#And I've been wanting to share it with you guys for TEN THOUSAND YEARS

[anincompletelist]

[ vol i | vol ii | fic rec fridays ]

hi all! :D happy december! I've read so many amazing fics this past month and the tbr list just keeps on growing! I wanted to share some here so they don't get lost in the shuffle!

as always, please remember to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed the fic or show support in other ways, and be kind! mind the tags and if you come across something you dislike, please kindly (and quietly) move on.

that said, happy reading and enjoy! <3

in no particular order --

(i would stay forever if you said) don't go | @coffeecatsme | T+ | 6k

The words echo in his head, unbidden. The words from another life, practically another universe, shoved inside the small walls of a gilded cage, hidden in a room in London with shuttered windows and locked doors. A boy’s voice Henry still remembers ten years later, when he doesn’t quite remember what he had for lunch the day before. A boy’s voice on a phone that understood him better than every member of his family, even an ocean, a continent, three thousand miles away. A boy’s voice that told him in no uncertain terms that it was okay if he wasn’t okay, that allowed him to pave a path until he was. To open a new shelter in New York City, Henry needs to interview a host of potential lawyers to hire. He doesn't expect one of them to be the boy that saved his life ten years ago.

(mind the tags!)

a rich and complex tapestry | @everwitch-magiks | E | 8k

When Alex first hooks up with Henry, he's expecting a fun one-night-stand and maybe the occasional booty call. He does not expect to get so completely pulled into Henry’s orbit that it forces him to reevaluate everything he thought he knew about his sexuality. And he's not sure if it makes it better, or way worse, that Henry is actually a professional at all this stuff — what are the odds that Alex would hook up with the one guy on campus who hosts his own radio show about sex? 'Sleeping With Henry' is about to gain one devoted listener.

outta luck to spend | potentiallyunloveable | T+ | 9k

“Nora ignorin’ ya?” a voice says from beside him, and Henry startles, turns to his left, is suddenly frozen. The man who’s slid into the seat next to him, silently, without Henry noticing, is quite possibly the most beautiful man Henry’s ever seen in his life. He’s got the widest smile, sweet dimples, soft brown skin and impossibly long eyelashes. He’s wearing a fucking Stetson, and Henry feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him. Or: Henry (lost, hopeless) meets Alex (bright, hopeful), in a bar in Texas.

(mind the tags!)

everything's growing in our garden | @matherines | T+ | 7k

That night, in the safety of his hotel room on the outskirts of the Olympic Village, Henry couldn’t catch his breath. He coughed and coughed, feeling like he was choking on nothing, but there was a scratching sensation in his throat that he just couldn’t shake – until a single blue petal flew past his lips, landing in the porcelain bowl of the sink. After an hour of painstaking Googling, he learns that it’s a Texas bluebonnet. He also learns what the fact that he’s coughing up petals means – the beginning stages of Hanahaki Disease. Rare, but not unheard of, according to the NHS website he browses in an incognito tab. Common in royal bloodlines (thank you, inbreeding). "Only curable if the afflicted’s love is requited with a declaration," he reads, and slams his laptop closed with a bitter laugh, wet with tears. "A surgical procedure removing the afflicted’s capacity for love may be performed if the love remains unrequited. Otherwise, the condition is terminal." So, then. He has no chance.

ocean waves | seafloor | E | 10k

Henry Fox wakes up with a toothache one morning, and has a lot of feelings about certain things for days afterwards.

while you were sleeping (I fell in love) | @kill8a | M | 3k

As their relationship progresses, Alex notices that Henry’s sleeping habits start to progress as well. Notably, more naps, less insomnia, and a knack for falling asleep at any hour of the day.

So I Will Weather The Storm | @sparklepocalypse | E | 9k

They’re in the air twenty minutes before the next report comes in, this time over their headsets. “Patient is located on the eastern side of Sgòr Gaoith. He reports a sudden snow squall came up, and he lost his footing and took a fall. He’s conscious and reports no major injuries, but he’s stuck on a ledge and can’t make it back to the trail. Patient is wearing a red jacket and a black knit cap and states his name is – ” there’s a burst of static over the radio. “Please repeat the patient’s name,” Henry says into the headset mic as Schlosser programs the mountain’s location into the GPS. There’s a bit more static, and then the dispatcher states, “Alexander Claremont-Diaz.” (Or, a movieverse canon divergent AU wherein Henry is in the RAF and Cakegate still takes place, but the PR campaign doesn't happen – and two months after Cakegate, Alex does something dumb on a mountain in Scotland.)

crawl | ironwords | E | 6k

“Well,” Alex says. He swallows, mouth dry. Closes his eyes, takes the hand not in Henry’s and runs it along his tummy, up and up to his bottom rib and then up over that as well. The skin is soft, but the bones under them are hard, firm under Alex’s palm; his fingers dance over the spaces and grooves, feeling along the edges of bone and dipping into the empty space between. Deep breath: in, out. In again, hold it for a few seconds, then out. Then: “I want to, like. Be in you.” Oh wow. Nice one, Alex. Awesome phrasing. Fucking great job.

'til the walls did crumble and | @ninzied | E | 5k

So much for using the wrong fork at dinner. He’s pretty sure this is a thousand times worse. Hundred-thousand? Nora could give him the exact number. Also, he’s pretty sure there’s still buttercream on his ass. (Or, Alex has his bisexual awakening in a bathroom at Buckingham Palace, and also finds leftover cake in Henry’s hair. The two things are not not related.)

Moon Bride (To Have and To Hold) | satinbirds | M | 7k

When the man is brought before him, it’s as if the whole world stops. Clad in delicate gossamer, his apparent frailty is accentuated by the sheer fabric. It is likely a cheap attempt to entice him, yet it only elicits displeasure from the king. He already wishes to dress this fragile figure in the veil of his people, cover him from invidious and lustful eyes.

It's Called Tact, Fuck-Rag! | @largepeachicedtea | E | 12k

Texas had been an odd choice, some might say. Henry thinks it's perfect. College is a time to go crazy, after all. (A Scream AU)

(mind the tags!)

Aftercare | @whimsymanaged | M | 2k

When Alex has an intense hookup without aftercare, he finds himself on his best friend Henry’s doorstep in desperate need of looking after.

--

that's all for now!! hoping to get some more free time this month to read once I finish up some wips! be kind to one another this holiday season, and happy reading! :D

-- sarah / anincompletelist xx

[sockatoothewafflebird]

I MISSED IT.

oh my god. if i had known sooner, i would have done something- drawn a tribute, maybe- for this show. this show is a part of me. this show has been with me through so much and it is impossible to overstate how much it means to me. it was there during the best and worts times of my life. i cannot ever ever imagine my life without this show.

so, as a tribute to it, because i MISSED THE DAMN ANNIVERSARY OHMYGOD, i'll tell my story with it. i feel like it should be shared because i know there are others out there that appreciate the show just as much as i do. this is pretty long so uhhh word wall warning teehee

i remember when i first discovered it,

about halfway into 2020. season one had finished airing by the time i found it. i had heard things about this "lumity" characyer and decided to try it out because i was an "ally" at the time (oh, how things can change).

it wasn't on a streaming service yet, nor did my family use cable TV, so i watched the entirety of the first season through clips pirated on youtube.

i fell in love with it. watched every theory video i could get my grubby little hands on, watched reaction videos, watched those iconic lumity animatics and listened to the songs on loop for months. it became a part of me.

and, guess what? i made the lego eda meme my pfp on my school laptop (remember that one guys?? oh man that was a WHILE ago) and someone in my school, a new guy, asked me about it. said he liked my pfp and asked if he could sit with me and my friends during lunch. and now, even after both of us moving thousands of miles away, we're still in touch.

that was FOUR YEARS AGO. i know that seems kind of a short amount of time, but i've never held a friend that long before, having moved around a lot in my life. long story short the owl house got me like half the friends i have today.

anyway, back to the show.

i can never forget the hype when season 2 was announced.

i remember scrounging youtube like a starving dog for any content, teasers, theories, etc etc etc i could physically find. i was a pretty sheltered kid back then so i couldn't see any hype for it on social media other than youtubers gushing about theories. but i felt like i was there with everyone, squealing and kicking our feet together over our favorite show getting a new season.

most vividly, i remember being fucking pissed when i saw that the third season we could've had was cut short. i remember all the angry videos, and the petitions, everyone, everyone was all collectively screaming for this to change. we wanted the show to get what it deserved, but alas, it's Disney. so of course we just had to make do.

when season two began airing i forgot all about my anger. i forgot everything because, i had to watch it as soon as possible. i'll remind you, dear random internet user, that my family did not have cable TV at the time, so i couldn't watch it the second it aired there. i watched youtubers' reactions to the episodes.

it was the best feeling ever waking up on a saturday and seeing all of the reaction streams to the episode from all my favorite youtubers- i had to watch it all through the tiny top left corner of my phone screen and i was ecstatic. i loved being able to watch the show with everyone else, even if i sometimes missed reaction premiers or streams and got to them a day late- it was in the top ten most fun months of my life.

oh, and, do you remember? do we all remember Through The Looking Glass Ruins? the episode where gus develops his character and powers, and also the episode in which... you know... amity and luz indirectly admit their feelings for one another? TO each other? you just had to be there for the EXPLOSIONS that happened online that day. the absolute SCREAMS of joy from everyone when amity cheek-kissed luz at the end. it was amazing to witness so many people everywhere, in my social circle and online, collectively cheering and shouting for joy over a queer couple. a sapphic couple, portrayed positively, and casually, and OPENLY.

you have no idea how amazing it felt, after years of questioning myself, to see that on screen. to see that and to see everyone happy about it.

in the time between season one and season two's release, i opened up about questioning my sexuality to my parents, and they were... reluctantly supportive. i took a ton of time to figure it out myself, like maybe two years of constantly cycling though labels and wondering and wondering and thinking really really hard about it.

i remember seeing luz and amity very clearly being a potential couple in the show, and then they actually BECOME A CANON COUPLE a few episodes later, and feeling utter jealousy because i wanted what they had. the world exploded because, for a lot of people, this was a huge finally moment. finally, we have something good for ourselves. i remember watching and re-watching the lumity scenes in the first part of season two over and over and over, and thinking, "i don't want this with a boy. i want it like that." and it was liberating. i cannot thank this show enough for that feeling of fully accepting myself as a 100% organic home-grown lesbian.

that's just my experience with the show, but i'm sure there are tons of other similar stories, because this show was my first exposure to positive queer rep (raine whispers and amity blight are me favorite characters, i think you can guess why) and that changed everything for me.

anyway, on with the show.

the second part of season two released, and the fandom went wild. i cried. i sobbed. the finale was amazing, the lumity moments were amazing (they're portrayed as one of the healthiest couples i've ever seen in modern media ohmygod), the story was amazing. every episode, banger after banger. every minute, smile after tear after mind-blowing moment. the owl house team took disney's smelly, rotten lemons, and they made fucking lemonade. the best lemonade i've ever had.

and also, can i talk about how amazing it is to see so much representation of usually horribly portrayed groups? luz is canonically ADHD. many characters could also be seen as neurodivergent (gus my beloved) eda's curse is a stand-in for chronic illness. hunter's entire story is one about abuse, and belos's is a story of how a person can become a monster, about how sometimes monsters cannot and should not be redeemed. this show is a fucking masterclass in rep.

anyway, "season three" (fuck yoy disney) was amazing, and every episode made me bawl.

i remember seeing that they released the episodes in youtube, and i remember the absolute beauty it was to see millions upon millions of views for it. i remember watching the first one while making myself an omelette. that omelette ended up having my tears in it. i'll have you know that i almost never cry at media, so the owl house really fucking achieved something with all of the tears i shed.

i remember crying when luz "died," crying when she came back and screamed in bel-ass' face , "EAT THIS, SUCKAAA"- and i remember crying at the collective "byeeee" from the whole cast. i remember feeling a sense of bittersweetness that it was over. but the whole cast got the endings they deserved, and that was enough for me.

the owl house is a part of me now.

the owl house's run was a comfort when the news was screaming and crying, it was a comfort when i needed escape, and it was a huge part of the person i am today. i cannot ever thank this show enough.

i'll probably draw something to commemorate the anniversary if i ever find the time, but for now, this post is a way for me to send my appreciation towards the fandom, the creators in the fandom, and the creators of the show that made it possible. this show is over now and has been for years, but it will never leave me. happy five years, everyone! here's to many more! 🥂

[cyclogenesis]

life updates ✨

today i'm going to swim UP from the depths of the rejection sensitive dysphoria i've been absolutely drowning in lately and i'm going to WRITE and POST this update despite the fact that i want to delete it all already because nobody cares (shut up rsd!! i fucking told you!!!!) so, anyway~~

today i'm going to write the four remaining netgalley book reviews i'm behind on from last year, and in between i'm going to answer comments and feel engaged with as a human instead of the...fantasy npc simulacrum of a daughter/granddaughter | void of a content machine | middling and wildly rejectable acquaintance i've been feeling like lately. when interactions make me feel bad i'm like oh man i hate feeling bad. feeling bad is the worst and it happened because of an interaction. it is therefore logical to isolate myself from the sources of hurt and avoid interactions. and i'm correct tbh but also that is objectively a bad idea. and i know that because i've done it before. i know my own stupid patterns. argh!!

it's just that the bad interactions make me feel like i'm standing at the edge of a cliff and i have vertigo and i'm swaying and dizzy and i know i'm going to fall. but i'm stuck there. i'm stuck in the moment before falling, in this miserable in-between space. and it's like god. get me out of here!!

i'm going to call grammy today. i should have already called her this week. she went into the hospital on saturday night because she's in too much pain and they let her out monday morning with a new treatment plan. i talked to her sunday and she sounded good. i'll be going back to fresno next week for her 86th birthday.

and i just keep thinking about how i'll be there when the new ethel cain record comes out. and so i'll tuck up into the guest room when grammy goes to bed at 8pm and i'll listen to this hour and a half long record. (ten thousand prayer hands emojis go here.) and the last time i was out of town for a record i was excited about it was boygenius in 2023 and so i listened to it for the first time in another guest room, my friend's in new york, and that's where i heard letter to an old poet for the first time and got weepy. and then i listened to it walking through central park on a cold sunny april morning and felt alive and lovely.

but ethel cain is good fresno music. and i'll be able to listen to it all the way through twice on the drive back home. another bright sharp association for art to carry.

i remember this guy i passed on the street in paris. he was homeless (i think?) and frustrated from being ignored for whatever he was asking (i am not as good at french as i would like to think i am) and he ended up yelling "j'existe! j'existe!" at the passers-by. yeah, man. yeah.

my therapist told me to make a list of things i'm grateful for and that i'm looking forward to in the new year. i'm grateful for a lot. when it comes to things i'm looking forward to, i landed on strange new worlds coming back and also, in case it's not clear, the new ethel cain record. (perverts available january 8th!!!)

but i cannot escape the fact that my grandmother is going to die. and also she hit me with the christmas surprise that she changed her will to make her cousin executor (good, my mom was going to be useless and frankly i was afraid she was going to screw me and take everything) so now what was going to be split two ways between me and my mom will also be shared with him and another cousin (a really pleasant fuck-you to me to equally cut in an eighty year old man who lives with his son and doesn't have, you know, student loans or anything). the assets are basically life insurance, a bunch of furniture none of us really have the room for, and however much we can get for her house, which she owns but which is also a mobile home in fresno.

anyway, assuming it's enough that i can convince myself the expense is justifiable, i will be getting that money and flying the fuck out of here. going to greece, see ya. i have a list of islands. i started leaving the country for my birthday in 2023 in part because after rejecting me in favor of my parents in nov 2021, grammy then didn't call me on my birthday the following year after a lifetime of having done so. in fact, she did not call me until twelve days after. this hurt me so badly that i decided to be in a drastically different timezone for every following birthday, because then nobody needs to call anybody. nine hours ahead at the palace of versailles and not really worried about it. thanks. you'd really think my coping mechanisms would have me better at speaking french by now.

so, yeah. i guess i'm looking forward to getting money from my grandmother dying. certainly my therapist will be interested to hear that. frustratingly, i have reached the end of the duolingo greek course and am now just doing the daily refresh lessons which are not great and seem mostly invested in me being able to say and write useful phrases like "ο πυροσβέστης είναι ανίκανος να τρέξει" (the firefighter is incapable of running) and "η καλύτερη άμυνα είναι μια καλή επίθεση" (the best defense is a good offense). recommendations for other apps with good greek courses including writing are of course welcome. which is to say. are there any

writing is still helping. so there's that!

[tanadrin]

i've kind of gotten sucked into the back catalogue of the podcast Mormon Stories, specifically the episodes where they have like honest-to-god egyptologists and archeologists and such on and they take apart mormon apologia piece by piece. because it would be fairly easy (and fairly accurate) to simply ignore this particular subgenre of apologism--not only are the foundational myths of mormonism patently absurd to almost everybody who grew up outside the faith, mormon apologists specifically have only the tiniest little wisps or shreds of reassurance to offer their fellow believers.

like, mainstream christian apologism has been working for two thousand years to produce a parallel body of knowledge--hell, it didn't even used to be "parallel," it was simply the default assumption in most of christendom for most of that period--and can not only draw on a much longer history, but does so in the defensive interpretation of what are (in part) much older events. and the debunked mythology of abrahamic religions accreted gradually, heavily steeped in a local geographic context. there actually were persians and egyptians and babylonians and stuff! nobody got basic facts about what food crops were available in the region wrong, because the people who wrote this stuff had lived there for centuries! you can't dig a posthole in the middle east without turning up artifacts suggestive of that history, because that history is (while false) authentically local.

the book of mormon isn't like that. the book of mormon is insane. it's what you get talking to a guy you met in a bar at 2 am who wants to tell you about the stuff he half-remembers from history channel ancient aliens specials he saw ten years ago, because that guy occupies approximately the same social niche joseph smith did, and also people knew even less about archeology (to say nothing of the archeology of the americas) back in the 1830s. and yet these guys like hugh nibley and kerry muhlestein get up and try to defend this account, writing stuff that makes your average christian fundamentalist apologist look like a paragon of scientific integrity.

what baffles me isn't the rank and file mormons raised in the religion who might know little else. what baffles me are the people who are thoughtful enough to engage with real archeology, to understand the nuances of just how completely nonsensical the mormon version of ancient history is and how indistinguishable recent mormon history is from, like, scientology-level cult shenanigans, and yet who still consider themselves mormons and affiliate with the religion. like i get that religion isn't all about truth claims. there's social and cultural and emotional and all kinds of other elements that bind members of a religious community together. but "mormon" isn't an ethnic group. so far as mormons have a unique culture outside the religion itself it is, as far as i can tell, 1) the shared misery of the mission experience, 2) giving your kids slightly goofy names, 3) getting married really young, and 4) not drinking or smoking. and clearly you care to a certain extent about the truth claims, or you wouldn't have these (very interesting!) discussions on your podcast with archeologists about those claims.

anyway, it's a very weird phenomenon!

[forever-fixating]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @onthewaytosomewhere. This week I'm sharing a one-shot I've been working on. I was possessed by the demon that is Nicholas Galitzine who bombarded my poor fangirl heart with both Mary & George and The Idea of You trailer. I haven't been the same since, and I refuse to admit just how many times I've listened to that fucking song. (Spoiler alert: it's a lot.)

Anywho, I was inspired by that kiss in the trailer (Anne, Nick, I am just a simple bisexual person. You can't just DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT and expect me to have a normal response!!!) and the wonderful story Clean Slate by smc_27 on AO3 and of course, my fandom bestie @priincebutt The Story of Us to add my own popstar age-gap AU into the mix. I hope you enjoy this nonsense as much as I enjoy writing it. Should be ready soon. Toodles!

The band joined them twenty minutes later, and Alex announced, “I am starving. Are you ladies hungry?”

Henry stood as the girls giggled and nodded. They followed behind as the group headed outside to a large black SUV. The girls joined June and Nora in the middle section, and Alex grinned, “Guess you’re stuck in the back with me, Uncle Henry.”

Henry rolled his eyes as Cash opened the door for them. “Henry is fine, thanks.”

“Yes, he is.”

Henry’s heart skipped several beats as he climbed inside the SUV. Was this man hitting on him? He suddenly felt flushed and tugged off Pez’s jacket, trying to calm his racing heart and mind. He scooted against the other door for some distance, only for Alex to move to the center of the seat, their knees grazing each other. Henry, grasping for any semblance of control, called out, “Seat belts, girls!”

June and Nora turned to look at him, and June said, “They’re all buckled up. My mom drilled that into me and Alex’s brains growing up.”

“You two look cozy,” Nora said with a smirk.

Henry gave a nervous chuckle and said, “I’m just happy to be somewhere quieter. I don’t know how you all do it night after night.”

“I thrive on it,” Alex replied, leaning back into the plush leather seats. He looked at Henry through eyelashes that didn’t seem real outside of fiction. “Doesn’t matter if it’s ten people or ten thousand…being surrounded by a sea of people all there to see you. It’s out of this world.”

Henry relaxed into his seat as they pulled away from the stadium, Alex’s cologne filling his senses. It was spice, leather, and a hint of something floral—pure intoxication. The girls chattered in front, and Alex asked, turning his body toward Henry, “So what do you do when you’re not busy being the best uncle ever?”

Henry shrugged, looking down at his hands holding the leather jacket. “My life is quite dull. I volunteer at a youth shelter, help my best mate at his art gallery, and write.”

“Oh? Anything I’ve read?”

Henry hesitated. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by his work. He had it on good authority that, past the smutty allure, his fans genuinely connected with the characters of his books. But the subject matter was decidedly graphic and not something he wanted to discuss around his twelve-year-old nieces. Finally looking at Alex again, he said dismissively, “Probably not. I write for myself and a small but passionate audience.”

Alex was undeterred. “Try me. I read constantly, especially when I’m on tour. If anything, it will give me something new.”

“Fine,” Henry replied, rolling his eyes. “My most popular series is probably Dark Olympus. As a queer teen, I was obsessed with Greek mythology and-”

“Wait,” Alex said suddenly, his eyes widening, “you’re George St. James?”

It was Henry’s turn to be surprised. “Wait, are you seriously saying you read that series?”

“Dude, I’ve read everything you’ve ever written, even the straight stuff! The Beast was part of my bisexual awakening!” Alex exclaimed. He leaned forward, smacking the back of the seat, and said, “Nora, June! This guy is George St. James.”

The two women spun around, June saying, “No way! Oh my God, I just finished rereading Blood on the Tide from your Crimson Sails series. I’m obsessed! Please tell me you’re working on another book soon because I need it like yesterday.”

“Seriously,” Nora seconded, her curls bouncing as she nodded. “We’ll give you whatever you want if you give us advanced copies.”

Henry must be in a coma, and this was some bizarre dream his drug-addled mind conjured before his siblings pulled the plug. How else could he be sitting in an SUV with one of the most popular bands in the country, who are apparently fans of his books? Penelope and Grace turned their heads as well, Grace giggling, “Are you talking about Uncle Henry’s smutty books? Our mum says we aren’t allowed to read them.”

“With good reason,” Henry said sternly, looking at his bemused nieces. He returned his attention to the trio and said, baffled, “I’ll get with my agent? God, this is so bizarre. I can’t believe you’ve read my books.”

“It’s all Alé’s fault,” Nora said, winking at the singer. “When he finds something he likes, his little ADHD brain latches onto it and falls down an obsession rabbit hole.”

“Shut up, Nora,” Alex said through clenched teeth. The calm and confident veneer from earlier was shattered, and Henry marveled at how alarmingly human Alex was then. But, to Henry’s immense frustration, that made him all the more charming and attractive. He needed to get a grip. This was nothing. It wasn’t ever going to be anything. This was just three very kind young popstars sharing a meal with two fans and their awkward-as-dog’s-bullocks uncle, and that was it.

Again: Nicholas Galitzine, this is all your fault.

Cover Art because I'm a nerd and enjoy having art for my stories on here:

[antebunny]

random observations about kudos/hits ratios on ao3

so i've been reading fic on ao3 since uhhhh about 2016? 2015 maybe? and writing since 2018 ish. during those years i've made a few observations about common ao3 reader/author behaviors. i thought i'd share them with the obvious caveat that i am limited to the fandoms i've been in and my own personal experiences

One-Shots

generally the standard for one-shots is a 1/10 kudos/hit ratio. meaning if a fic has 3,000 hits, it has at least 300 kudos.

if a fic has a kudos/hit ratio below 10%, it probably has an unsatisfying ending. i almost never see the ratio lowered for poor writing quality.

the exception is fics tagged Unhappy Ending or Hurt No Comfort. those get less hits but the people reading know what they're getting in to. those fics will generally stay within a 10% range.

generally fluff one-shots or fics that are all comfort, no hurt have the highest ratios of any category of fics, sometimes reaching as high as 20%.

Multi-Chaptered Fics

these fics are damn lucky if they reach 10% lmaooo

this is a gradient of sorts, though. complete fics with 2/3 chapters have a much higher chance of being near a 1/10 kudos/hit ratio, while those decade-long 400k 50 chaptered epics are probably near 1%.

based on how ao3 hits work, i would guess that this is because there's a higher chance of ao3 registering another hit even if the reader is just reading the latest updates.

basically, a 2-chapter fic started and finished within two weeks has a very good chance of being above the 10% ratio. that really long fic you spent a week reading three years ago which made you feel like you just ran a marathon? not a chance.

a brief tangent into chapter lengths: a higher length correlates with higher quality. i want to emphasize (actually, i want to tell twelve-year-old self this, but 12 y/o me is beyond our help now) that quantity does NOT make quality. just because you can squeeze an extra thousand words into chapter 3 doesn't make the story any better. however, in general, the writing quality of a 30k fic with 3 chapters will be higher than that of a 30k fic with 30 chapters.

there are exceptions! i once read a very long fic with very long chapters where the writing was, for lack of a better descriptor, extremely childish. the author mostly rotated the same ten verbs around and around for 100k. also sometimes you read a 400-word one-shot that mentally destroys you for weeks.

of course, at the end of the day none of this matters. i wrote a barely decent 42k 5-chapter fic which is somehow over the 10% ratio. i cannot for the life of me understand why this is. it's not good, you guys. it's really not. on the other hand, i wrote a 37k one-shot which is below the 10% ratio. the kudos/hit ratio has not changed how i view the quality of those fics, it just convinced me that some of y'all have no taste.

these really are just random observations i've made from my six ish years putting fic on the good old Archive. it's not meant to be a reading guide, just something that makes you go "huh."

[whinlatter]

Q&A: Yet another writing ask

responding to these writing asks in a bumper post so as not to clog dashes, hope this is ok!

7. Your favourite ao3 tag - @celestemagnoliathewriter

(Give me that sweet sweet sad canon compliant post-war content)

8. How slow is a slow burn? - @celestemagnoliathewriter

Millennia. Eons. Civilisations rise and fall, new continents are formed, in the passage of ten thousand ice ages.

9. Thoughts on cliffhangers. - @celestemagnoliathewriter

Love em. Dangle me off that cliff, baby!

20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you? - anon

I do tend to work actively on one main project (right now, that's Beasts, a sprawling fic that is really living up to its name in my mind lol), and then sometimes tinker with or sketch out new projects on the side either just as the idea comes and I need to scribble it down, or to give my brain a refresh and a holiday away from the main project. I tend to write a lot every day (one of the few perks of the flexibility grad school life because it sure as hell isn't the job prospects and material security amirite), so need the variation to break it up a bit. The Dean fic I shared in response to this ask is a good example of a consciously different fic I let myself pick up and play with as a reward for making progress on my main project (sorry Dean - always the guy to pick up and play with, never the main man...) I don't have hundreds though, only ever three or four, of extremely varying quality.

22. What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again? - @turanga4

Ah man, there's nothing like it. Just want those sweet babies to find their way to each other every time. Also it's so nice to have been thinking about characters for so many years and still be learning and seeing new things in their dynamic by exploring them in ninety thousand different scenarios. It's actually kind of a joke how much canon-compliant Jily fic I've been mainlining atm and every time being like, how will these two crazy kids ever find their way to each other?! Like girl bffr

Thank you all so much for these, I had a blast responding to them!

[fragileizywriting]

Izy please I need you to tell me more about dl!juleka, I've been thinking about her for days. We know she thinks of Mari as a sort of mother figure, obvi she sees Luka as her brother and loves him forever but what does she think of Adrien? Does she also see him as a brother? Older brother you mess with?? Younger brother you also mess with but in a different way?? What does she think of the dl trio kids when they come around? How does she fit in that family dynamic? /1

/2 like does she help take care of the babies? Does she teach em cool tricks or pranks? Does she tell them stories???? I bet she has the best stories. Do the kids see her as an older sister ?? Please I'm so full of thoughts and feelings about this familyyyy

i'm so late to answer your question i'm sorry! i wanted to answer today but i got distracted by [gestures vaguely] bad feelings. i will do my best to answer the first part tonight before bed and get to the second part tomorrow!

i haven't decided what type of relationship she'll have with adrien because it's kind of a bit of a mixed bag. i think it'll be super unique to them both; she's never interacted with a guy outside of luka (though to be fair, calling luka a guy in this context is an understatement) and meanwhile adrien's never interacted with a child. i think adrien is going to learn a great deal about how children work and how to take care of them, even though jules is pretty self-sufficient. she has needs, because she's a First but also because she's blind and because she's also a child, and this isn't something he was expecting at all. he certainly never imagined a little girl to show up in their lives, fully articulated and all.

i think both jules and adrien aren't used to sharing in the way they have to. maybe they get on each other's nerves in a brother/sister way that her and luka don't get up to. i'm thinking maybe their relationship is similar to some moments between power/denji? the two of them bite and scuffle over food, seating arrangements, books...

this ask has made me think about something a bit off tangent-- just something small, miniscule, where maybe marinette is remaking jules's bed because she kinda fucked up the sheets the night before because she had a nightmare and kept tossing and turning, and marinette is putting on a new pillow case and stuff and jules is sitting on the bed waiting and she's just listening to marinette hum, and she goes:

"mei mei?"

"yes, my love?" marinette answers off-handedly. when jules doesn't reply, just simply smiling to herself, marinette stops moving her hands. "jules? what's wrong?"

"nothing," jules responds. "i just waited a long time to hear you say that. it's nice to finally be able to hear it, you know?"

and marinette starts tearing up, because she's a baby, she's a little girl, who loves so unconditionally. she fell and she's in pain and things hurt but she still smiles when she's happy and her laugh is so cute and adorable and sometimes eats off of luka's fork when she wants to try something but doesn't want to commit.

"oh," marinette whispers, just loud enough for her to hear. "how long did you wait to hear my voice?"

"since i read your book!"

"since before i was born, huh?"

"it's worth it. so, so worth it. lukas's book says that you sound like stars. adrien's book always mentioned your accent whenever you spoke french but i never realized how much i'd love it until i heard it. it kept me a lot of company."

millions and millions of years, waiting? how could she do it? marinette has only spend a few tens of thousands, and that's enough for her to never want to go through it again. how did jules manage, knowing that a family waited for her down here, but she needed to wait until the right moment?

marinette can't help herself, pulling jules in for a hug. tears running down her face as she tucks the little angel close and kisses her bangs. "never again, okay? you and i are staying together. the whole family is. i promise."

"okay," jules whispers. marinette can feel wetness bleeding onto her shirt. "forever."

[nancypullen]

Fiona

We're back! We're home and I'm sorting through hundreds of photos, trying to choose how I can share the highlights of the trip without burying you in vacation pictures and boring you to death. Ireland was wonderful. What a beautiful country and what incredibly kind and friendly people! I think small talk is the national sport. You will not meet a stranger in Ireland. The weather during our trip was about what we expected it. Ireland is a rainy country, and even when it's not raining, it's rarely sunny. A year has 8760 hours and Ireland averages 1100 to 1500 sunny hours per year. I don't mind that a bit, I love a moody sky. We had two rainy days, both cleared by mid-afternoon. We had several days that started with fog and just a barely there misty rain, again clearing by afternoon. And we even had three days of actual partly sunny or outright sunny weather. The hottest, sunniest day was luckily when we took a ferry out to Inisheer (Aran Islands), so that worked out perfectly.

The point of all that weather talk is to introduce Fiona. That's what I named my Irish hair. I tried to control her, but she was wild and free. There was no amount of product that could tame her and no tool in my arsenal was strong enough to break her spirit. You guys, I walked around looking like a clown. Not exaggerating. You know that in the 15 years that I've posted on this blog, a healthy portion of the content has been ruining/fixing/complaining about/laughing at my hair. The universe gave me the gift of blarney, but not the blessing of good hair. If a picture is worth a thousand words, allow me to illustrate.

American hair...

Irish hair...

My husband was unaware that he was vacationing with Diana Ross. Does anyone remember that episode of friends where they all went somewhere in the Caribbean and Monica's hair exploded?

Yep.

I thought I was prepared. I expected the rain and packed my anti-curl and anti-frizz products. They were no match for the constant misting and wet fog.

Yes, I did wear a lot of black on this trip. Perhaps I knew there'd be a funeral for my dignity. I swear, I started each day with a plan to subdue her, but Fiona roared back and refused to be vanquished. You have to respect a spirit like that. She was a worthy opponent, stronger and more determined, and I feel no shame in admitting defeat. Okay, now that we have all of that nonsense out of the way, I'll get down to the business of sharing beautiful Ireland with you. My favorite spot was Dingle. I could have stayed a week there. I've got too many pictures so I'll sift through them and try to hit just the highlights. I have so much to tell you, from scary cliffside driving and interpreting the Irish language, to my search for a green vegetable. Ten days of beef, potatoes, and bread made Mickey very happy. My body was craving greens. I did find some beautiful salads - a smoked salmon salad in Dingle, and this beauty in Galway.

I wanted to marry that salad. Rocket greens, beet root, crispy crown of goat cheese, walnuts, a drizzle of honey....it was perfection on a plate.

But enough about food, I'll leave you with a view of yet another castle. They were everywhere. We'd be buzzing along toward the next village and just on the roadside, beyond a field of sheep or sitting in a cove - a castle! This is Dunguaire Castle, located in Kinvara. It had closed for the season on September 30th so we didn't go inside, just roamed the grounds. I'd planned to add pretty music to the video, but decided to leave in the original audio. There we were, not a car in sight, so we pulled over to explore the castle. Across the road was a field of sheep and donkeys. Peaceful, bucolic...until I took my phone out.

That donkey had a lot to say. I couldn't understand him though, it was all in Irish. Alright, back later with more. I promise it will be prettier and more interesting. SO MUCH to share! Stay safe, stay well, stay tuned! XOXO, Nancy

[verushkak70]

I understand what you're trying to do but in my experience it doesn't work

I've debunked literally hundreds of insane, factually & scientifically wrong crap a friend has been sending me off social media since the FIRST orange asshole campaign

It has not made a difference & I recently realized why (aside from, y'know, tens of thousands of Chinese & Russian social media bots gaming algorithms to inject false narratives into the mainstream to influence elections & democracy in multiple countries...)

It's because facts do not matter to him anymore

This is a belief system very much like religion - it might as well be religion

It is impervious to facts & science

Yet this is someone who I once considered highly intelligent & I still cannot understand how he's fallen for all of this except that, deep down, he must have either a hollow core, or a core of hate, that wants everyone else in the world to be as secretly miserable as he is (which I only know because I've known him for decades - since high school - casual observers would never say "this guy is miserable & self-loathing")

Objectively, on paper, he is intelligent or at least was intelligent & high scoring enough to get into Ivy League universities when we were graduating high school (he did not go to any tho; neither of us could afford such universities; we went to the state university that would take literally anyone, at the time, & from which you had to work at getting kicked out)

This was formerly a pro-choice, pro-porn, pro-drug guy who has drunk the Kool-aid - he's still pro-porn & pro-drug but suddenly in the past 2 years, as "throw it back to the states" became the propaganda on X (his favorite social media, ugh), he started saying it should be thrown back to the states

This from a guy who used to say - in his 20s, 30s, 40s - that abortion should be available on demand at drive thrus (which was hyperbole ofc; obvs you can't get one at an actual drive thru; it was the concept of fast & easy access he was championing)

As these right wing evangelical positions have trended on X, they have come up in his speech the past couple of years (really the past decade, but it accelerated like the speed of light once he moved from FB to the post-Musk Twitter/X)

Because I've known him for so long, I've been able to say, "Huh, you never used to say/believe that over the last 40 years... Why the change, & why now?"

& even that does not get him to realize his opinions are being deliberately shaped by propaganda

He will deny it or say "well I always kind of thought that way" & when I say "dude, you've never been shy of sharing your opinions, whether people wanted to hear them or not, especially if not! so why haven't you mentioned this change of opinion until after X became your main source of 'news'?"

That gets evasions & subject changes because the idea that he didn't come up with these ideas on his own is unacceptable

He will share literally fake news from X & when I ask, "OK, I get that you don't trust mainstream media, with good reason; or the government, with good reason; or the medical/scientific establishment, not without good reason; but you'll just believe anything some clown you don't know on the Internet - who could be anywhere in the world despite his "US Navy Vet" trucker hat - says, without question?"

& his response is always subject changes & attacks on mainstream media/government/politicians/parties but never an answer to the actual question because there is no rational explanation & he knows it

& if I call him on the subject changes, he just ratchets up the subject changes & attack rhetoric as if I'm one of those easily offended wilting liberal flowers he can steamroll, which I'm not & never have been, so it's interesting (if sad) that he thinks what works on other people will work on me

Or maybe he just doubles down because there IS no rational explanation, idk

This is seriously depressing me because this guy was my BFF for like the first 30 of our 40 year friendship - my older sisters would call him "our adopted little brother" - & I don't recognize him anymore

The only reason I continue to talk to him, really, is my oldest sister, who passed away a year ago in February, & was a big activist & organizer/coordinator of various (large) protests here, said "don't give up on him, don't fight or argue - just keep listening & questioning" because "he's a good egg"

& honestly he is, underneath all the sourball curmudgeon thorny exterior - the man has never not been there when I needed him & lots & lots of times when I didn't, just for fun

But this is becoming exhausting & I'm stressed out from not literally screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHERE IS MY FRIEND, YOU CRAZY POD PERSON WHO TOOK HIS PLACE??"

I'm sorry - I'm just venting, I guess

But please tell me how someone can maintain the cognitive dissonance of a high index of suspicion for the mainstream media, the government, & medicine/science, but not some Joe Blow clown on the Internet - as if somehow that guy (who's probably actually a Chinese or Russian bot) is telling the gospel truth & has a hidden mainline to the secrets of the universe

Because I can't understand it

I can understand it in people who've not had the privilege of university education (my friend has)

or international travel (my friend has, multiple times, with me & others)

or who never left the neighborhood or town where they grew up (my friend did as soon as he could)

I cannot understand it in my formerly skeptical & always shrewd friend

I honestly do not get it 😞

So many people do not understand the relationship between climate change and cold weather.

[vizowrites]

Ya know when I got into the helluva boss amd Hazbin hotel Fandom I was not expecting to come out with ships but like Blitzstrike just wiggled in there and there isn't enough content about them out there!

Anyway if you are still taking hc how do you think striker would react to blitzo getting hurt on a job either seriously or minorly? Or heck how would he react to robofiz talking to blitz like he does in looloo land?

Hi Love!! So I hope you don't mind that I just screenshotted your 2nd ask and added it into the first BUT I wanted to do it because the answer I have covers them both and is also kind of sort of a little surprise announcement to everyone here: These exact things that you asked for are things that I'm tackling in my first ever multichapter BlitzStrike fanfic [currently outlined to be a MINIMUM of 15 chapters] that I'm calling: Lightning Strikes Twice <3 <3

Lightning Strikes Twice is actually a part [the main part] of what I'm calling "The LST Series" [The Lightning Strikes Twice Series]. It focuses on the headcanon you just described here where Striker was the one that gave Blitz those horseback riding lessons when Blitz ran off on Verosika to Wrath and maxxed out her credit cards. HOWEVER, due to usual Blitz relationship shenanigans, they end up breaking up after a few years together and kinda go their separate ways for a number of years--during which time Blitz does everything that he does in canon [adopting Loona, starting up I.M.P., stealing The Grimoire from Stolas] and basically takes things back full circle to the canon series of events. But--just when he least expects it--Blitz finds himself with an unexpected visitor crashing in on him in the middle of the night: none other than his ex, Striker. This leads to more shenanigans happening, now in conjunction with the canon timeline as it plays out, annnnnnd I feel like to describe this in any more detail would just be completely spoiling everything so I'll stop here hahahahaha!! :D

The only other things that I will note real quick are that: 1. Striker's reaction to Blitz getting hurt AND Striker's reaction to hearing RoboFizz say The Thing to Blitz are both in this fic and 2. There will be at least one prequel oneshot [titled "Riding Lessons"] that features the first meeting between Blitz and Striker in the Wrath Ring for those horse-riding lessons, and the possibility for sequels that can have a little bit more of a 'pick and choose' thing about them so that readers themselves can decide for themselves how they want the story to end individually. So far I can say I have one shorter multichapter fic planned as a sequal, and at least one or two oneshots that don't in any way HAVE to be read in conjunction with Lightning Strikes Twice, but they can still exist as an optional additional part of the canon if people want them to. <3 <3

I hope that answers your questions, Love!! And I hope that you'll give the fic a read as soon as it gets posted!! I have full outlines for 12 of the 15 chapters, and have most of the first chapter already written and ready to go. I'm planning to post the first chapter once I manage to get at least halfway through writing up chapter two, though ideally I'd like to get both of the first full two chapters written before I post anything officially--I'm just guessing that I'm going to run out of patience at some point. :D <3 <3

[nonegenderleftpain]

To all the new, young MCR fans out there who are just finding them during this tour - you will never know what it was like to be a fan back before and during the hiatus.

And that's a good thing.

I have been following My Chemical Romance since I was ten years old. MCR was the band that the freaks liked. The band that young queer kids were called fags and dykes for liking. Someone once called them the "poster child for suicidal depression," and they aren't wrong. We watched the band struggle with drugs and drinking and idolized how much they were able to do while blackout on tour, because if they could do something so powerful at such a disadvantage, then maybe we could, too. We watched the popularization of "guyliner," because having a term for men wearing makeup could make it an ironic fashion statement instead of a deliberate choice that would get you left bloody and unconscious on the floor of a gas station bathroom. We watched these guys destroy themselves, and we saw ourselves in them because we were destroyed, too. We wanted to believe that we could be just as important, no matter how broken we were, and we found shared experiences at concerts and cafeterias and skate parks and libraries, with other fucked up kids that wanted to listen to the guys that didn't care if people called them gay. The guys that made out on stage to the jeers of thousands of people and got bottles of piss thrown at them but kept doing it anyway. The guys that played with gender and sexuality and everything on the fringes of acceptability, in their lyrics and their performance and the way they treated each other.

This was important. It was life-saving. It provided a comparatively safe space in an unsafe cultural environment for the freaks to find comfort in. It was also hugely and dangerously unhealthy.

I've talked at length to my friends about how healing and lifechanging this tour has been for me, and I want to illuminate that for these young fans that are falling in love with MCR like I did when I was their age. When we were kids, most of our heroes were already dead. They died young, had tragic lives, and we saw ourselves in them. I fully believed MCR would end up the same way. It would have been so easy to be martyrs - to die young and beautiful. Gerard said it himself, back in the day, that MCR was destined to die young in a car crash and stay beautiful forever, and I think he truly believed that.

So they broke up. And, like a miracle, things started to change. They got clean. Got married. Had kids. Not just Gee, but the lot of them. They aged out of the 27 club, and then out of their 30s, and they only seemed to continue to thrive. Today, in 2022, Gerard Way is 45 years old. He has wrinkles. He has a daughter who is older now than I was when she was born. And they are touring again.

The cultural change from when I was a teenager to now, when you guys are, is monumental. It's insane. It's fantastic. Back in the day, Gerard made some occasional comments about playing with gender presentation (that all us trans people, including those of us that didn't even know yet, hunted down and cherished and kept in our chests for safekeeping), but the idea of doing something so flagrant as headlining Riot Fest in a dress was ludicrous. It would have gotten him booed (still did, even now). It could have gotten him killed. The fact that Gerard Way has stepped on stage three separate times this tour in a dress (so far! it's not over!) is such an incredible, monumental change from when I was a kid and I am so, so happy for you to be experiencing it as kids.

I had a cry about this at a P!ATD concert in 2018, after seeing preteens running down the halls in pride flags, and I feel even more strongly about it now than I did then. That you're able to talk openly about Gerard's gender performance without fear, that you're able to hear them go by he/they pronouns, that you're able to interact with other young fans in the wake of MCR's revival in a safe environment and take in the messages that are at the core of what they stand for? These are beautiful fucking things.

You can't know what it was like, growing up with MCR back in the day. But you get to know what it's like to grow up with them now. Cherish that. In Detroit, Gerard told us to take our meds, and reminded us that we made it. They made it. They fought through the hard parts, fought the demons, and came out the other side better for it. As you watch them put those demons to rest from concert to concert, know that there are older fans cheering you on, so fucking happy to see you sharing this experience with us, and so excited to see what way this changes you. We know it changed us.

[doccywhomst]

Martha Jones is my favourite companion. She deserved better from Ten. Which other Doctor(s) do you think would have been great for Martha to travel with?

oh my GOD, okay, it's happening- everybody stay calm, everybody stay CALM, stay FUCKING CALM

first doctor: initially, he's all hee hee hoo hoo wacky space granddad, but then he's always telling her to stay in the tardis and stand here and go there and wait and- she doesn't listen to a word of it. they don't mesh

second doctor: he radiates lethal amounts of crackhead energy and she isn't quite sure how to navigate that. might have to pair her with a slightly more down-to-earth doctor

third doctor: yeaaaah baby, now we're cooking with nitro-9. he's always saying stuff like "i'm a doctor of everything, miss jones" and "i have thousands of years of experience, miss jones" and then he immediately gets his shit wrecked and martha launches in to rescue him like

fourth doctor: she's had to tell him off once or twice for sheltering her, but he got the message pretty quick and now they're constantly running head-first into danger. in fact, out of the pair of them, martha is the sane one. four is at the controls and she's like

fifth doctor: martha has family problems. that's established. i think she'd love to travel with five's posse of queer youth, if for no other reason than to get a lot of hugs and cool outfits. i want this now

sixth doctor: if he acts the fuck up, he gets smacked the fuck up, and he learned that almost immediately. now they have an unsurpassed mutual respect for one another. no strained relationship, no thin ice. just vibes. martha does have a love-hate relationship with the coat, though

seventh doctor: when they click, they click, but when they clash, they clash hard. they're both too stubborn for each other and it can create a Difficult Working Environment. i love seven but i'm not sure they'd play nice

eighth doctor: oh. oh ho ho. oh my god. can you even begin to imagine? his stories are so insane and terrifying, and his character is such a liminally-dwelling cryptid - i think she'd sense him in her vicinity like how birds sense tsunamis. at first, she's like "haha, this pretty guy is so silly, he's making me pancakes!" and then he does Something and she's like

ninth doctor: sad bitches UNITE. this is lonely hearts solidarity. they sass each other to death out of spite for the world and then share a snuggie, pull out their VHS copy of The Notebook, and drink a pina colada with two straws

tenth doctor: we know how that went down….

eleventh doctor: like with the second doctor, i think he's slightly too rabid and alien for martha to deal with. he's always bouncing off the walls and spinning in circles and diverging neurologically and she just needs someone consistent to throw her tether around. we need a shoulder to cry on, STAT

twelfth doctor: unrivaled. unmatched. undefeated. they meet and she's like "you're the most fucked up old man i've ever met (affectionate)" and he's like "you're the most practical and level-headed person in my life (derogatory)" and they hit it off splendidly

thirteenth doctor: similar to eight. martha can feel the extremely disturbing and eldritch miasma that thirteen emanates and is immediately put off by it. nothing against thirteen, but martha gets within twenty feet of her and this warning message pops up in her brain

in conclusion, i love martha very much and she's a bamf

[drarrily-we-row-along]

A Small Thank You

So one year ago today, I had a super shitty day at work, in a long string of super shitty days at work. I'd stopped writing for the other fandom I'd been in because some people hadn't been very nice, and I just really wanted to do something creative. Something just for me.

One year ago today, I wrote this little ficlet and posted it, telling myself that if people weren't kind, I could just take it down. I couldn't have imagined what the past year has brought me in this fandom.

First and foremost, it's brought me so much joy. I've loved getting to know so many fantastic people, it's been a profoundly humbling and meaningful experience to have so many people interact with my writing. This blog went from having one solitary follower to currently having 1672 followers- a fact that is continuously absolutely inconceivable to me.

In the past year I've written: - 218 fics - 398,284 words

If you'd told me when I started this, I would not have believed that I was capable of that.

My fics on AO3 have gotten 41,195 kudos and had 331,296 hits. And this is to say nothing of the literal tens of thousands of notes that have been left on my things on Tumblr (but aren't easily trackable like they are on AO3).

And honestly, that ^ is the reason that I've been able to do this. You guys are amazing, your love and support has carried me through so difficult times. Writing fics for the past year and sharing them with all of you is one of the coolest things I've ever been able to do.

You have blessed me more than you can imagine and I am so thankful for all of you and for all of the joy that you have brought me.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of the joy and love. <3 Happy one year anniversary.

[studiojeon]

bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In  your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence. 

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light. 

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with. 

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

[cocosstories]

Sebastian Stan One Shot

Can I request a Sebastian Stan x reader where they announce their relationship and there’s a lot of backlash but he helps reader through it (and maybe proposes 🤭).

Can I request a Sebastian Stan x reader where they were keeping their relationship a secret but one night Sebastian says he doesn’t want to hide it anymore so they post about each other but reader gets a lot of hate and Seb helps her through it? Super fluffy sweet ending? Thank you!

"What would you think about maybe going public with our relationship?"

You were brushing your teeth, getting ready for bed when your boyfriend Sebastian comes in and blurts out his question.

The two of you had been together for about sixteen months now and since the beginning, you had agree to keep it out of the public eye.

"I don't know Sebby, the second everyone finds out, we are going to be subjected to all of their opinions. Do you really want that?"

You finish brushing your teeth and walk out into the bedroom.

"You know what? I really do. I love you Y/N. In the past, I have tried to keep my private life private but none of those relationships, none of those women were you. I want the whole world to know how I feel about you."

Even though you still weren't sure about it, you couldn't help but want to make Sebastian happy.

"Alright, fine. We can go public."

Sebastian pulls you into his arms, kissing your head.

"Thank you beautiful."

You climb into bed, grabbing your book, planning on reading a few chapters. Sebastian gets into bed a few minutes later with his phone.

"Alright, what do you think?"

He asks, holding his phone over your book. He slides through the ten pictures he chose for his post.

"Yeah, its fine. Looks good babe."

You smile and go back to your book as he confirms the post. After a few minutes you put the book down, unable to focus on the story knowing that everyone was going to have all sorts of comments about your relationship by morning.

As you had expected, as soon as you woke up, you were bombarded by hundreds of notifications on your phone.

'I thought you had better taste than that Sebastian.'

'She is so ugly why would you ever want to be with her?'

'Hopefully he will dump her nothing ass soon.'

'You aren't good enough for him bitch, go away!'

The comments went on and on until you couldn't look at them anymore and shut off your phone with a sigh.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

Sebastian wakes up, immediately noticing how upset you were.

Without a word, you turn your phone back on and pull up the comments again to show him.

"I told you this would happen."

You get up out of bed and go to make coffee, Sebastian following quickly behind you.

"I'm sorry. Maybe that wasn't the best way to do it but we did it, knowing there would be some trolls. We just can let it rip us apart. We are in this together alright?"

You nod.

"Were in this together."

Even though you had agreed with him, Sebastian could still tell it was bothering you.

A few hours later, you are sitting on the bed when Sebastian walks in.

"I've been thinking, maybe we could try it again."

You look at him confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"What if we did a live together?"

He suggests and you laugh hysterically.

"Are you crazy? What so people can tell us how much they hate us being together in real time?"

"Or maybe it could be just what people need. Lets just try ok?"

Those puppy dog eyes of his pierce your heart and you give in.

"Fine. But if we start getting a ton of hate, we are shutting it off ok?"

He quickly agrees and starts the live before you change your mind.

"Hey guys, so I know that we kind of just bombarded you with the news of our relationship out of nowhere so we thought maybe we would come on here and talk to you guys. First off, this is Y/N."

You wave at the camera with a smile.

"Hello everyone."

Sebastian rubs your back for encouragement.

"We have been together for almost a year and a half. We decided to keep things to ourselves for a while but now we want to share it with you. So if you have any questions let us have them."

Your hands get a little shaky as you wait for the first questions to come in.

'Are you living together?'

"We are, yeah, I moved in about six months ago actually."

'Are you thinking about getting married?'

You giggle a bit at the question as you look at Sebastian, waiting for an answer.

"We have definitely talked about it but I think we are just happy living together for right now."

You finally say after Sebastian stays quiet.

"Actually, I was thinking, I may have changed my mind about that."

The comments begin to go wild. Most of them accusing Seb of trying to break up with you.

"Now guys, be nice. Why would I ever leave this beautiful and amazing woman? Especially after I bought her this."

Sebastian places a small box in your hand.

"Y/N, will you marry me?"

Thousands of people watch as you nod through happy tears and Sebastian places the ring on your finger.

"Well guys, I guess I am officially off the market but we both love you and can't wait to share our life together with you."

By now the comments were mostly congratulatory, making you feel a lot better about everything.

"Thank you to everyone. I was really nervous about doing this or even telling you about us, especially after the comments on our pictures. I thought doing a live was a terrible idea and would only bring more hate towards us but seeing how supportive you all are means a lot."

You blink back more tears as Sebastian ends the live and sets his phone down.

"I cannot believe that just happened. Did we really just get engaged? Are people really ok with us?"

The disbelief was still in full effect as you look down at the gorgeous ring on your finger.

"Yes my love. It just happened. You are going to be my wife. I am going to be your husband. We are going to get married."

Sebastian kisses you, pulling you into his lap as you deepen the kiss.

"Are you happy?"

He asks after you break the kiss.

"Happier than I have ever been in my whole life."