#About cyan

[reimeichan]

I've been really open at work about having DID, and that's great and all except for the fact this one guy is SCARY GOOD at clocking specific alters???? Like to the point he recognizes when it's an alter he hasn't met yet that's fronting???

Him, as I over-apologize for something: So which one of yall is the one that constantly apologizes? P sure it's not one of the guys I normally see.

Me-as-Cyan, sweating: How did you figure out that's a different alter from the ones you've already met and also hi I'm Cyan

Also him, as I'm bouncing around making drinks: hi Little Reimei

Me-as-Yellow: ???? I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING

Also him, noticing the fact I went from "I love doing dishes" to "ugh please no more dishes": Okay I know that was Gray earlier, who are you?

Me-as-Purple: YOU NOTICED ME SWITCH BEFORE I DID????

And it's not just him, a few of the other baristas and shift leads also can tell apart some of the fronters (mostly when it's Green, Purple, or Yellow) or even note when we've switched.

Anyways uh. I don't think my system is super covert guys XD

[dunmeshistash]

hi!!! do you have any favorite pics of laios from the manga? :] i really love how ryoko kui draws him, i feel like a bit of that gets lost in the anime!

Okay, maybe controversial choices idk, but these are my actual favorite Laios (first one is my actual actual favorite but whenever he's covered in blood I love it)

None of these are in the anime yet, I can't wait, I think he's cute in the anime tho you can't really add this much detail in animation.

The non serious answer is that these are my favorite Laios

we...

[aceofstars121]

I made the guys in the style of the cursed etho skizz built

Bonuses!

Cursed skizz (my first attempt)

Etho but if I built him the same way I built the other guys if that makes sense

Me for fun (:

[greens-spilled-tea]

Posting here away from my main blog(s) away from the eyes of my partners

Fucking. Protector bullshit. I sense a part starting to go into fawn mode and that immediately triggers me out. I can't fucking handle it when we get into that state. I never want to submit to anyone and I'm fucking scared of being weak to others that I will always push down those feelings and instead jump out to lash out against whoever triggered the instinctive fawn response.

And like, nothing has actually happened. All I'm doing is sitting by myself, keeping to myself, not talking to the one that triggered us. But god dammit I'm so fucking angry at them for just displaying normal fucking emotions. Like, their laptop is broken. Of course it makes sense that they're upset. But they got angry and started shouting (not at anyone) and that triggered Cyan into wanting to just, help them fix the problem. Which caused me to jump to front so that he doesn't end up hurt and doing something brash that may hurt the system. And now I'm doing the responsible thing of removing myself from the situation and not yelling back at them even though I really want to.

I'm so fucking tired of trauma responses.

[psikonauti]

Armando Veve (American, b. 1989)

[silverlininghills]

"300 tracks"

you know those hand signals tyler does during the line "300 tracks in my Adidas track jacket"?

i, like probably everyone else, assumed that was him signing 3-0-0 with his hands.

but no. he's signing F-0-0.

consider the ASL signs for F vs 3:

yeah, he's definitely signing F there

so what does F-0-0 mean? well, funny thing about that--you know hexcodes? those 6 digit codes that indicate a specific colour? well, there are also three digit codes as well, where you basically double each number to get the full 6 digit code. wanna guess what #F00 is?

yup, that's pure red babey!!

and, better yet, wanna know what its complementary colour is?

why it's pure cyan of course!!! y'know, like the whole __cla_im00FFFF.jpg = CLAIM CYAN = I AM CLANCY thing.

tyler, you sneaky sneaky bastard.

[wigglesdtuff]

came to a realization about colors tonight that only makes sense to me

[hinamie]

i'm a week late to the party but i too have been personally victimized by Them

[forgettable-au]

What do we think? I think he's like the coolest scientist to ever science

HEY HAPPY 2000 FOLLOWERS‼️HOW DID THAT HAPPEN SO QUICK?????

I'm genuinely so shocked about that I'm so so glad you're all enjoying this AU so far hehehe:D

Also I just made the 1000 followers celebration post like a month ago or something??wow

Here's the guy ‼️‼️ I wanted to practice drawing him quickly and in different poses. I think I achieved that, all this was made with just the lasso fill tool it was soooo fun and I loved not being worried about details just SHAPE

ALL SHAPE (and colors)

[nyankoizumi]

Looking at each other with their autistic eldritch horrors eyes

[reimeichan]

So we accidentally had a split the other day, which was interesting because we hadn't even realized we'd split until our partner pointed it out to us while said split part was fronting and fretting over our new job that we're starting on Monday. This led to an interesting exchange where we mentioned something along the lines of... well, now that we've been fused for a while, why would it that when we split again we lose abilities that we had as a fused whole? Shouldn't we like, remember these skills? (Skills like, emotional regulation, self-confidence, etc.)

And our partner just. Looked at us. And was like, "I love you, but you do realize that you're not literally a set of individuals in a shared hivemind and that splitting doesn't mean you just disengage from the hivemind and keep all your memories of what it was like to be in that hivemind, right? You're experiencing DISSOCIATION. You're now DISSOCIATED from the shared skills and knowledge that your collective whole would otherwise have access to." And I was like. Oh. Right. Yeah, that makes sense.

Anyways that apparently was enough for the split part to re-integrate with the rest of the system and get schlorped back up into us lol. DID is wackadoodle silliness.

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi actually changed my whole relationship with food. I had already seen food as various types of nutrition (rather than “good” and “bad” food) but this story helped me realize that even stuff I dislike can be made to taste good. I used to hate onions and mushrooms, but all the good stuff about them turns into a delicious sauce when you use them in stir fry! Veggies cooked in grease aren’t robbed of their nutrition! I eat what my body craves and I’ve truly never felt better! I’ve even lost a lot of weight because of it! Many have pondered what sets humans apart from any other creature in the world and I think it’s a good meal.

One of the things that helped us evolve to where we are is indeed cooking!

Might come as a surprise that even tho I'm a Dungeon Meshi fan my nutrition wasn't really fixed by reading it (no good advice Senshis in this head of mine) I've been a picky eater for a while now cause I have texture issues but recently I started cooking more for myself, and honestly? Game changer

There's no point trying to force yourself to enjoy certain foods cause if you don't like it you wont eat it. I hate carrots cause the texture is mushy and the taste is weird and the smell is bad. Know what's not smelly mushy or weird? Carrots on fried rice

There's many ways to cook food, try out things similar to what you know you enjoy if you're someone picky like me. The important thing is to eat a variety of proper food and make it in a way you'll actually eat (Just like Senshi did for Izutsumi instead of forcing her to eat the way he wanted). A vegetable eaten with sauce is more nutritional than a vegetable you don't eat!

I'm no nutritionist but yeah, you'd be surprised at the variety of things you're actually willing to eat when cooked the right way. And congrats on feeling better!

Just adding my usual disclaimer that weight loss/gain isn't an indicator of health in itself, prioritizing eating well and acquiring healthy habits rather than focusing on a certain physical result is key in my experience. Let's all strive to feel good and care for our bodies!

[greens-spilled-tea]

Honestly for us it was reading the phrase "the host is just another alter" that made something click for us. Of course the host is simply another alter in a DID system, and "host" is simply the name of a role like protector or persecutor or gatekeeper or caretaker is. Our then-host started stepping back from micromanaging everyone else and started to exercise "trust", first by being in co-con (but not co-fronting) with whoever was fronting and NOT doing what we call "backseat driving the body", and then later by not being aware of what was happening in front and learning to sit with that discomfort and be okay with it. Well, all that and also helping him and our persecutory parts actually trust each other and genuinely want to work together, but he knocked that one out of the park by simply being open to listen to their grievances against him and the rest of the system and making them actually feel heard by taking steps to address said grievances.

So in that way that also meant we as a system had to learn how to trust him as well, and also take efforts to work together as a team instead of self-sabotaging. Our system was incredibly dysfunctional when we first realized we were a system, so I'm not surprised that it took a group effort for us to really dismantle that "host godking" status and eventually completely remove the idea of a "host" altogether. Working together also naturally led to an increased sharing of our memories with each other and realizing that different alters have actually been MUCH more involved in our shared life than we had previously known to the point that calling the host the "alter who fronts the most frequently" likely didn't even match the alter we called our "host", as he maybe only fronted a grand total of 25% of our adult life and the rest of the time was shared between our persecutor, gatekeeper, "ex-host", various littles, and many different fragments who tend to front in groups to take care of hyper-specific scenarios. Realizing that none of us actually used the body that much more than each other also really helped us further agree to get rid of "host" as a role from our system altogether, though I think that was more of a side-effect of already working towards that goal.

Anyways I got really rambly. Tl;dr it took a lot of conscious effort to work together and trust each other on all of our parts but the catalyst was realizing the host is just another alter and therefore no more important than all the other alters in our system.

(And yeah I'm speaking from the perspective of someone with polyfragmented DID, I'd be curious if there's any way this may be adaptable or if anything can be taken from this for non-DID systems)

Discussion question: if it applies to you, what does it look like for you to break free of 'host godking' culture? What steps do you take to make sure everyone is more or less satisfied? Is there anything you want to do differently to this end?

[mikesbasementbeets]

byler in every episode -> 2.09. the gate

[squidpedia]

little curious, i think about this from time to time

Definitely varies depending on how you like to characterize them

[reimeichan]

Yeah we have what we call "the Cyan subsystem" which is really just. A bunch of parts that self-identify as "Cyan" whether that's the "Usual Cyan" or not. In our case these parts may very well not even be Cyan or Cyan-adjacent but because they really cannot be bothered to identify much more than "part of the system who happens to exist right now" it's easiest to just say they're Cyan.

Okay question to other polyfragmented systems, but do any of you guys have parts that both seem more comfortable identifying and are better described as "stable dissociative fugue states" than parts, fragments or alters?

There are a lot of Riku-adjacent parts and among them, most realize they are "not really the Usual Riku but its minor enough that they more so identify as a dissociative fugue state than a proper fragment"

Its all terminology and how parts talk about themselves, but it was a thought I had which I was curious if others had similar