#And I know it's because I didn't take my meds the last two days (ran out and was out late so I just got em today)

[the-cooler-king]

Yall remember that post that goes like "I told my friend once that when I feel like I'm losing my mind I lay under my desk for a while. One such time I go under there and there is a slim Jim taped to the bottom of my desk with the note, "going insane all alone again?"" I think about it constantly especially when I am going insane

[reiderwriter]

Please Accept My Apology

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: After three days spent trying to convince the BAU that they had made a mistake, Spencer Reid shows up at your door to offer his apology.

Warnings: enemies to lovers, smut 18+ minors dni, slight age gap, penetrative sex, squirting, fingering, dirty talk, name calling, degradation, hints of bdsm, implied creampie etc.

You can find my masterlist here and my 2024 song fic challenge here (don't forget to send song recommendations to my inbox!)

You never thought you'd ever see the inside of an interrogation room before this week. Now you didn't think you'd ever see the outside of it.

“Y/N, you're brother ran from law enforcement multiple times, if you know where he is you need to tell us or you'll be charged with accessory to murder and kidnapping after the fact. Is that what you want?”

“Of course it isn't what I want, but I already told you I can't fucking help you!”

You paced in the boxed room, feeling closed in and hot.

Your brother - your innocent brother - was the key suspect in a series of child abductions and murders, and as he'd ran from law enforcement multiple times, they'd dragged you into the police precinct to try to track him down.

For the last three days, you'd been stuck sitting at that table across from Doctor Spencer Reid, waiting for the worst news of your life, because you knew it was coming.

“He's not a murderer. He's mentally ill, but he wouldn't hurt anyone. I keep telling you that, why won't you believe me?”

“A lot of loved ones protest a suspect's innocence, right down to the last second.” You couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up from the depth of your chest.

“My brother is schizophrenic. He was violent before, sure, he had outbursts. But he has been monitoring his meds for the last three years perfectly. He has a job, he has a son. He would not hurt those kids.”

You had always looked up to your elder brother, even through the tough years.

He'd inherited both your fathers drinking problem and your mother's mental illness, each demon feeding the other until he had a breakdown at age 19.

You were only 17 yourself, but with no one else to hold him accountable, you'd been there. You'd checked him into a facility, you drove him to each of his doctor's appointments when he was clean. You'd been around for each sober anniversary, for each birthday and holiday and celebration that he'd made it one more year without falling into himself.

He'd reciprocated by being the most reliable man you knew. He helped put you through college when he was stable enough, he'd managed to work his way up in the ranks at his construction job. He had a beautiful wife (currently in another interrogation room with another agent) and the cutest little boy.

He'd promised you that your family struggles would end with the two of you. You'd promised each other to take care of each others families if anything happened to them in the future, and while you currently had no family to speak of, you sure as hell were going to make sure that your nephew never wanted for anything in his life.

Your brother wasn't a murderer, and you had proof enough.

“You know, you haven't asked me yet why I think he's innocent.” You took your seat again, and gathered your hands together on the table, leaning in closer to the agent in front of you.

You watched him think for a second, then mirror your pose, leaning in just as close, eyes locked with yours.

You'd talked about a lot of things these past three days, and you got the idea that he was a bit of a jackass. If not a jackass, then at least big-headed; he'd practically shouted his title of Doctor at you as he'd walked in, and made sure to correct you every time you'd called him agent or sir.

You kept doing it just to piss him off eventually.

“It's denial, Miss Y/L/N. You don't want to see the signs you'd ignored for that lingered, so you beg and protest and plead, hoping that eventually you'll turn out to be correct.” His voice was low, but you caught every word.

“While I am sure you know what you're talking about Agent Reid, that is not why I'm here still. I'm not being charged with a crime, and I've been here much longer than 24 hours. I'm free to go at any point, but I'm sticking around here, lawyer free, because I want to watch your face when you realise you'd been wrong this entire time.”

He shifted uncomfortably and you smiled, happy to get under his skin once again.

“Okay, Miss Y/L/N. What makes you so sure your brother is innocent?”

“Your profile.” His eyes slightly widened at that, and you basked in it, leaning back and waiting for him to take the bait as the tide turned in your conversation.

“We profiled that our unsub would be late 20s to early 30s, probably a family man who'd likely been abused as a child. The profile also suggested he may have had a psychotic break recently, likely as a result of coming off his meds. Your brother fits the profile, Y/N.”

He'd dug his own grave, and you were happy to see him getting ready to sleep in it too.

“No, he doesn't, Agent.”

A tense silence passed between you, and you knew his gaze was fixed on you. You let your eyes dart elsewhere, rolling down his body to his hands. They were totally still of course, but you could see how tense he was by the way he pushed them flat against the table, almost as if he were trying to ground himself, finding reassurance in the pressure.

“How does he not fit the profile?” His brows were knitted together, and his expression was one of annoyance now.

No matter how much you had shouted or let out your frustrations these past few days, he'd kept a placid look of sympathy plastered across his features. He hadn't listened, or even suggested he'd wanted to, assuming your brother was guilty.

Now he was annoyed, as if he had the right.

“Despite what your records supposedly tell you, my brother is not off his meds.”

“Miss Y/L/N, we know that your brother did not refill his prescription three months ago, and that he looked into some clinical trials in the metropolitan area and was rejected.”

“Congratulations for having 50% of the facts. My brother wasn't rejected from those trials, he withdrew because they changed the terms. They wanted to study my nephew as well to see if they could predict where hereditary cases of Schizophrenia would manifest.”

You leaned in again now, enjoying watching the thoughts rush through Spencer Reid's head once again.

“His health insurance had some issues after the withdrawal, so his prescription couldn't be filled until next week, but my brother always had six months of pills delivered.”

You watched the realisation come crashing down on the agent in front of you, though he was doing a good job of keeping himself out together.

It was time to end this conversation.

“To take part in the clinical trial, he needed to stop taking his regular medication for two weeks. Meaning he has two more weeks of his regular medication. I watched him take it Monday morning, right about when your second kidnapping occurred. My sister-in-law will confirm.”

He stood from his chair slowly and nodded at you, making his way to the door.

“And Agent Reid?” You said making sure to hold his attention one last time before he could leave. “If anything happens to my brother, I will hold you responsible.”

He slipped from the room without another word, and you relaxed into the chair, letting your eyes fall shut as you waited patiently.

Xxx

It was another week before your brother was totally cleared. He'd turned himself into law enforcement the same day you'd forced the BAU to reevaluate their profile, and both he and his wife had cracked up your story.

With nothing else to distract them, you'd been happily informed that they'd caught the actual perpetrator, and saved another victim.

You were back at home now, trying to relax, to get back on track.

You knew by the knock on the door that you weren't going to get back to your normal routine just yet.

“Agent Reid, I wasn't expecting you.” He was there at your door, and you had to brush off a wave of annoyance, forcing yourself not to slam the thing in his goddamn face.

“It's Doctor Reid. You know that, though.” He mumbled the words, jaw tense as he heaved out a sigh, trying to get to his point but being distracted by your prickly words.

“I came to talk. May I come inside?”

“We talked for three days straight, Doc. What else could we possibly need to discuss?” You made sure to block the door with your body, one arm resting on the doorframe as you leant across it, the other holding the door tightly next to you.

You thought he'd get the idea, tuck his tail between his legs, and swiftly leave you alone, but you were sadly mistaken.

Instead his eyes raked over your body as you put it on display, curiously exploring every inch you put in his eyeline.

“May I come in?” He repeated, eyes still trailing down your body. If it weren't for the heat building inside of you, you'd have slammed the door in his face. A moment's hesitation was all you got instead, as he locked eyes with you again, and you reluctantly moved an inch to the side.

You stayed there in the doorway even as he entered, his body brushing against yours almost intimately for the second, his hand faintly tracing over your hip as he stepped inside, watching you all the time.

Needing desperately to gain your composure back, you jumped into asking questions. “You're in now. What do you want?”

“I wanted to apologise.” He hadn't moved far into the apartment, and you realised aa soon as you turned away from locking the door, overestimating his distance. You spun right into his arms, one of his palms coming to your waist to steady you as the other steadied the two of you against the wall.

“And whatever would the wonderful Doctor Reid need to apologise for?”

Your words were venomous, but the heat in them rose from somewhere deeper than the acid in your stomach, somewhere more fiery than the burning sensation at the back of your throat.

“I'm trying to do the right thing here, Y/N.”

“After a week of doing the wrong thing, Spencer, I'm not sure you're fully capable of that.”

His brows furrowed as he pouted, and you hated his proximity, both too close and too far at the same time. You wanted to run him apart, and then delicately sew him back together.

“I was doing my job.”

“You almost got my brother killed.”

“I'm sorry.” He heaved out an exasperated breath with the words, body relaxing and pushing your back fully against the wall. His eyes widened, and you could tell that he hadn't meant to move you in that way, but you just stared at him still, eyes flicking down to his lips with every intrusive thought.

This was how close you needed him.

“I don't give a shit if you're sorry.” You meant the words to be harsh a warning, but you hadn't realised your heartbeat bursting from your throat, your breathy gasps for air making it sound more erotic than angry.

He blinked once, then twice, slowly as if he was a scientist observing an experiment, not wanting to take his eyes off of it until he was certain something wouldn't happen.

“You're enjoying this.”

“I'm not.”

“Your heart rate is at 127 bpm, your pupils are dilated, your breathing is shallow. You're enjoying this. Why?”

His hands didn't let up, even as he shot out his words, brows furrowing further as you resisted the urge to push him away.

It was more comfortable keeping him close.

“I told you I am not enjoying this. You're just too close.”

“So, you're having a physical reaction to me?” He asked, almost quizzically. You had expected to hear a triumphant smirk or something in his voice, but he seemed genuinely curious.

“For God's sake, Spencer, yes. Yes, you're close and it's making me uncomfortable. You spent three days making me feel uncomfortable, and now you've come back for round two, are you happy now?”

“You're not uncomfortable,” he shot out again, almost as if he couldn't stop the words from spilling out. “You're aroused.”

“Know it all.” He laughed at that, and you could feel the heat in your cheeks. You weren't sure what the hell was going on with your body, because you'd spent the week despising the man in front of you, but now a simple hand on your wrist and a laugh had you blushing like a schoolgirl.

“So what if I am aroused? You're touching me, you have me pinned against the wall, really this is your fault, Agent.”

“It's Doctor, but you can call me Spencer. Or you can go back to another colourful insult if you'd prefer?”

“You're pretty full of yourself, I thought you came to apologise.”

“I did, it's not exactly me that is acting like they want to be filled right now though.”

“Jackass,” you snapped, as he lowered his hand around to cup your ass, finally allowing himself a tiny hint at the smirk you'd predicted earlier.

You gasped as he took a handful of your ass and pulled you flush against him.

“I want to say sorry, I want to make it up to you. I'm being quite charitable here.”

“Charity, my dear Doctor, is where you give something and expect nothing in return. It seems like you want something in return.” You spat the words again but you let your hands press lightly against his chest, waiting for him to make the next move as you played with the buttons of his shirt.

“I'd be more than happy to do that, too.”

You weren't sure who reached for who, or which one of you made the first push, but you were suddenly joined together by your lips, each of you battling furiously for dominance.

Your hands pushed up desperately, clawing into his long, busy strands and pulling him down further into you as you worked against him.

He was still stronger than you though, so when he forced your head back an inch, you moved out of necessity.

“Is that enough, or should I keep apologising?”

“Nowhere near enough, jacka-” he cut you off by pushing the tip of his thumb into your mouth, using one of his legs to spread yours so he could nuzzle himself between them.

“Why so quiet now? We couldn't shut you up in those interrogation rooms, but now you're so polite and obedient.” You moaned around his thumb as he stroked your tongue, encouraging you to suck it.

You didn't need much instruction, desperate now to show off your superior skills to the man in front of you.

“That's it, show me how much you want it, my little whore.”

His hand slipped into your pants quietly, but you twitched as his hands feathered their way along your pelvic bone, twitching at the sensitivity of the connection.

His hands slipped into your panties and you knew immediately it was over for you. You were so wet, and he was going to be able to tell just how much you apparently wanted him.

You moaned as he roughly pushed your pants down, finger teasing your cunt through your panties as you still struggled to suck his thumb so you didn't make any louder noises.

“You're enjoying this.” It was no longer a question, but a confident statement, no curiosity but simple satisfaction at how good he was making you feel.

He pulled his thumb from your mouth, rubbing some saliva across your lips to make them shine before he turned you around and pushed you up against the wall. Your hands barely pushed out in from of you before your chest collided with the wall, and he was close behind you.

As he coaxed your panties down your legs, you closed your eyes and tried to keep your breathing steady, desperately clinging to some high ground where you could find it.

His fingers were hot and long, and they quickly found your clit and got to work as he ground his hard cock against your bare ass.

His pants were still on, but you could feel the outline of his dick against you, hips rutting back into him with each flick of his wrist.

“Now, come on Y/N. You said it's not charity if I receive something in return, right?” He whispered into your ear as you tried to reach behind you to grab his dick.

“We're going to take this nice and slow, and you're going to enjoy all of it.”

His fingers slowed to an aching pace as he finally pushed a first digit inside of you. His hips finished moving and his free hand held you still too, so the only friction was coming from that one hand between your legs, practically edging you.

“Fuck me, just fuck me Spencer.” You moaned in frustration.

“Doctor.” He whispered in your ear, the glee in his voice igniting your hatred of him all over again.

“What?” You spat out.

“Call me Doctor Reid, and I'll give you anything you want. You want to cum, right?”

His fingers kept their slow pace, and you could feel yourself growing more impatient, even as you grit your teeth together.

“Fuck me, Doctor Reid.”

“What about please?”

“Fuck you.” You instantly regretted your words when he pulled his hands off your body completely, retreating further into your house.

“No, shit, wait.-”

You scrambled after him as he took a seat on your couch, removing his jacket and loosening his already dishevelled tie.

“What do you want, Y/N?” He asked, palming himself through his pants as he watched you practically fall at his feet, needing his hands back on you.

“I want you to f-fuck me, please Doctor Reid.” He nodded slightly, pulling your remaining clothing off as he responded.

“That's a good little slut.” He led your hand over his cock and let you undo the buttons and pull him out. You needed no other instructions as he leaned back and pulled your legs into a firmer position.

You gave his cock a few strokes before lifting your hips and sinking back down onto him.

“So fucking wet for me, you were so aroused, baby.”

He didn't let you control the pace, but held your hips still just above him as he began pushing into you from below, lifting his hips to fill you up with each thrust.

You couldn't bite back the screams as his balls slapped against you, Spencer trying his best to fit his entire length into you with each deep thrust. You wanted to kill the man only an hour earlier, and now you were sure you wanted to have him inside you like this forever.

“Oh fuck, just like that, just like that Spencer please!”

Your hand drifted down to your cunt and you're began to rub feverishly, even as you felt the pressure build up from your gut.

The pressure was almost unbearable and before you knew it you were squirting on his cock, fingers splashing wave after wave of your arousal over his cock and clothes.

“Already squirting for me? I thought you didn't want anything to do with me, Y/N. I guess you are just a little whore.”

You twitched, but couldn't respond, as he began thrusting sloppier than ever before, grunting in your ear as he finally joined you in your mess.

His grip on your hip slipped as he finally started cumning, and you moaned feeling him so deep as he gathered you in his arms and pulled you chest to chest.

You sat there panting together for an eternity before you even thought about detangling your limbs from one another.

“You made a mess of my fucking sofa.” You said as you finally rose up slightly, looking down at the mess beneath you.

“No, Y/N, that was you. I simply helped.”

“Jackass.”

“Whore.”

You gasped as he laughed at you again, pulling your hips back down over his so you couldn't slide off his cock again.

“Don't act so scandalised when I can feel just how much that turned you on. You're enjoying this.”

You pouted a little, but let your head fall back against his chest.

“And what if I am, Agent Reid?”

[in1-nutshell]

You know what

I do want fearless Buddy and Megs to go to tfp.

I want one of those little portals to open up during poetry club and Buddy just to accept their fate and let the portal take them, Megatron is less accepting of getting dragged through said portal but he has no choice.

I want Team Prime to not even be surprised at this point, and Optimus is already trying to calm down Agent Fowler because WHY IS MEGATRON NOW IN OUR BASE!?

I want there to not even  be a few days of peace before everything hits the fan.  

The Decepticons have Team Prime on their back foot.  There's no other choice.  Time to send in their own Megs.

And for convenience I shall be referring to Mtmte as Megs and Tfp as Megatron.

Megatron's shock of getting punched by himself doesn't last long and the fight between the two is evenly matched.  But Megs is older, tired, weaker.  Megatron starts to get the advantage.  Megs is on his back, Megatron's fusion cannon aiming right at his spark.

And then Buddy comes along.

Yep, With all the autobots out, Megs running to punch himself in the face, and Ratchet manning the ground bridge controls, there was no one to keep an eye out for Buddy and Miko as they immediately ran through the ground bridge, and poor Jack and Raf following just to keep an eye on them.

Poor Buddy who spent the last few days talking up Megs.  “Are you kidding me, your Megatron looks like he's on space crack, my Megs would beat him no question.”

Poor Buddy who was so confident while watching the fight because their Megs is out now and he’s here to clean house.

Poor Buddy who immediately runs through the fighting to throw a rock at Megatron's leg and yell at him various cybertronian swears because of course that's the first thing Whirl taught them upon meeting them. 

And poor Buddy who immediately gets Megatron's fusion cannon pointed at them

But it doesn't hit Buddy.  No, the blast nearly digs through Meg's back as he shields he’s funny little human kid.

Luckily they get him back to base, maybe Bumblebee rammed into Megatrons fucking shins and they drag Meg’s body back through a ground bridge.

Cut to Megs waking up and Buddy immediately sprinting towards him because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and they also can't stand to be near his limp body while waiting for him to wake up

“...he was on space bath salts… that fight didn't count.”

FEARLESS IS BACK!

I tweak some elements in the request a bit, hope that's okay when you read it. If not please let me know.

Hope you enjoy!

Fearless Buddy witnessing Megs get beaten by his counter part

SFW, Platonic, Familial, Slight Angst, Mention of injury but nothing graphic, Human reader

TFP/MTMTE

It’s a normal day in Megatron’s classroom.

Megatron had just finished his final class of the day and was looking forward to going back to his habsuite.

Fearless had other ideas.

They decided to come by and visit after the lectures were over.

Megatron didn’t want to see Fearless right now.

He had been running a bit of the Cybertronain equivalent of a cold and hadn’t gone to the med bay yet.

Not that he thought he needed to.

He could handle something like this, but he knew Buddy would want him to go to the med bay if they found out.

Then portal time.

Megatron is clawing at his desk, refusing to get sucked into the portal.

Fearless sighs and just goes limp as the portal began dragging them in.

“What are you doing?!”--Megatron

“I’ve stop trying to fight these things Megs, just let go it makes things so much easier when you land.”—Fearless

“No!”--Megatron

Megatron lets go of one servo and tries to reach for Fearless as they are dragged into the portal.

His grip falters and let’s go of the desk and starts screaming as he gets dragged into the portal.

Meanwhile, Fearless was just thinking which dimension they were going to end up today.

Meanwhile in the TFP universe…

The portal opens dropping Megatron on the ground unceremonialy and Fearless safely bounces to the floor.

Team Prime just looks at the pair surprised.

Fearless waves happily as their Megatron groans in pain.

“Hey guys! How’s it going?”--Fearless

Everyone is surprised to see Megs and Fearless back.

Optimus has to calm down June and Fowler over this Megs appearing inside the base.

It’s a happy reunion with Fearless.

Ratchet’s sixth sense is tingling seeing Megs being more withdrawal than normal.

A couple days later, Team Prime gets ambushed.

Megs is actually feeling worse than what he felt on the Lost Light and still refuses to get help.

He feels bad for wasting their resources and knows he needs to cover his tracks better, Fearless was catching on to him.

Megs volunteers to go out and help.

He leaves before Fearless can do anything.

Fearless spots Miko running to the groundbrigde.

“I did not miss that, Miko!”--Fearless

Fearless is now running behind Miko trying to stop her from entering the groundbrigde.

“Miko! Get back here!”--Fearless

“I am NOT going to miss this fight!”--Miko

“Miko just because I said my Megs could crush yours, doesn’t mean that you get to go off on your own and—GET BACK HERE BEFORE THE PORTAL CLOSES!”--Fearless

On the other end of the groundbrigde.

Fearless sighs tiredly while Miko chuckles a bit.

“C’mon! You can’t deny that your also curious on how this fight could go.”--Miko

“Miko lets just get you back to—”—Fearless

Fearless turns around to see Jack and Raf behind them.

“… The three of you stick to me because I swear to Primus if you run off again, the last thing you will see if my foot denting your sorry behinds.”—Fearless

“Bet the last soda in the fridge Megs beats our Megatron”—Miko

“Miko!”--Fearless

They are not expecting Megs to get beat.

It was a bad beating.

Sure, Megs got good hits in the beginning, but it was nothing compared to the hits Megatron was landing.

Fearless starts panicking when they notice his fatigue.

It was time to put their name into use.

Fearless grabs a bunch of rocks and sprints to Megs and stands in front of him and starts chucking the rocks left and right.

They run out of rocks and move to their trusty pocket blaster, courtesy of Brainstorm.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU OVERGROWN TOASTER!”--Fearless

Megatron looks down at the fleshy who was landing some blasts at his frame.

“Insignificant worm! You dare try and hit me!?”--Megatron

Fearless starts moving away from Megs and tries to lure this Megatron away from him.

“OH, I DARE BUCKET HEAD! I HOPE YOUR PEDE GETS RUSTY FROM THE RAIN!”--Fearless

Fearless dodges several blasts from the fusion canon.

“I HOPE THAT YOU FALL OF THE NEMESIS AND HIT YOUR HELM! MAYBE THEN IT CAN COMPREHEND ALL THE THINGS YOU’VE DONE! AND IT CAN START WITH YOU PUTTING SPACE BATH SALTS IN YOUR SPARK CHAMBER!”--Fearless

Megs is terrified for Fearless as his counter part starts going after them.

Megatron also spots the kids and fires one shot before continuing to pursue the other pest.

Megs shields the kids with his body nearly crumbling down at the massive hole burning on his side.

Fearless screams in agony and rage making rapid fire with their blaster straight to Megatron’s face and wire sensitive areas.

Thanks to this distraction Bumblebee could get the drop on him going to the kneecaps and Optimus taking him down before he retreated like the coward he was.

Fearless is running back to Megs as he is being carried to the groundbridge.

Fearless get taken care of by June as they wait anxiously for the news.

They were so sure that Megs would beat this Megatron.

What happened out there?

Ratchet comes out of the med bay.

Fearless is on their feet.

“How is he Ratchet?”--Fearless

“He is stable, my counter part would need to do more extensive work in the long run though.”--Ratchet

Fearless looks relief but scrunches to confusion.

“He should have beaten him. It doesn’t make sense! Something happened to him when he went out and… and…”--Fearless

They hang their head a bit.

“That could be the exposure to the dark energon and the illness.”--Ratchet

“… Run me that again.”--Fearless

“Dark energon and the illness.”—Ratchet

“He was sick?!”—Fearless

“It’s a non-lethal sickness, most akin to a human ‘cold’.”--Ratchet

“… So, my Megs got his aft kick because the other Meagtron was on the space drug and he was sick...”--Fearless

“I would use different terms, but that is the gist of it.”--Ratchet

“… Thank you Ratchet, seriously.”--Fearless

“You’re taking this well.”--Miko

“Oh, I’m furious that he hid this from me, but that’s something he’s going to get when he can at least walk again. Then he is going to be thankful that I’m not a full grown Cybertronian.”--Fearless

Fearless feels sick to their stomach seeing him power down and still.

They try their best to keep themselves occupied with the kids and the others.

Fearless jokes around that the match didn’t count because their Megatron had enhancements and theirs was weakened by a sickness.

It was an unfair fight.

The moment Megs wakes up Fearless is once again sprinting to his side, climbing to the top of the med slab by themselves and to his chassis.

They cry a bit with relief when they see he is okay.

They were so going to snitch on him when they got back to the Lost Light.

Right on cue the portal opens up.

Megs is strong enough to walk a bit and goes to the portal with Fearless.

They say their thanks and goodbyes as the pair leave this universe.

In the Lost Light…

Megs lands on his chassis groaning in pain as Fearless lands beside him.

His biolight flickered dimly which caused Fearless to panic bad.

“HELP! HELP HE’S DYING! SOMEONE, ANYONE!!!”--Fearless

The doors to Swerve’s bust open as several bots come out to see Fearless cradling one of Megatron’s digits with tears threatening to spill.

“HELP HIM!”--Fearless

Whirl comes over and picks up Fearless as some other bots hurriedly carry Megatron to the med bay.

Fearless just watches his limp body get carried away and digs their face into their Amica’s neck cables stifling a sob.

Whirl can only gently stroke their back as he takes them back to their shared room for privacy.

Megatron has to stay in the med bay for a while thanks to the injuries and the complications the illness made on his frame.

Fearless made sure to tell everything to the crew once they calmed down.

Once Megs is given a clean bill of health and another scolding for keeping his sickness to himself, Fearless isn’t leaving his side for a while.

Magnus grants some grace to Fearless on their work.

Everyone gives the two some patience.

It wasn’t everyday that one of the most fearless organics on board got into a panicky state.

Thank goodness Rung has some room in his schedule because this was going to be a lengthy session for many bots.

[bubbleswrld]

Damian Priest Imagine

TW: Damian Priest X Shy! Wrestler! Reader, reader is POC (black), reader has anxiety, legal age-gap between reader and Damian, platonic! Rhea X reader

Y/N paced back and forth as she waited for her music to hit. She had a promo with Rhea Ripley and although they rehearsed it, she had stage fright. Rhea was already in the ring, talking a big game about how everyone was below her since no one had beater her for her belt. Y/N's music hit and she shook away her jitters before grabbing a mic and sauntering onto the ramp. "You're only at the top because you're hound dogs always protect you." Y/N cut off the raven hair woman. She climbed mat and stepped under the second rope. "With or without them, I can still beat your ass, Y/N." Rhea chuckled. "So why you duckin' my fade, mami?" Y/N asked as she smirked but the words came out shaky; she just hoped the fans didn't pick up on it.

"If you couldn't handle a simple interview, what makes you think you can beat me for MY title?" Rhea got in Y/N's face, albeit, she had to crane her neck to Y/N's short height. Rhea picked up on her shortened breaths and hoped being close to the girl calmed her a bit.

"Cause unlike y-you, I won't need back up when I'm whoopin' that ass!"

Y/N dropped the mic and threw the first punch; that was supposed to stun her opponent and knock her off her feet but the most it did was make her stumble two feet. Rhea tried to sell the move as best as she could by sliding down the buckles and rolling out the ring. Y/N climbed the buckles and struck her pose. She quickly got out of the ring and tried to get up the ramp whilst holding in tears knowing she fucked up the spot. Fans were cheering for her and tapping her as she passed, even holding out their phones for pictures.

The water works started before she could even leave the ramp but she had to turn and hit her final mark. Y/N wiped her eyes quickly and turned to face the crowd before scurrying backstage.

/////

Rhea had went on a search for her friend to see what had went wrong but nobody had seen Y/N since the promo. Damian was supposed to be on his way to the hotel earlier that night but after seeing the prom, he too was looking for the younger girl. "Randy, have you seen Y/N?!" Damian asked as he spotted the fellow wrestler coming up the hallway. "I think she was headed to medics--"

Damian and Rhea reached medics at the same time where they found Y/N huddled up on a gurney, struggling to breathe. Adam Pearce was beside her trying his best to calm her down but that just seemed to be making it worst. Y/N had been stressed out for the past few weeks dealing with training, back to back shows and personal issues pertaining to her family. It was a miracle that she had lasted that long without an anxiety/ panic attack. "C'mon bunny, ya gotta breathe. Follow my breathing." Y/N quickly clung to Damian as the loudest sob echoed through her tiny body.

"I f-fucked up b-bad."

She could barely get out her words.

"Nobody is mad at you, hon."

Rhea tried to console the girl.

The young girl was wheezing, grasping at her chest and throat. The medic finally came with a dose of meds to sedate the girl.

"Mi amor. I'm so sorry I wasn't there earlier." Damian kissed his girl's head and laid her on the gurney as she mellowed out. "What happened out there, Rhea?" Adam asked. He was fond of the girl; although she was a shy one, she brought light to everyone's day. He needed to know what triggered her.

"She was antsy before the promo, she did okay with it up until the spot... I saw her start to break."

Damian swiped her braids out of her face and ran his hand across her cheeks as if to let her know he was still there. "She mentioned something about family issues the other day." Dominik popped up. Damian muttered a quiet "Fuck."

"Take her back to the hotel; if she isn't better by Wednesday, I'm gonna pull her from the house show and from next week." Adam stated as he began to pace back and forth. "I need to be here for Rhea." Y/N slurred. "Bunny, you need to rest; the match will be here when you get back." Damian picked her up and left the room. He took her back to the hotel and got her cleaned up before tucking her in.

That was an abrupt ending... yikes. I might rewrite it later.

[bomberqueen17]

realizations

this is just me having medical realizations and again wishing I had someone to help me coordinate my medical care. I hear rumors some people use primary care physicians for this but mine doesn't do that kind of thing, so I'm writing things out here instead.

physical therapy:

shit got so busy last week that i fell off the wagon for the first time. I've only ever missed a single day of the thrice-weekly physical therapy exercises since I was first prescribed them in January; on two occasions I think I've wound up doing them only twice in a week. But last Tuesday, I woke up and did a few of them and then ran out of time, and then worked three twelve-hour days in a row, and a fourth day I worked six hours and then drove four more. And then I was visiting friends and had horrible menstrual cramps. So I just didn't climb back onto the wagon.

I haven't had bad sciatic nerve pain at any point during any of that. Sure, toward the end of the long days on my feet I was taking any opportunity to sit, and I was doing some of the pt stretches, and it's not that the sciatic nerve didn't hurt at all. But it didn't keep me up. And I now am back to a normal level of physical activity, and I slept in a bad position last night and am experiencing no consequences today.

I'll go back to them-- need to figure out today if I have an appointment tomorrow or Thursday first-- and I'm sure not saying the exercises caused the sciatic nerve pain-- but it sure is a fucking data point isn't it.

ADHD meds:

I have managed to take two doses of Ritalin about four times in the last two weeks. It used to be that I would at least really notice the first dose, but I've been faithful enough with it that at this point my body doesn't seem to react to it at all. I can't tell whether I've taken it, most days, and that means I don't notice it wearing off and I don't think to take the second one. I know it shouldn't work like that but it definitely doesn't. There have been days I've forgotten both doses, though, and there's no real difference in those days. And that time I tried to sew those bike shorts was one of my most obvious two-dose days.

I don't need help focusing my attention, which seems to be what the stimulants do. My manifestation of ADHD is not distraction. I have always been able to focus on a task. What I cannot do is initiate a task, change a task, or perform a sequence of tasks that depend on one another, beyond a very simple list structure. Last night I had to entirely admit defeat because coordinating a sequence of tasks was beyond me. It was an embarrassingly simple sequence of tasks: I had to drop my car off for service, and get dinner, and the hardest part was that I had to coordinate a person accompanying me in a second vehicle so I could get a ride home. And there was a time constraint, and I could not do any of it because I could not initiate the task of looking up which takeout restaurants were nearby. "Solve one thing at a time," Dude said, and proceeded to help me, but I said "i can't solve one thing at a time, because if I solve one thing I will not then be able to initiate the solving of the second thing, and then the second problem will derail the rest of my night."

On my own I would not have been able to feed myself dinner, I think. I would have had to abandon that very simple task as unsolvable. I simply could not hold two things in my mind long enough to consider it. It was absolutely stupid.

Relatedly I was trying to figure out how to calculate the sale price of an item, and it was 60% off the listed price, and I know to get 60% of something you multiply it by .6, so I was trying to do that and then subtract the number I got from the original number, and I tried it literally nine times without being able to remember the .6 result long enough to then type it back into the calculator. Yes, I know you can just times it by .4 instead now, and I also know that at any moment I could have gotten up and gotten a piece of paper, or gotten a second calculator, or taken a screenshot, but all of those solutions were so cumbersome and involved me abandoning my initial task that I could not figure out how to use them. I finally asked someone else and they told me the answer and also how to use the times .4 method, which I had considered but wasn't confident enough in.

All of this is related, I think, to me having basically no working memory. I cannot hold a thing in my mind while I contemplate a second thing. And I don't know if any ADHD medication would ever help with that. That is the root of almost all of my problems: I know, from long experience, that I have to continually maintain the single thing I am focused on in my mind, and if I try to think of any second thing, I either can't, or if I succeed, will lose the first thing irrevocably. So i can't use most of the problem-solving skills I know fine well how to use. I can't get fucking anything done. (I give amazing advice, always have, because I've spent a ton of time figuring out how to solve problems and then discovering that I can't actually use any of those methods successfully.) And, I can pretty conclusively state after these several months of experimentation: ADHD stimulant meds have zero effect on this problem.

I don't know if any meds have any effect on this problem. It may well be that there is nothing to be done for my condition, medication-wise. I guess I'm glad I was able to try medication, since it is such a miracle for so many people. I guess I'm just sad it wasn't a miracle for me. But it hasn't addressed any of my problems so I don't see a point in continuing it.

Possibly what I need is some other kind of therapy, some kind of like behavioral therapy or life coaching or something, I don't know. It would help me enormously, I think, to have a lifestyle with a predictable routine and very little dislocation, but that's not possible for me with my current job and life situation. And I don't know how to discover what kind of therapies even exist, and I know the psych provider I've been seeing will not be able to recommend anything in the three minutes we get per meeting. So I might just be out of options, now. But I guess I'm glad at least I tried.

I really wish I had some kind of doctor overseeing all of my medical care I could consult about this, but I don't, I only have the individual specialists. So I'm on my own and I'm just trying to work around my severe memory problems by writing things out, I guess.

Currently I am just going to have to accept that there's literally no way I'm going to be able to figure out how to get to Rochester and back this week, so I'm going to give up on retrieving my critical personal electronics and just wait until I head back to the farm to get them on my way through. Which sucks and I am sad about but I just don't know how to coordinate the logistics and incorporate that into my life, so I'm going to stop worrying about it. This is how I get through things: I just let almost everything go, and live with whatever I can pick up in the aftermath. C'est la vie!

Oh huh you can't add more tags onto posts once you've stopped adding them huh. Fascinating choice, Tumblr.

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Alien Day falls in Lesbian Visibility Week, so that means I need to write for the lesbian Crowlien au because we love monster women here. Even though this story technically takes place before Aziraphale mutates into an alien.

I just wanted to write a little soft fluff with them before shit happened. Even if there is mentioning of what happens post-alien encounter.

On with the fic!

--

Crowley was grinning as she crossed through the ship's halls, looking for the medical wing. She had something hidden behind her back as she slipped past an irritated looking Furfur, nearly dropping it when he almost tripped her. "Whoa! Who pissed in your cornflakes?" She sniffed, giving him a look.

Furfur looked back at her, clucking his tongue. "Just the annoying, forgetful redhead who, once again, left me doing her job!"

Crowley blinked, then considered what he meant. "You went and fixed the issue with the lights in med bay?"

"Yes. Which your... wife kept trying to get you to fix!" He spat the word 'wife' out as if it tasted terrible. God, he was never going to get over Crowley rejecting him, is he? "Apparently she'd been trying to contact you all morning, and you didn't answer any of her calls."

"Was busy with that repair job Gabe's was bitchin' about at dinner last night, the one he told me I had to do first thing in the mornin', remember?" Crowley stuck out her tongue at him. "Anyway, I need to go and see my wife about something more important than the malfunctionin' lights in the keyboard of her computer! Ta~!"

She cackled and ran to Aziraphale's office, slapping the door button, watching it slide open.

Aziraphale was inside, typing away at her computer with just her index fingers. It's amazing how much of an old lady she could be, even at her age, it was so cute. She seemed so focused on whatever she typing that she hadn't noticed Crowley or the door opening.

Crowley chuckled softly, leaning against the door frame, waiting for her wife to finally notice.

In three... two...

"Oh! Darling!" Aziraphale looked up, smiling brightly. "I didn't hear you come in!"

"Course not, too busy doin' nerdy medical stuffy, eh?"

"Hush you." Aziraphale replied, then pouted. "Where were you? I've been trying to contact your communication device all morning! Did you forget to charge it again?"

"One, no, it was charged, remember? You saw me plug it in. Two, just call it a comm, angel, no one calls it a 'communication device'." Crowley moved from the door, hearing it shut behind her, hands still kept behind her back as she approached the desk.

"And I was fixin' that thing for the captain, cause if I didn't, you know he'd hound me for it all fuckin' day."

"Ah, that is true." Aziraphale said, then glanced to the side, trying to see what Crowley was hiding. "What's that?"

Crowley grinned. "Do you know what day it is?"

Aziraphale blinked owlishly behind those little glasses she wore when reading. "Tuesday?"

"Well, yes, but the date?"

"It's August..." She glanced at her calendar, then gasped. "It's my-!"

"Happy birthday!" Crowley shouted, holding out the yellow gift bag she had been trying to keep hidden.

Aziraphale stood up, looking so excited as she walked around the desk. "Oh, you clever snake, you didn't have to get me anything!"

"Too late, got it right before we left, so I clearly can't take it back! WAAAAYYYY past the thirty day return limit!"

The doctor laughed and kissed Crowley on the cheek before taking the bag, looking inside. "Oh, oh Crowley..." She pulled out a book, one that was clearly old, but in a very well-kept condition. "Is this...?"

"A first edition copy of Persuasion? Your favorite book? It might be."

"Darling, this is just... it's too much!"

"Nothing is too much for my wife, my favorite person, my beloved angel." Crowley smiled, holding her close, kissing her neck. "Do you like?"

Aziraphale set the book and bag on her desk, then leaned into the hold, kissing her right on the lips. "I love it. I love you. You make me so happy."

Crowley kissed her on the forehead. "Good, when you're happy, I'm happy. I love you too, angel."

--

Crowley looked at the pages in front of her, having paused mid-sentence in her reading aloud of the book. She heard the soft sounds of Aziraphale sleeping, felt the warm, moist breath through those terrifying teeth against her shirt where her wife was resting her head.

She grabbed for the bookmark nearby, slipping it into place, then closed the book. She looked at the cover, seeing the single word of the title. It was still in good condition, minus tiny tears from where Aziraphale had tried to grab it in her clawed hands.

It bothered her to not be able to hold her precious books anymore, but Crowley was there to do that, to help her enjoy them by reading the stories aloud. Granted, Crowley didn't often like the books Aziraphale enjoyed, some of them were so gloomy, but it made her wife happy, and that's what Crowley enjoyed most.

She sighed softly, setting the book aside, looking at bone-white locks of messy hair, at a face that seemed more like a skull than the cherubic face she was used to, but she still saw her wife there, that beautiful angel she married.

Things would never be like that birthday when Aziraphale got her book, when it had been such a good day, only for things to go to shit just two weeks later.

But that was alright, Crowley still had Aziraphale, even if she was a bit different than before. Her angel was happy, even like this, and that meant Crowley was happy.

--

Something sweet, before all hell broke loose.

Also, yes, Crowley reads to Aziraphale now, it's so hard for her to do it herself.

Oh, I really like the idea that Furfur has feelings for Crowley, who has been married to Aziraphale for years. Sir, move on, you're never gonna get the girl. (Also, you die anyway, but still).

[eponastory]

Well, now that the Tylenol and other pain meds have kicked in, I want to talk about war.

Yeah, yeah, cut the crap Dai Li. Your lies are boring.

Many of you know that I have a thing for history. Well, I know for a fact that as long as man has walked this spherical (shut up flat earthers) rock floating in space, there has been some kind of conflict with one another. Over things like religion, politics, resources, women (looking at you, Troy), etc... it's a bloody business.

I'm going to give my grievances about Aang and his role in the war.

1. He really isn't there for all of it.

Remember, he ran away the night of the Air Nomad Genocide. That was the true start of the war. War is complex. You sometimes have more than one side playing a part, and then you have the antagonistic side. Aang did not have any part in the war for one hundred years. He was a child when it started, and he was still a child when it ended.

2. Growing up in war time is going to change your perspective.

Psychologically, trauma shapes a person into thinking a certain way. War is trauma. People who grow up in war time are shaped to either fight or flight. Since Aang was only there for the very end of the war, his separation from that war time trauma is there.

Think of it as witnessing 9/11/01. If you were alive to see it, then it really shaped you. It did for many people I grew up with, who did end up enlisting into the military to fight in the War On Terror. I was twelve years old, and I remember that day very well. It definitely made me see things a lot differently. Those who were born after that often joke around about 9/11 because they didn't witness it as it was happening.

It's an absence of understanding.

3. Aangs role in the war and how he is unprepared.

First off, when he is woken up, he has no idea what has really happened in the last hundred years. That's okay. Then he, as a child, has been put into this role of life or death, but he still acts like a child. I can understand that. It's anxiety and a whole bunch of other things he has to face in a world that moved on without him. He isn't irrelevant, but he missed a good deal, and now he has to live up to expectations.

So how does this affect relationships?

Oh, it does. It heavily impacts relationships. Which is why I'm going to get into this little debate here.

Aang is infatuated with Katara because she represents an outlet for his anxiety.

There, I said it!

That is also why this relationship is... not good. That and he doesn't seem to put her feelings into thought because she is a soothing mechanism. He relies on her for comfort and relief because, well, she is the Heart.

Remember what I said about Katara having to bury her feelings to take care of everyone else's BS? Yeah, that's what is going on here but in a much more selfish way. Aang can't let her go because she is his balm.

I cover this in my story by the way.

But yeah, let's say we stray away from Canon and Katara leaves him...

Yeah, he would likely lose his shit.

Just an opinion, but the way their relationship is set up is just... it screams that sort of dependency from Aang.

But this is because he missed the majority of the war and had to all of a sudden save the world... as a twelve year old. You know what my two younger brothers were doing at 12?

Playing with freaking Legos. (And still do to this day)

Legos.

Okay I'm ranting now, but this topic came up while I was working on my story.

You can ignore it. It's probably all over the place like my ADHD brain is right now.

Peace and ❤️

[helloalycia]

moving on [two] // alicia clark

summary: Alicia takes you back to the fire as you desperately hope to find your sister and take her away from Jeremy. Things don't seem to go to plan...

warning/s: mentions of injury and death.

author's note: here’s part two for the few people reading this one aha, hope you like it! ♥️

one / three / four / five / six / wattpad / masterlist

"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you're in a lot of–"

"I'm fine," I cut Alicia off for the millionth time, gritting my teeth.

She glanced at me before nodding and returning her attention to the road. I closed my eyes and looked away, trying to push away the pain in my shoulder. It was hurting a lot more than I realised, the meds Naomi gave me only doing so much. Really, I needed rest, but I couldn't waste time, not when Y/S/N was somewhere out there.

Alicia kept to her word and was taking me back to the fire, which should've long burnt out now. She'd been able to take a car from the stadium which I was surprised they had the gas for, along with some supplies and a gun in case we ran into any trouble.

As we got closer to the building, I noticed a lot of infected hanging around nearby, drawn in by the smoke. Less than when I was here last, but still a lot more than expected. Alicia had to pull up down the road so we wouldn't attract them.

"I don't think she's gonna be in there," Alicia said hesitantly, as if afraid to insult me yet again. It didn't matter – I knew she thought this whole thing was pointless, but I didn't care for her opinion.

Annoyingly though, she was right at the moment. There was no way Y/S/N would have stayed with this much infected around. I wasn't sure what I expected to find.

"Drive past it," I told her. "We set up camp not far from here. If they're still there, that's where she'll be."

Not arguing it, Alicia hummed and turned the engine back on, carefully manoeuvring around the stray infected and following the road away from the fire. I glanced at it in the window, realising how lucky I was to have made it out alive. That, and a small part of me was terrified I'd find my sister walking amongst the dead.

Thankfully, she wasn't.

All of my hopes were placed in the belief that Y/S/N was back at camp with Jeremy and the rest of his gang – it was too soon for them to move on, unless they deemed it unsafe. I didn't want to consider that as an option, since we hadn't talked about where to go next and so if she wasn't here now, I'd truly lost her.

The car ride was quiet except for the occasional direction from myself, and after a tense ride, we finally reached a deserted strip mall. I tried not to worry at the emptiness of it all, knowing this had been full of tents and supplies when I'd been here only a few days ago.

"They should be here," I muttered, mostly to myself, and barely acknowledged Alicia's response when I got out the car and made my way to one of the stores.

Knife raised (since Alicia refused to give me an actual weapon), I ran inside, hoping to find any sign of people. But everything was a mess, empty packets and cans of food left lying around like everybody had moved out.

"No, no, no, no...," I mumbled, the panic growing as I sped around the shelves of the store, expecting to find somebody. "Y/S/N?! Are you here?! It's me!"

There was no answer and I knew they'd left – it only made sense – but I refused to accept it. There had to be something!

I checked the back of the store – a small room where we had left some supplies – but it was empty and anything leftover was simply rubbish. They'd gone.

Y/S/N was gone.

"Y/N," Alicia breathed out when she saw me stepping out from the back room. "I... I'm sorry."

Tears pooling in my eyes, I glanced at her, seeing pity staring back at me. I didn't want her pity, I wanted Y/S/N.

"We never move on this quickly," I said, putting my knife away. "Maybe they went out."

Alicia pressed her lips together, no doubt judging my naïvety. "Or maybe they left because it was too close to the fire. To the infected. Too dangerous."

I frowned, squeezing my fists together. "There's got to be something here to tell me where they went. I'm not giving up."

"Y/N..."

I ignored her protesting voice as I peeled my eyes for any clue to their whereabouts. Alicia called my name as I zipped around the store, flipping over the few belongings that had been left behind, but it was useless.

"There's nothing here, Y/N, maybe you should leave it," Alicia tried, and it only pissed me off further.

"No!" I yelled, spinning around to glare at her. "I'm not just giving up! She may not mean anything to you, but she's my sister!"

"She left you to die!" Alicia retorted, sympathetic eyes flickering between mine.

"She didn't!" I defended her. "It was that fucking arsehole– ugh!"

Out of frustration, I swung my arm at a nearby shelf, it falling to the floor with a crash, and though it temporarily eased my frustrations, it permanently left me with a strike of pain in my shoulder. Immediately wincing, I clutched my arm, cursing at my stupidity.

"Your arm–"

"I'm fine!" I shouted, glaring at the stranger who had no need here, but it wasn't threatening in the slightest because I was a blubbering mess.

"Y/N, you have no idea where she is and they could all be long gone by now," Alicia tried again, this time in a gentler voice. "Your shoulder isn't looking good and if you leave now, it's a suicide mission!"

I sniffled, eyes blurry with tears, too many to make out Alicia's face. I hated how emotional I sounded when I said, "I can't leave her. She's my sister. I can't stop looking, not when she's out there somewhere." Frowning, I let go of my shoulder and wiped away my tears, but only more replaced them. "She's all I have left. You don't get it. I'm supposed to look after her."

Hesitantly, Alicia took a step forward and rested a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You've done all you can right now. You're hurt. You need rest."

She was right. But giving up wasn't easy, even though deep down I knew that finding Y/S/N was impossible. She could be anywhere by now and I had no idea where to start looking.

I still wasn't sure whether she chose to leave me back at the fire or not, but I knew that we shouldn't be apart. Still... oddly enough, I couldn't help but wonder if it was supposed to be like this. We'd been arguing a lot lately, she was changing right before my eyes and I couldn't stop it. I despised Jeremy, but he did keep her safe. Maybe she was finally with people who understood her, not like I did.

"Y/N," Alicia said softly, and I realised I was crying again, the loss stinging more than the pain in my shoulder.

"I know you're right," I said, not meaning for it to come out as a whisper.

Alicia sighed regretfully, dropping her hand. "We have scouts that go out regularly from the stadium to keep an eye on the surrounding areas. I can ask them to keep an eye out for your sister and this gang. If any word or sightings come up, you'll be the first to know."

I glanced at her, wondering why she was being so generous, especially after my lack of gratitude.

"You're not giving up," she assured me, nodding. "We'll be looking. You're just keeping yourself safe. Doing the smart thing, not the reckless one."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, sniffling uncomfortably. Was she right again? Probably. But it wouldn't make losing Y/S/N any easier. My baby sister. Lost.

"Please will you come back to the stadium with me?" she asked carefully, looking up at me through her eyelashes. "Your sister got a fresh start. You deserve one, too."

It was hard to agree, considering it was my fault this had all happened. But I had nowhere to go, and Alicia was the kindest person I'd met in a long time.

"We should go," I confirmed, unable to meet her gaze because I was horribly hurt, embarrassed and still a little angry, though not at her.

She seemed to gauge my mood as she nodded and led the way back to the car. I glanced around at the deserted store, wondering by how much I'd missed them all. It didn't matter, but I still wondered.

When Alicia and I returned to the stadium, time didn't feel real. I followed along as she returned the car and spoke to some of the guards posted at the gate, but none of it was really sticking. Lost in my own head, that's what I was, and the last place I wanted to be was here.

Alicia's mother, Madison Clark, found us by the gate, too. I only knew who she was because she was the one who let us go this morning, understanding my need to find my sister. Of course, now it meant nothing. She was nodding along intently as Alicia explained what we found, but I tuned it out. Until suddenly, I felt her touch my arm briefly, bringing me back to reality.

"...sorry you couldn't find her, Y/N, I really am," Madison was saying, staring at me with the same sympathy her daughter had been this whole time. "We'll keep an eye out for her and hopefully something will come up. But for now, you should stay here and rest up. This place could be something special for you if you allow it."

Admittedly, the southern twinge in her accent and the fact that she was the first elderly maternal figure I'd come across since losing my own made me feel a little better, but then the hurt returned when she let go and I was back to feeling lost.

Alicia said a few more things, none of it meaning a thing to me, before Madison left us. Only when she nudged my arm slightly did I realise she was asking me something.

"What was that?" I asked, blinking with realisation.

Hiding a frown, she asked, "Are you alright with going back to see Naomi? She should check on your shoulder."

Feeling like I didn't have much of a choice or interest in the matter, I shrugged halfheartedly and followed after her.

I hadn't wanted to return empty handed. Maybe I had let my mind run wild last night, imagining a scenario where we found Y/S/N and I finally convinced her to leave Jeremy, to come back with me to the stadium. Being here without her was a permanent reminder of what I'd failed to do.

Naomi checked me out once more, but I barely remembered it. A few stitches had come loose (no doubt a result of my tantrum) and she fixed me up quickly enough.

Soon after, Alicia said something about a tour of the place, but considering she led me straight to my own small room that had been newly built, I could only assume she meant another time.

"This is all for me?" I asked with surprise, looking around the small wooden shed that had had a glass window and enough space to house a bed, dresser and desk. More than I'd had in a long time.

"Yeah, it's one of the newer rooms we've built since we have the space," she said casually, like this wasn't the biggest luxury of all. "Also, I didn't think you'd want to share with a stranger right now. But if you find yourself getting lonely, I can arrange for a roommate."

All I could think to do was nod, in slight disbelief as I looked around the space. Everything was spotless, ready to be lived in. And to my dismay, the first thing I thought was how it would be the first space I'd live in without Y/S/N.

"I'll leave you to get settled," Alicia spoke when I didn't. "Lunch will be served soon. I can come and get you and show you around a little from there. Is that okay?"

I was glad not to be facing her, otherwise she'd see me shamefully trying to wipe away some tears. Why couldn't we have found this place sooner? I'd still have my sister. We could have been safe. It was right under our noses this whole time and we'd missed it.

"Y/N–"

"That's fine," I cut her off before she could attempt to comfort me. "Thank you."

For some bizarre reason, the brunette was persistent as she found my gaze worriedly. "It's been a long few days for you. I understand this can feel overwhelming. If you want to talk about it–"

"I said I'm fine, Alicia," I interrupted a little too harshly, before adding, "Thanks," in a poor attempt to ease the blow.

She didn't seem offended, not entirely anyway, as she nodded. "Right. Well, I'll be back in a bit. Be careful with your stitches."

I nodded, watching as she left me to it. When the door closed behind her, I finally felt like I could breathe, no longer under her watchful stare. It was a lot to process, her personality a big question on its own, but I couldn't begin to think about that right now. Not that, not this place and it's privileges, not anything.

Y/S/N was plaguing my thoughts. She was gone, for now, but she was still out there somewhere. She had to be. And I wouldn't give up until I knew she was definitely safe.

I knew this, and yet the tears still rolled down my cheeks and I still found myself sobbing in the corner of the room, mourning her like she was truly gone.

Settling into the stadium was much more difficult than I realised. And not at the fault of the people here – they were actually some of the nicest bunch I'd met in a long time – but because I was still in denial about Y/S/N.

Wherever I went, whatever I did, I'd think of her. How couldn't I? She was my family, my sister, the person who knew me the best. We'd been together our whole lives and now suddenly we weren't? It was the worst feeling, one I couldn't adjust to. Every day for as long as I'd been here this past week, I'd asked the patrol in the evenings if they'd seen or heard anything about Jeremy and his gang. It was always the same answer: no.

The stadium itself was difficult to adjust to as I still couldn't get used to seeing so many people, a community, altogether at once. Y/S/N and I had been on the run for so long, I'd forgotten what a community felt like. Everybody helped each other out, befriended one another, took turns with chores, acted like a family. There was no constant looking over your shoulder for fear of infected or wondering where your next meal would come from – every day was like a breath of fresh air. The closest thing to normal I'd seen since the world went to shit.

I should have been grateful, I know it. And I would have if you'd caught me at any other point in my life, but not now. Not when I couldn't accept it all without my sister by my side.

I mostly kept to myself, finding it easier that way. After Alicia had given me that initial tour, she offered to introduce me to some people to help me settle in, but I had no interest in doing so. At mealtimes, I would stick to my own table. When I'd sign up for chores in the morning, I'd only converse if I had to. Apart from speaking with Naomi about my health when she checked on my shoulder, I rarely spoke. It wasn't healthy, I knew that much, but it was hard to enjoy anything without Y/S/N.

It didn't stay like that forever though.

One day, I was on laundry duty, scrubbing some clothes on a washboard but very much lost in my own thoughts – a common pastime of mine lately, it seemed.

"Hey!" a voice shouted, startling me from my thoughts and making me look up. It was Alicia. "You've gotta start pulling your weight around here, those clothes aren't gonna wash themselves."

Worried, I straightened up and looked back to the washboard, scrubbing the clothes faster. "S-sorry, I'm on it."

"Hey, hey, hey," she said quickly, stopping my hands with her own. An apologetic smile was on her lips as she said, "I'm kidding, relax."

I sighed quietly, embarrassed as I looked away. "Right."

"I just wanted to ask how you're doing," she continued, losing her smile when she realised I wasn't amused. "I feel like we haven't spoken much since you've been here."

She was being polite about it, but we both knew it was intentional on my part. Every time she looked like she wanted to talk to me, I'd actively avoid her. It wasn't anything she'd done, more so that I knew I'd have to open up to her because she wasn't one to leave things alone, and I certainly wasn't ready for that.

"It's safe," I said truthfully, answering her question, hoping it would be what she wanted to hear and convince her to leave me be. "Everybody is nice. It's nice to be guaranteed a meal, one that nobody had to die for."

When she didn't respond, I glanced up and realised she was frowning, making me feel bad.

"Sorry, never mind," I said awkwardly, clearing my throat.

"No, it's okay," she found her voice again, the sympathy returning. "I know what it's like out there. How hard it can be."

I hummed uncomfortably, unsure what else to say. My eyes were on the bucket of water that my hands were stuck in as I wondered whether or not she'd leave, but then she spoke up again.

"Do you, maybe, wanna hang out when you're done?" she asked politely. "I was gonna–"

"I'm okay," I answered before she could waste another breath. The last thing I wanted was even more of her pity, even if she was only trying to be nice.

Surprised at my abruptness, she licked her lips and nodded slowly. "Hmm, yeah, no worries. Well, I'll be around if you need anything. Or change your mind."

I nodded, knowing I wouldn't, and she awkwardly walked away, leaving me to do my job.

In the week I'd been here, I still hadn't pinpointed what Alicia's story was. Despite not speaking to people much, it wasn't hard to eavesdrop on conversations or gain the occasional context from people whilst working. It still wasn't enough though.

All I'd gathered was that Alicia and her family were adamant on keeping this place safe, secure and open to those who needed a home. It didn't make sense why she was so kind and wanted to help people – nobody was that nice without a hidden motive. I was still trying to figure it out, but the more I observed the girl, the more I began to believe that maybe she was just one of those rare nice people, one of the few left in the world.

Lucky me, I guess.

That same evening, after dinner, I was stretching my legs and going for a walk around the stadium with the intention of making it back to my room to have a quiet night in (the usual for me nowadays).

It wasn't too cold out, the weather finally starting to feel like spring, and the sun had just set so it left me in a rare yet peaceful mood. I was somewhat enjoying the time alone, not really thinking of anything in particular, when I felt something hit my foot. Confused, I stopped and looked down, realising it was a toy car. How did that get there?

Before I could think to do anything, it whirred to life and reversed a little before attempting to drive forward again, once again hitting the tip of my shoe. A second car rolled onto the scene, slamming into the first one at full speed, resulting it in landing upside down. Whoever was controlling it attempted to move it with the controls, the wheels spinning in the air, but it was stuck.

I looked up, very much lost, and spotted a kid cheering in the distance, a remote in hand and grin on her face. Alicia was kneeling beside her, a remote in hand also, and looked like she was scolding her briefly before standing up and meeting my eyes apologetically. Jogging over to me, she smiled awkwardly.

I bent down to pick up the upside down car as the other one drove away, standing up as Alicia stopped before me.

"Hey, sorry about that," she said quickly, eyes darting to the car nervously.

"S'okay," I said, before giving it back to her. Unsure what else to say, I added, "So, er, is this what you do for fun?"

I cringed as soon as I said it, internally kicking myself for sounding like an idiot.

She snickered nervously, shrugging as she played with the car between her fingers. "I found some batteries for them and thought little Aaliyah might want to do something fun."

I glanced over at the young girl in question, watching as she continued to play with her car with a permanent grin fixed on her face. It was strange seeing a child get to be a child, but it felt right. It was how it was supposed to be, and Alicia was pretty sweet to give her this experience.

"Looks fun," was all I could think to say.

Alicia hummed in agreement, glancing over at Aaliyah, too, before her green eyes met mine. "I was going to ask if you wanted to join us earlier, but I... er..."

I realised what she was referring to and immediately felt bad for blowing her off so suddenly.

"Sorry if I offended you," she decided on, sounding genuine. "I know that you're still settling in–"

"No, no need to apologise," I interrupted, feeling mildly guilty for icing her out unnecessarily. "I'm sorry. It was rude of me to decline like I did. You were just being nice and I..." I sighed inwardly. "Thank you for the offer."

She pursed her lips, nodding slowly. I assumed she'd leave it there, but her eyes lingered on mine hopefully before she said, "The offer's still there if you wanna reconsider..."

I paused, surprised that she still wanted to hang out with me after how I'd acted. Then she wiggled the remote a little in her hands in an admittedly cute attempt to entice me, and it annoyingly worked.

A ghost of a smile on my lips, I accepted the remote from her. "Thanks."

Her own smile appeared, softening her features, and she put the car back on the ground for me to use.

I hadn't played with a remote-controlled car since I was a kid, so playing with one now was certainly something. Definitely a time I wouldn't forget, not with Alicia sticking by my side like we were kids in a playground that had suddenly decided to play games with each other. We played together with Aaliyah, engaging in little competitions, and it was admittedly the first time I'd thought about something other than Y/S/N. The first time I'd felt myself smile since coming here.

It was a weird feeling and I almost felt guilty for feeling like I was living again, but I didn't get chance to because Alicia's laughter and Aaliyah's cheering would distract me, and I'd have no need to think otherwise.

Y/S/N and I had stuck together all of our lives and especially during this apocalypse, so I hadn't had room or time for friends since it had all started. I was rusty, clearly, but it was a pleasure to be able to hang out with someone – to hang out with Alicia – and see a potential friendship. Though, I was still in denial about that last part, of course.

The next morning, I was heading to get breakfast as usual, planning to sit alone like I always did. But as I was about to join the queue to collect my food, none other than Alicia found me and joined me with a small smile.

"Good morning," she greeted, lining up behind me in the queue.

It was out of the ordinary for her to greet me, especially since it was obvious I'd been actively avoiding her recently and she knew not to approach me. But last night seemed to have changed the dynamic a little, and I didn't completely hate it.

"Morning." I returned her smile, albeit a little more tired than I wanted.

I moved up the line as trays were being handed out, closer to getting my food, when Alicia spoke up again.

"So, would it be overstepping if I asked if you wanted to sit with me this morning?"

My first instinct was to decline, the words on the tip of my tongue as I glanced over at her. But then she smiled at me – curse her friendly smile – and waited patiently for an answer, and then I remembered how I actually liked being around people last night, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing to say yes.

"It wouldn't, no," I answered, hoping it was the right thing. "Thanks."

She nodded, suppressing her smile as she looked away. "Great."

We both collected our breakfast – something I was still getting used to because of how varied it was every morning – and I followed her to a table. The one she chose already had two people seated there, whom I recognised to be her brother, Nick, and his girlfriend, Luciana. I hadn't formally been introduced to Nick, but I'd heard of him through others over the last week. And of course, Luciana had been with Alicia when they found me.

"Hey, guys," Alicia greeted when she took a seat opposite them. "Y/N is gonna join us this morning. Be nice."

"I'm always nice," Luciana said, making Alicia smile with amusement.

"You're right, Luci, my bad. I obviously meant my idiot brother," she corrected herself, making her brother grin.

I slid in beside Alicia, offering a small, awkward smile to the couple.

"I'm always nice, too, for the record," her brother said to me with a playful smile, before introducing himself. "I'm Nick, Alicia's brother."

"And I'm Luciana, as you know," Luciana added with a friendly smile. "It's nice to properly meet you, Y/N."

"It's nice to meet you both, too," I returned politely, knowing they were just as much in charge of this place as Alicia and her mum, even if they all claimed there was no official 'leaders'. I didn't want to make a bad first impression, though I was sure I was a little late with that.

"How are you finding it here so far? You've been here for a week or so, right?" Luciana asked with genuine interest.

"It's a lot better than what I'm used to," I said truthfully, before looking down at the scrambled eggs in my plate. "I dreamed of eggs once upon a time. Now I actually have them."

She smiled with amusement. "Yeah, it's a little hard to believe sometimes."

"The best bit is when we get to have the beef," Nick said with a satisfied smile, as if remembering something. "We pull out the grill, have a barbecue. It's just like old times."

"Oh, yeah, because back at home you used to love having family barbecues," Alicia said sarcastically, giving her brother a knowing look.

Nick grinned. "You're just jealous that I used to get my burger made before yours."

"It wasn't jealousy," she corrected him, like they'd had this discussion many times. "You used to sit and do nothing whilst I helped mum and dad out with the food, then waltz on in to get served first. It wasn't fair."

"That's not how I remember it," Nick teased, scrunching his nose.

Alicia raised her brows. "You might wanna get your head checked then. Because I'm right."

Nick shrugged, going for a forkful of eggs. "Jealous."

"Right."

"Jealous."

"Right."

I couldn't tell if they were arguing or sharing playful banter, as I looked between them like a tennis match. Luciana glanced at me, unbothered by it.

"You learn to tune it out," she assured me.

I nodded slowly, wondering if that were true, then the Clark siblings finally put their petty argument to rest and turned the conversation back to me.

"So, what did you sign up for today?" Nick asked, making conversation.

"I, er, said I'd help with the cattle," I said. "I'm just kinda trying everything out to see what I like."

"Aww, that's good, you're helping Nick's family out," Alicia teased, looking to her brother with a mischievous smile.

He tried to fight his own smile as he rolled his eyes. "Really funny that was, Alicia. You should be a comedian. Seriously."

"Maybe in a different life, who knows?" she played along, trying to annoy him.

"Though I suppose the audience would be too distracted by your ugly face to listen to the jokes," he added, making her scoff.

"Asshole."

"Says you?"

"Yeah, to you."

They continued to bicker, all of it lighthearted and in good faith, and as Luciana said, she tuned it out and kept eating. I smiled a little, finding their insults to one another amusing, but it also saddened me a little, reminding me of my relationship with Y/S/N, or what it was once like before she started to change.

And just like that, the grief returned, washing over me like a tidal wave, and it only made me hurt more.

"I'm gonna get a head start on my chores," I said suddenly, losing my appetite and not wanting to be here anymore. "Thanks for the company."

As I stood up, about to leave, Alicia looked up at me with concerned eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, and I simply nodded, briefly meeting her gaze before looking away.

"All good. Thanks again." And with that, I left them to it, knowing the temporary happiness was too good to be true.

It was amazing how one thing could put me in a sour mood for the rest of the morning, even as I worked on feeding and washing the cattle with some of the others.

I'd almost felt like myself again, but it was snatched away in an instant, Y/S/N returning to mind. Again, I'd asked the patrols last night if they'd seen or heard anything about her, but still I was met with nothing. She was still out there and I was still in here with no choice but to stay.

Would this place every truly feel like a home to me?

[somebodystoleme]

as the night drifted away | osamu x reader

part 1: you know when it’s time to go | miya atsumu x reader

summary: atsumu thinks back to you while you move on way too fast from him.

w.c: 1,009

a/n: trust me this is just pent up aggression from my ex, also ty sm for all the reblogs and notes last post!! i appreciate it! i will probably re-write this one day. but this is just plain thoughts about love. also making a tags list so lemme know if u would like to join.

warnings: cheating, angst to happy-ending

and i'm sitting on a bench in coney island wondering where did my baby go? the fast times, the bright lights, the merry go sorry for not making you my centerfold

atsumu spends his time sitting on a bench, trying not to cry. which is rich coming from him because he states he never cries. he misses you more than you think. he should be heading home to aurora to listen to her complain about something new she's going through. but he can't bring himself to get off this bench. you used to force him to sit on the bench and watch the stars. he realises now how stupid you must have felt. when everything went down.

he hasn't seen you anymore since you both graduated college. osamu, the only person from college who you insist on talking to, says you're doing well actually. osamu only talks about you, as if we all are still in high school again.

"didya know that y/n got accepted to med school?"

"they apparently got invited to model for some small time company!"

"y/n and kenma started playing video games together."

and he couldn't help but to think that this is his way of punishing him for taking y/n away from him, so many years ago.

y/n's hot pink converse place a little mud each step as you walks to the door and the more steps you take the more freaked out you get. a whole new school and everything. "it's going to fun! c'mon home economics is like, the easiest class alive." aurora stated so matter-of-fact "i know, but-" when aurora opens the wooden door to the classroom, you make eye contact, with a boy of course. but he just kept staring as you walked in. and you couldn't help but stare right back. everyone already had a spot and there was one seat right by him and another by a blonde boy who looked all too well similar to other boy. aurora quickly took the spot by the blonde boy and you couldn't help but to grin at her happiness to finally talk to a boy.

once you took your seat, you smiled at the gray haired boy and told him your name.

"y/n. sophomore."

"osamu. sophomore."

he didn't like talking to you (at least you thought) and he mostly spent his time correcting the teacher on cooking recipes. for the first time, you just stared at him, mostly in shock at how someone could be so good at cooking.

but by the end of the class, you felt at least a little bit closer to him. his favorite food was rice, he had a twin named atsumu, and is the spiker for the high school volleyball team. the more times you pulled up the chair next to him home economics, the closer you got to him.

by the end of freshman year, you were osamu's honorary best friend. his competitive demeanor came out quickly as you two spent the afternoons playing volleyball together when his parents were working.

you ran your hand through your hair, grinning. "c'mon 'samu, i know you can do better." he smirked back at you, "y/n, you're so mediocre at volleyball, don't even."

"i'm still winning-"

"by one point."

"so what?"

atsumu remembered how beautiful you looked playing with osamu. also remembering how much he wanted- no needed- you. he wouldn't tell you but aurora and him were about to start dating but once he saw you he knew he didn't want her.

so he spent his whole highschool chasing after you. he needed you. you just radiated kindness and happiness. you were the teenage dream. he couldn't help but to feel some sort of jealousy towards you. but the more times he coaxed you out of spending time with osamu, the more he realized how different you are.

confidence and beauty.

the more you noticed atsumu running after you, the more you noticed the fact that osamu was avoiding you. you mainly thought that it was because your parents decided to ground you for the whole senior year. (you don't like to admit it but it was because your parents caught you drinking with aurora)

"trust me, 'samu is not mad at you! he just notices that- you and i are closer."

"i mean, tell him we can hang out tomorrow at the cinema." atsumu nods his head in response.

"i'll see you on monday! have a nice weekend." he says before heading to his car.

osamu didn't show up to the cinema but atsumu did. "i'm so sorry y/n- i don't know why he got his panties in such a twist. you and i can go watch a movie, right?" that was the day you realized you were so over osamu and now drunk on atsumu.

you constantly tried to ignore how aurora and atsumu talked and whispered to each other. but you couldn't shake that he likes her. you even had the thought that maybe you and osamu not talking anymore was a curse, maybe he is the better miya twin. but that night, senior prom, he completely proved you wrong. and you two started dating the next day.

as fast as you two started dating, he knew it was over that night. the look in your eyes which he you would've loved him for a lifetime. and the sadness he felt right after watching you leave. as he sits and looks up at the sky he hopes you might be kind when you remember him. even though he wasn't kind to you, he hopes for forgiveness.

you fiddle with the straps of your white dress while also playing with your feet. you can't believe you're sitting in osamu's house after everything. as sappy as it sounds you can't believe you met him, again. he's just perfect.

his light airy smiles right at you. and only at you. you can't help but to feel that it was destiny to end up with osamu.

it all started with atsumu breaking your heart that you found osamu again. sitting in some five star restaurant, post breakup. he knew it was you the second you walked in. he would even serve you just to talk to you again,

"hi y/n."

"osamu, wow, you work here?"

how lucky you are. he might possibly be the better miya twin.

[reader6898]

The Wolfpack Queen

Pairing: OC Talia x Commander Wolffe

Series Summary: Talia joins the Wolfpack as their new medic. Wolffe doesn't understand why everyone likes her. What happens when opposites attract? Sparks will fly between two people who didn't know they needed one another

Series Rating: 18+ (no minors allowed), violence, assault and attempted assault (not descriptive), slavery and mentions of slavery, mentions of prostitution (not descriptive), ptsd, slow burn, angst, eventual smut

Additional tags: future chapters will have chapter warnings because both Wolffe and Talia go through it 😭

Chapter summary: Wolffe and Talia finally meet. Plo Koon suspects Talia might be a Jedi. Wollfe can't seem to get Talia out of his head. Boost and Sinker being a pain in Wolffe's behind as usual

Chapter warning: bit of PTSD from sad memories but that's it. I also apologize for the long chapter

Chapter 5

After you finished up with the two children you sent them on their way with their mother and a few pieces of candy for each of them.

As you cleaned up you thought about the clone that you had seen earlier. You were wondering what he looked like under his helmet that he had never taken off. You knew that he looked like all the other clones but did he have a different hair cut? Did he have any tattoos or piercings? These were the type of questions that you wanted answered. You could just ask who he was but you didn’t want to intrude on this guy's personal space.

As you thought about all of it you were so in the zone that you didn't notice Jax had come up to you until he tapped you on the shoulder. You jumped a little and Jax took a step back. "Whoah, it's just me."

After you came down from the heart attack that Jax didn't mean to give you you looked up at him. "Sorry." " Are you alright, mesh'la?" That name again. You had been called that quite a few times not just by Jax but by other clones as well. You had wondered what it meant but right now you didn't want to ask. Not that you minded being called that anyway. You actually kinda like it when they use that term of endearment. It makes you feel special when they call you by that name.

You nodded your head. "Yeah. Just…thinking." Jax gave you a smile. "Must be thinking pretty hard then." You returned his smile. "Yeah." "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you can go ahead and take a break." "Thanks. I'll just finish up and then I'll go take my break." Jax nodded. "You did really well today." "You think so? I was really nervous." "I do. And there was no need for you to be nervous. I had full confidence in you." You blushed a little at his words. You couldn't remember the last time you had been praised like that. "Thanks. I..feel better knowing that." Jax laughed a little. "Glad I could make your day, mesh'la."

After your little conversation with him Jax walked away and you finished up at your station. Once you were done you packed up your med pack and put it under the little table you had set up for your station then once you had everything put away you went on your break, knowing that you would be here on the planet for a little longer.

As you were taking a walk around the village you bought some food from a couple of vendors and ate while  you looked around at everything. Even with all the destruction that happened the place was still very beautiful. It actually reminded you of the village that you came from and you couldn’t help but feel sad. You were never going to go back there but it’s not like you could anyway. While it had been years since you were in your village you were pretty sure that everything was gone by now. Besides, who would want to go back to a place where nightmares and terror were built on? You shook yourself out of your memories and threw the rest of your little kebob onto the ground for a couple of dogs to eat once you realized that you were no longer hungry.

You continued your little walk and as you came around the corner you ran into general Plo Koon and the man you saw looking at you earlier. You stood at attention and saluted your general. “Sir.” “Ah, Talia. At ease, little one.” You put your arm down and stood in front of the two men. “It is nice to finally see you out of the medbay. Are you enjoying it?” You looked up at the kel dor. “Y-yes, sir. It’s a nice change of pace.” You could feel the other man staring down at you but you didn’t make eye contact with him.

Your barriers had gone up the moment you ran into the two of them so right now you were being very cautious as you didn’t have a clue of who he was. You were also trying to hide the sadness in your face but with a jedi around you were certain that he could feel it and if he did he didn’t mention it. “That is good to hear, young one. Will you be joining us more often?” You nodded your head. “I believe so. I think Jax wants me to get more field experience.” While you couldn’t see it you could tell that the kel dor was smiling behind his mask. “We will be happy to have you join us anytime, Talia.” You gave the general a small smile as he turned to the man standing next to him. “Have you met my commander yet?” “No, sir. I..I’ve been busy.” This time you did look over at the man who you were now guessing was his commander. “Well, I guess now is a good time to introduce you two. This is commander Wolffe and Wolffe, this is our other medic, Talia.” You held your hands together in front of you as you looked up at him with an innocent look. “Hello.”

Since Wolffe was still wearing his helmet you couldn’t see the way his jaw was clenched as he saw how beautiful you looked up more in person. After what felt like an eternity Wolffe manages to unclench his jaw to break the silence between the two of you. “Ma’am.” You gave him a little smile before looking back at Plo Koon. “I best be on my way, sir. It was nice seeing you again.” “Likewise. And if you need to talk to me about anything, you can always come find me, my dear.” “Thank you, sir.” You saluted both of them and hurried on your way back to the medbay.

Both of them watched you walk away and Plo Koon couldn’t help but feel that there was something special about you. It was just like when he first met you. It was the same feeling that a jedi gets when they feel a new youngling’s power. But you couldn’t be. You’re a little old for that. Or could you be? The kel dor stroked his face and Wolffe looked over at him. “Something wrong, general?” The general shook his head. “Nothing is wrong, Wolffe. I will be back. I have to make contact with someone.” Wolffe saluted Plo Koon and watched as his general walked away.

As soon as he made it to the bridge on the ship Plo Koon contacted the rest of the council and told them what he had felt with you. “Are you sure she is one of us, Plo?”, Obi-Wan asked. The kel dor stood with his arms behind his back. “Yes, I believe this young woman has the powers of a jedi, Obi-Wan. I have not seen her use them but I feel that she is strong with the force. I felt it the first time I met her and today I felt it again when my commander and I ran into her.”

Mace Windu looked at him. “If what you say is true and this woman does have the force then it is already too late for her. She is too old to be trained as a jedi. If we had found her when she was younger then it would’ve been possible for her to be trained.” Yoda looked at Plo Koon. “Keep an eye on her , you must. Bring her to us next time you are planet-side, you will. We will see if she is truly one of us.”

Plo Koon bowed his head. “As you wish.” Plo Koon hung up the call and stood there at the holotable for a moment. If you truly had powers of a jedi then yes it would be too late for you but Plo Koon had a plan. If you were a jedi then he could at least teach you how to protect yourself with your powers.But first he would have to watch and see if you had any powers at all.

Wolffe couldn’t get you out of his head. For the rest of the day you were the only thing on his mind and no matter what he did you were all Wolffe could think about. He was so fixated on thinking about you that he didn’t notice that Sinker and Boost had joined him at the table he was sitting at for dinner until a roll was thrown at his head. Wolffe snapped out of it and snarled at his brothers for throwing food at him.

“The kriff was that for?” Boost snickered as Sinker looked at their commander. “You were daydreaming, vod. You had us worried for a second when you didn’t hear us calling you.” Wolffe rolled his eyes. “I’m fine you di’kuts.” “If you say so.” The three of them eat in silence until Boost speaks. “So what were you thinking about?” “None of your kriffin business,” Wolffe mutters through a fork full of food. Boost leans over to Sinker and whispers something in his ear and the two of them silently agree with each other . Wolffe glares at them. “What are you whispering about?” Boost sits up straight and they go back to their food, acting like nothing happened. “Nothing.”

Wolffe lets out a long sigh. “Please, enlighten me with whatever the two of you were just agreeing on. I am not in the mood to play games and if you don’t tell me right now the two of you will be on latrine duty for the next week.” Wolffe’s brothers paled at that thought and cleared their throats before talking. “Well, we were just thinking..that..maybe..you were possibly..” “Thinking about Talia”, Boost shouts as he finishes Sinker’s sentence. Wolffe sat there silently and didn’t say anything. Both their eyes go wide. “You were, weren’t you?” Boost elbows Sinker in the arm with a shit-eating grin on his face. “I told you our vod was thinking about her.”

Both of them laugh as Wolffe stares at them from across the table. “I was not thinking about that natborn.” Sinker catches his breath before speaking while Boost continues to chuckle. “It’s not the end of the world, Wolffe. We’ve all thought about her so don’t worry about being the only one.” Wolffe is now glaring at the two of them but his brothers don’t care as they continue being a pain in his ass. Wolffe ignores them as he finishes his food then stands up. “You two di’kuts are getting latrine duty.” “Oh, come on!” “No fair!” Wolffe walks away from them as they try to get him to come back but he continues ignoring them as he heads back to his tent.

Later that night as Wolffe lies on his cot in the darkness he thinks about what Boost and Sinker said. They were right: he had been thinking about you. He didn’t know what it was about you. You were still on his mind even now. Whatever it was about you, you had completely entranced him and he had just met you earlier that day. It was like you had put all of them, including Wolffe, into a trance and now they couldn’t escape. But was that such a bad thing? Wolffe wasn’t sure. But what he did know was that he had completely misjudged you just from a few simple comments that shinies had said about you in passing.

 You didn’t seem like a bad person and now he regrets not introducing himself to you in the first place. He was just as curious about you as everyone else was and it made him feel sick to his stomach.  Wolffe groaned as he covered his face with his pillow and lied there for a while with his thoughts.

If he didn’t talk to you soon he was going to go mad. Maker, he felt like a shiny straight off Kamino. Wolffe sighed as he placed his pillow back behind his bed and lies back down. Wolffe didn’t know how he was going to make it with you around. But he did know one thing: he didn’t want to lose you. So he came up with a plan to talk to you tomorrow if the two of you weren’t busy.

As soon as Wolffe was satisfied with his plan he rolled over onto his side to try to get some sleep. He continued lying there for a little while longer before the stress of the day finally caught up to him. Wolffe closes his eyes and is soon falling into a deep sleep, dreaming of you and the coming day.

Tagging: @cloneloverrrrr @anxiouspineapple99 @clonethirstingisreal @wings-and-beskar @wizardofrozz @523rdrebel @cw80831 @moonlightwarriorqueen @rexxdjarin @multi-fan-dom-madness @dystopicjumpsuit @deejadabbles @eternal-transcience @starrylothcat

[masterwords]

rest

Summary: A virus sweeps through the Morgan-Hotchner household.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: illness, snot, fevers, meds...but soft and fluffy.

Notes: This is fluff. Just some sickfic fluff set in the Chicago semi-retirement years. How each member of the household deals with it when they get the cold that's going around. All because I wanted to write about Hotch and Clooney, old men napping together. Clooney is the goodest boy and ageless, really. I've had this in my WIP folder forever and it's one of those not getting any better or any more of a plot scenario so...I cleaned it up and now I give it to you. Making room for some new WIPs!

** The Chicago Times Masterlist **

**

The first sneeze of the season was always a benchmark.

In Spring, it let them know the pollen was on the move and that the trees were calling to the bees to do their thing. Derek would pull out the Claritin first, choosing not to even mess with the itchy eyes one moment. Hotch, on the other hand, would wait. His system was already inundated by pills of varying shapes and sizes, medications that ranged from benign to downright sinister, so a stuffy nose and some dry itchy eyes were not the end of the world.

Virginia hadn't ever treated him too badly, but he was convinced that Chicago meant him harm. Still, he persisted with a handkerchief stuffed into his pocket and saline drops for his dry eyes. He could wear his glasses now without fear of ridicule...it was almost expected of a man in his position. They may have clashed with his suit and tie, but they were the perfect accessory for his sweaters and khakis.

So, the first sneeze of Spring didn't worry him much.

The first sneeze of Autumn, however, set off the alarm bells. It was almost always Jack first with Derek hot on his heels. Hotch and Hank were sitting ducks, waiting for whatever germs the two of them brought home to fully culture inside their walls.

“Already?” Hotch asked, watching Derek rummage through the medicine cabinet for that damn box of DayQuil he knew was in there. “It's awfully early in the school year for this.”

“Tell that to my students. Jackson was puking in the trash can at football practice last night, Burkhardt was spitting loogies all over the damn field and where the fuck is my DayQuil?”

Hotch didn't even look up from the stack of papers he was grading. “Top shelf, right. Behind the contact solution.” His classes didn't start until 11, he really didn't even need to be up yet. Derek, on the other hand, should have been out the door a half hour ago and was certainly going to be late.

“It's not there.”

Hotch hummed. “Check under the sink, maybe you need to open a new package.”

Sick days were a menace at best. Everyone was grouchy, not a kind word in sight. Jack trudged around the house with kleenex shoved up his nose like walrus tusks and insisted on staying home while simultaneously refusing to actually rest. A nap was out of the question, which was a cause for more than one argument when Hotch demanded to know why he wouldn't nap when he was sick but he was nearly impossible to get out of bed in the mornings. Tensions ran high. To top it all off, his kleenex never quite seemed to make it to a trash can and Hotch found himself walking around picking up wads of the stuff from every surface of the whole house, scarcely wanting to imagine the state of the kid's room. That task he made Jack deal with on his own. He had his limits.

Derek was terrible at being sick. The minute he had a sniffle, he was grouchy. Angry at his body's betrayal. “Why do I workout so much, huh? Drinkin' those nasty green smoothies every damn day and for what? Huh?” Punctuate that with a cough or a sneeze and he was a mess. Hotch would only find it in him to smile, to press the back of his hand to Derek's fevered forehead and tell him to sleep it off.

“You always fight it off faster when you sleep,” Hotch said, guiding him toward the bed. “Take the day off.”

“I can't.” Cough, cough, wheeze. “We've got varsity tryouts today. I got some real boneheads thinkin' they're gonna make it and that damn assistant coach they gave me this year is a bleeding heart.” Sneeze. “He'll tell 'em all they got the job just to avoid the talk.”

Hotch had to smile at that. Derek had been complaining about his assistant coach since the summer, but he was a nepotism hire so Hotch understood and there wasn't anything he could do short of taking on twice the work himself so he could save himself the trouble on the back end. Unfortunately that meant going to work sick, pumping himself full of Sudafed and DayQuil at what he deemed to be safe intervals though Hotch had other opinions on the matter.

“Go lie down, I'll make you some tea. At least go in late. Take a half day.”

Thoughtfully, Derek considered the option. He was already late. Tryouts weren't until 4 anyway. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah...good idea.” He slept all day, right on through the tryouts, and didn't have enough energy to be upset about that when he finally did wake. Hotch stuffed him full of tea with honey, vitamins, extra water and a few more kisses right to the top of his head before leaving him to sleep.

He slept on the couch that night, his final attempt to stave off the germs. Clooney slept behind his knees, curled up in a ball there.

It only took a few days before Derek and Jack were on the mend, were carrying around the last of the dry coughs and stuffy sinuses. They would wake up in the morning and hack hack hack, then be fine by the time their showers were over.

Being the newest kid on the block, it only took a few days to take Hank the Tank down entirely. After that, Hotch knew it was only a matter of time before he followed suit. His immune system would fight the longest and crash the hardest. If you looked at most of the scattered pill bottles in their medicine cabinet, you would see plenty that read with simple, off-putting language like do not consume with alcohol, or may cause drowsiness, but then you would stumble on that token few that claimed that they might make it harder to fight off infections. He did a damn good job of not getting them in the first place, at least until now...until Hank. But he couldn't resist the little guy and his weepy eyes and snotty nose, his fevered skin and damp curls. Hank would hold his arms out and beg to be held by Hotch and Hotch alone, and what could he do but say yes and scoop him up? How do you tell a squishy little two-year-old no when all they want is a hug (and to rub their snot all over you)?

“You're toast,” Derek muttered, breezing through the room to try and find his slacks. The nice ones. He had meetings all morning with athletic scouts, setting up dates and times for them to come and check out his players. “You know that right?”

Hotch nodded and pressed his cheek into Hank's curls, closing his eyes. He was well aware that he was absolutely in for it. Didn't stop him from kissing Hank's forehead and humming little songs to him while the kid drooled all over his t-shirt.

Waking at 2am with the chills wasn't exactly out of place, except when he was buried beneath three blankets already. He pushed further beneath the covers and huddled there, basking in Derek's warmth, until he fell back asleep.

Waking at 7am dizzy, unable to focus his eyes...that one was a little more concerning. Swiping one hand over the nightstand, he found his glasses and that helped tremendously with one of the problems. It did nothing to ease the swaying dizzy feeling as he sat himself up, but at least he could see. “Derek?” he asked, pawing at the bed behind him until he touched the lump of blankets that he presumed was his lover. “Derek?”

“Mmmfff...” Derek grumbled, his face deep in a pillow. “Mmf?”

“I need your help, please.”

He'd gotten good at that, recently. Asking for help. One of the stipulations, agreed upon up front, like forging a treaty between warring villages. Derek wouldn't put up with him collapsing, excusing himself to do so, not again. No more avoidable scares. And Derek, to his credit, took every plea for help with alacrity. He never so much as batted an eyelash at it, he would drop everything to come and he always did so with a brightness that made Hotch feel at ease no matter what situation he found himself in.

This morning was no different. The minute he said the word help, Derek was sitting upright rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What's up baby?”

“I need to use the bathroom,” Hotch started, a little sheepishly. “But I'm too dizzy to stand.”

“Hank the Tank's cooties got you, huh?”

“Looks like it.”

With Hotch settled against his side, hand possessive and firm against his hip, Derek walked them to the bathroom. He nudged Clooney's sleeping form out of the way and flipped on the light. The bathroom was always warmer than the bedroom, a fact that was not lost on Clooney and his old bones. By the time Hotch was leaning against the sink, staring into his pale and drawn features reflected back at him, he wasn't feeling quite so bad. The dizzy feeling had all but passed.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and Derek took that as his cue to leave him to his business. Clooney had taken up residence on the bed in the warmth they'd vacated, he noted with some sourness, when he exited the bathroom. Hotch wouldn't mind. He'd call in sick and spend the day in bed with the dog now that he was the only one sick in the house. Everyone else would leave, let them to their peace and quiet. Two old men who genuinely adored hearing the creaks of a settling foundation over loudly talking voices. The hum of a refrigerator over music. The whistle of wind through their sparsely treed yard over the television. They love their family, but in times like this, quiet was the best medicine. Hotch was willing to ask for help, but he still wanted to be by himself when he didn't feel well.

“You call in?” Derek asked, bringing Hotch tea in bed. Hotch nodded and shifted his hips, trying to get comfortable around the deeply settled ache in his joints. He was radiating heat. Derek had already taken his temperature once, not alarmingly high yet but he'd take it again when he came home from work...or maybe he'd send his mother over to check on him in a few hours. She would have Hank for the day anyway.

“Go to work, I'll be fine.”

Clooney was lying beside him, the length of his back firm against the length of Hotch's side. Pressed in heavy. Hotch let one hand rest on Clooney's chest, against his ribs, delighting in the gentle rise and fall of the sleeping animal's breath.

“Your nurse is sleeping on the job.”

“He does that.” Hotch didn't cough, and he didn't sneeze. The cold settled deep into his sinuses and his chest, but only made everything ache and feel tight. Like he was pulling in on himself and expanding to his limits all at the same time. His skin hurt and his eyebrows hurt and his head hurt. More or less, everything hurt. It made his ears get stuffy, for a few days his hearing would be shot.

But there was no snot, and he considered that a win.

There was a time in his life when he would have pushed through, gone to work, pretended he was okay. He'd moved through one of the worst cases of his life feeling as bad as this once upon a time. He'd come face to face with George Foyet, handed him his glasses and told him that they'd catch The Reaper...he'd hung up on the man in his own hotel room...all with a fever high enough to warrant medical attention, and he'd watched Derek hold up the bullet intended for his head while that fever broke and left him chilled to the bone and hoping no one could tell he was sweating it out. Of course, Derek knew, had confronted him after, a fact that later led to their current ask for help agreement. Well, one of many facts. His life was a list of such occasions, such learning experiences.

You can teach an old dog new tricks, he thought hazily, his eyes heavy and unfocused as Derek kissed him on the forehead and told him he'd see him later. Maybe, maybe not. He intended to sleep well into the next century, the way he felt right then. Tired didn't even begin to cover it, and he dozed off thinking of every word in every language he knew that could account for how tired he was. None came close. Probably, he thought as he lost his battle with conscious thought, there was a phrase in German that would perfectly sum it up. Something about being so tired your bones ached, that would do.

He wouldn't remember that when waking. A pity, too.

Fran delivered chicken soup to him, secret Morgan family recipe that she claimed could kick any virus' patootie, and kept an eye on him while she cleaned up their house. It didn't really need much, they kept things tidy, but they didn't get into all of the cracks and crevices. She could do that to keep herself occupied while she waited for Derek to return home. Hotch and Hank slept soundly, flanking Clooney, all afternoon and well into the evening without stirring. It was Hank that woke first, hungry and weepy. His cold was mostly gone but he was crying a lot more than usual, and exhausted.

Hotch only woke once to sit up, wonder at the fuzzy face of the clock, trying to reason out the numbers that blurred one into the other. Deciding it wasn't of any real importance because he didn't plan to do anything other than roll over, he adjusted himself to the other hip, curled around Clooney, and went back to sleep.

“You have a lovely family,” Fran said, pulling Derek in for a hug before leaving for the night. “I adore each of you very much. But if I get sick...”

“You're sending me the bill. Got it.”

She patted him on the cheek and smiled up at him. “Good boy. I love you dear.”

“Love you too, moms.”

[doxiehasfeelings]

Started this as a lil side blog following my absolutely collapse into feelings from having forgotten request my repeat prescription of Effexor.

Context: I've been on various anti-depressants for years and years now (Zoloft, Effexor are the big two, but I've also been on Prozac, Celexa and more). Last year was a year of tremendous change and healing for me: it turned out I 'just' had ADHD and a butt load of unprocessed trauma that got addressed with my diagnosis, starting Vyvanse, and undertaking a set of EMDR sessions back in the summer of last year.

I've felt so... secure since then. I work professionally with a bunch of clinical psychologists/therapists/mental health folks and during the Vyvanse shortage in October time was the only blip I had - turns out I can manage my feelings when I am not immediately drowning in them! Wild, I know.

Back to now: Anyhow, while suffering from the worst brain zaps I've had in a long time, I'm realising that Effexor has just been numbing my feelings all along and I don't actually want that to happen. I knew this to an extent: I requested to go back onto antidepressants after a year of not being on them after I developed PTSD-symptoms following surgery and an inciting incident at work. I did this because I knew that it would blunt those feelings and I didn't want to take time off work while I waited for therapy to start (I don't regret this, but I also don't recommend it).

However this is actively harming me now and so I need to come off them. I realised this today following me forgetting to re-order my medication. Subsequently, I've not taken Effexor in 3 days now. I'm not anxious, I'm not depressed, but I am incredibly sad. My mother died in January, and while I've cried a bit and been sad, I've never thought that I reacting with the intensity that I expected to. Grief is different for everyone and how we react is completely unique depending on so many different variables.

But my mother died unexpectedly and suddenly in her sleep at a very young age. She was my inspiration and my rock and I love her very much. On reflection, I have spent the last few months mostly disassociated. I've had a few tears, but nothing from what I expected. Today is the first time I've actually felt grief in a way that I kept expecting to feel after my wonderful Mum vanished from my life. I've cried for nearly an hour now and am tearful while writing this. It feels like I've finally unlocked a part of me that I couldn't access before now.

So! I've requested a medication review with my GP, I'm going to come off Effexor. As tempting as it is to just go cold-turkey (given how I'm feeling right now and the fact that I'm already accidentally two days into this, I ran out of meds on Sunday) but I'm also not an idiot so will be tapering off slowly.

(Verywellmind.com on the symptoms of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome)

I want to reiterate: I am a grieving adult woman who has experienced sad things happening to her. Having feelings is normal! Having sad feelings is normal!

I guess I'm starting this as a way to chronicle my own journey though my emotional wellbeing and how I'm starting to move away from relying on medication to manage my feelings.

This is not a blog that attacks medication and the need of it for folks who have issues around their mental health. For some people, medication for mental health is a requirement to live a healthy life and this absolutely should not be ignored. If you need an anti-depressant, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotic etc etc, keep on it. I'm working with my health providers to ensure I'm healthy while doing this, and my context is very different to that of a lot of other folks.

[unifox]

Period.

~Pairing: Chani x reader (with a uterus {no gender specified tho, I don't know if it worked but I tried my best!})

~Genre: fluff 

~Warnings: food and period-related things

~Words: 630

~Summary: You deal with your period in the most nonchalant way possible. So much so that Chani never noticed you at that time of the month.

a/n: Hello! Found this Draft from 2021 and decided to finally finish it. I hope You guys like this one!

Here's a Scenario game! in case anyone is interested in asking for a prompt ~Foxy🦊

~Masterlist~

Chani kept side-eyeing Youngbin’s girlfriend as she kept grunting. 1/3 worried and 2/3 annoyed he asked

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah” was her short and direct answer, not even bothering to look at him

He shrugged and went back to scrolling through Instagram when Youngbin busted through the door and presented his girlfriend with a bag

“I got you chocolate and ice cream. Plus your pads and some painkillers” he said while kissing her forehead

She only then opened a bright smile and hugged her boyfriend repeatedly saying thank you. She then got up and ran to the toilet

“What’s up with her?” Chani mumbled

Youngbin with his sharp hearing answered that she was on her period

Chani stopped and started to think back to the last time you, his s/o was on your period but he couldn’t recall a single moment. Of course, his thinking face didn't go unnoticed by Youngbin and his girlfriend who just returned from the toilet.

"Don't you do anything to y/n? You should spoil them ” Bin's Gf questioned Chani

"I… I've never witnessed their period…" he asked

"Haven't you guys been together for 6 months now…? How have you not witnessed it yet…" Youngbin began to wonder, making Chani shrug

"How would I know that they're on their period?” Chani asked the two older

"Well, they could have cramps, mood changes, go to the toilet a lot, cravings… It really changes from person to person”

Thinking about the symptoms, Chani could't remember a single time he witnessed one of those. Oh well, he should ask you about it.

You actually act nonchalantly about your period. Cramps? Take some meds. Mood changes? Yours are not that noticeable and you're a good actor/actress. Cravings? Use that delivery app. You could say you're pretty independent and that's why your period passes unnoticed by your boyfriend. You never felt the need to call him to do anything for you when that time of the month comes after all, way too many years passed with you dealing with it on your own

A month passed and Chani kept on trying to find any signs that you were on your period. When he thought he finally figured it out because you've been upset for a whole week, you simply vented.

"My boss is being a real pain in the ass this week. Everybody agrees that the project needs more time to fully develop and improve but he doesn't care! He just wants us to finish it quickly to brag to his superior! That selfish bastard… ”

One day, Chani walks into your apartment to you angrily sipping water

"What… What happened?”

"I just wanted a mocha frappuccino but I can't drink caffeine OR milk right now. That's annoying” You said now pouting at him

"And why is that?” he asked sitting next to you and putting his arm over your shoulders

"I'm on my period. That usually worsens my cramps” You mentioned and went back to drinking your water

oh? I guess that's his cue to confront you about it

"You know, I've been talking to Youngbin and his girlfriend, and they kind of judged me for not spoiling you when you're on your period. Does that make you upset? That I didn't notice it before?” He said cautiously but honestly

"Oh… Not really, I guess I'm just used to dealing with it on my own. Some cuddles when I have cramps would be nice tho” You responded a bit surprised. You weren't expecting Chani to spoil you since throughout your relationship it wasn't really something that occurred a lot, it was just how you both were, but his willingness to change touched your heart.

"How about cuddles to chase this bad mood away? I guess you can't have that frappuccino now but you can have some cuddles… And your favorite takeout. How about that”

"That sounds wonderful baby, thank you” You pecked Chani on the lips

[sunnyie-eve]

5 || Believe In Me

Series: Trust | Maze Runner (Thomas x OFC)

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: Might be a few mistakes

| MASTERLIST |

"Last time you did something like that, going against Gally, was when you broke up with him." Newt says, making me glare at him.

"He's gotta be put in his place and I have faith in Thomas. He's different." I explain to him.

"Because he reminds you of yourself... the curious side." Newt rubs my shoulders as I sit back down.

"I hate whoever put us here. Why make us go through all this?" I try to calm down.

"Wish I had an answer for that." Newt says as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I believe Thomas will get us out of here." I say what I feel.

"I hope so." Newt says as Clint and Jeff rush in.

"It's the girl." Newt rushes out while I take my time.

I see the guys trying to calm her down as she throws supplies down at them from the tower. Even with me trying to talk to her she doesn't stop till Thomas shows up and she lets him up.

"Did you lose yourself like that?" Minho asks me.

"Dude, I ran straight into the maze and got lost for a few days..." I say making the guys look at me then look away.

"What's going in up there?" Gally asks Thomas.

"Is she coming down?" Newt asks him.

"Hey, listen, you guys just give us a second, okay?" Thomas says so I agree.

"All right. Come on." I tell the guys still standing around.

"Is this what all girls are like?" Fry asks making me slap his shoulder.

"Gally, let's go." I tug on his arm so he turns to leave.

"What's with you?" Gally grabs my hand stopping me from walking away with Newt.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Letting the Greenie get away with breaking rules, letting him talk to her alone... not panicking about the box not going back down. Wanting to keep Alby tied up to the bed..."

I cut him off, "I am panicking about the Box but I can't let everyone see that a Gally. I'm keeping Alby in here because I can't just throw him in the maze... he saw me when I was super broken and he helped me after me being alone here for a month. And the Greenie's name is Thomas, and I may seem that way to you, but he's the only person who's actually making progress in that maze." I explain to him trying not to yell at him.

"You've known him for two days Elizabeth. How can you trust him so much?" Gally let's go of my hand.

"Because he reminds me of myself when I first got here and I believe he can get us out of here." I huff.

"I can't believe you."

I laugh at him, "This is the main reason I broke up with you."

He raises an eyebrow, "What? You broke up with me because of Thomas? Who wasn't even here yet..."

I slap his chest getting upset, "You're so stupid Gally... Because you never believed in me and my choices I made for the Glade. You always tried to make me do what you thought was best. You have always made me feel like I wasn't good enough to run this place or even be here." I can't help but cry.

"Bess,"

I shake my head at him, "Stop calling me that please. Especially right now." My voice cracks.

"Elizabeth, I never meant to make you feel that way." He brings his hand to my face but I step back.

"If you didn't... you still wouldn't make me feel that way. Especially when you loved me." I laugh with tears in my eyes.

"I still do." He sighs making me close my eyes.

"Then you have no excuse." I walk away from him and Newt joins me.

"Don't cry about him." Newt wipes my tears away as we walk to the med hut. Thomas ends up coming in with Teresa with the syringes she came up with.

"We don't know who sent it, or why it came up here with you. I mean, for all we know, this could kill him." Newt tells him and I take it from him.

"Newt, he's already dying. I don't think this is going to make it any worse. It's all we got." I say making him look at me and agree with me. "Do it." I give it back to Thomas.

Thomas, Newt, Clint, and Jeff have to hold him down while Teresa stabs him with it. Newt says someone has to stay and watch Alby around the clock. "Hey. Sundown, Greenie. Time to go." Gally comes in to get Thomas.

"So you were the only girl before I showed up?" Teresa asks me as we watch Alby alone.

"Yeah." I nod my head.

"When did you come up?" She asks.

"I was the very first. I'm in charge around here." I let her know making her laugh.

"I bet some of the guys hate following orders from a girl."

I start to laugh, "Very little. Most respect me because I've gone through a lot."

She pats my knee, "I can imagine how stressed you are right now with me showing up and the Box not going back down."

I nod my head, "I won't let these guys see though. I hate showing my weak side to them."

"Hearing how long you've been here and still being the top, you've proven yourself to these guys."

I give her a smile, "Thank you. Can you watch Alby? I'll go get you something to eat." I leave the hut getting food for her taking it to her then go back to sneak some to Thomas.

"Who's there?" Thomas asks.

"Just me. I would've said the only girl but that's not true anymore." I laugh sitting on the ground next to the door.

"Sorry, Lizzie." He says making me smile.

"Here. You'll run better on a full stomach." I hand him the food through the bars.

"Thanks, Lizzie." I let out a giggle confusing him.

"When did you decide to call me Lizzie?"

"Well Chuck calls you that so I thought I could." He says nervously.

"Chuck was the only one that calls me that but you can too." I say making him smile some.

"What's between you and Gally? I saw you two talking when I was with Teresa. Looked like you were crying."

I let out a big sigh, "We used to date. I know, hold your laugher." I watch Thomas's face.

"Why?" He laughs.

"He wasn't my first pick of the litter at least." I laugh.

"Excuse me?" He laughs.

"Before him, there was a small thing with someone else but it wasn't right that way." I explain.

"Let me guess, Newt?" I nod my head.

"We love each other but not that."

"Did or do you still love Gally?" He asks making me look over at the fire in the distance.

"Part of me will always have a spot for him even though he hurt me." I try not to tear up.

"Please tell me not physically." Thomas gets up walking over to me.

"No, not physically. It was him never believing in me which lead to me breaking up with him. Never in the choices, I made for the Glade. Always tried to make me do what he thought was best. Always makes me feel like I'm not good enough here. He then tried saying he didn't mean for it to come off that way." I laugh as Thomas reaches out grabbing my hand taking me by surprise.

"I've been here for two days and I know you're good enough for the Glade. You told your biggest secret before everyone knew it which proved you're the best to be in charge. Who else has survived multiple nights in the maze? You. And you aren't showing anyone how stressed you are right now with Alby stung, with how the box isn't going back down, and suddenly another girl coming up being the last one ever." He gives my hand a squeeze.

"Thank you, Tommy."

I make him smile, "Who said you can call me Tommy?" We both laugh as Chuck comes up.

"I brought him food." Chuck tells me.

"Looks like you get extra food. I should go before Gally realizes I'm being biased." I get up leaving them to talk.

"How's your ankle?" Minho walks into my bunk area.

"Feeling better. Don't need the crutches that much anymore." I give him a smile.

"Newt told me Gally was getting to you again." He comes to sit by me.

"Newt tells you everything." I lay back.

"Well, we're the only ones who know how much he affects you. Newt's your best friend, and I'm basically your brother." He pokes my side.

"I don't see the resemblance." I joke with him.

"I hate you." He laughs.

"I love you too, Minho." I sigh.

"Hey, I'm proud of you. Learning about you in the maze, calling the shots to make Thomas a runner, not breaking under the pressure. I hope you see why we all believe in you running the Glade. You've proven yourself and we look up to you." I start to cry at his words making him pull me up into his arms.

"That means so much to me. You, Newt, Thomas, hell the new girl Teresa has told me this all in one day." I wipe my tears away laughing.

"Why is she crying? Why are you crying?" Newt shows up.

"They're happy tears." I let him know as he joins the hug.

[whats-wild-to-you]

Dr. Daredevil (Jay Park AU)

Lee Kangmin

I covered my ears when Chaeyeon squealed, cheerfully chewing on her steak. She reached out, pinching my cheek.

"I can't believe you're here!"

After only one interview, which lasted less than 30 minutes, I was hired.

I stared at Kim Donghyun incredulously. He didn't appear to be joking. I really got the job. Chaeyeon was the first to know, mainly because she was standing outside Director Kim's office, pacing up and down. She jumped in my arms, just like she had done earlier that morning when she greeted me at the door.

I had to admit, I had missed her. We had so much to catch up on.

"So, you're the infamous Lee Kangmin!"

Soojung, her best friend, had joined us for lunch. Apparently they were friends since med school, even though I couldn’t picture the person staring back at me go anywhere near blood. Chaeyeon insisted on taking us to a bistro across the street from the hospital.

I nodded timidly and stuffed my mouth with more steak. Soojung peeled her gaze off me and stared at Chaeyeon. Then her eyes rested on me again. To say that I felt uncomfortable would be an understatement. I felt like I was being interrogated.

"How long have you known each other?" Soojung asked me after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

"Four years! Now eat your food!" Chaeyeon chimed in, making her friend scoff.

I winked at Chaeyeon, silently thanking her for stepping in.

Chaeyeon

I had no idea I would get a stomach ache when I suggested having lunch with my two best friends. Soojung was being weird from the moment she met Kangmin, as if he posed a threat to her. Every attempt to kick her leg under the table resulted in her asking Kangmin even more uncomfortable questions.

"I want you two to get along!" I said, while my gaze focused on Soojung.

But then something else caught my attention and from the corner of my eye I saw a familiar figure entering.

He must be a regular here...

For a moment I contemplated asking Kang Hyuntae to join us but I didn't trust Soojung to behave.

He sat down a few tables over, smiling at me. I acknowledged his presence with a nod.

"Who's that?" I heard Soojung whisper in my ear.

"No one."

"He's flirting with you!"

"No, he’s not!"

After we finished our food, I paid and dragged both Soojung and Kangmin out of the bistro. Looking back one last time, I saw Kang Hyuntae talking on the phone with somebody while he looked amusingly at me.

Jaebeom

I ran into Kim Donghyun in the hallway and immediately stopped him. We didn't see each other a lot these days. For the most part he let me be. Something I was very grateful for.

"I see you hired a new doctor?" I baited him, despite already knowing about the new hire.

"Yes. Dr. Baek recommended him and after I interviewed him I must say he's an excellent fit for our hospital."

I had run into him the day he came in for his interview. Hyuntae and I were going to get coffee when we saw Chaeyeon tiptoeing back and forth at the entrance. We stopped and stared at her for a while, until a man walked through the entrance and Chaeyeon met him halfway, jumping in his arms.

Are they dating?

Unlikely.

I immediately looked for Nurse Jung. She knew everything about everyone, the first thing she did when she started working here was to befriend Kim's secretary. Smart girl. Maybe she could tell me who the strange man was.

'Ah, the new doctor? He was Dr. Baek's colleague in Andong. The two of them worked really close together for four years.'

'Anything else?'

She had shook her head but promised to fill me in as soon as she found out more.

"He's really good. I want you to become his mentor, he could learn a lot from you!" Kim added, and I had to suppress a snort.

"Of course." I bowed and excused myself.

Lee Kangmin

I couldn't believe how much more eventful my life had become since I moved to Seoul although it had only been one week.

Every day I got to be in the OR, sometimes I would observe, other times I would operate myself. I was working with a different doctor every day and each one of them praised my abilities. I didn't get to see Chaeyeon a lot, nor did I see her name on the OR board.

I was already 16 hours into my shift when I saw her walk into the break room. Quickly I followed her.

"Hey! You're more elusive than Bigfoot! I came here thinking I would see you every day!" I pouted, plopping down on the couch next to her.

"Same goes for you, mister! But I'm glad you feel comfortable here."

She looked exhausted, but before I could ask her about her day, she beat me to it.

"I saw your name a lot on the OR board today, Dr. Lee!"

"And I didn't see yours anywhere near it! What's going on?"

"Not here!" She whispered when she saw the door spring open.

I recognized the two doctors immediately. Ahn So Hee and Yoon Ahnjong. Both had welcomed me warmly, giving me lots of valuable tips on the way.

"Has anyone of you seen Dr. Park?"

I watched as Chaeyeon shook her head disparagingly. I had only heard of Dr. Park, but I hadn't met him yet. Both, Director Kim and my attending, Dr. Song, sang high praises of him and promised me I would become an excellent surgeon if I stuck to him.

"Oh, well, carry on then."

They disappeared, and Chaeyeon's expression had turned dark and moody when I turned to look at her.

"Wow! That Dr. Park must be really busy."

"Don't get your hopes up. He banned me from his OR. I guess he'll do the same to you!"

I had so many questions, but Chaeyeon got up and walked away without another look.

Chaeyeon

"Get me a spot in Dr. Park's OR."

I had tracked down Kang Hyuntae and dragged him inside a storage room where we could talk freely.

"Dr. Bae-"

"It's Chaeyeon. And no! You listen to me. I'm a good surgeon. I came here to improve, not let my talent go to waste! Dr. Song can't help me either as he gave Dr. Park full control of his service. I need to be in one of his surgeries. I don't need to be cutting anything, I just need to be there!"

I had understood pretty early on that if you wanted to be respected and admired by the doctors working at SNUH, you had to be on Park Jaebeom's good side. I could be saving the lives of one patient after the other, it meant nothing if I didn't have Dr. Park's recognition.

I was sure Kang Hyuntae knew this too.

"It's not that easy."

"Then tell me what I have to do to get on his good side."

"Let me talk to him. I'll persuade him, but it won't happen overnight. You have to give me some time."

Frustrated, I raised my arms, taking a step back. Kang Hyuntae sighed before he smiled at me faintly and slowly walked out of the room.

Kang Hyuntae

Thank God my shift ended early. I didn't want to drag this out any longer. There was only one person who could make Jaebeom change his mind about Baek Chaeyeon.

As I sat across the table from Jaebeom's grandfather, I could feel my heartbeat getting stuck in my throat. I had only met him a couple times and the last time I did had been years ago.

"... if Jaebeom keeps her away from his OR, she'll know something's wrong!"

"Do you trust her to keep his secret? You said yourself you don't know her that well!"

"I don't, but I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character."

"That's not enough!"

I knew exactly what the chairman was alluding to. He wanted a scapegoat. Someone who would take the fall if things went south.

Was I really considering risking my career for someone I barely knew?

"I'm vouching for her, uijangnim."

"Will you also take responsibility if any problems arise?"

There it was!

"Yes, sir!"

That's all he wanted to hear. That his precious grandson’s reputation would remain unharmed.

"Fine, then. I will run a background check on her and let Jaebeom know."

I bowed my head and exited the chairman's ridiculously expensive mansion. Somehow it felt as if I just made a deal with the devil. I needed a drink ASAP.

Jaebeom

I tried to reach Kang Hyuntae, to inform him of some changes in my OR schedule, but he must've turned his phone off.

The next morning I was summoned to my grandfather's mansion. I told him I needed to get to work but the old man was adamant that I had to see him first.

"What is it?" I cried out as soon as I entered his study.

"Let Dr. Baek into your OR."

I was having trouble breathing. The feeling was all too familiar.

A panic attack.

Did he even know what he was asking of me?

"Kang Hyuntae came by last night. He's going to take full responsibility if something goes wrong."

"I- Harabeoji!"

"Don't bother protesting. It's a done deal. If you keep Dr. Baek away from your OR any longer she's going to know something's wrong!"

I nodded demoted and left right away. In the car I tried to call Kang Hyuntae again. I was mad at him. But the confrontation would have to wait. We needed to align our stories before allowing Dr. Baek in our team.

Nurses Jung and Choi were already waiting for me in my office. It was a small but impressive room away from the bustle on the east wing of the hospital. Director Kim insisted on giving it to me, under the condition that I would keep it hidden from other residents. No one needed to know I was getting special treatment. I never used it anyway, it was more of a storage room than anything else. Only Nurses Jung and Choi and Kang Hyuntae knew this room even existed.

"What's the matter? Why did you call us here?" Nurse Jung demanded as I stepped foot into the room. She had informed me of my changed schedule late last night.

I wanted to tell her to be patient, that we needed to wait for Dr. Kang, but the second I opened my mouth he walked through the door.

"I guess you talked to the chairman."

I averted my gaze from him, taking a deep breath before I spoke. "Nurse Jung, please add Dr. Baek's name in one of my upcoming surgeries. Nothing difficult or life-threatening."

I waited for her response but she looked like she misheard me.

"Nurse Jung! Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Doctor." She finally said, but I could still hear the surprise in her tone.

"You all know what you have to do!"

I locked eyes with everyone and held their gaze before moving on to the next person.

"Alright. You may go now!"

Chaeyeon

I didn't believe my eyes when I checked the OR board a few days after I had talked to Kang Hyuntae. I remembered clearly him telling me that it would take a while before he would be able to convince Jaebeom. I didn't expect it to only take days.

"Congratulations!" I whirled around, looking in the eyes of Ahn So Hee.

She was surprised, impressed, and dare I say, a little jealous too.

"I've been trying for a while now to get in one of his surgeries."

"I'll be probably just observing. I was being a pain in the ass to Dr. Song lately, and I guess he went and complained to Dr. Park."

My lie couldn't have been further from the truth. But I was uncomfortable sharing that I had approached Dr. Kang, asking for a favor. Several colleagues had seen us when we had lunch the other day and I was afraid some might start crazy rumors about the two of us secretly dating.

"Well, it doesn't really matter how you got in. What matters is that you got in."

I wanted to say something but Ahn So Hee had disappeared as suddenly as she had appeared.

I couldn't afford to lose her as an ally and made a mental note to look for her after the surgery.

After all, it was a simple one. But that was beside the point. All I really wanted to see was Park Jaebeom operate.

Nurse Choi walked past me to take the patient to the OR and prep him for surgery.

I was the last one to enter the OR. Kang Hyuntae nodded when he saw me but Park Jaebeom didn't pay me any attention. I expected nothing else from him.

Intimidated, I stood off to the side, only having partial view of the patient.

Dr. Park made four small incisions in the patient's abdomen for a laparoscopic gallbladder removal and proceeded to insert a tube with a tiny video camera and the surgical tools inside those incisions. I noticed that Nurse Jung stuck to Park Jaebeom like glue, while Kang Hyuntae was standing on the other side. It seemed weird to me that they needed two doctors and two nurses for a routine gallbladder removal.

Dr. Park clipped off the gallbladder in record time and proceeded to remove it when bile leaked out, obstructing his ability to see.

"Crap! We have to open him up!"

Under these circumstances it was impossible to finish the surgery without risk of further injuring other organs.

Dr. Park asked for a scalpel and hovered over the patient's exposed abdomen while Nurse Choi sterilized the field. I noticed that his hand was trembling.

I looked over to Kang Hyuntae who stood there with furrowed eyebrows, looking ready to pounce on Jaebeom at any given moment.

What the hell? It's not even that dire!

I caught Nurse Jung whisper something to Jaebeom and he began making a 6-inch incision below the patient's ribs. He pulled back the muscles and tissue and revealed the liver and gallbladder.

All that needed to be done now was for him to clip the bile duct and perform an endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography but Jaebeom's hand was frozen mid-air.

What's the hold-up?, I wanted to scream but then Dr. Kang leaped forward and took the scalpel from Jaebeom.

"Stand back!" He snapped at Jaebeom and swiftly repaired the damage.

My head was buzzing. This was an easy procedure. Textbook. How could Jaebeom mess it up?

Nurse Jung left, and Nurse Choi assisted Dr. Kang while Jaebeom looked on from a distance. Eventually he left too.

After Dr. Kang sutured the patient and exited the OR, I pulled him to the side, demanding answers.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Shh. Not here!"

He grabbed my arm, dragging me towards the elevators. We got out and walked down a corridor, stopping in front of a closed door. I could hear loud noises coming from the other side.

I saw Park Jaebeom and Nurse Jung arguing as soon as I went in after Kang Hyuntae.

I wasn’t used to this. The secrecy. Everybody was staring at me, then they turned to look at Park Jaebeom.

“It’s been a while since Dr. Park did a gallbladder removal. I took over because I wanted to get it done quickly.”

I nodded cautiously at Kang Hyuntae’s explanation but it wasn’t very convincing.

When I thought back to the look on Jaebeom’s face, all I could see was panic. His hand froze over the patient like he actually didn’t know what came next.

“I see. If that’s all, I’d like to go now.”

No one tried to stop me. While walking towards the elevators I couldn’t get Kang Hyuntae’s picture out of my head. The way he had yelled at Jaebeom to stand back. The sheer agony in his voice, as if Jaebeom could accidentally kill the patient.

There was definitely more to this story.

-> next chapter

[retrocitizen]

Hey loves! Since its half way through suicide awareness/ prevention month, I thought I would go over and share my experiences. Both past and present.

____________

To start it off, Hello! My name is Ava but you can call me retro! My pronouns are Any and I am a bisexual teen. I recently got diagnosed with:

• Extreme Depression

• Autism

• Extreme Anxiety

• Insomnia

• ADHD

These where all diagnosed within the last 1 to 4 years. My journey throughout discovering these things was had and super stressful. So, let's start at where it all began.

ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION (!TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND ABUSE AND AN ED!):

I had been suffering with Anxiety and depression ever since I could talk (probably an overstatement, but I think you get it).

Back when I was eight (8), my parents broke up, then my dad tried to commit suicide by overdosing. He survived and lucky for me, he is doing much better today. This when I believe my Anxiety and depression really came out. Got worse, so much worse. I would start my self harm at this age.

When I was 9 soon to be 10, I tried to commit suicide myself as I felt that i couldn't take it anymore, that I was an issue, someone just in the way, and I also had way to much pressure on my back.

At that age, my mother was starting to be verbally abusive and started drugs and started dating non-stop until she settled for an abusive boyfriend. The two couldn't look after us kids so I had to. I was feeding them, washing them, looking after them. My little brother use to call me mum because he didn't know any better. I was 9, looking after myself and 3 other siblings (2 of which were very very young). I had to mature very quickly just so I could look after my siblings.

As I was about to commit, my brother bust through the door and froze. He just stared at me and I stared at him. He ran out crying calling my mum for help. This lady who was living woth us at the time was the one who came in and help, but she made it all about herself making me feel worse. My mother and the lady didn't do anything about it so I was just there, with a light cut from what I was trying to do to commit.

Mums abusive boyfriend eventually scared my youngest brother si bad that he no longer used the toilet without freaking out (he is now 8 and still freaks out because of the truma the boyfriend caused). He also eventually started abusing mum and my other brother. They broke up and then mum found out she was pregnant so yeah. She kept it now the baby is 4 and is actually really nice other then the anger issues.

Since then, I have tried committing 7 different other times, and have written about 38 suicide notes. I have also stared an ED (eating disorder). I have tried to get better, but I relapse so much that sometimes I feel like it's better to just give up. I am a current out patient for the hospital and I go there every weekend and sometimes on school days. I see 2 therapists (one from the hospital, the other one just a random one for queer teens like me) and a few other people. I take meds now too so yeah.

Because of my Anxiety, I cannot sleepover anywhere, be away from home for long, or drive even tho I legally can. I have extreme panic and anxiety attacks everyday because of it aswell.

I would like to point out that my dad is the one who got me help and not my mum.

AUTISM AND ADHD:

Yes, I have both. Its a bit hard but I manage. I dont really wanna go into detail on how these make me act. But I will say how they effect my life.

So, in my friend group, I get treated like a baby because of it. At home, my mum doesn't care for it and my dad is good with it (as he has it too). I can only drink out of mugs or small plastic water bottles (yk those ones you can get in like a pack of 24? Those.) This makes it hard, especially if im on holiday or somewhere and there is none of that option, because then I can't drink or else I start swimming badly to the point where it hurts. I also need to have a spot on the couch or else I can't sit. Like at both mum and dads, I have a certain spot on their couches where no one else can sit. My dad has made that a rule at his house, and my mum doesn't respect it. I find it hard to learn certain things, and I get no help from the school.

INSOMNIA:

Um, yeah. I have insomnia. This makes it really hard for me to operate and do a lot of stuff. (I think that's really where I need to leave it?)

______________

I take meds for all these things (that require meds) and i think I am getting better. Slowly. Some things that help me deal with these are: my dad, music, (some of) my friends, my cousin, long night drives, rain, reading, night walks, and finally my service cat Sooty (she is a legal service animal).

I think I should also add that:

I currently do 50/50 with my mum and dad after begging my mum to make it that. It use to me 70/30 with my mum having me most of the time. Also my mum has slightly improved but she is still a lot.

___________

Thank you for reading, or skimming, or just, skipping to the end. Feel free to talk about your stories either in the comments, in a repost of this post or just in a whole new separate post. Also feel free to ask me questions on anything (such as "what are your coping strategies" or "tell us more on your insomnia" or something like that).

Don't forget to contact a help line if you are struggling, or reach out to someone your feel comfortable talking to. You matter!

Bye!

-Love, retro!