#And also I really wanted to order more cheese-sticks

[velvethopewrites]

Cheap Eats

you read your poems to us (to me)

in a cheap restaurant

over mozzarella sticks and potato skins

and I couldn’t help but wonder -

why the truth is so often not what we really want

when we want it

and why

after you were finished you looked away, out the window

the sadness of your smile haunting your reflection

and our greasy fingers barely touched

under the table

but it was enough

in that moment at this time

for a connection to be forged and then, of course

as always

forgotten

like the long-gone cold food that held only taste

and no sustenance.

[shegetsburned]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐣𝐤 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | part ii ‧₊˚ 𓐐⋅

• — ft. shiu kong. kinji hakari. choso kamo. atsuya kusakabe. hiromi higuruma.

bon appétit !! @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐮 𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐠

so i think this man loves to try new dishes and makes you try new things with him with a giant grin on his face.

normally he’d take you to fancy restaurants, but this time he wanted to do something just the two of you in a calmer place.

hates for you to do anything so he’ll insist on doing everything himself so that you could relax while he cooks.

he already had an idea as soon as you guys agreed on doing this. and you can be sure as hell it involves cheese. man adores cheese, so if you do too, you’ll be served.

this time, just for you, he went out himself on his day off and bought the runniest cheese you’ve ever seen in your life. we all know these are just the best kinds.

this afternoon, you were served a burrata. it’s a soft, white, cow’s milk cheese made from mozzarella and cream. hard on the outside but filled with stracciatella on the inside which is more creamy. served with candied cherry tomato with a piece of buttered and grilled bread.

as you take a bite of the cheese he admires every expression of yours and a warm laugh echoes through the room when you show how tasteful it is.

𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐢

honestly, i’m thinking fast food or something.

or maybe just take-outs but in an expensive asf place.

i feel like he loves food but prefers ordering instead of cooking. he finds cooking boring and we know how much this man hates boring stuff.

will buy you whatever the hell you want, doesn't slightly care how much you want to eat, he'd buy the whole restaurant if he could.

you can get whatever you want, there is no way you can be disappointed with the meal. in a way, he ensures you’ll eat something you like by letting you choose what you want, which certainly satisfies him.

also prefers to stay cozily at home with you to eat than actually go out. so expensive take-outs it is. you don’t even have to lift your butt off the seat. it’ll all come to you.

you’ll get your favorite meal and he won’t hesitate a second to buy it for you. might seem boring but he really would buy you anything you want and silently watch you hum with pleasure every time you take a bite of that dish. your happiness is what matters.

𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐨

i have a feeling he has no idea what humans prefer to eat in this day and age so he’d do a thorough internet research to know what you’ll undoubtedly like.

“what is the most liked dish in the world?” “what do humans prefer to eat the most?” “how do i cook chicken?” “what’s the easiest, but best dish to make?”

all of this research would make him think it’s either spaghetti or pizza. and he’ll choose spaghetti, because of you know which flashback with his little bros.

sticks his tongue out while he’s preparing your meal, trying to get every portion down to the tiniest milligram right. he wants it to be perfect. and he probably thinks it’ll ruin the whole dinner if the portions aren’t right.

i’m thinking of carbonara pasta. you know the real version using eggs and pecorino with a touch of lardons.

once you take the first bite, he stares at you, patiently waiting for any sign of distaste or displeasure. there’s no way he botched it. everything is right down to the tiniest detail. and he can tell he’s done it when you quickly finish your plate and ask for more. there’s nothing making him happier.

𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐛𝐞

he’s big on fishing so i’m thinking one of the fish he caught. his favourite.

something simple but still good and he’d find the freshest and best ingredients for you.

he’s been fishing for a long time and has acquired enough knowledge and skills to know which ingredients are best served which certain types of fish. you definitely won’t be disappointed.

will prepare everything in advance, removing the pin bones in advance and every part that isn’t edible. he does it just to be sure it’ll be ready for when you’re here. also, he knows it’s way safer that way, knowing he won’t be rushing to cook it later.

man does not want to mess this up and has never worked so hard to make a perfect meal, brows connecting as he works his tired ass off. he cannot mess this up considering you’ll be the one eating it.

how about braised alfonsino/kinmedai with some rice and avocado on the side? all gently simmered in a flavorful sauce made of soy sauce, sake, mirin and ginger.

he exhales abnormally loud as soon as you finally show a smile after having a taste. all the pressure now off of his shoulders. you don’t know how glad this man is that you enjoy the fish he personally caught for you. i know he’ll now think of you every time he goes out fishing, wondering which fish you’d like most.

𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐚

i just know in my heart, or at least believe, that he’s distinguished and the meal will cost him a fortune.

only the best and most expensive ingredients for you, dear.

don’t be surprised if you come back to a candlelight dinner prepared by your one and only, while he sips the most delicate wine, waiting for you.

by the way, he knows so much about wine and beverages. he knows exactly what you like and what would be a perfect mixture with the meal he prepared.

also when he cooks he likes to take his time, preparing the meal with love and attention knowing it’ll be for his one and only.

so for him, i’m thinking of seafood. he’ll serve you flamed cornish lobster with a yakitori marinade and a ponzu mayonnaise. there’ll be a garnish made of sliced radishes and nori strips. the presentation leaves you baffled. it looks like it came straight out of a five-star restaurant. it smells absolutely divine and you can’t expect less from this man.

when you start digging in, he can’t help but smile while he looks at you with tenderness and love. if he could, he’d look at you through the whole dinner and watch you enjoy that delicious meal he prepared.

© shegetsburned 2024. Please do not repost/edit/or claim my writing as your own.

[cartierdreamx]

THE LAST SLICE

good morning my sweet babies! hope your weekend is going more than incredible, just a short, sweet one shot i thought of when i randomly have the urge to write, hope you enjoy!! J <333

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader

Warnings: angst (? like if you read in between the lines😭), swearing, it’s really just fluff LMFAO.

Summary: jenna wanted a sign. 

Words: 2k+

This fic includes no NSFW themes, but my blog does have a minors DNI rule! you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment, which this fic falls under. thank you!

~~

“You gotta be faster than that, Ortega.” You tease, sticking your tongue out as you take the last pizza slice, Jenna’s hand narrowly missing the food she had craved the most the entire morning, she knew the crew was going to order pizza for everyone just after the ‘cut’ was called for lunch to commence. But pizza being pizza, it was a war to get to the slices, unfortunately you and Jenna would be one of the last ones to get to the buffet table having need to debrief with each other, the director, and the producer about the scene. Luckily today, debrief was quick and the cheese with carefully placed pepperoni all over creating little pools of grease called out something, your name.

“I’m gonna kill you, l/n.” A stern brunette darts her eyes up at your as you take a bite, a bite so comedically insane she was so sure you were mocking her, to be fair, you are. “Oh, I hate you.”

“Mhmhm, I call bluff, you’re not going to kill me,” you roll your eyes, taking yet another sweet bite, killing Jenna just a bit more, “and plus, you love me.”

“No, I don’t.” Jenna was quick to shut the statement down, mostly to change the subject because she didn’t want to give you two wins today. You knew she loves you, you love her too, except the only difference is, she only reciprocated platonic feelings. It was an accident, but sometimes the best things come from accidents, falling for her was an accident, not a mistake, well you hope it isn’t a mistake.

By now, you were used to the daily making out with random actors and actresses, most roles you booked had a love story in it and you were a main love interest every time, what can you say, your charms hypnotised the world.

But there was a certain charm that washed over you, her, Jenna’s gaze was something, her heart was everything. She was, she is, your everything. To this day, you steal every look you can and when she catches you, a soft blush always surfaced its way to your cheeks, which only made her laugh. You promised yourself you wouldn’t fall for America’s sweetheart but it’s a whole lot easier breaking self-promises, and you also promised yourself, no matter what your delusions would tell you, she doesn’t have feelings for you back.

“Mhmh, you held the kiss longer than you were supposed to.” You retort, teasing her and only slightly flirting with her, making sure she doesn’t read into it.

She scoffs and playfully punches your arm, “BUT YOU DIDN’T BREAK AWAY!”

You play a sly grin, making her giggle a bit, “I didn’t hear cut.” You shrug. And before she could come up with a quirky comeback, your moment was slightly ruined by the producer’s son who has been shadowing his dad for the past few weeks and unfortunately for you, he was quick to pine over Jenna, who wouldn’t? The world’s pining over her, you’re pining over her, it’s no surprise he is too.

It’s no lie he made you jealous, not that you wanted any of his features or his personality, actually you think his personality is quite cheesy, he made you jealous because in your eyes, in your mind, Jenna was pinning over him too, you wanted her to pine over you, wanted her to want you the way he does, the way you do.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but can I steal Jenna away for a second.” He asks, she smiles, see, it was that damn nature of his that made her smile, that damn nature of his that you curse, although it wasn’t fair for you to dislike the guy for this very reason, it was your nature to wallow in angst every time they were together.

“You could steal me anytime, Idrys.” She giggles, making you die inside even more. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, just smiling and nodding at him, giving him the ‘okay.’ As he whisks her away, your eye stays locked on them, mostly locked on Jenna, watching her every move, jealousy brewing from your stomach seeping its way to your heart.

The delectable pizza was just a cold mush to you now, nothing about it was desirable to you anymore, that sinking feeling got to you, you toss the rest of your slice in the bin, but what you saw next made you even more sick, your eyes relayed the sight of Idrys towering over Jenna whilst she looks up, laughing flashing him with those dreamy eyes of hers.

“I love my son, but Jenna can do so much better than him.” Turning around, you see your producer pursing his lips at you, “I’m serious, y/n, they have no chemistry.”

“They make a cute couple.”  

“Wow, for someone who has an Oscar, you are a terrible liar.” Placing his hands on your shoulder, centring you down.

“I wasn’t lying.”

“But you weren’t telling the truth, they make a cute couple because they’re both attractive, and that’s it, they share no fire, you and Jenna do.”

“I am a great actress.” You cheese, trying to lighten the mood and hopefully change the subject, but that was a horrible attempt as it only directed the attention of your director to you two, which he thought it’d be a great idea to welcome herself into the conversation.

“That you are, but no one could act the way you feel about her, the way she feels about you.” She starts, “what you two have is real, and I mean more than just your friendship, like don’t get me wrong, that shit is cute, but the raw chemistry and love you two share, that is unmatched, his son can only imagine having that with her.” She looks to her side, shaping an ‘O’ with her mouth, “no offence, man.”

“None taken, you’re one hundred percent right, and plus, EVERYONE saw that kiss, she held it longer than she was supposed to.” Solidifying her point. Those two acted like a married couple, they weren’t together, but you could’ve sworn their dynamic was unmatched, “go get the girl, y/n.” They say in unison, walking away together, only proving you right.

“Hey, sorry that took a while, what did they want?” Jenna’s voice getting louder as she steps closer to you, now looking at you with the same dreamy eyes, except it was different, jumping to conclusions those eyes screamed platonic. What your dumbass didn’t realise was that the look she gave you was different, she never looked at anyone the way she looks at you, her eyes were love sick, she was lovesick, for you.

“Oh, it’s no problem, and uh, they were just talking about my character development, how they want my character to grow.” Lying through your teeth, you just hope she couldn’t see through you the way the other two did.

“You didn’t like it? It’s okay if you don’t, you can speak to them, they love and respect you, like you’re their love child, cus everyone agrees they act like a married couple.” She says, in the sweetest, softest tone, you could melt, bend at your knees. “You seem upset, baby.” Baby.

You shake your head and with such slyness you lean on the table, making sure you don’t topple over at the sound of her nickname for you, you weren’t lying when you told yourself you would bend at your knees for her.

“Huh? OH, no, no, I’m not upset at all.” Another lie, “it’s just been a long week and I can’t wait to get home; the new season of Black Mirror is out.” You smile, baring all your teeth, now that one wasn’t a complete lie, it has been a long week and there is a new season that you can’t wait to binge.

“Hurgh, I thought you said we’d watch it together!” Jenna acts betrayal as she grasps her shirt near her heart region.

“Okayyyyy, come over tonight.” Rolling her eyes at her, making sure your invitation was finite and not a question, so she would have to come over.

“Oh, uh, actually, I would love to.” There’s a change in her tone.

“But…?”

“But I have a date tonight, with Idrys, it’s what we were talking about before. Watch it without me, I’ll catch up.” Oh. You regret inviting her, because maybe you’d only have to hear about the date after it happened. Oh, who are you kidding, she would’ve told you the second she got back and the voice in your head would be pestering you to dig at her, asking what their conversation was about, you were going to find out about the date in a heartbeat.

“Right, well that’s better than spending it with me on my couch, so have fun, he’s cute, and no doubt you’re going to look breathtaking tonight.” You try your hardest to not show the stabbing feeling that buries your heart right now.

“I’m glad you think so, pick me up at seven.” She cheeses, with such mischief behind her eyes.

“JENNAAAA.”

“Thank you, baby.”

How could you say no.

~~

As Jen enters your car, you can’t help but stare in awe, she looks ethereal, she is ethereal. She was wearing a black mini skirt that hugged her hips, accompanied by a sheer white button up that caressed her curves, thought the material was sheer, it wasn’t completely see through, and her hair was up in a slick, mid bun with her middle part showing.

There was no one in the world, the universe that made you feel the way she did, she was like basking in the warm Australian sun, like the skyline of a city at night time reflecting on your skin, where light was, she was there, she isn’t the light, she’s your light.

“You know, l/n, if you keep staring, I’ll miss my date.” Jenna teases, only making you blush and giggle, but the dimness of your car shadowed your face, making it hard for Jenna to see the blush, but what she did see was the spark in your eyes which calmed the sea of nervousness she was swimming in. Maybe you should keep staring.

As you start driving, you start fidgeting, Jenna noticed but she didn’t want to point it out, scared it’ll only push you away and make you dismissive. The tension in the car was strong, it could cut a boulder clean, and you couldn’t take that so you small talk her acting as if you were her uber driver and you don’t have a relationship with her.

“So, uh, you excited?”

“A bit, more nervous actually.”

“He should be nervous, he’s the one going on a date with THE Jenna Ortega.”

“Hmph, you flatter me.” You try. “Actually, he’s the one who has been nervous all week, he’s been asking me out every single day without fail for the past seven days.”

“And you kept rejecting him?”

“Something like that,” you also hope that the dim lights didn’t reveal your sly smirk painted on your face.

“Why did you?”

“I just wanted to see if something else would come along.”

“That is?”

“A sign.”

“A sign?”

“A sign for me to officially say no, I told him to give me a week, and on the last day, I caved and said yes.” Confusion starts to set in, you couldn’t tell if she wanted to even go on this date, you know, with the whole sign thingy, maybe she was just looking for a reason to say no but there wasn’t one conjured up in time.”

“I take it there wasn’t any?”

“Zilch. Maybe no sign meant I should say yes.”

“Unfortunate,” you mumble, maybe if a sign did show, you wouldn’t be caught in this situation.

“Indeed.” You didn’t think she heard you, but she did, unfortunately though, you didn’t hear her. “What was that?” You ask.

“Oh, nothing, just thinking out loud.”

“Right, well, we’re here, just let me park and help you out.” You park swiftly and with ease, despite needing to parallel park, with that same swiftness you hop out and open the car door for Jenna, extending your arm out for her.

“Always a gentleman.” She smiles.

“Gentlewoman,” you jokingly correct her, she lets out a small huff of laughter whilst her smile stays in place, “what’re you waiting for, Jen?”

“A sign, baby.” There it was again, baby.

“Go have fun, Jen.” You grab her hand once more and caress each knuckle.

She held her blink longer than usual, smiling as she does so, letting out a wistful sigh, and before she turns away and leaves, she tippy toes up, placing a soft, warm kiss on your cheek. Except it was so much closer to the edge of your mouth, you want to say it was a kiss?

~~

Once you settle back into your couch, snuggle up in your fluffy blanket, you can’t wait to hear the iconic tudum ahead of every Black Mirror episode, getting lost in the new season, hoping to clear your mind of Jenna and her date, the date now an hour in.

And even though she gave you permission to watch the new season without you, there was a guilt building in you every time you considered pressing play, so you listen and decide to save season six for another time, another time where Jenna was with you, resting her head on your shoulder.

Instead, you opt to rewatch your favourite episode instead, ‘San Junipero,’ but before the first interaction of the episode could start, you hear your doorbell ring, you pause the episode and go check it out.

Looking through your ring camera app, you see Jenna? You open the door in confusion and map the brunette up and down, making sure you weren’t hallucinating, you see her smiling softly at you holding a pizza box in her hand.

“Hi.” She smiles, only making you even more confused.

“Hello?” You start off, “what’re you doing here, your date?”

She breathes in deeply, hearing the oxygen enter her body, she exhales just as deeply, hearing the carbon dioxide, that was once oxygen, leave her body. “Well, I was on a date, enjoying delicious food, with a very cute and funny boy in front of me,” your heart drops, “but.” Your heart raises, and so does one of your eyebrows.

“But?”

“He wasn’t the one I wanted to be with, he’s great and all but he doesn’t occupy my heart, he’s just a friend, I explained it to him, and he was very sweet about it, he understood, actually he was the one who dropped me off here.”

“Well, who does occupy your heart?” Your naïve and oblivious self asks. Only making Jenna’s facial expression form a horror as a result of you not being able to connect the dots.

“YOU. YOU DO, Y/N, I love you.” You freeze, “you’re the one I want to be with, I love more than you could ever imagine.” And before you could react, you feel her lips on yours, like it was coming home, except this time, it was here to stay, and they were speaking the truth, no lies, no acting, no cut, just the truth.

“But the sign?” You break away.

“The sign was you, you idiot, I wanted to see if a miracle would happen, and you would ask me out.”

“OHHHHH.” Realisation hits you like a truck, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“Yes ma’am.” You pull her waist in, essentially pulling her inside your house, greeting her lips once more as she places the pizza on your table, dancing in motion together as if the two of you were among the stars.

“And before you try anything funny,” she pulls away, making you whimper a bit, “there’s twelve slices of pizza, six each so we both get a last slice.”

You smile, making you’re the corner of your lips connect to your eyes, essentially closing your eyes as a reaction.

“Last slice.”

~~

a/n: j! try to write at a normal time and fix your sleep schedule challenge <3 (it’s 6am)

taglist: @talialeih​ (uber eats me a pizza please, love.)

[sanyastraightfrombrain]

Throwing ideas on the internet again

Since pizza tower's artstyle is inspired by the cartoons of the 90's I thought it would be funny to come up with some ehh... things? for the "Pizza Tower cartoon"

• Peppino has to make pizza with ghost pepper so he has to die(tm) to get the ingredient meanwhile the Noise tries to annoy Peppino's dead body (he thinks he's just sleeping or smth). And yes, the customers that ordered ghost pepper pizza are ghosts. Maybe even Peppermans dead parents because ha ha pepper.

• "it's summer and its hot" episode where Peppino got air conditioner so a lot of people around visit his pizzeria because he has the only one in miles. Peppino is happy at first because yay, customers, but quickly realises that nobody is ordering pizza so he tries to get people to order food and hijinks ensue. (Bonus joke is that Peppino accidentally almost made a pizza out of Vigilante because he's cheese and he melted)

• Peppino's oven breaks so he has to find a new one. The word gets out and a lot of characters offer their help but in reality they just want to mess with him:

-Peppermen's oven only makes pepper pizza in the shape of Pepperman's face no matter what ingredients you put in

-Vigilante's oven works on gunpowder and bakes stuff with explosions. Peppino wasn't a fan of this to say the least

-Noisette gives him a seemingly normal oven but with bizarre modifications. Like the chocolate dispenser, an iron inside "in case your pizza isn't flat enough" ect. The Noise later comes angry at Noisette for helping his rival but once he sees the oven she gave Peppino he kisses her instead

-Fake Peppino gives him a perfect oven. Suspiciously too perfect. Peppino is ready for something to go wrong but loses his patience because "I don't have time to figure out what's wrong with this!" But in the end Fake's oven is really just a good normal oven and Fake genuinely wanted to help.

• Obligatory body swap episode. But the thing is Peppino swaps bodies with Brick. Somehow. Peppino in Bricks body tries to get help from anybody, but everyone just hear rats squeaks from him because yea, rat. So he tries to get Brick in his body to actually look after the pizzeria while he goes out to find the solution. But Brick is also Gustavo's pet/friend so Peppino has to actually pretend to be a rat and his anxious ass stresses so much about "being a rat in a correct way" . In the end Peppino actually relaxes a little but also realizes that Gustavo understands him (because after he met Brick he learnt rat language) and had the "cure" for the situation for a while (he realised that Peppino was in Bricks body and just thought that he had to relax a little, even if like that). In the end, they go back to the pizzeria to swap bodies again and realize that Brick was actually great chef and made Peppino's pizzeria much more successful in one day.

• I have no idea for the plot but imagine Vigilante-centric episode named "the cheese of truth"

• Peppino didn't pay his rent so mr. Stick finds him a sponsor/investor. It's Pepperman. Of course Pepperman uses his privileges to completely redesign Peppino's pizza in his own image. In the end Peppino is so fed up with Pepperman that he actually quits. Without chef however, the new "Pepperman's pizza" loses customers and this time Pepperman misses the rent so he goes back to Peppino asking him to take back the pizzeria. But Peppino is also broke. But fear not, because mr. Stick found another sponsor! The Noise.

The episode ends here

• Not really an episode idea but imagine seeing Pizzahead in the background of the episodes doing Bugs Bunny hijinks with dressing up.

[ssahotchnerr]

nothing more domestic than grocery shopping with hotch 😍 he comes off so disciplined but he’s definitely the type to add stuff to the cart that wasn’t on the list like cookies for the kids. also what type of food do you think hotch likes? I can see him loving Chinese takeout (probably from having it so much when he doesn’t have time to cook). like if reader was gonna make him his favorite meal, what do you think it would be?

sweet additions

AH okay this is just gonna be a lil blurb about shopping together hehe cw; mentions of food, so so so much fluffy banter

you and aaron had been in the grocery store, for maybe fifteen minutes now, and the two of you had definitely set a new personal record for how quickly you had managed to fill the cart.

prior at home, you had created a list of items to allow shopping to run more smoothly. for example, it consisted of aaron's coffee creamer, bread, macaroni and cheese (jack's lifeline), the kids' favorite cereal, and other miscellaneous things- just the everyday necessities your family ran out of fairly quickly.

likewise, it allowed for each trip to be a quick in-and-out, avoiding creating a collection of things you didn't really need. there had been numerous times you had been cleaning out the pantry or fridge, and came across various items that had been merely picked at.

however, and surprisingly so, aaron wasn't as dutiful to the list as you were. he usually referred to it as "a useful guide for suggestions".

you peered into the cart, your eyebrows drawing into a line- your husband's signature expression had without a doubt rubbed off on you after all these years.

"aaron."

"yes darling?" a rush of cold air met you as aaron opened a freezer door, selecting a bag of broccoli, and tossing it in.

with an arch of an eyebrow you reached inside, grabbing a package of dessert cakes and holding it up. "what are these?"

he made play at intently observing the object in question, narrowing his eyes quizzically. "i think they're exactly what you think they are."

"aaron!" you laughed, rolling your eyes teasingly. "we're sticking to the list!"

"then just add it to the list." he said in an amused, nonchalant manner, as if it were that simple. and to be fair, it was, but you'd never pass an opportunity to give him a hard time.

"you can't just add things to the list!" you whined playfully, causing him to laugh. his eyes met yours, a look of adoration within them. "that's why there's a list to begin with."

he exhaled a dramatic sigh, "fine, i may... or may not have promised a certain daughter of ours cupcakes."

you laughed, "oh honey, you're such a pushover."

aaron shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. "she has your eyes, i can't help it."

"softie." you mumbled, poking his side and causing him to jump slightly. one thing very few people knew- aaron hotchner was ticklish.

"i don't want to hear it, i saw you sneak those eggrolls." aaron countered as he leaned down against the handlebar of the shopping cart, a smirk replacing his smile. "are those on the list?"

"they are, actually." you mimicked his expression, and to prove your point, you held out your phone for him to see for himself. "and i got them for you, mr. i-live-off-of-chinese-food. so, i think a thank you is in order, don't you think?"

"ah, my bad." aaron readjusted his posture, allowing him to peck your lips easily. again, his eyes and smile were full of nothing but adoration, like there was no other place in the world he would rather be. "how'd i ever get so lucky?"

"i ask myself the same question every day." you joked, granting him another kiss but prolonging it for a few seconds more this time. "and i love you, you big softie."

[paintedgrilledcheese]

Cheese's 100 follower special part 1

(Thank you all for following me and sticking around to see what contents I post!!! For hitting triple digits I'm doing special posts. This one is all about the cut and unused content ideas/plans for RPs.)

(For the people who wanted to be tagged: @ilovefukuchi @myluckymoon @caffeiiine )

Each unplanned idea will be in character order of when I first created them.

Levi

There's a lot with Levi when I first made him. At first there wasn't a proper backstory for him other than that he was a traumatized guy.

Levi was already arrested in his backstory before, so my whole goal with him was to get him arrested again and sent back to prison.

This would have triggered a rescue mission, or a prison escape (in my head I made Sayaka and Oscar go save him)

On the same topic of rescuing Levi, I have this old idea I played in my head where Levi was supposed to be kidnapped by this ability user that had the power to trap people in this video game. Bro Levi would have been in a little cage like Princess Peach.

If Levi was ever brought back to prison I would have created a little headspace segment for him (kinda like omori)

Ross

At first, Ross wasn't supposed to be a military captain. Instead, he was going to be some doctor to kidnap Levi back for experiments. This was changed to fit the backstory more.

Ross and Levi were supposed to have this big fight at one point.

And Ross was supposed to die by Levi finally killing him but in a bitter sweet goodbye.

Dr. Ikari

He was supposed to be the more cold doctor, but instead, he gave a more "I don't give a crap attitude."

He was going to help capture Levi, only to calm him down.

Nothing much about him other than a potential death.

Cooper

Oh boy, there is so much for Cooper.

At first, Cooper wasn't going to be brought back entirely. All because the og Cooper was dead and it would have ruined some of Levi's character development. So instead, I made this Cooper from a different universe.

At first, I was going to have him wander around and ask multiple people, "Are you my master?" But on the first one with Shibusawa, I had him settle with him for a long time.

He was almost gay or bi, but I gave him a female love interest. (Also his "love" for Shibusawa was more so a obsession than actual love.)

Big one‼️ Cooper at one point before he killed X, was going to go back to X. Either through by getting fired or just plain manipulation.

There were going to be multiple times in which he got kidnapped but those never happened.

At one point, he was going to snap, but that never happened as well.

Richard Connell

He was going to be more of an evil, bad guy with a god complex. Now he silly.

Fiona Delgado

She was created to flirt with an older version of Shibusawa. That never happened.

She was supposed to work at a normal boring job but I changed it to be the Port Mafia.

Hunter

Was going to die, never happened.

He was going to be a cool priest, but now he works for the Special Operations Division.

Dr. Paul

Was supposed to hunt down every vampire and try to kill then all.

Perhaps give him a potential love interest in which the irony of it is that the love interest is a vampire.

Felix

He was supposed to be more angry and charming, but he's just some goofy guy who yells at his rival and is actually a lot more friendly.

He was supposed to be ability-less but him having a cool sword as his ability sounded cool.

At one point, Lance (from Prime Softwares) was going to change Felix's "programming" and make him go on a murder rampage. Possibly a really intense boss fight with X.

Prime Softwares

Lance was supposed to die (he's barely alive but he's alive)

Lance and Grian were supposed to have this discussion and Lance would have threaten to deactivate Grian.

At one point, Grian would have completed a mission, but Lance would deactivate him anyways for a more new and improved model.

So Grian was almost a box of scraps for anyone to take.

The whole thing with the androids was to learn how to fuse ability user's blood into androids so androids could have said ability from the user. Basically weapons.

Because Lance wanted to take over the world with these androids.

At one point Grian was going to turn on Lance and attack Lance instead.

[iamthekaijuking]

King’s Nightmarish Retail Experience

This post has been a long time coming because I know for a fact that suffering through retail makes for excellent stories and I have cosmically bad luck when it comes to dealing with people, so over the course of like 1 1/2 years I’ve just been stockpiling notes. I had been working with some people who had been working in pickup for five years and by the time I left I had three times more stories than they did. And now that I’ve quit over a month ago I can unleash this upon the world.

This post will only go over my experiences with customers and not people I worked with or how the store was ran. Most people in the store I worked at were either just normal people doing their jobs or the sweetest people you’ll ever meet, and very few people working in my store were actually jerks or gross. That’s actually how it is for most retail shops in general actually. Now I could say stuff about the few jerks (and I’d love to) but I’m not going to just as another way to eliminate any possibility of incriminating where it is I worked. Plus most of that frustration was directed at managers and corporate so you can probably guess why I’d be frustrated.

Also some of these stories are kinda gross so you know, warning. Although I did try and keep it classy.

General weird people in the store.

When I was out on the floor getting items for orders I observed a fair share of horrible and gross behavior. Things ranging from a guy sticking his hand in his pants to directly scratch his junk in public to a woman doing the same but with her chocolate starfish. Sometimes I even saw excellent parenting as well such as the time I saw a little kid pinching his dad, only for the dad to spin around and lift him up by the scruff of his shirt and say “Pinch me again and I’m breaking your neck in the parking lot”. Another time I saw a mom throw her umbrella at her toddlers face because he wasn’t listening to her. Excellent stuff.

This one is actually from one of my coworkers but years ago around the time The Last Jedi released a bunch of blue milk hit the shelves. My coworker was just getting items until a fat scruffy neckbeard guy barged up to her and yelled “Where’s your blue star wars milk?!”. If it happened to me I’d have to try really hard not to laugh at them.

I’ve also just had a customer just walk up to me and demand I clean up a carton of milk a child spilled even when I specified that I was a pickup worker, that wasn’t my job, and I didn’t have a phone to call anyone about it. I ended up having to ineffectively sponge it with paper towels while he watched with his hands on his hips for thirty seconds. Eventually someone came with a mop though.

I’ve had a woman pull me aside wanting me to help her text pictures of her pipes to her plumber. Like… no! I didn’t have time for that! You’d think she was a super old lady in her 80s or something but no she was like late 50s/early 60s! Old enough to know how a smartphone works!

Every customer from here on is memorable enough that I’ve given them their own section.

Memorial Day Farter

This one happened when I was out picking items for orders on Memorial Day.

A woman who, and I really have no other words to describe her, was a hamburger helper of a woman bent over in front of me to grab something and just bayblade let it rip directly on me. I have anosmia but I could tell it was a rancid congalala fart because I could taste it. I swear to god that the gust of intestinal wind that came out of her was powerful enough to blow my shirt back a bit.

And she didn’t even acknowledge it either! She just laboriously got back up and left!

I showered when I got home.

Cottage Cheese Lady

Once again I was out on the floor, this time in the dairy section.

I was grabbing stuff and my cart was parked in front of the cottage cheese. Off to my side an older lady was looking for something. English was not her first language cause she said “Where cottage cheese?” but she wasn’t facing me so I assumed she was taking to herself. But she kept repeating it louder and louder until she turned to me and yelled “WHERE COTTAGE CHEESE?!”. It took me a second to realize she had been talking to me the entire time and in that time she got right up in my face (or as close to it as a five foot person can to a 6ft 1 guy) and almost pinned me against the doors in the dairy section. And for some reason thrusted her chest out at me.

Now she was wearing some fancy v-neck jacket with a very deep v-neck and she was old. So she was thrusting some very unimpressive flabs at me while yelling “WHERE COTTAGE CHEESE”. Overwhelmed, I quickly slid out from in front of her and pushed my cart out of the way and pointed. She then arched her spine the opposite way like a hunchback in defeat and just said “oh…”.

“Bro”

This one also happened when I was out picking items. Occasionally when out picking customers would sometimes ask me where things are, and while I didn’t like it because we were timed on how fast we picked items for orders and the people in charge would get on our asses if we weren’t fast enough for them, I still answered customers if I could, sometimes even taking them to what they wanted if I had time or was in a good mood. Most of the time though people were right in front of what they were looking for and ended up looking like complete idiots.

That said, I didn’t know where everything was in the store. I’m not a robot. But you’d be surprised how downright pissy people get when you tell them you don’t know where something is. This guy is one of them.

So I was picking and a guy twenty feet away from me held his phone up and asked me “do you know where this is bro?”. Now I just want to take a second to describe this man. This guy who looked to be in his forties was in a tank top and had the torso of a really tall broad guy like me, but had limbs so short in skinny that he was only like 5 feet tall, so he had the proportions of a fuckin spore creature. I told him “sorry I don’t know where that is” because one I probably wouldn’t have, two I was strapped for time, and three I can’t see what’s on a phone twenty feet away from me.

This guy immediately raises his voice and yells “Oh so you don’t pay attention when you take stuff off the shelves bro?!”. I was just completely taken aback and a few people were looking at the scene this guy was making, so to get out of the sticky situation I pulled the ultimate get out of jail free card for dealing with customers: I told him it was my first day on the job even though I had been working for over one and a half years at that point.

Immediately this guy’s demeanor changed like a psycho and he started trying to be all cheerful and welcoming me to my new job. He even walked up to try and pat me on the back but I cringed away, and I think he got the message from that and left me alone.

Karen Video Tapes Me

This is the last one where I was out picking for orders.

So it was late in my shift, around 45 minutes before it ended, and I was with another person. It was a pretty good night so I decided that I’d pick for orders the next day just to get us a little bit ahead. So I’m out pushing my cart and getting items and as I turn into an aisle there’s this short old blond lady with a very fluffy expensive coat standing in the middle of the entrance to the aisle. No biggie though, I just maneuver around her and give her two feet of space. But as I pass her she turns to me in disbelief and says “you almost ran me over!” and I just kinda look at her confused and weirded out before continuing.

Now it could have just ended there with both of us thinking the other was weird and kinda rude but continuing on and probably not remembering each other the next day, but this woman was so incredibly personally offended by me. So later in my item wave I’m in the baking aisle bending down to grab something and I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone leaning into the entrance to the aisle and aiming their phone at me.

I got up and walked over and they shrank away, and as I turned the corner it was her! She had filmed me (without my consent which is illegal in my state) and was now scurrying like a fucking rodent towards the front of the store where one of the store managers was at.

I think “hell fucking no she’s not getting away with that” and I end my item wave and bring my cart back to my department to park it while calling who was in charge of the store at the time and explaining everything to her. She asked if the Karen was still in the store and I said I’d check. So I leave my department again to walk up front and see the lady walking up to the guy who oversees the self checkout and asking him to call a manager. I sauntered up with a smile on my face and told him “No no, this is about me. I’ll handle it.”

So I go towards the front office and find the store manager there and explain everything to him. He asks if the Karen is still there and I tell him yes and she wants to meet you, and I’ll take you to her. So I bring him over while making a show out of being polite to everyone around me and saying excuse me to customers in my way all while the lady is trying to burn holes through me with her eyes. I brought the store manager up to her and as he started talking to her I dipped out because my shift was over by then.

I don’t actually know what happened after that but judging by the fact that I heard nothing about it the next day I assume I didn’t get into any trouble and the lady got to die mad about it.

Public Pisser

Every story from now on happened while I was in my department “running desk”, which means I was taking out orders to people in the little pickup parking lot.

This story is also the first weird customer interaction I had.

So I was just watching the camera feed waiting for people to come get their orders when a white SUV pulls up right beside the door we used to go in and out. A guy stepped out of the car but stayed behind his car door so I couldn’t really see him on the camera. He just kinda stood there for a bit and I was starting to wonder what he was doing, so I walked up to the door and flip up a little flap that lets me see through a small window…

And he was pissing.

He was pissing in public on the door. And I saw everything, including how painfully average he was below the belt.

So I knocked on the door to get his attention and his head snapped up to look me in the eyes. I just slowly nodded my head “no” while he started cussing at me, and then I just stepped away from the door and kinda let him get away with it because I was done with the interaction.

Tornado Lady

This one is short and just kinda shows how skewed the priorities of some people can be.

This happened during a tornado that was passing by, and the wind was going crazy and it was raining bullets. At the time the incident happened everyone in the store was in the tornado shelter areas and even the people who had come for their orders moved to park in front of the store to get to safety. All except for one car.

About ten minutes into waiting for the tornado to pass we get a call on our department phone (because people could call us to say they were there although we preferred if people used the app) and it’s an old lady who yells this.

“Um hello?! My husband has been waiting for his order for fifteen minutes! What’s the hold up?!”

My only response I could muster was “Ma’am there is A TORNADO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO GET TO SAFETY.” and she hung up.

The car with the hubby inside didn’t move but luckily the storm didn’t last much longer afterwards and things could continue as normal. In contrast to his wife the man was actually very kind and understanding.

Unactivated Credit Card

So something to note about how pickup worked, at least where I was employed, was that when a customer signed in we had to scan and assemble all the items in their order that we stored after picking, and then process the payment. Sometimes the payment could fail for a variety of reasons though. Like if the customer didn’t have enough money, or their card was locked, or they used a third party payment like PayPal, or their order was so expensive that their bank locks their card to prevent fraud (frustratingly common). When that happened the person running desk had to print off a bunch of paperwork, go out and get the customer’s card, then go halfway across the building to the self checkout to manually pay for the order there. It was an incredibly infuriating process that brought everything to a halt (even while we were still being timed).

One time though a lady’s order failed and I just spent a half hour going back and forth trying to get her card to work all while she kept getting angrier at me. She even accused me of running her card through the scanner wrong, which… there’s only one way to do it so that’s impossible. Eventually she called her bank in a fit and it turns out her card, which was brand new, wasn’t even activated. So she just flipped me off and sped off.

Mulch Lady

So this one took place when a deal was going on at the store. Multiple stores in the chain were having a deal with mulch where if you bought ten you’d get them for ten dollars. However, there was a glitch in pickup where you could instead get ten for five dollars. Management had actually called us to tell us about this and that if people place orders for mulch we’ll have to call the customer and explain to them they will have to pay full price or we will have to cancel the order.

Now a woman tried to place five orders of ten packs of mulch. So I had to call her and explain why if she wanted the mulch she’d have to pay double what the glitch was telling her. Immediately she gets all pissy and throws a fit and tells me that I have to “respect the wishes of the customer”. So when that conversation was over I had to call a store manager about it.

Basically we had to get the mulch ready and she needed to come inside to talk to him about the deal and get stuff sorted out. So that was frustrating because my department had to get 50 packs of mulch, which was so much that we had to borrow a special large trolley from another department. My conversation with the mulch lady went more or less the same as it did before except for one key difference.

She mentioned that her friends did the same thing at a different store the day before so she was extra angry that she couldn’t do the same. And that’s when I realized, the only reason management caught the glitch in the first place is because of her friends and she was trying to pull the same shit they did! Anyways she came for her mulch and went to talk to the store manager about it, and the conversation went in circles because she kept saying “I don’t understand” to everything. Not because she actually couldn’t comprehend anything, but because she didn’t like the answer she was getting and was trying to bait out a different one. She eventually relented though and settled on only taking half the mulch she ordered, which was annoying since I had to remove some from the giant pile of 50 ten pound bags.

So as I’m taking out all the bags on the large trolly I get to the door and suddenly the trolley stops. I took a look and realized the trolley was barely wider than the doorframe and because of the weight it was now wedged in the door and I couldn’t get it out. So I basically had to climb the mountain of mulch to get to the other side and start unloading it into the lady’s van to get rid of the excess weight and dislodge the trolley. It worked but it was really annoying.

Also Mulch Lady didn’t learn her lesson because she tried the same shit the next day.

Taking Offense to a Thanks

This one still makes me mad.

So with how pickup works a customer is supposed to use the app to say they’re on their way and then when they arrive they say they’re here. The idea is to give us a heads up so we can partly prepare an order ahead of time so that when the customer arrives they don’t wait as long and we can beat the timer (because we were timed).

But the longer I stayed at the place the less and less customers did this and it got to a point where only about 1/5th of customers were telling us they were on their way. So eventually I started politely asking customers to let us know when they’re coming, and it was working somewhat until this guy.

Let’s call him Brick. So one day Brick came without letting us know he was on his way and he had a huge order, so big in fact that another coworker went out to help me load it onto his truck (he never helped of course). When we finished I did my usual “You’re all set, have a good day” routine and politely asked him to let us know when he’s on his way. As I turned around and went inside Brick pulled my coworker to the side to complain to her and demand why he had to do that. Even when she politely explained he still threw a fit before driving off, and I later learned that Brick complained to corporate.

A week later when I served him again he actually did use the app to say he was on his way, so I very politely thanked him for doing that and said that because fewer people were notifying us things were getting harder and so I appreciated that small thing. Apparently my thanks just broke Brick because he complained to corporate again but this time said just about every bad thing you could say about an employee short of assault and sexual harassment, so I got written up for it.

I refused to serve Brick again, because he just had it out for me and kept asking my coworkers where I was and kept saying that he wanted a word with me.

Now this story might have a happy ending because it turns out that Brick owns a construction company around where I live and I’m currently trying to figure out how my family and I can review bomb his business without getting sued for defamation.

Nasty Man

Some customers really don’t care to not look like total slobs in front of others or try and have some public decency. One interaction sticks out to me and I’m going to call this guy Cory because he looked like Armenian Cory but somehow even more swollen.

I took his order out to him and he got out of his car to help (which honestly good on him I appreciated that). But he was greasy and his shirt was like three sizes too small and his pants were too big and about to fall down. Cory also wasn’t wearing underwear and I learned that the hard way when he bent over when facing away from me and bared his whole ass. I also unfortunately noticed his fly was down and I could see his uhh… small earthworm.

It was a very uncomfortable situation and I couldn’t tell him to pull his pants up because he could report me and I’d get in trouble! So I had to grin and bear it while this idiot was getting his groceries with his dick out.

Happy Birthday!

This is another customer who had zero shame.

This happened last year on my birthday/national Godzilla Day. It was night and I was doing a later shift and a guy in a truck pulled up and signed in. Things went pretty normally and I took his order out to him. Now I was going to put it in his trunk because that’s usually where customers want their groceries, but this guy said he wanted his stuff in the passenger seat.

I was like “Okay” because that’s not really a big deal, so I opened the door and started unloading his groceries and I noticed he was watching his phone. Now the phone was mostly turned away from me but I could see just a sliver of the screen, enough to make out what he was watching. And he was watching…

Porn

He was watching porn right in front of me while I was giving him his groceries.

Absolutely shameless.

He tried to turn the phone away from me more but I already saw. I basically hurried up with giving him his stuff and rushed back inside. Now I expected him to leave after that… but then his truck started shaking. I eventually called the store manager and we were about to send security out before he finished and drove off. I think he knew I saw because he never came back.

The Time I Was Actually Almost Mugged or Trafficked

I’ve actually talked about this one in the past here before but I’ll just rehash it here, and unlike all the other stories where it’s just about Karens and idiots and gross slobs, this one is actually scary.

So it was late at night and I was covering for my underage coworker so she could take a lunch break. A black SUV slowly pulled up to park and takes up 2 parking spots, and then a woman got out of her car and kinda stumbled over to the signs in front of the pickup parking spots.

I assumed she's drunk and can't sign into the app and is looking at the signs for the number to call us and say she's here. But then she walked up to the pickup door and knocked, and was keeping her face away from the camera the whole time. I grew incredibly suspicious because customers aren't supposed to come up to the door for security reasons, and she's keeping her face turned away from the camera the whole time. So I slinked up to the door and quietly flipped the metal plate to peek out the window.

Her back is still to the door.

I slink back to the curbside front desk and keep my eyes on the camera. After awhile she stumbles back to her car and then calls. I proceeded as normal and get her name, but as I was looking I noticed that her name isn't on the list for the day. I think "okay maybe she's drunk and her order is for tomorrow". I looked all the way up into a week ahead of time. Her name was not on the order list. I told her this and asked if her order was under a different name. She said "Well I used my son's card for the order so maybe it's under that, but his last name is the same."

Btw I could barely understand her and I had to ask her to repeat herself a few times.

I asked what it is she ordered. She said sketchers. I looked for some shoes. We didn’t have any back in pickup for any orders. I told her this and before I could tell her she might be at the wrong store she hangs up. And stayed there for almost ten minutes.

2 customers pulled up and signed in for their orders and I think “okay I’m not going out alone”. So I called the head of the store and she sent a team lead and what I assume was security back there. As I’m explaining to them the situation my coworker gets back from break. So I come up with a plan: we all go out at the same time and my coworker and I give the orders to the customers while the two guys talk to her and see what’s up.

But as they approached her car she sped off.

They're weirded out too and gave me the number for security in case she came back. And for the rest of my shift I did not let my 16 year old coworker take out orders, and when I left I urged her to call security if anything vaguely weird happened.

Now this exact situation could have gone so much worse. What these people like that do is get a woman in on the whole thing drunk and drive them to a pickup parking lot at night. The reason she’s drunk is to make her seem defenseless and to lower the guard of the employees, but she also hid her face from the camera to make it harder to link her to a crime. Everything she did was to get someone to come out to the car where more people hiding in the back of the vehicle would come out to mug the employee, or if they’re underage girls, potentially kidnap them.

This exact scenario has played out before around where I live and I am so glad that my cautious nature picked up on what was going on.

The Worst Customer

I’ve painted a pretty good picture of some pretty terrible people, but this woman is in a league of her own. To give a sense of how awful she was, she is the only customer I’ve ever had who purposely caused me physical harm. I’m going to call her Slattern, because that is the nicest thing I could call her.

She was a regular to the store, but she never did anything to meet us halfway and was so incredibly short fused and rude that half of the people in my department dreaded serving Slattern. So full of anger was she that she could barely keep herself from throwing a fit when we so much as asked her name when we brought her order out to double check that it was hers.

The one time Slattern hurt me was during winter where I guess she was having a bad day or something. As I was leaning into the back of her SUV to put the groceries in I saw her hand fly up and press the button on her rear view mirror that closed the trunk, and it slammed down on my head. The metal edge of it hit me and the only reason I wasn’t cut and bleeding is because I had a jacket over my head, and that jacket got a cut in it afterwards. I almost fell over onto the ice covered asphalt because of how much pain I was in. Her teenage son actually showed concern for me and was asking if I was okay, but when I looked at Slattern’s face through the rear view mirror all I saw was her looking at me with this smug satisfied smirk.

This woman was genuine evil and had some of the worst tantrums the store I worked at ever saw on the few occasions she stormed up to the front to argue with a store manager. Even they thought Slattern was “a complete bitch”, and even her son tried to get her to stop a few times. I quit before I ever saw the end to the Slattern Saga, but I’m certain she’s banned from the store by now. I would have absolutely pressed charges but unfortunately the trunk thing was very easy to write off as an accident.

The Angry Cloudstrike Man

This one happened during the cloudstrike fiasco if you remember when half the internet imploded awhile ago.

During this time working retail was possibly the worst it had ever been, without a properly functioning network we were borderline incapable of doing our jobs but corporate wanted us to anyways. We had to treat every order like a failed order and this resulted in long wait times that made everyone very angry for at least a two days until everyone realized why nothing was working. But there was one older customer who just never got the memo and was just constantly a complete asshole.

Every time he’d get mad at us for our system not working and act like he expected us to magically fix it, and was just so mean and yelled at everyone who served him no matter how many times we politely explained things to him and offered gift cards as compensation. Every time he’d also say he’d complain to corporate on their website and never come back again… but then be back the next day for several days straight. So definitely not a man of his word which was kinda funny.

He was so rude to us so consistently that I was able to get the higher ups to get off their asses for once and begin the process of banning him from the store.

It eventually came to a head one day where he placed an order but we never received it (because again, cloudstrike) and yelled at a coworker who had to go out and explain it to him. When she came back inside he called our front desk and I answered.

Again, I explained to him what happened and that we had no power to fix it, but he refused to listen and the conversation went in circles. It eventually got to the point where he was wasting so much of my time and I was getting so sick of his shit that I realized “okay corporate already knows this guy is an asshole and he’s already getting banned from the store and he already probably spews bullshit when he complains to corporate” and just went mask off.

I personally shrink away from confrontation so this is very uncharacteristic of me, but I just started full blown arguing with him and trying to make him as angry as possible. I didn’t hurl any obscenities but it was clear I was just stirring shit, and oh my god it was euphoric. If you’ve never worked retail you will never know the feeling of having a job where you simultaneously keep the gears of society turning while being treated like the shit stuck on someone’s shoe, and just unleashing that frustration on someone who deserves it. The only way that moment could have been even better is if I could reach through the phone and strangle the guy like Bart Simpson.

I wanted to end on a happy note. That’s about it for the retail stories.

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - August 12th, 2023 🎀

My updates have been a little spread out, but I am happy to announce that I will be (hopefully) posting updates more regularly with my university classes starting for the fall semester and now that I'm also back at my original job! It definitely gave me a reason to stick to my routine so I have a good feeling about all of this!

With the new semester starting comes new goals, which I will be making a separate post about! It's going to somewhat detail my personal, academic, and social goals for the fall semester. So stay tuned for that!

I also began intermittent fasting recently as I have read that it helps with PCOS (which I do have, along with hypothyroidism). My goal is to become healthier physically and mentally, and I believe that doing this will only improve my quality of life! I currently am doing 16:8, and I love it because it works with my schedule and eating habits I usually already have!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Brunch - One piece of brioche style white bread with two slices of cheddar cheese and a spoonful of scrambled eggs and a side of diced potatoes with ketchup.

Dinner - Taco Bell <3 A nacho bell grande and a crunchwrap Supreme with lots of Diablo sauce

Snacks - 2 cups of coffee with one sweet n low each and French vanilla creamer, and one mocha cold brew shake from the coffee shop on my university campus.

I decided to treat myself to Taco Bell tonight since I was craving it and had the money to do so. I actually ordered more than I ended up eating, so I gave the rest to my roommate.

🩷 Workout - Upper Body Pilates-ish

I loved this so much the first time I did it that I wanted to include it again! ait gives such a nice burn and feel after completing it and I honestly wish it was longer, it's that good!

I wanted to try this one because I think fixing posture is helpful, and honestly, those 90 shoulders are really aesthetic. I don't think this is going to give me *drastic* results until I lose some weight and lean out a bit, but I think helping to fix my posture is such a good idea to help with back pain and avoiding text neck! I liked this one, but there were a couple of stretches that were a bit hard to complete, given my current weight. But I'll keep doing this til I get it!

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today -

Made my bed

Morning and Night Skincare

Morning Guided Journal

Daily Journal

Reas 1 Chapter of a book

Morning Workout

Stretching

Today was definitely a good day, especially since I completed most of those before going to work at 715am! I'm super proud of myself, and I hope to keep my progress going and continue bettering myself!

🩷 Song of the Day: Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift

This song is soo good. I've never been a Swiftie but I've started getting into a couple of her songs, I like how soft they sound.

🩷 Current Read - Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

This book has been in my shelf for a few months and since I've recently gone long distance with my boyfriend, I figured it would be a good idea to educate myself on attachment styles and ways to healthily navigate relationships. I'm two chapters in and I already love it!

That's all for the day! I'll update you guys again tomorrow! Thank you for all the love <3

Til tomorrow, my lovelies 🩷

[thehoundwrites]

hey, are you still open for orders? If so, could you write about Sevika being a mother? How would she act in situations such as homework, the first day of school and child problems? I know it sounds stupid, but I love seeing brutal characters like mothers. I love your post's, thanky you for exist ❤

Yessss of course!! Thank you so much for asking 💕

Contrary to popular belief this woman is a great mom, her kid gets absolutely spoiled. Whatever they want, they get. As long as they behave.

She's more protective than anything, no one's messing with sevikas kid. The side glares, the threats, her kid playing at the playground and gets pushed? She's all over that mom like a hawk on roadkill.

"Do you know who I am? I'm the scary lady of zaun, you better teach that kid some manners"

Cuz honestly the only idiot to mess with here's Finn.

I feel like Sevikas really good at math or science too so she'll get into kid brain and start teaching her kid about stuff like reall explain it, in a way that makes the kid listen.

"You can't go outside right now doll, it's raining and if you get too cold you'll start coughing and get boogers"

She's also the type of mom to have special words for her ciggeretes, or blunts like mommy's happy sticks, mommy's stress receivers.

I have a headcanon that Sevika is the eldest to like 5 other kids, so of course she can cook the basics Mac n cheese, ramen, chicken nuggets, and hot dogs. But she's more of an order out I'm tired

She probably has her friends babysit, ones like ran. So that she knows for sure Her kid is okay.

Bring ur kid to work day? Oh that kid is going on one of those blimps.

That kid can defend itself too, she'd teach them how to use a knife, by like 12 and make sure that kid is good to fuckin go.

She's probably a do as I say not as I do mom too.

Her kid might also be a pacifist by the time they grow up just because they can see the stress on their moms face everyday after work.

[pedrito-friskito]

three…two…one… - dieter bravo x fem!reader

❄️’tis the season❄️

summary: you and dieter throw a new year’s party.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: MY BLOG IS 18+, MINORS DNI, smut, fluff, unprotected p-in-v, dieter’s dirty mouth, mentions of drinking/drugs/classic dieter things, this is SUPER SELF-INDULGENT AND I DON’T CARE BUT I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH AND JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY OKAY THAT’S IT THAT’S ALL

a/n: the beginning of this fic genuinely made me laugh out loud when I wrote it. thank you all for the love and support always (I’ll make a sappy new years post separately) and I know I’m a day late, but enjoy! (also special props to @mandoblowmybackout for giving me the pizza idea 😏)

“I wanna throw a party.”

Well, that’s definitely not what you were expecting.

“What did you just say?”

Dieter pauses, head snapping up, eyes flicking from where they’d been trained on your bare tits up to your face. His eyes are bloodshot, pupils blown wide, and his cheeks are rosy, a slick of sweat at his temple. “Huh?”

He’s stoned. You both are, truthfully. The last few weeks have been a blur of cardboard, tinsel, and red wine, flitting from one house to the next. You were Dieter’s plus one to a slew of holiday parties (which went much better than your Halloween escapades had, mainly because it was time spent with Dieter’s actual friends, people he trusted, not a bunch of strangers trying to get on his good side) and, in a not-so-shocking twist, a Christmas party thrown by your closest pals. 

They had been more than shocked when you announced you were bringing Dieter fucking Bravo along with you, doubly shocked when you told them you were moving in together. It was something to get used to, the talking about him, the calling him your…boyfriend? Partner? Something like that. But up until now, you’ve been so used to keeping it hush hush, reducing your relationship to what it had been, not what it’s turning into. And your closest friend had a keen eye on Dieter, knowing exactly what had gone down at Halloween.

“You’re sure moving in with him is the right thing?”

“There’s nothing I’m more sure of, trust me.”

She’d tilted her head to the side, stared at you a long moment. “You seem happy. Almost too happy.”

“I am,” you said, barking a laugh. “I’m really fucking happy.”

Parties, friends, a quick appearance by your parents — which Dieter had handled with such composure you had to restrain yourself from sticking your tongue down his throat in front of your mother — and the end of the era that was your apartment. You were officially moved out as of Boxing Day, the 27th of December was spent at a work party, and now…you’re officially living together.

The end of a long few weeks, both of you dead on your feet and desperate for a little reprieve, Dieter had declared it a night for celebrating. A healthy-sized joint had been shared on the balcony, reminiscent of the first time you’d set foot in his condo, and you’d swapped smoke, shotgunning between heavy giggles and tired smiles.

“I’m really happy you’re here, baby.”

“Me, too.”

Realizing this would be the first official meal in your now shared space, you spent nearly half an hour trying to decide what to order. Dieter had pouted at that, telling you he wanted to cook you something, but he’d nearly tripped over his own feet coming in from the balcony and almost ripped the curtains down in the process, and the last thing you want to do your first official night is have to call the fire department or an ambulance.

You settled on a giant meat lover’s pizza with extra cheese, bottles of root beer, garlic sticks, the works. You ate sprawled on the rug in front of his fireplace, licking grease from your fingers, watching old episodes of Family Guy, and Dieter’s Stewie impression made you laugh so hard you nearly spewed root beer out of your nose.

It was perfect.

After the pizza had been demolished, things took a turn. It had started innocent enough, the pair of you cuddled up on the couch, your head tucked under Dieter’s chin, his arm wrapped securely around your waist. Something else came on tv, but you were barely paying attention at that point, Dieter having tipped your chin in his direction, hungry kisses that tasted vaguely of pizza pressed to your mouth.

One thing led to another, and before you knew it, you were sprawled on the chaise end of the sofa, stripped of all your clothes. He’d started with your knees hooked over his shoulders, face buried between your legs. He’d pumped you full of three fingers, lips sealed around your clit, mumbling into you the whole while.

“Pussy tastes so fucking good, baby,” he rasped, curling his knuckles, making you keen. “God, you’re so good for me, aren’t you? Taste like a fucking dream.”

You’d cum so hard you saw stars the first time, your head thrown back on the couch, hands buried in his wayward curls. He’d worked you through it, lapping around where his fingers were splitting you open, pulling them out only to replace them with his tongue.

Dieter growled when you yanked at his shoulders, clawing at his t-shirt until he scrambled up the couch, shoving his lounge shorts down over his ass, pulling the hem of his shirt up and over his head. He dropped onto his elbows a second later, covering your mouth with his as he slid into you, both of you stark naked, thrusting so hard the couch slid across the hardwood. You were lost in it, chasing Dieter’s mouth, arms hooked around his shoulders, keeping him close to you.

And then—

“I wanna throw a party.”

He starts laughing, clearly realizing that he said the words out loud, but his pace doesn’t falter. He grins broadly, leaning up on his knees slightly, letting his hands skim along your shoulders and down over his chest, squeezing at your breasts, thumbs swiping your nipples.

“A party, baby,” he continues, glassy eyes raking down your body, trained on the spot where you’re joined together. “New Year’s, yeah? Wanna celebrate this.” He punctuates the word with the drop of his thumb, a slow drag over your clit. 

You make a choked sound, back arching slightly. “My pussy?”

The corner of his mouth quirks. “Something this good should be celebrated,” he says, swiping at your clit again. “God, you feel amazing, you know that? Fuck, I love you.”

“Dieter.”

“The New Year, baby,” he says, eyes flicking back up to yours. “Your friends, my friends, the people we actually give a shit about. Let’s celebrate it. This. Us.” He runs his other hand up your side, curls his fingers around your ribs, rubs a harder circle around your nerves. “Get all dressed up, drink champagne, the whole thing.”

You laugh despite it all, sliding your hand up his arm, squeezing at his bicep. “I’m used to New Years in my sweatpants.”

“Wear whatever you want, baby girl,” he purrs, leaning down and nipping at your lips. “I’m just gonna peel it off you at midnight anyway.”

+

You think he’ll forget, that you’ll wake up the next morning and his sudden desperate need to throw a party would have subsided, but you instead wake up to an empty bed. At eleven in the morning. Supremely uncharacteristic of Dieter, who usually lays in bed until the last possible moment, trying to keep you hostage every single morning.

Snagging one of his t-shirts off the bed, you pad out of the bedroom to find him perched at one of the barstools. He’s got his laptop open in front of him, a giant mug of coffee in his hand, and his phone pressed to his ear. “Yeah, hi, do you guys do those little fuckin’ pigs-in-a-blanket things?”

You just burst out laughing.

Two days later, and the condo is full of friendly faces. It’s by far your favourite party you’ve been to with Dieter, made all the more special that you’re throwing it together, in the home you both live in. You make the rounds, play hostess, resist the urge to go hide in the bathroom. You love the holidays, really, but the constant stream of people, the small talk and the drinking and the late nights, it’s weighing on you.

But when you saw the spark in Dieter’s eye as he called caterers and made drink menus and decided on a guest list, you couldn’t say no.

You still haven’t had time to unpack, and all of your boxes are shoved in the guest room, but even that doesn’t stop it from feeling crowded and overwhelming. You’re stopped by a few friends, remnants of your old life mixing with your new one, and you’re grateful, having a quick conversation before someone else is calling your name, pulling you away.

It’s quarter to midnight when you know you need a moment, and you excuse yourself from the people you’d been talking to and head straight for the bedroom. Your dress feels too tight, the necklace you’d worn with it making you want to claw your head off. Heaving a breath, you toss it onto the chest of drawers, reaching for the zipper on your dress as you head into the closet.

Toeing off your shoes, you reach for one Dieter’s t-shirts, the fluffy jacket you’d thrifted for him, a pair of leggings. You’re halfway into the leggings when you glance over and see the Mandalorian armour he’d worn on Halloween. It’s piled on the floor, the jumpsuit wrinkled and pieces of metal scattered. 

The helmet is now sitting beside his Oscar in the living room; your idea.

You already know the closet is going to be a project, a complete reorganization if you are gonna fit anything besides your underwear in with Dieter’s things (something you doubt he would mind). Pulling the leggings on all the way, you reach for the armour, gathering the pieces of metal first, stacking them on the shelves beside a pair of custom Crocs you know you’ve seen Dieter wearing around the apartment. 

The jumpsuit is next, and as you pull the fabric up off the floor, something tumbles out of it. Your eyes track it as it falls to the carpet. A little black box, perfectly square and shiny on top. You cock your head, putting the jump suit to the side as you sink down and reach for it. It must be a watch or something, but you realize as your fingers close around the box that it’s too small to be a watch, that it’s the perfect size for—

“Holy shit.”

Your breath stalls in your throat and for a moment, you pause. 

Should you open it? There’s a chance that it’s not at all what you think it is, but there’s also a chance that it is one thousand fucking percent exactly what you think it is.

What if he has a plan? Wait…then why was it in the Mando suit? Was he planning to ask at Halloween, before everything went down the way that it did? When had he bought the damn thing?

Your mind is a flurry of questions, a tiny voice screaming at you to just open the damn box! until you hear Dieter’s voice, snapping you out of your reverie so hard you have to shake your head.

“Baby? What are you doing back here?”

You nearly drop the box, shrieking as he steps into the closet before you have a chance to drop the box, hide it, put it back in the jumpsuit, anything. “Fuck, D, you scared me!”

He stares at you a long moment, eyes jumping between your face and the box over and over and over again. “Whatcha got there?”

You’re caught red-handed; there’s no getting out of this one. “I was putting your Mando costume away.”

Dieter chuckles, takes a half-step towards you, the closet door swinging shut behind him. “I can see that.”

“I was just putting it away,” you say again, and he takes another step towards you, until he’s close enough to put a hand on your hip, “and this fell out.”

“Oh, it fell,” he repeats, and his free hand moves to cup yours, the box held aloft in your palm. “It’s been there for a while now.”

“Did you forget you had it?” you ask, and there’s a crack in your voice you’re not expecting, a new sort of desperation crawling up the back of your throat. Is this actually fucking happening?

Slowly, Dieter shakes his head. You bottom lip trembles as he leans in and kisses you softly, squeezing his fingers around yours, around the box. “Not for a second.”

Realization sweeps through you, and you wince. “Oh god, you were gonna propose at midnight, weren’t you?” When he doesn’t answer, you take it as a yes, groaning. “Oh fuck, I fucked it all up, didn’t I? Fuck, Dieter, I’m sorry, baby, I’m—”

He kisses you again, cutting off your words as he pulls you against him. He plucks the box from your hands, snapping it open, and all your breath shoots from your lungs in a gush, knees nearly giving out underneath you. It’s beautiful, salt-and-pepper diamond winking back at you. Rose gold, flanked by two tinier diamonds on either side, an interesting octagonal cut that catches the light from every direction.

“Oh my god.”

“After the Halloween party,” he says, his voice dropping low, “I was gonna get McDonald’s on the way home. I was gonna get you a strawberry milkshake and put the ring on the straw, and then I was gonna write my question on a napkin and give it to you.” He gives a little chuckle, and his hand is at the small of your back now, holding you close. “Obviously, that didn’t work out how I planned it.”

There are tears in your eyes, thick and crawling up the back of your throat. Happy tears, the happiest you think you’ve ever felt. “No, it didn’t,” is all you can manage to mumble out.

“Then, I was gonna do it that day when you gave back the keys to your apartment, but you were so sad, and it didn’t feel like the right time. And then you agreed to this stupid fucking party, even though I knew you didn’t want to, and I thought now, but this—” He plucks the ring out of the box, reaches for your left hand. “—this is better.”

Vaguely, you can hear the sounds of the party, people yelling that the ball is about to drop, that it’s almost midnight, that the New Year is almost here.

Dieter smiles, and it’s a smile that’s now familiar to you. It’s love and it’s light and the man is beaming. “You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, baby. And I know we’re not easy, or conventional, and maybe people are gonna say this is way too fucking fast, I don’t know. But I know that I love you, and I wanna have a life with you.”

People are counting down now, shouting the numbers as they tick by. Your heartbeat is in your ears, thumping loudly with every second that passes.

10…9…8…7…

“Y’know, I’m supposed to get down on one knee for this,” Dieter murmurs, but you’ve got a death grip on his shoulder, refusing to let him move.

6…5…4…

“Ask me.”

He grins.

“Will you marry me, baby?”

3…2…1…

“Yes.”

Happy New Year!

Dimly, you hear the celebrations in your living room, the whooping and cheering of your friends. Your heartbeat is still thundering, and your hand is shaking as he slides the ring onto your finger.

A perfect fucking fit.

As soon as it hits your knuckle, your arms are around his neck, mouth seeking his, knotting your fingers in his hair. You can feel his smile, a broad grin against your lips as he crushes you to his chest. It’s tight enough to lift you off your feet, your legs automatically lifting around his hips as you kiss him.

His tongue tastes like champagne, and you’re drunk off the feeling of him, the taste of him, the new foreign weight of the ring on your finger. Holy fucking shit. The kiss is just as sweet as it always is, but there’s something about it that feels different now, something more intense, new territory for the two of you to suss out together.

Dieter carries you out of the closet, and it’s only then that you realize you’re only half-dressed, in the leggings you’d thrown on and your bra. He’s got one arm around your waist, other hand pressed between your shoulders, and your lips don’t break as he walks towards the bed and lays you out on the mattress.

“Happy New Year, baby,” he says against your lips, still smiling, and so are you. You’re on Cloud 9, champagne high, over the moon, walking on air, every fucking cliché you’ve ever heard in your life.

You clasp your hands behind his neck, fingers automatically seeking out the ring on your left hand, rubbing you thumb over the diamond. “Happy New Year, Dieter.”

He gives you one last lingering kiss, your whole body tingling with it before he pulls away.

“You wanna go tell your friends?”

You shake your head no. “Not yet. I want us to celebrate it first.”

He nods, an understanding look in his eye. “Wait here,” he whispers, grabbing your left hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips, kissing your ring. “I’m gonna go kick all these fucking people out, and then I’m gonna make love to my fiancée, you hear me?”

“I hear you.”

That beaming smile is back, and it sends a flurry of butterflies through your stomach. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you.”

As soon as the door clicks shut, you can’t hold back anymore. It’s that little girl moment, the kicking feet and the squealing and blushing so hard you think your cheeks are on fire. You can’t stop staring at your ring, and you just hope Dieter moves fast out.

—————

if you’re curious what the ring actually looks like, my inspo is HERE.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #228

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

I awoke with a start from yet another of those dreams. Those dreams, unyielding, in which he is with me. I have always hated those dreams.

Whether I find myself in a diner, or a grocery store, or strolling about my home town, he is always there, whether overtly or lingering in the shadows, hiding beneath the mask of someone else. He relishes being an unwelcome guest in my subconscious, drawing me to his flying monkeys and wannabes.

Long since incapable of finding pure love, I lay alone in my bed, groggy, having slept the night before to the sounds of YouTube on autoplay. Perhaps the only white noise worse than silence. My eyelids are heavy with the burden of lost rest, never to be clawed back from the unmerciful crawl of time.

I force myself out of bed and peek through the curtains. Orange-tinted storm clouds fill the sky. It must be Halloween. I yawn and head for the kitchen to boil a kettle.

I pour my cup of tea when suddenly the doorbell rings. What time is it? I ask myself, to which I reply, time to get a watch. The microwave clock reads half-past four PM. I suppose I slept in.

I look through the peephole and don’t see anyone. I figure it might be neighborhood children playing a prank, but it could be a package I ordered and forgot about. I unlock the door and open it, but it takes a moment to register what I see: my father, in the flesh.

I rub my eyes. This can’t be happening, this can’t be real - but when I open them again he still stands before me. He’s not supposed to be here, not even in my dreams. I pinch my arm, I bite my tongue, but nothing seems to wake me up. I am already awake.

“Trick or treat!” He says, holding out his arms, waiting for a hug.

“How did you find this address?”

“It’s almost my birthday! Didn’t you want to see me?”

“No. You aren’t welcome here. Please leave.”

I close the door but he sticks his foot in it, the sole of his open-toed shoe only barely damping the hit. He doesn’t flinch.

He pushes the door back open and leans inside. “Do you know what it took to get here? I’m not going back.”

Part of me is afraid of what he’ll do if I let him in, but the other part is afraid of what he’ll do if I try to keep him out. That’s the part that wins the argument. I open the door again.

“I’ll make dinner.” He says, as he looks around inside, scoping out a place to turn into a nest. He sets his backpack down on the couch, and I can smell sulfur on it from all the way over here by the entrance.

“I just woke up, actually, so dinner seems premature.”

“Fine,” he says. “I’ll make pancakes for dinner. You’ll love them, I promise.”

This is an uncharacteristic sort of compromise from him, and I get to wondering if this really is my father. After all, I haven’t seen him in five years, and he seems to look exactly as I remember him. The thing is, I’m not sure I remember what he looked like last time I was in the same room with him. He almost looks more like he does in that photo I keep stashed away at the bottom of a drawer, the one we took when I was ten. He doesn’t act much like I thought he did, either, but I suppose I haven’t known him for some time. Maybe he changed?

We stopped talking for the obvious reasons (those are the ones I can tell people who ask): he didn’t support me going to college, or my transition, or any of my passions beyond making him happy. But there were also the less obvious reasons: The chill I felt down my spine when we were alone, a sense of unease to hear his voice, fear when he was even slightly angry. The little reminders of childhood that I’ve learned draw me to other people who end up hurting me. Battle-worn red flags of heritage.

My teenage memories are molded swiss cheese, incomplete and green with envy of the children who were allowed to grow up without a father like him. Whether their father was a good man or a dead man or both, they were better off. I knew even then that the most I had to look forward to was writing and delivering the eulogy.

And now here he was, a trespasser in my home, standing at the stove, burning vegetable oil onto my carbon steel pan. The fishy stench of it chokes my uvula. I want to vomit. He always told me he’d haunt me after he died and here he was, haunting me not only in my dreams but in waking life as a shambling zombie of a parent that never was.

Was… was he?

I ran to my computer and checked the local obituaries of my home town. I scrambled to find anything, anything from the past year, then the past two, desperately searching my brain at the same time to try to recall when it was that via text he threatened (no - ‘promised’) to keep his death a secret from my mother and I. Then I came across the name. There it was, the obituary.

He was presumed dead on his birthday four years ago. The body was never found. There was no service. Nobody would have come anyway. And something - be it a mischievous fae or a demon or the man himself - was piloting his decaying body to make a pancake dinner.

He pushed open the bedroom door and presented the plate. “I hope you like them. I made them with love.”

“I’m not hungry,” I replied, sick to my stomach at the mere suggestion of more of what he called love.

He looked at my monitor and the smile melted off his face. “I keep my promises.”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! Happy Halloween!

[yagamisdiary]

can we have some parasite or eldia headcanons on how they acted as kids 😭

omg yes !! i’ll do parasite first and then if u guys also want eldia lmk

parasite yn:

- was the type of kid to dig up worms in the backyard and keep them in her pockets to show ppl randomly for shock factor (i see her doing this with frogs and lizards too)

- used to hide in the kitchen cabinets to see how long it would take for her parents to find her

- once pretended to play dead at the public swimming pool and ppl actually began freaking out

- her dad had a lot of tattoos so she would color them in with markers whenever she was bored

parasite eren

- used to play an insane amount of call of duty

- his mom used to call him a stalker because he used to be everywhere anywhere at anytime and would just stare at ppl in silence (u know what scene i’m referring to)

- he has a total of 26 scars, a majority coming from childhood and forcing himself to learn how to skate

- used to own every skating magazine and wore Thrasher and Golf religiously in middle school

sasha

- was a surprisingly a picky eater for the first few years of her life and would only ever order dinosaur chicken nuggets until one day her dad convinced her to try something else and she never looked back

- used to be called the “jump rope queen” in elementary school and held the record for longest time spent without messing up

- her family are the richest farmers in Paradis and she grew up around a lot of animals. she has a horse, two pigs and several chicken

- used to think bloody mary was real and refused to be in any room with a mirror and the lights out

hitch

- was in beauty pageants at any early age until she got kicked out of one for cheating and sabotaging other girls

- has a childhood dog named lucky which her family recused from getting hit on the street

- preferred moths over butterflies because she was sad they didn’t get as much love

- used to beg her parents for quarters to get stick on tattoos for the machines

connie

- starting wearing cologne at a very early age because he was terrified ppl could smell that he hadn’t showered yet

- was that kid that had permanently orange fingers from too much cheese puffs

- type to smell his clothes on the floor to see if they’re clean or not

- won the talent show three times in a row in elementary for break dancing (it was the same routine every year)

jean

- only child energy of a rich family so he literally gets whatever he wants, doesn’t really know how to save money just asks for more

- tried to learn how to skate with eren once, failed miserably, and never bothered to try again

- cheese stick addict

- once fell off a moving truck and broke his arm

mikasa

- learned how to play piano and violin early on

- won the spelling bee once and never bothered to do it again

- was the kid who constantly asked where babies come from

- type of kid to get a new article of clothing and wear it to death

historia

- was in ballet for several years

- went through a phase where she was obsessed with chewing gum

- used to go shopping with her mom and lie to their dad about it

- had a cat that would sleep with her every night

[greatcheshire]

i think you've alluded a few times to the weird food situation you had in your upbringing, so i was wondering if you ever talked at length about that? if not, would you be comfortable saying like, what the heck was up with it? if not thats totally fine, i know it's probably a tough subject, but i will admit i am intrigued.

I believe I've talked about it before, but probably through scattered posts and what not, so I don't mind explaining it! If anything just so I have something to link to when people ask lol

CW: abuse I guess? Idk if this counts for abuse or not but just for safety's sake

Basically I wasn't really exposed to a lot of food as a young child. Like I was a picky eater at a young age, which isn't that unique, but my mom wouldn't pressure me to step out of my comfort zone at all and try anything else (vegetables, bread, most food) and instead resort to whatever I already liked. By the time I was five, this had evolved into my mom rarely, if ever, cooking anything for me and my sister, with her often just getting me fast food nuggets or me having to cook whatever a five year old could easily make and would want to make (aka a lot of microwave pizzas, dinosaur nuggets, hot dogs, and mozzarella sticks. She would give me Twinkies for breakfast, though, as they were "a source of bread so they're healthy"). As a result of this, even if I did want to try new foods, I was often unable to, as they weren't in the house or not something I could easily prep or understand myself.

This evolved once again around the time I was in middle school when my mom had me placed on a very restrictive diet in order to present a legal case for the court regarding my custody, treatment, and physical and mental health. She worked with my doctor at the time to put me on a diet where the only restriction was I couldn't eat anything over 7% saturated fat, which quickly showed to be a flawed system, as it meant I could eat as many cookies as I wanted but wasn't allowed a single yogurt cup. As part of this diet, my mom basically refused to buy any food for me that wasn't cinnamon rolls or Ritz crackers dipped in ranch dressing. So for a few years, so long as I was at my mom's, I was eating either cinnamon rolls or Ritz with ranch for three meals a day, minus the days I could sneak out and secretly use money to buy myself lunch somewhere. I remember one time she had me take a glucose test (where you have to fast and then get your blood drawn every hour for, like, 8 hours) and refused to get me anything real to eat afterwards so I chugged a few Vitamin Waters and ate Ritz crackers with ranch dressing in the hopes that it would help the woozy feeling that comes with having so much blood drawn after fasting.

When I was 14 my mom died and I was now living with my dad full time and at this point my palate began to expand, mainly due to my stepmom encouraging/pressuring me to try things that weren't just chicken tenders, cheese sticks, hot dogs, or pizza. However, I wasn't fully out of the clear yet, as my dad is also a picky, meat and potatoes kinda guy. So while I was trying more and more foods, it was a lot of stuff like pork chops or ribs or brisket or steak. Still good things to try! But not a lot of variety, especially for a family that doesn't eat non-American foods except for Taco Bell and doesn't keep fruits or vegetables in the house. Furthermore, I also had the point where despite being a teenager, being kept away from so much food for so long made me sort of averse to even breaking that barrier. Why try bread at this point when I'm 15 and know that I don't like it? What if I have it and it's gross? What if I finally do try lettuce and it makes me sick? Even when I did try things, a lot of it tasted so differently from what my tastebuds were used to that it was hard to learn to actually like it. This is something I still struggle with, to be honest: how to determine if I actually don't like the taste of something or if's just a new taste I've never experienced before.

It would kinda stay stagnant like this until I was 19, just finishing up my first year in college and about to go into my second. And as we all know, college is the time for discovery and experimentation, which in this case meant trying bread. I don't know why I started branching out into more foods then. I think I had just gotten so tired of eating the same thing every day, especially now that I was on my own in a dorm, that I wanted to at least try some new things, especially if I had a dining hall I could just grab things from. I still didn't explore THAT much, if I'm being honest with myself, but from that point on, at least I started to eat bread and burgers and sandwiches and wasn't totally adverse to the idea anymore.

My food exploration kinda slowed down in my later years in college, mainly because I didn't have the dining hall plan anymore and was low on cash and, well, when you have so little money, you're going to stick with safe food choices because if you spend $10 on a new dish and you hate it, well, guess you're out of dinner money now. But thankfully this year, through friends and travel and my own volition, I've started trying more and more things, trying to adapt to a "I'll try whatever" mentality (unless it has nuts in it because wow I hate nuts so much). It took a while, and I'm still learning and dealing with things, but I've come to realize that I don't need to fear food anymore, and now that I have my own place with my own income, I can purchase and try whatever I want to and don't have to worry about any outside pressure one way or the other. It's been a struggle. But it's getting better.

I hope that clears things up! I'm sure there's probably still questions and maybe this doesn't make sense at all but I hope fills in some gaps, at the very least.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Date Night Debauchery

The first post of Chubtober is a gift for my lovely friend, Cherry.

Read here or on AO3!

---

“Hey Hobs, do you want to go out with us tonight? You can bring Yoongi, we would love to see him again. It’s been so long!” Jimin asked with a hopeful expression. 

His co-teacher at the dance academy rarely went out with them and they had only ever met Hoseok’s partner, Yoongi, a handful of times. The last time they saw Yoongi was nearly two years ago when Hoseok had started at the academy and the pair accepted invitations to welcome dinners.  

Jimin was very understanding and kind every time Hoseok mentioned that Yoongi was quite introverted and didn’t enjoy going out much. He would simply say that his partner, Jungkook, was similar and he hoped the couple knew that the invitation was always still there if they wanted to accept. 

Hoseok shook his head and honestly did look a little dejected. Jimin was a difficult person to say no to considering how genuine he always was.  “Sorry, Min-ah, you know Friday night is date night. Maybe another time!”

“Okay, have a good night! We’ll have a drink for you!” 

Sending them a parting wave, Hoseok hightailed it to his car. He had a few errands to run before he went home including picking up dinner. Making quick work of his pit stops, he was pulling into their driveway just thirty minutes later. 

Although he sometimes thought about taking Jimin up on the offer to go out, Friday nights with Yoongi were not something Hoseok ever wanted to give up. Uninterrupted time with his partner was always a priority, but over the past two years, the activities they partook in on date night had changed for the better in both their opinions.

“Yoon! I’m home!” Hoseok called out, waiting to see if he would get an answer. When he didn’t, he smiled and carried his bags into the kitchen. Yoongi loved a good nap after work so Hoseok never really questioned if he was taking a nap, just where he had ended up dozing off. 

After putting his haul away and separating their takeout into portions, Hoseok walked into the living room to find his partner just waking up from his sprawl on the couch as expected. Yoongi’s comfortable work-from-home outfit left little to the imagination, not that Hoseok minded the opportunity to ogle his partner’s evergrowing soft frame.

Hoseok knelt beside the couch and placed a hand on Yoongi’s plump cheek. He moved his thumb back and forth for a moment, excited for what the rest of the night held for them. “Hi, baby.” 

“Hey, how was your day?” Yoongi asked as he struggled a bit to sit up. He tugged his shirt down that had ridden up during his nap, a small strip of skin still visible at the bottom even after his adjustment. 

“Great, my seniors finally hit their routine and Jiminie and I came up with cool choreography for our new group. How about yours?” Hoseok replied, running a hand up and down Yoongi’s soft thigh - squeezing every now and then because he couldn’t resist sinking his fingers into his boyfriend’s skin. 

Yoongi shrugged and pouted his lips for a kiss before answering. “It was fine. Got a new set of lyrics finished with Joon and I picked up a new project from a group that is trying a new dark concept that I’m really into. Also, we need more peanut butter and ice cream sandwiches.” 

Hoseok nodded with a laugh. “Got it, I’ll add it to the grocery list. Ready for dinner?” 

“Absolutely, I’m starving,” Yoongi answered, patting his stomach and looking up at Hoseok who was now standing. “Did you get extra cheese?” 

“Of course, babe, I know your order by heart,” Hoseok said before heading to the kitchen, collecting the pizza boxes and extra add-ons like his salad and Yoongi’s cinnamon sticks. “You want beer or coke?” 

Yoongi gave him a little shy smile as he accepted one of the pizza boxes. “Both, please.” 

Hoseok kissed his forehead, watching as Yoongi grabbed the first slice and the edge of the box rested on the top of his stomach. His boyfriend was already to the crust when he got back with their drink selections. “Want any of my salad, Yoon?” 

Letting out an amused laugh, Yoongi shook his head while his mouth was full of the majority of his second slice. “I’m good, Hoba.” 

Cracking open one of the Coke cans, Hoseok handed it to Yoongi and warned him, “Here, babe, make sure you don’t choke.” 

Yoongi accepted the drink, chugging down half before going right back into his pizza. The box was now beside him on the couch, pizza in one hand and Coke in the other while they both rested on his stomach. “They kind of skimped on the bacon this time.”

Hoseok leaned over to inspect the pizza and he did have to agree, they went a little light on the toppings. “Yeah, they did, that’s annoying. Want me to go grab some of ours?” 

“Yes, please,” Yoongi responded with another sweet smile that had Hoseok ready to give him anything he ever wanted. He watched as his boyfriend let two handfuls of bacon bits rain down on what was left of his pizza before thanking him. “Mmm, much better. Thanks, jagi.” 

Hoseok then let Yoongi work on his pizza while he ate his salad and found something to watch. His boyfriend was starting on slice number six by the time Hoseok opened his pizza box which he knew would become Yoongi’s soon anyway. 

One pizza was nothing for him these days so Hoseok grabbed two slices for himself and put the box next to Yoongi so he could move seamlessly onto the next pizza once he finished his own. 

“Hey, babe, can I get another drink?” Yoongi asked after draining the can of Coke. Hoseok immediately had a can of beer open for him and, without missing a beat, he opened another as he knew that Yoongi always chugged the first beer in one go no matter how far in they were. 

Letting out a belch after downing his beer, Yoongi excused himself and accepted the second can. He kissed Hoseok on the cheek and absent-mindedly rubbed the top of his stomach for a brief moment, taking a quick measure of how full he was and determining that he had plenty of room left. 

Hoseok smirked when he noticed Yoongi spread his legs a bit and recline into the cushions. If he was getting comfortable on the couch, that meant he was planning on really going for it - ready to be stuck for a while instead of keeping it light enough to waddle off to bed when they were done. 

Reaching over to give Yoongi’s stomach a gentle prod, Hoseok followed it with a few encouraging smacks. “Come on, Yoon, it’s going to start getting cold soon. You hate cold pizza.”

Yoongi sighed, knowing that his boyfriend was right, and dug back in. He handed his beer to Hoseok and grabbed two slices, stacking them on top of each other and getting them down in what felt like seconds. After picking up the last slice of his pizza, he tossed the empty box onto the coffee table and pulled Hoseok’s closer to him. 

“Good job, baby,” Hoseok whispered, followed by a firm squeeze to Yoongi’s still-soft underbelly. “You have more after the pizza and I’m feeling a little impatient tonight. I might have to start feeding you myself soon.” 

If anything, that was more encouragement to slow down because Yoongi loved it when Hoseok fed him, but he, at least, needed to finish the pizza before handing over his control. He started in on his boyfriend’s pizza, realizing it would be easier to get down since it was simple pepperoni instead of the meat lovers he had just put away. 

Hosoek wondered if Yoongi had taken it easy during the day because he was actually maintaining a quick pace, going against the persistent teasing that had been happening. As he thought about it, he concluded that he couldn’t have gone that easy because there were at least four ice cream sandwiches left when he grabbed ice from the freezer that morning and now they were gone. 

By the time Hoseok had finished his salad and a couple of slices, Yoongi only had two left from the second pizza and his clothes were starting to look a little uncomfortable. “Finish that pizza, Yoon, and then I’ll help.” 

Yoongi simply nodded and continued powering through, grabbing the last two slices and wolfing them down as fast as possible. The waistband of his sweatpants was cutting into him and he wanted Hoseok to take over - reaching a level of feeding fatigue even if he definitely had room left to eat more. 

Slipping one hand beneath the tight band, Hoseok pulled it below Yoongi’s heavy belly. He moved his hands under the tight t-shirt to travel up from the soft underside across his midsection until he reached the crest of his now taut stomach, giving it an inquisitive press that brought a rumbling moan from his boyfriend’s chest. 

“There you go, baby. Much more comfortable, you just need more room, right?” Hoseok said teasingly, watching as Yoongi’s belly spread into his lap when he finally removed his hands. 

With that, Yoongi’s reprieve had ended as he watched Hoseok grab a bag from the restaurant and turn it over to dump out the contents. He wasn’t even sure how his boyfriend managed to get a bag full of icing cups for one order, but he would never complain about it. 

There was clearly enough to have one cup with each cinnamon stick which is exactly how Hoseok fed it to him. It was sickly sweet, but Yoongi couldn’t say no to the indulgent dessert. Part of him wished they saved a bit of the savory stuff to alternate bites, although Hoseok’s pace didn’t really allow for breaks anyway. 

After the fourth one, Yoongi simply gave into his partner’s control. He opened his mouth and ate what he was given without hesitation - reclined heavily into the couch cushions with his hands on his very full stomach until the dessert box was empty and it felt like every inch of his stomach was lined with cream cheese icing. 

Yoongi hadn’t even realized the steady stream of cinnamon and sugar stopped until Hoseok’s prodding hand was back on his stomach, finding very little give in his taut skin. He always ate a lot, especially at his boyfriend’s hand, but Yoongi felt absolutely beached tonight - dough and cheese with a bunch of sugar on top filling his stomach to the brim. 

“You okay, babe? You’re looking rather full,” Hoseok asked quietly as he continued his gentle massage of Yoongi’s bloated stomach. He knew Yoongi would answer with moans and groans for a little while, digesting his massive meal. 

This was Hoseok’s favorite part. That pride in seeing his handiwork on Yoongi’s frame, feeding his boyfriend into temporary immobile bliss. They could gladly spend hours this way - Hoseok manhandling and teasing Yoongi while he just let all the sensations overwhelm him. 

“Jiminie asked me to go out for drinks again. I keep telling him Fridays are date nights and he always offers for you to come, to see everyone again.” 

Yoongi made a small sound of embarrassment for two reasons. One, knowing where this conversation was headed, and two, from the gurgling sound of his stomach every time Hoseok pressed on a sensitive area.  

“Imagine what they would think of you now, baby. They haven’t seen you since I joined the studio and they see all those college pictures on the wall in my office. Remember how much smaller you were back then? Would they even recognize you? What happened to my little college basketball player, hmm?”

The moan Yoongi let out was his only answer, throwing his head back against the couch as Hoseok moved to straddle him - fighting his distended middle for space. The arousal overpowered the shame from his partner’s humiliating words. He could only imagine the look on Hoseok’s coworkers’ faces if they saw him again, especially Jimin whom Yoongi matched in stature two years and many, many pounds ago. 

Hoseok’s hands continued their caress of Yoongi’s belly as he placed random kisses on his partner’s exposed neck. He leaned forward slightly to rest more of his much slighter weight on Yoongi’s middle, bringing yet another guttural moan out of the bigger man. 

“You finished everything so fast, ate like a starving man when we both know you are never starving these days. I wonder how many snacks you pack away while I’m gone. Seems like there is something new on the grocery list every day.”

Yoongi was a non-verbal mess as he often became under his partner’s attention. He was convinced that Hoseok had the ability to cast some sort of spell over him, convincing him to melt under dedicated hands and intense words. 

“We still have time to go meet up with them, could get all dressed up and go out, but we both know that’s not happening since you wouldn’t be able to get off the couch by yourself. You can’t even fit this gut in your sweatpants right now. Putting jeans on would be a nightmare.” 

Hoseok was excitedly anticipating Yoongi’s response as it normally went one of two ways on nights like this. He would either completely agree and let Hoseok have his way with him or he would find a little resolve to argue back. Hoseok loved when Yoongi argued back. 

“I can get up just fine, thank you very much,” Yoongi mumbled, cheeks pink from both the heat of the moment and his partner’s endless teasing. 

With a raised brow, Hoseok climbed off Yoongi’s lap and he let out a disbelieving laugh. “Alright, big guy, let’s see it then.” 

Yoongi huffed in response to the nickname and the demand. He knew better than to challenge Hoseok and based on how much effort it took to attempt the first scooch forward, this was going to be a difficult attempt. All that food was heavy in his stomach, pushing both up and out in a way that made breathing a little tough and bending forward impossible. 

Rocking back and forth a few times, Yoongi stood slowly while using the little bit of momentum he built up. It took all of his strength to push past the wave of heartburn that rippled up his throat as he stood, a deep belch being forced out from the pressure on his middle. He let out a low breath, trying to hide the amount of effort it took. 

“See, per…perfectly fine,” Yoongi huffed, trying to act naturally as if his body was begging for him to collapse back into the cushions. He tugged his shirt back down around his distended middle as far as it would reach and rested his hands on his hips, pretending that his stomach didn’t feel like a lead weight hanging off of him. 

The necessary arch of Yoongi’s back to support his overfilled belly only pushed it farther forward, testing the limits of his already snug shirt. After a few more heaving breaths, he felt balanced enough to stay standing, but Yoongi knew that anything more than that would require assistance and at least another hour of digestion time.

Hoseok laughed and palmed the underside of Yoongi’s bloated stomach, giving it a gentle shake. “Well, clearly I haven’t fed you enough if you are ‘perfectly fine’. Sit down, baby, I’ll be back, and don’t even think about touching yourself.” 

Yoongi’s eyes widened as he heard the no-nonsense tone from Hoseok. He already felt ready to burst and he made the mistake of mouthing off to his partner. Tonight was far from over now. 

Part of Yoongi wanted to push it even more, maybe taking off his shirt or refusing to sit down, but he was already in for a little pain before his pleasure and that was enough for him. He fell back onto the couch with a heavy thud, groaning at the poor choice on his part - a sudden hit of nausea overcoming him with the jostling of his full stomach. 

Yoongi closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, resetting himself and preparing for the next round of food as if he hadn’t just put away eighty percent of their takeout order himself. Friday nights were always interesting, but he loved when Hoseok got a little mean, giving up all his control to his typically sunshiny partner. 

When Hoseok walked back into the living room with the unopened quart of vanilla ice cream and a bag of honey butter chips, Yoongi was confused. This was not a normal choice for his partner - ice cream obviously, but what was the point of the chips? 

Hoseok set the container of ice cream on the coffee table out of Yoongi’s reach and held out the bag of chips for the other to take. As he took the bag from his partner’s hand, Yoongi realized that there was a certain item missing from Hoseok’s haul - a spoon. 

Before Yoongi could ask any questions, he was given new instructions that made his eyes widen. Hoseok was full of surprises apparently. 

“Okay, big man, since you are feeling so confident tonight, you earned a little prize for yourself. You are going to eat those chips, keep yourself nice and full until this ice cream melts and once it’s ready, you are going to drink the whole thing, got it?” Hoseok explained as he stood in front of the couch, hands on his hips with a look of absolute seriousness on his face. 

Yoongi felt a shiver run down his spine at the tone of his partner’s voice. It had been a while since they had a night like this and thankfully he was sitting because this side of Hoseok always made him weak in the knees. 

“Yeah, got it.” 

“Mhmm, what was that?” Hoseok asked with a smirk.

“Yes, sir, I understand.” 

“Good boy.” 

Yoongi did everything he could to hold back the moan threatening to fall from his lips. The ask alone made him motivated, but the tone of Hoseok’s voice was nearly enough to send him over the edge untouched. 

Without further hesitation, Yoongi opened the bag of chips and put three in his mouth, ready to work through the bag like it was his job. He had to ignore the fact that his stomach was not on the same page as his mind. His body was screaming at him to be done with sweetened carbs for the night, but Yoongi had certainly trained his stomach at this point to persevere. 

He was desperate to have Hoseok’s hands back on him, but Yoongi knew that he wouldn’t get that until the ice cream was gone. That was the trade-off for being mouthy even if it was incredibly worth it in the end. 

Yoongi couldn’t help but smirk at Hoseok looking as if he could barely restrain himself from jumping back into Yoongi’s lap - well, whatever room was left for him. He simply continued pushing through the bags of chips, focusing on following all of Hoseok’s rules. 

Completely unaware of how much time had passed, Yoongi startled when his hand met the bottom of the now-empty chip bag. He looked up to find Hoseok’s amused expression looking back at him. 

“So greedy you didn’t even realize you ate the whole bag,” Hoseok teased while taking the empty bag out of his hand. “I gave you enough time to pace yourself for the ice cream to melt and yet you just can’t help yourself.”

Yoongi felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment before it shifted to a bit of discomfort. It was like the entire bag of chips hit his stomach all at once since he had zoned out through tearing through it. 

Letting out an involuntary groan, Yoongi leaned back and his hands found his stomach - his incredibly tight stomach. The pure amount of cheese, sugar, and grease fighting for room would be concerning if he didn’t absolutely love how full and fattening it felt. 

“So full…” Yoongi groaned as if he had any chance of stopping Hoseok’s plans. He was the one who brought this on himself and the pain of pushing through was always worth the reward in the end. 

Hoseok dropped onto his knees beside Yoongi considering his lap especially was lacking room for him to take his usual spot. He ran his hand up from Yoongi’s soft hip until he drummed his fingers across the taut crest of his partner’s overly full stomach. 

“I bet your ice cream is all melted now, baby.”

Yoongi felt packed so full that the thought of ice cream, melted or not, on top of everything else made him a bit nauseous, but the arousal of knowing that he could be more full with Hoseok’s hands all over him outweighed any feeling of sickness. 

“Can you do it?” Yoongi asked, certain that Hoseok would be nothing but excited at the request. 

Hoseok grabbed the container with a smile and carefully removed the lid, not wanting to spill a drop. “With pleasure, darling.” 

The anticipation sent a low heat through Yoongi’s groin, hoping that Hoseok would be ready to do all the work considering he felt glued to the couch before the ice cream that was about to sit at the top of his stomach. 

Yoongi felt the cold condensation on his bottom lip as Hoseok held the container up to his mouth. He was the farthest thing from hungry, but his mouth still watered like he hadn’t eaten in days. 

Although it was melted, the ice cream was still thick and cold as he started to drink - no reprieve from Hoseok as he held the container at a steady angle. The chilled liquid relieved some of the pain in his stomach at first until chugging reminded him just how little room he had left. 

The sugar-filled cream quite literally had nowhere to go except sit directly on top of his stomach. Every swallow felt like it was pushing Yoongi’s stomach farther than it had ever been pushed before. He was familiar with the feeling of going over his limit, but it had been quite a while since he felt that pinch in his side telling him to stop. 

Hoseok, ever observant, seemed to notice and gave him a little break - eyeing the bit of cream that dribbled down Yoongi’s chin as he did. He leaned in to lick it up slowly, enjoying the intimate taste of his partner. “Almost as sweet as you, sugar.” 

That sent Yoongi right back into a state of nonverbal mess, just able to moan in response as he was desperate for more. More of what? He didn’t even know. Possibly Hoseok’s touch, but now, Yoongi wanted nothing more than to prove how good he was even if his body disagreed.

At the moment though, he genuinely needed a break. The pinch in his side was slowly becoming a cramp. His breathing was felt quicker simply because he feared a deep breath may cause him to pop. 

Hoseok noticed Yoongi’s intentional breaths and smirked, wondering if he needed a little help digesting. He palmed Yoongi’s swollen belly and jostled it side to side. Yoongi immediately grabbed his partner’s hand in a tight grip, giving a silent signal that he could not handle the movement.

The last thing Yoongi wanted was to tap out and shaking his stomach would certainly make that happen. Seeing the way Yoongi’s eyes were closed as he breathed through the moment, Hoseok instantly got the hint and started running his fingers through his partner’s hair - peppering Yoongi’s face with soft kisses. 

Yoongi couldn’t help the relieved and endeared feeling that filled his chest as Hoseok was fully in tune with him, switching his touches to tender caresses. They may both love the intensity and teasing, but respect and care for each other were always going to be the priority. 

Hoseok brought his lips to Yoongi’s ear, kissing his neck just below and whispering, “Tell me what’s going on, baby.” 

“Just needed a break, I promise.” 

“You sure?” 

Yoongi started nodding, not wanting to lose the incredible direction of their “date night” as he had looked forward to Friday nights every single week. “Want to finish…please.” 

Hoseok smirked once again, leaning back and holding Yoongi’s plump cheeks in his hands. “My good boy, such good manners.” 

Yoongi involuntarily moaned in response to the praise, always reaching a point of uncontrollable desperation at this point of the night. He would be embarrassed if Hoseok didn’t love it. His moan, however, was cut off by the container once again finding his lips. 

Opening his mouth and leaning his head back against the couch, Yoongi watched in satisfaction as Hoseok’s eyes lit up. The container was tilting up in an instant, now angled higher as the cold yet melted cream poured into his mouth at a much higher pace. 

Yoongi never knew how Hoseok was capable of pushing his body past what he thought were his limits. It’s as if Hoseok’s praise and touch alone increased his stomach capacity. 

Seeming to go into another place mentally, Yoongi ignored everything except Hoseok’s warm hand on his belly and gentle praises in his ear. The second half of the pint was gone faster than the first, but it made itself just as well known. 

When Hoseok pulled the contained away, he saw every bit of Yoongi’s pleasure and pain - well aware that they had gone farther tonight than they had since close to the beginning. He didn’t know why since it was just a normal Friday night for them, but something was in the air that night.

Yoongi finally opened his eyes as he was missing Hoseok’s touch, confused as to the long pause. Usually, his partner would have been back on his lap and starting to get into his pants by now. 

To Yoongi’s surprise, Hoseok was in front of him with his phone out, apparently taking photos. The blush once again returned to Yoongi’s cheeks when he saw the pride on Hoseok’s face which was honestly deserved considering the work his partner had put into feeding him up. 

Without another warning, the photos were the farthest thing from Yoongi’s mind as Hoseok dropped to his knees in front of the couch and pulled the offensively tight fabric from Yoongi’s torso. 

After his shirt was pushed up to his chest, Yoongi expected Hoseok to move on to fight with the tight waistband of his sweatpants, but he was surprised by the warm sensation of Hoseok’s lips on the sensitive skin of his belly. 

Yoongi felt heat rise through his body when Hoseok dedicated himself to worshipping the angry pink lines across Yoongi’s pale middle. As if he weren’t covered in enough marks, Yoongi knew that his belly would be covered in a spread of sweet purple love bites to accompany his variety of old and new stretchmarks. 

Between the sudden nips from Hoseok’s teeth followed by the soothing open-mouth kisses, Yoongi could form no words. He sat heavily, melting into the couch cushions as he panted through the barrage of sensations from his partner. 

Yoongi’s hand found Hoseok’s hair and grabbed a handful, tugging slightly in a nonverbal attempt at reprieve. Before pulling away, Hoseok spent another ten seconds on the same spot he had been focused on, ensuring that a dark bruise would be left behind. 

Hoseok couldn’t help the smirk that formed on his face when he saw the absolute deshelved state of his partner. Yoongi was clearly trying and failing to keep it together and Hoseok loved being the one to cause that. 

“What’s wrong, my love?” Hoseok asked so sweetly as if he wasn’t just ravishing Yoongi’s array of stretch marks. 

Yoongi huffed and let his head fall back against the couch again to continue trying to collect himself. “Babe, if you keep going, I’m going to cum in pants like a teenager.” 

Hoseok laughed brightly, not expecting that response before bringing his expression back to an even more mischievous smirk. “Well, Yoon, that sounds like I’m doing my job correctly.” 

It seemed that Yoongi’s break was over as Hoseok’s hands sunk into his still taut belly and his lips found a new mark to focus on. He was immediately worked back to the edge of release as if they hadn’t taken a break at all. 

At that point, Yoongi knew better than to fight it and let himself fall into the bliss of Hoseok’s affection. He let the moans reverberate through his chest freely and melted into the soft couch. His hands found Hoseok’s hair once again, but this time in an encouraging, loving touch rather than a resistant one. 

Hoseok’s teeth scraped against Yoongi’s skin once again sending a shiver up his spine. His soft thighs instinctively tightened around his partner’s body that was still knelt between his legs. Hoseok blew a soft, cool breath across Yoongi’s flushed, warm skin spreading chills across his body. 

Pleasure was not a new sensation to Yoongi, but he certainly loved when Hoseok got creative in how to give it to him. Another strong grip of his thick sides was followed by a strong bite to one of his newer stretchmarks, the skin incredibly sensitive to the touch. 

Yoongi barely registered any pain at this point, just the hefty weight of his middle becoming less and less apparent with the impending release of the tension between them. He turned his face to the side and buried his chin into the cushion, finding a place to muffle his growing whines that accompanied his strung-together moans. 

Hoseok’s hand suddenly gripped his plump chin and brought their lips together as his other hand trailed down Yoongi’s belly, fighting slightly with his stretched-thin waistband until he could finish what he started. 

All that could be heard throughout their open living room was a final sobbing groan from Yoongi before labored breathing and Hoseok’s gentle whispers of praise were left. Neither knew how much time had passed when they finally separated enough to finally look at each other, and then promptly burst into laughter. 

“Well, this night has gone better than I even planned,” Hoseok said lightly, following it with a much sweeter kiss than his previous. 

Yoongi simply nodded and let his head fall back to his partner’s shoulder. “God, I’m exhausted.”

Hoseok chuckled again as he nodded. “I can imagine. You have a lot of calories and a good orgasm working against you.”

It was Yoongi’s turn to laugh since he really couldn’t disagree. What he could disagree with was the fact that Hoseok held his hands out to offer Yoongi help up as if that was something possible at the moment. 

“Hoba…jagiya, if you think I’m getting up any time soon, you are mistaken.” 

Hoseok did laugh, but Yoongi also saw the challenging look in his partner’s eye. “You need to get out of those pants at the very least, but we both could use a shower before bed.” 

Yoongi continued to look at Hoseok as if he were insane until he let out a deep sigh and finally brought his shirt back down to a slightly more acceptable place than bunched up under his arms. Although, his still very full belly made it more of a crop top than a full shirt. 

“15 minutes?” Yoongi asked, knowing he didn’t stand a chance bargaining against Hoseok. 

“Oh, sure, I can get you a little snack for your break too,” Hoseok responded, pointing over his shoulder to the kitchen. 

Yoongi groaned and held out his hands with an almost pitiful look on his face, knowing that was not an empty threat from his partner. “You are such a menace.” 

Hoseok could only laugh once more as he grabbed Yoongi’s hands and braced himself to help his heavy partner off the couch. He watched fondly as Yoongi wiggled to the edge of the couch cushion, mumbling about how he was going to be so bloated in the morning - as if that was a new thing for Saturday mornings. 

Once he was up, Yoongi felt Hoseok’s hands immediately wrapping around him from the back as his partner started to direct them down the hall to their bedroom. The walk was slow and slightly embarrassing as Hoseok commented on Yoongi’s ambling waddle to accommodate his stuffed belly. 

Yoongi couldn’t bring himself to actually feel any shame when all the comments were followed by the gentlest kisses to his neck and cheeks just as they were every time they made that walk from the living room to the bedroom. 

No matter how far Hoseok pushed him, Yoongi always loved date night.

[ratioyangreal]

Thank the cheese god for spawning your pinned post.

- for sunday x luocha, for the bible vibe maybe an alternate universe where the chicken is lucifer and loucha lilith (fluff, smut, whatever)

- welt x ratio, modern au where they are adoptive parents to little mc (mayvbe make caelus and stelle twins??) and they're helping them with their homework;

Also, can you show me the way to your blog where you post sampard and bronle, I rlly need it 🙏

Ehe, no problems, no problems :D

But by the sampard/bronle ships, I meant like other people who have other blogs for them, lol. I don't have a sideblog for sampard/bronle, and I don't plan on making one rn.

anyway, hope you enjoy!

- 🎗️admin

---

a/n : As for the bible study ask, (I'll assume it's a Hazbin Hotel au, for the Lucifer & Lilith names), it sounds actually super cool. Headcanons cuz it's easier for me to write them for bible study lol.

▽

- So we all know that Sunday's the king of hell, right, but he rarely shows himself during exterminations, battles, or soul deals, or literally anything else.

- Cause this man's BUSY

- Like busy with meetings, doing more deals that gain his power, making himself unable to dethrone, etc.

- He's constantly making sure his assistants can do everything properly, running around his palace, just like.

- Ordering around his servants to do everything. Making sure they know how to do it, etc

- After he's sure no one in Hell can dethrone him,

- He just. Sleeps.

- Like just goes snmohg mimimimimi

- Obviously his bed’s like the Princess and The Pea story,

- like 5 fluffiest mattresses for him and he sleeps like a baby

- As soon as he lays down

- 💤

- (I feel like Loucha would just walk in on Sunday just passed out in bed

- And just doesn't care,

- He's just like, “oh ok my husband's asleep” and Sunday’s posing like jesus christ on the stick, closed eyes and everything.)

- (But then he wakes up because he heard the door creaking as Loucha opened it lmao.)

- Anyway, Sunday's a light sleeper and he probably locks his door whenever he sleeps too lmao.

- Just to avoid getting woken up.

- When he is awake, Loucha is either out travelling the rings of hell, or cooking something for the both of them.

- I feel like Loucha would just be like those girly girl queens that hit the slay pose every now and then /j

- anyway they're content with living like royalty and doing their own thing tbh

✧

a/n : For the modern au ratioyang with adopted children!cosmic twins, AAAAAAAA- I'm in love with it. Some headcanons because. Because :).

▽

OK SO-

- Ratio wasn't fond of the idea of adopting two kids from an orphanage at first, I mean.. they are there for a reason, right??

- Welt would probably be the one to convince him, let's say he just wants to adopt them both okay. And Ratio’s, not really interested in the idea at first.

- Because, children are a lot of work y'know

- Until,,,, Ratio finds out that they both hold a stelleron in them.

- So the two end up adopting both of them.

- He'd probably end up studying them if it wasn't for Welt smh /j

- And like, Ratio treats them like his students, strict and expecting the best manners, and grades.

- But Welt helps his partner show a bit more love to the twins, and which Ratio allows himself to actually treat them like children, his children. His and Welt's.

- (I'll assume they're in high school),

- Ratio firstly doesn't think his kids need help with studying or schoolwork,

- mainly because they've listened to both of their parents squabble over science, mathematical calculations, and other stuff related.

- So it surprises him when Caelus asks for help on chemistry.

- Obviously, he's all “You don't know how to do this? This is the most simplistic thing I've ever seen!”

- But he eventually does help him,

- (without being an egotistical ass)

- (believe it or not)

- Stelle, on the other hand, turns to Welt for help on maths.

- To which Welt happily accepts, and teaches Stelle like an actual good teacher, and makes sure she's listening and understanding.

- They both have very different ways of teaching, however both of their children end up passing their exams anyways.

- So they're both proud.

- (ratio shows caelus off to his class definitely)

- (All like “You see, Caelus is a perfect example of a good student. And you morons have to learn from him.”)

---

[bakingtherapy]

Briella’s Winterfest Baking 17: Wedding Cake

Sul Sul, Gerbits! You probably clicked on this video thinking that it was going to be a beautiful wedding cake but no. I decided I was going to save money and make my own cake. I honestly didn’t want to share this with you guys. But here it is, my wedding cake, also my first ever cake.

Sul Sul, Gerbits! Before there are any questions, yes I am in my wedding dress. I don’t know why I wanted to make a cake in a dress, let alone my wedding dress. But hey, let me be me. 

So, today we are going to be making Rosanna Pansino’s Carrot Cake from here new Cookbook “Baking all Year Round.” Getting this book was really exciting because she has helped me understand that I can bake.

For this recipe, you are going to need:

flour

brown sugar

cinnamon

nutmeg

baking powder

baking soda

Some salt

butter or margarine, whichever you can afford at the time. You could also do what I did, and used half margarine and half vegetable shortening. There is no taste difference in the end.

You are also going to need some eggs

vanilla extract

shredded carrots.

These ingredients are all for the cake itself. 

For the cream cheese frosting, you are going to need

a package of cream cheese

butter or margarine

powdered sugar

salt

vanilla extract.

The recipe that I used called for almond extract as well. However, I just added a little bit more vanilla extract. It tasted really good. 

Ugh.. Past Briella forgot to say to: Preheat your oven to 350. Then, grease two 8-inch round cake pans, and line the bottoms with rounds of parchment paper. 

In a large bowl you are going to mix your dry ingredients. Which consist of flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking powder, baking soda and salt. 

In a different medium-sized bowl, you are going to whisk together butter, eggs, and vanilla. 

You are then going to make a whole in your dry flour mixture, this is where you are going to put the egg mixture. Then mix these together until there is no streaks of flour, however, do not over-mix.

You are going to slowly add your carrots. You don’t want one section of the cake to have more carrots than the others, so make sure to fold it in evenly.

At this point, you want to divide the cake mixture evenly into the cake pans. What I did was I grabbed a big ice cream scoop and measured that way. That way I knew that both of them were equal.

You then are going to bake these cakes for about 45 to 55 minutes. If you stick a knife or toothpick into it and it comes out clean then the cakes are done. 

Let the cakes cool in the pan for 15 minutes, after this time is up you are going to turn them out onto wire racks so that they can cool completely.

The recipe says to level off the top with a cake leveler or a knife. 

Present Briella: Welp! I didn’t do that. And the cake still tasted really good.

While the cakes are cooling, you can make your cream cheese frosting. To make that you are going to need another large bowl. And in that bowl, you are going to beat the cream cheese with an electric mixer for about 1 minute.

After the cream cheese is smooth, you are going to add the butter until it is well combined with the cream cheese, about 2 to 3 minutes. 

Present Brie: REALLY! Why is the drone in my face?

This step is important! You need to add ALL of the powdered sugar, the recipe calls for 5 cups of powdered sugar. Don’t do what I did and just use 3 cups of powdered sugar because you think it would be less sweet. In order for the frosting not to be runny it needs to have the 5 cups of frosting. 

Present Briella: I Love how mom is trying to steal the spotlight, in a non-stealing way. God I love her. She is so extra. 

After you add the powdered sugar, you are going to add your vanilla and salt. At this point, the cakes should be cooled enough. However, If they are still warm to the touch, leave them on the counter for a little while. 

Now it is time to decorate. There is no way to tell someone how to decorate a cake, so I am just going to tell you how I did it. I made some of the frosting orange and a little bit of it green. The frosting job that I did was not the best. But the taste of this cake was really good.

I know that what I am holding is not a carrot cake, or it doesn’t look like one but it really is. I wanted a white and black cake that was a carrot cake. So, I did both. 

Show the original author some 💖💖💖Rosanna Pansinno's Bake All Year Round

Printable version of this Cake recipe: on the blog

Printable version of this Frosting recipe: on the blog

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