#Action Over Words

[wickedzeevyln]

Less is More

Daily writing promptWhat could you do less of?View all responses I could care less. I could care less about the things I can’t control and more accommodating of the things I could. I could do less of atrociously punishing myself with stress and reduce cortisol levels on my body instead induce more dopamine by relishing every second I could squeeze out of the clock and wade in a pool of warmth…

[slhsawf]

Action over words, any day and every day!

[bonefall]

Anyway. Bi and Mspec Lesbians aren't a hotly "debated" topic or even new to queer culture, it's just the newest thing that bullies who REALLY want to be homophobic and even racist use to justify harassing gay people they don't like.

It's the thinnest possible veneer of progressive language wrapped around TERF and reactionary rhetoric so that they can feel righteous for forming an angry mob against vulnerable targets. If you're gullible enough to fall for the newest wave of bigotry within the queer community, and turn on your allies because they're "confusing" or "invading your spaces," the SAME way they turned on bi/pan labels, trans people, xenogenders, neopronouns, and aroace people before this, then get lost.

[raepliica]

(content warning: blood)

Sewed Up Heart

[ID: A Trigun comic done in grayscale with red accents. First, an anatomical heart gushes blood, forming a puddle which shifts into Vash's coat. Vash's gloved hands can be seen sewing up a tear at the hem.

Vash raises his hands, which are now bare and covered in blood. He looks sweaty and distressed, and he raises his coat to his face and cries into it. His clenched hands rip the sewed portion apart, and the red thread leads to a heart whose own stitches are tearing apart. The background gets darker and darker, and the red looks brighter and starker against it.

Then the background returns to white, and brown-skinned hands using embroidery scissors snip a red thread. Wolfwood holds up Vash's repaired coat, grinning proudly, and does a happy thumbs-up in Vash's direction. Vash lifts his head, seeming distant.

Wolfwood holds out the coat. As Vash puts out his hand to take it, the cloth is replaced so Wolfwood is dropping a sewed-up heart in Vash's hand. Vash rubs the coat against his face with a teary smile. End ID] ID CREDITS

[treeprince]

never let it be said that shen yuan doesnt fight for his man with bloody teeth

he started off already risking being sent back to his dead body to protect baby binghe the best he could on his first meeting and then continued to do so once the ooc shackles came off, made sure he felt loved and safe and at home on cqm, gave him every advantage he could think of (and then wondered why binghe got out of the abyss 2 yrs early, honey...), but bc those scum villain blinders were on so tight, he doesnt accept that he (the man shen yuan inside the character shen qingqiu) can change his own path enough to not be killed, and plans his own death accordingly bc he wont ever fight against binghe again if he can help it, i just...

this man loves binghe so much that he couldnt even conceive of a world in which binghe loves him back - and thats not just the comphet olympics in his brain talking, sy genuinely believes he's unlovable and only maybe sort of likeable by his fellow peak lords, and part of that comes from being forced into a scum villains role and not knowing the bigger picture behind sqq's actions (not even touching on how sy barely saw the entire cast of pidw as people until binghe actually looked hurt to him), but the rest was already preprogrammed before he transmigrated, and i want to know who hurt him so bad - bc all sy could imagine is that the whole world should love binghe, bc thats howmuch sy loves him the story is supposed to go, but all he could imagine for himself was gratitude at best and his demise at worst, until the very moment that it becomes clear that lbh has done everything, fucking EVERYTHING, to get sqq to love him back and i just SCREAMS

i cant imagine that sy would just let binghe go if he should ever decide to love someone else, the possession goes both ways with these two, and sy would fight tooth and nail to keep binghe for himself

[coddda]

Light's relationship with his father is such a heartbreaking multi-faceted tragedy to me I hate it so so so much.

Soichiro loves his son so much, and while he's certainly not a perfect father I know that he cares deeply about Light. He wants to prove Light's innocence so badly but he can't let go of the underlying doubt that he might really be Kira and it gnaws at him. He does not know that from the very beginning he was being used by Light, whether it was to obtain information about the investigation, or to get to L, or to strengthen the foundations of his own lie that he wasn't Kira, this entire time he was simply another resource. He'll hang onto this doubt for years, even after L is dead, even if he doesn't express it in the latter half of the series, until he himself is on his deathbed, with what he believes to be undeniable proof that Light isn't Kira. (It's a lie, of course.) He dies happy, but it's on the foundations of blissful ignorance. His own son brought him here, brought him to the point where he had to sacrifice half of his own remaining life span, to his own death march, and was still trying to use him even now to kill someone else, but he doesn't know that. Soichiro said that what was evil was the power to kill others, and that whoever used it was cursed. Light was that cursed man, of course, and he tried to bring that curse onto Soichiro too by making him kill in his last moments. Soichiro was happy regardless, because he didn't know. He'll never know. (In the manga/anime at least. More on that later).

Light loves his father but it's not enough to turn him away from the terrible decisions he's made, if anything it only fuels them. His idea of "justice" is a twisted model of what he parroted from Soichiro, and he uses his father as another pawn (and a powerful one at that) in his plans. If he can prove that Kira is justice then perhaps his father will no longer call Kira, and therefore Light, evil, so he just needs to ensure that Kira becomes justice, right? It's Light's own actions that land his own father in the hospital for a stress-induced heart attack and yet he says only a few minutes later that he's the happiest he's ever been in his entire life. Even after Soichiro denounces Kira by calling him evil, even after he calls the Death Note's power evil, even after he unknowingly tells Light that he is cursed. When Soichiro dies Light is too deep in his own plans to actually properly process the fact that his own father is dying past what it means for his goals, but at the same time he still cares enough that after the fact he'll genuinely cry, only to brush it all away later. (Personally, I don't have a single doubt in my mind that Light's crying in that scene was genuine and I Will die on this hill). Soichiro had unknowingly denounced Light one last time just before his death, openly relieved that he "wasn't Kira after all", which also reveals that he has had doubts about Light this entire time, even after L died. By the time he's caught at the Yellow Box Warehouse Light will have denounced his father too, seeing him as someone who was made to be a fool, someone who was naive, even, too earnest for his own good. He won't realize that part of this description of his father might have applied to Light himself, back when this all started. Light takes after his father so much in so many ways already, so why not in this way too?

Ough. And honestly the other adaptations never miss out on this tragedy either, and I love them for that. (spoilers for the musical and 2006 live action movies I guess?)

In the musical we see Soichiro express his doubts and conflicts about who to believe, Light or L, if the son he raised really is a murderer, if everything he knows about him is just a lie. Like, there's an entire song about this, and you can tell how torn he is about it all, how badly he wants Light to be innocent but about how he also needs to face the truth no matter what it is, but at the end of it all he doesn't even get the answers he wants. At the end of the musical the only thing he finds is two corpses, Light's and L's, with no answers. No last words, no closure, only dead ends and a dead son and a grieving daughter. It's so awful I hate it here.

And the live action movie is fucking Insane. Like, wow. Okay. (Spoiler for the ending of Death Note The Last Name I guess) In the 2006 movies/novels Light writes Soichiro's name in the Death Note himself, and it's such an inconcievable move that it leaves even Misa shocked; Light tries to make Soichiro give him the Death Note for the last part of his plans, seeing his death as a "necessary sacrifice" (insert tangent essay about why I think 2006 live action movie Light is actually the most "coldhearted" Light Yagami, despite how infamous anime Light is). It doesn't work, and Soichiro does end up finding out that Light is Kira this time, and they have a confrontation, but he doesn't even sound truly hateful towards Light for it. He Never seems to outright hate Light for it, even after Light calls the whole confrontation a waste of time and instead tries to continue killing with the piece of the notebook in his watch, even after he tries to get Ryuk to kill everyone. When Ryuk inevitably writes Light's name and he collapses, Soichiro still reaches out for him and holds onto him as he's dying. Light literally dies in Soichiro's arms, still looking for the validation that he was right, that this wasn't all for nothing, that he was doing the good thing, trying to make Soichiro understand that he was trying to enact justice based on what he learned from him in the first place. Soichiro not only learns but sees for himself what his son has become, and Light dies in his arms leaving no closure for either of them. Soichiro will announce Light's death in L Change the WorLd on the news without saying his name, saying instead that it is only Kira who is dead, even though he and Light are one in the same. Sachiko and Sayu will never get to know the full truth about what happened to Light, instead Soichiro will lie and instead tell them: "Light was killed by Kira."

And then holy Shit the jdrama. If I write about it here this post is gonna literally double in length and also I don't really wanna spoil it but. Man. Man. If you watched it you know. Holy Shit dude I Cried.

It's the fact that, canonically, Soichiro will die oblivious to what Light has done, but even in the instances where he does find out, it doesn't make it any better, and it doesn't make him love Light any less, it just gives him more to grieve.

It's the fact that there isn't a single universe where Light doesn't use his father for his own gain, whether to gain information, or to try and control him with the Death Note, or make him write in the Death Note himself, and not a single time will he realize just how far he's strayed from Soichiro's ideals, and not a single time will he not forsake him for it by the end of the story.

It's the fact that, despite everything, Light will always refers to Soichiro as "dad/my dad" (informal) rather than "father/my father", even after he has been "denounced" (and this is true in every language that Death Note has been translated in, as far as I could find. Man, isn't that so cool! :) <- Through tears).

Anyways that's what I've been thinking of how's your guys' days going

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

thinking about haikaveh's relationship from the archon quest to a parade of providence being based upon misunderstandings and kaveh actively wanting to avoid confrontation with alhaitham, or disparaging him

and then from a parade of providence onwards, kaveh actively seeking out conversation with alhaitham, feeling comfortable enough to recount his day, drink wine and share snacks together, voluntarily studying together as they had done in the past, calling their shared house a 'home', and going out of his way to search for alhaitham just to tell him about something interesting that happened

their gradual progression has led to them becoming equal companions, and it feels so so deserving - especially with them being perceived as a unit: a unique, exceptional pair (thank you sethos)

[wantonlywindswept]

forgotten fox ficbit

With Palpatine's dying breath, he curses Fox to be Forgotten.

(Fox isn't really bothered.)

---

There was a personnel transfer authorization sitting in Marshal Commander Thorn's crowded inbox.

He didn't remember requesting a fourth commander. The Guard was in desperate need of one following Thire finding Palpatine's wrinkled ass dead in his office, and the ensuing shitshow about the former Chancellor being a Sith and also controlling the war from both sides. Interim Chancellor Organa was incredibly competent and parsecs better than their previous natborn overlord, but even he was being swamped by the uproar in the Senate and the peace talks with the Separatists and the doubled amount of assassination attempts and the petabytes and petabytes of datawork--

Thorn couldn't remember requesting another commander, but he also couldn't remember the last time he slept.

Commander Vertex stood calm and at the ready on the other side of Thorn's desk, all-black helmet tucked under his arm as he waited patiently for Thorn to remember how to read. His hair was stark white, and there were vine-like scars wrapped around his neck that disappeared down into his blacks. The remnants of Sith lightning, Thorn knew, now that they'd been briefed on what that kind of thing looked like. 

Vertex's file was sparse, mostly redacted, and marked him as coming from the Special Operations Brigade, which Thorn could entirely believe.

"This isn't part of an investigation, is it?" he blurted, brain-to-mouth filter entirely gone after five too many cups of caf and an inadvisable number of stims over the past month. "The Guard was already cleared of suspicion involving the former Chancellor's death--"

Vertex held up a hand. Thorn's mouth snapped shut. 

"It's not," Vertex said, his voice firm, reassuring. There was something about it that made Thorn relax, as if his beleaguered hindbrain knew that the other commander had everything under control.

Spec Ops troops were amazing.

"The GAR is just reallocating resources given the recent upheaval," Vertex continued. Thorn nodded along like that all made sense. "I'm here to help with anything you need."

The word 'help' triggered a sudden burst of manic hope in Thorn's chest, and he lurched forward across his desk, grabbing Vertex's free hand in both of his own. The commander didn't even blink at the sudden movement, calmly meeting Thorn's wide, desperate eyes.

"Can you--" Thorn struggled to keep from sounding like he was begging, which he definitely was. "Can you do datawork?"

Vertex's sigh was entirely exasperated, and the roll of his eyes oddly, familiarly fond.

"Yes, Thorn. I can do your datawork."

---

Pt 2

[fracturedtimee]

"offscreen" "show don't tell" "actions over words" "media literacy"

SOMEONE SHOOT ME PLEASERAHWJQ

[fumifooms]

Jinx’s eyes and lost innocence

This sequence.

A bomb like she made in her youth. Except that unlike then, this one works, this one explodes… With paint and glitter and powder, instead of intending to kill or hurt.

The man who shielded himself from it sure that it would be his end, surprised, checking himself for wounds with disbelief, covered in paint, as if it was just some harmless prank. Relief. But the second surprise comes with the sound of the gun behind him. We see their eyes shift, both of them, her steeling and readying her shot without urgency and him understanding with urgency that yes, he is going to die, at her hand, and the bomb was just a fluke, a cruel prank, a distraction at best.

And this. These are the seconds that interest me, what ties it all together. The way we linger. The way she lingers. To, during a fight scene, slow down the pace to watch her face as she pulls the trigger and feels the recoil of her gun, watch her take in how she just took another life, watch her mouth part and her eyelids flutter when she notices the kid.

There are not enough emotions on her face for someone who just killed, but also there are more than there should be for a cold-blooded killer showing as much practice ease as she is. Does she always have this moment when killing someone? Did seeing her paint bomb go off, shooting someone covered in her paint and glitter of it, make her feel anything? Did she see the change in her that empowered her that she both loathes and clings onto in that split moment, too? Why did she even remake that first bomb? Why make it work and make it work to shoot off harmless fun showy things? Why indulge in this remnant of her past, why with that innocent intent intact stills if it didn’t get warped with the use of distracting an enemy to better sneak attack? Why taint that memory? Is the reaction only when she sees the kid?

Why does the camera linger, why does she linger? We’re not sure, and I’m sure she herself doesn’t know, but what we know is that she’s changed, and yeah, we’re low.

The kid, watching the fresh corpse fall, with curiosity more than anything.

Jinx with the gun gesture, reflecting their earlier conversation, referencing it. A shared secret, shared smirks, a relationship forming. Complicity. Jinx is knowingly or not taking her under her wing, shaping her by example like mentorship. A little girl that she resembled once getting desensitized to violence at her hand, encouraged to see killing positively. Empowering.

Episode 2 explores her past and upbringing in many ways, talking about Silco, her many mistakes, seeking out Sevika the last remnant of a person of her life with him and sticking with her, doing something for her despite knowing she should be betraying her any minute now. But fast forward to episode 3, the next time she has to confront it and herself.

Jinx praises Vi for finally using the right name for her, Jinx, and Vi talks about how she’ll kill her so she stops sullying the memory of Powder, blahblahblah. They exchange some punches and rows of bullets, we see Jinx’s eyes take in and calculate and shift here too, react and then react. Vi using the same mirror Caitlyn shot into intending to kill Jinx to shield herself from Jinx’s shot.

But this is it. When Vi uses her huge metal hextech fists to rip her invention, her gun, apart. Jinx is not the only one sullying memories, Vi is here, as an enforcer for Piltover, using Vander’s choice of weapon, and she uses it to hurt her, destroy her things, her inventions whose worth was such a source of insecurity and identity growing up.

This is when Jinx sees so very closely, at the other end of it, her sister’s rage and murderous intent as she rips metal apart.

We see her expression shift again and again during these few shots and the ones before and after. Her face as she watches Vi’s through the wires of her gun. As Vi roars. She grows less confident, less sure, more nervous, dare I say more fearful.

The music kicking up. Jinx’s face right then cutting to Jayce’s with a very similar expression, staring at something he doesn’t understand. "What have we done" he says.

Vi has always always been stronger than Jinx, inventions were how she made herself strong, and Vi can destroy them, Vi can rip metal apart.

And oh. Oh. This is truly really for real now. A fight to the death. No punches pulled.

She crawls away from Vi and it’s only the hextech malfunction that saves her.

Sevika smiles at Caitlyn biting her hand, with newfound respect as she draws blood. At her will, her bloodthirst, how far she’ll lower herself to hurt and fight. This is a scene about corruption arcs.

Jinx stands before Vi whose symbol of corruption just failed her, chained her to the ground vulnerable, and Jinx pulls the trigger just like Caitlyn, just like Vi was ready to do. No punches pulled.

Except they are. Jinx has steeled herself but Vi is softening. Vi is strong but she is vulnerable too and she can be made weak with Jinx’s guns and bombs.

And despite this when Jinx falls from her own weapon misfiring at a shot meant to kill her Vi is reaching out to catch, not hurt. Hold, not claw. Deflect, not counter.

Push, not punch.

Jinx’s eye shines pink like shimmer and this is when Vi shifts on the offensive, just before Jinx fires the shot that barelly misses her as she throws Jinx roughly at a wall.

And now they’ve fully switched places. The longer Vi has to fight Jinx the more she’s conflicted, the more Jinx loses herself to the fight the more she rages.

The chorus swells. "Just when you’ve done it all / you will turn it all / to ashes and blood" No words left to say, nothing left to mend.

She’s ready to die when she lunges at Vi with only her fists, she expects to die, hopes so. Knows from experience their respective results in that punching arcade game full well, even if she were to try with all her might, having tried all her might. She’s felt cursed by fate for a long time and she accepts it, just wants to go out with the most fireworks, to have been seen, to have mattered one way or another.

Vi punches the altar next to Jinx even as she’s got her pinned down defenseless and she readies her fist. And she has all the time to do it, she could have done it, except she couldn’t. And it costs them the chance to killl her.

The scene as a whole has a split focus on Jayce, Jinx and Vi centrally, and the song lyrics match that quite well. The full ones lyrics are worth looking at but to keep it quick: "How does it feel to reach the line that no one ever got to cross? Does it make you a god now?" A rethoric question of course, the song spells it out like it’s a damning wake-up call. The scene is all about regret. Our choices have led us here, it says. Jayce is dreading and afraid of what he’s done, Jinx is empty and as self-loathing as ever, Vi wants to stop blaming herself and is still conflicted on what side she should be on. "Catch the fire burning out your soul / Just make it die or you will turn it all / To ashes and blood" Jinx, accepting this is where she dies. She’s said in episode two she wants to kill the last of her family, but we all know it’s a lie, she’s never wanted to destroy and break things, never wanted to cause ashes and blood. She wants to fix things. She wants things to fix. She just wanted glitter bombs and arcade games. She wants there to be something left she can fix, but it’s all just dust now.

Jinx has never been in that place before, she took the time to draw all those Powders and Vis on pillars while waiting for her to show up so they can kill each other. She’s lingering on the past again, bringing it into the now to use it as a stage for battle.

Jayce is reckoning with the consequences of what he’s created and done, that he might cause a lot of ashes and blood. Vi being corrupted too, by Piltover, by rage, by Jinx, by Powder. Vi is being turned to ashes and blood, this is what jinx has made of her, what she’s made of herself. Vi is being corrupted too, by Piltover, by rage, by Jinx, by Powder. Vi has changed, too. Their whole society, their whole lives, their world figuratively and literally, it’s all crumbling.

"Every sin will be forgiven / If you lay down your weapons to the ground" But that’s not really how this works, is it. Jayce or Jinx can’t fix what they’ve done. Vi can’t say this, can’t fix her. No, they’ve dug their graves and the ground is where they’ll all be. Powder is dead.

Just when you think you’ve lost everything. Everything can get ruined and marred a little more, always. The past is not only in the past, it’s here and it’s haunting. Jinx will keep sullying the memory of Powder for Vi and Vi will keep tainting Jinx’s memories of her sister and their childhood.

[ghouldtime]

I feel like König can absolutely melt your heart like this in the kitchen while a big pot of stew is simmering. Feel like it would be mid winter, a cozy fire going in the living room, probably a smudge of paint on his face from having just completed the miniature diorama he made of your wedding day or something. I JUST FEEL LIKE HES SECRETLY A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/CZRSbWa5D1b2ryCA/?mibextid=uSdriS

(If you don't want to click the link, it's cool. It's like a really slow beautiful old timey princess kind of dance. Lots of twirling and the holding hands behind your back kind of thing?)

I'm sorry I'm bursting yet another bubble here 😭 while that's a sweet thought and he has plenty of romantic actions to boot, he's not a hopeless romantic or even close to it.

A hopeless romantic is someone who believes in love conquering all and they have an idealistic view of it. They're someone who believes in love, no matter what they've seen or their past. They're someone who holds onto love above all and usually centers their life around it.

He doesn't even come close. Truth be told, he's extremely pessimistic and is near the polar opposite of that 😭

He's seen a lot, experienced a lot, and has never been one to feel that way. After being ruthlessly bullied as a kid for simply existing as himself and seeing his comrades torn into meat confetti for stepping one foot too far, he's doesn't exactly have a pearly world view. He doesn't think about love first, or second, or even third, fourth, or fifth. Love wasn't a focus for him or an interest - it wasn't a necessity in that department, he's been without romantic love most of his life, why would he need it then or now?

Love didn't stop bullets from spiraling towards you on the field, love can't conquer all when things like hate, retribution, and vengeance are sung much stronger in his world. Love could motivate but it destroyed many from the inside out. He wasn't going to start believing in love or wanting it just cause.

Sure, he had familial love. He loves his parents and that did wonders in a world that was usually otherwise cruel towards him. But romantic? He wasn't ever particularly interested. To him, it's usually yet another complication in the line of things. And anyone who is nice to him, he's usually suspicious of. He doesn't let people close for a reason.

Quite frankly, he usually thinks others have ulterior motives, especially if they're trying to cozy up to him. All his life, he's pretty much been an outcast. People tended to only be nice when they wanted something. He can count on one hand the few people who have genuinely been nice to him without WANTING something from him, whether that be his perks with his rank or just to have him as a human shield as they charge into battle.

He was the awkward kid, the loner, the one no one talked to in school. He never had a romantic life there. And he went straight to the military which left him no time or room for one - not that he cared for it. It's just not something he cared for or went after because he hadn't really experienced it and it wouldn't do him any good. He's seen how many marriages end and heard of all the troubles.

He was never actively looking for it or thinking of love. He wasn't seeking it because he's seen how miserable people are in and out of it. He's very much "if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm happy with being me." König is a very independent man, he's fine on his own and is content with himself and where he stands.

I actually wouldn't describe him as any kind of romantic aside from unintentional because it's not a conscious thought! He's not doing it to woo or impress or to be a big gesture, he's just doing it because he likes you and wants to see you happy. What he does isn't born out of romance or desire or the want for either - it's just from the heart. It's an instinct.

He's not thinking of how romantic it would be as he plants your favorite flowers in his garden. He's growing them because he wants to see you happy and wants to put more of what you like in the world. He stocks your favorite drinks and snacks in his house because he wants you over - he wants you happy, comfortable, and enjoying his company. His actions are how he shows how he feels, but he's also not actively doing it because he's enamored with love itself or loving and how it feels. He doesn't care about the idea of love in particular, but he cares about you and what he feels for you.

He isn't making a diorama of the wedding because it's a romantic gesture, he's doing it because it captured how you both felt that day - and how truly beautiful you were in that moment, outshining the stars that danced above that night. He's memorializing his love in every brushstroke and clay flower, making sure to take extra care on the model he built of you. If he could relive any day over and over, it would be that. Sadly, he doesn't have that power, so he'll stick for the photos that captured it and the replicas he could make to truly memorialize it in the physical realm for years to come.

König's love isn't flashy, it isn't showy, it isn't meant to be something grand or fairytale levels of romance. It's simply his. Will he make you a ballgown if you wanted? Absolutely, but he's no prince, nor a king despite his name. Will he dance with you like that if you wanted? Absolutely. But that's not his first thought or a fantasy he really thinks of unless you implement it in his head. He's just him, living in the smaller moments of life. He doesn't need to show off to the world, he doesn't need it to be extravagant or formal, he doesn't need it to be by the books romantic - all of what he does is heartfelt, that's what he knows matters. And it has to be with and for you 💚 that's what matters the most

He's more one for holding you close and slow dancing in the kitchen as the water in the kettle boils, with no rush to be anywhere else. He's not hopelessly romantic, he's not even intentionally romantic, the only thing he's hopelessly in is love 💚

Besides, he's gotta save some moves for the wedding to make it that much more special 👀(he's signing you both up for ballroom dancing the second you express wanting anything like that. He's already picking out the fabric for the dress too)

[sophsun1]

Queer as Folk – 3.06: One Ring to Rule Them All

[momentomori24]

Surprisingly, hearing Vox and Val technically (I love how technically needed to be added) aren't dating didn't upset me as much as I thought it would. It did... for like a minute until I thought about how painfully much it fits them.

Val throws tantrums and is ready go out and kill people to let off steam, but decides to stay put in his room and sulk instead while he waits for his flat-faced prince to come and comfort him before he does anything drastic. He's killed and abused people for the slightest hint of non-compliance, which he sees as giving him an attitude or questioning his authority, but he doesn't so much as flinch when Vox raises his voice and starts shaking him in frustration more than once. He doesn't lash out or get angry when Vox tries to talk him out of marching towards the hotel, but instead listens to his points and takes his words to heart even when they weren't what he wanted to hear. He's not interested in Alastor, but is willing to sit through watching the extermination broadcast because Vox is a passionate football dad about his one-sided rival getting dunked on. He doesn't even act jealous towards Vox's obsession, just weirdly amused and supportive even tho he hates not being the center of attention any other times. And then there's Vox, who acts like he's annoyed to have to put up with Valentino but still does it anyway. He acts disinterested about Val's ranting over Angel until he hears that Angel might've quit because he's an jealous, insecure loser that wants that mf's attention to himself. He lights his cigarette and decides to call up their lowest earners for him to terrorize without being asked just to lighten his mood a little (unrelated but i feel for their employees). He keeps his eyes on him both in his room and when he's at the pub through the cameras he's got everywhere. He takes his hand like one would with a princess and smiles fondly at him before disappearing when noticing they're being watched. He's the only person that Val trusts enough to calm him down when his temper gets the better of him. And Val-- despite his volatile temper and obnoxious quirks-- is someone he respects and cares about, both as his business associate and romantic partner.

And they aren't dating. Val and Vox clearly have a connection and understanding and attraction yet are unable to confront those feelings in fear of being vulnerable. So they aren't dating. Val obsesses over Angel and Vox obsesses over Alastor to distract themselves of the other only to fall back into each other's arms at the end of the day. Even tho they aren't dating. They celebrate, dance, sing, support and shamelessly make out with each other. They're the only ones that would put up with each other's bullshit no matter what-- but for some reason, they're still not dating. They are two of the worst Overlords in Hell, capable of committing so many despicable acts and jumping to immoral tactics for their own gain without any regrets, but opening that door into genuine emotional vulnerability? Acknowledging their softness for each other? That's where they draw the line. They're clearly made for each other, but neither of them dare to step over that line to commit to something more.

Which means that we could get to actually see these changes take place. We could get to see more sides to these two we still haven't seen before. We could get to see them actually start dating and the complicated journey it took to get there. We could get to scream and kick and seeth as these two morons continue to dance around admitting their very much requited romantic feelings for every stupid reason under the sun episode after episode. We could get to see these two fix each other and make each other worse simultaneously. Mostly make each other worse. We could get to see them have a romantic duet. We could get to see them be happy together-- officially together-- while they make life worse for everyone around them.

All this mumbo-jumbo, sleep-deprived ranting will likely not happen, but the potential character growth, the dynamic development, the resolved romantic tension, the SONGS we could get??? I'm clinging onto this hope for dear life until it's ripped from my cold, dead hands.

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 3

(Ep1+2 | Ep4)

I really wanted to drop this before Episode 4, but the thing is I really really really struggled with this episode. The first two episode were very clear to me, so clear even that I managed binge-write my first post within a single night after having spent the previous night rewatching the episodes and taking notes. I kept asking myself the question "Style does this and acts like this, but why?" and quickly found my answers. But looking at episode 3? I really struggled with the "but why".

But let's get into it anyway. Not that I finish this post only when the final episode drops lol.

~~~ Spoiler warning for episode 4 ~~~

To recap: when we last saw Fadel and Style together in episode 2 Fadel ambushed Style in the locker room and basically declared war on Style. Style launched counterattacks. They did not part on the best of terms.

Pronoun situation: In my first meta post I kept up with their pronoun use on a scene by scene basis. This time I won't do that, because they consistently use the rude guu/mueng pronouns for each other throughout the entire episode without any significant pronoun changes.

No. 1: RAWR

The very first sequence at the heavy metal bar is where my first problem already arises: I am undecided on whether Style went there on purpose to find Fadel or if he went there of his own accord to have fun and just happened to run into Fadel completely by chance. Because you could make arguments both FOR and AGAINST Style showing up specifically for Fadel.

AGAINST: Style does look kinda surprised when walks up to Fadel. When they're chatting by the counter Style says he's here all the time (which is something he doesn't say about the running track or the gym – two spots that we know he only went to for Fadel). We also don't get to see Style looking at the notebook like we do before he bugs Fadel at the running track for the first time or later in the episode when he shows up at the support group meeting. What's more, Style doesn't really attempt to stick to Fadel no matter what until Fadel either physically gets rid of him or just walks away. Instead Style leaves of his own accord to have fun with people who aren't Fadel and also seems perfectly content to do so.

FOR: When Kant looks through the notebook in ep2 after Bison hands it to him we can see that the bar is in there. So Style should know this bar is one of Fadel's go-to spots. Style could be feigning surprise when he walks up to Fadel to make it look like a chance meeting and he could also be lying about being there all the time.

Whether or not Style came to the bar in order to seek out Fadel specifically or not, when he walks up to Fadel and sits down next to him it's all in a friendly manner. His behavior has an air of Oh hey there person that I know, let me say hello! to it.

Style is once again trying to involve Fadel in an amiable conversation despite their confrontation last time they saw each other. Or maybe he's trying to involve Fadel in an amiable conversation because of the confrontation last time they saw each other. Style's friendly approach makes it clear that he's not holding any grudges about it. Fadel is not up for a friendly conversation, though. In the scene by the counter he says a total amount of two sentences to Style (or even just one, if you don't count the "no" as a single sentence). Style tries to get Fadel to socialize, to get Fadel to come out of his grumpy shell and go dance with him a little bit, to loosen up and scream a little bit. Fadel won't budge. So Style gives him his space and walks off, but not without inviting Fadel to follow him just in case Fadel miraculously changes his mind. After Style clinks bottles with his (new?) friends he looks back at Fadel and nods at him before getting busy with his friends.

I want to talk about that nod for a quick moment. Because as an introvert who tends to be quiet and shy in a crowd (especially a crowd of strangers or people I don't know well) I have my fair share of experience of being alone in a crowd. And I adore that Style is making contact with Fadel again, even though he already walked away and their conversation is actually over. As I've mentioned in some tags before, some of Style's core personality traits really remind me of a dear old friend of mine. We had a time in our late (ish) teens where we'd hang out at our youth leader's flat every day. My friend and my youth leader would often play Magic: The Gathering, which is something that's really not my thing and so I'd be "left out" that is I'd be chilling next to them doing my own thing or just watching them, not understanding shit. They'd be in the middle of a game and my friend would sometimes randomly look up and nod at me like that or he would pull faces at me or do some other random shit to communicate with me for a second before focusing back on the game. These small gestures were something I always really appreciated because they made me feel included, even though I had no interest in the game and couldn't really be part of it. The way Style nods at Fadel reminds me of that. He's making contact with Fadel across the room, involving him, including him. It's a nod kind of like Hey, I see you. And yeah, Fadel doesn't really want to be seen, except deep down maybe he does.

Which brings me to the choking scene. Style is having fun with his friends (or random people he just met??). He spots Fadel, excuses himself and walks over. Almost as if he saw Fadel standing there all on his own and decided to talk to him because "You're supposed to have fun with your friends at a place like this". As if he doesn't want Fadel be all alone. So he walks up to him and starts another conversation. We get another confirmation that Style isn't holding any grudges about their confrontation in the locker room, because he actively teases Fadel about it. I'm not even sure Style is purposefully being flirty here, I think he really is going more for a playful callback to the locker room confrontation, mixed with a challenge of "So? Are you gonna go rough on me again? I dare you to do it again!"

What's more, I think at this point his brain is set to I must hit on him, so I must drop flirty shit whenever possible. So when he says Fadel looks sexy, while there sure is some truth to it and he certainly finds Fadel sexy in general, I don't think he really 100% means it in that specific moment. It's almost more as if he's saying it out of habit, just for the sake of dropping flirty shit and compliments at any given opportunity.

All in all, that night at the bar Style isn't really being annoying or flirting with Fadel on purpose. He spends the night trying to make friends with Fadel again, trying to make amiable conversation, trying to involve him in friendly banter, trying to genuinely connect with him. As if to get Fadel to open up and come out of the shell that he has deeply buried himself in. And I think what this interaction also shows is that Style is starting to have positive feelings towards Fadel. It's the beginning of Style genuinely liking Fadel more than he dislikes him. Style is slowly starting to worry and to care about him.

No. 2: The Best Way to Burn Calories

Now for this scene we know for a fact Style is here for Fadel specifically. Once again, Style blurts out flirty shit and once again it doesn't sound entirely genuine as if he actually means what he says. Kant has sent him on a mission to hit on Fadel, but Style still hasn't quite figured out how to get through to him. Fadel continuously ignores or even blocks Style's attempts to make friends with him or to genuinely connect to him and the flirting also doesn't seem to be working. (Oh, Style. If only you knew just how well your genuine flirting at the gym worked on Fadel 🤭)

Style knows very well that Fadel is annoyed by him (Fadel even explicitly tells him that it's a bad morning if he sees Style). And I think at this point Style has decided that if he can't be a positive presence in Fadel's life he'll simply just be a negative presence then. Since that will still bring him closer to his goal than being no presence in Fadel's life at all would bring him. So he just shows up, bugs Fadel to remind him of Style's existence and also drops flirty shit at any given opportunity while he's at it regardless of whether he genuinely means what he says in that moment or not. And while I'm sure there is some truth behind Style's words, I think a lot of the flirting really is more of a routine now, a habit. Since that is what he was hired to do after all.

Side quest: Body and Heart

One thing this scene touches on is that Style definitely isn't in it just for sex alone but that he desires an emotional component as well: he explicitly says he wants Fadel's body AND his heart. As I said, I don't think Style really meant the flirting here, but I do think there is some truth to his words, namely his desire to not just have meaningless sex but to also be in love.

I think, unlike Kant, Style actually isn't too big on casual one-night stands. I think he enjoys flirting around, because Style is an attention hoe, but if I had to guess I would say most of the time he doesn't end up actually sleeping with anyone. Style is charming and I think he has a lot of fun with flirty banter. And he definitely loves the attention: in episode 1 he clearly enjoys it when the girls are admiring his waist that he proudly shows off at the bowling alley, in episode 2 he gives Fadel permission to look at his naked body, and then later in episode 3 he also looks very happy and satisfied after those girls call him "hot" when he's dropping of the car keys at the host club.

Style loves the attention, he enjoys the flirty banter, but I think sleeping around no strings attached isn't truly his kind of thing. We get another hint of this in episode 1 when Kant claims "[Y]ou’re in no position to call me out when you’ve been playing around just the same". Style replies "I don’t know what you’re talking about" in a disapproving tone and with a skeptical face.

In fact, in Thai he says:

อะไรของมึงว่ะ [àrai - kŏng - mueng - wâ] what - of - you - [rude particle]

I haven't checked this phrase back with a native speaker yet, but I've often heard it in the sense of Wtf is your problem? or Wtf is up with you? or Wtf are you talking about? To me, the English subs sound almost more like Style is deflecting Kant's statement while in Thai to me it feels like Style is actively disagreeing with Kant's words (feel free to correct me on this if I'm wrong @happypotato48 🙏).

Like, Style clearly doesn't approve of Kant's accusations and immediately goes attention seeking to highlight that that is what he's all about:

Going with the crop top shot specifically because I'm SURE some of you will really appreciate it lol

The literal translation of what he says here is actually more like "I'm just checking my rating":

กูก็แค่เช็คเรตติ้งกูเฉยๆว่ะวะ [guu - gôr kâe - chék - ret-dting - guu - chŏiie chŏiie - wâ wá] I - only - check - rating - I/my - just - [rude particle]

Style wants eyes on him, not hands, and he wants to be rated the hottest person in town by everyone who takes just one single look at him, thank you very much.

What's more, right before this exchange he also tells Kant to quit his one-night stands and get a real lover, so we know Style is very much team "having a boyfriend is a good thing". Style not being too big on meaningless one-night stands will also be reflected later in episode 3 when Style tells Fadel " What kind of man do you take me for? I might look like I play around, but I’m damn devoted to love. I want to date*" when he complains about Fadel ditching him right after their hook-up as well as in episode 4 when Style tells him "I'm not just anyone. I need clarity" when Fadel points out "Some people [have sex] countless times and never called it anything" after Style asks what their relationship is now that they've hooked up twice. We see it also in the way how enraged and genuinely hurt Style is in episode 4 after the stunt Fadel pulls in the kitchen. For Style, sex isn't just sex and I think as impulsive as he can be he still makes very deliberate decisions about who he actually sleeps with.

Kant may claim Style plays around just like Kant does, but the thing is that night at the bowling alley? It's Kant who finds himself someone to spend a fun night with while we see Style leaving the bowling alley all by himself without his own hook-up. You could even make arguments about how Style doesn't actually like doing the pursuing and much rather prefers to be pursued. But more on that later.

*(Actually, literally he doesn't say "I want to date" but "I want a faen" -> confirming once again Style is Team Steady Boyfriend)

No. 3: Sweet Meat

Just like in the scene at the sports field right beforehand, Style continues to be an annoying presence in Fadel's life, if he can't manage to be a positive presence. For this scene he even turns up his annoyingness level a little more than at the running track. What's very interesting here compared to the meat stall scene from episode 2 is that here in episode 3? Style doesn't give a shit that Fadel turns away and walks off without buying anything. In episode 2 he was very quick to yield in order to keep Fadel from running away, but this time Style doesn't care that Fadel just ditches him. When Fadel has gone, Style immediately hurries after him. He's already got his next move planned.

No. 4: Burger Burger Burger Burger

I think Style tries out a different strategy here: maybe if he helps Fadel, Fadel will finally soften up to him. What's also interesting is that every word out of Style's mouth suddenly sounds a lot more genuine now compared to what he was spouting at the running track or at the market earlier that day. And I think it's because he (thinks he) is helping Fadel.

Style likes to help. We see this in the way he agrees to help his best friend by hitting on some weirdo guy (yes, of course he's also getting a car out of this deal, but I think part of the reason why he agrees to the deal is also because he genuinely wants to help Kant find love), we see this in the way he immediately takes orders from customers no questions asked in episode 2 right before he meets Bison, and we'll see this even later this episode when he throws himself into the fight despite having no fighting skills whatsoever, just because he thinks three against one is unfair and wants to help.

And if we go back to the thought that maybe, just maybe, Style actually doesn't like to pursue others then it's no surprise that his words here suddenly sound a lot more genuine now that he (thinks he) is helping Fadel compared to his half-assed attempts at flirting earlier that day on the sports field and at the market. Helping people is Style's thing. He's back in his comfort zone which means now he can be much more sincere in his words and his actions again, because there is less of a need to pretend to be a type of person that he just simply is not.

Which also results in Style being much more playful again rather than annoying. For example, when he calls Fadel a "good-looking chef" and shoves him with his his gigantic burger bun. Or when he teases Fadel about being shy. Or when he asks Fadel "You hungry?" after they end up on the ground. This time I actually believe Style's words. Where the flirting at the running track and the teasing at the market felt more like a task where Style was mostly just saying words to get the job done, now that he's back in his comfort zone it sounds like he actually means everything he says again.

There is also some sort of sincerity to Style's desire to help. Fadel, however, does not want Style's help and tries to send him away. Style reminds him that Fadel should probably be making burgers instead of wasting time arguing with him and also points out that Fadel's own brother, who is supposed to be here helping him, is nowhere to be found and that he, Style, is in fact right here by Fadel's side helping him, supporting him. I think Style is being a little overly dramatic when he says "All I ask from you is a little decency" in order to get Fadel to soften up at least a little bit and to get him to accept Style's help, but I also think Style does genuinely desire at least some form of recognition for his support as well. But Fadel won't budge and once again just abandons him.

No. 5: This Is A... kitchen

Trouble arises at the diner and once again we see that Style likes being helpful, because he rushes into the kitchen, immediately ready to help serve the customers. And this time his desire to help is real. It might also stem a little from his desire to fix things, because it is his own fault that the restaurant is overrun and so part of him might want to make up for that, too. What matters, though, is that it's not just another attempt at getting close to Fadel like earlier when he was promoting the restaurant. Fadel blocks him once again, but Style insists. And I think he really hits the nail on the head with this:

I haven't yet looked at Fadel as closely as I have at Style (oh how I wish I had the time, though *cries in university student*) but I do think that this is ultimately something Fadel will be forced to learn over the course of the series.

Anyway, Fadel tries to send Style away again, but Style refuses to go and lists a number of arguments as to why he should in fact go serve tables instead of going home. He ends his arguments by telling Fadel to learn to accept help and then then determinedly tells him that he'll go wait the tables himself. Once those words are out of his mouth he looks at Fadel almost with a bit of a defiant expression on his face as if he's waiting for Fadel to object again.

But this time Fadel says "Fine, you can wait the tables" and Style nods and raises an eyebrow in surprise and happiness, like Wait?? I can?? For real?? You're actually letting me?? I don't have to fight you some more?? You're not throwing me out again??

When Style goes to change into the uniform right there in the kitchen, I don't think he's doing it to be flirty or anything like that at first. I think in the heat of the moment he genuinely forgot that changing rooms (or in this case, bathrooms) exist. I think he wanted to follow Fadel's order as quickly as possible so that he could start helping as quickly as possible. That is, until Fadel tells him off and sends him to the bathroom. Style responds by playfully teasing Fadel about being shy. Style is in an excellent mood now because it's one of those rare occasions where Fadel accepts Style's presence rather than trying to get rid of him. And while I do think Style changes in the kitchen anyway in order to tease Fadel, I don't think he's necessarily doing it to tease Fadel for sexy reasons but rather for playfully petty reasons. Because Fadel keeps scolding him and yelling at him and when Fadel tells him off for changing clothes in the kitchen, Style does it out of spite. Like Oh, you don't want me to change in the kitchen? Well, in this case i DEFINITELY have to change in the kitchen, then. I will say, though, that there is definitely a little bit of an Oh, you're NOT shy? Well, prove it, then! in there as well. But I don't think that this thought is Style's main focus here, because apart from this one look that Style throws Fadel right after he's pulled his shirt over his head...

...from what the camera shows us he seems more focused on the clothes and the action of changing them rather than on Fadel's reaction to him getting naked:

We, the audience, were shown Fadel's reactions to Style getting undressed and I think if Style had taken note of these reactions, the series would have made a point in showing us that Style notices Fadel's crisis. And our chatty cat here would have 100000% teased Fadel about it. What's more, Style has no idea just how much of an effect his naked body had on Fadel back at the sauna. Style has absolutely no idea that Fadel went and fantasized about him afterwards. So Style does not (yet) know that his naked body is one of the strongest weapons he currently has in the fight for Fadel. So Style does not (yet) realize that he could be using his body in a much more deliberate manner. And I don't think he realized it in this scene either, because as I said we would have been shown his discovery. So Style leaves the scene none the wiser, but eager to help and absolutely stoked that Fadel actually lets him for once.

No. 6: Death by Spatula?

Unexpectedly, Fadel drops lore of himself and I think that piques Style's interest because Fadel almost NEVER drops lore of himself. Pretty much all the things Style knows about Fadel are things he got from other people (like all the information in the notebook) or things he found out by himself (either because he's picked up on them in all their interactions so far or because he actively did some research like when he looked up Fadel's name). There are only two other instances where Fadel himself revealed something about himself to Style:

When Style finds him at the gym, Fadel drops that he doesn't like it when it's crowded and that this is why he likes going to the gym at night.

When Fadel tells Style that he runs a burger joint in the "sensitive nipples" scene and also mentions that he does everything by himself. Although this incident barely counts, because Fadel didn't really give this information voluntarily but was instead kind of forced to since Style had found the pin of his restaurant.

Usually, Fadel refuses to reveal anything about himself. But now Fadel is overwhelmed by the many customers and in his stress he lets slip that he doesn't need money and that he only runs the restaurant for fun. When Fadel then also claims not to be rich, Style immediately finds it sus. Lucky for him, though, he won't make the right guess until later in the episode and so he manages to escape being prematurely murdered with a spatula. But Style doesn't know that.

Instead, Style just got a lot more intrigued by Fadel. This is one of those incidents that make Style want to get to know Fadel out of his own curiosity and not because he wants to help his friend and is getting his dream car as a reward. Style is starting to take a genuine interest in Fadel as a person and his positive feelings towards Fadel grow.

No. 7: First Bites

When Fadel wordlessly hands Style the burger it's the first time that Fadel is actively reaching out to him. Reaching out to him in a friendly manner that is, not to ambush him in a dark locker room and start a fight. And Style is absolutely delighted that Fadel is finally taking a step towards him instead of walking away from him like he usually does. And Style being Style, he of course has to immediately make a big deal out of it: "Are you finally folding? Was it because of how hard working I am? You like me now, don’t you?"

Actually, I wanna take a little detour to the language side of things again. The English translation has a question tag only on the last sentence, but in Thai Style actually uses question words that give a sense of "right?" or "isn't that so?" at the end of every single one of these questions.

นี่มึงเปิดใจให้กูแล้วใช่ป่ะ [nêe - mueng - bpèrt - jai - hâi - guu - láew - châi bpà] [interjection] - you - open - heart, mind - to, for - I/me - already - right?

I actually really like the expression he uses in Thai: he says เปิดใจ [bpèrt jai] which consists of the words "(to) open" (เปิด) and "heart, mind" (ใจ). To me, that gives me the feeling of Style not just asking Did I manage to win you over? but more of a feeling of You are finally opening (your heart) up to me, right? You are finally letting me in? which I think is a much nicer image in regard to Fadel's character and Fadel and Style's relationship.

มึงเห็นความขยันความตั้งใจกูแล้วใช่ไหมล่ะ [mueng - hĕn - kwaam kà-yăn - kwaam dtâng jai - guu - láew - châi măi - lâ] you - see - diligence - intention, determination - I/my - already - right? - [particle]

I don't know if others feel the same way, but in the English translation the "hard working" part mostly makes me think of Style working hard with helping at the restaurant before this conversation. A more literal translation of what he says in Thai would be "You've seen my diligence and determination, haven't you?" and I'm sure he's actually more referring to his determination and relentless efforts in getting close to Fadel.

I just really like the way Style phrases all his questions here in Thai. Fadel has enclosed his heart deep within him in very thick and high walls and no one gets access to it. And Style's task isn't that he has to get Fadel to simply just fold to him, surrender to him, but what he actually needs to do is to search for a way to reach Fadel's heart. His options are either to tear down Fadel's walls by sheer force or to somehow get Fadel to trust him so much that Fadel will willingly unlock and open up the doors leading to the depths of his heart. And it's like Style is asking You're finally letting me in, right? You're finally recognizing my diligent efforts to reach you, right? You no longer hate me, right? You like me now, don't you?

And I don't think Style is necessarily flirting here and means to ask if Fadel likes him romantically. On the surface, yes, he is definitely also asking if the flirting (attempts) have worked and if Fadel is starting to fall for him. But I think a lot of this is also about how he has on multiple occasion now tried to form a genuine connection with Fadel. Just in this episode alone we can see it in the way he asks Fadel if he likes heavy metal at the heavy metal bar and then tries to get him to socialize, tries to include him. We can see it the entire time at the restaurant just now where he's voluntarily helping because he genuinely cares. There are even more instances in the first two episodes, which I talk about in my first meta post of this meta series. Style has tried to bond with Fadel multiple times now but Fadel has always blocked his attempts and I think a big part of Style also wants to know if Fadel is finally starting to have at least friendly feelings towards Style. That Style is finally going from being an annoying presence in Fadel's life to being a pleasant presence in his life.

But Fadel shoots him down. "Don't get your hopes up. This is your wage." (Fun fact: in Thai Fadel actually tells Style not to เวอร์ [wer], which is a slang word coming from the English word "over" and, if I remember my Thai friend's explanation from a month ago correctly, is used to indicate that what someone is doing/saying is "too much", so what Fadel says here could be taken as "don't exaggerate" or "don't be so overly dramatic" or "don't be so hyped")

Style immediately complains that the burger is too little of a wage, but also won't let Fadel take it away from him again, insisting on eating it anyway. It might not be much of a wage, but that burger is important to Style. When Fadel sends him home, Style dramatically laments being exploited and thrown away. I think this is yet another one of Style's attempt to get some friendly banter out of Fadel. But Fadel isn't having it. Fadel makes it clear that he wants Style gone asap and Style is annoyed that Fadel keeps making him leave. I think Style is genuinely enjoying hanging out with Fadel at the burger joint and also genuinely wants to stay. His positive feelings continue to develop.

Special shout-out also to the way Style loudly goes "Mmh! Mmmh!!" while chomping down on the burger to make sure Fadel knows exactly how much he's enjoying Fadel's food. Which isn't just food in this instance, no, the burger also stands for an unspoken thank you for helping me and symbolizes the first time Fadel has actively reached out to Style on his own and done a nice thing for him. Style is making sure Fadel won't miss just how much he appreciates this gesture.

No. 8: A Fly on the Wall

Oh, how desperately I wish we knew at which point of the conversation between the brothers Style came in exactly! This is going to drive me insane, because I have no idea just how much of the conversation Style overheard, which unfortunately is important information for the interpretation of his interactions with Fadel from this point on. Most of all I really NEED to know if Style happened to hear this specific line:

Fun fact: in Thai he doesn't actually say "you wanted to rely on" but he says (ที่)มึงจะไปอยู่ด้วย [(thêe) - mueng - jà - bpai - yòo - dûuay] which should translate to something like "(that) you were gonna be with" or "were gonna live with" (disclaimer: I didn't double-check this with a native speaker) which sounds much more like a serious relationship to me rather than when phrased as "dude you wanted to rely on". And we'll get the confirmation of an ex-boyfriend later in the episode.

Now the question is: DOES STYLE KNOW ABOUT THE EX-BOYFRIEND NOW?? DOES HE KNOW FADEL WAS IN LOVE BEFORE?? PLEASEEE I NEED TO KNOW 😭😭😭

In my quest to find an answer to these questions I did come across a strange background noise that comes right after this line, though. A background noise that could very well be interpreted as Style sliding open the door. So for the sake of my own sanity I'll go with Style only having heard this part of the conversation for sure:

F: Why did you bring this up? K: I just want you to tell your brother how pipe dreams always end. In this line of profession, no one waits for you.

This is yet another incident that gets Style genuinely curious about Fadel, about who he is exactly. Style will certainly be wondering about what that profession is from now on. And he will certainly be wondering about what that profession could be after he watches Fadel beat up three grown men like it's nothing. And he won't know that he will have hit jackpot with his guess.

No. 9: Private Show

Where the masturbation scene from episode 2 confirms that Fadel feels genuine physical/sexual attraction to Style, this scene confirms that the feeling is mutual on Style's side of things as well. Style, too, finds Fadel's body hot. What's more, he never stops looking at Fadel. And not just at his body, but throughout his fantasy, Style is always searching for Fadel's eyes. In fact, he rarely takes his own eyes off of Fadel's face, and when Style does direct his eyes somewhere else it's always only for a very short moment. I think this once again shows that Style desires an emotional connection next to a physical one as well. Sex isn't just sex to Style, he wants more with it.

It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul, so another reason for the intense eye contact could be that Style also wants to stare deep into Fadel's soul to get to know him better in a quest to find answers to who this mysterious person really is. Because by now Style is genuinely curious. He has genuinely started to care.

Remember how I mentioned that arguments could be made for Style actually liking being pursued more than doing the pursuing and that I would get into this later? Later is now.

At this point I want to plug @clemelntine's extremely interesting perspective on the two sexual fantasies that we've gotten so far and what that means for the storage room hook-up. I'm not gonna reiterate everything, but I do want to pick up on what she says about Style specifically:

No matter how much he annoys Fadel in the day to day and how much he seems to take the upperhand in those interactions, when it comes to sex he likes in the idea of letting Fadel do what he does/wants.

In Style's own fantasy, Style is sitting back, he's letting Fadel take the reins, do the work. This is also in line with @secriden's excellent meta on Style's true desire being to be pursued, which I also really encourage you to read. Again, I won't repeat the entire post, but she highlights how Style will downright create opportunities for Fadel to lay his hands on him and how "every single time Fadel even shows a HINT of wanting Style, he immediately falls pliant, like he can't wait to let Fadel take the reins" (quoted from @secriden). And we see this desire in the fantasy too. Style imagines Fadel being the active one while Style gets to sit there and enjoy. Our little attention hoe here likes it when people are actively after him.

I was struggling to really make sense of Style this episode. In the first two episodes, whenever Style was being annoying there would be some sort of trigger for it. I was confused especially in the beginning of this episode, because I didn't understand how and why Style would go from trying to genuinely bond with Fadel at the heavy metal bar to being annoying at the running track and at the market when nothing seemed to have triggered it. I could tell Style was being annoying on the sports field and at the market, but I really couldn't figure out the "but why?" of it all. But if we look at his behavior through the lens of "Style actually prefers being pursued over doing the pursuing", I think it makes more sense. Style prefers for others to put in the effort of pursuing and now that he's forced to do the pursuing himself he doesn't really know how to go about it, especially when the person he's trying to woo has walls high up to the sky and continuously shoots him down. Style shows up and drops flirty lines but he doesn't even really mean them because he doesn't actually want to do the pursuing. The inauthenticity in his insistent approach is what makes him annoying in those scenes. And it's also not what works on Fadel – it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, like when he was helping him wait tables (which Fadel recognizes by rewarding him with a burger) or when Style was being playfully flirty in the sauna (which results in Fadel fantasizing about him at night).

No. 10: Mark Style Down As Scared AND Horny

We will later learn that Style doesn't believe Fadel about needing more money for the restaurant and was just acting stupid to gain Fadel's trust, but when I first sat down to take notes for my meta I wasn't sure if Style was being entirely accurate/truthful when he said this, since he witnessed Fadel taking on three grown men only after that whole conversation about the restaurant. So why would he feel a need to gain Fadel's trust before that? At first I thought that maybe Style did believe Fadel for a moment there, especially also because he presented Fadel with an excuse as to why he was working there right away and then also sounded a bit too sincere when he offered support to Fadel. However, on second thought I'm now thinking that maybe he really does distrust Fadel's claims from the start.

Outside the host club Style approaches Fadel and I don't think it's with the motivation to flirt with him but rather to find out why exactly Fadel would be here stripping for some ladies. It's a bit odd that he immediately offers Fadel an out of "You need the money for your restaurant, right?" when he's trying to get answers, but maybe this clumsy approach at digging for answer is already part of Style playing dumb on purpose to gain Fadel's trust. But why would he need to gain Fadel's trust when he hasn't even seen yet what Fadel is really capable of?

While it is true that up until the "why are you working as a stripper" conversation Style hasn't witnessed the real danger that Fadel poses, there've still been enough incidents to make him suspicious of Fadel. It already starts right during their first meeting when Fadel won't let Style get near his car. That's weird, Style finds it weird. Next thing Style knows is that Fadel also doesn't have any papers for said car which is very odd again. In episode 2 Style gets a little hint of Fadel's dangerous side when Fadel ambushes him in the locker room. In episode 3 he learns that Fadel opened the burger place just for fun rather than to earn money and that apparently Fadel isn't rich and yet somehow still has the resources and the time to run a whole restaurant for fun. Shortly after that he (likely) overhears something about a "profession" which clearly can't refer to the profession of being a burger joint owner. Style has enough reasons to be suspicious of Fadel, even before he witnesses Fadel's badass fighting skills. Style has reasons to gain Fadel's trust and to stay on his good side, especially since Style himself is hiding ulterior motives and can't risk Fadel getting suspicious of his own true intentions. So Style plays dumb, offers Fadel an out, and when Fadel takes that out Style raises his eyebrows and hesitates for a moment like Oh, okay. We're going with the lie, then, before he offers Fadel support.

The conversation gets interrupted by those three men looking for a fight and for the first time Style gets to see just how dangerous Fadel can get when he wants to. This is where Style truly realizes that something really is very, very OFF about Fadel. It's no longer a joke or a gut feeling, no, this is confirmation that something here is incredibly shady. And Style wants to get to the bottom of it.

No. 11: Hit by Apollo's Ball of Prophecy

There've been a few incidents that got Style curious about who Fadel really is behind his thick walls and his tough exterior, a few incidents that got Style curious about Fadel's lore. But watching Fadel take on three grown man without any major problems and having them run away in fear was the last straw. Style's motivations officially change. Getting Kant's car is less important now than finding out the truth about Fadel. Style definitely exaggerates a bit when he says that Fadel must be some kind of hitman, is being dramatic as usual. It won't be much longer until Style finds out that Apollo has actually hit him with the gift of prophecy.

No. 12: Rise Up

Style is determined to find out more about Fadel's life and promptly shows up at yet another location he knows Fadel will be at. I'm not sure Style was aware this meeting was gonna be about grief and loss before he arrived and saw the sign. At least from the notebook it's hard to tell because the drawing only shows a group of people sitting in a circle of chairs with the caption "rise up". That could really be about anything. For me personally, my first association (especially in combination with the words "rise up") would be a Christian bible study group, although I doubt that Style, having been raised in a predominantly Buddhist country, would necessarily have this specific association with that image and those words, too. Point still stands that nothing about this image strictly points to loss specifically. (Technically we could say that since there's no address in the notebook, Style might have googled "rise up" in order to figure out where to go and seen on the website that it was a meeting for grief and loss. However, as we didn't actually get to see Style do any research and find this information, I'm just gonna run on the assumption that he genuinely didn't know and that maybe he got the address via Bison or something. Or maybe he actively stalked and followed Fadel, idk.)

Style stops in front of the sign, double-checks that he's at the right place, and then nods in determination, kinda like alright, let's do this, then, before he enters.

Another reason why I don't think Style was aware what this group meeting was gonna be about before he arrived is the way he's kinda confused when the group leader asks him to tell his story. The group leader elaborates ("Something you’ve lost, or the changing point in your life.") and Style, who was looking at the group leader while listening to his explanation, turns his head to look at Fadel right after the group leader says the word จุดเปลี่ยน [jùt bplìian] (= changing point). He stares at Fadel as if he's wondering Did he lose something? Was there a changing point in his life?

Style can't dwell on it for too long, though, because he has just been asked a question and now needs to come up with a cover story.

And this is where Style really starts to get out of line. He dishes out a story about some dog, which I don't really want to get into right now since at the point of me writing this we're only 4 episodes into the series and who knows, something might as well happen later down the line that could recontextualize Style's story (looking at you, Boonterm mention! 👀), but I think it's safe to say that Style isn't too involved in his story emotionally. When he cries, the crying is cringe and it's NOT because Dunk is a bad actor (far from it!!) but rather it's because Style the character isn't taking himself seriously here. This is also highlighted in the smug look and nod he shoots Fadel in the middle of his crying performance:

His behavior is very disrespectful, but I don't think he's being disrespectful on purpose. I think this is another one of his idiot boy moments where he is just really fucking stupid. Style is impulsive and doesn't think things through a lot and I think in this scene he is also so absorbed in his goal of getting to the bottom of Fadel and his mysteries that his tunnel vision on his goal prevents him from realizing the effect his actions can have on those around him, the consequences his behavior could bring. We saw it before that Style sometimes doesn't see things as much of a big deal as they actually are when he doesn't think much of texting while driving (as elaborated in my ep1 meta). Besides, his behavior has worked out pretty well for him all episode, with the worst consequence being Fadel simply just walking away from him, and Style even got to celebrate small victories like when Fadel made him a burger. So why would Style be changing his behavior now? There is no reason for Style to act differently, and so he continues to bug Fadel as usual and it genuinely doesn't occur to him that his behavior could be disrespectful or out of line.

Maybe if Style had had more time to dwell on the thought of Is Fadel here because he's lost someone? he might have realized that the situation was a lot more serious than he had originally thought and that his words/actions were gonna be out of line and that he shouldn't have been doing this, but alas that is not what happened. He didn't have the time and so he immediately gets distracted fabricating an elaborate story to answer the group leader's question and doesn't spend a single one of his brain cells thinking about his behavior and its consequences. He will soon learn about the consequences, though, because Fadel is seriously pissed now.

No. 13: Giving You What You Want (But Is It?)

Fadel is pissed and goes to confront Style in the privacy of a random storage room. Style is obviously lying to Fadel through his teeth. I do think there's some truth to it when Style says "I have my own problems. You’re not the only one" but whatever problems in life Style currently has (especially if there's anything connected to loss and grief), these problem's really aren't at the forefront of his mind right now. We know for a fact that Style is lying when he explains that he found the support group via the internet, that meeting Fadel was a coincidence and Fadel doesn't buy it either. What we, the audience, also know but what Fadel doesn't necessarily guess is that Style is also lying about how he is hitting on Fadel because he likes him and because he wants him. "Nothing more than that" he says, but as the audience we know that this is also bullshit because we know he was specifically sent by Kant and that a car is waiting for Style when he succeeds. What we also know, though, is that Style is definitely physically/sexually attracted to Fadel, so when Fadel offers to hook up with him, who is Style to say no?

I think this nc scene surprised a lot of us because it didn't go the way most of us were expecting it to go. As has already been pointed out in various posts by various people, Style is surprisingly passive during the entire act (at least, that we get to see). They have next to no eye contact, Style doesn't initiate a single kiss and barely touches Fadel except to hold him and to run his hand through Fadel's hair. But why is that?

Many a thing has already been said about this scene and about the characters' motivations and I don't think there is one specific interpretation that is the One Truth. I think many truths exist in this scene at the same time and there are many factors as to why the characters were acting the way they were acting. Emotions are complicated and sometimes you can have many of them simultaneously.

An interpretation that I haven't seen floating around yet is that part of Style's passiveness could also stem from the fact that he was caught off-guard. I don't think he was expecting Fadel to go Alright fine, have me, then. In fact, I think when Style told Fadel "I like you" and "I want you" those were mainly empty words again. Because this time he didn't seek out one of Fadel's usual places in order to to hit on him, but because he wants to find out the truth about Fadel, wants to figure out the reason why Fadel is so shady. But then he ended up pissing Fadel off who then promptly started a fight with him and Style needed to cover up his own intentions when he threw those words into Fadel's face. Style says "I want you", but he doesn't actually mean it in that moment and his actions do not reflect the I want to bang you sentiment at all either. We've all seen the sauna scene, we know how Style behaves when he actually wants to get into Fadel's towel pants. And this isn't it. So when Fadel suddenly and uncharacteristically does let Style get into his pants gets into Style's pants, I think that throws Style off and he momentarily doesn't know how to respond to the situation.

Plus, as @nnnn99999 writes in her meta, there is also the emotional disconnect. At this point of the story, neither of them is in love with the other just yet. Yes, there is mutual physical attraction and yes, by now Style has taken an interest in Fadel beyond the car, has started to develop positive feelings for Fadel and has at times actively enjoyed interacting with Fadel, but they still have their own motives and intentions and emotionally they simply just aren't quite on the same page yet. Style desires both body and heart, but both of their hearts simply aren't properly in it just yet. I don't think Style minds hooking up, he's definitely consenting to it and also enjoying it, but it's just not quite what Style dreams of, not like this. In a way, yes, it actually is what Style has dreamed of because his fantasies of Fadel doing things to him rather than him doing things to Fadel are now becoming reality, as @clemelntine beautifully explained in her meta, but in the real situation there's one important detail missing from Style's fantasy: the intense eye contact. In addition to Fadel's body, Style also wants that emotional connection. We've seen this times and times again whenever Style has tried to make friends as well as to genuinely bond with Fadel, and this desire extends also to the sex.

And lastly I want to leave you with @braceletofteeth's excellent tags on this post, which is something that I think also factors into why Style goes from being proactive to being passive in the blink of an eye:

#Fadel said he would give himself to Style #and Style let him do that #he barely touched Fadel except to hold him and caress his hair #he reciprocated the kisses but did not initiate them #he didn't try to take any more of Fadel than what Fadel willingly gave him #[head in hands]

During the entire nc part I kind of get the sense like Style is waiting. Waiting to see with a certain curiosity what Fadel will be doing next, what Fadel wants to do next, ready to happily take up whatever Fadel offers. Style is letting Fadel control the situation completely and doesn't push him once.

No. 14: Kiss or Slap?

Once again we see that Style isn't too much of a fan of casual hook-ups. And while I do think part of his motivations for saying the things he says and for trying to stop Fadel from abandoning him again is because making Fadel his boyfriend specifically rather than just hooking up with him is his goal here after all, but I do think that Style isn't lying this time. He's just a bit too annoyed when he asks "What kind of man do you take me for?" for it to be an act. I think he is genuinely offended that Fadel would think of him this way. And I think he's genuinely a little upset and hurt that Fadel is perfectly happy to sleep with him and to ditch him immediately after. We get foreshadowing to Style being very much Team Anti Hit-and-Run in episode 1 when he tells Fadel "It ain’t like me to hit and run" in the context of an actual car crash and earlier this episode when he laments "Oh, the nature of man. He will exploit you and then throw you away". Style is very much not happy with this turn of events and it's not purely because he hasn't yet completed the mission Kant has sent him on. We also get another hint of Style looking for a connection in his hook-ups in the way Style is looking at Fadel when they're getting dressed while in contrast Fadel has turned his back to Style completely, avoiding eye contact and avoiding any interaction:

Another thing that I want to point out is that Fadel says "I gave you what you wanted" and "We agreed on it" when Style tries to stop him from leaving. However, they didn't exactly agree on anything? Fadel started kissing Style before they could even come up with any terms and conditions and the thing is when Style said he wanted Fadel, he never said he wanted Fadel only once. And he also never said he wanted Fadel to run away immediately afterwards.

So Style puts up a fight. He firmly stands between Fadel and the door, blocking Fadel's way. Fadel threatens to punch Style if he doesn't move but Style refuses to stand down even though he knows very well from personally witnessing it that Fadel is perfectly capable of punching him if he wished to. Despite that, Style is not scared of Fadel. I think Style takes Fadel's sudden willingness to sleep with him as a sign that Fadel has finally developed some sort of positive feelings towards Style after all, too. And Style is confident enough about it that he trusts that Fadel wouldn't hurt him. When Style says "You like me" I don't think he necessarily means it in the sense of you're in love with me or you're crushing on me. I think he's calling out Fadel's change of heart (that is negative feelings turning into positive feelings) and is making it very clear just how confident he is about Fadel not hurting him. I'm not scared of you. I've become a positive presence in your life now. You wouldn't dare to injure me. It's a counterattack to Fadel's threat. But Fadel's trauma runs deep. And so he punches Style because giving him a bit of a beating is still better than risking to face the consequences of what might happen if he lets anyone get behind those thick high walls. And he punches Style also a little bit to put him in line for his cockiness.

And also, I may be a Style apologist and a Style enabler, but after that shit Style pulled at the group meeting that punch was totally deserved.

Please don't expect me to write a proper conclusion bc my brain is absolutely fried now bye <3

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bestie Deficiency

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[withthewindinherfootsteps]

Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three

For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative

When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.

This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?

This is where we get unhinged.

Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).

To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.

This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.

In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!

Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!

Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation

Which, of course, is him dwelling on…

Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation

…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:

He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation

And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:

Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him.  (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation 

Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:

“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR

Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.

Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:

At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR

Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!

So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.

This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!

And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.

But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?

At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts

In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.

It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.

(Or, if an image would be preferable:)

Thank you for reading!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!