#And I did well on my physics test
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Hope your doing okay. You just have been giving me the vibes that ur not doing so okay. Hope you feel better:]]]
Made you a scug oren w/ ur design
SCUG ORENNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anshdjahjjdjkdjhdshahjakaghdhashafah I love this so much thank you I’m sobbing LOOK AT HIM
I won’t quite say that I’m doing okay, but I am doing pretty well considering everything! Could be worse lol
#It’s almost 6pm and I haven’t left school yet lol#I don’t wannnaaaaaaaaaaa#😭#im staying here I until they kick me out#But hey one of my creepy friends is in Mexico#And I did well on my physics test#So I’m kinda balling rn#If you ignore Everything Else lol
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I'd absolutely love to see a hearing disabilities herb guide!
I'm deaf in one ear, so now I'm curious if there are any cats in the rewrite like me? I imagine they might avoid Gatherings because HEARING IN CROWDS UGH.
I need to pick a bunch actually! At some point, I plan to just toss more sight, smell, and hearing disabilities onto the various cats. It should be SUPER common, actually.
Especially in RiverClan.
Like... when I get around to these, RiverClan is going to keep coming up as having a notably higher proportion of deafness and scentlessness. Rivers are filthy. Their ears and snouts are going to be dunked full of gunk ALL the time, they develop a ton of infections. I'm guesstimating that around 15% of RiverClan should have some degree of hearing and/or scent loss, especially as they get older.
Also; Clan cats should be protecting their noses like tools. The same way that you might get scolded for misusing gym equipment, mentors should be chiding their apprentices for doing things like;
Sticking their noses in mud or snow
Eating food that is too hot (damage to the Jacobson's organ)
Sniffing ripe puffballs or other spore-forming mushrooms
Hanging out in dusty dens or unclean, musty spaces (this one wouldn't actually do anything bad, just makes a good superstition.)
But anyway! That's SCENT loss, which should be a waaaaaay bigger disability for Clan cats, but in humans we just don't really take as seriously. In WC, blindness should not have the same weight and scentloss should be a lot heavier.
For hearing loss in one ear, so far, there's just Strikestone, who canonically can't hear out of one of his ears. I will be casually throwing this onto more cats.
#I am not physically hard of hearing as in; I have had my hearing checked and it is fine#But I have auditory processing disorder as a result of my adhd/autism#So BIIIIIG mood I fucking hate trying to listen in crowds!!#For a long time I thought I was hard of hearing in one ear (on the same side I also have vision loss)#Because as a kid I DID take a test that came up positive#But then when I retook it as an adult there was no loss. Never known why.#Also @ other comment on the other post; I also have very minor tinnitus#I'll make sure to mention it as a possible quirk of hearing loss as well#bone babble#disability#better bones au
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2nd hearing test today and it looks normal thank FUCKKK. well ofc I'm still deaf, normal For Me
#actually idr if i mentioned it on here before i think i typed a rant and then closed the app before i hit post#but basically just a jumpscare my last audio tone graph came out Bad and they were like aw fuck youve lost a lot more hearing#which is WORRYING bc my deafness is sensorineural ie. from auditory nerve/brain damage not physical damage#so if it was suddenly getting worse well nothing they can rly do to figure out WHY its getting worse let alone try to fix it#but nah second test came out pretty much the same as usual. i think maybe bc i did the other one at the end of the day instead of early#morning maybe my auditory processing was just worse or smth it happens lol#well anyway they took fresh moulds so should be able to replace my 3 year old ones in a few weeks yayy#and im on the waiting list for new hearing aids with them too...and once i get them i can get an accessory to hook em to bluetooth#altho the nhs prolly wont cover it. but access to work should do if it comes to that 👍#my life is gonna get so much fucking easier when i can tune them into shit instead of switching them for super loud earphones#anyway gotta get my ass to work now blegh. always feels weird having my workday routine broken up#.diaries
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PASSED ALL MY CLASSES YIPPEEEE
#personal#the engineering chronicles#on the one hand how the mighty have fallen etc but on the other. thank FUCK this semester is over#it wasn’t even that bad objectively like if i hadn’t had the musical im pretty sure this semester would have been a breeze. but w the#musical everything was so scattered i never had time to do hw and i had to skip classes to meet w ppl for group projects bc the only time#any of us were available was in the mornings except then the meetings would go later than planned and i wouldn’t be able to make it to#my morning class and. etc. rehearsals till 10 like 5 times a week just did not work on in this regard. BUT WE DID IT <3 scraped a b- out of#physics w my highest test score in that class and will likely end probability w a b#<- he put in my final exam grade (88 🥳) but there are still three labs that need to be graded so technically my grade could fall to a b- or#c+ but neither is likely#still mad abt that 60 i got on the last exam bc if i had done as well on that exam as i did every other exam for this class i could have#ended w a b+ or a- but. whatever i’m just relieved this courseload is over with. even if i will be thrown right back into everything in a#week at least there is this week for me to relax and not feel awful for failing even more classes this year lmao
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Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.
Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.
#i was not expecting to get dx and meds this fast tbh but im very happy about it#i think the fact that she also has POTS herself helps because she is very well acquaintaned with what it looks and feels like#and how hard it is to actually catch with orthostatics in office unless youre having a bad heart day#so my orthostatics not being within range was unsurprising to her and she was like#'that doesnt mean anything you clearly still have a heart rate issue going on even if it didnt show itself right now'#i didnt do shit the entire week i had that monitor on to like physically exert myself but my heart rate still hit almost 170 a few times#also the doctor who did my stress test asked me if i ever experience any chest discomfort or pain and i was like hm no dont think so#and he went 'your chart says you have palpitations though?'#and i was like '... those count as discomfort???' akdjaicidjwjcjsn the answer is yes apparently#im just so used to them now because i have them daily that they dont even really register to me anymore#unless theyre bad enough to knock the wind out of me or make me cough#they just make me anxious which... ig is also a form of discomfort#chronic illness and chronic pain problems though lol not having a normal baseline for discomfort and pain#ndr#not dog related#health stuff#not that anyone probably cares lol but im excited about getting things that have neen affecting me for years FINALLY figured out#im not crazy im just disabled!!!!#*been
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This is not going well
#shut up alli#I have been sick all night and the worst part is that this is all psychological#I’m literally just that anxious about the interview tomorrow even though logically I understand it’s that big of a deal#*it’s not#so I’m just sitting here like dry heaving bc I’m not actually fucking sick my brain is just being a pussy#I can’t even eat. despite being in my head it’s a very real physical reaction#like GIRL we are going in whether you like or not grow UPPPPPP#I was doing okay before I started doing mock interviews in my head last night like WHY the fuck did I do that#made my brain start going a million miles an hour so I couldn’t sleep good#I can’t even take any cbd oil bc I could be drug tested soon AUUUUGHHH#cbd oil doesn’t even get you high btw it doesn’t have thc but I gotta be careful either way#well some of them DO but the one I have doesn’t.#at least it will be over soon
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I'm so tired
#not to come on here just to complain and feel sorry for myself especially because i know things are so much worse for so many other ppl#but as hard as i'm trying it's hard to believe things will be okay i'm trying so hard not to fall into defeatist attitudes#but fuck man. fuck. it's not even that i'm surprised or anything it's just. man#i want to curl up in a ball and just be comforted and cry and be upset but i can't do that and i have no one to do that#my worker's comp payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to and i have like ten dollars and barely any food in the apartment#my injuries aren't getting better the pain is still there even though i'm doing everything i'm supposed to#my meds aren't working but meds have NEVER worked on me and i keep hoping and praying some day i'll find one that will but i fear they won'#i have more psych testing in january but a part of me worries about doing it because if (when) i test positive for certain things it will b#on my record and considering..... the state of things i worry about what that means for me and my autonomy esp regarding anything medical#i still can't convince any doctors to take my issues that are almost CERTAINLY endometriosis seriously and again.... given the state of thi#i find it very hard to believe that will change and will in fact only get worse and i will never be able to get any kind of sterilization o#hysterectomy and if something ever ended up happening and i DID get pregnant well. it would not be good for me#i feel very alone and like i need to and must handle everything on my own but i feel like i'm about to break doing that#and then this. this. this this this this. i know it's not fair to be upset about it. like i said things are so much worse for so many other#but fuck dude. fuck man. mentally i have not been doing good recently and nothing has happened in my life to really help that recently#i want to go back to being so repressed i genuinely felt/believed i was emotionless this was not a good year for the dam to break#i told my therapist the other day that i feel like a toddler. i was so repressed and emotionless for as long as i can remember#so i never learned to deal with big ugly and overwhelming emotions. so i react as a child still learning would because i never got the#chance to learn how to manage them and FUCK MAN i feel like i'm losing it#i know it's important to do what you can and not fall into overly negative mindsets but that's not something i was good at anyways#and now it's even harder but i'm trying. fuck dude i'm trying so hard i want to be hopeful i want to do what i can#i don't want to hate everything and jump immediately to wanting to kms or destroying my whole life because what's the point#i just. holy fuck. man i need a minute to breathe and i wish i had someone physically here to hold me and tell me it's okay#but i don't have that so i'll be a big girl and sort myself out like usual and just hope i don't break yet#i'm gonna go watch anime and try and read fic to distract myself but mannnnnnnn i feel like i'm losing it#kaz rambles
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#tw vent i guess??#came here just to post smth that i'm most probably gonna delete later then leave#but aughhhh last week has been SO bad i really really needed to get it off my chest#had the final boss of a sick victorian child episode for like two weeks AND tons of college stuff to do-#-AND a test on a subject that i'm horrible at (and that i'm gonna fail fs)#AND i was supposed to get a septum which is something that i'd been looking forward to for literal YEARS#but upon telling my parents about it (cause they're kinda strict and ig they would like to know) i changed my mind#cause my mom took it SO personally.... like it was HER face not mine?🤨 but hey!#and although i had the decency to at the very least let her know that i was getting a piercing (which wasn't necessary for me to do but-#-i did it anyway out of consideration for her)#she has the fucking SPINE to tell me how i could do whatever the fuck i wanted if i cared more about getting it than about her opinion-#-but she would always think it was disgusting and that i had no right to get angry at her if she didn't look me in the face or#wanted to walk or be with me cause it'd make her embarrassed to be with me in public if i had that shit on my face.#and it hurts a lot not just bc of the fuckass piercing. but bc my parents (esp my mom) always react like this whenever i make a little-#-change on my appearanceor cut my hair or buy oversized clothes or whateverand like#if she's gonna be soooo hurt when i get a tiny piece of metal on my face. how is she gonna react when i tell her i want to get tattoos.#start taking hormones. change my name. get top and bottom surgery. be completely changed physically.#is she gonna die is the world gonna end. is she just going to stop talking to me forever.#because a piercing is not just a decoration. to me right now it's an extension of the changes i want to undergo on my body.#it's a step forward to looking the way i want too look#so a rejection to any change i do on my body feels like an indirect rejection to be being trans. and the fact that they're unaware of#just how deep their rejection cuts (bc i'm not out) makes me even angrier at them.#and upon the realization that if i ever came out to my mom (and the rest of my family too tbh) she would react *exactly* like this.#well. i did not take that very well.#wasn't very demure of her to say all that. not very mindful not very cutesy :/#also been sh-ing more bc if this and ughhh what a shit week. hope this one's better#also. i decided i'm still gonna get a septum this year. don't know when but fuck all that. it's gonna bother them all the same#no matter what time of the year i get it done. or if i do it in a year or two or five. so who gives a shit.#anyway. gonna delete later probably#📎
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Me being interested in certain scientific concepts or areas of study in theory and wanting to constantly create scientist OCs vs my brain’s inability to focus on actually reading or retaining any scientific writing or related information for research no matter how much I try: fight
#writing#writeblr#writer things#I think science is neat but I would never become a scientist myself you feel me#actual branch of science? pfft what’s that. we goin the Carlos Route it’s just science they lookin at beakers and stuff 👍#some of my characters are supposed to be specialists in certain fields but aaahhh#textpost#I was decent at science in school but it was my least favourite subject it just doesn’t come easily to me#but I love scientist characters and characters with passion for scientific topics#I want to know more about astronomy and physics and chemistry and etc but brain is just like lol no#brain blanked after naming 3 sciences not even some my ocs are in like neuroscience or xenobiology#or etc etc you know science!#I never did have a good science teacher when I was younger and maybe that’s part of it#so it always felt like more of a memory game than actually learning anything and then once the year of testing was over brain was like#well that info is useless to us now goodbye 👋#and it retained those habits when I read a scientific article now it’s like oh this isn’t on a test? we won’t be keeping this then#one day my adhd will fixate in something good and science-y not the ridiculous tv show it’s currently fixated on
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I’m like if a feral cat and a Clydesdale had a baby
#To elaborate: I am very aware and cautious and just… uncannily strong for my size.#Like I knew I was strong but I didn’t know I was THAT strong until today#And it’s not all strength either. You could have 6’ 5” guys who work out all day with huge muscles#who would not WANT or even ATTEMPT to do what I’ve just done/have been doing because it’s an extreme inconvenience#they might get grime on their perfectly oiled skin and the hand truck is too embarrassing because it shrieks like a banshee#Well I don’t give two fucks. If there is any chance at all I will be able to do something I’m gonna fucking do it#Maybe I will try to be a firefighter after five years in education. Maybe. I. Will.#I could probably pass the physical test in a few months if I keep going how I’m going#I know I can already pick up the jaws of life with one arm very easily because I did it when the fire truck came to the school#“Wanna try to pick it up?” CHALLENGE ACCEPTED AND OBLITERATED#(No shade I respect them a lot… I just like to do things people think I can’t do to get a rise out of them. It’s entertaining)
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I would like to thank ny binder for saving my life. putting it in after pe best thing ever
#a biscuit's rambles#im so. sooo tired tho#okay i only slept like 4 hours but its. a. different kind of tired. i think. maybe#anyways i also got my physics exam back and uh. i did not do well#better than on the last test but not well#citing what ny teacher wrote 'i can hear kepler crying'#yeah mood me too#i LOVE physics but like. formulas and math are going to actually kill me :((
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So I feel like garbage again this morning, but this time in the physical sense
My eyes and head hurt, and my throat’s being irritable too (though the milk I had with my breakfast helped somewhat, but I don’t have any more). Also my leg feels like it has a bruise but it doesn’t and something hurts on my back
I just want to go and sleep, but I can’t do that because I got class in 8 minutes and then I have to study for my exam at 12
Maybe I’ll sleep afterwards
#today is not the day to be feeling like this#I just hope I do well on one exam this go around of testing#I did bad on my Physics and Calculus exams#I don’t know about history#but I would just like one good exam grade#real life stuff#school#random stuff
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was looking at the school systems in latin america and i think our ministries of education should come together n decide some sort of standard fr bc what a mess
#if they could come together to make our car plate look the same ugly ass shit they should come together to do something useful as well#they should copy paste whatever finland is smoking for basic school n then steal whatever cuba is doing in high education#me personally if i could choose i'd divide the basic years in 4 phases#first (til 4yo) second (til 8yo) third (til 12yo) fourth (16yo)#which is similar to what we have but its divided evenly now. also they should make the school hours shorter#no fucking person should be sitting in a chair for over 6h#three months of vacation is a perfect number to be honest (december january july)#oh n we should actually have decent extracurricular activities OR we should b able 2 choose the classes we need#sure make a standard curriculum for ppl who dont know what theyre doing w their life but also let the rest of us bitches choose#i DID NOT need that many chemistry or biology classes. i was not interested then and im not interested now#and also that insane amount of math classes was unnecessary too. even if i use math in uni now#a perfect curriculum for me would be 25% language 25% history + geography 25% math 10% art or PE 5% sciences#these bitches had me doing 40% math 40% portuguese 20% all sciences + random philosophy#oh n while i think a test to get into university is good it should not be like a straight line bc every student is different#for example when i did ENEM the first time i was baffled on how insane the math and sciences part were#(i love the language history and geography part tho) like i think we should also be able to choose that#like when we sign up we say what uni and course we wanna take and then do a test that has nothing to do with it#we should be able to get a personalized test from the already existing database. for example#if im going to do architecture then my test needs more math physics and history. but not as much language geography and fuckass chemistry#even though i LOVE language and geography#wait this rant went too personal already. anyway change the schooling system#and also fix the way teachers are being taught to teach and also pay them better and fund better infrastructure#cos literally til when are politicians gonna put the tax money up their ass? girl you cant even give 30% to education? kill yourself <3#the way latin america will be stuck in the lower top 50 in education for the next decades is crazy
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AHHAHAAAA DONE WITH EXAMS
I feel pretty confident in my short answer stuff for my geology course--I spent the last two days very very thoroughly going over what I got wrong on the practice final so!! Hopefully the 84% will be a 100% when I get my results back!
#heheee unlike physics (or math-related stuff in general) science is my beloved my love my darling my sweetie#peep peep#to be fair tho w/o studying I did fairly well and just made dumb mistakes not reading everything in the questions but it's cool!#cause I made sure I drilled them into my brain even if it's for the very short term#I do have one (1) fear and it's that the professors will think I'm cheating/have cheated#I'm just bad at test taking for math but very good at short term retention- so my cumulative physics final was shite and#my geology final was incredible
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i'm so excited because i've gotta go to the supermarket tomorrow to get a couple of missing items (we've had groceries delivered for as long as i can remember due to various family health issues and the fact that doing a weekly shop at a supermarket would knock me flat out for days/longer) and i was thinking about a little treat i could get myself to really get pumped for going and i remembered. the supermarket sells FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#cruelest irony of the universe is that i'm allergic to at least as many types of pollen as my allergist could test for!!!!! D:#but i decided i can have a little flowers. as a treat. (hopefully i don't react to them. it is a risk i'm willing to take!!!! :P)#it's been so long maybe it'll be fine!!!#top 3 supermarket flowers 1: IRIS 2: TULIP 3: BABY'S BREATH#Once at my old old job before Everything i sold a customer a bike (my job) and she did really well in the event she bought it for#and came back weeks later to bring me a bouquet of irises!!!! to say thank you and to tell me how she did!#i almost burst into tears :') one of my happiest memories!#ALSO the bike i sold her was the same as my one which is epic >:) I *loved* being a bike shop guy!#ANYWAY i think tomorrow will be a good day to go because 2 potential demographics are likely to be out of the picture#1: people who partied new years eve (not me) and 2: people that go to church? (also not me) So hopefully it'll be quiet (:#can't remember the last time i went to a supermarket tbh.#i am thinking that the flowers will make up for the psychic and physical damage i'll take :P
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I am shoving Kubo, my best friend Kubo, so hard into his crush Yoshii on his birthday you cannot stop me he cannot stop me nothing will stop me
I’m a Great Wingman
#Emile's Arts#Toshimitsu Kubo#My Baka and Test self insert who I drew and never did anything with is BACK and he's ramming himself into the square of Kubo's back#I realized too late into the drawing they should be wearing their Winter Uniforms#Sense Kubo's birthday is December 7th#but whatever I like the summer uniforms better they're easier to draw and show off the tie#Pushes Kubo into Yoshii so Yoshii falls and Kubo has to catch him and then stands frozen for a minute just holding Yoshii like a fool#Certified Good Wingman moment#I'm doing this to all my fellow self shippers as well btw#Shoves you physically into your F/O#If we self insert into the same fandom I will do this to you you cannot stop me#I've GOT YOU bestie#Happy birthday Toshimitsu Kubo my best friend Toshimitsu Kubo#Besties Blogging
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