#Absolutely insane as I am working on my finals
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I've been editing this write-up for literal weeks now and I still feel like I can't get in everything that I want to convey, but I'll try.
It's officially been one year since I stayed up ALL night (like, til 10-11 AM) editing this, my very first full-length music video. All in one sitting. To most, it's probably just a regular character edit or fan-made music video. To me, it's something else. It's catharsis, love and and an explosive expression of myself. To this day, I still can't quite explain what I went through when I was making this. I had just heard this song for the very first time about 24 hours prior and I immediately knew I had to make this music video. I listened to the song, and immediately thought of Charlie. I knew I had to make this. When it was done, I broke down crying and didn't stop for about 2 hours. I came to a lot of conclusions about myself and my life and I had never felt simultaneously more vulnerable and more accepting of myself.
I was crying, partially, because I realized that I was feeling real, genuine love for this fictional character who had been living quietly inside of me and influencing me for years and years. Which is an insane and crazy thing to say. And at first, I felt shame, because I knew it was crazy, and also because it made me realize I had never romantically loved another human being before, and certainly not to this extent. This revelation first made me feel scared, isolated and embarrassed. I thought it was really sad that I was only able to feel this way, feel this level of understanding and love for someone who would never exist and who could never hurt me. I thought I had matured past that way of thinking. It was embarrassing to know that I could spend hours upon hours crying and expelling all my emotional energy just trying to craft a love letter to someone who could never reciprocate because they quite literally have never existed.
But then I realized that it felt right. I had spent my life with all this pent-up energy and love and emotion and I kept putting it in all the wrong places. Nothing seemed to work for years and I felt disconnected from most of society. I realized that night that it was my own doing. I had been hurt and beat down so many times that I detached myself entirely. I repressed my passions that others dismissed as frivolous, I refused to acknowledge or show my feelings or admit to others how I felt about them and I lived a life that I was absolutely miserable in due to fear of being embarrassed, made fun of, or alienated.
In my fear of becoming alienated, I had alienated myself.
And for the first time in years, things made sense. Through rewatching this movie, through seeing this character again, my eyes were opened. I don't know why or how, but through loving Charlie I started the long and arduous process of loving myself. I saw parts of myself in him and his journey, parts that I had been repressing for years and years. And I saw parts of myself that I wanted to be in this character. I was seeing clearly for the first time.
And somehow, through this movie, this character, through crafting this love letter set to lyrics that I wish I could tell him to his face, I found myself. I realized I didn't need to pretend to be someone else anymore. I realized that by trying to be what everyone else wanted to be, I was making myself miserable and further isolating myself. I realized that I finally wanted to be myself, whoever that is, for the first time in years. It seems like an extremely obvious conclusion to make, but for some reason it took me seeing Charlie for the first time in ten years to really, truly realize it. It also made me realize that through the process of connecting with myself instead of running from it, it would become easier for me to connect with others around me too. I've become much more emotionally open and even braver when it comes to other people. I've done things I would have never done just a few years ago. I make connections with all sorts of new people constantly, and not online.
I still can't explain how sitting down and manically crafting a music video helped me come to all these conclusions that had been banging around in my head for a couple of months, but sometimes personal epiphanies come to us in unexpected ways I guess.
As ridiculous as it sounds, through Charlie Dalton, through loving him, I found and learned to love myself. And it doesn't matter that he isn't real, because the impact that he's had on me is very real, and personally I've stopped believing that it's cringe and now I think it's kind of beautiful. For years, I had convinced myself that I was incapable of love--giving and receiving. Through making this, I realized that I had plenty of love to give, I just didn't know where to put it. I poured all of it into this video. How beautiful to love something so much and have it change you.
Charlie Dalton - VIENNA
#anyway past me would have been so embarrassed to share this and bc of him i'm not embarrassed anymore. sorry#where's my fucking like. medium article. this should be published somewhere#also i'm adding all the OG tags. bc idgaf#dead poets society#charlie dalton#nuwanda#music video#fancam#billy joel#vienna#character edit#my edit#dps#dps edit#nuwanda edit#charlie dalton edit#gale hansen
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softly, sweetly
daisuke's there for you when you can't sleep.
daisuke (mouthwashing) x fem!reader, comfort/fluff, not exactly canon-compliant
“Daisuke…” You murmur, tapping his shoulder gently, “You awake?” “Hmm…? What is it?” His voice is hoarse, tinged with sleep as he wakes up. “Sorry…” You press your face into his back, his familiar scent washing over you and calming your nerves, but it clearly doesn’t work well enough, because barely a second passes before you’re sniffling. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?” The man rolls over to face you, his brown eyes flooding with concern. “I…” You look up at him and you don’t even know how to string your jumbled thoughts together into coherent sentences – are you all stuck here forever? Will you ever see your family again? Is this where you're going to die?
You finally settle on a broken “I want to go home…”, your eyes filling with a fresh wave of tears. Now you’re crying freely, desperately burying your face in his chest to muffle your sobs lest you wake the others. “Oh, baby…” The pet name slips past his lips accidentally as he cradles your face in his large hands, thumbs calloused from working under Swansea swiping away at your tears, “Shh… it’s okay, let it out.”
Finally, your sniffles turn to hiccups, and then you fall silent. “We’re going to get home, okay? Swansea’s working on getting the cryopods free, remember? By the time 20 years pass, we’ll be back home!” Daisuke does his best to comfort you, one hand wrapping around your waist to pull you impossibly closer and ground you with his warmth. His lips crack into a playful smile, “By then, you’ll be a granny~” That pulls a laugh out of you, “Shut up, you’re older than me. You’ll be a great-grandpa!” The two of you snicker quietly, shattering the tense silence in the room. The walls are awash in orange and red hues, painting a brilliant sunset on his features – he really is your sun.
Daisuke cups your cheek with one hand, and your eyes flutter shut as you nuzzle into his touch. It makes his breath catch in his throat, the absolute trust you place in him to be this vulnerable even as your life is up in the air – does he even deserve this? His free hand traces the contours of your face, learning every curve and dip and freckle, staring at you as if to commit your visage to memory. “Don’t stare,” you giggle softly as you open your eyes again. “I can’t help it…” His voice is almost breathless, “You’re so pretty.” A soft gasp escapes you, your cheeks heating up at his simple yet genuine compliment. He smiles, and his eyes are filled with adoration as his gaze sweeps over your features; you really are so beautiful. The gentle intimacy makes warmth blossom in your chest, and you envelope his hand with yours, turning your face ever so slightly to press a gentle kiss to his palm.
“A-ah?!” Daisuke's eyes widen, almost bugging out of his head, but then his expression softens into one so incredibly tender it feels criminal to witness this moment while the ship hangs frozen in space. Can it be right to love someone under such circumstances? Or is it love precisely because it persists despite the circumstances? He presses his lips to the top of your head, resting his chin there as you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck. “I’m glad you’re here, Daisuke,” you whisper, savouring the feeling of your body slotted against his, two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly as the world falls apart around them. “I’m so glad you’re here too,” He kisses the crown of your head once more, drawing circles on your lower back with his free hand, “Now go to sleep, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“You’ll always be there, won’t you?”
“I will, baby.”
( He lied. )
kira's notes ; first post on this acc yippee! and also first contribution to the mouthwashing fandom... i am so deeply obsessed w this man and this game it is Insane. my writing skills are vv rusty so plz bear with me while i get back into the swing of things,,, anyways i hope u liked this hehe <3
#[ yuzuvrse ]#( mouthwashing )#( daisuke )#mouthwashing x reader#daisuke x reader#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke mw#daisuke x you#daisuke x y/n
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The religious-sexual tension between the Inquisitor and Leliana was probably too powerful for BioWare to reasonably put in Inquisition, let's be honest. Leliana on her knees, seeking repentence from her Lady's Herald, with only firelight and starlight to hear her prayers...
#I am simply too big brain for BioWare#too strong in my hyperanalysis of Leliana and the Inquisitor's relationship#Absolutely insane as I am working on my finals#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#da#dai#leliana#leliana x inquisitor#inquisitor x leliana#dragon age leliana#dragon age the inquisitor#inquisitor trevelyan#inquisitor lavellan#inquisitor cadash#inquisitor adaar
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I am not dead! Hi! Have this sketch I made during the last 2 hours of class
#Was I supposed to pay attention? Yes#Which I did funnily enough#it is just really so much easier to pay attention when I'm sketching#especially with drawings like these with a lot of lines and etchings#Comfort Art Style basically#norman polk#the projectionist#batim#bendy and the ink machine#Is the drawing related to that one other projectionist drawing I have been trying to finish for months?#Maybe. Maybe#Listen my pc crashed while I was finally finishing up the part of the drawing that absolutely drove me crazy#And now I am back at the beginning. I am going insane. Still going to finish it tho#And I am also working on that AU Masterpost
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ooo okay this looks fun (and i am procrastinating like a bitch rn so...)
Hm, I'm not sure. Maybe The Naming of Hobbits by @andhumanslovedstories? It was one of the first fics I read when I got into using AO3 and I remember it giving me a good giggle. I really should go back and reread it. It must've been years since I've read it by now... And yet I still think of it fondly as 'that funny The Hobbit fic' so it clearly left a very good impression :)
So many. So many make me cry. I've reread Time Falls Away by @not-close-to-straight like three times I think? And each time the line 'I don't know this part of the story' has me UGLY SOBBING. Love it. Absolutely an amazing read. I still haven't worked my way up to the third fic in the series cause the emotions are still too strong rn, but I am very excited for whenever I finally do! I also gotta mention All Is Fair In Love by @stranger-awakening cause OH MY GOD nothing has ever hurt me like this fic hurt me. The pain. It just kept getting worse. It was so good but I needed frequent breaks when reading cause the emotions were So Much. I'm also just realising I never kudosed that fic and OMG I AM SO SORRY. I was too caught up in the throes of agony, I apologise!!
My comfort fic is definitely Petey and Wade discuss the proper way to go about vigilantism (and maybe they fall in love too) by @isadancurtisproduction. I have read that fic at least once a year since I first came across it. I love it so much, it's insane. It may even be my all time favourite fanfic
I am gonna have to say Rapture by mia_ugly on AO3. I read it out of morbid curiosity and I have not been the same since. This is the fic that introduced me to this type of time travel fics, where the time travel muddies the relationships and makes everything angsty and confusing and secretive. It is my FAVOURITE kind of angst and I have read multiple other fics with the same trope since. I adore them <3
Oh, 100% @sheena-is-a-punk-rocker. Since I read all your quinnflag fics and loved them so much I started on my own quinnflag wip. Started off thinking 'how would they have gotten together before The Suicide Squad?' like they are in your The Suicide Squad but Rick and Harley are already dating series (which is such a fun read and deserves all the love!!) and my wip has become its own thing from there :)
Lol I'm not the best authority for this since I do not read much fic for either of my main fandoms (sorry Stranger Things and The World of Mr Plant!) but I definitely think @kittyphoenix12-xx's work deserves so much more love. I need to read more of your fics, babes, cause the ones I have read are SO good. I TREASURE that cunningway fic you gifted to me, and getting to beta a couple of your works was such an honour. I especially loved the stars look down and know, cause it's so so sweet!!!
Good question... Commenting, I guess. That's the obvious answer. And I really need to work on it myself (and I'm trying!!) but we could always do with more commenting. Authors love seeing it so we need to do our part more (which is why I'm tagging the authors in this despite being a bit nervous about that lol, cause you guys deserve hearing how wonderful I think your fics are :) )
I really don't know. I don't like telling people not to do things cause I think that's just rude. Fanfic is for fun, and if you like doing something that someone else thinks there's too much of then fuck them! Have fun with it cause that's all that matters. I see people complaining about certain things from time to time and just think 'well... you could just... not?' Maybe that's what I wish there was less of in fandom: people feeling the need to make a fuss when they don't like something, cause most of the time when I see it it's over the most non-problem things.
Alternative Fic Recs
Fic recs are a great way to introduce people to stories you love. But instead of a list, you could try this format instead? I've tried it before and I really liked it, as it made me think about the fics I've read differently.
This isn't a tag game or an ask game. You can copy, repost, reblog, share and edit this at will if you're looking to do a fic rec :)
The fic that's made you laugh the most?
What's a fic that makes you cry?
Your fave comfort, silly fic?
The fic that made you try a genre or a trope you wouldn't normally read.
An author that's inspired your own fic writing (if you're an author), or your TBR list (if you're a reader).
Your fave "underdog" fics/authors in your fandom(s). Those that you feel are underappreciated and deserve some love.
What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did more of when it comes to fanfiction?
What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did less of when it comes to fanfiction?
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“All’s fair,” Todd claims, boyishly charming when he smiles like this - blatant, unashamed, unveiled, and Neil wants to treasure it, mark it in oil paints and hang it up to dry, to admire. Even amidst the frigid ends of February winter, he feels alight with warmth, with that of spring, of sunshine.
HAD to draw this part from where we lay our scene by @smoosnoom <3
#still reeling from this fic… I won’t be over it anytime soon but I HAD to get this out of my head or I was gonna go absolutely insane#u have to read it actually… my crops are watered. my skin is clear. my heart is full. and I am finally healed.#now hear me out. I know it’s February in the fic but it made sense in my brain for it to be lush and green bc the whole sunshine/warmth#thing neil says… idk. something something their love changes the seasons something something todd as sunshine melts the snow… idk.#work with me here#anderperry#dps#neil perry#todd anderson#neil x todd#neil and todd#dead poets society#dps fanart#dead poets fanart#dead poets society fandom#smoosnoom#moon <3#(decidedly not st/byler)#elijah art#carpe diem
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Now I'm just mad and that makes me sad. :/ I really do try incredibly hard not to hate things in this fandom, which doesn't always work out because, you know, feelings, and I don't want to think about hating things! I want to think about things I like!
#also I am exhausted because I had to proctor an exam at 8 am this morning#and the surface is for real dying this time which was REAL inconvenient#(light on the power cord keeps blinking but either the charger or the battery or both have been whack for while now)#(yes I bought a new computer but I was hoping to not have to set it up until AFTER finals)#plus I keep getting information overload on some job/work/school stuff#I am just very very tired#during the last few years of being a star war I hated nearly everything and it was an absolutely miserable fannish experience#I do not want to repeat it which is why if I think I'm going to hate something I simply do not watch it#honestly my greatest fannish achievements of the year have been realizing when I'm heading for a rage blackout and turning off the episode#(what if rewatch on the cc ep and secret invation)#but what if makes me insane in completely different ways except for The One Thing#(probs because it's so variable so I can't simply go 'not for bedlams!' and move on with my life like I did with si)#your girl#(also I realized that when s1 aired I legit have like. fannish ptsd. over the entire concept of 'the animation might become live action.'#I do not say that lightly but the scars from the star war run REAL deep. I still remember how bad my reaction to various articles was!)#I'm going to go for a walk and maybe buy some cupcakes
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status update on my mission to 100% and platinum yakuza 0: completion list is at 99.2% and would’ve been finished today if not for pool (carom/combo shots- i made enough money from it though) and batting. my most significant peaks today were probably beating both so and jo amon on the first try miraculously and at one point i got like 34 points in expert koikoi
#if anyone has any advice on pool or batting feel free to tell me because boy am I struggling#and I’m so……so close#oh forgot to mention it but I also did all the climax battles I can for the time being- so a little over half of them maybe?#cant do the rest til I go through the finale and all that#frothing at the fucking mouth . I am so. CLOSE#y0#rambling#I think I actually like koikoi a little better than oichi kabu ngl. but maybe im just saying that cause I got lucky with koikoi#I do think I’m genuinely okay at it cause like I started to memorize the high point cards and the main hands (especially the high point#but still doable ones like moon viewing and boar/deer/butterfly) and yea worked towards those with my Choices#but still I wouldn’t say I’m Great at it either#not as confident with it as I am with mahjong#but no shit. I played mahjong for like three days straight where as koikoi I maybe spent two or three hours total on#eh actually maybe more like 1-2 hours. took me way less time than oichi kabu#anyway. very very close to 100% completion but still got a bit to go til I can platinum the game since I gotta#go back and do the main story again on legend mode and all that#the finale won’t take long considering I’m crazy maxed out in stats and weapons and all that but going through on legend mode + the rest#of the climax battles will probably be a bit more intensive#really honestly impressed with myself on the Amon fights. like. a month ago I would absolutely assume I’d have to have my friend do those#fights for me cause they’re fucking insane and both have 14 health bars or something like that. but I’ve grown. I’ve learned. i best them#MYSELF. and on HARD at that. very glad I did a ton of shit at the coliseum cause that helped train up for the Amons a Lot.#ok time to shut up and sleep
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tristamp s2 confirmed AND timeskip p much confirmed ??? if im readin mutos tweet on twt right & timeskip (n tristamp s1 at least being like... kind of a prequel?? Idk what else to call it) is confirmed everything abt s1 will finally make a little more sense to me lmao.
#i am now fully and 100% convinced the pacing was fucking insanely fast bc they just wanted to get all of the set up out of the way for the#timeskip. which unfortunately affected my investment but knowinf it was probably intentional to build up to smthn gives me a lil more hope#for this series... some changes still make absolutely 0 sense to me (even just the concept of a prequel esque route for trigun in GENERAL#confuses me bc it just rlly doesnt seem like something that works for it but! we'll see!) but ill continue to just. try my best 2 b open#i just PRAY AND HOPE this means vash will finally fucking get literally any character since theyre def gonna b having him#develop more into his og self. like they HAVE to be what else would they b doin wit him. if they continue to make him so one-note after s1#idk what ill do lol#im still just skeptical on him as a whole bc it feels like theyve Already Missed So Much for him but. ILL HOLD OUT HOPE FOR NOW!!!
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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#I swear if (1) more person asks me how recovery is going or how i am#i will literally fucking lose it oh my god#i have literally burst into tears so many times this week and last because the thought of going back to work?#especially to a job I don't like any more??? and one with a toxic environment???#and a commute that is finally starting to take a toll on me??#is literally making me so anxious and driving me absolutely insane#there's only so much i can handle and i think i've finally hit my breaking point#i finally cleaned up my resume & have applied to three different jobs so far#and applied to school & just waiting for the actual program application period to begin#god i fucking hope i get in i'm so done with being a fucking lvn since there's like no opportunities to do other things#i'm just so... tired and emotional#i need to be held#literally cried while typing this 🤪#sierra speaks#tbd
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teehee new oc insert fic coming this week :3
#maybe tomorrow? but i have Got to work on my finals#so. more likely monday. tuesday at the absolute latest#went insane over nsbu ep2 and went. well how am i going to get my girlie in there#reese’s pieces
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I don’t think y’all will ever understand how much it soothes my very emotionally neglected and abused inner child that you guys actually want to spend time with me. And one of you lights up like a kid on christmas morning, who also happened to be the first person to see an adhd/cptsd reaction slip out of me and not instantly treat me with disgust then isolation or harassment or lecturing in every sequential interaction following that.
Just. You have NO Idea.
(If you do…ouch. I hate it you dealt with that, too.)
#tiger’s roar#i am…trying to play it cool#that I’m finally gonna be reunited with this friend after the absolute bullshit but also healing work I had to endure#because others just. wouldn’t leave us alone#and also their own wounds and situation#it’s something I already know others would not have put up with#…but I had to work on social exposure work and my attachment style#I did actually have a therapist spotting me.#and well. it really does seem like they need me to heal and grow to some degree like I need them#and well…the attraction/affection’s kinda…always been obvious. as much as the confusion about it hurt and others Not Leaving It Alone#made it hurt SO much worse. I will never again be ‘nice’ and subtle. I am done. I will be direct. fawning doesn’t get me left alone#turns out I’d rather flee or fight because I am SICK of this#but the mutual respect and for whatever INSANE reason the endurance has Also been obvious#and well. I don’t mind the respect being commented on so much.#but let us work out the rest.
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backstage bukakke with ateez ♡
a/n: is anyone in need of post coachella performance brainrot?? :33 and if any of you were wondering,, no i’m not okay 🙂↔️🫶🏼 without further ado, here’s a LOT more backstage debauchery (like i went insane….i should be in a padded cell rn….) except this time san brought the whole crew to help drown you in cum <333 enjoy the meal my dears bc i can never show my face in public again after this 😭😭
w.c: 2.4k
warnings: alcohol use, subby fem manager! reader, free use, domteez, gangbang, who’s the biggest menace here? that’s for you to decide 🫵🏼, this is just complete filth btw,, dirty talk, degradation/praise, pet names/name calling, so much cum….., yungi confirm the big cock allegations, hongjoong might have a captain kink idk, double penetration, anal, implied sloppy seconds/thirds/fourths kskssb, brief tit play, brief oral, cum eating, size kink, bulge kink, breeding, creampies for days, a bukakke as promised <3
Once the members sent out their last waves and finger hearts to the adoring fans and locals in the vast festival crowd, they made their way back to their temporary dressing room to catch their breath and have a celebratory drink or two. Brimming with adrenaline and energy due to their momentous performance, they erupted in enthusiastic greetings as soon as their dear manager entered the room, a few of them draping their arms around your shoulders to give you a quick hug.
“Manager-nim, did you like the show?” San spoke up, bringing his glass up to his mouth, taking a small sip of the potent liquor.
“You know you can just call me by my name, San, and I thought you guys absolutely killed it, like always,” you replied, scanning their faces, lightly adjusting the hem of your work blazer. No matter how many times you had all of their eyes and attention on you, you couldn’t seem to get used to it. It always made you feel hot under the collar, not knowing what was going through each of their minds when they looked at you the way they did. With interest. Hunger.
San couldn’t help but smirk, his dimples visible. You had taken the bait. He watched Yunho serve you a glass of whiskey. “You’re right. We’re way past titles, aren’t we? Especially considering the way I had you bent over for me right after our set last weekend.”
You choked on the liquor, your body suddenly feeling hot, especially under the heated gaze of the men standing around you. “S-San, behave yourself.”
He lightly licked at his lips, his gaze sharpening, ready to add to the growing heaviness of the atmosphere in the room. “Don’t act so coy now, sweetheart. You know better than that, don’t you?”
You bit into your bottom lip, looking up to Yunho for help, only to find that he was giving you an increasingly perverse smile, like he was reminiscing about something filthy.
Yunho reached down to wrap a lock of your hair around his jewelry adorned finger, sighing, “We could all hear the way Sannie fucked your brains out, doll, but you wanted us to hear, didn’t you? Even though you’re our manager, you’re still our good little slut, yeah?”
Something clicked into place inside your brain like it usually did when they talked to you like this. You could finally stop being so uptight and in control, instead allowing the eager members to do as they pleased with you. “Yeah, I am,” you nodded shyly, your insides on fire.
San took a step towards you, reaching out to run his fingers along your collar bone. “Can I ask you something?”
Your breath caught inside your throat. You knew what he was going to ask. You knew what they wanted. Despite the professional relationship you had with the members, you always seemed to end up in increasingly unprofessional situations with them. You couldn’t help it, not when they always made you feel so good. Wanted. Craved. “Say it, San….”
His pointer finger drifted down your chest, along the seam of your blazer, gazing down at you. “Can we make you our whore, Manager-nim?”
The members exchanged pleased glances with one another, some of them pulling at the crotch of their tailored pants.
“As long as someone locks the door, okay?” you answered underneath your breath, your eyes beginning to glaze over with lust.
San simply took a step around you, running his hands up and down your shoulders, coaxing you out of your blazer and unzipping your work dress, presenting you to his beloved members like you were a treat — one they would savor together.
-
“Don’t pass out on us now, baby,” San’s husky voice attempted to reach you through the fog you were in, his fingers gently rubbing at the fresh load that had splattered onto your flushed cheek, sliding his digits into your panting mouth for you to clean. “How many was that, hm? How many cocks have been inside you so far? Can our slutty manager remember?”
You stopped counting long ago, too fucked out to think about whose cock had already rearranged your insides and who had stuffed your ass full. You couldn’t even remember who had fucked your face either, but your sore jaw was proof that it was most likely one of the more gifted members. “I-i don’t know how many, just want more,” you whined out, looking up at San past your wet lashes.
“Yeah, you always want more from us, don’t you, baby? Want us to go to our limit? Want us to give you our all, huh? Are you going to milk us all dry like a good slut?”
You could hardly listen to his breathy, self-serving monologue, not with the way Wooyoung was gripping your hips and shoving his thick cock into you with abandon, like you were his own personal sex doll. “Uh-huh, wanna be good for you all…”
“How precious,” San sighed under his breath, all while he jerked himself off, beads of pre-cum spilling out of the twitching tip, watching the way his closest friend pumped himself in and out of your clenching hole, noticing the way his hips began to stutter. “Then, be good and take Wooyoung’s load inside that tight little cunt of yours, just like you took our Captain’s and Seonghwa’s earlier, okay? Can you do that for us, baby? Can you be our pretty little cum dump?”
You couldn’t speak, simply responding by squirting all over Wooyoung’s thrusting cock, just about ready to fall over from the overwhelming pleasure, but unable to with the way Mingi was behind you, his heaving chest pressing into your back, his ringed fingers lazily groping at your sore tits, balls-deep in your tight ass.
“Pretty baby, our pretty girl,” Mingi praised in a gravelly voice, his lips against your ear, squeezing your tits just as his groans began to crescendo, driving himself into you a few more times before he held still, previous loads leaking out of your ass and down the sides of his veined cock to the base as he filled you up again. “Can you feel that, babydoll? Feel the way I’m stuffing you full of cum? It feels so good, you want to cry, don’t you?”
All you could do was nod drunkenly, tears pricking at the corners of your hazy eyes, your trembling thighs growing more and more numb.
“Look at her, guys, she’s cumming just from being bred,” Wooyoung panted out, his hands squeezing into your sides, holding you still on his pulsing cock, not attempting to pull out until he was sure your inner walls were coated with his cum, chuckling smugly along with his fellow members at the way you desperately drew in another shaky breath and simply whined instead of forming words. “Poor slut can’t even talk. Someone should shoot their load down her throat. Maybe it’ll help ground her.”
“Way ahead of you,” Yeosang softly interjected, giving you a princely smile as he walked up to where you were positioned on the lengthy couch. He ran his slender fingers through your hair, slowly angling your head back as he did, bringing his slicked-up cockhead to your parted lips. “Say ‘ahh’, darling.”
Just as you obeyed, you watched Yeosang’s pretty flushed face contort in pleasure, reaching out to wrap your fingers around his pulsing length, milking it for all it’s worth, rope after rope of hot cum shooting into the back of your throat, a few dribbles remaining on your tongue. You were so full of cum, all of your holes were used up, and yet you needed more. “Not enough…More, please. I’m being such a good girl, aren’t I?”
San’s teeth sunk into his bottom lip, sharing glances with the other members, squeezing around the base of his cock to keep himself from busting right then and there. “Guys, I think we broke our manager.”
“Isn’t that the point? Look at her. She loves it,” Wooyoung pointed out, motioning to your blissed-out face, before he finally pulled out of you, reaching down to spread open your used hole, pleased sighs echoing inside the room. “Look, Sannie, her cunt’s all messy now. Ran through. Just the way you like it, huh, you sick fuck? You want sloppy seconds?”
San nodded his head, salivating, practically in a trance.
“Then, hurry up and shove your cock inside her before my cum leaks out,” Wooyoung tsked, climbing off of the cum-stained couch and smacking his hand against San’s ass to get him to spring into action, which he did, laying down on his back and sliding you down onto his cock inch by inch, but not before he tapped his leaking cockhead over your swollen clit a few times for good measure.
San’s dimples accompanied his shit-eating grin as he bottomed out, slowly running one of his hands up your lower abdomen to feel the outline of his stiff cock. “It’s so big inside, isn’t it, Manager-nim? Am I stretching you out nice and wide?”
All you could do was whimper pathetically, because not only were you taking San’s curved cock inside your cunt, but meanwhile Mingi had been showing Yunho the way your hole had begun to gape after the rough treatment you had taken, especially from someone with his size, knowing it was best that he prepped you for his best friend, knowing the term ‘horse cock’ didn’t even begin to describe what Yunho had to offer you. “It’s all for you, bro. Come and get it,” Mingi mused huskily, getting out of Yunho’s way so that he could replace him, one hand on your ass to keep it spread open for everyone’s viewing pleasure, as your hole slowly swallowed up Yunho’s obscene girth.
San and Yunho seemed to be in the middle of an intense competition, considering the way they both would continually thrust into you harder, and faster, grabbing at your tits and hips for leverage to fuck into you even deeper than before, if that was possible. “I-it’s not a–fuck–race, guys,” you cried out, suddenly being pressed back into Yunho’s warm chest when San sat up on the couch and folded you up, jack-hammering himself into you, using you like a cocksleeve.
“Yes, it is, and I’m gonna knock you up first, not this loser,” San grunted out in between shaky moans, smiling with his canines at you, then at Yunho past your shoulder, who responded by bucking his hips up into you so roughly, he had to wrap his arms around your middle to keep you in place.
“I’m fucking her ass, dumbass, I can’t even knock her up if I wanted to,” Yunho replied breathlessly, shaking his head, giving San a playful smile, before pressing his lips to your earlobe. “And I want to, tiny. Wish I could.”
“Not with that attitude,” San huffed, blowing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, his vision beginning to blur with the sudden onset of pleasure surging through him. “I’m going to fucking–unnnh–fill up your slutty cunt with my cum, baby. Gonna make it so messy. And you’re, fuck, you’re so tight now. That’s our good cumslut.”
“The perfect cumslut,” Hongjoong interrupted in a low voice, suddenly towering over you, holding his cock near your mouth, nodding approvingly when you began to suck and lick at the tip. “That’s right. You love Captain’s cock the most, don’t you, pretty girl?”
Seonghwa pushed his way past the other thirsty members who were hovering around you like vultures, slipping his fingers into your hair and gently guiding you to his own cock, cooing at you approvingly when you let it hit the back of your throat. He smiled smugly at Hongjoong, who was now side-eyeing him. “Stay mad. It’s not my fault she has taste.”
“You better watch it, Seonghwa.”
“You can watch our slut suck my cock.”
Hongjoong grumbled to himself, reaching down to tug your head back just firmly enough to lead you back to his cock, before you took it upon yourself to sandwich their lengths together so that you could please them both at once. They stopped bickering and instead held onto each other, biting into their lips as their highs began to take over.
It was then that San and Yunho emitted similar sounding guttural groans, fully sheathing themselves inside you, their fingers squeezing tightly into your hips from either side.
“Cumming,” they both exhaled, resting their heads on either side of your shoulder, beads of sweat dripping down their jaws and along their straining necks.
Just as hot cum poured into both of your used holes, Seonghwa and Hongjoong began to shudder and grunt out obscenities, aiming their milky streams towards your lolled-out tongue.
San suddenly waved for Jongho to come closer, pulling out just enough so that obscene globs of cum began to leak out of you, making you whine. “Here, cum inside her, JJong. I want my favorite maknae to finish our cumslut off.”
Jongho gingerly positioned himself near your gushing entrance and plugged you back up with his thick, throbbing cock, his strong thighs smacking into your delicate ones as he vigorously bounced you on his lap. “Want it?” he simply asked near your lips, making you blush.
“Please!”
Just as Jongho pounded his load and the others deep into your womb, Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Mingi pushed their way closer to you, vigorously jerking themselves off in order to leave their own individual mark on you for the second or third time, extremely pleased with themselves once they covered their dear manager’s face and body in their cum.
Once you all came down, you found that you couldn’t quite operate your body properly, not when your lower half was completely numb and throbbing with residual pleasure. San and Yunho took it upon themselves to cuddle you from either side, while Jongho gently rubbed your tummy in circles, wondering whose load would knock you up first. Only time would tell.
“How was that?” San asked softly near your ear.
“We weren’t too rough with you, were we?” Yunho murmured, biting his lip.
“How are you feeling, Manager-nim?” Jongho added gently, patting your tummy.
You sighed gently, reaching up to pat their heads, smiling at the men around you. And to think you actually got paid for this. You couldn’t have asked for a better job. “Guys…I’m fine, and for the record, it was so good, I don’t think I can ever go back to having normal sex again. I’m a bit concerned, actually.”
The rest of the members began to laugh, and you joined along, before clearing your throat, suddenly feeling uncomfortably sticky, looking down to see what you had all done to the poor couch. “Okay, so, who’s going to clean this mess up? And, it’s not going to be me. I can’t move my legs. I…think you guys actually broke me.”
San looked over to Wooyoung, who was already rolling his eyes, pointing dramatically at him. “I told you!”
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© kitten4sannie, 2024.
#ateez#ateez smut#ateez mingi#ateez x reader#san smut#san x reader#yunho x reader#wooyoung x reader#mingi x reader#wooyoung smut#yunho smut#mingi smut#ateez fanfic#ateez imagines#kpop smut#hongjoong x reader#hongjoong smut#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa smut
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you and your boyfriend fight about how much less time he’s been spending with you
jude bellingham x reader
A/N: first jude one-shot after writing a 16 part series of him, let’s go!! based on this request!!
W/C: 1.936
"where are you going? you told me you were off today..”
you say, brows furrowed as you look up from your laptop. you're greeted by an obviously frustrated-looking Jude, dressed up and ready to go out.
"I am off today. I'm about to head out with the guys.." he says, opening the fridge, sticking his hand out, and grabbing a cold bottle of kombucha.
"oh.." you trail off, eyes gliding back to your laptop screen, words dancing on your word document.
you'd been fully focused on writing your essay for your university class. school had kept you incredibly busy lately, and you had only a matter of a couple months left before you could finally graduate.
jude had also been very busy with his career. long hours of training, his matches out of the country, keeping him from spending time with you.
you had found it difficult to even sit and talk together for more than an hour, because either you had to work on something for university, or jude needed to go out for his work.
you had not told him yet, but it drove you absolutely insane. before you both had moved to madrid for his career, you had a fair amount of time to spend with each other , but now that he'd transferred to real madrid- even a moment together felt impossible...
unbeknownst to you, you clench the pen in your hand tightly, trying hold yourself back from spitting out absolute nonsense.
your eyes flicker back to the kitchen when you hear jude rummage through the kitchen cabinet.
"what're you doing?" you ask, sucking in a breath, and getting off the chair you’re sitting on. walking over to him, and leaving your laptop behind on the dinner table.
"looking for a bottle opener.." he mumbles, opening a few drawers halfway, before closing them haphazardly.
"it's in the third one.." you mumble, mood noticeably down, as you open the drawer and hand him the silver bottle opener.
"here.." you say, snarky tone slipping, even though you try your best to suppress it.
"what's up with you?" jude asks, opening his drink with a 'pop', before pouring the contents of the bottle into a glass.
"nothing.." you mumble, not daring to look him in the eye, knowing you'll explode in frustration if you do.
"you're definitely hiding something.." he says, chugging his drink down, before slipping his phone into his back pocket, indicating he's about to leave.
the action triggers you instantly, and you look up, your eyes burning holes into his face.
"can you just go already? you're so eager to leave, just like every off day you've had for the past month.." you spit, fingers gripping the kitchen counter, as a scowl is plastered across your face.
jude pauses for a second, eyes widening for a moment, before he looks at you with furrowed brows.
"what are you on about? can I not enjoy my day off with my mates or something?" he asks, voice clearly upset. his brum accent is thick, annoyance showing as wrinkles etch into his forehead.
“no, it’s not like you’ve spent every single fucking day off with them or anything…” you raise your voice slightly, frustration rising up and making your face hot.
you knew that you’d messed up by raising your voice, but the amount of both sadness and aggravation that had been building up in your heart for the past month needed an outlet.
channeling your emotions into a proper conversation was definitely better, but jude wasn’t a clueless teenage boy anymore.
there’s absolutely no excuse for him to not realize how much time he’d been spending out of the house. neglecting his relationship- partially to both work obligations, and his own decisions to go out on his off days.
“really? you’re actually going to tell me how I should spend my days off? like I haven’t busting my arse to train, to be in top shape for the euros?”
the frown on jude’s face deepens, and his hands fall to his side. annoyance written all over his handsome face.
“oh, please. go ahead and think of why I’m saying this. use your brain for a second and think for me, yeah?” your voice is full of venom, and you turn around, slippers hitting the floor as you make your way up the stairs. leaving your boyfriend in the kitchen.
a scoff falls from his lips, absolutely astonished by the harsh words you’d spat. in the three years of your relationship- you’d never exchanged any harsh words like this before..
yes, you fought and had disagreements with each other, like many healthy couples. but, it had never gotten to the point of any of you using condescending tones and sharp words.
from the beginning of your relationship, communication and understanding were always important values for you both. though with how busy the both of you had been lately, you barely had any proper conversations, let alone upkeep the values, that kept you so connected to each other.
“y/n!” jude calls out, placing his half-full glass next to the sink, before dashing up the stairs, behind you.
“where do you think you’re going? hey, finish the conversation!” he says, grabbing onto your hand, before you can enter your shared bedroom, and can slam the door in his face.
“you don’t even care about what I say- so what’s the point? we’ve practically been ignoring each other for the past few- whatever weeks! and now you decide, ‘let me spend the day off with mates, and not my girlfriend- who I’ve been neglecting for so long’.”
you take a deep breath, trying to control your breathing as you spill all your thoughts and emotions.
jude’s body goes rigid, the grip on your hand slipping away. making your hand fall back against your side. his thoughts and rationality swirl through his brain, and he can only let out a sigh.
“you know, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just trying to have some fun, am I not allowed to have fun?” the words spill from his mouth before he can register them fully, and he almost clasps a hand to his mouth.
the words raise your blood pressure, and you feel the urge to scream at him becoming bigger.
“of course, being with your girlfriend of three years is so boring.. you need a new bitch to entertain you, so can have your ‘fun’. you don’t need a girlfriend who’s moved her entire life for her boyfriend. moved universities, left family behind- okay, jude.”
your breath hitches, tears of both anger and sadness threatening to fall. wet eyes staring up at your boyfriend’s chocolate brown ones.
“y/n-”
he begins, but you don’t spare him a single extra look, before stepping into your shared bedroom, and slamming the door in his face.
“leave..” you mutter, just loud enough for him to hear.
you jump into your bed, bringing the covers up to your chest and place your head on your pillow. jude’s side empty, just like it had been often lately.
you rub your eyes, allowing the tsunami of tears to overtake your emotions. crying for minutes on end.
you feel both relieved and horrible. glad you could finally let the emotions eating up at you, for the past few weeks out. horrified, because you had just both yelled at your boyfriend and accused him of doing the most trust-breaking thing ever..
you sob until your eyes are red, and swollen. eventually falling asleep from exhaustion and energy loss.
you only wake up a couple hours later, feeling something cold and wet on your skin, mainly your forehead. opening your eyes, you’re immediately greeted by jude, sat next to you on the bed.
his eyes are mirroring yours, swollen and dark circles more pronounced than ever.
it’s obvious he’d been crying, and his attire had changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt.
he hadn’t gone out..
you shift your head away from his touch, only to realize he’s holding a wet cloth to your forehead.
“baby..” he breathes out, concern etched into his face, he leans down. other hand placed on your cheek. you don’t respond, waiting for your boyfriend to speak first.
“you’re burning up..” he finally says, lifting up the cloth before dipping it into a bowl on your nightstand. he squeezes the water out, wiping down the rest of your face, before placing the white cloth back onto your forehead.
“and- I’m sorry, I just need you to know that, while I try to keep your fever down. I’m sorry, darling. we’ll talk about it in a minute, I promise. you just let me take care of you..” he trails off, thumb caressing the soft of your cheek, before wiping down your face again.
“I’m- I have a fever?” you finally say, shifting and trying to sit up.
“yeah, must be from all the stress or something..”
the words are said quietly, laced with guilt and an apologetic tone.
it doesn’t take much longer, and you’re almost feeling suffocated due to the tense and awkward atmosphere. having enough, you bring your hand up to grab onto jude’s hand, stopping him mid-wipe.
“jude..” you begin, sitting up quickly, before he makes you lay back down. you grab the cloth out of his hand, throwing it into the bowl next to you.
“I’m sorry as well..” you can already feel the tears prickle in your eyes, and you clench your jaw, making your temples hurt.
“I yelled at you instead of talking normally, and- accused you of-”
you choke on your sobs, not being able to finish your sentence, before you feel jude’s strong arms wrap around your back.
he brings you closer, slightly cold hands touching your burning skin.
“no, I’m sorry, baby- don’t you apologize, hm..” he presses multiple kisses on your temple, fingers running up and down your back.
he allows you sob into his broad chest, touch and words comforting.
“I know you and I were super busy. but- I should’ve put in more effort to make plans, or even just make sure I gave you the attention and love you deserve, I’m sorry darling,.” his brum accent whispers into your ears, and you slowly calm down, hearing his words- made your feelings, feel valid.
“I unconsciously thought you’d be busy, so I made plans immediately without thinking of anything else..” he explains, hands running up and down your arms, finally rubbing circles on your elbows.
“I will never, ever in my life- for any other breath I take, hurt or ignore you like this..”
“I don’t ever want to make you feel unwanted or unloved. I love you baby, I’ve loved you since the moment you caught my eye..”
he leans back, wiping the remaining tears on your face, coming closer to place a kiss on your lips. not caring about the fact that you are sick..
“you got that, darling?” his voice sounds like honey, and you can feel your tears drying up slowly.
you nod, looking up and grabbing onto his hands.
“good, let’s lay back down, okay? you’re still burning up..” he helps you, chuckling when you grasp at his shirt, and bury your face into his chest again.
“you comfortable?” jude asks, running his hands down your side, and kissing your forehead.
you nod again, humming in response.
“okay, why don’t we lay down a little, and then we’ll have dinner, ‘kay?”
“deal..” you agree, soft touches lulling you back into a slumber, sweet words being whispered into your ear, helping you relax..
#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham fanfic#jude bellingham#football imagines#football fanfic#football#footballer x reader#real madrid#jude x reader#jude bellingham x reader#jude#bellingham x reader#bellingham#real madrid fc#football blurb#football imagine
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don’t wanna break up again | oscar piastri
pairing: actress!reader x oscar piastri
summary: you never go to any of oscar races and he’s always been okay with it, until he’s not
fc: rachel zegler
warnings: angst
a/n: i am in such an oscar kick lately you cannot physically stop me (i’ve also never wrote angst before this is so fun!)
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yourusername vacation barbie☀️
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username uhmmm ???
username obsessed with her going on vacation instead of supporting yet another one of his boyfriend’s races
username so now she’s not allowed to go on vacation after working for five months on a movie? grow up
oscarpiastri the prettiest🥰
username oh to be called the prettiest by oscar piastri 😩
username so beautiful 😍
username respectfully looking 👀
username day number 482927 praying for y/n to attend a race
username at this point i feel like the only way she’s attending is if she has to promote a movie or something
username petition for y/n to be in that f1 movie they’re making just so we can see her at the paddock once
liked by yourusername, mclaren and others
oscarpiastri absolutely love austria 🧡
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username that’s my driver right there !!!
yourusername so well deserved❤️ (liked by oscarpiastri)
username another podium where y/n wasn’t present😊
username i could treat you so much better i swear!
mclaren incredible drive oscar🧡
georgerusell63 👊🏽👊🏽
username next podium is a win👀
liked by gigihadid, oliviarodrigo and others
yourusername star of the year is insane! thank you so much for this award and to all of you, i love you all to the moon and back and without you this wouldn’t be possible🫶🏽 thank you thank you thank you ⭐️
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username so so well deserved y/n congrats! 🎉
username ms. rabbit has fainted
username oh she just looked unreal tonight 🤩
username she IS the star of our generation 👏🏽
oscarpiastri couldn’t be prouder❤️
yourusername love you! 💘
username she’s just THAT GOOD
username star of the year indeed😍
liked by yourusername, landonorris and others
oscarpiastri incredibly proud of the most talented, hard-working, brightest woman i know. you’re not only the star of the year you’re also the star of my life and i know there will be many more awards to come your way🌟
tagged yourusername
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username oh
yourusername i can’t put into words how much i love you❤️
oscarpiastri ❤️
username now i just know he did not went out of his way to go to this award show for her during a race week and she can’t even be bothered to go to one (1) race
username he literally made a post about the critics recognizing her work as an actress and you’re commenting stuff like this? jesus
mclaren congratulations, y/n! 🧡 (liked by yourusername)
username y/n they will never make me like you!
username cutest couple🥰
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55 and others
oscarpiastri hungary will always be in my heart 🇭🇺 🫶🏽
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username obsessed with the first picture
username about to tattoo this whole race in my forehead brb
logansargeant congratulations mate🎉
username TWO MCLAREN MAIDEN WINS THIS YEAR ARE YOU KIDDING ME
carlossainz55 congrats oscar👍🏼
username so rookie of the year of him 😩
landonorris congrats muppet 🍾
yourusername so so proud of you congratulations my love‼️❤️🔥
oscarpiastri 🥰
username girl you weren’t even there…
liked by lilymhe, taylorswift and others
yourusername six weeks of breathing clean air, i still miss the smoke.
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username no way they actually broke up😭
username can’t believe it’s been six weeks i thought they were gonna get back after two days
username but why is she calling her relationship with oscar toxic? 😔
username at least she’s going out!
username oh you know it’s getting serious when she’s pulling out the taylor lyrics
username refusing to believe my parents are divorced (i’m older than them)
username finally we’re out of the trenches‼️
username currently praying for oscar’s next girlfriend to be supportive🙏🏽
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#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri one shot#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri fluff#f1 x reader#f1#formula one#formula one x reader#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri fanfic#rachel zegler#op81#smau#oscar piastri smau#f1 smau#formula 1 smau#social media au#actress!reader#actress!reader x oscar piastri#actress reader#actress reader x oscar piastri#ariana grande
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