looking for Drogon. Figures he went to Valyria and somehow ends up there or something.

I don't really have much more to exemplify other than Dany and Jon somehow turning into the new Night King and Queen. Dany is resurrected somehow. maybe Jon killed her with dragon glass; something that's never been experimented in the show to a human if I can remember correctly.

reasons i think this being;

the irony of Jon becoming his greatest enemy

the fact that the night king is not affected by fire

Jon and Dany's parallels (dany now gets resurrected after a mutiny over something unjust + people conspiring against her being trialed)

the female pronouns in that song

some leaks saying jon killing her is based on miscommunication/he realizes it was a mistake

D&D reply ‘no comment’ when asked if weve seen the end of the NK

neither Kit nor Emilia being seen when they filmed the trial

the ‘bittersweet’ ending that both Kit and Emilia do not like

Emilia watching the last episode with fans

GRRM not really liking the ending, maybe because it is something he doesn't even have in the books

the timeless sense with Jenny’s Song

the ‘thousand years’ and ‘pretty old’ lines, both directed at a very icy place

anything else I can think of is covered in @nightqueendany‘s post found here.

Again, this is nothing but the most wishful thinking i have. Id like to think d&d are a bit smart enough to not go all the way through with this mad queen shit. This used to be my worst case scenario, but at this point, i feel this is the only reasonable way to end such an important character’s story. ep4 seemed like a fever dream that threw away every chance of theorizing because it completely disregarded any of the character arcs or foreshadows or build-ups one would use to guess what was going to happen next.

[uriurijihoonie]

wedding booth │ l.jc

pairing: dino/chan x reader genre: fluff, high school!au word count: 2,166 warnings: none

A/N: the scenario actually happened (but altered some parts) lol that’s it and i’m still getting the hang of writing how I used to aaaahhhh can you please send your thoughts about my writing ):

Valentine’s Day; for some, it’s a day full of excitement and expectations, especially if you’re in a relationship. The dreading moment of waiting whether you’ll be surprised by a confession from your crush who also likes you, a date by your significant other or the most-awaited yes from someone the suitor pursues.

In your case, you’re neither of the three; you don’t have a suitor, much less a boyfriend, and your crush doesn’t have any interest to you at all.

But still, you’re hoping something worth remembering will happen to you for the rest of the day.

As you entered your designated building, different booths were set up in the lobby. There’s the photo booth, an open stage for people who wants to sing or dedicate a song, a mailbox booth and even a fancy marriage booth.

The college council went all out for this day, huh.

“Chill out, Y/N, we’ve got you, you’re getting married to Chan today,” your friend whispered in your ear as she draped an arm around your shoulder, to which she also removed as soon as you nudged her by your elbow.

“Don’t do it please, and if anyone hears you I swear,” You trailed off as you start to descend the stairs, “besides, he will be pissed if you do that to him.”

“Oh come on, he isn’t a killjoy, I know it.”

“Well, he doesn’t take any interest in me at all, besides it’s so random for me to be suddenly paired up with him; he’ll get clues,” You argued, walking through the hallways of your designated floor.

“That’s the point, Y/N,” you saw your friend roll her eyes at you, in which you flicked her in the forehead, “but that’s not what I intend to do, idiot.”

You entered your classroom and as cringe-y as it may be, your eyes automatically turned to where Chan was, and as if you’re being blessed today, it was a sight where he’s laughing real hard you can hear his melodious laugh ringing like soothing bells in your ears, making you smile automatically as you reached your seat, which is just right in front of him.

“Don’t intend for him to know, huh,” you can hear sarcasm in your friend’s voice as you reached for her to smack her, which she evaded with a laugh.

Classes soon started and everything about today is going well like what a normal day is like. Soon you were given ample time to go to the lobby and check out the booths, in which you easily dragged your friend to try out the photo booth.

As soon as you finished taking the shots you bought from the booth, screams and hoots were heard and soon, a crowd of people filled the other side of the lobby.

“Someone’s getting married,” said your friend. Curiously, you tried to make your way through the crowd, immediately smiling when you saw it was your two teachers who’ve been shipped by a lot of students were getting married at the booth.

“It’s Mr. Kim and Ms. Jung,” you grinned, snapping a few photos of your teachers who clearly have interest for each other.

What would it be like if Chan and I were—

You immediately stopped your train of thoughts as you move away from the crowd, shaking your head furiously as you remove any visualization from your head.

If you were to be completely honest, there’s a slim string of hope that your friend will really sign you and Chan up for the marriage booth, and who are you to fool yourself that you don’t want it to happen.

Even if it’s just fake, I’ll take it. Sheesh Y/N, you’re embarrassing.

Feeling heat rush through your cheeks and the unstoppable grin on your face, you shake off the feeling as you made your way back to your classroom, opting to read a novel you always bring with you.

Just as you turn the novel to its next chapter, one of your classmates entered your classroom, “Yah! Chan is getting married at the lobby!”

You felt as if an ice cold bucket of water is being dumped on you, your heart beating fast as you thought of your friend actually signing you up.

But that’s impossible, she’s with me all day and—

Looking back at her seat behind you, your friend is missing and just then, she barged into the room, shouting your name. “Y/N! Come with me, quick!”

There’s no time for you to escape and as soon as she dragged you down the stairs, your screams of protests were unheard as you were being led by your friend.

You saw the crowd being your classmates and you didn’t know if you should be glad you can hear their affirmative screams and hoots towards you, but their screams cannot beat the loud thumping of your heart as you can feel how it races fast.

“Ya! I told you not to do this!” You grumbled as you were dragged on the makeshift aisle, a flower crown with a veil being put into the top of your head.

“You’re welcome, Y/N,” she giggly handed you a bouquet of paper flowers and linked your arms, as if she’s your guardian for the ‘wedding.’

“C’mon Y/N, look at your ‘groom’,” she nudged your sides as your hands got sweaty, heart beating at its fastest rate, and if it’s still possible for it to get faster, your heart still accelerated as soon as your eyes met Chan’s, and seeing his eyes turn to crescents as he grin shyly and looked down to fix his suit (provided by the booth) made you smile, too.

At least it looks like he’s fine with this.

Your friend guided you as you walked through the aisle, and if it wasn’t for your arm gripping your friend’s, you would’ve cascaded on the floor as you feel your legs giving up.

As soon as you reached the makeshift altar where Chan is waiting, all noise seemed to drain out as you focus on this moment alone; Chan going to your side as he’s smiling shyly, faint hues of red painted his cheeks, but despite his own embarrassment, he still greeted you, “Hi, Y/N.”

As much as you wanted to greet him back, all you managed to do was to give him a shy smile of yours, averting your gaze to the person in charge of the ceremony in front of you.

“Good day, family and friends, we are all gathered today to witness...” all the sound drained out once again. This is really happening.

Your thoughts cut off when Chan nudged you, making you look at him, “Are you okay? You look kinda pale, Y/N.”

You wanted to utter a sentence this time but your malfunctioning self still got your tongue tied, that you only managed to give him a nod, which made him frown the slightest, “Are you bothered by this?Is it because of me?”

“No, no, I swear, no!” You blurted out, good thing the person in front of you is still not over with his spiels. You sighed, “I’m just... I’m sorry since you’re being dragged into this chaos.”

Chan laughed at your word choices, which made you smile too because did I just managed to make him laugh?

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Chan slightly faced your direction, still sporting that smile of his which you love so much, “Because I’m actually happy that it’s you.”

Before you could say something, his hand reached for your flower crown and fixed it in place. Giving you one of his smiles again, he turned back to the front, in time for the question from the person in front.

“Do you, Lee Chan, take Y/L/N Y/F/N, to be your wedded wife, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”

The person gestured for the ring that laid on the table. Looking down, you saw Chan taking one, as his other hand gestured for yours. Shaking, you held his palm, taking in just how soft his hands are and the gentleness of his hold on yours.

Leaning closer to the mic, you heard Chan say, “I do,” before he slipped in the ring on your ring finger.

The fast thumping on your heart returned. Taking deep breaths to compose yourself, you focused on looking at the ring left as you heard the person say his question,  “Do you, Y/L/N, take Lee Chan, to be your wedded husband, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do you part?”

You can see your hands trembling as you take the ring, and you lost count how much you’ve been breathing deeply. But when you look at Chan, who’s smiling at you, everything felt at ease. 

This was definitely a moment to remember.

Leaning into the mic, you said, “I do” as it’s now your turn to slip the ring in his finger.

Afterwards, the cheers you drowned out became louder once more, and as the person in front finally said the words “you may now kiss the bride,” all the nervousness and trembling came in to you all at once, and tripled when Chan carefully lifted the veil covering your face.

“Ya, what do you think you’re doing?” All your reservations for Chan escaped you when he finally lifted the veil off, but he just smiled at you. “Just trust me.”

With wide eyes, he carefully tucked some loose strands of your hair behind your ear. Is he serious? What the heck is he really serious about--

It was all cut off when he gently pulled you close to him by your arms and engulfed you in the warmest of hugs.

Taking this as an opportunity, you hugged him back, the grin forming on your face becoming wide as ever. Hoping he wouldn’t feel it, you snuggled in his chest for the tiniest bit before letting go.

Signing your supposed “marriage certificates,” you were then led into the photo booth for remembrance of your “marriage.” You didn’t know how it went but you’re sure you’re giving the most flustered look you can give. After giving you your claim stubs for the photo, Chan was about to approach you...

but then you felt the continuous vibration of your phone close to your head.

Opening your eyes, you glanced around to your surroundings. I slept at the library? You wondered. Sitting up, you reached for your phone, and all the continuous vibrations were made by the messages and missed calls from your worried boyfriend.

Opening his recent message which contained “Please tell me that you just fell asleep in the library again, baby. I’m worried,” you sighed guiltily.

You were about to reply when a familiar figure sat in front of you, and a sheepish smile went on your face as you saw Chan’s pouting face, “You could at least text me that you’re in the library.”

“I’m sorry, Channie,” you gave him one of your pouts too, as you reached for his hand across the table. “I was planning to send you a text but I got engrossed into reading.”

Ah, really,” he sighed exasperatedly, but then gave you a relieved smile as he brushed his thumb on your knuckles, “Just don’t make me worry again, baby.”

“Of course, baby. I love you,” you cooed, taking your intertwined hands close to your cheeks, but yelped when both the cold band around your fingers came into contact with your skin.

Looking at your hands, you laughed at how you’re still wearing the silver rings you got from your high school’s marriage booth three years ago, and how you just dreamed of it a while ago, “You’re still wearing this?”

“Of course, I tell the girls who try to flirt with me that I’m married-- hey! What’s wrong?!” Chan laughed as he avoided the crumpled paper you threw at him.

After you both calmed down,  you intertwined your hands once again, brushing your thumb on the cold metal band. “Tell you what, I dreamed of our wedding on that booth three years ago...”

Clearly, it was how your relationship started and bloomed. You didn’t forget how Chan also confessed to you that he likes you when he overheard you and your friend talking, and how you thought of escaping as soon as you knew he was listening, but you were glad he caught up to you..

“Someday, Y/N, maybe in another three or four year’s time...” Chan mumbled, making you hum. “What is it?”

“I’ll change these rings into real ones.” Your smile faltered for a bit, seeing how the glint in Chan’s eyes are nothing but seriousness and something you’re really grown to seeing; love.

“You’ll... say yes, right?” His eyes now hinted that of fear and nervousness. You wanted to take those emotions away from him.

And seeing how you smiled and squeezed his hand, Chan never felt more reassured than before.

[ultsracha]

Friends to Lovers w/ Eric (tbz)

Request: Anon -  Ok uuuh I’ve never requested before so idk how to word all this but could you maybe write some Eric (the boyz) catching feelings for his best friend and him trying to ask her out ?? And maybe like the other 00 liners making fun of him for being all soft :( I’m sorry I’m trash at explaining stuff <3 Have a wonderful day A/N: Thank you for requesting! im sorry that this isnt the best but i tried !  Warnings: mild angst & swearing

*He looks so teeny tiny in this gif ouchies my heart*

you and Eric had been friends for literally your whole lives 

all of your childhood memories had him in them 

running around the back yard? Eric was right behind you 

Learning how to ride a bike? This dude was the reason you had the courage to do it

So it was no surprise to everyone that all throughout school you stayed friends 

Joined at the hip every second you could be

In class you would sit together and help each other with the work

Of course you had your other friends, 11 of them who were all part of Eric’s band they called ‘The Boyz’ 

They accepted you into their group with open arms

Most nights after school were spent in the practice room with them 

Watching them dance and run around 

Eric always tried to get you involved but that’s a big, fat, nope 

But you literally had the best, best friend 

So, like every other day you’re sat at the lunch table waiting for Eric to get out of his class while you sat with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon 

“You coming stargazing with us tonight?” Sunwoo asks as he shoves a few grapes into his mouth

“Of course, I’ll bring some food if you guys want as well?” you replied

This wasn’t uncommon for you all, to go sit on Kevin’s roof with blankets and snacks and just look at the stars 

“Is Eric coming too?” You ask because let’s face it everything's more fun with him around 

“OoOOoooOOOOoooOOh ‘Is Eric coming too?’ oOOooOo” Hyunjoon teases, nudging your arm 

“Ah fuck off you know it’s not like that, we’ve been friends forever! I can’t go anywhere without him now” 

They both continued to tease and nudge you around until you saw Eric walking over 

As per the routine, you got up and met him halfway across the hall for a massive hug 

“Hey! What’s up? You’re bright red?” He asks after hugging you

“Ohhh nothing, just dumb and dumber trying to steal my last brain cell” you giggle as you both settle into your seats 

Eric draping his arm round your shoulders like he always does 

Sunwoo giving you a sly smirk like he a l w a y s does when you and Eric even look at each other

It wasn’t hard to understand why everyone gave you these looks

Most people assumed you were together

Even some of your family had suspicions because of how close you two were 

but you could only dream... 

This little crush you had started mid teens and had persisted ever since 

Now it was nearing the end of school and here you were, hopelessly in love 

Honestly it had just become a normal part of your life by now and that was okay, as long as you had him with you being your best friend. It was okay

“You’re coming to Kevins tonight yeah?” Eric mumbles into your ear 

Resisting the urge shiver you simply nod and turn away and continue to listen to the bickering of the boys 

After that the day goes on peacefully, Eric walks you to class and kisses your forehead before jogging to his own class 

The bus journey home you guys sit together and share earphones, taking it in turns to choose a song 

“I’ll see you later yeah?” You ask as you both get off the bus at your stop 

“Yeah I might be a bit late though, I’ve got some things to get done beforehand” he replies, throwing his bag over his shoulders 

“Alright, I’ll see you later then!” you start to wave goodbye and of course, as per usual he brings you in for a hug and to kiss your forehead 

and yet again your heart swells and you inwardly scream because why not your lips hm? 

Later that evening Sangyeon picks you up, with Sunwoo and Haknyeon already in the car

Sunwoo on the aux playing some random country music to annoy everyone 

It’s an amazing night to stargaze, you get to Kevins just at the end of sunset where the sky is mostly dark but a lilac hue still coats the edges of the sky

The stars already sparkling 

Kevins roof was your favourite place to be as he lived at the top of a hill, meaning the view of the city below could be seen 

As well as the roof itself having a large flat bit for everyone to cosy up together 

Most of the group are already there setting up blankets and pillows and the speaker

As expected Eric wasn’t there yet so you just dumped out all the snacks you gathered next to the speaker and went to speak to the host

“Did Eric tell you what he had to do tonight?” you ask, watching Kevin struggle to smooth out a massive blanket

“Yes but I’m not telling you, it’s a secret” he replies

“Why? What is it?” your heart starting to race

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he keeping her a secret? Was he bringing her tonight? 

Yes, that’s where your mind goes because, well every girl in the school would be lucky to have him 

“Y/N calm down he’s gone to get something for tonight, don’t worry he’s still your mans but not really your mans” he smirks, patting the top of your head and walking away

You just stand there blinking before realising what he even said, leading you to pursue him to where everyone was sat already 

“He’s not my ‘mans’ Kevin we all know he’s got every girl in the school whipped for him” you sigh, plopping yourself next to Jacob

who was munching on some chips 

“Y/N you’re kidding right?” Sunwoo smirks while Hyunjoon giggles lightly and nods 

“No I’m not, I’m honestly surprised he hasn't got a girlfriend already...” you mumble 

The sad truth being explained to your friends hurt but it wasn’t hard to see, he wasn’t in love with you 

“He has THE biggest crush on you Y/N how do you not see it?” 

You look up from your lap to see everyone nodding in agreement 

Who knew your friends would play such a prank on you

“This isn’t funny guys, you’re just teasing and it’s painful so please can we just change the subject?” 

lets be real it would always hurt knowing how everyone could see how in love you were but how obviously he wasn't 

“Seriously, everyday we see him he talks about how cute you look or how smart you are and how he can’t wait to show you this dance because he wants to impress you” Hyunjoon giggles while Changmin over dramatically nods 

“and how you smell nice all the time” Sunwoo adds rolling his eyes

“they boy’s whipped for you” Hyunjoon continues 

“It’s almost annoying how literally no one exists when you’re around because he’s so focused on you” 

Your heart has literally stopped 

Because ??? Eric???? liking you???? 

“Right let’s quit the teasing because we weren’t even meant to tell her so now you’re gonna have to explain to him about this” Sangyeon scolds the younger ones 

You just lay back into the pillows still not computing 

They have to be lying? He’s never shown any interest in you? 

You hear them still laughing about how your face looks when you’re shocked 

Jacob leans over to whisper “just ignore them, they’re rooting for you” 

You’re just lying on the roof, looking up to the sky with butterflies bursting your stomach and your heart beating like crazy in your chest when you hear Kevins bedroom window open 

“Hey guys, sorry I was late” Eric bursts through the window “I was just getting a few things” 

Everyone greets him but you stay silent, looking up at the sky because you were just TOO nervous to say anything

“You okay?” He asks you, laying down next to you and propping his head on his arm

“Yeah! Just looking at the stars” your voice betraying your panic

He just nods and rolls over to lie on his back next to you 

The night goes on as normal, everyone chatting, listening to music and enjoying the view 

You hop in the conversation every once in a while but the others seem to understand why you’re being more quiet 

Eric hardly speaks to you but never leaves your side, just lying next to you also in his in thoughts 

“What’s up?” You whisper to him after a while

“Just thinking about stuff” He whispers back shifting to lay on his side to look at you 

You look into his eyes and he looks,,, nervous?

“What you thinking about?” you ask, shifting to mirror his position 

“It’s nothing don’t worry Y/N” He replies shaking his head

“You know you can tell me anything Eric we’re best friends...” 

At this he sighs even more and stands up 

“What? What did I do?” You also stand 

He’s already climbing back through Kevins window 

Naturally you follow, heart beating out of your chest at the thought of Eric being upset with you

“Seriously whats wrong? Why can’t you tell me?” You follow him into the room

“Because if I tell you we can’t be friends and it’ll all go wrong so it’s better if I don’t say anything” 

“Why? We’re best friends we’ve always told each other everything whats changed?” 

“Will you please stop saying that?” He almost shouts and spins around to face you

You’ve never seen him this upset before 

Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were wrong, he doesn't love you he doesn't even want to be friends anymore

“Y-y-y-you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You splutter out,  tears already brimming in your eyes 

They were so wrong and they couldn't have said what they did at a worse time, giving you that small bubble of hope in your chest for it to be crushed an hour later 

“It’s not that I just....” he trails off, wringing his hands nervously 

“Then what Eric?” You burst into tears, heart almost breaking in that moment 

“Y/N I love you. Fuck. I’m sick of hiding it and being teased all the time for not having the courage to tell you. I fucking love you” 

The tears didn't stop when you rushed over and wrapped your arms around his neck 

Standing on your tiptoes to hug him you felt his arms wrap around your waist 

You both just stood there holding each other

His erratic breathing indicating he’s crying too

“I love you too Eric, so much, for so long” 

You just stayed put in his arms, him stroking the back of your head

“I didn’t believe them when they told me...” you giggle while pulling away to look at him

His eyes just go so wide 

“They did what?” He yelped

“Oh they told me all about how you talk about me all the time and how whipped you are” you giggle even more

The look on his face just makes you laugh harder 

“I’m going to kill them” he growls and charges back through the window

You just smile and follow him onto the roof where everyone was just laughing and nudging Eric around

“So he’s finally confessed!” Jacobs asks you grinning from ear to ear

“It’s about time, now we don’t have to spend every dance practice brainstorming ways to get him to do it” Sunwoo laughs, earning a slap from Eric

Once the teasing died down Eric joined your side leaning against the wall by Kevins window

“So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” He asks 

And despite the dark you can tell his cheeks are dusted pink

“Of course I will, but what did you need to go get earlier than meant you were late?” 

“Oh,” he wriggled to grab a small packet from his pocket “I was going to confess to you tonight and I bought you this” 

Handing you the packet you open it to find a dainty necklace 

Silver with a small heart pendant on it 

“Eric this is so cute but you didn’t have to buy me something to confess to me” you blush, heart feeling so full it could burst 

“I know but I thought it would help” his smile is so bright and warm

He helps you put on the necklace and the night ends with you falling asleep cuddled into his arms admiring the view 

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 4 - Meat Page 3

==>

Oh, we’re starting with John!  Back to business.

Yep, looks like it’s Aranea-punching time.

Yep, there’s the reason for the Fridging trigger warning.

Wait, which ring was that he just took again?  That’s the ring of Life, right, or whatever?  Guess he can put it on someone who might have already died in all this business?  Or maybe it’s ALSO the Ring of Void that Roxy supposedly used in the stage play to-- wait.  Was it the Ring of Void she used to do that or her own powers?  And-- wait, she took it from Caliborn’s body, didn’t she?  Cause he had it last or... MAN it’s been a while since I read that part of Homestuck.

==>

Oh FUCK, more Johns.  Great.

hey three johns!

DAVE: god damn it johns what the fuck did you do

I love this.

Heh, “young dave”.  They noticed through the shoddy spritework that John was older about as slowly as we might have.

JOHN 3: some of my best memories happened right after you do what you’re about to do next.

:)

Right, Dave now thinks John is fucking his own timeline up so hard that there would be dead Johns all over the place.  Understandable.

JADE: i think the condesce might just be... confused if i brought her an adult john?

Homestuck is fantastic and can always make me laugh when it’s not tearing my heart out of my chest.

You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being.

Heh, yep.  But the demands placed on heroes et cetera.

YAAAAAY the Jade who didn’t get traumatized spending three years alone is okay again!!!!!! :D :D :D

JOHN WHY HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THE MAYOR LATELY DIDN’T HE HAVE A WHOLE THING WITH YOU GUYS AND ARRIVE ON THE POST VICTORY PLANET OR DID I JUST MISREMEMBER THAT WHAT THE FUCK

DAVE: youre telling me that i made this sword because im destined to defeat lord english and weve all been training for that day our whole lives to some extent more or less DAVE: and we are actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce and make a universe and everything DAVE: and then DAVE: we... DAVE: sit on our asses for several years in the new universe and become adults and lead mostly boring lives instead of going off to fight him? JOHN: yes. DAVE: guess that makes sense DAVE: now that i think about it thats probably what i would want to do by the time we finally wrap up this whole hot mess JOHN: yep, it is what you wanted to do. JOHN: and pretty much everyone else agreed, including me. so that’s what we did.

Yep!  That’s pretty much the reward you earned, or both choice’s halves of it anyway.  Since there’s definitely a Candy timeline that I’m sure I’m going to click and find that he chose to stay behind and actually have a wonderful time or something, right?  ...Right?

Pff, yes.  Rose’s given reasons to John for fighting Lord English had to necessarily be vague bullshit if she was going to successfully only HALF convince him to go, splitting the timeline as I’m assuming she hoped.

==>

Back to the election.  I guess this... SORTA... qualifies as meat? What with character development for people and stuff who were left behind? I dunno.

Highly marketable ass

Pff. I love you single mad carapacian in the front row.

...Oh damn it.  Jake’s popularity is being helped along by Dirk for political advantage.  Uh oh.

DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job. DAVE: christ

PFFFFFF

Okay, I can buy that Jane’s standout character flaw at the moment could be being up her own ass a bit now that she’s attained unbelievable success and godhood and practically everything she ever wanted.

Dirk and Dave differing on politics isn’t surprising at all.  Especially given how much of a “survival of the fittest” sort of guy Dirk is.

...bucket of obscene troll fluid?????

Hi Rose please don’t be practically dying anymore.  ==>

Ah, back to John I guess?

I love the references to his photoshop process.

...Mhmm, that was in-part the reasoning we figured might be in play for why the heroes who warped into the Stage Play were the human kids chosen here.

Oh COOL the wind moves through him because of his powers!! :)

JOHN: i don’t know actually. i’ve been to that time line four times now and it always pretty much goes to shit.

PFFFF

Oh my god, John just laying everything down on these rescued friends is just... :)

You weren’t prepared to get passively hit on by the Definitely Not Legal version of a girl you used to have a crush on at the age she was when you first met her, only a few hours after you watched the Actually Legal version of her engage in passionate hand-holding with her possibly aromantic skeleton alien monster girlfriend.

Oh, yeah that’s something of a problem.

...Is he going to run into a Vriska who’s spent like untold years drifting after deploying that weird juju on LE?  Or maybe she already SPENT those years gathering the army or...??  Huh.  (If it isn’t clear, the possibility that John ends up looking like he’s closer to Vriska in the Meat path and Roxy in the Candy path is pretty, er, possible.)

...wait, what happened to Jade in the stage play?  Was she even in the same team??  If so why didn’t they win-- Er.  Maybe I should check back there, or... nah, I’ll let myself be surprised in case this is answered in the epilogue pages that have already come out.  If not I’ll check at the end of the last post today or whatever.  (Also, Caliborn’s session might be outside the Green Sun’s “range”.)

Poor kids, yeah.  At least you’re only taking along fragments of them, really.  As in fragments of the totality of their individuality, their “soul” across timelines, Heart, blah blah blah.

Hey kids!

Alright, time to go.  Lemme break off the post here before hitting next.

[xxstyleart]

Chapter 18; Siege and Storm

Heyyooooo, so I’ve adapted a few parts in a particular scene of chapter 18 with Mal, Alina and the Darkling! I’ve been trying to read fanfics and it’s inspired to write my own so here ya go!! *Disclaimer: I’ve adapted the existing scene with a few things I envisioned. Most of the content is original to Leigh. I’ve simply added a few different elements into the scene and developed it the way I thought would create a deeper scene. Also, my content will be written in between double asterisks. Anything outside of that was written by Leigh. & the ‘[...]’ indicate there are additional lines from the book I’ve not included in my post but that I’ve skipped in order to make this post more fluid and concise with my adaptations. Hope that made sense. Enjoy!!!!

(Art credit: nanfe1789)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He nodded, scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor. “I miss you,” he said quietly. Soft words but they sent a painful, welcome tremor through me. Had part of me doubted it? He’d been gone so often.

I touched his hand. “I miss you too.” [...] He let out a long breath. “Saints, I hate this place.” I blinked, startled by the vehemence in his voice. “You do?” “I hate the parties. I hate the people. I hate everything about it.” “I thought... you seemed... not happy exactly, but--” “I don’t belong here, Alina. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” That I didn’t believe. Mal fits in everywhere. “Nikolai says everyone adores you.”

“They’re amused by me,” Mal said. “That’s not the same thing.” He turned my hand over, tracing the scar that ran the length of my palm. “Do you know I actually miss being on the run? Even that filthy little boarding house in Cofton and working in the warehouse. At least then I felt like I was doing something, not just wasting time and gathering gossip.”

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling suddenly defensive. “You take every chance you get to be away. You don’t have to accept every invitation.”

He stared at me. “I stay away to protect you, Alina.” “From what?” I asked incredulously. He stood up, pacing restlessly across the room. “What do you think people asked me on the royal hunt? The first thing? They wanted to know about me and you.” He turned on me, and when he spoke his voice was cruel, mocking “Is it true that you’re tumbling the Sun Summoner? [...] I stay away to put distance between us, to stop the rumors. I probably shouldn’t even be in here now.”

I circled my knees with my arms, drawing them more tightly to my chest. My cheeks were burning. “Why didn’t you say something?” **Quiet anger rumbled in my chest. How could he not know what was in my heart? How did he not understand that I could not give a care as to what anyone else had to say? I needed him and that’s all that mattered, not what others were speculating about my--sex life.**

“What could I say? And when? I barely see you anymore.” “I thought you wanted to go.” “I wanted you to ask me to stay.”

My throat felt tight. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that he wasn’t being fair, that I couldn’t have known. But was that the truth? Maybe I had really believe Mal was happier away from the Little Palace. Or maybe I’d just told myself that because it was easier with him gone, because it meant one less person watching and wanting something from me. **Another burden I wouldn’t have to bear. Another disappointment I would avoid. So then, why was there such an aching in my chest as he stood there, staring at me expectantly? What more did he want? Was I not enough? Was I too much?**

He raised his hands as if to plead his case, then dropped them helplessly. “I feel you slipping away from me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

**His eyes bore into mine with a deep sadness I hadn’t let myself look at for too long these past few weeks. It stung. Maybe because he was right. Maybe because I feared all of this would become too much for him and he’d decide to finally leave for good. Maybe because it was easier to let go first rather than to be left behind like crumbs on a table... Or maybe because it reminded me of the sadness that was growing in my own heart every time he left, because despite his previous declaration in wanting to protect me, I’d felt him slipping away and I hadn’t known what to do about it.** Tears pricked my eyes. “We’ll find a way,” I said. “We’ll make more time--”

“It’s not just that. Ever since you put on that second amplifier, you’ve been different.” My hand strayed to the fetter. “When you split the dome, the way you talk about the firebird... I heard you speaking to Zoya the other day. She was scared, Alina. And you liked it.”

“Maybe I did,” I said, my anger rising. It felt so much better than the guilt or shame. **Times have changed. I’ve changed. I'm not the weak little orphan from Keramzin anymore. I may not be strong, but I am more now. Different. I had to be because of this power, because of all the people depending on it. Why couldn’t he see that?** “So what? You have no idea what she’s like, what this place has been like for me. The fear, the responsibility--”

“I know that. I know and I can see the toll it’s taking. But you chose this. You have a purpose. I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore.” [...]

**The rage boiled inside, heat rose to my cheeks and ears. “Coward,” I spat as viciously as I could. Surprise swims in his eyes as he registers my verbal attack. Despite the outburst, a door inside me slams shuts. “I chose nothing.” I say coldly. He stiffens at my change of tone. “I did not choose to be born with this power. I did not choose to wage this war. I did not choose to go after the stag,” I twisted the knife.

A mix of hurt, desperation and fear contorts his face. I know he remembers. It was his idea to go after the stag--to get it before the Darkling could so I could be used against the Darkling in time, just as everyone here was planning on doing. He shakes his head in denial.** [...] “You came here for Ravka. For the firebird. To lead the Second Army.” He tapped the sun over his heart. “I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Do you realize this is the first time we’ve really been alone in weeks?” **Brief shock overcame me.**

The knowledge of that settled over us. The room seemed unnaturally quiet. Mal took a single tentative step toward me. Then he closed the space between us in two long strides. One hand slid around my waist, the other cupped my face. Gently, he tilted my mouth up to his. “Come back to me,” he said softly. **The tenderness in his voice pulled at my heart and thaws it. The door that slammed shut creaked open just a bit. This. This was what I yearned for--what I’ve been missing. Him. His love, his affection. No pride and no barriers to stand in our way. My body relaxed in response.** He drew me to him, but as his lips met mine, something flickered in the corner of my eye.

The Darkling was standing behind Mal. I stiffened. Mal pulled back. “What?” he said. “Nothing. I just...” I trailed off **as fear choked me. I didn’t know what to say.** The Darkling was still there. “Tell him you see me when he takes you in his arms,” **he taunts. His voice was too raw. Too real. It shattered me.** I squeezed my eyes shut. Mal dropped his hands and stepped away from me, his fingers curling into fists. “I guess that’s all I needed to know.” **Panic rose in my chest.** “Mal--” “You should have stopped me. All that time I was standing there, going on like a fool. If you didn’t want me, you should have just said so.” “Don’t feel too bad, tracker,” said the Darkling. **Each word sounded like shattering glass and it was hard for me to not cringe anymore than I already had.** “All men can be made fools.” “That’s not it--” I protested. “Is it Nikolai?” “What? No!” “Another otazt’sya, Alina?” the Darkling mocked. Mal shook his head in disgust. “I let him push me away. The meetings, the council sessions, the dinners. I let him edge me out. Just waiting, hoping that you’d miss me enough to tell them all to go to hell.” I swallowed, trying to block out the vision of the Darkling’s cold smile. **He knows. He knows I won’t say anything more. I’ll let Mal believe this lie rather than tell him what I truly see. He knows I’m too afraid to face that truth.**

[...] “Mal--” **Faltering before I truly begin. He’s slipping. I need to say something. Anything. But what? What can I say to make him stay? Pain strikes me as I realized there wasn’t a better option than nothing.** [...] “I don’t want to hear about [...] Ravka or the amplifiers or any of it.” He slashed his hand through the air. “I’m done.” He turned on his heel and strode toward the door.

“Wait!” I rushed after him and reached for his arm. **Desperation clung to me. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin on mine. I hoped for it to drive away this coldness I felt inside.**

He turned around so fast, I almost careened into him. “Don’t, Alina.”

**My heart broke. He was already pushing me away. I can see that the distance was much more than the few inches between us.** “You don’t understand--” I said, **faltering again. How could I put it into words he wouldn’t judge me for? How could I think of him so often after all that he’s done? Why do I keep seeing the Darkling? Mal would be disgusted of me.**

“You flinched. Tell me you didn’t.” “It wasn’t because of you!” **I just wished he’d believe me.** Mal laughed harshly. “I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.” The words hit me like a slap. He slammed the door behind him.

I stood there, staring at the closed doors. I reached out and touched the bone handle. **I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. His words ring in my head, cutting through me like a double-edged knife.** You can fix this, I told myself. You can make this right. But I just stood there, frozen. [..] I bite down hard on my lip to silence the sob that shook my chest. That’s good, I thought as the tears spilled over. That way the servants won’t hear. An ache had started between my ribs, a hard, bright shard of pain that lodged beneath my sternum, pressing tight against my heart.

**I turned and leaned against the door, gasping for breath while trying not to let the sobs erupt. I see him fully now, standing exactly where he was behind Mal, just before the bed. The moonlight shone against his tall silhouette and illuminated his broad shoulders, his strong arms. I can see his perfect face, a smile no longer on his lips. He had the mercy to not look smug. Instead, his face was stony and cold but there was something dark swirling in his eyes that I couldn’t make out. I pinned him in place with a look, offering nothing but anger, hatred, and resentment.

I brought my hands to my face, my fingers curling and slightly tugging at my roots. Angrily, I spoke, my voice becoming louder with each question. “Why do I keep seeing you? Why are you here? Why must you torture me like this?” I’m nearly begging him for answers. My hands slashed the air between us, frustrated. “Must you make me drive him away?” I can read his face clearly now. The problem with wanting is that it makes you weak.

He thaws and looks at me disgustingly lovingly. His eyes were soft as he wrapped his hands around one of mine then laid it over his heart. The other caressed my cheek. Gently, he answers,“Yes, I do because you must realize that in this world, there is only you and I. There is no one else like us: powerful. Your power is growing every day. As much as you love him, he could never love you without fearing you first. And as much as you want him to be there for you--to understand you, he simply can’t. He is otazt’sya. None of them will ever know you the way I do. None will understand the hunger for more power or the delight we feel when we use it. There is no one who will not fear you or judge you. Only I can understand you. Only I will not fear or judge you for what you are. You are Alina Starkov, my equal. We were made opposites, but are halves to the other. We were meant to be together.”

I try to yank my hand back from his chest, but I am frozen. I try again, but to no avail. His words shake me to my core. Knowingly, he says nothing and silently urges me on. How? How was he able to read me so well? How did he know so much about how I felt? Of all people, how could he know what I was going through when he wasn’t even here with me? Or real? Shame and resentment filled me. We wage a silent battle, looking into each other’s eyes, acutely aware of the other. We stayed like that for a long time, so long, my body relaxed and grew used to his presence.

I finally break the silence.“...Why won’t you just let me be?” My voice broke. He was only a figment of my mind playing tricks on me. He wasn’t real... so why did he look so real? Why did this feel so real? He was an itch that I couldn’t soothe. I keep scratching to try and ease the itching but it only makes things worse and now I’m bleeding.

“If I did that, you’d be alone.” His words felt like a bucket of cold water washing over me. Loneliness? Wasn’t that his fear? You don’t understand, my words to Mal echoed again. I’d meant he didn’t understand that I’d actually flinched from him because of the Darkling, not because I didn’t want him but had I meant something else too? Was what the Darkling was saying true? With this new found power of mine, was loneliness my fear now as well? My blood turned cold at that truth. Yes, it was... ‘Sankt Alina’, they’d whispered during prayers. They’d praised the Sun Summoner without cease but I saw the look in their eyes. Admiration was there on the surface but it was fear that had driven them--fear of me... of my power. I saw the way servants never stood too closely, the way they flinched at my every move. I saw the way peers did their best to dance around me with their words. People claimed to worship the Saint but I saw their pity. No one wants this kind of responsibility or this raw hunger for power in any life.

“Alone...” I whispered. “Is that what we are?” As soon as I let the words out, I felt it: alone. It kicked me in the gut and nearly choked the air from my lungs. Tears well in my eyes again and spilled over without cease. My body gives way to the weight in my heart and I sink to the floor. The harsh reality that no one would ever understand drowns me. The fear courses through like an unforgiving tsunami. Breathing became difficult. No one could ever understand me. No one except the Darkling.**

I didn’t hear the Darkling move; I only knew when he was beside me. His long fingers brushed the hair back from my neck and rested on the collar. When he kissed my cheek, his lips were cold, **and I welcomed it, begrudgingly. We were alone, together.**