#Trying to cope with the realization Sasuke would one day face the same pain / the general fleetingness of childhood innocence

[princeofuchiha]

Silly little hc that has solidified its place in my heart over the last few weeks: I feel that when Itachi was young (5ish) he was exactly the type of kid to have those little glow in the dark star stickers on his ceiling.

[livinglouderx3]

SNStober - Day 18 I'll take care of you

"Naruto.", Sasuke deadpanned, staring at the other at his doorstep, "What the hell are you doing here-"

Without any regard for Sasuke's personal space (as always) the blonde just stepped forward, moving past him further into the small apartment Sasuke was now owning. He was even carrying a small bag on his back, making Sasuke fear the worst and unfortunately, he was usually right with his assumptions, at least those concerning a certain blonde idiot.

"I'm going to stay with you for a while.", Naruto told him completely nonchalantly, grinning over his shoulder as he looked back at his friend.

Sasuke could only raise his eyebrows, to taken aback to even answer. He could only stare.

No. Naruto couldn't possibly mean that, he had to be joking. Who just shows up at your doorstep out of the blue saying something like that. This was definitely a joke.

"Wha-"

"I-", the other interrupted him, yet seeming to hesitate, thinking his next words over for a moment.

Good, maybe he realized how stupid that sounded, Sasuke contemplated.

 But then, completely unexpected, his mind seemed to play a trick on him. Or so he thought. For a moment he thought to have noticed a small blush on Naruto's cheeks. The blonde just shrugged, before taking off his bag, trying to avoid eye contact while searching for a place to leave his stuff. How strange.

"I thought it would be hard for you...", Naruto was once hesitating again, struggling to find his words, "at first... I mean." Sasuke still didn't understand where Naruto was getting at.

This felt strange, even for them. Sasuke didn't like it. He didn't like Naruto holding back like that. He didn't do that in the past, never with him.

Suddenly Naruto let out a deep breath. He seemed to have finally decided what to say. "I thought it might be hard for you to be back in Konoha so I might...tag along."

Sasuke frowned, "You...realize I used to live here, right? Why would I need-"

"Yes! But everything changed though!", the other exclaimed with sudden urgency. "Nearly everything had to get rebuild after Pain's attack, so it's practically a whole new town! It's not the same anymore-"

"I know.", Sasuke interrupted his blabbering, "Still, I see no reason why you would have to stay here. It makes no sense at all-"

He suddenly noticed Naruto uncomfortably look down at his arm, or rather the lack of it. It was only barely a second and almost instantly he looked away again - as if being burned.

So that's what's going on. That's what this was about.

Naruto taught he wouldn't be able to cope with only one hand? Did he feel guilt? Even though Sasuke didn't blame him at all,but quite the opposite. He had saved him after all and Sasuke was grateful for that. He had needed Naruto to find his way back again, to finally leave the path of revenge behind, which had been suffocating him for years.

Sasuke let out a sigh. "Naruto." The other looked up at his words. "I'll be fine."

Naruto didn't seem convinced though.  Sasuke thought he might also have to address the other elephant in the room. "I won't leave again."

He noticed the other tense up. "Obviously, I know that." He turned around to face Sasuke now fully, his brows furrowed. "It's not about that, you know."

"What's it about then? I don't get what-"

"You're still hurt." Naruto blurted out, emphasizing his last word, as if it was an undisputable fact that Sasuke somehow failed to see even though this was about him.

"I'm not-", but then he stopped, suddenly going silent as he watched Naruto's expression shift. This wasn't only about his missing limb. This was so much more, it was also about Sasuke's pain connected to Konoha, to the murder of his clan which had been orchestrated by the very place he was now living in. Sasuke felt a lump form in his throat, staring back into Naruto's eyes as the blonde watched him unrelentingly, seemingly hurt himself.

Even without words Sasuke finally got it.

I know you're still hurting.

But I'm here now.

I'm going to take care of you now.

He looked away, trying to hide his surfacing emotions. This stupid idiot knew.

Sasuke took a deep breath.

There was definitely no way out of this anymore, the other wouldn't leave no matter what Sasuke did or said now. Naruto would never just leave him. He never did in the past.

"Fine.", Sasuke gave in, trying to ignore the warmth he was feeling at the revelation, "but only for today."

At that, Naruto seemed to finally relax, letting out a laugh. "Yeah. Yeah. Sure, asshole." He winked as Sasuke met his eyes again. "I also brought ramen, so cheer up. We'll have a great time."

Sasuke couldn't help but roll his eyes at that.

[excitedlysuffering]

When You Make Up

AHA! YES FINALLY! I’ve been such a procrastinator lmao🤣💀 it’s finally out, the Part 2 to How He Hurts Your Feelings.

Naruto~

It had been a few days since you had last seen the Uzumaki and from the way you were coping, one would have assumed it had been months. Naruto was always there to make you laugh and be happy, but without him, everything had seemed a bit bleaker.

You stayed holed up in your room, trying to keep yourself from going to him, but it was an uphill battle. It was well past afternoon, but you were still in bed feeling slightly less miserable than before, but still not great.

That’s when you heard it, a knocking so loud and persistent that it couldn’t be ignored. Grumbling all the way, you dragged yourself to your door. You were ready to scream when no one was there. Until you looked down and saw a takeout bag, with ‘Korean Grill’ spelled out on the front. The very same place you wanted to take Naruto…

Suspicious, you quickly went inside and set down the delicious smelling food. You tiptoed up to your room, not knowing what you expected to find, but you knew something was up.

In your room, or rather all over your room, were Naruto and some of his clones. Eight of them stood in a line, each one holding a small sign. In order, it read ‘I’m so sorry will you please forgive me?’

“Naru…” Even though he had hurt you deeply, you couldn’t help but acknowledge the thoughtfulness of his apology. The real one walked over to you, nervousness written all over his face. “I was a huge idiot and I hurt you… I regret every word I said and how selfish I’ve been.” You couldn’t help but throw your arms around his neck.

He was sorry and he had gone out of his way to do this. You felt your anger melting away as he hugged you back, nuzzling his face into your neck. “Of course, I forgive you, baka… I really missed you.” He sighed in relief. “I missed you too. Now, let’s go eat before your food gets cold.”

Sasuke~

Much to your relief, Ino had invited you to her flower shop to hang out. You had gotten tired of sulking around for the last three days and there was no better way to have your spirits lifted than to hang out with the optimistic blonde.

You stepped into her shop, confused as to why it was so dark and quiet. It was the middle of the day…

“Ino? What’s going on? Where are you?” Suddenly the lights turned on, revealing a bouquet of purple hyacinths, white tulips, and daffodils, all of which were flowers used commonly in apologies. But why were they here? You picked up the flowers, confused. Ino hadn’t done anything wrong? A note peeked up at you. Relieved to finally have some kind of explanation.

‘(Y/N),’ it read, ‘you’re probably wondering why you’re here. I didn’t think you would meet up with me if I asked you point-blank, so I asked Ino to help me. I was an idiot the other day, being rude and speaking before thinking… I let my pride get in the way and I hurt you. The truth is, after a lot of thinking while I was recovering, is that I need you more than I could’ve imagined. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through.’ -S.U.

Your hands trembled at the unexpected apology. Sasuke had a hard time saying small ‘sorry’ for small things, but for him to have given you this big of an apology? He really did mean what he said.

“(Y/N)? You’re probably still mad, and you have every right to be, but… I’m going to make it up to you. I’m going to better, for you.” The Uchiha appeared behind you, looking determined, but also a little nervous. Your gaze softened as you approached him.

“I believe you. I’m just glad to have you back.” His shoulders sagged with relief. He didn’t say anything, instead, pulling you into his chest in an uncharacteristic display of affection. You hugged him back without hesitation as you felt whole once again. “I am too… I never want to feel so lonely again. Forgive me?” You nodded against his chest, your answer was imminent. “Of course.”

Neji~

You were lost. You and Neji had never had a fight quite like this. When he left did he mean for it to be a final thing, or not? It had only been a day since he had blown up at you, but these questions had kept you up all night.

Your manuscript laid on your desk, untouched after Neji had thoroughly insulted it. You figured if even Neji hated it, why would anyone else buy it? Instead, you occupied your time stress cleaning. Everything in your home sparkled like the top of the Chrysler building (A/N: Kudos if you get the reference) by the time you were finished, but didn’t feel any better.

It wasn’t until you heard a quiet knocking on your front door that you realized just how much of a mess you had become in such a short time. You were only dressed in sweat pants and a tank top, but you couldn’t care less. No one worth dressing up for would be waiting on your doorstep.

It wasn’t until your eyes met familiar pearlescent ones that you realized just how much his absence had affected you. Even though you were still angry and hurt, you couldn’t but sag in relief that he wasn’t planning on ending things with you.

“Neji… um, come in…” Never had you felt so awkward around him, and he clearly picked up on that. “I was out of line yesterday… I know that. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just…” He paused as if unsure of himself, “I was jealous. You were spending so much time writing, I assumed that I had lost importance.”

You felt your eyes water at how nervous and hurt he sounded. Yes, what he had said the day before was disrespectful, but it had stemmed from you taking him for granted.

“I’m sorry too, Neji, I wasn’t thinking about how this was affecting you. I just wanted to… it doesn’t matter, I’m just glad you’re here.” He sighed in relief, hesitantly embracing you. “I am too, (Y/N).” You had no words to describe how right everything felt, so you said nothing, opting to instead to just cling to him.

Shikamaru~

You had successfully managed to avoid the lying Nara for a week’s time and you weren’t planning on changing that any time soon. If he didn’t want to see you, you would make sure he didn’t. That did not mean you were going to lock yourself inside your house and sulk. You, (F/N) (L/N) did not sulk.

In hindsight, though, you thought, maybe I should’ve stayed inside… Shikamaru had seen you walking you through the park and now you found yourself backed up into a tree, the furious boy in front of you.

“What is your problem, woman?! You’ve been avoiding me all week!” You scoffed, looking away. “I was trying not to bother you, don’t get so worked up.” He stared incredulously. “Bother? Since when is seeing my girlfriend a bother?” You stomped your foot, you knew it was childish, but you were angry. This had been bottled up for days and you could no longer hold it in.

“Since my boyfriend sent out a clone to see me after he’d been on a month-long mission! Come to think of it, that probably wasn’t even the first time!” His jaw dropped a little before his expression shifted to shame.

“It was the first time… I was still exhausted from the mission, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed.” Your glare softened a little.

“You could’ve just told me, Shika... we could’ve taken a nap, hell I would’ve waited to see you until you were up to it!” You sighed, draping your arms around his middle. “I thought it would work, I didn’t want to upset you or neglect you. Forgive me?”

You giggled a little. “For a genius, you can be quite slow Shika. Of course, I forgive you, just don’t do it again.” He breathed out a soft laugh as he hugged you tighter.

“I won’t. And I’ll have you know, I’m the genius. I don’t even know what slow means.” You laughed as the two of you walked through the park, hand in hand. And this time, you had the real Shikamaru all to yourself.

Kiba~

You held tighter onto your stomach, trying to quell the neverending pain. You had changed into dry clothes and you were now cuddled into your bed, pillows surrounding you. You knew you should probably be happy that Kiba had finally left but instead, a nagging feeling in your chest tormented you worse than your cramps.

You screamed into your pillow in frustration. If you didn’t distract yourself, and soon, your thoughts of Kiba would torture you. You rolled out of bed and stumbled out of the room to go search for something to eat. If there was anything that could help you, it was food.

After almost crying that there was no ice cream, you settled on a bowl of the sugariest cereal you could find. It wasn’t ice cream, by any means, but it was still unhealthy enough to do its job. Suddenly, you heard your doorknob click and then turn. Your eyes narrowed as Kiba and Akamaru scrambled in, Kiba with two bags in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed lowly. The Inuzuka’s face was pale with fear as he met your hard gaze. “Listen, I’m really sorry, I was really immature and bratty, and then after you closed your door, I smelled blood and realized you were on your period and I’ve been nothing but a huge jerk so I brought you stuff!” He rushed out in one breath, holding out the bags towards you like a peace offering.

Your mouth fell open momentarily as you processed everything that had just come out of his mouth. Cautiously you peered into the bag, still a smidge wary of him after all the pranks. Your heart melted a little as you saw the contents. Inside was (f/f) ice cream, a comfy blanket, chocolates, your favorite sweatshirt of his to steal, and some snacks.

You felt your eyes well up with tears as you looked up at your nervous boyfriend. “W-wait! Don’t cry, I can lea-” You pounced on him, cutting off his sentence. Your arms were around his neck and your legs were around his waist.

“You’re so amazing, Kiba! T-thank you!” You knew there was no reason to cry, but your out of wack emotions didn’t care. “So you forgive me then?!” You giggled through your tears at his hopeful voice. “Yeah… but I’m warning you, Kiba, I’m getting my revenge! After we cuddle…” you grinned.

Gaara~

You were beyond pissed off as you laid in your bed, being forced to listen to Gaara as he moved about the kitchen. After he’d all but blown you off hours before, you had come home and decided on an early bedtime. As much as you wanted to avoid him, it was near impossible since you two shared a flat.

You had assumed he’d come home after you were asleep and just get into bed quietly. But, unfortunately, luck was still not on your side. He’d come home far earlier than you’d imagined and was making a huge ruckus, and it only fueled your anger and hurt.

After an hour of the disrespect, you’d decided you’d had enough and you stomped into the kitchen, practically radiating murderous intent. “What in the hell are you doing?” You questioned, dangerously. The redhead turned around, shame clouding his eyes. “Oh, hello, I was just making dinner… I assume you never got to eat?”

Just then your eyes drifted to the table, which was beautifully set with (favorite meal) in the middle of the table. “Why are you doing this?” You whispered. Gaara moved to stand in front of you so you could see the seriousness in his expression.

“I know one meal can’t make up for the way I’ve been neglecting you, and for my behavior earlier, but I’m going to try, starting now. I was a fool and I could’ve lost you… please forgive me, (Y/N).” You looked away from his intense gaze, your stare once again landing on the delicious-looking meal.

Yes, he’d clearly put effort into this, but you were really hurt by his recent distance towards you. But, he was trying to spend more time with you and it would be counterproductive to deny that, and plus you had dearly missed your boyfriend.

“Okay, Gaara, I believe you,” You stated, looking back into his eyes. Your breath caught at the smile on his face as he sat you in your seat. “I swear, I’m going to make this up to you, (Y/N).” He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

Kakashi~

If it wasn’t the constricting wrapping around your stomach and shoulder, you would’ve forgotten about the wounds altogether. The dull aching was nothing in comparison to the stabbing sensation in your chest.

Kakashi had left the day before and there was still no sign of him. You couldn’t help but be antsy. Had he meant everything he said and did he plan on coming back? You were on the couch, struggling to rewrap your wounds with your bad shoulder as you pondered these things.

You hardly flinched as your door opened, choosing to ignore the silverette intruding into your home. It was silent even as he gently took the supplies from your hands and started doing the work himself.

You watched him with a blank expression as he worked, waiting for him to say something. After a few long minutes, he began to speak. “I was horrible last night. There’s no excuse, I know, but… I don’t want you to end up like them and I overreacted. Big time.”

You knew he was talking about all the friends and family he had lost to the shinobi world, and even though you weren’t anywhere near happy, you understood. By now he had finished dressing your wounds and was looking you in the eye. The eye you could see was red and puffy as if he’d been crying.

“I’m really sorry, (Y/N). I won’t ask you to forgive me because frankly, I don’t deserve that right now.” You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug. He eagerly returned it, relieved you were willing to touch him. “You were a real jerk you know.” You stated. He nodded, “I was.” “And I worked really hard to get here, and I’m proud of my abilities,” You continued. He pressed a small kiss to your shoulder.

“As you should be. I really am proud of you too.” You cracked a small smile. “But, I love you, Kakashi, and as long as this doesn’t happen again, I forgive you.” He hugged you tighter, his hair tickling your cheek a little. “It won’t, I swear it to you.” You hummed in response, feeling much lighter than you had minutes before.

~Akatsuki~

Pein~

“To be clear, I think you’re both overreacting. Pein blew a tiny problem out of the water, but you also know how he gets when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean any of that.” You scowled at Itachi’s words, knowing he was probably correct.

“I hate it when you’re right, Itachi. Seriously.” He chuckled at your pout, patting your head. “You should go talk to hi-” You stopped him, with a wave of your hand. “Nope, nope, nope. He was in the wrong, so if he wants to talk, he can come to me and apologize.”

The ravenette looked up before standing up to leave. “Alright, good luck then, (Y/N).” You grabbed his wrist, desperate. “Wait, don’t leave me! I don’t know what to do!”

He raised an eyebrow. “But I just told you to go talk to him?” You let go, groaning. “But I don’t want to!” He sighed, leaving. “You’re whining, (Y/N).”

You stammered, shocked that he was just up and walking away. “So, I guess this is good timing then?” You shrieked, startled as you turned to face the very topic of your last conversation.

“Um...hi?” He sat down next to you, his frown deepening. “I was… wrong, earlier. I apologize for what I said. I wasn’t being fair.” Your jaw dropped in utter astonishment. Never had you ever heard Pein say anything about him being wrong.

“I found out what Hidan said and I’m surprised cut off his head was all you did.” You giggled a little. How could you stay mad when he was humbling himself like this? “He does know the right buttons to push. And I forgive you, I know you’ve been stressed lately, I didn’t mean to add to that.” You leaned your head on his shoulder as you spoke.

“You could never do that, (Y/N). Now, how about we go show Hidan what true pain is?” You just smirked and cracked your knuckles in response.

Deidara~

You had arrived in your room immediately after leaving Deidara and Sasori, but unfortunately, your room was just on the other side of the wall so it wasn’t like you had gone far. It was quiet for a little while, and you occupied yourself with a book you had found lying around the base.

“Sasori no Danna!” You rolled your eyes at Deidara’s frantic shout. Hopefully, nothing was going to explode. “What, brat? I’m working.” “We have to apologize to (Y/N), yeah!” Your attention was peaked now, and you sat against the wall as to not miss anything.

“I will do no such thing. I merely stated an opinion.” You shrugged, you hadn’t expected anything else from Sasori. “But we hurt her feelings, un! Her art is great, yeah!” “You hurt her feelings. You’re her boyfriend.” You heard the redhead click his tongue, clearly annoyed at being interrupted.

“Fine! But will you at least help me, un?!” “Absolutely not. I don’t like abstract and I won’t apologize for it.” You laughed lightly at the puppet’s stubbornness. “Please, Danna, un! I don’t even know why I said those things!” “I don’t know or care. Now go apologize, brat, I can’t take any more of your whining.”

You heard scrambling and then his door opened and closed. You all but jumped back on your bed so you wouldn’t be caught eavesdropping.

The door opened and the nervous blonde stepped in. The second he saw your flushed face, he groaned. “You heard everything didn’t you, hmm?” You sheepishly rubbed your neck. “Thin walls?”

He walked closer, his cheeks tinted red. “I was wrong, (Y/N), un. I’ve never seen you have an off day…” You smiled taking his outstretched hand. “Even though your paintings don’t explode, they are art, yeah. Will you forgive me, hmm?”

Before you could respond, you felt something lick your hand. Deidara snickered. “I think my hand mouths want you to forgive me too, un.”

Giggling, you kissed his cheek. “Well, they should be happy to hear that I do forgive you, Dei. Sasori, on the other hand...” You both smirked, sharing a look that promised trouble.

Masterlist

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month Day 4- Nightmare

I wanna say sorry in case there are past-present confusions; it's just that i usually writr in the oast tense but i have been trying to write in the present lately and i still forget sometimes so plz ignore those mistakes 😅

I hope you enjoy anyway! Love Dia~

Therapy- part 2

“I just want to make sure she feels ok, I can’t even go to her house and ask her sister or dad how she is because looking at them makes me feel guilty" Naruto whines. “She has been out of the hospital for almost 4 weeks now and I have barely seen her”

“Maybe she needs some time alone, maybe this is how she is now, the war changed all of us Naruto" Saskura tries to reason but she too is a bit frustrated by Hinata's recent behavior. It is true that a lot of people act less like themselves now, but it is different when it’s a close friend.

Sasuke only watches his two friends talk about Hinata. Since he saw her at the therapy group he went to each meeting even if they were twice a week and she always showed up. Two sessions ago she started sharing but only small parts of what is in her brain. For some reasons Sasuke feels a kinship between the them, it is probably one sided since she showed no sign that she is aware of his presence in the room. But listening to both sides, Hinata's and Naruto's he can’t help but side with her. She is trying her best to find a way that works for her to cope and to his blonde friend her silence is inconvenient, he wants Hinata to be well not really for her own good but for his, because if she were fine than he could stop feeling guilty. Of course Sasuke will never tell Naruto that but it still bothered him a little which is why he always avoided talkibg about the Hyuuga girl.

°°°

“I have nightmares with what happened, I haven’t been able to sleep more than 20 minutes since I woke up from the coma" that is all that she shared today but that small piece of information stuck with Sasuke and made the bond he feels like they have even stronger. Without much thought while everyone is leaving Sasuke goes after her. She is still a bit skittish so he clears his throat before actually reaching for her elbow just to let her know of his presence.

“Uchiha-san?” her voice is soft and small her eyes are questioning but yet she keeps herself with the mask of indifference, like she didn’t just admit of being haunted just like him. Sasuke remembers Hinata well they never really talked or interacted much, but he never forgets a face. He takes a moment longer to stare at her and appreciate the way her face changed over time from the child-like innocence to feminine beauty.

“Do you have a moment to talk?” He knows that there is a very small chance that she will accept that offer, taking into consideration that she refuses to talk to her friends, but sometimes all you need is a stranger to listen without judgement and without comparing the old you to the one you are now.

Hinata looks at him as well, he was always this monster in her mind painted by everyone in the village, by her family. The rivalry between her and his clan was always known about, and even after the Uchihas has tragically died Hiashi still talked about them with hatred. But in the time that she has been awake she found out the real story behind the massacre, behind Itachi, behind Sasuke and it would be a lie to say she isn’t curious to see what he is like now.

With a slight nod on Hinata’s part they start to make their way to where the old park was. Sasuke led them there only to see that thw park is no longer there. “It was destroyed in the fight against Pain" Hinata says looking across what is now a couple of food stands. “Most of this part of the village is different” Taking his hand Hianta starts walking to the bank that is on the outskirt of the food court.

“That was the park that Itachi would take me to play in…you know, before everything" Sasuke isn’t big on sharing either but he feels it is only fair for him to start before asking her questions that he knows Hinata will feel uncomfortable answering. “The thing you said, about having nightmares, I can relate I still have them even jf so many years passed. It is also true that I didn’t cope in the healthiest way with that loss”

The silence is pregnant but not awkward. It feels more like they are both in their own far-away world. “ I would hope that they stop soon. I can’t keep having the same nightmare over and over again without losing my mind.” Sasuke wanted to say something to comfort her in some way but she appears to be on a roll so he decided to stay and watch and If she needs it he will offer her any kind of consolation he can think of. “I wake up every time screaming and crying because I see Neji fie again and again and I am soaked in his blood, his lifeless body over me. And this voice comes and tells me that it should have been me died and not him and I agree with that voice.” Her voice turns shaky and Sasuke knows that if he looks at her now tears will be running down her cheeks most likely but he chooses to give ber some privacy. “All my life I have been taught that war is part of the ninja world, that so is death but I fucking hate this world we live in" The Uchiha is a bit taken aback by her cursing.

Once more silence falls over the two of them. And this time Sasuke is the one to talk. “I am afraid that I will never learn how to cope with that happened. So much time has passed and I still feel stuck there, in that moment when I realize that I am alone, the one and only left standing in my house and clan.”

Her touch is soft and gentle, she rakes his hand and holds it tightly in one hand while with the back o f the other she wipes her tears and than his. Sasuke hasn’t even noticed he has been crying. In this moment it feels like it is only them in a world that is so cruel it too way too much from both of them. Unlike many people they have lived their worst nightmares, they share some kind of tragedy that makes it easier to co fide in one another. They don’t judge; they relate, or if they don’t, at last the understand part of the pain.

Part 1

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Borrowed, With Interest

My dreams for the future… never really thought about it. (Ep. 4) | Kakayama Week 2019 Day 1: Soulmates | AO3 |

The first time Kakashi meets Yamato, he greets him by doubling over and vomiting just to the left of his sandals. Well, not quite the first time. Kakashi has spent a number of hours in the other man’s company. More than he can count, really. Though it’s been some years since then, his memory of it remains strong, sharingan or no. But that had been with Tenzō, ANBU of Konohagakure. Not Yamato, Captain of Team Kakashi. Not much of this occurs to Kakashi as Jiraiya is thumping his back, Tsunade is examining him, and Yamato is looking on with every sign of concern. “What have you been doing now?” Tsunade complains, jabbing him between his eyebrows. “Don’t tell me you’ve been using the sharingan while in a hospital bed. I won’t be held responsible if you can’t move for three more weeks.” “I didn’t,” Kakashi says tiredly, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “I don’t know what it was. The room suddenly took a turn.”

Yamato, as they are calling him, gives him a small smile as he hands him a glass of water. “I didn’t realize my presence would be so upsetting to you,” he says, with a raised brow. Kakashi replies with a weak chuckle. “Maybe it was sympathy pains. My team is... energetic,” he says, sharing a knowing glance with Jiraiya. Yamato’s stance shifts from teasing to purposeful. “I’m sure I’ll learn to cope.” 

They don’t speak much more directly, as Yamato is briefed on the mission. Though Kakashi’s eyes do drift to Yamato’s at the mention of Orochimaru, the only hint of disturbance in his face is the tightening around his eyes. He doesn’t have to wait to ask. His substitute lingers by his bedside after both Tsunade and Jiraiya have left. “You haven’t gotten any better at regulating your chakra usage on missions, I see,” Yamato reproaches, sitting down on the edge of Kakashi’s bed. “You should be nice to people when you visit them in the hospital, Tenzō,” Kakashi counters, finally letting himself lay back down. “You should be in the hospital less, senpai,” is Yamato’s familiar retort. Kakashi would shrug if he were upright, but instead lets his head shift half an inch and decides it conveys the same meaning. “Is that why you have that look on your face? You’re concerned for my well-being?” “I have a headache,” Yamato says, rubbing at his temples. “Already? That doesn’t bode well.” “Not from the briefing.” Yamato’s face scrunches up. His left eye winces, as if he's trying to clear it of some irritant. “My eyes have been aching since I entered the room. Maybe it’s the antiseptic in the air.” With a sympathetic wrinkle of his nose, Kakashi says, “Or the vomit. Sorry about that, by the way.” Laughing, Yamato tells him, “It’s not the first time I’ve seen you get sick. If I thought it was because of me, I really would be offended.” After a moment, he asks, “But you’re alright, then?” “Yes,” Kakashi responds truthfully. Despite the initial shakiness, his body feels quite a bit stronger now than it had just this morning. It's a confusing juxtaposition, but he is too thankful to question it much. “With enough luck, I’ll be up and walking around by the time you get back.” “I’ll hold you to that,” Yamato tells him.

---

A week later, Kakashi dreams of Orochimaru. First, he sees the man standing over Sasuke, holding a kunai against his throat. Then it is Tenzō, or Yamato, or any of the other names Kakashi has called him over the years, being pushed underwater by pale hands. Then it’s Kakashi himself being carried by a tide, hands struggling to find purchase in the water that surrounds him. His hands finally brush something. A vine, he thinks, grasping it tightly. And he wakes. For a moment, he supposes he must still be dreaming, because there could be no other reason why his hospital room is covered in wooden tendrils, snaking around his arms and across his bed, onto the floor. There is only one mokuton user in Konoha, and he isn’t in the village right now. Kakashi tries to shake his hand free of the vines and realizes, with some alarm, that they are attached to his body. When his heartbeat hastens, the vines move and grow, which only serves to increase its pace. He shuts his eye. If this is his own jutsu, it is something he can control. If it is a genjutsu of someone else’s making, it is something he can break. Taking a deep breath, Kakashi folds his hands into the serpent seal he’s seen Tenzō perform hundreds of times, and experimentally, lets his chakra flow. The response is immediate. The vines sprout buds, and with not much prodding on Kakashi’s part, begin to bloom. The scent of jasmine fills the air. One flower creeps its way up the bed to brush against Kakashi’s neck. It’d be breathtaking if it weren’t so terrifying. Kakashi is so spellbound by the shifting plants that it barely phases him when a figure lands at his hospital window. It is only when he registers who it is that he turns sharply. Tenzō. Yamato. Yamato stares at him, one eye black, and the other vivid red. “We need to talk,” he says, and collapses.

---

Kakashi really tries not to laugh. He fails, but he would submit that it’s important that he tries. It’s Yamato’s fault, really, for the awfully amusing expression on his face. “Not a word,” Yamato grumbles, adjusting the straps of his eye-patch. “You know, if you gave up on the happuri, you could just cover it the way I cover mine.” Kakashi taps his forehead protector, where Obito’s eye, now black, is still hidden. Tsunade had advised them not to give too much away while the details of their conditions were still unknown. Yamato folds his arms stubbornly. “No.” Sighing, Kakashi nudges him. “Fine. If you won’t let me help you, then you help me. The Kyūbi’s chakra needs to be suppressed if we’re going to train Naruto as intensely as I’ve planned. I was going to ask you, but since that’s out of the question...” “I’ll still attend his training,” Yamato interjects firmly. “The jutsu to suppress bijū chakra isn’t easy. You’ll need guidance, Kakashi.” Kakashi begins to offer a reply that he’s sure will annoy his companion, but he lets his amusement be quelled by Yamato’s warning look. “Alright, Mokuton no Tenzō,” he says, extending his hands, palms up. “Teach me.” Gently, Yamato’s hands wrap around Kakashi’s, and guide him through a series of signs. “We’ll start off simple. If you try to use up too much chakra right away, you’ll just end up exhausting yourself again.” These are the hand seals he uses when he’s growing trees, Kakashi notes. He’s never tried to copy any of them for obvious reasons, but they’re burned into his memory from both battle and respite. “Use as much chakra as you would for a shadow clone,” Yamato instructs. Kakashi looks at him askance. “That much?” “Mokuton users are able to replenish their chakra quickly. In theory, that should apply to you, too.” “In theory,” Kakashi repeats, snorting. Kakashi moves to repeat the signs that he’s been shown, and Yamato’s hands hover near his, as if to intervene if necessary. When Kakashi’s hands clasp in the last motion, he feels heat in the pit of his stomach, and then the earth cracks, the beginnings of a small tree emerging beside them. While Kakashi pours chakra into it, the tree grows taller and wider, until Yamato’s fingers touch his wrist. “That’s enough for this one,” Yamato says hoarsely. Kakashi lets out a breathless laugh. “That was... different. I’ve never felt a jutsu like that before.” “I’ve never seen anyone else use mokuton before,” Yamato replies, looking thoroughly discomposed. His hand hasn’t left Kakashi’s wrist. Right. As strange as it is for him, it must be much stranger for his friend. “Are you okay?” Yamato’s face splits into an exhilarated smile, and his fingers slide over Kakashi’s. “Yes,” he says, in a tone which leaves no room for doubt. “Good,” says Kakashi, finding it difficult to look away. If he were a more foolish man, he might think the tree branches were growing longer without his doing. To break the tension, he pulls on Yamato’s eye-patch, letting it snap back into place. “Hey!” Kakashi squeezes Yamato’s fingers with his other hand, and then lets go. “Let’s keep going.”

--

Training is a new set of challenges. Though Naruto’s knowledge of jutsu is woefully incomplete enough that he doesn’t know that wood release isn’t a normal chakra nature (whether Kakashi should blame himself or Jiraiya for that, he’s not sure) Naruto is astute enough to recognize that bijū suppression is not a skill Kakashi has ever displayed, but it is one that Yamato had been using on their mission together. “There was a bit of a mix-up,” Yamato is explaining. “So Kakashi-san will be performing the Mokuton while I supervise both of you.” Naruto frowns. “But you said it was a kekkei genkai.”

“Yes,” Yamato says patiently.

“So are you from the same clan?” Yamato sighs. “No. You have to remember, I wasn’t born with this ability either. It happened through Orochimaru’s experiments. Think of this change like another experiment.” Naruto nods seriously, and Kakashi can see Yamato is relieved. But Kakashi knows Naruto well enough to anticipate the ‘hm’ and words that follow. “I still don’t get it.” Deciding it’s time to intervene, Kakashi stands up and says, “How I got these powers isn’t important. What is important is that I can use them to help you train.” At the last word, Naruto’s face lights up, and Kakashi takes that as encouragement. “The stronger you get, the closer you can get to the Akatsuki, and to Sasuke. You understand that, right?” Naruto claps his hands together. “Then what are we waiting for, y’know?” he says, grinning. “Let’s start, Kakashi-sensei!” Kakashi isn’t as at ease with mokuton as he would like. Plants seem to take to chakra eagerly, so he has a hard time gauging how to grow intentionally and carefully as Yamato does. And in the case of chakra suppression, he finds it hard to maintain a jutsu like this for hours on end, when his most powerful techniques are built for strength rather than stamina. Even with his chakra being replenished, it feels terribly unnatural. He’s not sure if having Yamato standing behind him is helping or breaking his concentration. “Steady,” Yamato murmurs, with a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “Stop looking at his progress and think about your own jutsu.” “It would be easier if this were my jutsu,” Kakashi reminds him, a little ruefully. Pressing his knee against Kakashi’s back so he has to correct his posture, Yamato says, “It’s yours for now. And you have to learn to use it, just as I’ll have to learn to use the sharingan.” Kakashi stiffens at that. “Right,” he says quietly. By some miracle, they manage not to incur any major disaster in the course of the day. Once, Kyūbi’s chakra surges, and Kakashi calls out a hasty, “Tenzō,” while his companion fires out rapid commands. It is an exhausting jutsu, and Kakashi almost feels guilty for asking his friend to do this when he can barely manage to do it himself. When night has fallen, and Naruto has settled himself some distance away so he can sneak off to train too early for his own sake, Kakashi turns and says, “I don’t think I’ve given you enough credit for your skill with mokuton.” Shifting onto his side in his sleeping bag, Yamato replies, “And I don’t think I’ve given you enough credit for how draining it is to have a sharingan taking your chakra every hour of the day. You bear it well.” Kakashi looks away, directing his gaze at the night sky. “I’ve had some time to get used to it.” Yamato pauses. “Does it upset you?” he asks, after a prolonged beat of silence. “That I seem to have the sharingan which was given to you as a keepsake?” “I don’t know. It’s a strange feeling. But you didn’t exactly choose to have it,” Kakashi reasons, catching his eye again. “And if there’s anyone I trust to know what this kind of gift means, it’s you.” Yamato has discarded both eye-patch and happuri for the night, so when he opens his other eye, Kakashi gets a clear view of the red iris and its three tomoe. Kakashi reaches out, and then hesitates, letting his hand fall back down onto the grass between them. Yamato tugs on Kakashi’s wrist, leading the other man’s fingers to his cheek, just beneath the sharingan. “I haven’t seen a sharingan in a few years,” Kakashi says lightly, despite the loud thumping in his chest. “Me either,” Yamato retorts glibly. Kakashi laughs, his fingertips grazing Yamato’s cheek as he does. “Is that a reprimand, or you telling me you miss me?” “Both,” says Yamato with an earnest smile. Kakashi finally pulls away, and says, “Well, I’ll be around.” Yamato closes both of his eyes. “Good.”

---

“Is it always like this?” Kakashi asks, during another break in training when Naruto is taking a well-earned nap. Kakashi’s combs his fingers through the grass, pensive. “Can you always feel the life coursing through your surroundings?”

“In Konoha, more than most,” Yamato explains, leaning against the tree at his back. “The plants aren’t quite so loud anywhere else. I suspect that’s Hashirama-sama’s influence.”

Kakashi takes this in, nodding. He glances at Naruto, checking that he is still asleep, and then admits, “It’s overwhelming.”

Yamato looks at him with a partiality that ought to make him wary, but doesn’t. “You spend your days teaching chakra control to a jinchūriki, and this is what overwhelms you?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not the same. This is more than hyper-awareness. It’s like being in a crowd at all times. I don’t know how to tune it out.” Kakashi is used to mitigating his sensory input, but this isn’t as simple as closing his eyes. Whether or not he is trying to infuse chakra, the flora seem to be making themselves known to him. Closing his eyes only makes them clearer. Yamato is right. The plants are loud.

“I find it helps to narrow your focus,” Yamato advises kindly. He plucks a single blue flower from the ground, and holds it in front of Kakashi. “It’s similar to dōjutsu. You receive a lot of information, but only so much of it is important for you to take in.”

Absorbing this, Kakashi swipes the plant from his companion, rolling its stem across the pad of his thumb. “Have you tried to use the sharingan?”

“I had a look around the field this morning.” Glancing at Kakashi archly, Yamato adds, “Are you aware that your facial anatomy is very symmetrical?”

Kakashi grins. “Are you making a pass at me in front of my student, Yamato?”

“He’s asleep,” Yamato points out.

“Even worse,” Kakashi says, twirling the flower at him like it’s a teacher’s measuring stick.

Yamato tries stoutly to knock Kakashi onto the grass as he smirks.

---

Akatsuki makes no allowances for their ever-changing lives, and so Kakashi finds himself readying to leave the village with little preparation, jutsu or otherwise. As he heads out of his door, he isn’t surprised to see Yamato waiting at his entryway with a perturbed look. Just like the plants, Yamato's chakra makes itself heard. He could sense the man standing patiently near while he packed his weapons pouch.

“You’re going to let those kids do something stupid.” Kakashi debates asking, ‘Which kids?’ But no matter who, an answer other than ‘yes’ would be a lie. “They’re going to do something stupid anyway. I’m going to offer them adult supervision.” Yamato steps towards him. He hasn’t quite learned to compensate for the issues in his depth perception yet, so he stumbles into Kakashi as he does. “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing? Asuma was your friend, I get that. But going as you are... it’s dangerous.”

“When Sasuke left the village, I didn’t chase after him. He didn’t come back.” Kakashi says sombrely. His hands, outstretched to catch Yamato from his stagger, rest on his friend’s elbows. “I won’t let the same thing happen to Team 10.”

“It isn’t the same,” Yamato replies.

“Isn’t it?” Kakashi lets out a deep breath. “Listen, I understand why you’re concerned. But this is something I have to do. If not for my sake, then for Asuma’s.”

The words seem to strike Yamato. Kakashi is not the only one worried for the scattered rookie teams. It is already clear how much Team 7 has softened him in such a short time. “They do need help. Though I'm not sure you're in the best position to offer it," he adds, perhaps purely on principle.

“If I thought I could buy more time, I would. But we have to improvise,” Kakashi says, knowing how much Yamato hates the word. "I'll be fine. I’ve survived this long, haven’t I?”

The tension in Yamato’s chest drops, but it seems to signify resignation rather than relief. “With your own jutsu. This kind of mission requires back-up.”

“We’re pretty good at sharing,” Kakashi reassures him. “And you’ve got Naruto to look after while I’m gone. I’m sure you’ll be along, if I need it.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Yamato gives him a wry glance. “Doesn’t stop me wishing I could be there to help.”

The hands slide down from Yamato’s elbows so that he can feel the pulse of mokuton in Kakashi’s palm. “You will be,” he says, meaning it.

A static shock passes between them as Yamato presses his fingers against Kakashi's. It is an unfamiliar kind of comfort that settles over him quietly before his journey, but a welcome one. Good, he thinks foolishly, lingering on the doorstep for a moment too long.

[uchiuzus]

there are just some things you shouldn’t see

i. cursed observation — shikamaru (2,270 words, sasunaru // shikamaru has thoughts on sasuke and naruto’s relationship)

Shikamaru is a lot of things, but nosy isn't one of them. Rather than nosy, he'd like to call it observant—as in, he just so happens to see a lot of things that may slip under the radars of others. One example is how Sakura and Ino will disappear together during their breaks at the hospital. Another is how much time Hinata spends with Kiba and Shino instead of her own clan, and how they can be found playing with Akamaru in the training fields more often than not.

Another is how Lady Tsunade will pop a vein when Naruto so much as breathes Sasuke's name in her presence.

He understands—sort of. The esteem Lady Tsunade holds Naruto in has always been... high. Shikamaru has no place to say it, but Naruto is to Tsunade what Asuma was (still is) to him: a driving force. Something to work for. As close a point of salvation as one could find in their lives. Sure, Lady Tsunade could murder Naruto with a flick of her finger, but that's not what he means.

Her stubbornness is notorious; he'd heard the stories about her, about the Sannin during the second Great War and each of their aftermaths—how she refused to treat anyone anymore. How she fled the village in fear and self-loathing and then subsequently avoided it for decades for the same reasons. Shikamaru doesn't blame her because he's not sure he'd do much different in her position.

Then came Naruto with his big dreams and even bigger mouth, and she's practically putty in his hands. That's kind of... his thing. Thing, capital 'T', proper noun. There's no better way to phrase it.

Naruto doesn't come with simple explanation—gather up the greatest scholars this world has to offer and they could never conclude with anything coherent, but they would all leave affected. (Shikamaru has been affected, too. He hasn't met a single person who hasn't been. It's contagious.) What Naruto is, the world has never been prepared for. It's easiest to leave it at that.

The point is... he's very important to Lady Tsunade, so Shikamaru surmises that it ruffles her favorite boy, her heir, want someone like Sasuke.

As for Sasuke himself, it's not like Shikamaru has much personal against him—in fact, none of them do. Their feud with him had to do with the village, its protection, and the protection of its people; reasonable. It's complicated when the whole story comes into play. Sasuke had always been a good—not great, kind of an asshole, really—guy, and the way he'd fit into his team was just like a missing puzzle piece. They'd never been friends before and that sure as hell didn't change when he came back.

Still, Shikamaru thinks of Sasuke in terms of, What if I were him? He can't say he would or wouldn't turn out the same, but with baggage as heavy as Sasuke's (the weight of the world, heavier than anyone knows, more crushing than Shikamaru has ever wanted to know), well... It does things to a person. In hindsight, it only seems natural that the strongest person any of them has ever known would help shoulder that weight.

Most people think it's odd; why would Naruto go to the ends of the earth for someone he hated and hated him in kind? Hate isn't the right word, Shikamaru thinks. He'll never claim to know them better, but they've never hated each other and everything they did never made the idea cross his mind. Sure, they've been at each other's throats all their lives, but even when Shikamaru was young and didn't have as wide a scope of emotional comprehension and how to apply it to people in unfortunate situations, he thought of it more as... desperation.

It's never been any of Shikamaru's business and he's never wanted it to be any of his business, but he remembers that desperation with stifling clarity and how it showed itself throughout their childhoods; little things others either didn't notice or didn't want to. Naruto watching Sasuke during their first Chuunin Exams. Sasuke's absolute need to chase and hold down Naruto when he got himself into dire situations. Naruto's determination to followup a hundred times more powerful to meet Sasuke. Sasuke's—

—attempts to separate himself from Naruto.

(Naruto's desperation to chase after Sasuke.)

...Shikamaru, more or less, remembers when he realized Naruto was not Naruto without Sasuke. It was the day they left on his first mission as a chuunin, as a squad leader—the day they were sent out to retrieve Sasuke. To see Sakura cry hurt in a way he didn't understand (though now that feeling stands in parallel to seeing Ino in pain), but Naruto's reaction had been shock—and then an odd look of empathy and compassion. Right then, a lot of things clicked into place.

"Because of Sasuke, you're in pain. I can understand."

Losing a teammate like that—not to death but to their own volition, which had to have led into questions like, What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Why couldn't I stop them?—is dark stuff and Shikamaru doesn't have the audacity to even try putting himself in their positions, but that one look from Naruto... He can almost imagine it. Even when Naruto had returned to the village with Jiraiya, that pain wasn't gone; layers of determination (desperation) had just concealed it.

Years later and the rancid bitterness in the back of Shikamaru's throat has still yet to leave.

These days, when he spots them strolling to village together like they've never been separated once in their whole lives, that expression flashes through his mind. What would Sasuke think with those photographic eyes of his if he had to recall that face in perfect detail? Maybe it's nasty of Shikamaru to say, but that guilt would be warranted (but Sasuke isn't such a stranger with the suffocating feeling anymore, is he? They can all see it, but no one says anything.)

Times come when Shikamaru feels like a thief after clandestine moments, so he puts a lot of conscious effort into not noticing more than he should. Wasted efforts. Can he be blamed? Those two practically radiate their crooked devotion; Sasuke with his glances of wonderment because Naruto might just be a dream, or Naruto's longing gaze that makes it seem like Sasuke will disappear any second. For gods' sakes, it's embarrassing.

Here he is, trying his damnedest to turn the other cheek, but it's like... being forced to peek through a keyhole into a world forbidden. They're just so obvious that it hurts. (If anyone shares his position, they don't mention it to each other either. It's the kind of burden one has to carry alone, drag to the grave in fear of divine punishment.)

Others are blissful in their ignorance of this thing that just is and he sure wishes he could join them instead of this miserable intrusion that he wants nothing to do with. More than one occasion has heard him cursing his natural observation skills, but at this point, he's convinced that some god above wants him to bear witness to all of this and be the one who sees it play out. To not be someone important in their lives but be an audience to what there is between them... It's a nauseatingly high mantle.

Their weird little bond is so potent that he has to notice these things even from a distance (he's so unlucky); the looks, the touches, the unsettled issues, the tied-up loose ends. The rest of the world is willful in not wanting to see it, but he has to and it's...

It's Naruto beaming at Sasuke like the sun. It's Sasuke and his subtle touching of Naruto like he's his lifeline.

(It's so much. It's too much.)

If possible, it's worse when they're apart. Their holes gape, are so flagrantly obvious that they might as well scream their time apart from the rooftops. Shikamaru has to see Naruto's hurry to return. He has to see Sasuke's glances to catch sight of bright blonde hair. They're always in such a hurry to get back, and—Do they even know how to be their own people anymore?

(That's unhealthy.)

Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke and Naruto. What's that thing people say? Distance makes the heart fonder? Then they must be what happens when one chases the other for years, finally catches up, and then is staunchly unwilling to let go. Does distance actually make the heart grow fonder, or does it stretch the heart to its limits and produce some kind of separation anxiety?

(Probably. It also seems to come with blowing each other's arms off, but semantics.)

It makes Shikamaru a bit sick.

How the hell do they deal with it? He's never known how to be anything but his own person, even as a continuation of a tradition that stretches back for generations beyond imagination. Ino and Chouji may as well be his everything, but for Naruto and Sasuke, it's—different. Extreme, he'd might say.

(Then again, neither of them seem capable of anything else but extreme. When you're the two most powerful shinobi to exist, why hide?)

Their lines have blurred to the point where now, they simply are. Are as one. Extensions of each other. Two halves of a whole. Staggeringly so. It's such a romanticized notion that everyone wants for their own, but they don't understand what it actually means to be a part of a bond like that. Even his own flimsy understanding allows him to know better than to think of wanting it; he knows that no one else should want it. If they were forced to see it like he is, surely they wouldn't anymore.

It is, in a word, terrifying. That they seem at peace with not knowing where one begins and the other ends baffles Shikamaru to the point where he doesn't want to think about it, and how the hell can they not care about losing themselves like that? He's not sure how they cope, how they face such an absolutely fucking terrifying existence.

(Together, he supposes, like they always have. Like they always will.)

Do Naruto and Sasuke even know what they look like to the outside world? To not know would be cruel of them, Shikamaru thinks, but with that impenetrable... whatever the hell it is enveloping them when they're together, that barrier, their ignorance wouldn't be surprising. It's like the rest of them simply exist in a simulation made for them. What a powerful thing it is; too powerful to be aware of, but—

There have been times when Shikamaru has seen Sasuke—and Sasuke has found him in turn, caught his reluctant studying red-handed. With his single-eyed gaze, dark and effortlessly cognizant, he'll pin Shikamaru in place like he's using Nara jutsu against him—and Shikamaru, for all that he's never been intimidated by Sasuke, will not move; will find that he can't move.

He knows. Sasuke knows exactly what they look like to outsiders. Even when Naruto is there and blabbering in his ear about one thing or another, he has enough awareness to look outwards. He's aware that yes, there is a world that exists outside of them and yes, they come in a set no matter what—he just doesn't care. (Why should he? It's pretty obvious to Shikamaru that, sickeningly enough, all he needs is right next to him.)

And he'll smile. He'll smile and his eye will curve, because he knows.

(Shikamaru thinks he knows Sasuke well enough to know that he could use it as a weapon in his pride, which would be a whole lot more unsettling if it were anyone but Naruto at his side. Shikamaru isn't one for dramatics, but Sasuke's force of nature is only countered and balanced by Naruto's, protecting... well, everyone. If Naruto is aware of that, he doesn't show it. He's always been the oblivious idiot who no one gives enough credit.)

This understanding of how Naruto is not without Sasuke and Sasuke is not without Naruto strains Shikamaru; not like a complex puzzle that has catharsis in completion, but more like a high-stakes disaster on the horizon that the fate of many rests on. Frankly, it's going to give him early gray hairs.

Still, for all that he's aware of this daunting truth, relief is handed to him in that Sasuke seems to realize it too and has completely accepted it. Thrown himself head-first into it. Probably never wants to come back from it. The point is, it lets Shikamaru separate himself from it, though he might not ever be able to push it out of his mind completely. Small mercies. Really... small fucking mercies.

Relaxing and having time to oneself is something Shikamaru greatly appreciates, so for those two to seem not to is—ugh.

But...

Practically cursed or not, overwhelmed by their attachment or not, he's got no room to judge them. Maybe he even admires the fact that after all they've been through, they still want to be together. It's a marvel, to say the least.

A marvel, a miracle, all those words that try to explain what's beyond human comprehension—and none of his business. He'll eventually get around to scrubbing his hands of the troublesome, earth-shattering truth, happily scrubbing until squeaky clean and free of the burden.

(He doubts the shackles of his instincts to take in every detail possible will allow it, but... It's the thought that counts.)

[ramennoodlesandnarusasu]

A kiss never forgotten

*Chap 1: A drunken night*

*Chap 2: A blurred night*

*Chap 3: The bath house*

*Chap 4: A Thousand pieces*

*Chap 5: Heart beat*

*Chap 6: Surprise*

*Chap 7: Sunsets, trees and you*

*Chap 8: What now?*

*Chap 9: Healing the unfixable*

*Chap 10: So, this is it?*

Chap 11: What now?

*8 am*

Naruto felt like a sheet of warmth was surrounding him.  His heart felt swollen from joy, it had beaten so quickly in last 24 hours that it soon had tired out. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the bright sun which radiated from the window into his room. Naruto felt a strange heat over his stomach, he looked down and saw a pale arm wrapped tightly around his stomach.

Naruto was hit with the realization that Sasuke was laying in his bed. His heart started to increase once again, he felt strange tingly sensations running up and down his arms. His drunk self had forgotten that he had finally confessed to Sasuke his true feelings

Naruto was beyond happy, this little moment in the Hokage’s bed, Sasuke literally millimetres away from him. He had dreamt of this moment for so long and it finally was here. Naruto turned around to slowly face Sasuke. Trying desperately to turn smoothly so he didn’t wake him.

As Naruto turned around he was faced with tired black eyes and a soft loving smile. He felt it again, that sensation of electricity, his heart swelling up and butterflies bubbling in his stomach. Naruto was so undeniably in love, how could he not feel this way towards Sasuke? Especially when he smiled like that. “Did I wake you Sasuke?” “Hm, yer, but that was probably the best wakeup call I’ve had in my life.”

Naruto exploded internally, every cell in his body was unable to cope with the level of joy and contentment he felt.  He looked at Sasuke and vibrantly smiled, forcing small tears to fall from the corner of his eye. Sasuke softly wiped them away with his fingers and then went back to lovingly staring at Naruto, memorising every angle as the morning light hit his perfectly sculpted body.

There was a moment in the bliss of the morning scene, birds chirping and the sunrise light filtering in and highlighting every muscle of Sasuke’s upper body, where Naruto felt like he was floating, blissfully unaware of reality. Naruto immediately came down from cloud nine, when he realized the realism of the scene he was currently in.

Sasuke was laying in his bed half naked. Naruto looked down and saw that the only thing covering his bare chest was the blanket. “Fuck Sasuke, we didn’t have…?” “Sex? Tch, no baka. Firstly, I’m not that easy, you are going to have to wine and dine me Naruto Uzumaki before you get into my pants.  Secondly, you where drunkenly ranting about how you have to break it off officially with Hinata, before you could be ready for anything.”

Naruto regrettably forgot he had to tell Hinata today. There was no going back after last night with Sasuke. “Fuck. Right I have to tell Hinata.” Sasuke’s eyes widened in horror. “Wait! Naruto, don’t tell me you didn’t mean anything you said last night?” “Oh my god Sasuke. No, I meant everything.” Sasuke untensed and let out a small breath. “It’s just…” “Naruto?” “I’m scared Sasuke.”

Sasuke sat up and brought Naruto into a deep hug, full of security and love. “I know its scary Naruto. But, if not now? When?” “No, it has to be now, there is no way I’m going back to the way things were.” Naruto struggled to get out of Sasuke’s tight grip. He managed to wriggle out and grab Sasuke by his arms. “Look at me Sasuke.” Sasuke didn’t waver, he was fully invested in the next words that would leave Naruto’s mouth. “I love you, I do. But the next couple of weeks are not going to be easy. So, I just need you to be here for me.  Can you do that?” “Of course, Usuratonkachi.”

Sasuke smiled widely, grabbed Naruto and pulled him into a long passionate kiss, which may have gone longer than planned.

*10 am*

“Hinata.” “Hello? You never call my phone. Is something wrong?” “Um, can you please do me a favour?” “Uh, sure?” “Can you take the kids to Sakura’s for a sleep over. I have already called in advance. After that can you please meet me by the training grounds?” “Um, okay?” “See you in 20 minutes?” “Okay. See you then.”

Naruto hanged up his phone, took in a deep breath. He knew this was going to hurt. But he needed to treat it like a band aid, rip it off quickly. Naruto changed into some extra Hokage uniform which was laying in the room, completely oblivious that Sasuke was in the room. “AHH, SHIT! Sasuke, sorry I forgot you were still in my room. Let me just…… put my pants back on.” Naruto had turned bright red and Sasuke was making unnatural animalistic noses and breathing at a thousand miles per hour.

“Are you okay?” “Yer… what makes you think I’m not okay?” “You look like your about to pass out. Is my package that good?” Naruto loved teasing Sasuke, now that he could tease him in more ways than one, he was going to have fun playing around. “Aw, is Sasuke kun already keen for this? Well I can’t blame you. I mean look at me.”

“Pff, you wish you were all that. Trust me you pale in comparison to some I’ve seen.” “TEME!” “Aw is Naruto kun jealous already.” Naruto forgot how good Sasuke was at come backs. As much as he wanted to shove a fist in his face, he now also wanted to jump his bones.

God this was going to be a confusing ride between being horny, wanting to fight Sasuke but also wanted to hold him tight in his arms. Naruto needed to stop letting Sasuke distract him, he only had 10 minutes to get to the training grounds and start probably the worst conversation humanly possible.

“Tch, stop annoying me Teme, I have to focus, I have to use the right words and make sure I’m not harsh or anything. She is the mother of my children and has been my wife for years.” “Hmph, I know Naruto. Just remember to reassure her you tried everything in your power to try and make it work.”

Naruto took in a sharp breath, turned around kissed Sasuke quickly and walked out. He was determined and nothing could stop him from breaking up with Hinata.

*12 pm*

Naruto paced back and forth, remembering the things he needed to say. He was sweating from every possible place; his mind was a wreck thinking of every imaginable way that this could go horribly wrong. He imagined Hinata stabbing him, or taking Naruto in a bag and throwing him off a cliff. He was scared of hurting her, but at the same time he wasn’t keen to deal with a pissed-off Hinata.

“Naruto?” Oh fuck, this is it. Deep breaths. In and out.

“Hinata, thanks for coming. Want to have a seat?” “Okay? Naruto why the hell am I out here?” Naruto gulped sharply, feeling a sharp pain in his throat as he did so. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy. He needed to treat it like a band aid.

“Hinata, I am so sorry. I want a divorce.” Naruto automatically started sobbing. He fell to the ground in an attempt to disappear. “I am so so so so sorry. I tried so hard Hinata, I did.” Naruto couldn’t bear the pain he felt, he hated himself to the point where everything inside him had set on fire.

Naruto felt a warm embrace surround him, his heart steadied to a slower pace. “Naruto look at me.” Naruto didn’t know if he could face Hinata in the eye, but he had to look up for her sake. Surprisingly Naruto found Hinata smiling lovingly, with small tears falling down her cheeks. “Naruto, I’ve knowen a long time.”

Naruto was shocked, he was unsure what to feel at this point. How did Hinata know? Did he make it that obvious that he was unhappy in their relationship? “To be honest Naruto, I have been feeling the same way as you.” “You were?” Naruto stopped shaking at this point and moved to a position that was more comfortable.

“How come you never told me?” “Well, Naruto. The kids. I didn’t know what to do. They are going to be broken. But I also couldn’t handle what we became in the last couple of months. And I know this isn’t going to be easy, and it hurts a lot right now. But I also think this is for the best.” Naruto in that moment remembered why he fell in love with Hinata in the first place, it was things like this that made him appreciate the women he married.

“So, you are okay?” “Well it obviously hurts, but to be honest, I was planning on doing it myself soon. I knew this was coming for a long time.” “Hinata, I know this is going to be tough, but I am glad it’s with you. I know we can work through this together.” Hinata had a genuine smile on her face. Mixed emotions of pain and love swirling in her eyes. It was a bitter sweet moment between the newly broken up pair.

“Naruto, promise me something?” “Of course, what is it?” “Promise you will spend time with the kids, don’t just disappear on them. They are going to need you active in their lives more than ever.” “I know Hinata, the only reason it took me so long to break this up, was because I was terrified of hurting them.” “Huh, that’s been running through my head as well.”

Naruto got up from the ground and extended his arm to help Hinata off the floor. “We can get through this.” “I know we can Naruto, just promise me you won’t go running off with someone else too soon.” Naruto nervously chuckled, because waiting for him back in the Hokage tower was Sasuke. “Haha, I will try.”

*1 pm*

Naruto walked back to the Hokage tower feeling surprisingly empty but also free. He felt like a weight that had been resting on his shoulders were finally gone. Hinata decided she wanted to be the one to tell the kids, even though Naruto protested, she made a solid argument about why both of them shouldn’t be in the same room when they got told.

Naruto wondered how the kids would react, Hinata promised to call immediately after to tell Naruto what happened. He felt an obligation to be there when it happened, but he also understood Hinata’s perspective and respected her choice to do it alone. He looked up to the sky, a new day for him. Finally, a single man, free at last. He thought about Sasuke in his room and an odd and desperate sinking feeling hit his stomach.

Sasuke was leaving tomorrow for his week-long mission. Naruto started panicking he didn’t want to be alone for the first week of being divorced. He was going to deal with his children’s sorrow and possible anger at him, all without Sasuke. He started considering cancelling it, he was Hokage after all. But he didn’t want the chunin to be upset, they have been talking about this mission for weeks. Sasuke would probably be happy doing nothing, and more than content to not have to deal with pre-teens.

Naruto let out a depressive sigh, this week was going to be long. Alone, recently divorced and kids that probably hated his guts now. “Huh”.

“What’s with the depressive sigh, good looking?” “SASUKE!” Naruto immediately felt like sun was shining in his soul, his pain slowly numbing away with the sight of Sasuke’s small smile and welcoming embrace.

*Chap 12: Kids and kisses*

[dianapana]

SasuHina Day 12- Angst

Part 1 (Day 3- Post War)

Part 2 (Day 4- Nightmare)

I was re-reading this just to fix any spelling mistakes or such that i noticed and lowkey towards the end i started reading it in a whisper because i felt like i was intruding in a moment that i shouldn’t be able to witness. I like the series a lot, i fixed some of the spelling mistakes in the first 2 parts as well and posted them on fanfiction. ( https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13380606/1/SasuHina-Month-2019 ) I’ll post all days there too and fixing some of the tenses and maybe tiny detail changes too, so if you want to go read them there too that’s be cool (so far i only posted till day 4) 

Anyway, i hope you Enjoy, Love Dia~~~

Therapy -Part 3

Hinata wakes up breathing heavily, but for a glorious moment she forgot where she was or what and happened to her, but memories soon overcome her as do sadness and a heart crushing sob escapes her. Almost 3 months passed since she woke up. For the past month neither her nor Sasuke have gone to the therapy session, they opted to just meeting on the bench where the old park used to be and talk at late times of the night when not many people were around to see them.  

Naruto is still trying to get Hinata to crack and be her old self. He comes to her, he cries and pleads for her to talk to him and she looks at him like she has never seen him before in her life. She could talk to him and put him out of his misery, but what do you know...misery loves company.  

The sun hasn’t risen yet, the birds aren’t singing, it’s still late maybe 4 in the morning but she can’t and won’t go back to sleep. In a haste she dresses and is out the door going to the lonely bench, hoping against hope that Sasuke is there. Their talks are the only thing she clings to with both hands, the only thing still keeping her partially sane. The bench in the food court has become her safe heaven, she finds herself often walking there in a hurry, trying to outrun all her problems and all her thoughts. Her steps grow slow as she nears her safe heaven. She stops and looks at the lonely figure of what feels like her only friend since she woke up from the coma. She didn’t think that Sasuke, someone everyone viewed as a villain for so long would be what kept her alive. As she watches him, her thoughts spin around themselves in circles, she goes over every conversation they had, over every confession she made that he listened to and understood, over every piece of information he gave her and over how her heart broke a thousand times for him. When he admitted that he was scared he will never get over his grief, it took everything in her not to bust into sobs and hold him close to her. Her instincts are telling her to protect him, she’s never felt such strong whims to seek someone out and take their pain away. Even now looking at him alone in the moon light, his head bowed he looks like a small kid that has seen more evil than he should have.  

With a knot in her throat and tears running down her face Hinata finally sits next to Sasuke. He looks at her for a split second, nods and seeks out her hand with his. He's trembling and she’s full out sobbing. They are two people falling apart and the moon is their only witness.  

---

This is a first for them, a first for him. When Sasuke passed by their bench Hinata was there looking sad in the middle of the day. He nudged her foot with his and nodded for her to follow. They walked in silence to his...’home’. As he walks inside, he takes his room in as it were the first time looking at it. It looks just like all the spaces he’s lived in since his parents died, temporary. There is nothing personal of his around, if it weren’t for the bag of clothes in the dresser the room would be empty. He’s cringing while looking at the room, at how sterile and un-lived in it appears. Truth is that no one has been in his space, it’s always him going to Naruto’s or Sakura’s because that way he can leave whenever their company become suffocating. But something about Hinata made him feel different, and now having her in his space feels nice, almost calming.  

Since he admitted to Hinata 2 months ago that he still has nightmares they’ve started being worse, more intense. For years on end he felt numb and distant to everything that happened to him and his family, only led by anger from time to time, he even slipped into insanity for a while he believed. But even then, he found a way to channel those feelings, yet now all he does the whole day is try to find a moment of peace. His grief and pain are intensified to the point that it physically hurts him to exist. It’s almost like all these years his hurt was on hold and when he had a moment of weakness it all came to kick him when he was down, and he still is down.  

Hinata is sitting on his bed staring at Sasuke, he didn’t close the door yet, he’s staying in the frame with a faraway look on his face. Hinata opts to give him some privacy to think his thoughts though, but when a pained expression overcomes his face, his hand trembles and he’s shaking she goes to him slowly, pulls on his arm until he is finally inside the room. She closes the door and turns back to him and hesitates only for a moment before hugging him. They never touched that much, hand holing was the extent of their relationship, but so was the bench, they are breaking limits today, being in his room hugging. Her small frame fits exactly in his hold, and he wraps himself around her perfectly. For a moment the demons are quiet, the sadness is forgotten.  

Hinata looks up at him, staring into his sad and tired eyes. She frees one of her hands and places it on his face to cup his cheek. The skin on his face is so soft, different from any other part of him. For a moment it feels like she’s staring at Sasuke from 12 years ago, a 6-year-old little boy whose world just fell apart and he’s left alone to pick up the pieces and try to make sense of what is left. She wants to weep and scream for that boy, she wants the world to pay for being so cruel to someone so soft, for roughing and thickening his skin way too soon.  

Sasuke is looking her in the eyes, seeing the beauty and good behind her hurt. She's still in there, the world didn’t succeed in tearing her down, but they did hurt her enough for her to fade, to hide. The loss of her cousin and terrible realization that the Ninja world, their world is an awful place full of hurt and death and evil made her take a step back, allowing this mask of indifference to take over. It is just a way of protecting herself. Her hand on his skin is warm but rough, her skin belongs to a fighter, someone that trained until her insides gave out and she was bleeding her soul in the ground. He lowers his face, allowing his forehead to rest on hers, their eyes still connected. And for a glorious moment he can breathe without feeling like his insides are melting.  

Hinata frees her other hand and places it on the nape of his neck, her fingers digging in his hair and skin. She feels it too, waves of warmth, for the first time since she woke up the world doesn’t look so bad and she doesn’t feel so lonely. Sasuke’s hold on her tightens enough that their loose hug turns into a desperate embrace, every part of him touches her, their chests are moving in unison and he tries to bring her closer, almost like he is trying to fuse her into him. His jaw is clenched. Hinata takes a deep breath in and when she exhales it comes out as a sob. She’s the first to close her eyes and Sasuke follows, but their posture remains. Thay stay still, clinging to each other, holding the other from falling apart.

“Hinata” Sasuek whispers and his voice comes out breathy, like a sob, a prayer. He feels as sadness and grief fills him up inside, but it doesn’t feel all that bad when she’s the close to him, when he’s holding her. Mourning, coping and moving on appear possible if she’s there, walking the same path as he is.