#Also like I think he had some sort of close-ish relationship with God because we see him turn to Them so many times especially in s1

[thatlonelycactus]

Random Good Omens HC that will def be disproved in s3:

So y’all know that theory that “Crowley can’t see stars bc of his eyes- that was his punishment for falling” well what if his eyes were the reason he fell. What if Crowley was the Almighty’s favourite and, because of Their bias They tried to save him from falling whilst still punishing him? Like if on the trial day- whatever they did idk I’m imagining a trial occurred even if everyone was declared guilty and cast out- the Almighty was like “For your crime of asking questions, I’ll take away your ability to see what you have created” and gave him the eyes of a snake. However, this was the last straw, for how could They be so cruel to punish someone for asking questions? And Crowley realised that Heaven was not what it pretended to be because HOW could they justify the punishment for his crimes or maybe he just couldn’t live with the shame of having snake eyes (I like the former more) and so he chose to fall instead of remain an angel and live with the loss of his beloved stars. But yeah I just needed to get that out of my head because as much as I like this idea it’s a) prob not gonna happen and b) just yeah.

[mamawasatesttube]

this is like a kinda weird pair but what do you think kon's thoughts on/relationship with bruce is?

the hardest part of this is, i think, deciding on how on gods green earth to nail down a bruce characterization when he's been written so wildly inconsistently across so many comics. generally i try to characterize him as like... a good man, overall, but incredibly emotionally constipated and prone to really putting his foot in it now and again because he's got like control issues and whatnot. i think in a lot of comics he turns into more of a plot device (and white male power fantasy, conflict driver, etc) than a consistent character, so it kinda makes it hard to be like "man i wish he wasn't an asshole" but also i just dont think he can be a total dickwad and still be a hero bc imo that makes the entire meta fall apart. heroes have to be good (can be incredibly flawed, but have to be good) for the genre to work, i think. otherwise its like oh boy thats just cops.

so that being said...

i think bruce cares for kon in the way of any awkward-but-well-meaning parental figure with their child's best friend. i also think he's absolute godawful dogshit at making that clear at any point. i don't think he particularly has any reason to dislike kon other than when writers try to make him racist against metas or play him into misogynistic "my daughter can't have friends who are male!" tropes, which i just kinda. tend to throw out personally, so i don't really think they have that sort of conflict, but i do think kon doesn't really know what to make of him because he knows bruce has pulled some shit with tim (like tim's 16th birthday fiasco, which is imo the kind of thing thats like. in character for a bruce-esque fuckup. literally wouldve been fine if he'd just told tim like hey this is a practice exercise i want you to take seriously. tim wouldve happily larped about it with him like cmon man), AND with cass, two people kon definitely cares about. but kon adores clark and bruce and clark are pretty close, so i think to kon he's in the nebulous space of like "weird distant uncle-ish figure" or something.

i DO also think bruce is fond of kon in a distant but anguished way because he saw firsthand just how badly losing kon affected tim, and quite possibly cass if we kinda just. throw out the stupid mind control arc and let her like. have a storyline that isn't whatever the hell that was. also there's something to the fact that an alternate universe kon was his robin. he probably learned about that when kon reported back to the jl after hypertension arc. i think he probably had at least one (1) emotion about it but didn't tell anyone.

the comedic version however is that bruce finds out that baby kon wanted parents so bad, is deeply affected because he is NOT immune to a little guy who wants parents, and keeps really awkwardly trying to dad at him but he's so weird and awkward and distant about it that kon straight up has no idea what he's doing. who the hell just bought him a new oven to replace the one in his apartment he complained to tim about one (1) time??? tim swears it wasn't him so what the hell??? bruce is pleased with himself, kon is so fucking confused, and clark meanwhile will be laughing his ass off about it all.

[froguemorgue]

[phases through your screen]

i want to pick your brain about hamilton and religion because like everything about this man it kept changing, but maybe that's just the human condition.

we know he met a dr knox but that was an entirely educational occupation. we know the storm absolutely shook him to the core but that's mortal to the core. i feel like as all men, as all people, the moment he needn't have to depend on the faith for a divine and merciful father he just let it push back. and it seems?? sort of?? that society itself was still holding onto the enlightenment era aye? which is funny because there also seems to be some sort of religious upheaval through different denominations (of protestantism) in America. and then we have the constitution which didn't even bother thinking about Christianity in explicit terms. it seems to be a gotcha but back then i feel like it was more of an obviously it'll be this, how could it possibly change thing benjamin franklin DID try to have a prayer to guide them towards a more harmonious and productive convention only to be rejected because they couldn't afford a chaplain. which, i didn't know protestantism had fun stuff like chaplains, we just have Brother (in Christ) and Sister (in Christ) and then if you're good and of binary genrder you graduate to Pastor (and ascend onwards to Chief Pastor, i believe) and Mother (and Senior Sister, and then ur seniority depends on the seniority of your faith home) ANYWAYS again we know after philip's death he was a lot more religious, he at least read the sermons even if he didn't attend church regularly ish? and he begged to be buried in trinity church (i thought he would get into the dutch reformation church? after marrying eliza?) and yeah so that's just

this is just how a man would deal with religion i guess. but faith seems different. and its funny/sad how hamilton who never could depend on others never has much speaking about his faith either. and i have to consider all this when he has someone he's close with like oc who's a faithful man. who's self-styled to be a sort of man of god, with divinely granted foreknowledge. primarily, i feel like hamilton would have been a lot tenser about getting entangled with laurens, if we assume that they had a steady, fairly sweet relationship

A lot of what I'm about to reply totally echoes what you've already stated, but I'm gonna yap anyway. tl;dr, hamilton's religion may have been comforting to him but I don't think they were rigid moral lessons that he practiced, even later in life, except as performance or to further comfort himself. sad, little faith in him as a person? maybe, idk. sorry

If I'm being so honest, I think Hamilton's religiousness later in life was due in part to environment + age (his wife and her family, the slowing of youthful ambition and perceived hubris associated with questioning social standards, religion, life as one tries to find themselves in their teens and 20s) but also performance. Maybe it's his upbringing, but I just don't see him as a religious man so much as a man surrounded by religion. (My reply to this submission has taken sooo long because I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts on it, which are certainly not objective, I'm not citing any sources here so take anything I write with a grain of salt, and my opinion on the characterization of Hamilton's later-life religion is definitely influenced by my own experience with Protestant Christianity in the U.S.).

Okay, so everyone's religious. Not everyone, but most everyone, even prominent men who subscribed to science and philosophy and would consider themselves a different sect of Christian, even if that veered into the territory of agnosticism. Colonials and the countries from which they came accepted at this time that there is a Creator and the big question during Hamilton's young life was whether the Creator had given kings and queens the right to rule over everyone else. Politics, always politics. So even if Hamilton was more agnostic as many youths are as they struggle to learn more about the world, their opinions, and to find their place within society, he's not going to go around being Godless. I think his religiousness later in his life was impacted by the fact that it was the philosophy most (colonizers) people subscribed to in some way or another, from England to France to Spain. (I'd like to add also that even if his mother ((or his mother's ex-husband Johann Lavien)) was potentially Jewish which is potentially the reason he'd have a Jewish tutor and know how to cite the Torah in Hebrew, any learning in Judaism, Hebrew, or the Torah does not necessitate him being Jewish because Christianity is rooted in Judaism. That's a whole other thing and I imagine learning about Judaism would make him a better-rounded individual and more knowledgeable in religion and it's interesting to portray him/take liberties with this information in fiction).

So Hamilton's getting older and more sure of his beliefs, performing also for his political agenda, and he is now a part of a Christian family with a reputation, so of course he's going to value religion in public. He has a moral responsibility to raise his children that way, to attend services himself. History, science, philosophy, politics, economics, literature, math, it was all taught through the lens of religion.

I also think there is a degree of tranquility and comfort he was finding in religion, in going to church like a meditation, in quiet, and in his final moments, hoping his life meant something, afraid to die and hoping everything he believed in his faith was true, that there isn't just nothing, that in a way, he'd live on. It's frightening to know for hours that you are going to die, to have a child who died just a few years prior, and to have that time to reflect on your life? No wonder he sought the comfort of religion. He was still a young guy, he had kids, his wife, I'm sure he wasn't nearly ready. But you know how he's characterized most often... a frightened and ambitious man running on a timer for his whole life, unsatisfied and feeling nothing was ever enough. Maybe that's another reason he sought religion. It might have felt peaceful and good.

As for his relationship with Laurens... this is conjecture until I shovel some true sources to back this statement, but I think he didn't care. I think, especially when he was young, he did feel that he had the impunity to love who he loved or have intimate physical relationships outside of marriage and that that couldn't be wrong. His teenage poetry (objection, your honor, my client was just a celibate horndog) and his reputation indicated he might have been having physical relations before ever marrying, which was improper but not as entirely inappropriate for a man as it was a woman (people didn't like this anyway). If his letters to Laurens were any indication, he didn't write anything that would give a negative connotation to their relationship, meanwhile he chided Laurens for apparently thinking a "cure" was necessary (say the word "cure" and the historical lams/amrev tumblrstorians go bonkers. that sentence was crazy. both exciting as a piece of evidence and... completely heart-breaking). I think John had a great deal of guilt and shame, I mean, he just seemed to be full of that at least starting in his late teens... probably around the time he realized the attraction to men vs. how completely unacceptable that was in most contexts. then his many mistakes in his early 20s before joining the war, i mean. poor guy.

Hamilton? I do NOT think he was like that at all. I think he could understand it, but he probably didn't feel it in the same capacity and for that reason. Hating yourself because you feel like you'll never be good enough? He and Laurens had that in common. Hating same-sex attraction, sex, and romance? No way. He seemed to know that part of himself well and besides marrying for the long list of reasons he had to do so, I don't think he would ever let religion get in the way of how deeply he felt and desired love. Love of God would bring him closer to Elizabeth and their children. Love of God would not negate his relationship with Laurens. Also to tack on, it was not for a lack of God or religion that he told Laurens that straight marriage ≠ cure. I would imagine that his relationships with men, emotional and physical and anything else, were separate from what he considered to be his marital duties.

[masschase]

for the ask meme, i’m kinda curious to learn more about johnny and casey’s dynamic. they hooked up right? how do you think an actual relationship between them would’ve gone?

Also a fun one and um... I've had the worst sleep last night so I apologise if this is horribly incoherent.

OK, so... if Casey and Shaundi is the hookup that happened way too late, Casey and Johnny was the thing that probably shouldn't have happened, at least from their perspective. I feel like I could go into all the reasons it did in fact happen and it would be a whole fricken post plus you-know-who is involved and I'm trying not to bring him up in these 🤣

But I feel like these are more about how things would work if they did get together, let's say that was their most logical starting point. Except maybe not quite. Their romance scene obviously goes hard and it shaped the way I write Casey as rambling when she's emotional until someone shuts her up which is one of my favourite things ever honestly. But I can also see it being an instant, intense... considerably goo-smeared... kiss the minute they reunite.

There are also other moments where it could have happened; after the shared grieving of Aisha and Carlos, just before the bank heist (yes, I can't get over that thing I wrote even if it doesn't fit Casey. It could easily be rewritten to fit Casey, honestly. All that would need changing would be the thing about that Boss being a spoilt rich kid.). Either way I see this being something that would be most likely happen on the ship because it's the only place it really fits in their history. So if it happened then...

I mean it's GatBoss for god's sakes. I'm pretty sure I shipped them while playing 4. At the early stages of my fanfic they were implied to have a much less platonic journey too. But now with the developed character Casey is it's a lot harder to see it.

I mean they do love each other, it's not so hard to reframe that as romantic love. They have fun together, they like the same things. The getting to know you stage was so long ago I feel like they'd have to do a lot of it all again. Casey would absolutely tease Johnny about the 10 year age gap because he's squicky about it whereas she's not too bothered.

I don't think they'd really engage in PDA, I think they'd be pretty cute behind closed doors though. I think they'd argue a lot because they can both be incredibly stubborn at times, but the makeup sex would be incredible. I don't know who the fuck is going to be their live in chef after they take the new planet because neither of those fuckers can cook. Honestly they can hire someone from the pods or it'll just be Ben.

Johnny is absolutely one of the first to call Casey out on her bullshit. Yes, again this would lead to arguments. But you have to bear in mind he also really gets how her excuses about relationships and marriage are in fact excuses because he's known her forever. Eventually she'd confide her full past in him and he'd just connect the dots.

What does this mean? I think they'd get married. Relatively quickly. Johnny would bring it up when Casey starting asking about kids, honestly, which we know is something she wants from the presidency onward. Almost like a "Aight if we're gonna talk about this we're gonna talk about ALL of this." sort of thing. They'd probably be planning it pre-GOOH(by which I mean Pierce would be planning it with some input from Casey, because we know Johnny's disastrous at that) and originally planning it to be on the ship but then... honestly...

I don't know where that whole volleyball tournament takes place. But one could imagine it was on some purgatory-ish beach somewhere. People from hell were allowed there, people from heaven were allowed there, Johnny and Kinzie were allowed there. That's where Johnny and Casey would get married. That way everyone could come. Everyone.

They'd make sure to do it before the war for the planet. Speaking of which, the whole "pairing people up to make them get along" would go out of the window. The action couple is absolutely going out there side by side. Possibly without the robots seeing how that discussion came about. But the Saints would still win, I think.

God I feel like my response here has gone off the rails a bit I was just going to talk about their dynamic haha. Would they stand the test of time? Maybe. I really can't stress enough that I've literally never sat down and thought about this before.

So yeah. In my universe it's definitely a platonic soulmates vibe. But it's really not that hard to imagine a world where it's not platonic.

[gurugirl]

I have a lengthy rant (sorry lol) and really need some advice. Theres this guy who I was close with that I liked. He didn’t know I did and I use to pretend i didn’t… I wasn’t sure if he liked me too but he use to show all the signs that he did. We both agreed to a friends with benefits dynamic and I told him how I didn’t want any feelings or commitment involved which he said ok to. But he ended up admitting to me later on that he liked me wayyy before we started our situationship (which I kinda figured) I never told him that I liked him too but instead told him that I didn’t like him in that way and maybe we should just go back to being strictly friends. We never went to the extent of having sex but did everything else under it. And he was my first for it all which he knows because before our situationship I told him that I was a virgin. Never dated, never gave/receive oral, never had sex. And so our first time was making out and me getting off on his lap and each time it gradually increased to us giving/receiving oral. (sorry for the details lol) And each time he would teach/guide me through it. I know he has a lot of past experience and I know he doesn’t have the best track record in relationships (always cheating) but I didn’t really mind cause in my head, I wasn’t gonna want to actually date the man. Anyways, we also work together and go to college together. So I’ll see him occasionally at school but always at work. And he started to call out more to avoid me and take different routes to not me on campus. I confronted him and he said he just wanted to respect my feelings and how he thinks he’s getting too attached to me and likes me more than before so he thought giving me some space would help since I didn’t want that. Then about a week later he ends up moving to another state for school. We were talking/texting the whole time until he landed. He ignored my text so I never bothered reaching out after (it’s been almost 2wks now) and I just found out from a friend of his that the entire time this happened HE WAS DATING ANOTHER GIRL!! So now idk how to feel. I can’t be mad because I said I didn’t want a relationship even tho I liked him but I can’t help but feel like he used me… Even though we both consensually made that choice, knowing he had a gf the entire time makes me feel like I was being used for sex but it’s so hypocritical for me to think that way since I told him that’s all I wanted… Am I wrong for what I did? And do I really have a good enough reason to be upset/hurt? I talked with my friends about it and they all keep saying how he shouldn’t have lied but he technically didn’t “use me” and maybe they’re right but it’s kinda how it feels. Like just shitty. And why pretend to like me?? yk

Oh my god :( :(

Baby, I'm so sorry this happened. I think this sort of thing is just SO TRICKY. Because even tho he had a girlfriend it doesn't mean he didn't like you. He lied to you, though, and that just makes him a super shitty person for doing that to you. I'm glad you didn't have sex with him, though!

I've been in a situation where I was the "other woman" too. Only I slept with the guy and we started getting serious (well I thought we were getting serious lol). I had no idea he was seeing a chick he was ENGAGED TO and wound up marrying after ghosting me. I dated the guy for MONTHS. I slept at his house and his roommate never said a damn thing to me (stupid guy code bullshit probably). I would wake up early and start coffee and walk his dog, have conversations with his roommate... And he acted like he was falling in love with me. He was super romantic and would say super cheesy shit to make me laugh but he'd be like "i'm serious. that's how i feel about you." and of course that ish worked on me at the time... anyway one day he just stopped calling, texting and totally ghosted me. A year later I learned he was seeing a woman the whole time he was with me and I only found out because a mutual friend was invited to their wedding 😂

SO... I'm telling you all this to say I know how it feels. You dodged a bullet that he left the state and now you can move on. He probably did like you but it's not worth it to dwell on that because he's a cheater - he even had that reputation so... yeah. You dodged a huge bullet there.

You didn't do anything wrong hon. You had no idea! That's how I felt about the guy who lied to me for months at first but then I realized that I was enjoying a relationship with someone and that's the end of that. What he was doing was his issue. Not mine. I had fun with him while it lasted but now I know the warning signs to look out for and you do too. Don't feel bad and don't worry about what his intentions were. He's a loser and you get to sigh a huge breath of relief knowing he's gone for good and that you didn't sleep with him.

Just give it some time, my love. You'll feel better soon. xoxo

[clairecrive]

"Rock my world" - Sirius Black x reader

A/n: I was thinking of making this a series but idk, let me know what you think. The band in the picture, Maneskin, are my inspiration for the marauders' band music and aesthetic. Check them out cause they're really good. They're going to represent Italy at the next Eurovision contest.

Here's their Instagram and Spotify.

Tags: Muggle AU, so ofc no magic, no Hogwarts, Marauders in a rock band, no Peter but Regulus instead, jily

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.2K ish

Summary: When y/n finally agrees to check out this band that her best friend was always talking about, she's in for a pleasant surprise and one hell of a night.

It had all started in the cheesiest and most cliscé of ways, really. Y/n had made a bet which had made you go out of your comfort zone that one night and for your bravery, you were rewarded with the most amazing boyfriend ever. It sounds like a story out of a rom-com or a romance novel, doesn't it? Well, yeah, it felt like a main character moment but, unlike what we see in those stories, it wasn't always fun and games.

But let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Y/n's best friend Jules had been nagging her about this rock band who was apparently the new sensation of the year according to her, for the longest time. So, one Friday night, when Jules had informed her that that very band was playing in a bar not very far from her workplace, she agreed to go for drinks there.

Worst case scenario, she thought, the music will be terrible but at least I get to tease Jules about it.

Still clothed in the floral dress she had chosen this morning, but adding a few glittery touches and graphic eyeliner to make her look more nighty, y/n headed towards said bar where Jules was already waiting for her.

"Finally," she huffed when y/n rounded the corner and entered her field of vision. 

"Sorry, it was my turn to close tonight," y/n shot her an apologetic smile before hooking their arms.

They made their way inside looking for a place to sit. The bar was already crowded but not in an unusual way. Maybe it was the hour or the fact that it was a weeknight, y/n didn't know but felt grateful that it wasn't packed. She really wasn't a fan of crowded places.

They got their drinks and caught up as they usually would about their week. They were almost finished when the band walked up the stage and music started playing. Even before the first note, one look at their outfits made clear what kind of music they were going to play. 

They had an interesting aesthetic, y/n had to admit. They wore the same colour but each member had their own style. The band was made up of four guys, the bassist had long straight hair and he looked a lot like the singer who instead had curly hair, the drummer had short curly light brown hair and y/n couldn't see what he was wearing past a black vest while the guitarist had black hair that was all over the place and wore glasses. 

They had an androgynous aesthetic, each of them with beautiful makeup in tones of black and grey and the ones y/n could see clearly were wearing a sort of body. They looked stunning. Y/n had decided she liked them based on this alone. She had to admire anyone who had the guts to express themselves freely especially when it was in such an open and unapologetic way of going against gender norms.

After half an hour, the music stopped and after the singer wished everyone goodnight and they all climbed down. As she expected, they played rock music ranging from soft rock edging pop to hard rock that made her think a lot of ACDC. Y/n wasn't an expert in music but she had liked what she heard and wouldn't mind listening more from them. She was sure that she was going to catch some of their songs on the radio in the future. 

However, Jules picked up the conversation where they had left it before the concert and decided that it was the time where she'd complain about her recent love interest. Each of their weekly meetings had one of this moment. Unfortunately, it looked like Jules didn't have a lot of luck when it came to guys. And as it always would, she wondered if she was the problem asking y/n if the reason every one of her relationships failed because she was unlovable. As if.

"That's not true, I truly believe that you can learn to love anyone. Lest you get to know them, of course."

"Of course you'd say something like that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you truly believe that, then you're not going to say no to this." Jules wriggles her eyebrows suggestively and y/n knew that the night is either about to become very interesting or about to go very wrong.

"The expression on your face is telling me that I should definitely say no to what you're about to say."

"Oh c'mon, it's just an innocent dare. Nothing too crazy, I promise."

"Which is?"

"You see that guy leaning on the bar? Long black hair with the black leather jacket?" Y/n turned around indulging her friend and eventually spotted the guy she was talking about. She took her time to look at him until she realized something that made her whip around to face Jules again.

"You mean the singer of the band?" y/n asked incredulously.

"Isn't he handsome?" Jules smiled wide completely ignoring the look y/n was giving her already knowing what was going through her friends' mind. "I want you to go to him and ask him out."

"What?" 

"C'mon", Jules complained reaching out to y/n over the table, "didn't you say that it was possible to love anyone? Can't you see yourself loving him?"

"That's not the point," y/n exclaimed still not believing that her friend was suggesting something so outrageous. "Can you see him loving me?" Because that man over there had "heart breaker" spelt all over him. And okay, y/n had to admit that this was a rush judgment she was making and it wasn't exactly fair but there was no way that a guy like him could be interested in a girl like her.

And yes, we could stay here and discuss all the reasons why that statement is wrong but still, if she were to put herself out there -something that was not like her at all- she wasn't going to go over someone so out of reach for her. And that was that.

"Listen, do you remember that video you sent me the other day?" Jules squared her shoulders, now looking fully serious at y/n. Unfortunately, y/n did remember the video Jules was talking about. She would have never guessed it would come back and bit her in the ass otherwise she'd never sent it.

Sighing, y/n looked down at the drink in her hands and thought about it. The video basically encouraged the viewer to go up to what they believed was the most beautiful person in the room and tell them exactly that. It may sound a little silly but at the time y/n had appreciated the sentiment. Going out of one's comfort zone. Challenging yourself. Because, what was the worst that could happen? That person shotting you down? That didn't sound life-threatening. Now though, y/n wasn't so sure. 

"Worst case scenario, just tell him I'm calling you and head back here." Jules offered, almost as if she could tell exactly what her best friend was thinking.

Looking at her best friend, something snapped in her. Jules was right. What's the worst that could happen? She already knew that the guy was going to shoot her down. She was prepared. It was a dare, a silly thing that could give her a story to tell to her nephews one day. 

What the hell, y/n thought squaring her shoulders. 

"You know what?" she downed the rest of her drink and got up from her seat, "I'm doing it." Looking in the reflection of the tissue box on the table to check how she looked, she fixed her smudged lipstick and ruffed her hair before nodding solemnly at Jules and turned around.

As she made her way to the bar, she could hear Jules cheering on her fueling her sudden confidence. 

The man of the hour was there where she saw him last. Her steps faltered as she realized that she had no idea how to approach him. What was she going to say? Oh my god, she was totally going to make a fool of herself. If she was not going to die for his rejection, she sure is going to die of embarrassment. 

She was almost about to turn around and abort the mission when his eyes met hers.

Well, fuck. There was no way she was going to back down now.

She regained her confidence and smiled at him while closing the distance between them. She smiled at him. Who was she? Did someone drug her drink?

He smiled back at her, turning so that he'd be facing her once she reached him and she almost stopped to pinch herself to see if she was hallucinating or something.

"Hey," she said once she stood in front of him. Good, she thought, let's start with something simple.

"Hi," he smiled back at her.  

Okay, okay, it's going good, isn't it? He hasn't ignored me, that must mean something, right? Yes, that he wasn't a rude asshole was her sobering thought.

"So," y/n started trying to take to time while she figured what to say, "I saw a video the other day," was what she ended up with. 

The handsome stranger lifted his eyebrows in amusement and took a sip of his beer. Y/n took that as a "go on then".

"There was this woman that basically dared anyone watching to go up to the person who they thought was the most beautiful person in the room and tell them exactly that." Well, let's just get it out of the way, I guess, she thought. "So, here I am," she added as if it wasn't clear enough.

However, as she saw the man's smile widen, y/n suddenly realized how really screwed she was. This man was way out of her league.

"Well, now that I'm here, I should also mention that you've really good at what you do too." 

"Not to sound rude or anything," he spoke for the first time that evening and y/n had already decided that he had been the gods' favourite in another life before he opened his mouth but now? as he heard his low and raspy voice? she was sure he had been at least a demi-god, "did you lost a bet or something?" he asked, his grey eyes boring into hers like he was looking into her soul.  

Who was this guy? and why was she feeling like this? Get a grip, y/n, she scolded herself.

"Is it that obvious?" y/n's shoulders slouched as some of the tension left them, a nervous laugh leaving her mouth. 

"I saw you downing your drink like it was some kind of bravery potion before you came here," he explained with a light scroll of his shoulders. "Not that I mind though," he added with what should be an illegal smirk. Smug.

"Yeah, I'm sure you've heard it countless time only tonight." Let's joke on it, she thought, there's still a chance I can come clean out of this mess. 

He chuckled and, not leaving her eyes, he slipped a hand through his loose hair pushing it back. "I meant that if you hadn't come I would probably found an excuse to come up to you too." He leaned back onto the bar looking completely unbothered, not as if he had said something that made her feel on fire. 

"Looks like I've to thank your friend for my luck." Looking over your shoulder, he held one of his hands up and lightly waving at Jules, y/n figured.

"Yeah, let's not tell her that or I will never hear the end of it." Rolling her eyes, y/n also leaned on her arm resting on the bar next to him. Whether it was the fact that all the cards were on the table or that what he said meant that he had to somewhat like her, she felt more relaxed than a couple of minutes ago.

"Before I make this solemn oath, I think it would be appropriate to know your name, don't you think?"

"It's y/n," she held her hand up for him to shake. However, he had something else in mind since when he took hold of her hand he turned it and held it up to his lips to leave a soft kiss on it. Y/n  almost rolled her eyes at the gesture if it wasn't for his eyes. They didn't move from hers and she found that she didn't want to stop looking at him. Like she was in a trance. Yes, he was handsome, even more so up close, so of course he was nice to look at but that wasn't why. It's the way his eyes glimmered as they watched her, the gentleness with which he was holding her hand, the softness of his lips on her skin. What would they feel like on her lips, she wondered.

"I'm Sirius." 

And that's how it all started. A silly video sent almost automatically to her best friend and an outrageous bet made y/n's night definitely interesting. To her luck though, Sirius became a permanent presence and not a one-night sensation.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Tagging: @seldomabsent

[bicycle4two]

say you wanna, say you wanna be || Sam Drake x Reader || Chapter 3

Summary: Sam isn't looking for a girlfriend and, frankly, you don't think you'd be a good one anyway, but you two aren't some one-night stand and it's been a long time since either of you thought of each other as a convenient booty call. This is something more, something the two of you didn't realize would be. It's uncharted territory. And there is no other choice but to figure out how to navigate through it together.

Pairing: Sam Drake x Fem!Reader

Tags(ish): developing relationship, implied/non-explicit sexual content, romance/fluff/hurt/comfort, age difference (though reader’s age is not stated), switching povs (second person reader, third person sam), no y/n but reader has a nickname

C.1 || C.2

Chapter Three:

There’s a memory that haunts you from when you were young. It’s always there at the back of your mind, coming up at the most inconvenient of times. Well, it’s not like there is a convenient time for you to remember such a thing but sometimes it catches you when you’re at a really bad place.

Sometimes you remember it when you have one who hides their phones for more reasons than just “privacy,” one who only takes you out when there’s no one around who knows the two of you, one who disappears without a trace only to come back with flowers and excuses, the smell of another woman’s perfume on their clothes.

Sometimes you remember it when there’s nothing for you to worry about, like now, when you’re under Sam, his weight more comforting than suffocating, trying to catch your breath after a mind shattering orgasm. Your ceiling, something that’s never been impressive before, has your full attention as you try to gather yourself, lure your soul back into your body.

“I-I think. I think I lost my vision for a second there,” you breathe out, earning a chuckle from Sam.

“You flatter me, princess.”

“What was that? I can’t hear either,” you push your hair away from your face. It’s damp with sweat. You’re going to need another shower. “I think I entered another dimension. I think I saw God.”

Sam pushes himself off of you and kisses you gently on the lips. You’d think he was asking for another round if he wasn’t as tired as you. “Not God,” he says, voice deep. He’s caught his breath, the rise and fall of his chest steady. It’s kind of funny that a smoker can recover faster than you. “Just me.”

And it’s the word “just” that sticks to you, that repeats itself over and over in your head, that brings forth the memory that you’ve desperately try to keep at the back of your mind, locked up and buried. It’s the memory of a phone screen, a chat with a coded name, pictures of a woman you don’t know. A woman who isn’t your mother that your father messages, saves pictures of.

You were young when you found out, much younger than you are now, and although deep down, you knew, you’ve always known your father was a man who could not be trusted, a man who had straying eyes, long trips with women he called friends, you were hurt. Betrayed. Because you always thought that things like this only happened on TV, in books, to friends and classmates.

But not you.

And yet, here you are, in bed with a man who hides his phone, disappears for long periods of times, and has a history you don’t even know where to begin to look into. A man who acts so much like the ones before, only sweeter, gentler, but still suspicious.

And you’ve been hurt by men like him before and you don’t know if you can take another blow. Not from someone like Sam.

So, you push away the memory and say, “Just you and,” And you hesitate for a second, find the courage somewhere deep inside you to ask, to finally ask, “And it’s just me, right?”

“You scared me for a second,” Sam lets out a breath you didn’t know he was holding and you realize that you had paused at the wrong word, the double meaning. You offer him a small smile, an apology. “Yes, it’s just you.” He confirms and you feel yourself relax, only away now of how tense you were.

“Good,” you say, looking back up at your ceiling. “That’s good. I, uh, I wasn’t sure.”

“This has been bothering you?” Sam gets off of you and you instinctively cover yourself with a pillow as Sam has your blanket thrown over his waist. You never thought you’d have this conversation with him. You never thought you’d get to ask one of your questions and actually get an answer. You wish that you had clothes on for this.

“A bit,” you say. “I know we aren’t, well, a thing, but when I saw you with your sister-in-law and when I didn’t know she was your sister-in-law, I have to say, I panicked.”

“You thought I was cheating on you?” Sam lets out a chuckle like the thought of it is absurd but he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what went through your mind that day in the café.

“I thought you were cheating on her. I’m not really a fan of being the other woman.”

Sam winces and you can see that there’s something he wants to ask but doesn’t know if he should. Huh. You wonder if you’re that easy to read.

“From experience,” you end up saying anyway, just because you know how it feels to have your questions answered. “It would be nice, I think, if we’re clear on some things. Be on the same page, you know?”

“I’m not looking for a girlfriend.” Sam looks at you straight in the eye, like this is important, that if you don’t get this then that’s that. And you do get it because for all the things you don’t know about Sam, you can at least say you knew this.

“I know. I can’t say I’d be a good one anyway.” You know you can’t base your worth on past relationships but sometimes you can’t help but think that there was something you lacked, that you came up short somewhere, that made the relationships turn sour. Psychopaths and unfaithful husbands aside. “But we aren’t exactly a one-night stand anymore.”

Sam rubs the back of his neck and the action causes you to look at his tattoos, the familiar sight of birds in flight. Tim had mentioned them that day in the café, said something about prison tattoos, and you’d just rolled your eyes at him. But then you think about the scars and gunshot wounds and you can’t exactly say that Sam lives a normal, danger-free life.

“So, what do you want, princess?” Sam asks, reaching down to pick up his shirt. It seems like his clothes weren’t flung too far from the bed. You can see your pants by your bedroom door. “Cuz I don’t know what I can give ya.”

“Well,” you play with the ends of your pillow case just so you have something to do with your hands. There are so many things you want. Answers, for one thing. That’s number one. But Sam looks tired and you sort of feel guilty for springing this on him. Because, again, this isn’t a normal relationship. He doesn’t owe you anything and if you ask for more than he can give, well, this just isn’t going to work.

And you want this to work. You can’t deny yourself that truth. You want whatever it is Sam can give you. So, you say, “It wouldn’t hurt if you’d give me a heads up before you leave for God knows where. It’s not fun thinking you’ve gotten tired of me and just disappeared off of the face of the earth.”

Sam lets out a breath you don’t think he realized he was holding. “A call, I can do that.”

“You can even just text me. Email. I don’t have a pager but if that’s how you work…”

“I’m not that old, princess,” Sam rolls his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. “I’ll call you. I promise.”

And it’s the word “promise” that sticks to you, that repeats itself over and over in your head, that brings a smile to your face.

 ...

It’s the same old song and dance and you swear you’d give up your left kidney for the tune to change, for the choreography to switch up, because Tim’s on your case again and you’re getting really close to filing a request that you two don’t share the next few shifts together.

(But then Agatha would be questioning you as well and you’re sure that half the questions Tim asks are echoes of Agatha’s and she’s honestly the harder of the two to deal with. So, damnit, you’re going to have to suck it up. Deal with the kid.)

“Is this really the kind of relationship you want to have?” Tim asks, leaning against his broom for support. The café’s closed for the day and the two of you are in charge of cleaning and inventory. Agatha’s in the back, balancing the day’s earnings. 

“This again, Tim?” You glare at the stain on the table your wiping, spraying it once more before scrubbing the surface harder. You’re not going to lie, you’re picturing Tim’s face, attacking your imagination instead of the person. Even if it’s tempting, oh so tempting.

“It’s just weird that he just goes off unannounced and doesn’t come back for weeks.”

“Ever heard of a business trip?” The table is shaking from your force, the surface almost like a mirror from how shiny it’s getting.

Tim scoffs. “I’ve seen your boyfriend—”

“Not my boyfriend.”

“—And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a nine to five office job.” Tim goes back to sweeping even though the floor is clean. He really should get the mop but he hates handling it. “Also, daddy kink? Didn’t think you were the type.”

“Oh my God. It’s not like that!” You groan, throwing your dirty rag at him. Tim yelps when it hits him on the back. Honestly, he should have seen it coming. “And we’ve talked, okay? Ages ago. He doesn’t leave without warning anymore.”

“The bar is really low.”

“Shut up, Tim.” Your phone is ringing, saving you from this conversation and punching your co-worker in the face. “Hello?” You say once you answer your phone, smiling. It’s Sam.

“Hi, princess,” Sam grunts out and you frown at his tone.

“Hi, uh, are you okay?”

Tim is looking at you now, blatantly listening in, and you turn your back to him, facing the painting on the wall. You never really understood this piece, but Agatha likes it.

“Yeah. I’m great! Just—wait a second.” You hear Sam suck in a breath and all of a sudden there’re gunshots. You jump in surprise, shoulders rising, tense, and you have to pull your phone away from your ear from the sheer volume of it. “Okay. I’m back.”

“Sam. Please tell me you’re playing a video game.”

“Huh? Yeah, sure, if that makes you feel better. Wait.” You hear the crunch of gravel, quick and quiet footsteps, and then the sound of surprise before a crack and thud. “Sorry. Anyway, so I have a problem.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask what it is.”

“It’s nothing bad. I promise,” his voice is quiet now. Like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear him. “Y’see. I told you about my job, right?”

“I mean, all you said was you were going to…I want to say Japan. You were in India last time.”

“Yeah! Beautiful country, by the way. We should go next time.” Sam says in one breath and you feel your heart skip a beat. A trip? With Sam? “If I don’t get banned from the place. Which would be a shame, really, cuz the food’s great—hang on.”

There’re gunshots again and then running. You don’t realize that you’re outside the café until a strong wind blows by. You had walked out the door when it seemed like this wasn’t going to be a normal check in. Which was almost immediately, to be frank. From the corner of your eye, you see Tim watching you, broom still in his hands, the rag on the floor by his feet. You wave him off, turning your attention back to Sam. You hear him shout “This is a goddamn temple! Show some respect!” before he gets back to you.

“Where was I?”

“What the hell is going on, Sam?”

“Nothing to worry about, princess. What there is to worry about is my fish.” Sam’s whispering again, ragged. He’s catching his breath. “Y’see. I told you where I was going but I forgot to tell my little brother and, well, someone has to feed my fish.”

“Oh.” You ignore the crunch and thud you hear from Sam’s line. You’re too busy thinking about this fish you’ve never heard of. There’s so much information to unpack right now but the fish is what you zero in on. It’s the only thing that makes sense. “Oh shit.”

“Oh shit’s right. I can’t believe I forgot Jimmy like that.”

Jimmy? “Can, can a fish live this long without food?”

“Now, princess, that’s not the kind of talk I need to hear right now.” There are sounds of movement again. Rustling now, too. Like leaves. “I need you to tell me that Jimmy’s going to be fine. That I did not just leave my fish to die alone.”

“I’ll go to him. Just, uh, I don’t have your key.” You know where he lives, you’ve been there a few times when all of this started, pre-Jimmy, but Sam was always there. You never needed to go there alone and you were never left there alone.

“You have one. I left my spare in your room. Y’know, for emergencies.”

“Were you ever going to tell me that?”

“Didn’t think I had to. It’s in plain sight, princess.” He grunts out. “Listen, I have to go, but check your dresser. It should be there. Save Jimmy!!”

  Jimmy is, thankfully, miraculously, fine. His tank needs a little cleaning but you’ve fed him and made sure that there’s enough water for him to swim around in. The top of his castle was starting to peak out. When that’s all done, you send a picture to Sam. You don’t think he’ll see it anytime soon so you toss your phone away and collapse onto his couch.

You’re tired. Apparently getting Sam’s spare key wasn’t as easy as you thought because after sprinting to the bus stop and up the stairs to your apartment, stumbling into your bedroom, you did not find a key at your dresser. No.

After messing up what was once an organized table, you find a note that was clearly written by Sam stuck on your corkboard along with all your other notes written for yourself. Reminders that you needed to go through before the start of your day. Things you’ve long since memorized and never bother to read anymore. That’s Sam’s idea of an “in plain sight” note. Which is also a clue, a riddle that led you to another part of your room, then to your kitchen, underneath your couch, and then to your bedside table, the side he sleeps on. There you find the key taped under a laminated flower. It was the one you had with you when you’d first met Sam. And if Sam recognized it, and you’re pretty sure he did, well you’re glad he wasn’t around for you to find it.

Your phone rings, jolting you out of your daze. You almost fell asleep, the adrenaline gone. You reach for it, refusing to leave your spot, and manage to answer it before the caller hung up. To your surprise, it’s Sam.

“Finally figured out video call?” You say once his face appears on your screen. His holding his phone a little too close but you don’t correct him, finding it cute.

“And you found the key!” Sam says back. “Thanks for saving Jimmy, princess.”

“I read somewhere that goldfish can actually go two weeks without food.”

“Doesn’t mean he has to. C’mon. That’s my roommate.”

“I’m just saying,” You smile because even you wouldn’t want to leave a fish hungry. “Oh. Also. You and I have completely different interpretations of ‘for emergencies.’”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“If I left you something for emergencies, I’d like to think you’d be able to get to it immediately.” You whip the smile of your face. Exchange it with a raised brow, an unamused gaze. “Making me hunt for clues all over my apartment isn’t something I’d like to do in emergency situations.”

Sam lets out a laugh. “Ah. Well, I guess I picked up a few things from work.”

“It would have bitten you in the ass if I didn’t find that key.”

“I had faith in you, princess.”

...

Chapter 4 

Read on AO3

[all-the-names-are-taken-aaaaa]

Gabriel not targeting Marinette for Good Reason AU

Gabriel was seething with anger as he replayed the video. "You mean to tell me Adrian never said anything because he was afraid I would pull him out of class?"

Nathalie sat down looking more tired then anyone had ever seen her. "It appears Miss Rossi also blackmailed him using your name. Since she had your favor she believed she could separate him from his friends with just a few words or at least had him believe that."

Gabriel tried to keep his breathing calm. "How much damage are we aware of?" Maybe he could at salvage a friendly work relationship with her.

Nathalie looked ready to tear out her hair in frustration. "Enough to make her leave Paris."

"WHAT" Gabriel slammed his hands down. How could that insolent little brat! Something had to be done soon.

"She is friends with Adrian still. Him finding out she was leaving is what caused the break down. Her and Chloe are leaving in two weeks. He doesn't know exactly were they are going though. And as far as specifics other than that video it would be easier to look at this folder." Nathalie hands him a folder full of things Adrian and Marinette had gathered as proof not that anyone seemed to listen.

"Contact Miss Rossi's mother. I do not care if you have to go to her work. She will be thinkfull we are warning her about the possible lawsuits. I'll personally fire her. And offer my lawyer to Miss Dupain-Cheng." Gabriel knows there is little chance of recovering from this without his company taking some sort of hit. Hell it could possibly go under if people decided it was his fault the girl was full of herself. He had warned Miss Rossi to be nice to her no matter were they interacted.

"Yes sir" Nathalie stood. Based off what Adrian said Lila had made sure it was near impossible to contact her mother. The easiest was would be to go to were she supposedly worked and hope Lila had told the truth about that.

"I am looking for Miss Rossi. It's an urgent. It's about her doughter" the girl sitting on the counter looked up wide eyed.

"Oh god" she muttered rushing out of the room. She returned quickly with a woman looking sickly pale.

"Is my doughter okay? Was it an akuma?" The woman- Miss Rossi asks franticly.

"Mama your daughter is physically fine but she has gotten herself and possibly you in a lot of trouble. Please take a look at these. There is a few videos as well." Nathalie explained letting the woman veiw the folder. The horror on Miss Rossi's face was clear.

"Are you from the school? One of the Celebrities?" Miss Rossi asks. Still looking through the folder.

"Miss? I am Nathalie Sancoeur. I am the assistant for Gabriel Agrest. You should have my number from when you signed the papers for Lila to model." Nathalie began to panic as she saw Miss Rossi's reaction.

"I never signed papers for that. She told me she and the rest of her class modeled on a field trip to the Agrest house..." Miss Rossi looked paler if that was even possible.

"No. She has been working for the Agrest brand for almost a year. There was never a field trip and even of there was we would have to have everyone's parents sign work permissions since they are minors. I'll have someone retrieve the papers so you may look at them" Nathalie explains pulling out her phone and sending a text.

"May I ask a few questions? What is this about travels?" Miss Rossi's horror turned to anger and disappointed slowly as things snowballed from there.

"Nathalie is everything okay? I am almost at the school." Gabriel had calmed. Still angry but calm ish.

"It appears Lila forged her mother's signature on all the paperwork for us. And lied about school. A lot. We will meet you at the school." Nathalie says.

"Yes please do" Gabriel had to take a moment to calm himself. This was not going to end well.

Gabriel stands in the court yard. Classes that had been let out a few minutes early stop and stare. As classes let out more people loitered. Interested why the famous man who was rarely seen was in their court yard.

"Dude your dad is here" Nino whispers to Adrian. Nino pats him on the back as they leave room. Marinette close behind them. The rest stay to hear Lila's latest story. Marinette and Nino wait with the rest of the kids in the courtyard.

"Father?" Adrian asks once he is closer.

"We are waiting on Miss Rossi and Miss Dupain-Cheng." Gabriel states. As Adrian moves to stand beside him. Marinette with Nino moves closer to the inner edge of the crowd but no closer. Gabriel spots her but says nothing

Lila leads her class too the courtyard. She gets excited upon seeing Gabriel believing she could play up her fame. She walks over "Mr. Agrest" she says politely "Do we have a photo shoot?" pointing to Adrian.

"No Lila. You will never have a photo shoot again. You will be lucky if you allowed to be near my son ever again" Gabriel says guiding Adrian behind him. Everyone becomes quiet with the exception of Alya who attempts to storm up there to defend her bestie but is stopped by Nino. Instead she livestreams believing her best friend's celebrity contacts will defend her.

"Lila Rossi you had a responsibility as one of my lead models. You knew the rules and chose to ignore them. Now I find out you forged you mothers signature. You could and probably will face many many definition lawsuits. Not to mention you threatened my son. You blackmailed my son. Your behavior towards my son is sexual hurassment. Do you understand that? Do you realize you took away a huge opportunity for yourself and the company by attacking her? And to post it. We found out because you posted it. Did you think we would not investigate? Did you not think we would contact your mother? Did you think your mother would cover for you? Did you think there would be no consiquences? Did you think you could lie your way out of this?" Gabriel fumed. Lila pales as she sees her mother enter the court yard. Thousands of people tuned in to the live stream. Miss Bustier and the principal come out ready to try and calm the situation only to be stoped by an angry woman.

"Why did you not contact me? You are responsible for Lila while she is here. How did she miss this much school without a single person contacting me. Falsely getting A student explained? A condition that makes her lie? Why didn't you fact check everything? How incompetent are you? How many students did she threaten? How much of this sort of thing is allowed at this school?" Miss Rossi goes off. "No! You contact that poor girl's parents so you can explain to them too. While you are doing that I'm calling Bridgette Chang(known member of the school board)."

"Anyone who has been threatened by Lila Rossi please come forward"Gabrial says. About ten students come forward. "We will be taking this too your office contact all of their parents" he says looking at Damocles.

Some of the students had to leave for after school activities but the parents were contacted.

During the meeting Lila became so enraged that she tried to attack Marinette for revealing her lies. Gabriel grabs her by the back of her shirt and pulls enough for her to fall back into her chair. "Miss Dupain-Cheng. I would like to offer my apologies I had no clue of Miss Rossi's behavior. May I offer you my lawyers?"

"Oh that won't be necessary. The Wayne lawyers are particularly suited to handle her and the tabloid writer" A young man states as he enters the room. "Damian!" Marinette yells running up too hug him "Angel" he says quietly hugging back.

"Is there anything I could do? I do not wish for conflict with your rising business?" Gabriel states. If possible more color drains from Lila's face at the realization Gabriel was serous about being as nice as possible to Marinette. "We are going on tour with Jagged and getting personal tutors. Could Adrian come with us? It would be a great learning experience and it would improve his social skills and your brands audience." Marinette asks.

Gabriel nods "I am sure we can arrange something." The entire room is shocked by today's events.

An investigation is launched on the school. The principal and Miss Bustier are fired. Alya has to give up the Ladyblog and do community service. Lila has to pay a lot of fines, do community service and is transferred to a school for troubled teens. Everything is on her permanent records tho. Those that cheared Lila on as Alya had her rip apart the sketchbook were grounded and forced by their parents to pay for the destroyed designs.

Luka, Kagami, Adrian, Chloe, Marinette, and Damian spent the next year traveling with Jagged. Paris sets up an alert system to contact the hero's. Each hero has a bracelet that buzzes if there is an akuma. Luka performing with him. Luka also has kaalki. Kagami teaching fencing in random schools close to were they were staying and improving her social skills. Adrian and Chloe model Marinette's designs as well as Agrest designs. Adrian practices social skills and takes acting classes with Chloe. Marinette expands the MDC brand. Damian proposes on stage after Jagged convinces Marinette to sing. That video went viral.

Hawkmoth winds up in a fight were Chat yells "why are you doing this" about a month into the tour. Once it is explained that it's for his wife. Marinette/ladybug reviels there is a way to heal her without killing someone else with a wish thanks to guardian powers. So Emilie Agrest stars in a movie with her son and Chloe two years later.

[codenamesazanka]

Hello, I hope you are well. For the unpopular opinion ask: Shouto Todoroki is not a well-written character. (But pls let's not fight!! I come in peace). Thank you and hope you have a great day.

Heya! And wow, starting off strong! 👌🏼

Hmm, I disagree - Shouto is a well-written character... Just sometimes underutilized, and unfortunately boring - to me. imo. He's just not my type of fav.

Shouto has a solid backstory, goes through tremendous character development, and forms one of the backbones of the story via the examination of his relationship with his father the Pro-Hero and conflict with his older brother Touya/Dabi. He's got goals, strengths and weaknesses and flaws, and he's got ongoing internal conflicts that merges well with his external conflicts. His interactions with his family and classmates gives plenty of meaty material, and he's also actively doing things that affect the plot.

Design wise, he's distinguishable, easily-identifiable, and cute. He's got super strong superpower(s) that allows him very versatile tactics or victory through pure strength and force. His appearance ties into his backstory, from the hair to the scar to the ice and fire, which is good visual storytelling.

That checks off a lot of the 'criteria' for well-written character! A checklist isn't the end all be all, of course, and so his character succeeds by becoming more than just that. He's a character to watch and take interest in - a reader must take interest in. Plenty of people find him a very interesting character and his circumstances compelling; they relate to him and his struggles, and it's fun to watch him turn from an aloof, angry student to a kind, helpful Hero of his own imagining.

He's a perfectly good character in the story of My Hero Academia. I personally just find him utterly boring.

I've been spoiled on his character-type 'processors': Gaara, the kid who was also born to be an ultimate weapon, isolated and trained, and suffers for it; and Zuko, the fire kid with a scar on his eye who also has major family drama. They were intense, they inspired in me much more emotions, I felt their choices had much bigger impact and repercussions and ripples that intrigued me; so comparatively, Shouto just didn't measure up.

Part of it is the writing around him - not the writing about him, but around him - the world and his role in it. Compared to Gaara - ninja-world equivalent of a Weapon of Mass Destruction and child of the leader of a major world power; and Zuko - Prince and Heir to the Main Villain Empire and trying to catch the one Hero that threatens their global conquest; Shouto is just any other good kid going to school, learning to be a Hero, not able to make major changes that really affects stuff. He can't, because he's 16-years-old in a modern-ish society that limits the power and responsibilities of children, and he's a good kid who isn't gonna jeopardize his chances of success. He does what he can, his interactions with the people around him are significant - though mostly on an individual level; and the Todoroki Family Saga has only started, so he always had potential to really change things - just not yet. He really makes sense for the character he's supposed to be, and that's a good thing! Just not my thing.

I guess you can say the fact that he hasn't gone rogue or really rock the boat is bad writing; but I think that's more of an opinion about what you want out of the story and character. For a lot of people in the fandom, his emotional and interpersonal journey fulfills their story satisfaction.

Which is why for what I want for the story, I think Shouto and his character and storyline shines best when he's interacting with his family - Endeavor, Rei, his siblings, Dabi. The Todoroki family conflict is connected closely into the worldbuilding, the themes of Heroism and responsibilities and atonement/redemption and conceptualization of power in the HeroAca world, and the overall story question of whether or not society will be destroyed. His decision to continue interacting with Endeavor, his thoughts and feelings on redemption/atonement, what he thinks he's obligated to do as son and brother, how that will affect what he thinks Heroism is - All that is real good. And the Todoroki family story is best when everyone plays a part (yes, even Endeavor) in a sort of ensemble cast, so it's not particularly Shouto that I'm interested in in this case either.

One can probably make the argument that the changes he goes through at school affects this, which is true; but I think Shouto could've had his epiphany with a total stranger or even off-screen and that wouldn't change how the rest of it plays out.

(God I hate that Sport Festival "Talk-No-Jutsu". I didn't get it and wasn't convinced back then, I still don't get it and am not convinced now. But that's also more with my issues with Deku.)

I'm very tepid on Shouto also because I love my angry, fucked-up kids, love my terrible, no-good-doing characters (Gaara straight up killed people, Zuko being the imperialist soldier he was). Shouto was angry and aloof at the beginning, but he was still an observably polite, good kid: no hurting other people, getting good grades, etc. He would've appealed to me more if he was burning and frostbiting kids left and right, if he was cruel and arrogant, if he was unpleasant and a bully. If what he did left big consequences, if some of his actions were unjustifiable, if his epiphany and 'change for the better' arc was much harder and tougher.

That would've made him a more polarizing character, but I would've been much more interested in how he'll develop in the long run and he affected the world around him.

(Ironically, that means I would've liked him if Shouto acted more like Touya/Dabi. Which seems paradoxical, except I do like Touya/Dabi - that is, canon!Touya/Dabi, the one who is fantasy racist and sexist and ageist, is sadistic and out to really hurt people. We need more of this Very Unpleasant Dabi. Not because I wanna hate him, but because that's also more interesting to me than the usual conceptualization of him as a tragic Loving Big Bro whose flaws can be completely blamed on Endeavor.

Basically: 'unforgivable' characters with big, unjustifiable actions and no excuses -> my great attention.)

Sorry this got super long! Thanks for Reading! And thank you very much for the ask! I hope you have a great day as well!!!!

[dreamties]

Slashers W/ a Punk S/O

T/W- q*eer is used a few times- in a positive, self affirming kind of way. But I can add other trigger warnings if needed. :)

A/n- Literally no one asked for this, but I wanted to make more HCs like the soft pastel one...so I just went wild and made them. 

I included a little bit of punk culture into this as well, because it’s not just about the fashion, but since there’s such a vast variety within punk culture I mostly stuck with my experiences in the community, and some bits and pieces from documentaries(mostly live footage from “The Decline of Western Civilization”).

Characters: Billy/Stu, The Lost Boys, Norman Bates, Michael Myers

Will make one(s) for Brahms, Amanda, Helen or Daniel if asked

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

so early 90s, the Riot Grrrl movement emerges

bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, Heavens to Betsy or Sleater-Kinney

it’s a very female-powered oriented movement, but I notice that a lot of minorities tend to be drawn to this music and community (LGBT folks, people of color, etc).

both boys, and yourself, being outside of the norm and all (polyamorous relationship, gay/bi) are sort of drawn to it!

and sure there’s a lot of really great queercore/homocore bands, and there’s probably a good LGBT+ punk scene out there somewhere, but in a little town like Woodsboro? Hell no. Sticking with this fem punk movement, while again mostly a space for women in music- it’s the most accepted the three of you have felt outside of you’re relationship. 

you’ve always been pretty into the music, stuff like Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, or the short-lived Germs- but it wasn’t until you stumbled upon Riot Grrrl that you really got into it. 

the music, making zines about local-ish political issues(probably not so much Woodsboro stuff, more Cali in general and neighboring towns) and a few ones with queer themes and hand-drawn illustrations of your partners, and DIYing all your clothes

since you’re so experienced with DIYing your clothes and sewing on patches, you’ve helped repair the Ghostface costumes on numerous occasions. they kind of adore this(Stu is the only one that will- and does, frequently- admit that)

Let’s face it, the three of you do everything together- but you especially enjoy when Stu tags along for thrift dates. 

he’s the more fashionable one, and he makes the whole experience more enjoyable- cracking jokes and just being his all-around goofy self.

Woodsboro is a very little town, so they don’t have much...but they do have a few small stores- usually you’ll make a whole day/date out of it though. driving to the next town or so over, since they have more stores and a better selection, and spending hours looking for cheap, old t-shirts, belts, clothes with funky patterns. heading out for pizza after.

Billy’s more likely to get into the music and everything with you(he’s kinda,, angsty, no offense to him)- will definitely go to shows with you.

just- imagine Billy in ripped jeans. and he’d have like one or two patches sewn on to it- one of them is your all time favorite band, and the other is a band that he found on his own time, and actually really enjoyed.

Stu is dragged along with you guys, you can’t just leave him at home- he’s gonna feel left out and sad. :(

He’s mostly there to keep y’all company- he really likes the energy of the shows though!

the two of them are such a chaotic duo though, so much so that you have definitely been kicked out or banned from a few venues. all for varying reasons. good grief these men can not be tamed.

The Lost Boys

as we all know, these vampires are total punks. so they’re gonna appreciate having a s/o who’s also into that whole scene.

How you meet:

you’re a baby punk, and it’s your first show ever, and you look so nervous. you’re dressed up in pretty plain clothes, a single homemade patch for your favorite band barely hanging to your jacket side(you were mid-way sewing it, when you realized you were gonna be late if you didn’t leave asap).

it’s a few local bands, ones you’d never really heard of really. you look anxious. but when they start playing? you look so unapologetically yourself, you’re so in the moment dancing- it’s completely mesmerizing to the boys. the music isn’t even that good, but you seem to be having the time of your life.

they greet you after the show, and you’re a tiny bit flustered- cause gosh, heck, they saw you. dancing. so embarrassing. 

David is the one that introduces himself and the group, and initiates conversation. Dwayne’s a pretty quiet guy, so he just listens to what you have to say. 

Marko’s pretty excited about you, and initiates in some small conversation, he may have complimented your little patch(Marko- patch jacket KING, complimenting your jacket?? more likely than you’d think) 

and oh, oh- Paul is out there being a total chatty-cathy, and is absolutely bombarding you with questions. like, okay, Paul is pretty talkative, but the other vamps are a little worried that he’s scared you off. and you had seemed so cool :(

you end up pretty engaged in your convo with Paul though, even if all the attention is overwhelming. He ends up snagging a date for the five of you the following week.

once you start hanging out/dating:

y’all just hit it off so well those first few days. they all love how sweet & shy you are- but also how much of a badass punk babe you are.

Marko helps make your patch jacket(collecting ones for bands you enjoy, how to make your own, sewing them on, etc). you probably could have done it w/out his help, but my gosh- you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity. Marko gets really soft around you sometimes, since he doesn’t really do this activity with anyone else, it’s saved for you. 🥺🥺

Dwayne likes listening to you talking about the local scene(outside of the shows you go to- mostly about stuff he can’t attend, protests and meetings during the daylight.)

all of them(especially David) are very protective of you. I mean, generally. but also when you go to shows. they let you do whatever the heck you’re gonna do, but the mere second that someone even thinks about starting shit w/ you?? well, y’know. those vampire instincts kick in.

the four of them obviously share a lot of similar tastes in music- but they all have different favorite bands, & fave parts of the community. which, they can’t even fully participate in,, but it’s okay.

they, individually, introduce their favorite bands to you. and they get it in their head that oh, they said they liked it. they must like it as much as I do. and awkwardly coming out to the four of them, as they argue about your favorite band, “Well, actually- this *insert band they’ve never heard of or barely listen to* is my favorite.” and their just kinda like, oh, okay. please tell us more about them. 

so it’s sorta like,, you’ve been learning all this cool knowledge from them, now you get to share cool knowledge with them.

idk. I think it’s cute. 💕

Norman Bates

so first off- let’s just pretend Psycho was in at least the 70s/80s for a moment. because realistically- the punk subculture didn’t really exist back then.

baby boy is absolutely fascinated by the way you dress (mother is less thrilled though)

imagine your jacket is getting a bit weathered, and needs some repairs- so he helps you to sew edges closed, and make sure the patches aren’t on too loose, etc

he enjoys hearing your stories of all the past shows you’ve gone to. you always get so excited about them, and he finds that so endearing. But he pretty much leaves the actual punk scene to you because of these stories.

he was already worried from the stories, and made sure you were well prepared for any trouble every time you left for a show.

but one time, you were able to get him to join you. never again though. he was so nervous!

the music was too loud! and he could hardly understand what they were saying- it was so confusing!

you stayed with him most of the night, standing near the back, holding his hand. he’d gently bob his head to the music occasionally. 

but you accidentally found yourself swept into the crowd, but you looked so blissed-out in the moment, that he figured it would be okay for you to dance* over there for a little bit...right?  

*Norman is still unsure if you’d even call that dancing.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened in the mosh pit.

you gotta give him lots of attention and reassurance afterwards though- you almost scared Norman half to death D:

He’s happy enough helping you out and listening to you though- and that’s okay for you, too. you still love each other lots, even if this particular interest doesn’t overlap.

Michael Myers

he thinks you’re outfits are pretty interesting. 

he’s a little worried at first, when you start experimenting with putting things like safety pins in your ears. cause like- that’s not supposed to be in your ear, Y/n, what the fuck

if you make zines at all, Michael really enjoys watching you make the illustrations for them(not that he’ll admit to it though), and helps to find newspaper and magazine clippings to incorporate into the spreads.

you always show michael the final booklet before distributing it

he doesn’t talk a lot, so he doesn’t ask questions- but he often does the little head tilt once you give it to him. since he’s not very privy to current events, and a lot of your zines are political, you spend a lot of time explaining them in depth.

he has no use for any of this knowledge, but he listens on, intently.

Important note:

dear god do not bring this man to concerts and local shows with you.

it is a nightmare, to say the least

Michael is sort of,, emotionless sometimes, doesn’t really care for people at all, and if he does? definitely not in the same way most people do. 

so imagine combining that part of michael, the fact that he’s also a giant stabby man, with super loud, energetic- almost aggressive- sounding music and a bunch of strangers that aren’t respecting any personal boundaries. 

you need to keep him at the back of the venue- lest your local scene may go missing.

[starpunchsoup]

I'd Do Absolutely Anything For You - Chapter Six

(aka the ‘Kurt has EDS-verse.’)

Summary: Kurt Hummel has ehlers-danlos syndrome, a genetic condition that makes his joints very flexible, but also incredibly prone to dislocating. Blaine, upon realizing how chronic Kurt’s condition is, learns how to help put Kurt physically back together, while Kurt has to navigate putting himself mentally back together. (Set in modern-ish time. Yay technology and science, boo covid.)

Chapter Six: Mostly Group Chat Shenanigans

Read under the cut below, or read the full story on AO3!

The week between Christmas and New Year’s was always strange; but for Kurt especially, it was his least favorite time of the year. He was more tired than usual, reclusive even. Kurt spent most of the week wrapped up in the maroon electric blanket Blaine insisted on giving him for Christmas, watching hours and hours of Say Yes To The Dress on his phone. Blaine and his parents had flown to Los Angeles to spend time with his brother, so Kurt was assuming that Blaine was about as miserable as he was. Kurt didn’t know much about Blaine’s brother, other than they weren’t very close.

Kurt closes his eyes as he tries to swallow his own bitter feelings. It’s unfair of you to be mad at Blaine for having a strained relationship with his brother. You can’t be upset that he is unhappy visiting family, simply because you are unhappy that you cannot visit your own. Kurt reminds himself.

Kurt hears a gentle knock at his door, and Kurt pauses his show. “Come in.”

Carole slowly opens the door and makes her way inside Kurt’s bedroom. “Hey, Kurt. How are you feeling?” She asks, closing the door behind her and walking over to sit next to Kurt on his bed.

“Physically? I’m actually doing sort of okay. Emotionally? Not super phenomenal, but we’re getting through it, I suppose.” Kurt says with a shrug.

“Yeah, that’s about what I thought you’d say.” Carole says with a sad smile, and she gently brushes away a few hairs on Kurt’s forehead. “It doesn’t go away, but it gets easier over time.”

“I know. And it has, in some ways. Anniversaries just suck.” Kurt winces dramatically, earning a small chuckle from Carole.

“Yeah. Yeah they do.” Carole spaces out for half a second, and Kurt decides not to snap her out of it. He knows that faraway look, he’s had that look on his face since he was eight. “Well. I just wanted to double check. Everyone is cold and sad, so I’m making some potato soup for dinner if you’re hungry. I bought the good bread for dipping.”

“You’re my hero.” Kurt smiles, reaching out to grab Carole’s hand. “Thank you.”

Carole squeezes Kurt’s hand before she lets go. “Anytime.” She stands up, and quietly leaves Kurt’s bedroom.

***

On day four of Kurt’s grief-fueled shutdown, Santana has had enough.

From: Lima Heights Adjacent

(2:56 P.M.)

>ok losers. who’s volunteering to throw a nye party. princess hummel is having a meltdown and if i dont see his lil smiley face in the next four days, i am actually going to fistfight god.

From: Ryan Seacrest Tramp Stamp

(3:01 P.M.)

>Fighting God is not possible, nor is it smart. You couldn’t even fight Zizes, The Big Man would crush you.

>Also, that sounds like so much fun! I can’t host though, any volunteers?

From: We make culture 💖

(3:03 P.M.)

>Santana. You are aware as to why Kurt is upset, right?

Kurt rolls his eyes, but smiles at Mercedes’s protectiveness.

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(3:05 P.M.)

>i’m all good cedes. a party sounds fun! i don’t think i can host tho, pretty sure carole has to work early on NYD

From: Tina Cohen Queen

(3:06 P.M.)

>i can host!! my parents are partying with one of my mom’s college friends in columbus, so bc it’s so far she said they’d be spending the night there. party at the cohen-chang residence!!!

From: RIP My Faggy Lamp </3

(3:07 P.M.)

>wow santana. it’s sweet you care about kurt so much 👀

From: Lima Heights Adjacent

(3:09 P.M.)

>shut it manboobs. puck, u got booze?

From: Puckasaurus

(3:15 P.M.)

>with this much time i could get us a distillery. shld i bring anything…special?

From: Lima Heights Adjacent

(3:18 P.M.)

>tbh those cupcakes you made our sophomore year were good as fuck. if u wanna make some…more potent ones, i think thats ok 👀

From: Ryan Seacrest Tramp Stamp

(3:20 P.M.)

>Oh no.

From: Puckasaurus

(3:20 P.M.)

>SAY LESS

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(3:21 P.M.)

>tana. i hope you know what you’ve done

From: RIP My Faggy Lamp </3

(3:23 P.M.)

>this is puck in his element. reeling puck back in is mine. i’ll make sure he doesnt go too overboard

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(3:24 P.M.)

>oh ya you were so good at reeling puck in that one time that he broke your PS4 by knocking it off the shelf when you dared him to do a backflip off of ur bed

From: Twinkle Toes

(3:25 P.M.)

>Yikes! Do not envy that.

From: Samothy

(3:27 P.M.)

>lmfaoooooo that lowkey was funny as hell. also, count me in for this party. i know it’s just bc we’re on winter break but. i miss u guys

From: We make culture 💖

(3:29 P.M.)

>if anyone throws up i’m not babysitting. miss jones wants a night off from being the responsible one

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(3:31 P.M.)

>so valid kween 💖

From: Rachel Barbra Brice ⭐

(4:02 P.M.)

>Hey! When did I stop being the responsible one? :(

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(4:04 P.M.)

>since the last time u got drunk and made out w my boyfriend and then tried to steal him away from me bc he’s hot and talented

>yes i’m gonna die mad about that

From: Twinkle Toes:

(4:04 P.M.)

>As you should. It was funny at first, but it got really weird, really fast. Yikes.

From: Don’t Call Me Arthur

(4:04 P.M.)

>mike ur so correct king. shit was whack yo

From: Brittany Not Spears

(4:05 P.M.)

>idk i thought it was kinda hot

From: Rachel Barbra Brice ⭐

(4:07 P.M.)

>He wasn’t your boyfriend yet! :(

From: Blainey Babey <3

(4:11 P.M.)

>i’m gone for a family thing for TWO HOURS and yall blow up my phone like this. wtf i hate it here

>also the kiss w rachel wasnt bad by any means but being kiss-ambushed while waiting for coffee is not high on my list of favorite experiences

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(4:13 P.M.)

>when are u getting back from family obligations hot stuff

>AKA can you join us for new years shenanigans

>AKA do i have to fight rachel off w a stick during this party as well

>at least we’re actually dating now so i can throw a tantrum if i need to 😈

From: Blainey Babey <3

(4:15 P.M.)

>ma says my flight should land about 2ish on nye. so i can make it, but i’m gonna be jetlagged to shit lmao

From: RIP My Faggy Lamp </3

(4:18 P.M.)

>...you guys do remember that she’s not exactly single right now either, right

>i may have to fight gelmet off with a stick to get him off my girl smh

From: Rachel Barbra Brice ⭐

(4:22 P.M.)

>You wouldn’t be upset if I still wanted to duet with Blaine though, right?

To: The Brady Bunches Of Oats

(4:22 P.M.)

>are you asking for my permission or your boyfriends

From: Don’t Call Me Arthur

(4:23 P.M.)

>yes yes everyone wants to kiss blaine. can yall take the familial issues out of the living room

>i hate it when mom + dad fight

***

The day before Tina’s New Years Eve party, Kurt tells himself that he absolutely cannot avoid asking his dad about it any longer. After a few seconds of deep breathing outside Burt and Carole’s room, Kurt knocks on the door.

“What’s up?” Kurt hears his dad call from inside the room, which was code for ‘come in.’

Kurt opens the door and steps into the room. Kurt’s dad is laying on his bed, reading a book - which was pretty normal whenever he wasn’t at work.

“Hey! I just wanted to talk to you about New Year’s.” Kurt says outright, knowing that beating around the bush is rarely a smart tactic with his dad.

Burt glances up from his book to look at Kurt, and he sets the book down on the bed next to him. “Okay, what’s the plan for New Years?”

“Tina offered to host a New Year’s Eve party. I said I couldn’t host because Carole works early on the first of the year, but Tina’s parents are visiting some friends in Columbus over the winter break.” Kurt takes in another deep breath. “Normally glee club get togethers are no big deal, but I wanted your explicit permission for this. With Tina’s parents gone, and Puck having a few days to plan…things are probably going to get a bit out of hand. Given what happened at Rachel’s party last year, I figured being 100% transparent was important. Especially because I know for a fact that this is going to be more of an ordeal than the last party I went to.”

Burt raises an eyebrow, then shrugs. “Okay.”

Kurt blinks. Then blinks again. His eyebrows furrow together as he tries to figure out if he heard his father right. “Okay?”

“Listen, Kurt. You’ve had a hell of a year. A hell of a life, at that. I’m so proud of you, you know that? If you want one night off from being Superman, I can’t say I blame ya.” Kurt isn’t used to his dad being so lenient. While they’ve always had a good and honest relationship, after Kurt’s mom died, he became very protective of the only piece of her he had left.

“Dad, are you serious?” Kurt said, still absolutely puzzled.

“I mean, there are a few rules I’d like to set down before you go, but I trust you kid.” Burt stated nonchalantly.

Kurt smiles a little bit, sitting down at the foot of the bed. “Okay, rules like what?”

Kurt’s dad matches his smile. “Well for starters, I am driving you guys there and home. I don’t want anybody having access to their keys and doing something stupid, yeah?” Kurt nods in agreement. “So, I will drive you and Blaine and Finn in the evening, I’m assuming that you all will be spending the night, and then you can text me in the morning for me to come get you guys.”

“Yeah, that’s reasonable enough.” Kurt agrees, gesturing for his father to continue.

“And I want you to give that whole glee club my number, okay? If anything goes wrong at all, you call me, and we’ll deal with it. It’s not a call I want to get, but I’d rather you kids be safe. Carole has to be up early on the first, but I don’t - so no hesitations, okay?” Kurt nods again. “And all I ask is that you use your judgment. You’re a smart kid, I hope that won’t go away anytime soon. Take care of yourself. That’s all I want.” Burt leans forward and gives his son’s shoulder a quick squeeze, then leans back against the headboard of the bed. “I think that’s all I have to say.”

“That’s…surprisingly reasonable, actually. And yes, I will text everyone your number and double check that everyone has it saved before anything happens. Thank you, dad. You’re the best.” Kurt says excitedly.

“I have the mug to prove it.” Burt says with a small chuckle, picking his book back up.

[captain-aralias]

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all. 

but i also wanted to write this, idk. 

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer. 

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown. 

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again. 

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo. 

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days. 

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital. 

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it. 

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about. 

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly. 

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it. 

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly  about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison. 

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am. 

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life. 

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now. 

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal. 

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it. 

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.) 

what else did i want to say? 

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.) 

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it. 

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point. 

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin. 

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute. 

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but..... 

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here 

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be. 

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog. 

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.) 

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens. 

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years. 

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it. 

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while. 

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer. 

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

[froegs]

My Stardew OC’s!

long post, but feel free to read up if u wanna ask questions or request to see more of them!!

Ivy Sodbuster!

Quick Facts about Ivy:

She worked in customer service @ joja for 6 years

She was a dedicated scene kid 8th grade and all through high school, unfortunately she had to trash (almost) all her clothes and redye her hair bc of joja 😞

She only wore business casual bc she would go and work for seven hours and come home, sleep, repeat. When she started working on the farm she was broke as hell so she had to rip the sleeves off her shirts and cut her jeans into jorts so she could have work clothes

Emily was her first friend in town bc she saw ivys busted ass and said..... let me help you

She became friends with Sam second just because. He was around.

She inherited grandpa’s farm with her cousin, Oakley (my friends oc, once she finalizes a design I’ll draw them more).

Oakley’s more “mature” (bc shes 30) but she just is really anxious. Ivy tries to set her up with Leah but they don’t click,,, Oakley ends up falling for chicken man.

Sam introduces Ivy to Seb and instead of Farmer falling for NPC its the other way around Fr.

Seb crushes on Ivy immediately

His first attempt at flirting was like “hey ivy...... wanna see me beat Sam at 8pool for 3 hrs straight?” And Ivy immediately joined Sam’s side and demolished Seb in 8ball.

Ivy ended up hanging out with the ASS trio on a daily.

Seb and Ivy started dating Fall 1 of year 1 after they confessed their feelings for each other during the dance of the moonlight jellies festival

They moved in together 3 days after Seb’s bday

And were married Summer 10

They fast burned this bitch but they are so stupidly in love

In Year 3 Spring Ivy’s other cousin on her moms side became pregnant and chose to give it up for adoption, but beforehand she asked everyone in the family if they wanted a baby

Ivy looked at Seb like 👀

So on Year 3 Winter 1 they brought home their son, Finn

I think this is a classic trope for all Sebastian lovers but he def dresses Finn up in a frog onesie and calls him tadpole !!

Her favorite activity is fishing, that’s how’d she find excuses to hang out with Seb by the lake

She loves making artisan items, especially truffle oil. Oakley prefers large crops and agricultural designing and ivys like fuck yeah mushroom >:D

Milo NoLastName!

Quick Facts About Milo:

Milo was smuggled into Pelican Town by the Traveling Merchant when he was 6 and was taken in by Gil and Marlon.

Gil was 55 and Marlon was 46 when they “adopted” Milo

Gil took the most care of him and Marlon kind of had the attitude of like... a dad when your family pressures him to get a dog. First week their like FINE I GUESS we have to TAKE CARE of HIM. Next week: me and the bestie!

Milo looks up to Gil so much. His favorite brown jacket was Gil’s old one.

Marlon took Milo into the mines when he turned ten as a sort of “coming of age” trip and.... a bat nipped a part of his ear off.

Marlon said it’ll build character

But he was freaking out about it

Gil was upset but got it patched up.

I head canon that Evelyn taught the kids in town before they went off to high school, so four times a week (he’d usually stay home Friday to reset and relax or help out his dads) he’d have to socialize with the others

But he was always a few years older than them so he felt kind of distant

The others in question were Alex, Penny, Sam, Abigail, Sebastian, and Maru

Once he graduated middle school he convinced Gil to let him homeschool so he could find geodes and sell them during most the day.

When he was 17 he finally reached floor 120 of the mines, but on his way climbing back up he got attacked by three squid kids and void spirits, lost his left ear, and blacked out

He was rescued by Marlon, who rushed him home and took care of him

Because Pelican Town didn’t have a doctor at that time, the bus was broken down, all Marlon could do was try and clean up his ear and give him antibiotics and make sure it didn’t become infected

He lost his hearing in that ear

That was the biggest injury he’s gotten so far, but he was grateful when Harvey moved to town

Harvey opened his clinic, fresh faced (ish) at 26 and immediately some scruffed up 24 year old saunters in like “thank GOD ur here dude, here’s fourteen years worth of problems. Good luck.”

It didn’t actually go like that

But

Basically

Milo’s not really a social person, at 25 he discovered he could easily buy a car and drive out to the desert to try his hand at skull cavern. He came prepared but ended up needing emergency surgery that night anyway

He slowly but surely became friends with Sandy and the desert trader. He liked the trader for her prices and Sandy for her kindness.

He also fell in love with....... HARVEY!! (shocker)

Harvey actually fell in love with him first :))

Idiots to lovers slow burn

Hell they’re not even together by the time ivy rolls around and they met like.... 6 years ago??? My god these bitches.....

Pheobe Dy

Quick facts about Pheobe:

Pheobe actually grew up closer to the desert than Zuzu City or pelican town!

Her parents own a decent sized cacti farm and she’d bus into town for school where she met Sandy and Emily!!

I like to believe there’s another town (not as small as Pelican) but close knit in the desert. I hc that Sandy’s shop, skull caverns, and the trader are just like the entry road to a nice desert town

Anyway

She got into fashion and design when Emily pulled her and Sandy into it in sophomore year of high school

Sandy didn’t like it that much and would usually hit glue or staple pieces bc she’d procrastinate the whole time lol

But Pheobe and Em where DEDICATED

they’d hang out after school to design clothing and critique each other’s work (with love, of course)

Pheobe went to college for clothing design with her backup being IT and computer work (another passion of hers)

She started dating Sebastian when she met him during a trip to a small computer repair store in ZuZu city

He thought she was cute so he gave her his number and they met at Stardrop Saloon

She felt a need to like him, not because she was actually attracted to him in any way, but because she was a ~closeted lesbian~

So that relationship didn’t last too long

Ok maybe a little

2 years

But she’s bad at cutting off things, ok?

That’s when she realized she liked her best friends... Sandy and Emily

Emily and Sandy were already in a pretty open relationship by the time Pheobe came around, but it still took her some courage to admit her feelings to them.

They started dating when all three of them were around 26.

Emily moved with her sister Haley to pelican town a year into their relationship, and Sandy and Pheobe followed.

They bought a car so Sandy could maintain her shop in the desert

There is now a house where that garden that Harvey stands in 25/8 is. And Sandy and Pheobe live there. I don’t make the rules.

Pheobe and Emily work together on a small clothing company, they design the clothes together, Emily makes them, Pheobe made a website and uploads them there, and Sandy sells some at her shop :D

The three of them would like to tie the knot one day, but right now they’re super content on where they are, so sometime in the future :)

[seasidewriter1-writes]

Replying to @elizabeth0020 for: Hello!! I’ve always wondered how you decide what arcs/episodes you’re going to write? There are sooooo many, how do you know what’s a good one for your story vs one that isn’t? And a second question (if you feel like answering lol): how do you picture all the details you wrote? Like lighting, movements, facial expression etc? You’re so good at that and I’ve always been amazed at how you come up with them!

I love answering anything and everything, so never worry about sending me too much! I don’t often get to talk about the technical stuff (like the questions you’ve asked), so I love getting any chance I have to talk about them! (So hold on tight, ‘cause this is a ramble! 😂)

So, for the first question regarding the arcs... I picked out what episodes/arcs I thought were beneficial when I did my first watch through of the Clone Wars this past summer. I had a google doc that I wrote down all the episode names in, then jotted down the preliminary ideas. Let me tell you, with a show that has seven seasons of 20+ episodes, it was... so daunting to even think about narrowing down what episodes and arcs to use. It was what initially deterred me from using any of them at all. So I started to look for things that I felt would directly impact Elara, her character, and her development. For example, I didn’t really use all of “Cat and Mouse” because the episode, on a whole, wouldn’t have Elara much involved in it. It did, however, provide a wonderful backdrop for her time on Christophsis, which is why I didn’t nix it entirely. Aside from forcing Obi-Wan and Elara to be tied together, “Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General” were used to introduce her to Hondo, whom both allows her to be more playful, and showcases her knowledge of the seedier side of the galaxy. And there are plenty of episodes that I love and adore that I just... don’t think would fit. For as much as I love “Senate Spy” and the introduction of Clovis, there’s no way for me to put Elara into that episode and not have it feel forced. That’s another huge thing I look for when picking episodes; if Elara doesn’t feel like she would naturally fit into the storyline somehow, even if it’s indirectly, I’m not going to force her into it. That’s when I do things like mention the events of the episode in a chapter (like with “Clone Cadets”) instead of doing a whole episode. So Clovis is obviously going to get a mention (she’s Anakin’s sister and Padmé’s bestie, of course she’s going to hear about the debacle), but the whole episode won’t be written out.

Then, of course, you have the arcs. The ones that I had immediately chosen are (and these probably come as no surprise): Ryloth, Mandalore, Mortis, Slavers, and Deception. The arcs I find easier to choose because you have a chance to work with more surface area so to speak. It gives me a chance to really flesh out Elara’s part in the story, focus in on her and her emotions and how she’s tied to this particular plot. With the Mortis Arc, for example––Elara is a Skywalker. She is strong with the Force, and in the “Balance” verse, considered a Chosen One. That ties her into the Mortis Arc very interestingly, since it’s not just Anakin going God Mode. It’s going to lend me the chance to really dig deep into Elara, her connection to the Force, to the Light and Dark (the Daughter and Son), and her relationship to being a Chosen One. At first I was like ‘holy shit I’m never gonna be able to do this arc,’ and then when I buckled down and really thought it over... I realized it’s going to be really important for her as a character, and particularly her relationship with Anakin (stay tuned!). It also probably comes as no surprise that a lot of the arcs (and episodes) that get picked are influenced by whether or not Anakin or Obi-Wan are in them. Which is why I almost turned a blind eye to the Umbara Arc until someone brought it up. I did a rewatch of it and knew I had to include it, too. Because that’s going to be an awesome opportunity to flesh out how close Elara is to the 442nd, and be able to contrast her ideals as a General against those of Krell. A lot of the picking of episodes and arcs ends up being trial and error. I wrote the first four-ish pages of “Clone Cadets” before I realized it just didn’t flow right.

All this being said, I like to envision Elara is around for all of the Clone Wars episodes, so I’ve got lots of fun little random snippets for things that I’ll probably never write, but figure would happen in some part of a CW episode.

And after all that, here we finally are at your second question! ☺️

Coming up with all those small details is actually an amalgamation of things at work. I do attribute a lot of it to my training as an actor/theatre artist. I think about how, if I were directing it, how I’d want the movements to look, and how that would translate on both a small scale, and a large scale. A touch of a hand for Obi-Wan and Elara can feel like a world shifting movement––but come off as nothing but a simple, friendly gesture to their fellows. On a small scale, what makes the difference is the way the touch happens. How light the pressure of the touch is, how long it lasts, how slowly their fingers brush against the other person’s hand... all those things help me figure out the mood of that touch and how they’d respond to it. Also, when choosing words to describe movements I often think about the attitude attached to it. A ‘turn of the head’ when Anakin’s being moody may end up being a ‘swivel,’ or the ‘arch’ of an eyebrow from Obi-Wan is more sarcastic than a gentler ‘raise.’ I often agonize picking out those sorts of words. I’ll sit there and try them over and over again, then put them all into a Thesaurus website because I worry I use the same words too much. The thesaurus (particularly when writing Obi-Wan), is my best friend.

When I write mannerisms for canon characters, I use a lot of reference for. I’ll literally just scroll through gifs, watch movie clips, or rewatch the scene I’m writing to pick up on character-specific mannerisms. A couple chapters ago I was describing Anakin’s angry face, and I just looked at images of him from Revenge of the Sith (him alone in the Council room, him being knighted as Vader, his expressions on Mustafar, etc.) I’ll also do this for vocal ticks/inflections. I will also unashamedly admit I will sit there and compose my face into whatever expression I’m trying to describe. Sometimes feeling it physically, or physically composing it helps me come up with words or ways to describe the look. Same thing with touches AND with vocal inflection. Do I sit by myself and read what I’ve written aloud in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi cadence? Yes, yes I do. And has it helped me figure out what words/phrases do and do not work? Yes, it absolutely has!

Also, a lot of describing the details of motion/facial expression/touch gets affected by music for me. Like, if you listen to “Stairway to Heaven” as played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra while reading, say, the scene in “The Gungan General” where Obi-Wan and Elara wake up pressed up to one another... that song is just THE feel of that moment. Listening to the right music when writing (the little details especially) is big for me. Kinda like how “Blue Monday” is the music that works best for the bunker scene in “Storm Over Ryloth.”

There are also a lot of details that I pull from real life. I remember when I wrote Elara seeing Naboo for the first time—and consequently grass, trees, and flowers, too—it was summer time for me. I was staring out at the trees and the way the light filtered through them, watched how they swayed... the grass had just been cut and the breeze smelled sweet... and I was like ‘god, imagine experiencing this all for the first time.’ So I took what I felt and elevated it a little, tried to add a kind of wonder to the things that we all, for the most part, kinda take for granted. I like pulling on experiences I’ve had in real life as a basis.

I ask attribute a LOT of my detail work to my training as a theatre artist. I think about lighting now differently than I did a couple years ago; because I learned what kinda of light fit different moods. Like the scene of Obi-Wan at Dex’s would feel completely different if I’d described the light as cool toned. It would lack a sense of hope. His reminiscences would be sadder, it would feel more stark. The warmer tones suggest that there’s still heart and hope, a possibility for things to get better, and that reflects his inner life better than colder, bluer light. Or how I used light when I wrote Elara seeing Watto again after 10 years to describe her struggle between Dark and Light in that moment. She stepped out of the sun and into the shade because, for a moment, she almost gave in to the Darkness. (Inspired by the scene in Force Awakens where Kylo asks for Han’s help and the light shines down on them... with hints of red low lighting to hint at the struggle... only to have the light disappear as he overrides his own vulnerability, reverts to the Darkness and kills his own father).

I also love using physical objects as emotional triggers, like is done in theatre quite a bit. A good recent example being Elara’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan having it reminds him of his worries regarding her safety, and his struggle with choosing what path to take in regards to his feelings towards her. Or Elara with the Snow Blossom. These things have the ability to spark different emotions depending on the situation. On a good day, the Snow Blossom will make her smile; on a bad day, it may make her feel more sad than happy. And sometimes they don’t have to be objects—they can be bruises or scars or healing wounds. Having something physical spark an emotional response can be really helpful, and has actually helped me though rough spots in my writing.

I could literally go on for hours about all of this kind of stuff! So thank you for asking about it and giving me a chance to discuss it even a little bit! ☺️

[queer-crusader]

How do you think Silver & Flint's relationship would have evolved if things hadn't ended the way they did in S4? How do you think things would have progressed through time? I tend to think about the what ifs a lot. I'm just curious what your thoughts are on it.

OOFT. I mean i have many thoughts! It’s... very hard to say really. Because i think one thing Black Sails does incredibly well is the way it builds a story and a character. Many choices made in this show are so dependent on what the characters want and who they intrinsically are and how they influence each other (willingly/knowingly or not), and i feel like there are many very complex interwoven roads that led them to the conclusion they got to. Which is one of the many reasons the finale felt like such a tragedy; you know things are going to end badly because you kind of see it coming. And dear god it does hurt, even with Flint being reunited with Thomas.

So. I think there are two ways to answer this question, and you can sort of divide them into canon-ish versus fanon wish. These may not exactly be clearly indicated bc like i said i have Many Thoughts, and i apologise in advance 😅 Another thing i’ll be looking at here is something we had to lay out for our characters when i studied acting - the goals/objectives/motivations of the character, and their emotional/mental state. None of this is meant to be critical against any character. I simply adore analyising them and the paths of the story, and I love each and every character i talk about here deeply.

So, looking at that finale. There’s several things that i could take from what you say about things not ending the way they did - for now, i’m looking at the confrontation between Flint and Silver in the woods, where Silver forces Flint to quit his war and reunites him with Thomas.

Firstly, let’s analyse what we get from the canon, and what i believe motivates these characters to bring them to the point they end up at. There’s that famous line i think of Silver where he says he doesn’t know anymore where he ends and Flint begins - their thinking patterns have become so intertwined, they basically share a braincell. The tricky thing about this is, just because he and Flint think similarly, share tactics, and a knowledge of how to use people in their means, just because they understand each other well, doesn’t mean they share opinions and morals. Flint especially seems to forget this. He believes Silver is with him in his cause to end Imperial rule. But from Silver’s final actions, it’s clear Silver values his personal wants and needs above that of this abstract crowd of people. He’s not oppressed - or hasn’t felt the effects of Imperial/religious oppression (as far as we canonically know) like Flint and Madi have. And that means he doesn’t have the same drive. He’s driven by his personal connections to these people, i believe, purely from his own point of view. Like, i suspect he struggles to place himself in the shoes of Madi or Flint to feel their pain and motivation. He can see it, he just... doesn’t fully grasp it. (There’s also a question of whether he wishes to, but i feel nowhere NEAR qualified on answering that, nor do i think the canon gives us enough material to give a perfectly cut & dry answer.)

So you have this big miscommunication. Flint believes that, because he and Silver have basically become one shared braincell, they have the same goals, while Silver is still driven from a point of selfishness. (Side-note: there was a moment in the show he became selfless! He wouldn’t give up his crew when faced with torture from Vane’s quartermaster! But then he lost a leg over it and it seemed to dampen that selflessness. I think from there on, moments where he seems to be motivated by the good of the crew come instead from an internal need to belong and be loved more so than a genuine sense of brotherhood. That brotherhood may still have been there, but i think he might have suppressed that instinct a little and instead let the more selfish needs take more of a front seat. Understandable and not bad/evil, like that’s super valid of him. But my point is, he’s not exactly ready to fight for another man’s cause he doesn’t have as much of a personal emotional profit in, especially when he knows it’ll end in certain death for everyone he cares about and he knows cares about him.)

So that’s sort of where the characters are mentally in that climax. I may be skirting details and summarising a bit hastily, but it’s also been a GOOD while since i’ve watched season 4, so i apologise. Flint (and Madi as well - she plays an equally important role i think!) is fuelled by a mix of rage born from oppression/discrimination, and a protectiveness for others who may suffer the same fate. Silver meanwhile is fuelled by a need much closer to home - to be loved and to keep those he cares for and deems important to him alive and around. I’ve framed it as their emotional drive, but really it is also their goal, their objective in that finale. Flint and Madi are looking to burn down an oppressive system while Silver... isn’t. For him, their goals stand directly in the way of his. And by the end of the show, he’s gained enough power to prevail in his objective, cancelling out those of Flint and Madi.

So, could it have gone differently? I think, if we wanna play with canon and keep it as close to canon as possible... It seems almost impossible. These people’s goals just do not align. (There’s that sweet sweet tragedy again.) So what you need for it to go differently in short is for one of, if not several, of these people to change their goal. But we’re talking their MAIN objective, their main driving force at this point in the show - so like, the chances of that are slim. ESPECIALLY if we’re talking about the canon characters. After all, for that, the characters would need to look inside themselves and fucking face up to some of their issues and work on them. (This is something which these characters are not very prone to do, bc jesus it’s a mess in there and if that were me i’d preferably not turn introspective either and be forced to look at all that.)

So if we wanted Flint to change his goal, he’d need to come to terms with the Empire being untouchable - which is bullshit bc like my man has a POINT, just because they seem to be able to be brought down doesn’t mean they ain’t - and to accept the homophobia and oppression they treated him and Thomas with, which, yeah fuck that, absolutely not, his rage and his goals are valid as FUCK. If we wanted to change Madi’s - lmao like listen i understand wanting her and Silver happy together bc we ship EVERYTHING in this house, but she’s poc and proper royalty and wants to end slavery. We ain’t touching her goals. So that just leaves Silver. Silver would need to face a part of himself that keeps him from placing Flint’s goals, or Madi’s goals, over his own. (I suspect we circle back to that insecurity and need to be loved, which defo stems from whatever trauma he swears doesn’t affect who he is today.) So for that he’d uhh... need therapy. And a shit tonne of it. But then you still have the issue that Flint and Madi will likely fight their war (bc they DESERVE IT), which may lead to what Silver considers inevitable - that they will die early and horribly, and he ends up all alone.

So, looking at playing with the canon-ish to change things? It’s gonna end in tragedy. There’s doesn’t seem any other way about it, i fear; not with the way these characters were written, with who they are and what drives them and what they want. If it doesn’t end in tragedy in one way, then almost certainly in another.

So what are our other options? What if we look at the fanon wish - whether it’s silverflint, or silvermadi, or madisilverflint, or just to have these kids be fucking happy? Well, you know what? Maybe it DOESNT have to end up in tragedy. Maybe, if Silver does align himself with the goals of the people he loves - after learning to communicate and place himself in other people’s shoes and prioritise the needs of his loved ones and compromising and all that jazz (god this boy needs therapy that only the fanon can likely give him, rip) - he could join them in their war. And maybe, his genius and creativity and quick wit will in fact propel their cause forward and help so much, none of them dies an early gruesome death. It’s not impossible! It just requires that sweet sweet character growth he doesn’t get the opportunity for in canon.

Another option, and this one is perhaps a little more plausible if the show had no episode limit or a desire to end in tragedy and “align” itself with “history” (they’ve played fast and loose with real history i’ve learned, and like,, it’s a story about fictional characters so why did it have to align itself with history?? Okay fine, as a prequel to Treasure Island, it still needed to end in tragedy for Silver bc we know where he ends up. Were there no Treasure Island and no rules and we could do what we wanted with the show and write a new ending, then what?). This one is more popular, you see it in loads of fics and i like it a lot. Silver sends Flint to the plantation. Flint and Thomas break out and get their war anyway. They’re pissed at Silver for a bit for being a selfish dick shitting on Flint’s dreams, but like,, it’s not as if it stopped Flint. (We can even look at it like Silver knew they’d probably fight their war and have better odds with Thomas in the mix, giving them a better opportunity - but like, that’s just a fun headcanon to play with that i don’t think aligns with what he explicitly states to want in canon.) And then, after some years, everyone learns to communicate and talk things out and maybe, maybe, Silver grows a bit and things become healthier between him and Flint.

Listen, the moral of the story is this. I love all the ships in this show. I think they’re all neat, and i love the different iterations in which people bring them to life and try to align them with canon. Do i think that with the canon we’ve been given, silverflint could happen? Maybe. Would it be healthy?? I mean... Probably not 😅 but like, that doesn’t prevent me from shipping it. (That’s not the point of shipping - sometimes you just wanna see that sweet sweet chemistry pay off, even tho u know it ain’t healthy. The characters are fictional. It’s okay. No-one will get hurt - apart from maybe you if you end up romanticising it and taking that into real life but ooft that’s a whole other kettle of fish.) But god, that’s the fucking JOY of fanfics ya know?? It may also be why i enjoy writing my modern au so much xD therapy is an option, and canon means even less than usual. All im saying is, when it comes to the relation between silver and flint, the fan community are a fucking godsend. You want them to be friends?? We got fics for that! Want them to bone? SO many fics for that! Want a sort of father-son role?? Uhh nowhere near enough fics for that, but the fandom’s still active so you never know! Partners in crime?? Hell YEAH that has potential, even in canon i think if u just stretch out fan-written episodes far enough!! (God can you imagine the POTENTIAL?? Ignore the war, the grittiness, the drama. Get me some pirate hijinks where the stakes are low but they’re still sharing a braincell.)

(Hmm. Now i need to add another idea to my WIP list lmao xD)

Anywayyy, hope this satisfies ur curiosity anon!!

[thecheesbyrecipebook]

so @girouxes​ made me begin to post all my cheesby aus.. so here we go. i’ll guess i’ll start off with one of my longest ones: keep in mind this is unedited and written very casually, and a lot of it is not thought through. warning for typos and weird sentance structures. tw for unhealthy relationships, unhappy-ish ending, it’s a soulbond au thing. also, like, by nature of this blog: mentions of 18+ stuff may happen, think ao3 mature rating.

bonds are fickle, they're unpredictable and you're never quite sure if you're able to bond with someone. it is important to note that bonds are not soulmates and bonds are not predestined: they're a part of human biology, where two or more being have a connection that extends beyond themselves, they form a bond with someone else. this bond strengthens their capabilities, their emotional understanding of each other and has developed as a survival tool for humanity, and our complex relationships.

in modern pop-culture, bonds have become the 'end goal' when it comes to romance, best friends, or even enemies. bonds have become like most things in our world, commercialized and exaggerated by media, they've changed from a survival instinct, to one additional layer of complexity within our society and something to sell and market.

the thing with bonds is that if you bond with someone: it can go away, and it can come back. bonds can be strong, they can can be weak. however, they cannot be one-sided: luckily, a bond requires consent (that is not to say forced bonds doesn't happen, they do, and it's.. yeah. bad)

anyways, within hockey: bonds are fucked up. like, actually fucked up. you remember how i mentioned forced bonds? yeah. obviously, they don't say they're 'forced' but when two teammates can sense each other,, yeah, that's an advantage. there's been attempts to forbid it, but modern hockey relies upon what is known as 'hockey bonds' which are superficial, often 'forced' bonds between teammates (most often, a line or d-man pairs) to help them play better. within hockey, bonds with other players that aren't for playing or with people on other teams.. well, it's highly frowned upon and a lot of time, not allowed.

like. see bonds as a sort of more.. mental connection of friendship and understanding. they can be strong and they can be weak. and this kind of tool in human biology where you can sense / understand others would obvs be abused in many ways, esp in hockey.

so like, a hockey bond is essentially a very superficial bond done between two or more players who has a ’good’ connection but they’re always temporary bonds, and don’t go ’deeper’. as said, bonds have to be consensual in that they need to be accepted by both parts... but when your contract depends upon it, yeah. also like, closer friendship bonds or godforbid romantic bonds between players is taboo, both because of the nhl being Itself as well as the drama that would happen with deperr bonds that can’t be broken with trades and no-trade clauses with bonds is a whole dramatic thing

this is just a vague idea and worldbuilding but it’s more deep nd like complex? anyways so

sidney crosby doesn’t like bonds. or rather, he doesn’t like hockey bonds. it’s the nature, when you’re a kid and you click with someone: they try to make you bond. it worked, a couple of times, but it’s weird being him, being sidney crosby, and seeing that from someone else’s head, where he’s not himself, but he’s the legend, and the unintentional jealousy and fear and pressure of being bonded to him is there. bonding makes them better players, sure, but also sid feels like he’s lost himself, where his thoughts aren’t his own and he’s less and less of sid and more sidney crosby the chosen one, and he’s been dealing with this since he was 16.

people don’t really know what makes it easier for some to bond, and harder for others, but as young, sid’s always gotten it easy to bond: mayhaps that’s been open to it, that it’s hockey, and mayhaps it’s that there’s something about sid being ’sid the kid’ that makes the other players want to bond with him, wants part of his hockey, want part of his legacy, which makes it easy.

that’s the thing with hockey bonds: your hockey becomes entwined with someone else, you aren’t just ’you’ and when you’re the next golden kid of hockey, it’s.. well, it feels like they’re leeches, it feels like they want his glory, his abilities, and a young sid doesn’t like his hockey not being his. he never said he was unselfish. luckily, hockey bonds don't last.

especially not for sid. during his years in rimouski, there’s a lot of bonds: but none that stick.

thank god for that. he doesn’t like being bonded: he doesn’t like having to share with someone else, and he doesn’t like being sidney crosby, the hockey legend in his own head. he just wants to be himself. sidney crosby is strong enough to handle it on his own.

the only bond that sticks is his familial bond with taylor. at this young age, other kinds of bonds haven’t really stuck: not when you’re a playmaker, and you’re constantly pressured to bond with your team.

so, sidney crosby doesn’t like bonds: especially hockey bonds.

then he’s drafted. the thing about being a center, the thing about being a captain (or on his path to become one), about being the centerpiece of your team is that you’re expected to well, bond with the core of your teammates. you are supposed to understand them. supposed to guide them, you’re supposed to be the hivemind: that’s the role most captains play.

sid doesn’t. sid realizes after his first years with the penguins: when he’s been encouraged to bond, and it hasn’t worked, and he hasn’t wanted to, and they win the cup: that well, he’s sidney crosby, he’s got the power to do his thing, to be one of the best players without adhering to the nhl’s system of bonding. in this universe, sidney crosby is not the quiet play-along with the rules guys: he’s out there, and he’s causing a minor revolution, but he’s sidney crosby and he won’t be making a big deal out of it, so it’s fine. 

sidney crosby can do whatever the fuck he wants: as long as he plays good hockey. and he does.

there is a plotline here with sid wanting to bond with a couple of his teammates (mainly geno, maybe flower) but not letting himself to do so because bonding has always been a ‘must’, it’s always been something he doesn’t want, it’s always been the part of hockey he doesn’t want to participate, and he knows bonding with any teammate would result in his careful system toppling down upon himself, so he can’t.

there’s another plotline here with bonds being solely for hockey: and other bonds (outside of familial bonds, and romantic bonds with a perfect girl) being frowned down upon, or not really talked about, because when bonds become a part of the sport, your career, when that’s their role, it affects the nature of them.

and yes, this is a big issue within hockey and it is talked about, and awareness is trying to be spread about it, and some players fight back, like, it’s a social issue and a further flaw of the sport and harm of the culture. anyways.

(i know there’s like, like, not right stuff with claude’s history in here, rn i’m too lazy to look it up, but, you should get the gist)

on the other side, we’ve got claude giroux. he never bonded as young: it was never his role, and he never had the prominence for him. there’s always been someone who fit better with someone else, and while claude’s been an important player when he was young, he’s always had his own, independent journey. claude’s not grown up with hockey bonds in the same way a lot of the stars are, where they are grown up to find the perfect partner or the perfect line, and to be the center of the system: claude’s a young playmaker grown up with the rare case of bonds not being shoved down his throat.

this also means claude’s grown up with platonic bonds, friendship bonds: bonds that aren’t related to hockey, bonds that are allowed to be just that, to flourish and grow.

then, he’s drafted by the flyers. the flyers is a messy, violent team: not that claude minds, at all. but it’s also the nhl. and bonds matter. hockey bonds matter a heck lot. there’s been bad blood in the past with bonds within philadelphia, everyone knows this, and everyone knows that there’s always been contention and heat within philly and bonds between the players. this is a sudden culture shift for one claude giroux, but it’s also a claude giroux who forms bonds with someone like danny briere, and who, well, claude’s not a kid who is used with hockey bonds. 

hockey bonds are different than normal bonds, that’s just how it is.

there’s not like, a lot of detail thought out here but know this: know that claude’s new, and that flyers have a complicated past with how they bond, and how claude does things his own ways, and forms bonds, and how the flyers begin to find each other during 2007 - 2012, and how claude’s way of bonding spreads through the team, and how it becomes more familial, and reliable, but how it’s.. well. then briere get traded, and that’s the thing with hockey bonds, they need to be broken. 

this hurts. this hurts so fucking much. claude doesn’t want to break his bond with danny (and some strange familial bond with his sons, either) but, he has to. that’s the rules. you can’t have bonded players on different teams, that’d destroy the game, make it unfair. and so. for the first time, claude’s gotta break a bond that he’s forged so closely, that hasn’t just become a hockey bond, it has become a bond of strong friendship, of trust, and it’s broken just like that.

there’s probably been other smaller bonds broken and not broken (and the whole thing with sidney crosby but we’re getting into that later) but it’s different. hockey bonds are different. claude quickly learned, for him, they’re something casual: they’re a quick connection you get with someone on the ice, it’s a connection you have with your teammates, but it’s not a connection that goes beyond that. at this moment, claude’s not experienced the true harm of hockey bonds until now: when he realizes that it means the connection, that the part of himself, must be broken.

he hates this. he hates this so fucking much. he hates it even more when people gets traded, when things change, when things start to go downhill, and claude’s starting to realize the way he bonds and the way he is doesn’t work in hockey, it’s not a part of the game: the game doesn’t want this. 

it hurts.

anyways, by now i’m sure you’re curious about what’s been going on between sidney and g, and well, it’s complicated. i mentioned it before, but bonds aren’t just friendly. they can be happen between rivals: they can happen with someone you don’t like, and yet, have a connection with. of course, with hockey: rivalry bonds are somewhat common. it would be strange, otherwise, since hockey is.. well, hockey. 

rivalry bonds don’t fall under the same category as normal hockey bonds: hockey bonds are meant to help, guide, and assist. it’s believed that rivalry bonds were developed as a need to understand your enemy, to help defeat them: and the thing with rivalry bonds is that they are balanced. this means within hockey, a team-bond of two people on opposite teams is meant to aid and assist in helping each other: a rivalry bond is the opposite of that.

so, of course, rivalry bonds have become an entertainment factor of the nhl, of hockey: rivalry bonds can be temporary, which has happened at times during the olympics between former teammates (this is often so funny, and is definitely one of the best parts of international tournaments), or they can last long. oh, there’s definitely been beef when two people with enemy bonds have gotten traded onto the same team. it can be very funny, but it can also be quite dramatic, but of course, the nhl tries to hide this. 

bonds makes trades complicated: that is why permanent bonds aren’t allowed between teammates, or other hockey players. it has happened, and has most definitely caused a lot of internal drama within the nhl. 

anyways, so. it’s like, 2008 or 2009 and sidney crosby and claude giroux are facing each other upon the ice. obviously not for the first time. but there’s been something brewing, something of obvious rivalry, and claude can feel the possibility of a rivalry bond between him and sid: and he can sense how explosive their hockey would be against each other, he can taste it upon his tongue, and he can feel it happening but- sid doesn’t want to. sid rejects it. enemy bonds are usually less voluanteery than other bonds, but, sid shuts claude out so quickly. they fight. sort of. basically, there’s a heated moment on the ice and after the ice, where claude questions this, because he enjoys the rivalry, he enjoys the thrill, he knows the potential of a rivalry bond. sid doesn’t want that. they talk outside the game, or well, talk, argue and bicker: and claude learns one thing he’ll never forget: sid doesn’t do bonds.

anyways, most of their early ‘relationship’ is this.. weird tension between them because they both know there’s a rivalry bond there. it could be formed so easily. it has the potential, it could grow, become something that would fuel both of theirs hockey, become a part of them. claude can sense it. sid can sense it. but. sid doesn’t want it, he really doesn’t want it, and bonds can never be one-sided. 

the media speculates about this, of course: and sid hates it so fuckin’ much. he wants to play, and he enjoys playing against the flyers, and he enjoys being a brat against claude, but he doesn’t want a bond. he doesn’t do them. he doesn’t need it. his hockey can do good without it. claude gets so fuckin frustrated with sid, not with the fact that he won’t let their bond form, because, he understands that, but with what a brat and fuckin’ idiot sid is. 

their relationship is heated, it is strange, it is weird. it is almost like a bond, except they’re not bonded, and instead, there’s some kind of potential that is there between all of their encounters and it affects their interactions, and they don’t quite know where they have each other.

then we get to the playoff series against the pens, in 2012. a rivalry bond forms between them. and claude is so fucking shocked, that sid let this happen, that he can feel the venom, that he can feel the hate, the frustration, and sid can feel it back, but it’s weird, it’s full, it’s got so much fuckin inside it.

their series becomes explosive. their hockey becomes explosive. claude’s got a taste what he’s been feeling for the past years, brewing, and it’s- it’s fucking glorious. 

sid feels this too. he hasn’t bonded in so fucking long, and of course, it’s the rivlarly bond with claude, a bond that fuels him, that makes him play like fire- but he’s also scared. he doesn’t want his hockey to depend upon someone else. not now.

after the series is done, it fades away. claude and sid meet, after the flyers get kicked out of the playoffs, they talk, they fight. it’s heated, it’s rough. words bleed out, insults bleed out, their weird fickle relationship and with their strange, fickle, unstable bond between them. “what is this, sid” claude tells him, because, it’s not quite like a bond either of them has felt before. it’s a rivalry bond, but they both can feel so much brewing under the surface. 

sid kisses him, heated, violently, and they both can feel the bond spark between them, come alive, rush through them, entwine itself around them, something about how love and hate is close, how it fuels them, but then claude pushes sid away and the bond breaks. it’s quiet.

“not like this.”

sid walks away.

so, we’ve got the next years. anyways. so, claude becomes captain after the lock-out, and claude’s way with bonds and how he thinks and feels about them and all this and his unique view on hockey bonds forms the flyers core going forwards, everyone tightly bonded (beyond what is allowed, but no one needs to know) and every time he meets sidney crosby, their bond flickers. this time it’s claude who doesn’t want it.

you see, sidney realizes a few things during the next years: this is what happens when you grow up. some of these things are realized thanks to claude himself, feeling his bond, feeling how bonds can be, but also, letting himself bond (platonically, not-hockey, in secret with his teammates) and letting himself learn and know what a bond can be and meeting new people and understanding how harmful the nature of hockey bonds is, with a fascination to learn how actual bonds outside of the harmful world of hockey work. thanks to claude giroux, and the world around him.

anyways, claude and sid are quite weird during this time: they both don’t really know what’s going on between them, what their bond is, what bonds are. and during this time, it is sid who wants it, it is him who wants to let claude in but claude- yeah- he doesn’t want to deal with that. 

then the world’s happen. short summary of the world’s: they form a bond, but it’s merely a superficial hockey bond and it feels cold and empty and sid hates it, and claude does too, but they can’t let themselves closer, claude can’t let it open up, and they have this weird sort of understanding of each other, pretending it’s way less than it is and of course media catches onto this, and they both become teased over it, and it is- like- yeah, not really fun.

it breaks shortly after the worlds.

what happens next is that the pens win the cup. claude doesn’t know how to feel about this. sid seems happy. he seems joyous. 

the next years are weird. they bond sometimes, and then it breaks, because one of them doesn’t want it. it’s like, this weird friends with benefits relationship where their bond bounces back and forth between lust / love / rivalries / friends and,, sometimes they open it, sometimes they close it, but in the end: one of them always don’t want this.

like, i don’t have the rest of plot of this worked out, but it’s essentially exploring the idea of bonds and hockey bonds in the world and how claude and sid are always entwined, and bonded, but how it changes and develops, and how their relationship is always this ‘well, you missed out’ thing and it never quite aligns, and how the harmful world of hockey shapes this, and how they have different understandings of bonds, and how this shapes their relationship, and how it never quite pans out, and how the hockey world developes around this, and how they both bond in different ways, and learn to understand it, and maybe they find each other sometime, maybe they don’t, but it’s exploring the fucked idea of having something as important as bonds tied to hockey and how it fucks with people and how in the end, it ruins claude and sid and their potential together because bonds are so personal and so sensitive and how they work in hockey is so toxic.