#And I personally love the middle school age range

[lovelyunknown]

Dont let me go on JW Pepper. I will spend hours fantasizing over singing or conducting every semi-interesting piece and get all bittersweet about the future. DEFINITELY dont let me go look during the fall and the holiday season. I will become SO excited about winter concerts that I wont be able to sit still.

[fandomfloozy]

my biggest gripe and hot take is about coach beiste btw

glee started 15 slutty, slutty years ago and ended a little under 6 slutty, slutty years later and i still

to this day

have some very big opinions on it lol

[moutheyes]

[translation] Nam Yoon-su interview with Vogue Korea

Original article link

(T/N: did this a bit quickly as it's been a busy week for me, apologies for any errors. once again i am but a longtime student doing this for practice and fun. there were some interesting bits in here about nam yoon-su's connection to go young and his experiences on set. i find his personality quite refreshing lol. also the pictures are gorgeous.)

No Pretense, Just the Truth: Nam Yoon-Su’s “Love in the Big City”

Oct. 20, 2024 | Son Gi-ho and Kim Na-rang

Today is Sunday, but weekends probably aren’t that special for actors, right?

If you start a job, you just keep going. That's when days start to lose significance.

You filmed Love in the Big City last winter and spring, are you working on something right now?

I rested for a bit after the surgery with my dad, and I’m preparing for a movie now.

You donated a kidney to your father this past June, have you recovered? Can you drink that coffee?

It’s okay as long as I don’t drink four cups a day. Smoking is the worst so I quit. 

You were appointed as the ambassador for the Life-Sharing Campaign. It seems like you experienced firsthand the value of organs and tissue.

I was interested in it before, so I searched up videos on YouTube. Obviously I didn’t know that I would end up donating my kidney. I could actually feel my body changing during the process. My skin became dull because the kidney couldn’t detoxify properly, and seeing people have trouble going to the bathroom gave me a lot to think about.

This will make a big difference in your life.

More than anything, it improved my relationship with my father. (laughs) There are three of us, all boys, and we didn’t get along well with him. But now we talk a lot.

Love in the Big City is based on the novel by Park Sang-young, and it’s widely recognized as a Booker Prize-nominated queer romance novel. Did you feel pressured by the genre?

I started modeling in my second year of high school (T/N: equivalent of junior year in NA), and there were a lot of queer staff members around, so I never felt that sense of difference. Everyone has their own world, right? I also had a childhood friend come out to me when they turned 20. We actually became closer after that.

How did you get the role?

I was contacted by the production company and met with the directors. There are four of them—Hur Jin-ho, Hong Ji-young, Son Tae-gyeom, and Kim Se-in—and I hadn’t met anyone before, so we needed time to get to know each other. Their directing styles are all different, but thankfully they all gave me the okay.

During the meeting, did they ask if you were okay with doing a queer romance?

Not at all. If I thought that way at all, even a little bit, the meeting wouldn’t have happened.

What kind of conversation did you have then?

They were unexpectedly curious about my hardships. Looking back on why we talked about that, though, I think it’s because I had to play Go Young from age 20 into his 30s. I had to show various emotions and character growth at all those different ages.

It seems like you’re right in the middle of that ten-plus year range for Go Young.

I’ll be 30 in three years. Episodes 1 and 2 tell the story of 20-year-old Go Young, but we shot episodes 3 and 4 first. It was better to film him in his mid-20s first. Director Hur Jin-ho made it comfortable for me while filming. It seemed like he placed a lot of importance on sound. Even after giving the okay, he would sit there with his eyes closed and just listen.

I’m interested to see how four different directors, working independently, will capture your image.

I haven’t seen the final edit yet, so I’m also curious and looking forward to it. I was only able to see the parts I later had to add narration for. Like the novel, there were a lot of parts I had to describe or explain.

Was there anything you had to keep in mind while doing the narration?

I couldn’t get caught up in the emotions and had to read everything in a similar manner, using a normal tone. That way it would be easier for the viewers. The emotions are already shown on screen, so if the narration was too forceful it would be hard to handle.

In an eight-episode show, you had different acting partners every two episodes (Lee Su-kyung, Kwon Hyuk, Na Hyun-woo, Jin Ho-eun, and Kim Won-joong). It must have felt like you were filming fragments of four separate works.

It was interesting because not only the directors, but the actors, staff, assistant directors, and producers all changed as well. It was a little difficult at first. On top of that, all the directors had different styles and wanted different things from me. I think that produced a more interesting result.

It must have been a big challenge for the actors.

Yes, it was a challenge. (laughs) One week it was one director, the next week it was another director, so I had to change my own approach every time. I learned a lot through that process.

Was there a wrap party for the entire production? (laughs)

Each team had their own gathering, but unfortunately we couldn’t do a big one.

While filming Today’s Webtoon, you said you were extremely sensitive because you wanted to do a good job. And because of that, you lost a lot of weight. How did you feel while filming this drama?

I’m fundamentally a sensitive person. Of course, I can handle it so I don't affect others. This time, my main focus was on showing the changes in Go Young’s expressions and speech as he got older. For example, he was more active in his relationships when he was younger, but as time passes you can see him slowing down. Also, he changes his hairstyle and fashion. But that’s also due to the directors having different preferences.

You started out as a model, so do you have any personal views about fashion?

Nope. (laughs) I go around wearing comfortable tracksuits.

Which of Go Young’s eras are you most drawn to?

While shooting episodes 3 and 4 with director Hur Jin-ho, there’s a scene where he goes running to the hospital after finding out his mother is sick. It was around the time when my father was ill, so I definitely felt a lot of empathy.

You were also having a hard time then.

Physically I was fine, but I couldn’t say the same about my heart. I became one with Go Young when he was in front of his sick mother. I was able to grasp the emotions, so we filmed those scenes without needing to rehearse. The emotions were captured really well, so we didn’t need any other scenes to explain the situation.

It must have been a strange feeling, having real-life sadness help with your acting.

To be honest, I just concentrated on filming the scene at the time and didn’t think about my father. Thinking about it later, I realized it was easy to express those feelings because of my connection with him.

How did you feel after filming that scene?

I don’t look back once it’s over. I just come right back to reality.

In a way, that’s a blessing. Some actors have to receive counseling to separate acting from real life.

You have to keep filming, right? You can’t keep clinging to just that one scene. Of course, the on-site staff takes care of you and asks when you want to film a scene where you need to immerse yourself in your feelings. That’s the degree of difficulty. But even if it’s an emotional scene, I brush it off when it’s over and go home.

Go Young is a lively and carefree character. What about you?

Even though Go Young is straightforward, there are still times when his heart aches. Although he expresses himself in his 20s to the point where it feels aggressive, he hides his feelings more as he gets older. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t talk a lot and hides my feelings, so I can be misunderstood. When I was a model, I was shy and cautious of my surroundings, and couldn’t even greet people properly. That changed when I started acting.

Now you seem very warm and comfortable with other people.

That’s only been true for a few years. The production company head even said I seemed awkward when we met, so they thought I wasn’t interested in the work. I’m more comfortable talking to others now, but of course, I don’t like forced situations.

Like what?

It’s often described as being “fox-like.” It’s better to be honest rather than pretend to like someone in order to look good.

The longer you see them, the better they will be.

That’s right. Most of the people I see on a personal basis are childhood friends from my neighborhood, but we can’t meet that often because they’re all busy with their social lives.

It seems like you got close to all of the actors in Love in the Big City since you’re all around the same age.

It was really fun on set. But I’m not the type to contact people that often; I don’t want to meet them unless it’s from the bottom of my heart.

Kim Won-joong, who also started as a model, said in an interview with Vogue Korea that you were really reliable and helped him out a lot.

He's a top model, but since this was his first time acting, he obviously wasn’t familiar with the process. Normally no one on set tells you anything in detail. I tried to make things comfortable by telling him about that kind of stuff. Not just comfortable for him, but also for me. I wanted both of us to do well.

There are a ton of skinship scenes. How did you want those to be seen?

First I got my teeth deep-cleaned and then I passed out mouthwash. (laughs) Male actors, rather than female actors, are recommended to gargle. I’d go, “Hyung, do you want to gargle?” and then we’d laugh at each other. Man or woman, I just want it to be seen as two people who love each other.

What was the hardest part for you?

Go Young has a bit of a daredevil streak, so he usually starts the skinship. There was a scene with eight actors that required over 300 takes. Each time I tried my best to make them comfortable, and it wasn’t as hard as I thought.

You seem pretty calm when you come across some kind of difficulty.

If I don’t deal with it today, I’ll have to do it tomorrow, so my belief is that I should just get it done. Other people tell me I don’t seem to get stressed out, but I think it just piles up silently. There are times when I’m fine and it’s a normal day, and then suddenly I feel it one night.

Even if you don’t realize it, your body will show symptoms of stress.

Sometimes I suffer from gastroesophageal reflux (GERD), but that’s my problem. I want to show everyone else a smiling image. 

I guess that’s why you smile all the time. Is it hard to keep smiling?

If I frown because I’m having a hard time, it’ll affect other people. Do no harm, right? It’s a kind of principle. A while back, I received a thank you text from one of the staff. It was long and said something like, “I’ve never contacted an actor before, but I was surprised because you finished everything with a smile even when things were difficult on set.”

Is that a recent moment where you were proud of yourself?

It’s more so the DMs I received from abroad thanking me for doing the show. There was one from a Brazilian person saying, “This drama is even more meaningful because gay marriage is illegal in our country, and I’ll be sure to watch it.” Of course, there are a lot of detractors. Go Young’s mom is a Christian, and I actually received a DM from a woman who is of a similar age that said, “Youngsu-ssi, I thought you were a good person but I’m disappointed in you.” But there has been a shift in the perception of queer people in Korea over the last 10-20 years, and it’ll continue changing in the future.

How did you feel after filming?

I felt strongly that we had made something together. We finished it while discussing how we could complement each other and making revisions. Also, there were fewer characters than in other productions, so the individual actors and staff could communicate more deeply. Although I was the one acting, I feel that the end result is something we achieved together.

Is there something you want to achieve before the end of the year?

I’m not good at setting goals. I used to make resolutions about how I should go about acting, but now I just work hard on every drama that comes to me. Rather than making plans for the future, the present is more important. This morning, I grated vegetables and then did some cleaning, and right now I’m focused on finishing up well with this photoshoot and interview.

[blackdollette]

poookieee!! as much as i love me some subby spence.. im dying for soft!dom spence ><

maybe a little prof-teacher taboo something if you’re feeling nasty 😩

i love a challenge!

"pick me up after school, you can be my baby." | spencer reid

ridin'. - lana del rey

fill out the taglist form! : @thirtyratsinasuit @auggiethecreator @oliviah-25 @sleepysongbirdsings @pleasantwitchgarden

college student!female!reader x professor!spencer

word count: 1.0k

contents: y/n is a legal adult, teacher/student dynamic, unprotected p in v, public sex, creampie

you had been taking an unsolicited slumber in the middle of your biology class with mr reid. 

the last period of the day when all the irrelevant tangents he went on would enter through one ear and come right out the other. so really, it wasn’t your fault that you just couldn’t keep your attention on him, regardless of his meek elegance and gentle composure. you had fallen asleep to his soft tone of voice, confident that he wouldn’t catch you as he rambled on. which was why you were completely baffled as to how he had you bent over his desk as he scolded you, your plaid skirt on the ground, hugging your ankles.

you had to admit, the tension between you two was palpable. with such a small age gap, it was hard to not fall for a teacher who had such a close resemblance to a greek god. as good as he was at keeping up his professional demeanor, you constantly caught him stealing occasional glances at you as you walked away from him or popping up in your physical education class, catching you in your shorts and tank top as a thin layer of sweat shone off your body. it was the way things had always been.

he tsked, one of his ringed hands having a tight grip on your bare hip. “snoozing during my class? i expected much more from you.” your cheek pressed against the cool oakwood of his neat, organized desk. you would’ve cringed at how cliche this scene was if it wasn’t what you had been thirsting for all along. you pouted, squirming as he used his other hand to keep your hands behind your back. “i-i didn’t mean to, mr reid. i swear..!”

as you moved, your hips pushed into his ever so slightly. he grinned a little, pulling his glasses away from his eyes and carefully placing them on top of his hair to hold back a few stray strands of hair. “i bet you say that to all the teachers, my dear…” your knees shook as his voice dropped an octave. you still had your panties on, which were soaking wet from the heat of the atmosphere.

he swallowed audibly hard, his breath growing shakier by the second as the awkward side of his personality began to flicker through. “y-you’re a very beautiful girl, y’know that..?” your cheeks heated up as he slowly began to trail his thumb up and down your clothed slit, a throbbing sensation growing in his concealed, starched uniform pants.

you whimpered quietly, your hot breath condensing onto the polished wood. he brought his lips to your ear, whispering in a tone that rang through your mind. “i ought to teach you a lesson for being such a bad girl in my class today…” he slipped a hand into his pocket, pulling out a square-shaped, golden package. a condom. you didn’t think guys like him would carry them around on the fly.

he moved his hand to the button and zipper of his pants, undoing them both swiftly. he tore open the condom pack with his teeth, baring pearly white canines. a white droplet began to seep through the thin fabric of his briefs, revealing his arousal. his thumbs kept a good rhythm on your soaking cunt, starting to slip underneath your panties as he whipped out his cock and rolled the condom onto himself with a deep groan.

your body trembled as the wait became agonizing. you felt so open, so exposed to him. his hands groped and caressed the most intimate parts of you as he lined himself up with your pulsing hole. you desperately moved your hips back, making him chuckle. “someone’s eager, huh?” he gripped his cock with a shaky hand, talking to you as he began to push himself into you. “well i could never deprive my favourite student of something she wants so badly…”

your hands ball into fists as he entered you, inch by inch as he stretched you out until you were full to the brim. you yelped, making him shove two fingers into your mouth to shut you up. your jaw closed around him, drool cascading onto the desk as he started to fuck you. he started slow and steady, his rhythm matching the one of a brand-new metronome.

you moaned and whimpered, your insides struggling to adjust to his size. but surely, he talked you through the overwhelming pleasure. “there you go… just like that..” his voice was low and breathing, your ass bouncing each time he pounded into you. the room filled with lewd noises quickly and you thanked the heavens that the classroom door was locked.

his balls slapped against your puffy clit as he picked up the pace, his fingernails leaving crescent-shaped marks on your soft flesh. tears filled your eyes as the overstimulation became mind-boggling. a mess of wetness and precum dripped down your inner thighs. you felt his thick girth twitch inside of you, his breathing getting louder with each thrust.

“s-such a good girl… takin’ me so well…” his words were slurred and melted into each other like ice cream. groans and whimpers echoed through the room, crescendoing until they reached a loud climax. your teacher tossed his head back as his balls tightened up and sent hot ropes of cum shooting into your guts. 

your cunt swelled as he filled you with his seed, your whole body going heavy as your orgasm hit you like a freight train. you bit your lip, hard enough to draw blood. you gasped as he pulled himself out of you, feeling empty by the lack of him inside you. he flipped you around, awkwardly taking you into his arms and kissing you deeply on the lips, his jaw clenching as he tasted you. the heat between your legs grew to an unbearable state and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him back until he pulled away, cheeks stained with pink.

he cleared his throat, crouching down to help you pick up your skirt. he lifted you off the desk, helping you put it on. he even took the extra step of grabbing you a handkerchief and dabbing away at the sticky mess on your thighs. as he finished, he looked at you and nodded with approval. “you’d better get going. i’ve assigned three chapters that must be read for our class discussion tomorrow.” you groaned, picking up your bookbag and slinging it over your shoulder. he chuckled, kissing you on the cheek and bringing his lips to your ear. “until next time, my dear.”

author's note: stream karma by jojo siwa

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/22/2024

rare tuesdaypost with no fallow sections. i CANNOT find the exact image i am looking for (mouse-drawn person sitting on bar stool with ankles crossed and blushing with eyelashes) but i feel like i found a lot of things this week that charmed me immensely. rare many such cases of many interests intersecting.

listening

almost exactly a year ago i wrote about jolynn j chin's SHIFTED, a piano jazz piece where the time signatures change on every bar, which came with an explainer video that is, spiritually, a physics video.

she's done it again with OFF TIME and a full album of equally bonkers concepts. i have a brain that is fairly good at manipulating 2D things (yarn, fabric) into 3D things but i do Not have this kind of math brain. wild shit.

-

reading

thank you philip for overseeing the photography of this trio of DELILAH DIRK graphic novels from Tony Cliff. i saw these on the library shelf and went "holy shit i read one of these as a webcomic in high school".

very well-paced indiana jones and james bond adjacent pulp adventures, with a soupcon of steampunk conveyances for taste. delilah started life in 2007 when strong snappy female characters were far less common. this is particularly...not quite grating, but very notable in the first two books (published in 2013 and 2016 respectively). they are intended to be middle-grade (disney villain falling deaths, no tits or ass, etc), but they punch far above their intended age range. a particularly interesting reckoning with the long-suffering native guide trope. not a series overly concerned with historical accuracy, although it's certainly more grounded in real history than you might expect of a middle-grade pulp adventure graphic novel. more colonial political concerns than i remembered or expected.

the art is really killer in all three books. tony cliff really knows the effect of a good page turn spread.

he also has a very charming way of illustrating continuing action across a huge panel. all four shots are from The Pillars of Hercules (2018) bc it happened to be the last one i read and the one with by far the most ambitious art.

-

watching

tubi has acquired the streaming rights to most of the batman animated movies. i keep getting served ads on instagram for an upcoming animated film about batman and the yakuza, where the premise is that a portal from real-life japan has opened up over gotham and the yakuza are pouring through like a demonic horde. this seems to be a sequel to batman ninja (2018, dir. Junpei Mizusaki)

Batman, along with his allies and adversaries, finds himself transported from modern Gotham City to feudal Japan.

batman ninja includes the lines:

I’m going to rule this country and turn it into a kingdom of monkeys and rewrite the history of the world!

and

What am I going to do with you, Batman? You’ve destroyed a perfectly good giant robot castle!

i would describe this as more of a feature-length animation showcase than anything else. the haters on letterboxed didn't even give it an average of 3 but that's bc they hate fun. this is some real weeb shit. this is not a grimdark or particularly thoughful batman entry. this is an entry to clap your hands in glee at the giant gundam vs monkey army fight. they have once again done my favorite comics boy jason todd dirty but what the fuck else is new.

so much fun even on just the like tree field guide level of identifying the six or seven animation styles. plus everyone's feudal japan looks are sick as shit.

was it Good? no. was i delighted at nearly every moment? fuck yeah.

-

playing

EXCEPTIONALLY charming embroidery-based game jam game, Cross Stitched by Panzerr here for free on itch.io. made in godot. god bless.

(image from the developer) you've got your little baba yaga house gundam in the center constantly firing projectiles, and you have to keep these fucking birds back. you can WASD around the edges of the tapestry, and your health is in the top (i really love how it gets "ruined" dark chunks taken out of it as you lose health, like a piece of embroidery decaying) and the bottom black bar of motifs fills up as you make progress towards adding another level and another piece to your powerup level tapestry.

(following images from me) you do have to think about your placement and plan it out a bit, and you can't embroider over something you've already stitched. would not recommend surrounding your initial base damage motif with other motifs bc then you've sort of fucked yourself over. a really simple concept (a good bite size for a game jam) elevated by a very fun visual style and great music. really delighted me! i am so jaded by my time in the video game marketing mines that i forgot they can be fun actually!

-

making

unphotographable: too many bugs in my house! tried to replace the weatherstripping on my front door and discovering that both the front door and the storm door were installed incorrectly and should probably be replaced.

in better news, the newest pathetic little waif in the office bathroom has been freshly neutered and will be going to a nice cushy indoor home next week-ish. whenever he is fully recovered. the most polite cat i have ever had in this carrier: did not piss, shit, or throw up.

KO'd by six cc's of various goops. poor man.

[criceofpain]

switch it up | park jongseong (reposted and edited)

featuring: enhypen's jake, heeseung, sunghoon, sunoo, and jungwon; stayc's yoon

synopsis: after you find your ex cheating with another guy, the quiet kid takes the opportunity to get closer to you. but the shocking part is, you never knew he could do a full 180 and be the most charming guy you've ever seen.

pairing: student!jay x student fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff, a tinge of angst (and humor lol)

word count: 7418

warnings: semi-public sex, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), slut-shaming, usage of pet names, vaginal penetration, alcohol consumption, gamer rage (especially heeseung lol), male masturbation, degradation, fellatio, minimal impact play, implied violence, two-timing, cheating, jakehoon are gay, jay has too much porn vids on his laptop, yoon has warfreak tendencies, too much tekken references, too much time skips

Being popular in school had its own perks.

If people were asked what they’d do if they became the most popular person in year two for twenty-four hours, you’d get a vast range of answers from all of them. Fame, beauty, authority, and money–the possibilities are endless for a household name in one of the most prestigious universities in Seoul. The thing is, though, downsides will always be inevitable.

Thursday’s a typical work day for the student council’s president–you. A ton of paper stacks were waiting to be scanned and submitted to the council adviser, but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up and actually work on them. The adviser’s office was two buildings away from your location, and God, did you dread walking. Worse, you had to do it every week and without the help of your vice president. Bothering to find him would be a waste of time, either.

The sudden ring of your phone disrupts your train of thought, making you look up to check whoever was trying to test your patience at this hour. Jakey ♡, your phone screen reads. You heave a relieved sigh; it’s been three days since your boyfriend last called and it was messing with your momentum. Even overthinking was a waste of time and you hated it.

“Hi, love.” you mumbled, voice laced with exhaustion. “I'm glad you finally called.”

“Love, can we cancel our date?” Jake asks from the other line, and your face immediately contorts to a disappointed scowl.

Strange. He’s usually not the type to postpone plans at the last minute because he knew you despised that type of feat. As the student council president, the last thing you'd want is for someone to waste your valuable time.

“Suddenly?” you deadpan as you put your pen down and slowly spin in the swivel chair you sat on. “We’ve got everything planned out and now you wanna cancel?”

Jake sighs. “Coach called us for training. He’s been lenient on me for the past week, I can't afford another absence.”

“Oh.” you utter, at loss for words. “Long day ahead, huh?”

It was what you least expected, anyways. You stay still in your seat, disappointment filling your chest. You start to feel uneasy—you knew you’d never stand a chance against his monster of a coach. What can I do? Jake was the team’s striker which gained him maximum importance. Without him, the team would basically be a chaotic bunch. 

“Sorry.” he mutters apologetically. “I didn't want this to happen, really.”

“I know, I know.” you grumble, picking your pen back up and fixing your attention back to the papers you were reviewing. “Can I come after training, though? We should at least eat, like, ramyeon, tteokbokki or something."

A few seconds of silence fills the other line before Jake replies, "God, that sounds—fuck. That's irresistible. I hope Coach lets me off ‘cause his diet plan is seriously killing me.”

“I sure hope he does,” you roll your eyes as the image of a conceited middle-aged man with his stomach overflowing his pants. “unless he wants a big ‘fuck you’ from me for tiring you out. You gotta rest, love.”

He chuckles, causing a grin to tug your lips. “I love you. I know you’re a busy woman and you’ve probably got a lot on your plate right now. I'll hang up now, hmm?”

Your reply gets cut off by the sudden drop of the call, and another sigh leaves your mouth. 

Popularity was so exhausting for you. However, not everyone suffers from the syndrome; take Park Jongseong–who goes by “Jay” in school–as an example. The lad has finally gotten a taste of rest after coding what felt like a thousand HTMLs, now nibbling on a cob of corn with his other hand glued to his keyboard.

Why had I never thought of playing Tekken as a way of escaping the hell of school and the sight of students’ thirst for crowd validation before? As he fervently taps the keys of his laptop, the corner of his lip tugs into a slight smirk. He continuously lands hits on a random Kazuya he was matched with, not letting them rest as he uses his trump card–Jin Kazama’s ten-hit combo.

The silence breaks as Jay’s hearty laughter booms in the computer club room. He sighed triumphantly, propping his head on his intertwined hands. 

"I gotta tell Heeseung hyung about this.” Jay snickers, grabbing his phone from beside his laptop and speed dialing the number “5”. After a few rings, his friend finally picks up. “Ay, hyung! I got good news for you.”

“Man, fuck you!” Heeseung, the student council’s vice president hisses from the other line, annoyance evident in his voice. Before the younger can ask about why he had such a tone, the older interrupts, “You’re never gonna let me live, are you?”

“Whoa, whoa, chill out, hyung.” Jay chuckles in confusion. “It’s not like I’m gonna use the ten-hit combo on you, is it? What’s the matter?”

Heeseung clicks his tongue and scoffs, “Don’t you see what’s happened or are you playing dumb right now, Jongseong? Fucking look at your screen.”

Jay, although confused, obliges anyway. He looks back at his laptop screen with the rematch menu on display. After a good few seconds, he spots the username of his opponent and immediately gasps, loud enough for his friend to hear. He then breaks into laughter, this time louder and more provoking as he hears the bantering on his ear.

“What—don’t tell me you had no idea—Jay!” the owner of the username heeba_inu_1015 yelled, followed by a frustrated shout.

“Whoops, should’ve gone easy on you, then.” Jay teases, shrugging his shoulders. “No, seriously. I had no idea. This is what school frustration makes me do.”

“Well, at least you’re not the student council’s vice president.”

Jay snorts in disbelief. “Come on, it’s not that hard–” he cuts himself off. “Oh, you’ve got a point, though.”

Jay didn’t necessarily live in the shadows; he just didn’t like being the center of attention. Being an eye candy is the last thing he wanted. Sure, he’s got what it takes to be popular–he’s a CEO's son, filthy rich, and on the honor roll. His friends say he’s got some sick visuals, too. Despite all these, he’d prefer to just blend in with the crowd and not stand out as a resident introvert (not to be confused with being a pick-me boy; Papa Park raised him with manners).

“Still, fuck you.” Heeseung lets out his third scoff of the day. A female voice rambles in the background, on the verge of screaming as the vice president grumbles in dismay. Jay assumes it was the school council’s president calling him out for slacking. “I gotta go, though. Godzilla’s on the run and she’s unstoppable–hey, wait!”

Beep. The call ends, and Jay's me time continues. A chuckle leaves his mouth. That was the president? She’s unhinged as hell.

“What’s the president like?” he mumbles, putting his headphones back on and getting ready to start a new game. “I’d like to meet her.”

*

“Lee Heeseung, I’m giving you ten seconds to explain to me why you’re on Tekken when you’re supposed to be on duty.”

If looks could kill, your vice president could’ve died a slow, painful death by now. You try your best to keep your calm composure in front of your right-hand man while trying to suppress your anger, but the urge to lash out on him is just getting stronger. Heeseung, feeling intimidated, could only look down on the ground as he hears a disappointed sigh from you.

Fortunately, the school council’s secretary, Yang Jungwon, has informed you of the vice president’s whereabouts. You made sure to leave your pending tasks untouched before storming out of the council office and to the stockroom, where he was apparently taking his sweet time being a heavy load.

“Look, I’ve just finished my last game, Y/N, alright?” Heeseung raises his hands in defeat.  “I’m done. I’ll go and help.”

“Oh, you are definitely gonna go help Jungwon in the council’s office because I’m out of here.” you snap, unplugging the Ethernet wire connected to his gaming laptop. “There are waivers waiting for you. Get your ass up.”

“Alright.” he mutters, head hung low as he switches off his laptop. “I’m sorry.”

Without another word, you turn your back on him and walk out of the suffocating stockroom. How does he even stand the heat in there? Your steps get quicker as much as the psychological warfare you were having with yourself is getting worse. People are probably looking at me right now and think, why the hell is her face so sour? They wouldn’t know. They’re not the overworked, unpaid, “popular” student council president with a freeloader of a vice president and a midfielder boyfriend who’s just as popular.

You’ve been zoned out for the entirety of your trip back to the council office, but the sight of a familiar shoe sticking from one of the corridor posts shakes you awake. Your eyebrows furrow, wondering what would someone with skate shoes be doing in that spot at this hour when it’s inter-school olympics season. You take another set of steps before seeing a man’s back view with the jersey number 5 on it, and the scene that unfolds in front of you shakes your whole world.

Your boyfriend and the school’s most famous figure skater, Park Sunghoon, were kissing.

*

It has been a week since you found out that Sim Jaeyun was cheating on you and is gay.

You remember being rooted in your spot as you saw them eating each other’s faces. Screaming at them would be a waste of time. You feared wasting time the most, and crying in front of someone came in second. Instead of doing what someone normally does in these situations–screaming and bawling their eyes out, you land a slap on each of their faces with a shit-eating grin on your face before running to the nearest comfort room to cry.

You wouldn’t mind your boyfriend coming out of the closet and ending your relationship in good terms, but the fact that he’d been flirting–and probably fucking–around with a guy behind your back infuriated you.

You didn’t know how it came to this—you crying your heart out inside the club office as Heeseung finally took over and finished the rest of your work due to you not being able to properly open your swollen eyes. Even moving around was a pain in the ass. Jungwon works from the sidelines as well, and both of them didn’t dare speak a word to you unless spoken to. They knew better than to mess with a girl who’s got cheated on.

“Cabining trip’s tomorrow. You still going, noona?” Jungwon asks, eyes glued to his laptop screen as he types the minutes of the meeting for the past week. “We need you over there, Pres.”

“Hmm.” you reply, not having the energy to speak out a proper word as you blew your nose on a paper towel. Of course I’ll be there. What am I, a ghoster?

As Jungwon bombards you with questions, your replies are short and reserved, along the lines of “yeah”, “uh-huh”, and the like. How were you supposed to show yourself without shame knowing that your ex wasn’t into you anymore?

“Heeseung.” you croak out, getting a short “huh” as a response. “I need your help with something.”

“What’s it about, miss ma'am?”

You cringe at the nickname, throwing the empty box of paper towels along his way. “If you use that nickname on me again, I swear.” you hiss.

“Damn, calm down, will you?” Heeseung chuckles, barely dodging the box that almost hit his face. “What is it?”

You saunter your way towards the table where the two lads worked. propping your hands on the desk, You then look over at Jungwon who has his whole attention on his laptop, not bothering to pop into the conversation or listen to whatever you were about to say.

“You’re best friends with the adviser, right?” you whisper to Heeseung, to which he nods. “And I’m not. Wow. What am I president for, then?

“Touche.” he shrugs. “What about him?”

“This could be fucked up but,” you lean in to whisper on his ear. “Can you beg him to sneak drinks for the adults?”

Your eyes screw shut in embarrassment, in disbelief of the words that just came out of your mouth. You’re better than this, Y/N. 

“Yes.” Heeseung lets out a dramatic gasp, nodding vigorously at your idea. “You had me at ‘drinks’, Y/N, come on. Spill!”

“Noona, you’re kidding, right? Why would you sneak drinks in–”

“Quiet, kid.” you cut Jungwon off. “I’ve got a breakup to get over. Let the adults have this.”

With that, Heeseung let out a dramatic gasp, nodding vigorously at your idea.

*

The day of the cabining trip has come, and it wasn’t the most enjoyable day for the student council so far. While the other kids were having the time of their lives, talking with their friends and not worrying about keeping the lines straight and the cabins quiet, you struggled to keep the students in order as you tapped the backs of those who made a commotion, or worse, those who made out in broad daylight.

To your relief, Heeseung was in charge of bag inspection, which meant drinks were allowed (unless one was not of legal age, of course). The students will just have to hide it from the other supervisors. Jungwon, along with the student council’s treasurer, Sunoo, were on room assignment duty, making sure to separate the guys and girls from each other. Getting pregnant on a school trip is the last thing anyone would want.

Meanwhile, Jay stands quietly as the line advances. He wasn’t really supposed to be going on this trip if it weren’t for his father insisting him to do so. Luckily, with Heeseung’s permission, he was allowed to bring his gaming laptop without you knowing. The vice president just hopes he wouldn’t get pulled by the ear again.

“God, I hope I get the top bunk.” Jay mutters, putting his bag on the desk for inspection.

“Gotta go fast, then.” Heeseung replied, probing the contents of his friend’s bag. He taps Jay’s shoulders after he’s done. “Man, I hope we’re roommates.”

“Heeseung, how's the inspection going?” you bellow over the crowd of students, craning your head to look for him.

As you and Heeseung scream at each other over the loud sounds in the cabins, Jay couldn’t help but steal glances at you. He did pass by you sometimes, but he hasn't really gotten the chance to step up and talk to you. What a waste. After news has spread that you got cheated on, he could imagine himself tackling you into a hug and giving you small forehead kisses in hopes to ease your pain. He had set his eyes on you ever since you were appointed as president, and he found you so pretty ever since. He just secretly hoped that Jake wouldn’t go begging for you to come back, or else he’d lose his mind.

His daydreaming stops when he bumped shoulders with someone whom he least expected–you. The two of you momentarily met each other’s eyes, and Jay swore he’d melt then and there if it weren’t for you turning away almost immediately. On the other hand, you wonder why he’s been stuck on his spot for a good minute, so you approach him cautiously.

“Uh, are you lost, perhaps?” you wave a hand in front of Jay’s face. “You seem to be spacing out, Jay.”

She knows me. Oh, my God, she just acknowledged me. His heart somersaults in his chest at the mention of his name. It rolled off of your mouth perfectly. 

It takes him five seconds to answer, “I’m good, thank you.”

You smile briefly at him, and he flashes one back. He walks silently, trying to suppress a shout from coming out of his mouth. You were always pretty to him, and that smile was the cherry on top. 

The first day of the retreat wasn’t really hectic, except for the fact that all of the students have to run ten laps all around the yard before they can even have a taste of breakfast. Despite the supervisors lurking around the whole site, you’ve taken brave sips on your bottle of soju, disguised as drinking water. You couldn’t help but see Jake and his new lover every time you had to lead a segment and meet face to face with everyone, and your chest would always clench. How the fuck is he so happy without me? If it weren’t for the other officers beside you, you would’ve wrestled Sunghoon without a doubt.

The second and third days would probably be the most boring of them all, but not for Jay.

His laptop keeps him company as he silently jerks off to porn videos, trying his best to stifle a groan to not wake up whoever was occupying the top bunk. He would’ve brought a fleshlight, too, but he figured it’d be too much for a school retreat. So he resorts to another option–a sock. 

He finishes without suspicion, and gets knocked out to sleep right after.

On the other side of the site, you sit awake in your bunk, finishing the last of the soju you’ve successfully hidden for days. You sigh, not feeling any signs of drowsiness as you stare in spaces. I should've seen this coming. You wanted to slap yourself for being so clueless. Hasn’t it come to you that Jake might be using soccer training as an excuse to meet up with Sunghoon instead of you?

“Y/N, you dumb bitch.” you spit out, grabbing your phone to dial Heeseung’s number.

After a few rings, he picks up. “What the fuck, Y/N, it’s 3 in the morning.” the lad grumbled as he tossed and turned in his bed. “You better give me a good reason for calling at this hour.”

“You got a laptop with you?” you ask. What a stupid question. “It's urgent business.”

“No, I don't, dummy.” he snaps, and his sudden change of tone takes you aback. “I thought you knew we can only bring phones.”

You sigh. Out of all times your council adviser demanded an accomplishment report from you, why now? At that moment, you even wished to switch bodies with Heeseung; he was the adviser’s best friend and not you. Despite you telling your superior that you haven’t brought your laptop, he didn't budge, even bringing up the drink-sneaking incident.

To say you were doomed would be an understatement.

“Why does your best friend put me in situations like this?” you whine, pulling your hair in frustration. “He knows I don't have my laptop at the moment! Tell me, does he have something against me? ‘Cause he better settle things with me. Damn it. Do you get me? Sometimes I just want to walk out on all of you because I’ve got the whole council on my back! i’m a human who has limits, too, for fuck’s sake! When do I quit? I can quit anytime and turn my back on this responsibility. You take over once this term ends–”

“Shut up. I'm at your door.”

You hitch a breath, hang up and climb out of your bunk. You silently open the door to see your vice president holding an open laptop in his hand, phone on the other. The lad passes the device on to you, praying that his friend doesn’t notice his laptop out of place when he wakes up.

“Hey, that ain’t mine, though. Be careful with that.” he says, and you scowl in suspicion.

“Thanks,” you smile slightly. “Though I thought I told you not to bring gadgets in the cabin–”

“Don’t ask, just…” he waves his hands frantically, avoiding the question. “I’ll get going.”

“Okay…?” your voice trails off, and you shoo Heeseung away. “You’re a lifesaver, by the way.”

Heeseung nods, jogging his way out as you close your cabin door. You didn’t bother to wonder whose laptop this was; the only thing in your mind was the report you had to finish.

In silence, you immediately get to work. With sips of water from time to time, you struggle to keep yourself awake as you type the needed information, word by word, making sure that it would be slap-worthy on your adviser’s face.

After two hours of staring and typing, you feel your eyes giving out and fingers straining as you move the document file to your flash drive, finally finishing your work.

“This motherfucker better not scold me tomorrow.” you mutter through clenched jaws, carefully ejecting the drive from God-knows-whose laptop. 

With slow hands, you close all of the windows you have used, even the tabs, making it look untouched as this was neither your laptop, nor Heeseung's. Whose is this, then? There wasn't a wallpaper in it, just the default one, and that made guessing a waste of time. Nonetheless, you make a mental note to thank the owner first thing in the morning for saving your desperate ass in such a critical situation. 

Before you can shut down the device, a particular folder on the desktop screen catches your attention, especially its name,

“Things I want to do to Y/N”

You squint in surprise, mouse cursor hovering over the folder. As much as you wanted to pry it open, you wanted to respect the privacy of the owner of the laptop, whoever they were. But this has my name on it. You shake your head, preparing for the worst to happen as you double-click on the folder. What you see next shocks you utterly, making your heartbeat rise as you check the name of the owner.

The laptop belongs to a Park Jongseong, with the folder containing porn videos.

In astonishment, you close the laptop with a loud thud, not bothering to shut it down properly or close the porn folder before you do. A series of knocks makes you jump and hit your head on the top bunk.

“Go to sleep, Y/N!” your bunkmate from the top grumbles.

What the fuck is going on? You sigh, wrapping yourself in a cocoon with your blanket.

*

It's the last day of the retreat, which means free time for all the students until the morning comes with no schedules to stick to. However, you were far from relaxed as last night’s events haven't left your mind until now. You didn’t know what to feel knowing that the quiet kid has been fantasizing about you, and in secret. Do you get mad, grossed out or flattered? Neither of them felt right and it messed up with your head so much. Worrying about it would be a waste of time.

Heeseung couldn’t help but notice you staring at Jay, who played basketball by himself from afar. You spaced out often, too, and it was so not like you to do so. Apparently, your efforts on acting normal outside while being a chaotic mess inside fail as you finally draw out a frustrated groan.

“Something wrong?” Heeseung asks. “You're zoned out pretty bad.”

“That report sucked the life out of me.” you reply monotonously, standing up from your seat, eyes not leaving Jay. “I'll meet you at the bonfire. I just need sleep.”

“Fine. I'll take over for you.”

You nod, trudging to your cabin in hopes to get some rest. However, once your body dips down the mattress, images of Jay hovering over you appear as you close your eyes. Shaking it off, you push a pillow against your face, muffling out a scream of annoyance.

On the other hand, Jay has been stealing glances from you as well, completely unaware of you seeing the deepest, darkest secrets he's kept hidden in his laptop.

After what felt like days of slumber, you were awakened by the noise of students outside of the cabins. hollers and shouts fill your ears as you get yourself out of bed. As much as you hated being woken up in such a manner, you were happy to be able to get a wink of sleep.

“Evening, Y/N.”

You look up from the ground, seeing the person whom you unfortunately wanted to avoid the most. Jay wore a small smile on his face, which was seen clearer without his glasses. Contrary to his usual hoodie-slacks combo, he wore a shirt that snugly fit him, in which you can definitely see the slight curvature of his chest. His toned arms were on full display, too, and you couldn’t help but wonder how they’d flex under your touch. His thighs looked just as attractive, given the fact that he wore cargo shorts.

“Good… evening, Jay.” you chuckle awkwardly. “What's the matter? Can I help you?” Why does he look so different? He even wore his hair differently.

“Nothing much.” he replies sheepishly. “Just, uh, wanted to have a casual talk with the president.” God, that bedhead. Why does it make her more fuckable? He steals glances at the skimpy top that hugged your body, accentuating your curves and your plump breasts.

“Really?” you grin in amusement, not expecting his statement. Just say you wanna fuck and go. “That's strange. No one comes up to me unless it’s about school.”

“That'd be an honor.” he comments, gaze not shifting away from you.“Would having small talk with me waste your time?”

You hesitantly shake your head, and he smiles. Fuck, that smile. Where is this going to get me now?

The two of you proceed to have a conversation outside the cabin, at the same time, thinking of lewd thoughts that were probably too inappropriate, given the setting. From time to time, your hands would brush each other’s, increasing the tension between the two of you.

Despite this, Jay would get distracted, finding your giggles so adorable, especially knowing that he was the reason behind them. You admired how Jay speaks, and how cautious he was when you ranted about your ex. He just hoped no one would call you out and separate the both of you.

Or so he thought.

The whistle trills fills your ears as rain falls angrily on your skin. Whines and grumbles were heard as the bonfire session was declared canceled by Sunoo and Jungwon. Students start sprinting back to their cabins as the rain pours, including the supervisors. No more confession time and roasted marshmallows, I guess.

You look over to see your cabin that was several meters from where you and Jay stood, attempting to make a run for it. However, Jay gets a hold of your wrist before you can take your first step.

“Stay.” his voice is deep and alluring, and you could feel your body slightly shiver.

“You sure?” you raise your brows anyway, not bothering to pull away from his grip. “What if someone sees us drenched in here? Are you willing to vouch for me?”

“You're the president. I'm sure no one would budge.”

You don't protest. Instead, you take the opportunity to ask him about the folder in his laptop, which, by the way, he still assumes was untouched. He, meanwhile, couldn’t take his eyes off of the top that clung to your skin, against your stomach. You pretty much were doing the same as you eyed his abs through his shirt.

After what felt like ten minutes of standing under the rain, both of you were drenched as you walked into an empty cabin for protection that no one used due to faulty electricity. You sit side by side in a single bed, neither of you having the guts to start another conversation.

Maybe it was time for you to spill your secrets.

“I like you.”

“Fuck me.”

The two of you look at each other after speaking at the same time. Your remark especially shocks Jay, so does the way you weren’t fazed with his confession just now. A hand instinctively goes up to cup your mouth. Shit, was I not subtle enough? You fake a hearty chuckle (which was actually a nervous one) as you see his perplexed expression.

“You don’t wanna fuck me?” you mutter, confidence leaving your system as his expression remains unchanged.

“No–I mean, yes.” he immediately replies, afraid that you might take it as him rejecting you. “Of course, I do.”

“Do it, then.”

You tower over his sitting figure, propping your hands on his chest. Jay couldn’t help but close his eyes, asking himself whether this was a dream or not. Your touch trails up to his neck, your fingertips tracing his collarbones. You catch his lips into a sloppy kiss, which he returns fervently as he slips his tongue on your mouth. The cold sensation brought by the raindrops on your skin is now gone as he pulls you into his lap and wraps your legs around his waist. For a minute, he savors your lips as his hands find their way to the hem of your top, feeling a little hesitant.

He pulls off, staring into your eyes as he searches for a sign of fear in your face. “Should I?”

Without a word, you nod, guiding his hands into taking off your top. His eyes roam along your torso, your breasts wanting to be freed from their restraints as they were practically coming out of your tight bra. His cock twitches and slightly hardens at the sight.

“Jay…” you whine, digging your ass against his hardness. A groan leaves his mouth. “I want you to take over.”

With that, he flips the two of you over, with you beneath him. He then pins your hands above your head, asserting his dominance. You hitch a breath as you feel his clothed cock rub against your crotch, still not believing his change in character.

“Is this really the quiet kid I knew?” you tease, making Jay yank your bottoms down, leaving you in your bra. He then lands a stinging spank on your ass cheek, squeezing the soft flesh after.

“Shush, Y/N, unless you want me to leave you hanging.”

Damn, even his voice can make me cum at this point. you feel him spreading your legs slowly, dipping a finger on your damp pussy as he kisses your inner thighs. You reach for his hair and stroke it gently as his lips get closer to where you needed him the most, your other hand squeezing your breast.

he licked a warm strip along your clit, eliciting a whimper from you. He held you by the knees to keep you from pressing your thighs together as he ate you out. his moans against your sex provided vibrations that made your toes curl, and moans louder.

“So miss president loves being eaten out, huh?” Jay chuckles, his ego growing as you reply to him with a broken mewl, pushing two of his fingers inside you. “Such a needy slut.”

He proceeds with his ministrations as he leaves marks on your thigh, torso, then up to your breasts, avoiding your neck to not cause suspicion. The way your walls tightened around his fingers made his cock harden even more. even until now, you couldn’t believe the situation you were in–being fucked by the resident introvert who was secretly a freak in bed.

Your grip on his hair tightens as you feel your high nearing. “Jay, I'm cumming!” you cry out desperately.

Hearing that, Jay pulls his fingers out of you, and licks them with a smirk on his lips. “You taste so sweet… however, I can’t just have you cumming somewhere that’s not on my cock, can I?”

He takes off his drenched top, and the rest of his clothes follow, freeing his erect cock from its confines. He drags his tip against your clit, teasing your entrance and holding your hips tight to stop you from pushing him in.

“Jay, please…” you beg, voice laced with frustration. “I want to make you feel good.”

“Is that so?” Jay snickers, slapping your thigh. “Little miss slutty president wants to suck me off?”

“Mm-mm.” you nod, eyeing his cock and the pre-cum that leaked from his tip. “fuck my mouth, just like how you want it.”

Just like how I want it? he stops in his tracks as he sees you grinning from beneath him. It was finally time for you to confess.

“Sir,” you whined, the pet name causing Jay to let out an audible groan. “I gotta tell you something.”

You sit up and bend over in front of him, his cock on your face and your ass up. He lets out a small gasp as your tongue teases his tip. The way you made eye contact with him didn’t help him, either. He bunches your hair up in a ponytail, wrapping it all around his knuckles as you sucked him like a popsicle.

“Tell me, baby,” he sighs, looking down at you in amusement.

“I needed a laptop for my report.” you lick him from base to tip. “And Heeseung, the vice president, borrowed yours for me.”

The way your tongue moves all over him sends shivers all over his body, and he makes the impulsive decision to rub his cock all over your face. “Baby saw my porn stash, didn’t she?” he chuckles, pushing himself deeper in your throat. You try to stop yourself from gagging as he fucks your mouth. “Fuck, yes. Those were all meant for you. All the things I wanna do to that body.”

You moan against his cock, reaching for your clit to rub yourself. you expected a different reaction from him, but by the looks of it, the Jay you passed by along the corridors was now gone. In front of you is a different person, and you actually loved it. You loved this new side of him.

“This is one of them.” Jay adds. “Fucking your mouth.”

You feel your head being guided by his hands as he nears his orgasm, thrusting faster inside your mouth. you whimper as his tip hits your throat, waiting for his warm release to fill your mouth.

However, he pulls out again, much to your dismay. He gets out of the bed and walks to the other side where he can take you from behind. Coincidentally, there stood a mirror in front of you, and you could clearly see his naked body as you were on your hands and knees. Fuck, I bet he works out a lot. He spanks your ass cheeks again, making you yelp.

“God, you’re so fucking hot, miss president.” Jay says under his breath, lining his tip on your cunt and getting ready to push himself inside of you. “I don’t have a condom with me, though.”

“I'm on the pill.” you reply. You realized you haven’t gotten rid of your habit of taking birth control pills even though you didn’t have sex as much anymore, especially now that you’re not with Jake anymore. “I have a favor to ask you.”

“Which is?”

You heave a deep sigh before speaking.  I'll have to do this once and for all. “Help me forget about Jake.”

Without a word, he pushes himself slowly inside you. A gasp leaves your mouth at how big and girthy he was as he stretched your walls. It took you a while to adjust to his size, but after he has sunken his whole length in you, he starts moving.

I'll help you forget about Jake, sweetheart. “My love… tell me.” he drags a fingertip along your spine, rocking his hips at a steady pace. “Who's making you feel good right now?”

“You, Jay.” you reply, almost sounding like a scream as you do. “Your cock feels so good inside me.”

“Fuck, yeah, I am.” jay snickers, pulling you by the hair and making you look at your fucked-out reflection in the mirror. “Look at you. Such a cock-hungry bitch.”

God, you hated being degraded, but why did Jay's words turn you on?

Jay's pace gradually goes faster as he feels you tightening around him, his muscles flexing as his skin slaps against yours.

“That fucking soccer boy can never fuck you as good as I do, right?”

“Ah, yes!” you whimper as his finger reaches your clit.

He groans. “Repeat after me, darling. Cheaters.”

“Cheaters–ah!” you squeal as Jay spanks your ass again.

“Ain’t.” Jay seethed.

“Ain't…” you draw out a whine as he holds you by the waist.

“Shit.” he pulls you to sit up, slapping your breasts.

“Shit! Oh, that feels good.” you bury your head in the bed.

“See? That fucker doesn’t deserve you.” he whispered against your neck, leaving a dark mark by sucking on it. “He can go get some dick by himself ‘cause from now on, you’re mine.”

As his hands make their way back to your breasts, you feel like putty under Jay's touch. You couldn’t help but agree to his every word as if he’s put you in a state of hypnosis. Your words are incomprehensible as he snaps his hips harshly against yours, the feeling of his cock inside you clouding your vision and thoughts.

“I said you’re mine, little slut.”

“I'm yours.” you breathe out.

Once he has been given the go signal, he slows down for a bit and turns your head so you can see each other’s gazes. “If you'd let me take care of you, I'd do it wholeheartedly.” he said, kissing your knuckles lovingly. “I don't care how slow you want the process to be, Y/N. Just give me a chance.”

You don’t say a word. Instead, you lock his lips in a loving kiss. He holds onto your waist for dear life as your hips move in sync, the heated moment turning into a passionate, affectionate one.

“You close?” Jay mumbles against your lips, and you nod.

You stay still in that position as Jay picks up his pace, letting you feel his warmth as he brings you to your high.

Your climax crashes like waves, and it seems like momentarily taking the life out of you. Jay follows suit, his seed spilling inside of you.

After a good minute, he pulls out of you, lays you down on the mattress and hovers above you. you cup his cheeks and give him a peck on the forehead, the introvert in him slowly coming back as he blushes at your action.

“Let me clean you up.” Jay says with a slight pout, the dominant in him finally out of the picture as he spoke.

“Can we do that later?” you reply, planting a kiss on his nose. “Let me hold you for a while.”

He doesn’t oblige. Rather, he picks up his drenched shorts from the floor, pulling a small handkerchief from its pocket. As he proceeds cleaning you up, you stare at him fondly. Were you in love? Not yet. Would you give him a shot? Definitely. The way he just switched up on you would need some processing time, though. It was one heck of a moment.

The night ends with Jay sending you off to your cabin, kissing you good night as he promises to meet you in school after the weekend.

*

You slowly stroll along the corridors of the art department building, looking for Jay's room as you go. You have been walking for thirty minutes straight, but without an ounce of exhaustion in your body although it was a Thursday–a work day for the student council president. To say that you were excited to meet him would be an understatement.

It’s been a week since the last day of the cabin trip and your first sexual encounter with someone who wasn’t Jake. You’ve been feeling a lot better, and it made Heeseung and Jungwon wonder how you’ve done it so fast. Jay’s been sending you food over the weekend and it stunned you how well he cooks. He’s been dropping over to the student council adviser’s office from time to time, too, just to watch you work.

You feel your feet starting to hurt, but you keep on walking anyway. I need to see my Jay after a long dayyyyy.

“There she is!” a voice starts shouting, causing you to stop on your tracks. “The prim and proper student council president.”

You squint your eyes at the person who turned out to be Sim Jayoon, Jake's cousin. She eyes you with a scowl as if scrutinizing you, and retches as if she was grossed out. You knew exactly what she came at you for–to act as a proxy for her wimpy cousin who hasn’t shown his face in the soccer team ever since. She has the reputation of being the worst pick-me in all of tenth grade, and that makes this encounter worse.

“You rang, Yoon?” you reply, faking a cheerful tone as you try your best not to pounce at the poor girl. “Do you need help with something?”

“Weren’t you crying over Jake oppa just last week?” Yoon spits out, towering over you to assert dominance. “Now you’re fucking with another guy? Seriously, sunbaenim, how much of a slut can you be?”

Does she expect me to cry and beg her to keep my dirty little secret? You snort. “Babe, your Jake oppa two-timed me with Park Sunghoon while I was on duty. That makes your cousin the slut here, doesn’t it?”

“And I did what I could do best–moving on.” you add, pissing Yoon off even more. Her face reddens in anger, and you taunt her, patting her head.  “Aww, look at you. Aren’t you such a good guard dog for not admitting that your cousin made mistakes?” 

“Shut up!” she yells defensively, stepping away from you. “You’re the president and you’re supposed to be the role model, right? You should step down if you tolerate double-dipping! bitch!”

With that, Yoon raises a hand to land a slap on your face, and you grimace, expecting the sting to land on your cheek. However, three seconds in and nothing hits you.

Turns out, a hand blocked Yoon’s arm and stopped her from slapping you. You look over your shoulder to see Jay with his usual meh expression plastered on his face. He raises his brows at Yoon, evidently annoyed by her words.

“At least she’s getting better sex than your cousin does.” he quips, throwing Yoon’s wrist to the ground.

You gasp at Jay’s choice of words. “Jay! Language!”

“What? It's the truth.” he replies, holding up a cube in his hand which happened to be a mini-recorder. “You want me to call your parents or something?”

In defeat, Yoon screams, stomping her way out of the corridors. You hear a deep chuckle from Jay behind you, and you instinctively land a slap on his chest. “You didn’t just say that in front of a fifteen-year old kid.”

“What was I supposed to do? She’s just called you slut and a bitch.” Jay shrugged, and you could only shake your head at him. He leans closer to your ear and whispers, “You’re my bitch, though.”

You roll your eyes, unable to protest  “Jay, as much as I appreciate the degradation–”

“Meet  me after your last period. I promise I won’t ditch you.” he grins, giving your lips a brief peck. “I’m off to the e-sports club office and nope, Heeseung hyung won’t be playing with me this time.”

“Thanks for the assurance..?” you say hesitantly, followed by a chuckle. He’s back at it again with the random updates. “Show them what you got, gamer boy.”

He pecks your lips again, and starts walking away with his back facing you. You could only look at him in awe as he leisurely walked the corridor with his headphones on and probably a One Ok Rock song blasting from them. He was your definition of comfort, and the only one who could convince you that wasting time wasn’t a bad thing after all.

“Love ya!” he bellows suddenly, making you yelp. Now’s not the time to say it back yet. You blow him a kiss and he makes a run for the stairs. Of course, you loved him, too.

And the other sides of him, of course.

a/n: this fic is especially dedicated to my girlies nics (@ddeonuism) and aria (@jaylaxies) bc apparently they love this fic so much so OFC i had to retrieve it and free it from the dungeon! this is for all my jay hoes 🥳 one of the fics that got me started in enhablr AND my first ever jay fic. i tweaked this a lil bit just to make jay hotter and sweeter bc ik that's what y'all want right 🙄 /lh enjoy lovelies!

NSFW TAGLIST [OPEN]: @thots4hee @jaylaxies @ddeonuism @jojayke @vernonluvs-archived @puphee @hee-pster @forjongseong @jaeyunsz @muffinminnie @shu-ramyeonz @poutyjaeyun @fairy-junseong @duolingofanaccount @jkefelx @taetaemylovie @heetro @yizhoutv @lavhikaru @kaislinging-slasher01 @cha0thicpisces @en-archv @simplewonderland @exactlygreatcoffee @lhseth @aerinaga @xwonniex @jyshdoll @iiousim (send an ask or a dm to be added!)

© criceofpain on tumblr, 2020

[miaisocool]

Lonely star

Pairing: Rockstar!ellie x Reader

warnings: 2 year age gap reader is 19 ellie is 21 cursing, explicit language,Modern AU mentions of alcohol and cigarettes i guess? not much warnings yet :) not proof read btw! underage drinking

a note: i was brainstorming this while playing guitar.. please like and reblog anything is highly appreciated i will give you a big fat smooch ;)

summary: Ellie williams was a rockstar sensation, she was on her rise to fame when she was finally doing a North America tour you immediately bought tickets for their tour....

You and your friend kiara who you knew ever since you were a freshman in highschool were standing outside the venue, eagerly awaiting the moment the doors would open so you could see Ellie Williams perform live. The anticipation was almost too much to bear, as the two of you had been dreaming about this day for what felt like forever.

You and kiara would ramble on about how much you guys enjoyed ellies music and the way her band performed on those live concerts on youtube kiara was your best friend ever since you bumped into her in your freshman year of highschool she was the first to see tears run from your eyes, the first person to ever see tears run from your dirt colored eyes as you went through your first break up with your first ever girlfriend you were so used to dating guys all through out middle school and high school until you started to figure out your sexuality and turned out to only feel sexually and romantically attracted to girls you didn't really enjoy having a label for your attraction as you felt it was useless but you decided it was easier if you do kiara was the first to ever know about it too that night in her dorm when you ran crying into her arms shaking with fear in your veins and muttering the words "i dont know" over and over as you cried.

She knew you well enough to know when something was deeply wrong, even more so on that night. She tried to comfort you, asking about what was wrong, but you were too distraught to even speak your tears that flowed to your cheeks ruining your mascara, staining her white shirt that she had usually wore as pajamas was leaving her to just hold you as you cried quietly.

She had never seen you so upset and vulnerable, and it made her concerned for you and your wellbeing but she knew it was better to wait and then talk. The first to see that vulnerable side of you, the first person you would come to whenever something went wrong and it truly showed how deeply your connection strengthened over the years you were now a 19 year old sophomore in college that had been with kiara every step of the way, kiara was your platonic soulmate and that's why you chose her to attend this concert with you, you were both in awe of how talented ellie was as you guys did research on her as if she was a lab rat, watching her rise to fame you guys bonded over the aura that the band gave as they would usually perform covers of songs or either perform songs they wrote themselves.

In the weeks leading up to the concert, you and Kiara couldn't stop talking about Ellie Williams it was like that everyday for a few months ever since you bought the tickets. You both knew every song on every album and even had nicknames for all the band members.

You spent countless hours listening to her music and learning about her history, from her early days in a small band to her debut as a solo artist. You couldn't wait to see her live, to experience her music in person, to feel the energy of the crowd as you sang along. You eyed out the line from what seemed like people ranging from high school teenagers to people in their 20s with some of their parents you couldn't help but smile at the thought of all the different age groups sharing love for ellies music and her band.

You and kiara you felt the breeze of the california air the people chattering and muttering in excited tones made your impatience die down for a bit as you swung your arms in boredom its only been 2 hours ever since you arrived in line kiara told you not to come so early but you wanted the closest view of ellie possible you didn't know the reasoning but you knew the closer the view the better but kiara mocked you for this as she said you just wanted to see ellie up close and personal although it was a half truth you didn't only admire the lead singer/guitarist for her looks you admired her for her creativity voice and the way her mind ranged so far when writing songs or performing its almost as if you were having parasocial relationship thoughts about her but you knew that wasn't it.

You just deeply admired ellie because you looked up to her she was doing all the things you've ever wanted to as a adult. mostly ranging from what looked like high school teenagers to people in their 20s with some of their parents you couldn't help but smile at the thought of all the different age groups sharing love for ellies music and her band shaking in anticipation as your body sent adrenaline running through your veins and you weren't even in the venue yet.

You felt your heart almost beating out of your chest as you catched your breath to talk to kiara you checked ellies instagram story over and over for any updates that would give you a clue on when the venue would finally open or when the performance would start but it was nothing she hadn't posted anything which you were so you finally untangle that knot in your throat to speak to kiara.

"why the fuck did we get here so early?" you mumbled under your breath to kiara

"we wouldn't be here so early if we went to that diner around the corner before getting here" kiara muttered leaning back against you as she looked off into the distance watching the line not move at all and people wait in anticipation

"it would be way better if we went to a diner or a bar after" you muttered a small groan leaving your lips as you grazed your fingers against your shirt tracing circles over your stomach

"cmonnn.. you're just hangry! plus you wanna see ellie real bad dont you?" kiara said playfully while laughing at your impatience

"shut up.." you deeply exhale as the tension that was once in your face goes away

At long last the doors swung open your heart beat sped up as you heard the sound of the doors slamming against the concrete wall of the venue echoing throughout the stage and outside of the venue, the excited murmurings, whispers, and exclamations rising to the noise level of a storm.

You felt like you were in the eye of the storm, or the wave in the ocean as everyone surged forth in a single mass. As your pace increased, trying to make it to the front of the line, you were met with a few more aggressive nudges and shoves than you expected. Your grip on Kiara's hand tightened, as if instinctually drawing comfort from her presence.

You moved forward through the chaos of the crowd, as you and kiara were both eager to enter the venue to see the legendary infamous Ellie williams but also tired of trying to push forward. You nearly lost your balance more than once in the chaos as you almost slipped running through the crowd, but eventually your feet found a solid stance and your eyes found the entrance of the venue as you finally take a break from all the chaos happening not too long ago you see the concrete floor and hard surface of the wall.

Many people making their way through calmly as security warned them not to run, the use of the spotlights for the concert beaming over their heads pointing out how dilated their pupils were from the rush of adrenaline as you and kiara made way you saw the front railing come into the sight of your eyes as your heart thumped with excitement knowing you finally had a chance to see Ellie Williams the rockstar you dreamt of seeing for months all the delusions of seeing her had finally became true.

The stage was bathed in a dim warm red light complimenting the bands red themed equipment from the red keyboard, drums, bass guitar and the other guitar that was still on a stand which you assumed had to be ellies. A hush fell over the crowd. The bassist, drummer, and keyboardist had completed their setup and were now ready to begin.

The spotlight focused on the stage, highlighting each of the band members in the dim light bringing out all their features the drummer adjusting his ear piece as he waited for ellie the rest of the band checked their instruments, tweaked some buttons, plugged in cables, and tested each microphone to make sure everything was working correctly.

In turn as they nodded to each other and prepared themselves. Slowly the chatter grew still the red lights still dimming around the venue around the crowd and each member of the band except ellie.

Each person in the room waiting with bated breath tension slowly making the walls close in as everyone waited for ellie. You looked at kiara with a confused look as if she knew when the show would start, you almost strain your neck trying to see the stage better and see any clue or signal of ellie as you were only there for her well so was everybody she was the heart throb of the band.

 People began to talk to the people they came with at the concert as if it was the only sense of entertainment, exchanging glances, asking if the show would be starting soon.

Some people sighed in disappointment and began to move away from the stage, their patience running out. Some members of the crowd grumbled to their friends, voicing their displeasure at the delay. The anticipation and the excitement were quickly fading now, with a more negative mood settling in.

The drummer started hitting his closed hi hat in sixteenth notes then the crowd started to erupt in excitement and push against each other to start a mosh pit the bass guitar starts to ring with a what you assumed to be a rock pedal muffling through the speakers amp.

Finally ellie ran to the front of the stage she stood at the edge of the stage, the light shining down on her, and wrapped her guitar strap around her. she takes a moment to bask in the aura of the crowd and her lips curve into a smile with a powerful strum of the guitar, she launched into a song, the sound ringing through the air, people cheering the sounds of the people roaring off of the walls of the venue, the red lights flashing as each instrument starts to sync up

"… The mirror's image, it tells me it's home time"

The last two songs

As the adrenaline that was coursing through out your veins dies down the songs that were playing not too long ago, you finally come to your senses, the venue buzzing with energy the excited chattering and cheering filling the hollow noise noticing the lights from the stage cast a soft glow over the venue fog slowly fading into the air through out the venue that was medium sized at least enough to hold five hundred people, illuminating the faces of the audience, speakers slowly making a faint signal noise as the band stops playing with their instruments The faint scent of sweat, mingling with the warm bodies of the crowd. The energy in the room was palpable, as fans of Ellie Williams cheered and screamed at the sight of her on stage. The hum of the amps and the sound of the bass guitar echoed through the speakers, permeating everything. As ellie began to talk again

"This is our last song of the night..."

she muttered breathlessly as she adjusted the guitar strap around her shoulder fitting it to

"i just wanted to thank everyone for coming and buying tickets or taking the time to listen to our music." She speaks into the mic as she wiped the sweat off of her forehead with a towel before throwing it into the crowd, and the audience erupted into a mosh-pit as they pushed and lunged at each other trying to grab the towel. The sweaty fabric fluttered down as fans jumped up and down, pushing and shoving each other in a bid to grab the towel.

One tall guy in the crowd managed to grab the towel, raising it in the air before spinning around with a victory scream, his hands waving the towel above his head like a trophy as he shoved people to avoid them to get the towel as ellie sees this her concerned look turns into her lips curving into a smile and then chuckling into the microphone as the white spotlight hits her blurring everyone else in the band . She adjusted her grip on her guitar, holding it like an extension of her own body, as she began to strum the chords that would support her powerful voice.

"When the zeros line up on the 24 hour clock"

The chord of the guitar complimented her vocals in the perfect harmony as you watched in awe and jealousy of how talented she was her live vocals lifted you up as if it felt like you were floating which put you in a trance forgetting the crowd of people that surrounded you transporting you to a world of ellies talent and beauty as you take in all of her features you were so mesmerized by her dirt colored hair, eyes greener than the grass in los angeles, slightly upturned nose and her hair sticking to her forehead as she was a bit sweaty from the jumping and adrenaline filled night you were in awe.

"When you know who's callin' even though the number is blocked"

With each note she sang, you could feel her passion and emotion pour out of her as her feedback from her microphone bounced off of the walls of the venue the crowd jumped with ecstasy and yelled cheering her on every chord she strummed or every time she would play a guitar solo which whenever she did it sounded like the guitar was crying showing truly how talented she was you felt her vocals powerfully blast to your ears almost as if you were right there in her shoes, experiencing the same emotions.

Her eyes were bright and sparkling as the spotlight complimented her dilated pupils, her smile full of joy as she sang within the instruments notes as she strummed the chords. Her voice echoed through the stadium, filling the air with a sense of longing and hope, as if she was talking directly to you. It was an unforgettable moment, you and kiara couldn't believe but tonight your eyes were only focused on ellie no one else just her.

After the concert, you and your friend Kiara make your way out of the venue your hair was messy from the jumping and mosh pitting as you still had a high from the adrenaline rush from ellie's performance. You can hear the buzz of energy and excitement from the venue as people made their way to the exit As you and kiara make your way down the street walking to god knows where you take in kiaras features noticing her hair is a mess, her dress sleeve sliding down to the point where you can see her bare shoulder and the faded mascara on her face.

Despite her fucked up appearance, she looks absolutely radiant as always. You can't help but let out a small chuckle under your breath as you see how emotional she is over the experience. "You're a mess," you say, grinning.

kiara breathlessly takes a breath, looking up at you with a twinkle in her eyes. "I know.." she says, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "But it was so worth it seeing ellie and just hearing her live is like a dream come true." she says as you guys walk down the street

You nod in agreement brushing your messy curly hair out the way fixing your half messed up dress sleeves a bit rearranging yourself, still processing the experience yourself. "I know, right?" you say. "I can't believe how talented she is. And her live vocals… they just.. i don't know she just serenades me.."

"Not gonna lie i kind of saw her peeping you"

"please don't feed into my delusions especially not now.."

kiara nudges you as you both walked down the street the street lights beaming onto you both casting a glow that complimented the aura you and kiara held whenever you both were together

You and your friend kiara who you knew ever since you were a freshman in highschool were standing outside the venue, eagerly awaiting the moment the doors would open so you could see Ellie Williams perform live. The anticipation was almost too much to bear, as the two of you had been dreaming about this day for what felt like forever.

You and kiara would ramble on about how much you guys enjoyed ellies music and the way her band performed on those live concerts on youtube kiara was your best friend ever since you bumped into her in your freshman year of highschool she was the first to see tears run from your eyes, the first person to ever see tears run from your dirt colored eyes as you went through your first break up with your first ever girlfriend you were so used to dating guys all through out middle school and high school until you started to figure out your sexuality and turned out to only feel sexually and romantically attracted to girls you didn't really enjoy having a label for your attraction as you felt it was useless but you decided it was easier if you do kiara was the first to ever know about it too that night in her dorm when you ran crying into her arms shaking with fear in your veins and muttering the words "i dont know" over and over as you cried.

She knew you well enough to know when something was deeply wrong, even more so on that night. She tried to comfort you, asking about what was wrong, but you were too distraught to even speak your tears that flowed to your cheeks ruining your mascara staining her white shirt that she had usually wore as pajamas was leaving her to just hold you as you cried quietly.

She had never seen you so upset and vulnerable, and it made her concerned for you and your wellbeing but she knew it was better to wait and then talk. The first to see that vulnerable side of you, the first person you would come to whenever something went wrong and it truly showed how deeply your connection strengthened over the years you were now a 19 year old sophomore in college that had been with kiara every step of the way kiara was your platonic soulmate and thats why you chose her to attend this concert with you, you were both in awe of how talented ellie was as you guys did research on her as if she was a lab rat, watching her rise to fame you guys bonded over the aura that the band gave as they would usually perform covers of songs or either perform songs they wrote themselves.

In the weeks leading up to the concert, you and Kiara couldn't stop talking about Ellie Williams it was like that everyday for a few months ever since you bought the tickets. You both knew every song on every album and even had nicknames for all the band members.

You spent countless hours listening to her music and learning about her history, from her early days in a small band to her debut as a solo artist. You couldn't wait to see her live, to experience her music in person, to feel the energy of the crowd as you sang along. You eyed out the line from what seemed like people ranging from high school teenagers to people in their 20s with some of their parents you couldn't help but smile at the thought of all the different age groups sharing love for ellies music and her band.

You and kiara you felt the breeze of the california air the people chattering and muttering in excited tones made your impatience die down for a bit as you swung your arms in boredom its only been 2 hours ever since you arrived in line kiara told you not to come so early but you wanted the closest view of ellie possible you didn't know the reasoning but you knew the closer the view the better but kiara mocked you for this as she said you just wanted to see ellie up close and personal although it was a half truth you didn't only admire the lead singer/guitarist for her looks you admired her for her creativity voice and the way her mind ranged so far when writing songs or performing its almost as if you were having parasocial relationship thoughts about her but you knew that wasn't it.

You just deeply admired ellie because you looked up to her she was doing all the things you've ever wanted to as a adult. mostly ranging from what looked like high school teenagers to people in their 20s with some of their parents you couldn't help but smile at the thought of all the different age groups sharing love for ellies music and her band shaking in anticipation as your body sent adrenaline running through your veins and you weren't even in the venue yet.

You felt your heart almost beating out of your chest as you catched your breath to talk to kiara you checked ellies instagram story over and over for any updates that would give you a clue on when the venue would finally open or when the performance would start but it was nothing she hadn't posted anything which you were so you finally untangle that knot in your throat to speak to kiara.

"why the fuck did we get here so early?" you mumbled under your breath to kiara

"we wouldn't be here so early if we went to that diner around the corner before getting here" kiara muttered leaning back against you as she looked off into the distance watching the line not move at all and people wait in anticipation

"it would be way better if we went to a diner or a bar after" you muttered a small groan leaving your lips as you grazed your fingers against your shirt tracing circles over your stomach

"cmonnn.. you're just hangry! plus you wanna see ellie real bad dont you?" kiara said playfully while laughing at your impatience

"shut up.." you deeply exhale as the tension that was once in your face goes away

At long last the doors swung open your heart beat sped up as you heard the sound of the doors slamming against the concrete wall of the venue echoing throughout the stage and outside of the venue, the excited murmurings, whispers, and exclamations rising to the noise level of a storm.

You felt like you were in the eye of the storm, or the wave in the ocean as everyone surged forth in a single mass. As your pace increased, trying to make it to the front of the line, you were met with a few more aggressive nudges and shoves than you expected. Your grip on Kiara's hand tightened, as if instinctually drawing comfort from her presence.

You moved forward through the chaos of the crowd, as you and kiara were both eager to enter the venue to see the legendary infamous Ellie williams but also tired of trying to push forward. You nearly lost your balance more than once in the chaos as you almost slipped running through the crowd, but eventually your feet found a solid stance and your eyes found the entrance of the venue as you finally take a break from all the chaos happening not too long ago you see the concrete floor and hard surface of the wall.

Many people making their way through calmly as security warned them not to run, the use of the spotlights for the concert beaming over their heads pointing out how dilated their pupils were from the rush of adrenaline as you and kiara made way you saw the front railing come into the sight of your eyes as your heart thumped with excitement knowing you finally had a chance to see Ellie Williams the rockstar you dreamt of seeing for months all the delusions of seeing her had finally became true

The stage was bathed in a dim warm red light complimenting the bands red themed equipment from the red keyboard, drums, bass guitar and the other guitar that was still on a stand which you assumed had to be ellies. A hush fell over the crowd. The bassist, drummer, and keyboardist had completed their setup and were now ready to begin.

The spotlight focused on the stage, highlighting each of the band members in the dim light bringing out all their features the drummer adjusting his ear piece as he waited for ellie the rest of the band checked their instruments, tweaked some buttons, plugged in cables, and tested each microphone to make sure everything was working correctly.

In turn as they nodded to each other and prepared themselves. Slowly the chatter grew still the red lights still dimming around the venue around the crowd and each member of the band except ellie.

Each person in the room waiting with bated breath tension slowly making the walls close in as everyone waited for ellie. You looked at kiara with a confused look as if she knew when the show would start, you almost strain your neck trying to see the stage better and see any clue or signal of ellie as you were only there for her well so was everybody she was the heart throb of the band.

 People began to talk to the people they came with at the concert as if it was the only sense of entertainment, exchanging glances, asking if the show would be starting soon.

Some people sighed in disappointment and began to move away from the stage, their patience running out. Some members of the crowd grumbled to their friends, voicing their displeasure at the delay. The anticipation and the excitement were quickly fading now, with a more negative mood settling in.

The drummer started hitting his closed hi hat in sixteenth notes then the crowd started to erupt in excitement and push against each other to start a mosh pit the bass guitar starts to ring with a what you assumed to be a rock pedal muffling through the speakers amp.

Finally ellie ran to the front of the stage she stood at the edge of the stage, the light shining down on her, and wrapped her guitar strap around her. she takes a moment to bask in the aura of the crowd and her lips curve into a smile with a powerful strum of the guitar, she launched into a song, the sound ringing through the air, people cheering the sounds of the people roaring off of the walls of the venue, the red lights flashing as each instrument starts to sync up

"… The mirror's image, it tells me it's home time"

The last two songs

As the adrenaline that was coursing through out your veins dies down the songs that were playing not too long ago, you finally come to your senses, the venue buzzing with energy the excited chattering and cheering filling the hollow noise noticing the lights from the stage cast a soft glow over the venue fog slowly fading into the air through out the venue that was medium sized at least enough to hold five hundred people, illuminating the faces of the audience, speakers slowly making a faint signal noise as the band stops playing with their instruments The faint scent of sweat, mingling with the warm bodies of the crowd. The energy in the room was palpable, as fans of Ellie Williams cheered and screamed at the sight of her on stage. The hum of the amps and the sound of the bass guitar echoed through the speakers, permeating everything. As ellie began to talk again

"This is our last song of the night..."

she muttered breathlessly as she adjusted the guitar strap around her shoulder fitting it to her body

"i just wanted to thank everyone for coming and buying tickets or taking the time to listen to our music."

She speaks into the mic as she wiped the sweat off of her forehead with a towel before throwing it into the crowd, and the audience erupted into a moshpit as they pushed and lunged at each other trying to grab the towel. The sweaty fabric fluttered down as fans jumped up and down, pushing and shoving each other in a bid to grab the towel you couldn't help but feel in awe that you were in ellies presence as she looked more beautiful in real life than the music videos you watched.

One tall guy in the crowd managed to grab the towel, raising it in the air before spinning around with a victory scream, his hands waving the towel above his head like a trophy as he shoved people to avoid them to get the towel as ellie sees this. Her concerned look turns into her lips curving into a smile and then chuckling into the microphone as the white spotlight hits her blurring everyone else in the band . She adjusted her grip on her guitar, holding it like an extension of her own body, as she began to strum the chords that would support her powerful voice.

"When the zeros line up on the 24 hour clock"

The chord of the guitar complimented her vocals in the perfect harmony as you watched in awe and jealousy of how talented she was her live vocals lifted you up as if it felt like you were floating which put you in a trance forgetting the crowd of people that surrounded you transporting you to a world of ellies talent and beauty as you take in all of her features you were so mesmerized by her dirt colored hair, eyes greener than the grass in los angeles, slightly upturned nose and her hair sticking to her forehead as she was a bit sweaty from the jumping and adrenaline filled night you were in awe.

"When you know who's callin' even though the number is blocked"

With each note she sang, you could feel her passion and emotion pour out of her as her feedback from her microphone bounced off of the walls of the venue the crowd jumped with ecstasy and yelled cheering her on every chord she strummed or every time she would play a guitar solo which whenever she did it sounded like the guitar was crying showing truly how talented she was you felt her vocals powerfully blast to your ears almost as if you were right there in her shoes, experiencing the same emotions.

Her eyes were bright and sparkling as the spotlight complimented her dilated pupils, her smile full of joy as she sang within the instruments notes as she strummed the chords. Her voice echoed through the stadium, filling the air with a sense of longing and hope, as if she was talking directly to you.

It was an unforgettable moment, you and kiara couldn't believe but tonight your eyes were only focused on ellie no one else just her.

After the concert, you and your friend Kiara make your way out of the venue your hair was messy from the jumping and mosh pitting as you still had a high from the adrenaline rush from ellie's performance. You can hear the buzz of energy and excitement from the venue as people made their way to the exit.

As you and kiara make your way down the street walking to god knows where you take in kiaras features noticing her hair is a mess, her dress sleeve sliding down to the point where you can see her bare shoulder and the faded mascara on her face.

Despite her fucked up appearance, she looks absolutely radiant as always. You can't help but let out a small chuckle under your breath as you see how emotional she is over the experience. "You're a mess," you say, grinning.

kiara breathlessly takes a breath, looking up at you with a twinkle in her eyes. "I know, right?" she says, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "But it was so worth it seeing ellie and just hearing her live is like a dream come true." she says as you guys walk down the sidewalk

You nod in agreement brushing your messy curly hair out the way fixing your half messed up dress sleeves a bit rearranging yourself, still processing the experience yourself. "I know, right?" you say. "I can't believe how talented she is. And her live vocals… they just.. i dont know she just serenades me.."

"Not gonna lie i kind of saw her peeping you"

"please dont feed into my delusions especially not now.."

kiara nudges you as you both walked down the street the street lights beaming onto you both casting a glow that complimented the aura you and kiara held whenever you guys were near each other the sounds of laughter and conversation echo in the air, as people rush by on their way to their next destination.

You can hear the hum of cars and the occasional honking as they navigate through the crowded streets, a few police cars blocking certain ways for god knows what, the sounds of shoes clacking against the pavement and people chattering about the experience of the ellie concert or just anything in general, the night air has a distinct smell that is both familiar and exhilarating.

The air is thick with the stench of gasoline and exhaust fumes from the cars, but that is covered by the smells of pizza and hot dogs emanating from the street food vendors that line the sidewalks, a faint odor of stale beer wafting in from nearby bars, a reminder of the fact that this is a city that never sleeps.

"So where do you wanna eat?" kiara looks around, taking in the lights and the sounds of the city the aroma of street vendor food through out the city

"To be honest i wanna drink" you say shrugging looking at all the food vendors with the neon lights including the prices above the food but none of them really catch your eye

"i don't blame you" kiaras eyes sparkle and she laughs at the thought of you being all burnt out from the concert "i know that there's a few bars around here" kiara says grabbing your hand and leading the way

As you and Kiara walk down the street, you both keep an eye out for any potential bars to grab a drink. You pass by a few crowded clubs, but the music seems too loud too many sweaty out of control drunk people and most of them stunk of cigarettes, most of the bars had the bouncers too intimidating to make a good hangout spot. You also notice a couple of cozy restaurants, but they seem more oriented towards couples on a date night rather than a couple of friends wanting to grab a beer or a shot and unwind.

Then, almost as if by fate, your eyes fall on a dimly lit lounge that seems to be begging you to go inside. The neon sign above the door flickers on and off, casting a soft glow on the sidewalk outside bouncing off of your dirt colored eyes almost somewhat ruining your strained vision.

The music drifting out of the lounge is barely audible, but it has a sensual, almost psychedelic quality that draws you in as you felt like the psychedelic vibe usually always drew you in ever since you were young the bar somewhat reeked of weed but in a good way maybe it was the only on the outside and not the inside.

"Well, this place looks interesting." Kiara says with her eyes widened in awe with a smile, peering through the thick glass door. You can't help but agree. It seems like the perfect place to go for a drink or two, away from the crowds and the noise of the city.

Kiara steps ahead of you, a slight grin on her face. She pauses for a moment before reaching out to hold the door open for you, gesturing for you to enter first.

"After you." she says with a slight chuckle. You enter the psychedelic bar the dimly lit lounge opening up before you, you cant help but feel overwhelmed by all the neon lights spread through out the bar. The interior of the bar was a stark contrast of the somewhat trashy street outside the soft but warm blue lighting casting a warm glow over the clean, polished glowy tables that had stickers on them from brands all over the world.

The neon signs also complimenting the warm dim light that had glowed as the neon signs were all over the lounge truly complimenting the feeling of psychedelics the bar was supposed to have the servers and waitresses helping around with the cooks as they scattered around throughout the lounge, The smell of the cocktails, beer, wine and hot food surrounding you as you took a step in you couldn't help but feel a sense of euphoria as the lounge or bar brought you comfort and felt like you were right at home.The DJ over at the booth manned the mixing console, his fingers expertly spinning the records. The music was loud and clear in his headphones, the rhythm moving him to the beat. With one hand adjusting the volume, and the other spinning the records in perfect sync with the music, he bopped his head in time with the music.

As you scan the lounge spot your eyes settle upon a group of people gathered around the bar, laughing and talking loudly among themselves as if there was no one else in the bar you notice a few people giving them side glances due to their carelessness but they weren't paying attention to that it seemed like they were enjoying just being in the moment . In the midst of the chaos, a somewhat tall brunette haired woman stands out, her medium length hair flowing softly down her back as she inhales deeply from a lit cigarette then exhaling out as she sips from her beer bottle, her almond-shaped eyes glinting under the neon lights, her plump lips curve into a slight smile as she chats with friends reminiscing on how she recently had a performance of some sort..

"Holy fuck" kiaras eyes widened in shock as she starts grabbing your forearm and shaking it

"YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR HER AUTOGRAPH COME ON! or a selfie at least.." kiara protested as she recklessly grabbed both of your shoulders shaking them as she gawked into your eyes

"why can't you do it??" i mutter under my breath so ellie or her band members can't hear me as i lean away from kiaras touch

"dude i put you on to her so.." kiara rolled her eyes at you as she crossed her arms you knew she wasn't wrong you've only ever heard of ellies band because kiara sent you one of their music videos and you only fell in love with it because of the way ellie looked and sung the way she strum her guitar in the music videos you had watched you were in love with whatever sensation entered your body when you heard the bands music

As you approach ellie you couldn't help but fiddle with your fingers with nervousness as you walk towards the bar you felt your heart thumping in your chest, your breathing patterns becoming a bit uneven and the smell of ellies cigarettes weren't helping as you attempted to steady your breathing your mind ran with thoughts of what ifs?

what if she doesn't say yeah?

she's not obligated to.

what if she ignores me?

you weren't important to her.

what if...

You take a deep breath and approach the group at the bar. Ellie's bandmates are still laughing loudly with her as they drink beer a few empty bottles on the bar's counter as you inhale the smell of alcohol and cigarettes around them noticing how they were a bit intoxicated, but she seems to have noticed you she didn't seem as intoxicated as her bandmates she seemed pretty sober although she has had two beers which you noticed, of course you noticed. her green eyes sparkling as she gazes at you from across.

"Hey i saw your performance at that venue around the corner i just wanted to say you were really good." You finally feel a weight lifted off of your chest as you spoke to ellie, feeling more confident than you did when you were walking up to her.

Her green eyes gawked at you as her lips curved into a smile. "I appreciate that i mean.. we appreciate that thanks for coming i was pretty nervous before coming on stage" She returned a smile as she looked into your eyes almost feeling a bit of tension in the air but what kind of tension?

"You shouldn't feel nervous at all i mean you're the ellie williams ...lead singer of loathe.. you're truly amazing at what you do."

"That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" spoken ever so earnestly, as if she was hit by a sudden revelation and was taking what you said to mean much more than you thought it did.

The two of you lock eyes for a few moments, you getting lost in her vibrant green eyes and full plump lips as she takes another sip of her beer.

For a moment your senses of taste and smell immediately disappear and vanish into the cigarette smoke filled air, you feel like the two of you are trapped in your own little bubble, where nothing else exists but the two of you, the walls closing in, the tension of possibly a start of a new connection causing you to choke up feeling like you have barbed wires around your throat as you speak up. You felt ill at ease, looked away, and finally muttered the first thing that came to mind

"Nice?" You asked

"Yes, nice." she finally left her burnt out cigarette in the ashtray

"can you sign my dress?" You looked at her with eyes of awe as if you were a child begging for candy from a parent.

She pulls out a marker from the back pocket of her jeans and starts to gently write her signature on your soft, white clothed dress

As she finishes signing your dress, elie looks up at you with a smile on her face.

You notice the spark in her eyes and the warmth in her voice as she speaks.

"It's not often that someone takes the time to express their admiration, let alone ask for an autograph," she chuckles, holding your gaze for a brief moment before glancing down at the signature. "It's really nice to meet you, and I'm touched that my music has meant something to you that means a lot.." she smiles at you a bit as she mutters this for you only to hear

You smile back at her, feeling a shiver of excitement run down your spine. "of course listen, ellie. I've been a big fan of yours for a while now, and hearing your music live in concert was an incredible experience it brought me to emotions that i've never experienced before." you chuckle a bit

"i don't get that often. Well i always try to put my heart and soul into my performances, even if it's just for a few songs."

"your music is truly a comfort to me i really mean it..."

Ellie chuckles, a soft sound that tickles your ears. "I'm glad to hear that," she looks at her beer bottle but then glances back up at you "That's exactly what I want my music to be just a comfort spot.."

you nod in agreement as you sense a bit of a connection between yourself and ellie as you guys gaze into each others eyes

ellie's expression softens even further, and she reaches out to brush a stray curl behind her ear. "You're a good person, you know that?" she says, the kindness in her voice making your heart flutter. "Not many people take the time to look inward and reflect on their actions and thoughts, let alone strive to improve themselves. It's really admirable.. i feel like thats what truly attracts me to someone you know?"

You feel your face turning red as you smile softly back at her. "Thanks ellie" you cant help but smile at her kind words

There was the most silent silence you've ever encountered in your life as you looked at the empty beer bottles on the bar counter gazing at her green grass colored eyes a few times but then she clears her throat, breaking the spell, and looks away. "Anyway, it was great meeting you," she says, holding out her hand for you to shake. You take it and feel a thrill run through your body as your hands touch feeling a bit of ecstasy as your bodies made contact.

You couldn't help but let your mind wander off to what other feelings you would have when your bodies press against each other with the feeling of you being overstimulated. You hated yourself for having these thoughts come across your mind about a stranger

You start to scan the room for kiara and you finally notice her sitting in a corner of the lounge where it seemed comfortable enough to lay in as she was resting her head on the table she seemed half asleep but you knew she could handle herself as you start to walk away all of a sudden..

"Hey why don't you grab a few drinks with me?" She says with a bit of smirk growing as she looked at you, you noticed her taking in the sight of your flowy dress but you ignored the thought.

ellie's invitation takes you by surprise, but you quickly regain your composure as you nod in agreement. As you take a seat next to ellie you see ellie's confidence growing as she smiles and takes a few sips from her beer.

She orders a round of drinks for the two of you not asking what your choice of drink was but maybe it was because she wanted to treat you to something special?..

For a moment, the two of you sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company. The music from the dj boorh still plays softly in the background, but it feels as though it's just the two of you there.

"So, tell me about yourself," Ellie says, breaking the silence as she leans in towards you. "What do you do when you're not rocking out to my music?" she chuckles with a slight grin

You take a sip of your drink before responding. "Well, I'm a student right now, studying finance. I've always been interested in just being a real estate agent. And when im not being a student i like to play the guitar or just draw my thoughts out"

Ellie smiles at your answer, clearly impressed. "Holy shit really?" she scoffs "i've always been jealous of people who study about businesses" she takes a sip out of her beer before clearing her throat "it's insane how much effort you can put into that.."

The two of you continue to talk and get to know each other, the night slowly fading away as the two of you lose track of time. For a moment, it feels as though the rest of the world has disappeared, and it's just the two of you in your own private bubble.

As the bar starts to close, you realize that it's time to head back to your friend. But before you go, Ellie grabs your hand and whispers something in your ear you couldn't make out what was said but you just obliged. A moment later, she leans in and gives you a soft kiss on the cheek. you felt a sudden rush of ecstasy running through out you.

"thanks for the company" she says with a smile. "maybe we can talk again soon? she whispers into your ear as she slips a paper into your hand

"yeah sure.." you take the paper into your hands not inspecting it at all but just taking it and walking away

As you walk back to kiara you couldn't help but feel your cheeks blush and your face muscles tense up not knowing what the future would hold for you this was only the start of a new chapter..

[runningupthatvecna]

the law of seat partners

alrighty so ya gurl had a dream about eddie last night and here i am trying to use that to base the following something off of.

part 2

cw/tw: eddie munson being a slightly touchy precious bean. a slight bit of angst. feeling left out/mentions of feeling unwanted if you squint. otherwise, none that i could think of, just my silly brain fluff. if you find something else, please let me know yaaa. no mentions of y/n.

summary: you're going on a high school field trip with your friends. and thankfully, a long haired metalhead is also there to keep you company and ease the pain of being around obnoxious children.

side note: this is literally the first fic thing i've written in literal YEARS (also in English) and first ever time writing for Eddie, so bare with me here, i've gotten quite rusty i guess so i truly apologise if it's rather bad. don't mind me and please reblog/leave me comments if you did enjoy this pure fluff something!

------

It was the sunniest May morning the town of Hawkins had ever seen. The bluest sky above the forests and fields, downtown, the infamous trailer park and the parking lot of Hawkins High.

You sighed as you placed your car in parking mode before opening the door and sliding out, just so you could grab your belongings - a rather big bag filled with all sorts of items that you were certain you were going to need for surviving the next week - out from the backseat.

A field trip with students with an age range from bloody twelve to the wise years of nineteen, well, twenty to be specific, was on your agenda in the almost last month of your last year of high school, and thankfully you were not gonna be stuck in some forest next to Lake Superior alone by yourself.

Being forced to exist around screaming twelve year olds who were about to enter puberty was your least favourite part of the whole expedition, which made the presence of your group of best friends so much more valuable.

There was one person whose attendance you'd specifically been hoping for. And yes, of course you and your friends had been talking about the trip months ago so it would be clear who would join in the fun, but with Eddie's tendency to be flaky when it came to decisions like this, one could never be fully sure.

I mean yeah, certainly you were looking forward to spending this week by the lakeside with Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan and the younger kids in freshmen year, but nothing could make the thought of being stuck with a group of middle schoolers and teachers more bearable than being stuck there with the one guy who you - to put it frankly - had a thing for.

You couldn't really say that you were as close with him as you were with Steve or Robin, you never really spent time with him outside of the group hangouts. But that didn't mean that there was any weird distance between the two of you when the lucky occasion of hanging out did come around.

Eddie Munson was a metalhead. Through and through. Tough exterior, soft baby cow personality but could turn stone cold when necessary. When people tried to shame him for being different, for example.

You were also very certain that his love language was touch, based on the times he would throw his arm around you when casually walking you to your next class or the way he would playfully wrestle Dustin or Lucas in the cafeteria during lunch break to show he didn't hate them.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here!"

Max had spotted you in line and apparently didn't feel too much guilt for cutting it just so she could hop on the bus together with you.

You mumbled the same thing back to her, wondering if you were the first or last ones of your party to go through Miss Kelley's check-in.

She greeted the both of you with a toothy smile before she turned her focus onto the sheet with students' names. Your eyes wandered over the rows of seat pairs, and since you had arrived at the parking lot, let's say not late but also not early either, most of them were already filled with loudly chatting kids.

"Hopefully the others saved us a seat", you heard Max say from in front of you. Unlike you, she already had a pre-determined seat buddy. "Oh please, it's obvious that Sinclair kept one for you", you quipped back, silently hoping you could potentially be sitting next to Steve or at least Robin.

And even if Eddie was going to join you, he'd probably be sitting with Chrissy. Or Gareth.

"That might be true, but I'm sure you'll be just fine with where you'll end up."

Max stepped further into the bus after she gave you a wink and a slight grin.

Did she know more than you?

Good boy Steve was rather easy for you to spot. With that amount of hair peeking out above the sea of headrests? No wonder. In fact, most of your friends were already seated further in the back of the one-story bus.

A slight hint of disappointment clouded your brain at the sight of Steve and Robin sharing a seat pair, with Nancy and Jonathan right behind them. Your fear of being the one left out and behind was creeping out from the back of your mind, acting up.

People had always been kind enough to endure you, but no one ever really chose you. Or at least made you feel like you belonged.

Lucas indeed had the seat next to him reserved for Max, to where she continued her strut down the aisle to plop down, while Dustin and Will had agreed to share theirs.

Surprising they made it out of bed this early.

You took a few more steps towards the back of the bus. A wide grinned Erica was seated amongst her friends in the center of the very back row, your eyes scanning the seats until they landed on the wild dark mane of a certain metalhead, who was occupying the pair of seats right behind the stairs down to the back door.

He was practically lying in the window seat. Head resting against the glass, staring out to observe the students who hadn't set foot onto the bus yet. Parents who were lecturing their kids one last time before letting them go.

Was he daydreaming? What could possibly be going on in that pretty head of his?

Your heart jumped and your stomach fluttered when he shifted his gaze to the aisle where you were standing. The widest smile spread over his face at the sight of you, and you hated to admit to yourself that it did not leave you unaffected.

The seat next to him was empty.

It took Eddie a few seconds to remember what his initial plan was. As if something in his brain clicked, as if a bolt of lightning had hit him, he straightened himself and got up.

"Uh hi there. I, uh, kept you a seat if, uh, in case you'd like to sit with me."

Eddie the freak Munson. Had thought of and would be willing to sharing seats for a 10 hour bus ride. With you, of all people?

In the light of the sunlight flooded bus, you could see his cheeks adjusting to the colour of your own. Flushed pink.

And you just couldn't help the wide grin that was pulling at the corners of your mouth.

Now both of you were standing in the aisle facing each other.

"I would love to, Munson."

Quickly you took out the essentials for the journey from your bag: headphones and your walkman, your tape collection that you wouldn't leave the house without, a novel, some water and a tote bag with your carefully selected snacks.

Eddie waited patiently for you to get comfortable, standing there in the aisle in his signature leather jacket and denim dio vest, while leaning against the backrest of his own seat, watching your every move.

Once you swung yourself around into your seat, Eddie plopped down next to you with an equally wide grin plastered across his face while pointing his ringed index finger at the snack bag.

"You know, you're gonna have to share those with me."

You turned your head around to face him, eyebrow raised.

His chocolate brown doe eyes were so so softly looking at you. If you didn't know better they'd melt you on the spot.

"Oh really, do I?"

"Yeah, it's the unspoken yet official law of seat partners, sweetheart."

You chuckled at his silliness and the pet name, the nervousness which you had gotten from the thought of him very obviously thinking of you when it came to the decision of who to sit next to, all gone.

He wanted to be physically close to you.

He wanted to spend that time on the bus around you.

He chose you.

After Steve, Robin and all the others from your group had acknowledged your presence as well with genuine smiles, and the last few kids had found their seats, it was time to leave Hawkins.

The bus hit the highway towards Chicago pretty soon after departure.

Eddie let you sit in the window seat, which eventually led to him conveniently using your shoulder as a pillow. And no, you didn't mind the weight. It was Eddie.

Hell, you were having a hard time keeping yourself from wrapping your arms around him to pull him closer.

"Does this also fall under the law of seat partners?", you asked curiously, placing a hand on Eddie's head and slightly scratching his scalp.

The only thing you got in return was a satisfied, sleepy "mhm" and a squeeze and rub of his warm hand over your thigh, but it was enough for your mind to drift off, wondering which other of Eddie's love languages and further details of his ridiculous seat partner law you'd come to discover on this trip.

-----

tagged: my beloved ellen @josephfakingquinn <3

[doink-boink]

Finally drew my interpretation of Zach's parents!

Have had these fellows in the works for a good while!

Really had to lock in when doing the writing here lol - my handwriting is normally a weird hyper mix between cursive and print. But messier. Hopefully its legible! Enjoy some more yapping about these guys below the cut >:D

Must mention this is within my own AU! My interpretation of Zach specifically is a trans man. So uh! No way in hell Arthur is supportive in that regard. He is a miserable man whose only concern is furthering the family business and his public image.

Really looked to both Moral Orel and Bojack Horseman as inspiration for how these two would be. Did not intend for Arthur to share a name with the character he is inspired by lol - but uhm! He specifically is like Arthur Puppington when Clay was a kid: Distant, cold, though not physically abusive. Emotionally? Oh brother, you bet.

Regarding Kim and Arthur's relationship, that was really dead in the water. Kim is a self published author, or rather, an ASPIRING self published author. She mostly writes crime novellas/dramas, though needed some outsider input regarding the legal side of her stories. So, of course, she decides to reach out to the biggest law firm in the area.

It is initially a short and sweet interaction: "I ask you questions, you give me answers and insight when you can." However, she grows to enjoy Arthur's company, falling for him quickly. VERY rushed marriage ensues! Good god! (Of course not ASAP, within a few months time of dating/correspondence) Not too certain as of right now where Zach comes into the mix, but definitely in that honeymoon stage of a relationship where you don't quite know the person yet to really gauge if things will work out or not.

I mean, things absolutely do NOT work out in the end, but they don't know that yet. Arthur I feel is the type to want a family ASAP. Need that sweet sweet heir to the company. Will accept nothing less than a son. Sucks for him, doesn't end up coming to fruition until much later! AFAB child, disappointment on Arthur's behalf, compassion on Kim's. Like a night and day difference - even after Zach does eventually transition (his mother is deceased by this point) his father refuses to accept it until he dies. By until I mean: "You still are not my son." *flatline*

Kim was there for Zach until the day she died, which would probably be around late middle school to early highschool? In that age range. Old enough to have fond and in depth memories. Which! Arthur is the one who discovers what had happened. Busy writing a novel when wham, sudden cardiac arrest - alone, as she tended to keep to herself. Entire family dynamic changes from then onward, though the abusive aspects of it were ever present. Arthur is generally unsupportive of Zach's endeavors, frustrated that he is going into science and robotics as opposed to law. (Though I do think he'd have been trained or prepped for a career as a lawyer throughout his teens-adolescence)

Zach is the closest to his mother, with most of his fashion sense coming from her. Gotta love the turtleneck sweater! @novazentryx came up with the idea that he inherited his early black sweater from Tazzy Chris from her after it shrunk in the wash, loved that so y'know what! This totally applies here. Not only did he inherit the sweater, but also her V-necklace! (Which, if you have seen Zoey, is where she gets it from! As well as she looks strikingly similar to Kim. On that front I think that was a surprise from Aviva, knowing how close he was to her)

Spitballing with this one, but I think it would be interesting if Zach had assisted in pitching ideas for Kim's stories! What aspects of it I do not know, but maybe names for the characters. Mayhaps that is where he gets ZACH from? Don't ask what his deadname is, haven't thought of that and would prefer not to lol

I think that concludes my rambling! Do not really have anything else that is coming to mind at the moment, so feel free to ask questions or leave suggestions about these two! I will more than likely respond ^^ (To asks or replies) Thank you for humoring me and reading all of this if you're here lol, I really appreciate it!!

[mywingsareonwheels]

I was just thinking that one thing I adore about the Endeavour fandom is that I don't think I've seen a single person in it who insults Fred Thursday's intelligence or fails to recognise his intellectual interests. Even people who don't like him (or at least judge him more harshly than I do)!

And in this we're following on from the show, which recognises that while Thursday lacks class and educational privilege[1], he has not only some considerable astuteness as a detective and a lot of worldly-wisdom, but has taught himself Italian, enjoys a lot of poetry, can identify various trees that almost certainly weren't around in Mile End when he was growing up, knows at least a little about opera etc.. And is, especially in the early seasons, always interested in learning more. As @morsesnotes very wisely observed in a recent post, poetry is part of what Morse and Thursday bond over! It's Strange who's the odd one out when it's the three of them, not Morse.

Thursday's own confidence in his intelligence I think is variable, but the show never questions it, and neither do we. :-)

I sometimes wish Endeavour had a larger fandom because it really is so good (even if very flawed in places) and deserves more attention. But then at other times I go... eurgh, if it did though, the opportunity for Fail would be so much worse. And I think that's one of the things we'd lose, because some of the less thoughtful fans would take one look at this middle-aged, working class ex-NCO with PTSD and sometimes spectacularly poor decision-making and go "he must be Morse's opposite" and ignore all of his intellectual curiosity and self-education. (And his reciting poetry at/with Morse in Colours which is one of my favourite moments ever. ;-) ) Right now I love that as far as I know the whole fandom Gets This about Fred. <3

(And with my late, beloved paternal grandparents having been working-class (rural rather than urban) and born in the same decade as Fred and also both having left school at 14 and both having a huge range of interests and being very into self-education (fiction, theology, natural history, geology, art...)... Yeah. This is part of why I love Fred so much, and part of why I love that he's allowed to be so smart and intellectually engaged. <3 )

[1] Given his generation and background, it's most probable he left school at 14, and certainly university would never have been an option.

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 44/?

Prev | Next

Two days after Tim left, Jason regretted giving him his phone number. Not because the kid was trying to convince him to return to Gotham but because he would text him at the most random times with the most innate things. Seriously, did he ever sleep? Why was he trying to find out who robbed a store and took only the left socks?

Okay, the last one was interesting, but why was he doing it at 2:42 a.m.? Go to sleep!

Jason rubbed his eyes and continued setting up the snacks for the first book club meeting. Ghost Writer was literally glowing at the prospect of the first meeting. Jason constantly reminded him to stop lighting up if he didn’t want to freak people out. After telling him the sixth time, Jason wondered if meeting in Ghost Writer’s bookstore was a bad idea.

He sighed, “Too late, now.”

Jason had used the bookstore’s website so people who signed up could also vote from six choices. It had been a close call, but most people chose Sense and Sensibility. Jason couldn’t overstate his happiness that the first book would be an Austen novel. Jason might not have read it in a while, but he had it almost memorized and found himself more engrossed than usual in the novel. They only had to read the first five chapters for the first meeting, but Jason couldn’t help but finish it in one sitting while Jazz had had the kids.

Jason looked up as the bell over the door rang. A middle-aged woman entered the bookstore. Jason recognized her from the school and greeted her warmly. Then, an older lady entered. She had curly, short silver hair and thick glasses that made her eyes look huge. Jason greeted her and pointed her toward the snack bar. Next was a couple who bickered with each other. It wasn’t loud, but it felt overwhelming in such an enclosed space. Jason hoped that they wouldn’t continue arguing with each other the whole time.

Next, a young woman who looked to be college-aged showed up. Her hair was in a bun, and she was dressed as if she were going to an interview. Jason looked down at his ratty T-shirt and holey jeans and suddenly felt ragged. A few minutes later, a guy with a bushy beard and covered in tattoos entered. He looked like a biker.

Jason couldn’t help but be excited as he talked to the people who had entered. Barring the couple, everyone seemed happy to be there. Jason heard the bell ring once more. His smile fell when he saw the person who had entered.

Avril fucking Dubois. Fuck.

Jason ignored Avril as much as he could. He refused to let her ruin this for him.

They went around and introduced each other. The couple, Henry and Vanessa, went first. Halfway through introducing themselves, they started bickering. Jason quickly went to the next person.

The older woman was Agnus.

“I’m so glad this book club started. I love literature, and most of the people I used to talk to are gone now. I hope being around you young people will give me new perspectives.”

“Welcome, Agnus,” Jason said. He had a feeling he would get along with her. Next was the college student.

“My name is Charlotte. I’m here to find like-minded people who enjoy reading as much as I do. I can bring new insights and hope to learn from other people’s points of view. I hope to be a good asset to this club.”

“Um,” Jason had no idea what to say in response to that introduction. “Well, welcome; just having you here is awesome.”

“Hello, Jay. I know you know me, but for everyone else, my name is Carrie. I love to read but have very little time to do so with my children. I decided I needed some ‘me’ time, so I joined. I can't wait to discuss literature with other like-minded people.”

“Name’s Jerry,” Biker dude said, “I’m here to broaden my horizons and to see more of the world through books. Happy to be here.”

Jason smiled warmly toward him. He loved that Jerry didn’t fit into the stereotypical bookworm category. It made Jason feel validated somehow. Of course, Avril had to ruin by sniffing at Jerry’s introduction and haughtily introducing herself.

“My name is Avril Dubois. I’m the president of the PTA at my children’s school.”

Why would anyone care about that?

“I studied literature and English in college, so I thought this club would be a good way to continue my love of literature and help spread what I know. It’s certainly nice to meet such a…interesting band of people.”

Jason gritted his teeth at Avril’s blatant insult and decided to introduce himself.

“Hello, my name’s Jay. I started this book club so I can talk and discuss with others the books I read. I am so glad to have so many people here who share my passion for the written word. I would also like to thank Mr. Edwards for letting us use his bookstore for this little club.”

Ghostwriter waved a hand and sat by Jason. Thankfully, he looked like a very pale man and wasn’t glowing.

“I put a little poll online, and Sense and Sensibility won. I’m excited to talk about this book. Austen is one of my favorite authors. So, did everyone read the first five chapters?”

The discussion started, and Jason had to admit (at least to himself and not Roy) that this was a good idea.

Jason couldn’t help but feel joy being in a group of people arguing whether or not it was Mrs. Dashwood’s fault that Elinor had to have sense and had become a parent due to Mrs. Dashwood’s habit of letting her emotions take over.

Even the couple stopped bickering with each other to gang up on Jerry and Agnus. At one point, Jason and Avril were on the same page. Well, weirder things, he guessed.

When the first meeting ended, Jason felt his core humming with happiness.

Jason personally saw everyone out—even Avril.

“Well, I was pleasantly surprised, Jay. Who knew you had some knowledge of Austen? Don’t be late to the PTA meeting tomorrow, if possible.”

Even Avril’s backhanded compliment didn’t bring Jason’s spirits (ha!) down. He couldn’t wait for the next meeting.

Quick disclaimer: I have never read Austen.

I tried to read it for this chapter, but it's not my cup of tea, so I did something I have never done before: I used cliff notes, lol. I kinda wish I could've gotten into it because I see so much of Jason in Marianne. For example, Jason uses his emotions to live his life, and it has caused him problems with his family

Likewise, I see bits of Jazz in Elinor. But since I can't really go into it I decided to put it here on the notes.

anyway, enjoy

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[sacchiri]

[Hellsing] Female Fans' Round-Table Discussion

A 6-page interview from the 2012 Hellsing Official Guidebook, featuring five grown-ass women chatting about Hellsing in a casual discussion format and translated into English for the first time ever by yours truly.

Honestly this was way more entertaining to read than I thought it would be. It’s also really funny seeing this super-casual discussion printed in the book right alongside Hirano's—-oh who am i kidding, this is 10x more professional and less deranged than whatever goes on in Hirano’s interviews.

Anyway, without further ado...

Does Hellsing have little to no female fans? Nay! Assembled before you are five women with an undying love for the series. Let’s see their passion for this work show itself as they butt heads!

Is the female fanbase just hiding itself or what?

Moderator: Now then, everyone, let’s start off with introductions.

Ms. T: I am Ms. T. I’ve been walking the path of an otaku since middle school, and it’s already been ● years since then. How do I put this, all of you seem like fairly normal people…

Everyone: Oh no—rest assured we are all otaku as well. (laughter)

Ms T: Oh, really? (laughs) Anyway, I’ve continued to love manga for all this time. Thank you for having me.

Ms J: I’m Ms J. I was already at a decent age when Hellsing began serialization, but to create something so enticing—as expected of Hirano-sensei! (laughs). This is the kind of manga I’d better buy and collect, I thought.

Ms A: Out of today’s gathering, I’m probably the one who became an otaku at the oldest age. (laughs) My friend told me, “Hellsing is a manga that really crazy people read”, so at first I couldn’t get around to starting it. But around the time volume 8 came out, I binge-read it, and it was so interesting that I couldn’t help but get obsessed.

Ms R: I’m probably the youngster in this group. By the time Hellsing started serialization, I was just entering middle school. [T/N: That makes her 27 at the time of this interview.]

Of course we didn’t really have the term "edgy-teen syndrome" back then, but around me the manga was definitely gaining popularity in that edgy teen fashion. One of my best friends was obsessed with Hellsing and I’d borrow it after they finished reading it, and I got addicted too.

Moderator: I’m under the impression that the female readership for Hellsing is overwhelmingly small, but…

Ms J: Nah, I think they’re just hiding. I mean, it’s not like you’d talk about Hellsing to someone in passing. You wouldn’t suddenly say, “Y’know, Alucard is…”

Everyone: True. (laughs)

Ms J: There isn’t much opportunity to bring it up, or perhaps you could say it’s a hard topic to bring up to the general public.

Ms A: Like how you can’t have a pork-and-rice bowl first thing in the morning or something.

Ms J: Yeah, like that. Actually, among my circle of female otaku friends, everyone has read Hellsing.

Ms T: Among manga fans, Kouta Hirano is well-understood.

Ms J: Any fan of manga who doesn’t know Kouta Hirano is a faker!

Ms T: Disregarding whether you’ve properly sat down and read his works or not, I feel like it’s impossible for a manga enthusiast to not have at least heard of Hirano-sensei. But we are talking about manga fans in general, and the range of tastes is so broad. If someone were to say to me “I’m a fan of Kouta Hirano”, only then would I be like, “Oh, so I can talk comfortably with this person”.

Moderator: It’s a good litmus test to use. (laughs)

Ms A: It’s only when you broach the topic of Kouta Hirano that you can finally talk about Hellsing. You can’t go straight from “So I hear you like manga” to “So, about Hellsing…”, lol.

Ms J: If you met someone for the first time and you go “So I heard you like manga? What about Hellsing?” that’s like coming straight for their throat with a knife. (laughs)

Moderator: Even as a gauge to see how much of an otaku your opponent is, it’s a bit too much to try and break the ice with Hellsing.

The wonders of dialogue

Ms J: Speaking of the good points of Hellsing, I think it’s that it doesn’t get overly preachy. You can see this starting from Cross Fire, but you really get the sense that everyone’s equally crazy here.

Ms A: I can see that. No one is on the side of justice. Like the Major, he’s a nasty little guy. The type of guy who would casually twist off an ant’s legs or something like that.

Ms J: That Major, his beta male levels are literally off the charts.

Everyone: (bursts into laughter)

Ms J: Actually, something that caught my interest about the setting is that only virgins can become vampires. In the first place, I don’t think European vampire lore makes that kind of distinction.

Ms T: Father Anderson is probably a virgin, since he has religious reasons for celibacy. Though it might depend on religious sect. I wonder if there’s a meaning behind this concept of chastity?

Ms J: The idea of chastity is valued in the Hellsing universe as well.

Ms A: Right, since if you aren’t a virgin you become a ghoul, and then it’s game over and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Ms R: Speaking of which, Integra’s a virgin, too.

Ms T: Integra being a virgin is an important part of the story.

Ms J: In my personal opinion, the best couple is definitely Alucard and Integra.

Ms R and Ms A: I was going to say the same!

Ms T: Integra and Alucard call each other “Count”, don’t they? You know, in a previous life it’s possible that Integra was a man. Perhaps Alucard is seeing the Count Hellsing of the past through Integra. Thinking about that possibility makes a girl’s heart flutter. Not to mention Integra’s appearance leans towards that of a man— Ah, it’s just so peak! [T/N: I'm not being facetious, 盛り literally means peak]

Ms A: Those who want to read a male/female romance can enjoy doing so, and for people who like BL, there are plenty of elements that can be enjoyed as BL also. I feel like the reason you can enjoy both things is because the relationships that are depicted are not constrained purely to sexual love.

Ms J: For those who like to read into the BL aspect, there are lots of fight scenes that can’t be ignored, can they? Particularly in the endgame. Like Girlycard and Young Walter, that was...really something.

Moderator: That part was just unfair! I mean, after getting captured by Millennium and going M.I.A., all that anticipation was building and building, and for Walter to be reintroduced like that!

Ms J: When I got to that part I was like, “Man, Hirano-sensei really did his best to keep all that stuff pent-up for so long". For both Walter and Girlycard, I mean.

Moderator: Speaking of Girlycard, I get the feeling that the idea for her was in place since the early stages of story development.

Ms J: I wonder about that… on the other hand it seems like it was a very spontaneous decision. (laughs)

Ms A: Even if the story developments feel spontaneous, I feel like the characters' settings are polished to a high degree from the beginning. Even though a new character suddenly appears out of nowhere, you end up following along without feeling a sense of discomfort. In Hirano-sensei's mind, I'm sure that each character is cultivated with an equal amount of attention. After that it's just a matter of deciding what situations the character will appear in.

Ms J: Each character is excellently molded to their place in the story. Even though normally it should be very challenging to create characters that would fit in this sort of world. (laughs) From the moment of their introduction, they are already dyed in Hirano's unique brand, and you can tell that Hirano understands them well.

Ms R: After all, characters from his past works before Hellsing make appearances in the manga, so you get the feeling that these are ideas that have been stewing in his head for a long time.

Moderator: And within Hellsing too, these characters grow and develop. Like Maxwell—he started out as a mere brat, but then he went full tryhard mode and developed that cunning and pretentious side to him.

Everyone: (leans forward) Yeah, that's right!!

Ms J: —And he had that past with Anderson, didn't he? I was like "Hold on a sec, a flashback scene now, are you kidding me"? Even though I knew that a flashback is basically a death flag, I couldn't help but love it. (laughs)

Ms A: At the final moment, Maxwell called Anderson "Sensei", a reversal of their dynamic thus far. Up until then there were hints of foreshadowing, but nothing definite. But with that single word you could feel the adoration Maxwell had felt for Anderson when he was a child... It's amazing how potent that line was. The timing of delivery was excellent, too.

Ms R: Up until that point Maxwell was portrayed as nothing more than a snob, but the truth is there were reasons why he became that way.

Ms T: Hirano-sensei is very skilled at depicting relationships between men.

The beauty of composition

Ms A: In Hellsing, there aren't any characters that go too far beyond the range of normal anatomy.

Even with regards to enemies and such, there aren't any massively gargantuan or bulky characters. Everyone is more or less normal. And yet, there is so much impact in the poses that it leaves you with a strong impression. Those standout panels just radiate style—so much so that anyone with an eye for art will be impressed by them, I think.

Ms T: The paneling is relatively simple, but the composition sense of each panel is amazing.

Ms R: I love the stuff like Rip Van's silhouette. The balance between her and the musket is super cool. Even though something that size in real life would be impractical to shoot, it looks so cool that it's like, "Who cares!"

Ms A: Fight scenes that should have a lot of movement are instead surprisingly depicted with still frame shots, and they have a beauty to them reminiscent of paintings. It makes me want to stare at the same handful of panels for a long time. Calling it aesthetic beauty might be a bit of an exaggeration, but...

Ms T: Not an exaggeration at all, I think there is a lot of aesthetic beauty. For me, when I look at Hirano-sensei's artwork, I'm reminded of ukiyo-e paintings. And in the movement, I sense a bit of kabuki theater.

Moderator: Each panel is created with beauty in every nook and cranny, so as to work as a standalone illustration.

Ms R: The way shadow and blood is depicted is so good, isn't it? It really makes full use of the monochrome medium.

Ms A: When I was reading the scene in volume 8 when Cromwell Level 0 is released and soldiers are unleashed in hordes, it reminded me of a medieval copperplate engraving. The plot developments in that moment were so interesting, and the density of the illustrations so rich, that simply staring at them was enjoyable.

Ms T: It really draws you in, doesn't it? In other manga that have very detailed art styles, the realism makes it feel similar to a liveaction movie. But Hirano's works are 100% "manga", I would say. In that sense, none of it is realistic at all. But that's why it's possible to achieve poses and compositions that are impossible with photography, and that's why he can portray things I didn't even know I would want to see.

The position of women in Hellsing

Moderator: To all of you, was there a scene where you were like, "This scene right here is where I became obsessed"?

Ms J: So this is my personal taste, but I liked the setup of the handsome lady Master and the handsome male Servant. I like butlers, too. So once those three conditions were satisfied, I was like, "This is a good manga". The part where I was like "This is a really good manga" was when Anderson was introduced. At first, I was thinking this would be a story where Alucard dotes upon Seras and raises her up as a vampire, but then we were introduced to a Catholic priest from the same religion, yet who aims to defeat the protagonists...

Ms A: You can't deny the impact of Anderson. The only thing he wants to do is "exterminate vampires". While characters in Hellsing may undergo sudden changes, they never waver. They race from their introduction to their final chapter with just as much momentum as when they were first introduced. Not only is it satisfying to read, you won't be disappointed. As long as your favorite character appears, you can focus all your attentions on them, and before you know it you'll have binge-read to the last chapter. (laughs)

Ms T: For me, the scene when Integra discovers Alucard in the basement, and Alucard was revived with her blood is when I became hooked. While it is an expected development for vampire stories, that part of the story was very beautiful. And afterwards, I loved the tender portrayal of Seras's growth. Among ero-guro media, there are many works that portray women in a demeaning manner, but Hellsing is not one of them.

Ms A: In Hellsing, there is no distinction in the roles that are assigned to men and women.

Ms J: Indeed, women fight and stand on the front lines. And it feels natural.

Ms R: To tell the truth, when I first started reading Hellsing, I thought Integra was a man. And, for some reason it felt overly pandering [T/N: I assume she means pandering to fujoshi] and I just couldn't get into it. But then I realized Integra was a woman, and I was like "Oh, so it's a female/male master-servant relationship! I'm sorry for making such a weird assumption!" (laughs) I feel like it's important that Integra is a woman.

Ms T: In volume 1 there were moments where Integra was told incredulously, "You're a woman?", but in those moments I always felt that, ironically, being called a "woman" was what made her so much more cool. In Hellsing, you get the feeling that all characters are loved by the creator regardless of being male or female, enemy or ally. There are many standout characters among the villains, for example.

Ms J: Each character showcases their individuality in their fighting style as well.

Ms A: I love that Rip Van is this scrawny girl with long limbs, who wields an old-fashioned musket—it gives off a really fantastic impression. The fact that a girl is given that kind of position, without it feeling offensive. When men draw female characters there tends to be a bit of double standards going on, or it can feel cloying or annoying depending on the scenario, but I don't feel that in Hellsing.

Ms J: Far from being annoying, the depictions of women feel unique and cool in their own way.

Ms A: You're right. Traditionally, female characters are accompaniments to the hero, aren't they? But Integra takes the lead, and while Seras is supported by those around her, she moves according to her own choices. Even among the female villains, they are given important roles that they carry out to the end, so you can read while feeling a sense of satisfaction.

Points you would recommend to other women

Ms T: Doesn't the series in general have a sort of sensuality?

Ms J: It does. As it gets nearer and nearer to the endgame, even the fight scenes show more tenderness. It's like a "They love each other, therefore they trade blows" vibe that feels erotic.

Ms R: When Alucard returned to London in volume 8, it felt pretty romantic.

Ms T: On the other hand, the explanations about weapon specs that pop up everywhere seem very male-oriented. I guess this is what you call the author's hobby.

Ms J: Speaking of the author's hobby, I feel like the fact that Walter is an old man is one of them. If you think about it purely in terms of reader appeal, there should have been no problem if Walter was young from the beginning. I get the impression that he was like, "If you're going to add a butler, it better be an old geezer". Ahh—the more I reread, the more I feel like I discover new things.

Moderator: There is plenty more we weren't able to talk about, but to close us off, please appeal to the women who haven't read Hellsing yet as to why they should read the series.

Ms A: The female characters are so full of life, so why not give it a try mainly for the female characters?

Ms T: You can read it together with your boyfriend! There are lots of battles and weapons that guys would like, and there's no nasty relationship drama, so it might actually be a big hit among couples.

Ms J: "Look at Integra and Alucard, honey, they're just like us!" or something? (laughs)

Ms R: When you think of vampire media, you might be inclined to imagine something campy and whimsical. But even though there's a lot of absurdism at play, the world is based on real historical facts. So I want to recommend it broadly, even to those that don't normally enjoy fantasy.

Ms T: I feel like Hellsing is like a very strong liquor. At first you might feel that the taste is overwhelming, but once you get used to it, it becomes delicious.

Ms J: Please go in with zero expectations and give it a read.

Moderator: Thank you all for your time today!

--------------------------------------------------------

Link to the raw scans (which are not mine). Feel free to spread and repost my translation to other sites.

[yuseirra]

Commentary on Ai and Kamiki's character

I just can't shut up about them, can I? Since the new chapter will be dropping in just a few days from now (and I personally think there will be more reveals) this is probably going to be my last chance to discuss about them before things get clarified and set in stone once and for all (since we NEED to learn about just what HAS been going on about Ai's bf and his motives!! It's going to be shown to us in this final arc, right)

Here's how I feel about Ai/Kamiki as a character so far from all the things I've seen about them. Let's see how much of it will stand by the end of this manga(and/or the upcoming chapters)

I think they're well-written/would be well-written. I like how Ai's written for one thing, and Kamiki's past made a lot of sense to me, I think it can add on to something really interesting. I thought I got where it's going to get at.. that's why I've been drawing them so much since the latest chapter... hope I will be able to retain this interest and passion because having something to be excited and inspired about is a wonderful thing!

The following post was originally written in a different language and translated in bulk by ChatGPT! Thanks, ChatGPT..; you're a lifesaver

I wasn't meaning to translate these posts at first so that's why they weren't written in English but I feel it'd be such a waste to leave these.. I'd love to share it with everyone! 'v')9

There might be various changes when the next episode comes out... so if it's going to be uploaded, it seems right to do it now.

I'm writing a lot, like light writing (when I focus on something, I think about it a lot), and it might decrease or, depending on the situation, increase when the next episode comes out. There's nothing revealed yet, so I end up thinking a lot.

I think Ai is really a strong person. To survive in the entertainment industry, there must be so many things to think about. When I see that character, I think about those things. Although she has a soft side, she fundamentally seems like a character who lives really hard. Thinking about it, she was young herself, yet she protected her boyfriend and helped him escape from his abuser. She endured quite firmly under tremendous stress.

She's the type to bear everything alone... There are many things she endures, and in that situation, she worked hard to reach the top, and she wanted to be a good mother to her children. The most heartbreaking thing for me in this character's dialogue was when she said in her dying breath, "I wasn't a very good mother, but I still think it was good that I gave birth." That was so sad to me. I thought that was the saddest part. She had many thoughts. I noticed she thought she had to earn a lot to provide good education and conditions for her children. Middle school kids aren't necessarily shallow in thought, and while there's a range between people, I felt they were still serious and mature considering their age.

For a character like her, if she were in front of me, I would want to say that she's amazing and went through a lot of hardship. Before pointing out what she did wrong or lacked, I'd like to acknowledge that she lived with a lot of effort and loved those around her. Ai's efforts were not just for herself, but she had a rather humble character, and it seemed her motivation to strive was significantly for the happiness of those around her. Like when she wasn't sure if a dome concert was such a big deal but then thought it must be good since it was the president couple's dream, and she smiled along with them. For this character, what's important is resolving the curiosity about the lack in her heart, and achievements as an idol seemed secondary. That's why her saying she wanted to live with Kamiki and raise children together struck me, because for Ai, being an idol felt more like a means than an end. That doesn't mean she didn't try hard; she seemed like a responsible person who strives to meet expectations in her work.

Ai is a character who, through hard work, perseverance, and talent, eventually gets what she wants. Ai has a great curiosity and desire for areas she doesn't know well. She knows what she doesn't know but has the tenacity to not give up until the end. I think that's a strong aspect of her.

As for Kamiki, since it's unclear what his plans are at the current point in time (although I have a guess), if I were to describe the impression of him until just before he separated from Ai,

He's simply pitiful. He self-deprecatingly said that his relationship with Ai was one where he was unilaterally dependent on her. While he might have depended on her a lot, it seems Kamiki had to endure alone until the point they met. He grew up in such a broken situation that I don't even want to deeply think about what it must have been like... From what we see, it seems he wasn't just harmed by one person. Ai had President Ichigo at least worrying about her, and people to take care of her children when they were born, but Kamiki didn't seem to have a proper guardian at all. His exceptional looks might have made his situation even worse. He was just left alone in the world, and it wasn't just being alone, he had to endure all the malice and exploitation by himself.

You know how some adults appear in the movie arc, like Kaburagi and Kindaichi? This shows that the adults failed to protect the kids. The adults might have been busy with their own lives, but I don't think they can be entirely absolved of responsibility for the kids being in such situations.

Anyway, in that situation, Ai appeared to Kamiki, and I think Kamiki couldn't help but love Ai, who understood, accepted, and loved him more than anyone else. Ai also saved him. The fact that he sought help from someone only a year older than himself shows how vulnerable he was. It's just so heartbreaking. He must have liked Ai a lot... Fortunately, they connected emotionally, and Ai also liked him and wanted to help him. But Ai was powerless. Until just before she had her children, I think Ai tried her best in her own way. When Kamiki came to her, completely broken and crying, she took him in because she wanted to help him somehow.

But it’s sad that Ai couldn't even rely on her boyfriend... This really needs to be shown from Ai’s perspective too. She became Kamiki's emotional support, but it seems Kamiki couldn't do the same for her. However, I think Ai’s defensive nature also played a part... She absolutely didn't want to show weakness. She was a perfectionist. The others also played a part in this, as shown in the song IDOL. she was pressured by those around her to not forgive herself for not being perfect, so she couldn't let herself crumble or break down.

Still, Ai must have really liked her boyfriend. From the content of the video, it seems she was more worried about him getting better rather than feeling it was hard to help him. If she left a request to her children because she couldn't do it alone, that means she truly loved him. Asking her children for a personal favor about her boyfriend (even though he is biologically their father) shows that she was deeply concerned. (There’s a reason she left the request to her grown children; asking when they were young wouldn't have been fair, and adults are supposed to help children, not the other way around. For Ai, anything related to Kamiki was a lingering concern.)

I've drawn this couple a lot recently, not only because of Fatal being.. really obvious to me?? that it should be Kamiki's feelings and that it clicked and let EVERYTHING make sense but also because it’s confirmed that Ai loved Kamiki a lot too. Considering this, I think the storyline is not fully revealed yet. Kamiki is someone Ai desperately wanted to help, borrowing the strength of the protagonists, even. This is revealed not at the beginning but at the very end, indicating his significance. That must mean there are some things that we'll be able to find redeemable about him. Or at least, he must be a character who evokes a lot of sympathy.

Looking at this narrative, if Kamiki is willing to do anything for Ai, it makes a lot of sense. I was holding off on judging the depth of Ai's feelings until that video scene (you see how careful I'm about it in the analysis I've made about Ai), but it’s been clear that he was truly happy with her on his end. When I saw the lyrics for Fatal, I immediately knew it was from his perspective... it’s clear he has deep feelings about her. The emotions in the song matched, so I looked into the song's content, and it was quite unsettling, giving me the strong impression that he took a wrong path. His character was exactly as I thought, so I wasn’t surprised. He suits well with Ai. Isn't the younger version of him, really soft?? Ai isn’t the type to be dragged around. If she had a boyfriend who's younger than she was, she would have acted like a big sister. If he had been older, it might have had a different sort of dynamic, but at their first meeting, he was even smaller than Ai, so instead of her being swayed, I figured he'd have been the one drawn to her. Seeing Ai hide who the father of her children was, yet genuinely loving them purely, suggests that she wanted to protect him. Their relationship must have been good. The calls felt like Ai had the upper hand. However, you can't predict when someone will snap, so until his appearance, it was all speculation. But everything turned out as expected, along with the emotions they had regarding each other.

I don't know the current state of this character, but it feels like something significant has happened. Because of that, there's been a drastic change about him, but it's clear that this character really loves Ai. I keep mentioning it, but from the character's perspective, it couldn't have been any other way. So, I thought, "Wow... the writing was well done." The key point is how far Kamiki can go with such deep feelings and how it might become distorted, deviate, or turn into a mix of love and hate, depending on how it's handled.

At least, as the lyrics suggest, he loves her to the extent that he would do anything he can. I believe that has been made clear, so I think the development will inevitably go that way.

His past is just so miserable that I want to hug him and tell him he suffered a lot. Both him and Ai. And I want to arrange for them to be protected by adults who can give them lots of love and care in a clean, good environment. It’s no wonder Kamiki felt like there was no one in the world but him and Ai, which is such a sad situation... But there must be lonely kids like them out there. I hope those kids can receive the love they deserve.

I was actually a bit interested in the area of social welfare. However, it’s a very tough path, so I didn't dive so deep into it... While reading the manga, my thoughts wandered in that direction because the characters were in such vulnerable states. This sort of situation isn't 100% fiction.

I once did volunteer work in education, and honestly, the kids who have gone through tough times are much more mature and resilient than I am... They know things I don’t, and I believe that. But they are still young. It’s not about underestimating or dismissing them; at that age, they shouldn't be experiencing such things... It's an age when they should be receiving love.

In my opinion, the likelihood of major character inconsistencies or setting errors with the protagonist’s parents is quite low. The scenes they get are significant but short, so the characters are likely to come out as initially planned. And honestly, how cunning or wicked can two middle school kids be? This isn’t pure fantasy; the manga heavily borrows from reality. So, I liked how their past was revealed in this manner. The key is how things will unfold next, and it’s hard to predict completely.

When I first heard the song IDOL, I immediately thought, "Oh, this character is really struggling." (I mention this a lot but) I can't claim to understand everything since I haven't led such a turbulent life, but I still felt sorry for them. If I were in that character's position, I don't know if I could have lived as earnestly... However, when considering why the character made such choices, I can sense that it seems to come from their own efforts and concerns. Many situations arose consecutively, and I think Ai, as a character, tried her best within them.

And Kamiki is really something else. When he was breaking up with Ai, I didn’t mention much about what he heard, but Ai is really sharp. Even if she didn’t know what the consequences would be later, she said exactly what she needed to achieve her desired result (Kamiki leaving her). It wasn’t cursing, but the words were very cruel. I predicted that he wouldn’t be able to hold onto Ai when they broke up, even before the episode was revealed... LOL. But he ended up hearing such devastating words that he couldn't say anything back and was just left dumbfounded. Those words must have really hurt. I even felt emotionally wounded along with him! Ai is truly remarkable... When you watch the video, you can see that she really loved him, but to be able to say such things to someone she cared about... I don’t think I could do that because it would break my heart. As I mentioned when analyzing Ai, she just did what she thought was the best. She didn’t like herself very much, so it was more important to protect him from the burden of being with her than worrying about him hating her.

Kamiki, on the other hand, talked about those words to his son, saying, "Ai left me because she found out what I did, and it was natural and unavoidable." He has no anger. His self-esteem is very low, and he feels very sad. Although he mentioned that Ai had selfish and cruel sides, the first thing he feels is self-loathing... He believes it was natural to be abandoned, and he thinks he has never been loved by anyone. There’s a scene where he is walking hand-in-hand with Ai, looking so happy, and it’s described as if just being with her made him feel like he could overcome anything. But he accepts that she thought of him that way, which is so pitiful, isn’t it?

Would a character in such a state try to harm Ai? I don’t think so. If he were going to be angry, it would have been then. But I think both Ai and Kamiki knew that he wouldn’t retaliate even after hearing such words. This shows their personalities very well. When Ai said they should break up, he's able to suggest that they get married, this character... has no pride when it comes to Ai... It’s pitiful. He must have been like that in the payphone call too. It’s obvious that he wanted to meet again, saying he “clung on.” People say clinging isn’t attractive, but it seems he did so timidly. He probably couldn’t even speak firmly, and when Ai said no, he was likely left speechless again.

What happened to make him like how he is now? (But if you look at his lines, it doesn’t seem like he changed that much. He still says, "Because of me, because of me," in front of that dying actor. He blames himself for what's happened, and I wonder how it happened) I think this character needs to see a psychiatrist. He seems extremely depressed. It’s not a fair comparison, but his self-destructive behavior feels even worse than Aqua’s, and it’s understandable... Aqua still has people who love him, but this person!! He really has no one!!

Seeing the video of Ai and being so shocked... yeah, it's totally a natural reaction for him. He really didn't realize that Ai loved him in the SLIGHTEST. But if we consider whether it was Kamiki's fault that he didn't know, I don't think it was. Aqua showed the video as part of his revenge, but although Kamiki's heart must have been torn and he felt like dying... did he really do something deserving of revenge? I say that’s actually questionable. If he had killed Ai, then "revenge" would make sense, but it seems like he contributed less to her death than what he even told Aqua. Now that he knows he was loved all along, it will be interesting to see what kind of reaction comes out. Sigh.. so they had mutual feelings towards each other, so it's good, right? Their lives have been so unfortunate. Depending on what Kamiki did in the middle, it might determine whether he deserves such harsh words, but for now, that's my impression.

These two characters seem to be well-written (from a constructed perspective). Ai is really well-written, and Kamiki seems that way too. The chance for them to be happy together disappeared with Ai's death... who knows what will happen next...

Songs like "Mephisto" or "Fatal" really seem fitting. That's why I think those songs are related to Kamiki... the lyrics are so intriguing, so there must be something there.

I hope it all ends well.

[annabelle--cane]

i kind of assumed most of those posts about teens not understanding computers was not talking abt the 16-20 range but instead the 12-15 range

I would agree were it not for the fact that all of the posts I'm thinking about specify that they're talking about everyone under twenty, all gen z, or all middle-through-high schoolers. I've seen a few people go younger and say "no one under thirteen uses computers," but to that I say, did you, older person, regularly a computer before you were thirteen? a lot of young people don't have their own computers before that age because they don't regularly need to type long essays for school or write their own emails. I've already gotten a few younger teens on my posts saying they'd love to use computers more often but they need to wait until their parents get them their own and until then it's either their phones or computers at school and the library. for a lot of people, computers are a somewhat dangerous but very useful tool that you only get when you reach a certain age.

[deedala]

🍃w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🍃

thank you to @energievie for writing the game this week and thanks for tagging me!! also thanks for tagging me for this and also for the pinterest game which im putting down below @lingy910y @gallapiech @suzy-queued @creepkinginc @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @crossmydna @jrooc @heymacy @wehangout @mybrainismelted @xninetiestrendx @heymrspatel XOXOXO all of you 💖💖💖

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged

Location: ooohiooo

And now...

What is your DJ name? i dunno, when i worked in college radio it was something about a fish... okay wait yes, lets go with DJ Fishy 🙃

If you were a genre of music, what would it be? whatever chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess is

What would you title your biography? Wellp

What are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? i like this idea of sneaking onto expensive modes of transportation. i would do that assuming i had no where else to be and no responsibilities to see to 😆 and i would also rob rich people... and maybe i would go for walks int he middle of the night by myself and feel safe lol

What subject do you wish was taught in every school?  all the important money and personal finance basics that they used to teach but then stopped because it made it easier to prey on adults who didnt know how to manage their credit and debt or do their taxes correctly 😜

When was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it?  uuhhh...the only thing i can think of right now is a lavender flavored matcha drink that was recommended a few months ago? ive gotten it again a few times (including today!) and its very good. im so happy i know what lavender tastes like now 😆

What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?  this is very hard...i dont even really know how to know how most cities are rated anyway?? i feel like all the cities ive been to and loved are pretty universally rated highly lol. uhhhhh...i dunno.. Heidelberg, Germany? Luxembourg City? one of those.

What day in your life would you like to relive? uuhh i dunno, im going with wedding day because i barely remember any of it, it was such a blur. i would be less responsible and have more fun 😅

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?  i really love sleeping and going to bed and falling asleep. but i hate waking up and i hate losing the time to unconsciousness. so if i could stay alive and not be tired and never sleep that would be so cool.

How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?  i like to think i could last pretty long because i am a huge wimp and have great Nope It's Time To Go instincts. Also im good at climbing.

What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? uuhhh backwards time travel

If you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? puget sound with the olympic mountain range in the distance

☀️pinterest tag game☀️

i was tagged to do this pinterest game where you search Fashion, Pantone, Mood, and Food and post the first pin from each of the search results. gotta be honest buddies i dont really use pinterest very often and when i do its for random photo references sooooo...

x x x x

i do not know what is happening with that outfit. that is not really a color i would pick but its fine? the mood is pretty but looks kind of melancholy. that last photo though??? oh my god let me climb into there i wanna sit in the cozy rustic kitchen and eat pastries pleaaaaassseeeee!!!!!!

and now to tag in more folks to play either or both of these games!! 💖💖 @michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @the-rat-wins @lee-ow @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @transmickey @burninface @loftec @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sam-loves-seb @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @rereadanon @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @themarchg1rl @callivich @softmick @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @spookygingerr @spoonfulstar @steorie @whatwouldmickeydo @burninface

[toomanythoughts2]

Dethklok Agere HCs: Murderface Edition

🗡️🎸🖕🤬🪖👨‍🚒🍺🤮💩💢🏌️‍♂️🐯🌭🍨📱⚔️🛡️🏹⛓️🩸🚽🚬

After Toki, I wanted to do my second favorite member of Dethklok: Murderface! I see so much of myself in him and it's hard to not notice the signs. He means a lot to me, especially as someone who also grew up with their grandparents. I hope to do the rest of the band soon. So, this is my boy Murderface 🗡️!

Everything is below the Keep Reading tab.

(Murderface, you are so unwell and I just want to take care of you and show you that you are worthy of love and acceptance.)

🗡️ Ok, so, I think Murderface's regression range is higher than Toki's toddler head-space but not as old as Pickles, who I think is an older/pre-teen regressor. I would say he's around 5 to 8. He's old enough to be by himself and play but small enough to still need help occasionally.

🗡️ As I said before on Toki's post, I don't think Murderface's regression is easily as recognizable as regression. A lot of times, the band thinks he's just being his attention-seeking self. Murderface doesn't even recognize that he's regressing until he's done regressing and feeling weird about it.

🗡️ Murderface, I believe, has voluntary age regression, or Age Dreaming. However, I think his body recognizes that he needs to regress to decompress, so he'll naturally go do those things or behave that way to help regulate those emotions. It gets worse the angrier or more depressed he gets. It's like his body is consciously making him regress without Murderface having the word to know what he's doing. He can stop "regressing" when he wants to, and has the ability to not do it in the first place, but it's been his coping mechanism for so long, he doesn't know what else to do. Mind this, Murderface's regression isn't about just being a baby, I do believe his regression is tightly connected with his self-harm and child-hood trauma. For instance, his inability to care for his personal hygiene is a type of passive self-harm but his regression (tied to his childhood) makes it hard for him to change that habit. Where Toki uses his regression to protect himself, Murderface's regression keeps him trap in his childhood. It won't be until Murderface recognizes he is regressing and working on his mental health will he be able to use his regression to help himself. (I hope this makes sense.)

🗡️ I think he started regressing a lot earlier than people think but they were just unable to identify it at first. I think he began regressing as young as a middle schooler, but the regressing was so minute and so insignificant that no one ever caught it. Additionally, I think middle school is where Murderface first develops the majority of his mental health issues like depression and an eating disorder.

🗡️ It's not until Murderface is taking care of Toki when he regresses that he starts noticing the signs of his own regression. The band all have group mandatory meetings with Dr. Twinkletits about how to best care for Toki and how to spot the signs of his regression to minimize dangerous situations. Murderface is very quiet during those meetings after the realization.

🗡️ While Pickles or Nathan are usually the more knowledge in the topic now, as they are Toki's main CGs, it's Skwisgaar that notices Murderface showing signs of regression first while watching Toki play with Murderface in the living room. He's talks to the rest of the band before they decide to talk to Murderface about it.

🗡️ Of course he heavily denies the claim and refuses to hear anymore about it. But now that the band is aware, they all keep an eye on him just in case.

🗡️ This is a HC of mine that has been stuck forever, but I believe the first time Murderface fully lets himself regress in front of the others is at the beach. The idea is that Toki and Murderface run off together while the other three stay on the beach. Toki regresses and Murderface is stuck taking care of him but the longer he's with him, the calmer he gets. He wants to be like Toki too and just enjoy himself. So they spend the afternoon having fun and going in shops and walking the boardwalk. They come back and Toki collapses on Skwisgaar for a much needed nap. The band fully expects Murderface to sit in his own chair and do the same but he ends up just standing next to Pickles. Pickles has no idea what he's doing but he longer he stands there, the clearer the image appears. It isn't until Murderface asks if he can nap with Pickles do they all realize what is happening. It's a very delicate situation and no one is trying to mess with it, so Pickles says yes and lets Murderface nap with him on his chair. Nathan is busy texting Charles while Pickle holds Murderface. Toki is fast asleep and Skwisgaar is feeling proud of himself for being so observant.

🗡️ Once Murderface was identified as a regressor, a lot of past incidents began to make sense, including the disturbing ones.

🗡️ Murderface self-harms but that doesn't stop in his regression. If Murderface is feeling too little to SH "properly" (like cutting), he will hurt himself in ways that he can like banging his head against walls and hitting himself. He will bite himself and scratch at his skin. Nathan has taken to holding him against his chest to get him to stop.

🗡️ I like to think that Murderface's eating disorder, which I HC as binge eating, is also related to his childhood trauma thus connected to his regression. The combination of self-hatred, depression, and regression make it hard for Murderface to regulate his feelings about food, so he does what knows can "fix" that problem, which is eating. And the more upset he gets, the messier he gets. He uses his hands instead of silverware, he switches between plates before finishing one off, he lets the food and drink spill and stain him. I HC that Murderface grew up in poverty, so there was never enough food inside the house, so he was always hungry. He's confusing his depression with hunger, thinking that if he just eats, he'll feel better because he was always hungry when he was sad. But the older he got, the less this became true but the habit already formed. Regression happens while he's in the process of binge eating. He's slipping into a mindset where this has to make sense, even if it hurts him.

🗡️ Ok, enough of the sad, backstory HCS. Murderface has a hot wheels car track that he sets up in his room or the living room where he races his hot wheels. The others join in as well and it's a good time (as long as Murderface wins a majority of the time).

🗡️ Murderface's regression is not as "baby" as Toki's. A lot of it is very typical young boy interests like cars, trucks, war, and guns. He likes video games and stupid, crude humor like South Park.

🗡️ I don't see him using a lot of traditional regression supplies like bottles or clothes. He likes to remain as he his and doing what he's doing while regressed. Though, he does like to be in comfier clothes when he regresses, so he will change into sweats or worn shirts.

🗡️ Because Murderface is able to identify that he is choosing to regress in moments of stress, he's been able to make great work with Dr. Twinkletits about his mental health.

🗡️ The band is very supportive of him, much to his surprise. He didn't think they would be anything but begrudgingly helpful. But they are genuinely understanding.

🗡️ While I do not think Murderface needs or wants a caregiver like Toki, he does spend a lot of time near Nathan when he feels particularly small. He looks up to Nathan a lot, and wants to be around him.

🗡️ If Pickles notices that Murderface is feeling smaller than normal, he'll quietly switch a few things around to help him drop. He's gotten very good at body language (hand on the back, raking fingers through his hair) and communication (chosen phrases or names that solidify his regression, words of encouragement)

🗡️ Murderface has a lot of crying spells and tantrums that no one can make a lot of sense of, including Murderface. His tantrums aren't like Toki's, which resemble an actual toddlers tantrum. His tantrums look like his normal behavior, except they're followed by tears or a high level of nonsense. His biggest tell is if what he's yelling about isn't even close to the situation he's in. When he's small, he overthinks every little movement or word and worry's about what they mean. These thoughts happen so fast that it's hard for him to track just how he got to his tantrum in the first place.

🗡️ Murderface won't take bubble baths like Toki, but he is much more willing to bathe now that he understands his regression and his depression. He'll put on music while he showers and watch youtube videos on how to take care of his hair. He's still scared that if the band sees him trying they'll make fun of him, but he has to remind himself that this is for himself, not the others.

🗡️ Skwisgaar will often offer to brush through Murderface's hair before bed if he knows he's had a long day. Something about being taken cared of just relaxes Murderface and makes him feel small.

🗡️ Surprisingly, no one in the band is Murderface's favorite. It's actually Knubbler. (He's alive, shut up.)

🗡️ He's an IPad kid (Obviously) but its obnoxiously worse when he's regressed. Pickles as gotten really good at parent locking his IPad to certain hours so he won't use it while they're eating dinner or lunch. Murderface despises it but he also knows if it wasn't there, he would be playing car revving videos at 100% volume while eating.

🗡️ Skwisgaar is very attentive when he wants to be, so he's constantly gently doing things that make Murderface drop without necessarily meaning to, but Murderface never forces himself to stop the feeling. Toki needs a lot of support in his regression, so Skwisgaar naturally does those "Caregiver" things already. Like, cleaning dirty fingers after eating, moving hair out of his face while he's busy doing something, fixing blankets around shoulders, gently moving them int he right direction if he begins drifting away. Murderface doesn't encourage them but he never denies them.

🗡️ Toki adores it whenever any of the other band members are regressed because he feels like he can finally give back after having them all take care of him. He loves playing with Murderface with his cars or playing pretend. Problems happen when Toki accidently regresses in the middle of it.

🗡️ Murderface loves playing pretend war. He has his wake guns with the nerf bullets and the plastic hat. He hides under tables and behind doors and shoots whoever walks by. He's only ever gotten in serious trouble when he got Charles in the butt in his office when he was on a phone call.

🗡️ Speaking of trouble, Murderface does get into some trouble when he's small. The band does not discipline him like they would discipline Toki with a time out, but Nathan does scold him. He's the only one that gets to him when he's small and knows that he's serious.

🗡️ He wants a dog so bad but he's scared the guys won't let him. Skwisgaar and Toki will take him to the local animal shelter to play volunteer. It lets him get all his energy out with the dogs and play fight with the bigger dogs.

🗡️ He will NOT sit a chair correctly. Upside down or on his side ONLY! (Projection as I laid in arm chairs sideways during this age.)

🗡️ He loves He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword, TMNT, G.I.Joe, M.A.S.H., Ghost Buster The Animated Show, Thundercats, and Transformers. He's got good taste for older cartoons and shows. It's his biggest tell that he's small or trying to get small is if he's watching one of these shows. However, if he's watching Gilligan's Island or Walker: Texas Ranger, he's trying to get small and be sad. I HC that these are the shows his grandma and grandad would watch when he was a kid.

🗡️ As a child raising by her grandparents, I think Murderface's regression triggers are related to a lot of things that his grandparents did in the house. This could mean the good, the bad, and mundane things. The snapping of a belt, or an expired discontinued perfume, or the sound of an old TV clicker. But also, certain music.

🗡️ So, Murderface is canonically partially Native American (Thunderbolt) but I also adore him being part Hispanic/Latino (Stella being an Americanized version of Estella) Top that off with him being some southern, rural part of America, his music exposure is all over the place. Three types of music help him regress the most: Bluegrass, Hispanic (Salsa + Cumbia + Bachata), and Thrash. I HC that his grandfather played bluegrass before having his stroke and he played some type of string instrument such as lap steel guitar or a mandolin. The sound of it reminds him of sitting in church or his grandfather playing in his spare time around the house. Hispanic, specifically those genres, remind him of his grandmother's radio in the kitchen. She always had something playing while she cooked or cleaned or played dominos with the other older women of the town. On very rare moments, she would dance with Thunderbolt while smiling. It's some of the only calm times in the house. Thrash reminds him of being young and finding music that felt like him. It would remind him of car rides with uncles and staying over at old childhood friends houses and older male cousins that never let him in their rooms. Music helps him regress a lot, whether he wants it or not. (This is all projection btw. Grandfather played bluegrass with a guitar and my father listened to Thrash in the car with me.)

🗡️ He has a very hard time with food when he's small. He eats too much because of part of him is worried about the next time he'll ever get to eat again. Pickles has to constantly remind him that the food isn't going anywhere and if he's full, he can stop eating.

🗡️ Nathan humors Murderface more when he knows he's small. He'll listen more closely to him about song suggestions or his interests.

🗡️ Very rarely will he ask for help when he's small but it does happen. Things like needing help tying shoes or buttoning shirts he will need help in. He also needs help cutting food.

🗡️ He loves swimming. He probably had a lake, river, or pond near him growing up that he swam in. When he's small and it's hot, he wants to play in the pool. He wants to play sharks and minnows, Marco Polo, scavenger, races, and dunking games. He plays with Toki the most but can occasionally get them all involved. Charles usually watches over them all when they do all get in.

🗡️ Hates sunscreen and will run and hide before getting any on his skin.

🗡️ He info dumps big time. To a point where no one has any idea what he could possibly be talking about. He's a big history nerd, so it's a lot of war facts, early American facts, and other miscellaneous facts about cars and guns.

🗡️ Being regressed exposes a lot of his old childhood beliefs, but the biggest ones are the Appalachian superstitions he grew up believing. Charles had an upside down horseshoe places above every outside door for good luck. The klokateers can't wash clothes on Sundays. He refuses to leave a room out a different door than the door he came through. Some of them are funny though like an itchy ear meaning someone is talking about you. He once told that to Toki who immediately went to Skwisgaar to confront him for talking about him. (Skwisgaar was actually talk about him to Nathan but he won't admit it.)

🗡️ Strong physical contact is his best friend for calming down. Just like how adult Murderface likes Pickle's back rubs, regressed Murderface likes head rubs. Something about the pressure feels good and calms him. They use this to prevent any tantrums.

🗡️🎸🖕🤬🪖👨‍🚒🍺🤮💩💢🏌️‍♂️🐯🌭🍨📱⚔️🛡️🏹⛓️🩸🚽🚬

That's all I got for my boy! He is a bit of a challenge, but once I got into his boyish mind, I could really channel him better. I love him so much. Obvi, if you have any HCs of your own, tell me about them! OK, love you, bye! 👋