#Academic anxiety

[mademoisellefantasy]

I NEED YOUR HELP!

I am doing my college dissertation right now and I'm supposed to survey over 200 people… my questionnaire currently stands at 21 respondents… *curls in a ball of panic and dies inside*

So, PLEASE PLEASE respond to, reblog, and share the following link:

It's for men (cis and trans) between the ages of 20-30 years old, so if you belong in this age group, you know people in real life, or you have tumblr mutuals that could answer it, it'd be SO SO SO helpful!

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!

[vaticinatrix]

y'all ever see an exam question and realize that you have no idea what you're doing, so better do it quick

[fairy-switchblade]

Another life update (quick but sad, tw: breakups, intrusive thoughts, su*c*dal ideation, and academic anxiety)

A note to those who are reading this who are worried, do not call the police, I am safe, those around me are safe, I have made no active plans. Thank you for looking out for others. Sorry for giving you a heart attack.

Now that’s out of the way. I went through a breakup recently, and I am single again. Since I’ve mentioned my butch a couple of times on this blog, it felt off not to say anything. However this happened a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to give myself a grace period to process everything.

The combined stressors of that happening, plus getting started on writing my masters dissertation, plus looking into PhD options and trying to access a pathway to study at Oxford (which I am fully aware is going to be a Goliath of a task despite my academic record, my area of interest is interdisciplinary and niche as all hell, also money) has lead to a mental health maelstrom.

I deal with intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. I also really struggle with having a healthy relationship with academics. My mindset since I decided to pursue this PhD has been “I must do this exact topic, and I must do it at Oxford, and I must do it in my 20s. If I do not manage to do this, I will commit su*c*de.” I quite literally can’t not succeed at this, life without it is a gaping void. I wish I was exaggerating. And it’s horrible, y’know, cause academia can be wonderful and exciting, and I love and am excited by what I study. The problem is that I love it so much, it kind of hurts. And if I can’t have it, I don’t know how I’m going to keep going, genuinely. That scares the hell out of me.

I wish I didn’t feel so much. I wish I didn’t always have to take things to extremes. I wish I wasn’t so intense. I wish I wasn’t always such an ‘all or nothing’ person. I wish I understood so many things. I wish I understood why I don’t feel good enough. I wish I understood why I can’t just try hard, I have to try my very hardest, at everything. And I wish I understood why when that fails, it feels like a kind of death. I wish I wasn’t as lonely. I wish that had less to do with being femme for me that it actually does. And it does, because performative femininity is just another thing I have to do perfectly. Whatever that means.

I’m sharing all of this not just because I’m an over-sharer generally, but because I have a gut feeling that someone else is also feel kind of ‘Betty Friedan’ this evening, and needs a mirror. And a hug. Please? I really need a hug.

[worldsworstfemale]

this is all because of that fucking paper btw

[trustbehavioralhealthcareserv]

Feeling the weight of academic demands can often stir up anxiety among students and professionals. It’s not just about hitting the books or taking exams; it’s about balancing those challenges with your mental well-being. That’s where the role of psychiatric care comes into play. It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution; it’s a personalized journey toward understanding and managing your anxiety.

[hephaestusshield]

anxiety. anxiety feels more like a biiig heavy rock on your chest. you try to breathe, but it's quietly impossible. your only thoughts are blurred, you can't think rational, everything is your enemy. it's impossible to stand and you feel lonely, but not in the normal way. you think you are the only person who can hear you. you are screaming on the inside, and sit still on the outside. that is what anxiety feels like for me.

[mademoisellefantasy]

Anybody else just swamped with assignments?

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

[selenepluto]

[ensigntilly]

culmets officially confirmed to be married in star trek discovery s5 i just collapsed onto the floor

[anglerflsh]

forever scarred by the fact other countries don't do spoken tests. Like at all. Not even in college. You didn't get called at random in front of the entire class to be interrogated on a subject? You didn't have your grade announced to everyone? Not even once? You didn't experience the slithering joy at being interrogated with someone else who knew less than you, knowing that after they failed to answer your correct answer would look even better? Deranged to me. Absolutely insane.

[vermillioncrown]

i can't talk about specifics bc too detailed, but tldr:

everyone started off w saying the presentation was good

my advisor actually called my presentation "immaculate"

answered every question to the point we had off-the-books (not for corrections, but for curiosity) discussion

holy fucking shit i was standing for three hours straight (1 h 50 m non-stop verm infodump lmao, then 1 h of closed questioning, and then another 10-20 m of committee deliberation)

(to put into scope: defense presentations should aim to be 60-75 mins at most and 15 min questions)

(everyone agreed it actually needed the whole time bc of the sheer scale of the work)

the committee all agreed that the work is a very big contribution w immense practicality to the field

i just need to finish the document, add their suggested corrections, and that's fucking it 😎😎😎😎😎

=====

what does that mean for fanfic?

well. i need to prioritize my corrections bc uh lol my job deadline is by the end of the month

but i think i'll have enough bandwidth to be creative again, so likely i'll be writing and noodling as i make those corrections, so no promises but we'll see if anything gets posted

[teapot-studies]

*recieves an email notification * me, to myself: “i must not fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face-“

[solpadeinedelusions]

10/100 days of productivity: 18/09/2024

today:

woke up earlier to study biology

did polish hw

studied biology again

[apixieindreamland]

"Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry."

-Dale Carnegie

[dramatic-dolphin]

if i don't see the email it can't hurt me (<- guy who is about to be hurt by the email)