#Also. No Kale here sorry guys

[jackkennedyofficial]

part 1 of unrestrained summer fun !

[alvojake]

Tight Spaces | L.HS

「paring」 : badboy!heeseung x fem!reader 「word count」 : 5.6k

「synopsis」 : who would have thought a little game of truth or dare your sister forced you to play would end in such a way?

「genre」 : smut, fluff, a tiny bit of angst, university au(ish)

「warning」 : mentions of cheating, toxic ex, mentions of alcohol, truth or dare, seven minutes in heaven, making out, unprotected sex (big no-no), dom!heeseung x sub!reader, dirty talk, conservative neighbor?, praise, pet names (pretty, baby, princess, baby girl...), teasing, fingering, oral (f. receiving), creampie, manhandling, multiple orgasms, aftercare, heeseung is sickeningly sweet at the end, lmk if I missed anything!

It seemed like the world was out for blood, specifically yours. It hadn’t exactly been a good week for you, first you woke up late for an important test, then someone spilled their nasty kale smoothie all over you, staining your favorite hoodie that monstrous green, and you were stuck working overtime, without the pay, because no one else wanted to work. However, the sweet cherry on top was that you just so happened to walk in on your boyfriend in bed with another woman.

It wasn’t like he was the best guy to ever exist and your friends told you multiple times to just leave him. He was also toxic as hell and could give less than two shits about you or anything related to you, but that didn’t keep you from running out with tears streaming down your face. 

Now that Friday has finally rolled around you wanted nothing more than to curl up in your bed and forget the world around you. Though as fate would have it, your sister barged into your room without knocking and flipping the light switch on momentarily blinding you.

“Go away, Sana!” You whined, grabbing your pillow to cover your face surrounding yourself in darkness once more.

Sana just rolled her eyes before walking over and snatching the pillow right out of your hands, “Get your ass up y/n, I’m not letting you wallow in your self-pity while there's a rager going on in town.”

You let out a huff as you lay flat on your back, staring at the dark-haired girl, “I don’t wanna go.” Tears involuntarily filled your eyes and you quickly bit the inside of your cheek to keep them at bay.

Sana stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, a glare adorning her features, “is this about Sungho?” 

You didn’t say anything, but then again you didn’t have to because your face says it all. Sana just sighed before walking over to your closet and pulling the doors.

“Sis you have got to get over his sorry ass,” She rolled her eyes as she shuffled through your clothes all while you sat up in bed, watching her.

“It’s not even that he’s bothering me-” The look Sana gave you told you she believed otherwise, “Alright maybe a little bit, I mean he's going around telling everyone I’m a bore.” You scoffed, running your fingers through your hair. “He’s the real bore here, only caring about himself… asshole.”

As you went on a small tangent Sana put together an outfit, something that would catch someone’s attention but you would still be comfortable in. She was determined to get you laid or something so you would get out of your little rut with Sungho. When she was done she walked out of the closet and laid the clothing on your bed.

“What is that?” You asked with wide eyes, staring down at the outfit. Admittedly it was cute, but you were sure you’d free your ass off in the cool autumn weather.

“The outfit you’re wearing, now go take a shower, you stink.” With that, Sana walked out of the room leaving you sitting there to pick your jaw up.

And with that you stood in the living room of a very unfamiliar house, red solo cup in your hand. The bitter liquid was becoming more and more tolerable the more you watched your ex quite literally sucking the face off of a new woman. 

“Are you seriously just going to stand here and watch that disgusting rat or are you going to try and enjoy yourself?” The sound of your sister’s voice broke your focus on Sungho. 

You look over at her as you take another sip of whatever concoction was in your cup, “what do you expect me to do? Dance with some rando?” 

Sana burst out laughing, catching the attention of some of those around you two, Sungho included. He detached himself from the chick he was with before making his way over to you with a smug smirk on his face.

“Well, you’re the last person I’d expect to be here.” At the sound of his voice, you rolled your eyes before grabbing Sana’s arm and walking off, ignoring his calls for you to come back, “Good luck finding anyone who wants to be with your boring ass, bitch.”

His words hit a deep nerve and it took all of your self-will to not turn around and deck him right in the face. Noticing this Sana tugged you towards a group of people you barely recognized. Looking around you saw Sana’s two best friends and their boyfriends, but you had no idea who the rest of them were. You felt really out of place among them, your sister was popular while you, well for the lack of better words, were a nobody. 

“Let’s play some games!” One of Sana’s friends, Hanna suggested before pulling her boyfriend to the empty couch.

You, however, just stood there awkwardly unsure of what to do. You then felt something bump into your shoulder causing you to look over. There stood the university's residential ‘bad boy’ Lee Heeseung. 

“Pretty sure that includes you, come on.” He smirked, causing your heart to speed up, your face flushing red. Heeseung motioned to the group before walking over to them while you watched him. The black ripped jeans he was wearing hugged his legs perfectly and his black band t-shirt was nothing short of ‘him’.

“Y/n get over here!” Sana called out, snapping you out of your trance. You meekly walked over, taking the empty seat in between your sister and another girl. Looking up you locked eyes with Heeseung once more and you thanked the dim lighting otherwise he’d see you turning into a tomato. 

“Let’s play truth or dare!” One of the guys suggested as his buddy finished chugging his beer and holding out the bottle. Everyone around you cheered and agreed while you could have sworn you had been cursed.

Now you sat in a circle playing the classic game of truth or dare, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but you? This was your worst fucking nightmare imaginable. Playing a game where you either had to answer some of the deepest, darkest, dirtiest, and freakiest questions to exist or do some provocative, cringe dares they could think of. This kind of game was not on your forbes to-do list, but you couldn’t just back out, not without becoming the laughingstock of the entire university.

You sat there, hands tucked under your bare thighs as you watched the guy next to your sister spin the bottle. Heat travels up your neck as the bottle stops spinning, landing right on… you.

“Y/n finally! Truth or dare?”

‘Fuck.’ You didn’t like the way he phrased that sentence nor did you like the way everyone's eyes fell on you. However, you weren’t going to give them a reason to tease you so you put on your best poker face before taking a drink.

“Dare.”

“Oh, she’s bold!” The guy smirked which left you feeling uneasy, the feeling worsened when he started looking around the circle.

‘Please don’t make me grind on someone or some shit.’ You silently prayed that you wouldn’t have to embarrass yourself in front of these people, who you didn’t even know. 

“Seven minutes in heaven with… Heeseung.” You could have sworn you felt your heart stop. Your eyes widened for a millisecond before you were able to cover it, then looked up meeting the eyes of the chosen male.

At first, you didn’t move not really wanting to be in a small confined space with another male, not right now at least. Sana just smirked as she bumped into your shoulder letting you know that the time wouldn’t start until you and Heeseung were in the closet. Rolling your eyes you handed her your drink before standing and making your way to the hall closet.

There were times you wanted to strangle your sister, more than you can count on your fingers, but right now? This very instance would probably take the cake. You stood damn near chest-to-chest with Heeseung in a tiny closet, neither of you saying a word, but you could feel his breath fanning your face. The smell of his cologne filled your senses making you lightheaded as you tried to will your heart to calm down.

Heeseung’s eyes never left your face, watching and studying your expressions. He leaned back a bit more to try and give you more space so you were comfortable which only caught you off guard.

“We don't have to do anything, you know? Just make some shit up when they ask.” His voice was low causing heat to pool in your stomach as you looked up at him. Your eyes were slightly wide, but he could see the curiosity in them.

You hadn’t expected that from him, not with the rumors you heard around campus. The girls that talked about him always talked about how he wasn’t one for relationships and that he could give two shits about their feelings, so to say you were pleasantly surprised would be an understatement.

Heeseung pulled his hand from his pocket before snaking around your waist, pulling you flush against him, “Unless you want to pretty…”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked up at him, searching his eyes. Then Sungho’s words rang in the back of your mind, instantly ticking you off. You were going to prove that you weren’t this bore that he made you out to be and if sleeping with Heeseung would prove that then so be it. So without another thought you grabbed the chain that was sitting around his neck pulling him down, connecting your lips to his.

His lips were soft against yours, sweet like cherries with a hint of alcohol, addicting almost. Your brain felt fuzzy as his lips melted into yours, and his tongue swiped at your bottom lip prompting you to part your lips. It didn’t take long for him to pull you closer, tongue slipping into your mouth.

Heeseung watched in amusement as you chased after him as he pulled away. Your swollen lips and glossy eyes almost made him want to say screw it and just fuck you in this closet, but he’d rather not get interrupted.

He leaned down, lips brushing against the shell of your ear, “We won’t have enough time in here, but we can go back to mine, how does that sound?”

“Please…” You let out a breathy sigh as his lips connected to the soft skin of your neck, leaving wet and sloppy kisses in his trail. Biting your lip to conceal any noise from any listening ears as he bit down and sucked on your skin.

After the seven minutes were up, the closet door flew open only to your classmates' dismay you and Heeseung were standing opposite each other. They ushered you to tell them what had happened to which you just shrugged your shoulders.

“Nothing much,”

However, your sister saw the darkening spots on your neck as she handed your drink back to you when you sat down. With a knowing smile on her lips, she leaned closer to you, “he’s taking you to his, isn’t he?”

You coughed slightly, tongue jutting out to wet your lips as you just nodded your head, giving her the answer she was looking for. Heeseung watched you talk to your sister from the other side of the room with a smug smirk on his lips, his friends pestering him for more information.

As the game continued you would catch Heeseung watching you or he’d catch your lingering gaze, you would hold eye contact before it became too much and you looked away, blushing. Sana was watching in amusement from beside you until she caught sight of Sungho walking over.

“Mind if I join y’all?” His voice made your face drop, souring your mood instantly.

“Sungho man, of course!” One of the other guys exclaimed with a wide smile and you watched reluctantly as he walked over taking the now empty space next to you. He sat down, hand brushing against your thigh.

Heeseung watched with a raised eyebrow as you tried to scoot closer to Sana, but Sungho just followed. He could tell you were uncomfortable, hell anyone with a pair of eyes could see it.

Sensing his gaze you looked up, sending him a meek smile, trying to ignore Sungho’s wandering hands. Sana sent a glare in Sungho’s direction before spinning the bottle, watching it as it spun and stopped on you, again. However, this time you were happy because you’d do just about anything to get you away from the creep next to you.

“Y/n, truth or dare.” Sana asked as she turned towards you, already knowing what you were going to pick and as soon as the word ‘dare’ left your lips she nodded. “Hmm…” She faked thinking for a dare before her eyes landed on Heeseung, “sit on Heeseung's lap for the rest of the game.”

Heat traveled up your neck, painting your face red, but you didn’t complain as you stood. However, before you could get too far Sungho grabbed your wrist.

“Now Sana, why would you do that knowing she has a boyfriend?” He raised an eyebrow as you glared at him, daring you to say something.

Had this been a few weeks ago you would have kept your mouth shut, but now? Never again.

“We broke up Sungho, would you please get that through your head?” You hissed, ripping your arm out of his grasp before walking over to Heeseung.

The dark-haired male smiled smugly at Sungho as you took a seat on his lap, arms wrapping around his neck. As you made yourself comfortable Heeseung wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

Sungho’s eyes never left you and Heeseung throughout the entire game, annoying you even more and Heeseung noticed. His hand that was resting on your lower back moved to grab your hip, his lips brushing against your jaw, eyes locked with Sungho’s.

“Wanna get out of here?” His voice was low enough for just you to hear, but his warm breath against your skin made you shiver. You nodded your head and Heeseung placed a soft kiss on your jaw before letting you stand. Once you both were standing he took your cup, sitting it on the table before grabbing your hand. “We’re outta here.”

That was all he said before walking away, sending Sungho a wink as he pulled you behind him.

Heeseung really did take you back to his place, after managing to escape prying ears and eyes.

You laughed softly as Heeseung ushered you into his apartment, away from his nosey neighbor who just happened to walk out as you guys made it to his door. Giggles spilled from your lips as you listened to him try to play the whole thing off from the small crack in the door.

“Don’t worry Ms. Kim, she's just my lab partner, we have a project due soon, no funny business I swear,” Heeseung reassured the older woman, crossing his fingers over his heart, a nervous laugh leaving his lips as she glared at him.

“Mhm.” She hummed before turning and walking towards the elevator.

Once she was far enough away Heeseung pushed the door open, moving you further inside. When the door was fully shut, he let out a sigh before looking up and meeting your eyes. As soon as your gazes met you both burst out into giggles.

“What was all of that about?” You managed to ask through your laughter and Heeseung just shook his head.

“She’s just some nosey conservative hag, don’t worry about her.” He rolled his eyes as he made his way toward you, “Now where were we?” He grabbed your waist pulling your body flush against his, your arms snaking around his neck.

You bit your lip as you looked up at him. Heeseung took your face in his free hand, using his thumb to pull your lip from your teeth before leaning down, and connecting his lips to yours. Your eyes flutter shut, relishing in the feeling of his soft lips against yours. Heeseung groaned against your lips when you tugged on his hair at the nape of his neck, “fuck, are you sure you want to do this? We can just chill and watch a movie.”

Your eyes search his as you nod your head and he leans down, lips ghosting over yours, “use your words, princess,”

You went weak in the knees, the fact that he wanted verbal confirmation had you fall head over heels. Then, again he probably didn’t want any sexual assault charges so you tried not to think too much about it. You couldn’t fall for someone again, especially not someone like him, but the way his thumb was rubbing soft circles on your side was making it very hard not to. 

Letting out a shaky sigh, you nodded again, “I want this, please Heeseung.”

 That’s all it took for him to grab the back of your thighs hoisting you up onto his waist, a small yelp leaving your lip but was quickly silenced by his. He walks over to the couch before sitting down with you in his lap, lips still on yours. The kiss was hot and messy, teeth clashing as his hands traveled the length of your body.

His hands were all over you, squeezing your thighs. Ass. Hips. Everywhere. Hands warm against your bare skin as he lifted your shirt. Once your shirt was off Heeseung threw it off to the side somewhere before making quick work of your bra, unclipping it like he’s done it a million times. His gaze on you was so intense that it made you squirm, face turning a vibrant shade of red. 

His hands fell back to your hips halting your movements, “Holy fuck, you’re so pretty.” He groaned, and you suddenly felt shy under his gaze. So you turned your head, averting his eyes trying to will your heart to calm down.

Heeseung pulled your hips down and you could feel his bulge against your clothed core causing a small whine to leave your mouth. The moment that you felt his warm mouth on your boob you swear you could have melted in his lap. A whimper fell from your covered lips as his teeth scraped against your hardened bud. 

You had never experienced this before, Sungho never, never, focused on your pleasure, only his own. So this new feeling left you feeling confused and extremely overwhelmed. The fact that Heeseung was taking his time and focusing solely on your pleasure, it was making your head spin.

Heeseung pulled away from your chest with a pop, looking up to take in your flustered face, eyes avoiding his. He kissed his way up the valley of your breast, chest, and neck before stopping by your ear, “Why are you being so shy now?”  His voice was husky and low, sending a chill down your spine.

You couldn’t meet Heeseung’s eyes, you were too embarrassed because you weren’t even sure if you were supposed to be feeling like this. Sungho had deprived you of any of this, of the pleasure, of the care and you felt like you could cry. Had he really only cared about himself the whole time you guys were together?

You were snapped out of your daze when Heeseung leaned back against the couch, his grip on your hips loosening, “we don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable.” His words made your stomach flutter, he cared about your feelings even if he was rock-hard underneath you. Tears brimmed in your eyes as your hands fell to your lap.

“No I want to do this, it’s just…” The words died on your tongue, what were you supposed to tell him? That your ex never did any of this so you were confused? No, he’d probably just laugh in your face.

“Just what princess?” Heeseung’s voice was soft, his thumb rubbing small circles on your waist. You licked your lips trying to gather your thoughts, why did you have to be so fucking awkward? Why couldn’t you just let him continue doing what he was doing? Thoughts cloud your mind and Heeseung could tell so he brought his hand to your face, grabbing your chin softly making you look at him. However, you were quick to avert your gaze and he didn’t take too kindly to that, “Look at me pretty.”

Your teary eyes flicker up to his, god you wish that the universe would just suck you into a black hole right about now. Heeseung’s gaze was filled with concern and that was enough for the first tear to break free, falling down your cheek. You, however, were quick to wipe it away before closing your eyes trying to mentally prepare yourself for the embarrassment that was to come.

Heeseung sat there, waiting till you were ready to talk, his eyes never leaving your face. The last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable, especially when he finally had you. So he waited.

Letting out a shaky breath you opened your eyes, meeting his, “It’s just that my ex, he never really did any of…” you gestured to yours and Heeseung’s body, “this.” Your face started to heat up as you tried your best to keep his eye contact.

Heeseung instantly felt an annoyance bubble up in his chest, not because of you, but because of the douchebag you called your ex. In a blink of an eye, he had you lying on your back, his body slotting over yours. Your eyes were wide in surprise as your hands lay next to your head. 

“So let me get this straight, not only was he a cheating asshole, but also never pleased you right.” His words made your face flush red, but you nodded nonetheless, “fucking useless scumbag.” He growled under his breath as he latched his lips to your neck once more.

A whimper left your lips as he bit down on the junction of your neck, “H-Hee-”

“Don’t worry baby I got you. I’m gonna show you how you should have been treated in the first place.” He said with a shit-eating grin, his tongue lapping over the spot he just bit, “Will you let me?” His hands traced the length of your body before finding purchase on your hips. He pulled back to look at you in your eyes and you nodded, “Words pretty,” 

You felt lightheaded under his intense gaze, “Y-yes.”

Without another word he hooked his fingers on the hem of your shorts, pulling them down as well as your panties. Heeseung looked down at you with such a hunger in his eyes that it left you breathless, much like when he ran a finger through your slick folds, groaning at how wet you were.

A small moan left your lips, your hips bucking against his touch. He slowly inserted his finger into your tight hole, slowly rubbing his fingertips against your gummy walls. Your eyes never left his as he lowered himself onto you, lips ghosting over the sensitive skin of your thigh. He pressed featherlight kisses to your skin, letting his lips trail down your thigh until his warm breath met your glistening core.

Your head fell back against the couch cushion as he dived into your pussy, a shiver running through your body. A moan tore through your lips as his finger sped up inside you, rubbing one particular spot that left you seeing stars. His tongue and fingers work in unison to bring you closer to the edge. He continued his actions until you practically shoved your hips in his face trying to gain more friction. A loud whine fell from your lips as his free hand traveled up to your stomach pushing down, keeping you in place. It didn’t take long before you were coming undone underneath him, sparks flashing across your vision, your whole body twitching with each of Heeseung’s movements.

Heeseung slowly pulled his soaping fingers from your core, a devilish smirk on his lips as he watched the dim moonlight reflect off of your juices. Your head tilted up, eyes meeting his just as he stuck his finger in his mouth, licking all of your essence off of his digits. A groan vibrated in his throat at the taste, eyes rolling slightly leaving you dripping on his couch.

“You taste so fucking sweet baby,” His voice was raspy as he pulled his fingers from his mouth, crawling back over your body. A moan fell from your lips as he touched you, only for it to be swallowed by Heeseung’s. Your brain nearly short-circuited when you tasted yourself on his lips, his tongue pushing more into your mouth. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling roughly making his head tilt back. You took the chance to latch your lips to his honey skin, leaving your fair share of wet, open-mouth kisses along his jugular. He groaned above you, hands tightening on your hips.

In one quick motion, he had you both in the same position you had started in, you straddling his lap. You didn’t let the sudden change alter your movements, too blinded by pleasure to care how he takes you, as long as he does. His grip on your hips tightened even more as you rolled your hips against his bulge, relishing in the feeling of his jeans against your bare cunt. 

“Fuck princess, are you that desperate for my cock.” His head fell back as you latched your lips back to his neck, leaving a trail of marks in your wake. Your lips trailed down his neck until you were met with the collar of his shirt. 

Leaning back you grabbed the edge of the fabric, pulling on it, “Off now, please.” The pleading in your tone made Heeseung’s dick twitch, a smirk pulling on his lips.

“Don’t let me stop you baby girl, take it off.” He pulled his hands from your hips and you didn’t waste another second pulling his shirt over his head letting it join the ever-growing pile of fabric on the ground. You sat back in his lap taking in the sight in front of you, your finger running down his chest to his toned stomach before landing on his hard cock. A groan fell from his lips as you palmed him through the fabric.

Finally fed up with your teasing touch he grabbed your wrist pulling your body flush against his, “Stop fucking teasing.” 

“Then fuck me already.” The sas in your tone flipped something in Heeseung, he wanted to be nice, to make sure you’d be left wanting more, to make you feel good. However, that plan flew out the window as he stood to his feet, taking you with him.

His grip was so tight on your thighs that you were sure that there would be bruises in the morning. The sound of his bedroom door crashing against the wall made you jump, but before you could even begin to question it he threw you on the bed. You leaned back, looking at him with a cocky smile that Heeseung so desperately wanted to wipe away, so he was going to do just that.

“On your hands and knees.” His voice was rough as he undid the button on his jeans. You didn’t give it a second thought before following his instructions, arching your back and giving Heeseung the perfect view of your glistening cunt. You weren’t sure where all of this was coming from, maybe it was just lust but you wiggled your hips enticing him, which worked.

Heeseung grabbed your hips before letting his hands travel across your body, leaving goosebumps in his wake. You whined into his pillows as you felt his cock against you, rubbing against your folds and clit. You pushed your hips into him, feeling the tip of his cock graze your entrance.

“You’re so needy princess…” He chuckled as he grabbed your hips, stilling your movements, “Let me make you feel good.” You opened your mouth to say something, but the thought quickly left your brain when you felt him push into you. A high-pitched moan fell from your lips as he thrusts deep inside you in one go, fingers gripping the sheets beneath you. He gave you just enough time to adjust before he pulled back until just his tip was left, then thrusts back in, eliciting a scream from you. His pace was nothing short of rough and fast, his thrusts deep. His tip kissing your cervix with each thrust leaving you seeing stars.

“Hee- fuck, fuck.” You chanted, any coherent sentences disappearing as tears broke from your eyes. Heeseung watched with a smug smirk as you came undone under him, your knuckles turning white from how hard you were gripping the sheets.

He leaned down, kissing the back of your shoulders, one hand grabbing yours as the other stayed on your hip. “You’re doing so good for me baby, so tight.” He groaned in your ear as you clenched around him.

A cry broke through your lips when the head of his cock hit that one particular spot inside your drenched cunt. He took note of your reaction before positioning his hip to repeatedly hit the same spot, leaving you a screaming mess beneath him.

“HEESEUNG!” You screamed his name as his hand trailed down, rubbing harsh, tight circles on your clit. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m- fuck, I’m close Hee…” You whined out, your vision turning white for a moment as your whole body convulsed. 

“I know princess. Let go for me. Cum for me.” His voice was soft in your ear and your orgasm hit not even two seconds later, mouth hanging open with silent screams. If it weren’t for Heeseung’s grip on your body you would have fallen flat on the bed.

He cursed under his breath as he stood straight, grabbing your hips with both hands. His hips pounded into yours at an animalistic pace knocking all of the air out of your lungs. Sensitivity surged through your body as Heeseung chased his own high, leaving you a whining mess as you reached back, grabbing his wrist, nails digging into his skin. After a few more harsh thrusts he painted your velvet walls white, rolling his hips against yours and riding out his high until he came to a stop. You closed your eyes trying to steady your racing heart, Heeseung rubbing soft circles on your hips.

“Shit…” Heeseung growled slowly as he pulled out of you slowly. He watched as his cum mixed with yours spilled from your pussy, eyes following it trail down your thigh. Your meek voice calling out to him snapped him out of his trance, looking up to meet your fucked out eyes. Your whole body felt sore and you didn’t want to get up, but you knew you needed to get cleaned up. So you moved to sit up, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed.

However, before you could get too far Heeseung stopped you, “What are you doing?”

All of your movements stopped, worried that you upset him, hands in your lap, “I was gonna go clean up…”

“That son of a bitch…” He growled under his breath, combing his fingers through his hair. “Stay there.” He looked at you pointedly before grabbing his boxers and pulling them up his legs before walking off into another room. Confused, you just sat there, fingers fiddling in your lap, thoughts started to swirl in your head.

‘Was he gonna come back and make you go home? Or was he upset that you hadn’t moved quick enough?’ 

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Heeseung’s hand cupped your face, making you look up, meeting his worry-filled eyes. He swiped his thumb under your eye, clearing the tears that you hadn’t even noticed were falling from your eyes.

“I got you, baby girl, just lay back for me.” His voice was soft and his hands gentle as he laid you on your back. Your face flushed red as he parted your thighs, his jaw clenched at the sight of the mess between your legs. He willed himself to not get hard as he cleaned the mixture of yours and his cum off of your body before pulling one of his shirts over your head.

He threw the washcloth in the hamper before climbing into the bed, pulling your body close to his. You couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed as his body warmed yours, his heart beating directly under your ear, but at the same time, you loved it. You love how he made you feel so comfortable, so warm, so seen, so loved. 

Heeseung’s lips on your forehead pulled you from your thoughts, making you look up at him. It was like one look in your eyes and he knew exactly how you were feeling. He shuffled his body a little bit until he was face-to-face with you, caressing your cheek softly.

“Just forget about him, I’ve got you now.” His voice was sweet like honey as he pressed his lips against yours in a silent promise and so you did. Not a single thought of Sungho crossed your mind as you drifted off to sleep in Heeseung’s arms.

@alvojake | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙: @heesitation @jaeyunology @luvyong2z

[alexa-fika]

PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU I NEED MORE 🙇‍♂️🙏🛐

I NEED MY DAILY DOSE OF PLATONIC WHITEBEARD PIRATES

Demonically obvious ( Whitebeard pirates x nezuko!reader)

Part 1

A/N HERE WE GO, Im sorry for the wait but finally we got part 2! and lemme tell you I COOKED, Im so exited for this one guys, I had a blast writing it and hope you guys like it as well, HERE YOU GO COSMO, YOU ONLY HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE MONTH XD

Reader here is replaced by dokucha which stands for reader in japanese

Dividers by @/Saradika

-He cared as much as he cared about Ace being Roger's son, aka he did not care.

He hummed after Ace finished confessing both his heritage and the true nature of Dokucha's current ailment.

"Roger, huh, Don't look much like the old bastard," he chuckled, taking another chug of his jar as he glanced at the small girl happily cuddling up to him.

"And a demon, who would have thought? Definitely something you don't see every day," he hummed. 

"I have just told you I am the child of your greatest enemy and that my sister is a dangerous being. Don't you want to kick us out?" 

He let out a bellowing laugh at his worries. 

"See, when I saw you come in with such a somber look on your face, I had thought you had important news to tell me, but I could not think of something more trivial," he exclaimed, laughing further at Ace's shocked expression.

" I could not care less about where you came from or what you are. At the end of the day, we are all children of the sea; your backgrounds do not change the fact that you are now my children."

Ace stares at him for a bit longer until he slumps down, a small smile breaking on his face.    

"you're something else pops."

"Gurararara Had me on my toes, boy. I thought I was going to lose my son and my only daughter."   

Dokucha frowned as he tilted the jar further, gulping more and more of the liquid until she had grown tired of it, and kicked the jar away from his grasp, much to the shock of both men.

Whitebeard frowned, glancing at at the wall she had kicked the jar to, watching as all that remained were small fragments littered throughout the floor. Glancing back at the child, who sat on the corner of the bed, kicking her feet as if nothing had occurred

"I already have the nurses and Marco on me for drinking, now you?"

Dokucha glanced his way, and he could notice a slight upward tilt of her lips wrapped around the bamboo and a mischievous glim in her eye.

"Cheeky Brat," He grumbled.

"Don't take your eyes off her boy. She is going to be a troublemaker; I can feel it."

He chuckled

"She already is. Hey pops?" he called, receiving a slight hum from the older male.

"Thank you."

"Don't you get sentimental on me, boy."

He knew she wasn't human due to her lack of food intake and other peculiarities.

"I know," he stated as he continued cutting the kale on his cutting board, the rhythmic sound of the knife hitting the board filling their ears.

"What the hell do you mean, you know?"

"Din't know she was a demon, but I knew she wasn't human either, also." Thatch looks up at him, narrowing his eyes at him and pointing his knife his way

"Stop using those words around your sister; she's gonna end up cursing like us," he grumbled, glancing at Dokucha, who sat next to Ace, dewy eyes staring back at him.

"Hi, pumpkin; you hungry?" he questions, returning to his previous actions of cutting the vegetable, letting out a soft hum when she shakes her head.

"You think I wouldn't notice?" he asks, giving Ace a side glance.

"What?"

"I'm the head chef of this ship, Ace; you think I wouldn't notice the fact that she never eats?" he questioned, raising a brow to the younger male.

"At first, I thought she was shy about eating in the mess hall. We ain't a quiet bunch after all, but she doesn't have any problem with hanging around the mess hall at all," he noted  

"Maybe I was just missing it, so I started looking more. I never saw her take any food, nor did I see you make any action to give her some; she always said no when anyone offered too," he listed

"What, are you a stalker? he scoffed

"I'm observant, ya nitwit," he snapped back.

"Not to mention the odd sensitivity to the sun, and the little bamboo piece she always carries around didn't help the case alone. They didn't mean much, but it kept stacking up."

He rolled his eyes at that, leaning his head on his hand as he stared at him, his sister looking up at the chef, waiting for his response.

"And you're okay with it?"

"Ace, we have fishmen, minks, mermaids and giants in our crew, not to mention most of the 'humans' in the crew aren't the spittin image of a human, have ya seen Marco? He's a walking chicken, or a pineapple.' He muses, grinning when he gets a choked laugh from the freckled man and a joyful laugh from the demon beside him

"She fits right in with us, and even if she didn't, we still would have made it work for the lil pumkin," he spoke, reaching over the counter separating them and ruffling her hair.

Ace smiles slightly at the interaction until a thought pops into his head.

"Marco is gonna kill you for saying that, y'know?" he snickered, remembering the commander's previous jabs.

"Eh, what he don know won't harm'em." 

-Knew she wasn't human due to their first encounter, lack of injuries, regeneration, and discrepancies on her devil fruit. (also that is such a nice gift, look at that man < 3)

"Oh, Was that supposed to be a secret?"

"W- you also knew?!"

"Ah, you probably forgot since you were out of it back then, but the little miss was quite protective of you; lunged right at me," he said, looking down at the small girl who began trying to climb her way into his lap, eyes slightly teary as she did

"Ah, it's okay, Dokucha; I know you only meant to protect him; I'm not mad at you," he reassured her as she nuzzled into him.

He looked up, returning the attention to the fire-user

"Her strength wasn't anything to scoff at and at first I thought it was the Toshi-Toshi no mi, but that fruit was consumed by Jewelry Bonnie," he recalled

"Not to mention that The fruit wouldn't change your body the way it did to her; it would only age you up, so that wouldn't explain the teeth, the eyes and the horn," he said, petting her head as she slowly dozed off.

“Seriously, you guys need to lay off on the staring”

"The cherry on the cake to that was the fact that the injuries she got from our squabble and any other injuries she has ever received healed instantly, much like the Tori-tori no mi Moderu Fenniksu, but last I checked, I'm still alive, and kicking so she can't be the holder of that fruit" he listed, ignoring his previous statement

"She could have just had a different fruit that was capable of those things." Ace pointed out a frown on his face

"Hmm, I thought so too, but I found it weird how, despite her incredible regeneration, she seemed to be incredibly sensitive to the sun, getting quite the nasty burns when she left that umbrella of hers; those are the only injuries I have ever needed to treat on her, it was peculiar but a devil fruit still could have been to blame, until I saw her swimming in one of the islands we stopped in, no care in the world and definitely not weakened by it."

"Hah, I guess we weren't the best at hiding it," grumbled Ace

"You sucked at it," Marco affirmed

"Okay, now you're going too far," he glowered, the scowl on his face growing as the doctor simply threw a smile his way. 

"Do..do you know of a cure?" he asked tentatively.

" I do not." 

Ace sighed at that, slumping down in defeat.

"But I'm sure we will find something; I have gathered a good amount of journals and information over the last few years. I don't doubt that the solution is among one of the journals; we just need to look through them,"

"I have been looking through books and information for the last three years. What makes this any difference? "

"The Difference, Ace, is that you were alone, at most with your crew You had what, twenty people? On the other hand, we have more than a thousand in the main crew alone, and that is without taking into account the dozens of subordinate crews and affiliates."

"I see the humility runs deep here," he mutters sarcastically, giving him an unimpressed look.

"Watch it."

He rolled his eyes, waving him off.   

"Do you really think we can find something?"

"Absolutely"

"You guys may have just recently joined, but you are as much as our siblings as anyone else, not to mention that everyone would do anything for their only sister."

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Again i loved writing this, Like i can just picture Ace dumfounded look as he realized that the crew did not give two craps about it almost everyone already knew, he thought he was being so sneaky. What we thinking of southern Thatch again?

Also cosmo, next request is also yours XD red pirate/whitebeard one. AND after that I have yours holo, second attempt

Taglist:

@Imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

Fic specific taglist (Alarm bell for part 2)

@holoimtrans17

@khaleesihavilliard

@unsuretater-simp

@lunaizhere

[liaazhang]

Finitar except it's written like a sokeefe fanfic from wattpad

[!! all characters are the same except for sophie, keefe, and fitz who have been replaced with fintan, dimitar, and bronte]

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first fanfic so please be nice 😃 also fintan x bronte shippers are not welcome here!1!!!1

I woke up at dawn because my pet imp Iggy farted on my face. I kept him in his usual place. He was now a silvery colour, the same shade as my friend dimitars eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror. Since it was still dark I lit up a flame becuase I'm a pyrokinetic. a few years ago I had also manifested as an empath, charger, velociferator and telepath. I had very dark eye bags and my long pointy ears seemed even more pointier than usual. I wore my favorite, most comfortable outfit (A/N: outfit given below!)

I lught leaped to everglen because I was bored and we were having a sleep over with the whole group. Biana took me to her room and we talked for a while until she said "can I give you a makeover?"I groaned, "No Bianca i dont want to wear make up" but of course biana didn't listen.

She put up my hair in an elaborate hairdo and gave me one of her gowns - red because that's my colour.

The door suddenly opend and Dimitar came in "How much longer do we have to wai- Wow Pyren, you look gorgeous" he said looking at me and I blushed. He was wearing a particularly nice arnour today that brought my attention to his bulging muscles. He caught me staring and I went red.

Biana's older brother Bronte entered He was a member of the council and something about his grayish blue eyes gave me butterflies in my stomach..

Soon everybody entered and after dinner we all sat down for a game of truth or dare.

"Hey marrlla" I said "truth or dare?" "truth" she said, flipping her blonde hair.

"okaaayyyyyy.. who do you have a crush on?" she blushed "uhh" she said giving a shy glance towards dex."me?!" asked dex shocked. "yes you, it's always been you" she told him. they both looked at each other and smiled.

"Ok fintan your turn now" said lihn. "truth or dare?""I choose dare"

"kiss the person you have a crush on"

"OOOOOOH ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO KISS DIMITAR??" asked Ro (when did she come in here?)

"WHAT? NO!" I said. I blushed and looked at bronte.. I slowly crept towards him and kissed him.

"Ugh did you seriously just kiss Lord Sparkly Pointy Ears??" asked Ro.

I ignored her because of what Bronte said next. "Ive loved you for a long time."

"Really?"

"Yes"

"it's been obvious to everyone except you two" said dimiatr with a smirk.. but it wasn't his usual smirk.. it seemed sad? But for that moment I didn't care because I was happy about what happened with Bronte.

A/N: poor dimitar he doesn't deserve to be tortured this way.... fintan should realise his feelings for him!!11!😭 so that was the first chapter! how was it?? I'm sorry for all the sophitz fintan x bronte but next chapter will have more finitar xx

taglist : @kale-of-the-forbidden-cities @worldsunlikemyown

if I was good at drawing human figures I would've drawn fintan in those outfits tbh

I swear I am not this bad at writing, all grammatical errors are intentional😭

[soft-persephone]

Jake Johnson Bonus Facts

Girl dad of two twin girls. The inteview playlist will go into details for you.

He was married his whole acting career!

Very sweet.

He built this log cabin during the pandemic and even did some of his zoom interviews in it.

We now know, I don’t remember if it from an interview with another podcast or on his own, he revealed that the photographers asked him if he wanted to put on shoes first before they started and he said no.

They are in his backyard and he’s one minute away from a pair of shoes, and he said no, for no reason at all.

That’s why we love him. (Or me at least. I can’t actually speak for you guys.)

I forgot three movies for part one, but also, tumblr won’t let me add any more photos to part one, so it’s fine. However, So sorry!

Ceremony

One of the first big movies he’s done. I don’t have all the facts on it, but it does have the earliest release date of most of his movies, so it’s safe to assume.

He’s not the main character, but he does have somewhat of a large role to the plot of the movie.

I’d argue it’s still worth watching!

Lee Pace is in it! As well as Uma Thurman!

It’s about this young guy who’s in love with this married woman and somehow he ends up at their wedding retreat and keeps trying to win her back, but she’s kinda leading him on. . . Or maybe she isn’t and he’s delusional.😏

Maybe it’s trying to be deep, maybe it’s not, but Jake Johnson is funny and he does drunk wacky uncle brother so well.

It’s not as intense as I’m making it sound.

It’s actually a joy with sentimental moments.

And also like watching a car wreck level of drama.

No Strings Attacthed

Mid 2000s typical romcom with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Ludacris and Mindy Kaling is also in it!

That’s it. That’s the movie.

Jake Johnson is the wacky guy best friend of the main guy and he doesn’t have a lot of time in it, but it’s not a super long watch and he has a horrible goatee in the first few scenes. So that’s pretty fun to see.

And his character has an odd nice guy side quest romance going on with another girl.

It’s supposed to balance out how assholey the main couple gets to each other sometimes, but not really.

Imagine if hallmark was fancy and had a bigger budget and wasn’t afraid to say fuck and show sex.

Also!

This movie got him Nick Miller on New girl.

I think the writer of new girl was working on this movie and she liked him in this and it played a part in him getting picked for his audition!

Safety Not Guaranteed

A wacky movie about these journalist trying to find a bug story and the woman of the group deciding if local crazy guy actually can time travel or not.

Despite how wild the plot is, it is oddly super romantic and endearing…….or maybe it’s the part of my brain that finds the oddest things romantic because it wasn’t presented in a typical romcom formula.

Jake is a little mean in this one if I remember correctly, but I think that’s something we all like about him. He’s fun to watch when he’s angry or mean or yelling or maybe I’m just telling on myself.

It’s not my favorite, but it was a super fun to watch. It’s well made and if nothing else gets you, the suspense of knowing if the guy is really crazy or not will.

More fun facts!!!

He loves talking business so there’s more in common with him and Doug Renetti than you might think. It’s a bit of his. He does this a lot on his podcast We’re Here to Help.

He loves doing indie movies.

He has love for everything he does and truly won’t take a role if he doesn’t like it in some way or feel like he would enjoy the experience from working on it or working with the other people there.

He lives for collaboration and a group effort and team work. Which he talks all about in some of his interviews.

He likes having a say so on his character and trying to do as much as he can with it, and if you ask me, it shows in everything he does, and it’s a part of why all of his charters have a certain Jake Johnson feel to all of them. However, he is still a good actor and they are very distinct in their roles and purposes for each and every show.

He’s just, very good at his job.

He also talks a lot about his life in certain interviews and I tried to compile them in a playlist that you can find on

This post.

If you are a sports fan, go to YouTube and search Jake Johnson Chicago Bears or Cubs or ..sports…

I’m not sure tbh.

He looks homeless sometimes, especially during the pandemic interviews, but I am used to this and find it endearing. If you’ve never seen him look like this and are weirded out or disgusted, I am sorry and not sorry.

I only watched them because i can listen to him talk about anything. I just like hearing his voice and looking at his face.

It’s amazing background noise when you have to work or study. Some of these sports podcast are so long and go on forever.

If you want help finding access to some of his more hard to find movies, please let me know and I will help as much as I can. Do not hesitate to dm me for any additional information

Thank you for reading, and I really hope these two posts have helped!

[boxwinebaddie]

NINAAAAAAAAAAAA? DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE KYLEYB CONTENT? I LOVE HIM

nOOOOOOOOOOOONICA!

-- and do i EVA, dollface!

( edit: the spelling across the board is non-existent. so sorry. you are morally obligated to be nice to me; i have a tumor. also, my apologies for yesterdays post -- it is gone now *shudders at memory* --

i was very manic and upset and the jerseykyle in me that gets angry, really, really is convinced she can kill god...i do think that's still true, but it was very chaotic and embarassing to be like that on the dash.

but if you are worried about the tumor i am trying to have a ( bad ) sense of humor about, again, it’s benign, noncancerous, very, very small, to the point where it requires no surgery or radiation treatment at this time ( i do have a radiology appointment for another brain scan on the 26th so please keep me in ur thots if you can ) and i just have to cope with a lot of gnarly side effects.

i love you and hope you heal. <333 -the u.n.

so...i wrote this weird ~'thing'~ ( i'm not sure what else to call it ) because i was having a very loose and silly-goosed ( but as always, wonderfully and graciously soul-warming ) converslaytion in the dms

with dearest, darlingest teria ( whose work you should not only read and whose art is not only more immaculate than the piss-and-moan-a-lisa, but whose advice, council and conversation i enthusiastically urge you to enlist because she is truly, a little bit of heaven on earth )

and, i don't know, i was doing the silly kyley b voice for shits and giggles in my texts and...it never...left my brain ( is THAT what gave me the brain worms? ) and i had to write my weird ~'thing'~, which is my boy, THE BUOY, kyley bi-atch! talkin’ to the new kid and givin’ them some street-wise, beat-the-shit-out-of-you-poetic advice.

( if you want it...it's down at the VERY BOTTOM -- everyone say hoooola cuervostan ;) xxx -- of this post...i got weirdly passionate talking about kyley b and jersey in general, so you can read all of that if you WANT...but i'll leave the screenshots after everything, so you can scroll down easily and reach it; also...gender neutral, i promise, just girl-scout-squirrely-whirly nicknames, haha. )

cue a future me leaving this here where i left off:

*unfreezes tv screen and a feral past nina springs to life*

also, i am...so sorry in advance for this, bc, okay, look...

-- does he sound like ball bustin', good fa' nothing pauly d, soprano mobstaH? yeah...yeah he sure does, aND WHATTABOUTIT, BETCH?! ( i'm just kidding, you guys; mwah ) but like...is that not The Vibe?

like? he is not supposed to give your rough and tumble ol buddy nino down at the jewish-italian pizzeria who looks like he would rather fkn blow his brains out that take 'ya ordah' ( but loves his ma and his kid brother, and the counter guy got fkn shived, so there he is baby baby;

-- the worst man on planet earth...

…and The LUVH Of My Loife! )

...who repeatedly calls you 'toots', but he's not really hitting on you, he's just trying to size you up ( also, i love you pre-(ed)isordah jersey, the BIGGEST and the baddiest, baby! ah-baddabingbaddaBOOM! )

and he...( quite literally ) wants you to stay the fuck away from him and get the hell out of his shitty city, and, he is THE KYLEY B, BAY-BEE! he's the curliest, cuntiest, coppa'-ist ( do naaaught, howeva, group him in with the bootlickers, or he'll make you lick his...just so HE can call /YOU/ one...like...he is my BF, do you understA-- )

hooOOoo

( i am sorry; he is...my favorite mwob-buoy-bawhss xx )

but...on the inside, underneath it all, really is...just...a fine and truly beautiful specimen, the meaner he is to you, the more you like him...and...you accidentally fall in love with him ( oooY geVAULT! )

that is...in fact, what sweet, sweet stanley marsh did ( he is a genius and a visionary and I RESPECT THE FUCK OUT OF THAT SCARY BOY CRAZY CRUNCHY KALE SALAD KIIIIIIING; like, he really played The Long Game...AND WON!!! HE FUCKING WON, BABEY!!!! like

i have this pre-rm, childhood headcannon, that ( because he was trying not to say stan's name or acknowledge him -- very interesting to me because that is the Same strategy stan employed when he publicly gave kyle the jersey nickname, bc he knew he could not remain detached/unemotional if he said kyle's name --

that babyjk when he lived in south park regularly just called stan 'bambi' or 'sug' or 'masug'; short for 'masugganah' or crazy in yiddish

because rm!santanastan...

( which is what sharon called him, for the band and just to respect his chosen name, in spanish, without alerting randy's suspicions...i will start crying, i should talk abt the south park era of the rm fbs more )

was just this insane boy with gigantic fucking goldfish, cartoon dear eyes who would approach him when no one else would even DARE, was freshly obsessed with him and thought he was the bees knees.

so, because the reader, reminds him a lot of stan...he starts using those little nicknames and i wanted you to know the rm!origin. yes, he does still call stan 'bamb' and 'sug' ( which is cute, because as a nice pet name he likens it to 'sugar' sometimes, aw ) to this day

and i think, almost did it or actually one time with raven of crimson dawn and stan's gigantic fucking sugar glider eyeballs lit up and kyle was HORRIFIED because oh my god, that was a Stanley Marsh ONLY nickname and i used it on this fucking CELEBRITY MAN...like y'know actually bestie, you are a fucking genius…

— that's Your celebrity man.

BUT BACK TO BACK TO KYLEY B, BAAAAAAAAABEY!

who is the red-(H)ead-BIC of NUEW JOISEY, kid!

like my best description is that he's this fast-twalkin, street rat, night life, mortal ( but not really; he basically thinks he's god ) kombative, fucking feral, ruthless palooka-pummeling, curbstomping, pavement leveling, street-fighting piesa' literal gutta trash, or sort of like if luffy from one piece was a mad swole ( emphasis mad, he's pissed and humungous, holy shit ) scary freckled ginger new jersey pirate king

who ( bc i love a visual ) is typically out there, rocking:

a way too tight ( to the point of it almost being threadbare and rolling paper thin; he looks good tho; he's my lil diamond in da ruff ) worn out, extremely stretched out, skin-tight, faded/distressed

( that's fraying and unspooling in several along the mom-mended and barely held-together seams --sounds like a metaphor for something -- with the distracting curly font almost nearly peeled and cracked off ), probably heavily stained ( with blood...and whatever meager, worm-infested brain matta splattered on his shirt when he was bashing some bigshot's stupid head in with a tire iron -- rip; sorry ma -- sunbleached from scorching nj summers that it's almost...brown ) black affliction tank top

some huge, torn-up, baggy, aggresively rhinestone-studded, heavily sequined ( k.b, it's already so hard to see and street hardened, police siren, rough around the edges radiance is already blinding me, please have mercy [ never not once ] ) mike 'the situation' influenced, super quintessentially 2012 jersey shore adjacent ( in that they're very loud, vibrant, in your face, tacky and obnoxious ) faux americana, tattoo parlor-popularized, badly screenprinted, ed hardy jeans ( eyeconick! )

the M-o-s-t ( sigh ) hideous ( and i do mean fucking hideous, sheila broflovski is fashion blind; but she is so beautiful and kind, she is forgiven in every way ) men's size thirteen ( jersey has frighteningly large, monster-sized clown feet ) highlighter green-orange-purple basketball shoes you've ever seen

-- purchased, with love, from the sale rack of ross for dress for less ( where they were collecting dust; no one wanted those things ) and her widely amassment of store credit from...numerous previous returns ) by none other than, my favorite beehive-styling, cherry-red, new jersey hauswife, legendary broflovski matriarch ( she rlly runs that whole fkn house like the navy; choke gerald )

Miss Sheila Broflovski...

the only person who is not scared of the notorious k.m.b. kyley b and routinely, while they're out in public, ft. a baby-faced, mean-mugging kyley b jersey acting all big and bad, will pull him down by the tag of his tank top, go 'you've got some schmutz on your face, bubbula!'

hold down this gigantic, vicious, snarling, menacing, thick as brick, hard as titanium, six foot tall, juvenile detention center frequenting, frightening concrete wall of an eighteen year old boy who looks like he could gut you with his stare alone, like he's a cute, cuddly teddy bear, hawk the loudest, wettest, gnarliest lougie into a schmatta she fished out of her purse and proceed to volently scrub a tiny spot of 'sahwasce' her son's face while he squirms like a feral cat; i love her. )

and the crowning jewels ( or jewels really; not sure if they're real, but they're big and shiny, which is what matters ) duel-ery, which i call that because…

he literally weaves his way through the back-door inner-city system of crime in new jersey through info he mercilessly squeezed out of a coupla peabrained Gabbagoons, uses what little information he could decipher out of those fkn weasel's pathetic wheezes to deadpool square to wherever their bosses lair is…

makes them regret they were even born, beats them with in AN INCH of their sorry life, leaves them lying in a pool of their own gross blood, stamps a big, blingy 'B' on their forehead and browses the shattered, blood-soaked display case and five-finger discounts ( but really, if you just won a major battle or boss fight; clearly, you deserve kind of reward or compensation, right, guys? and by his logic...you're not rlly stealing what quite morally wrong, but rightfully...belongs to you )

...whatever the largest and most impressive ( or not, tbh, sometimes he's like 'ugh, really...a toe ring? that's your big come up?' ) piece of jewelry they're wearing is, sterlizes it, and flexes it it on his body and on the streets as a silent, but deadly warning to all other 'so-called' king pens and 'unstoppable' underground crime lords that

'oh, that guy YOU were scared of? i beat the piss outta him, he cried like a fucking baby, he bled like a stuck pig and is lying in the fucking sewer like a half-dead rat. and if you fuck with me; you'll be next ) and scare legit 60 y/o robert deniro level frightening men, who have been running the game since the crimson dawn of time…

-- Into SUBMISSION.

...at like...seventeen or eighteen years old.

LIKE HE IS A FUCKING LEGEND IN NEW JERSEY. they still whisper about him TO THIS DAY and have to look over their shoulders before they do...like he was that fucking Terrifying when he was out there.

and i need you to know that he is H-U-G-E. like the incredible hulk HUGE. he's not like, this scrawny, gangly, sniveling little ginger vanilla wafer cookie rolling up on you...he is like, this six foot two, gigantic size thirteen shoe wearing, slim-jim-ripping, gum and fist snacking,

NFL FOOTBALL FIELD PLAYER WIDE, like not just some measly, tiny-itsy bitsy football player -- oh, no; you wish -- he is STACKED AND JACKED, he is ten times wider than the widest receiver...he is the WHOLE DAMN FOOTBALL FIELD BITCH, fkn might-o-chrondia ( because he is the new jersey powerhouse of the concrete and hard titanium juvenille deliquient cell, which shakes when he walks, bro. )

tldr; KYLEY B IS FRECKLY, JEWISH, GINGER, NEW JERYSIAN 'THE THING' FROM THE FANTASTIC FOUR, COULD VERY EASILY BODY YOU, OR VIOLENTLY DISMEMBER AND KILL YOU AND MAKE THAT SHIT LOOK LIKE L-I-G-H-T WORK. AND I MEAN THAT.

but...he actually, believe it or not, does NOT...Kill People?

which, i honestly want to say, is stanley marsh's gentle 'post-mortem' pacifist influence still lingering around him like the sweetest ghost.

because, honestly, i think a lot of those people deserve to fucking die, not just for being extremely fucking cruel to jerseykyle for literally just existing, for how he looks of all things, his fucking APPERANCE!

( it's the teacher in me, but child and adolescent bullying, particularly in school settings, really makes me viciously angry and very, Very fucking sad because it causes soooo much psychological damage to the victim, who most likely did nothing to warrant such incessant and merciless taunting -- that was probably perpetrated because he was whip-smart, and therefore a fucking nerd, significantly larger than other boys, wore glasses, has a 'funny', loud, cartoonish voice...

( which is simply...a dialect and manner of speaking that he literally developed from growing up in new jersey and from his mother teaching him how to talk -- that shouldn't at all diminish the weigh his words carry or the meaning behind them; which, minus...a little...or a lot, of potty-mouthed sailor swearing -- which, again, only fucking happened because he was so viciously bullied, he had to adopt a harsh, slangy, malicious vernacular -- is often extremely profound, academic and reflects a very introspective perspective )

and because he's immunocompromised, had to report to the nurse's office frequently throughout the day to prick his finger and check his blood pressure for his diabetes and is often, very, very sick -- which i guess makes other kids view him as weak, but most damningly was that...he didn't fit into the mold ( or, uh, most traditional size ranges, sheila only bought him clothes from the 'big and tall' men's section of most department stores because he was so Large in stature,

like he could not squeeze into child-sized...anything; meanwhile ravenstan has itsy, bitsy baby feet and could probably slide his non-existent ass -- you are so sexy king, i love you, you needed a flaw -- into a pair of the largest sized black pair of skinny jeans they got on the racks of the junior girls section of target...like, he could and he would look damn Good too! like go AWHFF king!

HES SOOO BAD! i need to focus, but before i do~

btw; rs definitely sent jk a picture to laff. he was like damn, i am sorry it won't load; will you send five more from different angles? HELP )

but, anyways, my lifetime horny writer girl max security prison sentence aside ( and pending ), he just wasn't traditionally thin or tiny or conventionally attractive or healthy like most other boys or children and general were..so the other kids, probably ring-leaded by the most convention of the bunch, othered him, dedicated making every single day of his life miserable and made his life a living hell...

...just to have a little 'fun' at recess and laugh.

FUCK. THAT.

because, i don't know, bullying like that, creates what are usually painful lifelong feelings of self-inferiority, very difficult to remedialize through therapy and selfcare, social emotional issues with expressing yourself/emotions in healthy positive ways, militant self-isolation

and ALL of that happened to jerseykyle...and on top of just never hearing 'i love you' from his father, that hate he received from the outside world, forced him the keep everything inside and it's why he couldn't tell ravenstan he loved him, because basketball is just a game,

...but it never FUCKING ended and he could only alternate between being defensive or offensive, there was never a bell that sounded to tell him he could stop playing and that it was over, and return to 'normal', that was his normal, because, from all his overwhelming negative experiences with vulnerability, if he stopped treading water, every shark on planet earth would smell his blood in the water...

and spill it everywhere. :(

NINA, DID YOU HAVE A POINT? AND WERE YOU EVER GONNA GET THERE? i...think so? i think the point is that, these are bad people that kyley kg fucking b was putting the hurt on...and the point is that, because, like i said, he considers himself a 'debt collector' and appears villainous bc of his vicious disposition,

is really more like...

a misunderstood antihero than anything?

he's kind of like a red robin hoodie, if you will, because he goes after rapists, child molesters, guys who hurt women/animals/the weak, power-hungry bastards in suits who use that power for evil and take it out on those who are stricken with poverty, like, he is a violent criminal...but he takes out even More violent criminals.

hot boy shit!

and yeah, he does do it sort of vaingloriously sometimes, for street cred, to wear people's status symbols on his hand and placate that hurt place in himself by being scary and ferocious and making motherfuckers pay for what they did for him and how they treated him...and with all that blood in his eyes, he gets blind to the ethical portion of what he's doing...but, subconsciously...

he's doing it...

— For GOOD.

and killing people, the notion of it, not only made stanley marsh, punk rock pacifist prince, violently, violently sick, but it's also, one, too messy, a lot on his hands ( already quite heavy with his heisted and thieved jewels and video game loot ) but...i don't know? he really loves his mom, you know? batshit insane as that woman is, he loves her to death...and does spare bad-guys because of it. because everyone has a mom and not everyone's mom is kind and lovely like his, but they could...and he's sending their kid back home to them...

...in a [ BOX ].

it just...it didn't sit right with him ( he acts unbothered by the idea of murdering people...but, unless he had to, like if it was going to kill someone else and the only way to fix it would be to kill the thing about to kill them, he could do it, and again...he could do it easily. )

he also acts simultaneously above the 'laur' and studies it in school, but ultimately...what happens to this fuck-ups after he fucks them up...is not up to him. whether they live or die, that is. he gave them what was coming to them...and the rest is up to someone else.

and i won't get into it too much ( A LIE; but i have like 74937403 other blurbs about this in my drafts, i should not ferally release all that insanity in here ) but it's interesting...because rm!jersey, loses a lot of that subconscious 'good' in the process of being 'bad'.

because, after his drastic kyley b transformation into ivy league jersey, he, for the first time, is being noticed in a 'positive' way by people on the outside and he's getting 'positive' attention from them, and he feels...for once, powerful — even though, really, he's essentially rendered powerless and is chained to the approval of these people and destroys himself every moment of everyday...to be in a pretty, and small, and palatable package for them...

( yes, i want k*ll myself. )

but he BECOMES the very EVIL that he was hellbent on destroying and starts doing EXACTLY what those people did to him. and because he is so unhappy and morose and hurt and devastated, he finds outsiders, weak people, but mostly, just looks...happy? :((((

…unbothered, merely existing...and decides

to psychologically debase and torture every drop of happiness from that individual, to make his self esteem better and make him feel like, good, i am so much better than that miserable worm, squirming away, squinting at the light it once basked in...

now it can be as insufferable and small...

— As I Am. </3

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. BROTHERS, THIS SHIT MAKES ME SO SAD. I AM SOOOOO UPSET LOL.

NOOOOOO--

and they're both brutal, kyley b and jerseykyle ( who, really, do need that distinction because they are...VERY different ) jersey, one, is far worse than kyley b, i don't CARE if he could twist your intestined into rope and hang you with them...the things that jerseykyle can say, as the most beautiful man EVER, Using That Voice,

looking at you with the most disgust and contempt and unworthiness you've ever felt and completely debase you in a couple crisp, dififnued, academic words...and not touch you a single time, bc you're pathetic and beneath him...you can heal a broken bone in a couple weeks...but your mind? your heart? your self esteem?

your once…wealthy, healthy feelings of self worth?

when jerseykyle reduces you into ash with his eyes, when your body was a temple and he burns it down, like somehow, it will make his stronger where he feels weak and helpless or like it will some how vindicate stanley marsh...it is very, very, very difficult to make that rubble into a city again. like...that man will RUIN YOU LIFE.

( pleaaaAasee kiss me!!! pICK ME CHOOSE MESHSJ )

but jersey is scary in a very...bone-chilling, below-freezing, self-pleasing, self-destructive ( but in a more subtle, seemingly artistic, less 'unhand me, you big brute, ya no-good palooka' kind of way...

and, instead, it's this twisted, muted, shadowy…

...oh wow, you...really are the devil in a fresh pressed suit, college student siren who leads boys to their untimely demise, and drains them of their lifeforce in his bedroom they way he would a dry glass of wine or a cheap bodega cigarettes like in a tasteful, snake charmer kind of way...a dark academic, sleek, chic, fuck-and-succubus way )

like jerseykyle is a very pretentious, jane austenatcious, bond villian type of self-destructive...that revolves around mentally preying on the weak/innocent...because he hates himself and wants literally everyone to hate themselves more than him...so he can like himself.

and when he guts you its, in a mentally incapacitant, poisonous, cruel and insidious way, in a...classically trained, philosophical, fashionable, was...in the way a thorn on the most beautiful rose you've ever seen would gut you...or a delicate antique letter opener...might slash your palm open, gash you and bleed you dry...

whereas kyley b was a faaaar less tasteful or restrained ( in that sense but jersey is still unhinged ) destroyer of worlds...he was very hands on, ( jerseykyle will not touch you unless he has to, he'll only punch you if you will not shut the fuck up and touch you as little and impersonally as possible to sleep with you…which is ironic, i know )

kyley b is a very fast and loose, wild animal, loose canon, carnivorous 'i'll slice ya and dice ya and put ya on ice ya' and beat you until you are bloody and unrecognizable...but on the inside...

he's just this...Frightened Little Animal. :(

who hurts you because he is scared you will reach for him, and when you put food in your palm, bites it because he's scared it's a trick.

aaaaaaaaaaaaah....idk he is my special little man.

okay, shutting the fuck up now HERE IS YOUR SNIPPET:

( edit: LAMBORGHINI MERCY, ITS LONG; LO SIENTO! )

GOOD LUCK, BAMBI. </3 ;-;

( just a...branch in my eye. ) i also was worried about the nicknames being a little too...'fem...inine-ish?' which, i glawhSSED on earlier, but wrote this little extra dialogue as an example using all the little satana stan nicknames ( aw ) because i am gonna be honest, it's gender neutral and not personal, he'd tell you, straight up -- my man always keeps it one-hunna and 100% kosh, ketzele; --

something like:

'ya can throw daisy chains ova a pile of cowshit aaaaaalll you want, masug; but no matta how ya dress it up, when alls said and done; and all those pretty flowers keel ova' and die...all your fine exteria design... fuck: what's cityslicka for 'useless, fancy schmanchy holy crappola' uhhh...your...dainty lil'tle 'floral achootrama' or whateva';

gesundheit.

...means fuck awhll in new jersey, 'cause the freakin' se-wer systems! ( manure, really ) like all the people, are all totally wasted, loaded and gunked-up with broken needles, instant spray tan and crushed up cred cans; wow, golly gee whiz, dory. so...you mean to tell me...my whole life...is all a buncha crud, huh?

o-oh, no, shit i might cr--

HA! gotcha, sensodyne! cause one man's trash...is another man's treasure...and you better get comfy and rest your goddamn laurels on a street corner where a prostitute isn't going to give you freakin' hepatisis mauling ya for struting your stuff on her turf...

cause this, outta townie...

— is your new home sweet home. ;)

...wonderful little joint, ain't it? you should see when it's all lit up with gang violence...that'll really jumpstart your heart, sug. it's, uh, kinda like fireworks...if they were fucking HORRIBLE and KILLED YA.

so...and i'll talk real slow, because i'm not sure i speak malibu freakin' barbie: h-e-r-e....in...hoebroken, ( that's where we are...in case you forgot, bamb; don't look so scared, honey; the junkies will only give ya little nibble; not too many teeth there otherwise. or, uh, oxygen flowin' to the ole cranium, they're basically harmless! uh...not him. staaaaaaaaaay, the hell away away from him, sug. aY, YOUSE! SNAP CRACKLE POP! KEEP YOUR FKN DISTANCE OR I'LL CAP YA BI--

basically; v.i.p., between you...and me, there's crap...on crap...on --wait! could it be--oh no, just more CRAP lined from the rock bottom of nj all the way up to the ny-sea to shining sea skyline ( might be our fault, but the fuckin' big city biddies and hoity-freakin-toitys out there can hoof it a little; by that, i mean horse shit; fuck 'em. uh, no offense, bam. ) i shot that one outta the park a little,

ball-point is:

it's backed allllll the way...TA HELL. which, might even be kinda, uh, nice...well, compared to this fuckin' trash compacta. so take a good, long, whiff sweetheart; ‘cause here? everybody's shit stinks...

— even yours, princess.

which—OOH.

es-Specially, yours.

ever heard of a shower? you r-e-e-k."

hEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP THATS MY BOOOOOOOOOOOYFRIEND! look at him!!!! I MISS HIM EVERYDAY; KYLEY 'IF YOU AIN'T MAKIN' MONEY, TAKE! YA! BROKE! ASS! OUTTA! HOE(BOKEN)! BEFORE I BREAK IT SOMEMORE, BREAK IT SOMEMORE...(B)-I T C H!"

like and suuuuuuUUubSCRRIIIBE~

-uncle nina, the gay kyley lGBea(t)in'theshitouttayaBETCH agenda

[fisticuffs-bee]

chai and sonic are the same type of guy? tell me more :D

oh my god it took me so long to find my old notes i scribbled down ages ago at my old job

right off the bat i need to explain that i am an archie sonic fan so this is largely based on that (mostly in the context of characters)

also! hfr spoilers will be implied to anyone that cares about that

a lot of things would be changed around and mixed and muddled up here, which is exactly how i like my wips. needlessly complicated.

sonic takes the place of chai, for reasons mentioned before. carefree dude who pretty easily goes with the flow, but can still be a bit selfish and immature at times.

but this is where things get more complex than necessary. i decided that it would make the most sense if uncle chuck (that is his proper name to me) took the place of roxanne. after all, he's the one who originally made the roboticizer; it was robotnik that bent the original vision of the machine to his evil whims later.

so now instead of a secondary main character having that deep familial motivation, it's just on sonic. but it's ok i got this.

sally takes the place of peppermint, she's often the brains behind lots of things the freedom fighters do in the comics. im paraphrasing, but it was once put something like "sonic is the force of destruction, but sally is the one who tells him what to destroy" by an antagonist (robotnik, i think) and... it's not exactly wrong.

and here's where things get messy again! tails is also there, but doesn't fill a role from the game. i made one up for him. he made t-pup, who takes the place of 808. the summary of his role is "brilliant kid who wants to help, but isn't allowed to do anything too dangerous, so he finds a way to compromise on that".

moving on, rotor takes place of macaron. big guy who can punch real hard but is also a real friendly dude and is good with machines? yep yeah got it covered.

ok so. nicole... i haven't figured out entirely for this. she takes place of CNMN, but wasn't made by rotor. he just snagged up what he could of her project before new management took over and dug its claws into what she's supposed to be. she's also gonna be gay with sally because it's one of the funniest things ever that The Subtext was in fact entirely on purpose

bunnie korsica. i'm not sure if i would have something more similar to her canon backstory or what happens with korsica happen to her, but the end result either way would be that she starts out with no robotic limbs, and then gets the robotic limbs later. and i'm giving her her cowboy hat back i miss it so much (also i'm so sorry miss bunnie i couldn't figure out where to put your husband in this)

obviously, robotnik (which i keep saying bc im not calling him eggman for this) would take the place of kale. but he's not the final boss (:

THE FINAL BOSS WOULD BE SHARD. I AM PUSHING MY SHARD AGENDA. I LOVE THAT GUY I MISS HIM SO BAD. plus i just like the idea of the final boss being sonic and (a) metal sonic. obviously i'm not blowing him up at the end. anyway here's what i have written down: SPECTRA is housed in an A.I. with a robotic body (shard), who was originally made to be an assistant to charles (uncle chuck). SPECTRA overwrites the original programming, making the former assistant cold in personality and only take orders from robotnik. dismantling SPECTRA allows the original programming to return to the forefront.

from there it's not as thought out. i thought about giving surge rekka's spot, starline mimosa's, but i'm not really sure what to do with zanzo or roquefort. hell, i wrote "orbot and he gets a gundam or something" half as a joke for roquefort on my old piece of paper here. thanks for letting me talk about this it rattles around in my brain sometimes.

[beardedmrbean]

Hey Huey zoomer, I had to get my meds. About the mess that is my generation

Tbh well…look how late Gen x and millenials in media act like? Hello the society of magic negroes?

“The most dangerous animal on the planet is white people!”- well does the Jews run the world too?

And not a funny joke, especially since the movie said that a black guy wanting to get with a white girl is going to destroy their magic

Isn’t that what the term, ESPECIALLY racist?

Also the Velma show, Mindeyyyy, yes there a lot of rich annoying white boys. We can check wiki and found out that you are from a white collar family

Also your ass is handling one of the most famous kids cartoon in history

That privilege right there

But back to “royal zoomers” i remember a screenshot pointing out that a lot of people were tolerated and not raised. They were thrown in front of the tv

And this happens to my generation, for some goddamn reason a lot of Gen x decided to throw the tablets at their kids to shut them up and not raised

And who they got their personalities from? Toxic millennials and Gen x who think white men are the root of all evil and such.

So when you have zoomers thinking that millennials and Gen x who still have unresolved parental issues into their goddamn late 20’s-40’s controlling media

WE HAD A FUCKING MOVIE LIONIZING THE DAHOMEY

Yeah my generation need to be held responsible for their actions…but they are told by Gen x and millennials who treated fictional characters like real people and real people like shit. That their shitty behavior is a okay

I’m an autistic abuser survivor that was abused by my white stepmom. And even at 13 I knew racism against white people was bad.

Oh right right that bitch is a millennial too…let just a whole bunch of late gen z and alpha gen are going to point out that current society enable their late gen x and millennials female relatives toxic af behaviors

Especially boys, like holy FUCK don’t be surprised how many men in the upcoming decades are weary af around women

Sorry for this essay, make sense?

Glad you got your meds, that's good news right there.

Magical Negros movie thing kinda dropped off the map from what I could see, which is good because it's not something we need out and about right now.

Looks like it's coming out to wide release in March so discourse will likely resume, sad.

As for Velma I think mindy kaling figured out it was garbage while she was making it but also realized it's a carer killer to admit that out loud so the shift to 'call them racist' happened and then quality is irrelevant so she just kept going.

Wild how we went from promoting tolerance to forcing people to adhere to specific dogmas.

Don't like the show, you don't watch it since it's made for people who will enjoy it, live and let live, and now we're here with opinion pieces telling us not liking it is a terrible thing somehow.

So when you have zoomers thinking that millennials and Gen x who still have unresolved parental issues into their goddamn late 20’s-40’s controlling media

I think it's still boomers at the top making the big decisions, but the crossover is happening, people on screen ya it's gonna be gen x and millennials.

Gen-X doesn't really have the parental issues though we're fairly self reliant, call it a positive or negative of the 'latchkey kid' life however you like, 2 income families were a newer thing and they didn't know what to do with us so we worked it out on our own.

Uber boomer sounding rant I'll put under a cut that actually is fairly accurate.

WE HAD A FUCKING MOVIE LIONIZING THE DAHOMEY

Still funny, not sure what the point of doing that particular movie was but if it was to showcase strong black women, yes it did that but it also forced a reckoning for people that have been dismissing any accountability for the various African kingdoms that captured, catalouged, and sold the slaves

related tangent, was waiting for one of these asks of yours to pop in because I've got a nice link for you that I've been holding on to for ya.

Great African Kingdoms

This collection presents a small sampling of the many great African kingdoms that rose and fell from the ancient period when Punt traded with Egypt up through the common era. Each kingdom developed a distinct culture and corresponding art and religious belief that continues to influence people around the world in the present day.

Went through a few of the articles linked in there, interesting stuff and it's not just different kingdoms either despite the title of the page.

Carrying on

Yeah my generation need to be held responsible for their actions…but they are told by Gen x and millennials who treated fictional characters like real people and real people like shit. That their shitty behavior is a okay

I blame a lot of that one the early gen-x who birthed the early millennials, tail end boomers early gen-x gave us the participation trophy.

I’m an autistic abuser survivor that was abused by my white stepmom. And even at 13 I knew racism against white people was bad.

Puts you leagues ahead of loads of people who have trouble with that concept. Very positive knowledge to have.

Especially boys, like holy FUCK don’t be surprised how many men in the upcoming decades are weary af around women

We're there already, it's looking like it may get worse though, sadly. The ideological divide between men and women is getting weird too I didn't expect the left right thing to go the way it has, it's a push back on the various abuses of the system that have happened though I'd guess.

Sorry for this essay, make sense?

little jankey but I got it fine since that's how my brain do too.

Again, glad you got your meds and are taking them that's a very good thing, another Gen-X thing we still have the stigma associated with "Prozac Nation" sitting in the backs of our heads no matter what we try to bash in to the normal bit.

Hope you enjoy the African Kingdom links and now it's a boomerish Gen-X rant under the cut time.

that last line is cringe, lol

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 096

I can’t believe it still isn’t time for the Tournament of Power to start.

So there’s only eight universes participating in the tournament.  The other four universes are exempt from the competition, so all we ever see of Universes 1, 5, 8, and 12 are their top gods and angels, since they get to watch the tournament.  I guess we might as well take a look at them, for all they matter.

First off, here’s Universe 1′s Iwan, Anato, and Awamo.

Then we have U5′s Ogma, Cukatail, and Arak. 

And U8′s Liquiir, Iru, and Korn.  These guys look like a bad bootleg verision of Beerus, Whis, and Shin.

And finally, we have Universe 12′s Martinu, Agu, and Giin. 

They’re all admiring the new ring, though some of the Destroyers question whether it’s sturdy enough to handle all the action that’s about to go down.  The Grand Minister invites them to have a sparring match on the stage to break it in, and three of the Destroyers decide to go for it.  Giin, however, sits this one out, as he already knows how it’ll turn out.

So they fight, and wreck the stage pretty well, and it turns out the Zenos weren’t even watching the action, so it was kind of a waste of time.  The Grand Minister than tells them to repair the stage before the Zenos wake up from their nap.  Whoops.

On Earth, no one is happy about Frieza being on the team, least of all Vegeta, but we’ve been over this already.  Whis wants them all to hold hands while they teleport to the tournament stage, and Vegeta balks at holding hands with Frieza, so Beerus puts himself in between to settle it. 

Of course we all know that Frieza really wanted to hold Yamcha’s hand, but he didn’t make the cut, sorry. 

As Bulma sees them off, she calls out some words of encouragement to them, which in the original Japanese version would turn out to be the last lines Hiromi Tsuru would record for the character before her untimely passing in 2017. 

Moving on.  Everyone checks out the stage and Goku tests the whole “no flying” thing.  It’s not really a rule, per se.  Somehow, the Grand Zenos have arranged it so that the fighters can’t use flying techniques while they’re on the stage.  Also, there’s some weird deal where every fighter experiences the gravitational force of the planet they were born on. So Goku and Vegeta must be experiencing ten times Earth’s gravity, while Gohan’s feeling the same gravity as Earth.  Some characters in this thing have wings, and they can fly, but only because they’re not using special techniques to do it. 

Frieza notices Frost and “Careless Whisper” begins to play in the Null Realm.

Goku tries to say hello to the other Universe 6 Saiyans, but Kale’s afraid of him, and Caulifla slaps his hand away.  “I’m gonna beat your ass, Goku,” she basically says to him.  Caulifla rules.

Goku tries to mingle with the U11 team, but they hate his guts on general principle.  In particular, Jiren wants nothing to do with him. 

We close out with a bunch of group shots of the eight teams, but honestly, I don’t want to get into that.  We’ll have plenty of time to talk about the teams once this thing gets underway. 

And phew!  We’re finally done with the third quarter of Dragon Ball Super.  The waiting is over.   Next episode, we’ll start the Tournament of Power, and finally get to the real meat and potatoes of this show.   No more bullshit, it’s time for the main event. 

Well, first I need to double back and cover the manga version of this pre-tournament stuff.  But that shouldn’t take too long...

[askrockandfriends]

Drabble: Rock vs. The Shitty Six: a Homeless Beggar, a Vegan, a Bible Thumper, a MAGA, a Feminist, and an SJW.

It was a cool, crisp afternoon in Tokyo, and Raisuke "Rock" Fukumoto was getting ready to play at one of the local clubs. Before the performance, he took a walk down to the park to ease any nerves and gain a sense of calm just before heading on stage to, no pun intended, rock out. But, that sense of calm would be tested when he encountered an infamous group spoken only of in rumors around the area. The Shitty Six! A group of Neanderthals in human form that seem to have nothing better to do than harass the local townsfolk and push their shitty agendas onto them, and thus ruin the days of anyone unlucky enough to come across them.

First up was Keigo, a homeless man not much older than Rock, but certainly a lot more disheveled than he was. When he saw the young musician, he hobbled over to him with a dirty hand outstretched. "Excuse me, can you spare some change?"

"Oh, sorry, man. I'm saving my money for a post-concert meal with my band." Rock said. But Keigo was having none of it. "Oh, come on! You walk around with that fancy guitar on your back, and yet you got no cash for those less fortunate than you? Cut the crap, kid! You're clearly loaded! Why don't you quit being selfish and spare the less fortunate a yen or two?"

"Here's an idea: if you want money so bad, why don't you go and work for it?" Rock barked, already done with Keigo's shit. "Seriously, you sit on your ass here and do nothing and expect everyone else to foot the bill for your life choices! Lemme tell you something, pal: I didn't get to where I am by sitting here doing nothing! I worked my ass off from the day I got my guitar to the point where I've written and recorded multiple albums with my sister and friends, all of which can be bought and listened to online! At this point, I'm a step away from being a professional musician! Now, if you excuse me, I've got musical dreams and aspirations to fulfill - by WORKING for them, mind you, so kindly step out of my way and quit hassling me for a free handout! And get a bath! Seriously, you reek, dude! Worse than my uncle, which... come to think of it, he doesn't work, either! He just lives off my parents' income! Sheesh, you guys are just cut from the same cloth, aren't you?"

As Rock stepped away from Keigo, who was at this point fuming and mumbling something about selfish, spoiled rich kids, in stepped another annoyance: Mai, the vegan. She wasted no time in going to him and handing him a flyer, or rather, shoving it in his face. "Go vegan today! Save animals, and the planet!" "Not interested." Rock said, his brow furrowed was the flyer fell pathetically off his face.

Mai was not happy... in fact, she was pretty agitated. "What? How could you say that? Don't you care about animals and the planet? Surely, there's more important things in the world than your stupid little rock music-" Rock cut her off there. "Of course I care about animals! My dog Jack is my best non-human friend in the world! But you know what I also care about? Getting a good meal after a good concert, and I'm sorry to say, but kale and tofu and whatever else you tree-huggers eat does not do it for me!"

Mai was fuming at this point. "You're destroying the planet with your selfishness! The way you're going now, your dog isn't gonna live the next five years, and it's gonna be all your fault!" "Can I make a suggestion?" Rock asked, visibly annoyed now. "You want to bring people to your cause? Why don't you knock off the preaching and gaslighting and let people come to it naturally? Because with all that ranting, you just made your cause go from "Not Interested" to "Stay The Hell Away" in my eyes."

Rock sighed, turning his back to a speechless, red-faced Mai. "How many more idiots am I gonna have to face today?" But, unfortunately for him, he would quickly get his answer in Kazuo, a Christian missionary with a Bible in one hand and a megaphone in the other, preaching Bible verses to anyone within earshot. He turned to Rock and, seeing the guitar strapped to his back, already got beet red in the face. "REPENT, SINNER!" He barked out, shoving his Bible in Rock's face! "You walk a path of damnation pursuing this "rock music"! But, luckily, it's not too late for you! Repent now, my son, and your soul just might be saved in the eyes of the Lord-"

"Buddy, did you not hear what I just said to the vegan?" Rock said shoving the Bible out of his face. "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but you're preaching to the wrong crowd, pal. You want to recite sermons? Go to a church and do it! At least the guys there will listen to you!"

"Do you mock the word of God?!" Kazuo barked, angry that his sermon was being met with resistance. Rock wasn't backing down. "I'm mocking the words of an idiot who thinks this is the way to attract followers to his faith! You want to know why religion is on the decline? It's because of people like you who can't just have their beliefs and leave others the hell alone!" "Rock and roll is the devil's work! He wants you to rebel from the Lord!" Kazuo barked out. Rock simply rolled his eyes. "That's just the Christian faith, dude. At least it was, fifty or sixty years ago. But, newsflash: I'm Shinto. Not Christian. And last I checked, Shintoism doesn't particularly care about rock music. Now step out of my way and take your sermons to someone who cares before I really raise some hell!"

But the world wasn't done testing Rock's patience. In comes Taro, a loud buffoon who'd just come back from the States, wearing a bright red hat and T-shirt, both with the slogan "Make America Great Again". "The people of Japan are weak! We've been America's lapdog for the past 70 years! What we need is a leader like Trump to build our empire back up again!" "Dude, what crap have they been feeding you over there in the states?" Rock facepalmed. "You know this isn't America, right? We can't exactly vote Trump in as our next prime minister." "No, but we can vote someone in who's like Trump!" Taro shot back. "Someone who's strong, brave, and willing to stand up to the radical left and people keeping this country down-" "Dude, have you heard Trump talk, like, ever?" Rock questioned with a raised brow. "Dude just goes on tangents half the time and it's like even he doesn't even know what in the hell he's talking about! Hell, that last debate he had with Harris just had me laughing when he starting going on about foreign invaders eating the cats and dogs! It was all over the Internet! Plus, any time someone does something he doesn't like, what does he do? Oh, yeah, he bitches about it online, or to anyone who will listen! Fact, I think he made his little social media site for that purpose. Sure doesn't sound like a strong leader... in fact, it sounds more like a manchild to me!" "Trump is a highly successful businessman! He'll pull this country out of its recess-" Rock stopped Taro mid-sentence right there. "Dude. Buddy. Wikipedia is your friend in this instance. Why don't you check it sometime and marvel at all the business failures Trump has had over the years? Dude caused a CASINO to go bankrupt! A CASINO! Now, can we be done talking about the politics of a country that's not even ours? We just got a new prime minister, anyway. I think we're good on getting a new one anytime soon, especially one as loud, dumb, and boorish as Trump."

The last two headaches in human form came together when Rock finally got away from the Trump nut. First was Hiroko, the feminist, and her friend Yoko, the SJW. Hiroko immediately saw Rock and made a beeline for his face. "Of course you'd fail to mention any of Trump's abuses against women! It's men like you that benefit from the oppression of women, so things like that don't even cross your mind, do they?" Yoko immediately followed up with her own two sense. "You benefit from the system that keeps women and minorities down, and don't even realize how much privilege people like you have!"

Rock rolled his eyes. "The only privilege I'll be having right now is the privilege of being free from people like you. And, listen, I don't oppress women. In fact, I hang out with my sister all the time. She helps me with my music and is instrumental in our recording process. Not because I force her, mind you, but because that's what she wants to do. If she wants to break away from that and find her own career path, I'd be behind her all the way as her brother!" "If you support your sister so much, why don't you let her in the band, then? I'm sure she's dying to have a shot at spotlight you and the boys all hog from her!" Hiroko sneered. "If she wants that, who would I be to not let her?" Rock retorted. "But, right now, she seems content to support the band in her own way, away from the stage lights, as she runs the recording and PA systems for us." "So says you!" Yoko spat. "But why don't we let your sister speak for herself, rather than have you speak for her and oppress her? You know what you're doing is nothing but holding her down, you monster!"

"Fine, I'll call her and have her tell you herself if it'll shut you bitches up!" Rock spat back before taking out his phone and calling his sister Anzu. "Hey, Anze? Um, you're helping me because you want to, not because I'm making you, right? ...Yeah, mind explaining that bit to a couple idiots here? They're all up in my grill, and seem to think I'm oppressing you in some way by having you at my side like this." He put the phone on speaker and held it to Hiroko and Yoko. Anzu's voice came in through the phone speakers.

"Hello! So, look, the reason I'm helping my brother isn't because he's forcing me to or anything. I'm doing this because I want to do it. I love my brother! He and I have been close ever since we were kids, and I want to support him in his rock star dreams! So, if you could kindly get off his case about 'oppressing' me or whatever, that'd be much appreciated."

Hiroko and Yoko were at a loss for words at the confirmation from Anzu that her helping Rock was her decision and hers alone. Rock smirked, knowing he had them beaten with this. "There you have it. That proves I'm not oppressing my sister in any way. And, by the way, you really want to get people on board with your social justice cause? Maybe try not bitching out every male you come across and treating them like some kinda enemy to you? Who knows, you might even get some of the more decent dudes on your side. Food for thought. Now, can I please have my walk in peace?"

Rock sighed once he was finally free of the Shitty Six. All he wanted was a peaceful walk to prepare himself mentally to perform, and instead, he got the worst humanity had to offer. It was only about a half hour or so, but dealing with these menaces to society felt like it took hours. Thankfully, it was mercifully over, and as he looked back on the fuming members of the Shitty Six, he thanked his lucky stars he didn't turn out like any of them. Taking some deep breaths, he mentally reset himself and prepped himself for an evening of rock and roll, and, with any luck, free of any radical preaching.

[paramorearchived]

March 22, 2011

Transcript:

The babe with the power.

HI!

we're back inside the studio. literally, inside of it. and so far, it couldn't be any better! day #2 and we're nearly finished tracking the whole 1st song musically... tonight it'll be my turn to crank out some SICK VOXXXXX. i'm just a little excited. like clockwork, my allergies are ridiculous right now and my vocal cords are being total jerks. it's alright though cause i fed them some watermelon juice and kale earlier. i could tell that made 'em smile. ew, look at me talking about my insides like they're people. it's like when guys name their weiners. just no.

well, i just figured i'd give you guys an update on where we're at with the songs, life in general, and also tell you how amazing the movie Paul is. (it's amazing). (kristen wiig is so funny). that's really all i have to say about Paul. as far as music goes, we're hoping to record 3 songs while we're out here in California. the original plan was to record just 2 but seeing as though we're moving pretty quickly, we may get luckier than that. i guess we'll let you know when we figure it out! being out here is totally inspiring though. i remember when we showed up for the first time 2 years ago. within the first hour of actually pulling up to Rob's we were already working on "Careful". this place just has an electricity for us. and honestly, all it is is a studio inside of a garage. i mean, it's a nice garage but... hey. 

i guess the only thing we can say that won't have you completely stoked out of your skull is that we are rethinking the idea of releasing these songs in EP form. for a few reasons which, of course, will be explained. we've obviously been through a hell of a lot in the past however many months it's been... so it probably won't come as any surprise to you when i say that i've written a lot of lyrics having to do with the whole situation. one you've already heard, ("in the mourning") and quite a few others, some of which would never be paramore songs but were more just my way of venting and getting over everything. the 2nd song we're recording and the 3rd one that we're hoping to get done also have the same subject matter. and really, we just don't want to put out a full product that sounds like a concept record about yet another difficult period in our bands life. it really is time to move on. with that being said, we want to give you all some new music. honestly, we want to give ourselves some new music too. geeeezzzz. so we're working out how exactly to release everything... but so far it just seems like we spoke a little too soon about the whole EP thing. sorry :/ we were kind of excited. you will still be getting new songs though! and we think you guys are gonna really like them. 

hopefully the whole thing makes sense. if not, i guess i could try to explain it in non-hayley-rambling-forever form, which would probably go like this: shit happens. if we put out another full product about our band woes then this will just keep going on forever and ever. after we put out the few songs that we're recording, we never want to talk about it again. not in interviews, not in songs, nothing. 

phew. that felt good! 

now that we're past the serious business can i just say that i'm SO freaking proud of the dudes. taylor has clearly had a lot on his plate getting ready for this little series of songs we're recording. killing the drums, writing great guitar parts; etc. jeremy has this insane bass tone that he and riley (bass tech to the stars, also of Conditions fame) have been working on. working together has been good, you know? i feel inspired and motivated by all the changes we've gone through. and the friendships between the 3 of us feel like they've  been dusted off, new again. i'm proud of what i've written lyrically - even though it's not something i want to harp on forever. i feel like it's the stepping stone, though, to wherever it is that we're going next. that in itself is so exciting it literally hurts. the year ahead of us couldn't possibly be anything less than incredible. 

and lastly, i think i just need to brace myself. from here and now until whatever really happens next for us... i can feel that we're on the brink of so much growth. for myself, personally, i just know i'm gonna look back a year from now and realize all that i've learned. but that's enough about me, do you feel it too?

think it's time to eat. i can hear the guys getting excited about something, so it's either food, girls, or someone farted. 

L O L

love you guys so much, hayley

ps, didn't proofread this so i'm sorry if there's a ton of mistakes. (besides the usual non-capitalization thing)

[risenwraith]

#123 Aaiiee people!

Staying at sister in Iaw's place is very open house in comparison to the little flat we had.

I walked into the kitchen to see a purple hooded person raiding the freezer. They were maybe(?) a relation and I have no idea why they were in the kitchen and was afraid to ask - they don't live here. Then there was a tall male relation whose name I forget but who walks in whenever. There have been two other friends/people who turn up as and when and walk right in.

Then again, I'm a bald eyebrow-less goblin wearing a saffron coloured shift. (I was gifted it unexpectedly and I have limited clean clothes right now. It does make me look like a tragic white girl who's taken Buddhism a bit too seriously, but what can you do?).

I had a long conversation with T (someone who I think is an actual housemate) who if I understand correctly, spent ages trying to explain WWI Spiritualism to me, and the basic concept of 'as above so below' - which is quantum or magic or both - and also zen archery. All of which I am too painfully aware of, often overly aware of, and vaguely aware of (and wish I knew more of) - in that order.

Then he told me I shouldn't have chemotherapy because doctors are bad evil liars, chemotherapy is poison, and if I just ate more broccoli, that would totally cure cancer.

I was very polite and not sarcastic or scathing or mean at all. But I really wanted to be. Because... Seriously?

Oh yes dear boy, I am letting doctors poison me because I didn't know about the miracle of açai berries and kale oh alas alack fie and for shame, oh foolish me, if only I had drunk more green tea I never would have lost a tit nor ever had the need of this terrible medical poison!

FUUUUCCCKKKK!!!

Look hippy boy, do not @ me. Your last hospital stay was in the '70s for a broken limb, and because someone turfed you out of a bed early, you think every doctor is a bastard and every nurse a bitch. Also you think the old guy you once saw in '74 who didn't know who or where he was immediately after coming out of emergency heart surgery would have been... what? Better off just being dead? Yeah - how dare doctors try and succeed in saving him and he be groggy from not dying. FFS.

I have news for you. 50 bloody years have passed. That's a lifetime. Why do you insist on thinking things are the same a generation ago? Or that one arsehole doctor who didn't care enough about your fracture is the same as every single doctor treating everything in the world ever?

I have to listen-not-listen. By which I mean try to actively not listen to a conversation I can totally hear and don't want to hear at all. (And if I had headphones so I could listen to anything else it would be easier, but like an idiot I did not pack my headphones.)

You think I want this? You think if eating more salad would have saved me I wouldn't already be doing that shit?! You think I don't eat green stuff? Bitch, I hate fast food, I love vegetables, hate grease, meat's okay, sugar's so-so, bread and rice are the best, and I know how to cook a very fine five course dinner party, thank you.

My point is... I'm not having surgery and poison through basic nutritional and culinary ignorance or for fun - I'm having it so I won't die.

Kale and broccoli will not save me you arrogant arse. You do not hold the secrets of the universe. Your salad and berry tea cannot fix cancer. But the hospital can, and is even now, yes, via poison.

We poison the evil cells, and the rest of the body survives - because the body is nails AF - what is so hard to understand about that?

Sorry, I keep trying not to be cross, but every time I think about the conversation it pisses me off something chronic.

[dragonmuse]

i hope you know i have reread all parts of leda house and the kraken at least once and the lucius and izzy focused one like a good like 10 times . it feeds my brain rot ! and i forced my friend it read all of it 💜 BUT YEAH goblin king and the pup honestly you made me love the ship more then i thought was possible as one of the og lucius / izzy truthers on twt . also if you would maybe we see more of pete , lucius and izzy interacting , maybe if *everyone* was dragged out onto a day event i’d love to see the dynamic when all three aren’t separated by (mostly) meticulous planning . feels chaotic :3

(I’m sorry I sat on this one for so long, but here is a hit of all three of them! Thank you so very much!)

Izzy was just coming out of the changing room, thinking through his planned workout when he heard Lucius’ voice. Which was frankly bizarre.

“There he is.”

And there was Lucius, dressed down in jeans and r-shirt, towing along Pete who was in ratty basketball shorts and a washed out Revenge tank.

“Hi,” Pete mumbled.

“What?” Izzy asked helplessly.

“He’s been complaining about losing arm wrestling to John.” Lucius shrugged, then glanced upward. “Is that at observation deck?”

“It’s a smoothie bar,” Izzy said blankly.

“With a view. I’m going to get a snack and window shop. You two have fun.” Lucius turned on his heels and walked off.

“Sorry,” Pete said weakly. “His idea.”

“It’s always his idea. You actually want to work out?”

“Yeah. Just been awhile. Used to have an impressive bench press but…”

“Come on,” Izzy sighed. “Probably should have a spotter.”

Pete might be out of shape but he did actually seem to know what he was doing for the most part. Izzy spotted him and took his own turn. As they loosened up, they talked a little about what they were doing and maybe bragged about a time when they could both do more. It wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen.

“I’m disgusting,” Pete laughed afterwards. “You’d think I’d get used to sweating like this.”

“Never happens.” Izzy sympathized.

They both emerged from the changing room clean enough and headed upstairs. Lucius was leaning against the smoothie bar, giving his full attention to a guy more built than either of them could ever hope to be.

Yet as soon as he caught sight of them, all that flirtatious attention was re-aimed, the young adonis dismissed. Lucius shook his smoothie slowly, the took a long sip seductively and grinned.

“Everyone’s alive and walking, what a treat.”

“It wasn’t bad,” Pete said stoically. Izzy was pretty sure the guy was going to be secretly icing himself tonight but whatever that was his deal. “What’re you drinking?”

“Something strawberry. I stopped reading after the fifth ingredient. Iz, got you your usual and got an earful about what a precise dick you are about it.”

“They have nut free blender for a reason,” he said untroubled by that report. He accepted the cup of Green slush from him.

“What is that?” Pete pulled a face.

“You don’t want to know,” Lucius wrinkles his nose. “Kale is involved.”

Izzy made no effort to defend the drink. It was kind of vile but in a good way that he had no ability to explain. He deliberately took the top off so he could chug it down.

“I don’t know I’m impressed or kind of sick,” Pete frowned.

“You get used to that,” Lucius nodded. “I got you a mango thing, babe.”

“Aw thanks.”

“I need some actual food,” Lucius announced. “Iz, if we go that one cafe will you sit with us, have a coffee?”

It was Sunday morning. Izzy had assumed they’d continue on their usual routine which as he understood it was a lot of watching tv while tidying up the apartment and doing some kind of collective meal with John and Frenchie.

Izzy had his own routine to start. Meal prep for the week and laundry to do. But…none of that was going anywhere.

“Yeah all right.”

It wasn’t the morning he’d expected, but it wasn’t bad sharing a little table with them. He was quiet, mostly listening to their easy banter, but he participates here and there, getting off the sly comments that always made Lucius snicker. I eve and awhile they got Pete too which was interesting.

At some point Lucius stretched out, feet intermingling with Pete’s and his arm around the back of Izzy’s chair and looking as pleased as Sweeney did with a catnip mouse.

[turtlesandfrogs]

So my region has had record breaking cold for the month of April, and May looks like it's on track to also be unusually cold. Skip to the break if you want to read my observations and how I'll be adapting.

To give you an idea of things, April's temps were what we expect in December, I've had multiple sowings of cold hardy crops fail to germinate which has *never* happened before, and most crops are at least 2 weeks behind where they should be. The big wheat farms on the other side of the state are also having very delayed planting, and they're project a lower harvest this year because of it.*

On the other hand, La Niña's effect on summers is much weaker than the effect on winter and spring, so I expect either a much cooler summer than usual (meaning very little harvest from heat lovers like tomatoes, basil, squash, corn, beans, etc without some sort of argumentation) OR it to slingshot from our cold, wet weather to unusually dry and hot like last year.

Did I mention that we had one(1) day back in early April when it got up to 70, and since the the highs have barely reached the 50s until last week?

Here's what I've noticed this very cold & annoying** year and how I'm going to incorporate it into future garden planning.

First off, over-wintering crops have done magnificently, and have a clear advantage over the same crop sown early in the year. Arugula, Kale, Chard, etc, etc, have all had much better spring harvests (surprisingly so) from over-wintered plants than late winter and spring sown crops, many of which failed to emerge.

Radishes, surprisingly, did better with the cold than some other crops.

Crops in the hoop house, while more than 2 weeks later than last year, are still doing well. I am immensely glad for the strawberries and I look forward to making a (few) cold frame(s) so I can move away from plastic. I'll use what I have as long as it works, of corse, but I've already got some sliding glass doors I got for free and I'm very excited to use them.

So, going forward, I will put a much stronger emphasis on crops that can over-winter well, and not depend as much on early-spring sowings of crops for spring harvests. Peas, brassicas, chard, etc, will all be sown early enough that they're about 4 inches tall by Oct. 31st so they can over winter and get a head start on spring, but I'll also have Brassicas, chard, etc as full grown plants on Oct. 31st so I can continue to harvest from dormant plants through the winter.

How I'm preparing for the summer, which will likely be unusually cold *or* unusually warm and dry:

In case the weather stays cooler than normal, I can expect no harvest of any tomatoes bigger than cherry or plum, and I can expect crops like basil to just suffer- unless I do something.

In this case, I've got my roma and beefsteak tomatoes, along with my basil, in the hoop house, and soon more will be planted against a mostly south facing wall which will have glass doors leaned against it to provide a warmer micro climate. I'm also going to plant green beans in that lean-to. However, I'm going to skip corn this year, or at least delay planting and not expect a great harvest. I'm only planting cucumbers and summer squash, and I'm going for varieties that are specifically suited to cool, short summers.

If it is a cool summer, all the greens, root crops, and berries will be fine, if less productive, so they're not getting any extra care. Sorry guys. The potatoes and fava beans will have a good harvest regardless of what the weather does from this point. Even if they did get a slow start. Probably.

If it does decide to warm up, I have some compost pit gardens ready and waiting for squash to go in them, and I'll go ahead and plant the corn, too. If it gets really hot, I'll take the cover off the hoop houses, and the tomatoes and basil will be fine. I've planted some of my greens and other less heat tolerant crops where they'll get some shade, which will help them if it starts getting too hot.

Everything is getting deeply mulched and I've been working on increasing organic matter in my soil, so with the on-going heavy rains, I think there's still a good chance that I won't need to water very much, except for some crops, like the passion fruits (which I'll only get a harvest from if we have a hot year).

Maybe this will be the year that we get our grey water system set up :D In which case, if it's a hot year, we can expect bigger harvests.

There's more, but I think that's enough for now.

*along with the war reducing planting in the Ukraine & Russia, and India banning wheat experts, expect flour and other wheat based food costs to get even higher.

**Yes, annoying. We regularly have freezes and long, dark days full of drizzle from October to mid April, with out getting more than a light sprinkle of snow once or twice a year usually, so to have this cold and wet weather extend longer than usual is annoying. It's also made making a living much harder this year, so it's even more annoying. My region is known for it's higher rates of depression, vitamin d deficiency, and serial murderers. So having an even longer winter is really bad for people's mental health.

[recurring-polynya]

For the Renji birthday prompt: A fic where Renji discovers that he can't go tits out anymore now that he's married (maybe with some jealous Rukia thrown in perhaps)?

I maintain that the new tits-in regime is self-imposed; I present to you my thesis. (I did not attempt to take on The Vest; I assume it came later, and I eagerly await more Vest Lore from Kubo himself)

Warning that I sincerely hope deters absolutely no one: This fic is about boobs. It contains many, many synonyms for boobs. Some of them are rude. 

Read on ao3 or ff.net

---

“I’m telling you, you’re jumping to conclusions. Sometimes he puts them away when he fights. He told me this.”

“I haven’t seen them in weeks.”

“It’s been winter.”

“That has never stopped him before. And it’s April now. Open season. And yet…?”

“I think we should just ask him.”

“You can’t just ask a guy, ‘hey, where did your tits go?’”

“I could, but I refuse. Abarai’s aesthetic is his own business.”

“Since when?”

“Okay, he’s here, someone’s gotta do it.”

“Not it!”

“Also not it!”

“Matsumoto, you have to do it. You’re the one who talked him into letting them hang out in the first place.”

“I agree with Yumichika. Renji knows what he’s doing, and if he has decided that the puppies are off-limits, that’s on him.”

“Hey, guys!” Abarai Renji’s cheerful voice rang out over the din of the bar. “Sorry I’m late!”

“Just means you have to catch up quick!” Rangiku declared, pouring him some sake.

“No missus tonight?” Shuuhei asked.

Renji’s entire face went pink and he got the same moony look in his eyes he always got whenever someone mentioned his wife or his marital state generally. “She sends her regards and says I’m supposed to drink extra for her. She goes over to the Manor on Wednesday evenings now to hang out with her brother.”

“Have you actually managed to call him by his given name yet?” Iba asked. “Now that you’re related?”

“His given name is ‘Captain’ and I call him that all the time,” Renji replied snottily.

“So. Renji,” Izuru said, leaning forward on his elbow. “Are you doing something different? With your look? I feel like there’s something different about you.”

Renji’s face lit up. “You noticed!” He swung his head around, his long braid swinging over his shoulder. “I’ve started braiding it!”

“Oh, no, it’s permanent?” Yumichika moaned.

“That’s not new,” Iba scoffed. “You slept with it like that the whole time we were roommates. I just figured that you didn’t have time to fix your hair in the morning anymore because you were too busy taking care--oof!”

“It looks very nice, Renji!” Momo said sweetly, extracting her elbow from Iba’s rib cage.

“It’s different,” Renji glowered at Iba. “I braid it loosely at night to prevent breakage and lock in moisture. This is an action braid.” He wheeled on Yumichika. “And I’m only French braiding it for now, because it’s shorter in front than in the back, you know, because of the accident. Once I’ve grown it out to all one length again, I’ll just do a regular braid.”

“You could just cut it to the length of the shortest part and go back to the pineapple hair,” Ikkaku suggested. “I always liked the pineapple hair.”

Renji turned pink again. “Ah, well. Rukia likes it long.”

“Yeah, I don’t think the braid is… what I was thinking of,” Izuru soldiered on.

Renji sucked his teeth thoughtfully. “I got a new tattoo? A pair, actually.”

“Oh! Did you?”

“On your chest?” Shuuhei asked hopefully. A healing tattoo would be a good excuse to cover up.

“Nah, on my thighs.”

Izuru sighed. “Since when do I look at your thighs, Abarai?”

“I have good thighs, Izuru.”

“He probably just looks different because he’s so happy now,” Rangiku suggested. “By which I mean getting your back blown out every night.”

“That could be it!” Renji agreed cheerfully. “Oh, I was wearing a scarf for a while there, when we had that cold snap! Is it the scarf? Or maybe the lack of scarf? It’s a nice scarf, Captain gave it to me for a wedding present. He says a man of quality should own a scarf.”

“I give up,” Izuru sighed.

“Hey, jocks, what’s going on?” a new voice interrupted.

“Akon!” half the table chorused and Renji scooted over so Akon could slide in next to him.

“Glad you could make it!”

“Yeah, sorry, I had an experiment I wanted to get finished up.”

“We were just talking about how there’s something different about Renji,” Shuuhei pressed.

Akon surveyed Renji for a moment. “Well, he’s got his tits tucked in for once. Aren’t you hot? You told me once you did that for ventilation.”

“That was very much a lie,” Renji clarified. “And I’m a married man now, my cans are closed for business. Speaking of which, Rangiku, fill ‘er up again, please, I’ve gotta keep up my wife’s reputation.”

---

Momo couldn’t believe this was happening to her. Out of their entire friend group, she was pretty sure she was the least interested in Renji’s… bosoms. There was a time… long, long ago when she had thought he was pretty hot stuff. She still counted him among her closest friends and favorite people, but had long ago come to the conclusion that big and beefy just wasn’t her type.

“Why, Lieutenant Hinamori! What brings you to my office?” Acting Captain Kuchiki Rukia leaned back in her chair, steepling her fingers. She must have been practicing, because the last time Momo had seen her do that, she had nearly fallen backwards out of the chair.

Momo sighed. “I have to tell you, this isn’t business.” Not exactly. It sort of was, in the sense that Shuuhei and Matsumoto (who apparently did care very much about Renji’s chest situation, so long as she wasn’t the one who had to confront him about it) had come over and dramatically draped themselves all over the Squad 5 couch and complained about the dreary state of affairs to Captain Hirako until he ordered Momo to go do some investigating.

“Good, because I have been filling out Nanao’s new skills-inventory-for-seated-officer forms all morning and I’m about to lose it,” Rukia said with an overly cheerful grin.

“We could go out to the yard and fight?” Momo offered hopefully. Maybe she could tell Captain Hirako that she got distracted and forgot to ask about Renji.

Rukia’s face fell a little. “Er, I’d love to, but I really shouldn’t today. Sentarou just made me this pot of tea, though. Do you want some? It’s lemon ginger, it’s really good.”

“Sure,” Momo agreed.

“So what’s up?” Rukia asked again, once Momo was perched in the guest chair, a fragrant cup of tea cradled in her hands.

Well, might as well just rip the bandage off. “I need you to know that I was put up to this by… you know. The idiots. The cowards we go drinking with.”

“Understood,” Rukia agreed.

“There is… some concern… about your husband.”

Rukia’s eyebrows shot up. “My sweet pumpkin pants?”

“I’m leaving,” Momo announced.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Rukia waved her hands, laughing. “I’ll be serious. What has that lunkhead done now?”

“This is so dumb,” Momo muttered. She cleared her throat. “He’s stopped going around with his bazongas hanging out all the time, and everyone’s losing their minds over it.”

Rukia stared at her. “Excuse me, his what?”

Momo made a vague gesture at her own chest. “You know. His… boobies.”

“That’s what I thought you meant,” Rukia nodded, her brow creased in thought. “Bazongas. I like that.”

“Not that I care!” Momo excused. “I mean, I agree, he should be allowed to dress how he likes, but you two seem to have a very equitable relationship and I said that I was sure he wasn’t doing anything that he hadn’t agreed to--”

“Hold on,” Rukia interrupted. “You think I had something to do with this?”

“You didn’t?” Momo asked. “He said he was keeping them tucked in because he was married now. We assumed it was at your request.”

“I didn’t even know!” Rukia replied. “I mean, I came home yesterday, and he was just--” she made a hand gesture like she was pulling her kosode open, “--completely out--”

“I don’t need to hear this,” Momo begged.

“Well, I tell you I had nothing to do with it,” Rukia assured her. “No one is more supportive of Renji acting slutty in public than me. Everyone knows I have that locked down, and honestly, it just makes me seem more powerful.”

Momo squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m going to punch Shuuhei so hard.”

Rukia rubbed her index finger over her chin. “It’s possible this came down from Brother…”

Momo whimpered, although, honestly, having a conversation with the other Captain Kuchiki about Abarai’s pectorals couldn’t possibly be more awkward than this.

“...or it might be… something else.” Rukia frowned. “I’ll talk to him, okay?”

“You will?” Momo asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it. I can’t promise to bring the jugs back, but I’ll make sure it’s just Renji being a doofus and not Renji hiding his anxieties under aesthetic choices or Renji being oppressed by his brother-in-law.”

“Thank you, Rukia,” Momo said. Rukia could be bossy at times, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. “Sometimes, Renji has to be bullied into taking care of himself.”

“You’re telling me!” Rukia exclaimed. “Thank you for caring about him,” she added warmly.

“For the record, I care about him,” Momo replied. “Everyone else just misses the view.”

“Noted,” Rukia replied.

---

Renji had his nose stuffed in his cookbook, which lately, wasn’t a good sign. Renji only owned one cookbook, an encyclopedic tome that he only cracked open when he was trying something new or otherwise wasn’t sure what he was doing.

“I hope you aren’t making that kale curry again,” Rukia noted dryly.

Renji jumped three feet in the air. “Aaah, shoot! Rukia! I didn’t hear you come in! I’m so sorry!”

Rukia hopped up on her kitchen stool and leaned across the counter to give him a kiss. “We’ve been married for four months now. You don’t have to greet me at the door every single day, you know.”

“Sixteen weeks, three days,” Renji replied. “And I can still be sorry about it.”

“Just tell me we’re having something normal for dinner, and I’ll forgive you,” Rukia replied.

Renji jerked a thumb toward the stove behind him. “I made oden,” he explained. “It’s simmering, probably’ll be another ten minutes.”

“Ohhhhhh, I love your oden!” Rukia stretched her arms across the counter and did grabby hands at his hands until he laced his fingers through hers. “Did you make enough for me to take some for lunch tomorrow?”

“Depends on how much you eat tonight,” he replied. “Your appetite’s been really hit or miss lately.”

“Yeah, well...” Rukia agreed. “So what’s with the cookbook, then?”

“Oh,” Renji said vaguely. “I’m thinking about learning to bake cookies?”

“I’m in favor of that,” Rukia agreed, although her mind immediately went back to the conversation she’d had with Momo that afternoon.

“I’m not sure this book is helping,” Renji admitted. “If I was any good at baking, it would be one thing, but it’s too different. I’ve always been better at learning stuff from other people. Do you think it would be weird if I asked Iba’s mom to teach me? She used to make these little sesame biscuits for Iba. I would always steal them from him. They were so good and he didn’t properly appreciate them anyway.”

“It would absolutely be weird, and I think you should do it anyway,” Rukia proclaimed. She paused. “But maybe you could wait a few more weeks until we tell everyone we’re pregnant so all your friends will stop asking me what’s wrong with you.”

Renji’s eyes widened. “Did your brother say something last night? Because he told me he liked the braid!”

Rukia snorted. “No. He’s worse than you are anyway, he’s been reading books. Please make him stop, if you can. Actually, I’ve been getting complaints about,” she circled a finger in the vicinity of Renji’s chest.

Renji glanced down, and realized that his kosode was still neatly folded up to his collarbone. “Oops, sorry! I told you I didn’t hear you come home.” He immediately began untucking it.

Rukia leaned her chin on her palm, watching his progress. “I realize that making emotionally constipated people face their feelings is usually your department, but it seems you’ve got something heavy rattling around in there. Wanna talk about it?”

Renji’s eyes slid to one side. “Talk about what?”

Rukia cocked an eyebrow and waited.

Renji heaved a sigh. “Do you remember that time, back in Inuzuri, the first time I used my reiatsu in public? When I blocked a lead pipe with my arm?”

Rukia almost choked. “What do you mean, do I remember it? Of course I remember it.”

“Well, not so much that, but do you remember afterward, when you said I was too big and mean to be a sneakthief anymore? That it was better to confront the world and show it what we were made of?”

“I do remember that. I did not call you mean.”

“You probably didn’t. It’s probably just something I thought about myself.” He looked pensive for a moment. “In any case, it was something I really took to heart, especially after we split up. At first, I just wanted to make myself as big and loud and scary as possible. I liked the way people shied away from me. Later on, after I started hanging out with Yumichika, I realized that walking around sexy could be intimidating in a different sort of way, and I liked that, too.”

Rukia had a comment for that, but she decided to just listen, instead.

Renji smoothed the page of his book with his fingers. “I don’t want to look scary anymore.”

“You don’t look scary,” Rukia reassured him. “You haven’t looked scary in a long time.”

“I want to do better than that, though,” Renji frowned. “Has your brother ever talked to you about his dad?”

Rukia blinked, surprised, mostly that Byakuya had talked about Soujun with Renji. “A few times.”

“I, uh, asked him what his dad was like. Since I never had one myself. I expected him to either blow me off or start bellyaching, like he does about his granddad, but he didn’t. He said his pop was very gentle and kind. He said he was a good dad.”

“Byakuya loved his father a lot.”

“Yeah, that was pretty clear.”

“I hope he finished by saying what a good father you will make, but it’s my brother, so I’m sure he didn’t.”

“He said something about how he was sure I would proceed in my own way.”

Rukia sighed again. “Renji, you’ll be a great dad. It’s super obvious. I’ve only told half a dozen people that I’m pregnant and all of them who aren’t Byakuya have immediately reacted with ‘Renji is going to be such a good dad.’ You don’t need to change anything about yourself.”

Renji sucked his teeth for a moment. “Well, all my good dad instincts are telling me our kid is gonna wanna fight the world bad enough as it is, that the last thing they need is a dad who wants to fight the world, too. I’ve fought the world long enough. I’m probably never gonna be gentle, but I can try my best to be kind, and I can dress like a normal person in public for a change and… maybe I can make a cookie? It’s worth a try, I think.”

Rukia flashed him a sad, but fond smile. “You’re such a dork. A sweet, thoughtful dork, though, and I will support your experiment, even though you know I love your bazongas more than anyone.”

“‘Bazongas’? Oh no, did those assholes make Momo come and talk to you?”

Rukia shrugged and tried to look innocent.

“Anyway, you’re my wife, I will take them out for you whenever you want.”

“Yay!”

Renji furrowed his brow into its “determined” configuration. “Do not get me wrong. I am actually upping my chest day routine. I am going to keep them immaculate, and when my shirt gets ripped off in a fight, people are going to lose their minds over how lush my boys are.”

“I love you so much,” Rukia replied.

[boysintheblueimagines]

Online Dinners

Pairing: (Y/N) x Gavin Lux

A/N: ahhh!! My first Gavin imagine! Hope y’all like it, also I chose to do Gavin because I haven’t done any for him. I really hope you guys like it!

Warnings: none

Request: Dinners over FaceTime because he has a away game and the reader is home? W Gavin or Cody

After the day you had, you definitely did not want to make dinner, the only reason you wanted to be in your kitchen, if so you could pour yourself a drink. You looked at the clock and realized you only had half and hour before Gavin was going to call. Gavin was currently in Colorado playing the Rockies, your job made it basically impossible for you to go on road trips, so you were stuck at home, sharing dinner over FaceTime, it really wasn’t as bad as you though it was going to be, but Gavin was punctual, so you had to get something to eat, fast.

You decided on a food truck that was always parked by your shared apartment. They served the best Mexican street food ever. You and Gavin ate it at least once a week, because it was so cheap and so good.

After picking up your food, you made a mad dash home to make it in time for Gavin’s call. You barely make it in the door when you hear the familiar ringer of the FaceTime call.

“Hey Gav.” You say out of breathe.

“Well hello to you too, did you just get home?” He asked.

“Just walked in the door” you said putting you phone up so he could see you.

“I’m sorry, I thought today was your short day.” He said taking a bite of whatever he was eating.

“Yeah, I thought that too, until Emily, decided she didn’t feel like coming in.” You say getting situated and pulling your food from the bag.

“Damn Emily.” He laughed.

“Thats exactly what I said.” You laughed before taking a bite of your taco.

“Aww look and little Gavin and his girlfriend, that’s so cute they’re eating together.” Someone said from behind Gavin.

“Oh shut up Justin.” He laughed.

“Our little Gavin, growing up so quick.” Justin patted his head, causing you to laugh uncontrollably.

“Oh you think my torture is funny.” He said looking at you.

“Yes I do.” You said with a straight face.

“You’re evil.” He laughed taking another bite.

“So what did you get?” You ask.

“Some salad, it’s weird though, it has this random green shit in it.” Gavin said.

“Gavin are you talking about the lettuce?” You ask ready to laugh even hard.

“No, not the lettuce this shit.” He holds up a piece of kale.

“Thats kale, it’s the new thing I guess, especially out here.” You say.

“Well it’s stupid. What did you get, Mexican?” He asked.

“Yep. I really didn’t want to cook tonight or wait very long, so mexican food truck it is.” You say.

“I miss you.” He said pushing his salad aside.

“I miss you too, but you are only gone for two more days and then you come home to me.” You smile.

“I can’t wait, I spend way too much time with these losers.” He said emphasizing the ‘losers’ as someone passed.

“That is incredibly rude Gavin.” Justin replied sarcastically.

“Well, I guess you shouldn’t be rude to me then.” Gavin said back.

“Ugh.” Justin walked away in a huff.

“You guys are too much.” You laugh.

“Too much, is one way to put it.” He laughed.

“Gavin, you have to go, batting practice starts soon.” You said.

“Ope, you’re right. I gotta go, I will call you after the game.” He said.

“I’ll be waiting by the phone.” You say.

“I love you.” He said blowing a kiss.

“I love you too.” Catching the kiss.

“Byeee.” You say waving.

This was your tradition, every single time he went away.