#And he's like “Nooooo! Of course not!”

[gracie-eilish]

your girl💋

summary: you and billie are hanging with friends and she’s feeling a little flirty and confident😉

an: i got my nails done today so i typed this with long nails for the first time in forever. so please excuse any typos my nails may have caused and i missed🤦‍♀️🫠

💋✨❤️🫧

The party buzzed with warmth and laughter as I arrived, shaking off the cold from outside. I tossed my coat onto the pile on the couch in the front room and made my way down the hall toward the chatter and music. “Hellooooo!” I called, announcing my arrival.

A wave of greetings rippled through the room, faces lighting up as they saw me. “Finally!” Kayleigh exclaimed, rushing over to hand me a drink. “We were about to send a search party!”

“Studio ran late, and then, of course, traffic,” I explained, taking a grateful sip. “But I’m here now!”

Kayleigh looped her arm through mine, dragging me into the kitchen. Taylor, Gracie, and Claudia were huddled there, laughing over some snacks. “Look who finally decided to join us!” Kayleigh announced dramatically.

Gracie grinned, tossing a pretzel into her mouth. “About time, Caroline. We were starting to think Billie was gonna pout all night without you.”

“Pouting?” I laughed, grabbing a piece of chocolate from the counter. “What does she have to pout about? I’m here now.”

“She literally sighed and stared at the door every five minutes,” Taylor chimed in with a smirk.

“Like a lovesick puppy,” Claudia added, feigning dreamy eyes.

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “She’s ridiculous,” I muttered, warmth blooming in my chest at the thought.

Gracie leaned in conspiratorially. “You know she’s been winning Uno just to take out her frustration, right?”

“Oh no,” I groaned, laughing. “I better go save everyone before she gets too competitive.”

“Please do,” Taylor begged. “She’s one step away from flipping the table.”

Leaving the girls behind, I made my way into the living room. Billie was mid-game, her brow furrowed in concentration as she slapped down a card with force. “Reverse!” she announced triumphantly, earning a groan from Ava.

“You’re evil,” Ava muttered, glaring at her dwindling deck.

“Evil? No, I’m strategic,” Billie shot back, grinning smugly.

Finneas shook his head. “You can’t call it strategic when it’s pure luck, Billie.”

“Luck?” Billie gasped dramatically. “Excuse me? This is pure skill, Finneas.”

“Skill, my ass,” Zoe interjected, slapping a Draw Four card on the pile. “That’s for earlier, Billie. Enjoy.”

The room erupted in laughter as Billie let out an exaggerated, “Nooooo!” clutching her chest as if mortally wounded.

“Play it, loser,” Jane teased. “Let’s keep it moving.”

Moments later, Billie redeemed herself with a Wild card, and the room exploded in protests as she yelled, “Uno! And… game!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Sabrina groaned, tossing her cards onto the pile.

Billie stood up, arms raised in victory. “That’s right, bow down to your champion!”

“Sit down,” Finneas said flatly, though he couldn’t hide his grin.

As Billie did a playful victory lap, her eyes landed on me. Her smug grin softened into something more playful as she called out, “Baby!”

All heads turned toward me, and before I could respond, Billie smirked and added, “Come give your girl a kiss, mama.”

The room erupted in whistles and teasing laughter. My jaw dropped, a mix of laughter and embarrassment bubbling up as my cheeks turned bright red. “Oh my God,” I muttered, making my way over to her.

Billie met me halfway, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me in for a deep kiss. My giggle was muffled against her lips as the room whooped and hollered.

“Get a room!” Zoe yelled playfully.

“You’re just jealous,” Billie shot back, pulling away just enough to smirk at her.

“That I don’t have to put up with your Uno tyranny? Not really,” Zoe quipped.

Ignoring the banter, Billie looked back at me, her voice loud enough for everyone to hear. “I’m her girl,” she declared proudly, her arm tightening around my waist. “See that? Hers. Me. I’m her girl.”

“Literally the most obnoxious winner I’ve ever seen,” Finneas muttered.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” Billie replied, guiding me back to the couch.

We settled in, her arm draped over my shoulders as I nestled into her side. Someone suggested putting on a Christmas movie, and the group began debating between classics and modern options.

When the drinks ran low, Billie stood, tugging me along. “C’mon, babe. Let’s go grab more drinks.”

In the kitchen, she turned soft, her teasing arrogance melting away. “How was your day, baby?” she asked, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

“Busy,” I admitted. “But good. The song’s coming together.”

She smiled, her fingers grazing mine as she handed me a glass. “I’m proud of you, you know that?”

I softened under her gaze, squeezing her hand. “I know. Thank you.”

As we headed back to the living room, Billie stopped abruptly, her eyes darting upward. I followed her gaze to the mistletoe hanging in the doorway.

“C’mere, girly,” she said, wiggling her fingers for me to come closer. “I want another kissy.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out as I wrapped my arms around her neck, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. The group’s cheers echoed around us, Zoe yelling, “Again? Seriously?”

“Get used to it,” Billie shot back, kissing my cheek. “She’s mine, remember?”

“Tragic for us,” Jane teased.

We rejoined the group on the couch, Billie pulling me close again. “I love showing you off,” she whispered against my temple.

I smiled, resting my head on her shoulder. “And I love that you’re mine.”

The movie began, but I barely noticed. Being wrapped up in Billie’s arms felt like the only place I wanted to be.

💋✨❤️🫧

an: hope you enjoyed! i think i decided im a fluff girly, but i have no aversion to smut if i ever really learn to write it lol! send in requests! love you!💋💋💋💋

[honesttoglob]

I feel like Steve and Frances would be friends. Just like,,,, buds. Pals. They meet to play chess out in Central Park every weekend and Steve wins most of the time but it's only because he eats Frances' pieces when she isn't looking and she's way too high to keep track of his strategy.

[braisedhoney]

I formally request a Dan Phantom, if that's okay!

a formal request begets a formal answer

(guess i’m doing these in a more consistent style now!)

[moeblob]

I'm just minding my own gosh darn business when I see a discord status of "Goodbye Vincent" and now hold on what happened to my son (someone else's OC). Apparently a lot happened to my son. :c He almost died.

[mychlapci]

hello everyone 🔞

me and my friend oftentimes talk about tfp ratchet. and by "talk" i mean engage in direct sexual harassment. anyways, i made grandpa squirt

[witchinatree]

making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it

(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)

episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice

i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)

episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement

this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶

episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement

the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them

episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement

augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin

episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement

i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!

episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles

i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy

episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia

STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you

episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"

RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry

episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam

they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material

episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice

does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.

episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen

dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard

episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice

she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her

episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen

each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(

episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement

theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh

episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway

episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers

episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen

episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1

episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive

episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(

episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.

episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.

episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full

episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3

episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over

episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY

episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO

episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude

episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭

episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.

[gaslightgirlsummer]

okay catboy

[hauntingblue]

Oden is winning the bad bitch competition jesus

[writersstareoutwindows]

im truly so wildly protective of Annabelle McAlistair. I saw someone compare her to a friendzoned dudebro exactly once in the Discord and never emotionally recovered from the astronomically shallow depths of that take. truly a duck paddling in an ocean and calling it a puddle.

[goldensunset]

it’s been a long and grueling 10 days but at long last i no longer have to spend any time in close proximity with a man

[gaylittleguys]

I wouldn’t put it past Ocelot for all of his hypnotism stuff to just be completely made up

[xviruserrorx]

I really do hate when I know I'm right about something and no one listens to me

[wow-thisismylifeiguess]

AU where Bruce isn’t Batman and the ‘Brucie’ persona is mostly real, but he’s also not an idiot and well aware that his kids are vigilantes

Bruce, “I just wish Dickie chose a better costume than that. I mean, look at him! He’s like a traffic light.”

Alfred, “I believe it’s a similar outfit to one his mother designed for him when he was younger.”

Bruce, “….nevermind, I take it back. He’s my beautiful baby boy and his outfit choices are definitely not atrocious.”

—

Bruce, “Jay…mind explaining the bruises on your wrists?”

Jason, “Oh…yunno how it is.”

Bruce, stares

Bruce, “If your partner is hurting you-”

Jason, “NO, it’s nothing like that! I promise, it was….consensual?”

Bruce, “Is that a question or statement, kiddo?”

Jason, “Statement.”

Jason, later, grumbling to Dick, “Sometimes I feel like he’s onto us…”

Dick, “No way. We cover our tracks super well. You just need to come up with better excuses for your bruises. I mean, BDSM? You?”

Bruce, upstairs, listening through a bug he planted, “Dumbasses.”

—

Bruce, “Why is the Drake child in my home?”

Jason, “He’s a friend.”

Dick, “I think you’re choking him a little, B.”

Bruce, who has Tim in a bear hug, “Am I choking you, buddy?”

Tim, muffled, “Not at all.”

—

Bruce, “TALIA! YOU’RE HERE! Why are you here.”

Damian, “Why am I here?”

Talia, “We have a son. Here. Take care of him.”

Damian, “I will not stay w a man like…like him.”

Bruce, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Damian, “You’re pathetically human and weak. I have nothing to learn here, Mother.”

Talia, “He’s beaten me before.”

Damian, “What?”

Dick, “What?”

Jason, “What?”

Bruce, smiling dreamily, “Such good memories.”

—

The kids find out he knew everything from the start when Dick has to pick up a drunk Bruce from a party. They arrive back at the Manor and Bruce won’t stop clinging to Dick.

Bruce, “Noooooooo! Don’t leave me! Don’t put on that ugly costume!”

Dick, “W-what?”

Bruce, sniffles, “It’s better than the Robin one, but come on, chum. You can do so much better than that.”

Dick, “You…know?”

Bruce, still crying, “Of course I knew! Good at covering your tracks my ass!”

Dick, “Do you know everything?”

Bruce, wiping his face because his vision is blurring and there’s two Dicks standing in front of him. Fuck, he’s dizzy, “Jason’s outfit is better. Tim’s is atrocious. But at least you gave Dami pants.”

Dick, “BRUCE!?”

Bruce, “Nooooo, don’t yell. My head hurts.”

—

Sitting in what Bruce has decided to call the Bat Cave because, helloooo, the bats?

Dick, "How long have you known?"

Bruce, "Oh, you know."

Jason, "From the beginning???"

Bruce, "I'm not stupid. Alfred, why does everyone think I'm stupid? My own kids think I'm stupid."

Tim, "Mr Wayne-"

Bruce, stares at him

Tim, "....Bruce. We don't think you're stupid. We just thought we were being...sneaky."

Damian, "Hmph. All of you lack training in stealth. Unlike me."

Bruce, "Dickie, how am I supposed to not know when I adopted a child acrobat and 'oh, look! a pint sized vigilante who can do flips off of buildings!'"

Jason, snorts, "Pint sized."

Bruce, "Jaylad, you started using guns a week after I signed you up for a firearms class."

Tim, tries very hard to hide a laugh

Bruce, "Timmy, your bedroom is covered in pictures of Gotham you'd only get from being on top of buildings."

Damian, scoffs

Bruce, "Dami, you trained as an assassin. Of fucking course you're a vigilante."

The kids, "....fuck. We suck at this."

Bruce, waves his hands in the air, "Don't worry about it. You're all bad at covering for yourselves, but me and Alfred handled it. Anyone who might've even got an inkling of who you might be have been...dealt with."

Jason, "Did you kill them?!"

Bruce, "What? No. Of course not. Right, Alfie?"

Alfred, "....of course not."

[whateveriwant]

The 141 in a reverse harem

18+ content, GN!Reader, Reader is the ruler of an ancient kingdom

Soap

The moment you step into their communal quarters, Soap is always the first one to greet you, almost Iike he was sitting right beside the door

But nooooo, don't be silly. Of course he's not been impatiently waiting since your last visit. Though, you were 28 and ¾ minutes later than normal, not that he's been counting or anything

As you walk around their dwelling deciding on who to take back to your chambers for the night, he's following closely behind like a little horny whiny puppy

More than once, he's accidentally stepped on your robes because of just how close he likes to trail after you

Oh, but he's so terribly sorry! Here, let him make it up to you! Please, please let him make it up to you!

Because he tries to hog the limited time you spend with the men, it's earned him more than a few elbows to the ribs from his biggest “rival” in the group: Gaz. And speaking of which…

Gaz

Always trailing a little less desperately closely behind is the newest member of the harem: Gaz

Though he may be the youngest of the four, that doesn't mean he's any less experienced in these types of matters (and the young ones are always the most eager to please, aren't they)

Have you had a good day, darling? He knows you're very busy running a kingdom and all, so he for one is grateful you've taken time out of your hectic schedule to visit them

Oh, but your shoulders look so tense, darling! He can rub them for you if you'd like

And your poor feet! Those sandals of yours look awfully uncomfortable. Why doesn't he head back with you so he can show your full body the love it deserves

While he and Soap can't help but bicker when it comes to vying for your attention, on the rare occasion, the two have been able to put aside their differences and work together, if you know what I mean

Price

Unlike the two younger men, Price feels no need to fight for your time

No, he knows you'll eventually make your way over to him, swaying your hips in that way that makes him salivate like a dog

As the oldest and the longest resident of the group, he's become somewhat of a right hand of yours; almost like a concubine turned consultant, if you will

While of course he loves nothing more than to get down to the nitty gritty with you, these talks of yours are truly the highlight of his day even when they're entirely polite in nature

Why yes, he has done something different with his beard, thank you for noticing. He got some new oils from the market yesterday. Do you like it? Isn't it soft? Just wait until you feel it between your thighs

No matter who you're taking to your bed for the evening, Price always escorts you to the door of their quarters, leaving you with a kiss to the hand goodbye. Until next time, starlight

Ghost

Last but certainly not least is the man you have the most… interesting dynamic with, to put it one way

It's funny, really. He likes to pretend the sweet taste of you doesn't haunt his every waking moment, and you like to pretend that there was anyone else on your mind the second you walked through the door

But oh, he sees that you've arrived yet again... Well, this book of his is super interesting, so he's just going to sit in the corner and read, and absolutely not watch you out of the corner of his eye

What was that? No, he's not holding it in his lap for any reason. And no, his pant legs aren't shorter than normal. Why would you think that?

Oh, but the moment you hold your hand out for him, he has to stop himself from immediately tossing the dumb book aside and hauling you over his shoulder like some sort of rabid beast

Instead, he takes his time standing from his seat, almost indifferent as he takes your hand and lets you lead him back to your chambers

It's all a farce though, of course. Nothing makes his pride swell more than having you scream his name for the whole palace to hear, echoing all the way back to where the three other men are left to sit and mope

[iamgonnagetyouback]

𝟷.𝟼𝚔 || 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 (PART 4)

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: After being the forgotten one your whole life, you thought that they wouldn't forget you.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: poly!marauders x reader

♡ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ : part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

It had been a few weeks since the fallout between you and the Marauders, and though you’d forgiven Remus, you were still waiting on the others to grovel appropriately. Remus had apologized sincerely, and after some much-needed cuddling, you had let it slide. But the rest of the boys? Not so much.

Today, you and Remus were curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, enjoying a quiet moment together when the door to the common room burst open. James, Sirius, and Peter stumbled in, laughing about some prank they'd pulled earlier in the day.

They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw you and Remus snuggled up. Their eyes narrowed suspiciously as they took in the scene.

"Everything alright between you two?" James asked, his voice laced with curiosity, while Sirius crossed his arms, clearly trying to read the room.

You raised an eyebrow at them, already irritated at the question. "Why wouldn’t it be?"

"Well, you know," Sirius drawled, glancing sideways at James, "since Remus is… Remus. And everything." He tried to sound casual, but you could tell he was fishing.

You crossed your arms, glaring at them. "Oh, now you care to talk about it?"

James blinked. "About what?"

Remus sighed beside you, knowing exactly where this was headed. The rest of the boys exchanged confused glances, still pretending they didn’t know what you were talking about.

"Don't play dumb," you said, sitting up and fixing each of them with an annoyed look. "The fact that none of you thought it necessary to tell me that Remus is a werewolf."

Sirius’s face went slack for a second before he tried to recover. "What?! Remus? A werewolf?" He threw his hands up dramatically. "I had no idea—"

Peter asked, confused, "How'd you figur-"

"Oh, please," you snapped, cutting him off. "With all those very visible scars, the four of you disappearing every full moon, and let’s not forget the howling coming from the Shrieking Shack. Do I look like an idiot to you?"

James bit back a laugh while Peter’s eyes widened in panic.

"And the final clue?" you continued, glaring at each of them. "All of you standing me up on our date the day after the full moon. Even Snape could figure it out!"

The mention of Snape's name made them all freeze. You noticed the exchange of guilty glances between them.

“Wait,” you said, gasping as realization hit. “Snape knew?”

They were all dead silent.

You turned to Remus, narrowing your eyes. "Well, congratulations, Lupin. You're officially back on the list."

Remus groaned dramatically. “Not the list.”

The other three burst into laughter, relieved to hear Remus wasn’t fully off the hook either.

"Alright," James said, stepping forward with a cheeky grin. "What’s it gonna take to get off this list?"

You smirked, finally ready to dole out some consequences. "Remus will be doing all of my assignments for the next six months. Except during the full moon, of course.”

Remus let out a breath of relief. "That's not so bad—"

You cut him off with a wicked smile. "I'm not finished. You’ll also be partnering with Lucius Malfoy in Charms class.”

Remus’s eyes widened in horror. “Nooooo! Anyone but Malfoy!”

You ignored his whining and turned to James, who was now grinning as if he’d already won your forgiveness.

"And Jamie here," you said sweetly, reaching out to pinch his cheek, "is going to switch partners with me in Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"That’s alright,” James shrugged, clearly thinking he got off easy. "I can handle that."

You smirked. “Then I’ll have Lily, and you’ll have Snape.”

James’s face fell instantly. “W-wait, hold on. You can’t—”

You cut him off with a grin. “Too late. It’s decided.”

James groaned dramatically, flopping onto the nearest couch as if the world had ended.

Next, you turned to Sirius, who was already bracing himself.

“And Sirius,” you said, drawing out his name, “you’ll be spending every evening studying with me in the library. And we both know how much you hate studying.”

Sirius groaned loudly, but you weren’t done.

"Oh, and one more thing," you added with a smirk. "No sex for one month."

His jaw dropped in horror. "NOOOOOOO!"

James burst out laughing, while Remus patted Sirius on the back sympathetically.

Finally, you turned to Peter, who looked the most nervous of them all. "Pete," you said softly, "I really didn’t want to do this, but you’re going to have to give up sweets and candies for an entire month."

Peter gasped in absolute horror, clutching the chocolate bar he was holding as if his life depended on it. You reached out, gently plucking it from his hand.

"Sorry, Pete. It’s the rules."

Peter fell to his knees, dramatically crying out, “Not my sweets! Anything but my sweets!”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the theatrics. The boys were always a handful, but at least now they were going to work to earn their way back into your good graces.

"Don’t worry," you said with a smirk. "I’m sure you’ll all manage… eventually."

They groaned collectively, each already dreading the next few weeks.

But you had to admit, watching them squirm like this? Absolutely worth it.

thank you so much @pandainfinitely for the idea to write the grovelling part!!

[dragon-ascent]

Wouldn't it be fun to be vengefully pursued by Zhongli, who's out to catch and punish you because you broke a contract?

You propose the idea to your husband, explaining the appeal of the "thrill of the chase," so to speak. Now, you're a bit of a wuss, so you don't actually break any kind of contract; Zhongli, more than willing to humor you, agrees to pretend you have broken one nevertheless.

"Oh noooo," you repeat for the umpteenth time, making your way across the bridge leading home, "whatever will I doooo? Spare me!"

"I'm afraid is there no escape for you, my dearest," answers Zhongli, stalking over to you with all the deadly speed and malice of a snail. Then again, even you're not running away either, your gait more akin to a slow dance without contact.

Waltzing away, you shoot back with zero verve, "I'm downright terrified. I'm, like, so scared for my life right now." In the midst of your chase, you nearly step on a puddle - oh no, you can't ruin your new shoes, and the puddle's too wide to sidestep.

Zhongli takes notice, scooping you up and plopping you down on the other side. "Here we are, dear."

"Thanks! Ahem, now...eeeeek! He's gaining on meeee." You continue your half-hearted trudge away from him as he resumes his thrilling pursuit of you.

"Just wait until I get my hands on you. I shall show you no mercy." He's walking as though it's a casual evening promenade.

"That sounds excit- I mean, horrible! Horrible, yes." Reaching your doorstep, you make to unlock the door. "Gotta get to safety and protect myself!"

Like a true gentleman, the god waits patiently while you fiddle with the key.

"Pssst, Zhongli, could you get it for me real quick? I think it's stuck."

"Oh, of course." He unlocks the door and holds it open for you.

It's time to get on all fours. "Oh no! He got inside!" you wail, crawling your way to the bedroom while your husband leisurely follows behind, watching as you clamber onto the bed.

"Nooooo! All my clothes are flying off!" you exclaim, sloppily yanking your garments off and tossing them aside. "This must be the wrath of the God of Contracts..."

Your dear Zhongli, barely able to contain his amusement, gracefully climbs into bed and props himself over you. "Indeed it is."

"He's got to me! What will you do to meeeee..."

"I shall, er...sheathe my spear in you. Repeatedly."

Peals of laughter ensue.