#And he's done getting congratulated by his father while he's having a whole breakdown with Sasuke in his arms

[princeofuchiha]

Silly little hc that has solidified its place in my heart over the last few weeks: I feel that when Itachi was young (5ish) he was exactly the type of kid to have those little glow in the dark star stickers on his ceiling.

[grewlikefancyflowers]

JC’s deeply rooted resentment of WWX, JFM’s parenting, and the inevitability of the falling out of the ‘Yunmeng bros’.

In discussion of the breakdown of JC and WWX’s relationship, their falling out is often regarded as a mutual failing on both sides to properly communicate and maintain their relationship. I’m making the case here that their falling out was a foregone conclusion from the start, and in no part due to the actions of Wei Wuxian.

This is because YZY has instilled in JC the idea that JFM dislikes him, something he believes before WWX arrives in Lotus Pier, JC already feels inferior, thus as soon as potential competition for JFM’s attention comes along in the form of WWX, JC resents him, believes JFM prefers him, and looks for reasons to justify this. 

Summarising their very first interactions - from chapter 71 - WWX arrives at LP, sees JC with his puppies and is so terrified that he refuses to come down from JFM’s arms the entire day. The second day, JFM gives JC’s puppies away.

Now, I would like to think that no one seriously believes that this is an act of favouritism, but I have seen this case being made so I just want to make clear that WWX is obviously traumatised by his previous interactions with dogs. After trying for a whole day to comfort WWX, with no success, JFM does not exactly have any other choice than to give the puppies away, WWX cannot be expected to live in constant terror in the place that is supposed to be his home.

Consequently, ‘This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian.’

JC’s reaction is fairly understandable for an 8 year old. JFM comforts JC, and does not treat him callously or dismiss him, however it takes several days until JC will even talk to WWX.

When JC does start to warm up to him, JFM thinks it’d be a good idea for them to have a sleepover, JC is on the ‘verge of agreeing’ to this, which JFM is overjoyed by - so much so that he picks WWX up.

This is not an example of favouritism, JFM doesn't repeatedly give affection to WWX and not JC, he holds him twice - the first instance being purely because WWX was too terrified to leave his arms, the second being this one. These are the only two times where JFM is described as being affectionate towards WWX, JC is still in the lead on this count. But JC interprets this as JFM preferring WWX.

This results in the JC shutting WWX out at night.

At that time, Wei WuXian didn’t know what Jiang Cheng was mad about at all. After a pause, he replied, “I didn’t steal anything. It’s Uncle Jiang who told me to sleep with you.”

Hearing that he was still bringing up his father, almost as if he was purposely showing off, Jiang Cheng’s eyes reddened as he yelled, “Go away! If I see you again, I’ll call a bunch of dogs to bite you!”

This is the important part - JC sees WWX in the worst possible light, and rarely thinks of WWX as a person outside of how he directly impacts JC - he concludes that WWX is purposefully antagonising him, this is a trend that continues well into adulthood.

Then, when WWX flees LP after JC threatens him with dogs, JYL tells JC to find people to help search for him. However,

‘If any other disciple or servant learned about this and told Jiang FengMian, after Jiang FengMian knew how he threw Wei WuXian’s sheets out and made him hurt his leg, Jiang FengMian would definitely dislike him even more. This was also why he only dared chase after them alone and didn’t get anyone else.’

JC has obviously behaved wrongly here, and JFM would be right to scold him for it, but JC interprets this as JFM disliking him. We haven’t seen anything to suggest that JFM actually dislikes JC, he always treats him quite gently, actually. But JC is already at the conclusion that JFM dislikes him, and twists events to suit this - if his dad scolds him for misbehaving, it’s because he dislikes him. This pattern repeats after the Xuanwu Cave arc too.

This is because Madam Yu has ingrained into him the idea that JFM dislikes him, because he’s her son. This has nothing to do with WWX - because both her and JC already believe that JFM dislikes JC prior to WWX’s arrival -  she only sees him as additional fuel to use.

The only other person who mentions JFM supposedly treating WWX better than JC is JZX. I’m sure it's a coincidence that he’s the son of YZY’s best friend.

‘“Doesn’t he treat you better than treating his own child or something?”’

Note the ‘or something’, - JZX doesn’t seem to know this with certainty - he’s repeating what others have said, despite having visited Lotus Pier several times (as stated in ch.69), JZX hasn’t seen evidence for himself that JFM prefers WWX.

‘“Maybe I should’ve let you hit him, while I stand aside and watch. This way, Uncle Jiang might not need to come. Oh well, I really couldn’t hold back!”’

We know that WWX doesn’t see JFM as favouring him - so what does he mean by this? Well, LQR has had it out for WWX from the moment they met, and has already sent a letter to JFM complaining of his behaviour - at this point WWX doesn’t know that this results in them breaking the JZX/JYL engagement either, so he’s probably purely thinking that LQR summoned JFM to CR to discuss WWX’s repeated offenses. JC hasn’t done anything to invoke LQR’s ire (or rather, he’s gotten away with everything he has done), so WWX thinks that if JC fought JZX, it would not have been treated so seriously, compared to WWX, who has repeatedly misbehaved.

Contrary to fanon interpretation, WWX is not oblivious to other people’s feelings, he’s very empathetic, and additionally understands JC very well. He doesn’t see how JC is feeling here, because JC’s feelings are just so illogical...

‘Although it was only Wei WuXian’s casual words, he held mixed feelings, because he knew that this wasn’t a lie.

Jiang FengMian had never hurried to another sect in one day for anything related to him, no matter if the issue was good or bad, large or small.

Never.’

Once again, JC’s at the conclusion that JFM dislikes him, he twists events to support this. He’s looking at this scenario very strangely - JFM didn’t rush to CR because he likes WWX, he was called there by LQR, to discuss JYL’s engagement with JZX. Secondly, we’re never given any examples of scenarios where JC does anything to warrant JFM rushing over. As far as we know, they never even stay with other sects. Knowing JC’s personality, his dislike of doing anything to rock the boat, it’s extremely unlikely that he’s ever done anything to warrant JFM rushing over like this. Moreover, it’s a bizarre thing to be jealous of, WWX is in trouble, he’s not on the receiving end of positive attention from JFM. 

JC’s flawed reasoning is once again illustrated after the Xuanwu Cave arc...

‘Jiang Cheng’s expression was complicated after he had finished listening.’

This is Jiang Cheng’s reaction after WWX credits LWJ with killing the tortoise of slaughter - this is before JFM congratulates him. Before JFM says anything, JC is purely resentful about WWX having done something heroic, more so, resentful that WWX is willingly to let LWJ take most of the credit - he’s annoyed about this, most likely feeling that WWX is rubbing in his face that he doesn’t need the recognition that JC so desperately craves.

‘Jiang FengMian nodded and said, “You did well.”

Killing a giant 400-year-old beast at only 17 was way beyond what one would call ‘doing well.’’

JFM knows about JC’s… issues, he knows how he’ll react to WWX’s receiving recognition, he likely purposefully downplays his praise to avoid upsetting him. (Who’s really being favouritised? Lol)

But, even to this, JC reacts badly, he lashes out at WWX, once more interpreting him in the worst possible way.

‘Jiang Cheng hissed, “Too fucking bad, then. You shouldn’t have been so damn stubborn and you shouldn’t have cared so damn much about such a trivial thing. If you’d never moved in the first place –”’

JC’s response is to basically tell him the entire incident was his fault. Which is objectively not true - WWX only gets involved in the conflict after it has already started, and then he acts deliberately to try to end it, rather than impulsively fighting. He also starts to say that WWX should have left their allies - LWJ and JZX - to die. This is where JFM cuts him off, and tells him it’s not appropriate to say such things - he’s not scolding him harshly, JC is not being unfairly treated here, he’s done wrong, and JFM is trying to teach him why, you know, parenting. But JC, and YZY, take this to mean JFM dislikes JC.

JFM tries to teach JC about the Jiang sect’s motto once more - this is of course, not just about the motto, but about the values that JFM wants to instill in him, as a parent.

This is where Madam Yu arrives.

“Yes, he doesn’t understand, but what does it matter, as long as Wei Ying understands?!”

Of course, what she says is nonsensical, it does matter to JFM that JC understands the motto, that’s why he’s trying to teach him. If he did not care, he would have given in already.

This is further supported...

‘Jiang Cheng’s appearance and temperament all resembled his mother’s. Jiang FengMian guided him from childhood, but no matter how much he tried, he still couldn’t change his son’s nature. As such, it always seemed like he disliked his son.’

JFM has never been dismissive of JC just because he’s YZY’s son, he’s always tried to teach him, but JC always had his mother’s nature - YZY’s nature being harsh, standoffish, foul tempered, with no care for others - Note that is says it ‘seems’ like he dislikes his son, solely because he’s trying to teach him to be a better person. He has good reason for doing so - as a kid, JC never had friends, he doesn’t seem to as an adult either, he only has Jin Ling, whom he pushes away with his foul temper. JFM was just trying to raise JC to being an even-tempered person, capable of functioning in society, which is kind of what parents are supposed to do. But once more, this is taken as dislike.

Note that during JC’s outburst, every single thing JC claims about what JFM thinks of him, he’s parroting what YZY has said, none of these points have any actual evidence.

The next point to consider is how JC blames WWX for the fall of LP, despite it objectively not being his fault - JC knows this too.

‘In his heart, Jiang Cheng knew clearly that back in the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter at Dusk-Creek Mountain, even if Wei WuXian hadn’t saved Lan WangJi, the Wen Sect would have found some reason to come over sooner or later’

Even if WWX’s actions did prompt the Wens to act sooner than they otherwise might have - coming sooner or later would have made no difference at all because YZY outright stated she had no intention of preparing for an attack, even after WWX suggests they should, and JFM was still going to the Wens asking for their swords back - they were still uselessly trying to suck up to the Wens, thinking it would save them.

Despite knowing deep down that WWX was not to blame - he still uses it to fuel his resentment of WWX, because the resentment was there from the beginning, the only uncertainty is the means he uses to justify it.

During the ancestral hall confrontation - he uses this excuse again.

‘Jiang Cheng responded contemptuously, “You really are forgetful. What’s called a shameful person? Let me remind you. Just because you decided to be a hero and save this Second Young Master Lan, the entire Lotus Pier including my father and mother was buried. If this wasn’t enough, after the first time, you still want a second time, even wanting to save Wen-dogs and implicating my sister and her husband, how noble of you. Even nobler, you are so magnanimous to bring these two to Lotus Pier. Allowing the Wen-dog to stand at the front of my gates and letting Second Young Master Lan offer joss sticks, purely trying to antagonize me.’

Obviously, WWX did none of these things to antagonise JC, in fact he was going through a complex emotional journey of realising that he has feelings for LWJ, and that LWJ probably has feelings for him too, he doesn’t go to the ancestral shrine to mess around - he’s ‘introducing’ LWJ to JFM, YZY, and JYL, because he’s thinking about marrying him.

The problem is, JC never really sees WWX as a person, WWX has always been more of a concept - someone to compare himself to, the reason his father doesn’t like him, the reason his mother uses to berate him. It doesn’t occur to JC that WWX is a person outside of what he is to JC, and he is therefore incapable of empathising with what WWX might be feeling right now, instead the only possible conclusion is that he’s antagonising JC.

He follows the same line of thinking when WWX defects with the Wens. JC knows what he and WWX owe them, in fact JC owes them, far, far more than what WWX does - it was his parents whose bodies Wen Ning retrieved, and it was him who WN had to rescue from LP. But JC thinks, he can get away with not paying this debt, so why should he? JC is selfish, he doesn’t understand why WWX would want to help others when he doesn’t have to, so JC concludes, this is WWX showing off, ‘playing the hero’. 

Because from the moment they met, JC has never tried to know WWX for who he is, whatever WWX does, JC interprets in a negative light - when WWX tries to get LWJ’s attention, (despite it being painstakingly obvious that WWX has a crush on him) JC concludes that WWX is messing around foolishly, without reason (parroting the untrue things YZY says about WWX always seeking trouble). When WWX wants to help people, he’s playing the hero, one upping JC. JC only ever thinks of WWX in relation to himself - when WWX disappears for three months, JC’s immediate complaint is that WWX kept him waiting, that he’s put JC out by making him search for him. You could argue that JC was just worried about WWX, and not able to express it - and on some level that’s true. But there’s a very intentional contrast between how LWJ and JC react to WWX’s return - LWJ is worried about WWX, about how his cultivation method is affecting him, moreover, WWX is very clearly not himself. JC, however, does not care for that - he only sees WWX, and modao, as a tool for killing Wens.

It takes almost nothing for JGS to manipulate JC into turning against WWX in ch.73 - he readily believes every negative thing JGS says about WWX, despite being called out directly for lying by LWJ. JGS talks as if he is a servant who has forgotten his place, unlike JYL, JC does not defend him. He refuses to speak up for him - he claims that no one will - yet LWJ and MianMian did. JC didn’t turn on WWX because it was impossible for him to speak up - he was living proof that WQ and WN did not support the Wen sect in the war, he drops him the moment he can because he’s resented him from the beginning.

Another interesting tidbit about JC just fundamentally not understanding who WWX is as a person, is that he only blames LWJ for the Xuanwu Cave incident - not JZX, despite him behaving no differently to how LWJ does. This is probably because he realises WWX’s fixation on LWJ, and supposes that this is the reason that WWX got involved in the conflict. But of course, WWX would have done something whether it was solely JZX, or just a random person.

Taking all this into account, it seems almost inevitable that WWX and JC would fall out eventually, because JC was, from the start, looking for reasons to dislike WWX, he turns against him at the first opportunity he got. For the ‘Yunmeng bros’ to have a healthy relationship, JC would simply have to fix his entire personality.

JC is unable to see WWX as a person, right up until the very end of the novel - when he recalls how he impulsively put himself at risk in order to save WWX. Finally, for the first time, JC is able to understand why WWX stood up for others in Xuanwu Cave, why he helped the Wens, because JC did the same thing, put himself on the line for WWX, probably the only time JC has ever acted so selflessly. And this is why he lets him go, he lets go of the things he blamed WWX for. For the first time, he is able to empathise with WWX, he understands that WWX was never ‘playing the hero’, seeking praise or recognition, he understands that WWX helps people purely because he feels in the moment that it’s the right thing to do. This is what enables him to finally let go of WWX.

I’m always a bit baffled when people claim mxtx never gave JC a happy ending, because this is his happy ending - him being able to realise that WWX never wronged him - when he finally lets go of this, he can live freely. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 301: All My Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: We learned that when a bunch of superpowered villains are suddenly set loose with nobody around to stop them, things get fucked pretty quickly. Old Man Samurai and a bunch of other useless people decided to make “I pretend I do not see it” their new mantra, and resigned. Endeavor had a moment of despair on account of being crushed by the guilt of having ruined the lives of himself, his family, and basically everyone else in the entire world. For various reasons the heretical notion of “person who has done bad things feels sorry for doing them” sent fandom spiraling into a meltdown, so that was fun. The chapter ended with the entire Todoroki clan descending upon Enji’s hospital room to have a dramatic chat about Touya and All That General Fuckery.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “here’s the story of how Baby Touya slowly went insane trying to win his father’s love.” It’s a tale full of subverted expectations and heartbreaking inevitability, and also like twenty panels of the cutest fucking kids who ever existed on planet earth, who are so fucking cute that I can’t stop thinking about their cuteness even with all of the horrifying family tragedy unfolding around them. It is absolutely ridiculous how cute they are. Touya is out here pushing his tiny body past its limits because he inherited the same obsession as his dad and neither of them can put it aside even though it’s destroying them, and yet all I can think about is Baby Shouto’s (。･o･｡) face. Anyways what a chapter.

so I have to confess that even though I managed to avoid being caught off-guard by the early leaks, the number of people reblogging my Endeavor posts from earlier this week and using the tag “bnha 301” kind of gave me an inkling that this chapter will include more Tododrama lol. that said, I don’t know anything else about it, so we’re still good spoiler-wise

AHHHHH FLAHSBAKC AHHHH. omg I know I typoed the shit out of that, but I’m just going to leave it lol I think it’s fitting

holy shit holy fuck. so this is Rei and Enji’s first meeting, then??

yepppp, oh shit

so wait, I know this is not even the slightest bit important, but are they meeting at Enji’s home or Rei’s? because I always figured that Enji was the one with the super-Japanese aesthetic, but maybe that was Rei’s side of the family all along

(ETA: from what I found during my very brief google search, omiai meetings are often held at fancy hotels or restaurants, so maybe that’s what this is.)

there’s such a period drama feel to this setting. like it’s so outrageously formal fff how can anyone stand this kind of atmosphere though seriously

OH THANK GOD

I mean they’re still stiff af but at least they’re not rigidly sitting in seiza and staring at each other unblinkingly anymore lol. Enji’s actually got his hands in his pockets now. why is this somehow almost cute

oh damn it’s the flowers

Rei seems so subdued and it’s so hard to get any idea of what she’s actually thinking. I want to see her side of this dammit

but anyway, so at least from Enji’s perspective it seems like even though the marriage was arranged and he picked her because of her quirk, he still loved his wife and wanted to do right by her. the fact that he was watching her and noticed that she liked the flowers, and remembered that detail for all these years -- there’s a reason why Horikoshi’s showing us this. we know what’s going to happen later on; we know how much fear and violence and breaking of trust is coming up ahead, and while it may seem like this scene is serving to soften Enji’s character further -- which to be fair it is -- it also helps drive home the full impact of his abuse. that it’s so terrible not only because of the trauma of the abuse itself, but also because of the way it retroactively destroys all of the good things as well. this could have potentially been such a sweet scene, but it’s inescapably tainted by the knowledge of what’s to come, at least for me. and that’s just brutal

anyways, shit. is the whole chapter going to be like this?? feel free to toss in something I can actually make a joke about sometime, Horikoshi

oop, back to the present

omfg lol

“are you all right” “NO I’M NOT ALL RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK.” “oh, right, because of all the stuff that’s happened with me abusing you and you having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for ten years and then our son coming back to life and killing thirty people, right, right. I almost forgot.” whoops

omfg you guys I’m loving this new and improved steely-eyed Rei. I’m loving her a lot

and what do you mean “part one” fkjds how long is this going to be. TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ONE CHAPTER TO HANDLE

oh, hello

yeah I’ll say you did. didn’t seem to bother you much at the time, though

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Dabi Is A Noumu intensifies even further. anyways though would you fucking look at this boy lounging on this moth-eaten couch doing his best DRAW ME LIKE YOUR FRENCH GIRLS impression wtf

Dabi what if you actually had killed him??? what would you feel?? satisfaction?? regret?? anything at all?? tell me your secrets goddammit

who are you talking to buddy

Fuyumi-chan, Natsu-kun (is it common for brothers to address each other as -kun?? can’t recall seeing that in many other anime, but hey), and “dot dot dot,,,,,, SHOUTO” lol thank you so much for this bountiful heaping of Tododrama Horikoshi we are blessed

AH, WHAT DID I SAY THE OTHER DAY

ULTIMATE MELODRAMATIC THEATER CHILD. “I’M JUST GOING TO LIE ON THIS COUCH SHIRTLESS AND ALONE AND MAKE SPEECHES TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO AREN’T THERE AND SAY THINGS LIKE ‘WATCH ME IN THE PITS OF HELL’ WITH A STRAIGHT FACE BECAUSE NO ONE’S THERE TO JUDGE ME.” WELL JOKE’S ON YOU MISTER CHATTERBOX BECAUSE I AM IN FACT JUDGING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LOL

(ETA: and on a more serious note, it’s interesting to see that “look at me”/”watch me” theme being used again though, because we see that same sentiment uttered repeatedly by the younger Touya in the flashback. well kid, you definitely got your wish at last. don’t know what else to say.)

OKAY HORIKOSHI HAS DECIDED THAT’S ENOUGH FUN, TIME FOR MORE FLASHBACKS

oh my sweet precious lord

just as cute as we left him. giving us a child this cute when we all know full well what’s going to happen to him is just unspeakably cruel though

HOMG

I’m fucking speechless. you broke me, congratulations. what am I even supposed to do with this

I can’t get over this. moving forward my life will be split into two distinct parts, B.P. (Before the Pout) and A.P. (After the Pout)

and meanwhile there’s ALL THIS BACKGROUND ANGST BUILDING UP, AND I CAN’T EVEN FOCUS ON IT. Touya’s arm and cheek are covered in bandages (I’m guessing this is shortly after that “ouch!” panel we got some chapters back), and Enji is deliberately avoiding training with him because he doesn’t want him to hurt himself further. I can’t fucking get over the irony that all this time everyone thought Touya had died because Enji pushed him too far in his training, and it turns out that it’s the opposite -- the tragedy ultimately happened because he didn’t want to push him. but I’m jumping ahead of myself though I guess

by the way,

remember this?? just wanted to remind you that it exists just in case you forgot

so now someone is talking and basically saying that Touya is the exact opposite of what Enji was hoping for when he decided to start playing with quirk genetics

-- okay hold up

...lol no, never mind. for a second I thought “holy shit he looks kind of familiar WHAT IF IT’S UJIKO OMG” before I remembered that Enji would have recognized him during the hospital capture mission if that was the case. so NEVER MIND, PROCEED

IMAGINE THAT, ENJI DOESN’T QUITE SEEM SATISFIED WITH THIS SUGGESTION OF QUITTING NOW

(ETA: how the fuck did this man go around saving 62 towns in a single day what even is All Might.)

[clicks tongue several times] trouble a’brewin’

MEANWHILE BABY TOUYA HAS UNFORTUNATELY INHERITED HIS DAD’S STUBBORN STREAK

KLDIHWOEIJFL:KSDJ

!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god. oh my god. what is this chapter. WHAT IS IT

so now Touya is all “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY MANLY DESIRE TO BURN MYSELF ALIVE” well you got her there champ

THEY’RE TOO CUTE. OH MY GOD. HIS FURIOUS LITTLE TEARS. HER CHUBBY LIL FACE. HIS STUBBY LIL FISTS. SOMEONE HELP ME

also are they just home alone lol or what. “hey Touya, you’re what, like six now?? do us a favor and look after your baby sister for a couple hours for us would you? make sure not to set yourself on fire or anything.” WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!

now it’s nighttime and Enji and Rei are arguing, presumably about his decision not to train Touya anymore

whew. okay. so, a couple of things here

1. first of all I think this conclusively shows that Enji really was trying to do the best he could for Touya. he stopped training him as soon as he realized it was hurting him, but Touya was still determined so he tried to make it work anyway, and even visited doctors to try and figure out if there was anything they could do. then, once they were absolutely sure that it wasn’t going to work, he tried multiple times to explain to Touya why they had to stop. he didn’t just abandon him out of the blue, which is really important to note. “no matter how much I tried telling him...”

so yeah, that debunks another common fandom accusation. so by the time he finally makes this decision, which we all know is going to turn out horribly, it’s basically because he’s already tried everything else he could think of. which, by the way, still doesn’t mean he handled this right. but at the very least he was taking Touya’s feelings into account and he was trying, and he didn’t just abruptly toss his son aside (at least not yet)

2. buuuut, then there’s this panel right below all that

which is the other side of it. if he’d just quit like the doctor person advised him to, that would have been the end of it. Touya would still have been upset, but he would have eventually gotten over it and the family would have moved on and possibly even been happy. but what happens next happens because Enji can’t let go. he still has this maddening urge to surpass All Might, and so he and Rei keep having more children, and then Shouto is born, and Enji finally has a kid he can start projecting all of his hysterical ambitions onto once again, and everything starts spiraling out of control soon after

though p.s. none of that is Shouto’s fault though!! he’s one of the few good things to come out of this whole mess and I’m very happy that he exists. the tragedy is that his dad fucking lost his mind over his quirk and fucked everything up. but that’s on him, not Touya or Shouto

anyways, SLKFJLSHGLKJL

I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS YOU GUYS??? LOOK AT THAT LIL BUTTON OF A NOSE??? I’M LOSING IT HERE???

AND TOUYA JUST SEEMS DEVASTATED OMG

because children aren’t stupid, after all. he understands that his dad is still looking to surpass All Might. and so he feels like a failure, and feels like his dad is trying to replace him because he wasn’t good enough. and even now, isn’t that what the adult Touya is trying to prove?? that he was good enough after all?? “I’ll show you what happens when you give up on me, dad”?? “I’ll show you what I can do”?? fuck my life fuck everything

AND YOU CAN SEE THE TOLL THAT IT’S ALL TAKING ON REI GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS WELL OH GOD

really nice touch here with the panel outlines becoming all shimmery from the heat of Endeavor’s flames (and/or becoming more unstable as the family gets closer and closer to their breaking point). but man, Horikoshi I can’t handle this, please show us more cute kids or something I can’t

GKELKWFJLDKSHFLKL

WITTLE BABE. BEEB. BUBS. SMOL. lkj; oh ouch a piece of my heart just detached and latched onto him huh look at that

TODOROKI “I’M SO SMALL AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE” SHOUTO AHHHHH

crazy how they all just seem to know right off the bat lol. kid doesn’t even have object permanence yet, let alone a quirk. but do they care?? IT’S THE HAIR, RIGHT. WE’RE ALL THINKING IT, I’M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT. they knew the minute they looked at him lol

AND MEANWHILE TOUYA IS OFF HAVING UNSUPERVISED TRAINING/CRYING SESSIONS IN THE MOUNTAINS OR WHATEVER, AND, UH OH

are those blue flames yet?? they seem pretty close

(ETA: this is one of the few cases where the manga being in black and white is infuriating lol.)

OH MY GOD AND STILL

so it’s not like he was so disinterested that he didn’t notice what was happening, and he was still trying to stop it and get through to him. trying to reassure him that it wasn’t the end of the world and there were other things he could do with his life, but this one particular thing just wasn’t going to happen

fucking hell. it’s agonizing seeing how close they actually were to fixing it. if he’d only said the right words, or if he’d realized at this point how destructive his obsession could be to his kids, and backed off from putting that same pressure on Shouto. we came so close to possibly having a happy ending

AND ALSO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT PLEASE LOOK AT HOW TOUYA IS LIKE THREE AND A HALF FEET TALL AND HIS DAD IS LIKE NINE AND A HALF FEET. Touya barely comes past his knees flkjlkg. the Todoroki household must have been so filled with like plastic stepstools to reach the bathroom sink and all the little baby toothbrushes, and baby gates to keep the kiddos out of the important grown-up rooms and stuff. and also days-old half-empty cups of water and stale crackers and hot wheels and my little ponies strewn everywhere

“BUT EVERYONE AT SCHOOL SAYS THEY’RE GONNA BE HEROES” a wild Deku parallel appears?? how bout that

I know this is like a pivotal moment in the Todo Tragedy and all, but fucking look at this lil dumpling

“sup bro, it’s me, the manifestation of your fears of inadequacy and lack of fatherly affections. a GAAA. ba-baAA-baa [gurgling baby sounds]”

OHHHHH IT’S THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING OH NO

HE WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU ENJI. good lord somebody please just get this family some therapy

“DAD YOU IGNITED IT IN ME” flkjslkj nope, nope. not ready for this pain here

baby Shouto, would you like to weigh in on this affair? “DA!! ba-ga-daaa, [pacifier chewing noises]” oh my, you don’t say. so insightful for one so young

OH MY GODDDDDD

IT’S SO DRAMATIC BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT ARE THE SHOUNEN WOOSH LINES SURROUNDING FOUR-MONTH-OLD SHOUTO LOL HE WAS LIKE THIS FROM BIRTH OH MY GOD I AM DYING HELP

SHOUTO YOU’RE RUINING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER!?!?!

“yo, the fuck kind of family was I fucking born into” oh, son. if you only knew. IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

(ETA: lmao I got so distracted by the ridiculous cuteness that I glossed over the fact that Baby Touya seems to possibly be aiming at him?? it’s hard to tell because he’s also super out of it from heatstroke and may just be losing control in his attempt to show off his upgrade.)

ANYWAY THAT’S THE END EXCEPT WHAT’S THIS LAST LINE OMG

ffffff. and we’re in for ANOTHER chapter of this next week?? MORE drama?? MORE BABIES?? MORE OF EIGHT-YEAR-OLD TOUYA’S SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT, BUT ALSO YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP

[pl-panda]

The vines that bind us - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 || Previous || Next

She was now back in Gotham and it was time to start acting like it. 

The break came sooner than expected. Mari might have actually missed it if not for the text from Chloe that they are on their way. Mr. Drake locked the doors to his office from the inside to made sure nobody interrupted him unless Batman started skateboarding in the lobby (his words). She really didn’t know what to think about the young CEO. So far their interactions were limited to the brief moment of panic before meeting Luthor, followed by this brief moment when he locked the doors.

When she arrived in the cafeteria, Chloe was already waiting for her with Ethel. They took over a table in the corner and already littered it with various documents and folders.

“Um… Hi?” Mari greeted them.

“Oh, Mari-bear!” Chloe grabbed the girl by the wrist and dragged her to the table. When she was seated, several papers were put in front of her.

“So! Ethel and I read through the contract and we have good and bad news? Which first?”

“Let’s get the bad out of the way.” Mari nodded.

“You’re stuck in that job for half a year.”

“What!?”

“Don’t worry.” Ethel palaced her. “It’s not as bad as it looks. The whole deal was that you could be hired at any point of your internship for a period of six months, after which there would be a revision of your contract to either terminate it or make it more permanent.” 

“Who does that kind of thing?” The girl shouted a bit louder than necessary, but nobody paid them any mind. Alya and Lila were clearly visible at the other side of the cafeteria with a large crowd around them. 

“It’s practically never used. I mean now you have all the benefits of being Wayne Enterprises’ employee. Plus you will actually have a salary. And Sarah’s salary was nothing to scoff at.”

“But… What about school!? I know we were allowed to leave for two months, which by itself is crazy if you ask me…”

“Given that our headmaster is an idiot that bends under whoever throws money at him and our teacher should never be allowed to be in the same room as any child…” Chloe muttered in French. 

“Yeah. I get your point. But I can’t just leave school for six months!” 

“Puh-lease!” Chloe waved her hand dismissively. “We both know you could’ve graduated in the middle of last year if that Chienne and Connard allowed you. And you would have the perfect scores. Hey! I’m sure you can sit SATs in Gotham while you work here.” 

“And my commissions?” She looked at the blonde. “Marigold Désign et Création is only starting to get some popularity. I can’t just close the store! Oh no! What about my Flower Shop in Paris? The girl I hired was supposed to work there only for like… three months best! I can’t just suddenly… Oh no! You know Sang hates being away from me! And what if Bleue outgrows her pot? And don’t get me started on Rouge! He is…’

Mari suddenly felt two hands on her shoulders. “Goldie! You’re spiraling again.” Chloe stared in her eyes. “And your eyes are showing.” 

That finally calmed Mari. She usually tried to suppress her natural look in favor of how she used to appear. Her iridescent green eyes were kept blue and dark-blue hair muted to the point it seemed black. Plus her skin was not green unless she was using her powers. She was not sure where that skill came from and she was ninety percent certain her mother couldn’t just mute her green skin and fiery red hair. Still, she was glad that she did not have to look like an Akuma 24/7. 

“Thanks, Queeny. I’d probably have a breakdown if not for you.”

“You have a Flower Shop in Paris?” Ethel asked curiously.

“My… It used to be a bakery before I inherited it. Since I like plants more than bread, I turned it into my own greenhouse. I used to only have a small garden on the rooftop, but then I kinda… filled every room with plants.” Mari suddenly blushed.

“Whoa. You sure do love plants. Are you sure you’re not related to Poison Ivy?”

Chloe half-expected Mari to start trying to deny it or babble. 

“And what would make you think that?” The girl joked instead. “Just because my plants don’t wither at my touch, I am related to a villain?” It might have come harsher than she wanted, but her bright smile and pearly voice made it clear that she had no hard feelings. 

Ethel laughed. “True. I’m sorry about the commissions and the store. I really wish there was something WE could do, but our hands are tied.”

“How am I supposed to be a personal assistant? I have like zero experience or even theoretical knowledge!”

Ethel opened another folder and read something. “Well, you were class representative, ran your own small business, kept up with school work, met with clients, and babysat several kids. That’s pretty much what you have to do now. Just make sure that the baby is doing things on time and organize his time.”

“Ha ha ha.” Chloe deadpanned. “Why not ask Nathalie? She liked you well enough.”

“I can’t just call her and ask her to teach me!” Mari protested. “I mean she must be very busy!”

“We can go find the disaster boy. He can definitely convince her.”

“I can’t just use Adrien like that! And besides, we don’t need to look.” She pointed at where the Blond boy sat next to Lila. He was clearly very uncomfortable with his situation, but they both knew that he couldn’t go against his father’s orders. Apparently, ‘Lila was good for business’. 

“Then we can go now. Thank you, Ethel.” Chloe said as she grabbed Mari and started to drag her toward the group.

“Stop it! Queenie! You know…” 

“Hush! I will deal with the idiots if they try anything.” The blonde silenced all protests.

The two approached the group just as Lila was finishing a ridiculous tale about how she was on good terms with the bat-family. Alya was of course recording the whole thing and streaming live. When the class spotted girls approaching, Kim and Ivan quickly turned into bodyguards blocking them from joining. 

“What do you two want this time?” Sabrina asked with venom.

“Like I would lower myself to dealing with the common rabble. I came to speak with the only person here who doesn’t have a negative number of brain cells, so be kind enough to let us pass. Or just pry Adrien from Lila and we will leave you to your fantasy world.” Chloe stared down at her former follower (they were never really friends).

“Nobody asked you!” Rose shouted. 

“Sabrina did.” Mari pointed out. She was not sure why, but she felt much more confident in her dealing with the class now that they were in Gotham. Maybe it was because they were now on her own turf, maybe because there was no Akuma risk, or maybe she was just done. 

“Shut up you bully!” Alix shouted. “Adrien doesn’t want to go with you anywhere!”

Over half of the WE employees disperse, not wanting to be pulled into the drama. The ones that stayed were just looking between the two groups. 

“Actually,” Adrien started, surprising everyone, Lila included. Why was her boy talking? She didn’t order him to talk. “I’m curious about what they want. The break is almost over anyway so we should probably get going back to work.” He said diplomatically. 

“Whatever!” Alya put her phone down. 

When the class and the spectators dispersed, Adrien sighed in relief. “Kwami I hope Gerard gets here soon. He usually tries to at least limit the Liar somewhat. Then again, he won’t be coming to WE…”

“It’s a tall building. I’m sure that we could make it look like an accident.” Chloe grinned.

“We are not killing her!” Mari protested.

“Spoilsport.” The Blonde deadpanned. 

“Anyway, is that a social call or do we have some situation? Please tell me it’s not an Akuma.”

“Not that I know of.” Mari quickly checked her phone, but so far no messages. 

“Mari here got hired.” Chloe did not bother with subtlety.

“Congratulation!” The boy beamed. “I knew you would do great here. We should go to celebrate on Friday!”

“Except I have no idea how to be a personal assistant.” Mari moaned.

“Oh! That’s no problem. Let me just call Nathalie.” Before the girl could protest Adrien already had his phone out and dialed his Father’s PA. “Nathalie?” He asked when the face appeared on the screen.

“Adrien. I’m sorry but your father is not here. He left Paris and won’t be returning for some time. He will be supervising the acquisition of new resources in China.” She informed him.

“Oh. That’s no problem. I actually wanted to speak to you.” He smiled brightly.

“Huh?” She asked surprised.

“My friend Marinette found herself in a peculiar situation of being hired as a personal assistant. Would you mind giving her some pointers?”

“Sure. Please forward her my personal number so she can call me in an hour. I will be free by then.”

“Thank you, Nathalie. You’re the best.” He waved the woman goodbye and hanged up. “See? No problem at all.” 

“Um… Okay… Thank you so much!” She hugged him tightly. 

“Sure. That’s what friends are for. What about the Friday celebration?”

“Well, I can give you all a Marinette tour through Gotham…” Her smile grew a little mischievous “Or you can get Marigold style trip.” They all laughed before scrambling to do their respective works.

Mari got into the elevator and pressed the top-floor button. Slowly, the doors closed and it went up. When she arrived, she looked around to check if anyone was looking for her before walking to her desk. Out of nowhere, a blade pressed itself to her neck.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” A low voice asked from her right, slightly to her back. Immediately, she tensed.

“I work here if you must know. Now I apologize for the delay if you needed something, but I was trying to sort out a certain problem. Do you have an appointment with Mr. Drake?”

“Tt. I’m not in a mood for games.” 

She smiled slightly. Acting faster than would be expected, she grabbed the blade in a monkey grip and pushed it away. The attacker then tried to swing it at her, but she managed to side-step. Doing a quick lunge she managed to punch his hand and make the blade move to the side while walking into the guard. She delivered a strong punch to his face, followed by a low-kick to the back of his knee, forcing him on one knee. The daze caused him to loosen the grip he had on the sword. Mari kneeled on his legs, pinning him down and at the same time stole the sword and threw it away. Before he even had a chance to explain anything, she delivered another punch to his head, making the boy see stars before everything turned black. 

She gathered herself and walked to the sword. It was rather simple ninjato that she stored under her desk. There was a tablet with the WE logo on it that she promised herself to check later. The intercom had at least two dozen buttons. They were all labeled with some shortcuts she did not understand, so instead, she picked the security number from her WE employee handbook and called. 

“Um… Hello?”

“Hello. What’s the problem miss?”

“Yes. My name’s Marinette. I’m the new PA to Mr. Drake. When I returned from break some boy attacked me with a ninajto. I managed to knock him out, but I would appreciate if someone came here to…” She didn’t get to finish because a burst of loud laughter came from the other side. She stayed silent for a few moments, baffled at the reaction. Finally, she had enough. “Good to know the fact that someone almost chopped me with a Ninjato is funny to you, sir, but personally I do not find the situation laughable and I would appreciate if you showed at least some concern over the terrible breach of security that is firstly bringing the sword to the building and secondly trying to kill an employee!” She screamed loud enough to make her cup of (now cold) coffee shake. Only now she realized that her hands were trembling. 

“Um… of course, madame. I will be sending someone up right away… madame.” He hanged up. She still heard that he was on the verge of laughing.

Mari collapse into her chair and stared angrily at the boy on the floor. She was afraid to walk to him. She was definitely getting some plants here tomorrow. That would make her feel safer. Nervously, she started to design. She didn’t even notice that she was using the boy that attacked her as the base. 

After a few minutes, the doors of the elevator opened and two guys in suits walked in. As soon as they saw the unconscious boy they broke into a fit of laugher. Mari stared at them before recognizing one of them as Grayson, who was giving them the tour earlier. 

“Oh! My! God! She actually knocked Demon Spawn unconscious!” The other one said through tears. Mari decided she didn’t like him either. They were supposed to be helping her, not laughing more. 

“Excusez-Moi! I was attacked here! During the tour, I was led to believe this is a respected company,” she made a jab at Grayson, who only laughed more. “In respected companies employees are not attacked with a sword when they come back from the break. So can someone explain to me what the actual fuck?!” She swore. 

“This is gold. I’m calling B. Wait! I need a picture or he won’t believe me!” The not-Grayson kept rambling, completely ignoring Mari. Angry, she picked a pencil from her desk. Taking a few seconds to aim, she threw it. The impromptu projectile sailed through the air until it hit the elevator button, making the doors open. This finally got their attention, especially since the pencil passed not-Grayson by an inch from his ear.

“What the…?” He was interrupted when the girl stormed past him and entered the elevator. She was now holding the ninjato through a tissue. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To HR. Maybe they will help me.” She answered simply and sent them a glare. “It’s clear that you two dumbasses aren’t doing anything.”

Grayson held the button, stopping the doors from closing “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be French?” Dick asked, confused by her strong Gothamite accent that showed itself.

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping?!” She shouted at him. 

“Ugh… My head…” A groan came from the floor.

“Aww… I didn’t get any pictures.” Not-Grayson grumbled.

“Tt. Shut up, Todd.”

“How is the view from down there Demon Spawn?”

“I don’t have time for games. There’s some intruder on this floor. She claimed to be Drake’s personal Assistant, but we all met Sarah.”

“Um… Baby D, did no one inform you about the french class coming for an internship starting today?”

There was suddenly a glimmer of realization in the boy’s eyes. “Oh…”

“Oh?” Mari screamed. “that’s all you have to say?!” 

Her would-be attacker jumped at the sound of her angry voice. When their eyes met, the two had a staring contest. It continued for a moment, neither wanting to leave it be. Dick and Jason observed with amazement how that little girl was able to rival Damian’s glare and not wither immediately as most would.

“While I enjoy seeing the two of you fight for dominance, can someone explain to me what exactly happened?” Todd finally broke the silence. Mari immediately turned her eyes at him. He briefly noted that her blue eyes had a green tint in them that he did not notice before. 

“What happened is like I said. I after I returned from break that imbécile attacked me with the sword. I had some self-defense classes, so I managed to disarm him.”

“Some? You had ‘some’ self-defense classes and you disarmed Demons Spawn?”

“Okay, I’ve been practicing since I was five. Happy? It doesn’t change the fact that he attacked me!”

“You’re the one that attacked me. I was merely ensuring you were no threat.” Damian tried to argue.

“By pressing a sword to my neck?” She asked/shouted. “Please! This is Gotham.”

“She has a point.” Dick decided to intervene. “Okay. We will make sure that Damian won’t bother you anymore… and maybe add some bonus to your next paycheck for the trouble he caused. Our father will definitely hear about this.”

“Your father…?”

“Bruce Wayne.” 

“Oh… Fine. But I’ll be keeping the ninjato for now.” She said in no-arguing tone. It was clear that Damian wanted to argue, but his brothers pushed him into the elevator while Mari walked to her desk. She put the sword under the desk and mentally added some hooks to her shopping list. If that rich idiot thought he would get away with attacking her with a sword, he was sorely mistaken. 

The tablet turned out to have a complete calendar with all planned meetings, a ready to-do list, and access to inter-department chatrooms. There were more apps that she decided to look up later. For now, she opened Mr. Drake’s schedule. He had quite a lot of office hours, but she also noticed that there was a press conference set on Friday, several meetings throughout the week, and a few other stuff. Definitely much cleaner than Adrien’s schedule that she already knew by heart.

As the hour was mostly up, she knocked on the office doors to see if her boss needed something done. He shouted a barely-audible ‘busy’ and she did not try to intrude. Probably some important stuff. She pulled her phone and called Nathalie’s number that Adrien sent her earlier. 

“Hello, Marinette.” The woman greeted her. 

The next several hours were spent on the crash course about everything that being Personal Assistant boiled down to. Ethel was right. Her work as Class Rep, babysitter, and the business owner gave her quite a few necessary skills. What nobody mentioned (because nobody knew) was that her obsessive Adrien stalking also came in very handy. Most of what she practiced with Nathalie was about dealing with people and applying her skills in the new job. By the time her work was ‘over’, she had a bit more confidence. Mari was still panicked over the amount of responsibility that befallen her and the additional work and reading that she would have to do after hours. It was a pure blessing that this day was empty. Nathalie also gave her an incredible amount of pointers about how to deal with situations when the Boss is absent most of the day. She could guess that Gabriel kept dumping more work on the poor woman as he locked himself away to design. The last thing before she entered the elevator was to pull out the drawers in her desk and hide the ninjato behind them. It fit perfectly and the drawers didn’t seem that out of place. She suspected the boy would try to take it back when she was gone.

As she was leaving the elevator to meet with her class, she spotted Chloe talking lively with Ethel. Madame Bustier came through the main entrance. Once the class gathered in one place, she gave some speech about how proud she was of them and thanked Lila for the opportunity. Mari used that time to check on the class. Some looked quite happy, others had sour moods. Adrian managed to sneak away from Lila and was hiding behind the girls.

Just as they turned to leave, the front doors burst open and several guys (and one woman) in green suits with purple question marks walked inside, followed by a man in a similar suit. He carried a cane with a question mark on top and a green bowler hat with a single question mark in the center. Mari resisted the urge to gag. The fashion disaster that was Riddler entered the house. Seriously! Who mixes deep green with neon purple? And not to even mention the Hawaiian shirt she could spot under his suit. Whoever dressed that guy deserved to be shot. And it had to be a custom job, because what store would dare to sell such monstrosity!? She also noted that people got on the ground so she did the same. Her senses tried to reach to nearest plants for some comfort, but all of them were fake. Why does no one keep real plants in this building? Then again, Mr. Drake had and they were almost dead.

“Well, hello Wayne Enterprises!” He greeted them. “Riddle me this: It belongs to you, but other people use it more than you do. What is it?”

“Name,” they heard a voice say from the back.

“Yes.” Riddler seethed. “And I really don’t like it when someone uses mine in their ridiculous stories. Now, which of you can tell me where I can find Lila Rossi?

NEXT

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

i am not a hero pt 2: all will be well

Part 1 | Fanfiction Masterlist | AO3

A/N: Sorry this took so long! Warnings: descriptions of racism, mentions of alcoholism

"Thank the angel you're all here," Cordelia exhaled as she arrived in the room about the Devil's Tavern. "Have you heard? Alastair was-" She stopped herself as she surveyed the room, registering the looks the Merry Thieves were giving her. "Oh, no. No, no, no." She turned to James. "Tell me you didn't have anything to do with this." 

"Daisy-" 

"Tell me!" 

"I can't lie to you." 

She stumbled backwards, her heart shattered. James reached for her, but she protested. "No! Don't touch me! You can’t lie to me? All you have done is lie, apparently. You didn't... You didn't even tell me... I thought we were doing this together... I was such a fool.”

"Cordelia, you know we had to keep it from you," Matthew explained. "You're rather... overprotective." 

She laughed. "Overprotective? I care for him, Matthew, because he's my brother. I know him as well as I know myself, though I understand if that's confusing for you, seeing as you've never had a brother worth caring for." 

"Cordelia," James said sternly, a warning. "We understand that you're upset-" 

"Upset? You have betrayed me! You could have told me the truth, and I would have helped you. I would have shown you alibi, I would proven to you with evidence that it was not him-" 

"If there is evidence, it will be presented before the courts, and all will be well." 

"You don't get it! You don't. You- I thought all this time that it was me. That I didn't understand the world or society or friendship or... marriage because I was raised isolated from the Clave by an inattentive, narcissistic drunkard." She enunciated each other her final words with all of the vitriol she'd been suppressing since her father arrived in London. "But I was wrong. It was you. You all... You live in a fantasy world, one that your parents created for you. And that's fine. that's good for you, I'm glad that the people in your life were capable and willing to do that for you. But the world does not work the same for all of us." 

"Really, Cordelia? You wish to speak of the world and how it works for -- and against -- each of us?" Matthew challenged. 

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Whatever do you mean, Matthew?” 

“You, what? Don’t believe we know what it’s like to be prejudiced against? Would you have said the same while Alastair himself was ridiculing James for his parentage or me for my… presumed sexual proclivities?” 

Cordelia gawked. "That was over four years ago, Matthew! He said foolish things and he regrets them, yet you continue to live in the past. Not only do you hold mistakes you all made as children over his head, but you dare compare your experience to his? You can go anywhere, do anything, without anyone knowing what you do with your nights. Perhaps you wear that carnation, but you can take it off, Matthew. So, James’ eyes are golden. Tell me, James, when you were eight years old, were you kicked out of the general store because the townspeople believed you to be stealing for no reason other than your golden eyes?” 

James was silent. 

“So, please, tell me again how you understand what it’s like to walk in my brother’s shoes.” She turned back to Matthew. “You were given everything, Matthew. You have all the money you could ever dream of. Your parents love you unconditionally. You choose to live your life openly. Perhaps you should not need to choose, but you do, and it is a privilege to be able to make such a choice so freely, knowing that you will continue to be safe and cared for. Not everyone has such luxuries. My brother no longer even has a choice; you have taken it from him." 

Silence had fallen over the room. The boys had always understood that they were very lucky in life, just as they had understood, on some level, the ways that their parents had been unlucky. However, it was easy to live a lucky life and forget to consider how those around oneself may not afford the same privileges. James looked to her finally. "What... What do you mean by that? What choice?”

She turned to him with a blank expression, then sighed. "I suppose the whole Clave will know soon, anyways. As you know, with the memory magic being used, the Clave needs alibis. Alastair has only got one, and I can’t imagine it will end well for him." She turned to Matthew and sighed, "You and your brother have been given everything. I have no doubt in my mind that Charles will not be held at all responsible for the realities of their affair. He will continue with his life unscathed, to marry whomever he chooses, to obtain any position he chooses, to live whatever life he chooses, just as James would have even if he had not married me. Because that is how the world works. Alastair will be seen as the one who persuaded him into such proclivities.” She paused before muttering under her breath, “Not to mention that I haven't the slightest idea of what will happen when my father learns the truth.” She took a breath and continued, “So, to make a long story short, James, no, I do not believe all will be well.” 

“Cordelia,” he started, “you must believe that we had no intention of exposing anyone’s personal affairs. It was not personal at all; we are only trying to put an end to this mess.” 

“Well, congratulations, James. An innocent man has been arrested, your killer still walks free, and my family is in ruins. I believe you have accomplished quite a lot.” Her eyes scanned the room. Matthew looked to be in a state of shock, Christopher in confusion, but her eyes settled on Thomas, his head hung low, his face turned away. “I… I may not have expected this, but I can believe it well enough. But, you, Thomas? How could you?” 

He looked up at her, tears on his flushed cheeks. “Cordelia, I-” 

“Tell me, was any of it real? Did you ever truly intend to be my brother’s friend, or was it all just ploy for your little detective game?”

He shook his head. “Sort of, at first, but-” 

“I trusted you!” She yelled before restraining her anger. “He trusted you. After everything, after Charles and- I thought that finally, finally my brother had someone in his life who was kind and gentle and caring. Someone honest and trustworthy, but it was all a lie. You used him, too.” 

“Cordelia, I- I’m so sorry.” 

“You are not who I thought you were." Her words echoing ones that Thomas had once spoken. Unlike Thomas,’ however, her realization held no trace of anger or upset. No, her words were spoken only in true fear.

Seemingly finished with the boys’ stunned silence, she took a breath. “If you will excuse me, I must take my leave. James, my mother and I shall be staying at the Institute for the time being, so it would be in your best interest to avoid it as much as possible. There’s not much of a point in continuing this sham of a marriage, seeing as I haven’t got a reputation to save, so I will write to the Consul first thing tomorrow morning requesting a divorce. Then, you shall have what you always dreamed: you will be rid of my family and I forever.” 

“Wait-” James cried, his voice breaking. 

“You are dead to me, James Herondale.” 

Without waiting for a reply, she darted out of the room. 

The four boys were left, staring at one another. Thomas unsuccessfully attempted to stifle his tears while James looked to be on the verge of a complete breakdown, his torso trembling. 

“What, are you two bloody heartbroken now?” Matthew mused. 

Thomas slammed his fist on the table loud enough to alert the whole establishment. “Fuck, Matthew! Shut up!” 

“Thomas, you found the bloodied dagger and Ms. Highsmith’s necklace in his bedroom yourself. We saw him walking around downtown the nights of the Gladstone and Beauvale murders. Whatever Cordelia claims, I truly don’t think we’re wrong about this.” 

“And what if we are?” Thomas challenged. 

“It could have been planted,” Christopher offered. “And there could be many reasons that he was out those nights. After all, we were, too.” 

“Which reasons, Christopher? Have you ever seen him in a bar? He doesn’t even drink. He’s hardly more than a lowly shut-in.” 

“His father does,” James said quietly. 

Matthew glared. “What?” 

“His father drinks. I don’t… I don’t know a lot about it all, but it would follow that if Elias were out drinking again and did not come home, Alastair would be the one to go out looking for him.”

Matthew groaned. “Fine, if we are truly pursuing this, then what? We’ve got maybe half a day if we’re lucky before Alastair is to go before the Mortal Sword.” 

“Then we have half a day to find the true culprit,” Thomas announced, regaining his resolve. 

“If Alastair is our only lead at the moment, we must pursue it,” Kit offered. “Who could have planted it on him? What motive would they have to frame him? Who would have had access to his bedroom?” 

“Well, I can answer one of your questions,” Matthew said nonchalantly. “Who wouldn’t want to frame Alastair Carstairs for murder?” 

“Matthew, if you’re not going to be helpful, please be quiet,” Thomas said in his usual gentle but stern manner, though the complete opposite of the last time he’d asked his friend to be quiet. “Sona is nearly always home; it would be very difficult for someone to enter the house uninvited and not be seen. As Matthew put it, Alastair is a bit of a shut-in, but he’s clearly been going out more, especially at night, since his father has returned. Sona’s been having trouble sleeping as of late, though, so even getting access to his bedroom at night would be difficult. They’ve only one servant, Risa, so there’s truly not many folks moving about the house regularly.” 

“Since when are you on a first-name basis with Mrs. Carstairs?” Christopher commented in confusion, and Thomas blushed. 

“What do you recommend, then?” Matthew asked. 

“Kit is correct, it’s our only lead. We must return to Cornwall Gardens. If we’re lucky, they may have left something behind, or perhaps there’s some sort of record of visitors to the house.” 

James looked uneasy. “This seems wrong. Maybe we can still go after Cordelia-” 

“There’s no time, James,” Thomas admitted. “She’s too angry with us. I’m no happier about it than you are, but if there is any way that we could possibly fix this, we must do it.” 

He nodded. “Let’s go, then.” 

“Won’t there be people at the house?” Christopher asked. “The sun has not even set yet.” 

Thomas sighed. “Cordelia is taking Sona to the Institute, and I’d imagine Risa is accompanying them, at least for the initial journey until she is settled. Elias is just a risk we’ll have to take.” 

As they ventured out, however, they were not even out the doors of the tavern before Thomas stopped in his tracks. If looks could kill, Matthew would have murdered Thomas several times over by now. “Elias is here,” he whispered. 

“What?” James narrowed his eyes. 

“One of us should stay here and keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t return to Cornwall Gardens until it’s been cleared. Besides, I don’t want him interfering with Cordelia’s plans, either.” 

“Are you volunteering, then?” Matthew asked. 

Thomas thought for a moment. “I suppose so. I’ve done my searching already; it’s better to have some fresh eyes. You and James know the layout of the house well enough.” 

“Very well,” Christopher declared. “Thomas, I shall send you a magical letter when we are finished at the Carstairs residence.” 

Thomas narrowed his eyes with worry. “Please don’t. I’m rather weary of fire.” 

“Nonsense. The fire’s not important; it’s a magical letter.” 

“It’s a magical letter that you send by lighting it on fire! It should be called a fire letter!” 

“Fire letter,” Christopher hummed. “No, that’s not quite right. No, fire message! I shall send you a fire message, Thomas!” 

“Alright,” Thomas whined. “You all should go, we haven’t got much time.” 

“Thomas, are you sure you want to stay here?” James asked. 

“I’ll be fine. He’s a drunk; I’d be surprised if he even stood up before you lot were finished. I just want to make sure.” 

James gave him a short nod, and they took their leave. Thomas settled down at a corner table, pulling out a notebook from his pocket and pretending to be fixated on it while he kept his eye on Elias at the bar. 

Just his luck, and much to his surprise, Elias stood to leave not long after the rest of the Merry Thieves had departed. Thomas waited for a moment after he left, and then went out after him. He stepped out onto the street, looking for a sign of where Elias had gone, but he quickly saw only darkness as a cloth was wrapped around his eyes and nose and he was subdued, quickly losing consciousness. 

A/N: I also just wanted to clarify a couple of things, I believe that the Clave will come to certain conclusions and Charles will not refute them, not that he would create the lies himself. These conclusions make sense to me, not only because Charles is a white boy who is seen as an “insider” (which they would try to rationalize), but because orientalist beliefs have hypersexualized the Middle East for centuries, associating MENA with “deviant” male homosexuality. This is believed to be one of the (many) reasons queerness is rejected so thoroughly in the MENA today, and I think it’s important to consider how ideas like orientalism impacted lives in historical fiction, although the concept had not been coined or studied yet.

taglist (lmk to be added!): @littlx-songbxrd

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 7  Escape From the Bulb Creeps

Journey to the Past

We are fresh on the heels of the deaths of both Lapin and Peppermint Preston (Reeces in Pieces) but there’s no time to mourn because the remaining 5 PCs (Zac is absent all episode) are all fugitives of both church and state. With everyone stunned and out of sorts, Jet takes the lead and begins running towards the alleyway she banished Thad to several episodes ago on a goof turned escape plan. And none of the adults have a better plan so they follow her without argument or question. Ruby sends Yak up to help scout and, as they’re running, each of the group have flashbacks to simpler times:

Ruby: Ruby sees herself practicing acrobatics on the castle walls having just seen the Swirler Sisters perform. Her mom makes her come down and scolds her for not taking her princess duties seriously. Royal life is hard enough without her making it harder with her flights of fancy and she should be training to be ready for it.

Amethar: Amethar sees himself at the Stone Candy Mountain mid-war with his four sisters who have just got the news that he married Katherine Ghee--his dairy wife we learned about 2 eps ago. His oldest sister--General Rococoa--is livid about the shortsightedness and political implications of him marrying a commoner. St. Citrina, the third sister, comforts Amethar and says that if he really loves her, the marriage should stand. The youngest sister, Princess Sapphria, is chill about the whole thing and thinks (1) it won’t matter since he’s so far down in the line of succession and (2) he should have a good time if he wants to. Something ~crazy~ would have to happen for Amethar to ever get the throne so it would be *stupid* to waste time worrying about. (Thousand yard stare.) Lazuli shows up and is very fuzzy on where in the timeline they are--showing her background as a divination wizard--before congratulating Amethar on his marriage. Rococoa wants the marriage annulled and Citrina says that, for that to happen, Amethar and Katherine would need to be in the same place with the priest who performed the ceremony--Father Belford. They can take care of it after the war if Amethar wants. In the meantime, they tell their dad *nothing*.

Liam: It’s Liam’s 14th b-day and he’s still living with his dad (Joren Jawbreaker) and his mom (Spearia Mentha--a cool Vegetanian hippie woman) and his 35 other moms and dads (polygamy is big in the Sweetening Path apparently). His dad shows up and has trouble remembering his name but does present him Preston as a pet which he’s pretty stoked about. Afterwards, he meets up with his mom who says that his entire extended family talked about his going to Castle Candy as a ward/political prisoner and have decided that he can, but that he should be careful. The outside world isn’t as accepting of other spirits and ideas. Back in the present, Liam feels something dark inside him grow with the loss of Preston. Ice creeps up on his crossbow and his magic changes (mechanically speaking, he has gone from a Beastmaster to a Gloomstalker Ranger).

Theo: It’s Theo’s first day on the job as Lazuli’s ward and, after getting some business done (including a short conversation with a cotton candy monk who seemed suspiciously fleshed out to just be a random NPC) she turns to him and asks his opinion on non-sanctioned magic. Theo (who insists on addressing her by all of her titles) says that magic has never been his thing. He doesn’t have the mind for it. Lazuli takes issue with that assertion and Theo is forced to consider that he might be limiting himself for no reason. Lazuli says that she’s realizing that magic is a lot bigger and unknowable than conventional wisdom suggests and then Theo runs off to fetch her more parchment.    

Jet: Jet is 14 and practicing fencing with Calroy. He gets the point with a fencing dagger (which is apparently a thing, confirmed by my one friend who fences) before they ease into a conversation about politics. Calroy asks her if she sees herself challenging convention and we all know Who Jet Is As a Person so her answer (big yes) isn’t surprising. What’s slightly more surprising is that Calroy candidly agrees with her that change is good and needed. A lot of people would love change but most of them aren’t situated in such a way that they have the power to bring about any. Calroy says he looks forward to her reign and they continue sparring. 

Back to Reality 

In the present, church bells toll behind them and Ruby feels a piece of paper fly out from her pocket--it’s the “For Candia” note from Lapin. She grabs it with her Mage Hand and just feels like the worst person on the planet for being mean to Lapin all these years and then watching him give his life for them. He presented as boring and lame but he was a good man. 

They all reach the delirious Thad (he’s been in this alley since episode 3) who Jet flirts with to try and get his carriage but Liam circumvents that by getting a Nat 20 to fully knock the dude out. The servants with him flip out but Jet threatens them into running away and, before they can get very far, Ruby casts Sleep on them which drops them. Then, she casts Disguise Self and Prestidigitation so she looks and smells like Thad (we’re also blessed by Siobhan’s ridiculous French accent) and goes out to Thad’s carriage with Jet on her arm, lying to the servants there that Jet has been knocked up and they have to have a shotgun wedding. Her deception check succeeds and the footman declares, “To the cathedral!” NO. Beach wedding! It’s a beach wedding! They all pile into the back of the carriage--Ruby up front since she’s pretending to be Thad--and head out.

While they ride, Liam unsuccessfully tries to cry quietly and Theo eulogizes Lapin and says that what happened to him was no one’s fault. Jet asks Amethar if he had a death wish back in the Cathedral and Amethar, not in so many words, admits that he did. Yak comes back down from scouting and relays that the Glucian Road (the way back to Candia that they came) is about to be absolutely crawling with imperial soldiers. And cutting through Fructerra to the north (the shortest route) is also bad because that’s Plumbeline’s territory and she’s already proven herself untrustworthy. That leaves the “safest” options Brightgarden (basically the Vatican City of this world so not really a place they wanna be right now) and towards the Harbor. 

Everyone takes another minute to have a full breakdown--especially Liam who is coming to terms with the fact that he’s gonna have to be a war guy now--and Brennan rolls death saves for Thad (he lives) before they get back to business. If they want to go to the Great Stone Candy Mountain (Where Joren Jawbreaker is), going by sea is faster. Ruby points out that they’ll have to go into the territory of Cordeau (aka, Lord Bleu--the suspicious cheese dude Primsy is lowkey courting) if they go by sea but Theo points out that they’re F’d no matter where they go so they lock in the plan. 

A Fun Boat Ride

Once they get to the docks, Brennan points out that none of them have sailing proficiency (Emily: I have tarot cards) so if they just grab a ship with no crew, they’re for sure gonna die. They’d previously asked Calroy to ready a ship for them but they have no idea if that happened and they don’t have a way to ask him. The only ship they recognize in the harbor is The Colby--Annabelle’s ship. And, what do you know? She’s on the ship at that very moment, officiating a wedding for Primsy and Lord Bleu. The dude works fast.      

Theo sees that they’re casting off soon and also that Morris Brie is walking around all agitated and worried--looking for Manta Ray Jack they guess. Liam casts Pass Without Trace and Amethar gets a Nat 20 to open one of the cargo crates they’re going to load onto the ship so they can hide inside (leaving Yak and Sprinkle outside to be their eyes). While they’re in there, they hear Primsy and Bleu talking and learn that he’s gonna be following behind in his own ship (since he’s captain) and they’ll meet back in Lacramor. We also learn later that his ship is called the Dairy Heir because Brennan was put on this earth to test me.

Ruby hears that Morris Brie is still walking around all worried and decides to Message him in Lacra. “Manta Ray is Captured. The House of Rocks has Fallen. All is Lost. Help.” She calls herself a friend and, on a 20 Persuasion, Brie thinks she’s a spirit. She tells him where Jack is and calls him a good man when he agrees to check.

Brennan rolls for an unspecified thing in front of the board--saying they need an 11 or higher and want a 15--and gets a 12. 

The ship is held for a while, long enough that they’re loaded into the cargo hold, and Brennan narrates everything that happens from the eyes of Yak and Sprinkle (bending the rules a bit so everyone gets the benefit of knowing how Ruby’s clutch move played out):

Annabelle is agitated, waiting for Brie and Manta Ray so they can ship off. A messenger comes to her with the information that the Emperor is dead, Candia is at war with the Concord, and Amethar has been excommunicated. Primsy, who is technically in charge, reacts exactly how any sane 16 y/o would--she has absolutely no idea what to do. Another messenger shows up with a bloody letter (and, sidenote, I need Brennan to stop cursing us with detailed info on how various food people bleed. It’s extremely unsettling) from Brie which she reads and before deciding to ship off immediately. 

The Candians decide to stay hidden for an hour which is good because 30 mins later, the ship is stopped and boarded by imperials (lead by Grissini). They check the barrels but not the crates because no one would be able to open them. Well, no one except Amethar on a Nat 20. They’re not found and the imperials leave.

After the hour is up, Ruby can see through Yak that there aren’t any ships except for the dairy ones escorting Primsy back home and there are only about 12 people on the Colby. There’s a long discussion about the best strategy--Should they go up or call someone down? Should they talk to Primsy or Annabelle? Should Jet volunteer as a hostage?--before Ruby makes an executive decision and decides to Message Primsy.

“Primsy, I invoke the friendship of House Rocks and House Lacra.”

On a 20 persuasion check, Primsy, like Brie, thinks she’s a fairy or a spirit, which she is childishly excited about. Ruby says that if she comes to the hold, she’ll show her a secret and Primsy, who has apparently never seen a horror movie before in her life, comes right down. To her credit, she does ask if she can bring Annabelle, but Ruby says no. But that doesn’t deter her. Once she’s down there, Theo, who also has the Message cantrip, says, “Don’t scream, no matter what you see,” which is absolutely the worst thing he could have said and, on a 3 Persuasion--plus Amethar bursting out of the crate to try to show her she’s among friends, Primsy has the correct reaction which is to scream bloody murder, calling down basically everyone, including Annabelle.

Everyone throws down their weapons (Jet just stows hers in her back pockets) and Liam tries to hide but gets a Nat 1. Annabelle is, of course, furious that they’d stow away while fugitives, endangering them all but Ruby is able to slightly charm her (non-magically) and she reveals that the letter she received before says that Brie rescued Manta Ray and they’re hiding in Comida. Ruby is relieved her plan worked and, when Annabelle scoffs at her for taking credit for the work of the spirits, hits her with a Message to prove her abilities. Annabelle seems taken aback that, even while wanted fugitives of basically the entire world, Ruby would take any of her precious time to help Manta Ray. “[He’s] a good man,” Ruby responds, as if the decision took no thought at all. Primsy comforts Liam as he breaks down over the loss of Lapin and Preston again.

Brennan has everyone do a group persuasion check where only one of them cracks a 15. Annabelle and Co. are really in a terrible position here. These are their allies but they’re also being hunted right now and the Dairy Islands really cannot afford to be at war with the Concord. Helping them would be tantamount to a declaration of war. “Please don’t make us make you,” Ruby says. Annabelle scoffs that even if they kill her, either her crew would kill them or they’d kill the crew then die at sea. Ruby apologizes for the empty threat and says she’s just scared. 

Annabelle decides that they can’t help them but they also don’t have to fight them. They’ll take them to Lacramor as prisoners and then assemble a council to figure out what to do with them. In the meantime, they’ll be clothed and fed and brought to a room without chains. The Candians, who don’t really have a ton of options here, agree. 

Sacre Bleu

Soon after they’re situated (they get a short rest here), Primsy invites them to the Captain’s Quarters (which she shares with Annabelle) for tea. She doesn’t allow herself to say anything that would jeopardize her country’s position, but she seems very much on their side and confident this will be sorted out once they land and the council discusses it. She’s also excited for them to meet Lord Bleu, which they’re...less enthused about.

Ruby tries to get it into her head that she’s a strong, independent woman who doesn’t have to just do whatever he says--or even what Annabelle says--but it seems that Bleu has gotten to her first because Primsy says that he tells her that too and that he’s right about everything. Theo asks if he has any enemies in his house and she says no, confused about why he would ask. Jet decides to fully let the cat out of the bag and says that someone from Bleu’s house attacked them. Primsy, with shockingly little genre savviness, says that there have been a lot of deaths in Bleu’s family to get him to the place in the line of succession that he is and that they did get a letter from Plumbeline saying that Amethar would probably be named successor but if not him then it would probably be her. And if anything happens to her, guess who’s suddenly in charge? None other than Lord Consort Cheddar, aka Bleu. Theo tries to tell Primsy to watch her back but, on a 2 Charisma check, he just pisses off yet another House Cheddar lady and Primsy leaves for the Crow’s Nest to catch a glimpse of her new husband on his ship. On a Nat 20, Jet stealths behind her to protect her.

Liam goes to find Annabelle to try and convince her to drop them off at the Candy Mountain instead of Lacramor. He starts well with a compliment (“Your haircut looks fresh”) before trying to pimp out his harem of parents in exchange for the ride and rolling a 4 Persuasion. Liam submits to the slap he knows is coming--but it misses due to Ruby’s Hex giving her disadvantage and making her take her Nat 1 instead of her Nat 20. As she stumbles forward, she notices something in the distance and walks off to check on it, Liam following behind her. 

Brennan has Murph make three mystery luck checks in the box of doom because he is the enemy and Murph rolls a 7, 16, and a 14. For Murph, pretty good!

They’re just about at the Yogurt Shoals (Bleu territory, you’ll remember) and they notice that all the other ships except for the two house Bleu ones have veered off in another direction. 

It starts to rain milk (Brennan seems to indicate that’s what the 7 roll was) and Annabelle yells at Primsy to come down from the crow’s nest. Primsy notices that the other ships are gone right as arrows start to fire from the Bleu ships to hers. Jet, at once, shields Primsy from the barrage. 

Annabelle tries to get them out of there in a hurry but finds the sails are damaged and the House Bleu ships sidle up along the Colby and pull a Ben-Hur, tearing up the sides of the ship until it begins to sink. Everyone roll initiative!

Also, it’s Zac’s Birthday. 

Happy Birthday Zac.    

Medal of Honor

Gotta give out our first double medal of honor this episode, fittingly, to the twins who were on fire this whole episode. 

At the top of the episode when no one else knew what to do, Jet took the reins and picked a plan and everyone else was swayed by her force of will and didn’t even ask any questions. And then later, when Theo fumbled his diplomacy, she again acted on impulse and put herself in the perfect position to protect Primsy.

And then Ruby--in the talkback, they said they were talking about “Ruby’s Big Day” which was great because so was I in my head. Taking her magic--the very thing that put her in so much danger--and turning it to their greatest asset with the clutch disguise and then using the hell out of the Message Cantrip? Lapin has been dead for less than a day and she’ll already taken the position of party Face.

Very Galaxy Brained moves from our girls this ep.

Sunny Side Up

The immediacy of the “Do you think she’s gonna get off?” response from Ally was like they’d been waiting their entire life to make that specific joke. 

Also on the topic of Ally just literally saying anything, watching everyone break as Liam described the game “Stairs” was an experience. And Brennan having to react to that as a parent and acknowledge it was full abuse gave me shades of Kristen talking about all the cult literature in her family’s house that Brennan was hearing about for the first time in that moment. 

The whole sequence in the alley with Thad was such a perfect moment of catharsis after the heaviness of everything else. That, “Point with my hand or?” Siobhan’s French accent. Liam hitting a Nat 20 to knock Thad TF out. Everyone coming up with plans on the spot on top of each other and the big, “NO!” after Brennan’s, “To the cathedral!” The rubberband needed to snap back to comedy for a bit after last week and all those flashbacks and they did it perfectly here.

Jet already having a “Bastard Jet” tattoo and Murph improvising that she made him do it with a cantrip.  

“Advantage for boldness and disadvantage for madness.”

Things I’m Concerned About

Short list this week because the answer is basically “everything”.

Brennan. Brennan, if anything happens to Primsy...I know that this is all pre-recorded and whatever happened already happened but if Primsy is hurt in any way...Brennan…

Very interesting that the Pontifex OK’d the wedding of Primsy and Bleu basically immediately while all manner of insanity was going on but couldn’t find the time to get the emperor paperwork filled out. And by interesting I mean she’s a snake. 

A big ocean battle after only a short rest? With no healer? Don’t care for that one bit. 

I would not want to be Katherine Ghee right now. Idk what she’s doing but if she’s alive and well, I have to assume her life is about to be filled with BS.

Liam’s rage (which he talked to Amethar about) seems like the kind of thing that becomes a problem either for poor decision making reasons or literal communing with evil spirits reasons. So I’m for sure monitoring that situation, just in case.  

Understandably, the gang wasn’t able to go for their allies this episode, but that puts them in a BAD position to put it mildly. If Calroy did ready that ship, it’s possible that at least some of the rest of the Candians will be able to get out once they hear the news. Fingers crossed for those guys but it would be a fittingly brutal story move if all the fun, tutorial level NPCs just get executed now that we’ve left the starting area (which already was pretty brutal to be sure). 

Five More Things

It took me saying the episode title out loud while writing this recap to understand that it was a Bloodkeep reference. I was like, what a weird thing to call an ep. It doesn’t fit the titling conventions for this show at all.

Loved getting to see Amethar with all his sisters, even with the ouchiness of knowing how that all panned out. I especially liked Citrina as a foil for the Pontifex. If the Bulb is nothing but raw power divorced from morality then it’s nice to see someone who has a connection to that power using it in the name of love.

Theo continuing to use everyone's titles even after all that happened is so true to character. Also: “Call me Bastard Jet.”/”As you wish, your highness.”

Zac’s character didn’t show up this ep so I’m very curious when it’s gonna happen. It could happen in the battle ep--some rando helping you mid life or death battle would give very wary people a reason to trust a stranger--but it seems more plausible it would happen next story ep. I wonder if that cotton candy monk mentioned is gonna be his next character. I wonder if it’s gonna be a candy person at all. 

Listening to Ruby and Theo talk about how mean they were to Lapin and how guilty they felt about it was A Lot. Like, we only had him for 6 episodes but they have an entire lifetime of history with the dude and Murph and Siobhan really made that hit home in their tiny moments. It was A Lot.

Also! This has nothing to do with Crown of Candy and it’s circulated a bunch already, deservedly so, but I wanna shout out this hilarious Fantasy High animatic by @morikorii. Super happy we’re starting to get kickass animatics for D20 stuff from crazy talented artists. 

[bloody-bee-tea]

A happy New Year

Who says Happy New Year stories can only be written close to New Year’s Eve? No one, that’s who.

Jiang Cheng is ready to leave. He has been ready to leave for the last hour, and while usually he doesn’t give a damn about what anyone thinks about him, he can hardly leave this New Year’s Eve party before midnight.

He will leave five minutes after the new year started, though.

Jiang Cheng sweeps his eyes over the present people again. Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang are much more drunk than they should be, trying to get Lan Wangji to drink as well. Yanli is trying to keep them from doing anything too stupid while Jin Zixuan is hovering over her shoulder like the love-sick puppy he is and Mo Xuanyu is trying to egg Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang on.

Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao are off to the side, watching the drunken shenanigans with amusement and worry, and when Jiang Cheng’s eyes fall on the third person standing with them, he pushes himself off the wall.

He spends enough of his time making eyes at Lan Xichen. He refuses to do it in the new year as well.

Jiang Cheng knows that his affections for Lan Xichen will never be returned, and it’s high time he finally accepts that as well.

Jiang Cheng has barely taken a few steps into the room, before Wei Wuxian spots him and bounces over to him, to drape himself all over Jiang Cheng’s shoulders.

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian whines and when Jiang Cheng is hit with a frankly disgusting cloud of alcohol breath he pushes Wei Wuxian’s face away from him.

“Get off me,” he grumbles, but Wei Wuxian only clings harder to him.

“Don’t leave,” Wei Wuxian whines in his hear and Jiang Cheng sighs.

“I’m not,” he promises, because he isn’t. There are still seven minutes left until midnight, after all.

“You were walking,” Wei Wuxian complains, even as Jiang Cheng continues to walk, Wei Wuxian’s almost dead weight hanging limply off him.

“To get some fresh air,” Jiang Cheng explains to him, though he’s not sure how many of his words really reach Wei Wuxian in his drunken state.

“No leaving before the time,” Wei Wuxian says, as if that makes any sense at all, and Jiang Cheng finally pushes him off completely.

“No leaving,” he promises, because he knows his brother will just continue to cling to him otherwise and Wei Wuxian smiles very brightly at him.

It immediately makes Jiang Cheng tense. And rightfully so, it seems, when Wei Wuxian turns around to face Nie Mingjue, Meng Yao and Lan Xichen.

“Did you hear, Xichen-ge, he’s not leaving yet!” Wei Wuxian calls through the room, all eyes falling on him and Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes to keep the urge to kill his brother at bay, and then he simply stalks out. He lets out a relieved breath when he closes the balcony door behind him, even though he almost immediately starts to shiver, since he didn’t bring his jacket.

Jiang Cheng leans onto the railing instead of turning around to look at Lan Xichen, to see how he reacted to Wei Wuxian’s words.

He doesn’t want to know, he keeps telling himself. He doesn’t.

Lan Xichen is everything Jiang Cheng aspires to be, one day. He is a successful CEO of his family’s company, highly praised for his ruthlessness in dealing with official business and loved by his employees and family for his gentle and understanding character.

Jiang Cheng knows his personality is too far off to achieve the last part but he still hopes for some respect from his employees, once he firmly settles into his new role at the family company.

It’s not what he wanted to do, take over the company, but he has had years to come to terms with it, since his parents have made it quite clear that this was supposed to be his path. This, and nothing else.

Jiang Cheng thinks he’s never seen his mother as proud as when he received his business degree. It almost makes up for the fact that he has hated every second of that major.

When the balcony door behind him opens, he whirls around, scathing reply ready on his tongue, but he snaps his jaw shut when he sees it’s Lan Xichen who steps up next to him.

“It’s cold,” Jiang Cheng says, without looking at Lan Xichen. “You should get back inside.”

He’s not prepared to deal with him in person. He never is. He can do it in his office, like he had to just recently, but this? In this intimate setting? Not a chance. Jiang Cheng loves him too much, thinks him too beautiful, inside and out, to ever deal with him like this.

“You didn’t bring a coat, either,” Lan Xichen gives back and comfortably settles next to Jiang Cheng, clearly intent on staying.

“Lan Jingyi?” Jiang Cheng asks after a truly uncomfortable silence and Lan Xichen smiles down at his hands.

“With my uncle for tonight, as is Sizhui,” he gives back.

“Would you not rather spend New Year’s Eve with your son?” Jiang Cheng asks.

Lan Xichen has only adopted him a few months back, but it’s clear he loves him dearly. Jiang Cheng was beyond happy for him, and for Lan Jingyi for having such an amazing father, but it just drove home the fact that Jiang Cheng must be nothing but a stupid child in Lan Xichen’s eyes.

Here he was, becoming the perfect father, while Jiang Cheng regularly had breakdowns over his work at the company.

“He’s too young to stay up until midnight,” Lan Xichen says with a shrug. “And besides, I hoped to see you.”

“Yeah, right,” Jiang Cheng mutters under his breath and turns his head away from Lan Xichen.

“I wanted to congratulate you on your degree,” Lan Xichen continues, seemingly not put off by Jiang Cheng’s brusque demeanour.

“Thank you, I hated it,” Jiang Cheng honestly gives back.

“Why did you choose it then?” Lan Xichen asks with a small frown and Jiang Cheng scoffs.

“Because I had to? My mother didn’t leave me much choice.”

“Oh, I apologize, I meant the other one,” Lan Xichen says, chuckling and Jiang Cheng freezes.

He can’t know about that. No one knows about that, not even Yanli and Wei Wuxian. His mother would kill him if she finds out.

“I don’t have another one,” he stiffly gives back and Lan Xichen turns towards him fully.

“Then it wasn’t you I saw at the graduation party for the architecture majors?” Lan Xichen pleasantly asks. “And it isn’t your work that’s displayed so proudly in your office?”

“What the fuck,” Jiang Cheng mutters, because no one, no one has come to the conclusion that the sketch of a mansion in his office is his own design.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jiang Cheng gives back and Lan Xichen bows his head.

“I will not tell anyone, if it’s not your wish. I’m sorry I brought it up, I just thought how talented you are. It was meant to be a compliment, nothing more.”

“I’m not talented,” Jiang Cheng sighs and then decides to just fuck it.

Lan Xichen already knows, after all.

“I hate business,” Jiang Cheng says and decidedly does not look at Lan Xichen. “I never wanted to be CEO, but I knew I had to take that position. I wanted one thing for myself, so I took architecture at university, first as a hobby, but. Yeah, I stuck to it. I had a double major, not that anyone knows that, and I found a small independent firm who agreed to take me on as a freelancer, and to keep my name out of it.”

“That is incredible,” Lan Xichen honestly says and Jiang Cheng has never done well with praise, so he turns his head away.

“Shut up.”

“Would you tell me the firm?” Lan Xichen asks, and Jiang Cheng glares at him.

“It’s supposed to be a secret!”

“And it will remain that,” he promises. “My brother is looking to build a house where his rabbits get a few rooms to themselves, if not a whole floor. So far he wasn’t very lucky in finding someone whose sketches please him.”

“I don’t need you to give me jobs,” Jiang Cheng bites back, but Lan Xichen just smiles softly at him.

“I’m not. My brother will diligently check the work of all the employees there and choose the one whose style he likes best, if any at all. He turned down all the major companies so far.”

Of course Lan Wangji would be picky as hell.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to admit it, but a house that’s partly inhabited by rabbits is quite the challenge. He can’t deny that he already has a few ideas though, and his fingers itch for a pencil and some paper.

“Fine,” he eventually huffs. I’ll send you a mail when I’m back at the office.”

“Thank you,” Lan Xichen earnestly replies and Jiang Cheng cannot take it when he smiles at him like that.

He turns around, only to see everyone inside focused on their watches.

“Seems like it’s time,” he says and can feel how Lan Xichen turns around next to him as well.

“Seems like it,” he agrees and Jiang Cheng startles badly when Lan Xichen carefully takes his hand in his.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, and while Jiang Cheng wants nothing more, he can’t.

Not like this.

“Don’t do this because of some stupid tradition,” he snaps and snatches his hand back, even takes a step to the side.

He almost hurts with want, but not like this. Not because it’s a thing that everyone does. Either Lan Xichen means it, or he can fuck right off.

“Okay,” Lan Xichen softly agrees and Jiang Cheng’s heart sinks in his chest.

Of course he wouldn’t really mean it.

“Happy New Year,” Lan Xichen says when everyone inside starts cheering or falling into each other and Jiang Cheng clenches his fists.

What a great way to start with his New Year’s resolutions.

“Happy New Year,” he still says, because for all that he hurts, he cannot be rude to Lan Xichen.

They stay outside for a few moments longer, spend in blessed silence, before Jiang Cheng decides he’s had enough. When he pushes himself away from the railing, Lan Xichen catches his hand again.

“May I kiss you?” he asks again and Jiang Cheng can feel anger bubble up in him.

“Midnight has passed,” he snaps back but Lan Xichen just meets him with an even look.

“Yes, it has. So there is no tradition to fulfil. I simply wish to kiss you. Have for a while, to be honest,” he explains and Jiang Cheng flushes at his words.

“You—how can you just say that?” he wants to know as he buries his face in the hand he still has free.

“Hinting didn’t get me anywhere,” Lan Xichen says with a shrug, only causing Jiang Cheng to blush further. “I thought a more direct action might bring better results.”

“If you’re toying with me,” Jiang Cheng threatens, though he doesn’t know how to finish that.

If Lan Xichen is toying with him, Jiang Cheng’s heart will break and it will crush him. It doesn’t make for a very effective threat.

“I would never,” Lan Xichen promises and gently tugs at Jiang Cheng’s hand, still in his. “May I?” he asks again and this time, Jiang Cheng isn’t strong enough to say no.

Hopes that there is no reason for him to say no.

“Yes,” he whispers and Lan Xichen doesn’t hesitate. He cups Jiang Cheng’s face in his and guides their lips together.

It isn’t heated at all, for which Jiang Cheng is glad, because he’s sure his knees would have given right out, but it’s firm and steady, making it clear that this is not a one-time thing.

“Happy New Year,” Lan Xichen mumbles as he brushes their lips together again and Jiang Cheng sighs against his lips.

“Happy New Year to me indeed,” he mutters and shivers when Lan Xichen presses his laugh into Jiang Cheng’s cheek.

He’s going to get addicted to this, he already knows it, not that he minds that much. There are worse things to get addicted to, after all.

[beabea-ff]

Sorry, I can’t

Words: 990 Pairing: Chandler x Reader

Prompts: #5  “I’m pregnant” #7  “Did i say that out loud?” #11  “Can I buy you a drink?” (slightly edited)

Masterlist (mobile version)

requested by anon

The last few weeks have been rather erratic for you, and you haven’t had much time to spend with your friends and with your boyfriend for that matter. Because of this, the whole gang decided to enjoy a poker night at Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Everyone is sitting around the kitchen table, Joey in the chair in front of the fridge — for easy access to the food, obviously — with Monica to his right and Ross to his left. Next to Monica there’s Rachel and then Phoebe. You are sitting between your boyfriend Chandler — who’s sitting next to Ross — and Pheebs.

It all started as a light hearted game, but as it always happened when money and Monica were involved, it got more and more competitive.

Everyone but you and Monica folded out and are quietly looking at  you. They all know both of you are the most competitive people in the group and the tension is palpable. The staring match is on, and neither you nor her seem to be willing to give up. At that moment Chandler decides to get up and get a beer, he’s in front of the fridge when he turns around and asks you “Hey, hon, do you want a beer?”

You are so focused on the game that you answer without thinking. 

“Sorry, I can’t. I’m pregnant.”

The sound of shuttered glass makes you realise one little detail.  Oh crap, did you just say that?

You had wanted to do something cute and prepare Chandler for it, you weren’t planning on dropping the “p-bomb” just like that. Well, you have just done that, so there’s no gain in planning fancy things now...

“You what?” is all Chandler manages to say.

Everyone is as shocked as your boyfriend... Joey is looking at you with wide eyes, Ross keeps looking between you and Chandler, Rachel is covering her mouth with her hands for the surprise, Phoebe is looking at you and grinning and Monica too is staring at you. For God’s sake, Monica Geller is so surprised that she hasn’t reacted to the spilled beer all over her floor.

“Did I really just say that?” you ask yourself. Please tell me I didn’t. Please please please.

“Yeah you did!” chips in Phoebe. Thanks Pheebs.

You once again look at Chandler. He’s standing there, next to the fridge, as still as a statue, looking right into your eyes.

“W-w-wh-...wha-... w-w-w-...” is all he manages to say.

Well, he’s taken it well, you think, at least he hasn’t run away...

You put your cards face down on the table, get up and, being careful of the glass pieces covering the floor, you go to Chandler, take his hands in your and guide him to the couch.

You can feel everyone’s gaze on you, but you don’t care right now. You need to clear things up with you boyfriend. After all he’s the one who will become a father.

“Chandler, sweetie, you ok?” you ask him, but he doesn’t answer. You can see he’s thinking, trying to wrap his head around the big news you dropped on him like a bucket of iced water.

“Great job, Y/N! You’ve finally made him speechless. I’ve been trying to do that for year!” Phoebe says before she’s hit by Monica who glares at her. “Oh, ok. I’ll shut up.”

You silently thank Monica for her understanding when you see she’s ushering everyone out of the door toward Joey’s and Chandler’s apartment, leaving the two of you alone to figure things out.

“We’re having a baby...” it’s little more than a whisper, but you hear it clearly.

“We’re having a baby!” you confirm, “are you ok with it?”

“No, yes ... I mean... uh... I don’t know... I’m so confused right now, I don’t know what to think. I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another person? I’m not ready.”

“Well, then you’re lucky. You have a little less than eight months to get ready and used to the idea.” you smile before snuggling closer to him.

He visibly relaxes and hugs you to his chest. You stay like that for a while before he speaks up.

“So, you’re ok with this?”

“Yeah, I’m fine... I mean, I had a huge breakdown when I found out three days ago, but I’m getting used to it.”

“When were you planning to tell me?”

“I don’t really know, next week probably. I wanted to do something nice for you before I dropped the p-bomb.”

“The p-bomb?” he laughs, “I like it!”

“I’m sorry I told you like that. It slipped my mind. I was so focused on the game... I bet I scarred you for life...”

Your hands are now on his cheeks, gently stroking his face.

“Ah, don’t worry. I’m already scarred enough. You can’t fuck me up more than I already am.”

He kisses you, a long kiss that makes you understand how much you love him. It’s getting deeper and deeper and in a matter of seconds you find yourself straddling his lap.

You stop when you hear someone clearing their throat.

“You’ve already managed to spill beer all over my floor, are you also planning on ruining my couch?” Monica asks, hands on her sides, while sternly looking at you.

You get up and take Chandler with you. Once you both are standing, he comes behind you and hugs your waist.

“Actually, Mon, that’s where we conceived the baby...” he says before bursting out laughing at Monica’s horrified face.

“And he’s back!” you say, before adding “Sorry Mon, he’s just joking.”

“He better be...” she feigns being cross, but it doesn’t last long because she’s soon hugging you both and congratulating you.

It doesn’t take long before you are having a group hug and your friends are toasting to the new member of the group.

[bunnis-babes]

What would you think what kind of fathers would Daichi, Asahi and Tendou be🍼? Could I please get some headcanons thank you.

Daichi, Asahi, and Tendou as Fathers.

Man I’ve been struggling to choose what to write… I decided on this one because… Idk its super fucking wholesome and I need that shit after my huge as fuck breakdown last night.

Daichi

🦵🏻Lets just say this to start: he isn’t called dadchi for no reason.

🦵🏻He definitely wants a family with his future love, through adoption or natural conception he doesn’t care. He just wants a family to love and care for.

🦵🏻Who are we to deny him of this right?

🦵🏻He would like at least three kids, and a big fluffy doggo whose supposed to be a guard dog for the kids, but winds up being a glorified show puppy.

🦵🏻Anyway, this isn’t about the dog its about the kids. Speaking of, he winds up having twin girls, a boy, and his youngest is another boy. The age gap between the youngest and the oldest girls is about eight to ten years for reference. He gets the dog when his middle boy is about a year old

🦵🏻He is so ready to be a father too, like he has a game plan every time his wife gets pregnant and is just so prepared for everything that is thrown his way.

🦵🏻His kids love him but hate him so much. He’s like all of their own personal cheerleader and is at every event he can get to.

🦵🏻He is the loudest in the room when he cheers too. He just wants his kids to know he’s proud. Like, while his kids appreciate it, they also get so embarrassed by it as well.

🦵🏻If they have conflicting schedules for events and things, he and his wife will split up and go to one or the other event - and if they can’t make it to one, they make it up to them by taking them someplace special as an apology.

🦵🏻Their friends love him, like they love him so much. His stupid dad jokes, his supportive and positive attitude make them all just love the guy. He’s the resident dad - the dad of all dads if you will.

🦵🏻While he and his kids may not be super open with each other, they all have this way of telling when somethings slightly off. Like he knows when his kids have done something wrong and are trying to hide it - don’t ask him how.

🦵🏻He gets it out of them too with his scary dad glare it horrifies his kids to tell him the truth every time, because if they don’t things will be way worse.

🦵🏻He also handles punishments, which aren’t like super harsh and cruel, but they are fair and they hold the kids accountable for their actions in the end.

🦵🏻His kids respect him a lot, though, and he gives them that same level of trust and respect. He trusts them to make good decisions for themselves, and won’t hold their hand through tough things, but he will offer a helping hand if they need it.

🦵🏻All in all a really good dad who earns the title and wears it well. He’s a proud dad and he will yell it if he has to.

Asahi

🐕This poor man is so nervous with kids, but he loves them so much - it’s just a lot of emotions okay?

🐕He isn’t really into having a big family at all; just him, his lover, and maybe one kiddo to care after would be enough for him. Preferably a boy, because he doesn’t want to deal with any boy drama that might come with a girl - not to say he won’t have the same issues with a boy.

🐕Unluckily (not really tho) for him he has a baby girl, who he both absolutely loves and is so scared of having at the same time.

🐕Honestly he is so scared his daughter is going to be scared of him, so he’s always so careful and cautious around her. Like she’s so tiny, and he’s so big. He’s so scared to hurt her… he just ;-;

🐕For real though he was scared for nothing, his daughter loves him so much how could she ever be scared of her daddy?

🐕When she is little though, her friends are pretty scared of him, which makes him mega sad but at least his baby loves him!

🐕Speaking of scared, they absolutely got his cowardice - so just imagine on her first day of school she’s crying and clinging to him, and he’s trying to hold back his own tears because his baby is growing up and just… ;;-;;

🐕He is also supportive much like Daichi, but in a more quiet and reserved way. Like he comes to games/concerts/etc. and he cheers, but he isn’t as involved in them as Daichi is. He prefers to be more behind the scenes cheering her on at home, and congratulating her when she is done and over with it.

🐕He and his daughter have a very deep emotional connection, and she is very open with him. Whenever anything happens he’s the first to know, and if she does hide something from him it won’t be long until she guiltily confesses whats up.

🐕Asahi can tell when something is just a little off with her, that’s how freaking observant and close he is with his her.

🐕He cannot punish her at all, like when she is in trouble he can’t bring himself to ground her or take things away so his wife has to step in and take over the punishment.

🐕Lowkey she is spoiled, but she’s still very respectful and well mannered and a good kid - she just get a lot of pampering from both her mom and her dad.

🐕As his kid and their friends get older he goes from “scary dad” to “hot dad” in a heartbeat. Like he is a heartthrob in his baby’s friend group and he has no clue.

🐕Like his daughter hates having their friends over because all they do is flirt with him, and so awkward and uncomfortable for her.

🐕It’s worse because he had literally no freaking clue what is happening, he just thinks they’re being friendly with him. He’s just happy they aren’t scared of him anymore. Poor poor man.

🐕All around he is a big freaking softie, and he loves him daughter so freaking much.

Tendou

👹Tendou doesn’t really like kids all that much - well its not like he hates them he just doesn’t really enjoy having them around sometimes. Which is fair.

👹That isn’t to say he isn’t totally against having a family with his wife, he’s just a more “go with the flow” guy, so if she gets pregnant she gets pregnant. He’d be more than happy to have a kid with her if she does.

👹He has a little boy who looks a lot like him, and he’s honestly scared. Scared that he’ll be a bad father, scared that his son will be treated like he was. Just scared.

👹His wife assures him as much as she can, but he’s still so scared. Until he holds him for the first time… and suddenly nothing else matters but his family. He realizes that he could want nothing more than what he has right at that moment. He cries like a baby

👹Man spoils his son, like he has everything that he could ever want and more because that’s what Satori Jr. deserves! (Note: His child is not named Satori Jr. as per his wife’s request).

👹His son gets so much support from both his parents, though, and even though he does get bullied from time to time he’s so strong and pushes through it - he even has a small group of friends that he’s super close to. Satori’s so proud of him!!

👹He is very involved in his son’s life, like almost overbearingly so - though his son doesn’t mind, he soaks in all the support he can get. So when his dad is on the sidelines having a screaming match with the other overly-excitable parents he works even harder and better at what he’s doing.

👹All his sons friends that have been with him since they were little love him, but his newer friends are kind of freaked out by his excitableness.

👹”Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it,” is a rather commonly used phrase in the group.

👹He has some sick sixth sense to tell when his son has done something wrong, and he isn’t shy about telling him off immediately when he sees him.

👹His son has learned not to hide things from him, because he can’t do that. Satori will always find out, and its always worse when he finds out on his own.

👹Like his punishments are a lot more extreme, but its not like anything abusive… just like more extensive yard work, or cleaning the whole house mom and dad have a them day - easy stuff but still torture for a hyperactive teenager like his son.

👹At the end of the day he and his son really do have a good relationship, one that’s filled with a lot of teasing and joking around and is built off a lot of talking and listening.

👹He’s just a man who’s trying his best for his wife and child, give him some credit!

A/N: Sorry about the wait! I meant to have this out by Saturday, but then I got sick over the weekend and having to write was just too much of a strain on my brain! I got it out today though, and I’m hoping to get more stuff out periodically through the week! Never really written for dads, nor do I have a lot to reference off, haha. Hope it was good! Have a good one though Loves! (Also do I tag this as x reader? It has elements of that but not a lot?? Oh well ig)

[doc-pickles]

i won’t hesitate (for you) chapter three

Jo is happy, at least she feels like she is. When someone from her past shows up, will her and her daughter's world ever go back to normal? Or will things change for good?

“One more big push Jo, you got this!”

Jo’s whole body was in pain, but she put as much energy as she could into pushing and was granted with a rush of relief flooding her body. She let her body fall back, Meredith rubbing her shoulder and congratulating her. Suddenly, a small cry rang through the room and Jo felt more alert than she had in hours. 

“Are they okay? Is my baby okay?”

“She is perfection, Jo,” Carina smiled at Jo, placing the tiny screaming baby on Jo’s chest. A head already full of wispy curls greeted Jo’s sight as she held the baby against her tightly. A soft hand rests on Jo’s shoulder and she has to tell her brain that it’s not Alex, that he isn’t here to meet his daughter like she so desperately wished he was.

“You look just like your daddy,” Meredith mused, looking over Jo’s shoulder at the infant. “You have his nose and chin.” 

“And by how long it took you to get here I’m gonna guess you’re just as stubborn,” Jo laughed wetly as she looked down at her daughter. “Meredith, say hello to your goddaughter, Harper Josephine Karev.”

“Oh, Jo…,” Meredith looked down at her friend, noting the watery expression she wore. “You shouldn’t have to…”

“I wanted to,” Jo sighed as she stroked her daughter's head. “She deserves a last name that means something. No matter what happened between Alex and I, she deserves to know she has a family who loves her.”

  Jo couldn’t stop thinking about the day she brought their daughter into the world. How when her water broke while her and Meredith were doing post op rounds she had cried for Alex and then continued to cry when she realized he wasn’t there. How she had dialed his number four times but couldn’t click the call button. How she held her daughter close to her body for hours after she was born because the little heart beating under her fingers was half her and half Alex. 

And now Alex was sitting next to her in an elevator while their daughter was somewhere else in this hospital scared and confused. Jo couldn’t help but wonder if God was punishing her for everything she had done wrong.

“Alex, I’m so sorry,” Jo sighed. He hadn’t said anything since she had told him that he really was a father. “I should’ve called you and I didn’t and-”

“Why are you apologizing?”

Looking up from her hands, Jo noted that instead of an angry expression, Alex looked sad. She can’t imagine why, she lied to him and kept his daughter from him for three years. She had done exactly what Izzie had done to him. Well, what he thought she had done anyways.

“Jo, I left you , you had every right not to tell me you were pregnant. I would’ve been upset too if I was in your shoes. If I hadn’t left we would be raising our daughter together right now,” Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked down at his feet. “I’m trying to be mad with you but I can’t. These past few years have been eye opening to me, they made me realize that I made a mistake when I left you. When everything with Izzie’s kids happened, I realized nothing was stopping me from coming home anymore. I came straight to the hospital from the airport because I needed to talk to you. 

I’m so sorry for leaving you, I was confused and upset and I… I didn’t think about you. And I am so sorry for that, more than I can tell you,” Alex looked at Jo, whose cheeks were wet with tears. He grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes, his voice uneven as he spoke again. “I keep apologizing but it’s all I can do right now. I wish I could take the past three years back more than anything but I know I can't do that and you’re probably still pissed at me. But I want to be there for you and our daughter, if you’ll let me.”

Jo nodded, swallowing thickly because her brain couldn’t quite think straight yet. Before she said anything she might regret, she stood and went back to banging on the doors. She needed a distraction to stop her from absolutely losing because she was on the verge of a breakdown. She didn’t like to admit it, but motherhood had made her soft.

“Please somebody, open the damn doors,” Jo’s voice is louder this time, her voice more urgent. “Damn it I don’t even know what floor we’re on or what we’re near. We could be anywhere in this death trap!”

“They didn’t call it Seattle Grace Mercy Death for nothing,” Alex chuckled. “We could be stuck here for hours and there’s no cell reception in these metal boxes. You should sit down, you’re gonna wear yourself out banging on those doors.”

Jo pressed herself against the cool metal of the door, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths as she tried to calm her breathing. Her heart began to beat out of time and her breathing became shallow. Jo could feel the overwhelming panic and anxiety she had been trying so hard to push down finally rising up. 

“What’s her name?”

Alex’s voice was soft and calming, breaking through Jo’s overwhelming thoughts and bringing her back to reality. She felt slightly relieved that she was stuck here with him instead of someone else. Even after all this time, he was still able to calm her better than anyone.

“Harper. Harper Josephine Karev,” Jo opened her eyes again to watch Alex’s face soften. “She needed a last name that meant something.”

“Birthday?”

“July 31, five days past her due date.”

“Does she like princesses? When Zola was her age she was obsessed with them.”

“She watches Moana every night before bed,” Jo laughed as she slid down the cool elevator doors to sit next to Alex again. “I think even at two she could say the whole script from memory.”

“Do you have pictures? I know I don’t deserve anything from you right now, but I at least wanna see if she looks anything like me,” Alex shrugged. 

“She looks exactly like you,” Jo pulled her phone out and found a photo, passing it to Alex. “This is her last week when she got her hair cut. She was so excited because I promised her we could get ice cream after.”

Alex stared at the photo in awe, Harper’s wide grin highlighting the Karev features of her face. Her nose, chin, and eyes were all Alex. But her smile and the cheekbones above it and sparkle behind her eyes were all her mother. Alex teared up looking at the perfect mix of him and the woman he loved. Loves . 

“Jo, she’s,” Alex smiled as he looked up at Jo, his eyes watery and tears hitting his cheek. “God she’s perfect. You did good.”

Jo nodded, she didn’t think she could say anything tangible at the moment. But she was stressed and Alex showing up had thrown her for a loop and there’s someone with a gun outside the elevator doors, someone that could be in the same room as her baby. 

“I’m so scared, I don’t think I’ve ever been this terrified in my life, not even when Harper was born,” Jo’s voice trembled as she looked at Alex. “I- she’s down there all alone. She must be so scared! She’s only two, she doesn’t understand what’s happening. Harper is afraid of the dark, she’s probably crying and and-”

Jo had finally descended into full hysterics, tears that she had been holding back all morning springing to her eyes as she began to sob. Alex moved forward, wrapping his arms around her as he comforted her the best he knew how. 

“Jo, she’s gonna be okay. I lived through one of these shootings, I’ve done this before, you know that,” Alex took a deep breath and turned to look into Jo’s eyes. His fingers moved to wipe away the tears on Jo’s cheeks as she took a deep breath. “And you… well if Harper is anything like you, she’s a fighter. And she’s gonna do fine. I can’t stop you from worrying, but I can help distract you.”

Jo looked up into Alex’s eyes, her breathing calming slightly. She knew she should be mad, furious even, that Alex left her and their baby girl. But… the rational part of Jo’s brain was turned off, her body running on pure adrenaline. Right now she was just grateful that Alex was there to comfort her. 

“Alex…,” the name came out breathy as they stared at each other. Jo couldn’t help herself as she leaned forward and captured Alex’s lips with her own. Her hands came up to hold his face, fingers tracing over the light layer of stubble as Alex’s own hands met her waist. 

She missed this, the feel of him so close to her. Jo revelled in the warmth that Alex was radiating as he pulled her fully onto his lap, his arms wrapping firmly around her. One of his hands snaked up and under her top, brushing against the underside of her breast and then going fully under her bra to squeeze her and pinch her nipple. 

Jo melted into Alex’s touch, her own hand slipping down and palming him through his jeans. She was quick to pull the zipper down and thrust her hand inside, her fingers running over him eagerly as if trying to make up for their time apart. 

“Jo,” Alex barely got her name out, his hand having gone from her breast down to the waistband of her jeans. His fingers were poised to unzip them, merely waiting for her response. “You sure?”

“Please,” Jo moaned as her eyes fluttered back open to meet his. “Alex, please. Don’t make me ask again.”

At Jo’s insistence, Alex continued what he had been doing. The duo collapsed onto the floor in a tangle of limbs, filling the small space with their moans and the sounds of their clothes hitting the floor.

[bucky-iss-bae]

Bump in the Night (Peter Hale x Reader) Pt. 2

Bump in the Night (Peter Hale x Reader)

A/N… So, I hope I followed through with this request. I tried to google the best I could in terms of having a baby, and I’m not going to lie, I’m not 100% happy with this, so sorry if you don’t like it and if you want me to re-write or do anything else then just send me a request xoxo 

Requested as a Part 2 by @logancola     

Request: Hi! I really enjoy reading the Peter Hale stories you have up! If you are still accepting requests I would love to read a part 2 to “Bump in the Night” I’d love to see how you write Peter handling Y/N going into labor!

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Peter Hale x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Just flufff 

Word Count: 1027ish

Masterlist Fandom List Part 1 

You hadn’t realised how quickly the pregnancy had passed. Despite feeling like it was lasting forever with the sleepless nights, the disgusting cravings, and the random emotional breakdowns. Both you and Peter had stuck by one another, more importantly, he was there at your beck and call.

You were basically counting down the shifts until you had finished work, getting into your final trimester, you realised how much of your body had changed. You tried to stay active, but with Peter, as a husband, it was difficult doing anything for yourself. You were grateful for that, getting exhausted by the simplest things, and baby brain was 100% real.

When your last shift had come, a lot of your colleagues had left you some baby gifts, a few of them had even come to the baby shower that was thrown for you by Lydia. But knowing that this could potentially be the last time you stepped into the office honestly made you so happy, mainly because you were sure if you wanted to go into another career after the baby was born, or if you wanted to even work, or potentially just going back after your maternity.

But when you got home that evening, you decided on writing a list of everything that you still needed to get. Especially since you needed to get a lot and get it fast. You were in the last few months of your pregnancy, and you didn’t want to properly start buying things until you had finished with work.

Both you and Peter spent hours researching and looking at things to buy, you spent so long making sure the colour scheme of the nursery would be perfect, deciding on grey, white, and yellow. You got complete new furniture for the room, enjoying your time together as you went shopping for all the small necessities and the big things. Every item piling into the nursery, aside from a small baby basket and a few other things that would be in your room for the first few months. Buying everything made it all so excited despite there being so much to buy and change around the house. But it stressed you at the same time.

“I’m scared that it won’t be done on time” You whined as you looked at the boxes that still needed to be unpacked, the cot that still had to be built, the shelves that were put up, the only thing that was ready was the wardrobe for the baby, and the chest of drawers, but they were empty. It was starting to stress you out especially since your due date was very soon, too soon for your liking, especially as you could pop at any given moment, there were less than two weeks until your due date. It was the one thing that scared you. Ok, it was one of the hundred things that scared you, giving birth. Or giving birth early, having nothing ready and having nowhere to put the baby.

“You’re tense” Peter said grabbing your shoulders and started to massage them, “You need to calm down, it’ll be done on time alright” he said kissing the back of your head before resting his chin on your shoulder the both of you looking at the mess In front of you knowing that in a few weeks this will be completely changed, “I’ve got some people coming tomorrow to start building everything. Then you can boss them around and tell them where you want everything” You felt his scruff against your neck as you turned to him slightly than the boxes in front of you,

“Let’s just build it all now” You grumbled trying to walk towards a box to unpack it,

“Woah, Woah, Woah. I don’t think so. You’ll hurt yourself. You need rest, you could pop any day now. And you don’t even know how to build half of these things” He grabbed your shoulders and pulled up back to him before he wrapped his arms around your waist, his hands resting on your bump.  

“Sure I do. You’re just underestimating my ability, and I’ll rest later on. Not like I can even rest with your child kicking me all the time” You grumbled,

Peter laughed at that, “My child kicking you now is it?” He murmured against your head, “Hmm pretty sure it takes two to tango sweetheart”

You couldn’t help but snort at that and looked down at your stomach, you couldn’t even see your toes at this point, you haven’t been able to for at least 5 months now. It’s crazy how big you’ve gotten,

“Trust me. I know Peter. You still did this to me”

You could feel his smile, “I’m excited. But don’t worry. All of this will be done. But come on, you need a back massage. A shoulder massage, a face mask, and a bubble bath”

You couldn’t help but smile at that, he knew you too well sometimes and knew that the stress was getting to you so the best way to diffuse the stress would be to have a little pamper session. No one in the pack would ever see this side of Peter, he saved it all for you. They all saw how much he cared though, and during the pregnancy, he was even more caring knowing there was two of you rather than one. But it made him feel whole again, I made him realise there’s redemption for everyone, and he’d soon have his perfect little family.

“So a little pamper session huh?” you asked him,

“Of course. Anything for my queen and princess” He said rubbing your stomach, Peter insisted that you were carrying a baby girl, but you were sure it was a baby boy. You even said he would follow in his father’s footsteps and break his Beacon Hills high record when it comes to basketball.  

**

As Peter promised he had a few people over the following day. They built everything for the two of them under your watchful eye, but then Peter paid them and sent them away before they even put everything in the right places.

“I thought they were going to put it all how I needed to?” I asked Peter, sure he had like extra strong genes but there was no way Peter and I could move some of this stuff around,

Peter shook his head, “Sadly, I’ve had to call in reinforcements that are volunteering.” He said, and as he did you turned your attention towards the noise in the house, Derek, Stiles, Scott, and Liam were all here.

“Ok” You nodded, “Cool, so, boys,” You said clapping your hand to get their attention, “Come on, this has got to be perfect”

“Also I reminded you all, she’s been bossier since she’s been pregnant,” Peter told them ignoring the glare you sent his way, but they all got to work, and Stiles helped you with making sure all the small things were perfectly sorted. You had gotten the hospital bag ready a long time ago, and although both you and Peter knew the time would be within the next week or two, neither of you felt prepared at all. It’s almost like reality hadn’t hit either of you yet. Instead, you both distracted yourselves trying to get everything perfect.

Through the day you kept on having sharp pains in your stomach, they didn’t feel that bad, they just made you catch your breath every other second, but it was when your water broke that you knew it was your contractions.

You stood frozen unsure on what to do, “Eww, what the f... oh shit. PETER” Stiles yelled for you as you started to panic,

He along with the others all ran in “What’s happened?” Peter asked running into to room to check on you,  

“It’s happening” You panicked, “Peter. What do we do, it’s way too early. Nothing is ready and...”

Peter instead stood frozen looking at the puddle on the floor before looking at you,

“Y/N. Stop panicking and let’s get you to the hospital, it’s ok, are you having contractions?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know, I think they started ages ago”

“Shit... ok shit.” Peter looked around unsure on what to do, “Let's get your stuff and go now then alright” he said to you,

Stiles grabbed your bag while Peter got you to the car, you were panicking which obviously wasn’t good, but you had no idea what to do. In your eyes nothing was ready and neither of you was prepared for this right now.

You got to the hospital and the pain had increased so much by the time you reached the hospital. The nurses took you in and soon your midwife was helping you along with Peter by your side the whole time.  

You don’t know how long you were in labour for, but Peter didn’t leave your side, he didn’t complain when you nearly broke his hand, instead tried to take whatever pain he could from you,

You felt so relieved when you heard the babies cry, neither you nor Peter wanted to find out the gender of the baby, both of you wanting it to be a surprise,

“Congratulations, you’ve got a healthy little boy, born at 18.56,” Your doctor said to you both,

You sighed in relief, feeling overwhelmed with happiness, wanting to check on your little baby. You were a mom, you and Peter were parents, once the nurse had checked him over they put him in your arms, you were in awe at how beautiful he was his hair was Y/H/C, but his eyes were just like Peters.

“She’s beautiful Y/N.” Peter said cradling his head, “I’m so proud of you Y/N. So proud” His voice was a quiet whisper as gave you a kiss on your forehead, but the next thing your Doctor told you surged even more panic through you,

“Alright Y/N, you ready to start pushing again?”

Both yours and Peters head snapped towards the Doctor, “What?” You asked,

“Your second baby is ready to be delivered” He then said, you looked at Peter who was just as shocked as you were,

“What do you mean my second baby? What?”

“Well, apparently one was hiding behind the other, but it’s time Y/N”

One of the nurses had to take your son off of you, and what felt like only moments later you had delivered a baby girl, and turns out the Doctor was right, there was no mistake, you and Peter had two perfect little babies. A little boy, and girl. Your daughter was born at 7.07pm, both babies had been weighed and measured, and spent a little time with you and Peter before you were stitched and cleaned up and taken to a separate room.

The nurses told you that skin to skin contact with both parents was a good thing, but Peter being Peter was too scared to hold them, so you were sat with both twins in your arms,

“Peter. They’re your children. You haven’t even picked them up properly” You told him while he sat beside you and instead was stroking the little tuffs of your daughter's hair as she was on his side,

“Y/N. How... I’ve done so many bad things in my life. I’ve never had so much to loose. What if I hurt them, or what if I’m not a good dad. I didn’t even get the chance to be a father to Malia properly. And now, someone as evil as I am shouldn’t have someone so innocent in their arms”

You looked up at your husband, someone you’ve known all your life, you knew him better than anyone, “Peter. You’re not an evil person, you’ve done bad things sure. But you’re not an evil person. Now I didn’t go through labour, to then find out I’ve got two babies rather than one for you to say someone so innocent shouldn’t be in your arms. Now, make sure you give support to their head, use one hand to hold her head, and the other to hold her body until you get comfortable, you’ll soon realise your princess will need her king to always protect her” You used a soft but stern voice on him, hoping he got the message. And after a little bit of hesitation, he slowly turned his body and was careful to grab your daughter that was tucked in your arm before he safely had her in his arms.

The moment he looked down at her was one you wanted to cherish forever, he had so much love in his eyes, and was so gentle, a love that couldn’t be explained, he looked up at you, a smile on his face, “She’s perfect, they both are”

You nodded, a small smile on your face, “They’re so tiny. I mean I wasn’t even prepared for one, never did I think I was blessed enough to have two” You said to him,

He just laughed, “Guess we both were right huh? A little princess and a little prince”

You nodded at that, “We were, I didn’t ever think that I could be this happy.”

As Peter was staring between the two a sad smile grew on his face,

“You ok?” You whispered to him,

“You know when I lost my family. I never thought I would have my own one day. Never thought I would feel love the way I currently do. But I’m a dad, and this time I’ll be able to watch my kids grow up. It’s given me a new lease of life Y/N. You’ve given me a new lease of life and turns out, I’ve never in my life loved anyone as much as I love you three. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life being the best father, and the best husband, supporting and protecting you all with my life”

**

When you got home, two days later you weren’t expecting the house to be better than you found it. Considering you left while trying to finish decorating, when you walked in everything was perfect. The nursery had been transformed and now had two cots in it, and double everything basically, better than you could’ve imagined.  

You turned to Peter who was setting down both car seats in their room,

“How?” You whispered looking around in awe,

“I had to pull a few strings. But you know me. I have to live a lavish lifestyle, that means all of us do, which also means you’re not allowed to stress about it anymore. Heck, I’m pretty sure it was the stress that bought you to giving birth, but it’s all sorted now. I just, I was worried you wouldn’t like it. When I came back last night, I worked with the guys all night to get it to this standard” He explained,  

“You should’ve slept. Made the most of the last night you can sleep without disturbance. But I love it” You said to him,

He grinned at that, “Good” He wrapped his arms around your waist, and you both looked down at your babies,

“We should get them settled into their new home shouldn’t we?” Peter asked,

You nodded and just smiled down at them, both you and Peter feeling more content than you ever realised was possible.

A/N: I really don’t know how I feel about this. Sorry if you don’t like it or doesnt fit your standards. But eitehr way hope you enjoyed the read x 

Anymore Fics that you want doing, send them my way my loves xoxo

[izuochaweek]

Photograph (IzuOcha Week Day 2)

Eri was sitting on Izuku’s bed reading going through his analysis notebooks while the boy did his homework at the desk. This was one of her pastimes when she was with her ‘papa’. She may not understand the notes in them but it did not matter. She just wanted to spend time with her savior turned father. The boy in question had been given full guardianship of the little girl a few months after her rescue. The reason being the fact that Eri had grown attached to him and was still very wary of other people she did not know.

“Papa,” the little girl called. Izuku winced. Still not used to being called that. Holding out a page from notebook titled ‘Hero Analysis for the Future No.13’. “Why do you have a picture of Ochako-chan beside her analysis? Why does this book look different?”

“Ah, it’s a long story Eri,” Izuku answered her with a sheepish smile while rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t want to bore you.”

“I’ll listen,” Eri said excitedly. “I like stories. Especially the bed time stories that grandpa Toshi tells me.”

“Ok then, I’ll tell you,” Izuku complied.

“Yay!” Eri cheered.

Izuku recounted past up to the point when All Might told him he could become a hero to the girl. True to her word. Eri listened to his tale. Her expression changed from one to the other as Izuku told her his life.

“I see,” Eri said with an unreadable expression. She pointed to the picture inside the book. “But that doesn’t explain the picture.”

“Ah,” Izuku said flustered and blushing. He tried to think of a way to explain it to the child but could not. So, he decided to do it plainly. “You see. Besides you, grandma Inko and grandpa Toshi, she’s the most important person in my life.”

‘Does that mean she’s…’

The next morning, it was another normal weekend for class 1A. Sato had begun making everyone some breakfast when Eri came down with Izuku after taking a shower from his morning exercises. 

“Morning Midorya! Morning Eri-chan! I’m baking some pastries,” Sato informed them. “We should have them when everyone’s here. Anyways, what would you two like for breakfast?”

“Pancakes with strawberries please!” Eri requested enthusiastically.

“Anything will be fine Sato-san,” Izuku said.

“Eggs and sausages for you then,” Sato said.

“Mhm, something smells good,” Mina said coming in with the girls of 1A.

“Morning girls! What would you like?” Sato asked getting a few request. The class loved his cooking so they tend to go overboard with the request. Something the Sugarman was more than happy to cater to. He served the food a few minutes later. The rest of the class came and they ate together as though they were one big family. The scene to which Eraserhead, Midnight and All Might walked into to.

“Uncle Zawa! Aunty Nemuri! Grandpa Toshi!” Eri greeted as she jumped from her chair and ran towards the heroes with a hug.

The group just stared at the scene. Finding it adorable. Forgetting the fact that she just called the eighteen plus hero aunty and the former number one hero grandpa.

“Hello Eri-chan,” Midnight greeted. “How are you today?”

“I’m great!” The child replied with a huge smile. “Papa’s teaching me how to draw.”

“Oh?” Midnight said. “Midoriya knows how to draw?”

“Yes! He’s really good at it,” Eri replied before running towards the table grabbing his notebook and running back to show the pros. “See, doesn’t it look exactly like Uncle Zawa?”

The heroes sweatdropped at the child’s enthusiasm. They just smiled and nodded at her. Though something besides the drawing caught their eyes.

“Deku-kun aren’t you going to visit your mother today?” Ochako asked brightly.

“Yeah I was actually bringing Eri-chan with me so she can see what the outside is like,” Izuku answered.

Hearing this Eri went to their side. Looking at the two with puppy dog eyes causing a few aws.

“Eri-chan?” Izuku said curiously.

“Can mama come with us?” Eri answered cheerfully.

“Mama!?” The group exclaimed confused. Izuku’s face turned bright red and started covering it. Having an idea of who she was talking about. The class and the teachers stared between the one horned girl and to her teenage papa.

“Eri-chan,” Mina called. A foreboding smile on her face. “Who’s your mama?”

“Mama Ochako,” Answered the little girl causing the brunette to turn the same shade as her best friend. Chaos erupted from the table.

“Midoriya!” Kaminari and Mineta shouted together.

“What’s the meaning of this!?” Kaminari asked enviously. “You’re supposed to be one of us!”

“OMG!” Toru said.

“Why is it always the quiet ones!?” Mineta said in outcry. Tears of blood falling from his eyes.

“So you finally told him, Ochako-chan,” Tsuyu said bluntly.

“Hmph, finally,” Jiro said with a sigh.

“Midoriya! Uraraka! I know that this relationship is important to you. Though I approve of this, you should not let this get affect your school work,” Iida stated while doing his robotic movements. “I will not allow any tomfoolery.”

“WHAT!?” The two screamed at the class rep. Waving their hands in front of them. “IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!”

“Revelry in the dark,” Tokoyami said.

“Congratulations,” Shoto said as he put a hand on the flustered boy’s shoulder. He turned to Momo. “Is this when we’re supposed to give them the gifts?”

‘Gifts!?’ Izuku and Ochako shouted in their heads.

“No, I do not think so,” Momo replied casually. “If I remember correctly it’s when they have the ceremony.”

‘Ceremony!?’ Izuku and Ochako screamed in their minds. Images forming courtesy of their imaginations.

“Ah, I see,” Shoto said.

“Silence!” Aizawa said pointedly. His eyes glowed red and his hair was floated. “Eri, any reason why you think Uraraka is your mama?”

“Well, papa had a picture of her in his notebook,” she explained. Opening a similar notebook to the one she showed the pros, she went to the page depicting Uravity. It had a sketch of her, stats, quirk, upper and lower limit of her quirk, strengths,weaknesses,  and a full psychological breakdown. The next page however, was very different. It showed a picture of Ochako when Izuku first met her. This alone caused questions but did not end there. It showed her birthday, goals, desires, likes, dislikes, cute little ticks and what he likes about her.

“Um Deku-kun,” Ochako said surprised. “How did you get a picture of me during the entrance exam?”

In response to Uraraka’s question, Izuku took out his phone. He opened a video and passed it to Ochako. Her eyes widened in surprise. This footage was of their first meeting. A few curious people gathered around the brunette to watch the scene unfold.

“I paused the video and took a snip of the scene,” Izuku explained as his thoughts went into a downward spiral. “I’m sorry. It’s just… It was special to me. Oh what am I saying! I’m so sorry Uraraka-san! I didn’t have any bad intentions! Please don’t hate me!”

“This kid,” Aizawa said with that same creepy smile he had during the quirk assessment test. He knew where he got the video and the picture. It came from the security footage of the day of his test. He had asked for it under the pretense of reference for future improvement which the principal was more than happy to oblige. He had questioned the principal about it before. ‘It will help Mr. Midorya in more ways than one. Ahahahaha’ remembering his words. He sighed. Apparently, like Mic, the principal was on this ship. ‘Seriously, you’re teachers, not matchmakers. How irrational.’

  Ochako locked the phone which showed her picture as the screen saver. Though, it should have been creepy. She was extremely happy that Izuku kept her close to his heart. ‘Deku-kun, you can be really sweet at times.’ She thought. Smiling at him before returning his phone.

“Did I do something wrong?” Eri asked.

“No Eri-chan,” Ochako answered while patting the girl’s head. Taking it as her chance. “It’s ok. Mama was just shocked that papa had a picture of me.”

“Please don’t be mad at papa,” Eri pleaded. “He said that besides me, grandma Inko and grandpa Toshi, you’re the most important person in his life. If you get mad, it will make papa really sad.”

‘Please kill me now!’ Izuku thought. Hiding his face in his arms. Praying that the ground would  swallow him whole. Missing the smile that the brunette had sent his way.

“It’s alright,” Ochako reassured. In her mind, she was jumping for joy.

“Promise?” Eri asked.

“Pinky promise,” she replied as she took the little girl’s pinky with her own.

“Yay!” Eri cheered. Oblivious to the bombshells and revelations that she had caused, she continued to her previous question. “Papa, can mama come with us?”

“Uh, sure,” Izuku answered in an awkward tone.

“Sure my ass!” Denki said in pure envy. “You curly haired, smooth talking SOB!”

“We misjudged you!” Mineta wailed pulling his hand about to punch their shy friend. “You! You! Player!”

“Shut up!” Katsuki shouted, stopping the students. He stood from his seat and stomped his way to Izuku. “If Deku and Round Face wants to get into a relationship that’s their business!”

‘Thanks Kacchan,’ Izuku thanked him mentally.

“And you!” Katsuki growled at his childhood friend. “Just because you got yourself a girlfriend doesn’t mean you’ve won one over me! I can have any woman I want! Round face over there must be blind to like a weak ass like you! I’m gonna beat you as a hero and as a …”

The sound of cracking glass could be heard in everyone’s minds. The males in the room went pale. Bakugo was silenced and crumbled to the ground. His eyes had rolled back and his mouth had foamed a little. Standing above him was the one horned little angel that they have come to love but instead of the usual cheerful (if she was around someone she knows) or wary expression, it was angry. 

“That’s for all the things you’ve done to papa in the past! You big bully!” Eri spat before turning back to her self-proclaimed parents with a smile. “Mama! Papa said it’s fine, will you come with us to grandma’s?”

“Okay,” was all Ochako could say. Overwhelmed by the series of events that happened in the span of a few minutes. Her face still red and daydreams of her and Izuku playing through her mind.

“Young Midorya,” All Might called, finally coming back from the shock.

“Yes All Might?” Izuku responded. Finally able to calm down.

“Come with me,” All Might said. “We need to have the talk.”

[lariosrbacreejw68insurance-blog]

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I am 18 and in a year my boyfriend and I plan to move to brooklyn. My father passed away when I was 12. I have 4 Guadians and they control the money I received from his life insurance. They set up that I don t recieve the money until I m 21. If I can prove I have an apartment and job can I recieve the money when I m 19 ?

[qqueenofhades]

the tangled web of fate we weave: vi

shh, this is very therapeutic.

part v/AO3.

Lucy gets through the next several weeks mostly on autopilot. There’s spring break in there somewhere, but she doesn’t really notice, since she spends it working anyway. Her dissertation is inching toward the final finish line, though she still has to write a conclusion, put together her bibliography (which will be an absolutely torturous process of going through the whole thing and copy-pasting every footnote – why hasn’t someone invented a better way to do this yet?) and add her acknowledgments: places she went for trips, foundations who gave her scholarship money, people she’s collaborated with, that kind of thing. Most of it is straightforward, but when Lucy gets to the personal section, where people thank their parents, significant others, grade school teachers, supervisors, etc., she stares at the screen until it goes out of focus. Ordinarily she’d write, Thanks for everything, Mom and Dad, no problem at all, but how can she do that now? Thanks for everything, Mom and Henry Wallace, except for never telling me who my biological father was? Thanks for everything, Mom, but Benjamin Cahill, why?

Lucy leaves that part undone, just adds Amy for now, and finally pushes back her chair and lets out a hoarse war cry of victory, punching the air with both fists and startling the nearby students. She emails it to her supervisor, Dr. Kate Underwood, with the triumphant subject line FIRST COMPLETE DRAFT!!!!, then cleans out her carrel with something probably akin to what a new mother feels, when they finally hand her the baby after the sweat and strife of labor. Not that Lucy’s interested in kids, at least for a while, but still.

She sleeps like the dead for the entire weekend (her neighbors are actually still being quiet, and she certainly isn’t going to tell them that she’s probably never going to see Flynn again) then gets up and goes off to her final review meeting with Dr. Underwood on Monday. Most of the changes she suggests are small, though there’s one part of the last chapter that she pushes Lucy to do a little more with. Nothing outside her usual corrections, but since that was the chapter Lucy was dramatically interrupted from writing with the Weekend of Total Insanity, it triggers something in her. In one of the more embarrassing moments of her life, she bursts into tears in Dr. Underwood’s sunny office, as her supervisor looks bewildered, gingerly hands her Kleenex, and finally asks if everything is all right.

Lucy figures that last-minute nervous breakdowns are far from uncommon for PhD students just about to submit, and there’s a ready-made way to play this off as just that, which she more or less does. There are student counseling services that she could probably make an appointment with, though they’re busy enough at crunch time that it would be another few weeks until anyone saw her. And she just can’t picture sitting across from some graduate-student psychiatrist-in-training and actually making sense of this. Has the usual feeling that she doesn’t need to burden people with her first-world problems – “starving kids in Africa syndrome,” one of her friends called it. This is a little more than ordinary, perhaps, but still.

Having promised that she will have the changes in by next Monday, Lucy confirms the date for her oral examination, six weeks from now, and realizes that she has no idea what she will be doing for that time, aside from sleeping and bingeing on TV shows. Her work is done, she has class to finish teaching but only two days a week, and her schedule gapes perilously wide open. She isn’t good at sitting around and doing nothing; can manage maybe a week or two, then she starts feeling that she needs to be productive. Another gift from her mother. She never let Lucy just veg out during the summer as a kid. She had to be doing an extracurricular, or preparing for a AP exam, or off at Young Achievers Camp, which is exactly as nerdy as it sounds. She’s not sure she even knows how to rest.

Once Dr. Underwood has sent her off with advice to get some sleep and feel proud of her accomplishment, Lucy staggers out into the world beyond Stanford like Rip Van Winkle. It’s a nice day, warm and summery and almost difficult to remember that that whole ridiculous seventy-two hours ever happened, and she pauses. Then on a sudden impulse, she digs out her phone and scrolls through her contacts. Hits call, and waits.

Wyatt Logan picks up on the last ring, sounding slightly breathless. “Hello? Lucy?”

“Hi. I’m sorry, is it a bad time?”

“No, it’s fine. What’s up? Are you all right?”

“I. . . yeah, I am. I just. . . finished my dissertation, actually. And I thought if you were in San Francisco, maybe we could meet up and grab a coffee, or. . . or something?” Her heart flutters in her throat. “Just, you know, to catch up?”

There’s a slightly awkward pause. Then Wyatt says, “I’m, uh, I’m back in San Diego, I’m based out of Pendleton. And I promised my wife we’d go to the beach today, or whatever.”

“Your w – ” Lucy can feel her cheeks turning the color of a fire engine. “Oh my God, I didn’t – I really wasn’t – of course. No, no, of course. I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

“Yeah.” Wyatt coughs. “Congratulations on finishing your dissertation, that’s an amazing accomplishment. Nothing else weird has happened recently?”

“Not that I’ve noticed. Maybe they’ve given it up.” Lucy knows this is too easy, but she wants to think so. Likewise, she both does and doesn’t want to ask. “Have you heard from Flynn?”

Wyatt hesitates. “No. I called back to the hospital a week later, they said they let him out, but I have no idea where he went. Probably off the grid. I would, if I was him. There’s an APB out, anyone who sees him is supposed to call it in. Whoever Rittenhouse is, they’re still very, very pissed.”

Lucy struggles to take this in. On the one hand, it’s good news, of a sort, that Flynn somewhat recovered and was released from the hospital, but was this because he was ready to roll again, or because he didn’t want to take the risk of lying there waiting for his enemies to show up? There are a nearly unlimited number of ways that they can kill him in a hospital and make it look like an accident, after all. If he is officially persona non grata for a lot of powerful and high-ranking people, and he’s hurt, that doesn’t sound like a good combination. Maybe he’s fled the country, gone up and crossed into British Columbia and hidden out somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. Lucy reminds herself that either way, she shouldn’t care. Whatever the hell his actual feelings on her might be, he made himself clear.

“Thanks,” she says, after a too-long pause. “Let me know if. . . well, whatever happens, all right?”

“Do my best. Congrats again on the dissertation.” Wyatt clears his throat. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Lucy echoes, cheeks still hot, and hangs up rather quickly. Well, that was a disaster. She should have known that the only guy she’s even attempted to ask out recently was unavailable, though there’s a cute-ish geek with glasses who smiles at her whenever he sees her in the coffee line. Lucy thinks his name is Alan. But not even for the principle of the thing can she really work up any desire for a closer approach. After a final moment, she fishes her keys out of her purse, heads to her car, and tries to decide if 280 or 101 will be more congested at this time of day. She ends up taking the latter, despite the unpleasant associations of recent escapades on it, up to Amy’s apartment in South San Francisco.

Lucy turns into the complex, parks, and heads up the steps to Amy’s place. She rents it with two of her friends, one of whom is named Sage Tranquility and the other of whom is usually getting arrested at protests. There’s plenty of room at the Preston house in Mountain View, it’s not like Amy had to move out, but she’s always butted heads with their mother far more than Lucy has. Said that she would rather live in a shitty apartment, away from Carol’s domineering and constant questioning about why she’s doing this sociology degree and wasting her potential, and build something that was hers. Lucy doesn’t know how much she should tell Amy, but she is the only person she feels like confiding to.

Amy opens the door a few moments after Lucy’s knock, her headphones around her neck still emitting the echoes of her music, but she pauses it at the sight of her sister. “Hey, you. What are you doing here? Aren’t you still working on your dissertation?”

“No, I just finished it. Just. Hey, are you doing anything right now?”

“No. Come in.” Amy frowns. “You don’t seem super jubilant, Luce.”

“I. . . have a lot on my mind.” Lucy blows out a breath. “I’d kind of like to talk.”

Amy agrees, gestures her in, and goes to fetch some cookies from the kitchen, before they got to the secondhand futon, Amy sits down, and beckons Lucy to put her head in her lap. “Okay,” she says. “So talk.”

As Amy gives her a head rub, which feels heavenly, Lucy closes her eyes, tries to find somewhere to start, and can’t think of any way to do this delicately. She teeters and stumbles at the edge, then finally comes clean about Flynn, about Rittenhouse, about Benjamin Cahill, about Wyatt, about everything. That it turns out they’re only half-sisters, that Carol has lied to them – to her – her entire life. That her real father is Corporate Darth Vader, and all of this. . . all of this. . . she’s slowly losing her mind, and has just squashed it down and put it away to concentrate on finishing. Now that’s done, and she’s. . . here.

Amy stays quiet as Lucy talks, until she finally chokes up and can’t finish. Then she grips Lucy’s shoulder hard and says fiercely, “We’re sisters, all right? We’re sisters. I don’t care what Mom did or did not tell you, it doesn’t change anything. We’re just the same as we’ve always been, and nothing is ever going to take that away from us.”

“Thanks.” Lucy’s voice remains stuck in her throat. “I just. . . this has been a lot.”

“Shyeah.” Amy reaches over her for a cookie, breaks off a bite, and dangles it above Lucy’s mouth like a zookeeper feeding the seals. Lucy manages a weak laugh and snaps it up, as a sigh shudders through her from head to heel. They remain in silence for several more moments, until Amy says, “So, this Flynn guy. You have feelings of some kind for him, but he’s a complete emotional disaster, not to mention possibly on the run from the feds for God knows what or where or why. Accurate?”

“I don’t – ” Lucy opens and shuts her mouth. “I wouldn’t say I have feelings feelings for him, he’s – I don’t really – ”

Amy raises one eyebrow. “Now who’s being the emotional disaster?”

Lucy feels as if this is rather unfair – she’s here sharing her problems and trying to work through them like a grownup, even if, yes, she did repress them for several weeks beforehand and hope they would go away. “I’m not the one who set my phone passcode as the day he saved my life, then told me not to fool myself that he wanted to see me again and basically vanished off the face of the earth!”

“Fair.” Amy considers this. “But you do feel something.”

“He saved my life. Twice. He did endanger it the second time, but. . .” Lucy stops. “Maybe there was something between us, or I believed a little too hard in fate or design or whatever. I could have been imagining it, but. . .”

“But you don’t think you were,” Amy completes. “He just blew it. Super hard. Complete buffoonery.”

Lucy snorts. “Remind me why I bother with men again?”

“You could always date another lady,” Amy points out. “I liked Carine.”

Strictly speaking, this is true, and does have a certain appeal after the recent overabundance of testosterone in Lucy’s life. But she dated Carine Leclerc, a journalism student from Montreal, for eight months in her senior year, and while Carine was making noises about looking for jobs in California after she graduated, it stalled over the fact that Lucy never got around to introducing her to Carol. It wasn’t exactly a secret – Amy knew, her friends knew, they went to a pride parade, there were pictures – but Lucy never talked about it directly with her mom. It wasn’t the queer thing, exactly. Just that whenever Carol discussed Lucy’s future, it always seemed to involve a husband and kids. Not because of any awe or reverence for the patriarchy – Carol gave both her daughters her own surname, rather than, apparently, either of their fathers’, and was a women’s studies professor for many years – but, well. It just did. And while you can obviously have a family by non-traditional methods – adoption, fostering, surrogacy, whatever – Lucy somehow didn’t get the impression that was what her mom had in mind. The kids just seem to be part of it. It’s why, although she’s not really had any enthusiasm for the idea now, she’s subconsciously penciled it in for five or eight years in the future, once she’s presumably met Mr. Right. Lucy has all kinds of arguments with herself over whether that makes her a bad feminist. But because it’s what her mom wants –

“Oh, God,” Lucy says hoarsely. She raises both hands to her face, then drops them. “You’re right. I really have let Mom dictate my life, haven’t I?”

The expression on Amy’s face clearly says, no duh, although she charitably refrains from uttering it aloud. Instead she says, “I still think you should have followed through on that band thing. At least it would have shown her that you can stand up to her.”

“I – no, that was definitely a bad idea, I’m glad I didn’t.” Lucy is still Lucy, and thus cannot believe that she ever treated the prospect of her education so frivolously. “But maybe if I went over there now and confronted her about Cahill – ”

“You’re sure that’s a good idea?”

“What? You’re always the one telling me to push back against her more!”

“Yeah, I know.” Amy chews on a thumbnail. “But this is more than about just that, isn’t it? From what you said about Cahill, it sounds like he’s mixed up in some pretty skeevy shit. I give Mom a hard time a lot, but maybe she did have a good reason for separating us from all that. Are you sure you want to know?”

“If they come back, I should at least know the truth.” Lucy rubs at her tired eyes with her fingertips. “I’d like to think they just gave up, but I’m not sure. Maybe if I tell her that I know, it might help clear the air.”

Amy gives her a probing look. “And are you going to tell her about Flynn?”

That catches Lucy short. She wants to say that she will, that if she’s demanding or even requesting honesty from her mother, she should be prepared to return the favor. But something – she doesn’t even know what, not quite what it was with Carine – gives her pause. “Why would I?” she says feebly. “It’s not like anything actually happened.”

“Aside from him turning up and you two going on a three-day joyride that ended with him getting shot and telling you to go piss up a rope.” Amy’s tone is more or less lighthearted, but her expression is serious. “That’s definitely something that happened.”

Lucy opens her mouth, then shuts it. She reaches for the last cookie and eats it, partly to give herself an excuse not to talk, then brushes off the crumbs and gets to her feet. “Well, if I am heading over there today, I should get going before the traffic gets too bad. I should at least tell her that I finished.”

“Because you’re hoping she’ll finally tell you that she’s proud of you?” Amy glances up at her. “You know you did a good job even if she can’t choke it out, right?”

“Of course I know.” Lucy manages a smile, picking up her purse. “See you later, Ames.”

Her baby sister hugs her, not without a final look, and Lucy lets herself out, heading to the parking lot and getting into her car. She drives down to the Preston family home in Mountain View, the attractive four-bedroom ranch house on an affluent, leafy street where Lucy grew up. Worth a tidy chunk of change if Carol decided to downsize, since it’s currently just her living there, but she has held onto it. Not good at letting go of things, Carol Preston. It is only in the last few days that Lucy has realized just how much, and it saddens her.

A light is on in the kitchen as Lucy parks by the curb and gets out. She heads up the front steps, noting that the plants could use some watering; it’s not like her mother to let things droop, or look anything less than perfect, daughters or azaleas alike. This is her house as much as anyone’s, and yet Lucy stands there for a long moment, feeling as unwelcome as a door-to-door salesman or friendly local Jehovah’s Witness. It feels as if she finally got here the way she was intending to do seven years ago – before the accident, before nearly dying, before Flynn, before Flynn’s reappearance, before Benjamin Cahill and Rittenhouse, before everything that’s brought her back. She tries to rehearse words in her head, questions, justifications. Nothing really occurs to her.

Lucy swallows hard, and rings the bell.

It takes a bit before she hears footsteps, and then Carol Preston opens the door. She looks down at her eldest daughter in surprise, or perhaps confusion. Something about her seems as off, less than pristine, as the drying flowers, and her makeup is slightly smeared, though Lucy can’t imagine her mother actually crying. “Lucy,” Carol says. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been finishing my dissertation.” Lucy twists her fingers together anxiously. “I – I did finish, by the way. Just today. Dr. Underwood gave me her final changes, Dr. Gardener in anthropology still has to look it over as well, but he’s at a conference until Friday, so that will take a little longer. But – yeah, it’s done, I did it.”

“I see.” Carol considers, then steps back. “I think we should talk. Come in.”

Lucy follows her mother inside, wondering if Carol’s guessed somehow, if Cahill came by to creep on her as well or ask why she never told Lucy the truth, and feels absurdly guilty for causing more trouble. She almost starts to apologize, though with no idea what for, and a tiny, ridiculous part of her half-hopes that Flynn will be sitting in the kitchen, somewhat recovered if doubtless no more tactful, come by to ask Carol what she knows about Rittenhouse. Which seems like a bold move, given that he’s a wanted fugitive from the government, but reality doesn’t have much to do with Lucy’s thought process just now.

Nonetheless, it comes crashing back in in a cold, sobering wave when they step ins. There’s a piece of paper lying on the counter, and Lucy can’t see the wording, but it looks clinical. Hospital. Carol turns it over as Lucy tries to get a better look, then says, “Tea?”

“No, it’s all right, I was just over at – ” Lucy stops. “Mom, is… is everything…?”

“I went to get that cough checked out, like you wanted,” Carol says, after a slight pause. “And, well, the scan turned something up in one of my lungs. They’re going to run more tests, they can’t be sure, but there’s a possibility it’s malignant.”

She says this like the professor she’s been for thirty years, explaining a difficult fact with her usual classroom voice, and so it takes Lucy a moment to understand. Then she does, and it feels as if the world has gone out from under her feet. “M… malignant? As in cancer?”

“Yes.” Carol takes a deep breath. “I suppose it’s not entirely unexpected – your father was a heavy smoker, after all, and I never picked up the habit until I met him. I stopped when he died, of course, but if this does come back positive…”

Part of Lucy wants to inform Carol point-blank that she knows Henry Wallace isn’t her father and never was. The rest of her wonders how awful you have to be, to confront your mother about that when she’s just told you that she might have cancer. “I – I, I’m so sorry,” she stammers, once more as if this is her fault, has not gotten the right score on a test or has whined about never having summers off. “Mom, I’m sure it’s fine, but if – ”

“But if it’s not?” Carol looks at her levelly. “I know we’ve had a bit of distance recently, Lucy, but this is the sort of news to put things in perspective. Of course, there’s medicine, there’s chemotherapy, there’s options. We don’t know anything yet. But if the worst-case scenario does come to pass, I really want to make the most of whatever time I have with you. There’s still so much I need to teach you, to talk with you about.”

Yes, Lucy thinks, there is. But any urgent desire to force answers to all her questions has vanished in her flood of guilt and fear and concern. “Of course, Mom, of course. If there’s anything I can do – and I’m sure Amy too, we’d both be happy to – ”

“I’m not sure about Amy.” Carol sighs. “But if you have finished your dissertation, like you said, and therefore don’t need to be at campus every day… I’ve seen that apartment of yours, Lucy. It’s terrible. Is there any way you might consider moving back in? We would be closer here, we’d be together. It would be easier, and if I did get sick…”

“No, of course. Of course I’ll move back in. Absolutely, you don’t have to worry about that at all. My lease on campus runs through the end of the school year, but – ”

“I’ll pay your early termination fees.” Carol takes Lucy’s hand. “I really want us to be together again. Believe me.”

“Me too,” Lucy says in a rush. “But – if the test did come back clean – if you’re not really… well.” She can’t bring herself to utter the name aloud, speak of the devil and he will appear. “If you’re not… sick, do you… will you still want me back?”

“Why on earth wouldn’t I?” Carol looks hurt. “Do you think I only love you when you’re useful? You are my daughter, my eldest daughter. So much like me, my historian. You’re so bright and you’ve worked so hard. Of course I want you back.”

Lucy opens and shuts her mouth, then reaches out, and Carol wraps her arms around her, pulling her close, as Lucy rests her chin on her mother’s shoulder and has to struggle to blink back tears. And so, within ten minutes of going home with the intention of some final confrontation, some ultimatum or insistence on separating herself from Carol’s trunk, Lucy instead cleaves back in, root and branch, and promises that she will never bring it up again.

There really isn’t time to arrange a move – even a short-range one – between the last-minute rush of dissertation edits, job applications, and graduation plans, and Lucy’s apartment has a few pitiful half-full boxes sitting around, which she will toss things into when she remembers. She feels like a terrible daughter, which is not helped when Amy calls her up at the end of the week and wants to know what happened to telling Mom off. “You know how she is, Lucy! Even if – God forbid – she was actually sick, doesn’t this seem a little…?”

“A little what?” Lucy challenges. “Are you really going to accuse our mother of faking possible lung cancer just because she wants – I don’t know what, something?”

“I didn’t say she was faking,” Amy says reluctantly. “I’ve been worried about her health too. But Mom has a couple nest eggs, you know she does. If it got to the point that she needed a live-in helper, she could hire someone who actually knew what they were doing and would get properly paid for it. That’s not your job. You’re not that kind of doctor.”

“I know.” Lucy shifts the phone to her other shoulder. “But – look, I know what we talked about, I know what we said. I just don’t think this is the right time to bring it up.”

Amy doesn’t argue with her again, but Lucy can sense that she still isn’t pleased. And yet, all of that goes out the window when Carol calls them both and says they should come by, there’s something she needs to tell them. That doesn’t sound like the kind of invitation that ends with “and nothing’s wrong, the doctor said I’m fine,” and indeed, it doesn’t. The biopsy results came back. It’s cancer. Carol’s prognosis isn’t terrible – they caught it before it was already irreversible – but it’s not particularly great either. The words fifty-fifty chance are used. A lot will depend on how she responds to treatment.

Amy starts to cry – she and Mom have fought a lot, but they do still love each other – and Lucy puts an arm around her, feeling numb. It feels crass to ask for any graduation celebration, even if she’d like one. Suddenly, even applying for jobs is up in the air. Lucy doesn’t want to complain about being inconvenienced by her mother’s serious illness, but she was so ready to start her own life, do something else, stretch her wings, and now she’s back in the birdcage, throwing away the key. It just doesn’t seem (and she winces at the thought) fair.

Lucy finishes the rest of the revisions recommended by her second supervisor in a blur. At the last meeting before this three-hundred-page monster is sent off to the committee for reading and to the printing service for binding, Dr. Underwood mentions that she’s been in contact with the history department at Kenyon College in Ohio. Kenyon is a small liberal arts college, upper-tier and avant-garde, and while it would unfortunately mean living in Ohio, there is currently an opening in the faculty for a junior lecturer with almost exactly Lucy’s research specialty. Dr. Underwood has passed her name on, and the people at Kenyon would like to speak to her next week, if that works.

Lucy’s first reaction is delight and disbelief. Tailor-made opportunities for academic jobs at places where you would like to work, and that are looking for your research interests, are as rare as the proverbial rain on the Sahara. She’s thought for a while that she’d like to teach at a small liberal arts school, one of the places that doesn’t think SAT scores are a good measure of academic performance and give a lot of focus to student development – somewhere in the Northeast, maybe. Sarah Lawrence, Vassar, Middlebury, Wellesley, something in that vein, the usual schools described as “diehard liberal” by U.S News and World Report in their college rankings. Stanford is obviously Stanford, but it takes a lot of work not to get lost in the machine, and plenty of students who come through Lucy’s classes now are clearly just checking elective boxes and playing on their laptops during lecture. At a place like Kenyon, she could actually talk to them more, have smaller and more immersive seminars, supervise senior projects and have more of a say in shaping the department. Have that exact chance to make it her own, rather than following in predestined footsteps.

At that, however, something catches Lucy short. She remembers Benjamin Cahill essentially promising her that he could get her any dream job she wanted, anywhere in the country. Is this Rittenhouse’s clever new strategy? Realize that the face-to-face approach backfired bombastically, and take a more subtle approach, pull some strings and call in some favors so this fat juicy worm just happened to land on the right hook? Would she move there and find herself surrounded by their people, or expected to pay something substantial back?

Asking Dr. Underwood about this, however, just makes Lucy sound crazy. She doesn’t mention anyone by name, but she delicately probes whether anyone just happened to call up and offer this, and if so, why. Dr. Underwood is puzzled, says that no, this has been in the works for a while and it just happened to time well with Lucy’s completion. Due to someone who knows Dr. Underwood, who supervised so-and-so’s thesis, etc. – not the creepy Rittenhouse networks of patronage, but just the usual byzantine channels of academia – Lucy currently holds right of first refusal on the job. If she turns it down, they’ll shop it more broadly, but assuming she doesn’t completely bomb the interview, buys some winter clothes, and is all right exchanging Palo Alto for Gambier, it’s hers if she wants it.

“I…” Lucy hesitates. “My… my mom was just… she was actually just diagnosed. With cancer. She wants me to move back in and spend more time with her. I don’t know if I could justify going to Ohio instead. That’s the exact opposite of what she wants.”

Dr. Underwood hastens to offer her sympathy, and appreciates that this is a difficult decision for Lucy to make. However, while she knows family commitments are important, ultimately Lucy needs to think about what she wants from her career and getting established and so on. If Lucy does decide to stay in California, there will probably be several teaching opportunities at Stanford for her, and she’ll submit papers to journals and attend conferences and the rest of the rigmarole that it takes to be a Professional Academic ™. It’s not necessarily the wrong thing to do. But Dr. Underwood thinks Lucy should consider the Kenyon job carefully. She knew Carol when they were both faculty in the department, knows what kind of personality she had, and maybe it’s not the worst thing for Lucy to go.

Lucy nods and smiles, even as she wants to go somewhere private, put her face in a pillow, and scream. At least the damn dissertation is done, exam date is firmly set, no more of that, no more, praise Jesus, NO MORE. She picks up her bag, swings it to her shoulder, and heads out of Dr. Underwood’s office, riding down the elevator and stepping out into the foyer. As she does, she collides with someone coming the other way, and starts into the usual apology. But as she does, she catches a glimpse of the face under the hat, and freezes. Reaches out to grab at his jacket sleeve, her voice a hiss.

“Flynn?”

Garcia Flynn has not been having the greatest week. Or two. Or three.

He stayed for six days in the hospital, being cared for by a doctor named Noah who was entirely professional to all outward manners and appearances, but who kept shooting him looks out of the corner of his eye that made Flynn suspect the worst. Either he’s a Rittenhouse agent, or he used to be some sort of gentleman acquaintance to Lucy, and Flynn would almost prefer the former. At least that way he could kill him without anyone being too upset about it.

Of course, and regretfully, killing is off the table, at least for the moment. At least for Flynn himself, as he’s fairly sure that Rittenhouse has authorized everything short of public beheading to apprehend him, and which was why he decided that he was no longer going to trust to the dubious safety of Santa Rosa Memorial and the judgment of Noah. . . whatever his damn last name is, Flynn hasn’t been arsed either to find out or remember it. So he checked himself out against medical advice, gave a fake name and address for the bill (the American health system is a racket anyway, and technically he’s supposed to have insurance – yes, the NSA does offer dental) and left the rental car in the garage. It’s too conspicuous, and he has bigger fish to fry than whether he is blacklisted by Enterprise in the future. They can take it up with John Thompkins, later.

After which, Flynn rode a Greyhound (yes, it’s as miserable as you’d think, especially when you’re six-foot-four) to some shithole Inland Empire city, somewhere in California close to the Nevada border where nobody goes if they can possibly avoid it, probably still riddled with decades-old radiation from the Las Vegas test site. Rented a room in some motel that definitely has one filled with haunted clown dolls, laid low, gingerly tended his raw wounds with over-the-counter antibiotics and sutures, and was forced to admit it was a good thing he did not die of septicemia. He hasn’t succeeded in coming up with a new plan just yet, as it’s clear that he’s been cut off from the usual channels with extreme prejudice. He has kept his old phone with the NSA numbers, but keeps it switched off and hasn’t used it. He can’t risk calling Karl to see what he did, or did not, know about the Wyatt Logan fiasco.

And so, Flynn grimly considers his options. He can try to throw together another fake identity and go to Canada, or travel on his real name back to Europe and hope they haven’t gotten Interpol on this, or just lie here in a motel room that might literally be the manifestation of hell on earth, with air conditioner that barely works in 25-plus Celsius heat and a stain that looks like a murder victim on the carpet. If Rittenhouse is after him, no holds barred, he may just be able to avoid their notice if he stays, especially for a man whose professional tradecraft is disappearing. And yet.

The more Flynn thinks it over, the more he can’t account for everything going sideways as fast and as comprehensively as it did, unless Rittenhouse was plugged into the whole thing almost from the beginning. They must have multiple high-level operatives across several branches of government, focusing on the ones you’d expect – CIA, NSA, FBI, Homeland Security, whoever’s stealing your personal information these days – but by no means limited to them. They could be salted through every level of middle bureaucracy (he wonders if all DMV and IRS workers get an automatic membership) and beyond. It sounds ridiculously, relentlessly paranoid, like that prizewinning intellectual who insists that the Royal Family and other leading British celebrities are all secretly lizard people. But given what Flynn saw at the gala, Cahill and his powerful, well-connected, wealthy friends, this also might not be entirely off the ranch, and that means he has to do more digging. Where?

It takes him a bit, but he recalls what Lucy said to him at their first (well, first real) meeting. Something about David Rittenhouse, who Flynn discovered to be a famous eighteenth-century astronomer and professor at the University of Pennsylvania, and asking if he founded it. Flynn doesn’t know the answer to that question, but it seems to strain credulity that the man it’s literally named after has nothing to do with it. It also is not a given that Rittenhouse’s secret archives are housed somewhere at UPenn, but there are several things named after the man in Philadelphia. It’s not entirely implausible.

That, therefore, is where Flynn is faced with the final part of the plan. It’s going to be hard enough for him to get in as it is, what with the Take Dead or Alive order they probably have out on his head. But if he didn’t appear to be attached to it – if it was just an innocent research visit from an up-and-coming academic who would have plenty of legit business with UPenn’s history collections on colonial America, and he just so happened to appear –

Flynn is well aware that this is quite a reach. That it’s dangerous, that it’s unfair, that he doesn’t really have any right to ask it, given how their last parting went, and what he said then. That she has any number of things to do right now, and none of them necessarily involve dropping all her work and heading cross-country to pick up, again, the world’s most demented and dangerous scavenger hunt with him. No sir.

He checks out of the motel and hops a ride with a trucker the next morning.

As they stare at each other for a very long and very excruciating moment, all Lucy can think is that he shouldn’t be here. Rittenhouse could have been watching her from afar, guessing (correctly, apparently) that she will prove too tempting a target for Flynn to resist contacting again. Maybe this is the moment they jump out and dogpile them both, or – or –

Lucy hesitates only a split second before tightening her grip on Flynn and dragging him around the corner into an unused classroom. She bangs shut the door behind them and leans against it, legs trembling. “You need to get out of here.”

“You just shut me in.” Trust Flynn to have a smart-aleck response readily at hand, as he watches her from under hooded eyes. “We would need to try reversing that first.”

“Just be quiet.” Lucy clenches her fists, fighting a brief urge to slap him. “Did anyone see you?”

He shrugs. “It’s a public university, I imagine they did. Nobody who seemed to recognize me, though.”

Lucy blows out a breath, getting the table between them just so there will be something to prevent her – or him – from anything intemperate. “You’re such a bastard.”

A hard, sardonic smile glimmers in the edges of his mouth. He seems unruffled by the accusation, almost even pleased. He does not bother with small talk, explaining where he’s been, or why he said everything he did in the hospital. (Don’t fool yourself that I want to see you again. . . this is my war, I don’t need you and yet, lo and behold, here he is. He’s a disaster.) Instead he says, “Did you finish your dissertation?”

“Yes,” Lucy says, curt and unwilling. “I have a lot going on, a lot, so why don’t you just – ”

“Is there anything else you can pretend to be working on?”

“What?” Screw the table, she might want to do something intemperate after all. “Why?”

His eyes remain on hers, cool and unswerving. “I need your help.”

[ohgodwhy151]

Reiner Braun, the broken hearted patriot

As I explained with Bertholdt the most interesting part of Reiner’s character is how he chooses to live and deal with the consequences of his actions. Since Reiner has become one of the most important characters in the story and the main focus of the Marely arc we get to see him in his own home, where he wanted to return to for so long. His progression and arc is longer and larger than nearly every other character making him possibly the most intriguing character in the series. (Along with Annie).  

In this analysis, I’m going to do something a little different. I’m going to chronologically follow Reiner’s story, commenting on his actions, choices, beliefs and what they mean to him, the people around him and the story as a whole. And seeing how he has become one of the main characters there is a lot to talk about.

The first time we see Reiner is in the arms of his mother, she is telling him about his Marleyan father and the taboo nature of her relationship. This scene put Reiner on the path that will lead him to be the tired, broken man he is in the latest chapters. His mother’s words plant a seed of self-hatred in his heart, hatred directed at himself and the blood in his veins. “If only you were born to a Marleyan.” His mother says while crying. As young children we love our parents, we want them to be happy and impress them so when Reiner sees his own mother crying while condemning and his blood it births a goal in his head and heart. The goal being to live as an honorary Marleyan with his mother, it drives to push himself beyond his limits as shown during his training where he works harder than anyone else, yet despite his determination, he still fails time and time again.

When he finally gets onto the warrior cadet program he runs to his mother and into her arms, then she says something so toxic and poisonous it damages Reiner’s psyche in ways difficult to describe. She doesn’t congratulate him, instead, she says. “We’re only a step away from being honorary Marleyan.” In saying this Reiner’s mother doesn’t recognise her son’s accomplishment for a personal triumph for Reiner. (As he worked SO hard to get on the program.) Instead, she reaffirms her own goal for her son and Reiner's response hurts my heart. “I promise I’ll inherit one of the Titans.” This is a seven-year-old boy, who is would be happy to shorten his own life for a deranged idea that has been drilled into him for years. If anything Reiner’s mother is a living metaphor for the brainwashing and propaganda that the Marley government relies on.

After his conversation with his mother we next see Reiner with the other cadets and here we learn a lot about Reiner’s personal goals and reasoning. While talking with Bertholdt he met with an important question. “Are you okay with that? You’d only have 13 years.” This also alludes to Bertholdt’s intelligence as he recognises the fate he and others have been doomed to live out. But Reiner’s response is equally as interesting as Bertholdt’s question. He quickly answers with. “And then I’d be a hero right?” He immediately shrugs off the death sentence inheriting one of Titans is, and instead sees it as the greatest honor possible. He then goes on to say in doing so he’d “Make his parents the proudest of all.” And this stings because this CHILD believes that the only way to make his parents proud is to sacrifice his life for his country. Did I mention that he was a CHILD? Because that makes my heart sink in my chest whenever I think about it.

The next time we see him Reiner has already inherited the Armoured Titan and is actively participating in warfare. In becoming the Armoured Titan he has allowed both himself and his mother to become Honorary Marleyans, he has succeeded in the eyes of his mother and now all that remains is to get his mother and father back together, there is nothing stopping him from getting his family back together. (Forgetting the fact he has shortened his life.) And then we see his father and the split that comes to define Reiner’s personality is born. Upon seeing his father Reiner follows him and shows him the band on his arm, showing him that now, after everything he has been through, the grueling training and curse that comes with the power of the Titans he and his mother can be together. And then, and then Reiner’s father shuts him down. He’s horrified and furious that Karina would put her son through all this just to “Get revenge.” He screams at his child, calling him and his mother devils that could ruin his life. Here Reiner is being faced with something he never thought would happen, he dedicated himself to the goal of making his parents proud and yet his father is condemning him and his achievements. To Reiner and children his age, this is a contradiction, children believe that good actions should be rewarded and yet despite his ‘good’ actions there is no reward. In fact, the opposite occurs, his father condemns him and verbally punishes him. This damages the way Reiner sees the world and contributes heavily to his split personality.

To cope with this contradiction (Something that comes to define his character) He chooses to believe that even if his mother and father can’t be together his father would at least pray for his success. This is likely the first time that Reiner develops a split to deal with something that contradicts his views, goals and ideals.

So after the confrontation with his father we next see Reiner he is on the shore of Paradis and as the boat and his mother sail away he reaffirms his goal of becoming a respected hero to the world despite the fact the rest of the world sees the Titans as monsters. So then we have the campfire scene… Here we have Marcel apologizing to Reiner for forsaking him to die in 13 years and it’s Reiner’s response that hurts the most about this scene. He doesn’t understand why Marcel is apologising, because despite the lies that allowed him to inherit the Armoured Titan he still inherited it. It’s not that Reiner doesn’t see the tragedy of his fate, it’s that he can’t, it’s something I’ll touch on later but it feels similar to an idea brought up in George Orwell's 1984. Doublethink.

After Marcel is eaten and killed Annie confronts Reiner over his indecisiveness which likely got Marcel killed. Of course, I’ll be analysing this whole scene when I talk about Annie since it is mainly about her but one part is crucial to the development of Reiner as a person. “TAKE THE BLAME AND DIE!” Annie screams. And he does. Reiner makes a point saying. “Reiner is dead, I’ll be Marcel.” Yet again Reiner deals with a contradiction (In this case all the work and training he’s done being rendered mute only a day into the mission. Once again a child so this doesn’t make sense to him.) by making sure that the idea of Marcel survives in his body.

For the sake of time and space, I’m going to jump ahead to the 104th and his relationships with Eren and the others. While training in the 104th with the other Shardis mentions that Reiner is strong emotionally, physically AND most importantly people looked up to him which is possibly the most important part of his character. While in the 104th the split in his personality develops and grows to such a powerful degree he has different memories of certain events depending on whether he is a soldier or warrior. With each personality hating the other but sharing their ideals as shown at the end of chapter 96 where Reiner is asked: “What the hell did you come here for?” And both the still young soldier personality and warrior answer “To save humanity.” This moment blurs the line between the personalities Reiner developed which leads to his break down on top of Wall Rose.

I think the anime does an AMAZING job when it shows Reiner breaking down and telling Eren about his mission as the Armoured Titan. At this point, he exists outside of the warrior and soldier personalities and is similar to the Reiner we see in the latest chapters. At these points, he realises the hypocrisy of everything he’s done and why he has done it. Chapter 42 “We were just kids who didn’t know anything.” It hurts to watch and read this because it is the raw personality that Reiner has hidden from everyone and himself for most of his life, and what does he do when exposed like this? He cries.

And when he comes home he suddenly finds himself looking at himself when he looks at Gabi. I think the fact that Reiner and Gabi are actually related just goes to show the links between them, she is exactly like he was back them, hopeful, loyal and full of hatred towards the Edilans and people of Paradis. And now Reiner knows where that leads, to nightmares, PTSD and suicidal depression. The only reason he didn’t pull the trigger in chapter 97 was because he heard a frustrated Falco telling himself that ‘he needed to change something’ at this point Reiner realised he had a chance to stop Gabi and the other children repeating his mistakes and ending up the way he has.

Now chapter 100 hasn’t officially come out yet (As I’m writing this) BUT I have seen the spoilers and several fan translations and from I’ve seen it seems that Reiner is being judged by Eren, drawing parallels to the story of the hanged man. Eren is the one capable of judging Reiner and judging (Get it) from the fan translations it seems that Eren in some ways forgives Reiner or at least understands the situation that he was in and now finds himself in a similar one. I’m not going to use the fan translations that much because they aren’t official the fact that Eren is right in front of him and that came right after the panel where Bertholdt claims the hanged man wanted to be judged says a lot.

But anyway from the spoilers I’ve seen Reiner seems to have a breakdown and falls to his hands and knees in front of Eren now that he can be judged. In a way he seems slightly relieved as now the guilt that weighs him down (and drove him to put a gun in his mouth at the very thought of going back to Paradis.) Can be taken away.

In conclusion Reiner’s story is a tragedy, of a child groomed into fulfilling the dreams of his deluded mother, having his father (One of his goals) call him a devil, his training and dedication coming to naught, (Failing to take the Founding Titan.) losing his friend and watching his mistakes repeat themselves in the form of his own cousin. My hopes for Reiner is that when he dies it is quick, painless and AFTER he has been forgiven.          

That was a long one... but Reiner is a complex character who needs to be understood. So let me know what you thought, agree or disagree I wanna hear it! So stay tuned for Annie’s turn.              

[anxious-bisexual]

This is just a vent fic that I made to help me deal with life. Read if you want.

Warnings: Anxiety, depression, self harm, near suicide, crying, divorce, mentally abusive Patton(sorta, not really, idk), they are not all the same age, Virgil is non-binary, tell me if I need to add anything

Pairings: Moceit but they are no longer together, Roman Virgil and Remus are siblings, platonic Analogical.

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Virgil had their headphones on over their ears as they blasted out their music. Earlier, they were about to have another panic attack, so they rushed to their room and immediately put on their music. This was the 3rd time that day, so Virgil was starting to get a little more than annoyed with his head. Their anxiety has always been there, they know that, but it has just gotten so much worse this past year. 

    Virgil’s parents got separated, and ever since then, their mental health decided to just die on them. Virgil knows that it’s kinda reasonable, but they still hate it. They hate how they’re the only one who has to deal with a b**ls**t mental state even though they weren’t the only one who was affected. They hate how they have to constantly make themself not breakdown in front of Remus because he’s only a baby so he shouldn’t have to deal with this. They hate how no matter how hard they try, they can’t hold it in sometimes, and Remus sees. Remus sees them crying. They hate how Remus has learned that crying means something is wrong. They hate how when he sees them cry, Remus places his little baby hands on Virgil to try and calm them. 

    They’ve learned to not cry in front of Patton. They know that Patton doesn’t deserve to see them cry, because he’s the one who has to go through the separation, so Virgil shouldn’t cause any more problems. They know it’s unreasonable, but they get scared with Patton. No, not Patton, Dad. They get scared with their dad, because since everything is crashing down, their brain needs someone to fear. Virgil and their siblings live with their dad, and since they’re trapped with him, their head keeps telling them that they’re in danger. If Virgil could choose, they would rather live with their other father, but they can’t. 

    Virgil and their father Janus have always gotten along great. They like most of the same things, his father was always so fun to be with, and he always accepted Virgil no matter what. When Virgil came out as bisexual, Patton didn’t bring it up at first, but when he did, it hurt Virgil. Patton asked them if they were sure they were bisexual. He asked if they was sure that they weren’t just completely gay or completely straight. When he said that, it really hurt Virgil, because when a parent tells you something like that, it hurts, ok? They told his dad that he was sure, and they never talked about it again. When Virgil asked his father what he thought of them being bi, their father just said, “Well, it’s your life, and I can’t control you, so you can do whatever you want. I just want you to know that people aren’t always gonna accept you, and when it comes to boys being gay or bi, people can be more harsh. People are gonna be mean, but I know you’re strong, so I know you’ll fight through, but I’ll always be here for you if you need me, ok?” Virgil always loved that their father was always so accepting, and that he always cared about them.

    Now, Roman. Roman was only older than Virgil by a year, so for most of their lives, they were pretty close. Of course tho, since they are teenagers, they kinda drew apart, but they’re still pretty close. Roman never really cared about Virgil’s sexuality, and they know that Virgil is non-binary. Roman uses their preferred pronouns when he can, without outing them to the rest of their family, but he tries. Roman has seen Virgil breakdown multiple times, but he knows that they don’t like people being near them when they're going through that, so they just leave the room and make sure no one bothers Virgil. Roman knows that when Virgil is going through a panic attack or breakdown, that people only make it worse for them. Once he knows that Virgil is ok, he will go back into the room, but he won’t bother Virgil about it, because he knows that that’ll only make things worse. 

    Roman knows that Virgil has always been closer to their father than their dad, and they respect that, but they don’t feel the same. You see, this isn’t the first time their father has left. When Roman and Virgil were little, their dad left, and Virgil remembers that night as if it were yesterday. Roman and Virgil were playing outside, and their parents were sitting outside watching them. They got into a slight argument, but they went inside before anything got serious. Their dad told them to stay outside, so they just continued playing. After a while, their dad came back out and told them they were going to the park. Virgil was slightly confused since their father wasn’t coming, but decided to brush it off since they were too excited about going to the park. They went to their favorite park, and Roman and Virgil were so excited to have the whole playground to themselves since it was night. Their dad called them down, and Virgil thinks he was going to tell them what happened, but Roman hit his head while going down the slide, so he had to calm him down. They ended up going to Denny's to have dinner, and while they were there, their dad told them that their father was going to be staying at our grandma’s house for a while. At the time, they didn’t really know what was going on, they just knew that their father was gonna be at grandma’s house for now. When they got home, there were empty black trash bags on their dad’s bed, and all of their fathers clothes were gone. Whenever Virgil thinks of that night, they remember the week that their father left. 

That week was very nerve wracking for Virgil. That week, they had a small theater performance. It was only the parents of the few people who were in the school’s theater club, so it wasn’t that many, but it still scared Virgil. They were nervous out of their mind before the performance, even though the performance was just some small groups doing some skits and then the whole club doing an improv game. Virgil had their own group for a skit, but they were stepping in for two other skits since their partner didn’t show up. Once Virgil’s group was called up, they slowly got into the zone, and wasn’t as scared. The rest of the skits rolled by, and it was time for the improv game. When it was Virgil’s turn, they were paired with their friend Logan. They took a topic from the crowd and got France. Virgil let Logan start the act, but Logan suddenly started rapping Lafayett’s part from Aaron Burr, Sir. Virgil was caught off guard for a moment, but once it was their turn to rap, they were all fired up and ready to go. 

That day was amazing, but still so nerve wracking, two days later though, Virgil had a school ceremony for a competition project. They were supposed to showcase their project they made, and the teachers were supposed to announce who would move on to district competition. The students were also supposed to showcase their games they made, and their science projects, but since they weren’t competition projects, they were just kinda off to the side. Virgil was hanging out with their friends while they were all waiting for the teachers to announce the winners, and they all played each other's games. Once it was time to announce the winners, Virgil was on their toes and their insides felt weird. They waited in suspense as the names were called out, but then the list was done. There was clapping congratulating all the winners, and Virgil clapped too, but their insides felt like they were all being squished together. The parents started to leave the room to let the students pack up their projects, but Virgil just moved mindlessly. They were really hoping that they would move onto districts so that their dad would be proud. They knew that their father was gonna be proud of them no matter what, but their dad...their dad always wanted Virgil to be better. Not moving on just made them feel like they were letting their dad down. They went home, and they just listened to music the rest of the day. 

Later that night, Virgil’s parents went into Roman’s and their room. Virgil was laying on their bed, and Roman was sitting on the floor playing Minecraft. Their dad looked a little sad, and their father looked nervous. “Hey, we have something to tell you.” Roman paused his game, and Virgil turned off their music. Virgil sat up to look up at their parents, and waited for their parents to continue talking. “ Your father is gonna be living with your grandma from now on.” Once Virgil’s dad finished saying that, he felt his insides get squished together again. “ I know it’s a lot, but I promise that it’s neither of yours faults. Your dad and I just haven’t been getting along like we used to. I’m still gonna be able to see you guys, just… not as much.“ Virgil felt their eyes sting as tears threatened to fall. They bit their lip to try and keep the tears from falling. “ I still love you guys so so much, and no matter what happens, I’ll always love you.” Tears started falling down Virgil’s face as their vision became blurry. They felt their throat closing up as the seconds ticked past. They knew that this was gonna happen, they saw the little hints that something was wrong, but they tried so hard to just make themselves believe that they were just imagining it. Their father hugged them and gave them each a kiss in the head before he left. Virgil was trying to hold his breath to keep themself from sobbing, and just went to go take a shower. 

Even that night, Virgil knew that their parents waited until all the big events were done before they told them what was going to happen. They felt empty and emotionless for the next week, but would put on a mask when necessary. Virgil wanted so badly to just have a hug from their best friend, but was too scared to ask. That whole week was terrible, but after that, Virgil forced themself to move on. 

When Virgil’s father was finally able to see them, they were ecstatic. Roman stayed in his room whenever their father came by, but he would never do anything to be rude. Virgil and Remus spent all the time they could with their father, and they would always enjoy every moment they got to spend with him. Virgil would never bring up their father to Roman, because they knew that he didn’t exactly like him, so he didn’t want to cause him to be uncomfortable.

Now, Virgil never mentioned their father to anyone in the house except Remus, even though he didn’t understand anything. Their father now took Virgil and Remus to their grandma’s house when he was able to see them. Virgil grew to look forward to those days when he was able to escape from his dad’s house to go be his father. Remus loved getting all the attention from his family, and being able to play with his father. Virgil loved seeing their baby brother so happy. Virgil was always so happy those days that they got to escape, but every time before they left, their grandma would always go up to them when they were alone. “ Virgil? Always know that you can call me when you need me. No matter what time it is, I will pick up, and if you need me, I will go over and pick you up no matter what time it is. You know that right?” Virgil always tells her that they understand, but they know that it isn’t true. Yeah, she would probably come over, but they could never call her. Virgil’s father says the same thing to them too, but no matter how much they want to call their father or their grandma when they’re having a panic attack or a breakdown, they can’t. They’re too scared that their dad will get mad. They’re scared that it is too late in the night. There is always something that keeps Virgil from calling someone. 

Virgil was sitting in their room in the dark as they tried to calm their breathing. They have been having a panic attack for the last 40 minutes, and they were terrified. Their grandparents from their dad’s side came over, and it absolutely terrified them. There were too many people, and everything was too loud, and everything was too close, and they just had to get out right away. They ended up excusing themselves to their room and just sat on the floor trying to calm down. There were so many thoughts racing through their head, and their throat felt tight. Everything felt terrible, and they felt like they were going crazy. Tears blurred their vision, but they finally got a clear thought in their head. ‘End it all’. Virgil suddenly knew what they needed to do. They got their knife, notebook, and pencil. They wrote a note apologizing to everyone, and telling them to take care of Remus, and to not dwell on what Virgil was about to do. Then they remembered. Logan. They quickly grabbed their phone and texted an apology to Logan before turning off their phone and going back to what they were doing. Virgil grabbed the knife and placed it against their wrist. The pain just from the pressure against their skin made the thoughts slow down a bit. Virgil pressed the knife down a little more, and was about to slide it against their wrist when a small ‘ding’ came from their phone.

Lo: Sorry? What do you mean sorry?

    Virgil looked at the text for a moment before finally deciding to answer. Logan deserved an answer anyway. He stuck and dealt with Virgil this long, this was the least they could do.

Virge: I’m so sorry Logan.

Lo: What are you sorry for? You did nothing wrong.

Virge: I broke the promise.

Lo: Virge… What do you mean? Please tell me you didn’t hurt yourself. 

Virge: I’m sorry.

Lo: Virgil! Don’t you dare leave me! We promised we wouldn’t leave each other! We promised!

Virge: I’m sorry Lo. I can’t deal with this anymore.

Lo: Let me help you. Please. We promised we wouldn’t leave each other. Please. You can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me alone.

Virge: Logan, I’m sorry! I have to. It’s too much. Please. please just let me do this. you won’t have to deal with me anymore. you’ll be free. i’m sorry. 

Lo: Virgil! Don’t you dare!

Lo: Virgil?

Lo: Virgil!

    Virgil turned off their phone as more tears fell down their face. They didn’t want to leave Logan alone, but they had to end this. Virgil knew what it felt like to be alone, and they didn’t want Logan to feel like that, but it was all too much! They wanted to be with their father. They wanted to be with Logan. They just wanted to be away from here. That isn’t going to happen though. They’re trapped. They’re trapped here. Virgil heard their phone continue to make small ‘ding’ noises as they got more text’s from Logan. Virgil grabbed the knife and placed it back against their wrist.

    Virgil’s phone rings as Logan calls him. They look at the phone as Logan's name shines in the dark room. More tears fell as Virgil thought about who they were leaving behind. The memories of all the fun they had together blurred through their head. A sob escaped Virgil’s mouth as he reached out for their phone. Their phone went dark, and they immediately pulled their hand back. Virgil’s phone shone as Logan called again. They immediately reached out and grabbed their phone and answered the call.

    “Virgil!” They flinched back at the loud sound, but placed their phone back next to their ear after a second. “I’m sorry Logan. I truly am, I just can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep-” Logan immediately interrupted them with a ‘nope’. Virgil just looked at the phone kind of confused, and went back to the call. “I am not letting you leave me. We made a promise, and we promised each other that when we need it, we would help each other. You’re not escaping me that easily.” Virgil let a small smile place itself on their lips. It immediately left as the sadness and hopelessness returned full force. “Logan, I’m sorry. You don’t understand. This stupid panic attack has been going on for over an hour, and I feel like I’m going crazy, and I’m scared my dad will get angry at me for being so weak, and my father will never come back to see me, and everyone is going to leave me, and I’m going to be alone, and-” Logan cut him off again, saying “No, none of that. You’re ok. No one is going to leave you, or hurt you, it’s ok. You are ok. Remember, I’m here. I’ll always be here” Virgil let the smile return as they heard those words come from Logan. “Lo, please. Please talk to me. It doesn’t matter about what, just, please. Talk to me.” Logan made a small noise of agreement, and started rambling on about the constellations in the sky.

    It had been about a half hour since Virgil and Logan ended their call, and Virgil was just sitting in their room listening to their music. Patton knocked on the door and came inside Virgil’s room. Hey Virge, you ok?” Virgil was about to say yes, but Patton was looking around the room and saw the knife on the floor next to Virgil. “Virgil. Why is your knife here?” Virgil’s eyes widened as their dad bent down to pick up the knife. Virgil wanted so badly to reach out and grab it before their dad got it, but they knew that their dad would take it away anyway. “What were you doing with your knife?” Virgil looked at the floor and just shrugged their shoulders. “Virgil. What is going on. You need to tell me what’s going on.” Virgil flinched away as their dad raised his voice. “Oh stop acting like I hit you.” Virgil hunched their shoulders in on themself as they grew more anxious. “Virgil? Tell me what you were doing with the knife.” They grabbed the notebook that they were using earlier and wrote ‘I don’t want to talk right now. Can I just be alone right now?’ Their dad scoffed slightly and looked directly at Virgil and asked,” Would you leave someone alone if they were crying in the dark with a knife?” Virgil grabbed their notebook again and wrote ‘I’d ask what they need, and if they wanted to be alone, I’d take their needs into consideration and leave them alone and come back later.’ Their dad looked slightly annoyed and asked in a slightly annoyed voice,” What about how I feel? Did you ever think about how this affects me?” Virgil flinched back again and looked straight into their dad’s eyes. “Just leave me alone right now.” Their dad looked slightly taken aback, but he grasped the knife tightly and walked out of the room closing the door behind him. Once the door was closed, Virgil let out a strangled sob and immediately covered their mouth with their hand.

    Just call Logan. Everything will be fine. It’s fine.