#And a bit of my own family's experience
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I have this morbid idea, for 616 Marc to spread his "madness".
Like his new friends? I keep seeing how much they mirror Marc's own history of finding a purpose. And I have this funny prompt where it affected the familial relationship of all of them.
It's a weird turn, where things went to a bit dramatic. There is no magic or space mumbo jumbo. It's a bit more grounded than my previous posts.
Warning, it's a bit...not exactly hunky dory. It's actually pretty bad in a way. I'm weird like that.
Badr tried to stop Marc since it clear that Khonshu is not happy at both of them. But Marc roped him to ignore Khonshu's orders. This made Badr uneasy but he trusts his brother's word more, so he donned the suit again. Until he keeps falling on his face for no reason and the statue in his office suddenly cracks and exploded. Showing that Khonshu is not pleased with him even more.
Now he got a full-on mental breakdown and end up choosing to go to Wakanda and get some spiritual training from the head priestess of Bast.
T'challa noticed that Khonshu is acting more and more like how Bast would act so he contacted the head Priestess in his home, but she refused to leave. Saying that if they truly want her help, then they should put the effort to actually seek her than have everything given in a platter like they are babies.
Marc is still in denial about Khonshu firing them and is a bit upset that Badr left. Blaming it on Khonshu.
Reese's own studies start to get compromised as she is get more and more worried about Marc, and her parents start questioning her devotion to Marc. She doesn't realize as she is getting more and more distant from them. Her family chose to respect her privacy and they didn't say anything since Marc seams to be good for her.
At least, at the beginning.
Now they are noticing Reese barely stays in the house anymore and they can feel this uneasiness every time she leaves.
Reese fights back, defending that she is much safer with Marc. This results in a rift with her family.
Her father eventually got targeted by one of the angry gangs Marc pissed off. And Reese end up getting kicked out when she lost her temper and attacked her mother when the woman blamed Marc for getting her husband's legs broken.
Her mother though, didn't turn to a vampire. No one noticed as they are too busy trying to stop the bleeding from Reese's claws. This is another one of Khonshu's doing, but he didn't show himself nor demand that Reese's mother become a priestess. Just reversed the vampirism.
They just wave it off as being very lucky.
Reese eventually moved back with her parents. But there is a permanent cold wall as her parents now see her as less of a daughter and more of a stranger who can kill them anytime.
The only reason they accepted her back is that they Marc talked to them, and expresses his disappointment at them for making Reese sad. Though it's more like an intimidating threat since he is in a bad mood and is subconciously finding anything to get angry at. Even if he tries to be polite, there is an undertone of uncontrollable anger there.
To which Reese's actual father ask why Marc is acting more like Reese's father now, expressing how distant and disconnected Reese have become ever since she started working for Marc. Almost as if she don't see them as her parents anymore.
They tried to explain the attacks, threats and dangers they have been experiencing as someone manages to trace them after they saw Reese staying with Marc for months.
Marc tries to assure that he will do anything to protect them, but they don't believe him anymore. Especially after the news that he is no longer Moon Knight and don't have the protection of a god.
Eventually, they decided to move away as it is too dangerous for them anymore. And that Marc seems to be doing a better job of being a parent to Reese, so they just gave up.
They explain that Reese can go with them or stay with Marc. She chooses Marc and expresses how disappointed she is on her family for choosing to move. Calling them cowards.
Reese's parents remind her that they are ordinary people, not mercenaries and have no knowledge on how to fight. And as much as they love New York, they will just end up dead. Reese tries to reason that Marc won't let it happen, but then they point out that they can see that Reese is starting to have this semi-blind devotion on Marc. One that they are very worried about, but they know that they can't win against the Midnight Mission. And that they can't always depend on Marc for protection all the time like he is some god
It ends in a fight, but Reese was suddenly blown a few feet behind before she did a fatal blow on both her parents.
Reese then explode on how they are useless, ungrateful sh*ts. And how Marc is way better as he actually did something to help, giving her a job and helping her with her new powers, unlike her parents who only acted distant and expressed disappointment.
There is now a silent agreement that they will never talk to each other again as she pretty much rejected her birth family and chose a new one.
Then she realizes what she said to her parents, and greatly regrets it. To cope with that, Reese practically devotes all her energy to Marc. Mostly cursing her parents for not understanding Marc the same way she does, while trying very hard to not hate or blame herself. For both attacking her parents and saying those things.
Edit:She eventually dropped put of college to work at the Midnight Mission fulltime. Moving into the hotel, refusing to set foot on her old now empty house that only gives her bad memories of a life she left behind. And like Marc, she buries herself in doing Marc's work until it is starting to weight down on her as she refuses to make amends with her past.
And since she doesn't have the backing of a god, (or one she can just put all the blame on since she willingly accepted Marc's help by her own accord) she got in too far with a job that is too dangerous, went full Vampire crazy as a last resort, and eventually failed a mission that got more innocent people killed.
This mirror's Marc turning away from his birth father Elias and picking Khonshu as his new "father".
Soldier's mother's illness is getting worst, he copes by attaching himself to Marc more and more. Pretty much to a point of co-dependence that is getting eerily similar to Marc's unhealthy dependence on Khonshu.
He eventually decided to try and turn his mother to a vampire to stop the cancer. Though Marc told him it is a horrible idea, but this did not stop his anxiety. If anything, it made it worst since as a vampire, he is practically immortal while his mortal family/friends will all die and leave him. A fact that Soldier is still having a hard time accepting, and chooses to ignore it as much as he can.
By burying himself on Marc's work to forget his problems, just like Marc himself.
It reached a point that he start slowly having suicidal tendencies when he would rescue others. Since he can no longer die like a normal person, he would chase after death recklessly at the guise of altruistic behavior so that one day, he will die, be free of this curse that is immortality, and be at peace like his mortal family.
His mother eventually starts to ask if Soldier will keep staying with Marc, as she can feel herself dying and wants to spend the last moments of her life with her son. Soldier though, have grown way, way too dependent on Marc's presence and would leave before he got an emotional panic attack, saying that he can't leave Marc alone to suffer. When in actuality he is the one suffering inside as he stays further away from his emotional rock called "Marc Spector". That and he is still feeling guilty at the fact that his mother is dying while he is practically immortal.
Soldier's mother does explain that she is glad that Soldier have someone to look up to, but it seems that it is only creating a bigger rift between them as while Soldier was a henchman, he wasn't emotionally attached to his old boss. But now he is an emotionally dependent acolyte, and his mother can see it as her grandfather used to be a fanatical member of a doomsday cult in the mid-west.
She easily noticed that Soldier would sound like her grandfather when the man would talk about Marc. And this only alarms her even more as her grandfather once tried to kill his wife to "save" her. All she can do is pray to anyone listening, that her son will be safe, loose his unhealthy dependency and come back to his senses.
Someone is actually listening in the shadows.
Tigra's son starts to notice his mother's growing fixation on Marc, and feels a bit bothered at how her mother is trying to push Marc to be a new father figure to him. Even bringing the boy to the Midnight Mission one night to visit. William is just too polite to voice it out, but he can feel something wrong in the air inside the building, like someone telling him to leave. Yet everyone tries to act like it fine.
William is intuitive enough to see that they are all lying.
He is also seeing less and less of his own mother as she spends more time taking care of Marc.
Tigra hopes to get a solid relationship with Marc but it just won't reach that point of perfect commitment so she keeps trying and refuses to give up. But she doesn't see that she is slowly starting to leave her son behind in her endeavours.
William also tries to investigate about his father more, but Tigra changes the subject and tries to get him close to Marc. To keep them distracted as Marc is starting to get more anxiety attacks as the truth starts to officially sink in.
Eventually, William got tired of his mother constantly pushing Marc that he starts to cry at night. Wishing to have his old mother back, before Marc got her attention more. Creating this emotional rift where he asks to be dropped off at the daycare instead than stay at home. Hiding everything behind a smile but slowly breaking inside.
One night when he got tired of his mother pinning on Marc almost to a delusional degree. Even he is starting noticing this and decided to wandered into the streets just to get away. Deliberately getting lost for hours since he knows that his mother is too focused on Marc the entire night to even call anymore. Which got even worse when Marc died as Tigra practically became distant towards Wiliam. Choosing to be silent to avoid lashing on to her own son. But to William, it's like his mother was replaced with someone else.
William even nearly getting targeted by thugs. Said thugs would suddenly find themselves sucked backwards by a strong wind and get impaled with some metal rod stick that just so happens to be on the right spot.
William then found himself wandering back on his home unscathed, even though he really didn't know where he is going and was just following the lit streetlamps, unaware that he was nearly attacked.
Later in the day, street officers went to fix the streetlamps that were actually broken for 3 days straight.
#rants#marvel comics#mcu#marvel#crossover#fanfiction#Just random ideas#It's actually depressing now that I think about it#Tragic really#Don't know it I might expand this but I just want to get it out.#Moon Knight#Midnight Mission#Fic ideas#This is actually inspired by IRL cults#And a bit of my own family's experience#Yes there was a a cult in my country#And it wasn't the most nice one#TBH I read the run but I just keep seeing the dangerous implications of Marc's attempt on a cult.#Like sure We see how good it is on the team#But how about their families? I want to see it all go down in flames#Congrats 616 Marc you helped others#now they are just as messed up#codependent with a twisted sense of justice and horrible family relationships as you#Khonshu cameo#though he isn't the focus#more in the background secretly keeping everyone alive.#Listening to the prayers of everyone else and how they are indirectly badly affected.#I'm actually thinking about a post from his perspective#Khonsu
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one of my favorite senarios to imagine to put yukio in is sending him 10 years into the future (with the exwires usually) and everyone from their class are like chill adults including himself working their boring ass exorcist job and hes trying to assert dominance over them as the teacher™ but they're all like bro why so serious?
#somehow in my future au i accidently made only the boys active exorcists im so sorry to all the women in aoex#they all passed but i think shiemi and izumo would leave to persue other passions but still be in ajacent fields#like shiemi still runs her exorcist shop#idk what izumo does maybe she still is an exorcist but shes on leave trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life#cuz so much of her adolescence was focused vengence for her family i think she would be kinda lost as an adult#ive said this a bunch of times but rin isnt actually an exorcist for the same reason izumo isnt#ive been kinda muddy on my own timeline but either he passed and left or he dropped out of school and ran away#i think hes like an independent demon slayer like a contract worker#so he still is basically an exorcist but not sanctioned by the vatican like as part of a mercenary guild or something#but he can still take exorcist missions if he wants to but usually its not worth it so he just helps out yukio or bon on their missions#i think after being a literal terrorist yukio got demoted and lost his license for a bit so hes still the same rank as he is now#but now hes medicated and he went to therapy#he has like no memory of highschool to almost a concerning degree and hes generally pretty muted but is still well liked#bon had a completely normal exorcist experience against all odds actually so did koneko except koneko went back to the myoda#and then shima got scouted for his amazing spy skills and works overseas#sorry shima ur not allowed to be an idol that might be the trigger for the bad end#anyway i think teen yukio would hate adult yukio because he thinks hes not allowed to be normal and happy#this is like the 4th time ive made this post like i said its one of my favorites#the reverse is rin going to the past and like tutoring the exorcist class#nobody wants to do yukio psychoanalysis but me so i gotta step up to the plate#jk theres a lot of good yukio fanfics#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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what if i said hc that lark actually got into space and constellations at some point as a kid because of mercedes being into astrology, (but in more of the scientific perspective in his case) and when he was training hero he would tell her about space and how the sky looked before code purple and thats what sparked her interest in it and why she got the internship at JPL....what if
#i like to think abt the oak family bonding and loving eachother for my own mental health#lol sry for not posting for a bit new years was an experience for me and i got sick again#dndads#dndaddies#dndads s2#dungeons & daddies#dungeons and daddies#hero oak#hero oak swallows garcia#lark oak#lark oak garcia#the oak family#autumn rambles#🍁
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolter—everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#there’s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ….. brutal#like I don’t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way she’s not easy on life. there’s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where she’s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I don’t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also she’s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether it’s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and she’ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and it’s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and it’s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. I’m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylor’s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and it’s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or just—-I don’t know. it’s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because it’s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but it’s not! it’s just. the human condition and Taylor’s own flaws#okay I’ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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HOUSE. FUCKIN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#mortgage in principle should be set up by tomorrow.#a lot of annoying fees to pay but whatever makes my life easier bc i cannot wrap my head around half this stuff#i get a £500 cashback with this one :3 its going straight to my solicitor so i have less to pay HFDSJKHFSD#gilly speaks#i should be able to move in at the end of july but i can push for earlier once all the money and legal stuff is handled#im very thankful to be in such a fortunate position with family and friends.........#aurgh. this insane. really looking forward to all the space#i do wish i had the experience of moving out and handling savings sooner but im rly rly thankful i could stay with them for this long and#enjoy life a bit more and save up for a place of my own#plans have been messy and back and forth for moving but im glad i decided to make the jump with my sister after other plans fell thru#and im not mad at plans flopping bc it got me house hunting this year and now here i am#waaah
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How is skeleton shaped (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Papyrus#Sans#Some redraws! I just don't feel like scanning the originals so they'll stay contextless for now lol#I apparently used to draw Papyrus' scarf/cape with a little squiggly bit down the middle of his chest as well :0 I think it looks silly now#The donk-pecks I was talking about! :D Give your sibling a family kiss ♪ As much as skeletons can anyhow lol#Papyrus was being silly and then leaned down fully expecting it lol - another thing smol and I do a lot haha#Sometimes doing the cat thing of headbutting for attention lol#Sad skele doodles! Oh no! D: Best boy is the saddest around </3#I used to draw Papyrus' mouth as having teeth behind his teeth so I gave it another go - I think I'm good on it now lol I like his weird jaw#I don't know if I based the original eye-glows off anything specific :0 I wasn't as particular about my notes back then haha#He is still very fun to draw crying tho poor lad :')#Originally the second one of Papyrus with his eyes glowing had Sans comforting him with a forehead donk - even in this redraw!#But I got the angle wrong so I removed him and then had brainworms about it lol#Something something the player (the artist) controlling the appearance/experience and moving the pieces (the characters) around as they like#I already know all that! I've been metaphorically playing with dolls for years years years! It just never stops being weird#It's like being aware of my own breathing and blinking - it's ''natural'' and normal and there's obviously nothing wrong with it lol#There's just a level of awkward....Feeling surrounding awareness lol - intentionality! It's not like I can stop just because I'm aware of it#It's just so whimsical /neutral - if Sans had turned out how I wanted him to he'd be there comforting his brother! But because I...#As stated I have brainworms please excuse me lol#The level of weird feels between the various mediums is really interesting to me tho :) Being a player or reader or watcher or artist!#They all feel different - more or less in control of what happens to them and yet never fully without culpability hehe#Obviously as an artist it feels the most in control - even to my own empathetic detriment! (It's not that serious lol)#The difference between being a player and a reader is a lot closer than being a watcher tho imo it's like a spectrum of responsibility#Though that's kinda also just how I feel about media consumption in general lol - I guess one of those is technically media production#Anyway! Lol#I don't know where I got the idea that his hoodie is two-tone other than the separation of his pockets?#It is a cute design! Dunno if I'll keep it going forward just for convenience but I'm not mad about it lol
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Random interactions I've had in the past couple of days in Japan:
-old naked lady at the sento who did her best to explain to 3 confused french tourists who had never been to a public bathhouse how to proceed, despite us barely speaking any japanese, and her barely speaking any english. She also gave us sweets afterwards. She was lovely.
-middle aged man who stopped us in the street to tell us we were beautiful. He then said "I am crazy", smiled, gave us a thumbs up, and left.
-brazilian tourist who started talking to me in the bus and told me I should go visit Himeji.
-old japanese man who started talking to me in the train station and told me I should go visit Himeji.
#the bathhouse was truly an experience#equal parts uncomfortable and nice#my friends were stressed out about it beforehand#but i kinda assumed that we'd each have our own space to take off our clothes and wash#and we'd have our little towel to cover us#and the only time we'd be fully naked would be when we're in the water so no big deal right#seems easy enough to avoid being naked in front of friends and family members right#wrong#you are naked so much in there#we were not prepared#but the place was pretty though#and the bath itself was very relaxing#and the old lady and the other customers were all very nice and patient with us#also i was feeling a bit nervous about people seeing that i only have one tit and a half#but nobody batted an eye#people genuinely did not care at all about how the others looked like#which actually felt very nice
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I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck
#ingital#did you know there's a bit in ingital i cut out where he tells Neuvillette they have to go get their kids tested. it's cut out of the carol#and vautrin scene. because I wanted to recontextualise carole's canon story as like about her social ostracisation because she's#a weird little girl with a very strong sense of justice (autistic like her dad lol). and I wanted it to just be a family moment where#wriothesley just very casually suggests getting their kids tested to see if they need additional support. and its just because i wanted it#to be seen as a very normal. even slightly positive moment (carole you're just like your papa!). because . you dont often see an autism#diagnosis as a Normal thing. much less a silly fun thing. and Ingital is silly fun the fic#the thing is. I specifically sat down and told myself. I'm gonna write a neurotypical man because not every single guy in my fic has to be#neurodivergent. when I write wriothesley it's usually more about trauma cptsd and high functioning depression anyway.#but I am autistic. even my trauma/depression/mentally ill experience is viewed through autistic lens. which is why im like#I should learn how to write a neurotypical man right. this is so dire. because what if i CANT. GOD#severe trauma does things to your neurotype anyway so he's Not Neurotypical but GODDDDDDDDDDD I made the fucking. disorganised#basement dwelling tech nerd gag in the latest chapter. and I FORGOT THAT THAT'S TIPPING INTO AUDHD TROPES/STEREOTYPES.#I know this had potential to go into audhd territory from Day 1 when I decided he fucking dwells on stack exchange#but i told myself. well. just because he's a nerd and highly intelligent doesn't mean he's audhd. right. because if he still#has relatively normal sensory experiences (outside of ptsd/other mental illness symptoms) and is still within normal range of organisation#then he's not audhd. because the difference between audhd disorganisation/dysregulation and similar symptoms in depression/other illnesses#IS THAT HE'S STILL GONNA BE DISORGANISED WHEN HE'S NOT DEPRESSED!!!!!!! And he's not depressed in his little basement enclosure.#that . level of happy chaos. is exactly how he naturally operates when he's allowed to do what he wants. I fucking made him audhd AGAIN#and he even has his own extremely strange way of naming files.
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So seriously: if you have a serious recoil/disgust factor at uncommonly eaten parts of an animal being in any kind of food context (eg: whole fish being served at a table) and you want to work on minimizing that reaction, I really really recommend eating "normal" versions of those unusual foods, like for example deli-sliced tongue. I know I'm talking out of my ass here, but things like liver and haggis (organ meat), tongue (tongue), and probably a whole lot of others I've never had can be pretty easily made into forms that taste real good and don't look much like a weird lump of flesh you can recognize, and being able to get from "that's weird and gross but I want to get it" to "that's weird but it tastes really good and I want to get it" will probably make building up momentum easier when you move on to less "common" pastures.
Good luck, by the way. I believe in you.
#red rambles#i'm doing this with bugs for the record im not like JUST talking out my ass. I have a full on phobia of dead bugs#I can and have eaten live bugs! I've eaten and really enjoyed cricket-flour chips! I'm working my way up to "whole preserved scorpion in#chocolate'' type desserts but I haven't gotten there yet#so I know for a fact that there's a kind of person who has this sort of instinctive repulsion and also really really REALLY wants to get#over it. and also i didn't even realize this was a thing because i grew up with whitefish and tongue and so on#anyway im not sure if people like. KNOW that you can get like... liver *spread* or prepared tongue or brain or w/e#being able to go 'oh that is actually delicious' is a big thing or at least it is for me! it's very motivating!#you're the only one who is going to really 'push' you on these things- god knows my immediate family and friends mostly wants me to#STOP trying to eat bugs LMFAO (this is due to my behaviors but also like my dad told me I was not to keep cricket snacks in the house)#(so it's a bit of both but mostly because i cannot be trusted not to just eat a random ant because they are delicious these days)#but like at least in my experience the second you step out of the 'culturally normative' fold people stop being like 'yay stop being picky!#and start going 'no stop go back to being picky' so it's really really important to find your own motivators and not rely on other people
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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I've only been pulling a daily tarot card for a week now but I already feel a bit closer to my deck and like it's easier for me to follow my intuition as soon as I see the card, it seems like I found a habit I'd really like to maintain
#it's not like i'll be able to when I go spend christmas with my family and all but#during the months im away on my own? I pretty much could! and that's honestly something that fills me with content#I like being on my own and being able to do what I want and enjoy with no stress about someone suddenly appearing and finding out about it#okay this suddenly got a bit personal haha#but yeah this was a bit of the point. trying to pull a daily card in a way that resonates with you really makes you understand why others+#do so and how it has impacted them/their journey/their learning experience#just a thought im happy i got to experience!#my experience#tarot reader#witchblr#tarot#cartomancy
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Hey, hi! Just wanted to let you know today; you brighten my day! I particularly enjoy knowing you exist <3
Whatever you're doing, you're doing great, and I hope you have a good day :]
awww, thank you cappy, I really appreciate hearing that!! It's been a busy couple of days, but we're getting along just fine - hope your day's going good as well!!
#asks#minute answers#personal#minute sona#moots!!#thanks for stopping by cappy!!#no yea i'm doing#well it's up and down as of late#october is a really busy month for me cuz of classes and extra classes and tests and my birthday and all these other responsibilities and#I'm alright for the moment but sometimes our mood just plummets#(also i'm trying to figure out if I maybe have an issue because i was talking to some of my family and friends and)#(one of em said it's very similar to their own experiences with adhd and depression but)#(i don't know it's)#anyhow#but yea i'm doing alright for the moment#lot of tests this week oh gravity#my computer science class is really stressing me out but what can you do yknow?#also politics is just.#everything is burning and that's really horrifying so it's a bit difficult to stay positive but#we're here and we're surviving so that counts for something I suppose#anyhow thank you very much for the ask hope your day is also going well!!
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I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3
#random post#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living#I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it#also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible#way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems#and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes#it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is#me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real#anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie#lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd#ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for#over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me#spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3#when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing#nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living#drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s#causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been#using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit#but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever#it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot#I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms#together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally#I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our#communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont#get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of#how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones#I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you
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hands up tell me abt Your star trek au right now!! on the double bro. what are the tensions it all looks too kind & magical i don’t trust it yet
(if it is literally kind & wonderful i am grateful i am thankful i am honored i’d just like to hear more)
-@jack-kellys
i'm ngl my star trek au au is mostly running on vibes wbwbwb so it is pretty kind and happy and warm (i just really like how much everyone in the enterprise's crew has such a respect and care for each other yknow. found family and all that innit).
that being said, here are some funky things about the characters ive been thinking about lately (under a cut because i'm incapable of being concise):
the stars were essentially jack's santa fe. he grew up surrounded by stories of starship captains and space and it became his lifelong dream and ambition to captain a starship, something which he dropped everything to attain. now he is captain of a starship– one of the youngest in starfleet's history– and it's wonderful and fantastic and he's never felt more alive! but there's always something gnawing at the back of his mind (he's based his entire life up until this point around this moment, it was a driving force and a beacon to look up to when times were tough. what if the experience is nothing like his dreams and he ends up disappointed? what happens when the mission's over? what'll become of him?).
also starfleet's assigned him a galaxy-class starship with families onboard and he's having a Time because of it (what if they get hurt under his watch. what if he gives the wrong order and a child dies. starfleet officers know the risks of space travel and are aware of this but the families. the children). other than that he's having a great time !!
kath's half-betazoid on her mother's side, but she never knew her mother nor has she ever been to betazoid (i really went woe! being mixed and only connected to one of your cultures but still being unable to fit in even there because of the fact that you're mixed be upon ye!). she's trying real hard to learn more about betazoid and who her mother is even though she knows she won't really feel like she "belongs" in betazoid either. she's working on understanding and using her empathic/telepathic powers more.
oh also!! pulitzer is a notorious and not-well liked admiral, when kath joined the acedmy she officially had her name changed to plumber and has since told no-one that they're related (this surely won't backfire terribly on her in the future)
also because this is the spot (cat) show, kath loves spot (cat) and wants to babysit her and play with her but alas. she is allergic to cats
race cannot catch a break– he's got a massive losing streak at senior officer poker night, spot (cat) hates him, he can't grow a beard but every time theres an impostor/clone/mirror universe situation the other version of him always has a beard (this is half in jest but also it amuses me wbwb)
jokes aside, i've been having a whole bunch of race as first officer thoughts (and a lot of riker and race parallel thoughts but. that's another story). i don’t really know how to explain it other than the way riker acts in the last episode of tng season two (yes, the riker montage episode) when facing death (joking around and keeping up the appearance of flippancy and courage in the face of agonising death because he’s first officer and there are people who look up to him and he has to set an example) seemed very race and very kony to me, in a way. (youve got this to blame for riker beard race. im not sorry)
race is also one of the first people to advocate for les becoming acting ensign. he makes it very clear that he's in les' corner and makes himself responsible for his studies and sometimes his training (and he teaches him poker).
OH ALSO! sarah and davey didnt know les ws going to be onboard and only found out about his presence after they'd set off. did he sneak onboard?? mayyyybeee (he just really wants to be a starfleet officer). after the initial shock (and notifying their parents) sarah and davey start the Let Les on the Bridge campaign (letting him watch the bridge from the turbolift, helping out in sciences and engineering, etc etc) the that eventually leads to les becoming acting ensign. it reaches a point where most of jack's senior officers would probably mutiny all for this kid.
there's more stuff but i'll stop rambling now because, again, i have a problem with being concise wbwbw. thankyou soso much for the ask rizz once again i love your star trek au so much and am always eager to hear more wbwbw!!! :D
#is it obvious that i've been thinking about this au maybe a wee bit too much#i have no plot but i do have the idea that spot (human) has a (adopted) klingon uncle he grew up with#the plot's just shenanigans and everyones pals and theres a cat near the warp core AGAIN#kath's experiences being half-betzoid growing up on earth without any connection to betazoid culture and never quite belonging#is kinda based on my own experiences growing up as half-asian but only having cultural ties to my greek family and stuff#idk my brain latched onto this and now i cannot let it go#idk why i felt that was important to mention but im mentioning it anyway#its real obvious im a tng enjoyer from this isnt it wbwbw#i have many other thoughts but they are minor and also this was getting reallll long wbwbw#that is all for now wbbwbwbw THANK YOU RIZZZZ WBWBWBW#very bouncy moment#newsies#jack kelly#katherine plumber#katherine pulitzer#racetrack higgins#les jacobs#newsies star trek au#answered#jack-kellys#this is a beast of a post im so sorry#once again thankyouu rizzz i love your au sm and im real happy you like mine wbwbw
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Seeing the crew be able to have fun together, be silly, and childish, and above all else, themselves, is a joy. I cant think of any show where a majority of the cast is not in their 20s but most are middle aged, and they're still finding new friends and romance, they're growing as people, and finding new meaning to their lives, they're building a home and family, their lives aren't slowing down, they aren't seen as less useful, or desirable. It gives me a sense of relief that I don't need to have it all figured out, my 20s isn't the end of the road, new beginnings can always be possible. Growing older doesn't have to mean taking life so seriously, and I can choose to do the things that make me happy, without a thought of how immature it makes me look. I know this sentiment has been shared in regards to media before but there's something about watching these guys run around dressing up in fancy clothing screaming about curses, acting out various scenarios involving "Jeff" for fun together, cannonballing into the water rather than stepping onto a boat, putting on elaborate fuckeries which is really just an excuse to sing and act, playing thumb wars with your bf, dressing up in drag, or even turning into a damn bird. There's a feeling, an assumption, that once you reach a certain age this kind of "nonsense" has to stop, and i think a part of you probably ends up dying, the child that lives inside everyone, but not them, all their inner children are alive, and because of that, I think the crew is truly free, and i find that inspiring.
#of course it goes without saying that they are able to be this way because theyve fostered such an environment together#theyre comfortable with each other more and more and i guess im a bit jealous because ive never had that experience with my own family#dont mind me just want to give them all a hug :)#found family#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#ofmd season 2 spoilers
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