#And he ran away because of that and not bc of abuse

[olivers-cocoapuffs]

find me evidence (in the movies or books) that Walburga and Orión were physically abusive

[rainbowberriesandcookies]

"Orihime being afraid of Ichigo's hollow power shows she doesn't fully accept him."

I see this take and similar ones pop up from anti fans of Ichigo and Orihime and try to say that Orihime is bad, in the wrong, etc. for being afraid of his hollowfication powers when her first encounter with a hollow was her brother Sora.

I know the anime did a lot of damage to Orihime's character - especially by taking these scenes out and altering them compared to the manga - but when Ichigo begins to undergo the same process as Sora, it only makes sense that she's afraid.

Not because she's afraid of Ichigo but because what he can become.

And just like Sora said, "It would be [her] fault"

Also - this is to counter the whole "Ichigo and Orihime were never close/barely friends/just acquaintances" that I see floating around often too.

But all in all - Orihime was never afraid of Ichigo. She was afraid of what he could have become.

As Acidwire, Sora targeted Orihime because of her growing bonds with Tatsuki and Ichigo. He even says that he attacked them because they tried to tear him and Orihime apart and that she already knew why.

For clarity - what I'm about to say isn't me saying that Sora was abusive in life and I'm going to specifically try to use his name as a hollow "Acidwire" as much as possible to express the slight separation between Sora as he was while he was alive and Sora as he was when he became Acidwire.

Especially since early on, it established that hollows - while they were once former humans - often end up being twisted versions of the people they once were.

Now onto the point -

The "You already know why" isn't dissimilar from how abusers, manipulators, etc. often talk to their victims when they're angry or upset. It's similar to the silent treatment in a way where it implies that the victim intentionally made the abuser upset.

He references her prayers for him every day helped ease his own suffering before she became friends with Tatsuki and entered high school before she stopped praying for him altogether. He then says how it hurt him that when she got home, all she would talk about was Ichigo.

For one - the fact that Acidwire knows this proves that Ichigo and Orihime were at least already friends by the time the manga started. In contrast to the anime where Ichigo outright says to Rukia that they've "never had a real conversation"

Anyways - this here in and of itself proves Ichigo and Orihime at least knew each other beyond just acquaintances - because they were close enough for Acidwire to notice and be hurt by it.

She tries to defend herself but he cuts her off before attacking Ichigo again

Acidwire tells her to come with him back to when it was just the two of them. In the context of the story, this would basically be him killing her.

However, this is also a tactic abusers use known as isolation.

When she questions why she should go with him and why he'd hurt Ichigo and Tatsuki before saying that the brother she loved would have never done anything like this.

I feel like in the anime, it kinda breezed by these moments which are honestly heartbreaking in hindsight and key for the leadup to why Orihime was afraid when Ichigo would use his hollow mask.

but Acidwire's response to her refusal and saying that the brother she loved would never do this is to not just harm her, but blame her and say that he is going to kill her.

In the time that she's become friends with Ichigo and Tatsuki and slowly grew happier, Acidwire blamed her for his own despair and sadness.

The kind, loving older brother that she had always known became a monster that would kill her and everyone close to her, and it would be her fault that he did because she stopped praying for him.

Here, it shows how Acidwire views Orihime not as a person who should live her own fulfilling life, but as an object who should live for him because he gave up his entire life to raise and protect her.

Once again, not to say that Sora was an abuser or abusive person, but this line of logic is the same one that abusive and toxic parents often use when it comes to emotionally abusing their children. Saying how the sacrificed so much for their children to control how their children live their own lives when the child never asked to be born. Similarly, Orihime didn't ask to be born or ask for Sora to raise her.

Sora did because that's the kind of person that he is, but Acidwire turns these loving traits of Sora's into a manifestation of abuse.

And even though she has nothing to be sorry for... She apologizes to Acidwire because that's the kind of person she is.

It also shows how she puts on a smile so that way others don't have to worry about her. She didn't want Sora to think that she was sad and hurting, she didn't want him to worry about her so she buried and hid her own sadness.

She apologizes to Acidwire for making him sad and (in what she thinks are probably her last moments) says that she loves him and that she didn't mean to hurt him.

As he's slowly regaining himself, Sora admits that he already knew that Orihime was just trying to shield her sadness from him but still wanted her to pray for him because it was only in those moments that her heart was his.

Ichigo then tells him that it's the same, those who die and those who survive are just as sad as the other.

It's in this moment Sora had fully regained himself, enough to know that he couldn't stay in a form like this or else he'd come to hurt Orihime again. If he killed the little sister that he raised like a daughter over his own heartache, would he have been any better than their own abusive parents?

And finally, the two get to say goodbye properly.

Also - a side note - a lot of people criticize Orihime's passive nature and how she never seems to fight or argue with anyone but it's because the one time that she did have a fight with someone, they died and became a monster.

This entire sequence emphasizes why Orihime always tries to reach out to others in need and never argues or fights. She doesn't want her friends or even strangers, to become like how Sora became Acidwire.

Now, Rukia had changed/erased Orihime's memories following this event but it likely didn't work as intended since during the Rukia rescue arc, Orihime mentions that she's been able to see hollows and spirits ever since the encounter with Acidwire.

Now let's go ahead and jump ahead to VL Ichigo -

Going to Hueco Mundo - Ichigo already knew without having to be told or convinced by anyone that Orihime was in danger. Aizen did his best to make it look like Orihime was a traitor to the Soul Society and Ichigo never bought it

It's being put in plainer and plainer terms that Ichigo transformed as a response to Orihime's call for help.

Even if you want to argue that there was a mistranslation or that Ichigo doesn't directly reference Orihime, even if you remove all of the text the sequence of events goes

Orihime's cries

Ichigo began to move and get up - functionally coming back from being dead

Once again, even if you want to remove the text avoid arguing about whether or not it was properly translated - nevermind the fact that in Japanese pronouns are often omitted and there is a big assumption to just know who/what you are talking about -

Even without text, the images show Orihime crying, and Ichigo beginning to come back to life.

Both she and Ulquiorra question whether that is Ichigo

Now that said, I think that Ichigo vs Ulquiorra is one of the most brutal and best fights in the series. Both Uryu and Orihime know that this isn't Ichigo.

Yet remember how it is established that hollows often become twisted versions of the people they once were? This is a power that Ichigo can't control and yet uses it to protect the person who called out to him.

While I don't disagree with the notion that this is also White protecting Ichigo, it doesn't change the fact that Kubo intentionally drew Orihime and Ichigo rising side by side multiple times. Even without text, Kubo places emphasis on her and her cries for help against VL Ichigo - not White or Zangetsu.

And when Uryu tries to bring him back to his senses what does Ichigo do? Put a sword through him.

Once again, even if you want to remove any and all text, Kubo puts VL Ichigo paneled side by side with Orihime, and when Ichigo comes back to his senses

The first person that he sees is Orihime.

As much as I want, I'll save my yapping about Ulquiorra for a separate time.

But for a moment, even if only briefly, his desires to protect were twisted in a way that hurt those around him, and once again - Orihime was the catalyst.

Ichigo says that he didn't want to win like this - showing that he views fights as something more honorable than what White/VL Ichigo had done. His last memory being that he had a hole put in his chest, also shows that he more or less "blacked out" and had no control over his actions.

What is one of the things established when people become hollows?

That they lose control of themselves and their desires are twisted.

The difference between Ichigo and Acidwire is that Ichigo wants to protect Orihime while Acidwire wanted to own her - which is why Ichigo never directly harms Orihime even as he loses control of himself.

But - all of this yapping is to show how from Orihime's perspective, hollowfication and hollow powers aren't good. They turn people into monsters that hurt their friends and loved ones.

It's also established that Orihime is the type of person who will internalize her own thoughts and feelings (it isn't ""hubris"" as some people call it).

Whether or not you want to argue that it was an assumption that Ichigo became a VL because she cried for help, it doesn't change the fact that she still cried for help and that Ichigo became a hollow/VL.

From her own perspective, she blames herself regardless of whether or not you think that it is an assumption on her part that Ichigo became a VL to protect her.

And after all - why wouldn't she blame herself when her first encounter with a hollow - Acidwire - blamed her for the monster that he became?

I know I skipped over him using his mask in the fight with Grimmjow, but I already yap too much and wanted to try to keep an already long post short(er).

Anyway - all of this illustrates the trauma that Orihime has regarding hollows and hollowfication. It's not truly her fault - yet in both instances she blames herself.

And not just Kubo, but Ichigo himself is fully aware of this.

Which is why when he tells her not to worry and that he's still himself is so important - because it shows that Ichigo has learned to control that side of himself while at the same time, being aware that Orihime is someone who has been traumatized by hollows and hollowfication.

Ultimately - she doesn't want Ichigo to become a monster like Sora. For Ichigo, it's growth in his own ability while for Orihime it's comfort in knowing that Ichigo won't lose himself fighting to protect those he cares about.

In short, she isn't afraid of Ichigo - she was scared of him becoming a monster like Sora had.

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Fuck your boyfriend, he’s a bitch.

Barbie dolls: Mattheo riddle x fem! Reader

Word count: 3k-ish

Summary: your boyfriend Cormac is a piece of shit and Mattheo is tired of him totally most definitely not inspired by this sound

Warnings: Theo is called a spaghetti whore?, Cormac sucks, reader gets called a bitch, you’re friends with Pansy and she knows a lot of girls, Mattheo mentions sex, Cheating on Cormac’s side and then kinda cheating with reader bc theyre like flirtyish with Mattheo but its fineeeeeee, honestly Cormac’s kinda abusive, it gets kinda extra fanficy at the end but just consider it camp, reader punches Cormac :0, i think that’s it tbh

Your relationship with Cormac McLaggen had started as any relationship in Hogwarts did, a trip to Hogsmeade. You thought he was cute and he seemed sweet enough. So you continued to date him, much to your friends dismay. Draco complained about McLaggen's house. Blaise pointed out his habit of making obscene sexual comments to just about every girl who would breathe near him. Theo explained the time that he ran into McLaggen and Cormac called him a "spaghetti whore." Theo had a few choice words about Cormac, getting so heated he slipped entirely into Italian. You only picked up on a few words you remembered him teaching you in third year, none of which you would translate out loud. Pansy mentioned how he "sucked ass" at Quidditch. Lorenzo told you the filthiest rumors you've ever heard and truly wondered where he heard them. You were a little upset that all your friends disapproved of your new boyfriend. Mattheo had stayed silent the second Cormac's name slipped off your tongue. You turned to him, staring at him. Mattheo clicked his tongue. You didn't need him to say anything, rolling your eyes. You stood up, leaving the Slytherin common room all together.

After that your relationship was a touchy subject in your friend group. Often you'd all just ignore it entirely. When Cormac would interrupt, which was more frequent than you liked, everyone would fall silent and glare at him as he tugged you out of your seat. Though sometimes they would bring it up with you, every one of them always had some bad words to say about your boyfriend. Everyone, except Mattheo. He never spoke about it. Though that didn't mean Mattheo's point wasn't known. Often if Cormac's face was shown or even mentioned, all of a sudden Mattheo went silent. He was clenching his jaw, rolling his eyes, and clicking his tongue every two minutes. If he wasn't showing his hatred physically, Lorenzo or Theo would be reporting back to you. Theo always told you all the distasteful names Mattheo called Cormac. Lorenzo always told you the different ways Mattheo planned on torturing your boyfriend. No matter what he told the boys, Mattheo never said anything to you.

Until now.

You had planned on spending the weekend with your friends, whether that meant a sleepover, almost sacrificing Draco, or teaching Theo how to play charades. You thought it would be fine by Cormac because he never asked you out or made plans with you. You had a spectacular time with them. Just one hour with your friends and you were already feeling the stresses of your school week wash away. All of you laying in the courtyard grass as Draco ranted about his god awful experiences this week. Theo popping in his opinion every few minutes but the group was still filled with laughs and giggles. You were sat at the bottom of the tree you were all scattered around. It was peaceful and happy until you heard someone stopping towards you, the shuffling of a bulky Quidditch uniform. You peered around the tree to see Cormac storming towards you. Your friends noticed your sudden stiffness, looking to the source of the noise. You heard most of them groan.

"Not this bitch again." Blaise muttered.

"Stronzo" Theo whispered under his breath.

"I have got to get my father to hire an assassin." You rolled your eyes at Draco. You heard the muttering of Cormac approaching closer to you. He finally reached you, tapping you roughly on your shoulder. You looked up at him and smiled.

"Why hello, lovely boyfriend. Whatever can I do for you?" You wished your friends had chuckled or laughed but they all winced.

"Save it." Cormac grunted, pulling you up by your forearm. You quickly grabbed the strap to your bag, hauling it over your shoulder. Cormac noticed his glaring crowd of Slytherins. He leaned into your ear before angrily whispering to you.

"What happened to watching your Lovely boyfriend at Quidditch practice? Hm? 'Stead of watching me you're over here dicking around with your freak friends."

"Don't call them freaks."

"Shut up, do not interrupt me when I'm talking. You know my family has a saying? If a bitch doesn't know their place, beat them into it-" Cormac's grip on your arm tightened. You glanced down at his knuckles whitening.

"That's enough out of you Cormac." You looked up at Mattheo. This was truly the first time he said something disapproving of Cormac in front of you. Cormac rolled his eyes, tugging on your arm for you to follow him.

"Release their arm, you incomplete little dickhead." Pansy said, standing up next to Mattheo. You glanced around as all of your friends began to stand up. You suddenly felt like you were watching a children's movie and they were all going to break into song and dance. You wrenched your arm out of Cormac's grasp, stomping off to the Quidditch pitch. Cormac chasing after you and chiding you. You watched Cormac's practice, you cheered, and you ignored your friends for two days straight.

When you did return to them they didn't mention your boyfriend but they kept reminding you of how they supported you. Draco told you he'd hire a very good assassin for you if you gave him the word. No one mentioned Cormac's name but all of a sudden your friends were mentioning their deadliness. You told them you could handle yourself. You didn't need your friends to fight your battles. Sure Cormac said some odd things but it had been a particularly bad day for him. He treated you greatly but he just had a rough time and mishandled it that day. Pansy told you on your next birthday she was gifting you with Cormac's skull. Through all of their planned homicides, Mattheo stayed quiet.

At first you appreciated his silence because at least he wasn't telling you how he'd brutally murder your boyfriend. Now you were annoyed. You used to talk to him all the time, spending all your free time with him. Now Mattheo couldn't even look you in your eye when Cormac was mentioned. With more of Cormac’s appearances, the less Mattheo talked to you. Not only was he neglecting your friendship now he was neglecting to speak to you. You were starting to wish he'd tell you all the ways he'd decapatate Cormac just so he'd talk to you. So you hung out with your friends less. Their constant gorey talk and Mattheo's silence just made it difficult for you to sit through a conversation with them.

It'd been weeks since you last talked to them. You missed them but you had a feeling if you returned they'd make a stink about it. You saw them in the halls while Comarc walked you to wherever he wanted. Mattheo always grimaced at Cormac's hand on the back of your neck, dodging your eyes. Cormac seemed to trip suddenly when Pansy reached into her pocket. So you avoided them like the plague.

Weeks later, You placed your books back where you found them, humming to yourself. You had spent the whole day in the library. You sat in the window nook. Your stacks of read books growing taller around you. You didn't fully finish most of them but you skimmed them and that was enough for you. It felt nice to be alone and peaceful. No Cormac. No Mattheo. No drama. No Quidditch practice. No "oh come watch me arm wrestle Fred Weasley I'm going to beat him." And then lose nonsense. Just you, a peaceful room, and a good couple hundred of books.

"Hey baby, come here often?" And in comes Mattheo. You glanced behind yourself. He was leaning against a bookshelf, looking through the titles of your books.

"Oooh sorry handsome, I have a boyfriend. Awe." He smiled at you, happy to have you joking back with him. Mattheo rolled his eyes at you, remembering that you mentioned Cormac.

"Fuck your boyfriend. He's a bitch. You can do better." You sighed picking up more off your floating stack of books. You did not respond. Mattheo followed after you, taking a few books off the top himself.

"You know how at store if you buy something you can return it and swap it out for a new one? You can do that with your funk ass boyfriend too."

"Mm hm yeah, whatever you say Matty." You flicked your wand. Your books flying off the stack back towards their home. Mattheo held his stack out towards you. You snatched the books out of his hands, sending them back to their original spot.

"Come on, baby. We miss you. Not your skank ass boyfriend but that's besides the point. Come on are you really going to cut your friends out because your boyfriend is all "be my slave, suck my dick, make me dinner my tummy's rumbling"?" Mattheo stuck his arms out and wobbled like a zombie as he mocked Cormac. You deadpanned at him.

"Yes. That is exactly how my partner treats me." You said laced with severe sarcasm. Mattheo pointed at you.

"See. I'm glad you've realized that. But seriously, there's no way he treats you well. His middle name is Cornelius." You glared at Mattheo as you finished putting back your last book. You stifled your laugh and schooled your features. Mattheo caught it though, his grin growing.

"I mean does he even listen to the Smiths thinking of you?"

"Which one? Girlfriend in a Coma?" Mattheo’s face fell as he glared at you. Not the same one he sent to Cormac, this one was softer around the edges.

"Ha. Ha. Baby, come on. Does he even fantasize about your future together? Does he even get sick to his stomach thinking of how much he cares for you? Does he ever just look at you? To watch how pretty you are? Or does he just look at you when you can give him something?" You thought for a moment. You started to realize how little Cormac actually did for you. You covered up your concerns with a bright smile.

"Don't you have friends? Or do you only bother poor defenseless people in the library?" Mattheo rolled his eyes. He leaned against the table behind him.

"Mm hm. Listen baby, you can call me if you need anything. To beat up your-"

"Just say boyfriend"

"Punk ass boyfriend, if you feel lonely, if you need to get rid of a body, if McLaggen can't figure out how to make you cum and you need a very enthusiastic dildo, if you want arsenic to kill McLaggen, whatever I'm here for you." Mattheo gently grabbed your wrist and tugged you closer to him. He rubbed your back as he stared up at you with puppy eyes.

“If he hears you talking like that I think he’ll have your head.” You whispered to him. Mattheo shrugged. You intertwined your fingers behind Mattheo’s head. His fingers gently tracing shapes on your back. Cormac was never gentle. He always tapped you a little too hard, pulled you roughly, yanked on your clothes until you heard stitches pop. Mattheo would take his time with you while Cormac would always try to get something out of you the fastest. He always felt like he was racing against his own personal best to see how fast he could ruin your day. Mattheo tilted his head gaining your attention again.

“Could not care less about that little-“ you pressed your finger to his lips. Mattheo closed his mouth.

“I have to go.”

“To him?” You rolled your eyes at Mattheo.

“Yes I have to go, I have a date with my boyfriend.” Mattheo nodded. Just as you were about to pass him entirely, he reached out and caught your wrist.

“If he says anything to you, I mean anything. Friendly reminder; I keep my wand with me and I’m fully ready to Avada McLaggen.” It felt strange with him saying such terrible things while staring at you with such warm eyes.

“I love it when you talk dirty.” You whispered. Mattheo groaned and released your hand. He stood up from his seat on the table and disappeared behind the bookshelves. You smiled as you left to Library off to your date.

You truly tried to ignore Mattheo’s words. It’s like when you walk into someone’s home and all you smell is dog but they can’t smell anything. You become so accustomed to the smell you don’t even recognize it. Well Cormac’s shameful behavior was the dog smell and Mattheo was pointing it out. All of a sudden you started noticing things. You saw how anytime you decided to do something on your own he’d get upset. Asking if you were going to go see your “freaky Slytherin friends”. He never looked at you unless he was thinking about undressing you. You always felt cold under his eyes like you were vulnerable. Mattheo was right, McLaggen sucked. So you decided that was it. Only problem was figuring out how to end it.

You sent Pansy a long winded letter, apologizing to her and the boys, begging, crying, and plotting your breakup. You watched her as she stared at the letter on her plate from Cormac’s side. Cormac was squeezing your shoulder, always a little too hard. As Pansy started reading while pushing the nosey boys away, a smile grew. When she finished the letter she glanced over at you. Pansy grinned at you as hid your smile with McLaggen’s cloak. Pansy denied showing the boys her private letter, stuffing it into her pocket. She met you where you told her to in your letter and you both spent the night plotting. Pansy knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, who knew a girl, and that girl knew McLaggen. According to Pansy’s informants McLaggen has a crush on some Ravenclaw. Luckily Pansy also knew this girl. Pansy seemed to know a lot of girls. Pansy talked to this Ravenclaw and this Ravenclaw happened to be what Pansy would call a “girls girl.”

Here’s the plan: Ravenclaw Girl will wear her best dress. You will convince Cormac to go to this party. You’ll ask him to go get you a drink. At the drink station, Ravenclaw Girl will flirt with Cormac. He’s utter garbage so of course he’ll reciprocate. Ravenclaw Girl will ask him to follow her up to her room. You’ll wait a couple minutes and all of a sudden oh no where ever has your boyfriend gone best go look for him and now you’ve walked in on your unfaithful lover. Stage a scene in front of everyone, he probably calls you a couple bad names, you breakup and you’re back in business. You’ll be back with your freaky slytherin friends, flirting with Mattheo as friends of course, and calling Cormac every atrocious name in the book.

So the night of the party you dress in the best outfit you knew Cormac wouldn’t fuss about. It was going to be a great terrible night. You hadn’t felt this much excitement since before your god awful relationship started. Cormac complained about the stairs as you both made your way to the party. The music was too loud, the lights were too bright, the people stank too much, but nothing could bring you down. You were beaming even though you spent the first hour sitting on a blue velvet couch tucked under Cormac’s arm. Finally, you pointed out to Cormac you were a little thirsty. He groaned and stood up, moving to the drinks. You watched him from across the room. A beautiful girl with braids that turned blue at the ends approached him.

You understood Cormac’s attraction, she was stunning. Her hair reached just past the small of her back. She had dramatic, sweeping, bright blue winged eyeliner and a blue dress that swayed with her movements. It stopped at her mid thigh, trimmed with black lace. You would cheat on Cormac with her any day. You smothered your grin as you saw her gently tug him up the stairs of the girls dormitroys.

You waited a few minutes. You caught Pansy’s eyes across the room. She gave you a sinful grin and mimicked it. You looked around you. “Searching” for your faithful boyfriend.

“Oh boyfriend, where have you gone? Boyfriend where ever did you go? Oh no I can’t seem to find my lovely boyfriend, Cormac. Best go check the dorms.” You whispered to yourself. You stood and slowly made your way upstairs. You wanted to give Cormac plenty of time to get comfortable with Ravenclaw Girl. You flung open the door Ravenclaw Girl had marked with her necklace around the handle. Cormac had his tongue down her throat his hands squeezing her thighs. You gasped loudly.

“Oh. My. God.” The girl pulled back and gasped just as you did. She covered her mouth with her hands. Cormac spun around and his face fell when he looked at you. He tried to explain this away but all his excuses sounded like an extravagant way to say I tripped and fell I didn’t mean to. You let him have it. You screamed at him. You pulled out the waterworks. You stormed away from him. He followed you still trying to explain this whole situation away. The girl followed after him wanting to see this up close and personal. You spun around when you reached the middle of the stairs, visible to everyone. You called him every name in the book.

“You lying, cheating, filthy, disgusting, revolting, bastard.” You raised an octave with each insult. You saw the people around you turn to look out of the corner of your eye. Cormac tried to get a word in but you cut him off . You spilled everything how he had you working, spending all your time taking care of him and he couldn’t even have the decency to be faithful. Pansy joined you at your side, rubbing your back and glaring at Cormac. You kept yelling and scolding halfway through you noticed most of the crowd had gathered around. You kept shouting and when you finally let everything out you stared at Cormac as you caught your breath. He opened his mouth the second you closed yours. Cormac called you every degrading name he could think of. It didn’t bother you, he said them all before. Then he said it, he crossed the line.

“You hate yourself so much instead of being with a high value male like myself you’d rather fuck the disgusting freak that is Voldemort’s child” You felt your blood boil. You were going to kill Cormac McLaggen. Just not today, maybe tomorrow. You swung and hit him in the nose. Cormac’s head shot back as he quickly gripped his nose. The crowd oooed. Pansy gasped and let out an excited squeal. You heard your friends cheering.

“That’s my fucking girl.” You rolled your eyes at Mattheo’s yells and turned towards Pansy.

“Ready to go?” She nodded. As you turned to walk away Cormac spoke up from his place leaning on the stairs banister.

“I’ll gut you like a fish, and keep your-“ Mattheo’s drink flew at McLaggen’s face, drenching him.

“God just shut your mouth already.” Mattheo added, joining you at your side. The rest of the boys followed after you each stopping by McLaggen to toss in an insult. Blaise had to drag Theo away. Apparently that spaghetti whore comment still made his blood boil. Even the Ravenclaw Girl tossed in one, following after your group.

“You’re really hot when you punched your boyfriend in the face.” Mattheo whispered next to your ear as you all pushed through the crowd.

“Ex-boyfriend. And trust me I know.” You patted Mathheo’s cheek.

[matchadobo]

hi idk if this is an odd request but could you write a shanks x reader where she uses her safeword bc she’s starting to feel bad and he how he comforts her after <3 tysm 🫶

SHANKS; safeword

wc: 834

warning/s: nsfw 🔞, p0rnp0rnp0rn, fluff in the end, afab reader, wrote this in one sitting whabshabah

you tried clawing at his chest as a sign to tell him to stop, but it seemed as if he took it as a compliment. your cunt felt so numb. you already came and you lost track how many times. shanks loves overstimulating you, that hazy look of lust in your eyes gets him going even more. but you love it too of course, it’s just that, it’s different now. he looks too feral, too hungry, too scary.

“what’s got you so quiet, princess? don’t give up on me now, yeah? you’re taking all of me so well.” he tucked a hair that was starting to stick on your forehead. “already tired, eh?” a smirk made its way to his lips, he loved what he saw. flushed face, parted, drooling lips, and the half-lidded look of sex in your eyes.

the view of him slowly losing himself by the warmth of your folds. it feels so sticky and wet and his cock was throbbing at the clench of your sopping crevice. he loved how red and used your core looked. he’d throw his head back and slick back his sweaty hair, brutally pounding into you. each thrust hitting your cervix that it started choking you.

“t-too much…” you meekly let out, but it was unintelligible to him. he was too lost in the ecstasy of you. your lower half was aching by the minute, like it was going to bleed because of his pace and size.

“s-shanks too much…!” you tried a little louder this time. you couldn’t bellow it out clearly though, your stomach was so heavy. yet he still couldn’t hear it. soon enough, tears formed in your eyes, precariously cascading down your cheeks.

“roses.”

it only took the wetness of your cheeks and the weak sobs of the safeword for the emperor to stop. that flower that filled the fields on where he met you made him remember how delicate you are and how you should be treated. he stiffened up immediately, taking his hand off your throat. his hand immediately clutched your cheek, thumbs wiping off the tears. “oh fuck- baby, sweetheart i’m so sorry.” he pulled you up into his embracd, the look in his eyes much kinder this time. your voice sobering him up instantly. “d-did i squeeze your throat too much? did i bite too hard? t-tell me.”

“are you- where does it hurt?” he pulled away, searching for any noticeable sign of hurt on your body and eyes. he was still in you though, he figured it’d hurt more if he pulled out right away.

“just my cunt that you abused.” you sarcastically remarked, laughing meekly through teary eyes.

“jesus, i’m so sorry. i was- i'm fucking stupid. you just felt so good, and i’m so tired, and i needed you. i’m just- sorry i went too far, darling.” he panicked. suddenly, the big, scary emperor was now pouting before you. “y-yeah, let’s stop here.” he lied you down, slowly pulling out while carefully watching if your face contorted in any pain.

aaand the goofy shanks you fell in love to was now back, not that cunt hungry motherfucker earlier (but that works too, sometimes 😝). he soon ran a cold bath for you, cleaning you up. he distracted you with his funny stories, reveling on how you smile and how your cries fade away.

he’d usually take you out by the deck, let you clung on his arm to help you walk. you two’d settle by the edge of the ship, he’ll grab a pillow for you to sit on while your feet hang loosely above the flowing current, and he’d have a protective arm around your waist. the comforting blues and the salty air would relax the both of you, he’d place his chin on your shoulders and revel in your fragrant body wash and natural scent.

“i’m really sorry, love.” he mumbled, bashfully looking down. “have i really not hurt you?” the look of pure concern in his ruby eyes made you remember why you fell in love with him again.

“just a little but, that’s why we have a safe word, right? i understand, love. don’t worry about it.” you tuck a hair hanging by the side of his face on his ear.

“i-i’ll take you to hongo later.”

you couldn’t help but play it off with a nod as your fingers softly brush by his scarred cheek. during the visit with hongo, shanks had his head hung low with his hand behind him sheepishly when hongo confirmed that you were just overfucked and you were totally fine.

so i got sick again fml buuuut to the person who requested this, i aM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG LMFAO 🥺 like i said, i don't want to release shit half-baked and tonight was the only night i felt the mood with this man 😏 sooo i hope this makes you happy 😩 even tho it's so short!!

[odetojupiter]

this is a surprise to no one but i’m thinking of the twins again. cause i don’t know whether we’re told when tilda developed her drug addiction but considering her erratic behaviour surrounding the twins birth im assuming she was already using prior to the twins arrival. and if she was using before, during, and after giving birth, that introduces so many heartbreaking possibilities for the twins.

this one ran away from me (they say, as tho they don’t always)

i see people saying they just couldn’t take andrew or aaron seriously because they’re five foot even cause that’s a funny height apparently and i just think: did u know a long term impact of prenatal drug use is impaired growth? add that to potential malnutrition and yeah suddenly it’s not that funny anymore. besides andrew being short probably made him seem like an easy target to his abusers which is what made it necessary for him to learn to defend himself in the first place sooo

other impacts of prenatal drug use: altered brain development, cognitive and behavioural issues, damaged communication/language development, newborns can be born addicted and subsequently go through withdrawals (called neonatal abstinence syndrome, which has a long list of symptoms and can cause newborns to be hospitalised or worse). in any context, this is a horribly traumatic thing for a baby to go through but then consider this:

andrew’s brain is already struggling to develop properly thanks to his mother’s drug abuse. and then you add on frequent repetitive abuse including but not limited to several occurrences of child sa. already a 7 year old brain is not wired to be able to cope with that. tie that in with his significant abandonment issues stemming from first his mother and then every subsequent family he stays with giving him up. his own narrative tries so hard to doom him, and he responds to that the only way he can: through anger. violence. how else was he supposed to respond? yes this is more andrew defence bc it seems there’s been a sudden influx of andrew hate and it boils my piss

that brings me to a new point: andrew as a newborn. and his foster family does not want to give him the extra attention he needs as a baby born through prenatal drug use. so they give him up. again and again. so

but to talk about aaron for a sec - not only could he have been born addicted, but being breastfed by a drug user (it’s up in arms whether tilda would breast feed) also has its symptoms - can make the baby sick, can ruin its sleep, cause later behavioural issues and even transfer the drug to the baby. aaron, living with tilda, was also doomed to follow the narrative.

[ellecdc]

L 😭 im a mess i cant stop listening to this song [https://youtu.be/4ELTaMB41OQ?si=7PCNCUQenoJsLQNC] and the only thing in my head is Regulus playing piano w reader 😭😭😭 like i imagine ofc the black parents forcing their children to learn art and music and french shit and playing piano stuck with Reggie bc it helps him kind of turn his mind off for a bit and just let his fingers do their thing 😭 then reader comes along not knowing how to but always loving to listen to reg play 🧍‍♀️ good bye

🩷

omg aweeee yes I see this - I totally see Reg as an artsy guy, both with instruments, painting/sketching, and maybe poetry (tortured souls, right?) this was so cute - and the song too! I've never heard it before so thanks for sharing!

Regulus Black x GN!reader CW: mentions of past family/parental abuse, sibling relationships

You weren't at all surprised to find him here. He'd gone quiet at dinner and excused himself as early as politely possible.

You leaned against the doorframe as Regulus' fingers skirted across the keys of the grand piano in the living room, murmuring soft lyrics you couldn't make out from this distance. The chance of the song being a cover or an original equally as likely.

Dinner's with his brother could sometimes be hard for Regulus - both parties feeling different levels of guilt over their respective treatment of the other. Living in a house with abusive parents meant you either adapted, or you died. Sometimes the boys would stick together - power in numbers and a sense of camaraderie. And sometimes, life was a little bit easier for you if it was your brother who was the object of your parents' attention.

That kind of environment didn't exactly support or foster a healthy sibling relationship.

It only grew worse after Sirius ran away.

All this to say - though the boys have done a lot of work on their relationship and reconciliation, sometimes memories were brought up in conversation that neither boy has had the chance to process fully, and they had to deal with that as it came.

Which brings you back to the living room after having cleared the table, washing the dishes and putting the left overs away.

You were friends with Sirius too - and you couldn't help but chuckle at how different the two boys ended up.

For example, you knew Sirius would rather sit naked on a hot grill than return to the seat of a piano; you supposed having your hands smacked with a ruler until the bled for messing up your scales could do that to a person. But somehow, Regulus seemed to find peace in the thoughtlessness of letting his fingers find their notes along the instrument he knew inside and out; the quiet of his mind gave him the chance to process his feelings.

You decided to stop being a creep from the edge of the room and join Reg quietly on the piano bench. He must have known you were there, because he never faltered or surprised at your appearance.

"Sorry I left." He murmured quietly. "I'll clean up later, I promise."

You leaned your head on his shoulder as you watched his fingers work, shaking your head. "I've already done the washing, don't worry about it."

He made a tsking sound as he leaned his head atop yours. "I didn't mean to leave that up to you, mon chéri."

"I was happy to do it."

"I'll make it up to you, hm? What would you like?" He offered as he kissed your head, the keys and their notes never faltering under his hands.

"Play me a song."

And he did.

[mangalho]

I made this dude to relax bc i read the info on drows on the dnd wiki (i dont know shit abt dnd and im not joking) and thought ‘whoever made these guys is a pervert’ i respect that, but i closed my eyes at the stupider bits of the lore…

i just dont think their society is like. Livable HAHAAH also its stupid asf to have ‘inherently evil species’… apparently they’re steering away from that shit which is great.

He was a man from a non-noble house chosen by a matron of a high house and they were surprisingly happy together for drow standards. Malaggar comes from like a mining/trading settlement, but his ventures took him to Menzoberranzan and thats how he met her. She was smitten by his general honesto demeanor and cute "provincial" accent (okay big City bitch..!)

please note that drows are kind of insane in general but apparently its worse in highly populated noble ridden cities with the strictest social rules so like. To you this was just some guy but to that woman he was so different so quirky ajahjahah

They had a good run, but eventually another matron from another high house came and said ‘i want him’ and since drow women compete like wild animals she killed his OG wife.. demolished her really

He became her bitch AND was miserable. She was happy bc he was like a pretty young thing but soon started getting violent with the guy because he was grieving his first wife whom he actually liked. He was in a rough spot bc he was getting his ass beat on the daily fr.. However his new wife was also a high drow so. He was basically elevating his family just bc he was there taking the domestic abuse (read: normal spider-worshipping drow behaviour)

The new matron was very unkind in every possible way you can imagine, but she didn’t do anything to him that would scar his body, greatest asset and all that. One day he snapped and killed his matron by way of knife and ran away to the surface world. Then he started his life of crime. Went from a little abused noble boy to some cartel mercenary dude who kills ppl and has tattoos. I think they look both really dumb but also sick as fuck, and he probably got them as a way to rebel against his upbringing in a way. But he’s edgy so i bet he thinks he looks sick like no nations no borders no self awareness being embarrassing unites all peoples

he is traumatized by women and is deeply afraid of them! I want his story to develop around becoming more normal and overcoming his grief.. hes from a long lived species so its taking him a while. Also its harder to make real friends if all your coworkers are insane criminals

[knight-says-nanana]

An analysis on Ed’s comic childhood, how that impacted his OCD*, and how that translated to the Gotham TV show

Alternatively: GTV Ed’s Biography

*(and also how it very clearly gave him cptsd but they don’t explicitly Say that bc DC is full of cowards)

Normally I’d say comics don’t impact tv continuity, especially for a show like Gotham where so many things are changed, but the thing is? Cory Michael Smith specifically went out of his way to read the riddler comics when he accepted the role of Ed Nygma. He acted accordingly and did an amazing job trying to salvage the show’s poor writing. There are many tiny moments where he does things that reference Ed’s typical backstory despite the show, in all its 5 seasons, never bringing it up

Childhood wise there are typically two widely accepted routes

1 - his mom was around but neglectful and off her head with drugs n alcohol

2 - his mom left when he was a toddler due to not being able to handle his father anymore, which kinda kickstarted the abuse being focused onto Ed instead

I will be continuing this analysis with #2 because it is the most popular and explains his abandonment issues

Comic Based Childhood

So this guy basically grew up with Only his father. His father who is a dumbass, an alcoholic, blames Ed for his mother leaving, incredibly abusive physically, and couldn’t accept that 1) his kid is smarter than him or that 2) a kid so Weird cough traumatized and neurodivergent cough is anything but an idiot

A major sticking point was that he always thought Ed was lying, constantly, about everything. This will be important later.

And when Ed finally started going to school and getting A’s?? Yeah no Obviously he had to have been cheating so Mr Nashton just got More angry with him. Could Ed have dropped his grades on purpose to avoid this? Yeah. Did he? Absolutely not. Academic success was the one thing he could be proud of and the only thing that gave him any sort of praise or validation. He was clinging to it for dear life.

No matter the universe, this is a guy who craves attention.

There is difference between academic success and school life itself, because Ed is awkward n dorky n, especially at this point in time, anxious n quiet. So he didn’t have friends. In fact it’s usually written as either him having been bullied or being ignored entirely

The boy was not doing ok at all. So understandably he ran away as soon as possible and changed his name.

Now, this is the first point where Gotham’s canon ties into this in a Very interesting way

We know Ed’s official birth year from the ID card in the show. It’s canon. In season one he is 26. We know this. And it’s is insane for a few reasons!!

He is So Much Younger than his coworkers holy shit

Bullock is old enough to be his dad and he’s not nice, no wonder Ed doesn’t like him

He works in forensics. At 26. And he’s implied to have been working there a year or two before Jim joined the precinct.

Now, I had GENUINELY assumed that he was in his 30s like Jim. BECAUSE HE WORKS IN FORENSICS. But no he’s just actually a botched Spencer Reid because he’s 26 in season one.

A degree in forensic science takes 4 years.

If you want a masters it’s an extra 2 years.

Factoring in the time he would’ve needed to spend interning and working just to QUALIFY for a job at the GCPD???

If we assume he ran away n got into college at age 17 and got his bachelor's he’d be 21 by the time he graduated, 23 if he got his masters which of course he would, and then that leaves us only 3 or 1 year/s for internships and stuff before he joins the GCPD. What. What.

No wonder his apartment is so shitty!!! This is a man with hella student loans

But yeah! Hes only 26 and his 40 year old coworkers are bulling him for being weird. I’d hate my job too.

Bullock is 48 and I’m fully convinced he, like me, thinks Ed is at least 32 (Jim’s age) because. What.

So yeah that’s his general backstory, NOW the ways that plays into his mental state and how his actor managed to fit it into the show

So, you can reasonably assume he’s traumatized.

And!? There are so many subtle moments in the show where Cory acts his character accordingly for this. He flinches when people raise their voice, he’s visibly spooked when men in the GCPD get huffy (usually it’s Mr James Anger Issues Gordon). He’s skittish as a mouse. In the watermelon scene, when Gordon busts into the room, Ed immediately falls over himself to explain what he’s doing in there. The guy was terrified. Of James. Who’s never done a thing to him.

Beyond that? CPTSD -beyond the regular symptoms of flashbacks, triggers, and hyper awareness- also includes difficulty regulating emotions, feelings of shame/guilt, and trouble staying in relationships.

Ed Nygma is a damn textbook case. He has meltdowns, he falls into substances, he does ANYTHING but cope when he’s overwhelmed. He is constantly trying to prove he’s smart, there’s a gut deep shame when he doesn’t hold up to genius standards. And you’ve seen his relationships.

Basic info ab OCD: it’s an anxiety disorder and the two main things are obsessive compulsions and intrusive thoughts, both of which are present in Gotham but not handled nearly as well as they are in the comics

Compulsions first!

These tend to stem from subconscious thoughts and people won’t always know Why they have a compulsion but they’re generally a way of preventing a vague yet all consuming Bad Thing.

Now, with Ed one of his major sticking points in comics AND the show is he cannot tell blatant lies, especially not with yes/no answers.

This is part of why he compulsively leaves clues for absolutely everything and tries to be so vague when he is lying. He also jumps through hoops so that he won’t need to lie.

Lying = incredible all consuming dread and anxiety, so he just Doesn’t and uses his little hints and clues as a loophole. Very obviously from his father’s influence.

In the show this is shown multiple times but just for a few:

Lucious asking if Jim is at Ed’s house and when Ed tries to say no he seems almost forced to correct himself

The compulsive clue in “Tom’s” note, even when no one had asked him if he knew anything he still couldn’t keep it entirely to himself. The note is a loophole. Technically he told on himself. They just didn’t figure it out. (Well. Kristen kinda did but denying it aka lying sent him into an anxiety attack the moment she left. So.)

When Sofia Falcone was torturing him to find out where Oswald was, he told her. He just told her via a riddler he knew she didn’t understand! No need to lie!

In the car ride to the docks Oswald also calls him out directly by saying he’s so predictable because he’s driven by obsessive compulsion. This is the most the show acknowledges it.

Beyond his compulsions he’s got explicit intrusive thoughts regarding a few big things. (Should be noted that these tend to drive compulsions but not always.)

being viewed as stupid

Ergo his criminal history just being a big show to prove how smart he is. Again, his fathers influence.

being actually stupid

Not knowing things stresses him out So Bad and he takes it So Personally. He NEEDS to know everything. The world is a puzzle and he is Going to solve it.

Side note: That’s why I do LOVE that Gotham made him a forensics specialist!! He’s always had, to quote a DC podcast where he’s talking to Batgirl “-and you have that terrible all consuming pathology which comples you to find answers” “AnD i HaVe tHaT tErRiBlE aLL cOnsUmiNG PaThOLoGy wHiCh coMpELs mE tO FiNd AnSwErS- Yes.”

Biggest for last: being like his dad

This one is specifically fun because it was almost represented so well. ALMOST. His entire relationship with Kristen was downright molded by it, as shown in the file room anxiety attack. Yes that’s what I’m going to call it.

He is constantly fretting over being like Tom, even when he clearly isn’t because he is disgusted by Tom. No mysoginist is going to see someone with the same thoughts as gross. No guy who thinks women should be “put in their place” is going to have such a physical reaction to hearing that be said. No abusive pos is going to have that reaction at all. At least, not in the way that situation went down or in the way Ed’s afraid of being. We aren’t discussing emotional harm or Nygmobblepot today. But he frets anyway. And if we chose to interpret his riddler hallucination as a Really poor way of representing intrusive thoughts? Yeah. Yeah. His brain is making him panic about doing exactly what he hates so much.

*it should be noted that compulsions are often reinforced by intrusive thoughts. specific example: if he lies he will be saying something wrong, he can not be wrong, everyone is going to think he’s an idiot if he’s wrong. You can see how the two things connect. This applies to the majority of compilations in some way.

Now, a moment where I deviate from discussing what Did happened because I’ll forever mourn this particular writing fuck up:

His thing with Kristen could’ve been perfect. It could’ve been the best live action riddler origin to date. Because this is a guy with OCD who’s very traumatized and would have a strong personal reaction to finding out a friend is facing domestic abuse. That would make his relationships complicated too because of the thought loop it would create off the risk of “turning out to be the type of person he hates” or “what if I hurt her like I was hurt.” That would have been so compelling? AND? AND YKNOW WHAT? MY BIGGEST GRIPE? HIS FIRST PUSH INTO VIOLENT CRIME BEING STABBING AN ABUSER WOULD BE PERFECT. It would be on point. Exceptional foray into crime and murder. BUT THEY DIDNT PLAY IT LIKE THAT. No instead it’s highly tainted by “who gets the girl” and I just. N o. Ugh. They fumbled it!! They fumbled it So Hard. THEY MAKE HIM CREEPY AS FUCK TOWARDS KRISTEN. Like- physically blocking her into small spaces and imposing on her and talking over her when, if they HAD actually leaned into the OCD on purpose, he would probably be hyper aware of not doing.

[trickstarbrave]

i still really hate ppl saying vivec is a liar or a historical revisionist bc the 36 sermons aren't 100% factual historical accounts. its extremely obvious they are not supposed to be. they are not called "the life of the god vivec" they are SERMONS. they are meant to teach religious and moral lessons, not give you an accurate, objectively correct, factual account of real historical events. his parents are not named. he was an 'egg' in the womb and then when he was 'born' he was a fully grown being. its cloaked in poetic language because what you are supposed to take from them is not a historical lesson but a religious or spiritual one.

like. lets say you wanna communicate how a traumatic event has impacted you. and that you have only two options to do so: one that is as factually accurate as you can make it with a limited perspective told unbiasedly, or a creative project like a poem or novel that is designed to evoke an emotional reaction in the reader. the first one will give an accurate account of the event but not how it impacted you. by nature of how its being told you are giving only the cold hard facts because your emotional state might involve leaving out important factual details to get an accurate view of what happened. the other one is not telling someone exactly what happened to you, but is communicating something that might be much more important: how it impacting you emotionally, mentally, and physically by making your audience relate to, sympathize with, or even empathize with those feelings. it is also not a 100% factual historical account and cannot be used to paint an accurate picture of the events that effected you, though someone could infer many details.

the 36 sermons are about trauma and achieving divinity and what that divinity even means. vivec is a person who was deeply traumatized. abusive family, ran away, ended up joining a gang selling both his body and hard drugs. he was then picked up off the streets by nerevar (a mer significantly older than him), and learned a lot from him, before likely killing him in at least one timeline, breaking his oath to not use the tools in all others. those are the details about vivec's life we can infer from the sermons or from other lore texts or in game dialogue. there are reasons why he made nerevar HIS student in the sermons and why he never names his parents (at least in the in game ones) and why he describes seht and ayem as both his siblings and parents simultaneously. but if you go "this isn't factually correct, vivec is a liar" you are straight up not going to understand the sermons or vivec or take away any important lessons from them.

[annaliseblr]

can shows stop redeeming shitty parents? i thought brooklyn nine-nine finally changed this when i saw captain peralta, where they ended the ep with jake confronting his father, but then they brought him back next season and gave him a really random redemption arc. then rosa's homophobic parents got redeemed, which didn't annoy me as much bc her dad at least properly apologised to her, and her mom definitely put a lot of work into fixing things - they changed, jake's parents didn't.

9-1-1 is by far the worst offender of this i've ever seen. buck and maddie's parents emotionally abused and neglected them their whole lives, to the point where maddie was essentially raising buck on her own at the age of nine and buck only ever got attention when he was injured, maddie didn't leave her abusive husband in part because her mother would just say, 'i told you so,' and buck became the human embodiment of passive suicidality. then they just?? forgave them?? in one episode?? then chimney's shitty dad came back, and he made amends with him bc his daughter 'needed a good relationship with her grandparents.' eddie's dad was never around and the only things he did that involved eddie were yelling at him for trying to help his mother when she was in labor and declaring him the 'man of the house' at age 10. also, both his parents hated his wife, treated his son like an infant, and tried to get custody of said son. but he forgave his father and practically never addressed anything his mother did.

how to get away with murder thankfully never redeemed jorge castillo, which i approve of, but then connor's dad, who literally said he knew connor, and he knew oliver wasn't right for him (which is absolutely insane to say when you ran out on your son when he was 12) [he still could have been part of connor's life while being with ted!!]. and it basically just ignored that connor's mom let him, a teenager, have sex with a man in his twenties. because letting your son get raped is fine, i guess. and then annalise's dad, who didn't believe her when she was raped by her uncle, came back into her life. yay.

and then there's community. what annoys me is that they let jeff and pierce's dads be thrown into unforgivable territory (which i approve of, honestly - they sucked and advanced gay and cooperative escapism in familial relations are two of my favorite episodes), but britta's parents deserved forgiveness and britta was somehow in to wrong when she was molested and her dad took the guy's side??? she had to forgive her parents? that was just unfair and blatantly hypocritical.

stop redeeming horrible parents, please.

[celiamae99]

JJ Maybank x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, talk about anxiety, depression, and mental illness, talk about self harm, almost self harming, physical and mental abuse, mature themes

Mature readers ONLY. 18+. I will check profiles periodically and will block minors bc this post is MA!

John B was mad. He was mad at JJ and he was mad at you. When he agreed to his baby sister (by 2 minutes) dating his person, he never thought it would result in fights this alarming. Sarah stood next to him, your best friend. Your person. While Sarah was yours, JJ was his. And it was awful to watch their favorite people be in this much pain. They were watching the fight like a tennis match.

“Would you just admit that you have a hero complex and the need to save everybody?” You screamed at him. They were standing in the kitchen, arguing again about JJ taking the bike and being reckless again.

“I’m trying to save you! And John B! And Kie, Sarah, Pope. Don’t you get that?” JJ screamed back at you. “And if that means getting hurt, or even killed, I’ll do that! I’ll do that for you guys because I love you.”

Tears streamed out of your eyes, running fast down your cheeks. “But what about me?” You demanded. “What do I do when you get wrapped up in something that so messed up that you can’t come back from it? That John B and I can’t fix for you. What if you do? What do I do then?” You yelled at him.

JJ and John B stared at you as you screamed. “Huh?” You screamed after a minute. “Answer me!” You screamed, shoving JJ back. JJ, mind going quickly into fight or flight mode, shoved your hands away, causing your wrist to twist and crack. John B quickly stepped in between you guys, preventing anything from happening further.

“Don’t do this guys!” John B yelled at you both, eyes ablaze.

You froze for two seconds. You shoved JJ. You’re sweet JJ, who loved you so much he was willing to sacrifice himself so that you would be okay. The JJ who’s dad was a dick to him, beat the crap out of him every chance he got; verbally abused him because he did have anybody else to take his crap out on. You shoved him. Instinctively you pulled your wrist to your chest.

“I - I -” You stumbled over your words. Trying to find the right ones to apologize, but JJ ran out the back door of the house before you could say anything.

“I have to go after him, make sure that he doesn’t -”

You nodded. Sarah coming up next to you as you fell into her arms sobbing as you tried to wrap your mind around what had happened.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

You spent the whole day in your room. Once you stopped sobbing, Sarah took you to your room and you climbed into your bed, holding the stuffed animal JJ had won for you when you were 10 and staring at the wall. Sarah didn’t try to talk to you, she just sat with you until John B got back. You heard mumblings of their conversation but didn’t try to understand what you couldn’t hear. Your mind was reeling.

Sarah made you eat a banana and drink water. She said the potassium would be needed and that you couldn’t get dehydrated.

Later that evening, John B came into your room and sat down on your bed. “We’re having a fire tonight, just our people. Kie, Sarah, Pope, me.” He didn’t say JJ. “JJ’s at work, said he has a car to fix up, he’ll probably show up late.” He continued on. “You need to get out of this room.” He deadpanned. “I’ll carry you out if I have to.”

You knew he was right. So after five minutes, you got out of bed, threw your hair in a very messy bun and an old maroon sweatshirt of JJ’s and grey sweatpants.

You walked into the living room and saw Sarah talking quietly with John B. When you entered room, they quickly turned their conversation to you.

“You look like shit,” she told you, scanning you from head to toe.

You rolled your eyes. “She definitely knows how to charm you, Big Bear.”

“She sure does.” You had been calling John B Big Bear for your whole life, and he in return called you Baby Bear.

“You need tequila,” Sarah decided after a minute.

“Yes I do.” You nodded in agreement. John B rolled his eyes and sighed. Tequila and you had never been good friends unless you were sad, and in which case, meant that you tried to drown your sorrows with tequila.

You had grabbed your bottle of tequila, favorite blanket, phone, and crocs before heading out to join the rest of the gang. Once you got there, you settled yourself on the long that you usually shared with JJ.

Kie and Pope were together and so we’re John B and Sarah. They were talking about a double date they were going on tomorrow, which left you to look out at the water and your mind wander.

After everybody had gotten a little buzzed and or a little high, you went into your dark and twisty place. How could you have shoved JJ? After everything that his father had done to him, you did that? How could you guys come back from this? What if he left you?

You always knew you weren’t good enough for JJ. You thought it all the time. Even when JJ tried to reassure you, there was still the nagging thought in the back of your mind, telling you that you weren’t enough. JJ was so much better than you, and he could have anybody he wanted, so why did he settle on you? You weren’t special. You weren’t smart and kind like Pope, you weren’t chill and relaxed like Kiara, you weren’t overly ambitious and hopeful like John B, you weren’t witty or gentle like Sarah, you weren’t feisty or adventurous like JJ. There wasn’t anything that made you special, you thought.

The grounding exercises that your therapist gave you hardly worked anymore. You were too out of touch with your body to understand what you needed. You teared up. You blinked ferociously, refusing to cry. You had done enough of that today.

“Hey,” Sarah said plopping down next you and stealing half your blanket. You leaned in to her, sighing deeply. “You’re not allowed to go dark and twisty on me and not tell me.” You rolled your eyes. Sarah knew you better than pretty much anybody did, besides maybe JJ. She knew your thoughts were eating you alive.

“Do you think he’ll show?” You ask quietly, picking at your phone case anxiously.

“If he doesn’t, then he’ll have to deal with the wrath of me, and I don’t think he wants that.

“Sarah,” I whispered. “I was - I mean - I -” You stumbled over your words again, blinking faster than before as a few tears betrayed you. You’re breathing quickened. You were spiraling.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she kneeled in front of you as you let out a sob. “It’s JJ, Y/N/N. It’s not like it’s some dumb turon or Kook, it’s JJ.” She smiled at you, keeping her voice gentle, trying to calm you down.

You put your head in your hands and continued to cry, trying hard to catch your breath, but nothing worked. Sarah’s words weren’t registering in your brain. You could barely making out John B calling JJ and telling him to come over because of your anxiety, but you couldn’t find it in you to tell him to stop. You shook Sarah off you before you took off running towards the house. You needed to be alone.

You shut the door to the bathroom, hand over your mouth trying to stifle the sobs. You glanced around the bathroom trying to focus on something solid when your eyes landed on the razor.

You zeroed in. You hadn’t done anything in months. Before you and JJ were together. Sarah had caught you and made you start therapy. JJ and John B knew, and so did Pope but you didn’t talk about it a lot. There were bigger problems to worry about.

But the therapy wasn’t working. You weren’t going anymore. The pain was still there. Deep, caught in your chest. The numbness of cutting would take away the pain. It would stop. You inched towards the razor. Just one cut, you thought. It wouldn’t affect much and it would take away the pain, even if it was just for a few seconds. Nobody would ever know. You grabbed the razor. You didn’t hear the knocking on the door. You inched the razor towards your wrist and screamed when the door banged open and JJ caught you.

Both your eyes widened. You opened and closed your mouth repeatedly. Trying to make words, but for the third time today, the English language failed you.

“Y/N,” JJ said sternly. “Give it to me.”

You shook your head rapidly. “I need it to stop, JJ.” You said fast and quietly. “I just need to turn everything off.” JJ stepped forward. You gripped the razor tighter. “I just need it to all stop. Just for a minute.” You cried, chest starting to heave again.

“Sweetheart, this is not how you make it stop. If it stops, it doesn’t start again. It’s an addiction to you. And it’s not going to make it better, it’s only going to get worse. It may seem like a short term solution, but long term you know it will only cause you more pain.” You knew he was right. JJ was always right when it came to stuff like this. “Baby, I’m going to grab it now.” He took it gently from your hand and threw it into the sink. He grabbed you just in time as your legs gave out. You let out guy wrenching sobs.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Once you had calmed down from your episode, you lied back down on your bed staring at the wall. JJ was back in the living room talking with John B and Sarah. After a little while, he slipped back into the bedroom and slid in next to you.

“We need to talk.” Those four words made you shoot up. You knew those words. You had used them on JJ when you had made the decision to split up for a few months a year ago.

“JJ,” you croaked. You didn’t want this. You couldn’t handle him leaving you right now.

“Just listen to me, okay?” He grabbed your hand. “We’re not in the same place right now.” He said gently, his whole gut, heart, and brain hating this, but he knew it was right. For both of you. “You’re so anxious, all the time. Anytime JB and I go to do something you panic until we’re back. If you go with, you panic until it’s done. You pushed me today babe. I’m not saying I didn’t deserve it, because I did. I needed a reality check, but babe, we need help.” He took a deep breath, his heart breaking. “And we need to do that apart, I need to do that apart.”

Tears welded up in your eyes again. This wasn’t happening. This could not be happening.

“JJ, please.”

“I’m not saying we break up, I’m saying let’s take a few months and -”

“Months?” You cried out. You didn’t want to be apart from him for more than a day, let alone months.

“Y/N. We need this okay? You need time to figure stuff out, I need time to figure stuff out. I’m not saying we break up -”

“It sounds like we are!”

“We just need time, okay? Talk to your therapist, work on you. We’ll go from there, okay? But for now, we need space.”

And with that, JJ left, taking your heart with him as he made his was to the couch, where he’d be spending most of his nights.

Pt. 2 coming!!!

[lonelywitchv2]

Through the window

James and his friends find themselves receiving a nasty surprise the night his best friend gets home.

major AU where Regulus isn’t muggle-phobic/a blood supremacist, Regulus isn’t a death-eater (just stuck at home because he doesn’t know how to leave), Regulus is going to magically be the same age as the marauders and the reader (18), takes place after 7th year (all of the characters are 18+), the wizarding war isn’t mentioned in the story, and the marauders don’t automatically join the OOTP as soon as they graduate (explanation for why they’re just chilling at home after graduation). Also, James’ feelings could definitely be interpreted as him being jealous and liking the reader, although that wasn’t necessarily my intent so feel free to imagine them as super close best friends and James just letting his inner teenage boy get the better of him.

cw: unintentional (on regulus and the reader's part) forbidden romance, small mentions of abuse (Black family household), an allusion to smut with some not-entirely-explicit-leading-up details, kind of lied on the last one (brief mentions of some smut lol), me accidentally forgetting about Peter so he’s just at home/on vacation or whatever, the other 3 marauders being little creepers and lowkey pervs to the reader, making out, underage drinking, neglectful parents, she/her pronouns

internally crying a little bc there are so many aspects to the AU and cw

yeah so this is pretty dumb but i kinda just thought of the idea and rolled with it...

to my anon: i saw that you enjoyed the forbidden romance trope so here's another. albeit, this work is lighter on the trope and not necessarily romance (if u didn't catch that based on the description) but i might do a part 2 where it evolves into a romance. ig we'll see!! <3

join my taglist!

minors DNI!!!

James had known you his whole life. You were next-door neighbors and, although you and your family were muggles, you had grown up as childhood best friends. As far as you were concerned, James went to some fancy private school in Scotland while your parents, who were rather rich, sent you off to boarding school in France. James wasn’t the biggest fan of your parents if he was being honest. They never really cared about what you did, only sending you off to an entirely different country and forgetting you existed until you arrived home for the holidays. Even then, you would mostly end up spending the majority of your free days at the Potter house.

The moment you arrived home from France for your summer vacation, you sprinted out of your parents’ car (not that they cared) and ran to the home of the Potter family. Before you could even knock, James sprung open the door and engulfed you in a hug.

“I missed you,” James muttered into your shoulder, still squeezing you.

“I missed you too, Jamie,” You responded with a smile, ruffling his curly hair. You looked over James’ shoulder and spied the tall frame of Remus and the (slightly shorter) frame of Sirius.

“Is that Remus and Sirius I see?” You teased jokingly, pulling away from James’ hug, albeit not without some resistance from the boy, to hug the other two boys and place kisses on each of their cheeks.

“The French are rubbing off on you a bit too much, mademoiselle,” Sirius said charmingly.

“You can only resist the charm of the French for so long, Sirius, it’s harder than you’d think when the boys over there look as lovely as they do,” You said with a cheeky grin as you turned to Remus, “almost as charming as Mr. Lupin here.”

You pulled Remus into another hug, whispering in his ear as you squeezed his shoulders.

“Although you still have yet to beat the lovely ladies over there.”

Remus only chuckled as you stepped away from the embrace and sent him a wink.

James sent a questioning look to Remus, who only shook his head, before scooping you up and tossing you over his shoulder.

“My mother has been dying to see you, she’s brought you up in just about every conversation we’ve had since I arrived home,” James said, carrying you into the kitchen where Euphemia was arranging daisies from the field out back behind their house.

“Oh, darling- James put her down before you drop her on her head! If it isn’t my favorite child,” Euphemia said with a wide smile as she pulled you into a warm hug, “It feels as though it's been forever- you look as beautiful as ever.”

“Thank you, Euphemia, it’s so lovely to see you, I’ve missed you more than Jamie,” You responded teasingly, throwing a smile at the already pouting boy.

The five of them, soon joined by Fleamont, sat around the table enjoying pastries, which Euphemia had baked and you had brought from France, and tea as you told them all about France and James, Sirius, and Remus told everyone (muggle-friendly) stories about all the mischief they had gotten into at school.

Hours passed and the sun began to set as you said your goodbyes, promising to come back in the morning to enjoy breakfast with them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner? You know there’s always an extra seat for you,” Euphemia asked, reminding you of the offer that has stood for years.

“Thank you, Euphemia, but I ought to head home, I still have to unpack and get settled back in. I’ll see you in the morning, thank you for having me over,” You called as James walked her to the door.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? I mean are your parents even making dinner?” James asked, concern etched across his face.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll see you in the morning, Jamie,” You thanked, pressing a kiss on each side of James’ frowning face, “I swear, it’s okay. Now go do some stupid shit with Remus and Sirius.”

James smiled, “Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight, Jamie.”

Later that night, James, Sirius, and Remus observed the dark window leading to your room, which was directly across from James’.

“Do you think she’s asleep?” James asked.

“Dunno, mate, it seems a bit early,” Sirius muttered.

“She just got back from France, she’s probably exhausted, Sirius,” Remus pointed out.

The three boys sat in silence for a while, continuing to watch the manor, void of any light within the house. The darkness was soon broken when a taxi pulled up to the house, shining its headlights onto the street in front of it. They watched as you, looking rather drunk, climbed out of the cab, along with a dark figure whose face they couldn’t see, and paid the driver. You waved the car off and it drove away, leaving the only source of illumination to be the glow of two lights on either side of the door to the house. The boys watched as you grabbed the hand of the figure, walked up to the front door, unlocked the door, and entered the house.

After waiting for a few minutes, all of which were spent whispering about the situation to each other, a dim lamp in your room flickered on and the attention of the marauders was turned back to the house. They watched as you and the figure walked in view of the window, which, in turn, made the two of you visible to the boys, who sat huddled together as you grasped the collar of the mystery person and pulled their head down to meet your lips in a sensual, drunken kiss, your hands entangling themselves in the curly hair of the still unknown person as their hands traveled up and down your body, grazing over your shoulders, back, hips, and ass. Your hands moved down to lift the shirt off of the person, the two breaking their kiss and light finally shining onto the face of your hookup.

“Holy shit.”

“Sirius is that-”

“Regulus? I think so.”

“Oh my Godric,” James muttered, gagging slightly at the image of one of his best friends swapping spit with Regulus Black, of all people. He glanced back at the window to see you now topless and Regulus groping at your breasts eagerly.

“This is so wrong,” Remus muttered, glancing over at his two friends.

“Which part? That my best friend, since I was two, is making out with Sirius’ brother- a Slytherin- or the fact that we’re watching it?!” James exclaimed.

“Both- dear Godric, we look like fucking pervs,” Remus muttered, shamefully glancing back at the window as both of your nude bodies moved back until you fell onto your bed, Regulus underneath you and you straddling his hips.

“Look at us, Rem- we’re camped at James’ window watching two people, that we know, getting it on! Shut the curtains,” Sirius exclaimed.

James stood up, reaching for the curtains before sparing one last glance at your window, eyeing your naked body rocking on Regulus’ with your head tossed back and his hands on your waist.

“I can’t believe it,” James muttered slumping onto his bed.

“It’s so fucking nasty- if I could, I would pay my entire lost inheritance to get rid of that image- don’t get me wrong, and sorry Prongs, she’s smokin’ hot, but with Regulus? Hell no,” Sirius complained.

“Padfoot-“ James whined, turning to face his friend, a disgruntled look on his face.

“Imagine what the rest of the Black family would say if they knew Regulus was…-” Sirius interrupted, pausing in disgust as the thought sunk into his mind.

“Having sex?” Remus continued for him.

“With a muggle. He’d be disowned faster than me,” Sirius muttered as his dark hair, which was very similar to Regulus’, hung over his face.

“Can we stop talking about my best friend fucking your brother, Sirius? It’s grossing me out more than I already am from seeing it,” James groaned from his bed, which was right next to the window.

“Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I need to go to bed before I vomit,” Sirius responded, climbing into one of the beds Mr. And Mrs. Potter had set up in advance of him and Remus staying for the summer.

The three boys muttered goodnights to each other, the rustling of sheets settling into a summer night's silence.

It didn’t take long for Remus and Sirius to be passed out on their respective beds, however, James was unable to sleep and remained lying on his bed. As he stared at the ceiling fan, he felt the itch to peek through the window and see if Regulus had left. Climbing out of bed, James glanced over at the sleeping bodies of his friends before pulling back the curtains just enough to see into your window, where he observed your nude form lying on Regulus Black’s chest, your sleeping face barely visible with the light of the moon shining through your window.

Regulus definitely hadn’t left.

Shamefully, James shut the curtains once more and returned to his bed, allowing the darkness of sleep to claim his confused, perverted mind.

[hackedmotionsensors]

this is personal so please don't reblog this bc I think its weird when I say personal stuff and people reblog it I feel like i shouldn't have to turn that setting on?? Lol

but...both of my parents are seniors. And neither one of them are doing very well health wise. My mom has nerve issues with her hand, diabetes and bad blood pressure, and has had multiple heart attacks, My dad had a fall and never really recovered and had some weird medical problems that we thought were strokes but they never confirmed it. He also got covid at the hospital for those problems so THANKS arizona hospitals

Anyway I get all that. And I wish i could help or be around more. But unfortunately my job (unless we get some cool changes in the agreement) require me to live in LA. I also LIKE living in LA (surprisingly with how much I hate traffic LOL)

But I always get SO STRESSED OUT during the holidays bc I visit them and I need to cross reference with my brother (but again he might not even CARE or be aware that this is happening bc...he just...kinda doesn't care when it happens and I DO see it). I need to ask him or his wife if this happens when I'm NOT here because I have a feeling it gets WORSE when I visit.

But each time I visit my mom finds a way to be a complete and utter bitch at my dad. And my dad IS frustrating. I totally get it. He's always been really frustrating but now its like...frustrating bc he does things that could endanger himself or chooses ways to not make things easier for himself out of pride or just being a senior and not wanting to admit stuff? Idk. I know its a fairly common thing. He also got phone scammed a few months back out of 7k$ and we all were like WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. He doesn't even like paying for COFFEE or good food for himself but LIED TO THE BANK to take out the money when they were like "This sounds like a scam sir" .....SO I GET IT. TRUST ME I GET IT.

But Thanksgiving was mostly good! Last Christmas (lol) I was stressed myself bc I was out of a job for a whole year and had to prep for a con and my car was on its last legs and like I said I just...get stressed LOL Its why i always drive. If I need to bail I absolutely will. Our family has NEVER been good during holidays. Its a lot of abused and abusive people with varying levels of addictions or mental illnesses (is it ANXIETY acting up this year? Or adhd induced RAGE from being overwhelmed! Has someone had TOO MUCH WINE and decided instead of being silly that they want to FIGHT!??! WHO CAN SAY!?!? ITS ANYONE'S GUESS!!!)

And Mom was just RELENTLESS last year. ANYTHING my dad did was a problem. ANYTHING he did...EXISTING...in a place he wasn't supposed to was like...a huge slight against her and because I had the audacity to be like "Mom relax. He's not doing anything" it meant I wasn't on her side or was insulting her or SOMETHING. And it completely blew out between me and her to the point she called my sister crying to try and be like LYDIA'S BEING HORRIBLE AND HATES ME ND SHE CALLED ME A BITCH(which I didn't but i VERYYYY nearly did because she was being a bitch) and like ...my sister is YOUNGER THAN ME LMAO. So my sister texted me like "what happened??" and I told her and she was like...AH. Okay I get it. Because my mom USED to live with her too but she pitched a fit at her and decided to basically run away from living with my sister and move in with her cousin. Then she left there (which honestly seemed the most stable?) and moved in with her sister. And she hated that too.(Running theme in this family is that my aunt is an ACTUAL bitch and I've known that since she came into the bathroom one time when I was sitting on the toilet bc I ran past her on the way into the house bc i REALLY had to pee and she came INTO the bathroom to scream at me for being rude.......but anyway) And then she ended up moving back in with my dad (They aren't married its just...basically roommates LMAO)

She hated living with my brother. My mom is like me. She's basically like a beta fish. She'll just bite the shit out of anything in her tank. I used to live with her and hated it.

LOL OKAY ANYWAY LONG STORY BUT basically....it was a fairly good holiday this time in comparison. I also left after a single day lol Bc I hate thanksgiving to begin with. Not 100% related to my family. I just think the holiday is stupid and pre-gaming christmas and a huge waste of money for someone who travels bc I'm gonna see all these maniacs in three weeks anyway.

I also had a deadline so I had a really good excuse to dip. Thank god.

But bc my parents helped me last year a lot I was like Let me do something REALLY minimal and take y'all out to breakfast. And on the way there my mom is sitting in the back seat behind my dad. My dad uses a cane but she doesn't like sitting in the front anyway. But she was sitting behind him and suddenly 'THE CAR SMELLS'.

Me genuinely thinking something was wrong like maybe I left the travel jerky i bought to eat on the way open. Or maybe I randomly smelled. Its a new car but I'm so used to my old car than anything potentially a problem is a stressor. But no. It was a not subtle way of bitching about my dad. And I was like....okay whatever let it go. Dad didn't say anything so lets just ignore it. Its only another hour or so. And then we get to the restaurant we were going to. My dad and I both get eggs and I ask if she can pass the ketchup. She hands ME the ketchup no problem. Then my dad uses it and sets it on the table. Pretty normal.

This is a thing ~I~ like to do. I like to put the condiments back in the holder thingies. Its not a deal breaker but its like...just a thing. Why have another thing in the way when we can put the ketchup back. So I can't reach it so I'm like "Mom can you tuck this back into the thing" "No. I don't want germs".

I knew exactly what she was doing and was like "Just put it back. I like to put them back." "NO. Its dirty. People touch it"

By this point the vein in my forehead is already throbbing. I go FINE. ITS FINE. I know exactly who you mean. And honestly I'm sure my dad does too and is just.....getting through it. I KNOW she's trying to rile ME up. She picks like a little fly at my dad all the time and its not to get a rile out of him bc she knows he won't really do anything about it. Unless she's hoping he'll blow up eventually and die. IDK (It might not be that drastic BUT Y'NEVER KNOW!!!)

So I let it go. And then she does that thing that bullys or abusers or idk what to even call this but she's done it to me HER WHOLE LIFE. She starts trying to act cute. "Can I have a bite of your eggs Lilly <3"

me "No. I don't want germs"

And now mom is mad. Not a total blow out but I know she's pissed at that. And I don't want this to totally melt down so i offer her the eggs if she really wants but she's already in a snit. THANKFULLY!!!!!!!!!! it blows over. Probably due it it being a massive carb bomb after yesterday's carb bomb. So before we head out I'm like Can you put the ketchup back now? I wanna put the syrup back too. SHE HUFFS. GOES "FINE" and picks it up as if it was covered in dog shit by the tip of her fingers.

AND I AM SCREAMING IN MY HEAD

THAT THIS IS WORSE THAN CHILDREN. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. And she goes back into 1) doing NOT SO SUBTLE jabs at my dad. Using old insults she's always used but not SAYING its because my dad touched it but that PEOPLE touched it. BITCH YOU TOUCHED IT FIRST AND THEN ATE YOUR FOOD. She only washed her hands before eating bc she went to the bathroom AND she never wears a mask. You give two fucks about germs.

And then she has the audacity to say to me "THATS WHAT WAITRESSES ARE FOR"

which is A HUGE FUCKING TRIGGER FOR ME BC I USED TO WORK IN SERVICE. AND SO DOES SHE. IT DOESN'T ~MATTER~ WHAT THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION IS. IT HURTS ~NO~ ~ONE~ to pick up after yourself A LITTLE. Its just putting the ketchup BACK in the FUCKING CONTAINER. ALSO. WE VISIBLY SAW HOW SWAMPED THEY WERE. Its Black Friday they were hauling ass that day and we didn't end up waiting SO long but it was definitely a wait bc of how busy it was. So you're gonna make this lady who was ONLY NICE TO US. Didn't charge me an extra coffee bc I'm a mad lass who had a latte and a black coffee lmao AND She was Latina. Was there not some....Latina togetherness!??! HELLO!??? Very Mexican't mom. (we're not Mexican lmao)

And then on the drive home god I don't even remember exactly what it was bc the blood was in my ears and I was just trying to get them home so i could leave. She said something else that was VERY POINTEDLY about my dad and called it "PEOPLE" again. Like he's not stupid cmon man.

Like just for NO REASON. NOTHING my dad did had anything to really set her off on this. She was just being MEAN to be MEAN. And she KNOWS i hate it.

When i grew up I was always a lot closer to my dad and I can empathize with that. But...idk man we just had more in common? Even if she wasn't working super hard to make ends meet and he was middle class like I GET IT.

But there's resentment and just being a fucking bitch for no reason.

And again this is not to say like Oh my dad the poor uwu old man always getting beat up wah wah wah. Bc again he does a LOT to frustrate me on like...a blood pressure exploding way. But for him its just like...why would you DO THAT. Like we were in the middle of a walk with the family (my brothers family and me and the parents) and he goes OH YEAH LYDIA I MEANT TO SAY....You owe me money for the phone. Which was so fucking embarassing like why would you SAY THAT!?!?! Like i was so frustrated and like ugh. LOL And a thing my mom gets at my dad about is she's like "I SEE SENIORS ALL THE TIME OLDER THAN YOUR DAD THAT RUN MARATHONS" or whatever nonsense. And I'm like mom YOU can't even run a marathon or do half the thing these people say but also SOME PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT!?!?!? My dad had a pretty bad fall a while back and never really recovered from it. So its really frustrating when he CARRIES AROUND HIS CANE or chooses to not bring it with him...and he just...doesn't use it. Like literally I was like Dad you have to USE your cane to stand up and walk not just carry it around like a purse. "Its a psychological thing more than anything" *cue me bursting all the blood vessels in my brain* and my mom being like SEE!? I have to deal with this ALL THE TIME. *shakes desk* BUT YOU MAKE THINGS WORSE BY BEING A BITCH AT THE SAME TIME AGHHHHHHH

I just....genuinely wish I had normal parents and a normal holiday get together instead of dreading the end of the year that its something I HAVE to do because I genuinely love these people but the drive back my chest hurt, my head hurt, my throat hurt from ranting in my car my JAW hurt from clenching it from stress.

Like at this rate I'm gonna die before they do holy shit. And I think also because they're seniors and in bad health that I worry about them at the same time because....its not fair to either of them that they had to end up moving in together (It ends I think in march thankfully) and because they're seniors that I know...well this could be the last holiday i spend with them. So I make the effort, risk the covid and just go visit them when i can. But holy fucking shit.

lmao my mom LITERALLY just called me now like MY GODDDDDD LMAO HOW DID SHE KNOWWWWWW

[s4r1n-g4s]

Ok fine, we're going with Kieran lore (Yes I am gonna post ADSOH soon I SWEAR)

I redid his ref bc I felt it would be necessary. I can't help but feel like the original sheet made him look like a Sesame Street character. Come on, I know you were all thinking it. I like the way I styled it better and I feel like it conveys his personality better. Should I post a speedpaint of him sometime? (Well not rlly, it's taken from procreate but you get the picture).

TW for Murder, Emotional Abuse and SH.

Kieran used to live a normal life with his parents, and his older brother, Desmond. Although the boys had a six year age difference, they got along very well. It wasn't uncommon for Kieran to fall asleep on Des, and despite their differences, they'd find ways to have fun. He dealt with bullying, but at least he had a loving family that loved him unconditionally. So what ended this? Well, a robbery that escalated to a murder.

When Kieran was ten and his brother was 16, a disguised monster intended to rob Kieran's family with the intent of murdering everyone in the house, They approached Kieran's room first, and the monster tried to kill him in his sleep. However, he woke Kieran, being a light sleeper, woke up to the monster and screamed in terror, scurrying away from the killer. Luckily his family had woken up quickly, and Des, being the closest to Kieran's room, arrived just as his younger brother was cornered. Emmeline called the police, and Kieran's father ran to Kieran's room. He fought his hardest to keep his brother alive, even though he knew that was it for him. He was shanked to death that night, and so was his father. When the police arrived, both Des and his father were dead and gone.

His mother had always struggled with mental illness, but after the loss of her husband and older son, she was at her lowest point. Instead of being there for Kieran when he needed it most, she would berate him, calling him "her little murderer". He wasn't allowed to cry, because according to his mom, he needed to "take responsibility for killing his brother and father". It only got worse from there, as she would deny him any sort of affection and would sometimes yell at him for no reason. She just wanted to insult him sometimes. She also forbade him from having any friends, and laughed in his face when he was being bullied. Having no support system, he turned to cutting in order to cope with his stress. When his mother yelled at him for being an attention seeker, he began to hide it. He already was addicted.

When midnight struck his 18th birthday, he was thrown out of the house. Luckily he had a small place to live, but he needed to make money for college and stuff. He worked tirelessly, sacrificing his sleep and health for his dreams. At least he's got somewhere now.

In college, he had somewhat of a social life, but he couldn't keep friendships for long. He also had a really rough first year, but the rest was alright when it came to academics. He graduated and started his music career, but was deep in debt. He's getting rather successful, but isn't famous yet. He seems to be on that track, though. For better or worse.

That's all for now! That's the general backstory, and I left out the prism gate stuff bc that's a whole other thing. More detailed lore is coming, but they will be focused on a specific part of his life instead of a general story like the one I wrote here.

Let me know if you want more!

[buddyapologist]

lisa's cross necklace is so interesting to me. was her mother religious and it was a gift from her? was marty religious? was it a gift from someone else, not because they were religious but because they just wanted to give her something nice? was lisa religious independently of the rest of her family? did she just like the necklace?

it's entirely possible there's no religious meaning behind the cross and it's just a piece of jewelry but the implications of it if we assume it is explicitly a religious symbol are. well. devastating

imagine a girl, she's young, somewhere between 10 and 15, broken and battered and traumatized beyond all belief. and she finds god. she believes in god because she needs to believe that someone is watching her, and that if she is good enough, and she tries hard enough, she will be saved. she prays every night that god or one of his angels will take her away from this place, or make marty change his ways, or anything that will make the abuse stop.

but god and his angels never come. she prays and prays and tries to follow the bible's teachings and begs god to save her. nobody saves her. no matter how hard she tries. and she wonders if there's anyone up there at all, because who would see what happens to her and just let it happen? what kind of god would allow that abuse to continue?not one worth believing in. maybe there is no god.

maybe that's when she resorts to drastic actions, when she gets bernie to mutilate her, when she begs him to save her since god wouldn't. she lashes out because she's a scared abused child whose older brother ran away and left her behind and it haunted him for the rest of his life. and she hangs herself and believes she'll just be dead, but part of her still wonders if there's a heaven and a hell, and which one she would end up in, if they were real.

this all came out of me bc i was listening to inbred by ethel cain and the lyric "i'm not scared of god / i'm scared he was gone all along" is soooooooo lisa it hurts. what if you believed in god so deeply and believed so strongly that he would save you, only for years of pain to drag on and on. maybe he won't save you. maybe he was never there to begin with.

[loving-family-poll]

2nd Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 1

Propaganda under the cut:

Buck/Maddie:

The first time we see Maddie, Buck is inadvertently trying to get into the shower with her, which in my opinion really sets the tone. They're siblings who grew up with emotionally neglectful parents, extremely entwined and dependent on each other until Maddie leaves home for an abusive marriage. Unaware of the abuse but knowing they're both miserable in their current lives, Buck asks Maddie to run away with him. She agrees to go with him, until her husband finds out and assaults her. Still unaware and feeling betrayed by her change of heart, Buck nevertheless writes to her after he leaves on his own. He keeps up the correspondence for three years even though she never writes back. And when Maddie finally makes the decision to leave, explicitly because her brother never gave up on her, the first thing she does is show up on his doorstep. (Or, to be more specific, in his shower). Some have described their relationship as "wholesome" and "heart warming" but personally I think the sweeping romance of this backstory gives them a pass to get a little freaky with each other.

Maddie and Buck grow up close, thier parents completely closed off from them but especially from Buck. Buck finds out later in life that they had a brother Daniel who he was made to be a savior child for. It didn't work and Daniel died and the Buckley parents pretended he didn't exist, forcing Maddie to do the same. Maddie and Buck mention several times that it was them vs the world and that the Buckley parents weren't bad people just bad parents. Maddie especially is parentified and spent most of thier childhood raising Buck. Buck is the only Buckley who goes to Maddie wedding to her eventual husband who is abusive. When we meet Maddie in the series she's on the run from Doug. Doug does actually end up kidnapping Maddie and its Buck who goes after her and rescues her.

Maddie stayed with her abusive husband to save Buck from his wrath, and even though Buck didn't know that, he sent her postcards documenting his journey. And when Maddie ran out on her partner and child, Buck kept her secret.

3 separate flirty moments (shower introduction, cockring innuendo and bisexual coming out), clutching at each other covered in blood, secret pinky promises, and over 7 seasons they show over and over that they know one another best out of everyone.

Jonas/Martha:

what if we were relatives thanks to a time paradox, and also loved each other so much we tried to destroy the timeline. and also died for/because of each other

They are So Much in every way. They love each other so much but they are so tragic. Jonas was willing to erase himself from existence if it meant Martha could be happy again (he did not succeed, but still). They’re able to recognize older versions of each other who have time-traveled back. Jonas literally BREAKS TIME AND SPACE to get back to Martha’s time and save her life. Meanwhile, in another timeline, a Martha who never knew Jonas still sleeps with him within a week of their meeting. The baby they have is called The Origin (real name on the birth certificate), and he’s literally described as the most important baby in the universe. Martha CAUSES THE APOCALYPSE so she and Jonas can have this baby. They have an in-world cult dedicated to the two of them being together. They kill each other in one timeline. And at the end of it all, when they’ve become mortal enemies and lived through their own separate time loops, they just hold hands so they can die old and grey together.

I would like everyone to know that they LITERALLY call themselves Adam and Eve and they have a giant cathedral dedicated to them with Adam and Eve paintings on the walls. and their descendants AND ancestors literally come to worship them there bc they believe they will bring paradise on earth. Beginning and end, alpha and omega, two sides of the infinity sign come together. and for the incest Martha is Jonas’ aunt

“You and I are perfect together. Never forget that.” Jonas would never guess that his teenage crush would turn out to be his aunt. Or that their love and inability to let go of one another would cause them both to lose everyone they’ve ever loved, trap them in a time loop unable to change any of the tragedy that befalls them and their child, and trigger the literal apocalypse. But, hey, life is unpredictable.