#And also there's Jewish representation. Idk if it's good. But listen.

[lyxthen]

I like it when old people have romance plots in media. Divorced parent gets a new partner and their child loves them. Widow re-marries and finds happiness with their new spouse. Old gays finally able to have their dream wedding and live their lives openly. Elders finding love in a nursing home found-family style. Just. People older than 30 falling in love and having fulfilling relationships is what I mean. Because all I see ever is divorce plots and grief and loneliness because apparently you can only ever be happy and have fun as a teen/young adult. The moment you hit a certain age you stop being elegible for the role rom-com protagonist. It's a little discouraging tbh. I want to see that change.

[thisweekinfandomhistory]

hey v and emily! thank you for doing this podcast! i really enjoy getting to listen and learn with you. i just finished episode 23 where you mentioned libba bray et al being problematic and my curiosity is piqued. i read all of libba bray's books as they were coming out, so for some of them it's been quite a while. were you referring to book content or irl event(s) or both? i would love to know more if you have the time

V here -- I LOVE Libba's The Diviners series, but it also has a lot of things that could have been handled better if she had put in the research. For example, it's yet another example of the Bury Your Gays trope/the Evil Lesbian trope, and she put significantly less research and work into writing 1920s LES Russian-Jewish culture than she did any other non-WASP culture in the series. Given that it's a series ostensibly ABOUT eugenics in America as a necessary evil of the "American Dream," the fact that she kind of lumped Sam's VERY NOT-WHITE IN THE 1920s experience into being One Of The White Characters drives me nuts. (Also she gets her Yiddish wrong.)

I also don't personally love the AGATB series, because it's just not my flavor of genre fiction, but this blog does a pretty good breakdown of why it doesn't hold up to 2023 standards of responsible representation/inclusion, especially wrt the "heroic" main character being a British colonist in India.

Bray spends two whole paragraphs describing the Indian marketplace. It’s not just for scene setting; she’s using her setting for novelty. The problem is that people are never novel to themselves, nor is their own culture novel to them. So using another culture for novelty means twisting the depiction for the purposes of entertaining outsiders. The result is exoticism.

Are these unforgivable evils? No. And honestly, compared to how A LOT of YA books older than, like, 2017, hold up to 2023 standards, I also personally fully acknowledge that my complaints about The Diviners are more like quibbles than anything with actual weight. It's not like she's Laura Ingalls W*lder. I also do think that there is almost no way to write historical fiction that is both accurate and critical of the structures that upheld the kyriarchy of the past in a way that is still suited to a STORY that is interesting and readable.

But I also think that, particularly with regard to AGATB, Libba was writing outside of her lane -- like... I'm not sure that any white westerner should necessarily be the person trying to tackle a fantasy series in British-occupied India, because our education on that time and place is steeped in Orientalism and even the most woke among us aren't authentic voices of those who suffered massively under that occupation. So IDK. AGATB came out long before We Need Diverse Voices, and you can tell.

With The Diviners, I mostly get frustrated because she clearly put A LOT of attention and care into writing Memphis' Black experience and Ling's Chinese-American experience, but she didn't afford the same research or care to Sam's Jewish experience because she didn't even do enough research to know that his experience WAS racialized (and he would have suffered xenophobia to boot, being a Russian immigrant).

tl;dr, she's not #cancelled -- hell, I write drabbles for The Diviners whenever I get the opportunity! -- but there are some glaring instances of ignorance and privilege in her writing that are a bummer.

[majorbaby]

i woke up with additional thoughts on what this means for engaging with fanwork and my discomfort with 'this is for fun' being used to dismiss things.

firstly because i don't think that gives proper weight to fun, joy and play all of which i think are wrongly cast as being frivolous which is in no small part thanks to grind culture and capitalism valuing production over anything else.

and secondly because some things cannot be fun (except when you find some kind of fun angle to approach them with sorry i can't shake off postmodernism lol) and honest at the same time. you gotta make things bad and awful sometimes not as a choice, but because that's what they are. you take away the awfulness and it's no longer the thing that it was.

like if you can't talk about bad or ambiguous endings or character eing messed up for no obvious reason or flashback to whatever singular event in their life which has traumatized them, then you really cannot address racialized experiences or queer experiences (and the intersection of both) in a varied way. and that's what good representation is - a varied representation of experiences. instead we have now "there's a queer character" and "there's a black woman in this"

this is linked to the 'proship' vs 'anti' debate and the weaponization of the term 'safe space' and the assignment of every last behaviour to some kind of moral standard. this really hurts racialized people. the ritegud podcast used the example of people likening bernie sanders to an 'angry abusive father' for being angry about, idk, the broad state of human rights in america, for cussing about it, for getting riled up during his speeches. setting down the fact that i'd say it's a righteous anger, the podcasters pointed out that he's just a new yorker. to be more specific, he's a jewish man from new york, which i'm sure had some influence upon the way his non-jewish critics on the left attacked his character - but it also has to do with an increased value of the 'kickass' the 'that's the good shit' - which may not appear to demand respectability and order, but as soon as its lacking, your wrist is slapped hard or you're characterized as being a degenerate.

'bad kinks' - you know what they are, 'untouchable' or 'proship' content etc is actually a more sanitized opponent than the antis claim to be fighting against. all stories that are too dark to be told are relatives of that type of 'bad content' by virtue of their creators having been told at some point 'you can't tell this story' and sometimes audiences being told 'you can't listen to this story'

lots of stories about people on the fringes of society contain examples of degeneracy because it's thrust upon us by the ruling class. naturally these experiences aren't fun, so why would stories about them be fun except to pander to people who otherwise won't consume those stories?

LRB raquel and i have had our differences (parasocial) but in her conversation she talks about the "squeedom" movement in literature, which is adjacent to fandom and relies on the online-ity of readers. she approached it from her experience with science fiction and fantasy but much of what she said resonated with me and how i feel, how ive often felt, engaging with fanfiction and fandom.

one part in particular - if you take a racialized character and pop them into a standard sci-fi story, that will do pretty well and the story is praised for its diversity. it's in vogue right now to do that. but readers and publishers are much less amicable to stories that are about a black or latinx or asian narratives, which is hard to explain without naming a specific piece but like - stories which get labelled as being "post colonial" for example, even tho they may belong to a genre such as fantasy, romance, sci fi etc.

and that's in part because escapism is much harder to come by in those kinds of stories, which are often bleak or horrifying or contain sexual taboos that people arent ready for or arent ready for if it isnt white bodies partaking.

[kachinnate]

,,,,okay i know i just said i wasn’t going to talk about the deh movie but actually yeah imma talk about it for just a sec bc y’all actually make me legitimately distressed sajkfndsmjkgds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQ_A0H1otc i dont have the braincells to do a shot by shot analysis right now but here’s what we’re lookin at

under a readmore because ghhhhhhh

firstly, let me lead with this: yes, from what we know, there’s a lot of things wrong with this movie. 

the worst, in my humble opinion, being the bts treatment of the (very few) actors of color, and the lack altogether of any production team members of color. that’s something that should be acknowledged, talked about, and fucking dug into especially at the current fucking period of time we’re living in. it’s unsurprising, but disgusting nonetheless, and it set this movie up for failure from the very beginning. i’m a white person so by no means so i feel inclined or like i have any authority in saying what one should feel wrt all of that, however i will say if there’s to be a boycott in not watching this movie, that should 100% be the reason why. it’s fully poc’s choice whether or not to forgive the production team or give this movie a chance for the irredeemable shit it did in regards to handling the movie’s production. the movie imo definitely doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, but again, that is not for me to say. 

there’s some little things too that i can’t fully think of off the top of my head - like, the whole making larry connor’s stepdad thing fucking irks me, for example, but, like...... listen.

if you know me like at all, you know my favorite word is nuance.

so, i’m going to say it outright: the way you people are approaching this three minute trailer shows literally.... none?? no nuance ??? is it no-nuance november over here or ???? like i’m begging you i’m BEGGING YOU to put aside your pre-determined prejudices against this movie and like stop pretending to be a renowned film critic for ten seconds because it’s really not as outright fucking abysmal as you are saying!! and also it’s possible to have opinions that aren’t completely fucking polarized to one side because guess what, the deh movie? a piece of media! what is the shit y’all are constantly preaching about having the ability to consume media critically ? because you’re trying to cancel a fucking trailer based on the contents of the trailer alone !!!!! hello !!!!!!!!

media is bound to be problematic. if y’all were as quick to judge any movie as you did this one, guess what you wouldn’t be watching any movies like ever <3 

anyway lets get into the parts that are probably going to get me cancelled lmao 

ben platt - listen. LISTEN. listen i know he’s too old to be reprising evan we ALL know he’s too old to be reprising evan i’ve heard this same argument since the announcement was made we get it we all know. haha he’s a grandpa yes bestie ur so right ur so funny wow. i do agree that we should’ve maybe had a not-ben-platt evan moment but here’s some things to keep in mind: the arguments of “oooh ABF is right there !!!!!!” 1. who’s to say he was available? 2. the environment of a movie is so, SO much different than that of a musical -- as much as you wanna pretend you know everything from just a trailer, there’s no way of knowing what scenes were added that might’ve made the movie like.. idk possibly more intense story-wise not even COUNTING the fact that just inherently a movie set is different than a musical one? like yes ben platt might be just being used as a device but that’s probably not the sole and only reason. Also, if i see One (1) more comment about his FUCKING HAIR 😃 first of all it’s not that deep like... if you’re so distracted by an actor having their hair different that’s on you, but going as far as to call it bad or distracting or being like Vehemently a way about it? y’all i know it’s most likely not your intention but that is literally just ben platt’s natural fuckin ETHNICALLY JEWISH hair sajknfgkjds!!!! i’m not the first to make this point, but like dsjnfkjdsg!??! y’all are being so mean about it and for WHAT? again, maybe not intentional, but it reads as like high key Very antisemetic and you should.... maybe not 😳 be that way

connor. the thing about a trailer is that they don’t show you all the scenes because they want you to come see the movie. right? can we agree on that? all the connor scenes in the trailer had SEVERAL hard cuts, omitting a lot of the scene -- like the computer lab scene! we see the beginning of it, there’s a VERY obvious hard cut, and then he’s running out! in my opinion my first watch through of this trailer i had a very like “:// hmm all these actors feel a lil like dry”, but man oh man the comments ive seen about connor. holy shit guys. this boy gets 7 minutes of stage time in the actual musical, and the whole thing is we DON’T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT HIM. not to burst your bubble, and i by no means hate connor, i love me some good connor lives fics and stuff, but everything we write with connor being alive? that is !! speculation on our part !!!! those are headcanons and us using the little context we have!! connor doesn’t have any significant development IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL that is being adapted into a movie !!! you 1. can’t fully judge a character with already limited screentime in a 3 minute trailer, 2. can’t really call what connor has canonically in the musical as in depth character development !! what is his arc then !!!! he pushes evan, goes to the computer lab, has an outcast loner kid moment, gets upset, takes the letter, DIES. sorry stans, that’s just how it is !! and, AND, everything in between, all the idiosyncracies, that depends on the actor playing connor! speaking of, you know who the actor is playing connor in the movie? that’s right, colton ryan! so, i don’t know, maybe... have some trust in the process, in an actor who ALREADY has played connor on broadway???? and also trust that you will get more connor content then u are seeing from a 3 minute trailer!! dhgnijsdg and some of the comments on like his appearance specifically? like are you really made that he doesn’t have long hair?? they kept his nails and his rings but nahhh the hair was apparently a MUST HAVE (even though like.. not all connor actors on broadway always had/have long hair but w/e).. REGARDLESS. tldr on THAT , the movie would have to do a pretty shitty job if they want to take something from someone who doesn’t have much to begin with and i think y’all are being extremely harsh on this point 

jared. honestly i’m a bit worried too about the like... name change, because it does have the potential to be taking out some representation, but... they did change the name to fit the actor’s ethnicity? it’s a really [hmm] topic because, again, from a trailer and from what we have been told we don’t KNOW a lot of the context, but i think it’s important to remember that uh.. jewish people aren’t just? always white ?? there’s a possibility they changed the last name to fit with the [ethnicity] while keeping him jewish?? ofc there’s the possibility that they Didn’t and ... again hm that’s its own thing altogether but just reiterates the point that you can’t knock a whole movie just based on the trailer. you can’t talk about things you know nothing about. 

alana. same thing as before, you can’t.... completely bash a character based on a 3 minute trailer. there was discussion about how she seemed ‘shy’ when talking to evan, which like.. maybe she is but also that scene was them talking in a library like if u actually take notice of what’s happening in the scene jdskngsd though i do share the general consensus with many others that she won’t get a lot of screen-time but that’s neither here nor there 😔 moving on

scenes and the setting. one of the things i was most like.. tentative about in regards to a switch from a musical to a movie was how they were like... going to do certain scenes? naturally, a lot has to be different when we’re going from a minimal stage set to an entire movie with like.. settings. there are going to be new scenes because a movie lends to have like, physical places that aren’t just [evan’s bedroom] and [murphy kitchen] and [implied school]. so new scenes, new conversations, slightly different pacing.. this is all to be expected right like are y’all geneuinely surprised here or ........

there’s a lot we aren’t seeing yet because this is a TRAILER. again i already mentioned this re: connor but like... again, y’all are making some Claims that just... fucking outlandish. there are so many moments in the trailer that are very obvious Hard Cuts. you don’t have all the information yet. you are angry at a tiny fragment of something that is confusing you because you don’t have all the context. is there a chance that some of this shit is just genuinely Bad? yeah but you really cannot 100000% say it with your chest and gauge it without seeing the movie and understanding what that scene is in context. lowkey uhhh saw some jokes about the zoe scene in the car and :’))) ? jesus? christ????

concluding thoughts because my brain hurts but like. you don’t have to like the movie. you don’t have to WATCH the movie. like all media if you choose to consume the movie you should do so with some CRITICAL THOUGHT. but, just like the novel (and i do not want to have any discussions about that i don’t care if you think it’s good Or bad that’s not what this is about) you guys are going in this WANTING to believe it’s bad and completely polarizing your thoughts on what this is going to be. yeah, maybe there shouldn’t be a movie. i genuinely think we could’ve gone without. but it’s just a piece of media, it’s not a progression like all your (musical is good, novel is bad, MOVIE IS WORSE OH NO) posts are suggesting. they are all just. different pieces of media stemming from a source. at the end of the day it’s just a fucking movie. if you already hate it so much, guess what? you don’t have to watch it! you don’t have to put so much needless fucking hate into a 3 MINUTE TRAILER. you can stop being performative and dissing it for its poor treatment of POC while then going on to make fun of ben platt’s hair and just targeting a different group like! please !!!

i’m not trying to be a fuckin’ advocate for this movie because there’s so much opportunity for it to suck, i do Not have high hopes for it, and i’m not even really sure i want to watch it (i bought the novel when it came out and have yet to read it, and i’m sure the movie will like.. elicit very similar vibes from me lsdngjkdsg like im just not uhhh feeling it) but y’know what? watching the trailer did not bring forth the fucking onslaught of hatred in me that apparently has fuckin posessed all of y’all and like djnsgjksdg plagued my dashboard for this whole evening. don’t come into my inbox trying to like.. argue with me about this (preemptively im turning off anon because i like i Can’t lmao) this is just like... a rant i needed to get out of me real quick. 

SO. tldr for now: have critical thought about shit you consume, there’s no ethical consumption under [the film industry], you can’t judge a movie entirely on its trailer, and y’all need to calm the fuck down 

[bogkeep]

hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on...  there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s  not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

[randomingoftherandomness]

Hi, I’m sorry to bother you with this, but I was wondering about your distaste for S*a*g C*i. I’m not very familiar with the comics or the characters. Your post caught my attention because I try to be knowledgeable about the media I consume, especially coming from Marvel/Disney(being Jewish Rromani, I’ll never forgive them for what they did to Wanda). I tried googling information about it but couldn’t find much. I was just curious if your post had a deeper meaning or if it simply isn’t to your taste. Obviously feel free to ignore this if you don’t feel like getting into it or don’t want to answer.

Hi! First up, thanks for taking the chance to ask and being willing to listen. I appreciate that a lot.

I am going to preface this by saying that I am part of the Chinese diaspora. I have never read the comics in full but I have seen enough to formulate my own thoughts. All my opinions made here are my own and I’m not looking to debate or be persuaded or to shift my point of view. I have my mind about these things and you have yours. I do urge you to keep opening avenues of discussions as I should not be the only person being asked.

Also, heads up, I will block any sort of argumentative bs-ery.

SC is obviously made with the perspective of the Asian American lens in mind and I have seen it been pointed out that it isn’t meant to be ‘representative’ but let’s be real here. How many people in the tag have already been hyping it up as Asian rep and stuff? I’m just saying. I just want to say that the experiences of Asian Americans do not reflect those of the diaspora. Yes, we can relate to a certain extent, but to generalise and distill all experiences of all members of the diaspora into that of Asian Americans is unacceptable.

My issues with SC (not gonna bother with spelling the name out and we are going into the whys) are as follows:

I would recommend starting out by reading this article on cbr.com that goes a little further into detail on the history of the character

The tl;dr is this; SC started out as an insensitive East Asian stereotype character created to capitalise on the 1970s fervour for anything Kung Fu. Sure, Marvel has done their best to retcon some of the less stellar parts of his origins, but the funniest thing is (legend. big bro. uncle Tony) Tong Leung, a renown Hong Kong actor has been casted as The Mandarin while Simu Liu, a Canadian Chinese actor, was casted as SC. Make of that what you will.

Okay deadass I’m not saying Simu Liu won’t do a good job because at this point all we have to work on is a teaser trailer but I’m all saying that is, was Arthur Chen Feiyu not available or something?? Idk. He didn’t pick up the phone?? Did Marvel even ask?? This is nonsensical salt and I digress

Then there’s the name. What kinda hell name is S**** C**??? This is some Cho Chang level bullshit. Yeah, sure we can say, oh they just want to make sure the branding is right. Ok. This coming from the studio that amalgamated the characterisations of Ned Leeds and Ganke Lee. Sure, Jan.

Full disclosure, I did like some of the vibes given out by the teaser. There were some very wuxia and xianxia inspired shots and scenes and if I do watch, I’ll be very keen on these bits. Awkwafina already looks like she is set to be etched deep into my heart and Uncle Tony looks to be gearing up to kick this out of the park because goddamn he looks good in that armour. Haven’t seen Tan Sri Michelle Yeoh’s character, but I’m sure she will be kicking ass and taking names for sure too because I am very sure veterans like her and Uncle Tony will look good doing wire works. But this isn’t a movie about them, is it? It’s about SC and right now with this teaser trailer, nothing about SC makes me want to froth at the mouth to watch.

Yes, I am saying that that subway scene does not impress me. We live in a world with stunt teams from China can work on a peanut budget to make conversations flow in a fight scene. Do better.

Again, I am very aware that this teaser is to hype people up. I know. I am still waiting for the proper first trailer to drop. I have actually deliberately kept myself oblivious to the production of this movie so as to not give myself any sort of preconceived notions. When that first trailer drops, then I will formulate my thoughts again.

Okay, I know it’s a teaser but some of the cgi just looks... very uncanny valley? It looks unfinished, is what I am getting at here. For a mega conglomerate verging on industry monopoly, even a teaser trailer should look 1000% better than this. Every beat of this should be flawless. It should look on par with the trailer. People who follow will know that I won’t ever fault a product because of shitty cgi (re: Word of Honor) but when you are the people behind the Live Adaptation of Mulan (which I hate) and Raya and the Last Dragon (which I categorically DETEST because that shit is bullshit mishmash of SEA cultures with fucking made up words being painted as *representation* and that is some fucking bullshit and as someone from SEA I’m sorry Queen Kelly Marie Tran BUT NO) I will hold you to the fucking standards of the high heavens as the House of the Devil Mouse deserves. Do fucking better.

I am not clairvoyant but I can already see how it is going to go when this movie doesn’t “do as well as expected” in Asia; you’ll hear people going on about how the Asian Asians don’t support these types of stories, how we don’t put effort into hyping movies and shows that push for representation. But can I ask whose representation are we talking about? I saw it with Crazy Rich Asians and Mulan, I saw it with Raya. Whose rep are we talking about? If someone out there, some little child sees themselves in these media products, sure, great! Empower these next generation for the push for a better hope. But whose rep are we pushing for? Because I definitely do not see myself in the Asian American lens of representation and I’m very sure I won’t ever and I know that I am not alone in this.

Hollywood needs to do better. To borrow the words of a friend, excusing mediocrity for ‘cultural appreciation’ is no good.

This rant has gotten long enough and I’m so sorry to everyone seeing this on your dash. I have a lot of salt today.

[sokkagatekeeper]

my 8th grade obsession with prince of egypt us ab to come back because of ur prince of egypt blogging and i cannot thank you enough. i forgot how much i loved that movie. and now ur making atla connections?!?!? i am floored. i am living. i am deceased. i am levitating. thank you for ur service. if u wanna plz respond to this with anything else u wanna talk ab regarding the movie. i will listen. i am so intrigued. i love this movie. plz keep posting bestie.

thank u!! that movie has a special place in my heart. ok here are some other (v disorganized) thots off the top of my head:

this is only tangentially related to the prince of egypt, and also i think i've said it before, but atla is therapy for eldest siblings who grew up with bible stories! the death of the first born terrified me so much as a kid u don't even know. and the bible (or at least the tanakh; idk the nt. what do u take me for, a christian???) is full of stories of younger siblings being the ones favored by god. i think it's interesting that with all the biblical siblings that zuko and azula can be compared to (moses and ramses princeofegypt; jacob and esau; even cain and abel wrt what ppl call “the cain instinct”) zuko is the younger one, and azula is the older one. it's nice to see the older ones (zuko, sokka, even iroh to an extent... but w iroh it's more complicated we don't need 2 get into it) be the underdogs for once. (ok but since im a #TanakhNerd (aka. a jew.) i have to make it clear that i understand the thematic importance of the younger siblings being the ones who are favored by god but not by their parents/society and how that ties into the identity of the jewish people etc etc anyway. atla is very good too though i love seeing gay loser nerd older siblings. #Representation)

another thing that comes to mind is that when i was looking for things to rb, i came across an atla gifset with lyrics from “when you believe” across it. and that kind of completely recontextualized how i view the song? bc like. that song often bothered me. “there can be miracles when you believe” really read to me as “put your faith in god and then anything can happen!” which rlly is not a theology that i vibe with. but seeing those lines next to atla characters made me read that line more like “naïve idealism and hope against all odds can help you change the world for the better” (y'know, very kataraesque.) so that's fun

[rainbow-sides]

Okay so here are some of my actual thoughts abt the episode:

janus is a bitch and I love him so much

patton breaking down (in frog form, which ?????) seemed p cathartic and i hope he and roman are gonna chill off camera and chat for a while. maybe play some stardew valley or animal crossing. have some calm time.

leslie????? odom????? jr????? (why was he just AT thomas’s house?????)

i’m just generally grateful for logan’s entire existence, and i’m glad that even if he has some insecurities and doubts and stuff which i’m sure will be addressed at some later date, he seems to be doing okay. he’s good at talking thomas out of those insecurities, he can probably do it for himself most of the time too (also he is a part of thomas and not a separate person--all those reassurances are for him, too)

(much more under the cut, don’t wanna clog ur dash)

i think virgil is working through some stuff on his own rn. he’s trying to figure out what his role in the group is, how it’s going to change based on his “dark side reveal” (which, idk if it’s going to end up being as big of a deal as he probably thinks it is, bc i think a big thing they’re gonna work through soon is that “dark side” is an arbitrary term Roman came up with for any side thomas doesn’t want to acknowledge/listen to). he’s probably off listening to emo music and drinking gatorade out of a wineglass fully clothed in the bathtub.

back to janus. a) excellent name, i think i saw someone guess at it like a year or so ago which is epic b) BOI

seriously i cannot express how much i appreciate what they’re doing with deceit. i think he provides a necessary balancing force against the other sides in advocating for thomas’s own well-being, and i’m looking forward to seeing him and patton working together. janus and logan working together will also be fun.

that being said, imagining roman&virgil vs janus&logan with patton caught in the middle is. mm. painful. good shit right there.

g-d this whole episode tho...it was so fuckin catholic dksjhdkjhfk

to be more specific: so much of patton’s reasoning just makes No Sense to me as someone without that catholic upbringing and mindset (this isn’t a criticism of the writing, just something i find interesting as a Jewish person), because i think a lot of christianity revolves around Purity of Thoughts and Intentions as opposed to actions and their impact. there’s also the whole catholic guilt thing, but i’m gonna let someone with more knowledge of catholicism do a detailed analysis of that one (stayin’ in my own jewish lane here). i think it’s cool that they’re sticking with that theme of patton’s thought patterns which were so evident in the intrusive thoughts video

again, i think so much of this series is about finding balances in your life. that’s like, the whole point, right? character!thomas is the representation of a collection of different sides which are all basically like...wants. like, fundamentally, the show is about a dude who has a lot of driving forces inside himself and he’s struggling to find the balance between them. he becomes more unhappy when they aren’t working for a common goal because he’s being pulled in different directions by parts of himself. and obviously a lot of it is hyperbolic and metaphoric, and i think it’s important to remember that, because despite the Sides all being distinct characters, they are not distinct people, and cannot be judged as if they were.

character!thomas is trying to grow and accept himself and be happy and healthy and i’m really proud of him :`) <3

[groves]

anyway i have. a variety of thoughts re: The Last of Us Part II, and i wanna get them out, so beware spoilers below the cut

i don’t wanna go the absolutist route of saying this game was incredible or this game was total bullshit - there were things i liked and things i very much did not

druck has been saying from the very beginning that this game was supposed to be about hate and cycles of violence and what trauma can do to a person and like. listen they achieved their goal with that - that being said, personally, i’m very over torture porn

let’s start with the good, shall we

i loved the gameplay! obviously very reminiscent of the first game, but i like the new add-ons of the ability tree, the new items you could craft, the variety of much bigger, more intricate, and interesting maps was hella fun

holy shit the standing/crouch/prone mechanic was smooth as shit and so much fun. i don’t think i’ve ever played a game where you could go prone like that, let alone with that much ease and versatility. it made a lot of the battles really fun and more versatile than they would have been with just boxes to hide behind

abby’s hair?? i don’t think i’ve ever played a character with hair animated past their shoulders/upper back?? she had a long braid that moved seamlessly as she moved - i’ve always assumed long hair on a player character was something that was deceptively difficult to animate (like characters taking off clothing, which ND were the first to achieve in Thief’s End), so idk if any other tech/animation people can confirm or deny that abby’s hair is kind of an animation breakthrough?

the similarities and differences between ellie and abby’s gameplay based on their strengths/weaknesses, materials, and training was a good touch

i know a lot of people didn’t like her, but abby grew on me a lot. do i love her as much as ellie? not by a long shot, but playing as abby for so long was very effective in driving the theme of cycles of violence home. As in, these are two girls who otherwise would have no reason to be enemies, neither of whom are inherently evil, but they keep doing things to hurt each other and brew this hatred in each other, neither of them feeling like they can stop

i loved a lot of our new cast of characters

i would die for dina, who could have seen that coming

i really liked jesse! i wasn’t sure how i was going to feel after the pregnancy reveal but he was just. super solid the whole time and i appreciated him

yara and lev. my children. “i’ve never heard a scar curse before” “that was my first time” an angel

increased diversity! (which is. a double-edged sword, see below) canonically lesbian ellie, bisexual and jewish dina, trans lev, many more characters of color, you love to see it

listen this is just me being a lesbian talking but despite all the bad it’s just nice to play a canon lesbian with a girlfriend in a mainstream, non-rpg game, okay

the genuine portrayal of trauma, PTSD, and triggers. it was, uh, very hard hitting

JJ. the entire domestic scene at the farm. we’re ignoring the rest of the game, that’s where it ends, happy farm gays and their beautiful baby boy

....and the bad

the obvious one - joel’s death. i went into this game fairly sure he was going to die, but it was just so SOON and abrupt and really didn’t do the character justice. i’m extremely grateful we got to see more of him and ellie through flashbacks, but the literal entire purpose of his death was to traumatize ellie and that’s shitty. he was fridged.

i realize this is a very violent and traumatic game/franchise, and the more minority characters you have, the more likely they are to be victims of that violence. HOWEVER, you can’t help but notice when most of the minority characters are killed, mutilated, or repeatedly traumatized.

killed: jesse, yara, manny, nora, isaac (along with owen, mel, and joel)

mutilated: yara, ellie

repeatedly traumatized: ellie, lev, dina

i love to see a young trans character played by a trans actor, but it would also be nice if his story wasn’t like. entirely about being shunned and targeted bc he’s trans y’know

all of this begs the question of bad/subpar representation vs no representation at all and quite honestly i don’t have an answer to that

i said before that i appreciate the narrative and gameplay risk they took with having you play as abby as almost a deuteragonist, but i missed ellie, who this game was supposed to be about. 

FIGHTING ELLIE?? i died like 5 times bc i was sitting there screaming “i don’t WANT to hurt her??”

again, i appreciate The Point, that neither of them are inherently evil, but have been caught up in this cycle that has made them enemies of each other. ellie has gone down a dark path and lost her way. it was very effective naughty dog i get it okay pls don’t make me hurt my child again

i’m not entirely sure what the point of the seraphites was besides the aesthetic™ tbh

not that anyone’s complaining about the aesthetic™ tho

the whole santa barbara sequence felt. unnecessary and tacked on. again, i get it, ellie choosing to continue the cycle when she could have let it go, but i feel like that also could have been driven home with a little extra time in seattle

finally, the ending:

liked: that ellie didn’t kill abby. by the time we got to the final fight on the beach i very much didn’t want to kill her. the game proved its point. i just wanted her to get to a firefly base with lev and be safe, and break the cycle.

disliked: the seeming hopelessness of ellie’s story? they gave us a crumb with the fact that she was going to try and reconcile her relationship with joel before he was killed, and honestly, i don’t blame dina for leaving, but even a HINT that ellie was going to go find dina and make it up to her and hopefully settle down and have a loving life with her girlfriend and son and recover would have made it so much better. and i guess it could be open to interpretation, but leaving her guitar and all her artwork of her family doesn’t paint a pretty picture.

overall, i had a fun time playing it for the most part, but it’s left me feeling sad and mournful and hurting. which, again, might be the point. but if it is, i don’t like that point very much.

[mechecolomar-archive]

genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

[rotationalsymmetry]

In an attempt to not overload one single post: Feminism has been a major theme in fantasy and science fiction for longer than I have been alive. Identity politics have been part of geekdom for generations. I freaking learned feminism from science fiction and fantasy books.

Lack of representation, it’s not an anger thing. It’s not an offense thing. It’s a *hurt* thing. It’s an, “am I really a person?” thing. “Do I really exist?” Lack of representation isn’t, you know, something people get angry about? I mean, it is, but it takes a while to get to the anger. Before the anger, there’s “wait, am I really a person? Am I really who I think I am? Why don’t I see anyone like me?” And there’s the intersectionalities: I left out the queer aspects. I saw queer characters in my dragon books long before I saw them anywhere else, or knew any queer people in real life. I got my first queer *protagonists* in speculative fiction. Not only are not all geeks men, the geek men aren’t all *straight* either, and the geek women aren’t all straight, and sometimes nonbinary people find their representation in speculative fiction when it isn’t anywhere else. (Although that might be changing, so that’s pretty cool.)

There’s race: I used to think “fantasy racism” was a good way to explore the topic, you know, and...I mean it’s a way to explore bigotry in the abstract? But a lot of race issues is about specifics, and a lot of fantasy racism reinforces the idea that white people are normal and people of color are other. Most of the speculative fiction I’ve read has been heavily white with POC characters showing up as a small minority, often exotified/appropriative. The fantasy equivalent of the Chinese-American who grew up in LA and barely speaks two words of Chinese almost never gets seen. But, some speculative fiction books have an actually diverse cast (where white people aren’t the majority or always the protagonists) and some fantasy is based on a non-Western culture without being all weird about it. It can be done well. Religion is complicated: I’m not thrilled about how Brandon Sanderson handles religion in the Mistborn Trilogy for instance -- so many different religions, and they’re all basically just palette-swapped from the same “one god with one focus” template. Which kind of reinforces the idea that religions that aren’t Christianity are still basically Christianity, just a little different (and/or, just not true) whereas in the real world, what it means to be a religion varies a lot. (Some religions are a lot more tied to culture and/or geographic location, one deity/many/none, focused on faith vs focused on practice, etc.) And there’s sometimes anti-Semitism and/or Islamophobic stuff (Tolkien’s dwarves, C S Lewis’s Tash worshippers, Mercedes Lackey’s Karse.) OTOH fantasy can be a great source of inspiration and guidance for pagans, even fantasy that wasn’t written by pagans, and science fiction is often a home for atheists. There’s some Jewish influence in Star Trek: TOS although none of it is overt. TV shows in particular tend to have non-Christian Christmas equivalents, which again normalizes Christianity and downplays real religious diversity. Disability...dunno, I’m still pretty new at analyzing ableism. I know some books etc handle it really badly. Avatar: The Last Airbender and Legend of Korra do some interesting things with disability and disabled characters. There’s a widespread tendency across visual media but especially in superhero stories to use disfigurement to indicate villainy. More generally, the “outsider looking for a place to belong” trope comes up a LOT in speculative fiction, which can be a real magnet for people who are marginalized in all sorts of different ways. Look at Harry Potter: the magical/muggle dichotomy could be seen as an analogy for all sorts of different ways people are marginalized, minority cultures and being queer and being neuroatypical. The idea that geekdom is the natural habitat of people who are privileged on every nameable axis -- white, male, able-bodied, straight, non-immigrant, English-speaking, not a member of a minority religion, often middle class and affluent and well-educated -- and only those people by default, that’s just...so wrong. I mean, people who are very privileged do have a place in geekdom, but if that’s you, you gotta share, OK? Lots of other people find our home in geekdom and need that home as much as you do, if not more. Anyways: if you’re reading this and thinking “well, you’re preaching to the choir, but what do I do?” It starts with deliberately introducing more diversity into what you read (characters and authors), then into what you recommend to other people (including people who are privileged on axes where you’re marginalized.) What you write, if you write fanfic or original fic (but: sometimes bad representation is as much of a problem as lack of representation, so do some research.) The general advice for writers is to have beta readers of whatever marginalized identities you’re writing about when you’re writing about other communities -- in general, if *you* get paid a significant amount for your writing you should pay your beta readers, if not, swapping labor is fine. Sharing articles or posts about this stuff. Writing letters to publishers, TV producers, people who put on cons etc. I tried to write this and especially the other post to be accessible/not too offputting to people who aren’t already in the choir, so if you know someone like that who might be open-minded feel free to pass the post on. Thing is: yes, there are total assholes, but there’s also people who aren’t assholes who just, their worldview is missing something. Some people are persuadable. I think. (Other people can be shamed out of siding with the bigots; I’m not saying that the shame approach is wrong, but that works best on people who haven’t already staked a claim; for people who have and might get talked down, talking about feelings and appealing to empathy might be more effective than an “if you take this side, you’re a misogynist” approach. That’s not how *they* see themselves.) OTOH I’ve never actually been able to talk someone down on the gender front with the gentle approach, so idk. I’ve heard it’s doable though? One thing I’ve heard about that is, it does tend to be more effective when someone from a position of privilege is doing the talking. Men talking to other men about feminism. White people talking to other people about race. Basically: when you’re privileged, you should 1. read/listen to what marginalized people have to say and 2. pass that message on/amplify their voices to people who are privileged in the same way that you are. This is kind of counterintuitive: I know I’m a lot more motivated to talk about gender and sexual orientation (things that affect me) than about race or culture. It takes some intentionality to see onesself as part of a broader movement for inclusivity, and not just fighting for the things that affect you personally.

[sunflowerbloomss]

Hi! I've seen your post about Unorthodox. As a person who is not Jewish I wanted to search for opinions about this show here on tumblr to get to know different points of views, especially from Jewish people. Then I found your post and a few other posts. Many of them were criticising the show for using the "escape from the cult" trope. Yours was rather positive. Those people said that it's making Hasidic people look bad and that it's ignorant. What's your take on this?

hello!!! i actually have a lot to say about this so bear with me for a sec. my tl;dr is basically that the “escape from the cult” trope is always bound to showing “the cult” in the worst way possible, while on unorthodox the only person with bad motives from the community is moishe.

i’ll start by saying that the hasidic community they’re talking about is satmar, which is located in brooklyn and has many of the “rules” (for a lack of a better english word i know) that are presented in the series. they didn’t state the name in the series because they would sue their asses, but keep in mind that we’re talking about one of the most strict hasidic communities there are in the world. i am not as familiar with the subject as i would like to be, but i know names of a few hasidic communities and approximately how strict they are (though it’s complicated). satmar are known for leading a pretty strict way of life. when i told my mom i’m watching a show about a girl running away from satmar, she said “yeah, well, with them, the only way out is running of suicide”. (keep in mind that my mom really doesn’t like religion). so, generally - we’re talking about a very strict community that is known for being so strict.

now, to the series - i don’t think  they’re showing the community esty runs from to be a cult. i think that when we see esty “following the rules” she’s happy even after she runs she still loves her community. when things are not getting complicated for her - and even when they only start to - esty is still happy. she’s married and she has her family and she’s doing the things she loves. she realises she doesn’t belong there when she understands she has to give up the things she loves to do things she doesn’t love because “that’s the way it is”. when she gives up her piano lessons to go to this woman who tries to teach her how to have sex, when she forces herself to have sex even though she doesn’t want to, when she realises she has to live with yanky for the rest of her life even though she wants to go back to her grandmother’s house for a bit. this is where things start to get complicated for her - when she has to do the things she doesn’t want to do.

that’s when she decides to run. that’s when she thinks she can’t do this anymore, becuase she doesn’t like the idea of doing things simply because she must. now, here’s the time to stop and get back to reality again. i believe some of the criticism is about the fact that the series shows esty “having” to do things she doesn’t want to do to make hasidic communities look bad and sexist. i do not know personally someone who came from a hasidic communities (and frankly, i’m too lazy to google it) but i do know religious and haredi jewish people, and i’ll tell you this - from my personal experience and from many different people’s personal experiences, the more religious you are the more it’s okay for you to be sexist. this is a huge generalization, but i’ll say that orthodox jewish communities have a sexism problem (just like many other communities, yeah? i’m just saying that for our own discussion). i can talk a lot about sexism and judaism, but i’ll shorten this huge essay to this - ignoring the ways orthodox jewish communities use the bible and the rules of judaism to justify and amplify their oppression of women is also a problem. we don’t like to talk about it, because then we feel like we portray judaism as bad, but imo not talking about it or trying to soften it is unfair to every woman who gets beaten down by it. so i think showing the community pushing esty to have children and listen to her husband is not only okay but important. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about other good things that happen in religious communities, but if we decide to talk about orthodox judaism we have to talk about this. imo it was very well done.

anyway, back to the story - so esty decides to leave. and she doesn’t tell anyone about it, because she knows they wouldn’t let her go if she would. how does she know that? she sees how much they despise anyone who decides to leave. this is also something that is important to represent about hasidic communities (and also about any orthodox communities, the more religious they are the importance of representing it grows) - they don’t like it when people leave. sometimes it’s because they’re afraid some things that are secret about their community would get to other people who are not part of it and then the community would lose it secrecy (which can be both good and bad, if you’d ask me). once again i don’t know a lot of stories regarding different hasidic communities (and every one of them is so different so the stories would be different) but i know many stories of people from religious and haredi communities who told their family they don’t want to be religious anymore, and their family had abandoned them. my disclaimer is that there are in fact some stories about those who are still in great touch with their family, and that they visit on holidays and so, but there are many stories about people who end up losing their family because they didn’t want this type of life anymore and the family couldn’t agree to that. (there are also many stories like this about families disowning gay kids in the name of the bible, but that’s for a different show). so anyway - the community wanting esty back even though it’s clear that she doesn’t want to go back to them is not portraying them as a cult. it’s pretty realistic imo.

and hey, she never says that she ran because she hates them and that she wants “to take this cult down” (which is a very important thing in the “escape from the cult” trope). she said she left because “i didn’t fit in there”. she didn’t try to take with her anyone, she didn’t try to “save” anyone from her community. if this show had really taken the road of showing hasidic communities as a cult, esty would’ve tried to take her aunt and grandma with her. she didn’t.

another thing that is important is how the only person from the community who is supposed to be unlikeable all through the series is moishe. now, i have something to say about this. there is a chance it’s by chance, there is a chance it’s just because how this turned out, but moishe - the character we’re supposed to hate - is the only character from the community (who isn’t esty or her mom) which “enjoys” sins. we have him betting (forbidden), and even though i think it’s not forbidden we have him taking yanky to a strip clup with him, which isn’t something i believe the community would look at as happily. moishe, then, is a character that sins both in the religion and in morals. he scares esty and he breaks into her mom’s house, he constantly lies to yanky just because he wants to. looking at all the characters who stayed in the community, the only one the audience is supposed to dislike is moishe. we’re supposed to like yanky, because he just wants to bring esty back; we’re supposed to like the grandmother, because she feels bad that both her daughter and her granddaughter left the community; we’re supposed to like the aunt, because she cares so much about esty and she doesn’t really know what to do.

so, really, after all that, we’ve come to the conclusion that the community esty comes from is shown both positively and negatively. the criticism isn’t there just because the director wanted the viewer to hate everything esty came from - it’s there because it’s important to show the negative sides of strict communities. we’re only supposed to dislike one character - moishe - who is someone we probably should’ve disliked even in another show, at a different time. 

i do want to say something about yael, since she’s the only representation of secular judaism in this show and imo her character is fantastic. as i said on one of my posts - i hate her guts, but i love her character. she’s the representation of the secular judaism, and when we see her from esty’s pov we see just how many things she does are not to many people’s liking. when esty says “my parents lost their whole families in the holocaust” and she replies “so did half of israel” we can understand how for her it’s not as a big deal as it is to esty. she talks about hasidic people the way this series is blamed for showing them - “they’re nuts, the men study the torah every day and the women are baby machines”. if this series truly would’ve wanted to show this pov (which would think esty escaped a cult) we would conclude that yael is right. but she’s not, and it’s something we see a lot in the show.

this is long and this concludes to the point that i don’t think this show uses a trope of “escaping the cult”. it clearly has criticism about the hasidic community, which is pretty justified in my opinion, but it’s not seen as a cult. i would also like to mention that this series is based on a book by a woman who also left the satmar community. i haven’t read it so idk how accurate to her story the series is, but the themes are first and foremost introduced here by someone who actually lived there.

this was long and if you’ve actually read all of this i’m really happy!! i hope this is good enough of an answer. kinda messy and i probably forgot a few things, but my main point stands. i do get however why there are people who don’t like this show, but i personally think it’s very well done, so. yeah. that’s all

[slutforbroadway]

i have some thoughts about the prom movie casting

you can read it if you wish, or not. I just need to vent. Also feel free to like/reblog.

Some of these may be popular opinions, others may not be. These are just my thoughts and I’d be more than happy to have a (respectful) conversation about the casting choices they’ve made 😊

First I’m gonna start off with the fact that Ryan Murphy is directing this. I have mixed feelings. While I was absolutely obsessed with Glee growing up (it very much still is a guilty pleasure) and have watched some of his other shows (American Horror Stories, Scream Queens, etc), I do still have my worries. He isn’t necessarily famous for his outstanding wlw representation so I was kinda surprised when he jumped on this. Maybe this will be his redemption, I don’t know. He does seem to be worrying more about big names than getting actors who are true to the characters. And his lack of diversity in his casting has me worried. With that being said, lemme jump into the four broadway stars.

Meryl Streep as Dee Dee Allen. She was good in Mamma Mia, she was good in Into the Woods. She can definitely sing, I have no worries she’ll do this role well. I really wasn’t that surprised to find out she was doing Dee Dee. I’m excited to hear her sing “It’s Not About Me” and “The Lady’s Improving.” While of course I wish Beth Leavel could reprise her role in the movie, I do believe Meryl will do a great job.

James Corden as Barry Glickman. This one I have mixed feelings about. I have been a fan of James since his old BBC Show “Gavin and Stacey.” I loved him in Into the Woods and think he’s done an amazing job both times he’s hosted the Tony Awards. I do believe he could sing “Barry is Going to Prom” well and sound good, he is a strong singer. Here’s my issue. Barry is a gay Jewish man. Brooks Ashmanskas is a gay man (I’m not sure if he’s Jewish). James is neither of those things. He’s just a straight, cis-gender, white guy. In all honesty I believe he’ll probably do a good job, I just wish they had cast someone else (like idk maybe Brooks, just a thought) that wasn’t straight, white, and/or cis. One name I’ve seen thrown around that would’ve made a great Barry was Tituss Burgess, and he would’ve been great. He has the Broadway experience from The Little Mermaid and the screen experience from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Nicole Kidman as Angie Dickinson. This one I’m just kinda meh about. I don’t have a strong opinion one way or another. I know she can sing since she was in Moulin Rouge and did an amazing job. She has the look, and maybe I’m going crazy but I thought I saw an interview where Angie said she would be fine with Kidman playing her in the movie. Although now I can’t seem to find that article, so maybe I dreamt it. All in all, I think she’ll do okay. I’m just happy they still have Angie and Trent in the movie and aren’t writing them out like the book.

Andrew Rannells as Trent Oliver. This one I am super excited for. I think Andrew would make an amazing Trent. I am so excited to hear him sing “The Acceptance Song” and “Love Thy Neighbor” and depending on who they end up casting for Emma and Alyssa those two may be the only songs I listen to from the movie soundtrack lol. I think he’s really gonna do this character justice and I’m very happy they found a gay man to play this role. I just wish they would’ve done the same thing with Barry. I think Andrew and Meryl (depending on how she does) may be the saving grace of this movie.

Awkwafina as Ms. Sheldon. I can’t speak on this one too much seeming as how I know absolutely nothing about her. I haven’t watched anything she’s been in or listened to any of her music. I do know she’s at least been to see the show which I don’t know if anyone else that’s been cast has. I could be wrong though. I do think it’s cool that they’ve cast a female in this role though.

Keegan Michael Key as Principle Hawkins. This is another one I don’t have a super strong opinion on. I have no idea how he is singing wise, but Hawkins only has the one song. Which they better not cut, because I think it’s a beautiful song. I think it’ll be interesting seeing him interact with Meryl Streep, hopefully they have as strong of a chemistry as Michael and Beth did. This is one of those wait-and-see things for me.

When it comes to Emma and Alyssa.

Obviously I would love to see Caitlin and Izzy reprise their roles. The likelihood of that happening? Not very. If Murphy wants to cast a big name in this movie for Alyssa Greene, I personally think he should go for Zendya. She can sing, she’s been in movie musicals before, and she’s a woman of color. She also could pull off playing a teenager way more than Ariana Grande ever could. When it comes to casting Emma I think they should look to the Jimmy Awards, as there are huge sources of talent coming from them. And the people that compete in the Jimmy Awards are (or were, as some of them have obviously graduated by now) high schoolers and are musical theatre performers. Lord help us if Murphy ends up casting Taylor Swift. 

TL;DR Meryl should be fine. They should have cast Tituss Burgess for Barry. I have no opinions on Nicole. Andrew will be great. I know nothing about Awkwafina, and Keegan I have no strong opinion on. Thank Jesus Ariana isn’t playing Alyssa. While I want Caitlin and Izzy to reprise, Zendya is my choice for Alyssa and they should look for actual musical theatre people to play Emma. I have hopes, but I’m setting the bar low.

[hufflepuff-ish]

The Skam 11 questions tag (don’t quote me on this, I just wanted to give this a title lol)

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

Thank you @hufflepuffsh for tagging me babe x (lowkey would love to know your answers to my questions but don’t want you to be tagged twice lol)

1. Which remake/og sqaud do you think you would personally fit into the most? 

This is such a difficult question, oof. So I’m shy, but I’m also a good listener, and I try to be supportive of my friends, sometimes I’m more with myself between my own shell but I also like loosening up and having fun. I think because of that my answer is Skam NL’s squad (honesly maybe it’s just because I’m biased lol). They’re so accepting and loving, and I feel like their general energy is similar enough to mine (but way cooler), so I think they’d just accept me as I am and they would be easy for me to get along with.

2. What is your favourite remake and why? 

Skam NL. S2 was definitely a journey and I didn’t like all of its aspects, but I just love the dynamics between the characters, the aesthetics, the music choices, the cinematography, and the characters are probably the closest to my heart out of all the remakes.

3. What is objectively the best remake and why?

Probably Druck. They have great actors, they make changes but still keep the main issues of every season, their have great music choices, their social media team is great and that’s just what comes into mind.

4. Opinions on each of the girl squads? 

SKAM NL - where do I even start??? I love each one of them soooooooo much. I love them all together even more. I don't even need anything, just give me scenes of then together and I'll be thrilled. (GIVE US A THIRD SEASON). Each girl is really her own character and they definitely stand out to me when compared to the other remakes.

SKAM ITALIA - I have a complicated relationship the squad. I love them but it feels like I’m watching a group of college girl. Silvia isn't a character that I like too much, though the actress is cute. I like Eleonora, but that's pretty much it. My favorites are probably Eva and Federica (I relate a lot to Fede because of her looks). They have a good dynamic, though not as much as the Italian boy squad. They maybe feel a bit less close in my opinion. Also, the writers always make me feel like Federica is only there to give them information on stuff and make a joke here and there, so if they would have put more thought and effort into her character maybe it’d feel like the squad is more,,, real if you will.

DRUCK - hi, I'm controversial on main. I... don't really care for them as a squad?? They're cute but I don't feel much of a connection to them (as a squad), or to their friendships. No idea why. I do find them interesting as individual characters, though and seeing them happy at the end of s3 was great. I'm definitely excited for s4.

SKAM FRANCE - s4 ruined them for me. I liked Emma in s1, Manon was always nice in my opinion, Daphne was getting on my good side in s3, Alexia has always been one of my favorites in this remake, and Imane is absolutely great. Then their friendship got ruined. But, if I'll ignore s4, they were a squad that I enjoyed watching and I really felt like each girl had her own thing, and that they were more of a group of random girls brought together than the og squad.

SKAM AUSTIN - I honestly love them more than I realize. Their friendship has a lot of growing to do, but I loved the scene when Grace confessed to them about Daniel's brother. Within the squad I probably like Jo's relationships the most, partly because she's my fave and partly because she just has a really loving heart. The other girls aren’t may favorites out of all the remakes but they have a warm corner in my heart.

SKAM ESPANA - They’re my Spanish babies. I love them and they just seem like this cute and cool girl squad. They’re not perfect and there are definitely things to come, no matter who’ll be the main of s3, but they love each other a lot and I think that they’ll grow together as individuals. 

WTFOCK - I'm not the best person to talk about this remake because I missed like half of s1, but whatever. They remind me a bit more of the og squad, and I love the friendships between Hanna and Zoë, and Zoë and Yasmina. I don't really like Luka, I can't really explain why but she doesn't really feel as part of the squad to me, and Amber is just okay. 

5. Favourite hairstyle out of all the remakes? (this includes any hijab styles of the Sanas)

I love Cris with her hair in a low ponytail, and I love the half up hairstyle that Skam NL uses a lot. When it comes to hijabs, so far my favorite was Sana’ s in the og’s s4 when it was a bit loose under her chin because it really fit her well.

6. Who do you think from og/remakes would have a youtube channel and what would they post about? (not including hei briskeby or lucas rubio’s yt channel)

Liv could totally have a music youtube channel because I feel like that’s realistic to starting musicians these days.

I can see the Italian boy squad having a youtube channel where they post vlogs and pranks lmao.

Sam could totally have a beauty channel where she does hauls and stuff.

Basile would have a youtube channel for pranks and magic tricks (idk why but I can really imagine him doing magic tricks????? lmao)

7. Pick someone you think is underappreciated from og/remakes and explain why you think they should be appreciated more.

Hmmmmmm another difficult question. I’m going to ignore the fact that I’m only supposed to mention one character.

The balloon squad - they’re honestly the most refreshing Muslim representation that I’ve come across because they’re just this bunch of dudes who run a hilarious youtube channel and love to have a good time. I love them SO MUCH and I wish we got an Elias season so we could get to know them better. Highkey my favorite boys from og Skam.

Federica - I probably talked about it enough times but she’s so underappreciated. The actress (Martina) is gorgeous and Federica is a ray of sunshine that the fandom tends to ignore. Also, I want to know how she knows so much about almost everything that’s happening in their school.

Shay - She’s definitely the most underrates Isak. Hopefully s3 will happen and she’ll be the main, so she’ll be more appreciated. Personally, I’m on the fence about how I feel about Shay, but I would watch the hell out of her season and getting more music from her, Marlon and Tyler would be amazing!

8. Favourite outfit/clothing item?

Isa’s green scarf, and honestly, any scarf/coat that the og girl squad wore because they always seemed fluffy, warm, comfortable and had pretty pastel colors.

9. Which character do you think is most similar to you?

Physically, it’s definitley Federica in terms of height and her and Hanna in terms of body size. Aside from that, the characters that I feel I'm most like are Hanna, Martino and s1 og Eva. The three of them are pretty simple, dare I say “””boring”””, and that’s how I see myself, lol. Also, Martino has this keeping things to himself things that he does and I relate to the hell out of that. Hanna has a really soft and nice vibe, which I think can be said about me haha.

10. Do you like the Eva season (season 1)?

Yes! The more remakes I started watching, the more I realized that I actually really like s1 because we get to see the girls becoming friends, and there are a lot of iconic scenes in s1 (Noora dragging William, the girl squad fighting with Chris’ girlfriend) and I learned to appreciate Eva’s journey to becoming her own person.

11. (Insert your own question that you’d like to answer!) Which representation do you think Skam should show other than the existing ones?

I don’t remember if I ever posted about this, but I would LOVE to see a Jewish character in one of the remakes. I think this idea can have so much potential (and I’m part Jewish so I’m biased) because there are really interesting things that could be discussed and shown - anti-Semitism from what I know is becoming more popular again and I’m always waiting to see if one of the remakes (especially Skam France, Skam Austin and Druck) will discuss it, and a Jewish character could have a really interesting relationships with the Sana character and they could have great conversations about the expectation from them and that judgement they get from people inside and outside of their religion.

My 11 questions:

If you could create an ultimate girl squad, who out of the skam universe would be in it and why?

If you could change one thing in each remake, what would it be?

What is one plotline that you wish to see in a remake of your choice? (go wild lol)

Which side character would you want to have their own season?

What do you wish the fandom would appreciate more in each remake? (could be a season, a character, a scene, anything)

If you could create a crossover between the og/one of the remakes and a movie/tv series/book, what would it be?

A crack ship that you wish would happen?

Is there a character that is very different from you/you never thought you would like, but you ended up loving?

What is your favorite friendship? 

Do you read any og/remakes fanfiction and if so, do you have any favorite fanfictions?

Would you have preferred if Skam worked a bit more like Skins did, in terms of every character gets a full episode from their pov instead of an entire season?

I’m tagging: @lonelyfridays , @matteohnah, @feelinsorad, @amystylezz, @eliottlallemant, @xxviii-xi-mcmxcviii, @lil-milkovich, @spockhasfeelingstoo, @miaundalex, @pampammmxum, @vnesshudgens, @promisethestraz but of course only if you want to and if anyone who’s not tagged wants to answer these consider yourself tagged!

[woollenpharaohs]

i tried watching eighth grade and tbh i hated it. it caused me so much second-hand embarressment and anxiety. also i thought there was meant to be some kind of lgbt theme to it but friend lied to me. there wasn’t a single gay. can’t believe she queerbaited me like this. more russian sex friend thoughts under the cut 

anyway i think it was really important for her to show me this because the daughter/father relationship in the film was actually really good and wholesome. like it was the only good part of the film for me tbh but yeah i think maybe she liked the film a lot more integrally because of that portrayal, esp since her irl relationship with her dad is shit. like he’s such an asshole, i cannot believe the way he treats her, so i think she was really warmed by seeing such a healthy parental relationship. and it’s great that a film can give that to her, but yeah idk the entire film i was YeLLING because yeah so much of it just hit so close to home. i was also a loner and awkward af and it was just Too Real lmaoooo thank fuck instagram/vlogging wasn’t a thing when i was growing up eeek. i guess how real it was is part of what made it a good film but idk i think i would’ve turned it off if someone wasn’t showing it to me. she told me it was a comedy. A COMEDY. 

anyway dark thoughts now, i’m not always so sure if i even like russian sex friend lmao. she’s super exciteable which i think i find really attractive in people? but it doesn’t mean she necessarily listens to me or like is responsive to people other than herself.... also she never says ‘please’ which i think is really weird lmao she says thank you but not please it’s odd anyway, this is so rambly and more of a personal note for me to reflect back on because maybe one day i’ll realise that being good friends with her is not a good idea. but like this one time our mutual friend was feeling like she was being too clingy to him and she asked her if they could tone down how often she wanted to see him (like more than once a week is what she was trying to go for, outside of uni) and she came to me in absolute tears and like ofc it’s not nice to be told by someone that they want to see you less but she took it as if he didn’t want to be friends with her at all anymore and idkkk it often feels like it’s one extreme or the other with her? like there’s no middleground... you’re either best of friends or you don’t talk at all and idk that’s scary... like maybe this is my own insecurities about making mistakes and wanting to be forgiven coming through but it does seem unforgiving to be so firm on things like that. idk i guess it’s like an emotional safeguard thing, so severing someone completely would mean she doesn’t have to interact with the pain that that person gives her?

and idk i was thinking about when we were watching the film i brought, after eighth grade. i brought kissing jessica stein because i thought that she would like the bisexual representation (us both being bisexuals) and connect with the jewish family and how the mother was so supportive of jessica’s relationship with helen. but like she barely paid attention which is fine because i didn’t mind pausing to talk about other things but yeah i just felt like i paid attention to something that she really liked and she didn’t really do it for me? idk if it was because it was later on in the night (although it was only 7pm) and she was tired/hungry/getting distracted because her boyfriend came home. like that’s all really understandable... it was just like.. idk i guess i was just bothered by the fact that she wasn’t being patient with the film when it’s not even like... it’s a romantic comedy? it’s not even high art house or something which does require an open mind and forgiveness for how slow those kind of films can be. so i was kinda irked by how she kept saying, jessica just fuck her already, are they gonna have sex? have they had sex yet? etc etc like yeah, true, (like it’s kind of a point of the film that it takes such a long time for them to fuck) but also just like understand the emotional nuances being shown and idk idk i’m definitely over thinking this a heck tonne but i was thinking more about how quick she was to jump to that conclusion of the two characters having sex as a kind of thing that should happen early on in the film and then also how quick she was to dump our once-mutual friend and it’s like on the one hand she won’t allow for emotional negotiations especially if it does not fit with what she sees is right and on the other hand she also is not patient with the process at all? 

and like this is actually something she’s had problems with in her previous relationships and idk maybe i’m just connecting two random dots here but it seems to be making some form of sense. and yeah all of this discomfort of not just enjoying liking similar pieces of media as her but really paying attention to her way of being when i’m around her is all worsened by the fact that my own partner strongly dislikes her and always speaks about her in a derisive tone whenever i bring her up. like i’ve just learned that i don’t say anything about her to him or i just keep it light and then i don’t get so bogged down by his negative perception of her so i can enjoy the time i do spend with her. but yeah what he thinks of her is always in the back of my head and also how fucking devastated she was when mutual friend wanted to reduce contact with her and idk. it’s just like... i expect it’s going to happen at some point because i’m going to be moving out of sydney when i finish my degree and i’ll maybe not see her again/once a year depending on how far i live from sydney so like idk i think it’s going to work out? but yeah idk it’s a weird thing feeling like i Could Accidentally break her heart if i say or do the wrong thing like. has she intentionally laid unspoken traps around me/people in her life such that pursuing her happiness over my own is something that is normal in her world? is this emotional abuse? idek

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

If i had to pick an American Cookie that can be bought in the store today, hands down it would be this one.

Living in New Mexico for 20 years, i rarely see a black person. I can go 785 days without seeing an African American. Because i have.

So, it's shocking to go to Arkansas or even Oklahoma and see large groups of Black People and i stare. I don't forget they exist due to the internet.. But I never see them so it's like visiting Mount Rushmore or the Grand Canyon. Its this natural amazing marvel. And I just stare usually with my jaw dropped like some social retard. Which I'm not typically. And Hey -- I'm not the only New Mexican that does that shit. We simply have a serious minority of African Americans here. I understand places like Mississippi don't think they're a minority. But if i can leave my house every day and not see a African American, then you're a minority. Just as in higher areas of African American Domination, i like to call it, there isn't many Latina or Hispanic or Mexicans as there are here. In Mississippi, they're a minority and here they're all "bitch we rule this shit! We own New Mexico!"

So due to actual minority being true of African Americans (in the 90s i picked it because it was always claimed officially so I just accepted as NYC is a huge vast mix of all kinds of culture. I figured they actually went out and counted them. But i wanted to explain to those whom don't travel and don't experience life in other places in the United States.

So in the 90s the Harringtons and I and as he preferred to be called, Captain Negro, his super hero name. Captain Negro del ela Ponte if you wanted to get legal about it. Decided to pick an "American Cookie" we could easily purchase for Sunday nights. And of course it had to be absolutely perfect.

"Taste Great but Look the Part as Touched by a negros heart and soul" said Captain Negroponte as I called him or Captain Negro Party or Captain Negro Parte especially when i didn't know how to explain something.

I tell you. I've always been smart. Miss Leena always hides and plays dumb and just tells history. But to compare and contrast and make analogies i truly learned from this man whom was my English Compilation Teacher, a True Super Hero.

For the cookie experiment. I talked to Miss Leena but she wouldn't explain. She just gave me the type of cookie and told me I would know what to do.

William Harrington said, "I dont know to me a cookie is just a cookie and my wife makes them great!"

And Willingima. we called her, Harrington, at the (jokingly) threat of our own lives said she did not know either she just had to bake she had said as when quietly embroidered under the table a gift for the Captain Hero's family.

So he came over and we told him and his eyes lit up and he was bouncing around with excitement at the table. "So the cookies are.... But I sure don't know how to explain anything but the chocolate"

"Okay explain me"

I did

"And these are just regular old fashioned chocolate chip, not chocolate on chocolate dough or white chocolate chip?"

"I could ask miss leena but im sure it's the old fashioned."

"Lets call her"

She said that the Chocolate dough (black/dark brown dough) with white chocolate chips would be An African cookie -- for their culture here in America and in actually Africa.

So we were all at the phone all listening in, the phone turned all the way up. Now this is the 90s wall phone no speaker phone ability.

So Captain Negroponte told me back at the table, "so you know the old fashioned. Idk why she wouldn't explain the chocolate on chocolate because of the two different browns. But you know I'll stay out of it. I think i do know the sugar but let me just check. What did she say on the phone to you when she called?"

"Well she called just out of the blue. Asked for Sabrina and i thought she was asleep and so i said she was as she hadn't came down (stairs -- our bedrooms were up and i was just living there For the summer or however long until i had to go back to work into the city i moved out October 9, 1991 due to riots in Brooklyn because i had to go help as i spoke about this last week. Officially moved in July 4th of the same year) and she said and i quote "well just tell sabrina this, that i called and she needs to do a cookie experiment. A white old fashioned cookie of chocolate chip flavor and a sugar cookie. She should know what to do with all of your help" she sounded old and she said her husband wasn't home and she was just resting. So i said "well ill let you go" and she said no and wanted to know all about our enterprise feeding the Street neighborhood kids and asked about money and she said "well Sabrina can help" do you -- do you have money? I sure am tired of eating hot dogs myself. This is getting expensive! I mean for us"

I replied "i do have some... Ill talk to Steve to see what we should do and how much and the best way to go about this"

"No now you seem nervous and she said you have a lot"

"Billions" she said the same time I said "millions"

"And you said some.. You said what? What you got now hon?"

"You said I'm a billionaire and i wouldn't ever lie to anyone but Steve explained to me, hes my lawyer, he said that i needed not to explain how rich i am but if someone needed money I'm to say i only have one million dollars and that is it. And i said "but that is a lie!" And he said "but no it is not not when I'm not allowing you to give out more than thousands without my approval" and i was mad!!! But in the end i saw what Steve said i should see. Its dangerous to advertise how rich i am"

"Bull shit! We probably have the richest girl in the world here sitting at our table and im telling her to penny pinch! Babe! We're having steaks next week! Put that on the list!"

"I'll pay you guys all back!"

"No!" "No!" "No!"

"No. Yes i mean i know you all did it from the goodness of your hearts but you shouldn't suffer. And i didn't realize that you were. I mean i thought you just wanted to eat hot dogs. I didn't know there was any difference"

"Blah!"

"So what I'll do. Because Steve said I'm allowed up to thousands and you're still in hundreds last i checked. $991 for the last three weeks for the entire house budget. So I'll at least double that and give Captain Nero the same. For the time y'all have spent working and then what i meant i would have to talk to Steve is that I would have to design a plan for the future. What he's talked about is supplying a credit card with a limit capable of exceeding the design purchases. So like if you need $900,000 a month then the credit card would allow $1 million. That's what hes explained to me. Then he would supply 12 blank checks for the year then all you would do is call the number on the back of the card once monthly to find out the balance and get the address, write the check and then mail it to the credit card company. Easy as that. He would get the bills to look over to see you're not scamming me. Then he can stop payment on the rest of the checks if you are and cancel the card. That goes for everyone. So for this i think that is what he would pick. It sounds simple. Of course, I don't pay bills or anything like that. Steve always handles it for me. But I'll still have to talk to Steve to get that program under way. And I'll make sure he pays you and you and of course you for past supplies and your time"

So they agreed to the extra payment but wanted to do work free. Mrs Harrington got $15 per day for taking care of me. And still does although she doesn't take care of me anymore, her influence still lives within me and is what made me who I truly am today.

If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't ever asked criminals how they wanted their ending to be. I would have ripped them off the streets and tortured them one by one ripping off pieces of their body while injected with a chemical that made them highly alert and aware of what was happening. For 6 years and 600 days. Them never knowing when it would be the day to lose something they deemed important.

Instead of dungeons and torture chambers, they have a chance at luxury and happiness.

Those asking for death instead have a right to live in peace and make their amends and do as they need. The miserable are killed first to stop their pain and suffering. 72 wanted vacation before. They got that.

If it wasn't for the Harringtons and Captain Negro, never would that occurred.

They saved a wretch like me and in turn, I saved those worst than me. As Jesus would. She taught me all about the belief of Jesus and who they believed he was

Over Captain Harrington's right shoulder was a cross with me looking down or asleep. They eyes were closed. I felt it was the most accurate representation of me. It even had lumps on it's chest. And I always felt so much responsibility. She believed the Unorthodox Jewish ways with a Catholic overcoat. She was non-religious before marriage so she had a mix of views and dabble in all spirits of religion. Also, the occult.

So when her cheeks were pink and her bright blue eyes lit up, and she told me about Jesus. I always prayed to the Lord in Hevaen that I would live up to her expectations.

And often I would look at that cross and feel the thorns cutting into my forehead. "I hope we can do it. Change the world as expected" I would say.

There were times i would take it off the wall "i feel Jesus should watch some T.V., too" i didn't want to say who i was. Mrs Harrington thought i felt that crown of thorns because Jesus was telling me that i knew things and i should act. Of course I didn't really know who I was, either, at first. Mommy thought it was too much but Daddy told me and said I should keep it secret. But I could tell who or what I want. So I decided to honor mommy and not say. But incorporate Jesus since he was such a big part of Catholicism and decor in the house, daddy said that would make Jesus alive in the house and keep my secret. But allow my full powers to bloom.

And it worked.

So Captain Negroponte said that day that he kept getting questions from one particular kid as tall as me about White Supremacy and how his family taught him that all white people were bad and "only play with nigger kids" so he was certain he knew how to explain the white sugar cookie as long as i could do "the chocolate chip without fail then it would all be good and life would be perfect for this particular child"

"I can. I know just what to do. It will be perfect"

"Okay don't tell me. I dont want to hear until that day"

So he left with a bounce and his eyes glittery. His soul full of tears for this young man, looking back where he left all his hope and faith, walked down the short dark hall and into the sunlight of a cool brisk Saturday afternoon.

"Hey now i might need some help. I know i need to show the white dough and then how it tans when baked. I got that talking to her on the phone"

"Well she didn't say --"

"She said Bake. And i was transformed back into her kitchen and had a white plastic bowl which i put into the oven -- it was empty and out it came a clay not crystal like ours but ceramic Brown bowl with the white inside. So i know what to say about White people tanning to make 2 races so we all have to support the black"

"You you get!! So not all white people are the same!!! Good good!!"

"Shew! Thank you! So I was at the kitchen in the sink.. I mean -- i said that backwards -- so anyway I'm in the kitchen and i see the silver sink and the bowl appears before my eyes and suddenly im holding it in my hands and i went to hand the phone to you as i tried to hand the bowl to her in my standing hands and she didn't sound old like she did in the phone, she sounded very young and sing song. And she said "no the children" so what we have to do is give the bowl to each of the children and let them mix it themselves. That will help white supremacy in however that means. So then the black kids all add the chocolate chips. And then when we bake. That will represent the Muslims that i used to help when in was younger and who framed me to be as i am today. But the kids don't all know that so it will represent all the darker but lighter skin than black you know like Puerto Riccans and Vietnamese and Chinese and all those sorts of people and how the African Americans have inserted their "language" into us to make the world such an amazing place. Without them we wouldn't be the cookie we are today here in 1991. Isn't that right, Jesus?"

"Oh don't look at him so harsh. What do you need me to do?"

"Bake the cookies. At the start we will mix then he will tell a story then we will do the baking. We can do two days in a row or we can help you here in the kitchen. Megan and i can take turns like we always do and so if we wanted to spread the word for two weeks since its getting so cold, we can start in the afternoon instead of dusk. And do the two different cookies the same time -- No i mean in the ssme day"

"Okay that could work. We will just let Captain Nero know and I'm sure he could come up with two great stories to pass the time. And you will pay?"

"Oh yes. Yes of course. And when I talk to Steve I'll ensure Miss Harriet Tubman is getting her cut although she always paid on her own and said she was on solid woman and could make it doing all she pleased, her husband is still working. But he's a police sergeant so I know its not for money. But she could buy her something nice with his pension."

"Pension?"

"Oh he has two. He works a lot. One thinks she's like 80 and the other 102 or 103 i think it is. So one will be cut surely i assume. She said she doesn't think she can make it to 120 without them getting onto her"

"And his paycheck?"

"Oh he donates it to science. They own their own trailer and car and BBQ"

"BBQ?"

"BBQ Grill. Of course though if i gave her money she would probably just clothes the whole entire neighborhood. I'll ask Steve if thats what she wants or that i could do. She said that was the only thing she had left in life to apply for. I guess she always knew i had money thats why she gave me the evil eye. She always provides them gloves in the winter -- except she buys them in the summer when they're cheaper and puts them in a box to save them till it gets cold again. I tell you. She is smart. So about these sugar cookies. I sure hope it works. It seems the opposite of what we set out to do. All white with beautiful crystals on top. She said to make them look so worthwhile and be as perfect as possible..."

So while the White Supremacist cookie is after all just a cookie that we used to explain to a child that was deeply courageous to learn more and actually educated his parents and they hugged me with forgiveness, myself being white.

I have explained the example. And to further educate, the Sugar Cookie in all other reality when not used for a demonstrations, is just a cookie we bake when we have no other additives.

But as Captain Negro (you may call him Captain Nero as Mrs Harrington would as she refused to "see" any color other than the colors of the rainbow") explained we should always try to find something good to add to something that is empty of extras. Be it fruit from like the Garden of Eden or be it nuts or seeds like Big Bird from Sesame Street, prefers, we should always fill our life and our cookies with as much goodness as possible. But some days, he said, some days its okay to have just a plain ole bit of sugar. As long as it's full of love and not hate.

So please do enjoy your plain white sugar cookies that are made with love. Black Panthers nor "all" white people do not encourage prejudice -- even if it's just against a cookie.

God bless us.

So we picked for our "American Cookie" the cookie below: because of the way it looks and the way it tastes. I encourage you to buy some today. As you can see the chocolate chips are hidden just as African American Heritage is hidden. And when we take a bite a beautiful explosion of chocolate erupts and elivenes our spirits.

And to top the cookie off, all of this occurs inside. Hidden away. Just like our souls are.

Thank you for listening. If these people could touch you just one percent how much they changed my life and gave me love and education and pride and so much faith in other people. Then you will be so better off

I hope you allow them to touch your souls.

Now here is the cookie you all have been waiting for:

We would laugh. And call it the "Soft Bitch" we may be going hard and fighting loud but we always have time for a tear, a hand to hold, a face to hug.

Because this is The United States of America. And she ain't all that bad. Not her citizens. Her government. Yes. But her citizens are blessed by her rich history of which she had no control over.

The American Cookie. A brown cookie, like a white person tans with perfect pieces of Black African American heart and soul baked in. Cookies of the United States of America. I always called them "American Cookies" We even had kids sit and mix up chocolate chip dough from scratch, each child getting to mix and have an ingredient added while they mixed. They all got to see the raw dough was White. Then They were baked with love by Momma Harrington and they came out tan. Like white people do in the sun. So they could see for certain how the African American were and are in the souls and minds of white people. And how without the African American pieces of love they were not complete. To prove this we made cookies without the chips and they were bland. "But What about White Supremacy? Because that was just America without us. But What about how they think?" I was asked. "I guess we could try Sugar Cookies then and see what happens. So we made beautiful sugar cookies with sugar crystals on top. Thank God our Black Panther Leader knew the words because i was at a loss.

"We all mixed and made those cookies. We saw what was in them! Sugar! We made them appeasing to the eye and different looking and more special looking than an old Chocolate Chip with those crystals. But those crystals?!? They ain't nothing. We got them in chocolate chip and that is all they put in the White Mass cookies. Then we sprinkled a little on top to make them look clean and beautiful like a real treasure. But the Treasure is Truth!!! They're missing the real thing! Sure they look beautiful especially in the sun, the crystals reflecting the lights all over but those crystals are Blinding us to the Truth!!! They are all a fraud!! But go ahead, eat them. I would too. White supremacist and all. Now let's growl!!"

Reminder Established in 1991:

Miss Leena has a different fund called ""Harriet Tubman's Self Worth Working Still Today" and she has 778 users of my funds whom also feed the people of their neighborhood and streets. They do collard greens, steak and potatoes soup daily. Saturday and Sunday add hot dogs and Sunday Morning they do their African American Heritage Stories. Of course 68% are certified Black Panthers as well but no one has to pledge to an organization to feed children with love m they just follow their hearts.

The account labeled "Black Panther Food Allocation - For the Street Kids" 962 people across the globe do this on their personal streets nightly. Feed kids collard greens, hot dogs and/or hamburgers (with cheese and iceberg lettuce, tomato, onions, relish and so on). And on Sundays tell the stories of Black American Leaders that intended to destroy prejudice and mistreatment and succeeded and the listeners all get cookies.

Of course I bought the secret Cookie to represent our Nation. The United States of America.

The United States was founded officially on July 4, 1776.

Due to this i requested our policy be to employ no more than 77% of African American and no less than 76% the remaining percent be of at least 4 different shades of white.

We start at $18 per hour as that is the adult age in the USA to represent freedom. We employ 2020 in each factory setting arena.

Then we changed the recipe, to take out the lumps. To promise a better and smoother future for all.

The Original cookie to represent the past is gone is pictured on the box as well as an elf. It is not misrepresentation of what is inside, unless you expected to find an elf as well. In no way is there any identifying words that says that is the what the cookie looks like inside. But it is the Original cookie artwork packaging as i bought it in 1991.

We have been sued over the artwork not representing the contents. Once i sued myself and won. I got good game. Y'all. Persuaded everyone to see it my way! It was a mock trial. And so it was to prepare for a real trial which did occur and we did win. We simply told the truth of our packaging and said we were not ready to reveal it. It was 2007 and we hadn't done a full reveal since 1991 and so why not leave us alone as we couldn't promise the change?!?!

We did word of mouth and some soft T.V. programming to indicate it. But never The full storey as I have today in pulic.

So again here is the Original cookie it did actually look like but did crumble more -- we kept that chocolate chip explosion. But bake them twice to have an outer coating of smoothness.